How to Save Your Marriage
When Your Wife Doesn’t Love You Anymore
Brian Mulipah
NOT FOR RESALE. Please pass it on to others without any modifications, for free. Copyright: Brian Mulipah www.UnbreakYourMarriage.Blogspot.com
Other Books by Brian Mulipah
How To Save Your Marriage When Your Husband Doesn’t Love You Anymore
Unbreak Your Marriage: Reconnect Your Relationship In 31 Days – Women’s Guide
Unbreak Your Marriage: Reconnect Your Relationship In 31 Days – Men’s Guide
French Versions
Réparez Votre Mariage : Restaurez Votre Mariage En 31 Jours – Classeur
Réparez Votre Mariage : Rétablissez Votre Relation En 31 jours - Le Guide De Femmes
NOT FOR RESALE. Please pass it on to others without any modifications, for free. Copyright: Brian Mulipah www.UnbreakYourMarriage.Blogspot.com
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NOT FOR RESALE. Please pass it on to others without any modifications, for free. Copyright: Brian Mulipah www.UnbreakYourMarriage.Blogspot.com
Introduction
“I don’t love you anymore”, “I love you, but I am not in love with you”, “You are a good person, you have done nothing wrong, I just need to move on”. Sounds familiar?
‘What To Do When Your Wife Doesn’t Love You Anymore’ contains seven simple things that you can do right now if your husband has told you that he doesn’t love you anymore. Please note that this very book is an extract from “Unbreak Your Marriage: Reconnect Your Relationship In 31 Days – Men’s Guide”, a more comprehensive guide to saving and improving your marital relationship. While this book contains a true story of a man and a woman of whom I worked with, names of places have been intentionally skipped while actual names of people were changed, to protect their privacy. . This book is an extract from “Unbreak Your Marriage: Reconnect Your Relationship In 31 Days – Men’s Guide”, a more comprehensive guide to saving and improving your marital relationship. For extra help in saving and or improving your marital relationship, please visit: www.UnbreakYourMarriage.Blogspot.com or email Brian on BrianMulipah@gmail.com
NOT FOR RESALE. Please pass it on to others without any modifications, for free. Copyright: Brian Mulipah www.UnbreakYourMarriage.Blogspot.com
Disclaimer
This publication contains the opinions and ideas of its author. It is intended to provide helpful and informative material on the subjects addressed. The strategies outlined in this book may not be suitable for every individual, and are not guaranteed or warranted to produce any particular results. This book is NOT the answer to divorce, marriage or relationship challenges. This book is sold with the understanding that neither the author nor the publisher is engaged in rendering marital, legal, financial, accounting, or other professional advice or services. The reader should consult a competent professional before adopting any of the suggestions in this book or drawing inferences from it. No warranty is made with respect to the accuracy or completeness of the information or referenced contained herein, and both the authors and the publisher specifically disclaim any responsibility for any liability, loss or risk, personal or otherwise, which is incurred as a consequence, directly or indirectly, of the use and application of any of the contents of this book.
NOT FOR RESALE. Please pass it on to others without any modifications, for free. Copyright: Brian Mulipah www.UnbreakYourMarriage.Blogspot.com
Contents
Introduction David’s Story How To Respond Thank You Other Books By Brian Mulipah About The Author
NOT FOR RESALE. Please pass it on to others without any modifications, for free. Copyright: Brian Mulipah www.UnbreakYourMarriage.Blogspot.com
My Wife Says She Doesn’t Love Me Anymore
David’s Story
“A few weeks ago, my wife presented me with the news that our marriage is over. She said she doesn’t love me anymore, she is sick and tired of me and it is over. She said there is nothing I could do to save the marriage or change her mind. She told me to move on just as she has already moved on. She has not yet left the house, but will be leaving anytime soon. She lost her job a year ago and has not had any luck finding one. However, she plans to go back to her mother’s house soon.
I am so devastated by her actions and don’t know what to do. We have two children together and she is not at all involved in their lives or anything in our family. I am wondering if there is any hope left for the marriage or should I start preparing for the divorce?”
Many spouses (both male and female), just like David, find themselves either being presented with or being the ones to present this kind of breaking news to their partner, but their stories do not always end the same. Whether you are the one presenting or receiving this news, your response has the power to either save or destroy the marriage. This can become an end to a marriage or it can be a beginning of a new healthy era of that same marriage.
NOT FOR RESALE. Please pass it on to others without any modifications, for free. Copyright: Brian Mulipah www.UnbreakYourMarriage.Blogspot.com
How to respond
The course that will lead to the end of your marriage is obvious, but if you would like to save your marriage, here is a strategy that you can use in response to that devastating news.
Though devastating and saddening, being told that, “I don’t love you anymore, it is over” rarely comes as a total surprise. This usually follows a series of stressful times you have been experiencing in your marriage. So, your response in these stressful and painful times is very crucial and it has the power to stir your marriage in either direction.
NOT FOR RESALE. Please pass it on to others without any modifications, for free. Copyright: Brian Mulipah www.UnbreakYourMarriage.Blogspot.com
#1.
Stay Calm
Be like the duck on the pond, calm on the surface but beneath the water the feet are spinning a mile a minute, turning tides. This is not to suppress your feelings forever and abuse yourself but to be the one to defuse an about-to-blow-up time bomb.
NOT FOR RESALE. Please pass it on to others without any modifications, for free. Copyright: Brian Mulipah www.UnbreakYourMarriage.Blogspot.com
#2.
Do not try to reason, argue or talk sense into her
You cannot make your wife change her feelings towards you for the better by winning an argument or speaking some sense into her head.
Sometime ago while I was surfing the internet, I received a message from a friend on Facebook. He asked me to help him evaluate his new website for him and I gladly accepted. Upon clicking the link that he sent me, the screen of my laptop turned grey and there appeared a blue box written in some code and then a red lightning shaped picture with the words Orange Worm appeared. I had just downloaded a virus to my laptop. I was horrified! What on earth was this? What had I done to deserve being attacked like that? When I am on Facebook, I never rant or fight with anyone. I try to connect and be helpful and that’s it!
I had to spend the whole weekend without a laptop and this meant not working and also losing possible income that came from independent writing projects that I used to coordinate. On the following Monday morning, I took the laptop to a computer doctor who said he could fix the problem, and charged me $50 for the service. My laptop was fixed within three hours but many of my important work files had been deleted in the process.
This incident really got me mad and suspicious of people that I was friends with on Facebook, but had never actually met.
I went back home and connected my laptop to the internet and started work again. I swore, I would never be friends or chat with strangers on the internet again. Later on that same day, I logged onto Facebook and started chatting with a few friends. I told some of them what had happened to me and we all joked about it and discussed about setting security systems and being careful on the internet.
NOT FOR RESALE. Please pass it on to others without any modifications, for free. Copyright: Brian Mulipah www.UnbreakYourMarriage.Blogspot.com
Looking back, I see that on the same day that I swore I would never chat with anyone that I have never met again, I went on to chat with Facebook friends that I had never met. I was even the one that started the conversation! What happened? And what does this have to do with saving your marriage?
When your spouse says she does not love you anymore, it does not mean this is the end of it all. This is how she feels right now and probably for the next days, but this does not translate to the future of the marriage. When I swore that I would never chat with Facebook friends that I had never met, I meant it, but that statement was said while processing my emotions. That was my emotional state.
What helped me was the validation I received from my friends on Facebook. They listened and understood my frustrations and where I was emotionally. Where you or your wife is emotionally today is not permanent. Feelings and mental states change. Accept and recognize her feelings. Her feelings and statements are merely a sign of how she thinks and feels at the moment - not necessarily a permanent decision of the future, even though she may think and even say so.
Just like when I swore that I would never connect or chat with strangers on Facebook again, I was not looking for someone to talk sense to me or tell me why or how I was wrong. All I needed was to be heard and understood. I was angry and I needed validation. Arguments and your esteemed reasoning can and will most probably push both of you into defensive modes, making things worse.
NOT FOR RESALE. Please pass it on to others without any modifications, for free. Copyright: Brian Mulipah www.UnbreakYourMarriage.Blogspot.com
#3.
Accept and love her unconditionally
Love and security are of paramount importance to your wife and in fact, love, security and acceptance are the same thing in your wife’s world. Do not make your love for her depend on what she says or how you feel about her actions.
The definition of joy, according to Ed. Khouri is, “when someone is glad to be with me.” At this time, it is important that she feels loved and accepted and that you are glad to be with her no matter what her feelings and thoughts are. Without using any words, communicate that you are glad to be with her. Show it in your actions, expressions and attitude.
NOT FOR RESALE. Please pass it on to others without any modifications, for free. Copyright: Brian Mulipah www.UnbreakYourMarriage.Blogspot.com
#4.
Accept what is being said
Accepting her feelings is not necessarily agreeing with statements about the future or where the marriage is heading. You are accepting her as an emotional being who is simply expressing how she feels.
NOT FOR RESALE. Please pass it on to others without any modifications, for free. Copyright: Brian Mulipah www.UnbreakYourMarriage.Blogspot.com
#5.
Reconnect with her
Unless there is physical violence or any form of danger in your marriage, of which I would recommend that you seek to protect and save your life, reconnecting with your wife is crucial to the stability of your marriage, but how you do it can either attract or repel her.
i.
Listen to her when she needs to vent.
ii.
Validate her feelings and processing
iii.
Learn how your spouse feels loved. If you don’t already know, you could ask her how she feels loved.
iv.
Have lots of sex. Sex is known to be useful at lowering stress and for men particularly, it speaks a language of acceptance, respect and love.
v.
Avoid talking about work, children or other people. Talk about you or your favorite movie. Just have fun.
vi.
Be fully engaged in your conversations. Avoid texting, tweeting or Facebooking while you are together.
NOT FOR RESALE. Please pass it on to others without any modifications, for free. Copyright: Brian Mulipah www.UnbreakYourMarriage.Blogspot.com
#6.
Know the condition of your heart
If you are hurting, angry, depressed or sad, you need to acknowledge this. If you need help, find help. You could seek counseling from a professional or a friend but it is recommended that you avoid becoming connected or sharing the turmoil of your marriage with a friend of the opposite sex. It has the potential of derailing the healing progress of your marriage. It would be helpful to even tell your wife of any help that you are getting and from whom.
NOT FOR RESALE. Please pass it on to others without any modifications, for free. Copyright: Brian Mulipah www.UnbreakYourMarriage.Blogspot.com
#7.
Be patient
Don’t expect to wake up to a brand new marriage tomorrow morning. Healing and recovery in any relationship usually takes time. Just as falling out of love usually happens slowly through a process of events and relationship changes, falling back into love usually takes the same route. The feelings will catch up with you as you live forward.
This book is an extract from “Unbreak Your Marriage: Reconnect Your Relationship In 31 Days – Men’s Guide”, a more comprehensive guide to saving and improving your marital relationship. For extra help in saving and or improving your marital relationship, please visit: www.UnbreakYourMarriage.Blogspot.com or email Brian on BrianMulipah@gmail.com
NOT FOR RESALE. Please pass it on to others without any modifications, for free. Copyright: Brian Mulipah www.UnbreakYourMarriage.Blogspot.com
Thank You
Thank you for taking the time to read Brian Mulipah’s How to Save Your Marriage When Your Wife Doesn’t Love You Anymore. If you enjoyed it, please consider telling your friends
NOT FOR RESALE. Please pass it on to others without any modifications, for free. Copyright: Brian Mulipah www.UnbreakYourMarriage.Blogspot.com
Other Books by Brian Mulipah
How To Save Your Marriage When Your Husband Doesn’t Love You Anymore
Unbreak Your Marriage: Reconnect Your Relationship In 31 Days – Women’s Guide
Unbreak Your Marriage: Reconnect Your Relationship In 31 Days – Men’s Guide
French Versions
Réparez Votre Mariage : Restaurez Votre Mariage En 31 Jours – Classeur
Réparez Votre Mariage : Rétablissez Votre Relation En 31 jours - Le Guide De Femmes
NOT FOR RESALE. Please pass it on to others without any modifications, for free. Copyright: Brian Mulipah www.UnbreakYourMarriage.Blogspot.com
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Brian helps individuals, couples and teams who are hurting, disappointed and abused to find healing, freedom and purpose so that they can live fulfilling, joyful, significant and productive lives. Since the onset of his recovery from alcohol addiction on Saturday January 12, 2002 at 5pm, it has been Brian’s ongoing mission to help people who are caught up in the web of shame, loneliness, anger, fear, guilt, grief and generational traits of self-defeating lifestyles to achieve freedom and better lives. Brian is also the author of ‘Unbreak Your Marriage: Reconnect Your Relationship In 31 Days – Men’s Guide’, ‘Unbreak Your Marriage: Reconnect Your Relationship In 31 Days – Women’s Guide’ and an Intervention Specialist who works in areas of Relationship Intervention and Addictive Behavior Counseling. Brian serves full time with a missions based organization called Youth With A Mission (YWAM). Yes, he is a missionary. Brian is committed to helping others discover freedom from selfdefeating lifestyles, to finding lives of meaning and endless possibilities.
NOT FOR RESALE. Please pass it on to others without any modifications, for free. Copyright: Brian Mulipah www.UnbreakYourMarriage.Blogspot.com