The Pulse - Vol. 7, Issue 3

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TRAFFIC CAMERAS • WHAT YEAR IS IT?

CNE

Turns The Corner

By Beverly A. Carroll

Plus: Independent Film, Heavy Metal, Little Dogs Laughing, Fighting Obesity FREE • News, Views, Arts & Entertainment • January 21, 2010 • Vol. 7 - Issue 3 • www.chattanoogapulse.com • pulse news 95.3 WPLZ

President Jim Brewer, II

2010

Publisher Zachary Cooper Contributing Editor Janis Hashe News Editor Gary Poole Calendar Editor Kathryn Dunn Advertising Manager Rhonda Rollins Advertising Sales Leslie Dotson, Rick Leavell Leif Sawyer, Townes Webb Art Director Kelly Lockhart Graphic Design Jennifer Grelier Staff Photographer Louis Lee Contributing Writers Gustavo Arellano, Rob Brezsny Beverly A. Carroll, Chuck Crowder Hellcat, Joshua Hurley Victoria Hurst, Matt Jones Phillip Johnston, Kelly Lockhart Tara Morris, Ernie Paik Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D. Stephanie Smith, Alex Teach Colleen Wade Editorial Cartoonist Rick Baldwin Copy Assistant Bryanna Burns Online Services Sharon Chambers Contact Info: Phone (423) 648-7857 Fax (423) 648-7860 info@chattanoogapulse.com Calendar Submissions calendar@chattanoogapulse.com Advertising advertising@chattanoogapulse.com The Pulse is published weekly and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publishers may take more than one copy per weekly issue. The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors.

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11 CNE TURNS THE CORNER

By Beverly A. Carroll A Chattanooga organization that started out as a leader in promoting the American dream of homeownership has recently been on a long and winding road. But that road is beginning to come full circle for the 23-year-old agency, taking it back to it’s roots.

The ride has been bumpy for CNW, founded in 1986.

feature stories 19 SPRING INDEPENDENT DAYS

By Janis Hashe Independent film fans, rejoice: the AEC has just announced the list of films for the Spring Film Series—and it rocks. And on top of that, the “tattered screens of the Bijou,” as our film critic Phillip Johnston called them, will be replaced by the fancy-schmancy ones of the brand new Majestic. If you saw the Golden Globes, you heard many of these films talked about.

20 THE LAST LAUGH IS HERS

By Helene Houses In many ways, Douglas Carter Beane’s acclaimed modern comedy of manners, The Little Dog Laughed, is essentially two plays: The first act is a rat-a-tat-tat wit-fest, with the one-liners a-flyin’ and high-octane monologues from the play’s center, Hollywood agent Diane.

1305 Carter Street Chattanooga, Tennessee 37402 Letters to the editor must include name, address and daytime phone number for verification. The Pulse reserves the right to edit letters for space and clarity. Please keep letters within 500 words in length.

The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on culture, the arts, entertainment and local news.

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JANUARY

24 IT’S NEVER TOO LATE

By Hellcat I have never liked heavy metal. Why? Well, because I just didn’t like the bands I had been exposed to, and I definitely had no interest in the people I knew to like metal. I don’t know exactly what it was that deterred me from the music other than the fact that I found the metal fans to be off-putting. In the same way, I don’t care for The Grateful Dead; I might if I listened to it, but I never did because the fans turned me off.

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LETTERS TO THE EDITOR PULSE BEATS BEYOND THE HEADLINES SHRINK RAP LIFE IN THE NOOG ON THE BEAT ASK A MEXICAN

everything else 4 5 7 7 7 21 25 26 28 28 29

EDITOON CITY COUNCILSCOPE THE LIST POLICE BLOTTER STREET SCENES A&E CALENDAR MUSIC CALENDAR NEW MUSIC REVIEWS SPIRITS WITHIN JONESIN’ CROSSWORD FREE WILL ASTROLOGY

Cover layout by Kelly Lockhart

Editoon

by Rick Baldwin

Letters to the Editor Where Are The Dems?

Will the Tennessee Democrats make the same mistake as they did in Virginia [“No Democrats In The Third District?”, Beyond The Headlines]? There the Democratic candidate for governor stated antiunion sentiments, campaigned against cap & trade, stated the public option wasn’t needed, supported Mountain Top Removal, and took a hard line on immigration. And he lost to a Republican who had issues with “modernity”. Progressives didn’t show up to vote because they didn’t have a candidate. Could this happen again in TN-03? When will the Tennessee Democratic Party stop running away from its base? If Harold Ford, the Wall Street insider, is their idea of a Democrat then the Tennessee Democratic Party is no home for Progressive Populists.

R.W. Young Beautiful Column It took me until today to read Chuck Crowder’s column about Susan [“Remembering Susan Berry Wood”, Life In The Noog]. I could barely get through it without gushing a thousand tears. Thank you for paying homage to a mutual friend of ours who was

an outstanding human being. She and I totally got into more trouble than anyone else I can remember in high school. In the words of Billy Joel, “Only the good die young.” Thank you, Chuck.

Christa Mannarino Big Brother Is Watching It is very sad this woman died at the hands of one irresponsible citizen [“Remembering Susan Berry Wood”, Life In The Noog]. That being said, there is no reason this one incident should incite the general public to further succumb to Chattanooga’s Big Brother is Watching You, traffic patrol system. Horrible things happen every single day all over the world.

More government policing is not the solution. You mention cheap taxis. I think a good solution is even cheaper taxis specifically for drunk people.

There are lots and lots and lots of drunk drivers or buzzed drivers in this town. They need a real and more affordable way to get home. Taxis are not really that affordable. It’s almost 15 dollars for a ride from St. Elmo to downtown. If you live on one of the mountains or ridges you can pay over 20 dollars each way. We need better public sober transportation for the

slew of drunk morons who gallivant around downtown every weekend.

Cliff Man Obesity & Earth Fare Earth Fare sponsored the Chattanooga Market last fall and I got to know the folks. They are all great people with honest goals of providing you with good, healthy food alternatives. If you’re a fan of the Chattanooga Market then you should be a customer of Earth Fare.

Paul Smith Chattanooga Market

Send all letters to the editor and questions to info@chattanoogapulse.com We reserve the right to edit letters for content and space. Please include your full name, city and contact information.

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Pulse Beats

Quote Of The Week: A rundown of the newsy, the notable, and the notorious...

“You go into a building, a huge school, and you know exactly where to go to find equipment. Any person off the street is not going to be able to identify exactly where equipment is.”

—Hamilton County School Superintendant Dr. Jim Scales, saying that recent school thefts are obviously an inside job.

Chattanooga Selected for Program to Fight Childhood Obesity The Chattanooga-Hamilton County Health Department/Step ONE program has been awarded a $360,000 grant from the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation (RWJF) to improve opportunities and access for physical activity and healthy eating in the East and South Side communities of Chattanooga. Based on a rigorous selection process that drew more than 500 proposals from across the country, Chattanooga, Tennessee is one of 41 sites selected for the RWJF Healthy Kids, Healthy Communities initiative.

The Grow Healthy Together Chattanooga (GHTC) partnership will focus the resources of lead agency Step ONE (Optimize with Nutrition and Exercise) and key allies in the effort to eliminate childhood obesity in the high-risk communities of East and South Chattanooga.

Nearly 30 percent of East and South Chattanooga’s 33,000 residents live in poverty. Seventy-one percent of the predominantly African American population is overweight or obese. Nearly 30 percent are physically inactive and only 21.9 percent consume five or more servings of fruits and vegetables daily.

Yet these communities also have a healthy grassroots infrastructure, including well-organized neighborhoods and community-based organizations ready to provide leadership to a collaborative effort to reduce childhood obesity.

“By identifying strategic efforts to target childhood obesity in Chattanooga, our partnership will provide children in our community with the essential

tools needed to stay healthy throughout their lives,” says John Bilderback, Step ONE Program Manager. “We are so pleased that the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation has recognized a need in our community and is committed to helping implement necessary changes to improve the lives of our children.”

“To reverse this epidemic, communities are going to have to rally around their kids and provide the opportunities they need to be healthy,” said Risa Lavizzo-Mourey, M.D., M.B.A., president and CEO of the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation. “Through this project, the Chattanooga-Hamilton County Health Department and its partners are doing what it takes to make sure children lead better lives.”

Healthy Kids, Healthy Communities is a $33 million national program and RWJF’s largest investment to date

in community-based solutions to childhood obesity. With nine Leading Sites chosen in late 2008, the program now spans 50 communities from Seattle to Puerto Rico. All are targeting improvements in local policies and their community environment—changes that research indicates could have the greatest impact on healthier eating, more active living and obesity prevention. Healthy Kids, Healthy Communities is a cornerstone of RWJF’s $500 million commitment to reverse the country’s childhood obesity epidemic by 2015.

All 41 cities were selected because of strong vision, partnership and a commitment to make lasting change in their communities. The new program grants will continue through June 2013. Visit www.healthykidshealthycommunities. org to learn more about these communities’ work and plans.

ACT-SO! Seeks Aspiring Artists, Business People and Scientists ACT-SO! (Afro-Academic Cultural Technological Scientific Olympics) will hold its initial orientation for its new competition at the Center for Creative Arts, 1301 Dallas Road, at 10 a.m. on January 30. This free competition is open to African American high school students interested in the arts, humanities, business and sciences as career choices. This year’s local gold medal winners will go to Kansas for the 2010 national competition.

In 2009, Chattanooga took four local gold medal winners to the national competition in New York City. This is Chattanooga’s seventh year of competing in the NAACP-sponsored event, now in its 33rd year.

Further information and applications can be found on Chattanooga Hamilton County NAACP’s web site, www.chattanooganaacp.org. Click on the ACT-SO link.

(423) 400-1040 or (423) 760-0961.

Here is one of the more interesting agenda items set to be discussed at the January 26 meeting of the Chattanooga City Council.

13. Recognition of Persons Wishing to Address the Council on Non-Agenda Matters.

The City of Chattanooga has long prided itself on being as open to the general public as possible. That is one of the main reasons the City Council meets on Tuesday evenings instead of during regular business hours, to allow regular citizens the opportunity to observe the legislative process and to take part in the meeting.

At the end of every council meeting, anyone who has an issue they feel needs to be brought to the attention of the council as a whole can have three minutes of time to speak before the body. Recent speakers have addressed concerns about unfair taxation, flooding problems, the use (and abuse) of city inspectors, problems with roads, and abuses of zoning regulations.

Better yet, councilmembers are well known to positively address issues brought before them, with a wide range of problems being solved or handled immediately after the meeting. If you have an issue with the city or a suggestion on how to improve city services, this is your chance to go directly to the top, so to speak.

The Chattanooga City Council meets each Tuesday at 6 p.m. in the City Council Building at 1000 Lindsay St. For more information on the agendas, visit www.Chattanooga.gov/City_ Council/110_Agenda.asp

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Beyond The Headlines

Palin’s Springboard to the White House?

By Stuart James

“If she intends to run in 2012, can Palin’s public life in the media educate her, giving her the political sense to win?”

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he Los Angeles Times noted: “When Sarah Palin abruptly stepped down as Alaska governor in July before the end of her first term, many questioned how she could maintain a national presence without the platform of elected office.

“That hasn’t proven a problem for the onetime Republican vice presidential nominee, who has kept herself at the center of political debate with a bestselling book... Now Palin has found another way to stay in the spotlight: by signing on as a contributor for the top-rated Fox News Channel.”

We are living in a political world where politicians use the news media to stay in the public eye. Mike Huckabee is on Fox News with his

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own program; Harold Ford, Jr., of Tennessee, had a short run on Fox as a consultant and now is appearing on MSNBC. Both Huckabee and Ford have further ambitions for elected office.

So can Sarah Palin pull off the impossible, using the highly rated Fox to launch a presidential bid? Can she use Fox to pull herself from the extreme right to the mainstream?

Presidential candidates must develop some personal wealth and stay relevant in the public’s eye. Palin’s appearance on Fox could enable her to do both—if she is successful in her role.

The Fox contract is a lucrative deal, allowing Palin to gain the financial independence to run while keeping her constantly before the public.

But there is also the issue of whether Palin intends to run. She is expected to make millions from her book, and even more money from Fox. Moreover, after quitting as governor of Alaska, can she win in 2012? Some pundits say that Palin does not want to govern, and likes the limelight—but not the responsibility.

If, on the other hand, she intends to run in 2012, can Palin’s public life in the media educate her, giving her the political sense to win? She meddled in a New York congressional race with bad results for her party—a Democrat won in a Republican district. Moreover, she was on a losing ticket for the White House. A lackluster performance on Fox may

seal Palin’s fate as a loser and political lightweight.

Most importantly, Palin has a history of getting it wrong. The Los Angeles Times summed it up: “Since exploding into public view as Sen. John McCain’s running mate in 2008, Palin has drawn a mixture of adoration and indignation for her provocative statements...during an interview on 60 Minutes...top McCain strategist Steve Schmidt said Palin also caused problems by frequently making incorrect public statements, such as claiming falsely that she was exonerated by an ethics investigation in Alaska. “’That opened the door to criticism that she was being untruthful and inaccurate,” Schmidt said. “And I think that is something that continues to this day.’”

Bill Shine of Fox News is ready to help Palin with the truth. Again according to the Los Angeles Times, Shine has this to say about Palin: “‘Along the way, we’ll talk to her and have conversations and I’m sure everything will be fine,’ he said, adding that the expectations that Palin will utter something controversial will likely drive viewership. ‘In the end, that’s probably going to help us in that that’s what people will want to watch.’”

It appears Fox wants the Palin controversy to drive up ratings, whether the controversy is based on truth or lies. The question for Sara Palin is: Will she be credible, and will a credible performance on Fox launch a presidential bid?

Her record does not indicate much likelihood of success on either front.

A weekly roundup of the newsworthy, notable and often head-scratching stories gleaned from police reports from the Chattanooga Police Department, the Hamilton County Sheriff’s Office, the Bradley County Sheriff’s Department and the Dalton Police Department.

• I-75 is often referred to as one of the nation’s main “drug highways” because of the amount of illegal drugs that are transported to the North. At least one major shipment, however, was stopped before getting to its planned destination, as Dalton officers made a traffic stop and seized approximately 50 pounds of marijuana and two ounces of methamphetamine. The combined street value of the seized drugs is estimated at approximately $100,000. Arrested were four men ranging in age from 22 to 29, all interestingly enough from Albertville, Alabama and Crossville, Alabama.

• While not as spectacular a bust as their Dalton peers, Bradley County officials made their contribution to disrupting the I-75 connection. A Bradley County deputy spotted a vehicle crossing back and forth over the center line on I-75 several times last week, always a good sign that something is amiss. When he pulled the driver over, he ended with a bigger catch: 15 pounds of marijuana. During the traffic stop, the deputy became suspicious and called for a drug dog. The dog gave a positive

alert on the vehicle, which led to the discovery of the drugs. The driver, from Tucker, Georgia, and his passenger, from Patriot, Ohio, were both arrested and charged with possession of marijuana for resale. The driver is also facing charges of failure to maintain lane and driving on a suspended license.

• One would think if you were on the run from the law in another state, staying low would be on the top of the list of personal priorities. Not so much for one 20-year-old woman who apparently did not understand the entire concept of “hiding”. The woman was arrested in Bradley County on a forgery warrant from New Mexico, and then to make matters worse, she managed to open a window of the deputy’s car and escape. She ran into a nearby barn, while still handcuffed, but fell when she tried climbing into a loft to hide and was quickly re-apprehended.

Once in custody, it was discovered that she is alleged to have pawned a stolen diamond ring and digital camera. In addition to the New Mexico charges, she now faces aggravated burglary, theft, escape and evading arrest charges.

• It’s a strange fact that criminals just can’t seem to resist bragging about their exploits, even to their own victims.

Chattanooga Street Scenes

Top Ten Best-Selling American Beers

Whether this is a matter of arrogance or lack of intelligence is something for the sociologists to debate. The general result is that it just makes it easier to arrest the bad guys. Case in point: A woman called police, telling them that her ex-boyfriend was bragging about knocking her windows out. With police listening in, she called her former beau back, where he once again bragged about shattering two windows on her house as well as the windshield and the rear window of her car. The man was quickly located by officers and taken into custody. Interestingly enough, so was the woman, as she was found to have outstanding warrants.

Photography by Louis Lee

Street art on Central Avenue near Bailey.

1. Bud Light. Surprised? In a nation obsessed with weight, it’s really not a shock to see a “diet” beer top the list.

2. Budweiser. The “King of Beers” helps make Anheuser-Busch the king of the U.S. cash register, holding down the top two spots.

3. Coors Light. The Silver Bullet hangs with the big boys through a combination of regional distribution and rather odd marketing.

4. Miller Lite. The once dominant American beer (“Tastes Great!

Less Filling!”) has slipped of late, as Anheuser-Busch has come to dominate the advertising beer wars, especially around Super Bowl season.

5. Natural Light. Another Anheuser-Busch product that takes the fifth spot largely due to its lower price and blue-collar appeal.

6. Busch. The one-time flagship brand of Anheuser-Busch still has a lot of fans, and is usually priced somewhere between the “premium” Budweiser and the “low-cost” Natural Light.

7. Busch Light. More than half of the top-selling beers are light beers, one of the main reasons why European beer drinkers look down upon Americans.

8. Miller Genuine Draft. MGD, as it is known to its fans, promised draught beer in a bottle without having to actually spell “draught” correctly. Another victory of marketing over spelling (see number 4 on the list).

9. Miller High Life. The “Champagne of Beers” has an odd history, being extremely popular in some regional areas while virtually unknown in others, and is one of the older beers in the list, 10. Michelob Light. A premium light beer, which almost sounds like an oxymoron, but still popular enough to make the top ten.

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Shrink Rap

By Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D

The Four Humors S

tarting at the time of Hippocrates, which is to say around 450 BC, until the early 19th century, the most commonly held view of human well being among physicians was referred to as “Humorism.” Not to be confused with “a sense of humor” (which we all know is important for wellness), humorism theory held that the human body was filled with four basic substances, called “the four humors,” which are in balance when a person is healthy. All diseases and disabilities resulted from an excess or deficit of one of these humors. The four humors were identified as black bile, yellow bile, phlegm, and blood.

The theory went something like this: A large quantity of blood made the patient cheerful, perhaps with too much energy (or anxiety). Too much phlegm made him or her phlegmatic, or cool and apathetic. An excess of black bile would make a person melancholic or depressive. Finally, too much yellow bile made for an easily angered temperament.

The four humors system became a thing of the past, of course, with more modern and accurate understandings of human physiology.

(For example, it is now known that there is no such thing as “black bile” secreted by the spleen). However, one of the lasting bits of wisdom we can extract from these early attempts at understanding physical and mental wellness is about balance.

Certainly when we feel angry, the anger outweighs any sense of calm or peace. When we’re depressed, our energy is low, sadness and lethargy is high. During periods of heightened anxiety, we can feel our engines revved too high, and that longed-for calmness and centeredness feels out of reach.

So we in modern times can relate to this concept of being in balance, or out of balance, in myriad ways. It’s in our nutrition: carbs vs. proteins, fruits and veggies vs. sweets and alcohol. It’s in our daily schedules: work vs. rest vs. playtime. In our relationships: time spent together vs. time apart. When I watch

Miss Betty Lou, my wonderpup, I see her spend plenty of relaxed time happily snoring in the sun, a moderate amount of time eating (with gusto!), and a fair amount of time running or fetching, or on high alert for those pesky squirrels and neighborhood cats that turn her into a home security system. And I start to believe that balance is probably the most natural thing in the world, if we allow it to be. We humans start messing with our life’s balance because we work too much, or drink too much, or eat too much, or yes, even play too much. I think when we’re in a state of “too much,” we are not in a state of “listening.”

Something is too much; other things are lacking. Our need for balance goes unmet.

It ain’t easy being human.

I remember when I first moved to Tennessee several years back, I spent an afternoon driving through the beautiful countryside. I had the top down, music up, and was blissing out on the fragrant autumn wind and scenery. On the side of the road I saw a sign that read, “Let Your Outside Show a Good Inside.”

And I thought: that’s a perfect way to express the connection between external and internal wellness, between mind and body balance.

We can all agree that exercise is a vital component to healthy living. So we spend time at the gym, or power-walking along the river, or biking up the mountains, in an effort to look good, feel good, kick the endorphins into high gear, burn up calories and stay healthy. Also, exercise helps us feel better about ourselves. Endorphins are nature’s attitude adjusters, and health-care professionals know that one way to help manage depression and other mood disorders is through regular activity.

However, we must also understand that our physical bodies are only part of the overall wellness picture. What about our emotional wellness—the landscape of our feelings? And our psychological wellness—our peace of mind and sense of satisfaction and happiness with life? This is the kind of internal health that can’t be shown in a tight-fitting shirt or weighed on the scale. When do we make time for understanding what makes us tick and why we behave the way we

do? Or why we feel what we feel…at home, at work, in a relationship, out of a relationship?

In short, where’s the balance?

Think about this: A person may be well, even though she lives with cancer. She understands and accepts herself as a whole person—mind, body and spirit—a healing work in progress. Another person may be outwardly fit and gorgeous, but inwardly miserable. If you’ve ever asked yourself, for instance, why you repeat the same unhealthy patterns in your relationships, or why you are quick to anger, or why you feel sad on your birthday…why you can’t get along with your co-workers, why you shut down around family, why you feel left out in a crowd—then you understand a bit of the angst I’m talking about.

So where’s the gym to help us on our journey toward a balance of inner peace, self-knowledge, and spiritual enlightenment?

It takes time and commitment to find this balance. It lies in the journey of finding the right way for you. The right therapist, the right job, the right house of worship, friends, hobbies and interests. I tell folks that the next five years are going to go by anyway. Why not spend that time finding the balance that helps you feel better about yourself? Learn to have healthier relationships. Explore ways to relieve your anxiety/depression/ addiction. Set your intentions for a healthier mind and body. I believe that you owe it to yourself to explore the balance in your life that will work best for you. What—you have something better to do?

When the next warm, sunny day comes around, think about going for a long drive in the country. You may see a sign that speaks to you, too.

P.S. Please consider joining me on Saturday, January 30, from 2 – 6 p.m., for the opening of my wellness center, “Well Nest.” There will be a variety of wellness services to learn about, plus live music, beautiful local art, and complimentary mini-massages. Call or write for more info. (423) 326-7099. www.

WellNestChattanooga.com Until next time: “Where do we come from? What are we?

Where are we going?” — From an inscription on a Gauguin painting.

“On the side of the road I saw a sign that read, ‘Let Your Outside Show a Good Inside.’

And I thought: that’s a perfect way to express the connection between external and internal wellness, between mind and body balance.’’

Dr. Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist, minister, and educator, in private practice in Chattanooga, and is the author of “Empowering the Tribe” and “The Power of a Partner.” Contact him online at www.drrph.com

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Cover Story

By Beverly A. Carroll

“The blowback from the Brainerd apartments topped off two years of negative publicity and sparked CNE’s board of directors to order an audit of the agency.”

CNE Turns the Corner was recognized for its revitalization work in Jefferson Heights. The high-end Chattanooga organization that housing development in the Southside started out as a leader in promoting the has contributed more than $12 million in American dream of homeownership has direct investment in the community and has recently been on a long and winding road.

But that road is beginning to come full circle increased yearly property tax revenues on for the 23-year-old agency, taking it back to the four-acre track from $1,494 in 2002 to more than $165,000 in recent years, CNE it’s roots. records show.

The ride has been bumpy for But that brilliant success is in stark Chattanooga Neighborhood Enterprise, founded in 1986 by a group of local leaders, contrast to the $2.4 million Park Terrace Apartments fiasco just three years ago. After including U.S. Sen. Bob Corker, R-Tenn., defaulting on the debt, CNE boarded up the and Chattanooga Mayor Ron Littlefield, two apartment buildings in 2006, leaving among others.

Last month the agency, once considered a them to become shelter for squatters, a national role model for its work in enabling haven for prostitutes and a refuge for criminals and drug users. The blowback poor people to become homeowners,

A

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Cover Story from the Brainerd apartments topped off two years of negative publicity and sparked CNE’s board of directors to order an audit of the agency. Combined with focus groups composed of CNE’s local partners and stakeholders including homeowners, mortgage bankers, developers, private and public agencies, the audit turned up serious problems, according to CNE executives.

“There were some serious customer service shortcomings,” said David Johnson, who was named president and CEO in November 2008.

“It appeared that CNE was not as successful with property management and development as it was in supporting homeownership.”

The audit process paved the way for substantial changes, including cutting the staff from 56 to 19 not quite two years before Johnson joined the agency. Chattanooga cut the agency’s funding from $2 million in 200506 to $1.1 million in 2007-08 at the same time federal funding dropped from $2.6 million to $1.4 million, CNE records show. The cuts gave CNE the push it needed to return to its original mission of lending funds for home buying and repairs, renovating existing homes and providing education, executives said.

“I applaud the board for the steps it has taken,” Johnson, a founding member of a similar organization in Columbus, Ga., said. “I knew CNE was past its worst problems. The board had already admitted that it needed new leadership and to change direction.”

CNE critics say the organization began to go astray when it started buying and developing property, either for sale or rent. The staff was bloated, there was little oversight and it lacked expertise in rental and property management, critics and former board members said.

In CNE’s defense, they dared go where no private developer was willing to go—at least in the beginning—on their own dime, supporters such as Larry Means said. Means, a former board member and longtime resident of Jefferson Heights, said that without CNE’s intervention, revitalization in the Southside would have lagged, or maybe never gotten off the ground.

housing in the Cowart Street area, one of the first higher-end developments to get underway on the Southside. Because CNE had federal and local dollars and private funding from agencies like the Lyndhurst Foundation and the Benwood Foundation, locally based civic-oriented foundations, it was exposed to less risk, private builders and architects said. Cowart Place, a group of Arts and Crafts bungalows, apartments and condos, going for $100,000 and up in the early 1990s in a high crime, run-down area, was a hard sell when it first started.

CNE’s foray into market-rate housing, while beneficial on the one hand, also contributed to gentrification. Marion Pound, a Jefferson Heights residents for nearly six years, said the high prices of homes in her neighborhood have all but eliminated the diversity she was looking for when she chose the neighborhood. There are fewer low-income people living there now than when she first moved in and she believes they are being priced out of the area.

Means, a member of the Southside Historic District Neighborhood Association, said there are homes in the neighborhood that sold for around $60,000 five years ago and are now surrounded by houses selling for $200,000 and up.

More evidence that CNE was not prepared to manage rental property is offered by the agency’s attempts to provide affordable units in Jefferson Heights. During the mid-1990s, CNE renovated several rental properties for tenants with Section 8 vouchers, federally funded vouchers that supplement tenants’ rent payments. According to Rayburn Traughber, former CNE chief operating officer and president, the cost of keeping up the buildings outran the profits. Between 2005 and 2006, CNE lost $1.2 million on its rental portfolio, Traughber said.

Part of the collateral damage from CNE’s venture into rental management is that the agency caused affordable units to be lost from the market. The financial losses CNE suffered forced the agency to sell rental units to private owners, who immediately raised rents to market values, forcing low-income residents from their neighborhoods. Traughber said CNE sold duplexes or tore them down to sell the

“Part of the agency’s renewed mission is a focus on helping people avoid bankruptcy.”

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“I think overall, they did a real good job from the standpoint of trying to build affordable homes and working in the inner city where private developers didn’t want to be involved,” Means said.

“They were willing to step up and take a chance to try to redevelop houses and neighborhoods. They were able to entice private developers to follow their lead.”

What Means saw as an asset was what some private builders saw as unfair competition, at least initially. Many local builders and architects griped privately about CNE developing market-rate

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Cover Story

lots.

Johnson predicts a return to the halcyon days, when CNE was a model for helping low-income people onto the path of the kind of stability and wealth that homeownership can bring. The former banker recalls when he was starting his second career in community development work 10 years ago and was sharing with colleagues that he wanted to start a non-profit for potential homeowners. “(A colleague) said if I was interested in something like that I should go to Chattanooga,” Johnson said. “That was in 2000. I came to Chattanooga and spent the day with CNE. It was the largest neighborhood works organization in the country and people were flocking from all over to see the work.”

Johnson is a faculty member of NeighborWorks Training Institute, the nation’s premier community training organization. He said that since he has joined CNE, nearly 70 percent of the staff has attended some type of training.

Mayor Littlefield said he is pleased with CNE’s refocus of returning to its core goals of making it possible for low-income people to have access to safe and livable housing. He believes CNE may have strayed from its original goals while trying to cope with the drastically changing homebuying market.

“It was not easy to become a homeowner at the time CNE was started,” Littlefield said. “Interest

rates were in double digits and credit requirements were much stiffer.

Economic times changed and it’s easier for people to buy houses.”

CNE “kind of wandered off into areas they were never meant to be in,” such as management of rental housing, Littlefield said. They had a bloated staff, too, he said.

Part of the agency’s renewed mission is a focus on helping people avoid bankruptcy, CNE officials concurred.

Increased homeownership is part of CNE’s two major thrusts, Johnson said. He hopes to have a pipeline of 300 households working toward homeownership. Education is a key portion of the goal.

The second portion is working with homeowners to improve existing homes. CNE has a loan program based on income for home repairs and renovations.

With an operating budget of $14.9 million, CNE manages five major developments for low-income residents; it has helped 66 families to buy homes, rehabilitated or repaired 38 rental or owner-occupied unites and provided pre- and post-purchase housing counseling for 165 families in fiscal year 2008. The agency’s total direct investment in the community was $8.6 million for the same period.

Signposts say the road has turned back to its original destination.

CNE hotline number: for help with home foreclosure, in Chattanooga call (423) 664-HOME (4663).

95.3 Pulse News www.chattanoogapulse.com 1.21.10 The Pulse

13

Life In The Noog

By Chuck Crowder

What Year Is It Again?

W

ith the ringing in of the New Year came several annual frustrations. First, there’s the inkladen over-correction on all of the ’09’s that you’ve mistakenly entered on every document where a full date is required. Then there’s the getting used to people adding the phrase “back in” to every anecdote that relates to 2009. And then you have to get new calendars and close year-end records and make new goals and start diets and so on.

But in addition to the normal year-starting conundrums, this year poses a new problem—the turn of the flat “10”—which makes it difficult to determine an intuitive generality for referencing the next 12 months. No more can we hide behind the nicety of normal multisyllable numbers such as ’76 or ’99 or rely on the crutch of the prefix “0” (pron: “Oh”) when recalling any one of the last nine years. Nope, we’ve got a new problem—and it’s called the “pre-teens.”

You see, 2010, 2011 and 2012 won’t be as easy to refer to in the dual-digit format. Ten, eleven and twelve don’t roll off of the tongue as easily as the “teens” or higher.

Twenty might prove to pose a similar problem, but we’ll be fine again by ’21.

Consider this. When we say we’ll be somewhere or do something “in 10” (or 20), we mean minutes—like the sign on the shop door when the

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cashier is in the john. And, simply blurting out “11” or “12” without some sort of readily-apparent, specific context might just get you a visit from the men in white coats.

Think about it. You’re sitting there and someone says “man, 11 was awesome” or “things are looking up for 12.” You’d think they were bonkers. But 13, well, 13 means something very different.

Thirteen definitely references a YEAR (and hopefully not an unlucky one).

I have no idea how we handled this issue way back ten years after the “turn of the century.” I don’t mean this past turn of the century— 1999/2000—because that’s not what anyone means when they use the phrase “turn of the century.”

They mean 1899 to 1900. Probably because that’s when all of the “turnof-the-century antiques” were originally produced.

And we’ll never be able to change the minds of those Antique Roadshowers. They’re a little old-fashioned anyway (no pun intended). Besides, we were so worried about the end of the world during this past turn of the century that the subject never came up, and the re-reference never caught on.

Just slipped right through the cracks I guess.

Anyway, it’s nearly impossible to Google “What did we call 1910 back in 1910? Was it 1910 or just 10?” Nothing pops up. And sadly no one is around to ask—unless their 100th birthday is a distant memory. I can just imagine what

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some old crotchety salt would spout off if you had the nerve to ask. “We called it the ‘gilded age’ you idiot— now where’s my cake?”

Up to now, referencing the last nine years has been easy. We just said “0-whatever.” Like “0-7, 0-8, 0-9.” Very different from “’99” or “2000,” and it sounds really cool when you say it. In fact, there’s some kind of hip, futuristic thing going on there.

That said, instinct now has me wanting to refer to this year using the opposite of the “0-something” naming convention. So instead of “0-9” like last year, this year would be “1-0.” But that concept has its limitations. Next year couldn’t be “1-1” because everyone in corporate America knows that “1-1” always refers to January 1st of the next year. “We need those TPS reports by 1-1” someone might say for example. And “1-2”? That’s what you say (for some strange reason) when you are testing the working order of a hot microphone—“check, 1-2. check, check, 1-2, 1-2.”

So now what? Well, fortunately there’s an out. We don’t have to refer to this year as anything but “this year” until next year. Then we can say “last year” for the next 12 months. And then, in 2012, we can say “two years ago.” And so on.

Fact is, we may never have to refer to this year by number ever again, which would suit me just fine.

But if you come up with anything please let us know. I’m sure that we won’t be able to dance around the issue forever.

“We’ll never be able to change the minds of those Antique Roadshowers.

They’re a little old-fashioned anyway (no pun intended).”

Chuck Crowder is a local writer and general man about town. His opinions are just that. Everything expressed is loosely based on fact, and crap he hears people talking about. Take what you just read with a grain of salt, but pepper it in your thoughts. And be sure to check out his popular website www.thenoog.com

2010 Health & Wellness Guide

Workouts for the Resolutely Unfit

by Tara Morris

With days left until the end of January 2010, could it be possible that you, many others, and I have already broken our New Year’s resolution to start losing that weight? I’m afraid so.

If your 2009 was anything like mine, then you are seeing its effects in your closet. Those once perfect jeans are a “bit” tighter, that cute pudge may have turned to a full-on muffin top, and those newly “tagged” Facebook photos make you cringe because the person taking your photo believes that double chin is supposed to be there, but you know better.

If you live in America, you are more then aware that losing weight is a top priority come January 1. Although the failure rate for keeping this resolution is high, it’s worth noting that those who make resolutions are more then likely to change their lifestyles then those who do not.

After talking with different fitness professionals around town, each with a very different style, I found they all agreed on the same basic rules for beginners: 1. Stick to what you love.

2. Create a support system.

3. Be realistic.

Doing what you love seems easy enough.

You might love to eat, love to drink, and secretly love chick flicks—but you might not love working out. The idea of walking into a facility full of hard bodies and watching your elders run miles over you can be daunting. If the intimidation and price tag of some gyms is not a true love of yours, there are other options.

We are very fortunate in the Chattanooga Valley to have places such as the River Walk, Raccoon Mountain, endless parks and even our own Tennessee River, all within a short

distance. You have more resources then ever to make that favorite activity, such as bike riding, walking, running, and canoeing, not only an exercise but a pleasure. Events Coordinator Ruth Thompson of Outdoor Chattanooga put it well when she suggested, “Get out of the box.” In a world of constant exposure to the office, television, and computers, remember the world is round.

There may not be a way to make bird watching sexy, but simple loves and interests make for simple beginnings towards fitness.

Creating a support system is sometimes easier said then done. Your support system must be personalized and chosen with care.

For some it is your spouse. Personally, I love my fiancé and would like to keep it that way, so for me this is not the best idea. Others look to friends, co-workers, and even family. These are all great suggestions, but with the rate of failure in keeping resolutions, don’t be hurt or take it personally if they, too, fall off the wagon.

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When looking for someone to seriously keep you accountable in weight loss, personal trainers and organized classes can be the safest routes. AFAAcertified personal trainer and group fitness instructor Tammy Nichols of Sports Barn Downtown believes that when you compare the cost of a trainer or specialized classes to eating out, it truly begins to be about what is more important. With consistent guidance from a trained staff, you take out the guesswork. You are able to concentrate on individualized training for your specific needs. In addition, the networking and relationships you are able to achieve through these systems could last a lifetime.

Being realistic involves more then your body-mass index. So many times, whether beginner or not, we set goals that honestly are just for entertainment purposes. Resolutions become the invisible line between reality and fantasy. Our goals seem magical—but changes such as losing 30 pounds, eliminating soda and red meat, or even quitting smoking take discipline, will power, and facing some demons you may not be ready for.

You might find that you weigh more then you thought, or feel like your day has been miserable because you didn’t have that Mellow Yellow before work—but habits are formed over time, and not giving up is the most important decision you can make. Just as it is never to late to say you are sorry, it is never to late to change your life. Maybe January 1 wasn’t the right time. You still have February 1 to work on—and so do I. Stick to what you love, create that support system, and keep it real. The easiest step you will make is to walk out the front door.

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2010 Health & Wellness Guide

Diet Is a Four-Letter Word

by Janis Hashe

“Until they change their eating habits, many people do not know just how bad they are feeling every day,” says Patricia Partain, MS, RD, LDN, and coordinator, community outreach program for Memorial Health Care System.

As a dietician, Partain has seen what happens when people don’t understand the importance of nutrition. “It’s like they are ‘drugged up’ with salt, sugar and fat,” she says.

And yet, she’s well aware that many people feel that changing their daily diet means “giving up” everything they like—and that deprivation does not work.

“Food is so much a part of our emotional makeup,” she notes.

“And in this country, many activities are centered around food.” We eat for holidays, for celebrations, at sporting events—and many of the foods available at these times are not the best nutritional choices.

However, one of the first things most dieticians tell patients trying to change their eating habits is that “giving everything up”—particularly all at once—is not the answer. “It may have taken 10 years or more to put on the weight,” Partain says.

“You will not take it off right away—at least not in a healthy way.” She points out that while fad diets, supported by best-selling books, are “exciting”, and make it seem that quick weight loss is possible, the majority of people who go on these diets regain the weight—and more—after going off them.

“It’s much more a matter of re-educating your palate to prefer certain foods,” she says. “By taking small steps, such as just cutting back a little on salt or sugar, or switching to two percent milk instead of

whole milk, you begin the re-education process.” After a while, what once seemed properly salted seems way too salty, and greasy foods, instead of being irresistible, actually lose their appeal. Also, people can continue to enjoy foods they’ve always loved—in smaller portions and less frequently.

Good nutrition is not just a weight-loss issue. Most of us have seen the healthfood store employee who looks half-dead, or the slim, but actually undernourished, person who exists on fast food and coffee.

Partain suggests that virtually everyone could benefit from studying the revised Food Pyramid, available at www.mypyramid.gov.

“If you take a look at this and slowly begin adding in the foods that you are not eating,” she says, “that’s a great step in the right direction.”

For example, if you have never liked fruits and vegetables, attaining the “Five A Day” goal might seem completely unrealistic. But

first—look at the recommended portion size: a half cup. This means that eating one small banana with breakfast or lunch will fulfill one of the suggested portions. Start with that.

Experiment with items you have never tried and see if, while you still hate broccoli, you might like romaine lettuce, with its higher nutritional value than iceberg.

“We have found it takes 30 small changes of behavior to begin to make the bigger change,” Partain says. “And just as with any behavior changes, you will backslide a little.” Don’t beat yourself up about that, she advises. Just make the next day a new choice.

Learning, or re-learning, simple cooking skills is also a great aid in attaining better nutrition, since you can control the amounts and kinds of ingredients used. “I just don’t have time,” many will say. Partain tells the story of one patient, working fulltime, going to school and caring for an aging parent, who really did not seem to have the time to cook.

“So in the beginning, we worked around convenience foods, helping her to make the best choices,” she says. Eventually, the patient did find the time to cook a little more, and her nutrition improved even further.

Partain adds that although many people are willing to spend large amounts of money on a haircut, or on tickets to a sporting event, they aren’t willing to spend the same amount on a couple of sessions with a dietician—which could change their lives. “What you choose to eat is learned behavior,” she says. “You can also learn to make better choices, and lead a healthier life.”

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2010 Health & Wellness Guide

Chattanooga’s Endorphin Highs The American Heritage Medical Dictionary defines endorphins as “any group of peptide hormones that bind to opiate receptors”.

These actions mainly take place in the brain and reduce the sensation of pain and affect emotions. Some turn to cage fighting, casual “dating” and tattoos to produce these effects—but for those in the Chattanooga area looking for a healthy approach, there are many options to cultivate your body’s natural drug.

With the elements of air, water, and land surrounding us comes an amazing range of endorphininducing activities. Taking it to the next level, whether in your favorite sport, or adventuring into unknown territory, can be done with ease.

When first thinking of more extreme sports in the area, skydiving tops the list. Seasoned and beginner air junkies alike will be glad to know there are companies close by to help you with this thrill. The Adventure Sky Diving Center in Cedartown, GA is open year-round, and only an hour away from downtown Chattanooga. With ADAcertification you can feel safe while increasing your altitude and skill in jumping.

For some, free-falling from 4,000 feet for 40 seconds may be a rush—but over too quickly. Hang gliding is the answer. Located 25 minutes from downtown, Lookout Mountain Flight Park is the largest and number-one flight school in the country. With a staff that has a combined experience of more than 140 years, there’s no more ideal outlet to learn how to handle the six G’s of force that modern hang gliders are certified to carry—more than most airplanes.

Water sports have a long history in Chattanooga. From the Ocoee, Hiawassee, Tellico, and the Natahala rivers, we are drowned in perfect areas to take kayaking, canoeing rowing and whitewater rafting to the next stage. For more hardcore water enthusiasts, Phil Grimes and Ruth Thompson of Outdoor Chattanooga suggested getting in touch with organizations such as Walden’s Ridge Whitewater, and exploring areas such as Rock Island State Park, the Upper Tellico River and even Little River Canyon in Alabama, to name a few. There are also more than 20 companies at

Ocoee to help guide you into the world of whitewater. TVA.org can provide you with the water levels of these areas at all times, so do your research before gearing up.

Endorphin highs relating to water don’t necessarily take place in a floating device. When water levels aren’t high enough for class 3 rapids, the Tellico River is nationally recognized as a premiere trout stream and the Hiawassee is said to be quite possibly the best dry fly river in the eastern U.S. Our own ChooChoo Fly and Tackle on Cherokee Blvd. is a great place to start out and get more information.

The exhilaration of making that big catch just might be the high you need—and the number of women in this sport has increased dramatically.

Life on land is also filled with endorphin-promoting possibilities.

Organizations such as Run in the Boonies and SORBA-Chattanooga concentrate on the art of trail running and mountain biking.

Raccoon Mountain is one of the best-kept secrets when it comes to these challenges. The Chattanooga Track Club is also a great place for competitive runners to achieve a high status of fitness. And with programs such as Team in Training, our local organizations encourage one another to, as Tammy Nichols of Sports Barn downtown puts it, “Take on that hill.” The South East Climbers Coalition provides a network of area rock climbers and with stores such as Urban Rocks and TN Boulder, you can truly get the inside scoop. Climbers come from all over to tackle areas as technical as the Tennessee Wall and Sunset Rock.

Yoga is also a great and popular way to create endorphins by bringing the body to ease through physical awareness. Sue Reynolds at ClearSpring Yoga notes that with any activity, “As long as you allow your body to open, not force it, you can expand strength and flexibility.”

It is important to point out that all extreme sports they should be undertaken only after proper training and with adequate equipment. While being a risktaker has its advantages whether in the air, on the water, or land— remember that the easiest way to feel those endorphins is to laugh.

Constructing Your Life At Asala Center

Perhaps you’ve never heard the phrase “constructive living.”

Even if you have, it’s likely you’re not aware that a new facility in Chattanooga, the Asala Center, is offering instruction in this “educational model,” as cofounder Lauryn Peterson describes it.

“Constructive living comes from two Japanese therapies, Morita and Naikan,” she explains.

“It’s designed to offer people very simple, pragmatic tools to address the goals in your life.

It’s based on very common sense-type principles combined with mindfulness practice and meditation techniques.”

Lauryn’s mother, Diana, her partner in the Asala Center was certified in constructive living in 1988, after meeting its creator, Dr. David Reynolds. “Dr. Reynolds realized that there were many things in these Japanese therapies that could help Westerners,” she

The Pulse 2010 Health & Wellness Supplement

says. “It can also be an alternative to traditional therapy for those who cannot afford it.”

Lauryn was certified in constructive living in 2004, and she and her mother offer one-on-one instruction (which, she says, can be accessed by phone and e-mail as well), and plan to offer both groups in the technique, as well as workshops.

“With constructive living, you get homework,” Lauryn says, “so sometimes group work can be very helpful.”

The Asala Center also offers private and semiprivate instruction in yoga and tribal fusion belly dance, and Lauryn offers private resume development as well. “I think of that part of it as ‘financial wellness,’” she says.

The Asala Center is located inside Another Way, 1502 Bailey Avenue. (423) 653-4478 and online at www.asalacenter.com

Film Feature

Spring Independent Days

By Janis Hashe

“If you saw the Golden Globes, you heard many of these films talked about.

Beginning January 29, a new film will open each Friday.”

I

ndependent film fans, rejoice: the AEC has just announced the list of films for the Spring Film Series—and it rocks. And on top of that, the “tattered screens of the Bijou,” as our film critic Phillip Johnston called them, will be replaced by the fancyschmancy ones of the brand new Majestic.

If you saw the Golden Globes, you heard many of these films talked about.

Beginning January 29, a new film will open each Friday. Purchase a 2010 Film Club Card for $15 to support the series and receive discounts on movie tickets, dining and retail shops. Visit the Arts & Education Council at www.artsedcouncil. org.

The series includes: Me and Orson Welles January 29 - February 4 Based in real theatrical history, Me and Orson Welles is a romantic coming-ofage story about a teenage actor who lucks into a role in Julius Caesar as it‘s being re-imagined by a brilliant, impetuous young director named Orson Welles at his newly founded Mercury Theatre in NYC, 1937.

An Education February 5 - 11 Jenny is a top student who has hopes of attending university at Oxford in the early 1960s, but she meets a charismatic older man (Peter Sarsgaard) who offers

an exciting alternative of seeing and experiencing life.

The film won the Audience Award at Sundance in 2009.

A Single Man February 12 - 18 Set in Los Angeles in 1962, at the height of the Cuban missile crisis, this film tells the story of George Falconer, a 52-year-old British college profesor (Colin Firth) who is struggling to find meaning in his life after the death of his long time partner, Jim (Matthew Goode).

Broken Embraces February 19 - 25 Mateo Blanco writes, lives and loves in the darkness.

Fourteen years before, he was in a brutal car crash in which he lost not only his sight, but also Lena, the love of his life.

After the accident, Mateo reduces himself to his literary pseudonym, Harry Caine, and erases any trace of his former identity, until one night when the story of Mateo and Lena comes alive again.

The Last Station February 26 - March 4 For almost 50 years, the Countess Sofya (Helen Mirren) has served as Leo Tolstoy‘s (Christopher Plummer) devoted wife, passionate lover, muse and secretary. She has born him 13 children and copied out War and Peace six times...by hand! But she suddenly finds her entire world turned upside down when, in the name of his newly created religion, the great Russian novelist has renounced his noble title, his property and even his family in favor of a life devoid of material things.

That Evening Sun March 5 - 11 Abner Meecham (Hal Holbrook), an aging Tennessee farmer discarded to a nursing facility by his lawyer son, flees the old folks‘ home and catches a ride back to his country farm to live out his days in peace. Upon his return, he discovers that his son has leased the farm to Abner‘s old enemy and his white trash family. Nominated for two Independent Spirit Awards, this movie was filmed in Knoxville.

Police, Adjective March 12 - 18 One of the most critically-accalaimed films of the year and a double prizewinner at Cannes, this is the new whipsmart, dryly funny comedy from Cornelu Poromboiu. The film was Romania‘s offical entry to the 2009 Academy

Awards. Cristi (Dragos Bucur) is a young undercover cop who undergoes a crisis of conscience when he is pressured to arrest a teenager who offers hash to classmates.

A Town Called Panic March 19 - 25 Audience Award Winner at Fantastic Fest 2009 and the first stop-motion animated feature selected to Cannes, A Town Called Panic follows the wacky, hilarious and often surreal adventures of three plastic toys named Cowboy, Indian and Horse who share a rambling house in a rural town which never fails to attract the weirdest events.

Fish Tank March 26 - April 1 The most honored British film of the year, this film is an emotionally stunning coming-of-age story, electrified by the breakthrough performance of its young star Katie Jarvis. Fifteen-year-old Mia (Katie Jarvis) is in a constant state of war with her family and the world around her, without any creative outlet for her considerable energies save a secret love of hip-hop dance.

A Prophet April 2 - 8 Condemned to six years in prison, Malik El Djebena cannot read or write.

Arriving at the jail entirely alone, he appears younger and more fragile than the other convicts. Cornered by the leader of the Corsican gang who rules the prison, he is given a number of missions to carry out, toughening him up and gaining the gang leader’s confidence in the process. But Malik is brave and a fast learner, daring to secretly develop his own plans.

The Art of the Steal April 9 - 15 The Art of the Steal plays like a thrilling whodunit as it seeks to solve what happened to the world-renowned Barnes art collection, valued in the billions.

This story is full of twists, turns and double-crosses. Along the way, multiple questions are raised: How is art best served? Should it be reserved for true connoisseurs or made available to the most eyeballs possible? And who decides?

The White Ribbon April 16 - 22 A village in Protestant northern Germany on the eve of World War I. The story of the children and teenagers of a choir run by the village schoolteacher, and their families: the baron, the steward, the pastor, the doctor, the midwife, the tenant farmers. Strange accidents occur and gradually take on the character of a punishment ritual. Who is behind it all? Golden Globe winner for Best Foreign Film.

95.3 Pulse News www.chattanoogapulse.com 1.21.10 The Pulse

19

Arts & Entertainment

The Last Laugh Is Hers

By Helene Houses

“She’s completely willing to pose as Mitchell’s older-woman love interest, knowing that no one inside the Hollywood scene will buy this for an instant.”

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I

n many ways, Douglas Carter Beane’s acclaimed modern comedy of manners, The Little Dog Laughed, is essentially two plays: The first act is a rat-atat-tat wit-fest, with the oneliners a-flyin’ and high-octane monologues from the play’s center, Hollywood agent Diane.

This act, in the current production on the Chattanooga Theatre Centre’s Circle Stage, succeeds brilliantly, a potent combination of expert direction from Magge Cabrera-Hudgins and outstanding performances from the four-person cast, most particularly Wendy Tippens as Diane and Hunter Rodgers as her self-absorbed, moviestar-with-a-heart-of-tinsel client, Mitchell.

By any standard, “Little Dog” is an insider’s comedy, with its jokes about the relative worth of screenwriters in Hollywood (zero), and the Byzantine intricacies of a film contract; Diane’s verbal aria on this is a small masterpiece. So it might seem that only those on the two Coasts would “get it”—yet on opening night, the Circle’s audience was mostly in full appreciation of the dish.

“Little Dog” tells the story of

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Mitchell, minor movie star hoping to move up the food chain, and his encounter with Alex, a male hustler with whom he falls as much in love as his shallow soul is capable of. Alex, meantime, has been maintaining a relationship with Ellen, a party girl gal pal doing her own hustling with older men…and then there’s Diane, a redheaded barracuda in heels, who is the most clearsighted, and in some ways, the most honest, of them all.

She’s completely willing to pose as Mitchell’s older-woman love interest, knowing that no one inside the Hollywood scene will buy this for an instant, but swoops like a harpy onto Mitchell when he proclaims he will be seen about town with Alex and damn the consequences. She knows only too well what her client really wants, and what is he willing to do to get it.

There’s an odd and, as she might say, “almost genuine” affection for Mitchell in Diane’s manipulations.

Yes, she’s out for herself, and plays the game with gusto, but as someone who has seen it all, she’s not going to let him flame out (excuse the pun) for a love that yells out its name for nothing.

Wendy Tippens is obviously having a blast playing Diane and well she should—she tears it up.

This part requires both commitment

and technique from the actress and Tippens delivers.

Her real-life son, Cody Keown, plays Alex, and he’s got some wonderful moments, particularly in the first couple of scenes with Mitchell in which he reveals—or doesn’t—some of Alex’s real story.

However, Alex is not particularly well served by playwright Beane… more on this a little later.

Jennelle Gilreath uncovers the emotional neediness behind the atfirst brittle Ellen, who refers to her mother as “Screech” in yet another hilarious first-act monologue.

But it’s Hunter Rodgers as Mitchell who takes the honors here.

You don’t need to be an ex-Angeleno to recognize his type…vacillating, charming, weak—yet suddenly stony when the all-important “career” is at stake. Rodgers gives us the full monty on this character, and leaves a taste in your mouth of overpriced champagne.

Other kudos: The versatile set, by Scott Dunlap, allows the play to keep moving without blackouts or pauses, always a plus. The uncredited music design is rather fabulous.

Where “Little Dog” becomes problematic for me is in the second act, when Beane brings it down from the comic peaks and tries to show there is some there there with at least three of the characters (Diane remains supremely above having any “there” and thus also remains the most successful of his creations.) I just did not buy this adjustment, and was not, to tell the truth, terribly interested in their, to me, manufactured angst. Alex in particular is sent on a journey, both figurative and literal, that just does not resonate, though Keown gamely invests himself in it.

Nonetheless, I highly recommend “Little Dog,” and as ever, commend the CTC for their commitment to bringing topical, on-the-edge theater to our community. If you support this kind of work, hie thee to the Circle for one of the four remaining shows.

The Little Dog Laughed 8 p.m.

January 22, 23, 29, 30 Circle Stage, Chattanooga Theatre Centre 400 River Street, (423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.com

A&E Calendar Friday

Thursday

The Monroe Crossing Bluegrass & Gospel Show Special concert with Friends of the Wednesday Night Pickers.

Bring your instruments, jam follows concert! $12 in advance, $15 at the door 7:30 p.m.

Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 605-7975. www.barkinglegs.org

Send your calendar events to us at calendar@chattanoogapulse.com

“Themes of Identity: Selections from the Permanent Collection” with AVAnt art 6 p.m. Hunter Museum of Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944. www.huntermuseum.org Mystery of TV Talk Show 7 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. www.funnydinner.com Rick Gutierrez 8 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com Photographic Society Member’s Choice Exhibit Gallery at Blackwell, 71 Eastgate Loop. (423) 344-5643. www.chatanoogaphoto.org Walking History Tours of Chattanooga Chattanooga History Center, 615 Lindsey St. (423) 265-3247.

Opening Night reception for “Portraiture: the Etheric, Astral, and Apocalyptic” New show of local artist Dennis Palmer’s work Free 5:30 - 9:00 p.m.

Southern Saddlery Building, 3069 South Broad St, Suite 3.

(423) 280-7182. www.tannerhillgallery.com

Saturday

The Little Dog Laughed Comedy of Hollywood’s musical sexual identities. $15 8 p.m.

Chattanooga Theatre Centre, Circle Stage, 400 River Street.

(423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.com

Monday Foreign Policy Supper Club, “Three Cups of Tea” 6 p.m. Jewish Cultural Center, 5461 N. Terrace. (423) 493-0270.

Steel Magnolias 7 p.m. Brock Hall, Bryan College, 721 Bryan Dr. Dayton, TN. (423) 775-7560.

“Speak Easy” spoken word and poetry 8 p.m. Mudpie Restaurant, 12 Frazier Ave. (423) 267-9040.

“Looking Beyond” Smart Furniture Studio, 313 Manufacturer’s Rd. (423) 643-0025.

“All Around the Block” In-Town Gallery, 26A Frazier Ave. (423)267-9214. www.intowngallery.com “Hot Mess” Association for Visual Arts, 30 Frazier Ave. (423) 265-4282.

Photographic Society Member’s Choice Exhibit Reception 6 p.m. Gallery at Blackwell, 71 Eastgate Loop. (423) 344-5643. www.chattanoogaphoto.org UTC Music Faculty Concert 7:30 p.m UTC Fine Art Center, 615 McCallie Ave. (423) 425-4601. www.utc.edu/music A Night of Foodie Flicks 7:30 p.m. Create Here, 55 E. Main St., Ste. 105. (423) 648-2195. www.createhere.org Rick Gutierrez 7:30 & 10 p.m. The Comedy Catch & Giggles Grille, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com “Singing the Blues Away” with the Chattanooga Girls Choir 8 p.m. Mountain City Club, 729 Chestnut St. (423) 629-6188. www. mountaincityclub.org

The Little Dog Laughed 8 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, Circle Stage, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.com The Mystery of Flight 138 8:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. www.funnydinner.com Oils and Acrylics by Charlie Newton North River Civic Center, 1009 Executive Dr. (423) 870-8924.

“A Passion for Pitchers” Houston Museum of Decorative Arts, 201 High St. (423) 267-7176. www.thehoustonmuseum.com UTC Department of Art Student Juried Show Cress Gallery, UTC, Corner of Vine and Palmetto. (423) 425-4600. www.utc.edu/cressgallery

Sunday Mosaic Market 11 a.m. 412 Market St. (corner of 4th/Market) (423) 624-3915. www.mosaicchattanooga.com Mystery of the The TV Talk Show 1 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. www.funnydinner.com Jazz Workshop 6 p.m. Pasha Coffeehouse, 3914 St. Elmo. (423) 475-5482. www.pashacoffeehouse.com Mystery of the Nightmare High School Reunion 6 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. www.funnydinner.com Rick Gutierrez 7:30 & 10 p.m. The Comedy Catch & Giggles Grille, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com

The Mystery of the Red NeckItalian Wedding 8:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. www.funnydinner.com “Themes of Identity” Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944. www.huntermuseum.org “Common Objects” River Gallery, 400 E. Second St. (423) 265-5033. www.river-gallery.com “Love Supreme: An Exhibit Inspired by the Legendary John Coltrane” African American Museum, 200 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-8658. www.caamhistory.org Contemporary Art Hollis Gallery, 1401 Williams St. (866) 544-0896. www.hollisgallery.net

Tuesday

Wednesday

Southern Literature Book Club: The Help 6 p.m. Rock Point Books, 401 Broad St. (423) 504-0638. www.rockpointbooks.com Steel Magnolias 7 p.m. Brock Hall, Bryan College, 721 Bryan Dr. Dayton, TN. (423) 775-7560.

Flick’s Cafe—Films from the 60’s: The Sinner 6:30 p.m. Chattanooga-Hamilton Bicentennial Library, 1001 Broad St. (423) 757-5310.

“Earth” Warehouse Row Project Space, 1110 Market St. (423) 280-7182. www.tannerhillgallery.com “Portraiture: The Etheric, Astral, and Apocalyptic” TannerHill Gallery, 3069 S. Broad St. (423) 280-7182. www.tannerhillgallery.com

Urban League Professional Development Book Club: Never Eat Alone 6 p.m. Rock Point Books, 401 Broad St. (423) 504-0638. www.rockpointbooks.com Steel Magnolias 7 p.m. Brock Hall, Bryan College, 721 Bryan Dr. Dayton, TN. (423) 775-7560.

Folk Art at Winder Binder Winder Binder Gallery of Folk Art, 40 Frazier Ave. (423) 413-8999. www.winderbinder.com Photographic Society Member’s Choice Exhibit Gallery at Blackwell, 71 Eastgate Loop. (423) 344-5643. www.chatanoogaphoto.org Walking History Tours of Chattanooga Chattanooga History Center, 615 Lindsey St. (423) 265-3247.

Mountain Music Folk School Party Bring your instrument and some friends to the 2nd annual student appreciation party.

1 – 4:30 p.m.

Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Avenue. www.mmfolk.com

Chattanooga Clarinet Choir and Jericho Brass 3 p.m. St. Thaddaeus Episcopal Church, 4300 Locksley Ln. (423) 892-2377.

Chamber Orchestra of Tennessee Memorial Concert 4 p.m. The Church of Good Shepard, 211 Franklin Rd. Lookout Mtn., TN. (423) 821-1583.

Rick Gutierrez 8 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com “The Kennedys: Portrait of a Family” Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944. www.huntermuseum.org Liz Kinder Stoneware Plum Nelly, 330 Frazier Ave. (423) 266-0585. www.plumnellyshop.com

Editor’s Pick: Featured Event Of The Week

Chattacon 35 If you are in this scene (science fiction, comics, gaming, etc.), this is a don’t-miss, just as it is every year. Live music, robotic battles, authors Timothy Zahn, Sherrilyn Kenyon, Jody Lynn Nye and Bill Fawcett, artist Todd Lockwood, and Star Wars’ famous Wookie himself, Peter Mayhew (above).

Friday, January 22 – Sunday, January 24 $50 for all three days (all inclusive for all events and entertainment) Chattanooga Choo Choo Holiday Inn, 1400 Market St. (423) 872-2529. www.chattacon.org

95.3 Pulse News www.chattanoogapulse.com 1.21.10 The Pulse

21

On The Beat

By Alex Teach

Automated Tickets: Here’s Your Sign 1

946. Shortly after the close of World War II, the United States government began the practice of adding fluoride to public drinking water in an effort to reduce tooth decay, particularly in young children and the poor in general who experienced agony from such decay frequently and without the means of affording care for the relief of it. Cavities, it turns out, cost society more to treat than any other disease, and scientists globally regarded this practice as “a pretty good move”.

What they never counted on, however, was the adverse reaction fluoride has when put in contact with tinfoil.

Hats, specifically.

There have been conspiracies for as long as there have been stupid, insecure people on this planet (which scientists also concur has been “pretty much forever”), but this one is the Stupid Grandfather of the modern age.

Fluoridation has been associated with pacifism, mind control, population control, the abandonment of civil liberties and as an imminent sign of total governmental control of the populace, in lieu of a Democratic “supermajority” in the Senate. (“The 2008 Elections” is a column for another day.)

2008. There are 5.8 million car crashes nationally. That is 5,800,000: A ridiculous number, particularly for those educated in the Hamilton County public school system. Of those, 1.6 million people were injured, and 34,017 were killed. As with the masses with rotted teeth wandering around holding their jaws and making a huge racket 62 years ago, the government again takes notice of this and decides a society cannot remain civilized with 34,017 dead folks scattered all about the place…so again, it acts.

The initial thought is to educate people with positively huge reflective signs directly on the roadsides dictating the recommended limit for speed (or “speed limit”), but for a large number (it took at least 2,900,000 people to hit the other 2,900,000), this proves ineffectual and other ideas are sought.

The second most popular idea is one occupied police car being assigned to each driver in order to monitor and regulate their speed, but this is

22

deemed not just cost prohibitive, at $50,000 a pop with training, salary, and equipment, but with no small amount of irony it is also abandoned for fear of being misconstrued as an infringement of civil liberties.

A compromise was instituted in which one officer would regulate about 10,000 motorists on average, but the ratio of 1:10,000 people being regulated and ticketed was still leading to deaths in the tens of thousands. The government goes back to the drawing board, and this time, finds the answer in every bank, gas station, hotel, airport and cell phone in America: Cameras.

Americans go to hotels, gas stations, banks, airports, and many other places every hour of every day. They also complain to nine in ten officers pulling them over, “What about the real criminals out there? Don’t you have anything better to do?” Turns out, they do. So this marriage of ideas produces the Automated Ticketing System.

Fatalities in one section of Hixson Pike go from dozens to ZERO for more than two years now, addressing the scattered corpse issue directly.

People speeding in excess of 10 mph over the posted limits start receiving tickets by the bucket, with only one officer manning that ubiquitous White Van, and it doesn’t even add points to your driving record.

Costs of the cameras themselves are provided by the private sector, not taxpayers, and taxpayers don’t even have to cover the hideous costs of paying and training more police officers.

Then most unexpectedly (or was it?), the officers once assigned to sitting on the roadsides not catching “real criminals” are present in their communities, and a domino effect occurs in which response times to violent crimes goes down, and the number of property crimes begins falling in double digits in some areas.

Revenue generated from these tickets then goes towards once-abandoned driver-education programs (which, again, reduce crashes) and covers the cost of new police equipment for (you guessed it) further crime reduction actions.

The Government smiles. Then tilts its head in confusion.

The Stupid arrive with their nice teeth, and instead of joy at the wise use of tax dollars and reduction of dead folk, insurance rates, and crime in general…they complain. Automated ticket cameras from speed vans and red lights are associated with pacifism, mind control, population control, the abandonment of civil liberties and an

The Pulse 1.21.10 www.chattanoogapulse.com 95.3 Pulse News

imminent sign of total governmental control of the populace. (See why I told you that whole first story now? Clever, clever Officer Teach.)

Their right to privacy while driving on a public street is being infringed upon by a revenue generation system.

(Think on this a second.)

I’m short on space, so I’ll just say this: There IS no privacy in the middle of a one- or six-lane roadway, Nimrod.

It’s a ROADWAY. You can’t even drive a car without windows to hide yourself.

You even have to have a picture of yourself on a card saying you’re allowed to drive there. Besides, if you said you did have an expectation of privacy in the middle of the street, besides being stupid, where is your moral outrage over the cameras you put yourself in front of in every aforementioned bank, gas station, hotel, and airport? It’s not there, because they are necessary and make sense. The difference is, you are upset on the roadways because you have been caught speeding by an unbiased scientific device.

As for revenue generation? Of course it is! So—what now, when a human catches you and you go to court, you shouldn’t be fined? All fines are wrong now? Or just the ones in which you have been caught? Again, where was the outrage before? Speeding and red light fines going to police equipment? “Duh!” Your ever-present demands to see the radar gun and certification? They’re right there. The red light cameras?

Video is now awaiting you in the courtroom, every time.

When an officer caught you, it was a “trap”. He lied about you running the sign or the light, and the judge took his word over yours. Now you’re on video…so it’s “unconstitutional”.

The Constitution doesn’t give you a right to speed, folks. It doesn’t even give you a reasonable expectation of privacy on the public roadways. I checked.

But, “Stupid” is the rule of the day, so you’ll probably win. We’ll take those officers back out of your neighborhoods, and go back on the side of the roadways. We’ll let the bodies pile up in the S-curves, and property crimes increase like your property taxes to hire more officers to address the rising crime again.

All those government-based shiny teeth, all those savings of money and lives, but no one smiles for the camera.

You win.

Right?

“There have been conspiracies for as long as there have been stupid, insecure people on this planet (which scientists also concur has been ‘pretty much forever’), but this one is the Stupid Grandfather of the modern age.”

When officer Alexander D. Teach is not patrolling our fair city on the heels of the criminal element, he is an occasional student at UTC, an up and coming carpenter, auto mechanic, prominent boating enthusiast, and spends his spare time volunteering for the Boehm Birth Defects Center.

95.3 Pulse News www.chattanoogapulse.com 1.21.10 The Pulse

23

Music Feature

By Hellcat

It’s Never Too Late T

his past week I had a huge realization. A realization that I felt I should share with my fellow music lovers, as it has probably had an effect on how I have viewed and listened to music throughout my life.

I have never liked heavy metal. Why? Well, because I just didn’t like the bands I had been exposed to, and I definitely had no interest in the people I knew to like metal. I don’t know exactly what it was that deterred me from the music other than the fact that I found the metal fans to be off-putting. In the same way, I don’t care for The Grateful Dead; I might if I listened to it, but I never did because the fans turned me off.

I detest Widespread Panic and have never heard the first chord. But man, I hate a visor. Because of these reasons, I just skipped over metal. I didn’t try to understand it. I just ignored it and pretended it wasn’t there. A whole chapter in the vast pages of music history, for which I didn’t even purchase the Cliff Notes. With the exception of speed metal gods Motorhead, I turned the channel.

In summation, I have been unfair. It’s kind of like the people that don’t like the Tennessee Vols because they don’t like the fans. It doesn’t make sense. So, to be fair as a music writer, I have sought to right this wrong, and give heavy metal and just plain metal a chance.

First, I found someone who held a badge in metal, heavy metal, and hard rock. In fact, he may be the first person to hold a self-taught doctorate in music I don’t like. He introduced me to old Metallica, particularly a song called “Breadfan”. I found this to be rather eye opening, because whenever I thought Metallica, I thought of lame MTV Metallica and chicks with really bad hair. This lone riff cut through the cold silence of my unfounded judgment and shook me to give metal another look.

What I found was shocking. Some of it really rocks. This may be hard to accept, but understand that I’m coming clean here by saying I had never listened to Black Sabbath until recently. The most I knew about Ozzy Osbourne was from his reality

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show and something about a bat. For the song “Snowblind” alone, they deserve my attention. Bullet for My Valentine? Not so much on the “Waking the Demon” side of things, but definitely when they go back to a familiar punk sound on “Hearts Burst into Fire”—I think my jury is still out on that one.

On the other hand, Judas Priest, “Victim of Changes” is ridiculously amazing. Point one goes to metal. Give it up for Judas Priest. Rob Halford is a bad man. Next? Cradle of Filth. I have to say, I like the music and the sound—just not the vocals. Too much growling for me. Although, “Nymphetamine” is pretty right on when the chick starts to sing. I just don’t get into growling. I mean, this is a growth experience for me and everything, but it isn’t magic.

Another dirty secret of mine, is that I never listened to Danzig, beyond “Mother” and that was only because it was on my Guitar Hero. This struck me as crazy, considering I love The Misfits. Was I sick that day? Of course, I loved it. “Snakes of Christ” was the first song introduced into my playlist. Awesome. By the way, Metallica does some pretty decent Misfits covers, as I’ve discovered on this journey. Lamb of God was next on my list of metal study, with a song called “Redneck”. OK, let me say that this is still a guilty pleasure. I like it. I definitely like it. I might buy a shirt, but I don’t know if I would wear it out. The music makes me want to go steal your mom’s yard ornaments, and I’m sorry.

Iron Maiden? I blame them, mostly, for me sneering at metal to begin with, as it was the acidwashed jeans and airbrushed T-shirt

“The music makes me want to go steal your mom’s yard ornaments, and I’m sorry.” wearing fans of this band that made me cringe. For having to see that, I take a point back from metal. It does not matter how good “Hallowed Be Thy Name” might be to some of you, I don’t think it’s good enough to forgive all the horrible fashion that came from it. Maybe I’m just not ready. Killswitch Engage makes me angry, but in a good way. The kind of angry that makes a kid circle the Wal-Mart parking lot ready to stalk their ex-girlfriend when she gets off work. Maybe that isn’t a good angry, but either way I like it.

After this journey to discovery, while it wasn’t always pleasant, I have come away from it with a better understanding of an unfamiliar music and I am pleased to announce that I have added an entire band and their catalog to my permanent favorites. That band is Pantera. I had never listened to Pantera before. I know it’s hard to believe, but it’s completely true. I love them. I love everything about them. I haven’t heard a song or watched a tour video that I haven’t enjoyed. Long live the “Cowboys From Hell”.

So, the moral of this story? Don’t judge a band by its fans. I have learned my lesson. I challenge you, readers, to give a genre you think you hate a second listen.

You might be surprised at what you find.

Music Calendar Friday

Thursday

The Infamous Stringdusters with Slim Pickens Some damn fine pickin’ and grinnin’. $10 10 p.m.

Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market Street. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com

Send your calendar events to us at calendar@chattanoogapulse.com

The Crimson Armada, In The Midst Of Lions, Sleep Serapis Sleep, Creation, Colossus 7 p.m. The Warehouse, 5716 Ringgold Rd., East Ridge.

Monroe Crossing 8 p.m. Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Avenue. (423) 624-5347 Jordan Hallquist 9 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike. (423) 266-1996.

Convertibull 9 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055.

Kyle Mackillop and The Waybackwhens 9 p.m. Mudpie Restaurant, 12 Frazier Ave. (423) 267-9043.

Incredible Sandwich and After Elvis 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400.

Luster, 476, Another Dead Saint Friday headbanging at its best at Ziggy’s. $5 9 p.m.

Ziggy’s Hideaway, 607 Cherokee Blvd. (423) 634-1074. myspace.com/ziggyshideaway

Saturday

Up With the Joneses, Mother Jackson Make it out to JJ’s to see local faves UWTJ. $7 10 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia

Monday Old Tyme Players 6 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Rick Rushing and Blues Strangers Acoustic Set 6:30 p.m. Pasha Coffee House, 3914 St. Elmo Avenue, (423) 475-5482. www.pashacoffeehouse.com Speak Easy Poetry and Spoken Word Open Mic 8 p.m. Mudpie Restaurant, 12 Frazier Ave. Northshore.

(423) 267-9043. www. mudpierestaurant.com The Palms at Hamilton 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202, (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com

Live Jazz 7p.m. Blue Orleans on Market, 1463 Market St. (423) 629-8080.

Behold the Brave, Appletrees & Tangerines, That New Retro, Eagle Scout, Faretheewell 7 p.m. The Warehouse, 5716 Ringgold Rd., East Ridge.

Windchime Trio 7:30 p.m. The Original Blue Orleans Restaurant, 3208 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 629-6538.

Of Famine or Chance, DJ-HD, DJ Acronym, Raenbow Station 7:30 p.m. Club Fathom, 412 Market Street (423) 757-0019.

NatalieLoveJoys 8 p.m. Ziggy’s Hideaway, 607 Cherokee Blvd. (423) 634-1074.

Ben Friberg Trio 8:30 p.m. The Foundry, 1201 Broad St. (423) 424- 3775. www.chattanooganhotel.com

Frontiers: A Journey Tribute 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com Cadillac Saints 10 p.m. Market Street Tavern, | 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com The Unsatisfied, Hot Rods, Riverland, and Music City Burlesque 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia Roger Alan Wade 10 p.m. T-Bones Sports Café, 1419 Chestnut Ave. (423) 266-4240. www.tboneschattanooga.com Slim Pickins 10 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike. (423) 266-1996. www.tremonttavern.com

Sunday Chattanooga United Fest with Dissect the Correnor and more 5 p.m. The Warehouse, 5716 Ringgold Rd., East Ridge.

Bill Mallonee of Vigilantes of Love 6 p.m. New City Fellowship, 2424 E. 3rd Street (423) 618-9860 Curse The Day, Everybody Loves the Hero, Flood the Scene 7:30 p.m. Club Fathom, 412 Market Street (423) 757-0019.

Husky Burnette 8 p.m. Paddy’s Pub and Grill, 5603 Hixson Pike (423) 843-2658 Luster, 476, and Another Dead Saint 8 p.m. Ziggy’s Hideaway, 607 Cherokee Blvd. (423) 634-1074.

Ben Friberg Trio 8:30 p.m. The Foundry, 1201 Broad St. (423) 424- 3775.

Trent Wagler & the Steel Wheels 8 p.m. Charles and Myrtle’s Coffeehouse, 105 McBrien Rd. www.christunity.org Mellow Down Easy 9 p.m. Riverhouse Pub, 224 Frazier Ave. (423) 752-0066.

Hagarty and DeYoung 10 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260.

Gabriel Newell & Muddy Soul 10 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike. (423) 266-1996.

Subway Mars 10 p.m. T-Bones Sports Café, 1419 Chestnut Ave. (423) 266-4240.

Breakfast Club with Sweet Remains 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com

Tuesday

Wednesday

Abacabb/Dr. Acula/Molutuv Solution/Upon A Burning Body/Every Word A Prophecy 6 p.m. The Warehouse, 5716 Ringgold Rd., East Ridge.

Time to re-visit the Blarney Stone with a pint and a song.

No cover.

6:30 p.m.

Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike. (423) 266-1996. www.tremonttavern.com

Editor’s Pick: Featured Event Of The Week

Ben Friberg Trio 7 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com

Billy Hopkins and Friends 8 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260.

Johnston-Brown 8 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055.

Jonathan Wimpee 9 p.m. Northshore Grille, 16 Frazier Ave. (423) 757-2000.

Spoken Word/Poetry Night 8 p.m. The Riverhouse, 224 Frazier Avenue, (423) 752-0066.

Open Mic 9 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike. (423) 266-1996.

Live Music 9 p.m. Northshore Grille, 16 Frazier Ave. (423) 757-2000. www.northshoregrille.com

Thomas Function, ADDC, and Marty Bohannon 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia

Irish Music

Mountain Music 1 p.m. Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Avenue. (423) 624-5347 Open Mic w/Jeff Daniels 4 p.m. Ms. Debbie’s Nightlife Lounge 4762 Highway 58, (423) 485-0966.

Rick Rushing and Blues Strangers 6:30 p.m. Mudpie Restaurant, 12 Frazier Ave. (423) 267-9043. www.mudpierestaurant.com Open Mic 8 p.m. Gene’s Bar & Grill, 724 Ashland Terrace, (423) 870-0880.

Live Music 9:30 p.m. Northshore Grille, 16 Frazier Ave. (423) 757-2000. www.northshoregrille.com Monotonix, Turbo Fruits, and Future Virgins 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400.

Erick Baker with Laticia Wolf 9:30 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com

Monotonix, Turbo Fruits, Future Virgins Those krazy kids from Tel Aviv are back—and they’re bringing Nashville punks Turbo Fruits with them. No one ever knows what will happen at a Montonix show—wear flameretardant clothing.

Sunday, January 24 $7, 10 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia

95.3 Pulse News www.chattanoogapulse.com 1.21.10 The Pulse

25

New Music Reviews

By Ernie Paik

Turbo Fruits

Various Artists

Echo Kid

Where the Action Is! Los Angeles Nuggets 1965-1968

(Fat Possum)

(Rhino) Think about this: rock music is more than half-acentury old.

It’s still endearing for a number of reasons, but one is that it is generally an inviting sort of music—easy to grasp, with immediate payoffs. I’m reminded of an intro to a Tom Lehrer song, where he refers to, “Rock and roll, and other children’s records”—mind you, he said this in 1959.

A punk phase is a sort of rite of passage for bratty young musicians, which can require a minimal amount of ability for entry. Since it’s so easy to make rock music these days, it also makes it difficult. As much as some punks might not want to admit it, punk music is nonconformist in spirit and attitude, yet utterly conformist in structure and execution. The everpresent challenge these days with rock musicians is to distinguish themselves in some fashion without alienating.

The Nashville trio Turbo Fruits has no use for that previous paragraph, which would probably be considered over-analyzing the situation. The man behind the band is Jonas Stein, who at 21 is already a veteran, being a founder of Be Your Own Pet at age 16. The group has managed to kick off its second album, Echo Kid, with a furious salvo that accomplishes what is sorely needed from rock today: to lift the listener out of his chair and throw him across the room.

The opener, “Want Some Mo’,” has a blistering pace, channeling ’60s garage rock and late ’70s British punk bands like the Damned, and the impulse is to head-bang during the pounding chant of “Mo’! Mo’! Mo’! Mo’!” It’s followed by “Naked with You,” which starts with vocal harmonizing and slips into a Ramones chord progression, and the group makes it work by taking the rudimentary musical scraps and throwing all of its energy behind them. It’s only slightly disappointing, then, that the rest of the album doesn’t quite match the openers, although there aren’t any dramatic departures in style. Once your attention is grabbed, the key is to then stop thinking. A track like “Lotta Lotta Ladies” doesn’t require any analysis; it works on some dumb, gut level, like when you’re on PBR number four and enveloped in oblivious joy.

Turbo Fruits will play JJ’s Bohemia on January 24 with Monotonix and Future Virgins

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Aficionados of mid-to-late ’60s garage and psychedelic rock are well aware of the now-canonized and absolutely essential Nuggets compilation released in 1972, which was expanded into a superb four-CD boxed set in 1998. That was followed by the outstanding Nuggets II, which mined similarly minded (yet even more out-there) material from non-American bands, and Children of Nuggets, which had a nice concept—explore the bands influenced by Nuggets-era bands—but a sometimes puzzling execution. Now, the Nuggets series is exploring regions; a 2007 set centered on San Francisco, and the latest entry, Where the Action Is!, focuses on Los Angeles— bands who frequented the Sunset Strip, its producers and studio wizards, and groups on the city’s geographic and creative fringes.

One welcome surprise is that this generous, 101-track, four-CD boxed set (actually, an 8” x 11” hardcover book that includes write-ups for every song) sounds more diverse than the original Nuggets set, even though it limits itself to one region, albeit a huge one. A good decision was to assign a different theme to each disc, and one can tell that some thought went into the groupings. A sticker on Nuggets II cheekily boasted “Contains virtually no hits!” and the new set carries a similar spirit, although several prominent band names stick out, like the Doors, the Monkees, and the Mamas & the Papas, among the obscurities. Still, the song selections are mostly non-obvious ones, and the collection seems to have two main purposes: not only to unearth overlooked tracks but also to accurately capture the vibe of the scene.

There are plenty of satisfyingly gritty, guitar-driven stompers and blatant, yet reverent imitations of more popular contemporaries (like Bo Diddley, the Beatles, and the Beach Boys), with a very healthy hit-miss ratio. The standout set is disc three, “The Studio Scene,” which closes with the twisty pop song “Poor Old Organ Grinder” by Pleasure, with a non-linear, ever-changing “Good Vibrations”-esque approach, and an unusual, percussionheavy cover of “Baby, Please Don’t Go” by the Ballroom. While the set only has three previously unissued songs and many of the tracks are presented in their mono versions, all but those with the most exhaustive ’60s collections will likely find this set to be a worthy addition to their collections and a solid entry in the Nuggets series.

95.3 Pulse News www.chattanoogapulse.com 1.21.10 The Pulse

27

Spirits Within

By Joshua Hurley

Godfather of Wine L

et’s get back to wine—it will be the first time since 2009 came to an end. For the first two weeks of 2010, we discussed Canadian whiskey for our weekly “Great Buys”. Great Buys is where Riley’s Wine and Spirits on Hixson Pike in Hixson picks a favorite from our large selection of wine and spirits from around the world and shares it with the readership of The Pulse.

For this week’s selection, we’ve chosen Francis Coppola’s Rubicon Estate Wines, on a short list of the finest wines made in California.

Film director Francis Ford Coppola (“The Godfather” trilogy, Apocalypse Now) purchased the Nicbaum Estate in 1974 with wealth made from the Oscar-winning triumphs of the first two “Godfather” films. Gustave Nicbaum founded Inglenook Winery after purchasing the land in 1879. This Napa Valley estate then sat on 80 acres of prime Rutherford Bench vineyards.

By 1976, Coppola had added 40 more acres, bringing the total acreage to 120, planting mostly cabernet sauvignon plus some cabernet franc and merlot.

The Rutherford Bench growing area is known to contain the greatest cabernet sauvignon vineyards in the world. It sits on a six-mile stretch of land in the Napa Valley running along the west side of Highway 29 from just north of Yountville to the north of Rutherford; it also includes a small section of the freeway between Rutherford and Oakville.

Why is Rutherford so great for growing cabernet sauvignon? The area contains deep alluvial soils, which in turn provide great drainage, a key component in great grape cultivation.

In 1995, Coppola restored the property to its original turn-of-the-century girth by purchasing the Inglenook Chateau and its surrounding vineyards. In 2006, the winery underwent a name change from “Francis Coppola Estate” to “Rubicon Estate”.

The winery’s flagship label is Rubicon.

It is a blended red wine that contains cabernet sauvignon, cabernet franc and merlot. Rubicon’s first vintage was 1978, but because of its aging process, three years in oak and three years in the bottle, it wasn’t put on the market until 1985. Rubicon is made to age, giving the wine an extremely tannic, fullbodied characteristic. “Rubicon 2005” is arguably the estate’s finest vintage yet. Rutherford’s extended growing season allowed the fruit to develop

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intense characteristics. Wine Enthusiast awarded it 96 points. Its thick, jammy texture contains flavors of blackberry, black currant, cherries, violets, cedar— and even chocolate. Another two years cellaring would put this wine among the smoothest in the world.

Cabernet franc is similar in taste to its relative cabernet sauvignon, differing by not being as tannic or acidic. This grape is very aromatic and grows well in cooler climates. The French discovered cab franc’s ability to blend well with cabernet sauvignon in the late 1800s, softening the taste of a less-than-perfect vintage of cabernet sauvignon. This blending caught on, and today, many cabernet sauvignons contain a small percentage of cab franc.

“Rubicon Estate’s Cabernet Franc 2005” is velvety smooth, with aromas of plums, red currants and vanilla followed by flavors of blackberries, plum and raisins. “Rubicon Estate Edizione Pennino 2007 Zinfandel” was created to combine two Coppola passions: red zinfandel and his late maternal grandfather Francesco Pennino. Pennino left Naples, Italy in 1905 for America. Upon landing at Ellis Island, he wrote his wife while viewing the Statue of Liberty, asking her and their children to come join him. They did, and several months later he had founded a music publishing company called “Edizione Pennino”. The company logo consisted of two images: the Statue of Liberty and the bay of Naples, which has been reproduced on this wine’s label, a reflection of Coppola’s Italian-American heritage.

This red zinfandel is dark red in color, jammy in texture, displaying intense aromas of raspberries, white pepper and truffles followed by distant flavors of blue and blackberries, briar and hints of spice finishing with a balance of tannins and oak. Three great wines you shouldn’t refuse. Cheers!

The Pulse 1.21.10 www.chattanoogapulse.com 95.3 Pulse News

Free Will Astrology AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): One of the musical Jonas Brothers got married last month. Up until then, 22-year old Kevin Jonas was a virgin, having long ago pledged himself to abstinence until his wedding day. Soon after he and his bride returned from their honeymoon, he issued his report at a press conference: “To be honest, sex was not worth the wait. After we did it, I was kind of like, that’s it?” His confession surprised me. How could he have reached such a definitive conclusion based on so little experience? Wouldn’t it be wise to consider the possibility that over time he might uncover secrets and plumb mysteries that are unknown to him in his unripe state? Learn from his mistake, Aquarius. In the coming weeks, cultivate a humble, innocent, curious attitude not just about sex, but about everything.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): I have a Piscean friend who does modern-day cave paintings. She hikes out to underground caverns and abandoned gold mines, where she creates murals on stony walls. Only a few friends know about her unusual hobby. She shows us photos of her work, but otherwise keeps it secret. She says it’s a pleasurable spiritual practice to offer these beautiful mysteries as a gift to the earth, without any expectation of getting recognition or money. I don’t normally recommend such behavior for Pisceans; in general, I believe you should err of the side of being somewhat self-promotional to compensate for your self-deprecating tendencies. But I do suggest that you try it in the coming weeks. I think you’ll conjure up an epiphany or two if you offer life your favors without worrying about whether they’ll be returned.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Philosopher David Pearce is committed to the abolition of suffering.

While he acknowledges that we’ve got a long way to go before accomplishing that goal, he believes it’s possible, mostly with the help of technology.

(More at http://bit.ly/8oTsCV.) More than two millennia ago, Buddha also articulated a vision for the cessation of suffering. His methods revolve around psychological and spiritual work. In light of your current astrological omens, Aries, I think it’s an excellent time to contribute to this noble enterprise. Your level of suffering is rather low these days, which could give you a natural boost if you set in motion some long-term strategies for reducing the pain that you experience and the pain that you cause.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): I don’t mean to sound melodramatic, and I certainly don’t want to encourage you to do something foolish, but if you’ve been pondering the possibility of storming the castle, this would be a good time to do so.

What exactly am I implying with the phrase “storming the castle”? Well, anything that involves a brave effort to fight your way into the command center of the empire…or a heroic attempt to take back the sanctuary you were exiled from…or a playful adventure in which you work your way into the heart of the king or queen.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): “Let us not underestimate the privileges of the mediocre,” wrote Friedrich Nietzsche. “Life becomes harder and harder as it approaches the heights—the coldness increases, the responsibility increases.”

I bring these thoughts to your attention, Gemini, because in the next two months you’ll be in a prime position to renounce some of the “privileges” of your laziness. Please hear me out.

I’m not saying that your lackadaisical attitudes are any worse than mine or anyone else’s. But there come times in everyone’s cycle when he or she has a chance to outgrow those lackadaisical attitudes so as to reach a higher level that’s both more demanding and more rewarding. This will be one of those times for you.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): According to a poll conducted by the Pew Forum on Religion & Public Life, there are as many people who give credence to astrology as call themselves Catholic.

Believers in reincarnation are another sizable minority; their numbers equal those who put their faith in the Pope and in the planetary omens.

Based on this evidence, we can safely conclude that at least some supposedly woo-woo notions

By Rob Brezsny

are no longer just for woo-woo-ers. You can’t be considered a New Age weirdo or pagan infidel if you’re receptive to the possibility that the world is exceedingly mysterious and a long way from being all figured out. That’s good news for you Cancerians. According to my analysis, your belief system is ready to crack open and allow a surge— maybe even a flood—of new data to rush in.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): How are your wooing skills? Have you enhanced your seductiveness in any way during the last few months? Have you been working on boosting your ability to attract the bounty you need? I’m not just speaking about your power to corral love and sex and tenderness and thrills. I’m referring to the bigger project of enticing all the resources that would be helpful as you pursue your quest to become the best and brightest version of yourself. The coming weeks will be an excellent time to ramp up your efforts.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): “We should feel excited about the problems we confront and our ability to deal with them,” said philosopher Robert Anton Wilson. “Solving problems is one of the highest and most sensual of all our brain functions.” I wholeheartedly agree with him, which is why I expect that in the coming weeks you will be getting even smarter than you already are. The riddles you’ll be presented with will be especially sexy; the shifts in perspective you’ll be invited to initiate will give your imagination the equivalent of a deep-tissue massage.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): “Dear Rob: I’ve been listening to your audio messages on my laptop in my bedroom. And I’ve noticed a curious thing: My cat goes NUTS trying to get to you. She never shows any interest in the other videos and music I play. But when your voice comes on, she does everything she can to try to get into my computer, to find the source of your voice. What’s going on? Libralicious.” Dear Libralicious: Maybe it’s because in all versions of my recent Libra horoscopes, I’ve been putting subliminal messages designed to draw out and energize your tribe’s inner feline. It’s that time in your cycle when you have a mandate to be graceful and inscrutable and sleek.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): This would be an excellent time for you to do a lot less of everything. You’re entering a phase when you can actually help your long-term goals by being less ambitious. The point is not to give up your drive to succeed, but rather just put it to sleep for a while. Let it recharge. Allow it to draw energy from the deeper psychic sources that it tends to get cut off from when it’s enmeshed in the frenzy of the daily rhythm. Do you have the courage to not work so much, not try so hard, and not push so relentlessly?

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Cartoon character Homer Simpson is on record as saying that whenever he learns something new, it pushes some old stuff out of his brain. For example, when he took a course in home winemaking, he forgot how to drive. But I don’t see this being a problem for you as you enter the High-Intensity Educational Season, a time when your capacity to find and absorb new teachings will be at a peak.

If you push hard to learn new lessons, you will certainly not cause the expulsion of old lessons.

On the contrary, you’ll dramatically enhance the power and brightness of what you’ve already learned.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Take what you really need, Capricorn, but don’t take what you just sort of want. That’s my advice to you.

Haggle with life, yes, but insist only on the specific essentials and forgo irrelevant goodies. A similar principle applies as you seek the information you crave: Formulate precise questions that will win you the exact revelations that are necessary to help your cause and that won’t fill your beautiful head up with useless data.

Homework: Want inspiration as you reclaim your own unique relationship with the Divine Wow? Go here: http://bit.ly/RebrandGod

JONESIN’

By Matt Jones

“Freestylin’” –any words you want.

Across 1 It gets sprinkled in some fairy tales 10 True partner?

15 Sometime soon 16 Jon who played Napoleon Dynamite 17 Boxing ref who became a daytime TV judge 18 Buffing material 19 Morgue ID 20 It holds about 70% of the world population 22 Of sounds of speech 24 Contacted digitally?

25 Celebrity called a “fire crotch” in 2006 27 Distant start?

29 George’s “The Men Who Stare at Goats” costar 30 Academy Awardnominated song from 1991 36 Do some serious soul-searching 38 Pen names 39 Hallucinates 41 Enlist again 42 Gospel singer Winans 43 They’re money, baby 44 Overpowers the speakers 48 Aquafina competitor 51 Canadian beer orders 53 Mind heaps

55 Slack-jawed and amazed 56 Cult roster 59 Fencing sword 60 Reasons for red carpets 61 Miss America’s headwear 62 Newsman Sam Down 1 “The Office” character 2 “I’m only ___ for the money” 3 Any wood-eating insect 4 1999 Devon Sawa/ Seth Green horror/ comedy 5 “For Your Eyes Only” singer Sheena 6 “I’m Not There” subject 7 Eel, on a Japanese menu 8 Griffin Dunne, to the late Dominick Dunne 9 Affectedly precious 10 Admission from someone who just realized they’re rambling 11 Real estate company with a hot air balloon logo 12 “That is,” to Caesar 13 Like some coincidences 14 Tree nymph in Greek myth 21 “Complete 360s”, as

mistakenly said by those who don’t get math 23 Netflix’s Reed Hastings, e.g 25 Portable light options, briefly 26 Boo-boo 28 Marshy area 30 Bidding 31 Of grand proportions 32 Like subscriptions to magazines you tire of 33 Edgy makeup items?

34 Dirty reading 35 Recipe amts.

37 “...you don’t need to know the rest” 40 “South Park” character with an electronic voice box 43 Fuel distillation product 44 Not-as-famous celebrity status 45 Hawaiian porch 46 Addis ___, Ethiopia 47 More like rough winds 49 “King of the Hill” town 50 1965 civil rights marches beginning 52 Squad often seen on film in car chases on hilly streets: abbr.

54 Palm device 57 It glitters in Guatemala 58 ID theft data, perhaps

©2010 Jonesin’ Crosswords (editor@jonesincrosswords.com) For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle #0450.

95.3 Pulse News www.chattanoogapulse.com 1.21.10 The Pulse

29

Ask A Mexican

By Gustavo Arellano

Cartas from Readers Dear Readers, Siempre, the wisest words that appear in this column come from ustedes, y the following two cartas prove this maxim. The first one addresses my year-end column, in which a working-class gabacho insisted his people apapachan a Mexicans mucho: Dear Mexican, Half-Mexican here. I was fortunate enough to catch your column while I was visiting for the holidays. I have a comment in regards to [the gabacho who wrote the letter] Sick of all of You. He said, “No other country baby-sits Americans the way American babysit Mexicans.” I would have to disagree. I’ve been living in Spain for the past seven months as an English teacher, and he is greatly mistaken.

All of Europe and practically the entire world caters to Americans. The international business language is English. Almost all signs are posted in the native language of the country and English. I’m ashamed that our country sees it as a burden to learn or tolerate another language. A majority of the world speaks English as their second language in order to cater to the American tourists and business industry. I just wanted to share this, from my foreign living experience.

The world caters to us the US; I think we can spare a few bus stop translations.

— Life in the Afternoon The following letter is a bit more critical, concerning a Best of Mexican I reran for the Jan. 7 edición of my

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column concerning a white woman trying to calm down her wab paramour: Dear Mexican, I couldn’t believe the advice you gave Enamormada Gabacha: “Nothing says I love you, nothing says ‘Welcome to America’ like an old-school blowjob.” Maybe so, but “an old-school blowjob” also an excellent way of spreading STDs. To be sure, transmitting HIV through oral sex is rather rare—but it has been known to happen.

However, syphilis and gonorrhea are different stories. Gonorrhea, I might add, is particularly worrisome because certain strains of this bacteria are becoming increasingly immune to all known antibiotics. It’s extremely irresponsible to advise an “old-school blowjobs” without also advising “old school” protection, like condoms.

— Trojan Travieso Well, DUH. But Enamorada Gabacha was already seriously involved with her hombre—this wasn’t a one-night stand, or a midnight run to the border. I’d assume and hope anyone who gets intimately involved with someone will first have a discussion about each other’s sex life before doing the deed, up to and including sharing STD test results—but if I put in a publicservice announcement like that, I’d be treading the terrain of Savage Love.

And I don’t want that mariposa messing with my pesos…

And now, a question:

The Pulse 1.21.10 www.chattanoogapulse.com 95.3 Pulse News

Dear Mexican, I was under the impression that Mexico actually had a LARGER middle class than most Latin American nations, consisting of doctors and lawyers, among all sorts of other professions. Mexico may have a far greater problem with poverty than the U.S., but compared to its southern neighbors, it’s relatively bourgeois. Do you know if there is any truth to my supposition?

— Tío Moneybags Dear Gabacho:, No, you’re correcto—in a way.

The World Bank’s 2008 country rankings on gross national income per capita lists Mexico as tops in Latin America, but an IMD International survey puts Mexico as the país with the largest percentage of its population (22.1 percent) below the median income line, which suggest rampant social stratification (número three on that list? Los Estados Unidos, with 17 percent of nosotros making less than the middle-class—so much for our superiority!). A 2006 BusinessWeek article estimated 40 percent of Mexicans were in the middle class, and that really isn’t surprising. “All sorts of other profession”? Raza, repeat after me: MEXICO IS A NORMAL COUNTRY. Too many narco-killings, for sure, and too little social mobility, but it’s firmly in the bottom rungs of the First World— and definitely no Guatemala.

REMEMBER, READERS: Start asking me questions on my Youtube channel, youtube.com/askamexicano.

“Raza, repeat after me: MEXICO IS A NORMAL COUNTRY. Too many narcokillings, for sure, and too little social mobility, but it’s firmly in the bottom rungs of the First World—and definitely no Guatemala.”

Ask the Mexican at themexican@ askamexican.net, myspace.com/ocwab, facebook.com/garellano, youtube.com/ askamexicano, find him on, Twitter, or write via snail mail at: Gustavo Arellano, P.O. Box 1433, Anaheim, CA 92815.