DECEMBER 10, 2015
CHATTANOOGA'S WEEKLY ALTERNATIVE
STILL SERVING AFTER ALL THESE YEARS
Also Inside: THE 2015 HOLIDAY SHOPPING GUIDE
CHATTANOOGA’S VETERANS CONTINUE A LONG TRADITION OF GIVING BACK by Louis Lee
MUSIC
THEATRE
SCREEN
WORLD ROCK
CHARLIE BROWN
HOLIDAY SCARE
PLVNET
BROWN
KRAMPUS
TICKETS AT (423) 267-8534 OR WWW.THEATRECENTRE.COM
2 • THE PULSE • DECEMBER 10, 2015 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM
Contents
CHATTANOOGA'S WEEKLY ALTERNATIVE
EDITORIAL
Managing Editor Gary Poole Contributing Editor Janis Hashe
December 10, 2015 Volume 12, Issue 50
Editorial Assistant Stephanie Smith Music Editor Marc T. Michael Film Editor John DeVore Contributors Rich Bailey • Rob Brezsny Matt Jones • Sandra Kurtz • Louis Lee Mike McJunkin • Ernie Paik Rick Pimental-Habib • Alex Teach
Features
Cartoonists Max Cannon • Rob Rogers Jen Sorenson • Tom Tomorrow
4 BEGINNINGS: The proposed Cowart Street building is a very bad idea.
Cover Photo Louis Lee
7 SHADES OF GREEN: Reporting from the United Nations Paris climate summit.
FOUNDED 2003 BY ZACHARY COOPER & MICHAEL KULL
ADVERTISING
Director of Sales Mike Baskin
12 ARTS CALENDAR
Account Executives Chee Chee Brown • Robyn Graves Linda Hisey • Rick Leavell Stacey Tyler • Logan Vandergriff
CONTACT
Offices 1305 Carter St., Chattanooga, TN 37402 Phone 423.265.9494 Fax 423.266.2335 Website chattanoogapulse.com Email info@chattanoogapulse.com BREWER MEDIA GROUP Publisher & President Jim Brewer II THE FINE PRINT: The Pulse is published weekly by Brewer Media and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on music, the arts, entertainment, culture and local news. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publisher may take more than one copy per weekly issue. The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors. Contents Copyright © 2015 by Brewer Media. All rights reserved.
16 MUSIC CALENDAR
8
Still Serving After All These Years
John Sparks, U.S. Army, was flying a reconnaissance mission over enemy territory on April 24, 1968 when his twin-engine OV-1 Mohawk was hit by anti-aircraft fire. With both engines gone, he and the pilot ejected over a heavily wooded area near the Laotian border.
10
We’ll Always Love Charlie Brown
For those of us who grew up reading books with reprints of Charles Schultz’s “Peanuts” characters, Charlie Brown is an institution, a heartbeat of our childhood that remains intact.
14
Watch The Spring Sky For PLVNET
PLVNET (that’s “planet” to you and me) is a band I’ve been trying to write about for a couple of months now. I say “trying,” because despite my best intentions something always seems to interfere (illness, shifting deadline, time-sensitive material, etc.).
18 REVIEWS: The really complete Velvet Underground, Helen gets loudly shy. 19 SUSHI & BISCUITS: Revealing the secret of making classic boat noodles. 20 HOLIDAY SHOPPING GUIDE 25 MIXOLOGY: Find the right liqueur for each social gathering’s drink. 26 SCREEN: “Krampus” is the best holiday horror film in years. Really. 28 FREE WILL ASTROLOGY 29 JONESIN’ CROSSWORD 30 ON THE BEAT: Officer Alex has a meltdown about the media…again.
CELEBRATE THE HA HA HOLIDAYS WITH TWO GREAT COMICS
GREAT MUSIC & COMEDY
CLASSIC SOUTHERN CHARM
AUDIENCE FAVORITE WITH A FAMILY-FRIENDLY SHOW
A COMEDY CATCH FAVORITE FOR DECADES
Chattanooga’s Premier Comedy Club 1400 Market Street Chattanooga, TN Tickets: (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com
CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • DECEMBER 10, 2015 • THE PULSE • 3
NEWS • VIEWS • RANTS • RAVES
BEGINNINGS
UPDATES » CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM FACEBOOK/CHATTANOOGAPULSE EMAIL LOVE LETTERS, ADVICE & TRASH TALK TO INFO@CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM
Op-Ed: Stop the Stationary Tsunami The proposed Cowart Street building is a very bad idea A developer has proposed a seven-story, 140-unit residential building on Cowart Street, behind the row of older buildings anchored by Porker’s. The Planning Commission and the Regional Planning agency recommended against it (zoning limRICH its buildings to four stories there), but the city council is hell-bent on passing it, led by Chris Anderson, who represents the area. The developer’s local rep, Mike Price, is also a leadership contributor to a fundraising event Anderson
recently began promoting. Anderson did not disclose that, and an ethics complaint has been filed. Looking at this super-sized, godawful building rushing toward approval is like seeing nomadic warriors from the Eurasian plains ride BAILEY into my city. First, I’m relieved they want to build, not destroy. Then my heart sinks: All they know how to build is the suburban apartments they passed on their way into the city. Even worse: our current elected leaders are saying “Sure, OK, whatevs.”
Opinion
4 • THE PULSE • DECEMBER 10, 2015 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM
That’s not as far-fetched as it may sound. Belle Investment Company of Knoxville began with single-family housing developments and traditional suburban multi-family apartment developments, including Legends at White Oak in Ooltewah. Judging from their website, this seems to be their first downtown building. It shows: The building takes the components of suburban apartments— housing and parking—and goes up instead of spreading out. The building is completely out of place, a gigantic structure in the middle of what decades of planning (done with public participation and approved by previous city councils) envisioned as a human-scale neighborhood. After objections from urban designers, the developer added a token amount of commercial space on the corners. That’s better than nothing, but what makes a building like this integrate into and help build a neighborhood is when the entire first floor is retail or commercial, adding activity to the street life instead of turning a cold shoulder to it. This is called “mixed use,” and it is City Making 101. By the way, those objecting urban designers include Stroud Watson, an internationally renowned urbanist who guided Chattanooga’s downtown revitalization from 1981 through 2007 as leader of our Urban Design Studio. When he spoke against the building at the city council, not a single council member asked him a question. Apparently, their decision had already been made—and his expert opinion was irrelevant. The building’s scale is grossly out of proportion to the recent four-story buildings
and historic one- and two-story buildings around it. I look at an artist’s rendering and wonder— can you ever get used to a neighbor like that: a block-long mass twice the height of Porker’s and the other small buildings? It would be like looking a stationary tsunami eternally looming over your shoulder. Belle Investment Company does not understand how our city works, how designers have been collaborating with business people and elected leaders for 30 years to re-create a downtown that works for everyone. And this city council is willing to undo the work of their predecessors and the public, for the latest developer to dangle a shiny thing. We need more downtown housing, but not this building, as designed. It won’t destroy the Southside, but it will degrade the vibrant street life and economy that attracted the developer to Chattanooga in the first place. •••• Rich Bailey promoted Chattanooga as director of the Chattanooga News Bureau from 1996–2001 and has covered urban design in Chattanooga as a journalist-advocate for 20 years.
THE FINEST IN
WINE&SPIRITS
EdiToon by Rob Rogers
We will meet or beat any advertised price and special order any wine available in the Chattanooga Market!
BOMBAY GIN 1.75L - $24.99
BOMBAY SAPPHIRE 1.75L - $35.99
JACK DANIELS no. 7 black 1.75L - $39.99
MAKERS MARK 1.75L - $39.99
KETEL ONE
Giving Back By Paying It Forward We are all familiar with the concept of paying it forward: Someone does something nice for you and you, in return, do something nice for someone else. This notion is extremely important to the arts scene in Chattanooga, as artists are making the switch from having people notice their art to providing their art for the good of the community. The recent graduating class of the Holmberg Arts Leadership In-
stitute took this credo to heart. These Holmies have planned a Holiday Happening to help raise scholarship funds for future participants with more diverse needs. The underserved populations of Chattanooga who want to make a difference in their community might not otherwise have the opportunity to attend such an institute were it not for scholarships, which are always much sought after.
IN THIS ISSUE
Louis Lee Our cover story this week on how vets are making a difference in the city is by Louis Lee, who has been involved in journalism dating back to his days on the high school newspaper staff. After a stint in the U.S. Navy, he worked for a weekly newspaper in Baton Rouge,
On Saturday, Dec. 12, Holmies of the Class of 2015 invite you to give back at 4 p.m. at the East Chattanooga Academy for Art and Social Justice. Hop on the open mic and sing or read a poem, bid on beautiful art by local artists at the silent auction, and enjoy food and beverages as you converse with some of the future arts leaders of Chattanooga— who look to pay it forward in a big way with your support. Suggested donation is $5 at door.. To donate art, contact Sage Smith at ECAASJ on Facebook. — Stephanie Smith
1.75L - $39.99
TITOS VODKA 1.75L - $29.99
WOOD BRIDGE all flavors 1.5L - $10.98
BAREFOOT
all flavors 1.5L - $10.98
SMIRNOFF
1.75L - $17.99
KNOB CREEK 1.75L - $49.99
PINNACLE
1.75L - $17.99
Marc T. Michael then returned to college for formal training in television news. He came to the Tennessee Valley in 1991 to work for WDEF-TV as a videojournalist, a reporter who shoots his own stories. While working in the media and raising a family, Louis gave back to his community by volunteering as a reserve deputy sheriff in Bradley County. Louis is now an award-winning documentary filmmaker and freelance journalist.
The Pulse's music editor, Marc T. Michael, is a longstanding presence in the local music scene who from an early age had two passions in life: music and writing. Noticeably self-taught at one and educated at the University of Kentucky for the other, Marc
moved to Chattanooga back in the fall of 1993. When not playing with local Irish group the Molly Maguires, Marc can be found hosting trivia matches throughout the city as the regional manager for Challenge Entertainment. An avid supporter of Chattanooga’s burgeoning music scene, he currently resides in Red Bank with his wife Bryanna, his daughter Libby and two cats who, truth be told, are actually in charge of everything.
WE NOW HAVE LOW GRAVITY BEER!
216 MARKET STREET
423-266-8420
ONE BLOCK FROM THE TN AQUARUM
CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • DECEMBER 10, 2015 • THE PULSE • 5
Pilgrim
Congregational Church
(UCC)
Christmas Eve Service Lessons, carols, and candles Thursday, December 24 at 4 p.m. Childcare provided Live DJ ✴ Open Bar ✴ Hors d’oeuvres $125 // $225 per couple ✴ VIP packages for 8 available
More at pilgrim-church.com
doors: 8:30 pm ✴ food+bar: 9:00pm sponsored by:
Hunter Museum of American Art 10 Bluff View Road, Chattanooga TN
www.huntermuseum.org
Who needs to travel to the North Pole? This holiday season, find the perfect gift right here at home. Books, Music, Movies, Games and more... 6 • THE PULSE • DECEMBER 10, 2015 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM
Sunday Worship 11am 400 Glenwood Drive at 3rd Street (423) 698-5682
Used Books, CDs, Movies, & More
7734 Lee Highway • McKayBooks.com Monday-Saturday 9am-10pm • Sunday 11am-7pm
COLUMN SHADES OF GREEN
Can They Save The Planet? Reporting from the Paris United Nations Climate Summit Imagine a future in which the human has attained its full potential. Imagine a world in which the good of each human being and each species is considered in every decision SANDRA made. — Jeanette KURTZ C. Armstrong Earth is heating up and greenhouse gases continue to rise, primarily due to our burning of fossil fuels. The goal at COP21 in Paris is to assure a livable planet. It takes collaboration and adjustment from everyone to slow the rate of climate change. Imagine the challenge: Produce a plan to reduce carbon emissions and support a green economy so that the Earth doesn’t get too hot or too toxic. Your group represents 196 countries speaking five languages, and together you are to present a suitable agreement in two weeks approved by the heads of each country. At this writing, they’re still at it. Each country had previously submitted a proposal for reducing their carbon emissions. Now, spinoff groups work on aspects of the document, refining it and creating
a framework for action that will result in keeping our planet temperature from rising any more than two degrees Celsius. In fact, it’s not enough, but it would be a promising start. There are positive notes: • Twenty developing countries agreed to double their research and development spending in the energy solutions of the future. Further, 26 entrepreneurs and business leaders, including Bill Gates, promised to invest part of their wealth toward bringing energy solutions of the future to rapid deployment. Smart money is transitioning to low-carbon technologies. • The Government of Alberta in western Canada announced that by 2030, it would completely phase out all of its coalfired power, implement a renewable portfolio standard of 30 percent, introduce a carbon tax at $30 per ton, grow energy efficiency and clean energy like wind and solar, and set a cap on emissions from tar sands. And yet, many of our U.S. politicians still claim to wonder if climate change is real despite increasingly strong scientific evidence. Kitty van der Heijden, ambassador for sustainable development for the Netherlands said, “We must manage the unavoidable.”
“When terrorist acts in Paris caused large marches to be canceled, people, including Pope Francis, donated 20,000 pairs of shoes to a symbolic march calling for climate action.” It may be too late for many. Tuvalu, the Marshall Islands, the Maldives, the Seychelles and Fiji are top-list tourist destinations with their pristine landscapes, lush vegetation and perceived remoteness. Yet, as global temperature rises, it triggers the loss of ice, then triggering sea level rise. This is the center of the problem concerning small island nations. A young Alaskan is attending COP21 with the Sierra Student Coalition because his village is being inundated by
seawater rise. Yet most people in his small village cannot afford to move. Meanwhile, the delegates are arguing about the language in Article 2 (Purpose of the Paris Agreement). This refers to protection of natural ecosystems, just transition of the workforce, and creation of decent work, human rights for all, including indigenous people, and gender equality. Some feel that this should not be part of Article 2 where it would be legally binding, but part of the preamble and not binding. The U.S. wants to move it to the preamble; Brazil and Canada want to keep it in, and the Netherlands would like to move it to a mitigation section. No matter where it is, it should be kept in the plan, because a transition with people’s well being in mind is the fair and just way to think. These are the types of arguments that are proceeding behind closed doors. Outside, the people have shown up. When terrorist acts in Paris caused large marches to be canceled, people, including Pope Francis, donated 20,000 pairs of shoes to a symbolic march calling for climate action. Thousands of organizations’ representatives and citizens are attending educational programs, visiting booths, and holding concerts to say we can’t wait any longer. What we do today will truly make a difference in the quality of all life, everywhere. Sandra Kurtz is an environmental community activist and is presently working through the Urban Century Institute. You can visit her website to learn more at enviroedu.net
Your Home For The Holidays CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • DECEMBER 10, 2015 • THE PULSE • 7
COVER STORY
Still Serving After All These Years
Chattanooga’s veterans continue a long tradition of giving back Story and photos by Louis Lee, Pulse contributer
J
ohn Sparks, U.S. Army, was flying a reconnaissance mission over enemy territory on April 24, 1968 when his twin-engine OV-1 Mohawk was hit by antiaircraft fire. With both engines gone, he and the pilot ejected over a heavily wooded area near the Laotian border. Sparks was captured and spent nearly five years in the Hanoi Hilton, the soldiers’ euphemism for the most despicable prisoner-of-war camp in North Vietnam.
“
If I can make one person’s life a little easier by being there and fixing things they can’t fix on their own…well, I’d appreciate it if somebody did that for me if I needed it.”
By any measure, most people would think that John Sparks had given enough of himself—for his country, his community. But there’s something about veterans that makes them want to give more. Sparks says he feels fortunate: that the country and its people have given him so much that he feels obligated to give back. “Many didn’t have the opportunity to come back and serve the community like we are able to do,” explains Sparks, “and that’s actually a privilege for us.” Sparks is a member of the Vietnam Veterans of America Chapter 203, located in Chattanooga. It is the second largest VVA chapter in the nation with nearly 800 members. Many of those members participate in the variety of charities and other events sponsored by the chapter. Just last week, John Sparks stood at the doorway of the Walmart on Highway 153 in Hixson. Giving out candy canes, wishing shoppers a “Merry Christmas” and accepting donations of a dollar here, a dollar there, he
8 • THE PULSE • DECEMBER 10, 2015 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM
was helping underprivileged children have a better Christmas. This has been a mission for Chapter 203 for the last 14 years, according to Chapter President and Army veteran Charlie Hobbs. He says his members work with the Salvation Army and their Angel Tree program. “We take names off the Angel Tree,” says Hobbs, “And that helps them, and we spend the money back in Walmart.” The members of VVA Chapter 203 are not alone in their willingness to give back to their communities. In fact, nationally, veterans constitute one of the most vibrant communities of volunteers, yet there’s no way to definitively quantify that statement. The closest we can come is a statistic by the National Conference on Citizenship. According to their website, better than one out of every four veterans is involved in some sort of volunteer activity. More than five million American military veterans give in excess of 82 million hours of service
back to their communities. Aside from the knowledge and anecdotal evidence from groups like the VVA, American Legion and Veterans of Foreign Wars, it’s very hard to see these vol-vets in action. Yet, time after time when there’s a volunteer project underway, whether it’s building a house for the homeless, collecting toys for underprivileged kids, paying an electric bill for a senior citizen or just picking up litter from a local highway, you see them. They’re there. Veterans are always among the volunteers. The information given earlier in this story about Jack Sparks was just about all The Pulse could get. He was very tight-lipped about the amount and extent of work donated by him and his comrades except to say that veterans— mostly older veterans who are retired— have the time, energy and know-how to get things done. To get things done on time and within a budget. Yet for all they do, most veterans do it in the background. They don’t do it for the credit, or for any other reason except that they feel they need to. There are many groups whose advertised purpose is to help veterans. The Wounded Warrior Project, Disabled American Veterans, Wings for Warriors and We Honor Veterans are all dedicated to helping the veteran. And even in their ranks, most of the volunteers are veterans. It’s a holdover from their military service, when each soldier was told to
The tradition of service doesn't end when the uniform is retired.
look to his left, then look to his right. He was then told that these are his brothers and that each would look after the other. In military jargon it’s called, “Got your six,” “six” meaning the clock-relative position of your back. Soldiers, sailors, Marines and airmen always have each other’s back. One of the most active groups of veterans volunteering are those of the Vietnam era. “Most of us are retiring,” says Hobbs, “and we have time to do stuff like this.” Another factor in the volunteerism, especially by Vietnam vets, is that most of them got no hero’s welcome when they returned home from battle. They were simply returning to a nation weary of an unpopular war, even being subjected to jeers from antiwar protesters. Not that they blame the reception entirely on those who came before them, but the Vietnam Veterans of America motto is “Never again will one generation of veterans abandon another.” Hobbs tells The Pulse that not all their work is on a grand scale, such as the collections at Walmart last week. “You know, we’re just a
service organization…that’s what we do,” he says, “Veterans sometimes come through here and they may need gas money and stuff like that.” The VVA membership also helps fellow vets find their way through government red tape. “We help them when they’re homeless,” Hobbs explains, “we help them get their (VA) benefits.” Air Force veteran Marsha Thibadeaux started volunteering when she enlisted in the service. In a war in which most people were drafted, Thibadeaux willingly enlisted. Being a woman in the 1960s, her job was clerical in nature. But she served four years and is now still giving of herself by standing outside the Walmart. “I participate in the military funerals in the honor guard,” she says of her other volunteerism. “I’m the bugle blower and I help with the hat ceremony for the POWs and if they ask me to do something, I do it— whatever.” Thibadeaux’s experience as a clerk is also helpful in guiding other vets through the process of getting needed assistance from the government and other agencies.
Standing across from Thibadeaux is Ernest Turner. “I served from April 1964 through March of 1970,” says Turner, “And I was in the Army Reserves for six years.” Turner explains that he never had to go overseas and feels extremely fortunate for that. He says he feels much respect for those who did see combat and that he volunteers to help give back for the good fortune he’s experienced. Some of the veterans contacted for this story wouldn’t even allow their names to be published. Protective of their contributions to others, they labor in secret. One tells me that he doesn’t want “people coming out of the woodwork looking for free help,” yet a listing of the projects he’s helped complete would put a full-time contractor to shame. For now we’ll call him “Jim.” Jim retired from his job as a salesman several years ago and thought it would be
Veterans gather at the Hixson Walmart.
fun to take his hobby of carpentry and try to make a difference. Through his church, he has fixed broken windows, built handicapaccess ramps, re-screened porches and even built doghouses. Jim uses money collected by the church to buy the materials, uses his own tools and never asks for a dime in return. “I just figure if I can make one person’s life a little easier,” Jim explains, “by being there and fixing things they can’t fix on their own… well, I’d appreciate it if somebody did that for me if I needed it.” It’s very likely that if Jim ever slows down and needs help around the house, there’ll be a fellow veteran on his doorstep asking what they can do to help.
CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • DECEMBER 10, 2015 • THE PULSE • 9
ARTS SCENE
We’ll Always Love You, Charlie Brown Chattanooga Theatre Centre's Youth Production brings the TV classic to life The Muse of Fire playwrights and volunteers.
From Their Heads To The Stage Muse of Fire once again stages young playwrights’ creations A sushi falls in love with a watermelon. A family figures out how to stay together. A dog tries to save the world. A teenager learns to stand up for what she wants. A scientist bear creates potions to stop…a fear of rocks. These are just a few of the play concepts written by 10-, 11-, and 12-year-old playwrights for The Muse of Fire Project. A ten-week after-school theatre camp held at the Chattanooga Public Library, The Muse of Fire Project has been going strong for five years. Ten students come in and play games, eat snacks, brainstorm ideas, and develop the skills to write short plays with substance. As the students are mentored by the adults, who sometimes seem more excited than the kids, their confidence and excitement grows. Out of the unin-
hibited imaginations come characters that adults would rarely get to play—magic trees, lumberjacks, supermodels, warrior cats, and many more. Foam-core guitars, magic capes, and compositions by real music composers add to the authenticity of the worlds the children created on paper. The end result is always something fresh, original and fun. Make reservations in advance musetixreservations@gmail.com. Suggested $10 donation at the door. — Stephanie Smith The Muse of Fire Project Friday, 7 p.m. Saturday, 3, 7 p.m. Chattanooga Public Library 1001 Broad St. (423) 757-5310 themuseoffireproject.org
THU12.10
FRI12.11
SAT12.12
CHRISTMAS SHOP
FAMILY FRIENDLY
HOLIDAY DANCE
Holiday Pop-Up Shop
Jake Gullage
Chattanooga Ballet: “The Nutcracker”
Handmade goods from many of Chattanooga's emerging designers. 9 a.m. Chattanooga WorkSpace 302 W. 6th St. (423) 822-5750 chattanoogaworkspace.com
A musical act that has opened for Henry Cho and Etta May. 7:30, 9:45 p.m. The Comedy Catch 1400 Market St. (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com
Come see the timeless holiday classic from some of the city's best dancers. 8 p.m. Tivoli Theatre 709 Broad St. chattanoogaonstage.com
10 • THE PULSE • DECEMBER 10, 2015 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM
F
OR THOSE OF US WHO GREW UP READING BOOKS with reprints of Charles Schultz’s “Peanuts” characters, Charlie Brown is an institution, a heartbeat of our childhood that remains intact. Even 50 years later, younger audiences are drawn to the television movies like “A Charlie Brown Christmas” without having read a comic strip. Such is the power of Schultz’s stories of Linus, Lucy, Snoopy—and Charlie Brown.
Arts STEPHANIE SMITH
“
If the audience really listens to what they’re saying, Schultz’s words are really moving and thoughtprovoking.”
At the Chattanooga Theatre Centre, the television special and its beloved characters is being brought to life onstage by a group of fortunate young actors. Over 100 kids auditioned for the show, a huge turnout for a youth theatre piece featuring only 11 roles. Luckily, the show is doublecast to double kids’ opportunities. The CTC didn’t want to scare them away by advertising the show as a musical, either, and downplayed that aspect for those auditioning. Director Scott Dunlap says, “Just children’s voices singing is perfect. We wanted to de-emphasize it for them so we didn’t scare them off.” The main challenge, Dunlap insists, was getting the message across with two different age groups of kids. “The younger cast didn’t have to work to figure out the rules or hold back at all. The older kids have to make sense of it to do it. It’s really interesting to see the differences.” But what is the appeal of a 50-year-old story with moral values, religious themes, and, more importantly, no iPads or cell phones? “Surprisingly for me, even, it’s made me focus on what Christmas really is about,” says Dunlap. “It’s extremely nostalgic, yet also surprisingly moving. I’ve really been affected. This is not a school play, not a church play—instead it’s a group of kids from the community, and if the audience really listens to what they’re saying,
Charlie Brown (Tison Buck) tells Dr. Lucy Van Pelt (Rachel Lowe) that he doesn't have the Christmas Spirit. Lucy suggests he direct the Christmas play.
FIRST TENNESSEE FOUNDATION POPS SERIES
HOME for the HOLIDAYS 12.19.15 • 7:30pm 12.20.15 • 3:00pm Tivoli Theatre
423.267.8583 www.chattanoogasymphony.org Schultz’s words are really moving and thought-provoking.” In 1965, the television show almost wasn’t what it became. There was no Vince Guaraldi jazz track (which the CTC has recorded for consistency in the shows) and, notoriously, studio executives wanted a lisping Linus, who quotes from the Bible to tell Charlie Brown what Christmas is about, cut out of the program. It turns out those studio executives were wrong. “A Charlie Brown Christmas” has stood the test of time and continues to touch people with its simple message, which can get lost in today’s culture of uncertainty, mistrust, and conditional love, something that is not lost on these young actors. “At the first rehearsal we sat down and I asked the kids, ‘Why do we keep telling a story that seems futile because we keep missing the message?’” says Dunlap. “We were all kind of stumped—and then one child said, ‘If we say it and it’s real kids in front of people I think they’ll get it’ and I said ‘I think you’re right.’” For people familiar with the TV show, seeing the live show will be familiar because the script is exactly the same. “Literally everything the kids say is word-for-word like the television special,” says Dunlap. He laughs. “There are things you don’t notice when you start working on the play because they
were in a cartoon. Suddenly props disappear or reappear and you wonder where they come from. To make animation come to life, you begin to realize the challenges.” Sets and costumes have been taken back to Schultz’s drawings, as opposed to the cardboard-like quality of the television special. “We take it back to what he was imitating in his drawings,” says Dunlap. “We found clothes that look like the clothes, but things with texture. We tried to bring that flatness into a three-dimensional world. I mean, the hairstyles are strange live, so we were going back for inspiration about 195965 to what would a little girl look like at that time. It can get creepy if you dress like a cartoon coming to life. That’s the danger when trying to replicate an impressionist.” The biggest takeaway for the audience will probably be the nostalgia of what it was like as a child to be in Charlie Brown’s shoes, says Dunlap. “Having it be live and having it be children, you do realize that seeing it as a child, as Charlie Brown is experiencing it, would be hateful,” he explains. “The Charlie Brown story really does go back to being a ‘Charlie Brown Christmas’—he is the one who changes. When you see a real kid go through it, it’s very meaningful and makes it more real. That’s one of the great things that live theatre does.” CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • DECEMBER 10, 2015 • THE PULSE • 11
ARTS CALENDAR
A portion of each ticket sold goes to support Ronald McDonald House Charities of Greater Chattanooga
"The Nutcracker"
THURSDAY12.10
Now through January 2!
Make Plans! Meet Santa & Mrs. Claus Gingerbread Cookie Decorating Sugar Plum Fairy Makeovers Live North Pole Lodge Entertainment Inara the Ice Queen & Jack Frost The Magical Dancing Forest Award-Winning Lighting Extravaganza with Breathtaking Holiday Scenes
A Magical Adventure for the Whole Family Nightly at Rock City • 6pm-9pm atop Lookout Mountain! Open Christmas Night (Closed Christmas Eve Night)
For more info call:
706.820.2531 1400 Patten Road, Lookout Mountain, GA 30750
Holiday Pop-Up Shop 9 a.m. Chattanooga WorkSpace 302 W. 6th St. (423) 822-5750 chattanoogaworkspace.com Ruby Falls’ Christmas Underground 10 a.m. Ruby Falls 1720 Scenic Hwy. (423) 821-2544 rubyfalls.com Homeschool Science Club 1 p.m. Creative Discovery Museum 321 Chestnut St. (423) 756-2738 cdmfun.org Paw Pals Storytime 1:30 p.m. McKamey Animal Center 4500 N. Access Rd. (423) 305-6500 mckameyanimalcenter.com Ooltewah Farmers Market 3 p.m. Ooltewah Nursery & Landscape Co. 5829 Main St. (423) 238-9775 ooltewahnursery.com Members Holiday Party 6 p.m. Hunter Museum of American Art 10 Bluff View (423) 267-0968 huntermuseum.org Southern Belle Christmas Carol Cruise 7 p.m.
12 • THE PULSE • DECEMBER 10, 2015 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM
Southern Belle Riverboat 201 Riverfront Pkwy. Pier 2 chattanoogariverboat.com The Lincoln Center: Balanchine’s “The Nutcracker” 7 p.m. East Ridge 18 5080 S. Terrace (423) 855-9652 carmike.com “The Best Christmas Pageant Ever” 7:30 p.m. Ensemble Theatre of Chattanooga 104 N. Tuxedo Ave. (423) 602-8640 Jake Gullage 7:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch 1400 Market St. (423) 629-2233
THE UNWRAPPING OF CHRISTMAS This serio-comic drama by NYC award-winning playwright Pamela Scott examines the dysfunctional family dynamic in full holiday (anti-saccharine) style. "The Unwrapping of Christmas" Monday, 7 p.m. ReCreate Cafe 800 McCallie Ave.
thecomedycatch.com
FRIDAY12.11 Holiday Pop Up Shop 9 a.m. Chattanooga WorkSpace 302 W. 6th St. (423) 822-5750 chattanoogaworkspace.com USA Dance Holiday Ball 7:15 p.m. Lundy Hall Gymnasium Brainerd United Methodist Church 4315 Brainerd Rd. chattanoogausadance.com “The Best Christmas Pageant Ever” 7:30 p.m. Ensemble Theatre of Chattanooga 104 N. Tuxedo Ave.
(423) 602-8640 “Children of Eden” 7:30 p.m. RKW Community Theatre Memorial Auditorium 399 McCallie Ave. closeddoorentertainment.com Jake Gullage 7:30, 9:45 p.m. The Comedy Catch 1400 Market St. (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com “A Christmas Story, the Musical!” 8 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre 400 River St. (423) 267-8534 theatrecentre.com Chattanooga Ballet: “The Nutcracker” 8 p.m. Tivoli Theatre 709 Broad St. chattanoogaonstage.com
SATURDAY12.13 Chattanooga Holiday Market 10 a.m. Chattanooga Convention Center 1150 Carter St. chattanoogamarket.com Poptots Holiday Blanket Concert: String Quintet 10 a.m. Creative Discovery Museum 321 Chestnut St. cdmfun.org Brainerd Farmers Market 10 a.m. Grace Episcopal Church
ARTS CALENDAR
"The Best Christmas Pageant Ever" 20 Belvoir Ave. (423) 698-0330 saygrace.net Open House 11 a.m. AVA Gallery 30 Frazier Ave (423) 265-4282 avarts.org The Met: “The Magic Flute” Encore 12:55 p.m. East Ridge 18 5080 S. Terrace (423) 855-9652 carmike.com Southern Belle ’Tis the Season Lunch Cruise 1 p.m. Southern Belle Riverboat 201 Riverfront Pkwy. Pier 2 chattanoogariverboat.com “A Very Victorian Christmas” 1 p.m. Houston Museum of Decorative Arts 210 High St. thehoustonmuseum.org Holmies Give Back! A Holiday Happening 2 p.m. East Chattanooga Academy of Art and Social Justice 2437 Glass St. “A Charlie Brown Christmas” 2:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre 400 River St. (423) 267-8534 theatrecentre.com “Children of Eden” 2:30, 7:30 p.m. RKW Community Theatre
Memorial Auditorium 399 McCallie Ave. closeddoorentertainment.com “The Best Christmas Pageant Ever” 7:30 p.m. Ensemble Theatre of Chattanooga 104 N. Tuxedo Ave. (423) 602-8640 Jake Gullage 7:30, 9:45 p.m. The Comedy Catch 1400 Market St. (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com “A Christmas Story, the Musical!” 8 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre 400 River St. (423) 267-8534 theatrecentre.com Chattanooga Ballet: “The Nutcracker” 8 p.m. Tivoli Theatre 709 Broad St. chattanoogaonstage.com
SUNDAY12.14 Chattanooga Holiday Market 11 a.m. Chattanooga Convention Center 1150 Carter St. chattanoogamarket.com Chattanooga Ballet: “The Nutcracker” 2 p.m. Tivoli Theatre 709 Broad St. chattanoogaonstage.com
“A Charlie Brown Christmas” 2:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre 400 River St. (423) 267-8534 theatrecentre.com “The Best Christmas Pageant Ever” 2:30 p.m. Ensemble Theatre of Chattanooga 104 N. Tuxedo Ave. (423) 602-8640 “Messiah Community Singalong” 3 p.m. Chattanooga First Seventh Day Adventist Church 7450 Standifer Gap Road (423) 605–2468 Lee University Children’s Chorale 3 p.m. Lee University 1020 N. Ocoee St. Leeuniversity.edu Jake Gullage 7:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch 1400 Market St. (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com
MONDAY12.15 Vintage Swing Dance 7 p.m. Clear Spring Yoga 17 N. Market St. (931) 982-1678 clearspringyoga.com “The Unwrapping of Christmas” Reading
7 p.m. ReCreate Café 800 McCallie Ave. facebook.com/recreatecafearts
TUESDAY12.16 Noon Nosh and Haddasah Joint Mitzvah Project Noon Jewish Cultural Center 5461 N. Terrace (423) 493-0270 jewishchattanooga.com Mindfulness for Beginners 5:45 p.m. Center for Mindful Living 400 E. Main St. (423) 486-1279 centerformindfulliving. wildapricot.org
Take an adventure through an ice cave to see Santa!
Watch gemstone miners play, catch a view of the Northern Lights and journey through the Sugar Plum Fairy Village. Join the miners in their search for Joystone as they celebrate the holidays underground in Christmas town!
$
WEDNESDAY12.17
9.95
Adults & Children
Middle East Dance 10:30 a.m. Jewish Cultural Center 5461 N. Terrace (423) 493-0270 jewishchattanooga.com Main Street Farmers Market 4 p.m. 325 E. Main St. mainstfarmersmarket.com Wednesday Night Chess Club 6 p.m. Downtown Public Library 1001 Broad St. Map these locations on chattanoogapulse.com. Send event listings at least 10 days in advance to: calendar@chattanoogapulse.com
$
-OR-
4.00
with purchase of Ruby Falls ticket!
Thursdays through Sundays December 3rd - 20th 10am - 8pm December 22nd & 23rd 3pm - 8 pm 423.821.2544
RubyFalls.com
1720 S. Scenic HWY • Chattanooga, TN 37409
CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • DECEMBER 10, 2015 • THE PULSE • 13
MUSIC SCENE
Watch the Spring Sky For A Brand New Album Mike McDade
Still Rockin’ After Nine Years The Tremont Taven celebrates musically in style A little hole in the wall joint that is difficult to spot unless you know it’s there is nonetheless one of the best places to hear singer-songwriters on any night of the week in Chattanooga. On Saturday and Sunday that joint will host the Tremont Tavern Anniversary Party Version 9.0. Eight singer-songwriters will take the “stage”—i.e. the tiny corner at the back of the bar—to perform their original works to a home crowd very familiar with their music. The event will be crowded and noisy because it’s hard to fit what will surely be dozens of people into a bar this size, but the benefits will be worth it. Grab a signature burger and your favorite beer—if you’ve been there often enough you have your own mug on the wall—and drink a toast to TT while gabbing with friends and
listening to music you’ve enjoyed for years. One of the coziest places to see and be seen, after a couple of evenings there you’ll come to regard Tremont Tavern as home. And that’s the way they like it. — Stephanie Smith Tremont Tavern Anniversary Party Version 9.0 Friday, Dec. 11 8 p.m. Barron Wilson 9 p.m. Slim Pickins 10 p.m. Mike McDade 11 p.m. Jordan Hallquist & The Outfit Saturday, Dec. 12 8 p.m. Johnathan Wimpee 9 p.m. Megan Howard 10 p.m. Ryan Oyer 11 p.m. Function 1203 Hixson Pike tremonttavern.com
THU12.10
FRI12.11
SAT12.12
JAZZ HANDS
GOT DA BLUES
OUTLAW TIME
Keith Brown Quintet
Rick Rushing and the Blues Strangers
David Allen Coe
Do you like jazz? Really good jazz? Then you don't dare miss this show. 7:30 p.m. Barking Legs Theater 1307 Dodds Ave. barkinglegs.org
We told you about the new album last week. Now you can hear it live. 8:30 p.m. The Foundry 1201 Broad St.
One of the legendary outlaws of country music is back and better than ever. 9 p.m. Revelry Room 1400 Market St. revelryroom.com
14 • THE PULSE • DECEMBER 10, 2015 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM
Locla band PLVNET is working on a fireworks display of a release
P
LVNET (THAT’S “PLANET” TO YOU AND ME) IS A BAND I’ve been trying to write about for a couple of months now. I say “trying,” because despite my best intentions something always seems to interfere (illness, shifting deadline, time-sensitive material, etc.). The band has been very patient with these setbacks, while I have started wondering whether or not fate decreed this article wasn’t to be.
Music MARC T. MICHAEL
“
‘Street Lights’ opens with a semi-fuzzed bit of noodling that without warning gives way to a glorious wall of sound and soaring vocals.”
Even now I have to wonder if maybe the battery in my laptop is going to explode before I can finish typing. On the other hand, maybe it isn’t that fate didn’t want me to write about PLVNET so much as it wanted me to wait just a little while longer. In the interim, the band has completed a grueling East Coast tour and started recording some hot new tracks that may form the basis of their next album. In other words, I was going to write about a good band—now I get to write about a great band. The band clearly has a wide variety of influences, both individual artists and genres, but my first impression was that the Foo Fighters DNA has left the most recognizable mark. That’s high praise, by the way. A band could do much worse than have some similarities to the Foo Fighters. “Similarities” is a key here; the band is not a clone of, cover of or tribute to FF, they just happen to have some similarities. I was fortunate enough to be given three new tracks to evaluate. Their first album is damn fine, but the new tracks reflect some changes in line up
NOW ON SALE!
GRACE POTTER
OUTLAW COUNTRY
WEDNESDAY • JANUARY 13 $29.50 ADVANCE • $33 DAY OF (and in the maturity and songwriting ability of the band). Of these three new tracks only one, “Street Lights,” has been dubbed fit for human consumption yet. The other two tracks are works in progress, although to my ear they sound ready to go. “Street Lights” opens with a semifuzzed bit of noodling that without warning gives way to a glorious wall of sound and soaring vocals. Just as swiftly, it falls back to the verse where the instrumentation becomes subdued and the vocals are more “matter of fact”—at least until the next chorus, when it all explodes again. This “tension and release” dynamic seems to be a staple of the band. They use it to great effect, making what are already very well-written songs even more audibly interesting. One gets the impression that the band is exercising a great deal of restraint, only letting slip precisely as much they mean to at any given moment. Even the guitar solo is gloriously minimalist. The takeaway from this is that while many bands are often described as having “raw talent,” PLVNET is a
powerhouse of refined talent. Not a big surprise there, either, as at least a few of the fellas are alumni of bands like Downstream and Crank Sanatra. Wes Hartman’s vocal style and ability is perfectly suited to the band, as are the guitars of Nathanimal Luttrell and Will Martin. Bassist Abe Watson and drummer Michael “Red” Souther provide the solid rhythm background that allows the rest of the band to explore the space, vocally and instrumentally. PLVNET just came off of a grueling tour, covering 5,300 miles in 20 days and bringing back a great deal more experience and inspiration than they started with. See it for yourself on Thursday, Dec. 17 at the Revelry Room with special guests Divided We Stand from Knoxville. In the meantime, PLVNET’s current catalog can be found in all the usual online haunts and I highly recommend having a listen. Besides the new single, “Sleeping with Thieves” is a personal favorite. If the work they’ve done is any indication, their new album (due next spring) is going to be magnificent.
DAVID ALLAN COE
SATURDAY • DECEMBER 12 $25 ADVANCE & DAY OF
FALL CONCERT CALENDAR 12/11
REV
HIGH ON FIRE WITH CROWBAR
12/12
REV
DAVID ALLAN COE
12/17
REV
PLVNET • DIVIDED WE STAND
12/18
REV NICK LUTSKO & THE PUPPET PEOPLE
12/19
T29
MAGIC MEN LIVE
12/16
REV
TUT & THE PLUG
12/26 REV
BACKUP PLANET
12/27 REV
NEW MADRID
12/30 REV
THE MAIN SQUEEZE
NYE
T29
HERE COME THE MUMMIES
NYE
REV
THE VELCRO PYGMIES
1/8
REV
MITCH ROSSELL
1/13
T29
GRACE POTTER
1/16
REV
STEEP CANYON RANGERS
1/21
REV
JOSH ABBOTT BAND
1/23
REV
MARC BROUSSARD
2/4
T29
JOSH GARRELS • JOHN MARK MCMILLAN
4 WAYS TO PURCHASE TICKETS TRACK29.CO • REVELRYROOM.CO • (423) 521-2929 BOX OFFICE IS OPEN 10AM - 6PM EVERY FRIDAY CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • DECEMBER 10, 2015 • THE PULSE • 15
MUSIC CALENDAR
How I Became The Bomb
THURSDAY12.10 James Crumble Trio 6 p.m. St. John’s Meeting Place 1278 Market St. stjohnsrestaurant.com Rick Rushing with Dakari & Friends 6 p.m. Bluewater Grille 224 Broad St. bluewaterchattanooga.com Prime Country Band 6:30 p.m. Ringgold Nutrition Center 144 Circle Dr., Ringgold (706) 935-2541 Live Bluegrass 6:30 p.m. Whole Foods Market 301 Manufacturers Rd. wholefoodsmarket.com Jimmy Harris 7 p.m. The Coconut Room 6925 Shallowford Rd. thepalmsathamilton.com Jesse James & Tim Neal 7 p.m. Mexi Wings VII 5773 Brainerd Rd. (423) 296-1073 Celebrate Christmas at Covenant 7 p.m. Covenant College 14049 Scenic Hwy. covenant.edu/celebrateChristmas Keith Brown Quintet 7:30 p.m. Barking Legs Theater 1307 Dodds Ave. barkinglegs.org
Bluegrass Thursdays 7:30 p.m. Feed Co. Table & Tavern 201 W. Main St. feedtableandtavern.com Open Mic with Hap Heninnger 9 p.m. The Office @ City Cafe 901 Carter St. citycafemenu.com Brave Baby, Daddy Issues, CR JJ’S Bohemia 9 p.m. 231 E. MLK Blvd. jjsbohemia.com
FRIDAY12.11 Eddie Pontiac 5:30 p.m. El Meson 2204 Hamilton Place Blvd. elmesonrestaurant.com
PULSE PICK: GARY POOLE One of The Pulse's own picks up his acoustic guitar and headlines a night of original music and reimagined classics in a rare acoustic-only solo performance. Gary Poole Friday, 9 p.m. City Cafe @ The Office 901 Carter St. citycafemenus.com
16 • THE PULSE • DECEMBER 10, 2015 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM
Binji Varsossa 6 p.m. Cancun Mexican Restaurant & Lounge 1809 Broad St. (423) 266-1461 Chattanooga Boys Choir 6:30 pm Rock City 1400 Patten Rd. seerockcity.com Celebrate Christmas at Covenant 7 p.m. Covenant College 14049 Scenic Hwy. covenant.edu/celebrateChristmas River City Sessions 7 p.m. The Camp House 149 E. MLK Blvd. thecamphouse.com Jimmy Harris 7 p.m. The Coconut Room
6925 Shallowford Rd. thepalmsathamilton.com Tim Lewis 7 p.m. El Meson 248 Northgate Park elmesonchattanooga.com High on Fire 7:30 p.m. Revelry Room 1400 Market St. revelryroom.co Tremont Tavern Anniversary Party Version 9.0 8 p.m. 1203 Hixson Pike tremonttavern.com Rick Rushing and the Blues Strangers 8:30 p.m. The Foundry 1201 Broad St. chattanooganhotel.com Roughwork
9 p.m. World of Beer 412 Market St. wobusa.com How I Became the Bomb, SOCRO JJ’s Bohemia 9 p.m. 231 E. MLK Blvd. jjsbohemia.com Gary Poole 9 p.m. The Office @ City Cafe 901 Carter St. citycafemenu.com Arson 10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar 5751 Brainerd Rd. budssportsbar.com
SATURDAY12.12 Chattanooga Girls Choir 11 a.m. Chattanooga Convention Center 1150 Carter St. chattanoogamarket.com Butch Ross 12:30 p.m. Chattanooga Convention Center 1150 Carter St. chattanoogamarket.com Eddie Pontiac 5:30 p.m. El Meson 2204 Hamilton Place Blvd. elmesonrestaurant.com Binji Varsossa 6 p.m. Cancun Mexican Restaurant & Lounge 1809 Broad St. (423) 266-1461
MUSIC CALENDAR
High On Fire Jericho Brass 6:30 pm Rock City 1400 Patten Rd. seerockcity.com Tim Lewis 7 p.m. El Meson 248 Northgate Park elmesonchattanooga.com Jimmy Harris 7 p.m. The Coconut Room 6925 Shallowford Rd. thepalmsathamilton.com Tremont Tavern Anniversary Party Version 9.0 8 p.m. Tremont Tavern 1203 Hixson Pike tremonttavern.com Birds with Fleas, Chilhowie Royal, Beth Ireland 8 p.m. Barking Legs Theater 1307 Dodds Ave. barkinglegs.org Rick Rushing and the Blues Strangers 8:30 p.m. The Foundry 1201 Broad St. chattanooganhotel.com David Allen Coe 9 p.m. Revelry Room 1400 Market St. revelryroom.com Steadfast Soul, Shabti, Courtney Holder JJ’s Bohemia 9 p.m. 231 E. MLK Blvd. jjsbohemia.com
Raven Cliff 9 p.m. Puckett’s Chattanooga 2 W. Aquarium Way #110 puckettsgro.com Arson 10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar 5751 Brainerd Rd. budssportsbar.com Mark Andrew 10 p.m. The Office @ City Cafe 901 Carter St. citycafemenu.com
SUNDAY12.13 Butch Ross 12:30 p.m. Chattanooga Convention Center 1150 Carter St. chattanoogamarket.com Roni Stoneman 3 p.m. Barking Legs Theater 1307 Dodds Ave. barkinglegs.org Lou Wamp & Swing Shift 3:30 p.m. Chattanooga Convention Center 1150 Carter St. chattanoogamarket.com Open Mic with Jeff Daniels 6 p.m. Long Haul Saloon 2536 Cummings Hwy. (423) 822-9775 Christian Mann 6:30 pm Rock City 1400 Patten Rd. seerockcity.com
Lovedrug, Side Effects, Kerchief 8 p.m. JJ’S Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd. jjsbohemia.com
MONDAY12.14 Woodstock Middle & High School Orchestras 6:30 pm Rock City 1400 Patten Rd. seerockcity.com Monday Nite Big Band 7 p.m. The Coconut Room 6925 Shallowford Rd. Very Open Mic 8 p.m. The Well 1800 Rossville Blvd. #8 wellonthesouthside.com
TUESDAY12.15 LFO High School Jazz Band 6:30 pm Rock City 1400 Patten Rd. seerockcity.com Bill McCallie & In Cahoots 6:30 p.m. Southern Belle Riverboat 201 Riverfront Pkwy. chattanoogariverboat.com Open Mic with Mike McDade 8 p.m. Tremont Tavern 1203 Hixson Pike tremonttavern.com
901 Carter St. Inside City Café (423) 634-9191
Thursday, December 10: 9pm Open Mic with Hap Henninger Friday, December 11: 9pm Gary Poole Saturday, December 12: 10pm Mark Andrew Tuesday, December 15: 7pm Server/Hotel Appreciation Night
WEDNESDAY12.16 Eddie Pontiac 5:30 p.m. El Meson 248 Northgate Park elmesonrestaurant.com No Big Deal 6 p.m. SpringHill Suites 495 Riverfront Pkwy. (423) 834-9300 Chattanooga Flute Choir 6:30 pm Rock City 1400 Patten Rd. seerockcity.com Jimmy Harris 7 p.m. The Coconut Room 6925 Shallowford Rd. thepalmsathamilton.com Dexter Bell Quartet 8 p.m. Barking Legs Theater 1307 Dodds Ave. barkinglegs.org Blues Night 8 p.m. The Office @ City Cafe 901 Carter St. citycafemenu.com Preston Parris 8 p.m. The Palms Lounge 6925 Shallowford Rd. thepalmsathamilton.com Map these locations on chattanoogapulse.com. Send event listings at least 10 days in advance to: calendar@chattanoogapulse.com
$5 Pitchers • $2 Wells ! • $1.50 Domestics
Wednesday, December 16, 8pm Wednesday Blues Night
#1 Desserts! Voted “Best of the Best” 901 Carter Street
citycafemenu.com/the-office
Now open for dinner Tuesday-Saturday
Home of Chattanooga Style BBQ, as enjoyed by Pres. George W. Bush! Same Southside location for 25 years
1251 Market Steet Chattanooga, TN (423) 267-2726 www.porkersbbq.com
CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • DECEMBER 10, 2015 • THE PULSE • 17
RECORD REVIEWS ERNIE PAIK
T
AT L A N TA ,
GA
•
C E N T E N N I A L
O LY M P I C
shakybeatsfestival.com 18 • THE PULSE • DECEMBER 10, 2015 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM
PA R K
hey had me at “37-minute live version of ‘Sister Ray.’” That is the exact moment this writer knew he needed to own The Complete Matrix Tapes, which documents four different Vel- The Velvet Underground vet Underground The Complete Matrix sets at the San Tapes Francisco venue (Polydor) Matrix in late 1969. Fans are intimately familiar with the churning, locomotiveon-fire 17-minute studio version on White Light/ White Heat, but the version here is even more of an epic, using time and space (and drummer Maureen Tucker’s snare-drum-as-foley-art gunshots at appropriate times) as dramatic elements in Lou Reed’s tale of “debauchery and decay” and careening wildly through its curves when it heats up. (In the liner notes, bassist/organist Doug Yule later claimed that the song’s length in live performances was originally a form of revenge against the Grateful Dead, who preceded the band onstage two evenings prior, but that’s another story.) While the 4-CD set The Complete Matrix Tapes includes a number of previously unreleased recordings, sizable chunks of these performances had already been released on the double-album 1969: The Velvet Underground Live and the 3-CD The Quine Tapes. But, the reason this material is worth revisiting yet again is because of the astounding (yes, astounding) sound quality here, blowing the tinny 1969 and the low-fidelity audience recordings of The Quine Tapes away. The clarity makes the performances more real and less mythical—like the group just played last week down the block—with Reed’s meaty guitar chugs, Sterling Morrison’s trademark guitar timbres and Tucker’s primitive vitality unobscured. The only people who lose here are the fanatics who bought last year’s Super Deluxe 6-CD version of The Velvet Underground, which included 2 CDs with selections from these Matrix recordings, and now have to buy them again; I see what you did there, Polydor. This writer doesn’t recommend binge listening, due to the song repetition which can be wearying—for example, “Some Kinda Love,” “Heroin” and “We’re Gonna Have a Real Good Time Together” show up on all four sets. Instead, take your time and savor the numerous highlights, like the supercharged “White Light/ White Heat” (which absolutely blows the studio version away), the majestic “Ocean” and the propulsive 9-minute “What Goes On” with
hypnotic organ lines. In the intro to “The Black Angel’s Death Song,” Reed explains humorously that the track—apparently difficult listening for many— was used to empty clubs; however, those who stuck around—like those who waited 46 years to get The Complete Matrix Tapes—were rewarded.
Y
ears ago, a silly question popped into this writer’s head— “Has Michael Gira of Swans ever just sat down, turned on the TV and laughed his head off at, say, an epiHelen sode of Friends?” Here’s another: The Original Faces has Glenn Dan- (Kranky) zig ever—ever, even as a child—eaten an ice cream cone? Do these people—purveyors of darkness, doom and gloom—ever smile when they aren’t onstage? Laugh? Surely, right? But one just can’t picture it, unless, perhaps, their enemies have just been crushed or humiliated, or something like that. Those familiar with the compelling work of Oregon-based musician Liz Harris—better known as the one-woman band Grouper—know it to be a largely haunted and somber affair, with a permeating melancholia portrayed with fuzzy and blurry sonic fogs and beautiful, yet barely discernible singing. Grouper’s excellent 2014 album Ruins revealed a welcome new stage in her artistic evolution, and her new band Helen, which allegedly began with the intentions of being a thrash band, offers yet another phase, with a different face of Harris. The first part of the opening track, “Ryder,” is a bit of a red herring, featuring warbling strums of an acoustic guitar being played on what sounds like a damaged cassette player, severely warping the sounds; then, the song bursts open with a noise-pop, shimmering shoegaze approach. The concise 79-second track “Covered in Shade” is downright bouncy, like something from the K Records family; a number of tracks—including “Felt This Way” with unrelentingly distorted guitars and “Grace” with its primal, pounding drums—ooze a strong Black Tambourine/Slumberland Records vibe. Here’s the thing—Harris actually sounds like she’s enjoying herself, even though her singing style and reverberating vocal effects are fairly similar to what she does as Grouper. It’s an odd duality—there’s an underlying vigor but with a bangs-covering-the-eyes shyness—but it works here.
COLUMN SUSHI & BISCUITS
Best Thai You’ve Never Had Chef Mike reveals the secret of making classic boat noodles “All of the ingredients to make your own can be found at your favorite Asian market, such as Asian Food & Gifts in Hixson.”
Three years ago, I walked into a nondescript restaurant in Bangkok, Thailand, in search of a dish that is virtually MIKE unheard of in MCJUNKIN the U.S.—boat noodles, or guai dtiaw in Thai. There were no tourists or Westerners in sight, only Thai locals lining the seats along the roughly hewn wooden communal tables that filled every inch of the restaurant’s space. As they finished each bowl of noodles, customers would carefully stack the chipped and cracked brown ceramic bowls to create a personal monument to honor of their culinary triumph over each serving of this iconic dish. At only 10 baht per bowl (about 42¢ US), it was easy for me to quickly create my own pillar of ceramic bowls as I sampled both the beef and pork versions, along with a variety of noodle options. The rich, slightly thick broth has a stunningly delicious and surprisingly intricate fabric of flavors that weave together
to form a dish that rivals Vietnamese pho or Mexican mole in complexity and depth. Before you grab your keys and head for the nearest Thai restaurant, I have to warn you that Thai boat noodles are not available in Chattanooga. However, all of the ingredients to make your own can be found at your favorite Asian market, such as Asian Food & Gifts in Hixson. The following recipe is long and requires a lot of ingredients, but the preparation is simple and could not be more worthy of the effort. Note: To assemble boat noodles at ser vice, you’re going to need a noodle basket, at least four ser ving bowls that can hold up to three cups of f inished boat noodles and four additional, soup-sized bowls for assembling ingredients at ser vice. The broth 3 lb. boneless pork shoulder, cut into 2” long strips, no more than 1/4” thick 1 thumb-sized piece of galangal, thinly sliced 3 large stalks lemongrass, trimmed and thinly sliced 8 large fresh cilantro roots, lightly
smashed 3 fresh or frozen pandan leaves, slightly bruised and tied into a knot 1-1/2 cups roughly chopped Chinese celery leaves 3/4 cup light soy sauce 1 tbsp. black soy sauce 1/4 cup fish sauce 5 oz. palm sugar 1 cinnamon stick 3 bay leaves 2 tbsp. black peppercorns 3 pieces of star anise 12 cups water Place all the broth ingredients into a large stockpot and bring to a boil, then cover and reduce the heat to a slow simmer. Simmer for one hour, or until the pork is tender but not falling apart. Reserve five cups of broth and two cups of stewed pork. The rest can be stored in the refrigerator for up to five days or the freezer for up to six months. Keep the broth and pork covered, on low heat, until time to serve. Assembly 1/4 cup chili vinegar 2 tbsp. fried garlic 2 tbsp. Thai chili powder 2 tbsp. fried garlic oil 1 tbsp. raw pork blood (you can leave this out if you’re skeered)
12 oz. boneless pork shoulder, sliced into bite-size strips 12 pork balls (no, not testicles...) 12 oz. thin rice noodles soaked in lukewarm water about 15 minutes (until they just turn pliable), then drained well 3 oz. Chinese water spinach leaves and thin stems, cut into 2” pieces 3 oz. bean sprouts (about 2 cups, lightly packed) 1/3 cup roughly chopped Chinese celery 1/3 cup roughly chopped cilantro (stems and leaves) How to make it Bring a large pot of water to a boil. In each of your serving bowls put 1 tbsp. chili vinegar, 1-1/2 tsp. fried garlic oil, 1-1/2 tsp. fried garlic, 1 tsp. chili powder, and 1 tsp. pork blood (optional). In each of your four additional soupsized bowls, combine 3 oz. of raw pork shoulder, 3 pork balls, 3 oz. noodles, about 2/3 cup of water spinach, and 1/3 cup bean sprouts. Set remaining ingredients aside. Making one portion at a time, add one bowl of the noodle/pork mixture to a noodle basket and immerse in the boiling water. Stir the ingredients with a wooden spoon or chopsticks until the pork shoulder is just cooked through, less than two minutes. Drain well. Add the contents of the basket into a serving bowl, top with about 1/3 cup of the reserved stewed pork, then add 1 cup of broth. Repeat with the remaining three bowls. Just before eating, add a generous three-finger pinch of the remaining water spinach, sprouts, Chinese celery and cilantro. Provide guests a condiment station with chili fish sauce, sugar, vinegarsoaked chiles, and chili powder so they can season to taste before eating. Longtime food writer and professional chef Mike McJunkin is a native Chattanoogan who has trained chefs, owned and operated restaurants. Join him on Facebook at facebook.com/ SushiAndBiscuits
CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • DECEMBER 10, 2015 • THE PULSE • 19
2015
Holiday
Shopping
holiday F I N D S for
home H E R
Guide
Anki Overdrive is an app-connected blend of classic slot cars and kartracing video games, and the mixture of real-world toys and electronic "weapons" and leveling works much better than it has any right to. $120, anki.com
northChattanooga SHOPPE 401 N MARKET
Southside POP-UP SHOPPE
100 W MAIN / OLD GROCERY BAR LOC.
4 2 3 - 7 5 6 - 8 7 1 1 SOPHIESSHOPPE.COM
Wright JeWelers 6311 e. Brainerd rd • (423) 499-0569 wrightjewelers.com
Green pipes in the Mario series can be gateways to new areas, or paths to nasty surprises. Hopefully, this sweet Level-Up Pipe Mug won't have any of the latter: it houses 15 oz. of hot or cold liquid, has a fittingly retro lookand is dishwasher and microwave safe. $13, thinkgeek.com
20 • THE PULSE • DECEMBER 10, 2015 • HOLIDAY SHOPPING GUIDE • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM
Want to see the world in a whole new way? Get a Tandem Skydiving gift certificate from the Chattanooga Skydiving Company. Great for your favorite loved one, coworker, boss, Secret Santa, or even people you like. Good for two years, and best yet, buy now and get the jump video included for free! chattanoogaskydivingcompany.com
"World-renowned flavor with a local twist." Chattanooga's fine oil and balsamic tasting room. The Big Green Egg stands alone as the most versatile barbecue or outdoor cooking product on the market, with more capabilities than all other conventional cookers combined. From appetizers to entrees to desserts, the Big Green Egg will exceed all of your expectations for culinary perfection…and with seven convenient sizes to choose from, there is a Big Green Egg to fit any lifestyle! Find the one that's right for you at Gas Appliances Unlimited, 5604 Hwy. 153, (423) 677-6303. gasppliancesunlimited.com
112 Woodland Ave off of Frazier Ave in the NorthShore 423.266.4044 olivechattanooga.com
It's the world's first LED light and dual stereo speakers combined into one bulb. No, we're not making this up. The Sengled Pulse Solo is an LED light with dual 3-watt speakers to provide stereo sound effect. You simply screw the bulb into your existing lamp and download the app onto your phone, then instantly stream music and regulate the lighting. $60, sengled.com
Happy Holidays! the best selection of holiday gifts for friends & family
This fun and unique pocketsize paperback coloring book is designed to channel stress into relaxing, creative accomplishments. The Mindfulness Coloring Book: Anti-Stress Art Therapy For Busy People by illustrator Emma Farrarons presents 70 intricate patterns to help you color your way to tranquility. This take-it-with-you book can be carried in your bag for an instant bit of bliss that'll help you de-stress wherever you go. $9.95, barnesandnoble.com
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
Chattanooga’s Home for locally made jewelry, art, pottery, glassware, and so much more...
roost ~ sausalito, california
330 Frazier Ave. Suite 116 On the Northshore (423) 266-6661
GIFTS • BRIDAL HOME • JEWELRY 330 Frazier Ave • Mon-Fri: 10-6 Sat: 10-5 423.266.0585 • plumnellyshop.com
CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • HOLIDAY SHOPPING GUIDE • DECEMBER 10, 2015 • THE PULSE • 21
l a U t r i V w o sn
2015
d n a i k s o t n n o r a d e r l a o b snow
intro session Perfect for the beginner or intermediate skier. You test Virtual Snow, Virtual Snow tests you!
1HoUr $125
basic package
Holiday
Shopping Guide
Want to ease calf, shin and foot pain without popping pills? These Calf Compression Sleeves are made to increase circulation, which reduces swelling and soreness and relieves pain naturally. Get the calf support you need, only with graduated compression. $18, amazon.com
Develop skills, build confidence on Virtual Snow with video drills
5 1-HoUr sessions $599.95
Plus bonus 1-hour session free and another bonus 1-hour session free when you return from your ski vacation! Caroline coaches Kaitlyn on the Virtual Ski Machine
tHe inVestment of a lifetime!
CONVENIENT SCHEDULES•CaLL TODay!
dodge city ski shop
SKIS•SNOWBOaRDS•SKI aPPaREL
7698 E. BrainErd road
423.892.6767•dodgecityski.com 22 • THE PULSE • DECEMBER 10, 2015 • HOLIDAY SHOPPING GUIDE • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM
Don't let yourself get caught up in unnecessary wires. The BlueVIBE EXS Headphones combine Bluetooth connectivity and stunning sound quality to wirelessly stream crystal clear audio. Enjoy rich lows and sweeping highs from up to 60 feet away. Microphone and range make for a terrific wireless hands-free Bluetooth headset around the house, in the car and at the office. $40, newegg.com Every man meeds an Ugly Christmas Sweater. And what could be better than combining a classic holiday mess with suspenders? Everyone likes suspenders, right? Right? And the jingle bells even work, they ring out your joy for the season. Don't be left out in the cold, show your love of the holidays with a sweater than will be remembered for years to come. $70, tipsyelves.com
Santa knows what would be the perfect holiday gift Available at: Hayao Miyzaki is responsible for some of the finest and most affecting animated films of our time, and you can finally get them all in one set in North America with The Collected Works of Hayao Miyazaki on Blu-ray. It includes 11 films—such as Princess Mononoke and The Wind Rises—along with bonus features and beautiful book-like packaging. $215, amazon.com Committed to the luxurious craft of leather, Spanish manufacturer and retailer Sol & Luna is best known for its leather-covered pieces and furniture. Equal parts functional and stylish, this Tall Leather Thermos is perfect for your next hike or weekend adventure. $130, jennikayne.com
5604 Hwy 153, Hixson (423) 877-6303
gasappliancesunlimited.com
GIVE THE GIFT OF GOOD TASTE! BUY $25 IN GIFT CARDS.
RECEIVE TWO $5 BONUS CERTIFICATES. (Offer available through December 31st)
Keep warm and look great this winter with a stylish Wool Pea Coat combination. With a simple and stylish silhouette and a plaid scarf to keep the look fresh and appealing, this classic double-breasted front and button placket will get you noticed. $90, londonfog.com
(Valid from 12/1/15 to 12/31/15)
(Valid from 1/1/16 to 3/31/16)
CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • HOLIDAY SHOPPING GUIDE • DECEMBER 10, 2015 • THE PULSE • 23
2015
Holiday
Shopping
Loaded with tea, sugar, and spices, these Dissolvable Tea Drops let tea drinkers skip the hassle of infusers, strainers, and tea bags. They're very portable and come in five flavors, including sweet peppermint, citrus ginger, and matcha green tea. $12, myteadrop.com
Guide
The Best Gift Ever! Tandem Skydive Gift Certificate Buy Now, Get Jump Video FREE! ChattanoogaSkydivingCompany.com
(855) 776-5867 Paying you the most...
over 40 years & counting!
No, this is not a Donald Tump hairpiece. it's a Hairy Thing Footstool. Yes, a hairy ottomanthing, the color of a guinea pig. Great for the living room as an extra seat or footstool. It comes filled with beans and is made from a super-soft long acrylic fur. Be the first to own the ultimate conversation piece. $160, thingindustries.com
DIAMONDS DIAMONDS DIAMONDS It eed
Now When You N
50% to 70% OFF er Direct
Total Store - Deal
$100 to &10,000
RILCD AKNDDDIAAMVONIDSS GO
RickDavisGo
ldandDianmo
nds.net
62 423-40919B-ra9in1 erd Rd
$$ $$ $$
$ $ 53
After years of research and development, the Dyson Humidifer has been unveiled, promising to kill 99.9% of all bacteria in the water by exposing every drop to a UVC light. It projects clean, hydrated air around the room evenly and quietely. $500, dyson.com
24 • THE PULSE • DECEMBER 10, 2015 • HOLIDAY SHOPPING GUIDE • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM
New from Michael Anastassiades, the Floating Forest series is evocative of the designers signature minimalist design. The handmade brass planter sits delicately on the rim of a glass while suspending the seed above the surface, facilitating growth. The designer was inspired by an acorn vase by Estrid Ericson, who fell in love with the simple poetry of an object of that nature. $85, thefutureperfect.com
Missed any of the previous Holiday Gift Guides? Find all of our gift selections by visiting our website at ChattanoogaPulse.com in the Fun section. And be sure to pick up next week's issue for even more fun stuff.
FOOD & DRINK MIXOLOGY
Schnapp To It, Santa Claus Find the right liqueur for each social gathering’s drink “American schnapps are sweeter, usually sweetened with additives, and typically used in mixed drinks—perfect for the holidays!” Red Rudolph Cocktail courtesy mixthatdrink.com
I like Sandra Lee. The tall, blond host from “Semi-homemade with Sandra Lee” on Food Network whose tagline is “Always keep it semi-homemade” may be on to something. If you’ve ever watched her show, it quickly becomes apparent that one of the benefits you can reap with her timesaving tips is time to make a cocktail. I have always been inspired by this philosophy of Eat. Decorate. Drink… and finding the right liqueur for each festive occasion can be easy…if you’ve taken the time to do your research first. I researched the origins of schnapps to discover that the original term trans-
lated from German to “a mouthful” refers to a potato- or grain-based liquor that is fruity and usually drunk neat throughout Europe. These are the not the schnapps Santa passes out at the Christmas party in the States. American schnapps are sweeter, usually sweetened with additives, and typically used in mixed drinks—perfect for the holidays! And for the curious, there are any number of recipes online if you want to do further research. For my part, I’ve combed through some food/drink websites and trolled Facebook to find four of the most festive schnapps-based beverages to serve on
four different holiday occasions. So snap to it, Santa! Bring on the holiday schnapps! For that holiday party with work colleagues, I suggest a drink that can be made either individually or by the pitcher: the Candy Cane Cocktail, featuring peppermint schnapps. To an icefilled shaker, add 1 shot vanilla rum, 1 shot white chocolate liqueur (Sandra recommends Godiva), and 1 shot peppermint schnapps. Shake. Pour and add a candy cane garnish and you’ve got a drink that your guests will come back for. (Courtesy of foodnetwork.com) When your holiday party is at home, hang the mistletoe in the kitchen like the perfect host or hostess you are and
try a Maple Butter Kiss, featuring butterscotch schnapps. To an ice-filled shaker, add 1/1/2 oz. vodka, 1/2 oz. DeKuyper Buttershots liqueur or butterscotch schnapps, 1/4 oz. real maple syrup, and 1 oz. half-and-half. Pour and sprinkle with fresh-ground nutmeg. This creamy sweet concoction will be the perfect dessert cocktail if your guests are a bunch of sweet tooths. (Courtesy of foodnetwork.com) After you’ve put the kids to bed and you’re up late wrapping the last of their gifts, sit down to enjoy The Christmas Cookie, featuring peppermint schnapps. To an ice-filled shaker, add 1 oz. peppermint schnapps, 1 oz. Kahlua, and 1 oz. Carolan’s Irish Cream. Strain into a glass and eat with a chocolate sandwich cookie or any of Santa’s cookies before he gets there! (Courtesy of mixthatdrink.com) For Christmas morning brunch, warm tummies with a Red Rudolph, featuring cinnamon schnapps. To an iced-filled shaker, add 1/2 oz. orange curacao, 3/4 oz. cinnamon schnapps, 1/2 oz. vodka, and 6 oz. heated cranberry juice. Top it with whipped cream and garnish with sugar sprinkles on top. This warm, citrusy drink will be the perfect accompaniment to your nerves as the kids unwrap their presents. (Courtesy of mixthatdrink.com) So enjoy the schnapps. Armed with these four foolproof concoctions, you’re sure to stay on Santa’s nice list — Stephanie Smith this year.
DAILY WINE TASTINGS 20 BEERS ON TAP COMPETITIVE PRICES UNRIVALED SERVICE PROVISIONS & GIFTS 1616 BROAD STREET | CHATTANOOGA |37408 423.777.4820 MON - THURS 10a - 10p FRI - SAT 10a - 10p CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • DECEMBER 10, 2015 • THE PULSE • 25
SCREEN SCENE
Merry Christmas And Buh-Bye “Krampus” is the best holiday horror film in years..and yes, we mean that
Mozart's “Magic Flute” At The Met "The Met: Live In HD" celebrates ten award-winning years In celebration of the tenth anniversary of the Metropolitan Opera’s Peabody and Emmy Award-winning series “The Met: Live in HD,” a special encore performance of their first-ever live broadcast, Mozart’s The Magic Flute, will be presented on Saturday at East Ridge 18. The groundbreaking broadcast that launched the Met’s series into movie theaters in 2006, The Magic Flute enchanted opera lovers from around the world with the whimsical humor and breathtaking puppetry of Julie Taymor’s hit production, pre-
✴✴✴✴
sented in a shortened English-language version. Under the baton of Maestro James Levine, a winning ensemble cast—including Nathan Gunn, Ying Huang, Matthew Polenzani, Erika Miklosa, and René Pape—brings fresh life to Mozart’s timeless fairy tale. The Metropolitan Opera: The Magic Flute Encore Saturday, 12:55 p.m. Carmike East Ridge 18 5080 S. Terrace (423) 855-9652
NEW IN THEATERS
In the Heart of the Sea Based on the 1820 event that inspired "Moby Dick," a whaling ship is preyed upon by a sperm whale, stranding its crew at sea for 90 days, thousands of miles from home. Director: Ron Howard Stars: Chris Hemsworth, Cillian Murphy, Brendan Gleeson, Ben Whishaw
✴✴✴✴
Legend The story of the identical twin gangsters Reggie and Ronnie Kray, two of the most notorious criminals in British history, and their organized crime empire in the East End of London during the 1960s. Director: Brian Helgeland Stars: Tom Hardy, Emily Browning, Taron Egerton, Colin Morgan
26 • THE PULSE • DECEMBER 10, 2015 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM
A
POPULAR TOPIC OF CONVERSATION AMONG PEOPLE who don’t have children is just “how terrible the children are today.” Years ago, apparently, children were angels who did what their parents said all the time and consequently knew exactly how to behave around adults who have no interest in them. Having spent quite a bit of time working with children, the idea that they are in any way fundamentally different from their predecessors is untrue.
Screen JOHN DEVORE
“
The film tells an age-old story: boy loves Christmas, boy hates relatives, boy gets angry and says he hates Christmas, boy gets family murdered by monstrous Christmas toys.”
Children are, in broad terms, selfserving, narcissistic, argumentative and emotional. In other words, they act just like adults, but on a smaller scale. Poorly functioning grownups produce poorly functioning kids, which perpetuates the cycle of a poorly functioning society. If this seems pessimistic, the new holiday film “Krampus” is probably not for you. “Krampus” offers a unique solution to the inane greed and dismay the holidays bring every year: punishment by a giant, horned, goat-footed abomination of Santa Claus. It’s the type of film that chills the heart and laughs bitterly in the face of a two-month-long holiday season of giving that is increasingly devoid of any goodness or redemption. In short, “Krampus” is a great way to fill an afternoon. Most German-speaking cultures have a unique way of instilling discipline into their children. While Americans tend to go overboard on positive reinforcement, there is nothing quite as effective as scaring young people into compliance through tales of supernatural violence. Most Germanic folklore is downright frightening, filled with blood, gore and death—most of which happens to children. Kids are easily led, as innocence often begets ignorance, so telling children tales about monsters to keep them in line is more effective than not. “Krampus” is one such tale, one that never quite made it into the mainstream
Fresh Pot’s Lentil Special
American culture. Our tendency to take the best parts of any given situation while downplaying any potentially negative consequences has to be rooted somewhere in our founding documents. “The pursuit of happiness” lends itself to ignoring the reality of sadness. And thus, being bad during Christmastime results in a lump of coal, rather than being whisked away to the underworld in a sackful of weeping children by an ancient spirit. It is the advent of the internet, in all its glory, that led to the discovery of the Krampus by American culture. Over the past few years, more and more references to this mystical beast have popped up in social media. Krampus-like creatures have begun appearing in various forms of popular culture, including basic cable television shows like “The League.” We have been missing a good holiday horror film from Hollywood. Besides 1984’s “Gremlins,” in which Christmas was largely incidental, holiday horror pictures like “Silent Night, Deadly Night” and “Jack Frost” have been relegated to bargain bins and the backrooms of video stores (back when there were video stores). “Krampus” is a better film than both of these genre classics by a wide margin, although the PG13 rating makes it much less gory than it might have been. The film tells an age-old story: boy loves Christmas, boy hates relatives, boy
gets angry and says he hates Christmas, boy gets family murdered by monstrous Christmas toys. You know, that old chestnut. The film is delightfully funny and as lighthearted as it can be while bloodlessly killing off the main characters. Director Michael Dougherty has very few features under his belt, but “Krampus” is effective and charming in the way a Christmas horror film ought to be. It boasts an impressive number of practical effects, rather than relying on CGI, which gives the film a stronger, creepier atmosphere than the typical Hollywood horror. However, the film frequently lacks the bite that it should. The studio appears to have been insistent on its having a wide appeal. That being said, it has the potential to be a classic among a certain class of moviegoer. While watching the film, I was reminded of “Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale,” a Finnish film about an evil Santa Claus. “Krampus” is not as well executed, as Hollywood films have to make certain sacrifices to be marketable in the U.S., but it shares a similar tone. There’s nothing like a good horror film with an underlying bit of humor. Americans need a little darkness in their celebrations—without that, our children don’t know just how good they have it.
Fresh Pot’s Fried Pork Dinner
Fresh Pot Cafe is a family owned and operated business. Our mission is to serve our customers a tasty meal prepared with the freshest ingredients. We are an Ecuadorian and American restaurant with all of our menu items homemade. Come see us for a taste of Ecuador.
5425 HWY 153, Suite B4 • Hixson, Tennessee (423) 805-3773 • facebook.com/freshpotcafe
Innovative, comprehensive, community-based cancer care MORE THAN 80 PHYSICIANS IN 30 LOCATIONS
1.877.TENNONC | tnoncology.com CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • DECEMBER 10, 2015 • THE PULSE • 27
Free Will Astrology
HOMEG ROWN ING REDIENTS OUT- OF-THIS -WORLD PIZZ A
DOWNTOWN 4th & Broad Street (423) 266-LUPI EAST BRAINERD 1414 Jenkins Road (423) 855-4104 CLEVELAND 2382 N. Ocoee St. (423) 476-9464
HIXSON 5504 Hixson Pike (423) 847-3700 OOLTEWAH Cambridge Square (423) 602-7499
LU P I .CO M
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): My old friend Jeff started working at a gambling casino in Atlantic City. “You’ve gone over to the dark side!” I kidded. He acknowledged that 90 percent of the casino’s visitors lose money gambling. On the bright side, he said, 95 percent of them leave happy. I don’t encourage you to do this kind of gambling in the near future, Sagittarius. It’s true that you will be riding a lucky streak. But smarter, surer risks will be a better way to channel your good fortune. So here’s the bottom line: In whatever way you choose to bet or speculate, don’t let your lively spirits trick you into relying on pure impulsiveness. Do the research. Perform your due diligence. It’s not enough just to be entertained. The goal is to both have fun and be successful.
mistake you made, or a flash of ignorance expressed by another person, or a maddening glitch in the flow of the life force, stop what you’re doing, interrupt the irritation, and proclaim, “I am awash in power and freedom and love.”
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Ancient Greek philosopher Epicurus was a pioneer thinker whose ideas helped pave the way for the development of science. Believe nothing, he taught, unless you can evaluate it through your personal observation and logical analysis. Using this admirable approach, he determined that the size of our sun is about two feet in diameter. I’m guessing that you have made comparable misestimations about at least two facts of life, Capricorn. They seem quite reasonable but are very wrong. The good news is that you will soon be relieved of those mistakes. After some initial disruption, you will feel liberated.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): What state of mind do you desire the most? What is the quality of being that you aspire to inhabit more and more as you grow older? Maybe it’s the feeling of being deeply appreciated, or the ability to see things as they really are, or an intuitive wisdom about how to cultivate vibrant relationships. I invite you to set an intention to cultivate this singular experience with all your passion and ingenuity. The time is right. Make a pact with yourself.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Aquarian inventor Thomas Edison owned 1,093 patents. Nicknamed “The Wizard of Menlo Park,” he devised the first practical electrical light bulb, the movie camera, the alkaline storage battery, and many more useful things. The creation he loved best was the phonograph. It was the first machine in history that could record and reproduce sound. Edison bragged that no one else had ever made such a wonderful instrument. It was “absolutely original.” I bring this to your attention, Aquarius, because I think you’re due for an outbreak of absolute originality. What are the most unique gifts you have to offer? In addition to those you already know about, new ones may be ready to emerge.
Cherita & Michael Adams
Blue Orleans Seafood Restaurant
Great Chambers help make great cities and the Chattanooga Chamber is committed to making our city a great place to do business.
Join us today at...
C h a t t a n o o g a C h a m b e r. c o m
28 • THE PULSE • DECEMBER 10, 2015 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM
ROB BREZSNY
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Here’s an experiment that makes good astrological sense for you to try in the coming weeks. Whenever you feel a tinge of frustration, immediately say, “I am an irrepressible source of power and freedom and love.” Anytime you notice a trace of inadequacy rising up in you, or a touch of blame, or a taste of anger, declare, “I am an irresistible magnet for power and freedom and love.” If you’re bothered by a
ARIES (March 21-April 19): “Happiness sneaks through a door you didn’t know that you left open,” said actor John Barrymore. I hope you’ve left open a lot of those doors, Aries. The more there are, the happier you will be. This is the week of all weeks when joy, pleasure, and even zany bliss are likely to find their ways into your life from unexpected sources and unanticipated directions. If you’re lucky, you also have a few forgotten cracks and neglected gaps where fierce delights and crisp wonders can come wandering in.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Like Metallica jamming with Nicki Minaj and Death Cab for Cutie on a passage from Mozart’s opera The Magic Flute, you are redefining the meanings of the words “hybrid,” “amalgam,” and “hodgepodge.” You’re mixing metaphors with panache. You’re building bridges with cheeky verve. Some of your blends are messy mishmashes, but more often they are synergistic successes. With the power granted to me by the gods of mixing and matching, I hereby authorize you to keep splurging on the urge to merge. This is your special time to experiment with the magic of combining things that have rarely or never been combined. CANCER (June 21-July 22): I hope you can figure out the difference between the fake cure and the real cure. And once you know which is which, I hope you will do the right thing rather than the sentimental thing. For best results, keep these considerations in mind: The fake cure may taste sweeter than the real one. It may also be better packaged and more alluringly promoted. In fact, the only advantage the real cure may have over the fake one is that it will actually work to heal you. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): There’s a sinuous, serpentine quality about you these days. It’s as if you are the elegant and crafty hero of an epic
myth set in the ancient future. You are sweeter and saucier than usual, edgier and more extravagantly emotive. You are somehow both a repository of tantalizing secrets and a fount of arousing revelations. As I meditate on the magic you embody, I am reminded of a passage from Laini Taylor’s fantasy novel Daughter of Smoke & Bone: “She tastes like nectar and salt. Nectar and salt and apples. Pollen and stars and hinges. She tastes like fairy tales. Swan maiden at midnight. Cream on the tip of a fox’s tongue. She tastes like hope.” VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): I bought an old horoscope book at a garage sale for 25 cents. The cover was missing and some pages were water-damaged, so parts of it were hard to decipher. But the following passage jumped out at me: “In romantic matters, Virgos initially tend to be cool, even standoffish. Their perfectionism may interfere with their ability to follow through on promising beginnings. But if they ever allow themselves to relax and go further, they will eventually ignite. And then, watch out! Their passion will generate intense heat and light.” I suspect that this description may apply to you in the coming weeks. Let’s hope you will trust your intuition about which possibilities warrant your caution and which deserve your opening. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): “The secret of being a bore is to tell everything,” said French writer Voltaire. I agree, and add these thoughts: To tell everything also tempts you to wrongly imagine that you have everything completely figured out. Furthermore, it may compromise your leverage in dicey situations where other people are using information as a weapon. So the moral of the current story is this: Don’t tell everything! I realize this could be hard, since you are a good talker these days; your ability to express yourself is at a peak. So what should you do? Whenever you speak, aim for quality over quantity. And always weave in a bit of mystery. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Ducks are the most unflappable creatures I know. Cats are often regarded as the top practitioners of the “I don’t give a f---” attitude, but I think ducks outshine them. When domestic felines exhibit their classic aloofness, there’s sometimes a subtext of annoyance or contempt. But ducks are consistently as imperturbable as Zen masters. Right now, as I gaze out my office window, I’m watching five of them swim calmly, with easygoing nonchalance, against the swift current of the creek in the torrential rain. I invite you to be like ducks in the coming days. Now is an excellent time to practice the high art of truly not giving a f---.
Jonesin’ Crossword
Sweetens Sweetens Cove Cove
MATT JONES
GOLF SOUTH CLUB•CLUB• SOUTH PITTSBURG PITTSBURG GOLF GOLF CLUB• CLUB• SOUTH SOUTH PITTSBURG
is one most audacious designs “Sweetens “SweetensCove Cove is one of of thethe the most most audacious audacious designs designs [King-Collins] ofofthe most diverse we’ve we’veseen. seen.[King-Collins] builtbuilt built oneone one of the the most most diverse diverse of green complexes found anywhere. & &entertaining entertaining setset of green complexes complexes found found anywhere. anywhere. Thiskind kindof offun,fun, inventive, quick isismore commonThis inventive, quick quick golfgolf golf is more more commoncommonwhichis why is why game place placein inthetheUK,UK,which why thethe the game game is soisis so much so much much than in America. IfIf you leave [Sweetens healthier healthierthere there than in America. America. If you you leave leave [Sweetens [Sweetens don’t panic: isis supposed totofun.” be Cove] Cove]smiling, smiling, don’t panic: golfgolf golf is supposed supposed to be befun.” fun.”
PITTSBURG
“ w & T p h C
——Ran Morrissett, — Ran Ran Morrissett, Morrissett, Confidential Guide To Courses, TheTheConfidential Guide Guide To Golf To Golf Golf Courses, Courses, Vol.Vol. Vol. 2 22
LOCATEDONLY ONLY MINUTES CONVENIENTLY CONVENIENTLYLOCATED ONLY 2525 25 MINUTES MINUTES FROM DOWNTOWN CHATTANOOGA FROM DOWNTOWN CHATTANOOGA CHATTANOOGA
SWEETENS COVE COVETOUR TOUR2016 2016 SWEETENS
CONV FROM
youropportunity opportunitytotojoin jointhe theTour Tourininin2016! 2016!Sweetens Cove Golf Club, which received the highest Sweetens Cove Golf Club, which received the highest average Here Hereisisyour your opportunity Tour 2016! Sweetens Cove Golf Club, which received the highest average average ALLgolf golfcourses coursesininTennessee, Tennessee,Alabama, Alabama,Mississippi, Mississippi,&&Louisiana in the recently-released Confidential Louisiana in the recently-released Confidential ratingofofALL ALL golf courses Tennessee, rating Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana in the recently-released Confidential GolfCourses, Courses,v.v.v.2 and is affectionately known by many as ‘TPC South Pittsburg’, is pleased to announce 2 and is affectionately known by many as ‘TPC South Pittsburg’, is pleased to announce GuidetotoGolf Golf Courses, 2 and is affectionately known by many as ‘TPC South Pittsburg’, is pleased to announce Guide the Sweetens Cove Tour for 2016. the Sweetens Cove Tour for 2016. the Sweetens Cove Tour for 2016.
SWEETENS COVE
“Two-Way Streets”—hey, look where you’re going! ACROSS 1 Widescreen medium 5 DJ Kool ___ (hiphop pioneer born Clive Campbell) 9 College football coach Amos Alonzo ___ 14 Blarney Stone land 15 Like much family history 16 Spanish citrus fruit 17 “Author unknown” byline 18 City south of Tel Aviv 19 Adult insect stage 20 Tribal carving depicting the audience for a kids’ show street? 23 Part of TMZ 24 More than just clean 25 Storm warnings 28 Macy Gray hit from the album “On How Life Is” 29 “Cold Mountain” star Zellweger 30 Amos with the album “Little Earthquakes”
31 Beach bucket 35 “Look out, bad generic street, my show’s on the air!” 38 Lindsay Lohan’s mom 39 Hose problem 40 Chair designer Charles 41 Incandescent light bulb depiction (because I have yet to see a CFL bulb depict one) 42 Philadelphia hockey team 43 Follow-up to “That guy’s escaping!” 47 “Buena Vista Social Club” setting 48 Financial street represents a smellrelated statute? 53 Came to a close 54 Nick Foles’s NFL team 55 “Hawaii Five-O” setting 56 Bothered constantly 57 Bendable joint 58 “JAG” spinoff with Mark Harmon 59 Mozart’s “___ Alla Turca”
60 Lawn sign 61 Acquires DOWN 1 ___ index 2 “The Flintstones” pet 3 Harness race pace 4 Home to the world’s tallest waterfall 5 Hulk and family 6 Take out 7 Completely destroy 8 School excursion with a bus ride, perhaps 9 Oscar the Grouch’s worm friend 10 Kitchen noisemaker 11 Big name in violins 12 “Diary of a Madman” writer Nikolai 13 $1,000 bill, slangily 21 Device needed for Wi-Fi 22 Heart chambers 25 Street ___ 26 Jeans manufacturer Strauss
27 “Come ___!” 28 Ancient Greek region 30 Signs of a quick peel-out 31 Just go with it 32 “Paris, Je T’___” (2006 film) 33 “Skinny Love” band Bon ___ 34 Word in an express checkout lane which annoys grammarians 36 ___ Ababa, Ethiopia 37 Nellie of toast fame 41 “There was no choice” 42 Sweated the details 43 Go blue 44 “So much,” on a musical score 45 “Here we are as in ___ days ...” 46 Respond to a charge 47 Caravan member 49 It means “one-billionth” 50 Lingerie trim 51 Take ___ (lose money) 52 Chicken
Copyright © 2015 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+ to call. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle No. 0757
HALFTHE THECOST COSTOF OFAAREGULAR REGULARANNUAL ANNUALMEMBERSHIP, MEMBERSHIP,TOUR MEMBERSWILL WILL RECEIVE: FOR FORHALF THE COST REGULAR ANNUAL MEMBERSHIP, TOURMEMBERS WILL RECEIVE: RECEIVE: Here isHALF your opportunity to join the Tour in 2016! Sweetens Cove ▪ Full Club Membership with unlimited play for 2016.* ▪ Automatic entry into the SWEETENS COVE TEAM ▪ Full Club Membership with unlimited play for 2016.* Full Club Membership with unlimited play for 2016.* ▪ ▪ Automatic entry into the SWEETENS Automatic entry into the SWEETENS COVE COVE TEAM TEAM rating of ALL golf courses in Tennessee, Alabama, Mississippi, & PLAY event. FOUR-BALL FOUR-BALLMATCH MATCHPLAY event. Preferential Tee Times. ▪ ▪ Preferential Tee Times. Preferential Tee Times. Guide to Golf Courses, v. 2 and is affectionately known by many as 2016 SWEETENS COVE ▪ ▪ ▪ Automatic entry into THE Automatic entry into THE 2016 SWEETENS SWEETENS COVE COVE Five Guest Rounds at no charge. ▪ ▪ Five Guest Rounds at no charge. Five Guest Rounds at no charge. TOUR CHAMPIONSHIP. TOUR CHAMPIONSHIP. the Sweetens Cove Tour for 2016. 10% discount on all pro shop merchandise. ▪ ▪ 10% discount on all pro shop merchandise. 10% discount on all pro shop merchandise.
Access to weekly, monthly, and year-end cash prizes. Access to weekly, monthly, and year-end cash prizes. 25% discount on all beverages (alcoholic/non-alcoholic). ▪ ▪ ▪ Access to weekly, monthly, and year-end cash prizes. ▪ ▪ 25% discount on all beverages (alcoholic/non-alcoholic). 25% discount on all beverages (alcoholic/non-alcoholic). FOR HALF THE COST OF A REGULAR ANNUAL MEMBER Access to the Tour kick-off party and Calcutta event. ▪ ▪ ▪ Access to the Tour kick-off party and Calcutta event. Access to the Tour kick-off party and Calcutta event. ADDITIONTOTO TOTHE THEBASIC BASICANNUAL ANNUALMEMBERSHIP MEMBERSHIP ININADDITION ADDITION THE BASIC MEMBERSHIP ▪ Full Club Membership with unlimited play for 2016.* Access to a year-end Tour wrap party. ▪ Automa ▪ ▪ ▪ Access to a year-end Tour wrap party. Access to a year-end Tour wrap party. TOURPLAYERS PLAYERSWILL WILLRECEIVE: RECEIVE: BENEFITS, BENEFITS, TOUR TOUR PLAYERS WILL finishers on Tour at year-end will win access to ▪ ▪ ▪ Top Top5 5finishers on Tour at year-end will win access to finishers on Tour at year-end will win access to FOUR-B Access to a private Tour website, which will include real time ▪ Preferential Tee Times. ▪ ▪ Access to a private Tour website, which will include real time Access to a private Tour website, which will include real time an exclusive course ranked among the top 10 Classic an exclusive course ranked among the top an exclusive course ranked among the top 10 10 Classic Classic updated standings and message board — use it to remind updated standings and message board — use it to remind updated standings and message board — use it to remind ▪ Automa ▪ Five Guest Rounds at no charge.Golf UnitedStates and cash prizes States and cash prizes GolfCourses Coursesin inthetheUnited States and cash prizes your friends of how superior your golf game is to theirs! your friends of how superior your golf game is to theirs! your friends of how superior your golf game is to theirs! Two-Year Exemption, ▪ ▪ ▪ The TheTour TourChampion will win a Champion will win a Two-Year Two-Year TourTour Tour Exemption, Exemption, TOUR C ▪ 10% discount on all pro shop merchandise. Handicapped standings,updated updatedininreal realtime. time. ▪ ▪ Handicapped Handicapped standings, standings, time. access 2016 &&2017. which includes FREE which includes FREEaccess to to thethe the TourTour Tour forfor for 2016 2016 & 2017. 2017. ▪ Access Every round you play in 2016 will be recorded ▪ ▪ Every round you play in 2016 will be recorded Every round you play in 2016 will be recorded ▪ 25% discount on all beverages (alcoholic/non-alcoholic). ▪ membership packages and cash ▪ ▪ Additional one-month Additional one-month membership membership packages and cash packages and cash and reflected in the Tour Standings. and reflected in the Tour Standings. and reflected in the Tour Standings. ▪ Access finishers at year-end. prizes will be awarded to the Top prizes will be awarded to the Top 10 finishers at year-end. finishers at year-end. IN ADDITION TO THE BASIC ANNUAL MEMBERSHIP1010 Access to weekly TOUR-ONLY games and competitions. ▪ ▪ Access to weekly TOUR-ONLY games and competitions. Access to weekly TOUR-ONLY games and competitions. ▪ Access BENEFITS, TOUR PLAYERS WILL RECEIVE: Access to monthly TOUR-ONLY tournaments** — all monthly ▪ ▪ Access to monthly TOUR-ONLY tournaments** — all monthly Access to monthly TOUR-ONLY tournaments** — all monthly tournaments will have a separate Calcutta and cash prizes tournaments will have a separate Calcutta and cash prizes tournaments will have a separate Calcutta and cash prizes ▪ Access to a private Tour website, which will include real time ▪ Top 5 fi specifically tailored to each event. specifically tailored to each event. specifically tailored to each event. an excl
1500 1500
PRICE $$ PRICE
updated standings and message board — use it to remind PAYMENT DECEMBER 2015 PAYMENT DUEDUE BYBY BY DECEMBER DECEMBER 31,31, 31, 2015 2015 Golf Co *Join NOW and receive unlimited access to the course at NO CHARGE for the remainder of 2015. *Join NOW and receive unlimited access to the course at NO CHARGE for the remainder of 2015. *Join NOW and receive unlimited access to the course at NO CHARGE for the remainder of 2015. your friends of how superior your golf game is to theirs! **Tournament participation is not mandatory. **Tournament participation is not mandatory. **Tournament participation is not mandatory. ▪ The Tou ▪ Handicapped standings, updated in real time. MORE INFORMATION, INFORMATION,CONTACT: CONTACT:SWEETENSCOVEGM@GMAIL.COM SWEETENSCOVEGM@GMAIL.COM which i FOR FOR MORE MORE INFORMATION, CONTACT: SWEETENSCOVEGM@GMAIL.COM ▪ Every round you play in 2016 will be recorded WWW.SWEETENSCOVEGOLFCLUB.COM• •423-280-9692 423-280-9692 WWW.SWEETENSCOVEGOLFCLUB.COM WWW.SWEETENSCOVEGOLFCLUB.COM 423-280-9692 ▪ Additio and reflected in the Tour Standings. 2040 SWEETENS SWEETENS COVE COVEROAD ROAD••SOUTH 2040 2040 COVE ROAD SOUTHPITTSBURG PITTSBURG• •TNTN TN prizes w ▪ Access to weekly TOUR-ONLY games and competitions. CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • DECEMBER 10, 2015 • THE PULSE • 29 ▪ Access to monthly TOUR-ONLY tournaments** — all monthly tournaments will have a separate Calcutta and cash prizes
COLUMN ON THE BEAT
Weapons of Mass Distraction Officer Alex has a meltdown about the media…again So the day of the shootings in San Bernardino, I watched the press clamor all over themselves prognosticatALEX TEACH ing that this was “clearly the work of a white male Christian fundamentalist.” Fox News, MSNBC, CNN…It was consistent and for once, it was fascinating to watch the actual facts unfold because the current media environment was a minefield of instability and their chosen “experts” of the hour were all over the map, yet still speaking with great conviction. And, like the “Beltway Sniper” theories from the heady days of October 2002, they were all wrong. Why? You could lay this at the feet of it being “an insane white guy theory” and still be able to survive if you were wrong and accordingly that’s where folk went. Being so very wrong is simply an inconvenience after the fact with such a theory, and that’s what happened, of course. So now we have moved on to the “the spoon is what made us fat” stage of things to further avoid the in-
convenient reality of who the killers really were, and the race to continue avoiding this is at full steam as I write this, and yes, I’m OK with that too. Who needs Islamophobia when you can talk “gun control” instead, as it’s being designated? Fair enough. So the killers were Muslims with automatic weapons and pipe bombs and like the shock of Muhammad and Malvo, one was a female, defying both theories and stereotypes. The actual suspects in this case come from a rich background of the televised cutting off of folks’ heads, setting people on fire, rape and/or stoning but we don’t want to offend those who have similar (albeit clearly less violent) cultural ties and we’re now left with the righteous indignation of the tools they used to commit the majority of these 14 murders (hence, blaming “the spoon” for making us fat). In a televised speech regarding another shooting in Colorado Springs that left three dead, President Obama himself stated “enough is enough.” Repeated outbreaks of gun violence like this one (Colorado Springs) are “not normal” and we need to have a conversation about semi-automatic
Chattanooga’s Greatest Hits brewer media everywhere. every day.
30 • THE PULSE • DECEMBER 10, 2015 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM
“It was fascinating to watch the actual facts unfold because the current media environment was a minefield of instability and their chosen ‘experts’ of the hour were all over the map.” weapons, he said. These weapons (aka “spoons”) were the problem. Now as it happens eight people were killed and 20 were wounded over the Thanksgiving holiday in Chicago and this prompted no such response. The three killed in Colorado, however? Now that was “not normal.” Legislation is what was needed and details were given for reassurance. As it happens, the details given as to what would have legislatively prevented this tragedy were actually al-
ready in effect. The guns used in the San Bernardino shootings were legally purchased. The key suspect passed his background check, and these were done in a state where the president’s “new” proposals were already enacted, and none of these addressed what the FBI described as the “IED factory” in the suspects’ garage. Legislation. Reassurance. “Control.” I understand why these are being pushed, but at some point simply repeating things and hyperbole is just not enough, and I think the American people at both ends of the political spectrum are starting to pick up on this. There are thousands of gun laws on the books nationally. That ship has pretty much sailed. We’re going to have to accept the fact that the problem isn’t a lack of legislation, or Republicans, or God help us, even the NRA. The government is going to have to go door to door to pick up the millions of assault weapons in this country, or it’s going to have to address the small number of people actually committing or likely to commit these crimes…even if it offends them. Everything else is just a distraction between tragedies. But what do I know? I’m not a legislator or a politician (aka: True Expert, apparently). When officer Alexander D. Teach is not patrolling our fair city on the heels of the criminal element, he spends his spare time volunteering for the Boehm Birth Defects Center
Follow us on Facebook (we’re quite likeable) facebook.com/chattanoogapulse
that easy. Many quality vehicles to choose from.
GET A FRESH START TODAY FROM THE DEALER WITH A HEART! MARSHALL MIZE FORD
Reeeeeeegardless!
Marshal Mize Ford where we finance your future, not your past. If you’ve experienced • bad credit • late payments • foreclosure • divorce • reposessions or bankruptcy, “WE CAN HELP!” It’s that easy. Many quality vehicles to choose from.
BUY HERE PAY HERE
Selected Pre-Owned Division
Call Mike Hicks For Your Credit Fix!
423-875-2023
5348 Highway 153 at Hixson Pike MarshalMizeFord.com CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • DECEMBER 10, 2015 • THE PULSE • 31