The Pulse - Vol. 6, Issue 50 by Brewer Media Group

PROTOMEN • MADELINE CHRISTMAS • BROTHERS

She’s She’s A Mean Mean MamaMamaJammer Jammer By Chuck Crowder

FREE • News, Views, Arts & Entertainment • December 10, 2009 • Vol. 6 - Issue 50 • www.chattanoogapulse.com • pulse news 95.3 WPLZ

President Jim Brewer, II

2009

Publisher Zachary Cooper Contributing Editor Janis Hashe News Editor Gary Poole Calendar Editor Kathryn Dunn Advertising Manager Rhonda Rollins Advertising Sales Leslie Dotson, Rick Leavell Leif Sawyer, Townes Webb Art Director Kelly Lockhart Art Department Kathryn Dunn, Jennifer Grelier Contributing Writers Gustavo Arellano, Rob Brezsny Alison Burke, Chuck Crowder Michael Crumb, Hellcat Joshua Hurley, Victoria Hurst Matt Jones, Ernie Paik Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D. Stephanie Smith, Alex Teach Colleen Wade Editorial Cartoonist Rick Baldwin Editorial Intern Tara Morris Copy Assistant Bryanna Burns Online Services Sharon Chambers, Josh Lang Contact Info: Phone (423) 648-7857 Fax (423) 648-7860 info@chattanoogapulse.com Calendar Submissions calendar@chattanoogapulse.com Advertising advertising@chattanoogapulse.com The Pulse is published weekly and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publishers may take more than one copy per weekly issue. The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors.

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11 SHE’S A MEAN MAMA-JAMMER By Chuck Crowder To the average red-blooded guy, few things are as intriguing as seeing a bunch of bad-ass, tattooed chicks in fishnets and skates asserting their dominance and dexterity as they roll around a gym floor at high rates of speed with the sole intent of scoring points and knocking each other down.

feature stories 18 GAMER MUSIC GURUS By Hellcat It takes a lot of people to put on a rock opera—and a big stage. Each member of Protomen goes by a codename, and as with any true superhero, they keep their real identities hidden.

21 GOOD ACTING CAN’T SAVE BROTHERS By Phillip Johnston The film director Stanley Kubrick once said, “If it can be written, or thought, it can be filmed.” He was right, but it seems as though filmmakers of late prefer to tweak Kubrick’s phraselet to say, “If it can be re-written or re-thought, it can be re-filmed.”

24 A VERY MADELINE CHRISTMAS 1305 Carter Street Chattanooga, Tennessee 37402 Letters to the editor must include name, address and daytime phone number for verification. The Pulse reserves the right to edit letters for space and clarity. Please keep letters within 500 words in length. The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on culture, the arts, entertainment and local news.

Member

AL 8 RE e NU ON HO Puls AN CTI HS he T T SE OR in k

N ee IN t w x ne

DECEMBER

By Stephanie Smith Bemelmans’ original story, Madeline’s Christmas, is the third in his series about an irrepressible, feisty and ultimately fearless little girl who was a smart and strong role model for girls in the pre-feminist era.

27 A CULINARY WALK THROUGH CHINA By Colleen Wade Selection is key in the world of buffet dining. China Moon in the Eastgate Town Center is well aware of this. Perhaps it is what makes them so successful.

news & views 5 8 14 22 29 30

PULSE BEATS SHRINK RAP LIFE IN THE NOOG ON THE BEAT SHADES OF GREEN ASK A MEXICAN

everything else 4 4 5 6 6 16 19 25 26 28 28

EDITOON LETTERS TO THE EDITOR CITY COUNCILSCOPE POLICE BLOTTER STREET SCENES MUSIC CALENDAR NEW MUSIC REVIEWS A&E CALENDAR SPIRITS WITHIIN FREE WILL ASTROLOGY JONESIN’ CROSSWORD

Cover photography by Damien Power. Cover layout by Kelly Lockhart.

Editoon

by Rick Baldwin

Letters to the Editor Parroting The Democratic Party Line “WMDs that never existed”? Factually incorrect [“Dithering on Safety?”, Beyond The Headlines]. They existed when Saddam gassed his Kurds with them. They existed when an IED that had fizzled was discovered to be a poison gas artillery shell. Mr. James, parroting his Democratic party’s lines, “distorts or ignores the facts,” eh? Try using the truth. Sure, the invasion and occupation of Iraq were mismanaged and undermanned; borders and arsenals weren’t secured. Sure, Saddam may’ve been trying to scare the Iranians into thinking he had or might have WMDs, and stirred up the Americans by accident. The invasion of Iraq was justified because Saddam had murdered foreigners, so it was OK for foreigners to go in to execute him. Mr. James parroting liberal lines utterly fails to transcend Rush Limbaugh–he merely become “less filling” versus “tastes great,” push and shove. Andrew Lohr Electrocution Victim You have no idea what the circumstances were [“Man Found Electrocuted At Substation”]. The man was trying to find a way to buy his son a birthday gift. Desperate people do desperate things. I am not saying he wasn’t stupid for what he did, but his family is grieving very deeply right now.

The dumb fool was the man who left him there to die alone and didn’t even have the decency to tell his family what happened after he returned the victim’s car to their home. That man lied to the family, saying he’d left him behind at a store, and then left himself. B. Mosier Christmas Lights for Charity The Christmas lights are up and we would like to invite everyone to come by and enjoy them. We have around 50,000 lights that are sequenced to music that is completely free and open to the public. We are accepting donations for the Blue Christmas for Kids All donations that are received will be for the needy children in the area to be able to go shopping with a police officer so they can have a Merry Christmas. We are located at 1104 Key Street in Cleveland, Tennessee and the show starts at 5:30 and continues until 10:30 on weekdays and 11:00 on weekends and will be around until January 9th, 2010. David Barnette Warm-Up Auto Thefts On The Rise “Warm up thefts” have increased in the last couple of weeks as people are warming up their cars before leaving their homes. Running unlocked vehicles are easy targets for thieves. To help protect automobiles from theft,

motorists are encouraged to follow some steps to make your car—and the valuables in it—less attractive to thieves. The common-sense approach to protection is the simplest and most cost effective way to avoid wouldbe thieves. You should always secure your vehicle, even if you’re parking for “just a minute”. Keep your car safe by removing your keys from the ignition, locking all of your doors, closing all of your windows, parking in a welllit area, and never leave your engine running and vehicle unlocked while you run into your home, a convenience store or anywhere else. Lt. Kim Noorbergen

Send all letters to the editor and questions to info@chattanoogapulse.com We reserve the right to edit letters for content and space. Please include your full name, city and contact information.

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Pulse Beats

Quote Of The Week: A rundown of the newsy, the notable, and the notorious...

“Solid housing markets, relatively stable employment, enviable cost of living and quick commutes make these metros among the country’s most affordable to live” —Forbes Magazine, in rating Chattanooga as the eighth best city in the United States to get your “Bang for the Buck” in affordable living.

The Golfer and the Politician By Stuart James Here is one of the more interesting agenda items set to be discussed at the December 15 meeting of the Chattanooga City Council. 5. Ordinances - Final Reading: e) An ordinance to amend Chattanooga City Code, Part II, Chapter 31, Section 31355(a) to extend the time in which to file a notice of protest concerning the accuracy of water quality fees imposed in 2009 from December 31, 2009 to March 1, 2010.

The city attorney had requested this ordinance, which would allow the many businesses and landowners in Chattanooga to appeal the highly unpopular increase in the storm water fees imposed by the city. The fee increases, which in many cases are three times higher than last year, were made in response to threatened fines from the Environmental Protection Agency due to Chattanooga being well out of compliance with the Clean Water Act. The biggest concern over the dramatic increase is that it will create a negative effect on both new and exisiting business and commercial growth in the city at a time of economic difficulties. The Chattanooga City Council meets each Tuesday at 6 p.m. in the City Council Building at 1000 Lindsay St. For more information on the agendas, visit www.Chattanooga.gov/City_ Council/110_Agenda.asp

“Personal sins should not require press releases and problems within the family shouldn’t have to mean public confessions.” — Tiger Woods. Tiger Woods continues to make headlines, admitting that he “[has] let [his] family down and [he regrets] those transgressions with all of [his] heart.” Woods acknowledges that he is not without faults and that he has not been true to his values and “the behavior [his family] deserves.” The headlines are hot with news of revelations about women with whom Tiger Woods allegedly cheated. The news media is airing interviews of those who claim to have participated in the cheat against Woods’ wife and family. Paula Flowers was the Democratic candidate for Congress in the Third Congressional District in the State of Tennessee. She was the great hope for Democrats; she was running for the seat being vacated by Zach Wamp. Her followers felt that she had an opportunity to win the election after more than 12 years of Republican domination. Suddenly and unexpectedly, she withdrew from the race. In withdrawing, she cited her family. I am fortunate to know Paula Flowers, and I asked her about her withdrawal. She was consistent and resolute with her public statements about leaving the race. She reiterated to me that she and her husband evaluated the impact that the campaign was having on their family and they were not willing to sacrifice their family’s wellbeing for political ambitions.

When a politician cites “family” as a decision for leaving public life, a skeptical public begins speculating about the “real reason” behind the decision. We speculate about family issues, moral issues, corruption and marital infidelity. We are looking for the “Tiger Woods factor”. We scrutinize and speculate, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Maybe Tiger Woods is right. We should not be reporting on every detail of what happened to Woods, and maybe we should not be questioning why candidates like Paula Flowers decide not to undergo the public scrutiny of running for office. Perhaps, we as a society need to understand that we are born to make mistakes; that we all suffer from human frailties and that those frailties may cause us to make a misstep or a miscalculation. Maybe we need to remember that before reporting on every little detail, we should look at what a person does and how his or her overall conduct relates to that person’s accomplishments and their contributions to our society. We also need to learn that if a candidate decides to withdraw from public life, maybe that person has a genuine, reason for not undergoing the scru-

tiny of a public campaign. Maybe a personal—and private—reason exists, a reason that does not demand public explanation and apology. Perhaps it is best we now leave Tiger Woods alone, letting him resolve his personal sins with his family. And Like Tiger Woods, now that she has withdrawn from public life, maybe it is best we leave Paula Flowers alone. Maybe she did leave the grueling campaign for the sake of her family—maybe she has other reasons, reasons that are private. Regardless, there is a lot we can learn from what Tiger Woods said: “Personal sins should not require press releases and problems within a family shouldn’t have to mean public confessions.”

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A weekly roundup of the newsworthy, notable and often head-scratching stories gleaned from police reports from the Chattanooga Police Department, the Hamilton County Sheriff’s Office, the Bradley County Sheriff’s Department and the Dalton Police Department.

• Which is more embarrassing, being kidnapped for selling bad dope—or being told your ransom is only $4,200? Such was the dilemma for a local man last week who was kidnapped by a pair of men apparently unhappy with the quality (or rather lack thereof) of the drugs they had recently purchased. However, no one is sure what possessed the kidnappers to demand $4,200 in ransom. It seems an odd amount, and somewhat insulting to the kidnapee to think one is worth such a small amount of money. As it was, the kidnappers were thankfully inept, with one taken into custody on a traffic stop, and the other captured in a SWAT raid on a Cleveland motel room. Both were charged with aggravated kidnapping and aggravated robbery, with other charges pending the result of a full investigation. • We have been constantly urging people for years through this column to never leave anything of great value in an unattended vehicle. We see reports every week of people having laptops, purses, wallets, credit cards and such

being stolen during an auto burglary. This week, however, we saw a much more dangerous police report of a man on Dutchess Court who reported the theft of a handgun out of his car. The man told police that someone broke into his Lexus and stole a Ruger 9mm semi-automatic pistol that was in the glove box, along with two clips (one loaded and one unloaded). For the safety of everyone, please do not ever leave your weapon in your car, even parked in front of your house. • With the holiday season upon us and the economy only slowly recovering, the combination has led to an increase in home burglaries. One homeowner, though, was a bit luckier than most when she came home at just the right time. A woman who lives on Haywood Avenue told police that as she came home, she saw a man running out the back door. Once inside, she found a bunch of her DVDs had been stacked up and her laptop moved, but apparently she had come home just in time to startle the thief, who left without taking anything. Officers made a search of the area, but no one matching the description of the fleet-footed burglar was located.

Chattanooga Street Scenes

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• Many of the “working girls” in our fair city are used to the random stings conducted by the various law enforcement agencies. However, they are also used to at least a week or two passing between stings. Such was not the case last week when Chattanooga police conducted two stings in 48 hours in the East Lake, Rossville Boulevard and Highland Park areas. Even with the surprise return to the area just two days after the initial sweep, only seven people were taken into custody. Six women and one man were arrested and face various charges including prostitution, resisting arrest, assault on police, possession of drug paraphernalia, and the always “add insult to injury” charge of prostitution within 1.5 miles of a school. Photography by 423 Bragging Rights

The OCI Chili Cookoff during MainX24 on Main Street.

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Shrink Rap

Holidazed and Confused By Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D

“What’s the worst thing that would happen— and how would you feel—if you said, ‘I’m sorry, but no. I can’t do that this year’?”

Dr. Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist, minister, and educator, in private practice in Chattanooga, and is the author of “Empowering the Tribe” and “The Power of a Partner.”

K, the season is revving up…you get that glazed look in your eyes whenever you pass by a calendar and realize that the number of shopping/ mailing/party-planning days are quickly diminishing. And that old familiar feeling—let’s call it, oh, I don’t know, how about “blood-pressure medication, teeth-grinding, crazy-making, overwhelming holiday stress”—is back to pay its yearly visit. Well, you very likely don’t need me to tell you but I’m happy to remind you: It doesn’t have to be like that. Whether you’re new to reading this column, or you’re a regular Shrink Rapper, it’s time to dig into your Big Bag O’ Tools and remind yourself of what’s available, both within you and around you, to help you navigate the potential stressors of the season. This is your opportunity, before the 11th hour, when you’re normally racing to Wal-Mart or Walgreen’s or cousin Wally’s unused and re-giftable gifts from years past, to do things differently. Less stress and anxiety, more time for enjoyment with loved ones. That’s the goal this year. Whaddaya say…are you with me? Consider this: The American Psychological Association (APA) conducted a poll some years back to determine what causes the most stress during the holiday season. The survey found that the top cause of holiday stress is lack of money. Next came the pressures of gift giving and the lack of time to get everything done. So obviously, you’re not alone. But when you know something such

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as the holidays is coming up, you have the ability to look ahead and anticipate situations. You can also create the opportunity to take a deep breath and stay mindful of your needs. Here are some tips to ponder: 1. PARE DOWN. This year, consider simplifying your gift-giving. If money is tight and time is valuable, think creatively. For example, call your five best friends and decide that instead of giving individual gifts this year, give the gift of time together over a fabulous lunch at your favorite restaurant, and don’t skip the dessert. Or have them over for a holiday brunch on Saturday, where everyone brings a course so no one person is saddled with all the responsibility. (And accept their offers to help with the clean up.) A few laughter-filled hours with good friends and good food will do wonders for your holiday spirit. 2. FAMILY DYNAMICS. There is the family we are born into, and the family we create as we go along. Who do you enjoy spending time with? Who helps you feel good about yourself? I believe in minimizing holiday “obligations” and maximizing enjoyable moments. In other words, do what you can to be with those who love, accept, and enjoy you, as you enjoy them. If there is something coming up that you absolutely dread, why are you participating in it? Remember that you have choices in life. Again, with some creative forethought you can be considerate of others while honoring your own needs as well. The two don’t have to be mutually exclusive. 3. THE POWER OF “NO.” Do you say “yes” to doing all the baking, buying, baby-sitting, pet-sitting, organizing the church bazaar, being a taxi service, and worrying about over-spending? No wonder it feels overwhelming, right? But before you

can change, you have some questions to ask yourself: Are you still trying to get that “A”? Do you need to “do” in order to be accepted, appreciated, loved? What’s the worst thing that would happen—and how would you feel—if you said, “I’m sorry, but no. I can’t do that this year”? 4. REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS. One popular definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results. It can be easy to get caught up in cozy, romantic images of a fantasy holiday where everyone is happy together, everything runs smoothly, and Uncle Gus doesn’t drink himself into oblivion. Hope springs eternal, but what’s the reality? Lots of things you can’t control. So, focus on being mindful and present, and maybe this year don’t worry so much about the rest of it. 5. TAKE BREAKS FOR INDULGENCE. Schedule that massage; run a hot bath (for two?), light candles, put on some jazz, and unplug the phone. It’s so important to prioritize your own wellness, especially during stressful times. Remember: You’re no good to others if you’re not good to yourself. Pause, breathe, meditate, walk, exercise, eat well, sleep well, keep yourself healthy. Lastly, remember that this is also the season of gratitude. You know, I look at my wonderpup, Betty Lou, the epitome of relaxation and happiness, gently snoring in a patch of sunlight beaming through the window, and I think, She has the secret. She feels no pressure around holiday gift-giving, as her sweet, sloppy puppy kisses are doled out quite freely year round. She shows her gratitude with a smile every morning when she gets her belly scratched. And time? Anyone blissing out in the sun in the middle of the day knows she’s got all the time in the world.

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Cover Story

She’s A Mean Mama-Jammer By Chuck Crowder

“Few things are as intriguing as seeing a bunch of bad-ass, tattooed chicks in fishnets and skates asserting their dominance and dexterity as they roll around a gym floor at high rates of speed.”

“[whistle] The pack is released followed sharply by the [whistle] jammers as the bout of the century gets underway. Delia Pain checks behind her to see where her pivot is and then booty bumps the nearest opponent off to the right. Going around turn three, Llama Trauma checks Death-Dealin’ Drew forcing a domino move that wipes out at least three blockers and makes way for jammer Tape Worm to take the lead scoring position. Now she’s rounding the track at top speed, the ref counting off point after point as the rival pivot quickly devises a plan to put her jammer in better scoring position or take Tape out—whichever can happen first before the two-minute bell.”

What the hell? But that’s the kind of play-by-play action you’re in store for at the long-awaited first exhibition bout of the Chattanooga Rollergirls this Saturday night at the Hamilton County Convention & Trade Center. Now, to the average red-blooded guy (and even some girls), few things are as intriguing as seeing a bunch of bad-ass, tattooed chicks in fishnets and skates asserting their dominance and dexterity as they roll around a gym floor at high rates of speed with the sole intent of scoring points and knocking each other down. And to the untrained eye, that’s basically all you’ll take away from your first bout. But I wanted to know more. So I sat down with Chattanooga Rollergirl “Delia Pain” and some of her teammates to discuss the physical demands, strategic subtleties and somewhat complicated rules of the sport.

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Cover Story And after hearing what they had to say and seeing a scrimmage in their practice space at the North Chattanooga Recreation Center, I was fascinated by the commitment and determination this perceivably campy sport can inspire. These girls are very serious about what they do. They practice and scrimmage at least a couple of times each and every week. They’re learning moves, devising strategies and encouraging teammates as if they were in a spring training camp down in Florida swinging bats and hoping that this will be the year they win the pennant. “We’re in it because it’s a team sport and we’ve all become really close friends as a result,” says Devin Gobble (aka “Delia Pain”), whose day job is as an ICU nurse at T.C. Thompson’s Children’s Hospital. “It’s the only full-on physical sport for women,” adds Katie Schultz (aka “Death-Dealin’ Drew”), team manager and enthusiastic advocate of the sport. In fact, across the country, more and more teams like our own Rollergirls continue to pop up as people way too young to remember its origins are getting serious about Roller Derby all over again. The idea of ladies competitively skating in a “roller derby” dates back to 1922 and promoter Leo Seltzer, who wanted to emphasize the physical contact and teamwork of the sport. But what he invented would later become a revolution for pin-up-punk, black-leathered bad girls around the time The Fonz was banging juke boxes at Arnold’s. In fact, I think there was even an episode of Happy Days that featured the Tuscadero twins battling it out around the rink just to get a thumbs-up “Aaaay!” out of their shared boyfriend.

But new life has been pumped back into the sport since its popularity fell off in the mid-’70s. Nowadays there are close to 80 sanctioned teams coast to coast that participate in the World Flat Track Derby Association (WFTDA)—the entity that sets the rules governing sanctioned interleague bouts among its affiliated teams. In order to become a sanctioned WFTDA team, you must complete an entire season of playing the “B squads” of sanctioned teams to prove that you have an organized, skillful contender ready for the big leagues. That’s where our Chattanooga team is at this moment. Saturday’s exhibition match is just a prelude to their first official (albeit unsanctioned) season which begins in March and ends sometime next November. The Chattanooga Rollergirls was originally the brainchild of three friends back in early 2008. Ali Burke,

“An episode of Happy Days featured the Tuscadero twins battling it out around the rink just to get a thumbs-up ‘Aaaay! out of their shared boyfriend.”

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Anj McClain and Karen “Rudy” Rudolph loosely organized the first incarnation of the team to promote the team spirit of comradery and fun for local young women like themselves. And it was Burke who carried the torch far enough to get a true team together before passing it along to the ladies who’ve taken the Rollergirls to where they are today. The current group is lean, mean and highly organized. With a couple of CPAs as team members and official public relations representation, these girls are working hard to mimic the kind of successful grassroots local support experienced by the Chattanooga FC soccer team during their inaugural season this past spring. So in order to get you prepared for a more informed, enjoyable time Saturday night, I’ve devised a quick summary of how the game works for you to study in the locker room just before the bout.

Cover Story

Two teams send five players each onto the rink—three blockers, one pivot and one jammer. A striped helmet cover is used to denote pivots and one with two stars is used for jammers. The referee starts each two-minute “jam” period by blowing a whistle once for the pack of blockers and pivots to take off and then again for the two jammers (positioned behind the pack) to take off. Points can only be scored by the jammers who, after passing the pack the first time, earn one point for each opposing team member they legally pass. The first jammer to pass everyone in the pack achieves the status of lead jammer for the remainder of the jam and can decide to end the jam at any time before the two minutes are up (especially if her team is ahead in points and wants to shut down the other team’s scoring potential) by placing her hands on her hips repeatedly to signal the ref. Now, to impede the progress of the opposing team’s jammer, players may block using anything God gave them above the mid-thigh, excluding forearms, hands, and head. Illegal use of body parts can mean a stint in the penalty box where players

“To impede the progress of the opposing team’s jammer, players may block using anything God gave them above the mid-thigh, excluding forearms, hands, and head.” can adjust their tutus, mend their fishnets or just retie their skates. In fact, despite their campy qualities, the rockabilly and burlesque fashions of the sport actually serve a unique purpose in many cases. Leg warmers help prevent shin bruising, short skirts help provide unimpeded speed and agility, fishnet stockings help curb rink burn, and tattoos—well, tattoos (along with violence-laden rink names) work well as an intimidation factor. But don’t you be scared to catch the action this Saturday night. It’ll prove to be one of the most fun and interesting events the ’noog has to offer. Go Rollergirls! 95.3 Pulse News www.chattanoogapulse.com 12.10.09 The Pulse

Life In The Noog

This Year, Shop at the Mom n’ Pop By Chuck Crowder

“The economy is in the crapper and no other retail entity is feeling the stress of the elusive dollar more than locally-owned brick-and-mortar shops.”

h, Christmas shopping. The task we all love to hate and hate to love. Part of the romanticism of the season all bundled up in credit card bills that’ll take until summer vacation to pay off. And for what? So we can say we got somebody somethin’ for Christmas? A couple of weeks ago I suggested that we should all just forego the tradition of buying everyone we might possibly be related to a gift and instead either buy nothing, or purchase something for ourselves and tell everybody what they got us. That way you’ll get what you really want, and hopefully within budget. But that column may have only diverted about three-tenths of one percent of our readers from following their normal holiday habits of buying everything in sight—especially if it’s a good deal. It was reported on our sister news radio station that folks were camping out at one store for up to two days—missing Thanksgiving altogether, mind you—just for the slim-to-none chance of earning one of the 30-something coveted Black Friday coupons for a next-to-free computer and/or flat screen television. I don’t care if Cameron Diaz herself was inside to help me get the TV home so we could hang out and watch movies together, there is no deal on earth that would prompt me to wait 15 minutes, much less two days to procure. Bottom line, you’re still giving them your money whether you’re

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lucky enough to get one of the 30 golden tickets or not. Because there’s no way in hell that you are going to leave a parking lot you’ve slept in for two days without at least going inside the store once they open the doors— coupon or not. And that’s how they get you. It’s the big box retailer, bottomfeeder method of existence. Entice the crowds with a couple of loss-leaders and then jack the price of everything else up a little to cover it. And we fall for it every year. Or at least some of us do. Other consumers work the Internet for their shopping so as to not subject themselves to the traffic and crowds that populate that massive tract of land between civilization and Ooltewah. And the retailers have finally embraced the technological side of sales and started offering “door busters” on their web sites as well. But I’m sure those offers don’t prompt as many empathy purchases as those from disappointed shoppers with asphalt sleep marks on the side of their faces. I’ve come to the conclusion that there’s not much I can write to change the minds of those who insist on spending everything in their piggy bank on ungrateful kids and unresponsive old folks. But I can suggest where to trade your wampum. The economy is in the crapper and no other retail entity is feeling the stress of the elusive dollar more than locally-owned brick-and-mortar shops. Stores like Rock/Creek, Blue Skies, Leo Handmade, Winder Binder, Shadowbox, Area 61, Charlotte’s Web, Grapevine, Smart Furniture, OCI, N2 Shoes, Revival, Susannah’s, Plum Nelly, Frankie & Julian’s,

Amanda Pinson Jewelry, Back Street Betty’s, Embellish, Rock Point Books, Suck Creek Cycle, River City Cycle, Trek Cycles, Scenic City Scooters and too many more to mention. Having been a part of the receiving side of retail trade in the past, I know firsthand the struggle of trying to compete with the big boys and their loss-leaders, door-buster deals, kick ass web sites and free shipping. But the local mom n’ pops have one thing those bastards will never have—soul. There’s nothing original about buying someone one of the massproduced, “hot items” of the season. If you’ve seen a commercial for it, then opening it up on Christmas day will be about as exciting as watching the nightly news…twice. The only thing worse is a gift card for a store that you might possibly think the recipient would (or should) shop. Might as well slip a fifty in their breast pocket and give ’em a little pat on the ass. It’s about as classy. If you really want to buy a heartfelt, one-of-a-kind gift that will not only exemplify your originality but incite a delightfully surprised reaction from the recipient, then choose something that was chosen just as carefully by the local retailer—and help a neighbor out in the process. It’ll make you feel as warm as that spiked egg nog that helps make the family visits so enjoyable (or at least tolerable). Cheers! Chuck Crowder is a local writer and general man about town. His opinions are just that. Everything expressed is loosely based on fact, and crap he hears people talking about. Take what you just read with a grain of salt, but pepper it in your thoughts. And be sure to check out his wildly popular website www.thenoog.com

local news and views

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Music Calendar Thursday Spotlight

Cadillac Saints, Jordan Hallquist and special guest Kyle Tallman

9:30 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com

It’s the little things in life… like warming up to Cadillac Saints and donating socks and towels to the area homeless.

Friday, Dec. 11

$10 Socks and towel donations encouraged. 9:30 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com

Thursday, Dec. 10 Mike Willis and Moonslew 7 p.m. Mudpie Restaurant, 12 Frazier Ave. (423) 267-9043. www.mudpierestuarant.com Vanna, Therefore I Am, Fallacy, Vaga Under Fire, Fit for a King, Harp and Lyre 7 p.m. The Warehouse, 5716 Ringgold Rd. myspace.com/warehousetn Matt Bohannon, Charles Allison, Keith Crisp, and Noah Collins 7:30 p.m. Lindsay Street Hall, 901 Lindsay St. (423) 755-9111. www.lindsaystreethall.com Dead Levy 8 p.m. T-Roys Roadhouse, 724 Ashland Terrace. Open Mic Night 9 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Channing Wilson 9 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com Georgia Scruff 9 p.m. Northshore Grille, 16 Frazier Ave. (423) 757-2000. www.northshoregrille.com Collins Brothers Band 9 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www. thepalmsathamilton.com Cadillac Saints with Jordan Hallquist and Kyle Tallman

Friday Spotlight

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Darren Self 11:30 a.m. Mudpie Restaurant, 12 Frazier Ave. (423) 267-9043. www.mudpierestuarant.com L’Abri Symphony Orchresta and Rick Davis 6 p.m. Rock City, 1400 Patten Rd. (706) 820-2531. www.seerockcity.com Bright Shining Lie, Life in Rage, 5th Column, and In Ruin 7 p.m. The Warehouse, 5716 Ringgold Rd. www.myspace.com/warehousetn Kathy Tugman Quartet 7:30 p.m. The Foundry, 1201 Broad St. (423) 424-3775. www.chattanooganhotel.com Tim Hughes Qaurtet 7:30 p.m. The Original Blue Orleans Restaurant, 3208 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 629-6538. Search for Atlas, Failing the Fairest, Of Famine and Chance, more 7:30 p.m. Club Fathom, 412 Market St. www.clubfathom.com Dead Levy 8 p.m. T-Roys Roadhouse, 724 Ashland Terrace. Richard Gilewitz 8 p.m. Charles and Myrtle’s Coffeehouse, 105 McBrien Rd. (423) 892-4960. www.christunity.org Christabel and the Jons 8 p.m. Barking Legs, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347. www.barkinglegs.org Tom Cordelle 8 p.m. Coltrane’s on 9th, 2 Union Square, (423) 468-7100. River City Hustlers 8 p.m. Ziggy’s Hideaway, 607 Cherokee Blvd. (423) 634-1074. myspace.com/ziggyshideaway SRF 10th Anniversary Party with DJ Faust, Era-Step, Verista, Antores, more 9 p.m. Midtown Music Hall, 820 Georgia Ave. (423) 752-1977.

www.midtownmusichall.com Sexy Christmas Party with Ghostplayer, DJ Bassel, Flannel Boy and more 9 p.m. Riverview Grande Mansion, 700 Mansion Circle. Brown Bottle Fever 9:30 p.m. Riverhouse Pub, 224 Frazier Ave. (423) 752-0066. Butch Ross 10 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Fly By Radio 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com Protomen vs. Daikaiju 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia Milele Roots 10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com

Saturday, Dec. 12 Jericho Brass and Rick Davis 6 p.m. Rock City, 1400 Patten Rd. (706) 820-2531. www.seerockcity.com Between Two Seas, Gideon, Failing the Fairest, Blue Meets The Eve, and Permilisecond 7 p.m. The Warehouse, 5716 Ringgold Rd. www.myspace.com/warehousetn Beyond Bethel and More 7:30 p.m. Club Fathom, 412 Market St. www.clubfathom.com Malignant Christ, Chaos Inception, and more 8 p.m. Ziggy’s Hideaway, 607 Cherokee Blvd. (423) 634-1074. myspace.com/ziggyshideaway Kararoke 8 p.m. Rhapsody Café, 1201 Hixson Pike. (423) 266-3093. Protomen: A Toys For Tots Benefit 8 p.m. Midtown Music Hall, 820 Georgia Ave. (423) 752-1977. www.midtownmusichall.com Lauris Vidal, Andy Zipf, Damion Suomi on the East

Christabel and the Jons Sultry vocals and easy swing make Christabel and the Jons a perfect recipe for holiday cheer. Bring the family. $10 8 p.m. Barking Legs Theatre, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347. www.barkinglegs.org Coast Tour 8 p.m. The Glen House Concert, 4403 Alabama Ave. www.myspace.com/laurisvidal Kathy Tugman Quartet 8 p.m. The Foundry, 1201 Broad St. (423) 424- 3775. www.chattanooganhotel.com Stacy Earle and Mark Stuart 8 p.m. Charles and Myrtle’s Coffeehouse, 105 McBrien Rd. (423) 892-4960. www.christunity.org DJ GOP 9 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Second Saturday’s with KRRS-24, DJ Spoon, Robosapien, and Kevin Knowels 9 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Open Mic Night 9 p.m. Mudpie Restaurant, 12 Frazier Ave. (423) 267-9043. www.mudpierestuarant.com Seventh Under Tragic (House Favorite) 9:30 p.m. Riverhouse Pub, 224 Frazier Ave. (423) 752-0066. Hellblinki Sextet, SSCSS, Murdergrass Boys 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia Abbey Road Live 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com Iron Mike and the Delta Rockers

Music Calendar

Send your calendar events to us at calendar@chattanoogapulse.com

Saturday Spotlight

Subterranean Cirqus presents Hellblinki Sextet The intoxicating brew that is Hellblinki Sextet joins us for a night of transcending madness. $7 9 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia 10 p.m. T-Bones, 1419 Chestnut Ave. (423) 266-4240. www.tboneschattanooga.com

Sunday, Dec. 13 Holly McCormack, Overzealous, Butch Ross, Noah Collins, and more for Give 5 1 p.m. Bessie Smith Hall, 200 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-8658. www.myspace.com/givefreely Gary Poole, Hegarty and Deyoung, Eddies of the Wind, Bill E. Payne and more for Give 5 1 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.myspace.com/givefreely Steve Brehm, Emily Grace, Jonathan Wimpee, TJ Greever, Matt Bohannon and more for Give 5 1 p.m. Waterhouse Pavilion, Miller Plaza, 850 Market St. www.myspace.com/givefreely Mike McDade, Amber Fults, Gabriel Newell, Tiffany Taylor, Gerle Haggerd and more for Give 5 1 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia Jim Bryan 6 p.m. Rock City, 1400 Patten Rd. (706) 820-2531. www.seerockcity.com Irish Music Sessions 6 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike. (423) 266-1996. www.tremonttavern.com Rick Rushing and Blue Strangers

Sunday Spotlight

6:30 p.m. Mudpie Restaurant, 12 Frazier Ave. (423) 267-9043. www.mudpierestuarant.com I am Terrified, Holding onto Hope, The Hearts Story, Everybody Loves the Hero, HYMSG 7 p.m. The Warehouse, 5716 Ringgold Rd. myspace.com/warehousetn

Monday, Dec. 14 Old Tyme Players 6 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Monday Night Big Band 7 p.m. Lindsay Street Hall, 901 Lindsay St. (423) 755-9111. www.lindsaystreethall.com

DJ at the Palms 8 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com

Jim Bryan Live

Tuesday, Dec. 15

Adults $21.95 Children $12.95 6 p.m. Rock City Enchanted Gardens, 1400 Patten Rd. (706) 820-2531. www.seerockcity.com

The Ben Friberg Trio 7 p.m. Table 2, 232 E. 11th Street, (423) 756-8253. www.table2restaurant.com In the Midst of Lions, Hands, We Were Gentleman, Every Word a Prophecy, Thaddeus 7 p.m. The Warehouse, 5716 Ringgold Rd. myspace.com/warehousetn Billy Hopkins & Friends 8 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com

Editor’s Pick of the Week

Enjoy the acoustic tunes of Jim Bryan while sipping hot cocoa at the Enchanted Garden of Lights.

Open Mic with Hellcat 9 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919. Channing Wilson 9 p.m. Spectators, 7804 E. Brainerd Rd. (423) 648- 6679. Jonathan Wimpee 9 p.m. Northshore Grille, 16 Frazier Ave. (423) 757-2000. www.northshoregrille.com Open Mic with Mike McDade 9 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike. (423) 266-1966. www.tremonttavern.com Karaoke 9:30 p.m. Bud’s, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com

Wednesday, Dec. 16

“Give 5” Art and Music to Change Lives More than 65 local artists and musicians join together to raise awareness and funds to support two local singleparent families transitioning from homelessness to stable living. “Give 5” will span four stages at the Miller Pavilion, Market Street Tavern, Bessie Smith Hall, and JJ’s Bohemia. This event shows the compassion and drive in the Chattanooga arts and entertainment community and provides more and more opportunities for locals to get involved and show their talent. Sunday, December 13 $5 www.myspace.com/givefreely Located at MLK and Market St.

Ben Friberg Jazz Trio 7 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Bobby Cheatham 7 p.m. Red Rock Grille, 1743 Dayton Blvd. (423) 634-1999. Kenny G. Christmas Show 7:30 p.m. Memorial Auditorium, 399 McCallie Ave. (423)757-TIXS. www.chattanoogaonstage.com Fried Chicken 8 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. Jennifer Daniels and Erick Baker Christmas Show 8 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. Open Mic 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia

95.3 Pulse News www.chattanoogapulse.com 12.10.09 The Pulse

Music Feature

Gamer Music Gurus By Hellcat

will go ahead and admit that I am a closet gamer. I was obsessed with all versions of Fallout, Baldur’s Gate, and Vampire the Masquerade for PC, although I would feel horrible if I left out the DOS game Dope Wars. I grew up fighting over Nintendo and Super Nintendo with my brother, who always made me play Luigi. Eventually, I moved into PlayStation and PlayStation 2. Embarrassed by my addiction and terrified that I would inevitably be sucked into World of Warcraft and fall off the planet; I recently had to give them away, but now am an avid Mafia Wars junkie. Sad, I know. However, I am always driven to salivation by classic arcade games, such as Galaga, PacMan or any form of pinball. You are probably wondering what any of this has to do with music—which is a valid question and I will give you an answer.

completely, Dr. Light creates Megaman, another robot, but he warns this one that the human race is beyond saving. Megaman disagrees with this and still finds hope. Protoman and his brother, Megaman, disagree about the human ability to save themselves. Understandably, Protoman lost a bit of faith when he was defeated right in front of the eyes of the masses without a single gesture of aid. Protoman dies in the arms of his brother, but before he goes, he wonders if his story is told, then the human race might come to realize that a true “hero is just a man who knows he is free.” The Protomen, the band, as a result, are the storytellers passing on the tale of Protoman and Megaman through their music, hoping that perhaps, one day we will figure it all out. The Protomen create music, or, rather, rock operas, built and based completely on the stories and tales from the game Megaman. The sound can clearly be described as rock and roll with a little twist of sci-fi and videogame effects. They do have some songs that are reminiscent of the ingame music played in the actual Megaman game, but with their own additions and subtractions. They dress up in costumes for every performance and refuse to come out of character for any reason, including interviews. It takes a lot of people to put on a rock opera—and a big stage, considering there are ten members. Each member goes by a codename, and as with any true superhero, they keep their real identities hidden. The codenames are as follows: Commander, Murphy, Panther, Sir Robert Bakker, The Replicant, K.I.L.R.O.Y, The Gambler, The Nightwalker, The Reanimator and The Keymaster. As far as who they really are—that pretty much remains a mystery unless you want to come out and see if you can coax one of the members to break character. They hail from Nashville, and some of them attended MTSU. That’s truly all I know about them behind their silver makeup and amazing stage presence. If you haven’t seen them, you really should give them a try just for the experience alone.

“The Protomen are the storytellers passing on the tale of Protoman and Megaman through their music.” But first: a question of my own. Who remembers Megaman? For those of you who do not, I will give you a brief summary. It was an early NES game that has blatant political parallels. Dr. Wily, the villain, creates an army of evil robots that wreak havoc on the human race. People helplessly watch their world destroyed and their rights suppressed under such darkly strict control. Enter the good guy, Dr. Light. Dr. Light creates a savior, a robot messiah, named Protoman, “the son of light”, to defeat the evil robots. Unfortunately, the attempt does not work because the human race will not stand up and fight for their rights or their freedom. Protoman is thought to be dead (although he was still alive, he just lost hope in humanity). Instead of giving up

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Whatever it is that these guys are doing, it seems to be working, as they signed onto the Sound Machine label, and are endorsed by Peavy Electronics, and C&C Drums, among others. They have played Ernie Ball’s Warped Tour Battle of the Bands, and have proven to be fairly successful since their start in 2005. Their second full-length album is available now, called Act II-The Father of Death. Their first album was pretty intense, so I am definitely looking forward to the new one. The Protomen will be playing two shows, so pick your night to game it up and become allies! They will be playing Friday night at JJ’s Bohemia with Daikaiju, and a Toys for Tots benefit on Saturday at Midtown Music Hall. Here is an idea: Clean out some of your own games and give a needy child a happier holiday. Who knows—perhaps they will be so inspired by the game you got them, they may start a band based on it! Happy gaming, everyone!

The Protomen Friday, December 11 (with Daikaiju) 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia Saturday, December 12 (Toys for Tots benefit) 10 p.m. Midtown Music Hall, 820 Georgia Ave. (423) 752-1977. www.midtownmusichall.com

New Music Reviews

By Ernie Paik

Big Star

Lisa Germano

Keep an Eye on the Sky

Magic Neighbor

(Rhino)

(Young God)

In the ’70s, Memphis proto-powerpop band Big Star was admired, but the group didn’t exactly get the appreciation it deserved before it disbanded in 1974. This is painfully evident on the last disc of the 4-CD boxed set Keep an Eye on the Sky, which documents a 1973 opening set where the audience gives a lukewarm reception, impatiently awaiting the headlining act. Unbelievably, classics like “Back of a Car” and “The Ballad of El Goodo” are met with sparse, tepid clapping. It was just a matter of time for left-of-the-dial bands such as R.E.M., Teenage Fanclub, and the Bangles to become vocal adherents in the ’80s and ’90s, leading to key reissues and resurgence in interest in the group. In the three-and-a-half decades since Big Star disbanded, the group’s reputation has become ironclad, and a retrospective boxed set makes sense. However, this might not be the release that ushers in the new generation of fans—newcomers would do just fine starting with the first three albums: #1 Record, Radio City, and Third (a.k.a. Sister Lovers). Despite a few trifles, those are nearly perfect, must-have albums; the first two have incredible rock hooks, alternately lively and tender, and the third is a different beast, with intensely bleak moments and chamber orchestra flourishes. Keep an Eye on the Sky attempts to have a balanced look at the band while largely appealing to devoted fans. About half of the set is previously unreleased material, and much of that is comprised of alternate versions; some of the differences are very subtle, while other songs have new sets of lyrics or are stripped-down demos. Fans will be glad to have tracks from related pre-Big Star bands Icewater and Rock City (and more rarities like these are on the newly released 2-disc special edition of member Chris Bell’s I Am the Cosmos). However, they will probably not be thrilled to buy two discs worth of material they probably already had, and the live disc is good but not revelatory. Bean-counting aside, while it doesn’t replace the first three albums, it’s a handsome set that’s impressive on its own terms, in documentation and presentation.

Lisa Germano, the Midwestborn violinist side-woman turned solo artist, has two extremes: the conventional, radio-friendly style heard sometimes in her early solo career (“You Make Me Want to Wear Dresses” is the epitome of this), or the harrowing, troubling side, dealing with her true-life topics such as being the target of a stalker (Geek the Girl) and having a drinking problem (Lullaby for Liquid Pig) with a woozy, delirious style. Now at hand is Germano’s eighth solo record, Magic Neighbor, which draws inspiration from…kitty-cats. While fans have come to expect varying degrees of anguish in her late career, this feline-centric album actually takes a positive attitude for the most part; however, it isn’t just a ball of fluff. The idea for the title track came from Germano’s neighbor who, apparently, had her own cats euthanized in order to devote resources toward remodeling her kitchen; atop the waltz-time piano notes mid-song, there are tiny drum explosions, swirling notes, and disapproving hisses. Germano explained that she was motivated by her cat, a cancer survivor, and encouraging phrases pepper the album. On “To the Mighty One,” Germano affirms with reoccurring lines like “I’m in control” and “It’s a beautiful day” with her breathy, intoxicating voice. The sound of Magic Neighbor is not too far from her last album, In the Maybe World, with piano-centric songs, violin melodies, some pedal steel flourishes, and some odd synthetic accents, and the ambient composer and keyboard player Harold Budd even contributes some sonic abstractions to “Painting the Doors.” Germano doesn’t linger in her cozy spaces as long as one might want, and Magic Neighbor seems to go by too quickly, in just over half an hour. Her emotionally devastating moments are the ones toward which certain fans are drawn, and those aren’t present on this album. But Germano gets by on musical charm and beauty and reflects a seemingly new, bright attitude of wanting to provide comfort, after seeking comfort. 95.3 Pulse News www.chattanoogapulse.com 12.10.09 The Pulse

The Pulse 12.10.09 www.chattanoogapulse.com 95.3 Pulse News

Film Feature

Acting Can’t Save Dumbed-Down Brothers By Phillip Johnston

he film director Stanley Kubrick once said, “If it can be written, or thought, it can be filmed.” He was right, but it seems as though filmmakers of late prefer to tweak Kubrick’s phraselet to say, “If it can be rewritten or re-thought, it can be re-filmed.” All these remakes of horror films (The Last House on the Left, Halloween 2), action films (The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3) and comedies (Chris Rock’s “urban remake” of the British comedy Death at a Funeral is in the works) prove that we’re no longer comfortable with originality because, darn it, originality just takes too much work. The new film Brothers is the most current example of this. A tense melodrama pining for a couple of Oscar statuettes, Brothers is a retread of a better Danish film with the same title. It stars Natalie Portman as Grace Cahill, a grieving wife and mother of two who believes her Marine husband Sam (Tobey McGuire) has been killed overseas in a helicopter crash. In her anguish, her husband’s brother Tommy (Jake Gyllenhaal) tries to comfort her and the two find solace—if only for a moment—in each other’s lonely embrace.

socialite, the strong man, while Tommy usually slipped into the background unnoticed. The first time we see Sam, he is leading a troop of Marines into the fray; our first glimpse of Tommy is a straggling drunk returning a car he borrowed without asking. It is eventually brought to light that Sam is not dead and that he was held captive by rebels in Afghanistan, forced to do inhumane things known only to him. He returns home a miserable shell of a man, unsure of himself and worried that Tommy has been sleeping with his wife. After seeing how comfortably Tommy interacts with Grace and the two young daughters, he tells his brother that all can be forgiven. “You thought I was dead,” he says, but it is clear that the crux of his paranoia comes from unstoppable thoughts of the passion that may have occurred between his brother and his wife. From here, Brothers is a tightly wound ball of dread that begins to unravel piece-by-piece, moment-by-moment. There is one scene in particular that epitomizes this best. A little while after Sam’s return, the whole family is gathered around the dinner table celebrating a birthday. The two little girls wear party hats, Sam and Grace sit across from each other, Hank is at the head, and in an attempt to offset his attraction to Grace, Tommy has brought a talkative, sexy blond he met an hour before. The blond enjoys talking about herself, voicing her opinions about how the military works and how people in the armed forces should be treated. All the emotion pent up in Brothers thus far—the fractured relationships between father and son, husband and wife, parent and child—here begins to spill out like bees from a flaming hive. The scene climaxes in a moment of unexpected terror when one of the little girls becomes so angry that she makes the

“Director Jim Sheridan does fall prey to temptations that go hand-in-hand with transferring the modern European film aesthetic, with its cold tones and quiet reflection, to the American multiplex.” Sam and Tommy’s father Hank (Sam Shepard) is a Vietnam vet whose face and demeanor have been worn and tarnished by time and too much alcohol. Sam was his father’s beloved son, the athlete, the

pronouncement that her mother would rather sleep with Uncle Tommy than Sam. It’s a terrifying scene and it recalls the most memorable aspect of the original Danish film: complete reliance on actors to move the drama along. No music, no fancy camera work—just raw acting. Director Jim Sheridan (My Left Foot, In America) isn’t afraid of this in the most dramatic scenes, but he does fall prey in other moments to temptations that go hand-in-hand with transferring the modern European film aesthetic, with its cold tones and quiet reflection, to the American multiplex. There are goofy supporting characters to provide comic relief from all the grief, a music montage, and bookended narration from Sam just to make sure that we fully understand that life is tough. Though the script is nimble on an interpersonal level and there are some robust moments, as a whole, Brothers seems an attempt to fashion an infinitely complex piece of source material into something accessible for the lowest common denominator. It all seems lazy in the end—and no amount of good acting can make up for that.

Brothers Directed by Jim Sheridan Starring Natalie Portman, Tobey McGuire, Jake Gyllenhaal Rated R Running time: 1 hour, 50 minutes

95.3 Pulse News www.chattanoogapulse.com 12.10.09 The Pulse

On The Beat

The Mandate of Excessive Force By Alex Teach

“I see the 67 percent reduction in suspect injuries after Tasers are put in use as a plus. I see the 80 percent reduction in officer injuries as a plus, as I do instances of lethal force going down by 69 percent.”

When officer Alexander D. Teach is not patrolling our fair city on the heels of the criminal element, he is an occasional student at UTC, an up and coming carpenter, auto mechanic, prominent boating enthusiast, and spends his spare time volunteering for the Boehm Birth Defects Center.

s my immediate (and distal) supervisors will tell you, it is a rare moment that I write with any apprehension whatsoever. First, the odds of me writing two columns back-to-back about electricity in law enforcement are somewhat statistically spectacular. I am fairly impressed by this. Second, this is a topic on which even I do not wish to verbalize my opinions, despite my first-hand experience, due to its unacceptable societal nature. Perhaps it is because I feel shame (HA! Yeah, I thought it was funny too!). But more than likely it’s because I am not a goddamned idiot and feel it is as foolish to attempt to describe the physical requirements of law enforcement and the need to actually use hands or force to the “media” as it does for anyone to attempt to allow Congress to regulate medical care and expenses to “medical doctors,” while literally in the process of bankrupting the system upon which said Congress claims the apparent credibility to do so. This country has firmly denied the need for professionals to make policy and practice decisions in their own specialty…so who am I to shake that voter-upheld belief? So instead, like the physicians, I shut up and just do the work. That said, I think the persecution of Tasers as an effective tool for police officers is freakin’ ridiculous. First is the thought that just their very use is “wrong” and “cruel”, regardless of circumstances. That’s what the reporter from NewsChannel 9 thinks. That’s what the “image blurred silhouetted” witness said as well about Erlanger’s public relations nightmare, too. Do you know why? Because in the case of the Brainerd High student Tasing, that reporter WASN’T the one in the hallway trying to keep a 6’4”, 18-year-old male in the prime of his life from whipping the ass of the juvenile student, as the 5’4” female SRO was. The “image blurred” witness wasn’t the one fighting with the 300-lb., 53-year-old mental patient either. Ask Officer Jacob Chestnut, or Officer John Gibson of the U.S. Capitol Police.

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Well, you won’t be able to get answers—because they’re two of the dozens of volunteer human police officers killed each year by mentally impaired Americans. I can’t even identify the ass the Taser-hating comes from. That people die after their use is both incontrovertible and newsworthy. What is overlooked is that these people are almost exclusively end-stage chronic cocaine or methamphetamine users and/ or mental patients who experience a sequence of events typically referred to “excited delirium.” Chronic, illicit stimulant abuse, presence of certain mental health conditions, and also use of certain mental health medications and the refusal to take said prescribed medications are giant mountain-sized precursors to these deaths. This is not mentioned in “the news,” but since a Taser was used hours earlier—well, that must be it—despite the fact that the use of electricity is instantaneously started and stopped at the precise frequencies used by our own brains to halt muscular activities. And that the incidents occur hours before death, not indicating “instant death” as described by reporters. Ever been shocked by putting your tongue on a nine-volt or plugging in something outside of your sight at 120 volts? Me, too. Still alive. I’ve been hit four times by a Taser’s 50,000 volts, but because of its frequencyspecific nature…still alive. Chronic obesity and congenital heart defects, plus excessive exertion signaling the body to slow down due to excessive blood acid levels because you are naked and fighting police? Death is a possible result...Tased or not. And even the non-lethal but “offensive” case of the 18-year-old high-school student who lived? He was out of control and fighting people. The alternative for the SRO was to use her (or his) hands and enter the fight. Or to use the object the Taser replaces, a STEEL BATON to mitigate the fighting circumstances. Both are better—right? Punching the “child”, or using a steel baton for submission? Or should they have been “fair only” and squared off, Greco-Roman style, like Captain Kirk and the Gorn? Policing isn’t competitive boxing, folks. We don’t go round after round hand-to-hand, and go home when

defeated. We go round after round for eight hours, every day, and we do it by fighting one step above. Even boxers get six months between bouts. So when you take that Taser away, you give me back a steel club or my fists to fight that 18 year old with, or that mental patient, who both outweigh me. And when you do that, because you have the mindset that, “It is cold because I put a jacket on, I didn’t put a jacket on because it’s cold”, you are forcing me to take it to a more lethal level. Commissioner Beck, if you want me to be “tough enough” (your words) to take a kid on with my hands instead of shocking him out of a fight, you got it, despite my experience and opinion. Reporter from Channel 9, you want me to use a steel baton to stop a combative mental patient instead of a shock? You got it—you know best. And to the “image blurred silhouetted” witness: If you need protection from retaliation from the Erlanger Police? Heh…I love a good laugh, but I will give it to you personally for free as soon as I catch my breath. I’ll even watch out for Mall Security Retaliation as an incentive. After I stop laughing. I see the 67 percent reduction in suspect injuries after Tasers are put in use as a plus. I see the 80 percent reduction in officer injuries as a plus, as I do instances of lethal force going down by 69 percent. But I interpret the encouragement to go to hands-on fighting and use of steel clubs as a bad sign, people. And I’m the “bad guy” here? So when you curse me and spit at me, look above and do the numbers. I’ll be here in my cage with my club and my fists if you need me in the meantime. I don’t like it, but we’re not allowed to stop to “be nice”. Like politicians and liberals in general, the other side just doesn’t always listen to reason.

95.3 Pulse News www.chattanoogapulse.com 12.10.09 The Pulse

Arts & Entertainment

Have Yourself a Merry Madeline Christmas By Stephanie Smith “In an old house in Paris that was covered with vines, lived twelve little girls in two straight lines. They left the house, at half past nine in two straight lines, in rain or shine. The smallest one was MADELINE.” — Ludwig Bemelmans

nd so begins the beloved series that has been popular the world over with children and adults alike for more than 60 years. This holiday season, the Youth Theatre at the Chattanooga Theatre Centre brings Bemelmans’ story of his beloved heroine to life with the musical, Madeline’s Christmas, book and lyrics by Jennifer Kirkeby and music by Shirley Mier.

Bemelmans’ original story, Madeline’s Christmas, is the third in his series about an irrepressible, feisty and ultimately fearless little girl who was a smart and strong role model for girls in the pre-feminist era of the ’50s, when it was originally published. Many critics think that Madeline was based on her creator, who was himself a creative, free-spirited, and strongly opinionated non-conformist novelist, muralist, nonfiction writer, screenwriter and oil painter. Bemelmans himself preferred to describe his strengths more as artistillustrator than writer, but what made him an effective children’s book author was his ability to write stories for children that did not insult them. “We are writing for children, but not for idiots,” he once stated. In this story, he once again sends the precocious Madeline to the rescue. When the 12 little girls go out in the cold, 11 have left their scarves drying and end up sick in bed, along with their beloved teacher, Miss Clavel. (There’s no bad guy here, just bad

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germs.) Madeline, who didn’t obey the rules and forgot to wash her scarf, is the only one who doesn’t get sick. As she is busy caring for the girls, who are bemoaning the fact that they can’t go home to their families for Christmas, a rug salesman appears at the door. He sells them 12 magical flying rugs, instantly heals the girls, and they all fly home for Christmas and back to the boarding house for New Year’s Day. “It’s a book you would have read as a little kid, but you would enjoy the musical even as an adult now. [The musical] is longer and has more details,” explains Anna Shaw, who plays Simone. “The girls sing to express their feelings and you see more how little girls act.” “For people who have read [the book], it’s really amazing,” says Savannah McMahan (Kate). “[The girls] have the flu or a cold. They are really happy or sick and they want to sing about it.” Lily Armstrong (Isabelle) agrees. “You get more personality from the girls. More depth. It’s easier for little kids to understand.” Maggie Meller (Madeline) can’t wait for people to see the show. “It’s a fun thing. There’s ice cream in the show. We fly on magic carpets. There’s a Christmas tree. There’s Christmas music. The hats are little—what’s that word?—berets, and we wear red coats with black buttons.” Adults who read the story years ago will enjoy Madeline’s Christmas,

insist the girls, but they really want other children to see the show and then become involved with the Youth Theatre at the CTC. Lily enthuses, “My entire goal for every play I’m in is for them to say, ‘I want to do that!’” Children interested in getting involved with the Youth Theatre can go on the CTC website at www.theatrecentre.com for more information. And why would they do that? “Because it’s awesome!” exclaims Maggie.

Madeline’s Christmas $7 7:30 p.m. December 11,18 2:30 p.m. December 13,14,19, 20 Chattanooga Theatre Centre, Circle Stage 400 River St. (423) 267-8538 www.theatrecentre.com

A&E Calendar Friday

Thursday

Messiah Sing-ALong with the CSO Bring your own copy and sing out for the season. $10 (or $5 with new toy) First Baptist Church, 401 Gateway Avenue www.chattanoogasymphony.org

Send your calendar events to us at calendar@chattanoogapulse.com

“Alchemy” Opening Reception 5 p.m. Shuptrine Fine Art, 2646 Broad St. (423) 266-4453. “String Theory” 6:30 p.m. Hunter Museum of Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944. www.huntermuseum.org Bad Year For Tomatoes 6:30 p.m. First Centenary United Methodist Church, 419 McCallie Ave. (423) 877-7050. Street Fight Film 7 p.m. green|spaces, 63 E. Main St. (423) 648-6499. Toy Shop Opera 7:30 p.m. Chattanooga High School for Creative Arts, 1301 Dallas Rd. (423) 209-5942. Covenant Chorale Christmas Concert 8 p.m. Brown Chapel, Covenant College, 14049 Scenic Hwy. (706) 419-1453.

Chattanooga Ballet’s The Nutcracker Collaboration on the classic with the CSO. $15-$29 Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad Street (423) 265-0617.

Saturday

Holiday Open Studios Valerie Fleming’s photo collages, Vaughan Greene’s pottery, Peaches Edelstein’s fashions. Free 10 a.m - 5 p.m. 4714 Florida Avenue (423) 313-3427.

Monday Oils and Acrylics by Charlie Newton 9 a.m. North River Civic Center, 1009 Executive Dr. (423) 870-8924. Jewish Film Series: Hollywoodism: The Champagne Story 7 p.m. Jewish Cultural Center, 5461 Terrace Ave. (423) 493-0270. “Speak Easy” Spoken word and poetry 8 p.m. Mudpie Restaurant, 12 Frazier Ave. (423) 267-9040. “The Kennedy’s: Portrait of a Family” Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944. “Look Again” River Gallery, 400 E. Second St. (423) 265-5033. www.river-gallery.com

White Christmas 9 a.m. Colonnade Center, 264 Catoosa Cir., Ringgold, GA. (706) 935-9000. Christmas at Southern Concert 4 p.m. Southern Adventist University, (423) 236-2880. Matthew Dutton Solo Art Exhibition Opening 6 p.m. Mosaic Gallery, 412 Market St. (423) 320-6758. Open House with Lily Smernou and Denise Bizot 6:30 p.m. Lookout Mountain Gallery, 3535-A Broad St. (423) 508-8117. Fezziwig Feast 6:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, Main Lobby. 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. Applachian Christmas 7 p.m. Miller Plaza’s Waterhouse Pavilion. (423) 265-0771.

16th Annual Christmas Fest 7:30 p.m. Signal Mountain Presbyterian. (423) 886-2190. Dale Jones 7:30 & 10 p.m. The Comedy Catch & Giggles Grille, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. Madeline’s Christmas 7:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, Circle Stage, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. White Christmas 7:30 p.m. Colonnade Center, 264 Catoosa Cir., Ringgold, GA. (706) 935-9000. Nutcracker Christmas Carol 7:30 p.m. Chattanooga State Humanities Theater, 4501 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 697-3133. A Christmas Carol 8 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, Main Stage 400 River St. (423) 267-8534.

Sunday White Christmas 10 a.m. & 7:30 p.m. Colonnade Center, 264 Catoosa Cir., Ringgold, GA. (706) 935-9000. Mosaic Market 11 a.m. 412 Market St. (corner of 4th/Market) (423) 624-3915. Bad Year For Tomatoes 2 p.m. First Centenary United Methodist Church, 419 McCallie Ave. (423) 877-7050. Madeline’s Christmas 2:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, Circle Stage, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. Santaland Diaries 7 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, Circle Stage, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. Dale Jones 7:30 & 10 p.m. The Comedy Catch & Giggles Grille, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233.

Nutcracker Christmas Carol 7:30 p.m. Chattanooga State Humanities Theater, 4501 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 697-3133. Behold the Lamb of God: The True Tall Tale of the Coming of Christ 7:30 p.m. Ripple Theater, 3264 Brainerd Rd. (423) 475-3006. www.rippletheater.com The Nutcracker 8 p.m. Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad St. (423) 267-8587. A Christmas Carol 8 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, Main Stage 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. “Angels” by Mary Ferris Kelly Exum Gallery, St. Paul’s Episcopal, 305 7th St. (423) 266-8195. “Holiday Highlights” Houston Museum of Arts, 201 High St. (423) 267-7176.

Tuesday

Wednesday

Arts Chatt 5 p.m. Easy Bistro, 203 Broad St. (423) 756-2787. La Strada 6:30 p.m. Chattanooga-Hamilton Bicentennial Library, 1001 Broad St. (423) 757-5310. “Visions of Christmas: Past and Present” 7:30 p.m. First Centenary United Methodist Church, 419 McCallie Ave. (423) 877-7050. “Love Supreme: An Exhibit Inspired by the Legendary John Coltrane” Chattanooga African American Museum, 200 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-8658. Bradley Wilson “Hard Lessons in Zoology: Paintings, Drawings, Assemblages” In-Town Gallery, 26A Frazier Ave. (423) 267-9214.

“Surface Tension: AVA Invitational” Association for Visual Arts, 30 Frazier Ave. (423) 265-4282. “Paris Comes to Chattanooga” Artful Eye Gallery, 5646 Brainerd Rd. (423) 855-7424. “Earth” Warehouse Row Project Space, 1110 Market St. (423) 280-7182. www.tannerhillgallery.com Jazz Photography by Milt Hinton Chattanooga African American Museum, 200 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-8658. “Deck the Falls” Ruby Falls, 1720 S. Scenic Hwy. (423) 821-2544. “Twenty Original American Etchings” Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944.

The Nutcracker Christmas Carol Musical spoof combining bits of all the Christmas perennials. $10 2:30 p.m. Chattanooga State Humanities Theatre, 4501 Amnicola Highway (423) 697-3113.

Holiday Open Studio Noon. Vaughan’s, 4714 Florida Ave. (423) 313-3421. The Nutcracker 2 p.m. Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad St. (423) 267-8587. A Christmas Carol 2:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, Main Stage 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. Behold the Lamb of God: The True Tall Tale of the Coming of Christ 2:30 p.m. Ripple Theater, 3264 Brainerd Rd. (423) 475-3006. Madeline’s Christmas 2:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, Circle Stage, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. Santaland Diaries 7 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, Circle Stage, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534.

Editor’s Pick: Featured Event Of The Week The Santaland Diaries If you are a fan of the inimitable David Sedaris, don’t miss this version of his iconic take on what it’s like being an elf at Macy’s during the holidays. The evening also features the return of two favorite characters from the CTC’s production of Psycho Beach Party. So the place to be to avoid holiday overdose. Saturday, December 12 and Sunday, December 13 $15 Chattanooga Theatre Centre, Circle Stage, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.com

95.3 Pulse News www.chattanoogapulse.com 12.10.09 The Pulse

Spirits Within

Superb Picks from Sonoma By Joshua Hurley

hat did we discuss last week? Oh, yes—it was singlebarrel bourbon whiskey. And the week before? We helped out the environment by purchasing a bottle of vodka. Well, what’s on for this week’s “Great Buy”? How about getting back to wine?

Solution To Last Week’s Puzzle

Never Worry About Losing A Copy Of The Pulse Keep Up Online at www.chattanoogapulse.com

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Great Buys is where Riley’s Wine and Spirits on Hixson Pike in Hixson picks a favorite item from our large selection of wine and spirits from around the world and discusses it with the readership of The Pulse. This week we pick three outstanding wine varietals from Leese Fitch. Leese Fitch is a wine label from Don Sebastiani and Sons Winery. Does the name “Sebastiani” ring a bell? It certainly should. Sebastiani is one of the oldest and most respected names in California wine. In 1904, Samuele Sebastiani founded Sebastiani Vineyards, a winery located on the edge of Sonoma in California. In 1944, his son August took over the business. Upon August’s death in 1980, his son Sam assumed the dayto-day operations—and then began to transform the winery’s large, fourmillion-case-a-year output by thinning its line of generic-style jug wines and adding some higher-quality straight varietal wines, such as cabernet sauvignon, merlot, chardonnay and zinfandel. This caused massive uproar within the Sebastiani family and by the mid-’80s, Sam left the winery, and his brother Don took over in 1986. After nearly 25 years of successful wine producing, Don and his two sons, Donny and August, formed a new wine company called Three Loose Screws, a smaller company dedicated to giving consumers the highest quality wine at the lowest possible price. Among the best in a portfolio that includes “Hey Mambo Chardonnay’” and “Plungerhead Red Zinfandel” are Leese Fitch Wines. Leese Fitch Wines celebrate the family home of Don Sebastiani and sons, The Leese Fitch Adobe. The adobe house was built in 1836, and is a historical landmark in Sonoma Plaza, named after Jacob Leese and Henry Fitch, brothers-in-law to General Mariano Vallejo, the founder of the town of Sonoma. Leese Fitch offers three varietals to choose from:

“Among the best in a portfolio that includes ‘Hey Mambo Chardonnay’ and ‘Plungerhead Red Zinfandel’ are Leese Fitch Wines.” merlot, chardonnay and cabernet sauvignon. Leese Fitch California Merlot 2007 is a crimson-red wine, containing all the familiar aromas associated with merlot: dark chocolate, huckleberry and hints of cassis. The palate is smooth, with flavors of dark fruit including black cherry, boysenberry and blackberry. The long finish consists of white pepper and toasted oak. Pair this merlot with your favorite steak, including rib eyes and porterhouses. Leese Fitch 2007 California Chardonnay is a blended white wine that brings together the two best chardonnay harvests from 2007: Livermore and Monterey. The Livermore fruit was fermented first in French oak, after which it was aged on the lees for four months. Lees aging can develop more flavor for a wine by leaving a small percentage of sediment in the juice during fermentation. The fruit from Monterey was picked late harvest. Late harvest is a more intense fruit flavor from the grape. This chardonnay displays bright lemon flavors and works with or without food. Leese Fitch 2007 California Cabernet Sauvignon is the cream of the crop. This complex red wine scored 94 points at the California State Fair Wine Competition’. After the fruit is handpicked and crushed, it is aged in French oak, which adds depth and structure. It’s ruby red in color with aromas of black cherry, root beer and cedar followed by flavors of berry cobbler, cappuccino and chocolate-covered mints. You may taste toasted marshmallows and blueberries on the finish. Pair this red wine with burgers, steaks, veal and sweet potatoes. Yum!

Table Service

A Culinary Walk Through China By Colleen Wade

election. Selection is key in the world of buffet dining. China Moon in the Eastgate Town Center is well aware of this. Perhaps it is what makes them so successful. When China Moon opened its doors in 1998, it was the first big New York-style buffet in the Chattanooga area, seating about 200 people. Since its ribbon-cutting ceremony, China Moon has expanded to seat more than 350 people and has been voted “Best Chinese Restaurant” in both 2001 and 2007. Walking along the buffet lines at China Moon is much like taking a stroll through the various regions of China. There are Cantonese dishes like chow mein—a stir-fried dish consisting of noodles, meat, onions and celery, lo mein—lo mein noodles tossed with brown sauce, carrots, bok choy or cabbage, onions and, often, meat, and salt-andpepper shrimp—a deep-fried delicacy cooked in the shell and delightfully seasoned with salt, pepper and Chinese spices. Hunan province is represented with such fare as spare ribs—an appetizer cooked in char sui style, roasted with a savory, sweet sauce,

Hunan beef—a spicy beef entrée cooked with spices and peppers found in the Hunan region of China, and General Tso’s Chicken—a sweet and spicy deep-fried chicken dish. You’ll also find traditional Szechuan recipes like kung pao chicken—diced marinated chicken, stir-fried with skinless, unsalted, roasted peanuts, vegetables and sauces, or hot-and-sour soup—made with pork, mushrooms, tofu, hot chili sauce for the heat and vinegar for the sourness. Nestled among the Chinese delights, you’ll find alternatives (for those of you with picky eaters), such as French fries and chicken nuggets. There is also a plentiful salad bar and fresh fruit for the health conscious. Healthy food choices are abundant on the menu with such dishes as steamed chicken with mixed vegetables and steamed seafood delight. You’ll recognize Chinese eats that have become more Americanized, like beef with broccoli, pepper steak, and sweetand-sour chicken. China Moon experienced such success as a Chinese buffet that the owners made a decision to take their buffet a little further East. They have added a sushi bar and teppanyaki grill a la Japan. Teppanyaki is a style of Japanese cuisine that uses an iron griddle to cook. At China Moon, you

“Walking along the buffet lines at China Moon is much like taking a stroll through the various regions of China.”

choose your own mixture of meats and vegetables to be prepared while you wait. According to China Moon diners, the selection of dishes on the buffet is only one reason they keep coming back. Diners rave about the promptness of the waitstaff and the freshness of the food on the buffet. China Moon attendants are constantly refilling the more than 250 dishes to ensure the quality and variety patrons have come to expect. Diners can also appreciate the fabulous prices at China Moon. Monday through Saturday, lunch buffet is a paltry $5.95 and dinner is only $8.95. All day on Sunday, you can dine for only $7.50. So—selection, service, and savings—China Moon has hit the dining trifecta! China Moon is a completely nonsmoking establishment, and has two party rooms that can be rented for private functions. China Moon is at 5600 Brainerd Road, in the Eastgate Town Center. They are open Monday through Sunday, from 11 a.m. until 9:30 p.m.

95.3 Pulse News www.chattanoogapulse.com 12.10.09 The Pulse

Shades Of Green

Home Sweet Healthy Home By Victoria Hurst

“Clayton Homes seems to have the right idea: Start change internally, so that there can be a greater understanding of the economics behind the environmental decisions.”

Victoria Hurst is a proud resident of the Appalachian Mountains. She has recently graduated from Warren Wilson College with a B.A. in Creative Writing.

couple of weeks ago, guest writer Joe Wilferth presented an enticing shade of green in his column “Sustainability Meditation.” Wilferth, a professor at UTC, presented some his ideas on “green lifestyles” and suggested that there is more of a need to adjust our modern lifestyle than to revert back to a more primitive one. He referenced some “key terms” we need to use when discussing humans’ relationship with the environment: cost, economy, economics, and progress. Wilferth also mentioned overhearing someone commenting on the inherently destructive nature of the human race. While I can’t disagree with this statement, I have to say that humans are, simultaneously, inherently constructive. From the beginning of the species, we have been using what we can find in our surrounding environment to construct shelters, which eventually evolved into what we know today as communities. Somewhere in between cave dwelling and Levittowns, as the population became too large to be accommodated by a single forest, we have mucked up the concept of using aspects of the environment to live in. Instead, we try to block it out with plastic and vinyl. Small villages of houses have been erected for quantity, not quality, and those cheap and easy practices have resulted in homes that are inefficient, uneconomical, and

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sometimes unhealthy. As Wilferth mentioned, it is sometimes menial to discuss cutting back or doing less when what we should realistically be considering is using a different approach. In 1993, the United States Green Building Council (USGBC) was created as a nonprofit to serve the building industry by providing leadership, integration, and education. The council exists “to create a positive impact on the region’s built environment by accelerating the adoption of green building practices, technologies, and policies.” Companies can purchase a National Membership with the USGBC, and any full-time employee can utilize the benefits. There are also individual memberships available through local groups. We are fortunate to have a chapter here in East Tennessee, and joining is the best way for businesses or individuals to have access to resources and information that will enhance their involvement in green building. Clayton Homes, of Alcoa, TN, featured in the USGBC December newsletter, is America’s largest homebuilder, and is an example of how education and altering practices can result in a new and improved way of doing business. They have started by investing $108,000 to benefit their employees by cutting the company’s utility costs and upgrading the work environment. Clayton Homes achieved LEED status for its existing building in October of this year and has already saved 2,000,000 gallons of water in a 20-month period, as well as reducing their electricity consumption by one third. The company is especially

commendable because of the cultural changes it has offered to employees by providing them with recycling services, healthy food to take home from work, and on-site exercise facilities. Having these resources available at the workplace has allowed employees to alter their routines so that they have less commuting around town. Clayton Homes seems to have the right idea: Start change internally, so that there can be a greater understanding of the economics behind the environmental decisions. If the Green Building Council sounds like a resource that might help you make desired alterations to your lifestyle, now would be a good time to join (you can do this on the web site, http://chapters.usgbc.org/ easttn/membership.html). The annual membership meeting is next week, Wednesday, December 16, from 11:30 a.m.-1 p.m. at green|spaces on E. Main Street. This is the meeting at which members can vote for the Board of Directors and also find out about the chapter’s plans for the upcoming year. Even if you aren’t affiliated with a national member, the chapter has recently revised its by-laws so that any individual member can vote and also run for a position on the board. In the spirit of making a change, the USGBC’s Mission includes “transforming the way communities are designed, built, and maintained to enable a healthy and prosperous environment that improves the quality of life.” These kinds of transformations need to be embraced, not so that we can revert back to living in the earth or look forward to moving off of it, but so that we can find the balance that will allow this planet to remain our home sweet healthy home.

Free Will Astrology SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): One of your top accomplishments in 2009 is the way you have united parts of yourself that had not previously been very well connected. It seems you decided that you were tired of being split up into fragmented sub-personalities that had different agendas. Somehow you managed to convince them all to work together in a common cause. Now I’m quite impressed with the new spirit of cooperation that’s at work in your depths. I predict it will lead to an unprecedented singleness of purpose in 2010. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): In his book The Way of Transition, William Bridges defines the “neutral zone” as “that in-between time, after you’ve let go of your old life and before you have fully discovered and incorporated your new life.” Sound familiar? Maybe the neutral zone where you’re currently simmering isn’t as dramatic as that —maybe you haven’t been stripped of every single certainty and you’re not wandering in limbo. But I suspect you have at least let go of one aspect of your old familiar rhythm and have yet to ease into the one that’ll be familiar in the future. My advice? Don’t rush it. Get all you can out of this unique and educational time in the neutral zone. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): In 2009, the cosmic powers-that-be have been conspiring to get you to expand your self-image and enlarge your understanding of your place in the world. So I trust that in these last 12 months you have started a business or organized a support group or reinvented your physical appearance or begun your masterpiece—‘or done something to initiate a new phase in your long-term cycle. If for some reason you’ve been remiss about doing this work, I suggest you scramble to make up for lost time. And if you have been taking advantage of the abundant cosmic help, it’ll soon be time to move on to phase two: consolidation. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): To prepare for his turn to hit, a major league baseball player slips a doughnut-shaped piece of metal over the top of his bat, making it a few pounds heavier than it normally is. He then takes a number of practice swings. The theory is that when he removes the doughnut and strides up to home plate to actually hit against a pitcher who’s throwing the ball at 90 miles per hour, the bat will feel lighter and he’ll be able to swing faster. As you prepare for your own equivalent of going up to bat, Pisces, I urge you to use this as your operative metaphor. ARIES (March 21-April 19): “Indignation is one of the most rewarding of emotions,” writes Theodore Dalrymple, “as well as one that automatically gives meaning to life . . . There is nothing like irritation to get the juices circulating and the mind working.” Of all the ideas that have made me irritable and indignant in recent weeks, this one steams me the most. I disagree so completely that I am practically beside myself with paralyzing rage. And as I plunge my attention further and further into his ridiculous proposal, I feel the tension coursing through my body. I sense my mind becoming swampy, my perceptions distorted. There’s a good chance that I am inducing in myself a state of stressed-out stupidity. Please don’t follow my example, Aries. It’s possible that sour fury could be useful to you at other times, but right now you should avoid it. If you want your intelligence to work at peak efficiency in the coming days, you’ll need long stretches of tender, lucid calm. TAURUS (April 20-May 20): The evidence is incontrovertible: You have definitely acquired more power in 2009. Whether that means you are now sitting in a corner office bossing around a gaggle of subordinates, I don’t know. What I do know is that you are in greater charge of your own destiny. You know yourself much better, and are smarter about providing yourself with what you need, when you need it. You have gained access to enormous new reserves of willpower, in part by harnessing the energy of your obsessive tendencies. Blind fate just doesn’t have the same

By Rob Brezsny

JONESIN’

By Matt Jones

“Best Of The Decade”

–part one, starting with 2000-2001

control over your life as it used to. More than ever before, you’re making decisions based on what’s really good for you rather than on your unconscious compulsions. GEMINI (May 21-June 20): I trust you’ve traveled all over creation in 2009—or have at least exposed yourself to a wide range of novel sights and sounds near your home turf. I pray that you’ve escaped one shrunken niche, two narrow perspectives, and three low expectations. I’m also hoping that in these last 12 months, you have regularly sought out pleasant jolts and breathtaking vistas that have inspired you to see the big picture of your unfolding destiny. If you haven’t been doing these things with the eager abandon you should have, please take the next flight to the other side of the world. Eat unfamiliar food, meet people who are very different from you, listen to strange music, climb a mountain, and get your mind blown. CANCER (June 21-July 22): So how are you doing with your year-long resurrection project, Cancerian? Have you been taking care of the finishing touches these past few weeks? If not, do so soon. It’s high time for you to officially and definitively rise from the dead. Your wandering in the underworld is at an end. Your mourning for broken dreams should be complete. In January, the age of exploration will begin; make sure your reborn spunk is ready for action by then. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): I bet your relationship life will be a source of revolutionary teachings in 2010. Adventures in intimacy and partnership will draw you into some highly educational fun and games. You will be invited to dramatically expand your understanding of the nature of commitment. You will also be asked to dig deeper to discover your real desires, which up until now have been partially camouflaged by more superficial longings that were grafted onto you during the darker days of adolescence. How should you prepare for the interesting tests of the next 12 months? How can you get yourself in shape to earn the demanding gifts that will be within reach? Now is an excellent time to start thinking about those questions. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Whenever the tide goes out, the creek I live next to loses a lot of its water to the bay. It becomes a narrow trickle surrounded by stretches of mud. From a distance the mud looks like a wet black desert, but if you get up close you’ll see it’s covered with tiny furrows, pits, and bulges. This is evidence that many small creatures live there, although only the hungry ducks and egrets know exactly where to look to find them. Be like those birds, Virgo. As you survey your version of the mud flat, ignore anyone who tells you that it’s barren. Go searching for the rich pickings. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): It seems to me that in 2009 you’ve learned to love the fact that all the world’s a stage. You’ve found roles that have been fun to play, and you’ve expressed yourself with the nuanced zeal of a skilled actor in an elaborate theatrical production. I have very much enjoyed seeing you reveal the full range of your inner riches. If I were going to award Oscars to the astrological signs, you Libras would get the prize for “Best Performance of One’s True Self.” SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): “The nature of the work is to prepare for a good accident,” said filmmaker Sidney Lummet. He was talking about the craft of creating movies, but he could have also been advising you on how to make the most of the coming week. Your task, as I see it, is to set in order everything that can be set in order. Get very organized. Make sure you’re well-rehearsed. Be warmed up and highly alert. That way you’ll be ready to respond with graceful intensity when serendipitous opportunities arise within the framework you’ve put in place. Homework: Send me predictions for your life in 2010. Where are you headed? Go to FreeWillAstrology.com; click on “Email Rob.”

Across 1 Health services provider for seniors 9 Goa garments 14 Vaporize 15 Dog tag, e.g.: abbr. 16 OutKast album that rated #1 on Metacritic’s Top Albums of 2000 17 Island in the Mediterranean 18 It can get high every day 19 Spine-chilling 21 Yellowfin tuna variety 22 Denom. of South Carolina’s Allen University 23 His “Goblet of Fire” was Amazon.com’s #1 best-selling book of 2000 26 Language that gives us “schadenfreude” 28 Pissed-off looks 29 Confesses (to) 33 H, in a fraternity 34 With “The,” sitcom that made Time’s 10 Best TV Series of 2001 list 38 Bolivian president Morales 39 “Pig’s blood at the prom” movie 40 Be ready for 43 May-December difference, perhaps 47 Gamespy.com’s PC Game of the Year, 2001 51 Junkyard dog’s

warning 52 Former Texas Rangers pitcher Kameron 53 Swedish politician Olof assassinated in 1986 54 “Knowing” star Nicolas 55 Talk show ending in 2011 57 Compact that made Car & Driver’s Best Car of 2001 list 60 Rhone tributary 61 Complaint when the lights are out 62 Belly button that collects lint 63 Bases, chemically speaking Down 1 Personal period 2 Dodgy sort? 3 Comedian Cook 4 Tats 5 Fortune magazine subj., perhaps 6 “Up” actor Ed 7 More wintry 8 Sweetums 9 San ___, CA (Hearst Castle locale) 10 Palindromic Oklahoma city 11 Be sympathetic with 12 How sugar is sometimes served 13 Elevator alternative

16 Men-only 20 Numerical Internet addresses: abbr. 23 Kate Hudson’s mom Goldie 24 Years, to Nero 25 [snicker] 27 Angel in Mormon history 30 “Hey, wait a ___!” 31 “Kill Bill” star Thurman 32 Course goal 34 Belize’s capital 35 She sings “Don’t Cry for Me, Argentina” 36 Ending for demo or Dixie 37 “Ah, whatever” follower 40 House Speaker Nancy 41 Greek god with a lyre, to the French 42 Grp. once battled by Jesse Helms 44 Showed up on (the cover of) 45 Defends one’s side 46 Current Palm products 48 Like Santa’s helpers 49 Oil company that merged with BP 50 Played on TV Land 54 “___ fan tutte” 56 Folk rocker DiFranco 58 CSI sample 59 U.S. consumer protection agcy.

©2009 Jonesin’ Crosswords (editor@jonesincrosswords.com) For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle #0445.

95.3 Pulse News www.chattanoogapulse.com 12.10.09 The Pulse

Ask A Mexican

The Virgin of Guadalupe Edition By Gustavo Arellano

“Your point regarding similarities between wabs and rednecks, coupled with the disturbing popularity of anything Disney by too muchos adults in the United States, show that this is a small mundo after all.”

Ask the Mexican at themexican@ askamexican.net, myspace.com/ocwab, facebook.com/garellano, find him on, Twitter, or write: Gustavo Arellano, P.O. Box 1433, Anaheim, CA 92815-1433!

Dear Mexican, As a Chicano/Mexican, I have lost my faith in God. While they take pride in their country like everyone else, and like to make frequent jokes, Mexicans are generally very humble (poor) people. Isn’t God supposed to be on the side of the poor and humble? Why is it that Mexico always loses soccer matches to a generally rich and arrogant people (Americans) in fútbol who don’t even care about the sport, we start the swine flu epidemic that can be the next bubonic plague, and get natural disasters ALL THE TIME? This reminds me of the saying, “Poor Mexico—so far from God, so close to the United States!” Do you think Mexicans are coming up as God’s next “chosen people” and going to get it as bad as the Jews have over the centuries? — Still Believing in the Virgen de Guadalupe, but Not so Sure About the Big Papi Upstairs... Dear Wab, We are the Chosen Juans—have been for generations. After all, the Jews never got away with calling their boys Guadalupe and Salvador, and girls Jesusita—hell, the more orthodox of them don’t even have the huevos to say G-d! And there are more antiMexican slurs used by gabachos in the present day than there are against judios, necessary lumps God forces upon the meek—or did you already forget the Sermón on the Mount? But you really think we’re going to get it as bad as the heebs? Ever heard of the Holocaust? Pogroms? Henry Ford? The genocide of America’ indigenous was horrendous, as are

The Pulse 12.10.09 www.chattanoogapulse.com 95.3 Pulse News

modern-day deportations suffered by our undocumented, but Jews have been dealing with that crap since the days of Pharaoh, so they’re centuries ahead of us in the persecution game—and it’s not one we really want to win, you know? I am glad, however, that you compared Mexis to Jews and not Palestinians like most Chicano yaktivists do, since the Palestinians’ plight is its own demented chingadera that nosotros wouldn’t be able to comprehend even if the U.S. went on to steal Mexico up to San Luís Potosí. Dear Mexican, How did Looney Tunes characters enter the Mexican cultural pantheon along side la virgencita as an image to wear on your T-shirt, glued to your dashboard, and tattooed onto your skin? Don’t get me wrong—I was into cartoons when I was a kid, but it’s just weird to see grown men and women sporting cartoon characters on their jean jackets and bracero biceps. Is it that they just always have little kids running around, so that cartoons are the only thing on TV? Moreover, this is something Mexicans seem to share with certain sectors of the gabacho lower class. What explains this strange adult fascination with Looney Tunes? — Gabacho Loon Dear Gabacho, As I’ve written before, Mexicans love the Warner Bros. stable of caricaturas (custodians of Cervantes: I know this isn’t the exact translation of the Spanish word for animated cartoons, but this is the word mami y

papi used to describe them, so vayanse a la chingada) because they personify the Trickster, the universal archetype who uses mayhem and wits to wile his way through tough situations. But that doesn’t explain the almostas-popular use of Disney characters such as Winnie the Pooh, Goofy, and the various princesses among wabs. I would offer a Mexicanspecific response, but your final point regarding similarities between wabs and rednecks, coupled with the disturbing popularity of anything Disney by too muchos adults in the United States, show that this is a small mundo after all—sorry to offer such a Mickey Mouse response, readers, but when it comes to el ratón, the more you can disparage him, the better.