The Pulse - Vol 8, Issue 7

Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative

New Face, New Vision at AVA

By George Sand

FREE • NEWS, VIEWS, MUSIC, FILM, ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT • FEBRUARY 17, 2011 • VOLUME 8, ISSUE 7 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

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The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 7 | February 17, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

PULSE BEATS 4 THE BOOKSHELF 7 ON THE BEAT 13 LIFE IN THE NOOG 23 ASK A MEXICAN 30

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VOLUME 8, ISSUE 7 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

“The underground newspapers did a lot of things 7 the blogosphere is credited with doing today” — Janis Hashe on the story of the ’60s underground press.

“The art world has become democratized. It plays out on the street as a public affair.”

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— Anne Wilson, new director for arts organization AVA.

“They say the most important element of turning a 23 potentially good show into a great show is the quality of the writing.”

— Chuck Crowder on plans for a Southern sit-com.

“A $7 matinee price is far too much to pay for actors that don’t deserve top billing in a high-school production of Our Town.”

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— Film critic John DeVore on the snoozefest The Eagle.

www.chattanoogapulse.com | February 17, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 7 | The Pulse

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NEWS Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative President Jim Brewer, II Publisher Zachary Cooper Contributing Editor Janis Hashe News Editor Gary Poole Director of Sales Rhonda Rollins Advertising Sales Rick Leavell, Michelle Pih, Townes Webb Calendar Editors Bryanna Burns, Kat Dunn Graphic Design Jennifer Grelier Pulse Contributors Gustavo Arellano, Rob Brezsny Dave Castaneda, Chuck Crowder Michael Crumb, John DeVore, Janis Hashe, Joshua Hurley Matt Jones, Louis Lee Kelly Lockhart, Ernie Paik George Sand, Alex Teach Editorial Cartoonist Rick Baldwin Contact Info: Phone (423) 265-9494 Fax (423) 266-2335 Email Inquiries info@chattanoogapulse.com Calendar Submissions calendar@chattanoogapulse.com The Pulse is published weekly and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publishers may take more than one copy per weekly issue. The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors.

The Pulse is published by

Brewer Media 1305 Carter Street Chattanooga, Tennessee 37402 Letters to the editor must include name, address and daytime phone number for verification. The Pulse reserves the right to edit letters for space and clarity.

Please keep letters within 300 words in length.

The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on culture, the arts, entertainment and local news.

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Pulse Beats

"Q"

“We are lousy accountants and we’ve dropped the ball on some things.”

— Phillip Grymes, executive director of Outdoor Chattanooga, responding to a city audit that uncovered allegations of employee theft and lax accounting procedures.

Extreme Makeover: Home Edition Comes To Rossville At just 9 years old, Rossville’s Patrick Sharrock is a child who manages to inspire and uplift everyone he’s around. His positive attitude is even more remarkable because he has a rare genetic condition, commonly known as brittle bone disease, where even the slightest bump could cause his bones to snap.

In his short life, Patrick has already had 59 broken bones.

The family’s 50-yearold crumbling house is a major landmine for him. A severely sloping floor is just one of the challenges in the home that makes it unsafe for Patrick.

This past Sunday, the design team from Extreme Makeover: Home Edition told the Sharrock family that Patrick will have a safe environment to call home for the rest of his life. Local builder Vision Homes will lead the build, with the support of more than 3,000 skilled and community volunteers, at their Monanaw Avenue home..

Despite the challenges, Patrick faces life with joy and humor. He tells jokes and keeps everyone around him laughing. Another of this energetic and lively youngster’s pastimes, ironically, is that he loves to break dance. Patrick’s parents, Michael and Cindy, share his can-do attitude and unbreakable spirit.

Everything in their lives is geared to protect

The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 7 | February 17, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

their son as best they can, including homeschooling to avoid playground injuries. They adjust their work schedules so one of them is always home with Patrick. But even that is filled with potential problems since Cindy is partially deaf and may not be able to hear Patrick if he should fall or hurt himself.

The Sharrocks have become an inspiration to other families with kids facing challenges.

Patrick is a poster child for the local Shriners Hospitals for Children and speaks there often. He visits other kids battling illness and cheers them up with his jokes because he believes, “A hospital wouldn’t be a happy place without laughter.”

He also speaks for an annual event at the Chattanooga Discovery Museum which teams “typical” kids with special-needs kids to foster better understanding. Patrick and Cindy participate in storytime at their local library and the Sharrocks also take part each year in the Susan G. Komen breast-cancer walk.

And while the Sharrocks are on a special vacation to Walt Disney World, “EM: HE” design team leader Ty Pennington and designers Ed Sanders, Leigh Anne Tuohy, Eduardo Xol and Xzibit, local builder Vision Homes, and community volunteers will build the family a new home.

• The third time was not the charm for Hamilton County teachers and their fellow school system employees. The county school board again failed last week to approve a onetime bonus payment, the measure failing by a 5-to-4 vote against.

Superintendent Dr. Jim Scales says he was “saddened and disappointed” by the vote, and feels that the bonus payments of $500 would have been a nice gesture, considering how much system teachers and employees have been asked to do during the past several years.

• Reports from the ChattanoogaHamilton County Health Department over the past week indicate that there has been an increase of influenza-like illness in the community. Flu symptoms typically include: fever, cough, sore throat, headache, chills, muscle aches, and extreme fatigue. If you’re sick with the flu you should stay home; wash your hands frequently; cover your nose or mouth when coughing or sneezing; and drink plenty of fluids.

The Health Department recommends that everyone be vigilant in washing their hands and to stay home if you wind up with the bug.

NEWS

Commentary

Love and Dating As a relatively recent husband, and father of children, let me put in a word for date as “job interview.” If, a few years from now, a young man were to say to one of our daughters, “I’d like to get married and I find you attractive so far; may I treat you to a meal at a good talking restaurant—after which we’ll go our separate ways, with no further commitment at that point—so we can talk about whether we might work out well and enjoyably together?”

I would consider that he had showed courage, consideration, wisdom, and caution, and might well be worthy of her hand in marriage, or of a non-romantic friendship if they considered marriage unwise but wished to be friends in other ways.

Andrew Lohr Love for Dr. Rick Dr. Rick, I loved your vivid sharing of your experiences with your first drum circle. I have participated in them, as well, and enjoyed the trance-like meditative state you describe. It does leave you feeling buoyant, and the group energy from it is amazing. I agree with your comments on staying open-minded about complementary medicine/alternative healing modalities. An approach that works well for one person doesn’t always work for another,

Send all letters to the editor and questions to

info@chattanoogapulse.com We reserve the right to edit letters for content and space. Please include your full name, city and contact information.

and while it may take time to find the best approach for you, the potential benefit is usually worth the effort. I am so pleased to see “Shrink Rap” and your steady therapeutic voice back again in The Pulse.

Jim H. Urban Pollution Don’t we have enough contamination in the city without this Velsicol adding even more to it? People today are hard put to stay healthy under ordinary circumstances. There seems to be little concern on the part of those in power to pay attention to the welfare of those they represent.

Elsie Knoke Problems At The Zoo After reading the reports about the care of the animals [at the Chattanooga Zoo], I feel a bit like Marlin Perkins. Obviously a lot of care and attention is required and given to these animals and human error is always a possibility.

But after all is said and done, the zoo staff has a formidable, challenging task and they do a great job. I do hope the appeal results in overturning any negative consequences.

Roger Randall East Brainerd Development Planning Commissioners met on Monday to vote on yet another high-density development that would increase traffic, extend our commute time, and lower our home values.

Some of us are just tired of our commissioners and city council members lowering our zoning standards to assure short-term profits for developers. The developer wants to put dense, multi-family housing in the flood zone on both sides of Gunbarrel Road in the 1300 block going towards Council Fire and Audubon Acres. This latest surprise rezoning would strip us of our R-1 zoning. That zoning protects us from high-density development.

Yet, again, there wasn’t timely or visible public notification of neighbors. Our traffic is already snarled. Our skyline is cluttered with tall apartments. Traffic accidents and crime are rising. And flooding from poor city planning is cutting people off from their homes and destroying property.

Lana Sutton www.chattanoogapulse.com | February 17, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 7 | The Pulse

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NEWS

Politics & Crime A weekly roundup of the newsworthy, notable and often head-scratching stories gleaned from police reports from the Chattanooga Police Department, the Hamilton County Sheriff’s Office, the Bradley County Sheriff’s Department and the Dalton Police Department.

Here is one of the agenda items to be discussed at the Tuesday, February 22 meeting of the Chattanooga City Council.

7. Resolutions: b) A resolution authorizing the Administrator of the Department of Parks and Recreation to enter into an agreement with the Chattanooga Swim League for the use of the Warner Park Swimming Pool for the purpose of hosting the Chattanooga Area Swim League Championship for a rental fee of $2,000.00.

Not everything the city council does is front-page news or filled with controversy.

In fact, many of the resolutions it deals with every week involve rather mundane aspects of running a mid-size city, such as the above resolution (and two other similar ones) involving the rental of the Warner Park Swimming Pool in order to hold swimming competitions and practices.

While $2,000 may not seem like a lot, it’s the little things that add up and help pay for the operations of our various public facilities. Let’s just hope that after all the cold weather we’ve been having this winter that the pool remains heated.

The Chattanooga City Council meets each Tuesday at 6 p.m. in the City Council Building at 1000 Lindsay St. For more information on the current agenda, and past minutes, visit www.Chattanooga.gov/City_Council

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• We often wonder why criminals agree to allow their vehicles or houses to be searched. But the fact is, more often than not, they apparently realize the “gig is up” and open their doors. Such was the case over the weekend in Bradley County when deputies served an arrest warrant on a man for not fulfilling his community-service requirements, and found a working meth lab.

After being taken into custody, he gave permission to officers to search his home, where they discovered the lab as well as two bags of meth and several scales. To make matters worse, there was also a 2-year-old child in the house. All told, four people were arrested on a variety of drug charges, as well as on child endangerment charges for the toddler’s parents.

• No one is above the law. That may not be true around the world, but it is one of the bedrock legal principles in this country.

And it was put into action last week when a federal judge sentenced a former Bradley County deputy to 24 months in federal prison plus three years of supervised

The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 7 | February 17, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

release. The exMarine and former deputy pleaded guilty to smuggling firearms out of Iraq.

Prosecutors said the deputy and other members of his military unit confiscated dozens of weapons from Iraqis, including two AK-47s and grenades. They brought them back to the country by hiding them in a vehicle’s fuel tank.

• No one is above the law, part two. A Catoosa County magistrate is facing allegations of misconduct and in now under formal review from the state. The Georgia Judicial Qualifications Commission last week filed formal charges against Judge Anthony Peters. Peters is reportedly under investigation for several charges of misconduct, including pointing a gun at himself and several co-workers and barging into a home and yelling at them. He also is accused of using marijuana. The document, filed with the Georgia Supreme Court, gives Peters 30 days from receiving the document to respond. So far, neither he nor his attorney has made any official statement regarding the allegations.

• If there’s one thing that cannot be defended at all, it’s failing to support your own children. Which is why is was heartening to see the Hamilton County Sheriff’s Office Investigative Services conduct a joint warrant operation along with the Chattanooga Police Department and Lookout Mountain Police Department last week. The operation targeted individuals who had outstanding warrants for failure to pay child support. During the course of the day, 23 arrests were made and 35 warrants served.

The individuals arrested in the operation have a combined outstanding balance of $26,408, which they will be required to pay prior to being released from custody.

LITERATURE

The Bookshelf

The Revolution That Will Be Televised

By Janis Hashe, Pulse Contributing Editor

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ast week, most of us watched, mesmerized, as history was made in Egpyt. The first revolution made possible by social media unfolded in front of us in an astonishing short period of time. As I watched, the parallels between what I was seeing and the time described in John McMillian’s outstanding new book, Smoking Typewriters: The Sixties Underground Press and the Rise of Alternative Media in America, seemed plain.

In comments provided by the publisher, McMillian states, “Without a doubt, the underground newspapers did a lot of things the blogosphere is credited with doing today—they helped to democratize the media, helped likeminded people to build communities, and brought overlooked issues to the mainstream media’s attention.”

Sound familiar?

“Smoking Typewriters” is a fascinating read and a meticulously well-researched book, describing the time in American history, the personalities, and the economics that allowed the alt-press to flourish.

by the late 1960s, championing the revolutionary overthrow of the United States government, “ McMillian writes. In the publisher’s text, he notes that “the youth rebellion of the 60s was arguably the largest mass movement in American history, and we simply aren’t going to see anything quite like it again.”

But Middle East experts have for years been pointing to populations in Arab countries that are young, educated—and fed up with their governments. Again, the parallels are striking.

Anyone interested in the role of media in modern history will want to read “Smoking Typewriters”. McMillian weaves in the stories of the icons of alt-papers, such as Marshall Bloom, co-founder of Liberation News Service, and Tom Forcade, who ran the Underground Press Syndicate, with discussions of how the mimeograph machine made it possible for the early papers to survive, the role of organizations such as the SDS, and the federal government’s “war against underground newspapers.” He points out that writers such as Hunter S. Thompson and P.J. O’Rourke, Tom Robbins and Charles Bukowski first published in alt-papers. (Note: Compare the descriptions of Bloom and Forcade’s personalities with that of Mark Zuckerberg—once again, the similarities pop out at you.)

Some of the great stories broken and pursued by the altpress are covered and Chapter Three takes us back to the hilarious “Great Banana Hoax of 1967.”

“The underground newspapers did a lot of things the blogosphere is credited with doing today—they helped to democratize the media, helped likeminded people to build communities, and brought overlooked issues to the mainstream media’s attention.”

“The ‘underground’ moniker arose because some of the first of them…appealed to self-styled cultural outlaws: freelance intellectuals, dissenters, folk and jazz musicians, who clustered in taverns and espresso houses in low-rent neighborhoods. Many of these papers, however, could seem genuinely subversive, opening flouting society’s conventions, and

And of course he asks whether such papers still have a role to play today. The final chapter, “From Underground to Everywhere: Alternative Media Trends Since the Sixties” documents the increasing “corporatization” of alt-newspapers, the mergers that have killed many of them, and the absorbing of some of their unique voices into the mainstream press.

To a significant degree, the muckraking, rabblerousing role once played by these papers has been taken over by more immediate forms of media.

But, as could be seen last week, trained journalists as still very muhc needed. “I think that the service that is performed by daily, general interest newspapers (and newsweeklies) is almost immeasurable…we need professional editors and trained reporters to try and determine what is most important for people to know. And we need responsible, qualified people who will try—to the very best of their abilities—to report the news fairly and accurately,” McMillian writes.

And to, at least some of the time, as “Smoking Typewriters” documents, get in the face of The Man. “Each of these tabloids grew out of relatively isolated regional subcultures, and they originally presented themselves as community newspapers, aiming to defend local avant-gardists, provide forums for neighborhood activists, and irritate campus officials and municipal officials.”

Viva The Pulse!

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COVER STORY

Arts Vision

New Face, New Vision at AVA Story by George Sand Photography by Louis Lee

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here is a storefront at 30 Frazier Avenue on the North Shore, sandwiched between the yellow beacon of Clumpies Ice Cream and the eye-catching window displays of Blue Sky. The sign on the door spells “ava” in a trendy lower-case bubble script. This very simple acronym stands for the Association for Visual Arts.

It’s a small logo and an even subtler distinction in its wording. This 25-year-old organization isn’t called the Association “of” but rather “for” the visual arts—not an exclusive society of members only, but instead an institute for the encouragement and support of all artists. As the new executive director, Anne Willson

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COVER STORY

Arts Vision

is renewing the guarantee that AVA continue the same mission for the next 25 years.

Willson was born in Wilmington, North Carolina and raised in Greensboro, where she lived for 45 years. Her resume includes a bachelor’s degree in art and communication studies and a master’s degree in liberal studies, both from the University of North Carolina at Greensboro, and time spent in every level of arts administration.

Willson remembers it was a family friend who first introduced her to the indigenous red clay of the Piedmont region.

While she worked as a potter, turning and doing production for other artists, a temp job in arts administration sparked the realization her personality and art mission were better suited for the administrative side of the arts.

Her hands-on education took her from coordinating an arts council’s street festival to museum work to gallery spaces, all providing her with a full spectrum of training.

Willson served as the administrator of the Weatherspoon Art Museum, the art museum of UNC Greensboro, and from there helmed UNC Greensboro’s ArtsLink, the first collaborative and collective marketing campaign to unite the creative energy of the university’s nine separate art programs. She next founded her own nonprofit, Bricolage, an organization focused on honoring local artists and sustaining the process of locally

ligan of the Front Gallery on the Southside. An inquiry to the old friends yielded the first of many glowing stories about AVA. Christa J. Mannarino, AVA’s longtime executive director, left the position in June 2010 and when Willson submitted her application, AVA’s Board of Directors was in the final stages of its interview process.

During a whirlwind fall, she interviewed, accepted the post, relocated and began a new life in a new city. She packed up her Greensboro home, discovered the perfect North Chattanooga house on her first morning of house hunting and already has her North Carolina home under contract a mere two months after her December 6 start date. “[All of this activity] brought it home and let me know this is where I’m supposed to be,” Willson says.

Her first impressions of AVA were an appreciation of the people and the groundswell of support within the Chattanooga community that had made the organization possible.

“The people are the reason that I am here. I’m really stuck by the affection people have for AVA. Everyone has a story,” Willson explains. “It was truly an organization that came from within.”

“The art world has become democratized. It plays out

on the street as a public affair. Art has come off of the gallery walls and into the community at large.” created art.

“I’ve always been committed to the ‘front end’ of art,” says Willson. “I’m excited when the canvas is still white.”

Unfortunately, the economy was not kind to Bricolage.

But in Willson’s one-thing-leads-to-another career, the experience happened for a reason. Bricolage shuttered its doors in May and in August she found AVA’s listing for an executive director. As it happened, she knew two artists in Chattanooga, Jan Chenoweth and Roger Hal-

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COVER STORY

Arts Vision

“I’ve always been committed to the ‘front end’ of art. I’m excited when the canvas is still white.”

Founded in 1986, AVA was part of the Vision 2000 initiative, one of the cornerstones of Chattanooga’s renaissance. It has grown to 600 members, 200 volunteers, seven staffers and more than 54,000 people served each year. Willson notes that most staffers gladly do everything in and out of their job descriptions to support what she terms the “multifaceted” nature of the organization. To date, AVA has produced events like Artstravaganza, placed public art in the city’s center and launched an artist-in-residence program in Hamilton County schools. It has also made a major national arts event of the 4 Bridges Arts Festival, established its Media Lab as a digital resource for community members, students and artists alike and created the “Reel Story” project at Tyner Academy, which gives high school students the chance to develop documentaries about the themes in their own lives.

But although this prolific versatility has allowed AVA to reach groups all over Chattanooga, and in a very fundamental way continually reinforces the main principles of Vision 2000, it has also created a “finger-in-too-many-pies” situation, as Willson acknowledges. “There are so many facets that in some ways the central core has been weakened,” Willson observes.

Her initial goal is to re-strengthen that core with streamlined consolidation and a planned strategic planning process, of which she is a veteran several times over.

AVA has yet to identify the consultant, but the board of directors will lead the process, which will reevaluate who AVA is and what the organization does.

“We have to put ourselves first sometimes,” Willson says. “If we aren’t healthy and strong, we can’t serve anyone else.”

Though she won’t carry any preconceived notions into the discussion, she does want to address AVA’s financial resources, and the checks and balances to

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program planning to ensure projects serve the community without stretching AVA to its limit and also continue the professional development of the staff and young artists. Looking at the landscape of today’s art world, Willson is conscious of the evolution in the way we create, support and understand art.

“The arts are different today—and we need to be able to respond accordingly.

We have to be flexible if we are going to survive,” Willson emphasizes.

As she explains, the entire art world has been in transition for the past five years from the dynamic it maintained for 10 to 15 years through the 1990s and early 2000s.

Previous generations typically experienced art as participants of drawing, pottery and painting classes, as museumgoers, and as donors and buyers. Now, the public awareness of and desire for art has expanded beyond this traditional setting, just as many traditional forums of media and entertainment have shifted in the New Millennium and the age of YouTube.

“The art world has become democratized,” Willson says. “It plays out on the street as a public affair. Art has come off of the gallery walls and into the community at large.”

With this change, the conversation and rapport between artist and audience has also changed. No longer are the painter, the sculptor and the filmmaker responsible to a single patron. Rather, with the evolved expectations of the audience, the artist is more tied to the community’s world and the task of listening to the current context and creating art according to a tone intrinsic to that same community’s culture.

Willson confirms that this shift doesn’t change the age-old purpose of the artist, which remains to comment on society and its presiding or repressed issues. However, it does overhaul the artistic process and sets the profession in a very real-world

COVER STORY

Arts Vision

economic framework. Artists have mortgages and children to put through college. Willson was pleased to find that Chattanooga has already addressed developing and supporting the entrepreneurial artist. She pointed to CreateHere, the nonprofit established to recruit artists in the revival of the Southside, and Frances McDonald’s Mark Making, which has reinvented several public spaces with community-inspired murals.

AVA’s position in Chattanooga also returns to a theme of Willson’s art life in giving budding artists a venue with the annual Fresh Emerging Artists Exhibition, the new artists booths at the 4Bridges Arts Festival and the student programs celebrating the voices that know Chattanooga best because they are the native voices.

“My heart is in community art,” Willson says.

To that end, she is developing a new community art program that will partner AVA with a different nonprofit each year and generate art to promote little-known, crucial community causes. Its debut year will pair AVA with FACES, the National Craniofacial Association based in Chattanooga.

In addition to increasing public awareness concerning craniofacial deformities and serving as an information and support center for families all over the United States, FACES covers the travel costs of patients and their families to hospitals and specialty clinics for treatment.

As Willson noted, there are an uncommon number of organizations and people in Chattanooga fostering social issues through nonprofit work—as many as 1,800, according to the Internal Revenue Service—and yet, the majority of the general public is unaware of the

“There are so many facets that in some ways the central core has been weakened.”

As for AVA, Willson sees the organization’s role as one of a facilitator that offers access to professional training and technology through the Media Lab and projects like “Reel Story”. In addition, AVA can shepherd the ongoing shift in the art world in Chattanooga by blending the more traditional gallery shows with opportunities for nontraditional art expression, such as the upcoming the Take Art/Leave Art exhibition and the numerous innovative projects to come.

charitable momentum in the city. The community art program allows artists to comment on the featured issue and bring it to the forefront of minds and conversations.

This year, artists are being asked to create masks, the sale of which will benefit both AVA and FACES. But in the midst of an upcoming strategic planning process, new programming, ongoing projects and event planning, how has Willson adjusted to her new home?

She reports she has found that she enjoys not only the feel of Chattanooga, but also the happiness of those she meets every day. The joy and pride people take in their work, be it art or government or writing, has made her job more and more enjoyable. To comment on her adopted home, as a community artist does, Willson muses that Chattanoogans are having fun with their lives and their work, “doing well and doing good at the same time.”

Current Exhibit (through February 25) “Therely Bare” Nonobjective art by 16 artists from around the world.

Free Tuesday- Friday 11 a.m. - 5 p.m.

AVA Gallery, 30 Frazier Ave. (423) 265-4282. www.avarts.org

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OPINION

On The Beat

Officer Teach Reveals: Why I Couldn’t Be a Cop T

he decision for me to never be a cop wasn’t just one of conscience, it was twofold.

One, when I discussed thoughts of the vocation with my father around the time I was graduating from high school, he pointedly suggested that I not spend my life surrounded by the dregs of society. Since I thought I knew everything at that age (and he quite literally did), it seemed like sound advice and I filed it away as such.

Two…well, that was a much cooler example than that of a concerned father.

I had been driving just long enough to have wrecked my first car (two weeks, for the curious) and thus wasn’t very bold about driving around town, but I managed to get around as any teen would if given more than 20 minutes of free time and five bucks worth of gas on a Saturday night.

After all, gas was 75 cents a gallon then…and before you date me too harshly, Bush 41 was president, not Carter.

Being an independent smartass on just such a night, I decided to head out to the Cradle of Local Juvenile Civilization: Brainerd Road.

To the old-heads out there, don’t laugh: It was the only destination for one too young to vote, much less drink, and I decided to make myself feel slightly more adult by stopping somewhere for fast food. I never even got out of the car.

I wheeled into a Krystal and as I eased into a coveted front-row space, I could see that there was a freakin’ riot going on inside about the same instant I could see no way to back out of the parking lot. I was stuck there, so I sat (with locked doors) and just watched the show.

People inside were fighting everywhere; objects were

flying in the air, trays were being thrown, and the crowd had the volume of a packed football stadium. Genuine civil unrest: I’ve been in love with it ever since, but that first time it was as scary as a liberal agenda.

I was sitting there slack-jawed when a dark-blue police cruiser screamed into the lot and parked behind me, further blocking me in; its door opened, and the cop that emerged was so big he must have had to unfold himself to get out of the seat.

He was big. I mean real big.

He stood for a second surveying the scene, and when he snatched his radio from his belt holster and raised it to his mouth, it seemed as if the sleeves on his short-sleeved uniform shirt must tear. I was thinking that very thought when he unexpectedly tossed that radio into his patrol car, then shocked me further by pulling out his revolver and doing the same. I cocked my head to the side like a dog as he locked his car door, then went directly into the riot-filled store. Alone.

I had about enough time to cock my head over to the other side when that cop threw a man through one of the store’s plate-glass windows almost directly in front of me.

When I say “thrown”, I also mean “back-first and upside down”, and he landed tangled up in the “Cowboy Sid & Sheila the Wonder Horse” acrylic that had been covering it.

People started to leave.

I couldn’t see much though the crowd, but the cop was visible in flashes and seemingly moving in circles.

Someone jumped off of an anchored-down table to attack him, and he just hooked the guy by the shoulder and

Alex Teach

crotch and kept him going in the direction he happened to be flying in. (It was just bad luck that this happened to be at another well-anchored table.)

It went on and on like this for another incredibly long minute or so until the place emptied out, and only then did another cop car arrive. Mutant Cop finally emerged, sweating and breathing fast, and I’ll be damned if he wasn’t smiling.

If that’s what cops had to do, then I knew it just wasn’t a job for me. I was small. And as such, I knew then and there…I could never be a cop.

“I had about enough time to cock my head over to the other side when that cop threw a man through one of the store’s plate-glass windows almost directly in front of me.”

It turns out, I was partially right because I don’t pretend to be a very good one now, but then? I had a better chance of walking on the moon than wearing The Blue as far as I was concerned. But actually, there is more than one type of cop; there really is something to that Clintonian horseshit about “strength through diversity.”

Dad was right about the dregs of society…but the smiling cop that moved in circles was right, too: This was fun. And that, folks, is why I could never be a cop.

(Next Week: “Why Alex Teach Could Never Be Mayor.”)

When Officer Alexander D. Teach is not patrolling our fair city on the heels of the criminal element, he is an occasional student, carpenter, boating enthusiast, and spends his spare time volunteering for the Boehm Birth Defects Center. Follow him on Facebook at www.facebook.com/alex.teach

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MUSIC

Feature

Sampling the Samplers at Native Tongues

By Dave Castaneda, Pulse Music Writer

E

very once in a while there comes a band that beautifully meshes several different genres of music seamlessly, creating boundary-pushing sounds that sound like ear candy.

Luckily, on February 19, you will get to experience three of these bands at the Native Tongues local music showcase at JJ’s Bohemia.

A frequent motif in the music of Chattanooga’s scene is bands that use samples in their music. This kind of sampling can happen through a laptop, a keyboard, a sample pad and various other tools. The musician will use the sampling instrument to manipulate and loop a piece of music or sound to help complement their live instruments. This new mode of music of music has various subgenres that cannot be covered in one article, but Chattanooga has been supporting this new marriage of sound that beautifully melts into a genre I like to call “indie beats”.

rock and electro bash music,” taking various elements from Johnny Hallyday to Depeche Mode to Crystal Castles.

What makes this band unique is that they plug all their instruments up to a computer rack called, “The Motherboard”, which manipulates all their samples live.

The band encourages fans to stream their album in its entirety at the Prophets and Kings’ Facebook page. Standout tracks include “Bear Milk” and “First Taste.” The live performances are very energetic, to say the least, as John Michael describes it, “We were playing a show outside of Chicago in a farm and the audience was in heavy anticipation for the show. Within 20 minutes of us playing, the crowd got so energetic that they literally broke parts of the dance floor from bouncing up and down.”

Moving off from the sounds of “electro bash,” the two other acts incorporate various sample-based elements in their music. Riot Punch delivers their own brand of electronica and rock music that they like to call, “collage rock.” This band is made up of guitarist/vocalist John Daughtery, bassist Steve Curry, and drummer Benjamin Moore.

Think of the Riot Punch as a new blend of music that takes the flavors of dubstep, hip-hop, and post rock brewed hot and fresh for the listener. Riot Punch is a great band for this show because of the similarities to Prophets and Kings in the use of live sample manipulations, yet different in the sense that the complexity of the beats are contrasting and intriguing enough to evoke some foot tapping on the dance floor.

“The upcoming edition of Native Tongues is a celebration for Prophets and King’s album release and features local guests Riot Punch and Dolphin Mouth.”

The upcoming edition of Native Tongues is a celebration for Prophets and Kings’ album release and features local guests Riot Punch and Dolphin Mouth. What makes this particular album release special is the fact that the band is producing the album on custom USB sticks in the shape of the band's logo. The USB stick will feature high-quality MP3 files and a music video that you can transfer anywhere and reuse for any purpose.

Prophets and Kings is guitarist/keyboardist John Michael Brown, vocalist Stratton Tingle, bassist Travis Ringstaff, and drummer Eric Lisica. They describe themselves as “electronic

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Last but not least, I would not miss the opening act! Dolphin Mouth is a force to be reckoned with. A side project from producer/vocalist Joshua Bennett of Forest Magic, Dolphin Mouth takes several elements of psychedelic and dream pop and combines them into multi-instrumental sample-based music. Joshua describes his music as, “ambient dance music with a sense of trance.” Dolphin Mouth takes a different approach to live performances by incorporating visual and artistic elements to accompany the music. While other bands use complex layers of samples, the difference with Dolphin Mouth is in simplicity.

At any given time you can see Joshua run his samples through a computer, use a snare drum, use a guitar, or sing into a mic on stage. By taking live visual elements like lighting to complement the ambient sounds, Joshua has created an almost hypnotic experience that you have to see to believe.

JJ’s has once again put together a stellar showcase by combining three contrasting music acts with one similarity: sample-based manipulation. Dolphin Mouth will send you into a trance with his ambient and trippy sounds, while Riot Punch lifts the energy up with their danceable blends of collage rock. Then Prophets and Kings will have the floors shaking with their high-energy electro-rock performance. Watch this showcase unfold this Saturday to get a glimpse into the Chattanooga indie beat scene.

Native Tongues: Prophets and Kings, Riot Punch, Dolphin Mouth $5 8 p.m.

Saturday, February 19 JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia

MUSIC

Ernie Paik's CD Reviews

The Evolution Control Mark Merriman Southern Dream Committee All Rights Reserved (Seeland)

“We’re not crazy about the idea of suing our fans, but it seems to work for the RIAA,” says the Evolution Control Committee (ECC) cheekily, concerning its latest album All Rights Reserved. Like kindred spirits such as John Oswald and Steinski, the ECC has had a long history of copyright violations by using uncleared samples; its now-classic “Whipped Cream Mixes” paired rap vocals from Public Enemy with Herb Alpert’s cheesy instrumentals, being a notable precursor for the decade-old mash-up craze. So, to get around any potential legal issues, on the opening track of All Rights Reserved, the ECC recites a legal agreement that forbids everyone from listening to the album. There. Simple.

Are mash-ups and sample collages novelty songs or are they art? There’s a case to be made either way, but mostly, All Rights Reserved seems to provoke some kind of immediate response, from laughter to a nod of recognition. One specimen takes the opening line of the Beatles’ “With a Little Help from My Friends” literally—Ringo Starr’s vocals on that track are altered, making him indeed sing out of tune, producing cringeworthy results. Some tracks use textbook mash-up approaches; on “The Shakes,” the ECC goes into Girl Talkesque dance-oriented territory using persistent beats and snippets of songs that use the word “shake,” and there’s also a Frankenstein’s monster patchwork of various versions of the song “California Dreaming.”

Despite the mischievous charm, it’s uncertain that some of these tracks will stand up to repeat listening, but there are some definite highlights. “Stairway to Britney” pairs “Stairway to Heaven” with Britney Spears’s “…Baby One More Time,” creating unlikely moments of strangely pleasing synchronicity, and “Hillbilly Beatboxing” is a hypnotizing oddity, merging the Sanford & Son theme song with Jimmie Riddle demonstrating the bizarre, backwoods Tennessee vocal technique of eefing. This is all speculation, since my lawyer advised that I not admit to actually listening to this album.

(self-released)

Local singer, songwriter and guitarist Mark Merriman has tackled diverse genres such as Celtic music, jazz and pop, and the title of his latest release, the 6-track EP Southern Dream, hints at a common regional thread while wandering through disparate territories.

The opener, “Magdalen’s Way (Revisited),” is a rousing instrumental with Merriman’s ambling acoustic guitar riffs and occasional string harmonic flourishes, backed by a solid rhythm section of Evan Lipson on double bass and Bob Stagner, playing his drum kit with brushes, and balanced with organ chords in the background. It’s followed by the title track, which apparently takes inspiration from the prolific British musician Bill Nelson (whose debut album was titled Northern Dream) and in particular, Nelson’s electro-pop from the early ’80s new-wave era. With a drum machine, keyboards and slide guitar licks, “Southern Dream” is an odd, somewhat perplexing jolt that breaks the expected acoustic continuity, and it’s delivered without a bit of irony or shred of detachment, unlike many new-wave revivalists of today—in this context, though, it’s still a bit hard to swallow.

“I Fell Asleep and Dreamt…” is a pleasant, sauntering acoustic number with a relaxed approach, and “Gazing Into Your Eyes” goes a bit too far into easy-listening territory for this listener’s tastes. Although this writer tends to favor diverse approaches, there’s also something to be said about continuity; still, the EP ends with two of its high points. “Sonny Smith’s Shuffle” is a nostalgic tune, with blues and swing sources and choice sonic details, like the sound of the bass strings rattling against the fingerboard, that bring a vitality to it. The closing track is a solo guitar rendition of “Autumn Leaves,” using the arrangement made by the late British jazz guitarist Frank Evans, who taught Merriman; it’s a nuanced, flowing performance with just the right pacing, showcasing Merriman’s dexterity and grace as a guitarist. www.chattanoogapulse.com | February 17, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 7 | The Pulse

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MUSIC

Concert Calendar FRIDAY

THURSDAY

Darkroom presents MYRRYS

Dark bass music in a dark room with Nashville’s MYRRYS. $10 10 p.m.

412 MRKT, 4 12 Market St. http://on.fb.me/drkrm

Thursday

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Jimmy Harris 6:30 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055.

Open Mic Night 8 p.m. The CampHouse, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081. www.thecamphouse.com Sol Sessions Special Edition 2 with Mike Zarin (ATL|4Deep|CaZ) 9 p.m. The Social (next to Public House), 1110 Market St., Ste. 101.

Mike McDade 9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn). facebook.com/theofficechatt Brock Blues Band with Jordan Hallquist 9 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644.

Doug Stanhope Afterparty: Ashley and the X’s 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia Gabe Newell 10 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 7 | February 17, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

Darkroom Presents MYRRYS 10 p.m. 412 MRKT, 412 Market St. http://on.fb.me.dkrm

Friday

Johnny Cash Tribute Band 5 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo Victorian Lounge, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-5000.

Ben Friberg Trio 6 p.m. Table 2, 232 E. 11th St. (423) 756-8253. www.table2restaurant.com Jimmy Harris 6:30 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Hawthorne Heights, Join the High Flyers, Cutting Through Clouds, Mike Lumas 7 p.m. The Warehouse, 5716 Ringgold Rd., East Ridge. www.myspace.com/warehousetn Scent of Remains, Dying Truth, Restore the Fallen 7 p.m. Ziggy’s Underground, 607 Cherokee Blvd. (423) 756-4786. www.myspace.com/ziggyshideaway Hegarty & DeYoung 8 p.m. Southside Saloon & Bistro.

1301 Chestnut St. (423) 757-4730. www.southsidesaloonandbistro.com The Pool 8 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs Downtown, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956. www.sugarsribs.com Matt Flinner Trio 8 p.m. Barking Legs, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347. www.barkinglegs.org Priscilla & Little Ricky 8:30 p.m. The Foundry, 1201 South Broad St. (423) 756-3400. www.chattanooganhotel.com

A.J. Stone 9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn). facebook.com/theofficechatt Camp Normal 9 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919. www.myspace.com/jimstriker Roller Girls Benefit, Late Night Rage, Twat Sauce, Opportunities, Natural Habitz 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia Moon Taxi with The Gist 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com Rick Rushing & The Blues Strangers 10 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Casey Adams Band 10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com Dana Rogers 10 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Channing Wilson 10 p.m. T-Bones, 1419 Chestnut St. (423) 266-4240. www.tboneschattanooga.com

Saturday

Johnny Cash Tribute Band 5 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo Victorian Lounge, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-5000.

Shai Hulud, Close Your Eyes, Monsters, I, The Breather, Counterparts, Cartographer 6 p.m. The Warehouse, 5716 Ringgold Rd. www.myspace.com/warehousetn

Roller Girls Benefit with Late Night Rage, Twat Sauce, Opportunities, Natural Habitaz

Dance it out to support the mean mama jammers. $6 10 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-1400. myspace.com/jjsbohemia Jimmy Harris 6:30 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055.

Piercing Deception, 6 & 20, Burn Stich 7 p.m. Ziggy’s Underground, 607 Cherokee Blvd. (423) 756-4786. www.myspace.com/ziggyshideaway WinterSong Concert 7 p.m. Barking Legs, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347. www.barkinglegs.org Barbara Lamb 8 p.m. Charles & Myrtle’s Coffeehouse, 105 McBrien Rd. (423) 897-4960. www.christunity.org Brock Blues Band 8 p.m. Southside Saloon & Bistro.

1301 Chestnut St. (423) 757-4730. www.southsidesaloonandbistro.com The Pool 8 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs Downtown, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956. www.sugarsribs.com

MUSIC

Concert Calendar

SATURDAY

Barbara Lamb

Fiddling with performance art and audio sculptures. $10 8 p.m.

Charles & Myrtle’s Coffeehouse, 105 McBrien Rd. (423) 892-4960. www.christunity.org Priscilla & Little Ricky 8:30 p.m. The Foundry, 1201 South Broad St. (423) 756-3400. www.chattanooganhotel.com A. J. Valcarel 9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn). facebook.com/theofficechatt The Regulars Band 9 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919. www.myspace.com/jimstriker DJ 33 and Dancing 9 p.m. Backstage (inside Holiday Bowl), 5518 Brainerd Rd. (423) 899-2695. www.holidaybowlbrainerd.com Dirty Guv Nah’s with Glowing Bordis 9:30 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com Native Tongues: Prophets and Kings, Riot Punch, Dolphin Mouth 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia Convertibull 10 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com

SUNDAY

Nathan Farrow 10 p.m. T-Bones, 1419 Chestnut St. (423) 266-4240. www.tboneschattanooga.com Funktastic Five 10 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Karaoke with DJ Stoli 10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com

Sunday

Traditional Irish Music 3 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy. (423) 468-4192.

Karaoke 8:30 p.m. Spectators, 7804 E. Brainerd Rd. (423) 648- 6679.

Keller Williams 9 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com DJ and Dancing 9 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777. www.bartslakeshore.com Karaoke with DJ Stoli 9:30 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com Have Fun Exploding, Senders 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia

Monday

Old Tyme Players 6 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 50 Market St. (433) 634-0260.

Lon Eldridge 7 p.m. The CampHouse, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081. www.thecamphouse.com

Big Band Night 8 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Live DJ – Karaoke 8 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777. www.bartslakeshore.com Karaoke with DJ Stoli 9:30 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com

Tuesday

Ben Friberg Trio 6:30 p.m. Table 2, 232 E. 11th St. (423) 756-8253. www.table2restaurant.com Michael Johnson 7 p.m. The CampHouse, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081. www.thecamphouse.com LaFandin Minchew 9 p.m. Acoustic Cafe, 61 RBC Dr. (706) 965-2065. www.ringgoldacousticcafe.com Open Mic with Mike McDade 9 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike. (423) 266-1996. www.tremonttavern.com Tim and Reece 9 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777. www.bartslakeshore.com Karaoke with DJ Stoli 9:30 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com Roger Alan Wade, Hans Chew, Comedy Buffet 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia

Keller Williams

Solo artist comes armed with major tech to tell his musical story. $20 10 p.m.

Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com

Wednesday

Jimmy Harris 6:30 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055.

Ben Friberg Trio 7 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (433) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com DJ Spins – Karaoke Contest 9 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777. www.bartslakeshore.com Joe The Show 9 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com Channing Wilson 9 p.m. Acoustic Cafe, 61 RBC Dr. (706) 965-2065. www.ringgoldacousticcafe.com Johnston Brown 9 p.m. The Lounge at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Erick Baker with Angel Snow 9:30 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com www.chattanoogapulse.com | February 17, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 7 | The Pulse

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The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 7 | February 17, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

ARTS

Feature

The Healing Power of Art

By Michael Crumb, Pulse Arts Writer

T

he H*art Gallery on Main Street is currently featuring a show by the prolific artist Ellen Zahorec through this month. Zahorec presents numerous naturalist nude drawings and many geometrical paintings, very colorful and with symmetrical elements. There are also some dual frame constructions that have some interesting features.

Zahorec’s pieces are quite affordable, as are most of the pieces available at this unique gallery. Curator Ellen Heavilon has developed an interesting community of talented local artists whose artistic expression balances and actually triumphs over difficult personal circumstances. Heavilon provides art supplies and the resulting work shows at the gallery, where folks can purchase work to enhance their personal environments.

Holly Livengood shows some standout pieces, including “Light Through the Cracks,” a fine abstract painting, and “Somewhere in a Blue Satin Tent,” done in mixed media.

Livengood has been selected for the upcoming “Smash and Grab” event at the Hunter Museum. Livengood’s imaginative range shows depth and clarity: “Jing Ping Ji Xhu” expresses spiritual flow, sharing inspiration.

Kitchen, Partnership for Families, Children and Adults, and at JC Towers. Besides these classes, the gallery also works with Bridge Refugee Services, the AIM Center, Signal Centers and Signal Mountain Social Services. There is quite a lot going on, and Heavilon has an assistant of wonderful ability, Seija Ojanpera, who facilitates much of this work.

I have written previously about the H*art Gallery’s participation in a public art project with Frances McDonald and with CreateHere. The result of this collaboration, “Breathe”, adorns the gallery’s eastern exterior wall. It seems fitting that the large blue letters exhort us to take in the air in this downtown neighborhood, where, within memory, it would have been dangerous to do so because of serious air pollution.

The front of the gallery features a notecard display. Many of the art works in the gallery have been professionally photographed and reduced to this size, so are available for a nominal price. These cards produce a kind of iconic history of the works shown there, as well as being an inexpensive way of obtaining a work’s design, short of purchase.

It’s important to realize that the H*art Gallery places as much emphasis on artists and people as it does on art itself. Developmental stages of an artist may not be featured at a typical gallery, unless the artist has already developed a fine style. The H*art Gallery provides a space for artists to develop. This represents a very important community service. I have often pointed out that the drive to create art regularly supercedes formal training. A number of Chattanooga artists exemplify this principle, and it’s likely

“Curator Ellen Heavilon has developed an interesting community of talented local artists whose artistic expression balances and actually triumphs over difficult personal circumstances.”

One unusual feature of the H*art Gallery is that the artists are often present. Artists come by on Wednesdays and Thursdays, often to work, and they’re available for patrons to meet. Heavilon believes in the importance of real people connecting with each other.

The H*art Gallery provides art classes at the Community

that such artists will emerge from the H*art Gallery.

Tom Dereneck uses a pointillist black-andwhite style to present rural scenes like “Rabbit Pond” with a grayish, dreamy impression.

He also does nature scenes in color, such as “Montana Fir.” Tigress Isaac also presents nature scenes.

Billy Bloom works in a fanciful style that suggests a workingclass context. His “Live Forever Girl” is inspirational, and he has numerous other works on display. John Kilgore uses colored pencils to pastel effect in both natural and fanciful

renderings.

W. C. Engerson’s “Whimsey Flower I” brings surreal loveliness. He also does landscapes and portraits. Other artists include Java Poteet, whose “Puffnia Bloom” verges on geometrical abstract, along with Ralph Cameron, Eileen McManon, Jim McNeese, and Calvin Sprik, who carves and paints wood.

Do visit the H*art Gallery. Enjoy the work—and take some home.

The H*art Gallery Open Wednesday – Friday 11 a.m. to 6 p.m., Saturday 9 a.m. – 2 p.m.

110 E. Main St. (423) 521-4707. www.hartgallerytn.com

www.chattanoogapulse.com | February 17, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 7 | The Pulse

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ARTS

Events Calendar FRIDAY

THURSDAY

The Ladies Man

Farce at its most fun.

$10-$12 7:30 UTC Fine Arts Center, Vine and Palmetto Sts. (423) 425-4269.

Paul E. Peterson lecture: “The Perilous State of American Education” 4:30 p.m. Gailor Auditorium, University of the South, 735 University Ave., Sewanee. (931) 598-1000.

Opening Reception: “The Venue” 5:30 p.m. Tennessee Temple University, 1815 Union Ave. (423) 493-4100.

String Theory: St. Lawrence String Quartet 6 p.m. Hunter Museum of Art, 10 Bluff View. (956) 459-8611.

Photographic Society of Chattanooga Meeting 6 p.m. St. John’s United Methodist Church, 3921 Murray Hills Dr. Big Hearts Bash 7 p.m. The Car Barn, 6721 Heritage Business Ct. Chattanooga Film Society Panel Discussion 7 p.m. Center for Creative Arts, 1301 Dallas Rd. (423) 894-8927.

Organist Balint Karosi 7 p.m. Christ Church Episcopal, 663 Douglas St., # 1. (423) 266-4263.

Live Team Trivia 7:30 p.m. T-Bones Sports Cafe, 1419 Chestnut St. (423) 266-4240. www. chattanoogatrivia.com

Barney’s Version

AEC Independent Film Series showcases Paul Giamatti’s turn as “fearlessly blunt” Barney Panofsky.

Multiple showings.

Majestic 12, 311 Broad St. www.carmike.com

SATURDAY

The Glass Menagerie

Tennessee Williams’ classic performed by the Walnut Street Theatre.

$15- $22 8 p.m.

UTC Fine Arts Center, Vine & Palmetto Sts. (423) 425-4269.

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Hubble 3D 6 p.m. IMAX Theater at the Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (800) 265-0695.

Screening of Swiss Family Robinson 6:30 p.m. green|spaces, 63 E. Main St. (423) 322-7866. www.tnwild.org Ultimate Wave Tahiti 3D 7 p.m. IMAX Theater at the Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (800) 265-0695.

Friday Night Improv 7 p.m. Chattanooga State, 4501 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 697-3246.

Later Life 7:30 p.m. Tennessee Valley Theatre, 184 W. Jackson Ave. Spring City.

(423) 365-7529.

Senior Musical Theatre Showcase 7:30 p.m. Bryan College, 721 Bryan Dr., Dayton. (423) 775-2041.

The Tragedy of Hamlet 7:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.com The Ladies Man 7:30 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center, 725 Vine St. (423) 425-4601. www.utc.edu/music

Threepenny Opera 7:30 p.m. St. Andrew’s Center, 1918 Union Ave. (423) 987-5141. ensembletheatreofchattanooga.com Tracy Smith 7:30, 10 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com Chattanooga Ghost Tour 7:30 p.m. Walnut Street Bridge, 1 Walnut St. (423) 821-7125. www.chattanoogaghosttours.com The Diary of Anne Frank 8 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.com Leading Ladies 8 p.m. Signal Mountain Playhouse, 809 Kentucky Ave. (423) 886-5243. www.smph.org Mystery of Flight 138 8:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839.

Live Team Trivia 9 p.m. Amigo’s Mexican Restaurant, 5450 Hwy 153. (423) 875-8049.

Female Impersonation Show Midnight. Images, 6065 Lee Hwy. (423) 855-8210. www.imagesbar.com

SUNDAY A Day in the Life of an Aquarium Diver 9 a.m. Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (800) 265-0695.

Engineering Fun Day Noon. Creative Discovery Museum, 321 Chestnut St. (423) 648-6043. www.cdmfun.org “Black Ink” Poetry/Spoken Word 12:30 p.m. EPB Community Room, 10 W. MLK Blvd. (423) 622-7923.

Threepenny Opera 2 p.m. St. Andrew’s Center, 1918 Union Ave. (423) 987-5141. ensembletheatreofchattanooga.com The Tragedy of Hamlet 2:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.com Open Improvisational Jam 3 p.m. Barking Legs Theatre, 1307 Dodds Ave. (433) 624-5347. www.barkinglegs.org Opening Reception: “The New English Art Club” 4:30 p.m. Sewanee University, 335 Tennessee Ave. (931) 598-1141. www.sewanee.edu/gallery GPS Visions 6 p.m. The Chattanoogan Hotel, 1201 Broad St. (423) 634-7615.

Later Life 6:30 p.m. Tennessee Valley Theatre, 184 W. Jackson Ave. Spring City.

(423) 365-7529.

Senior Musical Theatre Showcase 7:30 p.m. Bryan College, 721 Bryan Dr., Dayton TN. (423) 775-2041.

The Ladies Man 7:30 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center, 725 Vine St. (423) 425-4601. www.utc.edu/music Let Beauty Awake 7:30 p.m. Chattanooga State Humanities Theatre, 4501 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 697-4400. www.chattanoogastate.edu The Tragedy of Hamlet 7:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534.

Tracy Smith 7:30, 10 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233.

The Diary of Anne Frank 8 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.com Leading Ladies 8 p.m. Signal Mountain Playhouse, 809 Kentucky Ave. (423) 886-5243. www.smph.org

The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 7 | February 17, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

2001 Black History Celebration

Music and dance performances celebrate Chattanooga’s contributions to black history.

Free 6 p.m.

Metropolitan Tabernacle, 2101 West Shepherd Rd. (153 at Airport Exit 1A) (423) 598-3358. www.songsofdestiny.org

Southern 6 Trail Race 11 a.m. Southern Adventist University, 4881 Taylor Cir., Collegedale. www.rockcreek.com/southern6 3rd Annual Formal Affair 1 p.m. Chattanooga Convention Center, 1150 Carter St. (423) 756-0001 Later Life 2 p.m. Tennessee Valley Theatre, 184 W. Jackson Ave. Spring City.

(423) 365-7529.

The Tragedy of Hamlet 2:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.com 2011 Black History Celebration 6 p.m. Metro Tabernacle, 2101 West Shepherd Rd. (423) 598-3538. www.soundsofdestiny.org Threepenny Opera 6:30 p.m. St. Andrew’s Center, 1918 Union Ave. (423) 987-5141. ensembletheatreofchattanooga.com Tracy Smith 8 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233.

Member’s Choice Photographic Art Exhibit 8 a.m. The Gallery at Blackwell, 71 Eastgate Loop. (423) 344-5643.

ARTS

Events Calendar

MONDAY Joseph Campbell Roundtable 1 p.m. Grace Episcopal Church, 20 Belvoir Ave. (423) 698-2433.

Live Team Trivia 6 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5840 Lake Resort Ter. (423) 870-0770. www.chattanoogatrivia.com Presidents Day Library Event 7 p.m. Southern Adventist University, 4881 Taylor Cir., Collegedale. (423) 236-2788.

Back to Borneo 7:30 p.m. Chattanooga State, 4501 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 697-3246.

Faculty Recital 7:30 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center Roland Hayes Hall, 725 Vine St. (423) 425-4601. www.utc.edu/music “Mayhem Poets” 8 p.m. UTC University Center, Room 350.

“Heirloom” 9 a.m. Shuptrine Fine Art Group, 2646 Broad St. (423) 266-4453.

TUESDAY Senior Arts Council Anniversary Reception 1:30 p.m. Loose Cannon Gallery, 1800A Rossville Ave. Songwriter’s Line-up 7 p.m. The Camp House, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081.

“An Evening with Tim Conway and Friends” 7 p.m. Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad St. (423) 757-5050.

Classic Literature Club Reads A Separate Peace 7 p.m. The CampHouse, 1727 Williams St. (423) 432-8579 “It’s Not Easy Being Green” 9 a.m. North River Civic Center, 1009 Executive Dr. Ste. 102.

(423) 870-8924.

“Whispers” 9 a.m. Shuptrine Fine Art Group, 2646 Broad St. (423) 266-4453.

“From Africa to America” 10 a.m. Mosaic Gallery, 412 Market St. (423) 320-67638.

WEDNESDAY

EDITOR'S PICK: FEATURED EVENT

Main Street Farmers Market 4 p.m. Main St. at Williams St. www.mainstfarmersmarket.com Speak Easy: Spoken Word and Poetry 8 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. www.facebook.com/theofficechatt “Sustaining Views” 10 a.m. River Gallery, 400 E. 2nd St. (423) 265-5033.

“Wrapped in Pride” 10 a.m. Bessie Smith Cultural Center, 200 E. Martin Luther King Blvd. (423) 266-8658.

“Kaleidoscope” 10 a.m. The Arts Center, 320 North White St., Athens, TN. (423) 745-8781.

“Water Works” 10 a.m. Exum Gallery, 305 W. 7th St. (423) 593-4265.

“Good for You: Healthy Fun on the Run” 10 a.m. Creative Discovery Museum, 321 Chestnut St. (423) 648-6043.

Doug Stanhope

One of the “Top Ten Comics to Watch” also ran for president in 2008 as a Libertarian.

$25 8 p.m. Thursday, February 17 Lindsay Street Hall, 901 Lindsay St. www.brownpapertickets.com/e/137187

www.chattanoogapulse.com | February 17, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 7 | The Pulse

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OPINION

Life In The ‘Noog

Situation Comedy, Southern Style O

ne of my favorite shows on television is Modern Family. The writing is some of the best since Seinfeld, albeit not as off the wall.

Seinfeld writers, especially Larry David, redefined the situation comedy by placing their lovable, quirky characters in seemingly plausible interwoven scenarios, although the zany serendipity of which might likely never happen—but that’s what makes it entertaining.

Modern Family, on the other hand, highlights the crossrelationships of three families related by blood, but not much else. The patriarch, played by Ed O’Neill from Married With Children fame, is on his second marriage to a voluptuous, spunky Columbian woman with a child from a previous relationship who is wise and worldly way beyond his ten years. Ed’s son is homosexual, with a flamboyant and highly emotional boyfriend and a Chinese baby they adopted. Ed’s daughter is a smart supermom with a geeky husband trying desperately to hang on to whatever cool he had when they met, and three kids in their ’tweens.

Each week, the three families deal with their own unique, completely believable situations as well as the added dynamic of the big-picture trials and tribulations of their extended family. Like Seinfeld, the very nature of the show lends itself to brilliant situations for potential humor as long as the writing is spot on. Thankfully, it is.

The only problem with these and most other sitcoms on television nowadays is that, while extremely relatable to those living in more progressive metropolitan areas where the shows are set, the translation down South is reserved for those folks around here who truly “get it.” Now, the South is not without representation in Hollywood. Shows like The Dukes of Hazzard, My Name Is Earl and even King

of the Hill do a pretty good job of exploiting Southern quirkiness without a whole lot of patronizing in the process (seriously, look around). However, even these shows don’t truly do justice to the daily lives of we who live literally 30 miles from where Deliverance was filmed.

So I’ve come up with my own southern “family-style” situationcomedy show plot idea and characters. You might say some of my background was “ripped from the headlines” as real-life stories on local police blotters have helped fuel my premise. So here goes.

Papaw, the family patriarch, started working at a gravel plant when he was 17, but now is proudly retired at age 49 cause he’s on permanent disability from all that rock dust he inhaled over the years. His hobbies include constructing famous landmarks out of empty beer cans and collecting Elvis memorabilia. His wife, Betty, cooks three meals a day in an iron skillet between shifts as a cashier at Walmart conversing with the crazies (i.e. their neighbors). They’ve got three kids, “T” (short for Toby), Tracy (boy) and Jolene (named after Betty’s favorite Dolly Parton song).

Now “T,” after quitting high school because he’d already bought himself a Mustang GT (so what else was there to work for), figured out real quick that you can make beaucoup of foldin’ money cookin’ meth in Me-maw’s basement. His weekly activities include high-speed chases for no particular reason except that his car goes fast, target practice on milk jugs and stints in the county lock-up seeing what he might be able to trade for a cigarette. His catch phrases include “damn straight,” “been there done that,” and “that’s what I’m talkin’ about.”

Tracy, the good son, is married to his high-school sweetheart Ginger, who weighs the same as a respectable

Chuck Crowder

Sumo “wrastler,” and has three kids—one of which may or may not be his. We find these two constantly tradin’ simply priceless one-liners such as “that beer ain’t got laygs, get it yersef,” “go tell yer mama to go to hell,” and “I’m liable to put the wheels back on this house and run oft.”

But the real show-stealer is Jolene, currently on the run from the law because she and her boyfriend Bobby-Keith lured some rich dude wanting to “get him some of that” down to the river, tied him up and stole his wallet and realnice Delta ’88. Their super-hilarious exploits find them going on shopping sprees at flea markets, counterfeiting winning scratch-off lottery tickets and shuffling between roadside motels in “big cities” like Dunlap, Scottsboro and Ringgold. Their perpetual storyline now is to find them one of those Jersey Shore juiceheads, steal all of their money and settle down for good in Daytona, close to the beach and home to the finest circular road race in the world.

“These shows don’t truly do justice to the daily lives of we who live literally 30 miles from where Deliverance was filmed.”

There you have it—Southern hilarity at its best, and most importantly—reality in its purist form. They say the most important element of turning a potentially good show into a great show is the quality of the writing. Thankfully my show, Dixie Dynamos, writes itself, each and every day. Just read the police blotters like I do and you’ll never have to warm up the flat screen again.

Chuck Crowder is a local writer and general man about town. His opinions are just that. Everything expressed is loosely based on fact, and crap he hears people talking about. Take what you just read with a grain of salt, but pepper it in your thoughts. And be sure to check out his popular website at www.thenoog.com

www.chattanoogapulse.com | February 17, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 7 | The Pulse

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SCREEN

Film Feature

The Eagle Has Crash Landed

By John DeVore, Pulse Film Critic

T

he great thing about historical fiction is that the details are largely worked out beforehand. There is a challenge when fitting the story within certain events and crafting the characters within correct sociological and cultural contexts; however, research often leads to new ideas, directions for plot movement, and scene setting that isn’t found in other types of fiction. The farther back in history the story is set, the more license the storyteller has in crafting the tale, as concrete details have been lost. Ancient tales make for easy writing, since most people simply won’t know which parts are completely made up. This is the case in The Eagle. It is a period piece in name only; the backdrop of Britain during the Roman Empire is set dressing only, meant to carry a dull story to its simple, hackneyed conclusion.

Channing Tatum pretends to be an actor playing Marcus Flavia Aquila, a recently appointed leader of a Roman legion based in Britain. No one requests to go to Britain; Marcus is seeking to restore the honor lost by his father, the commander of the fabled Ninth Spanish Legion that disappeared north of Hadrian’s Wall around 117 A.D.

as his own. Esca does the honorable thing and pledges a life debt to Marcus, despite the fact that the Romans have conquered and occupied his country, murdered his father, and enslaved him. (“Honor” is nonsensically tossed around a lot in this film.) Marcus ultimately decides to cross the wall into northern Britain in order to find an artifact lost by the Ninth, a golden eagle with some unexplained significance. In a decision Custer might have found questionable, Marcus decides to take the slave that hates him and everything he stands for with him as a guide, alone, in a country full of angry wild men.

Silly plot points aside, this film could have been saved by decent acting. Channing Tatum has the range of a Calvin Klein underwear model, as evidenced by his stellar previous work in G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra and Step Up. Donald Sutherland is capable, but one of those actors who will apparently be in anything. Here, he clearly phones in the performance, but it appears the script must have included a cell-phone plan. The rest of the cast may as well have been extras. Jamie Bell repeats his lines faithfully, attempting and failing to give them any emotional weight. But when his character is simultaneously angry with his captors and faithful to his master any attempt at portraying a real person evaporates, so his failure is slightly understandable.

If there is anything good about this film, it is found in the depiction of the British people outside of the action of the story. As I mentioned, all of the British speak Gaelic. While

“In a decision Custer might have found questionable, Marcus decides to take the slave that hates him and everything he stands for with him as a guide, alone, in a country full of angry wild men.”

During a raid by the British locals, who all speak Gaelic despite being in the wrong part of the country, Marcus is injured and shipped further south, to his Uncle Aquila (Donald Sutherland). He is given a commendation for heroism and relieved of command. Later, Marcus saves the life of a slave, a native Briton named Esca (Jamie Bell), and acquires him

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The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 7 | February 17, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

this is historically inaccurate by several hundred years, at least the director got one of the languages right. There is little known about the people living in the British Isles during this time period. The Eagle does an interesting job of attempting to recreate what life there might have been like. Sparse landscapes lend themselves to the isolated existence of people and the film does a good job of showing how uninhabited the Highlands were. The Seal People living on the coast have a Native American feel to them, with animalistic religious beliefs based around nature. The film should have focused on this aspect. The Britons are vastly more interesting.

At this point, I don’t know how many more films can be made starring Romans with American accents. Surely the genre will exhaust itself soon. However, if we are going to be subjected to historical Roman action movies, I would prefer better actors. If the budget can’t command them, the project should be rethought. A $7 matinee price is far too much to pay for actors that don’t deserve top billing in a high-school production of Our Town.

The Eagle Directed by Kevin Mcdonald Starring Channing Tatum, Donald Sutherland, Jamie Bell Rated R Running time: 1 hour, 54 minutes

SCREEN

New In Theaters

I Am Not A Number, I Am A Tabloid Story

By Kelly Lockhart, Pulse Film Reviewer

I Am Number Four Nine alien teens come to Earth after their planet is destroyed by an enemy species. But they soon discover that their enemy is now after them on Earth: a fairly simple sci-fi premise that ended up being entertainment news and tabloid fodder well in excess of what producers ever expected. The reason is simple: the people in front of and behind the cameras have all become buzzworthy (both good and bad) for a variety of reasons. From disgraced memoirist James Frey, who co-wrote the source material, and newly bankable director D.J. Caruso to the Smallville acting duo of Alfred Gough and Miles Millar, the emergence of Glee star Dianna Agron, and the “this is his last chance to make a breakthrough” casting of Alex Pettyfer, I Am Number Four has as much intrigue going on outside the theater as inside. Whether audiences will be able to ignore all the real-world chatter and suspend their disbelief (what every sci-fi flick has to contend with in order to be successful) remains to be scene, but early reviews give the film a nice positive buzz. And let’s not forget

the growing strength of Timothy Olyphant, who continues to build a solid reputation as one of Hollywood’s newer leading men.

Starring Alex Pettyfer, Timothy Olyphant Directed by D.J. Caruso Unknown Dr. Martin Harris awakens from a coma, only to discover that someone has taken on his identity and that no one—not even his wife— believes him. With the help of a young woman, he sets out to prove who he is. In many ways, Liam Neeson changed this career path when he stunned both critics and studio execs with the financial and critical success of the taut actionthriller Taken. In Unknown, he returns to similar territory—albeit with a much more sciencefiction twist—and is helped tremendously by being paired with Diane Kruger, who holds her own and more against the brooding presence Neeson brings to the role of a literally forgotten man. Add in a promising director poised for a breakthrough and a script written by one of the hottest screenwriting duos in Hollywood, Oliver Butcher and Stephen Cornwell,

and it would not be surprising to see Unknown come close to replicating the success of Taken.

Starring Liam Neeson, Diane Kruger Directed by Jaume Collet-Serra Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son FBI agent Malcolm Turner and his nephew Trent go undercover at an all-girls performing arts school after Trent witnesses a murder. On the surface, this is another one of those “why” movies. As in, “Why do studios continue to greenlight movies like this?” and “Why do studios still think Martin Lawrence is a bankable movie star?” Well, the truth is that Lawrence has been having a bit of a career renaissance. He just finished a successful standup comedy tour, and is prepping for a second reunion with Will Smith in Bad Boys 3. And the fact is, whether you want to admit it or not, a sizeable number of filmgoers really do enjoy seeing a man dress up as a large woman and berate clueless villains while trying not to flirt too obviously with comely young women.

Starring Martin Lawrence, Brandon T. Jackson Directed by John Whitesell

www.chattanoogapulse.com | February 17, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 7 | The Pulse

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WINE & SPIRITS

Riley's Spirits Within

Give Us This Day Our Daily Red

By Joshua Hurley, Riley's Wine & Spirits Last week, we visited a winery in Argentina to learn the benefits of organically grown grapes and to introduce the first of three organic Great Buys.

This week, we stop in California where organic farming is certainly nothing new at Orleans Hill Winery, the makers of Our Daily Red. Great Buys are included in this weekly column, brought to you by the folks at Riley’s Wine and Spirits in Hixson on Hixson Pike, Chattanooga’s favorite wine and spirits store.

California’s wine industry began between the years of 1769 and 1823 when Franciscan monks trekked through the state from the south to the north planting seedlings and building missions.

But the state’s wine growing wasn’t anything special until three men changed it forever in the mid1960s. Those men were Joe Heitz, who built Heitz Cellars in 1964, Richard Graff who built Chalone Vineyard in 1965, and Robert Modavi who built Modavi Winery in 1966—all of whose wines soon began to receive attention worldwide from enthusiasts and connoisseurs. The state’s prime growing area and probably the most popular growing area in the world is the Napa Valley, located on the coast

just north of San Francisco. Other notable growing areas are Sonoma, Mendocino and Chalk Hill, also located on the coast, which provides both a cooling breeze from the ocean and the necessary rainfall for healthy grape growth.

Orleans Hill, a winery located in American Canyon, has been making wine for 30 years with the organic variety accounting for 20 of those years. With distribution in 43 states, it’s safe to assume that their Our Daily Red is probably the country’s most popular organic red wine. Our Daily Red is distinctive in that it is made by using both phases of organic wine productions, making it 100 percent organic.

The first phase, also known as the vineyard phase, ensures that absolutely no artificial fertilizers, pesticides, fungicides and herbicides were employed to the vineyard. Such chemicals spoil the soil and the vine by introducing carcinogenic components into the fruit, then into the wine. The second phase consists of production and preservation or fermentation and bottling. Most wines are produced in a way that allows them to last, sometimes for decades, by the addition of sulfur dioxide. In order to receive the coveted true “organic stamp”, the wine must have no sulfites added when bottled. Our Daily Red has less than 10 parts per million, which are all

naturall y o c curring and not detected upon bottling.

Our Daily Red 2009 is a blended red wine made from three different organically grown California grapes, carignan and syrah from Fresno and cabernet sauvignon from Mendocino. Each distinctive varietal brings its own set of flavors that just add to this wine’s carnival of taste: intense black cherries from the cabernet sauvignon, likewise intensity from the syrah grapes adding raspberry flavors, with the carignan varietal adding a touch of spice— perfectly rounding out this excellent organic blend.

Our Daily Red is 100 percent cellarable and could benefit greatly from up to three years aging, which would add complexity to its honest fruity flavors.

Our Daily Red is available at Riley’s for $8.49 plus tax! Cheers!

www.chattanoogapulse.com | February 17, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 7 | The Pulse

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Solution To Last Week's Crossword

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The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 7 | February 17, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

ENTERTAINMENT

Jonesin' Crossword & Rob Brezsny's Free Will Astrology AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Don’t put your shoes on before you put on your socks this week, OK? Refrain from polishing off a piece of cheesecake and a bowl of ice cream before dinner, and don’t say goodbye whenever you arrive at a new destination. Catch my drift, Aquarius? Do things in the proper order, not just while engaged in the fundamental tasks of your daily rhythm, but also in the long-term processes you’re carrying out. Each step in the sequence needs to prepare the way for the next step. Keep a clear vision of the organizing principle that informs your work.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Many people know John Mellenkamp’s song “This Is Our Country” because it was used in a commercial for Chevy Silverado trucks. But if they’ve only heard it that way, they may be under a mistaken impression about its meaning. The ad quotes just a fraction of the lyrics, including “So let the voice of freedom / Sing out through this land / This is our country.” What the ad doesn’t include are other lines like “And poverty could be just another ugly thing / And bigotry would be seen only as obscene / And the ones that run this land / Help the poor and common man.” Let this serve as a cautionary tale for you, Pisces. Make sure you get the rest of every story—not just the partial truth, but the whole freaking thing.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): “There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls,” said comedian George Carlin. “There are mornings when your dreams are more real and important than your waking life,” says my favorite dream worker. “There are times when the doctor isn’t feeling well, and only his patient can cure him,” says I. Now it so happens, Aries, that in the upcoming week, your life is likely to pass through an alternate reality where all three of the above conditions will prevail—as well as other similar variants and mutations.

Across 1 History 12 They surfaced in 2010 14 Show with Bill Cosby, with “The” 16 In ___ with 17 “That’s too hot!”

18 Rope trick 19 He voices Peter and Stewie 22 Leather shoes 23 Stage actress Hagen 25 Beluga eggs 26 Tall and thin 27 Like a ship without ___ 29 Person that owns the rights to an invention 31 “Sprechen ___ Deutsch?”

32 Of a natural religion movement 34 Many mins.

35 Gland about the size of a walnut

37 Sidewalk eateries 39 ___ a slow start 40 Acronym associated with the Nissan Leaf 42 Org. with a “Leading to Reading” program 43 Handleable 44 Take ___ view of 46 Part of DINK 49 Takes a tumble 51 Group of eight, alternately 53 Spine 57 Imperial soldiers of film 58 Wakes up in the middle of the night, perhaps

5 Ruler on a roll?

6 Gp. now chaired by Reince Priebus 7 Letters associated with Einstein 8 AFL’s labor partner 9 Stuff ___ Cat (humorous cat website) 10 1984 Emilio Estevez flick 11 Eat seed corn 12 Family 13 Bar in a brown wrapper 14 1992 AL Cy Young winner Dennis’s nickname 15 Emphatic response 20 Tournament favorite 21 James’s team 24 ___ Families With Dependent Children 26 Words prominently seen on a Renault 5 27 Expedia figures 28 Broadway actress

Salonga 30 Nervous movement 31 Commercials, in adspeak 33 Chichen ___ (Mayan ruins) 36 British sitcom character that inspired Fred Sanford 38 “Adeste ___” 41 Old prefix before “cello” 45 “Solid Gold” host Marilyn 47 Dispensers introduced in 1969 48 Spy novelist Deighton 50 Word repeated after “Que” 52 Pith helmet 54 Daily-energy-atrest figure: abbr.

55 ACLU topics: abbr.

56 Football coach Parseghian

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Hua Chi, a Buddhist monk in China, takes his devotions very seriously. For the last two decades he has performed as many as 3,000 prayers every single day in the same exact spot at his temple. Part of me admires his profound commitment, while part of me is appalled at his insane addiction to habit. It’s great that he loves his spiritual work so deeply, but sad that he can’t bring more imagination and playfulness to his efforts. I bring this up, Taurus, because I think it’s a good time, astrologically speaking, for you to take inventory of the good things you do very regularly. See if you can inject more fun and inventiveness into them.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): “To the scientist there is the joy in pursuing truth which nearly counteracts the depressing revelations of truth,” said science-fiction writer H. P. Lovecraft. The clear implication of this statement is that there’s always a sense of loss that comes with discovering the way things really are. I protest this perspective. I boycott it. As proof that it’s at least partially wrong, I offer up the evidence provided by your life in the days ahead. From what I can tell, the gratification that you feel while hunting down the truth will be substantial, and yet it will ultimately seem rather mild compared to the bliss that arrives when you find what you’re looking for.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): People listen when Eric Schmidt speaks. He’s the CEO of Google, a company that Down has major power in shaping the future of information. In 1 1905 Edith Wharton recent months he has been riffing on the disappearance of privacy. Because our lives are becoming interwoven with novel the Internet, he believes it will become increasingly hard 2 Lasagna layer to keep any secrets. “If you have something that you don’t 3 She can reach pretty want anyone to know,” he says, “maybe you shouldn’t be low doing it in the first place.” This is especially true for you 4 Altoids rival right now, Cancerian. In the coming weeks, I encourage you to maintain the highest standards of ethical behavior.

Crossword created By Matt Jones. © 2011 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle #0507. The lucky thing about this situation is that news of the good

deeds you do and smart moves you make are also likely to circulate far and wide.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Six years ago, a friend of mine came to believe she had died in a previous incarnation by being thrown off a horse. From that time on, she felt stuck.

She became convinced that her life energy would remain in a state of suspended animation until she learned to feel comfortable on a horse. Fear kept her from even attempting that for a long time, but recently she got up the courage to begin. Her efforts were bumpy at first, but rapidly improved. As she gained confidence as a rider, every other aspect of her life bloomed, too—just as she’d suspected. I think her experience could be useful for you to learn from in the coming months, Leo. What’s your biggest, oldest fear? Is there anything you could do to start dissolving it?

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): “I’m not confused,” said poet Robert Frost. “I’m just well mixed.” I would love that to be your motto in the coming weeks. You’re entering a phase of your cycle when you should be extra curious about blending ingredients in new combinations. In fact, I’ll go so far as to say that the cosmos will respond enthusiastically if you take steps to make yourself the embodiment of lush diversity. Celebrate complexity, Virgo! You will generate unexpected strokes of good fortune by experimenting with medleys and syntheses that appeal to the jaunty parts of your imagination.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): In addition to their standard offerings, the yoga teachers at Atlanta’s Tough Love Yoga center (toughloveyoga.com) sometimes offer exotic variations. During their “Metal Yoga” classes, for instance, the soundtrack for their stretching and breathing exercises is heavy metal music. Here’s their promise: “Melt your face off in a very relaxing, healing way.” That’s the spirit I’d like to see you bring to your life in the coming week: vehemently intense but tenderly curative; wickedly fierce but brilliantly rejuvenating.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): I would love to see you play with your food this week. And draw pictures on walls. And have conversations with winking statues and talking trees and magic toasters. I’ll be thrilled, Scorpio, if you watch cartoons about furry animals outwitting maniacal robots and if you entertain fantasies of yourself pushing a cream pie in the face of an obnoxious authority figure. But given how dignified and discreet you tend to be, I realize the chances of any of this actually happening are miniscule.

Can I at least coax you into hopping, skipping, and dancing around a lot when no one’s watching?

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): “Better keep yourself clean and bright,” said George Bernard Shaw. “You are the window through which you must see the world.” Take that advice to heart, Sagittarius. This is an excellent time for you to do any necessary work to get yourself cleaner and brighter. I’m not at all implying that you’re a dusty, greasy mess. But like all of us, there’s a continuous build-up of foreign matter that distorts the view and that must be periodically washed away. If you do it now, your work will be extra smart and effective.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): The state of Wisconsin is famous for its cheese, so it wasn’t a big surprise when its state legislature decided to honor the bacterium that’s essential in making cheddar, Monterey Jack, and Colby cheese. So as of last year, Lactococcus lactis is the official state microbe. I would love to see you decide upon your own most beloved microbe sometime soon, Capricorn.

How about naming Ruminococcus or Peptococcus as your personal favorite among all of your gut flora? It’s that time of year when it makes cosmic sense to acknowledge and appreciate all of the small and hard-to-see things that keep you thriving.

www.chattanoogapulse.com | February 17, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 7 | The Pulse

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OPINION

Ask A Mexican

The Fine Art of Saying Hello Dear Mexican, I’m a white, rural, ninth-generation Texan who left the farm and is now a lawyer for a large corporation in one of the largest cities in the state. Maybe a quarter of the clients they assign me speak Spanish, so the company’s paying for me to learn Spanish. I’m glad, not only for work-related reasons, but also because I just moved into a neighborhood close to the heart of the city, and 85 percent of the residents in my zip code speak Spanish. I love this neighborhood.

Only a few blocks from me are little tiendas, pupuserías, taquerías, botánicas, and mercados; all the people who work there are so nice, and all of their products are of excellent quality and price. When I enter the stores, I’m usually the only white guy in the place, and everyone’s speaking Spanish to each other.

When I come in, or also, when I’m walking around the neighborhood and see my neighbors, how should I greet Spanish speakers? I worry that, since I don’t know Spanish, if I say, “Hola,” and can’t follow it up with a basic conversation in Spanish, I’ll come across as patronizing. And I feel like if I walk up to the counter at the tienda and say, “Hi! How are y’all?” to the clerk and his wife who are talking in Spanish to each other, I’ll come across as one of those gringos who wants everyone to speak English to him. Which is more appropriate? I’m hoping to be conversational in Spanish soon (I’m a month into my course and am progressing nicely), so when I reach that point, would that change your answer?

— Abogado Blanco

lengua, greet Mexicans formally by the time of day: buenos días for morning until the early afternoon, buenas tardes for the afternoon until the beginning of the sunset, and buenas noches for nighttime.

Doing that will show any wab that you are polite and that you’ve made enough effort to learn Spanish linguistic formalities beyond the tú/ usted divide.

Indeed, it’s those little touches that help us Mexis determine whether the new gabacho in the barrio is a good neighbor that we can invite over for carne asada Sundays and marry off our brainy daughters to, or some patronizing hipster looking to gentrify us out of existence.

Gustavo Arellano

Dear White Lawyer, You can be as unknowing in Spanish as the host of the BBC’s Top Gear or fully conversant in all of Cervantes’ works, and my answer would be the same: ditch the hola.

To not come off as patronizing, to appear at the very least down with la raza and at best someone willing to learn the

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Dear Mexican, Tell me one thing Mexicans are good for?

— Mexicans are Fat, Ugly, and Disgusting Dear Gabacho, Showing the world the irrational insecurity of gabachos!

“You can be as unknowing in Spanish as the host of the BBC’s Top Gear or fully conversant in all of Cervantes’ works, and my answer would be the same: ditch the hola.”

Dear Mexican, Why do McDonald's game pieces now come in English AND Spanish? I'm not sure if I'm more insulted as a Mexican to be targeted as eating at McDonald's regularly enough to have the text translated for my people—or if I'm more irritated that something so innocuous and American as McDonald's products need a second-language translation.

— Mexican Muchacha in Maui Dear Wab, Wow, I didn't know burros swam that far. Kidding aside, you're a pendeja. First off, there is nothing innocuous or American about McDonald's. The chain's longtime owner Ray Kroc was a ruthless master of business who infamously stated, "If my competitor were drowning I'd stick a hose in his mouth and turn on the water." And that's why you have no reason to take offense if McDonald's prints game pieces

The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 7 | February 17, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

in Spanish. Chula: McDonald's would paint Grimace in blackface if it could earn them a couple more bucks.

GOOD MEXICAN OF THE WEEK: John Boessenecker isn’t a Mexican, but the subject of his latest masterpiece is.

The San Francisco lawyer has a hobby of penning great books about the turbulent early years of California, a time when gabachos invaded Mexican territory, married Mexican women, then proceeded to rip off the native families at every possible turn, provoking said Mexicans to turn Robin Hood and defend la raza against capricious gringo invaders—or, at least that’s the story told in Chicano Studies. Boessenecker tackles one of those folk heroes in Bandido: The Life and Times of Tiburcio Vasquez. Using sparse, descriptive prose and combing through hundreds of newspapers, letters, and archives, Boessenecker reconstructs Vasquez’s life and shows that the reality of the man is somewhere between the romanticized legend and the murderer he was. Essential reading for lovers of history, of the West, and for understanding why Mexicans in California are always encabronados.

Have a question? Ask the Mexican at themexican@askamexican. net, be his fan on Facebook, follow him on Twitter or ask him a video question at youtube.com/askamexicano!

www.chattanoogapulse.com | February 17, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 7 | The Pulse

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