The Pulse - Vol. 7, Issue 40

Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative

The Writing on the Wall Story by Cody Maxwell • Photos by Lesha Patterson

FREE • News, Views, Music, Film, Arts & Entertainment • October 7, 2010 • Volume 7, Issue 40 • www.chattanoogapulse.com

President Jim Brewer, II Publisher Zachary Cooper Contributing Editor Janis Hashe News Editor / Art Director Gary Poole Director of Sales Rhonda Rollins Local Sales Manager Jonathan Susman Advertising Sales Rick Leavell, Townes Webb Graphic Design Jennifer Grelier Contributing Writers Gustavo Arellano, Maggie Behringer Rob Brezsny, Chuck Crowder Kathryn Dunn, Joshua Hurley Matt Jones, Phillip Johnston Sandra Kurtz, Cody Maxwell Robert McCrory, Tara Morris-Viland Ernie Paik, Alex Teach Editorial Cartoonist Rick Baldwin Calendar Editors Bryanna Burns, Josh Lang Editorial Intern Reginald Owens Contact Info: Phone (423) 265-9494 Fax (423) 266-2335 Email Inquiries info@chattanoogapulse.com Calendar Submissions calendar@chattanoogapulse.com The Pulse is published weekly and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publishers may take more than one copy per weekly issue.

The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors.

The Pulse is published by

Brewer Media 1305 Carter Street Chattanooga, Tennessee 37402 Letters to the editor must include name, address and daytime phone number for verification. The Pulse reserves the right to edit letters for space and clarity. Please keep letters within 300 words in length.

The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on culture, the arts, entertainment and local news.

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Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative

AL L P se NU ICA T U Pul AN LIT HEA he T PO ES in C k

OCTOBER

13 THE WRITING ON THE WALL

By Cody Maxwell Back in the glorious days when the Stone Lion was alive and well and not the fond memory we oldheads bore all the new chumps with, I was sitting on the step in front of the jukebox there feeling low down, lonesome and mean.

My old lady and I had parted ways the day before, and that morning I learned that she’d woken up redeyed and primed in the bed of an acquaintance of mine.

Artwork by "SEVEN", Photography by Lesha Patterson.

feature stories 20 DANCE LIKE A YOUNG PROFESSIONAL

By Tara Morris-Viland That 20- and 30-somethings have the chance to showcase their ideas and skills to a greater audience and network themselves into society is so important—and easier then some may think.

29 "FANTASTICKS" HOLDS UP WELL AT CTC

By Maggie Behringer There is a very simple reason The Fantasticks commands the title of the world’s longest-running musical. It’s that the modest story has played out in some manner in every audience member’s life.

31 BOOK OF LOCAL BRAGGING RIGHTS

By Robert McCrory Let’s assume that you have never personally met or have never seen David Ruiz, or know his event photography moniker 423 Bragging Rights.

Mind you, this is a rather large assumption. If you even semi-frequently attend a live music show at one of our downtown venues, then it's very unlikely you wouldn’t at the very least recognize him.

news & views 5 6 10 19 34 46

PULSE BEATS BEYOND THE HEADLINES SHADES OF GREEN ON THE BEAT LIFE IN THE NOOG ASK A MEXICAN

everything else 4 5 9 9 23 24 30 39 41 44 45

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR CITY COUNCILSCOPE POLICE BLOTTER THE LIST NEW MUSIC REVIEWS MUSIC CALENDAR A&E CALENDAR SPIRITS WITHIN NEW IN THEATERS FREE WILL ASTROLOGY JONESIN’ CROSSWORD

Letters to the Editor Why Pay For Culture?

I’m still a bit baffled as why the Education, Arts and Culture department was even established, since it never existed before in any previous mayor’s administrations, and the public schools were consolidated under the County School Board’s control decades ago. That two-million dollar budget isn’t going into public schools and organizations like Allied Arts already exist to promote the arts and culture. Should taxpayer dollars really be used to subsidize the work of semi-failed artists who cannot make it on their own and pay their own way?

G. Wallimby Where Are The Venues?

I don’t have enough fingers to count the number of warehouses and factories that have been shut down in recent years [“Need For a New Venue”]. Tennessee Pavilion sized and enclosed. Open space with just cosmetic repairs necessary. With Solid Rock Systems in town and able to supply rigging and tech support, built in parking, relative ease of access from major thoroughfares,

and the ability to attract film companies for music videos and feature film applications.

Seems like a no brainer. Wish I had the money to back up the vision.

Steve Lyles The South: Love It or Leave It What difference does it make to anyone if the real Georgia flag is used or not [“Walker County Residents Upset Over Use Of Old State Flag”, Pulse Beats]? I mean really, so effing what? If you don’t like it, don’t look! Is that so hard to comprehend? If you hate it that much, leave! The sooner the South is peopled with real Southerners who love the whole South, the better.

Conversely, the sooner those people who hate the Old South leave, the better! I can almost guarantee no one has ever even heard of one Southerner who had the galling misfortune of having to move to Yankeeland, then proceeded to complain to all the locals of how things are done there and that everything is better back in Dixie, even though, of course, that would be true.

Jimmy L. Shirley Jr.

Staying Up Late Chuck Crowder makes an interesting point [“After Midnight...”] Why do all the nightclubs in town have bands start so late at night, especially on weeknights? Is there some sort of “musicians code” that says no headliner can take a stage before ten o’clock (or later)? Do you lose “cool points” if you start are something more reasonable, such as 8 p.m.? I wonder if any of the clubs have ever thought that they might get a better turnout if they started (and ended) earlier with their main acts. People over 30 with real jobs and kids still like to get out and see a good band, but we just can’t stay up till two in the morning on a Thursday night.

Patricia Anderson Heavy Love From Up North Up here in Northern Wisconsin, we loves us some Black Diamond Heavies [“The Ballad of John James Wesley Myers Legg”].

Good to see John Myers gettin’ the respect he deserves in the town he practically calls home.

Joey Zardoz

Send all letters to the editor and questions to info@chattanoogapulse.com We reserve the right to edit letters for content and space. Please include your full name, city and contact information.

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The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 40 | October 7, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

Pulse Beats No Money For The Chickamauga Lock

Quote Of The Week:

A rundown of the newsy, the notable, and the notorious...

October 1 began the new fiscal year for the federal government. It is also marked the end of funding for upgrading the Chickamauga Lock on the Tennessee River.

Without the money to pay for critically needed maintenance, TVA officials say they may have to close the lock, which would shut off river commerce for the upper third of the Tennessee River.

So far, Congress hasn’t stepped up with the funding needed, a major concern for shippers who move an average of 1.5 million tons of cargo through the lock every year, not to mention the more than 4,000 recreational boaters who travel through the lock every year as well.

The Army Corps of Engineers’ Wayne Huddleston, who has been overseeing the Chickamauga Lock Project, notes that the first two phases of the project have been completed, but without approximately $444 million in new funding, the Corps will be unable to build a much-needed new lock.

So why is there no new money coming to Chattanooga? Partly it has to do with ongoing budget problems at the federal level due in large part of the recent recession. But it also has to do with the cost of finishing the Olmstead Dam Project on the Ohio River, combined with a major drop in matching dollars to the Inland Water Users Trust Fund, which has long been funded by barge fuel taxes.

The Olmstead Dam is projected to cost more than $1 billion by the time it is complete in 2016, cutting deeply into the Corps’ budget, which had earmarked funding for other

projects to be paid for by the Inland Water Users Trust Fund. Without that extra money, a number of projects have had to be curtailed, postponed or outright stopped.

Outgoing Congressman Zach Wamp was an ardent champion of the Chickamauga Lock while in Congress, but was unable to push through a planned rewrite of the Water Resources and Development Act in Congress this past session.

And with a new congressman taking office for the Third District next year, there is no guarantee that a freshman with no seniority will have the ability to strike a deal to get any new funding.

TVA officials have long warned of the consequences of not building a new lock, and as much as they want to hope for the best, they are being realistic about what could easily happen. The real question is which would be

“I think we definitely will feel the burden of these cuts; but, at end of day, we will arise a leaner university but I think a better university.”

—Richard Brown, UTC Vice Chancellor of Finance and Operations, on recently announced budget cutbacks to the state university system.

Here is one of the more interesting agenda items set to be discussed at the Tuesday, October 12 meeting of the Chattanooga City Council.

more expensive in the long run—spending the $444 million on a new lock, or spending the unknown, but almost certainly higher amount of money, to maintain the highways around the river that would see a dramatic increase of trucking traffic and wear and tear on the roadways.

Phones to Fight Domestic Violence • The battering of women is the most underreported crime in America.

• A woman is beaten by her partner every 15 seconds in the United States.

• One out of four women are likely to be abused by a partner in her lifetime.

• Fifty percent of homeless women and children in this country are fleeing domestic violence.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month (DVAM), and Verizon is doing its part to help stop domestic violence. The company’s Wireless’ HopeLine program collects no-longer used wireless phones, batteries and accessories from any wireless service provider at their stores and puts the network to work in communities by turning the unused wireless phones into support for victims of domestic violence. If you have an old phone, battery or accessory, consider donating it at the Gunbarrel or Shallowford Road Verizon stores.

7. Resolutions: a) A resolution authorizing the Administrator of the Department of Parks and Recreation to enter into a lease agreement with ERMC of America for the lease and management of the Skate Park and Pro Shop known as Chatttown Skate Park.

The original resolution came up during the September 21 meeting but was deferred to give council members time to review the skate park. While there appears to have been no real concerns about the existing park or the management of the facility, a number of citizens have spoken before the council in the past six months asking for a new skate park that is either free to use or much less costly. Unfortunately for the skateboarding and rollerblading enthusiasts, it does not appear that the city can afford to run a new free park on taxpayer money anytime soon.

The Chattanooga City Council meets each Tuesday at 6 p.m. in the City Council Building at 1000 Lindsay St. For more information on the agenda and minutes from past meetings, visit www.

Chattanooga.gov/City_Council/110_Agenda.asp

www.chattanoogapulse.com | Octber 7, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 40 | The Pulse

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Beyond The Headlines

By Janis Hashe

We Are Pride F

rom October 11-17, Chattanooga will celebrate the annual Tennessee Valley Pride Week. This year’s theme is “I am Pride!”, chosen by the TVP’s board of directors “to embody the fact that everyone is unique and represents the GLBT community in his or her own way.”

If you don’t know what “GLBT” stands for, it’s about time you did. The gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community of Chattanooga is no longer in the closet. And as has been noted many times in these pages, members of the GLBT community are your neighbors, coworkers and family members. that in a time of national debate on GLBT rights that The national news has been full of the tragic story of no one person fits any specific label or stereotype, “ Rutgers student Tyler Clement, bullied into suicide by the organizers write. “ ‘I am Pride’ combines the ‘I am two classmates because he was gay. At least three other Proud’ anthem and the ideal that TVP represents a high-profile student suicides have also been reported in community of individuals joined together for GLBT recent months. Perhaps you say, “What’s that got to do Pride and awareness.” Consider attending an event with me?” to show your support for that friend, family member, Every time you make —or tolerate—a gay joke or slur, neighbor or co-worker. every time you use the offensive expression “That’s so The festival will be gay,” you contribute “Every time you make —or held at Miller Plaza, in to an atmosphere downtown Chattanooga. in which people tolerate—a gay joke ot slur, every The venue sits adjacent cannot be free to be time you use the offensive expression to federal and city who they are. An government building ‘That’s so gay,’ you contribute to an atmosphere which, serves as a fitting taken to an extreme, atmosphere in which people cannot and backdrop during a leads to people be free to be who they are.” time when the national feeling there is no conversation on gay marriage and GLBT rights is under hope for their lives. That, my friends, is not sanctioned review. or condoned by anything that is truly holy.

Festival week will start on Monday, October 11, and Tennessee Valley Pride Week is not just for the GLBT continue through Sunday, October 17, 2010. A full community; the organizers make a big effort to reach festival week line up is provided to the right. out to the city at large. “It is important to remember

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The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 40 | October 7, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

Monday, October 11 Comedy Night Fundraiser - Chuck’s II, 27 Main Street.

(423) 265-5405 Doors open at 6 p.m. and will feature a community potluck supper. Starting at 8:15 p.m., members of Tennessee Equality Project will host a candlelight vigil to commemorate National Coming Out Day. Staring at 9 p.m., the Tennessee Tramp will headline the night’s events. The show is free and open to anyone 21 and over.

Tuesday, October 12 Interfaith Worship Service – 7:30 p.m. - Pilgrim Church.

Glenwood drive, Chattanooga.

Ecumenical Worship Service provided by the affirming congregations in the Chattanooga area. This is a free event – donations requested.

Wednesday, October13 “Let TVP Serve You” – 5:30 - 8 p.m. – The Rock MCC, 1601 Foust Street, Chattanooga.

A spaghetti supper fundraiser for TVP. Tickets sold in advance or at the door for $5.

Thursday, October14 TVP Singers Pride Week Concert – 7:30 p.m. – Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave., Chattanooga. (423) 624-5347.

TVP’s own GLBT choir will host a night of song. Members of Spectrum of UTC will be performing poetry and prose.

This is a free event – donations requested.

Friday, October 15 Former TVP Kings and Queens Show – Images Show Bar, 6005 Lee Highway, Chattanooga.

Let former Mr. & Mrs. Tennessee Valley Pride titleholders entertain you with a special performance show.

Raffles and prize drawing will take place all night. Admission is $5 or $3 with a toy or nonperishable food item for the annual food and toy drive.

Comedy Catch Fundraiser – 3224 Brainerd Rd, Chattanooga.

Special performance show benefiting TVP – Mention TVP or Pride Week and guest will receive a special surprise.

Saturday, October 16 Bowling: 2 p.m. Holiday Bowl, Brainerd Road. Admission: $10 per person.

Enjoy a fun filled afternoon of Bowling with friends and family.

Three games of competition for all levels of bowlers, with some great prizes.

Bar Night – 9 p.m. to Close.

Images Show Bar, 6005 Lee Highway, Chattanooga.

Special night out with LGBTfriendly establishments offering great entertainment and discount offers to patrons celebrating Pride Week. Images will offer free door cover to anyone who shows their Comedy Catch ticket stub from the Friday night show.

www.chattanoogapulse.com | Octber 7, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 40 | The Pulse

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A weekly roundup of the newsworthy, notable and often head-scratching stories gleaned from police reports from the Chattanooga Police Department, the Hamilton County Sheriff’s Office, the Bradley County Sheriff’s Department and the Dalton Police Department.

• Part of being a good neighbor is watching out for suspicious activity in your neighborhood. Which is why cooperation between several neighborhoods and the Hamilton County Sheriff ’s Office Narcotics and Special Operations Division helped lead to the arrest of four people involved with running a suburban meth lab.

Acting on tips from several alert residents, deputies raided a St. John’s Road residence and discovered meth labs both inside the house and in the garage. Four people, ranging in age from 22 to 45, were caught red-handed and taken into custody. All four are facing various charges, including manufacturing of methamphetamine and felony possession of drug paraphernalia.

• If you got what you thought was a real sweetheart deal on a utility trailer while shopping in Cleveland recently, you might want to check with the Calhoun, Georgia police. A group of burglars that was stealing utility trailers in North Georgia and taking them across the state line to Cleveland was arrested last week by Calhoun detectives. Calhoun Police Chief Garry Moss said that three men were taken into custody in connection with the theft of ten trailers

during the past year. He said the suspects are accused of removing serial numbers from the trailers, then taking them to Cleveland for resale to unsuspecting buyers. All three men are facing felony charges in Georgia, and could be facing further charges from Tennessee authorities.

• When is a home invasion not a home invasion?

When the robbery actually took place somewhere else, and the neither the victim nor the robber was truthful with the police. Red Bank police have dropped charges against a man accused in a home invasion and instead have arrested the man who originally reported the crime. Earlier this month, a man told police that another man had come into his Joselin Lane home and robbed him. The second man, after being questioned by police, admitted he had robbed Ricks, but said it happened at the YMCA on Hixson Pike.

As a result, police arrested the first man and charged him with filing a false report, while dropping charges against the second man. Which means it’s now up to the Chattanooga police to follow up and file charges against the second man for the crime he confessed to committing at the YMCA.

The List Top 10 Rockers Who Are Better Than Elvis

• And our last item this week isn’t about a specific crime, but about a highly unpopular crime-fighting tool. A lawsuit challenging the legality of traffic cameras in Chattanooga and Red Bank has been dismissed. Chancellor Frank Brown ruled that the cities have legal authority to enforce traffic regulations, including the use of both red-light and mobile camera vans. He noted in his ruling that video surveillance is not prohibited by the state legislature, and that neither Red Bank nor Chattanooga exceeded their authority when the put the cameras into use. The filers of the lawsuit had contended that both cities were in conflict with state law and that the cameras, which penalize the owner of a vehicle instead of the operator, were unconstitutional.

1. Chuck Berry: No ifs, ands or buts: the true King of Rock-NRoll...and still rockin'!

2. Carl Perkins: Introduced blue suede to modern footwear.

3. Bo Diddley: Created some of the most iconic riffs in history.

4. Eddie Cochran: Put the billy in rockabilly.

5. Gene Vincent: “Be-Bop-ALula”, she’s our baby.

6. Buddy Holly: Influenced everyone from the Beatles to the Stones.

7. Little Richard: Married boogie-woogie and rhythm & blues in a heavenly match.

8. Jerry Lee Lewis: Did things to a piano that were almost illegal...and awesome.

9. Duane Eddy: Known as the “King of Twang”.

10. Link Wray: Known as the “Godfather of the Power-chord”.

Source: www.listverse.com

www.chattanoogapulse.com | Octber 7, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 40 | The Pulse

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Shades of Green

By Sandra Kurtz

The (Radically) Changing Seasons L

“When seasons get out of synch with usual patterns or when there are changes in rains or temperatures, disconnections in natural communities result that lead to loss of species.”

Sandra Kurtz is an environmental education consultant, a former classroom teacher and a founder of Tennessee Environmental Education Association.

Presently she is executive co-director with the Urban Century Institute, a local nonprofit organization promoting sustainability and sustainable thinking.

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eaf Peepers unite! It’s October!

If there was ever a month for being outdoors, this is it. We had a super hot summer. Now, these cooler temperatures, plus impressive forest color entice us to drop everything else long enough to enjoy the scenery.

If a dry summer is followed by bright, sunny fall days, and if night temperatures drop below 40 degrees, we get a colorful autumn. Of course, it’s all over when we have the first serious frost.

Here’s what happens: For deciduous trees, the cooling temperatures and shorter days say it’s time to get ready for winter. With the tilt of the Earth, it’s clear that there will be less light for photosynthesis for food making and water will be harder to get. Trees begin to shut down. At the base of each leaf is a small corky layer that swells and cuts off the flow of water. With no access to water, green chlorophyll disappears and we see the color of the leaves underneath. Eventually, the corky layer forms a disintegrating cell line that says “tear here” and so each leaf falls to the ground. It’s a miraculous process.

In honor of this annual display, numerous outdoor events are scheduled. Craft fairs, mountain hikes, train excursions, and auto tours get top billing. The Chattanooga Color Cruise, always held during October, beckons scores of people to gaze at beautiful leaf color as they boat or drive through the Tennessee River Gorge.

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 40 | October 7, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

This year, a Color Cruise is scheduled for October 30-31 at the Hales Bar Powerhouse.

That seems later than usual to witness the best color, but it might work out because the planet is warming.

A warmer planet means that the fall season will come later while spring arrives earlier. You might think it would be a good thing for us to have a shorter winter, but here’s the rub: When seasons get out of synch with usual patterns or when there are changes in rains or temperatures, disconnections in natural communities result that lead to loss of species.

That statement requires some examples: Suppose you have a migrating bird that feeds on a particular kind of insect. Because it is warmer, the bird comes north earlier than usual only to find that the insects of choice for dinner have not yet emerged from eggs.

No food equals starved bird.

Or, perhaps in a warmer winter, a bear does not hibernate as long as usual. She comes out of her den ravenous only to discover it’s too early for spring food. Then there’s the invasion of those insects that like hot weather. They expand territory and population northward while feeding extensively on farm crops thus reducing food supply for humans. Scientists tell us that all these examples of natural community disconnection and extinction of species is happening now.

The Center for Biological Diversity states, “The planet is warming to a degree beyond what many species can handle, altering or eliminating habitat, reducing food sources, causing drought and other species-harming severe weather events, and even directly killing species that simply can’t stand the heat.”

In the Southeast there are species presently struggling due to climate impacts: Indiana Bat, Golden Sedge, Black-spored Quillwort, Purple Bean and Rough Rabbitsfoot Mussels, and Three-toed Box Turtle. Loss of any weakens our support system. We need to reduce our carbon footprint.

We like having four seasons around here including a good, cold winter with frost.

After all, a long, warm fall allows extra pollen allergens and an invasion of diseasecarrying tropical insects. Don’t miss this October color. Next year, the peak may be in November.

www.chattanoogapulse.com | Octber 7, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 40 | The Pulse

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Cover Story

The Writing on the Wall Story by Cody Maxwell • Photos by Lesha Patterson

www.chattanoogapulse.com | Octber 7, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 40 | The Pulse

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Cover Story

No Whitewash— Graffiti In Chattanooga Vaughn records (as Sunday afternoons usually went back then) didn’t work. I needed a Pabst Blue Ribbon and a pack of smokes and Avery at the Stone Lion always had what I needed.

Story by Cody Maxwell Photos by Lesha Patterson

“There, scratched into the window with a broken ink pen or some such tool were the words: DON’T LOOK AT ME.”

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ack in the glorious days when the Stone Lion was alive and well and not the fond memory we oldheads bore all the new chumps with, I was sitting on the step in front of the jukebox there feeling low down, lonesome and mean. My old lady and I had parted ways the day before, and that morning I learned that she’d woken up red-eyed and primed in the bed of an acquaintance of mine. For anybody that remembers, the Stone Lion was the only place to go when in such emotional circumstances—sitting at home listening to the police scanner and Sarah

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 40 | October 7, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

After the third beer it was time for the pisser. Ignoring everyone I knew and stomping in there, I came upon a bit of wisdom that changed my outlook on life. Some wizened around-the-block old drunk had scrawled on the wall above the john these words: REMEMBER, NO MATTER HOW GOOD SHE LOOKS SOMEBODY, SOMEWHERE IS SICK OF HER SHIT. Truer words had never been spoken, or scrawled in misspelled bathroom-wall black ink, and I walked out of the bathroom like I’d just stepped out from under the bodhi tree. I sat at the bar rather than on the floor, talked Avery into playing “Understand Your Man” by Johnny Cash on the jukebox and waited for another broad to come my way.

Soon thereafter it became a hobby of mine to record these small bits of wisdom. Most of it is crude humor and unrepeatable, tasteless idiocy. Some of it is not. Paul Simon claimed that the “words of the prophets are written on the subway walls” and though I wouldn’t go so far as considering these writings prophetic, they do show another side of society that most would prefer be whitewashed away. Perhaps the most common is the age-old battle of the sexes played out in magic marker and knife-point scrawls. Consider these men’s room opinions of the fairer sex: NEVER TRUST ANYTHING THAT BLEEDS FOR SEVEN DAYS AND DOESN’T DIE, or BEAUTY IS ONLY A LIGHT SWITCH AWAY. Not to be outdone, a quick peek into the equally guilty ladies’ room reveals the brutal response: DON’T HATE ME BECAUSE I’M BEAUTIFUL. HATE ME BECAUSE I F****D YOUR DAD. It’s rough out there, kids.

Oftentimes, given the outside world’s state of affairs, these shithouse philosophers will delve into politics,

Cover Story

especially during times of war. On the subject of violent governmental clashes, the men’s room can be quoted as saying: DRAFT BEER, NOT PEOPLE and IF YOU’VE SEEN ONE NUCLEAR WAR YOU’VE SEEN THEM ALL. The ladies’ room, perhaps still upset over the bleeding for seven days jab, claims that WAR IS MENSTRUATION ENVY. In both cases, the old Stone Lion’s opinion of war was anything but vague.

A short time after I began my notebook recordings, I had the privilege of spending a night in the can for offending society in some way or another—I don’t remember exactly what I did. I do remember that it was standing room only in the county jail that night. Forty to 50 men were packed like dead rats in that concrete cage, and I found my spot standing near the door. I stood there waiting for someone to move so I could lie down, and while I was waiting, I passed the time looking out of a small, fist-proof Plexiglas window where the turnkeys would come by every now and then and take a look inside. I watched the jailers until I got bored with wondering what it must feel like trying to convince yourself everyday that you are “only doing your job,” especially when that job is to pile presumably innocent men into rock holes in a manner that would be illegal if these men were animals. I then looked at the dirty plastic window itself.

There, scratched into the window with a broken ink pen or some such tool were the words: DON’T LOOK AT ME. This one really struck me. I remembered the Stone Lion bit and how its humor made my day, but this bit of graffiti was different. It spoke of something larger than myself and screamed in faint, quarter-inch letters what every person feels when they are crushed into that dehumanizing black hole called the penal system.

It said something about the spirit of these invisible people, the ones most of us are ashamed to look at and only consider through the abstract prism of Nancy Grace television justice. It has become quite the fad in television news to be able to accuse, try and condemn a person in 12 minutes or less, and standing there barefoot in the can I saw the repercussions of this. Those words weren’t scratched into that window because those accused were ashamed of themselves and wanted to hide. Many of them had nothing to be ashamed of. And they weren’t written to be funny. These words were written to let everyone on the other side of the wall know that these were men in here, not animals in a cage.

There is the capacity for savagery in all of us, and some of those men were truly guilty of savage acts. But no man is ever born a savage and these carved words expressed the painful rage felt inside that www.chattanoogapulse.com | Octber 7, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 40 | The Pulse

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Cover Story

penal cave. “DON’T LOOK AT ME,” they said, if this is the only way you choose to see me.

This was something different than the dirty limericks and wisecracks (however poignant) found on the bathroom walls.

There was a powerful and angry voice behind this one, one that, no matter how tightly locked away, still would not be silenced. It was afraid, ashamed, threatened, yet prepared to defend its beaten pride with violence at first opportunity. In this type of graffiti the silly bullshit is abandoned and replaced by a single personality that permeates every scraped message and spray-painted work of art.

Walking Chattanooga’s back alleys, railroad tracks and undersides of bridges you can find the visual side of this outcast personality. Here you find works of art that are enraged, violent and beautiful.

There’s a highway bridge on the Southside where men without homes sleep. Nearly every pillar and beam is covered with the crazed and distorted pathos of the disenfranchised and ignored. Strange promises of violence, bizarre portraits and indecipherable worded images cover the walls where these men call home, much the same as other homes are covered in family portraits and pictures of god. A few miles away is an old railroad tunnel that crawls through

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Lookout Mountain. Inside there are the names and crude drawings of old hobos and the men who worked for nothing to build the tunnel. Hundred-year-old “tags,” as we’d call them today. For them, it was in hopes of being remembered and recognized somehow, someday. At times this work sneaks out from under the bridges and tunnels and into the general public domain, and that’s when the city government steps in. They’re not having it.

A few years back, while these men without homes were sleeping under that Southside bridge and walking to the Community Kitchen for something to eat, the 21st Century Waterfront Project was allocated $120 million dollars to revive the downtown waterfront. Onepoint-two million dollars of this money was set aside to purchase public art and resulted in three public art projects being completed. Over the years, these efforts have continued, spread throughout the city and resulted in Chattanooga emerging from being choked in foundry smoke and darkened by crime to being back on the road to what it once aspired to be: the First City in the South.

Public Art Chattanooga, a group comprised of local citizens appointed by the mayor, is responsible for the art that has been installed in the city. From Main Street to North Chattanooga, their

Cover Story endeavors can be seen on nearly every corner. On their web site, this group says that “...public art often promotes dialogue between strangers, prompts children to pose thoughtful questions, and provides moments for one to simply stop and contemplate.” Within this quote lies the rub, but let’s go on…

Not too long ago, the mayor put together what he calls the Eraser Team. The Eraser Team is a group of people who are paid by the city to go around with buckets of paint and paint rollers and eliminate the graffiti found on public buildings.

Mr. Littlefield said, “We know from history that the best way to stop graffiti is to paint it out as fast as we can.” The News Channel 9 web site quoted him as saying that the existence of graffiti makes residents fearful of gangs, but he admitted that gang warfare wasn’t the only reason for its existence. He said it is often “just kids being kids or graffiti artists being the kind of graffiti artists they are.”

All this begs the questions: What is acceptable for the public eye to see and who makes that decision? With the millions of dollars being spent to bring in outside works of art, why could a mere fraction of that not have been used to bring the “kids” or the “graffiti” artists, being the kind of “graffiti artists they are,” out from under the bridge at night and harness their talent? Of course, we are not speaking

has been an undeniable benefit and has made the city much more attractive than it once was. But a vast part of the population knows this public art is not for them.

The artists who represent this part of the population are graffiti artists, by definition criminals, and their artwork is illegal. It’s destroyed by the Eraser Squad and many people wonder why. The answers are simple: It’s too ethnic. It’s too street-wise.

It’s too honest. It’s not pretentious enough.

It attracts the wrong kinds of people. The powers that be don’t want it—they’re trying to clean up the city with Eraser Squads and all. Tourists come around here, for god’s sake—clean up before they come.

It’s an ongoing battle—you can sweep them under rugs but they keep crawling back out. What’s a city mayor to do? It’s not real art and not real people or problems—it’s flash mobs, gangs and graffiti. “The best way to stop it is to paint it out as fast as we can,” Littlefield says.

His Eraser Squads can whitewash the buildings that were painted on. They are the city’s buildings, fair and square. But they cannot whitewash the spirit of the citizens who, having been refused participation in the renewals and Main Street revivals, still insist that their existence be recognized.

This story is for RENIK, by the way, whoever he is.

“Walking Chattanooga’s back alleys, railroad tracks and undersides of bridges you can find the visual side of this outcast personality. Here you find works of art that are enraged, violent and beautiful.” of the one who spraypaints childishly crude anatomical drawings on the backs of buildings, but the ones who have real talent. It is seen all over Chattanooga, if you can catch it before it’s blotted out.

Some of the work is striking and of real value. If anyone ever noticed the mural on the crumbling brick wall at the corner of Central Avenue and MLK Boulevard, across the street from the gas station, they would know what I am talking about. It was illegal and done in darkness, but was beautiful. The one I am remembering was of a blood-red rose, with the words: “This is for you, mama. This one will never die.” This painting excited dialogue between strangers, made children ask questions, and I myself often stood and wondered about it. Those citizens appointed by the mayor should have been proud—but the painting is gone now.

The public art that has been put on display in the city

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On The Beat

Cop Talk H

“Seriously—have you ever had an ‘incident’ with a ‘disorderly party’ or ‘effect’ anything you ‘encountered’ with the ‘odor of an intoxicant’ and used ‘verbal commands to desist’, which when failed resulted in the use of a ‘brachial anything’?”

When Officer Alexander D. Teach is not patrolling our fair city on the heels of the criminal element, he is an occasional student, carpenter, boating enthusiast, and spends his spare time volunteering for the Boehm Birth Defects Center. To contact him directtly, follow him on Facebook at www.facebook.com/alex.teach

ave you ever heard a cop testifying and wonder how we “get that way”? Is there some portal they shove your brain through in the academy that erases the ability to communicate simply and effectively to other human beings? The answer is, “No” (as far as I remember anyway), but I’m not sure if I have a distinct answer. But since having no answer has never stopped me before, let’s give it a whirl.

“On 10/07/2010 at 12:23 a.m., police were sent by radio dispatch to 6925 Shallowford Road (George 9 District) <The Palms> on report of a disorderly party inside the business.

Witnesses stated the suspect was a white male, medium build, dark ball cap, rectangular glasses, white T-shirt, jeans, sandals, was attempting to walk out on his tab and was last seen leaving in a black Nissan Pickup.

“Enroute to call this Officer (A. Teach, EMP #10220) did observe a vehicle matching that description leaving the scene and effected a traffic stop in the 6600 block of Lee Hwy, and upon encountering the driver I did smell the odor of an intoxicant and there were several empty Zima bottles in plain view on the seat and floorboard of said vehicle. The party was belligerent and uncooperative, and exited the vehicle refusing verbal commands to desist and this Officer successfully delivered an openhand brachial stun and took him into custody without further incident.”

Obviously, this is an excerpt from a police arrest report…and this is a “lively” one since I have the desire to document at least the bare

minimum. Seriously—have you ever had an “incident” with a “disorderly party” or “effect” anything you “encountered” with the “odor of an intoxicant” and used “verbal commands to desist”, which when failed resulted in the use of a “brachial anything”? (Cop Audience: Put your hands down.) Though referring to oneself constantly in the third person is entertaining (admittedly, maybe it’s just me), it ultimately results in police reports reading like the ingredients on the back of a box of cereal.

“YAWN.” We are not always boring, however; low skill levels make the elementary-school-level reports humorous. Mundane reports written by a bored midnight cop (or a dim dayshift one) can be just as entertaining but on a higher level; and some cops, however unintentionally, can create their own words and phrases.

Here are a few examples compiled by a team of like-minded cops who appreciate creativity (as much as material with which to embarrass and humiliate): “Of course I took the tac helmet on the left; it was brandnewer than the other one.”

“OK, that’s it. I done told you twiced, so you’re going to jail now.”

“Let’s use the north conference room, it’s spacier than this one.”

“When you’re on the street, you have to make snap decisions. Being undecisive can get you killed.”

(Same speech) “You can’t lollygag around in the hall like you do in a building search. You have to expediate your moves.”

“If someone calls in from Moccasin Bend mental hospital saying they have an explosion device on them, you have to consider the vadility of the source. Lets discush the options

in this ska-nario.”

“Between here and now, you’re going to have to decide where you want to go in your career.”

(Between here and now… Think about this.)

“You’ll never stay out of jail until you stop this self-imitating behavior.” (Self-imitating?

What?)

“I’m not as mad about it as I could be.

He was pretty ruthful about it in the end.”

(Ruthful being used as an opposite of ruthless.

Yeah…I know.)

“The beauty part of the whole thing is, we get to keep it after we evaluate it.”

And a final favorite, from an eavesdropped phone conversation: Embroidery company sales rep on telephone: “Ok, so I guess you’ll want SWAT in caps?” Cop making purchase: “Yeah. We always wear hats, sure.” (Hit you yet? Re-read it from the start and give it a think if not.)

This isn’t high comedy, but they’re real examples. And relax; all those examples couldn’t possibly have come from one guy…but some reports simply write themselves (or at least read like they did), and in the process the cop-mind gets carried away like a blind dog in a meat locker.

These reports are written by sight-hounds, people that are more feral in nature and generally focused on action and not narration.

But still, you have to wonder: Do cops try to sound like they eat their toast dry and iron their underwear? Or is that part of the “different gene” that makes them run towards bad things, as opposed to away?

We may never know...but we can definitely read about it. And if a cure is ever found, no way am I ever giving up referring to myself in the third person. Alex likes it.

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Music Feature

Dance Like a Young Professional Y

oung professionals have always been an important dynamic in the growth of a city—although at times the word “professional” is a bit scary. The image of lawyers and doctors, presidents and CEOs used to flash before me in earlier times and it did seem a bit daunting. Chattanooga had always seemed to me as a good ol’ boy society, somewhere that you had to be born into a high-profile family—or babysit for them.

By Tara Morris-Viland

“You can meet DJ K7 while interacting with Chattanooga’s up-and-comings, show yourself as an up-and-coming, and acknowledge young professionals and community sponsors who have given so much.”

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But, with the help of many nonprofits in town and organizations such as CreateHere, we have started to bring in people in many different fields from lots of other cities. Of even more importance is the innovative and modern thinking of our own youngminded folks, who realize they want to make their dreams come true without heading to New York or California. That 20- and 30-somethings have the chance to showcase their ideas and skills to a greater audience and network themselves into society is so important—and easier than some may think.

This weekend marks the 5th Annual Young Professionals Association of Chattanooga Awards, JETSET. The theme this year, JETSET, is based on the idea of traveling the world without leaving the Scenic City, something that at 18 I would have laughed at, but if getting your wisdom teeth really means you are wiser, then I now

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take this idea very seriously. I have had the honor of sitting in a few times with a few of these hot young professionals, and as a more T-shirt-and-jeans type of girl, I must admit my timidness at times, but these kids rock.

What is unfortunate is that there are a lot of people who should be a part of this organization who aren’t. Members’ professions range from strategic research , finance, and investment banking to social media, digital directors, community liasons, associate producers and promotion/event coordinators. Although more young “alternative professions” and members are needed, the networking capabilites are astounding. As Terran Fletcher Anderson, event chair person of YPAC explained, “YPAC is not only about networking, it’s about community service and getting involved, making friends in a new city or your hometown, and about learning more about Chattanooga so that you want to STAY in Chattanooga. “ I know you’re thinking, “Tara, what does this have to do with music?”, and to that I reply, “Young professionals dance, too!”

October 9, 2010 at Warehouse Row is going to be filled with international food, ties, tattoos, and dancing to the sounds of our own up-and-coming Phillip Allen, aka DJ K7.

Phillip Allen is a star example of young professionalism. An I.T. tech at UTC during the day, he has found a way to combine his love of art and technology by DJ’ing and bringing different events to town.

Originally from Memphis, he has been in Chattanooga seven years. He collected music for more than a decade before starting on this adventure, and he has been able to put himself out into the community and share his love for using music as his conversation. It

truly is an art.

To Allen, what makes the best DJ is the ability to get a crowd grooving— no matter the mileu. In partnership with YPAC nominee for Best Artist, Isaac Duncan III, he has created www.etcmusic.org. As the web site states, “Et Cetera (etc) is a music series spearheaded by Chattanooga DJ K7.

ETC is about everything else; music that is not traditionally represented though the mainstream music outlet.

“The goal of etc is to generate awareness for lesser-known musical styles such as: Afrobeat, Kuduro, Cumbia, Nu-Jazz, Broken Beat, Drum and Bass, and Future Soul. The names may seem unfamiliar but the sound is universal.” Allen has done work for YPAC before, and was even chosen earlier in the year for The Pulse’s State of the Arts Preview Party at Warehouse Row. I asked him why he was being chosen over others for such events, and from his noticably humble response arose the belief of constantly putting himself out there and networking in the arts and music community. I couldn’t agree more.

On Saturday, October 9 at Warehouse Row, you can meet DJ K7 while interacting with Chattanooga’s up-and-comings, show yourself as an up-and-coming, and acknowledge young professionals and community sponsors who have given so much. With many categories, I hope next year they will be able to include YP Musician of the Year. Could it be you? I challenge you to find out.

JETSET: YP 2010 Awards $30 8 p.m.

Saturday, October 9 Warehouse Row, 1110 Market Street www.ypchattanooga.org

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New Music Reviews The Vaselines Sex with an X (Sub Pop) When a band breaks up and then reunites years later, it’s usually considered a victory if it doesn’t sound totally embarrassing. Now here’s the case of the Scottish pop band The Vaselines, formed by Eugene Kelly and Frances McKee, whose last recorded material is more than 20 years old and earned the enthusiastic support of Kurt Cobain.

Following last year’s compilation Enter the Vaselines, a re-packaging of the previous collection The Way of the Vaselines with an extra disc with demos and live tracks, comes Sex with an X, the group’s second studio album. Has the band matured in 20 years?

One would hope not—they wouldn’t be the Vaselines if they didn’t have key elements

By Ernie Paik

of silliness and irreverence, fueled with a fumbling carnality.

The album launches with “Ruined,” a chugging rock number that’s true to the band’s style, in the vein of “Dying for It” with pounding drums and distorted guitars—the cleanly recorded vocals are the only tip-off that this is a new song. The title track follows, with an incredibly catchy sing-along hook and an irresistible bounce; so far so good.

Then the album’s brisk pace is interrupted, starting with the plodding, unremarkable number “The Devil’s Inside Me” and followed by tracks that either go on for too long or don’t quite match the spry infectiousness of the band’s best work.

“I Hate the ’80s,” the album’s first single, serves up a bit of playful anti-nostalgia with the chorus of, “You want the truth? Well this is it: I hate the ’80s, ‘cause the ’80s were shit,” but it’s a joke that seems a little calculated and forced, as if obliquely defending the group’s reason to reunite. Sex with an X isn’t an embarrassment, but it’s a slight letdown that could’ve benefited from completely embracing the goofy, non-self-conscious, youthful abandon of the band’s past.

Orgone Killion Vaults (Ubiquity) Crate-digging vinyl enthusiasts are familiar with old “library records,” which were instrumental albums often created on spec, intended to serve as backing music for commercials, television shows, film, or radio spots. This might not sound like the most exciting music out there—and certainly, there’s plenty that’s dull, easy listening music—but there are certain library records considered treasures by collectors and DJs, with music that is far more compelling than one might expect from that intended for commercial use.

The new album from the Los Angeles oldschool soul-funk band Orgone, Killion Vaults, is an homage to the overlooked, often unheralded library records of decades past with an 18-track collection of impeccably recorded songs. Fans of lead singer Fanny Franklin should be aware

that she sits this one out—it’s a completely instrumental record.

Music intended for the background, like Mozart’s divertimenti or Brian Eno’s ambient music, can sometimes be surprisingly memorable music, and fortunately, Killion Vaults goes beyond its seemingly modest intentions. The opening track “Dramatic Times” features a suave, confident stroll, reminiscent of a Serge Gainsbourg/Jean-Claude Vannier collaboration, outlining the band’s studio style with tight, dryly recorded drums and keyboard chords with wet reverb.

Much of the album takes inspiration from ’70s soul-funk, tip-toeing into the ’80s with choice keyboard sounds, and a song like “The Big Escape” nails that early-’70s action-filmsoundtrack vibe nicely. There are plenty of sampling opportunities here—“Sandstorm Pt. 2” uses a particularly killer beat—and there’s a healthy variety, from the smooth make-out groove of “Wanting Wondering” to the echoing, off-center, percussion-filled track “K. Irin.”

Like the library records to which it pays tribute, Killion Vaults could indeed serve as background music—one could imagine it playing at some upscale cocktail lounge or late-night party—but details are there for those searching for them.

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Music Calendar Thursday Spotlight

Papadosio with New Planet Roots meets electronica. $7 10 p.m.

Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com

Thursday Jimmy Harris 6:30 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Mike Night, Summer Holinder 8 p.m. Magoo’s Restaurant, 3658 Ringgold Rd., East Ridge.

(423) 867-1351.

Preston Paris Project 9 p.m. The Lounge at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Papadosio with New Planet 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com Gerle Haggard, The Tillers, The Whisky Bent Valley Boys 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400.

Search for JJ's on Facebook SOULEDOUT! Classic and Modern Soul with DJ K7 10 p.m. The Social (next to Public House), 1110 Market St., Ste. 101.

Soul Sessions 10 p.m. Table 2, 232 E. 11th St. (423) 756-8253. www.table2restaurant.com

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Friday Spotlight

Friday Johnny Cash Tribute Band 5 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo Centennial Theatre, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-5000. www.choochoo.com Ben Friberg Trio 6 p.m. Table 2, 232 E. 11th St. (423) 756-8253. www.table2restaurant.com Jimmy Harris 6:30 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Los Meesfits 7 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400.

Search for JJ's on Facebook Jimmy Harris 7:30 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Overture for Rent 7:30 p.m. Blue Orleans Creole Restaurant, 3208 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 629-6538. blueorleanscreolerestaurant.com Iron Horse Society 8 p.m. Magoo’s Restaurant, 3658 Ringgold Rd., East Ridge (423) 867-1351.

The World Race Awareness & Benefit Concert: Jenny & Tyler, Ascend the Hill, Joel Parks, Andy Goodner 8 p.m. The Warehouse, 5716 Ringgold Rd. East Ridge. www.myspace.com/warehousetn Gerogia Skruff 8 p.m. Southside Saloon & Bistro, 1301 Chestnut St. (423) 757-4730.

Porter Hall Tennessee & The Packway Handle Band 8:30 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com Chris Cavanaigh 9 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike. (423) 266-1996. www.tremonttavern.com Brian Collins 9 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919. www.myspace.com/jstriker Downstream 9 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777. www.bartslakeshore.com Dana Rogers 9 p.m. The Lounge at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Divine Jazz 9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn) www.facebook.com/theofficechatt Colour Revolt, Forest Magic, Ramble Horse 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400.

Search for JJ's on Facebook Sweet N Lowdown 10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com Gabe Newell and Muddy Soul 10 p.m. T-Bones, 1419 Chestnut St. (423) 266-4240. www.tboneschattanooga.com

Saturday Johnny Cash Tribute Band 5 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo Centennial Theatre, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-5000.

Colour Revolt, Forest Magic, Ramble Horse Indie rock Colour Revolt joins fellow Mississipians Ramble Horse and locals Forest Magic. $10 10 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E,. MLK. Blvd. (423) 266-1400. Search on Facebook for JJ’s Bohemia.

Jimmy Harris 6:30 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055.

Booker Scruggs Ensemble 7:30 p.m. Blue Orleans Creole Restaurant, 3208 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 629-6538. blueorleanscreolerestaurant.com The Victory Lap Kids, The Flood Shall Flow 7:30 p.m. The Warehouse, 5716 Ringgold Rd. East Ridge. www.myspace.com/warehousetn Jennifer Brantley 8 p.m. Charles & Myrtle’s Coffeehouse, 105 McBrien Rd. (423) 892-4960.

Stratoblasters 8 p.m. Southside Saloon & Bistro, 1301 Chestnut St. (423) 757-4730.

Camp Normal 9 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919. www.myspace.com/jstriker Plagues of Prophecy, Peshmerge, Axial Discorelation, & Sybartic 9 p.m. Ziggy’s Underground, 607 Cherokee Blvd. (423) 756-4786. myspace.com/ziggyshideaway

Music Calendar

Send your calendar events to us at calendar@chattanoogapulse.com

Saturday Spotlight

Wizard Staff Party with How I Became the Bomb, My Dear Disco Celebrate the day before John’s birthday. $7 10 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E,. MLK. Blvd. (423) 266-1400. Search on Facebook for JJ’s Bohemia.

Jacob Newman 9 p.m. The Lounge at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055.

Amber Fults 9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn). facebook.com/thetheofficechatt Bluegrass Pharaohs 9 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com WIZARD STAFF PARTY with How I Became the Bomb, My Dear Disco 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400.

Search for JJ's on Facebook Moon Taxi with Taxicab Racers and Hearts in Light 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com DJ GOP The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055.

Sunday Merry Ellen Kirk 12:30 p.m. Chattanooga Market, 1826 Carter St. (423) 266-9270. www.chattanoogamarket.com

Sunday Spotlight

Jennifer Brantley 2 p.m. Chattanooga Market, 1826 Carter St. (423) 266-9270. www.chattanoogamarket.com Open Mic w/Jeff Daniels 4 p.m. Ms. Debbie’s Nightlife Lounge 4762 Highway 58, (423) 485-0966. myspace.com/debbieslounge Pay the Reckoning (Irish Music) 6 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike. (423) 266-1996. www.tremonttavern.com Open Mic w/Jeff Daniels 4 p.m. Ms. Debbie’s Nightlife Lounge 4762 Highway 58, (423) 485-0966. myspace.com/debbieslounge Hidden Spots, DJ, Wrestling 9 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 255-1400.

Search for JJ's on Facebook DJ GOP The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055.

Monday Old Tyme Players 6 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Big Band 8 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055.

Tuesday Ben Friberg Trio 6:30 p.m. Table 2, 232 E. 11th St. (423) 756-8253. www.table2restaurant.com

All That Jazz 8 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055.

Lightning Billy Hopkins 8 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Open Mic 9 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike, (423) 266-1996. www.tremonttavern.com TJ (uwtj), Greg (Hopsing Project), Blake (nim nims) 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400.

Search for JJ's on Facebook DJ ScubaSteve Fox and Hound Pub & Grille, 2040 Hamilton Place Blvd., #150, (423) 490-1200.

Wednesday Jimmy Harris 6:30 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055.

Ben Friberg Trio 7 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Johnny B. and Friends 8 p.m. Bourbon Street Music Bar, 2000 E. 23rd St. (423) 826-1985.

Nathan Farrow 9 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com Nathan Angelo with Todd Carey & Seth Philpott 9 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644.

Music at the Market “Cut Up for Life” raises money for the fight against HIV—and you can hear beautiful tunes from Mary Ellen Kirk and Jennifer Brantley.

Free (Vouchers for salon services $20) 11 a.m. – 4 p.m.

Chattanooga Market, First Tennessee Pavilion, 1826 Carter St. (423) 266-4041. www.chattanoogamarket.com Open Mic with Mark Holder 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400.

Search for JJ's on Facebook DJ GOP The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Got a gig coming up that you want to tell the world about?

Don't rely just on flyers, word-of-mouth and posts of Facebook and MySpace.

All you need to do to get the word out for free is to send us your information (the basic when, where and time) and we will list it here in the weekly music calendar.

Email the particulars to us at calendar@chattanoogapulse. com at least ten days before the event.

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Arts & Entertainment

“Fantasticks” Holds Up Well at CTC T

here is a very simple reason The Fantasticks commands the title of the world’s longest-running musical. It’s that the modest story has played out in some manner in every audience member’s life.

By Maggie Behringer

“The madcap duo is an odd couple of Ray Laliberte’s small, once lithe, wrinkled troubadour and Stacy Helton’s bear of a man dressed as a Native American with a Scottish accent.”

Whether seen in one of the 17,162 Broadway performances, which ran from 1960 to 2002, or the Chattanooga Theatre Centre season opening production, running through October 10, the classic’s tale of young love, sudden disillusionment and eventual contentment still rings true.

The Fantasticks follows a pair of neighbors who want to arrange a marriage between their son and daughter, but know from experience with teenagers they have a better shot using reverse psychology.

The Fathers devise a feud, making the son and daughter forbidden, irresistible fruit to one another. To end the row, the neighbors hire a bandit to fake an abduction, giving the son a momentous opportunity to be the hero, save the girl and heal the families.

The second act twist reveals that once had, a happy ending looses its glow. The Fathers itch at the new relationship of in-laws. The lovers discover each other’s flaws. The plan seems to have created a real wall between the houses, spurring the son to worldly adventure, specifically to “be bad”, and inspiring the daughter to have an affair to demonstrate her maturity.

The younger pair embarks on their respective escapades—only to meet the real world’s cruel realities and suddenly appreciate what they had. The story concludes then with

an earned happy ending.

The world of The Fantasticks veers from most musical theater. The sparse scaffolding set neatly transforms into any stage and allows Tom Goddard’s series of strikingly colorful lighting designs to silhouette the actors off the back screen.

The lively patchwork costumes, hardly ever changed and sometimes appearing in a flurry of ribbon from a magic trunk, prove assets to the characters as well as the production.

Director Scott Dunlap designed both set and costumes, nicely balancing simplicity and playfulness without distracting the eye.

Further, the cast is aware of the audience, often speaking directly to the house, and the script provides a narrator as a guide. Rob Inman does well in the role, immediately establishing a comfortable familiarity with the audience and delicately delivering the subtle hints at the story’s moral.

Matt Lynn as the son and Jennelle Gilreath as the daughter play off each other skillfully.

Gilreath brings her comedic talent to bear on the trials of a 16-year-old girl and, consequently, those she causes to everyone around her. Though befuddled by her daily changing body, she develops a well-rounded sense of entitlement, fervently believing she’s a princess and answering to Helena and Juliet.

Lynn, the strongest singing voice of the cast, adeptly performs a 20 year old emboldened by his sense of maturity, preoccupied with a girl and assured that she is his remedy for any near-death encounter.

Thomas Alford and Kyle Howard have solid turns as the Fathers and share a lovely duet, “Never Say No”, bemoaning the children’s habit of doing exactly what they’re told not to.

The production’s standouts emerge from the magic trunk as extra players for the staged abduction. The madcap duo is an odd couple of Ray Laliberte’s small, once lithe, wrinkled troubadour and Stacy Helton’s bear of a man dressed as a Native American with a Scottish accent.

The former recites Shakespeare and the latter is an expert at dying. Their physical comedy of exaggerated stumbling before collapsing and habitually stroking a mop of gray hair grant the production its most entertaining moments.

It’s telling to compare The Fantasticks to its predecessor at the CTC, the popular The Producers. In the earlier production, the company excelled in group numbers with exciting choreography and Mel Brooks’ campy absurdity and the strong supporting cast bolstered the leads.

The challenge of a small musical is that the crowd-pleasing razzle-dazzle isn’t built in. A cast of only eight must create the empathy and rapport with the audience. The story within The Fantasticks takes a company far with its sweetness and surprising depth in a seemingly simple tale. However, despite the lovely songs and proficient individual performances, the CTC’s production as whole falls a little short in truly compelling the audience.

The Fantasticks $10-$25 October 7-10 Main Stage, Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.com

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A&E Calendar Highlights Friday

Thursday

Nicely Walking Tour of Ross’s Landing Stroll around and learn about one of the city’s most historic areas. $3 6 p.m.

Meet in the Tennessee Aquarium Plaza, 615 Lindsay St. (423) 265-3247, ext. 10

Send your calendar events to us at calendar@chattanoogapulse.com

Chattanooga RiverRocks 7:30 a.m. Various locations. www.riverrockschattanooga.com Chattanooga Market Thursday Plaza Party 11 a.m. Miller Plaza, 850 Market St. www.chattanoogamarket.com Harvest for Hope 5:30 p.m. The Mill Event Hall, 1601 Gulf St. (423) 870-6880. www.hosannacommunity.org Flicks Café: The Conversation 6:30 p.m. Chattanooga-Hamilton County Bicentennial Library, 1001 Broad St. (423) 757-5310.

The Fantasticks!

7 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534.

Dead Man’s Cell Phone 7:30 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center, corner of Vine St. & Palmetto St. (423) 425-4269.

Tosh Tour Twenty Ten 7:30 p.m. Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad St. (423) 757-5050.

The Learned Ladies 8 p.m. Sanderson Hall Auditorium at Covenant College, 14049 Scenic Hwy. (706) 419-1051. www.covenant.edu/theatre

Chattanooga Bach Choir Cantatas 135, 2 and 7 by J.S. Bach $15 suggested donation 7:30 p.m.

St. Timothy’s Episcopal Church, 630 Mississippi Ave., Signal Mountain. (423) 886-6469, www.chattanoogabachchoir.org

Saturday

Cairo Time Independent Film Festival’s newest is about an unexpected love affair in Cairo.

For times, visit www.carmike.com Carmike Majestic 12, 311 Broad St. www.artsedcouncil.org

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Chattanooga RiverRocks 7:30 a.m. Various locations. www.riverrockschattanooga.com “After Disappearance” Artist Talk and Reception 4:30 p.m. Sewanee’s University Art Gallery, 68 Georgia Ave. www.sewanee.edu/gallery 6th Annual Blast Off! “Are You Smarter than a Girls Inc. Girl?”

6:30 p.m. The Mill Event Hall, 1601 Gulf St. areyousmarterthanagirlsincgirl.com Wild & Scenic Environmental Film Festival 7 p.m. Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (800) 265-0695. www.tnaqua.org Banana Ball 7 p.m. Chattanooga Zoo, 301 North Holtzclaw Ave. www.chattzoo.org A Little Bit of Country & Rockn-Roll 7:30 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-5000. www.choochoo.com Patrick Garrity 7:30, 10 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com

Endgame 7:30 p.m. Ensemble Theatre of Chattanooga, 1918 Union Ave. (423) 987-5141. ensembletheatreofchattanooga.com Bridge to Terabithia (Youth Theatre) 7:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 2678534. www.theatrecentre.com Dead Man’s Cell Phone 7:30 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center, corner of Vine St & Palmetto St. (423) 425-4269.

Chattanooga Ghost Tour 7:30 p.m. Walnut Street Bridge, 1 Walnut St. (423) 821-7125. www.chattanoogaghosttours.com The Fantasticks!

8 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.com Mystery of Flight 138 8:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. www.funnydinner.com Female Impersonation Show Midnight. Images, 6065 Lee Hwy. (423) 855-8210. www.imagesbar.com

Sunday Chattanooga RiverRocks 7:30 a.m. Various ocations. www.riverrockschattanooga.com Red Bank Market & Music Fest 10 a.m. Red Bank City Park. www.redbanknpa.org Bark in the Park 10 a.m. Heritage Park, 1428 Jenkins Rd. ww.chattbarkinthepark.org Chattanooga River Market 10 a.m. Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (800) 265-0695.

Brainerd Farners Market 10 a.m. Grace Episcopal Church, 20 Belvoir Ave. (at Brainerd Rd.) Mosaic Market 11 a.m. 412 Market St. (corner of 4th/Market). (423) 624-3915 Art Til Dark Noon. Northshore. (423) 413-8999. arttildark.wordpress.com Endgame 2 p.m. Ensemble Theatre of Chattanooga, 1918 Union Ave. (423) 987-5141.

The Learned Ladies 2:30 p.m. Sanderson Hall Auditorium at Covenant College, 14049 Scenic Hwy.

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Showtime! 2010 7:30 p.m. Roland Hays Concert Hall, UTC Fine Arts Center, corner of Vine and Palmetto. www.sceniccitychorus.com Patrick Garrity 7:30, 10 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com Dead Man’s Cell Phone 7:30 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center, corner of Vine St. & Palmetto St. (423) 425-4269.

Bridge to Terabithia (Youth Theatre) 7:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 2678534. www.theatrecentre.com Camp Out To Stamp Out Family Homelessness 8 p.m. First Tennesee Pavilion, 1826 Reggie White Blvd.

(423) 413-5075.

The Fantasticks!

8 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.com Female Impersonation Show Midnight. Images, 6065 Lee Hwy. (423) 855-8210.

The Fantasticks!

Last chance to see the world’s longest-running musical as it takes a romantic bow at the CTC. $10-$20 2:30 p.m.

Chattanooga Theatre Centre, Main Stage, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.com

Chattanooga RiverRocks 9:00 a.m. Various locations. www.riverrockschattanooga.com Chickstock 2010 11 a.m. North Chickamauga Creek Greenway, Hixson, TN. Chattanooga Market 11 a.m. First Tennessee Pavilion, 1826 Carter St. (423) 266-4041.

Paws in the Park 1 p.m. Baylor School, 171 Baylor School Rd. www.heschatt.com Bridge to Terabithia (Youth Theatre) 2:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534.

Endgame 3 p.m. Ensemble Theatre of Chattanooga, 1918 Union Ave. (423) 987-5141.

Community Arts Funding Event Grant Supper 6 p.m. Planet Altered, 48 E. Main St. (423) 400-4100. www.planetaltered.com Book launch: JJ’s Bohemia Oh-10 Yearbook 6 p.m. Leo Handmade Gallery, 22 Frazier Ave.

A&E Calendar Highlights Monday Annual “Soup”er Bowl II Golf Tournament 8 a.m. Lupton City Golf Course, 570 S Crest Rd. (423) 322-3066. www.chattfoodbank.org Chattanooga Pride Festival: Pot Luck Dinner 6 p.m. Chucks II, 27 W Main St. www.tennesseevalleypride.com Live Team Trivia 6 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5840 Lake Resort Ter. (423) 870-0770. www.chattanoogatrivia.com Friends of Moccasin Bend National Park 2010 Lecture Series 7 p.m. Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. www.moccasinbendpark.org Speak Easy: Spoken Word and Poetry 8 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. facebook.com/thetheofficechatt “Flavors of Tuscany” by Cam Busch North River Civic Center, 1009 Executive Dr. Ste. 102.

(423) 870-8924. Annual “Soup”er

Tuesday Bowl II Golf Tournament 8 a.m. Lupton City Golf Course, 570 S Crest Rd. (423) 322-3066. www.chattfoodbank.org Chattanooga Pride Festival: Interfaith Service and Music 7:30 p.m. Pilgrim Church, 400 Glennwood Dr. www.tennesseevalleypride.com “Americana-Freedom” Juried Exhibition Shuptrine Fine Art Group, 2646 Broad St. (423) 266-4453.

“Platters” Jewish Cultural Center, 5461 N. Terrace Rd. (423) 493-0270.

“Butterfly Handled Tea Paraphernalia” Houston Museum of Decorative Arts, 201 High St. (423) 267-7176.

“Whispering Sisters and the Female Figurative Image” UTC Cress Gallery of Art, 752 Vine St. (423) 304-9789.

Local Artists Exhibit Reflections Gallery, Eastgate Town Center, 5600 Brainerd Rd. (423) 892-3072.

Wednesday Wednesday Annual “Soup”er Bowl II Golf Tournament 8 a.m. Lupton City Golf Course, 570 S. Crest Rd. (423) 322-3066. www.chattfoodbank.org Main Street Farmers Market 4 p.m. Main St. at Williams St. www.mainstfarmersmarket.com Chattanooga Pride Festival: Spaghettii Dinner 5:30 p.m. The Rock MCC, 1601 Foust St. www.tennesseevalleypride.com SE Funny People Search V 8 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com “What Comes With the Territory” UTC Cress Gallery of Art, 752 Vine St. (423) 304-9789.

“Their World” River Gallery, 400 E. 2nd St. (423) 265-5033.

I Year Anniversary Exhibition My Color Image Boutique and Gallery, 330 Frazier Ave. (423) 598-6202.

Editor’s Pick: Featured Event Of The Week

RiverRocks Traditional Music Gathering and Competition Hang out at the river with guitar, mandolin, banjo, fiddle players and bluegrass bands.

Free 10 a.m. – 5 p.m., Saturday, October 9 Coolidge Park, along the river www.riverrockschattanooga.com

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Arts & Entertainment

By Robert McCrory, Photos by David Ruiz

Book of Local Bragging Rights Let’s assume that you have never personally met or have never seen David Ruiz, or know his event photography moniker 423 Bragging Rights. Mind you, this is a rather large assumption.

If you even semi-frequently attend a live music show at one of our downtown venues, then it's very unlikely you wouldn’t at the very least recognize him.

Even less likely is it that you have never seen his photography on Facebook. The countless “tags” smeared across the social network of faces in crowds, identifying that you, your friends, your loved ones, your neighbors, your sig others and your fellow citizens were at last weekend’s show...and were all having one hell of a good time.

When it comes to live music and event photography, David is like a distilled, concentrated one-man deployment with a single mission: Get to as many venues and shows as possible, get the shots, edit the shots, post them for all to see and give the city something to brag about. And he has documented many things we should brag about. Musicians from around the country and around the world, artists and performers collaborating in ways that would pass muster in any city five times our size...there is David and his camera, giving the event a permenant bookmark in time and place.

A new project has emerged from his work, JJ’s Bohemia Oh 10 Yearbook,

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a collection of photographs from performances at JJ’s Bohemia taken over the last seven or so months of this year.

The collaboration between 423 Bragging Rights, JJ’s Bohemia and Leo Handmade Gallery (who will have the book in stock and on sale) will, for the first time, provide a perfectly bound book of David’s work for you to have lying handsomely on your coffee table.

The book launch will kick off with a smorgasboard of sights and sounds on Sunday, October 10, starting at Leo Handmade Gallery with a reception and the book on sale, then afterwards moving to JJ’s Bohemia for music from Hidden Spots, a DJ set and wrestling. Yes, wrestling.

It’s possible you have been in one of the 423 Bragging Rights photos. And those who share in the sheer joy of being out there, soaking in what the city has to offer, can relate to David Ruiz’s enthusiasm for doing the same. He’s out there every weekend giving us reminders that, at least every once in a while, we have something to brag about.

Book Launch, JJ’s Bohemia Oh 10 Yearbook 6 p.m.

Leo Handmade Gallery, 22 Frazier Ave. www.leogallery.blogspot.com

Book Celebration with Hidden Spots, DJ, Wrestling 9 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-1400.

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Life in the Noog

By Chuck Crowder

The Joys of Retirement T

“It was one of those jobs that you could see yourself holding down for the rest of your natural days if you could stand it that long.”

Chuck Crowder is a local writer and general man about town. His opinions are just that. Everything expressed is loosely based on fact, and crap he hears people talking about. Take what you just read with a grain of salt, but pepper it in your thoughts. And be sure to check out his popular website thenoog.com

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hrough an unfortunate recent job elimination, I find myself in a unique but fortunate turn in my career path.

After napping in a cubicle for the better part of the past nine years, I’ve been forced into early retirement and a decision on what to do for the rest of my life. What I’ve come up with will hopefully keep me from ever having to “prairie dog” my boss’s proximity again.

For the last 22 years, I’ve always filled in “copywriter” as my occupation on the old tax return. And really, that’s all I’ve ever done professionally. I was employed at variou advertising agencies around town for the first 14 years. Awesome “colorful” work environment complete with ping-pong, foosball, “think lounges” and of course cool creative opportunities to name the next local beer or come up with some off-the-wall way to make floor mats sound exciting.

But like we’re seeing nowadays in this economy, the Don Drapers of the world have always had a hard time keeping the Lucky Strike accounts profitable. So after getting laid off for the umpteenth time, I took a nosedive into the company ink and landed a job at a major local company doing corporate communications.

As boring as it might sound (and was), the job at least meant on-time rent payments, better benefits and shorter hours. In fact, it was one of those jobs that you could see yourself holding down for the rest of your

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natural days if you could stand it that long.

But in the end even that fail-safe plan failed and now I’m back to square one and the conundrum of figuring out where I’m going to land next.

Luckily my passion for traditional advertising has always driven me to actively maintain a steady stream of freelance projects through the years. I never did anything that would be considered a conflict of interest with my day job, just the occasional web site, press release, brochure or ad promoting everything from end-of-life tombstones to lively outdoor festivals. I even expanded my scope into print “journalism,” or whatever you wanna call the drivel you’re reading right now.

Regardless, the work has always been an outlet for feeding my creative side and has done its job of keeping my chops honed for just such an occasion. So now I’ve decided to do what I feel I should have done years ago— work for myself as a freelance copywriter.

I’ve got a buddy who reads the Economist cover to cover, and he swears that the career landscape is slowly but surely moving into “every man for himself ” mode. That doesn’t surprise me, as nearly 90 percent of my friends are already self-employed. But what the Economist likely doesn’t state is the true happiness I’ve always envied from those who do what they love, and have let the money follow.

My father worked at TVA for 30 years, and I remember him hating the last ten with a passion. Back then, you graduated from college, got a good job, raised a family and sold your soul to the company store until

they finally gave you a store-bought cake and a gold watch. Then you spent the last 10 to 15 years of your life trying to do the things you wanted to do back when you were young and limber enough to truly enjoy them.

Dad didn’t really know what to do with himself upon retirement, except take a contract job doing what he actually loved to do in the first place. Ten years later I think he probably wishes he’d taken a stab at meeting planning a long time ago. But those who took chances without a safety net back in his day were few and far between.

The real “entrepreneurs” were usually those who already had money, and wanted to make more. “Little square hamburgers? What the hell, a few more Benjamins in the till couldn’t hurt. And if it goes south, it’ll be a great tax write-off.”

Despite any sort of real starting capital however, my generation is forging a new road for themselves that typically includes 1) doing what you do best, 2) taking chances, and most of all 3) engaging in the fabled pursuit of happiness.

I’ve always teetered on the fence of security in a job I could do without, and taking a stab at happily making my own way. Not unlike those who’ve forged ahead on their own before me, I have responsibilities that require a steady income. And I realize that working for yourself in the creative field is more than just underwear computing, long lunches and scooters with matching messenger bags. But it’s a chance that for once I am more than ready to take.

And I don’t plan on ever looking back.

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Halloween Events, Haunted Houses and Trunk or Treats Friday: 9 a.m. - 6 p.m.

Saturday: 10:30 a.m. - 6 p.m.

Sunday: Noon - 6:30 p.m.

271 Chattanooga Valley Road, Flintstone, GA. www.enchantedmaze.com

Halloween Events Hamilton Place Mall Free Mall Trick or Treating 2100 Hamilton Place Blvd, Chattanooga.

October 31, 6 p.m. www.hamiltonplace.com

Haunted Barn $15 (coupon on web site) Fridays and Saturdays in October 7 p.m. - Midnight 5107 McDonald Road, McDonald, TN. thehauntedbarnchattanooga.com

Bradley Square Mall Free Mall Trick or Treating 200 Paul Huff Parkway NW, Cleveland.

October 31, 6 p.m. www.shopbradleysquare.com Northgate Mall Malloween 271 Northgate Mall, Chattanooga.

October 30, 3 p.m. – 5 p.m. www.visitnorthgatemall.com

through October 31 at 3 a.m.

Collective Visions Event Hall 1925 Rossville Ave., Chattanooga.

Spooky Days @ Creative Discovery $20 Advance; $30 2-Day Pass; Museum $25 Day of Show per day 321 Chesnut Street, www.tinyurl.com/2c44htq Chattanooga.

Classic Horror Films October 30, 3 p.m.

October 5 - Buffy the Vampire Storytellers at 1 p.m. and 3 p.m.

Slayer episodes “Hush” & “Once Admission: $10.95 More With Feeling.” www.cdmfun.org Public Library, 1001 Broad St., Chattanooga.

Boneyard Boogie – Halloween (423) 757-5310 Party lib.chattanooga.gov Friday, October 29, at 8 p.m.

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Haunted Houses Haunted Carnevil: Vampire Nation $20 (includes mini-golf and other treats) Fridays and Saturdays in October, Doors open at 7 p.m.

5918 Brainerd Road, Chattanooga. www.sirgoonys.com Enchanted Maize $9 Adults, $7 Kids Thursdays – Sundays in October Thursday: 9 a.m. - 6:30 p.m.

Haunted Hilltop $15 all ages Fridays and Saturdays in October 7 p.m. – 1 a.m.

8235 Highway 58, Harrison, TN. www.thehauntedhilltop.com Massacre on Meighan $20 Every Thursday - Sunday Doors open at 7 p.m. on Fridays and Saturdays 7 p.m. – 10 p.m. on Thursdays and Sundays 1404 Cowart St, Chattanooga. www.massacreonmeighan.com

Halloween Events, Haunted Houses and Trunk or Treats Blowing Screams Farm Forest of Fear - $15 Ghost Ride - $10 (Both for $20) Fridays and Saturdays in October Doors open at 7 p.m.

271 Chattanooga Valley Road, Flintstone, GA. www.blowingscreamsfarm.com Ruby Falls Haunted Cavern $22 at the door, ($20 online) September 25; October: 1, 2, 8, 9, 15-17, 21-24, 28-31 8 p.m. – 11 p.m.

1720 South Scenic Highway, Chattanooga. www.hauntedcavern.com Lodge of Fear $5 on October 8 $10 every night after

Chattanooga.

October 27 from 6:30 p.m. until all the candy is gone.

Chattanooga Valley Baptist 90 Nickajack Lane, Flintstone, GA. October 31 from 5 p.m. – 7 p.m. (while treats last) October 8, 9, 15, 16, 22, 23, 29, 30 (Every Friday and Saturday after first weekend of October) 8 p.m. – Midnight Masonic Lodge, 1500 Dodds Ave., Chattanooga. lodgehaunt.moonfruit.com House of Horrors $10 Every Friday and Saturday in October, also on Halloween.

7 p.m. – Midnight

(10 p.m. on Sundays) 140 Edwards Street, Cleveland. www.wewillscareyou.com Trunk or Treats Trinity Lutheran Church 5001 Hixson Pike, Hixson Oct. 29 from 5:30 p.m. - 7:30 p.m. (while treats last) Jones Memorial Church 4131 Ringgold Road,

St. Mark United Methodist 701 Mississippi Avenue, Chattanooga, October 31 from 5 p.m. until all the candy is gone.

Red Bank United Methodist Church 3800 Dayton Blvd, Chattanooga.

October 31 from 3 p.m. - 4:30 p.m. (while treats last)

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Spirits Within

By Joshua Hurley

Gris and Grigio I

taly’s pinot grigio and its stateside mutation, pinot gris, have slowly taken chardonnay’s place as the world’s numberone bestselling white wine. It’s not surprising. Pinot grigio is a light, crisp, unsophisticated white wine that pairs well with food and mixes well with people. This week we’ll learn the difference between pinot gris and pinot grigio and offer an exceptional new pinot gris from J Vineyards as Riley’s weekly “Great Buy”. Great Buys is where Riley’s Wine and Spirits on Hixson Pike in Hixson picks a favorite among Chattanooga’s largest selection of wine and spirits from around the globe and shares it with the readership of The Pulse. This week’s pick is J Pinot Gris.

J Vineyards was founded in 1986 by Judy Jordan, daughter of legendary wine producer Tom Jordan, founder of Jordan’s Vineyards in 1972. J Vineyards sits on 257 acres of Sonoma’s premiere Russian River Valley growing region, home to some of the world’s greatest white wine grapes.

The Russian River starts in Mendocino, runs south into Sonoma County, then west as it washes into the Pacific Ocean. The area that makes up the Russian River growing region starts in Sonoma County and then goes south toward Sebastopol.

Its eastern section includes Chalk Hill, located in Windsor, and extends west to the coastal hills of Green Valley. Sonoma’s Russian River offers rich soils, loaded with nutrients, which produce sturdy, healthy vines and cool coastal breezes that provide a longer growing season, allowing for an‘extended vine time in which grapes develop more intense flavor characteristics.

Pinot gris is a white grape and a mutant clone of the red grape, pinot noir. The fruit has a gray-bluish tint. In fact, “gris” translates into “gray” in French while “pinot” means “pine cone”, which refers to the shape of the grape clusters on the vine. Pinot gris grapes grown in the West Coast states tend to produce light-bodied wines with crisp, refreshing tastes of melon, fruit, peppery spice and a floral bouquet. Gris’ Italian clone, pinot grigio, also produces light-bodied wines, but Italian grapes can produce either a leaner wine, drier and more acidic or a sweeter version from pinot grigio grapes pinkish in color.

J Vineyards’ wines benefit from J’s marriage of older growing traditions and the latest new age innovations. Hand selection of only the finest grapes adheres more to the traditional methods, while J’s commitment to using only organic pesticides adheres to a new age “green” sentiment.

J Pinot Gris California 2009 is a blend of 100 percent pinot gris fruit grown in both the Russian River’s Preston Vineyards and Slusser Road Vineyards, plus pinot gris from several other vineyards near Salinas, Monterey County and Clarksburg. This wine is overflowing with fruity aromas and flavors of tangerine, jasmine, orange and vanilla, which combine to give it an unforgettably tasty finish.

Buy J Pinot Gris at Riley’s for $11.26 plus tax.

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Film Feature

By Phillip Johnston

With Friends Like These A

s the first image of David Fincher’s new film The Social Network fades in, we’re back in 2003 and Mark Zuckerberg, a curly-headed Harvard sophomore prone to wearing hoodies and with more than his share of social inelegance, is having a beer in a dimly lit Cambridge pub with Erica Albright, his girlfriend. Mark wants to gain access to the high social strata of Harvard. He’s speaking so fast that Erica can hardly understand him.

“I need to do something substantial, in order to get the attention of the clubs,” Mark says. “Because they’re exclusive. And they lead to a better life.” She questions him and calls him obsessed. “There’s a difference between being obsessed and being motivated,” Mark replies, his boyish face hiding the anger behind his eyes and the brilliance in his brain. The whole of The Social Network can be glimpsed in this first scene.

The exchange ends badly, like most of Mark’s conversations with women and men alike. He insults Erica deeply and without much care, finally leaving the bar moments later feeling personally spurned enough to blog about Erica’s status as a bitch.

This cocktail of angst and longing leads that same night to the creation of Face Mash, a site used to compare Harvard’s females to determine the hottest, an overnight sensation that crashes Harvard’s substantial servers in just four hours. Face Mash becomes The Facebook. The Facebook becomes just Facebook; odds are you’ve heard of it.

Face Mash becomes a sensation within the first 20 minutes of The Social Network, an incisive and entertaining picture about the origins of the world’s favorite social networking site. It’s a smart film written by Aaron Sorkin (The West Wing, A Few Good Men) and one that bears testament to the screenwriter’s trademark wit.

Sorkin’s gift for levity has always helped drag complicated narratives out the mire of too much information and onto accessible ground, a needed grace for the story of Facebook, a narrative so full of desperation, hope, betrayal, and isolation that no one except Mark Zuckerberg himself ever seems

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to know exactly what’s going on.

The journey from Face Mash to Facebook led Mark Zuckerberg into the good and bad graces of friends, colleagues, and classmates. The early years landed him a lot of trouble. Often called a liar and a cheat, Zuckerberg was sued and deposed multiple times and The Social Network effortlessly shifts back and forth between the deposition room and the dorm room. The focus is intensely on Zuckerberg, the brilliant young computer whiz who can’t seem to focus on any one conversation and who always seems to have an unending stream of computer code being written inside his brain The Social Network is the most dialogueintensive film David Fincher (Fight Club, Se7en) has yet made and one that shows that even a director known for innovation and a characteristic over-emphasis on stylistic flourishes can make a film that is crisp, straightforward, and unwaveringly faithful to a screenwriter’s vision. Unlike Fincher’s own The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, the magic of The Social Network is not in awe-inspiring images or visual candy. Here, Fincher’s camera navigates Sorkin’s script with the utmost clarity—and that is the loftiest goal for a film with a story that, when reduced to piles of information, can seem downright untellable.

A cadre of talented young actors populate The Social Network, many who seem to be using the film as either a springboard to bigger things or a major stepping stone into the world of serious dramatic acting.

Rooney Mara plays Erica Albright and her girl-next-door charm steals the three scenes she is in. Cameron and Tyler Winklevoss, the rich and spoiled “Men of Harvard” who together commission an early version of Facebook from Zuckerberg, are played with dry seriousness by Armie Hammer. There’s also The Disney Channel’s Brenda Song who, in a hysterical image-altering role, plays a Victoria’s Secret model named Christy who

has some vicious psychotic tendencies.

Of course, the centerpiece is Jesse Eisenberg, who plays the rambling Mark Zuckerberg. In a glossy collegiate setting like Harvard, Eisenberg’s Zuckerberg is anything but smooth as he taps away on clunky PC keyboards and loses friends by the minute.

Some may call him despicable, but there is some indescribable pathos here. By the end, Mark Zuckerberg has emerged as a tragic hero.

Your relationship to Facebook will temper how you view Zuckerberg. Is he simply a well-meaning geek who realized the potential of the Internet and leveraged it for personal gain or is he a divisive degenerate who took advantage of everyone around him in an attempt to climb the social ladder?

In Fincher’s film, Zuckerberg’s uncontrollable desire for social affluence molds him into a bearer of unparalleled influence. He never reaches the final clubs he’s so zealous about in the first scene, but did we ever expect him to? Perhaps a better question is: Did Zuckerberg himself ever expect to get in?

One thing is for sure, no one expected Mark Zuckerberg to become the world’s youngest billionaire. How did he do it?

Even after The Social Network, the words of Facebook ring true: “It’s Complicated.”

The Social Network Directed by David Fincher Starring Jesse Eisenberg, Rooney Mara, Justin Timberlake, Armie Hammer Rated PG-13 Running time: 2 hours

New In Theaters It’s Kind of a Funny Story A clinically depressed teenager gets a new start after he checks himself into an adult psychiatric ward, where he bonds with one patient and sparks with another. The indie director team of Anna Boden and Ryan Fleck team up for their third film, and are hoping to have more financial success than they did with either Half Nelson or Sugar. Keir Gilchrist steps away from United States of Tara to lead a film that gets most of its star power from one of the more unlikely movie stars working today in the form of Zach Galifianakis.

Early reviews, alas, haven’t been kind at all to the film, which may explain why it is being placed in October and getting almost no marketing push.

Starring Keir Gilchrist, Zach Galifianakis, Emma Roberts Directed by Anna Boden and Ryan Fleck

Life as We Know It Two single adults become caregivers to an orphaned girl when their mutual best friends die in an accident. While it sounds much more like a plot of a Lifetime movie, this feature film is actually a comedy with just a touch of drama. Veteran television directed Greg Berlanti, whose worked on shows ranging from Dawson’s Creek to Brothers & Sisters, brings a steady touch to the surprisingly likeable Heigl and Duhamel, though one wonders how much the offscreen antics of Heigl will distract from the marketing of the film.

Starring Katherine Heigl, Josh Duhamel Directed by Greg Berlanti

Secretariat The life story of Penny Chenery, whose racehorse, Secretariat, won the Triple Crown in 1973. Disney, the studio once known as the go-to place to make feel-good, triumph-overthe-odds, family-friendly movies, returns to its hallowed roots. It certainly doesn’t hurt to have such a strong cast to flesh out the admittedly amazing story of the last horse to win racing’s highest prize.

Starring Diane Lane, Scott Glenn, James Cromwell Directed by Randall Wallace

My Soul to Take A serial killer returns to his hometown to stalk seven children who share the same

birthday as the date he was allegedly put to rest. Remember when horror fans eagerly awaited the nest all-new creation from Wes Craven? Sadly, the last decade hasn’t been kind to the man who brought us classics such as A Nightmare on Elm Street, Scream and the underrated Red Eye. While his newest film break the downward spiral, or will his legacy have to rest with the upcoming Scream 4?

Starring Max Thieriot, Emily Meade, John Magaro Directed by Wes Craven

Stone A convicted arsonist uses his wife as a device to secure his release by getting her to seduce the aged parole officer in charge of his case. Ten years ago, the pairing of Norton and De Niro, not to mention the presence of Jovovich, would have been the talk of Hollywood. Too bad for all involved that the careers of all three (with the possible exception of De Niro) have not been all that stellar in the recent past. It certainly doesn’t help that the script and direction place this film firmly in the B-movie realm. Still, it is October and the choices at the box office are a bit slim...

Starring Edward Norton, Milla Jovovich, Robert De Niro Directed by John Curran

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The Art Of Business

Pure Barre: Hurts So Good H

aving dabbled in ballet and Pilates throughout my adult life, I felt somewhat prepared to experience the 55-minute fitness craze known as Pure Barre. Hailed as a total body workout that burns fat, produces lifted seats, toned arms, thin thighs, and flat abs by fusing elements of ballet, Pilates and weights, it promises results in nearly record time.

By Kathryn Dunn

“As every physiologist will tell you, the aches and pains may signify some muscle damage, but as the muscles repair themselves, you’ll come back fitter and stronger.”

By no means a gym rat, but not quite a couch potato, I was comforted to see women of all ages and body types inside the East Brainerd studio. Moments later Pure Barre owner Amanda Holmes began to distribute yoga mats, dumbbells, small exercise balls and resistance bands.

The first thing you notice about Holmes is her incredibly defined delts and traps (that’s deltoids and trapezius muscles for all you anatomically correct individuals), giving the petite fitness instructor a strong and graceful back. I couldn’t help but instantaneously lust after them, and wonder how much effort it took. According to Holmes, it’s all about small movements in order to produce big results in as little as 10 class sessions.

Pure Barre was created by dancer and choreographer Carrie Rezabek. Rezabek opened her first studio in 2001 in the basement of an office building in Birmingham, MI. Utilizing the ballet barre to perform small

isometric movements, the technique protects your joints as it does not involve any bouncing or jumping. Each strength section of the workout is followed by a stretching section in order to create long, lean muscle without bulk.

The formula was immediately popular, made its way to Los Angeles gaining mass notoriety and upon first licensing in 2006, quickly led to 35 studios across the county with another 50 or so franchises scheduled to open in the upcoming months.

It was a visit to the Birmingham, AL studio owned by a high-school classmate last March that piqued the interest of Holmes and led to a whirlwind opening by this ambitious 27-yearold on August 23, 2010. An athlete, she played and later coached at Lee University as assistant coach to the women’s soccer team while also pursuing her masters’ degree in mental health counseling. Though she looked at jobs after her completing her graduate degree, the tough economy made it difficult for her to find her next step. However, her love of healthy living, working with women, and boundless energy was such a natural fit in pursuing a Pure Barre franchise that she signed on just two months after her first class. “It was a fast process. I filled out the application, supplied financial and demographic information, and then headed to Denver to meet with Carrie and train for four days with my other instructors, which was extremely intense,” recalls Holmes.

Though she’s only been in business a little more than a month, the studio is attracting those in their early 20s to those into their 60s, with average class size being about 13. It’s easy

to see the attraction—from the moment you start until the very end, there is absolutely no zoning out. Though you are comfortable in socks and the environment is relaxed, your muscles immediately burn against the resistance of the equipment, requiring focus on each tuck and curl. And Holmes herself is no slacker. Doing the workout with you, she also moves about the room to individually instruct and correct students, supplying a personal training touch to the class. Holmes receives 11 thigh, eight seat, and four abdominal exercises every three months ensuring a fresh new workout virtually every week for you complacency-prone individuals.

For what it’s worth, I endured my share of trembling muscles, and post-exercise soreness.

But what was different is where I hurt. Not in the usual suspect of weak places, but in a number of areas that have always been difficult for me to access. As every physiologist will tell you, the aches and pains may signify some muscle damage, but as the muscles repair themselves, you’ll come back fitter and stronger. May my amazing back reveal itself in 10 classes or less if I stick with it at least three times a week! To help in this endeavor, Holmes is offering a one-month special to all new clients: unlimited classes for just $100.

As the studio is open seven days a week, there’s no excuse for not making your way to a different kind of barre.

Pure Barre is located at 1414 Jenkins Rd. Ste. 122. For more information, (423) 468-4960 or www.purebarre.com

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Free Will Astrology LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): “Dear Rob: A professional astrologer who read my chart told me that I have no willpower and that there is basically nothing I can do to change that. Any suggestions? I’m feeling helpless and passive at a time when I could really benefit from standing up for myself. — Listless Libra.” Dear Libra: What the supposedly professional astrologer told you is totally inaccurate. No one’s chart, ever, in the history of the world, indicates that they have no willpower.

Astrology doesn’t speak in such stupid ways. Besides that, you and the Libran tribe will soon have an excellent window of opportunity to bolster your willpower. The fun begins now and lasts until at least November 18. Get ready!

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): “Is it a dragonfly or a maple leaf / That settles softly down upon the water?” asks Amy Lowell in “Autumn Haze,” a poem from her book Pictures of the Floating World. She doesn’t need to know the answer to her question; either would be fine. In fact, the luxuriance of the moment lies in its ambiguity. The lolling sweetness thrives because of her freedom from having to define its origins. She is simultaneously alert and relaxed; attentive to the scene in front of her but content to let it be whatever it is. I highly recommend that you enjoy extended excursions into this state of being several times in the coming week.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): This morning I had to interrupt my meditation on your horoscope. I’d studied the astrological configurations and said my usual prayer, asking for guidance to come up with the oracle you need most. But nothing had occurred to me yet, and it was time to leave the house for an appointment. As I closed the door behind me, I was still in deep thought about you. Then my face hit something gauzy, and I pulled back. Overnight, a spider had spun a huge web spanning the entire porch frame. I’d knocked it a bit off-kilter, but it was still intact. “That’s got to be an omen,” I thought to myself as I stooped under it and continued on my way.

An omen of what? A little voice in my head gave the answer: Sagittarius is ready to merge more directly with the great web of life.

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The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 40 | October 7, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

By Rob Brezsny Truthrooster@gmail.com ARIES (March 21-April 19): Much of the reader mail I receive is friendly. But now and then I’ll get a message like this: “I’ve followed your horoscopes with pleasure for years. But I must say, you’ve really lost it lately. I can’t stand the garbage you’ve been slinging. What happened to you?” My response is to wonder why the person never wrote to me while he was happy with my efforts.

It reminds me of a quote by Leon Uris: “How often in life it is that we have no time for our friends but all the time in the world for our enemies.” It also reminds me of how tempting it is to focus on what repels us and scares us, shortchanging the dreams that excite us. Your assignment in the next four weeks, Aries, is to reward what you like and pursue what you want. For now, forget about what you don’t like and don’t want.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): The worst painting in history is hanging in San Francisco’s De Young Museum.

It is “Noel and Bob” by Joan Brown. It’s so awkwardly garish and trivially monstrous that I can only conclude Brown possessed what might be termed “negative genius.” It’s not just that she had no talent. She actually had the opposite of brilliant talent. And yet I must confess I had a good time gazing at this anti-artistic botch. I thoroughly enjoyed laughing at it, and was quite pleased at the jokes my companions and I made about it. I suggest that in the coming week you try something similar: enjoying the entertainment value and educational merit of clumsy, ungainly, out-of-whack stuff. Doing so will sharpen your wits for the not-toodistant future, when you will come into proximity to a lot of understated beauty and elegance and grace.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Is my enjoyment of the Temptations’ song “My Girl” diminished by the fact that it was used in a commercial for Sun Maid Raisins? Does Jose Gonzalez’ tune “Heartbeats” evoke less feeling in me because I know it was used as the soundtrack for a Sony TV commercial? Well, yeah, actually. The songs haven’t been totally wrecked for me, but neither do they make my heart soar anymore. Is there anything like that in your life, Gemini? Some pure and innocent pleasure that has been tainted or watered down? Believe it or not, you could restore it to its original state in the coming weeks.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): If you have been in tune with the cosmic rhythms these past ten months, you’ve been erecting bridges like a master builder. Your careful planning and guidance have conquered an abyss or two. Seemingly irreconcilable differences are no longer irreconcilable. Unlikely connections have bloomed.

You’ve combined ingredients that no one thought could be blended. Between now and your birthday, your good work should reach a climax. It’s time to inspect your craftsmanship, polish any rough edges, and be sure that your creations will last.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): For the moment, set aside your complaints about the transgressions of your original family. Cease your laments about the struggles you had to endure as a child. If you enjoy marinating yourself in those sorrows, you can always return to them at a later date. Here are the opportunities that are now available to you: to focus on the gifts that your early life blessed you with . . . to acknowledge the resources bequeathed to you by the past…to celebrate and access the primal power that has been yours to draw on since the day you were born.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): I have no financial interest in the product known as Bacon Air Freshener (tinyurl. com/BaconAroma). When I urge you to consider buying it and placing it in your favorite environment, it’s not because I’ll get a kickback, but only because I suspect you’ll benefit from its specific aromatherapy effects. In my astrological opinion, your yearning for delicious fatness needs to be stimulated; certain key elements in your future require you to feel excited about thick, rich, tasty sensations. I think this is true even if you’re a vegetarian, although maybe you’d prefer having an avocado, coconut, or chocolate air freshener.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Nose jobs are at an all-time high.

Every year, American plastic surgeons cumulatively scrape away more than a mile of flesh and bone from their patients’ sniffers. I predict that in the coming weeks, the noses of the entire planet’s Leo tribe will shrink 10,000 times that amount, at least metaphorically. Why? Because I expect an epidemic of truth-telling to break out among you. There’s going to be a mass outbreak of the Pinocchio effect in reverse. Congratulations in advance for the candor you’re about to unleash. Be kind and diplomatic if you can, but insist on revealing the whole story.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): In Germany, people can pay the weather service to have a storm or weather system named after them. A normal rainstorm costs just over $250. That’s the kind of event I’d want to give your name to in the coming week, Pisces—not a full-on destructive tornado or hurricane, but rather a healthy squall that makes everything wet and clears the air. You definitely need to release some tension in a dramatic way, but not in a melodramatic way.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Many American towns with “burg” in their names used to end as “burgh.” In the late 19th century, a federal bureau demanded that they drop the silent final “h.” The people of Pittsburgh rose, up, however, and demanded the right to retain their precious “h.” Their wish was granted. I strongly advise you to be inspired by Pittsburgh’s adamant insistence on maintaining its identity, Virgo. Don’t let yourself be truncated, abbreviated, or standardized.

Across 1 Sensitivity training targets 7 Just about 13 They may be made without the yolks 15 Pasta specification 16 Forms a menacing group 17 Eye drop that makes your pupils widen, e.g.

18 They think alike, according to the saying 20 Mythological 2011 movie with Anthony Hopkins 21 “My Name Is Asher ___” 22 Heavy snorer’s problem 23 Letter that looks like a horseshoe 24 List-ending abbr.

26 ___-hoo (chocolate drink) 27 Forest clearings 28 Uppity type 30 Gets the tangles out 32 Travel like a scent 34 Rancid’s category 35 Dining option 38 He loved Lucy 41 Raid the arsenal early 42 Move like a wallaroo 44 London gallery

–four hidden sources of it.

46 Drink in a sleeve 47 Painter Matisse 49 WWII naval vessel 50 E pluribus ___ 51 Rite of passage for girls 53 Apostle known as “The Zealot” 55 Calm down 56 Forcing out 57 Specification in the ketchup aisle 58 Came to be, like an uncertain feeling 59 Exactly Down 1 Word game with dice 2 Turkish inns 3 Certain urban Swiss 4 Olympian Korbut 5 The T in Ferrari TR 6 Short and thick 7 Boxers Muhammad and Laila, for two 8 Bad variety of cholesterol 9 The dating scene, to some 10 Discreetly 11 Iggy Pop’s backup group, with “The”

12 Mountainous regions of planets 14 Driving disasters 15 ___-line phone plans 19 Gas in glass 23 Warner who played Charlie Chan 25 It can be 1% 27 Wildebeest 29 Wilkes-___, Pa. 31 Soundgarden hit of 1994 33 Having XX chromosomes: abbr.

35 Spanish tennis champ ___ Sanchez Vicario 36 Request when your friends are locked out 37 Country guitarist Atkins 39 Rescue from destruction 40 “Jumpin’ Jack Flash” refrain 41 They’re positive 43 The joint 45 Old anesthetics 47 Put up some paintings 48 “___ easy to fall in love...”

51 City on the Rhine 52 Gozer’s minion, in “Ghostbusters” 54 DI doubled

Crossword created By Matt Jones. © 2010 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle #0488.

Solution To Last Week’s Crossword

JONESIN’

“Grab Some Cash”

Crossword solutions every week at www.chattanoogapulse.com www.chattanoogapulse.com | Octber 7, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 40 | The Pulse

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Ask A Mexican!

By Gustavo Arellano

Special Gracias Edicion

“Gracias for reminding my readers that today’s gabachos were yesterday’s illegals, and that not all of today’s gabachos hate Mexicans—just a chingo of them.”

Ask the Mexican at themexican@ askamexican.net, be his fan on Facebook, follow him on Twitter or ask him a video question at youtube.com/askamexicano!

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Dear Mexican, Mexico is truly an amazing, beautiful country! Huge oil reserves, mineral deposits second to none, tourist potential unparalleled! God gave Mexico every possible advantage. And yet the Mexicans, in all their wisdom and intellect, have turned it into a backwater, undeveloped narco-ruled Third World cesspool of corruption and poverty. How were you able to achieve such an accomplishment? Are you and other Mexicans just that stupid? I mean, really! How could you take such potential and turn it into a steaming pile of dung? Mexico should have a GDP rivaling any civilized country, but it remains a shithole to a level rarely seen outside of impoverished Africa. It seems to me that, like locusts, you ruined your own country and are now moving on to our fertile ground with nothing more to offer than knocked-up teenagers, gangbangers, illiterate generations, drug warfare, killings and kidnappings, with a generous dose of arrogance. Firstly, how can a people totally piss away such potential?

Secondly: with that track record, why should Americans expect you to achieve anything greater here in the States?

— Someone Who Sees You for What You Are—Failures!

Dear Gabacho, Gracias for your amazing insights. You’re a funny guy, and by “funny” I mean “drunk off your cabeza.” Mexico, a third-world country? I established last year that Mexico is firmly in the bottom rung of the First World, thank you very mucho. Mexico, not

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 40 | October 7, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

possessing a high GDP? Ranked fourteenth last year, behind Australia but ahead of South Korea—and that’s not including our narco profits. Mexico, undeveloped? You obviously think Mexican skyscrapers are limited to saguaro cactuses and Aztec pyramids. Mexicans, piss away such potential?

Sure, we can always improve, but I think Americans are hardly in a place to criticize given our self-made Great Recession. Mexicans, locusts? We’re cockroaches, silly! And finally: Mexicans, achieve anything greater in el Norte? Already doing that—and if you don’t believe me, talk to all those undocumented college students that graduate every year from college, pinche puto pendejo baboso.

Dear Mexican, It seems like the Reconquista is simply just the 21st-century version of Mexico’s Manifest Destiny, complete with the 21st-century’s version of the white man’s burden. Aren’t those who support the Reconquista just saying that it’s Mexico’s Manifest Destiny to re-conquer America?

— Neither a Xenophobe nor Hegemonist Be Dear Gabacho, Key difference is that the United States never previously possessed the lands it forcibly took from Plymouth Rock to Tacoma, while Mexicans at least at one point occupied the American Southwest. At least we have a justifiable excuse for taking back what was ours; y’all were just unashamed thieves in stealing from the Indians and

nosotros. But gracias for asking!

Dear Mexican, I’ve been living in California my entire life.

I’m the grandson of East European immigrants, and quite frankly? There is no proof that my family came here legally. Furthermore, all evidence points to the contrary. It was before World War II, and my family has no documentation of entry whatsoever. Half of my friends are Latino, my ex-wife is Mexican. Hell, my scoutmaster was a third-generation Mexican-American cop when I was a kid, and it doesn’t get much more patriotic than the freaking Boy Scouts. I know the awesome family that owns my local taquería better than I know my own, and hell, I don’t even call it “Mexican” food any more. I call it “Wednesday.”

Point being? I am a pale-assed, white (and possibly illegal) resident and I’m sick to death of the hypocrisy, racism and vitriol directed at my Mexican friends and family. So sick, in fact, that if Congress repeals the anchorbaby amendment I will voluntarily hand over my own citizenship. What the hell does “citizenship” even mean anymore if we’re going to taint it like this? We should all be ashamed.

— Thanks for Letting Me Vent Dear Gabacho, Gracias for reminding my readers that today’s gabachos were yesterday’s illegals, and that not all of today’s gabachos hate Mexicans—just a chingo of them.