How to be kind .............................................Judith A. Rucki

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How to be kind

It’s something anybody can be

BY JUDITH A. RUCKI

Confronted with rude behavior in traffic, grocery stores, or with colleagues, it can be difficult to hold back a like response, let alone express kindness. Boorishness can be contagious, and our instinct is defensiveness. Perhaps pandemic stress and social isolation have reduced our patience for social interaction. Negative triggers like envy and stress can cause us to lash out.

As we near the holiday season, it’s time to work toward making caring and kindness a daily practice. That starts with being kinder to ourselves; if we don’t take care of ourselves, we can’t care for anyone else.

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Treating ourselves with kindness begins with forgiveness. We all make mistakes, so we shouldn’t berate ourselves for not meeting arbitrary standards of perfection. We can start by calming our mind, which includes cutting out negative self-chatter. It matters what we tell ourselves. It’s our choice if we are going to lift ourselves up or tear ourselves down. We need to learn to treat ourselves as compassionately as we would our friends.

Think of the kind people you know, and observe that they share similar qualities of politeness, consideration, generosity, affection, patience, and understanding. Chances are they also are loving and forgiving. If we model these qualities, we will not only help those around us feel happier about themselves, but we will also help ourselves feel that way.

We’ve all heard of the Golden Rule, which tells us to treat others as we would like to be treated. After all, treating others with respect is associated with high self-esteem. Win-win! A single act of kindness can make us feel happier and more confident. Additionally, the recipient of our kind act might pay it forward and contribute to a kinder community.

So how can we practice random acts of kindness?

• Show appreciation for the people in your life. Expressing appreciation can make someone’s day or even change their life. Put it into words!

• If we’ve had a dust-up with someone, an apology may be in order. It doesn’t always mean we’re wrong and they’re right, but if we value the relationship more than our ego, an “I’m sorry” could go a long way. • Reconnect with an old friend.

• Go an entire day without saying something negative about someone else.

• Choose words carefully. Use words to uplift, help, and heal. • Surprise a loved one with a phone call, a letter, or unexpected visit. • Listen actively when someone talks. Don’t be impatient, even if you’ve already heard their story. • Put down the phone when in someone else’s company. • Take a meal to a shut-in or offer to run an errand for a senior neighbor. • Ship a care package to someone who’s having a difficult time.

• Befriend the new person at work or exercise class.

• Cheer on a teammate.

Congratulate a co-worker. • Volunteer. Serve cheerfully. • Smile at strangers. Compliment their hair or shoes or dog. Hold the door. Say thank you when they’ve shown consideration.

Display good manners. • Compliment a parent on how well-behaved their child is.

• Pay for someone else’s coffee in the drive-through. • Allow someone to go ahead of you in line or in traffic. • Wipe down gym equipment and put weights back where they belong. • Leave some spare change on a vending machine or at the laundromat. Drop coins into a

parking meter that is ready to expire. • Support local businesses. Write a complimentary online review. • Use social media to spread goodwill. • Fundraise for a worthy organization. • Organize a cleanup party at a beach or park.

And perhaps the hardest of all, react with compassion when someone is rude or inconsiderate. We never know what burden that person is carrying. We might be a bright spot in an otherwise bleak day. FY

Judith A. Rucki is a public relations consultant and freelance writer.