AL E L NU ULS UA IDE AN E P NN GU TH 10 A EEN 20 LOW L HA
Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative
RiverRocks and Rolls the Scenic City by Jim Pfitzer
FREE • News, Views, Music, Film, Arts & Entertainment • September 30, 2010 • Volume 7, Issue 39 • www.chattanoogapulse.com
Local Sales Manager Jonathan Susman Advertising Sales Rick Leavell, Townes Webb Graphic Design Jennifer Grelier Contributing Writers Gustavo Arellano, Rob Brezsny Chuck Crowder, Joshua Hurley Matt Jones, Phillip Johnston Mark Kehoe, D.E. Langley Cody Maxwell, Reginald Owens Ernie Paik, Jim Pfitzer Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D., Alex Teach Editorial Cartoonist Rick Baldwin Calendar Editors Bryanna Burns, Josh Lang Editorial Intern Reginald Owens Contact Info: Phone (423) 265-9494 Fax (423) 266-2335 Email Inquiries info@chattanoogapulse.com Calendar Submissions calendar@chattanoogapulse.com The Pulse is published weekly and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publishers may take more than one copy per weekly issue. The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors.
13 RIVERROCKS AND ROLLS THE SCENIC CITY By Jim Pfitzer The accolades have flown. Outside magazine, AmericanStyle, the New York Times, U.S News & World Report have all figured it out. So have Southern Living, National Geographic Traveler and Disney’s FamilyFun. Just what is it that all these publications and many more have finally discovered about Chattanooga?
feature stories 18 BOHANNONS AMP IT UP WITH NEW ALBUM By Cody Maxwell Walking down MLK Boulevard just before dark last Sunday, I felt a weird sense of deja vu that wouldn’t go away. Music came from somewhere above an empty JJ’s Bohemia, but didn’t sound like it was supposed to—it crackled and sounded like punk-rock John Prine coming out of an old transistor radio.
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By Michael Crumb There’s a sense of excitement around the current visiting artists show at the Cress Gallery at UTC Fine Arts. Figurative paintings by Rose FreymuthFrazier and Michael Vasquez pose strikingly in all directions.
40 TIME TO PLAY WITH FIRE By Phillip Johnston When the first installment in Stieg Larsson’s “Millennium” trilogy of books was released in 2005 after the author’s death in 2004, no one expected the thriller triptych to see such wild success.
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Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative
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Letters to the Editor John Myers Past & Present I was at that tent meeting with John Myers and was raised in the church his father preached in. Can’t say I’ve heard his music today, but he has always had a talent. Awesome to hear of all his accomplishments. I would love to hear him in person. Jennifer Lacla Flying The Wrong Flag The worst part about [the Walker County flag flap] is that the flag wasn’t all that historic. It was designed in the mid-1950s as an “up yours” reaction to the civil rights movement. There’s no heritage there, just hate. And that’s exactly why it’s flying there in Crackerton. I don’t believe for a minute that any state government office, especially a press office, “accidentally” forgets to fly the real state flag for the better part of a decade. I’m sure the local county commissioner made sure the hate flag (and not the actual state flag) was kept there to tell those uppity so-and-sos exactly what kind of legal protection they could expect in Walker County. Tobiah Tillman
Need For A New Venue I’ve been hearing pangs of a possible new opening [of a music venue] within the next few months. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised if [it] occurs. Paul Wilson World Traveling Such a cool story [“Not a Stranger in a Strange Land”, Beyond The Headlines]. There always seems to be something Mark Kehoe did on some corner of the earth that is totally unexpected. I like the humility here; American ways aren’t always the best ways. Sarah Waugh Grossing Out Rookies Right on, Officer Teach! Better yet, having the “floater” burst open at mid torso while your rookie trainee—standing much too close to the body—is taking notes on his first water death investigation...then start asking him if he wants Chinese or Mexican tonight. Kelley Miller Vinyl vs MP3 Debate Continues There are two tracks on this Vinyl vs MP3
debate. First, there is the whole Persian flaw argument that crackling vinyl is more real (and nostalgic) than allegedly perfect digital. Second, a well kept, well engineered analog recording will always have better fidelity than a lossless format. If we were talking FLAC you might have an argument but by definition some of the data on a MP3 is lost. Besides only mall herd animals use MP3. The rest of us use OGG. GrundyGreen
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The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 39 | September 30, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com
Pulse Beats East Ridge Deficit Less Than Thought
Quote Of The Week:
A rundown of the newsy, the notable, and the notorious...
The City of East Ridge announced last week that the fiscal year 2010 deficit is substantially less than originally presented, news that was very welcome to East Ridge taxpayers, who had been worried about possible tax increases or more cuts to city government. In early August, the City of East Ridge announced a deficit of $701,000. After a more thorough review by external auditors, the city council reported that the unplanned deficit for 2010 is only $293,000 because of previously approved expenditures that were paid for by the city’s accumulated reserves. “Following the reorganization of our administrative staff, I, along with the council, asked the CPA firm of Johnson Hickey and Murchison to conduct an in-depth audit of all of our financial records,” said Mayor Mike Steele. “What they found was that approximately $389,000 was previously approved by the council to be paid out of reserves.” Mayor Steele went on to say that given the state of the economy along with natural occurrences that were out of the city’s control, the city had a very stable year. “If it was not for the flood of last year, which alone accounted for an approximate $215,000 loss through the closing of Sears Essential, our city would have only realized a loss of around $75,000,” Steele further stated. “Even though it is really tough out there for all municipalities, the council has done a great job in managing the welfare of this city.”
“We certainly want to be a leader in water quality and environmental responsibility, but we mustn’t be the only leader.” —Chattanooga Mayor Ron Littlefield, on a recent water quality permit draft that he feels is far in excess of what the city is currently capable of doing.
Walker County Residents Upset Over Use Of Old State Flag Some eagle-eyed viewers noticed something amiss with last week’s police press conference in Walker County. While the news of the discovery of Theresa Parker’s remains was the talk of the community, the backdrop for the press conference has raised concerns among some residents. The Georgia state flag prominently displayed behind the podium was the old state flag. That flag, containing a representation of the Confederate “St. Andrew’s Cross” battle flag, had been replaced in May of 2003 after much statewide debate. A number of residents felt using the old flag was disrespectful to the memory of Theresa Parker and her surviving family members. No one in Walker County government was willing to comment publicly on why the old flag was used.
Erlanger Adds Fourth Helicopter
Erlanger Medical Center announced Friday that a fourth air ambulance will be added to their fleet. Life Force 4 will serve areas of North Georgia and be based in Fannin County, beginning October 14. It will allow expanded services and shorter flights to Erlanger’s trauma center. Flight times from north Georgia regional hospitals to the Erlanger Campus in Chattanooga typically range between 15 to 30 minutes, depending on location in service area. Erlanger officials said Life Force 4 will be based at Fannin Regional Hospital until a permanent base is built.
Moulin Rouge: The (Free) Ballet Dance fans, on your toes: You can enter to win free tickets to opening night of Moulin Rouge: The Ballet through the blog www. moulinrougeballet.com. From October 22–31, the Atlanta Ballet will present the American premiere of Moulin Rouge (which is not based on the Baz Luhrmann movie). Go to the blog and post your most creative idea for a “moment of French culture” right here at home. Bonne chance!
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Beyond The Headlines
By Mark Kehoe
Composers Who Came in From the Cold T
he United States recently deported ten Russians accused of spying. There were other charges against them as well, like money laundering. Yet the ten were able to go back to Russia in exchange for four prisoners accused of spying for the West. Politics aside, this got me thinking about some things that have come over to the West from Russia. I spent some time in Eastern Europe and have a lot of affection for that part of the world’s cultural heritage, including the food, art, and music. Music—like spying—is something that has a rich history in Russia. So, in honor of the ten Commie spies (I mean Russians) who were shipped back to the motherland, I give you ten export-worthy and memorable Russian musicians/ composers • The Five “The Five” sounds like a gang and, in a way, they were. They formed the group in the mid19th century to stress a sense of Russian musical nationalism. Basically, they were upset with composers such as Tchaikovsky, whom they felt “sold out” by continuing a Western style of music. The five included Alexander Borodin, Cesar Cui, Mily Balakivev, Modest Musjorgsky, and Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakov. Balakivev was the leader, but Rimsky-Korsakov and his “Flight of the Bumblebee” is the probably the most famous of The Five. • 6 and 7: The Rubinstein Brothers—Anton and Nikolai Born seven years apart, the Rubinstein brothers’ musical gifts were apparent from an early age. Anton
(1829-1894) was the older brother and at just ten years old, played in Paris with Frederic Chopin and Franz Liszt listening. By 13, he was giving concerts across Europe. In 1862, Anton founded the St. Petersburg Imperial Conservatory. He also composed piano concertos, ballets, and operas. Yet it was his piano technique that made him a legend—especially in America. In fact, he might be characterized as a romantic who believed in the artistic expression and drama of his concerts. In other words, he was a real showman. Nikolai (18351881) wasn’t on the same playing level as Anton, but was a gifted musician in his own right. At 31, he became the first leader of the Moscow Conservatory when it opened in 1866—a post he held until his death. Also, there is a story that Nikolai was very critical of Tchaikovsky. In fact, when Nikolai was given a copy of Piano Concerto No. 1, he scoffed at it. But Nikolai ended up playing the piece four years later to great praise at the Paris Exposition. • 8: Pyotr Tchaikovsky, 1840-1893 Tchaikovsky is probably Russia’s most popular composer, which is amazing since he didn’t become serious about music until he was in his twenties. That’s when he enrolled at the Saint Petersburg Conservatory and started to develop his musical skills. He was also very emotional and prone to depression. Some say that he was so melancholy
“In honor of the ten Commie spies (I mean Russians) who were shipped back to the motherland, I give you ten export-worthy and memorable Russian musicians/ composers.”
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because of repressed homosexuality. Whatever the reason, Tchaikovsky poured his soul into his music and labored over every note. He’s probably best known for his ballets Swan Lake and The Nutcracker Suite. Yet, if you listen his Piano Concerto No. 1 with your eyes closed it will definitely take you to another place. The fast-paced piano is hypnotic and like The Five, you might think it was a sell out, but you won’t be able to turn if off. • 9: Sergei Rachmaninoff, 18731943 Like Tchaikovsky, Rachmaninoff was very emotional and prone to writer’s block. In fact, shortly before Tchaikovsky died, Rachmaninoff worked with Tchaikovsky and the two became good friends. He also won the gold medal for composition at the Moscow Conservatory and is one of the composers to come over from Russia that we did not give back. In fact, he will always be linked to Tennessee as he gave his last performance at the University of Tennessee at Knoxville in 1943. • 10: Igor Stravinsky, 1882-1971 One hundred years ago at the age of 28, Stravinsky’s first great ballet premiered. The Firebird used Russian folklore with Stravinsky’s powerful score. Yet 40 years after his death, he might be known best for his funeral pieces. After his mentor Korsakov died, Stravinsky was so upset that he lamented the death with a funeral song. He then went on to write musical eulogies for T.S. Eliot, Aldous Huxley, and John F. Kennedy. Of course, to many people he is known for his associations with other celebrities, such as Picasso and his scandalous affairs such as the one with Coco Chanel.
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A weekly roundup of the newsworthy, notable and often head-scratching stories gleaned from police reports from the Chattanooga Police Department, the Hamilton County Sheriff’s Office, the Bradley County Sheriff’s Department and the Dalton Police Department.
• A prowler choose the wrong Red Bank neighborhood to ply his illicit trade during the past weekend. A 44-yearold man was arrested and charged with aggravated burglary after witnesses say they saw him trying to break into two houses on Sweetland Drive early in the morning. One victim said he heard a noise at his front door...and when he looked, there was a man he had never seen before trying to open his screen door. The resident grabbed his pistol and went to the front door as the man was leaving. He noticed his wallet was gone, but while talking with Red Bank police officers, he spotted his wallet in his neighbor’s front yard. Nothing was missing from it. • The love affair Americans have with their cars is well known, but like many desirable things is often very hard to give up—even when it’s well past time to hang up the keys. Such is the story of a Birchwood man who says he blacked out for a second, causing him to run his car into three other vehicles and a church building near Eastgate Town Center. The 77-year-old man admitted to officers that it might be time to surrender his driver’s
license, which was probably one of the more astute statements made to police during the past week. He says he got dizzy and appears to have blacked out while driving across the parking lot. When he came to, his car had crashed through the wall of the Cross Culture Church. Authorities said the man won’t be charged, but will be held responsible for damages. • They say alcohol can make a sane man do insane things, and there is very little reason to ever doubt the theory. Chattanooga Police responded to a Willow Trace Lane address on a “person down” call and found a 55-year-old man suffering from an apparent head injury. Police were called by the residents at the location after they discovered the man face down in their yard. Investigators say the man was very intoxicated when he was found, and believe that he drove to this location, where he got out of his car, stumbled to the rear of the home and fell and hit his head. Why he thought the house was where he was supposed to be is a question apparently known only to Jack Daniels. • Is it age discrimination to be told not to download porn to a city computer?
The List The Top Ten Worst Movies Of All Time
That’s the question being asked as the City of Chattanooga is appealing a $600,000 jury award to two former police officers who had sued the city, claiming age discrimination. The appeal says that one of the officers had nearly 300 sexually explicit e-mails on his city-owned computer at the time he was let go. The amount of sexuallyrelated material on his computer was, in the words of an investigator familiar with the case, “absolutely stunning”. In the case of the other officer, the city claims his agediscrimination complaint was unjustified since he was not replaced by a younger officer. No word on when the appeal will be heard, but rest assured, when it happens it will be front page news—any time you combine cops and porn and money, it’s guaranteed publicity.
1. Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004) 2. Monster a-Go Go (1965) 3. Night Train to Mundo Fine (1966) 4. Pocket Ninjas (1997) 5. Ben & Arthur (2002) 6. Daniel the Wizard (2004) 7. The Starfighters (1964) 8. The Skydivers (1963) 9. Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966) 10. Zaat (1975) The visitors to the extremely popular Internet Movie Database website (www.imdb.com) answered the call to vote on the absolute worst movies of all time. If you’ve never seen any of these, count yourself a lucky person. We’re not sure, but we believe forcing anyone to watch any of them could be considered a violation of UN resolutions relating to torture.
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Shrink Rap
By Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D
The Self-Esteem Dance, Part 2 L
“Understanding and believing in your heart of hearts that you’re a valid and worthwhile person right now, a person in process, will help you achieve your goals, whatever they may be.”
Dr. Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist, minister, and educator, in private practice in Chattanooga. Visit his web site at www.DrRPH.com and listen Monday's at 7 p.m. to Addictions on News Talk 95.3 WPLZ.
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ast week, we looked at self-esteem not as an “either-or” proposition—in other words, that you either have good self-esteem or poor self-esteem—but instead as an organic, evolving-overtime quality of human nature that fares differently in different parts of your life. We all have many parts to our lives, which, for purposes of simplicity, can be visualized as pieces of a pie. A person’s life may include, say, some basic areas like home, work, school, spirituality, a significant love relationship, friendships, and family of origin. Further, each part of your life, each identity, also carries with it the feelings you have about yourself in that area. As examples, perhaps you think of yourself as a good friend, a great lover, a so-so employee, but feel guilty about the kind of daughter you are. Or maybe you see yourself as an accomplished career person, a devoted son, but feel quite confused and helpless about the quality of your friendships and your string of transient love relationships. Perhaps you think highly of yourself as a dad, but poorly of yourself as a son to your own father. One of the benefits to thinking about selfesteem in this way, as pieces of a pie, is that although there may be some parts of yourself about which you do not feel positive or hopeful, there are other parts where you do. Even if your immediate response is that you don’t feel good about any of your identities, I’d suggest that you need to look more closely, and more accurately. What is it about you from which you can derive some positive
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regard, whether in the present, or in the past? We each possess some gift, be it modest or grand, few or many…some aspect of who we are that is commendable, even to the harshest critic (which is usually yourself!) Think about it, then realize that it is from that aspect of yourself where you experience positive selfesteem that you can gather the strength to help you in your process of working on the rest. This is one approach to self-esteem work, and it can be a highly effective way to begin, especially when working with a professional to help you along this road. For instance: You feel that you’re too heavy, and your weight has been a source of low self-esteem your whole life. You doubt you have the ability to make the healthier lifestyle changes you’ll need in order to feel better about yourself physically. A question to ask is: In what areas of your life have you experienced success? Perhaps you’ve put yourself through school, or have kept yourself successfully employed. Maybe you have a highly creative talent that you tossed aside years ago. Or you’ve developed and maintained several long-term, quality friendships. The point is, if you look carefully and honestly, you’ll find that you have reason to feel good about parts of yourself right now, overweight or not! Where the battle becomes great, however, is when you may not feel that you can accept those parts, or those identities, as worthy, of value. They may be overshadowed by your intense feelings about yourself as a “heavy person”—feelings that always seem to win. You may get this concept intellectually, but it doesn’t feel real. There’s a disconnect there. And this is, in fact, the work to be done: to
begin the dance, the process, of “borrowing” the positive and empowered feelings from one area of your life, and learning to apply that valid, real confidence to the other areas. The weaker parts benefit from the healthy parts. Think about it: You’ll be more successful about accepting yourself as a work in progress, no matter your weight, if you’re in touch with those areas of yourself that you are proud of, that help you feel worthy, that offer you feelings of positive self-regard. You’re heavy? So what? Good for you that you want to improve your health. Understanding and believing in your heart of hearts that you’re a valid and worthwhile person right now, a person in process, will help you achieve your goals, whatever they may be. I mentioned last week that working on your self-esteem is so important because it influences everything you do, every decision you make. And while the above example may seem simple, our self-esteem issues are not simple; they’ve evolved from a full and complex past from childhood onward. But what’s the reward for working on yourself? When you fail a test at school, you fail a test. You’re not “an idiot who can’t learn anything.” When a relationship ends, it ends. It doesn’t make you “unlovable forever.” An accident, a misstep, a blunder…these don’t make you a “loser,” they make you “human.” Look forward to the day when, despite the embarrassment, you can smile and say, “Hey, I’m not so bad after all.” Until next time: “I am enough. I have wisdom enough. I have faith enough. I know enough. I do not need to strain, reach or worry. I am enough.” — author Julia Cameron
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Cover Story
RiverRocks and Rolls the Scenic City
By Jim Pfitzer
“Local land trusts and conservation organizations that will benefit from RiverRocks proceeds include the Tennessee River Gorge Trust, the Trust for Public Land, Lula Lake Land Trust, North Chickamauga Creek Conservancy, Cumberland Trail, Lookout Mountain Conservancy, Friends of Moccasin Bend and Reflection Riding Arboretum & Botanical Garden.”
The accolades have flown. Outside magazine, AmericanStyle, the New York Times, U.S News & World Report have all figured it out. So have Southern Living, National Geographic Traveler and Disney’s FamilyFun. Just what is it that all these publications and many more have finally discovered about Chattanooga? Something the folks who live, work and play in the Scenic City have known for a long time: The Little City on the River Rocks! And from October 1-10, through more than 120 events covering everything from rock climbing to fine dining, Chattanooga will be strutting the stuff that makes this city so… well… rockin’. www.chattanoogapulse.com | September 30, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 39 | The Pulse
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Cover Story “Expect twists, flips, corkscrews, and wipeouts as guys and gals accustomed to being pummeled by big water take aim at Kayak Big Air.” When I asked Carla Pritchard of Chattanooga Presents, the organization that is coordinating RiverRocks, just what this event is all about, her answer took more than an hour, and I got the feeling she could have talked for another one—not because she is that long-winded, but because that’s how big this thing is. As the name suggests, much of RiverRocks is focused on the river and the rocks that make this area so appealing. Chattanooga has long been a destination for climbers, paddlers, rowers, hang gliders, and cyclists, and there will be a lot of opportunities for the elite in all these—but there will also be opportunities for casual participants and beginners. Along with the hardcore competitive pursuits, RiverRocks will offer opportunities for casual liking, bird watching, hot-air balloon rides, wine tasting, and much more. There will be an environmental film festival, bluegrass music, art and history tours, and even a light show. “The whole thing is a celebration, but just as importantly, it’s a fundraiser,” says Pritchard. Fifty percent of the money taken in by RiverRocks will be divided among eight local nonprofit land trusts and conservancies in the Tennessee Valley. The beneficiaries are all organizations focused on the protection and/or improvement of the land and watersheds surrounding Chattanooga. “So many people have chosen to locate here because of the climbing, biking, paddling. It seems like everywhere I go, I meet people who say ‘I moved here from… (fill in the blank)’ When the event is over, the work of these agencies will help protect areas and build trails to keep folks coming here and enjoying our area,” she says. Local land trusts and conservation organizations that will benefit from RiverRocks proceeds include the Tennessee River Gorge Trust, the Trust for Public Land, Lula Lake Land Trust, North Chickamauga Creek Conservancy,
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Cumberland Trail, Lookout Mountain Conservancy, Friends of Moccasin Bend and Reflection Riding Arboretum & Botanical Garden. Pritchard points out that the area those different agencies work with represents about 60,000 acres—two thirds of which is right here in the river gorge. While there are plenty of other popular cities for outdoor activity, most don’t have so much to do right outside their back doors. Of the 120-plus events, 11 are hikes, and each of the eight beneficiary agencies has a hike in their territory. “Again, the whole idea in getting people out there is to get them active and appreciating what we have,” Pritchard explains. I asked her about putting together 120 events at the same time, and she noted that a lot of the events are not new, but others have been developed just for RiverRocks, and it is taking “30 or 40 partners to make it work.” One of many things making RiverRocks unique is its many locations. There will be events taking place right near downtown in Coolidge and Renaissance Parks, and Ross’s Landing, but participants will also be scattered all across the area. The Sequatchie Century, for instance, is a 100-mile bike race in Sequatchie County, while the legendary Stump Jump 50K will take serious trail runners in and out of the Suck Creek gorge, along the edge of the Tennessee River Gorge and all over Prentice Cooper State Forest. Last year, Stump Jump attracted competitors from 20 states, and the popularity of the event is evidenced on YouTube, where I found a video made by a woman in Montana with the express purpose of convincing organizers to include her in the 800 competing. The Chattanooga Head Race draws about 350 teams, and of course with each team is support and family. “You can see how this builds,” says Ann Ball, also of Chattanooga Presents. There is even a 45-mile, three-farm bicycle tour starting in Chickamauga, complete with wine tasting
Cover Story and hors d’oeuvres. Ball says that while there is no set boundary or prescribed proximity to Chattanooga for an event to be a part of RiverRocks, most of what is going on is within about 20 miles of the city. “We would go farther if folks want, though…” she adds. “Ocoee Adventure Center, for instance, is bringing bikes in. Who knows, they might want to add some whitewater next year.” With so many serious sporting, leisure and entertainment events, I searched the schedule for something that might stand out as really unique, and it didn’t take long for me to find The Wacky Paddler Olympics brought to you by Outdoor Chattanooga. This might just be the perfect combination of serious athleticism, entertainment value, and pure silliness. There are only two components in this so-called Olympic event, and in spite of the silliness of the competition, there will be a real, live Olympian on hand. According to Ruth Thompson of Outdoor Chattanooga, whitewater canoeing gold medalist Joe Jacobi will be playing along. The main attraction in these “Olympic games” will be hard to miss. Palmertree Construction will be building a kayak ramp (yes, I said a “kayak ramp”) at Ross’s Landing that will launch paddlers out into the river, hopefully with enough time airborne to show off their aerial prowess for the judges. Expect twists, flips, corkscrews, and wipeouts as guys and gals accustomed to being pummeled by big water take aim at Kayak Big Air. It is the other Olympic event, however, that most piqued my interest. While only those able to demonstrate their whitewater abilities will be allowed to make the jump, any paddling pair of legal age (or age 14 with an adult) can enter the canoe jousting competition. In this nonsensical
two-person event, teammate A in the stern of the boat, will paddle a tandem canoe directly towards an opposing canoe, while lucky teammate B in the bow will wield a pillow-tipped jousting stick with the goal of removing the opposition from his or her boat. And if the sheer lunacy of this event isn’t enough, it will take place during the 3 Sisters Bluegrass Festival at Ross’s Landing on Friday, October 1, at 5:30 p.m. In other words, RiverRocks is combining jousting, canoes, and banjos. Can anyone say Deliverance? According to Thompson, “It’s not going to be perfect in terms of scoring, but the whole point is to get paddlers out and get them playing.” Registration will be on a firstcome, first-served basis. Boats, helmets, paddles and personal flotation devices will be provided, but folks are
welcome to bring their own gear. If you want to joust in your own boat or just want to watch from the water, you can launch your canoe on the North Shore and paddle over. Thompson made it clear that the jump is for play boats only—no recreational or sea kayaks allowed and, “If you aren’t sure what kind of boat you have, you can be pretty certain that it is not the right boat.” (And you probably aren’t the right paddler, either.) On the other hand, find a partner and you might be the perfect participants for jousting. I asked Mike McGauley, co-founder and visionary behind RiverRocks, what inspired the event. The idea, he said was “for this to be a celebration of things that make this a pretty special place to live.” McGauley is not new to being labeled a visionary, nor is he unaccustomed to being considered “a little extreme.” It’s been a long time since his suggestion to put a green roof on the convention center was seen by some as a little wacky, but as with RiverRocks, McGauley says, “Timing was the issue.” He says Chattanooga wouldn’t have been ready to embrace the idea of RiverRocks even as recently as five years ago, much less 10 or 15 years ago, but that the city has “matured in terms of environmental stewardship, land conservation, and recognizing the health benefits of an outdoor lifestyle,” and that “we’ve had a cultural revival over the past ten years.” He proudly shared with me that he developed first LEED-certified building in Chattanooga… “and it has a green roof.” Hs added with a chuckle, “It took 15 years but I finally got my green roof.” McGauley was also instrumental in starting Crabtree Farms, and he says the local food component is as important to RiverRocks as anything else. By next year, he plans on having a model for on-site food that heavily involves the local food economy. Already he has several
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Cover Story local restaurants offering specials featuring local food during the event. McGauley would love to see attendees closing a Chattanooga food loop by eating food that is grown, prepared and served right here in Chattanooga. In almost every case, they are working with venders who support local foods. “For instance, Big River will be using Sequatchie Cove beef,” he says. “We are creating relationships that wouldn’t usually exist.” Even the on-site food at Coolidge Park will be healthier than you would typically see at a festival. RiverRocks is doing things in ways that are atypical in event design—but, then, this is no typical event. According to Pritchard, “Everybody has recycling bins, but we are working with the city to have recycling and composting bins next to every trash can in Coolidge Park, and there will be a volunteer at every point of disposal, so that you don’t see all of the same mistakes being made of things being put in the wrong places.” They will even weigh everything to see what is diverted from the landfill, and are partnering with John Sweet (of Niedlov’s Breadworks) and Crabtree Farms to compost everything they can. They are even working with Big Frog Mountain on having a solar-powered stage. Pritchard admits, “We can’t do it all,” but they are setting some benchmarks and hope to keep improving, with an ultimate goal of a future event that is carbon-neutral. McGauley told me he has people tracking the carbon creation, so they will know exactly where they need to improve next year. McGauley’s excitement about the local and sustainable elements of RiverRocks was matched by Pritchard’s enthusiasm for the entertainment she will be bringing to the stage. “There are all aspects of entertainment,” says Pritchard. “Not just things tied to sporting competitions…but there
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are connections—like with the circus and what you can do with the human body.” Indeed, the final night of RiverRocks, October 10, features an act that fuses sport with stage in a way never before seen in Chattanooga. Working without ropes, AscenDance performers dance on a vertical stage. Using music, light, shadow, and a lot of physical strength and grace, Ascendance pushes dance to a very different place. It took some work to get them here. After calling AscenDance for booking, Pritchard was told she would have to wait. The act was on the hit TV show America’s Got Talent and booking was tough because they didn’t know if they were going to continue in the show or not. “I was watching the night they were voted off and I called them the next morning,” said Pritchard. Fortunately for Chattanooga, they said, “Yes.” Following Ascendance on the final night is Fitz and
The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 39 | September 30, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com
the Tantrums, a pop/soul band whose guitar-free mix relies heavily on a vintage organ and saxophone to get a huge sound. Perhaps the best-dressed act on stage today, Fitz and the Tantrums have only been at it for a couple of years, but in that time, they have seen a meteoric rise “from the living room to the main stage.” To close the evening and wrap up the 10-day event, Coolidge Park will be bathed in a never-before-seen-anywhere LED light show created just for RiverRocks. “People are used to lasers and pyro,” says Pritchard. “But this is something completely different…they keep calling and telling us about new things they are doing. It is very site specific.” Of course, LED technology isn’t new—we see in everything from traffic lights to headlamps—but the application and design are. Created by the same people who put together the long-running Stone Mountain light show, this will be an event unto itself and spectacular way to relax at the end of a long and potentially exhausting event. According to the RiverRocks web site, “The prototype light show combines with stunning lights, graceful balloons and dramatic music to give the grand finale a lasting impression.” And it is a lasting impression that is hoped for with RiverRocks. One of many goals Mike McGauley has for his event is national recognition—something Chattanooga has been getting more and more of lately. “We’ve changed an awful lot in just the last 10 years,” he says proudly. A complete schedule for RiverRocks, as well as links to individual events, performances, and benefiting land trusts and conservation organizations can be found at www. riverrockschattanooga.com. A complete four-page pullout guide to all the RiverRocks events and activities begins on page 23.
www.chattanoogapulse.com | September 30, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 39 | The Pulse
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Music Feature
By Cody Maxwell
Bohannons Amp It Up With New Album
W
alking down MLK Boulevard just before dark last Sunday, I felt a weird sense of deja vu that wouldn’t go away. Music came from somewhere above an empty JJ’s Bohemia, but didn’t sound like it was supposed to—it crackled and sounded like punk-rock John Prine coming out of an old transistor radio. It made people stop and look up towards the covered windows at the top of the building and wonder what was going on. Not to worry, though—there had been no glitch in time and transistor radios are not yet usurping the place of the cool new iPod or whatever the next thing is. It was the acoustics of the dilapidated old buildings that line the lower blocks of the Boulevard. Behind a locked door and up an old stack of stairs were piles of old amplifiers, guitars hanging here and there, old set lists taped on walls and pictures of grand advertising beer
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whores taped beside them. Beer bottles abounded and a cloud of that bizarre smoke that always seems to follow rock and roll bands fogged up the rooms. The music sounded different on the inside, though. The transistors had been pulled out and replaced by eyeball-rattling Marshall amps and the Bohannons’ backroom rock. The band was sweating out song after song, playing with the same focus and attitude found in their stage shows, until the bass player became upset and said, “Stop, stop, stop,” and they all stopped with a cymbal crash. “Something’s not right,” he said. “Your right hands aren’t doing the same thing. We’re off...” The brothers Bohannon, who are responsible for the band’s guitar work, looked at each other, each accusing the other, until Matt conceded that he might need to smoke the air up a bit more, which he proceeded to do. “That’ll keep you from f****g up,” brother Marty quipped. “Maybe you should try it sometime.” And on the drummer’s count, they then pummeled out a note-perfect, over-driven take of the first track of their new album. The song was from Days of Echo, a recently recorded, upcoming release from the Bohannons. Recorded with Steve Albini (of Nirvana and The Pixies fame) and a year in the making, it is anything but a tired attempt to become the new Nirvana. Imagine a countrified Black Crowes jamming with Tony Iommi after listening to the Sex Pistols all day. There you have what Days of Echo has brought to the table. The recording sessions for the album came about after Marty Bohannon read an interview with Steve Albini in TapeOp magazine. The trick to working with Albini, he learned, is that a band won’t get the overproduction and extraneous
The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 39 | September 30, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com
input of the producer. The band writes the music, Albini records it and works out the technicalities. The final product is the band’s music in pure form, filtered of impurities by Steve Albini’s mastery. A cold call to the studio and a huge dose of luck had the Bohannons driving 12 hours to Chicago and walking into the studio of one of the most respected names in the recording industry. After nearly a year of making the monthly trek from Chattanooga to Chicago to record the album, and after adding the final touches to it with the help of Jack White’s engineers at Sputnik Sound in Nashville, Days of Echo is being offered to the world. On the street back outside JJ’s, a crowd was starting to arrive for a ten o’clock show. Everyone looked up to the dark, covered windows where the album was being rehearsed. From the street it still sounded like new music filtered through an old radio. Inside the bar, a few of those who didn’t already know asked who the band upstairs was and when they would be playing. On Saturday, October 2, the Bohannons are expecting a full house downstairs with the release of the album. They insisted on having the CD release show in their hometown and have recruited long-time friend and local musician John Myers of the Black Diamond Heavies, freshly home from a show in France at the Paris Jazz Festival, as their supporting act. Copies of Days of Echo will be free for all at this show only. Afterward, it will be available for purchase locally and on i-tunes. The Bohannons have been fixtures of Chattanooga’s music scene for years and have helped make it what it is today. This town has seen a lot of local talent either give up or move on to other cities due to lack of local support. But this band has built a loyal and devoted following—and may prove to be the last men standing.
The Bohannons (CD release party), John Myers $10 10 p.m., October 2 JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400.
New Music Reviews
By Ernie Paik
Fela Kuti
Shane Perlowin
Koola Lobitos 64-68 / The ’69 L.A. Sessions
The Vacancy in Every Verse (Open Letter)
(Knitting Factory Records)
Guitarist Shane Perlowin, It’s quite from Asheville, possible that no North Carolina, other musician is best known has completely as a member of dominated a Ahleuchatistas, genre as much the fiery as Fela Kuti instrumental has dominated outfit that has forged a reputation for intense Afrobeat, the groove-oriented performances with a surgical precision and style he pioneered, using traditional West an expansive, avant-garde spirit. Perlowin’s African rhythms mixed with strong funk and solo album, The Vacancy in Every Verse, jazz elements. Fela, who passed away in 1997, reveals a different kind of vivaciousness, has received a surge of attention this year, in part because all tracks were recorded in largely because of the success and acclaim of real time, with no overdubs. It could serve the Broadway musical Fela! based on his life, as Perlowin’s aural demo reel, showing just and Knitting Factory Records is going strong how diverse and inventive a guitarist he is, with its reissue program, domestically releasing alternating between tuneful, yet off-center dozens of Fela albums, mostly in pairs on numbers and more scattered improv pieces. single CDs. Perlowin is joined on four of the album’s Fela is synonymous with Afrobeat, who ten tracks by his bandmate in Ahleuchatistas, made it a vital channel for his political and drummer Ryan Oslance, and bassist Joseph social concerns, so his pre-Afrobeat efforts in Burkett, and one of these tracks, “Toppling ’60s, with the band Koola Lobitos, are often overlooked. The first half of the CD at hand Obelisks,” uses a loose jazz-rock style, features six Koola Lobitos tracks, on which culminating in a glorious snowball of notes Fela mostly sings in Yoruba and performs with at its conclusion. “Owls” and “We Meet a lively, African highlife style, with prominent in Sleep” are excellent solos performed horn melodies and rhythms enhanced by on a nylon-string guitar, peppered with hand-struck drums. Though spirited and harmonics, memorable motifs, and noninfectious, there are some intonation issues obvious chords; these are reminiscent of on those tracks, and the proceedings are the kind of guitar solos that ’70s prog-rock much tighter on The ’69 L.A. Sessions, which guitarists would record, to show both sports an apparent James Brown influence, tenderness and an expert proficiency. The particularly with Fela’s outbursts and the brief “Gummed Works” is an unpredictable ringing guitar chords. free improv number, bringing to mind Derek Ironically, Fela’s visit to the U.S.A. in 1969 Bailey’s solo work, and “Apostasy” sports a made him more conscious of his African background and black history—he considered playful melody, bordering on “ditty” (or even it “a turning point in my way of thinking possibly “television theme song”) status. and approach to life.” The track “My Lady The ten-minute title track is the album’s Frustration” was built from a Yoruba-style longest, most puzzling selection. It rhythm, and on “Viva Nigeria,” Fela speaks his bombards the listener with plinky guitar plea for worldwide harmony in English. With notes until finally a looped factory-esque relatively short songs (4-5 minutes each, as sound bursts onto the scene; a subdued fakecompared to his 10-15 minute ones that came out ending is interrupted by a reemergence later) and a style caught in transition, this CD of a guitar loop—a kind of statement that is not a representative Fela disc, nor is it the best starting place for a newcomer (try Zombie creates questions rather than answers them. With expertly executed runs and passages or Expensive Shit); however, it does feature and a penchant for sound exploration, The Fela’s unmistakable spark and documents his crucial transition in 1969, becoming outwardly Vacancy in Every Verse offers a varied array of pieces, accessible or difficult, melodic or political and showing his roots in his new abstract, yet always vibrant and imaginative. musical fusion. www.chattanoogapulse.com | September 30, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 39 | The Pulse
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Music Calendar Thursday Spotlight
American Cheeseburger, Gravebound, Canadian Rifle, Planet Ketchup, 40-oz Folklore Thrash-punk from Georgia with American Cheeseburger—and a whole bunch of friends. $7 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E,. MLK. Blvd. (423) 266-1400. Find JJ's on Facebook.
Thursday Jimmy Harris 6:30 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Live Team! 7:30 p.m. T-Bones, 1419 Chestnut St. (423) 266-4240. www.tboneschattanooga.com DJ Stick Man 9 p.m. Ziggy’s Underground, 607 Cherokee Blvd. (423) 756-4786. myspace.com/ziggyshideaway Open Mic with Gabriel Newell 9 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com American Cheeseburger, Gravebound, Canadian Rifle, Planet Ketchup, 40-oz folklore 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 2661400. Find JJ’s on Facebook.
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The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 39 | September 30, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com
Friday Spotlight
Downstroke 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com SOULEDOUT! Classic and Modern Soul with DJ K7 10 p.m. The Social, 1110 Market St., Ste. 101. Soul Sessions 10 p.m. Table 2, 232 E. 11th St. (423) 756-8253. www.table2restaurant.com DJ ScubaSteve Fox and Hound Pub & Grille, 2040 Hamilton Place Blvd., #150. (423) 490-1200. DJ Lucky Lucky’s, 2536 Cummings Highway, (423) 825-5145.
Friday Johnny Cash Tribute Band 5 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo Centennial Theatre, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-5000. www.choochoo.com Ben Friberg Trio 6 p.m. Table 2, 232 E.11th St. (423) 756-8253. www.table2restaurant.com The Icarus Account 7 p.m. The Warehouse, 5716 Ringgold Rd., East Ridge. myspace.com/warehousetn Jimmy Harris 7:30 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Rock N’ Roll Spectacular 7:30 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo Centennial Theatre, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-5000.
New Orleans Jazz Trio 7:30 p.m. Blue Orleans Creole Restaurant, 3208 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 629-6538. IckyBodCrankiN 8 p.m. Southside Saloon & Bistro, 1301 Chestnut St. (423) 757-4730. southsidesaloonandbistro.com Dying Truth, Retalitory, Iron Diplomat 8 p.m. Ziggy’s Underground, 607 Cherokee Blvd. (423) 756-4786. myspace.com/ziggyshideaway Summer Hullender and Ritchye Dupree The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn). facebook.com/theofficechatt John Lathim 9 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike. (423) 266-1996. Abstractiony Jones featuring Dennis Palmer 9 p.m. Winder Binder Gallery & Book Store, 40 Frazier Ave. (423) 413-8999. www.winderbinder.com Space Capone with Deep Fried Five 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com Roger Alan Wade 10 p.m. T-Bones, 1419 Chestnut St. (423) 266-4240. www.tboneschattanooga.com Milele Roots 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. Find JJ’s on Facebook. Brian Collins Raw Sushi Bar Restaurant &
Space Capone with Deep Fried Five ’70s-style R&B from Space Capone. $7 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St, (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com
Nightclub, 409 Market Street, (423) 756-1919. www.myspace.com/jimstriker DJ GOP The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com
Saturday Gerle Haggard 7 p.m. 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. Find JJ’s on Facebook. Mark Merriman Trio 7:30 p.m. Blue Orleans Creole Restaurant, 3208 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 629-6538. Big Band Dance 7:30 p.m. American Legion Post 95, 3329 Ringgold Rd. (423) 624-9105. www.americanlegionpost95.org Jimmy Harris 7:30 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Heart Cake Party 7:30 p.m. The Warehouse, 5716 Ringgold Rd., East Ridge. myspace.com/warehousetn
Music Calendar
Send your calendar events to us at calendar@chattanoogapulse.com
Saturday Spotlight
3 Sisters Bluegrass Festival Cherryholmes headlines and lots of other great bands are featured. Free Noon to 10 p.m. Ross’s Landing, (423) 265-0771. www.3sistersbluegrass.com
Open Mic with Wendell & Friends 8 p.m. Southside Saloon & Bistro, 1301 Chestnut St. (423) 757-4730. southsidesaloonandbistro.com A.J. Valcarcel’s Bitter Lesson 8 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.comedycatch.com Ben Friberg Trio 8:30 p.m. The Foundry, 1201 South Broad St. (423) 756-3400. www.chattanooganhotel.com Billy Hopkins 9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn). facebook.com/theofficechatt Malignant Christ, Bloated Carcass, Cernunnos, Pecker Gnats, Desolate Anguish 9 p.m. Ziggy’s Underground, 607 Cherokee Blvd. (423) 756-4786. myspace.com/ziggyshideaway The Bohannons (CD release party), James Legg 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia
Sunday Spotlight
1999: A Tribute to Prince 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com Stevie Monce Raw Sushi Bar Restaurant & Nightclub, 409 Market Street, (423) 756-1919. www.myspace.com/jstriker DJ GOP The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com
Sunday Kort Mcumber 12:30 p.m. Chattanooga Market, 1826 Carter St. (423) 266-9270. www.chattanoogamarket.com Dana Rogers 2 p.m. Chattanooga Market, 1826 Carter St. (423) 266-9270. www.chattanoogamarket.com Open Mic w/Jeff Daniels 4 p.m. Ms. Debbie’s Nightlife Lounge 4762 Highway 58, (423) 485-0966. myspace.com/debbieslounge The Roast of Nick Bowers 5 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. Pay the Reckoning 6 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike. (423) 266-1996. www.tremonttavern.com Rain Perry with Martin Young 8 p.m. Barking Legs, 1322 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347. www.barkinglegs.org
Monday
Rain Perry with Martin Young
Old Tyme Players 6 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Paul Lohorn and the Monday Nite Big Band 7:30 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Zoroaster, Night of the Wolf, Rough Rope 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia
Perry’s “Beautiful Tree” is the theme song for Life Unexpected.
Tuesday Ben Friberg Trio 6:30 p.m. Table 2, 232 E. 11th St. (423) 756-8253. www.table2restaurant.com Gentlemens Jazz Quartet 8 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Lightning Billy Hopkins 8 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Open Mic with Mike McDade 9 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike. (423) 266-1996. www.tremonttavern.com Frontier Ruckus, Rayland Baxter 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia
$10 8 p.m. Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347. www.barkinglegs.org
Wednesday Ben Friberg Trio 7 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Jimmy Harris 7:30 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Johnny B. and Friends 8 p.m. Bourbon Street Music Bar, 2000 E. 23rd St. (423) 826-1985. Arrington de Dionyso 9 p.m. Discoteca, 304 E. Main St. (423) 386-3066. Kudzu Review 9 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike. (423) 266-1996. www.tremonttavern.com Ivan Neville and Dumpstaphunk 9 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com Open Mic with Mark Holder 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia
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On The Beat
Great Justice E
ast Chattanooga. If the City of Chattanooga has an armpit, take it from me: This is its asshole.
“Door after door fell to his Pumas, and to his disgust he ultimately found no one to shoot at, and he left the building, where he once again slung his boomstick and re-mounted his golden Vespa to go back home.” When Officer Alexander D. Teach is not patrolling our fair city on the heels of the criminal element, he is an occasional student, carpenter, boating enthusiast, and spends his spare time volunteering for the Boehm Birth Defects Center. To contact him directtly, follow him on Facebook at www.facebook.com/alex.teach
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My first few months working a beat there, I thought it was darker than most parts of town because of its geography. It’s a logical conclusion since Missionary Ridge bisects our fair city and stretches the length of East Chatt’s western border, cloaking it in shadow during the morning hours as the sun moves upward into its rightful place in the sky. For the rest of the day, the area’s disproportionately dense foliage blocks our starlight during the peak daylight and fading evening hours, and makes what few street lights seem to exist there half as effective during the midnight shift hours. After lengthy study and careful first-hand deliberation, however, it turns out that all that logic is worthless because the blighted area just sucks the light and life out everything around it like some Indian burial ground seeking revenge against all indigenous trespassers. (Myself included.) This is evidenced each and every day when the sun finally creeps up and over said ridge and despite the area’s best efforts, reflects and refracts light throughout the ironweeds and largely deciduous trees that populate its topography. The area itself says in response, “Shit. You again?” and shrugs it off under a layer of push rods, straight shooters, and condom wrappers bonded together by apathy and a film of unemployment. But rarely…the light does get through, and on this day it shone upon a man standing outside his home with great purpose, his eyes closed, nostrils flared, fists gripped tight, drinking the rays and the air in as a man reborn. A man with a mission. A man with the ugliest shotgun you’ve ever seen. His day started unlike that of most for the residents of the 37406 area code: With Purpose. Moments earlier, he’d sat at a cheap Formica-
The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 39 | September 30, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com
covered table in a government-provided apartment kitchen, and carefully threaded a piece of nylon cord between the barrel and the magazine tube of a rusty blue Mossberg pump shotgun, and tied it into a messy knot around the latter. He then pulled out some slack, and tied the other end around the shotgun’s stock in an equally childish knot. Then finally, he began to load 12-gauge doubleaught buckshot rounds into its magazine tube with forefinger and thumb until it couldn’t hold another, and even then, racked a round into its barrel so he could admit one more. He was ready. Shotgun in hand, he left his home and walked up to his chariot: A 1997 Vespa. It was 125ccs of pure vengeance, and painted a sparkling gold to make sure there was no mistake as to who was approaching. And carrying an excess of 300 pounds of angry 58-year-old man, as with a startled porcupine, cat, or puffer fish… there would be no mistaking his intent. He threw the shotgun over his head and the strap held it to his back, rolls of fat protruding through the front of his T-shirt around it, holding it securely as he mounted up and rode. Henry Johnson had been wronged, you see; and there was to be a reckoning. He buzzed south on Dodson Avenue, his chariot of justice sounding like a hamster mating with a sewing machine. People watched as he drove past, 12-gauge shotgun strapped over his back with a piece of plastic rope across his chest, and a stiff, 20-mile-per-hour breeze blowing his hair back…then they went back to what they were doing. (Nothing.) Given a few more hours of thought the witnesses may have suspected him to be up to no good, but the distance to his target was as short as his temper and they converged at the unfortunate target at the same time. And so Henry dismounted, and started (in his mind) getting God’s work done…at the Dodson Avenue Apartments.
He found the unit in question and while there is some speculation as to whether or not he knocked first, he for damn sure made entry by taking rough aim at the deadbolt, and blowing the locks off the apartment door. The residents took note, and with no doubts (unlike the prior question of knocking) “shagged ass” to the furthermost bedroom and one by one shot out of the closest window onto the lawn like Wile E. Coyote off a cliff, but to relative safety instead of to the bottom of a cliff. Henry made entry as the last shoe was clearing a windowsill out back, and he immediately took offense to the 50-inch projection-screen television that greeted him; so one would assume anyway, since he blew a hole in the middle of it. So satisfying was the shot, he directed his next shot to the older 26-inch television that was stacked upon the first TV. (It’s an East Chattanooga thing.) Then Henry went from room to room, kicking each door down and prepared (as indicated by his amazing entrance) to pump round after round into those who had wronged him. Door after door fell to his Pumas, and to his disgust he ultimately found no one to shoot at, and he left the building, where he once again slung his boomstick and re-mounted his golden Vespa to go back home…his job incomplete, though his message was delivered in its entirety. At which time he was met by half-a-dozen cops who executed a rare “Vespa Felony Take-Down” without further complication. Know two things: The “wrong” Henry experienced was being left holding the bag (literally) while shoplifting. They were his ride, and they ditched him upon seeing security intercept him. That’s it. That’s what caused this. Second…know that this is completely true, and not as uncommon as you would think. It’s a stranger town than you think, folks. Be thankful it is policed by (occasionally) Strange Cops.
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Life in the Noog
By Chuck Crowder
After Midnight... D
“When the old alarm clock goes off, I’m like a two year old suddenly awakened from a mid-day nap— cranky, sleepy and disturbed. I can’t speak before a few sips of coffee.” Chuck Crowder is a local writer and general man about town. His opinions are just that. Everything expressed is loosely based on fact, and crap he hears people talking about. Take what you just read with a grain of salt, but pepper it in your thoughts. And be sure to check out his popular website thenoog.com
uring my preteen years, I remember my mom always saying that “nothing good ever happens after midnight.” However, as soon as I got my freedom card, otherwise known as a driver’s license, I quickly figured out that her pre-emptive mind games were meant to “keep me out of trouble”— which is mom-speak for “keep me from having fun.” Since then, it has become my nature to be somewhat of a night owl. I’m a true scholar of the social studies that happen after dark. It’s only when the work day is over and people are hanging out with a libation in hand that they let their hair down and actually become “themselves.” Some more than others. For example, they say “a drunken girl’s words are a sober girl’s thoughts.” Truer words have never been spoken. After some girls have poured a few “somethin’ n’ somethin’s” down their throats, they’ll sing like a bird about how they feel about this, that and the other. A girl will admit she’s always wanted to do blank, nobody knows this but she’s done blank, she’s always liked you, she’s never liked her, she spontaneously combusts into dance, flashes her girls, loses her purse and then passes out in the passenger seat of your car. If you are a seasoned nighttime professional, this phenomenon can be a very annoying trait of the opposite sex. Therefore, you tend to lean towards girls
that can actually hang into the wee hours of the morning and stay on your same buzz wavelength. Prized by the male species, “party girls” truly know the fun that can happen after midnight. One of my favorite things to do is go see live music, and it seems that none of it ever happens before midnight. Musicians and bar owners are definitely working on a different internal clock than the rest of us because to them, there’s no such thing as a “school night.” For example, a couple of weeks ago I went to see this great band from Austin called Harlem play at JJ’s Bohemia. I knew it was going to be a late night, and sure enough the band I wanted to see didn’t go on until 1:15 a.m…on a Tuesday. You heard right, a Tuesday night. But let me tell you something, as anticipated, it was an amazing show and definitely worth staying up for, way past midnight. These kinds of events happen fairly often, so you have to adapt to the nighttime hours as if you were doing shift work at some nitroglycerin plant where you have to be on your toes all night. There are a few techniques (sans drugs) that work to help keep you alert when you want to be alert and alleviate some of the grogginess that goes along with random sleep patterns. One tried and true method is the “disco nap.” Likely invented around the turn of the late '70s, when young New York ladder climbers wanted to boogie all night, the disco nap divides daily sleep into two distinct subsets of slumber. Knowing things don’t heat up ‘til after midnight, day jobbers
often use the evening hours to get some shut eye prior to going out. Home by six, frozen dinner, couch nap from seven ‘til ten, get up, shower, dress, out by eleven, home by three or four, one more nap, and then up at seven to get ready for work. Even with such tactics, being a night owl definitely means that I’m not a morning person. That’s for the birds. When the old alarm clock goes off, I’m like a two year old suddenly awakened from a mid-day nap— cranky, sleepy and disturbed. I can’t speak before a few sips of coffee and being “on” for any sort of meeting or presentation is nearly out of the question prior to 10 a.m. Let me get some lunch first. Weekend days aren’t a problem. In fact, I haven’t seen the good side of noon on a Saturday or Sunday since junior high school. I even DVR one of my favorite shows, CBS Sunday Morning, so by the time I watch it, it’s CBS Sunday Evening, or CBS Tuesday Afternoon. That’s because my “morning” routine on the weekends usually revolves around A) getting some coffee and B) finding my car or bicycle. If I rode my bike to the bar, I can pick it up the next morning in my truck, and vice versa. Or, there’s always the “shuttle of shame.” Climbing aboard the free electric shuttle in sunglasses and the stinky clothes from the night before is the perfect way to ride the streets looking for your missing car as the tourists alongside you check their maps for someplace to see the sights, well before midnight.
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Arts & Entertainment
By Michael Crumb
Figuring It Out—and In
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here’s a sense of excitement around the current visiting artists show at the Cress Gallery at UTC Fine Arts. Figurative paintings by Rose Freymuth-Frazier and Michael Vasquez pose strikingly in all directions. Attitudes and emotions emerge from these fine paintings, emphasizing the complexity of contemporary human existence. Vasquez and Freymuth-Frazier are professional artists. Vasquez resides in Miami, though he has shown at the recent Armory Show in New York City. Freymuth-Frazier resides in New York City. Vasquez’s work focuses on male figures, often gang members, in urban settings. FreymuthFrazier depicts beautiful women, but the beauty of her subjects is augmented by elements that emphasize difficult depths of consciousness. I’ve heard comments from people ranging from “powerful” to “interesting”, with an enthusiastic ring. I’ve wanted to spend time with these paintings because there’s a great deal to appreciate. There’s also an aspect of polarization/complementary to this show as a whole.
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Men with strong emotional presence inhabit urban territories. Women emerge from framed space, often alluring, but always deep, their consciousness of self rendered with serious facility. Of the paintings hung by Freymuth-Frazier, many feature faces with upper torsos augmented with elements meant to represent an allegorical whole. The term “allegorical” suggests a kind of didacticism, a specific message, and such messages may be deciphered from the “narratives” contained in these figures. In here artist’s statement, Freymuth-Frazier refers to details or props as “masculine qualities,” such as duct tape or handcuffs. But this isn’t always the case, since there are props more feminine as well, such as vases and jewelry. Also, her “backgrounds are voids,” but often rich in color tones, and this forces viewers’ attention on the figures themselves. I am reminded of an earlier 20th-century slogan: “Beauty is not enough.” The work to render a complex consciousness of a subject is essentially surreal. The piece that her show is named for, “Whispering Sisters” (oil on linen, 2007), shows women connected with handcuffs, while complementary vases stand behind them. A single gloved hand conceals a whisper—some kind of incitement? The whole shows a sense of relatedness, maybe some malice. There is provocation and suggestion. The value of Freymuth-Frazier’s work lies in both her execution of her subjects’ beautiful qualities, and in her presentation of conscious depths. I was reminded of Helene Cixous’s novel Angst, which attempted to present a feminine subjectivity. Subtexts of these paintings range from the erotic to the anti-erotic, from the ‘marking” of women by men, to the fetishistic. Such suggestions may be emphasized by variation in the eyes of her subjects, sometimes clear, sometimes dark. Her subjects attain a palpable presence, enhanced by a sure use of color and a
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strong sense of texture. Michael Vasquez’s work appears aggressive because his pieces are emotionally charged. I am reminded of early Expressionist artists’ self-portraits, where paint serves diverse purposes. Vasquez’s rendering of detail impresses; the texture of concrete or of wood emerges from precision. Most of these works flow from a point of view that experiences these figures as both imminent and familiar, masculine energy expressed through many emotions. His diptych “The New Red Carpet” shows emotional phases, the figure projecting a sense of mood. Both these paintings have expressionist backgrounds that indicate intensity. Here dynamic presentation engages the viewer with questions. Red dominates, but one finds earth and wood tones as well. Vasquez’s “Untitled” painting (acrylic on paper, 2007) uses thick paint to render a tactile depth. This is fine work. Many of his paintings feature foregrounded strokes, as if they are extensions of masculine power. A number of his subjects take powerful poses, sometimes guarding a space, sometimes sharing it, while others present a sense of contemplation. These paintings all possess dynamic energy in their execution with precise details and emotional strokes that impart vitality. Both these artists present provocative work, and it remains a credit to the Cress Gallery for bringing such work to Chattanooga. See these paintings for the benefit to both your eyes and your mind. Please also remember that this excellent visiting artist series continues with support from the John and Diane Marek family.
“Whispering Sisters” and “What Comes With the Territory” Cress Gallery at UTC Fine Arts Building, Vine and Palmetto Sts. Through October 12 (423) 304-9789, oneweb.utc.edu/~artdept/cressgallery
A&E Calendar Highlights Friday
Thursday
The Fantasticks! World’s longest-running musical takes a romantic bow at the CTC. $10-$20 8 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, Main Stage, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.com
Send your calendar events to us at calendar@chattanoogapulse.com
Chattanooga Market Thursday Plaza Party 11 a.m. Miller Plaza, 850 Market St. www.chattanoogamarket.com Stephen Rolfe Powell Live 6 p.m. Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944. www.huntermuseum.org Flicks Café: The Big Heat 6:30 p.m. Chattanooga-Hamilton County Bicentennial Library, 1001 Broad St. (423) 757-5310. www.lib.chattanooga.gov Opening Reception: “Their World” 6:30 p.m. River Gallery, 400 E. 2nd St. (423) 265-5033. www.river-gallery.com The Mystery of the TV Talk Show 7 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. www.funnydinner.com The Learned Ladies 8 p.m. Sanderson Hall Auditorium at Covenant College, 14049 Scenic Hwy. (706) 419-1051. www.covenant.edu/theatre James Johann 8 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233.
Reception for “Cosmic Abberation” Screen-art prints of Johnny Sampson. Free 6 – 9 p.m. Leo Handmade Gallery, 22 Frazier Ave. www.weareyoungmonster.com
Saturday
CSO presents “Classical Mystery Tour: A Tribute to the Beatles” This program has been performed around the world to rave reviews. $19-$79 8 p.m. Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad St. (423) 267-8583. www.chattanoogasymphony.org
Friday Morning Art Therapy Group 10 a.m. Rivoli Art Mill, 2301 East 28th St. (423) 322-2514. www.jasmilam.com Chattanooga RiverRocks 2 p.m. Various locations. www.RiverRocksChattanooga.com The Learned Ladies 2:30 p.m. Sanderson Hall Auditorium at Covenant College, 14049 Scenic Hwy. (706) 419-1051. 3 Sisters Bluegrass Festival 5 p.m. Ross’s Landing Park, Riverfront Pkwy. www.3sistersbluegrass.com Opening Reception: “Cosmic Abberation” 6 p.m. Leo Handmade Gallery, 22 Frazier Ave. leogallery.blogspot.com Free Film Night 6:30 p.m. Crabtree Farms, 1000 East 30th St. (423) 493-9155. www.crabtreefarm.org A Little Bit of Country & Rockn-Roll 7:30 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-5000.
James Johann 7:30, 10 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. Endgame 7:30 p.m. Ensemble Theatre of Chattanooga, 1918 Union Ave. (423) 987-5141. ensembletheatreofchattanooga.com Wiley and the Hairy Man/Hansel and Gretel 7:30 p.m. The Colonnade Center, 264 Catoosa Cir., Ringgold, GA. (706) 935-9000. www.colonnadecenter.org Bridge to Terabithia 7:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. Dead Man’s Cell Phone 7:30 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center, corner of Vine St & Palmetto St. (423) 425-4269. Fiddler on the Roof 8 p.m. Memorial Auditorium, 399 McCallie Ave. (423) 757-5156. www.chattanooga.gov The Fantasticks! 8 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.com
Sunday Chattanooga RiverRocks 8:30 a.m. Various locations. www.RiverRocksChattanooga.com Chattanooga River Market 10 a.m. Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (800) 265-0695. www.tnaqua.org Brainerd Farmers Market 10 a,m. Grace Episcopal Church (parking lot), 20 Belvoir Ave. at Brainerd Rd. Go! Fest 10 a.m. Chattanooga Zoo, 301 North Holtzclaw Ave. www.chattzoo.org 21st Annual Autumn Children’s Festival 10 a.m. Tennessee Riverpark, Amnicola Hwy. (423) 778-4300. www.rmhchattanooga.com Family Fun Day 11 a.m. Crabtree Farms, 1000 East 30th St. (423) 493-9155. www.crabtreefarm.org Mosaic Market 11 a.m. 412 Market St. (corner of 4th/Market). (423) 624-3915 Art Til Dark Noon. Northshore. (423) 413-8999. arttildark.wordpress.com
3 Sisters Bluegrass Festival Noon. Ross’s Landing Park, Riverfront Pkwy. www.3sistersbluegrass.com 27th Annual Grape Stomp 12 p.m. Georgia Winery, 6469 Battlefield Pkwy., Ringgold, GA. (706) 937-2177. Endgame 2 p.m. Ensemble Theatre of Chattanooga, 1918 Union Ave. (423) 987-5141. The Learned Ladies 2:30 p.m. Sanderson Hall at Covenant College, 14049 Scenic Hwy. (706) 419-1051. www.covenant.edu/theatre. Wine Over Water 5 p.m. Walnut Street Bridge. www.cornerstonesinc.org “Paradise Lost” Closing Reception 6 p.m. Asher Love Studio and Gallery, 3914 St. Elmo Ave., Ste. G. (423) 822-0289. asherlovegallery.blogspot.com Boardwalk Bash 7 p.m. Chattanooga Convention Center, 1150 Carter St. (423) 629-1098.
First Free Sunday at the Hunter Fabulous chance to see fabulous glass at the Hunter. Free Noon – 5 p.m. Hunter Museum, 10 Bluff View (423) 267-0968. www.huntermuseum.org
Chattanooga Market 11 a.m. First Tennessee Pavilion, 1826 Carter St. (423) 266-4041. www.chattanoogamarket.com 21st Annual Autumn Children’s Festival 1 p.m. Tennessee Riverpark, Amnicola Hwy. (423) 778-4300. www.rmhchattanooga.com Drumline 2 p.m. Finley Stadium, 1826 Carter St. (423) 265-9494. www.power94.com Bill Brown/Southern Lights Poetry Reading 2 p.m. Winder Binder Gallery, 40 Frazier Ave. (423) 413-8999. Nicholas Winton: The Power of Good 2 p.m. Jewish Cultural Center, 5461 N. Terrace. (423) 493-0270. Bridge to Terabithia 2:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. The Fantasticks! 2:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.com
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A&E Calendar Highlights Monday Chattanooga RiverRocks 7:30 a.m. Various Locations. www.RiverRocksChattanooga.com Live Team Trivia 6 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5840 Lake Resort Terr. (423) 870-0770. www.chattanoogatrivia.com Speak Easy: Spoken Word and Poetry 8 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. www.facebook.com/theofficechatt “Flavors of Tuscany” by Cam Busch North River Civic Center, 1009 Executive Dr. Ste. 102. (423) 870-8924. “Americana-Freedom” Juried Exhibition Shuptrine Fine Art Group, 2646 Broad St. (423) 266-4453. “Butterfly Handled Tea Paraphernalia” Houston Museum of Decorative Arts, 201 High St. (423) 267-7176. “Whispering Sisters and the Female Figurative Image” UTC Cress Gallery of Art, 752 Vine St. (423) 304-9789.
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Tuesday Chattanooga RiverRocks 7:30 a.m. Various locations. www.RiverRocksChattanooga.com Nicely Walking Tour: Irish Hill Noon. Hamilton County Courthouse Lawn. (423) 265-3247. Carl Hurley and Jeanne Robertson 2 p.m. Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad St. (423) 757-5050. www.chattanooga.gov Flicks Café: Classic Horror Films 6:30 p.m. Chattanooga-Hamilton County Bicentennial Library, 1001 Broad St. (423) 757-5310. www.lib.chattanooga.gov George T. Hunter Lecture Series: Malcolm Gladwell 7 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center, Corner of Vine and Palmetto St. www.benwood.org “What Comes With the Territory” UTC Cress Gallery of Art, 752 Vine St. (423) 304-9789. Local Artists Exhibit Reflections Gallery, Eastgate Town Center, 5600 Brainerd Rd. (423) 892-3072.
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Wednesday Chattanooga RiverRocks 7:30 a.m. Various locations. www.RiverRocksChattanooga.com Main Street Farmers Market 4 p.m. Main St. at Williams St. www.mainstfarmersmarket.com Dead Man’s Cell Phone 7:30 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center, corner of Vine St & Palmetto St. (423) 425-4269. SE Funny People Search V 8 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com “Their World” River Gallery, 400 E. 2nd St. (423) 265-5033. 1 Year Anniversary Exhibition My Color Image Boutique and Gallery, 330 Frazier Ave. (423) 598-6202. “Street Art” The Arts Center, Athens, TN. (423) 745-8781. Stephen Rolfe Powell Glass Exhibition Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944.
Editor’s Pick: Featured Event Of The Week
The Girl Who Played With Fire Eagerly anticipated sequel to The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, based on the worldwide bestselling novels. For showtimes, contact www.carmike.com Carmike Majestic 12, 311 Broad St. www.artsedcouncil.org
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The Pulse 2010 Halloween Guide
The Haunted Cavern Is Alive! It’s Alive! Everyone has seen that one zombie movie that left all the hairs on your arm standing at attention as if they were in boot camp. There’s always that one horror movie that has you covering your eyes and ears during the unbearable scenes, hoping that the world will still be there once it’s over. After watching a scene where the Undead run rampant across the front lawn of someone’s grandmother’s house, the mind is on edge. And after watching that grandmother turn into a zombie herself, somebody could have a heart attack. Now— imagine this happening in real life. In the Haunted Cavern at Ruby Falls, real life and horror fiction have collided to form something far from the ordinary zombie sketch. There is an array of flesh-eating creatures lurking in the shadows, as Lookout Mountain is transformed into Hannibal Hill, a small town that has been recently hit by the Cerberus virus. As the story goes, the virus was spread through the town’s water system after a chemical spillage contaminated it. Residents began to show symptoms of mutation and cannibalism. A range of zombies have taken over Hannibal Hill. From least to most dangerous, they’re grouped as Infectids, Carrions, Scourges,
and Sliders. The town’s Dr. G. Wenzel describes the course of the virus by saying, “The Cerberus virus works by traveling through the bloodstream, working its way from the point of contact to the brain, where it completely eradicates the brain tissue.” But the Haunted Cavern’s savage zombies aren’t the only things to worry about this Halloween season. “Half of Ruby Falls’ haunt is underground in a cave, and there’s no place else like that here,” said Karen Baker, senior director of marketing for Ruby Falls and Rock City. Now, not only are you trying to dodge Infectids and Carrions, you have to do it while walking through a nearly pitch-black cave. “It will be an over-the-top haunt, as usual,” Baker said. After its grand opening this past Saturday, Ruby Falls will host the Haunted Cavern every Friday and Saturday in October. It will also open on the last two Thursdays and Sundays of October. The haunt begins at 8 p.m. and typically lasts until 11 p.m. You can either buy tickets online for $20 at www.hauntedcavern.com, or at the door for $22. Make sure you bring comfortable clothes for the hike—and your best Jamie Lee Curtis scream. — Reginald Owens
Halloween Events, Haunted Houses and Trunk or Treats Halloween Events Hamilton Place Mall Free Mall Trick or Treating 2100 Hamilton Place Blvd, Chattanooga. October 31, 6 p.m. www.hamiltonplace.com Bradley Square Mall Free Mall Trick or Treating 200 Paul Huff Parkway NW, Cleveland. October 31, 6 p.m. www.shopbradleysquare.com Northgate Mall Malloween 271 Northgate Mall, Chattanooga. October 30, 3 p.m. – 5 p.m. www.visitnorthgatemall.com
Spooky Days @ Creative Discovery Museum 321 Chesnut Street, Chattanooga. October 30, 3 p.m. Storytellers at 1 p.m. and 3 p.m. Admission: $10.95 www.cdmfun.org Boneyard Boogie – Halloween Party Friday, October 29, at 8 p.m. through October 31 at 3 a.m. Collective Visions Event Hall 1925 Rossville Ave., Chattanooga. $20 Advance; $30 2 Day Pass; $25 Day of Show per day www.tinyurl.com/2c44htq Classic Horror Films October 5 - Buffy the Vampire
Slayer episodes “Hush” & “Once More With Feeling.” Public Library, 1001 Broad St., Chattanooga. (423) 757-5310 lib.chattanooga.gov
Thursday: 9 a.m. - 6:30 p.m. Friday: 9 a.m. - 6 p.m. Saturday: 10:30 a.m. - 6 p.m. Sunday: Noon - 6:30 p.m. 271 Chattanooga Valley Road, Flintstone, GA. www.enchantedmaze.com
Haunted Houses Haunted Carnevil: Vampire Nation $20 (includes mini golf and other treats) Fridays and Saturdays in October, Doors open at 7 p.m. 5918 Brainerd Road, Chattanooga. www.sirgoonys.com Enchanted Maize $9 Adults, $7 Kids Thursdays – Sundays in October
Haunted Barn $15 (coupon on website) Fridays and Saturdays in October 7 p.m. - Midnight 5107 McDonald Road, Mcdonald, TN. thehauntedbarnchattanooga.com Haunted Hilltop $15 all ages Fridays and Saturdays in October 7 p.m. – 1 a.m. 8235 Highway 58, Harrison. www.thehauntedhilltop.com
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The Pulse 2010 Halloween Guide
Civil War Spirits Invade Rock City Rock City is taking its stand as a Halloween powerhouse this year, boasting two separate haunts at its Blowing Screams Farms event. Ordinarily called Blowing Springs Farms during the off-season, this event has brought something new to All Hallows Eve with both the Forest of Fear and the Ghost Ride. What makes a haunted house scary range across a number of things. There are the monsters that jump out from a hallway’s dark corner, and then there are those unreliable lights that start flickering when you walk into a forbidden room. There’s only one problem. No matter how creative and eccentric the frights may be, you know that the exit is always straight ahead. Most haunted houses have a set trail that you have to follow from beginning to end—but the Forest of Fear’s path is completely autonomous. “It’s a choose-your-own-fate haunted house,” said Will Jackson, head of productions for Bowling Screams Farms. “You as a guest get to choose where you go. You can walk down a hallway and choose to go to a door on the left or on the right. That’s a new thing that we’re trying this year and I think it will be really interesting.” Apart from the new “choose-your-own-fate” element, the Forest of Fear has added a 165-year-old house to the equation. Formerly a hospital during the Civil War, the house’s history has never completely been revealed. The rumors surrounding it set up the residence to be the perfect
haunted house. “It has a long history of hauntings. There have been a lot of stories about them storing bodies down there during the Civil War when folks passed way during surgery,” Jackson said. With that said, it’s almost a given that there will be ghosts prowling about the corridors, surely waiting to be encountered by the visitors this Halloween. If you hadn’t already gotten enough torment from the haunts of the Civil War’s past, Bowling Screams Farms also offers the Ghost Ride. This hayride take you right through the middle of a 150-year-old battle with General Maeham and The Ghost Riders. This Civil War re-enactment includes black powder guns, cannons, and most of all—ghosts. On top of the terrorizing, there will be entertainment and activities throughout the farm, including food and live rock bands. Also, Georgiana C. Kotarski, author of Ghosts of the Southern Tennessee Valley, will be on site telling ghost stories. The entire Blowing Screams Farm is open to the public every Friday and Saturday of October, and the hauntings generally start at 7 p.m. and last as long as they need to. Separately, Forest of Fear tickets cost $15 and Ghost Ride tickets cost $10, but if you buy the combo package for both it only costs $20. You can also save on sales tax if you purchase your tickets online at www.blowingscreamsfarm.com. — Reginald Owens
Halloween Events, Haunted Houses and Trunk or Treats (cont.) Massacre on Meighan $20 Every Thursday - Sunday Doors open at 7 p.m. on Fridays and Saturdays 7 p.m. – 10 p.m. on Thursdays and Sundays 1404 Cowart St, Chattanooga. www.massacreonmeighan.com Blowing Screams Farm Forest of Fear - $15 Ghost Ride - $10 (Both for $20) Fridays and Saturdays in October Doors open at 7 p.m. 271 Chattanooga Valley Road, Flintstone, GA. www.blowingscreamsfarm.com
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Ruby Falls Haunted Cavern $22 at the door, ($20 online) September 25; October: 1, 2, 8, 9, 15-17, 21-24, 28-31 8 p.m. – 11 p.m. 1720 South Scenic Highway, Chattanooga. www.hauntedcavern.com Lodge of Fear $5 on October 8 $10 every night after October 8, 9, 15, 16, 22, 23, 29, 30 (Every Friday and Saturday after first weekend of October) 8 p.m. – Midnight Masonic Lodge, 1500 Dodds Ave., Chattanooga. lodgehaunt.moonfruit.com
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House of Horrors $10 Every Friday and Saturday in October, also on Halloween. 7 p.m. – Midnight (10 p.m. on Sundays) 140 Edwards Street, Cleveland. www.wewillscareyou.com
October 31 from 5 p.m. – 7 p.m. (while treats last)
Trunk or Treats
Red Bank United Methodist Church 3800 Dayton Blvd, Chattanooga. October 31 from 3 p.m. - 4:30 p.m. (while treats last)
Jones Memorial Church 4131 Ringgold Road, Chattanooga. October 27 from 6:30 p.m. until all the candy is gone. Chattanooga Valley Baptist 90 Nickajack Lane, Flintstone, GA.
St. Mark United Methodist 701 Mississippi Avenue, Chattanooga, TN October 31 from 5 p.m. until all the candy is gone.
Trinity Lutheran Church 5001 Hixson Pike, Hixson Oct. 29 from 5:30 p.m. - 7:30pm (while treats last)
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The Pulse • Dining Out Spotlight
Music and Meals In Harmony at Station House by D. E. Langley Since opening in 1973, the Station House Restaurant has become something of an institution. Many Chattanoogans have fond memories of birthday parties, anniversaries, and graduations celebrated in its dimly lit dining room, all set to the soundtrack of the oft-lauded “Singing Servers.” But not this guy. Being a recent transplant, I knew little to nothing of the Station House other than those “Singing Servers.” Images of chain-restaurant employees clapping and singing “Happy Birthday” while marching from the kitchen with a diminutive slice of birthday cake filled my head. It was time for me to find out what all the fuss was about. Thankfully, those conjured images of an offkey chain gang couldn’t have been further from reality. As I surveyed the brick walls, adorned with artwork evoking the history of the setting, I was suddenly astounded by the music coming from the spotlight. The 16 servers at the Station House, it turns out, need more than the requisite table-waiting skills—each must audition to earn their spot on the staff. Performing renditions of crowd-pleasers dating from the 1940s to the present, the servers quite literally take center stage, deftly balancing their musical numbers on one hand and their tables on the other. The vintage quality of the surroundings befits the menu, which brings to mind classic steakhouse cuisine without being too staid. Appetizers include Grouper Fingers, a Spinach Artichoke Dip, and my choice, Breaded HalfMoon Mozzarella. Entrees ranged from thick, beautiful slices of prime rib to Pork Chops with Bourbon Sauce, and from baby back ribs
to Grilled Chicken Forestiere. There’s also a nightly special, which was a Cajun-style Grilled Tilapia when I visited. The pick that drew my eye, though, was the Sirloin and Shrimp. All entrees come with unlimited trips to the salad and shrimp bar. After a fresh salad, the peel-and-eat shrimp were a delightful prelude to the rest of my meal. After delivering my appetizer to the table, my server grabbed the microphone and serenaded the birthday party a few tables over, showing off a bit, as any good performer should. The app did the same. The mozzarella semicircles were huge and fresh out of the fryer, making me take the knife and fork approach, perhaps a first for me and fried cheese. The crisp Romano breading and chunky marinara that accompanied it were great. Then came the entrée—the seared sirloin placed alongside three beautifully fried
plump shrimp with a mound of garlic mashed potatoes. As I savored alternating bites of my medium-rare steak and the creamy potatoes, I watched the children at the table next to me dance along with the music. Tasting my shrimp made me want to do the same. The light, crunchy batter was delicious! Only my forthcoming dessert kept me from ordering a batch to take home with me. I was truly glad I didn’t miss dessert. The multi-layered Reese’s Peanut Butter Pie was decadent beyond belief, a stupendous and appropriate finish to the meal. The smooth, luscious filling was studded with chocolate chips and topped with chocolate syrup and an opulent peanut butter cream. While I wasn’t celebrating a special occasion myself, I can certainly see why the Station House has become a ritual for so many of our city’s residents. It’s not just a meal accompanied by singing waiters. It’s an experience, one that is comfortingly timeless—a sure reason for the restaurant’s longevity. The festive atmosphere is appropriate and entertaining for guests of all ages. The multiple special occasions celebrated there each night are a testament to that fact. Whether you’re hosting a Christmas party or a congregation of coworkers, an engagement dinner or just a family night out, the Station House provides a lively atmosphere and a delicious dinner that everyone can enjoy. The Station House Restaurant, Chattanooga Choo Choo, 1400 Market Street. Open Tuesday - Saturday, 6 p.m. to 10 p.m. Call (423) 308-2481. Reservations recommended.
www.chattanoogapulse.com | September 30, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 39 | The Pulse
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Film Feature
Time to Play With Fire W
By Phillip Johnston
“The Girl Who Played With Fire is a more detailed look into Lisbeth Salander, the heroine who, even after the credits rolled at end of the first film, continued to remain intensely mysterious.”
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hen the first installment in Stieg Larsson’s “Millennium” trilogy of books was released in 2005 after the author’s death in 2004, no one expected the thriller triptych to see such wild success. The series is an anomaly: three books— The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, The Girl Who Played with Fire, and The Girl Who Kicked the Hornets’ Nest—translated across borders from their original Swedish, and selling an estimated 40 million copies worldwide. You’ll find Larsson’s books in Barnes & Noble, in airports, and on beaches. They’ve captured imaginations all over the world with their page-turning dark mystery, all wrapped in the character of Lisbeth Salander—an enigmatic, troubled, master hacker with a dark past and a veritable magnet for attracting men with horrific misogynistic tendencies (the original title of Larsson’s The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo was Men Who Hate Women). The three novels in Larsson’s “Millennium” trilogy have been rushed into movie production even quicker than the “Harry Potter” films. Judging form the quality of The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo film released this summer, the quick turnaround has done little to hinder their quality as thrilling pieces
The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 39 | September 30, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com
of cinema. The first film, with a run time of nearly three hours, was a probing thriller that only gave way to convention in its final 20 minutes. We saw Lisbeth at work, but only caught fleeting glimpses of a personal history that is gradually revealed as the trilogy progresses. The films adapted from Larsson’s books are made in Sweden and kept in their original language, though American remakes are, of course, in the works. The Girl with The Dragon Tattoo was directed by Niels Arden Oplev and The Girl Who Played With Fire (this week’s selection in The Arts and Education Council’s Independent Film Series) is directed by Daniel Alfredson, who came to the series without much warning. “It was pure coincidence that I read the manuscript of Stieg Larsson’s first book before it was published,” says the director in the film’s press kit. “I consider Lisbeth Salander a contemporary fairy tale heroine and know that Stieg Larsson had read Pippi Longstocking by Astrid Lindgren as inspiration. I imagine that he wondered how Pippi would be in the 21st century.” Still, if you haven’t met Lisbeth Salander, don’t bring the kids for your first meeting. In The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, Lisbeth, with the help of journalist Mikael Blomkvist, unearthed a prickly web of racist killings at the hands of a family of wealthy Swedish capitalists. In The Girl Who Played With Fire, Lisbeth is now a suspect in the murder of two journalists working for Blomkvist’s publication who were killed after exposing an extensive sex -trafficking operation between Eastern Europe and Sweden. It’s not light fare, but it’s territory that Stieg
Larsson knew well. He spent 20 years working at the Swedish news bureau TT and was a journalist and editor-in-chief at the Swedish magazine Expo. Additionally, he was one of the world’s leading experts on right-wing extremism and Nazi movements, the latter of which figures prominently into the first installment of his trilogy. The Girl Who Played With Fire is a more detailed look into Lisbeth Salander, the heroine who, even after the credits rolled at end of the first film, continued to remain intensely mysterious. In the Swedish film adaptations she is played by Noomi Rapace. “Lisbeth is a human being who’s suffered a lot,” says Rapace, who has already taken home Sweden’s equivalent of an Oscar for the role. “She needed to create her own world, her own set of rules, as the ones that exist haven’t helped her. She’s always been completely alone in her world; outside it she’s been vulnerable. Lisbeth has locked away her emotions, her heart, to protect herself. Everything inside her is deeply rooted, and once she’s let someone in she’s incredibly faithful and loyal. She will fight to the death for what she believes in.” And fight she does. The Girl Who Played With Fire is playing for a week at The Majestic, but do catch up on the beginning of the story on DVD with The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. The Girl Who Kicked The Hornet’s Nest, the final film in the trilogy, will be released in theatrically later this year.
The Girl Who Played With Fire Directed by Daniel Alfredson Starring Noomi Rapace, Michael Nyqvist, Sofia Ledarp Rated R Running time: 2 hours, 9 minutes
www.chattanoogapulse.com | September 30, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 39 | The Pulse
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Spirits Within
By Joshua Hurley
Sauvignon Blanc: Make Mine Maori
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Last week’s ‘”Great Buy” brought us an economically sound red wine by Castle Rock. This week, we cover the other side of the spectrum with a white. Great Buys is where Riley’s Wine and Spirits on Hixson Pike in Hixson picks something special from a large selection of wine and spirits from around the globe and shares it with Chattanooga’s readership of The Pulse. This week’s selection is the sauvignon blanc from New Zealand, Kono. New Zealand has produced wines since 1819, but it wasn’t until the mid-1960s that the world began to take notice. It was then that local wine growers planted seedlings of European grape varieties such as cabernet sauvignon, chardonnay and sauvignon blanc. Soon after, because of New Zealand’s climate, they realized they had greater success with white wine. Today, wines made from grapes grown in the Marlborough growing region, an area located in the northernmost part of South Island, are among some of the most sought-after white wines in the world (New Zealand consists of North and South Islands). Kono Wines of New Zealand chooses only the very best grapes grown in Marlborough, New Zealand’s premium growing region. Kono wines pay tribute The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 39 | September 30, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com
to the Maori, New Zealand’s original indigenous people, and their centuriesold tradition as guardians of the land and sea. The Maori would journey to the sea to gather fish, shrimp and shellfish, returning home to camp with “konos” full of nourishment. “Kono” in Maori means “food basket”. Kono Wines is New Zealand’s only Maori-owned food and beverage company. Kono Sauvignon Blanc 2009 is cultivated with knowledge handed down from generation to generation. This, combined with European winemaking techniques, makes for one unique sauvignon blanc. Marlborough’s climate offers intense sunshine along with cool nights, allowing for an extended growing season. This gives the sauvignon blanc grape an intense citrus flavor, with gooseberry and passion fruit tagging along to deepen its overall character. Kono Sauvignon Blanc has a more intense fruit burst than most, followed by a clean, acidic finish. Like most great New Zealand sauvignon blancs, Kono is silky smooth and pairs wonderfully with seafood. Riley’s offers this 90-rated Wine Spectator wine for only $10.99 plus tax while supplies last.
www.chattanoogapulse.com | September 30, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 39 | The Pulse
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Free Will Astrology LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): “Everything is dreamed first,” wrote French poet Gilbert Trolliet. French philosopher Gaston Bachelard agreed, adding, “Creative reverie animates the nerves of the future.” Your task in the coming weeks, Libra, is to act on those clues: Conjure up pictures in your mind that foreshadow the life you want to be living next year. Proceed on the assumption that you now have extraordinary power to generate self-fulfilling prophecies. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): You know me: I hate to sound sensationalistic. But in honor of this dramatic moment in your story, I’ll risk it. So be alert! Heads up! Get real! A pivotal moment is upon you! What you do in the coming dayss will ultimately determine how you will interpret the entire past year, shaping the contours of your history for better or worse! I advise maximum integrity! I suggest thorough preparation! I urge timely action! Decisions should come from the roots, not the surface! Climaxes should be mediated by the heart and head together, not just one or the other! SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): You are ever so close to coming all the way home. For months you have been edging toward this welcoming source, and now you’re almost there. I’m not sure about the specific details. Maybe it means you’ll soon be in the place where your potentials will finally ripen. Perhaps you’re ready to make peace with your past or accept your family members exactly as they are. It’s possible you’ve found your ideal tribe or community, and are ready to integrate your uniqueness with its special blend of energies. Who knows? Maybe you’re ready to give yourself completely to the life-changing mission that has been calling and calling and calling you. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): I have good intuition about fate’s general trends, but I don’t think of myself as psychic when it comes to foreseeing specific events. I’ve never been able to predict winning lottery numbers, for example. But lately I’m wondering if that’s changing. I seem to be developing a knack for prognosticating certain sports events. For example, on three occasions I have hallucinated a golden cup floating in mid-air a short time before Albert Pujols, a Capricorn who plays for the St. Louis Cardinals baseball team, hits a homerun. So I wonder what it means that right now, as I’m studying your astrological omens and meditating on your future, I’m flashing on an image of three golden cups filled with champagne. It’s 2:15 in the morning, and the Cardinals aren’t playing. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): The Paws Up resort in Montana offers “glamping,” or glamorous camping. For the right price, you can sleep in a feather bed with fine linens, comfortably ensconced inside a roomy, heated tent that has artwork on the walls. And all the while you’re surrounded by the great outdoors. I’m not specifically suggesting that you go to Paws Up, but I do recommend that you seek an experience that gives you an invigorating dose of raw elegance and untamed sweetness—some situation that allows you to satisfy your animal longing for wildness while at the same time indulging your human yearning for blissful repose. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): When I urge you to salvage and re-use old stuff, I’m not really suggesting that you find a purpose for the elastic from worn-out underwear or empty prescription bottles. That would be fine, but I’m thinking primarily of less literal, more poetic reclamation projects. Like dusting off faded dreams and refitting them with futuristic replacement parts. Or planting an October garden of earthly delights in the compost of July’s and August’s discarded pleasures. Or retooling a relationship that has lost its way, transforming it into a vibrant connection with a new reason for being. ARIES (March 21-April 19): Nine-year-old Fatima Santos told the San Francisco Chronicle her opinions
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The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 39 | September 30, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com
By Rob Brezsny Truthrooster@gmail.com about the movie Toy Story: “If I had to make a movie like this, I would make it funnier. I would make Mr. Potato Head look funnier that he already does. I would put his hair on his legs, his shoes on his head, and his arms on his face. His eyeballs would be on the place where his arms are.” In the coming week, Aries, I advise you to engage in Fatima’s enlightened style of cockeyed thinking. According to my analysis of the astrological omens, you have the power and the mandate to improve pretty much every scenario you’re in by making it less predictable, more rambunctious, and just plain funnier. TAURUS (April 20-May 20): During one phase of my life, I walked a mile five days a week to get to a bus stop. On the last stretch of the journey, I had to pass a shabby house next to a vacant lot. On the porch was a German shepherd, always unchained and in a state of irritation. After some close calls, when his agitated barking propelled him perilously close to me, I arrived upon a technique that settled him down: I sang nursery rhymes and lullabies. “Three Blind Mice” was his favorite, but there were others that also calmed him sufficiently to allow me safe passage. Something comparable may work for you, Taurus, as you navigate past the crabby wretches and twitchy pests and pathetic demons in the coming days. My advice is to shift the energy with a charming bit of innocuous play. Avoid confrontations. GEMINI (May 21-June 20): According to anthropologist Robin Dunbar, it’s impossible for any of us to have more than 150 friends. The human brain literally can’t process the intimate information required to sustain more than that. But if there were superfreaks who could crack that limit, it would be members of the Gemini tribe, especially during the coming weeks. You now have an uncanny ability to cultivate bubbly connections, be extra close to your buddies, and drum up new alliances. CANCER (June 21-July 22): Let’s say I was the director of a grade school play that included outdoor scenes, and you were a student trying out for a part. My inclination would be to offer you the role of the big oak tree, which would be on stage for much of the show but have no spoken lines to deliver. Would you accept my invitation with enthusiasm, and play the part with panache? I realize that on the surface, it may not seem like your performance would be of central importance. But as director I’d hope to be able to draw out of you a vibrant commitment to being steady and rooted. I’d rely on you to provide the strong, reassuring background that would encourage the actors in the foreground to express themselves freely. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): “In times of change, learners inherit the Earth,” wrote philosopher Eric Hoffer, “while the learned find themselves beautifully equipped to deal with a world that no longer exists.” Wouldn’t you prefer to put the emphasis on learning rather than on being learned, Leo? This is a good time to get the hang of that; cosmic rhythms will work in your favor if you do. My advice: Take action to intensify your commitment to education. Seek out new teachings. Think hard about the lessons you want to study in the coming years. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): I was tardy in planting my garden this year—more than two months late. My batch of seedlings didn’t find their way into my patch of dirt until July 2. I humbly apologized to them for my procrastination, then made amends with a tireless campaign to provide them with extraordinary care—organic fertilizer, regular watering, impeccable weeding, steady songs of encouragement. And by September the zucchini were booming, the pumpkins were thriving, the watermelons were unstoppable, and the cucumbers were riffing with abandon. Take inspiration from my example, Virgo. Your plans may have gotten delayed, but don’t let that demoralize you. There’s still time to launch the project or crusade you’ve been dreaming about.
JONESIN’
Across 1 Chinese-born actress ___ Ling 4 Pub projectile 8 Rough files 13 “Ew, I’m not touchin’ that!” 14 Playing in someone else’s stadium 15 Punk rocker with the backup band The Pharmacists 16 Show with mystery numbers like “Lost,” only they’re all divisible by 2? 18 Ice cream shop freebies 19 Tony Danza sitcom 20 Reality show with a surgeon operating blindfolded? 22 Where Larry King will be replaced by Piers Morgan 24 Like the Vikings 25 “The Wire” actress Pearson 29 He killed Hamlet 33 Show about farming for beer ingredients? 35 Words for the deaf:
abbr. 36 Writer Sarah ___ Jewett 37 Cartoon chihuahua 38 “Do ___ others...” 39 Geezerish 40 Show that’s only a tiny bit U.S.-centric? 44 Oil used in shampoos 46 Body for buzzards 47 Maker of “2 in 1” pet products 49 Underwhelmed grunt 50 Show about what really goes on in a flower bed? 54 “Old MacDonald” noise 57 Company behind Hello Kitty 58 Show about how difficult it is to work with actress Blanchett? 61 Like some short plays 62 Cards money 63 Golf peg 64 Proud black woman, per Urban Dictionary 65 Family jewels, alternatively 66 Moose’s cousin
“Surprise Endings” –TV like you've never seen.
Down 1 Attacked like a mosquito 2 Eight, in Essen 3 Store from Sweden 4 Name in a Dan Brown title 5 Feeling of amazement 6 Son of Ron Paul 7 Tattooed boxer Mike 8 States of rest 9 Huge fan 10 Sluggish 11 Phnom ___, Cambodia 12 Cubs great Sammy 15 Women’s shoe feature 17 Kind of tax 21 Cleansing procedure 23 Diarist Anais 25 “Surgeon General Mills Recommends Three to Five Servings of ___ Per Day” (“The Onion” headline) 26 Country rocker Steve 27 Blair of “The Exorcist” 28 Comply with 30 Raunch thrown into
comedies for an R rating, slangily 31 You are, in the Yucatan 32 Messy people 34 ___ majesty 38 Way out of style 40 Coffee alternative to robusta 41 Wine bluntly turned down in “Sideways” 42 Suffix for web 43 Where shoots grow from, in botany 45 Year of ___ (Chinese calendar period) 48 “You Don’t Mess With the ___” (Adam Sandler movie) 50 General ___ chicken 51 Rajah’s wife 52 Individuals, in France 53 Actress Suvari 55 Robinson of the NBA 56 Company in old TV ads for compilation albums 59 Inc., overseas 60 “A mouse!”
Crossword created By Matt Jones. © 2010 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle #0487.
www.chattanoogapulse.com | September 30, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 39 | The Pulse
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Ask A Mexican!
By Gustavo Arellano
Special Dream Edicion
“The last such sueño was when the Aztecs thought Hernan Cortés was their long-gone god Quetzalcoatl— and we all know how that turned out.”
Ask the Mexican at themexican@ askamexican.net, be his fan on Facebook, follow him on Twitter or ask him a video question at youtube.com/askamexicano!
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Dear Mexican, I understand NYC isn’t your jurisdiction, but maybe you have some insight, or maybe this is also a problem for other smart and successful Latinas. My question is: why is it so hard to find an educated Mexican—or hell—even a Latino man who isn’t a pretentious hijo de papi, or thinks he is a god for being educated and successful? Some background: I’m Mexican; my parents immigrated to the United States when I was 5, so that through hard work, my brothers and I could have the American dream. I went to a top university, live in Manhattan and work in finance. I know I’m not the only one of my kind— there must be Mexican-man versions of me who are also smart, successful, attractive and down-to-earth. I really don’t get it. In case you were wondering if I am ugly or fat, I’m not—I’m very pretty, thin, dress well and have a great personality, just very independent and can’t stand pretentious people. Am I too Americanized? I’d hate to stereotype and say that successful Latino men are either sons who grew up with a silver spoon and speak with a potato in their mouth, or are full of themselves, especially since my brothers aren’t like that. Or say that Latinos are intimidated by successful women? Maybe it’s a NYC thing? Am I too picky? What’s your take? I honestly I think it may just be a NYC thing, and I’ll be stuck having to marry a white dude who pronounces tortillas “tor-til-has” and calls guacamole “guac.” Lovely. — No Good Mangos in NYC
The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 39 | September 30, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com
Dear Wabette, NYC not my jurisdiction? Chula, the Mexican covers the waterfront, from Puebla York to the Frisco Bay—that is, when the city’s respective, better alt-weeklies sell enough ads to publish my columna in the dead-tree edition and not deport me to the Internet. Como I was saying, questions about love have far too many variables to warrant a perfect answer, but I can empirically say one reason you’re having a hard tiempo finding Mexi men is because there are simply not enough people like you or your brothers. The 2008 report “Advancing in Higher Education: A Portrait of Latino College Freshmen at Four-Year Institutions, 1975-2006,” published by the Higher Education Research Institute at the University of California, Los Angeles’s Graduate School of Education & Information Studies, discovered a widening education gap between Latinas and Latinos: according to the study, chicas constituted 60.8 percent of first-time, full-time Latino freshman in universities in 2006 (the last full year researchers could cite for their stats); chicos, on the other hand, made up just 39.2 percent of the total. Academic surveys over the years have show that educational attainment levels heavily influence marriage choices (i.e., you’re more likely to marry someone with the same degree as you the higher you scaled the ivory tower), so I suggest you brush up on learning how to make guac for the gabacho in-laws—kidding!
Your príncipe will come, girl: gotta keep the faith! And drop the creída attitude— muy turn-off. Dear Mexican, Once a month at my church, we have members of the congregation get up and “bear testimony,” about spiritual feelings or experiences. I’ve noticed that the Mexicans are always talking about vivid dreams that they’ve had, a phenomenon not often mentioned by chinos or gabachos. My folks tell me that the Mexicans in their congregation, in the far northwest suburbs of Chicago, do much the same. Do dreams have some sort of special religious significance for Mexicans? If so, does this predate Christianization? — Gabacho Gordo Dear Fat Gabacho, You didn’t give me enough information about your church. I know that bearing testimony is a tenet of Mormons, but I don’t want to give an LDS answer if it’s a Methodist question—don’t want to confuse the holy-rolling, you know? I can say that Mexicans love dreams, especially if they involve amnesty, hot chicks, or a Stetson. But dreams as revelations? The last such sueño was when the Aztecs thought Hernan Cortés was their long-gone god Quetzalcoatl— and we all know how that turned out. TO ALL THE DREAM ACT STUDENTS OUT THERE: Keep the faith—know your cause is just, know you will win, and know that Know Nothings can rule for only so long.