The Pulse - Vol. 8, Issue 3

Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative

FREE • NEWS, VIEWS, MUSIC, FILM, ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT • JANUARY 20, 2011 • VOLUME 8, ISSUE 3 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

2

The Pulse | Vol. 8, Issue 3 | January 20, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

PULSE BEATS 4 SHADES OF GREEN 6 ON THE BEAT 19 LIFE IN THE NOOG 25 ASK A MEXICAN 30

JANUARY

20 2011

ontents C

VOLUME 8, ISSUE 3 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

“Expect continued loss of biodiversity, deforestation, disease, famine, war, and increasing death rates.

Goodbye, McMansions.”

6

“We want to offer Chattanooga a higher level of entertainment in the form of bigger names.”

8

— Sandra Kurtz, preditcing the environmental future of the planet.

— Local developer Adam Kinsey, on plans for the new Track 29 concert venue.

“Argue all you want about whether 14 the Boomer generation has been good for the country or not.”

— Gary Poole dissecting the impact of the Boomer generation on music.

“We believe the livestock was placed in his car some time before he arrived.”

19

— Excerpt from an unusual Internal Affairs interview.

www.chattanoogapulse.com | January 20, 2011 | Vol. 8, Issue 3 | The Pulse

3

NEWS Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative President Jim Brewer, II Publisher Zachary Cooper Contributing Editor Janis Hashe News Editor / Layout Design Gary Poole Director of Sales Rhonda Rollins Advertising Sales Rick Leavell, Michelle Pih, Townes Webb Calendar Editors Bryanna Burns, Kat Dunn Graphic Design Jennifer Grelier Pulse Contributors Gustavo Arellano, Rob Brezsny Chuck Crowder, Michael Crumb John DeVore, Blake Hampton Janis Hashe, Sandra Kurtz Joshua Hurley, Matt Jones, Kelly Lockhart, Ernie Paik, Gary Poole, Alex Teach, Tara V Editorial Cartoonist Rick Baldwin Contact Info: Phone (423) 265-9494 Fax (423) 266-2335 Email Inquiries info@chattanoogapulse.com Calendar Submissions calendar@chattanoogapulse.com The Pulse is published weekly and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publishers may take more than one copy per weekly issue. The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors.

The Pulse is published by

Brewer Media 1305 Carter Street Chattanooga, Tennessee 37402 Letters to the editor must include name, address and daytime phone number for verification. The Pulse reserves the right to edit letters for space and clarity.

Please keep letters within 300 words in length.

The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on culture, the arts, entertainment and local news.

4

Pulse Beats

"Q"

A Weekend of Violence Mars the Winter’s Peace A resurgence in what appears to have been gang violence led to a shooting Saturday night on E. Main Street where a reported “large number” of teenagers had gathered. At least two separate rounds of gunshots scattered the crowd, with one 18 year old getting struck in the knee by a random bullet.

The teen was treated and released from the hospital, but frustrated law enforcement officers were left with a number of conflicting eyewitness statements and no clear suspects or motive for the shooting. One investigator spoke off the record and expressed frustration with the gang violence in the city. He said the department has made major inroads in the local gang organizations in the past year, arresting dozens o f violent offenders, and yet the violence seems to continue.

It was also a bad weekend for interpersonal relationships as two different domestic incidents ended in stabbings. An argument between a couple at an Atlanta Avenue residence led to the woman, Courtney HertleGreen, stabbing her boyfriend in the back with a pair of scissors.

She was arrested for aggravated assault,

The Pulse | Vol. 8, Issue 3 | January 20, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

“The main thing to remember about space and wall heaters is the ‘Three Foot Rule’, where you need to keep anything that will burn at least three feet away from those heaters to improve your safety.”

— Chattanooga Fire Department spokesman Bruce Garner, after a recent apartment fire caused by a couch placed too close to a heater.

and then her boyfriend, Effron Weaver, was discovered to have outstanding warrants and arrested at the hospital.

Later that evening, over on Borris Drive, a man who admitted to officers he’d been using drugs all day, battered down his sister’s bedroom d o o r and is alleged to have stabbed her boyfriend in the back and cut him on the head.

William Harrison was arrested for aggravated assault and possession of drug paraphernalia. The boyfriend was treated and released from the hospital, not having suffered a major injury.

And the final tale of violence happened at the E. 34th Post Office where a man broke in, stole $500 in cash and more than $9,000 worth of stamps and then forced two female postal workers to remove their tops. He is alleged to have fondled one of the women before fleeing.

Postal authorities and the FBI are investigsting the incident.

No one in local law enforcement has any explanation for what caused the weekend wave of crime and violence, other than to speculate that after people were cooped up at home for several days due to last week’s snowstorm, they just went a bit “stir crazy”.

• With all the debate over the new city take-home car policy, less than 60 officers with the Chattanooga Police Department opted to keep their vehicles and pay the extra costs when the new policy went into effect last Thursday. However, that did not keep hundreds of other officers from having to keep their patrol cars with them, as the city was not prepared for the large number of officers who opted not to take part in the program and simply did not have enough parking spaces available. City officials say that the recent snowstorm hampered plans to provide secure parking for officers, while several officers said they feel the city has nowhere close to the amount of parking space that will be needed.

• A Lookout Mountain business owner has become part of the national debate over political rhetoric. Mark Caldwell, owner of Publius Press, has a web site that sells political bumper stickers, including one that has drawn the ire of left-wing bloggers. The sticker in question, part of the web site’s humor collection, is a “Liberal Hunting Permit”. The bloggers felt strongly that the sticker was in bad taste, especially in light of the recent shootings in Tuscon, Arizona. Caldwell responded to criticism of his selling of the sticker by pointing out the disclaimer on the page that reads, in part, “If this sticker inspires you to murder people, do not buy it.”

NEWS

Commentary

Take Home Cars Most people would gladly pay for a take home car. Are the police officers kidding? They need to grow up. They are just spoiled.

Gary Dantzler Why is it not surprising that the city was completely unprepared for the vast majority of officers who decided to not take part in their take home car extortion? Did Mayor Littlefield and his staff really think a small parking lot was going to be large enough for the hundreds of officers who decided to drive themselves to work? Blaming the snow storm, as Littlefield’s media hack Richard Beeland did, is beyond ignorant. The fact is the city, as usual, had its collective head stuck in the sand and simply did not believe three out of four officers weren’t going to be bullied around.

Gene Walters Why do Mayor Littlefield and his lackeys on the city council have it in for the police department? It’s not like there’s a stream of recruits beating

Send all letters to the editor and questions to

info@chattanoogapulse.com We reserve the right to edit letters for content and space. Please include your full name, city and contact information.

down the doors wanting a job. In fact, from the various news reports it appears that the department is short-staffed by somewhere around 70 officers, and it’s only getting worse. Do we really need public art, an arts department, bloated administration salaries, etc. when we can’t even pay our police officers a competitive wage? Mayor Littlefield, this is our safety you’re messing with. In hindsight, I wish I had signed the recall petition.

David Lockwood

count on to let me know what’s going on around town as well as to lift up some political rocks and see what’s crawling underneath. Kudos to the entire staff, past and present, and all those that have contributed for keeping a local alternative voice alive and vibrant in Chattanooga.

Cindy Farley

Happy Birthday To The Pulse

I met Zack Cooper at JJ’s over the weekend (and what an incredible lineup he put together for the anniversary party) and he was as down-to-earth and funny as one would expect of an alt-weekly publisher. Keep up the good work, Zack, and let’s hope eight years from now you’ll be writing about the past 16 years of madness and mayhem as The Pulse keeps rocking onwards.

Jim Hunter

I find it hard to believe you guys have been around for eight years. It seems both much longer and much shorter. I made The Pulse a part of my weekly reading habits years ago and look forward each week to picking up the latest issue.

It’s become an old friend that I can

At first blush, the new look of The Pulse is really nice. It’s a good clean layout that doesn’t look slap dash. It’s refreshing to see an alternative paper take its layout seriously, like the political reporting it does. Happy anniversary, by the way.

Robin Seaman www.chattanoogapulse.com | January 20, 2011 | Vol. 8, Issue 3 | The Pulse

5

OPINION

Shades Of Green

A Look Forward at The Year in Green 2

011 is here, and what with the BP oil spill, numerous weatherrelated disasters, continuing loss of forests, species, and glaciers, a lingering recession, high unemployment, home foreclosures, the diminishing middle class, ongoing wars, and the divisiveness permeating civil discourse, is anyone sad to see 2010 gone?

It’s a social construct to say that January is when the year begins, but it’s as good a time as any to pause and reassess life. Where do we go from here? When you ask folks that question from an environmental perspective, you get varied answers. Here are my observations on our current status as residents on Earth and what we can expect in 2011.

storage techniques will be needed.

Technology can help.

Energy and Economy Transition Availability of cheap fossil fuels is coming to an end, forcing a transition to an equilibrium economy. The Always-GrowthPonzi-Scheme is over, but good solutions are on the immediate horizon. Wind and solar industries are growing rapidly and will be even more competitively priced in 2011. In California, there is a space-based solar-power plant under contract. In Lolland, Denmark, wind energy is being used to make hydrogen through electrolysis to produce electricity and heat.

A combination of conservation, efficiency and alternative energies can provide green jobs and allow us to phase out both coal-burning and nuclear fission with its high costs and never-safe radioactive waste. For transportation, expect to see more public transit and improved efficiency in automobile performance such as the opposed-piston opposed-cylinder engine (opoc).

Let’s close the door on old technology and old thinking.

Bonus: Air and water quality will improve!

Sandra Kurtz

Population Impacts There are seven billion of us on the planet! That’s up from 3 billion in 1960 moving to 9 billion by 2045.

Here’s how nature deals with overpopulation: When there is abundant food/energy to live, a population grows rapidly and consumes all edible food which then results in population die-off. The planet is not getting any bigger, but more people take up space and consume more food. Therefore, we must become more efficient and innovative in use of resources. In 2011, expect continued loss of biodiversity, deforestation, disease, famine, war, and increasing death rates. Goodbye, McMansions. Shared resources and smaller living spaces in village settings will save land for growing food. Water

6

Climate Change Impacts Whether you think global warming is caused by humans or not, it is here. Despite the jokes every winter, extreme snowstorms are evidence of climate change. In 2011, expect more catastrophic weather events, along with glacial and ice-sheet melting, leading to alterations

The Pulse | Vol. 8, Issue 3 | January 20, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

in once-interrelated life-support systems. Plants will not grow where they used to and tropical diseases and pests will move north, disrupting food supply. Seawater will keep drowning islands and coastlines, creating environmental refugees. Average Earth temperature goes up and carbon dioxide in the air will rise.

These are not doomsday predictions, but certainly require willingness to change. First step: Stop denying change won’t be needed. There are hopeful lights.

In 2011, expect more green jobs. Without cheap fossil fuels, we will foster more local self-reliance and sense of community. We can turn our homes into green-roofed

“In recognizing we must live in harmony with nature’s processes, we will cease overconsumption and eliminate waste.” power plants. We will walk and bike more, enjoy simple outdoor recreation, grow local food organically, obtain independence from oil and eliminate toxic and radioactive wastes. Obesity and food-related health problems will be reduced. In recognizing we must live in harmony with nature’s processes, we will cease overconsumption and eliminate waste. A new spirit of entrepreneurship and spiritual stewardship is already emerging ready to lead us through this transition. Let’s get started.

Sandra Kurtz is an environmental education consultant, a former classroom teacher and a founder of Tennessee Environmental Education Association. Presently she is executive co-director with the Urban Century Institute, a local nonprofit organization promoting sustainability and sustainable thinking.

NEWS

Politics & Crime A weekly roundup of the newsworthy, notable and often head-scratching stories gleaned from police reports from the Chattanooga Police Department, the Hamilton County Sheriff’s Office, the Bradley County Sheriff’s Department and the Dalton Police Department.

• Police officers often get called out to unusual accidents. But a kayak-related injury on a snow day? That wasn’t on a river?

A UTC student was hospitalized last week after trying to have some fun in the snow.

The 19 year old says he was “snow-yaking”, which involves sliding down a snow-covered hill in a kayak, when he was hit by a telephone cable. The college sophomore suffered several broken ribs and a collapsed lung. And he wasn’t the only one to get hurt playing in the snow. Officials at Erlanger Medical Center and Memorial Hospital each say they had numerous individuals visit their emergency rooms for treatment for snow-play-related injuries during the past week.

• However, not everyone wants to leave an emergency room, especially when it’s cold. Two people were arrested last week after being treated at Erlanger for refusing to leave the hospital. A 53-year-old Crossville man, who complained about the below freezing temperatures at the time the

treatment was concluded, told hospital staffers the only way they were going to get him to go back outside was to call the police. They obliged and he ended up in a nice warm cell, which was not likely his first choice of winter accommodations. The second incident involved a 51 year old man who was caught trying to sneak into a closed area where other patients were sleeping. He was also taken to the county jail.

• Yes, you have to pay your traffic tickets. A Kentucky-based truck driver who had ignored a 2006 traffic citation found out the hard way the local courts keep very good records. The driver was stopped and arrested when he made a return trip to Chattanooga and a check showed an outstanding warrant for failure to appear.

The original citation concerned driving an overweight tractor-trailer. For his lack of follow-through, the driver ended up having to cough up $2,000 in bond and will hopefully find it in his busy schedule to actually show up in court this time.

Here is one of the agenda items to be discussed at the Tuesday, January 25 meeting of the Chattanooga City Council.

7. Resolutions: a) A resolution authorizing the City Finance Officer to enter into an interlocal agreement with the Hamilton County Clerk and the Tennessee Department of Revenue that allows these agencies to collect revenue on behalf of the City for renewals of auto decals.

• While it’s usually nice to see the state highly ranked in national reports, some of those rankings are ones we’d rather not see. Tennessee has set another record when it comes to suspected meth lab seizures. Preliminary figures indicate that state and local law enforcement agencies found more than 2,100 methamphetetamine manufacturing setups in the past year. That’s the highest annual number yet.

And locally, Monroe County had the second-highest number of labs seized. State lawmakers are currently considering tighter control on the sale of pseudoephedrine, which is the main ingredient in meth.

Just a reminder to all Chattanooga residents that if you live inside the city limits and have a registered vehicle, you need to cough up an extra $5 for a “city sticker” when you renew your tag every year.

This resolution is one of the formality types that crop up on a regular basis in council meetings, but without it the city would lose out on thousands of dollars, something they can obviously ill afford at this time.

The Chattanooga City Council meets each Tuesday at 6 p.m. in the City Council Building at 1000 Lindsay St. For more information on the current agenda, and past minutes, visit www.Chattanooga.gov/City_Council

www.chattanoogapulse.com | January 20, 2011 | Vol. 8, Issue 3 | The Pulse

7

COVER STORY

Track 29

Hot Bands Will Make Tracks for Track 29

success and longevity are rooted in adult-like concession sales. Atlanta has the Tabernacle, Knoxville the Valarium, Nashville the Mercy Lounge and Cannery, hattanooga has never been without its share of great small music venues and Birmingham has Work/Play. Even Asheville, a town smaller than Chattaover the years. Right now, hot spots like JJ’s Bohemia, Lindsay Street Hall, the nooga, has the Orange Peel, which was recently named by Rolling Stone as one Market Street Tavern and Rhythm & Brews all feature both up-and-coming of the top live venues in America. So why not Chattanooga? national acts as well our own favorite local Local developers Adam Kinsey and Josh Mcbands.

Manus are well on their way to making this But imagine a local band such as Black dream a reality right here at home. For the past Diamond Heavies or Moonlight Bride mak18 months, they’ve been researching the aforeing it as big as like-sounding bands such as mentioned venues and assessing the viability of The Black Keys or the Killers. Where would such a facility to be located in on the Southside. an act that can draw as many as 2,000 fans And in late summer 2011, they’ll finally unveil play a homecoming gig? their state-of-the-art creation, Track 29.

Some might say the Tivoli or the MemoriTo be housed in the former ice-skating facilal Auditorium, but limitations with libations ity on the Chattanooga Choo Choo campus, make the financial outlay of promoting bands of that level a risk most promot- Track 29 will feature national touring acts in an intimate setting. The venue ers aren’t willing to take. Venues in other Southeastern cities have found that will be unique to the area in that it offers a full bar, state-of-the-art sound and

By Chuck Crowder • Photography by Blake Hampton

C

“We want to offer Chattanooga a higher level of entertainment in the form of bigger names that typically overlook the area due to the lack of a proper performance facility.”

8

The Pulse | Vol. 8, Issue 3 | January 20, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

COVER STORY

Track 29

lighting technology, rentable VIP rooms, comfortable dressingroom facilities, and will be completely scalable in size for crowds ranging from 750 to 2,000 capacity.

“We want to offer Chattanooga a higher level of entertainment in the form of bigger names that typically overlook the area due to the lack of a proper performance facility,” says Kinsey. “Other Southeastern cities attract current bands and larger crowds because they have facilities similar to what we’re doing.”

Track 29 will offer concertgoers ample parking with 900 on-location spaces and plenty close by, a full bar with beer, wine and alcohol, a sound-equipped outdoor smoking area and a professional sound-and-lighting system for an experience currently unavailable in Chattanooga. In addition, VIP rooms will be available for rent with comfortable seating, dedicated servers, private restroom facilities and a bird’s eye view of the stage.

This concept will prove to be very different than any other Chattanooga venue. While the Tivoli and Memorial Auditorium can seat thousands, they’re limited in revenue generation due to sparse, if not unavailable, concessions. Smaller clubs like JJ’s Bohemia and even Rhythm & Brews, which offer a full range of “refreshments” serve a viable function in delivering acts that can’t achieve Track 29’s minimum attendance goal of 750 but are limited in capacity to 400 or less music fans. But the most obvious difference is that no local venue offers the same level of quality experience you’ll be able to expect from Track 29.

“We’re not attempting to compete with Chattanooga’s great mix of outstanding venues,” says McManus. “Our goal is to complete the continuum

of live music venues by offering a world-class stage for drawing current bands—the ones you’re wearing out on your iPod right now. We as a city have had trouble securing the bands everybody currently likes because of this void in venue choices.”

What kinds of bands, you might ask? Track 29 hopes to draw current, relevant bands that are at the height of their popularity. They may even be bands you’ve seen at Rhythm & Brews or Nightfall when you’d never heard of them but are now all over college and Internet radio stations. The annual Bonnaroo music and arts festival, held just 70 miles up the road, has always been a forerunner in delivering bands during their heyday. But how does a city or venue achieve bookings of this quality, and tremendously popularity, at the time when you’re way stoked about seeing them?

“You have to have the right venue in the right location with plenty of parking, affordable ticket prices, alcohol availability, great sound and lighting, band amenities, and of course, the right mix

of acts,” Kinsey says. “We hope to offer around eight-to-ten events per month, ranging from live bands and DJs to comedians and themed parties.

Some will be larger acts that draw thousands, and some will be smaller bands that might only draw a few hundred.”

What’s also unique about Track 29 is that the entire 40-foot-by32-foot stage and sound and lighting rigs can be moved back and forth within the facility’s 22,000 square feet to scale the room to match the size of each show’s crowd. This will enable Track 29 to provide an intimate concert experience for national acts of various appeals, from up-and-comers Mumford & Sons and MGMT to larger acts like The Black Keys and Smashing Pumpkins, for example.

“To be housed in the former ice-skating facility on the Chattanooga Choo Choo campus, Track 29 will feature national touring acts in an intimate setting.”

“We’ve done a lot of research on similar facilities in [other] cities,” says McManus. “They are all having tremendous success not only booking bigger and better bands, but also attracting tourists due in large part to the exceptional experience that can be expected from the performance venue. If you can see your favorite band in an intimate setting with great sound and lighting, a 100-mile drive and

www.chattanoogapulse.com | January 20, 2011 | Vol. 8, Issue 3 | The Pulse

9

COVER STORY

Track 29

overnight stay isn’t a problem. And that’s good for Chattanooga’s economy.”

Track 29 organizers hope to take advantage of Chattanooga’s “perfect getaway” appeal by pulling audiences from their larger hometowns, where seeing a live show can be a costly, trafficridden, overcrowded pain in the neck.

They also hope to capitalize on Chattanooga’s proximity to the tour trails of I-75, I-59 and I-24 that pass through town.

But how does a great venue like this draw bands who’ve until now considered Chattanooga as simply a good place to grab some gas and a sandwich on their way to gigs in larger nearby cities? Club owners, as well as Drive By Truckers frontman Patterson Hood, have provided Kinsey and McManus with a list of some simple amenities sure to increase their venue’s street cred among the band community in ways that can make it desirable to play, and thus, easier to book.

washers and dryers, Internet access and other perks to encourage bands to ask their booking agents to stop here.

Word spreads fast in the touring community and we don’t expect getting good entertainment to be a problem at all.”

Promoters like Bonnaroo organizers AC Entertainment and others will be enlisted to help book acts. Having the influence of those who’ve proven themselves already delivers an earned trust in luring booking agents and bands towards a new venue, and possibly a town they’ve never played.

“I’m excited about Track 29,” says AC Entertainment’s Patrick Roddy. “Chattanooga has always been underserved in the quality of venue that we’ve had success with in other cities for years. Just look at our Orange Peel in Asheville, “In addition to a great concert experience for the Minglewood Hall in Memphis and Valarium in fan, we found these venues are able to attract bands Knoxville. We know that Track 29 will soon be on in part because of what they offer a hard-working that list of success stories and we can’t wait to get touring act as well,” says Kinsey. “We will have involved.” comfortable dressing rooms with couches, showers, Knoxville-based DV Communications will pro-

“Like Bonnaroo, and even our own Chattanooga FC, we’ll utilize traditional advertising, as well as the power of social media, as grassroots efforts to promote the venue and concerts.”

10

The Pulse | Vol. 8, Issue 3 | January 20, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

COVER STORY

Track 29

vide sound and lighting services on the specifications and quality of a typical national touring rider contract normally reserved for larger venues rather than traditional clubs.

“The experience you’ll get from the sound and lighting will be much more on the scale of a concert than a club show,” says DV Communications’ Paul Gussack, who each year manages Bonnaroo’s second-largest stage, and will lead Track 29’s sound and lighting team. “We’ll be using a line-array sound system, which combines the efforts of each and every speaker for a more consistent, evenly distributed sound. And the lighting configurations will just be amazing, to say the least.”

With a downtown college campus of more than 10,000 students and international transplants moving in to work at VW, Alstom and Amazon, Chattanooga is primed to up the ante musical-

ly. And if you think we’re not ready for it, just look at examples such as Chattanooga FC, our two-year-old soccer start-up that is drawing thousands to each match while their peer teams can rarely scare up hundreds.

“Like Bonnaroo, and even our own Chattanooga FC, we’ll constantly utilize both traditional advertising, as well as the power of social media, as grassroots efforts to promote the venue and concerts. The rest is up to the great reputation we know we’ll achieve over time,” said McManus. “Chattanooga is long overdue for a professional performance venue of this caliber—especially for attracting and retaining youthful audiences. We’re sure Track 29 will set the new gold standard.”

Track 29 For more information, visit them at www.facebook.com/Track29

www.chattanoogapulse.com | January 20, 2011 | Vol. 8, Issue 3 | The Pulse

11

MUSIC

Feature

Why Machines Are People Too

By Tara V, Pulse Music Writer

T

wo years ago, I embarked on a journey to begin fulfilling my destiny to make an impact on a community instead of trying to run away from it. Luckily, I was not the first or the last to feel this way.

On one of those nights two years ago I had the honor of introducing the band we are spotlighting this week. It was a benefit show for a local Green Lifer and I remember that this night I realized: No matter your ties or tattoos, the sense of passion for helping others and music was alive. If this sense of energy and compassion could be harnessed into a dreamy dance cream pop electro indiecicle of light, it would indeed be manifested into Machines Are People Too. When I showed up to a still-snowman-infested St. Elmo this past week to hang out with the boys, I was greeted by an orange can of Crunk Juice. The band was recently chosen by Crunk Juice from about 15 bands, and has the most hits on their page. Now this could open up some fun doors. I really needed some Crunk at the time and the six cases and Crunk Powder in the living room were quite entertaining. We all cracked one open and began the discussion about what was going on this year with a group of guys I have come to love to watch grow.

had an instant want to lay vocals on J.J.’s beats.

(Does that sound dirty?)

The guys started working together and began playing around town, mostly at J.J.’s Bohemia for Computers and Friends, houseparties, and then what became one of Brian’s favorite shows at 2009’s Main x 24 After Party at the Church on Main.

I was at this one and it was cold as sin in that church. But the guys played on and learned their first lesson in drunken dancers spilling drinks on equipment. As their equipment shorted out in the middle of a cover of “Hey Jude” by the Beatles, the crowd na-na-na’d into the morning. The realization that this could be so much more created a need for more members, and luckily a stormy Lake party brought on Cain Lassiter, now on bass and keys, and shortly after, Ivan Garcia on drums and back-up vocals. This gave the band a more rounded sound and took them out of the Mac stage and into the electronic base with the structure of a garage band.

Though J.J. Clark returned to Franklin this year to take a much-needed break, the trio continues on its 2011 resolutions.

2010 provided MRP2 many learning experiences, as it did for many of us. This past year, they were lucky enough to catch on with a booking crew out of Atlanta by the name of 4th Ward Heroes, who are involved with The Star Bar and ATL local musicians. While cruising their site, I saw names such as The Constellations,

“If this sense of energy and compassion could be harnessed into a dreamy dance cream pop electro indiecicle of light, it would indeed be manifested into Machines Are People Too.” Founding members J.J. Clark (keys/beat slayer) and Brian Sylvester (keys/vocals/guitar), both transplants from Franklin, TN, had never met before relocating to Chattanooga. Their paths crossed at a houseparty in Highland Park, and Brian

12

The Pulse | Vol. 8, Issue 3 | January 20, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

The Howlies, J. Roddy Walston and the Business and more.

These are some great acts, and it is good to have more of our Chattanoogans showing face in these markets. The band has been confirmed for AlphaPalooza in May 2011, alongside many other national acts in the mountains of TN for three days and is in talks for beginning a six-month trial signing with Indian Summer. Their track “I Get By” is also on the airwaves in Guadalajara, Mexico. “I’m big in Mexico” shirts are already on the to-do list.

Machines are People Too has big plans for 2011—and you can check out the video that my Chattanooga State media colleague Graham Unelski put together on their MySpace page and get a free download of “Give Up” on soundcloud.com. As the Crunk juice started to crash the man behind the lyrics, Brian explained that his words come from real life experience and serve as a way to “…document life and then share it with hundreds of people”. I understand this statement all too well and as we enter the eighth year of The Pulse, I look back on the past year with my Brewer Family and want to give my warmest gratitude for being able to share, support, be myself, and do the same. So rock those ties and tattoos—and no matter what, remember the next time you want to toss your computer…Machines Are People Too. MRP2 and Big Gigantic 9 p.m.

Wednesday, February 23 412 Market/Mosaic 412 Market Street See MRP2's Facebook page for more info

MUSIC

Ernie Paik's New Music Reviews

Various Artists The Sound of Siam (Soundway)

“It becomes clear that there is an intriguing and strangely appealing musical vibe going on here that goes far beyond Western approaches.”

Giuseppe Ielasi

Rock and pop music from the Western world was pervasive in the ’60s, and that’s apparent on a cursory listen to the compilation The Sound of Siam, subtitled “Leftfield Luk Thung, Jazz and Molam from Thailand 1964-1975.” These are hardly conventional or recognizable facsimiles of familiar tunes, though, and quickly, it becomes clear that there is an intriguing and strangely appealing musical vibe going on here that goes far beyond Western approaches.

Chris Menist, the compiler of The Sound of Siam, relocated from England to Bangkok a few years ago and was struck by the odd sounds he heard there while crate digging in record stores, and the solid and fascinating collection at hand features wildly distinctive selections and concentrates on three of Menist’s favorite styles. Luk Thung is the Thai equivalent of country music, sung from rural perspectives, and Molam is a traditional song form from Isan, the northeast region of Thailand, presented in its modern incarnation with a mix of electric, rock-combo instruments with acoustic ones. As for jazz—it’s out there; one example, “Pleng Yuk Owakard” by the Viking Combo Band, is like some kind of avantgarde beatnik mind-movie soundtrack, with snatches of a drum kit, flute, a psycho organ, a menacing guitar, bongos, and unsettling,

(third) Stunt (Dekorder)

Italian musician Giuseppe Ielasi’s latest project was created using a turntable and a stack of vinyl records for its source sounds, which were then arranged digitally, and if this sounds to you like a project akin to the pop/rock/hip-hop sample frenzy that is Gregg Gillis’s Girl Talk, then you’d be mistaken. The third installment in Ielasi’s trilogy of 6-song EPs follows 2008’s Stunt and 2009’s (another) Stunt with an embrace of vinyl surface noise

hair-raising spoken-word vocals.

At times, the songs on The Sound of Siam are a glorious mess of genres, featuring influences from India, soul-funk horns, psychedelic rock, and moves copped from spy film scores, and one standout is Saknatee Srichiangmai’s “Nom Samai Mai” which has a nice swagger, an extreme-wah guitar mirrored by a glockenspiel, and a heavy horn vamp. Amid all of the unusual sonic touches throughout the compilation is an equally diverse selection of vocal performances and techniques, singing about everything from carnal topics to soup and papaya salad.

and the sound of dropping a stylus into a record groove. These aren’t sample mashups; the constructions are more abstract than that, with patterns that last a few seconds, at times resembling glitchy electronic music in the vein of Aphex Twin or Oval.

However, the non-obvious rhythms push it away from being mathematical, robotic music-making. (third) Stunt differs slightly from its predecessors by going into even more abstract territory and staying away from well-worn scratching techniques and the use of long snippets.

One artist that comes to mind while listening to (third) Stunt is Plunderphonicspurveyor John Oswald, but with more repetition and a lower density; in particular, it’s Ielasi’s use of tiny sound-slivers—long enough to plant a kernel into the listener’s

consciousness—that is reminiscent of Oswald’s own sound philosophy, in particular heard on his masterpiece Plexure. Ielasi takes apparent inspiration from electroacoustic music as well, which developed in Europe in the mid-20th century, using manipulated recorded sounds to make a new music form; in this context, Ielasi shares a certain aesthetic with electroacoustic composers who carefully arranged not only the sounds but the spaces between the sounds. The sonic mixture includes elements such as nasal vocal drones, hand drums, piano notes, clicks, splats, satellite beeps, and tone whimpers. At twenty minutes, (third) Stunt is just the right length— an otherworldly voyage that’s simultaneously artificial and structured while being organic and abstract. www.chattanoogapulse.com | January 20, 2011 | Vol. 8, Issue 3 | The Pulse

13

MUSIC

On The Radio

Boomer Music Is Still The Grooviest

By Gary Poole, Pulse News Editor

T

he largest generation in American history has had more written and said about it than any other generation past or present. Everywhere you turn, be it online, in print, on television or at the box office, you are bombarded with “Boomer Mania”. A generation nearly 77 million strong is hard to ignore from any standpoint—cultural, political, material or artistic. Add in to the mix that the Baby Boom Generation is considered to be the healthiest, wealthiest and most socially active generation ever seen in American history, and you have a group that refuses to be ignored.

Which is why it is interesting to see the birth of a new radio station that has specifically targeted that generation. The amusingly named “Hippie Radio” (owned by the same parent company as The Pulse, it must be noted) launched last week on 106.9 FM with Rare Earth’s “I Just Want To Celebrate”.

Which seems apropos, as Boomers have been celebrating themselves culturally for decades, and their influence on art, film, entertainment and music remains as strong today as it has ever been.

always get better, even if it doesn’t appear that way at any given moment.

Bill Clinton was the first Boomer to become president, followed by fellow Boomers George W. Bush and Barack Obama. Though all three oversaw periods of strife, tragedy and hardship, all three also shared a common belief that even the most intractable problems had a solution. Many of the solutions the three leaders tried may not have worked as well as they had hoped, if at all, but none of them ever once considered that there was no solution.

That belief is inherent in the music of the Boomer generation. From Joni Mitchell’s “Woodstock”, as performed by Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young, which celebrated the seminal musical event of their generation, to the music born in protest of the Vietnam War, such as Creedence Clearwater Revival’s “Fortunate Son”, Boomers have expressed their hopes, their desires, and even their anger in song.

And what amazing music it was, and still is. The Beatles disbanded more than 40 years ago, yet Hippie Radio is far from being the only station still playing their music. One of the most eagerly awaited video games of 2009 was The Beatles: Rock Band. And trust me, it wasn’t the Boomers the game was being targeted to; Generations X, Y, and the Millennials scooped up the game in record numbers, buying upwards of three-quarters of a million copies in the first year alone.

The influence of Boomer music is even more obvious in the advertising world. A recent example, also drawn from the video game world dominated by the children and grandchildren of the Boomers, is the use of The Rolling Stones’ “Gimme Shelter” to promote Call of Duty: Black Ops, a game set in the Cold War era that is the heart of the Boomer generation.

“Argue all you want about whether the Boomer generation has been good for the country or not, what cannot be argued is their music still stands the test of time.”

A generation that came of age in the turbulence of the ’60s, educated themselves in the ’70s and bred a new generation in the ’80s is not moving quietly into the sunset as retirement starts approaching. They are living longer, playing harder and focusing on what is arguably the defining characteristic of their generation: the expectation that things can

14

The Pulse | Vol. 8, Issue 3 | January 20, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

That a song that was recorded in 1969 is still considered relevant more than 40 years later speaks volumes about the cultural power and impact of the Boomers.

But there is another aspect of Boomer music that is often overlooked: its playfulness. Listening to Hippie Radio while writing this—and it must be noted that I am a GenXer, not a Boomer—I was finding myself smiling quite a bit at the song selection. From the Jackson 5 telling me that ABC was as easy as 123, to ? & The Mysterians counting down all 96 of their tears, to Marc Bolan and his dinosaurically named T. Rex urging me to bang on a gong, I was both entertained and amused.

Music scholars can spend all the time they want dissecting and analyzing the lyrical genius of Bob Dylan, the cultural impact of Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band, or whether or not Bruce Springsteen was more important than Joni Mitchell. What I care about is much simpler: Is the music any good?

Argue all you want about whether the Boomer generation has been good for the country or not; what cannot be argued is their music still stands the test of time. Not every Boomer was, in fact, a hippie (take a look at photos from Woodstock and see how many people had short hair and were not wearing tie-dye), but nearly every Boomer will identify with what Hippie Radio is playing.

As well as many of us non-Boomers. Peace, man, and keep the lava lamp shining.

www.chattanoogapulse.com | January 20, 2011 | Vol. 8, Issue 3 | The Pulse

15

MUSIC

Concert Calendar FRIDAY

THURSDAY

The New Familiars with The Bluegrass Pharoahs

American rock and roll— and bluegrass. $7 9:30 p.m.

Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com

Thursday

Jimmy Harris 6:30 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Open Mic 8 p.m. The CampHouse, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081. www.thecamphouse.com Crossfire 9 p.m. The Lounge at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com SOULEDOUT! Classic and Modern Soul with DJ K7 10 p.m. The Social, 1110 Market St., Ste. 101.

Friday

16

Johnny Cash Tribute Band 5 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo Victorian Lounge, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-5000.

The Pulse | Vol. 8, Issue 3 | January 20, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

Ben Friberg Trio 6 p.m. Table 2, 232 E. 11th St. (423) 756-8253. www.table2restaurant.com Jimmy Harris 6:30 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Glowing Bordis, Ashley and the X’s, Wet Cadillac 8 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia Gerle Haggard 8 p.m. Good Dog, 34 Frazier Ave. (423) 475-6175. www. eatatgooddog.com Skin Deep 8 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs Downtown, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956. www.sugarsribs.com Cadillac Saints 8 p.m. Southside Saloon & Bistro, 1301 Chestnut St. (423) 757-4730. southsidesaloonandbistro.com Priscilla & Little Ricky 8:30 p.m. The Foundry, 1201 South Broad St. (423) 756-3400. www.chattanooganhotel.com Ryan Oyer 9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn). facebook.com/theofficechatt Critty Upchurch 9 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919. www.myspace.com/jimstriker

DJ and Dancing 9 p.m. Spectators, 7804 E. Brainerd Rd. (423) 648- 6679.

DJ and Dancing 9 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777. www.bartslakeshore.com DJ and Dancing 9 p.m. The Lounge at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com The Distribution with The Deep Fried 5 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com Butch Ross 10 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike. (423) 266-1996. www.tremonttavern.com Karaoke 10 p.m. Chattanooga Billiards Club East, 110 Jordan Dr. (423) 499-3883. www.cbcburns.com Booger Holler 10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com Channing Wilson 10 p.m. T-Bones, 1419 Chestnut St. (423) 266-4240. www.tboneschattanooga.com

Saturday

Johnny Cash Tribute Band 5 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo Victorian Lounge, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-5000. www.choochoo.com

Glowing Bordis, Ashley and the X’s, Wet Cadillac

“Native Tongues” showcase of new local bands.

$5 8 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-1400. myspace.com/jjsbohemia

Jimmy Harris 6:30 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055.

Blue John 8 p.m. Charles & Myrtle's Coffeehouse, 105 McBrien Rd. (423) 892-4960. www.christunity.org Bounty Hunter Band 8 p.m. Southside Saloon & Bistro, 1301 Chestnut St. (423) 757-4730. southsidesaloonandbistro.com The Accidental Circus with Ickybod Crankin and The Dandasha Bellydance Show 8 p.m. Barking Legs, 1322 Dodds Avenue. (423) 624-5347. www.barkinglegs.org The Pool 8 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs Downtown, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956. www.sugarsribs.com

MUSIC

Concert Calendar

SATURDAY

Blue John

Duo plays a mix of acoustic styles. $10 8 p.m.

Charles & Myrtle’s Coffeehouse, 105 McBrien Rd. (423) 892-4960. www.christunity.org

Priscilla & Little Ricky 8:30 p.m. The Foundry, 1201 South Broad St. (423) 756-3400.

Tommy Davis 9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn). facebook.com/theofficechatt JK and The Lost Boys 9 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919. www.myspace.com/jimstriker DJ and Dancing 9 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055.

DJ and Dancing 9 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777. www.bartslakeshore.com Jordan Hallquist 10 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike. (423) 266-1996. www.tremonttavern.com David Dyke 10 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (433) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com

SUNDAY

Karaoke with DJ Stoli 10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com Slippery When Wet 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com No Big Deal 10 p.m. T-Bones, 1419 Chestnut St. (423) 266-4240. www.tboneschattanooga.com

Sunday

Open Mic with Jeff Daniels 4 p.m. Ms. Debbie’s Nightlife Lounge 4762 Highway 58, (423) 485-0966. myspace.com/debbieslounge DJ and Dancing 9 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777.

Karaoke with DJ Stoli 9:30 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com Fat Shadow, Rag Rage 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia

Monday

Old Tyme Players 6 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (433) 634-0260.

Big Band Night 8 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055.

Live DJ and Karaoke 8 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777. www.bartslakeshore.com Karaoke with DJ Stoli 9:30 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com

Tuesday

Ben Friberg Trio 6:30 p.m. Table 2, 232 E. 11th St. (423) 756-8253. www.table2restaurant.com Open Mic with Mike McDade 9 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike. (423) 266-1996. www.tremonttavern.com Tim and Reece 9 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777. www.bartslakeshore.com Karaoke with DJ Stoli 9:30 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com Dalton Roberts 10 p.m. The Camp House, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081. www.thecamphouse.com Greenland is Melting, Red Collar, Bryan Hensley 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia

Wednesday

Jimmy Harris 6:30 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton,

Fat Shadow, Rag Rage

Indie rock and punk rules on Sunday at JJ’s. $5 10 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-1400. myspace.com/jjsbohemia

6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Ben Friberg Trio 7 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (433) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com DJ Spins – Karaoke Contest 9 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777. www.bartslakeshore.com Nathan Farrow 9 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com Johnston Brown 9 p.m. The Lounge at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com The Gist with Roughwork 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com Open Mic with Mark Holder 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www. myspace.com/jjsbohemia www.chattanoogapulse.com | January 20, 2011 | Vol. 8, Issue 3 | The Pulse

17

NEWS

Beyond The Headlines

Page Turning in the Catalog of Dreams

By Janis Hashe, Pulse Contributing Editor

I

opened the mailbox and there it was.

“Oh, no,” I sighed. Not because it was another communication from my BFF (not) of the last two years, B of A, but because I knew I would be mooning over its contents.

The 2011 Travel Publishers Association Catalog had arrived.

I’ve been fortunate to have traveled quite a bit and there is nothing I love more. The lure of unknown places and unknown people catches you young and hard, creeps up on you in later life, or sometimes never disturbs the surface of your life at all, but for me, it went from dreaming to action just as soon as I could make it happen.

For the last couple of years, however (see BFF above), my travel has been mostly limited to day and weekend trips around the South, and though these have been fun and informative, I long for the moment of getting off the plane, seeing signs in a foreign language and the rush that comes with that.

For now, the catalog will have to do.

aimed at the Eat Pray Love readers: Romance on the Road: Traveling Women Who Love Foreign Men. Who’s not going to look at this?

“Romance on the Road tells the story of female travelers around the globe who flee loneliness and seek adventure in the arms of exotic strangers…romps through history, beginning with the pioneering sexseekers picking up men in 1840s Rome.” If this one is not a bestseller, I will eat my port-a-pillow.

A publisher I’m not familiar with, CCC Publishing, offers a whole series of books on sacred places around the world, but the book that catches my eye for Pulse readers is The Tribes of Burning Man by Steven T. Jones. Those of you who’ve been wanting to make that trip to the desert can find out what you’re getting yourself into.

I’ve used the DK Eyewitness Guides on a number of trips and recommend them for their maps, which are great. New versions this year for Japan and Paris look intriguing and they’ve also updated New York City and Washington D.C. Lots of pictures and very portable.

Foodies, take note of the Eat Smart Guides, which now include exotic locales, such as Brazil, Peru, Turkey, Morocco and India. They include menu guides, shopping tips and “food phrases,” which may help to avoid the dreaded “I thought I was ordering tofu and it turned out to be monkey brains.”

“They include menu guides, shopping tips and ‘food phrases,’ which may help to avoid the dreaded ‘I thought I was ordering tofu and it turned out to be monkey brains.’”

On the inside front cover is a listing of new “Rough Guides” coming out in April.

If you’ve never used the Rough Guides, they’re excellent for independent traveling (like Lonely Planet), and are designed for people who do not require luxury accommodations and four-star restaurants.

The new ones cover Barcelona, London, Paris, Prague and Rome (and also New York City), and for $12.99, are a great buy.

Turning the page, I see a book clearly

18

The Pulse | Vol. 8, Issue 3 | January 20, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

In honor of Pulse columnist Alex Teach, I suggest The Beat Cop’s Guide to Chicago Eats, described as a “hilarious street-level food guide to Chicago’s best taquerias, rib joints, chicken shacks,” written by a 15-year veteran of the Chicago Police Department. Game on, Alex, my friend.

In honor of long-time Pulse CD reviewer and all-round outstanding music dude Ernie Paik, I suggest Jimi Hendrix: London, which the catalog calls “More than just a potted but poetic guide to Hendrix’s London years. It is also a rock music guidebook to London.”

And in honor of a book that we probably have to have here in the office, I nominate Chronicles of the Strange and Uncanny in Florida by Greg Jenkins.

“Open these hidden files to explore Florida’s darker avenues for evidence of the extraordinary and the fantastic.” Or, simply go to Boca.

Happy reading!

OPINION

On The Beat

How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Hood I.A.D. CASE #96-08

INTERVIEW / 13-FEB-1996 / 09:30 HOURS BEGIN TRANSCRIPT: “This is Sergeant [REDACTED], interviewing Officer Alex Donald Teach—” “Just Alex. Or Teach, whichever.”

“Please don’t interrupt. Officer Alex Donald Teach —” “Sorry.”

“PLEASE do not talk. OK? Officer Teach, here inside the Internal Affairs offices. Officer Teach, have you read and signed your Garrity waiver?”

[PAUSE] “Officer Teach? Have you..? Oh, for Pete’s sake, you can speak now. Answer me, please.”

“Yes, I have.”

“OK. This is really pretty straightforward. On January 21st, 1996, a citizen lodged a complaint in which yourself, Officer [REDACTED], and Officer [REDACTED] were present in front of the Foodmax grocery store in the 5500 block of Highway 153 around 22:30 hours. Is this correct?”

“Uh, yeah. Yes. I was…I probably stopped by there, I mean.

If it was taped. Do they have a tape?”

“You were present. According to the witness, a fellow officer [REDACTED] was parked directly in front of the store in the fire lane and had returned to his car from answering a call inside. He got into his car, and then quickly emerged screaming obscenities. This was the actual complaint, and he was interviewed yesterday and stated it was the result of a harmless prank someone pulled. He stated he did not know by whom.

Do you know who pulled a prank on him, Officer Teach?”

“Do I know? You mean a name, or something? I don’t remember who did what, but it was just a little smoke. Did the seat catch? Because if it did —” “Excuse me? Smoke?”

“Yeah, the smoke bomb. Right? It was in a soupcan, no way it could have lit the seat on fire again.”

“No, officer. I have no idea what you are talking about,” [SCRIBBLING SOUNDS] “but we’ll discuss that later. I am referring to what upset officer [REDACTED] so much.”

“Oh. OH! Listen, Sarge, I didn’t…

What did you say was in his car?”

“I did not, Officer Teach. To move this along however, I will say that I am speaking about the chicken.”

“The chicken?”

“Yes. It’s on tape, officer. But not how it got there. In fact, we believe the livestock was placed in his car some time before he arrived.”

“What? Weird. Wow, was he fired up. It wasn’t the chicken that got him mad though, not directly. It was when he saw all the—” “Feces?”

“Yeah! I was gonna say shit, but yeah, it was everywhere.”

“Yes, officer, we know. That’s also on the footage.”

“I know, right? I mean, how could all of that shit come out of one little bird, you know?”

“Yes, it was apparently quite a sight.”

“It was like someone threw a bucket of white gloss paint back there, like a bomb went off…a chicken bomb!

Except paint that smelled like shit. How would you even market that?”

“OK, yes, it was pretty horrible and Officer [REDACTED] spent hours cleaning it out.”

“I mean, what do they do all day? Just look around for white stuff to eat and wash it down with Penrose Hot Sausage juice?”

“I get the point! Please stop talking about the sh…the feces all over the car. We get the point. That IS the point. Where did this chicken come from, and who put it there? And why?

Why on Earth would ANY of you do this? You are all adults, you are professionals, this isn’t a frat house. Well? What do you have to say?”

Alex Teach

“About what?”

“THE CAR! Officer [REDACTED]’s CAR interior getting covered in sh…poop...FECES by a terrified chicken, and then cussing in front of the store’s patrons! Do you think that’s funny? Is this a game to you?”

“Game? No! No! So it wasn’t his chicken then? I just thought, you know, maybe he was…I dunno, people have pigs for pets, they’re very clean, you know. A bad rap, they’re really intelligent too. A chicken isn’t—they’re so dumb I can hardly bear to eat them, especially now that I’ve seen how much shit they have inside them; they’re like letting go of a balloon that flies all over the room except instead of air it’s watery white…”

“You know, just stop it. Stop right there. Stop there and tell me, did you put that chicken in his car?”

“You mean, myself, or—” “DID YOU PUT THAT CHICKEN IN HIS CAR?!”

“YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT I DID!” [PAUSE]

“It’s on tape, officer. But not how it got there. In fact, we believe the livestock was placed in his car some time before he arrived.”

“OK, that concludes our interview. I will be recommending days without pay.”

“What? Days off? Is this a joke? All you did was weaken Hixson today, sir. Sweet dreams.”

“And a transfer. You’re an idiot, son.”

[INTERVIEW CONCLUDES / 09:44HRS] And that is how I came to work in “The Hood”.

When Officer Alexander D. Teach is not patrolling our fair city on the heels of the criminal element, he is an occasional student, carpenter, boating enthusiast, and spends his spare time volunteering for the Boehm Birth Defects Center. Follow him on Facebook at www.facebook.com/alex.teach

www.chattanoogapulse.com | January 20, 2011 | Vol. 8, Issue 3 | The Pulse

19

20

The Pulse | Vol. 8, Issue 3 | January 20, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

www.chattanoogapulse.com | January 20, 2011 | Vol. 8, Issue 3 | The Pulse

21

ARTS

Feature

Two Novels That Hone the Art of Reading

By Michael Crumb, Pulse Arts Writer

I

t may well be that so much emphasis resides with the art of writing that its complementary art, reading, seems an afterthought. After all, the reader comes to writing, but writers are also readers. Two particular novels, quite contemporary to each other, emphasize the art of reading: If On A Winter’s Night A Traveler, by Italo Calvino, and Mockingbird by Walter Tevis.

These novels are 30 years old. Calvino’s book appeared in Italy in 1979, and in America in 1981. Tevis’s book was published in 1980, apparently his third novel. Walter Tevis’s name may not be widely recognized. His first two novels, The Hustler and The Man Who Fell to Earth, became important films. Robert Rossen’s film of The Hustler remains a major classic. At least two versions were made here of The Man Who Fell to Earth, including the well-known version starring David Bowie.

I have mentioned Calvino before when I discussed American Gods and The Golden Compass, because he had used the Tarot to structure novels. If On A Winter’s Night A Traveler contains 22 chapters, so the subtext of the Tarot may also be applicable to this book. Technically, “If On A Winter’s Night A Traveler” is the title of the second chapter sequence in this novel. There are nine other chapters designated with titles, and are 12 other chapters designated with numbers.

be certain of the feelings his or her words inspire in a reader; this is referred to as the “fallacy of affect.” All of this does not prevent the actual fortuitous speculation in either direction that may be correct, but according to aesthetic logic, such instances cannot be shown or proven.

Consequently, what can be discussed are “constructs.”

The text is a material construct about which things can be shown. Likewise, there emerges a constructed “reader.” Also, these constructs are not singular; they may be seen as multiple constructs. Welcome to Calvino’s playground. In his first numbered chapter, where this author addresses the reader who is holding the book (note that “his” refers to both author and reader), he appears to be reaching through these “constructs.” In “If On A Winter’s Night A Traveler” this reader encounters the beginning of an interesting novel, but the text breaks off. The second numbered chapter takes note of this situation. The “inscribed” reader— “you”—takes off through an “interstitial” novel among passages of other promising novels.

I really doubt the existence of a book on narrative theory that can approach all the nuances of the writer/reader relationship that Calvino blithely touches on in his masterpiece.

Humor, adept and deep allusions, and satire characterize this literary dance. I found myself astonished in ways there is just not enough space to describe. Certainly this novel elevates the art of reading to an art of deeply satisfying ramifications.

“Through this strange story, Tevis shows how the reader/writer relationship is culturally analogous to people’s intimacy with each other. Now there’s a provocative proposition.”

A word about narrative theory may be helpful here. Since a reader reads a writer, it may be surprising that their minds do not meet, according to narrative theory. The reader cannot know with certainty the author’s intention. This is called the “logical fallacy of intention.” Conversely, the author cannot

22

The Pulse | Vol. 8, Issue 3 | January 20, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

Mockingbird emphasizes the importance of reading. Thematically, it is related to Ray Bradbury’s Fahrenheit 451. Tevis presents a dystopic future rife with surreal satire in which people face terminal boredom. Robots seem to be in charge, and people drift through a consumerist fantasy life.

This novel has an interesting narrative structure in which the point of view shifts between a robot, a man, and a woman.

In Mockingbird’s future, books have all but disappeared. Writing persists in artifacts, even the Bible, but people can’t read. Through this strange story, Tevis shows how the reader/writer relationship is culturally analogous to people’s intimacy with each other.

Now there’s a provocative proposition.

Both these novels show how the art of reading enhances our quality of life. Nevertheless, they are able to make this point through quality writing. I can’t help but wonder how a publishing industry that seems to be primarily driven by marketing “consumable” concepts and that seems to equate quality writing with the number of units sold will actually enhance the art of reading. Charges of “elitism” aside— is it the marketers who shout “Elitism!”?—no one wants to be shortchanged on brains, and it doesn’t help that it’s hard to notice the difference. The art of reading promotes quality of thought.

If On A Winter’s Night A Traveler

by Italo Calvino, Harcourt, Brace, Jovanovich.

Mockingbird

by Walter Tevis. Doubleday, Bantam paperback.

ARTS

Events Calendar FRIDAY

THURSDAY

“Divided Nation, Divided Families: Jefferson Davis, the Crutchfield Brothers and the Fight for Secession”

Chattanooga History Center presents a lecture on the historic event. $10 (reservations required) 5:30 p.m.

Hamilton Room, The Sheraton Read House, 827 Broad St. (423) 267-3247, ext. 10

Girls’ Night at the Hunter 6 p.m. Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View.

(423) 266-0944.

Moroccan Night with Alison Lebovitz 6 p.m. Jewish Cultural Center, 5461 N. Terrace Rd. (423) 493-0270. www.jewishchattanooga.com Mystery of the TV Talk Show 7 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. www.funnydinner.com Lee University Writer’s Festival: A Night of Poetry 7 p.m. Lee University, 1370 North Ocoee St., Cleveland, TN. (423) 614-8232. www.leeuniversity.edu Mike Speenberg 8 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com Comedy Contest 8:30 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn). facebook.com/theofficechatt

Chattacon 36

Noted authors Kristine Kathryn Rusch and Chelsea Quinn Yarbro headline the annual gathering of science fiction freaks and geeks. $50 for all three days.

Friday through Sunday, Chattanooga Choo Choo 1400 Market St. www.chattacon.org

SATURDAY

The King’s Speech

Both Colin Firth and Geoffrey Rush may be up for Oscars in one of the bestreviewed new films.

Playing citywide.

“Water Works” Exhibit Opening Reception 5 p.m. Exum Gallery, 305 W. 7th St. (423) 593-4265.

Mystery at the Nightmare Office Party 6 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839.

Hubble 3D 6 p.m. IMAX Theater at the Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (800) 265-0695.

Drood 6 p.m. Museum Center at 5 Points, 200 Inman St. E., Cleveland, TN. (423) 702-7800. www.wtciTV.org Ultimate Wave Tahiti 3D 7 p.m. IMAX Theater at the Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (800) 265-0695.

Lee University Writer’s Festival: Novelist Alexandria LaFaye 7 p.m. Lee University, 1370 North Ocoee St., Cleveland, TN. (423) 614-8232. www.leeuniversity.edu

5th Annual Chair Affair Art Auction 7 p.m. Lindsey Street Hall, 901 Lindsey St. (423) 899-9188. www.liveonpoint.org Mike Speenberg 7:30, 10 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com Chattanooga Ghost Tour 7:30 p.m. Walnut Street Bridge, 1 Walnut St. (423) 821-7125. www.chattanoogaghosttours.com UTC Music Faculty Joint Recital 7:30 p.m. UTC Fine Ars Center, Roland Hayes Concert Hall, Corner of Palmetto St. and Vine St. (423) 425-4269.

Mystery of Flight 138 8:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. www.funnydinner.com Female Impersonation Show Midnight. Images, 6065 Lee Hwy. (423) 855-8210. www.imagesbar.com

SUNDAY Lee University Writer’s Festival: Sigma Tau Delta Symposium 9 a.m. Lee University, 1370 North Ocoee St., Cleveland, TN. (423) 614-8232.

All-Day Zazenkai Sitting Noon. ClearSpring Yoga, 17 N. Market St. Drood 1:30 p.m. Museum Center at 5 Points, 200 Inman St. E., Cleveland, TN. (423) 702-7800.

Lee University Writer’s Festival: Screening of Endings 2 p.m. Lee University, 1370 North Ocoee St., Cleveland, TN. (423) 614-8232.

Free Family Movies: Alpha & Omega 2:30 p.m. Eastgate Branch Library, 5705 Marlin Rd. (423) 757-5310. www.lib.chattanooga.gov James Lyle: “Brainstorming a Superhero” 2:30 p.m. Northgate Public Library, 520 Northgate Mall.

(423) 757-5314.

Illustrated Art Lecture 3:30 p.m. Southern Adventist University, 4881 Taylor Cir., Collegedale, TN. (423) 236-2089.

Drood 6 p.m. Museum Center at 5 Points, 200 Inman St. E., Cleveland, TN. (423) 702-7800.

Pink! Gala 6:30 p.m. Chattanooga Convention Center, 1150 Carter St. (423) 495-7465.

The Accidental Circus 7:30 p.m. Barking Legs Theater, 1322 Dodds Ave. www.zanzibarstudio.com Chattanooga Ghost Tour 7:30 p.m. Walnut Street Bridge, 1 Walnut St. (423) 821-7125.

Mike Speenberg 7:30, 10 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233.

Female Impersonation Show Midnight. Images, 6065 Lee Hwy. (423) 855-8210. www.imagesbar.com

Jericho Brass Band with the Chattanooga Clarinet Choir Spend a Sunday afternoon with an old-fashioned brass band.

Free 3 p.m.

St. Thaddeus Episcopal Church, 4300 Locksley Lane www.jerichobrassband.org

“CSO Treasures: Gems from the Principals” 3 p.m. Read House, 827 Broad St. (423) 266-4121. www.chattanoogasymphony.org Jericho Brass Band and Chattanooga Clarinet Choir Concert 3 p.m. St. Thaddeus Episcopal Church, 4300 Locksley Ln. www.jerichobrassband.org Mike Speenberg 8 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com Member’s Choice Photographic Art Exhibit The Gallery at Blackwell, 71 Eastgate Loop. (423) 344-5643.

“Heirloom” Shuptrine Fine Art Group, 2646 Broad St. (423) 266-4453. www.shuptrinefineartgroup.com “It’s Not Easy Being Green” North River Civic Center, 1009 Executive Dr. Ste. 102.

(423) 870-8924.

www.chattanoogapulse.com | January 20, 2011 | Vol. 8, Issue 3 | The Pulse

23

ARTS

Events Calendar

MONDAY Live Team Trivia 6 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5840 Lake Resort Ter. (423) 870-0770. www.chattanoogatrivia.com “Treasured Impact” River Gallery, 400 E. 2nd St. (423) 265-5033. www.river-gallery.com.

“Beyond Baseball: The Life of Roberto Clemente” Bessie Smith Cultural Center, 200 E. Martin Luther King Blvd.

(423) 266-8658. “a Pale; place into parts” by Glenn Herbert Davis Sewanee University Art Gallery, 68 Georgia Ave. www.sewanee.edu “Jellies: Living Art” Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944. www.huntermuseum.org “pARTnership” Creative Collaboration In-Town Gallery, 26A Frazier Ave. (423)267-9214.

24

TUESDAY Women’s Night 6 p.m. Jewish Cultural Center, 5461 N. Terrace Rd. (423) 493-0270. www.jewishchattanooga.com Salsa Basics 6:15 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.com Classic Book Literature Club: A Doll’s House 6 p.m. The CampHouse, 1427 Williams St. (423) 432-8579.

Songwriter’s Line-up 7 p.m. The CampHouse, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081.

Live Team Trivia 7:30 p.m. RAW Sushi Bar, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919.

“Water Works” Exum Gallery, 305 W. 7th St. (423) 593-4265.

Member’s Choice Photographic Art Exhibit The Gallery at Blackwell, 71 Eastgate Loop. (423) 344-5643.

The Pulse | Vol. 8, Issue 3 | January 20, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

WEDNESDAY Main Street Farmers Market 4 p.m. Main St. at Williams St. www.mainstfarmersmarket.com Live Team Trivia 7:30 p.m. Buffalo Wild Wings, 120 Market St. (423) 634-0468. www.chattanoogatrivia.com Live Team Trivia 7:30 p.m. Mudpie Restaurant, 12 Frazier Ave. (423) 267-9043. www.chattanoogatrivia.com Speak Easy: Spoken Word and Poetry 8 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. facebook.com/theofficechatt “Heirloom” Shuptrine Fine Art Group, 2646 Broad St. (423) 266-4453. www.shuptrinefineartgroup.com “It’s Not Easy Being Green” North River Civic Center, 1009 Executive Dr. Ste. 102.

(423) 870-8924.

“Treasured Impact” River Gallery, 400 E. 2nd St. (423) 265-5033.

EDITOR'S PICK: FEATURED EVENT

Drood

Musical based on Dickens’ last, unfinished book is a fundraiser for WTCI.

$75 evening shows/$35 matinee Friday, Saturday January 21, 22: 6 p.m. cocktails, 7 p.m. dinner, 7:45 show Saturday, January 22: 1 p.m., coffee and dessert served Museum at 5ive Points, 200 Inman St. East, Cleveland (423) 702-7800. www.wtcitv.org/events/a-taste-of-mystery

OPINION

Life In The ‘Noog

Hey, Look, It Snowed!

U

nless you’ve been living under a rock or where out of town all of last week, it snowed around here.

A lot. So much by the noog’s temperamental yardstick that the town found it necessary to roll up the streets and call it a day. A snow day.

While those who grew up in the north laugh and laugh at we hicks' seeming inability to move one inch for every inch on the ground, what they don’t realize is that we’ve figured out one more excuse to uphold our reputation as a lazy, slow-moving sort.

The “snow day” in this part of the woods has been a long-running, time-tested tradition. You see, folks around here don’t experience the powdery goodness of frozen, crystallized raindrops very often and it shows. We don’t have fancy snow plows, space-age street de-icers, or even a buttload of salt to scatter on the streets. And truth be known, we don’t want any of that. Technology ruins the snow day. That’s because the snow day is much more than the skill needed to navigate a two-wheel drive on an ice rink.

What those up north, who are forced to “deal with” snow on a regular basis, don’t understand is that we Southerners dig inches of snow much deeper than any snow shovel can scoop. The snow day is a state of mind. It’s an opportunity, and a bonafide excuse, to slow down for a bit and spend some quality time with those we love so much that we don’t mind getting literally snowed in with them for a few days.

You have to be careful though. Getting “stuck” with people is a very real and sometimes scary likelihood that can turn friend into foe by the end of the thaw. Going out for that last happy hour on the eve before the blizzard can

produce a camaraderie that might be lost once the hangover strikes and you find bubba ‘n them piled up on every spare bed and sofa in your home. Which is now fortified by six-to-ten inches of snow and ice up around the porch.

I chose to be snowed in at my girlfriend’s house. The main reason was for the aforementioned purpose of spending some quality time together. However, another reason was that she lives in North Chattanooga amid some of the finest sledding hills in the city and around many of our friends—who’d purchased their own bread and milk—wanted nothing more than to have some fun breaking out the sleds nestled so deep in our backyard sheds that the ground would be littered with lawn chairs and pool floats before they would ever be rediscovered.

About 20 of us congregated behind Aretha Frankenstein’s on a snowy Monday to traverse the perfectly iced grade of Beck Street. All of us lived within walking distance, and some lived so close to the slope that beer, wine and other necessary fear factor elixirs—as well as latrines—were well within sliding distance. Aretha’s was even open just in case we ran out—or got hungry—whichever came first.

We had every type of sled known to Ace Hardware, including disks, toboggans and even the traditional Radio Flyer rail sled. We even rocked some of the pool floats for lack of anything else. No matter what you chose to place between your rear end and the ice-covered pavement however, you seriously hauled it down a block or two with even the slightest of nudges. And let me say for the

Chuck Crowder

record, there’s something to be said for the trustworthy innocence of childhood.

The kids thought nothing of running up the hill and then placing their noggins in the hands of a higher power as they sped down the slope dodging parked cars and parking signs. The adults, however, entered into the idea with a little more caution, or libation, depending on the size of their walnuts. Some of those with a little more liquid courage in them performed time trials using the rail sleds, which were equipped with just the right amount of wax to make a 200-pound dude reach speeds of up to 30 miles an hour (unless they drug their feet a little). One liquorbrave soul even skied down Beck and hit a manmade snow ramp to catch some air before landing on his unpadded posterior, skis catapulting from his feet in either direction.

“Let me say for the record, there’s something to be said for the trustworthy innocence of childhood.”

Afterward it was back to our respective igloos to take hot showers and relax by the telly to watch the dollar movies we’d thoughtfully thrown on the counter along with the milk and bread days before. Our only concern was whether school and work would again be canceled the next day, so we could slumber for one more morning and NOT have to rush around getting ready for the real world.

Because when it comes down to it, that’s what the snow day is all about—not having a care in the world.

Chuck Crowder is a local writer and general man about town. His opinions are just that. Everything expressed is loosely based on fact, and crap he hears people talking about. Take what you just read with a grain of salt, but pepper it in your thoughts. And be sure to check out his popular website at www.thenoog.com

www.chattanoogapulse.com | January 20, 2011 | Vol. 8, Issue 3 | The Pulse

25

SCREEN

Film Feature

Behind the Monarch to the Man

By John DeVore, Pulse Film Critic

I

must admit that I don’t know much about the kings and queens of England. American political consciousness is rooted in a staunch resistance to a monarchy, so much so that the very notion of a king is baffling. Despite the ever-widening gap between rich and poor, the American Dream still permeates our society. We all rule through the ballot box—we all believe that we are to be represented equally. It would seem that in a country so powerfully individual, so hopelessly egalitarian, a film like The King’s Speech would be hard pressed to find an audience. And yet, despite the titles, despite the formality, despite the unpalatable idea of birthright, this film manages to look inside a peculiar, antiquated custom and simplify it to a story about a good man who speaks with a stutter.

Prince Albert (Colin Firth), the Duke of York, second in line for the throne of England, has a debilitating speech impediment. Somehow, the Duke’s father, King George V, doesn’t see this is as a complication for public speaking. We learn that George V is a stern man, one who expects his children to fear and respect him. Perhaps he believes in a tough-love approach to his son’s problem. Perhaps he delights in the failures of others. Whatever the case, the prince is forced to make a painfully awkward speech at the 1925 Empire Exhibition at Wembley Stadium and fails miserably.

Albert, through his relationship with Logue, begins to find his confidence and, ultimately, the voice that allows him to lead a nation through its most difficult times.

I can understand if the summary of the film sounds dry. Like any good film, the action of the story is secondary to the development of the characters. While historically accurate, the plot is concerned with royalty and rules, procedure and pomp, and aristocratic family relations. But in these unfamiliar waters, we see the same dynamics found in all families, regardless of social status and ancestry.

Americans want to see their leaders as people. It’s part of our nature. The King’s Speech succeeds in showing us the man behind the monarch because it cuts through the formality and reveals the reality. Whether a prince or a pauper, fear is universal. Albert has had a lifelong struggle with a disability, exacerbated by a severe father and a stoic mother. His childhood fears hinder his confidence, which is externalized in his stammer, which cripples his ability to lead.

Kings must be both seen and heard in an age of radio and film.

And as a prince, Albert has been indoctrinated in duty since birth. He hopes that his brother David will shoulder that burden but his brother is more interested in other men’s wives. Albert must uphold his familial duty.

(Family, it seems, is a common theme among Oscar contenders this year.)

Individual performances are what makes cinema and the actors here are masters of their craft. Firth simultaneously plays the wounded child and the commanding monarch. And yet, despite his impeccable performance, Geoffrey Rush steals

“Individual performances are what makes cinema and the actors here are masters of their craft.”

Many doctors have been seen, many therapies exhausted, and all methods have floundered. But Albert’s wife Elizabeth (Helena Bonham Carter) has been given the name of a man with unusual methods and high success rates. Lionel Louge (Geoffrey Rush) is an Australian speech therapist who uses humor, patience, and understanding to treat his patients.

26

The Pulse | Vol. 8, Issue 3 | January 20, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

scene after scene with his whimsical presence and charm.

Too often we watch actors hammer their lines, pacing and delivering them simply to get to the next. Here the actors deliver them thoughtfully, softly pulling us into each scene.

Firth is especially deft, considering how important each word is to a character so afflicted.

It is easy to see the British monarchy as a useless relic, like an abandoned house that needs to be condemned. But after seeing The King’s Speech, I can’t help but give that thought pause. As a country, we recently witnessed a tragedy unfold in Arizona. In its wake, the leader of our country gave a beautifully impassioned and inspirational speech. But at the same time, Barack Obama is the leader of his political party, making any speech he gives potentially divisive. In Britain, the Queen remains nonpartisan. If you believe such things, her birthright is divine. If not, she is at the very least the symbol of the British people. She encompasses all citizens; all of their fears, their successes, their dreams. When she speaks, she speaks for everyone. I can certainly see the comfort in that.

When times are dark, we need someone to speak for us.

The King’s Speech Directed by Tom Hooper Starring Colin Firth, Geoffrey Rush, Helena Bonham Carter Rated R Running time: 1 hour, 51 minutes

SCREEN

New In Theaters

Ben Affleck Returns With A Strong New Movie

By Kelly Lockhart, Pulse Film Reviewer

The Company Men A drama centered around a year in the lives of three businessmen who look to what’s next in their lives after being laid off by their company. The first feature film from TV uber-producer John Wells, the man behind ER and The West Wing, takes a more balanced and at times upbeat look at the recent economic downturn and how it affects people.

Ben Affleck continues his third-act career resurrection, further solidifying his place as a mature actor alongside the always reliable Chris Cooper, a strong Kevin Costner, former TV lead Craig T. Nelson, and the satisfyingly low-key Tommy Lee Jones. Of interest is the fact the Weinsteins delayed the film release at the last moment, in a move many consider was designed to keep Oscar-talk

from being shifted away from their other awards-bait film, The King’s Speech.

Starring Ben Affleck, Chris Cooper, Tommy Lee Jones Directed by John Wells

And if that was indeed their plan, they would be better served skipping the movie and heading to the bedroom.

Starring Natalie Portman, Ashton Kutcher Directed by Ivan Reitman

No Strings Attached A comedy centered on casual friends Adam and Emma as they try to keep their relationship strictly physical.

While film critics and audiences are raving about Natalie Portman’s searing performance in The Black Swan, the release date seems ill-timed for this piece of romantic comedy fluff. The first in a series of “friends with benefits”themed comedies that are coming out over the next year, this film has all the weight and appeal of an oily soap bubble. Ashton Kutcher needs to have a long talk with Ben Affleck about how to move to a new phase of acting, because currently he is in peril of being tossed to the side of the 30-something leading man pile of forgotten stars.

And no one is exactly sure what audience this movie is aimed for, as the date-night crowd is probably not going to warm up to a film about meaningless sex, unless that is what they had planned for after the movie to begin with.

The Way Back A young military officer leads an escape from a hellish gulag in Soviet-occupied Poland during WWII. Making a pact with six companions, the group embarks on a daring mission across Asia to hopeful safety in India. Indie-studio Newmarket Films returns after a company reorg with an awards-season bait film, helmed by the man behind past successes such as Gallipoli and The Truman Show. The film, an adaptation of Slavomir Rawicz’s cult novel The Long Walk, is a brutal film that may be too intense for winter audiences looking for lighter, escapist fare. However, the cast—which includes Ed Harris, Mark Strong, and Colin Farrell sporting a chest tattoo of Stalin’s face—bring some major heft to what could be a dark-horse contender for a Best Picture nomination.

Starring Jim Sturgess, Ed Harris, Colin Farrell Directed by Peter Weir

www.chattanoogapulse.com | January 20, 2011 | Vol. 8, Issue 3 | The Pulse

27

WINE & SPIRITS

Riley's Spirits Within

The Marvelous Mondavis

By Joshua Hurley, Riley's Wine & Spirits

28

It’s a brand-new year and your friends at Riley’s want to start it off right by offering their valued customers low-priced/ upper-tier wine “Great Buys” from an industry favorite— Robert Mondavi. If you’re now just reading my column, now in its second year, it’s where Riley’s Wine and Spirits on Hixson Pike in Hixson picks something special from a large selection of wine and spirits from around the world, lowers the price and then shares it with Chattanooga’s The Pulse readership.

Robert Mondavi is considered the “grandfather” of California wine, and by employing revolutionary production and marketing tactics, changed the world’s perception of wines made in the Golden State. He was born Robert Gerard Mondavi, of Italian ancestry in Virginia, Minnesota. Around the age of 6, he and his family moved to Lodi, California where his father established a fruit wholesale company called C. Mondavi and Sons, which primarily sold California grapes to East Coast home winemakers. Soon after graduation from Stanford University in 1937, he joined his father and brother, Peter, in acquiring the Charles Krug Winery. Krug was originally established in 1861 by a Prussian-born immigrant of the same name. After his death in 1892, the winery had fallen onto hard times due to vine diseases such as phylloxera, and outdated equipment and practices.

Soon enough the Krug Winery became revitalized and began to produce excellent wines. The 1960s brought internal change to the winery with a well-publicized feud between Robert and his brother Peter, which ultimately led to Robert being forced out in 1965.

With spite and sheer will he started the Robert Mondavi Winery in 1966. The winery, located on Highway 29 between Oakville and Rutherford, became the first major winery to be opened in the United States since Prohibition ended. On December 22, 2004, Mondavi’s children sold the Mondavi Winery to Constellation Brands for close to 1 billion dollars with the provision that the company continue to produce wines in the elder Mondavi’s image.

Following the sale, Mondavi spent his last years traveling the world as an ambassador for wine. He died in Yountville, California at home on May 16, 2008, leaving a life and legacy that make an excellent model for the aspiring vintner and/or businessman.

Riley’s offers the following Robert Mondavi Wines at extremely low prices:

The Pulse | Vol. 8, Issue 3 | January 20, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

Robert Mondavi Napa Valley Chardonnay 2008. $12.45 plus tax. Made from the best chardonnay grapes grown in the southern part of Napa Valley, which offers a colder climate allowing for the grape’s flavor characteristics to really pop—and pop it does! Expect intense flavors of peach and pear followed by some coconut and crème brulee. Fermented and aged in part stainless steel casks and French oak gives this wine its creamy texture and soft, toasty finish.

Robert Mondavi Napa Valley Fume Blanc 2008. $12.45 plus tax. This is the innovative original, the flagship from Mondavi’s first harvest back in ’67. Mondavi’s Fume Blanc changed California’s wine forever. This fume blanc exhibits a tropical medley of citrus, melon and kiwi with slight notes of mineral, while rounding it all out with a floral bouquet.

Standard oak aging adds spark with a smooth, creamy finish.

Robert Mondavi Napa Valley Merlot 2007. $15.93 plus tax. Sourced from the best that a small selected group of vineyards has to offer, this merlot made me think of blackberries and blueberries with oak aging adding some (not a lot) of spice to the proceedings. This wine is fruitier than most merlots I’ve had.

Robert Mondavi Napa Valley Cabernet Sauvignon 2007. $19.99 plus tax. Sourced from the best grapes grown on the Mondavi Estate and a select few other vineyards, this cabernet sauvignon displays intense flavors of blackberries, cassis and black plum. Aging in French oak gives this wine a toasted vanilla finale.

Robert Mondavi Napa Valley Pinot Noir 2008. $18.31 plus tax. From pinot noir grapes grown and handpicked in the Canvas region of Napa Valley, which offers a cool, windy climate that suits this elusive grape. The Mondavi Canvas Pinot Noir has rich, full fruit characteristics of plum, cherry, raspberries and strawberries that stem from a process called “whole-cluster fermentation”, a technique that entails crushing whole clusters of grapes together rather than single-grape pressing. Often, the winemaker may do both but add whole clusters later on, which extends the fermentation process. Usual French oak again adds hints of toast to an already exceptional pinot noir. Hint: cellaring or aging this wine will change its flavor characteristics dramatically, adding chocolate, prune or even a fig flavor and some smokiness.

All Mondavi Napa Valley varietals prices are good while supplies last!

ENTERTAINMENT

Jonesin' Crossword & Rob Brezsny's Free Will Astrology AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): In the early 20th century, many women at the beach covered most of their bodies with swimsuits made of wool. If they went in the water, they’d emerge about 20 pounds heavier.

Swimming was a challenge. Your current psychic state has resemblances to what you’d feel like if you were wearing drenched woolen underwear and a drenched woolen clown suit and a drenched woolen robe. My advice? Take it off; take it all off. The astrological omens are clear: Whatever your reasons were for being in this get-up in the first place are no longer valid.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): In comedian Sarah Silverman’s memoir, The Bedwetter: Stories of Courage, Redemption, and Pee, she confesses that she was still wetting her bed at age 19. Depression was a constant companion throughout adolescence, and she took a lot of Xanax. Yet somehow she grew into such a formidable adult that she was able to corral God himself to write the afterword for her book. How did she manage that? “This is so trite,” she told Publishers Weekly, “but . . . sex.” I predict that a comparable reversal of fortune is ahead for you, Pisces. Some part of your past will be redeemed, quite possibly with the sexy help of a divine ally.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): The age-old question comes up for review once again: Which should predominate, independence or interdependence? The answer is always different, of course, depending on the tenor of the time and the phase of your evolution. But in the coming weeks, at least, my view is that you should put more emphasis on interdependence. I think you’ll reap huge benefits from wholeheartedly blending your energies with allies whose power and intelligence match yours.

Across 1 Magic spirit 7 Mrs., in Munich 11 Electrical unit 14 Some belly buttons 15 He clashed with O’Brien 16 Hip-hop’s ___-AFella Records 17 Currency in the Horn of Africa 20 Seahawks safety ___ Scott 21 Salary limit 22 Sleep aid once advertised to “help you get your Z’s” 23 ___-OZN (1980s group with the hit “AEIOU, Sometimes Y”) 24 “Reach for the ___!”

25 Seminole leader 27 Carve in marble 29 Hard to hold 31 Flee the premises 32 Took a break 34 Prefix meaning “times one trillion” 36 Speck in la mer 37 Star of “Amistad”

and “The Tempest” 41 “Sprechen ___ Englisch?”

42 Second word of many fairy tales 43 Kissing in front of everyone, e.g.

44 Table scrap 45 Steven Tyler’s show, to fans 47 “That’s hilarious,” in Internet-speak 50 Settled 53 Hairy beast 55 Lutelike instrument 57 Snaggable fabric 58 Crocodile’s dinner, often 59 Paper towel roll leftover 60 Pioneering “hot” jazz guitarist 64 Colin Hanks, to Tom Hanks 65 Settled 66 Yom follower 67 Award bestowed by The Queen, for short 68 Go fast 69 Squeezable African drum

Down 1 Ram maker 2 Fruity concession stand bit 3 Contradicting phrase 4 Pen ends 5 New beginning?

6 Self-defeating words 7 Go nuts 8 “The Crying Game” star 9 Curry of “Today” 10 Home of the Tar Heels, as sometimes abbreviated 11 Handel work 12 State capital that means “sheltered bay” 13 “Die Hard” main character John 18 Actor Diggs 19 Deli bread 24 SeaWorld star attraction 25 Bread spread 26 Coffeehouse additive 28 CBS show that sometimes features weird fetishes

30 Prefix before musicologist 33 Subject of debate 35 Late “Giant” wrestler 37 Someone’s gotta do it, it’s said 38 One way to leave, in song 39 Lymphatic mass 40 ___ Paulo, Brazil 41 Enemy to remain nameless 46 Clinton nominee Guinier 48 Time for afternoon tea 49 Heartbeat noise 51 One billion years 52 One of the deadly sins 54 Ashton Kutcher show 56 Raison ___ 58 It may be spliced 59 Cassette 61 Fertility clinic stock 62 DVR button 63 K leadup

Crossword created By Matt Jones. © 2011 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle #0503.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): I find many of you Tauruses to be excessively self-effacing. It’s a trait that can be both endearing and maddening. Even as my heart melts in the presence of Bulls who are underestimating their own beauty, I may also feel like grabbing them by the shoulders and shaking some confidence into them, barraging them with frustrated exhortations like “Believe in yourself as much as I believe in you, for God’s sake!” But I’m guessing I won’t be tempted to do that anytime soon. You appear to be due for a big influx of self-esteem.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): It will be good week to let your mind go utterly blank while slouching in front of a TV and sipping warm milk, or to spend hours curled up in a ball under the covers on your bed as you berate yourself with guilty insults for the mistakes you’ve made in your life. NOT! I’m kidding! Please don’t you dare do anything like that. It would be a terrible waste of the rowdy astrological omens that are coming to bear on you. Here are some better ideas: Go seek the fire on the mountain! Create a secret in the sanctuary! Learn a trick in the dark! Find a new emotion in the wilderness! Study the wisest, wildest people you know so that you, too, can be wildly wise!

CANCER (June 21-July 22): This would be an excellent week to grieve madly and deeply about the old love affairs that shattered your heart. I’ve rarely seen a better astrological configuration than there is now for purging the residual anguish from those old romantic collapses.

So I suggest you conduct a formal ritual that will provide total exorcism and bring you maximum catharsis. Maybe you could build a shrine containing the photos and objects that keep a part of you stuck in the past, and maybe you could find the bold words and innovative gestures that will bid goodbye to them forever. Do you have any intuitions about how to create a rousing healing ceremony?

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): The History cable-TV channel has a reality TV show called Ice Road Truckers. It documents the exploits of drivers who haul heavy loads in their 18-wheelers for long distances across frozen rivers and lakes and swamps in Alaska and northwest Canada.

They bring supplies to remote outposts where humans work exotic jobs like mining diamonds and drilling for natural gas. If you have any truck-driving skills, Leo, you’d be a good candidate to apply for a gig on the show.

According to my analysis of the astrological omens, your levels of courage and adventurousness will be at an alltime high in 2011. May I suggest, though, that you try to make your romps in the frontier more purely pleasurable than what the ice road truckers have to endure?

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Pop chanteuse Katy Perry is renowned not only for her singing ability but also for her physical appearance. Her preternatural ability to sell her musical products can be attributed in part to her sparkling good looks and charisma. That’s why it was amusing when her husband, the trickster Russell Brand, Twittered a raw photo of her that he took as she lifted her head off the pillow, awakening from a night of sleep. (See it at tinyurl. com/RealKaty.) Without her make-up, Katy’s visage was spectacularly ordinary. Not ugly, just plain. In accordance with the astrological omens, Virgo, I urge you to do what Russell Brand did: expose the reality that lies beneath and behind the glamorous illusion, either in yourself or anywhere else you find a need.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): While I was growing up, I was taught to regard my analytical mind as a supreme tool for understanding reality. I’ve never stopped believing that.

However, I eventually realized I had to add the following corollaries if I wanted to thrive: 1. My imagination and intuition are as essential to my success as my analytical mind; 2. I need to regularly express my playful, creative urges, and that requires me to sometimes transcend my analytical mind; 3. To maintain my emotional well-being, I have to work with my dreams, which occur in a realm where the analytical mind is not lord and king. Does any of this ring true for you, Libra? Now is an excellent time to cultivate other modes of intelligence besides your analytical mind.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): If you’re planning on spending any time hibernating during the next few months, this would be an excellent time to do it. Your reaction time is slowing down, which is a very healthy thing. Meanwhile, your allergy to civilization is acting up, your head is too full of thoughts you don’t need, and your heart craves a break from the subtle sorrows and trivial tussles of daily life. So go find some sweet silence to hide inside, Scorpio. Treat yourself to a slow-motion glide through the eternal point of view.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): “Dear Rob: All my life I’ve been passionate about the big picture—learning how the universe works, meditating on why things are the way they are, and probing the invisible forces working behind the scenes. Too often, though, I’m so enamored of these expansive concepts that I neglect to pay enough humble attention to myself. It’s embarrassing. Loving the infinite, I scrimp on taking care of the finite. Any advice?

— Larger Than Life Sagittarian.” Dear Larger: You’re in luck! Members of the Sagittarian tribe have entered a phase when they can make up for their previous neglect of life-nourishing details. In the coming weeks, I bet you’ll find it as fun and interesting to attend to your own little needs as you normally do to understanding the mysteries of the cosmos.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): All the most credible studies say that the crime rate is steadily decreasing, and yet three out of every four people believe it’s rising. What conclusions can we draw from this curious discrepancy?

Here’s one: The majority of the population is predisposed towards pessimism. In my astrological opinion, Capricorn, you can’t afford to be victimized by this mass psychosis. If you are, it will interfere with and probably even stunt the good fortune headed your way. I’m not asking you to be absurdly optimistic. Just try to root out any tendencies you might have to be absurdly gloomy.

www.chattanoogapulse.com | January 20, 2011 | Vol. 8, Issue 3 | The Pulse

29

OPINION

Ask A Mexican

Why Dumbing Down Issues Is Dumb Dear Mexican, I’m not Mexican (or from a Spanish-speaking country for that matter), but I get mad when the gabachos in my town say that all Mexican girls do is take drugs and get pregnant, drop out of school and end up on welfare. I know a lot of Mexican women who haven’t done any of these things, who have gone to college, and got high-paying jobs.

And the thing that bothers me most is when gabacho girls do drugs or get pregnant, no one gets on their case.

Everyone is willing to help them, and they’re just referred to as victims of society. Why is it that if a Mexican girl gets pregnant, people just scoff at her and blame her Latino heritage; but if a gabacha girl gets pregnant, people automatically sympathize with her?

— Annoyed with Gabacho Hypocrites

group or even the most important one, which leads me to…

Dear Mexican, I work in the education field and have a serious concern about the performance of Hispanic children in our school district. There seems to be a misguided approach to bring back bilingual education for Hispanic children. The poor performance of these children and other minority groups has been ongoing. The group of children that bucks this trend is Asian students. Now, there are exceptions to this general breakdown but the numbers are undeniable. As I look at the ethnic breakdown at the major universities in California, these numbers are more shocking. As we hear more and more sound bites of how Hispanics/Latinos are the new force, where will they fall in the future? The educated will get better, and the future based on this point will go to the Asians. I want to get your opinion. Just want you to know that I am an American first, but of Hispanic ethnicity.

— Not of the Asian Persuasion

Gustavo Arellano

Dear Gabacho, The same reason mentally deranged gabachos who go on murderous sprees get classified as “disturbed,” while mentally deranged brown folks, whether Mexican or Muslim, get their killings attributed to race or religion. Same reason why neo-Nazis get their idiocies dismissed as the mere ramblings of meth heads, while Chicano Studies majors get their discipline savaged as teachings on par with those of Goebbels. Same reason why class divisions in this country don’t exist, while class divisions in Mexico get attributed to our inherent Darwinian tendencies. I know I sound a bit whiny right now—or, rather more so than usual—but you’re right to be annoyed. As I continually argue, culture isn’t the sole determinant to all the pathologies of an ethnic

30

you?). If parents want their chamacos in dual immersion classes, why don’t you let them have that option— you know, that whole parental choice thing. On the issue of chinito superiority—sure, a chingo more of them go onto higher education, but not all of them.

The National Commission on Asian American and Pacific Island Research in Education published a 2010 report that found Cambodians, Hmongs, Laotians, and most Pacific Islander groups had the same abysmal college graduation rates as Latinos, rates that lagged far behind other Asian-American groups. But rather than dwell on culture, the report noted that many factors contributed to the low numbers, the same factors that affect Mexican students. I’m not offering excuses— far from it, this Mexican tries to speak at least once a month to high-school students about the necessity of finishing la prepa and beyond—but I don’t dwell on the achievement gap, and neither should you. If you care about Mexis and education, do something about it— don’t whine that chinitos are better.

“I know I sound a bit whiny right now— or, rather more so than usual—but you’re right to be annoyed.”

Dear Pocho, Good Mexican Of The Week: The obvious choice— Two separate issues here—the virtues versus detriDaniel Hernandez, Jr., the brave intern of Congressments of bilingual education, and educational achieve- woman Gabrielle Giffords who stood by her side when so ment of Mexicans vis-à-vis chinitos. I can cite stats that many others would’ve fled. No other politicizing on my show bilingual education hold down Mexis or create part, other than to note this is a reminder that American little Einsteins out of them, so will limit my remarks to heroes come in all forms—and I’ve already said enough. note that most people who oppose bilingual education tend to lean right (like yourself. Another giveaway?

Have a question? Ask the Mexican at themexican@askamexican.

Your insistence on labeling yourself an “American net, be his fan on Facebook, follow him on Twitter or ask him a video question at youtube.com/askamexicano! first”—DUH. You’re writing to me in English, aren’t

The Pulse | Vol. 8, Issue 3 | January 20, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

www.chattanoogapulse.com | January 20, 2011 | Vol. 8, Issue 3 | The Pulse

31