The Pulse - Vol. 7, Issue 30 by Brewer Media Group

Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative

What Lies Beneath: Underground Chattanooga Story by Cody Maxwell + Photos by Lesha Patterson

FREE • News, Views, Music, Film, Arts & Entertainment • July 29, 2010 • Volume 7, Issue 30 • www.chattanoogapulse.com

Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative President Jim Brewer, II Publisher Zachary Cooper Contributing Editor Janis Hashe News Editor / Art Director Gary Poole Advertising Manager Rhonda Rollins Advertising Sales Rick Leavell, Townes Webb Graphic Design Jennifer Grelier Staff Photographers Louis Lee, Corinne Oglesby Contributing Writers Gustavo Arellano, Rob Brezsny, Chuck Crowder, John DeVore Joshua Hurley, Helene Houses Mark Kehoe, Matt Jones D.E. Langley, Cody Maxwell Tara Morris-Viland, Ernie Paik Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D. Alex Teach Editorial Cartoonist Rick Baldwin Calendar Editors Bryanna Burns, Josh Lang Editorial Assistant Sean Lee Contact Info: Phone (423) 265-9494 Fax (423) 266-2335 Email Inquiries info@chattanoogapulse.com Calendar Submissions calendar@chattanoogapulse.com The Pulse is published weekly and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publishers may take more than one copy per weekly issue. The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors.

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Brewer Media 1305 Carter Street Chattanooga, Tennessee 37402 Letters to the editor must include name, address and daytime phone number for verification. The Pulse reserves the right to edit letters for space and clarity. Please keep letters within 300 words in length.

29 2010

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AL OR se NU VIS IES Pul AN RO VIT The P I IM ST in FE ek e w xt ne

JULY

10 UNDERGROUND CHATTANOOGA By Cody Maxwell In Chattanooga, early in the first week of March 1867, rains came, and did not stop for four days. People watched as the streets turned to mud and crops were destroyed. The small streams and rivulets that ran off the sides of the mountains turned to raging rivers and, most troubling, the Tennessee River was rising. Those who had the means made for higher ground and those that did not held on.

feature stories

Photography by Lesha Patterson

14 OPEN UP WITH RAMBLE HORSE By Tara Morris-Viland This Friday night, the Nightfall Concert Series continues at Miller Plaza. We speak a lot of this event and rightfully so, since many times the bands brought on stage are more than worthy of mention.

18 DO SWEAT IT By Helene Houses David and Amy Sedaris are hip cultural icons. The reedy, ironic but irresistible tones of David Sedaris, telling stories and tale tales from his improbable life, and Amy Sedaris’s motivational speaker character on Comedy Central, have literally become part of “This American Life.”

24 RETURN TO KLICKITAT STREET By John DeVore If you are like me, you grew up reading stories by Beverly Cleary about the children living on Klickitat Street. Perhaps, if you are like me, you remember the “Ramona” television show on PBS. So popular was this show in my family, that my father rushed us home after church.

news & views 5 6 8 22 26 30

PULSE BEATS BEYOND THE HEADLINES SHRINK RAP LIFE IN THE NOOG ON THE BEAT ASK A MEXICAN

everything else 4 4 5 7 7 15 16 19 25 25 28 29

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR EDITOON CITY COUNCILSCOPE POLICE BLOTTER THE LIST NEW MUSIC REVIEWS MUSIC CALENDAR A&E CALENDAR JONESIN’ CROSSWORD FREE WILL ASTROLOGY SPIRITS WITHIN DINING OUT

Letters to the Editor For The Love Of Beer I had been contemplating a vacation trip for the fall and was just about set on Savannah when I ran across your cover story about beer [“Microbreweries: What’s Brewing in Chattanooga?”] and changed my mind. After decades of Americans having to look beyond our borders to find decent beer, it’s refreshing to see more and more small companies bring back the art of local brewing. A city that embraces such efforts is a city worth visiting. Although, to be honest, I told my kids were going to Chattanooga because of the Aquarium. Stanley Jenkins Gulf Oil Madness BP’s deception comes as no surprise to any of us. [“Cooking Oil”, Beyond The Headlines] Think about it: If there had been no explosion in the beginning, would we have known about the gushing oil from the well? How many of the abandoned oceans oil wells are gushing oil? Shouldn’t here be an agency that monitors all oil companies’ drilling action in our ocean beds? Oh, that’s right, there is...however, just like BP, Exxon and the rest of the oil companies, government official agencies are busy covering their lies, and dancing the Dance of Deliberate Deception. It is just a ploy to take the focus

from the health issues that face the oil cleanup workers in the Gulf. In 1989 Exxon told the cleanup workers the same story, that the crude oil is not toxic. Some of us are living proof of the toxic exposure, and many others have died. Merle Savage Investigating The Mayor The City Council has the power to keep the mayor in check, yet it seems they may conspire to support Littlefield’s slush funds. Is this the council’s job? Remember, a lie told often enough becomes the truth. Only limited and carefully defined powers should be delegated to government, all others being retained by the people. Joe Bob Jones Surviving The Teen Years I feel your pain, Chuck! [“The Road Less Travelled”, Life In The Noog] I have two daughters myself, one in college and the other in high school. Believe me, it gets more and more complicated as time goes on. Enjoy these early teen years as they will go by extremely fast. I think it is great that you and your daughter are so close and are able to travel the way “you all” do. Randy Crowder

Which One Is The Teen? After reading Chuck Crowder’s latest column [“Cats And Dogs, Baby, Cats And Dogs”, Life In The Noog], I have to wonder if his previous column about his teenager daughter was an aberration or if maybe he regressed to a teen mentality himself. “Men are juvenile pigs who insult each other, women are brainless twits who congregate in bathrooms” is not the level of writing The Pulse should tolerate. It’s insulting to all mature men and women. Allison Simpson-Lee

Send all letters to the editor and questions to info@chattanoogapulse.com We reserve the right to edit letters for content and space. Please include your full name, city and contact information.

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 30 | July 29, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

Pulse Beats

Quote Of The Week:

A rundown of the newsy, the notable, and the notorious...

“Mayor Littlefield has demonstrated an improper, unethical and perhaps contemptible disregard for the separation of powers between the judicial and executive branches of government.” —Chattanooga City Court Judge Sherry Paty, after recusing herself from a case involving The Pet Company after receiving an e-mail from Mayor Littlefield.

Fundraising Campaign Set For Memorial In an effort to raise funds to renovate the Community Theatre on the third floor of the Soldiers and Sailors Memorial Auditorium, the city’s Department of Education, Arts & Culture will host a fundraising campaign kickoff on Thursday, August 5. “This $3 million renovation project will be donor-driven, engaging volunteers, outside partners, in-kind contributions, and other means to fully restore the Community Theatre—a smaller venue located on the third floor of the auditorium, which will seat approximately 700 when completed,” said EAC Administrator Missy Crutchfield. “At the same time, we are working with veterans groups and active duty military to increase activities and events at Soldiers and Sailors Memorial Auditorium to breathe new life into this building and make it a memorial truly worthy of our veterans and troops.” The campaign kickoff will feature a full day of activities focused on aiding and assisting active duty troops serving around the world as well as a special appearance by the U.S. Army sponsored #39 NASCAR Spring Cup car. Among the events, driveby donations will be accepted throughout the morning and evening for Troop Care Packages and Operation Hooah (military wives and mothers) in front of the auditorium, children’s activities will go on during the later afternoon, and a full reception scheduled for 7 p.m. with remarks from Admiral Vance Fry.

Here is one of the more interesting agenda items set to be discussed at the Tuesday, August 10 meeting of the Chattanooga City Council. There is no council meeting on Tursday, August 3, so we look ahead to what’s in store for Tuesday, August 10: 5. Ordinances - Final Reading:

Neighborhood Partners Program Applications Being Accepted Chattanooga’s Department of Neighborhood Services has announced the availability of limited funding for the Neighborhood Partners Program, which is designed to support neighborhood projects that focus on development by attracting new and diverse membership, beautification and community pride efforts, such as landscaping a neighborhood entrance, and reducing the city’s environmental footprint by planting trees. Proposed projects must demonstrate civic participation and create community-based solutions that will substantially improve neighborhoods as well as nurture relationships among neighbors. Neighborhood associations and civic organizations located within the Chattanooga city limits are eligible to apply for these highly competitive funds. Projects will be evaluated by an independent selection committee based on a point system and

the following criteria: capacity, impact, implementation/evaluation, and sustainability. This program supports neighborhood associations and civic organizations in carrying out development activities and improvements using the cooperative efforts of a project team and voluntary contributions of neighborhood individuals, businesses, schools and other organizations. NPP responds to years of input from neighborhood and community leaders for increased direct resources to neighborhood associations and other community-based groups working on local neighborhood projects. In most cases, this program is the only source of funding for these small-scale neighborhood projects. Over the past five years, 228 neighborhood and community organization projects have been funded through the Neighborhood Partners Program.

b) An ordinance appropriating, authorizing or allocating funds to the Capital Improvements Budget for the fiscal year 2010/2011 and to amend the fiscal year 2010/2011 Budget Ordinance No. 12410.

This will be the final reading, barring any postponements or deferrals, of the second half of the city budget, this one dealing with capital improvements. Among the more controversial of the items proposed is a $6.5 million allocation (matched by the county) to build a new parking garage for TVA’s use next to the their downtown campus. Many people have written letters and called our local talk radio stations to question the spending priorities of our elected leaders. The Chattanooga City Council meets each Tuesday at 6 p.m. in the City Council Building at 1000 Lindsay St. For more information on the agenda and minutes from past meetings, visit www. Chattanooga.gov/City_Council/110_Agenda.asp

www.chattanoogapulse.com | July 29, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 30 | The Pulse

Beyond The Headlines

Special Delivery: Wilson Goes Home

By Mark Kehoe

“The two of us went to the post office and Elaine surprised Cindy by delivering Wilson in a large envelope.”

ilson lived at the downtown Chattanooga Post Office for more than five years. He was a part of the USPS family. He was also a conversation piece for many customers. But everything changed when a relief post office clerk casually gave Wilson away to a customer. “Wilson,” as he was dubbed by the post office staff, is a ball made out of stickers. You know when you buy a book of stamps and after you peel a stamp away, there

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 30 | July 29, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

is just an adhesive boarder? Well, that’s what he’s made of. The crew downtown had been working on the ball for years and he had gotten pretty big. In fact, he had steadily grown to about the size of a large grapefruit. The turmoil started when Elaine, the customer, mentioned to the attendant how cool and interesting Wilson was. So, in response, the clerk gave him to her. Now, this clerk was not a regular and was just filling in downtown. Of course he did not know Wilson’s history—but he still should not have just given him away. After discovering that he was gone, the staff was not just upset, they were heartbroken. When I was discussing the situation with one of the clerks, Cindy, I could almost hear her yelling “Wilson” at the top of her lungs after finding out that he was gone. (You might have already guessed that his namesake is Tom Hanks’s silent but lovable friend in the movie Castaway.) Nearly every time I’d gone to the downtown post office, I had picked Wilson up and commented on how much he’d grown. I was not the only one, either. Cindy told me that many other people loved to pick him up or talk about him. I really felt bad for the crew downtown, especially when I saw how they were trying to get over Wilson by starting

another sticker ball. This new one—Baby Wilson—is not much more than one inch in diameter. It was so sad to see, but I had to admire the way the staff was trying to move forward and deal with grief so courageously. However, I could not stand to see their pain—and so I had to do something. It was just a coincidence that as a counselor at the Chattanooga Zoo’s Camp ZooAbility, I happen to be working with Elaine this summer. Elaine is the therapeutic recreation coordinator for Chattanooga’s Parks and Recreation Department. After finding out about Wilson, I vaguely remembered seeing something that looked a lot like him in Elaine’s office. I simply asked her about it, and when it turned out to be him, Elaine did not hesitate to give him back. I was really touched that she was so willing to return him. The two of us went to the post office and Elaine surprised Cindy by delivering Wilson in a large envelope. The stillgrieving postal clerk peered inside and was overjoyed to see Wilson. She started letting the rest of the crew know that Wilson was back. As for the guy who gave Wilson away, the crew has playfully given him a lot of grief. However, the sign hanging just below Baby Wilson told the story, as it read, “Do not remove—Baby Wilson—not to be given away!”

A weekly roundup of the newsworthy, notable and often head-scratching stories gleaned from police reports from the Chattanooga Police Department, the Hamilton County Sheriff’s Office, the Bradley County Sheriff’s Department and the Dalton Police Department.

• Dalton Police are especially annoyed with a young man who has a very inappropriate way of getting female attention. Twice in the past week, a young white man has groped women in the parking lots of area stores before fleeing on foot. The first incident happened outside a clothing store on Walnut Avenue, when the man walked up behind a woman and pulled down her top. The second incident occurred several days later when the same suspect confronted two women in the mall parking lot and grabbed one of the women in the chest before running away. Officers responding to both calls searched the surrounding areas but were unable to locate the groper. However, they do have video surveillance footage of the suspect and are asking anyone who knows anything about the incidents to call them at (706) 278-9085. • Far too many burglars think they are criminal masterminds when in fact they are anything but. Case in point: a trio of Bradley County teenagers who thought breaking into cars in broad daylight next to an elementary school would be a bright idea. Fortunately for the law-abiding

among us, a number of witnesses called police with a description of the vehicle the three were riding in, which was spotted moments later. Officers stopped the vehicle and found a number of stolen items, including a digital camera and several MP3 players. Two 19 year olds were taken into custody, along with an underage juvenile. All three are facing charges of auto burglary, while the 19 year olds are also facing “contributing to the delinquency of a minor” charges. • Advice to retail managers: If you are the only one on the sales floor and a customer tells you there is call from the “home office” in the back, don’t believe them. Unfortunately for the manager of a woman’s clothing boutique, she fell victim to the scam. A woman came into the store and informed her there was a call from the home office. While the manager was dealing with the false call, the woman cleaned out two drawers full of expensive undergarments and high-tailed it out of the store. Police are reviewing surveillance footage and warning other store managers and employees to be aware of the same scam.

The List Ice-Cold Summer Drinks 1. Iced Cafe au Lait. A simple iced coffee recipe, heavy on the milk. A quick iced coffee recipe is very handy in the summer. 2. Thai Iced Tea. A creamy iced tea, with some spicy hints. An iced tea recipe for all chai fans. Only a couple of spices, but enough to make a delicious impact.

• And while we here at the Police Blotter always feel bad for those whose vehicles are broken into, we also always strongly encourage people not to leave anything of value inside their vehicles. However, our advice is too late for several people who work at a candy plant off Cummings Road, who found the windows of their vehicles broken out late one evening last week. Among the items taken were a CD player, two cell phones, clothes, an $80 bottle of cologne and more than $3,000 worth of CDs. The rule of thumb should be to either take your expensive items with you or leave them at home. And as a side note to the man with the $3,000 CD collection: buy a portable MP3 player. Seriously, that’s what they were invented for.

3. Classic Lemonade. Lemons, sugar and water. The most simple lemonade recipe, and yet so refreshing. 4. Sparkling Jasmine Iced Tea. A sparkling iced tea, flavored with jasmine and brown sugar syrup. 5. Ginger Lemonade. Fresh ginger gives traditional lemonade a new flavor. Be careful, though, ginger is a very potent ingredient. 6. Italian Chocolate Soda. A sparkling drink with a hint of chocolate and cream. 7. Boston Iced Tea. A wonderfully tart recipe for cranberry iced tea. The name comes from the cranberry bogs in the Boston area.

www.chattanoogapulse.com | July 29, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 30 | The Pulse

Shrink Rap

By Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D

Wanderin’ and Shoe-Burnin’ H

“The reason we’re not lost when we’re wandering— consciously, mindfully wandering—is because we are, in fact, doing just the opposite. We’re being found.” Dr. Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist, minister, and educator, in private practice in Chattanooga, and the author of “Empowering the Tribe” and “The Power of a Partner.” Visit his new wellness center, Well Nest, at www. WellNestChattanooga.com, and his web site at www.DrRPH.com

ave you ever heard of a “walkabout”? A walkabout, as defined by Wikipedia, is “an Australian term referring to the commonly-held belief that Australian Aborigines would go walkabout at the age of thirteen in the wilderness for six months as a rite of passage. In this practice they would trace the paths that their people’s ceremonial ancestors took, and imitate, in a fashion, their heroic deeds.” I have friends who’ve done their own modern-day version of a walkabout. While perhaps more accurately called a “driveabout,” they have embarked on freespirited adventures to re-connect with themselves—their internal universe—by connecting with external experiences that lie far beyond the boundaries of the busy lives they lead. This kind of traveling sabbatical is, for them, a way to renew the spirit, feed the soul, meet interesting people and have unusual experiences. These wanderings beautifully reflect their commitment to personal enrichment and intellectual discovery. Wherever their journeys take them, I have no doubt that they will be much-remembered milestones in the bigger journey of their lives. One friend simply packed up his truck with camping supplies and headed north for a month. He had no concrete plans and a minimal map. The other friend took six months to ramble throughout the country… no hotel reservations; just some friends sprinkled here and there who offered a place

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 30 | July 29, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

to crash for a few nights. I made a similar, brief journey to Mexico when I was younger. I slept on the beach in my old VW bug and woke to a glorious sunrise. I still remember that very moment, and the memory makes me smile to this day. This past weekend I had the truly great experience of hearing Grayson Capps live at Barking Legs theatre. If you don’t know Grayson, he’s a long-haired, scruffy-bearded, Alabama-born singer/songwriter/poet, whose whiskey-voiced folk tunes often had us singing along, thoroughly enjoying his earthy lyrics and contagious melodies. He plays guitar and harmonica with abandon, and tells it like it is—the world according to Grayson. He may sing about a buddy, a girl, moonshine, God, a New Orleans prostitute, or the albino possum that devours his strawberry garden. I mention him because he told this great story about a “shoe-burnin’” ritual that goes on in a small Alabama town where his father lives. Seems they’ll hold a bonfire, and the participants toss in shoes that they no longer wear. As the pair of shoes burns, they tell stories about where those shoes have taken them. The wanderings, the adventures, the walkabouts. I am reminded of one of my favorite phrases: “Not all who wander are lost.” The reason we’re not lost when we’re wandering— consciously, mindfully wandering—is because we are, in fact, doing just the opposite. We’re being found. We’re finding ourselves. We’re discovering new and unusual external experiences, of people, language, food, cultures, and traditions. But we’re also discovering parts of our inner selves that,

without such exposure to these experiences would lie dormant, unstimulated and unexpressed. It is precisely in the creative act of wandering that we unearth ourselves, like some primal, personal archeological dig into our psyches and souls. This is why I’m a big fan of travel, of going away for school, of taking a job in another city, of moving to other parts of the country where there are distinct cultures, different accents, and unfamiliar foods. Push that envelope and become unsheltered; become a citizen of the world. And if you return home, you bring with you a wealth of experience, a broader mind, a greater tolerance for the ways and beliefs of others. Go. Just go. And if you’re unable to go geographically— well, you can still wander. You can explore and excavate through meditation, books, a walk along the river, a romp with the pup, a conversation with a stranger, a spiritual service, a deep breath. We find ourselves, and expand ourselves, bit by bit, in moments of mindful living. And in doing so, we gain insight into who we are, what we believe, and how we interact with the world. My suggestion: Enrich your soul: think positive thoughts, call a loved one, light a candle. Expand your mind: read, meditate, solve a puzzle. Enliven your senses: eat well, play well, and explore nature. Create your life. Wander. And let yourself be found. Until next week: “You can be anybody that you long to be, you can love whomever you will. You can travel any country where your heart leads, and know I will love you still.” — Michael Callen

www.chattanoogapulse.com | July 29, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 30 | The Pulse

Cover Story

What Lies Beneath: Underground Chattanooga Story by Cody Maxwell Photos by Lesha Patterson

“There is wonder, though: staircases to nowhere, rusted metal lights hanging from rotten ceilings, doorways that lead to blackness, old signs painted and crumbling on walls that were once street level.” 10

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 30 | July 29, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

Water pourin’ into Vicksburg, don’t know what I’m goin’ to do “Don’t reach out for me,” she said “Can’t you see I’m drownin’ too?” It’s rough out there High water everywhere — Bob Dylan

n Chattanooga, early in the first week of March 1867, rains came, and did not stop for four days. People watched as the streets turned to mud and crops were destroyed. The small streams and rivulets that ran off the sides of the mountains turned to raging rivers and, most troubling, the Tennessee River was rising. Those who had the means made for higher ground and those that did not held on. A telegraph from Knoxville came through to Chattanooga’s telegraph station,

asking if floodwaters had entered their building yet. They had not, and Knoxville replied that they would by morning. Soon thereafter, all the telegraph wires were down and communication to and from the city was cut off. Chattanooga was slammed by a river that had risen 57 feet. The Military Bridge, then the only bridge in the city, washed out, disconnecting the city from the north shore of the river. Homes and cabins floated by and helpless, dying cries were heard from inside them as they passed. Once operable flour and corn mills floated down the river, as did water wheels, homes and livestock. The rail yard

Cover Story “They told him about rooms beneath some of the older buildings that had been bolted and locked shut years ago and no one could say what was on the other side.” was completely submerged. Boats paddled up and down Market, Broad and Chestnut Streets, and all the intervening streets as far south as what is now MLK Boulevard. One of these boats was seen to capsize between the Episcopal and Presbyterian churches near 7th Street, killing the three men who were on board. A house floated through the city near what was then Sutlertown with two men hanging on to its roof. The two men slipped off, and when trying to climb back onto the roof the house turned over, dragging the men to their deaths beneath it. The bodies of other men, women and children all floated through the city—one man claimed to have been inside his house on the old Lookout Mountain road and watched as many as 15 bodies pass before him one day. During the night came the fiends. Windows were smashed and businesses were looted, their goods being paddled silently away down the city streets. Homes were robbed and an angry group of business owners, about a hundred of them, banded together and made their way to the commander of a military post then in Chattanooga, demanding that martial law be declared to stop the looting. One afternoon, despite the dangers, an unknown but enterprising man rowed a barge from the river up Broad Street and into the Read House, paddled right through its front doors and welcomed aboard a band of fine ladies who were stranded at the hotel. This forgotten man toured the women through and around Chattanooga’s Venice-like streets and showed them the devastation in progress. The visiting women were said to have very much enjoyed the ride, and this led to a new pastime for the next few days. Boats were constantly rowing through the doors and into the front room of the Read House and other buildings, ferrying

visitors about the crumbling town, until the city mayor put a stop to it, hoping to preserve the dignity of the dead and helpless. In the very midst of all this terror and foolishness, even while the water was still rising, an anonymous reporter wrote this to the desperate, flooded citizens of Chattanooga on March 9, 1867, in the Daily American Union, an old Chattanooga newspaper: “It seems, indeed, as though upon our fair land the curses of war, pestilence, and famine, were not sufficient, and now this additional calamity has befallen us. Still, one ought not to despair, nor to let their losses be an excuse for a folding of the hands and a cessation from labor. “This calamity should rather be an incentive to new efforts. So far as its being an injury to the future prosperity of the town is concerned, our citizens need feel no alarm. Under the direction of his Honor, Mayor Carr, our energetic and worthy Engineer, Col. Wm. B. Gaw, will, when this flood has reached its highest point, make a series of water marks, showing the height of this flood, and when the waters have subsided, and he establishes the grades of the streets in the city as he is authorized to do, the grade of every street in Chattanooga will be raised to a sufficient height above the level of this flood to preclude the possibility of any part of the city ever being again submerged. Chattanooga is a young and thriving city and, with all the chances in her favor, her people are not to be discouraged by anything. We are bound to make this city the first city in the South, and by the help of God, who always aids those who help themselves, we will do it.” Reading the accounts of the disaster today, one is struck by the absence of the sad stories. No writer spoke of people waving helpless white flags from rooftops www.chattanoogapulse.com | July 29, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 30 | The Pulse

Cover Story “When this flood has reached its highest point, make a series of water marks, showing the height of this flood, and when the waters have subsided…the grade of every street in Chattanooga will be raised to a sufficient height above the level of this flood to preclude the possibility of any part of the city ever being again submerged.” or angry tirades demanding the president come and part the waters. This was a different time. From the determined sound of those old newspaper stories, the citizens of 1867 would have needed an even greater weather catastrophe before they cried out for help. Remember, the Civil War had just ended (in which Chattanooga had played a huge part) and Reconstruction was in its youth. For these drowning people to scream toward Washington, insisting that the federal government was responsible for their lives and livelihoods would have required a weather catastrophe along the lines of a cold day in hell. It was not until March 14 that the floodwaters began to subside, and the city was left covered in mud and debris and nearly destroyed. The Daily American Union told of the dangers being faced by downtown citizens and shopkeepers, of capsized boats leaning against storefronts, of a house washed up in the middle of Chestnut Street and the wreckage of countless other structures strewn about the city. The newspaper also felt it important to offer this prudent warning to the unwary: “… hoop skirts and unmentionable articles of women’s apparel are seen hanging from drying lines in suspicious proximity to gentlemen’s hats [and] coats.” The Daily American Union left no stone unturned. As the years passed, memories of the flood faded. The Tennessee River was dammed and brought under control. Eventually, the harrowing flood and the destruction of Chattanooga were forgotten.

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 30 | July 29, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

More than a century later, archaeologist and UTC Professor Dr. Jeff Brown became fascinated by strange architectural features he was finding on some of Chattanooga’s downtown buildings. Walking the city streets, he’d find the top of a window at sidewalk level here, a half-submerged doorway there. Asking around, he learned from some of the city’s utility workers that there were tunnels beneath these city streets, some of which ran all the way to the river and others that led to nowhere. There were stairways that led up to the sides of doorless walls. They told him about rooms beneath some of the older buildings that had been bolted and locked shut years ago and no one could say what was on the other side. Dr. Brown noticed that none of these tunnels or underground rooms were marked on any of the city’s maps, and no one questioned seemed to know when they were created or why these mysterious tunnels and caverns existed. City workers told of digging outside downtown buildings and finding staircases that led into the sides of underground walls. Intrigued, Dr. Brown looked into these architectural oddities further—and what he eventually found was that the city of Chattanooga had been backfilled and lifted, from six feet at 9th Street to more than 20 feet at the north end of downtown. Though forgotten, that anonymous reporter’s exhortation in the March 9, 1867 edition of the Daily American Union had been carried out. The level of Chattanooga’s streets had been silently raised, from the river all the way to 9th Street, up to 20 feet at some

Cover Story points. Strangely, the amazing feat was poorly documented. There were the newspaper reports and photographs of the flood, then for nearly a hundred years all was forgotten until Dr. Brown rediscovered, in a sense, the phenomenal task the citizens of Chattanooga had accomplished. While people were drowning, starving and the river still rising, they said they were going to pick the entire north end of the city up and raise it 20 feet—a nearly unimaginable task— but the proof of their determination is found right under our feet. The ruins are still there today. Under the streets and buildings on the north end of downtown, a person feeling ratty enough can pop down a manhole when no one’s looking and see a side of Chattanooga that hasn’t been seen in over a century. Don’t expect to find gold tombs, Dead Sea scrolls or Rosetta Stones there. There is wonder, though: staircases to nowhere, rusted metal lights hanging from rotten ceilings, doorways that lead to blackness, old signs painted and crumbling on walls that were once street level. These ruins are the dream homes of ghost stories—Chattanooga Ghost Tours will even take you to see part of the Underground. But the ghosts there are of a different sort—you find under this city ghosts of a time

when men were determined to make it on their own and when selfreliance and pride determined a people’s worth. To today’s citizens, the old 1867 mud puddle seems a thousand years away—to most it has been forgotten. But those old citizens who braved the flood, lived through it and swore to restore the city they were once proud of—what if we today were to have passed by them then? They would be standing in the middle of Market Street,

knee-deep in mud and garbage, shovel in hand and sweating. They might pause for a moment if we were to pass by and ask them why the president didn’t have the National Guard down here, or even why the president himself wasn’t there to help clean up that pile on the north end of Broad Street. Back in our world, tonight’s nightly news should remind us all this: oil wells still explode, dams burst, economies still bottom out, banks still don’t give a damn about you and those bread lines are long. But 20 feet under the north end of Market Street some mud-caked ghost might float up and remind a person of what citizenry once was and what self-reliance meant, if one is willing to see them that way; or, if the shoe fits, one could run away scared. Or one could go stand in front of the bathroom mirror, pinch their nose to get the tone right, point a finger at themselves and in their best Bob Dylan voice sing: You get sugar for sugar and you get salt for salt and if you go down in the flood it’s gonna be your fault

www.chattanoogapulse.com | July 29, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 30 | The Pulse

Music Feature

Open Up with Ramble Horse T

By Tara Morris-Viland

“The eclectic styles of music represented by each member seem to have a cymatic design, and the band has naturally evolved with lyrical stories of ocean dreams, growing up, and girls.”

his Friday night, the Nightfall Concert Series continues at Miller Plaza. We speak a lot of this event and rightfully so, since many times the bands brought on stage are more than worthy of mention. For those not familiar or have been living in a cave, Nightfall is held at the corner of Market Street and Martin Luther King Blvd. This event touches a multitude of people in Chattanooga and beyond, from families, dog owners, motorcyclists, beer drinkers, music lovers and social butterflies. If only I had a dog and motorcycle… With the amazing talent hitting the stage. I wanted to take a break and share a reason to get to the plaza a bit early—the opening local bands. Carla Pritchard of River City Company (RCC), the presenters of Nightfall, gave me a quick rundown of how each opening band is chosen. It is a team effort and each act is booked with sound and connectivity in mind. (Kind of shoots down my image of a “Wizard of Oz”-like character in an office spinning the Wheel of Local Bands, but hey, we can always dream.) There is actually a group of real people to thank for these magical Friday nights. This committee not only has a file drawer full of submissions, but each member is very in tune with the ever-growing music scene. RCC

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 30 | July 29, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

believes having a local opener is important to the grassroots feel of Nightfall and keeps the indigenous vibe that many of us hold dear to our Chattaboogie hearts. Carla says that except for The Bohannons, each band opening this season is playing Nightfall for the first time. What a great way for these bands to get out of the bars and into a different audience. It was not planned this way, but it definitely proves how much our musical community is expanding. Our opening band for this week is Ramble Horse. These around-town dudes have been playing for a little over a year and seem to be making all the right moves. I sat down with two of the four members, Bijan Dhanani and Kip Smith, the founders and long-time friends. The other two members of Ramble Horse are Wilch Oehmig and Jimbo Schwartz. First thing I noticed when checking these guys out is that they each have really unique names. Which is always a good sign. The group came together in spring of ’09, a few changes occurred, and this lineup began the following fall. When attempting to identify a genre for their musical style, we couldn’t help but agree that the word “genre” is becoming somewhat obsolete. With decades of influences, most experimental music can be hard to pin down to one word, and in the case of these Baylor Boys it shouldn’t be. But for now we will go with psychedelic-surf-folk-rockspealadocious. The eclectic styles of music represented by each member seem to have a cymatic design (YouTube it) and the band has naturally evolved with lyrical stories of ocean dreams, growing up, and girls. Of course, with “girls”, where would inspiration derive from if it weren’t for a few broken hearts and hard-

learned lessons? As Kip states, “Music is forever and girls—well, not always.” Their music speaks of attempting to understand or explain something that is unexplainable. “We are doing something that feels right and we feel like we are saying something that has been said before, but in a fresh and fun way,” Kip says. It is always a beautiful thing to sit with men and let them talk about themselves, but I was very impressed with the passion and honesty in their story and even broke out into quite a few laughs. Stories of first-show disasters and achieving a spot in SXSW echoed down Tremont Street. Ramble Horse has all the elements, an original lyricist, trusted critic, careful musician, and master gardener. Everything you need to create a growing garden of good music and strength that can only be Ramble Horse. The headliner this week is Plants & Animals. This grooving three-piece band out of Montreal is going to whisk you away to the Canadian winters, stretching along to the California coast with a sound that seems to be reincarnated from the early 1970s. These two bands couldn’t have been paired easier—and have more in common then they may know. I do hope they get to meet and share. They’ll also be sharing their wonderment with you on another Friday summer night down at Miller Plaza.

Ramble Horse (opening for Plants & Animals) Free 7 p.m. Nightfall, Miller Plaza, 850 Market St. www.nightfallchattanooga.com

New Music Reviews

By Ernie Paik

Pocahaunted

Friendo

Make It Real

Cold Toads

(Not Not Fun)

(St. Ives)

The Los Angeles group Pocahaunted, led by vocalist Amanda Brown, concocts entrancing, murky, druggedout jams and dub-influenced sound pieces, using approaches for each release ranging from “dark raga” to “tribal soul” to “Pocahaunted does Tom Tom Club,” according to Brown. It grew from being a prolific two-woman outfit including Bethany Cosentino, who has since left and now leads the pop band Best Coast, to its current five-piece configuration featured on its latest album Make It Real. It expands upon the territory mapped out on previous releases, going from the American West to Jamaica to outer space, and this time, it has a blurred focus on psychedelic funk, with a loose grip and deep grooves. Make It Real opens with “Touch You,” setting the scene with a Jah Wobble-esque bass line, somewhat bleary funk drum beats, echoing organ chords, and a wandering guitar searching for a melody; it picks up the pace in the last minute and a half, ramping up to a busy conclusion. The three female voices largely function as one faceless collective; the words themselves hardly matter on Make It Real, and there aren’t very many of them—the lyrics could all probably fit on a business card. But rich lyricism isn’t the point of the band, which chooses to enthrall with the pull of repetition and even uses wordless singing on “You Do Voo Doo.” Although Make It Real generally has shorter songs than usual for the group, much of it could be heard as one giant, sweaty, reverberating mass. Some moments stand out, like the saxophone accents on “U.F.O.” and the organ-chord delay pedal meltdown on the closing track “Save Yrself (Its Nice),” which sports vague West African touches. Fully enjoying psychedelic music, funk, or dub means giving in to it, and Pocahaunted’s amalgam is a satisfyingly unusual intersection that effectively casts a time-defying trance spell.

Five seconds into “Counter/ Time,” the opening track of the mini-album Cold Toads by the Calgary trio Friendo, a jarring out-oftune guitar joins the song, which might be enough for some people to immediately dismiss the band. The drumming, not exactly streamlined or totally confident, adds to this notion. “Try! Try harder!” I thought as I cringed. However, if the listener makes it far enough into it, then things start to make a little more sense. Friendo features Michael Wallace, who plays drums for the group Women, and here, he takes the role of front man, with singing and lead guitar duties, joined by Nicole Brunel and Henry Hsieh on guitar and drums, respectively. The group strolls through songs with a tender charm—not really naïve, but not exactly experienced— occasionally beefed up with guitar distortion and lo-fi blasts. A typical number maps out its melodies with straight eighth notes and an uncomplicated rhythm, and the low, repeated guitar notes give the band a sort of late ’70s post-punk quality, like on the track “Oversees,” which could pass for some early demo of a Factory Records band if the vocals sported a British accent. The unrefined musicianship and homerecorded quality of Cold Toads also brings to mind music from the British D.I.Y. movement, where spirit and personality were treasured more than tight, proficient performances. “Callers” is the number that ultimately tore down my defenses, with a breezy attitude, high register singing, and indistinguishable lyrics; it made me realize that Cold Toads works on its own modest, undemanding level, even though much of it doesn’t boldly distinguish itself. Then I wondered if I would’ve enjoyed this more if someone had given me a blind listening test and then lied to me, saying that it was some D.I.Y. release from 1979 from some obscure band. Oh, the guilt. www.chattanoogapulse.com | July 29, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 30 | The Pulse

Music Calendar Thursday Spotlight

Holy Ghost Tent Revival Mash euphonium and banjo: result HGTR. $5 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com

Thursday Happy Hour Serenade with David Anthony 5 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. Jimmy Harris 7:30 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. Sons of God, Amity 7:30 p.m. The Warehouse, 5716 Ringgold Rd., East Ridge. www.myspace.com.warehousetn Natural Child, Dirty Lungs, Black Painter 8 p.m. Discoteca, 304 E. Main St. (423) 386-3066. Gringo Star, Indian Friend, The Coal Men 9 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia Two Penny Fish 9 p.m. Riverhouse Pub, 224 Frazier Ave. (423) 752-0066. Tim Lewis 9 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777. www.bartslakeshore.com Open Mic with Gabriel Newell 9 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 30 | July 29, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

Friday Spotlight

Holy Ghost Tent Revival with No. 9 Freight 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com Soul Sessions 10 p.m. Table 2, 232 E. 11th St. (423) 756-8253. Joy Buzzer 10:30 p.m. Riverhouse Pub, 224 Frazier Ave. (423) 752-0066.

Friday Happy Hour Serenade with David Anthony 5 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. MeloManiacs 6 p.m. Bluff View Art District, Terrazine between Tony’s and Back Inn Café, 411 E. 2nd St. (423) 265-5033. Ben Friberg Trio 6 p.m. Table 2, 232 E. 11th St. (423) 756-8253. Brando, Victory Lap Kids, White Flag Surrender, more 6:30 p.m. The Warehouse, 5716 Ringgold Rd., East Ridge. www.myspace.com.warehousetn Jimmy Harris 7:30 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Rock N’ Roll Spectacular 7:30 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo Centennial Theatre, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-5000. Matt Turnure Trio 7:30 p.m. Blue Orleans Creole Restaurant, 3208 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 629-6538. blueorleanscreolerestaurant.com

Plants & Animals 8 p.m. Miller Plaza, Nightfall Concert Series 850 Market St. The Molly Maguires, Alexander, 4 Reference Only 8 p.m. Ziggy’s Hideaway Lounge, 607 Cherokee Blvd. myspace.com/ziggyshideaway A.J. Valcarcel’s Bitter Lesson 9 p.m. Riverhouse Pub, 224 Frazier Ave. (423) 752-0066. Camp Normal 9 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919. www.myspace.com/jimstriker Downstream 9 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777. www.bartslakeshore.com Dance Party with Paul Smith and the Bourbon St. Band 9 p.m. Bourbon St. Music Bar, 2000 E. 23rd St. (423) 697-9957. Tim, Chad, and Terry (Silver Jews, Lambchop) with Ham1 9 p.m. Discoteca, 304 E. Main St. (423) 386-3066. Forrest Magic 9 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. Dead Levy 10 p.m. T-Bones, 1419 Chestnut St. (423) 266-4240. www.tboneschattanooga.com Moonlight Bride, Young Orchids 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. Butch Ross 10 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike. (423) 266-1996. www.tremonttavern.com Sky Hi with the Home Grown Band 10:15 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644.

Plants & Animals (opening act Ramble Horse) Nightfall scores again with three Canadians who sing shaggy symphonies. Free. 7 p.m. opening act, 8 p.m. headliner Nightfall, Miller Plaza. www.nightfallchattanooga.com

Saturday Kofi Mawuko, Tommy Cotter, Mike Hale, Elizabeth Miller 10 a.m. Lookout Mtn. Incline Railway, 3917 St. Elmo Ave. (423) 821-4224. New Binkley Brothers Noon. Rock City, 1400 Patten Rd. Lookout Mountain, GA. (706) 820-2531. MeloManiacs 6 p.m. Bluff View Art District, Terrazine between Tony’s and Back Inn Café, 411 E. 2nd St. (423) 265-5033. Jimmy Harris 7:30 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. Rock N’ Roll Spectacular 7:30 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo Centennial Theatre, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-5000. Matt Kinman and Jonathan Ferrell 8 p.m. Barking Legs, 1322 Dodds Avenue. (423) 624-5347. www.barkinglegs.org Doug Spears 8 p.m. Charles & Myrtle’s Coffeehouse, 105 McBrien Rd. (423) 892-4960.

Music Calendar

Send your calendar events to us at calendar@chattanoogapulse.com

Saturday Spotlight

Mat Kearney with Jane Carrey Mat tours in support of new album City of Black and White, opening act is Jim Carrey’s talented daughter. $20 9 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com Cattle Truck, Oso Bear, more 8 p.m. Ziggy’s Hideaway Lounge, 607 Cherokee Blvd. myspace.com/ziggyshideaway Ramble Horse 9 p.m. Discoteca, 304 E. Main St. (423) 386-3066. Critty Upchurch 9 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919. www.myspace.com/jimstriker Dance Party with Paul Smith and the Bourbon St. Band 9 p.m. Bourbon St. Music Bar, 2000 E. 23rd St. (423) 697-9957. Open Mic Night 9 p.m. Mudpie Restaurant, 12 Frazier Ave. (423) 267-9043. www.mudpierestuarant.com Cadillac Saints 10 p.m. T-Bones, 1419 Chestnut St. (423) 266-4240. www.tboneschattanooga.com Heypenny, Nim Nims, Machines Are People Too, Kyle Amdrews 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. Funktastic 5 10 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com

Sunday Spotlight

Mat Kearney in concert with Jane Carrey 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com

Sunday New Binkley Brothers Noon. Rock City, 1400 Patten Rd. Lookout Mountain, GA. (706) 820-2531. Open Mic w/Jeff Daniels 4 p.m. Ms. Debbie’s Nightlife Lounge 4762 Highway 58, (423) 485-0966. myspace.com/debbieslounge Pay the Reckoning, Traditional Irish Music Session 6:30 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike. (423) 266-1996. www.tremonttavern.com S.I.N. Night 7 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777. www.bartslakeshore.com Open Mic 8 p.m. Gene’s Bar & Grill, 724 Ashland Terrace, (423) 870-0880. www.myspace.com/genem14 Mark “Porkchop” Holder 9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn) Karaoke with DJ Stoll 9:30 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com

Monday Old Tyme Music 7 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com

Paul Lohorn and the Monday Nite Big Band 7 p.m. Lindsay Street Hall, 901 Lindsay Street. (423) 755-9111. Chattanooga Monday Nite Big Band 7:30 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055.

Tuesday Ben Friberg Trio 6:30 p.m. Table 2, 232 E. 11th St. (423) 756-8253. Gentlemens Jazz Quartet 8 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Lightning Billy Hopkins 8 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Karaoke with Paul Smith 8 p.m. Bourbon Street Music Bar, 2000 E. 23rd St. (423) 826-1985. Open Mic Night with Mike McDade 8 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike. (423) 266-1996. www.tremonttavern.com Spoken Word/Poetry Night 8 p.m. The Riverhouse, 224 Frazier Ave., (423) 752-0066. Blues Night: Tim Starnes, Husky Burnette, Jacob Newman 9 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777. www.bartslakeshore.com DJ ScubaSteve Fox and Hound Pub & Grille, 2040 Hamilton Place Blvd #150, (423) 490-1200

Jill King, Dustin Overbeek Some great songwriting and singing at the Market... and some great shopping. Free 12:30 p.m. Jill King, 2 p.m. Dustin Overbeek Chattanooga Market, First Tennessee Pavilion, 1826 Reggie White Blvd. www.chattanoogamarket.com

Wednesday Ben Friberg Trio 7 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Living Sacrifice, Aneirin, Unpsoken Triumph, Beyond Belief 8 p.m. The Warehouse, 5716 Ringgold Rd., East Ridge. www.myspace.com.warehousetn Jimmy Harris 7:30 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Johnny B. and Friends 8 p.m. Bourbon Street Music Bar, 2000 E. 23rd St. (423) 697-9957. Open Mic Night 9 p.m. Riverhouse Pub, 224 Frazier Ave. (423) 752-0066. Angie Aparo with Dave Dykes 9 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com Karaoke with American Idol’s Chase Guyton 9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn)

www.chattanoogapulse.com | July 29, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 30 | The Pulse

Arts & Entertainment

Do Sweat It

By Helene Houses

“The Squeamish discover that their cheeseballs are a dismal culinary disaster without Sister D’s magic touch.”

avid and Amy Sedaris are hip cultural icons. The reedy, ironic but irresistible tones of David Sedaris, telling stories and tale tales from his improbable life, and Amy Sedaris’s motivational speaker character on Comedy Central, have literally become part of “This American Life.” The Sedaris siblings often team up for projects, and their play, The Book of Liz, which premiered in 2001, is a classic example. Sister Elizabeth Donderstock, a member of a Squeamish religious

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 30 | July 29, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

community, is also the community’s master cheeseball maker. But in an overtly sexist coup, she is ousted from her position by a bumptious newcomer, Brother Brightbee, a refugee from a failed Squeamish outpost. The naturally aggrieved Sister Donderstock, refusing to be regulated to “chiving”, flees the Squeamish, only to encounter Ukrainian illegal immigrants living in a caravan, as well as the employees of a “Colonial-themed” restaurant, almost all of whom are recovering alcoholics. When the Squeamish discover that their cheeseballs are a dismal culinary disaster without Sister D’s magic touch, the theatrical wheels are set in motion. Frequent patrons of the Chattanooga Theatre Centre will note at least two ironic touches in this particular Book of Liz, now on the Circle Stage through August 7. “Squeamish speech” bears a remarkable resemblance to that of characters in The Crucible, which recently closed on the Main Stage, and the set of “Liz” is openly cribbed from the same production, as noted in the program. (The New York Times’s Ben Brantley was the first to point out the “Liz/Crucible” language synchronicity.) LeBron Hughes directs a lively cast, all, except for Stefanie Oppenheimer as Sister Donderstock, playing multiple roles. He keeps them hopping and the intermissionless piece is well paced and visually interesting. However, the tone of a Sedaris opus is a tricky proposition, somewhere between classic farce and wildly over the top. The two actors who succeed most closely in achieving this are Becki Jordan, as Sister Butterworth, Dr. Ginley, and a Cheeseball Fan, and, fortunately for the production, Oppenheimer.

Jordan’s sincerely judgmental and completely idiotic remarks as Sister Butterworth, and her recovering alcoholic Dr. Ginley (who has the play’s funniest line) are perfectly pitched to this style. Oppenheimer perspires sweetness as the done-wrong-by Donderstock, but she also believably conveys the newfound strength of character the sister finds in her adventures outside her confined community. Other cast members include Steven Berryman as Rev. Tollhouse and Duncan Trask, Derik Zoashkiyani as Brother Brightbee and Yvone Kolobkov, Amber Hall as Oxana Kolobkov, Cecily Cole and Ms. Foxley, and Ryne Williams as Visil Kolobkov, Donny Polk, Rudy Bruton and Brother Hesikiah. (It’s worth noting that the opening night audience was perhaps not as familiar with 12step lingo as might be deemed necessary for maximum comic impact.) Other production strengths include Paul Hughes’ wonderful sound design, and Susan Brandenburg’s costumes, including the sisters’ “danderfrocks”, in which Sister Donderstock fits in so well at the Pilgrim’s Crock. Sedaris fans will definitely not want to miss this excursion to Clusterhaven and beyond— don’t worry, it’s not giving anything away to say the cheeseballs are rescued and restored to their former glory by play’s end.

The Book of Liz $15 8 p.m. Fridays and Saturdays through August 7 Chattanooga Theatre Centre, Circle Stage, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.com

A&E Calendar Highlights Friday

Thursday

The Belle of Amherst Dramatized life of the American poetic icon. $12.50 7:30 p.m. Trinity Presbyterian Church, 104 McBrien Ave. (423) 304-7156. www.hamiltoncountytheatre.com

Send your calendar events to us at calendar@chattanoogapulse.com

Chattanooga Market Thursday Plaza Party 4 p.m. Miller Plaza, 850 Market St. www.chattanoogamarket.com All-American Days 6 p.m. Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944. www.huntermuseum.org Pat Dixon 8 p.m. The Comedy Catch & Giggles Grille, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com Chattanooga Professional Photography Group Exhibit North River Civic Center, 1009 Executive Dr. Ste. 102. (423) 870-8924. “Fresh Coastal Scenes” Shuptrine Fine Art Group, 2646 Broad St. (423) 266-4453. www.shuptrinefineartgroup.com Smith-Cleary Photography and Printmaking Exum Gallery, 305 W. 7th St. (423) 593-4265. “The Myth of Mary Gregory” Houston Museum of Decorative Arts, 201 High St. (423) 267-7176. www.thehoustonmuseum.com

The Book of Liz Sedaris family fans should not miss this play, a collaboration between siblings Amy and David. $15 8 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, Circle Stage, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.com

Saturday

As You Like It Chatt State production sets the Bard’s comedy in the Psychedelic Sixties. $10 7:30 p.m. Humanities Theater, Chattanooga State, 4501 Amnicola Highway (423) 697-3257.

Hubble in 3D 11 a.m., 1, 3, 5, 7 p.m. IMAX Theater at the Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (800) 265-0695. www.tnaqua.org Booksigning: The Mandolin Case by Dr. Tom Bibey 1:30 p.m. Smokin’ Ed’s BBQ, 5231 Wilbanks Dr. (423) 843-5223. www.chattanoogafolk.org Last Fridays on Main 5 p.m. Southside Historic District, Main St. lastfridaysonmain.blogspot.com Pat Dixon 7:30, 10 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com As You Like It 7:30 p.m. Humanities Theatre at Chattanooga State, 4501 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 697-3257 Camelot 7:30 p.m. The Colonnade Center, 264 Catoosa Crl., Ringgold, GA. (706) 935-9000. www.colonnadecenter.org The Belle of Amherst 7:30 p.m. Trinity Presbyterian Church, 104 McBrien Rd.

(423) 304-7156. hamiltoncommunitytheatre.com Avatar in 3D 8 p.m. IMAX Theater at the Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (800) 265-0695. www.tnaqua.org Mystery of Flight 138 8:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. www.funnydinner.com Female Impersonation Show Midnight. Images Showbar, 6065 Lee Hwy. (423) 855-8210. www.imagesbar.com Terri Zitrick Denny Art My Color Image Boutique and Gallery, 330 Frazier Ave. (423) 598-6202. “Sensation” River Gallery, 400 E. 2nd St. (423) 265-5033. www.river-gallery.com “Southern Journeys” Chattanooga African American Museum, 200 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-8658. Cherokee Stone Carvings Bill Shores Frame and Gallery, 307 Manufacturers Rd. (423) 756-6746. www.billshoresframes.com

Sunday Chattanooga River Market 10 a.m. Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (800) 265-0695. Brainerd Farmers’ Market 10 a.m. Parking lot, Grace Episcopal Church, 20 Belvoir Ave. The Gallery Bridal Open House 11 a.m. The Gallery, 3918 Dayton Blvd. (423) 870-2443. www.redbankgallery.com Mosaic Market 11 a.m. 412 Market St. (corner of 4th/Market). (423) 624-3915 Art Til Dark Noon. Northshore. (423) 413-8999. www.arttildark.wordpress.com Camelot 1 p.m. The Colonnade Center, 264 Catoosa Circle, Ringgold, GA. (706) 935-9000. www.colonnadecenter.org This is Not a Pipe Dream 2 p.m. Creative Discovery Museum, 321 Chestnut St. (423) 756-2738. www.cdfun.org SDHS Pearl Harbor Project Auction and Comedy Night 5:45 p.m. Soddy Daisy High School, 618 Sequoyah Access Rd. Soddy Daisy. (423) 332-8837.

Pat Dixon 7, 9 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com Camelot 7:30 p.m. The Colonnade Center, 264 Catoosa Circle, Ringgold, GA. (706) 935-9000. www.colonnadecenter.org The Belle of Amherst 7:30 p.m. Trinity Presbyterian Church, 104 McBrien Rd. (423) 304-7156. hamiltoncommunitytheatre.com The Book of Liz 8 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.com Avatar in 3D 8 p.m. IMAX Theater at the Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (800) 265-0695. www.tnaqua.org Movies In The Park 9 p.m. Coolidge Park, 150 River St. (423) 265-0771. www.firstthings.org Female Impersonation Show Midnight. Images Showbar, 6065 Lee Hwy. (423) 855-8210. www.imagesbar.com

Free First Sunday at the Hunter Keep cool, get art. Free Noon - 5 p.m. Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View (423) 267-0968. www.huntermuseum.org

Chattanooga Market 11 a.m. First Tennessee Pavilion, 1826 Carter St. (423) 266-4041. www.chattanoogamarket.com As You Like It 2:30 p.m. Humanities Theatre at Chattanooga State, 4501 Amnicola Hwy. (423)697-3257. Pat Dixon 8 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. “Keeping It Alive” Asher Love Studio and Gallery, 3914 St. Elmo Ave., Ste. G. (423) 822-0289. asherlovegallery.blogspot.com “Skins and Skeletons” AVA Gallery, 30 Frazier Ave. (423) 265-1282. www.avarts.org “Spring Into Art” In-Town Gallery, 26A Frazier Ave. (423)267-9214. “Summer Salon 2010” Hanover Gallery, 111 Frazier Ave. (423) 648-0533. Chattanooga Professional Photography Group Exhibit North River Civic Center, 1009 Executive Dr. Ste. 102. (423) 870-8924.

www.chattanoogapulse.com | July 29, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 30 | The Pulse

A&E Calendar Highlights Monday Chattanooga Lookouts vs. West TN Diamond Jaxx 7:15 p.m. AT&T Field, 201 Power Alley. (423) 267-2208. www.lookouts.com Speak Easy: Spoken Word and Poetry 8 p.m. Mudpie Restaurant, 12 Frazier Ave. (423) 267-9040. www.mudpierestaurant.com Live Cabaret Show with James Breedwell 9, 11 p.m. Bourbon St. Music Bar, 2000 E. 23rd. St. (423) 697-9957. “Fresh Coastal Scenes” Shuptrine Fine Art Group, 2646 Broad St. (423) 266-4453. www.shuptrinefineartgroup.com “The Myth of Mary Gregory” Houston Museum of Decorative Arts, 201 High St. (423) 267-7176. “Jellies: Living Art” Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944. “Southern Journeys” Chattanooga African American Museum, 200 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-8658.

Tuesday Main Street Farmers Market 4 p.m. Main St. at Williams St. www.mainstfarmersmarket.com Chattanooga’s Got Talent 7:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. www.funnydinner.com Chattanooga Lookouts vs. West TN Diamond Jaxx 7:15 p.m. AT&T Field, 201 Power Alley. (423) 267-2208. www.lookouts.com Live Cabaret Show with James Breedwell 9, 11 p.m. Bourbon St. Music Bar, 2000 E. 23rd. St. (423) 697-9957. Stephen Rolfe Powell Glass Exhibition Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944. www.huntermuseum.org “Keeping It Alive” Asher Love Studio and Gallery, 3914 St. Elmo Ave., Ste. G. (423) 822-0289. “Skins and Skeletons” AVA Gallery, 30 Frazier Ave. (423) 265-1282. www.avarts.org

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 30 | July 29, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

Wednesday Chattanooga Lookouts vs. West TN Diamond Jaxx 7:15 p.m. AT&T Field, 201 Power Alley. (423) 267-2208. Saving 2nd Base 8 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com “Spring Into Art” In-Town Gallery, 26A Frazier Ave. (423)267-9214. www.intowngallery. com “Transformation 6: Contemporary Works in Glass” Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944. Hubble in 3D IMAX Theater at the Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (800) 265-0695. “Summer Salon 2010” Hanover Gallery, 111 Frazier Ave. (423) 648-0533. Chattanooga Professional Photography Group Exhibit North River Civic Center, 1009 Executive Dr. Ste. 102. (423) 870-8924.

Editor’s Pick: Featured Event Of The Week

Bluegrass, BBQ and Booksigning Listen (and play some) to bluegrass, have some tasty BBQ, and pick up Dr. Tom Biby’s The Mandolin Case on a porch in Hixson. Music and booksigning free 1:30 – 3:30 p.m. Friday, July 30 Smokin’ Ed’s BBQ, 5231 Wilbanks Dr., Hixson (423) 843-5223. www.chattafolk.org

www.chattanoogapulse.com | July 29, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 30 | The Pulse

Life in the Noog

By Chuck Crowder

And The Winner Is… J

“Despite popular belief, awards don’t mean much (unless they come with a big check). Who needs someone telling them that what they’re doing is ‘the best’?” Chuck Crowder is a local writer and general man about town. His opinions are just that. Everything expressed is loosely based on fact, and crap he hears people talking about. Take what you just read with a grain of salt, but pepper it in your thoughts. And be sure to check out his popular website thenoog.com

ust the other day I received a handsome certificate (suitable for framing) for completing some stupid online course as part of my day job. Upon receipt I immediately deposited it on my cubicle’s what-not shelf along with the other such tokens of “achievement” and “praise” awarded to me in years past. And no, I didn’t bother framing it. There’s not much difference between the major award I just received and a trophy which might have been bestowed upon me back in Little League. Back then, the coaches figured out quickly that in order to make the kids—and parents—happy, they needed to give trophies to every player. They might go as far as to give larger trophies to the hotshots who were actually the only ones deserving of recognition in the first place, but even benchwarmers like myself ended up with something to put on their shelves (along with a squeaky clean cap and glove). The irony of my current windfall was that as I was being presented with this Certificate of Completion, I was right in the middle of preparing 47 Certificates of Achievement for participants recognized as part of yet another company program. Who knows how well these fine parchments of perfection will be received, but for those who didn’t earn one (or get to attend the accompanying luncheon on the river boat) the moment might be one of disappointment and perhaps failure. Such is life. Despite popular belief, awards don’t mean much (unless they come with a big check).

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 30 | July 29, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

Who needs someone telling them that what they’re doing is “the best”? The Grammys are the worst. In fact, over time they’ve become an industry punchline. When I consider the most critically-acclaimed and influential artists of all time, few have very many (if any) Grammys on their shelves. Just look at the recipients of the dreaded “Best New Artist” Grammy. It’s been the kiss of death for all kinds of up-and-comers like The Starland Vocal Band, Christopher Cross, Men at Work, Culture Club, Hootie & the Blowfish as well as the only “artist” ever to be stripped of the golden phonograph—Milli Vanilli. But then again, the Beatles won it too, so I’m sure the selection process hasn’t always been so palm greasing. The Oscars and Tonys have maintained stellar reputations for selecting the most deserving recipients from fields that, at many times over the years, have been hard to choose from due to the weight of talent nominated. There are those “sympathy Oscars” that, in the event of a possible tie, go to the person who’s been nominated the most without ever winning, or is steps away from their deathbed. If an aging “legend” needs one last trophy to sum things up, the judges can always conjure up their own “kiss of death” —the lifetime achievement award. That distinction is normally reserved for those who haven’t produced a single watchable performance since their heyday and probably won’t ever again. Lifetime over! It’s kind of like when a publisher approaches someone about doing an autobiography. Personally I would be offended, because what they’re really saying is, “Whatever it was you just did or have done up to this point are the only relevant life experiences that we can

foresee you having from now on.” Take the wildly popular Sarah Palin biography. What if she actually goes on to make something of herself? Then what? A sequel? “We rejoin our story at the point when Palin helps lose the presidential election, resigns her position as governor, tends to her troubled family and shoots a moose from a helicopter. And now, the tale continues…” Maybe that’s why Stephen Tyler refuses to give in to an autobiography. He knows this kiss of death not only means he’s finished from doing anything new and exciting, but now everyone will discover the grimy details of his dirty laundry. Might mean more child support, Step 9’s or even back taxes. But then again, he’s so loaded he can bankroll as many life experiences as he wants from here on out. That’s what some people do in order to create a semblance of achievement in their lives. Buy stuff. But not just any stuff—the “trophy version” of stuff. Corvettes, Escalades, Beamers, McMansions, Rolexes, cabin cruisers, Tommy Bahama shirts, club memberships, time shares, and worst of all—Harleys. Some even marry their trophies. Old men marrying girls young enough to be their daughters with fake boobs, bleached blond hair, short skirts and even shorter attention spans. Likewise, dim-witted muscle heads “escort” wrinkly old women with Chanel perfume and moth-balled sequined flapper dresses. When you boil it all down, there’s really no need for self-worth confirmation or any kind of formal recognition. If you like who you are and what you’re doing, then you’re already a winner.

www.chattanoogapulse.com | July 29, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 30 | The Pulse

Film Feature

By John DeVore

Return to Klickitat Street I

f you are like me, you grew up reading stories by Beverly Cleary about the children living on Klickitat Street. Perhaps, if you are like me, you remember the “Ramona” television show on PBS. So popular was this show in my family, that my father rushed us home after church one Sunday—only to get a speeding ticket that caused us to miss that night’s episode. I reacted much the same way I imagine our plucky heroine would: I asked why my father didn’t just explain the dire situation with which we were faced. Surely the officer, whose job it was to serve and protect the good citizens of Roane County, would understand that while my parents had personal religious convictions that brought us to worship once on Wednesdays and twice on Sundays, we children had our own episodic rituals that were equally important and, without the Quimbys, how could our week successfully start? Must he detain us while the imaginative, spelling-challenged Ramona beckoned us over the majestic analog waves of the Public Broadcasting Network? Life is sometimes confusing and hard for a 9 year old. The big-screen adaptation of Beverly Cleary’s most famous character takes this theme and develops a sometimes overly sweet, but effective, family comedy.

King, I don’t know that Ramona and Beezus would be the entertaining comedy that it is. She is the embodiment of Ramona. Beezus, played by the equally capable Selena Gomez, isn’t quite the 15 year old I remembered from the books. This might be because the teenager I remember cannot exist in the same world as Lady Gaga and Ke$ha. Our girls seem to leap from the monkey bars to the runway without bothering to experience the middle times. This is why Beezus doesn’t seem as authentic as I remember, and why parts of the film just don’t fit in with the experience of now. This is meant as less of a criticism and more of a wistful comment on remembering a simpler time. This film is simple. The adults here are competent, not the neurotic “pals” common in most children’s comedies. The children are children; they speak like children, they act like children, and they look like children. We don’t have kids teaching parents lessons; instead, we have parents guiding their kids towards adulthood. This is so often missing in family comedies. Many filmmakers will pander to their audience for laughs, making the adults act like children and children act like adults. Kids enjoy this and parents tolerate it. It is refreshing to see the balance restored and the formula shelved. Of course, it isn’t a perfect movie. It runs

“Without Ms. King, I don’t know that Ramona and Beezus would be the entertaining comedy that it is. She is the embodiment of Ramona.” Ramona is a child who tries. She earnestly wants to help, to be liked, to be normal. Unfortunately, she, like most kids her age, is a little careless and unruly. It isn’t that she’s bad, just unlucky. Ramona is overwhelmingly likable. She’s creative, smart, funny, and a slave to her overactive imagination. She’s the kind of little girl we all picture, the kind we see every time we think about pigtails bopping past our windows during the endless summers of childhood nostalgia. She is played with fervor by the talented, precocious Joey King; without Ms.

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 30 | July 29, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

a little long, mostly due to the fact that the filmmakers felt it necessary to include as many incidents from the series of novels as they could. There are references upon references upon references. As entertaining as it is to play, “Hey! I remember that!” with certain scenes, it breaks up the narrative and makes the execution of the film a little choppy. Those of us who remember the books don’t need to be reminded of the origins of Beezus’s nickname; sometimes exposition isn’t as important as flow. I saw this film with my wife and stepdaughter, who is about Ramona’s age. I think it worked so well because it managed to capture the mannerisms and thought processes of the 9 year old. There is a delightful scene with Ramona and Howie spending an afternoon leaping from inside the house to the outside through a hole created by some contractors. I loved the sheer joy of play we see on the faces of the kids as they pretend. There is a new change in their environment that they can’t help but explore. That same change proves to be a source of fear for Ramona later on, when the sun has set and noises echo through the house. Isn’t that childhood in a nutshell? Change is both exhilarating and scary; sometimes, the best thing to do is put on your red rubber boots and jump.

Ramona and Beezus Directed by Elizabeth Allen Starring Joey King, Selena Gomez, John Corbett, Bridget Moynahan Rated G Running time: 1 hour, 44 minutes

JONESIN’

“That Won't Cut It” –gotta be sharp for this one.

Free Will Astrology LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Can you force things to grow? Is it possible to induce ripening simply by aggressively exerting your willpower? Normally I’d say no, but these days I think it’s within your capacity. Don’t misunderstand. I’m not saying you could go up to a tomato plant and magically transform mid-size green tomatoes into big orange beauties. But from a metaphorical perspective, you could accomplish something like that. What fragile bud would benefit from bursts of your vitality? What sweet young thing might thrive with your invigorating help? VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): In James Hillman’s book The Dream and the Underworld, he says something I’ve heard from other researchers—that the majority of dreams we have each night are unpleasant. But that’s not true for me. Way more than 50 percent of mine are educational, entertaining, and not at all bad or scary. Quite a few have jokes and riddles. Most stretch my understanding of how the world works and motivate me to get smarter about what I’ve been ignorant about. As you enter the Intense Dreaming Phase of your cycle, Virgo, I suspect your nocturnal adventures will resemble mine. Get ready to encounter intriguing characters who’ll have the power to heal you. Talking animals may give you righteous clues about upcoming waking-life decisions. A mercurial teacher could relieve you of a delusion. The wind and rain may play music that dissolves your fear. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): During the Tang Dynasty, a golden age of Chinese culture, educated people didn’t use clichéd salutations to begin and end their encounters with each other. No “Hi, how you doing?” or “See you later. Take care.” Instead, they improvised creatively, composing poetic riffs appropriate for the occasion. “Your face is especially bright today. Are you expecting to see a lucky cloud?” or “I’ll bask in your glories again later. In the meantime, may you find a brisk blend of elegance and mischief.” I’d love to see you do something like that, Libra. It’s prime time to boost your alliances to a higher octave. Give more to your collaborators, and ask for more, too.

Across 1 “Serpico” author Peter 5 San Francisco water 8 Later, on a clock 13 Tubular pasta 14 It may be more than enough 15 Swashbuckler who left his mark 16 How things are often trampled 18 Ankarans, for example 19 They’re not very useful for cutting steak 21 That thing, in Spanish 22 Some Greek consonants 23 It happened back in cold-en days 27 ___ Friday’s 28 ___ thai 30 Thousand, slangily 31 They’re not that good for cutting cloth 36 Facing the pitcher 37 Cracklin’ ___ Bran 38 Gag reflex spot 39 They won’t cut

through your opponent, like in the movie 42 Restricted hosp. areas 43 ___ 4 update (recent Apple release) 44 Amtrak stop: abbr. 45 “This Is ___” (1934 hymn) 48 “Want ___ Be” (2005 song by Ginuwine) 49 Sharon Jones & The ___-Kings 52 They’re good for their own job, but lousy for cutting thicker stuff 56 Doll line that features Yasmin, Cloe and Jade 59 Destitute 60 “Vive ___!” (“Long live the king!”) 61 “...can ___ long way” 62 It’s seen near the 6 63 Packs (down) 64 Pitiable fool 65 Super Mario World console Down 1 They may be pulled down

2 “...___ the republic for which it stands” 3 Work without ___ (take risks) 4 Ecosystem with world’s largest land migration 5 Gives a card to, in soccer 6 Bartlett’s attrib. 7 The Abominable Snowman 8 Quetzalcoatl worshiper 9 Grouchy TV doctor 10 Make a mistake 11 Boat with bears 12 Advisable tactics 13 Stray hair found at crime scenes, perhaps 17 A couple of dates, say 20 Veni-vici link 24 Love, in Lille 25 When tripled, a Motley Crue hit 26 Fashion journalist Klensch 27 Non-stick cookware company 28 Tests for high school

jrs. 29 Play divisions 31 Tale 32 Bottomless pit 33 Pirate’s cry 34 Bulleted points, perhaps 35 Cinematographer Nykvist 36 It’s just a little bit 40 Best Picture winner with Maurice Chevalier 41 Sean of “Lord of the Rings” 46 In the lead 47 “Surf ___ Must Die” (1987 comedy) 48 Bones near the elbow 49 Tractor man John 50 Backsides, in Birmingham 51 “Hey, over here!” 53 Juli Inkster’s org. 54 Visionaries, they hope 55 Get ready (for) 56 Simple lunch 57 Stephen of “The Crying Game” 58 Shot site

Crossword created By Matt Jones. © 2010 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle #0478.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): I admire people who sweat freely and abundantly while they’re working hard at what they love to do. Singer James Brown, “The Godfather of Soul,” was renowned for his sweltering floods, and so is baseball player Pablo Sandoval. But many unfamous people I’ve known would also be top candidates for King and Queen of Sacred Sweat, like my friend Julia, who practices her passion in the garden, and my friend Luke, who welds giant metal sculptures. I’m hoping you will come into your own as one of this elite group, Scorpio. The omens suggest you’d be wise to raise the heat in your alchemical furnace. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): The wind coming off the creek has picked up in the last half hour, and so the branches of the lemon tree outside my office window are swaying vehemently in the late afternoon sun. Is the tree upset? No. Is it worried or offended or angry at the wind? Of course not. From what I can tell, it’s enjoying the raucous movement. I can even imagine that it knows how lucky it is: It wouldn’t be able to dance so expressively without the help of the gusts. I hope you’ll interpret your experiences in the coming week with a similar perspective, Sagittarius. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): While flying over water, an eagle can spot a fish swimming from 300 feet away. As it prowls through a winter landscape, a coyote can detect the presence of a mouse bustling beneath thick snow. I suspect you’ll have a comparable knack for tuning in to things that are of keen interest, Capricorn, even if they are hidden or located at a distance. To maximize your advantage, get clear about what you’re hungry for. Build a vivid image in your mind’s eye of what you need. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Lola, a woman I know,

By Rob Brezsny Truthrooster@gmail.com has mastered the art of self-contradiction. She makes no apologies for the apparent oppositions she gladly contains. For instance, she’s perfectly at ease with the fact that she is not only a lesbian anarchist skater punk who’s a prolific graffiti artist, but also a devout Christian who doesn’t consume drugs or alcohol, drives a Lexus SUV, and volunteers as a massage therapist at a hospice. Your internal paradoxes may or may not be as extreme as hers, Aquarius, but I urge you to express them with the panache that she does. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): My friend Erica went to a Chinese herbalist, seeking help for a skin problem that hadn’t been healed by six other doctors. “Very rare condition,” the herbalist told her. There was only one thing he knew that would work: Erica would have to travel to the Ruoergai Marshes in Sichuan Province, China and track down a White-tailed Eagle, whose fresh droppings she would gather up and apply to the affected areas of her skin. As the prospect of such a pilgrimage was daunting, Erica decided instead to simply imagine herself carrying it out. After a week of such meditations, her skin had improved. In 21 days, she wasn’t completely cured, but she was much better. The moral of the story, Pisces: Simply visualizing a heroic healing quest may help fix your glitch. ARIES (March 21-April 19): Success coach Tom Ferry says our ability to pursue our dreams can be damaged by four addictions: 1. an addiction to what other people think of us; 2. an addiction to creating melodrama in a misguided quest for excitement; 3. an addiction to believing we’re imprisoned by what happened in the past; 4. an addiction to negative thoughts that fill us with anxiety. The good news, Aries, is that in the coming weeks you will find it easier than usual to free yourself from addictions 1, 3, and 4. On the other hand, you may be extra susceptible to addiction 2. So take action to make sure you don’t fall victim to it! What can you do to avoid distracting adventures and trivial brouhahas? TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Some of the biggest whales feed primarily on tiny organisms like protozoa, algae, and krill. They swim around with their mouths open, gulping seawater, using filtering structures in their upper jaws to sieve out the stuff they want to eat. Their strategy for getting a meal has resemblances to an approach you may benefit from using: sifting through a lot of superfluous material to get the rich basics you seek. Discernment isn’t the only skill you’ll need; relaxed patience will be crucial, too. GEMINI (May 21-June 20): You know about World War II, but do you know about the planet’s worst conflict since then? It was the Second Congo War, involving eight African nations and killing 5.4 million people between 1998 and 2006. You’re painfully aware of the oil hemorrhage in the Gulf of Mexico, but have you heard about the equally horrific catastrophe that an American oil company wreaked on Ecuador from the early 1960s until 1992 (tinyurl.com/EcuadorOil)? I bring these things up, Gemini, because now is an excellent time for you to fill in gaps in your education and learn the rest of any story that you’ve been missing—not just concerning events in the world but also in regards to your personal history. P.S. Much of what you find, unlike the Congo War and the Ecuadorian oil disaster, may be good news. CANCER (June 21-July 22): A psychic in Colorado was arrested for bilking her clients. Nancy Marks allegedly told people that their money was possessed by nasty spirits, and that the best solution was to hand the money over to her. The cops claim she collected 290,000 of the evil dollars before she was nabbed. My message to you, Cancerian, is very different from the psychic’s warning: Your bank account has a divine blessing on it. At least temporarily, this makes you a kind of cash magnet; you have an unusual power to attract legal tender. Take advantage! Say this sacred mantra: “O monnee gimmee summ.”

www.chattanoogapulse.com | July 29, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 30 | The Pulse

On The Beat

By Alex Teach

Just Business From my vantage point, the

“Before long, we both stood half erect, placing our palms on bent knees, gasping heavily, a silent and mutual time-out granted, however briefly.”

When Officer Alexander D. Teach is not patrolling our fair city on the heels of the criminal element, he is an occasional student, carpenter, boating enthusiast, and spends his spare time volunteering for the Boehm Birth Defects Center. To contact him directtly, follow him on Facebook at www.facebook.com/alex.teach

world was beautiful. I was still on my back and had raised my head just high enough for the condensation and sweat to roll down my forehead and cheeks, and ignoring the mild stinging in my eyes, I took in the sight before me as I should have: in awe. The mist was refracting light across the spectrum cast by the high-powered streetlamps that made even a mall parking lot look heavenly, or at least other-worldly. Magenta, red and orange mists gave way to yellow and green hues, which blended seamlessly into shades of turquoise and brilliant blues, which in turn yielded to violet and finally blackness across the lot. I could feel the heaviness of my wet hair pulling my head back slightly and began to ponder the makeup of the lights (highpressure sodiums, had to be...maybe those “White” SONs?) when a sloppy punch to my left cheek resumed the fight and I surprised my opponent with a jab to the center of his throat, having calculated its likely whereabouts with my eyes closed from his strike. He’d ended up straddling me as we rolled down a neatly manicured embankment somewhere between Gunbarrel and Jarnigan Roads in East Brainerd, and while I certainly did not encourage this kind of behavior, I wasn’t particularly alarmed by it and the view, quite simply, was amazing.

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 30 | July 29, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

I quickly focused again on the situation at hand and pressed my advantage, a look of wild confusion on my opponent’s face as he held both hands to his throat in an otherwise universal “choking sign” as he struggled to breathe. I sat up and with open palms forced his shoulders to my left to roll him off me, and to my surprise we once again wound up rolling down an embankment. I wasn’t in Hell as I was beginning to suspect...but rather a large stormwater runoff basin commonly found (and commonly ignored) around large retail areas such as this. Realizing such, however, didn’t make hitting the bottom of the large concrete culvert any easier, as even my newfound friend would have agreed. Unlike the last impact, we were now both several feet apart and quite dazed; instead of a gentle grade of 45 degrees to the bottom, there was a four-foot trench at the center of this pit we tumbled off the edge of, and if losing your breath (and what felt like a rib against a rock) wasn’t enough, the green algae on the bottom of the still-wet culvert gave the floor the viscosity of one of the better synthetic motor oils on the market today. In contrast to the lightshow above, the darkness here was the equivalent of a bedroom lit by the dull green of an electric clock. I rolled over onto my palms and got up, slowly, one dripping leg at a time, as did my client. Before long, we both stood half erect, placing our palms on bent knees, gasping heavily, a silent and mutual

time-out granted, however briefly. As the breathing eased, we made eye contact again, nodded, and he began lumbering away from me. I gave chase, both of us slapping flat feet against the water and painting concrete walls in dark wet stains that neither of us could see. My shift was only half over. An invisible shopping cart lying on its side in his path sent him flying, and only the sound of this occurrence in advance prevented me from doing the same. I made out his now-prone outline sufficiently to leap forward and land on his back, where I pulled myself up to straddle him in the shallow running water. I leaned forward and said, “Enough?” between heavy breaths, and he said a very clear (yet slightly bubbly) “Yes.” I cuffed him, and slowly helped him up out of the ditch and towards my car. Several of my brothers (and sisters) had shown up by this point, but I had been understandably difficult to find. Upon seeing my uniform (and his), they were fairly glad of this…but only because I was OK. My client and I hadn’t spoken still, and I liked keeping things this way…one business professional to another. “Steak & Shake sound good to you?” I asked him (I was starving), and for the second time he said, “Yes.” And that’s how a very puzzled clerk came to find a very wet and very muddy cop and criminal in her drive-through, the cop ordering for the other, just two professionals having a tax-deductible lunch. After all… It’s only Business.

www.chattanoogapulse.com | July 29, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 30 | The Pulse

Spirits Within

By Joshua Hurley

The Bitters Truth

Finally a Chattanooga wine and spirit wholesaler that has seen fit to reintroduce bitters into this area’s market. Once upon a time, no mixed drink was complete without a dash of bitters, which adds flavor and depth to a wide variety of mixed beverages. So it’s with great excitement and anticipation that Riley’s offers up “The Bitter Truth” as this week’s Great Buy. If you’re new to my column, Great Buys is where Riley’s Wine and Spirits on Hixson Pike in Hixson picks something special from the area’s largest selection of wine and spirits and then shares it with the readership of The Pulse. What are bitters anyway? Well, they’re alcoholic beverages made with a variety of essences, and, true to their name, contain a bittersweet flavor. Bitters are made with absolutely no sugar or sweeteners. In Europe, specific union laws specify that to be called “bitters”, no sugar can be used in their manufacture. Bitters get their bittersweet flavor from the bitter herb gentian. Bitters were first made by a Venezuelan physician named Dr. Johann Gottlieb Benjamin Siegert in 1824. He concocted the beverage to cure seasickness and other stomach ailments. Sometime later, bitters were exported to England and began to be used as a mixer for cocktails. Today, bitters contain an alcohol content of 45 percent or less. “The Bitter Truth” bitters are imported by Domaine Select Wine Estates out of New York from Pullach, Germany; a city near Munich. The Bitter Truth formed in 2006

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 30 | July 29, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

and produces 300,000 bottles of bitters annually. At Riley’s Wine and Spirits, you’ll find five varieties to choose from. Orange (39 percent A/C): Orange bitters are made just like the classic bitters of Victorian England of 1870. A combination of orange peel, several herbs and spices are marinated in ale, meaning Orange contains strong aromas of orange peel up front followed by a bitter taste in the middle of the palate with an aftertaste of nutmeg. (Try with screwdrivers, martinis, margaritas and gin and juice.) Lemon (39 percent A/C): This flavor is a first-ever for bitters, but the possibilities are endless, perfect for any mixed drink using white spirits. Lemon contains a sweet, intense, lemony flavor followed by a bittersweet aftertaste. Celery (44 percent A/C): This is the first time a celery-flavored bitter has been on the market since the 19th century (perfect for Bloody Marys and vodka or gin and tonics). Celery Bitters contains flavors or celery and lemon with an aftertaste of orange ginger. Grapefruit (44 percent A/C): Another flavor that perfectly suits clear spirits. Try Grapefruit with margaritas, a shot of tequila or rum daiquiris. Chocolate Mole (44 percent A/C): Wow! Now, this one really rocks. This bitter contains flavors of chocolate with a bitter middle palate followed by a spicy aftertaste. It goes well with coffee, dark spirits such as rum, bourbon or ice cream-based cocktails. Riley’s Wine & Spirits carries all five Bitter Truths for $16.99 plus tax.

The Pulse • Dining Out Spotlight

Sluggo's: Va-Va-Voom Vegetarian! by D.E. Langley Until last year, musicians Terry Johnson and Ashley Krey frequently visited Chattanooga with their bands, Johnson’s This Bike is a Pipe Bomb and Krey’s Future Virgins, from their base of Pensacola, Florida. Although they loved playing here, their dietary restrictions sometimes left them a bit hungry after shows. It seems there weren’t a lot of wholesome vegan options for the late-night crowd. Lucky for us, Johnson and Krey have been the co-owners of Sluggo’s Vegetarian Restaurant in Pensacola for six years now, and had a good idea of what they were looking for. When the location at 501 Cherokee Blvd. became available, they decided to make sure they could find that hearty vegan meal, and opened Sluggo’s North this past November. Although Chattanooga already had some great choices available for vegetarians and vegans, availability varied greatly according to what time of day one was searching. “I think people were ready for a vegan cafe that stayed open,” says Johnson. And Sluggo’s North certainly does that: The full menu is served (and available to go) from 11 a.m. until 11 p.m. Tuesday through Thursday, and 1 a.m. Friday and Saturday. (Sluggo’s is closed Sundays and Mondays.) Before my visit, I was a bit skeptical to say the least, but I had some measure of hope. Though I am an unabashed meateater, I have had some very tasty vegan meals in the past—on the West Coast. My experiences eating alongside my vegan pals in Tennessee, though, had often left me still wanting, and even stopping off for a burger somewhere after I had bid them adieu. This was not to be the case at Sluggo’s. After being unable to narrow down the options on the menu, I consulted with the server, seeking her recommendation, and ended up choosing The Culture Club (adding “soy cheez”) and a side of the savory collards. After perusing the beer selection (primarily consisting of microbrews), I

settled on one and sipped as I looked around. It’s a great spot for conversation among friends. The space is open and inviting, with some local art scattered here and there. This reminded me of something Johnson had told me earlier: “We want to be a community space, not just a cafe.” That feeling is fostered by the occasional live band that plays the venue. Once my food arrived, I braced myself. As I mentioned earlier, my experiences with vegan cuisine in Tennessee had heretofore been unrewarding. I took a bite of my

sandwich, and my eyes widened. “Wow,” I thought. A second and third bite quickly followed, chased with a forkful of the collards. This wasn’t good vegan food—this was good food, PERIOD. The sandwich, served triple-decker style on toasted bread, was moist, savory, and absolutely delicious. I immediately stopped thinking of the soy bacon, tofurkey, and seitan as meat substitutes. They were delicious on their own merits. The fresh collards, cooked with carrots and served with crisp raw red onion on top, were spicy and perfectly done. As it turns out, there was a reason the “meats” and “cheez” tasted so great. They’re made fresh in the kitchen! The same applies to the salad dressings, sauces, soups and gravies—impressive. The fact that I only tasted two menu items has left me intrigued. There is so much more left to try! The multicultural menu includes appetizers ranging from potstickers to nachos, a slew of sandwiches including a Philly and The Berliner (a take on the Reuben), diverse rice bowls, and hearty entrees like Pecan Dusted Seitan and a Soy Taco Plate. There’s also a daily special, which on the day I went consisted of a green enchilada, a chile relleno, guacamole and refried beans. As I watched plate after beautiful plate come out of the kitchen, I became more and more aware of how much care goes into each dish the kitchen sends out. This isn’t just healthy food. These are wellthought-out flavor combinations, carefully composed for discerning palates. Thanks to Sluggo’s, Chattanooga’s vegans don’t have to settle for bland generic food when they dine out—and their omnivore friends can join them and be as pleasantly surprised as I was. Sluggo’s North Vegetarian Cafe, 501 Cherokee Boulevard. Open Tuesday through Thursday, 11 a.m. to 11 p.m., Friday and Saturday, 11 a.m. to 1 a.m., closed Sunday and Monday. Call (423) 752-5224 or check out “sluggo’s north vegetarian cafe” on Facebook.com.

www.chattanoogapulse.com | July 29, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 30 | The Pulse

Ask A Mexican!

By Gustavo Arellano

Mexican to English Explained

“If you insist on a translation book, buy ¡Ask a Mexican!: released in paperback form by Scribner in 2008 and available at your cheaper bargain bins everywhere.” Ask the Mexican at themexican@ askamexican.net, be his fan on Facebook, follow him on Twitter or ask him a video question at youtube.com/askamexicano!

Dear Mexican, I’ve been reading your articles for a while, and have always wondered why you respond using Spanish words and terms for which I can’t find a translation. For example: que no, pendejo, raza cósmica, mariposa, chula, verga, gabachos, negritos, primeramente, migra, etc. Perhaps the translation books I’m using need to be replaced by a more complete dictionary of words. If you have a recommendation please let me know. — Webster’s Wishing We Weren’t Wimps Dear Gabacho, As I frequently menciono in this columna: pa’ educational razones, but siempre in un way that even the biggest Arpayaso can understand y thus aprender some nuevas words. If you insist on a translation book, buy ¡Ask a Mexican!: released in paperback form by Scribner in 2008 and available at your cheaper bargain bins everywhere. Dear Mexican, As an old gringo who calls himself a gringo (not a gabacho), I study Mexican culture and ask myself, “Where have I seen this before?” The answer invariably is: 1950s America, that’s where. Current Mexican culture in the U.S. is about 50 years behind current American culture. Back in the 1950s, Americans had large families, were overtly racist and sexist (the only jobs a woman could get were secretary or

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 30 | July 29, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

nurse). Macho men kept their women pregnant in the kitchen. There were lots of transient day workers because the Great Society social programs hadn’t been implemented yet. Americans were in love with their Bel Airs and Thunderbirds. Movies were hyper-macho (both A Streetcar Named Desire and On the Waterfront came out in the 1950s). Film noir was big. Television had lots of variety shows featuring circus acts and dwarves. Soap operas started to flourish. Polka was big. There were motorcycle gangs and Mafia families. I could go on and on. The parallels are striking, ¿qué no? So, I’m guessing that the future for Mexicans means a “counterculture” forming around 2010 that will drag Mexicans through all the crap Americans just went through the past 50 years. Scary. — Gringo from the Future in Tucson, Arizona Dear Gabacho, Fascinating chrono-analysis, but what you describe are the pathologies most every immigrant group in this country faced in their dumb-ethnics phase, not just the gabacho class. And you also fail to account for the millions

of pochos whose ancestors suffered such assimilatory lumps, pochos who are now essentially well-toasted whitebreads, almost indistinguishable from their gabacho neighbors save surnames and a bunch of illegal cousins. But I do salute you for being one of the few gabachos who remember the 1950s as the hellhole era it was instead on viewing it through the Vaseline-smeared lens of an MGM musical like too many Know Nothings.