The Pulse - Vol. 7, Issue 48

Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative

FREE • News, Views, Music, Film, Arts & Entertainment • December 2, 2010 • Volume 7, Issue 48 • www.chattanoogapulse.com

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The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 48 | December 2, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

President Jim Brewer, II Publisher Zachary Cooper Contributing Editor Janis Hashe News Editor / Art Director Gary Poole Director of Sales Rhonda Rollins Advertising Sales Rick Leavell, Townes Webb Calendar Editors Bryanna Burns, Reginald Owens Graphic Design Jennifer Grelier Contributing Writers Gustavo Arellano, Rob Brezsny Chuck Crowder, Allison Gorman Janis Hashe, Joshua Hurley Phillip Johnston, Matt Jones Sandraz Kurtz, Ernie Paik Alex Teach, Tara V. Editorial Cartoonist Rick Baldwin Editorial Interns Blake Hampton, Reginald Owens Contact Info: Phone (423) 265-9494 Fax (423) 266-2335 Email Inquiries info@chattanoogapulse.com Calendar Submissions calendar@chattanoogapulse.com The Pulse is published weekly and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publishers may take more than one copy per weekly issue.

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Brewer Media 1305 Carter Street Chattanooga, Tennessee 37402 Letters to the editor must include name, address and daytime phone number for verification. The Pulse reserves the right to edit letters for space and clarity. Please keep letters within 300 words in length.

The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on culture, the arts, entertainment and local news.

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cover story

Contents

ST wee xt ne

Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative

AL AS ! e NU TM VE uls AN IS LI he P R Y T CH OR k in

DECEMBER

13 WHEN PUSH COMES TO SHOVE

By Allison Gorman Unlike many other violent crimes, episodes of domestic violence are almost never incidental. They are part of an exponential pattern spanning multiple relationships and generations. An abuser— typically a man—often batters a succession of girlfriends or wives, says Mark Carpenter, who counsels offenders.

news & views

feature stories 18 MY GUIDE TO MAIN X 24

By Tara V. Holy Rock Gods—it’s time again for Main x 24. Main x 24 is held on the Southside, December 4 this year, and with it comes an insane line-up of music, art, hot cocoa, and even ice-skating under the stars.

27 CAMPING UP CHRISTMAS

By Janis Hashe Sick of the same old holiday schmaltz? Wanna see a play with a heart as big as Manhattan, filled with burlesque queens (and we do mean queens), gangsters, and yes, a real angel?

32 DECEMBER'S FILM BOUNTY

By Phillip Johnston Not since 2007 has the silver screen had such a consistently inspiring and surprising year as this one. And unlike 2007, this year has brought us great films disbursed throughout all 12 months instead of a few solitary good ones crammed into December.

5 8 11 24 31 38

PULSE BEATS BEYOND THE HEADLINES SHADES OF GREEN ON THE BEAT LIFE IN THE NOOG ASK A MEXICAN

everything else 4 5 7 7 19 20 28 34 36 37

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR CITY COUNCILSCOPE POLICE BLOTTER THE LIST NEW MUSIC REVIEWS MUSIC CALENDAR A&E CALENDAR SPIRITS WITHIN FREE WILL ASTROLOGY JONESIN’ CROSSWORD

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Letters to the Editor Harry Potter Promotes The Occult A new Harry Potter film is now showing in our cinemas. These stories about this young magician are not a mere fantasy, however. People who used to practice occultism have warned that the stories contain sorcery, spells and real potions, and that they also use the mental power or the automatic writing existing in Satanist magic. Many children, after having read the Harry Potter books are fascinated by occultism, being incited to find out in depth about witchery, magic and spiritism. The most generous and noble character in the story is Nicholas Flamel, who at the age of 666 decides to give his life for the salvation of the world.

That is the symbol of the beast of the Apocalypse is presented as the savior of humanity.

Clara Jiménez No Nukes For TVA Valley residents have been misinformed about the costs and risks of nuclear

power. From the mines to the 100 year containment canisters, nuclear waste is a dangerous reality. Nuclear power is not clean—it kills American workers.

Compensation claims for illness and death from radiation exposure have been granted to tens of thousands of Department of Energy workers and contractors. Only 1 percent of the uranium produces electricity, 99 percent produces nuclear waste, and routine releases of radioactive poisons move up the food chain and are cumulative. They are known to cause cell alterations and DNA mutations. There is no safe dose of radiation. How can TVA justify this unnecessary, expensive and short-term power source against the terrible longterm risks for our valley?

Gretel E. Johnston Teens Shooting Teens This is what happens when the schools do not have firearms safety courses. We teach them everything about drugs,

booze, and sex, but not the few simple rules of firearms safety that can save lives. Please people, practice good firearms safety and teach your kids.

Teach young kids to leave them alone with the same energy you would teach them to not put their hands on the stove eye. Teach older kids to keep the gun pointed in a safe direction at all times, etc., as per the many good sites on firearms safety on the web.

Jon Nin Locking Up Truant Parents The resentment, humiliation, not to mention degrading detention of the Marion County mother will leave severe mental scarring on said parent, which she will the probably take out on the kid.

What happens if she didn’t know about it and the kid flim-flammed her as much as the school? That would seem profoundly unfair. However if she knew and just didn’t care, then she’ll probably care now.

Marianne Plumridge

Send all letters to the editor and questions to info@chattanoogapulse.com We reserve the right to edit letters for content and space. Please include your full name, city and contact information.

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The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 48 | December 2, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

Pulse Beats

Quote Of The Week:

A rundown of the newsy, the notable, and the notorious...

“Every bit of undeveloped land can be turned into a public use. There are properties that have yet to be developed.”

— Larry Zehnder, Chattanooga’s Director of Parks and Recreation, responding to requests to set aside public land for more greenspaces within the city.

Tennessee State Fair Canceled?

Nashville Mayor Karl Dean has announced his intentions to redevelop the landmark Tennessee State Fairgrounds and place an office park on the 117-acre site. This move effectively cancels the 155-year-old Tennessee State Fair, closes the Fairgrounds Speedway, and displaces thousands of Expo Center shows, vendors, and patrons.

When asked if the mayor’s decision means Nashville will permanently lose the state fair, Chairman of the State Fair Association John Rose said, “I think we are, frankly.” Rose went on to say, “With only 10 months to the opening day to for the 2011 State Fair, there aren’t a lot of options in Davidson County.” Rose has said his group has struggled to find a new site for holding the fair.

Back on June 30, Dean officially signed over the state fairgrounds property to his finance department, headed by Richard Riebeling, who had originally proposed to turn the property into a mixed-use development. No details for development have been presented since then. With more than one million square feet of office space sitting vacant in downtown Nashville, it is unclear whether the market will support such development.

The fairgrounds property also includes one of the oldest racetracks in the United States, the Nashville Speedway. This historic racetrack is where NASCAR drivers

with names like Waltrip, Marlin, Bodine, Earnhardt, Petty, Elliot, Allison, Alexander, Hamilton and others got their start and made their names. The historic track will close permanently. Many racing fans are angry with Mayor Dean, who promised to save the racetrack in his bid for mayor in 2007.

A group dedicated to saving and renovating the fairgrounds and speedway has emerged, formed with fair and expo interests, racing fans, and local citizens

Here is one of the more interesting agenda items set to be discussed at the Tuesday, December 7 meeting of the Chattanooga City Council.

committed to saving the fairgrounds.

They are collecting petition signatures online at: www.savemyfairgrounds.com

Incline Railway To Close For Repairs

The Lookout Mountain Incline Railway will close at end of business on December 5 for improvement to the track.

“The Incline Railway has had a wonderful summer and fall season this year,” said Tom Dugan, Executive Director of CARTA, who operates the world’s steepest railway. “Safety is our highest priority so periodically, we have to close during our slower season to make repairs. This helps us ensure a safe and entertaining experience for the hundreds of thousands of visitors that ride the Incline Railway each year,” he added.

The Incline Railway will reopen in the first week of March 2011, providing the weather cooperates, based on the construction schedule. A grand reopening is planned that will feature entertainment and a special St. Elmo Experience Sweepstakes for lucky consumers.

The Lookout Mountain Incline Railway is one of Chattanooga’s most visited tourism attractions, located at the base of Lookout Mountain in St. Elmo, and is operated by CARTA, the Chattanooga Area Regional Transportation Authority.

Information on the grand reopening will be posted on ridetheincline.com as more details become available.

9. Departmental Reports: a) Department of Human Services b) Department of Parks and Recreation c) Department of Public Works d) Department of Neighborhood Services e) Department of Education, Arts & Culture f) Fire Department g) Police Department h) Department of Personnel i) Department of Finance and Administration j) City Attorney Each week at the city council meeting, the heads of each department have the opportunity to address the council on any needs or requests. But there’s more than that—the heads of the departments are also there to address citizen concerns directly. So if you have an idea, suggestion or complaint about something covered by one of the above departments, this is a perfect opportunity to direct it to the top person.

The Chattanooga City Council meets each Tuesday at 6 p.m. in the City Council Building at 1000 Lindsay St. For more information on the agenda and minutes from past city council meetings, visit www.Chattanooga.gov/City_Council

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A weekly roundup of the newsworthy, notable and often head-scratching stories gleaned from police reports from the Chattanooga Police Department, the Hamilton County Sheriff’s Office, the Bradley County Sheriff’s Department and the Dalton Police Department.

• One of the older sayings among cops is, “You can’t outrun a radio.” A 19 year old with sticky fingers found that out the hard way this past weekend.

The man was spotted snatching some gifts from a Highway 153 retailer and leaping behind the wheel of his Camry.

Unfortunately for him, police were right in the area. He led officers on a highspeed chase that ended when he ran into a tree after going the wrong way down a one-way street. A small boy and two women in the car were uninjured. The driver was arrested on numerous charges and likely won’t be doing any driving for a long while.

• ’Twas the night before Thanksgiving, and all through town, gang members were being rounded up, as Operation Gangsgiving went down. The pre-holiday law enforcement operation dubbed “Operation Gangsgiving” dealt with outstanding warrants, parole and probation checks, and attempted to head off the senseless violence that’s been plaguing the city in recent weeks. The operation consisted

of 65 officers and agents from Chattanooga Police Department, Hamilton County Sheriff ’s Office, F.B.I. and the A.T.F. All told, 36 people were arrested, 76 charges were issued, 49 warrants served, five guns were seized, and 38 grams of marijuana and two grams of crack cocaine were collected. Happy Thanksgiving to all, and to all a good night.

• One would think that a meth house already under quarantine would not be the best choice to set up a new meth-making operation.

But then, whoever said drug makers were the smartest people in town?

A home on Lyles Road in Bradley County, under quarantine after being contaminated by toxic chemicals used in meth labs, was being used again to produce the addictive substance when deputies checked the location. Deputies noticed a red bag lying under a vehicle that contained several ingredients commonly used in the production of meth in clandestine labs. A consent search was conducted of the house and property, resulting in discovery of additional substances. Three men were arrested and face a variety of drugrelated charges.

What To Do With All That Leftover Turkey

• It’s “lights, camera, action” for Chattanooga police officers. They’re the subject of a new reality TV show being taped here. TruTV, which used to be Court TV, is in town shooting episodes of Police POV. The show is similar to the Fox series Cops, in that it shows police work through the eyes of the officers on the beat. Other cities being shown are Fort Smith, Arkansas, Cincinnati and Cleveland, Ohio. So if you happen to be involved in criminal activity during the next month, don’t be surprised to see your face show up on national television in the near future.

1. Cold Turkey Sandwiches—Is there anything better than cold turkey on a roll with a bit of mayo, salt and pepper?

2. Turkey Soup—Take that turkey carcass and all the bits of meat clinging to it and slow cook it for several hours with some onions, carrots and celery to make a great stock. Remove the bones and add turkey meat, carrots, parsnips, celery, corn, or rice to make a delicious and hearty soup.

3. Turkey Congee—Make this rice gruel with leftover turkey bones and meat scraps. It might not sound like much, but it’s actually quite good.

4. Turkey Salad—Shred turkey, add chopped hardboiled egg, chopped celery and onion. Toss with a bit of mayo and season with salt and pepper. Makes a great sandwich or cracker topper.

5. Freeze for later use—Who says you have to eat your leftovers right away? Put them in freezer bags and stow until you’re ready to eat again. In June.

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Beyond The Headlines

Re:Starting Heroes

By Janis Hashe

“P

aul” is a man in his mid-40s. He had a good job as a forklift operator, he tells me, for 20 years. He never graduated from high school, never thought it was important. His job supported his family and he took pride in it. Then his company moved to Canada, taking his job with it.

“Diane’s” age is hard to guess, but the lines on her face show her life has not been an easy one. She tells me she married early, dropping out of high school, “even though my mama told me not to,” she says, shaking her head. “But I was young and thought I knew…” Then her husband would not let her return to school. She had kids, then got divorced. It’s a familiar story.

Volunteers and teachers at Chattanooga’s Re:Start program hear these kinds of stories everyday. But as a volunteer, what really impresses me about the people I tutor is that their stories are not by any means the full sum of them. These people are resilient, full of hope—and determined to change their lives.

As we sit in a small room talking about how to master writing an essay in 45 minutes, I am awed by their openness and willingness to try. I think about what it would be like to be in their position. What it would be like to try and literally re-program their brains to be able to perform this task, which they have to master to obtain the precious GED. Brains that resist, no longer as elastic as children’s.

Topic paragraph, three supporting paragraphs, conclusion.

“Think of it like a math equation,” I say to Paul. “These elements are added together to create the whole.”

He struggles when we try brainstorming on the three subtopics for the supporting paragraphs. He is easily distracted—he distracts himself and gets off the track. I make suggestions… but how much to help? He needs to learn the process, not just one answer. I keep an eye on the time, suggesting that each time we do a new essay, he spend the first 10 minutes brainstorming and doing a brief outline of what he wants to write about. After four or so tutoring sessions, he is doing so much better. He works on his essays at home and brings me the revised versions. His spelling is far superior to that of many of my students at Chatt State. I tell him so, and he laughs.

Diane tells me I am helping her, but I am not so sure.

Like Randy, she has a tendency to distract herself. I sympathize—this is not easy—you have to force your thought patterns into an order that has not become habit, but I gently return the conversation to the job at hand. Topic: “What’s the best job you’ve ever had and why?”

“What did you like about the job?” I ask her when she’s decided which one to pick. “Let’s brainstorm on that.” She can think of a couple of reasons but begins to stall out when asked for more, for the why. I prompt, but again worry that I’m “helping” too much. She starts to write, and it begins to flow a little for her. “Don’t

“As we sit in a small room talking about how to master writing an essay in 45 minutes, I am awed by their openness and willingness to try.”

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The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 48 | December 2, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

worry about everything too much,” I suggest. “We can go back and correct later.”

This volunteer job has, as they always do, given me so much more than I have given it. The people I am working with are smart people, they are motivated and they work hard. I think about how much I’ve taken for granted: a family that supported education and supported me through college, a lifetime of occupations that require constant learning, friends who read and write for a living (and constantly talk about it).

It is my privilege to work with the people I tutor. And if even a few gain enough from it to make their odds of passing the GED easier, it will have been my pleasure to be able to help a little—and to have gotten to know them.

It has been humbling.

To learn about volunteer opportunities at Re:Start, visit www.restartchattanooga.org

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Shades of Green

By Sandra Kurtz

Greening the Holidays H

“One could simply refuse to give any gifts, buy any special food, or go to any parties, but who wants to be called Scrooge and miss all the fun and connectedness to others the season brings?”

Sandra Kurtz is an environmental education consultant, a former classroom teacher and a founder of Tennessee Environmental Education Association. Presently she is executive co-director with the Urban Century Institute, a local nonprofit organization promoting sustainability and sustainable thinking.

ere in America, economists and retail storeowners would have you believe that the answer to all our problems is to go shopping.

That’s what President Bush advised after 9/11. Now, during this present economic situation, we are hearing the same advice: Shopping will save our economy and provide jobs. As a society, we may have to rethink that advice, because irresponsible shopping can harm the planet on which we depend. That is not sustainable.

When holiday season comes around each year, I cogitate over ways to turn away from over-consumption and waste. After all, every year the Birchwood Landfill receives 85,000 tons of waste with increases during December. Yet all the things I want to accomplish seem to entail shopping for more stuff. Of course, the season should be absolutely perfect for my family and friends.

If invited to parties or attending church services, one must be dressed for the festive occasion. (Go shopping.) I want to give the perfect gifts and wrap them beautifully (Go shopping.) The baked goodies should be exceptionally tasty and appropriate. (Go shopping for special ingredients.) The fresh evergreen tree must be decorated with loving care during an evening filled with reminiscing and hot chocolate. (Go shopping for tree and marshmallows.)

Decorations should be glamorous enough to elicit oohs and ahs. (Go shopping for

lights, wreaths, and yard enhancements.) The dinner table requires the good china, gourmet food, a marvelous centerpiece, and candlelight so that faces glow with joy. (Go shopping for poinsettias, special touches, candles, and the menu food.)

This is such a dilemma for those who would wish to live an Earthfriendly life! After all of these activities there can be a high volume of waste. Much of it is created because we are so pressed for time that we succumb to the convenience of pre-cooked and overpackaged food, paper plates, plastic cups, and decorations made in China purchased at the one-stop big-box store where they have that door-buster sale. We also spend a lot on plastic toys and batteries containing toxic materials and requiring a lot of energy to produce. In fact, every product purchased requires energy (usually from polluting fuels) to make and deliver.

There are several possible solutions. Of course, one could simply refuse to give any gifts, buy any special food, or go to any parties, but who wants to be called Scrooge and miss all the fun and connectedness to others the season brings? With a little thought you can purchase items that are long lasting or can be reused or recycled.

Look for gifts made from recycled materials and for creative toys that don’t require

batteries. Give a financial gift to a worthy organization on someone’s behalf. Send e-cards. Avoid buying heavily packaged products at the grocery store and make use of tote bags instead of plastic or paper bags. Give gifts that can be consumed. If you can’t make them, a nearby bakery or candy shop will do. When possible, buy locally made crafts, jewelry, and clothing and frequent green businesses. Look around your house for decorative items to use in new ways. An old outfit might be made new again with the addition of a scarf or other accessory. Switch over to LED or solar-powered lighting where possible. Be sure and compost your green tree or take it a tree-recycling center.

With measures such as these, you reduce your waste considerably while saving time and money. That means a less full landfill and a wonderful holiday season for all life now and in times to come. Glad tidings to all!

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Cover Story

When Push Comes to Shove: The Domestic Violence Crisis

By Allison Gorman

L

ast September, John Wiser, 27, stormed into his Stuart Heights home and beat, kicked and choked his 31-year-old wife, Shae, in front of her two young sons. By the time friends could respond to her frantic phone call for help, she was lying in her front yard, hemorrhaging and barely conscious. Five days later, she died.

It would be the final, fatal chapter of a long, violent story. Shae Wiser was known to the Partnership for Families, Children and Adults Crisis Resource Center, which counsels and shelters victims of domestic abuse—though “never in a million years did it cross her mind that he would kill her,” says the center’s director, Regina McDevitt.

According to police, John Wiser later stated that he beat his wife that night “more than he had ever beaten her or any other woman before.”

Unlike many other violent crimes, episodes of domestic violence are almost never incidental. They are part of an exponential pattern spanning multiple relationships and generations.

An abuser—typically a man—often batters a succession of girlfriends or wives, says Mark Carpenter, who counsels offenders. The children who regularly witness that abuse are far more likely to become batterers, or battered, themselves— perpetuating a cycle that likely was in place decades prior, when the abuser himself was a child in a violent home.

That’s why Carpenter is alarmed by the relative youth of the men now entering the Abuse Intervention with Life Skills program at The Lighthouse Counseling & Life Skills Center. Carpenter is director of The Lighthouse, Southeast Tennessee’s largest provider of court-ordered counseling for domestic violence offenders.

“When we started doing this 10 years ago, the majority of the guys were probably in their late 30s and early 40s,” Carpenter says.

RI Coalition Against Domestic Violence

“He never realized he had a problem. Even when he beat me and gave me a black eye, he said, ‘You made me do this.’”

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Cover Story “We’re getting kids as young as 18 now, who really should have had an intervention in third or fourth grade. When you look at our public school system now, with the increase in bullying and things like that—that’s the biggest reason you have to stop it. It comes out of a cycle. It’s primarily the cycle or the family that’s going to be the highest predictor.”

Therefore, while most efforts to resolve situations of domestic violence involve removing the victim from danger, that often doesn’t stop the problem, he says.

“If we don’t make efforts to change the abuser, imagine the 18-year-old kid in our program. He’s going to have a whole lot more relationships in his life. There are going to be three, four, five other women who, if we can’t stop the cycle, he’s going to abuse, too, as well as their children.”

Counseling after the fact is far from a sure solution, he adds.

Depending on the study, he says, only 20 to 60 percent of perpetrators who receive treatment are considered remediated.

“I usually classify it into two groups,” he says.

“There’s a group of guys who really are decent people, but they have no skills. They came out of abusive homes, they don’t know how to handle power, they don’t know how to handle their emotions. They just need skills and accountability. It’s almost like they just need to grow up. But there’s a percentage out there that no matter what you do, they are going to reoffend, and that’s the scary part.”

The main obstacle to remediation is the tendency for an abuser to blame his victim. “If we can’t get them past that, there really is no hope,” Carpenter says.

physical attacks for years, trying to “fix” the problems causing his behavior—until she realized she wasn’t the reason he hit her.

Their marriage fit the pattern. Linda’s father, himself raised in a violent home, beat Linda’s mother, who in turn abused Linda and her sisters—all of whom would grow up to marry an abusive man.

“When I first went out with my husband, he had a lot of good qualities,” Linda explains, “but he also had an anger problem. I just thought that was how men are. I didn’t have a dad to show me what was normal. I didn’t have a home to show me what was normal.”

Like her mother before her, Linda was a party to verbal pugilism that eventually became physical. Outmatched by 100 pounds, she ended up on the worse end; when she pushed her husband, she says, he knocked her down and punched her in the face.

And when she went to her family for help, they drew on what they knew, advising her to stay. “What could my dad say?” she asks. “He did the same thing to my mother.”

Determined to mend her threadbare marriage, Linda sought spiritual guidance from her pastor and from Christian literature. The message she got, she says, was “Do the right thing, and he will follow.” So she learned to avoid confrontations and convinced her husband to join her for counseling. “But he never realized he had a problem,” she says.

“Even when he beat me and gave me a black eye, he said, ‘You made me do this.’”

Finally Linda found a book explaining the patterns and psychology behind domestic violence, and she had an epiphany: “My God, it’s not me. It’s him.”

After 16 years of marriage, Linda filed for divorce. The couple is now legally separated.

“Episodes of domestic violence are almost never incidental.

They are part of an exponential pattern spanning multiple relationships and generations.”

Still blaming the victims And then there is the victim, who blames herself. “Linda,” a Chattanooga nurse, says she endured her husband’s verbal and

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Cover Story The courage to leave At least two significant differences meant Linda’s story ended very differently than Shae Wiser’s. First, Linda’s husband left willingly and, at least for now, he’s kept his distance. Second, Linda and her husband did not have children.

Children in the home greatly complicate the problem of domestic violence. Financially and logistically, it’s harder for women with dependent children to escape a dangerous relationship.

Many mothers remain in a violent situation for fear of losing their children if they leave, notes the Partnership’s Regina McDevitt. “That’s a big motivator to stay,” she says, “because sometimes their parenting skills are not that great, or they have mental health issues, and their abuser will say, ‘You know what?

You’re crazy. I’ll call (Child Protective Services), and they’ll take those kids away.’” Having been told for years that she is crazy, worthless or stupid, the victim is particularly vulnerable to such backwards logic, McDevitt says.

Compounding the victim’s sense of powerlessness is the systemic isolation that’s part of the abuse pattern, Carpenter adds. “This person will come in and really sweep you off your feet, and then you’ll start to see the slow manipulations of your time, your friendships, your relationships…and then it gravitates into the more extreme forms of control: the physical, emotional, psychological and sexual,” he says. Often, by the time the victim recognizes that she needs to leave, she has no support system, and the logistics of leaving—with children in tow—can be daunting.

The Partnership helps victims navigate that process, McDevitt says. “The key to leaving safely is to have a solid safety plan that you’re able to work without the knowledge of that abuser,” she says. That goes far beyond finding emergency transportation and shelter. It also means filing for an Order of

Protection, notifying children’s schools (or getting special dispensation to transfer schools), closing bank accounts, and securing original documents like birth certificates and Social Security cards.

“The courage that it takes to pick up and leave is tremendous,” McDevitt notes. “These women have been so beaten down, they think so much of it is their fault, and their children may not want to leave. They’re having to do so many things to protect their children and themselves. It can be very, very difficult to make

that decision.”

Even if the abuse victim and her children do leave safely, the long-term damage may have been done, to manifest itself in future generations.

Officials studies indicate 50 percent of children raised in a home with domestic violence are also abused, McDevitt says, but “my opinion is that if you’re living in it, you’re being abused,” she says. “So I would say it’s 100 percent.”

McDevitt sees the effects of that abuse every day at

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Cover Story “We know a large proportion of our children are going to grow up and becomes abusers or victims. That’s why prevention is so critical.” she says. “They feel angry at the abuser, because they’ve tried so hard to intervene…We’ve seen so many children who seem to be the primary caretaker in the family.”

Breaking the cycle

the Partnership’s shelter, where trauma has dozens of faces. Little children are often sad and anxious, while older ones may feel embarrassed by their circumstances or even guilty for not having stopped the abuse.

And at some level, she says, a great many of them are angry.

“They feel angry at their mother for taking them away from home, or angry at being taken from their father,”

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According to The Coalition Against Domestic and Community Violence of Greater Chattanooga, 38 percent of the homicides in Hamilton County were domestic related in 2003, the last year for which that statistic is available. But behind that number is a far greater one. The FBI reports that every nine seconds in the United States, a woman is battered by her spouse or partner—and that for every reported case, another 10 go unreported.

While the incidence of domestic violence “ebbs and flows,” McDevitt says, things seem worse right now. A bad economy usually exacerbates the problem, and in Chattanooga there has been the breathtaking brutality of recent high-profile cases, particularly Shae Wiser’s.

Whatever the reason, McDevitt says, “I feel like our shelter is fuller.”

She considers the children she sees each day, then cites another statistic—that 80 percent of abusers or victims grew up in a home with domestic violence. “We know a large proportion of our children are going to grow up and becomes abusers or victims,” she says. “That’s why prevention is so critical. You have to stop it when they’re children.”

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Where to Get Help • The Partnership for Families, Children and Adults offers multiple services for adults and children in abusive situations, including a Crisis Hotline, shelter, and domestic violence support group for non-residents.

General Partnership number: (423) 755-2822.

Call this number to find out about services offered and to sign up for the support group.

24-Hour Crisis Hotline: (423) 755-2700.

Domestic Violence Support Group: Meets Thursdays, 6:30 p.m. – 7:30 p.m., 300 E. 8th St. Web site: www.partnershipfca.com • Coalition Against Domestic and Community Violence Offers counseling and other services.

It also helps operate the Crisis Hotline.

General number: (423) 475-6196.

Crisis Hotline: (423) 755-2700.

• Lighthouse Counseling & Life Skills Center Offers abuse intervention counseling and other services.

(423) 499-9335. www.lighthouselifeskills.com

www.chattanoogapulse.com | December 2, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 48 | The Pulse

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Music Feature

My Guide to Main x 24

By Tara V.

H

oly Rock Gods—it’s time again for Main x 24. Main x 24 is held on the Southside, December 4 this year, and with it comes an insane line-up of music, art, hot cocoa, and even ice-skating under the stars. To me, this event seems like a one-day Bonnaroo, running around blindly while trying to hit up every performance, workshop, and open house…minus the third-degree sunburn and the smell.

Here are a few clues to help you navigate thru this 24-hour frenzy in your own style and maybe even make it to the Main x 24 Grand Breakfast Finale.

Sleep is optional.

From 10 a.m.-2 p.m., you can head over to Battle Academy’s Open House at 1601 South Market Street. The elementary school’s chorus will be performing once they land from the Kids’ Parade and you can enjoy a free cup of hot cocoa and see our youngest artists in varied media as well as many other students from the area.

At noon, two music opportunities will emerge and this is where you get out the map, schedule, and start managing your day.

You could get started at the “Loading Dock of Rock” located in the OCI Parking Lot at 326 E. Main Street.

Accompanying the dock-o-rock is the “World Heavyweight Chili Championships.” It was a hit last year and I was amazed at the variety of chili supplied by the more than 20 contestants. Vegetarian, venison (and even burnt), the combination of chili, beer, rock, and a Mighty Lego building area went together seamlessly. They will keep the event going this year and accompany it with two local legends, The Bohannons and Mark “Porkchop” Holder.

CreateHere will also begin the Showcase of Music and Dance Performances in their building at 55 E. Main Street at noon. Kicking off the day will be Gerle Haggard, our female-

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fronted bluegrass band and each hour will showcase a new and local performer. As each will be great, my highlighter will hit up Hayley Grahm and the Carolling Co., MoonSlew, and our ladies of dance in The Dandasha and Tribe Zanzibar performance directed by Lacy Dickerson.

Another don’t-miss will begin at 1 p.m., filling the streets with music and trades of the street-performance sort.

Think French Quarter. The Busking Competition includes any act that anyone might find entertaining. You may play the washboard, swallow fire, or paint yourself gold and portray a dancing statue. Either way, you can enter to win the love of the Southside with your talent. For registration and voting info, head to ww.mainx24.com.

If street performing isn’t your thing, there will be an opportunity to show your skills again at “Wide Open Floor” in the vacant retail space between Niedlov’s and Link 41 at 3 p.m. The web site explains that this will be a rough but intimate setting where performers can sign up for a 15-minute timeslot to “take chances”, and states that “…If you are a dreamer, a wisher, a liar, a hoper, a prayer, a magicbean-buyer. If you’re a pretender, come sit by my fire, for we have some flax-golden tales to spin. Come in Come in!” I can dig it.

ManiFest Performance Art will be led by Christian Collier at the CampHouse at 1427 Williams Street from 4:15 p.m. to 6:45 p.m., with additional performers such as Amber Fults, Soure Korvid, and Hara Paper. Live blues with Rick Rushing and the Blues Strangers will follow from 8-11 p.m.

I may have a panic attack because even after this the hottest party of the year hasn’t even been mentioned: The Main Event. You will want to dress to impress, see and be

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 48 | December 2, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

seen this night. Don’t make the mistake of waiting in the cold to buy your tickets last minute—save the chills and buy online at themaineventchatt.com.

This year, the Main Event at Loose Cannon, 1800 Rossville Avenue, will bring in musical guests, the Patrick Smith Band and DJ Wizz Kid. While looking over the Patrick Smith Band’s bio information, I found they have performed alongside the Dirty Dozen Brass Band, Panic, B.B. King, the North Mississippi Allstars, Doctor John, the Neville Brothers, and more in their 15 years. DJ Wizz Kid is a Chicago DJ who has spun worldwide, worked with the likes of Journey and took first place in the 2001 WMC World Wide Spin Off. It will then be time to head back over to the CampHouse for our good friends DJK7 and DJFLUX308 as they introduce Montreal DJ and producer Poirier to our valley till 6 a.m. in da morning.

Somewhere you have to fit in glass blowing, not missing the last Chattanooga Market, The Bread Factory Loft Party, and a doggie parade….

Is it pancake time yet? Where is Santa? Am I at 800 words yet? Good luck and here’s to another great year at Main x 24!

For complete event schedules, visit www.mainx24.com and www.themaineventchatt.com

New Music Reviews The Budos Band The Budos Band III (Daptone) Apparently, the new album from the Staten Island instrumental ten-personstrong soul group The Budos Band was intended to be “the first psychedelic, doomrock record ever recorded at Daptone”— Daptone being the celebrated analog-only “House of Soul” studios engineered by Gabriel Roth, responsible for the distinctive authentic soul sound heard on Sharon Jones and the Dap-Kings albums and Amy Winehouse’s Back to Black. It would be a stretch to call the band’s latest, The Budos Band III, a “psychedelic, doom-rock record”—it’s still good old Budos Band—but one can hear some of the darker elements that reflect the original, offbeat goal.

Take “Black Venom” (named as a tipof-the-hat to metal bands Venom and Black Sabbath) which sports an ominous backbone featuring a guitar/bass riff in the right channel and a creepy organ in the left channel; that’s about as far as it goes, though, into sinister territory. The trademark wall-of-horns is present with a wide range, from a low baritone sax to the treble registers playing melodies in unison, and a bold, reverb-drenched trumpet solo serves as the song’s centerpiece. As for “psychedelic,” that’s covered by the album’s final song, “Reppirt Yad,” a mysterious, smoky cover of the Beatles’ “Day Tripper” with a wah-wah guitar and a sauntering pace that provides a contact high.

The Budos Band, like other Daptonerelated groups, pays homage to ’60s soul and funk bands and, to a lesser degree, African soul outfits, with a meticulously crafted aesthetic. Actually, the closest sonic sibling that comes to mind for this reviewer is the ’70s studio outfit The Incredible Bongo Band, with a tight, precise style and unabashed horns and bongos striking a satisfying groove. Since an aesthetic drives The Budos Band, it’s like there are standards to be met, and that is clear when listening to The Budos Band III, which has a consistently high quality throughout.

By Ernie Paik

Grass Widow Past Time (Kill Rock Stars) The San Francisco trio Grass Widow takes its name from the term for a woman whose husband has abandoned her, but that doesn’t mean that the band pumps out sad love songs—it’s much more complicated than that. As bassist Hannah Lew explained, the band’s name refers more to things that are obscured or “not in plain sight.” On the group’s latest album, Past Time, nothing is ever clear, drawing from intricate personal themes that are unlikely to be deciphered without help from the songwriters. One of the band members was coping with the loss of her father during the creation of the album, which shaped it to a degree, but the lyrics are oblique; apparently, “Fried Egg” is about “nighttime as a metaphor for death and the subconscious” with an egg yolk and white representing a kind of duality.

Musically, Grass Widow draws from late ’70s-early ’80s post-punk influences and seems to have a touch of ’90s independent femme-driven pop (does anyone remember Twig?); all three women in the band sing, so there’s nearly constant harmonizing or three-part counterpoint, which is a welcome approach. The group might resemble a sort of looser, less strictly mechanical version of the band Flin Flon, with guitarist Raven Mahon often using the chord-eschewing “play one note at a time” needle-prick guitar-sound method.

Drummer Lillian Maring is in constant motion, with a quick, nimble playing style, and the use of urgent, upbeat tempos helps to further disguise the ambiguous, difficult song topics. There couldn’t be a more appropriate home for Grass Widow than Kill Rock Stars, which features like-minded bands from the past (like LiLiPUT) and modern post-punk torch-bearers (like the New Bloods); clocking in at under a halfhour, Past Time stays consistently engaging and is more interesting than most stuff from the new crop of ’90s indie-pop revival bands. www.chattanoogapulse.com | December 2, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 48 | The Pulse

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Music Calendar Thursday Spotlight

Marty Montgomery Chance to see one of the world’s best acoustic guitarists. $15 8 p.m.

Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com

Thursday Jimmy Harris 6:30 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Monty Montgomery 8 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com Soul Survivor 9 p.m. The Lounge at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055. www. thepalmsathamilton.com Video DJ Nick 9:30 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com Innocent Flannel 10 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter Street, (423) 634-9191. facebook.com/theofficechatt SOULEDOUT! Classic and Modern Soul with DJ K7 10 p.m. The Social (next to Public House), 1110 Market St., Ste. 101.

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The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 48 | December 2, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

Friday Spotlight

Friday Johnny Cash Tribute Band 5 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo Victorian Lounge, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-5000. www.choochoo.com Ben Friberg Trio 6 p.m. Table 2, 232 E. 11th St. (423) 756-8253. www.table2restaurant.com Jimmy Harris 6:30 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com As Hell Retreats, A Hero Remains, Permillisecond, To Bow or to Burn, Dispel The Serpent’s Lie 7 p.m. The Warehouse, 5716 Ringgold Rd. www.myspace.com/warehousetn Pierce Pettis 8 p.m. Charles & Myrtle’s Coffeehouse, 105 McBrien Rd. (423) 892-4960. www.christunity.org The Unsatisfied, 40oz Folklore 8 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 MLK Blvd., (423) 266-1400.

Find them on Facebook.

New Found Road 8 p.m. Barking Legs, 1322 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347. www.barkinglegs.org Standing Room Only 8 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs Downtown, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956. www.sugarsribs.com Wendell Cain 8 p.m. Southside Saloon & Bistro, 1301 Chestnut St. (423) 757-4730. southsidesaloonandbistro.com

DJ and Dancing 9 p.m. Spectators, 7804 E. Brainerd Rd. (423) 648- 6679.

Swagga Monthly: DJ Megan Foxx, Bassel, Antares, Xphakder 9 p.m. SkyZoo Club & Lounge, 5709 Lee Hwy. www.skyzooclub.com JK & The Lost Boys 9 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919. www.myspace.com/jimstriker DJ and Dancing 9 p.m. The Lounge at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Mermaids, Wet Cadillac, The Claps 10 p.m. Discoteca, 304 E. Main Street. (423) 386-3066.

Find them on Facebook.

The Mackeys, Unseen, Stimuli, The Pox, Dick 10 p.m. Ziggy’s Hideaway, 607 Cherokee Blvd.

(423) 756-4786. myspace.com/ziggyshideaway Amber Fults 10 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter Street. (423) 634-9191 facebook.com/theofficechatt Lord T and Eloise 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com Nathan Farrow Band 10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com Roger Alan Wade 10 p.m. T-Bones, 1419 Chestnut St. (423) 266-4240. www.tboneschattanooga.com

The Mermaids, Wet Cadillac, The Claps Surf-pop with the Mermaids and more. $7 10 p.m.

Discoteca, 304 E. Main St. (423) 386-3066.

Find t hem on Facebook.

Danny Wiliams 10 p.m. Midtown Music Hall, 820 Georgia Avenue.

(423) 752-1977. www.midtownmusichall.com

Saturday Main X 24: World HeavyWeight Chili Championship- Mark “Porkchop” Holder, The Bohannons Noon. OCI Parking Lot, 326 E. Main St. www.mainx24.com Johnny Cash Tribute Band 5 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo Victorian Lounge,1400 Market St. (423) 266-5000. www.choochoo.com Jimmy Harris 6:30 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Taxicab Racers, Between Two Seas, Behold The Brave, Servant Advocate, To Light A Fire 7 p.m. The Warehouse, 5716 Ringgold Rd. www.myspace.com/warehousetn

Music Calendar

Send your calendar events to us at calendar@chattanoogapulse.com

Saturday Spotlight

BettySoo Austin-based singer/ songwriter causing a stir in the folk music world. $10 suggested donation 8 p.m.

Charles & Myrtle’s Coffeehouse, 105 McBrien Rd. (423) 892-4960. www.christunity.org Big Band Dance-The Legionnaires 7:30 p.m. American Legion Post 95, 3329 Ringgold Rd. (423) 624-9105. www.americanlegionpost95.org Aaron Tippin 7:30 p.m. Memorial Auditorium, 399 McCallie Ave. (423) 642-8497. www.chattanoogaonstage.com BettySoo 8 p.m. Charles & Myrtle’s Coffehouse, 105 McBrien Rd. (423) 892-4960. www.christunity.org Blake Morrison 8 p.m. Southside Saloon & Bistro, 1301 Chestnut St. (423) 757-4730. southsidesaloonandbistro.com Naked Hearts with Dolphin Mouth 9 p.m. Discoteca, 304 E. Main St. (423) 386-3066.

Find them on Facebook.

Coathanger Abortion, Parabellum, Castle Is A Tomb 9 p.m. Ziggy’s Hideaway, 607 Cherokee Blvd.

(423) 756-4786. myspace.com/ziggyshideaway

Sunday Spotlight

DJ and Dancing 9 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777. www.bartslakeshore.com The Regulars Band 9 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919 www.myspace.com/jimstriker DJ and Dancing 9 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Main X 24: The Main EventDJ Wizz Kid, The Patrick Smith Band 9 p.m. Loose Cannon Gallery, 1800A Rossville Avenue. www.themaineventchatt.com Nightmoves: Talk’s EP Release Party with Jillionaire and Jamanski 10 p.m. 412 on Market, 412 Market St. Find them on Facebook.

Jack Corey 10 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter Street (423) 634-9191 facebook.com/theofficechatt Funktastic 4 10 a.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 6340260. www.marketstreettavern.com The Nim Nims, Fools and Horses 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 MLK Blvd., (423) 266-1400. Find them on Facebook.

Frontiers: A Tribute to the Journey with Reckless Adams 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com

Main X 24: WorldTown Global Mashup- DJ K7, DJ Flux308, and Poirier 1 a.m. The CAMP House, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081. www.thecamphouse.com

Sunday Sweet Georgia Sound 12:30 p.m. Chattanooga Market, First Tennessee Pavilion, 1826 Carter St. (423) 266-4041. www.chattanoogamarket.com Open Mic w/Jeff Daniels 4 p.m. Ms. Debbie’s Nightlife Lounge 4762 Highway 58, (423) 485-0966. myspace.com/debbieslounge

Monday Big Band Night 8 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055.

Jimmy Herring Band with The Delta Saints 9 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com

Tuesday Ben Friberg Trio 6:30 p.m. Table 2, 232 E. 11th St. (423) 756-8253. www.table2restaurant.com Impending Doom, A Plea For Purging, Within The ruins, Your Memorial, The Plot In You 6:30 p.m. The Warehouse, 5716 Ringgold Rd. www.myspace.com/warehousetn

Sweet Georgia Sound Swing to big band at the biggest gift market all year.

Free.

12:30 p.m.

Chattanooga Market, First Tennessee Pavilion, 1826 Carter St. (423) 266-4041. www.chattanoogamarket.com

Tim and Reece 9 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777. www.bartslakeshore.com

Wednesday Jimmy Harris 6:30 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com The Whiskeybent Valley Boys, Strung Like A Horse 7:30 p.m. Moccasin Bend Brewing Co., 4015 Tennessee Ave. (423) 821-6392.

Find them on Facebook.

Joe with The Micks 9 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com Erick Baker with Josh Gilbert 9:30 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 2674644. www.rhythm-brews.com Open Mic with Mark Holder 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400.

Find them on Facebook.

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www.chattanoogapulse.com | December 2, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 48 | The Pulse

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On The Beat

By Alex Teach

The Potential Hire I

“‘Potential Hires’ are close cousins to ‘The Interactive Drunk’; that guy (or girl) that feels obligated to talk to uniformed police when in a bar or a Waffle House or any public setting, usually between the hours of 1 a.m. and 6 a.m.”

When Officer Alexander D. Teach is not patrolling our fair city on the heels of the criminal element, he is an occasional student, carpenter, boating enthusiast, and spends his spare time volunteering for the Boehm Birth Defects Center. To contact him directtly, follow him on Facebook at www.facebook.com/alex.teach

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was creeping down an aisle illuminated by the annoying strobelike effect of a fluorescent tube going bad, each rapid flicker accompanied by a harsh buzzing with no particular pattern to its intervals; maddening under the best of circumstances, of which this was not one.

I walked nearly sideways along a display rack with bent knees and my feet never crossing as they moved so as to lessen the chances of tripping, my elbows also bent and hands rigidly splayed out so they could reach whatever was needed as quickly as possible, be it gun, cuffs, or when time was really short, an opponent’s throat—or their gun.

My eyes were wide open and my breathing was shallow as I utilized the perfect mix of “fight-or-flight” and self-control known only to veteran soldiers and cops who use nature’s little engineering tweaks the same way a racecar driver uses a custom carburetor. I was completely aware, but with just enough sense to still be nervous that it was not I, for once, who was doing the hunting. This time, I was the subject of the hunt. And I was scared.

I neared the end of the aisle and had visually cleared the area ahead. I began to straighten my knees (what was left of them after all these years) when the glove pouch on the rear of my belt met with a bag of Baked Lay’s and the ensuing crackling of the packaging gave my position away completely. My hunter stopped scanning the store for me, and with a jerk of his neck zeroed in and moved towards me for the kill.

“Hey, man,” he said, “where’d you go?

Anyway, like I said, this is just temporary,” he

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 48 | December 2, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

said as he brushed the oversize and completely unnecessary “SECURITY” badge on his belt.

“I’m in the next Academy. Probably.”

My eyes rolled upward and my body went limp. “Shit,” I thought to myself. Or did I say it aloud…again?

(Author’s Break) “Hawaii Five-O” was the name of a fictional Hawaiian state police force, so named in honor of Hawaii being the 50th State. (Go ahead, amaze non-readers, since no one else knew that either.)

In fact, there are 22 hours of police-related programming a week on American network television out of 80-plus hours available, not including untold repeats from over the years.

Admittedly, I have only ever watched one with real passion (HBO’s The Wire; it literally doesn’t get any more realistic than that), but my point is that I don’t recall ever seeing one show with even a portion of the plot line above…yet as a cop, it’s one of the scariest things I encounter on the job: “The Potential Hire.” Why does no one write about that if they’re so into “reality TV”?

“Potential Hires” are close cousins to “The Interactive Drunk”; that guy (or girl) that feels obligated to talk to uniformed police when in a bar or a Waffle House or any public setting, usually between the hours of 1 a.m. and 6 a.m., with the failed logic of “If I don’t talk to him/ her, they’ll think I’m drunk.”

For those of you currently reading this in double from bloodshot eyes, let me clue you in: We know you’re drunk. And if we’re in the same establishment, you only need to be concerned if we’re standing, away from the cash register, and either smiling or frowning profoundly. If you see The Man in this configuration, yes: You’re potentially in

trouble. Otherwise, if we are sitting, at the register, and particularly if we’re eating…for God’s sake leave us the hell alone, or you will annoy us not just more than usual, but while quite vulnerable in your less-than-sober state.

I’m trying to help you here, folks.

“The Potential Hire,” unlike the drunk, is the one who feels the need to interact when sober and on the clock to explain their current circumstances, as if experiencing shame, and justifying such by verbalizing their resume and impending hire without ever having been asked to do so.

Potential Hires, take note: Like the cop trying to eat, we’re probably just trying to shop on our break or pass the time till the shift ends, and not only do we wish to be alone in this circumstance, we probably would think you were better off if you, too, had a damn drink and loosened up. Don’t be ashamed of your job, if that’s the case: Cops rarely see people that have jobs, and are thusly thrilled to see someone currently employed. Have an itch to be a cop? Go for it! But don’t demean your current one, and therefore yourself in the process.

(Break Over) “Shit,” I’d indeed said aloud…then I remembered the basics: There are only two defenses for the cop in these situations: If in a pair, throw your buddy under the bus by faking a phone call or suddenly looking at your watch and fleeing wordlessly, leaving him/her to deal with it. (It’s funny, unless you’re the one left behind.) And if alone: Grab the radio on your shoulder, even if it was clearly silent, and go “Oh, shit! I gotta roll!” and just bolt away to your fabricated emergency.

I did…and left his resume behind. (“Police Emergency!”, after all.)

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The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 48 | December 2, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

Arts & Entertainment

Camping Up Christmas in Times Square Angel

By Janis Hashe

Listen up, mugs. Sick of the same old

holiday schmaltz? Wanna see a play with a heart as big as Manhattan, filled with burlesque queens (and we do mean queens), gangsters, and yes, a real angel? Then has the Chattanooga Theatre Centre got the script for you.

Circle Theatre-goers will not have forgotten Psycho Beach Party, and this time the CTC serves up Times Square Angel, also written by the inimitable Charles Busch. Busch made his name with outrageous parodies of classic Hollywood genres (Vampire Lesbians of Sodom and Die, Mommie, Die! are among his other works). Times Square Angel is another outing, this time sending up both familiar Christmas tales like It’s a Wonderful Life and A Christmas Carol and ’40s and ’50s film noir.

Irish O’Flanngan is “a street urchin whose dreams are dashed by cruel fate. Irish grows into a big burlesque star who chooses financial security over true love.

Then, on Christmas Eve, Irish gets one last chance to make things right with the help of Albert, her personal angel.”

Director LeBron Hughes notes that although the play premiered in 1985, “It’s got nothing to do with that period. Busch loves Hollywood glamour. The dialogue is very stylized, and the actors had to become comfortable in that style.” He had cast members

Steven Berryman, Joanna Key, Jim Eernisse, Ryne Williams, Tim Newland and Joi Holloway watch old film noir movies to get some idea of the constant period slang and rat-a-tattat delivery.

The New York Times wrote of the premiere: “The dialogue is pseudohardboiled in a show where everything is pseudo-something: ‘The shelf life for a dame’s looks is as short as a can of olives.’”

Then there’s the “Busch” style layer on top of that—Busch pieces are profoundly presentational, rather than representational, and that requires actors to let loose and go for it. “While Irish has to be taught a lesson, just as in the old holiday classics, and we have a Christmas tree in the show, it’s a different twist on the Christmas tree,” Benton reveals.

“In fact, the whole show is a little twisted, lighthearted view of Christmas— that’s just a little bit wrong underneath.”

There are actually several versions of Times Square Angel, says Benton, but the CTC is doing the original version. Busch, he says, added a number of scenes when the show moved

“The whole show is a little twisted, lighthearted view of Christmas—that’s just a little bit wrong underneath.”

to off-Broadway, but most are “padding” and don’t really add much.

As for the target audience: “People who like to get out and enjoy holiday events and who are looking for something a little different will love this show,” Benton predicts.

So slap on the lipstick, dollface, grab your Joe and make a beeline for the Circle Stage, starting this Friday night.

Times Square Angel $18 8 p.m.

December 3 (Girls’ Night Out Opening night party begins at 7 p.m. with complimentary snacks and drinks sponsored by Brewer Media) December 4, 10, 11, 17, 18 (423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.com

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A&E Calendar Highlights Friday

Thursday

Celebrating the Invitational

Artists from the 2010 Hunter Invitational gather to celebrate the opening. $9.95 museum admission 6 p.m.

Hunter Museum, 10 Bluff View (423) 267-0968. www.huntermuseum.org

Send your calendar events to us at calendar@chattanoogapulse.com

Rock City’s Enchanted Garden of Lights 6 p.m. Rock City, 1400 Patten Rd., Lookout Mountain, GA. www.seerockcity.com Booksigning and reception: The Rossman 5 p.m. Tanner-Hill Gallery, Warehouse Row, 110 Market St. (423) 280-7182. www.tannerhillgallery.com The Christmas Rose 7 p.m. Harvest Deaf Ministries, 1314 Old Three Notch Rd., Ringgold, GA. (706) 375-7107. www. harvestdeaf.org Mystery of the TV Talk Show 7 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. www.funnydinner.com UTC Ensemble Performance 7:30 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center Roland Hayes Hall, 725 Vine St. (423) 425-4601. www.utc.edu/music Deck the Falls Ruby Falls, 1720 South Scenic Hwy. (423) 821-2544. www.rubyfalls.com

The 5 Jokers of Comedy

Power 94 celebrates its 30th anniversary with Bruce-Bruce, Kevin (Damn Fool) Simpson, Earthquake, Sheryl Underwood and others. $25-$45 8:30 p.m.

Memorial Auditorium, 399 McCallie Ave, (423) 642-TIXS. www.chattanoogaonstage.com

Saturday

Times Square Angel

Charles Busch’s camp classic parodies ’40s Hollywood Christmas movies. $18 8 p.m.

Chattanooga Theatre Centre, Circle Stage, 400 River St. (423) 267-8634. www.theatrecentre.com

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Holiday in the Woods 4 p.m. Chattanooga Nature Center, 400 Garden Rd. www.chattanooganaturecenter.org Red Bank Christmas Parade and Market 5:30 p.m. 3901 Dayton Blvd.

(423) 877-1103.

Celebrating the Invitational 6 p.m. Hunter Museum of Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944. www.huntermuseum.org “Tripple Whipple” Opening Reception 6:30 p.m. River Gallery, 400 E. 2nd St. (423) 265-5033. www.river-gallery.com Mistletoe Ball 6:30 p.m. Chattanooga Golf and Country Club, 1511 Riverview Rd. (423) 624-6144.

The Glass Menagerie 7 p.m. Central High School, 5728 Hwy 58, Harrison, TN. ( 423) 344-1447.

Bethlehem Center’s 2010 Annual Christmas Concert 7 p.m. Christ United Methodist Church, 8645 East Brainerd Rd. (423) 266-1384.

The Christmas Rose 7 p.m. Harvest Deaf Ministries, 1314 Old Three Notch Rd., Ringgold, GA. (706) 375-7107. www.harvestdeaf.org Christmas Voices and Brass 7:30 p.m. Brainerd United Methodist Church, 4315 Brainerd Rd. (423) 755-6100.

UTC Ensemble Performance 7:30 p.m. 2nd Presbyterian Church, 700 Pine St. (423) 425-4601.

Best Christmas Pageant Ever 7:30 p.m. The Gem Theatre, 700 Tennessee Ave., Etowah, TN. (423) 263-3270. www.gemplayers.com The Nutcracker 7:30 p.m. The Colonnade Center, 264 Catoosa Cir., Ringgold, GA. (706) 935-9000. www.colonnadecenter.org James Gregory 7:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233.

Happy Hollandaise!

8 p.m. Oak Street Playhouse, 419 McCallie Ave. (423) 756-2428. www.oakstreetplayhouse.com

Sunday Main x 24 8 a.m. Main St & the Southside Neighborhood. www.MainX24.com Holiday in the Woods 9 a.m. Chattanooga Nature Center, 400 Garden Rd. chattanooganaturecenter.org Chattanooga Market: Holiday Market 10 a.m. First Tennessee Pavilion, 1826 Carter St. (423) 266-4041. www.chattanoogamarket.com Brainerd Farmers Market and Holiday Mart Brainerd United Methodist Church, 4315 Brainerd Rd. The Nutcracker 10 a.m. The Colonnade Center, 264 Catoosa Cir., Ringgold, GA. (706) 935-9000. www.colonnadecenter.org Mosaic Market 11 a.m. 412 Market St. (corner of 4th/Market). (423) 624-3915 Chattanooga Boys Choir 47th Annual Singing Christmas Tree 2 p.m. Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad St. (423) 757-5050. www.chattanooga.gov

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Studio Recital 2 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center Roland Hayes Hall, 725 Vine St. (423) 425-4601. www.utc.edu/music The Nutcracker 2 p.m. The Colonnade Center, 264 Catoosa Circle, Ringgold, GA. (706) 935-9000. www.colonnadecenter.org Anime at the Library 2:30 p.m. Chattanooga-Hamilton County Bicentennial Library, 1001 Broad St. (423) 757-5310. www.lib.chattanooga.gov Annual Town Tree Lighting Ceremony 5 p.m. Mountain Arts Community Center, 809 Kentucky Ave. Signal Mountain, TN. (423) 886-1959. www.signalmountainmacc.org Holiday Chattanooga: “Story Center” 7 p.m. Sheraton Read House, 827 Broad St. (423) 265-3247.

The Christmas Rose 7 p.m. Harvest Deaf Ministries, 1314 Old Three Notch Rd., Ringgold, GA. (706) 375-7107. www. harvestdeaf.org

Black Nativity

Revival of Langston Hughes’ Christmas story features Palmer Williams, Jr. this weekend. $18 in advance, $20 at door 4 p.m.

Tennessee Temple University, Chauncey-Goode Auditorium, 1815 Union St. (423) 242-5156. www.destinyentertainment.org

Chattanooga Market: Holiday Market 11 a.m. First Tennessee Pavilion, 1826 Carter St. (423) 266-4041. www.chattanoogamarket.com First Free Sunday and Holiday Expo Noon. Hunter Museum of Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944.

Studio Recital 1:30 p.m. Cadek Recital Hall, Parking Lot 23 at Oak St. (423) 425-4601.

Soddy Daisy Christmas Parade 2 p.m. Dayton Pike, Soddy Daisy, TN. (423) 718 -1735.

Best Christmas Pageant Ever 2:30 p.m. The Gem Theatre, 700 Tennessee Ave., Etowah, TN. (423) 263-3270. www.gemplayers.com Senior Recital 3 p.m. Cadek Recital Hall, Parking Lot 23 at Oak St. (423) 425-4601. www.utc.edu/music The Christmas Rose 7 p.m. Harvest Deaf Ministries, 1314 Old Three Notch Rd., Ringgold, GA. (706) 375-7107. www. harvestdeaf.org

A&E Calendar Highlights Monday Rock City’s Enchanted Garden of Lights 6 p.m. Rock City, 1400 Patten Rd., Lookout Mountain, GA. Comedy Charity Special with Kyle Cease 7 p.m. Memorial Auditorium, 399 McCallie Ave. (423) 757-5156. www.chattanooga.gov Speak Easy: Spoken Word and Poetry 8 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. www.facebook.com/theofficechatt Member’s Choice Photographic Art Exhibit The Gallery at Blackwell, 71 Eastgate Loop. (423) 344-5643.

“Eternal” Exum Gallery, 305 W. 7th St. (423) 593-4265. “le deluge, après mao” China’s Surging Creative Tide Cress Gallery of Art, Corner of Vine and Palmetto St. (423) 425-4600.

“Beyond Baseball: The Life of Roberto Clemente” Bessie Smith Cultural Center, 200 E. MLK, (423) 266-8658.

Tuesday The Great Community Food Drive 8 a.m. Double Tree Hotel, 407 Chestnut St. (423) 756-5150.

Nutcracker Sweets 2010 5:30 p.m. Sheraton Read House, 827 Broad St. www.partnershipfca.com Flicks Café: Talk to Her 6 p.m. Chattanooga-Hamilton County Bicentennial Library, 1001 Broad St. (423) 757-5310. www.lib.chattanooga.gov Rock City’s Enchanted Garden of Lights 6 p.m. Rock City, 1400 Patten Rd., Lookout Mountain, GA. www.seerockcity.com CATS The Musical 7:30 p.m. Memorial Auditorium, 399 McCallie Ave. (423) 757-5156. www.chattanooga.gov “a Pale; place into parts” Sewanee University Art Gallery, 68 Georgia Ave. www.sewanee.edu/gallery Hunter Invitational 2010 Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944.

Wednesday Main Street Farmers Market 4 p.m. Main St. at Williams St. www.mainstfarmersmarket.com Rock City’s Enchanted Garden of Lights 6 p.m. Rock City, 1400 Patten Rd., Lookout Mountain, GA. www.seerockcity.com “Spirituality of Light” Jewish Cultural Center, 5461 N. Terrace Rd. (423) 493-0270. www.jewishchattanooga.com “Women’s Work” Bill Shores Frame and Gallery, 2 North Shore, (423) 756-6746. www.billshoresframes.com “Tripple Whipple” River Gallery, 400 E. 2nd St. (423) 265-5033. www.river-gallery.com “Different Strokes” by Peggy Huffstutler In-Town Gallery, 26A Frazier Ave. (423)267-9214. www.intowngallery.com “Pegged” The Gallery, 3918 Dayton Blvd. www.redbankgallery.com

Editor’s Pick: Featured Event Of The Week

Main x 24/The Main Event

The popular 24-hour celebration returns with music, the chili cookoff, busking competition and much, much more.

Visit the web site for a complete event listing.

Most events free, Main Event $18 advance, $20 door.

8 a.m. events begin Noon – 4 p.m. chili tasting 9 p.m. Main Event: The Patrick Smith Band and DJ Wizz Kid Main Street, Southside, downtown http: mainx24.com Main Event: Loose Cannon, 1800 Rossville Ave. www.themaineventchatt.com

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Life in the Noog

By Chuck Crowder

The “S” Word I

“Who in their right mind would allow themselves to become dissatisfied with the one free pleasure guaranteed to deliver a good time—every time?”

Chuck Crowder is a local writer and general man about town. His opinions are just that. Everything expressed is loosely based on fact, and crap he hears people talking about. Take what you just read with a grain of salt, but pepper it in your thoughts. And be sure to check out his popular website at www.thenoog.com

recently read an interesting article regarding sexual happiness among the generations who are still young and vibrant enough to actually have sex.

It noted that of the age groups still getting busy, Baby Boomers were the least satisfied with their sex lives.

“Baby Boomers” represent my parent’s generation, and includes anyone who’s between the ages of 45 and much, much older than that. Since my parents were born in the early ’40s, they actually represent the elder end of the Boomer generation, and at age 43 I am barely a Generation-X’er by definition. So when it came to the disturbing survey results of those as little as two years older than me, I was glad I fell within an age group that still likes to get busy. Or so I thought.

The report found that while 24 percent of Boomers are dissatisfied with their sex lives, it also concluded that 20 percent of GenX’ers (ages 30 to 44)—my generation—are dissatisfied with their sex lives. To me that just sounds nuts. Who in their right mind would allow themselves to become dissatisfied with the one free pleasure guaranteed to deliver a good time—every time?

Contrary to popular belief, there’s no such thing in my mind as “bad sex.” I realize that some encounters are much more satisfying than others. And there’s always those times when you wake up wanting to gnaw off the arm lodged under the neck of your conquest as you ponder “what the hell was I thinking last night?” But for argument’s sake, let’s surmise that there are two types of sex—the

“OMG I must have been hammered because they appeared a lot better-looking at 3 a.m.” sex, and the “OMG this person must have taken a seminar or something because that was amazing” sex. It all depends on one’s ability and desire to “perform” in the first place or a willingness to keep on practicing.

That said, there’s really not that much difference in age groups when it comes to actually having sex. The difference lies in how people were brought up viewing the act, the comfort they feel in exploring new territories with a partner and the satisfaction they get from the one they’ve chosen to lie with (no pun) “til death due us part.”

My generation was almost encouraged to start having sexual relations with a least a few different partners before walking down the aisle with the one we settled on. Then, after 50 percent of us found ourselves out on the market again after divorce, the same applied until we finally replaced our starter marriage with the one we should have settled down with in the first place. Maybe that’s why the 20 percent dissatisfaction figure annoys me a little.

Is my generation so spoiled that we think fireworks ought to be happening every time we take our clothes off? We’ve obviously had more practice than our parents, so are we just not doing it right? Or, more likely, does this 20 percent mainly represent the “old married couples” who’ve chosen to replace any physical contact with their spouse with Big Macs, La-Z-Boys and a couple of kids that drain their energy levels to the point that simply rolling over to give “the love of their life” a goodnight peck is hard enough to muster up on a nightly basis? I don’t know, because I am truly in the other 80th percentile.

I have a better understanding of the Boomers’ plight in finding fun between the sheets. Most, 62 percent the study reports, had sex with another partner before they were married. But in my mind that was likely some random hook up that happened maybe once before they decided it was a sin and their true calling was to get married right after college and start pumping out Gen-X’ers.

This generation was likely at odds with how their “reputations” would be viewed if they were to succumb to their primal desires without a wedding band. The report pointed out that some of the most prolific artists of our day fell within the Boomer generation.

The Beatles, Dylan, Andy Warhol, Truman Capote, Allen Ginsberg, Hunter S. Thompson and even the Stones were likely more creative due to the fact that until they earned groupies, they couldn’t “get no satisfaction (and I try, and I try, and I try, try try—I can’t get no!)”

Even when Boomers made honest men/ women of their mates, the report stated that 72 percent of men had fantasized about having sex with someone other than their partner, and so had 48 percent of their ladies. Maybe that’s how the 76 percent who reported they were happy with their sex lives “keep the fire burnin’,” to quote another Boomer artist.

The most interesting stat of the entire report is that only 17 precent of those over the age of 65 are dissatisfied sexually. Either granny and paw-paw have a few tricks up their sleeves or their minds are so far gone they didn’t quite understand the question.

Regardless, seems that while things may get worse with middle age, they apparently get better in the long run.

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Film Feature

December’s Film Bounty

By Phillip Johnston

N

ot since 2007 has the silver screen had such a consistently inspiring and surprising year as this one. And unlike 2007—that magical year that gave us There Will Be Blood, No Country for Old Men, and Atonement—this year has brought us great films disbursed throughout all 12 months instead of a few solitary good ones crammed into December, a gesture that in recent years has cheaply begun to scream “Help! We want an Oscar!”

In February, our nerves were jangled by Martin Scorsese’s Shutter Island and we later saw Leonardo DiCaprio play a similar role in Christopher Nolan’s Inception, a film many of us were compelled to see more than once. A tidal wave of trash coursed through the multiplex during the summer months, but great movies like How to Train Your Dragon and Toy Story 3 more than made up for it.

David Fincher’s The Social Network graced screens on the first day of October and, along with the thrilling documentary Catfish released that same month, caused us to rethink our relationship with Facebook. The latest addition to this year’s notable movie cache is Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1, the most entertaining and thorough film in the series since 2004’s Prisoner of Azkaban. And, of course, it would be foolish to ignore unmissable independent gems like Winter’s Bone, That Evening Sun, and Exit Through the Gift Shop.

Still, 2010’s film well has not gone dry, and December has much to offer movie lovers all across the board. First up is The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Trader, which makes its debut next week. The cast of the previous

two films remains intact, but the franchise has been abandoned by Disney and pushed under the sheltering wings of 20th Century Fox. Whether this signifies a darker turn for a characteristically crisp and Technicolored franchise is yet to be seen, but the choice of director Michael Apted (Amazing Grace, The World is Not Enough) for this new installment holds much promise.

If you’re up on the Chattanooga theater scene, you may have had a chance to see last year’s Chattanooga Theater Center production of David Lindsay-Abaire’s play Rabbit Hole. It’s a popular, albeit weighty work right now about a family whose lives are thrown into turmoil after their young son is killed in a car accident. The new film adaptation by John Cameron Mitchell (Shortbus, Hedwig and the Angry Itch) releases this month and stars Nicole Kidman and Aaron Eckhart as Becca and Howie Corbett.

Joel and Ethan Coen’s remake of the John Wayne classic True Grit is getting a wide release on December 22 and looks to be their most accessible film since O Brother, Where Art Thou? Even so, a few die-hard western fans are worried that the brothers Coen will turn their giddy, quotable 1969 classic into a depressive existential bloodbath a la No Country for Old Men. Should you encounter one of these people, you should assure them that The Dude (Jeff Bridges) is interpreting The Duke, so therefore they have nothing to worry about. Also, tell them to rent a happy little film called Fargo.

The King’s Speech, a film from British director Tom Hooper (HBO’s John Adams), has already had runaway success in

“On the whole it’s just another month of promising titles in a year already brimming with great movies.”

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other countries and aims to be quite the crowd-pleaser when it finally crosses the pond later this month. Starring Colin Firth, Geoffrey Rush, and Helena Bonham Carter, The King’s Speech is the story of the unexpected ascension to the throne of King George VI and the speech therapist who helped him become a respected orator despite great disability.

In what looks to be equal parts Dario Argento’s Suspiria and Pressburger & Powell’s The Red Shoes, director Darren Aronofsky’s Black Swan brings us the story of a veteran ballet dancer (Natalie Portman) experiencing a haunted relationship with a rival (Mila Kunis). Aronofsky has said Black Swan serves as a companion piece to his previous film The Wrestler, as both films explore darkness descending on artists whose primary artistic tool is their own flesh and bone.

Sure, there’s a little Oscar posturing in a few of these December flicks, but on the whole it’s just another month of promising titles in a year already brimming with great movies. Hit the multiplex—it’s the most wonderful time of the year!

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Riley's Spirits Within Eight Great Spirited Gifts

By Joshua Hurley Now that December is here, you’re probably racking your brain over gift ideas. Is all this thought and stress making it difficult for you to get into the holiday spirit?

Well, relax! Riley’s has it covered with eight Great Buys that offer something for every adult on your Christmas list.

Spirits make perfect gifts—and they never seem to be returned!

Remember, “Great Buys” is where Riley’s Wine and Spirits on Hixson Pike in Hixson picks something special from the area’s numberone wine and spirits selection and shares it with the readership of The Pulse. So here come eight great gift ideas: 1. Maker’s Mark Bourbon (750mL). Comes boxed with a Christmas ornament. This is the perfect gift for your boss or husband. Maker’s Mark Bourbon from Kentucky is considered one of the best. It is made with water from a limestone spring fed by a 10-acre lake on the property and carefully selected yellow corn, wheat and barley. All these combine to give Maker’s Mark Bourbon its unique mellow flavor. Includes a ball Christmas ornament to forever “mark” the occasion. $28.96 plus tax each.

2. Maker’s Mark Triple Set with Red, White and Blue Wax Limited Edition Box (375mL).

This is something for the patriot on your gift list. This set combines Maker’s Mark premium bourbon whiskey quality with a onetime release of patriotic red, white and blue wax tops. It is truly a unique gift. $30.66 plus tax each.

3. Jim Beam Black Label 86 Proof with two glasses. Since its founding in 1795, Jim Beam has become the world’s number-one selling bourbon, family owned and operated for seven generations.

Jim Beam Black Label 86 Proof is aged for eight years and combines

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the smoothness of Jim Beam with the extra proof of, say, a Maker’s Mark. Includes two highball glasses in the boxed set. $18.63 plus tax each.

4. Southern Comfort 70 Proof with T-shirt (boxed). Since 1874, Southern Comfort fruit-andspice flavored bourbon whiskey has been considered the taste of New Orleans. Included in this set are a 750mL bottle of Southern Comfort and one black, large T-shirt. $14.99 plus tax each.

5. Old Forester 100 Proof (375mL). Comes boxed with a glass and commemorates the 75th Anniversary of the repeal of Prohibition. The 18th Amendment is the only amendment ever to be repealed. Old Forester, the first bourbon to be sold with a label in 1870, was uninterrupted by Prohibition. Neat box! $16.48 plus tax each.

6. Jack Daniels Black (375mL). Comes boxed with glasses. This is the original old Number 7 and comes with two Jack Daniels shot glasses. $15.10 plus tax each.

7. Jack Daniels Gentlemen Jack Sour Mash Whiskey (750mL). Comes boxed with glasses from the Jack Daniel’s Lynchburg Distillery. This is the Super Premium version of Jack Daniels Black—twice charcoal filtered for a smoother taste.

Perfect for ladies or gentlemen. $26.99 plus tax each.

8. Jack Daniel’s Single Barrel (750mL). Duck’s Unlimited Package (Limited). The best whiskey Jack Daniel’s has to offer.

Bottled from barrels personally selected by the master distiller as the best, then aged further to enhance flavor and smoothness.

Includes one 750mL Jack Daniels Single Barrel Bottle, Duck’s Unlimited Tin and two collectable glasses. $44.99 plus tax each.

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Free Will Astrology SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche wrote a book called Ecce Homo: How One Becomes What One Is. I’d love it if in the next few weeks you would think a lot about how you are on your way to becoming what you were born to be.

Current astrological omens suggest you will have special insight into that theme. For inspiration, you might want to borrow some of Nietzsche’s chapter titles, including the following: “Why I Am So Wise,” “Why I Am So Clever,” and “Why I Am a Destiny.”

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): During some of her concerts, Capricorn singer Hayley Williams (lead vocalist of Paramore) has worn a tank top that bears the phrase “Brand New Eyes.” I encourage you to consider making that your own guiding principle for a while. By pointedly declaring your intention to view the world with refreshed vision, you will be able to tune in to sights that have been invisible to you. You will discover secrets hidden in plain view and maybe even carve out a window where before there had been a thick, blank wall.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Much of my recent book, Pronoia Is the Antidote for Paranoia, is rated PG. Some is R. But there’s one story that’s X. Not in the same way that porn is. While it’s uninhibited in its rendering of ecstatic eroticism, it’s a feminist meditation on spiritual intimacy, not a heap of vulgar stereotypes. Still, when the book came out, I couldn’t bear the thought of sending copies to certain relatives of mine who are a bit prudish. So I came to an honorable compromise: Using a razor blade, I sliced out the nine pages in question and gave my loved ones the mostly-intact remainder. May I suggest you consider a comparable editing of your efforts, Aquarius? Your main object right now is to win friends and influence people.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): In the waters off the southwest coast of Africa, the small fish known as the bearded goby has always been preyed upon by jellyfish—until recently. Now this formerly mildmannered species, whose diet used to consist of phytoplankton, has overthrown the ancient status quo: It is feasting on the jellyfish that once feasted on it.

Scientists aren’t sure why. I foresee a metaphorically comparable development in your life, Pisces. How it will play out exactly, I’m not sure. Maybe you’ll gain an advantage over someone or something that has always had an advantage over you. Maybe you will become the topdog in a place where you’ve been the underdog. Or maybe you’ll begin drawing energy from a source that has in the past sucked your energy.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Physicist Stephen Hawking believes it would be dangerous to get in touch with extraterrestrial creatures. “If aliens visit us,” he says, “the outcome would be much as when Columbus landed in America, which didn’t turn out well for the Native Americans.” Those who’ve studied the teeming evidence for UFOs would say that Hawking’s warning is too late. Some mysterious non-human intelligence has been here for a long time, and the fact that we are still around proves they’re no Spanish conquistadors.

Aside from that, though, let’s marvel at the stupidity of Hawking’s lame advice. As any mildly wise person knows, exploring the unknown is not only an aid to our mental and spiritual health—it’s a prerequisite. That’ll be especially true for you Aries in the coming weeks.

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TAURUS (April 20-May 20): “At times, although one is perfectly in the right, one’s legs tremble,” wrote philosopher V.V. Rozanov. “At other times, although one is completely in the wrong, birds sing in one’s soul.”

That may have been the case for you last month, Taurus, but these days it’s the exact reverse. If your knees are wobbly, you’re off-center, missing the mark, or far from the heart of the matter. If, on the other, birds are singing in your soul, it’s because you’re united with the beautiful truth. There are a couple of caveats, though: The beautiful truth won’t be simple and bright; it’ll be dense, convoluted, and kaleidoscopic. And the birds’ songs will

By Rob Brezsny

Truthrooster@gmail.com sound more like a philharmonic orchestra pounding out Beethoven’s “Fifth Symphony” than a single flute playing a quaint folk song.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Are there any actors who have impersonated as many different types of characters as Gemini chameleon Johnny Depp? From rogue agent to chocolatier, from psychotic barber to astronaut, he is a model of inconsistency—a master of not imitating himself. (To glimpse 24 of his various personas, go here: http://bit.ly/GeminiActor.) According to my reading of the omens, you now have a poetic license to follow his lead. There have been few times in the last two years when you’ve had this much freedom and permission to be so multiple, mercurial, and mutant.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): A tattoo now adorns the neck of pop star Rihanna. It says “rebelle fleur,” which is a French phrase meaning “rebel flower.” The grammar police protested her new body art. They wished she would have rendered it correctly—as “fleur rebelle”—since in French, adjectives are supposed to follow, not precede, the nouns they refer to. But I’m guessing Rihanna knew that. In reversing the order, she was double-asserting her right to commit breezy acts of insurrection. Let’s make rebelle fleur your keynote in the coming days, Cancerian. Break taboos, buck tradition, and overthrow conventional wisdom—always with blithe grace and jaunty charm.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Research by German psychologists suggests that positive superstitions may be helpful. Reporting in the journal Psychological Science, they discovered that people who think they are in possession of good luck charms outperform people who don’t. “Superstition-induced confidence” seems to act in ways akin to how placebos work to heal sick people: It can provide a mysterious boost. (More here: tinyurl. com/LuckCharm.) Just for the fun of it, Leo -- and in accordance with the astrological omens -- put this finding to the test. Get yourself a magical object that stimulates your power to achieve success.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Psychologist Carl Jung said that we are all connected to each other via the collective unconscious. Your psyche and my psyche have taproots that sink deep into the memories and capacities of the entire human race. According to my reading of the omens, your taproots are now functioning more vigorously than they have in a long time. You’re in more intimate contact than usual with the primal pool of possibilities. And what good is that, you may ask?

Well, it means you have the power to draw on mojo that transcends your personal abilities. Could you make use of some liquid lightning, ambrosial dreams, or healing balm from the beginning of time?

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): If you want to get a gallon of milk directly from the source, you have to squeeze a cow’s udder over 300 times. I recommend you use that as a metaphor for your task in the days to come. It’s going to take a lot of squirts or tugs or tweaks to get the totality of what you want. Be patient and precise as you fill your cup little by little. There’s no way you can hurry the process by skipping some steps.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): “Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth,” says the Bible. That doesn’t mean what most people think it does. The word translated as “meek” is the Greek word praus, which in ancient times didn’t mean “weak-willed, passive, mild.” Rather, it referred to great power that was under rigorous control. For example, soldiers’ warhorses were considered praus. They heeded the commands of their riders, but were fierce warriors that fought with tireless fervor. In this spirit, Scorpio, I’m predicting you’re about to get very “meek”: offering your tremendous force of will and intelligence in disciplined service to a noble cause. (Thanks to Merlin Hawk for the info I used in this ‘scope.)

JONESIN’

Across 1 Nine-to-five 4 Yes, in Yokohama 7 Ovens, so to speak 12 “Burn Notice” channel 13 “Rolling Stone” cofounder Wenner 14 Newswoman Mitchell 16 Guy who knows his cake pans?

18 Seesaws, really 19 “Cheers” actor George attending a Massachusetts college?

21 “Stop, horse!”

23 Hits a bicycle horn 24 Pond fish 25 Opera singer Enrico 27 Accomplishes 30 Barrett once of Pink Floyd 31 Native 34 Physicist Mach who coined the term “Mach number” 35 End-of-the-day

payment-fest?

37 Surround 40 With perfect timing 41 Ram noise 44 Turkish city that housed the Temple of Artemis 46 Some fish catchers 48 Gp. that provides road maps 49 Religious offshoots 52 “___ Small Candle” (Roger Waters song) 53 Richard Pryor title character with a big German dot on him?

57 Nissan model 58 One-legged maneuver for those chocolate balls?

61 Rembrandt’s city of birth 62 Cupid’s Greek counterpart 63 Skipbo relative 64 Give props to 65 Simple sandwich 66 Understand a joke

“Flat Tops”

–making a certain letter less pointy.

Down 1 Protrude 2 Suffix for sugars 3 It gets bleeped 4 Wrench or screwdriver 5 “___ the republic for which it stands...”

6 Split ___ 7 Market sign?

8 Scott Turow bestseller 9 1506, in Roman numerals 10 Get past the lock 11 Sunday deliveries 13 Page 6, on some calendars: abbr.

15 Court stat 17 Gentleman friend 20 Leaning type type 21 Lavs 22 Bale stuff 26 Tiny openings 28 Little giggle 29 Degas display, e.g.

32 Nine Inch Nails hit with the freaky video 33 Gothic novelist

Radcliffe 35 Honey Nut Cheerios mascot 36 “Well, there goes that option...”

37 “C’mon, help me out here!”

38 Shoulder decoration 39 Word repeated in T.S. Eliot’s “The Wasteland” 41 Wraparound greeting 42 Free throw path 43 Volcano spew 45 Obviously-named American financial giant 47 Super-cool computer geek language 50 “People” newsmaker 51 Spin around 54 2000 Radiohead album 55 U.S. Treasury agents 56 End zone scores, briefly 59 Inseparable 60 Poker stakes

Crossword created By Matt Jones. © 2010 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle #0496.

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Ask A Mexican

By Gustavo Arellano

In Which Piñatas Are Bashed

“Why the anger? Did someone nab that last Carlos V bar from the Dora the Explorer piñata last weekend?”

Have a question? Ask the Mexican at themexican@askamexican.net, be his fan on Facebook, follow him on Twitter or ask him a video question at youtube.com/askamexicano!

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Dear Mexican, What’s the deal with Mexicans and piñatas? I’m convinced that the reason that Mexicans are always so poor and uneducated stems from your childhood experience with those stupid things. At every piñata party that I have been to, I have seen lots of children’s skulls bashed after the blindfolded kid with the baseball bat keeps on swinging as a frenzy of little ones sprawl and wrestle for the dropped candy. This early brain damage is the cause for Mexicans’ low school test scores and high dropout rates.

— Ban the Pinata!

that do like Disney find it nearly impossible to stop Mexis from ripping off their designs)—but why bother with the academic mumbo jumbo when the answer is so apparent? Think of the lesson taught with the piñata, Ban: one Mexican after another after another after another smacks the object, all in an effort to crack it so that it spills forth goodies stuffed inside. Is this not the greatest metaphor for the United States ever?

Dear Gabacho, Actually, it’s the high lead level in Mexican candy that causes brain damage in our niños, but that’s another story.

Why the anger? Did someone nab that last Carlos V bar from the Dora the Explorer piñata last weekend? I can lay down the ley on the sociological significance of the piñata, discuss the amazing syncretism between Aztec and Catholic jar-smashing ceremonies that combined to form the modern-day piñata experience, examine the transformation of the game from a simple pot festooned with ribbons and flowers into another step in the eternally hilarious polka between the spread of globalism (American cartoon characters now make up the vast mayoría of piñatas) and Mexican piratería (few media conglomerates license piñatas in the likeness of one of their characters, and even those

Dear Mexican, This güero downloaded the Arizona S.B. 1070 bill, did a search on the document for “Mexicans,” and did not come up with a single hit. What’s up with that? So, since you are such an acknowledged expert at pointing out Mexican-hating here in the American Southwest (your words, not mine), I thought that I would let you school me and show me where in the racial-profiling-loving S.B. 1070 (again, your words, not mine) was the word “Mexicans” located.

— Presumably a Member of A Bola de Pendejos

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 48 | December 2, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

Dear Gabacho, Same place in the U.S. Constitution that allowed gabachos to discriminate against negritos after the ratification of the 14th Amendment.

GOOD MEXICAN OF THE WEEK! Not a cause, but a person: Sylvia Mendez, whom the Obama administration recently announced as a Presidential Medal of Honor recipient. It was Sylvia’s parents whom, along with the Ramirez, Palomino, Estrada, and Guzmán families, successfully sued four Orange County school districts in 1946 to end school segregation against Mexican kiddies. That federal case, Mendez et al v. Westminster et al, served as an influential precedent to the muchmore-famous Brown v. Board of Education. Though getting along in age, Sylvia still travels the country to speak about the case, ensuring that the decision never fades away. If she ever passes through your town—and Sylvia eventually will—check her out.

www.chattanoogapulse.com | December 2, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 48 | The Pulse

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