RADIANT LIFE MARCH
Cultivating a healthy mind, body, and spirit
Nic Roldan America’s top polo player approaches life with passion
Lidia Bastianich
The celebrity chef reflects on 70 years of cooking, and on family as the root of her success
Stop Procrastinating Tips to get going on what you want to get done
Table of Contents
14 Mind & Body
30 Tired All the Time?
10 Get a Grip on Procrastination
36 Breathe the Roses In
14 The Self-Discipline Project
38 Tight Muscles vs. Instability
18 Spring Clean Your Attitude
42 Dimensions of Detoxing
22 Inside Out Weight Loss
46 Screen Cleaning
26 Patience, for the Win
50 Optimal Fertility
28 Household Mold 101
54 The Goal Life
If you’re struggling with the comfort of inertia and distraction, these tips might help you move into action mode.
Controlling our emotions, desires, and actions lets us create better lives for ourselves.
Get ready for growth with a clean outlook and good habits that prepare you for prosperity.
We often turn to food to quell feelings we haven’t found better ways of dealing with.
Patience is a superpower that can make you more productive, kind, grateful, satisfied, and optimistic.
Under certain conditions, mold can take root in your home and contribute to a variety of health issues.
Our mitochondria help us stay in balance, allowing us to experience an even keel of feeling and functioning well.
Your body is an ecosystem that depends on beneficial microbes, and one of the easiest ways to boost this microbiome is to get some fresh air.
Muscles function best with a balance of tension and release—in the right places.
Your body is designed to expel toxins, but these builtin cleansing systems are facing unnatural new threats.
Tidy up your digital life to find more time and energy for the real world.
A vast array of health concerns affect how likely a woman is to conceive and carry her baby to term.
Even if we don’t reach our goals, research tells us that setting them well can lead to a happier, more successful life.
Lifestyle
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58 Roots of Health
Planting usually begins in the colder spring months. Here are five vegetables to start with.
60 Testing Soil
Your plants need nutrients too. Soil testing kits measure pH levels and the presence of certain nutrients, helping you determine how to fertilize your garden.
62 Garden Potatoes
These versatile tubers are easier to plant than you might expect. Try them out this early spring.
66 Indian Potato Recipes
Spicy fillings and crispy crusts are signature features of properly made samosas. Taste of India II shares favorite recipes for vegetable samosas and palak tikki.
70 Irish Potato Recipes
Master one of Britain’s most beloved dishes, the hearty shepherd’s pie; then, try your hand at an authentic Irish potato bread.
74 Lidia Bastianich
The celebrity chef reflects on 70 years of cooking, and on family as the root of her success.
78 Nic Roldan
America’s top polo player talks about becoming the face of polo, along with his love for horses and the launch of his lifestyle brand.
86 Tanya Zuckerbrot
The nutritionist has plenty of advice on how to help your children—even picky teens—eat healthily.
90 Organic Cleaners
Not all vinegars are created equal. Here are some you may not know, plus some tricks we learned from professional housekeepers in Japan.
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92 The Everyday Egg
From paint to leather cleaner, eggs have myriad uses outside the kitchen.
Table of Contents
Relationships
108 Arts 96
The Mark of a Genius
100
The Image of Compassion
104
By Way of Longinus
108
Patrons of the Quattrocento
120
Etiquette in Today’s World
124
Your Work Is Not Your Worth
Since the pandemic, the rules of conduct have changed. Etiquette expert Jacqueline Whitmore advises tact.
Our attention economy can encourage unhealthy relationships with what we do, but we can take a step back by focusing on core values.
For many, Baroque composer Johann Sebastian Bach exemplifies genius—his compositions have been considered timeless masterpieces for over 200 years.
The Pietà—a depiction of the Virgin Mary mourning while cradling Christ’s dead body— has inspired compelling masterworks of art throughout the centuries.
The Greek literary critic regarded the sublime as any experience that divinely elevates us through characteristics we share with God, like benevolence and truth.
Were it not for families like the Medici, many iconic works of art would never have been created.
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‘Dante in Exile’
Lord Frederic Leighton painted an impressive work inspired by the poet Dante’s rise and fall in Florentine political circles.
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RADIANT LIFE PUBLISHER Dana Cheng
E D I TO R I A L EDITOR-IN- CHIEF
Catherine Yang
MIND & BODY EDITORS
Matthew Little Chrisy Trudeau
A RTS EDITORS
Sharon Kilarski Jennifer Schneider
BOOKS EDITOR LIFEST Y LE EDITOR
Robert Mackey Joy Ye
G A R DENING EDITOR
José Rivera
TR AV EL EDITOR
Car y Dunst
EDITORS -AT-L A RGE
T ynan Beatty Maria Han
STA FF W R ITERS
Skylar Parker Tara dos Santos
C R E AT I V E CR E ATI V E DIR ECTOR DESIGNER ILLUSTR ATORS
Laure Fu Ingrid Phillips Linda Zhao Michelle Xu
PHOTOGR A PHERS
Jennifer Schneider J. Freishter
C O N T R I B U TO R S Wendy J. Meyeroff, Tatiana Denning, Jennifer Margulis, Nancy Colier, Carl Honoré, Michele Neil-Sher wood, Datis Kharrazian, Sina McCullough, T ysan Dolnyck yj, Conan Milner, Melanie Hempe, Ashley Turner, Pelin Kesebir, Ian Kane, A rleen Richards, Mihaela Enache, Raman Kumar, Tracey Jeffer y, Rebecca Herrero, Kat y Kassian, Pete McGrain, Eric Bess, Kara Blakley, A llison Malafronte, Helena Woods
O F F I C E & C O N TA C T Bright Magazine Group 229 W 28th St, New York, N Y 10001 General Inquiries: editor@radiantlifemag.com Media & Adver tising: ellen@radiantlifemag.com
Editor’s Note
J
Dear Readers, anuary is the first month of the year, but March—a time when we eagerly anticipate the first signs of spring—is a month of new beginnings. It’s a time of resets, restarts, and springing into action. It’s a time of growth—and facing growth with the right attitude can do wonders. Fortunately, it’s easier to be hopeful in the spring. On page 18, we have tips for you to “Spring Clean Your Attitude” and prepare your mindset for growth. Our thoughts truly influence the results we see—often in more ways than we realize—and with attention, we can orient them in positive directions. Having such command over our minds might require practice. On page 14, our article “The Self-Discipline Project” sheds light on how to do just that. “Self-discipline is a form of freedom,” says leading sports psychologist H.A. Dorfman, echoing philosophers from civilizations past, and the Founding Fathers of America. Follow these tips to embark on your own project of self-knowledge leading to self-discipline. Spring may be the season of doing, but many of us feel overwhelmed by the mountain of possible projects and end up doing little instead. On page 10, we get to the heart of procrastination and provide actionable steps to chip away at that mental routine. “We can really only work in bursts of 60–90 minutes in any kind of productive, effective way,” says Heather Hersh, PsyD, a well-being consultant and coach. Yet, many people beat themselves up for not being able to sustain that kind of focus all day long. We spoke to experts about how to set realistic goals, avoid distractions, and manage uncomfortable feelings that lead to procrastination; and, we came away with tips you can apply to any kind of task. At the end of the day, it’s prudent to remember that your worth as a person isn’t equal to how much you do. On page 124, we’re reminded to check in with ourselves about our core values. In fact, throughout the mentioned articles, you’ll notice experts referring to values again and again. Our core values are what truly determine who we are and how we live our lives.
Editor-In-Chief Catherine Yang catherine@radiantlifemag.com
MIND & BODY
The Self-Discipline Project Controlling our emotions, desires, and actions lets us create better lives for ourselves By Tatiana Denning
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MIND & BODY
I
“Discipline is choosing between what you want now, and what you want most.” —Abraham Lincoln
learned a valuable lesson from my son. From the time he was in the womb, according to my ultrasounds, my son loved to suck his thumb. After he was born, we tried to get him to use a pacifier, but out came the pacifier, and in went his thumb. His thumb, combined with his silk blanket, became his source of comfort, and his means of lulling himself to sleep. His thumb seemed to be in his mouth more than it was out. When the time for kindergarten came, and he showed no signs of giving up his thumb habit, I came up with the idea of showing him photos of people with misaligned teeth from the sucking. After explaining that this could happen to him, he reluctantly agreed that when he lost his first tooth, he’d stop sucking his thumb. A few months later, when he lost his first tooth, he remembered his promise and asked, “Momma, does that mean I have to stop sucking my thumb?” After I answered yes, he replied, “But what if I can’t do it? It helps me fall asleep, and sometimes I don’t even know I’m doing it.” But I told him not to worry, and that I knew he could do it. When bedtime came, he asked, “Momma, can I please suck my thumb, just tonight?” I told him I knew it was hard, but the longer he kept sucking his thumb, the harder it would be to stop. I told him to not think about it too much, and before long, he was asleep. For the next three nights he asked the same question, just once, each night. To my surprise, after only a few days, he was falling asleep without mentioning it. I marveled at his willpower, and how quickly he was able to give up his lifelong dependence on his thumb.
In essence, self-discipline is controlling one’s desires and emotions in exchange for greater gain, even if it requires more time and more effort. A Deeper Look
My son’s ability to have such self-discipline at a young age made an impression on me. It wasn’t the only time I’d noticed it, and I joked that his willpower must come from his dad, who is equally disciplined. While I’ve worked to do better in this regard, I certainly have room for improvement. Reflecting within, I realized that I can be self-indulgent,
lazy, want what’s comfortable and easy, sometimes say or do things to show off or look good in the eyes of others, and, at times, ignore the schedule and goals I’ve set for myself. So, in the name of bettering myself, I resolved to undertake my own, personal, self-discipline project. I thought a good place to start is to explore exactly what self-discipline means, as well as what it’s composed of. According to Google’s English dictionary, self-discipline is defined as: 1. the ability to control one’s feelings and overcome one’s weaknesses; 2. the ability to pursue what one thinks is right despite temptations to abandon it. Merriam-Webster dictionary defines it as: correction or regulation of oneself for the sake of improvement. In essence, self-discipline is controlling one’s desires and emotions in exchange for greater gain, even if it requires more time and more effort. So, what’s involved in self-discipline? According to experts, self-discipline consists of attributes like willpower, grit, fortitude, determination, persistence, endurance, resolve, drive, discretion, restraint, prudence, resilience, resoluteness, patience, diligence, and temperance. But it’s not enough just to have these things; they must be based in goodness and wisdom. For example, a criminal may have the patience of a saint while waiting to rob a house, but this patience is born of neither goodness nor wisdom. Therefore, a virtuous heart and mind, based in a strong moral character, are required. It seems that self-discipline is no simple matter. It requires not just the ability but also the willingness to govern one’s own behavior in accordance with one’s values, commitments, and goals. While it may sound easy on paper, self-discipline can be very challenging.
The Key to Happiness and Success
H.A. Dorfman, a leading sports psychologist and author on the mental skills needed to achieve success in professional sports, says, “Self-discipline is a form of freedom. Freedom from laziness and lethargy, freedom from the expectations and demands of others, freedom from weakness and fear— and doubt. Self-discipline allows a pitcher to feel his individuality, his inner strength, his talent. He is master of, rather than a slave to, his thoughts and emotions.” Dorfman knows that self-discipline is the key to success, not just in sports, but in life. In fact, studies show that the self-disciplined fare better in all aspects of life—from better health to less anxiety and depression, fewer addictions, better focus, increased honesty, more harmonious relationships, more success and happiness at work or in school, and more financial security than their less-disciplined counterparts. When we lack self-discipline, we indulge our selfish sides, and diminish our sense of personal responsibility. Rather than being held to a higher standard, requiring us
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MIND & BODY
Losing Weight
From the Inside Out
We often turn to food to quell feelings we haven’t found better ways of dealing with
By Nancy Colier
M
ost of us have heard the term “freshman 15,” referring to the 15 pounds many college students gain during their first year away from home. But a similar phenomenon occurs for many adults over the winter. When it’s cold and we spend more time inside, we humans go through our own hibernation process, which often results in overeating and an uptick in clothing size or a full-on surrender to sweatpants. But it’s not just the winter months. COVID has also made food an attractive way to manage the fear, anxiety, and uncertainty of the last two years. Food has offered comfort, plea-
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sure, and distraction, as well as a solution to boredom. Predictably, many people have ended up with extra weight, which now has its own name: “the COVID 15.” So, as spring prepares to bloom, you may find yourself wanting to bloom into a new body, one that can fit back into your old clothes—or into new clothes without an elastic waistband. But this article is not about eating less or differently, or exercising more or smarter; it’s not about the practical elements involved in shedding your winter or pandemic pounds. You can find diet and exercise information in countless other
MIND & BODY
places, and, in fact, you probably know all that information already, having read a thousand times what you should be eating and how you should be moving. I’m not here to address diet and exercise strategies because, ultimately, such strategies don’t usually work, at least not in any lasting way. They fail because they address only the symptom of the problem—the excess weight itself—but not the underlying cause of it. You may frame your overeating as a form of indulgence and desire run rampant, as we’ve been conditioned to view it. You might tell yourself that you overeat because you want more food; you don’t want to stop, it tastes so good. And while that may all be true, we often overeat or compulsively reach for food not because we really want the food, but because we don’t want to feel whatever we’re feeling in that moment. Let’s be honest: The fourth bowl of ice cream doesn’t really taste that good. As with any addiction, we opt for a substance because we don’t want the experience we’re having, whether we’re feeling anxious, bored, sad, too happy, confused, overwhelmed, afraid, or any other hardto-handle emotion. The substance, in this case food, brings us relief from the feelings we don’t want and don’t know how to feel. If you’re an overeater, your brain (through no fault of your own) has built a link between food and relief, between food and comfort. Therefore, when difficult emotions arise, your brain reacts by telling you that food is the solution; food will make your uncomfortable feelings go away; food is relief. It tells you this silently, without you even realizing. The impulse to reach for food when difficult feelings arise— or even threaten to arise—is unconscious and habitual; your brain has incorporated this link, and this belief that food is relief from suffering. In order to break your addiction to food, you need to be willing to turn your focus away from food and the management of it, and toward the feelings that precede and trigger the eating—the internal experience that triggers the external response of opening the fridge. In order to do this, you must slow down the process that starts with unwanted feelings and ends with food, and negative feelings about your body and yourself. When you feel the urge to overeat and check out on reality, you must choose to do something different, and remain awake and conscious to stay with yourself in your current reality. You can achieve this by being curious about exactly what’s happening inside you—before heading to the snack drawer.
Right there, in the eye of the storm, with the urge to check out and the uncomfortable feelings all raging, you must be willing to just stay still. The fiercest and most courageous thing you can do in that moment is to ask yourself: “What am I experiencing right now that I want to get away from? What feelings are here that I don’t want to feel?” While chocolate may feel like the kindest thing you can do for yourself in that moment, it really isn’t. Listening to and caring about what you’re experiencing, and turning toward your heart, is true kindness and compassion. The moment that matters most in breaking the cycle of overeating is the moment when you light it up with awareness, and thereby interrupt the link between the trigger and your habitual response. While it is counterintuitive and can feel scary to move toward what feels uncomfortable, it is precisely the process of getting to know your own experience that makes you feel better. And here’s the paradox: You feel better even if the feelings you discover are difficult. At the end of the day (and the beginning and middle, too), your willingness to bring your kind and non-judgmental attention to what’s happening inside your heart, head, and body is what’s necessary to break free from overeating or any other compulsive behavior.
Giving yourself cookies when what you really need is comfort is a bit like trying to use a banana to open a door lock. An Exercise in Compassion
When you think about it, giving yourself cookies when what you really need is comfort is a bit like trying to use a banana to open a door lock; it’s simply the wrong tool for the task at hand. And yet, this is what we do over and over again; we feed our mouth when it’s our heart that needs our care. Over time, this odd and misaligned response to our own discomfort starts to feel normal; we mistake anesthetizing and medicating our discomfort for true relief and start to believe that food is what makes us feel better. But as we all know, the feelings we numb with food don’t go anywhere other than to sleep, tempo-
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MIND & BODY
Screen Cleaning Tidy up your digital life to find more time and energy for the real world By Melanie Hempe
I
n 2014, Marie Kondo, the Japanese organizational guru, rose to stardom with her No. 1 New York Times Bestseller, “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up.” This subsequently launched her Netflix career, and she became a household name and initiated a nationwide frenzy of tidying up America. Her catchy method of cleaning up cluttered homes is connected to a feeling that is all too often overlooked: joy. Kondo advises you to pick up each item and ask yourself if it sparks joy; if not, get rid of it. But what about things we can’t pick up?
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Technology has taken the world by storm and is creating more clutter in our lives than we realize, even if that clutter doesn’t fill the corners of your closet. It clutters something more important than that—our mind and our emotions—and makes a mess of our attention, and more importantly, gets in the way of spending time with the people we love most. Kondo’s KonMari method, which is quick and effective, is to simply to place things into categories (i.e., kitchen items, clothing, tools), examine each item, and ask yourself, “Does this item spark joy in me?” We can go through each area of our home, section by section, and evaluate the seemingly import-
MIND & BODY
ant items we have grown accustomed to having that now fail to bring joy. Cleaning up our physical world help us to function better. The act of removing excess can be difficult, but it improves our emotional health. It makes us feel like we are not being controlled by our stuff. This kind of cleaning is straightforward and easy to understand. But how do we clean up our virtual world so that it doesn’t control us? If Kondo’s method is proven to work for our physical surroundings, can it be applied to the ever-growing clutter found on our digital devices? Yes. This spring, as you refresh your home and do some cleaning, we invite you to explore the idea of “screen cleaning,” as well.
If your daughter is consuming too much social media on her smartphone, it may be time for a talk/text phone. Take a Joy Inventory
Which of our technological indulgences sparks joy in our hearts? Does the social media and other screen information we consume give us real joy? Or is it just dopamine-producing entertainment? Does your son’s gaming habit ultimately bring joy to his world, or are you both continually upset about it? Is your daughter’s social media obsession bringing her real joy? Just as cleaning out your closets on a regular basis will reduce stress, so will cleaning out your digital stuff. With that in mind, it’s time to clean.
Four Essential Tips to Begin Screen Cleaning
The first step of any decluttering job is to gather all like items together. Bring all of your screens together—tablets, smartphones, game consoles, laptops—in one area of your home (perhaps near a desktop computer). Empty the cable and cord drawer, too. Your kids can help you do this; they
know where all the devices are. The purpose is to see what you have and begin to weed out what you no longer need. Next, reduce the number of screens in your home. The fewer you have to manage, the more joy you will experience. It is OK to give away perfectly good technology; many of us have too much tech or an abundance of older devices. Make a plan to donate phones to a homeless shelter or charity organization, and put all other digital devices—including old laptops that don’t fit your life any longer—in a box for proper disposal. Determine who uses which screen, and if that use brings joy to members of your family. If your daughter is consuming too much social media on her smartphone, it may be time for a talk/text phone. If your son is wasting time on his game console, it may be time for a digital detox. Remember, the question is about joy. If the screen is bringing your family more pain than joy, toss it. The third step is to uninstall unneeded apps on your devices. Ask yourself: What apps do I really need to keep as tools, and what can go? Go through your apps one by one, including the ones you use often. Load each app and ask yourself if it sparks joy in your heart; don’t confuse joy with dopamine. If that social media app on your smartphone doesn’t bring you inner peace, you have to wonder why you have it. If you need to keep it as a tool, consider relocating it to your computer where you will use it less. Remove all the irresistibly distracting apps from your phone that are causing clutter. Just like the clothes and shoes in our cluttered closets, we generally only use a small percentage of our apps. It’s time to uninstall the app that came with your new fridge and the app you read about in a blog but never opened. Organize the apps you keep in a folder. While you are cleaning out your phone, consider setting it to grayscale. This little tip has a calming effect, and you will look at your phone less. Go ahead and turn off all your notifications, too. Those likely spark more stress than joy. The fourth step is to fix what is broken. Fixing broken things, replacing parts, and doing routine maintenance is an important step in any cleaning process. This means restoring what is broken or not set up properly in our screen environments. If
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LIFESTYLE
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LIFESTYLE
Growing Potatoes in Your Garden By Mihaela Enache
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LIFESTYLE
Traditional Irish Potato Bread Potato bread was a staple food in Ireland and still is to this day! It’s the most delicious part of an Ulster Fry. Use a frying pan and an egg lifter—same as for soda bread. The best potatoes for potato bread are the floury ones! Ingredients • 2 cups (250 g) of mashed potatoes seasoned with salt, pepper and a good glug of milk • ½ cup (60 g) of plain flour—I use soda bread flour and it’s perfect Instructions 1. Mash your potatoes really well. Mix the flour and potatoes together. When the mixture is no longer sticky, the dough is ready. Flour a board and roll the dough out with a rolling pin. Cut into 4 farls (quarters). Cook each side for around 4 minutes until golden brown. 2. Spread some handmade butter liberally on one side and let it sizzle in the pan for 10 seconds. I love to eat these farls as they come off the griddle!
Thirty minutes from Belfast in an area of scenic natural beauty, Tracey Jeffery shares her vast culinary knowledge with enthusiastic students, welcoming them into her Farmhouse Kitchen with the aroma of homemade traditional breads.
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LIFESTYLE
All-Star Challenge semifinals: Seminole Casino versus Hawaii Polo Life.
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LIFESTYLE
The Polo Life Nic Roldan, who became the youngest polo player in the world to win the U.S. Open Polo Championship at the age of 15, is expanding his lessons from polo into many other fields By Rebecca Herrero
N
ic Roldan, raised in the village of Wellington, Florida, is a 39-year-old American polo player with an 8-goal handicap, who has won some of the most important polo tournaments in the world, including the prestigious Cartier’s Queen’s Cup in 2018, the historic Copa Camara de Diputados in Argentina in 2006, the gritty Australia Open in 2005, to name a few. Nic plays professionally for the Ganzi family. Marc and Melissa Ganzi, who also compete in polo tournaments around the world, are the founders of the world-renowned World Polo League, the Grand Champions Polo Club in Wellington, Florida, and the Aspen Valley Polo Club in Colorado. During his childhood, Nic showed an early talent for the game often called “The Game of Kings”. As a very young child, he started riding horses. He continued playing junior tournaments until he turned 15 years old, a year that marked a significant accomplishment for the polo player: He became the youngest polo player in the world to win the prestigious U.S. Open Polo Championship title. But his real love for the game doesn’t just stop in the fields. Nic tries to inspire young players with personal polo lessons and dedicates part of his life to philanthropy.
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ARTS
Patrons of the Quattrocento By Kara Blakley
T
hey are icons of Italy and their names are among the most well-known in the art world: Donatello, Brunelleschi, Botticelli, Michelangelo. Eager viewers stop and snap photos of their instantly recognizable paintings, sculptures, and buildings. Displayed in museums around the world, their immortal artworks invite a popular following. What remains obscured in the history books, however, is how many of these renowned works and buildings came to be. The subject of patronage is often overlooked and misunderstood, and yet, without the patronage of families such as the Medici, the Renaissance as we know it today may not have happened. For example, an enjoyable Italian series on Netflix dramatizes the rise of the Medici family in the 15th century, and viewers will glimpse prized commissions in several episodes; the architect Brunelleschi and the painter Botticelli are among the supporting characters. But the show merely hints at the concept of patronage without providing a more specific explanation. In simple terms, a patron is a person, family, or organization that financially supports artists. While some patrons commission a single artwork, others provide housing and stipends in exchange for an artist’s ongoing services. Until the Italian Renaissance, monarchs, nobles, and high-ranking clergy of the Catholic church (including the pope) were among the notable few with the financial means to patronize the arts. The artwork that kings and cardinals commissioned served their political aims and reinforced existing social hierarchies. The Medici family amassed their fortune and created their dynasty through banking, a field which they helped modernize. The Medici Bank was founded in Florence, Italy in 1397, and for a century, it was the most formidable
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bank in Europe. Although the bank became defunct in 1499, the wealth that the Medici family generated ensured the family’s power for centuries; in total, the Medici produced four popes, two queens, and countless aristocratic leaders.
“Portrait of a Man with a Medal of Cosimo the Elder” by Sanro Boticello, circa 1474–1475.
It is no coincidence that the golden age of Medici banking paralleled a significant stage of the Renaissance, the Quattrocento (the1400s). Cosimo de’ Medici secured his family’s political status in Florence, and he also commissioned several notable pieces that today are synonymous with the Florentine Renaissance. Among these commissions is Donatello’s “David,” a bronze sculpture that ushered in a new era in the medium; it was completed sometime between 1420 and 1460. Though precise records have not survived, art historians believe that Cosimo de’ Medici commis-
ARTS
“Florence Cathedral” by Filippo Brunelleschi. Dome completed in 1436.
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RELATIONSHIPS
Etiquette in
Today’s World Etiquette is the ‘art of knowing how to treat other people,’ says Jacqueline Whitmore, founder of Protocol School of Palm Beach By Tara dos Santos
“M
y definition of etiquette is the art of knowing how to treat other people, the art of knowing how to make other people feel good in your presence,” explained Jacqueline Whitmore, founder of The Protocol School of Palm Beach, Florida. When people think of etiquette training, Whitmore said, they often think it’s about learning which fork to use for which dish at a dinner party. But at the end of the day, no one really cares if you use the wrong fork, as long as you make people feel comfortable, as long as you’re charming, and entertaining, and kind, and considerate. Etiquette is important in business. For example, Whitmore has taught effective electronic communication to people whose emails had an angry tone, causing friction with clients and co-workers. She teaches people how to make a good impression on high-end clients. She prepares people for business meetings abroad, where customs may be different. She explained, for instance, that “in Asia, it’s really important to know how to present a business card, because, in Asia, the business card is an extension of oneself. In the U.S. especially, we just throw our business cards around. But in Asia, you present a card with
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the words facing the recipient. It’s ceremonious. You present it with two hands. When you receive it, you receive it with two hands, and you pronounce the name, and you treat that card with respect.” Many people are now asking Whitmore about “COVID courtesy.” Do I go for the handshake, or is it a fist bump? How do I set safety standards at my wedding? How do I handle questions about vaccination?
“What I’ve learned in this whole time of COVID, is that you don’t push your beliefs on other people.” —Jacqueline Whitmore Pandemic-Era Courtesy
Whitmore held up a book by the late Letitia Baldrige, the so-called “Queen of Etiquette,” who served as White House social secretary under Jackie Kennedy. There’s nothing in these old, historic etiquette books that says
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