The Pulse - Vol. 8, Issue 40

INSIDE» BE AFRAID. BE VERY AFRAID.

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HALLOWEENGUIDE»

Chattanooga's Weekly Alternative

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HAUNTED HOUSES & EVENTS. BAR & CLUB PARTIES. SCARY STUFF.

NEWS

CHATTANOOGA’S ULTIMATE HALLOWEEN GUIDE SHOCKTOBER 6 • 2011

Local haunts

New book catalogs city’s creepy hot spots UPDATED WEEKLY

HAUNTED HOUSES BAR & CLUB PARTIES

COUNCIL TAKES ThE bLUE RhINO bY ThE hORN

bus sTOP bLuEs

LIfE’S RICh pAgEANT UNfOLdS ON A bUS RIdE fROm bRAINERd

THE WEird WOrLd OF WAYNE WHiTE

hIXSON-bREd ARTIST RETURNS TO wINdER bINdER

FREE • NEWS | VIEWS | MUSIC | FILM | ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT • octobER 6, 2011 • VOLUME 8 • ISSUE 40 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

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ON THE BEAT SHRINK RAP DINING OUT FREE WILL ASTROLOGY JONESIN' CROSSWORD LIFE IN THE NOOG

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VOLUME 8, ISSUE 40 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

ARTS

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www.chattanoogapulse.com | October 6, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 40 | The Pulse

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NEWS & OPINION Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative President Jim Brewer, II Publisher Zachary Cooper Contributing Editor Janis Hashe News Editor Gary Poole Art Director Bill Ramsey Director of Sales Rhonda Rollins Advertising Sales Rick Leavell, Michelle Pih Contributors Rob Brezsny, Dave Castaneda Chuck Crowder, John DeVore Janis Hashe, Matt Jones Josh Lang, D.E. Langley Kelly Lockhart, Cody Maxwell Robert McCrory, Ernie Paik Rick Pimental-Habib,Gary Poole Bill Ramsey, Alex Teach Editorial Cartoonist Rick Baldwin Editorial Intern Beth Miller Photography Josh Lang, Louis Lee Contact Info: Phone (423) 265-9494 Fax (423) 266-2335 Email Inquiries info@chattanoogapulse.com Calendar Submissions calendar@chattanoogapulse.com The Pulse is published weekly and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publishers may take more than one copy per weekly issue. The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors.

The Pulse is published by

Brewer Media 1305 Carter Street Chattanooga, Tennessee 37402 Letters to the editor must include name, address and daytime phone number for verification. The Pulse reserves the right to edit letters for space and clarity.

The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on culture, the arts, entertainment and local news.

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Rhino In A China Shop

By Bill Ramsey, Pulse Contributor

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hen times are tough and budgets tight, politicians rein in spending on nonessential services lest they face their constituents’ wrath.

Public art, which often gets batted around like a political hockey puck, is usually among the first victims.

Such was the case last week when the Chattanooga City Council clashed over the proposed purchase of “Blue Boy Pull Toy #1,” the big blue rhino atop a cart by local artist John Petrey that’s been celebrated by residents, visitors and art mavens since it took up residence near the Chattanooga Theatre Centre.

The mayor“Four appointed citizen councilmembers board that recmade passionate ommends public art purchases fiand eloquent nanced by private pleas for and public funding endorsed spending public art in $32,000 to purChattanooga, chase “Blue Boy”, which is an citing its critical ingredient in any and popular acclaim. And while successful and the sculpture is the livable city.” committee’s first recommended outlay in three years, at least two councilmembers couldn’t resist the chance to score political points by objecting to the expense.

“I hate to see this brought up now until we get through these economic hard times,” said Councilman Jack Benson in a report on chattanoogan.com. “I’m not ready to spend money for public art right now even if it is already covered in the city parks and recreation budget.”

The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 40 | October 6, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

Councilwoman Deborah Scott also chimed in, according to the website, with the old saw that fixing roads is more important.

Both sentiments would be relevant if money were being diverted from public works and city services—but it’s not. The funds for Petrey’s piece would be drawn from existing capital already approved for such expenditures—to continue Chattanooga’s growing reputation as a gold-star example of mid-size cities embracing the arts.

“What the public doesn’t understand is that we have budget of more than $300,000,” said Peggy Townsend, who heads the Public Art Committee and acts as part-time director of Public Art Chattanooga, the nonprofit foundation that manages more than 100 permanent and 42 temporary artworks placed throughout the city. “This is a small part of the budget and the funds from the city budget are miniscule while the benefits are huge.”

Indeed, Petrey, an internationally recognized artist who relocated to Chattanooga under the ArtsMove grant program, would directly benefit from the sale and the money would stay in the city. By vetoing the purchase, council would find themselves in the uncomfortable position of quashing a sustained cultural movement and

an economic generator all at once.

Townsend said she’s optimistic the purchase would be approved during the city’s Tuesday, October 4, meeting. The purchase requires at least five affirmative votes and the much-photographed “Blue Boy” has fans on the council —Andrae McGary (who also serves on the Public Art Committee), Russell Gilbert, Sally Robinson and Peter Murphy all praised the work and noted public art was among the reasons Chattanooga attracted so many visitors and corporate investment.

Townsend worries Benson or Scott—the usual dissenters in public art battles—could topple the rhino’s cart, but lauds the support of most of the council.

“I’m feeling good about it,” she said in an interview last week. “Four councilmembers made passionate and eloquent pleas for public art in Chattanooga, which is an ingredient in any successful and livable city.”

NEWS & OPINION

Gay Soldiers, Gay Marriage?

The Pentagon has decided that military chaplains will be allowed to perform samesex unions on military installations despite the 1996 Defense of Marriage Act which, for federal purposes, defines marriage as the union of one man and one woman. This decision clearly violates the spirit of DOMA, because the result will be federal employees and facilities funded by American taxpayers to perform ceremonies that have no legal recognition under federal law.

Cindy Roberts Protect Our Families and Ourselves House Republicans have just released a Tea Party agenda on steroids. They plan to cut off funds for NPR and Planned Parenthood, slash education and job training programs, and repeal President Obama’s health reform law. Republicans are even going after heating assistance for poor families, all while protecting tax breaks for you know who: multi-millionaires and Big Oil companies. It’s not a plan to create jobs. It’s a slap in the face.

Robby Mook Find a New Family Friend McKamey Animal Center is celebrating

Send all letters to the editor and questions to

info@chattanoogapulse.com We reserve the right to edit letters for content and space. Please include your full name, city and contact information.

October as Adopt-A-Shelter-Dog month.

To celebrate, we have reduced all adult dog adoption fees by 50 percent during the entire month of October. Each year, thousands of animals enter the McKamey Center seeking the support of community pet-lovers to open their hearts and provide forever homes. We could not leave out our feline friends so we are having spooktacular savings on them too!

It’s our $9 for 9 lives promotion. All adult cats are just $9. When you see our fabulous felines we bet you can’t take just one so you can adopt two cats for just $1 more. Two cats for $10! We are currently housing over 350 homeless animals. Help us find them a forever home. Adopt, don’t wait, shelter pets are great!

Karen Walsh McKamey Animal Center Budweiser Supports the USO Budweiser of Chattanooga recently partnered with the Chattanooga Lookouts to donate $3,200 to the United Service Organizations.

Budweiser of Chattanooga pledged a donation of $25 for each homerun hit at a Chattanooga Lookouts game during the 2011 season.

Anheuser-Busch agreed to match each pledge with a donation of the same amount, bringing the total contributions per homerun to $50.

By the end of the season, the Chattanooga Lookouts had logged a total of 64 homeruns, which went to support the USO and their mission to support deployed servicemen and servicewomen and their families through a number of morale-boosting programs and events.

Tia Capps www.chattanoogapulse.com | October 6, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 40 | The Pulse

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NEWS & OPINION A weekly roundup of the newsworthy, notable and often head-scratching stories gleaned from police reports from the Chattanooga Police Department, the Hamilton County Sheriff’s Office, the Bradley County Sheriff’s Department and the Dalton Police Department.

The Wayne White Experience Hits Winder Binder When you survey the work of an artist, you get a sense of perspective from that body of work. A sort of “here is where I’m coming from” kind of message. Sometimes that perspective is more difficult to discern than others.

Wayne White is an artist that offers you the clarity of perspective while delivering it in amazingly diverse ways.

Wayne is originally from Chattanooga—Hixson to be more precise—and has been on an incredible journey ever since he left in 1979 to attend MTSU, then on to New York City where his career began to build.

You are likely to be familiar with his work even though you may not recognize his name. Did you ever watch Pee-wee Herman’s Playhouse on television? Wayne was the creator of the puppets on that show. He was also the voice of Randy, the red-haired, freckled and slightly mischievous one of the puppet character lot. If you remember the music videos from Peter Gablriel’s “Big Time” or The Smashing Pumpkin’s “Tonight, Tonight”, you’re familiar with his art direction as well. Wayne won Billboard and MTV Music Video Awards for his work on both of those videos.

More recently, Wayne has taken his art into newer realms, with installation works and unique paintings using cheap, found yard-sale paintings that he embellishes with words and phrases painted into the original image with his “3D” treatment of the letters. In 2009, Wayne published a book titled

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Wayne White: Maybe Now I’ll Get The Respect I So Richly Deserve. This 382page opus, with forward by designer Todd Oldham, chronicles Wayne’s work and offers images of his creative output.

Wayne is returning to his hometown this weekend for a presentation about his work, with some very special extras.

If you have ever been to an artist’s lecture—don’t expect this one to be anything like that. In addition to presenting his work and highlights of his life, Wayne will perform on the banjo (and perhaps harmonica? He does that too), and the Shaking Ray Levis will be collaborating with him in music and spoken-word performance. It’s certain that there will be more unexpected things happening at this event.

Wayne has done a smaller presentation at Winder Binder Folk Art Gallery and Bookstore in the past. Each time I’ve told someone about that past presentation, the response has always been the same...they are sorry that they missed it. You don’t have to miss it this time. I promise it will be one of the more memorable things you’ve attended this year, and perhaps, ever.

Mark your calendar for this Sunday.

— Robert McCrory Sunday, October 9 Reception 6 –7 p.m., music from 7 to 8:30 p.m. Booksigning afterwards.

Winder Binder Folk Art Gallery 40 Frazier Avenue (423) 413-8999.

The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 40 | October 6, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

low-priced merchandise and cleaning supplies, the hapless pair fled themselves, taking nothing.

• One would think that local bars and nightclubs would eventually learn that gambling machines are a no-no. Yet, once again, officers with the Chattanooga police’s Regulatory Bureau raided a longtime Bonny Oaks establishment and found not only two illegal gambling machines, but seized more than $4,700 in cash. The owner of the restaurant was cited for gambling promotion and possession of gambling devices. And to add insult to self-inflicted injury, the fire marshal’s office, building, electrical and health inspectors came along on the raid and each found of number of violations.

For once, the house didn’t win.

• What does it say about a pair of criminals when even their victims don’t take them seriously? A pair of masked gunman thought they had an easy score when they ran into a South Terrace retail store early one evening last week. One had a pistol, the other had a shotgun.

Fortunately for the employees, they noticed the pair well before they made it through the front doors and were able to run out the back of the store. Without access to the cash register or safe without an employee present, the ineffectual robbers turned towards a customer and demanded his wallet…only to watch as he, too, fled the store before they could get to him.

Realizing that there was no one left to rob, and nothing to steal except for some

• Though it startled and concerned some folks as first, it turned out there was nothing sinister about human bones found in a dumpster behind a managed care facility last weekend. It turns out the bones were discarded by a woman living there.

The resident told police the bones belonged to her great-great-grandfather, who was a doctor in North Georgia in the 1890s. The skeleton and other medical equipment had been handed down as family heirlooms for years. Over time, she informed officers, parts of the skeleton were lost or burned in a fire. She also said that she had contacted authorities ahead of time to let them know the bones would be in the dumpster, but apparently the message was lost somewhere along the way.

• Who watches the watchers?

A corrections officer is, herself, in jail after allegedly smuggling marijuana into the Silverdale Workhouse. The 20-year-old woman is accused of hiding less than an ounce of weed in a “very private place.” She then delivered it to a county inmate and was paid $25 for her trouble. Alas for her, her plan failed when she was caught with the not-so-secretly smuggled herb, and as a result is facing charges of felony possession of marijuana and smuggling contraband into a penal institute. She’s also been placed on administrative leave during the investigation, which is likely the least of her concerns now.

OPINION

| On The Beat

That Thin Blue Line Sticker I

to law enforcement and to those in their was pushing a car down the middle of immediate families a busy thoroughfare one afternoon when a passing car slowed to my pace and made the because they’re the ones in it. They’re the clear indication they had a question to ask. ones who dread certain I was sure they were going to offer to help, phone calls or knocks but that’s probably only because I really at the door. Support needed it. is an FOP sticker. The Instead, a woman who didn’t entirely blue line sticker—that’s not resemble Gene Simmons asked “Hay, for those that live it. can you tell me where I could git one of For what it’s worth, those ‘blue line’ stickers folks put on their cars? I really been wantin’ one. I’m goin’ to it also doesn’t mean the blue lights behind Daytona next week.” you will suddenly shut I cocked my head slightly as I continued off once the sticker’s seen. It means you’re pushing the car (never, ever waste going to get asked about it when the guy momentum in these circumstances; trust or girl in blue is standing next to you with me) and all I could think to say was “Try a citation book in hand, and when you say the police academy. You’d love it. Isn’t “No, no reason, I just love cops!”, they’ll this great?” She returned my look of know the deal and be a little more pissed off puzzlement, and sped off. (Good luck with than they were seconds ago. You have one her, Florida.) because you’re a cop, or are married to one “Them ‘blue line’ stickers...” They mean or raised one. And if you ARE married to something, you know. Most are aware it’s one or were raised in the same house (or by obviously in support of cops and would at least one of the same even correctly guess, if “It’s there to parents), it’s still not a pressed, that it’s about the line between “order and let them know “get out of court free” chaos”. Let me take it a that the person pass.

I have one, and it’s put bit deeper, though: driving is 80 in an obscure place only The blue itself cops would notice in a represents the officer percent likely black-on-black place. It’s and what it takes to face to be carrying there to let them know insurmountable odds. The a duty weapon, that the person driving black background isn’t a coincidence or cool and it starts the is 80 percent likely to be carrying a duty delineator, either; it was conversation.” weapon, and it starts the designed as a constant conversation. reminder of our fallen brother and sister That’s what it means, and that’s why officers. they’re not handed out like Prozac. There The line? That’s what cops protect: are rip-offs though, and those ARE handed The barrier between unrest and a civilized society, between order and chaos. Between out freely. And who better to capitalize on another’s great idea than the Nozzleheads? respect for decency and utter lawlessness.

In their inability to resist public support Put together, they symbolize the since they do nothing to really piss people camaraderie law enforcement officers all off (aside from occasional murder and share…the brotherhood. pornography charges), they came up with That’s why when others see it as “Thin Red Line” stickers. I love it. “something to get out of a ticket”, not The “Thin Red Line” actually refers to a only are they shallow and ignorant, they’re phrase a journalist used to describe a thin wrong. The stickers are generally sold only

line of British soldiers about to defend against a much larger Russian force at the Battle of Balaclava in 1854.

Nothing stood between the charging Russian soldiers and the British regiment’s base but a “thin red streak tipped with a line of steel.” So, the firemen managed to turn a phrase about a thinly spread military unit holding firm against attack into something about…putting out fires and posing in calendars, I guess.

This amuses me, but it infuriated the EMS folks who scrambled to get their own sticker too, but cops already had blue, and when they went for orange (like the lines on their trucks), they found bounty hunters had taken orange. (Seriously.) Silver seemed cool, but jailers had taken that one. (Again, seriously.) No one wanted white though, so they also had their color.

Park rangers took green, eventually, and I recently learned that security officers and loss prevention officers took “yellow”.

(I believe there is no need for smartass comment here; what more could I say?)

While I respect every profession listed above (what would the world be without Dog the Bounty Hunter and private store dicks at Belk?), I think they didn’t so much dilute a sign of brotherhood as kind of make themselves look like assholes, despite their good intentions.

That’s what the sticker means, folks. So if you have to ask for one—you shouldn’t get it. Cops would really just prefer you smile and wave, or at least, help push that damn car off the road.

(Next Week: What “That Twitch In The Eye” means, and how firemen want to do it, too.)

Alex Teach

When Officer Alexander D. Teach is not patrolling our fair city on the heels of the criminal element, he is an occasional student, carpenter, boating enthusiast, and spends his spare time volunteering for the Boehm Birth Defects Center. Follow him on Facebook at www.facebook.com/alex.teach www.chattanoogapulse.com | October 6, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 40 | The Pulse

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BUS STOP BLUES COVER STORY

LifE’S rich PagEanT UnfOLdS On a BUS ridE frOm BrainErd

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o I was just out of spending five days in the Walker County Jail. Walker County, Georgia, mind you— anyone who knows will tell you there’s a big difference between Georgia and Tennessee jails. My sister bailed me out, loaned me some cash and dumped me off at home. They let me out around three o’clock in the morning and I got home around five. I smelled like stale sweat, dirty hair and a fake wool blanket. I had a jailhouse KoolAid stain on my shirt.

BY cOdY maXWELL

PhOTOS BY LESha PaTTErSOn

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My old lady was pissed off and gone. I had no job, the 25 bucks my sister had given me and half a pack of smokes to my name. I needed to come up with some more cash fast, or I’d be right back in the pokey. Georgia won’t leave you alone if you owe them money. I owed them 200 bucks, and in Georgia you pay your fines or your ass goes back to jail until somebody else pays them for you. They seem to enjoy having Tennessee boys down there.

I didn’t have time for a shower. I grabbed a book of matches from a gas station down the road, got the guy working there to call me a cab and waited on the corner there for the driver to come pick me up.

I was heading out to Brainerd, to this day-worker employment place I’d found when I was in a similar spot a while back. I’ve spent my time in those dayworker temporary employment offices waiting on some construction foreman to come by looking for some hands to go clean up a construction site. The work might show up or it might not—you never know.

I had my doubts with the drizzling rain falling outside but thought I’d try it anyway.

The cab showed up and drove me across town to Brainerd Road. Somehow my name was still in the

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computer there at the employment office and the woman behind the desk told me to have a seat and be patient if I wanted to work.

I sat there, stretched out my legs, folded my arms and waited. I knew better than to strike up a conversation with the lady behind the desk. She hummed along to a Jesus radio station playing softly beside her and she had no use for me.

There’s a coffee machine with Styrofoam cups beside it, but I knew better than that, too. If the church lady catches you drinking more than two or three cups of coffee, she’ll laugh at you and tell you she’s going to have to start charging you for it. “Were you up all night last night?” she asks sometimes. Then she straightens out a blanket she has lying over her lap and looks at a picture of her husband scotch-taped to the wall. A little smile might foam out of her mouth when she looks at you and goes back to humming along with the Jesus songs.

All you do is sit around those places reading yesterday’s newspapers and hoping a pick-up truck shows up outside with somebody needing some help. Today’s paper entices you from a table nearby, smelling like ink, unwrinkled and unread. Brand new. But you can’t read it because the church lady hasn’t looked at it yet and she doesn’t want it molested by day-worker’s hands.

I went outside to smoke a cigarette. You can’t stand under the awning over the door to keep out of the rain, though, because the church lady hates cigarettes. At least it was only a drizzling rain. I leaned up against the building and didn’t get too wet.

They’re dotted here and there down Brainerd Road, those little employment places. You show up one day and write your credentials down on a piece of paper.

Tell them you know how to drive a nail, or you’ve picked up roofing debris before. Show them the work boots on your feet and lie about your habits. Then you wait. Sometimes the work shows up for you and sometimes it doesn’t.

If the work shows up, that’s good. You get to go

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“he started telling the bus driver about his kids, his baby’s mama and some other girlfriend he kept who offered him parenting advice the other day.”

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clean up construction sites for eight bucks an hour.

But if it’s not there by noon. you might as well go on home. I sat alone in the room with the church lady humming her songs until a little after noon. It was still drizzling rain outside and like I suspected, no work showed up. I’d had enough, was pissed off about wasting what little money I had on the cab and told the church lady I was going home. I walked out to the bus stop. A dollar-fifty will usually get you within walking distance to home on CARTA. I got out to the bus stop and looked up and down the road. No buses were coming. They come around in 15- or 20-minute intervals, a little slower if the weather’s bad. The rain let up some and I resigned myself to the wait. I’d been waiting in jail for days, in the jail-like dead-end employment office for hours— waiting for the bus only seemed natural.

A skinny teenage girl came down the sidewalk behind me with a bundled-up sleeping baby in a stroller.

She parked the baby beside me and I looked down at it. The little kid was dry and looked warm. I looked up at the girl behind the stroller. She was a very pretty, small black girl—couldn’t have been more than 17 years old. She parked the stroller and started bartering with some other kids there who had a bag of candy. “Can I have one?” she asked them. She put her hand in her pocket. “I’ll give you a piece of my bubble gum?” The pretty young girl caught me watching their bargaining and laughed at me. “You want a piece of bubble gum, too?”

I smiled no, put my hands in my pocket and turned away.

“I got a bad cold comin’ on—need to get on out this weather.” This skinny old white woman in a ball cap and blue jean jacket and a voice like sandpaper was talking to whoever was listening. I knew quick that I didn’t want to hear her complain and took a few steps toward this other old white woman sitting on a bench there.

She was grossly overweight and had two or three plastic Dollar General Store bags at her feet. A yellow toboggan covered her head and short grey hair stuck out from under it. She wore a khaki trench coat and khaki pants. Blue Reebok sneakers were on her feet.

She kept her head bowed and picked at her eyes with her fingernails. She must have known I was looking at her and glanced up at me real quick—her eyes were dark, like a hole in a wall that looks into night—then she looked back down just as fast, picking at her eyes again. When she looked at me. I saw a flesh-colored band-aid across her cheek.

From the parking lot behind us an old white man walked up with a red buggy full of Dollar Store groceries. From the neck down, he looked like he just punched out from a day of working behind a desk at a bank, but his worn-out face looked like his liver most likely did. He had a brown paper-bagged 40-ounce he didn’t try to hide from any of us, but he did glance around for cop cars when he pulled it out.

An American Taxi pulled up to the bus stop and asked if anyone needed a ride. Cab drivers know when people will pay their rate rather than the buses’ cheaper rate, and one of those times was when it was raining. The man with the red buggy shoved his bottle of beer in one of his shopping bags and said, “Yeah, I need a ride.” He pushed the red shopping buggy toward the minivan cab.

But a young black woman with three small kids

around her was there, too. She wanted the ride.

They debated with the taxi driver for a minute, then the man said, “Well, hell, we can ride together, can’t we?” The young black woman laughed and said she didn’t care. The cab driver didn’t like the idea—he was thinking about missing out on two different cab fares. He asked them where they were going. Since they were both going towards the same part of town, he grudgingly agreed. The young woman helped the man with his bags and they all crawled in. The body of the car squashed down over the wheels a little and they were laughing over the close quarters when the driver slammed the sliding door shut, hopped in the driver’s seat, then headed back out down Brainerd’s wet streets.

“I dozed off for a while, listening to the motor hum and the chatter of the guy up front. When I woke up it was almost dark. I think I’d missed my stop and rode in a circle.”

I looked down the road for the bus. After the cab fare I’d paid that morning and after I paid the bus fare, I’d have about 10 bucks left. I was trying to decide whether to go across the street and get a hamburger or save the money for booze and smokes. But just then the bus pulled up to a red light down the road and made the decision for me. It’d be wheat and barley for supper.

The old woman who picked at her eyes was riding the same bus as me. She stood up with her bags and I let her shuffle on then stepped up behind her.

Dropped my dollar-fifty in the pay slot and sat down in a corner back seat.

There weren’t many other people riding, three or four other people scattered here and there. The old woman sat a few seats ahead of me. I leaned my head against the glass window and tried to watch Brainerd slide by but this black guy around 30 was sitting in the front seat behind the bus driver talking to her really loud. She apparently knew his mother and asked about her.

“She doing good,” he said. “Real good. She don’t drink no more. Just a little bit of Grey Goose now and then. That’s all.”

That was funny and I sat up to listen to him. He wore dirty old blue jean shorts and his hair was nappy. He had a real bright and shiny pair of Nikes on his feet, though, with black socks pulled up over his calves. He shifted all over his seat and couldn’t keep still. He acted out the things he said from his seat, shifting and bouncing around everywhere. He rattled on and on and kept the bus driver laughing.

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“I could scratch up some change for the next bus ride—I’ll be riding on that bus ‘til I Cadillac—but it didn’t matter that night.”

“Now you know what a real black mama is. ‘Come here, boy!’ That’s what my mama used to say. You know that’s a real black mama. You know what she’d say? ‘Matter of fact, get out my face.’ That’s what she said. ‘Get outside. Don’t come back ‘til 8 o’clock.’”

He started telling the bus driver about his kids, his baby’s mama and some other girlfriend he kept who offered him parenting advice the other day.

The woman who picked at her eyes pulled a blackand-white striped shirt out of her bags. She put the tag in the collar close to her face and read it. She wiped her face with it, then looked back at me, to see if I’d seen her do it, then turned back around real fast.

She bowed her head and picked at her eyes again. I leaned my head against the window watching the rain drizzle on Brainerd.

Brainerd looks like that tattoo that was once beautiful on a young girl’s arm—but is now faded and embarrassing. And just like that girl that was young one time—you can see it on both Brainerd’s and the old girl’s faces: they’re tired and they will never be what they once were. At best, they’ll spawn something that might be nice to see. They both look like an afterhours barroom floor.

All the talk of rejuvenating Brainerd—it’s never going to work. There’s got to be a place for checkadvance houses, pawn shops, tittie bars and meatmarket clubs called Envy. The Biker’s Emporium and Church’s Chicken. Those places restore the soul, sometimes. They’re as American as Ronald McDonald. Brainerd’s as good a place as anywhere for them, and being on the bus line anybody that needs a pawn shop or check advance can get there for less than two bucks.

I dozed off for a while, listening to the motor hum and the chatter of the guy up front. When I woke up it was almost dark. I think I’d missed my stop and rode in a circle. I looked out the window trying to figure

out where I was. It took a while before I realized I was somewhere around Dodds Avenue. The bus was packed then. There wasn’t an empty seat and everybody who was there before was gone.

I wondered what they all thought of me, jailhouse dirty and broke and too tired to stay awake. I looked around wondering who was watching me the way I’d been watching them. Nobody was. Nobody seemed to notice me at all.

The bus finally made it downtown and I had to get a transfer for the next bus to get me closer to home.

I finally made it out to St. Elmo. I could scratch up some change for the next bus ride—I’ll be riding on that bus ‘til I Cadillac—but it didn’t matter that night.

I took a much-needed bath, grabbed a Bible and crawled into bed. I flipped open the Good Book and started reading the red letters. It wasn’t the first time I’d lost it all, probably wouldn’t be my last. Tomorrow was another day.

I thought about calling somebody but didn’t want to hear what anyone had to say. Everybody says you have to be better than that. You have to be above this or that. That’s no way to live, they say, and offer somebody they consider better than themselves as the alternative example. You need to get in a church somewhere. Be around good people. You’re talented and you’re wasting yourself.

I had crazy thoughts in my head and my ears were ringing so I turned on the radio. Tuned it to the Collegedale classical station and listened to some Debussey piano music that was playing. I laid back reading the red letters and trying to listen to the piano music on the radio, but I was jonesin’ for another beer and for some reason kept hearing that old ghost of a blues man Robert Johnson singing in my head:

1/2 V

You may bury my body down by the highway side So my old evil spirit can catch a Greyhound bus and ride

www.chattanoogapulse.com | October 6, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 40 | The Pulse

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MUSIC

Let’s Take A Dive This Month

By Dave Castaneda, Pulse Music Writer

W

ell, fancy seeing you land on this page! What is there to do this month? I’ve been wondering that myself. So, I’ve taken the liberty to go find that out for you. There is so much fun stuff to do this month that it’s going to be really hard to hit everything up— I’ve covered the basic party places that you need to be. The next time you think about sitting on the couch watching reruns of Arrested Development on Netflix instead of going out because there is “nothing to do”, check out this guide.

Wick-It The Instigator There are no words to describe how DJ Wick-It handles a crowd. He doesn’t just DJ and play music. He massacres the crowd, scrambles their brains, and completely owns the dance floor. That’s a good thing—he’s got a lot of stage presence and street cred to boot. His skills have taken him to crazy levels and have even scored him a mash-up project with The Black Keys and Big Boi of Outkast.

He also is playing the second annual Pretty Lights Music Illumination Festival in Nashville this month, so this is a perfect opportunity to catch him before he blows up even further. This is not your typical DJ that just plays one particular genre of music. Wick-It spans across genres and combines elements of hip-hop, rock, and bass music in ways that no other producer has touched.

JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK St. Thursday, October 6 9 p.m. – 3 a.m.

21+, $5 cover www.wickittheinstigator.tumblr.com

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Sol Sessions—Legacy of Fela Sol Sessions is one of my favorite nights in town when I can get a bunch of my friends together who have nothing to do on a Thursday night. This is an exploratory music adventure for me as SelectaK7, Flux 308, and 789 take the crowd through so many different spectrums of global music. This week, the crew explores the legacy of Fela Kuti’s music and paint a palette of music for your ears touching upon the shades of Afrobeat, Afrorock, and funk music. What’s so fun about this night is that it’s free, so it’s super-easy to The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 40 | October 6, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

convince friends to come with and the drinks are amazing at The Social.

The Social, 1110 Market Street Thursday, October 6 9 p.m. – 1 a.m.

21+, Free admission Baby Baby Baby Baby is an amazing indie band from Atlanta that has played in town before with our hometown heroes, Machines Are People Too. This is their first headlining show in Chatty, and boy, do they deserve it. Baby Baby delivers high-energy shows that force you to get down and rage as hard as you can.

With tracks like “Fire” that get you up and dancing in seconds, whenever I go to a Baby Baby show I seriously have some awesome fun. You can stream all the band’s tracks on their myspace page and check out what the hype is about.

JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd.

Saturday, October 8 9 p.m. – 3 a.m.

21+, $7 cover www.myspace.com/babybabylovesyou The Psych Factory with DJ Excel I feel as though this is one of Chattanooga’s best-kept secrets so far. The Crash Pad is a hostel where travelers from all over the nation can stop by and rest up. Every now and then, it’s also a place where we can all party at their pavilion. Their outdoor shows are great and always have an atmosphere that is out of this world and guess what? The acts that this little hostel has been bringing

to Chattanooga are actually world-class! I have to give this place big props for bringing in people like Sammy Bananas, who resides on Fool’s Gold records with people like A-Trak and Chromeo. DJ Excel is no different with DJ Jazzy Jeff saying, “He’s one of the few true DJs left in the world. He is the ‘Philly DJ sound’ that everyone talks about.

Ex is one of the few DJs that I’ve played a 4 turntable set with.”

The Crash Pad, 29 Johnson Street Saturday, October 8 9 p.m. – 2 a.m.

21+, $5 cover The Cadillac Saints with Alabama Shakes & Bohannons If rock and blues is more of your thing, then stop by JJ’s on the 15th to catch what is one of the best line-ups in a long while. The Cadillac Saints have busted their tails and paid their dues. They are coming into their own in the music scene and have some amazing songwriting abilities. The Alabama Shakes were in Chattanooga last month with DriveBy Truckers and had nonstop positive reviews from everyone who went to the show—they are worth seeing. Add these guys in with the legendary Bohannons, and you have yourself the formula for one of the best deals in town.

Highly recommended for a laid-back night.

JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd.

Saturday, October 15 9 p.m. – 3 a.m.

21+, $7 cover www.facebook.com/thecadillacsaints

MUSIC

Popol Vuh

Various Artists

(SPV)

(LOAF)

Revisited & Remixed T h e r e ’ s much more to Krautrock—the term used for innovative German rock from the late ’60s through the ’70s—than driving, entrancing, minimalist styles, heard in recognized classics such as Can’s “Mother Sky” and NEU!’s “Hallogallo.” Among the more abstract, electronically enhanced bands playing the “kosmische” flavor of Krautrock, one key group was Popol Vuh, formed by keyboardist Florian Fricke.

Popol Vuh’s music was expansive, sometimes ambient-leaning, with various international elements and a sense of mysticism and even spirituality. At times, it’s like the aural equivalent of taking a long, thoughtful gaze at some massive ancient monument and being nourished by it and its vast natural surroundings.

The new 2-CD compilation Revisited & Remixed 1970-1999, arriving 10 years after Fricke passed away, seems to have been designed entirely with the newcomer in mind. The first disc, “Planet Side,” is a solid assortment, concentrating heavily on the band’s early Moog synthesizer-enhanced works and soundtracks for films by the legendary director Werner Herzog. Although the quality is high, this is not exactly a balanced collection, featuring no tracks from certain major albums such as Einsjäger & Siebenjäger and a relative dearth of vocals. There’s nothing with key Korean singer Djong Yun, but there’s a German choir on “Brüder Des Schattens”—that’s about it. However, it’s hard to quibble when what’s included is pretty incredible stuff, including vital Popol Vuh material such as the airy, haunting “Aguirre I” with a Mellotron chorus, “Through Pains to Heaven” from Nosferatu with Euro-folk melodies and buzzing tambura drones, and roughly half of each of the group’s first two albums.

The second disc, “Cosmic Side,” is an apparent attempt to reach a younger audience using remixes from electronic artists, and it’s hit-or-miss. Some have four-on-the-floor beats pointlessly tacked on, while others are more palatable, such as the one from Stereolab for “Hosianna Mantra,” with subtle, restrained keyboard flourishes; Mouse on Mars delivers an imaginative, yet startling reworking of “Through Pains to Heaven,” with sound warping and a video-game-esque playfulness. As an intro, this collection will do, but I recommend starting from the beginning, with 1970’s Affenstunde, and working your way up in the catalog; or, watch Herzog’s superb Aguirre, the Wrath of God and experience a masterpiece of both vision and sound. — Ernie Paik

Domestic Pop Deux Contemporaneous variousartists compilations can often be dodgy affairs, sometimes with leftover tracks jumbled together with no real organization, but every so often, one is assembled with thought and care, capturing some subgenre zeitgeist with acts putting their best feet forward. A few standouts that come to mind are spinART’s indie-pop compilation …One Last Kiss, Drunken Fish’s 1996 drone/space-rock set Harmony of the Spheres, and States Rights Records’ electronic-leaning pop collection Bro Zone, and sonically in line with that last one is the new anthology from the London-based label Lo Alternative Frequencies (LOAF), Domestic Pop Deux. A significant portion of the collection is in line with the new wave, synth-pop revival that’s in full swing, with quirky, upbeat electronic music that at times evokes the more poppy moments of Animal Collective.

By “domestic,” the compilation’s title doesn’t mean the geographic term (the cheeky cover art clinches this), featuring acts from near and far, like the Belgian group él-g, which contributes the lithe, gentle, French-sung “Armelle,” COOLRUNNINGS from Knoxville, Tenn. with the post-punk, post-rad “San Dimas Oasis,” and the mysterious Clive Tanaka, who, if we are to believe, is a Japanese musician and manufacturing mogul (though my bet is he’s an American dude with a fabricated backstory). Dustin Wong, guitarist of Ponytail and Ecstatic Sunshine, delivers the solo track “Anniversary Song,” which doesn’t sound like either of the aforementioned groups, nor like his 2010 layered guitar album Infinite Love; it’s a busy, cute, and jittery sample-and-drum machine instrumental. Nickel Pressing’s “Beck Is Back” brings to mind the rock-band-with-violin approach of the Dambuilders, with stirring, wild violin lines and a manic style. Grimes (the onewoman band of Claire Boucher) uses guitar lines that evoke the Cure on “Devon,” combined with sensual, incomprehensible vocals, heavy on the reverb.

I’m not sure if every artist on Domestic Pop Deux is capable of holding the listener’s attention over the course of an entire album, but each track has a spark; although not all are mind-blowing, none drags down the album, and there’s a healthy, infectious momentum, with the hit/miss ratio well above average. — Ernie Paik www.chattanoogapulse.com | October 6, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 40 | The Pulse

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MUSIC

THURSDAY

The Hollywood Kills, Overzealous

“Riveting melodies and dynamic cadences, paired with an intricate account of the ebb and flow of life” from Hollywood Kills. $3 9 p.m.

The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Parkway (423) 468-4192. www.thehonestpint.com

Thursday

Ben Friberg Trio 7 p.m. Table 2, 232 East 11th St. (423) 756-8253. www.table2restaurant.com Open Mic Night 7:30 p.m. The CampHouse, 1427 Williams St., (423) 702-8081. www.thecamphouse.com Blues Jam with Rick Rushing 7:30 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St., (423) 634-0260. www. marketstreettavern.com Jimmy Harris 8 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com The CW 8 p.m. Acoustic Café, 61 RBC Dr., Ringgold. (706) 965-2065. www.ringgoldacoustic.com Prime Cut Trio 8 p.m. The Lounge at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com

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FRIDAY

The Hollywood Kills with Overzealous 9 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy. (423) 468-4192. www.thehonestpint.com Sol Sessions: Legacy of Fela 9 p.m. The Social, 1110 Market St. (423) 266-3366.

Find them on Facebook.

Brian Jones 9 p.m. The Office (inside Days Inn), 901 Carter St. (423) 634-9191.

Find them on Facebook.

Billy “Lightning” Hopkins 9 p.m. Southside Bistro & Saloon, 1301 Chestnut St. (423) 757-4730. www.southsidesaloonandbistro.com Dread Clampett 9:30 p.m. Rhythm and Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com

Friday

Johnny Cash Tribute Band 5 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo Victorian Lounge, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-5000. www.choochoo.com/localevents.

Jimmy Harris 6:30 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Ben Friberg Trio 6:30 p.m. Table 2, 232 East 11th St. (423) 756-8253. www.table2restaurant.com College Band Night 7 p.m. The CampHouse, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081. www.thecamphouse.com Arlo Gilliam 8 p.m. Palms Patio at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd. #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com

Marc Broussard 8 p.m. Track 29, Chattanooga Choo Choo Campus, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-4323. www.track29.co Rosedale Remedy 8 p.m. Acoustic Café, 61 RBC Dr., Ringgold. (706) 965-2065. www.ringgoldacoustic.com Prophets & Kings, Sleepy Viking, John Perry 9 p.m. Collective Clothing Warehouse, 4015 Tennessee Ave. (423) 488-0631. www.collective-clothing.com Cactus King 9 p.m. Southside Bistro & Saloon, 1301 Chestnut St. (423) 757-4730. www. southsidesaloonandbistro.com Jennifer Daniels: Benefit for The Oak Project 9 p.m. Lindsay Street Hall, 901 Lindsay St. (423) 755-9111. www.lindsaystreethall.com Devine Jazz 9 p.m. The Office (inside Days Inn), 901 Carter St. (423) 634-9191.

Find them on Facebook.

C. Scott Moody 10 p.m. Raw Sushi Bar, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919. www.myspace.com/jimstriker Planet, Black Betty, Ledfoot 10 p.m. Rhythm and Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com Karaoke & Dancing 10 p.m. Chattanooga Billiards Club East, 110 Jordan Dr. (423) 499-3883. www.cbcburns.com Rosedale Remedy 10 p.m. T-Bones Cafe, 1419 Chestnut St. (423) 266-4240. www.tboneschattanooga.com

Marc Broussard

R&B, funk, rock, pop, blues all rolled up into what has been labeled “Bayou Soul”. $15 8 p.m.

Track 29, 1400 Market Street (on Choo Choo campus) (423) 266-5000. www.track29.co

Saturday

Brandon McGuiness 12:30 p.m. Chattanooga Market, First Tennessee Pavilion, 1829 Carter St. www.chattanoogamarket.com Mark Kelly Hall & Charlsey Etheridge 2 p.m. Chattanooga Market, First Tennessee Pavilion, 1829 Carter St. www.chattanoogamarket.com Johnny Cash Tribute Band 5 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo Victorian Lounge, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-5000. www.choochoo.com/localevents Jimmy Harris 6:30 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Cliff Eberhardt 8 p.m. Charles & Myrtle’s Coffeehouse, Christ Unity Church, 105 McBrien Rd. www.christunity.org Towe Jam 8 p.m. Palms Patio at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd. #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com

MUSIC

SATURDAY

The Jayhawks

Closing out RiverRocks and launching the tour of their latest album Mockingbird Time.

Free.

8 p.m.

Coolidge Park, North Shore riverrockschattanooga.com Planet, Blackberry 8 p.m. Acoustic Café, 61 RBC Dr., Ringgold. (706) 965-2065. www.ringgoldacoustic.com Gill Landry 8 p.m. Barking Legs Theatre, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347. www.barkinglegs.org Towe Jam 8 p.m. Palms Patio at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd. #202. (423) 499-5055.

Baby Baby, Holy Smokes 9 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 2 31 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia Psych Factory with DJ Excel, DJ K7, Flux 308 9 p.m. The Crash Pad, 29 Johnson St. (423) 648-8393. www.crashpadchattanooga.com John Lathim 9 p.m. The Office (inside Days Inn), 901 Carter St. (423) 634-9191.

Find them on Facebook.

Never Surrender 9 p.m. Southside Bistro & Saloon, 1301 Chestnut St. (423) 757-4730. www.southsidesaloonandbistro.com Soul Survivor 9 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956. www.sugarsribs.com

SUNDAY

Clayton Lee 10 p.m. Raw Sushi Bar, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919. www.myspace.com/jimstriker Function 10 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Velcro Pygmies 10 p.m. Rhythm and Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com

Sunday

Irish Music Session 3 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy. (423) 468-4192. www.thehonestpint.com Open Mic with Jeff Daniels 4 p.m. Ms. Debbie’s Nightlife Lounge 4762 Highway 58, (423) 485-0966. www.myspace.com/debbieslounge Future of Forestry 7 p.m. The Warehouse, 412 Market St. www.warehousevenue.com John Lathim and Company 7 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy. (423) 468-4192. www.thehonestpint.com JJ’s B-Day Bash with J Roddy Walston and The Business, Gringo Star 9 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia Karaoke with DJ Salt 9:30 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com

Monday

Old Tyme Players 6 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com

Big Band Night 8 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Karaoke with DJ Salt 9:30 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com

Tuesday

Open Mic with Mike McDade 9 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pk. (423) 266-1996. www.tremonttavern.com Hamell on Trial 9 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsboehmia Josh Hoges Whiskey Jam 9 p.m. Rhythm and Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com Karaoke with DJ Salt 9:30 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com

Wednesday

Roger Alan Wade 6 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956. www.sugarsribs.com Jimmy Harris 6:30 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055.

Ben Friberg Trio 7 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Open Mic Night 8 p.m. Acoustic Café, 61 RBC Dr., Ringgold. (706) 965-2065. www.ringgoldacoustic.com

J. Roddy Walston,The Business, Gringo Star

J. Roddy rocks it for John and Jen's birthdays, the "JJ's" of JJ's Bohemia. $5 10 pm JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Boulevard (423) 266-1400. myspace.com/jjsbohemia

Queen B & The Well Strung Band 8 p.m. The Lounge at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Open Mic with Mark Porkchop Holder 9 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia IckyBod CrankiN with Innocent Flannel 9 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy. (423) 468-4192. www.thehonestpint.com Jenntastic Wednesdays 9 p.m. Holiday Bowl, 5518 Brainerd Rd. (423) 899-2695. www.holidaybowlbrainerd.com Perpetual Groove 9 p.m. Rhythm and Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com Got a gig coming up that you want to tell the world about?

Email the particulars to us at calendar@chattanoogapulse.com at least ten days before the event. www.chattanoogapulse.com | October 6, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 40 | The Pulse

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ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

The Performance Floor is Wide Open

By Janis Hashe, Pulse Contributing Editor

A

ngela Sweet always wanted to dance and always pictured herself as a dancer, maybe moving to New York or Seattle to pursue a career. But, as she puts it, “That got thrown for a loop when I met John.” John Sweet was moving to Chattanooga to open a bakery (now the Main Street landmark Niedlov’s), and Angela knew that the kind of dance community she was seeking did not currently exist in the city.

Though ballet had been part of her training, she was a contemporary dancer, working a lot with improvisation. “So I had in the back of my mind, ‘What could my dance life look like if I were to live in Chattanooga?’”

She married John, moved here, began working 80 hours starting the business—and then the kids came along.

But in 2010, after eight years, she decided the time had come to launch a performance series in which she would perform—and would also showcase the diverse talent she’d connected with.

“I’d done a little work with [modern dance troupe] Contrapasso,” she explains, “and I’d met [dancer and Barking Legs co-founder] Ann Law.” And she had a prototype in mind, something she had encountered in college.

“Wide Open Floor” allows 15 performers a short, pre-determined time slot to experiment with dance, poetry, music or storytelling. “I could make that happen here,” Angela says.

The first Wide Open Floor happened at Main x 24 last year, in an empty building. “It was a good opportunity to be involved, and it worked out very well.”

Afterwards, “Ann began hounding me that we had to make it a regular thing. She talked me into it. She said, ‘I need it! I need a reason to keep making work!’”

“Wide Open Floor began to be offered as a monthly event at Barking Legs, and has evolved into a never-thesame-thing-twice performance workout.”

Wide Open Floor began to be offered as a monthly event at Barking Legs, and has evolved into a never-the-samething-twice performance workout. “The visual arts community is booming, and the music scene is really thriving right now,” Angela notes. “The performing artists community needs to be friends and crosspollinate.” And that, she adds, is actually happening, with performers such as Tim Hinck, avant-garde composer and professor of music at UTC’s Cadek Academy performing on the same bill as poets and dancers. “During one show [storyteller] Jim Pfitzer performed experimental improv with [dulcimer player] Butch Ross,” she notes.

Originally, the series featured 15-minute slots, which became 10-minutes and have now become eight minutes. Asked if she had ever given anyone “the hook”, she laughs and admits, “We’ve had to turn the lights out on a few people.” The idea, however, is to keep the evening moving briskly. “These are not finished pieces. They’re drafts that initiate the creative process,” she says.

This month’s show on October 7 will be the last one starting at 9 p.m., as, through popular demand, starting time will be advanced to 8 p.m. beginning in November. Because Barking Legs will host a Pecha Kucha session beginning at 7 p.m. that same night, Wide Open Floor might well attract people who’d like to stay for both events.

“It’s still evolving,” Angela says. “We began very bare bones, no sponsors, house lights and a CD player. Now we’re stepping it up a bit and adding some lights and sound. But people will still come for the surprise and spontaneity of it.” She en-

courages anyone interested in performing to contact her through the event’s Facebook page or web site (listed below).

This month’s Wide Open Floor will feature: Bob Dombrowski Mia Hansford, poetry Pattee Wilbanks & Megan Spooner, song

Marcus Ellsworth, poetry Greg Laudeman, song Ann Law, dance Ray Zimmerman, poetry Tim Hinck and Ashley Hamilton, “Aleatoric Music & The Art Of Chaos” Wes Rehberg, audience participation videography Elizabeth Longphre, dance Laurie Vaughen, poetry Morgan Koch, Poi Davlin Stewart, spoken word J.R.Coe, song Jezebel and Delilah Deelite, burlesque “Wide Open Floor” $5 9 p.m.

Friday, October 7 Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347 www.barkinglegs.org | wideopenfloor.weebly.com

www.chattanoogapulse.com | October 6, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 40 | The Pulse

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ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

THURSDAY

“A Conversation with Beverly Semmes”

Featured artist talks about her groundbreaking work $9.95 (includes museum admission) 6 p.m. reception, 6:30 lecture Hunter Museum, 10 Bluff View (423) 267-0968. www.huntermuseum.org

Thursday

River Rocks Festival 7 a.m. Various locations in and around Chattanooga. www.riverrockschattanooga.com Brighton Rock (part of AEC Independent Film Series) Visit www.carmike.com for times.

Majestic 12, 311 Broad St. (423) 826-2370.

Chattanooga Community Design Forum: LSU envisions Chattanooga public spaces 5:30 p.m. green|spaces, 63. E. Main St. (423) 648-0963. www.greenspaceschattanooga.com 4th Annual Paws for the Cause Fundraiser 6 p.m. The Mill, 1601 Gulf St. (423) 664-1900.

“A Conversation with Beverly Semmes” 6 p.m. Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944. www.huntermuseum.org Mystery of the TV Talk Show 7 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. www.funnydinner.com

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FRIDAY

Chattanooga State Music Faculty Recital 7:30 p.m. Chattanooga State, 4501 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 6973383. www.chattanoogastate.edu Dale Jones 8 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com

Friday

River Rocks Festival 7 a.m. Various locations in and around Chattanooga. www.riverrockschattanooga.com Fall Hodgepodge Arts & Craft Fair 10 a.m. 1111 Ridgeway Ave. Signal Mtn. www.fallhodgepodge.com Fresh on Fridays Marketplace 11 a.m. Miller Plaza, 850 Market St. (423) 265-3700. www.facebook.com/Fresh-on-Fridays The Guard (part of AEC Independent Film Series) Visit www.carmike.com for times.

Majestic 12, 311 Broad St. (423) 826-2370.

Belarus National Christian Choir Noon. Mountain Arts Community Center, 809 Kentucky Ave., Signal Mountain. (423) 886-1959. www.signalmountain.gov Opening of “Eyegasm: Halloween sculpture and painting” 4 p.m. Leo Handmade Gallery, 22 Frazier Ave. (423) 634-7755. leogallery.blogspot.com “The Art of Wood” Exhibition Opening Reception 5 p.m. In-Town Gallery, 26A Frazier Ave. (423)267-9214. www.intowngallery.com “Our Clothesline Art Show” Opening Reception 6 p.m. St. Elmo Fire Hall, 4501 St. Elmo Ave. www.stelmofirehall.com

“Looking Up” Exhibit Opening Reception 6:30 p.m. River Gallery, 400 E. 2nd St. (423) 265-5033. www.river-gallery.com Mystery of Flight 138 7 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. www.funnydinner.com I Can’t Think Straight 7:30 p.m. Ensemble Theatre of Chattanooga, 1918 Union Ave. (423) 987-5141.

Picnic 7:30 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center, Vine & Palmetto Sts. (423) 425-4269.

Friday Night Improv 7:30 p.m. Chattanooga State, 4501 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 697-3247. www.chattanoogastate.edu Frankenstein 7:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.com Dale Jones 7:30, 10 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com Three on the See Saw 8 p.m. Covenant College, 14049 Scenic Hwy, Lookout Mountain, GA. (888) 451-2683.

“Wide Open Floor” 9 p.m. Barking Legs Theatre, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347. www.barkinglegs.org Stand Up Comedy! Bill Bushart 9:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. www.funnydinner.com Female Impersonation Show Midnight. Images Cabaret, 6065 Lee Hwy. (423) 855-8210. www.imagesbar.com

Friday Night Improv

Second-year Chatt State professional acting students yuck it up.

Free 7:30 p.m.

Humanities Theatre, Chattanooga State, 4501 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 697-3247.

Saturday

River Rocks Festival 7 a.m. Various locations in and around Chattanooga. www.riverrockschattanooga.com Chattanooga Head Race 9 a.m. Chattanooga Riverfront, 201 Riverfront Pkwy. www.chattanoogaheadrace.com Prater’s Mill County Fair 9 a.m. 5845 Georgia Highway 2, Dalton. (706) 694-6455. www.pratersmill.org Brainerd Farmers Market 10 a.m. Grace Episcopal Church, 20 Belvoir Ave. (423) 458-6281.

Fall Hodgepodge Arts & Craft Fair 10 a.m. 1111 Ridgeway Ave. Signal Mtn. www.fallhodgepodge.com Bark in the Park 10 a.m. Heritage Park, 1428 Jenkins Rd. www.chattbarkinthepark.org.

The F Play 10:30 a.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.com The Guard (part of AEC Independent Film Series) Visit www.carmike.com for times.

Majestic 12, 311 Broad St. (423) 826-2370.

ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

SATURDAY

The Guard

Small-town Irish cop (Brendon Gleeson) meets hard-ass FBI agent (Don Cheadle).

Part of AEC Independent Film Series.

Check website for showtimes.

Majestic 12, 311 Broad St. (423) 265-5220. www.carmike.com “Our Clothesline Art Show” Opening Reception 11 a.m. St. Elmo Fire Hall, 4501 St. Elmo Ave. www.stelmofirehall.com Natural Health + Wellness Expo 11 a.m. Warehouse Row Event Hall, 1110 Market St. Art till Dark Noon. 40 Frazier Ave. (423) 413-8999. www.arttildark.com I Can’t Think Straight 2 p.m. Ensemble Theatre of Chattanooga, 1918 Union Ave. (423) 987-5141.

Three on the See Saw 2:30 p.m. Covenant College, 14049 Scenic Hwy, Lookout Mountain, GA. (888) 451-2683.

Frankenstein 2:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.com “Camp Out to Stamp Out” Family Homelessness 5 p.m. First Tennesee Pavilion, 1826 Reggie White Blvd. (423) 266-4041 NAACP Ruby Hurley Image Awards 7 p.m. Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad St. (423) 757-5050.

SUNDAY

Picnic 7:30 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center, Vine & Palmetto Sts. (423) 425-4269.

Duck Hunter Shoots Angel 7:30 p.m. Tennessee Valley Theatre, 184 W. Jackson Ave., Spring City.

(423) 365-7529.

Dale Jones 7:30, 10 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com Mystery at the Redneck-Italian Wedding 8 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. www.funnydinner.com Stand Up Comedy! Bill Bushart 10:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839.

Female Impersonation Show Midnight. Images Cabaret, 6065 Lee Hwy. (423) 855-8210. www.imagesbar.com

Sunday

River Rocks Festival 8:30 a.m. Various locations in and around Chattanooga. www.riverrockschattanooga.com Prater’s Mill County Fair 9 a.m. 5845 Georgia Highway 2, Dalton. (706) 694-6455. www.pratersmill.org The Chattanooga Market 11 a.m. First Tennesee Pavilion, 1826 Reggie White Blvd.

The Guard (part of AEC Independent Film Series) Visit www.carmike.com for times.

Majestic 12, 311 Broad St. (423) 826-2370.

Paws in the Park 1 p.m. Baylor School, 171 Baylor School Rd. (423) 624-5302. www.heschatt.com

Frankenstein 2:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.com Wayne White Event 6 p.m. Winder Binder, 90 Frazier Ave., (423) 413-8990. www.winderbinder.com C.A.F.E. Grant (Community Arts Funding Event) 6 p.m. PLAnET aLTEred, 48 East Main St. (423) 400-4100. www.planetaltered.com.

I Can’t Think Straight 6:30 p.m. Ensemble Theatre of Chattanooga, 1918 Union Ave. (423) 987-5141.

Dale Jones 8 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com Movie Night 8 p.m. Sluggo’s North Vegetarian Cafe, 501 Cherokee Blvd.

(423) 752-5224.

Monday

The Guard (part of AEC Independent Film Series) Visit www.carmike.com for times.

Majestic 12, 311 Broad St. (423) 826-2370.

Southern Circuit Film Series: The Wise Kids 6:30 p.m. Loose Cannon Gallery, 1800-A Rossville Ave. www.chattanoogafilmsociety.org

Tuesday

The Guard (part of AEC Independent Film Series) Visit www.carmike.com for times.

Majestic 12, 311 Broad St. (423) 826-2370.

I Can’t Think Straight Humorous takes on “coming out” stories by local playwrights. $10 6:30 p.m.

Ensemble Theatre of Chattanooga, St. Andrews Center, 1918 Union Ave. (423) 987-5141.

The Choo Choo Kids Fall Show 6 p.m. Center for Creative Arts, 1301 Dallas Rd. (423) 209-5937. www.centerforcreativearts.net Songwriter’s Line-up 7 p.m. The CampHouse, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081. www. thecamphouse.com Tyler Perry’s The Haves and the Have Nots 7:30 p.m. Memorial Auditorium, 399 McCallie Ave. (423) 757-5156. www.chattanooga.gov

Wednesday

CGLA Open House 9 a.m. Chattanooga Girls Leadership Academy, 1802 Bailey Ave. (423) 468-4105.

The Guard (part of AEC Independent Film Series) Visit www.carmike.com for times.

Majestic 12, 311 Broad St. (423) 826-2370.

Main Street Farmers Market 4 p.m. Main St. at Williams St. www.mainstfarmersmarket.com “Fresh” AVA Gallery, 30 Frazier Ave. (423) 265-1282. www.avarts.org www.chattanoogapulse.com | October 6, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 40 | The Pulse

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OPINION

| Shrink Rap

Learning the Mind/Body Dance This beautiful mind/body that we inhabit gives us messages all the time. The question is, do we pay attention when it’s just offering a light tap on the shoulder—maybe a sore throat or a tension headache— or do we need a metaphorical hammer up the side of the head—like a heart attack, stroke or other serious illness or condition—to Dave and Stephanie, make us pause and do a bit of detective I appreciate your kind words about “Shrink work to figure out what’s really been going Rap”, and because there have been quite a on. Because by the time you get a physical few folks emailing me and asking for more, “hint,” there have already been deeper in the coming months I will attempt to offer problems brewing for some time. the column more often. I needed to pull In my experience, “alternative” and back for a couple of reasons, which I know “holistic” treatments are very well suited you’ll understand: for personal balance to addressing a person’s entire wellness (something that you’ve read about often picture, seeing the in this column), and mind-body tango. professional balance (I’ve “In my experience, whole And here in the West, started work on a new book). we are catching on to ‘alternative’ Additionally (and this the benefits of that. and ‘holistic’ will segue into answering While many doctors treatments are your question) I’ve remain skeptical, a had some health issues Harvard study very well suited recent that have required my found that physicians to addressing a attention this summer. had pointed more than I’m happy to report six million Americans person’s entire that I’m fine and doing toward a mind-body wellness picture, remedy last year. And better all the time, but I will share with you a seeing the whole the American Hospital common-sense lesson: reports mind-body tango. Association Where there is physical that more than a third discomfort, there cannot be separation from of the nation’s hospitals offer “integrative” emotional, psychological or spiritual issues. medicine, integrating traditional medicine Another way to understand this is that stress with alternative practices. opens the door to physiological problems.

Let’s look more closely at some of these Like a child throwing a tantrum (the louder practices. In China acupuncture, herbs, and he shouts the more he gets your attention), a powerful energy-healing system called illness is your body’s way of getting your Qigong, are considered medicine, and attention, and informing you that there have been for thousands of years. (I have is some sort of unbalance in your life— been studying Qigong myself, practicing unaddressed anxieties or depression, worry, the exercises and meditations daily, and it fear, anger, resentment, grief, heartache. has been a big part of my own wellbeing.)

Something is out of balance in your life.

Acupuncture is being prescribed to treat Dear Dr. Rick, We miss seeing Shrink Rap every week, as it has been inspirational for us, and a big help in our relationship. In your last column, the practical “how-to’s” were very helpful.

We are just starting to dip our toes into the “alternative” wellness pool, and wondered if you could provide some “hot-to’s” to help us navigate these types of services as well.

(Something beyond dark chocolate and red wine, which we already happily use!) We understand that Chattanooga offers a variety of nontraditional forms of healing, but we’re not sure where to begin. Any help will be greatly appreciated.

Sincerely, Dave and Stephanie, North Chattanooga

pain; hypnotherapy is used for pain control, post-surgical healing, and a wide variety of psychological issues such as phobias and addictive behaviors.

Yoga is more commonly prescribed now for depression and anxiety; and meditation (the deep breathing alone has powerful benefits) and herbal supplements are often a part of a cancer patient’s protocol. Such changes here in the West represent a huge shift in how we view healing and wellness. Perhaps pills or surgeries aren’t our only choices.

And perhaps a nontraditional approach can complement a traditional one, resulting in a healthier, more effective treatment that utilizes the best of both worlds.

I’ll share this with you: I have meditated daily for years, dabbled in yoga, acupuncture and holistic medicines, and regularly see my chiropractor. But I’ve been prioritizing a stricter regimen lately by making yoga a regular practice, adding the study of Qigong, and taking my daily meditations to a deeper level. And this shift has correlated precisely with my improved health and overall wellness picture. Coincidence?

Nah…I don’t believe that for a moment.

I do believe that finding what works best for you, and what you believe in most strongly, will be the treatment—for mind, body and spirit–that yields your healthiest results. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I do believe I’ll have another piece of dark chocolate.

A good place to start your holistic health journey locally is through www.CHEO.org Until next time: “You can only be the best example of what you believe. Be happy, and focus on the beauty of life.” — Spring Forest Qigong founder Chunyi Lin

Dr. Rick

Dr. Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist, minister, and educator, in private practice in Chattanooga, and the author of “Empowering the Tribe” and “The Power of a Partner.” Visit his web site at www.DrRPH.com www.chattanoogapulse.com | October 6, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 40 | The Pulse

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SCREEN

Swept Up in the Chase

By John DeVore, Pulse Film Critic

T

his past April, Chattanooga experienced something uncommon for this area, something that is all too common in the Midwest.

I sat on my porch in East Ridge watching impossibly dark clouds roll over the horizon, wondering where I could possibly take my family to keep them safe. The trees in the backyard were already leaning, eager to fall through the living room at any moment. We were lucky, however. The storms surrounded us, but the damage made a clean circle around our street. Ringgold and Tuscaloosa weren’t as lucky. If storms like these are to be survived, people need to be warned as soon as possible, giving them a chance to get to safety.

VORTEX2 is a project funded by the National Science Foundation that has been collecting data from storms for the past eight years. Ending in 2010, the project had more than 100 researchers and 40 vehicles, all tasked with getting as close to a tornado as possible in order to measure the conditions needed to produce one of nature’s most devastating forces. The research team is featured prominently in the Tennessee Aquarium’s new IMAX film, Tornado Alley 3D. Filmmaker Sean Casey, from the Discovery Channel’s show Storm Chasers, has produced a 43-minute documentary showcasing these researchers and the storms they want so strongly to understand. At the center of the film are Casey and his postapocalyptic armored car, the Tornado Intercept Vehicle. Casey and his team are hoping to drive the TIV directly into the center of a tornado and document an event no one has ever been able to.

I met with two of the VORTEX2 team the night before Tornado Alley premiered at the Tennessee Aquarium IMAX. Dr. Karen Kosiba, one of the researchers in the film, doesn’t seem much like a storm chaser. Her slight build and quiet confidence make her appear more at home indoors, analyzing data and studying spreadsheets, than tearing around the Great Plains in giant mobile radar trucks underneath dangerous supercells hoping for perfect tornado conditions. I asked the good doctor what the ultimate goal is for the project.

“The goals are somewhat multifaceted, I guess. Primarily, we are interested in forecasting tornados accurately,” Dr. Kosiba says.

“But we’re also interested in tornado genesis, how they form, and why some storms produce tornadoes and others don’t.”

The answer has something to do with hook curvature in a supercell, requiring specific conditions involving circulating warm and cool air. I can’t say that I understand much of what Dr. Kosiba described. My knowledge of extreme weather extends to staying out of it whenever I can. Dr. Kosiba’s compatriot, Andrew Arnold, doesn’t share my concerns. One of his jobs as a tech for the team is to place the pods, 140-lb. measurement tools equipped with cameras, into the path of likely tornadoes. Because tornadoes are so unpredictable, he has to place 16 different pods at 100-meter intervals within three minutes. Even at this speed, the team hasn’t yet been able to get a direct hit on a pod. Tornadoes are fickle mistresses.

The film highlights both the excitement found in chasing storms across Texas and Wyoming and the boredom of a sunny, spring day. Casey has stated that one of his filmmaking goals was to make the storms central characters, letting them take a life of their own. He succeeds in extraordinary fashion. There are otherworldly moments in this film, moments that can only be experienced in an IMAX setting. My heart pounded as Casey and his team rushed alongside a funnel cloud that looked to be a mile across, edging closer and closer. The tornado then changed direction, chasing the chasers. Any precautions Casey might have taken, any modifications the TIV might have, seem flimsy when faced with an erratic mountain of wind, dust, and debris. Casey walks a thin line between bravery and foolishness and tends to stray dangerously close the latter. Here be dragons, and Casey might as well be dressed in tinfoil compared to the awesome power of nature’s fury.

“Here be dragons, and Casey might as well be dressed in tinfoil compared to the awesome power of nature’s fury. “

Tornado Alley isn’t without its flaws, although the flaws are intentional choices by the filmmakers. By making the storms the central characters, Casey misses the opportunity to humanize the experience. There are no interviews, just voiceover and narration. Bill Paxton narrates as only he can, but the narration seemed an afterthought, while the voiceover was canned and awkward. Good documentaries reveal the subject matter through the people affected by it.

Having met Dr. Kosiba, I know there is more to her than radar and science. I wanted to know more about who these people were and where they came from and what drives them to do what they do.

This film suffers the most from 3D effects being added in postproduction. I found myself constantly removing my glasses because the image was so dim I wasn’t sure what I was seeing. Given the spectacular shots and dramatic storm footage captured by Casey, it is a travesty that he would allow his work to be shown in any format for which it wasn’t intended. These images should be crisp, clear, and bright. The Aquarium does its best, as they are masters of the technology, but 3D is inferior to 2D in every way. It is a fad that cannot go away quickly enough. However, the sound in an IMAX film is peerless. When you hear a tornado for the first time, it is a sound you never forget. Tornado Alley allows you to experience it from the safety of a darkened theater.

Overall, Tornado Alley delivers a gripping IMAX experience, despite its flaws. Moreover, the Aquarium hosted a well-attended show that gave the Red Cross another opportunity to raise money and awareness. That’s worth the ticket price right there.

Tornado Alley 3D Not rated.

Running time: 43 minutes Playing at the Tennessee Aquarium IMAX

www.chattanoogapulse.com | October 6, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 40 | The Pulse

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SCREEN

Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots Come To Cinematic Life Real Steel Set in the near future, where robot boxing is a top sport, a struggling promoter feels he’s found a champion in a discarded robot. During his hopeful rise to the top, he discovers he has an 11-year-old son who wants to know his father. If you’ve ever played Rock’Em Sock’Em Robots as a kid, you’ll understand the genesis of this movie. And that’s not exactly a bad thing, as one look at the current state of boxing shows how the once-popular sport has been almost completely eclipsed by mixed martial arts. If boxing is to recover and move forward, replacing human boxes with robots is not that farfetched. Add in the easy-on-the-eyes Hugh Jackman and Evangeline Lilly, nice solid CGI and a youth-withstars-in-his-eyes and it appears that the only losers here are the old fight fans.

Starring Hugh Jackman, Evangeline Lilly Directed by Shawn Levy The Ides of March An idealistic staffer for a newbie presidential candidate gets a crash course in dirty politics

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during his stint on the campaign trail. George Clooney gets back behind the camera to direct one of the best casts of the year in a hard-boiled political drama based on the play

by Beau Willimon, what’s not to like about this? Any movie that combines the talents of Paul Giamatti and Philip Seymour Hoffman is pretty much an automatic “must-see”.

Starring Paul Giamatti, George Clooney, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Ryan Gosling Directed by George Clooney Dirty Girl It’s 1987 and Danielle, the high school “Dirty Girl”, is running away. With her is chubby, gay Clarke, a bag of flour called Joan and a Walkman full of glorious ’80s tunes. This film, which has been sitting on the shelf for nearly a year, has received a remarkable number of mixed reviews. Some seem to see it as a prequel to Glee with much coarser language, with others see it as a waste of some prodigious talents, especially another very dark and textured performance from Dwight Yoakum as a homophobic father. What we

can tell you is that our experience has shown than when there is this much disagreement over an indie film, it means it is a movie you don’t want to miss, if just to see what all the shouting is about.

Starring Juno Temple, Jeremy Dozier, Milla Jovovich Directed by Abe Sylvia Blackthorn In Bolivia, Butch Cassidy (now calling himself James Blackthorne) pines for one last sight of home, an adventure that aligns him with a young robber and makes the duo a target for gangs and lawmen alike. This expansion of the Butch Cassidy mythology starring the grizzled genius Sam Shepard has had the exact opposite response as Dirty Girl, as in seemingly no one has been moved to write much of anything about it in advance. Which is a bit perplexing, considering director Mateo Gil’s previous film was the international smash Agora.

Starring Sam Shepard Directed by Mateo Gil

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2.0 CHATTANOOGA’S ULTIMATE HALLOWEEN GUIDE SHOCKTOBER 6 • 2011

Local haunts

New book catalogs city’s creepy hot spots UPDATED WEEKLY

HAUNTED HOUSES BAR & CLUB PARTIES

30 30 30

CHATTANOOGA’S ULTIMATE HALLOWEEN GUIDEGUIDE OCTOBER 6, 2011 2011 6, www.ChaTTanOOgapulsE.COm CHATTANOOGA'S ULTIMATE HALLOWEEN | OCTOBER | WWW.CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM CHATTANOOGA’S ULTIMATE HALLOWEEN GUIDE || OCTOBER 6, || 2011 www.ChaTTanOOgapulsE.COm

creAture feAture 2.0 CHATTANOOGA’S ULTIMATE HALLOWEEN GUIDE SHOCKTOBER 6 • 2011

Local haunts

Attorney-turned-ghost buster Amy Petulla pens Haunted Chattanooga Local haunts

New book catalogs city’s creepy hot spots UPDATED WEEKLY

HAUNTED HOUSES BAR & CLUB PARTIES

ON THe COveR

“Frank” by Kevin Bate, from the collection of Alfonso Gómez-Arzola

C

hattanooga has always been a creepy town. It’s haunted by a rogue’s gallery of cretins, misfits, carpetbaggers, poachers and peddlers of all stripes—and that’s just our political history.

The city is also a playground for ghost hunters, where lore has it a veritable cornucopia of undead souls have spooked locals for decades. The region owes much of its haunted past to the Civil War, of course, which accounts for no small amount of soldiers stalking the streets and backroads of Southeastern Tennessee. The city’s most notable landmarks — the Read House, the Hunter, the Choo Choo and the region’s mountains and battlefields are in no short supply of spirits either.

So it’s no surprise that a book such as Haunted Chattanooga surfaced to catalog the dark specter of Chattanooga’s past, in the spiritual sense, of course. When it comes to ghosts, our town is truly host to an embarrassment of otherworldly riches.

Co-authors Jessica Penot, author of Haunted North Alabama and a clinical psychologist in the apropos field of behavioral health therapy, and Amy Petulla (pictured), a former Chattanooga attorney-turned-ghost buster who now operates Chattanooga Ghost Tours, survey the Scenic City’s most historically haunted places in the

new book just out from History Press’ Haunted America series.

Penot and Petulla track paranormal activity all over the city, from Chattanooga High to the Choo Choo and Chickamauga to Hales Bar and the Hunter Museum and the Hamilton County Jail before branching out to South Pittsburgh.

Chattanooga’s haunted history is documented at every turn in the book, whether it’s the legendary ghost of the Delta Queen, the porter who forever roams the grounds of the historic Terminal Station or the restless souls who stalk the city’s elaborate underground tunnel system.

Many of the tales will doubtless be familiar to longtime Chattanoogans, but a few new myths keep the narrative fresh and we’re certain the volume will be updated once local ghost fans get their hands on it. — Bill Ramsey

Haunted Chattanooga

by Jessica Penot and Amy Petulla History Press September 2011 Paperback 112 pages $19.99 historypress.net

HappyHalloween!

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CHATTANOOGA'S ULTIMATE HALLOWEEN 31 31 6, 2011 CHATTANOOGA’S ULTIMATE HALLOwEEN GUIdE CHATTANOOGA’S ULTIMATE HALLOWEEN GUIDEGUIDE | OCTOBER

This Halloween, we will

Shock you.

HAUNTED HOUSES & EVENTS Acres of DArkness HAunteD trAil† ‡

Chattanooga Audubon Acres 900 N. Sanctuary Road Features: Bonfire, ghost stories, face-painting, glow-in-the-dark maze, food and drinks.

Hours/Dates: 7-11 p.m. Fridays and Saturdays in October.

Tickets: $15 Web: chattanoogaaudubon.org

Blowing screAms fArm

271 Chattanooga Valley Road Flintstone, Ga. Features: Ghost Ride and the Forest of Fear, outdoor haunted house.

Hours/Dates: 7 p.m. every Friday and Saturday night in October.

Tickets: $15 (Forest of Fear); $15 (Ghost Ride); $25 for both.

Web: blowingscreamsfarm.com

DreAmnigHt: Boo in tHe Zoo! ‡

301 North Holtzclaw Avenue Features: VIP Halloween Zoo visit for families and caretakers of special-needs children whose unique circumstances might generally limit or prohibit relaxing outings during normal zoo hours.

Hours/Dates: 5:30-8:30 p.m.

Thursday, Oct. 27 Tickets: Free with reservations Web: chattzoo.org

encHAnteD mAiZe ‡

271 Chattanooga Valley Road Flintstone, Ga. Features: “Another Y-Ear of Corny Fun.” Hours/Dates: Thursdays-Sundays through Oct. 30.

Tickets: $9 adults, $7 children Web: enchantedmaze.com

HAlloween eerie express ‡

Pulse Panic!

Halloween Guide Oct 13 • 20

Halloween Issue Oct 27

Call 423.265.9494 to advertise 32 32 30

Tennessee Valley Railroad Museum 4119 Cromwell Road Features: Train ride, storytelling, indoor blacklight mini-golf, temporary tattoos, cider and a walk through the Fun House.

Hours/Dates: Fridays and Saturdays Oct. 14-20; trains depart at 5:45 and 7:45 p.m.

Tickets: $22 ages 2 and up Web: tvrail.com

tHe HAunteD BArn 5107 McDonald Road McDonald

pAnic AttAck! Slasher flicks, haunted ball

pAnic! listings

The Pulse’s Panic Halloween Guide will appear each week through Halloween (Oct. 13 and 20). Listings are updated weekly. If you operate a haunted house or event and would be like to be listed, or your listed event changes, submit information as formatted here and email to creative@ chattanoogapulse.com.

Key: † New ‡ Family friendly

Sundays in October

• Sluggo’s North Vegetarian Cafe, located 501 Cherokee Blvd., is hosting “Sunday Slashers,” a lineup of of cult, offbeat and blast-from-the-past horror and slasher movies from 7 p.m. to midnight every Sunday in October. The restaurant is serving homemade vegan pizza, popcorn and $1 Pabst beer all evening. Call (423) 752-5224 for more information or visit facebook.com/Sunday Slashers. This Sunday (Oct. 9), the series screens Terror at the Opera and House by the Cemetary.

Features: Bonfire, graveyard and concessions.

Hours/Dates: 7:30 p.m. to midnight, Fridays and Saturdays in October.

Tickets: $15 Web: hauntedbarnchattanooga. com

Saturday, Oct. 29

• “A Tale of 4 Souls: A Haunted Spirit Ball,” a fundraiser benefiting Chattanooga’s Kids on the Block, is billed as an elegant “grim and proper” costume ball to be held aboard the Delta Queen on the Tennessee River from 7 p.m. to midnight on Saturday, Oct. 29. Spend the night aboard the Queen at a discounted rate of $109, which includes brunch the next day. Complimentary beer, wine and evening buffet. Dancing with the spirits, champagne and fortune-telling will be the order of the night, as well as a special ghost tour at midnight aboard the ship. Tickets are $65 per person or $125 per couple; tables are $500 or $1,000 and inlcude a host of benefits. For more information, call at (423) 7575259 or email kellyl@kidsontheblock.net.

HAunteD cAvern ruBy fAlls

1720 South Scenic Highway Features: Adult event with blood, violence and gore. Not recommended for children ages 10 and under.

Hours/Dates: 8 p.m. Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays in October, (including Oct. 31).

Tickets: $20 online; $22 at the door; $17 Sundays Web: hauntedcavern.com

HAunteD Depot & HAyriDe

155 Depot Street Ringgold Hours/Dates: 7 p.m. Oct. 21-22 and 27-29 Tickets: $5 (Depot); $3 (Hayride) Web: ringgoldhaunteddepot.com

HAunteD Hilltop

8235 Highway 58 Harrison Features: Cornfield, bonfires, concession stand, music, souvenirs, graveyards and more.

Hours/Dates: 7 p.m. to 1 a.m.

Fridays and Saturdays in October, (including Oct. 30 and 31).

Tickets: $18 for the Haunted House, Haunted Maze and Haunted Hayride. Free parking.

Web: thehauntedhilltop.com

House of Horrors 140 Edwards Street. NE Cleveland Hours/Dates: 7 p.m. to mid-

night, Sept. 30, Fridays and Saturdays in October and Oct. 31.

Tickets: $10 Web: wewillscareyou.com

lAke winnepAspookAH

1730 Lakeview Drive Rossville Features: Gate admission includes unlimited rides and all special Halloween attractions.

Hours/Dates: 6-11 p.m. Fridays and Saturdays in October.

Tickets: $24 Web: lakewinnie.com

monster BArn

4431 Shackleford Ridge Road Signal Mountain Hours/Dates: 8-10:30 p.m. Fridays and Saturdays in October.

Tickets: $10; $5 Haunted Hayride Web: monsterbarnfun.com

mystery Dog rAncH 975 Wooten Road Ringgold Hours/Dates: 7 p.m. Oct. 14-15, 21-22 and 28-29

CHATTANOOGA’S ULTIMATE HALLOWEEN GUIDEGUIDE OCTOBER 6, 2011 2011 6, www.ChaTTanOOgapulsE.COm CHATTANOOGA'S ULTIMATE HALLOWEEN | OCTOBER | WWW.CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM CHATTANOOGA’S ULTIMATE HALLOWEEN GUIDE || OCTOBER 6, || 2011 www.ChaTTanOOgapulsE.COm

Tickets: $10 Web: mysterydoghauntedranchandhayride.net

return of Here come tHe mummies

The Public Library (Downtown) 1001 Broad Street Features: Halloween-themed blowout for grown-ups 21 and older. Entertainment, food and adult beverages.

Hours/Dates: 7-11 p.m. Oct. 14 Tickets: $75 (general admission); $110 (VIP) Web: clublibevent.com

sir gooney’s HAunteD cArnivAl

5918 East Brainerd Road Features: Castle Nightmare, a two-story super haunt.

Hours/Dates: Doors open at 7 p.m. every weekend in October through Halloween.

Tickets: $20 Web: sirgooneys.com

BARS & CLUBS

Dead Confederate at The Honest Pint on Oct. 29.

paniC! ListinGs

The Pulse’s Panic Halloween Guide will appear each week through Halloween.

Listings are updated weekly. If you operate a bar or club and are hosting a Halloweenspecific event, or your listed event changes, submit information as formatted here and email to creative@ chattanoogapulse. com.

the honest pint

35 Patten Parkway (423) 468-4192 thehonestpint.com • Saturday, Oct. 29 12th Annual All Hallows Eve Bash featuring Dead Confederate with The Bohannons. Tickets on sale Sept. 30.

• Monday, Oct. 31

honest music

Halloween Variety Show featuring the Shock Theater Orchestra, Odist, Opposite Box, Subterranean Cirqus. Magic from Scott Fillers and horror movies.

JJ’s Bohemia

231 E. MLK Boulevard (423) 266-1400 reverbnation.com/ venue/jjsbohemia • Friday, Oct. 28 The KISSFITS and Rocky Horror Picture Show • Monday, Oct. 31 The Unsatisfied

tRaCK 29

Chattanooga Choo Choo Campus 1400 Market Street (423) 521-2929 track29.co The Nim Nims, Glowing Bordis and Tone Harm all playing separate sets and converging together on stage for a full-album cover of the Beastie Boy’s Ill Communication. Tickets

on sale Friday, Sept. 23 for $10 . 21+ show.

-• Saturday, Oct. 29 9-9:45 p.m. The Nim Nims; 10-10:45 p.m. Glowing Bordis; 11-11:10 p.m.

Costume Contest 11:15 p.m.-Midnight Ill Communicators 12:15 a.m.-1 a.m. Tone Harm

Update your status.

The Hollywood Kills with Overzealous ($3 cover)

Thu, Oct 6

9 pm

John Lathim and Company

Sun, Oct 9

7 pm

IckyBod CrankiN with Innocent Flannel ($3 cover)

Wed, Oct 12

9 pm

Sat, Oct 29 Dead Confederate and The Bohannons Tickets on sale now!

Chattanooga

Follow.

local and regional shows

12th Annual All Hallows Eve Bash

tennessee usa country courageous electric hillbilly tragic

First Halloween Variety Show

What 35 Patten Parkway was meant to be.

Full food menu serving lunch and dinner.

11am-2am, 7 days a week.

Mon, Oct 31 Shock Theatre Orchestra, Odist, Opposite Box, Subterranean Cirqus Magic from Scott Fillers & Horror Movies!

33 6, 2011 www.chattanoogapulse.com | octoBeR | CHATTANOOGA’S CHATTANOOGA’S ULTIMATE HALLOwEEN GUIdE WWW.CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM | OCTOBER 6, 2011 | CHATTANOOGA'S ULTIMATE HALLOWEEN 33 306, 2011 ULTIMATE HALLOWEEN GUIDEGUIDE | OCTOBER

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CHATTANOOGA'S ULTIMATE HALLOWEEN | OCTOBER | WWW.CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM CHATTANOOGA’S ULTIMATE HALLOWEEN GUIDEGUIDE | OCTOBER 6, 2011 6, | 2011 www.ChaTTanOOgapulsE.COm

Dining Out In Chattanooga

Fat Daddy’s Does New York Pizza Proud

By D.E. Langley, Pulse Food Reviewer • Photography by Josh Lang

Clumpie’s ice cream.

Pizza has evolved bigtime since its modern On my visit, I stuck with emergence in Italy more pizza, choosing “The Manthan a century ago. As hattan,” Fat Daddy’s tradeItalians from different remark pie. Copious amounts gions left their homelands, of pepperoni and sausage they brought their ideas were joined by green pepabout what a pizza should pers, onions, and black be with them. From there, olives, the vegetables styles continued to change popping with freshness to please local palates. against the spicy meats.

In the United States, no Feta cheese added a tangy less than 10 local varitouch and creaminess to ants have emerged. Most go along with the stringregions with historically ing mozzarella. The whole large populations of Italpackage was tied together ian immigrants have their nicely with just the right own style. From Connectiamount of flavorful sauce, cut’s “white” New Havenand was just about all you style to Chicago’s deepcould ask for folded within dish with sauce on top, to that amazing crust. the crispy, Provel-topped Even if you’re not bringpizzas of St. Louis, differ“A trip through a brick oven heats each pie to just the ing the family to split an ences can be vast. New Yorkstyle’s thin crust, though, is right temperature for a crust that’s crisp on the edges, 18-incher, Fat Daddy’s can probably the one most widely you up for lunch. From and chewy throughout, with bubbling cheese atop.” hook known and emulated. Handopening until 4 p.m., they tossed, lightly sauced, and have five options for just five cut into foldably large slices, All the toppings you might imagine and dollars, from two slices and a it holds a special place in the heart of its more are available on a huge number of drink, to an antipasto salad with breadsticks proponents. specialty pizzas. Options range from tradi- and a beverage, and a full 10-inch personal Fat Daddy’s has brought that beloved pie tional offerings like “The Big Bambino” (pep- pie. Once you’ve had a taste and start ravto Chattanooga. The walls, adorned with peroni, Italian sausage, ham, beef, green ing to your co-workers, they’ll be glad to disphotos of famous Yankees and New York peppers, onions, black olives, mushrooms, cover that Fat Daddy’s will also handle large City landmarks, let you know as soon as you and tomatoes) to off-the-wall choices like custom orders, so long as they’re called in enter that you won’t be getting any of those the “Chicken Wing Pizza” (chicken and chedwith plenty of advance notice. “other” styles. The manager is even a New dar cheese atop a blue cheese base)—to say There’s really nothing like an authentic Yorker. As a matter of fact, the only way to that there’s a pie to suit any taste would be tell you’ve not been transported the better to understate the case. Fat Daddy’s even of- New York-style pizza. If you’ve never had one, you should definitely stop by Fat Dadpart of a thousand miles is the ample seat- fers a gluten-free crust! ing room, which is mostly nonexistent in its Just because you make a great pizza dy’s and give it a try—and if you have, you’re New York cousins. doesn’t mean you can’t do even more. As probably already on your way, aren’t you?

Like any good pizzeria, Fat Daddy’s starts you might guess from the aforementioned with only the freshest ingredients. The dough pie, chicken wings are an option, and cal- Fat Daddy’s Pizza and Ice Cream, 5084 is made from scratch, as is the sauce. A trip zones and cheese bread are available. Hot South Terrace (close to The Rave). Monday through a brick oven heats each pie to just subs, like Chicken Parmesan and Steak and to Thursday, 11 a.m. to 10 p.m. Friday and the right temperature for a crust that’s crisp Spinach, are presented, as are cold cuts like Saturday, 11 a.m. to 11 p.m. Sunday, 12 on the edges, and chewy throughout, with salami, my personal favorite. You can even p.m. to 9 p.m. For more information, call bubbling cheese atop. finish your meal off with honest-to-goodness (423) 468-6800. www.chattanoogapulse.com | October 6, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 40 | The Pulse

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ENTERTAINMENT

| Free Will Astrology

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): The Jet Propulsion Laboratory landed two robotic vehicles on Mars in 2004. They were expected to explore the planet and send back information for 90 days. But the rover named Spirit kept working for over six years, and its companion, Opportunity, is still operational. The astrological omens suggest that any carefully prepared project you launch in the coming weeks could achieve that kind of staying power, Libra. So take maximum advantage of the vast potential you have available. Don’t scrimp on the love and intelligence you put into your labor of love.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): “I don’t want to play the part of the mythical phoenix again,” my Scorpio friend Kelly has been moaning as she prepares for her latest trial by fire. “I’ve burned myself to the ground and risen reborn out of the ashes two times this year already. Why can’t someone else take a turn for a change?” While I empathized, I thought it was my duty to tell her what I consider to be the truth: More than any other sign of the zodiac, you Scorpios have supreme skills in the art of metaphorical self-immolation and regeneration. You’re better able to endure the ordeal, too. Besides, part of you actually enjoys the heroic drama and the baby-fresh feelings that come over you as you reanimate yourself from the soot and cinders. Ready for another go?

Solution To Last Week's Crossword

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): When she was seven years old, my daughter Zoe created a cartoon panel with colored pens. It showed an orange-haired girl bending down to tend to three orange flowers. High overhead was an orange five-pointed star. The girl was saying, “I think it would be fun being a star,” while the star mused, “I think it would be great to be a girl.” I urge you to create your own version of this cartoon, Sagittarius. Put a picture of yourself where the girl was in Zoe’s rendering. Getting your imagination to work in this way will put you in the right frame of mind to notice and take advantage of the opportunities that life will bring you. Here’s your mantra, an ancient formula the mystics espouse: “As above, so below.”

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Years ago, I discovered I was eligible to join MENSA, an organization for people with high IQs. Since I’d never gotten any awards, plaques, or badges, I thought I’d indulge in this little sin of pride. Not too long after I signed up, however, I felt like an idiot for doing it. Whenever I told someone I belonged to MENSA, I felt sheepish about seeming to imply that I was extra smart.

Eventually I resigned from the so-called genius club. But then I descended into deeper egomania—I started bragging about how I had quit MENSA because I didn’t want to come off like an egotist. How egotistical was that? Please avoid this type of unseemly behavior in the coming week, Capricorn. Be authentically humble, not fake like me. It’ll be important for your success.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Right now you have license to make pretty much everything bigger and funnier and wickeder. Good fortune is likely to flow your way as you seek out experiences that are extra interesting and colorful and thought-provoking. This is no time for you to be shy about asking for what you want or timid about stirring up adventure. Be louder and prouder than usual. Be bolder and brighter, nosier and cozier, weirder and more whimsical. The world needs your very best idiosyncrasies and eccentricities!

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): There is a slight chance the following scenario will soon come to pass: A psychic will reveal that you have a mutant liver that can actually thrive on alcohol, and you will then get drunk on absinthe every day for two weeks, and by the end of this grace period, you will have been freed of 55 percent of the lingering guilt you’ve carried around for years, plus you will care 40 percent less about what people think of you. Extra bonus: You’ll feel like a wise rookie who’s ready to learn all about intimacy as if you were just diving into it for the first time. But get this,

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The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 40 | October 6, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

Pisces: There’s an even greater chance that these same developments will unfold very naturally —without the psychic, without the prediction about a mutant liver, and without the nonstop drunkenness.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): “Do unto others as they wish,” advised French artist Marcel Duchamp, “but with imagination.” I recommend that approach to you, Aries. You’re in a phase of your astrological cycle when you can create good fortune for yourself by tuning into the needs and cravings of others, and then satisfying those needs and cravings in your own inimitable and unpredictable ways. Don’t just give the people you care about the mirror image of what they ask for; give them a funhouse mirror image that reflects your playful tinkering.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Winner of the American Book Award in 1963, William Stafford wrote thousands of poems. The raw materials for his often-beautiful creations were the fragments and debris of his daily rhythm. “I have woven a parachute out of everything broken,” he said in describing his life’s work. You are now in a phase when you could achieve a comparable feat, Taurus. You have the power to turn dross into sweetness, refuse into treasure, loss into gain.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Is there something you’ve always wanted to create but have not gotten around to creating? Now would be an excellent time to finally get that project off the ground. Is there any role you have fantasized about taking on but have never actually sought out? Now would be a perfect moment to initiate an attempt. Is there any big mysterious deal you’ve thought about connecting with but never have? Any profound question you’ve longed to pose but didn’t? Any heart-expanding message you’ve wanted to deliver but couldn’t bring yourself to? You know what to do.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): The experiences you’re flirting with seem to be revivals of long-forgotten themes.

You’re trying to recover and reinvigorate stuff that was abandoned or neglected way back when. You’re dipping into the past to salvage defunct resources, hoping to find new applications for them. To illustrate the spirit of what you’re doing, I’ve resurrected some obsolete words I found in an 18th-centry dictionary. Try sprinkling them into your conversations; make them come alive again. “Euneirophrenia” means “peace of mind after a sweet dream.” The definition of “neanimorphic” is “looking younger than one’s true age.” “Gloze” is when you speak soothing or flattering words in order to persuade. “Illapse” means the gradual or gentle entrance of one thing into another.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): An old Egyptian saying declares that “the difference between a truth and a lie weighs no more than a feather.” I suspect that your upcoming experiences will vividly demonstrate the accuracy of that statement. There will be a very fine line between delusional nonsense and helpful wisdom…between colorful but misleading BS and articulate, provocative analysis…between interesting but irrelevant fantasies and cogent, evidencebased prognostications. Which side will you be on, Leo? To increase your chances of getting it right, be a stickler for telling yourself the heart-strong truth.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): What’s the most practical method of acquiring wealth? One out of every five Americans believes that it’s by playing the lottery. While it is true, Virgo, that you now have a slightly elevated chance of guessing the winning numbers in games of chance—the odds are only 90 million to one instead of 100 million to one—I don’t recommend that you spend any time seeking greater financial security in this particular way. A much better use of your current cosmic advantage would be to revitalize and reorganize your approach to making, spending, saving, and investing money.

ENTERTAINMENT

| Jonesin' Crossword — "Finally Calling It Quits" Across 1 “You are not!” retort 6 Antlered beast 9 First word of two Springsteen albums 13 Skeezy type 14 “___ So High” (Blur song) 16 “Peek-___!”

17 Dorothy’s aunt’s precipitation is surprisingly mild?

19 “Te ___” (hymn title) 20 Miss Scarlet’s game 21 Record player parts 23 “The Fifth Beatle” Sutcliffe 25 The guy who always dyes eggs in springtime?

27 Cigarette ingredient 28 Palme ___ (Cannes Film Festival prize) 29 Tool that breaks ground 30 Humble dwelling 32 It’s a little dirtier than “bum” 35 Hail ___ 39 Fictional spy who’s

really a giant department store founder?

42 Cubs all-time home run leader 43 Attachable brick brand 44 Spot in the water 45 Emerald, for one 47 Hot Topic founder ___ Madden 49 Some fish bait 50 Command for this flan-like dessert to jump in my mouth already?

55 “...___ and buts were candy and nuts...”

56 Shout after an unhappy return 57 Perched upon 59 “Squawk Box” network 60 Announcement/event of September 2011, or what happened to the theme answers 64 End in ___ 65 Swiss painter Paul 66 Flightless birds 67 Rick of the radio 68 Pig’s digs 69 Late jazz musician

who insisted he was from Saturn Down 1 Word in many beer names 2 Give guns to 3 Full of a liquid metal 4 Insignia 5 Turn-of-the-century place to get high 6 Key near F1 7 ___ Apso 8 Seaweed varieties 9 Nightmares 10 “Divided by” symbols (BE OIL anagram) 11 French city where Joan of Arc died 12 Claim on some Chinese menus 15 Alan ___ (pseudonym used by film directors) 18 Roman emperor who fiddled around 22 Role reprised by Keanu in 2003 23 Wild guesses 24 Deed not to be done 26 Rub out

31 Competes on the street 33 Bad toupee 34 Thread holder 36 Baseball Jr. nicknamed “Iron Man” 37 “___ Cakes” 38 8-bit units 40 Herbal remedy from trees 41 Rosie, et al.

46 Brain waves monitor: abbr.

48 Tail end 50 Seed plant (DC CAY anagram) 51 ___ Carlo 52 “Memories of You” pianist Blake 53 Cambodian currency 54 Like some needs 58 Where North Shore surfers go 61 Richard of 1990s talk show fame 62 Egypt and Syr., from 1958-1961 63 “Don’t do drugs” ad, for short

Jonesin' Crossword created By Matt Jones. © 2011 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+ to call. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle #0540

www.chattanoogapulse.com | October 6, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 40 | The Pulse

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OPINION

| Life In The ‘Noog

A Dad’s View of Bittersweet Sixteen M

thinks it’s sweet that y daughter turned 16 last week, father and daughter and now that the heart murmurs and are riding go-carts, ulcerous abdominal pains have somewhat blowing up stuff with subsided, I am prepared to discuss what fireworks or shoving this actually means to baby daddy. cheeseburgers and Nothing will ever prepare you for (root)beers down having a child. No insightful advice, wise their throats when recollections, step-by-step “what to those very activities expect when you’re expecting” instruction just six months books or Dr. Spock manuals have ever prior to Baby’s birth been able to accurately summarize the would’ve landed inherent fear and absolute realization of Daddy in the childrearing—especially for Dad. Mom’s doghouse. been reading, eating, “showering,” eating, Over the nesting, eating and learning everything years my daughter’s maturity has likely there is to know about how to be a surpassed my own, as she’s entered round-the-clock caregiver. Clueless Dad, adulthood a little faster than I intended. however, doesn’t truly “get it” until he’s At age 10 she started wearing a little on the receiving end of Mommy when make up. A couple of years later the Baby emerges, all covered in slime and training bra made its first appearance and coughing up colorful fluids from hell. then, she started her period. I don’t know And if that’s not enough to completely which one of us was more mortified at the place him in shock, right after he cuts time—me for purchasing and strategically the lifeline from Mommy, the placenta is placing the proper hygiene products in her delivered. He’s now comatose. bathroom or her for realizing that I knew Now, despite any previous experience a she’d become a woman and had therefore guy’s had in taking care procured the necessary of a pet or a plant—no, “As a parent, provisions on her behalf let’s just say pet—he to keep at my house. the smile of has no idea what’s OMG. involved in taking care remembering As the teen years of the humanoid he’s what I did in my progressed a little now entrusted with further, I remembered car at that age when Mommy is doing I was like at her other things around now makes me what age…and what I was the house. He is in fact throw up a little doing…and with whom. terrified. However, as in my mouth at That’s when the reality soon as the kid is old “Sweet 16 and never enough to run around, the thought of the hit. been kissed?” I don’t bump its heads or same activities think so—no, scratch scrape a knee without the need for emergency occurring in hers.” that—I wanna think so.

But who am I kidding? amputation, Dad starts to better understand and truly appreciate Let’s move on.

Age 16 reveals a rite of passage that is his new young playmate. perhaps more important than voting at The cool thing about being a dad 18, drinking at 21 or even retiring at 65. is that you too are still a kid at heart, For it is at this tender young age that the so opportunities to engage in stupid, main principle our forefathers fought for, immature activities with your child is and on which this country was founded, is not only acceptable, but encouraged. realized beyond comprehension—freedom Mom not only enables this behavior, but

finally rings.

A license is issued by the state enabling teenagers to remove themselves physically from their parents in any direction and at varying speeds as often as they wish. A haven has now been afforded in which to hang out, make out, party out, then pass out.

As a parent, the smile of remembering what I did in my car at that age now makes me throw up a little in my mouth at the thought of the same activities occurring in hers.

At least she’s (as Rain Man put it) “an excellent driver”. Just a year ago she was backing out of parking spaces in empty practice lots at 30 miles per hour without looking in the rear-view mirror. Now she’s successfully parallel parking between two cars on a busy street. She knows which red-light cameras work and which are disabled and the sensitivity of them all. She’s memorized the speed limits of the streets she drives and consistently exceeds them by at least 10 miles per hour every time. And, after much conditioning, she’s finally perfected the art of using only one foot to control both the gas and brake.

This doesn’t make it any easier for me to watch her drive away on her own.

There’s my little girl, speeding off into the unknown avenues of jackasses who drive too slow in the left lane, suddenly stop in the right lane to let someone out, the tailgaters, road-ragers and Obama-haters.

Nowadays, instead of being scared at the thought of becoming a dad, I’m scared at the thought of being a dad. But I’m ever so proud of my sweet 16 (who I’d like to think has never been kissed).

Chuck Crowder

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The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 40 | October 6, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

Chuck Crowder is a local writer and general man about town. His opinions are just that. Everything expressed is loosely based on fact, and crap he hears people talking about. Take what you just read with a grain of salt, but pepper it in your thoughts.

www.chattanoogapulse.com | October 6, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 40 | The Pulse

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