O O D M
i feel ok
today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok
today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok
today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today. i feel okay today. i feel ok today.
k
pretty .
actually.
sun.
actually
mon.
tues.
i’ve
wed.
felt
th
hat
thurs.
way
fri.
sat.
all
week
which is, like,
for me, that’s huge.
and i can feel the s the sky is so blue. a
sun again, and god, and white. and pink.
and yeah, maybe they still don’t like me. maybe I still feel a little lonely. and maybe i’m still a little disappointed in how everything turned out. but i feel ok today.
lol,
a.)
I just wanted someone to notice. I cried so fucking much, I cried to Ruthie, to Eve, to Katrina, to Olivia, to Emilie, to Reilly, I would
crack just a little and then it would come gushing
out, like a broken toy, like smashed fruit.
one said anything after they hugged me.
asked if
But no
They never
I was okay, as if my tears had happened in
the moment but not before not after and there was
nothing behind it.
(My theory that everyone thinks they are the only living person still persists.) But if there was something physical they would notice, it would finally give and finally someone would ask if I was okay, if I was still crying and I would say Yes, YES, YES I AM. I’M STILL CRYING AND BLEEDING. SEE, LOOK RIGHT HERE. b.) Test run. What can you do if you’re screwed enough, if you’re rash enough, if it hurts enough? Can you turn against the gift, your legs that have carried you, your arms that have held you up? c.)
NONE OF THE ABOVE
Let’s just get one thing clear: I don’t want to d dries on windows. I love the color yellow a feeling hard work. I love the feeling of water rush continue living in this body, which I am bending a I don’t want to continue if the rest of the story con
(it’s not I don’t want to live knowing that they don’ wishing I would go away. I don’t want to kee come crashing down, for me to realize that I
Everything is a slight, my mother says. And but if my current thinking isn’t true, the opposite
die. I love the sun and I love the way rain and the sound of ugly laughter. I love the hing underneath me. I very much want to and twisting into one that I can enjoy. But ntinues like this. I don’t want to live if this is all there is. t enough it’s not enough it’s not enough.) ’t like me, they’re laughing at me, they’re ep getting my hopes up just to have them was being stupid and hopeful and never learning. I know I should not be so self-absorbed, e is still a nightmare, that no one notices, no one thinks of me.
but the edges of th .held me up have g and i’m int falling flying or into somet
he world that gone away, to nothingness
thing so sublime
you are coming down with me, hand in unlovable hand
and i felt i was on fire, with the things i could have told you i just assumed that you eventually would ask
i just assumed tha i tj i just assumed
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