The Pulse, Vol. 6, Issue 21

SCHOOL BUDGET ANSWERS • REWARDING CREATIVITY

by Alex Teach

FREE

May 21-27, 2009 Volume 6 • Issue 21

CONTENTS T H E P U L S E • C H A T T A N O O G A , T E N N E S S E E • M AY 2 1 - 2 7 , 2 0 0 9 • V O L U M E 6 , I S S U E 2 1

COVER STORY

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NEWS & VIEWS 5 PULSE BEATS

21 SHADES OF GREEN

The newsy, notable and notorious.

Light bulbs are no joking matter.

14 SHRINK RAP

29 ASK A MEXICAN

A vacation in spirit.

Yo ho ho and a bottle of tequila!

19 LIFE IN THE ‘NOOG The summertime blues.

ARTS & CULTURE 16 ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT By Hellcat It’s the festival season and we all know how much I like festivals! Break out the SPF, people, because it’s time to rock the parks and play along the river!

20 FILM FEATURE

By Phillip Johnston One gets the impression that novelist Dan Brown enjoys dabbling in extremes.

His novels have included anything from government cover-ups, to anti-matter particles, to the Illuminati.

22 MUSIC FEATURE

By Erica Tuggle Last summer, with a few demos under his belt, Douglass “Dug” Garnett began advertising for other musicians to see if his ideas could be put into a band. After a few line-up changes and much tinkering, RaBiDeArS was born.

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By Hellcat Most of you are familiar with Jason Isbell due to his Drive by Truckers fame. This trucker went solo and has now ended up with a group of crazy people. I say that only because the band he now plays with is called the 400 Unit.

Cover design by Damien Power

THE PRICE OF VICE: 2009

By Alex Teach What is “Vice”? For the purposes of this article, Vice will cover the going rates in the arenas of drugs, gambling, and prostitution in the Chattanooga area. As a cop, I am an anomaly in that I do what most other cops do not do after 15 years of service: despite my seniority, I work the midnight shift. Corporate America knows only one third of the day and the other two thirds are left to hacks like me, and—dare I say—people such as you.

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EDITOON LETTERS TO THE EDITOR CITY COUNCILSCOPE THE LIST POLICE BLOTTER CHATTANOOGA STREET SCENES

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NEWS FEATURE A&E CALENDAR NEW MUSIC REVIEWS MUSIC CALENDAR FREE WILL ASTROLOGY JONESIN’ CROSSWORD

The entire contents of this publication are copyrighted and property of Brewer Media Group.

No part of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the express written consent of the publishers. The Pulse utilizes freelance writers and the views expressed within this publication are not necessarily the views of the publishers or editors. The Pulse takes no responsibility for unsolicited manuscripts, photographs, artwork or other materials.

The

Editoon

by Rick Baldwin

Publisher Zachary Cooper zcooper@chattanoogapulse.com Contributing Editor Janis Hashe jhashe@chattanoogapulse.com News Editor/Art Director Gary Poole gpoole@chattanoogapulse.com Calendar Editor Stephanie Smith ssmith@chattanoogapulse.com Advertising Sales Rick Leavell rleavell@chattanoogapulse.com Editorial Intern Erica Tuggle etuggle@chattanoogapulse.com Contributing Writers Gustavo Arellano, Blythe Bailey Misty Brandon, Rob Brezsny Aaron Collier, Elizabeth Crenshaw Chuck Crowder, Michael Crumb Rebecca Cruz, Hellcat Phillip Johnston, Matt Jones Rachael Kraemer, Jeremy Lawrence Louis Lee, Ernie Paik Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D. Damien Power, Stephanie Smith Alex Teach, Robert Yates Art Department Sharon Chambers Kelly Lockhart Damien Power Alisha Whalen

Letters to the Editor means “son of”, e.g., Ruiz is son of Ru. I found all of this out recently, but it goes to show the nature of the Mexican–Latin American–melting pot.

Very cool indeed. Viva Mexico!

El Moro Loco Chattanooga

Editorial Cartoonist Rick Baldwin Staff Photographer Damien Power Contributing Photographers Bob Edens Ray Soldano Todd Staley

Where’s Dr. Rick?

While I never begrudge anyone some time off, I have to wonder when Dr. Rick will return. I look forward to his column every week in The Pulse, and even though I enjoy his “best of” columns, it’s still not the same.

Eric Malone Hixson

Contact Info: Phone (423) 648-7857 Fax (423) 648-7860 E-mail info@chattanoogapulse.com Advertising advertising@chattanoogapulse.com Calendar Listings calendar@chattanoogapulse.com The Pulse is published weekly and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publishers may take more than one copy per weekly issue. The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors.

The Pulse is published by

1305 Carter Street Chattanooga, Tennessee 37402 phone (423) 648-7857 fax (423) 648-7860 Letters to the editor must include name, address and daytime phone number for verification. The Pulse reserves the right to edit letters for space and clarity. Please keep letters within 500 words in length.

The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on culture, the arts, entertainment and local news.

Member

Mexican Arab Chattanoogan I am a U.S. born Mexican as well [“Meet the Moors of Mexico”, Ask A Mexican]. My family is from Michoacan. The ethnicities I know that I am are: Purepeche Indian, Spanish, Italian, French, and Arabic.

The Arab is all in the eyebrows. In short there is a very strong vein of Arab blood in Mexico. A lot of it is from the previously mentioned immigration, but a lot from the Moors—what today would be called Moroccan. Any Spanish name that ends in “-iz” is Arab, like Ruiz. It

In last week’s letter column, Ofc. Teach was asked “Do you really care if I knew how fast I was going?”, in response to “The Reader Questions Column, Volume One”.

Officer Teach Responds While I feel I should wait until Vol. 2 or 3, the answer may be a surprising “yes”. It isn’t necessary, but I actually do wonder “What You Were Thinking” when I rein you in on the side of a roadway, because I provide such amazing leniency before pulling you over. Less than 20 mph over is a

waste of my time more often than not, and when you have done more than that in front of (or better yet past) a marked patrol car, I think the question is a valid one. Part of that is asking the most obvious question…”Do You Know How Fast You Were Going?”.

By that point, your answer doesn’t factor into whether or not you are getting cited—that is a foregone conclusion. I am simply factoring in whether or not you are intoxicated or possibly mentally unhinged at which point a Signature simply won’t do.

Alex Teach Chattanooga Bring Back Recycling The city’s landfill is a major source of greenhouse gases and we all need to stop Mayor Littlefield’s increase of the city’s landfill volume and decrease of recycling volume.

The four recycling centers cost the taxpayers of Chattanooga $433,000 a year, which recycled less (1364 tons) than one percent of the 192,000 tons of Birchwood landfill waste in 2007. This represents $340 a ton for recycling, while curbside recycling cost only $25 a ton ($90/ton for recyclables, not landfill fees).

Frank DePinto Chattanooga

Send all letters to the editor and questions to info@chattanoogapulse.com We reserve the right to edit letters for content and space. Please include your full name, city and contact information.

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Pulse Beats

Quote Of The Week: A rundown of the newsy, the notable, and the notorious...

“There are number of questions and a number of people who want to address this issue before the Council brings it to a vote, and we need to give everyone a chance to speak first.”

— City Councilmember Carol Berz, on why the nightclub ordinance vote was postponed for two weeks.

CreateHere Awards More Than $300,000 in MakeWork Grants A driving force behind the renaissance of the city over the past decade from an arts standpoint has been the ever-increasing number of creative people who have made Chattanooga their home. Many of these artists have moved here to take advantage of the creative artistic environment, while others who have lived here for some time have set aside former careers to focus on their creative efforts.

One of the ways many of these people have been able to pursue their creative dreams has been with the help of MakeWork grants. Last week, the folks at CreateHere announced the awarding of new grants to 34 Chattanooga “creatives” (as they like to call them).

The grant monies, a total of $301,226, was nearly double the initially planned total, due in large part to generous support from the Benwood and Lyndhurst foundations.

In economic hard times, conventional wisdom tells us that creative individuals and enterprises take the deepest cuts; that creative work is, in fact, a dispensable luxury. The folks at CreateHere couldn’t disagree more. They believe the arts are essential to developing and maintaining healthy local economies and have worked with the various foundations that call the city home to bring attention to a number of vibrant, creative people and ideas.

Case in point: In 2008, CreateHere awarded a MakeWork grant to Nick DuPey, a local graphic designer, to help in the opening of Young Monster. This screen-printing shop and design thinktank provides printing and consultation for local musicians, and already the economic impact has been multitiered, with musicians and designers making a real income off hand-made, locally produced goods.

Stories like Nick’s inspire us all, whether we are artists or merely appreciate the benefits to society that good art creates. What is most surprising, beyond the near doubling of the projected grant funding, was the nearly $1.3 million in requests received by CreateHere this year. Officials with the organization said that each application was “uniquely Chattanoogan”, with potentially enormous economic impli-

Here is one of the more interesting agenda items set to be discussed at the May 26 meeting of the Chattanooga City Council.

5. Ordinances - Final Reading: a) An ordinance to amend Chattanooga City Code, Part II, Chapter 2, by adding a new Article XIV to establish an Audit Committee and procedures for the City Council Auditor.

cations and recognition that local creatives were more productive than even they thought possible.

Where there is a need, there is certainly a way. Support from local foundations, plus the addition of $4,575 in application fees to the grant purse, made CreateHere’s vision to build Chattanooga’s cultural economy a reality through MakeWork.

Their economic stimulus package

gives local creatives the ability to pursue projects and advance their careers, and make real waves in Chattanooga’s economy.

Far from being a burden on society, as many of our more short-sighted politicians would have people believe, artists help to expand both the economy and the quality of life that makes Chattanooga one of the brighter community success stories in the country.

Downside To The Heavy Rains After several years of drought conditions, the Tennessee Valley has seen a near deluge of rainfall over the past several weeks, which has seen the various TVA reservoirs filled to near capacity and the various rivers and tributaries at high water levels.

And while the increased rainfall has definitely helped to alleviate short-range water shortage concerns, it also brings with it an unwelcome side effect: more bugs. Specifically, more mosquitoes and more ticks, which can lead to serious health problems for those who are not prepared.

Household insect specialist Dr. Brian Forschler explains that the recent heavy rains are encouraging the rebound of the insect population in the state of Tennessee. They had been on the decline over the last few years because of drought in the region, but are expected to rebound strongly this summer. Not only that, but the more aggressive species of mosquitoes will be more common and ticks likely will be what Dr. Abelardo Moncayo called more “adventurous.”

The two experts also note that gardeners are going to be faced with some unwelcome guests as well, and there will also be a lot of millipedes, ants, earwigs and other invasive pets, which will make gardening that much more challenging this year.

The best protection when venturing outside during the summer months is to invest in the appropriate clothing (hats are especially useful when hiking to combat ticks) and take advantage of the many effective mosquito repellents sprays, ointments, belt clips and candles.

6. Ordinances – First Reading: a) An ordinance to amend Chattanooga City Code, Part II, Chapter 38, Zoning Ordinance, Section 38-2, Section 38-185, and Section 38-527, relative to the regulation of nightclubs. (Deferred from May 12, 2009, agenda.)

This is busy week for the council, as they address two of the more controversial issues they’ve been dealing with in recent months. First, there is the end result of months of work and debate and controversy and even some conflict between the council and the mayor’s office over the position of city council auditor.

At issue is whether the current system of auditing city expenditures, run out of city hall under the supervision of the mayor, is acceptable to council members. The issue had been pushed in large part by several now-former members of the council, so it will be interesting to see if the new ordinance makes it into law.

The second issue is the deferred ordinance that would regulate nightclubs in the city as well as establishing a 1,000-foot exclusion zone that would prevent any new nightclubs and similar establishments from opening near a residential area. The ordinance was delayed for two weeks so that the council’s Legal and Legislative Committee could look into the proposal as well as giving supporters and opponents of the new measure a chance to have their say before the council.

The Chattanooga City Council meets each Tuesday at 6 p.m. in the City Council Building at 1000 Lindsay St. For more information on the agendas, visit www.Chattanooga.gov/City_ Council/110_Agenda.asp

www.chattanoogapulse.com 5.21.09 The Pulse

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A weekly roundup of the newsworthy, notable and often head-scratching stories gleaned from police reports from the Chattanooga Police Department, the Hamilton County Sheriff’s Office, the Bradley County Sheriff’s Department and the Dalton Police Department.

Top Ten Best Selling Hand Tools 1. Leatherman 830850 Skeletool CX Multitool 2. Denali 22-Piece Screwdriver Set, Cushion Grip 3. Leatherman 934870 40 Bit Assortment with Nylon Sheath 4. Leatherman 830039 New Wave Multitool with Leather Sheath 5. KINTREX IRT0421 NonContact Infrared Thermometer with Laser Targeting 6. Leatherman 830684 Charge TTi with Leather Sheath

• An alert employee at the recycling center on North Access Road called police after discovering something rather disturbing in the dropoff bins. No, it wasn’t a body (this isn’t an episode of CSI, after all), but what it was was almost as disturbing: a large collection of private medical and financial records. Officers quickly gathered up all of the documents and had them transported to a secure location to keep anyone from gaining possession of the personal information, and have launched an investigation into where the records came from and who decided it would be easier to dump them at a recycling center instead of disposing of them properly.

• Once again, one has to wonder if drug kingpins might want to

7. Silverhill Triwing Y Screwdriver for Nintendo Products Including Wii 8. Simco Stainless Steel Pick Set, 12Pc 9. Milwaukee 2300-20 M-Spector Digital Inspection Camera 10. Leatherman 934850 QuickRelease Pocket Clip and Lanyard Ring An old American saying states the only difference between men and boys is the size of their shirts and the price of their toys. And while The List feels as filled with testosterone as any other toolloving American male with a house in the ‘burbs, it must be admitted that a number of the tools on the above list were a discovery.

A discovery that has resulted in The List’s wallet getting a bit lighter…because once you learn about the existence of a NonContact Infrared Thermometer with Laser Targeting, it simply must be had.

Source: www.bestsellingtools.com

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start sending their couriers to driving school before sending them on a transportation run. The latest case of bad driving resulting in a big drug bust comes courtesy of the Bradley County Sheriff’s Department, where detectives confiscated nearly 50 pounds of marijuana during a routine traffic stop last week. Officers stopped a car for “driving in an unsafe manner” and noticed marijuana in plain view when they approached the vehicle. The street value of the drug was estimated to be near $100,000, making this a very expensive driving mistake.

• One would think that a tree-trimming service would notice a rather large truck underneath the trees they were cutting. In the case of a Royal Drive homeowner, one would be mistaken. The resident, who sleeps during the day due to a night job, awoke to discover his truck covered in limbs and branches in the middle of a pile

Chattanooga Street Scenes

of wood chips. A local tree service company had been trimming his neighbor’s trees, but had apparently not noticed the man’s truck. He estimated the damage to be nearly $800 and sought police help in contacting the tree service to get restitution for the damages.

• Everyone by now knows that police work can at times be highly dangerous. What is not as well known is that it can often be very, very odd.

Such was the case when police were called out to a Chamberlain Avenue residence to deal with a most unusual complaint. A woman told the responding officers that she had found a glass filled with bacon and beans on the floor of her house. She claimed that this was a direct sign that a man was “coming into her life” and wanted officers to be aware of the coming change. After calming the woman down, officers noted on the report that she was a “very mental person”.

Photo by Ray Soldano • www.raysoldano.com

Enjoying the day on Dallas Bay.

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NewsFeature

by Gary Poole

Dr. Scales Responds To Thurman School Budget Questions I

n last week’s issue of The Pulse, we printed an open letter from Hamilton County School Board member Rhonda Thurman. She had a number of questions about the recently passed school budget, and felt that she needed to go through the media in order to get a response from Superintendent Jim Scales, as well as to let citizens know about her concerns.

Dr. Scales immediately responded to her open letter with an open memo of his own, addressing each of her questions. The responses went into some detail on each of her budget questions, which Thurman appreciates, although she says she is still not happy with many of the answers and feels that there still needs to be much more transparency in the spending decisions made by the school system.

“[Thurman] is still not happy with many of the answers and feels that there still needs to be much more transparency in the spending decisions made by the school system.”

On her first question, about whether a $600,000 increase in transportation costs included continued transportation to Sequoyah High School for students outside the Soddy-Daisy School zone, Dr. Scales answered, “The $600,000

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increase in the transportation budget covers the projected increase in the rates paid to the third party transportation company in accordance with the approved contract, as well as two additional routes. The budget anticipates that the current transportation services provided to the students of Sequoyah High School will continue.”

As to whether the budget item includes taking into account the extra buses needed to change the Sequoyah starting time to the same as SoddyDaisy High School so the students at Sequoyah can participate in sports, band and clubs at Soddy-Dais, Scales says that budget does not in fact anticipate a change in the starting time of Sequoyah High School. “If the starting time were to change, the Transportation Department will need to review the applicable routes to determine if any additional buses might be needed,” he noted.

Another questions Thurman had, in relation to Sequoyah High School, was why the principal was removed from his position and if that position is still there and vacant. According to Dr. Scales, the principal of Sequoyah was asked to take the principalship at Ooltewah High School that was being vacated due to the retirement of the current principal.

“Ooltewah is one of the two largest high schools in the district, so I wanted to place an experienced principal in the position that will be vacant at the end of the 2008-2009 school year. The principal of Sequoyah is one of the most experienced administrators in the district. The Sequoyah principal decided to retire rather than be moved to Ooltewah High School,” Scales explained.

One question that has perplexed a number of people, not just Thurman, is why an “Executive Principal” position was created. Dr. Scales said the position is in the Memorandum of Agreement in Appendix B, but did not comment any further on the reasoning behind the position being created in the first place and why the school system needs an Executive Principal.

NewsFeature “The Executive Principal position was created a few years ago at Howard High,” Thurman said. “Elaine Swofford was brought over from Chattanooga State and given the position. She is the sister of Ray Swofford, who is an administrator in our central office, and she was given a salary that is higher than any other principal in the system. I still don’t know why that position exists.”

Another major point Thurman addressed concerned irregularities with several employees who were given rather substantial raises without the board being informed or being allowed to approve the raises. One specific case involved an individual, a previous employee of the school district, who had resigned and then was hired back at a much higher salary.

Dr. Scales explained that the individual, who worked in the information systems group, was hired back because the manager of the group wasn’t able to find someone in the department to take over the programming duties. When he was rehired, he moved from Grade 30, Step 09 to Grade 33, Step 25, a salary increase of $23,788.38 a year.

“Two other individuals who performed similar duties to those being assumed when the individual was rehired needed to have their salary adjusted in order to ensure that everyone was being treated in a fair and equitable manner,” Scales explained.

“These two individuals saw their salaries increase by $5,212.55 or 7.02% and $7,440.23 or 10.34% respectively.”

However, what concerns Thurman quite a bit

Hamilton School Board member Rhoinda Thurman explains her question on 95.3 Pulse News. Photo by Damien Power.

is the fact the neither of these adjustments was brought to the school board for approval. Dr. Scales says that was due simply to some confusion at the time as to whether they needed to be brought before the board. “Today, it is the opinion of the administration that each of these adjustments would

require school board approval before they could be instituted,” he now acknowledges.

The Pulse has been furnished a complete copy of the memo from Superintendent Scales, which we have published in its entirety on our web site at www.chattanoogapulse.com in the PulseBlog.

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The Price OF Vice A monetary look inside the dark underbelly of Chattanooga.

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By Alex Teach

Cover Story

Ladies andd gentlemen, gen I need to get a few thingss straight, and prepare

yourself to vomit: Your author is an inner-city cop. I am a Pig at my best and a columnist (among other things) at my worst, and it is with this preface that I begin my article on the “Price of Vice” in the city of Chattanooga.

This is a bit of a wicked departure for me, because all I ever expected to offer this edgy periodical (declared as such because of the inherent guts it takes to take on a genuine, bona fide, knuckle-dragging jack-booted thug like myself as a genuine columnist) was a place to vent and amuse on occasion, but like many of my assignments in the “other job”, I have been tasked with addressing a real story based on real events that affect real people. I was approached initially with gathering intel on the topic, and I did not flinch.

But when this information blossomed into more than the company anticipated, I was thrust into a larger literary light.

What is “Vice”? For the purposes of this article, Vice will cover the going rates in the arenas of drugs, gambling, and prostitution in the Chattanooga area.

As a cop, I am an anomaly in that I do what most other cops do not do after 15 years of service: despite my seniority, I work the midnight shift. Corporate America knows only one third of the day and the other two thirds are left to hacks like me, and—dare I say—people such as you. Do not be ashamed! As it turns out, it isn’t the average American that buys crank by the handful before soliciting the wares of a 20-something prostitute for an afternoon at an hourly motel or in the back of a family minivan. If this isn’t

you, there’s no reason you shouldn’t be curious about the cost of such. Chattanooga is a part of the “real world” and you are entitled to the information, and if you are a customer of such dark arts, you deserve to know the going rates. And that, dear reader, is where

I come in.

To maintain the timeliness of the prices, I began my research on the night of April 30, with clouds as black as pitch and rain pouring from the sky in the darkest parts of our Fair City. It was in the 1200 block of East 23rd Street that I found Jessica Moore walking westward in the pre-dawn hours, and even before I could ask what she was doing, she began telling me which motel she was staying in and where her identification was at the moment.

I relaxed her by getting out with an umbrella and standing in the rain with her and told her I wasn’t out for an arrest, only information.

At the tender age of 25, Jessica was more than forthcoming, but only from having dealt with me before.

Prostitutes are a unique breed, cousin only to the crack addict in that they behave like broken and beaten dogs, cowering at the first sign of hostility and inspiring contempt for the same reason, but I had a reputation for fairness and she responded accordingly. Due to their societal invisibility, they were the foremost source of intelligence on the street, and that was worth its weight in gold in comparison to a misdemeanor arrest for a nondiscreet blowjob.

Jessica said the going rate for straight sex was $20 dollars, and a blowjob was the same, but far more negotiable. A “half and half” (oral followed up by vaginal sex for the uninitiated) was $40 dollars, and all the combinations of such were based upon these rates.

These rates of course depend upon the quality of the prostitute in question as well as the venue, but for flat-out street solicitation these rates are the standard. That is to say, mainstream cinematic prostitute favorite “Julia Roberts”

“It warms my heart to see that despite the economic downturns and upswings of the past 20 years, the price of a blowjob and a crack rock have remained relatively static at $20 each.” www.chattanoogapulse.com 5.21.09 The Pulse

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Cover Story could charge far more than the more realistic “Bea Arthur” in comparison, but you get the point. In the past during vice stings I have known blowjobs to have been negotiated down to roughly $3 dollars in change because “she was just hungry and needed money for a burger”, but like anything, those are exceptions to the rule. They don’t call it a blow “job” for nothing, after all; that is work and they charge for it, bless their hearts. And for the record, No: Without exception, they do not receive tips any more than they receive 1099s.

In the world of gambling? The prices are simply what they are. Sporting bets are usually white-collar in nature and rates vary on the whims of their sponsors, but I find that the most common form of gambling is in videopoker machines and the given rate is in $20 dollar increments with limits approaching only the ends of cashed paychecks, despite the status of unpaid power, rent, and school materials bills.

In a long-ago one-on-one personal interview in a parking lot with convicted arsonist and second-generation gambling magnate Darren Webb, he said of gambling, “I’m not forcing anyone to shove their money into those machines. I’m not hurting anyone, or encouraging kids. These people just show up and put their money in the machines, so who am I to stop them?” Court testimony later showed Webb taking in between $60,000 and $120,000 cash per month from his local tri-state enterprise. “What do you make a year? Do the math,” he said. “For that kind of money I could do 18 months in a federal country club on my hands.” I was making $22,400 at the time and I saw some distinct validity to his argument despite my oaths to the State, but just weeks after that conversation, he had the opportunity to put his claim to the test when federal agents escorted him to a federal penitentiary. (I have felt fine with my vocation and its pay ever since.)

The price of drugs I have saved for last because it is the most involved. If you do not partake in such by prescription or pastime, while I applaud you, this may seem overwhelming. If you are like the average user and stick to one realm of drugs, this too may be a bit of an overload…but this isn’t the national media: This is Real Journalism, and you’ll just have to deal with it.

Pharmaceutical prices are complicated to say the least, because there are so many different levels. When I invoke the word “drugs”, the average reader immediately forms the image of an apparently destitute man with a toboggan on his head and a plaid shirt soliciting alms on an interstate on-ramp or an inner-city street corner. This reader overlooks all the other aspects of drug-users, because to acknowledge such would horrify them beyond rational thought. If they considered everyone that ever served them alcohol from behind a bar, brought them food from the kitchen of the nicest restaurant, repaired the intake gaskets of their Ford’s engine, or shook their hands at a political rally, they might have a heart attack and fall dead on the spot. Drug use goes from corporate to street level, and knows no cultural, racial, or economic boundaries. I’ll try to break down the prices by genre.

My go-to dealer is known as “Paul” for obvious purposes, again referring to prosecution. (I had hoped to lend additional credulity to this article by the exclusive use of attributable names, but in their cases my pharmaceutical dealers would be literally indicting themselves and at my rates, this was hardly worth it.) Paul stated, and I agreed

“The price of drugs I have saved for last because it is the most involved. If you do not partake in such by prescription or pastime, while I applaud you, this may seem overwhelming.”

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with, for purposes of this interview he would give prices in increments of grams.

Like any product, all drugs were priced based on quality. A Kia does not rate the same price as a comparably equipped BMW, so it should not be unusual to expect a gram of cocaine to range from $25 to $40 dollars a gram in Chattanooga.

Its closest and most vilified cousin, crack cocaine, still ranges from $20 to $30 dollars a “rock” (roughly a quarter inch in diameter), depending on race of the buyer. I have always found this fascinating from a business perspective because crack is of course a wildly diluted form of cocaine, and if I were a user, I would expect much higher standards for the product, but thanks to lifestyle differences, I have never been in a position to dispute such… only arrest for its possession and use.

According to “Richard” (a Caucasian dealer of some experience) opium (or “opiate derivatives”) is not a local favorite, but prices range from $25 to $30 dollars a gram locally.

He also stated that meth (or methamphetamines) has dramatically unpredictable prices due to the near-daily developments in its manufacture (from home and mobile laboratories to a 2-liter cola bottle with lithium batteries), but seems to range from $10 to $20 per hit based on quantity available (and sometimes run even less).

Hallucinogens are an extreme rarity in the Chattanooga area for many reasons, but largely due to the lack of manufacture here.

LSD runs from $3 to $5 a hit and Ecstasy from $10 to $25 per uniquely stamped pill, but the

Cover Story extreme rarity of psilocybin mushrooms forces their cost to go from $20 to $30 dollars for every 3.5 grams (or for the lay person, the amount you can stuff into a cigarette pack).

Chattanooga mercifully experiences a dearth of PCP usage (you’d hear about it in the daily news otherwise), but even it goes for $25 a gram.

Pills make up the next category, but of course there are far more than I can document even were I given every page of this periodical.

Hydrocodone pill prices are based on their milligram weight from 2.5 to 7.5 ($4-$7), and Xanax starts at $4 per pill regardless of weight. A “Totem” of Xanax goes for $10 dollars for just a single pill, so you can imagine how bad it gets from there based on the grandparents’ prescriptions alone.

Marijuana, the consummate favorite according to both dealers, was at a constantly fluctuating rate of $3 dollars to $25 dollars a gram, depending on the quality of the product.

As illustrated in the recent cinematic Seth Rogan epic Pineapple Express, weed quality varies from “stank” to “hydroponics”. Never once have I as a police officer underestimated the draw of “the weed” based on the strength it gains from its varied sources.

While there are many other drugs, I am finally left with reporting on the price of heroin, and it would be humorous if I left out the comments from my two prominent dealers that in Chattanooga, the few that have come here to distribute for $40 to $50 a gram have been run out not by the police…but by the users and dealers themselves. Serious attempts have been made to stake out a claim in the Tri-State Area for heroin usage, but local users have literally taken up arms against those few and forced them from town. Methadone will be its closest relative come Christmas, and all other cousins are forbidden…so I read, so I believe. And that, dear Reader, is the state of the Price of Vice in the Chattanooga area for this, our year 2009.

Are there more? Are there worse? Of course…but this column is about fact, for once, not opinion. Tips are welcome to your humble author, but don’t expect immediate results. We only publish once a week after all.

At the end of the day, all I can say is that I wasn’t always a cop, and I have to tell you, it warms my heart to see that despite the economic downturns and upswings of the past 20 years, the price of a blowjob and a crack rock have remained relatively static at $20 dollars each. That may not be our journalistic intent, but it’s the truth, and it beats the reliability of our current economic chiefs.

You’re welcome, Chattanooga.

These are your Prices of Vice.

Just What Are The Popular Drugs?

This week The Pulse is taking a rather tongue-in-cheek look at the various vices that remain popular for a somewhat depressingly growing percentage of society.

But many of our more law-abiding readers may privately wonder just what are all the drugs being used these days? Far be it from us to leave anyone uniformed! Here’s a handy primer of the drugs, their uses, their effects and where they come from.

1. Marijauna Arguably one of the oldest drugs used by mankind, cannabis use dates back to pre-history. Archeologists have discovered smoking paraphernalia and ancient writings and artwork depicting the use of marijuana and its side effects: a subjective change in perception, increased heart rate, lowered blood pressure, impairment of psychomotor coordination, concentration, and short-term episodic and working memory loss. Users of marijuana also extol its medicinal virtues in combating nausea from chemotherapy and other debilitating illnesses. It can be grown nearly everywhere there is arable land.

2. Cocaine Cocaine, technically known as benzoylmethyl ecgonine, is obtained from the leaves of the coca plant. It is both a stimulant of the central nervous system and an appetite suppressant, and because of the way it affects the mesolimbic reward pathways in the brain, cocaine is highly addictive. The coca plant is native to South America, and the production and sale of cocaine has been a primary source of income for large portions of the continent, funding dictators and armies alike. There are several ways cocaine can be processed, including the common powder and “crack” variants, the latter method leading to an explosion in criminal activity in the 1980s that exists to this day.

3. Methamphetamine One of the fastest growing drugs in terms of usage and popularity, methamphetamine (commonly referred to as “meth”) is also one of the most physically addictive and disabling drugs on the black market. It is highly dangerous to make, and the various production labs are immediately classified as environmentally hazardous sites when discovered by law enforcement. The effect is an immediate high that can last for hours, even days, depending of potency. Users may become hypersexual or overly obsessed with a thought or task. Withdrawal is characterized by excessive sleeping, eating, and major depression, often accompanied by anxiety and drug-craving. Even worse, the effects of the drug lessen with each use, requiring steadily larger does to achieve the desired result. Long-term use leads to several medical and mental problems and, eventually, death.

4. Heroin Heroin, known technically as diacetylmorphine, is a semi-synthetic opioid drug synthesized from morphine, a derivative of the opium poppy. As with other opioids, heroin is used as both a pain-killer

and a recreational drug and has high potential for abuse. It was first synthesized in 1874 by C. R. Alder Wright, an English chemist working at St. Mary’s Hospital Medical School in London, England. From 1898 through to 1910, under the name heroin, diacetylmorphine was marketed as a non-addictive morphine substitute and cough suppressant. When used recreationally, it produces a lethargic feeling of euphoria, though with long-term use, more and more of the drug is needed to recreate the initial impact.

The currently popularity of heroin remains low, though it does spike from time to time.

5. LSD Lysergic acid diethylamide is a semisynthetic psychedelic drug with some unusual psychological effects. The described visuals of colored and crawling geometric patterns, and a sense of time distortion have made it one of the most widely known psychedelic drugs. LSD was first synthesized

by Albert Hofmann from ergot, a grain fungus that typically grows on rye. LSD is typically delivered orally, usually on a substrate such as absorbent blotter paper, a sugar cube, or gelatin. Introduced

by Sandoz Laboratories as a drug with various psychiatric uses, LSD quickly became a therapeutic agent that appeared to show great promise. However, the extra-medicinal use of the drug during the ’60s and ’70’s led to a political firestorm that resulted in the banning of the substance. Which has done little to stop the illegal manufacture and use of the drug, which is still hailed by many to be highly beneficial in controlled usage.

6. Ecstasy / MDMA MDMA, methylenedioxymethamphetamine, also known as Ecstasy, is a semisynthetic member of the amphetamine class of psychoactive drugs. It is considered unusual for its tendency to produce a sense of intimacy with others and diminished feelings of fear and anxiety. It gained widespread popularity among the 1990s youth culture, which combined use of the drug with all-night dance parties known as “raves”. However, many of the users of MDMA left themselves extremely vulnerable to sexual assault and abuse. Like many designer drugs, proponents feel that there are many legitimate psychiatric and therapeutic uses for the drug, but there is very little verifiable documentation to support their arguments.

www.chattanoogapulse.com 5.21.09 The Pulse

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ShrinkRap

by Dr. Rick

A Vacation of Spirit A

s you know I’ve been on vacation, which was a truly wonderful time for me to reflect, de-stress, and re-charge. I was able to have some fun with friends, and also spend some quiet time alone. I’ve always been a huge fan of vacations (aren’t we all?), and try very hard to practice what I preach by planning time throughout the year for a change of scenery, whether for a week, a weekend, or just a day.

I suppose we often envision a vacation as a week or two away. Load in the provisions, pack luggage, make the reservations, hire the pet/housesitter, and, of course, end up spending too much money. Come home with goofy T-shirts and lots of digital pics on the new camera you just bought that you’re still figuring out how to work.

When I think of the effort involved in order to pull off a heavily detailed or strict-agenda type of vacation, I think of coming home and needing to recuperate from the time away. You’ve probably experienced it at one time or another: you need a vacation to recover from your vacation.

OK, that’s one way to do it. But I like to think that “vacation” is as much a state of mind as a destination.

What’s your ideal vacation? Is it to see the sights and feel the romance of a far-away culture? Or to commune with nature and get back to basics through hiking, foraging and fire-building? I bet it also includes, on some level, a desire to exhale away stress and fatigue, and inhale calmness and

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rejuvenation. When you think about it, this could be accomplished anywhere— whether on a weeklong cruise or, with practice, in about 10 minutes on your back porch. With the power of your mind, you can take a whole lot more vacations than perhaps you realize.

I’m grateful that my trip took me to the beach, which is where my own spirit feels most at home…collecting seashells, swimming in the ocean, watching the sun set. In the past, I’ve used beaches to relax, meditate, recover from deep pain, find a bit of enlightenment and self-awareness, let myself laugh out loud and feel happy, totally zone out for a while, and probably lots more. But perhaps one of the best things that happens to me is I’m reminded of the inner calm and joy that’s vital to keep me going. I’m reminded the good-feeling stuff is all within, and is always within reach. It’s a matter of re-discovering that place.

It’s so easy to veer off track with day-to-day stressors and challenges that we can forget to activate what I think of as the “vacation response.” This is what brings us back to ourselves, whether we travel or not. A walk around the block, a romp with the pup, or a cool drink in the shade of the backyard could do it.

Let me share with you five things I remembered during my vacation.

1. Be grateful for what you have.

An attitude of gratitude is everything.

It’s the root of a positive outlook; it brings about more of what you are grateful for; it re-connects you with a higher power and a generous universe.

You can’t just talk the talk, however.

This is about feeling grateful.

2. A positive outlook selfnourishes. Just as folks who walk around with a negative attitude create more negativity, more criticism, more

The Pulse 5.21.09 www.chattanoogapulse.com

the-glass-is-half-empty thinking, a positive outlook creates more happiness, more abundance, more of the same coming back to you. You always have a choice in the attitude you adopt, even if feeling hopeful seems out of reach. It is within your power to downshift, face another direction, and start moving forward again, toward what feels good.

3. Ask for what you want. This is a tough one for some people, but it’s a habit well worth developing. Start by being clear about what it is you’re asking for. Then, with the power of your creative mind, image that you already have it. What is that like?

How does it feel? How is your life better for having it?

4. Be open to receiving the gifts. When you realize you deserve good things, good things come. They may not come in the exact form (or timeline) you imagined, but that’s not your work. Your work is to ask clearly, then to be receptive to recognizing the wonderful when it happens. Identify something good you have in your life right now…and think back to when and how you asked for it. Is it a longheld dream? A person who’s made your life richer? Your present life is a reflection of what you’ve been asking for. So what are you asking for now?

5. Start all over again.

Until next time: “I discovered the secret of the sea in meditation upon the dewdrop.”

— Kahlil Gibran Dr. Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist, minister, and educator, in private practice in Chattanooga, and is the author of “Empowering the Tribe” and “The Power of a Partner.” Visit his website at www.DrRPH.com where you can email your questions and comments.

“It’s so easy to veer off track with day-to-day stressors and challenges that we can forget to activate what I think of as the ‘vacation response.’”

www.chattanoogapulse.com 5.21.09 The Pulse

15

Arts&Entertainment

by Hellcat

Who’s That Fest?

I

t’s the festival season and we all know how much I like festivals! Break out the SPF, people, because it’s time to rock the parks and play along the river!

To start off our season of festivities, we have the Who-Fest. I am ashamed to say, that I had no idea about this festival existing.

Thankfully, I do now, so let me share with all of you. The Who-Fest takes place at Renaissance Park (right next to Coolidge), and it is well established in its third year. It was started by Winder Binder Gallery guy David Smotherman. (Thank you, David.)

This year, the festival is partnered with the Very Special Arts of Tennessee, which helps promote and provide opportunities and outlets for those with disabilities to express themselves in the arts and through arts education. A lot of artists with particular challenges may be underserved and have trouble being represented. This festival is just the place for such artists.

I think this is an amazing thing, and so does the Shaking Ray Levi Society, which has partnered up with the festival for their second year in a row. Together, these impressive contributors will provide a showcase for artists of all kinds that have overcome various difficulties to create their music or their art. I am especially looking forward to hearing the Blair School Dulcimer Choir, composed entirely of teenagers with autism, which will go on at 3 p.m. on Saturday. Autism has a soft place in my heart, as I have studied it a great deal, and it is definitely something that needs our attention. I love that

“Kevin Spears, who Ernie refers to as the ‘Jimi Hendrix of thumb piano’ will be playing at 1 p.m. on Saturday on the Main Stage.”

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the Who-Fest has given these kids a platform upon which to express themselves.

The Who-Fest lasts two days, Saturday the 23rd and Sunday the 24th, and it runs from 10 a.m.-6 p.m., both days. Beyond the choirs, there will be plenty of folk art. Various dance, art, and drum workshops will be offered throughout the event.

Music will be ongoing on both days as well, offering a vast array of different styles and influences. I spoke with fellow Pulse writer and music lover, Ernie Paik, who is the president of the Shaking Ray Levi Society. He tells me that the festival is, “trying to find music that isn’t in the mainstream and you wouldn’t hear on the radio, but would appeal to the festival crowd. We are bringing people music they might not know they like.”

It isn’t that our local music is poor, but that exposure to different types of music is lacking around here. Ta-da!

Who-Fest! Ernie goes on to say, “The sheer diversity of genres represented is pretty incredible. We have opera, jazz, western, swing, ambient music, a band that only plays toy instruments, and of course, rock and pop.” I would call that a wide range for us to choose from, and everyone likes options.

Let me touch on a few that caught my attention. Kevin Spears, who Ernie refers to as the “Jimi Hendrix of thumb piano” will be playing at 1 p.m. on Saturday on the Main Stage.

Eugene Chadbourne is a guitarist/ banjo player who has worked with an eclectic range of artists, from Camper Van Beethoven to They Might Be Giants. This, I have to see. You might want to check out Lake Rise Place, a jazz trio, featuring Elliot McClain, a 14-year-old piano player

who is blind. They will be playing Sunday at 1 p.m. If you are more of a country music fan, then I would check out The Sure Shots, which has a sound that lends itself to Western Swing, so put on your dancing shoes and bust out some rock steps.

While workshops will be going on in the Pavilion throughout the day, here are my suggestions: Catch a movement workshop with Ann Shea on Sunday at 2:30 p.m., and a drum workshop with Eddie Tuduri Saturday at noon. Eddie is the founder of The Rhythmic Art Project, which deals with the therapeutic value of playing drums. I find this completely fascinating.

If you are interested in being involved or are curious about disabilities in the arts, there will be a panel discussion on Sunday at noon. Overwhelmed yet? There are so many options and so many things to do, you should probably just clear your schedule now, and commit to checking it out in its entirety, both days. The festival is free. That’s right. I said it. FREE! It is an allages event, and all of the music and exhibits are family friendly. Do you have a dog, or seven? Bring them! It’s doggie friendly! Additional partners in the making of this festival are: Allied Arts of Greater Chattanooga, City of Chattanooga, Orange Grove Centers, Tennessee Arts Commission, Therapeutic Recreation Services, Inner Windows Therapeutic Massage, NEA, The Rhythmic Arts Project, and the Winder Binder Gallery of Folk Art.

Who-Fest Free.

10 a.m. – 6 p.m.

Saturday, May 23 and Sunday, May 24 Renaissance Park (North Shore across from FoodWorks). www.whofest.com

A&ECalendar

Send your calendar events to us at calendar@chattanoogapulse.com

Friday

Thursday Sixty-Second Film Festival Movie Awards 6 p.m. Hunter Museum, 10 Bluff View, (423) 267-0968. www.huntermuseum.org

Karen Mills 7:30 & 10 p.m. The Comedy Catch & Giggles Grille, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233.

A Streetcar Named Desire 7 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, Main Stage, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.com

Poetic Voices II Poets from Trenton to Dayton to right here at home throw down.

Free.

6 p.m. reading, 7 p.m. open mic Rock Point Books, 401 Broad Street. (423) 315-0721. www.rockpointbooks.com

CSO Wind and String Ensembles

Mystery Book Club discusses One Good Turn 7:30 p.m. Barnes & Noble, Hamilton Place Blvd.

(423) 893-0186.

Don’t miss this chance to see the stellar CSO musicians in a different format.

“Contemporary Landscapes of the Southeast” Bill Shores Frames & Gallery, 307 Manufacturers Rd. Suite 117.

(423) 756-6746.

Free Noon Rhythm & Noon series, Miller Plaza, 850 Market Street.

(423) 265-0771. www.downtownchattanooga.org

Saturday

Hip Fest All day. North Shore, including Coolidge Park.

“Jellies: Living Art” Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944.

Poetry Open Mic Night 7:30 p.m. Barnes & Noble, 2100 Hamilton Place Blvd.

(423) 893-0186.

“All That Jazz” River Gallery, 400 E. Second St. (423) 265-5033. www.river-gallery.com

A Streetcar Named Desire 8 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, Main Stage, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534.

Coyee Langston’s “Inner Light” In-Town Gallery, 26A Frazier Ave. (423) 267-9214.

“Celebrate!”

Hanover Gallery, 111 Frazier Ave. (423) 648-0533.

“And the Iron Did Swim,” photography by Mary Barnett Tanner Hill Gallery, 3069 S. Broad St., Suite 3. (423) 280-7182

“The Untold Story of the Great Black Jockeys” Chattanooga African-American Museum, 200 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-8658. www.caamhistory.com

Young fiery talent interpret the Williams classic. $10-$20 8 p.m.

Chattanooga Theatre Centre, Main Stage, 400 River Street.

(423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.com

Karen Mills 7:30 & 10 p.m. The Comedy Catch & Giggles Grille, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com

“Connect” Shuptrine Fine Art & Framing, 2646 Broad St. (423) 266-4453. www.shuptrinefineart.com

Tuesday

Wednesday

Southern Lit Book Club Reviews A Good Man Is Hard To Find 6 p.m. Rock Point Books, 401 Broad St. (423) 756-2855.

“Contemporary Landscapes of the Southeast” Bill Shores Frames & Gallery, 307 Manufacturers Rd., Suite 117. (423) 756-6746.

Bob Dombrowski’s sculpture Linda Woodall Fine Arts, 7836 Ooltewah-Georgetown Rd. (423) 238-9985.

“A Barage of Butterflies” Houston Museum of Decorative Arts, 201 High St. (423) 267-7176.

“New Work by Lorraine Christie and Bruno Zapan” Gallery 1401, 1401 Williams St. (423) 265-0015.

“Jellies: Living Art” Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944.

Art by Harry Kippes Lookout Mountain Gallery, 3535-A Broad St. (423) 508-8117.

“All That Jazz” River Gallery, 400 E. Second St. (423) 265-5033. www.river-gallery.com

Southeast Veterans Museum Chattanooga Ducks building, 201 W. 5th St. (423) 756-3825.

Coyee Langston’s “Inner Light” In-Town Gallery, 26A Frazier Ave. (423) 267-9214.

Chattanooga Market: The Beast Feast: Chattanooga BBQ Showcase & Competition 11 a.m. First Tennessee Pavillion, 1826 Carter St. www.chattanoogamarket.com

Pirates of Penzance 7:30 p.m. Ripple Theater, 3264 Brainerd Rd. (423) 475-5006. www.rippletheater.com

Book signing with Tim Hollis, author of See Rock City: The History of Rock City Gardens 11 a.m, reading. Rock City, 1400 Patten Road, Lookout Mountain, GA. (706) 820-2531. www.seerockcity.com

Monday

Pirates of Penzance 7:30 p.m. Ripple Theater, 3264 Brainerd Rd. (423) 475-5006. www.rippletheater.com

Sunday Who-Fest: Outdoor Self-Taught, Folk, Visionary, and Outsider Art Festival 10 a.m. – 6 p.m. Renaissance Park. www.whofest.org

A Streetcar Named Desire

“A Barage of Butterflies” Houston Museum of Decorative Arts, 201 High St. (423) 267-7176. www.thehoustonmuseum.com

Pirates of Penzance 2:30 p.m. Ripple Theater, 3264 Brainerd Rd. (423) 475-5006. www.rippletheater.com

Quilt exhibit featuring works of Phyllis Stephens and Lisa Butler Chattanooga African-American Museum, 200 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-8658.

Folk, outsider, visionary and self-taught artists and musicians. (see A&E feature).

Free 10 a.m. – 6 p.m.

Renaissance Park, North Shore (across from FoodWorks). www.whofest.com

Who-Fest

A Streetcar Named Desire 2:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, Main Syage, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534.

Auditions for ETC’s Short Attention Span Theatre: a tenminute play festival 6 p.m. St. Andrews Center Theatre, 1918 Union Ave. (423) 987-5141.

Editor’s Pick: Featured Event Of The Week

Poetry Night 7 p.m. CreateHere, 33 E. Main St., Suite 105. (423) 648-2195. www.createhere.org Second Annual Chattanooga Jewish Film Series: The Secrets 7:30 p.m. Jewish Cultural Center, 5461 North Terrace.

(423) 493-0270.

“And the Iron Did Swim,” photography by Mary Barnett Tanner Hill Gallery, 3069 S. Broad St., Suite 3. (423) 280-7182. www.tannerhillgallery.com “The Untold Story of the Great Black Jockeys” Chattanooga African-American Museum, 200 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-8658.

The Pirates of Penzance The popular Chatt State production is revived for a few dates in May. Gilbert & Sullivan fans have a chance to hum along with some of this operetta’s famous ditties, from “I Am A Pirate King” to “The Major General’s Song.”

Friday, May 22 $15, 7:30 p.m Ripple Theater, 3264 Brainerd Road.

(423) 475-5006. www.rippletheater.com

www.chattanoogapulse.com 5.21.09 The Pulse

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LifeInTheNoog

by Chuck Crowder

The Summertime Blues W

ith the dawning of shorts weather comes the battle cry of the music festival. They’re everywhere: City Stages in Birmingham, Sundown in The City in Knoxville, Beale Street Music Festival in Memphis, Bonnaroo in Manchester and Riverbend/Nightfall right here in the Noog.

But this year, hard times have befallen the music scene all over the Southeast. Sponsorship dollars that help subsidize such events so the festivalgoer can actually afford to buy a ticket are almost nonexistent (outside of Coca-Cola and Budweiser of course). As a result, the pool of affordable talent this year has moved from “B list” to “C list” at best. Or the event’s simply been cancelled.

River Stages in Nashville and Music Midtown in Atlanta aren’t even happening this year.

And the bands are suffering too.

Many booking agents are “cutting deals” in order to keep their musicians working. While this might be good for the struggling festivals, it drives the already low-paying career of the musician into poverty territory. But what that also means is that we shouldn’t have to drop back and punt in order to get good talent.

Take Riverbend. The line-up this year, although generally substandard just about any year, exemplifies what I’m talking about. Willie Nelson and the B-52’s are great acts, period.

Big wins for Riverbend (especially

after losing two major sponsors).

Montgomery Gentry, Stephen Curtis Chapman and Train are current too, I guess. But Little Richard? He’s still alive? And Three Dog Night?

Isn’t this their third Coke stage appearance? Talk about “mama told me not to come.” Finally, the Commodores without Lionel aren’t the Commodores. Why are they worthy of the big stage?

The side stages this year are just plain pathetic. The only two acts of note worth seeing are Adrian Belew and Alejandro Escovedo (the only person who’s also playing Bonnaroo). The rest of the side stage acts are bands that haunt local venues on a regular basis throughout the year anyway, and cover bands. I guess all of the talent dollars went to the Coke stage…and fireworks.

Luckily, the 17-week Summer Nightfall Series generally avoids some of the high talent fees and general criticism that Riverbend suffers. First of all, most of the acts booked each Friday night are either “up-and-comers” or “finally-cheapenough-to-bookers.” That makes writing the checks a little easier. And, Nightfall maintains a small footprint and crowd size, so expenses are controllable.

That’s not to say Nightfall hasn’t been without its financial struggles this year, however. They too lost some major sponsorship dollars that led to creative fundraising in order to pull it all together. But being on the talent committee, I can attest that once again for the 21st year the series has assembled some great acts.

Topping the list of up-and-comers are Carolyn Wonderland, Reed Thomas Lawrence, Rocco Deluca, JJ Grey & Mofro, Enter the Haggis and Dr. Dog. Remember those names, you’ll likely hear them again (and hopefully remember seeing them at Nightfall).

And, in the “finally-cheapenough-to-book” category, there’s ex-Georgia Satellite Dan Baird and his new band Homemade Sin, Carlene Carter and Ben Sollee.

All are still going strong with new material, and finally doable on the small stage. But what you guys don’t know are the names of potential artists for this year that in previous years we would have had the money for, but due to budget constraints couldn’t muster. I would say that might have been the case for Riverbend too if we didn’t all know the history there.

That said, Riverbend’s schedule is “on par.” Nightfall’s is once again great, and both festivals are happening despite the economy (even if it is by the skin of their teeth). So we in the Noog should feel lucky to have these activities happening in our own back yard. It’s not every city that’s so fortunate. So be sure to support and enjoy both with your attendance—and beer money.

“Most of the acts booked each Friday night are either ‘up-and-comers’ or ‘finally-cheapenough-tobookers.’”

Chuck Crowder is a local writer and general man about town. His opinions are just that. Everything expressed is loosely based on fact, and crap he hears people talking about. Take what you just read with a grain of salt, but pepper it in your thoughts. And be ure to check out his wildly popular website www.thenoog.com

www.chattanoogapulse.com 5.21.09 The Pulse

19

Film Feature

by Phillip Johnston

The Demons Are In the Details O

ne gets the impression that novelist Dan Brown enjoys dabbling in extremes. His novels have included anything from government cover-ups, to antimatter particles, to the Illuminati.

But if I had to pick one word to describe Ron Howard’s 2006 adaptation of Brown’s most popular novel The Da Vinci Code, it would be “sluggish.”

Brown’s fast-moving story brimming with half-historical pontificating and high-stakes problem-solving didn’t translate well to film and made me wonder why his thicker, more cinematic novel Angels & Demons didn’t get the Hollywood treatment first.

Well, the Hollywood adaptation of Angels & Demons was given a wide theatrical release last week. The Da Vinci Code certainly isn’t a hard act for a successful director like Ron Howard to follow, but for this new addition to the series, he’s relied on the same screenwriter, the same crew, and the same lead actor resulting, ultimately, in the same film. The story may be different but the sluggish result is just the same.

How odd that when he was handed Frost/Nixon last year, Howard was able to make pulse-pounding cinema out of two men dialoguing about current events. With Angels & Demons, he’s given extremes on every spectrum—a plot that mines gothic mysteries of science, history, and religion—but he can’t seem to find enough cinematic energy take the plot anywhere but through mediocre muck.

The preposterous story has tremendous potential: The pope has died and every cardinal in the Catholic Church has gathered in Vatican City. Tradition says that the assembled group will be sealed inside the Sistine Chapel until the new pontiff is chosen—a tradition called “conclave”. White smoke will billow from the chapel’s chimney when the verdict is reached.

Simultaneously (though seemingly unrelated), scientists in Geneva, Switzerland have at last isolated antimatter, a precarious substance

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with destructive potential comparable to that of a nuclear weapon, but with major scientific value. For all intents and purposes, it’s that God Particle that scientists like to muse about (or at least the scientists in Angels & Demons).

Moments after the formation of the particle, the head scientist behind the operation is murdered in his lab and branded upon the chest with the ancient symbol of the Illuminati, a brotherhood dedicated to scientific truth, forced underground by the Catholic church for their apparent heresy.

The Illuminati have resurfaced on this historic day and sent their emissary to whisk away an antimatter canister, kidnap the four cardinals favored by the church to succeed the dead pope and kill them one by one before destroying Vatican City via an antimatter explosion at midnight.

It seems a stretch that the Catholic Church would immediately call on Harvard symbologist Robert Langdon (Tom Hanks)—the same Robert Langdon who challenged the deity of Christ in his Da Vinci exploits— to help track down the ancient brotherhood and stop their evil deeds, but, in case you haven’t noticed, the whole plot is a stretch. (Those who are aware that the Angels & Demons novel preceded The Da Vinci Code will not have to stretch as much.)

Bothering with semantics would spoil the fun.

Langdon is rushed to Rome and a wild goose chase ensues in which Tom Hanks—with facial expressions moving from confused concern to arrogant angst—and the sexily named female scientist Vittoria Vetra traipse through the Vatican, name-dropping historic artists, philosophers, and scientists an attempt to add layers of

complexity to the story.

It even works half of the time because the scenery is so fascinating.

Along with the characters, we get the feeling that we are entering places that no common person has ever been granted entrance, places like the Vatican library and St. Peter’s Tomb— but the novelty wears off once you realize that, for obvious reasons, none of the film was actually shot inside the Vatican.

Still, Langdon and crew bustle through historic sites yelling, “Look!

An Illuminati symbol in Vatican City!

If he’s going to kill, he’ll do it here!” and said Illuminati killer tells his victims that, “God won’t have trouble with what I’ve done. He’ll have trouble with what I’m going to do.”

This tip-of-the-tongue high-minded talk is the name of the game in a Robert Langdon mystery, and when stripped down to bare essentials, Dan Brown’s stories are just classic examples of pulp fiction.

But if film history has told us anything, it’s that pulp has its place and there are a few moments when Angels & Demons achieves a sense of immediacy that should be the trademark of every summer blockbuster. It’s worth the price of a matinee admission to see the film’s climax, an event which is so ridiculously absurd, yet so insanely marvelous, that one can’t help but let out an awe-filled chuckle knowing that moments like these are exactly why we flock to the multiplex on a hot summer day.

Angels & Demons Directed by Ron Howard Starring Tom Hanks, Ayelet Zurer, Ewan McGregor Rated PG-13 Running time: 2 hours, 20 minutes

ShadesOfGreen

by Elizabeth Crenshaw

Light Bulbs Are No Joke W

ith their swivel design and modern look, CFL (Compact Florescent Light) bulbs are sleek and attractive. Once rare and somewhat mysterious contraptions, these bulbs can now be found anywhere home supplies are sold. From WalMart to high-end lighting specialty stores, CFLs are now integrated into our lives.

But despite their widespread availability, there are still issues surrounding CFLs. Many people I speak with are confused about the bulb’s proper disposal, and some have complaints of bulbs burning out early while some flicker and smoke in certain applications. Buying and properly disposing of the bulbs takes some research and some thought.

Additionally, CFLs are a doubleedged sword in energy-efficient technology. On one hand, they undoubtedly conserve energy. One bulb can save half a ton of Co2 from the atmosphere over its lifetime. On the other hand, the bulbs contain a significant amount of mercury, a substance potentially toxic to humans and wildlife.

So here are some facts and figures on CFLs: • CFLs consume about 1/3 of the power traditional bulbs do and generate 70 percent less heat, keeping cooling costs down in the summer.

Some bulbs can last as long as seven years and replacing just five regular bulbs with CFLs can save about $156 over their lifetimes.

• Buying CFLs is not as straightforward as buying traditional bulbs. It’s important to buy highquality CFLs to make sure that you are getting what you pay for in terms of energy savings. “Energy Star” labeled bulbs are a safe bet because these bulbs have been tested to perform to a certain standard.

Consumer Reports issued a study on CFLs and gave positive reviews to Philips Marathon bulbs and to Feit Electric Eco Bulbs. Scoring less than glowing reviews were outdoor CFLs from GE and soft white bulbs from Sylvania.

• Since 1998, China has been the world leader in manufacturing

CFLs, shipping over one billion bulbs per year and capturing 75 percent of the world’s CFL market.

Chinese bulbs have been reported to contain more mercury than bulbs manufactured in other countries, but most manufacturers have committed to keeping the mercury content below five milligrams per bulb.

• Equally as important as a CFL’s quality is its application. Where are you planning on putting the CFL? You should know the answer to that question before you purchase the bulb.

CFLs created for indoor use have subpar performance outside. Indoor CFLs are specially crafted to perform best at around 77 degrees, so choose bulbs meant for outdoor use if that’s where you’re putting them.

• For three-way dimmer fixtures or lamps on a timer, it is important to choose a bulb specifically meant for that application. At worst, not doing so could result in a smoking bulb or in the bulb flickering out immediately, at best, the life of the bulb will be significantly decreased. Bulbs meant for these purposes will be marked on the packaging.

• If you don’t have a specialty use like the applications listed above, you’ll get the most for your money by placing the CFL in a lamp in a frequently occupied room.

• Some people have complained CFLs are not as bright as traditional bulbs. Make sure to check the Lumen rating on the box. The higher the rating, the more light the bulb will provide. Also, wattage is relative to size: the bigger the bulb, the greater the light output. Another reason people avoid CFLs is that some bulbs emit an unflattering, cold light. CFLs come with a “K” rating that indicates the shade of light a user can expect. If you like softer, more romantic light, look for ratings less than 3,000K. If you prefer brighter, whiter light, check for ratings over 3,500K. • CFLs contain mercury, and though it’s a small amount, just three-to-five milligrams, it’s still enough to cause harm, so you should avoid exposure. Unlike a traditional bulb, when a CFL breaks, certain precautions must be taken. If you break a bulb, leave the room for 15 minutes. It’s best to pick up the

pieces with a mask and gloves on, and be sure not to vacuum or sweep, especially on hard floors. Open a window when the clean up is complete.

• The best way to dispose of your CFL is to recycle it. Home Depot now offers free CFL recycling at all its locations. I wait until I have five or so before making a trip, wrapping them in old newspaper to avoid breakage.

Many industry experts believe that CFLs are ultimately a transition product, paving the way for superior LED technology. LEDs (Light Emitting Diodes) have been falling in price lately. Today, you can find a pack of three at Sam’s Club for $14.86, though the bulbs are admittedly pretty dim. Higher-quality LEDs are still pretty expensive, but the technology certainly holds promise. With this technology, people will not be forced to weigh environmental benefits and consequences to such a large degree.

But as with any environmentally friendly technology, affordability is the first step toward sustainability.

Elizabeth Crenshaw is LEED accredited and works for EPB in Strategic Planning.

Originally from South Carolina, Elizabeth moved to Chattanooga after graduating from Warren Wilson College in 2007.

“Buying CFLs is not as straightforward as buying traditional bulbs. It’s important to buy high-quality CFLs to make sure that you are getting what you pay for in terms of energy savings.”

www.chattanoogapulse.com 5.21.09 The Pulse

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MusicFeature

by Erica Tuggle

No Songs About Parents or Potatoes Last summer, with a few demos under his belt, Douglass “Dug” Garnett began advertising for other musicians to see if his ideas could be put into a band. After a few line-up changes and much tinkering, RaBiDeArS was born.

Alex Herweyer, back-up vocals and bass, was the first to join the band, followed by Jason Lyles on vocals and Red on drums and percussion. What began as a studio project evolved quickly. The Pulse’s editorial intern Erica Tuggle spoke with RaBiDeArS members Dug Garnett (back-up vocals, songwriting and guitar) and Alex Herweyer on where RaBiDeArs is now, their new CD The New Shaboom!, how they are using the music industry and what they want from the Chattanooga music scene.

The Pulse: Tell me about the cover art for the album and the significance of the “Mr. Potato Head”.

Alex Herweyer: We wanted to have something fun and not serious.

Doug Garnett: What’s more fun than Mr. Potato Head? It was to send a message that, “Here’s a whole new bunch of crap. You can take it or not.

We don’t care.”

TP: What were you trying to do with this first album? Is there a theme to your music or a certain type of sound you want heard?

DG: We are trying not to repeat ourselves. We want to be in a constantly evolving state and see where creativity takes us. Music is an entity that changes. We are planning on releasing remixes of

“We want to continue on this crooked path of songs that are not the same as the one before it. It’s like walking down broken stairs.”

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The Pulse 5.21.09 www.chattanoogapulse.com

songs that we have friends working on. We are just going to try and be consistent with quality music—but consistently inconsistent with our sound.

TP: With the music business going all computerized, and illegal music downloading becoming the norm, how are you using that in your music venture?

DG: The music industry caters to singles and we figured why not put out a whole CD of singles? The link to more songs within the CD are way different. They have kind of a pseudo-industrial soft-pop sound. We want to continue on this crooked path of songs that are not the same as the one before it. It’s like walking down broken stairs. We are going to do something that doesn’t have to make sense, because when your parents like what you are listening to, then it’s not cool.

AH: Dowloading now gives underdogs a chance in playing music on their own terms. I’ll be a happy artist if everyone decides to pirate our music because it means we can go anywhere and play and be known.

TP: What do your shows usually consist of and what are you doing to bring fans to you?

DG: We had a pajama party at our last show which was different for me because I’d never worn pajamas. I didn’t realize this was such a Southern thing. Point is, we want to make everything a unique experience so we are not recycling ourselves live. We could be a different band in a year; a jazz band or something, You never know.

TP: What do you feel RaBiDeArS is bringing to the Chattanooga music scene?

DG: We are non-elitist, nonconformist and don’t want to be the cool band of the week. We want to bring unity to the scene so it’s not a clique, backstabbing scene.

AH: If you are badmouthing other bands while you are a local band, then not much support is built. We were thinking about starting a Chattanooga music guild to work for a common cause. There are just as many bands here as in any

other town but they are fighting and therefore, no stability.

TP: Where is RaBiDeArS heading?

DG: The moment this isn’t fun, we will dismantle it and turn it into a corpse. We are starting to build a local following and we will use these songs for a couple of years to give people a change to get used to our sound. We played 15 at the release party, but we have many more. So, we will run through them all eventually. It all comes from real places. People can see if you are not sincere about what you are doing.

AH: And none of the songs are about being angry at our parents, which is odd for four white guys and 20 songs on a debut album.

DG: All you can do is put yourself out there and hope they enjoy and relate it to themselves.

RaBiDeArS (with Nashville’s Shape & Sound headlining) $5 9 p.m.

Saturday, May 23 The Lowdown, 306 Cherokee Blvd.

(423) 468-3593. myspace.com/thelowdownchatt

www.chattanoogapulse.com 5.21.09 The Pulse

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MusicFeature

by Hellcat

400 Units of Music M

ost of you are familiar with Jason Isbell due to his Drive

by Truckers fame. This trucker went solo and has now ended up with a group of crazy people. I say that only because the band he now plays with is called the 400 Unit. Still not making sense?

Well, supposedly there is a mental hospital that had a live-in group of 400. Every week they would take the healthiest patients downtown and give them each about 15 bucks to spend on food.

The patients would then roam around saying off-the-wall things to the nearest passerby, while trying to seek a sandwich.

Jason saw the humor in this particular situation and its similarity to a band coming into the downtown of a new city while on tour, getting out of the van, and each getting $15 to spend on a sandwich. Whether or not they verbally accost an innocent passerby with nonsense would depend on which member it was and what kind of mood they were in at the time.

Jason Isbell and the 400 Unit recently came out with a new selftitled album, released in mid-February.

The album and the band could be considered upbeat rock-n-roll, even though, if you’re a lyricist, you will find the subject material isn’t the brightest and most bubbly. In fact, it can be quite sad. While some of the topics might be grim, they are put together with such skill and such a fun sound that the sum total is far from depressing; less lyrically minded people might not even notice because they’ll be too busy dancing.

Jason has done solo albums, and says he might book a few solo shows in the interims between touring, but he doesn’t want to record any solo work at this time. He writes all of the lyrics and music for this project, yet the band works on all the arrangements together. When asked about the new album and what was different about it, he said it’s rhythmically different from most things he’s done, as he has been experimenting.

Being a songwriter for such a long

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time must lend itself to an extensive backlog of songs, but Isbell doesn’t use it. He says he prefers songs to be current and reflect where you are right now, and previous songs to be about where you’ve been, so he seldom pulls songs from the past. If the song doesn’t make it to recording the first go-round, it never will. He likes to start fresh with every album.

I find this to be a very interesting approach because it allows the fans to know exactly how the musician is feeling, what they are into, or what they are going through right now, not when they were in high school. It’s more personal. I asked Isbell which song he was really into on this album, and of course he said, “All of them,” but if he had to choose, he’d say the first track, “Seven-Mile Island” would have to be his favorite.

The band is on tour until July, and has been since February. SXSW was a lot more laid back for the band this year, as they kept their shows to a minimum and only had three, so they could watch more shows than play them. Maybe they were just resting up for their upcoming extensive travel time. They’re going over to Europe for two weeks to play a few shows in London, Dublin, Barcelona, and Madrid. (I know, what a horrible life, right?) Jason says he is hoping to be in the studio again sometime before the year is out. Catch Jason and the band at Rhythm and Brews on Saturday, May 23.

In other local music news, the infamous and very talented Matt

Bohannon and Matt Urmy, an amazing artist out of Nashville, will be playing at Market Street Tavern on Saturday as well. I suggest you come out and see them and maybe grab a bite before you head over to R&B. These Matts will entertain and impress you with their lovely lyrics and enviable voices. You might want to take one home.

Or if Isbell isn’t your thing, you can hit up the Matts at Market and then bounce over to JJ’s Bohemia to see The Distribution with Heypenny, who are also playing that evening.

The Distribution will blow your face right off with an energetic bluesyrock set. These guys have just started gaining momentum. I see a lot of packed houses in their future. We all know that Chattanooga favorites Heypenny will be rocking out, or at least rockin’ some really cool hats.

Come dance! If you are in the mood for some absurdly good music, a surfska band called Daikaiju and Burn the Witch will be jammin’ at JJ’s Bohemia on Friday, May 22. You should come out and see them. The Tammys will also be on the bill, but they can probably tell you about it themselves.

My personal goal is to hit every show I can this weekend and see if I have a face left by Sunday.

Jason Isbell and the 400 Unit $12 10 p.m.

Saturday, May 23 Rhythm and Brews, 221 Market Street.

(423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com

New Music Reviews

By Ernie Paik

Various Artists

The Lower Animals

SCORE! 20 Years of Merge Records: THE COVERS! (Merge)

The Lower Animals (www.myspace.com/theloweranimals)

It’s heartening to know that the indie label Merge Records, formed by Superchunk members Mac McCaughan and Laura Ballance, has not only stayed afloat for 20 years but also has thrived admirably.

Remarkably, they’ve done this not by catering to a single audience or genre (and “indie rock” isn’t a genre, mind you) but by maintaining reasonably high standards. Make a list of the most fervently loved independent releases of the last dozen years, and several Merge albums are on it: Neutral Milk Hotel’s In the Aeroplane over the Sea, Arcade Fire’s Funeral, and the Magnetic Fields’ 69 Love Songs. It’s no surprise, then, that those albums are represented on the album at hand, a compilation of non-Merge artists playing Merge songs for the label’s 20th anniversary.

The overall feeling on the album is one of reverence, so the musicians generally play it safe and don’t get too crazy. Actually, the cover of the Magnetic Fields’ “Yeah! Oh, Yeah!” by Tracey Thorn (of Everything But the Girl) and Jens Lekman is too mellow, without the nuanced blasé comical marital loathing of the original. Times New Viking tackles “Neighborhood #1” by Arcade Fire, only using a few key musical elements yet retaining a good emotional tug, and in the group’s typical style of late, the Apples in Stereo delivers an electro-power-pop version of Neutral Milk Hotel’s “King of Carrot Flowers Pt. 3.”

There’s a lot of Superchunk love here (four covers!), from big names like Ryan Adams and Death Cab for Cutie, and the lesser-known Hive Dwellers transforms “My Noise” into a low-rent dub song, complete with melodica. For the most part, the covers are pretty straightforward and don’t provide many surprises. However, if there is a revelation here, it’s that East River Pipe songs are great source material—the two covers included, from the Mountain Goats and Okkervil River, capture a great mix of pathos and passion. Listeners will probably play this CD a few times and then put it on the shelf; but, it’ll be fun to pull it out five years from now, to celebrate Merge’s 25th anniversary.

The Lower Animals is the one-man-band project of Michael Iago Mellender, who is best known as a member of Sleepytime Gorilla Museum, the unique Oakland, California group that earned a devoted following for their eclectic avant-doom-rock approach and intense, theatrical live performances. Sleepytime Gorilla Museum fans will recognize some common elements between the two acts on the Lower Animals’ debut, self-released album, which was recorded over a period of seven years. The album has an ominous undercurrent and metal-edged moments, but there’s a style here that’s even more pointedly whimsical than SGM; also, it doesn’t take itself too seriously, with some downright silly moments and demented fragments, such as the cartoon violence of “Trouble Bear Vs. Burning Gas Shockwave.”

In SGM, Mellender is a versatile instrumentalist, who tackles quite a handful, playing the guitar, accordion, and various brass instruments and beating on assorted drums and percussion, including found metal objects; with the Lower Animals, his instrument list is bursting at the seams, with pianos (conventional and toy) and more reed and string instruments added to the mix. Mellender also has an odd assortment of singing styles, many of them menacing, and “In Tainted Plight” features a distorted snarl-scream and a semi-dramatic carbon black croon.

One obvious point of comparison is the marvelously schizoid band (and fellow Californians) Mr. Bungle, because of the scattered, jumpy approach. However, with the Lower Animals, the shifts aren’t overtly shuffling through genres all the time, and the boundaries between the musical fragments are often blurred.

The listener will hear deranged metal, Japanese koto music, or a fake spy movie soundtrack on a random sampling of the album. The parts of the album I could do without are the ones with the funk-rock inflections, like “Not Here,” but overall, the Lower Animals’ debut is a crazed, gloriously erratic album from a talented multiinstrumentalist with an unfettered imagination. www.chattanoogapulse.com 5.21.09 The Pulse

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MusicCalendar

Send your calendar events to us at calendar@chattanoogapulse.com

Friday

Thursday Noah Collins 8 p.m. Mudpie Restaurant, 12 Frazier Ave. (423) 267-9043.

Paul Thorn 9 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644.

Nathan Farrow

Channing Wilson 9 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com

Playing 100 shows a year by the time he was 16, this firefighter and country artist has locals clamoring for more.

The HellBlinki Sextet and Sadistic Scenic City SideShow 9 p.m. The Low Down, 306 Cherokee Blvd. (423) 468-3593.

No cover 9 p.m.

The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Road, Suite #202 (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com

Happy Birthday Amy, Stephanie’s id, Nite Nite 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia

Lil’ Malcolm and the Zydeco House Rockers Nightfall opens with a family of zydeco players. Get ready to dance!

Free 7 p.m. opening band 8 p.m. headliner Miller Plaza, 850 Market Street. www.downtownchattanooga.org

Saturday

The Crossfire Band A home-based vocal dance band and in a cozy holein-the-wall venue. What’s not to love?

No cover.

9 p.m.

The Tin Can, 618 Georgia Ave. (423) 648-4360.

Monday Monday Night Big Band 7 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com The Palms at Hamilton 6925 Shallowford Road, Suite #202.

(423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com

Beaters 9 p.m. The Tin Can, 618 Georgia Ave. (423) 648-4360. www.thetincanchattanooga.com

Duration, The Ariel, Clara Beasley, Layman’s Envy 7:30 p.m. Club Fathom, 412 Market St. (423) 757-0019.

American Aquarium 10 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market Street. (423) 443-3849. myspace.com/marketstreettavern

Third Grade Hatters 8 p.m. Ziggy’s Hideaway, 607 Cherokee Blvd. (423) 634-1074.

Crawfish Gordon with Chair 10 p.m. Midtown Music Hall, 818 Georgia Ave. (423) 752-1977. www.midtownmusichall.com

Chris Volpe 8 p.m. Charles & Myrtle’s, 105 McBrien Rd. (423) 892-3109.

Dexter Bell & Friends 8 p.m. The Foundry @ The Chattanoogan, 1201 S. Broad St. (423) 424-3775. www.chattanooganhotel.com

8oz-Enuff, The Explorers Club 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644.

Daikaiju vs. The Tammys vs.

Bring the Witch 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400.

Sunday Music All Day 1 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market Street. (423) 443-3849.

Kraig Kenning 8 p.m. Charles & Myrtle’s, 105 McBrien Rd. (423) 892-3109.

Preston Parris 6 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd #202.

(423) 499-5055.

Dexter Bell & Friends 8 p.m. The Foundry @ The Chattanoogan, 1201 S. Broad St. (423) 424-3775.

The White Collar Sideshow, Children 18:3, Send Out Scuds 7 p.m. The Warehouse, 5716 Ringgold Rd., East Ridge.

Heypenney, The Distribution, Parachute Musical 9 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400.

Stephanie Hammett, The Short Bus Extravaganza 7:30 p.m. Club Fathom, 412 Market St. (423) 757-0019.

Jermaine 10 p.m. Midtown Music Hall, 818 Georgia Ave. (423) 752-1977. www.midtownmusichall.com

Backslyde, Suffercell, Six to Never 8 p.m. Ziggy’s Hideaway, 607 Cherokee Blvd. (423) 634-1074.

Jukebox Night 10 p.m. T-Bone’s, 1419 Chestnut St. (423) 266-4240. www.tboneschattanooga.com

Tuesday

Wednesday

The Ben Friberg Trio 7 p.m. Table 2, 232 E. 11th St. (423) 756-8253.

Hotpipes, Prabir and the Substitutes 5 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400.

The Handshake Murderers 7 p.m. The Warehouse, 5716 Ringgold Rd., East Ridge. www.myspace.com/warehousetn

Fireside Lounge 4021 Hixson Pike, (423) 870-7078.

Johnston-Brown 8 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd #202.

(423) 499-5055.

Lucky’s 2536 Cummings Highway, (423) 825-5145.

Spoken Word/Poetry Night The Riverhouse, 224 Frazier Ave. (423) 752-0066.

Oakhurst 9 p.m. Midtown Music Hall, 818 Georgia Ave. (423) 752-1977.

Tremont Tavern 1203 Hixson Pike, (423) 266-1996. www.tremonttavern.com

Open Mic Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike (423) 266-1996. www.tremonttavern.com

Jeff Renfro 9 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com

The Pulse 5.21.09 www.chattanoogapulse.com

One Year Anniversary Show 15 Bands All Day Noon. The Warehouse, 5716 Ringgold Rd., East Ridge. www.myspace.com/warehousetn

Dark Hollow Band and Out and Running In between a cookout contest and the usual market fun come two bands with easy listening folk rock-a-by sound you can digest.

No cover 12:30 p.m.

Chattanooga Market, First Tennessee Pavilion, 1829 Carter Street. www.chattanoogamarket.com

Open Jam w/ Jeff Daniels 4 p.m. Ms. Debbie’s Nightlife Lounge, 4762 Hwy 58.

(423) 485-0966.

Irish Music 6:30 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike, (423) 266-1996.

Robert Bass, Hap, others 9 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia Abbey Road Live 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644.

Editor’s Pick: Featured Event Of The Week

Ben Friberg Jazz Trio 6:30 p.m. Market Street Tavern.

850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. myspace.com/marketstreettavern

Uncle Lucious (Tx), The Magpies (Oh) 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia

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Joe Evans Trio 7 p.m. Blue Orleans Creole Restaurant, 3208 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 629-6538.

Jason Isbell and the 400 Unit Former Drive-by Truckers members cut to the quick, distancing themselves from the alt-country label and embracing a new teeth-jarring rock sound. (see story this week) Saturday, May 23 $12, 10 p.m.

Rhythm and Brews, 221 Market Street.

(423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com

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Free Will Astrology GEMINI (May 21-June 20): A couple I know planned to have their second baby delivered at home with a midwife’s help. The father is a physician who assisted with childbirths during his residency, so he and his partner felt confident about conducting their rite of passage outside of the hospital. But once the mom’s water broke and labor began, everything happened faster than expected. The dad gave the midwife an urgent phone call, but the kid was already crowning.

“Don’t cut the umbilical cord right away,” the midwife advised. “It will minimize the shock of transition if the baby can get the hang of breathing while still being nurtured as she has for the last nine months.” That’s exactly what they did. And I hope you will do the metaphorical equivalent, Gemini. Keep getting fed the old way for a while as you learn how to be fed in the new way.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): I swerve to avoid running over spiders that cross my path when I’m riding my bicycle. While at home, I prefer to shepherd flies out through an open door or window rather than swat them. I’m still not sufficiently enlightened that I’ve stopped trying to squash mosquitoes that dive-bomb me while I’m falling asleep, however. I’m working on it, but may need a few more years of meditation before I bring my reverence for all insect life up to the highest level. The way I see it, my fellow Cancerian, you’d benefit from working on a similar project in the coming weeks: improving your relationships with influences you don’t have a natural affinity for.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world,” wrote anthropologist Margaret Meade. “Indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.” An excellent example of that occurred during America’s Revolutionary War against England from 1775 to 1783. Of all the men in the 13 colonies who could have fought for freedom, only 16 percent did. I hope that gives you encouragement as you seek to fix a glitch in the status quo. You and your band of allies have more power than you know.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Up to one-tenth of the population is left-handed. Yet for centuries, even as late as the 1950s, there were social stigmas against left-handers—similar in some ways to the perverse prejudice that has been directed toward homosexuals. So strong was the taboo that many parents tried to convert their naturally left-handed children into righties.

Thankfully, this absurd form of repression is now defunct. (Five of the last seven American presidents have been left-handed.) But it’s a good reminder that there are countless other ways in which our culture still attempts to coax us or force us into not being who we really are. But here’s the good news: It’s an excellent time for you Virgos to reject the pressure to be someone else and get back to where you once belonged.

Reunite with the person you were destined to be!

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): The Tower of Terror is a thrill ride at Disney World. Riders are yanked up and down as they travel along a 199-foot pillar. A Florida woman named Denise Mooty believes this form of amusement is essential to her health. She says the extreme G-forces she’s exposed to on the ride help dissipate the fibrous adhesions in her belly. I recommend a similar kind of therapy for you, Libra. Not to break up fibrous adhesions, since you probably don’t have any, but rather to jostle your mental blocks, repetitive fantasies, and obsessive habits. They might just break into pieces and dissipate if you shake them in the right way.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): It’s your choice, Scorpio. You could be a creative dynamo who changes the course of local history—or you could be a plain old boring sex maniac. What’ll it be? We here at the Free Will Astrology Libido Management Center encourage you to at least partially sublimate your unruly mojo into beautiful works of art, innovative business solutions, and brilliant strokes of collaboration.

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By Rob Brezsny

JONESIN’

By Matt Jones

“Pig Out!” –external appearances count.

You don’t have to stop boinking altogether; just make it the second most important thing you rather than your raison d’etre.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): The planets are conspiring to unleash energies that will touch you in ways you didn’t realize you needed to be touched. Any minute now you may begin to feel a pleasurable burning sensation in your soft underbelly, or a prickly wake-up call in your willpower, or a ticklish electricity running through your funny bone. What does it all mean?

Maybe nothing. Or maybe it means so much that you can’t possibly analyze its meaning. What a valuable gift that would be! When is the last time you felt free of the need to have to understand everything?

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): A long-time Capricorn reader named Allison wrote me an apologetic email. She said that she has always loved my horoscopes, and still loves them, but for the foreseeable future she’s got to stop reading them. “Please don’t take it as an insult, because it’s not,” she wrote. “I just need to be less subject to outside influences for a while.

Maybe that will help me get better at paying attention to my own intuition.” I understood exactly what she means. According to my analysis, this is one time when you may have to shield yourself from the noise around you—even the good and interesting noise -- in order to hear your own inner voice better.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Rolling Stone magazine has said that sixties folk singer Tom Rush (born February 8) was a major force in launching the era of the singer-songwriter. He’s been lying low for a while, though. Recently he came out with his first new studio album in 35 years. I’m guessing that, like him, quite a lot of other Aquarians will also be climaxing new creations as 2009 unfolds—perhaps even works that are long overdue or that have been extraordinarily slow in the making. And what happens in the next few weeks will be crucial in that process.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): “All the problems we face in the United States today,” said comedian and presidential candidate Pat Paulsen, “can be traced to an unenlightened immigration policy on the part of the American Indian.” With that as your inspiration, Pisces, I urge you to take inventory of your own “immigration policy.”

It’s an excellent time to do so, astrologically speaking. Here are some questions to guide you.

What influences do you allow to pour into your sphere? Are they beneficial for your long-term mental health? What people do you invite to share your resources? Do they bring out the best in you? Do you have smart boundaries that keep out the bad stuff and welcome in the good?

ARIES (March 21-April 19): The fleas infesting dogs’ skin have greater leaping power than the fleas on cats. Why do you think that is, Aries?

Maybe you should use your waxing brainpower to get to the bottom of this great mystery. Just kidding! While it is true that in the coming weeks you will have unusual skill in deciphering enigmas and clarifying ambiguities, I think you should direct that skill to really important matters that will improve your life for months to come—not to trivial questions like fleas’ jumping abilities.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Studies show that when most people take a shower, they lather the upper part of their bodies first and make their way down. I recommend that you take the opposite approach this week, Taurus. In fact, I think a similar strategy would be wise in just about everything you do. Start at the bottom and work your way up. Establish yourself at the ground level and then take care of the higher stuff. Pay respect to the roots and then tend to the branches.

Homework: What other name would you give yourself if you could take a vacation from your present name? Why? FreeWillAstrology.com.

The Pulse 5.21.09 www.chattanoogapulse.com

Across 1 Lozenge ingredient 5 Rob of “Brothers & Sisters” 9 Clinton’s veep 13 Baldwin of “The Departed” 14 In the blink ___ eye 15 Kuwaiti currency 16 Pick some date fruit off the tree 18 “Oh no!” in Norwegian areas of the Midwest 19 Cupcake topper for some girls’ birthday parties 21 Tour gp.?

24 Golden ___ Golf (bar video game) 25 Surround-sound device 26 Daniel Craig role 28 “___ Hope” (1980s ABC soap) 31 Laura of “Jurassic Park” 32 Brothers with a 2009 movie 34 Get ideas 36 Baked ham garnish 41 Salami style 42 Parting word 44 “QuiÈn ___?”

47 Misogynistic Beastie Boys song 50 Twist the statistics 51 Seizes by force 53 Org. that publishes Physician Specialty Codes 55 ___ out a living

56 Sausage or mushrooms, e.g.

60 Schick product 61 How your waistline may get if you pig out?

65 99, e.g.

66 Prefix with commuting 67 Fox News contributor Karl 68 A little bit pissed 69 Tire leak sound 70 Ben’s comedy costar Down 1 Kill mosquitos outdoors, perhaps 2 Wrigley Field’s st.

3 Not alt 4 Letters on old Soviet rockets 5 Temporary ride 6 Like some singing in grade school assemblies 7 The ___ look (stickskinny fashion trend) 8 Many a Caltech grad 9 They may be placed in a higher class 10 Flaming 11 Gilda of the original SNL cast 12 Christopher Paolini book 15 Check for prints 17 First aid box 20 “Evening Shade” narrator Davis 21 Popular lunchbox sandwich, for short 22 Gwyneth Paltrow’s website

23 ABBA member ___Frid Lyngstad 27 Song that elicits images of “Top Gun” 29 How some stocks are sold 30 Stars’ org.

33 “What’d I tell ya?”

35 “From my cold, dead hands” gp.

37 Far-from-calm feeling 38 “In Seed Comes Fruit” band ___ Dog Pondering 39 Company with a current web ad featuring naked runners 40 Word after band or film 43 Director Boll of 2005’s “Alone in the Dark” 44 Toyota sports cars 45 Cheese in a bagel flavor 46 Game show device 48 They were big in the ‘70s 49 Vanquishes, medieval-style 52 “___-Time Lover” (Stevie Wonder song) 54 Colony dweller 57 Selects 58 Co. leader 59 Sandwich served with tzatziki 62 Deferential gesture 63 “___ seen worse...”

64 ___-Y (today’s twentysomething crowd)

©2009 Jonesin’ Crosswords (editor@jonesincrosswords.com) For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle #0414.

AskAMexican

by Gustavo Arellano

Yo ho ho and a Bottle of Tequila Dear Mexican, My wife and I have an argument going on about pirates. And since you are the source for all things Mexican. I’d thought I’d ask: While I know there were Spanish and Portuguese pirates back in the early 1600s and 1700s, were there EVER any MEXICAN pirates? Not pirates from Spain who pirated in Mexico, but REAL HONEST TO HAY-SOOS MEXICAN PIRATES! Would be interesting to know!

— Pirates Pat McGroin and The Right Reverend One Eye

Danny Trejo gets the badass roles, Antonio Banderas gets the leading man roles, and character roles go to Cheech (in case of a small budget, maybe Tommy Chong, but he’s cast more for being an old stoner than Mexican). With the blooming careers of truly great Mexican directors Alfonso Cuarón and Guillermo del Toro, don’t you think Hollywood should give some other Mexicans a chance in the limelight?

Cheech is already rich—let someone else have a slice of the pie!

— Celluloid Culero

his ultimate causa was the same as European unionists at the turn of the 20th century: a fair shake for the working man. When millions march for amnesty for the undocumented, it’s a protest against a hypocritical, Byzantine immigration system that entangles all foreigners, not just Mexicans. Whites fighting for “white” rights only shows how freaked some gabachos get about realizing that minorities are actually, finally being treated like Americans.

If trying to battle hate makes me a racist, then here’s a Roman salute to your face, pendejo.

Dear Gabachos, It depends on what your definition of “pirate” is. If you’re looking for a famous swashbuckler from the days of Blackbeard, tough tamales: historians never bothered to glorify the numerous buccaneers who ransacked Spanish galleons laden with the gold and silver of Mexican mines off the Mexican coast. The most famous Mexican pirate was Fermin Mundaca, who operated a contraband empire from the island of Islas Mujeres off the coast of Quintana Roo during the mid-1800s—but Mundaca was a Spanish native.

Why look back in the past, though, when so many Mexican pirates exist in the present? Piratería is as Mexican an industry as tortillamaking and immigrant-smuggling: the International Federation of Phonographic Industry, an international organization that fights music piracy worldwide, estimates Mexicans make more than $220 million off of illegal CDs, most sold at the nearest swap meet, bodega or taco truck near you. And before some of you readers start insinuating that such a startlingly large amount is somehow indicative of the Mexican culture’s tendency to steal, what would you call file-sharing?

Dear Gabacho, No argument from me, except Tommy Chong and Antonio Banderas ain’t Mexican!

Ask the Mexican at themexican@ askamexican.net, myspace.com/ocwab, find him on Facebook, Twitter, or write via snail mail at: Gustavo Arellano, P.O. Box 1433, Anaheim, CA 92815-1433!

Dear Mexican, Do Mexicans get annoyed that whenever a Hollywood movie calls for a Mexican character actor, Cheech Marin gets the job? This is great for Cheech, but must be bad for Mexican actors struggling to land a good part in Hollywood.

Dear Mexican, If we stereotype a person by drawing attention to the fact that someone is Mexican instead of the content of their actions, why do minority cultures celebrate the very fact that, say, Mexicans fought for certain types of rights? Aren’t they stereotyping themselves by doing so?

If I did the same thing as a white person, I’d be considered racist. So, why aren’t you considered racist as well?

— 14/88

“An international organization that fights music piracy worldwide, estimates Mexicans make more than $220 million off of illegal CDs, most sold at the nearest swap meet, bodega or taco truck.”

Dear Gabacho, I’ve contestado many a silly question in this column, but yours takes the pastel as the stupidest I’ve yet answered. What Know Nothings such as yourself don’t understand is that when minority groups struggle for civil rights, they’re merely calling America on its founding bluff—you know, that whole “all men are created equal” bullshit.

So, when Mexican parents in Orange County in the 1940s sued four school districts for segregating Mexican kiddies away from gabachitos, the parents didn’t do it just to benefit wabs; the resulting lawsuit, Mendez vs. Westminster, served as a precedent to the muchmore-famous Brown vs. Board of Education.

When Cesar Chavez marched and fasted for justice in the fields, www.chattanoogapulse.com 5.21.09 The Pulse

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