The Pulse - Vol. 6, Issue 35

News, Views, Arts & Entertainment • August 27 - September 2, 2009 • Volume 6, Issue 35 • www.chattanoogapulse.com • pulse news 95.3 WPLZ

CONTENTS T H E P U L S E • C H AT TA N O O G A , T E N N E S S E E • A U G U S T 2 7 , 2 0 0 9 • V O L U M E 6 , I S S U E 3 5

COVER STORY

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NEWS & VIEWS 6 BEYOND THE HEADLINES 10 SHRINK RAP 27 LIFE IN THE NOOG

32 ON THE BEAT 40 SHADES OF GREEN 45 ASK A MEXICAN

ARTS & FEATURES 24 ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT By Michael Crumb “New York Cool” has opened at the Hunter Museum, and we are much enamored by its presence. Selected by Pepe Karmel, this collection makes a fairly strong argument for a second eruption of avant-garde styles during the twentieth century.

29 FILM FEATURE By Phillip Johnston Director Quentin Tarantino’s eighth feature film Inglourious Basterds is an excitedly violent wartime opus that is, at its best, concerned with the wonder of cinema.

31 TABLE SERVICE By Molly Iles The style is teppanyaki, a Japanese cuisine that involves cooking food on an iron griddle. In America, the method is popular at many Japanese steakhouses.

34 MUSICAL FEATURE By Hellcat This summer has been pretty awesome as far as music goes. We’ve seen a lot of new local bands come together and find their niche or make their debut.

"Fresh & Fringe" cover art by Tara Harris

MEET THE FUTURE OF THE ARTS IN CHATTANOOGA Profiles by Stephanie Smith • Photography by Damien Power Each year, The Pulse takes a look at the state of the arts in Chattanooga. This year, we decided to look behind the scenes at artists who are helping to make our city one of the nation’s hot art spots.

Contributing writer Stephanie Smith spent some time with sculptor Isaac Duncan III, photographer Lesha Patterson, actor/director/writer Dylan Kussman, illustrator Tara Harris and glitch/hop duo Digital Butter. Staff photographer Damien Power catches them in the act.

Take a look and see why these are six who are “Fresh and Fringe.”

39 WINE CELLAR By Vickie Hurley For the next 13 weeks, Riley’s Wine and Spirits on Hixson Pike in Hixson will pick some of our favorite wines, ports, scotches, bourbons, vodkas, rums, whiskeys, gins, tequilas, and other spirits to share with Pulse readers.

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EDITOON LETTERS TO THE EDITOR PULSE BEATS CITY COUNCILSCOPE THE LIST POLICE BLOTTER

25 28 35 36 42 43

A&E CALENDAR NEW IN THEATERS MUSIC CALENDAR NEW MUSIC REVIEWS MYSTICAL DUDE'S HOROSCOPE JONESIN’ CROSSWORD

The entire contents of this publication are copyrighted and property of Brewer Media Group.

No part of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the express written consent of the publishers. The Pulse utilizes freelance writers and the views expressed within this publication are not necessarily the views of the publishers or editors. The Pulse takes no responsibility for unsolicited manuscripts, photographs, artwork or other materials.

The

Editoon

by Rick Baldwin

Publisher Zachary Cooper zcooper@chattanoogapulse.com Contributing Editor Janis Hashe jhashe@chattanoogapulse.com News Editor/Art Director Gary Poole gpoole@chattanoogapulse.com Advertising Sales Rick Leavell rleavell@chattanoogapulse.com Leif Sawyer leif@brewermediagroup.com Contributing Writers Gustavo Arellano Beverly A. Carroll Elizabeth Crenshaw Chuck Crowder Rebecca Cruz Michael Crumb Hellcat Molly Iles Phillip Johnston Matt Jones Louis Lee Kelly Lockhart Ernie Paik Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D. Stephanie Smith Alex Teach Michael Turner Julian Venable Colleen Wade

Letters to the Editor for the mentally handicapped or is it a real move towards environmental responsibility? I’m hoping that The Pulse will stay on the recycling story, as there is a lot more dirt to be dug up.

Theresa Williamson Chattanooga

Editorial Intern Molly Iles Editorial Cartoonist Rick Baldwin Art Department Sharon Chambers Kathryn Dunn Kelly Lockhart Damien Power Staff Photographer Damien Power Contact Info: Phone (423) 648-7857 Fax (423) 648-7860 E-mail info@chattanoogapulse.com Advertising advertising@chattanoogapulse.com Calendar Listings calendar@chattanoogapulse.com The Pulse is published weekly and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publishers may take more than one copy per weekly issue. The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors.

The Pulse is published by

1305 Carter Street Chattanooga, Tennessee 37402 phone (423) 648-7857 fax (423) 648-7860 Letters to the editor must include name, address and daytime phone number for verification. The Pulse reserves the right to edit letters for space and clarity. Please keep letters within 500 words in length.

The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on culture, the arts, entertainment and local news.

Member

Recycling Questions I read your cover story last week [“Reduce, Reuse—and Refuse to Answer?] and while I found the article interesting, it left me with a lot more questions than answers. Why won’t Mayor Littlefield and the Orange Grove administrators answer questions about the funding? How much of what Orange Grove takes in actually ends up being recycled, and how much ends up in the landfill? Why with all the publicity, have Chattanoogans simply not embraced recycling? Is the entire recycling program in Chattanooga simply a government jobs program

Eco-Terrorism Great stuff, Teach [“The Green Meanies: Farces of Nature”, On The Beat]. You’re a genious with the pen.

Glad to see you got a startle from the eco-terrorists. Enough to push it to drinks with your attorney, oh, and a poorly written letter issuing threats of your own… Might want to find yourself a better attorney, or drinking buddy. Seems pretty lousy at both activities to me. Hope you didn’t pay him for the advice or for his drink.

Keep ’em coming! Everyone in this great city should have the privilege to read this wonderful writing!

Joe Jobe Chattanooga Fan Of Officer Teach I just want you to know that Alex Teach has a couple of fans. I can’t wait each week to see what he observes and write about in your paper. I have found myself laughing until I cry on some of his articles. I especially loved the one about the cyclist and despite

the negative comments that were received I could not contain my love for his view on things. I even went back and read it again to make sure I was not overlooking the things that people found so offensive and you know what? It was still funny. Does that make me insensitive? Oh, well. I am glad there is a paper that will let people express their thoughts in such a manner as his. Tell him to keep writing so he can get enough to publish a book because I definitely would buy it. His fans would love to hang out with him on the job because some of this is so funny it is hard to believe it can be true.

Tracey Martin Chattanooga Chattanooga Not That Dangerous I live in Chattanooga and I love it there. I will admit there is a bit of gang activity and a lot of violence, but that doesn’t mean it’s a bad place to live.

Kayla Hitchcock Chattanooga Corrections & Omissions In the Pulse Beats article on health care in the Aug. 20 edition, we inadvertently misquoted the U.S. Constitution by accidentally swapping the word “provide” and “promote” when referring to the general welfare. We apologize for the error.

Send all letters to the editor and questions to info@chattanoogapulse.com We reserve the right to edit letters for content and space. Please include your full name, city and contact information.

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Pulse Beats

Quote Of The Week: A rundown of the newsy, the notable, and the notorious...

“This has been muddied, very deliberately in my opinion, by opponents of annexation. They want the public to believe that annexation is an all-or-nothing proposition. It’s not.”

— Chattanooga City Council member Peter Murphy, responding to critics of the proposed annexation of ten areas by the City of Chattanooga.

Chattanooga Convention Center Commits To “Fresh & Local” There’s an ongoing push among local businesses to “go green”, ranging from the LEED-certified construction of the new downtown Bijou movie theater to the environmentally friendly construction and recycling habits of Greenlife on Manufacturers Road.

It’s always good news to hear of more focus on instituting sustainability into buying decisions as well.

The latest good news on the sustainability front comes from the Chattanooga Convention Center, which recently began a new program offering conventioneers fresh seasonal produce, breads, meat, cheese, locally roasted coffee and more from local and in-state purveyors.

“This is the first convention center that I’m aware of that has a program this extensive,” says Dexter King, executive director of the International Association of Assembly Managers, Inc. “Chattanooga is to be commended for this innovative and proactive approach to sustainability. Agriculture plays an ongoing, fundamental role in a community’s economic health and what the Chattanooga Convention Center is doing is a perfect example of sustainable growth.”

Considering the high volume of meals served through the center, this is a major step forward for local food providers. “We want to take it one step further and offer [our guests] fresh and local goods,” explains Keith Quatrano, executive chef at the Chattanooga Convention Center. “By incor-

Here is one of the more interesting agenda items set to be discussed at the September 1 meeting of the Chattanooga City Council.

5. Ordinances - Final Reading: a) An ordinance to amend Chattanooga City Code, Part II, Chapter 24, Sections 24-474, 24-476, 24-477, 24482, and add Section 24-483 relative to bicycles.

porating these local products, we are linking conventioneers directly to the community while also stimulating our own local economy.”

Working through a produce company as broker between the center and local farmers, Quatrano and his banquet staff determine, with convention planners, what will be available locally when the specific conference is held.

This communication allows farmers to plant and harvest specific crops to meet the needs of the center and the conventioneers. There is similar communication with local bakeries, which custom-bake goods based on demand.

Furthermore, the center has pledged to deal only with the farmers growing crops in accordance with the USDA, FDA and Good Agricultural Practices (GAP), a series of requirements that establish a baseline for water, soil, sanitation and general business-management practices.

“When you bite into a fresh tomato that was just picked within 24-72

hours, it’s a completely different taste than any tomato you buy in a store.

It’s bursting with a full, acidic flavor. A tomato you buy in the grocery store is distributed while still green, via truck from thousands of miles away,” notes Quatrano. “Then it sits in a warehouse until it’s delivered to the end customer.

This produce takes weeks to get here and doesn’t have any flavor. I can get local produce within three days and I don’t have to sacrifice taste.”

This is all part of the Chattanooga Convention Centers long-running commitment to sustainability. Among the ways they already strive to be energy efficient and environmentally friendly include waste reduction of non-consumed food by donating to the local food bank and recycling all paper, glass, plastic and corrugated materials.

It was the first convention center in the nation to incorporate energy efficient “day lighting” technology, and features individual temperature controls in each exhibit space.

What with all the recent brouhaha about bicycles in these very pages, it seems oddly appropriate that the City Council is also looking at amending and updating the existing cycling laws. This ordinance had come up once before in early August but was deferred for further debate and revision. This time, hopefully, everyone will have worked things out amongst themselves.

Sec. 24-474 would make it illegal to ride on a bike that did not have a permanent seat; Sec. 24-476 says that cyclists must ride as close as practical to the right side of the road; Sec. 24-477 limits the number of cyclists riding abreast to no more than two, and further makes it illegal to impede reasonable movement of traffic; Sec. 24-482 sets the conditions for brakes, which are required on all bicycles.

The new section, 24-483, is a confirmation of existing state law that requires all motor vehicle operators to keep a minimum of a three-foot distance between themselves and a cyclist when passing and shall maintain that clearance until safely past the overtaken bicycle.

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Beyond The Headlines

Realism Comes To High Fashion

By Michael Turner

The Lamest Comic Books Characters Of All Time 1) Aquaman. He swims, breathes underwater and talks to the fishes.

Wow. Aquaman is just boring.

And they're making a movie about him anway.

2) Longshot. His mutant power is good luck. Yep, that’s it. No eyebeams, no steel-hard skin, no telepathy, just plain dumb luck.

3) Howard the Duck. All kidding aside, we have never understood the point of this character.

4) Stilt Man. A bad guy on stilts.

He gets taken out by The Punisher, a guy with a gun.

5) Boom Boom. She makes these little exploding energy balls, and counts down the seconds until they explode. Stupid name, stupider power.

6) Dr. Druid. Who? Exactly. He was a member of the Avengers for a while back when nobody cared.

7) Cannonball. He’s invulnerable when he’s blastin’, but he doesn’t blast for very long, and when he stops he can get knocked out by a simple jump kick.

8) Elongated Man. There are a lot of comic book characters that stretch, but he is by far the most intolerable.

9) Captain Carrot and the Zoo Crew. When animal parodies of Marvel characters such as SpiderHam, DeerDevil, and Captain Americat became popular, DC tried to emulate that success... unsuccessfully.

10) Bat-Mite. Really, the name says it all. Please, DC, never use this character again.

Source: comicbookvenue.com

I

f you ever want to see a true disconnect between reality and fiction, thumb through any of the fashion magazines that crowd the supermarket check-out aisle. The average American woman is 5’4”, weighs 140 lbs, and wears a size 14 dress. Yet when you average out the models used in fashion magazines and advertising in general, the “ideal” woman is 5’7”, weighs 100 lbs, and wears a size 8. If you were to run the same averages for high-fashion runway models, it gets even further away from reality.

Which is why it was refreshing, to say the least, to see the response to a recent article in Glamour magazine in which editors used a photo of a “normal” woman. “The picture wasn’t of a celebrity,” said Editorin-Chief Cindi Leive. “It wasn’t of a supermodel. It was of a woman sitting in her underwear with a smile on her face and a belly that looks... wait for it...normal.”

The photo was selected to accompany a story on women feeling “comfortable in their skin” and the reader response was, according to Leive, overwhelmingly positive. Woman after woman wrote in and expressed admiration and support for the magazine finally featuring a woman who didn’t have a super-flat belly, had faint stretch marks, and was of normal size.

A number of local fashion and glamour photographers run into this type of situation on a regular basis.

While a size 14 woman is average, most professional photographers work with models no more than a size 8 because that is what the market demands.

“A plus-size model isn’t necessarily a plus-size woman,” explains photographer Bob Edens.

“This is often confusing for new models, and for everyone else for that matter. A plus-size model is a

fashion model who is slightly larger than straight-size fashion models, and she is used to sell clothing to plus-size women. General parameters for a plus-size model are height between 5’8” and 5’11”, and sizes 10 to 18.”

The sad fact of the fashion and advertising industry is that “skinny sells”. Yet the message being sent to American woman is not only unrealistic, but dangerously unhealthy. A recent survey by the editors of the FullAndFabulous web site found only 30 percent of 250 randomly chosen women age 21 to 35 had normal bone mass.

The researchers concluded women are so afraid eating dairy products will make them gain weight that they are starving themselves into osteoporosis.

Young girls are more afraid of becoming fat than they are of nuclear war, cancer, or losing their parents. Fifty percent of 9-year-old girls and 80 percent of 10-year-old girls have dieted. Ninety percent of high school junior and senior women diet regularly, even though only between 10-15 percent weigh more than the amount recommended by the standard height-weight charts. Even worse, girls develop eating and self-image problems before drug or alcohol problems; there are drug and alcohol programs in almost every school, but no eating-disorder programs.

“As far as young girls starving themselves and wanting implants at 15, that’s been going on since Twiggy,” concurs Edens. “Vogue, Cosmo, Vanity Fair, just to name a few, set the standards for high fashion and they don’t bother to tell their readers that every photo is edited to the point you might not recognize the model on the street. Dove has an entire web site dedicated to teaching young women how real beauty radiates from within; you can’t paint it on.”

While the fashion industry has long been targeted for its unrealistic marketing of skinny women, a number of companies have begun marketing to the “plus” market,

“90 percent of high school junior and senior women diet regularly, even though only between 10 percent and 15 percent are over the weight recommended by the standard height-weight charts.” which has had its own backlash.

Some feel that showcasing such women is more indicative of poor health and diet standards. The concern is that many overweight people become “settled” but not necessarily comfortable in their body.

Edens, who has worked with models of all sizes and ages, says that self-image is the key, regardless of the physical size of a woman.

“Sexy is a state of mind; you can’t look sexy if you don’t feel sexy” he explains. “That's the reason why I shoot glamour instead of fashion."

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A weekly roundup of the newsworthy, notable and often head-scratching stories gleaned from police reports from the Chattanooga Police Department, the Hamilton County Sheriff’s Office, the Bradley County Sheriff’s Department and the Dalton Police Department.

• Another traffic stop, another drug bust. One would think that with all the publicity given about increased police crackdown on traffic violations, drug dealers would be a bit more aware of the rules of the road. Yet once again, a routine traffic stop turned into a large drug bust after a Chattanooga officer pulled over a car on Glass Street near Hardy Elementary. When the driver rolled the window down, the officer reported there was a strong odor of marijuana coming from inside the car. After a search, officers found several small and large bags of pot in the front and back seats, a large bag in the trunk, and even a few packages in the fuse box. The driver faces a variety of drug- (and traffic-) related charges.

• Home break-ins are always a cross between maddening and scary. Sometimes, though, they are also rather confusing. When a Lightfoot Mill Road resident came home last week, she discovered her front door had been kicked in, so hard that a footprint was

clearly visible in the center of the door. When officers arrived and searched the house, they found the kitchen, master bedroom and guest bedroom had all been ransacked. Yet after the resident was able to search through the rooms herself, she couldn’t find anything missing. Police are currently investigating the break-in, but currently have no motive as to why the house would be ransacked but not robbed.

• Oftentimes the best police work is just keeping an eye on the neighborhood.

This is what Dalton police officer Chris Tucker was doing when he kept a close watch on an unoccupied East Morris Street residence that had already been burglarized several times. On a routine sweep by the house, he noted a pick-up truck backed up to the garage. Calling for backup, he and fellow officers were able to arrest two men coming out of the garage, and then found a third man hiding inside a screened porch. Found in the truck were metal gutters, a water heater and an old dishwasher. All three men were arrested and charged with burglary.

Chattanooga Street Scenes

• We understand the frustration many people feel about how poorly some people park. However, “keying” cars you feel are improperly parked is not the way to express your frustration. Doing so, as one 81-year-old man discovered after doing just that in the parking lot of popular family restaurant on Hixson Pike, will get you arrested. The man told police that he had keyed the vehicles because they were parked “all over the sidewalk”. However, witnesses said that all of the cars were in fact parked correctly, and the restaurant manager said that he had suspected the man of doing the same thing on previous occasions. The man has been charged with several counts of vandalism.

Photography by Kelly Lockhart

Enjoying the end of summer on the Tennessee River.

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Shrink Rap

Finding Family

By Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D www.DrRPH.com

O

“A family that includes all of its members learns, over time, to not merely tolerate differences, but to embrace them, and strengthens its bonds, becoming the healthier for it.”

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ne of the things I noticed about Chattanooga when I first arrived in this city several years ago was the emphasis on “family.” In all the brochures Chattanooga is touted as a “family-friendly” city with billboard slogans like “strengthen the family,” “put families first,” and so on.

There seems to be a lot of focus on marriage, too, with what appear to be hundreds of city-wide churchbased classes and programs to help keep marriages strong. Ironically, recent studies show that the national divorce rate is still hovering just over 50 percent, with the highest divorce rates occurring in Southern towns and cities. Even with all this local societal, religious, and familial support, the institution of marriage doesn’t seem to be doing any better here than anywhere else.

Back in June you read my article written with my good friend, Pastor Mark Dowell, called “Who Sits at Your Table?” about inclusivity vs. exclusivity.

In my two-plus decades of private practice with individuals, couples, groups, and families, I’ve never seen a family become stronger by excluding any of its members. The family is a microcosm of society in general, with its love, hate, warmth, anger, variety of attitudes, political perspectives, spiritual beliefs, etc. Some family members seem to need to help themselves feel betterthan by making some of the others feel less-than. Just like in society. Some family members have closed minds,

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hardened hearts, and prejudicial dogmas, and some don’t. Just like in society.

On the other hand, I have seen, over and over again, the strengthening of families that struggle with their differences with ears that listen closely and eyes that see accurately, and have come to include all the varieties on the vine. No matter who’s “different” or for what reason, the quilt-work of diversity makes the family more colorful, more interesting, and absolutely stronger for its inclusiveness. A family that excludes is weakened; it has broken its links through divisiveness and a lack of understanding…and often, even worse, there is a stubborn lack of desire to understand those who are different.

And so it is fractured. A family that includes all of its members learns, over time, to not merely tolerate differences, but to embrace them, and strengthens its bonds, becoming the healthier for it. The empowering message is, If I can be different here, in this microcosm of society, and be accepted, embraced, and loved, then I am strong enough to handle anything that the larger society might throw at me.

This is what I see repeatedly in healthy, dynamic families of all configurations: the unabashed and radical acceptance of all members. So the question becomes: Are we able to shape “family” to be a model for a harmonious, loving, and healthy society, or are we to follow the follies of society by repeating the prejudice, divisiveness, and exclusion of those with whom we disagree, those we fear for lack of understanding, those who threaten us with the mirrors they hold up, showing what we’re afraid to see about ourselves?

And what do I mean by a family member who’s “different?” Well, what’s different from the majority of

folks in your family? If you’re Jewish, maybe it’s a Christian in-law. If you’re straight, it’s your gay brother. If you’re black, it’s your white cousin. If you’re liberal, it’s your conservative uncle. You get the idea. Just like in larger society, “norm” means nothing more than numbers. “Normal” is not a tangible descriptive at all; it’s defined simply as the majority. If your family has nine Democrats and one Republican, then being a Democrat is “normal” in your family. If you’re the only lesbian sitting around your table of eight heterosexual relatives, you are automatically vulnerable to being excluded by falling out of the norm.

Imagine, right now, as you’re reading this: You are heterosexual, you are sitting in your living room with your family of ten, and every other relative there is gay. And they’re with their partners. And some of them have kids. And there you sit—childless, straight, and single. How do you think you’d feel? If they’re loving and embracing, it would feel a whole lot different than if they “don’t approve” of “the straight thing,” right?

So we’re back to: What kind of family do you wish to create, to be part of, to own as your own? One which weakens itself through exclusion and divisiveness, driving a wedge of heartache and unresolved anger between its members—or one that strengthens by including, accepting, and embracing everyone in its ranks, building a foundation of acceptance that says, “We are all here together, and here, you are safe.”

Dr. Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist, minister, and educator, in private practice in Chattanooga, and is the author of “Empowering the Tribe” and “The Power of a Partner.” Visit his web site at www.DrRPH.com where you can email your questions and comments.

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State of the Arts 2009

Chattanooga Fresh And Fringe

Profiles by Stephanie Smith Photography by Damien Power

F our girls go to dinner for a girls’ night out. One mentions “boudoir” photography. Two girls gasp.

The other smiles, a little smirk. “What?” asks one.

“Nothin’,” says the girl.

Unique, creative, and armed with a “license to be eclectic,” Patterson’s vibe has been described as “contagious” and “addictive” by her subjects. The fictional scenario above is based on many real-life conversations that photographer Lesha Patterson has found herself in the middle of.

After graduating from photography school, Patterson, a Chattanooga native, knew she had talent but had little confidence in her ability to go for her dreams.

“My prayer became, ‘Father, change me and mold me into the woman I can be,’” says Patterson. “Since then God has shown me, through His Son and Spirit, just how beautiful, talented, and precious I am.”

This revelation led Patterson to focus on women’s portraiture.

“Human beings are endlessly fascinating to me and I enjoy the process it takes to draw each one out of their shells; they’re like crossword puzzles,” Patterson enthuses. “I strive to make every session as unique as the individual while keeping it simple and fresh, to let the personality shine above all else, creating a personally timeless image.

“My studio is named La Mariposa, which is Spanish for ‘the butterfly,’ because I believe every woman to be as unique and beautiful as a butterfly. I offer boudoir, tasteful nudes, and ‘pin-up girl’ style sessions, which are considered on the fringe of society’s acceptable behavior—but every woman secretly wants to try it once in her life. I keep it simple, classy, and timeless.

“Most women say it’s empowering. Afterwards they feel giddy, buzzed, sexy and beautiful. You go through a transformation and you take it with you.”

Patterson sees herself in the women in front of the lens.

“I know what they don’t like about themselves long before they try to tell me and I know how that feels,” Patterson muses. “The F-word isn’t allowed in the studio—FAT, that is! I don’t want to hear it. When you’re here, you are beautiful and photogenic, period.”

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State of the Arts 2009

Chattanooga Fresh And Fringe “I

am Axis O. I am a freestanding sculpture that spans 9 ½ feet. I am made of stainless steel tubing and rod, angled with a beautiful sphere for my head. Some may look at me and say, ‘What is that funny shiny thing?’ but I say I am a creation to be enjoyed and possibly understood.”

If Isaac Duncan’s sculpture had a voice, this is what it would say.

His other works would speak of loyalty, sacrifice, and the deep, crafty nature of a unique artist.

“Loyalty” because Duncan’s primary medium is stainless steel, a material few local artists focus solely on without changing its outward appearance. Duncan grinds the stainless steel rods with a disc to reflect the light in much the same way that a fashion designer uses the lines, weight, and textures that are most flattering to the human body. He never paints the rods, instead preferring to let the unvarnished beauty of the stainless steel speak for itself.

“Sacrifice” is a common theme in Duncan’s work. He always begins his work not with a sketch, but with a small, threedimensional scale model. Once the model is complete, he finds the local materials necessary for a larger-scale work that is usually between six and 12 feet high. Constructing the larger sculpture is a very labor-intensive process, usually involving cranes and lifts and all manner of mechanical devices. Aside from the physical demands involved in creating the work, Duncan’s sacrifice is evident in the finished forms. His belief that each sculpture must have a correlation between shape, form, balance, tilt, and motion ensures that there are no extraneous parts in the finished work.

Due to Duncan’s self-described “deep and crafty nature,” his sculptures reflect the beauty of the materials, as rendered by an artist skilled with crafting metal, and draw the line between perfection and an artist’s mark. Each sculpture is

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unique and uniquely Duncan’s.

Duncan’s sculptures can be seen throughout Chattanooga, from Main Street to the Chattanooga State outdoor sculpture garden, and he is proud to promote the future of art in the Scenic City.

“Chattanooga is in a renaissance: it is a great place for young artists to develop, older artists to be left alone, and maturing artists to have a mixture of a nurturing intellectual environment and a relaxing place to produce. With great organizations that promote the arts (Allied Arts, AVA, PAC, CreateHere, Lyndhurst, CSO), one can not complain that much about the scene. So, it’s not New York or Chicago or LA. It never was and never will be. The one thing that excites me is that I am a part of a renaissance in a conscious city.”

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State of the Arts 2009

Chattanooga Fresh And Fringe SiLLYiLL October 28, 29, 30, 31, 1981 Philadelphia my life begun. Fast forward 26 years 3 months and 20 days, I met a young girl who makes tracks blaze. She put the funk down so tight and sexy I asked her whats her name and she said “Bexy”. On like a m****f**** ever since then and we be pumpin’ out the funky jams, now tell em again.

Digital Butter.

Sexy Bexy I came to this Earth on the 9th of July, mama had no idea I’d be this fly. Ran into this fella named SiLLYiLL, the fonky bass he played gave me a chill. So he played his grooves and I blew a horn lick, we looked at each other and new that s*** was sick. Now here we are makin beats finally, just the two of us so we can be free!

Digital Butter.

SiLLYiLL Digital Butter is now the name of my game we make funk because its crunk not for the sake of the fame. We only like our beats dirty grimy or crunchy, our cereal crispy, our oatmeal lumpy, our dances humpty, vocals with butta one take Bexy she never stutters i never get it twisted with caution i utter such ill rhymes that all these whack foos do is mutter.

Sexy Bexy He’s digital, I’m butta’, we make your heart flutter, your ass must be shakin’ we sizzle like bacon, we bring that hot fiyah now raise your hands higha, no you’re not dreamin’ cuz I hear you screamin’!

Digital Butter.

– Digital Butter Theme Song

SiLLYiLL (Adam Staudacher) and Sexy Bexy (Becky Ribeiro) make up the undeniably talented and musically indefinable duo of Digital Butter. With barely more than six months of collaboration, their fringe style

is becoming popular with crowds at electronic nights around Chattanooga.

“Many computer musicians will have a drummer or perhaps someone playing guitar or keys on stage with them, but I have yet to see anyone else with a live singer, and one who also plays a mean trumpet,” says Staudacher.

“I use Ableton Live 8 to make music, and this is really where the big shift occurred. We have recently incorporated an actual jam with a trumpet solo and me playing keys during the middle of one of our songs called ‘Chemical Kisses’ and it keeps it fresh and interesting live that way, for both us and the audience.”

“I think we’re part of a large group of young Chattanoogans who are trying to revive the music and arts scene,” says Ribeiro. “For a long time Chattanooga was called the black hole for musicians, but now, with the help of some new promoters, acts, venues, and artists, we’re making serious changes to what people think about this city.

Chattanooga isn’t going to be just Knoxville, Nashville, and Atlanta’s little forgotten cousin anymore.” Word to the glitch-hop.

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State of the Arts 2009

Chattanooga Fresh And Fringe “M

ost of the stuff I do is vapid teenagers. What I mean to say is, that’s what I think about when I see people in coffee shops, the people who glare at me.

I catch myself staring at people and it’s weird to see that they always have the same blank expressions on their faces and always have a means of escape in front of them—like a cell phone or CD player—so that it actually looks like everyone is thinking the exact same thing.

People are really interesting if you look at them with a crucial eye. They’re really insecure—they’ll rip up receipts and throw them away in different trash cans and yet their online persona, especially now with online journals and such which personally terrify me—is all about I met so-and-so here and I broke up with so-and-so…it’s just so unbalanced!

I guess with my work I’m trying to put people’s thoughts in the same place they’re in.”

— Tara Harris “Fresh” is a college art student who has already won awards and become identified with brands.

“Fringe” is an artist who focuses on digital illustrations as her “main squeeze/love interest/hoodad.”

“Illustration has been elevated since the age of Rockwell,” exclaims Harris. “It has become an amazingly diverse genre of work, but it is still a niche market as far as most galleries are concerned.”

That hasn’t stopped Harris from exploding onto the Chattanooga arts scene. Her “dorky little self-conscious characters” have been shown at UTC, Take Art/Leave Art, and 4 Bridges Arts Festival, and she recently landed the “dream job” of branding the Chattanooga Roller Girls. Future projects include a comic strip she is working on with sometime-Pulse contributing writer Alison Burke to be released in December 2009.

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Harris praises UTC, where she is currently a student, and the Chattanooga art scene, particularly the Association for Visual Artists, for their support of her work.

“AVA is a huge influence on this place, from the free advertising in the front to the fantasticallyunderused student gallery which is very open to project ideas.”

A self-proclaimed “weirdo who drew and had no social skills,” Harris is still a weirdo, but with improved social skills. Three words she uses to describe herself are awkward, fidgety, and spontaneous. When asked about the relationship of her persona to her art, she replies, “Art now is the most personal part of an artist’s self.”

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State of the Arts 2009

Chattanooga Fresh And Fringe

I

t was a cold February day in 2008.

Charlie Madison was escaping his troubled, alcoholic past in sunny LA to live under an assumed identity in the suburban, cinematically-barren wasteland of Chattanooga, Tennessee. Although at first skeptical, Charlie would soon discover locations that showcased the beauty of his adopted city, while at the same time providing the perfect cover for shooting guerilla-style film noir webisodes of his undercover exploits each week. Now if he could only put together a local crew and produce quality short-form dramatic work on a budget…hmm…maybe AFFT would help?

Dylan Kussman has a resume of professional film credits, such as Leatherheads and Dead Poets Society, that can easily by accessed via internet sites like imdb.com.

However, what may be his most interesting work, at least to Chattanoogans, has yet to air.

“As a writer, my eyes and ears are always open; my move to Chattanooga inspired me to come up with The Steps,” says Kussman.

The Steps is a noir-crime-thrillermystery series of 10 six-minute webisodes. Produced by Kussman and filmed entirely in and around Chattanooga with a local cast and crew, the story is loosely based on the antics of former high-profile Los Angeles private investigator Anthony Pellicano (Charlie Madison, played by Kussman), who was recently arrested on 78 counts of unlawful wiretapping and racketeering charges. The criminal underground that the fictional Charlie Madison encounters upon moving to Chattanooga is based on the highly publicized investigation of ex-City Councilman John “Duke” Franklin.

“Series that are produced over the internet are really a fledgling industry whose time hasn’t come yet,” says Kussman, “so The Steps has been designed to fit a paradigm that doesn’t exist yet. In the future there will be tons of webisodes—maybe you’ll even be able to download them into a microchip in your ear. The point is you don’t have to spend an hour of your precious time in the living room. The goal is to achieve good writing and acting in a dramatic story—most of short-form content on the web is comedic—in six-minute [increments].

“The future [of Chattanooga’s art scene] looks bright. There a lot of people devoting a lot of time and energy into making this an art-friendly city and it’s going to pay off sooner rather than later. I’m very proud to be shooting the web series using local actors and technical crew and then distributing it in a medium that is worldwide.”

Countdown to webisode launch: 3 months. Stay tuned as Charlie continues working on The Steps… coming to a computer screen near you in November 2009.

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State of the Arts 2009

Arts & Entertainment Fall Preview Calendar

By Molly Iles

A

s the leaves begin to turn, local arts organizations are rolling out their fall lineups. And the autumn art color looks to be spectacular this year. Many new productions and exhibitions are in store, as well as a few returning favorites.

Get out the berets and shades for the Hunter Museum’s new “New York Cool: Painting and Sculpture from the NYU Art Collection.” This exhibition focuses on the “cool” art of the late 1950’s and early 1960’s. Many of the Post Modernera innovations such as Pop Art and Minimalism are considered to have grown out of the “cool” period creations and ideas. Opens August 23, closes October 25.

Also at the Hunter this fall is Night Visions: The Art of Remington and Johnson. This exhibit focuses on the work of Frederic Remington and Frank Tenney Johnson. Feature paintings revolve around striking nocturnal scenes and explore the darkness of night in art. The exhibit opened in July and will close on September 13. www.huntermuseum.org Chattanooga’s Association of Visual Arts is also

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hosting several exhibitions in the AVA Gallery, including the FRESH 2009 Emerging Artist Exhibit.

This annual AVA exhibition is open to artists who have never had a solo showing and are not represented by a particular gallery. The exhibit opens September 8 and runs through October 23. www.avarts.org The Arts and Education Council (AEC) is excited to start off their Independent Film Series fall season this Labor Day weekend at the Bijou Theatre. The series offers award-winning independent films that would otherwise not reach Chattanooga. AEC’s Back Row Film Series, a mix of film, musical performances, art, and more will be featuring Tableland: A Local Food Event on August 27 as well as Chief Bravehart on September 24. Don’t forget about Culture Fest 2009, which will be held on Sunday, September 27 at the First Tennessee Pavilion. www.artsedcouncil.org The Chattanooga Symphony and Opera will have several performances this season in both the Master Works Series and the modern Pops Series.

Master Works for September features Beethoven Violin Concerto with Alexandre da Costa, while in October. Tchaikovsky’s Piano Concerto #1 will feature Michael Chertock. It is back to Beethoven in November with Beethoven Symphony #7.

The Pops Series will offer a vaudeville-themed

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show called Stay Tuned in September and a Halloween performance entitled “Boo-tacular”.

For the month of December, the CSO Chorus

State of the Arts 2009

appears for the “Home for the Holidays!” performances. www. chattanoogasymphony.org For ballet fans, the fall season is focused on one particular composition. Ballet Tennessee will be performing the classic holiday ballet The Nutcracker this December.

Showings will be December 4-6 at the Roland Hayes Concert Hall at the UTC Fine Arts Center. Auditions for the play will be held in September. www.ballettennessee.org.

The Chattanooga Ballet will also be performing its rendition of The Nutcracker from December 8-13 at the Tivoli Theatre. Auditions will be held in September. www. chattanoogaballet.net Theatre lovers are not left out. The Chattanooga Theatre Centre’s season has something for everyone. On the MainStage, look for Disney’s Beauty and the Beast during the months of September and October, and starting November 27, that holiday favorite, A Christmas Carol. On the Circle Stage, Regrets Only premieres in November.

They will also be performing David Sedaris’s Santaland Diaries starting December 12. The Youth Theatre is gearing up for several October showings of Holes, and will be presenting a child-friendly production of Madeline’s Christmas in December. www.theatrecentre.com UTC celebrates 30 years of the Patten Performances series with one of the best series ever. Included are taiko drummers Nagata Shachu, the Classical Theatre of Harlem’s acclaimed version of Waiting for Godot, dance duo Urban Bush

Women, contemporary ballet troupe Complexions, jazz The Holly Hofmann/Mike Wofford Quartet, The Acting Company’s Romeo & Juliet, and early-music group Red Priest. www.tickettracks.com At the Memorial Auditorium, Frankie Beverly will be in concert on September 5. In November, Martha Reeves and the Vandellas will perform with special guest The Contours featuring Sylvester Potts for the Motown 50th Anniversary Celebration. Skillet: The Alive and Awake Tour will be in town on December 3. www. chattanoogaonstage.com Chattanooga’s famed Tivoli Theatre will also be host to many concerts and productions this coming fall. Brigand Shorts 2009: International Film Festival will premiere the Chattanoogafilmed Thick as Thieves on August 29. In September, Rodgers and Hammerstein’s Cinderella will take the stage for three days of performances, and on September 28, Vince Gill will be a part of the annual benefit “A Song for Children.”

Lisa Williams: Voices from the Other Side will play for one night on October 22, and In the Mood, a 1940’s musical spectacular will jive on October 27. On October 29, famed guitarist Joe Bonamassa will perform. And November will see the much-talked-about presentation of The Screwtape Letters, based on the novel by C.S. Lewis. Performances will be November 21-22. www. chattanoogaonstage.com 95.3 Pulse News www.chattanoogapulse.com 8.27.09 The Pulse

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Arts & Entertainment

Freedom and Forms

By Michael Crumb

“N

ew York Cool” has opened at the Hunter Museum, and we are much enamored by its presence. Selected by Pepe Karmel, premiered at the Grey Gallery at New York University, and published as an engaging art book, this collection makes a fairly strong argument for a second eruption of avant-garde styles during the twentieth century.

Dubbed “The New York School” and following about a generation after the initial eruption of various styles of expressionism and surrealism in Europe, this collection seems less of a transition to later, well-known styles than a “Trinity” (as in New Mexico) that had transformed the ground of artistic endeavor for good.

Marshall McLuhan defined the term “cool” with respect to media as “involvement,” specifically of the imagination of the person receiving the medium: Telephones are a “cool” medium. With respect to the collection, I think the dynamism of these artists’ work to imbue forms with their free vision will draw the viewer deeply into complex imaginative play. Form presents the essence of the known, and freedom may express the unknown, perhaps the “not yet” known. Art made in such a context promotes more questions than answers.

Significantly, a new form, “The Grid”, develops within this group.

Rosalind Krauss (in the “New York Cool” book): “The Grid announces… modern art’s will to silence…it is what art looks like when it turns its back on nature.” Well, maybe, but “The Grid” remains geometrical, and geometry remains so relevant to ourselves.

Krauss does present an elegant aesthetic reformulation: “A symbolist window parading in the guise of a treatise on optics”—mais oui! Perhaps non-mimetic, as Krauss declares— music is nonmemetic; geometrical abstraction presents the limits of form, limits pushed to the unrecognizable in fully abstract freeplay. This collection contains stunning examples of both styles.

There is a “perfect” little grid by

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Agnes Martin, “Wood 4” (1964), handed off by the playwright Edward Albee. Perhaps paper can show its origin as wood, but such closure presents the illusion of sublime artistic play.

I saw Agnes Martin’s last installation in Taos, placing the viewer in the center of a polygram of her great rectangles.

“Quien sabe?”—very much to the point.

Adolf Gottlieb’s “Circular” (1960) juxtaposes the geometric with more chaotic abstraction. There is a suggestion that it can induce satori—very large grain of salt here—were I to play the illusionist game, I may propose it as a snapshot of a latter stage of a “Trinity” explosion, But beyond such fanciful speculation, this sublime work invites more contemplation than any of us probably has the leisure to engage in.

“Spread” (1958), by Kenneth Noland of Black Mountain College, honored by being the logo work of this show, similarly shows this movement between the geometric abstract and more chaotic abstractions.

Of abstract work there is a great range, beginning with Hale A. Woodruff’s “Blue Intrusion” (1958).

Its blasts of color possess a quality the imbues nearly every work in the “Collaborations” show at the Chattanooga African American Museum, a quality of aesthetic substance that rather deliberately eschews the “polish” of fine arts presentations. “Circular” also possesses this quality; others, too.

Women artists are well represented here. Louise Bourgeoise’s surreal “Labyrinthine Tower” (1962), manages to contain purely imaginative content—such an elegant masterpiece!

Miriam Shapiro has two pieces in the collection, in styles that have been widely replicated. Louise Nevelson’s “The Tropical Gardens” (1957), blackly surreal, contains order and chaos.

The surreal shows strongly in both sculptures and collages. Seymour

Liatin’s “Argosy” (1948) appears to be the earliest work, as strange as Dali, yet so deeply fundamental.

This collection also contains a later series of his. Robert Rauschenberg’s “Untitled” (1957) conflates intent with accident. Even the relative border between surrealism and expressionism gets erased by Nicolar Marsicano’s “Unitled” (1966). Works by the de Koonings provoke strange wonder.

Frank O’Hara’s semi-poetic postcards of desire, so suited to the New York streets, combine with Norman Blum’s abstracted meanderings in 22 pieces (1960).

Forms become teased and even transformed by the play of such gifted artists.

I could go one, but I won’t, there’s so much here! Ellen Simak, curator at the Hunter, has shown such devotion to the presentation of this show.

Art historian Irving Sandler, who recognized this “cool school”, will comment on this exhibit on October 8. For all the questions posed by the works here, for all its intricacy and elegance, plan to spend hours, which likely won’t be enough.

“New York Cool: Paintings and Sculpture from the New York University Art Collection” $9.95 Hunter Museum, 10 Bluff View (423) 267-0968. www.huntermuseum.org

A&E Calendar Friday

Thursday

Tableland, part of the AEC Back Row Film Series Food from local producers plus acclaimed filmed culinary journey across North America. $15 6 p.m.

Loose Cannon Studios, 1800 Rossville Ave. (423) 266-1218. www.artsedcouncil.org

Send your calendar events to us at calendar@chattanoogapulse.com

Mystery of the TV Talk Show 7 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. www.funnydinner.com

Fun Fridays Children’s Reading Hour 10:30 a.m. Rock Point Books, 401 Broad St. (423) 756-2855.

Rhyme N Chatt Poetry Session 7 p.m. Aretha Frankenstein’s, 518 Tremont St. (423) 265-7685. www.arethas.com

A Love Song to Myself Aerial Dance 7:30 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center, 615 McCallie Ave. (423) 425-4269.

Ron Shock 8 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233.

Night Visions: The Art of Frederic Remington and Frank Tenney Johnson Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944.

“Forms and Faces” North River Civic Center, 1009 Executive Dr. (423) 870-8924.

Cotton Patch Gospel 7:30 p.m. Ripple Theater, 3264 Brainerd Road, (423) 475-5006.

Julie & Julia Meryl Streep glows as cooking icon Julia Child.

Bijou Theatre, 215 Broad Street, (423) 265-5320. www.carmike.com

Saturday

Brigand Shorts 2009: International Short Films Festival Downtown festival and many mini-films, plus a screening of Chattanooga-made Thick As Thieves. $5, noon-6 p.m. screenings $15, 7 p.m. Thick As Thieves Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad Street. www.brigandpictures.com

Monday Southern Literature Book Club 6 p.m. Rock Point Books, 401 Broad St. (423) 756-2855. www.rockpointbooks.com “Speak Easy” spoken word and poetry night 8 p.m. Mudpie Restaurant, 12 Frazier Ave. (423) 267-9040.

“Collaboration: Two Decades of African American Art” Chattanooga African American Museum, 200 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-8658. www.caamhistory.org “Forms and Faces” North River Civic Center, 1009 Executive Dr. (423) 870-8924.

Works by Stephen Scott Young Shuptrine Fine Art and Framing, 2646 Broad St. (423) 266-4453.

Works by Stephen Scott Young Shuptrine Fine Art and Framing, 2646 Broad St. (423) 266-4453.

“HelloWorld.Show();” Create Here, 55 East Main St. Ste. 105. (423) 648-2195. www.createhere.org “Doulton Delicacies” Houston Museum of Arts, 201 High St. (423) 267-7176. www.thehoustonmuseum.com

Ron Shock 7:30 p.m. & 10 p.m. The Comedy Catch & Giggles Grille, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233.

“Leo the Lion” Watercolors and Photos from Tour of Europe by Helen Burton In-Town Gallery, 26A Frazier Ave. (423)267-9214.

The Mystery of Flight 138 8:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839.

“Discovery” River Gallery, 400 E. Second St. (423) 265-5033.

Sunday Mosaic Market 11 a.m. 412 Market St. (corner of 4th/Market) (423) 624-3915.

Thick as Thieves, short film 7 p.m. Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad St. (423) 765-336-1062

Art Until Dark Noon. Frazier, Avenue. North Shore. (423) 413-8999. www.arttildark.com

Cotton Patch Gospel 7:30 p.m. Ripple Theater, 3264 Brainerd Road, (423) 475-5006. www.rippletheater.com

Mystery of the Time Machine 1 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839.

Ron Shock 7:30 p.m. & 10 p.m. The Comedy Catch & Giggles Grille, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233.

The Mystery at the Nightmare High School Reunion 6 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839.

The Mystery of the RedneckItalian Wedding 8:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839.

River City Red Hots Jazz Show and Dinner 6:30 p.m. Delta Queen, Coolidge Park. (423) 468-4500. www.deltaqueenhotel.com

“Sign of the Times” Jewish Cultural Center, 5461 North Terrace. (423) 493-0270. www.jcfg.com

Tuesday

Wednesday

Night Visions: The Art of Frederic Remington and Frank Tenney Johnson Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944.

“HelloWorld.Show();” Create Here, 55 East Main St. Ste. 105. (423) 648-2195.

“Doulton Delicacies” Houston Museum of Arts, 201 High St. (423) 267-7176.

Ron Shock 8 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com “Landscapes” The Gallery, 3918 Dayton Blvd.

(423) 870-2443.

Chattanooga Market: Mountain View Bluegrass Day Enjoy summer’s waning days with bluegrass, folk art and fresh produce.

Free 11 a.m. to 4 p.m.

First Tennessee Pavilion, 1826 Carter St. (423) 648-2496. www.chattanoogamarket.com

“New York Cool” Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944.

“Bagels and Barbeque: The Jewish Experience in Tennessee” Kolwyck Library, Chattanooga State, 4501 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 697-4448.

35th Annivesary Month Exhibit In-Town Gallery, 26A Frazier Ave. (423)267-9214.

Editor’s Pick: Featured Event Of The Week

“Root Workers and Railroad Tracks: The Work of James McKissic” Chattanooga African American Museum, 200 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-8658. www.caamhistory.org “New York Cool” Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944. www.huntermuseum.org

“Sign of the Times” Jewish Cultural Center, 5461 North Terrace. (423) 493-0270. www.jcfg.com

“Bagels and Barbeque: The Jewish Experience in Tennessee” Kolwyck Library, Chattanooga State, 4501 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 697-4448.

“Landscapes” The Gallery, 3918 Dayton Blvd.

(423) 870-2443. www.redbankgallery.com

35th Annivesary Month Exhibit In-Town Gallery, 26A Frazier Ave. (423)267-9214. www.intowngallery.com

“New York Cool” The mid-’50s to early ’60s was a transitional period in American art, but some remarkable work from some major artists was made during that time. See show review in Arts & Entertainment Feature, this issue.

Daily, $9.95 Hunter Museum, 10 Bluff View.

(423) 267-0968. www.huntermuseum.org

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Life In The Noog

40 Minutes of Fame, 40 Years Ago

By Chuck Crowder

T

“Sommer was one of the few people in this world who knew what it was like to stand on a makeshift stage of scaffolding and plywood in front of a growing crowd of half-a-million people.”

his month marks the 40th anniversary of the famous Woodstock Festival, held in Bethel, New York on August 15-17, 1969. In fact, there’s a movie coming out this week called Taking Woodstock, which is Hollywood’s attempt at getting people under the age of 40 engaged in what happened one weekend on a dairy farm before they were born.

But Woodstock was a remarkable feat. The “three days of peace, love and music” was put together in essentially one month by four guys who were able to convince some of music’s top talent that hundreds of thousands of people would embark on a journey down a two-lane road to see them play in the middle of a cow pasture. And, aside from the general feeling of peace and love all around, the event didn’t happen at all as planned—but historically so.

More than twice as many people showed up than were expected—some say 500,000. They ran out of food and water. It rained. Two people died.

It rained. Two births occurred. It rained. There was a lot of “bad acid” floating around. It was muddy. But despite it all, a lot of good rockin’ went down, very peacefully.

Santana, The Grateful Dead, CCR, Joe Cocker, Jefferson Airplane, Sly and the Family Stone, The Band, and Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young all performed. Jimi Hendrix played the most distorted version of the national anthem ever recorded. The Who did

Tommy in its entirety (at 4 a.m.). Joan Baez used the stage to tell the world of her husband’s recent incarceration as a conscientious objector. And Janis Joplin put on one of the best performances of her too-short career.

But not everything that went on over those three days was as memorable. Even though there is an equally famous three-anda-half-hour documentary about the townspeople, farm, workers, attendees, performances, and general atmosphere of the weekend, there were some things omitted from audio or video record that happened just as infamously as the rest of it.

Take Bert Sommer. He shared the same stage with all of the really, really famous aforementioned performers.

And although his performance didn’t make the film, he played fourth on Day One’s roster (after Richie Havens).

At the time, Sommer was best known for his one and only hit, “We’re All Playing in the Same Band.” Remember that gem? Me neither. It never made any of the K-Tel compilations from the ’60s that I am aware of. But at the time it peaked at Number 48 on the Billboard charts, which is higher than most songs ever place.

After Woodstock, Sommer went on to combine his musical talents with acting. He played “Woof” in the original Broadway production of the famous hippie musical Hair. You remember—the creative interpretation of the Woodstock generation that boils the all-too-serious political views of kids seething to explode from the right-wing, backwards-thinking conservatism of their parents down to the length of their flowing locks as

they arise from the “dawning of the age of Aquarius.” It’s currently a hit on Broadway again.

Then, Sommer moved to the little screen, playing in the “wacky glam rock” band “Kaptain Kool & The Kongs” on Syd & Marty Krofft’s Supershow in 1976 (along with “Dr. Shrinker,” “Electra Woman & Dyna Girl,” and “Wonderbug”). That’s when the drugs really started kicking in. Anyone who remembers ANYthing the Krofft boys did (HR Pufnstuf, The Bugaloos, etc.) knows that they must have been seriously high at the time.

Regardless, before any of that ever happened, Sommer was one of the limited number of artists who could say they played Woodstock. Led Zeppelin, Bob Dylan, The Doors, The Byrds, Jethro Tull, Joni Mitchell and The Moody Blues were all asked to participate, but declined the invitation for one reason or another. I suspect it’s mostly because no one at the time could foresee that magnitude from just another weekend show in the middle of nowhere. At least that’s how history reads.

But Bert Sommer took the gig.

And even though, sadly, he died from a respiratory illness in 1990 at the tender age of 41, Sommer was one of the few people in this world who knew what it was like to stand on a makeshift stage of scaffolding and plywood in front of a growing crowd of half-a-million people and sing a hit that, 40 years later, no radio station can seem to find. Maybe that’s what’s so funny about peace, love and understanding.

Chuck Crowder is a local writer and general man about town. His opinions are just that. And be sure to check out his wildly popular website www.thenoog.com

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New in Theaters Taking Woodstock Coming just weeks after the 40th anniversary of the seminal counterculture concert, Academy Award-winning director Ang Lee (Brokeback Mountain, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon) turns his prodigious talents to comedy, with mixed results. The film is based on the true story of Elliot Tiber and his family, who inadvertently played a pivotal role in making the famed Woodstock Music and Arts Festival into a real “happening”. The plot is a simple one with great comic potential: It’s 1969, and a down-on-his-luck interior designer in Greenwich Village has to move back upstate to help his parents run their dilapidated Catskills motel. When he hears that a neighboring town has pulled the permit on a hippie music festival, he calls the producers, thinking he could drum up some much-needed business for the motel. The main problem with the film is that Lee seems unsure what to do with all the various subplots he throws into the film, and with the notable exception of Eugene Levy and Liev Schreiber, uses a far too heavy hand with the acting talent.

And one would think a move about a

concert would have a lot more music, especially this particular concert.

Overall, though, it’s reasonably enjoyable light fluff in a month where light fluff is a welcome diversion.

Starring: Demetri Martin, Imelda Staunton, Emile Hirsch, Eugene Levy, Liev Schreiber Director: Ang Lee Rating: R

Also in Theaters The Final Destination (New) A group of friends escapes a deadly accident thinking they’ve cheated death, only to get killed off one-by-one in increasingly gruesome ways.

Halloween II (New) Director Rob Zombie picks up right where he left off, with the next terrifying chapter of Michael Myers’ murderous rampage.

Inglourious Basterds Brad Pitt stars in Quentin Tarantino’s violent WWII tale of soldiers, peasants and resistance fighters who collide in Nazioccupied France.

Post Grad Alexis Bledel is a college grad whose big plans for the future take a detour when she’s forced to move back in with her crazy family.

Shorts A small town is thrown into chaos when a mysterious rainbowcolored rock falls from

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the sky, granting wishes to anyone who holds it.

District 9 From producer Peter Jackson, a cerebral sci-fi tale about alien refugees in South Africa who hold the key to a mysterious, powerful secret.

The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard Jeremy Piven stars as an infamous, fast-talking used car salesman hired to help save a struggling dealership over the Fourth of July.

Ponyo Legendary anime director Hayao Miyazaki’s tale of a 5-year-old boy and a goldfish princess who longs to become human.

Bandslam Vanessa Hudgens is part of group of high school misfits who form a fledgling rock band to compete in the ultimate battle of the bands.

The Time Traveler’s Wife Rachel McAdams and Eric Bana star in the tale of a man cursed with

a genetic anomaly that causes him to skip back and forth through time.

Julie & Julia Meryl Streep and Amy Adams star in parallel true stories of famed chef Julia Child and a young woman who embarks on a culinary quest.

A Perfect Getaway A young newlywed couple goes backpacking in a remote island paradise, only to be thrust into brutal battle for survival..

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra A Real American Hero, based on the 1980s cartoon/action figures, comes to life to battle the evil forces of Cobra.

Funny People In the latest from director Judd Apatow, Adam Sandler stars as a veteran stand-up comedian who has a near-death experience.

Aliens in the Attic A group of kids must fight off an alien attack.

Film Feature

Film Feeding Frenzy

By Phillip Johnston

D

irector Quentin Tarantino’s eighth feature film Inglourious Basterds is an excitedly violent wartime opus that is, at its best, concerned with the wonder of cinema.

The uncomplicated plot concerns a young woman’s plan to single-handedly avenge her massacred family by doing away with the Nazi Party via locking members in a movie theater she intends to burn to the ground on the night of a Third Reich film premiere. Nation’s Pride— a schmaltzy propaganda piece directed by Joseph Goebbels—is meant to be a rallying cry for Hitler’s master race, but Shoshanna Dreyfus (Mélanie Laurent) plans to turn it into a death sentence.

The American military is intrigued by this premiere because the Fuhrer himself will be in attendance. Brad Pitt plays Lt. Aldo Raine, an officer who specializes in leading a violent militia of young man into German territory to scalp Nazis.

They’re called the Inglourious Basterds and their story crosses paths with Ms. Dreyfus by way of the harrowing German Colonel Hans Landa (Christoph .

Waltz, the film’s best performer) The scenes are long, sometimes overly so, and structured to evoke a maximum amount of tension before exploding into violence. Tarantino mimics Sergio Leone, starting a scene with wide shots and inching into close-ups, but he doesn’t leave it at that. Inglourious Basterds is a cinema nerd’s dream come true, and the script is riddled with references to classic German films, while each scene visually nods to classic directors— John Ford, Brian de Palma, G.W. Pabst, and F.W. Murnau are all embedded in the director’s aesthetic.

Still, there are no signs of Tarantino becoming a humanist director. There’s a shred of humanity

in the brilliant first scene, but the rest makes me wonder whether Tarantino will ever level his violence fetish and make a movie that will hold a place in the annals of cinema next to the greatest films of his idols.

Opening at the Bijou this Friday is the acclaimed documentary Food, Inc., a movie that details an out-of-control problem faced in the United States: The majority of our food comes not from farmers concerned about the quality of their product, but from industrial farms-turned-factories owned by a handful of money-hungry corporations.

Director Robert Kenner makes great efforts to make the subject harrowing for the uninitiated. Those not familiar with the mechanical, Orwellian way our country produces food may well be shocked by the film and overcome cravings for fast food as it does its best to reveal the dark underbelly of American food production and the ideological shackles it inflicts on farmers.

“I understand why farmers don’t want to talk,” says Perdue chicken farmer Carole Morison, “because companies can do what they want to do as far as pay goes because they control everything. But … something has to be said.”

Food, Inc. relies on the stories of courageous people like Morison who have refused to stand idly by and deny the problem. Another one of them is Gary Hirshberg of Stonyfield Farm who has been taking proactive measures to keep his customers safe and healthy throughout his whole career.

“The irony,” says Hirshberg, “is that the average consumer does not feel very powerful. They think that they are the recipients of whatever industry has put there for them to consume. Trust me, it’s the exact opposite. Those businesses spend billions of dollars to tally our votes. When we run an item

past the supermarket scanner, we’re voting.”

In perfect timing with Food, Inc.’s arrival in Chattanooga, the Arts & Education Council’s Back Row Film Series will present a strikingly more positive documentary called Tableland this Thursday evening at Loose Cannon Studios.

The film is filmmaker Craig Noble’s journey through the organic farms, vineyards and breweries of Ontario and the northern United States. The farmers he interviews share the concern of Food, Inc., but their passion for creating a perfected product is their lifeblood.

Tableland’s farmers take manifold precautious to ensure the safety of the food they sell, but these precautions—efforts that industrial farmers could not even approach— have become a way of life. The film informatively explains current eco-buzzwords like “sustainable,” and encourages the audience to seek local farmers who care as much about the Earth as their own livelihood. The film plays like a credo for responsible eating and recognizes eating as one of the purest forms of pleasure—pleasure that does not have to be derived from ignorance.

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Table Service

Fun with Food at Kanpai of Tokyo

By Molly Iles

T

he style is teppanyaki, a Japanese cuisine that involves cooking food on an iron griddle. In America, the method is popular at many Japanese steakhouses and hibachi grills, including Kanpai of Tokyo; however, that is not the only reason this small chain of restaurants has managed to establish a loyal fan base.

Originally opened in Atlanta in 1973, Kanpai of Tokyo has evolved into a popular chain comprised of four restaurants throughout the Southeastern United State, with locations in Chattanooga and Knoxville in Tennessee, and Greenville and Spartanburg in South Carolina.

In Chattanooga, the local branch first opened in Red Bank more than 30 years ago. In 1992, it made the move to the Hamilton Place area. “It was the place to be at the time and in some ways still is,” says local operations manager Todd Burgner. And though the location might have changed, the restaurant has not.

Essentially, Kanpai of Tokyo is a Japanese steakhouse, but instead of tradition Japanese fare, a more entertaining meal is provided.

Teppanyaki cooking is flash and fun and unique, especially for firsttimers. At Kanpai of Tokyo, they

look for chefs with strong culinary backgrounds that include culinary school and previous work. The trainees must then practice for anywhere from four to eight months with the head chef before they begin to cook and serve on their own. On top of the hands-on practice, a large amount of studying is involved. Since a chef must know how to prepare every item on the menu, they must be familiar with what sauces are needed, how much time certain items take to cook, and much more. “You have to be able to perform in front of people,” remarks Burgner, who claims that the hardest tricks are usually the throwing ones. Imagine how long it would take to learn how to crack an egg in midair or to toss a steak knife up and into your hat.

With all the show, some might expect the food to be lacking, but the restaurant prides itself on serving fresh, quality meals. Japanesestyle food is cooked in front of the customer’s eyes so the meal is served fresh and hot every time. Hibachi chicken, seafood and steak sizzle up while the rice and vegetables mix together with any one of the special sauces, all of which are made from scratch. Also available is a selection of fresh sushi rolls and salads, and a variety of wines, imported beers, and the traditional Japanese rice wine, sake. There is even a kids’ menu, offering traditional hibachi meals as well as chicken fingers, hamburgers, and even French fries, which Burgner

believes sets Kanpai of Tokyo apart from other Japanese steakhouses.

The fusion of cultures and ideas that go into making the food also set Kanpai apart. The fare is made in Japanese style—but with a strong blend of Korean, Vietnamese, and American influences, as well as the component of the chef’s cultural background. Many of the workers come from diverse international communities, and that mix helps to create special dishes, unique to the restaurant, such as Tofu Hot and Sour Soup and Thai Shrimp with Soba noodles. This also helps the restaurant “to stay new,” says Burgner, “ so people don’t look at you as just the same old menu.”

These creative dishes, as well as the teppanyaki meals, even show up on the menus for the Express lunch and the Dinner for Two deal. With the Express Lunch, your meal will be ready in under 10 minutes, and the Dinner for Two offers two meals for $13.99 several days a week. There is even an Early Bird meal that offers two entrees for around $15 if you come in the first hour they are open.

(These specials are usually MondayFriday only.)

Inside, tile flooring runs throughout the restaurant, which is separated into several dinning rooms and halls with a bar right off the entrance and a sizable atrium room near the back.

In the front dinning rooms, roughly 40 people can sit comfortably, while the back rooms seat about 20, which

is fortunate, considering that during the busy season nearly 800 people can pass through on a Saturday night.

The atrium offers large windows and a skylight. The bar is separated by a hallway, and houses several squat tables in the shape of sumo wrestlers.

The building is full of woodwork and Japanese-themed wall art, with soft music playing in the background.

Kanpai of Tokyo is certainly not a typical restaurant After all, the teppanyaki performances and the fusion-inspired food make being typical impossible. But it’s a restaurant with fun and excitement, and of course, quality meals at an affordable price.

Kanpai of Tokyo, 2200 Hamilton Place Blvd. (423) 855-8204. www.kanpaioftokyo.com/chattanooga

95.3 Pulse News www.chattanoogapulse.com 8.27.09 The Pulse

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On The Beat

After-Action Report: A Community Ambush Meeting

By Alex Teach

M

“What those groups still fail to understand is that cops don’t respond to colors and races; they respond to complainants and victims.”

y buddy and I had gone to see the new Pixar flick Up in a desperate effort to brighten my mood after a rather disheartening experience at a town hall-type meeting an hour before. It’s the meeting many of you Loyal Readers expected me to write about this week, but as it turns out I already covered it one month ago in the third week of July’s edition of The Pulse (“It’s All About Priorities”) without the inconvenience of even having to update it two fatal shootings later.

About the meeting, I will say this: Of the 60-plus shootings that have occurred this calendar year in our fair city, although roughly 80 percent of them were black-on-black (male) shootings, the NAACP still only shows concern about two (2).

Both of these shootings involved police officers shooting armed black males who were witnessed pointing firearms at responding police officers. Both responses

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were initiated by the suspects, not police, and both shootings involved minority police officers shooting at the minority offenders, resulting in said offenders’ deaths. In fact, of the 60 shootings these were the only ones sanctified by the State and

by Civilized Rule of the people; it has even been opined that the very reason police officers in America carry firearms is to deal with people using firearms, regardless of race.

(Crazy, yes, but fodder for another article.)

Of the other 58 shootings, nothing was mentioned. Of the shooting committed by one of the offenders just prior to his death, nothing was said (with the insightful exception of one bold man present, Mr. Kevin Jones). Of how the 15 year old obtained a gun and why he was shooting it at moving cars in his neighborhood and where his parent(s) were then, nothing was said. And if I really, really wanted to “cause a ruckus”, I could point out that seven years ago when a white police officer was murdered by a black suspect in this town, nothing was said by the NAACP either, but I’m really trying to avoid upsetting folk these days, so I’ll lay off. (I’ve already

annoyed you with my simplification of not referring to white people as “European Americans” and black people as “African Americans”, so chew on both before the hate really sets in and mold aluminum foil to your head if headaches begin in earnest.) I left when the meeting concluded (and by “concluded” I mean “degenerated into a hate-filled ambush of preconceived agendas justified by handshakes and hugs afterwards”).

I had remained silent in the back of the room, but speaking was never my intention; I was only there to validate or modify my opinion firsthand rather than rely on the opinions (or flat-out horsecrap) of others. I had avoided debate since dealing with another officer-involved shooting more than a decade ago in a case in which a police officer responded to a burglary in progress, wherein said burglar jumped from a porch, and shot said responding officer in the chest. Let me repeat that: The suspect, a black male, shot the police officer, a white male, in the chest. (The bullet was stopped by his body armor, but it absolutely ruined his uniform shirt.)

In response, said officer returned fire (having just been shot in the chest

On The Beat with a very fast bullet from a very real gun), and said suspect died as a result of the wounds.

Despite the fact that he was shot first by the suspect on a call, not at a traffic stop or something else initiated by the officer, it was said to be a “racially motivated murder” on the part of the officer. Did I mention he was shot first? Groups were firm in this belief; the NAACP, the RainbowPUSH Coalition, and a local activist-and-formerconvicted-hijacker I won’t dignify with a name since he changed it, and if returning fire from a bodyshot wasn’t good enough, I knew no argument was, so I stopped from thereon out. As demonstrated four years later, apparently only the cop being murdered was an appropriate response, which I had a difficult time accepting logically.

Now, my opinions were validated more than 10 years later by not only the officers now being condemned for shooting people who were pointing guns at them while they screamed, “No! No! No!”, the crowd tonight finally did what I always asked: They stated that “five” (5) bullets, specifically, was what it “should take to take him down.” Well, shit, thanks; now I know how many bullets to take to work.

What those groups still fail to understand is that cops don’t respond to colors and races; they respond to complainants and victims. Period. Minority cops are hated by some minorities as much as the shamefully born European American (white) cops are. Those groups are actually colorblind themselves, blinded by their own sense of monochromatic persecution despite 40 years of reform and generational shift and federal oversight or any amount of facts presented case-by-case. And as long as they see the world in such fixed terms, there can never be a resolution. The ball wasn’t always, but certainly now is, in their court. And despite their obtuseness, the police culture will await their awakening, just as it had its own during the last 50 years.

As for the meeting? Despite my standing out like a sore Caucasoid thumb in the crowd, I was never questioned or approached because

I had rather ingeniously made my entrance at the hosting church riding upon a hastily borrowed bicycle.

Take my word: If you ever have a desire to not be taken seriously and consequently avoided like a plague of lunacy, you need only to appear to be a bicyclist, and it worked like a charm. Still though, I left disappointed little had changed, despite the proven occasional existence of common sense, and my buddy thought I needed cheering up, hence the movie.

For anyone that’s seen the first 10 minutes of Up, you’ll know it is not exactly a mood enhancer with or without four-to-five beers, but at least this was different.

And at least, I finally knew how many bullets I was allowed to use at work.

When officer Alexander D. Teach is not patrolling our fair city on the heels of the criminal element, he is an occasional student at UTC, an up and coming carpenter, auto mechanic, prominent boating enthusiast, and spends his spare time volunteering for the Boehm Birth Defects Center.

95.3 Pulse News www.chattanoogapulse.com 8.27.09 The Pulse

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Music Feature

River City Nights

By Hellcat

T

his summer has been pretty awesome as far as music goes. We’ve seen a lot of new local bands come together and find their niche or make their debut. We’ve also seen a new music-minded festivity gather strength, Riverfront Nights, which happens every Saturday in August and September. Nightfall, as per usual, has been going on strong throughout the summer heat, every Friday. Hopefully, as the weather is seemingly taking mercy on us, we will have a cooled-down evening of rock and roll this Friday.

I am becoming more and more impressed with the city’s efforts to provide us with music options. With Riverbend, Nightfall, WHO-Fest, and Riverfront Nights, along with the upcoming Culture Fest, we have so many options to choose from. Pretty much every genre is represented, from rap to folk, from world fusion to rock.

I am finding less and less to complain about, as we are starting to have it pretty good—not to mention the variety of excellent music that our local venues continue to crank out. I just wanted to point out the positive this week, as it seems to be a dying art in this stressful and suffocating economy.

On with the positive. Shotgun Party will be playing this week’s Nightfall series, and they are pretty amazing. They are from the city responsible from SXSW, which means, if they are making it in such a musically competitive town, (and they are) they must be impressive. They have taken bluesy swing and added a little bit of quirkiness and a little bit of an alternative update, but maintained the timeless purity of sound that has forced people onto dance floors for decades, backed up by a voice that rivals that of Carole King. They are considered to be western swing music, complete with a fiddle and an upright bass. I would call them: Worth watching.

There is nothing on this planet that gets me more pumped to see a

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show than an upright bass. Reverend Horton Heat and Cutthroat Shamrock are two shining examples of how great an upright bass can sound, and judging from what I have heard on the band’s web page, Andrew Austin-Petersen is no exception when it comes to talent. Beyond the bass, there is Jenny Parrott singing some pretty soulful tunes, and Katy Rose Cox on the fiddle. Give me two pretty ladies and an upright bass and you’ve got yourself a fan!

In all honesty, what I am really stoked to see is the dancing. Every week at Nightfall, regardless of what is playing, there are some loyal local dancers who will find a beat in just about anything and bust out some West Coast shag steps or some lindy hop. I love it. I used to teach swing dancing a few years back and there is simply nothing like it to lift a mood, especially paired with a mean bass line. I am hoping that Shotgun Party will bring out a sea of swing dancers and the whole plaza will be moving, spinning, and turning to their heart’s content. In fact, this is a call to arms, swingers. Bring your two-tones, your girl, and your moves, and come out to dance the night away this Friday!

Opening for Shotgun Party is Spatial Effects, a bluegrass band from Dalton with a humorous take on life. One of their songs is entitled, “Middle-Aged Fatty in a Little Speedo” which is filled with little gems, like this one: “In a teeny suit, walking down the beach thinking

he’s still cute.” It made me laugh more than once while listening, and anything that can do that deserves proper credit. For some reason, the show Hee Haw came to mind as a way to describe their humor. Don’t get me wrong—just because they choose to throw in some laughs doesn’t mean they are anything but seriously talented musicians. All five members hold pretty impressive resumes of award winning. So be sure to come out early and see them play at 7 p.m.

I am sure some of you are suspicious of this article by this point, as it is all in the positive. Well, you know me too well. I built you up, only to leave you with some sad news.

One of my favorite local bands will be breaking up after their upcoming Nightfall and Farewell shows, and going their separate ways. Coral Castles will be dismantling and moving on to different chapters of their lives. The lead singer, Aaron Robbs, will be leaving the city entirely and moving to Atlanta. Be sure and put it in your planner to come out and wish them well at Nightfall on September 19, with Dr. Dog. Support local music!

Shotgun Party with Spatial Effects Free 7 p.m.

Nightfall Concert Series Miller Plaza, 850 Market Street (423) 265-0771. www.downtownchattanooga.org

Music Calendar Friday

Thursday

Need to Breathe, Green River Ordinance, and Griffin House Need to Breathe takes the stage and rocks it with contemporary edge. $12 9 p.m.

Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com

Send your calendar events to us at calendar@chattanoogapulse.com

Lillies and Sparrows, Torches 7 p.m. The Warehouse, 5716 Rinngold Rd., East Ridge.

Reverie 8:30 p.m. Mudpie Restraunt, 12 Frazier Ave. (423) 267-9043.

Channing Wilson 9 p.m. Buds Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878.

DJC3 featuring members of Bitch Please, Headstache 9 p.m. The Low Down, 306 Cherokee Blvd. (423) 468-3593.

Do Ya Hear We, Alligato, Winslows, Fixins 9 p.m. Anarchtica, 621 Bell Ave. Nathan Farrow 9 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd, #202.

Gerle Haggard, Montana SlimString Band 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E.MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400.

The Vine Live: Kyle Tallman & Chris Perkins Dual EP Release Local favorites show off their new music and celebrate the new school year. $5 (or free with UTC ID) 8 p.m.

The Vine, 403 Oak Street.

(423) 596-3186

Saturday

Dana Rogers 8 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd, #202.

(423) 499-5055.

Grammy Award-winning R&B Group lights up for the Siskin Children’s Institute.

Stop-n-Stare 9 p.m. The Tin Can, 618 Georgia Ave. (423) 648-4360.

John Lanthaim 9 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixon Pike. (423) 266-1966.

Local Union, The Tammys 9 p.m. Riverhouse Pub, 224 Frazier Ave. (423) 752-0066.

Kelley and Keith 10 p.m. The Pickle Barrel, 1012 Market St. (423) 266-5699.

Baadmojo 10 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260.

Nappy Roots, ValleyBoy Entertainment 10 p.m. Midtown Music Hall, 818 Georgia Ave. (423) 752-1977.

Bangerz Talk, Drugmoney, DJ Bassel, Karma Koma, 420 Click 10 p.m. The Low Down, 306 Cherokee Blvd. (423) 468-3593.

Sunday With Faith or Flames, A Serpent Proclaimed 7 p.m. The Warehouse, 5716 Rinngold Rd., East Ridge.

BOYZ II MEN

Kathy Tugman Noon. Miller Plaza, 850 Market St. (423) 265-0771.

Between Two Seas, Axiom, Devil Trigger, In Day Light 7 p.m. The Warehouse, 5716 Rinngold Rd., East Ridge.

Sons of Cynics, Unspoken Triumph, Out of Body, Mushina 7 p.m. Club Fathom, 412 Market St. (423) 757-0019.

Shotgun Party, Spatial Effects 7 p.m. Miller Plaza, 850 Market St. (423) 265-0771.

Booker Scruggs Ensemble 8 p.m. Original Blue Orleans 3208 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 629-6538.

Thyme 8 p.m. Ziggy’s Hideaway, 607 Cherokee Blvd. (423) 634-1074.

Tee Bumpass 8:30 p.m. The Foundry, 1201 South Broad St. (423) 424-3775.

Doug Spears 8 p.m. Charles & Myrtle’s Coffeehouse, 105 McBrien Rd. (423) 892-4960.

Tee Bumpass 8:30 p.m. The Foundry, 1201 South Broad St. (423) 424-3775.

Barker Brothers, Slim Pickkins, Lou Wamp 11:30 a.m. First Tennessee Pavilion, 1829 Carter St.

Roger Alan Wade 9 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixon Pike. (423) 266-1966.

Summer Music weekends featuring New Binkley Brothers Noon. Rock City Gardens, 1400 Patten Rd., Lookout Mtn. GA. (706) 820-2531.

Toneharm 9 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260.

Chain Reaction: Journey Tribute 9:45 p.m. Midtown Music Hall, 818 Georgia Ave. (423) 752-1977.

Computer and Friends Rage the night away with local DJs—and don’t miss Machines are People Too.

Open Mic w/Jeff Daniels 4 p.m. Ms. Debbie’s Nightlife Lounge 4762 Highway 58, (423) 485-0966.

Slow Cars Slower Jets, The Tyrezz Project, Kross Rhodes 8 p.m. Club Fathom, 412 Market St. (423) 757-0019.

Cars Can Be Blue, Lovely Eggs 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E.MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400.

To Light a Fire, Tragic Flow 8 p.m. Ziggy’s Hideaway, 607 Cherokee Blvd. (423) 634-1074.

Velcro Pygmies 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644.

Tuesday

Wednesday

Monday Night Big Band 7 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com

The Ben Friberg Trio 7 p.m. Table 2, 232 E. 11th Street, (423) 756-8253. www.table2restaurant.com

Ben Friberg Jazz Trio 6:30 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market Street, (423) 634-0260.

DJ at The Palms 8 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd, #202.

(423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com

Billy Hopkins 8 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com

Tim Lewis 6 p.m. Big River Grille Hamilton Place, 2020 Hamilton place Blvd.

(423) 553-7723.

Open Mic with Mike McDade 9 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixon Pike. (423) 266-1966. www.tremonttavern.com

Johnston Brown 8 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd, #202.

(423) 499-5055.

Tristan 9 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E.MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400.

Uncle Billy and Friends 8 p.m. The Tin Can, 618 Georgia Ave. (423) 648-4360. www.thetincanchattanooga.com

The only acceptable way to contribute to global warming… bring the heat and dance your arse off with DJs Talk, Da Bangrz, DJ Bassell, DJ Drugmoney, Karma Koma and 420 Click.

If you haven’t been to the Low Down yet, go and see what you’re missing.

Cornmeal 9 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644.

Friday, August 28, $5, 10 p.m.- 3 a.m.

The Low Down, 306 Cherokee Blvd.

(423) 468-3593. www.myspace.com/thelowdownchatt

$100 6 p.m.

Chattanooga Convention Center, 1150 Carter St. (423) 756-0001. www.siskin.org

Monday

Hap and Jacks Open Mic 10 p.m. The Low Down, 306 Cherokee Blvd. (423) 468-3593. myspace.com/thelowdownchatt Fireside Lounge 4021 Hixson Pike, (423) 870-7078.

Lucky’s 2536 Cummings Highway, (423) 825-5145.

Rabidears 9 p.m. Buds Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com

$3 9 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E.MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia.

Irish Music 6:30 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixon Pike. (423) 266-1966.

Open Mic Gene’s Bar & Grill, 724 Ashland Terrace, (423) 870-0880.

Editor’s Pick: Featured Event Of The Week

Summer Gone but Not Forgotten

95.3 Pulse News www.chattanoogapulse.com 8.27.09 The Pulse

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New Music Reviews

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By Ernie Paik

Umbrella Tree

Killick’s Exsanguinette

The Letter C (Cephalopod)

…And the Creek Don’t Rise (Solponticello)

The Nashville trio Umbrella Tree might appear to be a band for children—its live performances have included puppet shows and onstage tea parties, its cover art looks like a page from a children’s storybook, and I have a hunch that its name might be taken from the kids’ TV show Under the Umbrella Tree. However, its latest album, The Letter C, casts a hazy, complicated mood within, with a theme of nautical uneasiness, words of wistful longing, songs in minor keys, and a few moments of R-rated anger. The amount of attention the band has put into this package is impressive; accompanying the 16-track CD is a DVD that contains videos (of the modestly homemade, no-budget, yet well-edited kind) for all songs, along with live footage and extra videos.

On an album with pop instrumentation, including prominent keyboard lines and tasteful cello flourishes, unexpectedly, the most distinctive element of the band’s sound is the drumming; Derek Pearson avoids common beat patterns, and the album is mixed to allow his cymbal crashes to very slowly dissolve, leaving a mist of mystery. Singers Zachary Gresham and Jillian Leigh alternate duties or blend together, and the softie in me is drawn to the more straightforward ballad-type numbers, like the hard-to-resist “Starfish,” tenderly carried by Leigh, over the album’s mildly off-kilter numbers.

The group’s approach is somewhere between rock and pop, and on The Letter C, it seems like the band doesn’t feel the need to take sides, which can be a little frustrating at times. To clarify, there are times when the ebb and flow of the album seem to need a liberating rock release, and at other times, one might want a pure, hook-laden pop song to carry the momentum. Overall with Umbrella Tree, there seems to also be a “cute” vs. “dark” battle, but on this effort, darkness definitely wins out.

The inimitable Athens, GA musician Killick plays what he calls “Appalachian Trance Metal,” frequently on his one-of-a-kind acoustic stringed instruments. Even though this is a fellow who has covered the entirety of Slayer’s album Reign in Blood, under his former name Erik Hinds, the “metal” aspect isn’t really apparent in his recordings. In his case, “metal” is often shorthand for “intense,” although his latest album, …And the Creek Don’t Rise, is perhaps the closest he’s come to living up to his self-imposed genre’s name. Killick has assembled a fearsome quartet, called Exsanguinette, and has outdone himself, with some of the most dizzyingly powerful music of his career.

Right from its opening track, the album unloads its sonic ninja sumo wrestlers, combining dexterity and quickness with a commanding heaviness. Most prominent is the drumming, which is supplied by Brann Dailor of the prog-metal Atlanta band Mastodon; his playing is monstrous yet precise, and he doesn’t hold back, unleashing a storm of softball-sized hail, in the form of quick bass drum beats. Saxophonist Larry Ochs, a member of the acclaimed Rova Saxophone Quartet, provides furiously unhinged outbursts, and kindred spirit and nonconformist Liz Allbee delivers charged trumpet bleats and disquieting high-frequency electronic sounds.

On the most chaotic numbers, Killick plays the cat-herder by letting fly whip cracks on his electric guitar or skronks along with the improv maelstrom.

The whole album is full of gloriously difficult listening, and the most challenging moments aren’t necessarily the ones that pummel. The relatively quiet “Hosannas” is a puzzling track, with gurgles, both real and synthetic, and smoldering animalistic snarls from Allbee, playing a conch shell.

The twelve-minute “Grasshopper Escapement” approaches slowly like a steamroller on the horizon, building volume and finally razing the area, with Killick bringing up the end with his distinctive, percussive fret board pitter-patters.

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local news and views

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Wine Cellar

Let’s Talk about Wine

By Vickie Hurley

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or the next 13 weeks, Riley’s Wine and Spirits on Hixson Pike in Hixson will pick some of our favorite wines, ports, scotches, bourbons, vodkas, rums, whiskeys, gins, tequilas, and other spirits to share with Pulse readers. Our staff is always eager to help in selecting wine for a dinner party or choosing a gift for someone special. We can help you impress your friends, family, or boss!

“Oak is evident to the nose, but well integrated with lifted fruits, dominated by plums and dark cherries overlaid with violets.”

This week’s featured wines were easy because they are two of my favorites. Since it has been hot, humid, and hazy, I chose Whitehaven Sauvignon Blanc 2006 and Whitehaven Pinot Noir 2005. Both are very good summer wines, and Wine Spectator magazine always rates these two very well, usually giving them ratings of 8892 out of a possible 100. This rating is very good but we highly recommend drinking what you like the way you like it. I like some wines with no rating and some that are highly rated. Some of my favorites are inexpensive—and some are expensive wines. Drink what you like!

Both picks this time are from Marlborough, New Zealand. The Sauvignon Blanc grapes

were selected from their “Greg” Sauvignon Blanc vineyard, which includes Tempello, Rothay and Taihoa, respectively located in the Brancott, Rapaura, and Kekerengu sub-regions.

This vintage (2008) was produced from a very early and warm spring, followed by a cold December and January and a warm and exceptionally dry ripening period. Their crops were light with small bunches and berries due to the poor flowering. Flavor intensity was excellent and acid levels moderate.

Harvest date for New Zealand wines is around March 30 to the middle of April. (California harvest time is September until mid-October.)

Sauvignon Blanc has a light straw color with lemon-lime tones. This wine is made to appreciate during the first 18 months from release. However, by carefully cellaring this wine it can age gracefully, but I would drink it now slightly chilled. Clearly well made, you’ll find it has some Chardonnay-like qualities, with a little white grapefruit.

This past weekend, my husband and I served this wine to our friends at our house before and with our salad and chicken picatta dinner. It was a huge success.

Whitehaven Sauvignon Blanc is recommended for any summer salad, shellfish, and is always good with oysters, green-shelled mussels, and lobster, as well as any white fish entrees, Whitehaven Pinot Noir is the other awardwinning wine we’ll talk about today. The grapes are hand harvested in the cool of the evening between March 31 and April 30. This Pinot Noir

displays vibrant, dark red and purple colors.

Oak is evident to the nose, but well integrated with lifted fruits, dominated by plums and dark cherries overlaid with violets. This wine will continue to improve over the next three years, but can be enjoyed right now. Enjoy this Pinot Noir with roast pork, venison, tuna or salmon.

Riley’s Great Buys of the Week: Whitehaven Sauvignon Blanc 2008, $13.96. Whitehaven Pinot Noir 2005, $21.58.

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Shades Of Green

Past, Present, and Future

By Elizabeth Crewnshaw

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“One of the most important factors in creating a sustainable urban area is having an invested community. We certainly have this on our side.”

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alfway through my senior year in college, I had only a vague idea of what I wanted to do and where I wanted to live.

I’d cast a wide net of hopeful applications and cover letters, scattered over half the nation and some European cities.

Not knowing where I was going to end up was exhilarating. It was also nerve wracking. There were only a few places I knew I didn’t want to live, but there were an infinite number of places I could end up. My only requirements for a job were that it allow me to work toward sustainability in some capacity—and not starve while I was at it.

When I was first introduced to Chattanooga, it was an “X” on a printed Google map outlining a road trip to Nashville. Over winter break, some friends and I decided to make a trip. I had never been to Tennessee, and was curious about what the state had to offer. Chattanooga in particular appealed to me. The first time I saw the city, I was just waking up. We were making our way down the Ridgecut in the dark. It was cold and clear, and below, I could see this beautiful, glowing. city, dotted with a multitude of lights, nestled in the mountains. I had never seen anything like it before.

“I think I could live some place like this,” I thought.

We arrived at a friend’s apartment downtown and I continued to be impressed. First, I noticed all the places within walking distance.

Overall, I was struck by the fact that though Chattanooga was similar in

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size to my hometown, with several similar resources, Chattanooga was so much further along. Both the Southern cities had downtowns in need of revitalization, and both started projects at about the same time. Chattanooga seemed totally transformed from the past that was described to me. To someone who had never heard that Chattanooga was once the most polluted city in the nation, the progress along the river seemed like a miracle. If one city could so diligently work toward solving environmental degradation, why not mine? Why not every city in the country?

I came back to Chattanooga a couple of times in my last semester of college. The city’s natural beauty became more evident as I took trips hiking on nearby trails with friends.

I found out that Chattanooga is a sought-after destination for outdoor sports, and it was easy to see why. The area lends itself to so many activities: rock climbing, camping, biking, trail running, canoeing, kayaking and more.

Watching so many people actively engaging with the local environment, so many people valuing the outdoors, I thought, “This place must have a strong environmental conscience.”

After making the move here after graduation and starting a job, I found that Chattanooga does have an environmental community. Many people in the area are aware of local environmental issues and action is building on several fronts.

Since I have lived in Chattanooga, I have heard its amazing environmental success story many times. The city’s journey from the most polluted to one to one of the more healthy cities in the country is inspiring. I

know that we can take this story to the next level; we can build on the vision of those who took us from that embarrassing statistic to where we are today. The greatest resource Chattanooga has is its citizens. I’ve heard that Chattanooga has more nonprofits per resident than any other city in the nation. I have not verified this, but I can believe it. The amount of time locals put into giving back is astounding.

One of the most important factors in creating a sustainable urban area is having an invested community. We certainly have this on our side. There are a lot of great ideas circulating here.

There are quite a few dedicated people working toward making these ideas a reality. And local reporters, working for media like The Pulse, are making sure that the community is aware of environmental issues and how they are being handled. Chattanooga is lucky have such media outlets asking tough questions and making sure answers are sought. I have been fortunate to write for The Pulse on a regular basis and have my columns sit side-by-side with some awesome work.

After this week, a great writer with passion for environmental issues, Victoria Hurst, will be taking over this column. I look forward to reading her pieces and continuing to work toward sustainability in Chattanooga. There is so much to do, so many things to improve. I am excited, energized by the city’s past accomplishments and eager to build on that success. I am invested now; this is home.

Elizabeth Crenshaw is LEED accredited and works for EPB in Strategic Planning, but her views are her own. Originally from South Carolina, Elizabeth moved to Chattanooga after graduating from Warren Wilson College in 2007.

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The Mystical Dude's Horoscopes Virgo (August 23-September 22): Adjust any overriding passions to instead seek more imaginative spiritual intimacy. Don’t upset yourself by losing control around a relationship issue you’ve kept secret. It’s a good time to look within to core relationship requirements that help evaluate your true value system. The pressure’s on to attain your future objectives, which is difficult when a partner is consistently erratic and unreliable. Your earnings for the work you do becomes a focus Tuesday—you don’t have to make a decision yet. Self-confidence comes up again Wednesday; it’s more important to redefine yourself in your own terms right now.

Libra (September 23-October 22): Good times with friends will distract you from overpowering and intense feelings for home and family roots. If you present your ideas in a charming way, you’ll draw a group closer to you and help create more love and superior feelings that you’re doing the right thing. The overall picture sees you getting more ambitious to push forward, though try to avoid too much emotion. Tuesday sees you having to rationalize your children’s actions. Just be willing to listen to all sides. Wednesday has a well-meaning friend question why you are giving up so much of what you worked for before.

Scorpio (October 23-November 21): A temporary wave of pleasure and enjoyment from your career is redirected toward the continuous transformation of your thoughts and the gradual empowerment of your mind and perceptions. People ask you questions that are easy to field off; truth is, they’re admirers! Some of the resulting thoughts you are having would be best kept to yourself. Tuesday sees you having to get more organized with domestics and a little indecisive; it’s all right to understand more than you wish to divulge.

Wednesday, hardworking associates feel hard done by that you’re getting preferential treatment from the boss. It’s their turn soon.

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21): Your love of travel and freedom attitude needs adjusting to fit the changes that are happening to your money and savings, leading you to question what things are worth. Helping friends with rational ideas on how you see the world and politics brings you closer together and looking forward to the future. Overall, you’re feeling growing pressure to make powerful changes in how you earn money that fits in with a relationship plan. Open debate brings up interesting topics but not decisions on Tuesday. On Wednesday, avoid showing off too much optimism and enthusiasm to an ever-watchful authority figure.

Capricorn (December 22-January 19): Pleasantries exchanged over shared financial issues are diverted by your powerful self-presentation and need to be in control. Speaking with charm and harmony to those in important positions will help you make the creative changes you’ve been wanting. By Tuesday, you’ve persuaded influential figures to help you expand, though the final decision won’t happen yet. Overall practical flexibility and the recognition that you need to be of service helps things along, especially on Wednesday, when a partner is acting decidedly unsure about how to restructure the overall plan. Their independent and assertive notions are too emotionally involved for the subject matter concerned.

Aquarius (January 20-February 18): Your partner’s good intentions and willingness to improve are diverted by you letting go of old patterns. If you’re stick-in–the–mud and stubborn, you miss the good links and suggestions that will help, so why not go with their ideas? Good things could happen as a result! Your recent hard work brings reward and helpful offers to expand, as people understand your approach, though things won’t be apparent at first. Keep a flexible attitude toward resources and on Wednesday you’ll see how your partner is motivated to change the rules so you can learn how to develop a business mind.

Pisces (February 19-March 20): The enjoyment and pleasure you get from routines and a daily work schedule could be easily diverted

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by a compulsive friend who urges you to change your plans. On the whole, you can see ways of getting on better with co-workers through balanced appreciation and consideration of financial possibilities. At the same time, reading a good book about health and dieting brings changes that are easy to do. The overall picture sees you focusing on business partnership and being flexible toward initiative, taking logically presented ideas. It’s not time to make decisions yet, but on Wednesday you’ll want to draw the line somewhere.

Aries (March 21- April 19): You feel brighter when you express your love of life in a fun way, but troubled by how the professional sphere sees you. Rather than rush things, harmonize thoughts and speech, particularly with loved ones. The urge is to ferret out a career and ambition, which you’ll persevere at, just don’t get overemotional—especially with current homebased issues. Monday and Tuesday, make efforts to balance out your thoughts and talk things through with a partner about a working role that suits you; Wednesday, your spirit and zest are challenged by depressed co-workers, so keep the good vibes alive!

Taurus (April 20-May 20): Keep separate the pleasure of home life from overpowering feelings associated with learning, traveling and your changing worldly viewpoint. However, transposing the love of domesticity with spreading kind words at work is a good idea; co-workers will enjoy hearing stories. The pressure is on to do a lot of learning and courses to improve your skills and thus move forward in life; the answer lies in being creatively flexible and not setting too hard a routine. On Monday and Tuesday, listen to new ideas and shape your world around them. Wednesday: Lying back and relaxing has to be replaced with children-oriented duties.

Gemini (May 21-June 20): Speaking dramatically is pleasurable, fun to do and attracts people to you; can you convert it to a source of money? Something successfully big is on the horizon but don’t mistake what it is and take money risks or gamble. Integrate the possibilities with a calm, peaceful mind, which will help you define your creative project; a sibling will be helpful. Monday and Tuesday: Test out your ideas with people around you to see if your perspective fits in.

On Wednesday, charming interactions and fun talk with people close by gets tested by a bleak domestic situation: Brighten everything up!

Cancer (June 21-July 22): Everything has a price tag, especially the stuff you’re really attracted to! So when a partner convinces you to look for bargains instead, talk of improving home life and making a more beautiful dwelling looks possible as you check available funds and balance the budget. Conversations round the kitchen table feature all week as you juggle whether to be individually assertive and let go or hang on.

Of prime importance to you is the issue of leadership. A flexible mind is the answer and Tuesday brings the bills in leading you to Wednesday’s slight retraction of the original larger plans.

Leo (July 23-August 22): Magnanimous self-presentation with dramatic flare is called for, yet you’re redirected toward acting more humble than you’d like in order to focus on skills and technique. You’ll learn a pleasing and charming approach helps you have successful conversations with people close to you. An important call to a sibling goes well. The bigger issue is about working behind the scenes to spread a network of communications. On Thursday a partner is motivated to step in and assist in making decisions where you previously felt a stalemate. Wednesday, you’re tested for your value: Do you think you’re worth more?

Julian Venables is a British astrologer whose worldwide travels bought him to Chattanooga.

Email themysticaldude@gmail.com for a personal consultation. Visit www.mysticaldude.com to discover more about the local astrology group, classes and the free podcast on iTunes!

JONESIN’

By Matt Jones

“From A to B” –it's a short trip.

Across 1 Make a groove 5 It’s high part of the time 9 They may be housebroken 13 “Julie & Julia” director Ephron 14 Kimono sashes 15 Stares in astonishment 16 Moral dilemmas, so to speak 18 How cold drinks are kept 19 Western carriage for a former Virginia governor?

21 It may get smashed 22 Farmer’s sci.

23 Raptor’s claw 25 Took off the truck 30 “ER” actor Noah 31 “Wow, it stinks like a spoiled kid in here”?

33 Mode preceders 34 Vigoda who’s still alive 35 Hot time in Quebec 36 Device that takes pictures of poetic metric units?

41 “You look fiiiine!”

42 Plastic bottle size 43 “___ to?”

45 Veinte divided by veinte 46 Hibernation place

47 Snoozes, online journal-style, to Tonto?

54 Novelist Potok 55 Right away 56 Vocal Apple 57 Uncredited credit, in quotes 58 “Love, Save the Empty” singer McCarley 59 Wine container 60 Fuzzy green stuff 61 It’s used to return mail: abbr.

Down 1 One of the Es in E.E.: abbr.

2 Riding mower brand 3 Louie meat 4 Block in a loft 5 Dessert at an Italian restaurant 6 Letter-shaped steel girder 7 TV screen measurement, for short 8 ___ quam videri (North Carolina state motto) 9 ___ Games (2011 sporting event in Doha, Qatar) 10 Huge movie 11 Part of MIT: abbr.

12 One way to go: abbr.

15 10 to the 100th power 17 Concerning 20 Get ahold of

23 All-Pro cornerback signed twice to the New York Jets 24 San Antonio site 25 Retired “raw” Crayola shade 26 ___-do-well 27 Dismal, to a poet 28 “Suck it!”

29 Edge square in Battleship 30 “Hold up!”

32 Matching 37 Signature makeup, perhaps 38 Picture house 39 Resting upon 40 Gets up 41 Horse races 44 Hastened 46 Prom night rentals 47 “Eagle Eye” actor LaBeouf 48 Country that becomes its official language when you drop the final letter 49 Thailand, once 50 They lead to P 51 Actress ___ Flynn Boyle 52 Spunkmeyer of the cookie world 53 Ace and Peter’s bandmate 54 Ozone layer pollutant: abbr..

©2009 Jonesin’ Crosswords (editor@jonesincrosswords.com) For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle #0428

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Ask A Mexican

Special Two-Liners Edition

By Gusatvo Arellano themexican@askamexican.net

“Ignorancebusting is a muy bueno career and written patadas beat physical cachetadas (use a SpanishEnglish dictionary, gabachos) in any era.”

Dear Mexican, A gabacho in the local daily suggested that some of our prisons be outsourced to Mexico to save us some money.

What are your thoughts? Would wabs make for good guards looking after homies and white-trash inmates? Have a chew on that taco.

— Mike the Mick from Missouri Dear Mick, My thoughts? Ew…a Missouri taco.

Dear Mexican, I’m planning to do some landscaping at my farm and wanted to know: is it better to hire the Mexicans looking for work who wait at Lowes or the ones who wait at Home Depot? Which ones will do the best work?

— Farmer Baboso Dear Gabacho, Neither. Try the ones at the local union, so a farmer can pay a nonexploitative wage to Mexicans for once.

Dear Mexican, I was recently at a Mexican beach where people kept coming up trying to sell me jewelry, key chains, timeshare condos, and all kinds of other shit I didn’t want. What I wanted was a joint. Virtually everyone I asked told me he’d go see his cousin and would be back in an hour. None of them ever came back. What happened?

— Sombrero Jones Dear Gabacho, They left for los Estados Unidos.

Figured all Americans are as pendejo as you.

Dear Mexican, How I do I explain a dead Mexican in my bed? Moments before, he was alive and muy caliente. But when I mentioned matrimonio, he stopped and looked at me with wide eyes.

Then, that was it. El fin, like it says at the end of an old Mexican movie with Pedro Infante. Is this how Mexican lovers normally react?

— Sonriendo gringa en Tucson Dear Smiling Gabacha, The reaction you describe is endemic to all guys, not just wabs. No, the standard Mexican hombres coitus finish is spilled horchata, a satiated chica, and a new soldier for the Reconquista.

Dear Mexican, What is it with Mexicans and shoes?

Or is it Mexicans and shoe stores? Is it a Mexican-national thing only or are Mexican-Americans enamordos con zapatos y zapaterías, también?

Here’s a story: my sis-in-law had a baby shower for her first baby and her cousin-in-law, a Mexican national from Tijuana, gave her and her bebe SHOES—stiff, shiny, leather (plastic?)

SHOES—even though the little guy was a good 8-10 months away from starting to walk. What’s going on here?

— Zapato-liking-but-not-loving gringo Dear Gabacho, We like shoes! They help us kick gabacho ass, flee gabachos, climb over them for jobs, stomp on their illusions of a monolingual America, jump over their walls and teach good posture for all of the above acciones.

Dear Mexican, What is it with Mexicans, beer, LOUD

music, and prepaid phone cards?

Every day, they buy a five-dollar phone card that they say are using to call Mexico, but I know those cards have five-plus hours on them. Is that what they do all day after getting drunk from cheap beer? I lived in a once-quiet and peaceful Asian and Anglo-Saxon neighborhood, but after 10 Mexicans moved into one of the houses, I have been up all night into ungodly hours.

— Raccoon Eyes Dear Gabacha, Those Mexicans are courting you.

And, judging by your intimate knowledge of your neighbors’ phone use, it’s working!

Dear Mexican, Don’t you get tired of answering these ignorant questions and somehow becoming the voice of all MexicanAmericans, because Lord knows you guys are ALL the same (just a hint of sarcasm there)? I understand that if you didn’t set a few people straight they’d never know and they’d continue to wallow around in their ignorance, but don’t you just want to slap them?

Maybe a little bit? Just to get it out of your system?

— Curioso Caucasian Dear Gabacho, No on all counts. Ignorance-busting is a muy bueno career and written patadas beat physical cachetadas (use a Spanish-English dictionary, gabachos) in any era.

Ask the Mexican at themexican@ askamexican.net, myspace.com/ocwab, find him on Facebook, Twitter, or write via snail mail at: Gustavo Arellano, P.O. Box 1433, Anaheim, CA 92815-1433

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The Pulse Real Estate Guide

To list your Residential or Commercial Real Estate, Contact Rhonda Rollins at (423) 242-7680