BULL Magazine 2012 Issue 1

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NEGOTIATIONS IN FOCUS GIMME SHELTER: STUDENT HOUSING GAMES OF GREED OLD IS YOUNG AGAIN

ISSUE 01, 2012

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MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME

YOUR GUIDE TO GETTING COMFY ON CAMPUS

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FREE STUDENT F BAN ANKING ISN’T T H RD TO FIND HA ND D IF YOU ARE A FULL TIME STUDENT, T, COMMONWEALTH HB BANK’S ANK’S STUDENT OPTIONS GIVES YOU ALL L OF O THESE HEAPS HEAP APS GOOD GOOD BENEFITS. ENEF TS.

Monthly account fee FREE Withdrawal fee FREEˆ

Everyday Account with Debit MasterCard ®

Annual fee FREE

Student Credit Card

Establishment fee FREE*

Personal Loans

Credit issue fee FREE

Travel Money Card

To find out more, visit isit commbank.com.au/heapsfree or drop into the e Sydney Sy University Branch, Level 3, Shop p 10-11, 1 Wentworth Building, The Univers ersity of Sydney NSW 2006.

STAY CONNE NECT TED commbank.com.au/connect

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IMPORTANT INFORMATION ˆFees may be charged by non-Commonwealth Bank owned ATMs and on any international withdrawals. *Applies to new loans only and other fees and charges, including a deferred establishment fee, may be payable. Student Options is available to full time tertiary students. Terms and conditions issued by Commonwealth Bank of Australia ABN 48 123 123 124 for Transaction, Savings and Investment Accounts and Travel Money Card are available on request and should be considered before making any decision about these products. If you have a complaint, the Bank’s dispute resolution process can be accessed on 13 2221. Applications for finance are subject to credit approval. Full Terms and Conditions provided in loan offer. Other Bank fees and charges may apply. MasterCard is the registered trademark of MasterCard International Incorporated. For full terms and conditions please go to www.commbank.com.au/ heapsfree. Australian Credit Licence Number 234945. PDF115 240212

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ISSUE 08 CONTENTS

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YES, IT’S A WELCOME-TO -CAMPUS GUIDE!

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EDITORS

Bronte Lambourne Lawrence Muskitta Misa Han Pierce Hartigan Xiaoran Shi usubullmag@gmail.com CONTRIBUTORS

Rachel Hyde, Carlie Ikonomou, Sarah Wolf, Neroli Austin, Adam Disney, Angus Reoch, Josh Wong, Miranda Smith, Jin Fu, Michael Richardson, Adam Chalmers, Harriet Campbell, Lauren Kane, Jess Collins, Angus Farrell DESIGN

Anjali Belani COVER PHOTO

Jeremy Yao PUBLICATIONS MANAGER

Chris Beaumont LIKE US WWW.USUONLINE.COM FACEBOOK.COM/USUBULLMAGAZINE

The views in this publication are not necessarily the views of USU. The information contained within this edition of BULL Magazine was correct at the time of printing.

This publication is brought to you by the University of Sydney Union and The University of Sydney.

ISSUE 01, 2012

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THE HOLME FRONT

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WANTED: ONE ROOM IN CAMPERDOWN

18

GAME CHANGE

21

CONFESSIONS OF A YOUNG FOGEY

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Shutter Up News Columns What’s On Interview Campus Chatter Student Lifestyle Food & Booze Travel Fashion Sport Science & Tech The Arts Reviews Club Hub Stop. Puzzletime The Bull Pen

04 05 06 08 17 24 31 32 33 35 36 37 38 40 40 43 45

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BULL USUONLINE.COM SHUTTER UP

IT HELP? “Just outside the graffiti over the break was this huge pile of old computer stuff. I guess someone finally snapped after one too many error messages.”

SHUTTER UP

PHOTOGRAPHER: CHRIS BENSON CANON EOS 600D. F11. 1/50.

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Send us your unique, arty or plain cool (as in, not another quad shot :S) campus snap to usubullmag@gmail.com.

We’ll publish our faves each edition in full page glory. High-res, 300dpi jpegs only – portrait-orientation.

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ISSUE 01 NEWS

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1 FUNCH: Just when you thought lunch couldn’t get any better – it just did..

1

2 Natural Instinct: Biomimicry – the concept of deriving inspiration from nature is the theme of the Verge Gallery’s upcoming show.

2

Meanwhile attention has turned towards the new Student Services and Amenities Fee – which you can read more about in Sibella’s column over the page, as well as the USU Board Blog.

ARTISTS GET IN TOUCH WITH NATURE AT VERGE GALLERY

NEWS USU DEBATERS REACH WORLDS FINAL

New Year’s for many is all about champagne and fireworks, but for the USU – it’s all about verbal banter and rigorous debate. And also champagne.

The annual World Universities Debating Championships was held in Manilla in the Phillipines between 27 December 2011and 5 January 2012, featuring around 1,400 participants from more than 70 nations.

The USU once again put up a fierce showing, performing strongly before being narrowly defeated in the Grand Final to traditional rival, Monash University.

Five teams were sent to the competition, USU B (Elle Jones and Daniel Swain) progressed to the Grand Final against Monash, Oxford and Stanford, while USU A (Paul Karp and Patrick Caldwell)

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made it into the quarter finals and USU C (Rebecca Barrett and Robert Chiarella) bowed out in the Octo-finals.

It was a typically strong effort from the Sydney contingent, which also included five adjudicators.

In the individual stakes– former Bull editor Paul Karp flew the USU banner, ranking fourth in the world, while his teammate Patrick Caldwell was ranked number seven.

Meanwhile, former debater Tim Mooney attended the competition as one of the Deputy Chief Adjudicators and Bronwyn Cowell was invited to be an independent adjudicator.

USU AND UNIVERSITY END COMMERCIAL NEGOTIATIONS The University of Sydney Union and the University have ceased negotiations over the control

of USU commercial outlets on campus after more than a year at the table.

Sibella Matthews, President of the USU, reported the cessation in a post on the USU Board Blog early in February.

According to Matthews, the USU Board received a letter from University Vice-Chancellor Dr Michael Spence, in which he stated: “I doubt that further negotiations could produce anything of merit or value”.

In the blog Matthews wrote: “By the 31 December 2011, the USU and University were unable to come to a conclusive agreement on the future management of the commercial operations. The USU therefore entered 2012 as a financially independent entity, as the funding provided by the University through the Service Level Agreement ended last year.

“It is unfortunate that the USU and University could not come to a mutually-acceptable outcome for the benefit of all members of the University community. However, the USU is entering 2012 with a business-as-usual approach, which means we will continue to focus our attention on providing the best the student experience in the country.”

The first show, set to run from 26 March to 6 April will be about biomimicry, something that sounds like a product of SkyNet, but in fact is the term used to describe taking inspiration for nature and natural elements to solve human problems. Think how the solar panel follows the example set by the leaf of a plant, or how radar and sonar technology wouldn’t exist if it weren’t for the humble bat.

The exhibition will put a creative twist on the concept and display a range of fascinating and highly unique pieces that draw their inspiration from the wonderful world of nature. It’s emphasis on biology will blend art and science – calling on input and submissions from science students themselves.

Anyone with an interest to be involved in the exhibition is urged to get in touch with the Verge Gallery as soon as possible. More information is available on the Gallery’s blog: verge-gallery.net.

The show will also feature a performance night on 21 March.

USU ROLLS WITH THE FUNCHES The USU’s Campus Culture Convenors plan this year to put some fun into lunch, literally – they’ve made up a word for it. The popular Funch event that first appeared in last year’s Verge Festival is set to return as a fortnightly occurrence in 2012.

Held between 12-2pm every couple of weeks, Funch will be full of interactive activities and games, food, drinks, live entertainment and music. Just when you thought lunch couldn’t get any better – it just did.

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BULL USUONLINE.COM COLUMNS

COLUMNS EDITOR’S NOTE BRONTE , LAWRENCE, MISA, PIERCE AND XIAORAN

H

PRESIDENT’S DESK

THE USU’S PRESIDENT GIVES YOU THE LOWDOWN ON WHAT’S BEEN HAPPENING IN THE BUSY USU OFFICES.

SIBELLA MATTHEWS Welcome back! Or, if this is your first year at the University of Sydney, welcome to the institution that will be your home for the next three, four, five or more years! The University of Sydney Union (USU) is the student-run organisation that will help make that time go quickly, and will ensure you come out the other end of it with great friends and wonderful memories. It’s also the organisation that is providing you with the very magazine you’re holding!

The USU will become a big part of your student experience. We fill the year with the big events such as O-Week, Beachball, and Verge Festival, as well as providing day-to-day uni life, from supplying those late night coffees while you’re cramming for your final exams, to facilitating new friendship networks through club and society events, to giving you a beanbag or couch to relax on between classes in one of our many student spaces. Becoming a USU member is essential for making the most of your experience, so don’t forget to purchase an Access card at the Access Desk on Level 1 of Manning or at the International Student Lounge in Wentworth.

This year has seen the introduction of the compulsory Student Services and Amenities Fee, which will be generating $10.5 million in funds for the University in 2012. There is much confusion as to exactly what this fee is, and how it affects the USU. It’s important to understand that the fees are not compulsory unionism, as the funds go directly to the University and not to student organisations such as the USU. As the USU is currently receiving no funding whatsoever from the University, we’ve submitted an application for a portion of the funds, and are waiting on the University’s Budget Allocation Committee to determine the outcome. Until then, 2012 means business as usual for the USU and carrying on as it has done for the last 138 years as your independent student union.

For more information and regular updates please go to www. yourunionboard.blogspot.com, and please don’t hesitate to write to me at president@usu.usyd.edu.au if you have any questions.

oly shit, it’s 2012. How did that happen? Where has my life gone… Hang on, it’s gone AWESOME, because it’s 2012 and every little thing is gonna be alright.

Apart from the fact that WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE, possibly. Either that or the Mayans got something wrong, and it’s not like it’d be the first time, right? Stupid Mayans. I mean, how’s that civilisation going for you? Didn’t think so…

There’s going to be an Olympics this year, which is cool. Kind of like the ones we had in 2000, but probably not as good.

Best games ever, baby! (I was only 11 but yes, I will claim it.)

It’s a leap year, which must be convenient for Olympic high jumpers. It STUDENT LEADER DIARY EACH MONTH, WE ASK SOME OF THE STUDENTS OUT IN THE also means women can propose to men, CAMPUS COMMUNITY ABOUT THEIR EXPERIENCE. LINDA PRZHEDETSKY AND JOSH PEARSE which seems a convenient moment to 2012 O-WEEK DIRECTORS let men propose to men and women to The summer of O-Week has been one of the most unpredictable women too. Here’s hoping. experiences of our lives – neither of us really anticipated we’d get the job, and it’s been throwing us curveballs ever since. The experience has Also you’re at uni and you’re going to been incredible, and while there aren’t many job opportunities where ‘communicating with carnies’ is an applicable skill, it’s pretty gratifying learn some stuff, do some essays, meet knowing that it’s something we could now list on our CVs. some people and have some fun. It’ll be You start O-Week with one thought: ‘I’m going to make it the best O-Week ever’.You choose a theme, send emails, make layouts, book artists, swell. We’ll help where we can. make posters and out of nowhere, Christmas shutdown hits and you go still riding that ‘best-ever’ pipedream. At time of writing, the festival is Ladies, gentlemen, boys, girls, and none out two weeks out and we’re just crossing our fingers that the summer of 2012 of the above, without much further ado, will not give us any more of this rain bullshit. we’ve done still feels a little surreal. It doesn’t feel like the may we present to you our bouncing baby: fact Everything we booked Tom Ballard or The Grates will sink in until we see them on stage. Right now they’re invoices in a folder. So is the 27m diameter circus BULL Magazine 2012. Hope you dig it. tent we’ve booked. It’ll be nice to see our dreams stop being numbers in BULL xx spreadsheets and feel successful and ridiculous looking at a big ol’ red and yellow circus tent sitting out the front of the quad.

So check out the Big Top, sign up to clubs, rock up to our night events - and if you happen to think it’s the best O-Week ever, just look for two extremely stressed individuals wearing O-Week shirts and let us know!

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HURRY, OFFER ENDS 11 MARCH

UNI GYM PASS PERFECT FOR STUDENTS The best value for money is the 9 month Uni Gym Pass – only pay for the time you’re at uni!

Sign up to either a gold, silver, bronze or blue Uni Gym Pass and experience access to:* p /VER GROUP ĂžTNESS CLASSES PER WEEK p -ODERN WEIGHTS AND CARDIO EQUIPMENT p )NDOOR M HEATED SWIMMING POOL p &REE TOWEL AND LOCKER HIRE p -UCH MUCH MORE Come into the Sports & Aquatic Centre or Arena Sports Centre ANDÂ&#x;WEÂ&#x;CANÂ&#x;ĂšNDÂ&#x;THEÂ&#x;RIGHTÂ&#x;PASSÂ&#x; for you. Ă˜CCESS DEPENDENT UPON PASS PURCHASED 0ROMOTIONAL PERIOD &EBRUARY q -ARCH

&OR MORE INFORMATION VISIT www.susf.com.au CALL Sports & Aquatic Centre: OR The Arena:

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BULL USUONLINE.COM WHAT’S ON

WHAT’S ON THE WHAT, WHERE AND WHEN ON CAMPUS! (DON’T ASK WHY, JUST BE THERE!) FOR THE FULL CALENDAR OF EVENTS – HEAD TO WWW.USUONLINE.COM AND CLICK THE CALENDAR. CLUBS AND SOCS – REMEMBER TO SUBMIT YOUR EVENTS ON THE WEBSITE!

EVERY WEEK HERMANN’S TRIVIA

MONDAYS FREE FILM SCREENING THERE WILL BE POPCORN! 6pm, International Student Lounge

POKER 6-8pm, Manning Bar

TUESDAYS TUESDAY TV 12-3pm, Manning Bar

MANNING TRIVIA

1-2pm, Hermann’s Bar

5-6pm, Manning Bar

WEDNESDAYS

FILM SOCIETY FREE FILM SCREENING

FORNIGHTLY MARKETS 11am – 3pm, Eastern Ave (7 March-16 May)

FORNIGHTLY FUNCH (FUN @ LUNCH) 1pm-2pm, Eastern Ave & various locations (14 March-6 June)

6pm, International Student Lounge

THURSDAYS

FRIDAYS

THEATRESPORTS®

$5 EVERYTHINGS

1-2pm, Manning Bar

1-4pm, Manning Bar

SEAGULL THURSDAYS $2 CHIPS

4-7pm, Manning Bar

WEEKEND WARM-UP DJS

3-5pm, Manning Bar

SUNSET JAZZ 6:30-9:30pm, Manning Bar

PROJECT 52 COMEDY

POOL COMPETITION

FRIDAY NIGHT LIVE 7-11pm, Hermann’s Bar

4-6pm, International Student Lounge

7.30-10.30pm, Hermann’s Bar

ROCK YA BALLS BINGO 5-6pm, Manning Bar

COMPETITION & APPLICATION DATES

BEACHBALL 2012 THE ASTON SHUFFLE + THE SWISS + RUFUS + LUKE MILLION Thursday 15 March 2012 7.30pm, Manning Bar (18+)

BAND COMP 2012 Photo by Jeremy Yao

Nothing says ‘welcome to uni’ than a massive, thumping party with some of the country’s best acts spreading the love to a packed house.

Take that, study sessions!

Before you hit the books – hit the dancefloor for the legendary start of year party that is Beachball.

Tickets sell out pretty fast, so avaoid disappointment and sorrow and bag your tickets NOW! They’re cheap as!

Tickets Available from the ACCESS Desk or online at www.manningbar.com $15+BF for USU Access members, General: $20+BF

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Sydney Uni’s got talent. We know that, you know that. Time for you to SHOW US! Sydney Uni Band Comp offers aspiring musicians the chance to strut their stuff and win a big cash prize – plus a very real opportunity to get noticed, and who knows... go places.

Cloud Control did it, The Jezabels did it, Josh Pyke did it... so why can’t you?!

Enter now - there are limited places, so don’t delay!

Entries close 5 April, for full details and to apply, visit usuonline.com.

KICK START GRANT APPLICATIONS Close: 2 March / 5 April 4 May / 1 June / 6 July

BOARD ELECTION NOMINATIONS Open: Wed March 21 Close: Wed April 18

DJ COMPETITION APPLICATIONS Close: Fri 23 March Heats start from Week 4

Details correct at time of printing but may be subject to change.

Please check www.usuonline.com for current details.

THE VERGE AWARDS Open: 28 May Close: 7 September

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ISSUE 01 WHAT’S ON

MARK YOUR CALENDARS

WEDNESDAY 29 FEBRUARY

MARCH

APRIL

7pm Manning bar (18+)

7–10 MARCH

16 APRIL – 20 APRIL

SUDS Presents: The Importance of Being Earnest

INDIGENOUS WEEK, around campus

Free face painting and epic DJs will bring Manning to life on the opening night of O-Week! From rabbit ears to lion onesies, don your best animal themed gear and get ready to unleash your inner party animal!

Session Times 7pm each night (2pm matinee, Sat 10th) Cellar Theatre, Holme Building The double-lives of Algernon Moncrieff and his friend Jack Worthing collide in Oscar Wilde’s hilarious and ruthless satire of Victorian fakery.

Tickets: $2 SUDS/$3 Access/$4 non-Access students/$5 general.

8 MARCH International Women’s Day

MAY 7 MAY – 11 MAY HUMANITARIAN WEEK, around campus

10 MAY & 12 MAY 7pm - Jewish Revue, Seymour Centre, Reginald Theatre

17 MAY – 18 MAY 7pm - Women’s Revue, Manning Bar

27 MAY 6pm - EUROVISION party, Hermann’s Bar

30 MAY

10 MARCH

Vote in the USU Board Elections, around campus

8pm – Mickey Avalon, Manning Bar

JULY

13 MARCH

9 JULY – 13 JULY

8pm – Wild Flag, Manning Bar

INTERNATIONAL O-WEEK

14 MARCH

23 JULY

12pm – Celebrate St. Patrick’s Day! Manning Bar

12pm – Clubs & Societies Conference, Manning Bar

14-17 MARCH

10am – Clubs & Societies Conference, Manning Bar

SUDS Presents: Twelfth Night 6pm each night Cellar Theatre, Holme Building

27 JULY

VERGE GALLERY EXHIBITION OPENINGS:

7pm – Beachball, Manning House

1 March, 6pm 29 March, 6pm 19 April, 6pm 10 May, 6pm

22 MARCH

ARTIST TALKS:

15 MARCH

4pm – Sexual Harassment 8 March, 1pm 5 April, 1pm in the Workplace talk , 26 April, 1pm Verge Gallery 17 May, 1pm 8pm – Electrelane, Manning Bar PERFORMANCE NIGHTS: 21 March, 7pm 26 MARCH 2 May, 7pm Band Comp Heats, 23 May, 7pm Manning Bar Keep up to date with our 26 MARCH – 30 MARCH blog: http://vergegallery.

INTERNATIONAL wordpress.com WEEK, around campus

30 MARCH 8pm – The Herd, Manning Bar

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UNCAGED: COSTUME PARTY

Featuring DJ Tom Loud & Beat The System DJs Access FREE Everyone Else $5+BF

THURSDAY 1 MARCH

SEND IN THE CLOWNS: CAMPUS COMEDY MEDY 7pm The Quad, MacLaurin Hall (All Ages) AXIS OF AWESOME ME Tom Ballard Michael Hing / Project ect 52 Hosted by The Chaser’s Craig Reucassel O-Week 2012 is sending in the clowns for the best comedy night you’ll see all year!

BEACHBALL 2011

Access $15+BF MUSCLES / THE ASTON SHUFFLE / WORLD’S END Everyone Else $20+BF

PRESS / SOFTWAR + MANY MORE! Thursday 3 March 2011 8pm, Manning Bar WEDNESDAY 2 MARCH H

Sydney Uni’s legendary start of year party is back with its THE BAND FINALE mostALE amazing line-up yet! Back on the Thursday of Week 1 there is no excuse to stop partying just ‘cos O-Week 7pm Manning bar (18+) 18+) finished!

THE GRATES Beachball 2011 is guaranteed to sell out so get your tickets new navy / cameras early to avoid being disappointed. Whoever you are, 1st year or post grad, this event is gonna blow your minds!

See The Grates perform alongside some of Australia’s hottestt bands.

Your Friday night is sure to go off with a bang!

Tickets Available from the ACCESS Desk or online at Access $20+BF www.manningbar.com Everyone Else $25+BF $10+BF for USU Access members, $20+BF general admission.

www.oweek.com.au

www.facebook.com/oweek

ACCESS Desk: 9563 6000

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BULL USUONLINE.COM FEATURE

YES, IT’S A WELCOME-TOCAMPUS GUIDE! BRONTE LAMBOURNE GUIDES YOU AROUND OUR NOT-SO-LONELY PLANET.

Photo by Kimberly Low

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ISSUE 01 FEATURE

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W

elcome back to the throes of intellectual rigour. Eyes are straining, brain’s throbbing, after your European gap year or three-month jaunt in South East Asia, the only text you’ve read in the past few months is a travel guide. Lonely Planet this ain’t but, this article provides the insider information, first-hand tips and unduly authoritative advice you need on the Sydney University experience. Whether you’re returning as a well-worn traveller or just arriving for the first time, here’s university in a format you’ll understand.

FIRST STOP

POLITICS

Go buy an Access Card. For those thrifty travellers who seek to skimp on extra costs, this is not one of them.You’ll more than earn your money back on food savings alone, not to mention the free daily newspaper.

Don’t be misled; student politics at university is just as serious, conniving and ambitious as any full-blown state. In a similar tradition, student politicians are widely disliked and distrusted.

Disliked, because they regularly pester students with brightly coloured t-shirts, hackneyed slogans and incessant Facebook page requests.

Distrusted, because the regular student cannot fathom why any peer would want to dedicate themselves so passionately to student politics without a CV-stacking motive. If you appreciate puns, though , you’ll love it.

WHEN TO GO Unfortunately travel dates are mandated. On the other hand, timetables are reasonably flexible.

After decades of owning the requisite technology, Sydney University has finally introduced a user-friendly timetabling software that allows you to view your current rrent timetable without destroying roying it, t, so jump online and customise away!. stomise aw way a !.

“Spirit lives on in the people of Sydney University with a culture of proud academic elitism, rendering bordering institution UTS the subject of much mockery.”

Student Stu tu udent politics – flyers, puns and primary ry colou col lou our u s galore! e!! and colours

HISTORY Established in 1850,, Syd Sydney yd dne n y University is not only oldest ly the o ldes ld estt es university in Australia lia but also the first institution to admit students on the basis of academic rather than religious or social credentials.

This spirit lives on in the people of Sydney University with a culture of proud academic elitism, rendering bordering institution UTS the subject of much mockery.

The growth of student representation on campus was witnessed in the creation of what is now the University of Sydney Union (USU) in 1874, establishment of the Student Representatives Council (SRC) in 1929 and acceptance of the first undergraduate fellows of Senate in 1936. Since 2008, however, the University has existed under the reign of ViceChancellor Dr Michael Spence. Think Principal Skinner, but less cool.

10 students running to be editors of Honi Soit, the SRC’s student paper. Time: Semester two; Office: one year.

In all seriousness, if you are politicallymotivated, there are many rewarding ways to become involved. Political bodies exist in the USU, SRC and the Senate, and positions in each of these bodies require a student election.

Since election cycles are widely conflated and misunderstood, we’ll step you through them.

ELECTION ONE: Individual candidates put themselves forward for Union Board with a variety of promises that may never materialise.

Each year alternates between five and six candidates that are elected. Time: Semester one; Office: two years.

ELECTION TWO: This is unnecessarily complicated by involving four separate votes: a) an individual for president of the SRC; b) individuals who run on tickets to become members of the SRC; c) individuals to represent USyd in the National Union of Students (NUS) and; d) a group of

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ELECTION THREE: Far less ubiquitous than the others, the Senate election occurs online, though you’ll often find candidates standing around with laptops or iPads to catch you for your vote. One undergraduate and one postgraduate fellow of senate are elected by their respective cohorts.

After recent controversy, free BBQs, lollipops and non-autonomous votes, regulations are likely to clamp down, removing much of the fun.

Time: Semester two; Office: one year.

DANGERS & ANNOYANCES HACKS: A word used mostly by hacks themselves to denote those who are obsessively involved in student politics. The best way to avoid harassment is to in fact wear a political t-shirt; it’s a guaranteed invisibility cloak.

COMPULSORY CLASS ATTENDANCE: While university is far more flexible than school, don’t get carried away; if you miss more than 50 per cent of class you will absent fail.

LIBRARIES AROUND EXAM TIME: Like the watering hole when the animals are in heat.You will not get a seat unless you’re queuing before 8.00am.

PARKING: Don’t drive to uni unless you would like to fund the state government.

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BULL USUONLINE.COM FEATURE

“The famous jacaranda tree is cloaked in generations of folklore; a student who hasn’t begun earnest study by the time the tree flowers is in trouble.”

“The Front Lawns have grass just made for basking”

Manning Bar, spiritual home of awesome.

Photo by Jeremy Yao

MAIN SIGHTS THE QUADRANGLE: While the quad is generally less populated than advertising would suggest, if you’re lucky enough to have a class there it’s magical. The famous jacaranda tree is cloaked in generations of folklore; a student who hasn’t begun earnest study by the time the tree flowers is in trouble.

EASTERN AVENUE: The main thoroughfare of the university.

Watch out for PDAs on the lawns and over-zealous social groups.

5 FACEBOOK PAGES TO LIKE BULL Magazine (of course) University of Sydney Union (USU) USU O-Week / Verge Festival Manning Bar Are You With Us?

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CADIGAL GREEN: If you ever find yourself alone, the curvy chairs by the Redfern run are a pleasant place to relax, with some designed specifically for solo visitors.

SUNKEN LAWNS: Just outside Manning, a small grassy spot where you’ll often find Clubs and Societies giving out free food.

INTERNATIONAL STUDENTS LOUNGE: Relatively hidden in the upper levels of Wentworth, the

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ISSUE 01 FEATURE

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DRINKING MANNING BAR: The home of regular free gigs, trivia, Theatresports and Jazzsoc - grab a beer, forget class and fuel your alcoholism.

HERMANN’S BAR: Whether you’re a poetry buff, comedy fan or reggae enthusiast, Hermann’s offer all kinds of entertainment to accompany your libations.

EATING MANNING: Littered with food stores across all three levels, from suspicious Chinese and Mexican eateries to staple cafes, your first stop should be the top level for the famous Manning Grill.

TASTE: Beware long queues in the busy lunch hours, the coffees are often cold but the baguettes are wildly popular. For an unhealthy treat try any one of their mouthwatering pastries.

AZZURIS: Don’t get confused, there are two. Tucked away on the bottom floor of Wentworth, Azzuris would be a high contender for the best coffees on campus, and the best-looking baristas.

USU COFFEE CARTS: Cheap and convenient for snacks and sandwiches, the USU carts have a cool system that automatically gives you your seventh coffee for free!

PARMA: With a broad range, this café will satisfy all your pasta, pizza and panini needs. Large pizzas are cheap to share with friends and will fill your appetite for days.

International Students Lounge offers giant beanbags! Exactly what you need after a hard day of pretending to study.

THE COURTYARD OF SERENITY: The University’s best-kept secret. We’ll let you find it for yourself, but don’t go blabbing when you do.

SLEEPING BUDGET: Head to the Salisbury on a Wednesday night and if you’re lucky you can find yourself in a college room for free.You may not lose any money but you might lose something else.

MIDRANGE: For student housing and accommodation around campus see pg. 18-19.

TOP END: Stay in the salubrious surroundings of your family home; you won’t get as good service anywhere else, though it may come at a high price.

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WENTWORTH FOOD COURT: Home to a new Indian diner, you can’t pass the kebabs but give the dodgy microwaves a miss.

Dining on a budget at $6 Thai on King St. Adjusting your route inconveniently to walk through the Quad.

Getting lost in the ancient stacks and crusty-paged aroma of Fisher Library.

ENTERTAINMENT

Concocting creative ways to evade campaigners.

THEATRESPORTS®: Every Thursday join in as teams perform hilarious impromptu comedy skits before audiences in Manning. Semester one enjoys casual, weekly competition while Semester two heats up as fixed teams accumulate points in order to reach the much acclaimed Theatresports Grand Final during the Verge Festival.

FREE FILMS: Every Monday and Thursday at 6pm, the Film Society host a film screening at the International Student Lounge in the Wentworth Building – for your viewing pleasure. It’s free, did we mention that? Praise be to the benelovent film buffs!

FIRST YEAR CAMP: No, they’re not study camps. Most large faculties now run camps in the beginning of the year filled with organised fun and truckloads of free booze. Do not miss it. Buy tickets now.

RALPH’S: Offering friendly service and basic foods, Ralph’s is the stomping ground of the colleges.

Sharing a beer in the sun on Manning balcony.

TASTE: Laze around on the law lawns with a jug of beer or cider to reward your study.

SUDS (DRAMATIC SOCIETY) PLAYS: Keep an eye out for the extraordinary talent of our budding thespians.

A great variety of plays are held all throughout the year in the cosy Holme Cellar Theatre and it’s only $2 for entry.

HOLME COURTYARD: Less frequented than most, the Holme courtyard serves a variety of sandwiches and rolls that you can build yourself.

HIGHLIGHTS

ORIENTATION

TRANSPORT Buses to the University arrive and depart from near the main gates on City Rd, or near the footbridge on Parramatta Rd. (Note: ‘the footbridge’ always refers to the crossing over Parramatta Rd and never the one between Carslaw and JFR – that’s the ‘green monstrosity’.)

For trains, Redfern station is 10-15 minute walk through the Darlington campus while Central station can be reached with a longer walk or five-minute bus ride.

A courtesy bus also runs between Fisher Library and Redfern station starting from 4.30pm. The last bus leaves when Fisher closes for those late study nights.

If you live close-by, bikes are a popular mode of transport.

Download a map from the university website for convenient bike racks around campus – there are more appearing every day.

GETTING AROUND

Population 49, 020

Climate Varied, with high winds on Eastern Ave

Location 33°53 16 S / 151°11 14 E

After the failure of previous proposals for rickshaws and rental bikes, intra-campus transport remains mostly pedestrian. Some whiz about on a scooter, but most choose to hoof it. If you find you’ve been assigned lectures in Bosch, you better hope they’re recorded.

So that’s enough to keep you going in the early days of Sydney University life. There is much, much more to see and do, so make the most of it. This is one journey worth the taking, Happy travelling!

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HOLME

FRONT

THE

USU MEMBER ADAM CHALMERS EXPLORES THE THREAT FACING THE EMBATTLED STUDENT UNION.

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T

he University of Sydney Union – the largest and oldest student union in the country– is locked in a struggle for survival with its own university. It provides a world-class student experience to its 13,000 members, including subsidised food and drink at the various campus cafés and bars it owns.

From 2009 until early 2012, the USU was in negotiations with university administrators over these cafés and bars.

The University wanted to take over the Union’s food and drink business, which would have eliminated the Union’s crucial stream of selfsupporting income and compromised their financial independence. Even now that negotiations have stopped, the University Senate, led by ViceChancellor Michael Spence, still have their eye on the Union’s retail operations. Whether you’re starting your first-year or have been here longer than the Great Hall, it’s worth taking time to understand the last few years of ugly politicking that led us to where we are today. It might even lead us somewhere in the future.

BACKGROUND The USU is the only remaining independent student union in Australia. When the Howard Government introduced Voluntary Student Unionism (VSU) in 2005, the USU, like other student Australian student unions, lost millions of dollars in membership fees. Most couldn’t recover from the crippling financial stress, and one by one they folded or were absorbed into their universities. Except the USU. Thanks to a combination of generous funding from the University and careful management by its students and staff, the USU survived.

Although VSU made life hard for the Union, after a few years the USU’s finances started improving.

The Union’s future looked bright. It had a strong on-campus business, it was providing an excellent student experience, and it had the full support of the University behind it. But things started to change in 2008, when a new Vice Chancellor was ushered in, and

the University incurred a $100m loss in the Global Financial Crisis.

At the University of Sydney, the Chancellor is like the Queen of England – a symbolic leader rarely involved in running day-to-day affairs.

Our Vice-Chancellor is like England’s Prime Minister – the real boss who oversees business on campus.

In 2008, Dr Michael J Spence became Vice-Chancellor. As he told the Sydney Morning Herald, he came with an agenda – to turn the University into a “world-class research centre”.

To do this, expenses would have to be cut across all levels of the university – including funding to the student union.

This was surprising considering how important the student experience is to the University’s reputation. In a survey run by the University, threequarters of the students surveyed said ‘quality of campus life’ was a reason they chose to study at Sydney.

Meanwhile, the National Union of Students ranked Sydney’s nonacademic student experience as the best of all Australian universities three years in a row - from 2007 to 2009.

But despite its record of excellence, the Union was still a target on the list of reforms.

THE UNIVERSITY’S PROPOSAL In March 2010, the University released its Green Paper – a 100-page document detailing its plans for the future. Towards the end of this report lay a nasty surprise for the Union. As the University saw it, the USU was split into two main parts. One part was its student programs (such as Clubs and Societies, entertainment, and student leadership), which improved

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ISSUE 01 FEATURE

The USU’s Board offices sit within the historic Holme Building.

student life outside of classes. The other was its retail operations, which provided food and drink for the campus. In the University’s opinion, the only reason the Union had retail operations at all was to finance its student programs.

They thought food and drink management fell outside the USU’s mission to enrich student life.

The Green Paper claimed the USU’s retail operations weren’t making enough money to finance its student programs. So it proposed that ‘responsibility for food and beverage and retail outlets should be shifted to the University’.

Simply put, the University believed the USU’s commercial outlets were mismanaged and the Union lacked the expertise or resources needed to revamp them adequately.

THE UNION’S RESPONSE The USU disputed this. In their official response to the Green Paper, the USU Board argued that ‘The wholesale reorganisation of the USU is unwise and simply unnecessary.’ They said, contrary to the University’s claims, the USU did in fact possess the means

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- and had the plans already in place - to improve the retail outlets without university intervention.

In an overhaul of food outlets, the USU brought in several new tenants including Parma, Azzuri’s and Subway; and updated its own outlets, like the Holme courtyard cafe and the Wentworth food court.

On December 2, 2010, the Union received a letter from Deputy Vice-Chancellor Derrick Armstrong, with a proposal virtually unchanged from the Green Paper. Again, the University argued student management of the campus outlets led to poor quality, poor value for money and compromised the University’s future plans for the campus. Armstrong’s letter proposed the University take over the Union’s retail operations in exchange for $1.65 million in annual funding to student programs, which he considered the core of the USU’s activities. But the USU student Board had two problems with this proposal.

First, University money comes with a loss of independence. If the University funded the student

programs, they’d be able to dictate how that money was spent. The Union would have to meet the “measurable key performance indicators” set by the University to justify its funding. If the University provided the Union’s money, they could influence how it was spent. Former Vice-President of the USU, Courtney Tight, said the offer would have left the Union “toothless when it comes to dealing with the University”.

Secondly, it’s difficult to imagine that University bureaucrats or independent outsourcers caring about students the same way a student union does. As a studentrun union, management of the bars, cafes and shops was always in the interest of students first and foremost. Some business choices – like keeping the Fisher Coffee Cart trading until late - are not done to chase profit but to provide service when no-one else would. This isn’t something a ‘normal’ business would do, but as a non-profit student union, the USU is dutybound to put student experience before dollars.

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When other student unions were faced with buyouts like this, they quietly agreed and faded into the shadows. But the USU was in a better position. The Occupation License, which grants the USU the right to occupy and do business in its buildings (Manning, Wentworth and Holme, which were built on University land with Union funds) doesn’t expire until 2017, with an option to renew for 10 years. In addition, under their constitution, the Union is obliged to “provide subsidised dining and refreshment services”. If the USU wished to change this, and stop running their cafes and bars, they’d require a constitutional amendment with the approval of two-thirds of Union members. So, legally-speaking, if the University wants to take over campus retail before 2027, they’ll need the approval of the Union’s members first.

So, the Union rejected Professor Armstrong’s proposal and the University and Union went into negotiations. But before they did, the University sent a final letter to the Union. It stated the University would allow the other agreements in place (the $3.6 million Service Level Agreement and the University of Sydney Venue Collection Joint-Venture), to both expire in December, 2011 without renewal. This would effectively eliminate all University funding to the USU. The Union’s finances would become almost solely dependent on their buildings and the food and drink business they operated within them.

NEGOTIATIONS Throughout 2011, the University and the USU continued their secret negotiations. At the start of 2011, the Union announced its first operating profit since VSU, showing the Union could successfully run its food and drink services. They reformed the USU retail management, drafted new business plans and started an internal sustainability program to tighten up finances. The Union hoped to show the Vice-Chancellor they were capable of managing high-quality and profitable retail and catering on campus.

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In August, the USU Board was hit hard by scandal when the Vice-Chancellor stepped in to dismiss the USU’s Vice-President and Treasurer for what the Sydney Morning Herald reported as ‘alleged irregularities with receipts and breached spending caps in last year’s election campaign.’

The University Senate ran an investigation and the dismissal came more than a year after the two directors had owned up to the incident. Later, Dr Spence claimed he in fact fired them for ‘actions subsequent to the elections,’ without specifying what those actions were. The SRC newspaper Honi Soit speculated that ‘their removal was a strategic move by Dr Spence in light of the Uni-USU negotiations.’ The Vice-Chancellor strongly denied this was the case.

Regardless, the entire ‘spending cap’ saga damaged the Union and strained relations with the University.

“IT’S DIFFICULT TO IMAGINE THAT UNIVERSITY BUREAUCRATS OR INDEPENDENT OUTSOURCERS CARING ABOUT STUDENTS THE SAME WAY A STUDENT UNION DOES.” In September, the government introduced the Student Services and Amenities Fee (SSAF), which allowed universities to charge students an extra $263 a year.

This money is for funding student life – things like student healthcare, housing, sport and clubs. Because the USU’s purpose is to enrich student life, it made sense for the University to pass part of this money on to the USU. But the University kept quiet on their plans for SSAF. This became another point of contention between the Uni and Union.

On November 4, Dr Armstrong emailed every student at Sydney University, with an update on the negotiations. In it, he took aim at the USU, saying: “the Union’s commercial activities have not nearly delivered enough money to fully fund student activities...

Realistically, they are only kept

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blog saying the email was underhanded, provocative and intentionally meant to mislead students about the situation. “ At no point in the negotiations was it indicated that the University would be so audacious as to inform the student populace of a proposal not agreed upon by the USU, without even consulting or warning the USU. The move has left the USU’s Student Board feeling somewhat betrayed that this trust in good faith was compromised,” said the Board in response.

Two weeks later, Professor Armstrong attended the USU’s monthly board meeting, where he made a modified proposal public. The new proposal stipulated that the previous agreements (including the Occupation License and SLA) would be replaced with a new, singular contract. Under this, the Union would receive$3 million in funding for student programs, and a USU commercial operations would be transferred to an independent third-party outsourcer. The Union would also have a minority representation on a retail management committee.

At one point, a 60-40 UniversityUnion split was offered, but the University refused to consider a 50-50 split.

Once again the Board saw this as a bad option for the Union.

They’d be trading their financial independence for no extra funding compared to 2011, and the student-owned bars and cafes would be replaced by outsourced management, which is unlikely to understand student needs as well as the Union does.

After detailing his proposal the Deputy Vice-Chancellor was asked by the Board exactly how much influence the USU actually had in these negotiations. Armstrong said the University’s business plan will change with Union feedback, but “what will not change is that our preferred outcome is a transfer of retail operations.”

The Vice-Chancellor Michael Spence speaking at the USU’s Annual Dinner in September 2011.

afloat by considerable subsidies from University funds.” In a simultaneous web announcement, University administrators said they intended to smoothly transfer the Union’s retail and commercial operations to the University from the start of 2012. The USU Board was openly shocked and disappointed by the University’s move.

The email seemed timed to hit inboxes when the USU was least able to effectively respond.

It was sent during STUVAC, when students weren’t around to discuss it on campus, or were too preoccupied with study. Both Honi Soit and BULL Magazine had closed for the year, so they couldn’t explain the situation to students.

It was also sent mere hours after USU President Sibella Matthews left for a conference in China.

The USU Board countered on its

STALEMATE AND 2012 The SLA and USVC contracts expired at the end of 2011, putting the Union around $4.5 million out of pocket. Shortly after, the University offered the Union a 40 per cent share in a new joint campus retail committee. This University majority would rob the Union of their control over campus retail, so the board rejected it. Instead, they proposed sharing campus retail through a 50-50 split in the hypothetical committee (an idea proposed by former President Patrick Bateman in 2010). Dr Spence rejected this offer and stopped the negotiation process, writing “I doubt that further negotiations could produce anything of merit or value.”

The Occupation License appears to be the only protection the USU has from the University directly seizing control of its commercial outlets. And with neither side budging from their stance, the Union and Uni are locked in a stalemate. The University can sit and wait, hoping that the USU goes bankrupt without Uni funding and is forced to accept the administration’s terms. On the other hand, if the USU can stay profitable without University funding, then the Uni can’t force them to hand over their retail outlets.

But while the negotiations for commercial operations are over for now, the Union is still hoping to negotiate a share of the $10.4 million the University will receive from students paying their 2012 SSA fees. But given the University’s recent trend of cutting USU funding and disregard for goodwill negotiations, some think this is unlikely.

It’s going to be a tough year for the Union. It’s down some $4.5 million in funding and it’s facing stiff opposition in the University’s administration. The Vice-Chancellor and his colleagues are still determined to transfer the Union’s retail operations to the University.

But the USU is “entering 2012 with a business as-usual-approach.”

While there might be some financial changes behind the scenes, students will still get their Access cards and C&S memberships like usual. The same bars and cafes we know and love – or have yet to discover – are still open. The USU’s survived 138 years of international war, government intrigue and financial stress. The Union doubts the next few years will be much worse.

20/02/12 5:40 PM

ISSUE 01 INTERVIEW

INTERVIEW TOM BALLARD “When I get to talk to someone who I’ve admired for a long time, especially if I talk to them and I can make them laugh, that’s a really amazing feeling.”

P

ierce Hartigan asks comedian and triple j breakfast host Tom Ballard if he likes stuff.

(He does.)

DID YOU KNOW THAT, WHEN YOU GOOGLE YOUR NAME, THE FIRST THING THAT COMES UP IS ABOUT THREE IMAGES OF YOU IN YOUR UNDIES? I’m aware of that, yes. That was the poster for my first ever festival show, and because it was about me being gay and all up front and honest about stuff, I thought it was an appropriate metaphor for the show. I didn’t feel great about doing it at the time, but I’m glad I did in the end. It was a good poster.

OVER THE LAST FEW YEARS, YOU’VE COME TO BE REGARDED BY MANY AS THE GO-TO YOUNG AND ARTICULATE GAY CELEBRITY. DO YOU WORRY ABOUT BEING PIGEONHOLED? Not really, I actually think I’ve been lucky.

Obviously, I don’t want the fact that I’m gay to define me, but also I think that a lot of the strongest material I’ve ever written is about that experience, so it’s a two-way street. You just have to understand that people are always going to associate you with certain things.

I really don’t think ‘gay’ is really the first thing people think of when they think of me – hopefully, anyway. I’m just trying to be a comedian first and foremost. I mean, it’s 2012 – it’s getting kind of old-school to talk about that stuff a lot now.

YOU’RE ONLY 22 BUT YOU’VE BEEN ON TRIPLE J FOR A FEW YEARS NOW ALREADY. DID YOU GO TO UNI? I did. I went to Monash to study law – for six weeks – and then I dropped out after that.

By then I had my comedy festival show and I was doing weekend breakfast on triple J as well,

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and I just felt like I wasn’t doing any one of those three things as well as I could be if I didn’t have to focus on all of them at once.

My mum’s a careers teacher, though, so she was saying things like, ‘Tom, you’d better finish these things first, and then you can go and do your little jokes and your skits’. My mum always seems to worry a fair bit, as mums do. I think she’s OK with things now, though.

ARE YOU EXCITED TO BE PERFORMING AT O-WEEK? I’m really looking forward to it. I love doing university gigs, mainly because uni kids often don’t have the cash to come to comedy festival shows or comedy clubs where the ticket prices can be really expensive. It also means that, if I reference Kanye West or somebody like that, they don’t just stare at me blankly; they know what I’m talking about.

I actually wish there were more uni gigs now than there are. There used to be a whole circuit with lunchtime gigs and comedians used to almost be able to live just off playing universities. In America, the college circuit is huge; people can spend years and years going around American colleges playing to them, and they’re always really great gigs.

I did an O-Week last year at Wollongong and that was really great – well, it was outside and it was a bit weird – but generally it was pretty cool. People seemed happy, so I’m really looking forward to this one. Bring it on, Sydney!

YOU GET TO INTERACT WITH SOME AMAZING PEOPLE THROUGH YOUR WORK – ARTISTS, ACTORS, JOURNALISTS… HOW DOES IT FEEL AS A 22-YEAR-OLD COMEDIAN GOING TOE-TO-TOE WITH PEOPLE LIKE THAT? It’s crazy when you’ve got someone really important on the show and you realise you’re like, ‘Oh, I was just blasé about the fact that I get to talk to James Cameron today’. For breakfast radio especially, so much of it is about just keeping up, so as soon as you’ve done something you need to forget about it and focus on what’s next.

But when I get to talk to someone who I’ve admired for a long time, especially if I talk to them and I can make them laugh, that’s a really amazing feeling. Meeting people like Robin Williams, talking to Chris Rock on the phone, having Ben Folds in, Regina Spektor – after those days, you go home and think, ‘Holy shit, I can’t believe I got to do that today’.

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO IN 2012?

Definitely The Dark Knight Rises, and the new Shins album… but otherwise, I’m really looking forward to just doing more radio. It’s our third year doing the show, and I just feel like people are really on board now. It’s going to be a good year.

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Illustration by Cindy Chen

WANTED:

ONE ROOM IN CAMPERDOWN MISA HAN GOES HOUSEHUNTING.

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F

inding a decent place to call home anywhere near the University of Sydney is something of a lottery.

You need more than a fair share of luck to win that jackpot of a place that’s livable, close to campus and affordable. I’m on Gumtree.com.au. I’m looking for a room in a share house near the university and I have given myself $260 a week – roughly the amount of the Centrelink benefit for a single 18-year-old student living away from home... who doesn't need food. A large number of places are easily discarded. First ones to go are: ‘one room for 3 ppl $130/week,’ and ‘living room available for 1 male’, as well as ‘$100 for a master bedroom share, Europeans preferred.’

The first place I visit is on Shepherd St just five minutes away from the campus. From the outside, the house looks like a typical four to five bedroom Sydney terrace. Inside are seven bedrooms. The last available room, $225 a week including bills, was once the space for a living room and now is enclosed by concrete walls. The only window in the room faces the corridor leading to the kitchen, so, goodbye natural lighting and air.

The second residence is located on St John’s Rd - a 10-minute stroll from the campus. It’s a neat eight-bedroom boarding house with shared kitchen and bathroom facilities. However, at $300 a week including bills, the place is a budget-breaker. All for a single room that just about fits a double-bed, a desk and a small wardrobe.

Come February, students from across the state, the country – indeed the world,

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ISSUE 01 FEATURE

“WITH THE ASSISTANCE OF THE SRC [STUDENT REPRESENTATIVE COUNCIL], THE CIS PLANNING TEAM ARE CURRENTLY DEVELOPING A DETAILED CONCEPT FOR SELF-CATERED, MULTIBED APARTMENTS.” flock to inner Sydney seeing a place to live for another academic year. It’s alarmingly common for students to sign up to seemingly unlivable living arrangements. In houses and flats all around in the innerwest, students are camped out in a living room or sleeping in a bunk bed all year. Some students sign a rental agreement while others stay as boarders, which means that if something goes wrong – say, a broken tap or getting locked out – there is little they can do about it, they simply lack the right. But it’s a risk that often must be taken. While living further away from the campus opens up better options, the cost of transport is another expense.

The cheapest weekly ticket for trains and buses around Sydney costs $21.50 a week -$43 for international students. The convenience of living close to campus means that there is a dire shortage of private rentals to meet the student demand for housing near the university.

In the United Kingdom, a significant number of universities guarantee on-campus accommodation for first year undergraduate students. At Oxford and Cambridge, colleges provide rooms for undergraduate students during their first year at least. In the United States, most Ivy League and state universities guarantee on-campus housing for all freshmen students, and some universities providing oncampus accommodation for the full duration of their degree.

Here in Australia, the Australian National University is the only university that can guarantee on-campus accommodation, and the guarantee is limited to first-time undergraduate students from outside the ACT region.

The lack of an on-campus housing arrangement wasn’t a problem several years ago when most Australian students, unlike their British or American counterparts, could simply attend a university just a train or bus ride away from home. Residential colleges could comfortably accommodate the few students coming from regional areas or interstate. But today, the university population is far different.

To begin with, there are more students – according to the Department of Education, Employment and Workplace Relations, more than one million students were enrolled in higher education in 2010, a whopping increase from 700,000 ten years ago. Adding to the pressure

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is the increase in the number of international students who expect to live as close to campus as possible. In 2001, there were around 5,000 international student enrolments at the University of Sydney. By 2011, the figure had doubled to 10,000.

For the 45,000-plus students at the Univesity of Sydney, there is room on-campus for just 2,500. That means only 5 per cent of students live on-campus. Applications for this super-exclusive housing generally close early, between September and December the year before. While the university-owned places give preference to first year students, those fresh out of high school who are still unsure about going to university – let alone which university to go to – are more than likely going to miss out on the application process. As for the residential colleges, all but the International House are not owned by the university. These residential colleges determine their own admission criteria, which include factors such as grades, cultural and sporting achievements, religious affiliations and alumni

HOME IS WHERE THE EFFORT IS Top tips for house hunting EXPAND YOUR SEARCH. The University has its own accommodation database. Some of the best share houses near campus are only available through word of mouth – update your Facebook status and ask around.

GO TO OTHER SUBURBS. Find out what public transport options you have on www.131500. com.au. The 15 to 30 minute bus or train ride might be worth it if it means you get a decent room in a nice share house at an affordable price.

THINK CAREFULLY BEFORE YOU SIGN UP FOR ANY OF THE FOLLOWING ARRANGEMENTS: living in someone’s living room, sharing a room with another person, moving into a room without four walls and a door (descriptions such as ‘attic room’, ‘loft apartment’ and ‘warehouse conversion’ should trigger an alarm bell and require a close inspection), moving into an overcrowded apartment (your life is not, and will never be, like The Spanish Apartment).

NEVER sign up for a rental agreement without inspecting the place first.

IF YOU CAN, MEET THE HOUSEMATES AND HAVE ‘THE TALK’. If your idea of a party is The West Wing with chocolate ice cream and your housemates’ is a mid-week house rave until 3am, the arrangement probably won’t work out in the long run.

KNOW YOUR RIGHTS. If you sign a residential agreement, you might have to pay a break fee if you move out before the end of your tenancy.

For more information and tips, see The Share Housing Survival Guide .(www.rlc.org.au/ sharehousing). If in doubt, seek advice from your local tenants’ service (you can find the contact details on www.tenants.org.au).

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connections. As a result, the rooms are not necessarily allocated to students who are most in need of on-campus housing: first year students and students from regional areas, interstate and overseas.

This is not an issue that has gone unnoticed, though. The University’s White Paper, which outlines its strategic plan for the next five years, states that “we have a Work Slate project to scope opportunities for increasing the levels of available student accommodation to as many as 6,000 beds.” Following the White Paper, the University’s Campus Infrastructure and Services Division (CIS) undertook a study to quantify the accommodation type, number of beds, preferred student experience and any other issues associated with the provision of student accommodation by the University.

“With the assistance of the SRC [Student Representative Council], the CIS Planning team are currently developing a detailed concept for self-catered, multi-bed apartments,” said Andrew Potter, the University’s Director of Corporate Media Relations.

“These concepts will be discussed with and tested by student focus groups early in the academic years once students are back,” he said.

“At present the University is testing the funding options available to meet the accommodation targets of the White Paper.”

Funding though is notoriously difficult to wrest from the government. The ANU took advantage of the National Rental Affordability Scheme, a government initiative that offers financial incentives to low cost accommodation providers, to offer 1,000 affordable beds to its students. However, that scheme may be harder to implement in inner Sydney than it was in suburban Canberra.

It is not only the relative cost and legal certainty of on-campus accommodation that students miss out on. It is also the social experience that comes with being so close to your university. Easy access to Clubs and Societies events, networking opportunities and being immersed in the community in general, such experiences are important for students coming to university and leaving their friends and family behind. This too, is not overlooked by the University. According to Andrew Potter, the CIS study recognised “the importance of the residential student experience and in particular, the academic support and level of student care provided by the University’s residential colleges.”

But in the meantime, first-year and returning students continue to struggle to find adequate housing near campus during the rental bubble in February and March. Last year, I knew of a few students who were still living out of suitcases at hostels a week after the classes had begun. For the vast majority of students, the situation looks grim: some may find themselves in an overcrowded apartment, some in an isolated suburb and many will have to work unsustainably long hours to pay the rent. Unless, of course, you’re the lucky few who’ve found an oasis in the private rental market or won the lottery of on-campus housing.

20/02/12 5:40 PM

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ISSUE 01 FEATURES

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GAME CHANGE

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RESIDENT NERD MICHAEL RICHARDSON RIPS INTO THE VIDEO GAME INDUSTRY FOR BEING GREEDY, UNCREATIVE AND BIGOTED WHILE GETTING HIS THUMBS MASSAGED.

N

ot that long ago, video games were widely considered a phase, the preserve of children and weedy, suspendered and bespectacled geniuses in 80s movies. Now, gaming is a multi-billion dollar business made for masses of predominantly cashed-up adults. It’s the biggest entertainment industry there is. In 2010, combined sales of gaming hardware and software reportedly came in at US$25.1 billion, ............. surpassing film industry sales to the tune of $1 billion. ......

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20/02/12 6:06 PM

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s a society – not just nerds, not just kids, not even both – we can’t get enough. But as demand hits warpspeed, the gulf between technology, developers and gamers themselves seems to be growing, and the games industry may find itself having to make some very real changes to bridge this divide.

The industry has always been based upon and limited by technology. With every new game, programmers learn how better to utilise their tools and where better to trim fat. Similarly, as Moore’s Law (see breakout) continues to dictate, computing devices become smaller and faster. Essentially, developers come to grips with their technology, push it to the limit, then discard all their knowledge and start again when the next generation comes along. While there are other considerations in gaming to develop – say, mechanical design or story progression (ha!), or subliminally teaching and conditioning players – the majority of a game’s development cycle (on average two-three years from concept to release) goes into programming, graphic design and polishing.

The current generation of consoles – namely Microsoft’s Xbox 360 and Sony’s Playstation3– shattered barriers in gaming hardware. Entire franchises, like Gears ofWar and Resistance, were spawned on a watershed of visual fidelity. This kind of massive step has happened before; take the release of Quake in 2000 – you know, Quake, the game which launched a thousand games that looked like Quake. The same thing DOOM did back in 1993. Nonetheless, this most recent jump set in motion a vicious cycle in game development, a reasoning process that goes roughly like this: Games with good graphics sell well. Really well. Therefore; we need good graphics to sell well. But good graphics are expensive. Really expensive. Therefore, successful games are expensive.

It’s no wonder there’s so much money flying around nowadays. Although this trend may appear to be challenged by games like the occasional indie release that hits critical mass (for instance, online smash hit Minecraft) and the advent of mobile gaming franchises like Angry Birds; there are thousands of indie games that go unplayed by most of the gaming public, simply because the developers making them lack the resources to keep up any more. The indie revolution is struggling and it remains to be seen whether the candle will burn down or just flutter out.

The bulk of the revenue in gaming comes from a steady stream of high-budget games with two to three year development cycles by big name studios. Think Blizzard, Rockstar, Epic, Infinity Ward, Ubisoft Montreal, Bethesda, Obsidian, Gearbox and so on. Each of these has made a multimillion dollar, highly successful ‘AAA’ game franchise, if not several, in this generation of consoles. Then, there are the publishers that produce and fund the games: Activision, Zenimax, Vivendi, Ubisoft (again) and the biggest cheese of all, Electronic Arts (EA). Gaming’s biggest corporate empire, EA

owns a massive share of studios, their games, and the intellectual property powering them.

According to their 2012 first-quarter financial report, EA have a 16 per cent slice of the entire gaming market pie all to themselves.

This is the face of the modern games industry. It’s an edifice; sprawling, bloated and, yes, overly concerned with making money. Or, if not overly concerned, then the methods they rely upon are all about taking the shortest possible path between them and the money.

And, in the entertainment business, what shorter path is there than a sequel? Consider the sheer quantity of sequels released in 2011: Saint’s Row 3, ModernWarfare 3 (aka Call of Duty 7!), Dead Space 2, Killzone 3, Dragon Age 2, TotalWar: Shogun 2 (the ninth in the TW series), Assassin’s Creed: Revelations (the franchise’s fourth in four years), Dawn ofWar 2, Lego FuckmuppetsVII… to name a few. Oh yeah, and Skyrim, the fifth instalment of The Elder Scrolls series – the game your brother/cousin/friend/ boyfriend has been playing literally all holidays.

The game that grossed over $450 million in its first week of release. According to CNBC, eight of the top 10 highest grossing games of 2011 were either part of a cross-media franchise, or

and soon announced another remake, but one truer to the original’s roots.

Though there are worms like this at the heart of the tower, there is a lot to enjoy in many modern games. Most of the games listed earlier were still very enjoyable, and respect must be paid to the developers for their workplace environment and interactions with players. Heck, I’m playing StarWars The Old Republic. This isn’t to say the industry itself abhors creativity; there are thousands of artists, programmers, designers, and at least several writers working round-the-clock, making art. Unequivocally, they are making art. Nevertheless, as the stakes rise, so to do the industry’s practices curtail creativity, in a counter-intuitive, watchdog fashion; and punishment for failure is reportedly severe.

This culture is exacerbated by (and in some ways has been caused by) an embarrassing heteronormative mien for the common blockbuster game. The root is a

HARDER, BETTER, FASTER, SMALLER MOORE’S LAW was first described by Intel co-founder Gordon E Moore in 1965, The Law is the historical trend in computing hardware, in which the number of transistors that can be placed inexpensively on an integrated circuit doubles approximately every two years. In other words, computers are getting both smaller and more powerful with every new technological generation – approximately two years. It’s still ringing true today, though some forecast the rate will soon slow to every three years.

the sequel to another game. This year doesn’t look like it’ll be very different.

Much like their counterparts in Hollywood, video game producers and investors realise that reworking tried-and-tested material is the safest route to moneysville, albeit a less satisfying one for audiences. Intellectual property is risky business. Proof-of-concept for truly novel idea consumes resources that burgeoning developers don’t always have and established houses don’t want to spend. A sequel only requires iteration on an existing, hopefully pre-litigated formula and giving the protagonist a new marketable shtick (perhaps a shoulder-cannon, a new haircut or some damn-funky trousers) to make it different to the others. Sequels are especially useful to developers because, while improving their tools, they can reuse old assets and cut development time without compromising quality, as long as these assets are used judiciously. In practice though, it is not always the case. An example to that point is the pending reboot of the classic cult-favourite strategy series X-COM. When 2K announced the new game would be a first-person shooter (instead of its traditional real-time strategy genre), the vitriol from loyal fans was so relentless, the studio caved

...............

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.........

ISSUE 01 FEATURES

misunderstanding of the people who play games today. There’s no doubt plenty within the industry who are still confused by why The Sims is so popular and successful, because they’re stuck on the myth that girls don’t play games (not sexist – The Sims is rad).

There is a widening crevasse between the people at whom these games are aimed at, and the people who actually play them.

The overwhelming majority of games are still marketed and developed with straight, white, male teenagers in mind. On the face of it, modern gaming is quite possibly the most sexist and racist, and (why not?) ageist medium there is, except porn – and even porn makes an effort these days. The thing is, according to the Entertainment Software Association, the average ‘gamer’ is nearly aged 40, roughly a third are over 50, over 40 per cent are female, and there’s a strong representation of gay and lesbian gamers, known as ‘gaygamers’. Even so, there’s

a troublingly low number of memorable female protagonists (where their femininity was notable other than for voyeuristic means – say Tomb Raider or Perfect Dark and I’ll slap you).

For the ladies, Beyond Good and Evil featured Jade, No One Lives Forever had Cate Archer, The Longest Journey had April Ryan, and Eternal Darkness had Alexis. That’s about it for females as genuine character protagonists.

There are no default queer gaming protagonists; in limited cases you must go out of your way to elect to play as one (as I’m glad to report you can in Skyrim, among a few other newer titles).

And let’s not even start on black protagonists (as in, black protagonists that aren’t some kind of jive-talkin’-fool-cookin’-Samuel-L-Jacksonlookalike-badass-mofo). Let’s just… not.

Rather than exploring the possibility that characters like these could work, even as a niche, it appears many in the industry feel safer with white, male fauxmoeroticism for all. Because

23

TOP 10

...........

BESTSELLING GAMES OF 2011 (ALL CONSOLES): 1. Call of Duty: Black Ops 2. Just Dance 2 3. Pokémon White Version 4. NBA 2K11 5. Pokémon Black Version 6. Mortal Kombat 2011 7. Zumba Fitness: Join the Party 8. LA Noire 9.LegoStarWarsIII:TheCloneWars

..

10. Portal 2

NB. Compiled by CNBC in November, before MW3 or Skyrim was released.

$ games like $ these continue to sell, albeit perhaps $not as well as they could be, there’s no incentive to change. $ This encapsulates what’s $the modern industry. wrong about Their product $may be selling well and they may be publicly pantsing the film and music industries with $ whom they compete for disposable income; but$ they are too slow to acknowledge the presence of $ players other than their long-

.......

“Modern videogaming is quite possibly the most sexist and racist and (why not?) ageist medium there is, except porn – and even porn makes an effort nowadays”

held target demographics. The commercial prospects of games are risky, which promotes conservative thought in the business side of things to compensate – but there are many (myself included) who hope for, and believe in - and are truly eager to play - a blockbuster game that eschews the traps of creative conservatism and delivers something truly unique. Hell, the industry’s so big and so full of talented people, it might already be in development.

............... .............

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20/02/12 6:06 PM

24

BULL USUONLINE.COM.AU CAMPUS CHATTER

CAMPUS CHATTER

I’M NOT A STALKER, BUT...

TO THE MUSCLY LAW KID WHO ESCHEWS SHIRTS AT LITERALLY EVERY OPPORTUNITY, INCLUDING FORMAL FUNCTIONS, Please Stop.

Everyone TO THE DREAMY BARISTA AT THE LAW SCHOOL CAFÉ, You can froth my cream any day.

Milky

TO THE KID WHO LOOKS LIKE GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH, You can make my banana stand anyday.

Arrested Attraction.

TO ALL SPINELESS WIMPS, The worst pain in the world is neither a kick in the balls or childbirth, it is in fact a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to the face.

Chuck Norris TO ARMAGEDDON, It’s 2012. Hurry up already.

Mayan TO NEWT GINGRICH, You’re my Frog Prince. Tea party sometime?

Adoring Republican

TO KIM KARDASHIAN, Go get married in Vegas.

It will last longer.

Hollywood Guru TO THE GIRL STRUGGLING WITH THE CAMPUS MAP OUTSIDE FISHER LIBRARY, I’d be happy to give you a personal tour anytime .

Massive Direction TO THE GUY I MET AT THE UNITED NATIONS SOCIETY BOOTH AND GOT INTO A CONVERSATION ABOUT SECURITY COUNCIL REFORM, I would love to ‘unite’ with you again.

Spank Me Moon.

TO THE SEXY NERD ENQUIRING ABOUT THE MAXIMUM NUMBER OF BOOKS YOU CAN BORROW FROM THE UNIVERSITY LIBRARIES, How adorable, you still read books – Meet you in the Fisher stacks on Level 9?

Library Fairy

TO MY GODDESS OF A CRIMINAL LAW TUTOR, I wanna lock you up.

HL

TO THE LIBRARIAN IN THE LAW LIBRARY, Never before have I learnt so much about the tort of trespass as I did when I spoke with you. Can I trespass on you next time?

Legal Eagle

PAUL LAM, JENNY LY, ANDY HUA – DENTISTRY I

CHRIS NEFF – GOVERNMENT PHD

Paul: “You wouldn’t give a hug to a guy.”

Jenny: “Usually a handshake for girls and boys, that’s my etiquette.

Most people are comfortable with a handshake. I think a hug is a bit full on if you’ve never met them.”

“Hug. If it’s a friend of a friend it depends what your friend did. If you give your friend a kiss on the cheek then you give a hug to the friend. It’s a hierarchy depending on the previous interaction.”

VOX POPS QUESTION WHAT’S THE ETIQUETTE FOR GREETING SOMEONE FOR THE FIRST TIME?

CHRISSY MAURICE – ARTS III “I think it depends what they look like. If they look nice and friendly – this is social psychology right – you greet them with a hug. Maybe you wait to see what they’re doing, if they’re going in for the kiss or opening their arms.”

FINALBULL.indd 24

20/02/12 5:40 PM

ISSUE 01 CAMPUS CHATTER

25

PLEASE, HAVE A COW HARRIET CAMPBELL TAKES A ONE-EYED VIEW OF 3D CINEMA. Tacky cinematic ploys designed to reel in money are hardly a new thing (see: remakes, sequels, highspeed car chases, etc.) But when I’m forced to pay five extra dollars and don a clumsy pair of plastic glasses to appease Hollywood’s

latest fad, the integrity of modern cinema becomes unredeemable.

Pragmatics alone, when you have gigantic oversized goggles sliding down your nose every five minutes, concentration on the film is sacrificed. Not to mention those who have to wedge their glasses over the top of regular spectacles, or the unfortunate people who suffer headaches and nausea from the torturous dimensions. What

FOR LAUREN KANE DOESN’T BELIEVE IN USING PROTECTION. So you’ve returned to uni after spending your summer holidays perfecting your tan only to be told by all and

sundry that your badge of glowing health is actually the mark of death. Instead of feigning ignorance and attributing your bright red nose, peeling skin and blistering back to an unfortunate bout of leprosy, stand proud and extol the real reasons why you were dying for that suntan…

• You keep tanning because you look good in leather.

• You’re auditioning for a role on Jersey Shore.

• Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was your favourite childhood film.

• You’re proud to be called a redneck.

• You’ve been invited back to a year 12 formal.

• Take action today: dose up on your vitamin D and get your melanin multiplyin’.

FINALBULL.indd 25

aggravates my discomfort is that the intended three-dimensional effect is unconvincing. Most films are shot in 2D and hastily converted to 3D in postproduction, adding an artificial layer that makes the illusion less compelling. In fact, the only image I see jumping out of the screen is the odd subtitle.

Of course the poster child of 3D cinema, Avatar, is the highest grossing film in history. But the result of that unfortunate statistic is now every new blockbuster must try its hand riding on Cameron’s coattails.

Before you get your knickers in a twist, ‘just choose the 2D option’, you might advise. That, however, is quickly becoming a false choice; 3D is dominating theatres and to watch a regular version your selection of viewing times is incredibly limited. How

LOCKING HORNS DISPUTED: TANNING

convenient also for the box office that cinema’s new toy requires audiences to pay extra for the privilege. Infamous scam artist PT Barnum got it right when he said: “nobody ever went bankrupt underestimating the intelligence of the American public”. In fact directors don’t even need to make new movies anymore, Titanic, Star Wars and Beauty in the Beast are soon coming out in 3D, proving they can slap a gimmicky effect onto an old movie and effortlessly rake in the cash.

Sadly, 3D technology deprives film of its artistic composition. Everything is in focus and in your face. There’s no creative reasoning behind this decision, it’s purely financial. It’s pretty obvious where the real focus is, and it’s not through the glasses.

AGAINST JESS COLLINS LIKES TO LATHER UP AND DONS HER RASHIE. How do you like your sunburn - rare, mixed grill or sunny side up?

If you’re feeling pale, pasty and downright ghostly take heart; a tan is the mark of the plebeians. Just a century ago, bronzed skin was

shorthand for ‘I work my arse off toiling under the harsh sun,’ while the truly classy carried parasols and rode in carriages.

And if you’ve ever bitten into an apple and noticed it turn brown, that’s the same effect spray tanning relies upon. Do you want to look like a half-eaten apple?

This is not to mention premature aging, increased wrinkling and skin discolouration.You only have to look for that person on the beach who could be mistaken for a saddle and thrown on a horse to know that long-term sun exposure is not the path to beauty. Ever seen Donatella Versace in a bikini? A top fashion designer should always remember that ‘less is more’.

Take heed, there is no safe alternative. We can see through your fake bake. My advice, be bright and stay white!

20/02/12 5:40 PM

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122 FA FACES FACES E TO WAT WATTCH TCH

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ANNE SUMMERS

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• • • •

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ced to cut staff ff numbers for the next ext few years to protect profit profi margins. rgins. The high levels of con conco sumption mption and lending they ene joyed ed in recent years will not no continue. ntin nt Att the start of 2007 Australia’s

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Tertiary advisory days: your five-page guide to starting university

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THE Fijian reegim THE gime me of Voreqe Vo ‘‘Fra Frank’’’ Bainim marama hass recruited rui d onee of Washington’s Washington’s hington’s most noto ou notorio ous lobb byistt firms – that byist has b has bee een n raide ai ed d by the FBI and an reeprese repr sen entss repr r ressive ssive sive ve regimes iin the Mid id ddlee East Easst and d Africa Afric – to t help h elp manage ge iitts rep reputation putatio and lobby fo lobby oreign n jo ournal urnalists. lists.

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Frank rank Bainimarama ... advice. lations, only nly to enshrine ne them in ap permanent law.

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ber. er. A contract published by the th US S Justice Department under unde the he F Foreign Agents Agen Registration Act ctt reveals l that in October the t Fijian ijiaan Attorney-General, Aiyaz Ai Sayed-Khaiyum, yeed-Khaiyum, signed a deed with Qorvis worth $US40,000 $US40,00 a month nth forr a year. In return, re retu Qorviss has as agreed to provi pr provide ‘‘public public ic relations relati services rela relating to business and investm investment to o the he government of Fiji’’.

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FESTIVAL OF THE COUCH

summer The world of the box-set addict

STARTS PAGE 12

DY YNASTY THE TENDULKAR DYNASTY

The son also rises SPORTSDAY

Monday January 2, 2012

First published 1831 No. 54,364 $1.50 (inc GST)

Call to cut city speed limits to 40km/h

Howard honoured, for Queen and country

INSIDE Bowser blues

NSW drivers could face more petrol price rises when the government bans regular unleaded fuel, pushing up demand for ethanol-blended and premium unleaded, the industry has warned. From July, petrol stations will no longer be allowed to sell regular unleaded in a bid to promote renewable biofuels. 씰 News — Page 3

Weather, or not

The most miserable summer in Sydney in 50 years. The coldest autumn nationally in more than 50 years. Record flooding in Victoria. A Christmas Day in Melbourne with hailstones the size of eggs. Massive floods and cyclone Yasi in Queensland.

What’s it all mean?

Anna Patty

ROAD RULES

씰 Pedestrians in the city centre: 600,000 씰 Vehicles in city centre: 85,000 씰 International safety speed: 30km/h 씰 City of Sydney safety speed: 40km/h

씰 Paul Sheehan, Opinion — Page 11

Road toll falls

The 2011 road toll was the second lowest since 1944, according to provisional figures from the NSW Centre for Road Safety. Last year, 376 people were killed on NSW roads, down from 405 the previous year. The toll has dropped from 524 over the past 10 years.

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씰 News — Page 5

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Exceptionally meritorious services ... Mr Howard at home in Wollstonecraft yesterday. ‘‘It’s a compliment to Australia,’’ he said of his award. Photo: Quentin Jones Kelly Burke ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ●

IN GOOD COMPANY

First Tuesday

Mitt Romney and Ron Paul appeared to be running neck and neck in Iowa before tomorrow’s first vote on the candidates vying for the Republican Party’s presidential nomination, with Rick Santorum mounting a late charge. Contenders have been blitzing shopping malls, public meetings and local media. 씰 World — Page 8

understand they have safety concerns, I fear that it could slow city traffic to a snail’s pace. ‘‘This would make journeys across Sydney even longer in duration and slower, especially at night.’’

A spokeswoman for the City of Sydney said it was the responsibility of NSW Roads and Maritime Services to approve any changes to the speed limit.

“The RMS is responsible for signposting and speed limits throughout NSW,” she said.

“The City of Sydney supports improving road safety and minimising the risk of injury and death in pedestrian areas

seen the City of Sydney proposal.

Mr Lee-Williams told the Staysafe committee in late November that someone hit by a car at 40km/h was far less likely to die than if they were hit at 60km/h. ‘‘Internationally it is 30km/h, but because it has taken about 12 years to get the RTA down to 40km/h, we did not want to push the envelope to 30km/h,’’ he said. ‘‘Traffic also flows better in crowded areas at a slower speed because . . . you do not get compression between intersections: the vehicles are moving easily; they do not have to accelerate, decelerate, accelerate, decelerate.”

with a capped membership of just 24 after Buckingham Palace announced yesterday he had been appointed a member of the Order of Merit.

Only Menzies’ Knight of the Order of the Thistle, to which the Liberal Party founder was invested in 1963, carries more kudos. ‘‘I’m very honoured,’’ Mr Howard told the Herald from his home in Wollstonecraft. ‘‘It’s a compliment to Australia and a recognition, among other things, of the respect the Queen has for this country. I’m very grateful for it.’’

Mr Howard, along with the British artist David Hockney,

On merit ... clockwise, from top left: Baroness Thatcher, Prince Charles, Sir Tom Stoppard, David Hockney and Sir David Attenborough. who was also appointed to the order yesterday, will join luminaries including the former British prime minister Baroness Margaret Thatcher, the playwright Sir Tom Stoppard, the naturalist Sir David Attenborough and Prince Charles.

Harbour rubbish pile on the rise after prison drain gangs get the brush-off Debra Jopson ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ●

THE amount of litter and waste Sydney Harbour garbage collectors pick up each year has plummeted to the lowest level in more than a decade after NSW Maritime suspended a long-running clean-up program that used prisoners on periodic detention.

The environmental services team, which clears debris ranging from plastic drink bottles to fallen trees from more than 5000 hectares of waterways, collected just 2284 cubic metres of waste last financial year, almost 500 cubic metres less than the year

Dirty business ... litter lines the foreshore at Iron Cove.

Photo: Jon Reid before, NSW Maritime’s latest annual report reveals. ‘‘One can draw the conclusion that there would be more litter in the harbour,’’ said Peter McLean, the NSW chief executive of Keep Australia Beautiful. ‘‘I hate to see

programs like this not continue in some form. It would certainly be very detrimental. We have millions of people living in that catchment.’’

Research indicated it was likely that since the end of the

drought more rain has meant more litter washed into waterways, he said.

Most of the man-made refuse consists of food and drink packaging dropped on streets and swept into the harbour through stormwater drains, a NSW Maritime spokeswoman said.

While the fall was partly caused by Maritime’s environmental service losing its flagship vessel for more than six months as a replacement was built, it also followed a decision in December 2010 to stop using detainees provided by the Department of Corrective Ser-

Classic stoush

Chloe Hosking won a thrilling first race of the Bay Classic and promptly called Union Cycliste Internationale boss Pat McQuaid ‘‘a dick’’ for failing to implement a minimum wage for women.

Third placed Rochelle Gilmore also called for change. 씰 SportsDay — Page 32

SYDNEY CITY sunny 18°-26° LIVERPOOL sunny 15°-31° PENRITH sunny 16°-33° WOLLONGONG sunny 18°-26° GOSFORD sunny 15°-28° NEWCASTLE sunny 18°-26° CANBERRA partly cloudy 15°-35° ARMIDALE mostly sunny 10°-27° DUBBO sunny 17°-35° COFFS HARBOUR partly cloudy 16°-26° DETAILS PAGE 18 ISSN 0312-6315

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JOIN ACCESS NOW! FINALBULL.indd 27

20/02/12 5:40 PM

28

BULL USUONLINE.COM FEATURE

CONFESSIONS OF A

YOUNG FOGEY I

’m a Young Fogey.

That’s right, you heard me. When it comes to music, that endless source of conversation and opinion particularly on this campus, I am lost in some sort of time warp.

ADAM DISNEY CONFESSES TO THE GRAVEST SIN OF ALL: BETRAYING HIS YOUTH.

FINALBULL.indd 28

If you put me in a room with your dad and a stereo, I guarantee that within five minutes we’ll have begun an hour-long discussion about the summer of ’74 when he saw Pink Floyd live with Quadraphonic sound.

My problem is age. I simply don’t possess that gene that makes you prize the new and fresh. Be it nature or nurture, there is something faulty in the brain of the Young Fogey, something which fails to trigger the requisite flood of endorphins whenever our ears are graced with a danceable, bass-heavy beat and a wall of synthetic noise. It just doesn’t do it for us, and so we live trapped; waiting for our young bodies to catch up with our (by peer standards) ancient taste. It’s only a matter of time before I start yelling at those damned kids to get off my lawn.

However, before you start searching through your collection of branding irons for the one reading ‘Arrogant Prick’, you should know, I’m well-aware of not being the first person to listen to ever a Beatles album and think, ‘Hey, this is pretty good!’ nor being first to conclude The Dark Side of the Moon was pretty influential.

Nonetheless, I don’t think it would be unfair to say that I’ve taken it a step further than torrenting the Beatles discography and listening to half of it while simultaneously watching How I MetYour Mother.

Young Fogeys may struggle to contribute to a discussion on the merits of this year’s Big Day Out line-up, but we will leave you shaking your head when you scroll frantically through our iPod looking for the latest, feel-good beatthumpery and find naught but Joy Division and Leonard Cohen. Don’t hold that against us, though.

In defence, we aren’t opposed to the concept of contemporary music per se. Not long after starting off at uni, I spiced up my staid blend

20/02/12 5:40 PM

ISSUE 01 FEATURE

29

“We live trapped; waiting for our young bodies to catch up with our (by peer standards) ancient taste.” of ‘bring back the sixties’ rock with a sprinkling of Interpol, a dash of The Strokes, the lightest pinch of Bloc Party. I even listened to Kanye West a couple of times and while it wasn’t really my thing, I certainly didn’t fly into a fit of rage.

In MGMT I gained a new favourite band, and as the radio started blaring ‘Kids’ at all times of the day and night, I was caught up in a giddy rush, realising that I’d somehow managed to get excited about a youth trend. Heady days they were, and they seemed without end. That is, until the second album came along. I loved it. People didn’t. My trendy acquaintance who had once introduced me to them with impatient excitement was now scathing, deeming them ‘shit’ and it was then I realised that Fogeydom is something I could never escape.

But, is the life of a convicted Young Fogey really so bad? Sitting in Oporto’s with a fellow Young Fogey the other day, wolfing down mushy chips, our eyes were inevitably drawn to the enormous TV on the wall playing music videos. It was then that I was submitted to my first full listen of Rihanna’s ‘Umbrella’ and made an important realisation. Turning to my friend, I said, “You know, when you think about it, this music isn’t really all that different from any pop music of the last forty years”. My friend made no reply as he continued feeding himself fistfuls of chips. I continued, “The melody and the song structure are all fairly traditional. It’s just dressed up differently. It’s the sound, not the song.” He nodded sagely, wiping some BBQ sauce off his Wu-Tang shirt.

Within that realisation were the roots of my reassurance. Sure, the Young Fogey doesn’t get a thrill from being the first to jump on a newlymade bandwagon, and they may experience a little social discomfort because of this, but the rest of you will have to go through something far worse.

Slowly, oh so slowly, that newest-trend gene you so treasure will start to break down, and the message it sends to your brain will gradually change from ‘new = better’ to ‘old = best’, and that way lies death. Sure, I’ll never be the hippest character in my youth, but I won’t be quite so tragic when the sonic drapery of today is mercilessly mocked tomorrow. When little Diz Jr glides over on his hoverbike and tries to give me shit about how ‘you all listened to LMFAO’ in the old days, I’ll calmly kick him in the solar plexus and deliver my admonishment.

‘Shut up, son. I listened to the Stooges.’

FINALBULL.indd 29

20/02/12 5:40 PM

pwc.com.au/experienceaward

How can you get involved in the 2012 PwC Student Experience Award?

What do you value?

The PwC Student Experience Award recognises students from all degree backgrounds who are achieving excellence in their work while maintaining a balanced life. The winners will receive an all-expenses paid trip to Sydney for the national award ceremony and lunch with our $XVWUDOLDQ &(2 7KH SUL]H SDFNDJH LQFOXGHV D 6\GQH\ +DUERXU %ULGJH FOLPE ÀQDQFLDO DVVLVWDQFH towards the course or cause of your choice and a professional development package designed to assist you with preparing for the workforce, regardless of which career you would like to pursue.

How to apply Tell us in 200 words or less how you achieve excellence in your work while maintaining a balanced life. The award is open to students from all degree disciplines who have at least one year of study remaining.

It’s an award that not only encourages students to be really active in a broad range of pursuits, but also supports them in developing themselves further.

Entries will open on Monday 13 February 2012 and close on Sunday 29 April 2012.

Apply today. pwc.com.au/experienceaward

youtube.com/pwcau

Join the conversation

Philippa Williams University of Adelaide

twitter.com/PwC_AU facebook.com/PwCAUStudentCareers

2011 Winners Hele en Chan

Colin Fin nke

Rachel Lee e

Wiillia am Chan

Nitesh C Chawda

Univeersity of Melb bourne – Mediicine

University o of Queensland d– Commerce (account ou ing g)/Law

University of W Western Australia – Arrtss (political scien nce) c /Law (interna atiional relations)

Uniiversiity of Syd dney – Arcchiteccture

Bon Bo B o d Uniiversity – Co C ommercce/Law

FINALBULL.indd 30

20/02/12 5:40 PM

ISSUE 01 YOUNIVERSITY

“No-one wants to be called a neg or a nuffie; it basically means you’re not considered one of the pack anymore.”

YOUNIVERSITY College Life PIERCE HARTIGAN GOES STREAKING THROUGH THE QUAD.

O

ver the next few weeks, you may well meet a first-year in an academic gown who will introduce you to her pet brick.You may meet another with a haircut like a burns victim, or, as I once witnessed, someone with a completely shaved head save for a hairy diagram of a man taking a swirly dump sitting proudly at the top of his neck. Say hi to the college kids.

Looking from the outside in, college appears to offer a lifestyle somewhere between Old School and The Dead Poets’ Society. The inhabitants of Sydney University’s residential colleges seem to live the dream several decades’ worth of American B-grade movies promised us all uni would be like: playing sport, weird initiation rituals and loads and loads of drunken sex. All whilst adhering to strict traditions of formal

FINALBULL.indd 31

dinners and academic dress, and even throwing the odd Victoriana show.

With a weekly pricetag of $450-480, short of a scholarship, most students cannot afford the convenience and lifestyle that college offers, even if this does include food and board, tutoring and extra-curriculars. This compounds the colleges’ reputation as a safehaven for privileged private school kids, where they can keep doing private school stuff in private school buildings while studying at a public university.

‘Gandalf’* left college shortly after he started for precisely that reason, unhappy with the social environment he discovered there. “I found college to be a place of really weird social hierarchies… where the ‘adults’ that run the joint are often little more than a safety net for a group of people who now have access to a bar within 100m of their bedroom, and possibly shouldn’t,” he said.

“For some, it’ll be a place of serious intellectual rigour. There are opportunities to be tutored and mentored by Rhodes scholars, and you have access to some very impressive alumni networks that can extend you down your chosen field far quicker than you’d ever imagined. But

31

for others, it’s a place where they legitimately have the best time of their lives, and meet people who can give them jobs they otherwise don’t deserve.”

Of course, not all residents feel this way.

‘Madge’* is from country NSW and originally went to college because of the security it offered her as someone who hadn’t grown up in Sydney and didn’t really know where else to start. Now entering her second year away from home, her reasons for remaining at college are a little different to when she started.

“I don’t think I could ever have imagined how awesome college would actually be. It’s just full-on awesome, all day, every day... In fact, I probably got a little too into the college lifestyle last year,” says Madge.

“It’s really hard to balance the drinking and partying side with actually going to uni. But I love the people and the spirit, and obviously the parties are so much fun, plus being so close to everything means I can sleep in!”

Other residents describe the convenience of location as a curse, with classes so close they often don’t get around to attending. “There are people who end up being like, I seriously can’t be f--ked to go all the way to Fisher,” says fourth year student ‘Tyrone’*. “At least when you have to make an effort to get to uni you tend to make sure you achieve something while you’re there.”

Tyrone, who has moved out of college, believes the college life, while good for some, isn’t for everyone. “The main problem I had was that, if there’s a party culture at your college, it doesn’t work well for people who are doing more serious degrees where you do need to be doing some study throughout semester before stuvac,” says Tyrone.

“It’s a very particular kind of party culture, and if you don’t mesh in with that then you’re going to struggle to thrive there. There are words for people who don’t turn up to events like ‘neg’ (negative) or ‘nuffie’ (nothing)… No-one wants to be called a neg or a nuffie; it basically means you’re not considered one of the pack anymore.”

While all colleges have very different cultures, some more studious than others, the camaraderie of college students is impossible to ignore. “Even if it wasn’t for me in the long run, it was a great thing to be a part of,” says Tyrone.

“I have made some incredible friends and I wouldn’t swap that for anything.” *

names changed, obviously.

College?... or, college?

20/02/12 5:40 PM

32

BULL USUONLINE.COM FOOD & BOOZE

RECIPE SPARKLING STRAWBERRY SANGRIA This white sangria has a strawberry-infused, slightly sparkling taste without the stain and hassle of the traditional red. It’s great for beach parties, all-day BBQs or an evening in with Steig Larsson. Sip slowly as this seemingly benign fruit punch doppelganger can be dangerous, especially if accompanied by the brandy-soaked strawberries.

Dairy Pleasures SARAH WOLF HAS BEEN DOING FROYO. BEFORE EVERYONE ELSE IN THE SUMMER DESSERT SCENE.

WHAT YOU NEED 1 bottle of dry white wine (I like chardonnay), 1 bottle of ginger ale, 1 punnet of strawberries, ½ cup of brandy, 2 tablespoons of sugar, ice cubes

C

onfession: I am a closet foodie. Like many, if not most, self-respecting students here, I follow trends with almost religious fervour – be it in the culinary world or otherwise. Personally, I’ve sampled more than a few food fads, including magnolia cupcakes à la Sex and the City, the Slow Food movement and weekend farmer’s markets.

However a favourite food trend of mine - one that seems to have moved beyond ‘trend’ status into a cosmopolitan staple - is the revival of the frozen yoghurt.

Frozen yogurt first rose to prominence in the 70s, but the current, explosive trend started in January 2005, when Pinkberry opened its doors in Los Angeles. It sold unique frozen yoghurt concoctions, positioned as the low-fat, lowcalorie, full-flavour alternative to perennially popular ice cream with the added (arguable) health benefits of yoghurt’s active live cultures.

The flagship store was an immediate success; lines stretched around the block and soon many became addicts, calling the chilled treat ‘Crackberry’. Soon, frozen yoghurt became an internationally-popular dessert, with flavours and toppings adapted to suit its global clientele.

Take the green tea flavour with mocha topping from Japan for example, or the pumpkin pie flavour with Graham Cracker topping that was sold in US during the holiday season.

Enjoyment of ‘froyo’ is not limited to the warmer months (I’ve eaten at Mr.Yogato in the middle of a freezing Washington DC winter), but a Sydney summer is the perfect time to indulge. Our lovely city is now a veritable cornucopia of frozen yoghurt stores, not least of which are personal faveourites WowCow and Twisted.

WOWCOW (2/304 Victoria St, Darlinghurst) is one of the first froyo vendors in Sydney, located at a popular people-watching spot in trendy Darlinghurst. Despite sharing the street with dessert mainstay Gelato Messina, the queues

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Recipe and Photos by Misa Han

FOOD & BOOZE

HOW TO MAKE • Combine sliced strawberries with brandy and sugar in a jug • Add dry wine and leave it in the fridge for 2-3 hours • Add ice cubes and ginger ale right before serving NOTE Make sure you leave the sangria in the fridge for at least two hours to allow the wine to develop the strawberry-infused flavour.

are long, but not overwhelming. Try to get a stool on the street and enjoy a ‘super chilled yoghurt’ (I like the chocolate flavour) with fruit or confectionary toppings. Other favourites include moo sticks (WowCow’s take on churros) or moothies (as the name suggests, a smoothie made with frozen yoghurt).

TWISTED (36 Hall St, Bondi Beach) is one of the new kids on the froyo block. The recent closure of Igloo Zoo opened the market share in super-competitive Bondi, and today Smooch (40 Hall St, Bondi Beach) remains as the main competitor. Twisted’s menu rotates weekly, offering six (out of 20 possible flavours) and three ‘twists’ (a combination of two flavours).

I tried the plain (tart and not too sweet) with Bubble Bursts (tapioca bubbles, similar to Easy Way pearls, with a liquid centre in strawberry, mango & lychee variations) – it was delicious and a perfect way to end a hot day at the beach.

For those too lazy to venture out to the Eastern suburbs, you can handily grab a take-home pack from Harris Farm Markets at Broadway Shopping Centre.

While this obsession is perhaps not for the true ice-cream lovers, or the lactose intolerant, the rest of us can chill the last days of summer with this new-again treat.

20/02/12 5:40 PM

ISSUE 01 TRAVEL

33

COUNTRY BOLIVIA

The Land of the Long White Line NEROLI AUSTIN GOES TO THE WORLD’S FIRST COCAINE BAR.

B

ehind an innocuous doorway in La Paz, Bolivia is Route 36, dubbed by The Guardian as the ‘world’s first cocaine bar’. It’s spoken of in the hostels as some sort of rite of passage – the experience of going there simultaneously revered and pedestrian. Drugs, it would seem, are fast becoming as good a reason as any to travel. But as a 14-year-old Australian boy who was arrested in Bali last year found, the price of a good time can be exceedingly high.

Route 36 is deceptively easy to find. Although its location notoriously changes on average every few weeks, almost all taxi drivers know where to find it. Stepping inside, it is like many lounges across South America, with backpackers milling around sharing stories from the road and a small dance floor where tables have been pushed aside. Even the drug element of Route 36 is hardly unique - just more aggressively advertised. However, unlike most bars in Latin America which boast a comfortable mix of locals and travellers, Route 36 is marketed at an exclusively foreign crowd that, looking around the bar, you could be anywhere in the world.

The first time I was offered cocaine in South America was by a couple of Kiwi girls who were hoping to get me in with the London

Crowd at the hostel. Clad in ironic Inca jumper and skinny jean combination, the crowd regaled me with tales of Columbian beach resorts and endless lines of coke.

The London Crowd consisted of about 10 to 15 kids who were intermittently travelling together across the continent. Lively in the evening and dull come sunrise, they shared a mutual love of coke, a pseudo-religion they seemed determined to pass onto those they met on route. I wondered how these girls from Waikato – a New Zealand region best known for its cows and a war museum – had ended up snorting their way across the continent.

For many travellers, hard drugs are outside what they may have considered experimenting with in their normal lives. As Sarah*, a secondyear student at the University of Sydney explained, ‘when [cocaine] is placed in front of you and the means to do it put in your hand, you think “why not?” Even though it probably wasn’t something I would do back home, it seemed so normal.’

One of the greatest dangers of drug tourism is perhaps the naivety of the travellers taking these drugs. Never having been confronted with the drug back home, travellers may be unsure of the effects the purity and quantity of the drug will have on them.

This is especially dangerous in the high-altitudes of Peru and Bolivia where the body is already struggling to cope.

Cocaine is hardly the only drug available on the travel circuit.

TRAVEL FINALBULL.indd 33

In Andean South America, psychedelic drug experiences are becoming an expected part of most tours. Walking down streets off the Plaza de Armas in Cusco, Peru, numerous tour agencies promote Ayahuasca experiences as part of tour packages. Ayahuasca, a traditional Andean healing brew, also possesses hallucinogenic properties that make it attractive to foreigners.

For many, one of the primary motivations of taking the drug is the ‘cultural experience’ of being a part of a ceremony presided over by a local shaman. However, studies suggest that these ceremonies are largely shams - the ‘shaman’ is often nothing more than a local drug dealer dressed as a ‘witch doctor’ to satisfy the tourists’ need to make it a meaningful experience.

Although most travellers, like Sarah, return from South America having been heavily exposed to users (in her dorm room in La Paz ‘there was a group of Australian guys on a fourday bender’), statistics on the number of drugrelated incidents are difficult to find. Little is said of laced drugs, addictions, or arrests in South America – due in large part to the reticence of travellers to talk about the less wholesome parts of their trips. Sarah tells me she hasn’t really spoken to anyone about that side of her time in South America.

Aside from the physical dangers of drugs, the more common danger is the loss of the experience of ever being in South America at all. While passing through La Paz, I ran into one of the Kiwi girls from Cusco. I asked where she had been and what she had seen. She looked at me and smirked, ‘Have you heard about Route 36?’

‘Yeah,’ I told her I had. *name changed

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ISSUE 08 FASHION

35

EACH ISSUE WE GO SARTORIALIST ON A PARTICULAR TREND. THIS MONTH, LAWRENCE MUSKITTA GOES UNDERGROUND TO SHOWCASE SOME HIPSTERS.

HIPSTER FASHION IS LIKE PORNOGRAPHY. It comes in many forms and is difficult to define in concrete terms but you know it when you see it.

Although one hipster might have a taste for the flowing dresses and brooches of the 1950s, another might find pleasure in a more futurist style that is heavier on metallic materials and gadget accessories. Different as they are, hipsters are all tied together by a common spirit of defiance against the boring, massproduced and overused. They continually experiment with their look and find ironic amusement in making a statement through the way they dress.

Because of this, it’s a style that needs to be provocative to work.

And if you don’t do it right, you just look like a pretentious dick.

So, again like porn, hipster fashion is more enjoyable and a lot safer to look at than to make.You decide.

FINALBULL.indd 35

GABRIELLA EDELSTEIN

JOSHUA SHUVALOV

GILA SEGALL

Watch: Nixon Top: Urban outfitters Brooch: Etsy.com Pants: Hand-me-down from grandma in the 80s Belt: Vinnies Newtown Shoes: Funkis What would you call your style?

Colonial Kitsch

Hat: My girlfriend bought it for our 3-year anniversary Shirt: Stolen from brother (as with the underwear) Pants: Dangerfield Shoes: Bought by my sister in New York What would you call your style? Relativist libertarian hipster (read: dressed by my girlfriend)

Top: Op-shop in Melbourne Jeans: Glue Chatswood Belt: Mother’s cupboard Shoes: three-five-nine, King Street, Red Cross shop.

What would you call your style? It’s called Gila wearing a fancy shirt. Actually, I don’t wear the shirt; the shirt wears me. It’s a shirt wearing Gila.

MANNING

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FASHION 20/02/12 5:41 PM

36

BULL USUONLINE.COM SPORT

A Level Playing Field?

CARLIE IKONOMOU TACKLES THE TRAGIC REALITY OF WOMEN’S SPORT

Participation Award? Women struggle for legitimacy as professional athletes, even the internationallysuccessful Matildas.

Coverage of women in sport comprised just 9 per cent of all sports coverage on australian television news and current affairs.

A

n old friend once said to me, ‘women don’t play sport; they participate in activities’.

It was a trivial comment, neither intended to provoke nor incite resentment; rather, it was an apparent belief shared among quite a few.

Having grown up with sport, at one point playing women’s football at a semi-professional level, I initially dismissed the comment. It was not revisited until another classmate of mine scoffed that he had no idea that a National Women’s Football League even existed. I questioned whether these comments were in fact so trivial, or insight to a matter-of-fact to some; that women could only ever be ‘amateur’ athletes.

In these last two years alone the achievements of Australia’s female athletes have been outstanding. The Matildas (Australia’s national women’s soccer team) won the 2010 Asian Football Confederation Cup. It was the first time any Australian football team won an international competition. The Australian Women’s Cricket team won the Twenty20 women’s world cricket cup early in 2010 and Lauren Mitchell became Australia’s first world champion gymnast. Last year, Sally Pearson became the 100m hurdle world champion. Samantha Stosur won the US open.

Unfortunately, some of these high achievements have remained relatively unknown. As former Labor MP Belinda Neal has expressed, the primary issue is a lack of media coverage and public recognition. Horseracing alone receives more airtime in the Australian media than all women’s sport combined, a sad fact pointed out by the Federal Minister for the Status of Women, Kate Ellis last August.

SPORT FINALBULL.indd 36

Thea Slatyer, 27, a current Matilda, believes that a lack of media coverage and advertising is causing serious problems for female athletes, in particular securing sponsorship. “Although the situation has improved, with the National Women’s League being televised, little is being done to advertise the games. Many people are still unaware that the league exists,” she said.

The broader issue that stems from poor media coverage and sponsorship, is meagre funding in women’s sport. As part of the W- league, women athletes sign ‘agreements’, rather than contracts, as the tiny annual salaries do not satisfy the requirements to be considered a ‘professional’ athlete. Top W-League players can earn just $7,000 a year, and most earn far less. Only players in the national squad can expect anything higher.

Women train just as professionally as men.

Ellyse Perry, 20, a dual international in football and cricket, trained twice a day in preparation for this year’s cricket World Cup. “We certainly train just as hard as men. But most of us juggled jobs or study,” she said.

Disgraced AFL players Brendan Fervola and Ben Cousins, who put their clubs and sport into disrepute, still earned over $1 million dollars collectively last year.Yet, some of our inspirational, role model-worthy female athletes struggle to make ends meet.

It is this lack of funding that renders many professional female athletes to ‘amateur’ ranks.

They are professional in every way except for the pay packet they take home each week.

“Yes, we do not generate the same level of revenue as the men, but we inspire young women. Football is the fastest growing sport among girls, who in turn pay registration fees and attend games. So from this perspective, more funding is justified,” said Perry.

Last year the Central Coast Mariners, one of the more successful women’s football teams, folded due to a insufficient financial support.

All that was required to save this team from its death was $150, 000. Peanuts in the men’s sporting world. Take, for contrast’s sake, the State and Federal governments recent $20 million investment into Jubilee Oval, home of NRL club, St George Dragons. The ground will host around seven games a year. No-one can blame the Mariners’ coaches and players for being disheartened.

It is indeed a travesty that between Football Federation Australia and the Government, the funds could not be found. Sadder still is that no company had faith in investing in women’s sport.

If the profile of women’s sport, level of funding, media coverage and advertising does not improve, perhaps, sadly and unjustly – there is a sad truth in what was intended to be a throwaway comment.

We are running in circles, merely ‘participating in activities’.

20/02/12 5:41 PM

ISSUE 01 SCIENCE & TECH

Sugar Daddy LOOKING FOR LOVE OF THE BEAUTIFUL KIND? RACHAEL HYDE GOES A-GOLDDIGGIN’ ON THE INTERWEBS.

T

he first thing you notice on richorbeautiful.com is that it uses the conjunction ‘or’ instead of ‘and’.

Makes sense – we don’t want to scare off all the fuglies of the 99 per cent, now do we? After telling me that its members include CEOs, lawyers, fitness models (whatever that is), beauty queens and celebrities, the homepage assured me that ‘everyone is welcome here... you don’t have to be rich or famous to enjoy the site’.

I’ve never felt more loved.

Encouraged by the knowledge that I need only possess one desirable quality to make it here, I ponder whether to sell myself as rich or beautiful. Thankfully, the kind souls at seekingmillionaire.com have an FAQ section explaining the advantages and disadvantages of each. While ‘Attractive’ members can use most elite dating sites for free, ‘Wealthy’ members generally only gain access to limited features before being required to pay a premium.

Wealthy members may initiate contact with both Attractive and Wealthy members, whilst Attractive members are limited to contact with Wealthy members. I wonder what Darwin would do…

So, I leaned towards becoming a Wealthy rather than an Attractive, partly because faking your bank balance on online chat is far more easier than faking your appearance, particularly when most members list Skype video chat as their preferred method of communication.

To get started I turned to the helpful page, ‘Millionaire date ideas (30K+)’. Thank god for those 30 thousand generous millionaires sharing the love. One suggestion is “a long decadent meal, full of conversation as rich as the food.” I can’t help thinking the contributor meant to type ‘people’ instead of ‘food’. Or perhaps ‘people’ instead of ‘conversation,’ for that matter.

Suddenly panic strikes. I realise that, if I’m able to chat up a leggy blonde online by telling her I like expensive restaurants and have the bank balance to pay for them, anyone can. This,

37

“The homepage assures me, ‘You don’t even have to be rich or famous to enjoy the site’.

I’ve never felt more loved.”

it seems, is a concern shared by many. Sob stories of women chatted up by ‘Millionaire Impostors’ are everywhere. Thankfully, again, there’s the popular post: ‘How to Tell if You Are Dating a Millionaire or an Impostor’, full of user tips for telling the real millionaires from the wannabes.

Cracks literally appeared all over my foolproof plan. The bottle of Bundy, the stained carpet and the cracks in my share house ceiling clearly visible behind me an my worn, casual clothing threatened to ruin my new shtick and undermine all the clever references to wines and villas I’d rehearsed for Skype. And my boat is at the dry cleaners... My time as an online millionaire playboy was over before it had even started.

To be honest, I’m not sure the wealthy or beautiful online dating scene was for me. As Seeking Millionaire advises, ‘if you are just ordinary, other dating websites will probably work for you.’ RSVP here I come.

SEEMS LEGIT Editors’ choice: www.marrymesugardaddy.com Apparently, there are 5,345 online members in Kincumber, New South Wales!

Unfortunately, we don’t know where that is.

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BULL USUONLINE.COM ENTERTAINMENT

We Are the Music Makers BEAT THE SYSTEM’S ANGUS FARRELL PUTS THE AUSTRALIAN MUSIC SCENE UNDER THE MICROSCOPE.

“Unwillingness to take risks is exactly what the Australian music scene does not need.”

I

f there is one point you take away from this article, let it be the immense feeling of excitement for music in Sydney, and indeed Australia at the moment.

There is a renaissance, of sorts, if you will. It’s mirrored by an immense energy exhibited by our local musicians, DJs, producers, promoters, radio presenters, bloggers, and the countless others involved in the creative and distributive process.

The festival season descended again this summer, bringing with it a veritable plethora of international artists of all ilks and creeds.

We have seen more and more underground electronic and dub talent supported by the likes of Subsonic festival, for example, whilst international rock star DJs manned the decks over at the touring Stereosonic festival. Live and direct from Ibiza, no less!

Unfortunately, festivals in Australia tend to replicate a particular scene which already exists elsewhere and generally, line-ups seem to reflect the personal taste of the particular promoter that happens to be booking the acts. To be fair, this isn’t necessarily dire as we do get to see great artists in some truly lush settings (think of Musica at Tumbalong Park, Falls Festival in Lorne and Marion Bay and the assorted Kekahuma events).

However, it has slowly become apparent that the talent these sorts of events are attracting is riding a second wave of hype, usually on the back of a sophomore album that often struggles to live up to the glory of the first. Picking up artists as they ride that wave has proven to be lucrative as people are more likely to know about them and pay to see them live, but it does diminish the promoter’s reputation for being cutting edge.

This unwillingness to take risks is exactly what the Australian music scene does not

THE ARTS FINALBULL.indd 38

need. The general lament for the dwindling local music scene is palpable. Nonetheless, there is little consensus amongst people involved with bringing fresh talent from our streets, interstate and overseas over what will work.

Then again, now may be the time to bring to mind the words of Tony Wilson, aka Mr Manchester, to remind us that music should be of quality, but not necessarily local: “This is good stuff, where did you get it from?” to which Shaun Ryder (of Happy Mondays fame) replies, “Mate of mine brought it back from Barbados…”

Thankfully, it’s not all doom and gloom. Let us look back on 2011 with a fond smile as the year of the rise and rise of HTRK, the explosion of Gotye, and the birth of The Middle East’s first full album.

The stellar line-ups of Big Day Out and Homebake over the summer are a testament to the growing scope of not only the Australian music scene, but also music consumption in Australia.

And it’s not over yet. March will see the arrival of Playground Weekender and Future Music Festival on Australian shores, bringing with them a spectacular array of popular electronic acts both new and old, including some essential sideshows, namely Aphex Twin and New Order. So, fear not, Australian music is not yet on death’s door, but it’s up to us, the music makers, to bring it back to life.

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40

BULL USUONLINE.COM REVIEWS

REVIEWS CD DAYS REAL ESTATE

GIG OPETH ENMORE THEATRE

FILM WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT KEVIN LYNNE RAMSAY

Rock ‘n’ roll doesn’t usually deal in shades of the everyday and mundane – but New Jersey’s Real Estate makes suburban life seem almost something to be desired, and that isn’t easy to do. There isn’t exactly anything grand, epic or mind-blowing here on their sophomore effort, Days. But there doesn’t need to be. It’s effortless and timeless at the same time, and for that, probably 2011’s best guitarpop record.

Opener ‘Easy’ sets the pace – an upbeat cruise through chiming guitars and casual vocals about simpler days, while single ‘It’s Real’, coasts along with the simplest of guitar riffs - surging towards a breezy chorus before a swirling instrumental outro. Lead singer Martin Courtney’s delivery is almost casual in the way he sits back in the mix, letting the guitars drive the melody as much as his words.

It’s short but sweet, an example of the niche that Real Estate have carved out for themselves on the American indie-rock circuit.

Cheap nostalgia isn’t hard to find. So many bands build entire careers on rekindling the music of yesteryear. But Real Estate tap into a different kind of nostalgia: not our longing for the music of the past, but for the past itself. On Days, they look backwards fondly, with a consistent coming-of-age record that is happy to comfortably cruise along.

The black T-shirts were out in force when reigning metal kings, Opeth, took the stage at the Enmore Theatre. Unfortunately, most of these black-clad students, professionals and tradies were to be disappointed. Opeth had abandoned much of their signature melodic death metal sound in favour of a more concentrated, leaner prog sound. But don’t get me wrong. This is not to say that there wasn’t any metal... just not the kind expected to satisfy the rowdy and intoxicated crowd.

Their latest album, Heritage, had received from metal fans. In understanding that a keyboardheavy fusion album was never going to rile up the fans looking for a rerun of death metal classic, Blackwater Park, Opeth had come to the realisation that contentment is the death of creativity. Instead, Akerfeldt drolly teased his audience all night long, mocking metal’s disdain for the acoustic guitar and the tendency to use drop-D tuning to ‘turn any shitty riff into a good riff’.

However, for all those black knights with an open mind, Akerfeldt’s charms, the depth of his recent jazzy compositions and the sheer intensity of the band’s performance (possessing chops that would eat Metallica alive!) were a clear demonstration that there is at least one metal band that will not easily succumb to the drug of nostalgia.

Lynne Ramsay’s adaptation of the novel by Lionel Shriver presents a curious enigma: the life of famous travel writer, Eva Katchadourian (Tilda Swinton), has been cleaved in two by a horrific event involving her son, Kevin (Ezra Miller). The past and present are developed in tandem. Scenes of Eva struggling to bond with the difficult behaviour of her son cut suddenly and with merciless irony to scenes of her life in the aftermath of the event as she is tormented by guilt.

We Need To Talk About Kevin simplifies things a little too much.

The bounds of the plot are exposed from the outset and with little else to engage the viewer than flashy camerawork and intense editing, one’s attention is preoccupied solely with satisfying a vague curiosity concerning the foreshadowed ‘event’. The characters are reduced to functioning as explanatory props for this event and scenes which fail to further reveal the event seem like spare parts when they should seem like character development.

However, what is most frustrating about the film is the opacity of its raison d’etre. The hollowness that lies at the heart of the film, which is palpable in the one-dimensional performances of Swinton and Ezra, lets down the film’s technical power and Jonny Greenwood score. As it stands, when one finally bears witness to Kevin’s act, one is with relief: at last, I don’t have to watch any more.

GIG ARCTIC MONKEYS ENMORE THEATRE

Back on our shores to support their latest effort, Suck It And See, Sheffield’s Arctic Monkeys took the stage of the Enmore Theatre for their second date with Sydney and played a confident and welcoming set, albeit one seemingly suffering from a little touring fatigue. With some 21 songs in a little over 90 minutes, the song selection was certainly exhaustive; and while some of the more casual fans may have lamented the emphasis on new material, the band was careful to include a healthy amount of crowdpleasers from their first two albums to keep the crowd from restlessness.

So the selection was right, but the execution lacked something.

Though frontman Alex Turner has certainly become more talkative since their last visit, there was a curious lack of energy on stage.

This isn’t to say they weren’t trying; they just seemed knackered - more reliant on tight musicianship than on creative energy. Similarly the industry-standard crank-it-up‘till-it’s-mush mixing job robbed the newer songs in particular of any dynamics or subtlety, and committed the cardinal sin of turning perfect closer ‘505’ into a murky rumble whose cathartic outro was just rescued by a fine light show.

Solid then, but not spectacular.

ADAM DISNEY

JOSH WONG ANGUS REOCH

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ISSUE 01 REVIEWS

TV

Downton Abbey Season 2

41

CLASSIC COUNTDOWN 90s Cartoons

5

DARIA It’s hard to spot what made Daria

so charming. It was drab and deadpan, the animation uninspiring, the dialogue dripped with sarcasm and the characters were as flat as Daria’s voice. But these very things made it stand out. It was a particularly cynical satire of happy, squeaky clean Brady Bunch-esque suburban American life and didn’t aim to make you feel good; it made you feel smarter than everybody else. In Daria’s own words, “I don’t have low selfesteem. I just have low esteem for everyone else.”

4

ROCKO’S MODERN LIFE

Personally, Rocko creeped me out.

It gave me nightmares as a child, but you can still appreciate the quirky art direction, twisted characters and the dark, satirical sense of humour. Looking back, seeing how laden it was with sexual euphemisms and other veiled adult content, it’s a wonder it could be classified as a children’s show. I mean, its main setting, the Choked Chook, as mentioned by the show’s creator, was a direct allusion to masturbation...

P

op on a monocle, Pimm’s at the ready! Downton Abbey, last year’s periodsoap juggernaut, returns with another juicy serving of Edwardian life.

The second season picks up when the First World War has ushered in an age of loss, desperation and dramatic death in trench sequences, although gone are the days of complex characterisation and realistic romantic interludes.

The number of suspicious deaths were limited to single digits in the first season, a restraint not exercised in the second. Doubtful suicides, death by mysterious respiratory disease and heartbreak all plague the inhabitants of Grantham Estate. With such an attrition rate, it’d be a wonder if more than half the cast are left standing by season three.

Nothing spells D-R-A-M-A like O-U-I-J-A-B-O-A-R-D, especially one which supernaturally encourages romance between kissing cousins, Lady Mary and Mr Matthew Crawley. Lady Edith continues to fall in love with anyone who will give her the time of day while Lady Sybil involves herself in a multicultural love affair, much to the approbation of her entire family.

Who knew these upper-class twits could be so accepting, so modern? But it is precisely for these tug o’ the heartstring plots and thinly-veiled grafting of present-day values onto a group of sexy aristocrats that we tune in week after week.

Downton Abbey sells itself as cutting-edge period-drama and whilst it has more to offer than The Bold and the Beautiful, Mad Men it ain’t. Downton Abbey comfortably straddles the divide between high and low-brow entertainment as comfortably as the Earl of Grantham straddles his thorough-bred on a fox hunt or the naughty maid, Miss Squire, straddles every male visitor. To exemplify, the iconic and endlessly delightful Maggie Smith spends most of her time acting rings around the pretty young things playing her granddaughters. Even her imposing portrait above the mantelpiece outacts them.

That portrait deserves a BAFTA.

3

ARTHUR Featuring everyone’s favourite aardvark (yes, apparently he was an aardvark, a snout-less one it seemed), Arthur was an example of a well-balanced show. Like a good Disney movie, it was inspiring without being patronising; funny without being overly slapstick or crass and it gave you the warm and fuzzies, without oversentimentality. It taught tough life-lessons, like how to deal with the death of a pet or a grandparent with dementia in a way that was understandable to children.

2

CAPTAIN PLANET Not only did it have one of the catchiest closing credits of any show on television, a badass plot and a positive environmental message, Captain Planet actually had a surprisingly high-profile cast. Martin Sheen, Meg Ryan, Whoopi Goldberg, Jeff Goldblum and Sting, among others, voiced characters regularly. It was also the first children’s cartoon to overtly talk about sex, in a controversial episode about AIDS, starring Neil Patrick Harris.

1

POKÉMON Pokémon was – and continues to

be, far more than just a TV show. It’s a giant in a world of mice, or should I say, Snorlax in a world of Pichus. The cartoon is a spin-off of the video game, but it’s a powerhouse in its own right. With more than 14 seasons and 700 episodes to date, Pokémon has had almost double the airtime of all the other shows on this list, combined. It was simply a gold-quality show (and probably still is). The crown jewel of CheezTV, it was so good, schoolchildren would wake up at 6:30 just to watch it.

MIRANDA SMITH

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BULL USUONLINE.COM CLUB HUB

CLUB HUB Joining the SURCAS LAWRENCE MUSKITTA SWINGS

BY THE TRAPEZINGEST, ACROBATICEST, JUGGLINGEST, BALANCINGEST, TROUPE IN TOWN – SYDNEY UNI’S VERY OWN CIRCUS PERFORMANCE SOCIETY, SURCAS

H

as O-Week reignited your childhood dream of running away with the circus but you can’t drop out of uni for fear your parents will disown you?

Fear not! You can have the best of both worlds.

The Sydney University Recreation and Circus Arts Society (SURCAS, pronounced: ‘circus’ – I see what you did there...) is a fully-fledged carnival troupe that do everything you’d come to expect under a big top. Members perform in all manner of circus acts, from acrobatics, humanpyramids, aerials and trapeze to unicycling, hula-hooping, clowning, balloon-twisting and face-painting.

The Club does professional shows and can be hired out for events, but they welcome everyone to join, from the most uncoordinated gumby to world-class gymnasts.Your commitment level also doesn’t matter.You can go all the way and sell your soul to Carnival King or you can come once or twice, just to learn a neat party trick.

Jodie Cohen, who’s in her second year of a Bachelor of IT, joined the SURCAS last year.

“At first it was a bit scary not knowing anyone, but now I love it,” she says, “The people are really nice, and eager to share their knowledge and skills, and there’re a whole lot of different things to learn, making it very hard to get bored.

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It’s opened my mind to a whole new way of keeping fit that’s fun and social. I’ll keep going no matter how many times I hit my head!”

The current President of SURCAS, Hugh Wiess, is a fire-twirler and magician. When he’s not busy studying his Bachelor of Science (Biochemistry) degree, he’s practising around campus with his fellow Society-members. “We do it every year,” he says, “But this year we plan to focus on teaching newbies new skills and get them to performer-standard”.

Even the pros have accidents from time to time; how else do you become a pro anyway?

“I once set my knee on fire,” Hugh says, “I kept twirling for a bit because I was wearing thick fabric and it took a while for the heat to soak through to my skin. After five or 10 seconds someone in the audience shouted to me that I was on fire,” he says. “It was pretty cool” Apparently immolating yourself is a rite of passage in the SURCAS. Another member, Sarah Whillier, has burnt herself on a few occasions. “The last time I set myself alight, I had only bought the t-shirt I was wearing six hours before I burned holes into it,” she says, “No biggie. We have safety gear to combat it, and plenty of people ready to help.” So, in SURCAS you can pretty much burn things without mutilating yourself or getting arrested. Sounds like a pyromaniac’s wet dream.

SURCAS performs a major show every year around May. Last year they put on a clever circus rendition of Where theWild Things Are in the Red Box Theatre. They are yet to confirm what and when their major show will be this year, but if last year’s was any indicator, it’s sure to be a spectacular, awe-inspiring display of skill, strength and madhouse creativity.

This year’s O-Week seems custom made for them and they were a natural choice by the O-Week team to give a special performance at the O-Week Uncaged: Costume Party on Wednesday night. If you miss them there (and you’d better have a right proper excuse) you’ll catch them practising around campus – so don’t be shy, grab a juggling baton or three and enjoy Sydney’s very own circus on campus.

NOTE: All Clubs are constitutionally required to have Safety Guidelines and Procedures, so don’t worry, there’s no self-immolation going on in SURCAS and the Club always puts the safety of its members first!

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ISSUE 01 CLUB HUB

43

Photo by Jeremy Yao

PERFORMING ARTS Uni doesn’t mean stopping doing the things you loved before; if anything the C&S program gives you the opportunity to rediscover your love for HMS Pinafore, or the funky prowess of Bootsy Collins at the height of Parliament/Funkadelic or even Brecht’s earlier work, and really run with it. If you’re looking for some right-brain love, regardless of what stage of degree you’re up to, then check some of these out.

1

JAZZSOC – Everything from trad jazz and swing through to blues and funk can be had here. The Jazz Society runs, among other things, a big band for non-Conservatorium musicians, free weekly jazz gigs (with free drinks for members) on campus, and discounted entry to some of Sydney’s slinkiest venues (like the Basement and the 505).

Players and non-players alike are most welcome!

2

SUDS – The Sydney University Drama

Society is Australia’s longest running theatre company. It’s a springboard for aspiring actors, playwrights, directors and crew looking to keep up the drama in their lives or to discover it for the very first time. Regular shows in the Cellar Theatre are free for members to attend and cheap as for Access holders. (SUDS plays are also an excellent date night.) And yes, before you ask, they do Shakespeare sometimes.

3

MUSICAL THEATRE ENSEMBLE SYDNEY UNIVERSITY (MUSE) – All you triple threats

out there, don’t think we’d forgotten you!

This cast of stars and starlets have squeezed out seven major productions in the last two years, including HMS Pinafore, Sweeney Todd and Cabaret.

They usually run auditions early in Semester so get in fast! And remember, in the words of Neil Patrick Harris, “Broadway’s not just for gays anymore”.

4

SYDNEY UNIVERSITY SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA (SUSO) – If you happen to play the triangle

“It’s opened my mind to a whole new way of keeping fit that’s fun and social. I’ll keep going no matter how many times I hit my head!”

FINALBULL.indd 43

and want to meet a female double-bassist or a bassoon boy, this is definitely the right orchestra to join. Not only do they sound good, they are also one of the most attractive groups on campus.

Oh yeah, and they play at some impressive venues led by even more impressive conductors like Eric Gross and Peter Platt.

5

REVUE SOCIETIES – Not one society but

many. Most faculties have an annual comedy revue along with the Queer, Women's and Jewish Revues early in second semester, allowing students from that faculty to showcase their singing, dancing, acting and musical talents, or lack thereof. Revues are for fun, a place to just get up and have a go.You’ll make some friends, drink a lot of beer and maybe even learn a thing or two. Or not.

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2012 Application closing dates 2 March 13 April 4 May 1 June 6 July

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For more information contact the ACCESS Desk Level 1 Manning House, info@usu.usyd.edu.au T. 9563 6000

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20/02/12 5:41 PM

ISSUE 01 STOP. PUZZLETIME

45

STOP. PUZZLETIME WIN!

WIN A DOUBLE PASS TO FUTURE MUSIC FESTIVAL! Just when you thought this summer couldn’t get any hotter, Future Music Festival has announced a stunning supernova of fresh new stars to their already epic lineup!

Get ready to party with new wave pioneers New Order, Friendly Fires, Gym Class Heroes and galaxies more. Joining Swedish House Mafia, Fatboy Slim, Tinie Tempah, The Wombats, Skrillex, Jessie J and so many more, Future Music Festival is the biggest party this side of the sun!

For your chance to WIN a DOUBLE PASS to the show, tell us your name, contact details and favourite shape (go trapezoid!) to usubullmag@gmail.com by Thursday 1 March.

Tickets on sale now through ticketmaster.com.au For full lineup and more info go to futuremusicfestival.com.au

M

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9 3 9 8 4 7 4 8 1 6 7 1 9 3 4 6 9 8 4 2 6 1 7 9 8

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WHEEL WORDS

5

S

S

D A

O N

I

Create as many words of 4 letters or more using the given letters once only but always including the middle letter. Do not use proper names or plurals. See if you can find the 9-letter word using up all letters.

8 GOO D

12 VERY GOO D

16+ EXCELLENT

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BULL USUONLINE.COM THE BULL PEN

THE BULL PEN University FTW! JING FU SHOWS YOU HOW TO SUCCEED AS A FIRST YEAR UNIVERSITY STUDENT

B

y now, you’ve been bombarded with information about lectures and tutorials, and you’ve discovered that your classes aren’t happening in Hogwarts (the Quadrangle), but in Soviet Carslaw, or the tin shed that is the Transient building. But what else do you need to know? We’ve got you covered with a real how-to guide to university life.* *Follow at your own risk.

Be Academic!

“Classic Dostoevsky!”

HOW TO SLEEP IN LECTURES Dark sunnies and a hat? Rookie mistake.You want to blend in, not look like a serial killer. Most of the lecture spaces at Sydney Uni are on an incline (Eastern Ave, Carslaw, Law, Merewether etc), so head near the back and strategically position yourself to avoid your lecturer’s line of sight. Plus use some cover by sitting behind a tall person, using a massive laptop or piling up textbooks and course readers.

HOW TO WRITE AN ESSAY IN LESS THAN 24 HOURS Find out your tutor’s speciality, and stay away. Don’t do your essay on Hamlet if your tutor is nuts about Shakespeare – take Ovid’s Metamorphoses instead. Struggling to reach the word count? Remember, repetition is the key – repeat your main argument at the start and end of every paragraph. And finally, formatting is your friend. Use a large font and increase those margins!

HOW TO SOUND SMART IN YOUR TUTORIAL Learn at least the names of the readings.

That way, no matter what your classmates are discussing, you can add “Ah, but how does [insert name] address this issue?” Mention how the topic relates to the current world affairs, eg: “It’s interesting how the current European financial crisis/conflict in the Middle East/situation with the refugees is affected by these matters, don’t you think?”You’ll sound impressive for being able to draw connection between the tutorial and a recent event.

Drop names and quip how their views have influenced the topic area. Try Foucault (FooKOE), Kierkegaard (KEER-key-guard), Nietzsche (NEE-cha), Camus (Ca-MOO) or Dostoevsky (Dost-ta-YEF-ski) to flaunt your knowledge (and your pronunciation).

Be Popular!

HOW TO DRESS LIKE A HIPSTER First, make sure all your clothes come from Vinnies or your grandparent’s wardrobe. Find jeans that are a size too small, and ironic t-shirts with pop culture references that are a size too

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big. If you’re a girl, don’t bother washing your hair. If you’re a guy, don’t bother shaving. Wear glasses even if you don’t need them, and wear sunnies even if it’s raining and you’re inside.

HOW TO MAKE FRIENDS IN YOUR TUTORIALS Bring Oreos to tutorials. Pass around the Oreos.

Anyone who doesn’t take an Oreo doesn’t deserve to be your friend.

HOW TO MAKE OUT IN THE LIBRARY The main Camperdown/Darlington campus contains 7 libraries. While the upper levels of Fisher offer sweeping panoramic views of Sydney, smaller libraries like Badham or Schaeffer may offer more privacy. When selecting the make out spot, look for dim lighting, empty aisles, and stairwells (just don’t block the fire exits). These Dewey decimal sections are likely to be empty: 518 Numerical analysis; 560 Paleontology; 713 Landscape architecture of trafficways; or 920 Biography, genealogy, insignia. But for more tantalising risk, with a much more inspiring and romantic atmosphere, try: 176 Ethics of sex and reproduction; 440 Romance languages, French; or the classic 821 English poetry. Whatever you do, remember to respect the books!

Be Professional!

HOW TO MAKE YOUR BORING PART-TIME JOB SOUND IMPRESSIVE Many of us simply put up with that crappy job because we desperately need the money. But, it’s always an embarrassing little stint, especially when you meet business school types. So, take a leaf from their book and optimise - put your creativity to use when you next update your CV. Check-out chick at K-Mart? You ‘coordinated order fulfilment’ as a ‘sales associate’. Babysitter?

You’re a ‘child development consultant’.

Lawn mower? You landscaped for private clients. Mailroom lackey? You ‘organised important communications to ‘major company stakeholders’. Serving at Macca’s? You ‘provided exceptional customer service to a diverse client base in a fast-paced environment’.

Now that’s pro.

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