The Pulse - Vol. 8, Issue 11

FREE • NEWS, VIEWS, MUSIC, FILM, ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT • MARCH 17, 2011 • VOLUME 8, ISSUE 11 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

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The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 11 | March 17, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

PULSE BEATS 4 SHADES OF GREEN 7 ON THE BEAT 13 LIFE IN THE NOOG 23 ASK A MEXICAN 30

MARCH

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2011

ontents C

cover photography by Ashley Hicks

VOLUME 8, ISSUE 11 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

“Imagine if the people in 1,000 places of worship decided to reduce their energy use by X percent (pick a number).”

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— Sandra Kurtz on how churches are working to help with energy conservation.

“As soon as you deliver your first zinger that 8 hopefully at least one person in the audience thinks is funny, you can change your pants and continue your routine.”

— Joel Ruizon the joys—and perils—of live comedy.

“When 20, 200, or 200,000 die in something 13 of the scale of the Japanese tsunami, your blinders are torn off—then punched into your chest.”

— Alex Teach on the how tragedy can often overwhelm daily life.

“I bet none of those guys has ever pumped gas, picked 23 up dry cleaning or knows what it’s like to pull the handle of a slushy machine at the 7-11, for example.”

— Chuck Crowder on how out of touch with real life celebrities are in today's world.

www.chattanoogapulse.com | March 17 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 11 | The Pulse

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NEWS Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative President Jim Brewer, II Publisher Zachary Cooper Contributing Editor Janis Hashe News Editor Gary Poole Director of Sales Rhonda Rollins Advertising Sales Jaye Brewer, Rick Leavell Michelle Pih Calendar Editors Bryanna Burns, Leanne Strickland Graphic Design Jennifer Grelier Pulse Contributors Gustavo Arellano, Rob Brezsny Chuck Crowder, Michael Crumb Janis Hashe, Joshua Hurley Matt Jones, Phillip Johnston Sandra Kurtz, D.E. Langley Kelly Lockhart, Ernie Paik Alex Teach, Tara V Editorial Cartoonist Rick Baldwin Contact Info: Phone (423) 265-9494 Fax (423) 266-2335 Email Inquiries info@chattanoogapulse.com Calendar Submissions calendar@chattanoogapulse.com The Pulse is published weekly and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publishers may take more than one copy per weekly issue. The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors.

The Pulse is published by

Brewer Media 1305 Carter Street Chattanooga, Tennessee 37402 Letters to the editor must include name, address and daytime phone number for verification. The Pulse reserves the right to edit letters for space and clarity. Please keep letters within 300 words in length.

The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on culture, the arts, entertainment and local news.

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Pulse Beats

"Q"

“We have an income tax code from the Depression, we have a sales tax code from the 1950s, and we’re now starting the second decade of the 21st century.”

Chattanooga River Market Opens On Saturday

— Georgia State Sen. Doug Stoner, on various proposals to increase state revenue, including an 84 percent increase in cigarette taxes.

It’s that time of year the locals have been waiting for…Opening Day for the Chattanooga Market. This year, the date comes even earlier with the opening of the new River Market, located in the Tennessee Aquarium plaza, beginning this Saturday and running every Saturday through September 24.

The newest public market began last year, and with its success, another year featuring more vendors and the addition of agriculture will make Chattanooga Market fans eager to visit the plaza. The primary focus is to offer those who live downtown, as well as tourists, an opportunity to participate in a community public market.

With anticipated growth in 2011, agriculture will be added (primarily in morning hours during the growing season) and the arts & crafts segments will expand. The River Market will host more than 40 vendors, with the official opening planned for 10 a.m. Later in the season, folks are encouraged to come as early as 9 a.m. to enjoy the early-morning agriculture pick.

Early birds can enjoy a free yoga clinic at 10 a.m. on the plaza taught by Chattanooga Yoga Collective and for music fans, a live performance will be presented by Chattanooga’s

The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 11 | March 17, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

own New Binkley Brothers.

As for the main Chattanooga Market, they are geared up for another successful season with a full events calendar and overabundance of vendors as they celebrate their 10th anniversary as a local tradition. Be sure to mark your calendars now for the opening day for the original Sunday Market, set for May 1 with a line-up of festivities in celebration.

The selection of fresh produce will be plentiful, with agriculture coming from more than 5,000 acres of local and regional farms. Categories such as fresh meats, cheeses, pastas, breads and other farm goods, including eggs, have grown during the past two years.

Of course, arts and crafts, such as photography, canvas art, sculpture, jewelry, soaps, gourmet foods and many other categories will rotate each week to keep the offerings unique.

Continuing tradition, live music will be featured on the EPB stage every Sunday with popular local artists as well as many from all over the country.

As always, the Chattanooga Market is a free event offering patrons a day of fellowship, entertainment and an opportunity to support their local economy.

• The Tennessee Governor’s Arts Award recipients have been announced, and a legendary Cleveland gospel singer is among the award winners. Charles Towler, one of the most highly respected figures in the world of Southern Gospel convention singing, will be presented with the Folklife Heritage Award. The awards will be presented in a special ceremony on April 12 by Gov. Bill Haslam and First Lady Crissy Haslam. The Governor’s Arts awards were established in 1971 to exemplify the state’s finest cultural traditions.

• The lineup for the 30th Anniversary of Riverbend is beginning to fill out as Friends of the Festival announced Brian McKnight headlining Thursday, June 16 on the Coca-Cola Stage. Of 11 albums released to date, seven of McKnight’s have gone platinum—with several going double and even triple platinum—and he has sold more than 20 million albums worldwide. McKnight has received multiple Grammy nominations. McKnight has been touring in support of his latest release, Evolution of a Man, and is a welcome addition to an already very diverse festival lineup.

NEWS

Commentary

Love of Jazz Kudos once again to The Pulse for shining a light on the non-mainstream music scene around town. I have loved jazz since I first heard “Take 5” as a child and have often wondered what it would take for the jazz scene to really take root and grow in Chattanooga.

It’s great to hear directly from one of the local jazz musicians on how things are not only taking root (finally!) but also appear to be growing, with more interest from club owners and local music fans alike. I also found it fascinating to read about the club music scene and even the rather scary performance art from the Subterranean Circus folks. It ain’t all cover bands and tribute bands out there, people. Thank goodness.

William Hargroves What About Live Music?

What happened to live music? Seems that the only thing making press these days is electronic dance music. Does no one want to go out and see true talent on stage anymore?

Paul Wilson Fear Of The Police When I was a kid, it was always “fear the policeman.” Whenever a police officer was around, it was fear that came over me because I had already felt like I did something wrong.

Send all letters to the editor and questions to

info@chattanoogapulse.com We reserve the right to edit letters for content and space. Please include your full name, city and contact information.

Just the presence of an officer. It was nothing they had done, I had never got in trouble. Just association of “these guys CAN take you away if you act up.” It is probably the same healthy fear I had of my mother and father growing up. I knew they would never hurt me, but I was always aware of what they were capable of.

Rusty Shackleford A huge helping of the blame goes to the

parents for choosing not to participate in their kid’s life and not having the courtesy of either getting sterilized, having an abortion, or handing them over to “the state” at birth.

While handing them over to the state might not be the ideal solution, and while that environment might still turn them into little monsters, they’d still have a higher probability of not running around and thugging out than if they stayed in their completely unsupervised environment. Why do we care more in this country about how our house pets breed than about how one of the central causes of society’s ills are treated?

Greg McGraw What The World Is Coming to It saddens me to see that one human can do this to another human. Life is so hard and we go through such hardships already. It leaves me speechless and wondering what is the world coming to. After reading about the recent downtown stabbing assault, I just have one question to this woman: how would you be feeling if the situation were reversed and you had been stabbed over a measly $100? I am sitting here reading this story all the way over here in Korea, and it just disgusts me that all that for less than $100. What has the world come too?

Dorothy Nam www.chattanoogapulse.com | March 17 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 11 | The Pulse

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NEWS

Politics & Crime A weekly roundup of the newsworthy, notable and often head-scratching stories gleaned from police reports from the Chattanooga Police Department, the Hamilton County Sheriff’s Office, the Bradley County Sheriff’s Department and the Dalton Police Department.

Here is one of the agenda items to be discussed at the Tuesday, March 22 meeting of the Chattanooga City Council.

7. Resolutions: a) A resolution authorizing the Administrator of the Department of Public Works to enter into a Professional Services Agreement with Halcrow, Inc. relative to Contract No. E-10-013-101, Construction Feasibility and Conceptual Designs for Improvements to the Wilcox Tunnel, in the amount of $808,971.00. (District Nos. 5 & 9.)

This resolution, which was deferred from March 8, would pay for a full study to determine the best course of action for the aging and deteriorating Wilcox Tunnel. The two main proposals being considered are a large-scale upgrade to the existing tunnel, which has the support of several council members, or the construction of a brand-new tunnel, an idea being pushed by Mayor Ron Littlefield. Even so, the cost of the study—in excess of $800,000—has raised a number of eyebrows among council members and citizens groups, who are questioning the fiscal priorities of the council during a time of budget shortfalls and cutbacks.

The Chattanooga City Council meets each Tuesday at 6 p.m. in the City Council Building at 1000 Lindsay St. For more information on the current agenda, and past minutes, visit www.Chattanooga.gov/City_Council

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• It may have seemed like a good plan at the time, but federal authorities are, in fact, very good at their jobs. That’s what a group of people, including a Department of Motor Vehicles employee, discovered when they were indicted and arrested on charges of conspiring to produce and sell Tennessee driver’s licenses for cash. Federal prosecutors say the six people, including two Guatemalan citizens, conspired to bring ineligible applicants to a driver’s license testing site here in Chattanooga. Authorities say they presented counterfeit documents to the DMV clerk, who was an employee at the testing site, and he produced driver’s licenses in return for cash. The operation was undertaken by agents with the Department of Homeland Security, who have been cracking down hard on those who produce fraudulent identification documents.

• Sometimes robbers pick on the wrong victims. A Calhoun, Geogia liquor-store clerk is being called a hero after stopping a man from robbing the store and holding him down until police arrived. Calhoun police found the robber pinned on the floor of the store. The un-

The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 11 | March 17, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

named clerk told officers he saw the man put two bottles of liquor inside his jacket and tried to stop him. They got into a fight and the robber tried to pull a handgun from his pants’ pocket. He was booked in Gordon County Jail and is facing charges of aggravated assault, being a convicted felon in possession of a firearm, shoplifting and possession of a firearm during the commission of a crime. The clerk was uninjured in the incident.

• It’s never a good idea to sell drugs to make ends meet, especially when you are a cheerleading coach. Unfortunately for the owner of Dalton cheerleading gym, police arrested him last week in connection with selling methamphetamine out of his office. The arrest came after a month-long undercover investigation of meth sales at the business. The coach had a meth pipe in his pocket at the time of his ar-

rest, as well as 11 grams of meth in his office.

He was charged with possession of methamphetamine, possession of methamphetamine with intent to distribute, possession of tools for the commission of a crime, and possession of drug paraphernalia. He did tell investigators, however, that he had never sold any drugs to any of his gym customers.

• And one local man who tried fleeing from police ended up in a very uncomfortable position. Chattanooga police officers tried to stop an SUV that was pulling a trailer on Holtzclaw Avenue, but the driver decided he wasn’t in the mood to stop. He kept turning down various side streets in a vain attempt to elude officers, until he reached Orchard Knob Avenue. There, the driver crashed through several locked gates, hit a curb and foundered.

Instead of surrendering, the driver then took off on foot and tried to climb a fence…only to become entangled in it. Officers caught up to the man, who was dangling upside down, but were unable to assist him before he fell to the ground, landing on his head. He was taken to the hospital for treatment of some minor injuries, and then taken to jail. He was charged with reckless endangerment, evading arrest, driving on a revoked license, and, because of damages to the gates her drove through, vandalism.

OPINION

Shades Of Green

Keeping The Faith in Earth Action D

id you know there are more than 1,000 formal places of faith in our area? According to the Chamber of Commerce, they include not only Protestant and Catholic churches, but also Jewish synagogues, a Muslim mosque and a Hindu temple.

Some less formal religious and spiritual groups gather regularly in homes (and yoga studios) and are likely not even counted in that number.

They range from very small to quite large in size and from fundamental and evangelical to liberal and ritualistic in spiritual interpretation. In these places, the meaning of religion is explored; how good people should live life is studied; and where our journeys will take us is determined. Revelations come in many ways.

Despite differences among the religions, we are kindred spirits in one way: Every person, be they steeped in a faith tradition or not, lives on Earth as part of all creation.

Given that reality and our universal desire for individual and species survival, what responsibility do humans have to preserve the natural system that sustains life now and in the future? Do people of faith bear a special responsibility? Some think so.

After all, what faith tradition does not include a call for stewardship of “the garden” as well as justice and love for our fellow humans especially the poor?

Environmental impacts occur every day. Globally, there’s growing population with an over-consuming

U.S. society. Yet the poor, the ones least responsible for overuse of natural resources, suffer the most during this time of climate change. Waters are rising on islands and along coastlines while water tables are falling. Fisheries and farms are disappearing.

Urban sprawl and deforestation damage air quality, biodiversity, and our ability to sequester the carbon emission increases we have seen since 1900. Lack of access to healthy food and water is leading to malnutrition, and unrest. The Egyptian uprising is said to stem from rising food costs and food shortages among a growing sector of the people there. Yet, here we sit amid relative wellbeing compared to many others on Earth.

Should people of faith see this as a call to action and if so, what can be done? While the problem seems overwhelming, there are some surprisingly simple things to do. Think about energy efficiency and sharing. Imagine if the people in 1,000 places of worship decided to reduce their energy use

by X percent (pick a number).

That would mean less water use and less mountains disappearing in the production of electricity. It would mean more undisturbed forests, continued biodiversity, and healthier air for rich and poor alike to breathe. It would make natural resources go further reaching more people. It would reduce the cost of operating buildings, freeing up the money for “good works”. Here’s the real leverage point: If all those

Sandra Kurtz

worship buildings model sustainable behavior, others follow in their homes and businesses. Many hands make light work.

To explore actions, come be with Reverend Sally Bingham during an interfaith public discussion Sunday, March 27, 2-4 p.m. at Grace Episcopal Church. Grist Magazine named Bingham a “Climate Hero” for her work linking religious faith to environment and recognizing climate change as a core moral issue. She founded Interfaith Power & Light, now working in 38 states, including Tennessee. She is the lead author of Love God Heal Earth.

“To explore actions, come be with Reverend Sally Bingham during an interfaith public discussion Sunday, March 27, 2-4 p.m. at Grace Episcopal Church.”

Sustainability requires harmony with nature—the seamless interweaving of life in such a way as to assure wellbeing for Earth’s species now and in the future. We can’t live without a natural support system. Connecting people and sustaining creation is a worthy mission for those who gather together in worship—no matter what faith.

Sandra Kurtz is an environmental education consultant, a former classroom teacher and a founder of Tennessee Environmental Education Association. Presently she is executive co-director with the Urban Century Institute, a local nonprofit organization promoting sustainability and sustainable thinking.

www.chattanoogapulse.com | March 17 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 11 | The Pulse

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Laughing Locally: COVER STORY

Comedy In Chattanooga

A Guy Walks Into A Bar… A

By Chuck Crowder

horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Why the long face?” An old, and bad, joke for sure. But for the past couple of years, local people have been walking into bars—and right up on stage. Believe it or not, Chattanooga has comics within its midst who are not only willing to stand up before a crowd, but work hard to sharpen their stand-up skills through the trial and error of the open mic night.

The city’s underground comedy scene is growing in not one but two areas of town, each with its own up-and-coming comics delivering original material in hopes of making people laugh, so they may one day laugh all the way to the bank. With shows such as Last Comic Standing providing professional newbies with a national venue for proving how much funnier they are than the next guy, we sometimes forget that those comic hopefuls once stood in front of a few dozen people in a local bar, trying hard to remember their set and not get heckled.

That’s what’s happening in Chattanooga. Not only are we constantly bringing in many established comics for exclusive performances, but we’re also giving our own local jokesters ongoing opportunities. In addition to booking with, and opening for, bigger comedians, two local comics organize regular open mic nights in an effort to give their aspiring peers a venue for finding the funny.

For the past two years, local comic Joel Ruiz has hosted open mic nights, comedy workshops and full-blown showcases at Ziggy’s, JJ’s Bohemia, The Office and CBC downtown. As a more experienced, established comedian, Ruiz graciously invites those who’ve always wanted to perform stand-up to give it a try. And if you’re really into it, he and his fellow local comics will provide tips on improving your joke writing, delivery, timing and stage presence skills.

“As soon as you deliver your first zinger that hopefully at least one person in the audience thinks is funny, you can change your pants and continue your routine.”

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The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 11 | March 17, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

COVER STORY

Comedy In Chattanooga

“You don’t realize how intimidating the spotlight and live mic can be until you’re blinded like a deer in headlights just trying to remember what it was you were going to say,” says Ruiz. “But as soon as you deliver your first zinger that hopefully at least one person in the audience thinks is funny, you can change your pants and continue your routine.”

Just like the many he’s helped along, Ruiz himself was once that guy who’d always thought he’d like to try his hand at making people laugh.

“I was speaking with a regional comic one Sunday and told him that I’d always wanted to try stand-up and he said, ‘Well, I have a show in Chattanooga this Friday— why don’t you open for me?’” says Ruiz. “So I had five days to write my first five-minute set from scratch. But that Friday I was standing in front of a crowd delivering what I’d come up with and it was invigorating. From then on, I was hooked.”

That was a little more than two years ago and since then, Ruiz has aligned himself with several local comedians who’ve also perfected their skills on the Chattanooga stage. Regulars Andy Pyburn and John-Michael Bond are two of the peers who’ve joined Ruiz in creating an underground scene that’s taken off to both audience, and critical appeal.

every other Monday evening at Ziggy’s on Cherokee Boulevard. This casual setting enables true amateurs to test their material in front of local comedians, who were once true amateurs themselves. Anyone’s encouraged to show up, and any criticism they may receive is always constructive.

“Your friends may have told you you’re funny, but you never really know until you’re standing in front of a bunch of folks who don’t know you from Adam,” says Ruiz. “But if you can honestly make us laugh, then you’re onto something. Go with it—and we’ll help you as much as you want.”

Ruiz and company also host regular showcases at JJ’s Bohemia, The Office and CBC downtown that enable those who’ve got it to give it a try in front of a bigger crowd. Sometimes these shows consist of Chattanooga’s finest talent, but many times they’re able to coax a nationally known comic to headline.

“We’ve had big names like Doug Stanhope, who’d intended for his Chattanooga appearance to be an opportunity to warm up after a long break, but the overwhelm“We work with comics around the region on ‘comedy ing crowd reaction blew him away,” says Ruiz. “Even Last swaps’ in which we host them here in exchange for shows Comic Standing finalist James Adomian told us that JJ’s in their hometowns,” says Ruiz. “And one comment that Bohemia was his favorite venue during his ‘Breaking Even’ keeps coming up from these comics—as well as the na- tour.” tional acts we host—is how Chattanooga’s local amateur This type of street hype has helped Ruiz easily book upscene definitely has the kind of potential seen in much coming shows that include nationally known acts such as larger cities.”

“The Beards of Comedy” troupe and Kyle Kinane, who Ruiz, Pyburn and Bond organize a comedy workshop just recently filmed a special for Comedy Central. Some-

“One comment that keeps coming up from these comics is how Chattanooga’s local amateur scene definitely has the kind of potential seen in much larger cities.”

www.chattanoogapulse.com | March 17 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 11 | The Pulse

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COVER STORY

Comedy In Chattanooga

“Some of Foster’s ‘foster children’ include up and coming talents Jeffrey Milsaps, Crown Royal, Tresha Rutledge and straight-fromthe-hood Willie B.”

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day you may even see one of our local comics on TV. But until then, you can see a great mix of local talent live.

One such act is Chattanooga’s own “Runs With Scissors” improv troupe.

Made up of comics such as Kevin Bartolomucci, Bill Bolen and Steven Disbrow, this totally spontaneous group takes topic suggestions from the audience and runs with it—scissors optional.

Much in the vein of television’s Whose Line Is It Anyway? the troupe is left to their own quick comic wits to “turn chicken shit into chicken salad” so to speak. And according to their rabid following, they’re not having any trouble in the kitchen.

Meanwhile, across town at Brainerd’s Comedy Catch, local radio personality and comedian Eric Foster is leading another group of would-be comics at his open mic nights, held every couple of months. As opposed to Ruiz’s mainly alternative, Caucasian comedians and crowds, Foster’s efforts are aimed at showcasing local African American comics in front of peer audiences.

“My open mic’s are outta control— with a brutally honest audience,” says Foster. “They’ll let you know inside of two jokes whether they want to hear anything else you’ve got to say. But, if you make it past that, you’re golden.

You make that crowd laugh, you can make anyone laugh.”

Like Ruiz, Foster has helped guide local comics through the art of writing good jokes, segueing between material, getting timing and delivery down, and of course, dealing with hecklers.

“If someone yells out a jeer at your material, you’ve got two options,” said The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 11 | March 17, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

Foster. “If you’re quick-witted, you can throw out a comeback and then go back to work. If you aren’t so lucky, you better just ignore it and power on through your set.”

Some of Foster’s “foster children” include up and coming talents Jeffrey Milsaps, Crown Royal, Tresha Rutledge and straight-from-the-hood Willie B. “Willie B. came out of nowhere and wanted to try comedy. He bombed really badly his first time,” says Foster.

“But we all worked with him, helped him get his instinctively funny thoughts together into jokes, worked his timing and delivery, and now he kills every time he hits the stage.”

So what do you do if you’re thinking of taking a turn at the mic for the first time? Foster and Ruiz agree that the greatest misconception among firsttimers is that just because your friends find you funny doesn’t mean a crowd of strangers will. So, how do you go about writing material that will get laughs on stage, instead of getting you laughed off the stage?

“Go to shows, study a comic’s material—how they build a joke—and how or when it’s delivered,” says Foster. “Stick to jokes you’re comfortable with and at first, make them short and sweet.

Don’t go off on stories or tangents if you can’t follow it up with a punchline that’ll make the audience glad they kept listening.”

Ruiz agrees. “Read your crowd. Play to them—not the other comics who may be watching. Change up material often to keep things fresh, but always stick to your best material first,” he says. “Have a solid five minutes ready

COVER STORY

Comedy In Chattanooga

to go, but if you’re losing the crowd, change the subject immediately. It’s better to end on a high note in three minutes rather than boring the crowd just to get in all five minutes of your material.”

As far as writing material, Ruiz and Foster agree that no subjects are off limits, as long as they end with on a funny note. However, both say that the best comedians choose material that’s selfdeprecating.

“If you direct all of your material back to your own unique, funny qualities or personal situations, that’ll always generate laughs,” says Foster. “If you’ve got six kids or can’t keep a relationship or look funny or grew up poor or whatever —there’s comedy in everyone’s past or present situations.”

“Talk about how shitty your life is, or about your weird friends, the stupid stuff your kids do, past relationships that went

bad—you know, real life stories that have comical scenarios the average person can relate to,” says Ruiz. “And if that’s not your bag, tell funny stories, rant about funny news subjects, make funny facial expressions or off-the-wall delivery choices—whatever works best for you.”

After you’ve written what you think might be a funny set, Ruiz and Foster say that you should practice it alone in front of a mirror several times to get your flow and delivery down before trying out virgin material in front of a live audience. And, once you’re comfortable in your own jokes, go to workshops and open mic nights to gain constructive feedback in order to hone your craft.

Who knows? You could be the next Joel Ruiz or Eric Foster—or even better— famous.

Just kidding.

Upcoming Local Comedy Showcases: March 21: Local Comic Workshop. Ziggy’s Underground, 607 Cherokee Blvd.

April 1: Local Showcase. Chattanooga Billiards Club, 725 Cherry St. April 4: “Beards of Comedy”. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK. Blvd.

April 14: Kyle Kinane. JJ’s Bohemia April 23: Jarod Harris. JJ’s Bohemia April 24: Local Showcase. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn)

www.chattanoogapulse.com | March 17 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 11 | The Pulse

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The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 11 | March 17, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

OPINION

On The Beat

The Tragedy That Binds I

t’s December 2010.

John Fisher is sitting beside his wife Jo Maureen in the front seat of their green Ford F150, their children young enough to be secured behind them in car seats.

Jo is 33 years old, and part of an increasing minority of stay-at-home moms, despite her degree from Elon University 11 years earlier.

She and John Fisher had their first date in January of 2000, a year after her graduation from Elon (N.C.). They’d had dinner at an Applebee’s, and were engaged a few months later.

In their rear-view mirror on Interstate 20 was the halfway point of a 13-hour drive from the wedding of a cousin of hers in New Orleans; at their windshield was a chunk of concrete patch kicked up by a 1995 Toyota Camry they were about to drive into at 70 miles per hour.

In mid-conversation, the concrete made a footballsized hole in the windshield and one of similar size through Jo’s head. It passed through her, then through the rear window of the truck, covering her toddler children with glass and skull. (Any Dexter fans out there?)

This happened in the space of a second, but the horror that resulted has no known shelf life for the family that was in that truck (or the driver of the car that kicked it up through no fault of their own).

And so, for the Fisher family, The Universe Has Spoken. Next Page. (Literally, since it only made a few papers.)

We all know these things can happen, but we don’t want to know too much about them, much less expect

to be a victim. Hearing stories like the one above gives us a chill, because it cracks a window on a reality we’d just as soon never acknowledge. Flash forward to Japan last Friday or to Haiti on January 24, 2010, or any other tragedy of similar scale (rare though they mercifully may be) and you can no longer keep the blinders on of just how crushing “real life” really can be. A mother dying randomly and unexpectedly beside her husband and in front of her two young kids—that’s “tough”, but something you can at least subconsciously categorize as a statistical anomaly.

But when 20, 200, or 200,000 die in something of the scale of the Japanese tsunami, your blinders are torn off—then punched into your chest. Tough to breathe when you first saw the footage, wasn’t it, Sunshine?

The sinking feeling you get when witnessing these things in high definition from the comfort of your own living room is still the closest many of you will get, but it’s a preview into the darkness that a veteran street cop or combat vet knows every day they’re alive after experiencing them a few dozen (or hundred) times in a row.

I am not annoyed when it takes the deaths of 316,000 human beings (Haitians) to make us collectively gasp, when most folks won’t even read the two-inch column in a local paper describing the equally random death of a mother of two in front of the two, and beside her husband at that. I want none of these things to happen… but that feeling you had during the initial viewing of

Alex Teach

disaster footage? Think of that feeling when you half-ask a cop, “Have you ever shot anyone?” during the next chance dinner with one you’ve just met, or wonder why they’re in a bad mood or “just don’t seem friendly” when you see them staring into their food tray at a local food kiosk in a mall.

It’s not the rice they’re staring at: It’s that constant knowledge of what you don’t ever want to think of being a constant for them. We’re all just “two college kids falling asleep behind the wheel in oncoming traffic” away from a tragedy, whether we know it or not, folks. The problem is, the Cop (and Soldier) know this.

“When 20, 200, or 200,000 die in something of the scale of the Japanese tsunami, your blinders are torn off— then punched into your chest.”

I’m not happy about what happened in Japan (or any other tragedies, of course)…but it is nice to “fit in” with the rest of the populace for once, if just for a little while.

Don’t worry. You’ll forget about this tragedy just as you’ve recently let Haiti go (and Sumatra, and Bhopal, and Chernobyl, ad nauseam), but for just a little while, you can share the feeling. The Universe Speaks…just a little louder to some than others. And the Lesson never ends.

(Next Week: Puppies & Kittens Live Forever.)

When Officer Alexander D. Teach is not patrolling our fair city on the heels of the criminal element, he is an occasional student, carpenter, boating enthusiast, and spends his spare time volunteering for the Boehm Birth Defects Center. Follow him on Facebook at www.facebook.com/alex.teach

www.chattanoogapulse.com | March 17 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 11 | The Pulse

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MUSIC

Feature

Fiddle Me This, Old-Time

By Tara V, Pulse Music Writer

A

Chattanooga tradition that hearkens back to our Appalachian forebears will celebrate its second year this Saturday, March 19 at Lindsay Street Hall. The Great Southern Old-Time Fiddlers’ Convention will host a multitude of string players and relive a sound that brings back what America is about. I have had many of Chattanooga’s best share their passion for a sound that cannot be mistaken, whether it comes from Irish, German, or Appalachian roots, at least to those who play it. For many of us, this old-time genre gets lost in a modern age of hip-hop, heavy metal, and whatever you call Kesha.

These passed-down and ancient instruments have a sound interesting to the ear—but when you learn the history, depth, and lives of those who lived this music, you begin to realize that we wouldn’t have the artists of our day without them.

I was able to sit down at Sluggo’s and speak with a young man who has his hand in re-creating and continuing old-time fiddle music in Chattanooga. If you are familiar with places such as the Chattanooga Market, Rock City, and the Tennessee Aquarium, then you will know the name and tunes of Matt Downer and the trio he is a part of, The New Binkley Brothers.

deeper into what I had always understood to be a great community of bluegrass and string styling here in the Valley.

The late Henry T. Ford held the first competition of this style in Chattanooga in 1925.

His personal favorite (and deemed best fiddler in America) was a man from Maine by the name of Maley Dunner. This was a kick in the teeth to the great Southern fiddlers of the time, so they reached out to compete against the musical Yankee and Ford honored the challenge. The competition was held again in 1926-1927 at our own Memorial Auditorium with up to 5,000 attendees and 250 entries. These contests continued annually in Chattanooga and throughout the United States up until the 1940s.

Their popularity began to die down as many men went to war and women began to work and support US soldiers. As history shows, the festivals continued abroad but this historic event did not come back to Chattanooga until 2007, when two men out of Atlanta, Lance Ledbetter and Kenneth Johnson, took an interest in the deep history Chattanooga had in fiddlin’. Seeing that it was in need of Chattanooga strings, Matt Downer and others picked up the event last year and after more than 400 in attendance at the Lindsay Street Hall and more than 60 entries, there’s no doubt that this year will prove to showcase the love for and continuation of our “daddy’s music.”

The Lindsay Street Hall will host a Southern dinner consisting of pinto beans, cornbread and other old-time favor-

“The Great Southern Old-Time Fiddlers’ Convention is open to anyone willing to play and will be a great way to begin celebrating spring in the Scenic City.”

Along with fellow members Daniel Binkley and Clark Williams, these young men are a part of the family of local musicians keeping the Blue Ridge-style music alive in our city.

Matt was able to catch me up on the history of The Great Southern Old-Time Fiddlers’ Convention and what it means to Chattanooga. What I learned captivated me, and went

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ites. Sponsors such as Moon Pie will provide treats while they last and sweet tea will be in abundance. I spoke with Ken Crisp of Lindsay Street Hall, and he explained that they truly want to bring back this era in every way possible.

There will be set performers again this year, such as The Hog Slop Band of Nashville and Leroy Troy of Goodlettsville, TN. The Hog Slop band was described by Matt as “having more energy then you could shake a stick at” and Leroy Troy is a legend playing the Grand Ole Opry and best known for his “flippin banjo”.

The Great Southern Old-Time Fiddlers’ Convention is open to anyone willing to play and will be a great way to begin celebrating spring in the Scenic City. It is also open to all those interested in learning or being a part of such an important tradition in our area. Children 12 and under are admitted free and encouraged to attend, reminding us that this type of music is alive due to the decades of porch-front jams and teachings.

Cheers to those fans and artists keeping our music alive, and I tip my hat to a great 2011 of Sunshine Music in Chattanooga! I’m ready! Are you?

The Great Southern Old-Time Fiddlers’ Convention $5 4 to 11 p.m. Saturday, March 19 Lindsay Street Hall, 901 Lindsay Street For more info, visit Chattanooga’s Old Time Fiddlers on Facebook

MUSIC

Ernie Paik's CD Reviews

Destroyer

Penguin Café

(Merge)

(Editions Penguin Café)

Kaputt

Time has a way of vindicating the odd, misunderstood turns of artists—the inspired ones who know what they’re doing.

The unexpected Philly soul of David Bowie’s Young Americans and Robert Altman’s impenetrable, dreaminspired film Three Women are just two examples where trusting an artist when he strays from the path can be rewarding. It should be understood that Daniel Bejar, the creative force behind Destroyer and also a member of the New Pornographers, is in the middle of a remarkable run of albums—all lyrically rich and fully realized—that began in 2000 with his third album, Thief. Several, including Streethawk: A Seduction and Destroyer’s Rubies are acknowledged masterworks, while others, particularly the startlingly keyboardheavy Your Blues (also admired by this writer), were met with some head-scratching.

Destroyer’s latest, Kaputt, is both a headscratcher and a masterwork, going for a sort of early-’80s amalgam of new wave and soft rock; it’s safe to say that very few indie albums have more sax solos than Kaputt. With its drum machine beats, reverberating trumpet lines and backing vocals from jazz singer Sibel Thrasher (like what B.J. Nelson brought to Duran Duran), it’s only a few paces away from sounding like a parody, but there’s an air of sophistication (think Roxy Music, The Blue Nile and Ultravox) that keeps its head and heart in the right places. Visual artist Kara Walker, known for her disturbing silhouettes of slavery-era America, contributes lyrics for the track “Suicide Demo for Kara Walker,” a disorienting narrative with burdened phrases in the context of African-American history, such as “invisible man,” “brown paper bag” and “North Star.” Bejar’s voice may be an acquired taste, but his delivery is perfect for the flowing, enigmatic, reference-riddled lyrics, like those in the album’s closer, “Bay of Pigs,” which is a compelling ambient disco soliloquy. If that sounds a bit strange, well, trust Bejar—he knows what he’s doing.

A Matter of Life…

After eating some bad fish four decades ago, Simon Jeffes had a troubling waking dream about a desolate, Orwellian world; the refuge was a place called the Penguin Café, which featured vibrant music with elements of spontaneity and uncertainty, going against the oppressive drabness and silence elsewhere. Jeffes, a composer and multi-instrumentalist, formed the singular Penguin Café Orchestra (PCO) to realize the music of his vision, a unique intersection of classical, pop and folk music with a wide variety of instruments (including, famously, the two cited in the song title “Telephone and Rubber Band”) and a playful, quirky, inventive spirit. The PCO ceased to exist after Jeffes’s death in 1997, and after a one-off memorial concert in 2007, featuring Jeffes’s son Arthur and original members of the group, Arthur Jeffes decided to carry his father’s torch under the abbreviated moniker Penguin Café with his own new compositions and, controversially, without the participation of the original members.

The first offering from Penguin Café, A Matter of Life…, opens with “That, Not That,” a simple, moving number reminiscent of PCO’s “Perpetuum Mobile,” with a piano motif, joined by a cello and gentle handstruck drumbeats; it sounds like the music one might hear in the trailer for a teen romance film. “Landau” follows as an extension of the opener, but with a double bass backbone and, notably, bagpipes (Northumbrian smallpipes, to be exact) played by Kathryn Tickell, bringing a traditional English flavor to the piece.

The album favors piano and cello patterns, with a variety of other strings like violins and ukuleles, employing displaced ethnic and folk mannerisms, including a vague Afro-pop vibe at times. Living up to Simon Jeffes’s musical legacy is a daunting task, and Arthur Jeffes manages to pull off a respectable, polite postPCO album that captures the original band’s tenderness, but not quite its adventurous attitude and eccentricity. www.chattanoogapulse.com | March 17 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 11 | The Pulse

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MUSIC

Concert Calendar FRIDAY

THURSDAY

John Lathim and Friends, Pay the Reckoning, The Pubcrawlers

Local and Bostonian Irish music to celebrate St. Pat’s.

5 p.m.

The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy.

(423) 468-4194. facebook.com/thehonestpint

Thursday

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John Lathim and Friends, Pay the Reckoning, The Pubcrawlers 5 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy. (423) 468-4194. facebook.com/thehonestpint Vinyl Night 6 p.m. Pasha Coffee & Tea, 3914 St. Elmo Ave. (423) 475-5482. www.pashacoffeehouse.com St. Patty’s Day Punk, Local Union 6 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400.

Molly Maguires 7 p.m. Northshore Grille, 16 Frazier Ave. (423) 757-2000. www.northshoregrille.com Jimmy Harris 8 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055.

The Buckner Brothers 8 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055.

The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 11 | March 17, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

Open Mic Night 8 p.m. The CampHouse, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081. www.thecamphouse.com Blues Night with Rick Rushing 9 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Brock Blues Band with The Black Cadillacs 9:30 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644.

DJ and Dancing 9:30 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com Muddy Mule 10 p.m. T-Bones, 1419 Chestnut St. (423) 266-4240. www.tboneschattanooga.com

Friday

Johnny Cash Tribute Band 5 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo Victorian Lounge, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-5000.

Jimmy Harris 6:30 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055.

Ben Friberg Trio 6:30 p.m. Table 2, 232 E. 11th St. (423) 756-8253. www.table2restaurant.com Sincere Malevolence, Silence The Sorrow, Mirior Invietus 8 p.m. Ziggy’s Underground, 607 Cherokee Blvd. (423) 756-4786. www.myspace.com/ ziggysundergroundmusic

Paddy Keenan 8 p.m. Charles & Myrtle’s Coffeehouse, 105 McBrien Rad. (423) 892-4960. www.christunity.org 3 Dudes Blues Society 8 p.m. Southside Saloon & Bistro,1301 Chestnut St. (423) 757-4730. southsidesaloonandbistro.com Austin Adams 9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn). facebook.com/theofficechatt Stevie Monce 9 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919. www.myspace.com/jimstriker DJ 33 and Dancing 9 p.m. Backstage (inside Holiday Bowl), 5518 Brainerd Rd. (423) 899-2695.

DJ and Dancing 9 p.m. Spectators, 7804 E. Brainerd Rd. (423) 648- 6679.

DJ and Dancing 9 p.m. The Lounge at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5005.

DJ and Dancing 9 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777. www.bartslakeshore.com Cadillac Saints 9 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Yacht Rock Schooner 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com

Native Tongues: Elkmilk, Johnny Dropout, Telemonster

Showcase of new local bands. $5 10 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-1400. myspace.com/jjsbohemia

Native Tongues: Elkmilk, Johnny Dropout, Telemonster 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400.

Bounty Hunter 10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com Hegarty & DeYoung 10 p.m. T-Bones, 1419 Chestnut St. (423) 266-4240. www.tboneschattanooga.com

Saturday

Great Southern Old-Time Fiddlers’ Convention 4 p.m. Lindsay Street Hall, 901 Lindsay St. Johnny Cash Tribute Band 5 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo Victorian Lounge, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-5000.

Jimmy Harris 6:30 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055.

MUSIC

Concert Calendar

SATURDAY

Frequency with J. Rabbit, Kakarot MC, Oreo

EDM takes over downtown. $15 10 p.m.

412 MRKT, 412 Market St. Foundation Band 8 p.m. Fireside Grill, 3018 Cummings Hwy. (423) 821-9898.

Dalton Roberts and Roger Alan Wade 8 p.m. Charles & Myrtle’s Coffeehouse, 105 McBrien Rad. (423) 892-4960. www.christunity.org Muddy Mule 8 p.m. Southside Saloon & Bistro, 1301 Chestnut St. (423) 757-4730. southsidesaloonandbistro.com DJ 33 and Dancing 9 p.m. Backstage (inside Holiday Bowl), 5518 Brainerd Rd. (423) 899-2695.

DJ and Dancing 9 p.m. Bart's Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777. www.bartslakeshore.com DJ and Dancing 9 p.m. The Lounge at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5005.

Molly Maguires 9 p.m. McHale’s Brewhouse, 724 Ashland Ter. (423) 877-2124. www.mchalesbrewhouse.com

SUNDAY

John Perry and Friends 9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn). facebook.com/theofficechatt Jordan Hallquist 9 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919. www.myspace.com/jimstriker Stoneline, Baby Invinceable, Foxfire 9 p.m. Ziggy’s Underground, 607 Cherokee Blvd. (423) 756-4786. www.myspace.com/ ziggysundergroundmusic George McConnell 9 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Roller Girls After-Party: Lil Degrees, Future Virgins, Black Painter 10 p.m. Sluggo’s, 501 Cherokee Blvd. (423) 752-5224.

The Breakfast Club 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com Gerle Haggard, Hogslop Stringband, New Binkley Brothers 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia Mother of Pearl 10 p.m. T-Bones, 1419 Chestnut St. (423) 266-4240. www.tboneschattanooga.com Bounty Hunter 10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com

Sunday

Traditional Irish Music 3 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy. (423) 468-4192. facebook.com/thehonestpint Karaoke with DJ Stoli 9:30 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com Cadallic Saints, The Jompson Brothers 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia

Monday

Old Tyme Players 6 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Big Band Night 8 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Live DJ – Karaoke 8 p.m. Bart's Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777. www.bartslakeshore.com Karaoke with DJ Salt 9:30 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com

Tuesday

Ben Friberg Trio 6:30 p.m. Table 2, 232 E. 11th St. (423) 756-8253. www.table2restaurant.com

Cadillac Saints, The Jompson Bros.

Spend some Sunday time with the Saints. $7 10 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-1400. myspace.com/jjsbohemia Open Mic with Mike McDade 9 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike. (423) 266-1996. www.tremonttavern.com Smack Daniels, Madison Square Gardeners, Husky Burnette 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400.

Wednesday

Ben Friberg Trio 7 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Jimmy Harris 8 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055.

Preston Parris 8 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055.

Channing Wilson 9 p.m. The Acoustic Cafe, 61 RBC Drive, Ringgold.

(706) 965-2065 www.ringgoldacousticcafe.com www.chattanoogapulse.com | March 17 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 11 | The Pulse

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ARTS

Feature

The Horror, the Horror, Chattanooga Version

By Michael Crumb, Pulse Arts Writer

T

he prevalence, and, consequently, the importance of independent films have been increasing with the proliferation of less expensive technologies that put filmmaking capabilities into the hands of more artists. Film has always been a dialectical medium, and insofar as it a written medium, its development has paralleled developments of the literary novel during the past century.

In both publishing and filmmaking, the conflation of business with art tends to confuse the terms of the aesthetic dialectic. The word “experimental” may be applied to writings by Joyce, Kafka, Beckett or Burroughs as a means of minimizing the impact of such works on the larger culture. The same approach has been taken to the films of Andy Warhol and John Waters.

Booksellers classify books with marketplace terms.

The larger effect produces a kind of cultural daze, a mediocre ennui of cultural production that gets regularly shattered by eruptions of visionary works.

Chicken Dead. Kaufman’s call to “make your own damn movie” is drawing wide response, especially in our Southeastern region.

Lately, at ConNooga, the Adrenalin Group out of North Carolina showed A Few Brains More: Summer of Blood, their sequel to A Fistful of Brains.

This manifest zombie genre combines good writing, smart film effects and dark humor into a vehicle both entertaining and suggestive, reaching deeply into the zombie context.

ConNooga also showcased Jack Gray’s work to revive “shock theater.” Huntsville’s original “Dr. Shock”, Tommy Reynolds, died in 2008. Gray presented Hauntsville, a rock opera featuring the Shock Theater Orchestra, composed of Gray and handpicked musicians. Shock Theater also presented Anti-Horror, a film made by Donald Benjamin in 2002.

Anti-Horror has been recently picked up for distribution by Digital Shadow Films. The title refers to a kind of intention within this expressionist film to make a movie of a true story/ghost story from the Chattanooga area.

This intention deals with an age-old problem in drama, going back to Aristotle’s formulation of tragedy, namely, how does one present he evil of the past without perpetuating this same evil? Cultural history attests to the

“Kaufman’s call to ‘make your own damn movie’ is drawing wide response, especially in our Southeastern region.”

The combination of horror and science fiction produced such a rupture with the releases of David Croenberg’s Scanners and George Romero’s Night of the Living Dead, independent visions that inspired new approaches to film. Parodist and satirical impulses attached to horror brought Mel Brooks’ Young Frankenstein and Andy Warhol’s Frankenstein. Lesser known, but still influential, Lloyd Kaufman’s Troma Studios has been producing satirical gore films for 35 years, applying expressionism in Terror Firmer and the howl fest Poultrygeist: Night of the

difficulty here. Notably, Bertolt Brecht sought to change this context with his dramatic formulations. (See Brecht! The Man and His Work by Martin Esslin) Again, an independent attitude promotes solutions.

With regard to Anti-Horror, Benjamin explains that he was less interested in following the rules than he was in providing images to affect the viewer and to develop suspense. Benjamin is now beginning a new film project, under the working title Bestow, about spiritual healing, and he is inviting people who want to work with this project to contact him at trilliumpictures@hotmail.com.

This past weekend saw the arrival of the first annual Chattanooga Full Moon Tattoo and Horror Festival at the downtown Marriott Hotel. This proved to be great fun.

Among the actors present was Stacey Dixon to promote the film The Lashman, which was made in Kentucky.

Dixon also has a role in Thong Girl IV. The new “Thong Girl”, Maxxine K. Rainsdell, was here at ConNooga. The “Thong Girl” series develops from superhero comics and is produced in Nashville. Glen Weiss has developed this satirical approach to the threats encroaching on Music City with intelligence and humor. Thong Girl IV premieres in Nashville April 7 at 7 p.m. at the Bellcourt Theater in Hillsborough Village (near Belmont College, see www.thonggirlfilms.com).

There’s gore in them thar hills!

www.chattanoogapulse.com | March 17 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 11 | The Pulse

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ARTS

Arts & Events Calendar FRIDAY

THURSDAY

Cedar Rapids

Sundance 2011 selection about a hapless insurance salesman and a fateful convention.

Multiple showings Majestic 12, 311 Broad St. (423) 826-2375. www.artsedcouncil.org

Thursday

Cedar Rapids The latest film in the AEC Independent Film Series.

12:45, 3, 5:15, 7:30, 9:45 p.m.

Majestic 12, 311 Broad St. www.carmike.com Art + Issues: Land Conservation 6 p.m. Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View.

(423) 266-0944. www.huntermuseum.org Fireside Nights: St. Patrick’s Day Style 6 p.m. Rock City, 1400 Patten Rd. Lookout Mountain.

(800) 854-0675. www.seerockcity.com St. Patricks Day ”Lucky” Go Red for Women Event 6 p.m. Bluewater Grille, 224 Broad St. (423) 266-4200. www.bluewaterchattanooga.com Corned Beef, Cabbage & Comedy 6:30 p.m. Cleveland Country Club, 345 Kyle Lane NW, Cleveland.

(423) 336-3661.

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Photographic Society of Chattanooga Meeting 6:30 p.m. St John United Methodist Church, 3921 Murray Hills Dr. www.chattanoogaphoto.org Mystery of the TV Talk Show 7 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. www.funnydinner.com Squires Hall Recital 7:30 p.m. Lee University, 1120 N Ocoee St., Cleveland.

(423) 614-8000. www.leeuniversity.edu/theatre Felicia Michaels 8 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com

Friday

Senior Recital 6 p.m. Lee University, 1120 N Ocoee St., Cleveland.

(423) 614-8000. www.leeuniversity.edu/theatre Mystery at the Nightmare Office Party 6 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. www.funnydinner.com Findin’ of the Green 6 p.m. Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (800) 265-0695. www.tnaqua.org Ultimate Wave Tahiti 3D 7 p.m. IMAX Theater at the Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (800) 265-0695. www.tnaqua.org

Classic Film Series: Little Lord Fauntleroy 7 p.m. Mountain Arts Community Center, 809 Kentucky Ave. Signal Mtn. (423) 886-1959. www.signalmountainmacc.org Ghosts 7:30 p.m. Ensemble Theatre of Chattanooga, 1918 Union Ave. (423) 987-5141.

Felicia Michaels 7:30, 10 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com Senior Recital 8 p.m. Lee University, 1120 N Ocoee St., Cleveland.

(423) 614-8000. www.leeuniversity.edu/theatre Hubble 3D 8 p.m. IMAX Theater at the Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (800) 265-0695.

Chattanooga Ghost Tour 8:15 p.m. Walnut Street Bridge, 1 Walnut St. (423) 821-7125. www.chattanoogaghosttours.com Mystery of Flight 138 8:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. www.funnydinner.com Ultimate Wave Tahiti 3D 9 p.m. IMAX Theater at the Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (800) 265-0695.

Female Impersonation Show Midnight. Images, 6065 Lee Hwy. (423) 855-8210. www.imagesbar.com

Organ Recital at St. Paul’s

Organist Keith Scott Reas plays in a perfect setting.

Free, but offerings accepted.

7:30 p.m.

St. Paul’s Episcopal Church, 305 W. 7th St. (423) 266-8195.

Saturday

Cystic Fibrosis Pancake Breakfast 8 a.m. Applebee’s, 2342 Shallowford Dr. www.cff.org Soddy Daisy Knife Collectors Association (SDKCA) Annual Knife Show 9 a.m. IBEW Union Hall, 3922 Volunteer Dr. (423) 775-4183.

Chattanooga River Market 10 a.m. Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (423) 648-2496. www.chattanoogamarket.com Working Artist: Judy Klich 1 p.m. River Gallery, 400 E. 2nd St. (423) 265-5033. www.river-gallery.com A Seuss-Some Twosome 2 p.m. Creative Discovery Museum, 321 Chestnut St. (423) 648-6043. www.cdmfun.org Ghosts 2 p.m. Ensemble Theatre of Chattanooga, 1918 Union Ave. (423) 987-5141.

ARTS

Arts & Events Calendar

SATURDAY

“New Voices”

Spoken word, jazz, readings to benefit Tennessee Wild. $5 8 p.m.

Salvation Army, 800 McCallie Ave. (423) 315-0721.

Artist Reception: Deborah Tepper and the Community Tree 5 p.m. Planet Altered, 48 E. Main St. www.planetaltered.com Bluegrass Jamboree 6 p.m. Harrison Ruritan Club, 5709 Tyner Ln. www.harrisonruritanclub.webs. com Chattanooga Hamilton County NAACP ACT-SO Awards Ceremony 6 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-5000.

Chattanooga Roller Girls vs.

Burn City Rollers 7 p.m. Chattanooga Convention Center, 215 Broad St. www.chattanoogarollergirls.com Graduate Recital 7:30 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center Roland Hayes Hall, 725 Vine St. (423) 425-4601. www.utc.edu/music Felicia Michaels 7:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com

SUNDAY

“New Voices” Spoken Word Fundraiser 8 p.m. Salvation Army, 800 McCallie Ave. (423) 315-0721.

Saturday Night Movie with Ms. Kitty 8 p.m. Baylor School Student Center, 171 Baylor School Rd. (423) 267-8505.

Chattanooga Ghost Tour 8:15 p.m. Walnut Street Bridge, 1 Walnut St. (423) 821-7125. www.chattanoogaghosttours.com Mystery at the Redneck-Italian Wedding 8:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. www.funnydinner.com Ultimate Wave Tahiti 3D 9 p.m. IMAX Theater at the Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (800) 265-0695.

Felicia Michaels 10 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com Female Impersonation Show Midnight. Images, 6065 Lee Hwy. (423) 855-8210. www.imagesbar.com

Sunday

Loïs Mailou Jones: A Life in Vibrant Color 2 p.m. Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View.

(423) 266-0944. www.huntermuseum.org Open Improvisational Jam 3 p.m. Barking Legs Theater,

1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347. www.barkinglegs.com Chattanooga Bach Choir 3:30 p.m. Church of the Good Shepherd, 822 Belvoir Ave. www.chattanoogabachchoir.org Ghosts 6:30 p.m. Ensemble Theatre of Chattanooga, 1918 Union Ave. (423) 987-5141.

Jericho Brass Band 7 p.m. St. Pauls United Methodist Church, 902 Alabama Ave., NW, Fort Payne, AL. ww.jerichobrassband.org Felicia Michaels 8 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233.

Monday

The Airmen of Note 7:30 p.m. Memorial Auditorium, 399 McCallie Ave. (423) 757-5156.

Senior Recital 7:30 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center Roland Hayes Hall, 725 Vine St. (423) 425-4601. www.utc.edu/music Lee University Chorale Concert 7:30 p.m. Lee University, 1120 N Ocoee St., Cleveland.

(423) 614-8000. www.leeuniversity.edu/theatre Viva La Tramp!

8 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com

Open Improv Jam

Improvised dance, music, spoken word. $2 3 p.m.

Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347. www.barkinglegs.org

Tuesday

Junior Recital 6 p.m. Lee University, 1120 N Ocoee St., Cleveland, TN. (423) 614-8000. www.leeuniversity.edu/theatre Songwriter’s Line-up 7 p.m. The CampHouse, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081.

Campus Composers Concert 7:30 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center Roland Hayes Hall, 725 Vine St. (423) 425-4601. www.utc.edu/music Senior Recital 8 p.m. Lee University, 1120 N Ocoee St., Cleveland.

(423) 614-8000.

Wednesday

Main Street Farmers Market 4 p.m. Main St. at Williams St. www.mainstfarmersmarket.com String Theory Special Benefit Concert 6 p.m. Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View.

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OPINION

Life In The ‘Noog

Trying To Understand The “Sheen” Effect I

t’s no mystery to anyone who’s flipped on the tube in the last several weeks that one of Hollywood’s most beloved—and misunderstood—actors is in the midst of making himself a household name, though not necessarily in the best light. Charlie Sheen, the ultimate bad boy of Tinseltown, has unraveled into one of the most celebrated punch lines ever to (still) walk the Earth.

Seems since previous weirdos such as Michael Jackson have left us for a better place, we workaday folk curious for fodder to make our lives a little more tolerable have focused our attention on this sad case of someone with too much money and time on their hands. Drugs or not, Sheen has provided us with a personality that we all envy for its crazy nature.

In an attempt at self-rehabilitation from stimulants, he’s turned his fragile mind into a toxic cocktail of the chemical juices the body uses to deal with not having the substances it’d previously counted on to remain stable, and normal.

It’s only now that we realize that he really WAS on drugs when he flawlessly delivered exacting performances each and every week on Two and a Half Men. And now that he’s quit self-medicating, he’s reduced to a driveling mess of ego-driven, diarrhea-of-the-mouth withdrawal…and we’re intrigued.

No one has ever uttered now-famous catch phrases like, “I’ve got tiger blood and Adonis DNA,” “My mind only knows one speed—go!,” “#winning,” “Failure is the product of happen,” and labeling those in his way as “trolls.” He works out and smokes cigarettes like it’s his job, brags about marathon sexual encounters with his “goddesses” and, surely as an outward sign of perceived sanity, dotes on the two of his five kids too young to realize that daddy’s gone bonkers.

Even with his comically crazy notions, who wouldn’t want to be Charlie? The highest-paid television actor in history, driving around in a Bentley with not one, but two, porn stars living in his palatial mansion and not a care in the world—at least not one he can recall.

Up until recently, the man made more money shooting a 22-minute sitcom than the average person earns working 40 hours a week for their entire life.

He’s been in more than 60 films, mostly bad, but some good ones that include classics like Platoon, Wall Street, Young Guns and Being John Malkovich. He was also in the hit series Spin City in addition to the highest rated comedy on television for the past eight seasons, which now plans to go on without him (maybe). But I guess because he’s gone off the deep end in his personal life, Hollywood can’t count on his seasoned acting ability to come through when the high-budget meter is running.

He’s not the first to take the plunge into eccentric, self-destructive lunacy fueled by fame and a massive, unspendable fortune. Take Howard Hughes. He used a special fork to sort green peas by size, once spent four months sitting naked watching movies in a screening room eating only chocolate bars and drinking milk, and only allowed his hair and nails to be cut once a year. The aforementioned Jack-O had a pet chimp and liked to have sleepovers with pre-teen boys at his carnival-like Neverland Ranch. And while we don’t know what it’s like to be that weird, they in turn don’t know what its like to do the “weird” things we do. I bet none of those guys has ever pumped gas, picked up dry cleaning or knows what it’s

Chuck Crowder

like to pull the handle of a slushy machine at the 7-11, for example.

Famous by proxy since the day he was born, Sheen comes by his warped view of life and how to live it honestly.

His dad is Martin Sheen, for Pete’s sake. A man who starred in some of the most celebrated productions of all time—Apocalypse Now, The Departed and The West Wing.

Even his brother Emilio Estevez, who hasn’t done anything significant in years, remains a household name. Those boys never had to save up to buy their first piece-of-shit car or worked behind the counter of Burger King so they could take their girlfriend to the more upscale Red Lobster.

This kind of unrealistic view of normalcy and endless bankroll affords you the luxuries of top-notch cocaine, expensive hookers and the wherewithal to trash rooms at hotels in which none of us will ever have enough disposable income to turn back the sheets. Why all of a sudden is everyone worried about him now?

“I bet none of those guys has ever pumped gas, picked up dry cleaning or knows what it’s like to pull the handle of a slushy machine at the 7-11, for example.”

Oh, right, the crazy addiction withdrawal. Well, if the man wants to go nuts going nuts, then so be it. It’s sad that he doesn’t have enough of a support system to take time out of their leeching agendas to get him the help he needs.

But hey, makes for good television—and will likely cast him into infamy the likes of which won’t be seen by any of us.

So shine on Charlie Sheen, you crazy diamond!

Chuck Crowder is a local writer and general man about town. His opinions are just that. Everything expressed is loosely based on fact, and crap he hears people talking about. Take what you just read with a grain of salt, but pepper it in your thoughts. And be sure to check out his popular website at www.thenoog.com

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FOOD

Dining Out

Good Dog: Americana on a Bun

By D.E.Langley, Pulse Food Reviewer

T

he hot dog’s place in America’s national consciousness had already been cemented at the beginning of the last century, and generation after generation has feasted on them at family cookouts, holiday celebrations, and sporting events. Despite that storied history, the hot dog often gets a bum rap. Susan Paden set out to change that a couple of years back. She reimagined both what the hot dog could be, and its place in American cuisine and culture. The result was Good Dog. The senses are almost overwhelmed when you enter. The environment itself is fun and quirky, with many features sourced from reclaimed items. The result conjures exactly the right thought—a reconstructed Americana, with each piece from the furniture to wall decorations evoking a history all its own en route to becoming an amalgamated whole.

The second sensory stimulus, the aroma, is likewise effected by a confluence of sources.

The all-beef, naturally cased hot dogs contribute their share, of course, and are joined by the hand-cut frites sizzling their way to perfection, and the house-made chili, among other scents, to create a mouth-watering mix.

“What we serve is fresh food, not fast food,” Susan told me. “Our name reflects the goodness in our products. We special order the best hot dogs, and get fresh produce to make everything we can right here—from fries to slaw, to

the herbs for our salad dressings that we grow ourselves.

The food itself is the experience here.”

The menu evidences that.

The Dogs range from regional favorites like the Chicago Dog, loaded down with yellow mustard, sweet relish, onion, tomato, dill pickles, sport peppers, celery salt and poppy seeds, to more inventive options like the BBQ Dog, slathered with the house barbecue sauce, bacon, slaw, and scallions.

I chose the Pimento Cheese Dog, covered with its namesake and sprinkled with diced tomatoes. Even with such flavorful toppings, the dog itself shone through. The snap a real hot dog gives is something to wonder at.

The Frites are a particular point of pride at Good Dog, and with good reason. If you’ve never had Europeanstyle French fries, they are enough of a reason in and of themselves for you to make a visit. Served in a cone, you are treated to the glories of the condiment gallery, with options from hot sauces to curry and/or wasabi ketchups, as well as my favorites, malt vinegar and the glorious fritesaus, a European concoction akin to mayonnaise, but better. Also, do yourself a flavor and liberally hit your frites with the “Dog Dust” provided on the tables.

If that’s too much work for you, frites are available topped with any number of the more than 30 toppings offered on dogs, as well. Options include the

Fred, with chili, cheese, and onion, and the BLT, with the obvious ingredients plus that fantastic fritesaus.

Vegetarians can get their fill at Good Dog, as well.

ALL menu items are available in a veggie version, including the bacon that tops several items. Vegan options are available on several items, as well a daily vegan soup offering. Salads are offered with housemade dressings, varying from a creamy Parmesan ranch to a honeyrosemary French.

Fresh cupcakes are also on offer. From red velvet with cream cheese icing to seasonal options like peach, they provide their own riff on Good Dog’s brand of Americana.

The menu is growing. Bratwursts are joining, followed soon by smothered baked potatoes.

You can follow additions, as well as keep up with unique weekly offerings, on Facebook and Twitter.

Good Dog offers good brews at great prices, too, from Heineken and Newcastle to domestics, and local beer on tap. “Top Shelf Tuesdays” indicate eight mystery beers available for $2 each.

“Thirsty Thursdays” mean $1 PBR tallboys, and on Friday nights, they stay open ‘til 10 p.m. with family-friendly live music for a great start to the weekend. If you can’t wait that long, Wednesdays are family night, with kids 12 and under receiving a free hot dog with an adult’s order.

Good Dog more than lives up to its name, offering a fun, delicious dining experience any American is sure to love.

Good Dog, 34 Frazier Ave. Open Saturday through Thursday, 11 a.m. to 8 p.m., and Friday, 11 a.m. to 10 p.m. (423) 475-6175 or check out www.eatatgooddog.com for more information.

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SCREEN

Film Feature

Bardem Finds Redemption in Biutiful

By Phillip Johnston, Pulse Film Critic

T

he films of Alejandro González Iñárritu are dour—but never dull. You have to give something to receive their riches.

Detach yourself and you will be confused; give yourself over and will find things in the world you never expected to find.

Biutiful, the director’s latest and this week’s selection in the Arts & Education Council’s Independent Film Series, is a film with that special power.

Biutiful takes us to the streets of Barcelona, Spain to follow a man who, at first glance, may seem hard to relate to. He is a medium, one who speaks to the dead, though that is not what this story is primarily about; and he is also a middle man between a corrupt police force and Chinese sweatshop owners who traffic workers of their own race into the country. We could view this man Uxbal (Javier Bardem) as an enemy, but inside him there is a profound struggle. He has been stricken with cancer, has little time to live, and wants to turn things around—but not in the predictable ways.

The film takes place in the very shadow of death and Uxbal carries the weight of that shadow on his shoulders like a heavy burden. The complexity of Javier Bardem’s performance is unnerving and, for all of Biutiful’s directorial flourishes, it remains the capstone of the film. Bardem’s character is in

We see it in the way Uxbal cares for his two children, Ana and Mateo.

Knowing that they need consistency but still unable to provide it, Uxbal progressively sacrifices more and more for them. Their mother, Marambra (Maricel Álvarez), is a tragedy. Stricken with bipolar disorder, Marambra is unpredictable and difficult for Uxbal to trust. But love covers a multitude of wrongs and, though he is not entirely innocent toward Marambra, Uxbal does his best to ensure she is cared for even as she is reluctant to accept.

Uxbal’s changed attitude toward Marambra is one of many instances of his taking a new posture toward his old life instead of simply running away. As he does this, he begins to comprehend what it means to be released from past failure and receive glimmers of absolution. He is becoming someone worth emulating and his children begin resembling little versions of him just as he, we learn, is becoming more and more like his own father whose ghost subtlety haunts his steps.

And this is what Iñárritu’s films are so often about—people who have sinned against one another in unimaginable ways finding, in their mutual frailty, a way toward forgiveness. His direction has the unique sensitivity of a master and his camera looks on the impoverished and dejected delicately and with great care.

Iñárritu and his cinematographer Rodrigo Prieto have crafted Biutiful intuitively. The most obvious example of this is the

“His direction has the unique sensitivity of a master and his camera looks on the impoverished and dejected delicately and with great care.” constant pain nearly every moment. He struggles down the streets of Barcelona, shoulders hunched, the sorrow of his station reflected in his eyes. Bardem is so much Uxbal that the contradictions of his character—that he is in the thrall of corruption, but remains empathetic in his attempt to do right—seem unforced.

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two different aspect ratios, a technical term for the size of a film’s image. In some moments, the image is bigger or smaller than in seconds past. This is not a fluke, but a compelling reason to see this film t h e a t r i c a l l y.

There are rare moments in Biutiful when the camera is not focused on or following Uxbal.

The film is about his perception of his last days. There is a key moment when that perception enlarged—when he finally grasps his total inability to right every single one of his many wrongs. Watch out; this is a smart film.

It is impossible to grasp Biutiful with one viewing and I give you the assurance of a promise that you will be partially confused by the end. But as the credits roll to the sound of Ravel’s “Piano Concerto in G”, a few of the pieces begin to assemble— the quick glances, the acts of love, the good intentions, the unshakable bond of a father’s love for his children. The heart of Biutiful is the grace manifested, even imperfectly, in Uxbal’s reparations—the amends he is able to make that stoke fire in the heart like glowing coals. Your mind may feel at sea, but your heart will not be cold.

Biutiful Directed by Alejandro González Iñárritu Starring Javier Bardem, Maricel Álvarez Rated R Running time: 2 hours, 28 minutes

SCREEN

New In Theaters

Can A Pretty Face Save A Confusing Movie?

By Kelly Lockhart, Pulse Film Reviewer

Limitless A copywriter discovers a top-secret drug, MDT48, that enhances intellect and other abilities.

As his usage begins to change his life, he begins to consider the drug’s shadowy origins; meanwhile, a group of killers trails his every move.

The best-selling novel from Alan Glynn lands on the big screen by a slightly unusual route: The screenplay was written by Leslie Dixon, who is best known for penning romantic comedies as well as the recent remake of Hairspray. The common wisdom is that the studio was trepidatious of such a highbrow concept and was hoping the combination of a rom-com writer and the handsome visage of star Bradley Cooper would bring in audiences in spite of the subject matter. That said, early reviews lead one to hope the studio didn’t spend too much money on the budget and Cooper will be able to find future projects that play more to his looks and charm than this confusing mess.

Starring Bradley Cooper, Anna Friel, Abbie Cornish, Robert DeNiro Directed by Neil Burger

The Lincoln Lawyer In Los Angeles, Mickey Haller is a criminal defense attorney who operates out of the back seat of his Lincoln Town Car. And while his latest case could be his most high paying in years, it also brings him close to unexpected evil. Lawyers have long dominated television, so it’s not surprising to see Hollywood diving back into the genre. Even so, one can be excused for thinking this is yet another John Grisham novel brought to the big screen, as author Michael Connelly treads well-worn territory staked out long ago

by Grisham. Even so, the likeability of Matthew McConaughey playing a lawyer (A Time to Kill remains his most successful film), combined with a sold supporting cast, could not only lead to a successful box office run, but could easily launch a new film franchise.

Starring Matthew McConaughey Directed by Brad Furman Paul Two British comic-book geeks traveling across the U.S. encounter an alien outside Area 51,

and with their unexpected new companion aboard their RV, they find themselves chased by federal agents—as well as the father of the young woman the trio accidentally kidnaps. It’s obvious from test screenings that Simon Pegg and his best friend and regular collaborator Nick Frost had an absolute blast making the film. But studios are beginning to wonder if basing movie projects on the strength of Comic-Con reviews may not be the best idea, as in spite of the obvious good-time vibe from Pegg and Frost, there are serious doubts whether Paul will appeal to the non-geek set. No doubt the core audience will flock in drove to the theater—and might boost opening-weekend ticket sales up to the point where regular movie audiences decide to check it out in following weeks during the normal late winter/early spring lull. And it certainly won’t hurt Pegg’s career if the film falters at the box office—his paycheck from the upcoming Star Trek sequel should more than make up for any box office flops.

Starring Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Seth Rogen Directed by Greg Mottola

Solution To Last Week's Crossword

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WINE & SPIRITS

Riley's Spirits Within

A Softer, Smoother Chardonnay

By Joshua Hurley, Riley's Wine & Spirits

Spring isn’t here just yet, but it sure feels like it’s coming. After the whitest winter in years, the tri-state area is probably ready for some warm weather and all it entails: picnics, hiking, ballgames and cookouts. The folks at Riley’s are ready for just such occasions, offering a special springtime “Great Buy”, perfect for your outdoor activity.

You’ll find our Great Buys in this weekly column brought to you by Riley’s Wine and Spirits on Hixson Pike in Hixson, where we pick something special from the area’s favorite selection of adult beverages from around the world, then share it with Chattanooga’s readership of The Pulse. This week’s pick is the all new Avant Chardonnay from Kendall Jackson.

Kendall Jackson was founded by an attorney named Jesse Jackson who purchased the property in 1974 to use as a weekend R&R retreat for him and his wife. In 1982, after years of recreational grape farming, he decided to apply his yield to the art of wine making. Later that same year, the first vintage of Kendall Jackson Vintner’s Reserve Chardonnay debuted.

The new chardonnay became an instant success with other varietals soon following in its wake to the same acclaim. Soon enough, Kendall Jackson was breaking into California’s list of top five wineries by the yearly release and the eventual selling out of high-rated “super premium” varietals year after year.

In fact, it could be said that the term “super premium”, which refers to wines with a retail price of $15 or higher, was invented by Kendall Jackson.

Chardonnay is the most popular white wine in the world and is planted wherever wine grapes are

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grown including France, Italy, Australia, Chile, Argentina, California and other areas in the U.S. It is also the key grape used in champagne, with some of the finest chardonnay grapes found in the famed Burgundy region of France. Just as chardonnay is the most popular white wine in the world, Kendall Jackson’s Vintner’s Reserve Chardonnay is probably the grape’s biggest seller.

For nearly 30 years Kendall Jackson has been releasing this outstanding chardonnay, and every year it receives critical acclaim. So it’s with great excitement and speculation that KJ Avant debuts, and with a younger generation of wine drinkers liking softer-style wines, the timing couldn’t be any better.

“Avant”, for those familiar with the French language, means “before”, as in “before oak imparts its distinctive flavor into the wine”, which gives chardonnays a woody, dry aftertaste known to put off younger wine drinkers accustomed to a fruit-forward taste. That’s not to say Avant Chardonnay is 100 percent tree-free, but with half the juice fermented in oak, while the other half goes into stainless steel tanks, a happy medium is created.

This preserves the fruity characteristics of the chardonnay grapes grown in Monterey, Santa Barbara and Mendocino, producing a one-ofa-kind fruit spectrum that includes pineapple, green apple, lemon, pear and freshly clipped botanicals. Partial oak fermentation gives Avant a slight “graham cracker” finish (half a world apart from its older brother KJ Vintner’s Reserve Chardonnay’s amous buttery oak finish), which perfectly balances this wine’s upfront fruit burst.

Avant is 13.5 percent alc by vol and is best when served at 55°F, which brings out its fruity character.

Try one today. Available at Riley’s now for $11.99 plus tax.

ENTERTAINMENT

Jonesin' Crossword & Rob Brezsny's Free Will Astrology PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): If I had to come up with a title for the next phase of your astrological cycle, it might be “Gathering Up.” The way I see it, you should focus on collecting any resources that are missing from your reserves. You should hone skills that are still too weak to get you where you want to go, and you should attract the committed support of allies who can help you carry out your dreams and schemes. Don’t be shy about assembling the necessities, Pisces. Experiment with being slightly voracious.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Like Bob Dylan in his 1962 song “A Hard Rain’s A-Gonna Fall,” you’ve done a lot of rough and tumble living lately. You’ve “stumbled on the side of twelve misty mountains.” You’ve “stepped in the middle of seven sad forests.” You’ve “been out in front of a dozen dead oceans.” Maybe most wrenching of all, you’ve “seen a highway of diamonds with nobody on it.” The good news is that the hard rain will end soon. In these last days of the downpour, I suggest you trigger a catharsis for yourself.

Consider doing something like what Dylan did: “I’ll think it and speak it and breathe it / And reflect it from the mountain so all souls can see it.”

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Mythologist Michael Meade says that the essential nature of every human soul is gifted, noble, and wounded. I agree. Cynics who exaggerate how messed-up we all are, ignoring our beauty, are just as unrealistic as naive optimists. But because the cynics have a disproportionately potent influence on the zeitgeist, they make it harder for us to evaluate our problems with a wise and balanced perspective. Many of us feel cursed by the apparent incurability of our wounds, while others, rebelling against the curse, underestimate how wounded they are. Mead says: “Those who think they are not wounded in ways that need conscious attention and careful healing are usually the most wounded of all.” Your task in the next few weeks, Taurus, is to make a realistic appraisal of your wounds.

Across 1 One of Barack’s daughters 6 Glazier’s piece 10 Cake time, for short 14 In base 8 15 Month on the Hebrew calendar 16 Wine-lover’s prefix 17 Get on the ground and move 18 Reads 20 Fish co-owned by pianist Myra and exJets owner Leon?

22 Suffix meaning “inclined to” 23 Longtime Pink Floyd label 24 Beatnik’s assent 25 Glove compartment item 26 Barely ___ on the radar 30 Doubly-demonic rapper/actor?

35 Leave off 37 It’s not designed to be a lint trap

38 Tattoo parlor supplies 39 Gathering where everyone’s all, “What up, everybody?”

42 Sandbar 43 Homeopathic diet drops in 2011 health news 44 ___ Jr. (Sprout competitor) 47 Golfer Michelle 48 Get some grub 51 Poet who elicits a lot of giggles?

55 “ER” actress Julianna 56 King of the gods, in Hindu mythology 57 Opera song, or a Vegas Strip hotel 58 Office corr., sometimes 59 “Today” co-anchor Matt 60 Lions’ homes 61 Horse-drawn carriage 62 Joints for pleading?

Down 1 Russian host of the 2014 Olympics 2 Farmer’s expanse 3 Narc’s find 4 Hems and ___ 5 Herbal remedy whose name suggests it does a lot 6 Drink with a Max variety 7 Pub options 8 Finnish runner Paavo 9 Spanish hero played

by Charlton Heston 10 Humorous news website whose logo is a girl with a jackhammer 11 “Whip It” band 12 From the top 13 Attention-getting shouts 19 Historic name in supercomputers 21 Put on the payroll 25 Biofuel from cows 27 Like some odds 28 Variety 29 Slumber party garb

30 “___ Silver, away!”

31 U2 album “Rattle and ___” 32 Summer, in St. Tropez 33 Polygraph detection 34 “___ Fly” (Dixie Chicks song) 35 “Exes & ___” (series on Logo) 36 “Whatever” grunt 40 American statesman Root 41 Frozen dessert 45 Biological building blocks 46 Urban in country 47 Weak-willed 48 Provide (with) 49 See eye to eye 50 Former Russian rulers 51 March ___ 52 Scott Baio co-star Moran 53 Michael of “Scott Pilgrim vs. the World” 54 ___ instant 55 ___ Hatter

Crossword created By Matt Jones. © 2011 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle #0511.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Metallica’s frontman James Hetfield brashly bragged to Revolver magazine that he was proud his music was used to torture prisoners at the U.S. military’s detention camp in Guantanamo Bay. I urge you to make a more careful and measured assessment of the influences that you personally put out into the world. It’s time to find out how closely your intentions match your actual impact—and to correct any discrepancies. How are people affected by the vibes you exude and the products you offer and the words you utter and the actions you undertake?

CANCER (June 21-July 22): “In the absence of clearlydefined goals,” said Cancerian writer Robert Heinlein, “we become strangely loyal to performing daily trivia until ultimately we become enslaved by it.” If this description is even a partial match for the life you’re living, now is an excellent time to address the problem. You have far more power than usual to identify and define worthy goals—both the short-term and long-term variety. If you take advantage of this opportunity, you will find a better use for the energy that’s currently locked up in your enslavement to daily trivia.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): As I was mulling over your astrological omens, I came across a short poem that aptly embodies the meaning of this moment for you. It’s by Richard Wright, and goes like this: “Coming from the woods / A bull has a lilac sprig / Dangling from a horn.” Here’s one way to interpret this symbolic scene: Primal power is emerging into a clearing from out of the deep darkness.

It is bringing with it a touch of lithe and blithe beauty—a happy accident.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): As I see it, you have one potential enemy in the coming weeks: a manic longing for perfection. It’s OK to feel that longing as a mild ache. But

if you allow it to grow into a burning obsession, you will probably undo yourself at every turn. You may even sabotage some of the good work you’ve done. My recommendation, then, is to give yourself the luxury of welcoming partial success, limited results, and useful mistakes. Paradoxically, cultivating that approach will give you the best chance at getting lots of things done. Here’s your motto for the week, courtesy of Theodore Roosevelt: “Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.”

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): When I was nine years old, one of my favorite jokes went like this: “What’s worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Give up? Biting into an apple and finding half a worm.” According to my reading of the astrological omens, Libra, that’s a good piece of information for you to keep in mind right now. If and when a serpent offers you an apple, I hope you will sink your teeth into it with cautious nibbles. I’m not saying you shouldn’t bite, just that you should proceed warily.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Normally we think of a garbage dump as a spot where we go to get rid of trash and outworn stuff we no longer need. It emits a stench that wafts a great distance, and it’s a not a place where you wear your finery. But there is a dump in northern Idaho that diverges slightly from that description. It has the usual acres of rubbish, but also features a bonus area that the locals call “The Mall.” This is where people dispose of junk that might not actually be junk. It has no use for them any more, but they recognize that others might find value in it. It was at The Mall where my friend Peter found a perfectly good chainsaw that had a minor glitch he easily fixed. I suspect that life may be like that dump for you in the coming week: a wasteland with perks.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): According to Argentinian writer Jorge Luis Borges, time “is a tiger that devours me, but I am the tiger; it is a fire that consumes me, but I am the fire.” I believe he meant for that statement to be true for all of us. Luckily for you, though, you’ll soon be getting a temporary exemption. For a while, you’ll be more like the tiger than the one the tiger devours; you will have more in common with the fire than with the one consumed by the fire. In other words, Sagittarius, you will have more power than usual to outwit the tyrannies of time. Are you ready to take advantage? You’re primed to claim more slack, more wiggle room, more permission.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): San Francisco band Smash-Up Derby approaches their music-making with a spirit that might be useful for you to emulate in the coming week, Capricorn. Each of their songs is a blend of two famous tunes. Typically, the instrumentalists play a rock song while the singers do a pop hit with a similar chord progression. Imagine hearing the guitars, bass, and drums play Nirvana’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit” while the lead vocalist croons Lady Gaga’s “Bad Romance.” The crucial part of their ongoing experiment is that it works. The sound coming from the stage isn’t a confusing assault. You could pull off a challenge like that: combining disparate elements with raucous grace.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Last August I wrote you a horoscope that spoke of opportunities you’d have to upgrade your close relationships. I said you’d be tested in ways that would push you to get more ingenious and tenacious about collaborating with people you cared about. Hoping to inspire you, I cited two people I know who have successfully re-imagined and reinvented their marriage for many years.

In response, one reader complained. “Yuck!” his email began. “I thought I was getting a horoscope but instead I got a sentimental self-help blurb in the style of Reader’s Digest.”

I took his words to heart. As you Aquarians enter a new phase when you could do a lot to build your intimacy skills, I’ll try something more poetic: Succulent discipline and luminous persistence equals incandescent kismet.

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OPINION

Ask A Mexican

You Won’t Find the Chupacabra in Juarez Dear Mexican, Why is it que cada vez that I talk to a Hispanic (not many Mexicans in New York, yet), it seems that they have a fantasma that they think lives in their house? I know that Carlos Mencia has used this in his material, but I wonder if la raza is more liable to be haunted than other ethnic groups.

Also, why does the chupacabra only live in Hispanic areas (including the South Bronx) but never in rural Mississippi?

— Spooked in Soho

Gustavo Arellano

Dear Gabacho, This column is ¡Ask a Mexican!, not ¡Ask a Hispanic!, but I’m making a exception for you because doing so allows me to dispel a long-held myth: the chupacabra isn’t Mexican. The fantastical creature that preys on livestock (hence, its Spanish name, which translates as “goatsucker”) has obsessed fortean minds and popular culture in the Americas for the past 15 years. Its first claimed sighting was in 1995 in Puerto Rico, and other witnesses across Latin America (including the American Southwest and Florida) have also have reported seeing the creature.

All cultures keep bloodsuckers as bogeymen—witness America’s current fascination with Twilight and True Blood, or how Know Nothings castigate Mexis as perpetual leeches. But as Benjamin Radford reported in his well-researched, well-written Tracking the Chupacabra: The Vampire Beast in Fact, Fiction and Folklore, folklorists have long considered Latin American culture a fountain of mysticism and tall tales, legends usually created as socio-Jungian explanations of life. The chupacabra, according to this school of pensamiento and a folkorist

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Radford cites with a bit of skepticism, is “a form of cultural resistance which many [Latinos] use to maintain social bonds and gain control over growing fears surrounding the perceived destructive effects of ‘toxic’ U.S. political and economic imperialism.”

Typical—when in doubt, blame the problems of Latinos on gabachos, the true Nosferatus.

Dear Mexican, A couple of weeks ago, to the horror of friends and family, my wife and I walked across the bridge from El Paso into Mexico for a day of wandering the mercados of Juárez in search of Salsa de la Viuda and Bohemia Obscura.

A quick Internet search suggests that there were over 3,000 murders in Juárez in 2010.

Our friends said we were crazy. We are both very comfortable mixing with Latinos in general. My wife is a “Spanish” person from northern New Mexico (call her a “Mexican” at your peril). Our view was that the drug lords are killing one another and are not much interested in a couple of day tourists in broad daylight in the tourist zone of Juárez. The fact that we saw only three other obvious gabacho tourists over the course of the day shows that U.S. tourists are terrified of Juárez. Most of the tourist mercados were closed (we were the only shoppers there). Most of the usual border liquor stores were boarded up, and those that were open had scant inventory. The mercados favored by the locals, on the other hand, were buzzing. So, were we crazy to go? We had a

The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 11 | March 17, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

great day even though we didn’t find the beer or salsa.

— Viviendo la Vida Loca Dear Gabacho, Your logic is the same as an American tourist walking through Baghdad during the height of the insurgency.

While your reasoning is fine—narcos usually shoot for their enemies or Mexican-Americans returning to the rancho, and lay off gunning at gabachos lest the U.S. Army pull another Punitive Expedition—they’re rather trigger-happy at the moment. Besides, why visit Juárez when you have El Paso—statistically and seemingly contradictorially one of the safest big cities in the United States—right across the border? They have everything Juárez has, plus Chico’s Tacos: purveyors of the doubleorder of rolled tacos, baptized in a flurry of cheddar cheese and tomato sauce, as close to a Mexican god since the days of Quetzalcoatl.

“Its first claimed sighting was in 1995 in Puerto Rico, and other witnesses across Latin America (including the American Southwest and Florida) have also have reported seeing the creature.”

GOOD MEXICAN OF THE WEEK! Another Chuco landmark—Cinco Puntos Press, purveyors of fine Mexican-American books, and a friend to the Mexican.

Their catalogue is at cincopuntos.com.

Have a question? Ask the Mexican at themexican@askamexican. net, be his fan on Facebook, follow him on Twitter or ask him a video question at www.youtube.com/askamexicano!

www.chattanoogapulse.com | March 17 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 11 | The Pulse

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