The Pulse - Vol. 7, Issue 41 by Brewer Media Group

Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative

Election 2010: The Candidates, The Issues

FREE • News, Views, Music, Film, Arts & Entertainment • October 14, 2010 • Volume 7, Issue 41 • www.chattanoogapulse.com

President Jim Brewer, II Publisher Zachary Cooper Contributing Editor Janis Hashe News Editor / Art Director Gary Poole Director of Sales Rhonda Rollins Local Sales Manager Jonathan Susman Advertising Sales Rick Leavell, Townes Webb Graphic Design Jennifer Grelier Contributing Writers Gustavo Arellano, Rob Brezsny Chuck Crowder, Michael Crumb John DeVore, Joshua Hurley Stuart James, Matt Jones Ernie Paik, Gary Poole Alex Teach, Sarah Waugh Editorial Cartoonist Rick Baldwin Calendar Editors Bryanna Burns, Josh Lang Editorial Interns Blake Hampton, Reginald Owens Contact Info: Phone (423) 265-9494 Fax (423) 266-2335 Email Inquiries info@chattanoogapulse.com Calendar Submissions calendar@chattanoogapulse.com The Pulse is published weekly and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publishers may take more than one copy per weekly issue. The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors.

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Brewer Media 1305 Carter Street Chattanooga, Tennessee 37402 Letters to the editor must include name, address and daytime phone number for verification. The Pulse reserves the right to edit letters for space and clarity. Please keep letters within 300 words in length. The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on culture, the arts, entertainment and local news.

2010

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Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative

AL ON se NU TI CE Pul AN OLU AN he D T EV A k in F

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12 ELECTION 2010: THE CANDIDATES, THE ISSUES By Janis Hashe, Stuart James By the time you read this, Election Day 2010 will be less than three weeks away. On November 2, Chattanooga voters will go to the polls to help elect a new governor and a new representative to Congress. Early voting started October 13, so perhaps you’ve already made your decisions and cast your votes.

feature stories 20 ROCK AND ROLL TO THE RESCUE By Hellcat One of the things I have always loved about our music scene is that beyond all the drama, there are some really good hearts involved. We always seem to come together if there is someone in need; particularly, if that unfortunate soul in need of our help is a child.

28 DRACULA RISES—AGAIN By Michael Crumb Dracula—The Un-Dead has emerged as the official sequel to Bram Stoker’s Dracula. One of its authors, Dacre Stoker, will be signing copies at Rock Point Books on Saturday.

36 NOT SUCH A FUNNY STORY By John DeVore Disappointment is amplified when an experience starts with great potential. If you are a football fan, you most likely understand this. You team dominates the first half with a considerable lead. Your quarterback is on fire. The crowd is excited. You feel like you can sit back and enjoy.

news & views 5 6 10 19 38 46

PULSE BEATS BEYOND THE HEADLINES FIVE QUESTIONS ON THE BEAT LIFE IN THE NOOG ASK A MEXICAN

everything else 4 5 9 9 23 24 29 41 42 44 45

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR CITY COUNCILSCOPE POLICE BLOTTER THE LIST NEW MUSIC REVIEWS MUSIC CALENDAR A&E CALENDAR DINING SPOTLIGHT SPIRITS WITHIN FREE WILL ASTROLOGY JONESIN’ CROSSWORD

Letters to the Editor No Need For Whitewash Graffiti is still largely misunderstood by those that have manicured lawns and minivans. I’ve been in Atlanta now for 8 years and believe me, there’s no shortage of graffiti here. And a vast majority of it is wonderful and outspoken. Billboards, highway signs and stone walls are the ad space of those who no desire to pay a network for ad space. I honestly believe that this form of clandestine artwork adds charm and a form of intelligence to a city. Keeps us on our toes. Lets us know that no amount of whitewash will keep people silenced. Ray Heffner More Recall News It might be time to move on to something that matters. This [recall] group failed to make their name on this one and should try something else. It’s called beating a dead horse, where I come from. Joe Maxwell Since when is an appeal heard by the exact same judge who made the ruling that is being appealed? That is unheard of and

stinks to high heaven of corruption. It’s a clear conflict of interest and should be heard by a different judge, as all appeals are. Especially given the obvious, which is the judge who handed down the original ruling, Circuit Court Judge Jeff Hollingsworth, has a vested interest in appearing correct with his original ruling. What judge in their right mind would overturn their own ruling? Doing so would be the equivalent of admitting incompetency in applying the law in their original ruling. B. Mac Support For Chuck Good for you, Chuck [“The Joys of Retirement”, Life In The Noog]. Even with your positive outlook, I am sure this is a little scary; we will shoot up a little prayer for you now and then. Terry Farr Red Bank Middle School The last shall be first. Red Bank Middle currently occupies one of the oldest unrefurbished public school buildings in Hamilton County (pre-1935!). Yet its

teachers, administrators and coaches are unusually effective in guiding students through the formative grades 6 through 8. Special education and related arts in particular could serve as a model programs for other middle schools. It will be impressive to see what more this cohesive team delivers when they are transplanted just over the hill—to the newest building in our system. Jim Frierson

Send all letters to the editor and questions to info@chattanoogapulse.com We reserve the right to edit letters for content and space. Please include your full name, city and contact information.

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 41 | October 14, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

Pulse Beats Health Department Ready For Flu Season

Quote Of The Week:

A rundown of the newsy, the notable, and the notorious...

Starting October 18, the seasonal flu vaccine will be offered in the Chattanooga-Hamilton County Health Department’s Third Street, Ooltewah, Sequoyah and Birchwood clinics. Residents can schedule flu vaccination appointments at any of these locations by calling between the hours of 8 a.m. and 4 p.m. • Third Street Facility: 209-8050 • Ooltewah Health Center: 238-4269 • Sequoyah Health Center: 842-3031 • Birchwood Health Center: 961-0446 “We are excited that it is easier than ever for anyone over 6 months of age to receive influenza vaccine, regardless of risk group,” said the Health Department’s Tammy Burke. “There are no priorities given to certain highrisk or age groups as there have been in recent years, there are ample supplies of vaccine and there are multiple locations in the community where a person can get flu vaccine.” The CDC recommends annual flu vaccine for everyone age 6 months and older to reduce their risk of getting the flu. It is also important that the public understands that some people are at a high risk of having serious complications from seasonal flu. These people and those who live with or care for those at high risk for serious complications are especially urged to be vaccinated. People who should get seasonal flu vaccinations each year are: 1. Anyone 6 months of age and older who wants to reduce their risk of becoming ill with seasonal influenza. 2. People at high risk for complications from the flu, including: • Children aged 6 months until their fifth

birthday • Pregnant women or women who will become pregnant during the influenza season • People 50 years of age and older • People of any age with certain chronic medical conditions • People who live in nursing homes and other long term care facilities • People who are morbidly obese (BMI above 40) 3. People who live with or care for those at high risk for complications from flu, including: • Household contacts with persons at high risk for complications from the flu (see above) • Household contacts and out-of-home caregivers of children less than 6 months of age (these children are too young to be vaccinated) • Healthcare workers The seasonal flu vaccine protects against three influenza viruses that research indicates will be most common during the upcoming season. The viruses in the vaccine change each year is based on what the predominantly circulating flu viruses have been in the previous flu season. The 2010-2011 flu vaccine will protect against 2009 H1N1, and two other influenza viruses (an H3N2 virus and an influenza B virus). It takes two to four weeks after the vaccination for protective antibodies to develop. Because immunity wanes over time, annual vaccination is necessary, regardless of which strains are in any given year’s vaccine.

“Wind energy is an increasingly valuable part of our generation portfolio.” —TVA Senior Vice President John Trawick, after the agency agreed to purchase up to 201 megawatts of renewable energy from a wind farm in Kansas.

Here is one of the more interesting agenda items set to be discussed at the Tuesday, October 19 meeting of the Chattanooga City Council.

The health department is offering the vaccine as an injection (shot) and in the nasal mist form (FluMist™). The flu shot is approved for people older than 6 months, including healthy people and people with chronic medical conditions. As an alternative to the flu shot, healthy, non-pregnant, people ages 2 to 49 years may choose the nasal spray vaccine, FluMist™. The cost of the flu shot or nasal spray vaccine is $30. Pneumonia vaccine will also be available for $52. Flu and pneumonia vaccines combined are $67. Any patient who gets a flu or pneumonia vaccine can get a tetanus shot for free. The Health Department accepts Medicare Part B, Blue Advantage, Railroad Medicare, TennCare, cash, or check. “We are encouraging everyone who can be vaccinated to do so, as it is the single best way to protect yourself against the flu,” said Tammy Burke. “And just as important, you should get vaccinated to protect the people you care about, especially if you have contact with infants, young children, the elderly or someone with chronic illness.”

5. Ordinances - Final Reading: g) An ordinance appropriating an additional $90,068.00 from the General Fund Contingency to the Chattanooga-Hamilton County Bicentennial Library as a match of Hamilton County Funds, to be used for elevator repairs and roof repairs of the downtown central library building. For years, the city and county have shared the expenses of funding the ChattanoogaHamilton County Bicentennial Library, though there have been a number of times when that sharing has not been very equal (the city funding a greater share in nearly all of those cases). So it is always good news to see both elected groups—the City Council and the County Commission— work together on finding money for something quite needed. The Chattanooga City Council meets each Tuesday at 6 p.m. in the City Council Building at 1000 Lindsay St. For more information on the agenda and minutes from past meetings, visit www. Chattanooga.gov/City_Council/110_Agenda.asp

www.chattanoogapulse.com | Octber 14, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 41 | The Pulse

Beyond The Headlines

By Sarah Waugh

Will the Leaf Turn Over a New Chattanooga? S

ome are calling the new versions of electric cars a movement—an electric revolution, even—and one envisions sweeping changes across Chattanooga when the first new models roll into town. But when economics are factored in, it looks more and more like electric cars might take a very long time to complete the distance. Chosen alongside a handful of other cities to test the new car-charging network, Chattanooga has developed substantial “green credibility.” Continuing a campaign begun more than 40 years ago to reduce air pollution, for example, Hamilton County requires that every car pass an emissions test before registration can be renewed. Electric shuttles have roamed downtown streets since 1992. And the parking citation issuers have been cruising around in new Toyota hybrids since 2008. It seems fitting, then, that the 2011 Nissan Leaf, the first of the full-sized electric sedans to reach the American market, will make a test run in Chattanooga. The car costs somewhere around $3 to charge and covers 100 miles before it needs to be plugged in again. That’s good news for people interested in saving energy and money—but how many residents can afford this kind of “cost cutting” when the base price for a Nissan Leaf is more than $33,000? In 2009, the U.S. Bureau of Economic Analysis calculated annual per capita income in metropolitan Chattanooga (Hamilton, Marion, Sequatchie, Catoosa, Dade and Walker counties) at only $33,824. That number reflects a drop of almost $2,500 in one year. Of course, government incentives bring the price down, and yes, the savings in fuel expenses must be taken into account. But even after the government and state incentives, it’s still a $25,000 car that has to be plugged in somewhere. And it can’t be plugged in just anywhere; it needs a special

charging station that costs another $2,500 on top of the cost of the car. Unfortunately, price isn’t the only hurdle. The process involved in actually purchasing the new electric vehicles (or EVs) reveals additional barriers to this “revolution”. It’s an on-order basis, according to Thomas Williams of Mountain View Nissan, and prospective buyers must live in Chattanooga. He said there is a seven-step process involved in buying the car. Buyers must be Chattanooga city residents—so no mountain dwellers—and must pass the inspection of their property for the charging station installation. The whole process takes about six months, but the car won’t be delivered to the buyer until either December or January. And even if a prospective buyer gets through this process, the charging stations still have to be installed in various locations around the city. The company in charge of the stations is not based in Tennessee and has several states in line for battery networks. Also, there is no factory in the United States equipped to build the cars yet. The first 1,000 Nissan Leafs will be shipped from a factory in Japan. New technology is always expensive at first. And it’s OK to take things slowly and to make some compromises. But perhaps the biggest obstacle to EV sales is that prospective buyers don’t get to test-drive one before purchasing. Who would agree to this stipulation? “These are people who take risks,” Williams said, pegging

“How many residents can afford this kind of ‘cost cutting’ when the base price for a Nissan Leaf is more than $33,000?”

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 41 | October 14, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

the annual income for the target buyer at $120,000 to $140,000. This kind of exclusivity doesn’t exactly support the notion of an EV revolution. It seems to further substantiate that the green lifestyle has become a status indicator. Based on these factors, it seems that the Leaf would be a hard sell in Chattanooga. And sure enough, so far only 19 people have reserved a car, but they’re still in the acceptance process, according to Williams. Not that he minds. Nissan’s U.S. headquarters is in Nashville, and TVA is a big backer of the EVs. Not only that, the city will soon be replacing the Toyota hybrids with Leafs. So the citizens of Chattanooga will be buying Nissan Leafs after all, it seems—albeit through their tax dollars. Isn’t a revolution when something new takes over and things are drastically different? Maybe when competition drives prices down, EVs will be an option for typical Chattanooga residents. But for now, it looks like most folks aren’t invited to this party.

www.chattanoogapulse.com | Octber 14, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 41 | The Pulse

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 41 | October 14, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

A weekly roundup of the newsworthy, notable and often head-scratching stories gleaned from police reports from the Chattanooga Police Department, the Hamilton County Sheriff’s Office, the Bradley County Sheriff’s Department and the Dalton Police Department.

• Who takes a cross-dressing date to an elementary school event? A man on the Tennessee sex offenders list has been arrested after visiting an elementary school. The 49-year-old man was taken into custody after he and a cross-dressing friend went to Grandparents’ Day at South Polk Elementary. Adults became suspicious of the pair when the cross-dresser, who is a man, went to the girls’ bathroom. Staff took photos of the two, and were able to match one of the men to the sex offenders list. He was able to post bond and is awaiting a court hearing on October 27. • The old adage about crime not paying is often very accurate. Employees of an insurance agency on Hixson Pike came into work and found a rear window broken and the petty cash drawer pried open. However, after having been victimized by several pervious burglaries, they had decided never to leave any cash in the drawer. Police investigators noticed a little blood near a small window, which the apparently very small thief had climbed through. Apparently the thief also had some stomach issues, as they also found two piles of vomit as well as a pornographic magazine outside the broken window.

• Breaking up may be hard to do, but fingering your soon-to-be-ex as a drug dealer is bound to get you in trouble. Local police officials said they received a very detailed tip about a woman passing through Chattanooga with a large amount of illegal narcotics. However, when they pulled the woman over, they quickly deduced she was not hauling drugs. In fact, it was the second time she had been accused by anonymous tip of being involved in illegal activities. She explained that she was going through a bad divorce, and suspects her estranged husband is trying to create trouble for her. Officers let her go, though they did issue her a warning on a pair of traffic violations that had led to the initial stop. • One reason it’s never a good idea to rob your neighbors: chances are, even if you’re masked, they can identify you. Which is why the suspect of a home invasion was caught by police just moments after the robbery. Sunday night, a 20-yearold man was seen by police walking in the area of 2000 North Chamberlain Avenue. He fit the description of a suspect who’d just robbed a couple at a Burton Avenue apartment complex. When police found him, the man was in possession of a sawedoff shotgun and a 9mm pistol, both of which were said to have been used in the crime. According to the victims, they were asleep in bed when they awoke and found

The List The Ten Most Badass Video Game Villains 1. Sephiroth: Final Fantasy 2. Bowser: Super Mario Brothers 3. M. Bison: Street Fighter 4. GlaDoS: Portal 5. You: Shadow of the Colossus 6. Albert Wesker: Resident Evil 7. Dr. Eggman: Sonic the Hedgehog 8. The Ghosts: Pac-Man 9. Lt. General Shepherd: Call of Duty 10. Yuri: Command & Conquer

a man standing over their bed. However, despite his face being partially covered by a mask, the victims said they recognized the suspect as someone who lived down the street from them. The suspect has been charged with aggravated robbery, aggravated assault and felony possession of a firearm.

Honorable mentions include Andrew Ryan in BioShock, Mother Brain in Metroid, Psycho Mantis in Metal Gear Solid, Donkey Kong in Donkey Kong, and the Nazis in every single World War II game ever made.

www.chattanoogapulse.com | Octber 14, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 41 | The Pulse

Five Questions

The Return of Max Hackett

By Gary Poole

“The city is really growing in an incredible way. I remember living downtown in the late ’70s and walking the streets of a dead town.”

ast week, talk-radio listeners in Chattanooga woke up to a familiar voice: Max Hackett. The 30-year broadcast veteran returned to the format he loves, taking on the morning reins at News Talk 95.3 WPLZ. His news credentials are impeccable. He was awarded the prestigious Thomas Jefferson award from the editors of Newsweek for excellence in television news while he was in the U.S. Navy, the highest honor given to a military broadcaster. He has also won five awards from the Tennessee Press Association for his work as a print journalist. What many people may not know is that Max comes from a family with a long history

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in Chattanooga. His great-grandfather, William Hackett, was chief of police in the city in the 1920s. His grandmother, Dorothy Hackett Ward, was head of the speech and theatre department at the University of Chattanooga for decades and is celebrated by the Dorothy Hackett Ward Theatre there. His father served as a Hamilton County sheriff ’s deputy before becoming a United States deputy marshal working out of the Solomon Building downtown during the civil-rights era. We sat down with Max to find out what’s on his mind about radio, politics and the city he calls home. The Pulse: What’s changed in Chattanooga media since you were last on the air? Hackett: Well, to be honest, not a lot. I suppose there is more automation and fewer real people from Chattanooga on the air. There seems to be less local flavor in all kinds of radio, but that was a trend long ago. The Pulse: What do you think are the three biggest issues facing the city right now? Hackett: The city is really growing in an incredible way. I remember living downtown in the late ’70s and walking the streets of a dead town. The Krystal on Cherry Street was the only business open after 9 p.m. So we have made amazing progress through the public/private partnership process, which was really quite visionary. What we have failed to deal with still are the quality of our schools, the poor racial relations we have, and the unnecessary separation of Hamilton County and Chattanooga city government, which leads to a tremendous waste of tax money and duplication of services. The Pulse: What can regular people do to

bring about real change in government? Hackett: Well, first they can actually speak with their representatives about their concerns instead or just complaining at the water cooler. Plus, I have found that decisions are made at the committee level, not at the actual council or commission meetings, so if you really want to see what is going on, find the time to get to those meetings. The Pulse: What are the positive things about Chattanooga? Hackett: There are too many to name. What a beautiful setting! We have the potential, with River Rocks and other like-minded initiatives, to become the Boulder, Colorado, of the South. We are a transportation hub, we have the Electric Power Board’s new gigabyte Internet service, we are located conveniently between Nashville and Atlanta and Knoxville and Birmingham. We have extraordinary history. And we have a very active and interested population who are committed to moving the community forward. The Pulse: What do you see as your purpose as a talk radio host? Hackett: To create a comfortable atmosphere for guests and callers to express themselves… and to have some fun. We have a great station, with a traffic system that covers the roadways with 62 cameras, giant screen weather radar that allows us to tell you when severe weather will hit your neighborhood or commute, a fantastic news department, plus national news from Fox Radio with the availability of Fox correspondents for telephone interviews when the story merits it. I want to take advantage of all of those elements and hand the bullhorn to the listeners to have their say and bring their own insights and ideas to the discussion. And have some fun.

www.chattanoogapulse.com | Octber 14, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 41 | The Pulse

Cover Story

Election 2010: The Candidates, The Issues

The political races are entering the final stretch. Early voting is underway, and candidates are emptying their warchests in a last-minute frenzy of ads and events. The Pulse Contributing Editor Janis Hashe went behind the campaign signs and commercials to find out what the candidates really thought, in their own words. 12

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 41 | October 14, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

Cover Story

By the time you read this, Election Day 2010 will be less than three weeks away. On November 2, Chattanooga voters will go to the polls to help elect a new governor and a new representative to Congress. Early voting started October 13, so perhaps you’ve already made your decisions and cast your votes. But if you haven’t, we offer some insight into some of the candidates’ views and positions. Whatever you decide—vote! Editor’s note: We did not edit the candidates’ comments, and they are in the article just as submitted.

Governor’s Race: Republican Bill Haslam We submitted these questions to both major candidates for governor. Below are Mr. Haslam’s answers. 1. As governor, what are the top three issues you intend to address immediately and why? For the past 21 months, my wife Crissy and I have traveled all over the state, visiting all 95 counties, and everywhere we go people want to know about my plans to create jobs, manage the state budget and strengthen education. If elected my primary goal will be to make Tennessee the No. 1 location in the Southeast for high quality jobs.

“If we’re to make Tennessee the No. 1 location in the Southeast for jobs it begins with education and workforce development so Tennesseans are educated and trained for the 21st Century workforce.”

Because job recruitment in Chattanooga looks different than in Union City, I would take a regional approach to job creation by focusing on and leveraging unique regional assets to attract and recruit businesses. I have been the Knoxville mayor since 2003, and we’ve managed the budget conservatively, making the difficult decisions leaders must make. We reduced our debt by 25 percent, tripled the size of the Rainy Day Fund and recently approved our third consecutive reduced budget. We also have the lowest property tax rate in more than 50 years. For education, I’ll hold the line on increasing the expectations of our educational system because we can’t go on being 41st out of 50 states in the rankings. I’d also pursue making sure each school is led by a great principal by coordinating leadership academies so principals receive the training they need. 2. Tennessee is emerging as a state willing and ready to make major changes in its public education system. What needs to be implemented as soon as possible and why? We have many great principals leading our schools, and I believe we can make real advances in Tennessee public education by having great principals at every

school. When you walk into a store or a school, you can tell immediately when it has great leadership, and I want to coordinate state leadership academies so our principals have the appropriate training to lead, and then I want to give them the autonomy to lead. Another advantage of having great principals is teacher recruitment and retention. Having a good principal is one of the primary drivers for attracting and retaining our best and brightest to lead classrooms. Tennessee also has some incredible opportunities in

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Cover Story front of it with the Race to the Top funds, Tennessee Diploma Project and our extensive collection of TVAAS data, but we’ll need a leader who will withstand the pushback that comes when there’s opportunity for real reform. 3. In major Tennessee metropolitan areas, more and more people are sinking below the poverty line. What can and should be done on the state level to reverse this? The most important thing we can do for our major metropolitan areas and those below the poverty line is ensure Tennesseans have access to a great education. Tennessee simply cannot remain 41st out of 50 states in education,

Governor’s Race: Democrat Mike McWherter Mr. McWherter’s answers to the questions: 1. As governor, what are the top three issues you intend to address immediately and why? Jobs, jobs, and jobs. In order to

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and we can’t continue to let 28,000 students drop out of our high schools. In Knoxville we have a program called Project GRAD that has made a real difference in high school graduation rates in our schools in low-income areas, and we started knoxAchieves, a last-dollar scholarship program for first-generation college applicants. During my Jobs Tour in March, nearly every business representative I spoke with cited our state’s struggles in education as a hindrance to job growth. If we’re to make Tennessee the No. 1 location in the Southeast for jobs it begins with education and workforce development so Tennesseans are educated and trained for the 21st Century workforce.

increase our state revenue so we can address other issues, the next governor must first put his efforts towards getting Tennesseans back to work. I’ve travelled to every 95 counties and talked with voters from Memphis to Mountain City about their struggles during these tough economic times. As governor, I’ll focus on supporting small businesses by providing targeted tax breaks to small businesses that create

Cover Story “Our state has used tax incentives to attract large corporations, and now it’s time to roll out the welcome mat for small businesses, support working families, and raise the living standards for all Tennesseans regardless of income level.” jobs. If we can get economy moving again, then revenue will be generated to infuse our state’s sales-tax based budget with the funds needed to address other issues, particularly education and restoring our state’s rainy day fund. 2. Tennessee is emerging as a state willing and ready to make major changes in its public education system. What needs to be implemented as soon as possible and why? While there are many educational initiatives which need to be implemented, we must first focus on following through with the First to the Top victory achieved by the state earlier this year. We must make sure to provide teachers and students the resources they

need to meet higher standards now required statewide. Teachers are the most important variable in a student’s educational equation; we need to examine alternative licensing programs and come up with creative ways to make sure schools have access to a talented pool of instructors.

3. In major Tennessee metropolitan areas, more and more people are sinking below the poverty line. What can and should be done on the state level to reverse this? The growing gap between the rich and the poor of this country must be addressed sooner rather than later. My small business tax break program is part of my effort to bolster those mom and pop businesses that keep this state going and create 95% of its jobs. Our state has used tax incentives to attract large corporations, and now its time to roll out the welcome mat for small businesses, support working families, and raise the living standards for all Tennesseans regardless of income level.

Third District Congressional Race: Republican Chuck Fleischmann The Pulse asked candidate Chuck Fleischmann to

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Cover Story respond to the following questions. Here are his answers: 1. What are the top three issues facing the Third District, in your opinion? 1) Unemployment 2) Too much government regulation 3) Economic & business development 2. If elected, how do you plan to work to unlock Washington gridlock?

I want to reign in government spending and regulation, and empower everyday Americans to make decisions for themselves. The right track is for individuals and families to choose their own track(s), not for them to be forced down a government mandated (wrong) track.

Third District Congressional Race: Democrat John Wolfe

I think what most people are tired of are the attitudes of lawmakers in Washington. There is no longer any civility or “sportsmanship”. I plan to go to Washington and stand up for the conservative values I believe in, but I will do it with a smile on my face.

“The right track is for individuals and families to choose their own track(s), not for them to be forced down a government mandated (wrong) track.” 3. Many voters feel the country is “headed in the wrong direction.” What do you believe they mean by that and how would you work to change it? Voters are tired of an overreaching government who tries to tax them to death and spend our grandchildren’s money—money they don’t have. They are tired of seeing a government who bails out failed institutions with money they do not have. Voters work hard to make a living for themselves and their families; they simply want the government to quit putting its hands in as many areas as possible.

John Wolfe did not expect to win the Democratic nomination for Congress. Neither did the political pundits. On election night, Wolfe called into Chattanooga’s News Talk 95.3 FM to ask if he had won the election. Wolfe is a pure “Yellow Dog”. As a Congressional candidate, he will not compromise his views. He is the Third District’s Don Quixote; like the fabled character, he is on a mission to deliver a liberal agenda he believes benefits the voters. His message, however, has many thinking Wolfe is chasing windmills. In prior elections, Wolfe ran for Congress twice and mayor once, losing each time. In each election, his liberal views resulted in significant losses. Wolfe will admit this. As a congressional candidate, Wolfe is, once again, delivering a leftist message. For example, Wolfe believes the president’s health care plan did not go far enough.

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Wolfe proclaims, “healthcare in the world’s wealthiest nation is a human right”, pointing out “47,000 people die annually...because they can’t afford...healthcare”. He says the failure to provide health care is “a blot on our national character.” Wolfe has no problem regulating Wall Street; he believes he is the candidate of Main Street advocating regulation of the financial industry. He delivers a strong anti-Wall Street message with his proposed “Wolfe Wall Street Tax”, in which he proposes a one-percent tax on all derivatives (stocks) traded, .50 percent taxed to the seller and .50 percent taxed to the buyer. He justifies the tax by saying, “you pay about 50 cents in taxes every time you buy a gallon of milk, and about $1,000 in annual property taxes on every $100,000 worth of land you own. “You can’t drink derivatives or live in them, so why should [Wall Street] receive special treatment?” Wolfe has been known to go on wild and unfocused attacks against those who oppose him. Cross him and he launches attacks against the attacker, even if the attacker is not his opponent. Wolfe recently launched attacks on radio that had nothing to do with his opponents, leaving many to believe he is disconnected from real issues and the voters supporting him. When it comes to opponent Chuck Fleischmann, Wolfe claims Fleischmann is a Tea Party extremist representing the interests of the ultra conservatives, tying the Tea Party around Fleischmann’s neck like an albatross. Wolfe is also asking, “Where in the world is Chuck Fleischmann?”, wondering why the front-runner will not debate. Perhaps it is because Fleischmann is running in a blood-red district and can win even if he stays home watching television, or perhaps it is because Wolfe really is the Third District’s Don Quixote in this race for Congress. Maybe we need a Quixote Congressman, and in November voters may send Quixote to Congress. — Stuart James

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On The Beat

Polite Society I

was going over the local fish wrapper this morning, and for the first time in weeks I actually smiled at something other than the mayor making excuses for Missy Crutchfield or a ’60s-esque underwear ad therein.

“You see, contrary to popular belief, most police officers encourage citizens to go legally armed. (Take careful note of the ‘legal’ part.)”

When Officer Alexander D. Teach is not patrolling our fair city on the heels of the criminal element, he is an occasional student, carpenter, boating enthusiast, and spends his spare time volunteering for the Boehm Birth Defects Center. To contact him directtly, follow him on Facebook at www.facebook.com/alex.teach

“Guns are like insurance,” Daniel Wysong said. “They’re good to have around in case you need them.” – Chattanooga Times-Free Press, Metro Section, October 6, 2010. He made this bright and cheery comment in response to having just blown a hole through a man’s hand with one of the higher velocity rifle rounds in the American household today, and I’ve got to tell you… while I naturally discourage violence in the majority of its forms (aside from obvious necessities such as political rallies and SEC football) it does my tiny, coffee-stained heart good to hear this kind of talk. Why, such was my swell of emotion that I had to pause while typing these two paragraphs just to regain my composure. (Twice.) You see, contrary to popular belief, most police officers encourage citizens to go legally armed. (Take careful note of the “legal” part.) The sheltered masses who believe that legally armed citizens will result in either tribal warfare or the complete dissolution of society are also the same ones who believe in negotiations without preconditions with Communists or dictatorships—and you can pretty much see how that’s been working out. These are the ones who watch people like Kitty Genovese get stabbed to death in New York City without so much as calling police,

much less intervening…yet they will spend the time and energy to engage in “Million Mom Marches” to elect officials who enact handgun bans (to remove the tools that other responsible human beings could use to prevent and certainly stop these things when they happen). “Why should I have to protect myself or my family,” they say, “when we can just legislate violence away? This is the 21st century; violence simply should not happen, because we are civilized,” they say smugly. …Right up until they meet someone like Steven J. Hayes or Joshua Komisarjevsky who randomly comes to their door, beats them with a baseball bat, then rapes and murders their wife and 11-year-old daughter and lights their house on fire. Because that really happens, people, and when it does, more often than not, the legislature is not there in your protected little bubble of negotiations to stop it. And yet despite these horrors occurring as evidence contrary to their beliefs, there are people who excuse that kind of revolting behavior by (you guessed it) “Blaming It On Something”. The economy has them down (so it was Bush that murdered them). They lost their jobs (Bush). They had bad childhoods. Or God help me: “They aren’t happy.” (I just threw up in my mouth a little at that one.) Well, it turns out, I’ve got a little theory that runs contrary to this John-Lennonflower-in-the-rifle-barrel-will-make-theworld-better horseshit: There is real evil in the world, folks. And when it comes face to face with you, you will know two things: It is very real, and there is no pause button for

you to call for help from one of the people you usually (and ironically) hate so much. It’s up to you. …So when I read about this week’s adventures in the greater Tyner area, my aforementioned Grinch Heart got a few sizes bigger. (Briefly: 22-year-old Ryan Anderson had his heart broken, and to prove his love to his 18-year-old paramour, he got all liquored up and decided to cruise by her house repeatedly pointing a shotgun out his car window at her. Thusly alarmed, the young lady called a recent veteran of Iraq who flew to the scene with his trusty .30-06 and upon seeing this behavior, gave him something the police wouldn’t have: A warning shot to “make him think twice”. When Mr. Anderson mistook this kindness for weakness, the veteran Marine put the next shot through his damn hand and sent his dumb ass squalling to the hospital.) The moral? Robert A. Heinlein put it best by stating that “An Armed Society is a polite Society. Manners are good when one may have to back up his acts with his life.” A common thug with a pistol will think twice if he believes his intended victim is a (key words) responsible and trained possessor of a firearm his or herself. It is that which cops such as myself encourage; just let us know in advance and all shall end well (because we HATE having to find them as a surprise). Mr. Anderson may not have represented True Evil in this world, but he was for damn certain impolite. And with a bit of luck for him, thanks to Corporal Daniel Wysong… here endeth the lesson.

www.chattanoogapulse.com | Octber 14, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 41 | The Pulse

Music Feature

Rock and Roll to the Rescue One of the things

By Hellcat

“This family has chosen to reach out to their second family, which is the Chattanooga music scene. Kudos, Chattanooga, for answering the call.”

I have always loved about our music scene is that beyond all the drama, there are some really good hearts involved. We always seem to come together if there is someone in need; particularly, if that unfortunate soul in need of our help is a child. Well, as it turns out, we have an entire family that could really use a pick-meup and our full-on support. This past August, a little girl named KyLee Crum, now only four months away from her second birthday, was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia. This disease is extremely rare in children. Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia (ALL) is a cancer of the white blood cells. As you know, our white blood cells are what the body uses to

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 41 | October 14, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

normally fight infection. With ALL, the abnormal brain cells may collect in the brain or spinal cord; our central nervous system. Although leukemia cells from different children with ALL often look very similar under the microscope, there are actually many distinctive subtypes of ALL. With the exception of prenatal exposure to X-rays and specific genetic syndromes, such as Down syndrome, little is known about the causes of and risk factors for childhood ALL. KyLee’s next few years are going to be nothing like what you would want for a 2-year-old girl. She will have to go through radiation and chemotherapy treatments for at least two years. Those treatments alone are hard for an adult to bounce back from, not to mention a child. Yet, this little bubbling, smiling girl is rolling with the punches as best as she can. The resiliency in children during times of extreme turmoil is always aweinspiring to me. What would you do if your little bundle of joy was faced with this diagnosis? Well, this family has chosen to reach out to their second family, which is the Chattanooga music scene. Kudos, Chattanooga, for answering the call. A Rock and Roll Fundraiser Benefit

will be held at JJ’s Bohemia on Sunday from 3 p.m. until we are all finished rocking out! It’s only a $5 cover, and for such a good cause. Plus, the benefit has wrangled a great deal of local musical talent to step in and help little KyLee. The Unsatisfied will be headlining the show, and the opening performers include, but are not limited to: Local Union (which never disappoints), Bethany Kidd (from the River City Hustlers), Vic Burgess, and more TBA. To me, this is kind of a no-brainer. You’ve got a line-up of killer bands, and it’s all to help a little girl with leukemia? Sign me up. There will also be a raffle, where you can purchase tickets for your chance to win: a $50 gift certificate to get inked by Brandy Burgans at Standard Ink, a Dinner for Two Up To $25 gift certificate from The Pickle Barrel, two individual passes and one family pass to Con-nooga 2011, and a $15 gift certificate to Funktastic Boutique. If you are unable to attend this rocking show, but you still want to help out in your own way, then there are a few things that the family desperately needs during this trying time. Monetary donations are always welcome, but if you would like to donate specific items, the family

Music Feature

The Unsatisfied

needs: diapers (size 5), baby wipes, Clorox Wipes and/or other household disinfectants, baby clothes (24 mo.), toddler snacks (non-perishable), hand sanitizer, and clothing (36 mo.-3T). If you could find it in your heart to make a donation, they will be collecting donations and the aforementioned items at the following locations and times: Paty, Rymer, and Ulin Law Office 19 Patten Pkwy Chattanooga, TN 37402-2297 (423) 756-6770 Mon-Fri, 9 a.m.-5 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Boulevard Chattanooga, Tennessee 37403 (423) 266-1400 Tues-Sat, 5 p.m.-3 a.m. I hope to see you guys out at the show and if you have any other ideas, in which you think you can help, please feel free to e-mail me at hellcatpromotions@gmail.com, and I will pass it on to the family. Thank you in advance for all of your help for little KyLee Crum. Support local music…and our local families! Rock N Roll Fundraiser for KyLee Crum $5 Sunday, October 17 3 p.m. – on JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400

www.chattanoogapulse.com | Octber 14, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 41 | The Pulse

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 41 | October 14, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

New Music Reviews Swans My Father Will Guide Me up a Rope to the Sky (Young God)

“Even when facing the Swans’ legacy, fans will discover that the album stands up well”

By Ernie Paik

In 1997, after a 15-year existence, it was declared that “SWANS ARE DEAD.” There are many reasons why music groups disband—most of them unfavorable reasons—but for Swans, it was suicide. It wasn’t the kind of suicide born from despair, though; it was like ritual suicide, where it is an expression and exertion of ultimate power and control over oneself. The band was known for making some of the most harrowing music around, and over 15 years, it continually redefined itself while retaining an identity, going from punishing death marches to more sonically complicated music to drones and soundscapes. In January of this year, there was another declaration: “SWANS ARE NOT DEAD.” Swans founder Michael Gira revived the group without key collaborator Jarboe— neither a good nor bad thing, since she has her own productive career—and has emerged with the new album My Father Will Guide Me up a Rope to the Sky, which is a logical progression from the countrydeath-gospel-folk of his post-Swans band Angels of Light, while being a distinctively Swans release. “No Words/No Thoughts” is one hell of an opener, unfurling over nearly ten minutes with numerous dynamic changes, cymbal swells, guitar drones, pummeling drums, and a constant tension; it’s stirring and spine-tingling, with a mounting volume

Group Inerane Guitars from Agadez, Vol. 3 (Sublime Frequencies) The third volume in the Guitars from Agadez series, highlighting the Tuareg guitar scene in the North African nation of Niger, is on the frequently impressive, globe-trotting Sublime Frequencies label; previous volumes by Group Inerane and Group Bombino were stunning, kinetic, and sometimes blistering in the best possible way. The latest edition

again puts a spotlight on Group Inerane, led by guitarist Bibi Ahmed and featuring a new lineup; guitarist Koudede Maman takes the place of Adi Mohammed, who was killed in the violent unrest of the political rebellion. Since travel to the city of Agadez was restricted by the junta which had carried out a coup earlier this year, this album was actually recorded in the capital city of Niamey by Hisham Mayet, the co-founder of Sublime Frequencies. Group Inerane’s previous album, Guitars from Agadez, Vol. 1, was a raw, vital document with live, exhilarating numbers. This third volume was recorded live in a studio (although there isn’t a marked improvement in fidelity), and it doesn’t sound as charged and urgent. The band’s style is still evident with the current lineup,

and a pointedly intense final minute. After an epic start, the rest of the album does hold the listener’s attention, with a smoldering potency, lurching piano parts, diabolical horns, and Gira’s compelling voice. Even when facing the Swans’ legacy, fans will discover that the album stands up well, conveying a nightmarish uneasiness and underlying brutality, even among the relatively serene moments, with an expansion of the band’s musical territory; it reveals a group in control, showing a command of its formidable creative powers. depending on momentum and free-flowing guitar lines and vocals, but at certain times, the drumming doesn’t sound as confident and potent as it was on the previous release. Volume 1 was peppered with spirited ululations, some of which were likely from the enthusiastic audience, and the band seemed to feed off that energy; however, with the studio recordings of Volume 3, those impromptu vocal exclamations are largely gone—and missed. One good point of comparison is the tune “Telalit,” found on Volume 1 and revisited for Volume 3; the previous version was just oozing excitement, heard in the intense vocals, fiery guitar playing, and even the hand claps, while the new version—along with most of Volume 3—is serviceable and not as remarkable.

www.chattanoogapulse.com | Octber 14, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 41 | The Pulse

Music Calendar Thursday Spotlight

Mark Sultan aka BBQ, Baby Dinosaurs Vs. Extinction From Quebec comes the indescribable Mark Sultan. $7 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK. Blvd. (423) 266-1400. Search on Facebook for JJ’s Bohemia.

Thursday Jimmy Harris 6:30 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Sweet N Lowdown 9 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Sean McConnell with Nathan Farrow Band 9:30 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 2674644. www.rhythm-brews.com Mark Sultan aka BBQ, Baby Dinasaurs vs. Extinction, Black Painter 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia SOULEDOUT! Classic and Modern Soul with DJ K7 10 p.m. The Social (next to Public House), 1110 Market St., Ste. 101. Soul Sessions 10 p.m. Table 2, 232 E. 11th St. (423) 756-8253. www.table2restaurant.com

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 41 | October 14, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

Friday Spotlight

Friday Live Stock Music Festival Noon. The Warehouse, 5716 Ringgold Rd., myspace.com/warehousetn Johnny Cash Tribute Band 5 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo Centennial Theatre, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-5000. www.choochoo.com Ben Friberg Trio 6 p.m. Table 2, 232 E. 11th St. (423) 756-8253. www.table2restaurant.com Jimmy Harris 6:30 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Tim Hughes Quartet 7:30 p.m. Blue Orleans Creole Restaurant, 3208 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 629-6538. blueorleanscreolerestaurant. com Georgia Skruff Acoustic with Bongos 8 p.m. Southside Saloon & Bistro, 1301 Chestnut St. (423) 757-4730. southsidesaloonandbistro.com Gentlemen Jazz Quartet 8:30 p.m. The Foundry, 1201 South Broad St. (423) 756-3400. www.chattanooganhotel.com Scott Moody 9 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919. www.myspace.com/jstriker

Rick Rushing & the Blues Strangers 9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn). facebook.com/theofficechatt Dana Rogers 9 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com 6 Day Bender, Everybody Loves a Hero 9 p.m. Ziggy’s Hideaway, 607 Cherokee Blvd. (423) 756-4786. myspace.com/ziggyshideaway Tim, Chad and Sherry, Riot Punch 9 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia Appetite for Distruction: A Guns and Roses Tribute 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com Soul Survivor 10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. w ww.budssportsbar.com Channing Wilson 10 p.m. T-Bones, 1419 Chestnut St. (423) 266-4240. www.tboneschattanooga.com

Saturday Live Stock Music Festival Noon. The Warehouse, 5716 Ringgold Rd., East Ridge. myspace.com/warehousetn

6 Day Bender, Everybody Loves A Hero “Mountain rock and roll” with 6 Day Bender. $5 9 p.m. Ziggy’s Hideaway, 607 1/2 Cherokee Blvd. (423) 756-4786. myspace.com/ziggyshideaway

Johnny Cash Tribute Band 5 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo Centennial Theatre, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-5000. www.choochoo.com The Honey Dewdrops 8 p.m. Charles & Myrtle’s Coffehouse, 105 McBrien Rd. (423) 892-4960. www.christunity.org The Goo Goo Dolls with Spill Canvas 8 p.m. Tivoli Theater, 709 Broad St. (423) 757-5050. www.chattanoogaonstage.com Gentlemen Jazz Quartet 8:30 p.m. The Foundry, 1201 South Broad St. (423) 756-3400. www.chattanooganhotel.com Jason Just 9 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. Power Play Showband 9 p.m. Bart's Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777. www.bartslakeshore.com

Music Calendar

Send your calendar events to us at calendar@chattanoogapulse.com

Saturday Spotlight

Goo Goo Dolls Boys from Buffalo have been rocking since 1986. $35 - $49.50 8 p.m. Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad St. (423) 642-TIXS. www.chattanoogaonstage.com

Crossfire Band 9 p.m. Southside Saloon & Bistro, 1301 Chestnut St. (423) 757-4730. southsidesaloonandbistro. com. Camp Normal 9 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919. www.myspace.com/jstriker Pleasent Gap Band, Sparrow and the Ghost, The Groove Shakers, The Devils Got A Hold On Me 9 p.m. Ziggy’s Hideaway, 607 Cherokee Blvd. (423) 756-4786. Nim Nims, Lamb Handler, Ashley and the X’s 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia Velcro Pygmies 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com

Sunday Benefit for KyLee Crum with The Unsatisfied, Local Union 3 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400.

Sunday Spotlight

Open Mic w/Jeff Daniels 4 p.m. Ms. Debbie’s Nightlife Lounge 4762 Highway 58, (423) 485-0966. myspace.com/debbieslounge Pay the Reckoning (Irish Music) 6 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike. (423) 266-1996. www.tremonttavern.com Kim Mclean and Mark Elliot 8 p.m. Charles & Myrtle’s Coffehouse, 105 McBrien Rd. (423) 892-4960. www.christunity.org Real Drag 10 p.m. Discoteca, 304 E. Main St. (423) 386-3066. www.facebook.com/discotecha

Monday Old Tyme Players 6 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. Big Band Band 8 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055.

Tuesday Ben Friberg Trio 6:30 p.m. Table 2, 232 E. 11th St. (423) 756-8253. www.table2restaurant.com Live Stock Music Festival After Party 6:30 p.m. The Warehouse, 5716 Ringgold Rd., myspace.com/warehousetn

STYX- The Grand Illusions/ Pieces of Eight Tour 7:30 p.m. Tivoli Theater, 709 Broad St. (423) 757-5050. All That Jazz 8 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Lightning Billy Hopkins 8 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Open Mic 9 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike, (423) 266-1996. www.tremonttavern.com IckyBod Crankin 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia DJ ScubaSteve Fox and Hound Pub & Grille, 2040 Hamilton Place Blvd., #150, (423) 490-1200.

Wednesday Jimmy Harris 6:30 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. Ben Friberg Trio 7 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Johnny B. and Friends 8 p.m. Bourbon Street Music Bar, 2000 E. 23rd St. (423) 826-1985.

Music at the Market It’s Firehouse Chili Day, plus music with Claude Bourbon and Barefoot Nellie. Free 11 a.m. – 4 p.m. Chattanooga Market, First Tennessee Pavilion, 1826 Carter St. (423) 266-4041. www.chattanoogamarket.com

Ario Gilliam 9 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com Johnston Brown 9 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Open Mic with Mark Holder 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. myspace.com/jjsbohemia Got a gig coming up that you want to tell the world about? Send us your information (the basic when, where and time) and we will list it here in the weekly music calendar. Email the particulars to us at calendar@ chattanoogapulse.com at least ten days before the event for inclusion here.

www.chattanoogapulse.com | Octber 14, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 41 | The Pulse

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 41 | October 14, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

www.chattanoogapulse.com | Octber 14, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 41 | The Pulse

Arts & Entertainment

Dracula Rises—Again Dracula—The Un-Dead has

emerged as the official sequel to Bram Stoker’s Dracula. One of its authors, Dacre Stoker, will be signing copies at Rock Point Books on Saturday. A bit surprisingly, the other author, a screenwriter named Ian Holt, had the initial idea to write the Dracula sequel, but he wanted to create it as a screenplay. The resulting novel has a cinematic tonality, a number of spectacular sequences, and there’s a strong likelihood that it will become a movie. By Michael Crumb

“The resulting novel has a cinematic tonality, a number of spectacular sequences, and there’s a strong likelihood that it will become a movie.”

Unlike the original book, Dracula—The Un-Dead ought not to be recommended as all-ages fare. An early sequence in the new novel reads much like an excerpt from de Sade’s The 120 Days of Sodom, and there are a few other passages that certainly aren’t for kids. I would like to talk about this novel without discussing specific plot points, because this book is aimed at fans of the original. Nevertheless, there’s a good deal to discuss with regard to this new offering. Probably the biggest issue has to do with literature and the market. Although Dracula wasn’t the first vampire novel, it was probably the best of the early ones, and it became a wellspring for the vampire-gothic literary and filmic

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 41 | October 14, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

phenomenon. Since the Stoker family had only limited control of the copyright, part of the motivation to produce this work comes from a desire to remedy that situation. This Dutton-Penguin edition contains explanatory material by these authors that follows the text of the novel. There’s no doubt that Ian Holt’s motivation stems from a love of filmic drama. Bram Stoker’s Dracula stands as a literary work. His innovative style not only presented the story in an economic and interesting way, but his use of multiple viewpoints explored deeper literary issues as well. Dracula—The Un-Dead emerges as a cultural product—the term “fan service” comes to mind. Of course, this remains a kind of relative scale, since literary works are also cultural products, but the salient distinctions fall out as aesthetic on the one hand and commercial on the other. Even before I read this novel, I had been reminded of a quote from the manga Hellsing’s Vampire, from the character Alucard. Alucard’s persistence and service to humanity may be a model for the more contemporary “Dracula”. Stoker’s Dracula is mysterious and deep, very much outside of cultural conformity. The supposition in the original novel is that some alchemical attempt resulted in Dracula’s condition. Alchemy is outside of science, at least in conventional discussion. In Coppola’s Bram Stoker’s Dracula, there is a scene where Jonathan

discovers Dracula’s “chemistry set.” I believe that scene is meant to carry on the same conjecture. Now, there is so much importance placed on the historical figure Vlad the Impaler, with its consequent emphasis on brutality, that other, more interesting aspects seem lost. It seems to me serious morbid for a culture to fetishize brutality. Another minor issue has to do with style. Dutton-Penguin has prestige as a premium house, but Dracula—The UnDead reads like a galley proof, that is, a copy that is offered for reading before its publication and release. There is a “prologue” before the text that has little to do with the actual novel, yet the volume is actually decorated with its words. Why? There is a focus on historical minutiae that gets in the way of the narrative rhythm. Also, there is so much exposition, amounting to a kind of rewriting of the Stoker original. I would have thought that Bram Stoker left a lot out of the original because it wasn’t necessary to the dynamic his novel presented. I am reminded of the very many great authors who would not allow such writing problems—Bram Stoker being one.

Booksigning of Dracula—The UnDead by Dacre Stoker Free Noon, Saturday, October 16 Rock Point Books, 401 S. Broad St. (423) 756-2855. www.rockpointbooks.com

A&E Calendar Highlights Friday

Thursday

Midori with the CSO World-famous violinist performs with our own CSO. $19-$79 8 p.m. The Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad St. (423) 267-8583. www.chattanoogasymphony.org

Send your calendar events to us at calendar@chattanoogapulse.com

Cairo Time AEC Independent Film Festival 12:30, 2:50, 5:10, 7:30, 9:50 p.m. Majestic 12, 311 Broad St. www.carmikec.om Hands On Hunter: Monster Printing 6 p.m. Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944. www.huntermuseum.org “The Classical Column: A Fundamental Notion in Architecture” 6:30 p.m. Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944. The Mystery of the TV Talk Show 7 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. www.funnydinner.com Live Team Trivia 7:30 p.m. T-Bones Sports Cafe, 1419 Chestnut St. (423) 266-4240. www.chattanoogatrivia.com Chattanooga Pride Festival: Music Concert, readings from The Gay Chronicles 7:30 p.m. Barking Legs Theatre, 1322 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347. www.tennesseevalleypride.com

Our Clothesline Art Show Fourth annual all-women artists show. Free 6 -9 p.m. Historic Krichbaum House, 4401 St. Elmo Ave. (423) 290-5771. ourclothesline.blogspot.com

Saturday

Dracula the Un-Dead Booksigning Bram Stoker’s descendent, Dacre Stoker, signs his sequel to the gothic masterpiece. Free Noon. Rockpoint Books, 401 Broad St. (423) 756-2855. www.rockpointbooks.com

28th Annual Equal Opportunity Day Breakfast 7:30 a.m. Chattanooga Convention Center, 1150 Carter St. (423) 756-1762. www.ulchatt.net Discover the Nina and Pinta 9 a.m. Ross Landing Park, Riverfront Pkwy. (787) 672-2152. www.thenina.com Friday Morning Art Therapy Group 10 a.m. Rivoli Art Mill, 2301 East 28th St. (423) 322-2514. www.jasmilam.com Ultimate Wave Tahiti 3D 7, 9 p.m. IMAX Theater at the Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (800) 265-0695. www.tnaqua.org Chattanooga Ghost Tour 7:30 p.m. Walnut Street Bridge, 1 Walnut St. (423) 821-7125. www.chattanoogaghosttours.com Bridge to Terabithia (Youth Theatre) 7:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.com

A Little Bit of Country & Rockn-Roll 7:30 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-5000. www.choochoo.com Master Hypnotist Gary Conrad 7:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com Hubble 3D 8 p.m. Imax Theater at the Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (800) 265-0695. CSO Masterworks: Midori 8 p.m. Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad St. (423) 757-5050. www.chattanooga.gov Mystery of Flight 138 8:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. Master Hypnotist Gary Conrad: The Erotica Show 10 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com Chattanooga Pride Festival: Special TVP show Midnight. Images, 6065 Lee Hwy. (423) 855-8210. www.tennesseevalleypride.com

Sunday Tennessee Valley Start! Heart Walk 9 a.m. AT&T Field, 201 Power Alley. www.chattanoogaheartwalk.org Discover the Nina and Pinta 9 a.m. Ross Landing Park, Riverfront Pkwy. (787) 672-2152. www.thenina.com Brainerd Farmers Market 10 a.m. Grace Episcopal Church parking lot, 20 Belvoir Ave. (at Brainerd Rd.) Operation Christmas Child Car Show and Carnival 11 a.m. Life Care Center of East Ridge, 1500 Fincher Ave. (423) 499-3922. “Our Clothesline” Art Show 11 a.m. Krichbaum House, 4401 St. Elmo Ave. ourclothesline.blogspot.com Mosaic Market 11 a.m. 412 Market St. (corner of 4th/Market). (423) 624-3915 Art Til Dark Noon. Northshore. (423) 413-8999. www.arttildark.wordpress.com “Ghosts of the Southern Tennessee Valley” Book Signing 3 p.m. The Book Gallery, Northgate

Mall, Hixson, TN. (423)876-7788. Master Hypnotist Gary Conrad 5, 7:30, 10 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com Club Lib V 7:30 p.m. Chattanooga-Hamilton County Bicentennial Library, 1001 Broad St. (423) 757-5030. www.clublibevent.com A Little Bit of Country & Rockn-Roll 7:30 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-5000. www.choochoo.com Miss Annie Awards 7:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.com Bridge to Terabithia (Youth Theatre) 7:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.com Bar Night, Pride Week 9 p.m. Images, 6005 Lee Highway. www.tennesseevalleypride.com

La Llorona ETC and the Latin Arts Project present the Mexican folklore tale about a woman/ mermaid. Free 4 p.m. St. Andrews Center, 1918 Union St. (423) 987-5141. ensembletheatreofchattanooga.com

Chattanooga Market 11 a.m. First Tennessee Pavilion, 1826 Carter St. (423) 266-4041. www.chattanoogamarket.com 11th Annual Festival of the Jack O’Lanterns 1 p.m. Chattanooga Nature Center, 400 Garden Rd. (423) 821-1160. www.chattanooganaturecenter.org Chattanooga Pride Festival 1 p.m. Miller Plaza, 850 Market St. www.tennesseevalleypride.com Bridge to Terabithia (Youth Theatre) 2:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.com Lil Red 3 p.m., Chauncey-Goode Auditorium, 1815 Union Ave., (423) 242-5156. www.destinyentertainment.org Master Hypnotist Gary Conrad 5:30, 8 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com Giallo Night: Zombie, Suspira 8 p.m. Discoteca, 304 E, Main St. (423) 386-3066.

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A&E Calendar Highlights Monday Discover the Nina and Pinta 9 a.m. Ross Landing Park, Riverfront Pkwy. (787) 672-2152. www.thenina.com October Roundtable: The Work of Neil Gaiman 7 p.m. Grace Episcopal Church, 20 Belvoir Ave. Speak Easy: Spoken Word and Poetry 8 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. www.facebook.com/theofficechatt “Flavors of Tuscany” by Cam Busch North River Civic Center, 1009 Executive Dr. Ste. 102. (423) 870-8924. “Americana-Freedom” Juried Exhibition Shuptrine Fine Art Group, 2646 Broad St. (423) 266-4453. “Platters” Jewish Cultural Center, 5461 N. Terrace Rd. (423) 493-0270. “Butterfly Handled Tea Paraphernalia” Houston Museum of Decorative Arts, 201 High St. (423) 267-7176.

Tuesday Discover the Nina and Pinta 9 a.m. Ross Landing Park, Riverfront Pkwy. (787) 672-2152. www.thenina.com ArtsChatt 5 p.m. Big River Grille, 222 Broad St. Home Buyers Seminar 7 p.m. Bessie Smith Hall, 200 E M L King Blvd. (423) 265-9494. Chattanooga Ghost Tour 7:30 p.m. Walnut Street Bridge, 1 Walnut St. (423) 821-7125. www.chattanoogaghosttours.com “Their World” River Gallery, 400 E. 2nd St. (423) 265-5033. One Year Anniversary Exhibition My Color Image Boutique and Gallery, 330 Frazier Ave. (423) 598-6202. Stephen Rolfe Powell Glass Exhibition Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944. “After Disappearance” Sewanee University Art Gallery, 68 Georgia Ave.

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 41 | October 14, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

Wednesday Discover the Nina and Pinta 9 a.m. Ross Landing Park, Riverfront Pkwy. (787) 672-2152. www.thenina.com Main Street Farmers Market 4 p.m. Main St. at Williams St. www.mainstfarmersmarket.com SE Funny People Search V 8 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com “Cosmic Abberation” Leo Handmade Gallery, 22 Frazier Ave. leogallery.blogspot.com Charlie Newton: A Retrospective Exhibition Bessie Smith Cultural Center, 200 E. Martin Luther King Blvd. (423) 266-8658. www.bessiesmithcc.org Thrills, Gills & Chills Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (800) 265-0695. www.tnaqua.org “The Whole Ball of Wax” In-Town Gallery, 26A Frazier Ave. (423)267-9214. www.intowngallery.com

Editor’s Pick: Featured Event Of The Week

Tennessee Valley Pride Festival Join Chattanooga’s GLBT community for the final day of Pride Week, as they celebrate with live entertainment, food, vendors and a kids’ area. After-party at Chuck’s II. Free 1 – 5 p.m. Festival Miller Stage & Plaza, Market St. at Georgia Ave. 5 p.m. – close After Party Chuck’s II Bar, 27 W. Main St. www.tennesseevalleypride.com

www.chattanoogapulse.com | Octber 14, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 41 | The Pulse

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 41 | October 14, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

Halloween Events, Haunted Houses and Trunk or Treats Friday: 9 a.m. - 6 p.m. Saturday: 10:30 a.m. - 6 p.m. Sunday: Noon - 6:30 p.m. 271 Chattanooga Valley Road, Flintstone, GA. www.enchantedmaze.com

Halloween Events Hamilton Place Mall Free Mall Trick or Treating 2100 Hamilton Place Blvd, Chattanooga. October 31, 6 p.m. www.hamiltonplace.com

Haunted Barn $15 (coupon on web site) Fridays and Saturdays in October 7 p.m. - Midnight 5107 McDonald Road, McDonald, TN. thehauntedbarnchattanooga.com

Bradley Square Mall Free Mall Trick or Treating 200 Paul Huff Parkway NW, Cleveland. October 31, 6 p.m. www.shopbradleysquare.com Northgate Mall Malloween 271 Northgate Mall, Chattanooga. October 30, 3 p.m. – 5 p.m. www.visitnorthgatemall.com

through October 31 at 3 a.m. Collective Visions Event Hall 1925 Rossville Ave., Chattanooga. Spooky Days @ Creative Discovery $20 Advance; $30 2-Day Pass; Museum $25 Day of Show per day 321 Chesnut Street, www.tinyurl.com/2c44htq Chattanooga. Classic Horror Films October 30, 3 p.m. October 5 - Buffy the Vampire Storytellers at 1 p.m. and 3 p.m. Slayer episodes “Hush” & “Once Admission: $10.95 More With Feeling.” www.cdmfun.org Public Library, 1001 Broad St., Chattanooga. Boneyard Boogie – Halloween (423) 757-5310 Party lib.chattanooga.gov Friday, October 29, at 8 p.m.

Haunted Houses Haunted Carnevil: Vampire Nation $20 (includes mini-golf and other treats) Fridays and Saturdays in October, Doors open at 7 p.m. 5918 Brainerd Road, Chattanooga. www.sirgoonys.com Enchanted Maize $9 Adults, $7 Kids Thursdays – Sundays in October Thursday: 9 a.m. - 6:30 p.m.

Haunted Hilltop $15 all ages Fridays and Saturdays in October 7 p.m. – 1 a.m. 8235 Highway 58, Harrison, TN. www.thehauntedhilltop.com Massacre on Meighan $20 Every Thursday - Sunday Doors open at 7 p.m. on Fridays and Saturdays 7 p.m. – 10 p.m. on Thursdays and Sundays 1404 Cowart St, Chattanooga. www.massacreonmeighan.com

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Halloween Events, Haunted Houses and Trunk or Treats Blowing Screams Farm Forest of Fear - $15 Ghost Ride - $10 (Both for $20) Fridays and Saturdays in October Doors open at 7 p.m. 271 Chattanooga Valley Road, Flintstone, GA. www.blowingscreamsfarm.com Ruby Falls Haunted Cavern $22 at the door, ($20 online) September 25; October: 1, 2, 8, 9, 15-17, 21-24, 28-31 8 p.m. – 11 p.m. 1720 South Scenic Highway, Chattanooga. www.hauntedcavern.com Lodge of Fear $5 on October 8 $10 every night after

Chattanooga. October 27 from 6:30 p.m. until all the candy is gone. Chattanooga Valley Baptist 90 Nickajack Lane, Flintstone, GA. October 31 from 5 p.m. – 7 p.m. (while treats last) October 8, 9, 15, 16, 22, 23, 29, 30 (Every Friday and Saturday after first weekend of October) 8 p.m. – Midnight Masonic Lodge, 1500 Dodds Ave., Chattanooga. lodgehaunt.moonfruit.com House of Horrors $10 Every Friday and Saturday in October, also on Halloween. 7 p.m. – Midnight

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 41 | October 14, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

(10 p.m. on Sundays) 140 Edwards Street, Cleveland. www.wewillscareyou.com Trunk or Treats Trinity Lutheran Church 5001 Hixson Pike, Hixson Oct. 29 from 5:30 p.m. - 7:30 p.m. (while treats last) Jones Memorial Church 4131 Ringgold Road,

St. Mark United Methodist 701 Mississippi Avenue, Chattanooga, October 31 from 5 p.m. until all the candy is gone. Red Bank United Methodist Church 3800 Dayton Blvd, Chattanooga. October 31 from 3 p.m. - 4:30 p.m. (while treats last)

www.chattanoogapulse.com | Octber 14, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 41 | The Pulse

Film Feature

Not Such A Funny Story D

isappointment is amplified when an experience starts with great potential. If you are a football fan, you most likely understand this. You team dominates the first half with a considerable lead. Your quarterback is on fire. The crowd is excited. You feel like you can sit back and enjoy your favorite team doing their absolute best. You spend halftime debating next week’s game, dreaming of championships, wondering about the rankings.

By John DeVore

“We are forced to follow Craig on his incredibly boring journey of self-discovery, fraught with cliché, quirky music, and popart fantasy.”

And then it seems like everything turns. The defense falls apart in the third quarter. The offense can’t covert third downs. Finally, in the final seconds, the opposing team is in field-goal range and there are no timeouts left. It’s over, you lose, and you hate everyone in the room. Confusion, sadness, and anger consume the drive home, leaving you snapping at your children, cursing fellow drivers, and aiming your car towards innocent stray cats. Watching It’s Kind of a Funny Story is a similar experience. The film had excellent potential, some very good moments, and some quality acting, but fell short when the writers felt an overly simplified third act full of platitudes from a morose, whiny, selfinvolved teenager could sufficiently sum up what started out as a frank and honest look at mental illness. The film’s lazy writing ends up patronizing the very people it aimed to advocate for. Craig (Keir Gilchrist) is depressed. He takes Zoloft. He has dreams of throwing

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 41 | October 14, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

himself off the Brooklyn Bridge because he loves his best friend’s girl and doesn’t want to fill out an application for an extracurricular summer program. And to quote Will Smith and the incomparable DJ Jazzy Jeff, his parents just don’t understand. Craig feels pressured by them to succeed, to get into a wonderful school, and to be president one day. And he just can’t take it anymore. As smart as Craig is supposed to be, he doesn’t seem to realize that his problems are typical of the problems of kids his age, and because he thinks he’s suicidal, he immediately rides his bike to the hospital in order to check himself into an overnight facility for suicidal adolescents. Unfortunately, that wing is closed for renovations and Craig ends up in a longterm facility for adults. He has some wacky hi-jinks, learns a lot about others, learns a lot about himself, and breaks some mental barriers for some folks, becoming a hero to staff and patient alike. I take issue with the whitewashing of mental illness that happens in this film. It more than once has the opportunity to defy convention and show the realities of a painful disease. However, the filmmakers are satisfied with simply showing those with serious mental illness as people with a few amusing idiosyncrasies. In fact, it is bizarre behavior that defines them as people. Rather than allowing Craig to unravel the backgrounds of those that surround him, we are forced to follow Craig on his incredibly boring journey of self-discovery, fraught with cliché, quirky music, and pop-art fantasy. Though the film does a good job of portraying the accepting nature of most mental-health consumers, it doesn’t give them a voice. Invariably, any movie with a

teenage boy has to have a girl with a kindred spirit for him to focus his affections on. Here, Craig encounters a nice young girl with some cute, neatly crafted, self-inflicted scars on her face. She doesn’t appear to be fragile in the least. She is pretty, upbeat, and falls for Craig quickly. Other than the fact that she appears to be a cutter, we don’t see any evidence of abnormal behavior. This depiction really does a disservice to teenagers with actual problems. A major highlight of the film, however, is Zach Galafinakis. We haven’t seen much in his previous films to suggest that he has dramatic capabilities, but here he shows he has range. Bobby (Galafinakis) is the only successful, believable character. The writers are partially responsible, in that they gave him something to work with, but Galafinakis walks the line between sane and sick very well. The story would have been served better had it focused on Bobby, through his eyes, and left Craig to deal with his problems on his own. It’s Kind of a Funny Story could have done a great job of showing the inside workings of the mental-health field—had it not lost track of itself halfway through. Craig would have developed as a character had he been able to compare the sadness, loneliness, and pain felt by the patients of the facility where he spent five days to his own. Instead, we see him get a girlfriend, sing Queen, and draw stylized buildings on his way to the denouement. The effect is the destruction of a potentially great film.

It’s Kind of a Funny Story Directed by Anna Borden and Ryan Fleck Starring Keir Gilchrist, Zach Galifianakis, Emma Roberts Rated PG-13 Running time: 1 hour, 41 minutes

New In Theaters Red When his idyllic life is threatened by a high-tech assassin, former black-ops agent Frank Moses reassembles his old team in a lastditch effort to survive. Any film that hands Helen Mirren a sniper rifle already has a lot going for it. In many ways, Red is a Golden Girls take on the CIA, with the out-to-pasture crowd showing the young whippersnappers how things were done in the good old days. And with a cast of such star power, combined with a very smart and aggressive marketing campaign, expect to see theaters full of baby boomers rooting on their peers. Younger audience members will enjoy the action, explosions and some very nice twists and turns. Plus, as a bonus, it’s always nice to see Ernest Borgnine on screen, even if only in a cameo.

Jackass 3-D Johnny Knoxville and company return for the third installment of their TV show spin-off, where dangerous stunts and explicit public displays rule. Knoxville, cousin to Chattanooga’s own troubadour Roger Alan Wade, returns to the big screen, this time in 3D. Which ramps up the visceral stupidity of his merry band of masochists as they perform some of the most pointless stunts ever put on screen... which should help them rake in ever larger piles of cash from a loyal audience that still thinks that stapling a scrotum to a leg is the height of entertainment. Starring Johnny Knoxville, Steve-O, Bam Margera Directed by Jeff Tremaine

Conviction A single mother spends nearly two decades putting herself through law school in order to overturn her brother’s unjust murder conviction. Another old-hat character for Swank to sink her

Starring Bruce Willis, Helen Mirren, Morgan Freeman, John Malkovich Directed by Robert Schwentke teeth into: spunky underground heroine fighting against the odds. Add in strong performances from Sam Rockwell, Melissa Leo, and Clea DuVall, and the prospect of early Oscar buzz is easily imaginable. Starring Hilary Swank, Sam Rockwell, Melissa Leo Directed by Tony Goldwyn

Down Terrace Sprung from prison, a father and son struggle to keep their crime family business together while sussing out the police informant in their midst. Director Ben Wheatley makes his transition from the small screen to feature films with what many critics are saying is an obvious homage to The Sopranos. However, the lighter touch that Wheatley brings to a rather generic plot separates it from HBO’s very heavy drama. Starring Robin Hill, Robert Hill, Julia Deakin Directed by Ben Wheatley www.chattanoogapulse.com | Octber 14, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 41 | The Pulse

Life in the Noog

By Chuck Crowder

The Reunion Twist T

“My thinking, though, is that if I have to click on your pictures to remember what you look like, chances are we weren’t that close to begin with.”

Chuck Crowder is a local writer and general man about town. His opinions are just that. Everything expressed is loosely based on fact, and crap he hears people talking about. Take what you just read with a grain of salt, but pepper it in your thoughts. And be sure to check out his popular website thenoog.com

his past weekend my 25 high school reunion was held…without me. I chose not to attend this triumphant occasion for several reasons. It’s not that I don’t still like or miss me old mates, it’s just that, unlike in the 1950s or '60s, my “life” didn’t end upon graduation. And in this new millennium, the luster of getting back together with the “Class of 1985” isn’t the same as it was back in the olden days. Those from high school that I’ve remained friends with over the years seem to already have my number in their smart phones or have found me on Facebook. Speaking of which, I’ve formulated a couple of terms for those people from previous lives who want to “friend” you on Facebook just for “old time’s sake.” I call that affliction “Social Network Nostalgiaism” and the action of doing so “Yearbook Facebooking.” Most of those who were likely in attendance on the Southern Belle last Saturday enjoying rubber chicken and a “three-hour tour” of the Tennessee River have probably at one point attempted to reconnect with our old classmates via this wonderful tool. Hell, even the reunion was arranged as a Facebook “event.” My thinking, though, is that if I have to click on your pictures to remember what you look like, chances are we weren’t that close to begin with. Don’t get me wrong, Facebook is a

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 41 | October 14, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

wonderful thing for reconnecting with those you really know and miss. It’s placed me in touch with many old friends from various stations in my life who I thought had fallen off the face of the Earth—some even from high school. But come on, just because we happened to both be zoned for Hixson High School 25 years ago doesn’t necessarily make us long-lost chums. There are about five people that I still keep in contact with from my graduating class. Two still live here, one lives in Savannah but we still see each other regularly and two I’ve actually found through Facebook. Of those last two, one was actually made the trip down from Baltimore for the first time since high school to see who she could see and check out her old hometown. It was really strange reintroducing someone who’d grown up here to the “new” Chattanooga. She’d never even seen the Aquarium for Pete’s sake (although ours was patterned exactly after the one they have in Baltimore)—so you could imagine everything else that’s changed since she’s been here. It’s a whole different town. The only thing that hadn’t changed—one bit—was our old haunt The Pickle Barrel, so we hung out there over the weekend…twice. Unlike me, she hadn’t been able to make the 20-year reunion, which I attended with two of the other five aforementioned friends. We’d all missed the five- and ten-year gatherings, so we bounced into the 20th with great enthusiasm to see those old friends who’ve surely frozen in time since 1985. Not so much. That is when I discovered the phenomenon known as the “reverse cool factor.”

My friends and I were always a little “off center” during those tender formative teenage years. We didn’t buy into the whole high school experience. Maybe we thought we were a little above it somehow, although we actually weren’t. We never attended dances or football games. We went to the proms just because our parents guilted us into thinking we would look back years later and wish we had. However, we never really wanted to be a part of the proverbial cool cliques like the jocks, cheerleaders or even the hoods. And sometimes we paid for those choices with some jeers and misunderstanding of our unconventional plights. What we discovered upon arrival at the 20th however, is that now, unbeknownst to us, we had turned into the “cool crowd” and those who truly lived the high school experience to its fullest appeared to us to be the ones who seemed a little off center. As unintentionally condescending as this may sound, some of the jocks now had combovers, criminal records, three or four kids and several ex-wives. Likewise, many of the girls who wouldn’t give us the time of day back then were now showing the wear that 20 years can bestow upon their fresh young faces and once-hot physiques. The “reunion twist” riddled us with fear while at the same time helped justify the seemingly alternative choices we’ve made with our lives since graduation. Maybe the trappings of teenage social normalcy had eluded us, but we weren’t complaining. And 25 years later, I’m sure glad we did it our way. Go Wildcats!

www.chattanoogapulse.com | Octber 14, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 41 | The Pulse

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 41 | October 14, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

The Pulse • Dining Out Spotlight

Southern Star Still Shines by D. E. Langley “What were you doing ten years ago?” The question itself brings a barrage of thoughts and memories rushing into the cranium. A decade is a significant milestone in human terms, on par with a tenth of the time the luckiest of us will spend on the planet. Despite that, Rick and Nancy Adams could answer that question with little delay. They were newcomers to Chattanooga from southern Georgia, opening up a quirky restaurant downtown on Market Street. And now, ten years later? “Coming to Chattanooga was the best decision we ever made,” Rick told me. “We’re blessed to be here.” The owners of Southern Star are thriving in a new location on the Southside, at 1300 Broad Street, and operating Southern Star Take-Away in Signal Mountain. It would seem things have worked out pretty well, all told. Being a newcomer, I stopped in for my first visit to their flagship location last week. The menu is composed of salads (B.L.T. Pasta Salad, anyone?), sandwiches (like the Virginia Ham, with Granny Smith apples and provolone), and specialties like fried Apalachicola oysters. But there’s a whole other menu that won’t be placed on your table. The chalkboards adorning the walls say everything that needs to be said about Southern Star’s philosophy. They change daily, announcing the fare’s freshness while clearly evidencing the Southern roots of their cuisine. “Absolutely everything is made in-house from scratch each morning,” Adams explained. “I’d say half of our customers order from the chalkboard.” So what might you find on the chalkboard on a given day?

First, the classic tradition of the blue-plate special, which on the Friday I visited consisted of either Fried Catfish or a Chicken and Rice Casserole. Next up, a slew of sides—Macaroni and Cheese, Mustard Greens, and Pinto Beans, for example. Alongside their always-available Brunswick Stew, Southern Star was offering a Southwestern Corn Chowder. The day’s special? Jambalaya. And last, the board listed no less than seven desserts, not including the bakery display case full of treats that greeted me as I walked through the door. While I counted no less than five options I would have been incredibly pleased to see come across my table, I went with the Fried Catfish blue-plate special. I could tell these filets hadn’t been sitting in a cooler, waiting for their turn on the board. They were coated in a crispy and crunchy mixture containing sesame seeds—a new take (for me, at least) that was about more than just presentation. The seeds imparted a nutty consistency to the flavor profile, creating

an absolutely delicious combination. For my sides? Cole Slaw, Sweet Potato Casserole, and Cheese Grits, each a revelation unto itself. The Cole Slaw, slightly tart and lightly sauced, actually tasted of its constituent vegetables, a rare achievement in restaurants these days, where I’m used to thick, oversauced concoctions. The Sweet Potato Casserole has something to teach a lot of folks used to being served a dessert alongside their entree. While topped with the necessary candied pecans, the potatoes were mashed, not pureed, leaving bites of actual sweet potato, instead of a overly sweet paste. As for the Cheese Grits, I don’t know where to begin. They were everything grits should be—perfectly cooked, perfectly seasoned. I had no chance of finishing the entire plate. The first item to disappear was the catfish, and I battled the grits until they too were vanquished. The blue plate lived up to its name, leaving me fully sated with food to spare. I can’t wait for my second trip, though I’ll have to make sure it’s not on a Friday. There’s no way I could pass up that catfish, and I’m supposed to be tasting new things here. So what’s next for a successful spot with staying power like Southern Star? For starters, an all-new restaurant, slated to open next year. “It will be pretty different from our downtown location,” Adams disclosed. “It will have the same roots, but a different concept.” That’s certainly something to look forward to. Until then, stop in to prepare yourself for that new concept by familiarizing yourself with the roots. Southern Star, 1300 Broad Street, Chattanooga. Open Monday - Friday, 11 a.m. to 9 p.m. Call (423) 267-8899.

www.chattanoogapulse.com | Octber 14, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 41 | The Pulse

Spirits Within

By Joshua Hurley

A Red from the Heart of Tuscany Italy is the world’s largest wine

producer, with production accounting for 25 percent of the world’s total. The country has been making wine for 3,500 years and is responsible for some of the world’s finest. This week, Riley’s Wine and Spirits on Hixson Pike in Hixson selects Italy’s latest masterpiece for our weekly “Great Buy”. If you’re new to my column, Great Buys is where Riley’s Wine and Spirits selects something special from the area’s largest selection of wine and spirits and then shares it with the readership of The Pulse. This week we suggest that you try Ruffino’s Modus 2000, an Italian blended red wine. Ruffino Modus is a Toscana wine, which means it’s from the Tuscany region located in central Italy along the west coast. Tuscany, whose capital city is scenic Florence, is home to the world’s most notable wine regions, including Chianti, Brunello and Montepulciano. In 1966, the Denominazione di origine controllata (DOC) (controlled origin denomination) was implemented. DOCs, and the even harsher DOCG (G for Guarantee), are the Italian government’s quality guarantee that the wine was A) grown in a certain geographic region, B) only “approved” grape varieties were used, C) the wine is below a certain alcohol content and D) certain restrictions on aging have been enforced. Having met these restrictions, the wines were then awarded the DOC or DOCG strip, a seal placed over the neck. Through the years, wines with this status have been misunderstood to be of high quality, thus hurting other non-DOC or DOCG wines. It was through this harsh, fascist practice that “Super Tuscans” were born. These wines are produced using unapproved methods and can be just as good as or even better than a government-approved DOC or DOCG wine. Some of these unapproved methods are aging in small, multiple-oak barrels, using varietals outside of the DOC or DOCG approval such as merlot and cabernet sauvignon, or unapproved compositions such as 100 percent sangiovese, Tuscany’s dominant red grape, from non-DOC or DOCG areas. Ruffino, a Tuscan winery located in Pontassieve, a village just outside of the capital city of Florence, was founded in 1877 by brothers Illario and Leopoldo Ruffino. Their goal, to produce high-quality wines using Tuscan traditions in

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 41 | October 14, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

an ideal winemaking environment, helped Ruffino become known worldwide in 10 years as a fine wine producer. In 1913, the Ruffino brothers, having no heirs, sold the winery to the Folonari family. The Folonari family held the same beliefs and traditions, with decades of winemaking in their blood. By 1916, Ruffino wines were the only wines served to the Italian royal family. Today, Ruffino wines are enjoyed in more than 90 countries in 22 varieties. Ruffino Modus 2006 is a blend of sangiovese (50 percent) from the hills of Chianti and world-famous cabernet sauvignon and merlot (25 percent of each) each, which have found a new home in Tuscany. Modus sports a label with a picture of the rose of the winds. This red, star-like picture contains eight points, each of which represent an element contributing to the soul of a great wine: the vine, the sun, the soil, the life, the time, the fruit, the manner and the wine. Modus’s key varietal is sangiovese, which provides the structure and backbone of this wine, giving it flavors and aromas of cherry and berry. Merlot adds smoothness as it’s known for its smooth character while the cabernet sauvignon finishes the mix, adding some herbal essence. Ruffino’s Modus is an unforgettable blend, a blend of old-world tradition and new age innovation. Try it today. It is available at Riley’s for $24.49 plus tax while supplies last. On Wednesday, October 20, 2010 at 3 p.m., Riley’s welcomes the Jack Daniels’ Bus/Caravan! Come in, bring your bottle or buy a bottle and they will engrave it for you absolutely free!

Chattanooga Street Scenes

Photography by Louis Lee What's left of the old motel on Westside Drive overlooking Chattanooga.

www.chattanoogapulse.com | Octber 14, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 41 | The Pulse

Free Will Astrology LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): If you find yourself driving on a major highway anytime soon, there’s a betterthan-usual chance that you’ll come upon a place where a truck has accidentally spilled a few tons of french fries or thousands of bottles of beer or a huge load of sex toys. Why do I say this? Because according to my analysis of the astrological omens, you will be exposed to an abundance of some resource that is too much to use all at once or is not really yours to take or is not exactly what you need. A highway spill is just one form this could take. What should you? Don’t get distracted by frustration or confusion. Instead, use it as a provocative motivation to go get the precise stuff you need in the right amount. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): After extensive analysis, I’ve concluded that you won’t serve any time in hell for the shock therapy you’ll unleash this week—with one caveat: The shock therapy must be motivated primarily by love, not a lust for power. My research also suggests that in dropping your bombshells you may even rack up some karmic credit, not karmic debt—if the things you destroy are truly beyond repair and certain to keep causing pain, and if you institute a plan for building a shiny new creation to replace what’s lost. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): “Though the seas threaten, they are merciful,” says Ferdinand, a character in Shakespeare’s play The Tempest. “I have cursed them without cause.” Please consider the possibility that you could honestly make a similar declaration about some influence in your world. What’s wild but mostly beneficent? What’s primal in a way that draws you back to your deepest sources and reminds you what’s really important? CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Study the following terms: refuge, sanctuary, bunker, asylum, fortress, haven, shelter, safety zone, storm cellar, hideaway, retreat, halfway house, cloister, cell, ashram, clubhouse, lair, foxhole, nest, pit, inner sanctum. Now use some of those words to formulate descriptions of actions you’ll take to enhance both your freedom and security. Example: “When I’m longing for privacy and renewal, I’ll retreat to a haven, not a bunker.” Another example: “If I need to seek refuge from the unnameable insanity around me, I’ll make a pilgrimage to a sanctuary, not to a foxhole.” AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): No one really knows when the Piscean Age ends and the Aquarian Age begins. Astrologers have been arguing about the issue for years. But here’s what to watch for: When the transition gets underway, fewer and fewer people will be invested in belief systems, and an ever-growing contingent will thrive on asking questions and keeping an open mind. For those of us in the latter category— the Aquarian Agers—we will prize the virtues of curiosity. We will avoid being addicted to dogmatic theories and rigid certainties, knowing that they tend to shut down our fluid intelligence. We will get a kick out of shedding our own emotional biases so that we can strive to be more objective in our understanding of the ever-evolving truth. I mention this, Aquarius, because it is an excellent time for you to charge headlong toward the Aquarian Age. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Some of the best-selling Japanese novels in recent years have been composed by young authors entirely on their cell phones. The small screens encourage narratives that are animated by terse rhythms. Flowery descriptions are rare and character development happens fast. I believe that in the coming weeks you will have a capacity akin to the cell-phone storytellers, Pisces. You’ll be able to compress complex material into simpler forms; you’ll have a knack for being very creative as you cut away frills and strip things down to their basics. ARIES (March 21-April 19): The 1906 earthquake that hit San Francisco also demolished downtown Santa Rosa, about 50 miles to the north. During the

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 41 | October 14, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

By Rob Brezsny Truthrooster@gmail.com rebuilding process, Frank Doyle, a local businessman who referred to himself as a “champion of the future,” pushed a radical agenda. “When we construct our new downtown thoroughfare,” he said, “let’s make it wider than it has been in the past. That way it will accommodate the promising technological innovation called the automobile.” Draw inspiration from Doyle’s prescience, Aries. As you regenerate and rejuvenate your world, do the equivalent of creating wider roads. Be a champion of the future. TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Among medieval alchemists, there were some who tried to make a fortune by literally converting lead into gold. But the authentic practitioners of the art were interested in a subtler kind of experimentation: ripening and beautifying the shadowy aspects of their own psyches. That explains their motto: “For a tree’s branches to reach to heaven, its roots must reach to hell.” Among other things, that means you have to dig deep and work hard on redeeming your less flattering qualities in order to earn the right to exalted states of consciousness and spiritual powers. The coming weeks will be an excellent time for you to carry out this alchemy. GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Entomologist Justin O. Schmidt drew up an index to categorize the discomfort caused by stinging insects. The attack of the bald-faced hornet is “rich, hearty, slightly crunchy. Similar to getting your hand mashed in a revolving door.” A paper wasp delivers pain that’s “caustic and burning,” with a “distinctly bitter aftertaste. Like spilling a beaker of hydrochloric acid on a paper cut.” The sweat bee, on the other hand, can hurt you in a way that’s “light, ephemeral, almost fruity. A tiny spark has singed a single hair on your arm.” In bringing this to your attention, Gemini, I hope to inspire the rebel in you. Your homework is to create an equally nuanced and precise index of experiences that feel good. According to my reading of the astrological omens, you will be able to call on tremendous reserves of intelligence as you identify the numerous modes of pleasure that are available to you, and define them in exquisite detail. CANCER (June 21-July 22): A famous YouTube video shows a small crab perched on top of a giant jellyfish that’s swimming in the ocean. (It’s here: tinyurl.com/6ulpoe.) Apparently this is a common phenomenon. The species known as the graceful rock crab not only grabs free rides on jellyfish, but also steals food from them as it does. This creature is your role model, Cancerian. See if you can develop a safe and symbiotic relationship (perhaps temporarily) with a big stinging blob. At the very least, wangle some benefit out of a clueless behemoth. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): “One of the healthiest ways to gamble is with a spade and a package of garden seeds,” says comedian Dan Bennett. Your assignment, Leo, is to come up with three other smart risks you could profit from taking. You’re entering a phase of your astrological cycle when you’ll be rewarded by leaving your comfort zone and heading toward the frontier— but only if you’re fully armed with crafty discernment and a realistic (not cynical) understanding of how the world really works. Please stay away from rash dares, unresearched shots in the dark, and crazy plunges rooted in blind faith. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Years ago a Polish scientist toiling in Antarctica was consumed with longing for a woman he’d left behind in his home country. Spilling over with the desire to express his adoration, he gathered a mass of penguin dung and used it to spell out a large “M” on the frigid ground. It was the first letter of his girlfriend’s name, Magda. To this day, two species of flowering plants have thrived in that M-shaped area, fed by the fertilizing power of the dung. Your assignment in the coming week, Virgo, is to create something equally enduring and unique for someone you care for deeply.

Across 1 Croatia’s capital 7 Special effects used in “Avatar,” e.g. 10 Deck quartet 14 “The Little Mermaid” villain 15 That ship 16 Battery unit 17 Goes for some quick lunch 19 Gold medal runner Zatopek 20 Go back and forth 21 Hosp. scanner 22 Prefix meaning “notion” 25 Less likely to catch on 27 Bite with tiny teeth 30 ___ Carta 32 Greek cheeses 33 “Am ___!” 34 2010 “SNL” host Poehler 35 Bourbon measures 37 Summer hrs., in South Carolina 38 Treasure hunt need 39 Clock setting for most of TX 40 Cobb and Pennington 42 Slowing, in music: abbr. 43 Guinness Book suffix 44 Phrase often followed with “it’s nothing” 46 Compass pt.

47 Vail runner 48 Lerner’s musical partner 49 Head-scratching question 51 Org. that gives out 9-digit IDs 52 Not mourned (for) 54 ___-bitsy 55 Pester 57 Kind of view 59 Oval segments 61 He hosts “Good Eats” 65 Tackle box item 66 Bullfighting cheer 67 “Lost” actor M.C. 68 Does something 69 Hallucinatory stuff 70 Most worldly-wise Down 1 ___ Island (industrial area of Detroit) 2 Abbr. at the top of sheet music 3 Former name of a cookieselling org. 4 Applies, like ointment 5 “Who ___ wants a piece of me?” 6 Made some sheepish noises 7 Kitschy growable gift 8 “Stay away from amateurs!”? 9 Pique condition? 10 State with firmness

–why yes, yes I have.

11 Fascination with a certain URL ending? 12 Yale alumnus 13 Cardinals insignia 18 Removal of totally false graffiti? 21 ___ Butterworth’s syrup 22 “Let me clean up first...” 23 Patterned fabrics 24 Basic Cairo bed? 26 “Rocks for Jocks” type of class 28 Disinfecting solutions 29 Craft where things get fired up 31 16 NFL teams 36 “But ___ realized...” 41 NASCAR-sponsoring additive 45 Posted in the center of the action, perhaps 48 Schlep 50 Gulf of Mexico structure 53 Metallic sounds 56 Pops the question 58 Quatrain rhyme scheme 59 “So that’s your game!” 60 ___-A-Fella Records 61 Co. founded by Steve Case 62 Inseparable 63 “Fantastic Mr. Fox” director Anderson 64 Major paper, for short

Crossword created By Matt Jones. © 2010 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle #0489.

Solution To Last Week’s Crossword

JONESIN’

“Have You Lost Weight?”

Crossword solutions every week at www.chattanoogapulse.com www.chattanoogapulse.com | Octber 14, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 41 | The Pulse

Ask A Mexican!

By Gustavo Arellano

Special “Best Of” Edition

“Legend has it that two gabacho soldiers during the 1848 MexicanAmerican War tried to drink the liquid that preserved Victoria’s innards and promptly died.” Ask the Mexican at themexican@ askamexican.net, be his fan on Facebook, follow him on Twitter or ask him a video question at youtube.com/askamexicano!

Dear Mexican, What is it with the Mexican hang-up on body parts? When General Antonio Lopez de Santa Anna was struck by a cannonball at the knee in one of his 8,000 wars, his right leg was removed from the knee down. When he returned to Mexico City, he ordered a state funeral be held for his leg. Everyone in the city was commanded to attend. Later, when Santa Anna fell out of favor with the public (he was president 11 times), the aroused populace dug up his leg and paraded it in the streets. The last it was seen, a pack of wild dogs were carrying it across the Zócalo (seeThe Eagle and The Raven by James Michener). Also, General Álvaro Obregon’s arm—blown off in battle—was enshrined in a huge bottle of preservative in the basement of a monument to him in Mexico City until about 15 years ago, when his family suddenly realized it was embarrassing. A tattoo on the arm read, “Lowriders rule!” — Gringo Solo Dear Gabacho, Relying on James Michener for history is like relying on Mexico to stop illegal immigration. So, readers: Gringo Solo’s assertions about lowrider tattoos, embarrassed family members and feral dogs are nothing more than damned lies; every other wild detail is true. And Solo forgot to mention Mexico’s other fetishized choppedoff body parts: Pancho Villa’s missing skull; the severed head of patriot Miguel Hidalgo; Emiliano Zapata’s mustache; and the pickled remains of Mexico’s first president,

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 41 | October 14, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

Guadalupe Victoria (legend has it that two gabacho soldiers during the 1848 MexicanAmerican War tried to drink the liquid that preserved Victoria’s innards and promptly died). I could cry double standard, given America’s love for breasts, skin color and Britney Spears’ panocha, but I’m not going to dodge your point, Gringo Solo. Mexicans do obsess about the body parts of dead people, but that phenomenon is better understood when placed in the context of two mexcellente traits: the Catholic tradition of relics and megalomania. “ The use of messianic imagery [in celebrating chopped-off body parts] was significant on two levels,” Columbia University professor Claudio Lomnitz wrote in his essay “Passion and Banality in Mexican History: The Presidential Persona.” “It was a way of identifying the presidential body with the land, and it cast the people as being collectively in debt to the caudillo for his sacrifices.” Lomnitz concludes that passage rather wryly: “Sovereignty, that ideal location where all Mexicans are created equal, has been a place that only the dead can inhabit, which is why we sometimes fight over their remains.” And ain’t that the pinche truth. Dear Mexican, I recently learned the meaning ofgüero, which until that point I only knew as a Beck album. I started calling some of my whitish Mexican friendsgüero/a, and they seemed displeased. Is the term offensive? — The Korean, Employer of Mexicans,

Therefore Partners in Crime Dear Chinito, Not really. Güero technically means “blond” in Mexican Spanish, but it also refers to a light-skinned person and, by association, gabachos. All Mexicans want to be güero; anyone who claims otherwise does it in the face of the country’s topsy-turvy racial history, where white made might and prietos (dark-skinned folks) were little better than Guatemalans. The most twisted part about güero, however, is that it was originally a slur. Sebastian de Covarrubias Horozco’s 1611 Tesoro de la Lengua Castellana o Española (Treasury of the Castilian or Spanish Language) defined it as a “rotten egg” and added that Spaniards used it to describe a family’s sickly, pale child. Güero, in turn, comes from the medieval Spanish guerar, which describes when a chicken goes broody. Fascinating etymology, right? Except… the official dictionary of the Royal Spanish Academy, the world’s foremost expert of español etymology, says güero originates from an American Indian language. The only indigenous language in which the Mexican could find güero is Arawak, as listed in Antonio Vázquez de Espinosa’s 1628 Compendio y Descripción de las Indias Occidentales (Compendium and Description of the West Indies). Here, guero (no umlaut) is described as a wine, which ultimately makes more sense to signify “blond” than “rotten egg” when one considers sorority girls.