The Pulse 10.33 » August 15, 2013

August 15, 2013

Vol. 10 • No. 33

tech » taking a trip

through the google glass

Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative

the

union question

Will a works council at VW help or hinder?

MUSIC the old time travelers SCREEN much ado arts patten performances

city • classic • cool State of the Arts '13 On newstands Thursday, Aug. 22 Call 423.265.9494 to advertise 2 • The Pulse • AUGUST 15-21, 2013 • chattanoogapulse.com

THIS WEEK AUGIST 15-21 IN THE PULSE EDITORIAL

Managing Editor Mike McJunkin Contributing Editors Janis Hashe • Gary Poole Contributors Rich Bailey • Rob Brezsny • Cody Maxwell T.J. Greever • John DeVore • Janis Hashe Cliff Hightower • Matt Jones • Mike McJunkin Ernie Paik • Gary Poole • Alex Teach Photographer Josh Lang Cartoonists & Illustrators Max Cannon • E.J. Pettinger Jen Sorensen • Tom Tomorrow Editorial Intern Carson O'Shoney Founded 2003 by Zachary Cooper & Michael Kull

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Offices 1305 Carter St., Chattanooga, TN 37402 Phone 423.265.9494 Fax 423.266.2335 Website chattanoogapulse.com Email info@chattanoogapulse.com Calendar calendar@chattanoogapulse.com THE FINE PRINT: The Pulse is published weekly by Brewer Media and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on music, the arts, entertainment, culture and local news. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publisher may take more than one copy per weekly issue. We’re watching. The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors. © 2013 Brewer Media. All rights reserved.

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pansion], but poor folks can seek subsidies to make healthcare and insurance affordable.”

To help educate people about their options, an Affordable Care Act public meeting will be held from 2 to 4 p.m. at the Chattanooga Downtown Library, 1001 Broad St., on Saturday, September 7.

Co-sponsors as of this date are Erlanger Health System and the Tennessee Healthcare Campaign (THCC).

Said Dr. Headrick, “We'll need volunteers willing to take the five-hour online CAC (Certified Application Counselor) class and test to help people enroll, and we'll need an ad campaign to let people know they are eligible.” She emphasized this will be vital to counter what she described as “negative press that will scare folks away.”

ACA Public Meeting

Know Your ObamaCare Enrollment for the new healthcare exchanges mandated by the Affordable Care Act (ACA) begins in October, but few people, especially here in Tennessee, have any idea what that may mean.

“The success of the ACA, and preservation of as many hospitals as possible depends on enrollment,” said Dr. Mary Headrick, healthcare advocate and former Democratic candidate for the 3rd District. “We have 400,000 people statewide, childless adults whom the governor has excluded [from a proposed Medicaid ex-

For more information about the Tennessee Healthcare Campaign, visit THCC2. org —Janis Hashe

Bicycle Parade

Calling All Bike Artistes & Wannabes

• 20 percent of high school seniors can be classified as functionally illiterate at any given time • 70 percent of prisoners in state and federal systems can be classified as illiterate • 85 percent of all juvenile offenders rate as functionally or marginally illiterate • 43 percent of those with the lowest literacy skills live in poverty Stepping up to the plate to fight illiteracy, local rec centers have begun implementing Phase 1 of the Lexia Reading Program. Sign-ups are ongoing at East Chattanooga, East Lake, Brainerd, Carver, South Chattanooga, Hixson and Westside Centers, and rec center personnel say that just 20-30 minutes a day can help upgrade a young person’s reading skills. For more information, call (423) 643-6066.

—J.H.

Ya just gotta love our pals at Outdoor Chattanooga, and they’re at it again with the Bicycle Parade at the Riverfront Nights Summer Music Series this Saturday.

Here’s how they describe it: “Bring your bike, trike, 'bent, fixie, cruiser, beater, tandem, 29-er, carbon framed, special welded, artsy, electric, vintage, hub-generated, hand-powered steed of choice to the Ross's Landing Green.

CNC Moonlight Paddle “We'll parade around the block like the beautiful people that we are, then cop a squat at the Riverfront Nights Summer 2013 Legacy 2.5i AWD #DAA01 2013 Impreza 2.0i Premium w/All Weather Pkg. AWD #DJC22 Music Series concert to drink barley, hops Lease me for $229/month • Due at signing $1,800 • 36 Month Lease Lease me for $249/month • Due at signing $1,800 • 36 Month lease and malt, and listen to Desert Noises.

20,999 be • Finance 1.9% up to 63 months Buy me for $“We'll Buy me for $20,999 • Finance me for 2.9% up to 63 months joinedme byfor Bike Chattanooga, Our super-rainy summer has put the kiGreen Trips, Electric Bike Specialists and bosh on lots of outdoor events, including other very special pedal powered folk. the popular Chattanooga Nature Center Costumes, lights and bike decorations are Bat Watch that was scheduled earlier this encouraged. All riders must be stone cold season. But (always barring more crazy sober at the time of the parade.” weather), you’ll get another chance to see Bike Parade, Sat., Aug, 17. Meet at 6 the gentle flying creatures on Aug. 24 with p.m., parade at 6:30 p.m., music at 7 p.m. the Moonlight Paddle.

Helmets are required for all riders under #U0850 #UU4244 Interested wildlife observers should the age of 16. meet at the Chattanooga Arboretum and —Staff 2013 Legacy 2.5i AWD #DAA01 AWD #DJC22 Nature Center at Reflection Riding for 900 RIVERFRONT PARKWAY • 423-490-0181 Lease me for $229/month • Due at signing $1,800 • 36 Month Lease • 36 Month lease Lexia Reading an informative power point presentation MON.-FRI. 9 A.M.-6Program P.M. • SAT. 9 A.M.-5 P.M. up to12k63 months Buy me for $20,999 • Finance me for 1.9% to 63 months Plus tag, tax, title, miles/year. $0.00 security deposit. APR on select models. Finance rate up to 63 months WAC. Photo does represent actual vehicle. See dealer for details. about bats. Corey Hagen will lead a moon35909259 light paddle along Lookout Creek. PadSAFE . . . FRUGAL . . . GREEN . . . dlers may see bats as well as other interest2013 Legacy 2.5i AWD 2013 Impreza 2.0i Premium w/All Weather Pkg. AWD ing wildlife.

Lease me for 229/month • Due at signing $1,800 • 36 Month Lease Lease me for 249/month • Due at signing $1,800 • 36 Month lease Buy me for 20,999 • Finance me for 1.9% up to 63 months Buy me for 20,999 • Finance me for 2.9% up to 63 months Moonlight Paddle, Aug. 24, 7:15 - 9:30 p.m. Members/adults, $9, seniors/kids When Mayor Andy Berke reorganized ages 4-11, $5.50; nonmembers/adults, $12, some city departments, the Department of seniors/kids ages 4-11, $7. The price inYouth and Family Devlopment, headed by cludes a required parking fee at the Maple #U0850 #UU4244 “Coach” Lurone Jennings was born. At the View Parking area. recent first annual C.A.R.E. Awards, JenPre-registration and prepayment are renings pointed to some startling statistics quired. Call 821-1160, ext. 0 to register.

900 RIVERFRONT PARKWAY • 423-490-0181 900 RIVERFRONT PARKWAY • 423-490-0181 KELLY SUBARU about illiteracy: MON.-FRI. 9 A.M.-6 P.M. • SAT. 9 A.M.-5MON.-FRI. P.M. 9 A.M.-6 P.M. • SAT. 9 A.M.-5 P.M. —J.H. title, 12k miles/year. $0.00 security deposit. APR on select models. Finance rate up to 63 months WAC. Photo does represent actual vehicle. See dealer for details.

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4 • The Pulse • AUGUST 15-21, 2013 • chattanoogapulse.com

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Bats In Their Nightly Summer Flight

LIST

THE

pulse » PICKS

• A curated weekly selection of picks from the Chattanooga Live and Arts & Entertainment calendars by Pulse staffers.

THU08.15 WINE TIME Sauvignon Blanc Wine Class • Can't tell a chardonnay from a merlot?

Come join the experts for an evening of vino veritas education and start on your way to becoming an official wine connoisseur.

6:30 p.m. • Back Inn Café, 412 E. Second St. (423) 265-5033, bluffviewartdistrict.com

SUPERSONG

» pulse PICK of the litter

The Jazz Singer • Annie Sellick may be compared to the greats —“Ella’s playfulness, Carmen’s attitude, Betty’s instincts and Anita’s

flair…” (Greg Lee, WMOT jazz radio). But, she is unequivocally and undeniably an original.Don’t let her Southern drawl, as sweet as biscuits n’ honey, cause you to make assumptions, because there is nothing shy or demure about Sellick’s control - of the stage, the music, her sound, and her audience. Annie’s pure talent as a musician is earning her rave reviews and a growing fan base around the world.

An Evening with Annie Sellick • Friday, 8 p.m. Barking Legs Theater • 1307 Dodds Ave. • (423) 624-5347 • barkinglegs.org

Jennifer Daniels and Jordan Hallquist • Two of the city's most talented singersongwriters join forces. Kind of like the Wonder Twins, only with music and without a monkey sidekick. Or being related.

9 p.m. • Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644, rhythm-brews.com

8 p.m. • Nightfall Music Series, River City Stage at Miller Plaza, 850 Market St. nightfallchattanooga.com

FRI08.16

SHOWCASE

VOICES OF THE CITY

• A stellar lineup of bluegrass talent, including Scenic City Ramblers, McGill & Company, Grass Harpers, and Tin Cup Rattlers.

6 p.m. • Harrison Ruritan Club, 5637 Tennessee 58, Harrison, (423) 3444828, harrisonruritanclub.webs.com

“Walk in My Shoes: True Stories from Chattanooga’s Homeless and NonHomeless Citizens” • They may live in the shadows of society, but their stories cannot and will not be ignored, nor should they be.

7:30 p.m. • ReCreate Café (Salvation Army), 800 McCallie Ave. (423) 756-1023, ext. 136. facebook.com/ReCreateCafeArts

MUSIC Holly Williams • Set aside her famous father and grandfather (Hank, Jr. and Sr. respectively), this is one Williams who stands out entirely on her own talent.

SAT08.17 Bluegrass Jamboree

CINEMA Mise En Scenesters Presents: “V/H/S/2” Screening • Not for the faint of heart or the easily squeamish, this is one film that can only be desribed as truly horrific.

Seriously, you've been warned.

8:30 p.m. • Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave., (423) 624-5347, barkinglegs.org

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chattanoogapulse.com • AUGUST 15-21, 2013 • The Pulse • 5

6 • The Pulse • AUGUST 15-21, 2013 • chattanoogapulse.com

Shades of Green

janis hashe

I Saw In Tennessee A White Oak Growing “You know,” said the claims adjuster, tilting his head as far back as it would go to gaze up at Grandfather’s huge branches, “you really ought to take this one out.”

Oblivious to the horrified look on my face, he continued, “The first thing I did when I bought my place was clear cut everything.

Just to be safe, you know.”

To be fair, the claims adjuster was there because the temperamental black gum tree, further back in the yard, had just dropped a massive branch on the mud porch, doing enough damage that the insurance folks had to be contacted.

What he didn’t know was that 1) He was dealing with a fanatic tree-hugger, 2) I had actually hugged this tree, and 3) This tree had a name: Grandfather.

Grandfather is an enormous white oak at the bottom of the driveway. He is by far the biggest tree on a street of very large trees; his branches soar into the sky, and his trunk is so large before it roots into the ground that two people with outstretched arms could barely encircle it.

This tree was one of the first things I saw when I first looked at the house. Far from thinking, “That will have to go,” I instead marveled that this living thing,

“

But to kill something that is far older than me, that has seen generations of not only squirrels but humans come and go, just to be ‘safe?’ I’ll take my chances, thank you.

RAW PARTY, REDEFINED.

likely 200 or more years old, would be part of the place I lived in every day.

I’m not an arborist, but in my untutored opinion, Grandfather is old enough to have stood there when few humans were here but the Cherokee, and the Cherokee are on my side.

Karen Raley, in her essay “Maintaining Balance: The Religious World of the Cherokee,” writes: “Everything in the Cherokee environment—from corn and tobacco to eagles, deer, and snakes to fire and smoke to creeks and mountains—had an intelligent spirit and played a central role in Cherokee myths as well as daily practices. Native peoples did not view themselves as separate from their environment—they were a part of it.

“Like other native peoples, the Cherokees did not try to rule over nature but instead tried to keep their proper place within it.”

My proper place is to live alongside Grandfather, who is a flourishing eco-system. Birds nest in his branches, fungi live on them, and no one knows how many generations of squirrels have lived hidden among them. He is beautiful in every season: Magnificently furbished in leaves, he shades one whole side of the house in sum-

mer. In fall, he is a symphony of color (and his acorns patter against the roof like hard rain).

Dark against the winter sky, his leafless outline is awe-inspiring.

And in spring, as he leafs out in yellow-green, he is a reminder of renewal I see every time I walk down the driveway.

Of course, the claims adjustor was right. If Grandfather did fall toward the house, his bulk would crush a large portion of the front rooms. But I see that as part of the contract I made when I agreed to come and live in this place. Don’t get me wrong—tree trimming that preserves trees and at the same time, protects your property is just common sense. But to kill something that is far older than me, that has seen generations of not only squirrels but humans come and go, just to be “safe?” I’ll take my chances, thank you.

It’s the humans who have come after the Cherokee that I fear— the ones who cannot seem to grasp that it’s not about saving owls rather than creating jobs, who deny climate change in the face of overwhelming evidence, who do, in fact, believe that we as a species are entitled to do anything we wish to this place we live, no matter how destructive… because we can.

In “Leaves of Grass,” Walt Whitman included a short poem I have always loved, “I Saw in Louisiana A Live-Oak Growing”: I saw in Louisiana a live-oak growing, All alone stood it and the moss hung down from the branches, Without any companion it grew there uttering joyous leaves of dark green, And its look, rude, unbending, lusty, made me think of myself, But I wonder’d how it could utter joyous leaves standing alone there without its friend near, for I knew I could not, And I broke off a twig with a certain number of leaves upon it, and twined around it a little moss, And brought it away, and I have placed it in sight in my room, It is not needed to remind me as of my own dear friends, (For I believe lately I think of little else than of them,) Yet it remains to me a curious token, it makes me think of manly love; For all that, and though the liveoak glistens there in Louisiana solitary in a wide flat space, Uttering joyous leaves all its life without a friend a lover near, I know very well I could not.

LIVE MUSIC & DJs EVERY WEEKEND FRIDAY • AUGUST 16 Jacob & The Good People $1 beer 10-11pm SATURDAY • AUGUST 17 Classes & Workshops $1 beer 10-11pm LIVE MUSIC STARTS @ 10:30pm FRIDAY & SATURDAY NIGHTS DJ REGGIE REG 2nd Floor 9:30pm-3am FRIDAY & SATURDAY NIGHTS

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A Place at the Table

Will a works council at the Volkswagen plant help or hinder? { By Cliff Hightower}

S

ometimes, says Dave Gleason, the humidity can be stifling.

If it's not the humidity, it's not knowing what hours he'll be working. Gleason, a team leader at Volkswagen, can come in to work and suddenly see his 10-hour shift change.

They pay is good, yes, but it is still work. It is still a job. A job he thinks many politicians don't understand.

"Unless they are willing to come down and work my job for a month, they need to shut up," he said.

Gleason, along with others at Volkswagen, is on the front lines of a power struggle on whether the auto plant should unionize.

The union organizers say they have enough cards signed to do it.

"We think we've got it, and we're willing to go for it," said Gleason, who is on the organizing committee for VW. Volkswagen officials could not be reached for comment.

But a former president of the company said last week he had his doubts.

"It's normal behavior," said Don Jackson, former president of manufacturing for the Volkswagen Group of America.

"They've been saying that for four or five or six months."

The struggle to unionize the Volkswagen plant has led some state and local politicians to make comments in the media about how unionizing would have

8 • The Pulse • AUGUST 15-21, 2013 • chattanoogapulse.com

the potential to stifle job growth within Hamilton County (and East Tennessee) for companies who don’t want unions.

It's led special-interest groups to post billboards along state Highway 153 that state, "Auto Unions ate Detroit. Next meal: Chattanooga!"

But for some employees at the plant, this isn't about politics or about whether Chattanooga will turn into Detroit. It's simple.

It's about their jobs. It's about a desire to make sure they have better working conditions and a voice at the table.

"I love the company, but we have some issues with the American management and we have no way of actually addressing those issues when they come up," said Jonathon Walden, a VW employee in the paint department and a union supporter.

What some employees are striving for are two things: a union and a works council. In Germany, works councils are the norm and represent blue- and whitecollar workers. But here in the U.S., it is illegal to have a works council without a union. So, VW employees reached out to the United Auto Workers of America (UAW) a year and a half ago, seeking help organizing the union.

The sides started sparring immediately. Union supporters say the company wants a union. Anti-union folks say the company has never said it wants a union.

Jackson said he's not anti-union; he's pro-company. But at the same time, he

also listed a resume showing 35 years of working in auto plants that prided themselves in not being unionized.

In Jackson’s opinion, unions are a thing of the past. They were good in the 1940s and ’50s, he believes, but times have changed.

The former president mentioned committees he put in place before he left,

the line.

"They're not going to put a new product in a nonunion plant," Gleason said.

"That's not the way they do things."

History shows Volkswagen is favorable toward unions. The only plant without a union is the one here in Chattanooga. The only plant without a works council is located in Russia,

to Chattanooga, and never felt like that shop needed a union.

But he does see the need for a union here.

"A lot of people are receptive, and they've been over there for more than three years, and they've seen how it's changed," he said.

Walden said he would never have thought of joining a union in his life until

“The only plant without a union is the one here in Chattanooga.The only plant without a works council is located in Russia, but that's changing soon as that plant organizes one.” and said what he did mirrors the German works councils.

No place at the international table The VW works councils hold a meeting once a year in Germany. And the only plant not currently represented at that meeting is Chattanooga, because it currently has no works council. But Jackson said that means nothing.

"That once-a-year meeting is not the meeting that makes decisions about plants," he said.

Instead, he thinks Chattanooga's plant can represent itself in other ways, such as through production.

But workers say having only that “voice” isn't good enough. They want to keep their jobs. They want to excel. And not having a place at the table in Germany isn't good enough, especially with the plant trying desperately to secure a second product—a profitable sport utility vehicle—onto

but that's changing soon as that plant organizes one.

Employees are worried, saying they could end up losing the potential second line to the Mexican plant, which is unionized.

For years, Chattanooga was a union town. During its industrial age, when the city was known as the "Dynamo of Dixie," unions became well established in the trade structure. But as we know, industry declined drastically in the 1970s— taking the unions along with it.

Critics of the plan to unionize VW continue to say that the UAW would like to get a foothold in Tennessee and in a Southeastern car plant. But the General Motors plant in Spring Hill, Tenn., has been a union shop and a UAW union shop for more than 20 years.

Gleason grew up around unions. He said his parents worked for General Motors, but that never swayed him one way or the other. He worked for years at a nonunion plant before coming

now. He grew up in southwest Alabama, went to a private college and has been conservative all his life.

"Until I worked at Volkswagen, I would have been as anti-union as anyone," he said.

But life at the plant with its rotating shifts and uncertainty changed his mind. He gave examples of coworkers who were taken off lines with no choice and placed on other jobs without notice. He doesn't like not knowing what times he'll be working and living with rotating in and out.

Asked about the committees that provided the same benefits as a works council, he was frankly bewildered.

"There's committees of some sort somewhere, but there's not access to them," he said.

A union is needed, he said, because no one goes to bat for employees right now.

It's every man for himself.

The good old capitalist way, he said.

"I can't wait for this to happen," he said. "I'm ready for a union to come in."

Live at the MACC

Jazz Singer Annie Sellick

and the UPTown Big Band Saturday, August 17th at 7pm • Admission: $10 Dance Floor Available Beer and Wine cash bar provided by On the List Catering Complimentary light Hors d’oeuvres Tickets are available in advance and at the door Handicapped Accessible For More Information, contact the: Mountain Arts Community Center 809 Kentucky Avenue Signal Mountain, TN 37377 (423) 886-1959 signalmountainmacc.org

chattanoogapulse.com • AUGUST 15-21, 2013 • The Pulse • 9

Marc T. michael

The Old Time Travelers: An Appalachian Treasure Some bands are very eclectic, refusing to identify with any particular genre which can be interesting—or it can be a train wreck. The majority of bands establish a recognizable identity while still allowing themselves enough vagary to claim, “You can’t really put a label on what we do” in interviews, despite the fact that you clearly can. Then there are bands that have found a niche to which their commitment is complete. Their immersion is total. Their message is clear enough: “This is what we do, this ALL that we do and because of that we are the BEST at what we do,” and that, ladies and gentlemen, is precisely what you have with Matt Downer and Clark Williams, aka The Old Time Travelers.

Photos • Jo McCaughey

Call them “old timey,” call them Appalachian, rural, folk, or just good old mountain music, The Old Time Travelers may be “old time” as their name suggests, but I have an alternate theory. I believe that the key words in their name might just as well be “time travelers,” because when the boys strike up the fiddle and start plucking the banjo, you’d swear they just stepped out of the Great Depression having recently played at Tom Joad’s funeral, stopping along the way to swap songs with some cat named Woody.

Their commitment to form is impeccable. I do not for a moment believe that they “chose” a style of music and then bought outfits to match. These fellows play a living, breathing style of music that is deeply ingrained in who they are as human beings. That they dress the part and

10 • The Pulse • AUGUST 15-21, 2013 • chattanoogapulse.com

talk the part is not an affectation—it’s just “how it is.” How else WOULD they dress?

How else WOULD they talk? It isn’t all for the sake of appearance; they even learn their tunes the old-fashioned way, from scratchy 78s, field recordings, and many a night spent on the back porch and in the kitchens of elder musicians who learned the tunes the same way three-quarters of a century ago. Simply put, the Old Time Travelers are one of the last, best examples of the oral tradition of American folk music. They are the real deal. If their stage persona is an act, it is hands-down the best act I have ever seen, and I have seen a few.

The instrumentation is simple enough: fiddle, banjo and guitar with both fellows taking turns on each effortlessly. Vocally, they are well suited to one another,

whether providing the essential chicken clucks for “All My Chicken is Gone,” or the plaintive cowboy yodels of “Way Out There.” If the latter tune doesn’t ring a bell, it should. It was the theme to the 1987 classic Coen brother’s film “Raising Arizona” and the Travelers certainly do justice to the old Bob Nolan “rail riding” tune. If there is a title to this album of theirs, I can’t find it, but there is a lovely picture of a chicken on the cover, so for the moment I’m just going to refer to it as “The Chicken Album.” (The Beatles have “The White Album” after all…) It is a collection of gems, from the classic gospel tune “I Shall Not Be Moved” to the “Darktown Strutters Ball,” which is far more Saturday night than Sunday morning.

If you want a copy of this album (and you DO want a copy of this album), you’ll just have to go see the boys performing, an easy enough task as they are currently in their fifth year of summertime performances at Rock City, playing 11-5 every Friday, Saturday and Sunday from Memorial Day through Labor Day, as well as appearing at a variety of Chattanooga’s favorite music venues. See them live. The album actually does justice to the band, and their spirit of what they do is well represented in the tracks (the mark of a great engineer), but the full effect can only be achieved by actually seeing them on stage or on the street corner. If it doesn’t bring a smile to your face and a swing to your step, if your toes don’t start tapping involuntarily, check your pulse, because something is terribly wrong.

I’ll leave you with this parting thought/ personal anecdote regarding the Old Time Travelers. Most of my people are from Kentucky and West Virginia, a fact I don’t think of often, a fact that doesn’t generally affect my world view in any significant way, but listening to the music of the Travelers I am reminded of my fairly rural heritage, and what’s more I am filled with a sense of pride regarding the same, and that’s a pretty fair trick for a couple of guys in suspenders and straw boater hats to pull off.

Between the Sleeves

record reviews • ernie paik

Brazilian Caprices, Paisley Underground Psychedelia

Hamilton de Holanda Trio (Brasilianos)

W

ay to make everyone feel totally inadequate, Hamilton de Holanda. The master of the 10-string mandolin, known as the bandolim in his native Brazil, began playing at the age of five, and when he was six, he was declared a prodigy and performed on national Brazilian television. Now, at the age of 37, he hasn’t slowed down one bit, and his latest instrumental album Trio with upright bassist André Vasconcellos and percussionist Thiago Serrinha is a superb intersection of the traditional and the modern, infused with numerous influences from jazz, classical, MPB (Brazilian pop music) and even African sources.

Trio is easy on the ears, and it has an abundance of showcases for de Holanda’s rigorous, flawlessly executed mellifluous runs; these are not onanistic, clinical acrobatics, but instead, are imbued with a nuanced

The Three O’Clock The Hidden World Revealed (Omnivore Recordings)

grace, soul and a classical virtuosity. Actually, five of the album’s 12 tracks are caprices (“caprichos” in Portuguese) from the set of 24 caprices de Holanda composed, inspired

by Niccolò Paganini’s famous 24 caprices for violin, and de Holanda’s pieces are challenging studies that transcend being mere exercises. “Capricho de Santa Cecilia” is one of the best of the lot, being a tribute to the patroness of musicians, with an irresistible brightness and nourishing sunny spirit; Serrinha’s brushed drums carry a gentle momentum, while Vasconcellos’s expertly performed bass counterpoint could actually stand to be more prominent in the mix.

Among de Holanda’s originals are versions of Chico Buarque tunes (“Sinha” and “O Que Será? (À Flor da Pele)”) and a Baden Powell number (“Pai”) with a kinetic samba backbone with hand-struck

beats and a brushed-drum shuffle. Trio closes with the tender “Teba,” a solo de Holanda piece that is elegant and graceful yet also manages to be ardent with its pacing and expressive turns, ending with crystalline harmonics that seem to lift the whole album up to the heavens.

T

he Three O’Clock is one of the quintessential Paisley Underground bands of the ’80s—alongside groups such as The Rain Parade, The Dream Syndicate and The Bangles—centered in southern California and drawing heavily and unabashedly from mid-to-late ’60s psychedelic pop and garage rock.

Actually, The Three O’Clock’s front man Michael Quercio is responsible for coining the term “Paisley Underground,” which, believe it or not, profoundly influenced Prince— note that his record label was

called “Paisley Park” and released the final Three O’Clock album in 1988. All right— enough with the music history lesson and geekery; the release at hand, The Hidden World Revealed, is a generous helping of the band’s early-to-mid period material, touching upon key tracks along with an abundance of high-quality rarities.

The album kicks off with a power-pop stomper, “All in Good Time,” with a faux Scottish riff, and two of the band’s most essential tracks are also here, both of which are practically perfect: “With a Cantaloupe Girlfriend” with ringing electric guitars and the driving, head-nod-inducing “Jet Fighter.” Of particular note among the rarities is a track by the pre-Three O’Clock band The Salvation Army, a lowfidelity home demo of “Jennifer Only” that sports distorted guitar chugs, caveman drumming and a bratty punk attitude.

While the psychedelic ’60s flourishes and effects abound, the artificial keyboard melodies firmly date the material with a ’80s stamp, but it’s just a somewhat charming and not-too-distracting zeitgeist emblem. It’s also worth mentioning that Michael Quercio’s voice might be off-putting to some, being fey and effeminate with a distinctive enunciation and ersatz British accent. Paisley Underground newcomers and fans of XTC, Big Star and Nuggets-era rock/pop will find The Hidden World Revealed to be an ample introduction, and the already-initiated will enjoy it as a solid release with excellent rarities and highlights that can be revisited endlessly.

Home Games Sun, Aug 18 • 5:15 PM vs. Jacksonville Suns SunTrust Sunday

Mon, Aug 19 • 5:15 PM vs. Jacksonville Suns Double Header Monday!

Kids Eat Free

Tue, Aug 20 • 7:15 PM vs. Jacksonville Suns BI-LO BOGO

Wed, Aug 21 • 7:15 PM vs. Jacksonville Suns

Thu, Aug 22 • 7:15 PM vs. Jacksonville Suns

chattanoogapulse.com • AUGUST 15-21, 2013 • The Pulse • 11

Chattanooga Live

CHATTANOOGA

MUSIC CALENDAR

Opposite Box

LIVE MUSIC

Annie Sellick

AUGUST

15 CHARLIE WORSHAM FRI 7p 16 SAT DEPARTURE 10p 17 SUN THE FEATURES 6p 18 THE BLACK RABBITS WED 9:30p 21 DANIELS/HALLQUIST THU 9p TWO TOP LOCAL SINGER/SONGWRITERS

with NATHAN FARROW

with THE POWER PLAYERS

JOEY HARVEY & FRIENDS BENEFIT

with SIDECAR SPECIAL

8.22 JESSTA JAMES 8.23 HIP HOP HISTORY 8.24 BREAKFAST CLUB 8.25 CANADIAN COLD FRONT ALL SHOWS 21+ UNLESS OTHERWISE NOTED • NON-SMOKING VENUE

221 MARKET STREET

HOT MUSIC • FINE BEER • GREAT FOOD BUY TICKETS ONLINE • RHYTHM-BREWS.COM

901 Carter St (Inside Days Inn) 423-634-9191

Thursday, August 15: 9pm Open Mic with Hap Henninger Friday, August 16: 9pm Brandon Reeves Saturday, August 17: 10pm Hap Henninger Tuesday, August 20: 7pm

Server/Hotel Appreciation Night $5 Pitchers $2 Wells $1.50 Domestics ●

●

All shows are free with dinner or 2 drinks!

Stop by & check out our daily specials!

Happy Hour: Mon-Fri: 4-7pm $1 10oz drafts, $3 32oz drafts, $2 Wells, $1.50 Domestics, Free Appetizers

Facebook.com/theoffice.chatt

THUrsday 08.15 The Beast and His Image 6 p.m. Cloud Springs Deli, 4097 Cloud Springs Rd., Ringgold, Ga. (706) 956-8128, cloudspringsdeli.com Jimmy Harris 7 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055, thepalmsathamilton.com David Anthony 7 p.m. Palms Patio at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055, thepalmsathamilton.com Blake Morrison 7 p.m. The Backyard Grille, 4021 Hixson Pike.

(423) 486-1369 The Loop 7 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956, sugarsribs.com Blair Crimmins and the Hookers 9 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400, jjsbohemia.com Open Mic with Hap Henninger 9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn).

(423) 634-9191, facebook. com/theoffice.chatt Jennifer Daniels, Jordan Hallquist 9 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644,

12 • The Pulse • AUGUST 15-21, 2013 • chattanoogapulse.com

rhythm-brews.com Opposite Box, Antique Firearms, Soul Mechanic 9 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy. (423) 468-4192, thehonestpint.com Gomez & Rudder 9 p.m. Jack A’s Chop Shop Saloon, 742 Ashland Terrace.

(423) 713-8739, jackaschopshopsaloon.com

friday 08.16 Johnny Cash Tribute Show 5 p.m. The Victorian Lounge, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-5000, choochoo.com Jimmy Harris 7 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055, thepalmsathamilton.com What We’re Afraid Of with Aurora, Everyone a Masterpiece, The Pilots Archive, And So It Goes 7 p.m. Warehouse Cleveland, 260 2nd Street NE., Cleveland. warehousevenue.com Charlie Worsham, Nathan Farrow 7 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644, rhythm-brews.com Cody James Harris 7 p.m. Nightfall Music Series, River City Stage at Miller Plaza, 850 Market St. nightfallchattanooga.com

Mark Kelly Hall 7 p.m. Magoo’s Restaurant, 3658 Ringgold Rd., East Ridge. (423) 867-1351 Holly Williams 8 p.m. Nightfall Music Series, River City Stage at Miller Plaza, 850 Market St. nightfallchattanooga.com.

Rosedale Remedy 8 p.m. Acoustic Café, 61 RBC Drive, Ringgold, Ga. (706) 965-2065, ringgoldacoustic.com Roberts & Sims 8 p.m. Jack A’s Chop Shop Saloon, 742 Ashland Terrace.

(423) 713-8739, jackaschopshopsaloon.com An Evening with Annie Sellick 8 p.m. Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347, barkinglegs.org Milele Roots 8 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400, jjsbohemia.com Sweet N Lowdown 8:30 p.m. The Backyard Grille, 4021 Hixson Pike.

(423) 486-1369 Spand-XXX 9 p.m. SkyZoo, 5709 Lee Hwy. (423) 468-4533, skyzoochattanooga.com Brandon Reeves 9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn).

(423) 634-9191, facebook. com/theoffice.chatt Lee Bains III & the Glory Fires, Bohannons, James

Leg, Water Liars 9 p.m. Sluggo’s, 501 Cherokee Blvd. (423) 752-5224 Plan B 9:30 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956, sugarsribs.com Aunt Betty 10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878, budssportsbar.com Davey Smith 10 p.m. T-Bones, 1419 Chestnut St. (423) 266-4240, tboneschattanooga.com Jacob & The Good People 10:30 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919, facebook. com/raw.chattanooga

saturday 08.17 Dustin Overbeek 12:30 p.m. Chattanooga River Market, Tennessee Aquarium Plaza, 1 Broad St. (423) 402-9960, chattanoogarivermarket.com Johnny Cash Tribute Show 5 p.m. The Victorian Lounge, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-5000, choochoo.com Harrison Ruritan Club Bluegrass Jamboree with Scenic City Ramblers, McGill & Company, Grass Harpers, Tin Cup Rattlers 6 p.m. Harrison Ruritan Club, 5637 Tennessee 58, Harrison. (423) 344-4828, harrisonruritanclub.webs.com Jimmy Harris

Chattanooga Live

backylaerd gril

MUSIC CALENDAR Bohannons

Buddy Mondlock

ROCKIN’ IN FRONt, SMOKIN’ OUt baCK NO SMOKING • ID REQUIRED • $5 COVER baND NIGhtS LIVE MUSIC • DRINK SPECIaLS • bIKES WELCOME!

Thursday August 15

blake morrison

Fri. Aug 16

sweet n lowdown whiskey run

Sat. Aug 17

7 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd. #202 (423) 499-5055 thepalmsathamilton.com Brantley Smith with Crownover and The Mailboxes 7 p.m. The Camp House, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081, thecamphouse.com Uptown Big Band featuring Annie Sellick 7 p.m. Mountain Arts Community Center, 809 Kentucky Ave., Signal Mtn. (423) 866-1959, signalmountainmacc.org Marshall Law Band 8 p.m. Acoustic Café, 61 RBC Dr., Ringgold, Ga. (706) 965-2065, ringgoldacoustic.com Buddy Mondlock 8 p.m. Charles and Myrtle’s Coffeehouse, 105 McBrien Rd. (423) 892-4960, christunity.org Riverfront Nights Summer Music Series: Desert Noises with the Power Players 8 p.m. Riverfront Nights, 21st Century Waterfront Park. riverfrontnights.com Ragdoll 8:30 p.m. Jack A’s Chop Shop Saloon, 742 Ashland Terrace. (423) 713-8739, jackaschopshopsaloon.com Whiskey Run 9 p.m. The Backyard Grille, 4021 Hixson Pike.

(423) 486-1369 Zach Dylan

9 p.m. Pokey’s Sports Bar, 918 Sahara Drive, Cleveland.

(423) 476-6059 Marlowe Drive 9 p.m. SkyZoo, 5709 Lee Hwy. (423) 468-4533, skyzoochattanooga.com Standing Room Only 9:30 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956, sugarsribs.com Departure: A Tribute to Journey with The Power Players 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644, rhythm-brews.com Hap Henninger 10 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn).

(423) 634-9191, facebook. com/theoffice.chatt Aunt Betty 10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878, budssportsbar.com Southern Standard Time 10 p.m. T-Bones, 1419 Chestnut St. (423) 266-4240, tboneschattanooga.com Classes & Workshops 10:30 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919, facebook. com/raw.chattanooga

sunday 08.18 Jacob Johnson 12:30 p.m. Chattanooga Market, First Tennessee Pavilion, 1829 Carter St. chattanoogamarket.com

Roxie Randle 2 p.m. Chattanooga Market, First Tennessee Pavilion, 1829 Carter St. chattanoogamarket.com Chattanooga Traditional Irish Music Session 5 p.m. Moccasin Bend Brewing Company, 4015 Tennessee Ave. (423) 821-6392, bendbrewingbeer.com Joey Harvey & Friends Benefit with The Features, Bohannons, Mythical Motors, Sir Army Suit 6 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644, rhythm-brews.com Brittany Lane, Michelle Branch, The Quote Unquotes 7 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy. (423) 468-4192, thehonestpint.com

monday 08.19 Diarreha Planet, So So Glows, Folk Killer 9 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-1400, jjsbohemia.com

tuesday 08.20 Tim Starnes and Friends 7 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956, sugarsribs.com

wednesday 08.21 Jimmy Harris 7 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055, thepalmsathamilton.com 6 String Suga Daddy 7 p.m. Jack A’s Chop Shop Saloon, 742 Ashland Terrace.

(423) 713-8739, jackaschopshopsaloon.com Dan Sheffield 7 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956, sugarsribs.com Brody Johnson and Mark Cunningham Unplugged 8 p.m. Acoustic Café, 61 RBC Dr., Ringgold, Ga. (706) 965-2065, ringgoldacoustic.com Dan Tedesco, Ryan Oyer 9 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy. (423) 468-4192, thehonestpint.com 2nFro & Frenz 9 p.m. Pokey’s Sports Bar, 918 Sahara Drive, Cleveland. (423) 476-6059 Black Rabbits, Sidecar Special 9:30 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644, rhythm-brews.com

Map these locations on chattanoogapulse.com. Send event listings at least 10 days in advance to: calendar@ chattanoogapulse.com.

ladies night!

7:00pm10:00pm 8:30pm 9:00pm

E $11.95 RIb EY E IV DINNER ON LtS! MUSIC NIGh 4021 HIXSON PIKE “WE SMOKE IN OUR BACKYARD”

between access road & ashland terrace

423.486.1369 • backyardgrillechattanooga.com

Hot Music • Hot Times • Hot Food

Smoke Free • 742 Ashland Terrace

15 Gomez & Rudder FRI AUG 16 Roberts & Sims SAT AUG 17 Ragdoll THU AUG

HAPPY HOUR

3P-7P • MON-FRI BIKE NIGHT EVERY

WEDNESDAY

(423) 710-8739

jackaschopshopsaloon.com

chattanoogapulse.com • AUGUST 15-21, 2013 • The Pulse • 13

Arts Bringing the World to Chattanooga janis hashe

34-year-old Patten Performances still challenging and innovating

In 1980, the Chattanooga arts scene consisted of the symphony, the Hunter (sans signature cliffside building) and the then“Little Theatre.” There was also, relates Bob Boyer, a fairly flourishing pop music scene inside places such as The Brass Register, Yesterdays, Black Angus, The Tiki Hut, and, Boyer remembers fondly, Dino’s Bar & Grill.

But there was nothing like the series that premiered that year at the new UTC Fine Arts Center, partially funded by the Gray family in honor of its famous relative, Dorothy Patten. “Before Samuel L. Jackson, Dorothy Patten was probably the most famous Chattanoogan actor,” Boyer says, noting that she appeared in 30 Broadway plays and several films. The original proposal for

“The Dorothy Patten Fine Arts Series” states: “The firm intent of UTC is to present an eclectic series of performers of national reputation and superior talents which will augment the artistic presentations of Chattanooga’s professional symphony, opera and theatre. This new series will not replace existing performances; instead, it will serve to broaden and deepen the artistic life of our community.”

That first series kicked off with a bang, presenting world-class performers such as Marcel Marceau and the Pablo Casals Trio. It also included a performance of “A Midsummer Night’s Dream” by The Acting Company, which has continued its relationship with UTC for the following 33 years.

“

One of the things I’ve discovered is that my audience is far more adventurous than I had given them credit for.

Bob Boyer Director, Patten Performances

The Blind Boys of Alabama kick off the 2013 - 2014 series Sept. 23

14 • The Pulse • AUGUST 15-21, 2013 • chattanoogapulse.com

And during those years, Chattanooga arts lovers have been privileged to experience music, theatre and dance performances that would be the envy of many other cities its size, and at ticket costs that are amazingly affordable, due to the support of the university’s foundation. Boyer, who became the series’ director in 2004, credits the foresight of his predecessors, and leaders such as former mayor Robert Kirk Walker, for understanding that a series that was designed not to make money, but to enhance the

honest music

cultural landscape, was worthy of support.

“One of the things that great innovators do is try to drive some of the cultural conversations in the community,” Boyer says. “Our budgets are stable, and we do not rely entirely on ticket revenue.

This enables us to get out on the edge and present art that might not show up in the profit-driven venues.”

All has not been smooth sailing, however. When Boyer took over in mid-2004, managing a series that had already been

my audience is far more adventurous than I had given them credit for.”

Boyer attends arts trade shows each year, which feature showcases of performers and performances available for booking, and agents bombard him with offers for others. But Boyer holds out for the best he can find. “I want magic,” he says, pointing to performances by Kathy Mattea, the Classical Theatre of Harlem, Secret Sisters, Diavolo Dance Theater and Ladysmith Black Mambazo as some of the nights to remember.

“With Kathy Mattea, for example—she is the real thing. She was singing the songs of the coal miners… that honesty turns into magic,” he says.

Like all fine arts programmers, Boyer is seeking ways to attract younger audiences. He laments, “We are essentially dealing Ballet Hispanico • Oct 28 with a second generation which did not have the adprogrammed, subscribers were vantage of arts in the schools.” unhappy at the complexity of But there are some bright spots: booking subscriptions, and totals “Music is crossing generational plummeted. It took two years to and genre lines more than ever,” right the ship and lure them back, he says. In the 2013-2014 series, Boyer says. Now, however, he’s Sybarite5, a young string quartet, able to maintain a booking for“plays everything from Mozart to mula that essentially consists of Radiohead.” Performances like “four familiar names or titles, and these, he says, bring in people three that may not be.” The seawho recognize the series as someson still balances music, dance thing for them, rather than just and theatre presentations. for their parents.

“I listen to the dance gurus in New this year are two “Patten town when booking the dance Unplugged” performances, somecompanies,” he says. “And one of thing Boyer wants to expand in the things I’ve discovered is that the future.

2013-2014 Patten Performances: • Blind Boys of Alabama: Sept. 23 • “Fahrenheit 451” (Aquila Theatre): Oct. 8 • Ballet Hispanico: Oct. 28 • Sybarite5: Jan. 27, 2014 • Koresh Dance: Feb. 25, 2014 • “Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead” (The Acting Company): Mar. 18, 2014 • Stephon Harris: Apr. 1, 2014

Patten Unplugged: • Katie Trotta: Sept. 14 • Lon Eldridge: Jan. 11, 2014 All performances 7:30 p.m. in the UTC Fine Arts Center. Season subscriptions $110-$140; individual shows, $24 per ticket (Patten Unplugged, $10).

(423) 425-4269 or tickettracks.com “We offer intimate, professional shows in a venue that is comfortable and has great sight lines and acoustics. The ‘Unplugged’ shows slot in people who are a little less well known, but who are working at the highest levels,” he says.`

local and regional shows

Opposite Box with Antique Firearms , Soul Mechanic [$7] Dan Tedesco and Ryan Oyer [$3] Crass Mammoth, The Average and Scenic [$5] Crying Wolf [$5]

Thu, Aug 15 Wed, Aug 21 Thu, Aug 22 Wed, Aug 28

Sundays: Live Trivia 4-6pm followed by Live Music August 18 - Brittany Lane with Michelle Branch and The Quote Unquotes [FREE]

9pm 9pm 9pm 9pm

Full food menu serving lunch and dinner.

11am-2am, 7 days a week.

35 Patten Parkway * 423.468.4192 thehonestpint.com * Facebook.com/thehonestpint

chattanoogapulse.com • AUGUST 15-21, 2013 • The Pulse • 15

atop Lookout Mountain

Arts & Entertainment

EVENTS CALENDAR

Hummingbirds at the Nature Center

THUrsday 08.15

The perfect place to take in the 7 states view at Rock City Gardens while feasting on delicious modern Southern cuisine.

Café 7 is also the best place to enjoy Summer Music Weekends featuring the traditional regional music of the Old Time Travelers. Café 7 and Summer Music Weekends are just two of a host of reasons to get a Rock City Annual Pass.

Seating available Thur.–Sun. 11am-4pm

Local, Fresh, Seasonal for more info call 706.820.2531

See RockCity.com

Hummingbirds 9 a.m. – noon.

Chattanooga Arboretum and Nature Center, 400 Garden Rd. (423) 821-1160, chattanoogaanc.org Sauvignon Blanc Wine Class 6:30 p.m. Back Inn Café, 412 E. Second St. (423) 265-5033, bluffviewartdistrict.com “Doorway” 7 p.m. Artsy-U, 5084 S. Terrace, East Ridge.

(423) 321-2317, artsychattanooga.com “Summer Swing” 7 p.m. Uptown Art, 2 Cherokee Blvd., Suite 100.

(423) 602-8580, uptownart.com Myq Kaplan 7:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233, thecomedycatch.com

friday 08.16 “Wine and Grapes” 2 p.m. Artsy-U, 5084 S. Terrace, East Ridge.

(423) 321-2317, artsychattanooga.com “Cherokee Sunset”

16 • The Pulse • AUGUST 15-21, 2013 • chattanoogapulse.com

7 p.m. Uptown Art, 2 Cherokee Blvd., Suite 100.

(423) 602-8580, uptownart.com “Van Gogh” 7 p.m. Artsy-U, 5084 S. Terrace, East Ridge.

(423) 321-2317, artsychattanooga.com “Walk in My Shoes: True Stories from Chattanooga’s Homeless and NonHomeless Citizens” 7:30 p.m. ReCreate Café (Salvation Army), 800 McCallie Ave. (423) 756-1023, ext. 136. facebook.com/ ReCreateCafeArts “Shrek the Musical” 7:30 p.m. The Colonnade Civic Center, 264 Catoosa Circle, Ringgold, Ga. (706) 935-9000, colonnadecenter.org Myq Kaplan 7:30, 9:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233, thecomedycatch.com All-White Social Mixer with Ashlyn Prather, Chef Jenard Wells and more 8 p.m. - midnight The Camp House, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081, thecamphouse.com

Carlos Valencia

Carlos Valencia 9:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839, funnydinner.com

saturday 08.17 Chattanooga Mud Run 9 a.m. - 3 p.m.

Greenway Farms, 5051 Gann School Rd. (423) 643-6096, chattanoogamudrun.com River Market Yoga 10 a.m. Chattanooga River Market, Tennessee Aquarium Plaza, 1 Broad St. (423) 648-2496, chattanoogarivermarket. com Artist Demonstration with Sherry Nickell 11 a.m. - 4 p.m. River Gallery, 400 E. Second St. (423) 265-5033, river-gallery.com Harrison Ruritan Club BBQ & Bluegrass Jamboree 11 a.m. - 9 p.m. Harrison Ruritan Club, 5637 Tennessee 58, Harrison.

(423) 344-4828, harrisonruritanclub. webs.com “Shrek the Musical” 1 p.m., 7:30 p.m.

The Colonnade Civic Center, 264 Catoosa Circle, Ringgold, GA. (706) 935-9000, colonnadecenter.org Miyazaki Movie Month: “Howl’s Moving Castle” 2 p.m. Chattanooga Public Library Northgate Branch, 278 Northgate Mall.

(423) 870-0635, lib.chattanooga.gov “Tuscan Landscape” 7 p.m. Uptown Art, 2 Cherokee Blvd., Suite 100.

(423) 602-8580, uptownart.com “Whimsical Evening” 7 p.m. Artsy-U, 5084 S. Terrace, East Ridge.

(423) 321-2317, artsychattanooga.com Retro Movie Night 8:00 p.m. Tennessee Riverpark, (423) 842-6748, http://www.hamiltontn. gov/events/ RetroMovieNight.aspx Myq Kaplan 7:30, 9:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233, thecomedycatch.com Mise En Scenesters Presents: “V/H/S/2” Screening 8:30 p.m. Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave.

Arts & Entertainment

EVENTS CALENDAR

"Howl's Moving Castle"

"Stuff The Bus" (423) 624-5347, barkinglegs.org Carlos Valencia 10:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839, funnydinner.com

sunday 08.18 Live United - “Stuff the Bus” 11 a.m. - 4 p.m.

Chattanooga Market, First Tennessee Pavilion, 1829 Carter St. chattanoogamarket.com “Rustic Cross” 4 p.m. Uptown Art, 2 Cherokee Blvd., Suite 100.

(423) 602-8580, uptownart.com Chattanooga Lookouts vs. Jacksonville Suns 5:15 p.m. AT&T Field, 201 Power Alley.

(423) 267-2208, lookouts.com Myq Kaplan 7:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233, thecomedycatch.com

monday 08.19 “Lamb” - Family Night 5:30 p.m. Artsy-U, 5084 S. Terrace, East Ridge.

(423) 321-2317, artsychattanooga.com Summer POV Film Series: “Best Kept Secret” Screening 6:30 p.m. YMCA Downtown, 301 W. 6th St. (423) 266-3766. ymcachattanooga.org School Spirit - Choose Your Team Owl 7 p.m. Uptown Art, 2 Cherokee Blvd., Suite 100.

(423) 602-8580, uptownart.com Chattanooga Lookouts vs. Jacksonville Suns 7:15 p.m. AT&T Field, 201 Power Alley.

(423) 267-2208, lookouts.com

tuesday 08.20 “Swirly Night” 7 p.m. Artsy-U, 5084 S. Terrace, East Ridge.

(423) 321-2317, artsychattanooga.com “Funky Bird” 7 p.m. Uptown Art, 2 Cherokee Blvd., Suite 100. (423) 602-8580, uptownart.com Chattanooga Lookouts vs. Jacksonville Suns 7:15 p.m. AT&T Field, 201 Power Alley. (423) 2672208, lookouts.com

wednesday 08.21 “Retro Flowers” 7 p.m. Uptown Art, 2 Cherokee Blvd., Suite 100.

(423) 602-8580, uptownart.com Chattanooga Lookouts vs. Jacksonville Suns 7:15 p.m. AT&T Field, 201 Power Alley, (423) 267-2208, lookouts.com

ONGOING Magic Tree House traveling exhibit 10 a.m. - 5 p.m. Mon-Sun. Creative Discovery Museum, 321 Chestnut St. (423) 756-2738, cdmfun.org “Whitfield Lovell: Deep River” 10 a.m. - 8 p.m. Thur., 10 a.m. – 5 p.m. Fri.-Sat, Noon - 5 p.m. Sun. Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View Ave., (423) 267-0968, huntermuseum.org “Sense of Place” 10 a.m. - 5 p.m. Mon-Sat, 1-5 p.m. Sun. River Gallery, 400 E. 2nd St. (423) 265-5033, river-gallery.com

“Iconic Chattanooga” 10 a.m. - 5 p.m. Mon-Fri. Reflection Gallery, 6922 Lee Hwy., (423) 892-3072, reflectionsgalleryTN.com “The Fair Game Project” 10 a.m. - 5 p.m. MonFri., Noon- 4 p.m. Sat. Bessie Smith Cultural Center, 200 E. Martin Luther King Blvd.

(423) 266-8658, bessiesmithcc.org Community Arts Show: “Mark Making” 11 a.m. - 5 p.m. Tues.- Sat. AVA Gallery, 30 Frazier Ave. (423) 265-4282, avarts.org “Pooled Elements: A Jewelry Collective” 11 a.m. - 6 p.m., Mon-Sat, 1-5 p.m. Sun. In-Town Gallery, 26A Frazier Ave. (423) 267-9214, intowngallery.com Rock City Raptors 11 a.m. - 3 p.m. Fri-Sat, Rock City, 1400 Patten Rd., Lookout Mtn, Ga. (706) 820-2531, seerockcity.com Map these locations on chattanoogapulse.com. Send event listings at least 10 days in advance to: calendar@ chattanoogapulse.com.

Named “One of the Ten Most Incredible Cave Waterfalls on Earth” World Reviewer

423.821.2544 RubyFalls.com

OPEN DAILY! NEW FOR 2013: Climbing Tower & ZIP Ride!

Aerial Adventure.

423.821.2544 RubyFallsZip.com

chattanoogapulse.com • AUGUST 15-21, 2013 • The Pulse • 17

Screen

john devore

Hollywood House Party With The Bard and Other Hipsters “

The friendship between the actors spills over into the dialogue, making the conversations seem spontaneous and engaging.

Joss Whedon’s crew livens up “Much Ado”

There is a class warrior part of myself, based somewhat on jealousy, which wants to be annoyed at the idea of beautiful, rich white people staging a black-and-white indie version of a Shakespeare comedy in the mansion of one of the hottest directors in Hollywood. On the surface, the entire production is an exercise in pretension, a creation of boredom and wealth, the product of an impromptu but lavish party over the course of a long weekend. As much as I love the Bard, part of me wants to hate Joss Whedon’s “Much Ado About Nothing.” There is already the exceptional 1993 film version of the play featuring Emma Thompson and Kenneth Branagh, a production that is near perfect in execution. A range of other Shakespeare plays could use the touch of a director like Whedon. Yet, despite my misgivings and preconceptions, I loved the film. It’s a faithful, lighthearted, and fun adaptation that works well in spite of what appears to be simple and limited staging.

For those unfamiliar with the works of Shakespeare, “Much Ado About Nothing” is as good a starting point as any. Much of the language is straightforward and conversational, the plot easy to follow, and it remains as funny now as it was when it was written.

18 • The Pulse • AUGUST 15-21, 2013 • chattanoogapulse.com

Shakespeare tends to be as boring as the cast makes it, and in the case of Joss Whedon’s adaptation, the cast perform their roles both naturally and believably. Of particular note is Amy Acker as Beatrice, who injects an abundance of fire and wit into the role. Next

to Kate from “The Taming of the Shrew,” Beatrice is arguably one of the most recognizable female roles in all of Shakespeare’s collected plays. Acker steps into the part as if it is a second skin, a far departure from some of her more mousy roles in the Whedon universe. Her foil, the slick-tongued Benedick (Alexis Denisoff), doesn’t quite have the same spark. Beatrice has the upper hand in every exchange.

The chemistry between the characters doesn’t quite work as well as it should. This may be simply because I have a preference for Branagh—not a fair comparison by any stretch of the imagination but one that is impossible not to make. On the whole, Denisoff performs admirably and does the part justice, as does the rest of the cast.

Which cast, of course, is a cavalcade of familiar faces from the television shows and films in the Whedon portfolio. Actors from

“Firefly,” “Buffy,” “Angel,” “Dollhouse,” and “The Avengers” are well represented. Directors have long gravitated towards using a specific stable of actors—look no further than the films of Kevin Smith or Judd Apatow. There’s a certain comfort between the players that is essential in creating a film like this one. The friendship between the actors spills over into the dialogue, making the conversations seem spontaneous and engaging, rather than stilted and old.

The 1993 film felt much the same— the only difference being the overall production values. Italy is much more scenic than Whedon’s backyard. However, Nathan Fillion as the bumbling constable Dogberry is one notable improvement over the 1993 version, being more intelligible and affably clueless than the Beetlejuice-esque performance of Michael Keaton. Ultimately, it’s an ensemble cast that makes the film enjoyable.

As an adaptation, this “Much Ado About Nothing” is excellent.

Shakespeare on film is not easy— the language alone can be a challenge for both the actors and the viewers. There are frightfully few film adaptations that really entertain in a universal way. It would be nice if Whedon’s moderate success with “Much Ado About Nothing” is replicated every few years or so with other plays. I would love to see “The Comedy of Errors” or “Twelfth Night” done well for the big screen. Shakespeare doesn’t need a big, CGI-filled production like the recent Julie Taymor adaptation of “The Tempest.” The story is the words—and words without thoughts never to heaven go.

Editor’s note: “Much Ado About Nothing” has ended its short run at the Majestic 12, but will shortly be available in other formats.

Tech

rich bailey

Through the Google Glass David Shellabarger wakes up his Google Glass by tapping on its side.

From a thin semicircle clasped around his forehead hangs a curved prism that projects menus and images on a tiny screen that seem to float just above the wearer's right eye. The wearer can take still or video images using voice commands or a button on the frame. It connects wirelessly to the user's phone for web browsing. Glass transmits sound using a little panel that rests against the user's temple and sends vibrations through the bones of the head.

Shellabarger is a freelance app developer for the Android platform. He is one of 10,000 people in the U.S.—and three people he knows of in Chattanooga—who paid $1,500 for the Google Glass's post-beta, pre-launch Explorer edition.

It's not sold commercially yet, and he says the smart money is on a 2014 introduction. The capabilities of this early version are limited, but that's OK for extreme early adopters like him.

"I can only justify buying the thing because I'm a developer, to be honest," he says. "It doesn't actually provide $1,500 of value to anyone."

He plays a video to show me what bystanders will see when someone wearing a Glass is recording. He sees a full-color screen that looks about the size of a smart phone display, but translucent with the real world showing through. I see what he sees, only backwards, looking through the back of his clear plastic screen, and to me it's about a quarter-inch square.

He says it's Richard Branson,

but all I can see is movement. I'm not sure I can see enough detail to know if he were violating community standards by watching a porn movie in public. I sure couldn't tell the difference between watching "Sharknado" or "Holy Motors."

He lets me test Glass out for myself, and the basic capabilities, though not worth the current price tag, are pretty cool.

The floating screen, up there where there's usually not much going on, sort of makes me want to duck my chin to bring the screen down closer to eye level.

I can scroll through menu options by brushing the side of the frame like you do to a laptop's track pad. Glass responds to voice commands, even when I think I'm only conversing. After I say "take a picture" and Glass does, I'm thinking out loud about the interface and start saying to Shellabarger, "So when I say 'take a picture' it gives me..."

"You just took a picture," he interrupts. "You say 'take a picture' and away it goes. It's super fast."

He thinks it's tough to predict

how big Glass will take off without knowing what apps will eventually be developed for it.

Privacy concerns have already led Google to ban facial recognition software, but Shellabarger thinks a more interesting app for Glass—which he's interested in building —could be object recognition, programs that identify that wedge on your plate as a slice of pizza and estimate calories. Or "find my car" apps, which are already available for smart phones, but could be so much more convenient if all you had to do was tell your Glass to remember where your car is.

If the price is $200, he thinks you'll see Glass everywhere you go within two years. At $400, he sees low acceptance, partly because Glass doesn't really replace any devices, like smart phones and tablets can. No matter what it can do, Glass remains an accessory to a smart phone.

But it does some things better.

He uses it for hands-free email checking while he's walking his dog. And Glass was his primary camera during a vacation in Italy.

Photo of David Shellabarger taken with Google Glass

"I take a lot more pictures," he says. "I have video of my dog running up at me and jumping into my lap. You can't get a picture of that with your phone."

OK, I'm going out on a limb to predict a new category of Glassenabled cat videos on the web.

You heard it here first.

"Sometimes you get mobbed when you're wearing them," he says, showing me the nonprescription lenses that attach to the Glass. "Putting in these shades reduces that because it looks more like normal sunglasses. A couple weeks ago, I went to the library to get something 3D printed and totally got mobbed."

The dark lenses attach to the Glass frame with a little plastic piece that twists into place between the vertical struts that hold the nose pads.

"I want to 3D print this little plastic piece and put a magnet in it, decouple this from the Glass and put a separate magnet on the Glass, so I can just snap the shades on," he says. "Right now you have to take the Glass off to attach the shades."

And that will be the killer app for me: when one of Chattanooga's Google Glass testers tricks out his unit with a part that's 3D printed on The Public Library's Fourth Floor.

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Free Will Astrology

rob brezsny the matter is that a large number of life forms share your body and constantly help you in ways about which you have no conscious awareness. Might there be other examples of you collecting benefits from unknown sources? Well, do you know who is responsible for providing you with the water and electricity you use? Who sewed your clothes and made your medicine? Who built the roads and buildings you use? This is an excellent time to take inventory of all the assistance, much of it anonymous, that you are so fortunate to receive.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): “The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” When I came across that quote while surfing the Web, I felt that it jibed perfectly with the astrological omens that are currently in play for you. Every website I consulted agreed that the speaker of this wisdom was Socrates, but I thought the language sounded too contemporary to have been uttered by a Greek philosopher who died 2,400 years ago. After a bit of research, I found the real source: a character named Socrates in Way of the Peaceful Warrior, a New Age selfhelp book by Dan Millman. I hope this doesn’t dilute the impact of the quote for you, Leo. For now, it is crucial that you not get bogged down in quarreling and brawling. You need to devote all your energy to creating the future.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Do you know that you are a host for more than 10,000 different species of microorganisms? Many of them are bacteria that perform functions essential to your health. So the stunning fact of

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LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): More often than not, your fine mind does a competent job of defining the problems that need solving.

It comes up with concise questions that lead you in the right direction to find useful clues. It gathers evidence crisply and it makes smart adjustments as the situation evolves.

But after studying the astrological factors currently at work, I’m a little concerned that your usually fine mind might temporarily be prone to suffering from the dreaded malady known as paralysis through over-analysis. To steer yourself away from that possibility, keep checking in with your body and your feelings to see what alternate truths they may have to tell you.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): By the standards of people who don’t know you well, the triumph you achieve in the coming days might seem modest.

But I think it will actually be pretty dramatic. Here’s my only concern: There’s a slight danger you will get grandiose or even a bit arrogant in the aftermath of your victory. You could also get peeved at those who don’t see it for the major achievement it is. Now that I’ve given you this warning, though, I’m hoping you will avoid that fate. In-

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stead you will celebrate your win with humble grace, feeling gratitude for all the help you got long the way.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): “All my life, my heart has yearned for a thing I cannot name.” So said French writer André Breton. I suspect that many of us feel the same way, which is kind of depressing. But the good news for you, Sagittarius, is that there will be times in the coming months when you will get as close to naming that mysterious thing as you have ever gotten. On more than a few occasions, you may be able to get a clear glimpse of its true nature. Now and then you might even be fully united with it. One of those moments could come soon.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): The Paris Review did a story on novelist William Gass. The interviewer asked him why he wrote his books. That was “a very dumb question,” he sneered.

Nevertheless, he answered it, saying, “I write because I hate. A lot. Hard.”

In other words, his primary motivations for expressing himself creatively were loathing, malice, and hostility.

I beg you not to use him as your role model, Capricorn. Not now. Not ever.

But especially now. It is essential to your long-term health and wealth that you not be driven by hate in the coming weeks. Just the opposite, in fact: The more you are driven by love and generosity, the better chance you will have of launching a lucky streak that will last quite a while.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): “Until we have seen someone’s darkness, we don’t really know who they are,” said author Marianne Williamson. “Until we have forgiven someone’s darkness, we don’t really know what love is.” Your assignment, Aquarius, is to seek out the deepest possible understanding of these truths. To do that, you will have to identify the unripe, shadowy quali-

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ties of the people who are most important to you. And then you will have to find it in your smart heart to love them for their unripe, shadowy qualities almost as much as you do for their shiny, beautiful qualities.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Aldous Huxley was the renowned 20th-century intellectual who wrote the book Brave New World, a dystopian vision of the future. Later in his life he came to regret one thing: how “preposterously serious” he had been when he was younger. “There are quicksands all about you, sucking at your feet,” he ruminated, “trying to suck you down into fear and self-pity and despair.

That’s why you must walk so lightly.

Lightly, my darling …Learn to do everything lightly. Yes, feel lightly even though you’re feeling deeply.” I would love for you to put this counsel at the top of your priority list for the next ten months, darling Pisces. Maybe even write it out on a piece of paper and tape it to your bathroom mirror.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Normally, International CAPS LOCK DAY happens only once a year, on June 28. But in alignment with your current astrological omens, you have been granted the right to observe the next seven days as your own personal International CAPS LOCK DAYS. That means you will probably be forgiven and tolerated if use OVERHEATED ORATORY and leap to THUNDEROUS CONCLUSIONS and engage in MELODRAMATIC GESTURES. You may even be thanked—although it’s important to note that the gratitude you receive may only come later, AFTER THE DUST HAS SETTLED. TAURUS (April 20-May 20): William Turner was a 19th-century English landscape painter born under the sign of Taurus. His aim was not to capture scenes in realistic detail but rather to convey the emotional impact they

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Some years back, the Greek government launched a huge anti-smoking campaign. In response, cigarette sales spiked dramatically. When my daughter was six years old, I initiated a crusade to ban Barbie dolls from our home forever. Soon she was ripping out pictures of the accursed anti-feminist icon from toy catalogs and leaving them on my desk.

With these events in mind, I’m feeling cautious about trying to talk you into formulating a five-year master plan.

Maybe instead I should encourage you to think small and obsess on transitory wishes.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): “Wings are a constraint that makes it possible to fly,” the Canadian poet Robert Bringhurst reminds us. That will be a good principle for you to keep in mind during your own adventures during the coming weeks. I suspect that any liberation you are able to achieve will come as the result of intense discipline. To the degree that you cultivate the very finest limitations, you will earn the right and the power to transcend inhibitions that have been holding you down.

Homework: Is there an area of your life where your effects are different from your intentions?

Testify at Freewillastrology.com.

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made on him. He testified that on one occasion he had himself tied to the mast of a ship during a snowstorm so that he could experience its full effects firsthand. The result was “Snow Storm - Steam-Boat off a Harbor’s Mouth,” a painting composed mostly of tempestuous swirls. What would be the equivalent for you, Taurus? I’m trying to think of a way you could be perfectly safe as you treated yourself to an upclose encounter with elemental energies.

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19 Ace a test 20 Attaches 21 2008 Mariah Carey song in dire need of painkillers?

23 Part of a bridal outfit 24 “Barbarella” actor Milo 25 “One ___ Beyond” 26 Threesome per inning?

27 Portland-toLas Vegas dir.

28 “Don’t touch my squeaky toy!”

30 Pretty much out of fuel, according to the gas gauge

31 “Kazaam” star, familiarly 33 Close election aftermaths 35 Cyndi Lauper song that’s full of regret?

38 Handlebar, e.g.

41 Per unit 44 Interloper on a blanket 45 Female in a forest 46 Board head: abbr.

48 Gypsy, more correctly 50 Actor Luke of “Kung Fu” 52 Boxer Ali 54 Not for here 55 With 59-across, Taylor Swift song about medicine leaking during a jam session?

57 1993 Texas standoff city 58 Dictation taker, for short 59 See 55-across 61 National park in Alaska 62 “High” places

for pirates 63 Paris’s ___ de la Cite 64 “Be right with you!”

65 “The Chronic” Dr. 66 “Happy Days” setting Down 1 Do a hatchet job on 2 Gets flushed 3 Language “bubkes” comes from 4 Bit of Vaseline 5 Discontinued blackand-white cookie cereal 6 Contract provision 7 Main section of Venice 8 “Aren’t you ___ of sunshine today” 9 Night spots for tots 10 Unit of a huge explosion 11 Clearly visible 12 Enters a password again 15 Conductor’s group: abbr.

18 Armani competitor, initially 22 “The Philosophy of

Right” philosopher 27 Cheerleading unit 29 “Air Music” composer Ned 32 “But is it ___?”

33 Fish eggs 34 Network named for a nation 36 Environmental 37 Tawdry 38 Gets by with less 39 Left on the plate 40 Compound in disposable coffee cups 42 European country whose capital is Zagreb 43 “Sooooooooey!” e.g.

46 Was overly sweet 47 Airport shed 49 Michael, Mandy and Roger 51 Actress Best and writer Ferber 53 Belief systems 54 “Light” opening 56 The R in LARP 60 Draw upon

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On the Beat

alex teach

Officer Alex and the Electronaut Editor’s note: Due to Officer Alex’s computer going up in flames, we are running a “Best Of” from a few years ago. Salud!

I don’t work the geographic area of Chattanooga known as “Hixson.” My distance from it is very intentional, but for once I had a reason to go there and I was afraid I might miss it. It was after midnight and winter was giving us a sneak preview, cold air gusting past my cruiser as I rolled through the hills of Hixson’s southern gates of North Chattanooga, waved on by herbally slackened guards, stared at by the psilocybin-filled lookouts, and avoided completely by the ultraparanoid Lysergic Acid Diethylamites. I reduced speed to navigate the treacherous and speedcamera-laden curves that often belie Hixson’s air of gentility, and as I did so I blew past dozens of places with dozens of bad memories from a dozen years ago…but once I got there, I realized I’d have made the trip twice. Who am I kidding? Ten times. A thousand.

Don’t get me wrong about Hixson. It’s not that I am too good for it; in fact, it’s quite the opposite. I simply have no idea how to work there at all and my attempts to do so and relate to its indigenous peoples have consistently resulted in failure, but the events unfold-

ing there tonight were, like me, “East Lake” to their core and I simply had to see it. I was even surprised (such a rare and delicious event in itself!) that when I arrived, I not only saw my destination…I smelled it. Take it from me, Constant Reader: Little else catches your attention like a man on fire. It was freakin’ amazing.

(In an awful way, of course.)

He was writhing and smoldering at the base of a large electrical transformer, ironically separated from our help by the very thing (or things) that were supposed to have protected him from his current situation in the first place: Two large-ish cyclone fences and a shitload of common sense.

Our Man of the Hour had, at current guess, cut through a security fence that cordoned off a residential electrical substation from the rest of the world. The fence itself was capped with barbed wire and festooned with worded and pictographic signage indi-

cating the inherent uncoolness of molesting the objects contained therein. Unambiguous words like “DANGER” and “HIGH VOLTAGE” and “REALLY?” were plastered all about the station, reinforced by Paleolithic-era cave painting style stick figures experiencing shock and agony for the literary impaired. (It was Hixson, after all.)

In case this failed, the wise engineers even added a second cyclone fence to underscore the importance of not licking or otherwise rubbing on such dangerous machinery. Such was our Human Yule Log’s determination, however, he didn’t even bother cutting this one open. He just climbed over it and began digging up his intended prize: The copper wire that served as the electrical transformers’ grounding circuit. Then, so focused was he on his $3.14-apound booty, that after he pulled it from the ground, he climbed atop the multi-ton device which it had uncoincidentally electrically grounded, and so marked the last of many, many poor decisions this night.

It was there that he failed to complete a job application, but gloriously managed to complete a circuit, and in the process discovered the difference between state law and “Ohm’s Law”: You can fool one, but never the other.

“

Take it from me, Constant Reader: Little else catches your attention like a man on fire.

It was freakin’ amazing.

And like an angry woman or Africanized bees, a General Electric polyphase transformer suffers no fools. He became what I call an “electronaut”, riding a white-hot flash of glory into pages of history over which the great Darwin himself would have smiled.

Allow ol’ Alex to briefly explain: It takes around 100 milliamps to stop a human heart. This device

channeled somewhere between 13,000 and 33,000 volts, hence bypassing such pedestrian symptoms as muscular contractions and going straight for cardiac arrest and heat transference that was of such a magnitude his skin likely caught his clothing on fire (instead of the reverse, which is my normal experience in such). It was incredible to witness, even as firefighters finally cut through the fence to get to him. He survived a phenomenal six hours in this condition. What a fine death.

My time and column length are short, but know this: Do not mistake my mindset for cruelty.

I am incapable of such, a human robot with shit for a soul, as cops are viewed. I just appreciate what happened as being a pure statistical anomaly. And as it further happens, I deal with statistical anomalies by “getting really excited and chatty about it.” See? Don’t try to get me fired over this bit, too.

After it was all over, I eased back to my district, obsessing over Mr. Crisp’s last-minute journey at the speed of light, and in truth haven’t really stopped doing so since then. But I have to admit: Hixson just racked up some “Cool Points” in my book.

See? I’m capable of changing my mind, “shocking” as it may be.

What a night.

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