Kintsugi Autumn Issue by BSP

AUTUMN - ISSUE 7

Art ··Culture Fashion · Beauty Travel · Self THE

DREAM ISSUE

Contents 3

Why the world needs dreamers and how we can consciously follow our hearts and live our greatest lives.

We have the power to influence our dreams, if only we can learn how

From the editor

The mindful five Embrace a peaceful new energy this autumn.

Reading list How much we can learn from books when we listen... our favourite new tomes to inspire this season

Five apps for... Changing your life

The power of dreams

Chase your dreams Chasing our dreams has less to do with what we can and can’t do, than with our willingness to hear that voice inside that will not stay quiet.Emma Johnson explains how to start listening

Dare to dream It takes a special kind person to throw off the expectations of the world and follow their own heart. Here we meet six women who have done just that, from starting a groundbreaking ‘school for dreamers’ to the wild women ditching the city for the highlands. Meet the brave women who dare to dream...

What happens next?

As the world returns to normal, how do we cope with the fallout? And how do we make the best of the opportunity? Beth Kempton looks at how now can be the perfect time to make a lasting change.

Finding hope in adversity Author Beth Kempton asks what if we consider that a crisis can happen for you, rather than to you

Learning to embrace change

Suzy Reading explores what makes change so difficult and asks how we can rise above it

A new kind of network The sense of freedom you get from working for yourself can feel exciting and liberating, but it might also initially feel a little lonely. Rachel Bridge shares some strategies for creating a community when you’re finally out of the office

Wildly elegant As Autumn sets in once more, take the time to slow down, relax and embrace the gentle. Wrap yourself in the softest of fabrics – elegant silks, chunky knits and cosy cashmere – and enjoy the most restorative season in style

Beauty cabinet Find purity and put yourself on the path to wellbeing with these uplifting stress saviours. Heartening handwash, soothing sleep aids, boosting balm, there has never been a better time to upgrade your daily rituals.

New possibilities When the world went into lockdown, the planet had a chance to breathe. But can this be a turning point towards creating a better, more sustainable world? It can and it must, says Raechel Kelly, founder of The Liminality

Five ways to be more sustainable Annabelle Spranklen explores the everyday changes we can make for the good of the planet

Happiness from within Nutritional Therapist, author and consultant Eve Kalinik explains the powerful two-way relationship between the mind and the gut and helps us rediscover how food can really make you feel brighter, lighter and full of vitality

The wise bird’s counsel

Editor-in-Chief Al Reem Al Tenaiji

A classic parable from the great poet Rumi

AS-SAMI The Hearer of All, The Ever-Listening

Managing Editor Dr Asma Naheed Editor Elle Blakeman

Najla Al Tenaiji explores how dreams have the power to turn a person of disability into one of pure determination

Editorial Assistants Paris Starr Annabelle Spranklen

Creative Director Rosemary Macgregor

A light in the dark

The library: a gateway to knowledge Do we still need libraries in the digital age? Very much so says Dr. Asma Naheed, DEdPsy

Sub Editor Bruno MacDonald

From the editor... “Our dreams are within us if we listen. To paraphrase the great Rumi, silence has much to say”

hat does it mean to chase a dream? Is it an active concept, something we consciously pursue, ignoring all calls to rest or change direction, or is it a passive one, something that will simply happen to us, flowing over us like water if we allow it to? Like so much in life I believe that the answer to all of our questions lays within. As my dear friend Francesca Del Nero – who actually founded a school for ‘dreamers’ (more of which later) noted: ‘We are the problem and this is wonderful because it means we are also the solution’. Our dreams are within us if we listen. To paraphrase the great Rumi, silence has much to say. To dream is to live, to embrace hope and to know somewhere deep down that we can make a difference to this world of ours. To have a dream you believe in is an incredibly powerful thing. There is a reason why so many famous inspirational speeches talk of dreams – the experience is universal, wherever you are in life there is always something to aim for. Perhaps your dreams involve changing your lifestyle, moving abroad or starting a new challenge. Perhaps you dream of love, compassion, adventure. Perhaps your dreams are about changing things for others – improving the environment or offering lasting comfort to those in need. As the beautiful Lupita Nyong’o declared upon winning an Oscar, ‘No matter where you’re from, your dreams are valid’. In this issue we look at what it takes to live your dreams. We look at the reasons why we sometimes fail to do so – the fear of failure that can unconsciously hold us back. We discuss how to approach change, how to stop our fear-based emotions from controlling our behaviour. We also look at how achieving peace in our everyday lives can help us to restore our energy, to give us the space and wisdom to move forward. Sometimes, dreaming is more about faith than action, surrender as much as seizing.

In this issue we meet some extraordinary women from all over the world who have thrown off their everyday lives to fulfil their greatest desires. All of these women were outwardly very successful – with well-paid jobs, big houses in capital cities – and yet they were not content, something in them was looking for more. For me, one person who encapsulates this more than anyone is the aforementioned Francesca del Nero. After reaching the top of her profession as a successful banker, she decided that her life was no longer serving her and instead she wanted to invest in the future in a new way, by educating others to help them to realise and follow their dreams and consciously live their best life. She, like many other great thinkers before her, recognised that the world needs dreamers. We depend on them. They are the ones that forge new pathways, that create and innovate and will overcome the problems that we don’t even know about yet. The wonderful thing about life is that it can at once be considered both long and fleeting. Fleeting in that things can change quickly, on a dime as the saying goes, and none of us knows how long we have on this precious earth, and yet long because we are lucky enough to live in a time when all of us can have second, third and fourth act if we choose. Every day the once unquestionable trajectory of school, work, marriage and retirement is being disrupted. No longer must women accept their fate, they can create it. So, in the words of the poet Mary Oliver, ‘what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?’

Clockwise from top: Kintsugi X Carine Gilson set, from £1,575, Kintsugi-space.com. Necklace and bracelet, from a selection, Swarovski. Coco Mademoiselle L’eau Privee, from £67, Chanel. Intention Cards, £40, Kintsugispace.com

The

Mindful 5 Embrace a peaceful new energy this autumn

TOWNHOUSE CANDLE

MEDITERRANEAN BATH SALTS

Smell sensations can trigger instant emotional responses, helping us feel calmer and more present. Joyfully, the new Townhouse Collection from Jo Malone London looks just as beautiful as it smells. From Pastel Macaroons to Green Tomato Vine and Glowing Embers there is a scent for every room in your home.

Blended with sun-evaporated Mediterranean sea salt, this handmade Jasmine of Arabia bath soak is infused with nourishing essential oils and minerals like calcium and magnesium. Ready to pop in the bath, the individual bags are encased in a hand-sculpted and glazed ceramic box that takes four days to create using artisanal techniques.

Townhouse Collection candle, 300g, £90, Jo Malone London.

Senteurs d’orient bath salts, £120, Net-a-Porter.

SILK EYE MASK HAND-BLOWN GLASS LAMP As we spend more time indoors, creating the right ambience is key to lifting your mood when things seem a little dreary outside. Rosanna Lonsdale’s designer lamps, all made-to-order using hand-blown and hand-painted glass, will perk up any space and come in an array of uplifting designs.

If you’re a light sleeper, we defy you not to find eye masks completely life-changing. Silk’s really are the best, ensuring your beauty sleep remains uninterrupted thanks to being made of 100% pure mulberry silk, they block out light, don’t slip and help reduce lines caused by frowning in your sleep. Slip pure silk sleep mask, £50, Cult Beauty

Handblown glass lamps, from £395, Rosanna Londsale

COTTON PYJAMAS Darker nights call for cosying up inside with a good page-turner and a pair of chic pyjamas. Fashion editor and stylist Barbara McMillan’s classic stripe pyjama brand, Honna London, should be your go-to. Using the softest, ethically-sourced cotton finished with white piping and mother-of-pearl buttons, these will keep you both warm in winter and cool in summer. Striped cotton pyjamas, £95, Honna London.

The

Reading List Our favourite essays, texts and tomes to inspire and challenge this autumn

HOW DO WE KNOW WE’RE DOING IT RIGHT?:

GRASP:

ESSAYS ON MODERN LIFE

THE SCIENCE TRANSFORMING HOW WE LEARN

PANDORA SYKES

SANJAY SARMA & LUKE YOQUINTO

Modern life is full of choices. We’re told that happiness lies within and we can be whoever we want. But with endless possibility comes a feeling of restlessness; like we’re somehow failing to live our best life. From fast fashion to millennial burnout, the explosion of wellness to the rise of cancel culture, Pandora Sykes interrogates the stories we’ve been sold and the ones we tell ourselves, and suggests that the answers might lie in the questions we’re asking.

As head of Open Learning at MIT, Sanjay Sarma has spent a career considering how learning works best. Grasp takes readers from neuroscience to cognitive psychology and beyond, as it explores the science – and future – of learning and ask how we can use it to discover our true potential, as individuals and across society.

PARTING WORDS: NIKSEN: THE DUTCH ART OF DOING NOTHING

OLGA MECKING -

We all know we need to slow down, just as we knew we need to develop more hygge in our homes and more lagom in our lives. Now, Niksen, the latest cultural imperative from Denmark will show us how to slow all the way down, and do nothing more than nothing. Unwind and reap the benefits of the sixth happiest country in the world.

NINE LESSONS FOR A REMARKABLE LIFE

BENJAMIN FERENCZ -

Ferencz turned 100 this year and, after a remarkable life, he has a lot to teach us. From a childhood during the Great Depression to a scholarship at Harvard, Ferencz oversaw several of the Nuremberg trials and fought to create an International Criminal Court to prosecute war criminals. In this extraordinary book, he shares the nine humble, compelling and life-affirming lessons he’s picked up along the way.

RAISING A RARE GIRL:

THE LAZY GENIUS WAY:

A MEMOIR ABOUT PARENTING, DISABILITY AND THE BEAUTY OF BEING HUMAN

EMBRACE WHAT MATTERS, DITCH WHAT DOESN’T, AND GET STUFF DONE

HEATHER LANIER

KENDRA ADACHI -

Born with an ultra-rare syndrome known as Wolf-Hirschhorn, Heather Lanier’s daughter Fiona challenged all of Lanier’s preconceptions, and opened her up to a new understanding of what it means to be human and what it takes to be a mother. This beautiful memoir is about embracing life as a spiritual practice that breaks us open in the best of ways.

THE AGE-WELL PLAN:

THE 6-WEEK PROGRAMME TO KICKSTART A LONGER, HEALTHIER, HAPPIER LIFE

SUSAN SAUNDERS -

Following on from The Age-Well Project, The Age-Well Plan, draws on almost a decade of extensive research into healthy longevity and Saunders’ experience as a health coach to give you the tools you need to live your own age-well life. This clear and easy-to-follow sixweek plan will show you how to make to support healthy ageing.

THE MONEY IS COMING:

YOUR GUIDE TO MANIFESTING MORE MONEY

SARAH AKWISOMBE -

Founder of the No Bull Business School, Sarah Akwisombe offers an easyto-follow, ten-step system to manifest more money into your life. By using a unique blend of her direct style and an honest, inquisitive look at the law of attraction, this book shows us how to re-programme your brain, breaking down negative money blocks to replace them with new thought patterns for a positive money mindset.

The chorus of ‘shoulds’ is loud. You should enjoy the moment, dream big, get up before the sun, and so on. Or maybe, says Kendra Adachi, you should ignore what people think. It’s so easy to feel overwhelmed by the mixed messages of what it means to live well, but Adachi invites readers to live well by their own definition and equips us to be a genius about what matters and lazy about what doesn’t.

UNREASONABLE SUCCESS AND HOW TO ACHIEVE IT:

UNLOCKING THE NINE SECRETS OF PEOPLE WHO CHANGED THE WORLD

RICHARD KOCH -

In this ground-breaking book, Richard Koch charts a new idea of success, identifying the nine key attitudes and strategies that have propelled the most unlikely people positions of power and influence. With this book, you can embark on a journey towards a new, unreasonably successful future.

YOU EXIST TOO MUCH ZAINA ARAFAT -

Told in vignettes that flash between the U.S. and the Middle East, Zaina Arafat’s debut novel traces her protagonist’s progress from blushing teen to sought-after DJ and aspiring writer. Opening up the desires of a young woman caught between cultural, religious, and sexual identities, You Exist Too Much is a captivating story charting two of our most intense longings: love, and a place to call home.

Five Apps for changing your life

1 SKIL L S H A RE If youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re looking to upskill or master a new hobby, this app is an easy way to access thousands of creative classes covering everything from calligraphy and using Photoshop to social media marketing and designing T-shirts. Watch classes via the app for on-the-go inspiration. While some classes are offered for free, you can upgrade to monthly or annual plans for complete access.

2 H ABI T I CA Making positive change is all well and good but how do you actually keep it up? Habitica helps you with exactly that, turning the goal of forming good habits into a fun game, with its own characters and scoring. The app also lets you build habits with friends and family and you can add customisable rewards – like a meal out or an extra hour binging on your favourite TV box set.

4 T WO FOODS Every day we make dozens of decisions on what we eat, and therefore what we become (hence the saying: we are what we eat). This simple app will help you make better decisions by allowing you to add or scan two different foods you might be debating and the app provides you with the nutritional information for each dish.

3 1 S ECO ND E V E RY DAY Sometimes we all need a little nudge to be more grateful for the things we have and this app is a handy reminder to do just that. Every day it records one second of your day, whether it’s your morning jog or a big milestone, collecting the beautiful, funny, tragic moments in your life as you go for one keepsake docu-film you’ll forever cherish.

M EM RI S E Committing things to memory can be hard, but this app provides an easy solution to make memorising fun. For example, if you’re learning a new language, learning the most common words is key to picking it up fast. You can use Memrise to quickly run through the words you want to learn and retain them through memorisation techniques. This can also apply to anything you want to remember, whether it’s a work presentation or the periodic table.

â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.â&#x20AC;&#x2122; - C.S. Lewis

The power of

dreams by AlReem AlTenaiji

‘A d r e a m e r i s o n e w h o c a n o n l y f i n d his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.’ – Oscar Wilde

very great vision begins with a dreamer. They are the ones who have the strength, the patience and the passion to reach beyond the conventional, to challenge the accepted way of doing things. In short, they change the world. To achieve great visions first we must have an unshakeable belief in our dreams. In this process, it’s not a case of not seeing the obstacles in our way – the nightmare mirror to our beautiful dream – it’s about overcoming them. It calls to mind the poem written by author and activist Yoko Ono ‘Silver Horse’:

Dreams help us solve problems; while awake, our conscious minds absorb information during the day; as we sleep, our subconscious takes over, I usually stay away from being carried away, processing this data, making sense of it before But one Day I saw a silver horse we wake and start all over again. REM sleep – the I thought he might take me to that somewhere high deepest phase of slumber – is thought to be where I thought he might take me to that deep blue sky. this processing can take place. Indeed, there are I came to realize that the horse had no wings. many examples of the subconscious organising our No wings, well, it wasn’t so bad, you know. thoughts into helpful ways: Einstein was said to I learned to travel the world around have developed his world-famous relativity theory And run on the ground in the morning. in a dream, Mary Shelley created Frankenstein in And that’s the story of a wandering soul, hers while golfer Jack Nicklaws even changed his A story of a dreamer swing while deep in REM sleep. The challenge to – Yoko Ono figure out is how to remember the dreams? One way we can help and inspire our own I had a Guru who used to start each session with subconscious is to ensure we get into that REM famous sayings, quotes, stories, or proverbs. His state for as long as possible. To do this it is vital all-time favourite was one by the writer James Allen: to lower our stress levels – especially around bedtime. One way ‘The dreamers are the to do this is to create saviours of the world’. and stick to healthy It stayed with me, ‘James Allen said routines as much embedding the idea that I can influence that ‘The dreamers are as possible (indeed when someone once my dreams. the saviours of the asked His Holiness A stylised idea of the Dalai Lama to this concept was world’. It has stayed describe the secret brought to light in the of living a fulfilling 2010 film Inception, with me’ life, the Dalai Lama where the characters replied, ‘Routine’). trigger specific dreams through drugs and suggestibility. While this Routines engendering steady habits have been may appear to be mere Hollywood fantasy, there proven to reduce stress and help our lives move is much evidence to suggest that it is possible to more smoothly. In the evening, I begin my bedtime routine with use techniques to control, or at least influence our dreams. Under the right circumstances, it is possible guided visualization (which is very beginner-friendly to plan to dream about a particular subject, to and probably one of the best ways to induce sleep), solve a problem or end a recurring nightmare. With which involves focusing on positive experiences. I practice, we can also increase our chances of having spend some time on mindfulness: by focusing on my breath and clearing my mind so that I feel a lucid dream, the sort of ‘dream within a dream’.

naturally calmer and ready for bed. After some time you can try Transcendental Meditation, a more advanced form of meditation where the meditator seeks enlightenment either through silence or a gentle mantra that’s repeated throughout a session. It’s important to declutter the mind as much as possible so turning off any technology at least an hour before bed is essential (try some positive short reads instead). Other helpful tricks to reach that vital REM stage include lavender drops on the pillow or jasmine incense, soothing white-noise machines and keeping the room as free from blue light as possible. Your harmonious day and night will restore your energy, giving your subconscious the strength and space to dream. I believe that dreams are whisper from the soul. Our intuitions are sending us secret messages which our heart receives. Our soul finds freedom from the inside out. Thus, the core of resolving any situation in life is the inward level of peace. Dreams can become our own internal barometer, registering our progress of overcoming challenges and contentment. When we hear the soul whisper by the ear of our heart, it inspires and highlights our achievements.

Chase your dreams Chasing our dreams has less to do with what we can and canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t do, than with our willingness to hear that voice inside that will not stay quiet. Emma Johnson explains how to start listening

“We dream to give

ourselves hope. To stop dreaming— well, that’s like saying you can never change your fate.” ~Amy Tan

he compulsion to chase our dreams has never been more visible. From Ted Talks to self-help podcasts urging us to throw off the shackles of expectation and demand the very most from our lives, the ability to dream has been commodified just like everything else. Where previous generations have been burdened with duty or status, the current world offers a cornucopia of options for dreamers. Yet what is often unsaid is how terrifying the thought of chasing our dreams really is. What if we fail? What if it changes everything? What if we can’t do it? What if we can? What if it’s too hard? And so we push our dreams back where we think they belong, we keep them in the hypothetical world, not the one we live in. The fear of failure or conspiring circumstances can be nothing short of paralysing, forcing us to pack our dreams away quietly, in dark drawer, in a back room

where no-one ever goes, least of all us. And there they stay, full of potential but shadowed in doubt and denial. And it is sadly possible to walk through our entire lives without ever looking in that drawer again. To ignore the times when it calls to us, or when we’re reminded of what we’ve put in there. When someone shares their good news, we might let our mind flit briefly back to our box of dreams (note: always be aware of jealous thoughts – they can be signposts if you let them). We might remember how we felt when we allowed that dream to bloom in our hearts, when we tasted the possibility it presented, when we saw the colour and shape of what our lives could look like. And, to make sure they don’t get out again, we fill our lives with things. And we make sure it’s so very many things that there’s isn’t space or time to think about those dreams anymore. We get phones, and

tablets and laptops and TVs. We have Netflix, and Amazon Prime, and Sky, and Instagram and Facebook and Tik Tok. We have jobs, and bills, and money, and houses and holidays and cars and gardens and exercise classes and family commitments. We have toxic relationships and alcohol and overeating and shouting and running and hiding and denial. And keep on doing this over and over and over again so that voice inside, that beautiful dream that we created once, so long ago, cannot be heard over the din of our consumption and fear. If we take this approach, our dreams will stay exactly where we left them, and that when we leave this earth they will remain just where they were. Unrealised, filled with potential, but useless. But our lives are bound for more than simply school and bills and getting old. ‘Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?’ asks the poet Mary Oliver. What indeed?

‘Your faith is that part of you that pushes you further than your fear will let you go’’ – Al Reem Al Tenaiji

DREAM UNAFRAID

START LISTENING

Our dreams could fill our worlds with endless, incredible possibility if we’d let them. Sometimes we’re scared that listening to our dreams means we have to change our lives. Change feels scary and hard. But often our dreams help us to see how good our lives already are. And instead they give us the strength to build from those lives something even better. They give us a solid foundation from which to hope and plan. Our dreams open our eyes to living brighter, happier, wilder lives – they paint pictures of a future that is exciting, not scary. If we took the time to listen, we’d see that our dreams - our true, deep, real heartfelt dreams - are often not what we expected. But that they are the true embodiment of the things we want for ourselves and those we love. ‘Leaving what feels secure behind and following the beckoning of our hearts doesn’t always end as we expect or hope,’ says Steve Goodier. ‘We may even fail. But here’s the payoff: it can also be amazing and wonderful and immensely satisfying.’ But these dreams are no good to us if we can’t listen to them. And so, we have to start to slow down, to find the quiet places, to give our dreams space to climb out of their box, and start gently whispering their hopes for us.

We have to be quiet, and we have to listen. Glennon Doyle calls this ‘the Knowing’. Writing in her extraordinary new book Untamed: Stop Pleasing, Start Living, she explains how she trained herself to step back, to listen that voice inside and to respect what it says. ‘Beneath the noise of the pounding, swirling surf, is a place where all is quiet and clear. There, in the deep, I could sense something circulating inside me. It was a Knowing. I have learnt that if I want to rise, I need to sink first. I have to find and depend upon the voice of inner wisdom.’ Chasing your dreams isn’t about being noisy or aggressive. It’s not about big actions or bold statements. In reality, chasing your dreams is first about learning to listen and quieting the outer voices that are trying to drown everything else out. Your inner world comes before your outer world. ‘The more consistently, bravely and precisely I follow the inner Knowing,’ explains Doyle, ‘the more precise and beautiful my outer life becomes.’

BEGIN TO IMAGINE Once you have learnt to listen to the voice, it then becomes about being brave enough to allow your dreams to take flight. To give that germ of an idea, that hope for future the space to flourish and to grow. Let possibility into your life and allow for all that you and your life can be. Get comfortable with uncertainty, get used to not knowing what comes next. You can choose the path but you will never

know exactly what you find at the end, because dreams aren’t about destinations, just as happiness isn’t a place to get to. Take inspiration from Anais Nin who writes: ‘Throw your dreams into space like a kite, and you do not know what it will bring back, a new life, a new friend, a new love, a new country.’ Allow yourself to dream as big or crazy as you want to, all the time knowing that your dreams are about what you want – if they feel wrong, they probably aren’t your dreams, so keep listening to that inner voice, keep trusting what you know, keep giving your dreams the space to breathe so they can become real. Dreams are about living as you want to, in a way that makes you feel free and joyful. ‘Let’s conjure up, from the depths of our souls, the truest, most beautiful lives we can imagine… may the invisible order become visible, may our dreams become our plans,’ says Doyle.

HAVE FAITH Of course, your dreams will always have a battle on their hands. Your fears are less biddable than your dreams, they won’ be put in boxes or pushed to the side. They’re shouty and loud and hard to ignore, so you must keep remembering to focus on what’s in your heart and not your head. To drown out the noise of your fear, turn inwards, and find your faith, whether that is a spiritual calling, a deep communion with God, or a trust in yourself – keep it at the forefront. ‘Your faith is that part of you that pushes you further than your fear will let you go,’ says Kintsugi Editor-inchief Al Reem Al Tenaiji. Trust the universe too – it so often presents the answer or the pathway ahead and if you’re open, if your dreams are alive with possibility, they will take the opportunities that are presented and it won’t feel hard, it will feel right. And when it does feel hard, that this too is part of life, of chasing dreams, of discovery, of self-development. We are not meant to stay the same, to reach the top of the mountain and stay there. Mountaineers will always find another mountains, scientists will always find another puzzle, we will always find another path. Keep dreaming, keep following your dreams, keep listening to them. ‘I am a human being, meant to be in perpetual becoming,’ says Doyle. ‘I am living bravely, my entire life will be a million deaths and rebirths.’

e r a

It takes a special kind person to throw off the expectations of the world and follow their own heart. Here we meet six women who have done just that, from starting a groundbreaking â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;school for dreamersâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; to the wild women ditching the city for the highlands. Meet the brave women who dared to dream...

r e a

Learning to fly The world needs dreamers very much,’ says Francesca del Nero. ‘They are the ones doing great things.’ Elle Blakeman gets ready to learn from the founder of the School for Dreamers

ack in 2007, Francesca del Nero was the quintessential Highly Successful Woman. Approaching fifty, she led a division of GE Capital in Milan. She had a large salary, a beautiful home and a close-knit community of family and friends. ‘I had a very nice life,’ she says, with no trace of regret. A year later she read The School for Gods by Stefano D’Anna and realised that everything for which she had worked so hard was no longer serving her. So she stopped. ‘That book opened a big door for me,’ she recalls. ‘I had so much but there was something that was pushing me further. I realised that I wasn’t here just to be a banker. I knew I could keep going and someday I could be the number one in the bank – but what was it all for? And since that moment, my life changed.’ The vision that took hold of Del Nero was epic: to inspire others to shake off the shackles of what the world expects and instead find and follow their dreams. ‘I had a real awareness that there was a lack of dreamers in the world,’ she says. ‘And the world needs them, very much. They are the ones doing great things. Free from fear, they fulfil their destiny. They are the ones who are capable of a truly big vision.’ Thoughts come to mind of Martin Luther King on the Lincoln Memorial or Steve Jobs igniting the personal computer revolution: people who ignored the ways of the past and the ever-present naysayers to achieve extraordinary things. Yet many of these revolutionary moments are now decades in the past. As the world veers from one crisis to another – banking, housing, healthcare, immigration – and we struggle with the stress of balancing family and life

with the demands of what was once called the nine to five (hours that sound positively part-time to many of us now), have we simply lost the energy to dream? ‘We inherit beliefs about what life should be,’ says Del Nero. ‘Everyone from our family to our culture and wider society gives us a description about how things should be. We learn that life is difficult: it is pain and problems, and we have to conquer those to achieve happiness. We’re taught that we are born, we study, then work, have a family, work some more, get old, get sick and die. It’s not such a tempting prospect. But we can get rid of this description. We can challenge and change these beliefs if we try. We have this freedom. ‘My vision is a world driven by better leaders: ones led by ethics, integrity, love and humanity, for the sake of all.’ This could easily sound ‘out there’ to those not so inclined. But Del Nero’s intentions were grounded in systemic and structural change – think targeting governments and large corporations rather than chanting in communes surrounded by beaded dreamcatchers. Putting her business acumen to use, Del Nero founded the School for Dreamers and devised a plan to educate and encourage world leaders and CEOs, to help them develop the emotional intelligence of their staff. Through seminars, talks and courses, the school focused on how to bring conscious freedom, integrity and visionary pragmatism into the lives of its students. ‘The basis of the School for Dreamers – which should be basis of all schools, in my opinion – is the journey of knowing yourself,’ she says, echoing the philosophy “Know thyself”, inscribed at the foot of many a Greek temple. ‘If I don’t know myself, how

‘Imagine a world where everyone is truly taking care of themselves, truly conscious’

can I love myself? And if I don’t love myself, how do I love anyone else? How do I contribute to society?’ A widening gap between internal and external reality, argues Del Nero, has left us all so stressed. ‘We try to find solutions out there. But we are the problem and we are the solution. And yet we are always searching for solutions in something or someone external.’ At the school, there is a big focus on personal responsibility. ‘We are taught to believe in limits and we find reasons to stop ourselves from pursuing our dreams – “My English isn’t good enough,” “I don’t have enough money,” “That’ll never happen for me.” When we see that we are free to choose something else, that we can decide what we want from life, there is a shift. We become kinder to ourselves and kinder to others.’ Del Nero contests that a better future and dreaming of a better life are impossible without connecting to the inner self, away from the noise and demands of the world. Even the most cynical among us would find it hard to argue with that logic. Every ‘crisis’ –from the housing crisis to the recent pandemic – requires new ways of looking at things, or we’ll be stuck in them forever. The more visionary and freethinking our leaders, the more ideas and solutions there will be, benefitting everyone. ‘The problem is none of us received any form of inner education while we were growing up,’ Del Nero declares. ‘We think there is only an external reality, so we fight against this reality. We’ve lost the capacity to be connected to our inner life.’ Unfortunately, Del Nero’s vision happened to coincide with the biggest global banking crisis in modern history. It was a while before others were in a position to be receptive. ‘Companies weren’t ready to listen to me,’ she recalls. ‘They had other things to worry about, so there wasn’t this openness.’ For five years, she focused instead on individuals, running much acclaimed courses and events while setting up the annual Dreamer’s Day conference in Milan. She also went through a heartbreakingly difficult few years: losing her partner in 2014, her mother a year later and then her youngest daughter in a car accident. Yet instead of throwing her off-course, these tragedies cemented her conviction. ‘I felt deeply and strongly that I had to accomplish my mission,’ she explains. ‘I learned to transform my pain into love, into gratitude.’ While grieving for her daughter, she wrote a book

entitled I Am Alive, featuring messages of hope for the world. ‘I felt that Virginia was talking to me,’ Del Nero says. ‘Sometimes she was there with me. I feel that we wrote this book together: messages for change, for love and for humanity.’ And in 2015, large companies began to wake up. In a world bruised by a devastating economic crisis, people wanted to work for brands that stood for something more than profit. For the first time since the ‘family-run business’ era, there was demand for values and authenticity. Many corporations fudged ‘mission statements’ and hoped that would be enough. It wasn’t. ‘There was a gap between what they were saying and the reality,’ she notes. ‘And so they started talking to us about how to fill that gap.’ It brings to mind the Gandhi quote about happiness being when ‘what you think, what you say, and what you do

are in harmony’. Del Nero ushered in the harmony. After twenty-five years in corporate finance, she has a refreshing ‘You can’t kid a kidder’ approach for those who seek her advice. ‘They cannot tell me lies,’ she laughs, ‘because I know what their work culture is like! ‘But it’s so positive – because, if you make changes for the better, work relationships will improve. Work will improve. Home life will improve. You will be at peace.’ Now, a new unforeseen crisis is hitting the world’s economy. ‘The virus has created something new,’ she says. ‘But sometimes we need trauma to make change happen. People are awakening. There is no way we can think of just ourselves anymore. The virus – incredibly – has put forward this opportunity to move forward, to be more aware, to be more capable of listening. ‘Everyone has a responsibility to work on themselves. So I work on me, you work on you. Imagine a world where everyone is truly taking care of themselves, truly conscious. We are at the beginning of a great awakening.’

Schoolfordreamers.com

My one wild life Through loss and heartbreak, author Tamsin Calidas found salvation in nature

Wild swimming – and, by extension, nature – became her sanctuary. She embraced its raw power and beauty with her entire soul. Her book is a hymn to the power of the wild landscape in which she has found her home and to the beauty of giving in, letting go and facing challenges with an open heart.

urning points in Tamsin Calidas’ life have been as dramatic as they are heartbreaking. Following a car crash and a terrifying incident with an intruder in her London house, she and her husband decided to move to a dilapidated croft on a remote island in the Outer Hebrides. For a while, this idyll was just what Calidas needed, but it wasn’t long before distrust and infidelity drove her marriage apart and Calidas was forced to give into change, trusting that moments ahead would play out as they were meant to. ‘Life is testing,’ she observes. ‘My own experiences show that those profound moments are the ones where all of that inner transformation and rebirth, that beauty, lies.’ Left alone on a remote island, with broken hands from separate accidents, Calidas was forced to fend for herself, before finding friendship and belonging with a neighbour. Shortly afterwards, that friend was tragically killed in a car crash and Calidas once again had to reset her life. At this point, she says, she truly gave in to the power of nature. ‘We’re so outwardly focused that we don’t give much thought to internal influence and agency,’ she says. ‘But we all have the ability to deal with and embrace all that comes to us. That is really an important truth, and one that I found when I went to the water to swim: every day, waking at dawn and running across fields to be present in that awesome moment when the sun lifts or the moon sets.’

Can you identify the key moments of change as you began to follow your dreams? I like very much that you suggest there was a series, because change happens all the time. And it’s not just an external but an internal process. In the book, we start externally and then we come right into the heart. It’s an immersive internal journey. There was the big change after my initial car crash, when I knew that life was short, temporary and precious. I was suddenly aware of my own mortality. It really woke me up – prompted me to make significant changes in how I lived and worked. Some of the changes in your life have been chosen and some forced on you. Do you see them differently? Often, it’s not that you’ve decided to make a change, but a tipping point happens. Sometimes it’s going on behind the scenes, almost as if life takes care of things. And I believe change often happens through necessity: there are external forces and factors, but also an emotional shift inside when you suddenly realise it had to be this way, because it couldn’t continue. With the island, we didn’t talk about it. We just went. It had been a dream for a long time, but the incidents in London were the impetus to actively make that change. Later, when my husband left, I was so numb and disconnected that it felt like change was going on around me. Change can come suddenly, or it can creep up on us. The beautiful thing of life is there’s so many unlived threads and narratives and stories, but there is always a pattern. For me, it was about saying, “Wake up! This what you’re doing. And you can keep doing it. But is it for you?” Unless we change our inner fabric, we just keep repeating

patterns. I love the metaphor of windows in your life that you pass by: are you actually going to dare to stop, to look through, and to step through? Or throw open the window and breathe the fresh air beyond the glass? How has living amid nature helped you through challenges?

It helps me every day. The day that my husband left, I lay down on the floor, because I needed to feel the earth holding me. That was instinctive. There was such a calm and quiet solitude, it felt like a great wave of water over me. It was a relief to feel that weight of silence and to close my eyes. I knew if I could just keep breathing quietly, life would start to change. Later, when bills kept coming and there was no money, and I struggled to even eat, I was so hungry that I reached out for a small handful of greenery. That was a huge mental shift: suddenly realising, ‘It’s all here. All I need. I’ve just been looking in the wrong place.’ It felt like a gift. It was a relief to discover such an abundant food source.

‘The

depth of our suffering is often there for a reason’ How has wild swimming helped you?

Grief is like soil: it’s heavy and clings to your skin, even when you come up for air – even after you brush it off. And this is where transformation and uplifting and the most peaceful thing that ever happened to me took place. One day, I went to the water, and something extraordinary happened. It felt like my name was called with a voice that came from the universe itself. But it was inside as well. Ever since then, I know it only takes a breath to reconnect to that world. That connection is cellular. It’s within your body. And that’s the gift that’s waiting for all of us. I knew I would never feel alone again. And when times get harder again, I can access that connection. Do you believe that ‘this too shall pass’?

In many ways, yes. When you’ve got waves barrelling towards you, you think, ‘That’s gonna be cold or it’s gonna hurt when it hits,’ but then it doesn’t. The water is cold, but it’s also soft. It wraps around you, and the buoyancy lifts you. In the water, there is no place for fear; you are just your breath. And that’s a huge physical, emotional, spiritual, metaphysical awakening. We have that resilience inside us. The profound depth of our suffering is often there for a reason. We euthanise our pain or our sorrow, our grief, our fears. And we frame those as negative experiences that we can’t wait to get beyond, but actually life brings us its gifts.

Surrendering to what is From city girl to cow farmer, Shreve Stockton is a flag-bearer for putting your fate in the hands of the universe

‘If I focus on what I can give, what I can contribute, I enjoy life more’

ity girl Shreve Stockton was on a road trip across America, from San Francisco to New York, riding through the dramatic scenery on her trusty Vespa. When she passed through the incredible landscape of Wyoming, she was struck by a profound sense of never wanting to leave. Within months, she sold her New York apartment and moved to a remote cabin, flanked by wild meadows and soaring mountains, with no other humans for miles around. The nearest shop was a four-hour drive away. ‘I was just going off intuition,’ she marvels. ‘I had no job. I didn’t know anyone in the entire state. But there was this piece of me that knew it was right, even if it wasn’t logical.’ Today, Stockton lives with a coyote she rescued as a cub, and a menagerie of animals she calls her ‘farmily’, and raises meadow-grazing beef cattle, with a focus on ethical, humane treatment. Living and working amid a rich natural wilderness has given Stockton a perspective on life that she shares in her beautiful new memoir Meditation with Cows. A connection with nature has taught her that change is inevitable, and that surrendering to the path ahead, whatever it may look like, is freeing and powerful. ‘I spend a lot of time with Mother Nature,’ Stockton says. ‘She shows me, over and over, that life is about joy. And it’s also about living in a way that supports and contributes to the multitude of lives around us. That’s when life becomes a dance, a circle, an expansion.’ Can you identify the point when you decided to make a change?

The biggest turning point began with waking up to my greatest childhood fear. My apartment building was on fire in the middle of the night and I had to run barefoot past a wall of flames to get out. Suddenly my neighbours and I were homeless. It set off the most unexpected and remarkable chain of events, both internal and external. I don’t know that I would have found my way to Wyoming – my truest home and the life I love – if not for that fire. Then that moment in Wyoming was completely unexpected. It was a visceral sense that this is where I needed to be. I was halfway through my trip, but I stopped in Wyoming, went to the library and looked in the classifieds for jobs and apartments. I really needed to stay. But I wasn’t ready to be done with

Being in Wyoming and having life so tied into being outside, and working with animals and nature – the grass, the rain, the things we have no control over – has taught me to be flexible and to be in a relationship with nature. Especially when I am scared or confused, that relationship is a touchstone because it reminds me that it’s not just about me. I’m not the centre of the universe. If I focus on what I can give, what I can contribute, I enjoy life more. How has this surrender helped you to follow your dreams?

the trip. So I thought, ‘Well, I can go on, and I can always turn around.’ So I kept going. And when I got to New York, I turned around and came back. Does listening to intuition take practice?

I think everyone hears the voice, but it takes practice to hear the voice. I needed the practice of going with the voice, and seeing it work out, to trust it with something of such magnitude. It’s about not feeling uncertain, even if I can’t see what’s going to happen. I have learned that the step that I can’t see will appear, if I go with my gut. So it doesn’t feel completely uncertain. If the feeling is there, I know I’m going in the right direction. How does that translate to your experiences in the natural world?

Nature is such a teacher. It can be intense and brutal and scary. But it has been such a teacher, because humans cannot control nature, as much as we try to. We never completely have the upper hand. Moving into the cabin in Wyoming was a crash course in surrendering to the moment – because it is the moment as defined by nature. In modern society, we’ve created false environments for ourselves, where our needs are fulfilled by manmade interventions. We’ve got out of practice of going with the flow and dealing with things that might not be what we want. And it’s this point of surrender that is so important.

The daily practice of believing in myself so completely has been hard: to lay myself bare on the page, hour after hour, every day, for a year – my past, my research, my dreams for our collective future on this planet. I knew what I wanted the book to be, but I didn’t know if I was capable of doing it. Trusting myself, and believing that my thoughts and perspectives are valuable and worth sharing, was unbelievably hard. I had to reckon with my conditioning, with my self-worth, with the ways I define myself. While it was excruciating, I’m glad I had the opportunity to do that work of excavating the cobwebby corners of my psyche and exorcising my demons. Doing the thing you thought you might not be capable of doing is the most incredible feeling in the world. When we set out to do something new, there’s a delicious blend of terror and trust. I’m kind of addicted to that risk. Is change is something anyone can learn to cope with?

Change is terrifying and exhilarating. Life is one big guessing game, but it’s easy to forget that when I’m in the flow of routine. Change reminds us that we don’t know what’s around the corner of the next year or month or week or day or minute. That can feel unnerving or exciting. My life has maybe has more wild cards in it than someone with a nine to five office job, just because every day is different and you never know what’s gonna happen with the animals or the weather. It’s something I’ve accepted. That’s not to say that change is always easy. Change is uncomfortable, but it’s also really exciting. But if we trust ourselves to be resilient, and trust the potential for things to be even better than they are, change can be something to run towards.

Making space for creativity How artist Zena El Farra followed her dreams to mindfulness

anker turned artist Zena El Farra is the founder of MasterPeace Creative Studios. London’s first ‘mindful painting’ experience, it uses the rhythmic, colourful, meditative process of painting to boost mood, and manage anxiety and depression. El Farra, twenty-seven, believes that ‘creative restoration’ can be as mainstream a form of therapy, wellbeing and relaxation as yoga. Accordingly, MasterPeace has patrons across seventeen countries, while a successful At Home Mindful Painting Kit was born from lockdown restrictions.

When did you decide to leave banking to follow your artistic dreams?

I had the idea for MasterPeace for years. But there were moments that triggered the decision to take the plunge. Having burnt out after a particularly difficult year in my job as a banker, I started to reflect on what truly mattered to me. Seeing my mum with advanced cancer also contributed to a sense of urgency. We can’t take time for granted, if there’s something you’d regret not doing, do it now. How did you feel as you left one life behind and started another?

Initially, full of self-doubt. But I kept coming back to this idea that it was now or never – that I couldn’t not do this. Then it stopped feeling like a choice with a right or wrong. It started feeling like a certainty that I needed to make the best of. I definitely have a love-hate relationship with change. If things stay the same too long, I feel I’m not growing or making the most of life. On the other hand, I’m such a creature of habit that the prospect of change sometimes feels exhausting. That being said, with the launch of the business, every time something I relied on fell through, something better came along. It’s as though the universe is trying to tell me not to be scared of change, and to ride the wave a little more spontaneously.

What has been the hardest thing to learn?

Managing the pressure that I put on myself. I am so in love with MasterPeace, our community of guests and neighbouring businesses that I give almost every waking moment to making the experience a success. I truly believe in the positive impact it is making on thousands of people around the world. But I am equally passionate about the importance of balance and rest, especially having had personal experience of burnout. So the challenge is ensuring I practice what we preach every single day: taking time to do what I love,

‘I kept coming back to this idea that it was now or never, that I couldn’t not do this’ this’

valuing rest as much as productivity, and enjoying the journey, not just the outcome. And what has been the best thing?

Talking to our guests at the end of their classes and hearing what the experience meant to them. We’re proud to help them reconnect with their creativity in meaningful ways. Guests have told us that our classes have helped them sleep at night after years of struggling with stress. With all the pressures of the office, it felt like the first time someone had told them ‘Good job’ for something they’d done. Or the first time they allowed themselves to play like children again. Guests who, for decades, have been too scared to pick up a paintbrush have finally felt able to follow their creative dreams. That’s all we ever set out to do, really. What advice can you offer anyone looking to change their life?

I believe there are no wrong decisions. The key is committing to a decision, and doing everything in your power to make that decision the right one – by making it a success. Doubting myself and questioning the path I was on was exhausting. Once my mindset shifted, and I truly believed that I had to do this right now, it was no longer a choice. All my energy could be directed to making it happen.

masterpeace.studio

The power of letting go Walking away from a decade-long relationship in her early forties, Jill Sherer Murray learned that the biggest love story we ever have is with ourselves

he let go of a love that wasn’t working. She moved across America, from Chicago to an artists’ community on the East Coast. She changed her life without knowing what was ahead. In being open to change, Jill Sherer Murray created a world of possibilities. She has since presented a TEDx talk that has earned over 2.5 million views, become an award-winning journalist and published her first book: Big Wild Love: The Unstoppable Power of Letting Go. ‘Big Wild Love is not love with another person, but self-love with intention,’ she says. ‘The kind that gives us the courage, confidence and sense of safety we need to take the risks inherent in letting go. When we’re standing at the edge of the cliff, peering over the edge to see if there’s a net, Big Wild Love reminds us that we are the net.’ Sherer Murray told us how changes in her life forced her to look in the mirror and ask hard questions. Answering those questions allowed her to understand and love herself enough to be bold: ‘I no longer sleep through my epiphanies, or make choices on autopilot. I don’t ignore my instincts, or let other people define me, or decide what I have and what I don’t. I no longer fear change. I embrace it.’ She has now been happily married to her husband Dan for fourteen years.

Can you identify the point at which you decided to make a change?

I was in my thirties, dating a wonderful man I deeply loved, but who didn’t want to marry me. I knew in my heart that he wouldn’t change his mind, but spent over a decade hoping for it anyway. It wasn’t until we were together for twelve years, when he failed to turn up to a house viewing we

had planned, that I finally allowed myself to see the truth. It was a moment that brought me to my knees. Had I not been ready to embrace change and let go of the relationship, I might have pushed it under the rug or convinced myself to ignore it. Our epiphanies push us to the mirror, forcing hard questions and answers. Do we want to keep holding on; knowing that if we do, we’ll always have what we have, nothing more and nothing less? Or do we take a big breath and let go? Why do we find change hard?

We fear risk and loss. Fear means we don’t have internal grounding, so we go back into the house. The house isn’t awesome, but we know it and it’s safe. Since we are hardwired for safety, that’s okay with us. Until it isn’t. Again. And again. And sometimes again. Sometimes I talk about change as being stuck on a windowsill. You’ve got one foot inside and one outside, and it is uncomfortable. You have a choice: put the other foot in the house or get out. Go in the house, and you’re right back in the limitations. There’s nothing freeing about that: you’re drawing walls around what’s possible. But if you push yourself outside, what’s possible is endless. How does change make you feel?

Terrified. Exhilarated. Hopeful. Proud. Confused. Curious. Sometimes panicked. Change conjures up a kaleidoscope of feelings. And that’s appropriate. If you do something that changes your landscape and don’t have any feeling about it, you’re just moving numbly through life. Or repressing your feelings because they’re too painful – burying them so deep that you need a surgeon to get at them. If you create change on the outside, without creating change inside, that change won’t last or have the effect you want it to.

I knew I needed to let go of what was no longer right for me, and any expectations that what came next was going to be easy. I prepared myself for the highs and lows, especially since I was starting over at forty-one. I was older than the last time I’d been on the dating scene and had limiting beliefs to contend with. I had to do the hard work to cull those limiting beliefs, so I was empowered to get what I wanted. What has been the hardest thing?

Letting go of someone who was truly good. Hector had an enormous heart and did the very best he could for me. I always knew he cared and that he loved me. He just couldn’t go the whole distance. It was hard to drive away from him. But in the spirit of ‘him or me’, I had to choose me. Big Wild Love is about choosing ourselves – not in a selfish way, but in a self-loving way. I knew that if I didn’t give myself a shot at finding a partner who wanted all that I wanted – including love and marriage – I’d be on my deathbed with a lot of regret. And so I bet on myself.

What is the best advice for facing change?

Look inward first. Prepare yourself for it, as if you were training for a marathon. You need to consider who you are, what you want, what you need to do to get there, and how you’ll push through the difficult moments. Two acts – love yourself and let go – have never failed me when it comes to creating positive change. I reach for them almost reflexively whenever I get that itch that something needs to shift. It’s a powerhouse.

letgoforit.com • Big Wild Love: The Unstoppable Power of Letting Go (She Writes Press, £12.99)

‘I

don’t ignore my instincts, or let other people define me, or decide what I have and what I don’t’ 28

â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;I would have been successful but dissatisfied â&#x20AC;&#x201C; and that is how I could have left the world 29

From banking to Buddhism Held hostage in a hotel room, Emma Slade found her life’s turning point. Here, she tells Kintsugi what happened next

hat makes a person turn from a successful career in banking to embrace Buddhism and start a charity helping children with special needs in Bhutan? For financial analyst Emma Slade, the turning point came at gunpoint, held hostage in a hotel room in Jakarta. It caused her to look deep into her life and find it wanting. ‘The hostage situation was pivotal,’ she declares. ‘I thought it was the end, and I felt that I had fundamentally wasted my life.’ Back in the UK, Slade left her financial career and began exploring yoga, meditation and wellbeing. Her aim was to turn a traumatic episode into wisdom and a life in which she could thrive. She qualified as a yoga teacher in 2003, founded the charity Opening Your Heart to Bhutan in 2015 and, in recognition of her exceptional volunteering, was given the Point of Light award by the Prime Minister in 2017. That year, she published Set Free, which detailed her extraordinary story, and gave an inspirational TED talk that has been watched more than 500,000 times. She is now a life coach, running workshops and retreats, and telling her incredible story. Slade believes change can bring us space and clarity, if we embrace the freedom that comes from uncertainty. ‘You need to have the courage to leap into the unknown,’ she notes. ‘Change makes you feel as if things are outside of your control. But I discovered that I found that okay. I was happy with uncertainty. And now my life is enormous: a massive tapestry that expands and shifts.’

How did lockdown change your life?

It hasn’t changed an awful lot. Everyone else is now

living a sort of monastic existence! For many, it has given greater clarity, and people are surprised by what they’ve learned and what they’ve noticed. My life has been fairly solitary for years – but, from a Buddhist point of view, we’re never in isolation. Everything is interconnected, so I have been enjoying the peace, the nature, the birdsong and the plants in my garden, and renewing my understanding of that Buddhist idea of connection. Even though I’m away from Bhutan, I am connected to it through nature. I have strong visual pictures and feelings about being in the Himalayas, so I can imagine the sky, the clouds, the temples, the car horns, the sound of prayers floating out of windows. When you can’t go to a place, those evocative pictures and senses become quite strong. COVID has been a turning point for many. Can you pinpoint those moments in your own life?

The hostage situation was pretty pivotal, although I didn’t realise it. At the time, it was just deeply terrifying. It came out of nowhere and did end up changing everything for me. I thought I was going to die. I had a gun to my head. And I just thought, ‘I have done nothing of any value with my life.’ That was a really powerful moment. It exploded my narrow sense of what I was and what I was capable of. Even though I’ve had a big career and done outwardly impressive things, I felt as if I hadn’t really loved anyone. I hadn’t truly cared about anyone. I’d shown little kindness in the world. And what followed was this overwhelming feeling of kindness and compassion, which was unexpected. Having had my vision expanded in such a huge way, to contract back to looking at screens and getting excited about interest rates was like trying to go back into a box I’d jumped out of. And I don’t think I’ve ever been good at being contained. I was seriously contained in that hotel room: held between the bed and the wall. So some part of me didn’t want to be put back in a box. That gave me a feeling of restlessness, and a wish to explore. What was the process of change like?

It took time to think it through. My head was saying, ‘This life isn’t really it for you.’ Another part of me said, ‘Don’t be daft. You’ve got this position. You’re doing really well. You can buy whatever you need.’ So there was an internal conflict. It took time to

have the courage to leap into the unknown. It was about trusting in uncertainty. For the first time in my life, I felt at ease with spaciousness. I couldn’t completely see the next step, and I was happy. I had to be able to look at the unknown as positive, not scary. I remember feeling a kind of freedom – that anything might arise. And that feeling is really good. Why do you think we are resistant to change?

It requires courage not to lose insights that you gain. You never know the things that, ultimately, are going to be of the greatest significance. Even the worst things can open up huge possibilities. I could have carried on with my career, and I would have been successful but dissatisfied. And that is how I could have left the world. When humans have pivotal moments, where things are radically different, it can be unsettling. But it can lead to great clarity and rethinking things. You’ve expanded, because you’ve been in different circumstances. You’ve seen yourself differently. And what part of that you choose to keep – whether you grow into that expansion or go back to your comfort zone – will differ for everybody. After that, it’s a question of, okay, what do you do with it? Do you change, or just go on as normal? What has change brought to your life?

My life is enormous now. It’s a tapestry of interconnecting things: I’ve written a book, I’ve got the charity, I teach people, I study Buddhism. I’ve got so many friends. So many people know me. It’s this huge landscape compared to the narrowness of the existence I had. One of the many benefits of all the prayers and meditations is that you get easier with the flow of life. You get less grasping in terms of trying to control things. We live in a culture where control is a huge issue, but we need to learn to let go. In Buddhism we talk about having a soft mind – and, from a resilience point of view, you need that softness. Otherwise your mind is brittle, because it needs things to be a certain way. But if you have the capacity to let go into the circumstances as they evolve, if you can soften your mind to allow that to happen, it will go easier, and you will be far more resilient.

openingyourhearttobhutan.com . emmaslade.com Set Free: A Life-Changing Journey from Banking to Buddhism in Bhutan (Summersdale, £9.99) 30

â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.â&#x20AC;&#x2122; - Ralph Waldo Emerson

What happens next? With the dust starting to settle after a monumental global shift, Beth Kempton looks at how difficult times can be just the catalyst we need to change our lives for the better

‘We have realised that things can change at a moment’s notice’

his time five years ago I was pregnant, waiting eagerly for the birth of my second daughter, Maia. I was also exhausted, working way too hard with no let up, haemorrhaging money to fix anything that popped up as a problem, and taking absolutely no care of myself. One day, it was all too much and I collapsed on my bedroom floor, and started seeing visions of myself in my twenties on some of the adventures that seemed so far away in that moment – climbing a mountain on horseback in Bhutan, sharing a carriage on the Trans-Siberian railway with chandelier-toting Chinese merchants, watching a humpback whale dance in Antarctica – and I realised that I had forgotten how to feel free. It is often our hitting the floor moments that lead us to a new door, and new adventures. It happened to Elizabeth Gilbert in Eat Pray Love (only she was in a bathroom). It happened to Glennon Doyle (on a yoga mat). It has happened to many others, and it may have happened to you. If so you’ll know that once you have hit the floor, the only way is up… and it might make a good story one day. So many nonfiction books are born of struggle and pain, yet they uplift us because the lessons are hard earned. In my case, my hitting the floor moment led to a big question about what it means to feel free, and to my first book deal with Hay House for Freedom Seeker. That book led to another, and another, and another. I am now working on book five, and I count my blessings every single day that I get to write and call it work. So many good things have come out of writing books, which are nothing to do with writing books. New friendships, new experiences, travel, fascinating conversations, new things to learn, unexpected invitations and exciting opportunities, connections with some of my own literary heroes… ⠀⠀Take a moment to imagine what it would mean for you if, five years from now, you were penning your fifth book. It is certainly possible. If a book is not your thing, think about what is, and imagine what it would mean for you if that had come about. The

truth is, whether it happens is in large part up to you. It may not appear in exactly the way you expect, or to the timescale you think would work, but making something outrageously exciting happen over a period of several years is absolutely possible, if you start to take action towards it. I wrote my fourth book in lockdown in sixteen days. I have never felt so compelled to get something finished so urgently, not as an expert on pandemics, but as someone who has been helping others navigate change for a decade. And I could see that some mighty turbulence was heading our way, and no-one would be unaffected. There was a moment when I was reading the final proof of that book, We Are in This Together: Finding hope and opportunity in the depths of adversity, at 5am one morning in April, that I had the clearest vision of our lives as slices of time. I submitted the manuscript on Tuesday April 14. By the time the typeset proof came back on April 29, most of the statistics in the book had doubled. It was hard to process what the numbers meant in terms of real people’s lives, and it made me realise how, in just two weeks, some of the simple details of the days I had captured like diary entries had already morphed into other kinds of details and how, if you were to pick up that book today, it will have morphed into something else again, when you reflect on the context of your own experience. I feel enormously grateful that I had the opportunity to capture this extraordinary time in book form, and reflect on it through the lens of navigating change and doing what you love. I also have this tremendous sense of us living through a piece of history as it is being written, and how important it is that we capture these details so that when this is all over we don’t forget, and somehow whitewash over the pieces that really mattered.

Of course all of life is like this, constantly evolving into something else, but it feels as if the great slowdown also accelerated certain things, like the time it takes to get used to new ways of working and communicating. Have you noticed how there has been this strange dual cycle going on, where something things seem to have been floating, suspended in time, and others seemed to move faster than we ever thought possible? Much of that has been born out of necessity, and some out of the lack of other distractions. It has been such a curious thing to watch, and inspiring in many ways. Whatever our individual experiences of the pandemic have been (and continue to be, in one way or another), there is no doubt that the landscape has shifted, and all bets are off now. We have realised that things can change at a moment’s notice, and while that can be disconcerting, it also offers reason for hope and even excitement. Because if things we previously thought were impossible – like most of the world shutting down in a matter of days – then what else might be possible. So go back to that dream of what you’d love to experience in your life, and ask yourself this: What is the one small action you can take today to shift the trajectory in that direction? Beth Kempton is the author of We Are in This Together: Finding hope and opportunity in the depths of adversity (Piatkus, £2.99), a practical and inspiring compass for navigating these turbulent times, moving from resistance to resilience, to take care of yourself and your family in the chaos

Learning to embrace change The only constant is change. But coping with that is something we donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t talk about enough, says Suzy Reading

‘It can be difficult to navigate change and the work of inner reorientation’

aily rhythms, seasonal flow, the natural ageing process, and the many milestones of life that we tick off as we get older make change inevitable. Yet change is something that many people find deeply challenging, and something we don’t talk about enough. As we emerge from an unprecedented time at home, we enter the next chapter of life (‘next chapter’, to me, feels less overwhelming than ‘the new normal’). Exploring the nature of change can help us understand our feelings and make the most of this precious opportunity to reset. If you feel resistant to change, you’re in good company; on some level, most of us are. But there are simple ways we can make peace with change, welcome it and even relish it. Why do we find change hard? Inner reorganisation and a redefining of self are consequences of change. It doesn’t matter whether the situation is of your choosing or something in

which you have no say. As anyone who has gone to university or emigrated knows, even positive change can be challenging. In his book Managing Transitions: Making the Most of Change, William Bridges describes three stages of transition. Firstly, an ending. Secondly, a neutral zone, often characterised by shapelessness and confusion. And finally a new beginning, in which we feel clarity, renewed vigour and purpose. Acknowledging that first stage, even when it is our choice, involves shedding. Grief is a legitimate response to that loss. And it can be hard to sit in the discomfort of stage two, the fallow time. You may feel pressured to make the leap before you’re ready, but transition cannot be rushed. It can be difficult to navigate change and the work of inner reorientation. But there is much to celebrate. Amid the sadness, fear and awkwardness, there is exhilaration, excitement and liberation. Variety is the spice of life and transition is the stuff of which personal evolution is made. This is how we learn and grow.

NGE

STEPS T

BRAC

1. CALM YOURSELF

2. FEEL YOUR FEELINGS

Come home to your body and reclaim the ability to relax. There’s nothing lazy, indulgent or luxurious about this. Being anchored in calm keeps the physiological stress response at bay, allowing you to think with greater clarity, to empathise with others and to carve a purpose-driven path.

When we acknowledge the sense of loss induced by change, we see that grief is a natural response. To reorient, and form a new identity, we need to notice, accept and move through our feelings. Naming those feelings – of which there can be many at once – in a journal can be helpful.

It’s not unusual in times of change to feel threatened and fearful. In this state, the body prepares to defend itself, diverting blood to the arms and legs to fight or flee, and activating primitive parts of the brain. It becomes a challenge to think straight, to be compassionate and to know where to start in dealing with change. Building a capacity to soothe your mind and body is fundamental to making peace with your circumstances.

Meditative practices can help us make space for our feelings, while breathing exercises and movement can dissipate their charge. And we can shake off our feelings, by shaking out our hands and setting the intention to release what we no longer need. Or try three lion breaths to roar away things that would be harmful to say: breathe in through your nose, then exhale with your mouth wide open and your tongue extended as far as possible.

Simple ways to release tension and soothe your nervous system include: • spending time in nature; • engaging in pleasurable movement, such as walking or yoga • massaging areas where you habitually hold tension. To release your jaw, stroke your fingertips downwards from just in front of your ears, down your cheekbones, to your jawbone. Allow your mouth to open as you do so. Repeat several times. Drop the day’s burdens from your shoulders with shoulder rolls: place your fingertips on your shoulders and, as you breathe in, sweep your elbows forwards and upwards. As you breathe out, take them back and down. Repeat six times. Notice how much lighter and brighter you feel. • Breathe better to feel better: elongate your exhalation for greater calm. Try six candle breaths: breathe in through your nose and slowly exhale through softly pursed lips, as if gently blowing out a candle.

3 . TA K E A C T I O N

What can you do in a changing scenario? What lies within your control? Don’t let your mind linger on things you can do nothing about; that’s a waste of time and energy. Focus on what you /can/ do something about. If solutions feel elusive, let the goal be to nourish and replenish yourself. From this place, creativity and resourcefulness bloom, and you’ll find your answers in time. 4. FIND THE SILVER LINING

Refresh your relationship with change by considering its positive benefits. Even challenging times often have small upsides. How is this experience encouraging you to grow? What lessons are you learning? 5. LOOK BACK

Make a timeline of resilience, plotting all the changes you’ve overcome in the past. What strengths and skills did you draw on? You did it then and you can do it again. And you can return to step one as often as need be.

Suzy Reading is an author, chartered psychologist and coach specialising in self-care, helping people manage their stress, emotions, and energetic balance. Her new book Self-Care for Tough Times is out now. instagram.comsuzyreading

A New Kind of Network The sense of freedom you get from working for yourself can feel exciting and liberating, but it might also initially feel a little lonely. Rachel Bridge, author of How to Work for Yourself shares some strategies for creating a community when youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re finally out of the office

BUILD WATERCOOLER MOMENTS INTO YOUR DAY FIND A WORK PARTNER If you miss being able to bounce ideas off work colleagues, then depending on the type of services you offer, you could consider finding a partner who can work alongside you doing the same sort of thing as you. That could be an option if you are an illustrator, virtual PA or accountant, for example. Because you are both in the same field of work there will be endless opportunities to brainstorm ideas and discuss opportunities. And there may be other advantages to simply having someone to share your working day with; if they have skills which complement and add to your own, the two of you working together may be able to take on a much wider range of projects than you could have on your own. SEEK OUT OTHER PEOPLE LIKE YOU Even if you don’t want a work partner, it can still be beneficial to meet up with people who work in the same field as you on a regular basis. Not only can it give you a real sense of being part of a community, you may also pick up useful tips and contacts. Stoney Parsons is a stained-glass artist who works to commission making stained-glass doors and panels for restaurants and other buildings, including a screen and pillar for Raymond Blanc’s Michelin-starred restaurant Le Manoir Aux Quat’Saisons, near Oxford. She works in her studio near her home in Tunbridge Wells and is a member of the Chelsea Arts Club in London. She now travels up there once a week to chat to other artists and play snooker. She says, ‘I love my work and when I am doing an intense piece of work I don’t need anyone around, but I definitely get lonely sometimes. If you work in an office, there is always a bit of banter and people to make you laugh if you are feeling a bit down, and I think not having that is one of the biggest downsides to working for yourself. I listen to Radio 4 when I am working but I realised that I needed people to talk to, so I joined the Chelsea Arts Club to be around like-minded people. And it really does work. There are a lot of artists there and they all have the same issues about their work, so there is that commonality, which is really meaningful. It is helpful to know that other people are in the same boat.’ Stoney also started teaching art classes once a month in her studio, calling them Art from the Heart, and now every summer she also teaches art classes for several weeks at Skyros, a creative retreat which has centres on the Greek island of Skyros and on the Isle of Wight. ‘I am quite a gregarious person and I like being able to share what is in my head with other people,’ she says. ‘When you work for yourself it can be easy to forget the self-care bit, but that is really important. We are human beings, not machines.’

If you find that you love working alone, but miss having people to pass the time of day with, you could always check out the neighbours. Jacqueline Cloake is a freelance voice-over artist and narrator who does voice-overs for television and radio adverts and documentaries, getting work through an agent. She lives in a small house in London during the week to be close to recording studios, and in an apartment in Somerset at weekends, and in both places she has deliberately taken the time to get to know her neighbours, so that she always has someone to have a conversation with: ‘In London I live in a gated community and in Somerset I live in a converted country house, so there is always someone around for a chat and a cup of tea,’ she explains. ‘Having that sense of community is so important to me and it means I never get lonely.’ Jacqueline also makes the most of her agent’s office. She says: ‘My agent has a recording studio at their office which is great because when I’m there I’ll often bump into other voiceover artists. Everybody is always friendly and it’s like one big family. Even if I am not recording at the agency, I will often pop in to say hi.’

Top Tip Follow the sun The single best thing about working for yourself is being able to suddenly drop everything for an hour or so when the sun comes out, to bask outside in the garden or park. That simple act of blissful freedom is usually not possible when you work for someone else on their time schedule, and will remind you why you made the move.

Make Friends Meetup - meetup.com - enables you to set up a local group for free where you can meet to work or socialise Jelly - uk-jelly.org.uk - an informal co-working event for people who work for themselves Hoxby – hoxby.com - a free global membership group for freelancers, also a great tool for networking, getting and sharing work opportunities, asking advice and local meetups.

‘Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.’ - Arthur Ashe

Silk dress, Asceno. Cardigan, Max Mara

Wildly elegant As Autumn sets in once more, take the time to s lo w d o w n , rel a x a n d e m b r a c e t h e ge n t le . Wr ap yourself in the softest of fabrics â&#x20AC;&#x201C; elegant silks, chunky knits and cosy cashmere â&#x20AC;&#x201C; and enjoy the most restorative season in style

Styling by Penelope Meredith Photography by Emma Croman

Cream sweater, Reiss. Wool coat, Another Tomorrow

Cashmere set, Allude

Top, Brunello Cucinelli. Side-stripe trousers, Reiss

Funnel cashmere sweater, Vince. Pink silk dress, Rhulen

Sweater and cardigan, Extreme cashmere. Wool wide-leg pants, Vince

Pyjamas, Jil Sander

One-shoulder ribbed dress, Reiss

Sateen pants, Bondi Born. Sweater, Loro Piana Model: Hayley Parr at MOT Hair and Make-up: Joe Pickering Sytlistâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Assistant: Carlotta Hall

Beauty Cabinet Find purity and put yourself on the path to wellbeing with these uplifting stress saviours. Heartening handwash, soothing sleep aids, boosting balm, there has never been a better time to upgrade your daily rituals

By Claire Brayford 53

THE HANDWASH Hand Wash £20, and Hand Lotion, £28 gloved by Tom Daxon British family-run perfumery Tom Daxon has turned its meticulous nose to a new handwash/lotion duo to make joyful work of all that endless lathering. Containing Virginian cedarwood for its anti-inflammatory and anti-microbial benefits, the wash hydrates as it cleans, while the moisturiser absorbs instantly – a rare treat. THE NATURAL BEAUTY Eye Pods Eyeshadows, £80, Westman Atelier Make-up artist to Hollywood’s most renowned faces, Gucci Westman’s natural beauty line is the name to know. Featuring complexion-compatible textures in oh-so wearable colours - the Baby Cheeks Blush Stick is already a staple. And the latest addition? The new luminous eye-shadow trio to create a smoky eye with colour that glides on like a second skin. The clever magnetic pods also snap together for easy portability. THE SLEEP AID Mulberry Silk Eye Mask, £49.50, Drowsy Sleep Co The pandemic has seriously affected restful slumber for many – meet the brand that aims to bring effective sleep aids without the side-effects. Alongside its awardwinning S.O.S Pillow Spray (it makes your bedroom smell heavenly) is the new cloud-like mulberry silk eye mask (its 22 momme silk is anti-ageing for eyes) and it is cushioned for maximum comfort. Wind down and switch off your mental load. THE CANDLE Les Albâtres Candle, £170, Cire Trudon Fill your home with the flicker of a warming flame. The oldest candle manufacturer in the world, Cire Trudon, is launching a new collection, Les Albâtres, this month including a delicious new scent. Each vessel is sculpted from a single block of alabaster stone and the hand-dripped candles are available in three scents, including the new Héméra, a balmy, rich woody fragrance. So why not envelope yourself in luxury as you are tucked away indoors? THE EAR SEEDS 24K Gold Ear Seeds, £29, Vie Healing How to create more balance in our lives? It seems our ears may have the answer. Ear acupressure, using tiny magnets coated in 24K gold inserted into the outer ear, is the latest trend. The magnetic ions stimulate pressure points in the ear, which send signals to the reflex centres of the brain, regulating the nervous system. We’re listening. THE BROW PENCIL Brow Sculpting Pencil and Styler. A £17, Fenty Beauty Above our masks, the brows (and eyes) have it right now and the latest perfector is Fenty Beauty’s new brow sculpting pencil. In an innovative clear wax, which works on universal skin tones, it has a sweat-resistant formula and is encased in an easy-grip pencil. Created by Rihanna, who continues to disrupt the beauty world with every launch. Check out her skincare line, which transforms the idea of the three-step routine. THE HAND SANITISER Hand Sanitiser Spray, £5.99, Purdy & Figg We’re using them several times a day for the foreseeable future so we may as well make this little act a pleasure, and the hottest name in hand sanitiser right now is Purdy & Figg. In three uplifting scents, Original Citrus, Wild Woody and Charlotte’s Floral, a quick spritz makes a big difference. The brand is also launching new refill aluminium cap glass bottles this month. THE CLEANSER Aquagel Oil To Foam Cleanser, £46, Syrene De-stressing complexions with marine-extracts and bringing serenity into our world with its sea-breeze scent, Syrene, a skincare line from New Zealand that has just hit UK shores, is just what we are looking for. Led by a team of women, it harnesses 95 per cent natural ingredients (including seaweed extract) known for their restorative properties. With eight products in the range, our favourite is the cleansing oil that transforms into a gentle foam with water to clear and hydrate. The brand is also partnered with Ocean Waste Plastic, which recycles plastic from beaches into new packaging.

‘Never limit yourself because of others’ limited imagination; never limit others because of your own limited imagination.’ - Mae Jemison

New possibilities

When the world went into lockdown, the planet had a chance to breathe. But can this be a turning point towards creating a better, more sustainable world? It can and it must, says Raechel Kelly, founder of environmental change agency The Liminality 57

he past few months have been a time of agony for some, boredom for others, and strangeness for pretty much all of humanity. The ‘great pause’ has revealed essential truths about our relationship with each other and the planet around us. While there were many stories of ‘nature healing’ or ‘returning’, this narrative reinforces the idea that we are somehow above or apart from nature. In fact, we are very much part of it. What happens in one part of the world – deforestation, or the capture of wild animals, for instance – can affect us all. Once we start to see ourselves as part of the delicate cycles and systems of nature, rather than as ‘rulers’ or ‘owners’, we start to make meaningful choices about what we prioritise. Many places have seen shifts towards slower living, increased walking and cycling, and lower air pollution. The hope is that these shifts become permanent, and humanity collectively decides to ‘build back better’. The next decade’s actions will decide to what extent we are able to prevent further climate breakdown. But these issues can seem overwhelming, leaving people feeling confused, scared, guilty or paralysed into inaction. What actions should we take? Saying no to a straw often seems like a drop in the ocean. Can individual actions on issues like climate change, plastic waste or air pollution achieve anything? Surely only systemic change can achieve better outcomes for people and the planet? The truth is that it isn’t a choice between the two. Both are needed and systems are made up of individuals. One fish can change the direction of a shoal;

one person’s actions can alter the course of history. So how can you turbocharge your everyday choices to have the greatest impact and catalyse lasting system change? Individual action isn’t about buying stuff, so this isn’t a shopping list. We can’t buy our way out of over-consumption. Our worth and power isn’t just as consumers, although it’s useful to think of every pound or dollar we spend as a vote for the world we want. The biggest potential for impact often lies within our families, schools, clubs and workplaces. Think about your power as a citizen, not a consumer. Take a moment to list the social spheres in which your individual actions could have the biggest impact. Think of each action as a seed that you sow in the world. Science tells us that it takes only around twenty per cent of any population changing their behaviour for this to become the new norm within the group. Every time you model a behaviour, or talk about a change you’ve made, the seeds that you plant take root with your colleagues, family or friends. There’s no one way of doing sustainability right. It looks different according to our needs as individuals. Social media may tell us that sustainability looks like labelled mason jars, evangelical veganism and expensive electric cars, but those with the smallest carbon footprints will reuse jars they already have, eat locally and ethically, and use bikes and public transport. Shifting towards slower and more intentional living involves questioning what is labelled as ‘perfect’ and realising that imperfection is beautiful and growth is not linear. ‘Perfect’ can often be the enemy of good.

TALK

SUPPORT RENEWABLE ENERGY

THINK ABOUT TRANSPORT

You don’t need to own solar panels or a wind turbine to support renewable energy. Switch to a provider like Bulb, Ecotricity or Good Energy to power your home with sunshine and wind rather than polluting fossil fuels. Support projects that seek to reduce our reliance on those fuels. Once the clean-up and health costs are included, they start to look incredibly uneconomical compared to free energy from renewable sources. In 1931, Thomas Edison said, ‘We are like tenant farmers chopping down the fence around our house for fuel when we should be using nature’s inexhaustible sources of energy: sun, wind and tide. ... I’d put my money on the sun and solar energy.’ Governments worldwide should be backing solar, wind and tidal energy.

Planes, trains and automobiles? How about buses, bikes and roller-skates? Consider replacing shorter car journeys with walking or cycling. If that feels impossible, question local representatives about why the healthiest options for transport aren’t the default safe options. Thinking about longer trips and holidays? Consider your options. If you’re lucky enough to have the privilege of time or money, investigate rail for longer trips, and limit unavoidable air travel to two flights per year.

Talk, talk, talk about the issues. Climate change. Waste. Inequality. Pollution. Every conversation opens the window a little further, and paves the way for the next conversation. This is especially crucial when it comes to children. Talk to them in an age-appropriate way about the natural world and our reliance on it. Kids often understand these things quicker than adults. Meet them at their level of understanding and focus on the hopefulness of action and human ingenuity, rather than the bleakness of some of the science. Eco-anxiety is real, so make sure kids know they can turn to you or other trusted adults to help. Most importantly, show them that you are working hard to fix things. In practical terms, it is inevitable that sustainability will form part of their job when they are older. Whether they are a lawyer, doctor, nurse or engineer, they will deal with the issues that a changing climate creates. But the burden of ‘changing the world’ shouldn’t be placed on our young people’s shoulders alone. School curriculums haven’t quite caught up in terms of giving kids the knowledge they will need. Support teenagers to do their own reading and research about sustainability and what it might mean to them. Have parents or neighbours who think there’s no problem? Find a hook. If they are gardeners, they will have noticed how the seasons and weather are getting mixed up. If they are nature-lovers, they may not be seeing the same wildlife they saw as children. Draw the line at arguing with those who outright deny or antagonise about environmental and social issues. Focus your efforts on the open-minded and remember that modelling behaviours is often more effective than lecturing people.

MAKE YOURSELF HEARD Voting and activism aren’t always thought of as individual actions, but your voice is your most powerful weapon. Ask your representatives what they are doing to address environmental and social issues. Politicians only take issues such as climate change seriously if they believe the electorate care about them. The most common question I’m asked is, ‘What can I do?’ My answer is always the same: ‘I don’t know – what can you do?’ Activism isn’t just shouting in the street: it can be writing, organising or even crafting. Everyone – mothers, artists, chefs, bankers, scientists – has strengths and skills that can be tapped and used as forces for change. In the words of Greta Thunberg – the Swedish teenager who began the school strike movement – ‘No one is too small to make a difference.’

DIVEST We don’t think of the power in our pensions and investments, but they may be the biggest tools we have in the fight against unsustainable business practices. Pensions are investments in our future, and they should be investments in the kind of future we want. You have the right to question how your workplace or private pension is invested, and request that it be screened for environmental and social risk. Likewise, if you have an investment portfolio, ask your financial advisor about sustainable and ethical options. You don’t need to compromise returns by investing according to your principles. The economy relies on a thriving planet, not the other way around.

REDUCE, RE-USE, RECYCLE There’s a reason those words are in that order. Recycling should be a last resort and the focus should very much be on reduction and re-use wherever possible. When we throw something away, there isn’t an ‘away’ for it to go to. Everything has to go somewhere on Earth! For clothes, buy once and buy well. Invest in quality and craftsmanship, and – if you can – borrow instead of buying. Some single-use plastics can be easy to avoid. For starters, choose reusable bottles and coffee cups. Other single-use plastics can be harder to ditch. This is where you can use your consumer voice to greatest effect. Text, tweet and email brands to ask what they’re doing to remove such items. If their answer is recycling rather than reduction, let them know you’ll be looking at alternative products.

RESOURCES •

WWF carbon calculator footprint.wwf.org.u This easy tool calculates your biggest personal impacts and suggests actions to reduce them.

•

UN Global Goals globalgoals.org A set of 17 goals that signatory countries have undertaken to reach by 2030. Not perfect by any means, but the best framework for tackling the issues we face collectively.

•

Why Women Will Save the Planet

zedbooks.net Short essays from women around the world working to tackle climate change fill this collaborative book from C40 cities and Friends of the Earth. •

Mothers of Invention

mothersofinvention.online Mary Robinson’s fantastic podcast discusses the intersections of feminism and climate action. •

The Liminality theliminality.co.uk Instagram @theliminality.co.uk • email info@theliminality.co.uk

FIVE OF THE EASIEST

WAYS TO BE MORE SUSTAINABLE (and save the planet in the process)

By Annabelle Spranklen

ur world is not the same as it was before the pandemic, so why go back to embracing damaging habits? We can all make a change, as author and green champion Jen Gale says in her book, The Sustainable(ish) Living Guide, ‘There are ways to fit ‘sustainable living’ into the life you lead. To change your impact without radically changing your life’ adding, ‘it’s about creating a new normal - one that’s better for us, better for our cluttered homes, our bank balances and the planet. And we can do it one simple step, one change at a time.’ To help get you started, here are some high-impact, low-effort changes to make your life more environmentally friendly…

Cycle instead of driving In our new post-pandemic world, we’re being urged to ditch gas-guzzling cars in favour of greener alternatives and number one on that list is the humble bicycle. ‘It’s a great workout, lots of fun and can make a significant difference to your carbon footprint. Plus, once you’ve bought the bike, it’s free’, says author Madeleine Olivia. During lockdown, levels of walking and cycling increased across the world prompting governments to promise more cycle-only lanes and wider pedestrian walkways which is a positive change for all.

Cold wash your clothes Madeleine Olivia suggests one easy hack for being greener is to switch to using cooler water (this doesn’t have to mean taking only cold showers and ice baths). She says, ’Lots of laundry detergents advise a colder wash for your clothes (it also protects your clothes better) and having a cold shower (or at least switching it to cold towards the end of your shower) can heavily save on bills and energy.’

Swap bottled water for reusable bottles ‘Getting your own reusable water bottle is one of the easiest ways to reduce your waste, while also saving money,’ says Madeleine Olivia, author of Minimal: How to Simplify your Life and Live Sustainably. ‘Marketing has led us to believe that bottled water is healthier, when the reality is that in the UK it’s no safer than tap water and 35 million plastic bottles are used every day – 23 million of these won’t get recycled, which means they’ll end up in landfill or in the environment.’ If you need further convincing, most plastic bottles do not biodegrade, but rather photodegrade, taking up to 1,000 years for one to decompose, leaking pollutants into our soil and water along the way. Opt for a stainless steel bottle that will keep hot drinks hot and cold drinks cold. Plus, they’re more durable than glass or plastic bottles so they’re less likely to break or wear down quickly.

Muse before you buy ‘When you see something you like or want, make a note of it, and then review that list in a week. Chances are you would have forgotten about it by the next day, If you still really like it or want it in a week, then you can think about buying it,’ advises Jen Gale. In 2016, EcoAge founder and sustainable fashion pioneer, Livia Firth challenged consumers to ask themselves one question before making a purchase: ‘Will I wear this at least 30 times?’ It was dubbed the #30wearsmovement, urging us to steer away from rash one-wear shopping, made easy with click and buy. In the last few years fashion rental services like By Rotation, My Wardrobe HQ and Hurr have exploded onto the scene giving us greater options of wearing pieces in a one-off kind of way that doesn’t damage the environment. Influencer Rosanna Falconer revealed, ‘I have been renting my wardrobe through Hurr for over a year and get such a thrill from seeing women – from Laura Whitmore to my Instagram followers – taking some of my treasures out for a twirl.’

‘Most plastic bottles do not

biodegrade, taking up to 1,000 years to decompose ath’

Switch up your beauty routine From excessive, non-recyclable packaging to its lack of transparency over ingredients and ethical practices, the beauty industry isn’t exactly known for being particularly eco-friendly but there are things you can do. According to Marcia Kilgore, founder of bath and body brand Soaper Duper, who have recycled more than 22 metric tonnes of plastic since their launch, ‘Look for packaging that limits the use of glosses and foils and opt for products that are packaged in more simple containers’ She also adds, ‘Make sure you put a recycling bin inside your bathroom, and ensure your cosmetic containers go into the correct bin.’ You could also pick products that sack off packaging altogether, brands such as Lush are pioneering the movement in the beauty sector with their Shampoo Bars. Also small adjustments like switching you regular plastic cotton buds for bamboo and soft cotton ones that can easily be thrown into the recycling or compost bin after use and using reusable face pads such as Face Halo will keep your bathroom waste low.

Travel more consciously Francisca Kellett, travel journalist and co-founder of Mundi & Co, a creative content agency for travel brands, says travelling more green-mindedly doesn’t need to be unrealistic. ‘The key thing to travelling sustainably is to be more conscious in your decision making. Take the train when you can instead of flying, and if you do fly, stay longer. Do your research and pick a hotel that has a proven track record of operating sustainably, supporting the local community and conserving the environment. Are they acting to eliminate plastic and conserve water? Do most of the staff come from the local community? Do they support local charities and causes? If the answer is yes, then you know your tourist dollars are going to the good guys.’

HAPPINESS FROM WITHIN Nutritional Therapist, author and consultant Eve Kalinik explains the powerful two-way relationship between the mind and the gut and helps us rediscover how food can really make you feel brighter, lighter and full of vitality

‘Perhaps this will set a new tone for how we take care of ourselves and how we connect with others, which starts with the food we eat.’

hange can be good but it can also feel very uncertain. Certainly, the past months have been demonstrative of that. This momentous and pivotal time has given us all time to reflect, reset and re-evaluate in many ways. Fundamentally this has included making changes and taking ownership of our health and wellbeing, both physically and mentally, as we simply don’t have the same resources available. Most of this has been home-focused including cooking and eating at home, joining together as families over mealtimes and having to slow down. Whether we wanted to or not food has played a significant and central role for us. And sure, giving some care and attention to what we are eating might not seem like such as revolutionary concept for everyone but it has been the very basics of cooking from scratch and sitting down to eat with families that have created much more profound positive benefits overall. These are also the ones that we had somehow lost along the way as a result of a fast paced and time poor society. However, it is these fundamental changes that will hopefully continue long after the pandemic passes. Perhaps this will also set a new tone for how we take care of ourselves physically and mentally and how we connect with others, which starts with the food we eat. Hippocrates, deemed the father of medicine, famously said “let food be thy medicine” and perhaps this has been more relevant in recent times. However, the concept of nourishing our body and our mind with wholesome food is not just about what we feed ourselves but on a much deeper level the trillions of microbes that live in our gut – collectively known as the gut microbiota that technically outnumber our own human cells! But, before we delve further into this fascinating microbial world that lives within us all, I’ll give you a little insight into how I found myself becoming a nutritional therapist and gut health specialist. And

similarly, my story is one where I had to change and take ownership to get my health back on track… Before my career in nutrition, my previous one in PR came with huge pressure, extensive travelling and long hours. After a decade of intense stress, I came to the point of physical and mental burn-out that had progressed over several years. It began with digestive symptoms that became cumulatively worse and widened into other debilitating issues such as recurrent infections, fatigue, insomnia and serious bouts of anxiety. Not wanting to accept ‘defeat’ I kept on with my relentless life trying various medications, supplements and other quick ‘fixes’ to manage the issues but at a very low point I had to acknowledge that my life was neither sustainable nor happy and I had to address the route underlying cause - my poor beleaguered gut. I started making small changes consistently with my diet and learning to put boundaries around my lifestyle that gradually put an end to the cycle of infections and antibiotics. I gained strength and also greater clarity to help put my gut and body back on track, and having a healthy gut supported this thoughtful process. It is this two-way relationship that is a strong, significant and powerful one. We all resonate with phrases that highlight this such as gut-wrenching, gut instinct or gut feeling and while we intuitively know there is a real physical connection the full complexity of this bond is becoming much more

evident. In fact, the gut-brain connection is much more of bi-directional relationship that joins the brain in our gut ‘the enteric nervous system’ with the one in our head including the central nervous system. And it is our gut microbiota that has a momentous and highly influential role in how our brain operates. This is because the microbes in our gut are an intrinsic part of the way in which our gut communicates to our brain and our gut microbiota use a similar ‘language’ as our brain in the form of neurotransmitters, think of these as chemical messengers. In fact, some of these you might be familiar with such as serotonin, dubbed the ‘happy’ neurotransmitter, which plays a major part in mood and cognition is in fact mostly made in our gut – around a whopping 90-95% as it transpires. Other neurotransmitters such as dopamine, GABA and the hormone melatonin which helps to govern the sleep-wake cycle are also made in both our brain and our gut which relies on the direct and indirect influence of our trillions of microbes. These are stats which you might find quite literally mind-blowing and a major reason why we need to make sure that we provide our gut microbes with the right types of food to support their hard-working endeavours to make us both physically and mentally stronger and healthier. After all, our trillions of microbes dine with us at each meal so we need to also consider their flavour preferences for a happy gut, and ultimately a happier mind.

H e re’s s o m e o f my t op 5 t i p s t o n o u r i s h a more positive gut-brain connection

Eat the rainbow – aim to have as many different colours in the diet as this helps to provide our gut microbiota with myriad sources of dietary fibre and special plant chemicals in the form of polyphenols. In real terms that could look like mixing up grains for your morning oats – try buckwheat, quinoa or spelt. Vary the fruit you might have with this – frozen berries are great to have to hand and give stewed apple a go – make up a big batch. Try to have at least 2-3 different vegetables at lunch and dinner rather than gravitating to the same ones all the time to give more of a spectrum of colour. And have different nuts & seeds in the cupboard that you can rotate around and add to meals or as a snack. Add in fermented foods – that can provide a direct source of beneficial bacteria which could be ‘live’ natural yogurt, traditional cheese, kefir (milk and water), sauerkraut and kimchi as a few examples.

Rest & digest – use meal times as pockets of recovery and take this opportunity to sit, chew and be present with your plate. Even the simple act of slowing down and properly chewing our food can alleviate digestive symptoms such as bloating, reflux and help us to better tune into hunger cues. With this resting in mind, give your gut a decent break between meals (around 4 hours) as we have different microbes that help us absorb our food and those that deal with the clean-up operation Practise some daily mindfulness – which could be meditation, breathing exercises, stretching and/or gentle yoga. In the same way that we exercise to get fitter we have to think of ‘working’ the mind in the same way. After all we cannot always change the stressors but we can find better ways of coping with them

Aim for consistency not perfection – as that creates more stress and anxiety which doesn’t bode well for our gut or our mind. Try to be inclusive in your approach and enjoy the foods and drinks that on the face of it may not seem ‘perfect’ as there is no such thing. And well, a glass of red wine does have some polyphenol benefits for your gut microbes! Finding joy in our food is a key part of health and happiness after all. Eve’s new book HAPPY GUT, HAPPY MIND is out now

Sesame and ginger chicken noodle soup Chicken soup is said to be good for the soul, so this recipe is designed to provide some heartfelt nourishment for your mind as well as your microbiome. Bone broth contains amino acids that support the barrier of the gut and may help to manage inflammation. Spicy ginger is a natural anti-inflammatory and the gentle heat of this soup really does warm the soul and the belly.

Serves 2 1 litre organic chicken bone broth 2-3cm piece of fresh ginger, peeled and finely sliced 1 garlic clove, crushed 2 organic free range chicken breasts 100g rice noodles 100g fresh shiitake mushrooms, sliced 120g pak choi, halved 2 teaspoons tamari 2 teaspoons mirin Sesame oil to drizzle 1 teaspoon black sesame seeds

Heat the broth in a saucepan, add the ginger and garlic and bring to the boil. Turn down the heat to a gentle simmer, add the chicken breasts and simmer for about 10 minutes until the chicken is cooked through. Remove the chicken from the pan and place on a chopping board. Add the noodles to the broth, turn up the heat and cook for 5 minutes. Add the mushrooms and pak choi, tamari and mirin and cook for a further 3-4 minutes. Meanwhile, shred the chicken. Put it back into the broth and heat through for a minute, stirring. Ladle into bowls, drizzle with a little sesame oil and sprinkle with the sesame seeds.

â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe.â&#x20AC;&#x2122; - Anatole France

STORY OF

WISDOM

THE WISE BIRD’S COUNSEL – The Masnavi, Rumi

ne day an overconfident man caught a bird in a trap. The bird says to the man: “Sir, you have eaten many cows and sheep in your life, and you’re still hungry. The little bit of meat on my bones won’t satisfy you either. If you let me go, I’ll give you three pieces of wisdom. One I’ll say standing on your hand. One on your roof. And one I’ll speak from the limb of that tree.” The man was interested. He freed the bird and let it stand on his hand.

“Number One: Do not believe an absurdity, no matter who says it.” The bird flew and lit on the man’s roof. “Number Two: Do not grieve over what is past. It’s over. Never regret what has happened.” “By the way,” the bird continued, “in my body there’s a huge pearl weighing as much as ten copper coins. It was meant to be the inheritance of you and your children, but now you’ve lost it. You could have owned the largest pearl in existence, but evidently it was not meant to be.” The man started wailing like a woman in childbirth.

“Didn’t I just say, ‘Don’t grieve for what’s in the past?’ And also: ‘Don’t believe an absurdity?’ My entire body doesn’t weigh as much as ten copper coins. How could I have a pearl that heavy inside me?” The man came to his senses. “All right. Tell me Number Three.” “Well you’ve made such good use of the first two! Don’t give advice to someone who’s groggy and falling asleep. Don’t throw seeds on the sand – some torn places cannot be patched.”

AS-SAMI (T he H earer of All, The E ver- L istening)

Th e O n e w h o se heari ng and attenti o n comprehends ever y thi ng. Th e O n e who pays attenti on t o ever y s uppl i cati o n and i nvocati on. Th e O n e w ho l i stens to ever y voi ce. Th e O n e w h o hears and accepts ever y word , tho ug ht and secret. Th e O n e w ho l i stens to ever y thi ng, per fect ly, et er nal l y, wi tho ut l i mi tati ons.

Unbroken

A light in the dark By Najla Al Tenaiji

‘Dreams have the power to turn a person

of disability into a person of determination.’

ello Again my fellow Kintsugi readers, how are you all doing? Though it was hard for a while there, by now it seems we all have learned the new norms of our post-pandemic society. We have learned to be resilient, patient, flexible and socially distant, temporarily replacing face-to-face friendships with virtual ones. And yet, we all are still the same old beings, people full of compassion and plans and dreams. Helen Keller, my true inspiration, once said that ‘the best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched – they must be felt with the heart.’ Dreams have the power to turn a person of disability into a person of determination. My dreams teach me to keep facing the sunshine – as dear Helen did – so we can’t see our shadow. Helen Keller is always my guiding star. A unique woman who, despite her multiple disabilities (Keller was mute, deaf and blind), rose above those who had the blessing of sight and speech. She was, without a doubt, an exceptional individual who helped others to help themselves. She was a blessing for people around her and lit a path for those at a disadvantage in life, giving them the vision to work towards prosperity and inner satisfaction. Thanks to a brilliant teacher, Anne Sullivan, Keller was able to

overcome the many obstacles in her, turning out to be a surprising champion of self-improvement. Life taught me the hard way that we need confidence and faith to dare to dream, so we shall always hold our heads high and look the world right in the eye. As the saying goes, if you are afraid of failure, you don’t deserve success. To become a true champion you must find a way to take your worst event and make it your best. Self-pity is our worst enemy, and if we yield to it, we can never do anything wise in the world. As Keller herself noted, ‘the most pathetic person in the world is someone who has sight but has no vision.’ To grow, we must dream because out of our vulnerabilities will come our strength. Here, I want to share a poem that my sister Al Reem sent me a long time ago during my blue days. “Dare to Dream Yes, if you can dare to dream Surely you can catch the sunlight’s beam While all else seems to fail Truth shall forever prevail.” - Madhavi Sood I hope it will help to dream when the days seem dark.

THE LIBRARY: A GATEWAY TO KNOWLEDGE Do we still need libraries in the digital age? Very much so says Dr. Asma Naheed

ibraries are passports to other worlds. Within them lies adventure, travel and mystery, words from all corners of the world and from centuries long long ago. When it comes to children, and their education, it is impossible to overstated the contribution that reading brings to their lives. As gateways to knowledge and culture, libraries play a fundamental role in society dating all the way back to Aristotle (as ancient geographer Strabo noted, ‘Aristotle was the first to have put together a collection of books and to have taught the kings in Egypt how to arrange a library’). The resources and services they offer create opportunities for learning, support literacy and education, and help shape the new ideas and perspectives that are central to a creative and innovative society. Libraries also help ensure an authentic record of knowledge created and accumulated by past generations. In a world without libraries, it would not be easy to advance research and human consciousness or preserve the world’s cumulative knowledge and heritage for future generations. The library and society are interlinked and inter-dependent with each other. Community without libraries has no significance, and libraries without community have no origin. To serve as a vehicle of social progress, the library plays a vital role. Today’s libraries also play a stunningly important

role in helping children to enjoy reading and harness this skill long into adulthood. No longer a mere provider of books; the best are an active force for social change, promoting reading groups, author events, rhyme times, and much more. Twenty-first-century academic libraries extend beyond the walls of their institutions to online open-access information spaces, dealing with intelligent Internet sharing tools and online social communication and networking technologies. Technology has even changed the way we use libraries. For instance, instead of searching the dusty shelves one by one, you can simply reserve the book you want online before picking it up in person. This, in turn, saves a lot of time. Some modern libraries even provide their members with opportunities to borrow e-books and gain online access to their database. With the rise of online versions of eBooks or even audiobooks, we face the question, do we still need libraries in this digital age? Surprisingly, the answer is yes. A considerable population does not have easy access to the internet, and many users are still unable to perform a simple inquiry on search engine platforms. A common behaviour for users is just to click on the top-most result or the first article that appears on a Google search. This behaviour can skew research. So, even though technology plays a significant role in our society, libraries are crucial

because of the authentic and wide ray information they can provide to the general public—even those who are not proficient in using technological tools. The United Nations 2030 Agenda for Sustainable Development is a framework of 17 Sustainable Development Goals with a total of 169 Targets spanning economic, environmental, and social development. They lay out a plan for all countries to engage actively in the making our world better for its people, with no-one left behind. Building modern libraries are a key instrument for achieving these goals. Much to their credit, the UAE government has taken many unique initiatives to promote reading culture. Sharjah was named World Book Capital for the year 2019 by the Director-General of UNESCO and the Sharjah International Book Fair (SIBF), encouraging reading among younger people, is one of the largest book fairs in the world. In addition to this is Knowledge without Borders, a Sharjah-based mobile library project, which so far visited 250 locations across the UAE, encouraging residents and children to read books. Meanwhile a library has been opened at Abu Dhabi International Airport as part of a nationwide project to create a culture of reading. Libraries store the energy that fuels the imagination. They open up windows to the world and inspire us to explore and achieve, and contribute to improving our quality of life. Libraries change lives for the better.

‘You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.’ - Martin Luther King, Jr