seasonal vessel
winter 2015-2016
alyssarorke@gmail.com bunkmatepoetry.tumblr.com
While walking to work after giving myself upwards of 8 minutes to get ready, I habitually look to my left at the reflections in the windows of parked cars. The passenger’s side of a minivan is smashed, undiscovered by its owner. Insurance policy for them, seven years of bad luck for me. “Now I’m Perfect” reads matching Frozen franchise backpacks worn by two girls walking to preschool, connected by a protective chain of hand-holding. I pass them with my ruthless gait. When I’m late it’s like a surprise session of exercise. Crossing an intersection on a green light, and I don’t have to go running later. In eyeshot there stand the futures of people I tangentially know, wearing Robert Wood Johnson University Hospital nametags. What is the opposite of a ghost? I’m always wearing a backpack. If I stay in New Brunswick, maybe one day I will be perfect.
Deep in bed before sleep When life slows down enough for me to count the calories I’m burning and the muscles I’m moving I try to see if what they say about smiling is true That it takes more energy to frown Alone and horizontal my cell phone is white hot in my hand and I don’t want to move any muscles to look at it I’m not using any energy I’m still counting my calories
One man said to the other, “I hope it’s a mild winter,” and they started arguing I almost long for the sound of shovels scraping against the pavement Waking me up on an obligation-free day Because nature blocks the roads The world ends every time it snows And we have more water than we know what to do with
My shoes are filled with rock salt And when the snow is the right amount of dirty, it looks like crumb cake dusted with powdered sugar. Where do you draw the line between looking for a solution and just wanting to complain? He sat next to me and I wondered what I had done right. He walked away and I wondered what I had done wrong. I watched Blue Crush and it didn’t cure my depression. I will want to take a bath and my feet are already at the spa. My shoes are filled with rock salt Embalming a little bit of winter Because maybe one day I’ll live in Hawaii and be sad there instead
Kylie Jenner Snapchat Discourse
Hollywood snow doesn’t melt It gets caught on your clothes and in your hair, in a cute way It doesn’t melt or get slippery yet it is such a nuisance some things are like that when they get out of control. Like the microbeads in your face wash and neck pillows What kind of plastic did you ingest to make your body so soft
I watched Blue Crush and it didn’t cure my depression selected chronological tweets, December 2015-February 2016 looking at the internet makes me feel BAD i just found out soda stream is an evil company goddammit
weed just makes me sad and my room smell bad. no weed 2k16 ?
i think im at that weird point of being sad where im ready to just suck it up and do somethign productive
i have eczema on my eyelids. now u know all my secrets
is the white house even nice or does it just look old as hell inside
more ppl gotta slide into my DMs bc i LOVE saying "slide into my DMs"
my “i” key keeps gettng stuck and honestly i thnk ts for the best!!!! holy shit piper chapman is the worst character on televsion. this isnt what i sound like is it
i relate to Lorna getting prison pen pals for emotional validation
when i got home today the sound of music soundtrack was blasting from my apartment
i never realized how great days off could be until today, a monday, and i dont have to go to work
i iwhs every day was my day off
i wish i was sixteen going on seventeen
orange is the new black is so fucking sad what the fuck
Just heard the worst most disappointing cover of Joni Mitchell's River on this Christmas station.. How dare u
My new thing is taking my lunch break at the vape shop
My new thing is getting high and looking at pictures of myself
Just trying to watch Ice Princess starring Michelle Trachtenberg right abt now
literally workin on my night cheese
just added Charlie Angels Full Throttle to my netflix queue I love that Christmas song that goes "everybody knows a turkey" bc it's true
I wish I was hot enough to trick people into loving me
im trying to quit punk but punk wont quit me
making today's lipstick last thru tomorrow
maybe i SHOULD go to grad school? grad school will make me feel better right?
decided to save grad school for when i realllllyy wanna go off the grid
sometimes at the end of the day i just feel like Melissa Joan Hart's character in Can't Hardly Wait in a dark place internet-stalking people from my 2009/2010 life
i love discovering that people i vaguely barely even knew from high school are getting engaged to each other
some people are so plain
OMG i love looking at old pictures and they look like they could be in delias catolgues. the FASHION. the DENIM. the RETRO PEASANT TOPS
omg s/o to old high school acquaintances that grew up to be very normal lesbians
ppl i knew in high school who didnt go to college look so happy on facebook this girl was so rich in high school... i bet shes *clicks on facebook* SO RICH NOW
Girls from High School with Symmetrical Faces
Hot People That Don't Really Know How to Take A Good Selfie
ive been facebook stalking ppl from my cold dead past for so long and i JUST came upon someone whos really into bernie sanders
thinking abt how as a teenager i was so scared to talk to boys and now i dont want boys to even look at me
i love seeing someones name and not remembering what they look like but remembering that they were hot Having a great time eating goat cheese rn omg
s/o to the girls from my hometown that are really into professional hula hooping at psychedelic music festivals. truly, s/o
interests: other people's cliques so much respect for girls i went to school w/ and ended up dating the older brothers of our classmates
also respect for high school bros who went on to art school and are visual artists now
just an announcement: smoking weed made me feel literally 100% better when i was sad today i wanna live in a city that has an "emo night" but first i need to know what "emo night" actually is also i need to not be scared to move
Does anyone want Boggle for Christmas? I want a reason to buy Boggle
Wrapped all my gifts! We don't have a tree so I put them under the coffee table.
i couldn't say persimmon before
also for a split second earlier i had the thought, "isn't goat cheese vegan?"
how is everyone doing tonight
do u ever skype yr crush something smells liek it's burning!!!
the taking back sunday music video thats like fight club is the first thing id show u if u asked what i was like in 7th grade
i dont like the implication that adam lazzara could be like brad pitt/tyler durden
emo in the early/mid 00s would have aged so much better if it hadnt been for music videos
next time i hear someone say that Fleas is their favorite bassist (a normal answer) i'm going to respond with "oh, mine's Tyson Ritter"
i respect tyson ritter because i wore bell bottoms in 2002 and so did he
the only music i like came out between 2000 adn 2002 honstly
do u like the Strokes? my friend showed me them when we were 12 and i'm only JUST "getting it"
all i remember is seeing Strokes music videos as i was entering my adolescence and thinking "ok, i cant be FULLY gay"
why didnt i grow up w more of my friends being Strokes fans? were they keeping it a secret? am i the only person who likes the Strokes?
i never know what bands people actually like anymore or which bands everyone just likes ironically
people are discovering vaporwave and im discovering the strokes its a retroactive world tbh
getting stoned and watching Love Actually AMA
billy bob thorton plays the US president in this movie which i guess shows how the UK sees america
Love Actually is a strangely warped movie that makes it look like everyones lives revolve completely around dating and getting married
What was it like to be a white scene boy in 2004? I'm having this discovery that it was a complicated time for sexuality and gender
I love the smell of bubble tape I'm trying so hard to sneakily get a pic of this kids yik yak socks
The thing I hate abt the holidays the most is when ppl cover River by Joni Mitchell. Don't do that
i cant believe i settle for a job that doesnt give me free lunch
I can't remember the last time I was in a stable wifi area
i really want those thick meaty nachos they serve at TGI Fridays Feeling the Christmas spirit today because I look good and everyone knows it
Everyone's in such a good mood today it's disgusting and I love it
Does anyone else confuse Kate Middleton and Kate upton hahaha but why doesnt julian casablancas play any instruments? theres too many ppl in the band
My boss looks like Bernie sanders
Having trouble getting along w the other queers at work
pome
advice i need to remind myself and others: the music and art yr peers make- that is labor. that is work. not a party trick!
s/o to the show bros around here who friended me when they thought they could get something out of me but then deleted me bc i was a bitch
too busy currently killin the game to reflect on this past year tbh
i have enough sweatpants but not enough underwear for the weekend hm
dear landlord the poop won't flush
A holiday that's hyped up so much that even the day before it is considered a holiday
So many great babies in b&n today
I think I have baby fever
I think if I had a baby I would just legally name it Baby because that's all I would call it The Grinch is an entire Christmas song dedicated to shitting on some guy who doesn't like Christmas
Which satellite radio station plays only Mariah Carey's All I Want For Christmas is You
Ellen Griswald is hot and it's all we can talk about
My head canon for home alone is that joe Pesci and that other guy are gay lovers
Baby boomers love talking about how much their kids are on their phones
I'm always defending my status as a millennial
I get very offended by the idea that "you kids are just always on ur phones and ur missing out on the world"
Me watching How the Grinch Stole Christmas starring Jim Carrey: "he's right tho�
Do people think Bruce Willis is attractive?
If I hear anyone talk about politics today I'm just going to let out a screeching high pitched scream
My mom and sister are talking abt engagement rings and baby announcements I'm just thinking like. Everyone I know is gay
didnt have to worry abt talking abt my ~love life~ at christmas bc my relatives already respected my commitment to dying my hair blonde
should i tinder in my hometown
My cousin talking about boring people: "they probably wash their faces every night before bed"
I can't wait to be in the stage of nostalgia where we talk about how silly our tattoos are that we got at 19. We're almost there right?
2016 predictions: i will get really into woman-fronted emo, will have a lot of crushes on people
in my stocking my mom put a device that can slash seatbelts and break the windshield if i am ever in a car accident and get stuck in the car
there is so much selfie stick hate in the world??
thinking about pll so much in the off season
why are libertarians in bands adding me on facebook
i must have been thrashing a lot in my sleep last night bc my moleskine is no longer on my bed
do white men not understand by now that i am not gunna book their band
honestly u put "+1 TBA" on a bill and they come at you like flies on dog shit
how old do u think kate hudson is supposed to be in Almost Famous Watching Gilmore girls and yelling "THE DISCOURSE!" every five minutes
sometimes i think i'm clairvoyant but then i realize i'm generally just really anxious
pls pray 4 me gunna be home alone for barely 2 hours so im going to pretend to be the breeders
every band really does sound like the breeders
okay how did everyone learn how to really shred bc i am plateauing on guitar rn
i dont "get" barre chords and i rly dont want to shld i pay fr guitar lessons? shld i wait 6 months to get promoted or find a new job now? i hope in 2016 i have answers to these questions
i cant wait to make everyone hate me for using the word "discourse" flippantly in 2016
is it healthy that i'm only really friends with a bunch of phoebes and chandlers?
Have they made any Legally Blonde references in HTGAWM yet Tindering recklessly at work
After work I'm buying two bottles of Andre for myself
I'm at a mansion party and just did Carrie underwood on karaoke
I got everyone at this party to do karaoke and I don't know anyone here
ive lost 4 twitter followers since i took mushrooms about an hour ago and didnt tweet abt it
How many resolutions did u break already?
i cant wait to bring back pogs in 2016
*logs on to shop online* ah yes i see that being skinny is still in
i keep accidentally adding maternity clothes to my cart what's yr source for overall dresses
do u think this is the year i could get into body chains? can i just casually start wearing like lingerie with a fur coat over it. i want to live like that
having an emotional moment bc i realized i have no choice but to do laundry regularly for the rest of my life. i drank too much coffee
there are so many make up artists and hair stylists on tinder
i cant wait to say "lmao" soo many times in 2016
instead of saying breakables i'm going to call them drum accessories from now on
im wearing three different lip glosses rn and quite frankly feelin like i can rule the world
bought 99 cent black nail polish bring on tough guy 2k16
What's yr favorite song to smoke weed to
Me Sara and Troy were college freshmen at all different times but we all listened to Kid Cudi that year in our lives
Lord please forgive me for talking so much shit Imagine u measured ur friendships by how much weed you've smoked w them
sang my chemical romance to myself while i painted my nails black
The stakes are high and so am I
that song Bedroom Talk by theStarting Line, to steal a line from laura, makes me feel like i just drank orange juice after brushing my teeth
me in 5 years probably: my blogging content was so good when i smoked weed every day
someone out there is bound to catch my vibe flirting idea: "wanna touch my bangs? i just conditioned them for the first time"
vinny just came home and he looks like harry styles rn i think because im not wearing my glasses
If I stop wearing glasses then everyone will see how bad my eyebrows are
whats the deal w cute ppl appearing in my life who also look like ppl who were very bad to me in the past
Expandable mesh laundry hampers have been the downfall of my adulthood as I know it True Life: I launched an indiegogo campaign bc my horoscope lead me to believe it would be a good idea
Extracurricular activities: Pen15 club member
saturday night listening to stoner metal
does anyone else call it Sun O?
my favorite iteration of the emo genre is "arguably prog" Corporations think people are stupid
i know theres a difference btwn young boys being plain uninformed abt rape culture and devils advocates but all of it just gives me agita
sometimes u gotta just eat three sweet potatoes to feel alright
occupation: composer of gmails
boring people love hoppy beer
I'm trying so hard to watch princess diaries online rn I'm asking ppl on tinder for help the princess diaries might be my favorite rated G movie and i still cannot find where to stream it online
my album of the year is the sound of sara writing songs
use yr social capital for good if yr going to use it at all
I explained what just happened in PLL to my roommates who don't care bc I didn't give them a chance to say no Vinny goes, "so who's B?"
i dont know whats going on in the country but i do know whats going on in Rosewood, Pennsylvania
In that ep of PLL i learned the drawbacks of trying to let ur enemies live their best lives Basket case is playing on the radio at work and I feel v zen
If I accidentally walk in on a serious conversation one more time I swear I am building a new room in this apartment
We're doing what we can with the few rooms we have I wish Adele was here to put her hand on my forehead
How much of what I do is out of pure catholic guilt?
Please be nice to me all the time every day
Black nail polish is slimming
Any Scorpio risings in the house
Every single movie I watch makes me cry
How can I kiss someone without letting them physically touch me I already know what movie I want to watch on my next date
Ppl at work who have never interacted w me outside of work keep telling me I remind them of Daria. They must think I'm miserable IRL
IRL = life outside work Tonight's episode is called: I Got Whiskey and Now Everything I Touch is Sticky
BREAKING: Band playing last at show that started late talks extensively in between songs
Does it mean that I have some kind of deficiency if I crave salt and vinegar chips multiple times a day
I love my friends, great job everyone Overhearing convo on break: "my favorite songs lyric-wise are Viva la vida, Boulevard of Broken Dreams, and Hotel California" u go girl
Omg I love 90s adult alternative Omg the first song I learned on guitar just came on. Can u guess what it was. Hint we are still on the 90s adult alternative station lmao
"That guy sucks" -me, about the guy you're thinking about hooking up with.
Talking to Sara about the best guitar players I've ever seen play irl and they're all women
Going to sleep under an electric blanket and dream about math rock most bands don;t know that i have long google docs dedicated to analyzing their latest album
gunna paint my nails while i watch PLL tonight but im worried that might hinder my livetweeting abilities
On top of being the girl who carries around a jar of peanut butter everywhere, today I became the girl who carries around nutritional yeast
does anyone put nooch on their pizza
Can't stop having dreams abt work :(
I hate the temps they're all so happy and love Harry Potter and school The temps are so full of life bc they don't work here full time all year round one of them even said she sad we're closed tomorrow wtf
Everyone and their mother literally is testing my patience today
In a long ass line at key food so I'm gunna tinder How young do u have to be to not be familiar w my chemical romance? 19? Last night I made a Thank You for the Venom joke that no one got
holy shit i love click bait
i read every article i see online about like a middle america high school student getting sent home for a ridiculous dress code violation
click bait and celebrity gossip those are my weaknesses. should write those down for the next time im asked at a job interview
sara just had her second day of nursing school and im already asking her to diagnose the strange things i have wrong with my body
if i had a tub i would take a bath literally every day maybe twice sometimes
listening to los campesinos bc i miss being a teenager
could i be a real writer one day
what is a real writer
You ever take ur shoes off at the therapists office? Makes it feel like ur at a sleepover
who is allowing macklemore to go on like this
the curve of using urban dictionary to find out what things mean when yr too young to understand vs. too old to understand
2016 goals: stop saying "rn" out loud instead of "right now"
i had a lot of great email correspondence while mercury was in retrograde yr all a bunch of cry babies
i hope no one ever finds me on twiter
just a girl who likes poetry and smoking weed
bernie sanders is stressing me out
i keep reading to my roommates these reports of ppl dying in cars in the blizzard to justify me putting off digging out my car just cooked w textured soy protein for the first time and boy does it smell bad before its seasoned!!
watching broad city reminds me of that time in my life when i was fun
i miss when i was more like ilana but its probably for the best that im not anymore
its 3am and im talking about the last season of broad city to an audience of zero
its 3am and im talking about the last season of broad city to an audience of zero
does anyone else like walk around everyday lowkey scared thinking about donald trump in office. i think about it a lot and it makes me upset
3am talking about my donald trump fears to an audience of zero
I'm not sure if Sylvia Plath is my favorite poet but she is definitely my favorite adult who has bangs i still havent really forgiven B.o.B. for getting Hayley Williams to do that terrible song w him
lately the closest i come to making out is sipping a glass of water while browsing click baity celebrity gossip articles
Should I apply to work at a parent-trap-style sleepaway summer camp for over privileged white girls?
They sell vegan peanut butter cups at the cafe.... A new weakness to talk about on job interviews
I need a self care day for my cuticles
honestly my dream vacation rn wouldbe visiting a southern california beach and listening to nothing but sugar ray & everclear the whole time
the Girl Who Called Me Fat At Prom will never ever been known by any other name by me for as long as i live
I love eating stinky cheese in public
Ppl get annoyed w the woman who talks to herself in the cafe but I see men doing virtually the same thing when they're on dates here
I'm a guest speaker in a class today and I'm gunna get a student to swipe me into the dining hall after
I watched Blue Crush and it didn't cure my depression
Is it too mean to say to someone, I have all the male friends I need thanks I wish I was dead bc everyone hates me and my socks always smell bad
I'm having a hard time
In part of my dream last night I remember being in my elementary school cafeteria and saying "I am so tired every minute of every day"
19 yr old boy at party last night described to me how the septum ring is the new gay signifier to replace the male earring on the right ear
wow i just sold a rhonda rousey book to the coolest lesbian the I DONT CARE/I LOVE IT song is a gift to our generation
i just had to listen to a bunch of boys talk about jazz and my phone was dead so now i'm having a beer
fucking tell me more about brian eno and steely dan's discography, please
every other sport is so much better than football
according to facebook on this day seven years ago i became friends with the guy who sold me weed in high schoool
i went from being protective of my town to being protective of my state to being protective of my tri-state area
beyonce is going to save our country
i wish straight girls wouldnt come to me for dating advice u should know by now tht i only trust 3 men & the one yr dating isnt one of them the only part of my life that is truly organized is my google drive
im too hot for retail
do i have to care about kathleen hanna. is it ok if i dont
i need to leave
thought i had mono for an entire year it turns out i just hated my job
My ideal job? An office full of women, where the weird guy from shipping and receiving doesn't ask me out
everyone stop paying attention to kanye west and pay attention to me my roommates are listening to doo wop and its making me feel better but also more sad
i dont think i could live with people who don't like doo wop..
seeing corporations and brands appropriate zines and other things i hold dear makes me want to curl up into a ball and go to sleep forever
just accidentally put myself on suicide watch by telling my roommates about all the things that make me sad and anxious
sometimes i cant get out of bed in the morning because im afraid that feminism isnt doing enough
sara's trying to make me feel better by suggesting that we set up some dominoes and knock them down and i'm still crying
I never want to see a high-res video of me reading poetry ever
I don't trust ppl who share high-res videos of themselves giving a reading
I'm a low-res poet ok If grad school were free I'd go to all of them
Today's a good day to let me know if ur in love with me I'm not starting my day until someone brings me breakfast in bed
haven't gotten out of bed yet bc I've been debating whether it's acceptable to walk around in front of Vinny in just tights and a sweatshirt
Why do women date men? I blame u for me feeling insecure about walking around in just tights in front of my male roommate
But also why DO women date men?? Why does anyone date men....
Did the world end yet
Should I turn my electric blanket back on or should I get out of bed Self care day: taking a shower
Self care day: (hopefully) eating something before dinner time
Self care day: leaving my room
Self care day: brushing my hair, putting on Chapstick and making kissy faces in the mirror
Self care day: brushing my teeth Self care day: acknowledging that everything I do isn't pointless
criss-cross applesauce is destroying the crotches of all my pants
put "lmao sos" on my tombstone