The Pulse 10.50 » December 12, 2013

December 12-18

Vol. 10 • No. 50

not your average

2013 holiday shopping guide

Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative

Tablets, Gadgets & Otamatones. gift picks for Oh My! Tech Christmas 2013 music the hearts in light arts river city sessions screen a boy & his tiger

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terramaechattanooga.com 2 • The Pulse • december 12-18, 2013 • chattanoogapulse.com

EDITORIAL

Managing Editor Mike McJunkin Contributing Editor Janis Hashe Contributors Rich Bailey • Rob Brezsny John DeVore • Steven W. Disbrow Janis Hashe • Brian King Sandra Kurtz • Michael Thomas Ernie Paik • Gary Poole • Alex Teach Editorial Intern Keith King Art Director Gary Poole Cartoonists & Illustrators Tom Tomorrow • Jen Sorensen Max Canon Staff Photographer Josh Lang Founded 2003 by Zachary Cooper & Michael Kull

ADVERTISING

Director of Sales Mike Baskin Account Executives Chee Chee Brown • Julie Brown Rick Leavell • Leif Sawyer • Stacey Tyler Jerry Ware • Candice York

CONTACT

Offices 1305 Carter St., Chattanooga, TN 37402 Phone 423.265.9494 Website chattanoogapulse.com Email info@chattanoogapulse.com Calendar calendar@chattanoogapulse.com THE FINE PRINT: The Pulse is published weekly by Brewer Media and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on music, the arts, entertainment, culture and local news. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publisher may take more than one copy per weekly issue. We’re watching. The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors. © 2013 Brewer Media. All rights reserved.

BREWER MEDIA GROUP Publisher & President Jim Brewer II

Contents

Cover Story

e

2013

N

12

AS EX M ulse T AL IS P e R AN CH Th H k in AC ee TE xt W

DECEMBER

9 TECHNICALLY, HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

By Steven W. Disbrow Since the original iPad came along in 2010, tablets have been the must-have gift for Christmas, and this year is no exception. Except this year, the iPad actually has some competition. In the world of “pure” Android Tablets, Google sets the standard with the new Google Nexus 7 and Nexus 10.

Feature Stories

Everything Else

12 MIND-WARPING MUSIC FOR THE MASSES

By Brian King Kyle Malone likes to talk about dolphins. It seems dolphins provided an epiphany of sorts for the young Lee University graduate with the ambitious goal of updating a New Age/’60s sensibility.

26 CELEBRATING A SOUTHERN CHRISTMAS

By Janis Hashe As Michael Gray tells it, it was a holiday “mistake” that helped to inspire The River City Sessions, the popular ongoing arts and music series at The Camp House.

30 A BOY AND HIS TIGER

4 5 7 14 16 17 28 33 35 36 37 38

THE BOWL THE LIST SHADES OF GREEN MUSIC CALENDAR BETWEEN THE SLEEVES HOLIDAY SHOPPING GUIDE ARTS CALENDAR SPIRITS WITHIN COMIX FREE WILL ASTROLOGY JONESIN' CROSSWORD ON THE BEAT

By John DeVore Principles are funny things. We want to be principled and disciplined.

The truth of who we are should be unwavering. But then, sometimes, our principles can put us at odds with others.

Shop where the big guy shops.

And don’t forget to buy for yourself, too.

Used Books, CDs, Movies, & More

7734 Lee Highway • McKayBooks.com Mon-Thu 9am-9pm • Fri-Sat 9am-10pm • Sun 11am-7pm chattanoogapulse.com • december 12-18, 2013 • The Pulse • 3

BOWL

THE

chattanooga’s weekly alternative NEWS • COMMENTARY • BULLETINS & PUSH NOTIFICATIONS AT DIAL-UP SPEED facebook/chattanoogapulsE • TWITTER @CHATTAPULSE EMAIL LOVE LETTERS, ADVICE & TRASH TALK TO INFO@CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

Urban League Workshop

Lookout Wild Film Fest

The Business of Social Media

Birds Gone Wild

In this day and age, starting a business has become a whole new digital ballgame—in some ways, making it easier, but in others, making it important to be up to speed.

The Urban League of Chattanooga is sponsoring a workshop to aid entrepreneurs launching in the Tech Century. On Saturday, Dec. 14, from 10 a.m. to noon, you can learn about launching a business on Facebook, building a personal and professional brand on social media, the dos and don’ts of doing business on social media, and growing your existing business through social media.

The workshop will be held at the UL’s headquarters, 730 E. MLK Blvd. To register, and for more information, call Keesha Marshall, (423) 756-1762, or visit ulchatt.org

Filmmakers and filmmakers wannabes: It’s not too late to submit to the 2014 Lookout Wild Film Festival. You’ve got until Dec. 20, so lights, camera, action!

The LWFF board of directors has announced that the 2014 Lookout Wild Film Festival will be March 21-23, 2014 in Chattanooga.

The inaugural festival last March featured two dozen short and feature-length films about adventure sports, conservation and exploration. Half of the films had some connection to Chattanooga or the Southeast. Guests were treated to a live bird demonstration from filmmaker John Stokes and his bald eagle Osceola, as well as a video chat Q&A with award-winning filmmakers Steve and Elizabeth Wampler.

In 2013, the LWFF panel screened 75 films from more than 15 countries in order to pick the selections for the audience. Already this season, festival organizers have received 20 submissions from Tennessee, Georgia, Minnesota, Washington, New York and California. Filmmakers from as far away as Egypt and Hungary have also inquired about submitting their films.

The festival’s mission is to showcase wild places and the people they inspire through film. To submit a film, filmmakers should visit www.lookoutfilmfestival.org and follow the 2014 submission link.

For more information, visit lookoutfilmfestival.org or email info@lookoutfilmfestival. org.

— Staff

Chattanooga Pecha Kucha

Twenty x Twenty Visions 20 x 20. Twenty images, each displayed for 20 seconds. Trying to summarize what you are most passionate about in less than ten minutes sounds frantic, and it’s that very energy that makes Pecha Kucha such a unique event.

4 • The Pulse • december 12-18, 2013 • chattanoogapulse.com

Since its humble creation in 2003 by a couple of architects in Japan looking for a new, and purposefully brief platform to share ideas, Pecha Kucha has grown virally, with public events hosted in more than 700 cities around the world. Japanese for “chit chat” Pecha Kucha is the perfect platform for creatives to converse about and display their work in an informal setting.

Since 2008, Chattanooga has played host to 14 PK events, each one displaying a handful of the best and brightest that the Scenic City has to offer. A librarian, a filmmaker, a designer, a cartoonist and many others have stepped up to the podium to share their passion with the people of Chattanooga, and this coming Friday another batch of creatives are lined up to share.

This month’s event will mark the 15th Volume of Chattanooga Pecha Kucha. A lineup of eight presenters have been selected, each one eager to take the 20 x 20 challenge, and with the hopes to inspire.

— Keith King Pecha Kucha, Dec. 13, 8 – 10 p.m., Society of Work, 701 Market St., Suite 1350. pechakucha.org/cities/chattanooga/ events/526e68fc4f5c29f968000004

LIST

THE

pulse » PICKS

• A curated weekly selection of picks from the Chattanooga Live and Arts & Entertainment calendars by Pulse staffers.

THU12.12

FRI12.13

RALPHIE SINGS!

A HOLIDAY CLASSIC

“A Christmas Story, The Musical”

Chattanooga Ballet presents “The Nutcracker”

• You've seen the movie, now come see the holiday classic live and with music. Just don't shoot your eye out, kid.

7 p.m. • Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534, theatrecentre.com

• One of the enduring (and endearing) holiday traditions come to life with the music and dance of Tchaikovsky's beautiful ballet masterpiece.

8 p.m. • Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad St. (423) 757-5156, chattanooga.gov

DUSTING THE STRINGS

SENSUOUS SINGING

The Infamous Stringdusters

Smooth Dialects

• The Stringdusters' live show takes improvised string band music to new places, combining musicianship and songwriting with experimental performance and contagious energy flowing between the band and crowd.

8 p.m. • Track 29, 1400 Market St. (423) 521-2929, track29.co

• Maria Sable, daughter of conductor Vakhtang Jordania, is a classically trained pianist whose smooth but powerful voice keeps your soul begging for more. Josh Sable, Smooth Dialects' very own guitar virtuoso, lays down such a soulful palette of tone you can't help dancing.

10 p.m. • Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644, rhythm-brews.com

Care For A Spot of Tea? SAT12.14 Chilly weather is already here—and nothing sets the mood like the annual Holiday English Tea and Open House at the Houston Museum for Decorative Arts.

This year, the Houston is partnering with Tea M’Lady to co-host the event, a fundraiser for the unique Houston Museum.

“Attending a tea at the Houston has always been a delicious experience,” said Marilyn Hoke, Houston Museum board member. “But with our new partnership with Tea M’ Lady, we will be treated to an added authenticity. ‘Proper’ English tea items will be featured.”

Delicacies will include trifle, scones, tiny sandwiches, tarts, cheese straws, petit fours and other specialties—and of course, tea, properly served.

Those taking tea this year can also enjoy the current Houston Museum exhibit, “The Allure of Tea.” Some of Annie Houston’s more memorable pieces have been unwrapped and displayed along with quotes of famous tea drinkers. The exhibit will run throughout the cooler months.

What better time than during the busy holidays to take a moment to enjoy and relax?

Annual Holiday English Tea and Open House Sunday, Dec, 15, 1 p.m. $25 adults, $5 children ages 4-12, $20 seniors 65 and older, includes museum tour.

The Houston Museum of Decorative Arts, 201 High St, (423) 267-7176, thehoustonmuseum.org

HOMETOWN HOLIDAYS “Mr. Jack Daniels Hometown Christmas” • Mr. Jack Daniel's Original Silver Cornet Band brings all your favorite Christmas songs to life in the year 1905 in a traditonal hometown setting.

7:30 p.m. • Cumberland County Playhouse, 221 Tennessee Ave., Crossvile. (931) 484-5000, ccplayhouse.com

MUSICAL COMEDY Tommy Womack • He has been called everything from “Tom Lehrer with a Telecaster” to “Nashville’s best loved musical eccentric,” and he might blushingly, but proudly, accept both titles.

8 p.m. • Charles & Myrtle’s Coffeehouse, 105 McBrien Rd. (423) 892-4960, christunity.org

chattanoogapulse.com • december 12-18, 2013 • The Pulse • 5

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Shades of Green

sandra kurtz

Green Reason for the Holiday Season

From solstice to Christmas, we celebrate peace and renewal

L

IT CANDLES, HUGE BONFIRES, singing, dancing, tree decorating, special food and libations, plus offerings and prayers to the gods! These were all part of ancient winter solstice celebrations.

December 21 has the least daylight in the northern hemisphere (the most in the southern hemisphere). And so well before modern civilization and knowledge about how our sun really works in relation to our planet, pagans feared that the light was disappearing— perhaps never to return.

Hence, the need to pray to the gods to bring back the sun’s light, heat, and life-giving properties. It was time to store up the harvest, too—just in case the prayers didn’t work. These solstice rituals connected our early ancestors to each other and to natural cycles.

Early customs and celebrations have merged into current religious beliefs. Putting a positive spin on it, the Romans termed the winter solstice the birth of the unconquered sun. They created Saturnalia, a seven-day festival where grudges and quarrels were forgotten while businesses, courts and schools were closed. Wars were interrupted or postponed and slaves were served by their masters.

Peace and good will? That’s laudable.

In Scandinavia, the Feast of Juul was observed in honor of the god Thor. Fires were lit to symbolize the warmth of the returning sun. Ancient Incas honored the sun god with a special festival during winter solstice.

In China, Dongzhi was originally celebrated as an end-of-harvest festival. In Chinese philosophy, Yin symbolizes the feminine and negative qualities of the universe while Yang the masculine and positive. On the day of the Winter Solstice, the Yin is at its peak with the longest night. From then on, it will give way to the light and warmth of Yang. It’s a right time for optimism and joy.

Today, in southern China, Dongzhi is observed with a family reunion over the long night, when pink-and-white glutinous rice balls are eaten in sweet broth to symbolize family unity and prosperity. In northern China, people are more likely to eat dumplings shaped like ears (to prevent frostbite). Families gather at their ancestral temples to worship. There is always a grand reunion dinner following the sacrificial ceremony.

Native American Iroquois took a different approach. For them, the winter solstice was a time of dreaming. With Mother Night reigning supreme, they went to bed early to walk between the worlds of light and darkness, gathering meaning from The Great Mystery.

In the morning they would share what visions they had.

Today, we don’t really believe daylight won’t return again, even though we have incorporated early customs into our own religious beliefs. They all derive from the scientific fact that seasons change due to the tilt of the Earth as it spins on its axis and rotates around the sun.

It seems to me that all the religious celebrations around this time of year are really about hope for future well-being. For pagans, it was originally hope that the increasingly dark days and frigid weather would go away. For Christians now, it’s about hope evident in a special newborn child with the promise of redemption.

For those of Jewish faith, hope is inherent in the story told about lighting a menorah that burned miraculously for eight days.

Buddhists ob-

serve Rohatsu to appreciate and seek enlightenment. For young children, it’s the hope that Santa will visit, leaving wonderful gifts behind.

And somewhere, under all the religious rituals of this and past seasons, there is hope to sustain the harmonious connections that bind us to Earth-based living.

In this season, burn a Yule log, sing a carol, light a tree, party, give and receive gifts, eat a rice ball, dream big, attend a worship service, and love one another. Good Winter Solstice to you and yours.

Sandra Kurtz has been a teacher, the executive director of a nature center, an educational specialist for an energy museum, an environmental community activist, and a board member of several environmental organizations. Visit her website at enviroedu.net

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8 • The Pulse • december 12-18, 2013 • chattanoogapulse.com

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chattanoogapulse.com • december 12-18, 2013 • The Pulse • 9

If your techie enjoys any of the following activities: • Jumping off things.

• Skiing down things.

• Falling out of things.

• Swimming with things.

• Investigating the digestive systems of things from the inside.

Then the GoPro camera is for them. The GoPro (priced from $199 to $399) is a relatively small but incredibly tough HD camera that can be strapped to head, chest, bike, kid…pretty much anything you want. And, it takes amazing videos. Just head over to YouTube and search for “GoPro” and you’ll see what I mean.

One interesting thing about the GoPro is that it is apparently very tasty to animals. There are dozens of different videos out there of bears, lions, eagles, and other animals, that stumble across forgotten, lost or planted GoPro cameras and decide that, “Yes. I would like to eat this shiny thing.”

Somehow, the GoPro always survives, and we end up with a look inside the mouth of something that we would normally have to die to see inside the mouth of. Let’s face it—that is cool.

So just imagine the video your techie will get when they accidentally leave their GoPro at NightFall.

access to the Play Store, at a much lower price. The catch?

Barnes & Noble is supposedly getting out of the tablet business, so support might be hard to come by in years to come. But if that’s not an issue, these are excellent Android tablets at great prices.

Of course, Amazon has its own highly regarded, Android-based tablets: the Kindle Fire HD and HDX. These have prices ranging from $229 to $594, depending on the features you want. The main drawback of the Kindle is that it locks you into the Amazon app store (and Amazon doesn’t publish a number of available apps, at least none I could find), rather than allowing access to the main Google Play store like the Nexus and the Nook.

Still, there are more than 1 million books on the Amazon store, and a hefty selection of apps, including most of the big names that you’ll find on the Google Play store. The Fire does have one other big advantage over most other Android tablets: it has an op-

tional LTE cellular antenna, so that you can stay online at all times.

Now, all these Android tablets don’t mean that the iPad isn’t still the gold standard in tablets. It is.

With its superior materials (aluminum bodies versus plastic, for instance), much larger app selection (more than 1 million apps on the Apple app store as of October, as opposed to about 875,000 in the Google Play store, and even less on the Nook and Amazon stores), and, honestly, better apps, the iPad is the

Tablets are nice, but if you need a real keyboard, you probably want a laptop. Of course, this year, all of the new laptops are running Windows 8.1. If your techie is like everyone else in the world who is not buying Windows 8.1, you might want a Chromebook instead.

A “Chromebook” is any laptop-style computer that runs Google’s “Chrome OS.” Basically, it’s a laptop that provides all the Internet-based Google Apps (Chrome, Gmail, Docs, etc.), and any other apps that you can run inside the Chrome web browser.

Since the apps are all Internet-based, the machine itself has very little RAM and a relatively small hard drive (usually a 16GB flash drive), because it’s assumed that the user will store all documents in the cloud using Google Drive.

In other words, if you want to get anything done with it, you need an Internet connection. (Some

10 • The Pulse • december 12-18, 2013 • chattanoogapulse.com

tablet to have if you can afford it. (And, yes, you can get an LTE version for an alwayson connection to the Internet.)

But there’s the rub. While you can get “Angry Birds” on any of these tablets, the iPad itself will set you back quite a bit more money. The new iPad Mini with Retina Display starts at $400 and the new iPad Air starts at $500. Of course, you can still get older, less expensive versions of each device (last year’s iPad Mini is just $299 and 2011’s iPad 2 is just $399), but who wants last year’s iPad? Likely not the techhead on your list.

Another reason to get an iPad? Starting with the release of the iPhone 5s earlier this year, Apple has been providing free downloads of their iLife and iWork productivity apps for all new iPhone and iPad purchases.

Taken together, those apps previously cost about $100, and they turn the iPad into an excellent contentcreation device, right out of the box.

Chromebook models also feature an LTE cellular option, which means you are connected to the Internet as long as you have cell service.)

But assuming your techie has an Internet connection, and also assuming that they love the Google suite of applications, the Chromebook can be a very good choice for a light-duty device that they can get real work done with.

Best of all, because they have minimal hardware, Chromebooks are relatively inexpensive. Chrome OS is actually free, so there are a lot of different manufacturers to choose from, and they provide a fairly wide variety of devices at a lot of good price points, ranging from $199 to $1,250.

If your techie likes their music a bit less wearable, and just straight up weird, then check out the Otamatone Deluxe. The Otamatone is a… well, it’s hard to explain.

It’s an instrument in the shape of a musical note, with a touch-sensitive “neck” that you play to produce notes, and a “mouth” that you squeeze to change the vibrato. Seriously, it’s weird.

Of course it is from Japan.

The Otamatone has been around for a while, but the Deluxe version is new this year. The Deluxe version adds a line out jack, so that you can attach headphones or plug it into an amp for the next performance at Track 29. (Again, head over to YouTube and search for “Otamatone” for some seriously strange examples of this thing in action.)

And finally, if you want to give your someone special the gift of music, why not a musical instrument? Too expensive, you say?

WHSP0132_Msb_ABM_Holiday_Print_ThePulse.indd 1

Well, in that case, consider a wearable instrument from ThinkGeek.

For just $29.99, you can get a T-shirt with either an electric guitar or a drum machine built into it.

Yes. A T-shirt.

The guitar shirt allows the wearer to play all major chords (by strumming the front of the shirt) and features a nice, fuzzy, classic rock sound.

The drum machine comes with nine different drum kits built into it, each with seven different sounds. You can even create loops and layer sounds on top from any of the nine kits.

(Loops can be up to three minutes long.)

Both shirts come with a mini-amplifier that clips onto a belt, has an analog output jack and actually goes all the way to 11.

And, of course, the electronic parts can be removed from the shirts for laundering.

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Publication: tHe PulSe 12/12 12/19

Once Christmas Present becomes Christmas Past, your techie will probably want to make a couple of New Year’s Resolutions. And, like last year, one of them will be “exercise more!”

But, honestly, how can you define, “more” when it comes to exercise? Well, if you have a Fitbit activity tracking device, you actually can measure the amount of exercise you partake in.

Fitbit is a family of devices (priced from $60 to $230) that track your motion throughout the day. Some clip onto clothes and some are worn on the wrist. At the end of the day, the wearer syncs the data from the Fitbit over to their computer and it

shows things like steps taken, calories burned, distance traveled and stairs climbed.

Some models of the Fitbit can even track sleep habits, showing things like how long you slept and how many times you woke up.

The companion software allows your techie to set fitness goals and track their progress towards those goals. The software runs on Windows and Macs, as well as on iPhones, iPads and Android devices. So, wherever your techie goes, they can see just how much exercise they’re getting.

Take our advice—pick one of these for the techie in your life, and be the hit of the holiday season.

chattanoogapulse.com • december 12-18, 2013 • The Pulse • 11

Job Name: AbM HolidAy Print Date Produced: 12/04/2013

Live Area: 10.469” x 5.123”

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12/4/13 3:56 PM

Music

brian king

Mind-Warping Music for the Masses tHE HEARtS IN LIGHt mashes up genres

K

YLE MALONE LIKES TO TALK ABOUT DOLPHINS. IT SEEMS DOLPHINS provided an epiphany of sorts for the young Lee University graduate with the ambitious goal of updating a New Age/’60s sensibility for the 21st century. But pinpointing just what the epiphany contained proves elusive. Something about spirituality, I would imagine.

honest music

This just goes to show that dance-pop band tHE HEARtS IN LIGHt leader Kyle Malone is something of an enigma. The singer/songwriter/producer claims to be deeply influenced by Brian Wilson, but you’d be hard pressed to hear it in his music—unless you are counting The Beach Boys’ synthesizer-dominated album “Beach Boys Love You.” Of course, shaking the Wilson talisman around like a burnt-out sage smudge stick is standard fare these days for groups mining the pop side of rock and roll, but my guess is that Malone is more influenced by the attitude and sentimentality Wilson’s music exuded rather than the musical experimentation of “Pet Sounds” or “Smile.”

In fact, Ernie Paik’s review of last year’s HEARtS album was closer to the mark when he compared the band’s sound to a video game soundtrack.

Or, maybe De La Soul would be an even closer comparison, since tHE HEARtS IN LIGHt exhibit the same sort of musical Waring blender sensibility by grabbing styles and sounds from a variety of genres and tossing them together into a musical bouillabaisse. which results in something probably greater than the sum of its parts.

Which is a good thing!

The electro-pop songs the band generates aren’t necessarily groundbreaking, but they are never less than interesting, if only from a sonic aspect. What’s more interesting is the scope of ambition Kyle, wife Stacy (the true “heart” of this band) and the rhythm section of Seth Ferguson and Brett Ives, and by extension, the listener, exhibit.

This band makes big, huge, gruesome STATEMENTS! While the music can resemble an ocarina of time, the sentiments are not always so pretty.Just clock the photo of Kyle in his “warrior sun-god guise,” like he’s the first Aztec rock star to grace the stages of Chattanooga. And in point of fact, he is!

So, like a Southern version of the Polyphonic Spree, tHE HEARtS IN LIGHt willfully employ lyrical platitudes which, taken minus the music, would frighten away many listeners, yet instead seem ingratiating.

local and regional shows

Fattlegs with The 9th Street Stompers [$3] The Van Lears with Scott Warren [FREE]

Wed, Dec 11 Thu, Dec 12

9pm 9pm

Live Trivia every Sunday from 4-6pm, followed by Free Live Music Sunday, December 15: Ryan Oyer hosts The Pint’s first ever Open Mic night

Full food menu serving lunch and dinner.

11am-2am, 7 days a week.

35 Patten Parkway * 423.468.4192 thehonestpint.com * facebook.com/TheHonestPint

12 • The Pulse • december 12-18, 2013 • chattanoogapulse.com

“

Besides, in these trying times, dear reader, what’s wrong with being positive? Oddly enough, such ambition on the band’s part seems to set them apart from most of their musical counterparts in town, and the average clubgoers probably scratch their collective heads in wonder at a band that resembles some modern take on Ken Kesey’s Merry Pranksters and plays electro-pop dance music featuring extremely prominent dolphin samples spurring on the beat.

Malone himself acknowledges that last year’s “Ascend” was probably too ambitious and experimental in scope for the local scene, but nevertheless, all but a handful of the group’s initial pressings were sold.

Psychedelia is a curious beast. While it can be somewhat off-putting to some, musicians typically enjoy the style because it allows for so much creativity. The danger can be that too much of a good thing is sometimes just that: too much. However,

tHE HEARtS IN LIGHt seem to have a pretty good grasp of an elusive aspect of this style.

Theirs is not the revolutionary, political psychedelia of the Jefferson Airplane but rather more akin to the studio efforts of Curt Boettcher’s Sagittarius recordings: mind-warping music for the masses, who want to shake their moneymakers! ’Cause at the heart of it, this band is about having fun, being a conscientious citizen of planet Earth, and dancing—heavy-handed lyrics notwithstanding. And again I would suggest, what’s wrong with that?

THE HEARtS IN LIGHt’s new album “Mystical Marriage” is set for release later this month or early January, and they will embark on a venture to Los Angeles shortly thereafter, so send them some good vibrations! They’ll appreciate the gesture, I’m sure.

Average club-goers probably scratch their collective heads in wonder at a band that resembles some modern take on Ken Kesey’s Merry Pranksters and plays electro-pop dance music featuring extremely prominent dolphin samples.”

German-American BrewPub

224 Frazier Ave • brewhausbar.com

Featured: Rooster Schnitzel with Bier Cabbage and Spaetzel

UPCOMING EVENTS December 14 @ 7pm Tacky Sweater Party & Beard Competition December 19 @ 7pm Beer Tasting with Jackalope December 23 @ 7pm Oskar Blues Tap Takeover

chattanoogapulse.com • december 12-18, 2013 • The Pulse • 13

Chattanooga Live

CHATTANOOGA

MUSIC CALENDAR Smooth Dialects

The Van Lears

LIVE MUSIC DECEMBER

13 RED WHITE & CREW SAT 10p 14 THU LETICIA WOLF 9p 19 A GREAT BIG WORLD FRI 5:30p 20 FRI GYPSY RIOT 9:30p 20 RUBIK'S GROOVE SAT 10p 21 SCOTT YOUNGBERG THU 8p 26 SMOOTH DIALECTS

FRI with DEROBERT & THE HALF TRUTHS 10p

APPETITE FOR DESTRUCTION & POISON'D

ONE OF OUR FAVORITE SINGERS

HITS 96 PRESENTS A FREE SHOWCASE

FEMALE FRONTED ROCK AND ROLL THREE HOURS OF 80'S DANCE

OUR SANDBAR BUDDY RETURNS HOME

12.27 THE WRONG WAY: A TRIBUTE TO SUBLIME 12.28 VELCRO PYGMIES 12.31 THAT 90'S SHOW

COMING IN JAN

MITCH ROSSELL BAND SAT 10p 3 NEXT BIG THING IN COUNTRY MUSIC

THE MACHINE

A PINK FLOYD EXPERIENCE!

SAT 9:30p

11

ALL SHOWS 21+ UNLESS OTHERWISE NOTED • NON-SMOKING VENUE

221 MARKET STREET

HOT MUSIC • FINE BEER • GREAT FOOD BUY TICKETS ONLINE • RHYTHM-BREWS.COM

THUrsday 12.12 Pickin’ at the Post 5 p.m. American Legion Post, Highway 11 N, Trenton, GA (423) 582-1337.

Bluegrass and Country Jam 6:30 p.m. Grace Nazarene Church, 6310 Dayton Blvd.

(423) 842-5919, chattanoogagrace.com Jimmy Harris 7 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055, thepalmsathamilton.com The Infamous Stringdusters, Paper Bird 7 p.m. Track 29, 1400 Market St. (423) 521-2929, track29.co Open Mic - 2013 Finale 7 p.m. The Camp House, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081, thecamphouse.com Jonathan Wimpee 7 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956, sugarsribs.com Courtney Daly and Ivan Wilson 7 p.m. Bart's Lakeshore, 5840 Lake Resort Terrace, (423) 870-0777, bartslakeshore.com Soddy-Daisy Jamboree 7 p.m. Soddy-Daisy Community Center, 9835 Dayton Pk. (423) 332-5323.

Tim Neal and Mike Harris 7:30 p.m. Mexi-Wing VII, 5773 Brainerd Rd, (423) 509-8696,

14 • The Pulse • december 12-18, 2013 • chattanoogapulse.com

mexiwingviichattanooga.com Richie Ragsdale 7:30 p.m. Brew & Cue, 5017 Rossville Blvd.

(423) 867-9402.

Open Mike with Hap Henniger 9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn) (423) 634-9191, facebook.com/theofficechatt Stoop Kids, Kids Across the Street 9 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400, jjsbohemia.com The Van Lears, Scott Warren 9 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy. (423) 468-4192, thehonestpint.com DJ Puddin 10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878, budssportsbar.com

friday 12.13 Charley Yates 4:30 p.m. Wimpie’s Country Restaurant, 9826 Dayton Pk. (423) 332-6201.

Eddie Pontiac 5:30 p.m. El Mason, 2204 Hamilton Place Blvd.

(423) 894-8726, elmesonrestaurant.com Tim Lewis 5:30 p.m. El Mason Hixson, 248 Northgate Mall.

(423) 710-1201.

Binji Varsossa 6 p.m. Cancun Mexican Restaurant & Lounge, 1809 Broad St.

(423) 266-1461, cancunmexicanrest.com River City Sessions 7 p.m. The Camp House, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081, thecamphouse.com Jimmy Harris 7 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055, thepalmsathamilton.com The Silver Creek Band 7 p.m. American Legion, 3329 Ringgold Rd. (423) 624-9105.

Danny Sample and Dave Walters 7 p.m. 212 Market, 212 Market St. (423) 265-1212,.

212market.com The Half & Half Band 7 p.m. Troy’s Place, 320 Emerson Dr., Ringgold, GA. (423) 965-8346.

Kacey Musgraves: “Same Trailer, Different Tour” 8 p.m. Track 29, 1400 Market St. (423) 521-2929, track29.co Boling/Brown/Holloway Trio with Greg Tardy 8 p.m. Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347, barkinglegs.org Stereo Dig, Scenic, Gunterdog 9 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400, jjsbohemia.com DJ Dance Party 7 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055,

thepalmsathamilton.com Yattie Westfield presents Good Foot: Funk featuring Larry Fontaine 8 p.m. SkyZoo, 5709 Lee Hwy. (423) 468-4533, skyzoochattanooga.com Scenic City Soul Revue 8 p.m. The Foundry, 1201 Broad St. (423) 756-3400, chattanooganhotel.com She-She Dance 9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn) (423) 634-9191, facebook.com/theofficechatt The Pool 9:30 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956, sugarsribs.com Smooth Dialects. DeRobert & The Half Truths 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644, rhythm-brews.com Common Ground 10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878, budssportsbar.com Husky Burnette 10 p.m. T-Bones, 1419 Chestnut St. (423) 266-4240, tboneschattanooga.com

saturday 12.14 Eddie Pontiac 5:30 p.m. El Mason, 2204 Hamilton Place Blvd.

(423) 894-8726, elmesonrestaurant.com Tim Lewis 5:30 p.m. El Mason Hixson, 248 Northgate Mall.

(423) 710-1201.

Chattanooga Live

901 Carter St (Inside Days Inn) 423-634-9191

MUSIC CALENDAR

Behold The Brave

Jason & The Punknecks

Thursday, December 12: 9pm Open Mic with Hap Henninger Friday, December 13: 9pm She-She Dance Saturday, December 14: 10pm Hap Henninger Tuesday, December 17: 7pm Binji Varsossa 6 p.m. Cancun Mexican Restaurant & Lounge, 1809 Broad St. (423) 266-1461, cancunmexicanrest.com The Hopeful Country Band 7 p.m. Troy’s Place, 320 Emerson Dr., Ringgold, GA. (423) 965-8346.

The Belt 8 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 2661400, jsbohemia.com Scenic City Soul Revue 8 p.m. The Foundry, 1201 Broad St. (423) 756-3400, chattanooganhotel.com.

Tommy Womack 8 p.m. Charles & Myrtle’s Coffeehouse, 105 McBrien Rd. (423) 892-4960, christunity.org The Countrymen Band 8 p.m. Eagles Club, 6128 Airways Blvd.

(423) 894-9940.

Grown Azz 8 p.m. VFW Hall, 3370 N. Ocoee St. Cleveland TN, (423) 476-8442.

Taylor & Company 8 p.m. VFW Hall, 1491 Riverside Dr. (423) 624-6687.

Full Axess 8:30 p.m. American Legion, 227 James Asbury Dr NW, Cleveland TN, (423) 476-4451.

Downstream 9 p.m. SkyZoo, 5709 Lee Hwy. (423) 468-4533, skyzoochattanooga.com Behold the Brave, Microdahts, Socro

9 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-1400, jjsbohemia.com Richie Ragsdale 9:30 p.m. Brew & Cue, 5017 Rossville Blvd.

(423) 867-9402.

SRO Band 9:30 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956, sugarsribs.com Red White & Crew, Appetite For Destruction, Poison’d 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644, rhythm-brews.com Hap Henniger 10 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn) (423) 634-9191, facebook.com/theofficechatt Austin Nickels Band 10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878, budssportsbar.com

sunday 12.15 Jazz Brunch: Dave Walters Trio 11 a.m. 212 Market, 212 Market St. (423) 265-1212, 212market.com CSAS Show Choir 3 p.m. Holiday Market, Chattanooga Convention Center, 1150 Carter St. (423) 756-0001, chattanoogamarket.com Open Jam Session

5 p.m. Cheap Seats Sports Bar, 2925 Rossville Blvd.

(423) 629-5636.

Ryan Oyer hosts First Open Mic Night 7 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy.

(423) 468-4192, thehonestpint.com Blind Draw 9 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878, budssportsbar.com Danimal Planet 10 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St, (423) 756-1919.

monday 12.16 Big Band Night 7 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055, thepalmsathamilton.com

tuesday 12.17 African Advent(ure) featuring Son of Laughter 7 p.m. The Camp House, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081, thecamphouse.com Rick Rushing Blues Jam 7 p.m. Folk School of Chattanooga, 1200 Mountain Creek Rd, (423) 827-8906, chattanoogafolk.com Tim Starnes & Friends 7 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956, sugarsribs.com Jim Palmer

7:30 p.m. 1885 Grill, 3914 St Elmo Ave, (423) 485.3050, 1885grill.com Full Moon Crazies, Endelouz, Borrowed Acts 8 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400, jjsbohemia.com Open Mic with Mike McDade 7 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike (423) 266-1996, tremonttavern.com

Server/Hotel Appreciation Night $5 Pitchers $2 Wells $1.50 Domestics ●

●

All shows are free with dinner or 2 drinks!

Stop by & check out our daily specials!

Happy Hour: Mon-Fri: 4-7pm $1 10oz drafts, $3 32oz drafts, $2 Wells, $1.50 Domestics, Free Appetizers

Facebook.com/theoffice.chatt

wednesday 12.18 Jimmy Harris 7 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055, thepalmsathamilton.com Jason & The Punknecks, Battlefield Collective, Pack Of Wolves 9 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy.

(423) 468-4192, thehonestpint.com Humpty Humpz Dance Party 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-1400, jjsbohemia.com Ario Gilliam 10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878, budssportsbar.com

Map these locations on chattanoogapulse.com. Send event listings at least 10 days in advance to: calendar@ chattanoogapulse.com.

Mocha Restaurant & Music Lounge

511 Broad Street, Chattanooga (423) 531-4154 • www.mochajazz.net Open for lunch 11am-3pm Thursday-Friday

chattanoogapulse.com • december 12-18, 2013 • The Pulse • 15

Between the Sleeves

record reviews • ernie paik

Actually Pretty Fun Chase’s sound-fabric, Souleyman’s dementia

INFAMOUS STRINGDUSTERS THURSDAY DECEMBER 12 DOORS @ 7PM • SHOW @ 8PM $15 ADVANCE • $17 DAY OF

KACEY MUSGRAVES

FRIDAY DECEMBER 13 DOORS @ 8PM • SHOW @ 9PM $15 ADVANCE • $18 DAY OF JUST ANNOUNCED AND ONSALE FRIDAY AT 10AM!

POP EVIL

SUNDAY JANUARY 12 $10 ADVANCE • $15 DAY OF

INDIGO GIRLS

MONDAY MARCH 17 $30 ADVANCE • $35 DAY OF MORE SHOWS @ TRACK29.CO

3 WAYS TO PURCHASE TICKETS

TRACK29.CO • (423) 521-2929 BOX OFFICE OPEN 10AM - 6PM EVERY FRIDAY

Claire Chase Density (New Focus)

F

lutist Claire Chase, founder of the International Contemporary Ensemble (ICE) and a MacArthur Fellowship recipient, is on a mission to invigorate the repertoire of the flute, which had its peak popularity centuries ago in the Baroque era.

However, Chase isn’t attempting to accomplish this by reaching the lowest common denominator among audiences; instead, she tackles challenging modern classical and experimental flute pieces, striving to present the flute as an instrument that can convey great depth and complexity, and not just be the aural equivalent of frolicking butterflies.

Chase’s latest solo release, Density, takes its title from the 1936 Edgard Varèse modal and atonal solo flute piece “Density 21.5,” performed here expertly with finesse. The album spotlights pieces from established composers such as the minimalist masters Philip Glass and Steve Reich alongside freshly penned works from thirty-

16 • The Pulse • december 12-18, 2013 • chattanoogapulse.com

Omar Souleyman Wenu Wenu (Ribbon Music) somethings Marcos Balter and Mario Diaz de Leon, and Chase meticulously multi-tracks her playing for a true solo album, with occasional electronic elements.

Chase’s version of Reich’s 1982 piece “Vermont Counterpoint” weaves a stimulating sound-fabric with eleven separate melodic lines and is performed flawlessly with surgical precision and a largely even tone, allowing the quality of the note attacks to bring a human element and avoid sounding robotic.

Balter’s “Pessoa” for six bass flutes is contemplative and foggy and proves to be the most soulfully expressive performance on Density, with repeated spectrelike motifs drifting in and out.

Esteemed experimental composer Alvin Lucier’s 24-minute “Almost New York” utilizes pure wave oscillators that very slowly change pitch, in addition to flutes of all ranges (from contrabass flute to piccolo), and the key effect that is highlighted is the creation of pulsating rhythms by simply playing solid

tones on the flute close to the oscillator pitches; the result is the hypnotic, studied sound of science.

A listener should not expect a clinical extended technique showcase from Density nor a warm, easy listening experience, but it’s a superbly executed contemporary classical album that polishes a few more facets for a versatile instrument that’s in plain sight yet often overlooked.

S

yrian musician Omar Souleyman has hundreds of albums to his name— many of which were recorded at wedding celebrations—but his latest album, Wenu Wenu, is considered his first proper studio album, produced by Kieran Hebden, known as the man behind Four Tet. Recorded live in a studio in Brooklyn, it features Souleyman and cohort Rizan Sa’id with the typical trademark Souleyman whirlwind Syrian techno style but with a higher fidelity than usual. This is Syrian music as forced through a distinct fil-

ter—those expecting traditional Middle Eastern songs on acoustic instruments should look elsewhere; there is a boldly artificial sheen with solo synth melodic lines that squirm and wander restlessly and a persistent drum machine maintaining the strict pulse.

Wenu Wenu is energizing, maddening, somewhat hilarious and bewildering, all simultaneously; some parts might remind you of an annoying insect buzzing in your ear, while other parts lift you up with its dizzying momentum.

Two distinct, valid thoughts may go through your mind: “Really? Are you kidding me?” and “Hmm, this is actually pretty fun.”

Part of the album’s appeal and unintentional humor comes from Souleyman’s unabashed use of certain synth sounds, like the cheesy “orchestra hit” sound or canned brass blasts. Imagine a child receiving his first inexpensive electronic keyboard, like a Casio, and exhausting all sonic possibilities, pushing the instrument to its limits, until he finds the most stimulatingly furious output that the device is capable of generating. That seems to be the prevailing attitude on Wenu Wenu.

Souleyman’s spirited vocals play tag team with the synth soloing, which flutters and wriggles aggressively, constantly searching and burrowing and never settling into a safe pattern.

However, despite the unique charm of Souleyman’s method, just a little is probably all that is needed, since a little goes a long way.

For this writer, small doses are best and most effective; listening to the whole album in one sitting is wearying and can possibly cause hallucinations or dementia.

The Pulse X

Holiday Shopping Guide X

2013

chattanoogapulse.com • december 12-18, 2013 • The Pulse • 17

“Edna Valley is a place where the grapes don’t have to rush. Gentle sunshine, rich soil, and cool ocean fog create the Central Coast’s extended growing season – a combination that gives the grapes longer time on the vine.

That means more time to develop rich, complex flavors.”

THE PERFECT HOLIDAY GIFT: STURM HAUS GIFT CARDS (and look what just came in)

THE STURM HAUS STAINLESS STEEL BRAULER & KOOZIE

50% OFF DIAMONDS through December 30th 1120 HOUSTON STREET, SUITE 120 423-648-1120 18 • The Pulse • december 12-18, 2013 • chattanoogapulse.com

WRIGHT JEWELERS 6311 E. Brainerd Rd Chattanooga www.wrightjeweler.com

423.499.0569

2013

Although making this a surprise gift might entail some creepy attempts at aquiring a swab of your loved ones' inner cheek, these DNA Portraits are a completely unique, personal and beautiful piece of art created entirely from the DNA sample you provide.

You choose the color, size, style and frame to complete this one–of–a kind gift. The company also produces kiss and fingerprint art. $199 and up dna11.com

Holiday

Shopping Guide

Holiday gift ideas from around the city and around the world

Louis C.K. may very well be the funniest man alive. He is also the comic voted most likely to offend half of the people in the room so warn grandma and get the kids out of the room before you hit play on his recent HBO special "Oh My God." The best part is that you can get all the funny for just a little money. $5 (yes, $5) buy.louisck.net

Dan Akroyd's Crystal Head Vodka has teamed up with the Rolling Stones to commemorate the band’s 50th anniversary by offering a gift set featuring a bottle of their triple-filtered, quadruple-distilled spirit plus tons of other Rolling Stonesrelated goodies. This makes as much sense as any rocker-booze collabo, given that Keith Richards has been swigging vodka mixed with orange soda for over two decades. $89 crystalheadvodka.com

For the creative photographer bored with the perfect predictability of today's digital cameras, the Sprocket Rocket is a Lomography (or Lomo) camera that adds the creativity of 35mm photography back in. The camera shoots panoramas and can expose film all the way up past the sprocket holes. Among its many features, the camera has a rewind dial on top so you can wind the film forwards and backwards for multiple exposures and other interesting effects. $62.30 lomography.com

Now that you have the Rolling Stones vodka set, you may as well go ahead and spring for these black walnut martini glasses from designer David Rasmussen. Wood is a better insulator than glass, so this stemware will keep things chill a bit longer while you contemplate installing a tiki bar in your rumpus room. $150 fancy.com

chattanoogapulse.com • december 12-18, 2013 • The Pulse • 19

gifts for

him Whether the manly man on your gift list recently began growing a plush thatch of fur around his face or if his beard is as old as his favorite Scotch there's no better gift than Burroughs Beard Oil to help him keep his face fur soft, healthy and shapely as it grows—every millimeter of the way. $29.95 royalshave.com

The classic English Hunting Flask hasn't changed much in the last century because it is nearly perfect just as it is. Leather, metal and a generous sip of a fine spirit will bring out the best Ron Swanson in any man. $90 hackett.com

90

V SA

Keep the winter chill off your loved one of choice and help them look as stylish as an Arctic Monkey (Alex Turner loves these jackets).

The Bedale Jacket by Barbour has classic style with modern flair from one of the legends in outerwear.

Bruce Baird & Co 423-265-8821

This little book is so awesome, it caused Adam Savage (yes, the Adam Savage from “Mythbusters”) to joyfully exclaim, "It's got everything in it.... It should be in everyone's toolbox." The Glover Pocket Ref is the Holy Grail of information, loaded with facts, figures, tables, and illustrations of almost any subject you can imagine . $9.95 Amazon.com

BRAND NEW 32” RCA LED TV 1 E$

If sippin' a White Russian, heavy on half & half, after a night of 'rolling' with your local alley league is your idea of a good time, well then pull up a rug, grab this Big Lebowski Kit and take comfort in knowing that The Dude still abides. $16.99 modcloth.com

Why should Bill Cosby get all the sweater action? Rock out with your nog out in this Metallica sweater that should not be. $74.99 metallica.com

ONLY $159!!

00

1 E$

V SA

B & B DISCOUNT SALES 20 • The Pulse • december 12-18, 2013 • chattanoogapulse.com

NEW 32” SEIKI LED TV

ONLY $149!!

680 SIGNAL MOUNTAIN RD • (423) 875-6065 Mon-Sat 9am-6pm • www.bbdiscounts.net

gifts for

Tall and tan or not, the lady will like a gold/diamond/random-cut natural stones piece from the Italian Nanis Ipanema Collection.

The collection's designer, Laura Bicego, will be at Fischer Evans on Dec. 12 for a trunk show. $1,824 and up Fischer Evans Jewelers

The nose knows…but Le Nez du Vin (Wine Aroma Tasting Kit) gives it some help with this kit of six of the most common red and white wine aromas, handmade in France and packaged in a cloth-bound case. A votre sante! $40 uncommongoods.com

her

It’s fun, it’s good for you—and did we mention seriously sexy? Belly dancing lessons are something many women have secretly wanted. Give her the gift of shimmy at Zanzibar or Mirabai.

Prices vary zanzibar.com • mirabaibellydance.com

Danger, Will Robinson! Nothing lost in space about a good cup of tea…except this extra-groovy Robot Tea Infuser, whose arms hug any mug she can come up with. Pair this with one of the many teas from New Moon Gallery for a gift she will enjoy every day! $9.99 thinkgeek.com • New Moon Gallery

Whether she is a sushi fan or not, this Sakura-Patterned Picnic Style Lacquered 3 Tier Bento Box is just plain pretty. It comes with chopsticks, too! (Check out other cool Japanese items at jbox.com) $30 polyvore.com

This unique and personalized goft concept comes from Knoxville and is now available here in Chattanmooga.

Send in a fingerprint, and Precious Metal Prints will create a gold or silver pendant using it. How cool is that? Send the kit in for Christmas and get the necklace back in the new year.

Starting at $74.99 Plum Nelly

SPECIAL HOLIDAY SALE All Pianos & Organs on Sale Used Steinway Grands $14,995 & up New Baby Grands $6997 & up Used Studio Verticals $288 & up New Consoles $2870 & up Used Baby Grands $2697 & up

DOOR BUSTER! Alfred Kids Complete Learning System with Piano Keyboard $189 Limited Quantities, Financing Available WAC, Look for the BIG Keyboard

C H A T T A N O O G AC H A T T A N O O G A

C H A T T A N O O GCAH A T T A N O O G A

Dress Up Your Holiday Cocktails complete holiday gift-giving with our unique collection of locally made jewelry, Pottery, art, glassware and much more...

now open late till 8 on thursday Glassware: Prentice Hicks, Chattanooga, TN

GIFTS • HOME • BRIDAL • JEWELRY

www.summittpianos.com Lee Hwy • 499-0600 • Saturday 6209 Lee Hwy • (423) 499-0600 www.summittpianos.com • (423) 6209499-0600 Lee Hwy C l o•s e d499-0600 • Closed Saturday 6209 Lee6209 Hwy www.summittpianos.com 330 Frazier Ave | OMon-Fri: 10-6 Sat: 10-5 | 423.266.0585 | plumnellyshop.com Closed www.summittpianos.com USED NEWSaturday NEW USED G C H A T T A N O O GC CAH HA AT TT TA AN NO OO GA A

C H AHwy T T•A•N 499-0600 O OCG www.summittpianos.com • 6209 Lee www.summittpianos.com Lee ittpianos.com • 6209 Lee Hwy • 499-0600 l oA s e d •S a t u r d a yC l o s e d S a t u r d a y www.summittpianos.com 6209 • 499-0600 Lee Hwy Hwy• •• 499-0600 499-0600 Closed • S•a t u r d a yC Clloosseedd SSaattuurrddaayy Yamaha Uprights Babywww.summittpianos.com Grand• 6209 Lee Hwy•• 6209 NEW NEW USED ww.summittpianos.com NEW • 6209 Lee Hwy • 499-0600 USED •NEW C l o s e d S a t u r d a y Uprights USED maha Disklavier Are On Sale!

Grand Pianos chattanoogapulse.com • december 12-18, 2013 • The Pulse • 21 USED NEW NEW USED NEW NEW NEW USED USED USED NEW Baby Grand AreNEW On Sale! NEW USED Grand Pianos USEDBaby Yamaha Our entire Uprights World’s Great Yamaha Grand Our entire World’s Great Best YamahaUprights NEW Uprights Baby Grand Yamaha Baby Grand Grand Baby Grand Yamaha Uprights Uprights Baby D NEW USED selection of Disklavier GH1 selection! selection of new Best selection!

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When the time comes to enjoy a tasty bottled beverage, one cannot be encumbered by clumsy, outdated bottle openers that require two hands. What are we, barbarians? GIve the gift of sophistication and efficiency with a Kebo one-handed bottle opener. $24.95 rush3studio.com

This holiday season, throw another yule log on the fire, bake up a fresh batch of sugar cookies and spend some quality time with grandma building a 1,000–piece puzzle featuring those nice Aussie boys ACDC. $20 rockabilia.com

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When the kids leave the house we grab their coloring books, the big 64–crayon box and create the brightly colored masterpieces we always knew was inside us. Outside the Lines, is a striking collection of illustrations from more than 100 creative masterminds, ready for you to add your own special touch. $12.25 barnesandnoble.com

Ready for some Flavor Trippin', man? Dissolve half a Miracle Berry tablet on your tongue and lemons will taste like sweet lemonade, Guinness will taste like a chocolate milkshake, and vinegar will taste like a fine sherry. The tablets are simply Synsepalum dulcificum, also known as the miracle fruit, and cornstarch, and the effect only lasts about an hour. $13.90 amazon.com

We all knew it was only a matter of time before Internet and social media star Grumpy Cat was immortilized in all his plush, stuffed, grumpy glory. Misery loves company so pick up a sackful of these furry feline friends and give the gift of grump. $19.99 hobbyxlifestyle.com

For the smartphone photographer or mobile screen movie enthusiast in your life, The Glif Tripod Mount & Stand for Smartphones allows the user to mount their phone onto any standard tripod, or use alone to prop their phone at various angles instead of trying every YouTube DIY trick, utilizing cardboard, ducttape and an old sock. $30 studioneat.com

22 • The Pulse • december 12-18, 2013 • chattanoogapulse.com

HUge blowoUt sale on all mercHandise!

Make MMTC Spa & Salon gift cards the perfect present for everyone on your list!

deep discoUnts on all clotHing! cHattanooga’s largest selection of cold weatHer gear

Buy four $30 gift cards at MMTC Spa & Salon and get one FREE. That’s $150 worth of services or product for only $120! We’re always a great value, and industry professionals ensure the quality of our students’ experience and yours. Don’t wait – start wrapping up your holiday shopping today!

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423.892.6767•dodgecityski.com chattanoogapulse.com • december 12-18, 2013 • The Pulse • 23

JEWELERS

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If you remember SWAT Kats, then you had too much time on your hands in the '90s. Enlist your cat into the Megakat City vigilante force with this Airplane Cat House to fight evil and protect the sofa against all invaders. $35 uncommongoods.com

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801 Market Street - (423) 267-0901 10am to 5:30pm Monday - Friday Open every Saturday through Christmas Complimentary parking is available at the corner of MLK and Broad St.

Forget those tacky Christmas sweaters that make your dog the butt of all his doggie friend's jokes, Chilly Dog hand–knit dog sweaters are crafted by Inca artisans in South America from 100% wool and plant dyes. Keep your dog warm, fashionable and the envy of all their dog friends this winter. $34 and up Nooga Paws @ 2 Northshore

They say you can't teach an old dog new tricks, but thanks to a fish's two–day memory you can teach a fish new tricks over, and over, again with this Fish Training Kit from R2 Solutions. The hardest part is comvincing everyone you're not losing your mind. $29.99 wag.com We all know a dog that looks like he would be comfortable with a fat cigar and a glass of brown liquor.

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Stop by Nooga Paws to choose the perfect gifts for the pets and pet lovers on your shopping list! Grab the family and pooch and head to Nooga Paws on Saturday, December 14th from Noon to 5pm, to have the entire family photographed in our Winter Wonderland photo booth. Follow us on Facebook for complete details!

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chattanoogapulse.com • december 12-18, 2013 • The Pulse • 25

Arts

janis hashe

Celebrating a Southern Christmas River City Sessions showcases music and spoken word

A

S MICHAEL GRAY TELLS IT, IT WAS A HOLIDAY “mistake” that helped to inspire The River City Sessions, the popular arts series at The Camp House.

26 • The Pulse • december 12-18, 2013 • chattanoogapulse.com

“For many years, I have written a Christmas story and sent to friends as my form of a Christmas card,” Gray says. “One year, the year I wrote “The Italian Gentleman,” I was invited to read it at the Chattanooga Writer’s Guild Christmas Party. Upon reaching the podium, I suddenly realized half of my manuscript was missing. Luckily, I had practiced enough and remembered enough to finish by telling the story.

After the program, several people I knew—

and a few I didn’t—approached me and commented that I should tell my stories as a matter of practice.”

So Gray tried to find a place to do just that and came up empty-handed. He contacted the people at The Camp House, “who were extremely accommodating and helpful in putting together a biannual program called Wordfest.” After a couple of years, WUTC offered to air the program and Gray and other organizers felt a name change was in order, since music had become just as big a part of the program as spoken word. The series was rechristened The River City Sessions, its motto became “Southern Culture; Reclaimed and Unchained,” and its mission described “a

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collaboration of poets, authors, storytellers and musicians whose work honors life in the South and the tradition of literature and music which best express our unique culture.”

Says Gray, “As a child, I sat in the shaded yard of my grandparents’ home as friends, family and neighbors dropped by to entertain each other with a mixture of stories and music on Sunday afternoons.

The yard was filled with the sound of traditional music and the telling of tall tales, as well as the blending of many voices rising together in song.”

The River City Sessions, he explains, brings that front yard to The Camp House once a month. The show is broadcast two weeks later on WUTC 88.1 locally and across the Internet on WUTC.org.

For the December 13 show, “We are doing something a little different,” says Gray.

“We invited a few of our previous performers and left the choice of presentation up to them. Be ready for anything in the way of poetry, music and story that in some way celebrates the season.”

So far, he told us, “Robinson Renard, a barista at The Camp House, approached me after a show one month and asked to audition. As I struggled to find a time and place, he pulled out his guitar and began immediately. He went from our stage to a one-man show in just a few weeks.” Renard will be sharing his music and poetry.

“

Ben Schnell, the producer of “Another Story,” who is enjoying immense success as a producer and storyteller, will present a story written by his great-uncle about Christmas during the 1920s.

Kemmer Anderson, the Walden’s Ridge poet, Milton Scholar, who teaches at McCallie, and Donyale Grove, the successful poet and artist, will all do readings of their poems.

Local musician Robin Burk will be introducing her new CD at the show.

“It’s sure to sooth and relax those stressed over the holidays,” says Gray.

Pattee Wilbanks and Robert Lovitt from Nashville will be playing traditional music.

Robert Cyphers and Gray will share some favorite memories of Christmas through story and song.

And likely last and certainly not least, Gray will be telling “The Italian Gentleman,” “the story that in some ways began this whole journey and remains my most requested Christmas story.”

Don’t miss this lovely and unique holiday evening.

Choose from the best selection of cheeses such as provolone, extra sharp cheddar, swiss, and WI blue, and of course our famous house-made pimento cheese. Comes with an assortment of crackers, cocktail toasts, and warm foccacia bread.

Chunks of honeydew, cantaloupe, and pineapple, along with berries and fruits of the season, centered around creamy yogurt dip.

Local. Seasonal. Fresh.

Be ready for anything in the way of poetry, music and story that in some way celebrates the season.”

The River City Sessions Holiday Show, $5.

7:30 p.m. Friday, Dec. 13, The Camp House, 1427 Williams St. therivercitysessions.weebly.com

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Come join the fun tonight!

Arts & Entertainment

EVENTS CALENDAR

UTC Trumpet Ensemble

Nightly from 6-9 pm at Rock City

Killer Beaz

· Open Christmas Night · Closed Christmas Eve ·

THUrsday 12.12

for more info call 706.820.2531

See RockCity.com

“When Big Artists Were Little Kids” art exhibit

by Greg Constantine 8:30 a.m. Southern Adventist University, 4881 Taylor Cir, Collegedale. (423) 236-2732.

“The Nutcracker” Student Performance 10 a.m. Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad St. (423) 757-5156, chattanooga.gov “The Best Christmas Pagaent Ever” 11:15 a.m. Cumberland County Playhouse, 221 Tennessee Ave., Crossville. (931) 484-5000, ccplayhouse.com Ooltewah Farmers Market 3 p.m. Ooltewah Nursery & Landscape Co., 5829 Main St. (423) 238-9775, ooltewahnursery.com Yappy Meower 5:30 p.m. McKamey Animal Center, 4500 N. Access Rd. (423) 305-6504, mckameyanimalcenter.org “Those Crazy Ladies in the House on the Corner” 6:30 p.m. The Oak Street Playhouse, 419 McCallie Ave. (423) 756-2428.

“A Christmas Carol The Whole Story” 7 p.m. Abba’s House Theater, 5208 Hixson Pike, Hixson.

(423) 290-8515.

“Flying Brushes Art Show” Open Arms Care art exhibit 7 p.m. Chattannoga State Community College, 4501 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 697-3246, chattanoogastate.edu Snowy Night 7 p.m. Artsy-U, 5084 S. Ter., East Ridge. (423) 321-2317, artsychattanooga.com “A Christmas Story, The Musical”

28 • The Pulse • december 12-18, 2013 • chattanoogapulse.com

7 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534, theatrecentre.com “Lessons & Carols” 7:30 p.m. Lee Univertisty Chapel 1020 N. Ocoee St., Cleveland.

Killer Beaz 7:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233, thecomedycatch.com

friday 12.13 “When Big Artists Were Little Kids” art exhibit

by Greg Constantine 8:30 a.m. Southern Adventist University, 4881 Taylor Cir, Collegedale. (423) 236-2732.

“The Nutcracker” Student Performance 10 a.m. Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad St. (423) 757-5156, chattanooga.gov Home School Workshop: Printmaking 10 a.m. Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View, (423) 267-0968, huntermuseum.org Fall Trees 2 p.m. Artsy-U, 5084 S. Ter., East Ridge. (423) 321-2317, artsychattanooga.com “Those Crazy Ladies in the House on the Corner” 6:30 p.m. The Oak Street Playhouse, 419 McCallie Ave. (423) 756-2428.

“A Christmas Carol The Whole Story” 7 p.m. Abba’s House Theater 5208 Hixson Pike, Hixson.

(423) 290-8515.

“Flying Brushes Art Show” Open Arms Care art exhibit 7 p.m. Chattannoga State Community College, 4501 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 697-3246, chattanoogastate.edu

“Walk In My Shoes: Christmas Edition” 7:30 p.m. ReCreate Café, 800 McCallie Ave. (423) 305-6208, csarmy.org “The Best Christmas Pageant Ever” 7:30 p.m Tennessee Valley Theatre, 184 West Jackson Ave. (423) 365-7529, tennesseevalleytheatre.com “The Nutcracker Christmas Carol: A Holiday Musical” 7:30 p.m. Chattannoga State Community College, 4501 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 697-3246, chattanoogastate.edu Killer Beaz 7:30, 9:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233, thecomedycatch.com Boling/Brown/Holloway Trio with Greg Tardy 8 p.m. Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347, barkinglegs.org “A Christmas Story, The Musical!”

8 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534, theatrecentre.com Chattanooga Ballet presents “The Nutcracker” 8 p.m. Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad St. (423) 757-5156, chattanooga.gov Live Stand-Up Comedy: Dave Stone 9:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839, funnydinner.com

saturday 12.14 Figure Painting Marathon 10 a.m. Townsend Atelier, 201 W. Main St., Suite 107.

(423) 266-2712, townsendatelier.com “Flying Brushes Art Show”

Open Arms Care art exhibit 10 a.m. Chattannoga State Community College, 4501 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 697-3246, chattanoogastate.edu Parent’s Day Out - Drop-N-Shop 11 a.m. Artsy-U, 5084 S. Ter., East Ridge. (423) 321-2317, artsychattanooga.com Chris Thomas Comedy Show 7, 10 p.m. Mocha Restaurant & Lounge, 511 Broad St. (423) 531-4154, mochajazz.net The MET Live : “Falstaff” 12:55 p.m. East Ridge 18, 5080 S. Terrace, East Ridge.

(423) 855-9652, carmike.com Artful Yoga 1:30 p.m. Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View, (423) 267-0968, huntermuseum.org Chattanooga Ballet presents “The Nutcracker” 2, 8 p.m. Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad St. (423) 757-5156, chattanooga.gov “Walk In My Shoes: Christmas Edition” 2:30 p.m. ReCreate Café, 800 McCallie Ave. (423) 305-6208, csarmy.org “A Christmas Story, The Musical!”

2:30, 8 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534, theatrecentre.com “Mystery of Flight 138” 5:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839, funnydinner.com “Those Crazy Ladies in the House on the Corner” 6:30 p.m. The Oak Street Playhouse, 419 McCallie Ave. (423) 756-2428.

Chattanooga Tivoli 7 p.m. Artsy-U, 5084 S. Ter., East Ridge. (423) 321-2317, artsychattanooga.com Killer Beaz

Arts & Entertainment

Dave Stone

7:30, 9:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233, thecomedycatch.com “Walk In My Shoes: Christmas Edition” 7:30 p.m. ReCreate Café, 800 McCallie Ave. (423) 305-6208, csarmy.org “The Best Christmas Pageant Ever” 7:30 p.m Tennessee Valley Theatre, 184 West Jackson Ave. (423) 365-7529, tennesseevalleytheatre.com “Mr. Jack Daniels Hometown Christmas” 7:30 p.m. Cumberland County Playhouse, 221 Tennessee Ave., Crossvile. (931) 484-5000, ccplayhouse.com “The Nutcracker Christmas Carol: A Holiday Musical” 7:30 p.m. Chattannoga State Community College, 4501 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 697-3246, chattanoogastate.edu “Mystery of The Facebook Fugitive” 8 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839, funnydinner.com Live Stand-Up Comedy: Dave Stone 9:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839, funnydinner.com “Improv-a-lot” 10 p.m. Ensemble Theatre of Chattanooga, 5600 Brainerd Rd. (423) 602-8640, ensembletheatreofchattanooga.com

sunday 12.15 Holiday English Tea and Open House 1 p.m. Houston Museum, 201 High St. (423) 267-7176, thehoustonmuseum.org “Those Crazy Ladies in the House on the Corner”

NOW OPEN!

EVENTS CALENDAR

1:30 p.m. The Oak Street Playhouse 419 McCallie Ave., (423) 756-2428.

“A Christmas Story, The Musical!”

2:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534, theatrecentre.com “Walk In My Shoes: Christmas Edition” 2:30 p.m. ReCreate Café, 800 McCallie Ave. (423) 305-6208, csarmy.org “The Nutcracker Christmas Carol: A Holiday Musical” 2:30 p.m. Chattannoga State Community College, 4501 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 697-3246, chattanoogastate.edu Christmasfest 2013: How Great Our Joy! 6:30 p. m. Signal Mountain Presbyterian Church, 612 James Blvd. signalpres.org

monday 12.16 Little Lamb 5:30 p.m. Artsy-U, 5084 S. Ter., East Ridge. (423) 321-2317, artsychattanooga.com “Another Story LIVE” 7:30 p.m. The Camp House, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081, thecamphouse.com “Walk In My Shoes: Christmas Edition” 7:30 p.m. ReCreate Café, 800 McCallie Ave. (423) 305-6208, csarmy.org “Flying Brushes Art Show” Open Arms Care art exhibit 7 p.m. Chattannoga State Community College, 4501 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 697-3246, chattanoogastate.edu

tuesday 12.17 ArtsyU Paint and Sip

Fri. & Sat. nights in December.

The MET Live: "Falstaff"

at Brix Nouveau 6:30 p.m. Artsy-U, 5084 S. Ter., East Ridge. (423) 321-2317, artsychattanooga.com “Flying Brushes Art Show” Open Arms Care art exhibit 7 p.m. Chattannoga State Community College, 4501 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 697-3246, chattanoogastate.edu

wednesday 12.18 Wine Wedesdays 5 p.m. Back Inn Café, 412 East Second St. (423) 265-5033, bluffviewartdistrict.com “Flying Brushes Art Show” Open Arms Care art exhibit 7 p.m. Chattannoga State Community College, 4501 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 697-3246, chattanoogastate.edu The MET Live: “Falstaff” 6:30 p.m. East Ridge 18, 5080 S. Terrace, East Ridge.

(423) 855-9652 Ornament Paiting 7 p.m. Artsy-U, 5084 S. Ter., East Ridge. (423) 321-2317, artsychattanooga.com

ongoing Chattanooga Zoo 12 Days Of Christmas Campaign For The Animals 9 a.m.

Chattanooga Zoo, 301 N. Holtzclaw Ave. (423) 687-1319, chattzoo.org “Meditations: New Work by Scott Hillard & Steve Olszewski” 10 a.m. - 5 p.m. Mon-Sat, 1 - 5 p.m. Sun. River Gallery, 400 E. 2nd St. (423) 265-5033, river-gallery.com “Members Exhibit” 11 a.m. - 5 p.m. Tues.- Sat. AVA Gallery, 30 Frazier Ave.

(423) 265-4282, avarts.org “Baubles, Bangles & Beads” 11 a.m. - 6 p.m., Mon-Sat, 1 - 5 p.m. Sun. In-Town Gallery, 26A Frazier Ave. (423) 267-9214, intowngallery.com “Harmony & Hostility” art exhibit by John McLeod 10 a.m. Mon-Fri. St. Paul’s Episcopal Church, 305 W. 7th St. (423) 266-8195, stpaulschatt.org “Fine Art Landscapes” Reflections Gallery, 6922 Lee Hwy. (423) 892-3072, reflectionsgallerytn.com “Go Figure: Selections from the Permanent Collection” Hunter Museum, 10 Bluff View. (423) 267-0968, huntermuseum.org Rock City Raptors 11 a.m. - 3 p.m. Fri-Sat, 11 a.m. - 3 p.m.

Rock City, 1400 Patten Rd., Lookout Mtn, Ga. seerockcity.com Rock City’s Enchanted Garden of Lights Mon-Fri 6 p.m. - 9 p.m.

Rock City Gardens, 271 Chattanooga Valley Rd. (706) 820-2531, seerockcity.com Holidays Under the Peaks Daily.

Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (800) 262-0695, tnaqua.org Gingerbread House Workshops Daily.

Creative Discovery Museum, 321 Chestnut St. (423) 756-2738.

Map these locations on chattanoogapulse.com. Send event listings at least 10 days in advance to: calendar@ chattanoogapulse.com.

• Holiday Tour • Falling Snow • • Live Music • Carriage Rides • RubyFalls.com

chattanoogapulse.com • december 12-18, 2013 • The Pulse • 29

Enjoy the holidays with our great selection of wine, spirits & high gravity beer.

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30 • The Pulse • december 12-18, 2013 • chattanoogapulse.com

P

RINCIPLES ARE FUNNY THINGS. WE WANT TO BE PRINcipled and disciplined. The truth of who we are should be unwavering. But then, sometimes, our principles can put us at odds with others, even those that have done many things to support and nurture us.

There is a conversation to be had about what we owe to those around us, what we owe to ourselves, and what to do when those things are at odds. This argument between our principles and our responsibilities is one that everyone has at one time or another.

Bill Watterson certainly did. He talked about it in-between the lines of what is likely the best comic strip of all time. For many Americans, “Calvin and Hobbes” is the comic strip to end all comic strips. The characters, the stories, the artwork, the humor—all hold a distinct and powerful presence in the hearts of people, people that spent their childhood searching through the daily newspaper for that back page, the one somewhere in the middle, the one that shared space with the horoscopes and the jumble, the one that opened our minds to the tiny world of Calvin and his tiger best friend.

“Dear Mr. Watterson,” which was screened by MES last month and is available on iTunes, is a film about nostalgia and deep love. Contrary to what the name suggests, it’s not really about Bill Watterson, the creator of strip, but instead those that read the comics and were influenced by the subtle beauty found in four small boxes neatly drawn in black and white.

Fans of the strip gush about their collections, about their experiences, about growing up with it in their lives. Many of them don’t know anything about the man behind pen. This isn’t necessarily because of a lack of interest; instead, it’s because Watterson is notoriously shy, avoiding press and interviews whenever he can. He’s referred to as “the Bigfoot of cartoonists.” As such, much of what we learn comes from interviews with his publisher and other cartoonists, most of whom find him as elusive as fans do.

Watterson would occasionally correspond with Berkley Breathed, another cartoonist who found a lot of success with his strips “Bloom County” and “Opus.” Their correspondence was done in cartoons, which are wonderful, and largely dealt with an argument the two had over licensing of their characters. But by and large, Watterson lived in his house in Ohio, drew his strips, and talked to no one.

The argument over licensing is where

“

the heart of the film lies. There is a reason that we don’t see Calvin on lunchboxes or hear Hobbes counting the ways that car insurance might save you money. That reason is Bill Watterson. While giants in fresh and authentic for over thirty years the cartooning industry sold the rights 5425 Highway 153 N. • Chattanooga, TN to their characters and covered the globe with Snoopy and Garfield, Watterson simwww.formosa-restaurant.com • 423.875.6953 ply said no. The interviewees all wax philosophical about Watterson’s reason, be it control or simple boredom with the idea.

However, none of them have a great answer. For the most part, Watterson himself answered the question in his 10th Anniversary Collection of “Calvin and Hobbes” strips: He felt that the characters only worked in the world that he created for them. Had he allowed them to be sold, they would stop being as special. It’s a legitimate artistic decision, one that is understandable and logical.

However, Watterson also left an enormous amount of money on the table as well as something 13 straight years voted Best Chinese Restaurant by CityScope of a hole in the hearts of his fans. His publishers certainly cared about the money—they invested in Calvin and Hobbes, hoping for a return in the presents Garfield range. By some estimates, “Calvin and Hobbes” merchandise would have outsold Garfield handily. Watterson’s Saving Mobile Lives publisher could have easily gone around him—that was their right. And yet, they presents didn’t. That seems to me to be quite an anomaly. For once, the rights and principles of the artist were respected. That’s nothing short of miraculous.

“Dear Mr. Watterson” is a film for diehard “Calvin and Hobbes” fans. Long discussions about merchandising and licensing threaten to dry the film out for the caProudly Presents… sual viewer. But there is enough nostalgia, Proudly Presents… enough love, and enough beauty to make the film worth watching. Anyone that has read the strip knows how entertaining it was. “Calvin and Hobbes” sort of transcends the art form. Cartoonists in the film Saturday, November 16, Saturday, 2013 November 6:30pm to 16, 11:00pm 2013 6:30pm to 11:00pm all acknowledge that Bill Watterson raised Silver Ballroom, Sheraton Ballroom, House Sheraton Read House The SilverRead the bar for everyone else. Comic strips have 1906 Gunbarrel Rd. Gourmet Seated Dinner Gourmet Dancing Seated Wine Dinner Dancing Wine moved on now, away from dying newspa423-486-1668 Auction Live Semi-formal & SilentAttire Auction Semi-formal Attire Bar Live & SilentCash Bar pers to find a home online. But thatCash meSpecial Legacy Honorees include Special Mayor LegacyAndy Honorees Berkeinclude & JuliaMayor Sanford.

Andy Berke & Julia Sanford.

(Next to GiGi’s Cupcakes) dium is very different. The film makes the DECEMBER 20,more 7:30 PM • DECEMBER 21, 2:00 PM • DECEMBER 22, 2:00 PM For more information: www.BalletTennessee.org For information: www.BalletTennessee.org cellphonerepair.com/chattanooga Hall • UTC Fine Arts CenterBox case that there will never be another “CalEmail Anna VanCura: Anna@BalletTennessee.org EmailHayes AnnaConcert VanCura: Anna@BalletTennessee.org Office: 423-425-4269 • www.utc.edu/finearts To make a reservation: To make a reservation: vin and Hobbes.” Unfortunately, I believe M-F 10am-7pm Sat: 11a-4pm For(423) more821-2156 information: www.BalletTennessee.org (423) 821-2055 FAX: (423) 821-2055 FAX: (423) 821-2156 them. Luckily for us, Bill Watterson gave Tickets On Sale: DECEMBER 2nd Closed Sunday us plenty to read and remember.

For once, the rights and principles of the artist were respected. That’s nothing short of miraculous.”

The

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chattanoogapulse.com • december 12-18, 2013 • The Pulse • 31

30th Annual Holiday Gift Wrap

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32 • The Pulse • december 12-18, 2013 • chattanoogapulse.com

Spirits Within

michael thomas

‘Tis the Season for the Royal Treatment Our man on the barstool salutes the glory of Crown Royal

T

HIS IS THE TIME OF YEAR WHEN A MAN’S THOUGHTS TURN to brown liquor. Having been a single man for the better part of a decade, I am accustomed to one of the great privileges of being unmarried with no family nearby—being able to celebrate the best parts of the holidays and retreat from the worst parts with an old-fashioned tumbler, a few cubes of ice and a generous pour of whiskey.

Don’t get me wrong, I love spending time with friends and occasionally flying out to the Arizona desert to sit around with the boring, old married people that still admit to being part of my family. Over the years, I’ve also had more than my share of singleman, hotel-bar holiday parties, which can be spectacular in their understated, minimalist glory. The greatest joys I have found in these solo holiday festivities are the complete absence of judgment and generous helpings of freedom to enjoy my favorite holiday beverage: Canadian whisky.

Two points need to be made here. First, this is my personal preference of holiday beverage. I do not drink eggnog for the same reason I do not drink pancake batter. Second, Canadians spell whisky in the Scottish fashion, without an “e”, unlike spirits from the U.S. or Ireland, where the “e” is included.

Canadian whisky, like bourbon, is a uniquely North American spirit and Crown Royal is the world’s most popular brand of Canadian whisky. Crown Royal is aged in charred, white American oak barrels for a minimum of three years before being placed into huge blending vats where whiskies of various ages come together to produce a consistent blend from year to year (the bottle label can only carry the age statement of the youngest spirit used).

That’s why a bottle of Crown Royal produced today is likely to have the same taste profile as a bottle purchased 10, 20 or more

years ago. After blending, the whisky is returned to barrels to allow the newly combined whiskies to merge, mellow and settle before being bottled and slipped into those iconic purple velvet bags.

While I cut my whisky tooth on the original version with its smooth, almost creamy taste and slight hints of vanilla and oak, I quickly switched to Royal Crown Black when it was introduced in 2010. Crown Black makes me want to sit in an old leather chair, smoke cigarettes and listen to the scratch and pop of old Tom Waits vinyl on my RCA turntable with its 20-year-old needle. Crown Black is higher proof, with a concentrated flavor reminiscent of bourbon, but with a rich texture and smoothness that invites my eyes into a long, slow, comforting blink after each sip.

While I’m partial to sipping my whisky neat or poured over a few crystal-clear cubes of ice, there are those who prefer theirs mixed with a little of that sweet Southern serum, Coca Cola, to create the legendary Crown and Coke. I was recently convinced by Marie Walther, bartender extraordinaire and manager at The Palms, to try their Royal Apple Martini made with Crown Deluxe, Apple Schnapps and cranberry juice. While I was concerned my man card would be stripped from me unceremoniously if I were spotted holding this muted, pastel beverage, I have to admit it was tasty, which is not terribly surprising since it did have a generous pour of Crown in it.

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Sensing my aversion to fruit flavors mixed with whisky and knowing my slavish devotion to breakfast foods, Marie convinced me to try the distillery’s most recent addition, Crown Royal Maple Finished Whiskey. She brought the bottle over for me to investigate and when I removed the cap I was whisked away to a kitchen where Mrs. Butterworth and Aunt Jemima were doing whiskey shots over a batch of flapjacks and syrup.

My first impression was that they went a little heavy on the “natural maple flavor,” regardless of what they did with their toast and their oak, but the good news is the smell dissipates quickly and come drinking time, the pent-up pancake rage has mostly passed and you’re left with a smooth and credible whisky that smells like maple syrup but tastes predominantly of smoky caramel.

I’m hooked, whether it be Crown Black over ice, Deluxe with a splash of Coke, or Maple with a shot of OJ and a strip of bacon, Canadian whisky is my jam. Peace out.

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chattanoogapulse.com • december 12-18, 2013 • The Pulse • 33

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CheCk out the Cat in the hat

Free Will Astrology SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): There are pregnant truths I could reveal to you right now that I’ve decided not to disclose. I don’t think you’re prepared to hear them yet. If I told you what they are, you wouldn’t be receptive or able to register their full meaning; you might even misinterpret them. It is possible, however, that you could evolve rather quickly in the next two weeks.

So let’s see if I can nudge you in the direction of getting the experiences necessary to become ready. Meditate on what parts of you are immature or underdeveloped—aspects that may one day be skilled and gracious, but are not yet.

I bet that once you identify what needs ripening, you will expedite the ripening. And then you will become ready to welcome the pregnant truths.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): “Finifugal” is a rarely used English adjective that I need to invoke in order to provide you with the proper horoscope. It refers to someone who avoids or dislikes endings—ike a child who doesn’t want a bedtime story to conclude, or an adult who’s in denial about how it’s finally time to wrap up long-unfinished business. You can’t afford to be finifugal in the coming days, Capricorn.

This is the tail end of your cycle. It won’t be healthy for you to shun climaxes and denouements. Neither will it be wise to merely tolerate them. Somehow, you’ve got to find a way to love and embrace them.

(P.S. That’s the best strategy for ensuring the slow-motion eruption of vibrant beginnings after your birthday.)

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): According to 20th-century British author John Cowper Powys, “A bookshop is a dynamite-shed, a drugstore of poisons, a bar of intoxicants, a den of opiates, an island of sirens.” He didn’t mean that literally, of course. He was referring to the fact that the words contained in books can inflame and enthrall the imagination. I think you will be wise to seek out that level of arousal in the coming weeks, Aquarius. Your thoughts need to be aired out and rearranged. Your feelings are crying out for strenuous exercise, including some pure, primal catharses. Do whatever it takes to make sure that happens.

36 • The Pulse • december 12-18, 2013 • chattanoogapulse.com

rob brezsny Raspberry Award for Worst Actress. Her work in “The Blind Side,” on the other hand, won her an Oscar for Best Actress.

I’m thinking that you may experience a similar paradox in the coming days, Taurus.

Some of your efforts might be denigrated, while others are praised. It may even be the case that you’re criticized and applauded for the same damn thing. How to respond?

Learn from Bullock’s example.

She gave gracious acceptance speeches at the award ceremonies for both the Golden Raspberry and the Oscar.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): “I am not fearless,” says Mexican journalist and women’s right advocate Lydia Cacho, “but I’m not overtaken by fear. Fear is quite an interesting animal. It’s like a pet. If you mistreat it, it will bite, but if you understand it and accept it in your house, it might protect you.” This is an excellent time to work on transforming your fright reflexes, Pisces. You have just the right kind of power over them: strong and crafty and dynamic, but not grandiose or cocky or delusional. You’re ready to make your fears serve you, not drain you.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Franklin D. Roosevelt was elected President of the United States four times, more often than any other president. We can conclude that he was one of the most popular American leaders ever. And yet he never won a majority of the votes cast by the citizens of his home county in New York. I foresee the possibility of a comparable development in your life. You may be more successful working on the big picture than you are in your immediate situation. It could be easier for you to maneuver when you’re not dealing with familiar, up-close matters. What’s outside your circle might be more attracted to your influence than what’s nearer to home.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): In 2009, actress Sandra Bullock starred in three films, two of which earned her major recognition.

For her performance in “All About Steve,” she was given a Golden

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Almost 2,000 years ago, a Roman doctor named Scribonius Largus developed recipes for three different kinds of toothpaste. One contained the ashes of burned-up deer antler, aromatic resin from an evergreen shrub known as mastic, and a rare mineral called sal ammoniac. His second toothpaste was a mix of barley flour, vinegar, honey, and rock salt. Then there was the third: sun-dried radish blended with finely ground glass. Let’s get a bit rowdy here and propose that these three toothpastes have metaphorical resemblances to the life choices in front of you right now. I’m going to suggest you go with the second option. At the very least, avoid the third.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Are you feeling a bit pinched, parched, and prickly? Given the limitations you’ve had to wrestle with lately, I wouldn’t be surprised if you were.

Even though you have passed some of the sneaky tests and solved some of the itchy riddles you’ve been compelled to deal with, they have no doubt contributed to the pinched, parched prickliness. Now what can be done to help you recover your verve? I’m thinking that all you will have to do is respond smartly to the succulent temptations that life will bring your way in the coming weeks.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Have you ever situated yourself between two big bonfires on a beach and basked in the primal power? Was there a special moment in your past when you found yourself sitting between two charismatic people you loved and admired, soaking up the lifegiving radiance they exuded? Did

you ever read a book that filled you with exaltation as you listened to music that thrilled your soul? These are the kinds of experiences I hope you seek out in the coming week.

I’d love to see you get nourished stereophonically by rich sources of excitement.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Mythically speaking, this would be a propitious time for you to make an offering to the sea goddess. In dreams or meditations or fantasies, I suggest you dive down into the depths, find the supreme feminine power in her natural habitat, and give her a special gift. Show her how smart you are in the way you express love, or tell her exactly how you will honor her wisdom in the future. If she is receptive, you may even ask her for a favor. Maybe she’ll be willing to assist you in accessing the deep feelings that haven’t been fully available to you.

Or perhaps she will teach you how to make conscious the secrets you have been keeping from yourself.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Don’t linger in a doorway, Libra. Don’t camp out in a threshold or get stuck in the middle of anything. I understand your caution, considering the fact that life is presenting you with such paradoxical clues. But if you remain ambivalent too much longer, you may obstruct the influx of more definitive information. The best way to generate the clarity and attract the help you need will be to make a decisive move -- either in or out, either forward or backward, either up or down.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): “It’s a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn’t want to hear,” said TV talk show host Dick Cavett. I will love it if you make yourself one of those rare types in the coming week, Scorpio. Can you bring yourself to be receptive to truths that might be disruptive? Are you willing to send out an invitation to the world, asking to be shown revelations that contradict your fixed theories and foregone conclusions? If you do this hard work, I promise that you will be granted a brainstorm and a breakthrough. You might also be given a new reason to brag.

Homework: What holiday gifts do you want? Express your outrageous demands and humble requests.

Freewillastrology.com

Jonesin’ Crossword

matt jones

“’Round Here”--a token of my gratitude.

CONFUSED ABOUT THE NEW HEALTH CARE LAW? WE’RE HERE TO HELP. Just come to one of our meetings. There are no obligations.

We’ll answer all your questions and walk you through how to find a plan on the Health Insurance Marketplace that’s right for you.

Plus, we’ll give you tips on how you might be able to get cost savings that could significantly lower your monthly payment.

ATTEND A COMMUNITY MEETING DEC 13, JAN 7 & JAN 16 10 a.m. – Hilton Garden Inn – Hamilton Place 2343 Shallowford Village Dr. Chattanooga, TN 37421

Across 1 Martial artist in “Lethal Weapon 4” 6 River that empties into the Caspian 10 Take quickly 14 Sweeping 15 Heat up in a hurry 16 Prefix that means “transcending” 17 Do a radio remembrance of a late Pantera founder?

19 Critters that may be “live” 20 Alternatives to Cokes 21 Portrayer of Ricky on “I Love Lucy” 22 “___ Lang Syne” 24 Metal coating that’s all the rage?

29 Another, in Argentina 30 Open a barrel 31 Electric fan setting 32 Altar area 35 Nicolas whom “Dog the Bounty Hunter”

once posted bail for 36 Bilbao bear 37 Cater a party for Drew Brees?

42 Overly permissive 43 The Runnin’ Rebels of the NCAA 44 Some, in Seville 45 Lob’s trajectory 46 “___ recall...”

47 Right in the atlas 50 Punch out the clown from “It”?

55 A restaurant may hold it for you 56 Inkling 57 “Do Ya” rock group 59 “Burlesque” actress 61 Ubiquitous arcade game message, or a hint to this puzzle’s theme 64 Means 65 Drama king?

66 Water park slide 67 Some stocking stuffers 68 ___ of thousands 69 Logical flaws

Down 1 Hook-shaped ski lift 2 “Love Story” novelist Segal 3 Trunk 4 Youngster 5 Statement of denial 6 World Heritage Site org.

7 His fame involved a lot of twists 8 Wanted poster letters 9 21, often 10 “New car” or “burning tire” 11 TV ad come-on 12 The Falcons, on scoreboards 13 Pump contents 18 Former Israeli PM Golda 23 Word with crust or hand 25 Open-___ shoes 26 Coup d’___ 27 1900 Puccini premiere 28 Furry movie creatures

32 Insurance co. with a “spokesduck” 33 Oyster’s offering 34 “American Pie,” e.g.

35 Honda SUV 38 Visibly nervous 39 Pristine, to Brits 40 “That’s ___!”

41 “___ digress...”

47 “___ Game” (2013 film) 48 Yesterday, in Cuba 49 1980s timepiece 51 “Who ___?”

52 Jewish month that sounds like a car 53 Asian economic hub 54 Best of the best 58 Binary digits 59 Where Alabama may be viewed, for short 60 Follower of boo, yoo or woo 62 Wedding column word 63 Stand-up comic Margaret

DEC 19 & JAN 21 10 a.m. – The Chattanooga Choo Choo The Finley Lecture Hall 1400 Market St. Chattanooga, TN 37402 JAN 31 10 a.m. – Brainerd Crossroads BX 4011 Austin St. Chattanooga, TN 37411

To find more community meetings in your area, visit bcbst.com/KnowNow

©BlueCross BlueShield of Tennessee, Inc., an Independent Licensee of the BlueCross BlueShield Association.

BlueCross BlueShield of Tennessee is a Qualified Health Plan issuer in the Health Insurance Marketplace.

Copyright © 2013 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+ to call. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle No. 0653 BCBS4691_19384_Mrktplc_ChattanoogaPulse_12.11.13.indd 1 chattanoogapulse.com

12/3/13 11:52 Pulse • december 12-18, 2013 • The • AM 37

On the Beat

alex teach

Finding a Lifeline A phone call brings it back home for Officer Alex At first blush, you think of police work as a job. A task, something you perform, a goal you meet, a request you fulfill in return for money and or benefits.

When you’re actually performing the job, it’s easy to think of it that way, even as you do so day after day, week after week. And eventually? Year after year.

I am under-simplifying this for a reason: I wish to show you the difference between a job and a career. And for those that are in it for more than the novelty of a short period of time, that’s exactly what this is. A career.

Just as eyes that stare at the sun too long eventually go blind, so it is with a career. The colors tend to fade and shapes tend to coalesce, and the scenery begins to seem as if it as if it never changes. Problems become routine, and those tasks you originally performed as part of a job seem more and more pointless as time moves on. Futile. Empty.

Five years becomes a decade, and one decade becomes two… and where are you? Wearing the same outfit and very possibly driving the same car you were two presidents ago, and dealing with the same kind of people

“

Then your phone rings and you have this new guy reaching out and suddenly one of those days, several of those days from your past, actually take on meaning.”

over and over again. Sisyphus, rolling that immense boulder uphill, only to watch it roll back down over and over for eternity.

Madness.

I was there wallowing in the futility and frustrated subconscious silence that keeps it from driving you crazy when my phone rang with an unknown number.

I answered it to find another officer calling, one I may have seen in passing at best but certainly had never met.

He was referred by someone else and he hoped this was OK,

but he had a policy question that hadn’t come up before, because he never been in trouble before.

He was about to have his first administrative hearing and he wasn’t sure what to expect, and when he asked around? Someone referred him to me of all people. Go figure.

To make a long story short, he had been serving a warrant and the misdemeanant in question put up a fight. Not a substantial one and not one he would have otherwise remembered except for two things: It was his first complaint of excessive force, and the first time he’d knocked someone out.

He relayed the story, too long for this column, but it ended in the bad guy running towards him and the officer planned to strike him in the chest. The customer balked at the last second, tried to come to a halt, and tripped in the process. Unfortunately, the officer’s brain had already told his fist to punch that guy square in the chest to stop the charge, and as the guy fell short and tripped, the already launched fist struck his head, and out the lights went.

Electrical impulses fly at a stunning pace but there’s still a delay

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between “thought” and “action,” and in that in-between a lot of officers wind up in the principal’s office of life. Fights just happen and end faster than you possibly imagine.

He rendered medical aid and called for an ambulance and the guy wound up with a few more charges from the original, but otherwise all went well from there until the complaint came in. Never having sat before the Captain’s (Chief ’s?) Mast, he was nervous. Enter my phone call.

Despite all appearances, the story of the assault is not what I’m writing about. It’s about how this long, empty journey leaves you starving sometimes, if not lost. Hopeless. And then your phone rings and you have this new guy reaching out and suddenly one of those days, several of those days from your past, actually take on meaning. No matter how insignificant, at least one day wasn’t for nothing, and you’re able to pass on some comforting words, some good advice to someone just beginning this path, and you feel it may have been worth it. You feel... useful again.

The essence of being a cop is

helping people. It’s not that it becomes mundane, but it seems fruitless after a time. But when a cop can help a cop? It's job satisfaction squared. Cubed.

That guy will never know, but in reaching out to me for a simple question, for reassurance, he made this job seem worthwhile again today. The colors became sharper, the shapes more distinct again…things that can’t be done with money or many other external factors.

It’s a long road, but one not traveled alone. That rock still has to get pushed up that hill, but today? I suppose the difference was I didn’t feel like I was doing it alone.

Thanks, officer.

When officer Alexander D. Teach is not patrolling our fair city on the heels of the criminal element, he spends his spare time volunteering for the Boehm Birth Defects Center. Follow him on Facebook at www. facebook.com/alexteach

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chattanoogapulse.com • december 12-18, 2013 • The Pulse • 39