FINDING YOURSELF

BY PATRICK ADAMS

A“MILESTONE BIRTHDAY” was coming up, so I was excited to plan something special for the most important person in my life. Since we met when she was 19, she has mentioned her “bucket list” included staying in “one of those island places where the bungalows were right over the ocean.” Since she doesn’t like surprises, I gave her some notice of my intentions and her “mother reaction” was not what I expected. Instead, she shared that she would prefer something a bit closer to home. To my surprise, she ended up picking a ranch in western Montana… in March.

Now, for me this is heaven! Not unlike my favored elk hunting locations, I knew the area—high mountain country—cold, pure, unspoiled and, in winter, not many people (i.e., tourists). I sat puzzled for many weeks at her selection wondering if I should attempt to save her from herself. Whether it was my trust in her, or my own selfishness, away we went to Montana for some time at a ranch without the kids in tow (a rare treat these days).

During the flights, my mind was racing back over all of the packing advice I gave her in hopes that I could make what she was about to land in at least bearable. Thermals, wool socks, good boots, head covering… the list went on, then back through again. As we flew east from Seattle, the scenery out of the plane started to reveal the landscape that I have found must have been my home in past lives. Have you ever been somewhere that almost instantly you feel yourself change inside? Your mind stops racing, your pulse rate drops and that huge smile that’s inside starts to creep to the outside. As we landed and made the drive to Phillipsburg, she marveled at the raw beauty of the landscape.

Together, we explored and did things that normally I wouldn’t have imagined her wanting to sign up for. We went fly fishing—in 28° weather and she caught a rainbow trout! We went horseback riding in untouched snow and she tried her hand with both clays and long rifle. Each night for dinner, we walked about a half-mile from our cabin to the lodge. Half the time it was snowing and every time it was cold. There was a small river directly behind our cabin that each early evening, wildlife would wander down to for their evening’s hydration and grazing.

The entire time we were on the move, mostly on foot and always in the cold. There were many times I considered how far away from her “bucket list” this trip was. But each time I looked over at her, she wasn’t shivering or grimacing about trudging through the muck. Her eyes were up and constantly scanning like a bright-eyed kid. When she hooked the trout in that river, she immediately looked over to me beaming with pride and a smile that took me back to when she was 19. When we rode horseback side by side, without another human in sight, it reminded me of those walks we used to take on the beach as kids because I didn’t really have the funds for much more on date nights back then.

Almost the minute we got home, we fell back into our routines and managing the chaos of our wonderful, blessed life—business, kids, dogs, laundry. Since we’ve been home, I’ve thought about that trip so many times I can’t begin to count. Yes, I’ve thought, “Why can’t every day be like that? Maybe we should just move somewhere like that.” But I know that’s not realistic on countless levels. I’ve thought of how I can be more of that person I was during our trip in Montana every day, regardless of where I am. But more than anything, I keep thinking about whether she chose that trip for her, or for me? Did she really give up the island bucket list trip because she was curious about Montana, because she didn’t want to be that far from the kids, or because what was on her bucket list was finding ways to find ourselves again? I’ll probably never know.

In this frantic life of goals that we pursue, it is easy to lose yourself. It’s easy to blame it on stress or other demands in life and after long enough, it’s easy to lose sight of the person you really are. It sometimes feels even more stressful planning a trip away from your responsibilities when what you should be doing is working. But, do it anyway! Find yourself… and then fight to hold on to that person regardless of where you are.

Thank you for the privilege of serving you and this great industry. Enjoy your spring and get out there!

PATRICK S. ADAMS, Publisher/President padams@526mediagroup.com