The Pulse, Vol. 6, Issue 23

NIGHTCLUB POLITICS • SCULPTURE • WALKING FOR UGANDA

Summer 2009

Fun, Sun, Music, Arts, Travel, Chest Waxing News, Views, Arts & Entertainment • June 4 - June 10, 2009 • Volume 6, Issue 23 • www.chattanoogapulse.com • pulse news 95.3 WPLZ

CONTENTS T H E P U L S E • C H AT TA N O O G A , T E N N E S S E E • J U N E 4 , 2 0 0 9 • V O L U M E 6 , I S S U E 2 3

COVER STORY

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NEWS & VIEWS 5 PULSE BEATS

19 ON THE BEAT

The newsy, notable and notorious.

White weighs less than gold.

8 NEWS FEATURE

21 LIFE IN THE ‘NOOG

Nightclubs and politics.

Lettin’ the music do the talkin’.

14 SHRINK RAP

29 ASK A MEXICAN

The story of Louis, part one.

Muy Caliente Summer Edition.

ARTS & FEATURES 16 ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT By Michael Crumb With numerous new installations impending, a walking tour of outdoor sculptures from Main Street to the Art District will provide some excellent exercise for the mind and body.

20 FILM FEATURE

By Phillip Johnston We asked our film reviewer Phillip Johnston to select his top picks for summer movies. He gives us his top five, from Julia and Julia to Up.

22 DRIVING DIVERSIONS

By Janis Hashe Recent visits to two “villes” within a couple of hours of Chattanooga have sussed out some great finds for the arts-inclined. Summer might just be the perfect time for a daytrip to either Huntsville, Knoxville or both.

24 MUSIC FEATURE

By Hellcat and Chuck Crowder We asked our resident music experts to pick the best upcoming music shows. It’s going to be another great summer for music in Chattanooga, between Riverbend, Nightfall and the various clubs.

Cover photography by Damien Power • Hair & Makeup by Zach Cooper

MANNING UP FOR SUMMER

By Misty Brandon “Man up.” That term has always confused me. I am not a man, so maybe I just don’t understand. I’m pretty sure every boy and man in America has been told to “man up” at some point in their life.

Does “man up” equate to athletic skills, hunting and maybe even just drinking beer? Could it be that the way we view men’s roles is archaic? “Man up” does not seem to apply to grooming habits.

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EDITOON LETTERS TO THE EDITOR CITY COUNCILSCOPE THE LIST POLICE BLOTTER CHATTANOOGA STREET SCENES

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A&E CALENDAR MUSIC CALENDAR NEW MUSIC REVIEWS FREE WILL ASTROLOGY JONESIN’ CROSSWORD

The entire contents of this publication are copyrighted and property of Brewer Media Group.

No part of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the express written consent of the publishers. The Pulse utilizes freelance writers and the views expressed within this publication are not necessarily the views of the publishers or editors. The Pulse takes no responsibility for unsolicited manuscripts, photographs, artwork or other materials.

The

Editoon

by Rick Baldwin

Publisher Zachary Cooper zcooper@chattanoogapulse.com Contributing Editor Janis Hashe jhashe@chattanoogapulse.com News Editor/Art Director Gary Poole gpoole@chattanoogapulse.com Calendar Editor Stephanie Smith ssmith@chattanoogapulse.com Advertising Sales Rick Leavell rleavell@chattanoogapulse.com Editorial Intern Erica Tuggle etuggle@chattanoogapulse.com Contributing Writers Gustavo Arellano, Blythe Bailey Misty Brandon, Rob Brezsny Aaron Collier, Elizabeth Crenshaw Chuck Crowder, Michael Crumb Rebecca Cruz, Hellcat Phillip Johnston, Matt Jones Rachael Kraemer, Jeremy Lawrence Louis Lee, Ernie Paik Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D. Damien Power, Stephanie Smith Alex Teach, Robert Yates Art Department Sharon Chambers Kelly Lockhart Damien Power Alisha Whalen Editorial Cartoonist Rick Baldwin Staff Photographer Damien Power Contributing Photographers Bob Edens Ray Soldano Todd Staley Contact Info: Phone (423) 648-7857 Fax (423) 648-7860 E-mail info@chattanoogapulse.com Advertising advertising@chattanoogapulse.com Calendar Listings calendar@chattanoogapulse.com The Pulse is published weekly and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publishers may take more than one copy per weekly issue. The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors.

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1305 Carter Street Chattanooga, Tennessee 37402 phone (423) 648-7857 fax (423) 648-7860 Letters to the editor must include name, address and daytime phone number for verification. The Pulse reserves the right to edit letters for space and clarity. Please keep letters within 500 words in length.

The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on culture, the arts, entertainment and local news.

Member

Letters to the Editor The Revenge of Riverbend Editor’s note: The following is a condensed version of a response to the“Life in the Noog” column of May 14, “Summertime Blues”. For the full text, visit www.chattanoogapulse.com

O.K., I give. I had promised myself NOT to respond to the Riverbend Whineathon Chorus this year but Chuck Crowder’s pathetic little postfrom-the-pitty-pot…finally gored my ox. I forgave “Hellcat’s” trotting out the tired old clichés (and outright lies) about the festival from a few weeks ago.

She’s probably too young to remember how weak the lineup used to be and too eager to please her friends in the music biz to actually go against the flow of “the cool crowd” who pump up their own sense of musical superiority by bashing the tastes of the mainstream majority. But Chuck knows better. He’s got, roughly, the same taste in music as my central peer group. I see him out at most of the events I attend. And you know what? I’ll see him at Riverbend, enjoying the same side stage acts, proudly wearing his media credentials, boasting of his total lack of personal investment in the festival, support of it, involvement in it, etc… But criticism comes easy. And it’s “cool”… …Surely everyone’s figured out by now that Riverbend will never be Bonnaroo, or Telluride, or even Merlefest, which all have the luxury of

focusing on one particular fanbase or target demo. This festival, bound to its own mission statement, must strive to be all things to all people in this area.

That means country, rock, urban… something to please…and something to displease everyone… …Chuck…You mentioned the side stage acts being weak. That’s funny. In the same column you praised Nightfall for bringing Mofro to town (Riverbend 2004) and Enter the Haggis (Riverbend 2007). Even “Hellcat’s” column on one incarnation of “The Drive-By Truckers” (Riverbend 2004), would lead one to believe you actually found our side stage acts worthy of praise… …Let’s say we only hit the mark 20 percent of the time. Is the regular weekly programming of Rhythm and Brews to your liking 20 percent of the time? Probably not. But you won’t bitch and complain about the “substandard” booking there because it’s not “cool” to criticize a popular nightspot run by a friend. You stated we had booked a bunch of “cover bands”? I’m assuming here, but I’m looking at the lineup and I see one “tribute band” and I think that’s what you were aiming at. The aforementioned venue books more of those types of acts than anywhere I’ve ever seen...apparently they work. And by my count, we booked ONE. Wander

up to the Unum stage the night “The Last Waltz” is playing and see how many disappointed, sad faces you see… …So, just to make clear, you called the following artists “pathetic”: Bettye Lavette, The Hard Lessons, New Monsoon, Darrell Scott, Lloyd Maines, The Coalmen, Cedric Burnside, Bernard Allison, Outformation, The Deep Vibration, The Persuasions, Simplified, Cornmeal, Carrie Hasler and Hard Rain, Angie Aparo, Chubby Carrier, Midnight Star, Walt Wilkins, Paleface, Barrage, the Gaslight Street Band and The Outlaws.

Well, I’ll make sure to personally hand them a copy of your column before their respective shows, with your name and the line about their talent level highlighted. Maybe they’ll dedicate a song to you. I’d go so far as to point out your connection with the music series you’re so famously central to... but I’d never want to poison the waters between our two, NON-COMPETING series in that manner.

Besides, these guys might go through a sudden and surprising surge of talent expansion one day and be able to pass muster through your rigorous musical testing. But, mark my words, and as you said in your column...remember these names, you’ll hear them again one day.

— Jeff Styles, Chattanooga

Send all letters to the editor and questions to info@chattanoogapulse.com We reserve the right to edit letters for content and space. Please include your full name, city and contact information.

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Pulse Beats

Quote Of The Week: A rundown of the newsy, the notable, and the notorious...

“I’m disappointed that the governor would use his veto power to abridge the Second Amendment rights of law-abiding Tennesseans.”

— – State Representative Curry Todd, sponsor of a vetoed bill that would allow Tennessee residents to carry handguns into restaurants and bars.

Students Walking For Uganda The carnage may be taking place half a world away, but for four college students at the University of the South, it hits close to home. A war in Uganda has been going on longer than any of them have been alive. “People are calling this the greatest human atrocity since World War II,” says Luca Koritsanszky, the group’s leader. Luca and her friends, Compton Fields, Reed Tyson and Keri Bryan aren’t the types who can sit idly by knowing that children are in danger.

They worry about the youth of Uganda, an African nation a little smaller in area than the state of Oregon. For the last 23 years, a rebel war has been raging. The soldiers in this war are neither willing nor able to stop participating in it. “For this war,” says Luca, “they are using child soldiers.”

“It’s a kind of phenomenon,” adds Compton Fields, “These children have had to walk miles each night to public places such as hospitals and train stations so they can sleep in numbers to escape fear.” Known as “night commuters,” the children leave their villages every night because they fear that members of the Lord’s Resistance Army will abduct them in their sleep and force them to fight on the front lines of a guerrilla war waged against the government of Uganda.

“If they live in the middle of nowhere, alone, it’s more likely they’re going to be abducted,” says Compton, “so they sleep together in numbers.

And to symbolize that, we are walking with them.”

The quartet wanted to bring attention to the situation in Uganda, and they felt it would be appropriate to walk with the children, metaphorically.

They plan to walk from their school in Sewanee, Tennessee, to Washington D.C. during their summer break.

Having left on May 31, the students expect their journey to last about 70 days. “It began as us wanting to walk there and wanting to talk to people in higher power,” explains Luca, “but it has turned more into just meeting people along the way and talking to them and raising awareness that way.” They still hope to talk to the Tennessee Congressional delegation, but it’s not the focus of their journey.

Some of the things they want people to know about Uganda’s “invisible children” is that they are captured and

Here is one of the more interesting agenda items set to be discussed at the June 9 meeting of the Chattanooga City Council.

13. Recognition of Persons Wishing to Address the Council on Non-Agenda Matters.

forced to fight when as young as five years old. The Lord’s Resistance Army, organized by Joseph Kony in 1987, has a troop strength estimated as high as 3,000. The bulk of these “soldiers” are children between 5 and 15 years old.

It’s believed they use these children because the mortality rate is so high, and these children can be easily replaced by raiding small villages and schools. It’s estimated that as many as 10,000 children have died as a result of the fighting.

The Lord’s Resistance Army has been listed by the United States as a terrorist organization. According to a report by the United States Embassy there, “The LRA has no political program or ideology, at least none that the local population has heard or can understand.”

The International Criminal Court has issued arrest warrants for Kony, his deputy Vincent Otti and eight others

charged with “Crimes Against Humanity”.

While Kony is elusive and mysterious, his stated purpose for fighting this war is to remove the dictatorship and stop the oppression of the people of Uganda.

So now the four will begin their walk of 800 miles from here to the nation’s capital. They will have cameras, cell phones, water and extra insoles for their shoes. They will sleep in campgrounds, homes of friends and wherever they can along the way. And we will make the journey with them…by remote control.

The students will call in to Pulse News radio on 95.3 FM every Wednesday afternoon to give us an update on their trip. They’ll let us know who they met, talked to, what kind of reaction they’re getting and where they’re headed next on their walking journey.

Camp Jordan Getting Bigger?

If the East Ridge city council gets its wish, Camp Jordan Park will be getting a lot bigger. It has approved a deal with Luken Holdings to transfer 120 acres of wooded land to the city provided it is successful in its request for federal stimulus money to pay for the land.

The city is asking for $1.6 million under the Tennessee Watershed Floodplain Protection Program to fund the deal. The benefit for Luken Holdings is that part of deal would require East Ridge to spend $500,000 to build a couple of billboards on the property that would face Interstate 75 and then lease them back to Luken for $1 a year for the next 100 years.

City Manager William Whitson said he has been told the request for the funds is “at the top of the list” among the various local stimulus funding requests, largely because of the stated goal of creating a nature preserve next to Camp Jordan. The land in question is heavily wooded and even with its proximity to the highway is not considered prime real estate for either commercial or residential without a very large investment in roads and other infrastructure.

For the past several weeks, this column has been devoted to the two mosttalked-about ordinances on the council agenda, the ones covering the creation of an auditor position for the council itself and the changing of the zoning ordinance in relation to nightclubs.

However, every single time we’ve written about those two ordinances, they’ve ended up being deferred or tabled to the point where we are unsure if and when they will ever be formally voted upon. Our News Feature this week covers the latest ins and outs of the nightclub ordinance, which should be coming back before the council this coming Tuesday, but as we’ve seen the past several months, there are no guarantees.

So, this week, our City Councilscope focus is on a part of the weekly agenda that cannot be tabled or deferred. It’s the part of the meeting where any citizen can address the council directly on issues that have not already been covered.

Recent issues raised during this part of the meeting have dealt with everything from needing a wheelchair cut placed on a new sidewalk intersection, the need for better communication about garbage pickup changes, a call for an investigation into what one business owner felt were unfair electrical inspections, and a woman who complained of random drive-by shootings in East Chattanooga.

If you’ve ever thought that “something needs to be done” about a certain situation or problem in the city, this is your chance to bring it to the attention of the people who can actually do something about it.

The Chattanooga City Council meets each Tuesday at 6 p.m. in the City Council Building at 1000 Lindsay St. For more information on the agendas, visit www.Chattanooga.gov/City_ Council/110_Agenda.asp

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A weekly roundup of the newsworthy, notable and often head-scratching stories gleaned from police reports from the Chattanooga Police Department, the Hamilton County Sheriff’s Office, the Bradley County Sheriff’s Department and the Dalton Police Department.

Ten Fun Things To Do This Summer 1. Float down a slow river on a tube.

2. Go swimming with all your clothes on.

3. Learn to throw a boomerang.

4. Play croquet with party beverages.

5. Sleep on your roof.

6. Make snowballs with shaved ice.

7. Have a snowball fight.

8. Cook your breakfast on an outdoor fire.

9. Buy a movie projector and show old movies on the side of your house at night.

• Criminals often do their best to hide their illegal activity, but not all of them are successful. A man trying to pry open a soft-drink vending machine in front of an East Brainerd Road business was spotted in action by a passing police officer.

As the officer circled back around, he noticed the man ducking behind the machine several times as other cars passed. The officer was able to sneak up on the man and arrest him in the act, although the man nearly got away while being placed in the police car. Making matters a bit more confusing is that the man, who had no identification, gave officers a number of different names.

• Police receive “emergency” calls from a lot of people who seem unable to understand exactly what the word “emergency” means. Take for instance an incident last week in which officers responded to a complaint call from

• What type of criminal situation calls for the use of a handgun to defend oneself? In the mind of a Cleveland City Councilman, attempting to steal his lawnmower was threatening enough. George Poe told police that a man and a woman were observed trying to steal his lawnmower. When he confronted them, they jumped into a waiting car and drove away, but not before he

Chattanooga Street Scenes

10. On a super-hot day, fill up a kiddie wading pool, then sit in it for most of the afternoon.

Summer is the time of year when it’s OK to let the brain take a break, just relax, and go with the flow. The days are longer, the pace of life a bit slower, and it’s the perfect time to get out of the house or office.

And considering how much rain we’ve already had, there will be lots of things to do in and on and near the Tennessee River and the various lakes.

The best advice we can give is simple: Get outside and just DO something. There will be plenty of time for television in the fall when things cool off again.

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a woman staying at a Rossville Boulevard motel. When officers arrived, they were not met with a domestic disturbance call, but instead a very irate woman who demanded that the officers force her boyfriend to…take a bath. She was upset over the lack of personal hygiene exhibited by the man and somehow thought that by calling the police she could force him to clean up. The officers told her that she had no reason to call them out and that she needed to deal with the matter herself. The boyfriend agreed to find another place to stay and left the motel, hopefully heading somewhere that has a shower.

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fired off a couple of shots at the fleeing vehicle. He then gave chase in his own vehicle, with the pursuit ending when the suspects crashed into two other cars. Both the Tennessee Bureau of Investigation and the Tennessee Highway Patrol are investigating the incident.

• A lot of people enjoy using their middle finger to express themselves, but sometimes that can lead to greater problems. A resident of the upscale Enclave neighborhood in Hixson did just that to respond to a neighbor waving and shouting at him to slow down as he drove down the street.

Unfortunately, the neighbor then showed up at the front door of the resident’s house, forcing his way in and creating a disturbance that ending up involving not just the resident but his wife and teenage son. The neighbor, who is a neighborhood official, was eventually subdued and held until police arrived, when he was taken into custody and charged with three counts of assault and one charge of aggravated burglary.

Photo by Staff Photographer Damien Power

Steve and Barbie enjoy the sunshine at Renaissance Park.

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NewsFeature

by Gary Poole

Nightclubs and Politics: Can The Two Peacefully Coexist?

F

or years, politicians, police and beleaguered residents have tried to find ways to deal with a number of problem nightclubs in the city, predominantly in the Brainerd area. From overly loud music pumping out of the clubs, to drug dealing and outright violence, a small number of clubs have caused a disproportionate amount of trouble. Which has led local leaders, both elected and community, to try and find legislative solutions to the problem. Unfortunately, a solution that appeals to all is proving to be elusive.

In a lengthy debate, involving nearly every member of the Chattanooga City Council, along with neighborhood representatives who addressed the council, a proposed change to the zoning ordinance that sought to regulate and restrict where nightclubs could locate in the city was tabled until next week so that members of the Legal & Legislative Committee can take another look at suggested changes.

The original ordinance, drafted at the behest of Councilmember Carol Berz, who represents the Brainerd area in which a large number of problem nightclubs are located, would have required any new establishment that seated more than 50 people to seek a Special Use permit from the council, and further would have restricted them from being located within 1,000 feet of a residential district.

The ordinance had already been deferred once for two weeks to allow the council more time to hear from opponents and supporters and had finally come before the full council for a first reading on Tuesday night.

However, several council members and all of the audience members who spoke before the council had issues with several aspects of the ordinance, most notably the 1,000-foot setback as well as the thinking behind the ordinance itself. Councilman Peter Murphy questioned how the 1,000 feet would be measured, stating that the current ordinance was from

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“Several council members and all of the audience members who spoke before the council had issues with several aspects of the ordinance.” property line to property line, which in developments such as Eastgate Town Center, would be the edge of the parking lot instead of the front door of the actual business. Councilmember Sally Robinson agreed, saying that a “portal to portal” designation would be more appropriate.

Robinson also felt that 1,000 feet was a bit excessive and that 500 feet would be much more reasonable when dealing with “good neighbor” business owners. Berz explained that she had called for 1,000 feet because of the “bowl” nature of Chattanooga’s geography, which she feels allows noise to carry much further, and said that 500 feet was not enough. “This is a preventative ordinance to avoid future problems,” she said. “It’s meant to improve the quality of life for everyone in the city.”

Speaking in opposition to the proposed ordinance, Beverly Whitley noted that under current law a business needs a minimum seating capacity of 75 to qualify for a liquor license, pointing out that the ordinance would therefore affect every single new restaurant. “This would hurt established chains as well,” she told council members. “We need to go back to the drawing board. We need an ordinance to restrict the current clubs, not just future establishments.”

Nadine Berg echoed Whitley’s

comments, saying citizens need an ordinance to protect everyone. “We need an ordinance about inclusion, not exclusion. We need to keep diversity in Brainerd as well as needing to heal certain areas that are sick.”

Not everyone was against the ordinance. In fact, James Gillem felt that the city hasn’t done nearly enough to deal with the current problems. He told council members that he felt the ordinance would be very beneficial in dealing with all the noise issues surrounding a number of clubs operating in the Brainerd area, but also wants much stronger enforcement of current law against those that violate the city’s noise ordinance.

Councilman Andrae McGary summed up the mood of the room by calling for council members to go back to the drawing board and come up with a new plan that addresses ways to crack down on problem clubs, yet still encourages business growth from responsible owners. His comments were met with applause from a number of people in the audience. At which point, Councilman Murphy moved to table the motion for two weeks so that the Legal & Legislative committee, which he chairs, could take another look at a modified ordinance. The motion passed unanimously.

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Cover Story

Man Up For Summer With summer upon us, it’s time to get in shape for the season of bare chests and legs. While women have for years dealt with the discomforts and inconveniences involved in spray tanning and body waxing, this summer it’s time for the guys.

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Cover Story

The Excellent Adventure of Josh & Chef Mike

by Misty Brandon

“M

an up.” That term has always confused me. I am not a man, so maybe I just don’t understand. I’m pretty sure every boy and man in America has been told to “man up” at some point in their life. Does “man up” equate to athletic skills, hunting and maybe even just drinking beer? Could it be that the way we view men’s roles is archaic? “Man up” does not seem to apply to grooming habits. This doesn’t make sense, because I do not know a woman who doesn’t like her man to be well groomed.

It was my mission to convince my two male co-workers that they could man up by taking care of themselves. My first stop was A Better You Salon and Day Spa. The salon is tucked away on Center Street and has a conservative sign that proudly displayed their name. I glanced over at my friend Mike. He seemed relatively all right with the impending pedicure and waxing. The spa had a relaxing vibe and the music was very low-key and soothing.

A lovely young blonde named Samantha introduced herself. I had to smile, staring at this beautiful, tiny blond trying to massage Mike’s size 13 feet. He seemed a little leery but denied

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being nervous. I asked Samantha if she had many male clients, and she laughed at the question. She said that she did—and most were not even gay.

Mike chimed in saying that is why he doesn’t get his toes done. He does not want to appear gay.

I couldn’t help but be confused at how having a young lady massage and groom your feet could be seen as gay. As I pondered this, Mike started to chuckle, because his feet are ticklish. He warned her by saying to be careful. “All I need is a cut cuticle,” he said.

Samantha soaked his feet and Mike started talking to my other friend Josh about the military.

He talked about all things manly, in fact. I didn’t know if this was a way to make him feel less awkward or if he just wanted to talk. The young lady laughed and made conversation about how her husband was in the military. I could see Mike’s nervous tension fall away at each clip of a toenail. She buffed his feet but did not shine the toenails because she said that the shine makes the feet less masculine.

After the pedicure, Mike soaked his feet in a Margarita soak. Yes, a Margarita soak. It’s a blend of sea salt, lime and coconut. A shot of Jose Cuervo is even thrown in. Now, what is manlier than a shot of tequila? Josh, of course, then dared Mike to drink the watery concoction. I told the guys to calm down because we had a fun waxing coming up.

Talitha, the owner of A Better You, introduced

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herself and took us to a room to get waxed. It was a very private room, nice and cool. The ambiance was set with relaxing music and waterfalls. However, Mike did seem very nervous about the thought of hair being ripped from his chest. I reminded him that most women want a smooth chest on guys for the same reason guys like smooth legs on women. Talitha agreed and then explained the upcoming procedure. She told Mike very calmly that there would be “some discomfort”. She said that is very common for men to get waxed. (The most requested procedure by men in general is back waxing.)

“It was my mission to convince my two male coworkers that they could man up by taking care of themselves.”

She applied the room-temperature wax and then long strips. The waxing started. She ripped the wax strips quickly so that it burned less. Mike did squirm a couple of times and there were some grimaces around the nipple area. This was to be expected. It was finally over and Mike lived to see another day. He said that it was uncomfortable but bearable. Now, he had a beach-ready chest—

Cover Story and looked very masculine still.

The next day, I was honored to open the eyes of another male friend of mine. He was getting spray tanned. Color on a male or female always looks better. My friend Josh is kind of a tech nerd and spends a lot of time with gaming. He looks as if he barely ever sees the sun.

I attempted to make him excited about the upcoming experience by telling him how hot a tan looks on guys. He did not seem to believe me.

We arrived at a charming tanning salon called Sun Shak.

An attractive, petite brunette named Katie introduced herself. She explained the whole process of spray tanning and told Josh it is normal for men to get spray tanned. Katie talked about the lotions and gave Josh disposable sandals. Josh said he was sweating. I was attempting not to laugh. He removed his clothes down to his boxers. (I then busted out laughing.) She calmed him down and started the whole process. First, he put lotion on his face, elbows, knees, and toes. This is important to prevent streaking on these dry areas. She warned Josh that it would be cold and took out her airbrushing device. Josh stared at the device as if it was the most foreign object on the planet. Katie went on to say that it was not going to hurt him.

Oh yeah, I forgot…guys are so manly.

She started a base coat on the feet and legs first. Josh’s attitude seemed to lighten as his skin became darker. It took only about 30 minutes and there was no orange “Oompa Loompa” effect. Katie said the personal spray tans last eight to ten days and are only 30 dollars per session. Josh was proudly walking around the room showing off his color. He also said he felt like a superhero because of his lightening sticker that was sprayed over and he now brandished a new skin tattoo.

Yes, though tan, he was still a nerdy man.

Overall, Josh and Mike seemed to truly enjoy themselves at the salon and spa and were better looking for it. I mentioned to both guys today that my next mission for them is facials.

And, if they try to tell me no, I will simply tell them to man up.

Do “Real Men” Go To Spas?

by Gary Poole

L

et me come right out and admit it upfront: I have never set foot in a true spa. Many men of my generation have eagerly adapted to things our fathers would have never condoned, such as haircare products, body washes, scented aerosol sprays, even tanning beds. But at the same time, it is very difficult for many of us who were raised on G.I. Joe and He-Man to make that final step into true spa pampering.

It just goes against the entire guy nature to allow someone to do our nails or place hot rocks on our body or slather some bizarre vegetable-based concoction on our faces.

We’re guys. We like watching football, drinking beer and cutting down trees. So why on Earth would any of us ever consider taking the spa plunge?

The answer is simple, and a basic truth that can be used to fire back at our buddies who would belittle us in our decision.

Women like the end result. That is the end-all and be-all of being a guy. If we can endure something uncomfortable and slightly alien to our nature that will result in us being more attractive and accessible to the opposite sex, we’ll do it. Ladies, you don’t honestly think we use “product” because we like the way our hair looks, do you? Nope, most men would be quite happy to have a Grizzly Adams coif but for the simple fact that the only female Adams ever attracted with that look was a bear.

“Most men would be quite happy to have a Grizzly Adams coif but for the simple fact that the only female Adams ever attracted with that look was a bear.”

So, listen up guys: Here are the things you can find and suffer through (or at least tell your guy friends it made you suffer) that will make you look nicer, feel better, and impress the ladies.

Gentleman’s Facials - It may look really strange, but the stuff they’ll slather on your face is for deep cleansing and exfoliation to soothe and invigorate your skin. It’s helpful in reducing shaving bumps and other skin irritations as well as creating an overall smoother shave. Towel wraps and pore cleansing are common—

just don’t ruin the effect by immediately going out for chicken wings and ribs afterwards.

Microdermabrasion - Tiny crystals are used to exfoliate the skin to remove fine lines and acne scars.

Repeated treatments encourage collagen and elastin growth, further improving skin appearance. You don’t think Brad Pitt and George Clooney have smooth skin just by accident, do you?

Brow care - Clean up bushy eyebrows with tweezing or waxing. We know that waxing is scary (just ask Chef Mike), but taming that unibrow can do wonders in attracting the fairer sex.

Sports Massage - Got your attention with the word “sports”, didn’t I? Relax and soothe muscles that have taken a pounding from sports and exercise. This deep massage will help injuries heal as well as prevent additional ones. And let’s face it, a rubdown feels good no matter what the reason, but using, “It’s for an old sports injury” makes it sound much more manly.

Manicures - Don’t recoil in fear. You might be surprised how many professional men get manicures on a regular basis. In fact, a good manicure is almost a necessity in today’s white-collar world.

So there you have it. Now, the next step is to call and schedule an appointment. And if you really want to score brownie points with your special lady friend, schedule her for something at the same time.

Trust me. I’m a guy.

95.3 Pulse News www.chattanoogapulse.com 6.4.09 The Pulse

13

ShrinkRap

by Dr. Rick

The Story of Louis, Part One A

hh, June. Ahh, summer!

The season of Nightfall, Riverbend, and the tradition of family vacations.

What you may not know is that June has another tradition. It is also the month of gay pride parades, festivals, and celebrations. While here in Chattanooga (as well as in Atlanta, West Palm Beach, and a growing number of Southern cities) the celebrating is a bit later in the year, after it’s cooled off some, June has traditionally kicked off gay rights activities across the country.

I want to tell you a story. This is the story of Louis. And I believe Chattanoogans will identify.

Long ago in a practice far, far away, “Louis” knocked on my office door.

He decided it was time to come out to his family, and he knew he’d be facing some very potent homophobia. “Mine is not a family that keeps up with the times,” he told me. As far as he knew, no one else in the family had ever come out. At least no one had spoken of such a thing—not in his family.

His family lives in an outlying suburb of Los Angeles that has a long history of citrus farming, a declining occupation in Southern California’s fast-growing urban sprawl. Although Louis considers his family to be loving, hardworking, and honest people, in conversations with me he’d been clear about their lack of sophistication when it comes to topics outside of immediate family concerns, which center around health, extended-family occasions, church, and their farming business.

Getting to know about their gay son’s life, friends, sig others, and interests would definitely stretch their envelopes.

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Louis realized this prior to talking with them, even though he was already out in most of his life—to friends, colleagues, and acquaintances.

Louis is in his mid-thirties and is a well-respected, successful screenwriter.

He lives in L.A., has many friends, both gay and straight, and for the most part is quite content with who he is and where he’s heading in his busy life, both personally and professionally. Currently single, he has experienced enough counseling to have an understanding of his strengths and weaknesses, and accepts both with a sense of humor and lighthearted charm that make him enjoyable to be around.

He is a good friend to his friends, attends church, volunteers at several food banks, and is basically a happy, generous, self-aware guy.

Through travel and professional experience, Louis has evolved quite a bit beyond the boundaries of his family’s worldly limitations. So when he decided to come out to them, he began with his brother, “Tom.” He and Tom had always been very close during childhood, and have remained so, despite their differing directions in life.

One night over dinner, Louis told Tom he was gay. Tom’s reaction was fairly subdued; he claimed he’d “suspected” it, but hadn’t wanted to say anything, feeling that it was none of his business. He said he loved Louis the same whether he was gay or straight. “It really wasn’t a big deal to him,” Louis told me. “He is, however, the most open-minded of the brood. There’s still mom and dad to get through.”

“But,” he continued, “Tom strongly advised me not to say anything to our parents, aunts or uncles, which wasn’t

The Pulse 6.4.09 www.chattanoogapulse.com 95.3 Pulse News

really a shock. None of us [six siblings] thinks that their generation would even know how to begin to understand me.” Louis eventually worked his way through his other siblings, mostly with very positive results. “Even when my sister had some difficulty with it, she still reminded me that she loves me whoever I am. It was encouraging.”

Louis’s situation highlights a very real issue for many gay people who are out in some aspects of their lives, and it’s an issue that carries a price.

Both psychological and practical snags occur in the other areas: the emotional burden of carrying a secret because it doesn’t feel safe not to do so, and having to watch what is said in certain circles, for fear of ostracism or retaliation. No other population in the civilized world has to carry such a burden of anxiety simply because they love who they love.

When preparing to come out to the important people in one’s life, there’s a lot at risk. That’s how it feels. The mere anticipation of rejection contains tremendous emotional and psychic distress. It’s the reason people stay in the closet. And, I’m saddened to say, I’ve witnessed various forms of rejection of gay and lesbian individuals ranging from having to quietly live a lie among family and other loved ones, to being put out onto the street—at ages as young as 16—due to family intolerance once the truth was “found out.”

Most gay people learn by necessity to develop a thick skin, a task which becomes all the more important when the rejection comes from the people you most care about and love. Can you relate to this? Even if you’re not gay, perhaps you’re the black sheep of your family, the one who married

“When preparing to come out to the important people in one’s life, there’s a lot at risk.” outside race or religion, or you’re the raging liberal in a clan of raging conservatives, or you’re otherwise “different” and risk some degree of ostracism, some difficulties, because of it. Even if you yourself cannot relate, I guarantee that someone you care about, someone in your family, can.

Next week we’ll look at how to deal with the fear, confusion, and anxiety that surrounds the coming out process, not only for the person coming out, but also for the loved ones who have to face their own beliefs and feelings as they struggle with understanding, acceptance, and the healing power of love. Stay tuned.

Until then, ancient Chinese wisdom teaches that, “Courage is not the absence of fear or despair, but the strength to conquer them.”

Dr. Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist, minister, and educator, in private practice in Chattanooga, and is the author of “Empowering the Tribe” and “The Power of a Partner.” Visit his website at www.DrRPH.com where you can email your questions and comments.

95.3 Pulse News www.chattanoogapulse.com 6.4.09 The Pulse

15

Arts&Entertainment

by Michael Crumb

Summer Outdoor Sculpture Stroll W

ith numerous new installations impending, a walking tour of outdoor sculptures from Main Street to the Art District will provide some excellent exercise for the mind and body. “Atmosanctum” by Evan Lewis can be an admirable destination. From earth to sky, this kinetic joy provides an environment to rest and to contemplate. Benches set beneath the flying steel allow the view from beneath, after its lovely motion has beckoned one to it. The River Gallery has installed three pieces by Andrew Crawford, “Launch”, “Bull”, and “Battleship”. His piece “Pure Americana” already has prominence at the Hunter.

The Hunter Sculpture Garden, adjacent to the River Gallery and to the First Street Sculpture Garden, draws folks outside of regular museum hours. Here a teenage girl photographs the butt of Harold Cash’s figure “Da-Lal”; by such increments consciousness grows. “Sanctuary”

by Brower Hatcher with its complex symmetries and embedded objects seems to alter the very sky, lending it a translucent quality when viewed from beneath. Deborah Butterfield’s “Boreal”, a lovely horse—another is inside the Hunter— includes a tribute poem by artist William Wiley, a poem as charming for me as John O’Hara’s poem on initiation into cinema.

Other more whimsical pieces delight children, promoting such engaging energy. John Henry is represented

“At the other end of this sculpture trek, the Main Street Urban Sculpture Display will shortly significantly expand.”

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here, as well as on Main Street (at the firehouse).

The poet Shelley reminds us that “Delight” remains an essential component of poetry—and art!

The First Street Sculpture Garden roams down the hill from the Walnut Street pedestrian bridge, extending into the downtown area below.

The cement construction “Sea Whisper”

by Valeria Yamamoto presents such an elegant concept that, paradoxically, embraces its basic medium. There are so many more excellent pieces to be found in these adjacent gardens to reward avid explorers.

At the other end of this sculpture trek, the Main Street Urban Sculpture Display will shortly significantly expand. Isaac Duncan III’s “Matriarch” will be installed in front of Alleia during the first week in June, along with five other sculpture installations, one of which is already in place. Joining works

by David Akhriev and Rey Alfonso, whose semi-impossible “Celestial Clockwork” reminds us of the microcosm, from Bryan Strickland’s intricate “Gate”, the Main Street sidewalks will become more populous with wonders.

Also, past Main and Market, folks can wonder at the giant, many thousands of watts of light that has been installed behind Hiroshi’s. Now people living in adjoining apartments have much more ambient light—and the stars are fleeing. I guess we’ll see how the moon compares.

Rachel Hildebrandt’s article in the current Number, the Memphis art magazine, provides an overview of the Main Street and First Street Sculpture Gardens. People can contact Peggy

Townsend for specific times of Main Street installations. Her office number is (423) 643-6096.

I would recommend heading from Main Street to the Art District via Market Street. There are lovely brick constructions along the way. At Market and Cowart the elegant brick “Railroad Hotel” stands close to a great example of commercial kitsch, Porkers BBQ “Lady Pig”, and if she is on the sidewalk, one can head inside for a most satisfactory gastro-sortie!

Further along, one may discover that the TVA has brought us more coalash. A move to Broad Street shows the public library’s inspiring book fountain where Elizabeth RogersDecosimo’s “Big Cat” looms through the lobby glass. Back over to Market Street one finds Cessna Decosimo’s “Police Memorial”, worthy of study, though its subject is sad. A happier example of Cessna’s work, “Man and Dog”, resides by the entrance of the Tallant Financial Center, across MLK from the Read House. Continue down Market to more brick constructions, and you will find yourself just a hop, skip, and a climb to the Art District.

Hey, haven’t we been here before?

A&ECalendar

Send your calendar events to us at calendar@chattanoogapulse.com

Friday

Thursday Historian Norman Lansford presents “The Native American People in the Hamilton County Region before the Cherokees” 6:30 p.m. Downtown Public Library, 1001 Broad St. (423) 757-1310. www.lib.chattanooga.gov

“The Salty Side of Sweet: Works by Kirsten Stingle” Mixed-media human figures that may have come from another universe.

AVA Gallery, 30 Frazier Ave. (423) 265-4282. www.avarts.org

Booksigning with Robin Hemley, author of DO-OVER! In which a forty-eight-year-old father of three returns to kindergarten, summer camp, the prom, and other embarrassments 7 p.m. Rock Point Books, 401 Broad St. (423) 756-2855. www.rockpointbooks.com “And the Iron Did Swim,” photography by Mary Barnett Tanner Hill Gallery, 3069 S. Broad St., Suite 3. (423) 280-7182.

Short Attention Span Theatre Ten Minute Play Festival Five playwrights from Chattanooga, Chicago, Cincinnati, and New York City are represented in a festival of eight short plays. $8 7:30 p.m.

St. Andrews Center, 1918 Union Avenue. (423) 987-5141. ensembletheatreofchattanooga.com

Saturday

Riverbend Eat & Greets: Bill Nershi

Gary Dull 8 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233.

Art by Terry West Studio 2/Gallery 2, 27 W. Main St. (423) 266-2222.

Art by Harry Kippes Lookout Mountain Gallery, 3535-A Broad St. (423) 508-8117.

“A Modern Twist” River Gallery, 400 E. Second St. (423) 265-5033.

“The Untold Story of the Great Black Jockeys” Chattanooga African-American Museum, 200 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-8658. www.caamhistory.com

ensembletheatreofchattanooga.com

ETC’s Short Attention Span Theatre: 10-Minute Play Festival 3 p.m St. Andrews Center Theatre, 1918 Union Ave. (423) 987-5141.

“The Salty Side of Sweet: Works by Kirsten Stingle” AVA Gallery, 30 Frazier Ave. (423) 265-4282.

Tuesday

Wednesday

Art by Harry Kippes Lookout Mountain Gallery, 3535-A Broad St. (423) 508-8117. www.lookoutmountaingallery.com

“Fine Art Bird Photography” by Dan Williams Bill Shores Frames & Gallery, 307 Manufacturers Rd., Suite 117. (423) 756-6746.

“Art til Dark” - featured artist, Christina Glidden Noon. WinderBinder Gallery, 40 Frazier Ave. (423) 413-8999. www.winderbinder.com

“Sweet Dreams” - a one-woman show by Kimberly Dawn Clayton WinderBinder Gallery of Folk Art, 40 Frazier Ave. (423) 413-8999. www.winderbinder.com

“Jellies: Living Art” Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944.

Southern Connections 8 p.m. Circle Theatre, Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.com

ETC’s Short Attention Span Theatre: 10-Minute Play Festival 3 p.m. St. Andrews Center Theatre, 1918 Union Ave. (423) 987-5141.

Southern Connections 8 p.m. Circle Theatre, Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534.

Southeast Veterans Museum Chattanooga Ducks building, | 201 W. 5th St. (423) 756-3825. southeastveteransmuseum.com

“A Barage of Butterflies” Houston Museum of Decorative Arts, 201 High St. (423) 267-7176.

Gary Dull 7:30 & 10 p.m. The Comedy Catch & Giggles Grille, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com

ensembletheatreofchattanooga.com

Bob Dombrowski’s sculpture Linda Woodall Fine Arts, 7836 Ooltewah-Georgetown Rd. (423) 238-9985. www.crossline.com/lindawoodall

Poetry Open Mic Night 7:30 p.m. Barnes & Noble, 2100 Hamilton Place Blvd.

(423) 893-0186.

Grand Opening of Mosaic Market (indoor artist market open every Sat from 11 - 5) 11 a.m. 412 Market St. (corner of 4th and Market). (423) 624-3915.

No additional cover.

2 p.m.

The Blue Plate, 191 Chestnut Street, #B. (423) 265-4282. www.theblueplate.info

“Celebrate!”

Hanover Gallery, 111 Frazier Ave. (423) 648-0533.

Works by Stephen Scott Young and Brett Weaver Shuptrine Fine Art & Framing, 2646 Broad St. (423) 266-4453.

Sunday

He of Emmitt-Nershi and The String Cheese Incident play bluegrass.

Monday

Reception for “Spring into Summer” 5:30 p.m. In-Town Gallery, 26A Frazier Ave. (423) 267-9214.

Chattanooga Market GreenWorks Home and Garden Day

“Zero Sum: Experiments in Game Theory” CreateHere, 33 E. Main St., Suite 105. (423) 648-2195. www.createhere.org

Plant you now, dig you later at the Market.

“Coal Miner Health in Appalachia” photo exhibit Downtown Public Library, 1001 Broad St. (423) 757-1310.

Free 11 a.m. – 4 p.m.

Chattanooga Market, First Tennessee Pavilion, 1829 Carter Street. chattanoogamarket.com

“New Work by Lorraine Christie and Bruno Zapan” Gallery 1401, 1401 Williams St. (423) 265-0015.

Editor’s Pick: Featured Event Of The Week

Dr. Tammy L. Ingram presents “The Second Battle of Chattanooga: Positioning the Dixie Highway in the Good Roads Movement” 7 p.m. Chattanooga History Center, 615 Lindsay St., Suite 100. (423) 265-3247. www.chattanoogahistory.com

Poetry Night 7 p.m. CreateHere, 33 E. Main St., Suite 105. (423) 648-2195.

Riverbend/The Bend Unplugged: “The Music of Coal” and photo exhibit

“Fine Art Bird Photography” by Dan Williams Bill Shores Frames & Gallery, 307 Manufacturers Rd., Suite 117.

(423) 756-6746.

ETC’s New Play Tuesdays: The Land of Royal Blood by Garry Lee Posey 7 p.m. St. Andrews Center Theatre, 1918 Union Ave. (423) 987-5141.

Art by Terry West Studio 2/Gallery 2, 27 W. Main St. (423) 266-2222.

ensembletheatreofchattanooga.com

“A Modern Twist” River Gallery, 400 E. Second St. (423) 265-5033.

The title “The Music of Coal” comes from a book published a few years ago by Jack Wright, Paul Kuczko and Lonesome Records and Publishing that tells the story with words, pictures and songs of American coal miners. The Hunter Museum is participating by displaying an internal series of black and white photographs by Lewis Hine until June 30.

Works by Stephen Scott Young and Brett Weaver Shuptrine Fine Art & Framing, 2646 Broad St. (423) 266-4453. www.shuptrinefineart.com

“The Untold Story of the Great Black Jockeys” Chattanooga African-American Museum, 200 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-8658.

$5 Daily, 5 p.m.

The Tennessee Aquarium Auditorium in River Journey, Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad Street (800) 262-0695. www.tnaqua.org

95.3 Pulse News www.chattanoogapulse.com 6.4.09 The Pulse

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The Pulse 6.4.09 www.chattanoogapulse.com 95.3 Pulse News

OnTheBeat

by Alex Teach

White Weighs Less Than Gold I

t seemed that the rich should weigh more than the poor by some kind of financial proxy, but this skinny old bastard seemed as light as a feather as I carried him in his jammies over my shoulder out of the entrance of his palatial estate and ultimately to the lessthan-sanitary confines of the rear of my ’89 Caprice.

Two things were certain: He had built the subdivision I was carrying him out of in cuffs, and many others, with the 1040 long form to prove it. And he was a 12 in a chart of “Cocksuckers” numbered from 1 to 10. The things that came out of his thin, parchment-like lips were incredible, but I suppose I hadn’t worked the projects by that point in my career and deserved being duly impressed, given the handicap.

“Sol” was 80 years old and had gotten into an argument with his wife of 50 years over the subject of jewelry placement, and wasn’t going to take no for an answer, even if the jewelry in question didn’t exist. He insisted his wife was hiding such from him in attempt to obfuscate her assets for court purposes, and never considered the possibility that not only did such articles not exist… but that if she were to divorce him, it wouldn’t be for purposes of amassing wealth so much as it would be to escape living with such an irascible asshole, whatever the financial benefits. Either way, he fit into the backseat nicely, having by admission

backhanded his 72-year-old wife.

For editorial and personal purposes I tend to avoid the subject of race, but he was in fact an old white male. (OK, make it editorial purposes; I am not allowed by oath, action or inaction, to give a crap about race.) I arrived at his estate through the call of a wise neighbor who heard the scuffle in question, and was informed of what she had been accused of and how he “had handled it”. His stature in his eyes was apparent as it was explained that disciplining his wife for offenses (substantiated or not) was justified by his acquaintanceship with Mayors Roberts & Rose, as well as Police Chief Cothran and several others in his administration.

His accomplishments followed shortly, particularly the construction of the neighborhood to which we responded in the greater East Brainerd area.

I began to explain my own position as an interloper lightly, but my status as one upholding the domestic violence laws (updated in 1998) firmly. When this made no headway, I explained that his cited political protectors were, for the most part, dead, or out of office. Unfortunately, this made little difference to him.

His wife had a black eye and a bloody nose and held her right arm with her left with great curiosity, and after negotiations failed I informed him he would have to be taken by force to see a magistrate if necessary, and instead of complying, he steeled himself in a doorway, at which time my partner looked at me and

shrugged. As the junior officer, I took the implied initiative to walk up and seize his wrists. He went limp as a noodle, and after another exchange of glances, I knew I was left to simply hoist the old bastard over my shoulder and haul him in to the Quiet Room. He refused to don more than his current attire of thin cotton red & white striped pajamas.

Here enters our Author.

He was the first, but by no means the last of many wealthy customers in my trade. The reasons varied (with the exception of the presence of alcohol on one side or the other), but by and large they were all White, Old, and Connected.

East Brainerd in particular was populated by such tin-pot dictators, but I actually became used to it.

Some were blue-collar wrecker owners, others were land barons of one scale or the other, but I found all were subject to the laws of ordinary men and the State of Tennessee.

Is that why I prefer working the hood these days, and its inherent fairness across the board? Or am I a self-hating Caucasoid? I don’t know…but fortunately, I don’t care, because I have a firm grasp on one universal fact: Being an asshole knows no race.

Particularly in East Brainerd.

Good luck to the remainder of us “little people”, yeah?

“Am I a self-hating Caucasoid? I don’t know… but fortunately, I don’t care, because I have a firm grasp on one universal fact: Being an asshole knows no race.”

Alexander D. Teach is an occasional student of the University of Tennessee at Chattanooga and a graduate of Central High. In his spare time he enjoys carpentry, auto mechanic work, boating, and working for the Boehm Birth Defects Center.

95.3 Pulse News www.chattanoogapulse.com 6.4.09 The Pulse

19

Film Feature

by Phillip Johnston

Top Five Summer Screen Picks Editor’s note: We asked our film reviewer Phillip Johnston to select his top picks for summer movies. Here’s what he said:

5. Julie and Julia. Meryl Streep stars as Julia Child…and it’s not even Oscar season! Julie & Julia is the new comedy from writer/director Nora Ephron (Sleepless in Seattle, When Harry Met Sally), a story about chef extraordinaire Julia Child and New York office worker Julie Powell’s attempt to live her life vicariously through the famous chef’s memoir My Life in France. Starring Amy Adams as Julie, Ephron’s new film looks like 90 minutes with two charming actresses having the time of their lives.

4. Away We Go. Jon Krasinski (aka Jim Halpert from NBC’s The Office) gets his first notable big-screen role this summer in Sam Mendes’ Away We Go. Although director Mendes (American Beauty, Revolutionary Road) seems to be playing with that self-conscious indie-film aesthetic here, it’s reassuring to see that this story of an expectant couple traveling around the US to find the perfect place to start their family has been written by none other than Dave Eggers, author of A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius.

3. 500 Days of Summer. Joseph Gordon stars as Tom, a puppy-dog-faced twenty-something slogging the days away in a greeting-card company cubicle. He’s almost falling asleep at a company meeting one morning when he sees her: Summer (Zooey Deschanel), the new girl—an improbably cute young woman with bewitching blue eyes that flash with more mystery than sex appeal. He’s immediately in love, but Summer turns out to be a lot more complicated than he originally thought.

After gathering a huge following at film festivals across the nation, director Mark Webb’s 500 Days of Summer finally gets a theatrical release this July. With an irresistible soundtrack and a blunt, observant, and highly unconventional screenplay, 500 Days of Summer deserves to be a box-office hit.

2. The Brothers Bloom. If you haven’t seen director Rian Johnson’s first film Brick, a brilliant modern film noir starring teenagers, then you should, asap. If you have, then the web site for The Brothers Bloom should tell you all you need to know: “A con man love story by the people who made Brick, starring Adrien Brody, Rachel Weisz, Mark Ruffalo, Rinko Kikuchi, Robbie Coltrane, Maximilian Schell, a one-legged cat and one drunk camel.” Need I say more?

1. Up. Disney/Pixar’s Up, the tale of a balloon salesman named Carl Frederickson who ties thousands of helium balloons to his humble home to finally achieve the dreams of his late wife, is a grand animated adventure aimed squarely at adults but with humor that kids of all ages will appreciate. It’s the kind of movie audiences crave; a stirring emotional experience and a grand ride, helmed by folks who know how to tell a story better than most live-action filmmakers working today.

“With an irresistible soundtrack and a blunt, observant, and highly unconventional screenplay, 500 Days of Summer deserves to be a box-office hit.”

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The Pulse 6.4.09 www.chattanoogapulse.com 95.3 Pulse News

LifeInTheNoog

by Chuck Crowder

Lettin’ The Music Do The Talkin’ T

wo weeks ago I did a column on the struggles regional music festivals are having this year in particular due to the uncertain economy. I mentioned how some festivals are scaling back talent, or even cancelling altogether. I wrote of how talent agents are making deals to get bands booked, and how festivals are doing everything they can to make up for missing sponsorship dollars.

But the main purpose of my piece was to point out how lucky we in the Noog are to have not one, but two such festivals happening as planned despite all of this. Both haven’t gone without their share of struggles this year. And this may have caused both to draw in the reins a little tighter when it came to shelling out talent fees.

Being on the Nightfall committee, I have seen the effects on that festival first hand. And I’m sure Riverbend has experienced the same challenges. Both festivals try very hard to represent the musical taste of everyone who might want to attend. But being “all things to all people” never goes without criticism.

Poor Riverbend gets knocked around like a redheaded stepchild each and every year by music snobs like me. And my column two weeks ago took some pot shots at this year’s lineup like sitting ducks on a barge stage. But the point I was trying to make is that the Riverbend side stages, which have delivered some of the finest talent this town’s ever seen over the years, in my opinion may have suffered in this economic downturn. That’s because after quickly glancing through the schedule I saw many of the same names of the same bands I see playing local clubs around here all of the time.

In making that point, however, I not only deeply offended a Riverbend talent committee member

and local radio talk-show host who will remain nameless because he’s bigger than me, but in one broad stroke I also discounted many acts that are in fact talented. Very talented.

Now, musical taste is about one of the most subjective qualities you’ll find in a person. It never ceases to amaze me that people can actually listen to an entire Dave Matthews song without aiming their car at a telephone pole or hitting themselves in the head with a sledge hammer. But they do.

And because of my musical taste, my column didn’t rightfully recognize more than a couple of Riverbend side stage acts worth seeing. In fact, I summed up the entire shebang as “pathetic”—which was harsh. So after reviewing the schedule one more time, and a lot more carefully, I’ve chosen some other Riverbend acts that I would likely see if I could fathom weeding through tens of thousand of teenagers and old people in order to enjoy them.

In addition to Adrian Belew and Alejandro Escovedo I mentioned last time around who shouldn’t be missed, some of the better acts include reggae legends The Wailers, zydeco king Chubby Carrier, bluesman Cedric Burnside and ’80s funksters Midnight Star.

There are alternative acts Christabel & The Jons, Dexateens and Paleface, all of which are not only fantastic, but play JJ’s Bohemia on MLK on occasion. There are Dead Confederate, Angie Aparo and Downstream, who you can check out at Rhythm & Brews and Midtown if you happen to miss them at Riverbend.

And there’s one act (dual act actually) that I failed to mention two weeks ago that should actually be playing the Coke stage (maybe instead of Three Dog Night).

The Lee Boys with the Travelin’ McCourys should not, under any circumstances, be missed. The McCourys are, of course, bluegrass legend Del McCoury’s backing band

“Poor Riverbend gets knocked around like a redheaded stepchild each and every year by music snobs like me. And my column two weeks ago took some pot shots at this year’s lineup like sitting ducks on a barge stage.” and the Lee Boys are probably one of the finest Southern-fried funk R&B acts I’ve seen in a long time. I caught their show in a small Atlanta club not too long ago and Allman Brothers Warren Haynes and Oteil Burbridge joined them onstage for most of the night.

So maybe I jumped the gun a little and didn’t give Riverbend its due two weeks ago. Or, at least maybe I made Nightfall sound much, much better by comparison.

But like the point of my column last time, both festivals are a coup for Chattanooga, and should be supported with your attendance— and beer money.

Chuck Crowder is a local writer and general man about town. His opinions are just that. Everything expressed is loosely based on fact, and crap he hears people talking about. Take what you just read with a grain of salt, but pepper it in your thoughts. And be ure to check out his wildly popular website www.thenoog.com

95.3 Pulse News www.chattanoogapulse.com 6.4.09 The Pulse

21

DrivingDiversions

by Janis Hashe

Arts-ville Times Two R

ecent visits to two “villes” within a couple of hours of Chattanooga have sussed out some great finds for the artsinclined. Summer might just be the perfect time for a daytrip to either Huntsville, Knoxville—or both. If you thought Huntsville is just the Space Center, or Knoxville just the Vols, you’re in for a surprise or two.

Hot in Huntsville Besides its beautiful location in Big Springs International Park in the heart of downtown, the Huntsville Art Museum has an impressive collection that’s well worth the drive.

Through August 2, it’s featuring “Art from the Collection: Saints & Sinners”, covering a wide swath of history from the Middle Ages through now. The museum recently acquired a coveted private collection of art by women artists, 1850-1940, and will be showing some of the 250 pieces starting September 20. I was fortunate to get a preview of some of the art, and “Highlights from the Sellars Collection” is definitely going to be a must-see for art-lovers.

300 Church St. S. (256) 535-4350. www.hsvmuseum.org Closed Mondays.

The six-year-old Flying Monkey Arts Center is a whole barrel of artists from many disciplines. Housed in a circa-1900 converted cotton textile mill, the FMAC is home to the Film Co-op, Squeaking Tribe Puppets, Crash Boom Bang Theatre, several artists’ studios, and other ventures.

Visitors can see shows and films

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in the 450-seat theatre, shop in stores such as Karma Rags and Vertical House Records, and, on Saturdays from noon to 4 p.m., see worksin-progress in open studios. Check the calendar on their web site for upcoming events.

Lowe Mill, 2211 Seminole Drive, Huntsville 35805. www.flyingmonkeyarts.org If, like many, you love old hardware stores, Harrison Brothers Hardware needs to be on your list.

At its present location since 1897, the store was a working business until the death of the last brother in 1983.

It’s now a combination of “hardware museum” (many of the shelves and merchandise have been preserved just as they were), and retail store with windy corridors displaying everything from candy to folk art.

124 Southside Square.

(256) 536-3631. Closed Sundays. harrisonbrothershardware.com Huntsville’s got some stellar restaurants as well. I recommend The Jazz Factory for its diverse menu and cool upstairs martini bar/pool room (109 Northside Square, 256-5391919), Dolce for fab atmosphere and updated Italian food (in Bridge Street Town Center, 256-327-8385) and the charming Le Bistro du Soleil for French food (300 Franklin Street SE, 256-539-7777).

For more information about visiting Huntsville, go to www. huntsville.org Knocking Around in Knoxville An artists’ colony called the Downtown North Arts District is growing up around IronWood Studios, where you can view Preston Farabow’s dynamic metal sculpture

The Pulse 6.4.09 www.chattanoogapulse.com 95.3 Pulse News

and the custom woodworking of John McGilvray. The large reclaimed building houses both artists’ workspaces, a gallery, and is frequently used for events as well.

119 Jennings Ave. (865) 2159933 (McGilvray Woodworks). www.mcgilvraywoodworks.com/ IronWood_Studios.htm On downtown main drag Gay Street, stop in at Yee-Haw Studios. If you’ve visited Hatch in Nashville, this old-style but superhip printmakers will look familiar. Yee-Haw also has a selection of cards, prints and other items for sale, excellent for unique gifts.

413 S. Gay Street. (865) 522-1812. www.yeehawindustries.com Further down Gay Street (in the middle of a construction zone) is the Emporium Center for Arts & Culture, a lovely reclaimed 1895 building housing offices and studios. At least one exhibit is usually going on here.

My favorite of the studios was that of Judi Gaston, a fiber artist who creates both wearable art and “clothes” that are really sculptures.

100 S. Gay Street. (865) 523-4543. www.knoxalliance.com If, like me, you are a vintageclothes lover, make a beeline for the Old City, where two fabulous stores are within a couple of blocks of each other. Sanctuary Village is one of the nicest vintage places I’ve ever been in (and that’s saying a lot). Great selection, meticulously laid out.

121 W. Jackson Avenue.

865-525-0730. www.sanctuaryvillage.com Around the corner is Legacy Cultural Recycling, which has clothes, décor items and some furniture.

117 S. Central. 865-523-7335.

The Old City is known for its happening night life, but if you’re there during the day, stop in at antiquarian bookstore Woodward Books and help keep independent bookstores alive!

108 E. Jackson Avenue.

(865) 591-9263.

And please keep at least an hour for browsing through massive Willow Creek Gallery across the street. This antiques place contains an amazing collection of furniture, décor and art items and just stuff mostly collected by the owners themselves on frequent trips to France and England.

115 E. Jackson Avenue. 865-5251925. www.willowcreekgallery.com For noshing in Knoxville, consider the casual and yummy Trio (13 Market Square. 865-246-2270. www. trio-café.net) or “Nuevo-Latino” La Costa on Market Square (31 Market Square. 865-566-0275. www. lacostaonmarketsquare.com).

More info about visiting Knoxville can be found at www.knoxville.org

95.3 Pulse News www.chattanoogapulse.com 6.4.09 The Pulse

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MusicFeature

by Hellcat and Chuck Crowder

The Best Of Summer Music We asked our resident music experts to pick the best upcoming music shows.

Hellcat’s Picks: How about I plan out your whole summer? I am going to be so thorough that even if you secretly listen to Kenny G, if you keep showing up at all these events you will convince the most elitist of music snobs that you have good taste. Oh, and fellas, pay attention because this summer line-up that I am about to divulge may be the missing ingredient to improve your chances in wowing that super-cute indie girl you’ve had your eye on all this time. Feel free to send thank you cards. (Ingredient Two: buy her a PBR or seven.)

JJ’s Bohemia is a place you just can’t lose. Let me give you a rundown. In June alone, they have Coral Castles, our indie-pop favorites, Giant Tigers, which I am glad to see are still playing together, and don’t forget the return of Forest Magic to the area, after a short break in Chicago. Sound good? That’s only one night.

Also, coming up at JJ’s, we have The Bohannnons, who you can’t go wrong with and if you are a Chattanooga native and haven’t indulged yourself with one of their shows then you should be ashamed of yourself. They will be rocking with Chuck Regan, a member of one of my all-time favorite bands, Hot Water Music. If you have a white belt, you know Heypenny, and you probably attended the show not too long ago. I have a band you should check out from the same stomping ground in Nashville, the Mean Tambourines. They will be kicking up some awesome with Mocking Bird, a newer ensemble made up strictly of musicians committed to at least one other band. With any luck and hopefully a beer limit, The Tammys will take the stage to rock their unique sound. Cutthroat Shamrock, a personal favorite of mine, will be tearing up the stage several times this summer. Taxicab Racers have convinced my ears that they are a band to pay attention to and fortunately they will be playing JJ’s Bohemia, Nightfall, and Market Street Tavern so you have plenty of chances to catch them.

One of my all time favorite bands, The Icons, which you will hear plenty more about in the coming months,

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will be reunited and ruling face this summer. Stay tuned for their Midtown debut and possibly a stint at a certain someone’s JJ’s birthday bash. Speaking of bands coming together, the newly developed Eris is going to be rocking their brand new tunes all over Tennessee in these summer months, but you can catch them here at Rhythm & Brews this weekend with Downstream and Turncoat Conspiracy (formerly Black Betty) right after Riverbend. These guys will also be hosting a favorite Knoxville band, Vertigo, that have successfully clawed their way to the top of touring success at a new Chattanooga venue, The Lowdown, in July. This new venue was the old Local, and let me just say, the venue now has bathrooms with stalls and doors on them—for both genders!

Will wonders never cease? The downstairs performance space has had the ceiling raised and a green room built, so you should probably check it out.

The Reverend Horton Heat will be riding his upright bass crew into Chattanooga mid-June at Rhythm & Brews, which I will discuss in more detail next week with an interview. Don’t miss Dead Confederate playing Riverbend, who hail from Athens and are seriously better than we deserve. Also, the River City Hustlers will be jamming the same festival, along with the Dexateens, an awesome Alabama band, and Deep Vibration, (who you may remember me writing about) out of Nashville. You know, this is a lot to remember, so because I like you, I will make a calendar for you to reference at www.hellcatpromotions.com.

Chuck’s Picks: • Willie Nelson Riverbend, June 6 During the early ‘70s, Willie aligned himself with Waylon Jennings and the burgeoning outlaw country movement that made him into a star in 1975. Following the crossover success of that year’s The Red Headed Stranger and “Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain,” Nelson was a genuine star, as recognizable in pop circles as he was to the country audience.

• B-52’s Riverbend, June 11 In 1979, they issued their self-titled debut album, a collection of manic,

bizarre, and eminently danceable songs, which scored an underground club, hit with a reworked version of “Rock Lobster.” In 1989, the B-52’s released Cosmic Thing, their most commercially successful effort to date, including the party smash “Love Shack,” “Roam,” and “Deadbeat Club.”

• Alejandro Escovedo Riverbend, June 12 Alejandro Escovedo’s family tree includes former Santana percussionist Pete Escovedo and Pete’s daughter Sheila E (also Prince’s former drummer and later a pop star). He’s fused country-rock and tasteful ballads that move across many genres of music.

• Two Man Gentlemen Band JJ’s Bohemia, June 23 Contemporary folk duo the Two Man Gentlemen Band’s combination of classic American musical styles with witty lyrics about history, mathematics, and relationships was a hit, and they soon took their act from the street to the stage.

• Dexter Romweber Duo JJ’s Bohemia, June 25 Best known as the former frontman of Flat Duo Jets, Dexter Romweber’s affinity for rockabilly, surf, punk, and lounge has inspired his career for the better part of two decades.

• Dan Baird & Homemade Sin Nightfall, July 10 Having had a top-ten hit in the ’80s with “Keep Your Hands To Yourself,” ex-Georgia Satellite singer/guitarist Dan Baird has a little “change in his pocket going jing-aling-aling” with his new band Homemade Sin. • Rocco DeLuca and the Burden Nightfall, August 14 In 2006, DeLuca and his band toured the world to promote their debut album, I Trust You To Kill Me, along with their behind-the-scenes TV documentary by the same name.

• Carlene Carter Nightfall, September 11 Her music has always infused roots music—whether country or rock & roll—with a nervy, edgy energy.

• Dr. Dog Nightfall, September 18 Philadelphia indie-pop act Dr. Dog is part of a long tradition of D.I.Y. pop oddballs who blend unapologetic ’60s pop worship with lo-fi recording techniques and a complete disregard of current trends.

MusicCalendar

Send your calendar events to us at calendar@chattanoogapulse.com

Friday

Thursday

Rhythm & Noon: Jeff Miller Noon. Miller Plaza, 850 Market St. (423) 265-0771. www.downtownchattanooga.org

Tim Lewis 6:30 p.m. Rumors, 3884 Hixson Pk. (423) 870-3003.

Kathy Tugman & Da House Band featuring Fletcher Bright and Dave Walters 7 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644.

Faretheewell, Arabian Nights

Ralph Miller and his New Orleans Jazz Trio 7 p.m. Blue Orleans Creole Restaurant, 3208 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 629-6538.

Wayne Hightower 7:30 p.m. Fireside Grill, 3018 Cummings Hwy. (423) 821-9898.

Dance it up and help celebrate the dance party/dance tour kickoff.

The Micks 9 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd #202.

(423) 499-5055.

$7 7 p.m.

The Warehouse 5716 Ringgold Rd., East Ridge. www.myspace.com/warehousetn

Big Kitty, Hurray for the Riff Raff, Chris Volpe 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400.

Wayne Hightower 7:30 p.m. Fireside Grill, 3018 Cummings Hwy. (423) 821-9898.

Booger Holler With a name like this you gotta be good. Drop by for a Riverbend wind-down.

Twilight Gunfight, Armored in Grace, Thyne, Tomorrows End 8 p.m. Ziggy’s Hideaway, 607 Cherokee Blvd. (423) 634-1074.

No cover 10 p.m.

The Tin Can, 618 Georgia Ave. (423) 648-4360.

Coke Stage: Willie Nelson 9:30 p.m. Riverbend Festival, 21st Century Waterfront.

Saturday

Victims, Trap Them, Black Breath, Reflections 7 p.m. The Warehouse, 5716 Ringgold Rd., East Ridge.

Magic, Castles and Tigers!

Oh my! Fantastic, unearthly sounds are sure to ensue and as a benefit show, it’s for a good cause. $7 10 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia

Monday Chuck Ragan (hot water music), Eric Nelson/Brian Hensley, Bohannons 5 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400.

Bessie Smith Strut 5:15 p.m. Miller Plaza & MLK Blvd. www.riverbendfestival.com

Rollin’ in the Hay, Slim Pickins 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400.

Soul Driver 10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com Roger Alan Wade 10 p.m. T-Bone’s, 1419 Chestnut St. (423) 266-4240.

DJ Spicolli Raw Sushi Bar Restaurant & Nightclub, 409 Market Street, (423) 756-1919.

Sunday Tim Lewis 6 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd, #202.

(423) 499-5055.

Giant Tigers, Forest Magic, Coral Castles

Channing Wilson, Davey Smith and friends 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com

Underground Loyalty, Unspoken Triumph, Autumn to Arms, My Soul for a Goat 7:30 p.m. Club Fathom, 412 Market St. (423) 757-0019. www.clubfathom.com

Bounty Hunter 9 p.m. The Tin Can, 618 Georgia Ave. (423) 648-4360.

Chattanooga Market 11 a.m. First Tennessee Pavillion, 1826 Carter St.

Open Mic hosted by Shawnessey Cargile 9 p.m. Mudpie Restaurant, 12 Frazier Ave. (423) 267-9043.

Open Jam w/ Jeff Daniels 4 p.m. Ms. Debbie’s Nightlife Lounge, 4762 Hwy 58.

(423) 485-0966.

Coke Stage: Train 9:30 p.m. Riverbend Festival, 21st Century Waterfront.

The Music of Coal in the ‘Bend Unplugged 5 p.m. Tennessee Aquarium Amphitheater, 21st Century Waterfront. www.musicofcoal.com

Joe Diffie with guests Jonathan Singleton and The Grove

Too Far Gone South 10 p.m. T-Bone’s, 1419 Chestnut St. (423) 266-4240. www.tboneschattanooga.com

Is it cold in here? Not unless you are with Joe Diffie. A must for country fans.

Malignant Christ, Coathanger Abortion, Blood Soaked, Rat Poison 8 p.m. Ziggy’s Hideaway, 607 Cherokee Blvd. (423) 634-1074. www.myspace.com/ziggyshideaway

Eris with Downstream & Black Betty 10:30 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com

$22 7:30 p.m.

Memorial Auditorium, 399 McCallie Avenue.

(423) 899-4990. www.chattanoogaonstage.com

Tuesday

Wednesday

The Ben Friberg Jazz Trio 7 p.m. Table 2, 232 E. 11th St. (423) 756-8253.

Jerry Fordham 6 p.m. The Tin Can, 618 Georgia Ave. (423) 648-4360. www.thetincanchattanooga.com

On My Honor, Half Price Hero, Dusty Mahan 7 p.m. The Warehouse, 5716 Ringgold Rd., East Ridge.

Breakfast Club Post-Strut Party 9:30 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644.

HOTH, Milquelizard, Biclops, a f’n Elephant 9 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400.

Christabel and the Jons, Hot Seat, Husky Burnette 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400.

Coke Stage: Steven Curtis Chapman 9:30 p.m. Riverbend Festival, 21st Century Waterfront.

The Palms at Hamilton 6925 Shallowford Road, Suite #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com

Open Mic Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike (423) 266-1996. www.tremonttavern.com

Church, The Ocean Floor 9 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400.

Coke Stage: Three Dog Night with the CSO 9:30 p.m. Riverbend Festival, 21st Century Waterfront.

Editor’s Pick: Featured Event Of The Week

The Ben Friberg Jazz Trio 6:30 p.m. Market Street Tavern.

850 Market St. (423) 634-0260.

Every Word a Prophecy, Dear Lovely, Arlington Sleeps 7 p.m. The Warehouse, 5716 Ringgold Rd., East Ridge. www.myspace.com/warehousetn

John Sutton Band

Bill Payne 9 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com

No better way to beat the heat than with this fine homegrown sound of blues, rock and much soul power.

You’ll go back for seconds.

Coke Stage: The Commodores 9:30 p.m. Riverbend Festival, 21st Century Waterfront.

Friday, June 5 No cover, 9 p.m.

Market Street Tavern, 850 Market Street (423) 634-0260. www.myspace.com/marketstreettavern

95.3 Pulse News www.chattanoogapulse.com 6.4.09 The Pulse

25

NewMusicReviews Phillip Johnston Page of Madness (Asynchronous) There’s a definite mystique to the film A Page of Madness, the legendary, unconventional 1926 Japanese silent film. Using an impressionistic style and no explanatory inter-titles, it concerns a janitor in an asylum and his institutionalized wife, and it was presumed lost until the ’70s when its director, Teinosuke Kinugasa, found a copy. It should be no surprise, then, that this remarkable movie has a devoted following, including a number of musicians who have created their own scores, such as the indie band Superchunk, In the Nursery, Left Hand Right Hand, and turntablist Gaslamp Killer.

In this company is composer and saxophonist Phillip Johnston, a figure from the downtown New York avant-jazz scene; this original film score was recorded with his band, The Transparent Quartet, back in 1998, and Johnston finally released it this year on his own Asynchronous label after years of attempting to find record label backing.

The album opens with a playful, unpredictable sound tapestry featuring a scampering piano and Johnston’s fluttering sax in the foreground, with vibes and a bowed/plucked bass lurking underneath. I would have loved to have seen the entire film presented with this score, but I had to make do with a few YouTube clips, which demonstrate how precisely the music fits with the screen action. In one clip, the gentle musical chaos matches the quick edits of the film, and the restless vibes and tinkling piano sequences suggest insanity, while the janitor’s wife dances with abandon. The whole score is not wild and scattered, as “Home Life” has a vague, minimal tango style and the subsequent “Home Life

Au Revoir Simone Still Night, Still Light (Our Secret Record Company)

Au Revoir Simone is an all-woman synth-pop trio from Brooklyn that takes its name from a Pee-Wee Herman quote in Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure, and like the manchild it references, the group exudes a childlike innocence, except without the comically annoying voice.

They make no attempt to mask the artificiality of their keyboard and drum machine sounds, and there’s a sort of clinical, mathematical exactness that defines their sound because of these electronics. In the entertainment business, where

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The Pulse 6.4.09 www.chattanoogapulse.com 95.3 Pulse News

Ruined” has a sparse, restrained approach, before giving way to outbursts and hard bass plucks. “There’s a Riot Goin’ On” is one of the album’s most animated tracks, with piano tone clusters and free jazz leanings. Page of Madness is an expertly assembled, clean-sounding, and vibrant score, and I hope a proper DVD release is forthcoming, since I can’t help but wonder what onscreen insanity is being mirrored by the music.

— Erne Paik Editor’s note: This musician is not our film reviewer of the same name.

screaming for attention and defining individuality is the norm, it’s sort of refreshing to have a band whose members are concerned with a uniformity and group identity. This is particularly true with the vocals, since all three women sing with the same cheery, yet nonchalant style, and in a way, the approach is reminiscent of certain breezy, easy listening recordings (Burt Bacharach comes to mind) in the ’60s that used small ensembles of faceless studio singers.

The new album Still Night, Still Light is not a departure from their previous 2007 album, The Bird of Music, using simple chord changes and effective pop hooks, and it’s consistent and maybe just slightly more memorable than its predecessor. The upbeat “Anywhere You Looked” is a highlight, with a driving, nearly monotonic vocal

line and an irresistible chorus; “Shadows” is similarly energetic and insistent, but it slinks with a bittersweet atmosphere, building synth tones atop an electric piano foundation. There’s even a bit of balladry on the tender number “The Last One,” and “We Are Here” has a similar manner with subtle harmonies and vocals that verge on being whispers. Au Revoir Simone manages to suggest Young Marble Giants, Lali Puna, the Field Mice, and an assortment of new wave and twee-pop bands without sounding exactly like any of those or going into ironic territory. I imagine more than a few rock-centric listeners will simply find this music too cutesy, but it can find an audience among those who have an ear for good hooks and gentle pop touches, along with an embrace of artificiality.

— Ernie Paik

95.3 Pulse News www.chattanoogapulse.com 6.4.09 The Pulse

27

Free Will Astrology GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Seventeen-year-old Jay Greenberg is a music prodigy who has written numerous sonatas and symphonies. His first CD, performed by the London Symphony Orchestra and Julliard String Quartet, came out in 2006.

It’s not exactly a struggle for him to create his compositions. He often completes them in less than a day. “The music comes fully written,” he says, “playing like an orchestra in my head.”

I believe you now have something in common with him, Gemini. According to my reading of the omens, there will soon be ripe visions of future accomplishments floating around in your imagination. You should write them down or describe them in detail to an ally or do whatever else it takes to launch the process of getting them born.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): “You may want to smash a painful emotion to bits, but you can’t blow it up with a nuclear bomb,” wrote Tsoknyi Rinpoche in his book Fearless Simplicity. What makes the situation even more poignant is that the painful emotion may be based on a wrong interpretation of experience. It may also be caused by some faulty conditioning that got imprinted on your sensitive psyche when you were a toddler.

Having said that, Cancerian, I’m pleased to inform you that you currently have the power to significantly dissipate the intensity of a certain painful emotion you thought you’d never shake.

To initiate the process, invoke forgiveness in every way you can imagine— toward those who hurt you, those who ignored you, those who misled you, and you yourself.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): “I can’t exactly walk on the water,” says Russ Crim, “but it looks like I can because I know where the rocks are hiding just beneath the water.” This would be a good trick for you to emulate during the coming weeks, Leo. By doing your homework and some advance scouting, you could put yourself in a position to accomplish a splashy bit of hocus-pocus that will ultimately be legendary. To help ensure that you don’t generate a karmic backlash as you glorify your ego, I suggest you find a way to make your magic serve some worthy cause. For instance, maybe you could walk on water in order to raise money for charity.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): When I was 19 years old, a so-called psychic predicted I would die when I was 24. As much as I scoffed at his careless quackery, his words subliminally worried me for years. On the day I turned 25 I celebrated extra hard. Partly because of that experience, I’ve always tried to be impeccably conscientious about how I conduct myself as a fortune-teller. I’ve vowed never to manipulate you with melodramatic prophecies that could distort your free will. So it’s with a cautious sense of responsibility that I offer the following augury: The weeks ahead could be one of the most illuminating and successful times of the last five years.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): I suspect that this is a turning point in your relationship with your fantasies. It’s not enough merely to keep musing about them with wistful longing. You can’t afford to continue postponing their activation until some mythical future. If you want to keep them from receding into a hazy limbo, you will need to give at least one of them a big push toward becoming a more concrete part of your life. The universe will provide ample assistance if you do give that push.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Attention all aspiring lottery winners! If you will ever in your life win more than $10 in the lottery or similar game of chance, this would probably be the time. I’m not saying you definitely will.

I’m simply suggesting that your odds are better than usuall—certainly better than the chances that you’ll be invited by Brad Pitt to co-star with him in a feature film about alien pirates set in 22nd-century Madagascar. On the other hand, the possibility of a dumb-luck windfall is still rather remote compared to the likelihood of other kinds of financial progress. For instance, there’s an excellent chance that you’ll stimulate the flow

28

By Rob Brezsny

JONESIN’

By Matt Jones

“Clean Cinema”

–running through a neutral list of movies.

of good fiscal karma if you spend quality time taking inventory of your approach to money and developing a long-term master plan to promote your prosperity.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Would you say you’re closer to the “happy wanderer” model of Sagittarian, or the “eternal fugitive” type? Does your motive power usually come from the desire to head in the general direction of some attractive destination, or else to flee from every situation you’re nervous about getting hemmed in by? Are you more inclined to shoot at multiple targets, hoping that one of them may turn out to be the correct one for you to aim at? Or do you prefer to identify the best target right from the start, and only then begin shooting? The coming weeks will be an excellent time to meditate on these core Sagittarian issues.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): In astrology, the word “quincunx” refers to a relationship characterized by creative tension. Two planets that are in quincunx are like two people who have a certain odd affinity for each other but don’t speak the same language. Imagine an Italian woman and an American man meeting at a party and experiencing an immediate chemistry, even though each can barely understand what the other is saying. I bring this up, Capricorn, because these days you’re in a quincunx dynamic with pretty much the whole world. To keep frustration to a minimum and enhance the excitement quotient, you should try to crack some of the foreign codes you’re surrounded by.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Philosopher Buckminster Fuller said that although we are all born geniuses, the process of living tends to degenius us. That’s the bad news. The good news is that 2009 is one of the best years ever for you to re-genius yourself, and the month of June is among the best times in 2009. So how should you go about the glorious task of tapping in to the totality of your original brilliance? Here’s one tip.

Do what Einstein said: “All I want to do is learn the way God thinks. All the rest is details.”

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Dear Rob: I’ve recently developed a propensity to talk to myself. This is pretty weird. All these years, I’ve barely uttered a few words to myself on special occasions. Now I’m having long, convoluted gab fests, as if the little voices in my head had busted out of their holding cells, run amuck, and decided to NEVER SHUT UP! Am I crazy? - Out Loud Pisces.” Dear Out Loud: It’s a good sign that you’re getting all the murmuring background noise out in the open. Not just for you but for many Pisceans, thoughts and feelings that had been hidden or secret are becoming available to your conscious mind. Once you clear out the backlog, the really useful revelations will begin.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): I’m betting that in a couple of months the fates will give you license to play with boisterous gambles and exhilarating risks. But at this particular moment I recommend that you confine yourself to tame gambles and sensible risks. I realize that may be a bit deflating to your rambunctious all-or-nothing spirit, but I think it’ll pay off in the long run. From what I can tell, this is an excellent time to lay the groundwork for the bigger fun ahead.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): The oracle you’re now reading normally has a retail value of $49.95. But because of your ongoing efforts to defeat your defeatist tendencies, and because of your dogged attempts to sabotage your sabotage mechanisms, and because of your heroic stabs at defending yourself against your defense mechanisms, you have earned the right to receive this advice absolutely gratis! To generate even more free stuff in the coming week, Taurus, all you have to do is learn how to turn around so fast that you can catch a glimpse of the back of your own head, and how to pat yourself on the back with both hands while kicking your own butt.

Homework: What’s your favorite method for overcoming the inertia of the past? Testify at FreeWillAstrology.com.

The Pulse 6.4.09 www.chattanoogapulse.com 95.3 Pulse News

Across 1 Bud 4 “Sophie’s Choice” director Pakula 8 Tiara 14 “___ Hate Me” (2004 Spike Lee movie) 15 Horse hair 16 “I’ve got it!”

17 1991 comedy with a behind-the-scenes look at a daytime drama 19 They keep words apart 20 Little guy 21 Internet cafe offering, maybe 23 Word before due or tense 24 ___ homo (behold the man, in Latin) 27 Shake like ___ 29 With “The,” 1948 Red Skelton movie about door-to-door sales 34 The cube root of ocho 35 Cookie that once had “Sandwich” in its name 36 Million-___ odds 37 Certain hangings 38 1976 movie that parts of the other four movie titles describe from start to finish 41 “Your $$$$$” network 42 “___: Dinosaur Hunter” (Nintendo 64 game) 44 Gull’s tail?

45 “___ Haw” 46 1978 biopic about DJ

Alan Freed 50 Nighttime problem 51 “Remote Control” host Ken 52 Former “Entertainment Tonight” host John 54 Rapper/singer Jackson, ex-girlfriend of Kevin Federline 56 Discover rival, for short 60 Spiny lizard 62 2003 straight-to-video Ione Skye romcom that starts at a laundromat 65 George Eliot title character Silas 66 Initial recording 67 Gas station freebie 68 ___ Palace (Nicolas Sarkozy’s current home) 69 U2 bassist Clayton 70 Your, in France Down 1 “Over here!” noise 2 “Hey, sailor!”

3 Radiator problem 4 Big name in semiconductors 5 My ___ Massacre 6 One who gets the door 7 Longtime grape soda brand 8 Early production company for “I Love Lucy” and “Star Trek” 9 “Am ___ to the task?”

10 Native Wyomingite 11 It’s chocolatey, without all the kick

12 Squeaks by, with “out” 13 Navy pole 18 Orange coat 22 Out of reach 25 Start the workday 26 Actor Michael of “Year One” 28 Lover of 37-across 29 Speaker’s seminar 30 It make a lot of dollars 31 “I love you when you ___ your mosque...”

(Kahlil Gibran) 32 The Learning ___ 33 One of the “Real Housewives of Atlanta” 34 Numbers-crunching need 39 Hated with every inch of one’s being 40 Piggish person 43 “Annie” extras 47 Lucrezia Borgia’s brother 48 Sound at the dentist 49 “King Kong” actress Fay 52 “Person of the Year” awarder 53 Equal, at an ecole 55 ___ Comment (blog link) 57 Doctor-to-be’s test 58 Nobelist Wiesel 59 Gen-___ (1970s kids, today) 61 Word before a maiden name 63 Peruvian singer Sumac 64 Dot follower

©2009 Jonesin’ Crosswords (editor@jonesincrosswords.com) For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle #0417.

AskAMexican by Gustavo Arellano Dear Mexican, I am a Chicano in Connecticut. I moved from Arizona to the East Coast for my dream job. I have to admit that I’m still homesick. Connecticut is a completely different world. To sum it up in one phrase, vale madre. It took awhile for me to find a Mexican restaurant close to me. It’s very comparable to that cardboard tortilla outlet known as Taco Bell.

When I first went there, I was served chips and salsa. Of course, I dove right into the appetizer. The chips were very stale and the salsa tasted like candy. Sí, como dulce. I asked my mesero if they had a hotter salsa because the salsa was nothing but salsa de tomate with some chunks of cebolla in it. He told me that they have a spicy pico de gallo and that he would bring it right out. ¿Sabes que, carnal?

What I received was nothing but a bowl of chopped cebolla with some cilantro in it! He proudly displayed a sonrisa and asked if I liked it. I returned his pregunta with another pregunta and asked if this was his hot sauce. His smile quickly faded and then he said, “Pues tu sabes. Tenemos que servirle esa comida a ellos que no están acostumbrados a nuestra comida.” I responded by telling him that if you’re going to serve

Mexican food, serve Mexican food.

I’m tired of Mexican-owned restaurants advertising their comida as auténtico, only to be disappointed by how crappy the food, OUR food, tastes.

Why does our gente feel as if they have to water down our great cuisines for the gabachos? If Mexican restaurants want to advertise nuestra comida as authentic, then why don’t the dueños of the restaurants cook and show off the beauty of nuestra cultura and forget a candy flavored salsa in favor of a greattasting salsa that not only makes our mouths water, but also makes us teary eyed?

— Chicano in the CONN Dear Wab, A tip for the next time you encounter salsa milder than vanilla: carry your own chiles. The Mexican always travels with a sandwich bag containing his favorite peppers—a couple of long, green serranos for freshness, gnarled chiles de árbol to bless my beans with dry heat, the tiny pequín if I need crunch, and one neonorange habanero to rub in the eyes of any possible stalkers. Your sad story is one experienced by many Mexicans who travel through the parts of this country that wabs have just begun

to colonize, but it’s not unique to us: New Yorkers always bemoan the quality of bagels everywhere outside of Brooklyn, and San Franciscans simply won’t eat burritos not folded in their famed Mission District. I will argue, however, that Mexican cuisine is more whitewashed than others, but I won’t reveal my thesis until next year, when my next book Taco USA: How Mexican Food Conquered America (And Soon, the World) appears. Stay tuned, and stay enchilado!

Dear Mexican, What’s up with all the salsa music in Mexican restaurants?

— No More Congas!

Dear Gabacho, Solamente no es Mexican eateries where you find Caribbean rhythms replacing Mexican regional music.

Movies, newscast or segments about Mexicans, Ugly Betty—really, any media manifestation of Mexicans needing a soundtrack usually eschew banda sinaloense (the brass-band one), conjunto norteño (the accordion one), pasito durangüense (the Melodica one), and mariachi (the sombrero one) for salsa or any other type of Latin beats.

It’s easy to blame anti-Mexican

hatred for such swaps, but the razón is obvious: gabacho America’s hatred of polkas, waltzes, and all the folk music of a previous generation of idiot Catholic immigrants that influenced Mexican regional. Seriously: when was the last time outside Cleveland, Milwaukee, Oktoberfest, The Lawrence Welk Show, an octogenarian dance in heartland America, a Mexican party, or a Weird Al Yankovic concert that you heard such music appreciated without irony? America likes cool, and the polka-loving bola de gente I just mentioned are about as hip as Dubya.

Ask the Mexican at themexican@ askamexican.net, myspace.com/ocwab, find him on Facebook, Twitter, or write via snail mail at: Gustavo Arellano, P.O. Box 1433, Anaheim, CA 92815-1433!

95.3 Pulse News www.chattanoogapulse.com 6.4.09 The Pulse

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