The Pulse - Vol. 7, Issue 14

SPECIAL ECO EXPO ISSUE • TUESDAY, APRIL 13 • TRADE & CONVENTION CENTER

A Birder’s Eye View

By Daniel R. Jacobson

TUESDAY, APRIL 13 • TRADE & CONVENTION CENTER

FREE • News, Views, Music, Film, Dining, Arts & Entertainment • April 8, 2010 • Vol. 7 - Issue 14 • www.chattanoogapulse.com

President Jim Brewer, II

2010

Publisher Zachary Cooper Contributing Editor Janis Hashe News Editor Gary Poole Calendar Editor Kathryn Dunn Advertising Manager Rhonda Rollins Advertising Sales Rick Leavell, Leif Sawyer, Townes Webb Art Director Kelly Lockhart Graphic Design Jennifer Grelier Staff Photographer Louis Lee Contributing Writers Gustavo Arellano, Erik Bhatnagar, Rob Brezsny, Chuck Crowder Joshua Hurley, Daniel R. Jacobsen Matt Jones, Tara Morris, Ernie Paik Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D. Stephanie Smith, Alex Teach Colleen Wade Editorial Cartoonist Rick Baldwin Editorial Intern Jonathan Selby Copy Assistant Bryanna Burns Rocks The Casbah Josh Lang Contact Info: Phone (423) 648-7857 Fax (423) 648-7860 General E-mail info@chattanoogapulse.com Calendar Submissions calendar@chattanoogapulse.com Advertising advertising@chattanoogapulse.com The Pulse is published weekly and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publishers may take more than one copy per weekly issue. The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors.

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12 BEAK SEASON: A BIRDER’S EYE VIEW OF CHATTANOOGA

By Daniel R. Jacobson The region’s birds are as diverse as its people and topography. Around 326 different species of the 408 bird species documented in Tennessee have been recorded in Hamilton County and the nine surrounding counties that border it in Tennessee and Georgia.

feature stories 8 LIBERATING THE LIBERATORS

By Gary Poole “We were marching single file, one file on each side of the road. And all of a sudden we could smell the crematory. And immediately I realized what it was.”

16 SYMPONY GETS SHAGADELIC

By Stephanie Smith Hooray for Hollywood—where the films are grand, the stars are glamorous and the music is...groovy. The Chattanooga Symphony and Opera is bringing a concert to the Tivoli that will have fans of the Austin Powers franchise begging for more.

23 D) ALL OF THE ABOVE 1305 Carter Street Chattanooga, Tennessee 37402 Letters to the editor must include name, address and daytime phone number for verification. The Pulse reserves the right to edit letters for space and clarity. Please keep letters within 500 words in length.

The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on culture, the arts, entertainment and local news.

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By Tara Morris This week felt like I was attempting to pick a letter that, with luck, would allow me to pass a multiple-choice math test.

30 DOUBLE-DALING HIGH STAKES

By Janis Hashe Wildly successful pharmaceutical entrepreneur Albert C. Barnes was also an art collector with a golden touch: in the 1930’s, he began collecting primarily Impressionist artists, whose work was available at the time for a relative pittance.

news & views 7 11 18 27 28 38

PULSE BEATS SHRINK RAP SHADES OF GREEN ON THE BEAT LIFE IN THE NOOG ASK A MEXICAN

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EDITOON LETTERS TO THE EDITOR THE LIST CITY COUNCILSCOPE A&E CALENDAR MUSIC CALENDAR NEW MUSIC REVIEWS NEW IN THEATERS JOY STICK SPIRITS WITHIN DINING OUT SPOTLIGHT FREE WILL ASTROLOGY JONESIN’ CROSSWORD

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Editoon

by Rick Baldwin

The List The Eight Strangest and Unusual Japanese Chewing Gums 1) Bust Up Gum: Allegedly helps improves the size, shape and tone of a woman’s bust.

2) Sex Gum For Men: Who needs Viagra or Cialis when you can chew this gum that is made from plant testosterone?

3) Fuwarinka Scented Gum: Not only make your breath fresh, but also improves your body odor.

4) Xylish Platinum Mint Chardonnay: Gum that literally smells like wine. Probably not advisable to chew on the way home from the local tavern.

Letters to the Editor Coolidge Park Violence While the last reported incidents may have been way back in 2006 and 2004, how many problems have occurred at Coolidge Park that have gone virtually unnoticed by the police and the public as a whole [“Saturday Night’s All Wrong For Fighting”, Pulse Beats]?

Whether or not this is something that occurs on a regular basis, should it be excused so easily? The statement that Chief Cooper gave about it being more of a “flash mob” type of activity boggles the mind. I think, as does every single person I’ve talked to about this, that it’s time that the city and county governments as well as both police forces finally acknowledge that we do in fact have a serious gang problem here in the Tennessee Valley. And that it is high time that they do something about it.

Paul Wilson Wilcox Reality (and response) Alex, before you try to pass Chaudhari off as a poor business person there are four things to be considered.

1) There have been two convenience stores at Wilcox and Tunnel for at least twenty years. 2) The current price per gallon for a user the size of Kanku runs from $1.28 to $1.32 per gallon at the terminal, and it doesn’t cost $1.00 +/ gallon to transport it. 3) The markup on any alcoholic product prior to the

sin taxes is at a minimum 100%. How much beer/malt liquor do you think he sells? 4) Whatever amount he is paying off-duty officers is a 100% write-off as an extraordinary business expense. So how much is really coming out of his pocket?

Name withheld by request Alex Teach responds: 1) The two stores will have more shootings than the Kanku’s will come up with in the next five years. An off-duty officer paid by Kanku’s watched TWO people get shot on the lot of one of the stores last year. The incident received no such publicity. It was also not an election cycle. Coincidence?

2) Those aren’t the current prices I just pulled up, and you’re not posting how much it DOES cost to transport them, nor are you stating the taxes per gallon that go to the state, but I won’t argue the point. Lets increase my number 150% and say 25 cents a gallon profit. That’s $3-$4 dollars profit per car. Wow. 3) No, it’s not. I owned a store next to a bar and help regulate local night clubs, and the beer prices by distributors are perhaps 30% below store price.

The Sin Tax you describe is actually a sixth tier of taxes for the business (City sales, State sales, City property, County property/Personality tax, Franchise &

Excise, then the ABC taxes begin, and there are actually more). He sells a lot of malt, but again, do the math with the full facts.

4) Write-offs do not mean “reimbursements”. It lowers a tax bracket incrementally and he probably recovers 20% of that at most. Again, I owned a business, incorporated myself, and did my taxes.

I wonder if you’ve even been to the store; I have, and not just for the shootings. Besides the corrections though, my point was, whatever the profit, why should they shoulder the blame and be forced to spend $120K to do the City’s job and the job of the parents and unaccountable ‘tards shooting up the lot over litter being tossed inside their cars?

Alex Teach Wine In Grocery Stores Protect wine stores from competition [“A View On The Wine Wars”, Spirits Within]? No, sir! Let us consumers choose where to buy alcoholic beverages. Wine stores have the advantages Mr. Hurley’s last couple of paragraphs mention; let them rely on those advantages, and let law enforcement police Coolidge Park and Kanku’s instead of the aisles (and greeters) of Wal-Mart.

Andrew Lohr

5) Black Black Gum: Licorice, caffeine and niacin all in one stick that Jean-Claude van Damme was the spokesman for in Japanese TV ads.

6) Sparkle Ninja Chewing Gum: For those ninjas that want to stand out in a crowd, though that seems to be defeating the entire purpose.

7) Digi-Gum: Not really odd in flavor, but the Jerry Lewis “Nutty Professor”-like caricature on the package makes it stand out.

8) “Man Smell” Gum: Like the similar Fuwarinka Scented, but this one makes you smell all menthol fresh.

One can always count on the Japanese to come up with some of the strangest consumer products in the world...and some of the most creative.

Send all letters to the editor and questions to info@chattanoogapulse.com We reserve the right to edit letters for content and space. Please include your full name, city and contact information.

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Pulse Beats Haiti Earthquake Prompts Shawn McDonald Benefit Concert

Quote Of The Week:

A rundown of the newsy, the notable, and the notorious...

According to Lee University’s Upsilon Xi, “Estimates coming out of Haiti since the earthquake are truly staggering.

While it is difficult to obtain a concrete number on the number of people impacted by January’s 7.0 earthquake, the facts point to one thing. Every day in Haiti, a statistical horror story is being written. Approximately 1.2 million people are homeless and displaced in Haiti as a result of 200,000 homes being severely damaged or destroyed as a result of the quake. Even before the earthquake, Haiti’s domestic situation was a nightmare with 50 percent of children dying before the age of 15, unemployment at 70 percent, and access to doctors being limited to one doctor for every ten thousand people.”

Shocked by the complexity and immensity of the Haiti’s need, students from Lee University are aiming to combat the devastation by sponsoring a benefit concert to raise both money and awareness of the ongoing need. On April 24, Upsilon Xi service organization and Operation Compassion are teaming up to host nationally recognized singer and songwriter Shawn McDonald in concert at Lee. The goal is to raise $10,000.

McDonald has toured coast to coast, collaborating in songwriting with various artists including Switchfoot’s Jon Foreman, Marc Byrd, and Christopher Stevens, said spokesperson Jonathan Landis. “He’s known for lending his fluid, breathy rasp to intoxicatingly passionate spiritual anthems. His songs feature incredibly syncopated, stop-on-adime acoustic groove.”

But, “beyond enjoying McDonald’s musical talent on April 24 is an even

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“It’s a bit ambitious. I think it’s possible, but it’s going to take a change of heart from a lot of folks.”

—Chattanooga Mayor Ron Littlefield on his plans to merge city and county law enforcement into one agency run by Hamilton County Sheriff Jim Hammond.

greater opportunity,” said Landis. Operation Compassion, which was ranked in the Top 3 most efficient philanthropic organizations in the nation by Forbes Magazine, will be receiving every dollar from the Help for Haiti Concert.

“For every dollar in proceeds and donations, Operation Compassion is able to provide $88 dollars in wholesale goods to desperate Haitian families,” said Landis. “Put into a mathematical perspective—with a packed house—the Help for Haiti Benefit Concert is poised to facilitate the delivery of over $800,000 in wholesale goods to this destitute nation.

The Help for Haiti Benefit Concert will be held in Cleveland, TN at the Lee University Conn Center, April 24, 6 p.m. Tickets are $5 and are available at the door. For more information, e-mail haiti.upsilon@gmail.com.

CreateHere Offering $125,000 In Arts Grants CreateHere is pleased to announce the online applications for the 2010 MakeWork Arts Grants program will be available Friday, April 9. MakeWork provides financial assistance to innovative artists and artisans within a 50-mile radius of Chattanooga. Applicants may apply for up to $15,000 in one of three grant categories: career advancement, studio assistance, and project grant.

This year, CreateHere will offer up to $125,000 in grant monies through this unique approach to community development. MakeWork grants provide a financial stimulus that invigorates Chattanooga’s creative community. The bottom line is that Chattanooga is a place that values creativity and innovation.

MakeWork is now in its third year. Last year’s grant winners represented fashion design and digital media, metalsmithing and music. Their work has already had a powerful impact on the community, by documenting local character, and engaging the public with performances, discussions, and showcases.

It’s clear that creative individuals have an impact on Chattanooga. Local artists in our community are a force for growth in the local economy. CreateHere’s MakeWork grants reinforce the value of this unique sector of the workforce and build their ability to help shape Chattanooga as an emerging creative economy.

For more information on MakeWork, visit www.createhere.org

Here is one of the more interesting agenda items set to be discussed at the April 14 meeting of the Chattanooga City Council.

4. b) Election of Officers.

Every year, the city council elects from their own a Chair and a Vice-Chair to lead the council and set committee assignments. The current Chair is Jack Benson, while Manuel Rico has served as ViceChair for the past year.

While it is somewhat traditional for the Vice-Chair to be elected as the next Chair, one thing media observers have learned about this current council is that nothing is ever set in stone, especially tradition.

However, Rico is in his third term on the council and understands the workings of the body and the committees. As for who will run for the Vice-Chair slot, technically any member of the council is eligible.

So far, everyone has been very tight-lipped over who is planning on tossing their name into the hat, so we’ll also just have to wait until next Tuesday to find out.

The Chattanooga City Council meets each Tuesday at 6 p.m. in the City Council Building at 1000 Lindsay St. For more information on the agendas, visit www.Chattanooga.gov/City_ Council/110_Agenda.asp

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Beyond The Headlines

Liberating the Liberators

By Gary Poole

“No one appears to have recognized that the liberators were the only non-European witnesses to the Holocaust, that they had a powerful story to tell about the final six weeks of the war.”

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“We were marching single file, one file on each side of the road. And all of a sudden we could smell the crematory.

And immediately I realized what it was.

It was a horrible, horrible odor that was so bad that first I tried not to breathe, and then you can’t go very long doing that, so finally I started breathing as lightly as I could until I more or less got used to it.”

For PFC James Dorris, a Chattanooga boy who had been drafted after his freshman year at the University of Chattanooga, the events surrounding his fist view of the infamous Dachau concentration camp on the morning of April 29, 1945 are as clear today as they were those many years ago.

He and his fellow soldiers in the 222nd Regiment of the 42nd Infantry Division had come face to face with one of the worst evils ever committed by humanity. “I looked inside, and there was a long row of naked bodies lying on the ground, about maybe fifty feet from me, and on the other side, toward the prison houses, was about two hundred, two hundred fifty prisoners

standing there, just looking at me,” Dorris recalled. “[There were wearing] all kinds of rags that supposedly were uniforms, prison uniforms, and some of them in real bad shape. Not saying a word. Doing nothing but looking at me.”

Dorris’s tale is but one of hundreds of often chilling, heartbreaking but ultimately exalting stories of ordinary soldiers from all across the country who banded together to not only defeat a great military threat to the entire world, but to battle for something much deeper—the very soul of humanity.

As the 65th anniversary of the liberation of the Nazi death camps approaches—Holocaust Remembrance Day is honored on April 11 each year— historian and author Michael Hirsh has published an intimate look at the common men who had come from farms and factories, cities and small towns, to places such as Dachau.

A Peabody Award-winning documentary producer, Hirsh, who served in combat in Vietnam, turned to the printed page to bring an unforgettable view of the last stages of World War II in Europe with The Liberators: America’s Witnesses to the Holocaust. The book is honestly very difficult to read, not because of the prose (which is clear and concise without unnecessary flowery flourishes), but because of the subject matter itself.

The veterans, like Dorris, do not hold back on the savagery they discovered.

For every story of heroism, such as the story of LeRoy Petersohn, who rescued a three-week-old baby from the filthy women’s barracks at Mauthausen and reunited with her 58 years later, there are harrowing remembrances of the untold evil the Nazis unleashed in the death camps. For many of the veterans, this was the first time any of them had spoken of what they had

witnessed; President Obama’s great-uncle Charles Payne, for example, had never told anyone in his family, much less a journalist, about what he had seen in the camps.

Hirsh admits he was drawn to the project when he realized that in all the excellent military histories written about World War II, the discovery of the Nazi death camps in the waning months of Germany’s downfall had largely been glossed over. “The liberation of the camps was never a military objective, and therefore they felt no need to deal with it,” he explains. “Holocaust scholars directed their efforts at documenting stories of the survivors. No one appears to have recognized that the liberators were the only non-European witnesses to the Holocaust, that they had a powerful story to tell about the final six weeks of the war, and that their personal stories were important even 65 years later.”

Some of those personal stories are as powerful today as they were 65 years ago. “A prisoner came over the fence where I was and he said, ‘Haben Sie einen Ziagarette?’ Do you have a cigarette?” James Dorris recalls. “I thought, I’ve got five or six packs on me, but seeing all those people, if I bring those out, I don’t have enough to give all of them and I’d have a riot on my hands, I said, ‘No.” He said, ‘Ein moment,’ and he turned around and ran back towards the houses. “[The man] ran back to the fence, and he stuck his hand through the wire fence, and he had a little tiny rusty can.

Took the top of it. Inside was a cigarette butt about, oh, maybe three quarters of an inch long. It was all water-stained, and he handed it to, and he said, I can’t remember the exact German words, but ‘This is in thanks for rescuing us.’”

The Liberators: America’s Witnesses to the Holocaust, by Michael Hirsh.

Bantam Publishing, $27 hardback.

Chattanooga's Weekly Alternative

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Shrink Rap

By Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D

Lovin’ in Springtime I

t’s spring. Is love in the air? Is the cabin fever of months past evolving into a passionate beating of your heart? Or is that, “bleating of your desire?”

Restless? Desire to “couple up” with the object of your desire?

OK, so here’s my question for you: How do you open up to sharing yourself with someone special? How do you plant the seeds of …gasp… love, if that’s what you’re searching for? H’mm. Let’s begin with the suggestion that this process—whatever your desires may be—begins at home, within yourself.

In this column you’ve read how in order to be available to others, whether for the short-term or longterm, we must first be filled up enough ourselves. Having “enough” is what allows us to share outward.

Remember, the first task of the heart is to pump blood to itself. Or, try this on: Without enough principal, we cannot generate the interest to share with others, with those we love or those in need. In other words, in order to have enough to nourish and tend your relationship, your own coffers must be full enough to allow you to be a giving, loving person to your partner.

Makes sense, right?

The best relationships I’ve seen are the ones where each person comes to the party with enough esteem, security and lessons learned, that they easily and freely share of themselves. The intention is this: I have enough, and I want to share what I have, me, with you.

On the road to any connection, there are going to be bumps. And achieving a deep level of understanding

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must include knowing how to navigate these rough spots. Even in an intimate relationship that’s healthy and strong, it’s been my experience that communication is one of the primary areas where couples run into trouble at one time or another. And under the heading of “communication,” we can place “fair fighting.”

This is a topic several of you have written to me about over the years.

So let’s start here: Most of us do not enjoy arguing with our sig others.

But anger is not the enemy. Anger is a perfectly healthy emotion. In fact, anger can be quite helpful: It can motivate us into action; it can clarify thoughts; and it can provide a jumping off place for productive communication. However, this doesn’t mean that we always express our anger constructively. Did we ever learn to do so? I mean, how many of us had parents that said, “Oh good, honey, you’re angry. Let me hear all about it!”

So remember this: Occasional arguing is an indication of passion.

And a constructive argument can bring greater closeness when resolved, while a destructive argument can cause a tear in the fabric of the relationship—if not now, then in the future when your partner comes back for a re-match or revenge.

So, before you walk away and slam the door, consider these fair-fighting guidelines to assist in the productivity of your heated communications: 1. Learn to move the issue from you versus me, to you and me versus the problem. It’s an extremely valuable technique and represents a big shift in thinking. If you’re both on the same side facing the problem together, you become a team, and

you’ll find that your partner isn’t the enemy; the issue is what you need to address, together. (Counseling can be very helpful with this technique.)

2. Learn to be a patient listener.

Before you state your opinions, pause to make sure you’ve really heard what was just said to you. If all your sentences begin with “I”, you’re not listening, you’re waiting for your turn.

Big difference.

3. Learn to use “I feel …” rather than “You make me feel …” It’s less accusatory, less threatening. Saying how you feel may take practice, but it definitely helps you understand each other better.

4. No blurting. “You’re a pig!” Is this helpful? When you feel a blurt coming on, take a deep breath, and try to use one of your non-accusatory feeling statements instead. “I feel very hurt when ...” Much better.

5. Don’t go to bed in a huff. The more familiar saying is not to go to bed angry. But I doubt that’s realistic.

If you’re angry, you’re angry, and if it’s bedtime, guess what? You’re headed to bed angry, which is preferable, frankly, to staying up till the wee hours fighting, getting more tired and confused, and increasing the chance of saying hurtful things. Instead, agree to work on the problem the next day, after you’ve rested. You’ll gain clarity and a better perspective in the morning.

One final tip: After the dust has settled, remember to seal the deal with a kiss and an “I love you.” You’ve weathered another storm, and just maybe your heart is bigger for it.

Till next week: “The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.”

— Marcel Proust

“A constructive argument can bring greater closeness when resolved, while a destructive argument can cause a tear in the fabric of the relationship.”

Dr. Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist, minister, and educator, in private practice in Chattanooga, and the author of “Empowering the Tribe” and “The Power of a Partner.” Visit his new wellness center, Well Nest, at www.

WellNestChattanooga.com, and his website at www.DrRPH.com.

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Cover Story

Beak Season: A Birder’s Eye View of Chattanooga

By Daniel R. Jacobson 12

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Cover Story Editor’s note: They’re all around us, but sometimes we just tune them out. Yet the birds of the Tennessee Valley are one of the most visible clues to its rich biodiversity. In celebration of Earth Day, we asked Dan Jacobson, one of Chattanooga’s most ardent birders, to tell us what to look for in the skies, in the woods and streams—and in our backyards.

As we celebrate Earth Day

and renew our commitment to sustainability and environmental responsibility, I’d like to share some of my experiences and knowledge of the birds of Chattanooga region.

The region’s birds are as diverse as its people and topography. Around 326 different species of the 408 bird species documented in Tennessee have been recorded in Hamilton County and the nine surrounding counties that border it in Tennessee and Georgia.

were John Bachman, who was a friend and associate of John James Audubon and Roger Tory Peterson of ‘Field Guide’ fame.

Now herpetology and botany are using amateurs similarly to the way ornithology has done for more than 100 years. Getting out in our local area and keeping data and records is very important. Birders and novice scientists can contribute significantly to our body of knowledge.”

I began my birding experience on October 9, 1970, as a teenager growing up in the Dade County, Georgia area. The first bird I recorded was an American Redstart (rare breeder and common spring and fall migrant) and by the end of the year, I had listed 62 different species. Birders keep lists of all kinds—yard lists, municipality and county lists, country lists and the most important one, the Life List.

a birding legend, Alan Cruickshank, at his home where I saw my first Painted Bunting.

My first weeklong trip took me to the Texas coast and Rio Grande Valley, where I saw 61 life birds. What an adventure this was for a young teenage boy to travel to new places, as well as see birds that were not normally found in our area.

I owe my deep love of nature and the environment to my mother, Barbara Jacobson. She purposefully nurtured me in all things outdoors and natural. Before our move to Chattanooga, we often visited a small park near our home in Takoma Park, Maryland, hiked in Rock Creek Park and frequently visited the National Zoo. After moving here, my siblings and I enjoyed weekly hikes and nature walks and while primarily focused on amateur botany, we observed and studied the wider realm of the natural world.

Some of my most enjoyable birding has been with my wife, Kathy. Even though Kathy had been interested in and had some knowledge of birds of the area, she began keeping her Life List in March 1979 with a Song Sparrow at Ross’s Landing. We have since traveled to 48 states, several Canadian provinces, Mexico, Costa Rica, Puerto Rico, the Bahamas, Great Britain and Ireland, hiking, camping and enjoying the variety of birds and other natural wonders.

Kathy listed her 700th ABA area bird, a Wood Sandpiper, on 10/04/2008 at Fern Ridge in Eugene, Oregon. She has been a phenomenal birding companion getting up hours before dawn to record species during the past 30-plus years while I complete

Birders have long been at the forefront of wildlife conservation; they provide a readily available litmus test sampling of the condition of any given environment and are easily observed and counted, particularly during the breeding season when they are singing and very active. For example, the Christmas Bird Count, which was started and has been primarily conducted by amateur ornithologists, has been a regular part of the birders’ calendar “Your yard should provide three for some 110 years. Breeding Bird Survey Routes, conducted under the critical components: cover, food and auspices of the US Fish and Wildlife water, which will add to the diversity Service, document and quantify our of species and provide you with many breeding species during the month of June. I have conducted two of the 50 hours of enjoyment and relaxation.” or so in Tennessee for more than 35 years.

I enjoyed my early years of learning the birds, and had great opportunities to learn I asked my friend, Kevin Calhoon, Assistant from many very experienced birders such Curator of Forests at the Tennessee Aquarium, as Benton Basham (number-one American and one of the regional editors for American Birding Association lister for more than 20 Birds, to comment on amateurs’ contribution years), Lee and Mary Shafer, Ken and Lil Dubke, Dot and Paul Crawford, Michael to the study of birds (ornithology). He said, Lee Bierly and many others. My first trip “Ornithology was the first natural science outside the region just to chronicle and discipline to extensively use amateur study and observe birds was a long weekend jaunt to the Atlantic coast of Florida. There we met data. Some of the early pioneers of these efforts www.chattanoogapulse.com

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Cover Story Here are ten of my favorite regional birding places, with some tips on what to look for there:

Chester Frost Park This county park is great year round but best in the winter for waterfowl, gulls and raptors including Bald Eagle. It’s one of the most regular places to find Brown-headed Nuthatches and Red-headed Woodpeckers. There is an active Great Blue Heron rookery on a small island east of CFP toward Harrison Bay State Park. I often hear Great Horned Owls here when I get out before dawn.

Greenway Farm

my two annual Breeding Bird Survey routes and has been my companion trudging through fields, woods and marshes on cold early morning Christmas Bird counts.

Some of our most recent joys are introducing our grandchildren to our feathered friends. One of the best places to become familiar with our local birds is your backyard. We feed birds and keep an active “yard list”. Your yard should provide three critical components: cover, food and water, which will add to the diversity of species and provide you with many hours of enjoyment and relaxation.

During 2009, knowing I would need to spend most of my time close to home due to the completion of the Cameron Hill project, I invented a county listing game. The primary goal was to observe 100 or more species in each of the months, January through December. A second goal was to try to break the previous county year list of 217 species achieved by Kevin Calhoon and myself during 1997. I had a phenomenal birding year and truly learned much about bird distribution in Hamilton County. The year’s list achieved a total of 240 different bird species, including a high count during the month of May

of 170 species. As an added bonus, I observed five new all time species for my Hamilton County list—Cackling Goose, Black-necked Stilt, Lesser Black-backed Gull, California Gull and Horned Lark. I saw 115 species of birds in my yard, beating my all-time record by two and equaling 47 percent of the county year list.

David Aborn, UTC professor of Environmental Science, bands birds here during spring and fall migration. All banding is done in the in conjunction with the US Bird Banding Office and chronicles data on birds captured, applies a small aluminum band with a unique number on the leg of the bird in the event it is recaught or found dead. This applied science documents migration and wandering and provides longevity data on species as well. The community garden area attracts a House Wren pair, as well as nesting Tree Swallows during the summer months. Wood Ducks nest along the creek meanders and a variety of sparrows are found here during the winter months.

“The walking path along the levee between Shallowford and Brainerd Roads is our area’s best consistent shorebird habitat.”

Bird watching has been an enriching and important aspect of my life. I consider myself fortunate to have met and made friends across the United States, Canada and other countries over the years. We have maintained contact with many of them, sharing our latest birding ventures and family news. I have contributed to our national, state and local knowledge of bird populations, distribution and occurrences. I have recorded 364 species in Tennessee, trumped only by Jeff Wilson of Memphis.

Brainerd Levee

The walking path along the levee between Shallowford and Brainerd Roads is our area’s best consistent shorebird habitat. Some of the better records from this area include Cinnamon Teal, Wilson’s and Red Phalaropes and Tri-colored Heron. The most productive area is the first mile or so beginning at Shallowford Road. The winter months provide a good variety of puddle ducks including Northern Shoveler, Green-winged Teal, American Black Duck and Gadwall. Redshouldered Hawks nest in the area as well.

Chickamauga Dam One of the earliest dams constructed by TVA and completed on January 15, 1940, Chickamauga Dam provides a great birding location for migrants, waterfowl and wintering

Chattanooga Birding, Then and Now One of the earliest bird enthusiasts to travel to the Chattanooga region was Bradford Torrey (1843 - 1912).

His definitive work, Spring Notes from Tennessee, published in 1896, details his birding adventures throughout the area. Torrey recorded notes on 93 species from April 27 - May 18, 1894.

While out of print for many years, this book portrays a unique perspective into some of the earliest birding adventures in the Chattanooga region.

Regular and detailed study and

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documentation of the region’s birdlife began in earnest with the formation of the Chattanooga Bird Club in 1954. Founders Gene and Adele West devoted countless hours along with a cadre of volunteers to activities such as the annual Christmas Bird Count, Spring Migration Counts, bird banding during migration and documentation of breeding species.

The organization grew and matured over the years under the guidance of Ken and Lil Dubke along with many

others, and is now known as the Chattanooga Chapter of the Tennessee Ornithological Society. The activities of the group are open to both members and non-members.

When I asked David Stone, current club president, to comment on the group and its mission, he said, “I think my role as president of the Chattanooga Chapter of the Tennessee Ornithological Society is to see that the club continues to build on and expand the knowledge of birds others before us

shared. The mission statement of TOS is to promote enjoyment, scientific study and conservation of birds.

“I know there are many people in the Chattanooga area who love to watch birds but have never been to one of our meetings. I firmly believe they could enhance their knowledge of birds by becoming a member of TOS and attending meetings and field trips.”

Up-to-date information on the club’s activities are available online at www.chattanoogatos.org

Chattanooga's Weekly Alternative

Cover Story

To Every Bird There Is A Season

gull species. One of the best spots for observing birds is the powerhouse parking lot accessed from Amnicola Highway on the east side of the dam. The marina area just above the dam is a good winter spot to observe gulls perched along the shoreline. The county’s first Eared Grebe was found here.

There are four distinct birding seasons and a variety of bird species and numbers that accompany each one.

Booker T. Washington State Park This state park is our premier area for a variety of diving ducks as well as loons and grebes during the winter months. The boat ramp area is the best location for finding a diversity of bird species. A spotting scope is useful as the distances are lengthy. Unusual species include Red-necked and Eared Grebes, Pacific and RedThroated Loons, all three species of scoters, Long-tailed Duck and several unusual gull species.

Spring: March, April and May are the months when the most species occur. Migration is in full swing and a full day of birding can result in observing 120 - 130 or more species with concentrated efforts.

Tennessee Riverwalk Provides excellent opportunities to observe a wide variety of bird species. About midway, it passes Amnicola Lake, which used to be a freshwater marsh before the water level was raised. It now provides a winter home to puddle ducks and is good for sparrows and blackbirds. The Riverwalk is a great area for spring and fall migrants as well.

Chattanooga Nature Center – Reflection Riding One of our premier places for spring and fall migrants as well as a variety of breeding birds. The best mode of travel is to walk the road system and bird the trails along Lookout Creek north of the CNC. Breeding species here include Northern Parula, Louisiana Waterthrush, Yellow-Throated Warbler, Kentucky Warbler and Cooper’s Hawk.

Craven’s House Probably our best migrant location, it’s one of the more regular places to find Connecticut and Mourning Warblers during spring migration. I found my first Warbling Vireo in Hamilton County here. Breeders include Hairy Woodpecker and Worm-eating Warbler.

The areas around the Craven’s House and along the Hardy Trail are two of the better birding areas.

Nickajack Lake and Dam

This unique rift valley provides a migrant funnel that can produce magnificent results, particularly during migration. It covers Marion, Sequatchie, Bledsoe and a portion of Cumberland counties. Home to the first Ruff record for the state as well as many unusual species, the Valley warrants more regular birding. It hosts viable nesting species such as Horned Lark, Loggerhead Shrike and is the winter home to a variety of raptors, blackbirds and sparrows. The Johnson Family Farm is the most regular winter spot for Brewer’s Blackbird in our area.

I look forward to seeing you in the field soon. Feel free to contact me at brdmann@aol.com. To repeat what my birding friends say, let’s go birding!!

Additional statewide resources on birding as well as conservation can be found here: • Chattanooga Chapter of the Tennessee Ornithological Society, www.chattanoogatos. org • Tennessee Ornithological Society, www.tnbirds.org • TN Wildlife Resources Agency Watchable Wildlife site. www. tnwatchablewildlife.org National resources for birding and conservation opportunities include: • The American Birding Association, www.aba.org • The Laboratory of Ornithology at Cornell University, www.birds.cornell.edu • The American Bird Conservancy, www.abcbirds.org • National Audubon Society, www.audubon.org • The Nature Conservancy, www.nature.org • Birding.Com (www.birding.com) • Birdingonthe.net (www.birdingonthe.net)

“Birders have long been at the forefront of wildlife conservation; they provide a readily available litmus test sampling of the condition of any given environment.”

The Tennessee River Gorge hosts some of our most diverse breeding species of birds. Nesting species include Summer and Scarlet Tanagers, Louisiana Waterthrush, Ovenbird, Northern Parula, Hooded Warbler and American Redstart. Broad-winged Hawks and Osprey are commonly found here during the summer. I suspect that Double-crested Cormorants nest in the Bennett Lake area as well.

Nickajack Lake produced the state’s first record of Clark’s Grebe, as well as the second records for Black Skimmer and Sooty Tern. Other unusual species include Western Grebe, all three scoters, Long-eared, Northern Saw-whet and Short-eared Owls as well as LeConte’s Sparrow. www.chattanoogapulse.com

Sequatchie Valley

Summer: June and July are considered the breeding season.

Some 110 species regularly breed in our area and provide the lowest species count during a single season. Fall migration really begins in early July with the return of the first shorebirds.

Fall: August, September and October showcase species in great variety of plumages and are when the total number of birds reaches its peak.

Identification challenges are higher as immature birds, adults in molt and a good variety of migrants pass through our area.

Winter: November through February is when winter’s cold drives the fall migrants farther south and introduces a healthy number of waterfowl, raptors and northern breeders, driven south by temperature change and a need for a constant food supply.

There are many resources for birders of all levels of interest in the Chattanooga area.

Two Wild Birds Unlimited stores provide outstanding equipment, books and a wide variety of feeders, seed and other types of food, bird baths, houses, etc. to attract birds to your yard or farm. The staff in the stores is knowledgeable and very helpful. I encourage you to visit them.

April 8, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 14 | The Pulse

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Arts & Entertainment

Symphony Gets Shagadelic

By Stephanie Smith

“Deadline

dictates everything, but creating is all about trial and error. If I don’t have the time to make the mistakes, I can’t do my job.”

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H ooray for Hollywood— where the films are grand, the stars are glamorous and the music is...groovy. The Chattanooga Symphony and Opera is bringing a concert to the Tivoli that will have fans of the Austin Powers franchise begging for more.

The “Shagadelic Suite” from the Austin Powers movies was composed

by Chattanooga native George S. Clinton and will be performed by the CSO as part of an evening entitled “Hooray for Hollywood”. Clinton himself will be conducting his music, which will also include the world premiere of his score from the Emmy Award-winning HBO movie Bury My

Heart at Wounded Knee.

“This is my second time to conduct the [Chattanooga Symphony],” says Clinton, “and it’s rare. One of the great things about Bob [Bernhardt] is that as we’ve become friends over the years, he has said to me ‘You know, if there’s something you’re working on that you want to try out—let me hear it!’

It’s a great opportunity to come back and conduct this orchestra.

I’ve been all over the world and, believe me, Chattanooga has a world-class orchestra.”

Clinton enjoys creating music in his studio every day and can spend hours upon hours working on his compositions, often waking up at 4 in the morning and working until 10 or 11 at night.

“Deadline dictates everything, but creating is all about trial and error. If I don’t have the time to make the mistakes, I can’t do my job.”

An accomplished composer, Clinton has created a wide variety of music for both television and film, including Wild Things, The Santa Clause 2 & 3, Mortal Kombat, Sordid Lives, 3,000 Miles to Graceland, The Love Guru and 2010’s The Tooth Fairy, starring Dwayne Johnson, Ashley Judd and Julie Andrews. He recognizes that movies have a way of bringing music to the masses.

“More and more orchestras are reaching out through music from films.

The only time many young people have heard orchestral music is from film.

That makes this more than a concert; it’s a chance to make this kind of music more interesting to a wider audience.”

Undoubtedly, the music from the Austin Powers’ films will sound familiar to many in the audience, but the score from “Wounded Knee” may not be as familiar. “[This film] is a really wonderful drama and I’ve always been really connected to the North American Indians’ plight. I wanted the flute to be the spiritual voice of the score.

[Grammy Award-nominated flutist John Two-Hawks] is also a Lakota Indian. He had relatives killed in the massacre at Wounded Knee. I am really excited that he is coming to Chattanooga for this live premiere.”

The CSO concert will also be special for Clinton because his daughter, Jess, will be performing one of her compositions, “Converging Of The Senses.” “[Jess] is a singer/songwriter studying music at NYU. She and I worked on the arrangements (the song is completely hers) while she was home for Christmas break. It’s going to be one of those proud dad moments I’m going to have when I’m up there conducting and she’s singing.

“My mother is a musician and she taught me to play the piano. She gave me the gift of music—and it is a gift.

I’ve passed it on to Jessica. Music gives you wings and then you wind up in places you never imagined being.”

Like back in your hometown performing with your family.

Groovy, baby.

The CSO presents “Hooray for Hollywood” $19 - $79 8 pm Saturday, April 10 Tivoli Theatre, (423) 267-8583, www.chattanoogasymphony.com

Chattanooga's Weekly Alternative

A&E Calendar Highlights Friday

Thursday

UTC Jazz Band Concert A bebop evening featuring the music of Miles Davis and Charlie Parker. Dig it.

Free 7:30 p.m.

Roland Hayes Concert Hall, UTC Fine Arts Center, Vine & Palmetto Sts. (423) 425-4601. www.utc.edu/music

Send your calendar events to us at calendar@chattanoogapulse.com

AEC Spring Independent Film Series: The Prophet 12:30, 4, 7:25 p.m. Majestic 12 Theater, 311 Broad St. (423) 826-2370.

String Theory 6:30 p.m. Hunter Museum of Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944. www.huntermuseum.org The Pajama Game 7:30 p.m. Roland Hayes Concert Hall, UTC Fine Arts Center, 753 Vine St. (423) 425-4374.

Comedian Rodney Carrington 7:30 p.m. Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad St. (423) 757-5050.

Niada 8 p.m. Sanderson Hall, Covenant College, 14049 Scenic Hwy. Lookout Mtn, GA. (916) 642-3430.

Dan Swartwout 8 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233.

Life Without Tom Reading of Logan Lee’s prizewinning entry in the CTC’s New Play Festival. $5 8 p.m.

Chattanooga Theatre Centre, Studio Stage, 400 River Street.

(423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.com

Saturday

The Pajama Game UTC Theatre Department revives the musical that gave us “Steamheat” and “Hernando’s Hideaway.” $12 8 p.m.

Dorothy Hackett Ward Theatre, UTC Fine Arts Center, Vine & Palmetto Sts. (423) 425-4264.

Monday “Catch the Groove” Percussion Concert 7:30 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center, 615 McCallie Ave., corner of Vine and Palmetto Sts. (423) 425-4601.

“Speak Easy” Spoken word and poetry 8 p.m. Mudpie Restaurant, 12 Frazier Ave. (423) 267-9040.

“Horizons” Shuptrine Fine Art Group, 2646 Broad St. 423-266-4453.

“Picture This” North River Civic Center, 1009 Executive Dr. (423) 870-8924.

Works by Helen Exum St. Paul’s Episcopal Church, 305 W. 7th St. (423) 266-8794 UTC Arts Department Senior Thesis Exhibition Cress Gallery, 752 Vine St. (423) 304-9789.

www.chattanoogapulse.com

Earth Dayz 11 a.m. Rock City, 1400 Patten Rd., Lookout Mtn, GA. (706) 820-2531.

Hubble in 3D 11 a.m., 1, 3, 5, 7, 9 p.m.

IMAX Theater at the Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (800) 265-0695.

Wild Ocean in 3D Noon, 2, 4, 6, 8 p.m. IMAX Theater at the Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (800) 265-0695.

The Last Night at Ballyhoo 7 p.m. Dixon Center, Lee University, 1120 North Ocoee St., Cleveland, TN. (423) 614-8343.

UTC Chamber and Chattanooga Singers 7:30 p.m. Second Presbyterian Church, 700 Pine St. (423) 425-6501.

The Pajama Game 7:30 p.m. Roland Hayes Concert Hall, UTC Fine Arts Center, 753 Vine St. (423) 425-4374.

Mixed Media 7:30 p.m. St. Andrews Center Theater, 1918 Union Ave. (423) 987-5141.

Dan Swartwout 7:30, 10 p.m. The Comedy Catch & Giggles Grille, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com Manhatten Piano Trio 8 p.m. Brown Chapel, Covenant College, 14049 Scenic Hwy. Lookout Mtn, GA. (706) 419-1428. www.covenant.edu The Primitive Streak 8 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.com

Sunday Earth Dayz 11 a.m. Rock City, 1400 Patten Rd., Lookout Mtn, GA. (706) 820-2531. www.seerockcity.com/earthdayz Mosaic Market 11 a.m. 412 Market St. (corner of 4th/Market) (423) 624-3915.

Artist Demonstration for “Bold Elegance” & “Yesterday, Today, Tommorrow” 1 p.m. My Color Image Boutique and Art Gallery, 330 Frazier St. (423) 598-6202.

Mixed Media 2 p.m. St. Andrews Center Theater, 1918 Union Ave. (423) 987-5141.

Eight Steps to Happiness Book Talk 5 p.m. Rock Point Books, 401 Broad St. (256) 710-0646. www.rockpointbooks.com

Tuesday Nicely Walking Tour 6 p.m. Ross’ Landing Park, (423) 265-3247. www.chattanoogahistory.org Chattanooga Writers Guild Monthly Meeting 7 p.m. Chattanooga-Hamilton Bicentennial Library. 1001 Broad St. (423) 757-5310.

Men’s Chorus and Women’s Chorale 7:30 p.m. Roland Hayes Concert Hall, UTC Fine Arts Center, 753 Vine St. (423) 425-4374.

“Birds of a Feather” Houston Museum of Arts, 201 High St. (423) 267-7176.

“Harmonic Inspirations” 200 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-8658.

“Themes of Identity” Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944.

The Last Night at Ballyhoo 7 p.m. Dixon Center, Lee University, 1120 North Ocoee St., Cleveland, TN. (423) 614-8343.

Dan Swartwout 7:30, 10 p.m. The Comedy Catch & Giggles Grille, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233.

CSO: “Hooray for Hollywood” 8 p.m. Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad St. (423) 757-5050.

The Primitive Streak 8 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534.

Life Without Tom 8 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534.

Niada 8 p.m. Sanderson Hall, Covenant College, 14049 Scenic Hwy. Lookout Mtn, GA. (916) 642-3430.

Wednesday “Twenty American Etchings” Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944. www.huntermuseum.org “Scenes from a Native Land” Bill Shores Frame and Gallery, 307 Manufacturers Rd. (423) 756-6746.

“One of a Kind” River Gallery, 400 E. Second St. (423) 265-5033.

“Yesterday, Today, Tommorrow” My Color Image Boutique and Art Gallery, 330 Frazier St. (423) 598-6202.

“Sister City” by Elizabeth Turbergen Association for Visual Arts, 30 Frazier Ave. (423) 265-4282.

“New American Paintings by Mike Holsomback” Asher Love Gallery, 3914 St. Elmo Ave. (423) 822-0289.

Art of the Steal (part of AEC’s Independent Film Series) Documentary about the ongoing saga of the billiondollar Barnes art collection— and who should control it.

Majestic Theatre, 215 Broad Street. (423) 265-5220. www.carmike.com

Earth Dayz 11 a.m. Rock City, 1400 Patten Rd., Lookout Mtn, GA. (706) 820-2531.

Vocalist Dwain Briggs 1 p.m. Unity of Chattanooga, 604 Black St. (423) 755-7990.

The Last Night at Ballyhoo 2 p.m. Dixon Center, Lee University, 1120 North Ocoee St., Cleveland, TN. (423) 614-8343.

A Funny Thing Happened On My Way to the National Cementary book signing 2 p.m. Olde Town Books, 3213 Brainerd Rd. (423) 475-7187.

Wind Symphony Spring Concert 7:30 p.m. Collegedale Church, 4829 College Dr. E. (423) 236-2814.

Dan Swartwout 8 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224

Editor’s Pick: Featured Event Of The Week CSO presents “Hooray for Hollywood” One of the CSO subscriber favorites returns, this year featuring music from the “Lord of the Rings” cycle and, among others, guest artist Chattanooga-born George S. Clinton, composer of music for the “Austin Powers” movies. (See Arts & Entertainment feature.)

Saturday, April 10 $19-$79 8 p.m.

Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad Street. (423) 467-8583. chattanoogasymphony.org

April 8, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 14 | The Pulse

17

Shades of Green

By Janis Hashe

Make This Year Your Earth Year E

arth Day comes round every year, but maybe this is the year you’ve decided to make the change to a greener life. Yet there’s so much information out there, it might be overwhelming to figure out where to start. And just as with so many things, change is much easier—and more permanent—if you start with a few simple things. You can always add on later, and odds are, you’ll want to.

So take from the following suggestions about going green around your house the ones that seem easiest for you. “Being the change you want to see in your own world” is a perfect way to get started—and you might actually find it’s kind of fun.

Reduce: To be honest, I am astounded when I visit homes where the TV, computer, etc. are all perpetually on. Save energy—and a ton of money—by turning electronics off when you are not actively using them. Unplug “vampire” devices such as your cell phone charger. Turn lights off in rooms you aren’t in. Use ceiling fans combined with less air conditioning. And even though they are more expensive to start out with, LED light bulbs save so much money in the long run. And speaking of the long run, if you do need to replace an appliance, consider an Energy Star version. My old fridge is about to give up the ghost, and again, the higher cost of the Energy Star will be very much offset in the first year.

Reuse: It’s spring, so what better time to start your own compost pile? Contrary to some rumors, a

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The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 14 | April 8, 2010

compost heap does not smell, if it’s prepared and turned properly. If you’re a homeowner, you almost undoubtedly have the following: yard waste and plant-based kitchen scraps. Composters come in all sizes and all levels of costs, but basic ones are not expensive at all, nor are the nitrogen-based “starters” needed to get the temperature cooking.

Visit your local nursery or Crabtree Farms for hints on what to buy or build. Once the pile has gotten going, you will have the best food for your plants—right in your own backyard, for free. Suggestion: apartment dwellers, consider banding together with a couple of neighbors (and with your landlord’s permission), to start a compost pile for your building. “Compost tea” works great for houseplants…

Recycle: I know—my favorite subject. And I do realize it can seem like just one more thing busy people have to think about. So here’s my suggestion: If you are not recycling at all right now, start with just one thing. For many, this can be aluminum and metal cans. If you’re a softdrink person, or you have pets, you accumulate a lot of cans—fast. All you need to do to begin recycling these is keep a bag someplace in the kitchen or porch where you can stash the rinsed-out cans. Then sign up for Chattanooga’s twice-a-month curbside recycling program at www. recycleright.org (under “Frequently Asked Questions”) or by calling (423)

“Composters

643-JOIN. You can always add on paper, plastic and glass as you go along.

Other ideas: Walking—what a concept. Coming from LA, I’ve heard every excuse for not walking there is. But I was surprised when an acquaintance could not get over the idea that I had walked from my house to the Bi-Lo where we encountered each other. “You walked?” he kept exclaiming. Well, yeah—the Bi-Lo is about three blocks away. Now admittedly I can’t do that if I need more than one cloth bag worth of stuff, but I often don’t. Are there neighborhood places you really don’t need to drive to? Give it a try.

The push mower: Speaking of my neighbors, one of them stopped last summer and said, “I haven’t seen one of those in years.” Yes, friends, I have a push mower, and while this suggestion is not for the faint of heart, it’s great exercise—and you’ll be surprised how many neighbors you will be able to hear without shrieking over the noise.

come in all sizes and all levels of costs, but basic ones are not expensive at all, nor are the nitrogenbased ‘starters’ needed to get the temperature cooking.”

Chattanooga's Weekly Alternative

www.chattanoogapulse.com

April 8, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 14 | The Pulse

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The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 14 | April 8, 2010

Chattanooga's Weekly Alternative

www.chattanoogapulse.com

April 8, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 14 | The Pulse

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Chattanooga's Weekly Alternative

Music Feature

D) All Of The Above

By Tara Morris

“With fear of

eternal winter dismissed, the sunshine brings the comfort and security of tour dates, festivals, and outdoor/ porch rockin’.”

www.chattanoogapulse.com

T

his week felt like I was attempting to pick a letter that, with luck, would allow me to pass a multiple-choice math test. I still suck at math, so choosing one show this weekend was a toughie.

Don’t get me wrong, I know how to count my money, but with a line-up like this, you may be spending more the usual.

With fear of eternal winter dismissed, the sunshine brings the comfort and security of tour dates, festivals, and outdoor/porch rockin’.

Everyone who is anyone knows Chattanooga movers and shakers are deserving of an “A” for raising the bar and bringing more amazing acts to our music scene.

This weekend is full of great shows (and for more, check out the Music Calendar). Let’s hit some top hitters—and then one of our bestkept secrets. Here is your out-ofhome-work for the weekend.

• Thursday.

The Pulse’s own Gary Poole will be performing at The Riverhouse on Frazier Ave. Gary will share a mixture of original music and everything from Radiohead to Marvin Gaye.

“Living proof that long-haired hippie musicians with earrings who sometimes dress oddly can still hold a respectable job.” — GP • Friday. Presents the Roast of Ory Weaver at JJ’s Bohemia. This local “around town super dude” will mix in a great night of comedy, and whether there is any truth to this alleged vasectomy or not, there’s musical support from Rum Drum Ramblers and Tristen.

• Saturday. Nashville will take over Chattanooga as The Features play JJ’s Bohemia, and Moon Taxi plays Rhythm & Brews. My only advice is if you have seen one of these bands, go ahead and see the other. It’s OK to share; you learned it in kindergarten, remember?

After a hard-hitting dance-fest

weekend, it is time to chill out. relax and get ready for another Monday. A night to get back to a sense of music where you are engaged emotionally and giving that sore head-banger neck a rest.

• Sunday Night at the historic Lindsay Street Hall, local favorites Land Camera will be playing their first show of the year, joined by Aaron Roche and Nathan Phillps. Lindsay Street Hall has brought life into the community with wedding/reception/ event rentals but also a deep-rooted love for experiencing music in its true form.

Charles Allison of Land Camera, with help of CreateHere and a select few, are holding strong with their “Song a Week” Series. It has qualified as a 2010 “Porch Favorite” of mine and you can follow it each week at www.charlesallison.com. With its altfolk experimental sound, this group delivers a gentle vibe that will please any demographic.

The 100-year-old venue is made for a dynamic acoustic performance, so each set will be designed for the large reverb of the venue. If you still haven’t gotten enough, Monday nights are held for Paul Lohorn’s 18-piece Big Band.

For more than 40 years The Big Band has brought our area another genre of music appreciation.

The show is a perfect place for the young and old to attempt swing dancing—or laugh while trying. If you have not made it by yet, this is going for extra credit.

That is your assignment, localscene-lovers of Chattaboogie. Seems way better then a math test, huh?

Enjoy the sunshine and remember when supporting our local music pick “D) All of the Above”.

April 8, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 14 | The Pulse

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Music Calendar Thursday Spotlight

Digital Butter, Cool Kid Collective, EP3 Local hipsters Digital Butter are joined by Californians Cool Kid Collective. $7 10 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. myspace.com/jjsbohemia

Thursday Gary Poole 8 p.m. Riverhouse Pub, 224 Frazier Ave. (423) 752-0066. www.myspace.com/ theriverhousechattanooga Live Music 9 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Open Mic with Gabe Newell 9 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Karaoke 9 p.m. Playoff’s Sports Bar, 3501 Brainerd Rd. (423) 697-9050 Dave Dykes and the Grateful Hearts, Kyle MacKillop 9 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com Channing Wilson 9 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com Travis Singleton 9 p.m. Mudpie Restaurant, 12 Frazier Ave. (423) 267-9043. www.mudpierestaurant.com Eddies of the Wind 9 p.m. Riverhouse Pub, 224 Frazier Ave. (423) 752-0066.

Troy Underwood 9 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike. (423) 266-1996. www.tremonttavern.com Digital Butter, Cool Kid Collective, EP3 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia

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Friday Spotlight

DJ ScubaSteve Fox and Hound Pub & Grille, 2040 Hamilton Place Blvd., #150. (423) 490-1200.

DJ Lucky Lucky’s, 2536 Cummings Highway. (423) 825-5145.

Friday Between Two Seas (CD release), Amity, Failing the Fairest, Axiom, Fallacy 7 p.m. The Warehouse, 5716 Ringgold Rd., East Ridge. myspace.com/warehousetn Fiddling Charlie McCarrol and Mike Bryant 7:30 p.m. Barking Legs, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347 www.barkinglegs.org Booker Scruggs Ensemble 7:30 p.m. The Original Blue Orleans Restaurant, 3208 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 629-6538.

Empire A.D., Murdergrass, Castle is a Tomb 8 p.m. Ziggy’s Hideaway, 607 Cherokee Blvd.

(423) 634-1074. myspace.com/ziggyshideaway Karaoke 9 p.m. Playoff’s Sports Bar, 3501 Brainerd Rd. (423) 697-9050 Karaoke 9 p.m. Mudpie Restaurant, 12 Frazier Ave. (423) 267-9043. www.mudpierestaurant.com Husky Burnette 9 p.m. Rhapsody Café, 1201 Hixson Pike. (423) 266-3093 John Sutton Band 10 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Bounty Hunter 10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com Roast of Ory with The Rum Drum Ramblers, Tristen 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia

Fried Chicken Trio 10 p.m. T-Bones Café, 1419 Chestnut Ave. (423) 266-4240. www.tboneschattanooga.com Fly By Radio 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com Low String Assassins 9 p.m. Riverhouse Pub, 224 Frazier Ave. (423) 752-0066. www.myspace.com/ theriverhousechattanooga DJ Spicolli Raw Sushi Bar Restaurant & Nightclub, 409 Market Street, (423) 756-1919. www.myspace.com/jimstriker DJ GOP The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055.

Saturday Wesley@Worship, Any Given Day, Relentless Flood, Blue Cellar Band 7 p.m. The Warehouse, 5716 Ringgold Rd., East Ridge. myspace.com/warehousetn Laurie McLain 8 p.m. Charles and Myrtles Coffeehouse, 105 McBrien Rd. (423) 892-4960. www.christunity.org D.R.E.A.D, Dissary, Iraconji 8 p.m. Ziggy’s Hideaway, 607 Cherokee Blvd.

(423) 634-1074. myspace.com/ziggyshideaway Open Mic 9 p.m. Mudpie Restaurant, 12 Frazier Ave. (423) 267-9043. www.mudpierestaurant.com Second Saturday DJs Party 10 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Karaoke 9 p.m. Playoff’s Sports Bar, 3501 Brainerd Rd. (423) 697-9050 Molly Maguires 10 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike. (423) 266-1996. www.tremonttavern.com

Fiddling Charlie McCool and Mike Bryant Support the Friends of the Cumberland Trail with two fiddle masters. $10 7:30 p.m.

Barking Legs, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347. www.barkinglegs.org Bounty Hunter 10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com The Features, Vulture Whale 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia Mother of Pearl 10 p.m. T-Bones Café, 1419 Chestnut Ave. (423) 266-4240. www.tboneschattanooga.com Moon Taxi, Marujah 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com Ana Sia 9 p.m. 412 Market Street, 412 Market St. (423) 757-0019.

Sunday Open Mic w/Jeff Daniels 4 p.m. Ms. Debbie’s Nightlife Lounge 4762 Highway 58, (423) 485-0966. myspace.com/debbieslounge Irish Sessions Music 6:30 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike.

(423) 266-1996. www.tremonttavern.com Within the Ruins, I am Abomination, EWAP 7 p.m. The Warehouse, 5716 Ringgold Rd. myspace.com/warehousetn Open Mic 8 p.m. Gene’s Bar & Grill, 724 Ashland Terrace, (423) 870-0880. myspace.com/genem14 Scum of the Earth, True Stereo, James Legg, ACDC

Chattanooga's Weekly Alternative

Music Calendar

Send your calendar events to us at calendar@chattanoogapulse.com

Saturday Spotlight

Moon Taxi with Marujah Moon Taxi jams back into town, this time with Marujah. $7 10 p.m.

Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market Street. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com (can’t be THAT ACDC though) 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia DJ GOP The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com

Monday Old Tyme Players 6 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Paul Longhorn’s 18 Piece Big Band 7:30 p.m. Lindsay Street Hall, 901 Lindsay St. (423) 755-9111 www.lindsaystreethall.com Karaoke 9:30 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com Birthday dance party with Chad 10 p.m. Discoteca, 309 Main Street.

Dancing & DJing The Palms at Hamilton 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com

Tuesday The Ben Friberg Trio 7 p.m. Table 2, 232 E. 11th Street, (423) 756-8253. www.table2restaurant.com Open Jam and server appreciation night

www.chattanoogapulse.com

Sunday Spotlight

7 p.m. Playoff’s Sports Bar, 3501 Brainerd Rd., (423) 697-9050 As Hell Retreats, The Gun Show 7 p.m. The Warehouse, 5716 Ringgold Rd., East Ridge. myspace.com/warehousetn Spoken Word/Poetry Night 8 p.m. The Riverhouse, 224 Frazier Ave., (423) 752-0066. www.myspace.com/ theriverhousechattanooga Billy Hopkins 8 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Open Mic with Mike McDade 9 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike. (423) 266-1996. www.tremonttavern.com Open Mic 9 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike, (423) 266-1996. www.tremonttavern.com

DJ ScubaSteve Fox and Hound Pub & Grille, 2040 Hamilton Place Blvd #150, (423) 490-1200.

DJ GOP The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com

Scum of the Earth, True Stereo, James Legg, more Didn’t you always want to be in a band called “Scum of the Earth”? $7 10 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. myspace.com/jjsbohemia

Wednesday Ben Friberg Jazz Trio 6:30 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market Street, (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Karaoke 9 p.m. Playoff’s Sports Bar, 3501 Brainerd Rd. (423) 697-9050 Natalie Stovall 7 p.m. UTC, UTC Commons, 615 McCallie Avenue.

Jason Thomas and the MeanEyed Cats

Editor’s Pick of the Week

p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com Live Music 10 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Rock and Roll Wednesdays 10 p.m. Discoteca, 309 Main Street.

DJ GOP The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055.

Got a gig coming up that you want to tell the world about?

All you need to do to get the word out for free is to send us your information (the basic when, where and time) and we will list it here in the weekly music calendar.

The Features with Vulture Whale When The Features return, so should you. The wooden floors will be vibrating and bouncing with the infectious beats. Vulture Whale from Birmingham, AL joins them for this show. Lots of Rock, lots of Roll. Sweetness.

Saturday, April 10 $7 10 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia

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Email the particulars to us at calendar@chattanoogapulse. com at least ten days before the event.

And for last minute changes and updates, be sure to visit chattanoogahasfun.com for the most comprehensive music and events calendar in Chattanooga (and beyond).

April 8, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 14 | The Pulse

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New Music Reviews Sambassadeur European (Labrador) In my book, Sweden is responsible for two significant cultural exports: brooding, psychological films (OK, I should have just written “Ingmar Bergman films”) and pop music. Of course, there’s ABBA—love ’em or hate ’em, I think it’s impossible to understand modern pop music without an understanding of ABBA. Although it would be lazy, unfair, and simply incorrect to lump all Swedish pop together stylistically—like ABBA, Jens Lekman, and the Cardigans— generally there are some common threads found throughout its scope: a favoring of high production values, a pristine sound, and an unregrettably nostalgic view toward pop forms.

One of the standouts on the Swedish indie-pop label Labrador Records is Sambassadeur; no, it’s not a samba band— it’s named after the Serge Gainsbourg song “Les Sambassadeurs”—and pop fans drawn to outfits like Camera Obscura and Belle and Sebastian may enjoy the band’s latest

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The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 14 | April 8, 2010

By Ernie Paik

album, European.

The beginning of the opener, “Stranded,” is a saccharine, too-precious, ABBAesque piano fake-out, giving way to a full, string-enhanced delivery, quickly spinning up to speed; when the tambourine starts a-shakin’, you know the group is up to optimum power. “Days” starts with distinctive rhythmic cues from “Baby, I Love You” by the Ronettes, and “Forward Is All” lays on string swells and timpani rolls. “I Can Try” is a vaguely new-wave track, with sustained synth chords, tinkling metallic percussion from chimes and a triangle, and even an unabashed sax solo.

The lead vocalist for Sambassadeur is Anna Persson, who sings with a calm, collected, and unadorned manner; her voice approaches blankness yet remains pleasant and not flowery. Her style is somewhat reminiscent of fellow Swede Karolina Komstedt, from the band and labelmate Club 8, and the right amount of reverb is added to give her voice a floating quality.

Sambassadeur applies frosting with aplomb; drum fills are plentiful. Frankly, it’s nothing that well-versed listeners haven’t heard before, but the presentation has a vitality that elevates it. The question running through the members’ heads must have been, “Why not add strings to this song?” Who can blame them? About two-thirds through the album, some ideas start to get reused, but still, the penultimate “Sandy Dunes” manages to rehash Phil Spector’s rich, nourishing sound in a way that pop lovers would hesitate to dismiss.

Konk Pack The Black Hills (Grob) In guitarist Derek Bailey’s enlightening book Improvisation, he discusses the “laya” in Indian music, which approaches rhythm not through numbers and discrete beats but through its “feel.” For conventional music, one might judge a drummer by how well the beat is kept, but for certain types of improvised music, that isn’t necessarily important—it calls for a new way of listening to and appreciating music, stepping away from the typical parameters. Bailey even suggests that terms typically used in the realm of physics can appropriately describe the laya, citing examples like “continuum,” “kinetic,” “ballistic,” and “centrifugal.”

The free improvisation (that is, improvised music that avoids genre restrictions) of the trio Konk Pack is like a blast of science—a kind of controlled chaos in the hands of experts. The outfit’s latest album, The Black Hills, offers astounding moments and interplay from veteran

improvisers Tim Hodgkinson (co-founder of the legendary art-rock band Henry Cow) on lap steel guitar and clarinet, Thomas Lehn on the EMS Synthi A analog synth, and Roger Turner on drums and percussion.

Being musically proficient is not enough for Konk Pack; the players feed off the collective energy and have an uncanny ability to collectively shape their abstract constructions with a keen understanding of the power of varied dynamics.

The opener, “The Welcome,” is a track that is best heard on headphones, and it’s full of a million tiny details: creaks, squeaks, scrapes, and high-frequency splats, to name a few. “The Grave” is an exercise in space, leaving ample breathing room for the musicians, yet creating tension with somber tones and disquieting, piercing noises. The playful and bewildering 25-minute track “The Trees” offers an incredibly wide sound palette, shifting from synth freak-outs to meekly rung bells in an instant. The album ends with its most concentrated eruption of sound, “Gin Run,” which perhaps is the aural equivalent of an end-of-the-world orgiastic scramble.

To be sure, The Black Hills is difficult listening, but arguably, no kind of music offers more surprises than free improvisation, which, by its nature, forces the performers to stay on their toes. Konk Pack lives up to that promise with music that defies conventional descriptions, inspiring it to be treated as a sort of energy, going beyond mere notes.

Chattanooga's Weekly Alternative

On The Beat

By Alex Teach

Change I Can Believe In I

was facing my coins again.

They had been scattered all over the place, mixed up and jumbled like a little monetary hurricane had swept through my cruiser’s console and turned them into a zinc-and-nickel chaos. It was horrible, and I couldn’t get them separated from the rest of the bric-a-brac soon enough, even as I imagined little tiny coin-storm hurricane adjustors running around the place with little coin clipboards and white safety helmets, and little short-sleeved shirts with bad little ties.

I wiped them free of dust and ichor and began sorting them into separate piles by denomination, then plugging them into a spring-operated compact portable coin holder, heads up, necks to the bottom so they “faced” the same way. I was already giddy with the thought of the next time I needed change. How prepared I would be, how efficiently and quickly I would slide the required coins out smoothly with my thumb for the sake of correct change, and how all the remaining coins would be there ready to go next, all queued up and facing the same way like soldiers in formation ready to go into battle, their credit-card cousins looking on in disgust and subtle reverence.

I was nearly done when I froze, contemplating the fact that I had neglected to consider putting them in chronological order, because it wouldn’t take that long, and after I decided who went first (oldest to newest? vice versa?)

I realized that was just “crazy” and backed off the idea…but not before making a mental note for the next time I made a clean sweep of change.

www.chattanoogapulse.com

Obviously, something was bugging me.

I was taking the time to sort coins, but I hadn’t even remembered to get a ticket book out of my garage to use for my “Dumbass of the Week” who would inevitably pass my police car at 70 to 80 mph then act all indignant and stunned when I pulled them over and asked him/her if he/she was OK, or if he/she had possibly been drinking heavily to do something so dim? My game, as it were, was shot.

My police chief had recently retired, and then was surprised that he no longer had a job. (Read that one twice for clarification, folk.) My mayor was equally surprised to find that he had given the city council an ultimatum to keep the chief on contract or he would hand the whole department off to another agency, and failed in all regards to get his way, in part because apparently this was the largest staffed and budgeted operation in city government and tossing it away like the first pitch in a ballgame was only slightly less complicated than brain surgery, and in part because he hadn’t mentioned that plan to the other agency.

The chief has been a personal hero of mine since I was a teenager and still is, but I’m not following why everyone’s looking around in shock. I mean, how do you quit your job then get upset that you didn’t get to keep the job you quit, and how does a mayor get to coerce an entire branch of government without a plan (much less a viable option) and expect to get his way? I’m clearly seeking guidance here, but it shouldn’t be a lengthy explanation unless I’m further off base than I suspect.

(I must pause here for a breath.) As recently as Sunday, the mayor publicly touted such possible benefits of his forced consolidation as a joint city-

county firing range. Mr. Littlefield, we’ve had a joint firing range for more than 20 years. Is this the mind that’s about to fornicate with my halfbillion-dollar pension plans’ Deferred Retirement Option Plan? Dear God, someone just help me jam my toe in the trigger guard of this rifle. Let me do it, though, because I don’t want this guy to handle my suicide, much less my future.

Speaking of the fire and police pension, remember when he fought for control of it during his first term? Then found out he’s had a chair on its board the entire length of his term as mayor, during which he never once attended a meeting in which to fill said seat?

That was the time he hired a PR firm to handle city public relations, despite having a full-time public relations director on staff…and then he blamed the pension board for hiring a PR firm.

It’s me, God, Alex. Are you listening?

Order. I sought order, stability, and these coins might just do the trick. I finished the sorting, the placing and the turning into position and felt a warming satisfaction as I headed down the road towards the end of the shift. My coin problems were, for now, handled. One less thing.

I came to a stop behind a school bus at a red light, and became fixated on one of the kids facing out the back window with his hands placed flat upon it at 2 and 10 o’clock positions, his eyes half closed in ecstasy as he slowly licked the window in “S” patterns and figure eights, over and over. I frowned as I did the math by instinct: Would he be old enough to field for office the next election cycle? Because he’s got “Mayor” written ALL over him.

Until next week, my fellow travelers.

God knows anything can happen between now and then.

“I mean, how do you quit your job, then get mad you didn’t get to keep the job you quit, and how do you get to coerce an entire branch of government without a plan (much less viable option) and expect to get your way?”

When officer Alexander D. Teach is not patrolling our fair city on the heels of the criminal element, he is an occasional student at UTC, an up and coming carpenter, auto mechanic, prominent boating enthusiast, and spends his spare time volunteering for the Boehm Birth Defects Center. Follow him on Facebook at www.facebook.com/alexteach

April 8, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 14 | The Pulse

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Life in the Noog

By Chuck Crowder

Car 54, Where Are You? R

ecent explosive events at Coolidge Park have the bedroom community of North Chattanooga battening down the hatches a little tighter in an effort to keep out the bad element that calls the city park home during the nighttime hours. Seems the Crips, Bloods and even “flash mobs” are meeting up there to rumble on a regular basis these days.

What better place for the kids to get together than the city park? It was created as a public recreational space and these posses are just exercising their rights as citizens by keepin’ it real and chillin’ up in dat bee-atch. But it’s when the 4-1-1 turns South that Verizon’s network lights up with hundreds of local texts outlining the dets of a plan for da boyz to meet up by “the k-sel” and “put some caps in some asses.”

And that’s just what they did the other night—literally. Two or three victims were actually shot in the buttocks. This means that the shooter or shooters were likely young bangers who either didn’t want “murder was the case that they gave me” or they took the term too literally. Hindsight being 20/20 (no pun), I am now trying to understand all of the subtleties of the situation.

As outgoing Police Chief Freeman Cooper (with his trusty sidekick Mayor Ron Littlefield standing by) fielded questions on how a perceivably safe place could be compromised by such tomfoolery, I too wondered how this travesty could occur within plain sight of the Aquarium (for Pete’s sake).

Cooper summed up his last press conference as our city’s finest finest by assuring the public that this event was in no way gang related. Right. I guess

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all the red bandana people were just offended by those who chose to wear blue ones instead. It was a fashion faux pas that wasn’t going unnoticed, and might even get a nine leveled on a brotha’s ass.

The burning question of the day seemed to be the location, working order, and monitoring policies of the very expensive cameras purchased for surveillance at Coolidge and other locales where people congregate in public. I can’t recall his exact answer, but it was something to the effect that the cameras really didn’t catch that much.

But really, who’s watching these surveillance cameras? “Caught on video” might get someone arrested eventually, but it’s little comfort to someone being victimized right now.

Shouldn’t we at least have random checks of the camera’s view on the weekends (especially) by some crew back at HQ? Maybe they could alert the patrol cars when a crowd as large as the one estimated that night converges in a park that is supposed to be closed. In an attempt to skirt the camera questions, Littlefield knowingly asserted that these fast-acting, come-out-of-nowhere “flash mobs” are common, fierce and unpredictable. But I have a feeling this might be the first time he’s ever heard of, let alone used, the term “flash mob.”

What also amazed me was the ignorance of some of the questions posed to the poor police chief just trying to get his gold watch already. “Why don’t the shops close a little earlier so the area has fewer innocent bystanders after dark?” Lady, the event occurred at 9:30 p.m. The “shops” close at 6 p.m.

This isn’t Hamilton Place. The ones that

“In an attempt

do stay open past that time are generally serving food and drinks—to people indoors.

“Why don’t you give out tickets to violators who visit the park after hours?” Really. These kids were there to commit some serious felonies. Do you really think a $20 ticket is gonna save anyone from a life of crime at Coolidge Park? “When I got that ticket, that’s when I knew I had to turn my life around.” Whatever.

As any big-city folk will tell you, you just don’t go into a park after dark—plain and simple. Too dangerous.

With that in mind, I’d like to suggest one solution. Light that mother up.

Let’s take the old stadium lights from Engel and shine those bad boys down on the park at night. Everyone can see everyone else. No cover of night. I bet that would help.

What I know would help is more police presence in that area. Maybe even a small substation there. I think it’s a tourist-friendly part of town that we should place some sort of priority on keeping clean—especially when all of the dirty business going on there is starting to give the good guys a bad rap.

Word.

to skirt the camera questions, Littlefield knowingly asserted that these fastacting, comeout-of-nowhere ‘flash mobs’ are common, fierce and unpredictable.”

Chuck Crowder is a local writer and general man about town. His opinions are just that. Everything expressed is loosely based on fact, and crap he hears people talking about. Take what you just read with a grain of salt, but pepper it in your thoughts. And be sure to check out his popular website www.thenoog.com

Chattanooga's Weekly Alternative

dale deason mornings 5:30 - 9 zack cooper and rebecca cruz afternoons 4 - 7

WPLZ 95.3 FM News Talk Radio

www.chattanoogapulse.com

April 8, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 14 | The Pulse

29

Film Feature

Double-Dealing High Stakes

By Janis Hashe

“The documentary plays like a suspense movie, with people and organizations accusing each other of nefarious dealings and sub rosa plottings.”

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The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 14 | April 8, 2010

L

ove him or hate him, thank Michael Moore for shaking up the concept of the “stuffy” documentary.

And now we’ve got a chance to view another documentary, this one by director Don Argott, that has generated plenty of controversy since its release: The Art of the Steal, the second-tolast offering in this season’s AEC Independent Film Series.

The story is tailor-made for compelling film: Wildly successful pharmaceutical entrepreneur Albert C. Barnes was also an art collector with a golden touch: in the 1930’s, he began collecting primarily Impressionist artists, whose work was available at the time for a relative pittance. Van Gogh, Picasso, Degas and Renoir, Modigliani—he bought them all, and installed them in a custom-built complex in Merion, PA, alongside other works from the Greco-

Roman period, as well as African and Native American art.

At the same time, he created the Barnes Foundation to oversee the collection, and stipulated in what he believed to be an ironclad will that the collection was to remain intact and displayed in Merion.

Barnes, known as a cantankerous iconoclast, wanted nothing to do with the snooty “art patrons” of nearby Philadelphia.

But the Foundation’s endowment has shrunk over the years as the collection’s value has skyrocketed— it has been valued at more than $25 billion. And here is where Argott’s Art of the Steal comes in.

As explained in a Los Angeles Times review: “After Barnes’ death in 1951, battle lines were drawn to challenge his will and legacy.

“Some Barnes supporters dug in to keep the collection in place while other parties— bureaucrats, charity officials and the very arts institutions the patron so despised — strenuously worked to relocate the collection into [Philadephia].

“It’s a David and Goliath story with the might of organizations such as the Pew Charitable Trusts and the Philadelphia Museum of Art thrown into stark relief, depicted as strategically and legally outmaneuvering the Lincoln College trustees to defy the terms established in Barnes’ will.”

Barnes officials declined to be interviewed for the film, which, interestingly, has generated criticism for being too one-sided—on their side.

The documentary plays like a suspense movie, with people and organizations accusing each other of nefarious dealings and sub rosa plottings; as the LAT review notes: “The movie’s ‘a-ha’ moments include former Philadelphia mayor (and current Pennsylvania governor) Edward G. Rendell admitting that the initiative to relocate the financially shaky Barnes collection came as part of a planned effort to create an international tourist draw for the city.

“And…art critic Christopher Knight speaks about an explosive story he broke in 2006: how $107 million in state appropriations had been earmarked for the collection’s relocation before a county court heard final arguments from a group challenging the move.”

Whatever you might think about who’s lying and who’s telling the truth, one of the bigger issues raised is: Who owns great art? Does someone who died in 1951 have the right to restrict access to some of the world’s greatest masterpieces? You’ve got to love any documentary that gets people so riled up about….paintings.

Van Gogh, who sold only one painting in his lifetime (“The Red Vineyard”, for 400 francs), would likely be bemused by this tale of treachery and high finance —with some of his works as its fulcrum.

The Art of the Steal (part of the AEC Independent Film Series) Directed by Don Argott Not rated Running time: 101 minutes

Chattanooga's Weekly Alternative

New in Theaters

Also in Theaters

Date Night

Clash of the Titans Sam Worthington stars as the warrior Perseus, who finds himself in the ultimate struggle for power between gods, kings and men.

Tyler Perry’s Why Did I Get Married Too? Four close couples gather in the Bahamas for their annual reunion, but are faced with the challenges of commitment and fidelity.

The Last Song Miley Cyrus must spend the summer with her estranged father, connecting through the only thing they have in common—music.

Hot Tub Time Machine A group of burned-out best friends travel back in time—courtesy of a magical hot tub—and get a second chance to rediscover their mojo.

How to Train Your Dragon A Viking teenager who is being trained to fight dragons encounters and ultimately befriends one of the flying fire-breathers.

The Bounty Hunter Gerard Butler and Jennifer

Over the past several months, fans of the romantic comedy film genre have been bombarded with rote films starring reasonably attractive people who, alas, have no discernable chemistry and were tied down with bland, banal dialog and limp plots. Which is why Shawn Levy’s Date Night is like a breath of fresh air in a tired, tepid atmosphere of rom-com lethargy. It also helps tremendously to have the very gifted Tina Fey and Steve Carell convincingly portraying a married couple looking to add a little zest to a happy but somewhat stale relationship. It’s a scenario nearly every married couple can relate to, which sets it apart from the recent crop of rom-coms. You not only believe these two people are real people, you root for them as they straddle the fine line between comedy and tragedy. Add in excellent supporting work from the underrated Mark Wahlberg (as a dimbulb hunkadelic security guard) and Ray Liotta (happily typecast as a Mafia boss) along with the wonderful pairing of James Franco and Mila Kunis as a pair of tattooed “wild siders”, and you have a sharp cast to pair with a sharp script. The action is well directed, the plot twists are both believable and relatable, and the chemistry between Fey and Carell is so believable it’s hard

www.chattanoogapulse.com

to imagine that the two aren’t married in real life. They have a comfortable rapport with one another that ties the entire film together, especially in the pole dancing scene (which is enough of a tease). Romantic comedies are all too often marketed as “date movies” for single people. With Date Night, we finally have a worthy rom-com for married people wishing to enjoy a—well—date night.

Starring: Tina Fey, Steve Carell Director: Shawn Levy Rating: PG-13

Aniston star in an action comedy about bounty hunter hired to track down his bail-jumping ex-wife.

Diary of a Wimpy Kid Greg Heffley, a wisecracking, undersized middle-school weakling, must navigate and survive the travails of an academic year.

Repo Men Jude Law is a futuristic repo men who fails to make heart transplant payments, and must go on the run from his former partner.

Hubble 3D A 3-D journey with spacewalking astronauts as they attempt the most difficult and important tasks in NASA’s history.

Green Zone Matt Damon is a rogue U.S. Army officer hunting through covert and faulty intelligence before war escalates in an unstable region.

She’s Out of My League Against all odds, an outrageously gorgeous girl falls for an average Joe, much to everyone’s

surprise—including his own.

Remember Me Robert Pattinson and Emilie De Ravin are star-crossed lovers who struggle to deal with family tragedies that threaten their relationship.

Alice in Wonderland Director Tim Burton takes on the whimsical world of Alice, who embarks on a fantastical journey to find her true destiny.

Brooklyn’s Finest Richard Gere, Don Cheadle and Ethan Hawke are NYPD cops caught up in the violence and corruption of the gritty 65th Precinct.

The Secret of Kells An animated retelling of the provenance of one of Ireland’s most cherished artifacts, the ancient and magical Book of Kells.

Cop Out Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan are NYPD partners who find themselves up against a merciless, memorabiliaobsessed gangster.

April 8, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 14 | The Pulse

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Chattanooga's Weekly Alternative

Joy Stick

By Erik Bhatnagar

Simple But Enjoyable Just Cause 2 W

e are only three months into the new decade, but I have already played some great games. There were games like Mass Effect 2 and Heavy Rain where I found myself fully invested into the characters and their stories, and had to make decisions for them that were intense, suspenseful, and sometimes tragic.

There was God of War III, where its sheer brutality and epic scale left me breathless at times, and Bayonetta, whose insane fighting techniques and larger-than-life boss battles had my eyes almost popping out of my sockets.

Yet while those games were fantastic, sometimes I want something different.

A game where the storyline and characters aren’t all that important.

Where there is no attempt at realism and it’s just you against a bunch of nameless foes in an open world setting.

You can shoot anyone, explore almost anywhere, and destroy anything that gets in your way. Thankfully, that is what Just Cause 2 sets out to do, and with a few exceptions, it does it perfectly.

Just Cause 2 is simple: You play Rico Rodriguez, a secret US agent, who has the license to pretty do much anything.

He is dropped off at the fictional South Pacific island, Panau, to hunt down another American agent accused of going rogue. But unsurprisingly, it’s not that easy. The country is full of corruption, the government is no help, and there is violence everywhere. In order to find his target, Rico is forced to work with three rebel factions, who will provide him the intel he needs if he helps out their causes. The missions aren’t the most original: take over bases, sabotage plants, rescue prisoners, and kidnap targets. Also, you can get points called “Chaos”, by blowing stuff up, like gas stations and fuel tanks. The points you receive help unlock weapons, cars, and equipment, and also advance you to the next main story mission.

Thankfully, Rico has two items that make Just Cause 2 different from the typical gun-shooting, explosion-filled, open world games. First, he has a grappling hook attached to his arm.

You can use it to scale mountains, launch yourself onto buildings, and hijack helicopters. Oh, and you can

Solution To Last Week’s Puzzle

also attach it to enemies and send them flying. And did I mention you could also attach both ends to different things? The only thing better then attaching one end to an enemy’s car and another to a pole and watching the car fly, is attaching one end to an enemy and the other end to a propel tank, and watching him blast off into the air. The possibilities are endless and provide some of the best laughs in quite some time.

Rico also has an unlimited supply of parachutes to get around. After scaling a mountain, jumping out of a helicopter, or even during mid-grapple, you can use it to explore the country from above, without the fear of dying. And if you like risks, you can discontinue it midair, if you want to freefall some more, and pull it again at the last minute. The controls for it work perfectly, and you can spend a lot of time relaxing and enjoying the scenery.

It helps that the country of Panau is a beautiful country to explore. It isn’t your typical tropical island, to say the least. While there are vast jungles, forests, waterfalls, and crisp, clear oceans and beaches, there are deserts and even snow-covered mountains to parachute and zip around.

This is actually one of the best-looking games I’ve seen in quite some time, and considering how big Panau is makes it even more impressive.

Despite all this, there are a few negatives. While auto aiming works fine, good luck trying to actually aim and shoot. Bad button assignment plus spotty-at-best aiming mechanics make it

a chore to do. While dying in the game is for the most part is painless (you won’t loose any weapons or money), the checkpoints on the main missions aren’t great, and can make dying in them a pain. It’s not the worst thing ever, but there were a few times that did make me loose my cool.

Finally, the story is flimsy, the dialogue is simple and hilarious, and the voice acting is ridiculously bad. The character development is pretty much nonexistent. Rico doesn’t have the charm that recent video-game heroes have had; the enemies are just there to scream and yell while you kill them, and the faction leaders are video-game stereotypes. One is a suit-wearing talker straight out of a Mafia film, another is a crazy man always making “wacky” remarks, and the third is a beautiful woman, who peppers her speeches with numerous double entendres and has a flirty attitude aimed at Rico. Not a single character will be joining the ranks of classic video-game characters, or even some of the popular recent ones, like Nathan Drake or Nikko Bellic.

Still, Just Cause 2 is one of the most entertaining experiences I’ve had in quite some time. I highly recommend that you strap on the parachute, lock on the grappling hook, and began exploring the beautiful country Panau.

And if a solider comes after you, feel free to attach him to a speeding car, and watch him be dragged off into the burning fuel tank you just blew up.

Play N Trade, 5084 South Terrace, Suite 18, East Ridge. (423) 386-5996.

“This is actually one of the best-looking games I’ve seen in quite some time, and considering how big Panau is makes it even more impressive.”

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April 8, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 14 | The Pulse

33

Spirits Within

By Joshua Hurley

Vodka, Texas Style T

his week will return us to the usual “Great Buy” column. If you’re new to my column, Great Buys is where Riley’s Wine and Spirits on Hixson Pike in Hixson picks a standout from a large selection of wine and spirits from around the world and shares it with the readership of The Pulse. This week’s pick is Tito’s Vodka.

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The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 14 | April 8, 2010

Of course I’ve talked about vodka before. Well, here’s a recap on its history: Vodka is a clear, distilled spirit composed of water and ethyl alcohol. Its name comes from the Russian word voda, which, in fact, means water. No one is 100 percent certain of vodka’s origin but it’s accepted that it originated in the grain-growing region that is Poland, western Russia and Lithuania sometime in the early 1400’s. In those times, it was used as a medicine and a large amount of pharmaceutical lists from that period contain the terms “vodka of bread wine” or “vodka in half bread wine”.

Vodka is made in the same way as whiskey. Like whiskey, vodka is also distilled from water and natural grains. Whiskey, on the other hand, is distilled to a low proof to help retain flavor. Vodka is distilled at a high proof, which produces a clear, natural spirit. Proof, you surely remember, is alcohol content and the higher the alcohol content, the more subtle its distilled source (such as grains, potatoes, grapes, etc.) tastes.

When vodka first came to the U.S., it wasn’t widely accepted.

Americans were used to drinking whiskey or rum, which do have more complex taste characteristics.

It wasn’t until the early 1950’s that vodka’s versatility in mixed drinks was discovered. A Hollywood restaurateur, with excess stock of ginger ale, decided to mix vodka, ginger ale and lime together, naming the drink the “Moscow Mule”. With Hollywood elite as customers, the drink’s popularity spread throughout the country. In the mid 1950’s, vodka’s U.S. sales

only accounted for 3 percent of the American spirits market; today vodka represents 29 percent.

Tito’s Handmade Vodka is made in Austin, Texas, in the Lone Star State’s first legal distillery, Mockingbird. Its founder, Bert Butler “Tito” Beveridge, founded the distillery in 1997, beginning by producing only 1,000 cases a year.

Tito’s would soon make waves in the spirit world with total yearly production in 2007 reaching an astonishing 160,000 cases a year.

In 2001, Tito’s won the prestigious “Double Gold” at San Francisco’s World Spirits Competition, where it beat out 71 higher priced premium vodkas. What makes Tito’s so attractive? First, it’s distilled from yellow corn, not grain or potatoes, giving its aftertaste a memorable sweetness that’s not overpowering.

Secondly, it’s distilled six times, making it smoother than any other vodka in its price range. Tito’s Handmade Vodka has a light, clean aroma (you may even smell a slight nuance of yellow corn), with a full vodka palate, followed by a slightly sweet aftertaste. Riley’s offers ‘Tito’s Vodka’ in all sizes: • 375 ml - $11.19; The “try it” size!

• 750 ml - $18.76 • 1 liter - $21.97 • 1.75 liter - $29.99; best valuesave!

Cheers!

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The Pulse • Dining Out Spotlight

Find Your Favorites at Fireside Grille

by Colleen Wade Remember that place from the ’80’s—you know, the one where everybody knew your name? I’ve found it! Right here in Lookout Valley! How do I know I found it? Well, as I was sitting at the bar there, interviewing Linda Edmonston, the bartender, and Shelley Whittington, a waitress at Fireside Grille on Cummings Highway in Tiftonia, one of their regulars walked in and was greeted with a chorus so reminiscent of the “Hey Norm!” of that famous place.

Not only is the service remindful of the famed tavern, so is the atmosphere.

Dark walls and low ambient lighting make the Fireside Grille the perfect place for an after-work get-together with friends or a romantic night out with that special person.

For the sports enthusiast, there’s a wall full of Tennessee memorabilia and another covered in Crimson Tide memorabilia and three televisions constantly broadcasting some sporting event or another. It’s no surprise that Fireside Grille has been such a success since opening in February of 2005. Don Breedlove, owner of the restaurant, has had a great many years in the food industry. Breedlove was the former owner of Patrick’s in Tiftonia, which enjoyed popular success before it burned

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several years ago.

Aside from the service and the ambiance, patrons of Fireside Lounge enjoy a diverse menu ranging from appetizers such as chicken or steak quesadillas, crab cakes, or coconut shrimp, to entrees like 16-oz. T-bone steaks, an 8-oz. Flat Iron steak, or even a two-lobster dinner with salads for less than $22. There are salads loaded

with lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers, cheese, onions, and bacon on an enormous plate. You can order a 16-oz.

New York Strip Jack Daniel’s Style. All meats are freshly cut right in the kitchen of Fireside Grille. Order up a half slab of Fireside Grille’s ribs—that’s about eight ribs— with a salad for less than $10.

If you’re not looking for dinner, you’ll find their Happy Hour extremely satisfying.

Every day from 3 p.m. until 7 p.m., you’ll find reduced beer prices. Stop in, order up an appetizer to share— some fried mushrooms, buffalo wings, or jalapeno poppers, belly up to the bar and wet your whistle. Not in the mood for sharing an appetizer? Order your own grilled ham-and-cheese sandwich or a half-pound bacon cheeseburger, some fries, tater tots or the everpopular hush puppies. You’ll be glad you made the drive!

And if it’s entertainment you’re looking for, look no further. Thursday through Saturday nights, Fireside Grille features karaoke with Wayne Hightower.

Fireside Grille, 3018-J Cummings Highway, Tiftonia. Monday through Thursday, 3 p.m. – 11 p.m; Friday and Saturday, 3 p.m. – midnight; Sundays, 3 p.m. – 10 p.m. (423) 821-9898.

April 8, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 14 | The Pulse

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Free Will Astrology ARIES (March 21-April 19): It would be a good week for you to perfect your ability to crow like a rooster, Aries. I also recommend that you practice your skill at leaping out of bed in the morning fully refreshed, with your imagination primed and ready to immediately begin making creative moves. Other suggested exercises: being on the alert for what’s being born; holding a vision of the dawn in your heart throughout the day; and humorously strutting around like you own whatever place you’re in.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): I got a spam email containing supposed words of wisdom from the Dalai Lama. “We spend more, but have less,” it said. “We have more conveniences, but less time; more experts, yet more problems.” It went on like this for a while. I was suspicious. It seemed to contain too many pop platitudes to have been uttered by the Dalai Lama. With Google’s help, I did some research and discovered that the passage was actually the handiwork of pastor Bob Moorehead, who resigned from his Seattle church under a cloud of allegations about misconduct.

I urge you to make similar investigations of the ostensible truths you receive this week, Taurus.

You may find discrepancies as major as the differences between the Dalai Lama and Bob Moorehead.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): A life-long dream of mine came true recently, and I didn’t even know it was a life-long dream until it happened.

It struck unexpectedly on a Tuesday afternoon.

My daughter called on the phone from her college dorm room, wanting to discuss an essay she’d been assigned for her History of Modern Art class. She really liked it, but there were some points she wanted to understand better, and she thought my input might help. The essay? The “Surrealistic Manifesto,” formulated in 1924 by the writer André Breton. Years ago, it was a crucial document in my own development as a young poet. The opportunity to share its heady brew with the beloved child I used to push on a swing was startlingly blissful. I predict a similar event for you in the coming days, Gemini: the fruition of a life-long dream you didn’t even know you had.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): It’s probably true for a lot of celebrities that their public personas are not accurate reflections of their private lives.

One striking example is actress Megan Fox, who’s famous for being a sex goddess. But the fact is, she told Harper’s Bazaar magazine, she has only slept with two men in her life, and it makes her ill to even contemplate having sex with someone she doesn’t love. While it may not bother her to have a reputation that’s so different from her inner world, I wouldn’t say the same about you— especially now. I urge you to do what you can to create more harmony between the version of yourself that you project outward and the version of yourself you actually live in.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): In her poem “The Gift,” Chinese poet Shu Ting writes, “I dream the dream of a pond who lives not just to mirror the sky but to let willow trees on the bank drink me up.” This would be an excellent dream for you to dream in the coming week, Leo. It would also be empowering for you to render its themes in your waking life. I think you will derive great pleasure and sound teaching from mirroring a soaring archetype and feeding an intimate primal force. (Shu Ting’s poem was translated by Tony Barnstone and Newton Liu.) VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Are you an athlete?

If so, I suspect that you will soon make an adjustment in your training or technique that will improve your game. Are you an artist, musician, writer, performer, or dancer? I bet you will get a sweet insight about the creative process that could revolutionize your work in the months to come.

Are you a pilgrim on a meandering long-distance quest to a promised land whose location you’re not exactly sure of? Any minute now, you’ll uncover a clue that will dramatically narrow down the possibilities of where the promised land is.

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The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 14 | April 8, 2010

By Rob Brezsny

JONESIN’

By Matt Jones

1, 2, 3, 4...”

–you know the rest?

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): There may be times in the coming week when you will in a sense be dreaming while standing up. On other occasions, you may be hard at work while lying down. In fact, I suspect that the law of reversals will be in full bloom. Things that have been last will, at least temporarily, be first, and influences that have calmed you down will rile you up. What has been crazy may be quite sane, and what has been in the shadows will come into the light. Tight squeezes may turn into expansive releases and heavy-duty commitments will get a dose of slack—and vice versa. Always vice versa.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Every one of us in engaged in some ongoing battle with ourselves.

Maybe there’s a conflict between our heart and head. Maybe we’re trying to stop expressing some behavior that we know is self-destructive but seems all too natural and easy to do. Maybe we feel guilty about or resentful toward some event from the past, and are constantly fighting with its after-image. Whatever your version of the civil war might be, Scorpio, the coming weeks will be an excellent time to reduce the heat of the strife.

But you’ll have to be ingenious as you reframe the way you think about the situation, and you’ll have to locate a reservoir of willpower that has been hidden in your depths.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): This would be an excellent time for you to take inventory of what brings you pleasure. According to my reading of the astrological omens, you’re due for an update and upgrade. Some of your triedand-true strategies for generating joys and thrills are fraying at the edges. You should consider refurbishing them, even as you also think about going in quest of fresh sources of delight. For extra credit, see if you can gain access to an experience that could accurately be described as “a blessed state of bliss.”

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): It would be smart for you to whet your appetite, but please don’t go too far and spoil your appetite. Imagine and plan for the feast to come; make sure the evolution of the feast is on track; but don’t try to actually enjoy the entire feast yet. It’s not ready, you see. The “cooking” isn’t complete.

To dive in now would be like eating a chocolate cake that has only been baking in the oven for ten minutes. In conclusion, Capricorn, strike a balance between practicing watchful patience and cultivating protective excitement.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Your key word for the week is “fulcrum.” It’s derived from a Latin verb meaning “to prop up, support,” and its definitions include the following: 1. the stable point on which a lever pivots; 2. the crux of a percussionist’s grip as he or she holds a drumstick; 3. an agent through which vital powers are exercised. I suggest you meditate on where the metaphorical fulcrums are in your life, and then take creative measures to give them extra care and enhance their strength.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): I’m wearing a replica of an ancient Egyptian atef, a white crown surmounted by two ostrich feathers. My white cashmere robe, decorated with Qabalistic sigils, was sewn for me by a Wiccan priestess. My wand is shaped like the head of a Kalao bird and once belonged to a shaman from Burkina Faso. Aided by these accessories, I gaze into my magic mirror and conjure the spirit of my deceased great-uncle Felix, a successful businessman born under the sign of Pisces. He has always been a reliable source of inside info for me in the past. “Dear ancestor,” I murmur, “do you have an oracular revelation for my Piscean readers?” And he replies: “Tell them their money mojo is stronger than usual. Urge them to bargain aggressively and make sure they get a percentage of the gross, not just of the net profits.”

Homework: Listen to two versions of the song “You Taste Delicious” at http://bit.ly/ YouTasteDelicious. Tell me your favorite at Truthrooster@gmail.com

Across 1 Cruel stuff 7 Rat 11 It creates a big bang 14 Keys on the piano?

15 Nobelist Wiesel 16 “Ni ___, Kai-Lan” (Nickelodeon cartoon) 17 “...what are we ___?” (from a protest chant) 19 Actress Mendes 20 Stimpy’s smarter half 21 Villainous look 22 Assassinated Egyptian 24 Singer DiFranco and namesakes 26 “...tell me that you ___” (from a Feist song) 28 Full of prickles 30 Friend of Pooh 31 “___ Without a Face” (Billy Idol song) 32 “___! The Genetic Opera” 35 Scotts Miracle-___ 36 “...I declare ___” (from a kids’ game) 39 650, to Nero 41 Heavy burden 42 Lockup, in Liverpool 45 Place to catch a play in Italy 47 It’s put up for celebrations 49 “...get your woman ___” (from a Coolio dance song)

53 “And here it is!”

54 Harding in 1990s tabloids 55 Like some mothers 57 King theorized to have died from malaria 58 Letter in frat names 59 “...I love the ___” (from “Full Metal Jacket”) 62 Good name 63 Of grand proportions 64 Cheesy chip 65 AMA members 66 “___, Where’s My Car?” 67 Attach, in a way Down 1 “Everything Is Illuminated” author Jonathan ___ Foer 2 Property transfer recipient 3 It can’t be taken away, in “The Greatest Love of All” 4 “___ bin ein Berliner” 5 Takes a breather 6 For the most part 7 Israeli desert 8 Woodard of “Desperate Housewives” 9 2016 Olympics setting 10 Olympic heptathlete Jackie Joyner-___ 11 It’s shown when kicking someone out

12 Jane’s Addiction guitarist Dave 13 Precisely 18 Prefix for classicist 23 “The Queen of Christian Pop” 25 Under the radar 27 “Scratch my head!” to a cat 29 WWII naval vessel 32 Bleed, like dye 33 Aussie bird 34 Network for Ken Burns documentaries 37 Donkey feature 38 Turkish title 39 Stood for 40 Little snoozes 43 Vacationing 44 Resulted in 45 In full duration, like a pregnancy 46 Reprimanded, with “out” 47 Makes babies 48 Squeals, as with a perp 50 Sensational and shocking 51 In reserve 52 Have power over 56 Insecticide once hawked by Muhammad Ali 60 TV’s Nahasapeemapetilon 61 “...man ___ mouse?”

©2010 Jonesin’ Crosswords (editor@jonesincrosswords.com) For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle #0462.

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April 8, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 14 | The Pulse

37

Ask A Mexican!

By Gustavo Arellano

Special Census Edition Dear Mexican, I know that Mexicans and pochos can be black, white, Asian, and indios, but I just got my United States census form.

Figured you would be the best person to ask about question #9-Race.

I know I’m not white, (I been pulled over too many times for BS reasons), I’m not black (I haven’t been beaten by the chota like my black amigos), I am not Asian (I sucked at math and have a perfect driving record), and I am not Native American (I don’t have long hair or a dream catcher). The Census has been kind enough to allow me to identify myself as Hispanic of Mexican ancentry, but not as my race. Instead, I get to make up my own race. Any suggestions?

— Viva La Raza Dear Wab, I haven’t heard so much unnecessary whining from Mexicans about an issue since Carlos Menstealia decided to call himself a beaner. Primer point: since when are we supposed to take the U.S. Census’ racial classification seriously? This is the same clump of the government caca pie that has spent a good century trying to exactly determine what Mexicans are—“white” one decade, of “Hispanic” origin the other, maybe “masters of Aztlán” soon. We’ve proven a clusterf**k for the government because, well, that’s what Mexicans are to this country—a grand, glorious, tequila-soaked chingazo to American racial taxonomies, and anything we can to do further destroy racial classifications in this country is bueno. Government can’t decide what we are? Good.

All this said, the ninth question in the Census—despite its rigid caste classifications—does allow people to decide what race you are (the Mexican picked “CHINGÓN” as his raza, and

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The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 14 | April 8, 2010

urges the rest of ustedes to do the same) if you don’t like thinking of yourself as a gabacho, negrito, indio, or all the different chinitos they list. Prefer the conquistador in your blood over the mestizo?

Fill it in. Think you’re fullblooded Nahua despite the bigote on your lip and your güera grandma? Fill it in. Happy with Question 8, which has a category for anyone who has any roots to Mexico? Check it. But stop the grand existential dilemna and teeth-gnashing over the imperfect Census, banda: do we really expect anything right to come out of Washington regarding Mexicans and public policy? Been one disaster after another since 1846.

Dear Mexican, I am a güera from the Midwest who married a chiapaneco. Before I married a Mexican, I never had any problems with the Census. But this year, while filling it out for the family, I got stuck on question number 9, which asked me to decide what race my husband is. He says mexicano; I say he’s mexicano, too. The 2010 census however, says that mexicano is not a race. Who decides that shit? I read once that you said the Census is a crock of mierda anyway, so I figured I’d ask you. What race is a dark-skinned chiapaneco from el Soconusco? — Confundida con el Censo Dear Gabacha, From the southernmost region in Chiapas, the southernmost Mexican state? Probably Mayan of some sort, so he’s an Indian—but, wait! No box for Mexican Indians! Gracias for allowing

me another excuse to rant about the Census. Honestly, and no matter what Vaconcellos wrote and gabachos believe? “Mexican” is not a race; it’s a nationality, and one that even some of its inhabitants won’t fully embrace.

But how pendejo is it of the Census to allow the various chinito nationalities to classify them as distinct races, but not Latinos? Last I checked, Asia had as much miscegenation going on as Mexis, as much conquests and ethnic conflicts as the Empire of the Sun—yet somehow they constitute distinct, pure razas, and not us? Since when did the Census hire Lou Dobbs to decide racial classifications?

“The ninth question in the Census does allow people to decide what race you are (the Mexican picked ‘CHINGÓN’ as his raza, and urges the rest of ustedes to do the same).”

Dear Mexican, The U.S. Census says Mexicans are white. How can that be?

— Born a Baboso Dear Gabacho, The U.S. Census doesn’t say any such thing. It allows us to be white if we want—and why not? Someone has to shore up the numbers and prestige for that declining raza in this country...

Ask the Mexican at themexican@ askamexican.net, myspace.com/ocwab, facebook.com/garellano, youtube.com/ askamexicano, find him on, Twitter, or write via snail mail at: Gustavo Arellano, P.O. Box 1433, Anaheim, CA 92815.

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