The Pule - Vol. 8, Issue 4

Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative

In the Ring,

More Real Than Real

By Cody Maxwell • Photography by Lesha Patterson

FREE • NEWS, VIEWS, MUSIC, FILM, ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT • JANUARY 27, 2011 • VOL. 8, ISSUE 4 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

2

The Pulse | Vol. 8, Issue 4 | January 27, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

PULSE BEATS 4 BEYOND THE HEADLINES 6 ON THE BEAT 13 LIFE IN THE NOOG 25 ASK A MEXICAN 30

JANUARY

27

2011

ontents C

VOLUME 8, ISSUE 4 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

“...uncovered what he described as overstated expenses, undercounted revenue, and an unrealistic desire for greater profit...”

4

“Big Doug charges from behind the red velvet curtains, bald, goateed, tattooed and angry.”

8

— Report from the consumer advocate on Tennessee American Water's records.

— The action from a recent evening of local wrestling in North Georgia.

“...an increasingly haggard-looking 13 mayor’s spokesman gave a now familiar answer of ‘We don’t know’...”

— Part of the recent timeline of mayoral noncommunication.

“An apparition relates to the demons or angels we deal with on a daily basis.”

14

— How local band Jettison Never gets in touch with their musical muse.

www.chattanoogapulse.com | January 27, 2011 | Vol. 8, Issue 4 | The Pulse

3

NEWS Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative President Jim Brewer, II Publisher Zachary Cooper Contributing Editor Janis Hashe News Editor / Layout Design Gary Poole Director of Sales Rhonda Rollins Advertising Sales Rick Leavell, Michelle Pih, Townes Webb Calendar Editors Bryanna Burns, Kat Dunn Graphic Design Jennifer Grelier Pulse Contributors Gustavo Arellano, Rob Brezsny Chuck Crowder, Michael Crumb Janis Hashe, Joshua Hurley Phillip Johnston, Matt Jones, Kelly Lockhart, Cody Maxwell Ernie Paik, Lesha Patterson Alex Teach, Tara V Editorial Cartoonist Rick Baldwin Contact Info: Phone (423) 265-9494 Fax (423) 266-2335 Email Inquiries info@chattanoogapulse.com Calendar Submissions calendar@chattanoogapulse.com The Pulse is published weekly and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publishers may take more than one copy per weekly issue. The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors.

The Pulse is published by

Brewer Media 1305 Carter Street Chattanooga, Tennessee 37402 Letters to the editor must include name, address and daytime phone number for verification. The Pulse reserves the right to edit letters for space and clarity.

Please keep letters within 300 words in length.

The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on culture, the arts, entertainment and local news.

4

Pulse Beats

"Q"

The Tennessee American Water Rate Wars Continue Every few years, the owners of Chattanooga’s main source of drinking water, Tennessee American Water Company, come before the Tennessee Regulatory Authority asking for a major rate increase.

And every time they end up with a fraction of the rate increase they originally requested.

2011 looks like it will be no different, but this time around the numbers suggested by the water company are further apart from what the state sees as equitable than ever before. The proposed 28 percent increase in water rates that the utility is asking for–which translates to nearly $9.4 million dollars—was met with near disbelief in Nashville.

The attorney general countered with a figure of just $589,000, which his office testified before the regulatory authority was all the increase it felt was justified for the utility. Consumer advocate Terry Buckner, who works in the attorney general’s office, said its research into the rate hike request uncovered what he described as overstated expenses, undercounted revenue, and an unrealistic desire for greater profit from water sales than was deemed suitable.

Naturally, Tennessee American disagrees. General Manager John Watson said the utility would lose money if it didn’t get the rate hike it has asked for. Watson said not only would the local utility drop into the red, but it would be unable to provide needed investment in upgrading existing equipment and services.

One of the areas he noted as especially difficult

The Pulse | Vol. 8, Issue 4 | January 27, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

“We need to recover our expenses, which continue to rise.”

— Tennessee American Water’s John Watson, pushing for a 28 percent rate hike for the utility.

for the company was dealing with sharply higher stormwater fees. Combined with increases in fuel costs, taxes, labor and other expenses, Watson claims the company would suffer an operating loss for the first time in its history.

Other groups, however, are joining the state in questioning the veracity of Tennessee American’s claims of financial hardship. A representative of the Utility Workers Union of America Local 121, for example, claims the utility hired seven fewer workers than it claims on the application. Members of the Chattanooga Regional Manufacturers Association have also questioned a number of claims made by Tennessee American on its rate hike application.

But the real concern for local businesses and city government, who have joined forces in opposition of the proposed hike, is purely financial. Tim Spires with the Manufacturers Association worries that if the rate hike goes through at the level requested, it would have a dramatic and negative effect on existing and future businesses in the region.

The state regulatory authority has until the middle of March to make a final decision on the rate hike—whether to go with the TAWC requested 28 percent hike, the 1.8 percent hike suggested by the state’s consumer advocate, or some other number of their own choosing—which will then go into effect in the spring.

• The field is now set at 11. That’s how many people submitted their letters of intent before last Friday’s deadline to be considered for the vacant District 3 Hamilton County Commission seat. Jim Coppinger ascended to the county mayor’s office following the resignation of Claude Ramsey in order to serve as Governor Bill Haslam’s chief of staff. The remaining commissioners will now look over the resumes of those who are running. At their meeting on January 27, nominations will be made from the 11, and a vote will be taken to fill the vacant seat until the next general election in 2012.

• The Tennessee Department of Transportation is running out of salt.

An early, snowy winter has depleted supplies of salt used to clear roads of ice and snow. Making matters worse, TDOT reports its supplier is having trouble keeping up with orders. As a result, road crews will have to use salt brine and calcium chloride to melt ice on roadways in the next winter storm…and they’ll be taking a little longer to clear the roads. Once salt resources return to normal, which TDOT hopes will be sooner rather than later, they plan to go back to their regular methods of clearing roads…provided they don’t run out again.

NEWS

Commentary

Environmental Disaster In The Making Don’t let Velsicol stamp another skull and crossbones on the Chattanooga map!

We have until the 21st of this month to contact Mary Evans (mary.f.evans@ tn.gov) at the Tennessee Department of Environment and Conservation (TDEC) to request an extension on the period of public comment for TNHW (Tennessee Hazardous Waste) Permit-105 for Velsicol Chemical. We the people have to develop a zero tolerance towards our government allowing companies to pollute and run. While that practice wins favor with corporations for individual politicians, it strands the citizens with the financial and health costs, and the environmental impacts. The water running from Velsicol’s dioxin dump is communal, but the problem caused by Velsicol should be undertaken solely by Velsicol. That toxin should not be allowed to comingle with rain and flood waters, flowing into our storm drains, sewers, streams and the mighty Tennessee River, including the collection points for our drinking water.

The city’s plans for Velsicol’s brownfield include a public park. Make it a safe and

Send all letters to the editor and questions to

info@chattanoogapulse.com We reserve the right to edit letters for content and space. Please include your full name, city and contact information.

healthy one. Environmental crimes are a crime against humanity.

Lana Sutton The Coming Of Track 29 This is great [“Developers Plan New Concert Venue On The Southside”]!

Hope to see some shows! And great idea to use social media. That’s actually how I found the article, that and it mentions Chattanooga FC. This town is getting better and better!

Cheryl Phipps Retirement Fund Problems Guess the city should have followed through with the raises that were promised [“City Retirement Fund Will Cost Up To $3 Million More”]. The employee contributions did not match the projected amount because the Littlefield administration lied about raises. The

projections for employee contributions were based on those lies. Now they have come home to roost.

Greg Mardis EdiToon Discord Your editorial cartoon last week had no class! Period! The one thing Americans should NOT find humor in is our poor public education system, the violence in our schools and the lax attitude on gun control. And, sadly for the creator of this cartoon, is the fact that it’s an incomplete math problem. A reflection on his own education.

Ralph James On The Beat Writing I’m going to start saving all of Alex Teach’s columns them so I can re-read them whenever I want. We need a book, Teach!

Barbara Miller Corrections & Omissions In our January 13th issue,the photo of Moon Slew should have been credited to Charli Wyatt. The Pulse regrets the omission. www.chattanoogapulse.com | January 27, 2011 | Vol. 8, Issue 4 | The Pulse

5

NEWS

Beyond The Headlines

Saving the World Online, In Real Time

By Janis Hashe, Pulse Contributing Editor

T

he information age has made a lot of us online activists. I belong to a fairly huge number of organizations who are always urging me to help do something, and I generally do. In fact, the first 30 minutes on the personal computer are designated as “Saving the World Time” in my life.

I do sometimes wonder how effective all my “activism” is. I know it’s worked in some cases: Politicians have reversed positions, corporations have backed down, free speech has been protected. In many cases, though, I don’t know what happened and I don’t have the time to follow up.

But if I had to pick one organization that seems to be expert at delivering their messages and making them count, it would be Avaaz.org.

countries.

The web site explains the organization in this way: “Avaaz empowers millions of people from all walks of life to take action on pressing global, regional and national issues, from corruption and poverty to conflict and climate change. Our model of internet organizing allows thousands of individual efforts, however small, to be rapidly combined into a powerful collective force…

“The Avaaz community campaigns in 14 languages, served by a core team on four continents and thousands of volunteers. We take action—signing petitions, funding media campaigns and direct actions, emailing, calling and lobbying governments, and organizing ‘offline’ protests and events—to ensure that the views and values of the world’s people inform the decisions that affect us all.

“Avaaz staff don’t set an agenda and try to convince members to go along with it. It’s closer to the opposite: staff listen to members and suggest actions they can take in order to affect the broader world…many of our most successful campaigns are suggested first by Avaaz members themselves. And leadership is a critical part of member service: it takes vision and skill to find and communicate a way to build a better world.

“We focus on tipping-point moments of crisis and

“ In the life of an issue or a cause, a moment sometimes arises when a decision must be made, and a massive, public outcry can suddenly make all the difference.”

Avaaz, which means “voice” in several European, Middle Eastern and Asian languages, was launched in 2007 “with a simple democratic mission: organize citizens of all nations to close the gap between the world we have and the world most people everywhere want.” A very dear friend of mine, now living in Spain, first forwarded information on the organization to me and suggested I join. Avaaz now has more than 6 million members in 193

6

The Pulse | Vol. 8, Issue 4 | January 27, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

opportunity. In the life of an issue or a cause, a moment sometimes arises when a decision must be made, and a massive, public outcry can suddenly make all the difference. Getting to that point can take years of painstaking work, usually behind the scenes, by dedicated people focusing on nothing else.

But when the moment does come, and the sunlight of public attention floods in, the most crucial decisions go one way or another depending on leaders’ perceptions of the political consequences of each option. It is in these brief windows of tremendous crisis and opportunity that the Avaaz community often makes its mark.”

One of the issues Avaaz is working on right now is the horrifying crime of “corrective rape” in South Africa.

This vicious practice of raping lesbians to “cure” their sexuality is a crisis in that country. South African activists are risking their lives to ensure their voices are heard; their appeal to the minister of justice has gathered more than 140,000 signatures in South Africa, forcing him to respond on national television. Avaaz is adding to the list by appealing to members worldwide.

In the few seconds after I added my signature, people from Canada, Australia, Sweden, Romania, the UK, New Zealand and Portugal had also signed. If this sounds interesting to you, visit www.avaaaz.org and see for yourself.

NEWS

Politics & Crime A weekly roundup of the newsworthy, notable and often head-scratching stories gleaned from police reports from the Chattanooga Police Department, the Hamilton County Sheriff’s Office, the Bradley County Sheriff’s Department and the Dalton Police Department.

• Paying attention to your neighborhood is often the best defense against crime. A homeowner’s quick action, as well as that of local law enforcement, resulted in the arrest of two men on burglary charges. This past Friday morning, a homeowner returned home to Ramsey Town Road to find a blue Cadillac parked in the driveway. Two men were observed carrying a flat-screen TV out the back door of the residence. When they became aware of the homeowner, they dropped the TV and ran. The homeowner called 911 and Hamilton County sheriff’s deputies were dispatched to the area, where a short time later they observed the suspects’ vehicle at Mountain View and Snow Hill Road.

The vehicle was stopped and both occupants were arrested and charged with aggravated burglary, theft over $1,000 and possession of burglary tools. The vehicle was also seized as evidence of the crime.

• While many people have objections to the check-cashing business, that still doesn’t mean it’s acceptable to defraud them. Red Bank Police have targeted a large number of people in a checkfraud scheme, issuing 178 criminal warrants against

89 individuals accused of being involved in defrauding a local check-cashing business.

Police Chief Tim Christol said each of the individuals is being charged with forgery and theft, and the incidents totaled in excess of $17,000 worth of fraud. The charges follow a two-month investigation by members of the Criminal Investigations Division of the Red Bank Police Department.

• One of the more successful law enforcement tools has been Hamilton County’s “12 Most Wanted” list. The latest addition is that of Jerry Alan Collins, a 27-yearold white male who is 5’ 5”, 180 lbs., with blond hair and hazel eyes. He has outstanding warrants for aggravated assault, domestic assault, vandalism and false imprisonment.

His last known address was on Julian Ridge Road in Chattanooga. Anyone with information on the whereabouts of Jerry Alan Collins is requested to contact the Hamilton County Sheriff’s Office Fugitive Division at (423) 209-7140 or the Sheriff’s Dispatcher at (423) 622-0022.

• From time to time, police receive complaints about citizens being taken in by scammers. One type of scam seen frequently by investigators is the lottery

Here is one of the agenda items to be discussed at the Tuesday, February 11 meeting of the Chattanooga City Council.

scam. The way it works is that a scammer picks out a name and phone number or address of someone they think could be vulnerable to the scam. Often, they select an elderly person.

The scammer then contacts the victim either by phone or mail and tells them they’ve won a foreign lottery (in a recent case investigated by the Dalton Police Department, the scammers were apparently in Jamaica). They stand to win millions of dollars if they just wire a smaller sum of money, perhaps $500, to cover administrative fees for the lottery. Once the victim sends the money, the scammers are never heard from again. If you think you may have been a victim of this type of scam, or any type of scam, contact your local law enforcement agency and report it.

6. Ordinances – First Reading: a) An ordinance to amend Part II, Chattanooga City Code, Chapter 17, Article I, Section 17-1, relative to the adoption of the International Fire Code, 2006 Edition, including all referenced standards and publications specified therein, and the 2006 National Fire Protection Association (NFPA) 101 Life Safety Code in its entirety for certain specified occupancies, including existing buildings, as defined by the 2006 NFPA 101 Life Safety Code, as the official fire code of the City of Chattanooga; and to amend Sections 17-2, as to appendices, and 17-3 as amendments to the Code.

This ordinance was deferred from the January 18 meeting so that council members could get written answers from the fire chief and the fire marshall on how the new fire codes would affect local businesses.

The major issue centers on mandatory installation of sprinkler systems in new and existing businesses, a concern expressed by many business and property owners.

The Chattanooga City Council meets each Tuesday at 6 p.m. in the City Council Building at 1000 Lindsay St. For more information on the current agenda, and past minutes, visit www.Chattanooga.gov/City_Council

www.chattanoogapulse.com | January 27, 2011 | Vol. 8, Issue 4 | The Pulse

7

COVER STORY

In The Ring

In the Ring,

More Real Than Real

By Cody Maxwell • Photography by Lesha Patterson

8

The Pulse | Vol. 8, Issue 4 | January 27, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

COVER STORY

In The Ring

R

eed Road is the first street on the left past the high school. It winds through a few miles of those tall, old Georgia pine trees and past empty fields with old gray barns falling down. At night, some wild animal might run through your headlights. It’s one of those roads you drive on when you have no idea where you’re going. You just want to go. Stars can actually be seen in the sky out there.

If you’re not careful, you’ll pass a gray cinderblock building with a gravel parking lot. It’s on the left, on the corner of Reed Road and some smaller, nameless road. On Saturday nights, a woman will be smoking a cigarette under the dim light above the door. It’s quiet out there. It’s the night and landscape that inspired the best and most lonesome Hank Williams songs. Crickets chirp and whippoorwills cry. A stray dog might be traveling through the field across the street or an old possum might be crawling through the ditch. Soon the woman will flip her cigarette away and open the door. A bright light will spill out when she opens it, and music:

Go Shawty, it’s ya burf-day We gon’ party like it’s ya burf-day Inside, the music is as loud as it is in “da club,” but the crowd’s a bit different.

There’s a man with his hair painted neon green to match his skintight shirt and black spandex. Another is dressed in what resembles a Superman outfit. A man old enough to be the grandfather of most of the other people in the room stands alone in a corner wearing a black-and-white-striped referee’s outfit. A younger man, maybe 30, walks around in Speedos and a bright red, unbuttoned nylon shirt with tassels hanging from the arms.

A man called Hollywood chides him: “Where’d you get those tassels? You ain’t been in the business long enough to be wearing tassels.” The young man laughs him off and talks quietly to his wife, then kneels down to kiss his young daughter on the forehead. Other children run in circles, too fast to count. Hollywood and a man called Widow Maker hug the children that run up to them to pull on their costumes. Young ladies dance with themselves and the specter of 50 Cent, near the speakers, and laugh. People are everywhere. It’s a capacity crowd in the old building.

An American flag hangs from the ceiling. The walls are spray-painted floor to ceiling with carousel carnival portraits of long-haired men with names like Jimmy Sharpe, Mad Jack, Sheik and Suicidal Talon. There’s a long line at a concession stand in the corner.

Suddenly, a snub-tailed bulldog appears, chasing a chewed-up and empty two-

liter Coke bottle through the crowd. The uncountable children roar and every one of them parade together and run in shrieking circles after the dog. If dogs can laugh, this one does.

In the center of the room, three spotlights shine down on an empty wrestling ring.

Drew Germain was in the dressing room backstage. He was being chided by the older guys for carrying his wrestling outfit in a kid’s Sesame Street backpack. “I paid 75 cents for it,” he said. “It holds everything I need. And I bought it for these old guys, anyway. I knew they’d get a kick out of it.”

When Drew isn’t wrestling, he is a business/marketing major and is on the dean’s list at Dalton State College. He also knows all there is to know about the history of professional wrestling. Pro wrestling, he explained, rose out of old carnival sideshows.

There was a time when circuses and carnivals traveled through our rural countrysides. These traveling shows included magicians, burlesque and vaudeville shows, magic lantern shows, games of chance and games for children. With the traveling carnival came the sideshow. The sideshow usually required an extra fee and was in a tent separate from the carnival.

These sideshows were often set up in two parts, the freak show and the thrill act. The freak show would include people with multiple arms or legs, midgets and tattooed people. The thrill acts included the fire eaters, sword swallowers and knife throwers. Straddling the two of these was the Strong Man.

“You can put these outfits on and walk out there to the ring and for 15 or 20 minutes you’re a superstar.”

The Strong Man’s act would often begin with displays of strength such as lifting anvils over his head, bending steel or breaking chains. Later, he’d often challenge members of the audience to a wrestling match. Promoters would invent names for the Strong Man and dress him in flashy clothing to draw crowds. There was always some tough guy in the audience who would take him on.

Trash talking and gambling became involved and, over time, some of the matches became staged.

When television arrived and all the bizarre and fantastic things a person could ever imagine were at their fingertips, the traveling shows faded away.

Pro wrestling, however, did not. With names like Lou Thesz and Ed “The Strangler” Harris, these types of professional wrestling shows endured. They eventually found their way onto television and with new names like Hulk Hogan, Andre the Giant and www.chattanoogapulse.com | January 27, 2011 | Vol. 8, Issue 4 | The Pulse

9

COVER STORY

In The Ring

“When Drew isn’t wrestling, he is a business/ marketing major and is on the dean’s list at Dalton State College.” others, pro wrestling rose to become the huge, multi-million-dollar industry it is now.

The Tri-State Wrestling Alliance (TWA) proves every weekend that the old shows haven’t completely faded away. In the block building in the Dalton countryside, the strongmen and their fans still come every weekend to watch and to perform in the grand old tradition.

But now, with the curtains raised and the inring rivalries and antics known by everyone to be staged, what is the allure? And why do these men still dress up and perform?

“It’s the ‘willing suspension of disbelief’, like Coleridge said,” Drew explains. “You can put these outfits on and walk out there to the ring and for 15 or 20 minutes you’re a superstar. You’re somebody else. And the fans know what’s going on, but they’re just as much a part of the show as we are. Really, they’re the whole show. What’s the point in a staged fight if nobody’s there to watch it? It’s a show. Though it never ceases to amaze me how many people think it’s real and take it seriously. I’ve had them come up after a show and want to fight me over something that happened in the ring.

“But when we get back here in the dressing room it’s nothing but respect. That’s another important thing about it. You got guys back here who are brand new and guys that have been at it for years. Big Doug over there has been in the business for 38 years, and his father and grandfather were in it. That’s going a long way back. But we all treat each other with the same respect. It’s like that big sign over there says, ‘It’s A Work’. Work means a show, and that’s to remind us not to take anything personally. It’s a show.”

Some of the older guys started chiding Drew again about his backpack and for thinking he knows so much. They poked at him with a cane prop and one of them grabbed at his feet. “Big Doug’s up next,” he laughed. “He knows how to put on a show.”

The showroom’s in darkness now and a loud, growling electric guitar blasts out of the sound system.

Big Doug charges from behind the red velvet curtains, bald, goateed, tattooed and angry. At more than six feet tall and surely 300 pounds, he has a stomping strut that carries him into

10

The Pulse | Vol. 8, Issue 4 | January 27, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

the crowd. He’s wearing a black leotard and spits angry curses at everyone he sees. Ted Nugent starts screaming through the room: Here I come again now, Baby!

Like a dog in heat Tell it’s me by the clamor now, Baby!

One of the women in the crowd begins telling Big Doug what she thinks of him. The crowd cheers her on and he stops to search out her face in the dark and says, “You shut up, old lady.”

“You call me old lady!” she screams and raises up. “You come over here and I’ll show you old lady!” Big Doug points his finger at her and she bows her head quickly back down and begins typing angrily into her cell phone.

Big Doug stomps on and dares anyone to try to slow him down. He reaches the ring and jumps in. Hot Rod Roberts, his opponent, is already waiting for him. Senior referee CJ, the man who stood alone before the shows started, instructs Big Doug to back into the corner so he can be checked for weapons. Big Doug mocks him and Referee CJ points his finger and tells him to do what he’s been told.

“You shut your mouth, Brokeback Mountain!”

A voice from a dark corner of the crowd hollers, “Bend him over, Hot Rod!” Big Doug doesn’t care who it was. He runs to the corner of the ring near where the voice came from, holds onto the ropes with one hand and points into the darkness with the other. “I ain’t your mule and I ain’t your wife,” he shouts.

“You shut up, too!”

He paces the ring like an angry bull, stomping and shouting curses at the jeering crowd.

The referee chases after him, trying to get Big Doug to submit to the weapons check. Big Doug refuses. He walks toward Hot Rod and the referee jumps in between them. Big Doug points over the referee’s shoulder toward Hot Rod and says, “Let me tell you something, boy.” Hot Rod looks truly scared. “I heard you say you’re gonna slam me. You ain’t gonna slam me. And if you do you’re gonna take the biggest ass-whooping you ever got in your life!”

With that he backs into his corner, his eyeballs remaining on Hot Rod. He submits to the weapons check and the announcer says it’s be-

COVER STORY

In The Ring

gun.

I got you in a stranglehold, Baby!

For 20 minutes, Hot Rod gives it all he’s got. Despite being slung and slammed around in and even outside the ring, he gets up every time and tries to carry out his promise to Big Doug. But he couldn’t even lift the man. They go back and forth until Big Doug picks the younger guy up and hits him with his signature slam for victory.

Hot Rod never stood a chance.

Back in the dressing room, after the show, all the guys are rowdy and still pumped up.

Some of them were changing into their regular clothes and getting ready to go home.

Some of them weren’t ready yet. Big Doug was one of them.

“Look here,” he hollers over the noise.

“I’ve been at this longer than any of them.

My grandaddy had a ring in his garage. He said if I wanted to get in it I had to fall backwards on my back on the concrete. I did it and knocked myself out, but he let me in there.”

“That’s what’s wrong with him now,” a younger guy yells back.

Big Doug ignores him. “I’ve trained with the best of them. We

used to practice our falls on glass and rocks, son. I’ve been at it for 38 years on my birthday, April 17. But don’t tell anybody how old I am, dammit.”

“He’s 105!” Drew yells, and they started going at it.

Old senior referee CJ was staying behind with them, but he

was shying away from their rowdy games and they left him alone. He finally spoke up, but a lot softer than the ruckus going on around him.

“I drive a truck for a living,” he said. “I’m in the National Guard. When I’m not on active duty or driving the truck this is what I do. I don’t drink or do drugs. This is what I do. I’ve been doing it for a long time and I’ve been at TWA the whole time. I’ve never been anywhere else.”

He holds his arms out over a chair in front of him like he was warming his hands over a fire. His forehead shines with sweat from being under the ring’s spotlights all night.

“My brother drove a truck, too. He died in his this week. We just brought him home to Dalton yesterday and I was out seeing him all day.”

He stares at a picture on the wall, an old promo of some long-ago local wrestling legend, then at all the other guys still rais-

ing hell around him.

“I’ve been here a long time,” he says again. “I had to come tonight to get away for a little while. I wasn’t going to miss a show. This is home.”

www.chattanoogapulse.com | January 27, 2011 | Vol. 8, Issue 4 | The Pulse

11

12

The Pulse | Vol. 8, Issue 4 | January 27, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

OPINION

On The Beat

Mayor Littlefield: “I Don’t Know.”

T

his inevitably brilliant splash of local political color is actually a substitution piece; a replacement of your Humble Author’s normal weekly submission. This would be meaningless to mention unless I were doing so to explain a downside to being a weekly alternative newspaper.

The issue is the frequency, for as a weekly newspaper, we sacrifice being as dynamic as a daily and often the cover stories are already written before big news breaks. And when the mayor of the town this local paper is published in is caught in an apparent lie involving payroll shenanigans and outright misdirection, I think it should be front page. A simple picture or Ralph Steadman caricature of him on the cover with his eyes wide with surprise, then a few thousand words that include a timeline of his office’s statements during one of the most brutal political in-fights of his continually surprising tenure.

Absent this flexibility, however, a single columnist’s page will just have to do. Now for that timeline: • Late December 2010 (the week of Christmas, specifically), Mayor Ron Littlefield announces that city employees with assigned vehicles, the majority of which are police officers, will have to start paying for their use. Such is the state of the budget. The police are visibly annoyed, since they can’t do their jobs after hours easily without their gear, and these rates are twice what they would pay for the fuel in their own cars. Three quarters of the department turn in the cars as a result of the financial hardship, which the mayor then bafflingly decries as a “protest” via a spokesman. Despite assurances of being completely prepared, the City has to spend emergency funds to fence, light, and place video and security guards around new overflow

parking lots designated in the city’s higher-crime areas in which will now be stored emergency equipment and weapons.

• This same week, it is pointed out that the line item above this one in the 2010-2011 Chattanooga budget makes room for paying six of the highest-paid city employees a $400 monthly stipend in lieu of a car. (Yes: In addition to their $100,000-plus salaries, they are being paid to not have a car.) The mayor, via spokesman, says this practice shall forthwith be suspended to avoid the appearance of inequality.

• Just over two weeks later (January 18, 2011), the parking lots are still not prepared, but a source in city hall indicates the $400 monthly car stipend for city executives has been quietly shifted into a salary hike of $4,800 dollars annually. When questioned, the mayor’s spokesman said, “I don’t know, I’d have to look at the records, I don’t have access to what everyone is making right off the top of my head so we would have to look at that, but, I don’t know.”

An information request that was once handled the same day “could take up to seven days” now, per city hall.

• January 19: Based on this story, the mayor now states through his proxy that he is “taking action.” Again asked how this “suspension” was actually turned into a pay hike and who ordered it, an increasingly haggard-looking mayor’s spokesman gave a now familiar answer of “We don’t know,” specifying that “the mayor has suspended this allowance, and suspended it if they were getting any pay increase that would compensate for that until he has had an opportunity to thoroughly evaluate the program.”

• January 21: Today, a delayed information request shows

Alex Teach

that five of the six top-paid administrators indeed received this raise…just before Christmas…the same week officers were ordered to pay for the same privilege, and the same week the mayor said the practice of stipends would be suspended after they were brought to light. Additional records show that the increase given in December had now been conveniently removed as of January also. The one official whose salary had not been adjusted was City Court Judge Russell Bean. (“Richard,” he wrote in a letter to spokesperson Richard Beeland, “I do wish that the Administration would contact me directly on these issues rather than me just reading about them in the news.”)

“A source in city hall indicates the $400 monthly car stipend for city executives has been quietly shifted into a salary hike of $4,800 dollars annually.”

So…if the stipend practice was suspended the week of Christmas and any pay raises were suspended that would have compensated for this…how did the employees (minus the judge) get a coincidental $4,800 dollar raise? Did they just give it to themselves? The mayor doesn’t control giving his employees raises, and is therefore completely out of control of his own office? Or was this all misdirection on his part, having been caught? They are the only two options I see.

The rest? Well, it’s a whole new week. Let’s see what Richard says next.* (*My money is on “I don’t know.”)

When Officer Alexander D. Teach is not patrolling our fair city on the heels of the criminal element, he is an occasional student, carpenter, boating enthusiast, and spends his spare time volunteering for the Boehm Birth Defects Center. Follow him on Facebook at www.facebook.com/alex.teach

www.chattanoogapulse.com | January 27, 2011 | Vol. 8, Issue 4 | The Pulse

13

MUSIC

Feature

Jettison Never Comes Home

By Tara V, Pulse Music Writer

H

ow does a conversation become so deep so quickly?

Why are we here?

Why do we continue to hold onto past feelings and negative behaviors?

Does it amaze you that so many of our neighbors believe and want the same things in life but only a few achieve such aspirations?

If you have these answers, then please feel free to shoot me an e-mail…I’m waiting.

While sitting on my big blue couch with Josh and Matt Gilbert discussing the idea behind their new album Waiting On Apparitions, they shared their realization that not everything in life has to be explained or defined but lived through and experienced. (However, I’m still waiting on that e-mail...)

The band on my big blue couch, which consists of brothers Matt and Josh Gilbert and their cousin Ben Phillips, is Jettison Never. You may or may not have heard of these locals, who have been playing together since 1998, as they have had a pretty heavy out-of-town schedule in the past couple of years, but as drummer Ben Phillips tells it, “…we have all come to the conclusion that we are ready to grow our home fan base…”

By the appearance of these two men at my house and finding out they were only in their mid-20s, I was intrigued by the amount of touring they had done. In 2009, Jettison Never played 200 shows in 70 cities.

The ability to revisit a city and figure out the best WalMart parking lot, build new friendships or even see old friends in cities such as Seattle, Santa Cruz and Chicago has become the best part about touring for them. The brothers definitely agreed that smaller cities and venues such as The Balcony in Houma, Louisiana, prove to be just as rewarding. As 2010 slowed down due to a marriage and working their “real jobs” in order to hit the studio, this show on February 4 will slide them into their 2011 tour. Jettison Never has opened for acts such as Bowling for Soup, Cool Hand Luke, Pillar and band favorite, Mute Math.

Unfortunately I do not have a kooky-and-wellthought-out genre this week, as they are your true alt/ rock dudes. With influences ranging from Kings of Leon, Coldplay and The Killers, Jettison Never parlays their struggles and hope for the light at the end of the tunnel into every harmony infused into the new album. I am now an expert on apparitions due to watching too many reality ghost-hunting shows, but in case you are not familiar, “apparitions” are ghostly figures or unusual sights.

To Jettison Never, an apparition relates to the demons or angels we deal with on a daily basis; how obstacles change us, make us stronger or break us down. Being in the same family unit, these guys have had the unique experience of having each other and their music through the rough times that have tightly bonded them. The boys were hitting puberty when they decided to form a band. Years of choir, being self taught through Super Tones, and a makeshift hand-me-down drum kit would become their dream, but it took the passing of a special woman for them to decide it was indeed what they wanted to do.

As Jettison was a new word for me and knowing they coined the band name at such a young age (dango public school), I

“Jettison Never parlays their struggles and hope for the light at the end of the tunnel into every harmony infused into the new album.”

This local revitalization will begin at 412 Market on February 4 with the release of Waiting on Apparitions. They’ll be joined by Behold the Brave, Moonshoes Mumsy and ERICATRONIC; the show will be all ages, so this will be a great night to take that younger sister/brother, mom/dad, or tiny person to introduce them to our local rockers.

14

The Pulse | Vol. 8, Issue 4 | January 27, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

was informed that they had first heard the word when watching Star Wars, and it means to discard/throw away—or ship talk for casting overboard. Jettison Never: To Never Give Up on each other, your family or friends. Get it? I get it and after talking with these guys, I came to the realization that we could all use this term in our life. Never give up on life and the idea that even if you wait on that apparition and believe with all of your fairy dust in hand, it may not come and it is up to you to change and take action. Now–where’s that e-mail?

Jettison Never (album release party), with Behold the Brave, Moonshoes Mumsy, ERICATRONIC $6 8 p.m.

Friday, February 4 412 Market, 412 Market St.

MUSIC

Ernie Paik's New Music Reviews

Monotonix Not Yet

(Drag City)

“It’s an aboveaverage garagerock album—loud and raucous— with a charged, Stooges-esque, ’70s hard-rock delivery.”

Live performances from the band Monotonix—composed of three manic, hirsute Israelis—are legendary and insane, known for featuring fourth-wall-breaking antics; they go beyond the standard singer-goes-crowd-surfing fare, not quite into line-crossing GG Allin-style depravity, but somewhere in between, using pyromania, garbage throwing, and troudropping among their tactics. Not Yet is the group’s second full-length album, and one can’t expect a mere sound-document to capture the total wild excitement of the trio, unless perhaps it came with a coupon redeemable for a dozen sweaty punches in the arm from a screaming, hairy, shirtless man.

With reasonable expectations in mind, Not Yet does what it does well; it’s not groundbreaking, but it’s an above-average garage-rock album—loud and raucous— with a charged, Stooges-esque, ’70s hard-rock delivery. Guitarist Yonatan uses a thick grunge-esque guitar distortion and loves big, dumb chords that go for that primal appeal; singer Ami is comprehensible only in smatterings with his raspy voice, shout-singing or screaming in a goofily aggressive manner. Not Yet benefits from having Steve Albini behind the soundboard; for this writer’s money, few people can record rock bands as consistently well as Albini, and he gets the sound just right for Haggai’s drumming, which goes for maximum throb

Mary Halvorson Quintet Saturn Sings (Firehouse 12)

The Brooklyn-based guitarist Mary Halvorson has performed with notables such as Anthony Braxton and Marc Ribot, but she’s quickly rising to prominence as an idiosyncratic guitarist and composer of her own kind of avantinflected jazz. Saturn Sings is only Halvorson’s second album as a bandleader, and it expands upon her core guitar/bass/drums trio, adding a trumpet and sax, allowing

power by focusing on bass and snare drum interplay, with cymbals as seasoning. Two numbers, “Fun Fun Fun” and “Never Died Before,” turned up previously as vinyl and digital single tracks, but they fit in seamlessly with the solidly blistering album sequence. One may wonder if people would pay attention to Monotonix if they didn’t jump around and act like insane yet lovable buffoons. Nevertheless, as a rock album, Not Yet passes one vital test—the “head nod” test—causing pretty much any mortal with a soul to compulsively respond to it.

her to explore harmonies in a richer fashion than before.

It’s apparent from listening to Saturn Sings that Halvorson has some impressive chops and has developed her own sonic identity. Almost like clockwork, after a relatively conventional motif has been laid out, Halvorson will dive into a freak-out moment; however, it’s not a total, chaotic freak-out, since her sporadic jumping is done with a precise agility. Others in her quintet may join her improvised bursts, but Halvorson stands out as being the most freely non-idiomatic and inventive of the bunch. She primarily favors a clean sound for her hollow-body electric guitar, and one of her trademarks is to occasionally warp her notes electronically, in real-time—it’s like hitting the whammy bar

but with a greater pitch range.

Saturn Sings is not a conventional jazz record, although many moments are pleasant enough that one could comfortably play them for one’s parents. Then there are unusual arrangements, like “Sea Seizure (No. 19),” which begins with notes that could have come from some piercing ’90s mathrock song and abruptly changes gears into a slithering tango-esque number. Purists may call it too weird; downtown avant-jazz snobs may call it too tame. This just underscores the album’s intriguing personality, which can be strange yet welcoming.

Ultimately, Saturn Sings is a successful and satisfying album, with the title track being a good distillation of Halvorson’s talents, demonstrating her melodic sensibilities and free-style skills. www.chattanoogapulse.com | January 27, 2011 | Vol. 8, Issue 4 | The Pulse

15

MUSIC

Concert Calendar FRIDAY

THURSDAY

Monroe Crossing Killer bluegrass.

$15 7:30 p.m.

Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347. www.barkinglegs.org

Thursday

16

Social Meltdown 6 p.m. The Social, 1110 Market St., Ste. 101.

Jimmy Harris 6:30 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055.

Monroe Crossing plus Laura Walker & Daniel Parkin 7:30 p.m. Barking Legs, 1322 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347. www.barkinglegs.org Open Mic 8 p.m. The CampHouse, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081. www.thecamphouse.com No Big Deal 8:30 p.m. Backstage (inside Holiday Bowl), 5518 Brainerd Rd. (423) 899-2695.

Tyler Reddick & Friends 9 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike. (423) 266-1996. www.tremonttavern.com Jonathan Wimpee 9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn). facebook.com/theofficechatt The Pulse | Vol. 8, Issue 4 | January 27, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

Crossfire 9 p.m. The Lounge at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055.

The Brock Blues Band with Gabriel Newell 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com Worst Kept Secret, Opposite Box, Opportunities 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400.

Friday

Johnny Cash Tribute Band 5 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo Victorian Lounge, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-5000.

Ben Friberg Trio 6 p.m. Table 2, 232 E. 11th St. (423) 756-8253. www.table2restaurant.com Jimmy Harris 6:30 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055.

Dr. Lancaster 7 p.m. Ziggy’s Underground, 607 Cherokee Blvd.

(423) 756-4786. myspace.com/ziggyshideaway “Bluegrass night” with Heritage 7 p.m. The Camp House, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081. www.thecamphouse.com New Binkley Bros 8 p.m. Good Dog, 34 Frazier Ave. (423) 475-6175. www.eatatgooddog.com

The Micks 8 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs Downtown, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956. www.sugarsribs.com Cadillac Saints 8 p.m. Southside Saloon & Bistro, 1301 Chestnut St. (423) 757-4730. southsidesaloonandbistro.com Priscilla & Little Ricky 8:30 p.m. The Foundry, 1201 South Broad St. (423) 756-3400. www.chattanooganhotel.com Jack Corey 9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn). facebook.com/theofficechatt The Most Important Band In The World 9 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919.

Dirty South: A Tribute to the Drive by Truckers 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644.

Bohannons, Only Sons 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www. myspace.com/jjsbohemia Slim Pickins 10 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Soul Survivor 10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com Oz & Jaynes 10 p.m. T-Bones, 1419 Chestnut St. (423) 266-4240.

Brock Blues Band Bluesy, bluesy rock.

No cover.

8 p.m.

Southside Saloon & Bistro, 1301 Chestnut St. (423) 757-4730.

southsidesaloonandbistro.com

Saturday

Johnny Cash Tribute Band 5 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo Victorian Lounge, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-5000.

Subsoul 6 p.m. The Social, 1110 Market St., Ste. 101.

Jimmy Harris 6:30 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055.

IFF, Silence the Sorrow 7 p.m. Ziggy’s Underground, 607 Cherokee Blvd.

(423) 756-4786.

Jay Clark with Jimmy Davis 8 p.m. Charles & Myrtle’s Coffeehouse, 105 McBrien Rd. (423) 892-4960. www.christunity.org Bounty Hunter Band 8 p.m. Southside Saloon & Bistro, 1301 Chestnut St. (423) 757-4730.

The Micks 8 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs Downtown, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956. www.sugarsribs.com

MUSIC

Concert Calendar

SATURDAY

Megan Jean & The KFB, Sweet G. A. Brown, Racing Death

Demented gypsy, circus, Americana and the avantgarde.... $5 8 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-1400. myspace.com/jjsbohemia

Priscilla & Little Ricky 8:30 p.m. The Foundry, 1201 South Broad St. (423) 756-3400. www.chattanooganhotel.com Stevie Monce 9 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919. www.myspace.com/jimstriker Hegarty & DeYoung 9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn). facebook.com/theofficechatt Midnight Riders: A Tribute to the Allman Brothers 9:30 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com Michelle Young & Pontiac Blue 10 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Jordan Hallquist 10 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260.

TUESDAY

Megan Jean & The KFB, Sweet G.A. Brown, Racing Death 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia Nathan Farrow 10 p.m. T-Bones, 1419 Chestnut St. (423) 266-4240. www.tboneschattanooga.com

Sunday

Open Mic with Jeff Daniels 4 p.m. Ms. Debbie’s Nightlife Lounge 4762 Highway 58, (423) 485-0966. myspace.com/debbieslounge DJ and Dancing 9 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777. www.bartslakeshore.com Karaoke with DJ Stoli 9:30 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com

Monday

Old Tyme Players 6 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (433) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Symptomatic Presents 7 p.m. The Social, 1110 Market St., Ste. 101. publichousechattanooga.com Big Band Night 8 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com

Live DJ, Karaoke 8 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777. www.bartslakeshore.com Karaoke with DJ Stoli 9:30 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com

Tuesday

Ben Friberg Trio 6:30 p.m. Table 2, 232 E. 11th St. (423) 756-8253. www.table2restaurant.com Lon Eldridge and Alex Thompson 7 p.m. The Camp House, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081. www.thecamphouse.com Open Mic with Mike McDade 9 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike. (423) 266-1996. www.tremonttavern.com Tim and Reece 9 p.m. Bart's Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777. www.bartslakeshore.com Karaoke with DJ Stoli 9:30 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com Dalton Roberts 10 p.m. The Camp House, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081. www.thecamphouse.com Hurray for the Riff Raff, Sam Dores and the Tumbleweed 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia

Alejandro Escovedo and The Sensitive Boys “…a lifetime spent traversing the bridge between words and melody….”

$15 8 p.m.

Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com

Wednesday

Lets Get Quizzical 6 p.m. The Social, 1110 Market St., Ste. 101.

Jimmy Harris 6:30 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055.

Ben Friberg Trio 7 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (433) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Irish Music Sessions 9 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy. (423) 468-4192. www.thehonestpint.com DJ Spins, Karaoke Contest 9 p.m. Bart's Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777.

Johnston Brown 9 p.m. The Lounge at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.chattanoogapulse.com | January 27, 2011 | Vol. 8, Issue 4 | The Pulse

17

18

The Pulse | Vol. 8, Issue 4 | January 27, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

www.chattanoogapulse.com | January 27, 2011 | Vol. 8, Issue 4 | The Pulse

19

20

The Pulse | Vol. 8, Issue 4 | January 27, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

ARTS

Feature

Down-to-Earth Comedy in Webisode Form

By Michael Crumb, Pulse Arts Writer

F

olks may recognize Joel Ruiz as the producer of live comedy shows that have circulated around downtown venues for the past couple of years, particularly JJ’s Bohemia and the Chattanooga Billiards Club on Cherry Street. Ruiz impresses as the clean-cut smiling dude who launches some pretty fierce verbiage once he begins to describe the things he finds weird and funny.

For the past year, Ruiz and his comedic comrades have been producing the webisode series Back of the House, set in a restaurant kitchen. Ruiz is now beginning production on a new series called Natural 20’s, set in a comics store. Ruiz invites folks interested in working on Natural 20’s to contact him right away. Both acting talent and those who can work behind the camera are invited to join.

These webisode series are labors of love. The primary rewards for participants are fun and exposure. They gain experience and chase away any Chattanooga ennui. People should watch for an upcoming free comedy show at JJ’s that will feature a preview of Natural 20’s. At the conclusion of filming, the entire season of the series will be shown at Comic Hounds in East Ridge in the spring.

nothing.

“BOH” has a principal cast of four characters.

Ruiz plays Seth, an unambitious kitchen worker (in the business, some see this as a wise course), John Michael Bond plays Seth’s best friend Ethan, and Edena Grace plays Meredith, a more recent hire.

Some may recall Grace from UTC’s production of The Pajama Game last year. Sean Henon rounds out the principal cast as Jeremiah, head chef of this fictional kitchen.

“BOH” features adult-oriented humor, since restaurant kitchens are not appropriate for children. Meredith and Ethan struggle for the lone sous chef position; in effect, which one will get to supervise the other, with Seth thrown into the bargain, a perpetual underling. “BOH” also includes about six-to-eight side characters. It can be accessed on Vimeo.com/channels/boh and on funnyordie.com and on YouTube.

Natural 20’s refers to a fictional comics store. The title itself references the “Dungeons and Dragons” game. This series seeks a broader, all-ages audience. The comics store seems an appropriate setting, since most comics possess a broad appeal, not to mention the obvious double entendre that comics, also called “funnies,” bring comedy into the setting. Although obvious, this choice shows elegance, a case in which perception seizes on the obvious, more rare than one might expect. Most sitcoms are placed in some sort of ordinary setting, and many comics do stand-up against an all-but-blank stage. Here the setting not only harmonizes with the subject of comedy, but itself provides comic sources.

Ruiz says, “You can make fun of anything in a tasteful way, and there are also distasteful jokes.” Humor covers a broad ground, and it can come from unexpected places. Freud’s theory of humor found sources for it in the unconscious, and his theory has connections to “distasteful” humor. A lot

“Meredith and Ethan struggle for the lone sous chef position; in effect, which one will get to supervise the other, with Seth thrown into the bargain, a perpetual underling.”

Filming for the second season of Back of the House will also commence in the spring, and it should conclude filming and be out by summer. Last year’s preview showing of the series at JJ’s proved to be a swell evening. “BOH” provides workingclass culture produced by workers in their downtime. It seems ironic that what workers get paid for has less cultural impact than the culture that they produce for which they get paid

of mainstream humor focuses on celebrity or people in the news, known as topical humor, but mainstream humor isn’t necessarily “tasteful.” Sometimes bad jokes become important news stories. Humor remains an important element of cultural evolution. Satire can promote a higher consciousness.

It’s become commonplace for people to remark on how much culture has changed in the last 50 years or so, and comedy shows have often been illustrative of cultural changes. Of course, most of these shows have been expensive productions and they continue as such.

The significance of these webisode comedy shows has to do with the drastic reduction of production costs. Affordable technology reduces the show to a matter of time and talent, a more democratic art form. Ruiz does much of the writing, but others also write. Often, live shoots provide new writing opportunities, lending a participatory quality to the production. As such, this working-class comedy gets closer to its actual subject. Check it out.

Contact Joel Ruiz at (423) 322-8325 or via email at joelwruiz@gmail.com

www.chattanoogapulse.com | January 27, 2011 | Vol. 8, Issue 4 | The Pulse

21

ARTS

Events Calendar FRIDAY

THURSDAY

String Theory at the Hunter

Presents the Chamber Music Society of Lincoln Center.

$25 6 p.m. talk, 6:30 p.m. concert Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View.

(423) 267-0968. www.huntermuseum.org

Chamber Music Society of Lincoln Center Concert and Lecture 2:30 p.m. Alexian Brothers Senior Neighbors, 250 E. 10th St. (423) 755-6100.

Chattanooga Boat and Sport Show 3 p.m. Chattanooga Convention Center, 1150 Carter St. (423) 756-0001 Scottish Ale Tapping Party 5:30 p.m. Big River Grille, 222 Broad St. (423) 267-2739.

Avant-art Gallery Tour 6 p.m. Gallery 1401, 1401 Williams St. (423) 267-0979.

Alice in Wonderland 7:30 p.m. St. Luke’s United Methodist Church, 3210 Social Circle. (423) 877-6447.

Verve’ Dance Concert 7:30 p.m. Baylor School, 171 Baylor School Rd. (423) 267-8506. www.baylorschool.org Cledus T Judd 8 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com

“Therely Bare” exhibit at AVA

Nonobjective art by 16 artists from around the world.

Free 11 a.m. - 5 p.m.

AVA Gallery, 30 Frazier Ave. (423) 265-4282. www.avarts.org

SATURDAY

Verve Dance Concert

Baylor’s dance company plus guests present annual concert.

Free 7:30 p.m.

Roddy Theater, Baylor School, 171 Baylor School Rd. (423) 267-8506, ext. 213

22

Members Preview: “Lois Mailou Jones: A Life in Vibrant Color” 10 a.m. Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View.

(423) 266-0944. www.huntermuseum.org Chattanooga Boat and Sport Show Noon. Chattanooga Convention Center, 1150 Carter St. (423) 756-0001 Celebrate Latino Heritage 4 p.m. Bessie Smith Cultural Center, 200 E. Martin Luther King Blvd. (423) 266-8658.

Hubble 3D 6 p.m. IMAX Theater at the Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (800) 265-0695. www.tnaqua.org Ultimate Wave Tahiti 3D 7 p.m. IMAX Theater at the Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (800) 265-0695. www.tnaqua.org Music Documentary Film Series: The Singing Revolution 7 p.m. Folk School of Chattanooga, 250 Forest Ave. (423) 827-8906. www.chattanoogafolk.com

Friday Night Improv 7 p.m. Chattanooga State, 4501 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 697-3246.

Cledus T Judd 7:30, 10 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com Alice in Wonderland 7:30 p.m. St. Luke’s United Methodist Church, 3210 Social Circle. (423) 877-6447.

Chattanooga Ghost Tour 7:30 p.m. Walnut Street Bridge, 1 Walnut St. (423) 821-7125. www.chattanoogaghosttours.com Verve’ Dance Concert 7:30 p.m. Baylor School, 171 Baylor School Rd. (423) 267-8506. www.baylorschool.org Mystery of Flight 138 8:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839.

Female Impersonation Show Midnight. Images, 6065 Lee Hwy. (423) 855-8210. www.imagesbar.com

SUNDAY Chattanooga Boat and Sport Show 10 a.m. Chattanooga Convention Center, 1150 Carter St. (423) 756-0001 “Fun and Food Unleashed” 10 a.m. Creative Discovery Museum, 321 Chestnut St. (423) 648-6043. www.cdmfun.org Alice in Wonderland 2:30, 7:30 p.m. St. Luke’s United Methodist Church, 3210 Social Circle. (423) 877-6447.

Free Family Films: Legend of the Guardians 2:30 p.m. Eastgate Library, 5705 Marlin Rd. # 1500.

(423) 757-5310.

Mystery at the Nightmare Office Party 6 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. www.funnydinner.com Hubble 3D 6 p.m. IMAX Theater at the Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (800) 265-0695.

The Pulse | Vol. 8, Issue 4 | January 27, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

Ultimate Wave Tahiti 3D 7 p.m. IMAX Theater at the Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (800) 265-0695.

Chai Night 7:30 p.m. Jewish Cultural Center, 5461 N. Terrace Rd. (423) 493-0270. www.jewishchattanooga.com Chattanooga Ghost Tour 7:30 p.m. Walnut Street Bridge, 1 Walnut St. (423) 821-7125. www.chattanoogaghosttours.com Cledus T Judd 7:30, 10 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com Mystery at the Redneck-Italian Wedding 8:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. www.funnydinner.com Female Impersonation Show Midnight. Images, 6065 Lee Hwy. (423) 855-8210. www.imagesbar.com

Lois Mailou Jones: A Life in Vibrant Color

New exhibit opens with more than 70 paintings, drawings and textile designs. $9.95 Noon to 5 p.m.

Hunter Museum, 10 Bluff View (423) 267-0968. www.huntermuseum.org

Chattanooga Boat and Sport Show 11 a.m. Chattanooga Convention Center, 1150 Carter St. (423) 756-0001 17th Annual CSO Vocal Competition 1:30 p.m. Chattanooga State Technical Community College, 4501 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 697-4400. www.chattanoogastate.edu Alice in Wonderland 2:30 p.m. St. Luke’s United Methodist Church, 3210 Social Circle. (423) 877-6447.

Symphony Concerto Concert 4 p.m. Southern Adventist University, 4881 Taylor Cir., Collegedale, TN. (423) 236-2089. “pARTnership” Creative Collaboration In-Town Gallery, 26A Frazier Ave. (423)267-9214.

“Treasured Impact” River Gallery, 400 E. 2nd St. (423) 265-5033. www.river-gallery.com.

ARTS

Events Calendar

MONDAY E. A. Anderson Lecture Series 7 p.m. Southern Adventist University, 4881 Taylor Cir., Collegedale, TN. (423) 236-2089.

Night Watch 7 p.m. Bryan College, 721 Bryan Dr., Dayton. (423) 775-2041.

Flamenco Vivo 7:30 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center, Roland Hayes Concert Hall, Corner of Palmetto St. and Vine St. (423) 425-4269.

“Good for You: Healthy Fun on the Run” Creative Discovery Museum, 321 Chestnut St. (423) 648-6043. www.cdmfun.org Member’s Choice Photographic Art Exhibit The Gallery at Blackwell, 71 Eastgate Loop. (423) 344-5643.

“Heirloom” Shuptrine Fine Art & Framing, 2646 Broad St. (423) 266-4453. www.shuptrinefineartgroup.com

TUESDAY Songwriter’s Line-up 7 p.m. The Camphouse, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702. 8081.

Night Watch 7 p.m. Bryan College, 721 Bryan Dr., Dayton TN. (423) 775-2041.

Lecture: “Holy Lands in Classical Judaism” 7 p.m. UTC University Center Auditorium. www.utc.edu Lee University Presidential Concert Series 7:30 p.m. Lee University, 1120 North Ocoee St., Cleveland, TN. 1(800) 533-9930. www.leeuniversity.edu “It’s Not Easy Being Green” North River Civic Center, 1009 Executive Dr. Ste. 102.

(423) 870-8924. “a Pale; place into parts” by Glenn Herbert Davis Sewanee University Art Gallery, 68 Georgia Ave. www.sewanee.edu

WEDNESDAY Main Street Farmers Market 4 p.m. Main St. at Williams St. www.mainstfarmersmarket.com Night Watch 7 p.m. Bryan College, 721 Bryan Dr., Dayton TN. (423) 775-2041.

Lecture: “Holy Lands in Classical Christianity.”

7 p.m. UTC University Center Auditorium. www.utc.edu Speak Easy: Spoken Word and Poetry 8 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. www.facebook.com/theofficechatt “Jellies: Living Art” Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944. www.huntermuseum.org “Kaleidoscope” The Arts Center, 320 North White St., Athens, TN. (423) 745-8781. www.athensartscouncil.org “Water Works” Exum Gallery, 305 W. 7th St. (423) 593-4265.

EDITOR'S PICK: FEATURED EVENT

“Flamenco Vivo Carlota Santana”

The passion of Spanish dance comes to the Patten Performance Series.

$22 7:30 Monday, January 31 UTC Fine Arts Center, Vine & Palmetto Sts. (423) 425-4269. www.utc.edu

www.chattanoogapulse.com | January 27, 2011 | Vol. 8, Issue 4 | The Pulse

23

24

The Pulse | Vol. 8, Issue 4 | January 27, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

OPINION

Life In The ‘Noog

The Hatfields and McCoys F

or the past five years I’ve happily been a resident of the Southside. For most of my life before that, I lived in North Chattanooga or Red Bank, with the exception of a couple of years near the UTC campus. Having the purview of both sides of the river has given me a lot of insight on the differences between these two distinct neighborhoods—just two miles apart from each other.

First of all, the housing options are completely different. Hill City on the North Shore offers a lot of cozy little two-bedroom, one-bath bungalow-style cottages likely built well before Fonzie’s heyday. The Southside is comprised of all different types of dwellings—from condos and townhouses to complete rip-offs of the North Chatt bungalows, cool new “architect’s dream”-designed houses and alternative forms of housing, like warehouses and old industrial buildings turned into hybrid condo-townhomes.

And, nearly all of the housing south of 13th street has been constructed since this area became the new site for downtown development in the early 2000s.

Aside from the lay of the land, however, the people that inhabit these areas intrigue me. Those who call one or the other side of town home seem to know those neighbors around them. It’s true. I can drive through Hill City and not only tell you who lives where, but I can also recollect at least two other people who lived in a particular house before them. And yes, we were all friends—joined by the camaraderie of North Chatt pride and possibly even a Neighborhood Watch program of some sort. And now that I’ve entrenched myself several blocks south, I can also tell you who lives in any one of the buildings on the South-

side—and we too all seem to know each other.

What amazes me the most, however, is that the people located on these two ends of town have very little to do with those on the opposite side. In fact, not only do they not know each other, most have no interest in getting to know their downtown neighbors. These is a true mystery to me, especially considering that folks on both sides of the water are a lot alike but act as if they’re fiercely loyal to either the north or south—just like the war that helped make our town famous.

I try and keep up with everyone I know on both sides of the river, but it’s difficult sometimes. Social engagements or even the occasional happy hour means visiting either my North Shore buddies or keeping it real with my Southside peeps who I see on a more regular basis. When each set asks what I’ve been up to, where I’ve been hanging out or more importantly with whom I’ve been hanging, my responses more often than not fall on blank stares.

There are movers and shakers all over town. People who are doing great things, making our city a better place to live and are noted often in either this or the other newspaper or on “the Facebook.” But those guys don’t seem to know each other if their stomping grounds happen to be separated by one of the four bridges that connect either side of town.

They say that the ‘noog is a small town. Not so much in my experience. Take restaurants and watering holes for example. Many of my Southside peeps have never

Chuck Crowder

darkened the door of such established establishments as Tremont Tavern or North Chatt Cat. Likewise, many of my North Chatt friends couldn’t tell you where in the heck The Social, Boccacia or Discoteca is (or was) located. In fact, many of my old buddies haven’t ever seen the leaps and bounds Southside stretches like Main Street have experienced in the last five years. And they might, if some local cabbies didn’t instill a special surcharge for crossing the river after a night out.

So I have an open proposal for both sides: let’s have a new civil war in the no man’s land of the Central Business District (4th to 12th Streets). But this time, instead of using lousy single-shot muskets that can actually hurt or kill someone, I suggest Super Soaker water guns filled with red Kool Aid. Imagine it, everyone wearing white, running around the streets of downtown taking pot shots of tasty

“I have an open proposal for both sides: let’s have a new civil war in the no man’s land of the Central Business District.” sugary goodness at those they don’t recognize as “one of their own.” Then, after the dust has settled (or we get tired, whichever comes first) we can all settle down at a non-territorial hotspot like Big River or Hair of the Dog and hoist a few pints in order to really get to know each other. ’Cause if the South is truly gonna rise again, then maybe the Hatfields and McCoys need to get inebriated together after a long day of water gun fightin.’

Just sayin.’

Chuck Crowder is a local writer and general man about town. His opinions are just that. Everything expressed is loosely based on fact, and crap he hears people talking about. Take what you just read with a grain of salt, but pepper it in your thoughts. And be sure to check out his popular website at www.thenoog.com

www.chattanoogapulse.com | January 27, 2011 | Vol. 8, Issue 4 | The Pulse

25

SCREEN

Film Feature

Franco’s One-Man Show in 127 Hours

By Phillip Johnston, Pulse Film Critic

A

fter taking home multiple Oscars for his India-based Slumdog Millionaire, the British director Danny Boyle has brought his filmmaking ventures stateside. Based on a bestselling memoir by Aron Ralston, his new film 127 Hours is the story of a young man from Colorado who goes canyoneering in Utah, only to find himself trapped for nearly six days with no help or hope of rescue.

While the split-screen panels of the first few moments pulse and throb with images of the human rat race, Ralston (James Franco) is packing his bags to go bouldering in the desert. He’s in the moment—singularly propelled by a craving for adventure. He hops into his Jeep, drives down the freeway and parks in the orange sands of Moab, Utah.

It all begins innocently enough as Ralston hikes through the desert and comes across some lost travelers. He endears himself to the two girls (“I’m only a psychopath on weekdays. And Saturdays.”), takes them for an unexpected swim in a cave, and gets invited to a party they’re hosting that evening a few miles into town. They part ways and, after one risky jump too many, Ralston finds himself with his arm pinned to the wall of a canyon by a giant boulder.

sive choice for an actor whose career has consisted of playing characters who are profoundly self-aware.

Gone is the “spoiled rich boy” shtick that jumpstarted his career. Franco would tell you that his recent acting choices—Howl, Milk, or In The Valley of Elah—have come from a realization of film as a director’s medium. He has begun to see himself as a servant of a greater artistic vision.

Danny Boyle has enough directorial prowess to know that a film about a climber stuck between a rock and a hard place cannot dare to be boring. The film is a little more than 90 minutes long, but when Ralston gets stuck before the 20-minute mark, most people will begin to squirm. But like all of Boyle’s films, 127 Hours has his own breed of relentless energy. We may feel Ralston’s pain, but we never experience the inevitable boredom.

A certain level of self-reliance is a necessity for 21st-century man and can guide a lost or lonely person through an array of difficult situations. Still, 127 Hours attempts to show that it is not the only pertinent thing. Selfreliance gets Aron out of his predicament eventually, but the collateral damage is the grisly loss of a limb.

When we attempt to do everything outside the bounds of community, there is inescapable loss. One of the burdens of youth is the delusion that you can accomplish everything on your own. We see this in Aron in the film’s opening moments as he leaves his apartment for the desert, wistfully ignoring a phone call from his sister. It is not for lack of love or affection, but because he is propelled by the simplicity and glee of an adventurous spirit.

But community is very real and uncannily necessary, and the primary failing of 127 Hours is not showing it as such.

Danny Boyle is an unapologetic sentimentalist. Washed in pungent swaths of color grading bolstered by rapid-fire editing, his films of late have placed protagonists in horrific environments to energetically show how they overcome them.

Boyle tears his characters down so that he can build them up, but the way he builds them up is through an emotional sugar

“Danny Boyle has enough directorial prowess to know that a film about a climber stuck between a rock and a hard place cannot dare to be boring.”

Viewers who know what 127 Hours is going to entail (mainly, pain) may try to construct a mental wall against the film’s devices before buying a ticket. “I’m going to detach myself,” you may say. ”I’m not going to feel this.” But you will—no matter how hard you try not to. This is Boyle’s greatest achievement with 127 Hours: He causes you to feel Ralston’s pain in every moment of his entrapment.

Franco’s performance is elegant and endearing, an impres-

26

The Pulse | Vol. 8, Issue 4 | January 27, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

rush rather than detailed characterization that alone leads to empathy.

Boyle shows us Aron Ralston’s dreams, visions and hallucinations while he is trapped in the canyon. These are, apparently, what get him through the ordeal. We see a rave-like car party, young love, and some bleary family memories, but these vignettes rarely feel like anything more than cloying tidbits that hint at vague feelings rather than characters Ralston shares meaningful bonds with.

When Aron is freed to go back to the real world, we have trouble rejoicing with him because we don’t quite know who or what he is going back to and why it is so lovely. And despite a searing one-man show from Franco and some visionary directorial notions from Boyle, this emotional vacuum is what makes 127 Hours all pain with no real gain.

127 Hours Directed by Danny Boyle Starring James Franco Rated R Running time: 1 hour, 34 minutes

SCREEN

New In Theaters

Jason Statham Knows What Works

By Kelly Lockhart, Pulse Film Reviewer

The Mechanic An elite assassin takes on an apprentice who has a connection to one of his earlier targets. Jason Statham continues to lay claim to being the go-to action hero, taking over from the aging Stallone, Schwarzenegger and Willis, all three of whom he nearly upstaged in last year’s The Expendables. This time around, he very comfortably plays the antihero role he perfected in The Transporter. Director Simon West, who is best known for Angelina Jolie’s Lara Croft: Tomb Raider and the over-the-top Con Air, is obviously in his element and works with a nearly flawlessly cast stable of actors.

The interesting timing of the film's release—surrounded by serious Oscar-bait entries and fluffy rom-coms—should play well in the multiplex for audiences yearning for some high-action escapist

fare. The only real question remaining for Jason Statham is how long the former Olympic diver can remain single.

Starring Jason Statham, Ben Foster, Donald Sutherland Directed by Simon West From Prada to Nada Two spoiled sisters are left penniless after their father’s sudden death, forcing them to move in with their estranged aunt in East Los Angeles. If you’ve ever wondered how Jane Austen’s Sense and Sensibility would play as a Latin family drama, this is the result. But much of the drama in From Prada to Nada happened off-screen, as co-writer Fina Torres was originally set to direct and then dropped for Angel Gracia, who hasn’t helmed a film since 1998. There are also concerns that the script is too much Austen and not enough East L.A. Starring Camilla Belle, Alexa Vega

Directed by Angel Gracia The Rite A thriller centered on a disillusioned American seminary student who attends exorcism school at the Vatican, and his encounter with demonic forces. Hollywood is well known for getting on trends in movies. But one has to wonder what has possessed the studios that exorcism movies seem to be the topic du jour? As it stands, director Mikael Hafstrom has been given high marks for his handling of what can be both a controversial and confusing topic for many audiences. Whether The Rite finds an audience or disappears without a prayer is a question only the man upstairs knows for sure. And if you can get through the entire film without thinking any religious puns of your own, you will have done one better than us.

Starring Colin O’Donoghue, Anthony Hopkins, Ciarán Hinds Directed by Mikael Håfström

www.chattanoogapulse.com | January 27, 2011 | Vol. 8, Issue 4 | The Pulse

27

WINE & SPIRITS

Riley's Spirits Within

Easy Wine-and-Food Pairing Guide

By Joshua Hurley, Riley's Wine & Spirits

28

Have you ever prepared a fantastic meal for someone special and wanted to pair it with the perfect wine—but were clueless as to which wine went with what? Well, the folks at Riley’s Wine and Spirits on Hixson Pike in Hixson want to put those days behind you, and better educate all you novice home chefs who want to impress your certain special someone with the perfect food-to-wine match ups! Riley’s is Chattanooga’s favorite wine and spirits store (we’re number one) and offers the area’s largest selection of adult beverages from all around the world.

In cultures worldwide, wine has long been a tradition at the dinner table, but its pairing with food hasn’t always been considered the art form it is today. In fact, centuries ago, a village’s wine was considered more sanitary than its water supply and local cuisines were paired with local wines, red or white. Yes, it was that simple! As a modern art, wine with food pairing is a recent phenomenon that has evolved right along with the media’s saturation of food magazines and cooking shows.

In upper-tier restaurants, sommeliers are often employed to help pair food with wine.

When matching a particular dish with a wine there are three factors to consider for both the type of food and the type of wine: 1) weight, 2) texture, and 3) taste. Consider the weight of the food, such as pasta with red sauce versus a light pasta salad.

The perfect match for red sauce would be a heavy red wine, while a creamy pasta salad would use a light white wine such as pinot grigio. Judge the weight of the wine by its alcohol content and tannic structure: the higher the alcohol content, the heavier the wine. Tannins are astringent substances found in the seeds, stems and skins of grapes. They are important because they provide wines with their flavor and structure and also help in the wine’s maturation through aging.

Tannins give wines a dry, pucker taste and are most prominent in red wines, which also usually have a higher alcohol content.

The Pulse | Vol. 8, Issue 4 | January 27, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

In determining taste and texture when pairing, use the simple strategy of contrasting and complementing.

Here’s an example of both: A fish dish with a creamy white sauce would pair with its opposite in the flavor spectrum, a crisp, acidic sauvignon blanc, which would cut through this creamy dish. Opposites attract! But on the other hand, an earthy beef stew with mushrooms would pair nicely with an earthy red wine. Earthy is the aroma and/or flavor of damp, rich soil and is considered desirable.

Remember, these strategies are meant to be a guide in helping you match the right wine with your favorite dish—but often what’s right is subjective to a personal preference or what you think is good. Here are some quick pairings: Appetizers (salty): Sparkling wine (champagne), dry riesling, fume blanc and sauvignon blanc Barbecue (pork): dry rose of pinot noir, riesling Barbecue (beef): zinfandel or cabernet sauvignon Barbecue (chicken): dry rose, chilled beaujolais or white zinfandel Beef (roast): cabernet sauvignon, merlot, syrah or zinfandel Burgers: chilled beaujolais, gamay noir, zinfandel Burritos: dry rose, white zinfandel Cheese (medium): cabernet sauvignon, Rhone blends Cheese (mild): sauvignon blanc, fume blanc, suave Cheese (blue): riesling, port Chicken (grilled or roast): zinfandel, shiraz, merlot, pinot noir

Chicken (smoked): dry rose Chicken (fried): riesling Chicken (breast): orvieto, chardonnay, pinot blanco Chinese: Alsace riesling, gewurztraminer, fume blanc Crab: chardonnay, sauvignon blanc, gavi, fume blanc Duck: pinot noir, merlot Fish (mild) pinot grigio, dry riesling Fish (meaty) (snapper, swordfish): chardonnay Fish (grilled salmon): pinot noir Fish (grilled tuna): merlot, syrah, cabernet sauvignon Ham: dry rose, white zinfandel, shiraz/cabernet Hot Dogs: riesling Indian: dry gewurztraminer, sauvignon blanc Japanese (sushi): sparkling wine, sherry, pinot gris Japanese (teriyaki): riesling, fume blanc, sake Lamb: merlot, cabernet franc, pinot noir, shiraz, syrah Lobster: chardonnay Mexican: sangria, rose Oysters, Clams (raw): French chablis, muscatel, moscato, verdicchio Oysters, Clams (fried): fume blanc, pinot gris, pinot grigio Pasta (with meat): chianti, barbera, sangiovese Pasta (pesto): pinot grigio Pasta (white meat): orvieto, pinot grigio Pasta (lasagna): montepulciano, sangiovese, zinfandel Pizza: chianti, zinfandel, sangiovese Popcorn: sparkling wine, champagne Pork: pinot noir, syrah, rose syrah Sausages: beaujolais, gamay noir, zinfandel, dry rose Steak: merlot, cabernet sauvignon, zinfandel, syrah Thai: dry riesling, pinot gris Turkey: chilled beaujolais nouveau, fume blanc, zinfandel

ENTERTAINMENT

Jonesin' Crossword & Rob Brezsny's Free Will Astrology AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): You may have no idea of how much power you have right now to start fresh—to escape the muddle of murky old failures. Your imagination might not yet be sufficiently lubricated to glide you into the expansive version of the future you deserve. But I’m hoping that this little horoscope of mine changes all that.

I’m praying that you are already registering the pleasant shock I’m trying to jolt you with, and are awakening to the rampant possibilities. On your mark. Get set. Go! PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): I’ve never been a fan of gurus. My view is that everyone should be his or her own guru.

But there was one guy whose antics were pretty entertaining. He was one of those crazy wisdom types who borrowed liberally from the trickster archetype. This is what he told his followers about how to interpret their dreams in which he appeared. “If you dream of me and I’m not kicking your butt, it wasn’t really me.” I’ll say the same thing to you, Pisces: The only teachers worth listening to, studying, and dreaming about in the next two weeks will be those who kick your butt.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): What rewards do you deserve for all the good living and the hard work you’ve done since your last birthday? And what amends should you make for the mediocre living and the work you’ve shirked since your last birthday? If you choose this week to take care of these two matters with purposeful clarity, you will ensure the best possible outcomes. The reward you earn will be the right one, and the amends you offer will provide the proper correction.

Across 1 “That doesn’t look good” 5 They’re tipped in pranks, supposedly 9 Bear whose porridge was deemed too hot 13 Suffix for cities 15 Novelist Waugh 16 Corporate honcho 17 Follow the law 18 Goneril’s father 19 Jonathan Larson musical 20 Song from The Doors’ “Strange Days” album, literally?

23 Getting by, with “out” 24 “Dallas” family members 27 Diamond stat 28 Little bite 30 Strip mall components 32 French cocktail 33 “Uncle Miltie” 35 Fox News correspondent ___ Ninan

36 Commodores hit, literally?

39 Get more mags 40 Do a five-finger discount 41 Member of the fam 42 Stretchy materials 44 “Toddlers & Tiaras” network 45 Capitol Hill figure: abbr.

46 Soft drink originally bottled in California 48 “___ the Frequency, Kenneth?”

50 2010 Italian Cannes entry, literally?

54 Morally right 57 Italian wine region 58 Actor Delon 59 “Understood!”

60 Tug McGraw’s first MLB team 61 Like justice, as it’s personified 62 Western lake 63 Goes on and on 64 Raid target

Down 1 Fall birthstone 2 Bindle carrier 3 Peace symbol 4 Former Yankee pitcher Irabu 5 People like the one with which Eliot Spitzer got in trouble 6 Margarine 7 Patch of fake hair, maybe 8 “Some assembly required” extras 9 Santa Claus’s French counterpart 10 Double-bladed weapon 11 What brave people use to fill in crosswords 12 It’s divided into scenes 14 18-wheeler 21 Prefix meaning “nine” that can precede -gon 22 Type of heart valve 25 Tough spot for a mechanic?

26 Submit, as a letter 27 Poet James Whitcomb and singer Jeannie, for two 29 Actor Oliver of “The Big C” 31 “Survey ___....” (“Family Feud” phrase) 32 Stylish Lagerfeld 33 Dam outlet 34 Flower sung about in “The Sound of Music” 37 Removed vermin from 38 America’s Cup entrant 43 Torrid 45 ___ Artois 47 Befuddled 49 Moby Dick’s chaser 51 Letters before “://” 52 It may be printed upside-down 53 Grinds to a halt 54 Tony Hillerman detective Chee 55 Point 56 Dead or Red

Crossword created By Matt Jones. © 2011 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle #0504.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Sometimes I fly in my dreams. The ecstasy is almost unbearable as I soar high above the landscape. But there’s something I enjoy dreaming about even more, and that’s running. For years I’ve had recurring dreams of sprinting for sheer joy through green hills and meadows, often following rivers that go on forever.

I’m never short of breath. My legs never get tired. I feel vital and vigorous and fulfilled. Does it seem odd that I prefer running to flying? I think I understand why. The flying dreams represent the part of me that longs to escape the bonds of earth, to be free of the suffering and chaos here.

My running dreams, on the other hand, express the part of me that loves being in a body and exults in the challenges of this world. Given your astrological omens, Taurus, I think you’re ready for whatever is your personal equivalent of running in your dreams.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): An interviewer asked me if there’s any special ritual I do before writing these horoscopes. I told her that I often say a prayer in which I affirm my desire to provide you with these three services: 1. that what I create will be of practical use to you; 2. that it will help you cultivate your relationship with your inner teacher; 3. that it will inspire you to tap into and use the substantial freedom you have to create the life you want. I hope I’m doing a good job, Gemini, because in the coming weeks your inner teacher will be overflowing with practical clues about the art of liberation.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): “Spring dawn: Turning toward the storm cloud, I lost sight of the bird.” Let this haiku-like poem by Julius Lester serve as a cautionary tale, Cancerian.

You’re at risk of getting so fearfully fixated on a storm cloud that you may lose track, metaphorically speaking, of a rare and beautiful bird. And the thing is, the storm cloud isn’t even harboring that big a ruckus. It will pour out its flash and dazzle quickly, leaving virtually no havoc in its wake.

That’s why it would be a shame for you to let your perverse fascination with it cause you to get separated from a potential source of inspiration.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Shockwaves of toxic misinformation pulse through the Internet on a regular basis. One of the latest infections attacked the subject of astrology.

An astronomer in Minneapolis proclaimed that due to the precession of the equinoxes, everyone’s astrological sign is wrong. He was perfectly mistaken, of course, for reasons I explain here: http://bit.ly/AstroHoax. But few journalists in the major media bothered to check the accuracy of the sensationalist allegation before publishing it, and soon the collective imagination was on fire. Hundreds of thousands of people suffered unnecessary identity crises and felt emotions that were based on a fallacy. In the coming week, Leo, you should be on high alert for a comparable outbreak or two in your personal sphere. Be vigorously skeptical— not just toward the stories other people tell, but also toward the theories and fantasies that rise up in your own brain. Don’t believe everything you think.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): You are usually conscientious about attending to the details. It’s one of your specialties to take care of little necessities. You often know what to do in order to fix mistakes and messes caused by the imprecision of other people. For now, though, I encourage you to take a break from all that. In my opinion, you need to regenerate and replenish yourself, and a good way to accomplish that is to let your mind go blissfully blank. At least consider it, please. Give yourself permission to space out about the intricacies. Steep yourself in the primordial ooze where everything is everything.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): I’ll be interested to see how you shift your attitudes about love in the coming weeks, Libra. Fate will be bringing you good reasons to move away from long-held opinions about the nature of romance and intimacy. Your subconscious mind will be stirring with new dispensations about how best to deal with and express your life-giving longings. All in all, the process should be pretty enjoyable, especially if you relish psycho-spiritual riddles that impel you to probe deeper into the mysteries of togetherness.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): “Dear Rob: I am a professional obsesser. I mean I obsess on things a lot. But here’s the thing. When I do obsess on something and work with manic intensity to achieve it, I am changed in the process— frequently to the point of no longer desiring what I was once obsessed by! This makes me crazy! Any advice? —Flagrant Scorpio.” Dear Flagrant: This is a gift, not a problem. Figuring out what you don’t want is a key factor in developing self-knowledge. And often the only way to do that is by pursuing what you think you want. Ultimately you’ll be purged of your lesser longings and superficial wishes and be able to crystallize a clear vision of what you truly desire more than anything else.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): “The greatest challenge to any thinker is stating the problem in such a way that will allow a solution,” said philosopher Bertrand Russell. In other words, the words you use to describe your dilemma are crucial. If you’re lazy or pessimistic about framing your big question, you minimize your chances for finding a useful answer. If you’re precise and creative, you’re more likely to attract the information and inspiration you need. This is always true, of course, but especially so for you right now.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): A “karma whore” is someone who performs an abundant number of favors and acts of kindness in the hope of accumulating extra good karma. Judging from the astrological omens, I’m thinking this week will be prime time for you to flirt with being such a person. Why? Because the blessings you bestow in the near future are more likely than usual to generate specific blessings coming back your way. You don’t necessarily have to go to ridiculous extremes—holding the door open for five people behind you, allowing ten cars to merge in front of you on the highway, flinging out casual but sincere compliments with reckless abandon. But from what I can tell, the more help you dole out, the more you’ll get in return.

www.chattanoogapulse.com | January 27, 2011 | Vol. 8, Issue 4 | The Pulse

29

OPINION

Ask A Mexican

Honoring the Dead, Roadside Edition Dear Mexican, A few years ago, I moved to Tucson. In said city, I noticed that there were little piles of stuff accumulated on the medians of the main roads. It looks like what was Dia de la Muertos paraphernalia— I’m not so gringo as to not know what’s up. These little piles of beads—sometimes piles big enough to have bikes—are obviously memorials to deceased family and friends.

My question is this: Why the need to litter the medians or roadsides?

— Down Under, Mexicans Blow

someone “littering”? As long as it’s not on private property, why does a roadside memorial bother you? May a pigeon perch on your cenotaph!

Gustavo Arellano

Dear DUMB, “Paraphernalia”? I hope that’s what you call the tombstones of your relatives—actually, I hope you don’t, because that just means you’re even more of an insensitive baboso than you currently are. Primeramente, despite the strenuous efforts of hipsters, Día de los Muertos (that last word is masculine—hence, the use of the masculine singular definite article el instead of the la you used. How gringo of you!) is actually a solemn holiday—everything used for a display has a personal meaning not easily purchased at Party City. As I’ve written before, Mexicans have a much more cordial relationship with Death than gabachos, so descansos commemorating accidents can stay up for years in Mexican neighborhoods and no one gets their chonis in a bunch like you have. How is remembering

30

Dear Mexican, There seems to be a lot of questions on your take of what’s Mexican and why Mexicans do this or do that—my question is on heritage, Mr. Mexicano. My last name, Anguiano, is from a little village in Spain. I notice how it sounds and how it seems to be closely related to Arabic. Now, I learned that Arabs came to Spain at one time—could there be a chance that all Mexicans originated from Arabic peeps? I don’t know much—just like to have your take on it?

— Askin’ Arellano about Anguiano

“Descansos commemorating accidents can stay up for years in Mexican neighborhoods and no one gets their chonis in a bunch.”

Dear AAAA, You don’t know much? You at least know your surname is habitational, which is more than most Mexis know about their apellido. And you also know that the Moors invaded Spain and infiltrated supposedly pure Spanish bloodlines far and wide. But Arabic heritage only went so far—yes, we worship a virgin with a partly Arabic name, but Anguiano’s home province of La Rioja was part of al-Andalus for only a few centuries until retaken by Spaniards in

The Pulse | Vol. 8, Issue 4 | January 27, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

the 10th century. That’s when the word “Anguiano” first entered Hispanic chronicles, and the name for the village of the same name was chosen specifically because of its Latin origins—those are lost to history, but we can safely assume it had something to do with snakes, since the word angui is the singular form of snake in Latin. Maybe Anguiano means “snake man”? Eh, post hoc pendejo propter hoc.

GOOD MEXICAN OF THE WEEK: La Bloga is the country’s premier Chicano literary blog, a rotating collection of authors who review books, pen essays and original works, report on news, post interviews with authors and show the world America’s rich Chicano/Latino literary traditions. I’d be remiss in this plug if I didn’t mention one of the contributors: Daniel Olivas, whose recently released The Book of Want by the University of Arizona Press is a fantastic short novel chronicling the lives of a family just like any other gabacho clan—except they’re Mexican and their matriarch visits from the other side. Run, DUMB! Bookmark labloga.blogspot.com and read diario!

Have a question? Ask the Mexican at themexican@askamexican. net, be his fan on Facebook, follow him on Twitter or ask him a video question at youtube.com/askamexicano!

www.chattanoogapulse.com | January 27, 2011 | Vol. 8, Issue 4 | The Pulse

31