The Pulse 11.19 » May 8, 2014

PLAY WITH THE CSO | TAB SPENCER | CURATING TECH TALENT

The Pulse CHATTANOOGA'S WEEKLY ALTERNATIVE

MAY 8, 2014

THE FUTURE OF PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION IS A NEW RENAISSANCE COMING TO CHATTANOOGA?

2 • The Pulse • May 8-14, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

VOLUME 11 • ISSUE 19 brewEr media group

Contents

Happenings

Publisher & President Jim Brewer II

EDITORIAL

Managing Editor Gary Poole

BEGINNINGS: Pedaling from Rails to Trails... Discover history on a bike

Contributing Editor Janis Hashe Contributors Rich Bailey • Rob Brezsny John DeVore • Steven Disbrow Hayley Graham • Janis Hashe Cliff Hightower • Matt Jones Marc T. Michael • Ernie Paik Rick Pimental-Habib • Alex Teach

LIVE MUSIC CALENDAR ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT CALENDAR

Editorial Interns Christopher Armstrong • Jake Bacon Madeline Chambliss Cartoonists & Illustrators Rick Baldwin • Max Cannon Jen Sorenson • Tom Tomorrow Photographer Josh Lang Founded 2003 by Zachary Cooper & Michael Kull

Features

PUBLIC TRANSIT REVIVAL? Chattanooga’s transportation future looks to light rail

ADVERTISING

By Cliff Hightower

Director of Sales Mike Baskin

TECHNOLOGY: Lamp Post Group experiments with housing, community NEW MUSIC REVIEWS: Jazz purists beware, indie lovers rejoice ART: A classical gas for musicians of all stripes

Account Executives Chee Chee Brown • Julie Brown Lisa Dicaire • Rick Leavell • Leif Sawyer Stacey Tyler • Jerry Ware

SCREEN: New “Spider-man” tangled up in teen melodrama

CONTACT

Offices 1305 Carter St., Chattanooga, TN 37402 Phone 423.265.9494 Website chattanoogapulse.com Email info@chattanoogapulse.com Calendar calendar@chattanoogapulse.com THE FINE PRINT: The Pulse is published weekly by Brewer Media and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on music, the arts, entertainment, culture and local news. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publisher may take more than one copy per weekly issue. We’re watching.

The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors.

Contents Copyright © 2014 by Brewer Media. All rights reserved.

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news • views • rants • raves

BEGINNINGS

updates » CHATTANOOGApulse.com facebook/chattanoogapulse EMAIL LOVE LETTERS, ADVICE & TRASH TALK TO INFO@CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

Pedaling from Rails to Trails A few Thursdays ago, I had the pleasure of walking with a group of folks experiencing the Stringer’s Ridge trails for the first time. The walk, organized by Friends of Stringer’s Ridge, was both a nice bit of exercise and a living history lesson about the northern side of the city.

“

The impact on Chattanooga’s tourism industry and the local economy could be huge.”

During the walk, one of the organizers spoke about a growing movement across the country to convert abandoned railways into hiking and biking trails.

Chattanooga is well known for its substantial number of abandoned or unused rail lines (though, as our cover story attests this week, not all of these will remain that way for long).

So, naturally, I was curious if there had been any thought to a “rails-totrails” project here.

Turns out the trail folks were way

The Silver Comet biking trail.

ahead of me. Starting Monday, the city will host a three-day series of planning education meetings with Jim Sayer, executive director of the Adventure Cycling Association; Marianne Fowler, senior vice president of federal relations for the Rails-to-Trails Conservancy; and Katherine Kraft, coalition director for GARY POOLE AmericaWalks.

Outdoor Chattanooga’s Ruth Thompson, who has been a tireless advocate for biking in the region, explained that the meetings will focus on the recreational, health and economic benefits of bicycle tourism and on how the city can use rail-trails both for tourism and recreation and as a means of connecting neighborhoods.

“It’s rare that a city gets the chance to host even one of these experts,” says Philip Pugliese, director of the Active Living and Transportation Network, which, along with Outdoor Chattanooga, is organizing the events. “This is a unique opportunity to tap the expertise of all three at the same time.”

The three leaders are coming to Chattanooga at the invitation of local trails advocate Jim Johnson, whose company, BikeToursDirect, is underwriting the cost of their visit and is a leading corporate sponsor of Adventure Cycling.

News

4 • The Pulse • May 8-14, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

“This is a unique opportunity for the community and our leaders to interact with leading experts in fields that could have such an impact on us for generations to come,” Johnson says. “Even looking at the Silver Comet alone, it attracts nearly two million people per year who spend about $57 million. The impact on Chattanooga’s tourism industry and the local economy could be huge. And overall, trails and improved connectivity make Chattanooga more attractive to residents and visitors.”

Two public events will be held as well. “On the Road and on the Trail” at Outdoor Chattanooga, 200 River St. in Coolidge Park, 6 p.m. on Monday, May 12 and “Bicycle Tourism, Trail Development and Connectivity” at 10 a.m. at the Public Library Auditorium, 1001 Broad St. on Tuesday, May 13.

If you have an interest is continuing Chattanooga’s biking (and hiking) renaissance, this is the next step in what we hope will be an ongoing and productive process.

EdiToon

by Rick Baldwin

Home Games Sat, May 10 • 7:15 PM

Discover History on a Bike To celebrate history, exercise and the arrival of warm weather, the good folks at Chickamauga and Chattanooga National Military Park and Outdoor Chattanooga have joined forces and are sponsoring a free bicycle ride to the Moccasin Bend National Archeological District.

This two-hour, leisurely ride will begin at Outdoor Chattanooga, located in Coolidge Park, on Thursday, May 8, 6 p.m. If you are over the age of eight, then you are invited to come on down and get pedaling.

The five-mile trek varies from flat ground to moderately hilly terrain.

Everyone is encouraged to wear a helmet, but it’s only required for riders

IN THIS ISSUE

Sun, May 11 • 2:15 PM

16 years old and younger.

Interpretive rangers from the National Park Service will provide historical information for the participants, and Outdoor Chattanooga staff and volunteers will be en route with riders with leadership and support.

Bring your own bike if you have it, but for those who don’t own a bicycle and still want to participate, Friends of the Park and the Chattanooga Bicycle Club are providing a limited number of bicycles for riders taller than five feet. To reserve a bicycle, call Outdoor Chattanooga at (423) 643-6888. For more information, visit outdoorchattanooga.com — Christopher Armstrong

Cliff Hightower This week's cover story on the future of transportation is by Cliff Hightower. He was a reporter for eight years at the Chattanooga Times Free Press, covering Chattanooga government, transportation and growth and development.

Hightower won a first-place

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Marc T. Michael award in investigative journalism from the East Tennessee Society of Professional Journalists for his story exposing city administrators using public resources for a private business.

He has also worked in Florida as a police reporter and for the Knoxville News Sentinel as a general assignment reporter.

He has a seven-year-old daughter and three-year-old son, and is an avid backpacker.

Marc T. Michael covers the local music scene for The Pulse, and from an early age had two passions in life: music and writing. Noticeably self-taught at one and educated at the University of Kentucky for the other, Marc moved to Chattanooga in the fall of 1993.

When not playing with local Irish group the Molly Maguires Marc can be found hosting trivia matches throughout the city as the regional manager for Challenge Entertainment. An avid supporter of Chattanooga’s burgeoning music scene, he currently resides in Red Bank with his wife Bryanna, his daughter Libby and two cats who, truth be told, are actually in charge of everything. chattanoogapulse.com • May 8-14, 2014 • The Pulse • 5

Research Roundup Expand your universe and your mind with some amazing new discoveries

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Researchers at the B612 Foundation claim that since 2001, there have been 26 multikiloton asteroid explosions here on Earth.”

Steven Disbrow is a computer programmer who specializes in e-commerce and mobile systems development. He’s also an entrepreneur, comic-book nerd, writer, improviser, actor, sometime television personality and parent of two human children.

One of the great things about writing a science column is that there’s always so much stuff to choose from! See, science is driven by humanity’s most powerful trait: curiosity.

As a result, scientific progress never stops. Some months, however, there’s just too much good stuff to choose from.

So, this time, I thought STEVEN W. I’d give you a quick overview of some of the great stuff that scientific research has produced recently.

tion and analysis, a team working with a telescope called BICEP2, which is at the South Pole, claims to have found these aftershocks, predicted as part of the “Inflationary” theory of the Big Bang.

Inflation theory states that in the first few billionths of a second after the Big Bang, the universe inflated at a speed beyond imagining.

DISBROW Yes, even faster than light, and no, this doesn’t violate any physical laws, because it was space that was expanding at this speed...the light inside that space still has to stick to the speed of light, but the space itself is under no such restriction.

As you might imagine, this rapid swelling of space was pretty intense and Inflation theory predicts that this would cause gravity waves as a result.

While there was already a lot of indirect evidence in support of inflation, the detection of these predicted gravity waves is the first direct evidencwe that’s ever been observed for Inflation.

(For more info, Google: “big bang gravity waves”)

Just A Theory

Gravity is Making Waves Let’s start with the oldest, and probably biggest news. Back in March, a group of researchers announced that they had detected “gravity waves” that had originated from the Big Bang.

Gravity waves, which were predicted by Einstein as part of his theory of relativity, are basically ripples in the fabric of space that emanate from things like white dwarfs, black holes and, it turns out, the creation of a universe.

These waves are very subtle and very hard to detect.

But, after years of data collec-

Autism Clues While we still don’t have an all-encompassing theory for what causes autism, a study published in early April adds another piece to the puzzle. Researchers found that abnormal levels of a certain protein (“Prostaglandin E2”) present in the brain of a fetus can lead to autism.

Alarmingly, environmental causes (including some over-thecounter meds and cosmetics) can affect these protein levels.

While this is just one study, and the results are yet to be duplicated, it’s a promising step forward in combatting the problem of autism. (For more, Google: “prenatal autism april 2014”.)

And, if you were wondering, vaccines still do not cause autism.

The one study that linked vaccines to autism was discredited and retracted long ago (and the author was stripped of his medical license for fraud).

Asteroids… Everywhere!

By now, everyone has seen that video of the meteorite that tore across the skies of Chelyabinsk, Russia last year. When it exploded in the air, hundreds of buildings were damaged by the shockwave and more than 1,000 people were injured by flying glass and debris.

Now, this wasn’t a small rock, it was about 20 meters wide and weighed more than the Eiffel Tower! Still, nobody noticed it until it showed up in the sky and exploded. Scary, right?

Well, new research shows that rather than being a rare thing, im-

pacts of this size are happening way more often than we realized.

In fact, researchers at the B612 Foundation (which was set up to provide early warnings of asteroids heading towards us) claim that since 2001, there have been 26 multi-kiloton asteroid explosions here on Earth!

Why haven’t we heard about them? Why hasn’t a city been destroyed? According to B612 CEO Ed Lu, it’s simply “Blind luck.”

(For more on this, go to www. b612foundation.org) Earth! Too! Finally, astronomers using the Kepler space telescope announced just days ago that they have discovered the most Earth-like exoplanet yet. Kepler-186f is just 1.1 times the radius of the Earth and it’s in orbit around a stable, slowburning star.

Plus, it’s right inside the star’s “habitable zone,” where temperatures are likely to result in liquid water, as opposed to boiling away or being frozen solid.

This is a major accomplishment for astronomers. Better yet, everywhere we look we see more and more planets. As we find more small, rocky worlds like our own, the chances of finding other life increases accordingly. (For more info, Google: “most earth like planet”) So, there you go. Just a few of the major scientific results reported in the last two months. Who knows what amazing things the rest of the year will bring?

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Artist rendering of a proposed light rail station in Durham, NC

“

Major changes in Chattanooga’s transportation system are coming, and for many in the city, they cannot get here too soon.”

MOVING ON:

Chattanooga’s transportation future looks to light rail

By Cliff Hightower

A new golden age of transportation could be on the horizon for Chattanooga.

It’s a vision of light rail that extends from downtown Chattanooga to Cleveland.

It’s a vision with a transportation center as the hub, located on the train tracks

8 • The Pulse • May 8-14, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

and bike paths criscrossing the city alongside existing roads. New bus routes will be in place, with some possibly stretching as far as Fort Oglethorpe and SoddyDaisy.

“A true multimodal system is a great vision,” said Me-

lissa Taylor, director of strategic long range planning for the Chattanooga-Hamilton County Regional Planning Agency.

This is a good thing for Chattanooga and the region.

Why? Because people want it.

In the 2040 Long Range Transportation Plan, conducted by the Chattanooga Area Transit Authority, almost 35 percent of respondents said more biking and walking options need to exist in the area and 31 percent said bus routes need expanding. This is in contrast to 23 percent of respondents who said, “widen roads”.

And CARTA, along with the city of Chattanooga, is delivering with the 2040 study.

All aboard for light rail “This is the first [study] I’ve seen with so much transit,” said Lisa Maragnano, CARTA’s executive director.

One of the first keys is a study on running light rail to Volkswagen. The city recently approved a study going forward with light rail. It’s a plan that could cost upward of $35 million. But Maragnano thinks it can be done.

“I think you’ll see that moving quickly,” she said. “It’s not that far out.”

Rail lines already exist that can be utilized, she said. The idea is to use these tracks to go from downtown to the airport and then to Enterprise South. Documents show the rail in the future could even go as far as Cleveland.

All officials are waiting for is a decision from a federal agency that would allocate $400,000 for a $700,000 study designed to help implement the light rail plan.

The 2040 plan identifies Enterprise South as a major factor because of the more than 10,000 employees who work there. It also lists Wacker in

Cleveland as important when looking at the region’s transportation network.

More sidewalks, more bike paths, more busses But consideration of future transportation does not end there. Hanging on the walls of CARTA is a series of maps that show transportation planning in the future, and these maps show gaps in public transit and pedestrian walkways. For example, sidewalk gaps exist in Fort Oglethorpe, St. Elmo, Westside, Red Bank, Hixson and North Chattanooga.

When planning maintenance on roads or building new roads, walkways and bike lanes will automatically be part of those plans.

The 2040 long-range plan boosts the funding for pedestrian and bicycle use and cuts the amount of funds for building roads. New road construction received a whopping 21 percent decrease, going from 51 percent of transportation funding to 30 percent.

Alternate transportation funding went up from 21 percent of the overall funding to to 28 percent of the Chattanooga Regional Transportation Authority’s funding, the agency set aside to control

most of the transportation needs within the area.

Blythe Bailey, the city’s transportation director, said Chattanooga is about to start its own sidewalk gap analysis, “There are a lot of places where the sidewalk ends,” he said.

While the TPO study shows a general overview of the gaps in walking areas in the region, the city study will be able to drill down into the details.

But it’s not a magic bullet, Bailey warned. It does not mean there will suddenly be a sidewalk built upon completion of the study. Drive Chattanooga streets and the problems become immediately apparent. Roads built years ago in once-rural areas have drainage ditches on both sides. Many areas across the city would be costly to retrofit, and it will take time.

“We’re not saying we’re going to change every mile of road in the city,” Bailey said. “But when we do change a road this will be implemented.”

For years, the way at looking at transportation was roads first and everything else second. Now, under the new ordinance, all things are equal, and when planning maintenance on roads or building new roads, walkways and bike lanes will automatically be part of those plans. Recent examples include Shallowford and Hamill roads where sidewalks were placed with the existing roads.

The 2040 plan also addresses an expansion in bussing by listing a new route that would run from Hamilton Place Mall to Soddy-Daisy. But the estimated cost of the route (priced with 2040 inflation in mind), at almost $250,000,000 may be too much for some to stomach. >> P.10 chattanoogapulse.com • May 8-14, 2014 • The Pulse • 9

“

Finally, a plan exists that focuses more on thinking outside the box than on just building more roads for more cars.”

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Maragno noted one thing that will certainly change are the city’s fixed bus routes. CARTA is conducting studies on the routes right now, looking at what routes are most used and what are least, she said. Once the transportation center is in place, there will be some tweaking and major overhauls to existing bus routes to help meet riders’ needs better, she said.

The city is moving full steam ahead on its bike options as well. A couple of years ago, Bike Chattanooga was created, and now tourists and residents can rent through the bikeshare program in numerous stalls across downtown Chattanooga.

Bike Chattanooga officials have said they plan to keep expanding the program. The idea is to try and provide more and more rentals available on the Tennessee Riverwalk. One day, these bicycles could cover the city from Enterprise South to down-

town to Brainerd.

These are all options on the table.

Further study and funding will have to come later. “I think this plan has a lot more projects in it that will not be implemented over a short period of time,” Taylor said.

Yet the vision is there as Chattanooga looks toward a new transportation model. Every day, more and more cars pile up on the ridge cut on Interstate 24. As the city grows, so does its traffic. Finally, a plan exists that focuses more on thinking outside the box than on just building more roads for more cars.

But it will be up to everyone to use the sidewalks, bike lanes and busses—and not just drive by them.

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CARTA, along with several partners, is in the preliminary stages of creating a new multimodal center that would focus all of the city and area’s transportation needs into onestop shopping. It will be part bus stop, part train station, and all inclusive for transportation.

Similar centers already exist throughout the U.S. and in Knoxville and Memphis.

Maragno said the hope would be to locate it along the light rail extending from from downtown to Enterprise South. But how Chattanooga’s particular center would look is yet to be determined.

“Is it going to be one large one?” she asked. “Two small ones? We don’t know.”

One thing is certain: Major changes in Chattanooga’s transportation system are coming, and for many in the city, they cannot get here too soon.

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Curating Tech Talent Lamp Post Group experiments with housing and creating community Lamp Post Group may be the most intriguing player in Chattanooga’s growing tech/entrepreneurial ecosystem. As a venture incubator, it combines the functions of two essential ecosystem pieces—venture capital and startup mentoring—like an ecosystem with an ecosystem. Now it’s working at both scales, helping both C h a t t a n o o g a ’s and its own needs by taking on some of the ecosystem’s biggest chalRICH lenges—talent recruitment and retention and downtown housing.

Lamp Post was created in 2010 by the founders of logistics company Access America to house its back office infrastructure—legal, accounting, HR, etc.—and to nurture more startups through both investment and by leveraging those back-office services.

In March, Lamp Post sold Access America for an undisclosed amount. Lamp Post is using that cash to invest in its current family of 15 portfolio companies, helping them hire and retain the kind of

highly qualified technology talent that can choose to live anywhere in the country.

Finding the right people is critical for any startup company, and Lamp Post has to do that for 15 small and growing companies.

Getting young tech talent to come to Chattanooga takes some creativity, but the hard part is keeping talent here.

In January, Lamp Post hired Tiffanie Robinson to create WayPaver, BAILEY an in-house talent innovation lab whose mission is to find and retain employees for Lamp Post’s companies.

“It’s got to be a lot more than going out and finding people, it’s got to be about curating them, too,” says Robinson, who is creating a series of experiments Lamp Post will launch in the next few weeks. One is a hack school for women.

“We have a huge tech talent deficit and we have a major issue with not having enough females in those roles,” says Robinson. Way-

Technology

Paver will address that problem “by creating a school that takes women, pulls them in, teaches them those skills, and then WayPaver places them into the Lamp Post portfolio companies.”

A second experiment will be an artist-in-residency program that connects an artist with each of Lamp Post’s tech teams to help solve business problems.

“Chattanooga takes a really awesome approach to art, but I wouldn’t say we’ve figured how to take the artist talent that’s here and help them flesh out the business community,” says Robinson.

“We have the ability to do that.

We have 15 portfolio companies that are basically a test bed for... what work is going to look like over the next 20 years.”

Another element crucial to talent retention is housing.

“We have already started test running a housing initiative,” says Robinson. “We have blocked off 10 apartments at The 300 on 6th Street for the talent that we pull into our companies. We place them there with a stipend that makes the rent about $400 a month. We’re also putting them all into the same space, where they can have collision points of meeting each other, building community with each other.”

As the experimental results come in, Lamp Post is interested in taking that idea to a larger scale,

“

Getting young tech talent to come to Chattanooga takes some creativity, but the hard part is keeping talent here.” but is not yet considering a building purchase. River City’s company’s purchase of the Ross Hotel a block away from Lamp Post’s headquarters at 8th and Market Street has gotten their attention, though. They might also place employees there with a corporate subsidy.

Subsidizing downtown housing for their employees goes beyond just checking off an item on a list of things a new hire needs. Lamp Post needs a vibrant downtown for its employees just as surely as downtown needs residents.

“By having more housing here, we can bring in more teams and help justify why they should relocate their companies here or start their companies here in Chattanooga,” says Robinson. “It’s a give-take. It’s about what Lamp Post needs as a company to thrive

but it also directly affects what Chattanooga needs as well to thrive.”

“We have to have a cool city to recruit the coolest developers,” adds Shelly Prevost, a partner in Lamp Post whose professional skills as a clinical psychologist are integral to creating high-functioning teams that deliver on the promise of their entrepreneurial ideas. “If you get the right infrastructure, which Tiffanie is working on, and you get the right people, then you get this magic happening. You need great restaurants, great bars, coffee shops.

You need coworking space where people can work and collaborate together. We don’t have the numbers that, say, San Francisco does, but we can create that density in city center. And then from that the developments tend to take care of themselves.”

WayPaver has already landed seven new employees and is working on 10 more positions. And this private talent program looks a lot like the kind of initiative community agencies have been talking about doing on a broader scale for all of Chattanooga.

“We want to partner and work with these entities, but we also want to be the mover,” says Prevost. “We have the luxury of going fast and doing what we believe needs to be done. I’d like to think that might spawn some activity.”

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12 • The Pulse • May 8-14, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

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CITY SCENE

Paying Tribute to Generation Before CathLena

Three Acoustic Pleasures Chattanooga Unplugged simmers and soothes One of the best places in town to be on Wednesday, May 14 will be Rhythm & Brews for Chattanooga Unplugged, featuring three outstanding local bands.

By now, most music lovers know Endelouz, with its self-described “soulful rhythms and jangling pop melodies tinged with elements of old-school R&B.” Jack Kirton, Joseph Berkley, Dennis Hubbard have just released the new EP New Southern Manifesto, so what better time and way to get your first taste, at least of the acoustic versions?

Joining them is Scarlett Love Conspiracy, “charismatic and energetic acoustic rock sprinkled with folk and Americana.” According to the band, “It’s all about feeling good and having a good time.” Sounds like a fine Wednes-

day night to us!

And last but definitely not least is pride of Dalton, GA CathLena, originally formed as an acoustic duo but now up to…well, more than two. CathLena’s been playing Atlanta on a regular basis to good receptions, so if they’re new to you, this would be your chance. The band describes themselves succinctly: “We. Love. Playing. Music. End of story really.”

What more do you need to know?

Chattanooga Unplugged: Endelouz.

Scarlett Love Conspiracy, CathLena Wed., May 14, 9:30 p.m., Rhythm & Brews 221 Market St. rhythm-brews.com — Staff

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9:30 p.m.

Rhythm & Brews 221 Market St. rhythm-brews.com

14 • The Pulse • May 8-14, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

T

IM BUCKLEY BEGAT JEFF BUCKLEY. BOB DYLAN begat Jakob Dylan. Tab Spencer begat Garrett Bourdon.

Three sons following in their father’s footsteps; three musicians, each finding their own voice. Plenty has already been written about the first two. The third duo is our subject today.

Music MARC T. MICHAEL

“

Somewhere, TN is music for music lovers, musicians and anyone whose musical palate is just a little more refined.”

In the ’70s, Tab Spencer was the stage name of a Nashville country songwriter. Today, Tab Spencer is the name of the band that belongs to that songwriter’s son, a token of respect and tribute to the musical gift passed down from one generation to the next. The men behind the band are Bourdon on vocals and guitar and Jack Kirton on pedal steel, harmonica and background vocals.

The fellows have just finished up their latest recording, a four-track EP featuring three tunes by Bourdon, one

by Kirton and the violin and piano of guest artist John Tunstall. When I say, “just finished”, I am being literal. This project was wrapped up just about 72 hours ago and as far as I know I am the first person to hear it who wasn’t actually involved in its creation. Now it is my job to tell you about it, gentle reader, and that’s no mean feat.

Is it folk? Well, sure, there are undeniably some folk elements. Is it country? Arguably, yes, but not commercial, wangy-twangy country, it’s something a little more mature than that. I hesitate to use the word “Americana” only because the term is used so freely and indiscriminately these days that it’s become almost meaningless BUT…if we subscribe to the AMA’s very specific definition, “contemporary music that incorporates elements of various

A Tiny Musical Treasure

Tab Spencer

American roots music styles” then, yes, that is absolutely what it is (but that still doesn’t tell us much).

In a nutshell, this collection of tunes reminds me of Townes Van Zandt. That’s very odd because none of the tunes sound specifically like Townes, but there is definitely some ineffable quality shared by Tab Spencer and one my favorite songwriters of all time. There is something of the workingman poet here.

“What’s the Reason” is the first track on the album (titled Somewhere, TN) and it is a flawless introduction to Tab Spencer. In his distinctive voice, Bourdon croons languidly over the confluence of violin, guitar and pedal steel. It is a concoction that is two

honest music

parts blue collar, three parts philosophy. It is a beautiful tune.

“Undiscovering America” is the next song, this one penned by Kirton whose talent has been written about in this column already. His prodigious writing ability filtered through Bourdon’s unique delivery is a great example of what happens when collaboration goes right.

“Somewhere, TN” is the titular track, an ode to loss and longing. I will say two things of this track: 1) Tunstall’s fiddle playing is outstanding. It was a good song already, but the fiddle really makes this one for me. 2) If Bourdon doesn’t own one of those denim and sheepskin coats, someone needs to buy him one. There’s some

powerful imagery in this tune.

“New York” rounds out the recording and it is the perfect bookend to the project, a powerful and emotional piece that seems to summarize everything that came before it in a sweet/ tragic resolution.

Somewhere, TN is music for music lovers, musicians and anyone whose musical palate is just a little more refined. It is a very intelligent piece of work, and I doubt it will be long before Richard Winham has it in heavy rotation during afternoon drive time.

In the meantime, you can find Tab Spencer at Barking Legs on May 29, the Honest Pint on June 16 and periodically at the Pickle Barrel (check Facebook for times and dates).

It’s small, it’s smoky, the booze flows freely and there MIGHT be room for two people on the stage (three if they’re all wearing skinny jeans and have a close relationship). It’s The Office, located at 901 Carter Street inside Days Inn. For years it was a rite of passage for aspiring singers and songwriters, the kind of place where you either won the crowd over early or were heckled out the door in short order.

These days the place hosts a revolving door of well-known local figures like Amber Fults, Jon Wimpee and Ryan Oyer.

Why would folks who are admittedly accustomed to playing larger venues wait in line to play a place smaller than the average basement?

Because there are things you get from playing to a crowd of 20 people that you can’t get from 200 or 2,000. Maybe it’s nostalgia or sentimentality but there is a cool factor to playing that tiny room that’s hard to find elsewhere. It doesn’t hurt that the bartenders are great and the drinks are powerful.

With so many musicians getting their start in hole-in-the-wall joints like this, it is supremely satisfying to know that Thomas Wolfe was wrong; sometimes you can go home again.

If you’re looking to get up close and personal with the local scene, swing by The Office, order an adult beverage and settle in. Something cool is about to happen.

— MTM

local and regional shows

Opposite Box, The Mumbles, The River Rats [$5] Darkhorse Ten with Ironchief [$5]

Thu, May 8 9pm Thu, May 15 9pm

Live Trivia every Sunday afternoon from 4-6pm Free Live Music every Sunday evening starting at 7pm

Full food menu serving lunch and dinner.

11am-2am, 7 days a week.

35 Patten Parkway * 423.468.4192 thehonestpint.com * facebook.com/TheHonestPint

chattanoogapulse.com • May 8-14, 2014 • The Pulse • 15

LIVE MUSIC

MAY

8 STRUNG A HORSE FRI 10p 9 MACHINES ARE SAT 10p 10 CHATT UNPLUGGED WED 9:30p 14 CHATT UNPLUGGED THU 9:30p 15 BACK IN BLACK FRI 9:30p 16 BABY LAYLA BENEFIT SAT 8p 17 DANK SINATRA LIKE

THU PARTY TIME AT RHYTHM & BREWS! 9:30p

with ROLLING NOWHERE

with SMOOTH DIALECTS

PEOPLE TOO

ENDELOUZ, SLC, CATHLENA

ISCARIOTS, BEHOLD THE BRAVE, PLVNET A TRIBUTE TO AC/DC

FEATURING DAVEY SMITH BAND

5.23 SMOOTH DIALECTS 5.24 THE MATT STEPHENS PROJECT

COMING IN JUNE

MURDER BY DEATH WED 9:30p BROODING ORCHESTRAL INDIE ROCK

AGORI TRIBE

THU PSYCHEDELIC SPACE ISLAND FUNK 10p

4

5

MUSIC CALENDAR

CHATTANOOGA

thursday5.8 Songwriter Shootout 7 p.m.

The Camp House 1427 Williams St. thecamphouse.com The Roadrunners 7 p.m.

Bart’s Lakeshore 5840 Lake Resort Ter. bartslakeshore.com Opposite Box, The Mumbles, The River Rats 8 p.m.

The Honest Pint 35 Patten Pkwy. thehonestpint.com An Evening with 311 8 p.m.

Track 29 1400 Market St. track29.com Open Mic with Hap Henniger 9 p.m.

The Office 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn).

(423) 634-9191 Dank Sinatra 9:30 p.m.

Rhythm & Brews 221 Market St. rhythm-brews.com Mood Rings, SACCO 10 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd. jjsbohemia.com

friday5.9

ALL SHOWS 21+ UNLESS OTHERWISE NOTED • NON-SMOKING VENUE

221 MARKET STREET HOT MUSIC • FINE BEER • GREAT FOOD

BUY TICKETS ONLINE • RHYTHM-BREWS.COM

The Old Time Travelers, Old Time Music 11 a.m.

Rock City Gardens

16 • The Pulse • May 8-14, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

An Evening with 311 1400 Patten Rd., Lookout Mountain, Ga., Café 7 Stage. seerockcity.com Matt’s Friday Jam 5:30 p.m.

Julie Darling Donuts 121 Frazier Ave. (423) 591-3737 Packway Handle Band, Dismembered Tenesseans 7 p.m.

Miller Plaza 850 Market St. nightfallchattanooga.com Annie Moses Band 7:30 p.m.

Grace Baptist Church 7815 Shallowford Rd. (423) 892-4869 Adventure Club 8 p.m.

Track 29 1400 Market St. track29.com Before the Trial 8 p.m.

Cloud Springs Deli

Pulse pick: Machines are People Too The band's eclectic sound and progressive music creates a live show that leaves no toes untapped and will leave you with no other choice but to let go and dance.

Machines are People Too Saturday, May 10 10 p.m.

Rhythm & Brews 221 Market St. rhythm-brews.com

4097 Cloud Springs Rd., Ringgold, GA. (706) 956-8128 Official SpecTaters Reunion Bash with Shani Palmer and The Lowdown 8 p.m.

Acoustic Cafe 61 RBC Dr., Ringgold, Ga. (706) 965-2065 ringgoldacoustic.com 6 String Suga Daddy 8 p.m.

The Brew and Cue 5017 Rossville Blvd.

(423) 867-9402 Robby Hopkins 8 p.m.

The Tavern 12130 Dayton Pike, Soddy Daisy.

(423) 401-7234 Rick Rushing and the Blues Strangers 8 p.m.

The Foundry 1201 Broad St.,

chattanooganhotel.com Sam Warner 9 p.m.

The Office 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn).

(423) 634-9191 Chattanooga Organized Grime presents: Adventure Club AfterParty 10 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd. jjsbohemia.com Strung Like a Horse, Rolling Nowhere 10 p.m.

Rhythm & Brews 221 Market St. rhythm-brews.com

saturday5.10 The Old Time Travelers, Old Time Music 11 a.m.

Rock City Gardens 1400 Patten Rd., Lookout Mountain, Ga., Café 7 Stage. seerockcity.com Soul Mechanic 11 a.m.

Chattanooga River Market Tennessee Aquarium Plaza, 1 Broad St. chattanoogarivermarket.com A Man Called Bruce Noon.

Hubfest at Heritage Park 1428 Jenkins Rd. The Do Rights 12:30 p.m.

Chattanooga River Market Tennessee Aquarium Plaza, 1 Broad St. chattanoogarivermarket.com Ryan Oyer

MUSIC CALENDAR

Ghost 3 p.m.

Hubfest at Heritage Park 1428 Jenkins Rd. Ghost 7 p.m.

Track 29 1400 Market St. track29.com John Lathim, Michelle Young 7 p.m.

Magoo’s 3658 Ringgold Rd., East Ridge.

(423) 867-1351 The Breather, Come the Dawn, Gift Giver 7 p.m.

Cloud Springs Deli 4097 Cloud Springs Rd., Ringgold, Ga. (706) 956-8128 Jimmy Harris on the Baby Grand 7 p.m.

The Palms at Hamilton 6925 Shallowford Rd. thepalmsathamilton.com Sue & The Honky Tonk Boys 8 p.m.

The Brew and Cue 5017 Rossville Blvd.

(423) 867-9402 Gabriel Newell 9 p.m.

The Office 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn).

(423) 634-9191 Stereodig, The Average 10 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd. jjsbohemia.com Machines are People Too, Smooth Dialects 10 p.m.

Rhythm & Brews 221 Market St. rhythm-brews.com

Thee FiNKS, Sandal Stomp, Ol’ Scratch 10 p.m.

Sluggo’s 501 Cherokee Blvd.

(423) 753-5224

sunday5.11 The Old Time Travelers, Old Time Music 11 a.m.

Rock City Gardens 1400 Patten Rd., Lookout Mountain, Ga., Café 7 Stage. seerockcity.com Play Along with the Chattanooga Symphony 1 p.m.

The Chattanooga Market First Tennessee Pavilion 1829 Carter St. chattanoogamarket.com Live Irish Music 7 p.m.

The Honest Pint 35 Patten Pkwy. thehonestpint.com Jack Williams 8 p.m.

Charles and Myrtle’s Coffeehouse 105 McBrien Rd. christunity.org Blind Draw 9 p.m.

Bud’s Sports Bar 5751 Brainerd Rd. budssportsbar.com

monday5.12 Music Monday 7 p.m.

Pasha Coffee and Tea 3914 St Elmo Ave.

(423) 475-5482 Southside Casual Classics presents: Jay Craven and Jim Plamour 7:30 p.m.

The Camp House 1427 Williams St. thecamphouse.com Brit Floyd “World’s Greatest Pink Floyd Show” 8 p.m.

Memorial Auditorium 399 McCallie Ave. chattanoogaonstage.com Big Band Night 9:30 p.m.

The Palms at Hamilton 6925 Shallowford Rd. thepalmsathamilton.com

tuesday5.13 Tegan and Sara 7 p.m.

Track 29 1400 Market St.. track29.com Mama Dear, Go Down Moses 7 p.m.

The Camp House 1427 Williams St. thecamphouse.com Wendell Matthews Acoustic 7 p.m.

The North Chatt Cat 346 Frazier Ave. (423) 266-9466 Chattanooga Songwriters Association presents Jamion Williams, Bob Deyoung, Jennifer Brumlow and Callie Harmon aka The Quote Unquotes 7 p.m.

Heritage House 1428 Jenkins Rd. Open Mic with Mike McDade

9 p.m.

Tremont Tavern 1203 Hixson Pk. tremonttavern.com Circle Takes the Square, Lost Limbs, Tir Asleen 10 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd., jjsbohemia.com

wednesday5.14 Josh Gilbert 5 p.m.

First Tennessee Pavilion 1829 Carter St. chattanoogamarket.com Tanner Hills 7 p.m.

The Camp House 1427 Williams St. thecamphouse.com Jordan Hallquist 7:30 p.m.

Jack A’s Chop Shop Saloon 742 Ashland Terr. jackaschopshopsaloon.com Chattanooga Unplugged: Endelouz. Scarlett Love Conspiracy, CathLena 9:30 p.m.

Rhythm & Brews 221 Market St. rhythm-brews.com Shabti, Delta Nine 10 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd. jjsbohemia.com

901 Carter St (Inside Days Inn) 423-634-9191 Thursday, May 8: 9pm Open Mic with Hap Henninger Friday, May 9: 9pm Sam Warner Saturday, May 10: 10pm Gabriel Newell Tuesday, May 13: 7pm

Server/Hotel Appreciation Night $5 Pitchers $2 Wells $1.50 Domestics ●

●

All shows are free with dinner or 2 drinks!

Stop by & check out our daily specials!

Happy Hour: Mon-Fri: 4-7pm $1 10oz drafts, $3 32oz drafts, $2 Wells, $1.50 Domestics, Free Appetizers

Join us on Facebook daily lunCh & drink speCials!

The only place in Town where you can sing karaoke anyTime.

Book your Birthday, anniversary or oFFiCe parties now!

410 market • (423) 757-wing

singitorwingit-chattanooga.com

Map these locations on chattanoogapulse.com. Send event listings at least 10 days in advance to: calendar@ chattanoogapulse.com chattanoogapulse.com • May 8-14, 2014 • The Pulse • 17

Record Reviews

ernie paik

Pushing the Boundaries of Music-Meets-Art Jazz purists beware, indie lovers rejoice BLUSH LINGERIE, MARIE JO AND ELOMI

ELLIE’S FINE LINGERIE Bra Fitting Specialists Hard to Find Sizes Sleepwear & Bridal Collections After Hours Parties Available WAREHOUSE ROW 1110 MARKET ST. • SUITE 117A WWW.ELLIESLINGERIE.COM

Chicago Underground Duo Locus (Northern Spy)

T

ChowBeeps Keep up to date with the latest restaurant specials, deals and so much more.

Follow us on Twitter @chowbeeps

he new album Locus from the Chicago Underground Duo, now in its 17th year of existence, is a demonstration of a way-left-of-center jazz album that goes so far that it doesn’t really sound like jazz anymore.

Cornetist Rob Mazurek, also of the superb ensembles Exploding Star Orchestra and Starlicker, and percussionist Chad Taylor, who leads the outfit Circle Down and plays with guitarist Marc Ribot, comprise the duo, which originally developed from the “Chicago Underground” avant-garde jazz workshop started by Mazurek in the mid-’90s.

Locus finds the band working with engineer John McEntire, best known as one of the drummers of Tortoise, and perhaps Tortoise’s exploratory work is a good point of comparison— heavy on the rhythms and synthetic melodies and typically not landing squarely within a single genre.

18 • The Pulse • May 8-14, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

Various Artists Fits (Life Like)

The killer title, opening track matches a funk beat with a thick, sticky synth envelope sound sucking in and out, and it’s followed by “Boss,” which builds in intensity with jungle-influenced acoustic drumming, light electronic squeals that bounce between the ears, a smooth synth bass pattern and a sound-treated cornet melody that disintegrates.

“The Human Economy” is hard to pin down, with a pitterpatter of technology, a looming backbone and echoing brass notes, and “Yaa Yaa Kole” is a stirring cover of the Ghanian song by Pan African Orchestra with disorienting polyrhythmic threads that ramp up to an even higher energy level at the end, with distorted drums and a frantic Harmon-muted horn solo.

The amorphous “House of the Axe” has a mean, dirty sound (think Embryonic by The Flaming Lips) with electronic bubblings that violently boil over, and one of the best tracks is the

closer, “Dante,” a furious track with menacing synth tones, a warped, shrieking cornet and piano chords supplying the only semblance of order—it’s like a free jazz version of a horror soundtrack by Goblin.

Jazz purists wouldn’t touch this stuff with a ten-foot pole, but for those who love to hear musical boundaries being stretched and mangled, ruthlessly, Locus hits the spot.

T

he limited edition ninevolume cassette series Fits on the Life Like tape label, centered on the Michigan underground scene, is a multi-media project with a simple premise.

Each tape’s artwork was reproduced as a silk-screened print as part of an Ann Arbor art installation in January and February, and every 15-minute cassette pairs two different artists who “fit together in some way” as described by the label, be it in a harmonic

or more unusual way.

This writer confesses to being a Saturday Looks Good to Me completist, and that band’s contribution is a highlight, providing a haunting, minimal cover of Sky Ferreira’s “Everything is Embarrassing” with electric piano notes, a simple time-keeping beat and tender female vocals with cavernous reverb; it’s paired with Tyvek’s “Life Outside” which uses jumpy, slacker lo-fi garage rock slashes.

“Godzilla of Snow” by Windy & Carl is in the duo’s typically welcoming, soothing treatedguitar bliss-out style with gentle pulses nudging the song along gingerly, and Dean Allen Spunt’s oddball track on the B side uses a maddening homemade facsimile of a factory rhythm.

A standout in the series is the glistening instrumental hiphop song “Turquoise Boys” from Mild $auce, with samples of ocean waves and comforting electronics, and Sylvan Lanes’ strum-and-sing cover of Semisonic’s late-’90s hit “Closing Time” manages to strip away a little of its corniness but doesn’t quite transcend the “ironic indie cover” status.

Ian Svenonius (Chain and the Gang, Nation of Ulysses) appears under the moniker Escape-ism, not sounding like a James Brown homage, but more like a basement tape with Jad Fair-esque rambles and a sloppy method.

Stylistically, the series is all over the place, from abstract noise and ambient moments to more structured pop/rock tunes, and although everyone probably wouldn’t be expected to enjoy it all—in particular, the spokenword experiments drag down the more vibrant songs—there’s likely something for every indieleaning listener.

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chattanoogapulse.com • May 8-14, 2014 • The Pulse • 19

ART SCENE

Symphonic For A Day in May

I

Hang Out with HubFest

T SEEMS INTIMIDATING: THE BRIGHT LIGHTS LINing the marquee, the grand hall, and a proscenium stage filled with impeccably dressed instrumentalists playing classical music. But the symphony isn’t just for the overly sophisticated. It’s available for all, with a wealth of diverse offerings for Chattanoogans to wet their symphonic whistle.

Music and fun for the whole family at Heritage House In Chattanooga, there is always something going on outdoors. On Saturday, May 10, one such event is HubFest, a free festival that showcases local musical talent, small businesses, service organizations, vendors and sponsors.

Back for its eighth year, HubFest also supports Heritage Park, Heritage House, and Chattanooga’s parks system. According to organizers, “HubFest has grown with the support of many who believe a well-maintained park is in the best interests of the community.”

This year’s festival starts at 10 a.m. rain or shine, at Heritage Park in East Brainerd, and continues until 4 p.m.

With a parade at 11 a.m., a presenta-

tion of the Colors by the United States Naval Sea Cadets at 11:30 a.m. and two stages of entertainment from local musicians and performers starting at 12:15 p.m., this year’s festival offers something for everyone.

Not only is there a range of performers taking the stage, from musicians to dancers, but HubFest offers activities throughout the day for children of all ages, including horseback rides, puppet shows, balloon animals, train rides and inflatables. Oh, and did we mention there’s food?

Heritage Park and Heritage House are located at 1428 Jenkins Rd., just off East Brainerd Rd. — Madeline Chambliss

THU5.8

frI5.9

SAT5.10

MUSIC & POETRY

FOLLOW DREAMS

OLD SCHOOL PRESS

River City Sessions

“Tick, Tick...BOOM!”

Chattanooga Zine Fest

The River City Sessions is a collaboration of poets, authors, storytellers and musicians whose work honors life in the South.

Local and regional acts join together to deliver a variety of entertainment, all paying homage to “The South.”

7 p.m.

The Camp House 1427 Williams St. thecamphouse.com

The only other musical by the late Jonathan Larson, known for his smash modern opera "Rent". This autobiographical tale looks at the courage it takes to follow your dreams as you face the looming age of 30.

7:30 p.m.

Theater for the New South UTC Fine Arts Center Vine & Palmetto Sts. (423) 503-0589 theaterforthenewsouth.com

People all over the world make zines and have for many years. The Chattanooga Library is celebrating and showcasing some of the best local and regional zine-makers they could find as part of a new permanent exhibit.

10 a.m.

Chattanooga Public Library 1001 Broad St. (423) 757-5310 chattlibrary.org

20 • The Pulse • May 8-14, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

Arts HAYLEY GRAHAM

“

In order to distinguish the CSO members from the community players, the former will perform in black T-shirts, the latter in red, letting them steal the spotlight.

There’s something to be said for rock and roll, for country and bluegrass, but if you’ve never ventured into the world of classical music, there’s no time like the present—the hands-on present.

In this spirit, the lights of the Tivoli, the starched collars, slacks and dresses, will give way to bright sunshine, T-shirts and blue jeans. For the second year, the Chattanooga Symphony Orchestra has invited musicians from the community to join professional members of the CSO in the event “Play Along with the CSO” at the Chattanooga Market on Mother’s Day, May 11.

The CSO, conducted by Music Director Kayoko Dan, consists of top players from the Chattanooga area as well as from across the country. The community musicians, some who have played in bands or orchestras in their earlier lives or who have chosen alternate careers but still carry a torch for making music, come from all walks of life, and range in age from 18 to 90 years old.

“It’s such a wide variety of ages.

We think that’s cool,” says Samantha Teter, director of marketing and corporate partnerships for the CSO. The CSO is excited to welcome these community members to share the stage with their veteran professionals, she explains, and to introduce Chattanoogans to something they may not

Photo courtesy CSO

otherwise experience. Musicians will play in one of three performances on the First Tennessee Pavilion stage, at 1 p.m., 2 p.m. and 3 p.m.

Music to be presented includes: Grieg’s Suite No. 1 from “Peer Gynt”, Movement 4: “In the Hall of the Mountain King”; Elgar’s Variation IX (Nimrod) from “Enigma Variations”; Copland’s “Hoe-Down” from “Rodeo”; and John Williams’ “Imperial March” from “Star Wars”.

This year, in contrast with last year’s event, participants receive coaching from the principal players, allowing the community players to gain a little extra confidence (and encouragement). In order to distinguish the CSO members from the community players, the former will perform in black T-shirts, the latter in red, letting them steal the spotlight.

“It’s a fun event. The musicians really like it,” Teter says. Plus, she mentions, “the Market’s very excited to have us out there.”

Members of the Chattanooga Symphony Orchestra Youth Orchestra ensembles will be showcasing their talents as well inside the First Tennessee Pavilion at 11:30 a.m. and 12:10 p.m. They will also present an instrument “petting zoo” from 1 - 3:30 p.m.

“Play Along With the CSO” is modeled after a similar event put on by the Baltimore Symphony, called “Rusty

Musicians”, and much like that program, is intended to build community and foster a greater interest in and appreciation for the symphony orchestra.

Though she is quick to point out that the CSO would not be viable without the support of the community through ticket sales and donations, Teter says, “We’re trying to find more ways to get the symphony to connect to the community…connect with the audience,” but without funding, community events are much less feasible.

“We try to do events like this to create more awareness. The symphony is here in town for them. We’re here for the community. Whether or not [those who attend the “Play Along” event] ever end up being ticket buyers, we still want them to experience the symphony and hear us perform,” Teter says.

“Play Along With the CSO” is an exhilerating experience for musicians and music lovers alike, and an opportunity for a community that may not be as well-versed in symphonic performances to get a taste of the beauty, power and relatability of the CSO. And it’s a great Mother’s Day out!

If you like what you hear, be sure to visit the CSO’s website, chattanoogasymphony.org, for information on upcoming performances, community events and other opportunities to support the Chattanooga Symphony. chattanoogapulse.com • May 8-14, 2014 • The Pulse • 21

National Geographic, USA 101

ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

“One of America’s Top 101 places to visit”

thursday5.8

for more info call 706.820.2531

SeeRockCity.com

Each Season, New Reason!

For less than the cost of two single admissions to Rock City, you can come back again and again... for FREE!

Art Wise: Distinguished Speakers at the Hunter presents Lalla Essaydi 6 p.m.

Hunter Museum 10 Bluff View.

(423) 267-0968 huntermuseum.org Moccasin Bend Historical Bicycle Tour 6 p.m.

Outdoor Chattanooga 200 River St. (423) 643-6888 outdoorchattanooga.com Chattanooga Forward Public Meeting 6 p.m.

Rivermont Elementary 3330 Hixson Pike artsbuild.com River City Sessions: Southern Music, Poetry & Storytelling 7 p.m.

The Camp House 1427 Williams St. thecamphouse.com “Rumors” 7:30 p.m.

Ensemble Theatre Eastgate Town Center 5600 Brainerd Rd. (423) 602-8640, ensembletheatreofchattanooga.com Chris Tucker 7:30 p.m.

The Comedy Catch 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 639-2233 thecomedycatch.com

friday5.9 2014 Spring for Life 9 a.m.

Camp Jordan Arena 1517 Tombras Ave. (423) 490-0078 eastridgeparksandrec.com Sleep in the Deep Family Sleepover

22 • The Pulse • May 8-14, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

Chris Tucker 6 p.m.

Tennessee Aquarium 1 Broad St. tnaqua.com Chattanooga Girls Choir Spring Concert 7 p.m.

Ridgedale Baptist Church 1831 Hickory Valley Rd. (423) 499-0994 chattanoogagirlschoir.com “Rumors” 7:30 p.m.

Ensemble Theatre Eastgate Town Center 5600 Brainerd Rd. (423) 602-8640, ensembletheatreofchattanooga.com “Tick, Tick...BOOM!” 7:30 p.m.

Theater for the New South UTC Fine Arts Center, Vine & Palmetto Sts. (423) 503-0589 theaterforthenewsouth.com Chris Tucker 7:30, 9:30 p.m.

The Comedy Catch 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 639-2233

Pulse pick: Thomas the Tank Engine It's a really big engine with a really big smile... and it's really real. One of the most beloved trains comes to life for a day.

Day Out with Thomas the Tank Engine Saturday, 9 a.m.

Tennessee Valley Railroad 4119 Cromwell Rd. (423) 894-8028 tvrail.com

thecomedycatch.com “Sleeping Beauty” 7:30 p.m.

Chattanooga Theatre Centre 400 River St., (423) 267-8734 theatrecentre.com

saturday5.10 Day Out with Thomas the Tank Engine 9 a.m.

Tennessee Valley Railroad 4119 Cromwell Rd. (423) 894-8028 tvrail.com Spring For Life Outdoor Festival 9 a.m.

Camp Jordan Amphitheater Camp Jordan Pkwy.

(423) 892-0803 springforlife.org HubFest 2014 10 a.m.

Heritage Park 1428 Jenkins Rd. (423) 903-0647 Mother’s Day Artist Demonstration

with Mary Lynn Portera 10 a.m.

River Gallery 400 E. Second St. (423) 265-5033 river-gallery.com Chattanooga Zine Fest 10 a.m.

Chattanooga Public Library 1001 Broad St. (423) 757-5310 chattlibrary.org Chattanooga Craft Beer Festival Noon.

First Tennessee Pavilion 1826 Reggie White Blvd.

(423) 266-4041 Eastgate Saturday Cinema: “Thor: The Dark World” 2:30 p.m.

Eastgate Public Library 5705 Marlin Rd., Ste. 1500.

(423) 855-2689 chattlibrary.org/eastgate-library Paddling by Moonlight 7 p.m.

Chattanooga Arboretum and Nature Center 400 Garden Rd. (423) 821-1160 chattanoogaanc.org “Rumors” 7:30 p.m.

Ensemble Theatre Eastgate Town Center 5600 Brainerd Rd. (423) 602-8640, ensembletheatreofchattanooga.com “Tick, Tick...BOOM!” 7:30 p.m.

Theater for the New South UTC Fine Arts Center, Vine & Palmetto Sts. (423) 503-0589 theaterforthenewsouth.com Backstage Bash!

7:30 p.m.

Chattanooga Theatre Centre 400 River St. (423) 267-8534 theatrecentre.com Chris Tucker 7:30, 9:30 p.m.

ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

"Twenty Original American Etchings" The Comedy Catch 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 639-2233 thecomedycatch.com MES Presents: “Journey to the West: Conquering the Demons” 8:30 p.m.

Barking Legs Theater 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347 barkinglegs.org Camp Chair Cinema Series 9 p.m.

Greenway Farm Park 5051 Gann Store Rd. northchick.org

sunday5.11 Chattanooga Market 11 a.m.

First Tennessee Pavilion 1826 Reggie White Blvd.

(423) 267-8383 chattanoogamarket.com Mother’s Day Luncheon Cruise 1 p.m.

Southern Belle Riverboat 201 Riverfront Pkwy., #2 (423) 266-4488 chattanoogariverboat.com “Play Along With the CSO” 1 p.m.

Chattanooga Market First Tennessee Pavilion 1826 Reggie White Blvd.

(423) 267-8383 chattanoogamarket.com “Rumors” 2:30 p.m.

Ensemble Theatre Eastgate Town Center 5600 Brainerd Rd. (423) 602-8640, ensembletheatreofchattanooga.com Mother’s Day on the River 5 p.m.

Southern Belle Riverboat 201 Riverfront Pkwy., #2.

(423) 266-4488 chattanoogariverboat.com

monday5.12 “Psalms of the City” 5:30 p.m.

ReCreate Cafe 800 McCallie Ave. (423) 756-1023 csarmy.org Adaptive Cycling 6 p.m.

Hubert Fry Center 4301 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 697-1345 On the Road and on the Trail: Adventure Cycling, Rails-toTrails and America Walks 6 p.m.

Outdoor Chattanooga 200 River St. (423) 643-6888 outdoorchattanooga.com

tuesday5.13 Bicycle Tourism, Trail Development and Connectivity 10 a.m.

Chattanooga Public Library 1001 Broad St. (423) 643-6888 chattlibrary.org Chattanooga Writers’ Guild 6 p.m.

Chattanooga Public Library 1001 Broad St. (423) 757-5310 chattanoogawritersguild.org

wednesday5.14 Wednesday Art Table at NorthGate Library 3 p.m.

Northgate Public Library 278 NorthGate Mall Dr. (423) 870-0635 chattlibrary.org/northgate-library Rapid Learning Intro to Kayak and Roll Practice 6 p.m.

Outdoor Chattanooga 200 River St. (423) 643-6888 outdoorchattanooga.com Wednesday Night Chess Club 6 p.m.

Chattanooga Public Library 1001 Broad St. (423) 757-5310 chattlibrary.org Seventh Annual Jewish Film Series: “Bethlehem” 7 p.m.

Jewish Cultural Center 5461 N. Terrace Rd. (423) 493-0270 jewishchattanooga.com

ongoing “Cock and Bull” The Paintings of Michael Holsomback and Ken Page Graffiti 505 Cherokee Blvd., (423) 400-9797 hillcityart.com “Twenty Original American Etchings” The Hunter Museum of Art 10 Bluff View.

(423) 267-0968 huntermuseum.org “East Asian Inspired Art: 7 Artists” North River Civic Center, 1009 Executive Dr., Hixson.

(423) 870-8924 “From The Earth” Reflection Gallery 5600 Brainerd Rd. (423) 892-3072 reflectionsgalleryTN.com “Materials Intertwined” River Gallery 400 E. Second St. (423) 265-5033 rivergallery.com “Bright Ideas: African American Inventors & Inventions” Bessie Smith Cultural Center 200 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-8658 bessiesmithcc.org “The Fine Art of Jazz“

Bessie Smith Cultural Center 200 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-8658 bessiesmithcc.org “African American Art: Harlem Renaissance Civil Rights Era and Beyond” Hunter Museum 10 Bluff View.

(423) 267-0968 huntermuseum.org “The Seasoned Eye: A Celebration of Artists Working 20+ Years” AVA Gallery 30 Frazier Ave. (423) 265-4282 avarts.org “New Work—40 Years Exhibit” In-Town Gallery 26A Frazier Ave. (423) 267-9214 intowngallery.com Over Here and Over There: Georgia and Georgians in World War II 6th Calvary Museum 6 Barnhardt Cir., Fort Oglethorpe, GA., (706) 861-2860 “Cut” Glass Exhibition

by Kerrick Johnson Shuptrine Fine Art Group 2646 Broad St., (423) 266-4453 shuptrinefineartgroup.com “Member's Choice” The Gallery at Blackwell 351 Eastgate Loop (423) 648-8001 blackwellautoinc.com Rock City Raptors Rock City 1400 Patten Rd. Lookout Mtn., GA (706) 820-2531 seerockcity.com

Map these locations on chattanoogapulse.com. Send event listings at least 10 days in advance to: calendar@ chattanoogapulse.com.

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chattanoogapulse.com • May 8-14, 2014 • The Pulse • 23

FILM SCENE

Weaving Off Course “

Conquering The Demons Mise En Scenesters take a "Journey to the West" The merry band of film lovers at Mise En Scenesters present an unusual film that tells a story centered on Tang Sanzang, a Buddhist trying to protect a village from three demons, his emerging feelings for Miss Duan, the demon hunter who helps him repeatedly, and Sanzang's transformative encounter with the Monkey King.

The film, directed by Stephen Chow and Derek Kwok Chi-Kin, is a loose comedic re-interpretation of the novel Journey to the West, a Chinese literary classic written by Wu Cheng'en.

Achieving a 92 percent "fresh" rating on the Rotten Tomatoes film re-

✴✴✴✴✴

T

HE SPIRIT” REMAINS THE WORST COMIC BOOK movie I’ve ever seen—but “The Amazing Spider-man 2” might be the most boring. I was not impressed by the Andrew Garfield/“Ultimate Spiderman” inspired re-boot from 2012.

view website, "Journey to the West: Conquering the Demons" is described as a "sweet, silly, action-packed and ridiculous as director Steven Chow's best work...serving up dazzling action sequences while playing its disparate elements against each other with thrilling abandon."

MES Presents: “Journey to the West: Conquering the Demons” Saturday, May 10, 8:30 p.m.

Barking Legs Theater 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347 barkinglegs.org

NEW IN THEATERS

✴✴✴✴✴

Neighbors

Chef

A couple with a newborn baby face unexpected difficulties after they are forced to live next to a fraternity house, in Seth Rogen's hard-R comedy debut.

Director: Nicholas Stoller Stars: Seth Rogen, Rose Byrne, Zac Efron, Lisa Kudrow

A chef who loses his restaurant job starts up a food truck in an effort to reclaim his creative promise, while piecing back together his estranged family.

Director: Jon Favreau Stars: Jon Favreau, Robert Downey Jr., Scarlett Johansson, Dustin Hoffman

24 • The Pulse • May 8-14, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

Screen JOHN DEVORE

“

There is an unwritten rule for bad superhero movies that states all movies need to be nearly three hours long and stuffed with villains.”

Unless Sony is willing to sell the rights back to Marvel Studios and allow the character of Spider-man to interact with the likes of Tony Stark and Steven Rogers, the franchise is never going to be better than the first two Sam Raimi films featuring Toby McGuire. Garfield’s Spider-man, and his surrounding world, is too centered in pop culture insignificance, too cool for its own good, and simply too teenage.

It’s baffling to me how a Spider-man film can completely ignore the importance of Uncle Ben and shift the focus of Peter Parker’s motivations to his parents, who never featured very heavily into the original comics. It changes the tone of the origin, making it conspiratorial rather than tragic. Additionally, J. Jonah Jameson is never seen and his influence barely registers in the film.

Understandably, there will never be another person who can play the role like J.K. Simmons, but the absence of the character is noticeable. Most of these complaints are rooted in the retreat from Steve Ditko-style storytelling and there are plenty of “Ultimate Marvel” fans out there who are likely pleased with the outcome. But the film suffers from more than just stylistic differences.

At its heart it has the same problems as “Spider-man 3,” namely, too many villains, static characters, and one long, boring, hokey love story.

The film starts off with a car chase (this is an American movie, after all). Someone bald and angry (Paul Giamatti) has stolen some plutonium. Throughout the movie, NYC throws so many police cars

at their problems that the Blues Brothers might find it excessive. Spider-man shows up to take care of business and does so in spectacular CGI fashion. To the film’s credit, many of the sequences where Spider-man does Spider-man things are truly impressive.

While the major battle towards the end of the film smacks of video game nonsense, the scenes on the city streets are thrilling and fun. It’s too bad that the majority of the film is filled with a teen melodrama rife with eye-rolling dialogue like, “I break up with you, Peter. I break up with you.” The romance between Gwen Stacy and Peter Parker is as unappealing as anything found in “Twilight” and I couldn’t have been happier when the relationship met its ultimate conclusion.

The plot involves Oscorp, of course, Spider-man’s root of all evil. A lowly electrical engineer (Jamie Foxx) transforms into Electro through an accident involving electric eels (No, really! Stop laughing!). The electricity-wielding villain takes on Spider-man for some reason or another and Spider-man fights back with water and magnetism. Even by comic book standards, the science here is pretty ridiculous.

But it’s not as ridiculous as the lack of chemistry between the leads. In an attempt at injecting irony into the film, most of their dialogue concerns Peter hoping to protect Gwen from his enemies after a promise made to her father in the previous film. Comic book fans

h.

and anyone who has ever seen a movie before know where this will end up. It’s exhausting and dull and robs the climax of any emotional impact (the impact itself is more of a relief than anything else).

Also in the film is Harry Osborne, pre-Green Goblin, who suffers from a genetic disease that will eventually kill him. He has learned that a potential cure rests in the genetic research done on spiders by Oscorp, the same research that led to the creation of Spider-man.

Harry, not unreasonably, requests that Spider-man assist him by providing blood for further testing. Spider-man refuses Harry, doesn’t really explain himself, and jumps out the window.

Spider-man is kind of a dick. This subplot could have easily been its own movie. If it had, it would have been a better one than the main plot. But there is an unwritten rule for bad superhero movies that states all movies need to be nearly three hours long and stuffed with villains. This way nothing is developed effectively and more merchandise can be sold.

The only thing that can save the Spider-man franchise is Marvel Studios.

Ultimately, “The Amazing Spider-man 2” will probably be a financial success, keeping the property firmly in the hands of Sony. Comic book fans will suffer, but eventually this comic book fad will run its course. Or Sony will realize that with great power comes great responsibility.

I doubt it.

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chattanoogapulse.com • May 8-14, 2014 • The Pulse • 25

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26 • The Pulse • May 8-14, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

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Diversions

Consider This with Dr. Rick

by Dr. Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D.

“Imagine peace. Imagine love. Imagine oneness. Imagine whatever most speaks to your heart. What you can imagine, you can accomplish.” — J. L. Huie If we subscribe to the notion that our thoughts are energy, then we understand that sending loving thoughts to someone in need can make a difference. In the ’60s and ’70s, we called it “good vibes, man.”

Some call it the power of prayer; others, meditation. A friend of mine talks about “positive juju.” Whatever name you give to this, know that you are doing something real and tangible when you harness your thoughts and use your power for good.

Turn it toward yourself and imagine what you want out of this precious, short life. Give these thoughts your time and attention.

You’ve just taken the first step to making them real.

chattanoogapulse.com • May 8-14, 2014 • The Pulse • 27

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Free Will Astrology TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Free jazz is a type of music that emerged in the 1950s as a rebellion against jazz conventions. Its meter is fluid and its harmonies unfamiliar, sometimes atonal.

Song structures may be experimental and unpredictable. A key element in free jazz is collective improvisation—riffing done not just by a featured soloist, but by the entire group of musicians playing together. To prepare for your adventures in the coming days, Taurus—which I suspect will have resemblances to free jazz—you might want to listen to music by its pioneers, like Ornette Coleman, Charles Mingus, and Sun Ra. Whatever you do, don’t fall prey to scapabobididdilywiddilydoobapaphobia, which is the fear of freestyle jazz.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Apple and Exxon are the most valuable companies in America. In third place, worth more than $350 billion, is Google. Back in 1999, when the future Internet giant was less than a year old, Google’s founders Sergey Brin and Larry Page tried to sell their baby for a mere million dollars. The potential buyer was Excite, an online service that was thriving at the time. But Excite’s CEO turned down the offer, leaving Brin and Page to soldier onward by themselves. Lucky for them, right?

Today they’re rich and powerful.

I foresee the possibility of a comparable development in your life, Gemini. An apparent “failure” may, in hindsight, turn out to be the seed of a future success.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): “You can’t have your cake and eat it, too” is an English-language proverb. It means that you will no longer have your cake if you eat it all up. The Albanian version of the adage is “You can’t go for a swim without getting wet. “ Hungarians say, “It’s impossible to ride two horses with one butt.” According to my analysis, Cancerian, you will soon disprove this folk wisdom. You will, in effect, be able to eat you cake and still have it.

You will somehow stay dry as you take a dip. You will figure out a way to ride two horses with your one butt.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): I know this might come as a shock, Leo, but...are you ready?...you are God! Or at least godlike. An influx of crazy yet useful magic from the Divine Wow is boosting your personal power way beyond normal levels. There’s so much primal mojo flowing through you that it will be hard if not impossible for you to make mistakes. Don’t fret, though. Your stint as the Wild Sublime Golden Master of Reality probably won’t last for more than two weeks, three tops. I’m sure that won’t be long enough for you to turn into a raving megalomaniac with 10,000 cult followers.

28 • The Pulse • May 8-14, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

rob brezsny

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): In your imagination, take a trip many years into the future. See yourself as you are now, sitting next to the wise elder you will be then. The two of you are lounging on a beach and gazing at a lake. It’s twilight.

A warm breeze feels good. You turn to your older self and say, “Do you have any regrets? Is there anything you wish you had done but did not do?” Your older self tells you what that thing is. (Hear it now.) And you reply, “Tomorrow I will begin working to change all that.”

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Over a hundred years ago, the cattle industry pressured the U.S. government to kill off wolves in Yellowstone National Park. By 1926 the wolves had all but vanished.

In the following decades, elk herds grew unnaturally big, no longer hunted by their natural predator. The elk decimated the berry bushes of Yellowstone, eating the wild fruit with such voracity that grizzly bears and many other species went hungry. In 1995, environmentalists and conservationists got clearance to reintroduce wolves to the area. Now the berry bushes are flourishing again. Grizzlies are thriving, as are other mammals that had been deprived. I regard this vignette as an allegory for your life in the coming months, Libra. It’s time to do the equivalent of replenishing the wolf population. Correct the imbalance.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): I have no problem with you listening closely to the voices in your head. Although there might be some weird counsel flowing from some of them, it’s also possible that one of those voices might have sparkling insights to offer. As for the voices that are delivering messages from your lower regions, in the vicinity of your reproductive organs: I’m not opposed to you hearing them out, either. But I hope you will be most attentive and receptive to the voices in your heart. While they are not infallible, they are likely to contain a higher percentage of useful truth than those other two sources.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Kangaroo rats live in the desert. They’re at home there, having evolved over millennia to thrive in the arid conditions. So well adapted are they that they can go a very long time without drinking water. While it’s admirable to have achieved such a high level of accommodation to their environment, I don’t recommend that you do something comparable. In fact, its probably better if you don’t adjust to some of the harsher aspects of your environment. Now might be a good time to acknowledge this fact and start planning an alternate solution.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19):

“Those who control their passions do so because their passions are weak enough to be controlled,” said writer William Blake. I think you will challenge this theory in the coming weeks, Capricorn.

Your passions will definitely not be weak. They may even verge on being volcanic. And yet I bet you will manage them fairly well. By that I mean you will express them with grace and power rather than allowing them to overwhelm you and cause a messy ruckus. You won’t need to tamp them down and bottle them up because you will find a way to be both uninhibited and disciplined as you give them their chance to play.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Would you please go spend some quality time having non-goaloriented fun? Can I convince you to lounge around in fantasyland as you empty your beautiful head of all compulsions to prove yourself and meet people’s expectations?

Will you listen to me if I suggest that you take off the mask that’s stuck to your face and make funny faces in the mirror? You need a nice long nap, gorgeous. Two or three nice long naps. Bake some damn cookies, even if you’ve never done so. Soak your feet in epsom salts as you binge-watch a TV show that stimulates a thousand emotions. Lie in the grass and stare lovingly at the sky for as long as it takes to recharge your spiritual batteries.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Dear Pisceans: Your evil twins have asked me to speak to you on their behalf. They say they want to apologize for the misunderstandings that may have arisen from their innocent desire to show you what you had been missing.

Their intent was not at all hostile or subversive. They simply wanted to fill in some gaps in your education. OK? Next your evil twins want to humbly request that you no longer refer to them as “Evil Twin,” but instead pick a more affectionate name, like, say “Sweet Mess” or “Tough Lover.” If you promise to treat them with more geniality, they will guarantee not to be so tricky and enigmatic.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Fireworks displays excite the eyes and lift the spirit. But the smoke and dust they produce can harm the lungs with residues of heavy metals. The toxic chemicals they release may pollute streams and lakes and even groundwater. So is there any alternative? Not yet. No one has come up with a more benign variety of fireworks. But if it happens soon, I bet it will be due to the efforts of an enterprising Aries researcher. Your tribe is entering a phase when you will have good ideas about how to make risky fun safer, how to ensure vigorous adventures are healthy, and how to maintain constructive relationships with exciting influences.

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$ ACROSS 1 Words before Congress or contrition 6 Language spoken in “Airplane!”

10 Capital by a fjord 14 Food at cook-offs 15 Coloratura’s performance 16 Red-bearded god 17 *Wrestler, at times 19 “Animal House” chant 20 Ending for mountain or musket 21 Tattoo parlor supply 22 Cement smoother 24 Pinter products 26 Check a melon, say 27 Oscar the Grouch’s pet worm 30 Replied sheepishly?

33 “Nerd Do Well” author Simon 36 Soft powder 37 Non-protruding navel 38 Masi of “Heroes”

39 *Tedious detective duty 41 Spleen 42 Motˆrhead head Kilmister 44 Cornhusker’s st.

45 ___ chai 46 “Don’t get any ___” 47 It’s America’s fifthlargest, according to FDIC data 49 Ominous forecast 51 Snarls seen from a helicopter 55 Othello’s finale?

57 Part of a rose 59 OMG or LOL 60 Circle of light 61 *Karate class feat 64 Billy and Stephen’s brother 65 Event with booths 66 “30 Rock” executive producer Michaels 67 Escritoire, for one 68 Part of iOS

69 Furry Endor dwellers DOWN 1 Had sore muscles 2 Merriment 3 Crown 4 Prehistoric 5 Of a daughter or son 6 Ten beater 7 Bugs 8 Contend 9 Google ___ 10 Armchair partner 11 *Tremble in fear, maybe 12 Expensive seating 13 Spoken or sung 18 Like some inspections 23 Inventor of a six-color fad 25 Chop suey additive 26 Babe Ruth rival 28 Selleck sleuth 29 Actor Cary of “Saw” 31 Dublin’s country,

to residents 32 Monopoly card 33 ___ Sci 34 Got (by) 35 *Nintendo’s yearly concern 39 Spray brand 40 Like the “21 Jump Street” movie 43 Andy Griffith series 45 Comedian Barinholtz 48 Surefooted 50 Judicial garb 52 “In ___” (Nirvana album) 53 Engage in a recent fad (not owling) 54 “___ alive!”

55 Herring type 56 Like some electrical plugs 57 Drains 58 Pace for a pony 62 Acne-fighting brand 63 Squabble

Copyright © 2014 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+ to call. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle No. 0674

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chattanoogapulse.com • May 8-14, 2014 • The Pulse • 29

Focus On “The Crackhead” Officer Alex meditates on the deadly grip of The Rock as seen through cop eyes.

“

They are fearful of light, but sense any and all opportunities to get them closer to their Precious.”

When officer Alexander D. Teach is not patrolling our fair city on the heels of the criminal element, he spends his spare time volunteering for the Boehm Birth Defects Center. Follow him on Facebook at facebook.com/alexteach

“The Crackhead.” The name is a stereotype, but then, as a cop…so am I. I get a pass.

The word is embedded in American culture and in nearly every case, its very mention conjures up a mental image that we can all relate to.

With a bit of luck your image is that of Tyrone Biggums, ALEX the character made famous by Dave Chappelle.

Mugging children for cash, openly defecating on the street, chalky lips and a perpetual itch, and the willingness to sleep anywhere, eat anything, and do anything for his precious rock…the Gollum of Crack Cocaine. Mr. Chappelle knew his game.

For me, it’s a girl named Wendy who was the prom queen at Howard High at one time in her life and now does terribly naughty things for five dollars (cash, mind you) in the 1700 block of East Main Street.

Like Biggums, she is very selfaware about her situation and her abandonment of standards, bordering on prideful. But hey.

As a youth, my first exposure to this were pictures presented

by Nancy Reagan during school public service announcements.

While this was indeed Mrs. “Just Say No” herself, it was compaTEACH rable to the anti-marijuana ads of the 1930s (think “Reefer Madness”), except this time it was closer to the truth.

“Just one hit and you would be hooked for LIFE,” they said! One day you’d be a student or a doctor, then if you took so much as a pull on the crackling pipe (from whence it got its name), then BOOM! You’d be pulling a “Basketball Diaries” in the restroom of the closest bus stop or subway station for your next sweet, sweet hit.

In truth? That’s a pretty rare case, or at least rare enough I

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RICK DAVIS GOLD & DIAMONDS 5301 Brainerd Rd at McBrien Rd • 423.499.9162 30 • The Pulse • May 8-14, 2014 • chattanoogapulse.com

can only think of one example of such over the years…but crack is a pretty close runner-up to King Heroin in its ability to sink a hook and drag you to hell through a quarry of hot, sharp gravel.

Later on my association shifted to “Ezel,” the crackhead from the “Friday” movie with Ice Cube. (“Hey, Smokey’s back here takin’ a shit!” he cried.

Ah, memories.) And it stayed as such for a long time, not that Ezel’s thieving and unnaturally fast character was that far off base either.

Through personal and professional trips, I’ve encountered crackheads from southern California to Washington D.C., and New York to Dallas…a fairly well-rounded sampling.

And unlike our atypically hideous prostitutes, Chattanooga, Tennessee has the same stereotypical crackheads you’d find anywhere else in the country.

Does that make them more attractive than our whores? Oh, God, no. But at least it’s not another difficult hurdle for the local Chamber of Commerce to have to explain.

These are the people willing to crawl into a dark, moist, cobweb-and-sewage-filled crawlspace under an abandoned house in the heat of summer in the projects to extract copper water pipes for crack money.

You know those places you are afraid to drive past? They will crawl under them. They go in without looking back, project rats and hantavirus exposure be damned. They do that because they need The Rock, and they need it NOW. Never mind the work they’re willing to do in a public restroom.

So with such blind loyalty to the waxy little stones, wouldn’t you expect there to be some kind of military application by now? Wouldn’t you just want to air-drop your crack team of “Force Recon Crackheads” over an enemy stronghold, tell them there’s crack inside, and let them get to work? Alas… here’s where Crack falls short.

Everyone has a guy or gal at work (or in class) that smokes the herb but always gets the job done and usually shows up on time. Same thing for crystal meth. But when they’re on “the rock”? They’re feral animals and completely unpredictable, which is a horrible business model.

When you see them, don’t wave at them, but don’t look away either. They are fearful of light, but sense any and all opportunities to get them closer to their Precious. So how can anything have such a hold on you? It’s obvious.

Cocaine is a hell of a drug.

(Just Say No, baby.)

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chattanoogapulse.com • May 8-14, 2014 • The Pulse • 31