BULL Magazine 2014 Issue 1

ISSUE 01, 2014 / FREE

THE A-Z OF STARTING AT USYD / OFF-BEAT STUDENT HOUSING / FIRESTARTERS / VENTURING BEYOND CAMPUS / TUMBLEWEED HOTEL

EVERYTHING A STUDENT NEEDS FOR

EVERYDAY

CENTRAL PARK SHOPPING CENTRE

80 BROADWAY, CHIPPENDALE 2008

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facebook.com/DaisoAustraliaOfficial

@mydaiso

ISSUE 01 CONTENTS

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CONTENTS EDITORS Eden Caceda Katie Davern Sophie Gallagher Melanie Kembrey Rob North Sean O’Grady

FEATURES

THE A-Z OF STARTING AT USYD 10 A HOLE IN THE WALL 13 PLAYING WITH FIRE 18 THE STUDENT'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY A SHAKESPEAREAN SOJOURN 32 REGULARS What’s On 04 Editorial & Board 06 Letters 07 Opinion 09 Interview 17 Taste 22 Go 23 Move 24 Learn 25 The Time I Tried 31 Campus Fashion 35 Vox & Classic Countdown 36 Cow & Horns 37 Arts 39 Reviews 40 Experience 41 Club Confidential 42 Shutter Up 44 Comics 45 Ask Isabella 46

/BULLMAG

/USUBULLMAG

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CONTRIBUTORS Amelia Adams-Acton, Alisha AitkenRadburn, Liam Carrigan, Kade Denton, Whitney Duan, Laura Hanlon, Pierce Hartigan, James Hennessy, Rebecca Karpin, Michael Koziol, Rachel McGinty, Zoe Morse,Virat Nehru, Erin Rooney, Emily Shen, Vanessa Song, Katie Stow, Louisa Studman PHOTOGRAPHERS Molly Dektar Whitney Duan Vincent Power PUBLICATIONS MANAGER Louisa Stylian DESIGN MANAGER Jeanette Kho DESIGN Simon Macias CONTACT usubullmag@gmail.com facebook.com/bullmag @usubullmag usu.edu.au/bullmag The views expressed in this publication are not necessarily the views of the USU. The information contained within this edition of BULL was correct at the time of printing.

This publication is brought to you by the University of Sydney Union ISSUE 01, 2014

WRITE FOR US! Whether you’re a budding student journalist or have a random idea that could be a great story, email us and you could get published here. usubullmag@gmail.com

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BULL USU.EDU.AU WHAT'S ON

WHAT'S ON FOR THE FULL CALENDAR OF EVENTS – HEAD TO USU.EDU.AU AND CLICK THE CALENDAR. CLUBS AND SOCS – REMEMBER TO SUBMIT YOUR EVENTS ON THE WEBSITE!

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TUE

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THU

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INTERNATIONAL O-WEEK

INTERNATIONAL O-WEEK WELCOME TO SYDNEY PARTY MANNING BAR, 7PM

O-WEEK BULL FIESTA: HERMANN'S BAR 3PM FORAGER’S MARKETS: FOOD TRUCKS AND DISNEY MOVIES, MANNING FORECOURT,5PM LET THE WILD RUMPUS START! O-WEEK OPENING NIGHT PARTY MANNING BAR, 7PM

O-WEEK USU SCAVENGER HUNT, 2.30PM MONKEY BUSINESS COMEDY NIGHT MACLAURIN HALL, 7PM

O-WEEK DR KARL ON THE WORLD OF SCIENCE, BASE CAMP, 12PM ANIMALIA BAND NIGHT MANNING BAR, 7PM

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FUNCH EASTERN AVENUE, 12–2PM

SNAKADAKTAL MANNING BAR, 7PM

TGIF (TELL GRADS IT’S FRIDAY) DRINKS HERMANN’S BAR, 5PM

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MARKETS EASTERN AVENUE, 9AM-4PM SUPERHEROES AND VILLIANS PARTY MANNING BAR, 8PM

BIG SCARY MANNING BAR, 8PM

WK 1 (MARCH)

O-WEEK (FEBRUARY)

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WK 2 (MARCH)

10

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WK 3 (MARCH)

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WK 4 (MARCH)

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FUNCH EASTERN AVENUE, 12–2PM

KINGSWOOD MANNING BAR, 8PM

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USU DEBATING EASTERS TRIALS

INTERFAITH FESTIVAL STARTS

INTERFAITH FESTIVAL MARKETS EASTERN AVENUE, 9–4PM 90s PARTY MANNING BAR,8PM

INTERFAITH FESTIVAL

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ISSUE 01 WHAT'S ON

EVERY WEEK MONDAY – FRIDAY

MONDAY SOLO SESSIONS 1-2pm, Manning Bar

THURSDAY

SCHOOL TUTORING

THEATRESPORTS® 1-2pm, Manning BarBar

3-6pm, International Student Lounge

$3.50 HAPPY HOUR 4-6pm, Manning Bar and Hermann’s Bar

BINGO 5-6pm, Manning Bar

TUESDAY

POOL COMPETITION

WEDNESDAY FORTNIGHTLY MARKETS 9am-4pm, Eastern Avenue

MUST SEE

BANDS & DJS

SNAKADAKTAL

5.30pm, Hermann’s Bar

$3.50 HAPPY HOUR

WEEKLY FUNCH (FUN @ LUNCH) 12-2pm, Eastern Ave

TRIVIA

TUESDAY TV

4-6pm, International Student Lounge

12-5pm, Manning

5-6pm, Manning Bar

AUSTRALIAN DISCUSSION GROUP

GET UP! STAND UP! COMED

4-6pm, Manning Bar and Hermann’s Bar

FRIDAY DJS 4-7pm, Hermann’s Bar

3-4pm, Level 4 Wentworth Building

1-2pm, Manning Bar

3.50 HAPPY HOUR

$3.50 HAPPY HOUR

GET UP! STAND UP! 5-6pm, Manning

4-6pm, Manning Bar and Hermann’s Bar

4-6pm, Manning Bar and Hermann’s Bar

$3.50 HAPPY HOUR

PROJECT 52 COMEDY

4-6pm, Manning Bar and Hermann’s Bar

7.30-10.30pm, Hermann’s Bar

1ST FRIDAY OF THE MONTH - TGIF (TELL GRADS IT’S FIRDAY) DRINKS 5-7pm, Hermann’s Bar

WITH THE TROUBLE WITH TEMPLETON + SURES + CHELA + LEWI MCKIRDY + BASENJI Thursday 6 March, 2014 7pm, Manning Bar // +18 First week back at uni and already falling asleep in lectures? Well… come party with us! Join your fellow students at Manning Bar and bring in the new semester with some good times. The night’s lineup is full of Aussie bands including the amazing Snakadaktal, Brissie band The Trouble With Templeton and surf-pop 4-piece SURES. But wait, there’s more: Chela, Lewi McKirdy and Basenji will also be playing!

ACCESS: $15+bf / Non-ACCESS: $20+bf Tickets from manningbar.com

COMING UP 26 FEB

LET THE WILD RUMPUS START! ANIMALIA FEAT. JINJA SAFARI + ELIZABETH ROSE + TOUCH SENSITIVE

28 FEB

13 MAR

FEAT. TIGERLILY

6 MAR 12 MAR

manningbar.com

14 MAR

SNAKADAKTAL FEAT. THE TROUBLE WITH TEMPLETON SUPERHEROES VS VILLAINS PARTY /Manningbarsydney

BIG SCARY

FEAT. THIEVES

DEKE DICKERSON 15 MAR

20 APR @Manningbar

ICED EARTH KINGSWOOD FEAT. CALLING ALL CARS

#manningbar

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BULL USU.EDU.AU EDITORIAL

FROM THE EDITORS EDEN, KATIE, SOPHIE, MELANIE, ROB, SEAN

BOARD Q&A: HANNAH MORRIS USU PRESIDENT B: Given that the Union frequently makes decisions that have political ramifications, do you consider the Union to be a political body?

HM: First and foremost, the role of the Union is to provide the best student experience possible for all students. We do this through facilitating a diverse range of leadership opportunities and clubs and societies; and providing entertainment, food and

WE ARE, as are you, another year older and another year closer to death (gainful employment). For those of you coming back, we hope you enjoy reading this rather than paying attention in useless introductory lectures.

For those first years amongst you: shut your laptop, put down that pen and start reading this.

BULL this year is a little bit sexier and a little bit sleeker. We locked our designer in a room for 12 hours a day and refused him sick leave.

As a result, we are prettier than ever (thanks Simon).

We are also proud to be featuring more original photography and comics

this year, in addition to our continued tradition of quality journalism and design.

University can be so much more than the classes you attend in pursuit of the job of your dreams. If nothing else, you will probably realise that dentistry is not the creative haven you thought it was. If we jaded, (hopelessly) aspirant writers can impart any wisdom, it is to immerse yourself fully in university life.

Make the most of your fleeting youth and, if the fancy strikes, contribute to the pages of this magazine.

beverage outlets, and spaces for students to enjoy. As Board Directors, we are bound by our Constitution and Regulations to make decisions in the best interests of the membership as a whole, not just a particular group of students. In this respect, the Union is not an inherently political body. That being said, when acting in the interests of the membership as a whole requires the Union to make necessarily political decisions, such as on women’s and queer issues, issues concerning environmental sustainability, and of course opposing VSU, the Union does engage in activities of a political nature.

USU, which provides the Senate with reserve powers in situations where there are electoral, financial or governance irregularities within the USU. As far as I am aware, these reserve powers are rarely used, and exist to safeguard against instances of fraud, corruption and other Constitutional breaches.

B: At a recent hearing of Raue vs. Morris a barrister representing the Union remarked that it is not a purely democratic institution.What are your thoughts on this?

HM: I would like to preface this by saying that as I am not a member of the USU’s legal team, I cannot presume the context within which that statement was made or what argument it was being made in as part of or in response to. I assume what you are referring to is the University Senate regulations pertaining to particular student organisations, including the

B: Do you believe that Senate control over a student organisation is appropriate?

HM: I would not go so far as to say the Senate “controls” the Union – for the most part the Union operates completely independently from the University Senate.

We pride ourselves on having a Board of Directors where 11 of the 13 positions elected are student directors; this is in contrast to a lot of other student Unions where their Boards have a majority of Senate fellows or University administrators filling director positions. The Union also has retained control of our commercial operations – a strong indicator of our independence from the University – despite the University’s intentions to take it over in 2011.

ISSUE 01 7 LETTERS & PICK OF THE MONTH

LETTERS WARRANTED PRAISE As someone who has recently read the last two issues of BULL magazine on a second by second basis, I offer my sincere congratulations, and hope that any and all following ventures deliver more than they can promise! If there is one thing I can safely write about, it’s that my 20 years have been ridden on a rolling wave of literature unmatched. So I also thank you (as a reader) for giving back to articles and words what they’ve been slowly losing and that is funny, engaging, and unique stories.

By writing and exposing pure gold within the minutes of the mundane, you have given people the power to see the world through the words of a generation that will endure through the heart of time. ~ Mason Marcobello, Arts II Eds: Mason, we think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

SOCCER FOOTBALL What is wrong with Soccer Football in Australia? Soccer Football is still living in the 20th Century SBS Special Broadcasting Service Age! Soccer is a World Game of Two Separate Regions!

There are two worlds of World Soccer Football! Firstly, there is the Advanced Soccer World of South America and Europe. Secondly, there is everyone else namely Asia, Africa, North America, and Oceania!! Hence there should be A Super World Cup for the nations of Europe and South America with an Ordinary World Cup for all other countries like Asia, Africa, Oceania and North America!!

Soccer Football is NOT The World Game!!

That is SEX!

inexplicably tied to cultural norms that have been thrust upon us since birth, there’s little we can do to cut ourselves loose”. So what’s left to do? To keep fancying as we have always done but now to feel guilty about doing so. To continue to have certain preferences which have apparently been built into us, but now to experience them as racist fetishisations.

We must flagellate ourselves in an eternal process of privilege checking which extends not only to our social attitudes but now to our very desires. So what has been the effect of this article? Nothing: except that it adds an extra layer of guilt onto our existing practices without calling on us to change them. It defers the utopian dream of an indiscriminatory desire indefinitely and makes us feel bad for the biases we currently inherit. ~ Anonymous Eds: We’re sorry to hear we’ve caused you such sexual angst. We can only guess from this letter what you’re into, but rest assured no judgement here.

RE: SEX AFTER 60 I just wanted to say that I thought the ‘sex after 60’ article was excellent. So good to read something thought-provoking and well written and I liked how it looked at LGBT issues as well, as they often aren’t considered! Was really impressed that a student wrote it. It thought it could easily be published in a weekend magazine. ~ Katherine Eds: Thanks Katherine – it’s wonderful to hear you enjoyed the piece. And if you’re over 60, you go girl.

~ Jane Wallace Eds: Good point, well made. Five stars.

RE: GETTING RACY According to ‘Getting Racy’, the previous feature on “sexual racism”, we should reflect upon and discuss our inherent sexual preferences especially where racial divides are evident. But to what end? So that we may alter our desires in conformity with our distaste for discrimination?

Obviously not, because it is admitted that “despite knowing that who we fancy is

BULL WANTS TO HEAR FROM YOU Tell us about the stories you shared with your friends or those you placed on the bottom of your budgie cage. Or just write and let us know you’re lonely.

Email usubullmag@gmail.com

CASUAL DOG What’s that dog doing, I hear you ask?

I’ll tell you what he’s not doing: anything.

He’s casual dog. He’s just chillin’ because that’s what casual dog does.

Here are some things you need to know about casual dog: he straight up doesn’t wear pants to the office on Fridays.

He puts bananas in the top of his shopping cart. That’s if he feels like shopping at all.

He might, he might not. He keeps it casual.

He’s never booked a restaurant, called ahead for anything or signed any form of contract. He doesn’t even have a bank account. If you dared to throw a ball at cas (alternatively caj) dog, he’d just look at you and be like “relax mate”.

I think everyone agrees that he’s really inspirational and should be the guiding philosophy for the rest of our lives.

If you’re a first year student who worked hard at high school and won a spot you don’t really want in law, you’re going to need to stop that kind of over achieving behaviour. Casual dog does not approve.

It’s not casual to hand in assignments early, to sign up to every single club or to email your lecturers for additional reading materials. If this sounds like something you might be tempted to do, you should print off casual dog’s picture and tell yourself to be casual. Not that he would say anything, casual dog doesn’t care that much.

History would be very different if more people had adopted casual dog as their philosophy. Stalin, Hitler, Mussolini would not have been bothered. The Ku Klux Klan would have taken off their hoods and had a good night’s sleep instead.

Here are casual dog’s last few Facebook posts: “woof ”, “ah yes time for a relaxing nap”, “why so serious”, “time to chill” and “yoooooooo calm down”. You can contact him directly at facebook.com/ casualdog but please don’t be upset if he doesn’t reply.

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10/02/2014

1:28 pm

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ISSUE 01 OPINION

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OPINION UNFAIR AND UNPAID: MECO3671

ALISHA AITKEN-RADBURN Imagine working three weeks, 140 hours, full-time. You would be pretty excited when payday rolls around. Except in this scenario, you end up paying the University of Sydney $733 to do it. That’s the reality you face when completing Internship units in undergraduate degrees like the Bachelor of (Arts) Media and Communications, Government and Business focused degrees and many postgraduate courses, from Art Curating to Health Communication.

In the Media and Communications Department, the Internship unit consists of a main work placement that has little to no interaction with the University. The department has a fantastic internship coordinator who assists students to find opportunities but other than this there are very little other contact hours.

LOVE ME TINDER

RACHEL MCGINTY I am about to do something that I never thought I would do. I am admitting a secret I was going to carry to the grave - I met my boyfriend on Tinder.

Yes I carry a Tinder secret, and it’s something I have to constantly deal with because at heart, I am a diehard romantic. It seems that in the world of apps, we’ve forgotten how to meet people. I’ve never seen a film where the girl was swept off her feet by a Facebook message, even if it did include cute Emojis. I can’t get my head around Twitter proposals and I constantly

There are no lectures and no tutorials.

Students then hand in a 2000 word journal reflecting on the internship, which is then assessed by the department.

I think it’s about time the University receives a little refresher course on how tertiary education usually functions.

Universities provide learning environments in the form of resources, tutors and lecturers.

In exchange we provide payment which remunerates academics and contributes to the cost of resources.

We don’t pay for the Uni to outsource our learning. Nor do we accept that once they send us elsewhere for our education that they then give casual staff the equivalent cost of a Thai La-Ong lunch special to mark an assessment.

When you consider the difficulty some students have balancing Uni, paid employment and living costs, a compulsory internship for which you cough up $733, places unfair pressure on some students.

On top of this, some students can get stuck with a really awful internship. Previous graduates have shifted around subjects and in some cases failed in order to squeeze an internship into their busy lives. And, having made these sacrifices are left to do ubiquitous coffee runs and reword articles from The Guardian.

It is this polarisation of expectations and experiences that make the fact that you pay for the unit of study problematic.

I am pro-internship. It is an absolute necessity in a number of industries to put in the hard yards and do some unpaid work.

And personally, I have had some amazing experiences doing work experiences and internships. Other have made me want to shoot myself in the face (see: licking envelopes for a full day at CHOICE Magazine).

Students deserve credit points for internships because they have achieved particular academic outcomes like communication skills and time management. Not because they can afford to foot the bill.

cringe at E-Harmony ads. Why is it that the easiest way to meet people is by interacting with a screen?

I’m so happy I met Luke, but I do wish I met him a different way, and I just can’t bring myself to tell people the truth. According to a few inebriated thinking sessions, we met in Fisher library, he slid a cute note across the table, got my number and asked me out a week later.

Let’s be honest, that makes him sound a lot more suave than he actually is. In reality, we looked at five photos, read a tagline, saw that we had the same taste in music and swiped right; something straight out of a Nicholas Sparks novel.

However, it seems all of our effort was for nothing. People found out and couldn’t care less. I even had a friend who after hearing this, admitted that Tinder allowed him to spread his man-slut wings and find a girl to bang for every

day of the week (except on Sunday, because a man needs his rest). Another friend told me how he managed to get three dates in a week and he couldn’t be prouder.

I just don’t buy it though. Am I the only one that thinks ‘online dating’ and ‘Gen Y’ is an oxymoron? Sure we’re the generation of technology, but when I think of online dating I think of my friend’s 50-year-old mum who met her husband on Christian Mingle. I think of creepy men who use it like Craigslist. I think of my friend who uses it as his day planner for sex. Even though it somehow worked out for me, I may have read one too many Jane Austen novels. There should be some sort of real life contact involved in this process.

Be old-fashioned, ditch the app and actually have a conversation with people – you never know who you’ll meet!

10 BULL USU.EDU.AU FEATURE

LECTURES AND TUTORS AND BEER, OH MY! NEVER FEAR, KATIE DAVERN IS HERE TO HOLD YOUR HAND. WHETHER YOU’RE A FRESH-FACED university newbie or a returning soldier, starting Semester 1 can be tough. That European holiday your parents paid for seems decades ago and you’re slapped in the face with the reality of not knowing the name of your subjects, let alone being in an adequate mental state to recommence learning something other than every scene of Breaking Bad. Last year, BULL helped answer age-old questions on topics like dying online, stage mums and ethnic foods white people like.

To get the 'bull' rolling this year, we’ve decided to give you all the answers you need to survive the first couple of weeks at uni. You’re welcome.

A: ARTS STUDENT If only one thing is certain in your degree, it’s that studying at Sydney Uni will make everyone you tell, without a moment’s hesitation, assume you’re a lazy, good-fornothing Arts student. And this very well may be true, but it also may be quite false

(hello Science and Eengineering students).

In any case, BULL advises you to embrace the stereotype and thank the gods of Cultural Studies and Philosophy for giving you a uni week of only two days.

their studies. Instead of having that existential crisis, speak to your unit coordinator and you’ll be able to work something out.

B: BOSCH

Doing an exchange during your degree can be one of the most rewarding experiences of your student life. Unlike a holiday, you’ll get a real feel for the country of your choice and unlike a permanent move, you get to muck around under the guise of “study” and get to come back home at the end of it!

(BULL Tip #2: There’s no EXCH1001 class, so look into it early in your degree if it’s something you want to do and plan your studies around it.)

Bosch is that little, obscurely placed dot on your clean USYD map, designed to torture students who have just come back from a three month break doing absolutely zero physical activity. Situated in the Middle of Nowhere, you’ll probably have at least one class in Bosch during your time at Sydney Uni, and we wish your little legs good luck with that.

C: COFFEE The liquid black gold that runs the world, also runs Sydney Uni, but in a more palatable reincarnation – coffee. If you’re not a coffee-drinker, you’d best be set to change your ways. No really, if it’s not the peer pressure, it’ll be that week you have three assessments due every day. (BULL Tip #1: Ease into your coffee adventures with a chocolate-y mocha.)

D: DEFERRING AND TRANSFERRING If, after the first few weeks of uni, your course just isn’t cutting it for you, don’t fret!

It isn’t uncommon for school-leavers to transfer degrees in their first year or even defer a semester or two throughout

E: EXCHANGE

F: FISHER LIBRARY The only place on earth (or maybe just in Sydney) that doubles its inhabitants only in the months of June and October.

At some stage you will probably have to borrow a book or, perhaps more likely, meet a friend there, so acquaint yourself.

(BULL Tip #3: The perfect place for a quick nap is the reserve section, under the wall shelves on a not-so-fluffy-but-still-good patch of carpet. Ahh. 9/10 nap stars.)

G: GRADES BULL’s going to make this nice and simple for you: Try to attend tutorials/seminars/

ISSUE 01 11 FEATURE

labs 80 per cent of the time and you should be fine (unless you have 100 per cent attendance lab requirements or something crazy like that). Handing things in late will result in a two per cent late penalty per weekday, unless your faculty is a bit nasty and deducts ten per cent every weekday – it’s a good idea to look into that if you’re not sure. (BULL Tip #4: Despite all of the above, there’s a neat little thing called the simple extension. We’ll just leave that there...)

H: HOW TO MEET SOMEONE AT UNI

Making friends is only easy for about 0.01 per cent of the uni population so don’t worry if your introductory conversation runs a little short, you’re in the majority. Just be open to making new friends and watch how they fly to you like bees to honey. Clubs and Societies can help you break the ice.

I: IBIS

Beware of the white and grey winged creature that haunts garbage bins and vulnerable first years. It will stare at you and inch closer to you, pretending to adjust its feathers. But don’t let its grimy layers fool you. The ibis is after your food. Always.

J: JACARANDA TREES

There are two jacaranda trees at Sydney University; one in the Quad and one just outside Manning. There’s a lame saying about being ready for exams by the time the jacaranda sprouts its lilac flowers, but BULL just thinks the trees are pretty, hence the inclusion. (BULL Tip #5: Please don’t send us photos of the jacaranda trees... we have plenty)

K: KNOWLEDGE

O: O-WEEK

U: UNI BROTHERS

The three days where you’ll sign up to way more clubs than you ever intend on committing to because stall staff can sometimes be persuasive, or else the free chocolate and lollies in their membership bags had you at hello. Join in and be merry!

Located in the Wentworth food court, Uni Brothers are famous for their cheap, hunger-busting meals, the most notable of which is the Meat Box. A Uni Brothers Meat Box contains gigantic proportions of meat, rice and chips; enough to make your arteries quiver in equal amounts of fear and excitement. You’re basically a legend if you finish a Meat Box and a human if you don’t.

P: POLITICS, STUDENT POLITICS There are a few rounds of student elections every year, mainly for the SRC and for the USU Board. Be prepared for an onslaught of colourful flyers, overly-friendly campaigners and over-used slogans. By the end of the first week, you will probably have mastered all the methods on how to avoid campaigners.

(BULL Tip #6: Be nice to campaigners, 90 per cent probably enjoy the experience just as much as you do... i.e. not a lot.)

Q: QUIDDITCH If you are a first year or have managed to avoid the Internet and breakfast TV for all of 2013 (a distinct possibility), you may not know that Sydney Uni has its very own Quidditch Club! USYD is slowly catching up to Hogwarts, one quaffle at a time.

R: READINGS To do one’s readings or to pretend to do one’s readings; that is the question that will confront you during your first semester.

Whether you read your set weekly readings or you don’t, at some stage you will be required to feign some knowledge of them, so be prepared to flex those bullshit muscles.

(BULL Tip #7: and it’s probably advisable to have a flick through your reader before your exams at the very least.)

S: SCI-TECH LIBRARY

There are lots of well-kept lawns for you to sprawl out on in between classes.

From the Quad Lawns to the Law Lawns, from the Engineering Lawns to the squiggly chairs on Cadigal Green – there’s a lawn for every occasion!

The library where students can eat, drink and be merry. Perfect if your stomach is aching for nutrients but your brain is also demanding some kind of information before it enters a mid-semester exam in the next two hours. Now prepare yourself for some nerdy library low-down: if a quiet library is what you’re after, try Badham Library near the Holme building or else, pretend you’re a Fine Arts student in the beautiful Schaeffer Library around the corner from Manning.

M & N: MANNING VS. HERMANNS

T: THEATRESPORTS

Be prepared to fill up on a good dose of knowledge. University is the place for it and your brain will thank you after its three months of idleness.

L: LAWNS

The two main watering holes of Sydney University quench the thirsts of the masses on a daily basis. Societal rules about it being too early to drink don’t really exist on campus, which will be a plus for some. For the non-drinkers, both bars are pretty great venues for University events and live music.

For some, it’s a Thursday lunch ritual.

For others, it’s a reason to avoid Manning and all the comedic fools that stumble in and out of your favourite uni bar between 12.30-2.30pm. It is something you should experience at least once, even if student comedy ain’t really your thing.

V: VERGE FESTIVAL Verge Festival happens every year during semester two and is impossible to miss. Think dynamic art installations, Harry Potter trivia in The Great Hall (yes), comedy nights galore and a sizeable dose of affordable live music, Verge Festival reinvigorates Sydney Uni in the last part of the year – when everyone needs it most.

W: WINTER AND SUMMER SCHOOL Not for the faint-hearted, winter and summer school is definitely the best way to catch up on units that you may have failed or simply forgot to do. It will be a fair chunk of your holidays dedicated to studying so make sure you’re prepared to commit.

X: XX – SERVICES FOR WOMEN ON CAMPUS If you are passionate about women’s issues or just want to be surrounded by people who are very likely to have the same views on the issue, join the Women’s Collective.

Run by the SRC Women’s Officers, they have regular meetings and can provide you with a heap of resources, services and support. Plus, the Women’s Room on Level 1 at Manning is a safe space to chill out and it always has an open door.

Y: YOUTH Your university years are some of the best in your life (what job will give you a threemonth holiday?) so make the most of it.

Go to those uni events, try your best to get involved and let your interests lead the way – savour your youth!

Z: ZERO MONEY Yep, you’ll realise quite soon that the ‘poor uni student’ stereotype is unfortunately a universal truth. While you will become a master at scouting out free food and events, there will be some university fun that comes with a price tag. Along with your mother, BULL thinks it might be a good idea for you to get a job. Start your search at Sydney Uni’s CareerHub – it’s not so scary!

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ISSUE 01 13 FEATURE

A HOLE IN THE WALL SEAN O’GRADY COULDN’T LIVE LIKE THIS, BUT HE’S GLAD HIS FRIENDS DO.

I WAKE UP ON A COUCH. A hot autumn sun has me peeling head and limbs from leather. As I contemplate the dull ache in my head, not yet ready to move, a stranger walks into the dwelling affectionately known as The Depot (named for the tour buses often parked in their front yard). It is the landlord. He enquires about the size of our night (medium), the location of the others (asleep), and whether or not I was hanging around to help put up a ceiling in the living room.

14 BULL USU.EDU.AU FEATURE

MARLENA, A PERFORMANCE ARTIST, UTILISING WHAT BOOKER DESCRIBES AS HER “LA GRIFTER SKILLS”, SIMPLY PICKED UP A HANDFUL OF THE POWDER, MARCHED IT ACROSS PARRAMATTA ROAD, AND DUMPED IT ON THE COUNTER OF THE (CONVENIENTLY) LOCAL ASBESTOS REMOVAL SPECIALISTS. A couple of months before this, my friends came home one night to find a new room-mate living there. They had received no word from the landlord, and had no idea who he was. As it turned out, he had been living there previously and had simply re-appeared. They quickly became firm friends, but one has to wonder what other events could have transpired.

The Cozy Castle started in early 2011. Situated on Parramatta Road, from the outside it was easily mistaken for an abandoned commercial lot, left decrepit as leases in the Inner West became too steep. And it was exactly that when people first moved in. The process of turning it into a space that could be lived in was fraught. Michael Booker, a UNSW Arts student, helped set up and later lived in The Cozy Castle (with no rooms left, he simply built a new one himself). He tells of a room that was filled ankle high with a mysterious green powder. Residents were worried that it might be asbestos. With no ability to claim expenses for cleaning and testing the powder (legally speaking nobody was allowed to live there) a group of students and artists were understandably at a loss with what to do. Marlena, a performance artist, utilising what Booker describes as her “LA grifter skills”, simply picked up a handful of the powder, marched it across Parramatta Road, and dumped it on the

counter of the (conveniently) local asbestos removal specialists.

The powder remained unidentified, but was declared safe.

This anecdote is indicative of a sub-culture that often goes unacknowledged in cities around the world. People move into these places because they are comparatively cheap when compared with other rental accommodation, and offer huge swathes of freedom. What they also get are unforeseeable dangers, to which they have limited means of recourse.

Tenants find themselves trapped in a catch-22. Landlords who lease illegal dwellings have no incentive to fix things that are broken or dangerous. And tenants cannot appeal to the Residential Tenancies Act, because they don’t live in a residential building, and risk fines if they are found out.

Ben and Alicia live in two rooms behind the Martin Luther King Jr. mural in Newtown. Ben lived there first, in a loft bed above the kitchen. Alicia, his partner, moved into the main bedroom with Ben when his former housemate returned to America. They run an open house. People call by to kill time, to plan short films, to eat take away food they picked up along King Street or to have a couple of drinks. Planks of wood straddle milk crates and form seats. Recently, the complex pooled funds for an inflatable pool. The water quickly turned stagnant. Whilst they love the revolving set of people that call by,

ISSUE 01 15 FEATURE

at times their generosity hurts them. Once, they left a friend’s 21st to go home and get a good night’s sleep – they didn’t feel like partying. The party took their leaving as an invitation to kick on back at their place. Convincing people that the house wasn’t open for kick-ons took over an hour.

Location is a blessing and a curse for Ben and Alicia.

The steady stream of people leaving the Courthouse at close often sees people wander up to their back gate. Sometimes the lock is kicked in.

Whilst the landlord replaces it, the lock remains flimsy and is kicked in again.

On the event of Margaret Thatcher’s death, a rally celebrating the former British Prime Minister’s demise was staged on their doorstep. Coming home with a few friends – all under the influence – they were made to navigate a dozen or so irate Anarchists blocking their front door and yelling “the witch is dead!” Eventually they retreated to their back door. By the time they felt it was safe to venture outside (sometime after the police came and broke up the protest) they were able to trace a trail of destruction through Camperdown Memorial Park.

Booker describes The Cozy Castle not as a house, but as a venue.

It may have had only one shower for up to 10 tenants, but while they lived there it was not just a home, but a rehearsal space, art studio and live music venue. I went to a party (my first in a warehouse) where live bands played, performance art happened and people were left to wander through art installations.

Graffiti is a recurring theme. Residents of both the Cozy Castle and The Depot lend their house out as a canvas to graffiti artists.

Booker much preferred waking up to a “crazy bird man” than to a blank wall. Declan, a Fine Arts student, threw his 21st at The Depot.

His lazy afternoon of drinks kicked on well into the evening.

As I sat there I watched friends of his (and one complete stranger) paint murals and throw up stencils, transforming the inside of their place from plaster walls, to a gallery of sorts. Not only is the art left behind, but the stories of how it got there stay along with it.

As The Depot is passed onto new tenants (it will be soon) they will inherit an eclectic body of work – no doubt adding to it themselves.

As for the negative experiences, a silver lining is often found. Alicia reclaimed a pair of shoes discarded by the Anarchists. She wears them to this day.

COMING HOME WITH A FEW FRIENDS – ALL UNDER THE INFLUENCE – THEY WERE MADE TO NAVIGATE A DOZEN OR SO IRATE ANARCHISTS BLOCKING THEIR FRONT DOOR AND YELLING “THE WITCH IS DEAD!”

The theme that runs through the people I speak to is that the sacrifices in security and living conditions make up for themselves in terms of the freedom they are granted.

Special thanks to Vincent Power for allowing BULL the use of his photographs.

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ISSUE 01 17 INTERVIEW

INTERVIEW GEORGIA HITCH

GEORGIA HITCH is a third year Media and Communications student here at the University of Sydney who is certainly leaving her mark on the Sydney community radio scene. This year, the Canberra born 20-yearold is stepping up to the mic to present Up For It, the breakfast show on FBi. She’s sweet, switched on, and has a collection of ticket stubs ranging from Paul Simon to The Kooks. Erin Rooney sat down and had a little chat with one of the youngest breakfast radio presenters in Australia.

What first appealed to you about working in radio?

Well, I’ve done a bit of work in TV and film, and I think the thing that I drew on from those experiences was that working behind the scenes, you don’t get as much credit as you deserve. So I think that’s the thing that most appealed to me about radio, that you get instant credit if you put in the hard yards producing and putting together the show, and people recognise that as you speak through the microphone.

How did you start working at FBi? I applied for presenter training in June/July of 2012, just because it was my first year in Sydney and I thought I’d try my hand in TV, film, radio and whatever else in the media world I could have a go at. Unfortunately,

I didn’t get straight into the presenter training, but then they asked if I wanted to come on as a volunteer, and I said yes.

What’s the best interview that you’ve done for FBi? It was probably one I did with Regurgitator, the first time I’d done a Drive show. I was producing the show and the programming director asked me to fill in, and that has probably been the biggest opportunity, because it was a good chance for me to prove that I could do it. It was my first liveto-air interview, and they’re a very iconic band – even my parents knew who they were! It was one of those weird ones because I was just so nervous, checking the mics and everything. But it was definitely the one that got the ball rolling.

And was it worth the hard yards to get out there presenting?

Yes definitely! Some people are really against presenting; just the idea of being behind the microphone really throws them.

Having said that, producing was a lot of fun as well, something that I really enjoyed, and I think that presenting is just a step up from that. For me it’s kind of like a natural progression. It’s where I had aimed to get to in the beginning and I was going around the steps to get there.

What do you think you’re going to bring to Up For It? It’s going to be a lot about enthusiasm.

I think coming from Canberra and being in Sydney – it’s still a novelty, the idea that I’m going to be on the radio and be on it every morning. It’s very exciting, even when I was doing overnight shifts from 1-6am, people could tune in and hear your voice on the radio, and for me that doesn’t really ever get old! But yeah, lots of Fleetwood Mac… there will be lots of Fleetwood Mac. Where do you see yourself in the future?

My goal would be to work internationally, that’s my aim for the sky kind of thing.

I would like to be in broadcasting, whether that’s producing internationally or working in some other form in radio. Hopefully for a music channel because that’s really what interests me.

What was your favourite track of 2013?

‘Time To Run’ by Lord Huron. It was one of those ones I discovered in the music library at FBi and I think that there was this funny fact about how one of their clips uses Indonesian subtitles and has this Spaghetti Western setting. I just got really into the album – it’s an amazing debut album from them.

18 BULL USU.EDU.AU FEATURE

ISSUE 01 19 FEATURE

EVERY YEAR TENS OF THOUSANDS OF BUSHFIRES BURN ACROSS AUSTRALIA AND EXPERTS SAY AS MANY AS HALF MIGHT BE DELIBERATELY LIT. BUT WHO ARE THESE FIREBUGS? COULD THEY BE OUR NEIGHBOURS OR UNI FRIENDS? MELANIE KEMBREY INVESTIGATES A BURNING DESIRE

WHEN I WAS YOUNGER I had a family friend named Dean who loved to play with fire. I still remember a holiday in Fraser Island when he sprayed deodorant on his shoes, set them on fire and watched them burn as dingoes scampered away from the light into the shadows beneath the caravans.

Not long after that, we went to different high schools, stopped playing sport together and I forgot all about Dean and his burning desire. That was until a year or so ago, when I was in a supermarket and saw him on the front page of one of the Sunday tabloids. His face was black with ash, but there he was in a Rural Fire Service uniform with a hose in his hand and a blaze at his back.

There was something about fire that always captivated him. In some ways bushfires are elemental to all of our lives in Australia. We recognise like something instinctual that smell, that eerie yellow glow. I live in the bush and every sign of smoke comes with a story – where embers from the last fire landed, which houses in the street burnt down, how galahs screamed as they flew out of the valley. As many as 60,000 bushfires rip across Australia every year. Although research suggests up to half of these bushfires might be deliberately lit, very little is known about who starts them and even less is known about why.

There’s no classic bushfire arsonist, no single profile of a fire setter.

What do we know about people who deliberately light bushfires?

According to Doctor Janet Stanley, Chief Research Officer at the Monash Sustainability Institute, the vast majority are men, about 40 per cent are adolescents aged 15 to 17 years old, 13 per cent are children and the rest are most likely to be men aged 30 and older. The motivations of bushfire starters differ from those who set structures like banks and schools alight.

They are not as goal-oriented, they don’t want to obtain insurance money, hide crime, seek revenge or threaten specific individuals. But there’s no definable mindset common amongst bushfire arsonists; their reasons for starting fires are as complex as they are diverse.

Doctor Stanley says fire setting can be an impulsive action for younger people, who often don’t intend to commit arson when they strike a match. “A lot of it comes from anger, some from straight boredom, and sometimes without the intention of lighting a bushfire, they might set fire to a rubbish bin and it spreads,” she says. “There’s a high youth unemployment rate at the moment and quite a high level of disengagement. They’re not looking for jobs, they’re not in

education and often these youths live around the edges of cities which are penetrating into the bush.”

The psychology behind fire setting seems to get even murkier when it comes to the group of men aged 30 and over who light fires. “There’s not a lot we know but there seems to be some patterns,” Doctor Stanley says. “Many of them were firelighters when they were younger, but most children and adolescents who light fires grow out of it, but this group of usually men over 30 maintained the behaviour. There’s a whole complex of reasons why,” Doctor Stanley says.

They may feel disengaged from the community and see a huge bushfire as way to re-connect. They might want to gain attention. Although extensive media coverage doesn’t make an arsonist, experts say it can trigger someone who has been planning to light a fire or has started one in the past.

Others may be mentally ill or personality disordered like Brendan Sokaluk, who was found guilty of starting a fire on Black Saturday in 2009 that killed 10 people. His conviction made him Victoria’s worst killer but the judge said he found sentencing him difficult as Sokaluk has an intellectual disability and is autistic. Most who light troublesome fires do it within four kilometres of where they live and many serial firebugs plan well in advance, selecting locations where fire is likely, preparing incendiary devices, waiting until a day where the pointer on fire warning signs in the neighbourhood are sitting on extreme.

Attempting to establish a portrait of fire starters can be a nebulous and futile exercise, because they often share the characteristics of other general offenders.

The director of the Centre for Forensic Behavioural Science and Legal Studies at Swinburne University, Professor James Olgoff, says the so called “profile” of fire starters – young, white, lower socioeconomic status males who are socially limited, unemployed and substance using – is generally useless for attempting to identify them or determining which ones are at risk of re-offending.

Indeed, fire starters rarely only criminally offend by committing arson. They might light a bushfire one day, steal a car the next. “It’s once a fire and then they do something else,” says Professor Olgoff ’s colleague Doctor Troy McEwan.

“There’s this image of firebugs running around setting fires but most people who are charged with arson actually have committed lots of other offences and they are not arson related.

Very few people exclusively set fires.”

“PEOPLE LIGHT A FIRE AND THEN THEY ARE FIRST ON THE SCENE AT THE STATION WITH THEIR GEAR ON, READY TO FIGHT.”

20 BULL USU.EDU.AU FEATURE

“THE PSYCHOLOGICAL AND EMOTIONAL RESPONSE THEY GET FROM LIGHTING THE FIRE MAKE IT SUCH A PLEASANT EXPERIENCE, SOMETHING THEY WANT TO DO MORE THAN ONCE.”

Dr McEwan says pyromania is an old diagnostic term and it’s unhelpful when it comes to understanding bushfire arsonists because it is circular: people who light fires are told they have pyromania; pyros are pyros because they light fires. Often people who repeatedly light fires aren’t unable to control their actions but find them positively reinforcing. Like eating an entire tub of chocolate ice cream, it either relieves how bad you are feeling or just intrinsically feels good. It’s generally accepted that almost a third of arsonists will go on to start more fires; some will set hundreds over their lifetime.

“The fire itself is not addictive but incredibly reinforcing. The psychological and emotional response they get from lighting the fire make it such a pleasant experience, something they want to do more than once.

It’s highly reinforcing,” Dr McEwan says. “Even if your intention isn’t to relieve some kind of anxiety but to get a response, fires get an immediate response and are therefore immediately reinforcing. That’s how the behaviour can become repetitive.”

There are also the relatively rare but extremely well publicised cases of Rural Fire Service volunteers caught lighting fires. There was 20-year-old Joshua Staples, a junior volunteer, who was found guilty last year of lighting a series of fires in greater western Sydney. Or even more recently, the 21-year-old volunteer Alex Gordon Noble who lit 10 fires in Lake Macquarie in August and September and then assisted in putting them out. Police alleged he started the blazes because he was bored, wanted to gain firefighting experience and eventually work full-time with the RFS. According to police, his plan was to start the fire, call the police on his way

ISSUE 01 21 FEATURE

to the fire station and then wait to attend the fire in his RFS uniform. Noble called Triple Zero 17 separate times to report fires. He turned himself into police in the end and said he wanted help to manage his fascination with fire. His Facebook cover image was a picture of bush burning.

Matthew Willis, Research Analyst at the Australian Institute of Criminology (AIC), says these people are usually socially excluded, don’t have stable personal relationships and volunteer as a firefighter to improve their self esteem and to be seen as a hero. “If you do that and you don’t actually get a chance to stop a fire, sometimes people will create that opportunity for themselves. People light a fire and then they are first on the scene at the station with their gear on, ready to fight,” Mr Willis says.

A fascination with fire is a normal thing. Fire is built into mythologies and our culture, indivisible from images of total destruction and complete rebirth. Many children play with fire, burning leaves and paper, and that’s quite standard behaviour, says Mr Willis. “It’s quite normal for kids to do that but then some move on to experimenting with something larger, and for a small proportion of them it becomes really problematic and starts to deliver that extra gain,” he says.

People who light bushfires don’t necessarily intend to kill people and cause destruction, many just want to receive a response and simply don’t consider what could happen if the fire is not put out in time.

All of the experts and researchers I speak to start the conversation with some version of the refrain: “Again there is almost no research to actually understand a lot of this.” There is little data on bushfire arson in Australia. While fire investigators

can determine that a fire is suspicious, it’s incredibly difficult to find who is responsible and only about one per cent of arsonists are caught and convicted. From those that are caught and charged, there’s only a certain proportion that can be accessed by experts for research purposes. Without understanding the psychology of fire setters, it’s difficult to form strategies to prevent bushfire arson or to create treatment or intervention programs for those who do light fires.

Mr Willis, from the AIC, says the risk of bushfire arson is increasing as weather conditions become more severe and urban sprawl means cities are expanding into fringe areas where suburbs meet the bush. “Prevention is the goal, to reduce the likelihood and the number of fires that are lit,” he says. “The majority of fires that are deliberately lit will end up being small and quickly and easily controlled by fire services but every time a fire is lit you create the possibility that it’s going to end up becoming damaging and contributing to some of the terrible fire events we’ve seen.”

Research is taking place on the subject in other countries – particularly in the United Kingdom and United States and concerning child arsonists – but the data is not necessarily transferable to Australia, which has its own unique environment and conditions. Although the 2009 Victorian Bushfires Royal Commission, held after the Black Saturday bushfires that killed 173 people, recommended a research program aimed at refining arson prevention and detection strategies, government cash hasn’t been put on the table. We know details about when, where and how people start bushfires but as we hit the peak of this year’s fire season, the why part of the equation remains largely a mystery and at best a guessing game.

22 BULL USU.EDU.AU TASTE

TASTE SERVING TRENDS

WHO’S DOING IT BEST

LAURA HANLON WHETHER YOU’RE EATING OFF A ROCK at Black Star Pastry in Newtown or drinking a shake out of a glass milk bottle from Three Williams Café in Redfern, it seems Sydney’s bars and cafés are embracing their earthy roots with more quirky and sustainable ways to serve food and beverages. So, hop on your Malvern Star and raise a jar to the top local eateries and bars acing the trend.

1. Paint tin cocktails @Newtown Hotel, 174 King St, Newtown An instant #sohipster is awarded to the booze selection from this 130-year-old establishment, which has recently been given a lick of fresh paint. Walk past the kissing booth and you will find the beer garden and the Paint Tin Donkey Punch. The sugary concoction is filled with lychees, Gordon’s gin, apple, mixed berry tea, roses and a ladle for sharing while you people watch those same people admiring your paint tin.

2. Egg carton croquettes @Three Williams, 613a Elizabeth St, Redfern With newly propped bike racks, peddling up Cleveland Street and hooking a right to pay an affordable visit to this new resident is only polite. Crispy fish croquettes are nestled into a half egg carton recycled from their egg orders. Accompanied by a wedge

of lemon and aioli, fingers will be sufficiently licked. Grab some beer battered chips to compliment the fish or go for a grilled prawn “narnie” (a naan bread/sandwich hybrid) – the soft pillows of bread will have you dreaming of your next hit.

3. Juice jars @Devon Café, 76 Devonshire St, Surry Hills Don’t worry, manufactured meat served on a sandwich with tomato sauce is nowhere in sight at this café. Instead, friendly staff (some with glorious accents!) will cut the mint for your watermelon and apple refresher straight from the herb wall.

Served in jars, the fresh juice selection matches any meal on their organic menu.

Minimalist decor follows the au naturale feel of the café, with beechwood-crafted furniture throughout. University of Sydney student and mega-foodie, Thanisa Naripthaphan, has frequented a number of restaurants serving up dishes with a hint of hipster and recommends Devon Café if you’re after a modern-Australian menu and a trendy hum.

4. Old record coasters @Grasshopper Bar, Temperance Laneway, Sydney High quotients of hipsters scuttle down this dark alleyway, and for good reason.

Bar owner and President of the Small Bar Association, Martin O’Sullivan, has cosily tetris-ed himself between the Hilton Hotel

and Strand Arcade to inject something special among the rubbish bins lining the pavement. Bringing wallpaper back and sourcing second-hand furniture, this retro-esque small bar has a numbered rather than named drink list and uses old records as coasters. No. 89 is particularly cute, with honeydew melon liquor, caramel, lime and a pony of pineapple brought to you in a teddy bear jar. Any cocktail spillage would be a sin.

5. Paddle boards, Errywhere Why are all our meals suddenly being plated on wooden paddles? Previously reserved for gourmet pizzas straight from the wood-fire oven, timber slabs are increasingly sidelining the humble ceramic. Undergoing a popular “square” transformation in the 90s, the plate’s material-morphism was inevitable.

The Wedge Espresso at 53/55 Glebe Point Rd dishes up several items on the board including their upgraded take on sloppy joes. Newcomer Bion Societé is another food styling hub located in Camperdown.

The Organic Breakfast Granola – a glass full of maple roasted oats, mixed nuts with vanilla yoghurt foam and berries – sits on top of a honey-drizzled paddle board.

The Smoked Salmon Stack is also beautifully presented with rose-shaped curls of salmon on sour dough toast, avocado puree, feta, trout roe, fresh herbs, olive oil and marinated black olives.

ISSUE 01 23 GO

GO SOUTH KOREA

ICE FISHING IN HWACHEON

ROB NORTH FISHING CERTAINLY ISN’T MY FAVOURITE PASTIME in Australia. I’ve never had the patience or the skill. In fact, the closest I’ve come to catching a fish is at the local teppanyaki restaurant – and even then I dropped it!

But I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to smash a hole in the ice and hook my very own catch of the day. And little did I know, by the end of the afternoon I’d be stripping off my winter woollies, diving into a pit of near freezing water, and trying my hand (literally) at catching a big ol’ mountain trout.

The Hwacheon Sancheoneo Ice Festival is an annual celebration of all things winter in Korea. Taking place roughly three hours north east of Seoul, it reportedly draws over a million people each year looking to have a go at the main event: ice fishing.

The bus trip out to Hwacheon weaves its way through the mountainous countryside, passing countless quiet farming villages and tank lined army outposts. Upon arrival I ventured down through the silent back alley markets, where visitors can pick up a wide variety of fresh local produce. There are also a number of small admittedly unappealing looking restaurants, with middle aged women chopping and preparing the meals in the middle of the room. I personally opted not to try them, but if I’ve learnt anything

travelling in Korea, it’s often the dingiest backwater eateries that serve the best and most authentic cuisine.

The sleepy riverside village stands in stark contrast to the bustling, neon drenched sprawling metropolis of Seoul. The unassuming low-rise community is flanked on all sides by mountains, providing a scenic experience for visitors and residents alike. And perhaps most noticeably, it is devoid of nearly all signs of Western influence, save for the modern architecture and the odd convenience store or two.

The frozen river sits on the edge of town, and I was shocked to see just how many people had come along to revel in the winter wonderland. Thousands of Korean families stood on the ice, fishing, cooking and eating.

Ice fishing itself is fairly simple, and removes a lot of the complexities of normal fishing. There’s no big rod, which means no casting. Instead the process involves hacking a hole in the ice with a small metal pick, and dropping a line and lure down the hole. Every three seconds a small ‘bob’ is necessary to keep the fish below interested.

Unfortunately I wasn’t quite able to grasp the simple technique; I was shamed by the skilful locals, many of whom seemed to be pulling in a fish per minute.

Soon enough, a festival staff member noticed my frustration and grabbed my hand, leading me down the ice and into a small tent.

After changing into a t-shirt and a pair of shorts I was ushered out onto the ice and stood beside

a small circular pit of ice water teeming with mountain trout.

It was time for hand fishing.

‘Gangnam Style’ was pumping over the speaker system, and the announcer was whipping the growing audience into a frenzy.

And then we jumped in. I dropped my hands into the cold water and began reaching for the quick and slippery fish. I managed to catch a couple, and proceeded to stuff them down my shirt (as is the done practice) to avoid them wriggling out my hands.

Call me crazy, but despite the cold it was a genuinely exhilarating experience.

I can’t say that I’ve come back to Australia an avid fisherman, but Hwacheon certainly hooked me in.

DO KOREA LIKE A TRUE TOURIST 1. Visit a Cat Café: Korea is home to many cat cafés where patrons can play with or merely watch the household pets while they eat.

2. Take a DMZ Tour: Bill Clinton describes it as the scariest place on earth. Pick a tour company that visits Panmunjom, the abandoned village on the border where discussions between North and South continue to take place.

3. Get Drunk on Soju: This sweet vodkalike substance plays a central part in all Korean celebrations and business deals, but be warned – almost any local will well and truly drink you under the table.

24 BULL USU.EDU.AU MOVE SECTION HEADING

MOVE MEDITATION

NOW & ZEN

SOPHIE GALLAGHER THE BEATLES DID IT, Mick Jagger’s doing it, and even Radiohead front man Thom Yorke has revealed that he uses meditation, “the new cool”, to help keep his spirits high.

A few years ago it was dieting and hard-core gym workouts. Now, celebrities, mums and mobs have been slowing down and waxing lyrical about the quiet side of life. Clearly, a bit of chilling out and finding your Zen is needed to cope with our hectic modern day routines.

“There is no question that meditation has recently become very popular,” said local meditation guru, Thom Knoles, who has been based in Sydney for more than 30 years. He says meditation is about everything you do in life becoming easier, and you start understanding more about yourself, leading to a better life.

Drawing on the age-old practices of religion, meditation is the perfect answer to peace of mind, and its blissful benefits are tenfold. Daily practice aims to help control the mind, resulting in improved creativity, rejuvenation and greater concentration ability, boosting self-confidence and mental toughness.

Sydney University student, Amy Grady, always meditates before an exam to help organise her thoughts. “It allows me stay

calm and prepares me to expect any exam scenario,” she said. “I truly believe it’s as important as studying.”

Experts say regular meditation lowers stress, increases energy and improves overall health and wellbeing, with different styles and techniques available to help achieve inner peace by calming the mind.

Transcendental Meditation (often called TM) is one of the most popular forms of meditation because the effortless technique can be practiced by anybody, anywhere.

Introduced in India in the mid-1950s by spiritual leader Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, TM involves the use of a sound or mantra and is practiced for 15 to 20 minutes twice per day.

Buddhism is similar in its philosophy of spiritual enlightenment and encourages students to learn more about the theory behind the practice. Unibodhi, the University of Sydney Buddhist Society, has free meditation workshops and HALS, the Health and Lifestyle Society, encourages everyone to enjoy meditation.

If you want to go the source, the Nan Tien Temple down the South Coast offers a great introduction to Buddhist meditation, with one-day retreats held throughout the year. To find inner peace in the inner city, you can drop in to meditation and Buddhism classes at Mahasiddha Kadampa Meditation Centre in Surry Hills.

FREE YOUR MIND STAY LOCAL • T he Buddhist Library and Meditation Centre in Camperdown has a wealth of information and teachings of Buddhist techniques, with regular talks and courses. 90 Church St, Camperdown. buddhistlibrary.org.au • T he Mahasiddha Kadampa Meditation Centre in Newtown offers weekly classes throughout Sydney, with drop in Monday workshops in Newtown. Dickson Space, 35 - 39 Dickson St, Newtown. meditateinsydney.org

GET OUT OF TOWN • T he Blue Mountains Insight and Meditation Centre is a hot spot for silent retreats, chanting meditation and regular courses. 25 Rutland Rd, Medlow Bath. meditation.asn.au

DIY AT HOME • F ind a quiet space to meditate for 20 minutes twice a day. It's as easy as that!

• Every weekday, Daily Om will email you inspirational thoughts for a happy, healthy and fulfilling day. See dailyom.com • Read Deepak Chopra. See chopra.com

ISSUE ISSUE 07 01 25 SECTION HEADING LEARN

LEARN GOOGLE GLASS

THE “NEXT BIG THING”

EDEN CACEDA WITH SOCIAL MEDIA BUZZING about the new wearable computer, and technology enthusiasts awaiting the final retail version to be released later this year, Google Glass is expected to be the “next big thing” in computing.

Google Glass is the latest advance in augmented reality that allows people to interact in the real world while browsing the Internet and living life as if through the glasses of a computer. The user has an optical head-mounted display, which presents information in a small rectangle “glass” above the right eye’s field of vision.

This display presents information in a Smartphone format and can be controlled through voice commands by the wearer. This means that you can wear Google Glass and use it in your every day field of vision, film or take photos of what you are seeing, or search and translate while you’re walking down the street.

Google X, the corporation’s secret facility responsible for Google’s driverless car and stratosphere Internet balloons, has developed the new headset computing system. Google Glass aims to become a ubiquitous computer – a computer that appears anywhere and everywhere. Google branded the invention as an interactive computer that can “be there when you need it and [get] out of your way when you don’t.”

Google Glass will one day replace the Smartphone, becoming an extension of the body rather than a pocket-bound distraction.

The wants of consumers are also being heard through the Glass Explorer program of 2013, which allowed some people to test the

technology. This particular initiative meant that things like the app store and media player were added to the final list of specs for Google Glass and will be fine-tuned for distribution to the publiclater this year.

However, integrating technologies like this into everyday life may be difficult because of the computer’s unusual equipment.

A user was controversially given a fine because she was driving while wearing the frameless glasses (despite them not being activated) late last year. In January, another user was questioned by police after wearing the eyewear inside an AMC cinema film screening. This particular incident has brought up questions of film piracy and how new technology like this can be monitored.

With any new technology there is potential for misuse and privacy issues.

When people are walking around with their Google Glasses on and recording everything in their sight, some people may feel uneasy, prompting the belief that the computer could be used as a perving mechanism.

Google even removed an app that allowed photos to be taken with a blink and facial recognition apps will be banned from Google Play for Glass.

Google Glass has already been released to some reviewers to evaluate how the computer works before hitting the markets and so far has achieved mixed results.

The battery life seems to be a big issue for current users, saying the hardware only lasts about a day, if that. When sending a photo or video it is difficult to use a simple function like MMS or email attachment. But, handsfree ability to message, navigate, search and take photos makes it a piece of computing that could potentially change the world and the way we live our lives.

HYBRID FRUITS AND VEGETABLES 1. THE TAYBERRY is a mix between

blackberry and red raspberry and named after the River Tay in Scotland.

Tayberries are much sweeter, larger and more aromatic than blackberries and raspberries. The berry is difficult to pick by hand and cannot be machine harvested so it is on its way to becoming a commercially grown berry crop.

2. RANGPURS are a hybrid of mandarins

and lemons. Also known as lemandarins, the bitter fruit is incredibly acidic and is commonly used as a substitute for limes.

Named after Rangpur in Bangladesh, a city known for this and other citrus fruits, rangpurs were introduced to Florida from Bengal in the late 19th Century from seeds obtained in northwest India.

3. TANGELOS are a cross between

tangerines and grapefruits, or pomelos.

Developed by a U.S. Department of Agriculture biologist Walter Swingle in 1911, tangelos are incredibly large when next to a normal tangerine. They have a juicy, tangerine flavour but lack the bitterness of a grapefruit.

4. PLUOTS are later generation crosses of

plums and apricots. They taste like plums but have the texture of an apricot and were created by 20th Century biologist Floyd Zaiger. Their hybrid nature means that pluots can endure long distance shipping before reaching consumers, unlike plums and apricots.

5. BLOOD LIMES are a hybrid citric fruit developed by the CSIRO to investigate salt-resistant crop. A mix between Ellendale mandarins and Australian Finger limes, they have seen some commercial development with the first crop hitting markets in Australia in 2004. The fruit is now in consideration for export.

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ISSUE 01 27 FEATURE

DON’T PANIC, EDEN CACEDA AND WHITNEY DUAN ARE HERE TO SHOW YOU THE WAY OUTSIDE OF THE UNIVERSITY WALLS

THERE ARE NUMEROUS PERKS a University of Sydney student is privileged with while studying on the Camperdown and Darlington campuses: close proximity to Central Station, the Hogwarts-esque beauty of the Quadrangle and the archives of Fisher Library – to name a few. However, the biggest benefit is most probably the location.

The uni’s surrounding suburbs host a kaleidoscope of culturally diverse restaurants, quaint cafés and great social hubs that are too often given up for a lazy pide or Manning chips.

As a fresher, the sites are too numerous to know where to start, and as a returning veteran, it all seems to have blurred into a vague memory as you visit the same place every time.

Expeditions to the exciting terrain beyond campus borders, as you will find, often teach you more than the lectures will.

Between and after classes, venturing beyond the gates with or without company will certainly cure any hunger, ennui or writer’s block uni throws your way.

So without further ado, here’s a USYD student’s guide to (more or less) the galaxy.

28 BULL USU.EDU.AU FEATURE

Teru Café

The Wedge

GLEBE

CENTRAL

TERU CAFÉ (3 min from University Ave entrance) The first thing you need to know about USYD cultural life: ACCESS will always be your best friend. At Teru, you get 10 per cent off when you flash that piece of orange plastic.

The mosaic of retro posters, mounted on brightly coloured walls, black and white tiled floors, and the oriental wooden partition give this pizza-turned-burger joint an ethnic feel that you just can’t seem to put your finger on. Its large seating area towards the back caters to big groups, making this café a great place to come with a group of friends. Oh, and they do an incredible lamb burger.

WHITE RABBIT GALLERY (14 min from City Rd Entrance) Housed modestly in a four-story warehouse, White Rabbit Gallery exhibits an internationally recognised collection of artworks without the pretentiousness or elitism too often associated with the art world. The contemporary Chinese gallery delivers a thought-provoking chorus of political and cultural messages about China, its inhabitants and diaspora post-Mao. The vastly diverse and ever-changing collection never fails to astound while their ambient Tea Room provides the perfect climate to vent your awe over dumplings.

THE WEDGE (4 min from University Ave Entrance) Wedged into a small alleyway, this hidden gem is too often bypassed by students. The narrow strip that is The Wedge accommodates one of the most astonishingly original cafés Glebe has to offer. The quirky bar serves up a truly unique menu of Australian-inspired healthy light meals and beverages that far outshine food you’ll find on campus.

NEWTOWN

SAPPHO BOOKS CAFÉ & WINE BAR (3 min from University Ave Entrance) The rich aromas of fresh coffee waft through the dusty aisles of this second-hand bookstore that hides a lively wine bar boasting a variety of tasty snacks. Behind the shelves, the rustic and rundown courtyard being inhabited by tropical ferns is the perfect venue for book lovers to eat and enjoy some Charlotte Brontë.

With specialty tapas at affordable prices, Sappho’s is a relaxing place to go with a friend for a quick lunch, read a book, or cuddle with the shop’s resident kitten.

VICTORIA PARK (10 sec from University Ave Entrance) As a main thoroughfare for students bitterly trudging to their lectures, Victoria Park is easily overlooked as a social space.

Framed by busy main roads, it’s hard to find a getaway from concrete confines as beautiful and as ambient as this.

Whether you’re just looking for a sunbathed picnic on the grass, or a breath of fresh air via the scenic route, or feeling adventurous enough to kayak the pond waters, Victoria Park is a student’s Mecca for unwinding from the stresses of tertiary education.

GOULD’S BOOK ARCADE (7 min from City Rd Entrance) From fading and peeling paint to postered windows, the tired exterior of Gould’s looks more like a ramshackle newsagency than the enormous treasure cave it holds. Every corner of this two-storey labyrinth is stuffed with an impressive collection of second-hand books, records, DVDs, magazines, CDs and anything out of print. In the lavish chaos of this bookworm’s dream, there’s no promise you’ll find what you’re looking for; it has everything and nothing.

THE PIE TIN (13 min from City Rd Entrance) The staling pies under the polished cabinet at Pie Face frown bitterly across the road at the mouth of the innocent lane where Newtown’s pie magnate-in-residence dwells. Infamous for its heavenly dessert pies, the café seduces hoards into her chic setting, lusting for a slice of the Oreo pie. Alternatively, for those with a savoury tooth, The Pie Tin’s freshly baked artisan pies come in delightfully generous servings.

DENDY CINEMAS (15 min from City Rd Entrance) The resident theatre for the University crowd is close to all the great offerings of King Street. Hosting an array of foreign and independent films, the interior of Dendy is refreshing and far from the archetypes of other chain cinemas. If you have a big gap in a timetable or want to take another student on a date after class, Dendy is a good place to visit.

ISSUE 01 29 FEATURE

White Rabbit Gallery

Sappho Books Café & Wine Bar

KING STREET Newtown dwellers are infamous for living off a toxic diet of local Thai, froyo and beer that dominate King Street. The bustling street alone, before it even splits into Enmore Road, is home to 16 Thai restaurants, 6 frozen yoghurt stores and 21 bars and pubs. Here we collected the top few for each category:

THAI (N.B. Always bring cash, card is rarely accepted)

THAIRIFFIC (9 min from City Rd Entrance): Housed in a chic modern casual dining space, ThaiRiffic prevails in all categories – food quality, atmosphere, service and value.

THAI-LA ONG (9 min from City Rd Entrance): As a hungry student with a shallow hip pocket, Thai-La Ong’s extensive $7 lunch specials menu will be the answer to all your prayers.

CHEDI THAI (8 min from City Rd Entrance): Fusing Australian dining experience with Thai cultural aesthetics, Chedi Thai delivers a tasteful and intimate restaurant appropriate for dinner dates.

FROYO

YOGURTLAND (11 min from City Rd Entrance): With self-serve machines, 16 available flavours, 33 toppings and large seating spaces, Yogurtland offers the best social froyo experience in Newtown.

ZWIRL (8 min from City Rd Entrance): This tiny froyo shop compensates for its variety and venue shortcomings by being super cheap, being closest to uni and having $2 happy hours.

MOOBERRY (11 min from City Rd Entrance): The trendiest looking froyo joint in Newtown, Mooberry’s walls are donned with a thick carpet of grass, porcelain stag heads, and framed posters and mirrors.

BARS AND PUBS

THE CORRIDOR (11 min from City Rd Entrance): This easy to pass bar is a cool venue to drink at and easy to get to. The small bar does get very crowded (it really is a corridor), so get there early.

KULETO’S COCKTAIL BAR (11 min from City Rd Entrance): During their Monday-Saturday happy hour (5.30-7.30pm) you can enjoy two cocktails for the price of one. And that’s all you need sometimes.

ZANZIBAR (17 min from City Rd Entrance): this three-level pub caters to all species of drinkers: the bottom pub floor, a more social second floor and a rooftop bar with tables and chairs.

Photos by Whitney Duan

Gould’s Book Arcade

ISSUE 01 31 THE TIME I TRIED...

THE TIME I TRIED...

NOT JAYWALKING

ALL JAMES HENNESSY WANTS IS TO BE REMEMBERED AS A MAN WHO ALWAYS, ALWAYS CO-OPERATED WITH AUTHORITY. THOSE UNFORTUNATE ENOUGH to be in the CBD over the past few weeks would have noticed a citywide police crackdown on jaywalking – widely understood to be the most heinous of all crimes. Fluorovested officers stood at the corner of busy intersections and issued tickets to hasty pedestrians each time they crossed the road on a red signal.

It’s too easy to dismiss this particular police action as both misdirected and unnecessarily immiserating. The veneer of civil society hangs on the most delicate thread of law and order, and the wild actions of these deluded, street-crossing hucksters threatens the very foundations upon which our civilisation is built. Fining them is not enough. They should be fired out of cannons into the sea, alongside other unrepentant evildoers such as those who stand on the right side of escalators and losers who sit facing the wrong way on trains.

But, alas. There’s a whiff of hypocrisy in my condemnation.

I too am a particularly impenitent criminal.

I can’t recall the last time I actually waited for a crossing indicator to flick over to green.

It’s not an issue of impatience. It’s just that I love crime, so very much. Not even the most potent designer drug could challenge the natural high of a minor traffic infraction. So, for one whole week, I decided to cast aside my addiction to wrongdoing. I would stand at the crossing like every other idiot, and cross only when the little green man deigned it appropriate.

That way, when I die, I can be remembered as a man who always, always co-operated with authority. A beautiful legacy to leave for my ugly, ugly children.

Day one was a tough slog. I stood at a three-way intersection in Bondi Junction, coffee cup cradled in my hand, waiting for the light to turn green. It was agony, in the most egregiously Biblical sense.

"NOT EVEN THE MOST POTENT DESIGNER DRUG COULD CHALLENGE THE NATURAL HIGH OF A MINOR TRAFFIC INFRACTION."

I could feel my life slowly ebbing away. Each ticking sound from the indicator box was another minute step closer to my eventual death. I began to ask vague quantitative questions in my mind: what percentage of my life am I squandering right now?

What could I be achieving if I weren’t standing here like some kind of moron? These were pointless questions in retrospect, because if I weren’t there I’d probably be eating chips somewhere else.

It was just a noticeably less delicious way of wasting my life.

By day two, I had already lost my mind. I had the shakes. I looked like a junkie. The inability to cross the road whenever I pleased paralysed me with the kind of crippling existential ennui that I’d only ever experienced when I ran out of mass-purchased mi goreng satchels

halfway through a pay cycle. Seeing my fellow Sydneysiders cross the road without compunction only increased my crisis.

Granted, I was less likely to be hit by a bus than the average bloke. But there’s a profound difference between living and merely surviving. I’d have rather been hit by one thousand buses than live another day in this moral exile.

The third day was my last. Standing before the crossing at the corner of Eddy Ave and Pitt Street, the tic-tic-tic echoing through my atrophied brain tissue, I finally broke. Seeing no cars in sight – an intuition further confirmed by scientifically proven stop-look-listen protocol – I bolted across the street like a demon, leaving passers-by in awe of my flagrant disregard for traffic law. My shirt rippled across my body, my shoelaces untied, my face beaming with the kind of pride reserved only for the most remorseless street criminals.

At last, once again, I could feel the wind in my hair.

32 BULL USU.EDU.AU FEATURE

A

§

SHAKESPEAREAN S oj o u r n

SOPHIE GALLAGHER WANTS TO SPEND A NIGHT AT THE TUMBLEWEED HOTEL YOU COULD BE WALKING from a lesson at the Sorbonne, down the cobblestone streets.

You could be crossing the river Seine from Notre Dame, past chipped green boxes on the left bank where old vendors huddle. If it’s winter, you could be enticed by the smell of mulled wine from glowing cafes, the red hue of their interiors heaving with life and drama and history. Yet in the centre of this scene, is a small bookstore that has sheltered literary dreamers for years. Shakespeare and Company is the writer’s paradise.

In 1919, an American expatriate named Sylvia Beach opened the first Shakespeare and Co. in Paris. The book traffic soon became almost incidental to the fact that it was, first and foremost, a combined haven and support system for struggling would-be authors, with names like Ernest Hemingway, F. Scott Fitzgerald, and James Joyce. The store eventually closed under German pressure in the midst of World War II, and it would be more than a decade before it was seen again.

George Whitman opened his bookstore, Le Mistral in 1951. Within the vanguard of a new expatriate movement, his shop’s purpose seemed to reflect Beach’s 1920’s paradise, and once he renamed it to Shakespeare and Company, the rest was history.

The store has weathered the Beats, the 1968 student riots, the hippies, and numerous tax audits by the French authorities. Throughout it all, though, potential authors found a home there amongst the books, in more ways than one.

Sleeping on benches, small fold out beds and on the floor amongst the books, Whitman hid a hotel within his bookstore.

In exchange for a bed, they only had to give a few hours of work within the shop, read a book a day and write a one-page autobiography for his archives. Despite his death a few years ago, his daughter still continues this tradition as it’s manager today, and many still make the pilgrimage with no money, a sleeping bag, and a head full of hope.

They are called Tumbleweeds, rolling in off the Parisian streets and staying there, as characters in a never ending story.

When Whitman ran the store, there could be up to 25 people sleeping in any place

they could find, with only a small kitchen and the nearest bathroom down the street at a little café. Now with only six at a time, the facilities are better, but the experience is still raw. He liked to quote Yeats, who wrote, “be not inhospitable to strangers, lest they be angels in disguise.” It constantly rings true.

“Henry Miller once described this shop as ‘a wonderland of books’, and I really did feel like Alice falling through the rabbit hole that first time I came here,” said Milly Unwin, former Tumbleweed and a current worker in the store. Lost on the streets of Paris, she discovered Shakespeare and Co. on her year abroad, and promised to come back after her studies in England were complete. In 2012, she returned, slept amongst the labyrinth of nooks and crannies and then got a job assisting the archivist, contributing to a soon to be published book that will chronicle the store’s incredible history.

Her work has led her to discover some impressive truths of its past. In the preInternet era, she describes, the Tumbleweed Hotel wasn’t as well known, so George used to thrust the keys on people he liked the look of, generally those seen reading Dostoyevsky.

“I always think it’s funny to think someone could come in for a five-minute flick through The Idiot, and end up staying a month!”

ISSUE 01 33 FEATURE

WHAT MOST APPEALED TO HER WAS WHITMAN’S BELIEF THAT SHAKESPEARE AND COMPANY IS “A SOCIALIST UTOPIA MASQUERADING AS A BOOKSTORE.”

Though that is the appeal of Paris, the cultural effervescence running through the walls of Shakespeare and Co., created a place that truly encapsulated the poignant beauty of the city. And with George at the helm, a traveller who believed in generosity and kindness to all, he established an institution rather than a store. By remaining there, he allowed others to travel, and his motto “Give what you can, take what you need” was the creed of Hotel Tumbleweed, a philosophy that was as radical then as it is now.

Yet at its heart are the hopeful authors, the explorers, the people. Whitman’s idea was to create a preserve where eccentric minds could exchange passions and interests.

“I always love it when a new Tumbleweed arrives (as they do pretty much every week) and you have a whole new life story to discover, another character in the novel of the bookshop.”

Molly Dektar, a 23-year-old Harvard graduate, heard of the elusive hotel when she was 18, and was obsessed with the idea right away. “I appreciate radical attempts to share, rather than own,” she recalled, which led to a two-month stay, first in January and then June throughout 2013. What most appealed to her was Whitman’s belief that

Shakespeare and Company is “a socialist utopia masquerading as a bookstore.”

Here, she saw an immediate trust emerge from his pre-modern ideas of hospitality, which made it easy to connect to people.

Every Tumbleweed has a story about how they managed to stay, she believes.

“I went from being one of the thousands and thousands of people who visit the shop each day, enchanted by the history and the atmosphere, to one of the few people who got see George’s rooms up above the shop, crammed with the shop’s archives, and the writer’s studio with its gilt-edged mirror.

It felt like a dream.”

The one-page biographies also add to the enchantment, with every page the distilled essence of life with thousands of dreams and aspirations crammed into each black folder. One, which Dektar recalls, was of an amnesiac that wrote of his ability to only remember facts without emotion and senses, “I’m a wolf in need of meat.”

What is most captured from Dektar’s account is how it’s the little things that remain most poignant in her mind. Whether it is the view of the cherry tree branches, the feeling of being like a spy watching those reading on her bed during the day without knowing someone slept there at night,

throwing snow balls from flower boxes onto the street below, and Tumbleweed dinners made from recipes whose first step was, “Open the wine, and begin drinking.”

Yet it was the people, the trust and the sharing that most inspired her. She called every person fascinating: “it reminds me of what happens when you matte and frame a drawing – everyone is in their best light, everyone’s good qualities come out.”

To be a Tumbleweed, you transform into a character sleeping in the rooms above the bookstore. You are like the 30,000 that have stayed before you, yet like humanity, you each bring a new perspective to the world.

George’s livelihood inspired everyone else’s, and the feeling evoked from the Parisian sojourn is nearly indescribable. For Molly, however, it was a dream, and can hardly be better described. “It had the quality of being in love, that intense positivity and sense of possibility and care, but not centered around a specific person, rather a place, a community, and a history.”

Special thanks to Molly Dektar for allowing BULL to use her photographs. You can check out more at malborkmalbork.blogspot.com

discounts cheap parking free WiFi competitions special offers

ISSUE 01 35 CAMPUS FASHION

CAMPUS FASHION ORANGE

KATIE STOW // ARTS (MECO) II

EMILY SHEN // ARTS (MECO)/LAW II

REBECCA KARPIN // ARTS (MECO) II

DRESS: ICE Design JACKET: Forever 21 SUNGLASSES: Le Specs SHOES: Sportsgirl

DRESS: Topshop SHIRT: The North Face SUNGLASSES: Ksubi SHOES: Wittner EARPHONES: Sony

DRESS: Luvalot SHORTS: Tattoo SUNGLASSES: Ray Bans SHOES: Rocketdog HANDBAG: Steve Madden

How would you describe your personal style?

Usually I’m a t-shirt and jeans girl. It’s kind of a horrendous blokey style.

How would you describe your personal style?

If it’s not black, put it back on the rack (orange is definitely going to be trying for me).

How would you describe your personal style?

Very chilled! I like to wear what’s comfortable but I try to make sure I look nice at the same time.

Where do you see orange coming into play on campus?

There has to be some student election t-shirt in an overwhelming orange.

Where do you see orange coming into play on campus?

If the Wednesday Markets fail in bringing out bright bags and jewellery, I’m going to be very disappointed.

Where do you see orange coming into play on campus?

Orange is the colour this season! Bright orange is always noticeable when someone wears it.

I think people from all faculties will be wearing some orange this year, whether it is a bracelet or a pattern on a skirt.

What’s hot and what’s not?

I have a hatred for socks and thongs. It makes no logical sense. If it’s hot, wear thongs, if it’s cold, wear socks. A combination clearly means you have confused feet.

Who’s your style icon and why?

Khlo-money Kardashian: she’s a badass lady with one heck of a bootaaay. I’d stuff my jeans to get junk in my trunk like that. Also, she’s got this post break-up glow that makes her even more stylish.

What’s hot and what’s not?

Hot: Cute ankle boots, perfect for trekking across campus. Not: Birkenstocks and socks.

Take them away. Please.

Who’s your style icon and why?

Kourtney Kardashian is my perfect mix of grunge and glamour. Bonus points: Mason, whose sense of style has already seen him featured in fashion news worldwide (sorry North).

What’s hot and what’s not?

Wearing bright colours this season is so hot, just be careful not to clash – it’s fashion suicide!

Who’s your style icon and why?

Kim Kardashian! Whether she’s walking down the aisle, pregnant as a killer whale or about to undergo a ‘vampire facial’, she always knows how to do her hair and accessorise to pull the look off.

She is definitely the most stylish person I know!

36 BULL USU.EDU.AU CLASSIC COUNTDOWN & VOX POPS

CLASSIC COUNTDOWN

VOX POPS

MARIAH CAREY DIVA MOMENTS MICHAEL KOZIOL WIPES AWAY THE GLITTER, AND BREAKS DOWN THE IMPERFECT ANGEL’S BEST/WORST MOMENTS.

5

WHEN SHE STRIPPED ON TRL

In 2001, Mariah made a manic and unannounced appearance on the Total Request Live television program. She stripped down to her underwear and handed out ice cream. A few days later, she checked into rehab for an emotional breakdown.

4

WHEN SHE DISSED MADONNA

The first rule of being a diva: you hate all other divas. In 1995, Madonna said she’d rather kill herself than be Mariah Carey. Mariah retorted: “I really haven’t paid attention to Madonna since I was in like, seventh or eighth grade, when she used to be popular.”

3

WHEN SHE GOES ON TOUR

Mariah doesn’t travel lightly. On her most recent tour to Australia, her entourage reportedly consisted of 40 people, plus backstage demands for two vases of white roses, eight tall leafy plants and tea made from still water from the natural springs of Poland.

2

Listening to: Led Apple’s cover of ‘Counting Stars’ on YouTube.

Reading: The Murder of Roger Ackroyd by Agatha Christie.

Watching: Friends reruns for the millionth time.

DARREN ZENG // ARTS II Listening to: 'Beam' by Mako (Dannic Mix).

Reading: Best of Yahoo Answers by College Humour.

Watching: ‘Rage Quit – Surgeon Simulator’ on YouTube by user Roosterteeth.

WHEN SHE CLAIMED NICKI MINAJ THREATENED TO SHOOT HER

Mariah and Nicki rarely ceased feuding while judges on American Idol.

But it reached its peak when Mariah hired extra security after telling reporters that Nicki said, “If I had a gun, I would shoot the fucking bitch”.

1

ELAINE YEO // ARTS & LAW II

WHEN SHE SINGS THE FUCKING ROOF OFF

Mariah may talk the talk, but she can also walk the walk. After 24 years in the business, 18 US number one hits and 200 million album sales, The Voice is still going strong. And yes, she can still hit those whistle notes.

EMILY THOMAS // ARTS II Listening to: CHVRCHES. Reading: The Hobbit

by J.R.R. Tolkien.

Watching: Game of Thrones.

ISSUE 01 37 COW & HORNS

HAVE A COW LIAM CARRIGAN IS FED UP WITH CULTURAL SNOBS. I MAY AS WELL BE HONEST ABOUT IT: I have pretty questionable taste, even for a homosexual. I still feel an existential dread as people peruse my iTunes library, just in case they discover that I once purchased a Kreayshawn album.

At Sydney University, this can be an especially sticky situation. I highly doubt that I will ever manage to live down my numerous sins, which involve drunkenly reciting a Lil’ Kim verse at a SASS poetry slam and publicly declaring my adoration for Paris Hilton’s classic self-titled album.

My Facebook feed has served as a tribute to The Real Housewives of Beverley Hills and Heidi Montag’s plastic surgery. Seemingly, the only universally acceptable piece of popular culture around these parts is Game of Thrones, which I am terrified to accuse of unbearably slow pacing, lest I be socially ostracised for the duration of my degree.

I even had the horrible misfortune of self-consciously declaring my love for the apparently trendy, kooky and hip ‘Frances Ha’ in a desperate attempt to rebuild my fallen profile. In response, a friend opined, “Typical, the acting was insufferable so I’m not surprised you would like it.” For Christ’s sake, I even went to the effort of seeing it

BEYJAY

KIMYE

ROB NORTH BRUSHES THE DIRT OFF HIS SHOULDER, AND LETS THE WORLD KNOW BEYJAY ARE IRREPLACEABLE. Shawn Corey Carter and Beyoncé Giselle Knowles are the closest thing we have to a hip-hop royal couple. The hustler King Hova and the forever fierce Queen Bey have dominated the charts and our hearts for over a decade, amassing a private fortune and over 30 Grammys between them, all the while laying the blueprints for their daughter’s future business empire.

Please ignore this college dropout and his channel E! wife to be and continue to enjoy the lyrical and musical genius of the crazy in love BeyJay. It’s true that in his early career Kanye West worked closely with Jay-Z as a songwriter and producer, but it was Jay’s smooth flow and cool persona that raked in the cash money. Put simply, without Jay-Z there would be no Kanye.

Kanye has since slumped into hanging with the altogether generic rapper 2 Chainz, best known for his utterly infantile line, “She got a big booty so I call her big booty”.

And while Kim Kardashian relies on a sextape scandal and a trashy reality television show, Beyoncé shines with genuine talent.

KimYe may be watching the throne, but we all know who’s sitting on it. Bow down bitches, BeyJay run this town tonight.

at the Sydney Film Festival so I could truly feel like a wanker! Will you people ever be impressed???

Just because someone regularly reads WHO magazine, watches Duck Dynasty or believes Miley Cyrus is a feminist icon, doesn’t mean they are any less of a person.

I, for one, won’t be that individual who “doesn’t want to be friends with someone who disrespects Lady GaGa”, which was a rather unfortunate contributing factor to the ending of a friend’s romance.

You have a unique opportunity to discuss and debate taste and culture amongst the sharpest minds in the country. Don’t let it get personal.

LOUISA STUDMAN TAKES A BREAK FROM THE TV TO GO HAM, AND SHE AIN’T SHOWIN’ NO MERCY.

LOCKING HORNS BEYJAY VS. KIMYE

I’m not ashamed to say I keep up with the Kardashians. I’ve been watching lovingly over the KimYe romance since its inception, and have come to the conclusion that Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are the perfect celebrity couple.

When it comes to real life drama, KimYe are far more willing to delight us with their very public antics.

If Kim's wedding to some loser basketballer cost $10 million, then the KimYe wedding is ‘Bound 2’ be at least twice as big.

Last time round, the Kardashian family pulled out all the stops: family facelifts, a thousand roses delivered via air freight from Africa, and personalised pashminas for the blessed attendees. No doubt her marriage to Yeezus will be the most beautifully obscene display of nouveau riche splendour E! has ever seen.

Meanwhile, Jay Z and Beyonce got married a whole six years ago, and what’s more, in a private ceremony, which is no fun for anyone else.

Finally, and there’s no sugar coating this, North West is way cuter than Blue Ivy. Judging the power couples by the calibre of progeny, KimYe take it out – no contest.

Jay Z and Beyonce might be celebrity royalty, but really, what’s a King (and Queen) to a God (and Goddess)?

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ISSUE 01 39 ARTS

ARTS THE VINYL RESURGENCE

KATIE DAVERN DISCOVERS THAT THE RENEWED INTEREST IN VINYL IS MORE THAN JUST A TREND IT DOESN’T TAKE MUCH to notice the growing popularity of that medium of music which was once supreme: the vinyl record. With global events like Record Store Day established in 2007, vinyl has been creeping up on the radar, trying to snuggle back into music collections like it did decades ago.

And people are letting it.

Australia’s music scene is thriving despite what the critics and threatening late-night lockouts suggest. Although 2013 figures are yet to be released, last year the Australian Recording Industry Association (ARIA) announced a 4 per cent increase in the value of the Australian recorded music industry in 2012. What’s more, vinyl album sales increased by more than 70 per cent in 2012 according to the ARIA data.

These figures are no surprise to Paul Rigby, Manager of Zenith Records, the last remaining vinyl manufacturer in Australia.

Rigby was working in the CD industry for 15 years before moving into the vinyl trade.

“I guess I sort of briefly flirted with CDs,” Rigby admits, “but I guess making them, knowing what they’re worth, knowing

how streamlined the process was, my thoughts, and I think a lot of others, was that it was a really cynical exercise in cutting costs for the majors.”

In the US, CD sales declined 14.5 per cent last year alone according to Nielsen SoundScan data and CDs are slowly but surely losing their majority in Australian music sales too.

“I think the novel, futuristic laser technology we were told about wore pretty thin as technology advanced. CDs are very much old school...they’ve been devalued, they outdated pretty quickly and at the end of the day, you had a digital medium there that the kids, well everyone, was downloading and I think there’s something kind of classic about vinyl,” Rigby says.

Sydney indie punk outfit Endless Heights release their music on vinyl as well as CD but guitarist Jem Siow says that their fans are buying much more vinyl. “With vinyl records, it’s more of a physical [thing] and it’s personalised because it’s printed on vinyl, and none of them are the same, the artwork is much bigger and it’s something you can hold on to rather than a CD dual case which breaks.”

Siow offers another reason for the vinyl record’s boost in popularity: “I think it’s kind

of a niche thing. Obviously people that listen to Justin Timberlake and stuff will buy Justin Timberlake CDs but not necessarily Justin Timberlake vinyl.”

Although Zenith may be the only record manufacturer in the country, Rigby believes that Australians are buying more vinyl per capita, compared to our overseas counterparts. In 2012, when things were looking gloomy for the iconic Brisbane record store Rocking Horse, it was the demand for vinyl that pushed their sales up and essentially saved the store.

Still, according to Nielsen SoundScan, US vinyl sales grew 32 per cent last year and labels like Rough Trade have been opening and closing record stores in San Francisco, Paris, Tokyo, London and, at the end of last year, Rough Trade opened a brand new store in New York. Doubling as a live music venue, Rough Trade NY has played host to an impressive bill of acts already, including Danny Brown, James Vincent McMorrow, Television and even Sydney kids Jagwar Ma. As for the future of vinyl in Australia?

Rigby prophesises: “We think that it’s probably going to be as resurgent as this for the next four or five years... it will probably decline but it won’t disappear.”

40 BULL USU.EDU.AU REVIEWS

REVIEWS

WATCH: TRUE DETECTIVE NIC PIZZOLATTO

WATCH: HER SPIKE JONZEO

LISTEN: POST TROPICAL JAMES VINCENT MCMORROW

WATCH: MACHETE KILLS ROBERT RODRIGUEZO

HBO’s latest offering True Detective, a hardboiled detective serial firmly rooted in the film noir genre, is another show that tries exceedingly hard to convince us that dark and brooding overtones make for supposedly “gritty” drama.

It doesn’t.

Woody Harrelson and Matthew McConaughey are homicide detective partners on the hunt for a serial killer who has a fetish for satanic rituals.

There’s only so much deference to the classics we can take, and sadly True Detective often feels like a shallow parody of the show it wants to be.

However the vision that the show lacks in content, it makes up for by moving away from a formulaic format. What makes the series interesting is that it will follow an anthology format, with each season consisting of different characters and a different narrative arc. It also plays with timelines (which Person of Interest has perfected), jumping across 17 years of the investigation.

It’s a bold move which will keep audiences engaged despite clichéd characterisation, and hopefully signals a more positive future for the show.

Despite mixed feelings, I say welcome back hardboiled crime fiction, we have truly missed you!

It’s an odd, sad so-called love story we are drawn into by Spike Jonze’s Her. In a tech-centric society in the not so distant future, Theodore Twombly (Joaquin Phoenix) is a lonely, gentle writer. In a haze of depression during his impending divorce to Catherine (Rooney Mara), Theodore turns to the latest in mobile operating systems: the artificially intelligent, husky voiced Samantha (Scarlett Johansson).

Phoenix, who is onscreen by himself for the majority of the film, seems authentically vulnerable and more than a bit pathetic. His 1920s inspired high-waisted pants and moustache, the latest fashion revival in the film’s futuristic world, are worthy of a chuckle and do well to accentuate his tragic character traits. Sadly, the female characters fall flat and are underdeveloped, particularly highlighted by Olivia Wilde’s short and blistering cameo.

In the vein of Michel Gondry’s Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Her meditates on where we are and where we might be going, but falls short of the impact and depth achieved by Gondry.

Trite one-liners and apparent insights into the technologically induced acceleration of our loneliness and need for control will win some hearts over. But it’s the sadness that will stay, well after leaving the cinema.

If you’ve ever dreamt of running away into the woods, sleeping under the stars and reflecting on past love, Post Tropical is probably your soundtrack. Mellow and poetic, James Vincent McMorrow maintains his folk influences whilst exploring a new electronic sound.

McMorrow’s undeniable talent lies in his incredibly controlled, mystical voice. Melodically, there are some stunning moments in this album, with soaring falsetto and touching dynamic range.

However the album lacks variety at times, drifting from song to song often imperceptibly. The whole record evokes a generally sad, pensive feel, leaving the listener a little numb.

This being said, there are some true gems here. ‘Red Dust’, ‘Glacier’ and ‘Gold’ particularly give insight into McMorrow’s composition ability. While each song takes a great deal of time to develop, hanging out for the bridge will reward listeners with rich harmonies and thoughtful lyrics.

But the true star of Post Tropical is ‘Cavalier’. Nostalgic and calm, yet emotional, McMorrow has made an important contribution to the electronic genre, exposing a James Blake-like influence in his dancing melody line.

With Post Tropical, McMorrow has dared to be innovative, and has revealed a great potential. And with a voice like his, it’s certain he is an artist to keep a close eye (and ear) on.

Imagine if Austin Powers had been directed by Quentin Tarantino’s Mexican equivalent in the nadir of a serious bender, was set around the US-Mexico border, and had in it a character played at various points

by Cuba Gooding Jr, Lady Gaga and Antonio Banderas. If that movie managed to unashamedly steal the plot of Moonraker, but in a Star Wars way.

Imagine if Charlie Sheen was the President.

Machete Kills makes the Hank Scorpio episode of The Simpsons look like the real deal and not the parody. And it’s amazing.

In the words of the batshit crazy villain Luther Voz (Mel Gibson), eponymous lead Machete Cortez (Danny Trejo) is “one genuine article, Genghis Khan, high-calibre fuckerpeople-upper”. As an illustration, playing the Machete drinking game (one sip for every kill and one-liner) will put the conservative sipper through four beers in a sitting.

Writer-director Robert Rodriguez has outdone himself in the second film of his Machete franchise, continuing his tradition of making guns look like things that shouldn’t be guns but are funny when they are guns (so guitars, dicks and boobs).

This movie really doesn’t pretend to be anything it isn’t. Don’t overthink it. Just strap yourself in and feel the cheese.

PS: The next one’s IN SPACE.

VIRAT NEHRU

ZOE MORSE

ERIN ROONEY

PIERCE HARTIGAN

ISSUE 01 41 REVIEWS

EXPERIENCE ARCHITECTS OF AIR – EXXOPOLIS // SYDNEY OPERA HOUSE FORECOURT

I INTENTIONALLY WENT INTO Exxopolis without knowing what awaited me. My only clue was that it was made of inflatable plastic and that it was created by a collective of installation artists known as Architects of the Air. Exxopolis most closely resembles a Cathedral, albeit one constructed entirely from inflatable plastic. Domed ceilings, with intricate geometric patterns, illuminate vast rooms.

One room contained an intricately wrought luminescent tree.

Everywhere there are alcoves for you to escape and sit and watch. The mood it evokes is different for different people.

For adults it is quiet and reflective. For children, it is a giant playground full of wonderment. For everyone, it is full of new things to discover – it is never static.

Only sometimes did the fragility of the form give way to reminders of practical reality. Seams, zippers and air vents were, as the hypnosis wore off, visible in the alcoves that dotted the rooms and corridors. Staff roamed the space, warning patrons who were too boisterous within the fragile structure.

I think I was inside for about 40 minutes (double the suggested 20). Couples that were there when I entered – ensconced in alcoves, deep in conversation – were still there when I left. Losing track of time was easy, meditative music played softly, the light was hypnotic and the people were interesting to watch. I saw a father aim his camera on a child running about the space. He took his photos, checked to make sure they captured the ecstasy of his progeny, and then chided him for disobeying the no running rule.

The structure is vast and majestic. The light changes subtly and constantly depending on where in the space you are. The sun passes through membrane-like coloured plastic and creates a palette that is constantly intermingling and metamorphosing. There were no straight lines; corridors that looked familiar seemed to lead somewhere entirely different. In the time I was lost inside no space ever perfectly duplicated itself.

What I experienced could most succinctly be described as surprise, not shock, and a delicate and subtle discovery and re-discovery of a soft and enchanting place.

SEAN O’GRADY

Photo by Vincent Power

Bruce Springsteen, High Hopes: Confident, playful but excessively dramatic.

Young Fathers, Dead: A sensational blend of hip hop, rap and pop. Not quite the sound you’d expect to come from a Scottish trio.

Broken Bells, After The Disco: A 70s vibe, freakishly similar to The Bee Gees at times. Unexpected melodic turns and glitchy electro. It’ll grow on you.

The Jezabels, The Brink: In one word: anthemic.

Hayley’s vocals work a treat. No yawns here.

Papa vs Pretty, White Deer Park: Impassioned vocals.

Tight sound. A satisfying balance between bedroom ballads and grungy rock.

The Fray, Helios: Significantly more upbeat. Gritty vocals singing nonsensical lyrics. Still annoyingly catchy.

Please just stick to Grey’s Anatomy soundtracks, fellas.

St. Vincent, St.Vincent: She’s finally back on (solo) track.

Intricate melodies. Thought-provoking vocals.

42 BULL USU.EDU.AU CLUB CONFIDENTIAL

CLUB CONFIDENTIAL ANNUAL ARTS FACULTY BALL

TARONGA ZOO // 1 NOVEMBER 2013 Arts Ball was a delicious night of glamour, scandal and mischief: the champagne was free and so were the morals. There were magnificent feats of daring, coupled with brawls and indignity at the faculty formal, where Sydney Uni’s hottest attended.

The setting of Sydney’s Taronga Zoo allowed guests to be greeted with a glorious menagerie of animals. There were tamers encouraging lions to jump through flaming hoops and giant elephants performing tricks that left the 120-seated hall in chuckles, doubling with a trick gone wrong concerning a future Presidential candidate and her hideous Louboutins. The room was enraptured by a dazzling array of strutting peacocks, with their puffed up chests and spectacular plumage – not to say that the birds weren’t excellent as well.

Dancing was rowdy, the food rich, the room blurry and couples near fornicating, while a Board Director performed a dance off with their United Nations co-worker. The incredible view was also the setting for a bizarre rendezvous between a first year politician and a law student.

University is a truly experimenting time it seems. The open air enhanced the atmosphere of freedom, though some students got a little too free, specifically a faculty society VP, incessant twitterer and club executive dropout, each turning to streaking while onlookers vomited in their mouths.

Organisers Luke Dassaklis and Mikaela Higgins acknowledged the vast alcohol consumption and guided students onto buses via shots of tequila, despite a close “friend” of this writer not leaving the bathroom and later finding regurgitated potato on their dress. The unofficial after party at Hotel Cremorne was the venue of drunken Darwinism as a dear first year Arts couple were rejected entry.

Inhibitions were forgotten and champagne best friends were made, with regrets the biggest hangover of all. Everyone drank until they could dance like Miley and hook-ups were discussed over McDonalds the next afternoon. The stress of exams was traded for a spectacular night of pinching heels and strangling bowties, where guests attending all went ballin’ at Arts Ball.

AMELIA ADAMS-ACTON

Sums up the night.

Greed is good.

Watch her blow a circle!

The serial killer is revealed.

Twerk it honey!

ISSUE 01 43 CLUB CONFIDENTIAL

A SHADES CHRISTMAS

SLY FOX HOTEL, ENMORE // 20 DECEMBER 2013

That’s certainly not Santa creeping up behind them…

A rather sweaty, sensual and salacious unwrapping of Lawrence Muskitta.

‘THROW YOUR HANDS UP’ music was playing. Likely suspects include Starships, Timber and Dynamite.

Rather rude really!

Such out of control louts ruin Christmas!

To celebrate the festive season and a massive year on campus, SHADES held their annual Christmas party, with all proceeds donated to the Gender Centre. Its parties are always eagerly anticipated, creating drama, shameful behavior and shady happenings.

This was a chance for many to dance, flirt and chat away the various successes and woes of semester, while attempting to start the coming holidays in a debauched fashion. This very author managed to twerk on a former presidential candidate in front of a group of vacuous, albeit intimidated, gays; be papped in a series of photos that were accompanied by insecure and self congratulatory #besties and #team hashtags the next day; and shoo a beloved friend, begging for ecstasy, far away.

Unfortunately the venue was goddamn hot (when will the Sly Fox invest in air conditioning!?). Irrespective of the fact we all began to resemble drowned, sweaty rats, the party went on all night long. Someone professed a sensual Sapphic desire for an exotic beauty, despite their ugly dress. A much beloved member of the far left experienced a dramatic nip-slip mid Rihanna song. A factional warrior went home with a staggering Baltic Hercules in a moment of weakness, and two campus identities dramatically hooked up in plain sight of a former boyfriend. A hypersexual man about town continued to stalk on innocent prey and one performing queen received her Christmas present in the bathroom.

The people pleasers continued to be surreptitiously inoffensive as they watched alcoholics drink away any semblance of dignity as ecstasy-fuelled twinks shimmied on ‘tha df ’.

The straight friends congratulated themselves for their bravery in publicly partying with everyone’s favorite minorities. Romances begun, bed sheets rustled and tears shed. Fortunately for SHADES goers, the next party will be no different.

LIAM CARRIGAN

Christmas is a time for #frendz and also apparently #dueces #sweaty #smilez

44 BULL USU.EDU.AU SHUTTER UP

SHUTTER UP UNTITLED PHOTOGRAPHER: KADE DENTON OLYMPUS E-520 FOCAL LENGTH: 42MM SHUTTER SPEED: 1/2 APERTURE: F/5.6 ISO: 400

SNAP!

Send us your unique, arty or just plain cool (as in, not another quad shot) campus snap to usubullmag@gmail.com.

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ISSUE 07 45 FUN

COMICS SEND YOURS TO US AT USUBULLMAG @ GMAIL.COM

BY WHITNEY DUAN

BY ERIN ROONEY

46 BULL USU.EDU.AU ASK ISABELLA

ASK ISABELLA ANIMAL LOVER Dear Isabella, Niece of Aunty Irene Lover of Daddy Mack Mother of three and to all those who need advice I am woman, hear me roar

I’ve been a vegetarian for four years and I really love animals but yesterday, when I was at the Bega cheese factory, I punched one of the cows. I don’t know why I did it. A staff member saw me and told me I had to leave.

They wrote down my name and I’m worried they might call my parents. Do you think I should ring the cheese people and apologise?

have lazy eyes. Those eyes always seem to be looking in the direction of my badoinkies. I don’t mind if they want to stare at my baby feeders, it’s the deceit I can’t stand. Yes, if you’re not plain looking, it’s best to err on the side of caution. Buy a white bra, write on it “I know you’re looking at my baloobas” and see if that don’t go and fix that lazy eye. ~ Bella xxx

~ Michael What a shame you had to leave the factory, they give you free blocks of cheese if you complete the survey at the end of the tour.

But really, you’re being a tad over dramatic about it all Michael. You don’t mind a bit of attention do you? I’m a very proud vegetarian myself but whenever I drink I love a sneaky sausage. A sneaky, cheeky sausage as my Daddy Mack likes to say.

Give up cheese for Lent and consider your dues to that cow paid. ~ Bella xxx

EYE PATCH Dear Isabella, This man I buy coffee from has a lazy eye and it makes me and the other customers really uncomfortable. Do you think I should ask him to start wearing an eye patch? ~ Jane That’s a very good question Jane, thank you for contacting me. As a general rule, I’m skeptical about people who claim to

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DOCTOR HARRY Dear Isabella, The other day I saw Doctor Harry from Better Homes and Gardens at the beach.

I asked him for his autograph and had my photograph taken with him. He looked really sad and it made me really sad. Why do I feel this way? ~ Alana Oh Alana, your letter did bring back some memories. I once knew Coops very, very well. I had a nasty hernia that he pummeled out of me. He let me wear his tweed hat the whole time. But an ibis needs a workbench and Rob Palmer looked mighty fine that balmy night nailing things.

There were feathers and they were ruffled.

But enough. Daddy Mack doesn’t like me talking about my past. To be honest, I feel quite uncomfortable that you would even write to me about Doctor Cooper. Please do not contact me here again. ~ Bella xxx

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