The Pulse - Vol. 7, Issue 23

Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative

FREE • News, Views, i Music, i Film, i Arts & Entertainment i • June 10, 2010 • Volume 7, Issue 23 • www.chattanoogapulse.com

President Jim Brewer, II Publisher Zachary Cooper Contributing Editor Janis Hashe News Editor / Art Director Gary Poole Advertising Manager Rhonda Rollins Advertising Sales Rick Leavell, Leif Sawyer, Townes Webb Graphic Design Jennifer Grelier Staff Photographer Louis Lee Contributing Writers Gustavo Arellano, Rob Brezsny Chuck Crowder, Helene Houses Joshua Hurley, Phillip Johnston Matt Jones, Ernie Paik Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D. Stephanie Smith, Alex Teach Editorial Cartoonist Rick Baldwin Calendar Editor Kathryn Dunn Editorial Interns Elana Acosta, Ashley Miller Copy Assistant Bryanna Burns Videography Josh Lang Contact Info: Phone (423) 648-7857 Fax (423) 648-7860 info@chattanoogapulse.com Calendar Submissions calendar@chattanoogapulse.com The Pulse is published weekly and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publishers may take more than one copy per weekly issue.

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Brewer Media Group 1305 Carter Street Chattanooga, Tennessee 37402 Letters to the editor must include name, address and daytime phone number for verification. The Pulse reserves the right to edit letters for space and clarity. Please keep letters within 500 words in length.

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AL E TE se NU W UA Pul AN HY AD he W GR n T 'T k i

Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative

N ee DO t w x ne

JUNE

11 GEORGE CLINTON: ONE NATION UNDER A GROOVE

By Pulse Staff As Ted Friedman points out in his definitive essay, “Making It Funky: The Signifyin(g) Politics of George Clinton’s Parliafunkadelicment Thang”, few modern music phrases are better known—and more misquoted—than George Clinton/Funkadelic’s “Free your mind, and your ass will follow.”

feature stories

news & views

By Stephanie Smith As a child growing up in St. Lucia in the Caribbean, Taj Weekes was exposed to all different kinds of music on the radio—reggae, calypso, rock ’n roll—in addition to the liberation theology and music he grew up with in church.

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22 GOING THE WHOLE HOG

everything else

16 STILL ONE WORLD, ONE LOVE

By Helene Houses Playwright Greg Kotis has an intriguing mind. His obsessions seem to take in the destructive power of dreams, the illusions of love, and a political view that verges on fanatic Libertarianism.

28 SOMETIMES SIZE REALLY DOES MATTER

By Gary Poole As technology has advanced by leaps and bounds over the decades, we are presented with a wider variety of entertainment choices than ever before. As a child growing up in the 1970s, my choices were fairly limited.

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PULSE BEATS BEYOND THE HEADLINES SHRINK RAP LIFE IN THE NOOG ON THE BEAT ASK A MEXICAN

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR CITY COUNCILSCOPE POLICE BLOTTER THE LIST NEW MUSIC REVIEWS MUSIC CALENDAR A&E CALENDAR FREE WILL ASTROLOGY JONESIN’ CROSSWORD NEW IN THEATERS SPIRITS WITHIN

Letters to the Editor Local Produce I applaud Jim Pfitzer for a wonderful story and The Pulse for helping to spread the word about local farmers and how beneficial it is to the local economy and the environment to “buy local”. Considering how much money is spent transporting food across the country and even the world, it’s just common sense to help out local farmers and cut back on emissions and such used in nationwide transport. I would love to see more restaurants and even the big supermarket chains such as Bi-Lo and Walmart start stocking locally grown produce.

Jennifer Standbury Save Memorial Auditorium Shutting down the Memorial Auditorium would be a really bad move. It’s hard enough to get concerts and stage shows to come to the city as it is. Now you want to shut the doors on one of the only venues in town that can actually accommodate them...insane.

Now leasing it out, there’s an idea. Why not turn the venue over to an agent that will actually utilize it? Memorial Auditorium has long been under-appreciated and underutilized. There are those companies that have

done well with older facilities, such as AC Entertainment with the Tennessee Theatre and Bijou Theatre in Knoxville. Why not seek an entertainment group such as them to do so here? Put someone in charge of it that won’t be afraid to bring in those “rowdy” concerts that the city fathers are so afraid of.

To me, the idea of the city being in charge of entertainment is very messed up anyway. I don’t want them deciding what entertainment is brought in anyway...it is almost always bad.

Paul Wilson Recalling The Mayor As I understand the signatures must be original, registered city voters [to recall Mayor Littlefield]. 13,000 to 16,000 is a huge undertaking. How do you get the signatures of this many registered voters in the city?

Would love to help Mayor Littlefield and his cronies pack, but getting verifiable signatures will be difficult, I think.

Allison E. Being vs. Doing Wonderful, Doctor Rick! [Shrink Rap, “To Be, To Do, and To Have”] Your thoughts about “being” versus “doing” really struck a

chord, and is a very helpful reminder to take the time to ponder exactly what it is we value in this life. Your past couple of columns on where we’re heading on our journeys, and the importance of courage and creativity in building a rich, authentic existence, have sparked some wonderful conversations and insights among my family and friends.

Thank you for writing in ways that go beyond “typical” shrink topics, and help us to expand our minds and hearts. Keep them coming!

Rev. Bill Wallace

Send all letters to the editor and questions to info@chattanoogapulse.com We reserve the right to edit letters for content and space. Please include your full name, city and contact information.

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The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 23 | June 10, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

Pulse Beats

Quote Of The Week:

A rundown of the newsy, the notable, and the notorious...

“The burden for maintaining the institution [of higher education] is falling with increasing weight onto students.”

—Jim Catanzaro, president of Chattanooga State Community College, on a proposed plan to raise tuitions for two-year students at state community colleges.

Dragon Boat Festival On Track For Growth Nearly 50 teams are already registered for the 4th Annual Chattanooga Dragon Boat Festival, benefiting T.C. Thompson Children’s Hospital Foundation. Registration remains open until July 2. Last year, 49 teams competed, and already for 2010, the event is on track to exceed that number. The event will be Saturday, July 24, at the TVA Park at Chickamauga Dam. Register online at racedragonboats.com.

Paddlers raise pledges to benefit the foundation, which totaled $93K a year ago. The fundraising goal this year is $125,000. Teams are raising money online now at ww.erlanger. org/dragonboat.

Racing features teams of 20 paddlers, a drummer and steerer in authentic Hong Kong-style dragon boats. All ages, skill levels and physiques can participate, making it the ultimate team-building sport, requiring synchronicity and finesse more than power to win. In its fourth year, this event is the ultimate in fun and fundraising.

Each team will get two on-water practices the week prior to the event and compete in at least two heats on race day. Festival teams with the best race heat times battle for the title of Grand Champion.

Additionally, the event coincides with USDBF Club Crew National Championships.

Club crews from all over the U.S. will race from July 23-25 for prize money and entry into World Club Crew Championships in Hong Kong in 2012.

More information is online at racedragonboats.com or be calling (423) 778-4688.

Here is one of the more interesting agenda items set to be discussed at the Tuesday, June 15 meeting of the Chattanooga City Council.

Protesting BP In Chattanooga On Thursday, June 10, between 11 a.m. and 1 p.m. and again between 5 p.m. and 7 p.m. citizens from around the greater Chattanooga area will rally at the BP gas station at 5012 Hixson Pike, in front of Northgate Mall, to encourage others to take action and boycott all BP stations, according to Chris Brooks of the local chapter of MoveOn.org. According to Brooks, “We will also contact our elected representatives and urge them to hold BP financially accountable, increase and tighten governmental regulations, and deploy all available resources to the Gulf region for immediate cleanup and remediation. The full extent of the damage and destruction to our planet and communities will not be truly known for decades, but one thing is clear: December is too long a time to wait for the spill to stop. We only have one planet, but we have many voices and together we will have them heard.”

The impetus behind the rallies is defined as follows: “We the people, the tax-paying U.S. citizens who own the deepwater site currently leased to the corrupt and criminally negligent multinational corporation British Petroleum, do hereby declare that we will not tolerate the annihilation of entire ecosystems in the Gulf, nor will we accept the loss of livelihood for the hard-working families in the region, and we refuse to excuse the ongoing failure of the United States government to advance the interests of citizens and our planet over and beyond corporate profits.” For further information about the rallies, contact Brooks at dcbrooks7@gmail.com.

9. Departmental Reports: a) Department of Human Services b) Department of Parks and Recreation c) Department of Public Works d) Department of Neighborhood Services e) Department of Education, Arts & Culture f) Fire Department g) Police Department h) Department of Personnel i) Department of Finance and Administration j) City Attorney Each week at the City Council meeting, the heads of each department have the opportunity to address the council on any needs or requests. But there’s more than that—the heads of the departments are also there to address citizen concerns directly. So if you have an idea, suggestion or complaint about something that is covered by one of the above departments, this is a perfect opportunity to direct it to the top person.

The Chattanooga City Council meets each Tuesday at 6 p.m. in the City Council Building at 1000 Lindsay St. For more information on the agenda and minutes from past meetings, visit www.

Chattanooga.gov/City_Council/110_Agenda.asp

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Beyond The Headlines

A Summer Of Stand

By Phillip Johnston

“Citizens need to know that their voice matters in the community conversation, but people so often need an opportunity to make their voice heard.”

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ast summer, an energetic group of yellow-shirted volunteers hit the streets to hand out an equally yellow survey asking anyone and everyone to answer four questions for the future of Chattanooga. This was Chattanooga Stand, purposed first and foremost on taking Chattanooga’s pulse and finding out citizen reactions to life in the city.

CreateHere is an incubator for taking action on those survey results, particularly on concerns outlined by Chattanooga’s citizenry in the areas of crime, education, and the environment. When the Stand results were released a little over a month ago, CreateHere immediately went to work planning a series of “civic interventions” that would address these particular areas by connecting Chattanooga citizens and entities through collaborative, community-building efforts for

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the betterment of the city.

Planned for June-September of this year, Stand & Deliver: Safety is the first in this series and is aimed at reducing crime in the Chattanooga area. It is an exciting and accessible opportunity for Chattanooga citizens to be involved in the life of their city.

“Citizens need to know that their voice matters in the community conversation, but people so often need an opportunity to make their voice heard,” said Helen Johnson, Creative Strategist at CreateHere. Stand & Deliver: Safety will provide citizens with this venue as well as with many opportunities to press forward using their talents and time to ensure that Chattanooga is a safe place to live, work, and play.

A City Share event entitled “Crime in Context” takes place June 9 and serves as first component of Stand & Deliver: Safety. Free, open to the public, and catered by On the List catering, “Crime in Context” will bring some of Chattanooga’s foremost experts on crime and safety issues together to offer a context from which citizens can act in the civic process.

City Share will follow up on this context on June 23 at its next event: “One Goal, Many Approaches,” an opportunity to learn how local crime prevention happens in families, schools, labor markets, specific premises, police and criminal justice systems, and communities. Panelists include Helen Eigenberg, Professor and Chair of UTC’s Department of Criminal Justice; Bea Lurie, president and CEO of Girls Incorporated of Chattanooga; and Lieutenant Brian Cotter of the Chattanooga Police Department and East Chattanooga Weed and Seed.

With the goal of connecting the

Chattanooga community at large with local crime prevention and safety experts and encouraging dialogue with like-minded citizens about Chattanooga’s safety issues, these City Share events are only a precursor to the rest of Stand & Deliver: Safety. A third City Share (“Measuring Impact”) will follow on July 7, but Stand & Deliver: Safety is not merely concerned with fostering conversation between community members—it is about action and solutions, new and old, that involve the collaboration of citizens from all public sectors.

This is the controlling idea behind the Action Lab Blitz (July 16-17) and Workshop series, another integral part of Stand & Deliver: Safety. During the Blitz, teams of local crime prevention partners will connect with a diverse group of local experts and enthusiasts for an intensive and resultsfocused community brainstorm. The Action Lab Workshop series that follows will instruct teams on how to increase sustainability, impact, and reach of their collaborative efforts.

The end goal is a citywide celebration of these new efforts with increased awareness of citizen opportunities to volunteer. The Stand survey showed that Chattanooga citizens were quite willing to bring their time and talents to the table, but often find a huge gap between their desire to volunteer and meaningful opportunities. With a collaborative fusion of the proven and the new, Stand & Deliver: Safety is working to bridge that gap in creative and inspiring ways.

Want to plug in? For more information about Stand & Deliver: Safety and how to get involved, e-mail participate@createhere.org, call (423) 648-2195, or visit CreateHere.org

A weekly roundup of the newsworthy, notable and often head-scratching stories gleaned from police reports from the Chattanooga Police Department, the Hamilton County Sheriff’s Office, the Bradley County Sheriff’s Department and the Dalton Police Department.

• If you are planning to launch a career of crime, it might help to make sure you are on good terms with your spouse. A man who robbed an East 23rd Street bank last week was identified by his estranged wife when she saw security videotape footage of the robbery on the evening news. The woman called police and said she recognized several of her soon-to-be ex-husband’s tattoos, and also informed officials that he may have been involved with a series of auto burglaries in Dalton.

Acting on the tip, officers were able to track the man down and took him into custody a day later. He now faces charges in both the bank robbery and the auto burglaries.

• What often seems like a good idea at the time all too often turns out to be just the opposite. Such was the case with a pair of carpet-cleaning company employees who thought it would be easier to dispose of the used chemicals in their truck by dumping them down the side of Signal Mountain. That didn’t go over too well, however, with the Hamilton County Sheriff ’s Deputy who spotted the two men in mid-dump and confronted them.

Officials from the Tennessee Department of Environment and Conservation were called out to the scene, where they were able to determine that none of the chemicals had made it into the local waterstream, but did say they were going to have to issue a number of citations to the employees and the company.

• With the Riverbend Festival upon us, a note to all who plan to drive to the site to use common sense about leaving nothing of value in your vehicle. To show what happens when common sense is not used, we share a pair of reports from the past week. A man parked his Jeep at Third and Cherry downtown, but left the windows and soft top open. When he returned, he found that someone had gotten into the vehicle and stolen a watch, a $400 jacket, $30 in medicine, a $200 IPod Nano and a $60 transistor. In our second report, a man on Ely Road left some clothing in his unlocked car for a friend to come and pick up. Instead, someone else helped themselves to the clothes while he was out.

• When it comes to unusual crime trends, the stealing of restaurant furniture is not one that shows up very often. Yet in the past week there were two reports of such an incident. The manger of a fast-food restaurant on Broad

The List What To Bring To A Summer Music Festival 1) Sunblock. It really doesn’t matter how tan you are (either naturally or through other means), you are going to spend a lot of time outdoors. A good sunblock can really save your skin.

2) Headlamp. Bonnaroovians well know that some journeys (such as finding the Port-A-Johns) are made a lot easier with some extra illumination.

3) Toilet Paper. Hopefully, you’ll never need it. But an extra roll in your purse or backpack can make all the difference.

Street called police when he noticed that someone had removed the wrought iron, granite-top outdoor patio set from in front of the building. Which is especially impressive, considering how heavy the furniture is and how difficult it would be to remove it and load it into a vehicle. The other report involved a woman who lives on North Orchard Knob Avenue who discovered that someone had deposited a pair of rocking chairs from a well-known Southern food restaurant in her front yard.

She told officers that she had no idea how the rocking chairs ended up on her lawn nor who would have done such a thing.

4) Baby Wipes. Not just for babies anymore. Can help keep you feeling (and smelling) fresh even after a hot, sweaty day and dancing.

5) First Aid Kit. You never really need a Band-Aid or a packet of aspirin until you really need one.

6) Bottled Water. One of the biggest problems at festivals is dehydration.

Keep enough water on hand and you’ll have a much better time.

7) Blanket. Perfect for sitting on, staking out a prime location, or even sitting under during one of the unexpected rain showers.

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Shrink Rap

By Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D

Navigating Life—One Intersection at a Time A few years before I

“‘Personal intersections’ refers to those moments in life when you come to an intellectual, spiritual, or emotional crossroads, and are faced with making a decision.”

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moved to Chattanooga I was hosted for several summers by a Congregational church in Ft. Wayne, IN, to give a series of seminars and talks. Their congregation included a mixed population of male and female, gay and straight, young and old, black and white. There were those who were completely comfortable in their fellowship with this mix, and those who were struggling with the issues inherent at this level of acceptance.

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Over the course of several days, I gave readings from my books, lectures on self-esteem and inclusiveness, and seminars on healthy relationships and the healing power of love. It was always a wonderful experience for me, spending time with folks who wanted to better their lives, better their relationships, and better their understanding of each other.

One of the most powerful topics from my work there turned out to be what I call “Personal Intersections.” Personal intersections refers to those moments in life when you come to an intellectual, spiritual, or emotional crossroads, and are faced with making a decision.

The good folks of this church had been navigating some very significant intersections involving emotional and spiritual challenges to some long-held beliefs, and they were making some big decisions about their future together.

Intersections are big and small, and occur all day, all throughout life.

Major ones, such as those around relationships, child-rearing, personal crises, career paths, employment opportunities, educational possibilities, etc. require much of us—sometimes, perhaps, they demand the use of all our coping skills and inner resources, conversations with loved ones, or quiet time for reflection and meditation.

Shrink Rap Maybe all of the above.

Then there are minor ones that we usually resolve without a lot of difficulty or thought. These might look like, oh, where to go for dinner. Or, shall I pick up the dry cleaning on the way to the bank? Do I have time for the gym? Shall I call my folks today?

What’s interesting about viewing life’s intersections this way is that it reflects our level of mindfulness: the degree to which we are deliberately aware, throughout the day, the week, throughout our entire lives. In other words, which issues get our attention and which don’t?

To help traverse life’s intersections more mindfully, including the smaller, daily ones, I encourage you to try this exercise: Spend a morning paying close attention to all the things you usually don’t give a second thought to. For instance, when you grab the cereal from the cupboard, pause for a second. Ask yourself if that’s really what you want to eat, or are you just doing what you always do. When you leave for work in the morning and give your sweetie a peck on the cheek as usual, hold on a sec. Why communicate a mere morsel of affection when you can communicate deeper feelings of love? Turn that peck into a big, sloppy smooch and lingering embrace. (Could be fun. Could make you late for work.)

Mom’s arthritis has been acting up

and Dad’s been depressed. Don’t just call, talk about little Timmy’s report card, and hang up. Choose to take the time to really talk with them. Be present. Ask questions. And listen to their answers, even if you’ve heard them a million times before. You might hear differently this time.

Being present. Paying attention.

Consciously choosing your behavior.

The more you pay attention, the more you’ll want to pay attention. More of your daily personal intersections will have meaning, not just the big ones.

The folks at that church in Fort Wayne, IN, (and countless other churches across the land) know what it’s like to come to a big intersection and grapple.

Maybe you do, too. So now, what’s it like to be conscious and present for the others—the small intersections of life?

What’s the payoff? Relationships more deeply felt. A stronger spiritual connection to your world and everyone in it. Heightened senses. In short, a life more fully lived.

Until next time: “It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you.” — Regina Brett Dr. Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist, minister, and educator, in private practice in Chattanooga, and the author of “Empowering the Tribe” and “The Power of a Partner.” Visit his new wellness center, Well Nest, at www.

WellNestChattanooga.com, and his web site at www.DrRPH.com

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Cover Story

By Pulse staff

“The journey from Kannapolis, North Carolina, where George Clinton was born in 1941, nearly full circle back to Chattanooga, has truly been a long, strange and of course funky ride.”

I’m the youngest of seven, so I was indoctrinated into the principals of funk at an early age. I was fascinated with George Clinton and his weird costumes and Parliament’s strange characters, but the interesting thing was how good the music sounded. How could this music be anything but mind-blowing with futuristic synthesizers and keyboards played by classically trained Bernie Worrell, acid trip bass lines by Bootsy Collins and the famous Horny Horns and their jazz horn rifts? Without question, P-Funk and Parliament are excellent musicians, and their shows are nothing less than legendary. Like other Funkateers, I have seen George Clinton live a number of times and each time seems like the first.

— Eric Foster, DJ, WJTT/POWER 94

of Heaven is s Ted Friedman points out in his within,” and definitive essay, “Making It Funky: The Clinton and Signifyin(g) Politics of George Clinton’s his various Parliafunkadelicment Thang”, few modern incarnations music phrases are better known—and more of Parliament misquoted—than George Clinton/Funkadelic’s and Funkadelic, proto-rappers, would exhort “Free your mind, and your ass will follow.” the audience from the stage to “ ‘Think!

That phrase, from the song and album It ain’t illegal yet,’ ” over a dense groove of Funkadelic (1970), still defines the career of horns, synths, and Bootsy Collins’ bottomless Clinton, who headlines the Riverbend Festival bass, while concert audiences in the tens of thousands danced, sweated, and chanted on Thursday, June 17. As Friedman points out, the lyric that followed was “The Kingdom along.”

A

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Cover Story “Funk can be anything. Funk is an idea;

it’s whatever it needs to be in order to survive. We don’t take nothing as our bag. Everything is our bag.”

The journey from Kannapolis, North Carolina, where George Clinton was born in 1941, nearly full circle back to Chattanooga, has truly been a long, strange and of course funky ride. As a teenager in New Jersey, he formed a doo-wop group, The Parliaments, at the same time maintaining a job straightening hair at a barbershop. Jim Reed, curator of the Riverside Art Museum, quotes Clinton, “I found out early: Life is just a matter of style, ain’t nobody no better than nobody else…just hanging around the barber shop and looking at all those pictures of styles, I know that life styles are just the same. If a person gets this kinda clothes and that kinda look, you won’t know the difference whether they’re garbage man, pimp, or preacher.”

The Parliaments had their first hit in 1967 with “(I Just Wanna) Testify”, and quickly began morphing into Parliament and Funkadelic, also known as P-Funk. The constantly changing musical line-up included, at various times, members of Sly & the Family Stone and members from James Brown’s and Jimi Hendrix’s bands, along with many others.

From Friedman: “While in 1967 the Parliaments were still a rather conventional soul group in the Motown mold, over the late ’60s the band underwent a radical change as Clinton and the rest of the members began hanging out with hippies, taking drugs, and listening to Jimi

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Hendrix, Sly and the Family Stone, and white Detroit hard-rock bands like the Stooges and the MC5.

Originally a suit-and-tied soul act, they began appearing on stage in ripped bedsheets, diapers, or nothing at all, while playing a loud, trippy, and often intentionally ugly blend of R&B and psychedelic rock.”

According to various sources, they “dominated black music in the 1970s,” with more than 40 hit singles and three platinum albums. By 1982, Clinton branched out into a “solo” career that continued to include members of the many incarnations of Parliament and Funkadelic as the “P-Funk All-Stars” (originally, “Funkadelic” was the back-up band, while “Parliament” were the lead singers).

“Loopzilla” hit the Top 20 R&B charts, followed by “Atomic Dog”, which reached #1 R&B. In the next four years, Clinton released three more studio albums (You Shouldn’tNuf Bit Fish, Some of My Best Jokes Are Friends and R&B Skeletons in the Closet) as well as a live album, Mothership Connection (Live from the Summit, Houston, Texas) and charting three singles in the R&B Top 30, “Nubian Nut”, “Last Dance”, and “Do Fries Go with That Shake?”.

Says Friedman, “P-Funk’s commercial and conceptual breakthrough came in 1976 with the release of Mothership Connection, the first of a series of science fiction-

Cover Story themed ‘funk operas.’ In the late ’70s, Parliament-Funkadelic staged a succession of spectacular concert tours, each show climaxing with the descent of a giant spaceship from the rafters. As Clinton’s ‘Parliafunkidelicment Thang’ grew, he spun off more and more acts outs of the band’s personnel, writing and producing records for Bootsy’s Rubber Band, the Horny Horns, the Brides of Funkenstein, and Parlet, with each act signed to a different record label.”

In the late ’80s/early ’90s, rappers began sampling Clinton’s music, and he remains, along with James Brown, one of the most-frequently sampled artists, one source noting, “Rapper Dr. Dre sampled most of his beats to create his G-Funk music era.”

Along with continuing to create the funk with his own band, Clinton guests with other musicians (he contributed “Word Games” to the John Lennon tribute album Working Class Hero) and produces.

“George Clinton is a major source of inspiration to rap producers who sampled his music to create a new sound in hip-hop,” says Eric Johnson. “In the music world, sampling is the highest form of flattery. The only other person that I can think of that has influenced contemporary R&B and especially hip hop would be James Brown. George Clinton is a prolific creator of funk music. His contribution to a whole new generation is well

Science Funk-tion

documented in the early days of rap and the hip hop movement.”

He was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, along with 15 other members of Parliament/ Funkadelic, in 1997. In a Grammy 2010 interview, he stated that he is finishing up work on a new album with Sly Stone.

So with his appearance at Riverbend, Chattanooga fans have the opportunity to funk it up with a man who really is a living, funkadelicious legend.

Says Friedman, “Clinton’s ideology of funk has provided a way to talk about the politics of dancing. As Clinton sang on ‘One Nation Under a Groove”: ‘Here’s a chance to dance our way/ Out of our constrictions.’”

Clinton was also a pioneer in creating science fiction based on black culture. As Friedman describes it, “Parliament’s concerts in the late 1970s would begin with a strange monologue, spoken in the manner of the opening narration to a science-fiction epic. One version was recorded as the ‘Prelude’ to ‘The Clones of Dr. Funkenstein’; a slightly different version is reprinted in the liner notes to Tear the Roof off the Mother: 1974-1980, a Parliament retrospective album: “Funk upon a time, in the daze of the Funkapus, the earth was on the One. Funk flowed freely and freedom was free from the need to be free. Even Cro-Nasal Sapiens and the Thumpasorus Peoples lived side by side in P(eace).

But soon there arose bumpnoxious empires led by unfunky dictators. These priests, pimps and politicians would spank whole nations of unsuspecting peoples—punishing them for their feelings and desires, constipating their notions and pimping their instincts until they were fat, horny and strung-out. The descendants of Cro-Nasal Sapiens fell in line, for their credo was ‘Get over by any means necessary.’ They slicked their hair and lost all sense of the Groove.

The descendants of the Thumpasorus Peoples knew Funk was its own reward. They tried to

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Cover Story

George Clinton’s Funkativity

remain true to the pure, uncut Funk. But it became impossible in a world woo’d by power and greed. So they locked away the secret of Clone Funk with kings and pharaohs deep in the Egyptian pyramids, and fled to outer speace to party on the Mothership and await the time they could safely return to refunkatize the planet.”

Art from the Funky Nation Clinton is also a visual artist, as described by Jim Reed, curator of the Riverside Art Museum: “Like all renaissance men, George’s genius is not restricted to a single genre.

Previously unknown works of art contain the same layering of images that are found in his music.

George’s complex images, exhibited both musically and visually, were a fundamental influence on the Funk Art movement and particularly JeanMichel Basquiat, who credited George’s layering of sounds to his own layering of visual images.

The seeds of Funk Art, like Funk Music, are found in the de-bunking of the established movements of their time…These overlapping messages become the root of the Funk Art movement and of Clinton’s drawings and paintings. Images and text are layered like screens on a computer.

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Their relationship is relative to their proximity, a seemingly meaningless plethora of data that compels the viewer to decipher the artist’s intent.

“As George’s musical musings have inspired others, so to have they found their way into various visual recordings of his thoughts. Initially used to visualize concepts for his staged extravaganzas, these sketches have blossomed into finished works exploring diverse, eclectic references.

Early drawings and paintings incorporate the same satirical and erotic images and rhythms found in his music. There is no formal structure to the works. The exploded doodles reminiscent of ‘outsider art’ portray a narrative of raceless, universal harmony and acceptance.”

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 23 | June 10, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

From Ted Friedman’s essay, “Making It Funky: The Signifyin(g) Politics of George Clinton’s Parliafunkadelicment Thang” “Funk is a transformative process—as James Brown would shout to his band, the goal, whatever the tune, is to ‘make it funky.’ Clinton explains to Rolling Stone, funk is a ‘kind of an attitude….Funk can be anything.

Funk is an idea; it’s whatever it needs to be in order to survive. We don’t take nothing as our bag. Everything is our bag.’ Or, as he’s put it elsewhere, ‘Funk means that when you’re in Chinatown you learn to like Chinese food real fast.’…

“In ‘One Nation Under a Groove,’ Funkadelic asks, ‘Do you promise to funk? the whole funk, nothin’ but the funk.’…fundamental to funk’s transformative power is the way it insists on the embodiment of whatever it touches—to make something funky is to make it felt, literally in the sense of shaking the floorboards, rattling the windows, and practically commanding the listener to dance…Clinton does not just celebrate The Funk; he proselytizes for it. The greatest P-Funk songs are propaganda for the funk; as Barry Walters points out, ‘P. Funk hits are almost entirely reflexive. It’s near impossible to let your mind wander during a P.Funk anthem, as most of the lyrics are about funk itself, funk on the radio, and funk in your earhole.’ As the chant to ‘P-Funk (Wants To Get Funked Up)’ puts it: “Make my funk the P-Funk I want my funk uncut Make my funk the P-Funk I wants to get funked up I want the bomb, I want the P-Funk Don’t want my funk stepped on Make my funk the P-Funk Before I take it home”

www.chattanoogapulse.com | June 10, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 23 | The Pulse

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Music Feature

Still One World, One Love

By Stephanie Smith

“We are in it, not of it. Nothing changes—the vibration remains the same.”

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The reach of Rastafari and

reggae has spread beyond the songs of the legendary Bob Marley, but the vibration remains the same: One World. One Love.

As a child growing up in St. Lucia in the Caribbean, Taj Weekes was exposed to all different kinds of music on the radio— reggae, calypso, rock ’n roll—in addition to the liberation theology and music he grew up with in church. It was reggae, however, that he fell in love with.

“Reggae initially meant put rhythm to a poem and cry,” says Weekes. “When people listen to us, that’s what they expect.

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 23 | June 10, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

There’s been the development of this crazy stepchild of the music—run off of excess and rhythm driven—but it’s not reggae.

Reggae is organic, soul, message-driven music.”

Weekes and Adowa left St. Lucia for North America to spread the message.

The band is named is named after the 1896 Battle of Adowa, in which the Ethiopians triumphed over the Italians, directly leading to Ethiopia becoming an independent state.

“I have Ethiopian lineage; the name keeps me in contact with Ethiopian ancestry. I like to carry that with me.

Everybody in the band are Caribbean musicians. It’s a beautiful thing that everybody brings from their island.

When [the music] comes together, it’s a wonderful melting pot.”

Another part of heritage that Weekes and Adowa carry with them is the principle of Rastafarianism, a monotheistic movement promoting a peaceful lifestyle and a holistic organic world view. Rastafari and reggae go handin-hand and provide a place in the world for the band.

“Rastafari teaches us to see beauty in ourselves—not to look like anybody else, but to look like ourselves. It’s a more spiritual, holistic approach to the world where you treat everybody as your equal.

“We really know who we are. [As for the music], we are in it, not of it. Nothing changes—the vibration remains the same.

Music is spiritual for us. We’re Rasta… we’re modern-day town criers.”

Weekes’ poetry has influenced people all over the world. On a recent trip to New Orleans, the band’s holistic message of love received an overwhelming response from the audience.

“Suffering is universal. Our message is universal. You know we’re coming up on the fifth anniversary of Katrina. I told the people there that I could not help with the rebuilding, so I wrote a song for them. The response to ‘Louisiana’ was tremendous.”

As for contemporary musical influences, Weekes is reluctant to name names, but as a lyricist he is drawn to artists who “say old things in new ways.

“Look at is this way: if I were a basketball player, I would look for people who played better than me. I am naturally drawn to these kinds of people. The ones who are giving the message music are few and far between. They tend to stand out like beacons among the gray.”

In keeping with his Rastafari lifestyle, Weekes wanted to do more than just music. He decided to shine a light on the “other side of the Caribbean” when he formed They Often Cry Outreach (TOCO) in 2007, a nonprofit organization that seeks to improve the lives of underprivileged children through sports, enrichment, educational and wellness programs. Much of the money from the music supports the charity.

“The Caribbean is not all sandy and

Music Feature

New Music Reviews The Flying Lizards The Flying Lizards (Micro Werks)

vacation spots. The place has its share of maladies. Diabetes is at the largest occurrence per capita in world; we just filmed a documentary about it and we gave away 2,500 diabetes testers. We’ve just implemented a soccer program for children.

“We’re also collecting shoes for the people of Haiti. So far we’ve collected 3,200 pairs. We’re asking people to bring gently used shoes [to Riverbend], tie them together, and put a dollar in there.

We’ll dump them in my trailer and carry them along with us.”

The diabetes documentary, which opens in November 2010, was filmed by the video division of Jatta Records, Weekes’ record company. The band is also in the studio finishing its third album, to be released by Jatta in July 2010.

“Jatta means to let your hair grow and not cut it. [The company] has different wings, music and video, because I want to produce more documentaries about issues that affect me in ways that I just have to say something about it.

“If you walk and talk, it’s easier to spread the word that way. You kind of spread a mess if you’re not living that lifestyle. If you live a life that’s not one of excess and show people life can be simple, it’s easier [for them] to listen.”

Taj Weekes and Adowa 2 p.m.

Friday, June 11 Riverbend Unplugged Free.

Hunter Museum Lobby, 10 Bluff View.

9:15 pm Friday, June 11 Riverbend : TVFCU Stage For more on the Haiti shoe project, visit www.tajandadowa.com/charity

“It’s an uncommon album that’s simultaneously playful, unstuffy, art-minded, and gleefully unconventional.”

LCD Soundsystem This Is Happening (DFA/Virgin) A musician’s crisis probably seems insignificant in the grand scheme of things, but James Murphy, the main force behind LCD Soundsystem, can turn it into a song, like his first hit, “Losing My Edge,” about an aging DJ’s diminishing cultural capital. The third proper studio album, This Is Happening, has its own preemptive statement at this juncture, “You Wanted a Hit.” The track comes three years after the acclaimed and beloved Sound of

By Ernie Paik

It’s safe to say that most people have only heard one song by the post-punk-era British group the Flying Lizards, and that’s the love-it-or-hate-it, off-kilter cover of Barrett Strong’s Motown hit “Money (That’s What I Want),” sounding like music for a robot carnival featuring Deborah Evans’s deadpan, spoken vocals. That’s all the general public could probably handle, actually, but it’s a shame that sufficient attention hasn’t been given to more Flying Lizards material, including the newly reissued first album from 1980. As far as I can tell, this is the first USA release of this album on CD, despite being a cult favorite, and it’s an uncommon album that’s simultaneously playful, unstuffy, art-minded, and gleefully unconventional.

Behind the group was composer and producer David Cunningham, employing help from diverse creative types, including writer/composer David Toop, journalist/ musician Vivien Goldman, painter Michael Upton, and free improv multiinstrumentalist Steve Beresford. If “Money” didn’t scare off listeners, then the album’s opening track, “Der Song von Mandelay,” might have done the job—it’s a frenetic take on an old Bertolt Brecht/Kurt Weill song, sung in the original German in a voice like that of an agitated cartoon character.

The next track, “Her Story,” is much more palatable, being a fascinating mix with floating vocals, funk-influenced bass lines, Silver, underscoring the anticipation and implied pressure from both fans and music biz associates; it takes its time to unfurl over nine minutes, as if to declare that it’s comfortable with its current mode of operation. Actually, only one song has the brevity of a radio single, which is “Drunk Girls,” propelled with a rock chug, a “White Light/White Heat”-esque chant, and sustained electric guitar notes that resemble Robert Fripp’s style.

For fans, many elements will be familiar, from the mix of drum machines with acoustic drums, the endearingly dated, new-wave-era synth sounds, and a spirit of careful appropriation with winks to record-collecting geeks. “One Touch” has an electro-disco drive and assumed austerity that brings to mind the previous track “Get Innocuous!”; for the most part, Murphy doesn’t mess with his system. One welcome direction the group has taken is ripping off

and some sparing dub treatments.

At the center of the album are the two ironic covers: “Money,” presented in an extended version that wanders into dub territory (the shorter single edit is included as a bonus track) and the eerily subdued and minimal “Summertime Blues,” also with smirkingly passionless and detached vocals for comedic effect. Several selections from the album’s second half drift in a free manner, layering drones or odd sounds upon a rhythm section base, and it ends with Goldman’s disquieting reggae song “The Window,” about paranoia and a possible vampire intruder. The whole album is a messy jumble of ideas—novelties and curiosities, Jamaican influences, and abstract sonic waves, all with a pervasive weirdness that’s as confusing and quirky-sounding today as it must have been 30 years ago. and perfectly nailing down a ’70s vibe from the intersection of David Bowie and Brian Eno; the song “All I Want” is an example, evoking “Heroes” and Eno’s “The True Wheel,” hitting that shared pleasure center.

“I Can Change” is a new-wave synthpop number that, in other hands, might sound like an insincere tongue-in-cheek exercise, but Murphy’s vocal delivery takes a perfect tone, making the song work. Not that the band can’t be goofy sometimes—and even downright poignant at other times, which brings up one minor complaint about This Is Happening: it could use a song like “All My Friends” or “Someone Great” from Sound of Silver to balance things out. It would be incorrect to say that LCD Soundsystem is coasting, but even if Murphy has assumed a holding pattern, few can pull off this kind of insider retro electro-dance music as well as he can.

www.chattanoogapulse.com | June 10, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 23 | The Pulse

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Music Calendar Thursday Spotlight

Atomic Eyes, Aaron Labatte, Mike McDade Modern rockers Atomic Eyes join locals for music at the Pie. 6:30 – 11:30 p.m.

Mudpie Restaurant, 12 Frazier Ave. (423) 266-1400. www.mudpierestaurant.com

Thursday Charles Butler Band 5:30 p.m. The Chattanooga Market, Miller Plaza, 850 Market St. (423) 265-3700.

Jimmy Harris 7:30 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Karaoke 8 p.m. Fireside Grill, 3018 Cummings Highway.

(423) 821-9898.

Karaoke Dance Party with DJ Smith 8 p.m. Bourbon Street Music Bar, 2000 E. 23rd St. (423) 826-1985.

Buckner Brothers 9 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Karaoke 9 p.m. Images, 6500 Lee Hwy. www.imagesbar.com DJ Services 9 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777.

Channing Wilson 9 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com

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The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 23 | June 10, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

Friday Spotlight

Friday Ben Friberg Trio 6:30 p.m. Table Two, 232 East 11th St. (423) 756-8253.

Karaoke 7 p.m. Ari’s Harbor Light, 9718 Hixson Pike, Soddy-Daisy.

(423) 843-2800.

Faretheewell, That New Retro, Moonshoes Mumsy, The Flint Bears Fire, In Montauk 7 p.m. The Warehouse, 5716 Ringgold Rd., East Ridge. myspace.com/warehousetn AJ Valcarcel and the Bitter Lesson 7 p.m. The Original Blue Orleans Creole Restaurant, 3208 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 629-6538.

Sonlife Quartet and Bill Stobaugh 7:30 p.m. Ringgold Depot, 155 Depot St. (706) 935-5290.

Vicki Roberts 7:30 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Grace Potter 7:45 Riverbend, Bud Light Stage. www.riverbendfestival.com Karaoke 8 p.m. Fireside Grill, 3018 Cummings Highway.

(423) 821-9898.

Seven Year Exsistance, Dr. Asimov, In to the Shadows 8 p.m. Ziggy’s Hideaway, 607 Cherokee Blvd.

(423) 634-1074. myspace.com/ziggyshideaway Kathy Tugman Quartet 8:30 p.m. The Foundry, 1201 Broad St. (423) 424- 3775. www.chattanooganhotel.com

Ghost Town Blues Band 9 p.m. The River House Pub, 224 Frazier Ave. (423) 752-0066.

Paul Smith and the Bourbon Street Band 9 p.m. Bourbon Street Music Bar, 2000 E. 23rd St. (423) 826-1985.

Live DJ Party 9 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777.

Taj Weekes & Adowa 9:15 p.m. Riverbend, Tennessee Valley Credit Union Stage. www.riverbendfestival.com Too Far Gone South 10 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Sheryl Crow 9:30 p.m. Riverbend Festival, Coca-Cola Stage. www.riverbendfestival.com Karaoke 10 p.m. Chattanooga Billiards Club East, 110 Jordan Dr. (423) 499-3883. www.cbcburns.com The Cadillac Saints 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com Power Players Show Band 10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878.

Saturday Uptown Big Band 11 a.m. The Chattanooga River Market, Aquarium Plaza, 850 Market St. (423) 265-3700.

New Brinkley Brothers Noon. Rock City, 1400 Patten Rd. Lookout Mountain, GA. (706) 820-2531.

Bend Unplugged: Taj Weekes and Adowa Time for reggae fever, mon.

Free.

2 p.m.

Hunter Museum, 10 Bluff View (423) 267-0968. www.riverbendfestival.com The Whigs 7:45 Riverbend, Bud Light Stage www.riverbendfestival.com Martin Rodriguez 8 p.m. The Riverhouse, 224 Frazier Ave., (423) 752-0066.

Malignant Christ, Deathloch, Digesting Swarm, Damensia 8 p.m. Ziggy’s Hideaway, 607 Cherokee Blvd.

(423) 634-1074.

John Wort Hannam 8 p.m. Charles & Myrtle’s Coffeehouse, 105 McBrien Rd. (423) 892-4960. www.christunity.org Kathy Tugman Quartet 8:30 p.m. The Foundry, 1201 Broad St. (423) 424-3775. www.chattanooganhotel.com Two Penny Fish 9 p.m. The Riverhouse, 224 Frazier Ave., (423) 752-0066.

DJ Services 9 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777.

Dana Rogers 9 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Open Mic Night 9 p.m. Mudpie Restaurant, 12 Frazier Ave. (423) 267-9043. www.mudpierestuarant.com

Music Calendar

Send your calendar events to us at calendar@chattanoogapulse.com

Saturday Spotlight

That 1 Guy With his Magic Pipe, a self-built music machine.

Cosmic!

With Riverbend pin admission.

6:15 p.m.

Bud Light Stage 11 p.m.

Tennessee Lottery Stage www.riverbendfestival.com Second Saturdays DJ Party 9 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Alison Krauss and Union Station 9:30 Riverbend, Coke Stage www.riverbendfestival.com Casey Adams Band with Georgia Scruff 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com Power Players Show Band 10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com Howlies 10 p.m. Discoteca, 304 East Main St. (423) 386-3066.

Gabe Newell 10 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike. (423) 266-1996. www.tremonttavern.com Eddies of the Wind 11 p.m. The Riverhouse, 224 Frazier Ave., (423) 752-0066.

Sunday Kurt Scobie 11 a.m. The Chattanooga River Market, Aquarium Plaza, 850 Market St. (423) 265-3700.

Sunday Spotlight

New Brinkley Brothers Noon. Rock City, 1400 Patten Rd. Lookout Mountain, GA. (706) 820-2531.

Barefoot Movement 12:30 p.m. The Chattanooga Market, Miller Plaza, 850 Market St. (423) 265-3700.

Megan Light 2 p.m. The Chattanooga River Market, Aquarium Plaza, 850 Market St. (423) 265-3700.

Angela Easterling 2 p.m. The Chattanooga Market, Miller Plaza, 850 Market St. (423) 265-3700.

Irish Music Sessions 6:30 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike. (423) 266-1996. www.tremonttavern.com DJ Services 9 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777.

Karaoke with DJ Stoll 9:30 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 4999878. www.budssportsbar.com The Waybacks, Joan Osborne, John Cowan with the CSO 9:30 p.m. Riverbend Festival, Coca-Cola Stage. www.riverbendfestival.com

Monday Mark Porkchop Holde 5 p.m. The Chattanooga Market, Miller Plaza, 850 Market St. (423) 265-3700.

Otis Taylor 5 p.m. The Bessie Smith Strut, Bessie Smith Hall.

Eric Stechal 5:15 The Strut, Stage 2 MLK Old Tyme Players 6 p.m. Market Street Tavern,

850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Scott Holt 6 p.m. The Bessie Smith Strut, Bessie Smith Hall.

The Breeze Kings 6:15 p.m. The Chattanooga Market, Miller Plaza, 850 Market St. (423) 265-3700.

Soul Rebels 6:45 p.m. The Bessie Smith Strut, Stage 2 MLK Paul Lohorn and the Monday Nite Big Band 7 p.m. Lindsay Street Hall, 901 Lindsay Street. (423) 755-9111.

Kenny Neal 7:30 p.m. The Bessie Smith Strut, Bessie Smith Hall Karaoke with DJ Stoll 9:30 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com

Tuesday Billy Hopkins 5 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Ben Friberg Trio 6:30 p.m. Table Two, 232 East 11th St. (423) 756-8253. www.table2restaurant.com Karaoke Dance Party with DJ Smith 8 p.m. Bourbon Street Music Bar, 2000 E. 23rd St. (423) 826-1985.

Open Mic Night 8 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike. (423) 266-1996.

Open Mic with Hellcat 9 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919.

Bend Unplugged: Otis Taylor and the Black Banjo Project Trance blues on the banjo. $5 2 p.m.

Bessie Smith Cultural Center, 200 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-8658. www.riverbendfestival.com Spoken Word/Poetry Night 8 p.m. The Riverhouse, 224 Frazier Ave., (423) 752-0066.

Tim Starnes 9 p.m. Bart's Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777.

Karaoke with DJ Stoll 9:30 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com

Wednesday Ben Friberg Trio 7 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Johnny B and Friends 8 p.m. Bourbon Street Music Bar, 2000 E. 23rd St. (423) 826-1985.

Preston Parris 9 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Nathan Farrow 9 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com Karaoke with Chase 8 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn)

www.chattanoogapulse.com | June 10, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 23 | The Pulse

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Life in the Noog

By Chuck Crowder

Powerchair Economics A

“If your corporate job is eliminated or personal business goes out of business, there are a few ways to replace some of those precious dollars that are sure to elude you in the future.”

Chuck Crowder is a local writer and general man about town. His opinions are just that. Everything expressed is loosely based on fact, and crap he hears people talking about. Take what you just read with a grain of salt, but pepper it in your thoughts. And be sure to check out his popular website www.thenoog.com

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s the economy looks bleaker and bleaker and more and more of my friends are finding themselves with eliminated corporate jobs or lack of business in their own pursuits, it’s becoming increasingly necessary to gain some street smarts and think on your feet in order to weather the hard days ahead.

Luckily in this country there is a safety net system in place that, if worked to its fullest potential, can keep one from losing one iota of an above-average lifestyle. The trick is to couch any sort of pride or humbleness you may associate with “handouts,” and stick your paw right out there with the rest of them.

Look around. Countless people are already down with this system, and while we once may have pitied them, we now need their experience and advice. I’m not talking about the family living in the projects or the homeless alcoholic crazy person holding down a cot at the local shelter. No, I’m talking about the true masters of manipulation, a sect that I like to refer to as “The Powerchair People.”

You’ve seen them around town. As soon as all of us hardworking nine-to-five idiots are safely in our cubes sipping crappy coffee under fluorescent lights, these go-getters are tearing up the sidewalks in the sunshine and fresh air as they start their day of doing exactly nothing.

Now, I have no idea the extenuating circumstances that placed these people in powerchairs and I’m sure that many—if not most—are in them for legitimate medical reasons. However, my observations of these savvy seated sultans of slack, combined with

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 23 | June 10, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

the types of television commercials that have been clogging up the airwaves since the dollar went perpetually south, has me wondering how a smarter than average bear can use all of this information to make a better life for himself. And I think I’ve figured it out.

If your corporate job is eliminated or personal business goes out of business, there are a few ways to replace some of those precious dollars that are sure to elude you in the future. First step is a trip to the unemployment office. Whether you’ve paid in personally or your company has, there are always weekly checks available to those who suddenly stop getting one. And the money’s usually pretty good, but not that good. So you have to subsidize that income.

Last I heard, the most you can make from unemployment is $1,000 a month or, $12,000 a year. Now, since the national poverty level conveniently hovers somewhere around $13,000 per year, you automatically qualify for welfare as well. You may have to throw a wrench in the system by using some other combination of your complete name in order to “double dip,” but I’m sure all that is required to know for sure is a quick chat with the person next to you in line at one government agency or the other.

Of course the last thing you want to have to spend this new income on is food.

Besides, there are food stamps for that, and you’ll be entitled to plenty as an out-of-work unemployment insurance AND welfare recipient, so don’t worry about eating. And don’t be too proud to whip them out at in the checkout line either. Recent studies have reported that our perpetually under-employed slacker twenty-something population is not only unapologetically, but enthusiastically

accepting of charity coupons good for overpriced organic leafy greens and goat’s milk.

Next, you’ll need to take care of those pesky bills like house and car payments, credit card statements and outstanding balances for other beyond-your-means luxuries you still can’t do without. There are two ways of going about this dilemma.

The obvious choice, since you are on welfare for Pete’s sake, is to declare bankruptcy. And all you have to do to find a good attorney is watch any one of the Judge (blank) shows on television during the hours you used to be at work. There are plenty of qualified local attorneys willing to help you keep your home, car, boat, timeshare, mink coat and diamond encrusted Rolex for a nominal fee that covers paperwork and palm greasing.

However, if you’re the type that can’t muster up the stones to throw in the towel on those idiots who loaned you the money in the first place, there is another option, but it’s a pain in the neck, literally. Surely at some point in your desk-jockeying career you experienced lower back pain or the crème-de-la-crème of Carpel Tunnel Syndrome. And that, according to the other type of attorney advertising on daytime TV, is why you’re out of work.

In fact, you’re not just out of work, you’re injured. And you know what soothes just about any injury during the healing process? A powerchair or scooter from the Scooter Store.

With help from Medicare and the insurance you used to have but since you don’t you’re considered indigent—you can have one with little or no money out of pocket. Then you too can cruise the sidewalks in the warm sun and cool breeze while we suckers are stuck inside… paying for it all.

www.chattanoogapulse.com | June 10, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 23 | The Pulse

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Arts & Entertainment

By Helene Houses

Going the Whole Hog Playwright Greg Kotis has an

intriguing mind. His obsessions seem to take in the destructive power of dreams, the illusions of love, and a political view that verges on fanatic Libertarianism.

He expresses these in a comic, actually “comics” format that plays against them, which is also intriguing.

In Pig Farm, currently on the Chattanooga Theatre Centre’s Circle Stage through June 12, Kotis (who also wrote Urinetown), concocts a plot involving a couple of pig farmers (Tom and Tina), their “Juvy Hall” rescued farm hand, Tim, and a “G-man” from the EPA, Teddy. His style in telling this tale of Tim and Tina’s struggle to make the farm work while their marriage falls apart, their oft-expressed hatred of “the government” while dumping fecal sludge in the river, and the fatal complications of Tim and Teddy is deliberately super-stylized, something director Scott Dunlap plays to the hilt.

Characters pose, talk to the audience instead of each other, and have what in commedia dell’arte would be known as “lazzi”—comic moves that are repeated over and over. Their movement, their vocal deliveries are all designed to be as artificial as possible, creating

a world in which the serious issues being addressed are always at odds with the style, provoking laughs at the pure absurdity of it.

Kotis addresses this in his notes on the play: “The thing about Pig Farm, for better or worse, is that it thinks it’s a real play. It believes the dreams and yearnings of the characters within it are real, as is the world in which the characters live.”

And there, the basis for any successful production—creating a consistent world in which the characters live—Dunlap succeeds very well. He’s acting as a true auteur for this show, not only directing but designing set and sound (and undoubtedly doing the uncredited costumes as well).

This results in a particular, off-kilter universe, in which subtle choices might go unheeded by the audience consciously (late ’60s-early ’70s mustard-yellow kitchen appliances, painted “linoleum” squares of the classic avocado and burnt orange so inexplicably popular at the time, combined with the repeated use of Glen Campbell’s 1968 “Dreams of the Everyday Housewife”), but result in a subconscious disconnect. Tom and Tina appear to be existing now, in 2010, but there are elements of earlier decades permeating their world. Kotis would undoubtedly approve.

“The serious issues being addressed are always at odds with the style, provoking laughs at the pure absurdity of it.”

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The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 23 | June 10, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

Arts & Entertainment

All four actors, Casey Jackson as Tom, Joanna Key as Tina, Jonathan Harris as Tim and Patrick Sweetman as Teddy, are fully onboard with Dunlap’s vision, but comic honors must go to Harris and Sweetman.

Sweetman’s Teddy is definitely a first cousin to Bradley Whitford’s retro cop in the new Fox series The Good Guys (God forbid those moustaches actually come back into style), and Sweetman milks his plaid jacket, too-tight gun holster and black-framed glasses for all they’re worth. A favorite moment is his sudden lounge on the kitchen table in a parody of what was already a parody in Key’s performance.

For me, Harris was the standout of the ensemble. A young actor, graduate of the Chatt State Professional Acting Training Program, he manages to incorporate surprising depths into the cartoonish Tim. Although occasionally over-the-top (even in this over-the-top script), he’s at home in Kotis’s skewed world, and has excellent comic timing to boot.

I’m not fully convinced that Pig

Farm succeeds in conveying any deeper messages about ecology or “the government” and, according to Kotis, its heavy-handed ways. It does raise questions: Tina and Tom are “decent, hardworking people”—but they are also dumping sludge in the local river. If Teddy does seem to revel in his G-man authority, he’s also preventing them from destroying something that isn’t theirs. Is the audience really doing anything other than laughing at the outsized characters’ predicaments?

Perhaps not. But this production is funny, and without giving too much away, let me just say that if you are a fan of Bottom’s turn as Pyramus in A Midsummer Night’s Dream, you’ll adore the final scene of Pig Farm.

Pig Farm $15 8 p.m.

Friday/Saturday Chattanooga Theatre Centre, Circle Stage 400 River Street.

(423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.com

The latest local news and information updated multiple times a day - www.chattanoogapulse.com www.chattanoogapulse.com | June 10, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 23 | The Pulse

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A&E Calendar Highlights Friday

Thursday

“Crafted By Southern Hands” Food items from Blackberry Farms, clothing and quilts from Alabama Chanin, menswear from Billy Reid and handmade books and stationery from By One Southern Girl.

Free 10 a.m – 6 p.m.

Warehouse Row, 1110 Market St. www.warehouserow.net

Send your calendar events to us at calendar@chattanoogapulse.com

Public Art Open House Reception Noon. AIM Center, 472 W. MLK Blvd. (423) 702-8019.

Artful Evening at the Hunter 6 p.m. Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944. www.huntermuseum.org Ellen Franklin Art Gannon Art Center, 3250 Brainerd Rd. (423) 622-8236.

“Abraham Lincoln: A Man of His Time, A Man for All Times” Chattanooga-Hamilton Library, 1001 Broad St. (423) 757-5317. www.lib.chattanooga.gov “Art Works in the City” City Hall, 101 E. 11th st.

(423) 425-7823.

“Fresh Coastal Scenes” Shuptrine Fine Art Group, 2646 Broad St. (423) 266-4453. www.shuptrinefineartgroup.com Smith-Cleary Photography and Printmaking Exum Gallery, 305 W. 7th St. (423) 593-4265.

“Birds of a Feather” Houston Museum of Decorative Arts, 201 High St. (423) 267-7176.

“From Books to Brushes” Reception for new show by Jeanne Abbott.

Free.

5 - 7 p.m.

Studio 2/Gallery 2, 27 W. Main St. (423) 266-2222.

Saturday

Pig Farm Edgy comedy from creator of Urinetown oinks for the last time at the CTC. $15 8 p.m.

Chattanooga Theatre Centre, Circle Stage, 400 River Street (423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.com

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Crafted by Southern Hands 10 a.m. Warehouse Row, 1110 Market St. (423) 207-1111. www.warehouserow.net Short Attention Span Theatre Festival 7:30 p.m. St. Andrews Center Theater, 1918 Union Ave. (423) 987-5141. ensembletheatreofchattanooga.com UTC Master Chorale 7:30 p.m. Second Presbyterian Church, 700 Pine St. (423) 425-4601.

Ricky Peardon 8 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com Pig Farm 8 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.com Mystery of Flight 138 8:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. www.funnydinner.com Female Impersonation Show Midnight. Images, 6065 Lee Hwy. (423) 855-8210. www.imagesbar.com

“Emerge” River Gallery, 400 E. 2nd St. (423) 266-5033. www.river-gallery.com “From Books to Brushes” Studio 2/Gallery 2, 27 W. Main St. (423) 266-2222.

“Architectural Landscapes” My Color Image Boutique & Gallery, 330 Frazier Ave. (423) 598-6202.

Dan Williams Photography Bill Shores Frame and Gallery, 307 Manufacturers Rd. (423) 756-6746. www.billshoresframes.com “Transformation 6: Contemporary Works in Glass” Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944.

Summer Salon Hanover Gallery, 11 Frazier Ave. (423) 648-0533.

Bruno Zupan and Carylon Killebrew Art Gallery 1401, 1401 Williams St. (423) 265-0015. www.gallety1401.com Whitney Nave Jones Art Mosaic Gallery, 412 Market St. (423) 320-6738. www.mosaicchattanooga.com

Sunday Crafted by Southern Hands 10 a.m. Warehouse Row, 1110 Market St. (423) 207-1111. www.warehouserow.net Chattanooga River Market 10 a.m. Aquarium Plaza, 1 Broad St. (423) 648-2496.

Butterfly Field Day 10 a.m. Tennessee River Gardens, 22573 Hwy. 41. (423) 821-7341. www.rivergardens.org Mosaic Market 11 a.m. 412 Market St. (corner of 4th/Market) (423) 624-3915.

Art Til Dark Noon. Northshore, (423) 413-8999. www.arttildark.wordpress.com “Architectural Landscapes” Artist Demonstration 1 p.m. My Color Image Boutique & Gallery, 330 Frazier Ave. (423) 598-6202.

Mystery of the Time Machine 1 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. www.funnydinner.com Short Attention Span Theatre Festival 2 p.m. St. Andrews Center Theater, 1918 Union Ave. (423) 987-5141.

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 23 | June 10, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

“Meet Mr. Lincoln with Dennis Boggs” 2:30 p.m. Chattanooga-Hamilton Library, 1001 Broad St. (423) 757-5317. www.lib.chattanooga.gov Mystery of the Nightmare Office Party 6 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. www.funnydinner.com Ricky Peardon 8 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com Mystery of the Red Neck Italian Wedding 8:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. www.funnydinner.com Female Impersonation Show Midnight. Images, 6065 Lee Hwy. (423) 855-8210.

“Photographs from Wuxi” Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944.

“A Natural Order: The Work of Sherry Leary and Tiffany Pascal” Landis Gallery, AVA, 30 Frazier Ave. (423) 265-1282.

Chattanooga Market This week celebrating the Great Outdoors.

Free.

11 a.m. - 4 p.m.

First Tennesee Pavilion, 1826 Carter St. (423) 648-2496. www.chattanoogamarket.com

Booksigning & Reading of Non Prophet Murders 2 p.m. Olde Towne Books, 3213 Brainerd Rd. (423) 595-4468.

Short Attention Span Theatre Festival 3 p.m. St. Andrews Center Theater, 1918 Union Ave. (423) 987-5141. ensembletheatreofchattanooga.com Chattanooga Symphony Orchestra at Riverbend 9:30 p.m. Coke Stage, 201 Riverfront Pkwy. (423) 756-2211. www.riverbendfestival.com “Jellies: Living Art” Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944.

“Chris Scarborough: Drawings and Photographs” AVA Gallery, 30 Frazier Ave. (423) 265-1282.

“Relationships: Original Prints and Jewelry of Mary Quinnon Whittle” In-Town Gallery, 26A Frazier Ave. (423)267-9214.

“Power\Plants” Asher Love Gallery, 3914 St. Elmo Ave. (423) 822-0289. www.asherlove.blogspot.com

A&E Calendar Highlights Monday A Taste of Greece Women’s Night 6 p.m. Jewish Cultural Center, 5461 N. Terrace Rd. (423) 493-0270.

Speak Easy: Spoken Word and Poetry 8 p.m. Mudpie Restaurant, 12 Frazier Ave. (423) 267-9040.

Cabaret Show with James Breedwell 9, 11 p.m. Bourbon Street Music Bar, 2000 E. 23rd St. (423) 697-9957.

Works by Thornton Dial Warehouse Row Gallery, 1110 Market St. (423) 280-7182. www.tannerhillgallery.com “French Venues” Linda Woodall Fine Arts, 7836 Ooltewah-Georgetown Rd. (423) 238-9985.

Ellen Franklin Art Gannon Art Center, 3250 Brainerd Rd. (423) 622-8236.

“Abraham Lincoln: A Man of His Time, A Man for All Times” Chattanooga-Hamilton Library, 1001 Broad St. (423) 757-5317. www.lib.chattanooga.gov

Tuesday Arts Chatt One Year Celebration 5 p.m. Bessie Smith Cultural Center, 200 E. MLK. (423) 756-2787.

Flick’s Film Series: Running on Empty 6 p.m. Chattanooga-Hamilton Library, 1001 Broad St. (423) 757-5310. www.lib.chattanooga.gov Tom Griscom Lecture 7 p.m. Olde Towne Books, 3213 Brainerd Rd. (423) 595-4468.

“Art Works in the City” City Hall, 101 E. 11th st.

(423) 425-7823.

“Fresh Coastal Scenes” Shuptrine Fine Art Group, 2646 Broad St. (423) 266-4453.

Smith-Cleary Photography and Printmaking Exum Gallery, 305 W. 7th St. (423) 593-4265.

“Birds of a Feather” Houston Museum of Decorative Arts, 201 High St. (423) 267-7176.

“Emerge” River Gallery, 400 E. 2nd St. (423) 266-5033.

Wednesday Hurricane on the Bayou 2, 6 p.m. IMAX Theater at the Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (800) 265-0695.

Jewish Cultural Film Series: Turn Left at the End of the World 7 p.m. Jewish Cultural Center, 5461 N. Terrace Rd. (423) 493-0270.

“From Books to Brushes” Studio 2/Gallery 2, 27 W. Main St. (423) 266-2222.

“Architectural Landscapes” My Color Image Boutique & Gallery, 330 Frazier Ave. (423) 598-6202.

Dan Williams Photography Bill Shores Frame and Gallery, 307 Manufacturers Rd. (423) 756-6746.

“Transformation 6: Contemporary Works in Glass” Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944.

Summer Salon Hanover Gallery, 11 Frazier Ave. (423) 648-0533.

Bruno Zupan and Carylon Killebrew Art Gallery 1401, 1401 Williams St. (423) 265-0015.

Editor’s Pick: Featured Event Of The Week

UTC Master Chorale The Chorale sings Handel, Purcell, Clausen, Hovahness, Barber, Young, and Whitacre. The concert will conclude with “Cloudburst,” by Eric Whitacre.

Friday, June 11 Free.

7:30 p.m.

Second Presbyterian Church, 700 Pine St. (423) 425-4601. www.utc.edu/music

www.chattanoogapulse.com | June 10, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 23 | The Pulse

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The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 23 | June 10, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

JONESIN’

“All The Right Angles” –they've got the market cornered.

Free Will Astrology GEMINI (May 21-June 20): If you have long conversations with the image in the mirror this week, I won’t call you a megalomaniacal narcissist.

Nor will I make fun of you if you paint 15 selfportraits, or Google yourself obsessively, or fill an entire notebook with answers to the question “Who am I, anyway?” In my astrological opinion, this is an excellent time for you to pursue nosy explorations into the mysteries of your core identity. You have cosmic permission to think about yourself with an intensity you might normally devote to a charismatic idol you’re infatuated with.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): The web site “Nietzsche Family Circus” features collaborations between the sappy family-oriented comic strip “Family Circus” and the austerely portentous wisdom of German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche. Judging from your current astrological omens, I’d say this is a perfect time for you to expose yourself to this stuff. (It’s at http://www. losanjealous.com/nfc/.) You need to toughen up some of your weepy, sentimental urges and brighten up some of your somber, melancholic tendencies.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Gather your rewards, Leo. Soak up the blessings. Collect the favors you’re owed. It’s harvest time for you: your big chance to reap the fruits you’ve been sowing and cultivating these past 11 months. And no, don’t try to stretch out the process. Don’t procrastinate about plucking the ripe pickings. This really is the climax. The time for your peak experience has arrived. If you postpone the harvest for another two weeks, your beauties may start to go to seed.

Across 1 “Little Women” sister 5 His famous role is being reprised in 2010 8 List with activities for kids 12 ___ con pollo 14 Wyatt of the Old West 16 Apple pesticide banned in the 1980s 17 Play ___ in (affect) 18 It may stick out of one’s pants 20 General Colin’s nickname in the dynamite business?

22 Old synthesizer brand 23 Albuquerque coll.

24 Kind of dye 25 Helper, for short 27 Goddess of the dawn 29 “Humble” homes 34 “The Office” actor Steve made up of many parts?

37 Snoring cause 40 Its chairman was Yasser Arafat 41 Long-limbed 42 Thurston of “Gilligan’s Island” moving to Missouri?

45 “The Worst Comedian of All Time,” according to Maxim 46 Betty White recently hosted it 47 Tater 51 Fashion line?

53 Madness’s musical genre 55 ___-Locka, Florida 56 Soundgarden frontman Chris crushed by the other team?

61 Polynesian capital 62 Its ads compare cereal bowl quantities 63 Falls behind 64 Dirty 65 Simmons competitor 66 Major event for a law student 67 Abbr. in many Canadian city names 68 Caustic substances Down 1 Shearing sound 2 Baseball stats 3 They get deployed 4 Ian of “Ratatouille” 5 Body type somewhere in the middle 6 Obama Chief of Staff Emanuel 7 “I could ___ referee” (line from Jay-Z’s “Empire State of Mind”) 8 Down Under pal 9 Airline with a hub at Ben Gurion 10 Finger part 11 Online address 13 Asian mammal also called a

“humped cattle” 15 Elizabeth Wurtzel autobio drug 19 Blue solid on a pool table 21 Lower-level apartment number 26 Network that merged with UPN 28 Missile storage buildings 30 Some tests 31 Cub Scout group 32 Antlered beast 33 The Family Stone leader 35 Some motorcycles 36 On the cheap end 37 It may get in gear 38 Greek consonant 39 “Smoking” alternative 43 Tissue swellings 44 Nevada county 48 “The Writer’s Almanac” subject 49 Burning the midnight oil 50 Cowboys’ home 52 Office notes 54 Part of NEA 56 Busy workers during April 57 Latvian capital 58 Right on the map?

59 “Get going!”

60 Playwright Coward 61 The whole kit and caboodle

Crossword created By Matt Jones. © 2010 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle #0471.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): What are you waiting for, my dear Virgo? Your future power spot has been exerting a strong pull on you. It has been calling for you to come and seize the clout you deserve. But you have not yet fully taken up the offer. As your designated nag and cheerleader, it is my sacred duty to wave a red flag in front of your gorgeous face and command you to pay attention.

In my opinion, you need to drop what you’re doing, race over to the zone of engagement, and pounce.

You’re more than ready to stake a claim to the increased authority you’ll have a mandate to wield in the coming months.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): If you’ve read my horoscopes for a while, you know I’m the least superstitious astrologer on the planet. I champion the cause of reason and logic, praise the beauty of science, and discourage you from constantly scanning the horizon for fearful omens. And yet I’m also a zealous advocate of the power of the liberated imagination. I believe that the playful and disciplined use of fantasy can be a potent agent for benevolent change in your life. That’s why, in accordance with the current astrological configurations, I suggest that you spend some quality time in the coming week having imaginary conversations with the person, living or dead, who inspires you the most.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): “I want to be everywhere at once and do everything at the same time,” writes one of my Scorpio readers, J.T. He’s in luck, because according to my analysis, your tribe is about to enjoy a phase much like what he describes. “No more of this linear, one-day-at-atime stuff,” he continues. “I want a whole week packed into each 24-hour turn of the earth, with heavy doses of leisure time interwoven with thrilling bouts of hard, creative labor. I want to live in a secret garden with ten years of solitude and hang out at a street fair raging with conviviality. I want to sing with angels and romp with devils in between walking the dog, exercising at the gym, and chatting to perfectly ordinary people. I want enough money to fill a swimming pool, and I want to live like there’s no such thing as money.”

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): If you live on the Danish island of Mando, your only hope for driving your vehicle to the mainland and back is when the

By Rob Brezsny Truthrooster@gmail.com tide is low. During those periods, the water often recedes far enough to expose a rough gravel road that’s laid down over a vast mudflat. Winter storms sometimes make even low-tide passages impossible, though. According to my reading of the astrological omens, Sagittarius, there’s a comparable situation in your life. You can only get from where you are to where you want to go at certain selected times and under certain selected conditions. Make sure you’re thoroughly familiar with those times and conditions.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): One of the leading intellectuals of the 20th century, British author Aldous Huxley, wrote more than 20 books, including Brave New World. In his later years he made a surprising confession: “It is a bit embarrassing to have been concerned with the human problem all one’s life and find at the end that one has no more to offer by way of advice than ‘Try to be a little kinder.’” In accordance with your current astrological omens, Capricorn, I’d like you to take a cue from Huxley in the coming week. Proceed on the assumption that the smartest thing you can do—both in terms of bringing you practical benefits and increasing your intelligence -- would be to deepen, expand, and intensify your compassion.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Early in Marcel Proust’s novel In Search of Lost Time, the narrator stumbles upon a dizzying epiphany while having a snack. He dips a small cake into his cup of tea, and when he sips a spoonful, the taste of the sweet crumbs blended with the warm drink transport him into an altered state. Inexplicably, he’s filled with an “all-powerful joy” and “exquisite pleasure” that dissolve his feelings of being “mediocre, contingent, and mortal.” The associations and thoughts triggered by this influx of paradise take him many pages to explore. I mention this, Aquarius, because I expect that you’re about to have your own version of this activation. A seemingly ordinary event will lead to a breakthrough that feeds you for a long time. Be alert for it!

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Environmentalist Bill McKibben says that humans are transforming the planet so drastically that we shouldn’t refer to it as “Earth” any more. To acknowledge the fact that we’re well on our way to living on a very different world, he suggests we rename our home the “Eaarth.” By this logic, maybe we should rename your sign Piisces. The changes you’re in the process of making this year are potentially so dramatic that you will, in a sense, be inhabiting a new astrological sign by January 2011. In your case, however—unlike that of our planet—the majority of your alterations are likely to be invigorating and vitalizing. And you’re now entering a phase when you’ll have maximum opportunity to ensure that successful outcome.

RIES (March 21-April 19): The “secret” is in plain sight. The “hidden resource” is freely available for anyone who intends to use it with integrity. The “lost key” is very close to where you left it when you last used it. The “missing link” is missing only in the sense that no one recognizes it for what it is. The “unasked question” is beaming toward you from three directions. The “wounded talent” will be healed the moment you stop thinking of it as wounded and start regarding it as merely unripe.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): It’s time for some image medicine, Taurus. Wherever you are right now, I invite you to look down at your left palm and imagine that you see the following scene: an infinity sign whose shape is made not by a thin black line but by a series of small yellow rubber duckies.

The duckies are flowing along slowly in continuous motion. They are all wearing gold crowns, each of which is studded with three tiny rubies. With resonant tones that belie their diminutive and comic appearance, the duckies are singing you your favorite song. It makes you feel safe, brave, and at home in the world. What else can see you see there? What happens next?

www.chattanoogapulse.com | June 10, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 23 | The Pulse

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Film Feature

Sometimes Size Really Does Matter

By Gary Poole

“If you are looking for the biggest and best movie experience, you need to head downtown to the Tennessee Aquarium’s IMAX Theater.”

As technology has advanced by leaps and bounds over the decades, we are presented with a wider variety of entertainment choices than ever before. As a child growing up in the 1970s, my choices were fairly limited. I had eight television channels (the three networks, PBS, and a few independents), the local fourscreen movie theater at the mall, 28

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 23 | June 10, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

and later on in the decade the super high-tech Atari 2600 game console, with such groundbreaking games as Pong and Breakout.

No cell phones, no Internet (no home computers, even), no widescreen HD TVs with 500 channels of cable or satellite television and DVR recording capability, no Wiis or X-Boxes, and certainly no 3D, Dolby Surround Sound, digital-movie projector with stadium-seating-type movie theater. It’s amazing all of my fellow ’70s kids didn’t die of sheer boredom back in those entertainment-less days of yore.

Of course, the disadvantage of the modern world is that we often have too many choices. Even in the midst of several years of record-breaking box office revenues, the film industry knows that unless they stay at the cutting edge of entertainment technology, there will be less and less of a reason to go to the movies instead of staying home.

Two of the technological advantages that movie theaters have over television and the Internet are 3D projection and super-large screens with massive sound

systems. Consider that of the 500 movies released last year, the mere 16 of them that were released in 3D accounted for 10 percent of box office receipts. You don’t have to be an accountant to see where this trend is going.

But if you are looking for the biggest and best movie experience, you need to head downtown to the Tennessee Aquarium’s IMAX Theater. You want big? The six-story high screen is 66 feet tall and 89 feet wide, roughly equivalent to the size of a basketball court. You want great sound? They use a sixchannel, high-fidelity loudspeaker system with sub-bass using 44 speakers clustered behind the screen and at the rear and middle of the theater. The result is that everyone enjoys a superb “surround sound” experience that, combined with a very effective 3D system, really puts you right into the middle of whatever you are watching.

So, what can you watch at the IMAX right now?

First and foremost, at least to me, is the highest-grossing film of all time, James Cameron’s magnificent Avatar.

Even if you did see it in 3D in the regular theaters, you have not truly visited Pandora until you see it in IMAX 3D. The experience is breathtaking and puts you into Cameron’s science-fiction fantasy world in way that can only be experienced firsthand.

Another favorite of mine, which I cannot recommend highly enough, is Hubble 3D. Join the flight crew of the space shuttle Atlantis on a virtual trip into space as they attempt to repair the Hubble Space Telescope. The 3D conversion process puts you right on the shuttle with the astronauts, and even more thrilling, out into space as they work directly on the telescope.

But more than that, the film animators use actual Hubble images to create a three-dimensional journey out into the surrounding galaxy, including a beyondfantastic journey to the Orion Nebula.

Narrated by Leonardo DiCaprio, the film

Film Feature

New in Theaters

offers an inspiring and unique look into the Hubble Space Telescope’s legacy and highlights its profound impact on the way we view the universe and ourselves.

And if you really want to experience 3D, be sure to see Wild Ocean 3D. Each year an unbelievable feeding frenzy takes place in the oceans of South Africa as billions of sardines migrate up the Kwazulu-Natal Coast. Wild Ocean 3D captures spectacular breaching whales, feeding sharks, diving gannets, and massive bait balls inside and up close on the giant screen.

The migration has provided an annual food source for both life in the sea and the people living along the African shores for countless generations.

The film demonstrates how business, government, and the local people have joined forces to protect this invaluable ecological resource. Wild Ocean 3D plunges audiences into an epic underwater struggle for survival and reveals the economic and cultural impact the migration has on the coastal communities.

And even when the IMAX shows a “regular” two-dimensional film, the size and scale set it a notch above other theater experiences. Such is the case with the upcoming presentation of Hurricane on the Bayou, which opens June 16. A powerfully moving giant screen film unlike any other, MacGillivray Freeman’s Hurricane on the Bayou carries audiences behind today’s news headlines on a journey deep into the soul-stirring heart of Louisiana—before, during and after the unprecedented devastation of Hurricane Katrina.

Unfolding against the poignant backdrop of the most costly natural disaster in America’s history, Hurricane on the Bayou follows a group of four musicians, both legendary and rising, as they uncover the electrifying culture of New Orleans, explore the beautiful, alligator-filled bayous on airboats, recount their personal stories of Katrina, and most of all, bring the focus to the rapidly disappearing wetlands that are New Orleans’ first line of defense against deadly storms.

The Karate Kid An update of the classic film, this Karate Kid travels to China for a remaking of the original “pickedon boy learns maturity from wise old man” story. In the new version, 12-year-old Dre Parker (Jaden Smith) could’ve been the most popular kid in Detroit, but his mother’s latest career move has landed him in China. Dre immediately falls for his classmate Mei Ying—and the feeling is mutual—but cultural differences make such a friendship impossible.

Even worse, Dre’s feelings make an enemy of the class bully, Cheng. In the land of kung fu, Dre knows only a little karate, and Cheng puts “the karate kid” on the floor with ease.

With no friends in a strange land, Dre has nowhere to turn but maintenance man Mr. Han (Jackie Chan), who is secretly a master of kung fu. As Han teaches Dre that kung fu is not about punches and parries, but maturity and

calm, Dre realizes that facing down the bullies will be the fight of his life.

Starring Jaden Smith, Jackie Chan, Taraji P. Henson Directed by Harald Zwart

The A-Team

Joan Rivers: A Piece Of Work

A group of Iraq War veterans looks to clear their name with the U.S. military, who suspect the four men of committing a crime for which they were framed.

Based on the guilty-pleasure TV series, the revisioning maintains many of the expected elements—the van, the characters, the “I love it when a plan comes together” line—while ramping up the action and intensity.

Starring Liam Neeson, Bradley Cooper, Quinton Jackson, Sharlto Copley Directed by Joe Carnahan

Can we talk? A documentary on the life and career of Joan Rivers, made as the comedienne turns 75 years old.

Directed by Ricki Stern, Annie Sundberg

Coco Channel & Igor Stravinsky Paris 1913. Coco Chanel is infatuated with the rich and handsome Boy Capel, but she is also compelled by her work.

Igor Stravinsky’s The Rite of Spring is about to be performed. The revolutionary dissonances of Igor’s work parallel Coco’s radical ideas. She wants to democratize women’s fashion; he wants to redefine musical taste.

Starring Mads Mikklesen, Anna Mouglalis Directed by Jan Kounen

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Undead Julian Marsh is an out-of-work ladies’ man who lands a job directing a bizarre adaptation of Hamlet. After casting his best friend and his ex-girlfriend in the show, Julian finds himself in the middle of a 2,000-year-old conspiracy that explains the connection between Shakespeare, the Holy Grail and some seriously sexy vampires.

Starring Jake Hoffman, Devon Aoki Directed by Jordan Galland

Winter’s Bone An unflinching Ozark Mountain girl hacks through dangerous social terrain as she hunts down her drug-dealing father while trying to keep her family intact.

Starring Jennifer Lawrence, John Hawkes Directed by Debra Granik www.chattanoogapulse.com | June 10, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 23 | The Pulse

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On The Beat

By Alex Teach

Subliminal Reflux I

“My hands were

gripping my knees and everything else was normal except the steady flow of fire that poured from my open mouth, a deep orange flood of flame steadily draining down my chest and arms.”

When Officer Alexander D. Teach is not patrolling our fair city on the heels of the criminal element, he is an occasional student, carpenter, boating enthusiast, and spends his spare time volunteering for the Boehm Birth Defects Center. To contact him directtly, follow him on Facebook at www.facebook.com/alex.teach

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was in a room illuminated by a sickly grayish light from all four sides, as well as the floor and ceiling; it was more rectangular than a perfect cube and gave the impression of the dimensions of a standard room, but with uncommon lighting. There were neither windows nor doors, but it was covered in grime and the light was uneven, brighter here and darker there, and I sat with my back to one of the walls in a simple armless wooden chair.

I wore a dark wrinkled suit over a white wrinkled dress shirt that was as dirty as the walls, the top button undone and no tie.

My hair was a few inches longer…oily and completely unkempt, and sweat dripped from it over my eyes, which were locked forward. My hands were gripping my knees and everything else was normal except the steady flow of fire that poured from my open mouth, a deep orange flood of flame steadily draining down my chest and arms, over my thighs, and spreading across the floor in all directions with the steadiness and inevitability of lava, but without the collateral damage.

The fire left me completely unharmed, even my clothing, but it poured out of me relentlessly and I was powerless to stop it. I just sat there, veins bulging from the back of my shaking hands and what you could see of my neck and my temples, and nothing else changed except the occasional tear tracking its way down the side of my nose

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 23 | June 10, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

where it evaporated in a spark when it met the fire draining from my jaw. My upper lip twitched into a sneer occasionally and there I sat. For hours. For days. For years.

I woke up, stepped over my dog, and poured my customary glass of ice water and a cup of Joe. (On second thought, scratch that: I’m sticking to water only, this morning. Drinking hot coffee suddenly sounds unappealing.) What the hell was that dream about? Who cares, but still... Since it wasn’t shaped like a large penis I had no idea what fire psychologically symbolized in dreams…but the fact that it didn’t hurt me, yet never stopped, was likely the crux of the thing.

I was still thinking about it when I took a suicide call that turned out to be beyond the usual “cry for help” uttered by the Chronically Unhappy I had near limitless contempt for, and in fact turned out to be a final statement. (I guess they really weren’t happy.)

The caller happened to be the boyfriend of the client inside, and after backup arrived I had him stand aside while I forced a door open. It was one of those silly chain locks that could only be latched from the inside; the apartment was on a second floor and the windows were locked, so there was no sign of foul play either, except for the naked woman lying face-down in the floor of a lightly ransacked living room, covered in her own feces and still gripping one of the prescription pill bottles she had presumably overdosed from, held on to while in a final desperate whirling dervish of capitulation to her demons. It was a mess that reeked of a

Law & Order-style murder mystery, but my gut told me I’d seen it before and we could dial back the drama.

At the end, you see, nature often inspires a change of heart that conflicts with the ravaging effects of the medication, but by then it’s too late and we are forced to relinquish our grip on life, which is in turn followed by our sphincter releasing its own grip, hence being covered in her own feces (as opposed to someone else’s). I’d let the Major Crimes boys judge that for themselves, of course. After establishing that she was pulseless, my only remaining job was to not further spoil the crime scene, so I eased back out.

I exited thinking that at least that was the worst of it, when the concerned boyfriend politely walked up and asked, “So is she all right?” I took a deep breath and raised an eyebrow, and began to speak. (So much for the worst being over.)

That shift passed, and with it the thoughts of that call and even the dream. I wasn’t sure how long it had been, actually, when some time later I rolled up on a man that had come across a dying deer on the roadside, and, as happens in the South, he had elected to gut it then and there to take its carcass home.

Talk about “Green Initiatives”. I was about to head back to my car when I heard him say, “Aw, damn…she was pregnant”, so I turned to look and saw a foal partially emerged from a slit in the deer’s belly, and over the lip of the same cut dark red blood flowed, and flowed, and flowed, spreading ever outward…and it all came back to me with a shudder.

Yes. So much for the worst being over.

www.chattanoogapulse.com | June 10, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 23 | The Pulse

31

Spirits Within

By Joshua Hurley

A Salute to Sam Adams What—beer in a wine

and spirits store? Has the Tennessee state law changed? Not at all. The law actually states that we can sell beer as long as it’s above 6 percent alcohol content. At Riley’s, we offer more than 50 domestic and imported high-gravity beers at low prices. For this week’s “Great Buy”, we offer three from Samuel Adams. Great Buys is where Riley’s Wine and Spirits on Hixson Pike in Hixson picks something special from our large selection of wine and spirits from around the world and shares it with the readership of The Pulse.

Samuel Adams is perhaps the most American and certainly the oldest brewery in the U.S. It was created to honor the real Samuel Adams and his role in the American Revolution as a patriot.

He also happened to be a brewer.

The first beer of Samuel Adams appeared in 1860 in St. Louis as “Sam Adams Lager”, brewed by the Louis Koch Brewery. Sam Adams Lager sold well until prohibition suspended distribution.

Production didn’t resume until 1950. In 1984, “Samuel Adams” became the Boston Beer Company’s flagship label. (Boston Beer Company was founded in 1984 by Louis Koch’s great-grandchild Jim Koch and partners Harry Rubin and Lorenzo Lamario). Today, Samuel Adams makes more than 35 different brews. You can find these three high-gravity Samuel Adams beers at Riley’s: • Samuel Adams Imperial Stout (9.2 Alc/Vol): Stouts are dark beers made with roasted malt, barley, hops, water and yeast.

Stouts are the darkest and strongest beers in the world. In fact, “stout” also means

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The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 23 | June 10, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

‘brave’, ‘proud’ and ‘strong’. Imperial Stout, aka “Russian Imperial Stout” is made using an 18th-century brewing style that originated in London, concocted especially for the royal court of Catherine II of Russia. Its high alcohol content was necessary to withstand freezing on the cold journey to Russia. Imperial Stout is dark brown in color, a tint achieved by roasting the malt until it is deep brown.

It’s aromatic malt, containing flavors of dark chocolate, coffee and anise.

• Samuel Adams Imperial White (10.2 Alc/Vol): Its European classification is a witbier, which translates across the Atlantic into “white beer”. Imperial White is a beer brewed using a large portion of wheat and some unmalted barley. Its ancient Belgian brewing technique uses flavoring of orange peel and coriander.

This hazy-colored pale brew has a heavyduty mouth feel due in large part to the type of wheat it’s brewed with: raw, unmalted wheat, as opposed to a lighter brew using regular malted wheat.

• Samuel Adams Double Bock (9.5 Alc/ Vol): Double Bock originated in Bavaria, where it was first brewed by monks who called it “liquid bread”. This double bock is made using a half pound of malt in each bottle—nearly enough to make an entire batch of bread. The amber-colored brew features a strong, toasted, malty aroma with a rich, velvety malt flavor.

Available in four packs for $9.99 plus tax or $2.75 per bottle. Try them all! Only at Riley’s. Cheers!

Chattanooga Street Scenes

Photography by Louis Lee

“Pardon me boy...”

www.chattanoogapulse.com | June 10, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 23 | The Pulse

33

Ask A Mexican!

By Gustavo Arellano

Special Summer Edicion

“Unlike gabachos, Mexicans respect the public when it comes to flashing our flabby chichis, pompis, and cerveza guts—so when we’re out near the pool or by the beach, we cover up.”

Ask the Mexican at themexican@ askamexican.net, be his fan on Facebook, follow him on Twitter or ask him a video question at youtube.com/askamexicano!

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Dear Mexican, I worked a summer job during college in southern Arizona during the late 1960s, where most of my co-workers were Mexicans from the state of Sonora. Their favorite expression when something was broken was no vale verga, literally “Not worth dick,” but actually meaning “totally f****d up.” What happened with this expression? 40 years later when I use it around Mexicans living in Southern California, or in Mexico, they look at me like I am a gabacho tonto. Pregunta: was this expression limited to a northern Mexico dialect, or simply a colloquialism that went away with the hula hoop?

— Gabacho Confundido Dear Confused Gabacho, No, vale verga is still very much around, and you forgot to mention its noun use to denote someone who is a valeverga—who doesn’t give a shit about anything. I’ll admit that vale verga isn’t as popular as you might remember it, but only because it’s in a curious realm of the Mexican Spanish vulgarity galaxy. Por one, vale verga’s interjectional meaning is overshadowed by its synonym, vale madre (“worth mother”), because Mexicans have an Oedipal complex that would’ve made Freud forsake cocaine in favor of mescal. And, since we’re on the topic of cussing and you mentioned Arizona, I’d be derelict in my duties if I didn’t urge all of ustedes to repeat after me: ¡A LA CHINGADA CON ARPAYASO! Dear Mexican, For a summer, I lived with a half-Mexican, half-Irish kid whose Mom (the Mexican side)

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 23 | June 10, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

went lesbian after his birth. This family taught me to drink tequila and got me laid for the first time by white women. I am part-Native American and Jewish. Am I officially Mexican for this? If so, am I the most oppressed person in America?

— Looking for My Place in Line Dear Injun Heeb, No for the first part; if by “oppressed,” you meant “pendejo,” then yes on the latter!

Dear Mexican, Mexican seafood cocktails look like the perfect summer lunch for a girly girl like me— cool, light, high in protein, low in carbs—but every time I go to a real Mexican place (the kind where Mexicans are actually customers and not cooks), the only people eating them are Corona-slamming, 250-pound bruisers in trucker caps and wife-beaters. I’ve never seen a woman eat one of those amazing-looking seafood cocktails. Why? My main question for you is this: would it be a major faux pas/ potential threat to someone’s masculinity for me to order one of these?

— La Chinita Dear Chinita, No, seafood consumption in Mexico is enjoyed by men and women alike, but the place you’re referring to is a specific genre in Mexican restaurants in los Estados Unidos: the mariscos joint, where women usually exist only as servers with too-low blouses and too-high skirts, and the men are there to slurp down food and knock back beers while ogling said servers at all times. Women

are allowed as customers, and you won’t get too many stares if you enjoy dinner here, but such a mariscos place is the domain of men, just like certain types of restaurants in other immigrant communities (Vietnamese coffee shops, Middle Eastern hookah lounges) play the same role. But stay away from seafood for a while—or at least make sure that shrimp you eat comes from the Pacific and not the pinche Golfo…

Dear Mexican, Why do Mexicans swim in the ocean with their clothes on? I mean, denim?!

— Vicente Fox’s Mustache Dear Pochos, This is by far the most-asked question in ¡Ask a Mexican! history. So, to todos ustedes, I have my own question: Are you all brown-and-chubby chasers? Like gabachos, an alarming number of Mexicans are out of shape. According to a 2003 study by the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development, 24 percent of Mexico’s population is overweight. That’s the second-highest obesity rate in the world, following—wait for it—¡los Estados Unidos!

(The Mexican’s present-day note: A 2008 study found the same results. I’d cite the exact survey, but here comes la migra—gotta run!)

Unlike gabachos, Mexicans respect the public when it comes to flashing our flabby chichis, pompis, and cerveza guts—so when we’re out near the pool or by the beach, we cover up. It ain’t Catholicism, machismo, or an homage to our swim across the Rio Grande: It’s just good manners.