KEEPING ROMANCE ALIVE

BY JUDITH A. RUCKI

Spring is almost here, and romance is in the air. Young, starry-eyed lovers seem to be everywhere. For them, maintaining the spark seems effortless, but how do we keep romance alive when we’ve been married or in a relationship for many years? Some may think a romantic cruise or expensive vacation will get the fire burning again, but several couples we surveyed said it’s the “little things” that make all the difference.

Here are some examples:

• One partner says expecting leftovers for dinner and discovering instead a nicely set table, dimmed lights, soft music, and a favorite meal waiting enhances the mood.

• One wife loves it that her husband stands up when she is leaving or returning to the table at a restaurant. Garnering similar appreciation are gestures like holding the car door or running to bring the car around when the weather is frightful.

• Husbands who travel regularly for business share they are thrilled to return home with nothing planned for them other than comfort food and a chance to unwind.

• One wife who had been working late several days in a row came home to find her husband had done laundry, right down to folding the towels. She says it meant more to her than receiving an expensive gift.

The theme? Showing your partner you care. If you’re not sure where to start, consider the following: Take over responsibilities that your partner dislikes. This cannot be overrated. He hates doing taxes, so she gets them done. She isn’t interested in cars, so he makes sure her tank is full and the inspection sticker is current. These are not complicated tasks, but a relief for whoever dislikes doing them.

Enjoy time spent together—and apart. Most couples have at least some common interests, but if he wants to spend hours watching the playoffs, she will be just as happy to round up a group of girlfriends and go see a foreign film replete with subtitles. Time spent together is great, but now and then time needs to be set aside for individual interests and hobbies. Give each other some space rather than being constantly joined at the hip; it’ll help you value your quality time even more.

Create sacred spaces. Speaking of space, creating places in the home where each partner can retreat, uninterrupted, can prove blissful. It could be anything from a “man cave” to a quiet place for her to read or do yoga.

Let go of pet peeves. Everyone has them, and partners always know which buttons to push. So what if he leaves the seat up? Put it down. She drops her briefcase by the door? Pick it up. Allow your partner some grace.

Sometimes learning the fine points of romance means looking no further than your own family. One of my uncles—a former boxer— was a big, formidable man. When I stopped by to visit one day, I saw him standing outside the door, puffing on his cigar, and waving around a handful of doilies. When I asked what he was doing, he said his wife worked just as hard as he did all week, and that he was happy to help with the cleaning.

I never heard my aunt complain that her fine linens smelled of cigar smoke, but she did smile a lot. FY

Judith