The Pulse - Vol. 7, Issue 10

HAVE KAZOO, WILL TRAVEL • CHATTANOOGA CONFIDENTIAL

Creative Anachronisms Celebrating the Middle Ages In Chattanooga FREE • News, Views, Music, Film, Dining, Arts & Entertainment • March 11, 2010 • Vol. 7 - Issue 10 • www.chattanoogapulse.com

President Jim Brewer, II

2010

Publisher Zachary Cooper Contributing Editor Janis Hashe News Editor Gary Poole Calendar Editor Kathryn Dunn Advertising Manager Rhonda Rollins Advertising Sales Rick Leavell, Leif Sawyer, Townes Webb Art Director Kelly Lockhart Graphic Design Jennifer Grelier Staff Photographer Louis Lee Contributing Writers Gustavo Arellano, Rob Brezsny Chuck Crowder, Michael Crumb Hellcat, Joshua Hurley Stuart James, Matt Jones Phillip Johnston, Kelly Lockhart Jonathan Meyer, Ernie Paik Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D. Alex Teach, Colleen Wade Editorial Cartoonist Rick Baldwin Editorial Intern Jonathan Selby Copy Assistant Bryanna Burns Thinks Boba Fett Got Hosed Josh Lang Contact Info: Phone (423) 648-7857 Fax (423) 648-7860 info@chattanoogapulse.com Calendar Submissions calendar@chattanoogapulse.com Advertising advertising@chattanoogapulse.com The Pulse is published weekly and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publishers may take more than one copy per weekly issue. The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors.

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ontents

11 CREATIVE ANACHRONISMS

By Gary Poole A man, dressed in full armor, pulls his visor’s helm down over his face and brings his sword up into a ready position. A woman sits quietly a few feet away, studiously working on an elaborate piece of embroidery. Two young children in flowing medieval gowns run, laughing merrily.

feature stories 6 TIME FOR A FREE TREE

By Janis Hashe “My dad believed that the simple act of planting a tree helps foster ecosensitivity and is something that translates into greater appreciation of our planet.”

16 HAVE KAZOO, WILL TRAVEL

By Chuck Crowder Imagine it’s 1970-something, and your parents have treated you to a night at Shakey’s Pizza. Right there along with your substandard slice is something you hear for the very first time that you’ll forever equate with either this ill-fated eatery or maybe Six Flags/Dixieland jazz.

20 A FILMIC POTPOURRI 1305 Carter Street Chattanooga, Tennessee 37402 Letters to the editor must include name, address and daytime phone number for verification. The Pulse reserves the right to edit letters for space and clarity. Please keep letters within 500 words in length.

By Janis Hashe Thanks are due to the Arts & Education Council for bringing in yet another superb work that would not be seen in Chattanooga without the Independent Film Series.

The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on culture, the arts, entertainment and local news.

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A ee w xt ne

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AL F e NU E O EN uls AN AL CK he P T I T A CH in k

MARCH

24 CHATTANOOGA CONFIDENTIAL

By Michael Crumb Large falling snowflakes accentuated the charms of our view across the river while Dylan Kussman spoke with passion about the need for “smart” cinema in our culture.

news & views 4 5 9 14 22 30

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR PULSE BEATS SHRINK RAP LIFE IN THE NOOG ON THE BEAT ASK A MEXICAN

everything else 4 4 5 17 19 21 25 26 28 28 29 29

EDITOON THE LIST CITY COUNCILSCOPE MUSIC CALENDAR NEW MUSIC REVIEWS NEW IN THEATERS A&E CALENDAR DINING OUT SPOTLIGHT SPIRITS WITHIN FREE WILL ASTROLOGY JONESIN’ CROSSWORD JOY STICK

Editoon

by Rick Baldwin

Top Ten Creative Uses For Silly Putty The makers of Silly Putty recently held a contest to come up with the most creative use for one of the stranger toys ever to become popular with both kids and adults.

Here are some of the best.

1. Form into a ball, throw it at the stock market listings and invest in the stock it lifts off the page. — Peter H., Collinsville, Conn.

2. End an unbearable date by making a swollen gland and excusing yourself because you’re not feeling well. — Judith D., Norwich, Conn.

3. Use as an alternative to cement handprints at Mann’s Chinese Theatre in Hollywood for flashin-the-pan actors. — Charles G., Dallas, Texas 4. Stick yucky vegetables under the dining room table. — Pam Straub, North H., N.H. 5. Roll a long piece across your dorm room floor to clean it without a vacuum. — Justin K., Urbana, Ohio 6. Used it take a fingerprint off my truck that was broken into.

They caught the culprit and a few weeks later, I got all my stuff and a reward. — Ron F., Library, Pa. 7. Use to give hairdos to Pez dispensers. — Stephanie H., Costa Mesa, Calif.

8. Use in the study of martial arts.

It flows like water, breaks like a brick, can disguise itself and has the agility of a cat. — Brian V., Springfield, Mo. 9. Roll into snakes of all sizes to scare away pesky neighbors. — Gregory J., Gloversville, N.Y. 10. Make a boat for your pet hamster. — Alex Z., Plymouth, Minn

Letters to the Editor The Toll Of AIDS It is estimated that over 3,000 children die each day from AIDS complications in Subsaharan Africa [“The Shortest Month”, Shrink Rap]. Take a moment to let that sink in. Please think about them, their families, their siblings, and their schoolmates.

J. Martin Officer Teach Obviousness Obvious is relative, obviously [“A Week in the Obvious”, On The Beat]. I hope you are prepared for more outraged advocates for maligned groups. PETO? People for Ethical Treatment of Outlaws?

CHUM? Cetacea’s Humans Used for Meals? Nothing can compare, of course, with your Neologism of the Year, Electronaut. Keep them coming, Officer Teach. And even though I recently lost a friend to ALS, I laughed a lot at the line on Lou Gehrig’s eponymous disease.

Felix Miller

Need New Police Chief It’s pretty bad that the Chattanooga Police Department has relieved Officer Carlos Woodruff from duty when he hasn’t been found guilty of the charge [“CPD Officer Relieved Of Duty After Domestic Assault”]. I think this officer needs to sue the Chief of Police and the city for this. He has been with the city for 15 years and it’s always a witch hunt after police officers in this city. It’s time for a new Chief of Police and Mayor.

Mike M. The letter from J. Nesbitt in last week’s issue regarding the lack of proper traffic control during a accident on Interstate 24 two Sundays ago touched off varied responses on our web site at www. chattanoogapulse.com Horribly Bungled I agree 100 percent with J Nesbitt.

Whichever agency was responsible for traffic control that Sunday—be

it the Chattanooga city police, the state police, or even the Cub Scouts—bungled it horribly.

M.J. Ditzer Not Officers’ Fault Instead of saying that the police were not doing their job, maybe tell the Mayor that we need more officers. Soon to be 75 short is not good for a city our size.

“Concerned Citizen”

Send all letters to the editor and questions to info@chattanoogapulse.com We reserve the right to edit letters for content and space. Please include your full name, city and contact information.

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The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 10 | March 11, 2010

Chattanooga's Weekly Alternative

Pulse Beats Brown Thrasher Out, Cornish Hen In?

Quote Of The Week:

A rundown of the newsy, the notable, and the notorious...

There are some feathers flying just south of the border as a group of Georgians are mounting a campaign to replace the state bird. The brown thrasher has long been synonymous with the Peach State, but restaurant owner Chris Cunningham wants to see the Cornish hen take the top spot in the ornithological pecking order.

He has started a petition drive and launched a web site that accused the brown thrasher of being a fair-weather fowl, heading to Florida every winter when it gets too cold. Many supporters of the change feel it is inappropriate for the state to honor a bird that won’t even stick around all year.

But why the Cornish hen, more notable for its place on the dining room table than flying freely about the state?

Cunningham points out that Georgia is the “chicken capital of the world” and thinks nothing would be more appropriate than to represent the agricultural interest of chicken ranchers statewide with the change.

Considering that nearly 124,000 people are involved in the poultry industry in Georgia, it is not inconceivable that many people would rally to the cause of the Cornish hen.

However, the brown thrasher is not going down without a flight. The powerful Georgia Conservancy has joined the fray and is gathering signatures for their own petition to keep the thrasher at the top of the roost. They even go so far as to accuse “Big Chicken” of ignoring history for profit.

The Conservancy points out that the brown thrasher was originally named the state bird in 1935 after a statewide vote by schoolchildren, and then confirmed by a unanimous vote in the General Assembly in 1970. One member of the Conservancy says that if Cunningham really

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wanted to give credit to the state for being the “chicken capital of the world”, as he claims, then the better idea would be to petition to change the nickname of the state from the Peach State to the Chicken State.

Cunningham acknowledges that state legislators do have more serious things to worry about than chickens and brown thrashers.

Between a stagnant economy, failing schools, budget deficits, and a myriad of other economic and political issues, a debate over the state bird strikes many as superfluous at best, and an unwelcome distraction from real governance at worst.

Yet, Cunningham intends to continue his quixotic campaign.

Like Benjamin Franklin before him, who lobbied long and hard in to dethrone the bald eagle as the national bird and replace it with the less noble (but more gastronomically acceptable) turkey, Cunningham sees no lack of honor or disrespect in his quest.

“With this year’s contribution [to Ronald McDonald House Charities], we have now reinvested over $100,000 into serving these families.”

—Rock City President Andrew V. Kean, marking the latest financial contribution to the Ronald McDonald House Charities from the venerable tourist attraction.

Here is one of the more interesting agenda items set to be discussed at the March 16 meeting of the Chattanooga City Council.

7. Resolutions: c) A resolution authorizing the Chief of Police to apply for and accept a grant from the MetLife Foundation for Community-Police Partnership Awards in the amount of $15,000.00 which will be used for training and to purchase uniforms and equipment for Sector Three Bike Patrol.

And who knows, maybe there is a Solomon lurking in the halls of the General Assembly who could float the idea of having a pair of birds represent the state.

Be More Winners Featured on Summer Program The “Be More” Awards winners were announced last week at a lunch held at The Chattanoogan.

They included the Children’s Advocacy Center of Hamilton County (Be More Collaborative - Partnership Award); Ballet Tennessee (Be More Enriched - Educational Outreach Award); Orange Grove Center, Inc. (Be More Creative - Innovation Award); Blood Assurance (Be More Impactful - Local Service Award and Be More Engaging - People’s Choice Award); and Jack Fish (Be More Courageous-Individual Leadership Award). The firsttime awards program was sponsored by

local PBS station WTCI. “The Chattanooga region WTCI serves has an extraordinary nonprofit and volunteer community,” said Paul Grove, WTCI President and CEO. “I hope those who attended the awards program walked away inspired by the amazing work of our winners, finalists and all of the nonprofits that are so vital to our city and region.”

To bring further recognition to the nonprofit community, WTCI will produce a program featuring the award winners, which will air on WTCI in early summer.

It’s always nice to see companies and foundations giving out grant money to things that truly help cities and communities. The Chattanooga Police Department Bike Patrol has been one of the more successful law-enforcement projects over the past decade.

The bike-riding officers patrol the downtown and riverfront areas, providing a visible deterrent to crime and helping both residents and tourists. In many ways, the bike officers are goodwill ambassadors for the city, and anything that can help them to maintain their training and equipment is worthwhile.

The Chattanooga City Council meets each Tuesday at 6 p.m. in the City Council Building at 1000 Lindsay St. For more information on the agendas, visit www.Chattanooga.gov/City_ Council/110_Agenda.asp

March 11, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 10 | The Pulse

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Beyond The Headlines

Time for a Free Tree

By Janis Hashe

“If you think about it, I’m not going to be here when these trees mature so really I’m doing this for my children and other kids across Tennessee.”

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hris Clark is honoring his father, Steve, by asking Tennesseans to plant 100,000 trees.

The president of sustainable design firm SC&A in Nashville, which was founded by his father, says, “My dad believed that the simple act of planting a tree helps foster eco-sensitivity and is something that translates into greater appreciation of our planet. I want every family who might want a tree in their yard to have one. If you think about it, I’m not going to be here when these trees mature so really I’m doing this for my children and other kids across Tennessee.”

Clark says his mission for 100,000 Trees Tennessee is to promote self-action and to emphasize the importance of taking responsibility for the world around us all.

Over the next few weeks, SC&A will

be coordinating his gift through at least 10 distribution centers across Tennessee.

All anyone needs to do is request trees at www.FreeTreesTN.com in quantities up to 100.

“Basically, if you have a business or a home with any amount of land, if you know someone who has a large yard or easement, if you represent a public or private entity with planned tree planting projects, or even if you know of a stream bank or open space that’s begging for a tree, just get in touch with me,” Clark says.

Chattanooga’s Urban Forrester Gene Hyde has already requested trees for Chattanooga. “I have heard from about a dozen individuals who want to plant anywhere from a single tree to more than 100 trees on their property sites throughout the city and county,” he reports. “I have also heard from several governmental agencies as well wanting some of the trees. So I think that in the end more than 1,000 trees will be spread throughout our city and county. I salute Chris Clark for this incredible effort.”

Hyde says his office plans to use the local Agriculture Extension Service as the primary point of contact and local distributor. Those interested in requesting trees can contact Tom Stebbins, Agriculture Extension Service, (423) 855-6113, tstebbins@utk.edu.

The species Clark has chosen to donate are all indigenous and grown in Tennessee.

They include Nutall Oak, Overcup Oak, Sawtooth Oak, Shumard Oak, Swamp White Oak, Tulip Poplar (the state tree), Shortleaf Pine, and Bald Cypress. The trees will be equally divided among species for each count with special requests considered if received before March 20.

His mission is to plant enough trees to make Tennessee greener and healthier. If every K-12 school in Tennessee planted 25 trees, Clark estimates half of his goal would be achieved. “Those same schools could go deeper by writing curriculum around tree-planting projects,” Clark says.

Meantime, there is news with Chattanooga’s own award-winning Take Root tree-planting program. According to Take Root Project Coordinator Preston Roberts, the project has now planted more than 1,000 trees, including 450 in the past planting season. “We’ve continued to plant in the central business district, and a grant from the Lyndhurst Foundation has allowed us to expand into Highland Park, Oak Knoll and Glenwood,” Roberts says.

Of the 600 trees planted in the first round of planting, “We had a 97 percent survival rate, which is excellent,” he says.

The project is well on its way to achieving its goal of doubling the “urban canopy.”

Asked whether the relatively harsh winter will have an adverse effect on the new trees, Roberts notes, “We insulated the root systems by covering the rootballs with mulch, and we believe most of them will make it through just fine.”

He adds that although the SC&A tree donation will not be administered by Take Root, “because these are smaller trees intended primarily for private property,” that the office is “a big cheerleader for the program.”

Private donations are still being solicited to help Take Root achieve its planting goal by the end of 2010. If you would like to help, visit takerootchattanooga.com.

Chattanooga's Weekly Alternative

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March 11, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 10 | The Pulse

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The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 10 | March 11, 2010

Chattanooga's Weekly Alternative

Shrink Rap

By Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D

Don’t Take Yourself Too Seriously I

’m on the threshold of turning the Big Five-Oh. Yes, 50, and it happens later this month. So I don’t know if the story I’m about to share with you is a result of my hitting the mid-century point (Ouch…it hurt to put it that way. That’s gonna leave a mark), or if this happens to people at all ages.

Since I purchased my “smart phone” some months back, I’ve had a bit of a love-hate relationship with it. I love the features, the impressive memory, the Bluetooth, and how it keeps on ticking despite being dropped onto hard surfaces, ejecting its little battery clear across the driveway in the process.

What puzzles me about it is that it sometimes performs functions without my knowledge or direction, or so it seems, anyway. Occasionally I look down to find that I’m on the Internet.

What? How long have THOSE charges been incurring? Or I see that it’s calling voicemail for me. Thanks, but—I didn’t request that. Did I? I keep it handy all day long, alert for calls and messages, and check it first thing in the morning and last thing at night. So it can’t be feeling neglected.

Perhaps unloved. Or maybe, just maybe, this smart phone is trying to show me that it’s smarter than I. Whatever its issue might be (funny how it’s taking on human dimension as this relationship progresses), “Smartie” got its revenge recently. Betty Lou, my wonderpup, and I were getting ready to go for a drive to do some errands.

When the truck was warmed up and I was ready to go, I called to her, in that conversational tone I usually use.

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“OK, Betty, let’s go. You ready?

Did you piddle? Do you need to poop, too? I can wait, but I think you’re all set. You look done. Are you done?

OK, then…come on. Come on. Come on. Betty! Do you still have to pee?

Well, go ahead if you’re going to go, I’m not going to wait all day. No? You’re done? OK, then come on.

Good girl. Now jump up. Go ahead, jump. You want Daddy to help you?

OK, come here. Come here, I’ll help.

Well, turn around a bit…this way…no, this way…there ya go. Good girl. Lie down. Lie down, sweetie. Lie down.

Good girl. Off we go. (subtle growl from the back seat) What? What’s out the window? What’s out there? Do you still have to pee or not??”

I start backing out of the garage, and I suddenly hear a voice as clear as a bell in my right ear: “If you’re happy with your message, press one. To rerecord, press two and begin speaking.”

What?? Who was I just calling?

Who’s about to hear my little “get ready for a road trip with the dog” conversation? I was a touch paralyzed yet needed to find the phone—it was somewhere in the center console, but where? And what if I don’t press one or two? Will it automatically send?

How much time do I have? Oh, good grief, how do I shut this thing off before who-knows receives this message?

When I finally located the phone, I saw that my last call was to a colleague, and I had pocket-dialed her while I was getting into the car.

Oh, great. This will instill lots of professional confidence! (Fortunately, she has a great sense of humor.)

The end of the story is that, to the best of my knowledge, I did NOT send the message. And my own sense of humor returned, as I had a good

chuckle at my own expense. But I had my first experience with pocket-dialing.

And embarrassingly, there have been a few others since then. Sooo…what do you think? Is this a “fifty thing”?

Or just a modern technology thing? I know the answer I’m hoping for.

Meanwhile, a good friend of mine sent a wonderful bit of George Carlin wisdom to me, and I’ll share the following excerpt with you. Some of my younger readers may not relate to all of it, but there is something in here for everyone. It’s called, “How to Stay Young.” Enjoy.

1. Throw out nonessential numbers.

These include age, weight, and height.

Let the doctors worry about them.

That’s what you pay them for.

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches, critics, and narrow-minded ones will only pull you down.

3. Keep learning…about the computer, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and hard.

Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it’s family, pets, music, hobbies, whatever.

8. Cherish your health. If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it.

If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don’t take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next town, to a foreign country. But NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them…at every opportunity.

Until next time: “Fear is a reaction.

Courage is a decision.” — Winston Churchill

“When I finally located the phone, I saw that my last call was to a colleague, and I had pocketdialed her while I was getting into the car.

Oh, great. This will instill lots of professional confidence!”

Dr. Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist, minister, and educator, in private practice in Chattanooga, and the author of “Empowering the Tribe” and “The Power of a Partner.” Visit his new wellness center, Well Nest, at www.

WellNestChattanooga.com, and his website at www.DrRPH.com.

March 11, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 10 | The Pulse

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The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 10 | March 11, 2010

Chattanooga's Weekly Alternative

Cover Story

Creative Anachronisms Story by Gary Poole Photos by Leesha Patterson

“Partygoers

donned motorcycle helmets, fencing masks, and various bits and pieces of medieval costumes and proceeded to gleefully hack away at one another with whatever relatively safe weapon they could find.” www.chattanoogapulse.com

so·ci·e·ty (noun) - an organized group of persons associated together for religious, benevolent, cultural, scientific, political, patriotic, or other purposes. cre·a·tive (adjective) - 1. having the quality or power of creating.

2. resulting from originality of thought, expression, etc.; imaginative: creative writing. a·nach·ro·nism (noun) - something or someone that is not in its correct historical or chronological time, esp. a thing or person that belongs to an earlier time.

A man, dressed in full armor, pulls

his visor’s helm down over his face and brings his sword up into a ready position. A woman sits quietly a few feet away, studiously working on an elaborate piece of embroidery. Two young children in flowing medieval gowns run laughing through a kitchen filled with all sorts of sweet treats. A hooded man resembling a well-dressed monk of some forgotten religious order focuses his high-definition video camera while a similarly dressed man holds a boom microphone out over a group of Renaissance dancers.

To quote Sesame Street, “one of these things is not like the other.”

March 11, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 10 | The Pulse

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Cover Story

Welcome to a gathering of the Shire of Vulpine Reach, the Chattanooga chapter of the Society for Creative Anachronism. A “living history” group, SCA members around the world band together into groups based loosely around the feudal structure of pre-17th century Europe. A shared fascination with history, specifically the Middle Ages and medieval periods, SCA members like to say that they recreate these historical periods “the way they ought to have been.”

Author Diana Paxson is widely credited as having sown the seeds of what became the SCA when she hosted a backyard graduation party of a medieval studies graduate in Berkeley, California on May Day, 1966. Partygoers donned motorcycle helmets, fencing masks, and various bits and pieces of medieval costumes and proceeded to gleefully hack away at one another with whatever relatively safe weapon they could find, mostly plywood swords, padded maces, and even a fencing foil.

The party ended with a parade down Telegraph Avenue, during which the fairly sizeable group sang “Greensleeves” and told curious onlookers that they were protesting the 20th century. Pleased with the turnout and response, Paxson turned to fellow author Marion Zimmer Bradley for a name for the

group when they wanted to reserve a park for a tournament. Thus was officially born the Society for Creative Anachronism.

In the ensuing four decades, the SCA has spread across much of the world, with an estimated membership of more than 32,000 by the end of 2009. As the SCA grew, so did the complexity of the organization as groups formed in cities large and small. It also became quickly apparent that while everyone would love to be a king or queen, there had to be a hierarchy in place to prevent anarchy and chaos. By the end of 1969, three separate kingdoms had been created—West, East, and Middle—to which all of the current kingdoms trace their roots. For example, the Shire of Vulpine Reach is part of the Kingdom of Meridies, which originally belonged to the fourth kingdom, Atenveldt, which began as a branch of the original West.

(While this may sound confusing at first, try describing to a non-college fan how the Southeastern Conference came together and its relations to the other major conferences and how they all work together for a common goal.)

A recent Vulpine Reach gathering was held at GraceWorks Church. Entitled “Glad Tydings”, the event was billed as a day of “feasting and fun”.

An English and Mediterranean feast was offered, a Continental Collegium was held to teach many of the arts and sciences of the era, and the evening ended with an Italian Ball. And yes, there was some fighting, harkening back to that first backyard party in Berkeley.

Lord Guntram von Köln, the Autocrat of the event, also serves as the Herald for Vulpine Reach.

“I help people to represent themselves,” he explains.

“That means I help them discover a unique name that is authentic to the medieval period as well as their device, their coat of arms.”

Köln, known less formally to his friends and family as Jeff Combs, has been involved with the SCA for more than 20 years. He discovered the group through a church friend, and immediately felt at home. “I love history, I love the people, and it is fun. I also like

the fact that it is worldwide. I started in Arizona and when I moved to Chattanooga, I found I found myself playing the same game, with the same rules, but in a new location.”

Like everyone else we spoke with, Köln was quick to point out there was far more to the SCA than merely play fighting. “There are a lot of things that can grab your interest beyond fighting, such as arts, history, or learning to make a variety of things. It is also a path to self-discovery. Along the way, you find out a lot about who you really are.” He says that they invite all potential members to “discover themselves through the looking glass of history.”

The Honorable Lord Richard Fenwick, a Baron of the Meridies Court, has been active in local and regional SCA activities for 34 years. He discovered it through college friends, who know him as Ken Scott, a cameraman and videographer who has worked for a local television station for decades.

Fenwick says that he was attracted to the emphasis the Society places on honor and chivalry, and also was intrigued by the opportunity to create a historical “identity”. He has two primary duties, that of historian for Vulpine Reach and as a squire to Sir Ian Stewart MacDonald.

“As squire to Sir Stewart,” Baron Fenwick elaborates, “my duties are to attend to him when we are together and to fight in his company and to comport myself with dignity and chivalry.” A lifelong fascination with both heavy sword and light rapier fighting drew him to the SCA and has kept him involved ever since. “The SCA is a terrific place to learn a wide variety of skills and develop talents.

The things we do, we do for our own enjoyment and to make it easy for others to enjoy it, too. We are amateur historians, not professional performers. The SCA is an organization that either you ‘get’ or you don’t. ‘Give us a try’ is all we ask.”

Another aspect of the SCA is that it involves as many women as it does men. Nearly a quarter century ago, Diane Walker saw a television commercial made by Ken Scott about the group which piqued her interest. She then attended Chattacon, the longrunning local science-fiction convention, where

“There are a lot of things that can grab your interest beyond fighting, such as arts, history, or learning to make a variety of things.

It is also a path to selfdiscovery. Along the way, you find out a lot about who you really are.”

Weekly SCA Meetings and Fighter Practices The Shire of Vulpine Reach invites anyone who is interested in learning more about the group to attend any of their regularly scheduled meetings.

• First Monday: Business Meeting — This is where they plan upcoming events and activities while Shire officers and teams report on their projects.

• Second Monday: Dance Practice and Social Gathering — Come out and learn to dance the Renaissance way or just to hang out with fellow shire members.

• Third Monday: Arts and Sciences Night —

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Enjoy fascinating classes and discussion groups about subjects such as blacksmithing, equestrianism, glassblowing, performing arts, heraldry, and much more.

• Fourth Monday: Mix Night — A grab bag of activities, discussion groups, and fun.

• Sunday Afternoons — Heavy armored combat and rapier (fencing) combat practices.

Check their web site at www.vulpinereach.org for specific times and locations for each event. The public is always welcome to attend.

Chattanooga's Weekly Alternative

Cover Story

Vulpine Reach was holding a gathering, and has been involved ever since.

She is now known within the group as Lady Diana Fiona O’Shera, and rather modestly describes her main responsibility as the keeper of the “loaner” costumes that are kept for new members who have yet to make (or purchase) their own era-appropriate garb.

She says what really drew her to the SCA wasn’t a love of the history of battles or countries, but an interest in how people lived in the era. “Since I love crafts, a large part of the fun for me is that it gives me a reason to learn and practice a wide range of skills I’d probably not find enough of an excuse to explore in the normal way of things.

Pewter casting, for instance, or cooking medieval recipes,” she explains. “It’s a great way to learn about the Middle Ages, of course, so it’s quite educational.

But it’s a lot more fun for many folks to learn history by living it than by simply studying it in a book.”

One of the main problems that Lady O’Shera, like so many other members of the group have found, is that people confuse the SCA with the popular Renaissance Festivals held around the country. “A lot of folks expect us to be similar to a Renaissance Fair, where they can come to be entertained. But we aren’t putting on a performance for the public as a rule; we usually are hosting private gatherings for our members.

More like the Civil War re-enactors, but usually in even less public places.”

Another Lady we spoke with is Lady Keina de Fierins, known outside the Society as Jessica Hamilton. She’s been active for more than a decade, “off and on” as she admits. A good friend of hers who is involved with Thor’s Mountain, an SCA group in Knoxville, told her about an event that fell on her birthday, so she decided to celebrate her birthday there. “I had such a blast I kept coming back,” she says simply.

“I am deputy to the local herald of the group,” explains Lady de Fierins.

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“My duties are voice heraldry. That consists of heralding upcoming fights on the field, court, and wake-up calls, basically anything that requires you to raise your voice to get the populace’s attention. I also help the herald with device construction and name submissions. When you are a member, you are able to have arms, especially if you have received your Award of Arms, and your name submission. A device in the SCA is a visual signature of your name.”

One of the things she loves most is that SCA is not beholden to one ultra-specific era. “The society spans centuries, so your options are wide open to pick from. We do try to reenact the medieval times era as close as possible, but within the scope of the 21st century.

We creatively reenact.”

As with any group, learning the positions and titles can often be confusing for newcomers (or reporters).

The leader of the local shire holds the title of “Seneschal”, a title once held by John Chapin under his SCA nom-de-plume of Thorarinn Smior Grjotgardhsson. Grjotgardhsson discovered the SCA through a coworker a dozen years ago while living in Florida and quickly created a persona that, he says, would have been a Norse blacksmith and part-time raider.

“If you love history and reenactment, you can find someone to show you how to do just about anything they did in the past,” he notes. “From fighting, brewing, cooking, weaving or any other thing you’re interested in. It’s a living history group where you choose who you want to be from a wide area of time—anytime before 1600—and you can take it to any level you want to take it to, from just making a good attempt at your chosen persona to doing an exact recreation.”

And he notes with a smile that, unlike other re-enactment groups, “we don’t know who will win a battle until we fight it.”

March 11, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 10 | The Pulse

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Life in the Noog

By Chuck Crowder

Erin Go Braugh…Humbug I

f New Year’s Eve is considered amateur night for the occasional reveler, then St. Patrick’s Day has to be a close second. That’s the one day of the year when everyone feels they need to go have a drink with the friends they never see anymore or their coworkers to prove they’re a “team player.”

Since St. Paddy’s almost always falls on a weekday, the couple-timesa-year partier will likely belly up for his pint or two (at the most) of green beer right after work—around five o’clock. That means anyone who really wants to go out that night shouldn’t hit the pubs until about seven. By then, the work-a-day “likes to have a glass of wine with dinner” wild child will either be in line at the Krystal, or calling a cab.

Given that, it’s obviously not just the Irish who celebrate this glorious “holiday.” Or maybe it is. Who’d know? Through our mixed-up lineages of diverse family backgrounds marriedin-here and having-babies-there, we Americans are the purest breed of Heinz 57 known to man. That makes us all 1/10th Irish…and English, French, Scottish, African, Asian, Leprechaun.

But regardless of where we came from, America’s red, white and blue turns green for 24 hours in March and everyone must celebrate—with liquor.

Now, no one likes a cold refreshing adult beverage more than this McNoogan, but like all libation lovers I hate drinking holidays. That’s when the novices come out and incite road blocks for us all.

Almost as annoying is the fact that

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anywhere they would have spent their happy hour will be full of green and white Miller Lite banners, four leaf clover streamers and people wearing green plastic derbys that scream “look at me, I’m the driver you need to look out for on your way home.”

Irish pubs especially drive me bananas. The traditional folk songs about drinking, shillelaghs or somebody’s Irish rose are stout enough to drive you to too many lagers. You can go to an English pub and hear the Stones, Beatles or Kinks on the jukebox all day long. But in a true Irish pub, you’ll be lucky to catch Van Morrison, or even The Pogues. And God forbid they break out the U2. If it doesn’t have flute or fiddle then song be damned!

And good old Saint Patrick wouldn’t have it any other way. For, as the patron saint of inebriation, he proudly looks down on the lush green pastures and potato fields of his promised land each March and casts

a rainbow-gold glow of whiskey and grog on all good Irishmen.

I’ve never been to Ireland, but an exgirlfriend of mine lived there for a couple of years. She didn’t have a whole lot of good things to report back. It seems the constantly overcast skies and/or rain will drive you to the pub more often than you care to mention. Maybe that’s why she also said that despite what some might say, Guinness is by far the country’s biggest export as well as its most gracious supporter.

Seems in Dublin, it’s the Guinness Museum of Art, the Guinness Library, the Guinness Homeless Shelter, etc. and so on.

She also didn’t mention much about rolling fields of clover, or as we say on March 17, shamrock. Folklore has it that St. Patrick used its threeleaf sprouts to describe the holy trinity. I guess the rogue appendage of the occasional four-leaf variety was considered lucky because it meant a free round of shots or something like that.

But despite all of St. Paddy Day’s quirkiness and amateur tomfoolery, you’ve got to have a little respect for an annual tradition that wasn’t invented by the greeting card or floral industry and continues to inspire Chicago to color its normally brown inner-city river a healthy shade of green. So go ahead—erin go braugh from pub to pub and have some fun on Wednesday. Maybe we’ll run into each other…after seven of course.

“Through our mixed-up lineages of diverse family backgrounds married-in-here and havingbabies-there, we Americans are the purest breed of Heinz 57 known to man.”

Chuck Crowder is a local writer and general man about town. His opinions are just that. Everything expressed is loosely based on fact, and crap he hears people talking about. Take what you just read with a grain of salt, but pepper it in your thoughts. And be sure to check out his popular website www.thenoog.com

Chattanooga's Weekly Alternative

www.chattanoogapulse.com

March 11, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 10 | The Pulse

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Music Feature

By Chuck Crowder

Have Kazoo, Will Travel Imagine it’s

1970-something, and your parents have treated you to a night at Shakey’s Pizza.

Right there along with your substandard slice is something you hear for the very first time that you’ll forever equate with either this ill-fated eatery or maybe Six Flags/Dixieland jazz.

What is this strange music that mixes clunky Old-West piano with banjos and brass? It sounds like the animated cartoon of music. Then you see an old film from the silent era and hear that piano again. Or you catch some sort of vaudeville act where these two guys with hats and bow ties are playing stand-up bass and banjo, singing about weird stuff like old millstreams and petticoats.

Well, that’s what the Two Man Gentlemen Band is like. However, instead of singing about innocent niceties from the ’20s and ’30s, they’ve substituted lyrics about more modern subject matter—such as reefer, fancy beer and acts of affection enjoyed by two willing partners. And you know what? It’s fantastic.

You’d think by the above description that those in attendance might include some of your grandmother’s friends. But that’s not the case. In fact, this retrovaudevillian-swing sensation attracts everything from button-downs and khakis to nose rings and tattoos.

Even if the music doesn’t sound that appealing, the show is. Trust me.

Two guys. Andy Bean plucks antique banjos and four-string guitars so fast his life must depend on it, all the while handling harp and kazoo duties and singing harmonies with rockabillystyle, string-slapping stand-up bassist Fuller Condon. It’s flash-inthe-pan Tin Pan Alley at its best. But seeing is believing.

And when you do, “How,” (you will ask) “did these two gents end

up at the same thrift store buying flat-top straw hats and high-waisted pants at the same time?” Three years ago, this louder-than-acoustic duo was playing for tips in the subways of New York City. But nowadays, they’re touring the country with the likes of Bob Dylan and Willie Nelson. And on Sunday night, they’ll take the stage at JJ’s Bohemia right here in the ‘noog.

“This retro-vaudevillian-swing sensation attracts everything from button-downs and khakis to nose rings and tattoos.”

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Don’t expect a sit-down show observing the musical stylings of yesteryear, however. The Gents are consummate entertainers that’ll command your attention with not only their keen harmonies and exceptional musical prowess, but quick-witted improvised banter between themselves and the crowd,

foot-stomping shout-alongs and if that’s not enough—kazoos.

That’s right: Each audience member is issued a not-so-limitededition Two Man Gentlemen Band kazoo for use during several kazoo solos peppered throughout the show.

I should know. I have two of them.

But don’t take my word for it.

Come down to JJ’s Sunday night and check them out for yourself. And if you can’t make the show, pick up one of their half-dozen Serious Business Records CDs, including a new live record that captures as much of the experience of seeing the Two Man Gentlemen Band as you can get from a stereo speaker.

Hope to see ya there (and buy me a beer, it’s my birthday Sunday)!

Two Man Gentleman Band, Front Porch Regulars $7 10 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia

Chattanooga's Weekly Alternative

Music Calendar Highlights Friday

Thursday

Lucero, The Bohannons All hail cowpunk, indeed.

Worthy of every music palette. $15 9 p.m.

Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com

Send your calendar events to us at calendar@chattanoogapulse.com

Roger Alan Wade 7 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5840 Lake Resort Terrace.

(423) 870-0770.

Hundredth, In This Hour 7 p.m. The Warehouse, 5716 Ringgold Rd., East Ridge.

Acirema, Adelaide, Every Word a Prophecy, Everybody Loves the Hero 7:30 p.m. Club Fathom, 412 Market Street. (423) 757-0019.

Pink Cadillac 9 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055.

Hegarty, Deyoung 9 p.m. Mudpie Restaurant, 12 Frazier Ave. (423) 267-9043.

Infected, Dun Bin Had, Guystorm 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400.

Cornmeal, Slim Pickens Have you ever heard progressive bluegrass? You should. Now. $7 10 p.m.

Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com

Saturday

Washed Out, Small Black, Purple Asia, Pictureplane Three amazing electronic artists with a DJ. Don’t miss out. $7 7:30 p.m.

412 Market St., 412 Market Street. (423) 757-0019.

Monday Paul Longhorn’s 18 Piece Big Band 7:30 p.m. Lindsay Street Hall, 901 Lindsay St. (423) 755-9111 www.lindsaystreethall.com Karaoke/DJ 9 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5840 Lake Resort Terrace.

(423) 870-0770. www.bartslakeshore.com Karaoke 9:30 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com Knifey Spoonie 9:30 p.m. T-Roy’s Roadhouse, 724 Ashland Terrace. www.myspace.com/t-roys Dancing & DJing The Palms at Hamilton 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com

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Morgan Bayer 11:30 a.m. Mudpie Restaurant, 12 Frazier Ave. (423) 267-9043.

North American Free Royalty 6 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400.

Before There was Rosalyn, A Hero a Fake, Farewell to the Freeway, FTF, DTSL 7 p.m. The Warehouse, 5716 Ringgold Rd., East Ridge.

Fee, Merideth Andrews 7 p.m. Metropolitan Tabernacle, 2101 Shepherd Road.

Celtic Plain, St. Patrick’s Day early party 7:30 p.m. The Original Blue Orleans Restaurant, 3208 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 629-6538.

Camp Normal 9 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5840 Lake Resort Terrace.

(423) 870-0770.

Fearful Symmetry 9 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260.

Tijuana Donkey Show 9:30 p.m. T-Roy’s Roadhouse, 724 Ashland Terrace. www.myspace.com/t-roys Rick Bowers and the Majors 10 p.m. T-Bones Café, 1419 Chestnut Ave. (423) 266-4240.

Jordan Hallquist 10 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike. (423) 266-1996.

Nathan Farrow Band 10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878.

Left Lane Cruiser, The Unsatisfied 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia Dead Levy, The Riverhouse, 224 Frazier Ave. (423) 752-0066.

Sunday Cory Taylor Cox, Jeremy Campbell, Typefighter, Fox Chase Drive 7 p.m. The Warehouse, 5716 Ringgold Rd., East Ridge.

Sarah McQuaid 8 p.m. Charles and Myrtle’s Coffeehouse, 105 McBrien Rd. (423) 892-4960.

The Loose Skrews, Tone Deaf Pig Dogs, Random Conflict, Drop Dead Nasty, Poisonville Rats 8 p.m. Ziggy’s Hideaway, 607 Cherokee Blvd. (423) 634-1074.

Open Mic 9 p.m. Mudpie Restaurant, 12 Frazier Ave. (423) 267-9043. www.mudpierestaurant.com A.J. & The Bitter Lesson 9 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike. (423) 266-1996. www.tremonttavern.com

Husky Burnette 9 p.m. Rhapsody Café, 1201 Hixson Pike. (423) 266-3093.

The Woodgrains 9:30 p.m. T-Roy’s Roadhouse, 724 Ashland Terrace.

The Vaygues 9:40 p.m. Discoteca, 309 Main St. Roger Alan Wade 10 p.m. T-Bones Café, 1419 Chestnut Ave. (423) 266-4240. www.tboneschattanooga.com Nathan Farrow Band 10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com The Wrong Way 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644.

Wedding Afterparty, Surprise bands 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400.

Tuesday

Wednesday

Troy Underwood 6:30 p.m. Mudpie Restaurant, 12 Frazier Ave. (423) 267-9043. www.mudpierestaurant.com The Ben Friberg Trio 7 p.m. Table 2, 232 E. 11th Street, (423) 756-8253. www.table2restaurant.com Spoken Word/Poetry Night 8 p.m. The Riverhouse, 224 Frazier Ave. (423) 752-0066.

Open Mic 9 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike. (423) 266-1996. www.tremonttavern.com Tim Starnes 9 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5840 Lake Resort Terrace.

(423) 870-0770.

Univox 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia

Ben Friberg Jazz Trio 6:30 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market Street.

(423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Jason Isbell and The 400 Unit, The Cadillac Saints 9:30 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com Preston Paris, St. Patrick’s Day party 10 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055.

Daikaiju, One Shoe Untied, Ampline 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400.

DJ GOP The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055.

Two Man Gentleman Band, Front Porch Regulars Kazoos for everyone and Chuck’s birthday besides! $7 10 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia

Irish Sessions Music 6:30 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike. (423) 266-1996. www.tremonttavern.com Rick Rushing and the Blues Strangers 6:30 p.m. Mudpie Restaurant, 12 Frazier Ave. (423) 267-9043. www.mudpierestaurant.com Vanna, Armor for Broken 7 p.m. The Warehouse, 5716 Ringgold Rd., East Ridge. www.myspace.com/warehousetn Unspoken Triumph, Undying Darkness, Goatwhore, Enfold Darkness 7 p.m. Club Fathom, 412 Market Street (423) 757-0019. www.clubfathom.com Eric Brendo 9:30 p.m. T-Roy’s Roadhouse, 724 Ashland Terrace. www.myspace.com/t-roys

Editor’s Pick: Featured Event Of The Week

The Vaygues The ashes of The Bitter Pills have come together to give us The Vaygues, Knoxvillilian psych/garage explosion.

New band, new venue: Discoteca, Trippy bands that will invade your mind. And don’t miss out on the tacos!

Saturday, March 13 $4 to $5 9:40 p.m., Discoteca, 309 Main St.

March 11, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 10 | The Pulse

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The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 10 | March 11, 2010

Chattanooga's Weekly Alternative

New Music Reviews Small Black Small Black EP (Jagjaguwar)

“Sounds aren’t articulated and sharply defined, and there isn’t a great deal of frequency separation, causing everything to end up in a big, swirling maelstrom.”

Joanna Newsom Have One on Me (Drag City) One might view the latest Joanna Newsom album as an indulgent stunt.

Newsom’s astounding previous full-length album, Ys, was widely acclaimed, featuring lengthy, lyrically ambitious songs with extravagant arrangements by Van Dyke Parks. It’s tough to follow an album like that, and the two-hour, triple-disc Have One on Me could be seen as Newsom trying to outdo herself with sheer volume. It’s certainly a lot to swallow in one sitting, but patience is

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It is possible for a diligent and resourceful musician to create a professional-sounding recording in a modest bedroom studio, nowadays. Then, there are those who prefer to make no attempt to hide the fact that their recordings were made in a home studio, to maintain a certain cozy, unpolished appeal.

Small Black consists of the core duo of Ryan Heyner and Josh Kolenik, who recorded their debut EP in a Long Island attic, and it’s full of the sounds of electronic instruments that could have been thrift-store purchases. They’re shameless about it—some rhythm tracks unmistakably come from a Casio keyboard—but any novelty aspect of the release fades and is quickly overshadowed by the tunes themselves.

The opening track, “Despicable Dogs,” weaves keyboard melodies that are gingerly distorted, as if to intentionally sculpt sounds that might never be precisely recreated.

In a way, it could be an econo, hazy combination of ’90s noise-pop with early synth-heavy material by the Magnetic Fields, and it doesn’t overextend itself, using a tried-andtrue pop song structure and saving its best vocal hook for the chorus.

The recording style is crucial to Small Black’s sonic identity; sounds aren’t articulated and sharply defined, and there isn’t a great deal of frequency separation, causing

everything to end up in a big, swirling maelstrom. “Weird Machines” is a heavier number, with a fuzz guitar anchor and simple, layered note patterns, and an easy trick that works for the band is having instruments drop out of the mix at various times, to emphasize their presence when they re-emerge. Shoegaze fans might be drawn to tracks like “Bad Lover” and “Lady in the Wires,” which have a few things in common with the more pop-oriented material by My Bloody Valentine.

The EP was self-released last October, and this reissue on Jagjaguwar appends two extra tracks, including the dual-personality, lowrent new wave track “Baby Bird Pt. 2.” Listeners who don’t already listen to this kind of stuff might not find the rough, homemade sound palatable, but for those in the club, it’s a satisfying release with overdriven goodness and hard-to-dislike melodies. — Ernie Paik Small Black will perform at 412 Market on March 13 with Washed Out and Pictureplane.

rewarded, as the songs steadily dig their way into the listener’s memory.

The gently coaxing Have One on Me is one of those albums that’s best savored with devoted attention, preferably while sitting in a comfortable chair, with the lyric booklet in hand and a warm beverage nearby. As a lyricist, Newsom is known for her quaint vocabulary, peppered with words about animals and arcane romance, and not many people these days can get away with a line like, “Her faultlessly etiolated fishbelly-face: the muzzle of a ghost.” But what might not be apparent is her meticulous care in crafting her words; the opening stanza of “Easy” is a brilliant example, with multiple rhymethreads, partially obscured by her vocal rhythms.

Newsom’s distinctive voice—nasal, clenched, and squeaky—seems to be a little less affected on Have One on Me, and most prominently, she reveals a rich, finely controlled vibrato. As

expected, many of the songs are built upon Newsom’s harp playing, and now she also plays the piano, with a discreet manner that sometimes dances freely on tracks like “Soft as Chalk.” She’s also branching out stylistically, beyond the quasi-Ren Fair/folk approach, and the gorgeous “Baby Birch” unfurls in an endearingly odd way, with startling percussion and muffled electric guitar skronks, followed by an Appalachian/ Irish hybrid.

The song arrangements feature a number of plucked and bowed strings, brass, winds, and percussion, but wisely, they’re rationed over the course of the album, making it not as orchestrally dense as Ys. The first disc of Have One on Me alone would make an impressive album, but having three discs worth of new, consistently excellent material is pretty awe-inspiring, with ample charms that gradually unveil themselves.

— Ernie Paik

March 11, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 10 | The Pulse

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Film Feature

A Filmic Potpourri seen in Chattanooga without the Independent Film Series.

See this one while it’s here at the Majestic through March 25.

• Like him or loath him, you cannot deny the uniqueness of director Tim Burton’s vision. There must be quite a few “likers”, as his Alice in Wonderland had one of the biggest openings ever last weekend.

However, reviews have not generally been kind, as in this comment in the New York Observer: “It might be time for Johnny Depp and Tim Burton to start thinking about seeing other people. Alice in Wonderland, their seventh film together, is so thoroughly soul-deadening and laborious that the prospect of an eighth collaboration feels like the sword of Damocles.”

Those who have liked it have praised the outrageous look, Danny Elfman score, and Helena Bonham Carter’s completely insane Red Queen.

By Janis Hashe

“Thanks are due to the Arts & Education Council for bringing in yet another superb work that would not be seen in Chattanooga.”

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W

ho knew there was a “Rumanian New Wave”? Well, there is, apparently, and surfing it is 34-year-old director Cornelieu Porumboiu. His Police, Adjective has received rave reviews from critics world-wide, two prestigious awards at Cannes, and the much-sought but elusive “buzz” among film buffs.

Described as a “black comedy,” Police, Adjective concerns a young policeman assigned to investigate the relatively minor case of three high school kids who are suspected of smoking and selling hashish. His sense of justice is evoked when he realizes that the punishment, if the kids are arrested, is likely to be far more “than fits the crime” under Draconian Rumanian law.

But this film is not in any way a traditional thriller, but more an exercise in philosophical and etymology, as the policeman engages in debates with his wife, and ultimately his superior, about what words mean and when.

Again, thanks are due to the Arts & Education Council for bringing in yet another superb work that would not be

• Keep your eyes open for March 19’s opening of Repo Men (not to be confused with the very good 1984 cult film Repo Man, starring Emilio Estevez). With an all-star cast, including Jude Law, Forest Whitaker and Liev Schreiber, this is another action film set in the future, but with an interesting twist.

As described in one preview: “In this future, humans have extended and improved their lives through highly sophisticated and expensive mechanical organs. The dark side of these medical breakthroughs is that if you don’t pay your bill, “The Union” sends its highly skilled repo men to take back its property...Former soldier Remy is one of the best organ repo men in the business. But when he suffers a cardiac failure on the job, he awakens to find himself fitted with the company’s top-of-the-line heart-replacement, as well as a hefty debt. But a side effect of the procedure is that his heart’s no longer in the job.”

Police, Adjective Rated R, Starrring: Dragos Bucur, Vlad Ivanov, Irina Saulescu Running Time: 113 minutes

Alice in Wonderland Rated PG, Starrring: Johnny Deep, Helena Bonham Carter Running time: 1 hour, 49 minutes

Repo Men Rated R, Starrring: Jude Law, Forest Whitaker, Liev Scheiber Running time: 111 minutes

Chattanooga's Weekly Alternative

New in Theaters

Also in Theaters

Green Zone

She’s Out of My League (New) Against all odds, an outrageously gorgeous girl falls for an average joe, much to everyone’s surprise.

Remember Me (New) Robert Pattinson and Emilie De Ravin are star-crossed lovers who struggle to deal with family tragedies that threaten their relationship.

Alice in Wonderland Director Tim Burton takes on the whimsical world of Alice, who embarks on a fantastical journey to find her true destiny.

Brooklyn’s Finest Richard Gere, Don Cheadle and Ethan Hawke are NYPD cops caught up in the violence and corruption of the gritty 65th Precinct.

The Secret of Kells An animated retelling of the provenance of one of Ireland’s most cherished artifacts, the ancient and magical Book of Kells.

Cop Out Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan are NYPD

Matt Damon is one of those actors who comes along every so often that has popular success as both a dramatic and comedic actor (Good Will Hunting, Dogma, Oceans 11)—and then takes an unexpected turn into action hero. His portrayal of Jason Bourne in the three Bourne movies was not only commercially successful, but also resonated with most critics who were both surprised and impressed with his dramatic chops as a modern-day action star. In Green Zone, he reteams with director Paul Greengrass (The Bourne Supremacy, The Bourne Ultimatum) in a taut military actionthriller as an Army officer who is forced to go rogue while searching for weapons of mass destruction in an unstable region.

Greengrass is at the top of his game, staging both adrenaline-laced action sequences and quiet dramatic moments with equal skill, while Damon brings a believable intensity to his role. It also helps that cinematographer Barry Ackroyd shows us an Iraq demolished by attacks that are often unjustifiable and captures the scenes with the stark intensity of a combat photographer. The conflict in Iraq has been dealt with in a steadily growing number of films in recent years, the most notable recently crowned Best Picture The Hurt Locker. Greengrass and Damon capture much of the intensity of

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that movie and add in several layers of moral and political ambiguity to create a very enjoyable film, although it will not be surprising to see it labeled among certain circles as an anti-war film. While it shouldn’t be seen as such, it does blur the lines between right and wrong and good and evil in a far more realistic way than many other, more jingoistic films have done in the recent past.

Starring: Matt Damon, Amy Adams Director: Paul Greengrass Rating: R

partners who find themselves up against a merciless, memorabiliaobsessed gangster.

The Crazies A picture-perfect American town is infected with a mysterious toxin that transforms the population into blood-thirsty killers.

Shutter Island Leonardo DiCaprio is a U.S. marshall investigating a murderer’s disappearance from a hospital for the criminally insane.

The Good Guy An ambitious young New Yorker wants it all: a good job, good friends and— often the trickiest of all—a good guy.

The Ghost Writer A writer agrees to complete the memoirs of the former prime minister, only to uncover some dark, dangerous secrets.

Celine: Through the Eyes of the World Celine Dion travels to five continents and 25 countries, putting on showstopping performances of some of her biggest hits.

The Wolfman Benicio Del Toro stars in the terrifying tale of an ancient, evil curse that turns the afflicted into werewolves when the moon is full.

Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief The Greek god Poseidon’s half-human son embarks on a fantastical quest to unravel a mystery more powerful than the gods themselves.

Dear John A soldier home on leave falls for a conservative college girl, but when he re-enlists, time and distance take a toll on the young lovers.

From Paris With Love John Travolta stars as a high-ranking U.S. agent who’s sent to France to stop a terrorist attack.

Edge of Darkness Mel Gibson is a veteran homicide detective who embarks on a dangerous mission to get behind the truth of his daughter’s murder.

March 11, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 10 | The Pulse

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On The Beat

By Alex Teach

Internalize Much?

S

o I’m watching a press conference on CNN in which a mayor, a police chief, and a sheriff from a mid-size city in Washington State are making an announcement on locating a young girl who had been reportedly abducted in a custodial kidnapping. It was an AMBER Alert that ended uneventfully, and like all cases where the victim is alive and unharmed, that means it had ended well. The bad guy had even gone to jail for what would likely be weeks or (fingers crossed!) months.

The mayor opened with statements expressing empathy for the family and praise for the professionalism of his police chief and the hard work that their men and women do tirelessly day in and day out. About their heroism and magnificence, and the opulent beauty of all things law enforcement when credit for its actions can be used for political gain so long as everything went absolutely, perfectly well. (The last bit wasn’t verbalized, but it’s implied since there are only two cases in the last century in which a municipality backed up an officer when a split-second decision went bad, despite a flawless prior record.

Hey, I don’t make the rules. Literally.)

He then began naming people for thanks as if receiving an Academy Award, and just like the Oscars, he began to well up with tears and speak in a choked voice. The onlookers applauded their approval, and the mayor handed over the podium to the police chief, but not without pausing to embrace him for a close, borderline-uncomfortable hug. Hey, “politics”. No big deal.

The police chief then began to talk, his hair perfectly coiffed, brass stars shining on both his shoulder epaulets and collars for added effect. He, too, espoused the endless toil of work that was law enforcement (day and night), the sunlight glistening on a brass whistle that air had never been blown through, hanging from an elaborate brass chain adorning his right breast pocket. But then as he began to give up the podium to the next speaker… the chief began also began to speak in a cracked voice, his eyes moistening with emotion. The crowd began a

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lighter applause, which then thinned further as the chief also felt the need to physically embrace the sheriff in his own mechanical and just-asuncomfortable way.

As with his predecessors, the sheriff gave his own podium-gripping dissertation on the conditional “wonderfulness” that is All Things Police, but now the eyes of the reporters and onlookers were officially glazing over at the shallow repetition that is symbolic of torch-passing equal credit time. Were it not for the distraction of the straining of his buttons on the thick khaki shirt he wore (apparently the issued uniform to old, fat, white sheriffs nationwide), people would have risked ignoring the Army marksmanship medals that served as exclamation points over his basketball-shaped potbelly. Then I’ll be damned…he, too, began to cry.

And as they concluded the press conference? All three slowly and mechanically hugged beyond the “grown son and father limit” yet again.

Was this a trick? Was there a punch line coming? Because to me, sober dudes don’t hug for five-to-ten seconds. They sure as HELL don’t openly weep when they do, either.

And above all? They do none of that crap when they’re dressed up as policemen (or “police-es” where I work), chiefs and sheriffs in particular.

We can’t catch criminals if it involves touching them, lest they be offended. If caught, they have to want to go to jail, or they can choose otherwise (“How ’bout a suspended, y’Honah?”). We can’t make the city leaders financially responsible...but we sure as hell can’t have police chiefs and sheriffs running around squirting tears all over the place.

Good LORD, America. What has happened to you? We went from smoking three packs a day and winning global wars with pure brute force and propaganda to our police leaders crying openly and crime running damn near rampant.

Coincidence? I think not.

Stop “getting in touch with yourself”. Quit “connecting with your emotions”. You’re the COPS, not a support group! You’re not there to make people feel good about themselves or become spiritually selfaware…you’re there to draw a line in the sand and say “DO NOT!” And you can’t do that if your mascara is

“We can’t make the city leaders financially responsible... but we sure as hell can’t have police chiefs and sheriffs running around squirting tears all over the place.” running, sweetheart.

Let me spell it out: Denial, repression, suppression and delusion are not necessarily tools of the trade, but they made our country great. The closer we get to “making ourselves happy” and being completely emotionally vulnerable, the further we get from effectively dealing with predatory and otherwise vicious people. The nozzleheads and the head-shrinkers can think that way, but not us. Not the police. Crime is hard enough to deal with as it is…but when you’re holding each other and shooting tears and snot while you do so does nothing for the aforementioned line in the sand. I’m not encouraging you to watch illegal dog fights daily, but damn.

Take notes, people. Crying is great for escaping punishment and getting to sleep, but little else. And damnsure not for news conferences.

Do I have to do everything myself around here? Am I, at last, the only one that cares enough…not to cry?

When officer Alexander D. Teach is not patrolling our fair city on the heels of the criminal element, he is an occasional student at UTC, an up and coming carpenter, auto mechanic, prominent boating enthusiast, and spends his spare time volunteering for the Boehm Birth Defects Center.

Chattanooga's Weekly Alternative

www.chattanoogapulse.com

March 11, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 10 | The Pulse

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Arts & Entertainment

Chattanooga Confidential

By Michael Crumb

“Dylan has produced quality film here in Chattanooga, and he is distributing it through the Internet, directly to an audience hungry for interesting movies.”

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The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 10 | March 11, 2010

A new thrill is emerging

from Chattanooga: Dylan Kussman’s noir webisode film The Steps airs on the Net in its initial arc of 10 installments.

With a new seven- or eightminute episode released each Friday, this film has the capability of reaching a worldwide audience with actors and locations from our Scenic City.

Large falling snowflakes accentuated the charms of our view across the river while Dylan spoke with passion about the need for “smart” cinema in our culture. Dylan explains how the true noir impulse

has devolved into thrillers and action remains, perhaps like the Western, as a stable, but challenging, film genre. films—films that don’t bother to be In other words, directors need not smart. produce these films unless they are The business side of the film prepared to offer something excellent. industry appears to have the upper The drive to create great film will hand. This situation reminds me continue to provide audiences with of the 1980s film business, when great work in difficult genres.

Hollywood first was capable The original films noir had a of making films look very good relationship with Italian neo-realist technically, no matter what sort of cinema, another genre that has hackneyed content they presented. disappeared, as the recent Gomorrah The current Academy Awards eloquently attests. Fellini, Bertulucci, reflect this as well, relegating fine and DeSica produced great film from artistic films in a wide variety of their own neo-realist perspectives, but styles to second place behind the academics have been all but blind to cute, the propagandistic and the American neo-realism, preferring to melodramatic. class everything outside of the studio Dylan certainly is not alone system in the commercial category of in his desire to create engrossing “independent film.” cinema. One can find excellent films Dylan Kussman’s The Steps regularly—some even get Academy promises to be a new entry into Award nominations, like the American neo-realist film, as well as breathtaking “kids’ film” Coraline. fi lm noir.

Its episodic presentation Still, Dylan has produced quality has precedent as well. Flash Gordon film here in Chattanooga, and he is was originally presented in episodic distributing it through the Internet, form. The real point here has to do directly to an audience hungry for interesting movies. As Lloyd Kaufman with creative drive. The packed-out premiere at CreateHere demonstrated recently emphasized at ConNooga, the studio system thwarts independent the enthusiasm Chattanoogans have for this project. films through its lock on distribution.

The cast did very well. I was The Internet can bypass this oligarchic particularly impressed by Robert obstacle, and has begun to establish Bass, Whit Davies and Kim Jackson. itself as a source for alternative work.

Remember also that Dylan’s character, I’m not really aware that film noir Charlie Madison (aka Ron Harlin), is ever stopped being produced, but not what he seems. However, the tone during the’90s, there was a strong that Dylan has presented, dark and push from academics to relegate the twisted, with black humor accents, noir film genre to a mere historical remains the real thing. Follow these category. Directors like Martin steps—if you dare.

Scorsese and Oliver Stone, along with a number of others, overwhelmed this The Steps academic strategy with a profusion Find webisodes at www.followthesteps.net of excellent noir films. Now noir Check the site for a contest to win a Dell.

Chattanooga's Weekly Alternative

A&E Calendar Highlights Friday

Thursday

String Theory at the Hunter Guitarists Randall Avers and Benoit Albert, “The Jellyfish Brothers”. $18 6:30 p.m.

Hunter Museum of Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 267-0968. www.huntermuseum.org

Send your calendar events to us at calendar@chattanoogapulse.com

Styleworks Marketplace 10 a.m. Chattanooga Convention Center, 1150 Carter St. (423) 648-1709.

AEC Spring Independent Film Series: That Evening Sun 1, 4, 7, 10 p.m. Majestic 12 Theater, 311 Broad St. (423) 826-2370.

AEC Spring Independent Film Series: The Last Station 1:20, 4:20, 7:20, 10 p.m.

Majestic 12 Theater, 311 Broad St. (423) 826-2370.

First Tennessee Family Fun Night 5:30 p.m. Creative Discovery Museum, 321 Chestnut St. (423) 756-2738.

Bach Concert 7:30 p.m. Center for the Creative Arts, 1301 Dallas Rd. (423) 209-5942.

Dervish: Live at Johnny Fox’s Documentary about a night of Irish music at a Dublin pub.

Free 7 p.m.

Mountain Music Folk School, 250 Forest Avenue. (423) 827-8906. www.mmfolk.com

Saturday

Peter Pan Humble Swan’s production of the beloved Barrie story. $16 - $25.50 2 p.m.

Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad Street.

(423) 642-8497. www.chattanoogaonstage.com

Monday Joseph Campbell Roundtable featuring Honora Foah 7 p.m. Grace Episcopal Church, 20 Belvoir Ave. (423) 894-5371.

Faculty Flute Recital 7:30 p.m. UTC Cadek Hall, 725 Oak St. (423) 425-4624.

“Speak Easy” Spoken word and poetry 8 p.m. Mudpie Restaurant, 12 Frazier Ave. (423) 267-9040.

“Themes of Identity” Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944. www.huntermuseum.org “It’s A Jungle Out There” Lookout Mountain Gallery, 3535 Broad St. (423) 596-6622. www.lookoutmountaingallery.com “Landscape: A Southern Perspective” Gallery 1401, 1401 Williams St. (423) 265-0015.

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Wild Ocean in 3D Noon, 1, 3, 4, 6, 7 p.m. IMAX Theater at the Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (800) 265-0695.

“It’s A Jungle Out There” opening reception 6 p.m. Lookout Mountain Gallery, 3535 Broad St. (423) 596-6622. www.lookoutmountaingallery.com Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus present “Illuscination” 7 p.m. McKenzie Arena, 615 McCallie Ave. (423) 266-6627.

AEC Spring Independent Film Series: That Evening Sun 7 p.m. Majestic 12 Theater, 311 Broad St. (423) 826-2370.

Antigone 7:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, Circle Stage, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534.

Pat Godwin 7:30, 10 p.m. The Comedy Catch & Giggles Grille, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com The Wizard of Oz 7:30 p.m. Colonnade Center, 264 Catoosa Cir. (706) 935-9000.

The Mystery of Flight 138 8:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. www.funnydinner.com “Talk Portraiture” Shuptrine Fine Art Group, 2646 Broad St. 423-266-4453. www.shuptrinefineartgroup.com Educational History Exhibit The Bethelem Center, 200 W. 38th St. (423) 619-0379.

“Icebergs and Moonwalks” Cress Gallery, UTC, 752 Vine St. (423) 304-9789. www.utc.edu/cressgallery

Sunday The Wizard of Oz 10 a.m. Colonnade Center, 264 Catoosa Cir. (706) 935-9000.

Mosaic Market 11 a.m. 412 Market St. (corner of 4th/Market) (423) 624-3915.

Wild Ocean in 3D Noon, 1, 3, 4, 6, 7 p.m. IMAX Theater at the Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (800) 265-0695.

Daniel Liam Gill and Sandra Shannon artist demonstration 1 p.m. My Color Image Boutique and Art Gallery, 330 Frazier St. (423) 598-6202.

Artist Critique 2 p.m. Hunter Museum of Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944.

Antigone 2:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, Circle Stage, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534.

Mystery of the Nightmare High School Reunion 6 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839.

The Wizard of Oz 7:30 p.m. Colonnade Center, 264 Catoosa Cir. (706) 935-9000.

Pat Godwin 7:30, 10 p.m. The Comedy Catch & Giggles Grille, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233.

The Red Neck Italian Wedding 8:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839.

Vicki Daniel White Studio 2/Gallery 2, 27 W. Main St. (423) 266-2222.

“More than Words” River Gallery, 400 E. Second St. (423) 265-5033.

“Eye of the Beholder” Asher Love Gallery, 3914 St. Elmo Ave. (423) 822-0289.

Tuesday

Wednesday

Arts Chatt 5 p.m. Public House, 1110 Market St. (423) 756-2787.

Classic Literature Book Club: Emma 6 p.m. Rock Point Books, 401 Broad St. (423) 504-0638. www.rockpointbooks.com Flicks from the 70’s: The Spirit of the Beehive 6:30 p.m. Chattanooga-Hamilton Bicentennial Library. 1001 Broad St. ( 423) 757-5310. www.lib.chattanooga.gov “Millennial Classicism: Recent Modern Monumental Oils” by Daniel Swanger Mosaic Gallery, 412 Market St. (423) 320-6738.

Metal Sculpture by Julie Clark In-Town Gallery, 26A Frazier Ave. (423)267-9214. www.intowngallery.com

City Share Lecture Series: “The Contribution Revolution” Noon. Create Here, 55 E. Main St. (423) 648-2195.

Mary Ferris Kelly Linda Woodall Fine Arts, 7836 Ooltewah-Georgetown Rd. (423) 238-9985.

AEC Spring Independent Film Series: Police, Adjective 1 p.m. Majestic 12 Theater, 311 Broad St. (423) 826-2370.

African Adventure in 3D 2 p.m. IMAX Theater at the Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (800) 265-0695.

“Twenty American Etchings” Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944.

2009 UTC Feinstein Arts Scholarship Exhibition Cress Gallery, UTC, 752 Vine St. (423) 304-9789.

Antigone Youth Theatre production of classic Greek tale. $7 - $9 2:30 p.m.

Chattanooga Theatre Centre, Circle Stage, 400 River Street.

(423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.com

Peter Pan 2 p.m. Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad St. (423) 757-5050. www.chattanoogaonstage.com Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus present “Illuscination” 2 p.m. McKenzie Arena, 615 McCallie Ave. (423) 266-6627.

Pat Godwin 8 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com Daniel Liam Gill and Sandra Shannon Exhibition My Color Image Boutique and Art Gallery, 330 Frazier St. (423) 598-6202.

“Sister City” by Elizabeth Turbergen Association for Visual Arts, 30 Frazier Ave. (423) 265-4282. www.avarts.org

Editor’s Pick: Featured Event Of The Week

Police, Adjective One of the most critically acclaimed films of the year and a double prizewinner at Cannes. The “dryly funny” film concerns a young undercover cop who undergoes a crisis of conscience when he is pressured to arrest a teenager who offers hash to classmates. The Romanian director, Cornelieu Porumboiu, is considered by many “one of the most exciting new talents in European cinema”.

Majestic Theatre, 215 Broad Street.

(423) 265-5220. www.carmike.com

March 11, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 10 | The Pulse

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Chattanooga's Weekly Alternative

The Pulse • Dining Out Spotlight

TGI Friday’s: Where the Party Never Stops

by Colleen Wade

Thank…God…It’s…Friday’s.

Nearly everyone has eaten at a TGI Friday’s at some point in their life. They’re everywhere—from the company’s most popular location (historically speaking) at Haymarket Leicester Square in central London to the oldest location, still operating in Louisville, KY, to our very own location downtown next to the Tennessee Aquarium.

TGI Friday’s, or Friday’s to its friends, is a feel-good place— mix Cheers with (insert college name here) Supper Club, add a dash of panache, and there you have it!

While there, you’ll notice memorabilia on the walls. Lots of musical memorabilia—record covers of the Rolling Stones, The Beatles, The Doors. Sport memorabilia can be found there—BMX bikes, skateboards. Not that uncommon in the world of casual dining anymore, but what you’ll find unique is that in every Friday’s, no matter where the location, there are two items carefully displayed in the bar area. According to assistant manager, Mark Garrett, “I will tell you some distinguishing things you see in every Friday’s. At the bar, you will see a propeller, which represents the driving force of Friday’s. You’ll see that propeller in every Friday’s you go in. Also you will see the boat, the rowing boat. You will see one of those in every Fridays as well.

It represents teamwork, all of us working together as they do in the boat. You have to row together to reach a destination.”

You see, Friday’s is all about teamwork and unity. Oh, yeah—then there’s

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encouraging all their team members to express their individuality. “Friday’s is known for its flair behind the bar, lots of crazy, unique uniforms,” says Garrett.

“You know, the staff having a lot of fun and being a little loose—not as tight as some of the other places, so it’s just a fun place to come.” Of Friday’s, Garret explains, “It’s unique. It’s not your typical quiet, romantic spot. It’s a place where it’s going to be fun. People are going to have fun. The music’s going to be a little loud, but kind of setting the tone of the atmosphere where you can come in and it’s, like, ‘Wow, is there a party going on.’

Friday’s is about fun.”

So while you’re there having fun, cozy up to the bar and order a new Ruby MoTea-To (Jeremiah Weed Sweet Tea Vodka, ruby red grapefruit nectar and lemonade, shaken fresh mint), or a Pink Punk Cosmo (SKYY vodka, cranberry juice, pineapple juice, and fresh squeezed lime, poured over a fluff of cotton candy). If fancy

designer drinks are not your style, how about $2 domestics?

Sounds great, right? $2 domestics draughts and bottles, all day, every day. So whatever you choose to wet your whistle with, you’ll find it at Friday’s.

If it’s a nibble you’re after, try the Jack Daniel’s Chicken Sandwich—grilled chicken basted in Jack Daniel’s glaze and topped with bacon, mixed cheeses, Cajun onion straws, lettuce, tomatoes, pickles and Jack Daniel’s mayo. Needing more sustenance? How about some Honey Pecan Salmon—a fire-grilled, cedar-smokeseasoned Norwegian salmon filet with pecan honey butter, topped with glazed pecans and served with slow-cooked coconut jasmine rice and broccoli? Not your thing? Gourmet Mac n’ Five Cheese might be what you’re looking for—a rich and creamy, mouthwatering blend of Fontina, bleu, Gruyere, white cheddar and Parmesan tossed with crispy bacon and penne pasta.

Maybe it’s just a sweet tooth craving you need fulfilled. M’mmm m’mmm m’mmm— Chocolate Peanut Butter Pie—peanut butter graham cracker crust, filled with layers of chocolate ganache and decadent peanut butter mousse topped with whipped cream and a peanut butter cup.

Whatever you’re looking for, be it good food, good drinks, or just plain good fun, you’re sure to find it at TGI Friday’s, where every day is like Friday.

TGI Friday’s, 2 Broad Street, downtown.

Sunday – Thursday, 11 a.m. – 1 a.m. and Friday and Saturday, 11 a.m. – 2 a.m.

(423) 752-8443. www.tgifridays.com

March 11, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 10 | The Pulse

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Spirits Within

By Joshua Hurley

It’s a Bird, It’s a Plane— It’s Super Tuscan!

Every year, the esteemed critics of Wine Spectator select 100 wines from around the world that they consider to be the very best. The annual list for 2009 contained three wines available in the Chattanooga area. All three are on sale at Riley’s Wine and Spirits. Perhaps you remember Stump Jump Shiraz, a Great Buy from last month. Stump Jump ranked 82 on the list. For this week’s Great Buy, we’ve chosen the second wine on the list, Monte Antico Toscana 2006—number 61. Great Buys is where Riley’s Wine and Spirits on Hixson Pike in Hixson picks a favorite from our large selection of wine and spirits from around the world and shares it with the readership of The Pulse.

Monte Antico is a winery located in Central Italy’s Tuscany growing region. This is the same area that produces the world famous chianti wines. Tuscany’s principal red wine grape is sangiovese, which got its name from the Latin sanguis Jovis—blood of Jupiter. This grape originated in Tuscany and even predates the Romans. If you like chianti, then you’ll love sangiovese.

Italian wine laws known as Denominazione di Origine Controllata (DOC) specify that to be called “chianti”, the wine must contain at least 70 percent sangiovese and be grown within certain designated parameters and made according to certain standards.

In the late 1970s, the Italian wine industry was experiencing a decline in business. Wine producers blamed the government’s DOC standards that deemed “approved” chianti wines of higher quality than those unapproved.

This, of course, was only a myth, but a damaging one nonetheless.

Consumers thought that the DOC’s pink stamp on the neck of a chianti bottle made it better than one without it. It was in this confusion and climate of sagging wines sales that “Super Tuscans” were born.

Super Tuscans are high-quality wines made from grapes grown in the Tuscan wine region—but made outside of the DOC or DOCG wine classification system: aging in small oak barrels, and blending sangiovese

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The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 10 | March 11, 2010

Free Will Astrology PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): I used to have an acupuncturist who, as she poked me with needles, liked to talk about her understanding of Chinese medicine. Once she told me that every human being needs a “heart protector,” which is a body function that’s “like a holy warrior who serves as the queen’s devoted ally.” But the heart protector is not something you’re born with. You’ve got to grow it by building your fortitude and taking care of your body. I think the heart protector will be an apt metaphor for you to play with in the coming weeks, Pisces. It’s going to be an excellent time for you to cultivate any part of your life that gives your heart joy, strength, peace, and integrity ARIES (March 21-April 19): Sarah Bernhardt (1844-1923) was called “the most famous actress the world has ever known.” She did a few films in the early days of the cinema, but most of her work was in the theater. At age 70, she played the role of the 13-year-old Juliet in Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet. I commend her on her refusal to act her age, and recommend that you make a comparable effort in the coming weeks. For example, if you’re in your twenties, try something you thought you wouldn’t do until you were at a very ripe age. If you’re over 50, be 25 for a while.

It’s an excellent time to do this kind of timetraveling.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): You might have to use primitive means to accomplish modern wonders. It may be necessary to hearken back to what worked in the past in order to serve the brightest vision of the future. Take your cue from Luis Soriano, a saintly teacher who carries a library of 120 books on the back of a donkey as he meanders around the back country of Columbia, helping poor kids learn how to read.

with non-DOCG grape varieties such as cabernet sauvignon and merlot.

Super Tuscans boosted Italy’s sagging wine industry and gave consumers more wines to choose from.

Monte Antico, which translates into “ancient mountain”, is located at the foothills of Tuscany’s towering mountains and was founded in 1972 by husband-and-wife team Neil and Marie Empson, who have since gained a reputation of crafting wines reflecting the reverence of Tuscany’s finest traditions of winemaking.

Their Toscana wine is made from hand-selected sangiovese, cabernet sauvignon and merlot grapes grown 450 meters above sea level in the foothills of Monte Antico. After pressing, the juice ferments for seven days in stainless steel vats. It is then aged for one year in small oak barrels.

Upon bottling, the wine ages six more months before shipping around the world.

Toscana 2006 is ruby red in color.

Aromas of leather, earth and herbs give over to a lush, full-bodied palate containing blackberries, licorice and plums followed by a soft, spicy finish.

Wine Spectator awarded Toscana 2006 by Monte Antico 90 points, ranking it number 61 of the 100 best wines released in 2009. It is on sale at Riley’s for $11.23 per bottle ($12.99 regular price).

Cheers!

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Humans have been baking and eating bread for at least 5,000 years. But it wasn’t until the 20th century that anyone figured out a fast and easy way to cut it into thin, precise pieces. Then Otto Rohwedder, who had been working on the project for 16 years, produced a machine that cut a loaf into individual slices. I bring him to your attention, Gemini, because I think you are in a phase of your life when you could very possibly create an innovation that would be as intimately revolutionary as Rohwedder’s was for the masses.

In fact, why aren’t you working on it right now?

CANCER (June 21-July 22): In order to heal deep-seated problems, people may need to engage in long-term psychotherapy, patiently chipping away at their mental blocks for many years. But some lucky sufferers get their neuroses zapped virtually overnight, either with the help of a monumental event that shocks them out of their malaise or through the work of a brilliant healer who uses a few strokes of kamikaze compassion to creatively destroy their deluded fixations. I think you’re now a candidate for this type of correction, Cancerian.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): To discover the most useful truths, you will have to peek behind the curtains and root around to see what’s cloaked in the dark and maybe even explore messes you’d rather not touch. What complicates your task is that the fake truths may be extra loud and shiny, distracting you from the down and dirty stuff with their relentless come-ons. But I have confidence in your ability to outmaneuver the propaganda, Leo. You shall know the hype, and knowing the hype will set you free.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): The evil geniuses of the advertising industry are hard at work in their labs dreaming up seductive new mojo to artificially stimulate your consumer lusts.

Meanwhile, the media’s relentless campaign to get you to believe in debilitating fantasies and divert you from doing what’s really good for you has reached a fever pitch. And here’s the triple whammy: Even more than usual, some of your relatives and cohorts are angling to convince you that what pleases them is what pleases you. So is there any hope that you will be able to hone in on what truly excites you? (It’s especially important

By Rob Brezsny

that you do so right now.) The answer, in my opinion, is a qualified yes—IF you’re willing to conduct intensive research into the idiosyncratic secrets of what makes you happy; and IF you’re not scared to discover who you are when you’re turned on all the way.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): If you were living in Greece in the fifth century B.C., I’d urge you to bathe in the healing spring at the shrine of Asklepios in Athens. If you were in 19th-century France, I’d recommend that you trek to the sacred shrine at Lourdes—being sure to crawl the last half-mile on your hands and knees—and sip from the curative waters there. But since you’re a busy 21st-century sophisticate and may have a limited belief in miracles, I’ll simply suggest that you visit the most interesting tree you know and spill a bottle of pristine water over your head as you confess your sins and ask the sky for forgiveness and sing songs that purify you to the bone.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): It’s quite possible that the nature of consciousness is in the midst of a fundamental transformation. The human race seems to be getting more empathetic, more compassionate, and even more psychic. Many of us are having experiences that were previously thought to be the province of mystics, such as epiphanies that give us visceral perceptions of the interconnectedness of all life. Even as some traditional religions lose members and devolve into cartoony fundamentalism, there are everincreasing numbers of intelligent seekers who cultivate a more discerning spiritual awareness outside the decrepit frameworks. If you haven’t been on this bandwagon, Scorpio, now’s a good time to jump on. If you’re already on board, get ready for an accelerated ride.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): This week you’ll be working overtime while you sleep.

Your dreaming mind will be playing around with solutions to your waking mind’s dilemmas.

Your ally, the wild conjurer in the ramshackle diamond-encrusted sanctuary at the edge of the deep dark forest, will be spinning out medicine stories and rounding up help for you. So of course you should keep a pen and notebook by your bed to record the dreams that come. I suggest that you also try to keep the first part of your mornings free of busy work so you can integrate the full impact of the nights’ gifts. And don’t despair if you can’t actually remember any of your nocturnal adventures. Their tasty after-images will remain with you subliminally, giving your logical mind an intuitive edge.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): There’ll be an abundance of unambiguous choices for you to make in the coming days. I’m not implying they’ll be easy, just that the different alternatives will be clearly delineated. To get you warmed up for your hopefully crisp decisions, I’ve compiled a a few exercises. Pick one of each of these pairs: 1. exacting homework or free-form research; 2. pitiless logic or generous fantasies; 3. precise and disciplined communication or heedless selfexpression; 4. grazing like a contented sheep or rambling like a restless mountain goat.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Among Eastern religions, some traditions preach the value of getting rid of your desires. To be righteously attuned to current cosmic rhythms, however, I think you should rebel against that ideal, and instead cultivate a whole host of excellent desires.

Use your imagination, please! Here are a few I highly recommend: a desire for a revelation or experience that will steer you away from becoming more like a machine; a desire for a fresh blast of purity from a primal source; a desire for an imaginary pet snake that teaches you how to be more playful with your libidinous energy; and a desire for a jolt of unexpected beauty that reminds you how important it is to always keep a part of your mind untamed.

Homework: Starved for good news? Weary of the nonstop barrage of misery foisted on you by the media? Check this out: http://bit.ly/ PronoiaNetwork

Chattanooga's Weekly Alternative

JONESIN’

By Matt Jones

“Who Wants Crabs?”

–we got ‘em right here!

Across 1 Luge, e.g.

5 Cindy Brady’s impediment 9 Large battery size 14 Auto racer Yarborough 15 Hydrox rival 16 Dog-___ (like some book pages) 17 Getting from ___ (achieving a goal) 18 Crabby holiday figure?

20 2010 Jude Law thriller 22 Small jazz combo 23 “___ Jacques” 24 “See ya” 25 Go off on a tirade 29 How some bonds are valued 32 2009 movie subtitled “The Rise of Cobra” 33 Crabby protest song?

38 Dangerous, as some driving conditions 39 Al fresco 40 Kal ___ pet foods 41 Crabby dogs?

44 Sewing machine inventor Howe 45 “Would you like to swing on ___...”

46 Guitarist Lofgren 47 Word before club or mail 49 “Robinson Crusoe” author Daniel 53 Long swimmers 55 Term that may trigger

an emotional response 57 Crabby villain?

61 Prefix in some drinks 62 It’s made letter writing a dying art 63 Come down 64 School whose mascot is Bruin Bear 65 2002 M. Night Shyamalan film 66 Has a right to 67 “Marketplace Money” radio host Vigeland Down 1 Wolf (down) 2 “See ya” 3 Get hitched quick 4 TV anchor Norville 5 Get the highest score, in golf 6 It was once ruled by a shah 7 Capitol Hill figure: abbr.

8 Word before break or training 9 Prefix meaning “onetenth” 10 Related to dietary intake 11 Memorable time period 12 ___ Alcindor, aka Kareem Abdul-Jabbar 13 Mormon gp.

19 “Beds ___ Burning” (Midnight Oil hit song) 21 Shower figures 24 “Percy Jackson & The

Olympians” actor Pierce 26 “Is this some kind of ___?”

27 Six-time All-Star Garciaparra 28 Frigid temperature range 30 Professor in Clue 31 ___Vista (search engine) 32 Lobbed weapon 33 Add more lanes to 34 Bacteria in some food poisoning 35 1976 Sally Field title role 36 They get the royal treatment 37 Fix a manuscript 42 Accesses gradually 43 It’s far from “a little off the top” 47 Swine ___ 48 Elroy’s dog 50 Friction, e.g.

51 Some exams 52 Ferber and Krabappel, for two 54 Letter-shaped building wings 55 Arcade game need 56 Coffee dispensers 57 Electric guitarist Paul 58 Big label 59 Couch ___ (recurring visual opener on “The Simpsons”) 60 Hem and ___

©2010 Jonesin’ Crosswords (editor@jonesincrosswords.com) For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle #0458.

www.chattanoogapulse.com

Joy Stick

By Jonathan Meyer

(Heavy) Rain On Me There are a number of reasons why video games are being compared more and more to movies. These comparisons often involve the amount of detail that goes into the design and structure of a game, the growing importance of a good story, and the acting that brings it to light. With this growth, video games are becoming a more diverse market. And with this diversity, companies are capable of taking risks in storytelling and presentation, allowing characters to be more multi-dimensional and personable than ever before.

A prime example of gaming’s growing maturity can be found in the Playstation 3 exclusive Heavy Rain. Heavy Rain can best be described as an interactive movie.

It’s a little like those old “chooseyour-own-adventure”stories, in the sense that every decision you make will affect the outcome for the characters, giving each play-through and each player a different ending.

The game takes many risks, one of which is the story. At its core, it is a suspenseful script that tasks the player with finding out who’s behind a string of murders perpetrated by “The Origami Killer”. You get to play out the events from the vantage point of four characters as they cross paths, gather information and pursue the killer.

Given the nature of the story, the developer has taken many precautions and steps in making you, as the player, more invested in the experience—which at times will make for some very hectic moments. Throughout the game you are able to hear the thoughts of the protagonists, if you so choose.

It is not a necessity. But it does give you insight into the character, and the situation at hand. This is one of the more subtle decisions they made as a studio—to allow you to get as much—or as little—information as you choose.

The game play is a little like a racing game. Strange comparison, I know. But you hold down R2 to walk and use the joystick to navigate the character. Individual actions are mapped out to the face buttons.

The actions will rarely be the same.

“It makes you question the trivial actions of other games by simply having heart—or rather by making the characters more bound to their actions.”

This is another substantial risk for the developer to take, but it’s one that pays off. There would be no other way to perform the number of varying activities this game asks of you with a set control scheme.

Heavy Rain is at odds with everything else coming out to date.

It makes you question the trivial actions of other games by simply having heart—or rather, by making the characters more bound to their actions. It’s not simply “aim gun, pull trigger”. It makes you question if it is morally right. And it is palm sweating at its finest.

A game like Heavy Rain deserves multiple plays. Having played to the end, and getting an ending that was satisfying (not to gloat, but I think I got the happy ending. Or the least sad ending). I couldn’t help but ask around and find out what decisions my friends have made. And so far, I haven’t heard the same ending twice.

Not only that but, with the different endings, and different routes, the reaction was still the same.

Amazing.

Play N Trade 5084 South Terrace, Suite 18. (423) 386-5996.

March 11, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 10 | The Pulse

29

Ask A Mexican!

By Gustavo Arellano

Cheddar and the Lizard King Dear Mexican, When I was in high school, everyone called the Mexican students like myself “cheddars.” I’m not sure where this originated from, or what it really has to do with Mexican culture. When I have asked other Mexicans what this means, they are not sure, either. “Cheddar packing” is a term used to describe a car full of Mexicans. I hope you can answer this for me—muchas gracias!

— Denver Doll Dear Cheddar, “Cheddar” in the context you heard it has nothing to do with the sabrosísimo cheese but is rather the Denver way to call a Mexican a wab—which is to say, it’s a regional ethnophaulism (otherwise known as an ethnic slur) used to deride Mexicans as wetbacks. It’s a mongrelized form of the word ‘chero, itself a contraction of the word ranchero, literally meaning a rancher but in Mexican Spanish also denoting someone from the countryside.

“Cheddar” is a prime example of how Mexican-hating is such an art form in the United States that it even has provincial variants—for instance, the “cheddar” of Chicago is “brazer” (short for bracero), nosotros in Orange County call our backwards Mexicans wabs, and cabrones in Oxnard, California deride wabby cheddars as TJs, the English acronym for Tijuana. “The number and nature of nicknames and particularly derogatory nicknames for particular ethnic groups in America is a reflection of the strengths of the ethnic conflicts in which they have been involved and the kinds of ill-feeling that such conflicts generate,” wrote Christie Davies in her 2002 study of ethnic humor, The Mirth of Nations. What’s most amazing about this American regional Mexibashing phenomenon is that these words find their most enthusiastic usage among the Mexican community.

30

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 10 | March 11, 2010

Even our intellectual giants play the juego—“What difference does it make, he was not anything but another brazer that could not speak English,” wrote Chicana author Sandra Cisneros in The House on Mango Street, her classic semi-autobiographical novel of fictional vignettes about growing up Mexican in Chicago. Everywhere the Mexican travels with his trusty burro to lecture, he asks the audience what’s their version of wab—and everywhere the Mexican goes, he learns a new anti-Mexican ethnophaulism.

So, gentle readers: what do ustedes call the unassimilated Mexicans—the wabs and brazers and cheddars—in your city or region? Please mention the slur and where it’s used, and please refrain from nationally used slurs like beaner, wetback, cockroach, Mexican’t, mexcrement, and Guatemalan. The more regional, the better, and I’ll print the best results in a coming columna!

Dear Mexican, In the Jim Morrison biography, No One Here Gets Out Alive, the authors relate how, when The Doors played Mexico, they were amazed how crazed the Mexican men were for The Doors to perform their song “The End.” It was explained to The Doors that Mexican men loved the part of the song where

Morrison sings of wanting to kill his father and f**k his mother. And, sure enough, when Morrison came to that part of the song in concert, the Mexican men in the audience loudly sang those murderous/incestuous lyrics themselves.

What’s that all about?!

— Curious Doors Fan Dear Gabacho, It’s not the Oedipus complex in us, contrary to what the Lizard King’s Mexican handlers told him—it’s the melodrama. Hombres love the camp inherent to machismo, from moaning out “Llorar y llorar” (“Cry and cry”) in the José Alfredo Jiménez classic “El Rey” (The King) or singing all the stanzas of the Sartrean ditty “Un Puño de Tierra” (A Fistful of Dirt) while clutching their compa’s shoulders to openly crying while hearing “Canción Mixteca.” Mexicans love The Doors for the same reason they adore ranchera singers—the combination of virility and vulnerability, the copious use of leather, and the great music masking hysterics.

By the way, gracias for accepting the Mexican love for The Doors and not dwelling on its seeming incongruity like so many gabachos do when they realize cheddars can like forms of music that don’t involve Spanish lyrics, tubas, or songs about cockfights.

“Mexicans love The Doors for the same reason they adore ranchera singers—the combination of virility and vulnerability, the copious use of leather, and the great music masking hysterics.”

Ask the Mexican at themexican@ askamexican.net, myspace.com/ocwab, facebook.com/garellano, youtube.com/ askamexicano, find him on, Twitter, or write via snail mail at: Gustavo Arellano, P.O. Box 1433, Anaheim, CA 92815.

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