6 minute read
Shubunkin Steve
By Jackie Brewster
“I STARTED EMAILING this gentleman who advertised in the lonely hearts column of Tropical Fish Keeping Monthly.” Nicola loved to regale Pauline with tales of her love life during their weekly meetup.
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“I started emailing this gentleman who advertised in the lonely hearts column of Tropical Fish Keeping Monthly.” Nicola loved to regale Pauline with tales of her love life during their weekly meetup. “I’d been skimming through it in the dentist’s waiting room.” walking up my road talking really loudly on his mobile phone.” Nicola leaned forward. “The one who complained about my gnomes to the council.”
Pauline had heard it all before. Nicola was an incurable romantic who enjoyed the thrill of the chase.
“I’d been skimming through it in the dentist’s waiting room.”
Pauline had heard it all before. Nicola was an incurable romantic who enjoyed the thrill of the chase.
“He said he was a shy, private man and that previous lady friends had tried to coax him out of his shell too quickly.” She raised an eyebrow. “He said he was looking for a special someone he could share his love of aquariums with, and signed his emails ‘Shubunkin Steve’.”
“But you don’t know anything about tropical fish,” Pauline interrupted.
“He said he was a shy, private man and that previous lady friends had tried to coax him out of his shell too quickly.” She raised an eyebrow. “He said he was looking for a special someone he could share his love of aquariums with, and signed his emails ‘Shubunkin Steve’.” talking really loudly on his mobile phone.” Nicola leaned forward. “The one who complained about my gnomes to the council.”
“The cheek!” Pauline tutted.
“I know,” Nicola nodded. “I said what’s that under your arm then?”
“He’s a menace,” Pauline hissed, though privately agreeing that some of Nicola’s gnomes were a little risqué for a front garden. “Isn’t he married?”
“He’s a menace,” Pauline hissed, though privately agreeing that some of Nicola’s gnomes were a little risqué
“And?”
“Precisely,” Nicola nodded. “I stood up, in full view of everyone, pointed at him and said, ‘Does your wife know you’re here?’”
“Good for you.” Pauline was enjoying the story.
“I’ve got my water feature on the front lawn,” Nicola protested. “And I’ve read that magazine now, so I’m all clued up. Anyway, I arranged to meet him here, in this cafe, last Saturday afternoon.” for a front garden. “Isn’t he married?”
“Precisely,” Nicola nodded.
“He actually turned up?” said Pauline. “Got there early, had a glance around.” Nicola refused to be rushed. “There were half a dozen single blokes here that day, but none of them looked like they were waiting for someone, so I thought I’ll just wait and see who comes in.”
“But you don’t know anything about tropical fish,” Pauline interrupted.
“Did he tell you how you could spot him?”
Pauline asked.
“I’ve got my water feature on the front lawn,” Nicola protested. “And I’ve read that magazine now, so I’m all clued up. Anyway, I arranged to meet him here, in this cafe, last Saturday afternoon.”
“So what did he do?”
“He said it’s a bag for life.” Nicola rolled her eyes. “Then he said aren’t you that woman from our street who likes little semi-naked men arranged all round her pond?”
“No!”
“He just looked at me.” Nicola shrugged. “Said yes, I’ve come to fetch her a tuna panini.”
“The cheek!”
Pauline tutted.
“I said yes, what of it?” Nicola nodded triumphantly. “Going to go crying to the council again?”
“Did the real Shubunkin Steve ever turn up?” Pauline asked.
“I know,” Nicola nodded. “I said what’s that under your arm then?”
“And?”
“He said it’s a bag for life.” Nicola rolled her eyes. “Then he said aren’t you that woman from our street who likes little semi-naked men arranged all round her pond?”
“I couldn’t say for certain, but a little chap suddenly shot out the door with a magazine stuffed up his coat,” sighed Nicola.
“I stood up, in full view of everyone, pointed at him and said, ‘Does your wife know you’re here?’”
“No!”
“I said yes, what of it?” Nicola nodded triumphantly. “Going to go crying to the council again?”
“Must have scared him off. He did say he shy,” Pauline said. “So it was all a waste of your time.”
“Good for you.” Pauline was enjoying the story. “So what did he do?”
“He said he’d have a copy of ‘our’ magazine.”
Nicola shrugged coyly. “So here I was, sipping my mochaccino, and who should walk in with something folded under his arm?”
“Did the real Shubunkin Steve ever turn up?” Pauline asked.
“I couldn’t say for certain, but a little chap suddenly shot out the door with a magazine stuffed up his coat,” sighed Nicola.
“He just looked at me.” Nicola shrugged. “Said yes, I’ve come to fetch her a tuna panini.”
“Who?” Pauline asked impatiently.
“That chap who’s forever walking up my road
“He actually turned up?” said Pauline.
“Got there early, had a glance around.” Nicola refused to be rushed. “There were half a dozen single blokes here that day, but none of them looked like they were waiting for someone, so I thought I’ll just wait and see who comes in.”
“Did he tell you how you could spot him?” Pauline asked.
“He said he’d have a copy of ‘our’ magazine.” Nicola shrugged coyly. “So here I was, sipping my mochaccino, and who should walk in with something folded under his arm?”
“Who?” Pauline asked impatiently.
“That chap who’s forever
“Not in the slightest.” Nicola winked. “Suddenly all the other blokes in the cafe were desperate to buy me a coffee.”
“Must have scared him off. He did say he shy,” Pauline said. “So it was all a waste of your time.”
“Not in the slightest.” Nicola winked. “Suddenly all the other blokes in the cafe were desperate to buy me a coffee.”
By Jackie Brewster
From first loves to best friends and journeys of self-discovery, this month’s reads are about love in all its many, messy guises.
The Satsuma Complex – Bob Mortimer
30-year-old Gary lives a quiet, uneventful life. He heads out for a drink with his friend Brendan and meets a woman with whom he feels an instant connection. So when Brendan goes missing, Gary has more than one reason to find the mystery woman and get some answers.
A Scatter of Light – Malinda Lo
A coming-out and coming-of-age novel set in California, A Scatter of Light follows Aria as she falls in love for the first time. Aria is spending her last summer before university with her grandmother where she finds herself falling for her grandmother’s gardener, Steph. A slow-burning, bittersweet novel.
The Man I Never Met – Elle Cook
When Davey misdials and ends up calling Hannah, it sets off a string of texts that has them both hoping for something more, despite the fact that they live thousands of miles apart. But when they finally arrange to meet in person, Davey doesn’t show. His reason is one that seems certain to keep them apart, but neither is ready to give up on what might be.
The Switch – Beth O’Leary
Eileen and her granddaughter Leena decide to swap homes for two months. While Leena moves up to Yorkshire to de-stress and calm her thoughts, Eileen heads to London to rejoin the dating scene following her marriage breakup.
Glenfield Library Opening Hours
The Teddy Boy
~ A Poem by Paul Tuff ~
I wanted to be a Teddy Boy
When I was young and still growing up
I’d have loved a Teddy Boy outfit
Along with a Teddy haircut
I wanted lamb chop sideburns
Along with hair that was jet black
With a quiff pulled over my forehead
And a sweeping D.A. at the back
I wanted a green draped jacket With drainpipe trousers to match
A bootlace tie and thick crepe shoes
Then be the Ted girls wanted to catch
‘Reckless’ would be my nickname
I’d be the leader of the pack If anyone tried to date my girl
They’d end up flat on their back
Rock and roll would be the music
I’d play on the old juke box
As I posed down at the coffee bar
Complete with my lime green socks
Names In Book Titles
Each of the clues below is the title of a novel or short story, but where the name of a character (first name and surname) has been replaced by the name of the author.
Can you give the correct titles?
1. The Prime Of Miss Muriel Spark
2. One Day In The Life Of Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
3. Gail Honeyman Is Completely Fine
4. The Picture Of Oscar Wilde
5. The Mystery Of Charles Dickens
6. R. D. Blackmore: A Romance Of Exmoor
7. The Curious Case Of F. Scott Fitzgerald
8. The Story Of Jacqueline Wilson
9. Anne Brontë
10. The Secret Life Of James Thurber
Bill Haley would rock around the clock
Tommy Steel would be singing the blues
Johnny Kidd would be shaking all over
And Elvis would wear his blue suede shoes
I hope Teddy Boys are still around
So one day I can be one myself
But I’ve still got some growing to do
As I’ve only just turned twelve.
