What's Your LGBTIQ?

Cover Art: Patrick Fina

Issue 62, October 2013

BROAD A Feminist & Social Justice Magazine

What’s Your

LGBTIQ?

BROAD Feminist&&Social SocialJustice Justice Magazine Magazine AAFeminist

Health and Wellness

Seeking submissions on the topics of: health, wellness, politics, healthcare, women’s health, physicians, sickness, mental wellness, emotional well-being, holistic care, access to medical care, Seeking submissions on the topics health, wellness, politics, women’s health, fitness, nutrition, bodyof: image, societal influences, andhealthcare, social injustice hysicians, sickness, mental wellness, emotional well-being, holistic care, access to medical car fitness, nutrition, body image, societal influences, andtosocial injustice Send your artwork, poetry, and writing

broad.luc@gmail.com byandNovember 8th Send your artwork, poetry, writing to

,

re,

A feminist is a person who answers “yes” to the question, “Are women human?” Feminism is not about whether women are better than, worse than or identical with men. And it’s certainly not about trading personal liberty--abortion, divorce, sexual self-expression-for social protection as wives and mothers, as pro-life feminists propose. It’s about justice, fairness, and access to the

BROAD

range of human experience. It’s about women consulting their own well-being and being judged as individuals rather than as members of a class with one personality, one social function, one road to happiness. It’s about women having intrinsic value as persons rather than contingent value as a means to an end for others: fetuses, children, the “family,” men. ~ Katha Pollitt

broad | brÔd |

adjective 1 having an ample distance from side to side; wide 2 covering a large number and wide scope of subjects or areas: a broad range of experience 3 having or incorporating a wide range of meanings 4 including or coming from many people of many kinds 5 general without detail 6 (of a regional accent) very noticeable and strong 7 full, complete, clear, bright; she was attacked in broad daylight noun (informal) a woman.

broad | brÔd |

slang a promiscuous woman

phrases broad in the beam: with wide hips or large buttocks in broad daylight: during the day, when it is light, and surprising for this reason have broad shoulders: ability to cope with unpleasant responsibilities or to accept criticism City of broad shoulders: Chicago synonyms see: wide, extensive, ample, vast, liberal, open, all-embracing antonyms see: narrow, constricted, limited, subtle, slight, closed see also broadside (n.) historical: a common form of printed material, especially for poetry

BROAD Mission: Broad’s mission is to connect the WSGS program with communities of students, faculty, and staff at Loyola and beyond, continuing and extending the program’s mission. We provide space and support for a variety of voices while bridging communities of scholars, artists, and activists. Our editorial mission is to provoke thought and debate in an open forum characterized by respect and civility.

WSGS Mission: Founded in 1979, Loyola’s Women’s Studies Program is the first women’s studies program at a Jesuit institution and has served as a model for women’s studies programs at other Jesuit and Catholic universities. Our mission is to introduce students to feminist scholarship across the disciplines and the professional schools; to provide innovative, challenging, and thoughtful approaches to learning; and to promote social justice.

What’s Your LGBTIQ? This issue explores topics of identity, sexual orientation, discrimination, homophobia, allies, healing, popularity, lifestyle, family, gender expression, childhood, cultural differences, intersections of class and race, sex work, community outreach, individuality, coming out, and the personal narrative.

BROAD Team

Karolyne Carloss Consulting Editor

Gaby Ortiz Flores

Diversity and Outreach Editor

Katie Klingel Editor in Chief

Emma Steiber

Contetnt and Section Editor

J. Curtis Main Consulting Editor

Cont words are useless

You Are Not Defined By Your Body, Brooke Rosner, Francesca Ebel-Sweett, Trent Crawford Chic-FIl-A Protest, Patrick Fina Half N’ Half, J. Curtis Main Scout’s Honor, Anonymous

tell-a-vision

The Dangers of the Popular Gay Kid, Elizabeth Meyer, PhD.

Meat Quotient, Big Dipper Call Me Kuchu How to Survive a Plague

madads

HIV/AIDS

A Family is a Family, Elvis Trouble What Gets in the Way of Sharing?, Shay Collins

Articles

broadside

Walk With Me, Eshe Bhairavi

Media /Art

Allies and Problematic Language, Kendall Doerr The More Things Change, the More Things Stay the Same, Julia DeLuca

A Study of My Mom and My Hair, Mar Curran In the Grey, Erica Granados de la Rosa Q Cafe Gets Deep Breathing In & Out, Mayumi Chelle Queer Was a Choice, Kendall Doerr Manifesto, 2013 3rd Language Summer Workshop Participant Meztli, Erica Granados de la Rosa

bookmark here

Does Your Mama Know?

FROM YOUR EDITOR Emma Steiber

Health and Wellness Ad

VISITING EDITORS Shay Collins Patrick Fina Kendall Doerr

BRO

tents Queer Thoughts

Academia, Meet Your Long Lost Friend Activism, Emma Steiber

Mama Says...

Raising Your IQ Through the Personal Narrative, Karla Estela Rivera

career call

Case Manager, Shena Willbrandt LGBTQ Office Coordinator, J.M. Conway

Message Me

What is Gender to You?

middle eastern musings

wla (re)animated

Gay Alert... No Entry, Abeer Allan

The Lavandar Woman

Girl gang conspiracy

The Shade of it All, Nina Berman

Microagressions

radical (self) love

feminist fires

Healing Domestic Violence Through Community, Gaby Ortiz Flores

Leslie Feinberg

Inside r out

&

Queer Prom, Queering Parents and Family,

Columns and Queer Me, J. Curtis Main

Oh SH*t now

Southern Belle and Jasmine Revolution

ex bibliothecis

The Feminine Mystique at 50, Jane Currie

New Levels

The “A” Word, Nichole F. Smith

Over the rainbow

The Power of One, Patrick Fina

OAD

quote corner

Honey Honey Miss Thang - “Shontae” Honey Honey Miss Thang - “Monique” Honey Honey Miss Thang - “Keisha” Honey Honey Miss Thang - “China” Honey Honey Miss Thang- “Detra” Ladies and Gents: Public Restrooms and Gender Playing With Boys,: Why Separate is Not Equal in Sports

BROAD Schedule 2013-2014 CONTRIBUTOR GUIDELINES BROAD MISSION AND PEOPLE

From Your Editor

Dear Readers, When given the opportunity to write to you on the LGBTQIA-focused issue, i was excited, but nervous. Why nervous? It had nothing to do with the subject. I am a queer female-identified student, majoring in Women and Gender Studies, and finds myself situated within this

community. Furthermore, I have aspirations to work with LGBTQIA youth, particularly with transgender individuals, within a non-profit organization. I hope to increase awareness and the voices of LGBTQIA youths who are struggling with and exploring identity amidst a society

whose “rules” can be oppressive. This BROAD ice “What’s Your LGBTIQ?” is, I hope, presenting this awareness and the voices of LGBTQIA society in a way that differs from my future goals, yet as equally effective-- through writing, art, media, and more.

On a personal level, I have explored my sexual orientation and, just the other day, I attempted to explain this to my partner. However, to me, it is a complex identity to sort out and explain in at words at points. In this same conversation I told my partner, “I am a queer,” something he was previously aware, yet that I nonetheless reemphasized. And he responded, “That could mean many things,” in which I replied, “Exactly.” And I am content with this openness. With some clarification, though, I am attracted to individuals, regardless of gender, with diverse sexual orientations. I have had people tell me that I am bisexual and, therefore, I am a slut, indecisive, and going through a phase. I have bee rejected on dates by females because I was seen as such. During this point in my life, I felt rejected by a community that I wanted to feel accepted in. However, after much exploring of my identity and attractions, I found that there is more to LGBT-- that there is a Q, an I, an A, and more (if we further open ourselves up to the idea of plural identities), and that there are those within the LGBTQIA community with greater acceptance than from the few I had previously interacted with.

After coming to Loyola as a transfer student. and taking Women and Gender Studies’ classes and cross-listed courses, I discovered voices, such as the well-known Kate Bornstein and Judith Butler. In Bornstein’s book Gender Outlaw I drooled with excitement over statements like, So there are rules to gender, but rules can be broken.”; and, “As a person’s identity keeps shifting, so do individual borders and boundaries.” To Bornstein, she did not hate the penis, but she hated that the penis made her a man in society’s eyes. Statements such as these opened me up and could open up many more individuals’ minds and outlooks in society. Yet in a recent interview with musician Morrissey from The Smiths, he made a statement that I ulti-

mately identified with. In describing his sexuality, he said, “In technical fact, I am humasexual.

I am attracted to humans.” This rang so true to me because this is me.

While you read this opening letter before you delve into the amazing works of the other editors, contributors, and Visiting Editors, I want to emphasize that the overall make-up of this issue as a whole is what makes it bigger statement than just my voice and my personal path. Read through and you will get a better picture of the voices that are the foundation(s) of this issue.

Katie Klingel, Gaby Ortiz, our Visiting Editors Shay Collins, Kendall Doerr, and Patrick Fina, and our columnists and contributors, have put forth a lore of effort into making this issue the way it is. I am humasexual, but there are many more identities to explore within this issue. I am only the starting point to this all. By the end of the issue, though, you may also find yourself asking the question, “What is/are my identity/ identities?”

Yours Truly, Emma Steiber Content & Section Editor

Visiting Editor

Shay Collins

Biography: Shay Collins is a Belizean American scholar, educator, learner, world traveler, and athlete. They self-identify as same gender loving and gender-non-conforming. Shay graduated from Arizona State University in three years with a B.A. in Arabic & Islamic Studies as well as a B.A. in Women, Gender, and Sexuality Studies. While attending ASU, they were granted a Critical Language Scholarship through the U.S. Department of State to continue their study of Arabic. Following graduation from ASU in 2009, they were awarded a William J. Fulbright grant to pursue research on gender identity formation and cultural associations of beauty in the Middle East. Shay lived and worked in Amman, Jordan for 12 months as an English teacher and researcher and had the opportunity to travel to several countries within the Middle East, Asia, and Europe.

Shay is currently pursuing dual masters degrees in Women’s Studies and Gender Studies and Social Work at Loyola University Chicago where they also work as a graduate assistant for the WSGS Program. As a recent inductee into Alpha Sigma Nu, the Jesuit Honor Society, Shay’s primary scholarship interests are ways to mobilize faith-based communities in the fight against HIV/AIDS and implementation of cross-cultural harm reduction strategies outside of the United States to address the spread of sexually transmitted infections. Their passion for social justice work is evident through their completion of internships at Between Friends Chicago, a domestic violence agency, and Jesse Brown V.A. Medical Center where they worked as a case manager for returning veterans from the Iraq and Afghanistan Wars.

Visiting Editor

Patrick Fina

Biography: My name is Patrick Fina, and I am most recently from the sunny Central Coast of California, but I have also called Georgia, Pennsylvania, and New Jersey home. (I’m not sure which accent is most pronounced, but I’m definitely linguistically confused.)

I studied Environmental Management and Protection as well as Religious Studies during my undergraduate at Cal Poly, San Luis Obispo. As cool as saving the world’s ecosystems were, I took a year as an AmeriCorps member to work in an LGBTQ Resource Center that was housed in none other than Cal Poly and fell in love with difference than education can make in social change - and in turn, social justice!

Being queer-identified, I can say I may get to be in some of the most thought provoking and heartfelt spaces that exist. I’m always discovering more about who I am and who I want to be, and the community I am a part of is probably the best place to grow into your “best self.”

Visiting Editor

Kendall Doerr

Biography: I decided to contribute to BROAD’s LGBTQ issue first and foremost because of how much I’ve gained and changed as a person within the queer community. I’ve found countless numbers of people who have been nothing but welcoming, encouraging, and wholeheartedly supportive of any and all aspects of my life within this circle of “queer”. I’ve found friends, mentors, and a chosen family who have all solidified my views of who I am and where I’m going in life, and I couldn’t ask for a better situation. It is because of my love for the people around me in this community that I wanted to share my words with BROAD. The idea of coming together with a bunch of people who have incredibly similar and radically different ideas about what LGBTQ means and how it affects us, and those we know, seemed like a really fantastic opportunity to have my own voice heard and also to hear the voices of others that I usually don’t get to hear. I think this issue in particular began with enormous potential to be something really great, and I’m extremely confident that the end product will be just that.

I’m a third-year undergrad student at LUC, majoring in Advertising and with minors in Marketing and Management.

I love just getting out and meeting different people in the queer community and learning about what’s important to them and what they think of the community as well. My friends host and DJ at a lot of events around town, so I usually go to those when I can.

We aren’t the only ones either. I know one where his older brother raped him and his brother let his friends rape him because he was gay

My uncle told her that I was gonna grow up and be a little sissy, and she smacked him, you know. So I guess my relatives saw things that she didn’t see or ignored in me.

So after that she started understanding men, and you know when men . . . so when the fellows were talking about faggot this and faggot that she always was, ‘Don’t hand me that shit because you probably fucking one too.’

I just can’t see myself with another homosexual. In other words, with another gay man who has played a variety of different roles in other relationships other than the man role.

She said, ‘What is this shit you got on your face?’ She smeared it all over my face, right, and then took her pocketbook and just bashed me upside the head and we went home, and she made me sit there and tell her about this party. To me that’s worse than an ass whooping.

- “Detra”

words are useless expression/commentary through art

“Scout’s Honor”

Artist: Anonymous Description: What is honor? Well it depends on the environment and the society one is immersed in. In an organization whose creation was originally based on honoring the masculine, this image, although so simple, represents how socially constructed a group can be, and how eaily this can be destabilized. Drawn in the fashion of a child’s drawing, this work redefines honoring the masculine, to honoring one’s own idenity and sexual orientation.

LGBTIQ

The Dangers of the Popular Gay Kid Elizabeth Meyer, PhD.

Happy National Coming Out Day (#NCOD) everyone!

I had two powerful experiences yesterday that are motivating me to write this post: first, I spent the afternoon speaking with local educators aboutbullying and LGBT youth. Second, I attended a wonderful #NCOD event hosted by Cal Poly’s Pride Center.

The dangers of the popular gay kid First things first: how is it dangerous for a school to have students who are out, proud, well-liked, and accepted by their peers? I hadn’t thought about this much until the conversations I was having yesterday.

I was talking with local educators about new laws in

‘out’ as gay, bi, lesbian, or trans*, that this school community is immune to problems with homophobia, biphobia, or transphobia. Principals, teachers, and parents, will rely on the story of this one successful student to deflect any threats or accusations that there may be homo-, bi- or trans- phobia present in their school.

However, research tells us that it is the students who are questioning their sexual orientation, or are gender-nonconforming (but not necessarily trans-identified), who are often subject to more severe and damaging exclusion, bullying, and harassment (California

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Principals, teachers, and parents, will rely on the story of this one successful student to deflect any threats or accusations that there may be homo-, bi-, or trans- phobia present in their school California to prevent bullying and promote the inclusion of LGBT people and people with disabilities in the K-12 curriculum. One respondent proudly stated that, “We have no issues with bullying and homophobia in my school because we have two out gay kids on my campus and everyone likes them. Same thing for the kids with disabilities—all the students welcome and accept them.” He went on to describe two students who had visible physical disabilities.

Another educator in the room paused and said, “Yeah, but what about the kids with invisible disabilities?

The ones who have a learning disability, or because of developmental issues are a little socially awkward, or have some other hidden disability? The kids seem to avoid them, tease them, give them a hard time.” I was grateful for that thoughtful interjection because I was torn between being an objective researcher and using it as a teachable moment. Our conversation continued in another direction, and so at the end of the focus group discussion I came back around and addressed the problem of ‘the popular gay kid.’ The problem these confident, resilient, charismatic student leaders offer is living proof that because they are

Safe Schools Coalition 2004, Bochenek & Brown 2001). In a 2008 study, Dorothy Espelage and her colleagues found the following: [S]tudents who were questioning their sexual orientation reported more teasing, greater drug use, and more feelings of depression and suicide than either heterosexual or LGB students. Sexually questioning students who experienced homophobic teasing were also more likely than LGB students to use drugs-alcohol and rate their school climate as negative. Finally, positive school climate and parental support protected LGB and questioning students against depression and drug use (Espelage, Aragon, Birkett & Koenig, 2008).

The importance of parental support in the health and resilience of LGBT youth has been underlined in several other studies. Youth who have the strong support of at least one adult family member have significantly more positive health outcomes than those who don’t.

Ryan and colleagues report that, “Family acceptance [of LGBT adolescents] predicts greater self-esteem, social support, and general health status; it also protects against depression, substance abuse, and suicid-

al ideation and behaviors” (2010). A similar study in Canada found that family support drastically reduced the risk of suicide in trans young adults (Trans PULSE, 2013).

So most of these stories of the popular gay student or the out and proud trans homecoming queen are stories of youth who generally have strong supports and a level of self-assuredness that is rare in adolescence.

That level of confidence is a strong vaccine against the virus of bullying. Bullies often target the weaker, the more vulnerable, the ones who lack a strong sense of themselves, and often the ones that other kids won’t stick up for. This is the danger that these proud youth pose; the danger of self-congratulatory smugness in a school. The danger of sending a message to their community that it is safe and secure for any young person to come out and express their full selves which then gives school leaders “evidence” that they don’t have a problem with homophobia. Exhibit A: popular out gay kid. Exhibit B: trans prom queen elected by her peers.

These exhibits do not prove anything. They just prove that you have some amazingly confident, charismatic, and resilient youth. We still have a culture that is actively, daily, homophobic, biphobic, and transphobic.

Schools are not immune, they are a product of this culture.

lend themselves to a simple coming out narrative. I want to remind us that these binaries of being closeted or out, of being gay or straight, of being cis- or transgender prevent us from seeing all of the diversities of experiences that exist under the sun. Although I appreciate and value what NCOD can mean for some people, I hope to continue challenging these discourses so I can soon see a time where people don’t need to come out, where heterosexuality isn’t presumed, where gender identities aren’t assigned, where it is safe and respected for everyone to simply be all of themselves, in all of their facets, with no need for binaries, labels, or explanations.

Originally published on 9/11/13 here: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/ gender-and-schooling/201310/the-dangers-the-popular-gay-kid

Coming Out—is it a good thing?

It is scary to come out. I came out again last night at the event hosted by Cal Poly’s Pride center. I didn’t think much about it at first. I am 100% out at work, to friends, to family, to anyone who knows anything about me. I have no problems with public speaking—I am a teacher. But just prior to taking the floor last night, I looked around and saw familiar faces: current and former students, colleagues, some casual acquaintances, and I got anxious. I was about to go up there and be vulnerable, share an emotional piece of me by telling my story. Even though I felt that I was in a safe and supportive space, I was scared. Even though I am happily married and have been out to my family for over 20 years, I was nervous. As I told parts of my story, I was surprised by the level of emotion that still came out as I reflected on that terrifying time: being 19, 20, 21 years old and facing rejection. Not knowing who would still love me, be my friend, support me, be part of my life after learning this about me.

I have practically based my career on the events that shaped and surrounded my coming out yet it was still hard. So, I am writing this post for all of the youth who are not ready, who are still questioning, who are on the borderlands and in the fluid spaces that don’t

[IQ]

broadside Expressions in poetry via street literature style

Walk With Me Eshe Bhairavi

How? How come? How come things aren’t seen in my eyes?

How come I can’t take them out, form them into eyeglasses, and make you see what I see?

that I-will-catch-it-when-you’re-being-a-pitch love, that I’ll-stand-up-for-you-if-you-have-nowhere-to- sit love, that if-you-can’t-fight-I’llmake-a-fist-love.

Maybe because that would hurt or maybe because pulling out muscle fiber after muscle fiber with my bare hands isn’t good enough for you, but I’ve always been told actions speak louder than words…

Yea, that’s what my homies possess, that holiness zest that keeps my heart pounding like the bass at a music fest. They support me like life because my life they support // They won’t abort the newborn child called love because it’s dysfunctional; love won’t end like punctuality. Reality doesn’t phase ‘em. I thank God they’re so amazin’, thank God for my blazin’ blood, his amazin’ son warms me through the blazing sun to reassure me that this game is won by one’s integrity…

No matter how hard I yell, no matter how hard I try and cast a verbal spell, no matter how well I speak to you, my words aren’t powerful enough.

But you - someone I look up to - look down on me, so tell me how am I supposed to strive if you won’t help me keep my dream alive?

But it’s cool, because I have dope friends that smoke dope and we cope with all our pain and it all feels the same, but once I French inhale and say “au revoir” to my past that looks like smoke when I exhale, my brain suddenly forgets the counterfeit shit you fed me with and I replace it with legit love…

That I-have-a-target and-I’ll-never-miss love,

Integration of bravado into a hated nation results in hated feelings and failed mental recuperations from worthlessness, destruction, malfunction of a perfectly human mind that’s humanely divine, but yet the Ad Council says a mind is a terrible thing to waste. What a paradox of orthodox ways, let’s get past this phase and let the hound and the fox play for days and days.

Forever I’ll daze for you to see what I see. Here, take my glasses and take a walk with me.

Oh I mean they rob you. They’ll rape you. Yes, and these things have happened to me. I’ve been raped.

Then label our ass with, ‘Here come the sissies!’ But yet just two hours ago, you know, you were all over me.

I think it is hard being black and gay. You have less advantages being black already, you know, and then to be gay and black, I mean, there are all the more reason to give you a no.

I didn’t graduate from school. I dropped out in the eleventh grade. I was promoted to the eleventh grade. I never went back. I was too busy growing titties and strutting my stuff on stage.

I never thought about why I was gay.

It never even bothered me.

I never even gave it a second thought, but I know that I can’t make nobody happy but me and living my life to make me happy this way, then I was going to do it.

- “Shontae”

LGBTIQ

A Family is a Family

Elvis Trouble

Everyone has things to think about when starting a family. It is something that will change your life forever. Some of the typical questions to think about include, Can we afford a child?; Will we have the space, getting on the same page about raising the child?; Can our marriage or relationship handle having a child, and are we ready and mature enough to be parents?

In my situation I have other things to worry about. I happen to be a transman and even though, from the outside, we look like your average married couple, my wife and I have a lot more to think about than the average person. It all started with deciding that we were ready to have a child. We did decide to wait until I was in a happy and comfortable place in my

life. For my personal experience this included starting testosterone and having my top surgery.

We always talked about having kids and knew we would make it happen. As the idea got more real, we talked more and more about how everything was going to work. A big thing is that mostly I live my life stealth. I am not ashamed of being trans and most of my close friends do know. However, I do not want to be known as the trans guy. That is only one part of me. I just want to be the man that I am. I waited and worked so hard to get to this place. One of the biggest questions is, though, how and when will I let my child know that I am trans? Of course I will tell my child because I am proud of my journey. I will also tell him or her that not everyone fits in a box and that families are different, and that’s okay. I want him or her to understand what it means to truly accept everyone for who they are-- no exceptions.

There is a part of me though that worries about how

that I did not care either way. Then I started really thinking, what will I do with a boy? I have no idea what it is like to be born a boy. This is something dads know and they understand that their boys can talk to them about certain boy things. Yes, I can teach them how to shave. I was lucky enough to have great facial hair growth. I do not want to be graphic, however, I have not had bottom surgery. Instantly, puberty came to my mind. How will I help my boy cope with things? How will I talk to him about sex?

Then I relaxed, talked to my wife, and took a step back. As I said before, there are many different types of families. Single mothers raise boys and everything is just fine. Lesbian couples raise boys and they too are fine. I was looking into this too much. My second question honestly was, if I had a boy would I feel any jealously because he was born the way I wish I had been born? This was concerning and I had to figure out how I was going to deal with this. There was an internal struggle going on for sure. After thinking

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As a father, I want to protect my child and my biggest fear is that my life choices can make his or her life hard my child will be treated if people find out that I am trans. When my child is in school later in life, will anyone treat him or her differently or with prejudice because of me? As a father, I want to protect my child and my biggest fear is that my life choices can make his or her life hard. This is something that I had to talk to my wife about a lot. Yet I came to terms with the fact that you never know exactly how it will play out, but can only control how you deal with what happens. After struggling a little I realized that I was going to be the best dad I could be, trans or not.

Now that we were ready it was time to figure out how to make this happen. In our case, we were lucky enough to find a donor. After we finally knew we were pregnant I could not wait to be a dad. I wanted to be the best dad. We decided that we were not going to find out the gender of the baby because, honestly, to us, as long as our baby is healthy, that is all we can ask for. But everyone starting asking, “Do you want a boy or a girl?� At first I kept saying

long and hard I can honestly say, though, that I am the man I am today because of my journey and also being able to experience life from both a female and male perspective. This unique opportunity has made me more of a feminist than I ever was before and this also made me not try to be the man I felt would make me fit in with biological men. I would not change this for anything.

The next thing that came to mind was how to deal with the fact that we did use a donor, so genetically this baby will not be mine. This was something that I did not have to think as much about. I know that this happens in families all the time. Whether an adopted baby, a stepchild, or a baby with surrogate blood, this is not what makes a baby part of your family. Being a dad is so much more than blood and chromosomes.

[IQ]

Bookmark Here Get Your Read On. Genre:

Price:

Non-Fiction $13.30

Released: 1997 Pages:

314

Back of Book / Quotes: By turns funny, passionate, angry, and joyful, Does Your Mama Know? reflects the complexity of emotions that accompany a black lesbian’s coming out. These short stories, poems, interviews, and essays-fiction and nonfiction- make up a groundbreaking and powerful collection of writing. Does Your Mama Know? is ready to take its place in the halls of literary African-American lesbian voices.

Pros: The coming out narratives come from individuals who self identify across the spectrum as lesbians, butches, femmes, bois, dykes, etc. The participants vary in age giving readers insight into the challenges and successes of coming out across the lifespan. Each story presents a unique perspective allowing readers to find a narrative they can relate to and feel empowered by.

Cons: Overall, the writing is superb; however, some of the stories should have undergone more editing before inclusion into the publication. Also, the anthology does not feature any stories from trans feminine individuals. This omission is clearly present and leads the reader to question whether there were no submissions from those who identify as trans feminine or whether their submissions were omitted because they did not fit within the confines of African American lesbianism delineated by the book’s title.

Career Call Women’s and Children’s Case Manager; Howard Brown Health Center: Shena Willbrandt Learn About the Workplace

1) Describe your job and its duties in one paragraph.

[SW] As the Women’s and Children’s Case Manager at Howard Brown Health Center I work with the Ryan White Part D Program to provide strength-based case management services to HIV+ adult cis/trans* gender women and youth.

Embracing a strength-based perspective not only allows the team I work with to meet each client where they are at, it also encourages us to look at the multitude of holistic needs a client may have. Operating from a feminist and harm reduction approach, I work to support and empower clients regarding their HIV health and wellness care, such as assisting clients in accessing social service programs or connecting clients to health and wellness services. My day-to-day work with clients includes tasks such as: discussing medication adherence during medical appointments, connecting someone to a mental health counselor, applying for housing or insurance programs on behalf of a client, providing a dental referral or facilitating a support group.

2) Why did you get the job?

[SW] Why I got the job and how I got the job is connected to the position I was previously in. My passion for deconstructing and resisting unjust systems of power has directed me to working with girls and women. This has enabled me to work in some kick-ass professional positions, such as a Girl Scout camp director, a group leader for a young women’s mentoring program and most recently, a sexual health advocate; so naturally my attention was sparked by this position opening in last year. I was already working for Howard Brown Health Center providing outreach services for LBTQ-identified

women for 2+ years. While I loved being out in the community discussing breast/cervical health and wellness, I found myself missing the one-on-one relationships with clients. I emailed the hiring manager about my interest in the Women’s and Children’s Case Manager position, was interviewed and incredibly lucky to be invited to join the team a month later!

3) Are you using or did you use some of your education for the job?

[SW] I have absolutely been able to use my education for this job! I think of women and gender studies as a transformative education opportunity. It is here that feminist academics meets political activism, offering students the chance to build critical consciousness and revolutionary ideologies regarding issues of oppression, unjust systems and repressive practices. I think in a world where so many of the clients and colleagues I work with and care for experience multiple forms of oppression, this kind of transformative perspective prevents me from compassion fatigue. Not only have I learned to look at each client as an individual person with a unique set of identities, my conviction in challenging the sacred-yet-biased intuitions that we hold close has been reaffirmed. Feminist and womanist philosophies have emboldened my everyday work with clients, making me a better case manager, social worker and soulful being.

4) Is this a job for the long-term? Why or why not?

[SW] I love a bold and challenging question! The reality is that my position, which is entirely funded by a federal grant via the Ryan White HIV/AIDS Program, can never be long-term in our current economic system.

As long as the position is funded by federal money that can be cut at any given moment, or during any government shutdown, it’s not sustainable. I’m incredibly fortunate to work with an amazingly supportive and revolutionary team, not to mention having remarkable clients who allow me to be a part of their everyday lives; this doesn’t change the fact that my job could be gone tomorrow. Our American government, which functions in a capitalist system, is maintained by interlocking systems of domination, meaning that only the people in power are supported or uplifted by this system. My revolutionary shero, bell hooks, discusses anti-capitalist politics as a kind of transformative power where critical consciousness converges with issues of class, race and gender.

Ask me this question again in the post-capitalist patriarchy where women’s health and HIV care are frontrunners in every important political discussion. I’m sure the answer would be, YES! 5) What are the strengths of the job?

[SW] The strengths of this job are unequivocally working with like-minded revolutionary people. The 8-person team I work on is full of justice superheroes (and sheros) who set about challenging the various injustices people living with HIV experience on a daily basis. But seriously, my colleagues keep me going because they not only support me unconditionally in a job that never seems to be done; they practice our case management strength-based, harm reduction inspired, feminist revolutionary principals in their personal lives. And that totally rocks!

Secondly, another strength of this job is that I really enjoy being able to provide services that are often times hard for clients to find elsewhere. Traditional Ryan White case management is almost entirely medical-focused, meaning that a case manager’s #1 priority is to get clients on anti-retroviral medications so that they can be virally suppressed. In the Chicago area clients can find HIV medical services and case management at a number of places, but when they work with us they receive culturally competent client-centered case management. The client determines the work I do and that’s important to me.

6) Weaknesses?

[SW] No, really; refer to the whole bit above about capitalism and working for a government-funded program.

A second weakness of this job is that the work is truly never done. Talk about compassion fatigue! For the 65-75 clients that I work with each month, I might be one of the only people in their lives that advocates and supports them. This means that when amazing happens, they want to share that with me; and when something awful happens, they want to share that, too. And finally, the case manager salary is a weakness. Working for a community health center during an economic decline where one can only hope their graduate degree earns slightly more money than their bachelor’s degree, it’s tough to make ends meet.

7) Would you recommend this job to others?

[SW] Absolutely! While this job is not without its stresses and challenges, it’s also been one of the most re-

warding and learning-filled job I’ve had! It’s especially exciting to be a part of the changing healthcare system in America; with the Affordable Care Act millions of people are eligible for insurance and I get to be a part of that work.

8) What level of survival and comfort did/do the benefits/pay allow?

[SW] As a full-time salaried employee, I receive two weeks of paid vacation, one week of personal time and too much sick time to count! Plus, the time off increases with tenure, so after almost four years of working at Howard Brown I currently receive three weeks of vacation. Not only do I receive much needed vacation and personal time, the agency and my supervisor are great about encouraging us to take the time when we need it. Second, although we have a high deductible for our health insurance coverage, all employees who work at Howard Brown receive free health services there. Any primary care or labs that we might need are totally covered by the agency. Previously this benefit was for employees on our agency insurance; however in the past 6 months we pushed the agency to extend free visits to our uninsured or part-time staff as well. As you can imagine, this has made a positive impact on our staff morale!

9) Share your most memorable experience(s) from the position; good, bad, funny, and ugly!

[SW] I have two memorable experiences from this position. The first is when I initially started the position in December; my new work team took me out to lunch. After lunch, a coworker brought out several pieces of vegan cake from the local bakery.

I mean, I was so touched! Not only did they think to celebrate my birthday with me even though my birthday occurred the month before I started the position; they also remembered me talking about moving towards a vegan lifestyle. In my previous years at the agency I might have received a card for my birthday, but my teammates really went all out to show my how much they care about and support me.

My second memorable experience in this position is a client that I completed my first-ever housing application with. It was still my first month on the job and this client was self-determined to find housing for herself and her kids.

Often times we hear from world-weary social workers that clients don’t want to “put any effort forth” in accomplishing goals, and honestly; I can’t think of one client I work with who this describes! This client was like, what do I need to do to make this happen? So we completed the 10-page application, faxed it in and waited to if any housing opportunities were available. Three weeks later the client called me from her new apartment, telling me she was there with her housing case manager and getting the keys to her new apartment. The client just kept thanking me so much for “all my help”. I not only congratulated my client on getting her new apartment, but I also thanked her for being patient and teaching me how to do a housing application. It was an awesome feeling to work together towards a client-driven goal and be successful in it!

Gaby Ortiz Flores

Radical (Self) Love An act you do for yourself is an act of Love.

Healing Domestic Violence Through Community

We see a lot of that beloved community coming out at times of extreme crisis, during Katrina, during other times of crises, after 9/11, when people who are different come together and work together. We have to talk about it, like any love relationship. As Rilke says, love itself is about work. It’s about the effort that you bring to it and the will, and so is community. Community is about what we bring to it, and community is based in knowing. I cannot really be with you in genuine community if I am not willing to know you. And to know you, I may have to know things that scare me or turn me off. ~Bell Hooks Several weeks ago I was watching a TED Talk video

by Leslie Morgan Steiner on why domestic violence victims don’t leave their abusers. I was listening to it while doing my lunch workout at work--probably not the best time to listen to things that are bound to move you to tears as TED talks often do but hey it works for me.

Leslie shared her own story of domestic violence as well as how she finally broke free. The most moving part of the video is when she talked about how one of the reasons that she didn’t leave was because she did not know that her partner was abusing her.

A knot came undone somewhere inside of me when I heard her say that. As a survivor of dating abuse, I did not realize that I was in an abusive relationship until the very end. Sure I knew it was an unhealthy relationship but I believed it was a combination of my fault and my partner’s stormy upbringing. I never once considered that what he was doing was abuse.

Like Leslie, I believed that my responsibility was to be an understanding and compassionate partner to my boyfriend of nearly seven years. He had things he needed to work through and I needed to not take his neglect, lack of care and consideration, verbal assaults, and emotional manipulation personally. I had to figure out a way to turn the other cheek and to be a supportive and loving partner no matter what.

Needless to say that this did not end well. My relationship finally ended in the fall of 2011 after nearly seven years of constant abuse. Like Leslie, however, the moment I started telling people my story, I initiated my liberation. I received so much love and support from every sector of my life that I am still moved to tears even now at the love that exists in a

community. I can say for a fact that I could not have liberated or healed myself without my community.

Unfortunately, not everyone is so lucky.

How many of you knew that October was both LGBT History month and Domestic Violence Awareness month? Most people don’t. What is striking, however, is that while each month has it’s own list of events, celebrations, and issues associated with it, they rarely overlap.

Where is the acknowledgment from our mainstream community that domestic violence occurs at the same rate in same sex relationships as it does in heterosexual relationships? Where are there support services for LGBTQI domestic violence survivors or even awareness about that issue? What about the transgender or genderqueer folks who often receive some of the worst abuses? Or even LGBTQI members of color who must already balance at least two marginalized identities? Where is there a space for all of these people to have community?

It’s hard enough to be a domestic abuse survivor or to belong to a marginalized community but when you are both, there seems to be even less support.

Police don’t take you seriously or certain members of your community may want you to keep quiet so you don’t invite even more discrimination towards your already demonized community. if you’re a person of color, you may experience this lack of care and community to an even greater degree.

Except you need the support of community when you are a domestic violence survivor. You need to feel safe, you need to be reassured of your worth, and you need someone to believe in you because the trauma you just suffered cannot be healed by you alone. In order to fully heal, you need to learn to trust yourself but also learn to trust in others again.

That’s where community comes in and why community is so important. It’s not enough to support hetersexual, cisgendered survivors of domestic violence, we need to start moving towards building more awareness, more services, and more community for our LGBTQI community members who are also survivors of domestic violence. Only then can we truly start healing whole communities from the impact of abuse.

words are useless expression/commentary through art

Yo

ou Are Not Defined By Your Body

Artists: Brooke Rosner, Francesca Ebel-sweett, and Trent Crawford

Description: “You are not defined by your body” is a photographic com

el-sweett and Trent Crawford. Created using some stolen film and a Fuji his penis between his legs and a woman wearing a strap on. This image female, which in this current day don’t allow much room for androgyny physical being that defines you as male, female or somewhere in betwee be comfortable and accepting of others and ourselves

mpilation created by Melbourne based artists, Brooke Rosner, Francesca Ebifilm Instax 7. The idea steamed from an image of a couple featuring a man with triggers thoughts on gender roles within society and the categories of male and within society. We chose to explore this; expressing the idea that it is not your en; a conflict that many people face. Without this categorization we are free to

J. Curtis Main

Inside R Out? White? Male? Feminist? YES

Queer Proms, Queering Parents & Familes, and Queer Me

Part One: Prom When I was in high school, I went to my prom with a man, Cory. First, though, we went to his prom together a week before. And after that, I went to my friend William’s private Catholic high school prom.

We were all stared at, some stares were perhaps just from curiosity or longing, but most were malicious and angry. William had to get special permission to take me; it was the first time a same-sex couple went to prom at his school. I met my best friend there that night, luckily, since I spent most of the night very uncomfortable from the lack of support. That didn’t stop me, though, from tramping up my solo dance to “Slave 4 U” by Britney when it came on. I figured, “Well, I am already on their shit list, might as well rub it in a little.”

I will never forget my parents’ reaction, just a month or so later, to me taking a man to my own prom.

They said I ruined my kid sister’s prom. She was a first year in high school. Yes, her prom. “How could I have been so selfish?” they demanded to know. I was so furious with them at that time, and with her for being selfish. Little did I know that many of her classmates picked on her a lot for her queer brother; a lot. But still, it was my prom.

These three proms did not stop me from going to a local queer prom put on by UNC-Greensboro that same year. Why did I go? Support. And what is ironic is that I went to the queer prom alone. I did not need a date! Everyone there was a friend and good time. I had a blast that night. The only stares I got did not bother me in the least.

Now, my heart warms when a trans teen wins the prom pageant, or same-sex couples go to prom and there is not just the turning of heads, but the raising of glasses. Indeed, I hope they even enjoy themselves!

Part Two: Parents When I was young, and Ellen had her first run at a talk show, my mom would demand that whoever had the remote control to the TV immediately change the channel from that “filth” or “trash” when a seemingly queer person would be on. Madonna, Ellen, Melissa Etheridge- my Mom made her open angst toward their queerness thick. I carried this angst deeply- a deep sadness that my mom must think her two queer kids, one out and the other not yet (me), gross, wrong, not to be viewed or trusted.

My dad was more bold. He would say things, mean, disparaging, hateful things, about gay men and lesbians to me most of my childhood. They were not directed toward me, but I was certainly an intended audience. He told my brother and I that he did not want us to turn our queer like our sister. He shamed me and her, too, and in his hatred you could hear confusion and hurt. You could tell he did not understand. I figured, until I was outed by my brother at 18, that my father would have little to do with me once he knew. I figured I would no longer matter much to him. That hurt real bad.

For years, my best friend mulled over her parents, and especially her father. Should she come out to him, to them? She knew her father to be very openly homophobic. Like mine, her father often made disparaging and hateful remarks. For years, she shared her pain and sadness with me. And when she finally did come out, her father disowned her and made her feel like nothing with his words and actions. For years, through two important relationships for her, her father treated her like something other than his child--like an enemy. During all of this, her mother quietly offered support, sometimes, but rarely did her mother challenge her father. For years, I listened to my best friend’s pain, conflict, and abandonement by her parents. It ripped me up inside.

On a recent road trip with my family, my father referred to the pedophilic football coach as “gay.”

My face turned red and my stomach turned. He and I get along well these days, and he is a changed person. But where did this come from? My father thinks gay men are pedophiles? So I asked him directly. He said, “Right, aren’t men who go after kids gay?” I said, “No, Dad, they are pedophiles. So does this mean you think I am a pedophile?” He said, “Well, no, not you.” I tried to explain a sexuality toward controlling and taking advantage of children (pedophilia) and one toward consensual attraction/ sex toward the same sex (gay/lesbian), but he still seemed to think they were the same. I felt like a stranger to him, and more than that, dangerous and misunderstood, and that hurt.

Countless friends of mine, friends I have had for years and consider family, are often pushed away from their families, even though they try. Recently, my sister’s girlfriend proposed to her, and my sister said yes and was so elated and full. But she was not sure our father would care. The years of displeasure he shared had taken a toll on their relationship, and

my sister did not know my father had changed. I had to convince her to tell him about her engagement. I cannot imagine how she must have felt.

When I go into the houses of my dear queer friends’ families, I often see very little open support. Pictures of same sex lovers together, of queer lives, of transitioned bodies/lives, of drag performances, of queer related achievements, these are harder to find on picture mantles and Facebook posts and images. Indeed, to this day, through more than three long term relationships, my parents have had one picture of me with a partner in their house that they put up themselves (and there was a woman with us!). In college, my mother told me that she would not put any pictures of me and Carlos (my ex) up until Holly (my sib) was out of the house, because it would upset her and may even persuade her that it was ok to be that way. I felt little support from my parents for my first intense and deep, meaningful relationship.

Now, things have markedly improved. I look back at the more than 13 years of being out, and I see so much progress and increasing support. My best friend’s parents, especially father, have come around after nearly a decade. My own parents are almost to the point where they see me again! Not that I ever left. But when I came out, they had a terrible, stereotyped view of my life of loose sex, loneliness, oddities, failures, and ultimate death from HIV/AIDS. These days, they listen, and have come such a long way, and I am proud of them like they are proud of me. Other friends, too, have seen improvements with their parents.

Part 3: Work My first real job, at Personalized Treasures & Engraving, I had the best and worst boss, Bill. He was an incredible boss, but one hell of a biggot. The things that would come out of his mouth would make me want to punch him! He hated on women, racial minorities, queer people, and others. He was so uncomfortable and insecure. He taught me so much about work, though, and helped me build an incredible work ethic and skill set. For three years it was mostly him and me. I would try to balance his bigotry with his excellent station as a boss. I always knew, though, that if he ever found out I was queer, he would most likely turn on me.

Outside of the very supportive jobs I had at UNC-Chapel Hill, the same pattern arose. The mostly white, straight men that were my managers and boss-

es would spout racist, sexist, and homophobic slurs, jokes, and decisions ALL the time, even with many of their employees belonging to these groups. I remember specifically hearing from a manager at Caroline Ale House, where I worked for three years, that no gay or black people would ever make it behind the bar (as bartender), and no women would ever be managers again (after one female manager quit; keep in mind I had over 20 managers in three years!). Most of the bartenders at Carolina Ale House, Applebees, The Cheesecake Factory, and The Washington Duke Inn were straight, or white, or male, or usually, all of the above. To be promoted from server to bartender is a big deal in the food service industry, and often means a raise of tens of thousands of dollars. Yet again, homophobia, racism, and sexism triumphed. We felt put down and without options to advance.

Now, at Loyola University Chicago, at least in my division (of student development), it is a much different and changing story for the better. Minorities of all types are leaders, are my supervisors, are heralded both for their work and their identities. Where I was not considered for a promotion repeatedly for not fitting into their good old boys’ club before, now, at LUC, I am considered. My queer, black, female, minority friends and family are being considered valuable and worthy of jobs, promotions, and leadership positions at LUC and elsewhere. 10, 20, 30, 50 years ago, this would not happen as much or at all.

Part 4: Children When I was five years old, up until yesterday when someone I asked, I loudly and happily declared that I wanted kids, at least 4-6. All throughout my childhood, I declared this. As I got older, into my teens, it changed to “I want to adopt 4-6 kids.” More recently, it has changed to “I want to adopt 4-6 kids, whether I am single or partnered.” See a pattern? Since I was cognitive, I have wanted kids. Yet when I came out, almost everyone responded differently, or often not at all, to me wanting kids.

Most people, gay, straight, queer, don’t ask me if I want kids. Or if I mention it, their response is not nearly as detailed and positive as it might be to a straight couple, or a woman. Especially as a single person, the response I often get is kind of, “well, errr, ok, even if you are single, and queer? And you want to adopt? And you don’t have a preference for white kids?” I get questions more than support, or acknowledgement. I see others, family members, colleagues, strangers, get more support for the same

remarks. Again, I have not changed, and neither has my desire to parent and adopt. But you would think I wanted to do something revolutionary! Parenting is not revolutionary. Being queer and parenting is not revolutionary. Being queer, parenting, and adopting is not revolutionary. These are all things that have been happening for thousands of years. So where is the support, the excitement? Luckily, I have enough of my own that it does not sway me. But it still stings.

In high school and college, I realized that one day, it is possible that my queer female friends might ask me to be a sperm donor someday. I am a supportive friend, and I do not think biology makes a family nor is biology destiny, so considering donating my sperm to help someone or some couple start a family is something I would mostly likely do. A good friend of mine offered to carry a baby for me, and it really hit me to the core in a meaningful, loving way. I know she believes in me. My sister did the same, offering to carry for me in the future. She did it without hesitation and reminds me constantly. I feel their love, I feel their support, even if I only plan to adopt.

When parenting comes up with my own parents, there is nearly no support mentioned, and almost always no response. It is like I never made a comment as simple as, “I am thinking about adopting.” Seriously, it is like I never even said it out loud one would think. Many people’s parents harass them about starting families.

Mine? Never. I have never once heard either of my parents push me to start a family, or even bring it up.

Again, that burns. A lot.

In the past few years, the idea of surrogate mothers and donating sperm has come up among friends, and I even mentioned it as a possibility to my parents.

Again, little acknowledgement, and mostly disappointment. Having family members, especially parents, my parents or other people’s parents, support us as queer children is a milestone, and then to support us as queer parents? Someday, I hope.

Now, right now, I feel growing support. I know that as soon as I adopt my first child, no matter their age, race, or ability, my parents will jump swiftly into grandparent mode, and they are amazing grandparents. And after a few years, I know they will think less and less about adoption versus biology, or queer parent versus straight, or single parent versus coupled.

I have faith in them. As for my queer friends, I also foresee familial support growing.

Part 5: Me From second grade to eighth grade, every night, I wished to myself, to god, and to everyone, that I was not queer. Every night. I did not want to be hated, to be considered wrong and strange and perverted. One day, in eighth grade, in my mind, I literally remember thinking “fuck it, this is who I am.” From that day forward, I felt strong, able, powerful, and most importantly, okay. I was finally okay with my queerness. I was ready to bring it to the world and I was up for the challenge.

Yet, to this day, it is still a challenge. Whether work, family, parents, dating, and so on, there are still daily obstacles that test my person, that test my abilities to move on and progress. One of the most painful challenges, still, is queer people’s shame. I see self-destruction, loneliness, feelings of worthlessness, detachment, drug use, abuse, using others selfishly, transphobia, racism, and many other ills in LGBTIQ folk. I see a lot of this coming from the challenges others inflict upon us for being LGBTIQ plus other intersecting minorities. If you look closely, at me and lots of other LGBTIQ folk, you will certainly find pride, but you will find pain. Pain from being bullied, forgotten, erased, hurt, shamed, excused, ignored, denied, overlooked, stepped on, criminalized, controlled, gendered, fetishized, ghettoized, cornered, and most of all, excluded.

I continue to look forward to positive change, for LGBTIQ people, for all people. And I have hope.

And I thank the people, including my parents, sister, friends, and family, who found the power in themselves to change.

broadside Expressions in poetry via street literature style

A Study of My Mom and My Hair Mar Curran

I. my mom bought me a dress polka dot top with striped skirt and suspenders i cut my own hair to match my care bear dad said girls have long hair i still feel the brush ripping my scalp i hate those knots II. my mom bought me a purple plaid skirt bondage pants, mesh sleeves i begged good student she bought my black hair dye took me to get my first short cut my dad said girls have long hair i still smirk at how frizzy it got III. my mom told me to wait until after my graduation party to cut off all my hair long ringlets for the pictures my smirk painted crimson, period blood red in the next photos i have shaved sides eyes surrounded by black rings i am not smirking, real smile i cut the rest off myself after a gay white man with scissors told me too short wouldn’t be cute it’s not my job to be a cute haircut my dad didn’t notice for three days told me girls have long hair i went to college and came out genderqueer IV. my mom has had a bob since i was a small child did my dad tell her girls have long hair?

V. when i used to cry a lot, getting my hair brushed my mom would sigh and whisper, “don’t tell your dad” before she would cut out the knots sparing me all the unnecessary pain i love my mother VI. my mother still hates my short hair

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MadAds Busted Advertising, Bustling Economy

• Who is depicted?

• Who is left out?

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• What do these ads say about queer men?

• What do these ads say about queer culture?

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Karla Estela Rivera

Mama Says...

Mutinous Musings of an Urban Mami

Raising Your IQ Through the Personal Narrative

It was one of those weddings you tell everyone about. The theme was “Love, Fun, Adventure.” The Adventure portion consisted of about 15 of us camping for two days in the Taos Junction Campground, a place nestled deep in the New Mexico desert next to the Rio Grande. We hiked, ate our meals together, did Yoga, swam in the river, admired our view of the Milky Way at night – a majestic sight for Chicagoan eyes. At six months pregnant, the views and the community shared made the desert hike and sleeping on a tiny foam “mattress” a non-issue.

The Love & Fun portions were spent in the La Mesilla neighborhood of Espanola, NM. Built on the top of a bluff, the yard overlooked the Rio Grande River, Black Mesa, and the Jemez Mountains (in truth, the love and fun were everywhere). This is also where the wedding took place on a crisp September evening in 2011. At dusk, about 100 of us gathered in a circle around our dear friends and the ceremony began. The couple opened up the floor for each of us to say a few words. Children handed out L.E.D. light-up rings, emitting a rainbow of blinking light as we took turns sharing memories, giving advice, and witnessing the union of two beautiful people, Fil and Tim. I provide this prologue because it’s a story I tell a lot.

It’s the framework for the wedding my fiancé and I are planning. This event happened prior to the wave of states that have passed marriage equality laws. It was a union representative of ceremonies that have been going on for ages – unrecognized declarations of lifelong partnership. Many of which have lasted longer than the most “legit” nuptials. But I digress.

Let’s get back to this incredible moment I’ve witnessed. For me, it wasn’t just a monumental life event for two people I loved very much. It became a teaching tool.

I’ve dedicated the greater part of my professional life to youth work, mostly with urban teens in high-need communities. Whether I was teaching a playwriting class, or running a job-readiness workshop, the work is steeped in helping them navigate through one or more struggles - poverty, education inequity, community violence, the “not from here, nor from there” experienced by many first-generation immigrant children, teen pregnancy, and discrimination on multiple levels. My deep belief in the power of the personal narrative is the compass by which I guide my work.

In great moments of struggle, and moments of great

joy, we all have a story to tell that can help provide the light at the end of the tunnel and help others realize that they are not alone. The power of the personal narrative is something I grew up with. My grandmother was a poet and writer, whose autobiography serves as testimony of the experiences and struggles of the generation Puerto Ricans who made the first large migration to this country. My uncle has connected with generations of educators and students for decades by sharing his story of growing up in poverty, becoming a high school drop out, who through mentorship and reading autobiographies made his way to Harvard, receiving his Master’s and PhD. Having grown up with this lens, I see every experience as a teaching tool. As such, the events of that week in September became a part of my toolbox, my way of humanizing our LGBT brothers and sisters to a largely straight crowd. It also became an additional bridge by which I connected with the LGBT youth I worked with. The majority of youth that participated in my programs came from families that operated on traditional frameworks with clearly defined gender roles and expectations, leaving little room for understanding the unique struggles of an LGBT child.

So this event, and the stories that come with it, are invaluable to a child who is trying to navigate the inner conflict of their personal identity. For them, this became their storybook wedding and something attainable.

The LGBT IQ is tied to learning the His/Herstory of the movement and its key players both in the US and globally and is incredibly crucial in growing a space that is safe for differences. But for me, this is also tied to sharing one’s personal narrative. This can save lives. The more “It Gets Better” stories we hear, the more we encourage our LGBT youth to guide workshops that challenge the way the community is talked about (as I saw last year at the Instituto Justice and Leadership Academy’s Urban Student Symposium), the more we as allies share testimonies of the love we witness in both recognized and unrecognized same sex unions, and the less we allow hurtful language to pass through our ears without having a teaching moment, the higher our collective LGBT IQs will become.

Feminist Fires Leslie Feinberg

Major Works: - Journal of a Transsexual (1980) - Stone Butch Blues (Novel- 1993) - Transgender Warrior: Making History From Joan of Arc to Dennis Rodman (1996) - Trans Liberation: Beyond Pink or Blue (1999) - Drag King Dreams (Novel- 2006) - Rainbow Solidarity in Defense of Cuba (2009)

Inspired by:

Feinberg is inspired by the transgender oppression ze experienced and observed in the 1960s, pre-Stonewall riots. The beginnings of raising LGBTQIA awareness and the allies ze gained growing up influenced ze’s voice in grass roots activism. The drag community in Toronto and southern Ontario, near where Feinberg grew up as a young teen, became major influences in her growth as a trans individual and a member of the LGBTQIA community (noted in 1996 interview with Julie Peters).

Inspires:

Having been a member of the LGBTQIA community since ze was young, Feinberg has become a great inspiration to the LGBTQIA communities and continues to speak at Pride rallies, protests, and colleges and universities. Most importantly, Feinberg influences the diversity of trans voices and promotes intersectional bonds between LGBTQIA groups and other movements.

Personal Life:

Feinberg’s novel Stone Butch Blues won the American Library Association’s Lesbian and Gay Book Award and the Lambda Award, while ze’s nonfiction work Transgender Warriors won the Firecracker Alternative Book Award. Feinberg lives with poet-activist and life partner Minnie Bruce Pratt.

Feinberg is a political organizer, trade unionist, internationalist, anti-racist, and socialist Importance to Social Justice:

A grass roots transgender activist for the trans community, Feinberg promotes multiple forms of gender expression and the intersectional struggles of trans people. Feinberg’s novel Stone Butch Blues emphasizes ze’s beliefs on how the struggles of race, class, and desire/attraction intersect in trans individuals’ lives. Furthermore, Feinberg’s novel raises awareness on trans people who have been sexually wounded through particular forms of oppression, such as rape or incest (noted in 1996 interview with Julie Peters). Her non-fiction work Transgender Warriors analyzes the history of transgender oppression. According to ze’s biography on ze’s website transgenderwarrior.org, Feinberg, as a national leader of Workers World Party and managing editor of Workers World newspaper, aims to connect the lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans communities. Furthermore, Feinberg takes an intersectional approach with these bonds by connecting these communities’ struggles to those movements related to “oppressed nationalities, women, disabled, and the working-class as a whole.”

tell-a-vision visions & revisions of our culture(s)

Big Dipper: “Meat Quotient”

A queer rap artist from Chicago, Big Dipper challenges society’s boundaries that are put on self-expression. Big Dipper’s known presence on the music and LGBTQIA scenes has grown over the past year or two. Voicing sexuality and desires as an individual who is part of the LGBTQIA community, Big Dipper shows that sex is one’s right. His music video “Meat Quotient” (highlighted above) is a good example of his expression as an artist.

Questions: What do you see in his vision?

Who is included? Who is excluded?

How does this differ from and/or relate to popular music videos?

broadside Expressions in poetry via street literature style

I love you.

But I could probably think of a hundred theoretical justifications to make that shit seem less romantic.

And I could probably ignore the tears and the butterflies with heartless semantics.

But I just can’t shake this stubborn desire of mine to want to trade the I for us, the intimacy for lust, the skepticism for trust.

And I just don’t understand it.

But I could systematically plan my life, and I could intellectually prove the evils of being your wife, and I could make you out as the oppressor to make shit a little more black and white, But the truth is I’m in the grey.

The truth is, I become a little bit more dependent on the idea of you each day, and the more I feel the more I want to run away.

So I’m standing here wondering how much more of this internal hypocrisy I can take.

Because it’s more likely that your not the enemy.

And it’s more probable that you’re just as a part of me as the brown on my skin.

And I figure this much because the truth is, you’re the most beautiful reflection of this life that I’m living in.

And you seem to be the most effective means of

lighting my spirit whenever the flame is ge dim.

And the chances of me becoming a whole man being without letting you make me sm seem very slim.

So I’m in the grey, but I’m in the grey because I hate your ass damn well, and if you were to ever step me and ask m why?

BOY! Off the dome I would have 152 stories to te

#1 starting with you still blaming me that manity fell, and this bullshit idea that my sexuality cou ever condemn me to hell.

Not to mention the 5000 years of oppress and that point in time where any woman who decided to undermine the patriarchal domination was killed on bass being a witch.

Fast forward to story #139 you privileged me with the option of being Hoe? Or a bitch? never allowing me to conceive that the opt of learning about my own divinity exists.

Fast forward to story #151.

You played me.

I wasn’t able to live my life around you, So you found a woman who could.

I wasn’t willing to show you my weakness

In the Grey Erica Granados De La Rosa

etting

humile

s so

me

ell! hu-

uld

sion

e ses of

ga

tion

and

become emotionally dependent on you, so you found a woman who would.

And after all that bullshit, I disrespected myself and came crawling back to you like you told me I should.

And you left me on the floor feeling worthless.

Story #152.

You make every single day, from the moment I wake up, an internal struggle.

Every couple of hours I in some way shape or form compare myself to another in hopes that one day I will be more aesthetically and intellectually pleasing to you.

So I wake up and I curse my body in the mirror, and I paint my face, and I burn my hair, and eat very little, so that I might be worth talking to.

This is the burden that you create for me.

It’s the same burden that my foremothers have carried for centuries.

But I am blessed to be able to say ///Tlazokamati Tonanztin///

In native tongue I am able to confess that I am the daughter of the divine, and as a reflection of her she reminds me that we are one and the ability to give life and love are all mine.

So I could sit here and continue to prove that the oppression you have continued to create is the worst of all time, But I won’t.

Because although I will never allow you to forget that this oppression is real, I also choose to give birth to a process where these wounds can heal.

You see, even the great energies are dependent on each other.

The Existence of the sun is vital to the existence of the mother.

And I believe if we are ever to be truly free we must first choose to liberate the humanity within one another.

And so if you get anything from this long ass poem, I hope you understand that the freedom of our humanity is at stake.

And although we may not always understand this and we may seem like walking contradictions, I LOVE YOU? should be all that we have to say And until you realize this‌ we will both continue to live confused and alone in the grey.

Coercive sex segregation remains the norm in elementary and middle school, even before reported sex differences triggered by puberty have yet to show.

In the end, sex testing was profoundly damaging to many demale athletes who gained no competitive advantage to chromosomal abnormalities and yet felt exposed and humiliated.

Athletics should be gender-neutral, a human activity and not a pumped up, artifical rendition of men’s strength and women’s weakness as a definition of sex identity.

The problem with sex segregation, as initially permitted by Title IX, however, is that it was never based on how attributes of particular sports corresponded to attributes of being male or female.

- Eileen McDonagh and Laura Pappano

words are useless expression/commentary through art

Chic-Fil-A Protest

Artist: Patrick Fina

Description: My undergraduate university was the only Chic-Fil-A for a good for (which to many of us felt more like 窶話e actively un-supportive to LGBTQ folks an of local activists (myself included) descended to make our opinions known. For a support Chic-Fil-A throughout the surrounding towns and counties that local org haven of the food court that housed the Chic-Fil-A express.The photos were all ta home, so made do with what I had in my backpack. All exposures and whatnot w Chic-Fil-A is still there, and still doing well. The administration held fast that con

rty miles in any direction.When the National ‘Support Chic-Fil-A Day’ occurred nd feel okay about doing it, because you know, first amendment rights’), a group a bit more background information, there was enough of a crowd that wanted to ganizations actually rented and paid for charter buses to deliver them to the safe aken with Arista Black and White Film, 100 ISO. I had left my digital camera at were calculated using my best intuition and the notion of the ‘sunny 16’ rule. ntracts were contracts, and that all were entitled to share their opinions.

LGBTIQ

What Gets in the Way of Sharing?

Shay Collins

I contemplated the topic of this narrative for two weeks. Many things came to mind, mostly stories from the past and lessons learned, but nothing felt appropriate to share. I’d start writing something only to “select all” and delete it later. The question that kept coming to mind was what gets in the way of sharing? The answers that replayed in my mind were, culture, upbringing, and future aspirations.

Although I was born in the United States, I was raised and socialized to appreciate, love, and embody Belizean culture. My worldview, the decisions I make, and the life that I lead have all been impacted by my upbringing and cultural legacy. Belizeans will often joke that the Goddess of Privacy watches our country-keeping people silent about things like infidelity, sexuality, and domestic violence. No one “comes out” in Belize because a history of colonialism and Catholicism have engrained in the people that “batty-mannry” aka homosexuality is a sin and

What I can share is that I am a queer, gender non-conforming, first generation American of the global majority who possesses an immigrant perspective. Even though this narrative is merely a snapshot of a moment in time because of the permanent nature of the Internet, it will live on in perpetuity. I hope that in addition to my sexuality, my family, future employers, and constituents, will recognize that whom I love does not detract from how deeply committed I am to making sure that people always have enough of everything they need to feel happy, healthy, and whole.

B

How do I share my private truths with the world when my past upbringing holds me silent in fear that my present actions will negatively impact my future? everybody knows the wages of sin are ostracism, persecution, and possibly death. Thus, how do I share my private truths with the world when my past upbringing holds me silent in fear that my present actions will negatively impact my future?

Someday soon, I want to be a politician. There are very few arenas where people of the global majority are given the keys to their own liberation but political spheres can become those places. I want the responsibility that comes with making decisions around policy implementation and seeing the impacts of those decisions for better or for worse. I look forward to a time when people will say, “Shay made decisions based on conscience and integrity rather than money, fame, or political pressure.” That want for my future influences what I will, can, or think that I can share about my sexuality in a nation where holding an LGBTQ identity and experiencing equality under the law are not realties.

[IQ]

tell-a-vision visions & revisions of our culture(s)

Call Me Kuchu http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tn2fwqrejhE

In Uganda, a new bill threatens to make homosexuality punishable by death. David Kato - Uganda’s first openly gay man - and his fellow activists work against the clock to defeat the legislation while combating vicious persecution in their daily lives. But no one, not even the filmmakers, is prepared for the brutal murder that shakes the movement to its core and sends shock waves around the world.

Questions: 1. Do you think the filmmaker’s race and ethnicities, two white Americans and one white British national, had any impact on the way the issues in Uganda were presented?

2. Should the international community intervene on behalf of sexual minorities in Uganda? If so, on what grounds and what type of intervention would be appropriate?

3. What are some strategies activists can use to address and inform individuals in support of the Ugandan law for morality reasons?

I think they called me a faggot when I went off to school because I had long hair, I didn’t walk like a boy, I didn’t want to play tag with the boys, I wanted to jump rope with the girls.

A black gay man goes through so much hell. If they get the job, they have to go through so much to get it, and the white man doesn’t.

A white gay man can get a job in a snap.

I realized that I was gay when I was in the sixt grade. I was in school at Tenth and Draper, and a guy named Timothy Goods, he said that he’s gonna show me what I am today and it wouldn’t hurt me. He had sex with me in the bathroom of the school. It hurted. It bled.

I feel very unclean. I feel disgusted. There is times I walk out and cry. There were actually times I actually walked out and have the money and cry. Why I cry? Because it’s disgusting the things that I have to do in life to make it today.

- “Monique”

broadside Expressions in poetry via street literature style

Q Cafe G

I lived in the Savannah, Georgia area for ten years – and it was only after I moved to the West Coast that I felt I was in an area that was safe enough for me to come out. That being said, I find myself more and more drawing from the friends in the Savannah area (they know I’m out now) to guide me and check me on ways to facilitate dialogue and create places for folks to express themselves.

One of those good friends, Alex, currently works with a program called Deep in the Savannah area. Their website (deepkids.com) provides a great overview of what they are, but I have been summarizing it recently as an after school program that engages middle school students to own their creativity through the writing process.

We swapped a few phones calls and lesson plans that finally ended with me purchasing a copy of their guide – “The cure for IDK: 36 writing lessons to make your students LOL.” It’s designed for grades 6 – 8, but the activities are far too interesting to not use them as someone who likes to think they’ll someday be a professional.

I worked with Alex to pick an exercise and integrated it into the “on coming out…” session of Q-Café, which is a program run through Student Diversity and Multicultural Affairs. Q-Café aims to merge the importance of dialogue with the creative outlet of open mic sessions. These items only reflect a small amount of what was created. All images are from out LGBTQIA photographers, and all written pieces are from members of the Loyola community.

- Patrick Fina

Gets Deep

Southern Belle and Jasmine Revolution

Oh Sh*t Now Overcoming Toxicity in Relationships

Jasmine Revolution: I think one of worst parts about being in an abusive relationship is the feeling of isolation. I remember feeling so alone. It didn’t matter that there were people in my life who cared about me, I felt a million miles away from them. He used to tell me that I didnít know how to be alone, that I always needed to be with a partner. He believed that I didn’t know how to function without him. Somehow he had gotten into his head that I needed him more than he needed me. I knew he was wrong but my objections grew weaker over the course of time as all of my defenses did. When he left for his last trip to India and he cut

off communications with me even though we were still in a relationship, I didnít know what to do. My body ached from the intense aches of loneliness and longing I felt. I remember thinking that maybe he was right after all, I didnít know how to be alone.

There could be no other reason for how I was feeling. His neglect was my fault. That is what he wanted me to believe. I believed it until we broke up and I was released from a long spell. I saw how much love and care people were capable of and for the first time, in almost seven years I did not feel lonely. The nearly seven years he and I were together were the loneliest years of my life. I often think about how

other people in these situations. Lately, I’ve been thinking about the LGBTQ community and abuse, there’s so much silence that prevails around abuse.

October is Domestic Awareness month but in all the celebrations of LGBT History month throughout the country where are the discussions around these two communities’ survivors of domestic violence and members of the LGBTQ community? Why are these voices hidden?

Southern Belle: They are quite hidden. Indeed, police and professional responses to LGBTIQ domestic violence and harassment are far from acceptable and are often inept and abusive in ways. Some of the issues arise from gender stereotyping. When two men argue and fight, people may assume that men are aggressive and violent, so it is natural. When two women argue and fight, people may assume that women are emotional and less prone to physical violence (look the other way or do not believe it), so it is natural.

I have been in situations involving police with both same sex and heterosexual couples. There were huge issues with police response to both. For the woman and man situation, there was immediate assumption that the man was the violator and aggressor, and that the woman was the victim. Actually, in one situation, it was opposite. Yet, the man fled because he knew that the police would most likely blame him.

For the same sex situation, the police brushed it off, and even said, as if it were that simple, for the couple to just stay in separate living spaces, even while they lived together and one was being harassed and attacked. The police even scoffed at the idea of two same sex people fighting within the confines of a romantic partnership. One of the officers even threatened to arrest the victim when they questioned the officerís crappy response.

There are also interesting gender dynamics to same sex abusive relationships. Most often, boys are taught to withdraw emotionally, and when engaged emotionally, to lash out with aggression and violence as methods of communication. And most often, girls are taught to emote, sometimes in excess. Think about how many young girls scream at the smallest things, even some women still scream in unnecessary situations. Girls are taught to withhold aggression, and instead to talk, to express, to communicate. So what is interesting, then, is when two masculine people fight in this limited gendered

expression, or two feminine people fight. I am not saying this means two women are more likely to scream, yell, cry, and argue, while two men are more likely to physically fight and aggress. I am, however, noting that official responses to same sex domestic abuse may often forget to understand or look into gendered dynamics. Or, gendered dynamics are assumed.

This is dangerous. I have heard that 25% of same sex couples are abusive. Perhaps shocking to transphobic and homophobic beliefs, this is around the same percentage as dual sex couples. The further nuances and layers that genderqueer, trans, and intersexed people/relationships add are also likely to go overlooked and ignored by personal and official responses.

Consider, for example, the harassment and abuse young queer, trans, and genderbending children and teens face from parents, schools, partners, and so on. This abuse not only misunderstood and overlooked, but often, deemed acceptable. My own parents certainly did not and would not have gotten into trouble for some of the abusive things they did in the name of gender and transphobia when raising me and my siblings. While same sex abuse is certainly getting more attention, the abuse that trans and genderqueer folks face is in dire need of attention from all.

I want to shift this conversation toward self-worth for LGBTIQ folks in and out of abusive relationships. I know that from my own experience, there was great power and also terrible loss in being build up from my ex as a queer person (they made me feel so very valued) and also torn down by my ex. In your relationships, have you had experience in finding support for your own self love only to find that support threatened and removed by the very same person? So, for example, in helping to feel beautiful while at the same time being disparaged?

JR: Absolutely. I think that is part of all abusive relationships. Thatís one of the reasons why itís so hard to leave these situations. I remember that he would tell me how beautiful I was and how I knew how to make everyone around me happy. I remember him being in shock that someone as awesome as me could love him. I remember his persistence to prove his love, especially in the beginning. I remember him encouraging me to do the things that I wanted to do but was afraid of doing. I remember him hold-

ing me when my aunt died. I remember him telling me how great I was at managing my money. I remember falling down the stairs and he picked me and held close.

I also remember telling him telling me how I ìalways ruined everything. I also remember him telling me that he was going to stop giving me compliments so that it wouldn’t go to my head. I remember him telling me I was high maintenance because I needed regular communication (i.e. once a day). I remember him ignoring my phone calls and emails the last three months of our relationship. I never contacted him more than once a day, if that. I remember him telling me what a horrible friend I was. I remember him pressuring me and emotional manipulating me to do things that would negatively impact my physical, emotional or financial health. I remember him telling me that he hated my mother, who allowed him to live in her house rent free for months and who was the only member of my family who genuinely liked him.

I remember sending him money when he was out of work and living in India and when I offered to send him a lump sum he got angry because he wanted me to send it on a monthly basis so he wouldnít spend it all in one go. I remember him telling me during our last days together that if we were friends than he would want to hug me. I remember spending our last three weeks together in India where his abuse reached a new height as he oscillated between verbal assaults and ignoring me for hours in order to be on Facebook or message with his friends.

I remember feeling like I was crazy or like something was very wrong with me because try as I might, he would always get upset and he would always blame me. He would say if I had done what you just did to me, you would be mad. He was often wrong but firmly believed that I was capable of anything. He created this narrative in our relationship that I was a high maintenance, controlling, jealous, needy person and that he stayed with me because for some reason he just couldnít say no to me. I felt like maybe I was Dr. Jekyll and Ms. Hyde. Was I really that bad? I certainly believed it.

I spent the first year of my therapy trying to learn to trust myself again because I spent nearly seven years believing everything he told me. I bought into all his political views, into his views on friendship, relationships, etc. even when some part of me felt that they weren’t quite right. He had a real way with words and could convince you that your mother was not your mother.

I had no idea how to trust myself or even how much I was worth when my relationship ended. How do you trust yourself again or believe in yourself when the person you chose to love made you believe that you were the worst person possible and proceeded to use that to justify their abuse? I was lucky to have an amazing crew of friends, co-workers, and family who systematically dispelled every negative thing he ever told me. I was lucky to have consistent love and care shown to me on a daily basis. Once I started sharing my story, the love poured in. I had spent years hiding the details of my relationship out of fear that they would judge him so no one knew how bad it truly was until the end.

I think the most difficult part was trusting that people would care because Iíd spent the last several years being called needy and high maintenance so reaching out to people was immensely hard because it made me feel like I was needy. Also, when you donít trust yourself and you have suffered the trauma of abuse, itís really hard to believe in others period. I think what helped me was that he had been so neglectful by the end of our relationship, that it forced me to focus a lot on my own self-improvement and also to start connecting and reconnecting with people. By the time he unleashed his worst, they were there to catch me.

It has taken me a while to believe in myself and to fully understand my value but I don’t think I would have been able to do it without others assuring me every step of the way and believing in me. I felt like the people I loved nursed me back to health with their compassion and their love.

What have been some of the challenges for you in rebuilding your self-worth?

SB: For many reasons, my ex both built me up and tore me down, and somehow, at times these opposing directions were exclusive to one another. I remember so many times being in underwear or naked around the house, and their taking pause at my body, at how beautiful I was to them. Their gaze was both sexual and romantic. I felt treasured and attractive, and after a couple of years, I better believed that I was beautiful, that my body and self, flaws and all, were valuable and sacred.

This was not an easy road, especially for a queer person. The everyday childhood and teen attractions and crushes were not something I was often a part of; I was mostly alone in figuring out my sexuality and at-

tractions, plus my body and its capacities. There were years upon years of low self worth; the few images I received of queer people were even more confusing and limiting than what other teens received. So for my ex to build me up in this regard, I thank them immensely.

Thankfully, they did not attack me on this level, for the most part. Our fights most involved their insults at my character, nearly all my actions, and my emotions. Somehow, they did not attach my body and their attraction to me. There is little doubt that if they had shattered my improved self image that they helped build, I would have been and would be in a much darker place.

I really miss those times, when we would share our attraction and appreciation to one another. At night, alone it what seems to be a much larger bed, I reach for them and they are gone, physically at least. I still smell, taste, hear, and feel their presence, as it lingers deep in my memories and body. I am forever grateful that this part of relationship went unscathed. There was one comment that really hurt that my body was not healthy or good enough that I should consider having biological children. I figured that my partner would want this for me, for us, for others. But I do understand the gray and logic in their thinking.

Our last moment together, in our apartment, we made love. It was a scene straight from a movie, and seemed unreal. We were moving apart, and I was leaving and said my last goodbye. I broke down into tears and pain in their arms, and they followed soon after. In holding one another and crying hard, we began to kiss softly, then deeply, then aggressively.

We made love for the last time. Then we feel asleep in each otherís arms, in the middle of the day, like we had so many times. I wanted that to last forever. But we had to part.

Every day I think about this relationship, about this person. I miss them more deeply than anyone I have ever been with, yet not long after that deep void of longing, I click back into remembering how I have never wanted to be more free of something. It is rough, it is odd. I am mostly attracted to the same sex, and while physically attracted to many, I am rarely attracted to a person sole and being. I am not sure I will ever find a love so deep, but I am certain I will not find and keep a relationship with so much conflict and abuse. I prefer the latter, even if it is less intense.

I long for another person, another body, at my side,

with me, as a team. I look out to others constantly, and in my mind, imagine them as partners. I rarely share this with them: I keep it to myself. For over a year now I have had so much trouble being touched, being loved, and reaching out. I have moved inward, and I used to be quite the extrovert. I know that much of this has to do with all of the terrible things I endured. I also know, deep to my core, that ever finding a love so intense and amazing (when there were not problems) is not an easy find.

And yet I have found me, at least some of me. I have regained some of the me that my ex shattered and harmed. It is a slow and painful process. I wish I had more support, especially living close by, but I live far from most of my friends and family. I wish other queer people were more supportive, and that there was more a network of support for this kind of survival. I am glad I have you, Jasmine Revolution! I am glad we have this column and this opportunity to share our pain, and hopefully, by sharing it, we release it out of us. I also hope others are able to release similar pains. I really appreciate you, and I am here for you.

JR: Thank you, Southern Belle! I appreciate you as well and am here for you.

I think that moving through the sense of loss is not easy. You lose your identity when you break up with someone you connect with so well, so perfectly on many levels. You lose the dreams you built together. Those are not easy things to lose. It is not just the person, it is the hopes and the dreams. It is this beautiful love that you nurtured and watered that you have to let go. Itís the you who was born out of that love whether for better or worse. All of it you must let go and mourn. I read recently that once you love someone, you can never stop loving them. A part of you will always love them or the them that was the most beautiful. I think maybe that is why I fear ever seeing or speaking to them again. I worry that the magnetic energy that brought us together once, will draw us close again should we ever meet. I worry that I will forget the price I paid the first time. So I stay away. Far, far away from him. I trust myself but the addictive love he and I had, itís unlike anything Iíve ever experienced. Then again maybe we will repel each other once and for all.

Emma Steiber

Queer Thoughts Turning Theory Into (Inter)Action

Academia, Meet Your Long Lost Friend Activism

Why the Change to My Column?

Looking back on my column “Queer Thoughts,” I found that I had a lot of ideas to put on paper, but a lack of focus within the queer realm. I asked myself upon this realization, “How can I promote students to take action and use academic education in activism?” Thus, I decided to change my path in my column writing and focus on the (inter)action between academia and activism. As I progress in my education as a Women and Gender Studies major at Loyola, I find that I want to promote what I have learned and show others, both within the Women and Gender Studies Department and outside of it, how one can apply education to the outside world.

While Judith Butler’s voice on the gender performative and gender construction is critical, this is not always easily accessible to those setting their sights outside Academia. However, by showing how Butler’s jargon is actively seen in our culture, I hope to alleviate these struggles of understanding Academia.

Judith Butler, Lacan, and a Return to Genesis P-Orridge: In Judith Butler’s work, Gender Trouble: Feminism and the Subversion of Identity, I found her chapter, “Prohibition, Psychoanalysis, and the Production of the Heterosexual Matrix,” to serve great importance to censorship and its applications to transgressive performance art. However, Butler proves to be a good example of an Academic voice filled with Academic jargon, and thus, not as accessible to all.

“Although the ‘universality’ of the paternal law may be contested within anthropological circles, it seems important to consider that the meaning that the law sustains in any given historical context is less univocal and less deterministically efficacious than the Lacanian account appears to acknowledge” (Butler 67).

What is this “paternal law?” Well, according to Butler and Lacan, it is a pre-determined law that sexual differences are set as binary assumptions according to society’s knowledge. Our identities are denoted to sexual positions already determined by society’s “fixed” Law. Masculine power has led to our sexual identities being determined around the Phallus (what is masculine and what is not). However, what if societies messed this up? First, this “Law” varies from society to society, and, secondly, societies include those outside of epistemological Academia (concerned with the theory of knowledge). Butler’s promotion of subversion, or not limiting oneself to culture’s “fixed” identities, is critical. Reading But-

ler’s work, though, I could not help, but think of musician and performance artist Genesis P-Orridge. In the summary of h/er work on her website, Genesis, messed with society’s fixed identities of “him” and “her,” and civilization. Creating the transgressive performance collective COUM Transmissions in the late 60s and 70s, Genesis produced exhibitions, such as “Prostitution” in 1976, which showed a Tampax encased in glass, a stripper, and transvestite guards.

Influenced by William S. Burroughs’s “cut-up” technique within 20th century Surrealism, Genesis cutup narratives and text and randomly sorted them back into a non-linear format. As of most recently, which I recounted in a past column, Genesis surgically mirrored h/erself with h/er late wife Lady Jaye, in order to emphasize artistic commitment and to have one being melded together by two people after “physical death” through body modification (The Fader Interview). Body modification allowed them to create one being, known as “Breyer P-Orridge.”

Within this same interview, Genesis promotes the merging of consciousness, further subverting identity as fictional and written by the hierarchies of education and society (emphasized in her work, Book of Lies). Butler terms this a performance, yet Genesis uses physical performance and narrative to destabilize society’s “performance” of genders. Voicing this in music and performance, Genesis extends Butler’s academic jargon into her creative art. The material, to Genesis, is as much internal as it is external.

Language, as Lacan shows to be a signifier of the Law, becomes displaced through Butler and Genesis’ works. Most importantly, what is stated through Butler is shown through Genesis. What is deemed love, performance, language, and identification is, redefined, disorganized, cut-up, and de-constructed.

All of this becomes messed up, but do not take it to be bad. What is messy, defined and fixed by society’s laws, is now being redefined to be something great that is still in the making for Genesis and all. As the band Throbbing Gristle, in which Genesis was a part of, sang once, “There was never a day/ And there’s never a day/ To convince people/ You can play their game/ You can say their name/ But you won’t convince people.”

tell-a-vision visions & revisions of our culture(s)

How to Survive a Plague http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GFMX264WZsU

HOW TO SURVIVE A PLAGUE is the story of the brave young men and women who successfully reversed the tide of an epidemic, demanded the attention of a fearful nation and stopped AIDS from becoming a death sentence. This improbable group of activists bucked oppression and, with no scientific training, infiltrated government agencies and the pharmaceutical industry, helping to identify promising new medication and treatments and move them through trials and into drugstores in record time. In the process, they saved their own lives and ended the darkest days of a veritable plague, while virtually emptying AIDS wards in American hospitals in the process.

Questions: 1. Why do you think the government chose not to act until activists challenged its stance?

2. Is there a need for this kind of activism for HIV/AIDS awareness contemporarily?

broadside

Expressions in poetry via street literature style

Breathing In & Out Mayumi Chelle

I feel as if I am always passing in one sense or another, as if I am swimming in the ocean and just barely staying above water. Drowning in the sea and just barely bobbing above water to catch some air—to finally breathe. I almost never feel like I am breathing anymore. I know how I identify but it doesn’t seem to make sense with the way the rest of my life is. I know who I am attracted to but it doesn’t make sense with who I am with. My life does not seem to match with the way that I am truly able to breathe. With the way that I think. With the way that I feel. With the way that I feel like I truly am. I feel as if I hardly make sense to myself. There have been times when I felt like I was breathing--small pockets of air ebbing in and out of my lungs.

It was when I was on the airplane, flying to Los Angeles to visit my sister in undergrad and I was reading Stone Butch Blues and all I could do was cry because finally I had something tangible in my hands that explained everything I had ever felt and wanted and was. There have been times like these when I’ve felt natural and real—like who I was always supposed to be and existed as. However, this feeling never lasted for very long—because my life never matched up to the way that I believe that I truly exist as. The breathing always stopped and all I could do was wait patiently for the next time it sweeps me up and lifts me out of the water—the next time I am able to feel real, tangible, and alive—able to breathe.

And he always gave my brother more ‘cause he knew I was gay, you know.

I know I wanted to be a woman. I knew that. ‘Cause I used to try on my mother outfits. Her shoes and stuff. Running around the hous. I did that from the age of five. I got pictures of me in my mother outfits.

I would do like a woman work, you know. And then when he would come home in from the work the house would be so sparkling and clean. He couldn’t take it. No, he ain’t like it, ‘cause he saying it ain’t like what a man would do.

It’s like what a woman would do.

‘Cause up til seventeen I was still doing boys’ clothes. I was dressing half and half. Girls’ shoes, boys’ pants, girl blouses.

- “Keisha”

WLA (Re)Animated expression/commentary through art

The Lavandar Woman

Description: A section titled “The Lavendar Woman” focused on issues relating to lesbian women and was a reoccurring feature in The Feminist Voice until it resulted in its own newspapers of the same title in 1972. This issue’s section contains a letter discussing the author’s frustration with straight women within the women’s liberation movement, “The Lavendar Woman” as an outlet for lesbians’ voices, and a poem and notice asking for opinions about the new newspaper “The Lavendar Woman.”

WLA Mission Statement: Establish in 1994, the Women and Leadership Archives (WLA) collects, pre-

serves, organizes, describes, and makes available materials of enduring value to researchers studying women’s leadership activities.

Nichole F. Smith

New Levels Building From the Bottom

The “A� Word

What is an ally? What sparks interest in the term and the desire to claim it? This is one experience that has helped me to understand the controversial term.

My path to understanding allyship started in middle school. Like most youth, my middle school and high school years represent a particularly influential time in my life. It was during these years that I started to think critically about the societal rules that my family and friends were living according to, and also expecting myself and others to fall in line with. Middle school was the first time I experienced what the after school tv specials referred to as cliques. Middle school was the first time I noticed my friend groups being defined by the type of activity I chose to become involved in. I also noticed that there were characteristics expected of me depending on the activity I was participated in. During these years I was in band, which meant I was expected to be a fun-loving goof because the band was no good and the practice period during school was used to socialize. I was in choir, which meant that I was expected to be fiercely competitive and focused as the choir was award winning and bad ass, we even made our own CD, we were that good. These activities impacted who I spent a lot of time with and how I defined my personality, but there was another type of activity that set a different level of expectations. That activity was sports. The expectations for being involved in sports went beyond supposing things about my personality. These expectations were for the purpose of setting definitions for what was expected of someone of my gender, sexuality, spirituality, and race.

Before middle school I could dress however I wanted, I could play video games and football or I could play house and pretend I was the homemaker mom. I took after dressing like my dad and I also dreamed of being Mariah Carey. Having a variety of interests did not draw attention until I was in middle school and joined the basketball team. At that point, my penchant for pants and sports lead my family to label me a “tomboy,” a girl exhibiting characteristics, interests, and behaviors which society considers normal for boys, but unusual for girls.

In addition to being a pants wearing, basketball playing, tomboy, I also did not date or have boyfriends during this time in my life. These things were also true for most of my teammates, so the expectation for this group was not just that we were competitive, focused, or fun-loving goofs. The expectation was shaped to focus on our gender and sexuality. The expectation was that any girls on the team were tomboy

lesbians.

And in order to keep us on the path of straight and Christian our families and friends created rules for us to follow, for example: 1.

During strength training, only lift enough to stay fit. You don’t want to get too much muscle and end up looking like boys.

2.

Wear dresses and skirts on game days.

3.

Be a little more sensitive, don’t act like the guy in this relationship.

Our families and friends attempts created an unsafe space. It was not a safe space for anyone who presented as gender non-conforming, who was LGBTQI, which was against what most learned from their families about what it meant to be Christian. This was the first time I felt pressure to put on an act of femininity.

A pressure I still feel today. This pressure was, and still is frustrating. The feeling that I am expected to be something other than I am. That how I choose to present myself is wrong. I wanted understanding and freedom and I was going to get it. This is one of the stories that represents a defining point in my understanding of allyship.

This is one the stories I could label as my woe-is-me stories. A heterosexual ciswoman who feels pressure to be feminine. How much sympathy do you think I can get? Enough that I can claim my experiences give me the right to call myself an ally?

It is true that I hated the feeling of pressure to be hyper-feminine, so I actively sought a way to ease that pressure. One of the ways I found to shift the expectations others held for my gender expression was to support others who were be labeled “abnormal” in my community.

I started to practice support for, and solidarity with other excluded folks at this for selfish reasons. I was frustrated with rules that existed about how I should look, and the beliefs people held about dress and ways of being were defined by gender. I did not want to be told not to be strong, not to wear the clothes I liked. And the more I saw people enforcing expectations of those around me to be straight and dress their part, the more stifled and invalidated I felt.

I was also eager to be well-liked. And, the way I saw it, being mean or divisive wasn’t going to make

me any friends. Over time, as I learned more about LGBTQI and my own identity in relation, I decided that I wanted to be an ally, because claiming that title held value, it meant that I was a better person than most and people would like me. And I had every right to claim that distinction, right? I mean, look what I had been through! People thought I was lesbian when I was in middle school, my family criticized me for wearing pants. Since my middle school days I have reflected on my identities in workshops, I have worked with LGBTQI programs as part of my work. And I am a Black woman, I have expert experience in what it is like to have my identity questioned and othered. But do these experiences mean that I can designate myself as heterosexual cisgender ally to my LGBTQI friends and communities, or even expect that others should classify me as an ally?

intended to meet us where we are in terms of our levels of understanding what it means to be in solidarity with oppressed individuals and communities. Allyship, more importantly, challenges us to reach new levels of self-awareness and understanding. It allows room for growth, for having hard conversations with myself about my own privilege, bias, and oppressive behavior.

It also gives me context to name and evaluate where I am able to affect positive change. Ally-like behavior is something to aspire to and it is something achievable.

The term “ally” is in question as it becomes more popular. The title signifies something continually active, however it’s meaning and use is not consistent among those who claim it. Ally has come under fire, one reason being that many people want to claim they are allies without doing the work to dismantle oppressive structures within or outside of themselves.

B

Ally has come under fire, one reason being that many people want to claim they are allies without doing the work to dismantle oppressive structures within or outside of themselves Like anyone concerned with the world and its isms I know that I must be reflective and critical in my understanding of what the word represents. My experience on a basketball team is not the same as the lived experience of living as LGBTQI, neither is the experience I have lived as a Black woman.

So what has all of this meant? My path to allyship, has it been in vain? In some ways, yes. As I explained, one of my reasons for supporting oppressed communities was built around a concern to create a safer space for myself, for building myself up. And allyship isn’t about me. But allyship is also a transformational experience, a practice that is continual and developmental. It is

broadside

Expressions in poetry via street literature style

Manifesto

2013 3rd Language Summer Workshop Participant

******* manifesto I make for me and me alone The Lost Ones abandoned ones the scared and and anxious ones the black, black, black ones the pussy having, breasts sagging ones the queer ones- forgotten and fighting the hood ones that made it out to find there is no place to go and no place to return to i make for me and me alone because i wish to hope for believe in a shimmer that lives inside my own heart which i cant for the fucking life of me figure out how to name i make for me and me alone because i need to remember

that i am throughly loved that i am beautiful that i am a sexy mutha fucka that i do have something to give that GOD is a WOMYN that perhaps... i am god that we all need and want each other that mess is OK that digging yields treasures that trying to BECOME is revolutionary that I AM ABLE

i make for me and me alone. Hoping that you will see me and that we will become US *************

Patrick Fina

Over the Rainbow Exploring a Rich and Diverse Q-munity

The Power of One

In thinking of what to write for this issue, I looked towards the edition title. I found myself thinking when I would let my mind wander, just what is my LGBT-IQ? I started to quantify my knowledge in a mental checklist – factoring in the percentage points for all the different letters I knew that ‘LGBTQIA’ did not currently include, a few more points for the fact that I can explain the difference between sex and gender with cute visual metaphors like clouds and rainbows – but as I was taking mental inventory, the true answer started to take shape, as much as I didn’t want to admit it.

My LGBT-IQ is, and will only ever be, one. Sounds like that Highlander movie, I know). Let’s break this down.

I can only speak about my one life, and my one experience.

Whenever I’m chatting with someone and they ask me how they should identify their friend/family member/co-worker/spouse/etc., I try to never give direct answers. Because simply put, the answer is whatever that person feels fits them the best at that point in time.

This is where the notion of one should take root, but it doesn’t always.

At any given point in time, only I know what I identify and know about myself. And as we are dynamic beings in a dynamic life, there’s really nothing static surrounding us. Currently being a White, cisgender male (well, male-ish is probably more accurate) who is mostly attracted to others who identify as masculine means I have a pretty white-male-dominated worldview. To say I understand what it means to be a trans* identified woman of color from Chicago would be, put lightly, bullshit – and why I need to remind myself that my IQ is currently, and only ever will be, one.

Here’s a concrete example. Most folks categorize me within the G in LGBTQI – gay, and for the most part it fits. I usually use queer, but some folks get really uncomfortable with the word because they don’t understand where my background lies, and why I choose to identify as I do. Rather than getting into a 45 minutes heart to heart, I normally just say, “gay works fine too.”

I’ve been on the other side of this too. I know folks who actively identify as ‘faggots.’ As uncomfortable as that word makes me, who am I to determine what someone should call themselves? And furthermore, why do we have to unify under terms that are dynamic and shift as our culture continues to adapt and grow?

Because truth be told, those folks are reclaiming ‘faggot’ the same way some of our other recent pioneers reclaimed ‘queer.’

(I wanted to stop here and insert that I know how highly ironic this reflection probably reads since I co-coordinate Safe Space trainings, which is essentially a three-hour LGBTQIA 101. We spend a significant chunk of time on how to have conversations around identities – while I always make a point to speak out and try to explain what I’ve written in this piece, I realize I need to do a better job. For those of you attending any upcoming ones, please hold me accountable.)

So here’s my pro-tip. Instead of saying that “I understand,” or “I know,” let’s start saying, “I don’t understand or know, but I can imagine.”

We each only have one experience, but the magic that is true community happens when we are willing to share and embrace each other’s one experience without trying to synthesize it into a shared one experience. As a community, we can imagine what an experience was like for another, but it is not our job as a community, nor appropriate, to begin using it as ‘our’ shared narrative.

This was complicated and a bit deep, but I hope you understand my (one) point.

When somebody says they raped you, you know they can tell by the semen or whatever. But it didn’t work, you know. By me being gay, they said, ‘Well, it wasn’t forced in you,’ okay. ‘It was inject in you by free will.’

But I chose this type of lifestyle, and I’m happy with it, you know. Even though it’s wrong, but for me, I’m happy with it.

So I been brought up around so many women, I feels like one. I thinks like one, and I act like one. I talk like one. I walk like one. Yeah, I talk like one. By the grace of God I know I’m not one. If my penis wasn’t here, if wasn’t there, which it ain’t much ‘cause it’s never been used, I’d know that I would be more out there than I am now. Simple as that.

I knew that I was a boy and a lot of the things I got for Christmas I didn’t want to play with. I always wanted to play with my sister’s things and everything, dress in they clothes and whatever. Me and my twin sister are the same size anyway, period.

Here they’re living with one. Terry is a straight gay. Even though he’s having a relationship with me I do still consider him straight because ain’t no flipping or flapping.

- “China”

words are useless expression/commentary through art

“Half n Half” from the “No Homo” skit, 2009

Artist: J. Curtis Main Description: In October 2009, Phoenix and Curtis performed to help raise money for a local queer organization. Between the two of them, they wanted three characters in their performance, and Curtis had seen half and half drag performance years ago and always wanted to try it. Since there were only two performers, Phoenix and Curtis each played major roles, and Curtis also played a minor role by simple turning 180 degrees to “face” the audience, and in turn, swapping genders.

Abeer Allan

Middle Eastern Musings A Dive Into The Dead Sea

“Gay Alert”... No Entry

“Gays to be barred from entering Gulf” just like a brick hit my head, so was reading this headline. It broke my heart to read such efforts are put on devices and medical tests to detect people’s sexual orientation in order to decide whether or not to let gays in the Gulf Cooperation Countries (GCC). GCC member countries include Bahrain, Kuwait, Oman, Qatar, Saudi Arabia and the United Arab Emirates (UAE).

“We will take stricter measures that will help us detect gays who will be then barred from entering Kuwait or any of the GCC member states” said Yousuf Mindkar the director of public health at the Kuwaiti health ministry, as quoted in the article “Gays to be barred from entering Gulf” by Habib Toumi Bureau Chief which was published in gulfnews.com on October 7th 2013.

Like an ugly song which gets stuck in your head sometimes because you don’t want it to, this line was stuck in mine, playing like an ugly melody, endlessly!

This is just outrageous! shameful! heart-breaking! pathetic! pure ignorance! and the words just won’t stop flowing! and yes these so many exclamation marks are because I’m furious, angry and if you had the chance to see me right now you would know my tone is not a calm one. But then again, why be angry, why be sad? We all know we live in a judgmental societies, societies that got used to one way, and if you go out of the straight way, you are no longer normal, and apparently you are a spreading disease that medical screening tests should be run on you to keep you away from the “normal” human beings, because you are not.

If you have the time and efforts for creating such things, why not create devices to detect rapists, perverts, abusers, “terrorists”, thieves, the corrupted minds, harassers, human-traffickers, prostitution and so on and on and on…?

Or for example, would it be bad to come up with new defence devices to help women, kids or whoever is being abused, to defend themselves? We could call them “detect-danger-devices” maybe?

This has gone against humanity, stepping on privacy, and definitely tightening up people with the choices the society has made for them, forcing them to live under a lie, hide, pretend or be stripped of your human rights!

LGBT community is not given its rights, not in the

simplest form, to travel, apparently. As if it is not enough the psychological issues most LGBT members go through because of the rejection they face in daily life, within their families, jobs or societies.

Now we add, a gaydar, a whole new different meaning from the one we are used to. Which was supposed to be a fun term before, now it is just a scary one that might cause you to be barred from entering some countries.

When will our societies start focusing on more important issues than our sexual orientations, why should my sexual orientation decide for me where I am allowed or not allowed to go?

This story is not a first to make the LGBT community feel insecure, but it sure is the most outrageous!

Clubs have been closed before because of the fact they host LGBT communities, people being judged, pointed at, looked down at, refused to be talked to… and more, only for one reason, you are queer.

On a different note, I wonder if the new medical screening tests, which will be applied starting from November 2013, if they will be run on locals too. I bet most of them would be exiled! Women would definitely be the ones who would survive this and become a majority, if they aren’t already.

LGBTIQ

Allies and Problematic Language Kendall Doerr

I once heard someone say that we all have a duty to be allies to those outside of our own groups, and I still believe greatly in that sentiment. If you were to spend any amount of time with the people that I call my friends or my chosen family, however, you

would see us roll our eyes at the mere mention of the word “allies�. Yes, I will speak for my community in saying that we do need allies, and in theory, allies are magnificent people, but allies in practice are where I have my issues. The idea of allies be-

gins to be problematic in the definition of the word itself. Loosely, an ally is someone who helps another person or group in a given situation. In actuality, I think a large number of people see the definition of an ally as someone who is plainly supportive of another person or group. The difference between these two lies in action. Being an ally is not a passive duty, but rather an active one. It is an active role in the sense that no matter what that person might be doing or saying on behalf of the queer community, their words or actions must be ones that make a difference. An ally is not just someone who tells their friend not to use the word “tranny”, but someone who explains why the use of that word is hurtful, and what it means to those who have been oppressed by its use. Allyship must go deeper than your monthly donation to the Human Rights Campaign. Allies hold the responsibility of being a

straight white rapper. Macklemore does not speak for the queer community, and we did not ask him to. His song and words of acceptance may set an example for others to follow, but what people fail to notice is that his first hit song, “Thrift Shop” bears a striking resemblance to a song called “Wut”, written by a queer rapper from New York, named Le1f. My issue isn’t that Macklemore made money from a song about same-sex marriage. My issue is that he simultaneously silenced the voice of a rising queer artist while telling us all how much of an ally he is.

My final point here is that you cannot be an ally to another person or group without them telling you that you are an ally to them. It is not your decision to make whether your support and contributions are sufficient. It is not Macklemore’s decision to say that he is an ally to the LGBTQ community, but rather our decision of whether or not his words and

B

Being an ally is not a passive duty, but rather an active one. It is an active role in the sense that no matter what that person might be doing or saying on behalf of the queer community, their words or actions must be ones that make a difference. listening ear to voices that are not often heard, and telling others to do the same. Allyship is creating safe spaces for your queer friends where they do not already exist. It is correcting someone’s pronoun usage for your friend even when that friend isn’t around, it is fighting systematic injustices just as unwaveringly as we do, and it is helping us stand tall instead of standing for us. Allies do not have the role of speaking for the people they support, but rather the role of listening to them and telling others to do the same. The voices of allies are often louder than the voices of the people that they are supporting, which is problematic for obvious reasons. Take, for example, the song “Same Love” by Macklemore.

The song itself is extremely supportive of same-sex marriage and relationships, and made it as high as number 11 on the Billboard charts. Despite the individual achievements of Macklemore’s hit, nothing for the queer community was gained by having the same message for marriage equality delivered by a

actions are going to represent us in a way that we want to be represented. This point can be applied at any scale. If the friends and families of a queer individual want to call themselves allies, it is up to the person that they are supporting to decide whether or not they actually are allies. Allies have a huge role in the LGBTQ community, but that does not mean that all allies are the right kind of allies or that they have a letter within the LGBTQIA acronym.

[IQ]

broadside Expressions in poetry via street literature style

In honor of Mez

So I sat down wi and at some poin at the moon and

Meztli? She has Traced the path Stimulating mak them living.

Life giving.

See in her light s making no soun Making selflessn

She said: you see but Erica, when on the undergro our graves have dressed up in po But, she whisper remains they lea And that is why

In her light we t hidden from the her night.

And always rem and we should a

After she said th Damn, that shit

At that point, I finally understo And if I can be s

Erica Granados De La Rosa

ztli and our process of liberation

ith an elder the other day, nt in our conversation she pointed up d confidently turned to me to say:

watched over many lovers. hs on which fingers discovered. king claims over bodies so as to keep

skin speaks and lips feel, nd, in a humble and laborious way, ness a sacrament on every given day.

e this conversation has long begun, n you write you should try to shed light ound because to them e been done, overty negation and denial. red, anytime they try to cover up the ave room for revival.. we lay.

tell stories with no sight and no gaze, e power of his day, we find refuge in

member we live rebirth by death, always seek each other to take flight.

hat I was like, is deep…

ood why I longed to touch you. so bold in this poem,

Meztli

if you only knew what your breath and your moan do, You’d be so lost in my liberation, you’d forget all that our people have gone through.

And inherit pain and memories would dissolve into present day glories` manifested in the ways that you choose to explore me and my peoples past.

And as soon as you find the courage to do that, our lives no longer fit in their hour glass.

And the struggle of my mother’s becomes so clear in the friction between your fingers and my skin, Mestizaje becomes the only language that our love is born in.

And the way you caress my back, you’ll learn of where my souls been.

If you trace my scars, you’ll learn of my father’s sin.

But don’t worry, we are free from his lies and his stories.

Because our story is enacting right now, and this is more than a deep-ass sex poem, this is a vision of our liberation right now.

And if you trying to tell me this is not a form of revolution, I would challenge and ask you to show me how.

Because in my skin, and in your skin, the proof lies that our ancestors are still livin’.

So when we praise that we are only giving, praise to where praise is due.

And as long as the moon still shines I will allows find a way for my skin to speak, and let you know that I love you.

By Jane P. Currie

Ex Bibliothecis From Loyola’s Libraries to you. Assisting you in your search for information.

The Feminine Mystique at 50 Betty Friedan’s The Feminine Mystique appeared 50 years ago. A new edition, published by Norton, is available and may be found in our library collection. This edition features an Introduction by Gail Collins, a New York Times writer and the first women to edit the paper’s editorial page. Collins will be speaking at Loyola on November 7th. The New York Times Magazine featured an excerpt from the Introduction shortly after the new edition’s release.

Former New York Times journalist and columnist Anna Quindlen wrote the new edition’s Afterword. On the fortieth anniversary of The Feminine Mystique, Quindlen wrote in Newsweek*, “But the world hasn’t changed as much as we like to tell ourselves. Otherwise “The Feminine Mystique” wouldn’t feel so contemporary.”

While Collins and Quindlen reflect on The Feminine Mystique at 50, we can also reconsider its reception in 1963. The New York Times featured Betty Friedan’s own reactions in an article* published in March 1964.

Learn more about Friedan’s biography by reading her entry in the Dictionary of Literary Biography. The library’s print and electronic collections contain many more sources of information on Betty Friedan and The Feminine Mystique. Simply let me know what interests you and we’ll find suitable books and articles.

Your questions and ideas are always welcome. Write to jcurrie@luc.edu at any time or visit our research help desks in the Information Commons and Lewis Library. * This resource is accessible on-campus or off-campus to students, faculty, and staff after log-in with a Loyola Universal ID and password.

URLs for the links above: http://pegasus.luc.edu/vwebv/holdingsInfo?bibId=1955193 http://topics.nytimes.com/top/opinion/editorialsandoped/oped/columnists/gailcollins/index.html http://www.nytimes.com/2013/01/27/magazine/the-feminine-mystique-at-50.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0 http://flagship.luc.edu/login?url=http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=a9h&AN=11060945&site=ehost-live http://flagship.luc.edu/login?url=http://search.proquest.com/docview/115718150?accountid=12163 http://flagship.luc.edu/login?url=http://galenet.galegroup.com/servlet/DLBC_Online/loyolau/ BK1559835012

Career Call

Coordinator, LGBTQ Office of Culture and Community at Columbia College Chicago: J.M. Conway Learn About the Workplace

1) Describe your job and its duties in one paragraph.

[J.M.C] I am the coordinator for the LGBTQ Office of Culture and Community, which is housed within Multicultural Affairs at Columbia College Chicago. That means a couple of different things. It means that I do social and cultural programming for and about LGBTQ people and issues and concerns. It means that I work with the rest of the administration and the rest of my colleagues here to ensure that our LGBTQ students receive a stellar education that is unhindered by policy drama or hang-ups and I do a fair amount of informal counseling with students who are thinking about identity or dealing with challenges that might arise due to their gender or sexual identity. I also serve as an advisor to the LGBTQ student group, Common Ground.

2) Why did you get the job?

[J.M.C] I really enjoy Higher Ed and I enjoy working with college age students because of the fire and zest they have for change. I am an alum of Loyola’s higher education program, the masters program; that’s where I got my training on how to approach the work and have loved it ever since. So, broadening my work within multicultural affairs to include work that centers around sexual diversity and gender diversity was just another step for me. Of course, the personal connection right, I identify as a queer womyn and felt that I could bring something to Columbia in terms of the work that I stated before; in terms of the programming and the initiatives of the office based on my history as a Student Affairs professional.

3) How did you get the job (online app, in person, nomination, etc.)?

[J.M.C] It was a typical application process. I saw the post online. I can’t remember which journal or method I used to find the job, it might have been higheredjob.com or something like that but it was a point where I was searching pretty heavily for work. I sent in a resume and cover letter that I carefully crafted to be specific to the institution and the work that they were asking for. Sent that in, got a phone interview, then got an in person interview, then got a 3rd interview on campus to meet the students and the rest of the folks who would eventually become my colleagues and then I was chosen out of the lot; so pretty typical. I remember having to buy a suit at the last minute. I wanted a new suit to wear to my interview to impress the students.

4) Are you using or did you use some of your education for the job?

[J.M.C] Yeah, so another shout out to Loyola. I actually was training with some of the Residence Life student professionals earlier on communication and how communication is tied to cross-cultural dialogue and we also talked about micro-aggressions and those were things that I was able to pull directly from the texts that we used in our coursework. Of course, all of the information that I have and knowledge that I have about student development and LGBTQ student development, leadership development, evaluation, setting goals for programs, these are all things that I learned either in class at Loyola or as a graduate assistant on campus.

5) Is this a job for the long-term? Why or why not?

[J.M.C] You know, I think that student affairs is a place that I’ll probably hangout for at least a few more years.

As I’m thinking about what my ultimate career goals are, I think there is still a lot to explore inside of the field of Higher Education. So, right now I’m really interested in economic justice and freedom work, which can be done within a collegiate setting. I’m interested in women’s work so work with women’s centers or women’s initiatives on campus. I can see that happening. Very interested in how spirituality or ideas about how meaning making impacts individuals so I could also see that happening in the higher educational field as well. And of course, my activism and my work within the LGBTQ community will be lifelong. As with any activist work, you’re going to come to it, you’re going to be really engaged, you’re going to need to step back, you’re going to need to find balance, you’re going to overextend, you’re not going to be able to show up. It will all run in cycles but, my commitment to our community is lifelong.

6) What are the strengths of the job?

[J.M.C] One of the things that I love a lot about my job that I think is a strength for me as a new professional is that a lot of it is self-led. I get to, in some ways, be my own boss. I get to set my own programming, of course with feedback from the student body, but I have a lot of free reign as to what kinds of programs I put on and the kinds of other work that I engage in on campus. I think that’s one of the strengths of the position because I’ve been able to come in and begin a lot of new initiatives that will I think bode well for me as I continue as a professional, like having the experience of starting new programs and having them be successful, changing and adapting. So it’s not like being in a position where somebody tells you “you have to do this, in this way, this quickly or this slowly” it’s not as structured so I have a lot more freedom to be more creative which is also really cool.

7) Weaknesses?

[J.M.C] Burnout, being in Higher Ed is really demanding at times. Late hours and some weekend hours sometimes time that you would normally be sitting at a desk or planning an event, a student might come in and want to talk about something. At Columbia, we have an open door policy so if there is a student in need we are going to try and make time for that student in the moment and if we can’t help, we are going to help them find, or get to, or walk them to a place on campus that will be able to meet their need. But I’d say one of the weaknesses is definitely burnout. For me, it’s been a challenge to find balance between my career life and the rest of my life.

8) What would you do differently with this position?

[J.M.C] I would have a cleaner office. My office is really messy because I am very busy so maybe I would do that differently.

9) What level of survival and comfort did/do the benefits/pay allow?

[J.M.C] Yeah so, I mean right… I’m a full time worker with benefits. I get paid pretty okay. I mean I fuss and cuss about it and there are definitely people who do the same amount of work that I do and get paid more but I’m also not struggling. I’m able to pay all of my bills every month. If family members call and need loans I’m able to help them with that. I’m able to save money to go on vacations to really cool places. You know I have health insurance that the college pays for. Professional development is here and there; could be more but that’s definitely helpful. So, I would say that the position allows me a great deal of security and comfort because for the most part, I can trust that I’ll be able to come here everyday and work and be paid on time. Every two weeks the money will hit my account so that does offer a sense of security.

10) Would you recommend this job to others?

[J.M.C] You know as a person who also considers myself a Creative, I often wonder, like when I had my first job, out of graduate school, for the first few months it was only 30 hours a week. Actually it was 31 hours a week so that they could also offer me benefits. But that 31 hour a week position really gave me an opportunity to focus on my art and so that is something that I miss but I definitely would recommend full time employment.

Especially for folks who can figure out how to work the 9-5 and also have a side hustle that feeds their spirit and hopefully you can find a position that will do both things. But if you’re thinking about going into Higher Ed, there is a lot of burnout. It’s one of the downsides to the profession and career choice but if you love people, if you love planning and programming, then Higher Ed is a place where you can do so many things. So I talked about economic justice, you know? You could do financial aid. You could do advising. You could do women’s work. You could do male initiatives. You could do LGBTQ work. You could do social work. You can do all of these different things within the realm of Higher Education. You could do athletics. There’s so much variety within the profession so I would definitely recommend folks exploring Higher Ed as a career choice. It’s really fulfilling and for activist folks too, especially at institutions like Loyola where social justice is such a big part of the mission. You’ll find that different Academies have different institutional identities so you’ll find that some places are really into sports, some spaces are really into spirituality, some spaces are really into social justice, environmentalism so there is a lot of variety. You can pick a small institution, a big institution, a research institution; you can pick a liberal arts institution. You can hand pick the type of institution you want to be at and the type of work you want to be doing.

11) Share your most memorable experience(s) from the position; good, bad, funny, and ugly!

[J.M.C] Oh wow, the most memorable experience? I don’t know. I can almost have one of those moments at least once a week. You know, where I feel like “this is why I’m doing the work.” It’s cheesy to say, “too many to name” but I feel even when it gets challenging that I still understand and I come back to “this is why I do this work.” Whether it’s a successful workshop that I lead or if I’m able to successfully help a student find a resource on campus that they didn’t know about or if I’m able to make policy change that impact the lives of several students on our campus, those moments make it worth it and I think I have those moments with frequency which is really rewarding.

Nina Berman

Girl Gang Conspiracy Sounds of the Grrrrrl Underground

The Shade of it All 1. Deceptacon—Le Tigre Feel the good vibes of the early 2000s with this socially conscious dance party explosion. Le Tigre is one of the post-Bikini Kill side projects of Kathleen Hanna (bow down…but in an anti-capitalist feminist

egalitarian kind of way). Self-proclaimed “Underground electro-feminist performance artists,” Le Tigre has all you need to make a party super fun but also about important stuff like queer activism. Also for more good feelings, Le Tigre has worked not only

with big scary major labels but also nice fuzzy independent lesbian owned ones, like Mr. Lady.

2. Standing in the Way of Control--Gossip Highly sassy, danceable garage punk band out of that bastion of independent music and freethinking weirdos, Olympia, WA. Gossip is fronted by the amazing Beth Ditto, self-described “fat, feminist lesbian from Arkansas” superhero style icon with killer pipes.

3. FIERCE—Azealia Banks Twitter beef-starter, NYC witch hop Jupiter queen Azealia Banks grew up in Harlem and pays her dues in this song to the ballroom culture of the Paris is Burning world. Sure, artists borrowing from voguing and ballroom culture is nothing new (Madonna, duh) but in this song Banks samples vocals from a ball participant all to a killer beat that makes you want to do bad things late at night.

4. Don’t Call Me Fabulous—Hunx and His Punx In literally 25 seconds, Hunx and His Punx dismantle the assumption that it’s ok to call any gay guy “fabulous” just because he is gay.

5. You Don’t Own Me—Klaus Nomi Klaus Nomi cut his teeth at the New Wave Vaudeville in New York back when it was still grimy and cheap and gross. He sang opera in a world where the downtown scene was dominated by fuzzy angry No Wave music. He traded music for homemade pies and dressed like a dapper space alien. He passed away in 1983 as one of the first celebrities to die of AIDS. Klaus Nomi not only sang opera as a countertenor but performed operatic renditions of pop songs including Leslie Gore’s anthemic “You Don’t Own Me” which is directed to a beau who, in fact, totally doesn’t own anyone.

6. When My Boy Walks Down the Street— Magnetic Fields This gem of a song comes from the droll yet sensitive mind of Stephin Merritt, founder of the Magnetic Fields who prefers to write sad pop songs in sleazy New York clubs that bump techno music. This song is all about the special feelings you get when that special someone walks down the street. Just give in and feel your heart go pitter pat.

7. Hannah Hunt—Vampire Weekend Did you know that Rostam Batmangliij of Vampire Weekend is out? Well indeed he is. This song, from the band’s summer 2013 release “Modern Vampires

of the City,” is full of bittersweet feelings and road trip vibes. Also it builds in a really great way and it makes my lil heart swell.

8. Murphy Bed—Mirah Another Olympia, WA queer dame! Mirah, born Mirah Yom Tov Zeitlyn, sings deeply personal and affecting tunes that are just perfect for your next crush mixtape. This one is particularly good for that but it’s kinda racy. It’s about missing that someone and wanting them to do freaky things to you in bed and/ or just cuddle. And really we’ve all been there, no?

9. A Little Lost—Arthur Russell Arthur Russell made music ranging from experimental to folk to disco and back again. Relentlessly creative, he worked with everyone from Allan Ginsberg to Phillip Glass to Talking Heads. He sadly died of AIDS at only 40 years old. It was only after his death that his fame became more widespread with documentaries, compilations and reissues.

10. Bless the Telephone—Labi Siffre British folkster with some serious funk influences, Labi Siffre might be most famous for being sampled

by Eminem in the song “My Name Is.” Siffre wasn’t thrilled with the lyrics of the song because it attacked gay men (which he identifies as) and women. This song is about how great telephones are because they let us talk to one another. Super sweet.

11. Landslide—Antony Maybe it’s best to let Antony describe himself. “I’m a witch. I’m an artist. I’m an animist. I’m transgendered. I’m very non-Christian. I’m mammal identified. Part of the mammal world.I know that sounds completely crazy. But I’m made of 70 percent water, and I’m an animate being.” This is his absolutely heartrending rendition of the Fleetwood Mac song.

Just weep ok?

broadside Expressions in poetry via street literature style

Queer Was a Choice Kendall Doerr

I chose queer for a reason.

I decided on something so that I wouldn’t have to decide.

Because no matter how many times you ask if I’m confused, I’m going to say no.

Because I know I’m not straight, and I know I’m not bi, and I don’t know who I’m going to marry, and I’m just really tired of explaining pansexuality.

I chose queer because I didn’t know what else to choose.

I chose queer because there isn’t anything else I could say to make you stop asking that awful question.

So yes, I am confused, but I know who I am.

Or was your main concern for you to know who I am?

ViewOur ing the provision feelings about of public toilets--or lack the body, sex, eliminathereof--as a form of sex distion, privacy, and cleanliness crimination, sociologist Harvey are all called into question in pubMolotch pointed out a paradox: due to female toilet needs and lic restrooms. In contrast to sacred uses, distributing space equalspaces, such as houses of worship, ly between men’s and ladie’s that promote a sense of communirooms actually produces ty, spirituality, and inspiration, re“an unequal result.”

In the strooms are “secret spaces” into worst instancwhich we silently disappear, es, the lack of alremaining faceless among ternatives to the stanstrangers.

Research has demonstrated that public toilet provision constitutes the missing link that would enable the creation of sustainable, accessible, healthy, and inclusive cities.

dard men’s room and women’s room poses a serious risk to our personal safety.

Public bathrooms, as conventionally constructed to day, are based on a Freudian model, where women’s bodies are men’s bodies that lack a penis. Conventional women’s rooms are basically men’s rooms without urinals. The absence of female urinals in pbulic spaces emphasizes women’s lack of a penis and all the potency that Freud associated with penises.

-Ed: Olga Gershenson and Barbara Penner

LGBTIQ

The More Things Change, the More Things Stay the Same Julia DeLuca

So much has happened for LGBTQIA rights in these past few months already. We have seen the repealing of DOMA and Proposition 8. California has passed bill AB663 and AB1121 to provide LGBTQ sensitivity training to staff in senior citizen residence centers, and allow transgendered individuals to legally change their names with less hassle. In addition, California has also passed AB 1221, aka the School Success and Opportunity Act, which makes sure all students, no matter their sexual orientation, is provided with equal protection and opportunities.

So many strides have been made for LGBTQ rights.

Which leads to the lengthy legal and social battles in getting their rights recognized nationally and internationally.

Yes, it is true we have come a long way from before.

Not only have we as a society become more aware and involved with LGBTQ rights, but have realized they are individuals. However, more needs to be done.

Yet despite the great strides our nation, and nations outside the United States, have made for the LGBTQ community, there is still much more to do. Only fifteen of our fifty states recognize same-sex marriage. People are still targeted for hate crimes based

B

Even in our media... those who are LGBTQ oriented are painted as bizarre, flamboyant, hypersexual, or basically behaving in any manner which deviates from a standard norm. on their sexual orientation. New Jersey governor Chris Christie does not believe same-sex marriage is a human right. Our country still has “treatment centers” which try to “cure” individuals of homosexuality and shame people for not upholding a sexual orientation which society holds so dear to its heart.

Our culture is still locked in an ideology which embraces a heterosexual ideology. Even in our media which has individuals prefer same-sex company or don’t abide by the heterosexual norm, those who are LGBTQ oriented as painted as bizarre, flamboyant, hypersexual, or basically behaving in any manner which deviates from a standard norm. Very rarely are LGBTQ individuals portrayed as complex, three-dimensional individuals and are often there as background characters to bank on stereotypes.

While on the surface the way they act is comical and harmless to viewers, it reinforces the notion that LGBTQ individuals are sub-human. If they are subhuman, then the violation of their humanity and denial of recognition and rights is of no matter.

[IQ]

BROAD People

Message Me We Asked, You Answered

What is gender to you?

A social construction

The thing that sometimes stops me from doing what I want

A crock of shit

Whatever I want it to be

Two roads with no exit

A system made up by society to categorize people

A trap

Call For Papers The 24th Annual International Conference on Virginia Woolf, co-sponsored by Loyola University Chicago and Northern Illinois University, will take place in Chicago, USA, 5 – 8 June 2014. “Virginia Woolf: Writing the World” aims to address such themes as the creation of worlds through literary writing, Woolf’s reception as a world writer, world wars and the centenary of the First World War, and myriad other topics.

We invite proposals for papers, panels, roundtables, and workshops on any aspect of the conference theme from literary and interdisciplinary scholars, creative and performing artists, common readers, advanced undergraduate and graduate students, and teachers of Woolf at all levels. Possible themes include but are not limited to: Woolf as a world writer, including reception and/or influence of her work Writing as world creation Globalization of Woolf studies Feminist re-envisionings of the world Lesbian, gay, and/or queer worlds Living worlds Natural worlds Cosmology, physics, different kinds of worlds Geography(y)(ies) and/or mapping the world “First” and “Third” worlds Postcolonialism The centenary of World War I The World Wars Peace, justice, war, and violence Feminist writers of 1914 and/or suffragettes and WWI Pacifist and conscientious objector movements

Class and/in Woolf’s world(s) Writing the working class Socialists “righting” the world Expatriate worlds artistic worlds Inter-arts influences, including painting, cinema, music, and journalism The publishing world Transnational modernisms and postmodernisms Woolf and/on international relations Imperialism and anti-imperialism Teaching Woolf in global contexts Teaching Woolf outside of the traditional 4-year college classroom Woolf and the new global media Woolf and Chicago connections/reception

For individual papers, send a 250-word proposal. For panels (three or four papers, please), send a proposed title for the panel and 250-word proposals for EACH paper. For roundtables and workshops, send a 250- to 500-word proposal and a brief biographical description of each participant. Because we will be using a blind submission process, please do not include your name(s) on your proposal. Instead, in your covering e-mail, please include your name(s), institutional affiliation (if any), paper and/or session title(s), and contact information. If you would like to chair a panel instead of proposing a paper or panel, please let us know.

Deadline for proposals: 25 January 2014. Email proposals by attachment in Word to Woolf2014@niu.edu.

For more information about the conference, including the keynote speakers, go to www.niu.edu/woolfwritingtheworld/.!

We want you to Submit!

Contributor Guidelines Principles: i) Feminist Consciousness:

(a) recognizes all voices and experiences as important, and not in a hierarchical form. (b) takes responsibility for the self and does not assume false objectivity. (c) is not absolutist or detached, but rather, is more inclusive and sensitive to others.

ii) Accessibility:

(a) means utilizing accessible language, theory, knowledge, and structure in your writing. (b) maintains a connection with your diverse audience by not using unfamiliar/obscure words, overly long sentences, or abstraction. (c) does not assume a specific audience, for example, white 20-year-old college students.

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