Radiant Life - Issue 4 - Preview

RADIANT LIFE DECEMBER

Cultivating a healthy mind, body, and spirit

Todd English “Food defines us,” says the internationally acclaimed chef and restauranteur

An Emotional Toolkit for Family Gatherings Tips and mantras to help you cope with this holiday season’s gatherings

Stress-Free Holidays How to let go of misplaced expectations and trade tension for peace

Per Breiehagen/Stone/Getty Images

Table of Contents

14 Mind & Body 10 Comfort Food and Real Joy

Healthy changes require honesty about what we eat and why. The good news is that awareness makes better choices easier.

14 Conquering Holiday Blues

Many of us find that “merry and bright” turn out to be neither. A range of factors contribute to this, but there are ways to ease the end-of-year season.

18 Retrain Your Brain

With New Year’s resolutions around the corner, here are some tips to boost your resolve, positivity, and success-building patterns.

20 An Energetic Holiday

The winter season can consist of overeating, too much sitting, and stress. To break the cycle, get proactive about your mental and physical energy.

24 Why Cold Weather Causes Colds Cold is stress, and Chinese doctors take it seriously.

28 The Second Pandemic

Meditation and mindfulness offer effective ways to deal with the pandemic’s psychological impacts.

Lifestyle 32 Poinsettia Perfection

This quintessential holiday plant keeps on giving—if you let it.

36 For the Love of Chinoiserie

An Illinois design firm combines a European aesthetic with English-style furnishings for eye-catching interiors.

42 600 Years of Tradition

Austrian wool company Lodenwalker attributes its success to ancient methods, honest work, and a sustainable ethos.

48 Todd English

“I’m a world connoisseur that wants to enjoy the world in a vibrant and ever-flowing way,” says the celebrity chef.

52 In the Footsteps of the Gods

There is no escaping mythology in Greece. It is in the breeze, in the sea. Take a deep, deep breath, choose your destination, and dive right in.

60 Preparing for a Gathering

Our family gatherings are marked by the heart and thought we put into them.

64 ‘Fireside Food for Cold Winter Nights’ Lizzie Kamenetzky’s latest cookbook is a carefully curated collection of her favorite holiday-season dishes, influenced by memories of family trips to the Swiss Alps.

72 Healthy Desserts, No Food Coma Delectable treats are hallmarks of the holidays, but they can look and taste delicious without overloading on unhealthy elements.

76 Recipe: Vin Chaud

A popular traditional winter beverage, French mulled wine is usually made with red wine and various spices.

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Recipe: Marron Glacé

A European confection used in many desserts, candied chestnuts are a treat in and of themselves.

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Recipe: Egg Tarts

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Recipe: Cauliflower Bolognese

This Hong Kong dessert has a tart, flaky pastry shell with a small, lightly sweetened egg custard filling inside.

Tanya Zuckerbrot’s meat-free sauce recipe can be made in under 30 minutes.

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Snowshoeing at Crater Lake Take on winter with the kids, venturing where only expanded footprints can go.

MIND & BODY

Comfort Food and Real Joy Enjoy the true pleasures of the season with 7 gifts for your body and brain

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he holidays can pack on the calories, and sometimes the resulting pounds stay with us the rest of the year. This season, give yourself and your loved ones the gift of improved health through empowering new habits. The value of this gift is immeasurable.

One of the ways to give this gift is through sharing the joy of walking, or some other form of mild exertion. Moderate exercise on a weekly basis can add four years or more to your life. There are endless ways to get this exercise, from shoveling snow to walking the dog. You can also build bits of micro-exercise into your day by parking at the far end of the lot when you go to the mall or taking the stairs at every opportunity. Share this habit with those around you and feel better each time you do.

Another way to give yourself this gift is to dial back on the refined carbohydrates. Sugar and refined grains spike your blood sugar and can take a toll on your mood and energy levels, all while adding inches to your waistline.

Your body is a dual fuel system. It can burn fat or sugar, including carbohydrates, and it’s good to switch it up. Most people run their body on sugar the vast majority of the time, thanks to the ingredients in processed foods, whether those are crackers or cheeseburgers. Even though these foods have plenty of fat as well, it’s the wrong kind of fat, and doesn’t get properly burned when all those sugars are present.

Changing from a sugar-burning metabolism to more of a fat-burning metabolism does what we want to do most when it comes to body composition: it burns off our fat. Reducing the carbohydrate load decreases the amount of the hormone, insulin, that you produce. Keeping insulin levels low also allows your metabolism to kick into a fat-burning state.

You’ll experience fewer food cravings as you reduce the amount of high glycemic carbohydrates and grains in your nutrition plan—and your mood and energy level will become healthier and more stable. Friends and family will ap-

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preciate the change—even better if they join you in this effort. Just tell them that “your energy will increase as you clean up the fuel you put in your tank.”

But make sure you eat healthy fats. And be aware that fat is calorie dense. The Mediterranean diet is considered to be one of the healthiest in the world, thanks to lean proteins, like fish, and healthy fat from olive oil.

This sugar-fat swap will also help you sleep better. Eating sugarplums is not recommended but dreaming about them is OK. Recent studies show that sleep plays an important role in our immune response and metabolic balance, as well as in such critical mental functions as attentiveness, learning, memory, and emotional equilibrium.

All these benefits, and more, are available to you with just a few simple changes. Let’s look closer at the most important healthcare decision we make every day—what’s at the end of our fork.

Is Food Your Comfort and Joy? The best way to make healthy changes in what we eat is not to count calories or obsess over the scale: it’s to examine our relationship with food.

Does food make you feel good? Does it give you joy? If someone were to eliminate “guilty pleasure” foods, would you get angry? If any of these answers is “yes,” you may have an improper relationship with food. It’s one thing to enjoy your food; we all do that. It’s another to seek joy through food. If you do that, it’s called emotional eating, and this driver of disease runs rampant during the holidays.

Making healthy changes requires honesty about what we eat and why we eat it. If we don’t address the root causes of over-indulging, a continual cycle of failure, declining health, and weight gain will result. But there’s good news: being aware of why you eat makes it easier to make better choices. Making better choices, meanwhile, will help you and your family enjoy the holidays even more. Share this effort, and you can jump start the new year with a new approach to eating.

Pablo Merchán Montes/Unsplash

By Michele Sherwood

MIND & BODY

Making healthy changes requires honesty about what we eat and why we eat it.

All illustrations by Shutterstock

7 Ways to Enjoy Healthier Holidays

1. Eliminate SAD Foods

2. Prepare Your Own Meals

1. Eliminate SAD Foods “SAD” stands for the Standard American Diet. Get rid of the boxed or otherwise packaged processed foods that cause weight gain and blood sugar chaos. Here is a list of foods you should eliminate from your fridge, pantry, and table.

Sweet beverages (designer coffees, energy drinks, flavored milks, sweetened teas, soft drinks, and “fruit” drinks) Processed meat (breakfast sausage patties, frozen meals, bologna, ham, hot dogs, jerky, pepperoni, salami)

Processed foods (granola bars, potato chips, frozen meals, snack products, cheap salad dressings) Sweets (candy, cake, chocolate syrup, cookies, donuts, ice cream, pie, and you know the rest) A quick point on sweets: They have no nutritional benefit. They are nutrient void and cause an immense release of insulin.

Insulin and vitamin C compete for the receptor sites on the immune cells. High insulin levels dampen the immune system.

2. Prepare Your Own Meals When you eat out, you are usually eating processed food. Restaurants, especial-

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LIFESTYLE

The living room, with an heirloom sofa and chairs upholstered with chinoiserie-style fabrics.

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LIFESTYLE

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rendan and Kristan Kelly wished to create a house with interiors that respected their family heirlooms while honoring their love of the chinoiserie style, a European imitation of Chinese motifs in decorative arts, furniture, and architecture that became a popular aesthetic during the 17th and 18th centuries.

They found the perfect match when they hired M. Lavender Interiors to take on the project.

Located in Wilmette, Illinois, a leafy suburb on Chicago’s North Shore, the 6,000-square-foot home had been constructed in 1914. After a remodeling that significantly expanded the property, the house now features five bedrooms, four bathrooms, and two half baths. The new design was completed in three phases, starting in 2018 and spanning more than three years.

Kristan especially loved the “Shanghai” wallpaper by Scalamandré, a prestigious fabric house founded in Italy that has counted the White House among its clients. The pattern shows ancient Chinese figures relaxing inside pavilions, observing animals playing, or carrying goods on their shoulders.

Mark Lavender, head of M. Lavender Interiors, said, “We used that as the inspiration for the rest of the home, building on those colors with an overlay of plaid and chinoiserie patterns to create the design.” Green, red, and variations of blue and white—like the iconic Chinese porcelain—are found throughout the furnishings and wall colors, while multicolored chinoiserie fabrics are used in the upholstery and pillows.

The wallcoverings, found in the foyer and part of the stairhall, make for lively spaces, with a backdrop of subdued supporting rooms. The furnishings have strong elements of English furniture styles to create a truly traditional home with an updated twist.

Kristan had several heirloom pieces in her collection that the design team drew upon for inspiration. For example, the living room sofa was her grandmother’s. The firm reupholstered it in a Brunschwig and Fils cut velvet fabric, and it became the anchor piece of the room. Other decorative items from her grandmother included old chair seats, which were recovered in a vibrant teal-colored fabric by Creations Metaphores that inspired the color scheme for the dining room, and a Grange dresser that had been in her family for years—placed in the principal bedroom.

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What’s important to us is time, we produce ‘slowly’ on purpose.

—Jörg Steiner

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LIFESTYLE Lodenwalker doesn’t use chemical waterproofing like many textile producers. The process of fulling, or walken in German, makes the wool durable and water-resistant. The cloth is hammered in warm water, causing it to compact to 40 percent its original size.

“This ancient working technique makes our fabric into loden,” Steiner said. Loden is the material of the region’s traditional garb, and is so durable that garments often last decades.

“The looks change from year to year or from century to century,” Steiner said, though the fabric remains the same.

“Fulling is something you do by instinct,” he said. The artisan feels the impact to the wool, shaping and crafting it.

Though fulling fell out of practice widely during the Industrial Revolution, this hand-crafting process remains important at Lodenwalker.

Steiner emphasized the importance of also keeping the business in hand—keeping it simple and steady without compulsive expansion. Lodenwalker doesn’t distribute to other companies, but rather maintains direct contact with its customers. One modern boost to business is online sales, which have opened the market worldwide The factory is open to visitors and Steiner loves having customers come to understand the care that goes into each piece.

“The textile industry in fast-moving times like nowadays is all but healthy and sustainable,” Steiner said. Lodenwalker’s motto is, “Wool takes time.”

It takes about three months to produce a meter of finished wool starting from the raw material, he said. Then the wool is shaped into garments.

‘Wool Takes Time’

Jörg Steiner's family has run Lodenwalker for 15 generations, and he is the current owner.

The hardy mountain sheep of the region provide the wool, though some suits and overcoats are made from Australian merino wool. A benefit of virgin wool is that it is a renewable resource, unlike petroleum-based synthetic fibers.

The wool goes through a carding machine, a 19th century addition to the factory. Cylinders covered with needles comb the wool. It then goes through the spinning and weaving machines, which entered the factory not long after the carding machine.

The wool is spun into threads, thousands of which are placed on the loom and woven into various patterns, such as a twill weave that creates a pattern of diagonal ribs.

“Weaving is a technique where you need to calculate and work very precisely,” Steiner said, contrasting it with the more instinctual process of fulling. Steiner’s education at a textile college focused on weaving. But, he said, “I’ve gained the real know-how from experience by skilled employees. Therefore, it’s important to pass down the knowledge from generation to generation.”

Many of the workers at Lodenwalker have, like Steiner, carried on the tradition of loden-making from their ancestors.

“When I took over in 2006, many employees had known me from childhood. I always felt as a member of a large family.

This is also the way our employees were treated, and I try to keep it this way,” he said.

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LIFESTYLE

Bold Moves Celebrity chef and entrepreneur Todd English thrives on the ever-changing nature of the food business and continues to innovate

By Rebecca Herrero

All photos by Mozes Ban

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man that has revolutionized the culinary industry, Todd English has introduced new ways to interact with food from fusing entertainment and his upscale dishes to transporting viewers across the world on any of his travel food series. “It is truly the democratic way to interact in the world. Humans depend on food. Food defines us,” says the internationally-acclaimed chef. English’s ascent to culinary stardom began when he won his first award in 1991 as the Rising Star of the Year, from the James Beard Foundation. Today, English has built his iconic brand into an empire.

He was born in Amarillo, Texas, then grew up in Georgia. As a young athlete, English played baseball and soccer, won numerous awards, and was recruited to multiple Division 1 schools to play both sports. He went on to play baseball in college, but his career as a collegiate athlete eventually ended due to injury. “Being an athlete and growing up in a tough setting has always helped me in the kitchen: to endure long grueling hours, the heat, and the pressure to perform at a high level. I love it.” Soon after his injury, he began cooking and enrolled at the Culinary Institute of America (CIA) to pursue his career as a chef. English fell in love with the profession and never looked back.

The chef’s past is as colorful and exciting as his new business ventures. In the ‘80s, English was able to craft his talent at CIA. “I knew back then I wanted to do this for the rest of my life—the energy, the ever-changing nature of the business—once I worked at La Côte Basque with Jean-Jacques Rachou, I loved it,” said English. He has opened over 50 remarkable restaurants, an artisanal bread bakery, and even a cupcake shop with his daughter—Curly Cakes. He is a proud family man

and prioritizes his role as a father. “In the past, Andy Cohen from Bravo courted the family for an exceptionally long time to do a reality show. It could have changed our lives, but I did not want to sacrifice my family. My three children are everything to me,” explained English. The chef and busy father of three is constantly on the go and making new moves.

Tireless

From TV accolades to theater on Broadway, Todd English holds an impressive list of accomplishments. English is a four-time James Beard Award winner and was named to the James Beard Foundation’s Who’s Who in Food and Beverage in America. English was also the first ever Iron Chef USA, honored with the title when the Iron Chef network brought the show from Japan over to the United States. He has hosted multiple food travel series himself, such as “Cooking With Todd English”, “Playing With Fire”, and the Emmy-nominated “Food Trip.” English has appeared on every major national talk show on television, he is a culinary icon that is hard to miss. As his brand skyrocketed, he began to produce his very own Todd English brand ceramic cookware for the Home Shopping Network.

“I enjoy cooking on a daily basis. My life revolves around food,” said English. “Be it the rustic style pizzas that my friends love, to a Spanish potato ‘tortilla’ with caviar and burrata inspired by my artist friend Domigo Zapata, to a delicate entrée with French flair. Wine is another pleasure I take my time to enjoy. The culinary experiences you can have from a local spot can be truly exciting. It’s what keeps it challenging and interesting.

I’m a world connoisseur that wants to enjoy the world in a vibrant and ever-flowing way.”

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Taking inspiration from his travels and experiences, he has opened more than 50 restaurants internationally, all instantly recognizable as his own due to their beautiful interiors and entertaining experience. He has successfully opened world-class restaurants in Tokyo, Manila, Abu Dhabi, and Dubai. English was one of the first chefs to establish signature restaurants on cruise ships, such as on the Cunard line Queen Mary and Queen Elizabeth 2. In 1989, English opened his first restaurant, Olives in Boston, which was highly acclaimed soon after opening. By 1994, he had won the award for Best Chefs in America and in 2001, his commercial success was immortalized in print by being named one of the Most Beautiful People in People Magazine. While flattered, his reaction was humble, “I was in disbelief. I thought I was being pranked!” The chef opened the Todd English Food Hall in The Plaza Hotel in New York City, Dubai, and Manila. Simultaneously, English expanded with another location of his first-ever restaurant Olives in Abu Dhabi at the Ritz Carlton. In Florida, English opened “Todd English’s Blue Zoo” at Disney Orlando and has plans to expand in Miami and Palm Beach.

His new venture, the English Hotel in Vegas, is an example of elegance and edginess, and it’s an exact translation of English’s life. “It’s all the things I love about staying in hotels. We are planning to open five more hotels in the world. The one currently opened in Vegas is a testament of the changes the city has experienced in the last few years. It’s all about experience and it is in the Arts District near Downtown Vegas and the Strip”. The newly built four-story property at 921 S Main Street at Coolidge Avenue will open early 2022.

English partnered with The Marriott Tribute Portfolio hotel owned by Weina Zhang and Anna Olin’s Z Life Co. The new building hosts 74 rooms and 11 suites that open directly to the bright light of the pool area.

The Pepper Club, a Japanese/Mediterranean restaurant, will have a spicy, jazzy, lounge-y vibe. Art will fill the hotel, and English has even considered using his own 1964 Rolls-Royce as the hotel’s shuttle.

Today, English continues to transform the traditional dining experience. English is taking Miami and

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Las Vegas by storm with exciting things for the upcoming year. Drawing inspiration from the psychedelic dystopian festival Burning Man, English’s latest project, AREA15, is a fairytale come to life featuring one-of-akind immersive art installations and dining experiences in the desert of Las Vegas. “The Beast” is an interactive food experience where diners can let go of their inhibitions and, “feast like a beast.” He’s also opened another Olives, at the Virgin Hotel in Las Vegas in March of 2021 and a “Todd English Pub & Market” at the Abu Dhabi Airport.

Asked about the future of food and dining, English candidly admitted he feels immense pressure. “We have adapted to safety measures and still the largest employer of people in the country is under siege. It is concerning. There are many aspects of the food world that are broken. As a professional chef who has been in the business for a long time, I continue to feel a great responsibility to improve the quality of food and the way it is being provided to the public. However, there are so many lessons to be learned after the pandemic. Something amazing that can come out of this is an incentive to focus on our health through the food we eat, and I look forward to continuing to be involved in communicating this to the world.” Optimistic about the future, English continues to explore beyond his culinary universe.

As English continues his product development ventures in the food and hospitality industry, the renowned chef plans to continue traveling the world and exploring new cuisines. “This year has been amazing. More changes are coming, more challenges and I will do my best to continue to grow the brand. Be it in the luxury market, as well as the avant-garde venues we are seeing emerge around the world,” English confidently stated.

As a revolutionary of cooking experiences, Todd English has proven that food is not just about sustenance but about experience, connection, and, most importantly, the grit and tenacity to be bold.

Rebecca Herrero is the publisher of Art Bodega magazine.

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Walking in the Footsteps of the Gods

All photos by Shutterstock

By Xenia Taliotis

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LIFESTYLE

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LIFESTYLE

Preparing for a Gathering Our family gatherings are marked by the heart and thought that goes into them

By Ashley Turner

Consider the Senses

Memory-making involves experiencing life through the five senses: sight, sound, smell, touch, and taste.

There are organs associated with each sense that send information to the brain to help us understand, perceive, and experience the world around us. Be sure to include them when you’re planning a gathering, especially if there will be young ones in attendance: They’re still forming neural pathways!

Consider the following: • What atmosphere will I create?

• How will our gathering space smell?

• What flavors and textures will our food have?

• How do I want my family members and guests to feel when we gather?

• What kind of atmosphere do I hope to create?

• What do I want them to understand about themselves and their place within the family?

Their place in the world?

The Menu

As you look forward to an event, pull out the family recipes, and flip through cookbooks to plan for the

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food you wish to have. Invite others, especially children, into the planning and decision making process.

Working together to plan various aspects of the meal promotes a sense of unity and mutual satisfaction. It is always important to check with your guests beforehand to see if they have specific dietary requirements or preferences. This will make your guests feel honored and loved, even before they enter your home.

The Atmosphere

Few things set the stage for a special occasion better than a fresh, out of the ordinary, or unexpected decor. Thoughtfully curating and collecting special linens, dishes, candles, buntings and so on, to pull out for a special touch will offer a deeper meaningfulness to your guests. Decor need not be expensive, or cost anything at all. Some of my favorite items to decorate with are family heirlooms, or seasonal nature specimens. It could be as simple as purchasing a chalkboard and changing the message for the occasion.

Additionally, playing special music instantly enhances the mood of the environment. Some of our family favorites are instrumental pieces: they add depth to the ambiance and are also beneficial for brain function.

What items from nature can I bring into my home for a seasonal celebration?

Ask family members about linens or dishes that might be family heirlooms, that you could borrow and use for gatherings.

Check out local antique stores or thrift shops to acquire treasures that will foster your goals for your gatherings.

Consider planting cutting flowers in a garden plot or pot to bring fresh florals inside for special occa-

Annie Spratt/Unsplash

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or me, creating a meaningful table is an intentional act of gathering, blessing, feasting, sharing, and serving. Taking time to prepare and think through a gathering allows me to bring to life exactly what I’ve envisioned, while also decreasing the stress involved with hosting. Sometimes, just the smallest amount of forethought can shift a gathering from ordinary to meaningful. On the following pages, I’ve compiled the several aspects of gatherings I think through, as I anticipate any event, small or large.

LIFESTYLE

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ARTS

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ARTS

Public Domain

“Disputation of the Holy Sacrament” by Raphael, 1509.

On the other side, the painting of philosophy is crowned with three curved vaults in perfect perspective, directing the gaze away from the top of the work toward its center. Framed by the central arch, Plato and Aristotle are inserted into the work, almost like a stone dropped into still water.

The impact of their thought ripples out among the celebrated thinkers gathered along the top (including Socrates in the olive robe counting out propositions on his fingers).

The figures draw the gaze downward, where the philosophers spill down the steps and appear to pool into separate schools of thought. Euclid maneuvers his compass, surrounded by rapt students.

On the left, Pythagoras explains his theorem to the young, old, and even the foreign—the man with the turban is a tribute to the Islamic intellectuals of the School of Cordoba.

Raphael’s depiction of philosophy appears as a flood of knowledge, increasing though the ages, transmitted by teachers to students to our own age.

Proud of this achievement, Raphael inserted his own self-portrait on the far right engaged in discussion with Ptolemy and Strabo, perhaps talking about his perspective technique. Raphael, gazing at the viewer, is crowned with a black cap, handsome and charming, unlike his rival Michelangelo featured in the center of the composition in boots and a lavender smock.

Michelangelo was eight years Raphael’s senior and already at work in the Sistine Chapel when the younger artist began this commission. Raphael added the figure of Michelangelo to the finished fresco and cast the taciturn Florentine as Heraclitus the Obscure. Raphael probably intended the characterization to be a backhanded compliment, as the frumpily dressed figure appears as the picture of melancholy solitude.

In this captivating conversation, Raphael inscribed into the colored stone of fresco the Christian vision of the relationship between faith and reason. Not antagonists, but complementary partners, one discipline is to reveal the wonders of the mortal world and the other to gain insight into the spiritual realm. Even today, Raphael with his grace, charm, and daring creativity invites viewers to join in this timeless dialogue guided by beauty.

Elizabeth Lev is an American-born art historian who teaches, lectures, and guides in Rome.

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RELATIONSHIPS

How to Write the Ultimate Holiday Greeting Words change our relationships and self-perception—use them kindly

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ach year, we purchase and sign an untold number of greeting cards. We may spend an hour perusing the aisle, reading card after card, in search of one that expresses just the right sentiment, with just the right image and tone. And while we may triumph in finding a card that captures our intent just right, it never quite connects to the recipient as meaningfully as our own words, in our own handwriting, would have.

There is a power lost amid the text-message culture of smartphones and social media. It’s the power of the human face, smiling instead of sending a smiley emoji; the power of the human voice, sharing warm words instead of typing them; and the power of words written in our own hand instead of a computer’s impersonal, if attractive, typography.

But it is more than time and muscle that a written greeting requires: It is the opportunity to write something deeply felt and honestly held. Human beings have a profound ability to see one another, to empathize and understand one another—most especially those we have had years to watch and know.

This precious personal history is the raw fuel for that rare opportunity a greeting card offers: the chance to handwrite something that truly represents what that person means to us. There are few things more meaningful that human beings can do for one another than to make clear that they honor and appreciate the other person’s presence in this world. When we share our unique view of another person’s singular presence, we offer our fellow beings more than recognition: We offer them a reminder of their lasting legacy of goodness in this world.

In a time when we are constantly being told we are not enough, when social media drives comparison-culture, and everywhere marketers beckon with products that promise to complete us, there is something essential and potent in sharing our honest regards. With that in mind, here are one human being’s thoughts on how to let someone else know that they are known, and needed, this holiday season.

First of all, there is no requirement for a perfect card. The card becomes what you put into it. That said, a little personal touch can mean a lot. I like to take old cards and tweak them slightly, sometimes gluing new paper over the old greeting inside, and adding a couple of extra touches to the cover photo.

Iuliia Bondar/Moment/Getty Images

By Matthew Little

elenaleonova/E+/Getty Images

One year, I gave my brother a generic snowman card from the bargain bin, one of a hundred duplicates at a “steal of a deal,” adding muscle arms and abs, with a little thought bubble saying something—I can’t remember what. My “little” brother has always taken the time to eat well and maintain his body. It was silly, but it took only a few seconds, and made the card slightly more meaningful.

The true meaning is, of course, the words we write inside. This is where some thought comes in.

Thought.

How often does one human being truly take the time to reflect on others, to consider their unique presence in this world and their impact on our lives? The ultimate goal of whatever you write in that card is to show that you have taken this effort. You want to capture something essential, uplifting, and personal.

Take a moment to clear your mind of any other thoughts, and imagine your recipients clearly in your mind. There is no need to glorify or idealize them. You are not trying to flatter them or ingratiate yourself.

You are trying to see them: see their qualities, their struggles, their pains, and their triumphs.

Each person is an incredible tale, and all but a few of us are all-butignored by the world we inhabit. But not your recipients. Not today. You know them. You know what they have done, what their strengths are, what they value.

We all have enough negative self-talk and delusional justifications, so there’s no need to attempt to draw out advice or offer excuses. This isn’t an effort at appeasing or elevating others. But you do want to look for their light, that unique light they cast that illuminates a part of our reality like no other can.

For example, maybe you have an aunt who is pristine in her decor and appearance. What may seem superficial to some, you know to be a dignity of being, an attention to beauty that she brings with her everywhere she lives and breathes. There are too few people, and too few opportunities, to capture something like that on paper, and make it known to them that they are known.

So pause, think on them, and ask yourself what lesson their presence and history can deliver to this world. Ask yourself what they have shown you about yourself, when you measure your conduct against their best qualities. And then share with them whatever you have seen.

It can be as short as a sentence or as long as a paragraph. Reinforce what you consider to be some of their best attributes. Give them that encouragement we each need to strive toward our ultimate self, not through hollow platitudes, but through affirming to them their best qualities.

Remind them of something they do that others may no longer notice. Share with them a memory that affirms your perception of their most noble self. Offer them a reason to strengthen that best part of themselves by holding it up for them to see. And know, deep down, that you have the power to nourish another person’s soul. R

RELATIONSHIPS

An Emotional Toolkit for Family Gatherings After 22 months apart, returning to in-person gatherings can be delightful—and stressful

By Nancy Colier

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ver the next few months, many of us will attend in-person family gatherings, maybe for the first time in close to two years.

While being with family in real life can be nourishing and joyful, it can also make us feel anxious and stressed. As it turns out, for many people, the emotional and physical distance enabled by computer screens created a welcome shift in family dynamics that actually eased certain stressors, and often made family connections feel a bit safer and more manageable. The fact is, being in the physical presence of family is quite different than seeing little video boxes on a screen (that we can easily mute and disconnect).

So, how can you show up for this unique moment, and use the lessons you’ve learned and suffering you’ve experienced during the pandemic to return to in-person family gatherings with a renewed sense of gratitude and appreciation? How do you return with love and patience, and use all that you’ve been through these last 22 months to reunite with family with an attitude of acceptance and love—particularly with those whom you’ve struggled with or been hurt by in the past? Ultimately, how can you be with family in a new way that reflects your post-pandemic evolution?

What follows is a plan for the post-pandemic return to the family dinner table.

Compassion and Curiosity

To start with, you can set the intention to approach your family with an attitude of compassion and kindness, fueled by the awareness that everyone has suffered during this time, and also changed. That said, you can enter with an attitude of curiosity and kindness, and stay open to discover who and how everyone is at that moment, after all we’ve collectively been through.

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RADIANT LIFE­ DECEMBER

Hardware and Oranges

Furthermore, you can make use of something a friend once told me. She said, “You don’t go to the hardware store to buy oranges.” Over the years, I’ve found this reminder to be profoundly useful in my life, and a wisdom nugget to always bring with me when attending family gatherings.

What so often happens to us—particularly when we interact with family—is that we keep trying to get something from someone who is not capable of giving it to us. I myself had a relative who, for almost as long as she was alive, I tried to make interested in me. I tried unsuccessfully to get her to ask me a personal question, or show signs of remembering anything I’d ever told her about myself. For two decades, I suffered with resentment and disbelief and fought against the reality of who she was.

Surrender to Reality

In the same way that you had to accept that Covid was here, even though you didn’t want it to be, and that it wasn’t up to you when and if it goes away, you can use this moment to accept that it’s not up to you who your family members are or how they behave. You can choose to enter with an acceptance of who the people in your family actually are—in reality, not fantasy. In the same way that you had to surrender to the pandemic, you can surrender to the reality of your family, whether you want this reality or not.

Just as you wouldn’t go to the hardware store for oranges, or keep trying to plant orange trees in the appliances aisle and suffering because they won’t grow there, you can also stop going to the people in your family for what they’re incapable of offering or being for you. So stop torturing yourself by trying to make them what

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RELATIONSHIPS

Don’t fault yourself for possibly feeling a bit of trepidation. It’s normal; it’s a big deal to reenter these relationships in the flesh.

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