Cryptic

BUZZSAW

November 2017

First Ladies pg. 8

You Don’t Always See It, But It’s There pg. 25

Believe it or not

Scare-acters: Where Your Favorite Characters Come From pg. 29

Buzzsaw presents...

EDITORS’ COMMENT

The Cryptic Issue

News & Views Upfront

Ministry of Cool Prose & Cons Cryptids are all around us, hiding in our text messages, Sawdust lurking beneath the water, creeping in the woods. But Seesaw

who decides what, or who, is cryptic? Aren’t we all crypLayout tic in some way? Read on to find out.

What are the societal implications of whitewashing religion? Buzzsaw examines if we can still accept an image of religion that is rooted in imperialism and the subjugation of other races in favor of the “white savior complex.”

(Jesus Wasn’t White Though p. 13).

Art Website Social Media Production

Language — especially in academia — has become increasingly complicated, as people use obscure, vague wordings to try to sound smart. But concerns have been raised that overly complex writing perpetuates inequalAdvisor ity. (What Does That Even Mean p. 20).

If you’ve taken a college film class, you’ve probably been exposed to David Lynch. But watching a David Lynch film is a totally different beast than understanding it. (The Key To Unlocking David Lynch p. 31).

Divider and Table of Contents Photography

By Maya Rodgers

BUZZSAW: The Cryptic Issue

BUZZSAW

Maya Rodgers is a Freshman at Ithaca College majoring in Communication Management and Design with a hopeful minor in Graphic Design. Her hometown is Allentown, Pennsylvania. Her photographic interests include nature photography, black and white film photography, and travel photography. Outside of photography and design, she plays field hockey and enjoys hiking.

Mila Phelps-Friedl Alexis Morillo Evan Popp Alex Coburn Kimberly Caceci Jordan Aaron Julia Tricolla Tatiana Jorio Tara Eng Brianna Pulver Claire McClusky Christine McKinnie Kevin Swann Maya Rodgers Will Cohan

Jeff Cohen

Founders Abby Bertumen Kelly Burdick Bryan Chambala Sam Costello Thom Denick Cole Louison James Sigman

Buzzsaw is published with support from the Ithaca College Student Governance Council and the Park School of Communications.

Vanguard Printing is our press. (Ithaca, N.Y.) Buzzsaw uses student-generated art and photography and royalty-free images.

Views expressed in this magazine are not necessarily those of the editorial staff or of Ithaca College.

Feedback and contributions should be sent to buzzsawmag@gmail.com.

Front cover art by Claire McClusky Center art by Josie Sepel Back cover art by Claire McClusky

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Write Us Our magazine exists to inspire thoughtful debate and open up the channels through which information is shared. Your comments and feedback are all a part of this process. Reach the editors by email at: buzzsawmag@gmail.com.

Table of Contents Seesaw ..........................................................7 Print media is dead, check out multimedia on the web.

News & Views .................................................8 Current events, local news & quasi-educated opinions.

Upfront ........................................................17 Selected dis-education of the month.

Ministry of Cool ........................................28 Arts, entertainment and other things cooler than us.

Prose & Cons .............................................38 Short fiction, personal essay and other assorted lies.

Satire threatening the magazine’s credibility since 1856.

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BUZZSAW News & Views

Sawdust .......................................................45

buzzcuts

why do we believe in conspiracy theories?

Conspiracy theories are all around us. Most of them are absurd — think Alex Jones and Infowars, claims that George W. Bush was behind the 9/11 terrorist attack, or arguments that the Holocaust never happened. Why is it that so much of society believes one conspiracy theory or another. Why do these theories continue to proliferate?

Science may have the answer. Two studies from Applied Cognitive Psychology have found a common thread between those who believe in conspiracies: a feeling of a lack of control over their lives.

Because of this, conspiracies tend to be created in times of upheaval, uncertainty and fear. This could be the answer to why there are so many 9/11 and JFK assassination conspiracy theories.

Worry not! The studies found that a sense of control can prevent people from believing conspiracy theories. So, we just need to make people feel stable and secure in their lives.

Great, problem solved.

News & Views

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Horoscopes: Images by thirdyear Julia Tricolla; horoscopes by third-year Alexis Morillo

Cryptic Text Messages: Third-year Julia Tricolla wants to know who’s in your inbox?

Ithaca Myth Map: First-year Maya Rodgers explores the myths on Ithaca College’s campus

Visit: www.buzzsawmag.org Subscribe: www.youtube.com/buzzsawmag 7

News & Views

Donald Trump Makes Sense: Third-year Tatiana Jorio lives in a different reality.

One where Donald Trump makes sense.

First Ladies

The unelected, unofficial, unpaid job of 45 women and counting

By Isabel Brooke, Staff Writer

BUZZSAW: The Cryptic Issue

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he title of “first lady” comes with no official job description and no salary. Given this, the expectations of women who occupy the role are absurd. The position exists solely out of a precedence which was established in a different historical context, before the movement for equal pay for equal work existed, before it was even the norm for women to work and before women were granted agency over their own bodies with the Roe v. Wade decision. Tradition alone provides the rigid framework of behavior in which the first lady is expected to remain. She is heavily critiqued if she strays from the role defined by influential first ladies like Martha Washington, who set the precedent of first lady serving as social hostess, along with Eleanor Roosevelt and Lady Bird Johnson, both of whom expanded the role and its power into what it resembles today.

In fact, the White House Historical Association notes that the term “First Lady of the Land” became commonplace by the turn of the 20th century, and that it wasn’t until the 30s and 40s that it was shortened to “First Lady” with Lou Hoover and Eleanor Roosevelt. So the actions of the wives of our presidents today are shaped by women who aimed to please and satisfy the expectations, stereotypes and biases held by the American public in the 1800s and 1900s.

To figure out what it means to be first lady, let’s start with Martha Washington, who, as the first to occupy the role, set some important standards. The National First Ladies’ Library writes that she is responsible for the precedent of the first lady serving as a social hostess. Her eight years as first lady were notably documented as “extremely unpleasant to her personally,” and she was subject to restrictions placed on her by her husband’s secretary.

Nearly 150 years later, Eleanor Roosevelt significantly shaped the role during the 1930s and into the 40s. She was significantly more personally engaged in advancing her husband’s agenda, and was also

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the first to hire a “salaried executive clerk” to assist with social events and renovations in the White House.

She communicated with the public through her daily “My Day” column and other various magazine articles, promoted social justice, held women-only press conferences and furthered the president’s political agenda, in addition to carrying out the ceremonial duties of first lady as White House hostess. In her years as first lady, Eleanor Roosevelt increased the influence and responsibility of the role, a change which would influence generations to come.

Still, the position was unofficial and unsalaried, and as Eleanor had married into it, she was given no choice but to assume it. Like with Martha Washington, Maurine Beasley, professor emerita of journalism at University of Maryland, notes

Image by Claire McClusky that Eleanor “did not want to be first lady.” Lorena Hickok, one of Roosevelt’s closest confidants during Franklin’s time in office, even wrote a book on the matter entitled Reluctant First Lady. Eleanor reinvented the role in an impressive way, but reluctantly so, and with no compensation.

Lady Bird Johnson again redefined the role of first lady during her term from 1963 to 1969. She called upon her impressive resume and educational background when making history as the first first lady to go on the

campaign trail without her husband in a “four day, 47-town solo whistle-stop tour to campaign… in the South,” Scarlet Neath of The Atlantic reported. She was the first to have her own press secretary and chief of staff, and established the successful Head Start program, which continues to provide assistance to low-income families today. But again, the work that she did went unpaid.

So, according to documented history, the role of first lady is a sometimes meaningless, often decorative and always restrictive one with largely ceremonial work which has brought about unhappiness for many of the women who are forced to occupy it. Their actions, words and outfits are scrutinized relentlessly, and they don’t get a dime for it.

And that’s pretty much where we are today. In my opinion, Michelle Obama was a classically successful first lady—she chose a cause to champion, dutifully carried out her ceremonial responsibilities, was poised and elegant and represented her husband well, and tops all the recent rankings of most stylish first ladies. She did an admirable job in adhering to the created tradition, hitting the elusive first lady bullseye “of being effective, but not overreaching,” as Neath characterizes it. While she left some big shoes to fill, Michele Obama did not redefine or update the role in any significant way.

Melania Trump, on the other hand, while only 9 months into her term, might not even be on the dartboard yet. She has been largely absent, often leaving Ivanka responsible for the ceremonial first lady duties. Despite, or perhaps to spite her husband, she chose to combat cyberbullying, but her efforts to date have been minimal.

Media coverage of Melania often focuses on either her apparently cold relationship with the president or her fashion choices. Though I can only speculate, her slow entrance into the limelight and delayed move to Washington suggest a reluctant (at best) assumption of the role. And unlike with many other first ladies, she married a businessman, not a

gests resistance.

From everything I’ve learned, it’s easy to agree that first ladies aren’t in an enviable position. Penciled into the margins of their marriage vows is a four-to-eight year recipe for unhappiness, as the role of first lady comes with no official rulebook but constant scrutiny, high expectations, a complete lack of privacy, and no room for autonomy or independence.

Undeniably, the position is due for an update, but what might that look like? As the White House Historical Association points out, “the spouses of presidents are not elected to serve, but they cannot avoid the reality of being married to the leader of the nation.” This is true — but what of the other side of the coin? The spouses of presidents are not elected to serve, so they should hold no influence and should be paid little mind by the American public. The fact that they are married to the president is meaningless, besides the private, supportive role it might imply. Still, the argument could be made that the historical role of first lady has evolved into something too significant to sacrifice, and anyway, a White House host is an important role of hospitality. The office of the First Lady does the necessary work of organizing the social and ceremonial White House events. The fact remains, though, that the position as it exists is a sexist one which assumes that the president’s spouse sacrifices much of her life with no compensation. So how do we give this position the update it so desperately needs?

The solution seems as simple as renaming the position and giving the job to someone more suited for it— namely, someone who wants it. Call them the East Wing Director, and let the president name a qualified appointment. They would run the East Wing Office, manage and oversee the East Wing staff, serve as social host of the White House and promote social justice through various initiatives, either in coordination with the president’s agenda or outside of it. It would be a paid, dignified position, and it would be reserved, like most jobs, for someone who wants it.

Most importantly, it would allow the president’s spouse to maintain privacy and agency. This doesn’t have to be a point of controversy: Angela Merkel’s husband Joachim Sauer, for example, is unproblematically absent from the political limelight as

he works as a chemist and professor.

Again, Americans elect the president, not their spouse.

Yes, this reimagining of the role leaves kinks to be worked out and details to be thought through. Obviously. But I would argue that it is far preferable to our current situation, as it respects the life, privacy and autonomy of the president’s spouse and addresses this sexist, constructed, uncompensated role in our government.

It is absurd that at this point in the American story, with the suffragist movement and three distinct waves of feminism, with the passage of Title IX and multiple equal pay policies behind us, that an office as public as this one and as rooted in sexist tradition exists and has persisted into 2017. A Clinton presidency, while arguably preferable to Trump’s for more than a few reasons, would have likely sparked a long overdue reappraisal of the role and notion of first lady, with a figure as dignified as a former president forced to assume and take on the responsibilities of such a stereotypically feminine role.

Perhaps Melania Trump’s apparent resistance to the role as it exists now is an indication that she could be a catalyst for change. Nonetheless, the messaging from the White House remains, intentionally or not, that the first lady’s work is valueless. It is compensation discrimination, sanctioned by our government in one of the most public offices in America. It is an injustice which has only directly affected 45 women, but which subtly reinforces the messages that wives exist only in relation to their husband, that denying agency and choice to women is okay, and that the work that first ladies do is less valuable, even valueless. Melania Trump and every woman deserves the right to shape her own future.

This doesn’t, by any means, end with the reconstruction of the role of presidential spouse, but it’s a high profile and influential place to start. ____________________________________ Isabel Brooke is a second year Philosophy-Religion and Politics major who hopes to never become the 46th First Lady of the United States. They can be reached at ibrooke@ithaca.edu.

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News & Views

politician; this position was not one she could have known she was marrying into. It seems unlikely that she would have desired to be first lady, and she hasn’t gone to great lengths to hide this fact.

And in the scrutiny of her fashion choices and criticism of her absence, there is little discussion of the fact that Melania Trump, in the last year, has been almost completely deprived of her freedom, autonomy, and privacy — involuntarily. Instead of respecting the life she built for herself, her personhood and autonomy, we focus on her choice to wear stilettos in hurricane relief efforts, or the puffy pink dress she donned to deliver her United Nations address in September.

Nevertheless, Melania dutifully chose a cause to champion in early November 2016, before the election.

Of all things, she chose to combat cyberbullying, saying that “our culture has gotten too mean and too rough,” and that “we have to find a better way to talk to each other, to disagree with each other, to respect each other.” It isn’t necessary to point out the irony in this choice. It’s so obvious, so pointed, that I frankly have a hard time believing that it’s anything but a resentful jab at her husband. Some have said of the choice that it isn’t her place to speak out against cyberbullying because given her husband’s track record, it’s incredibly hypocritical.

It seems to me, though, that she is perfectly positioned to combat cyberbullying. She holds clout with the people who look up to and may be influenced by Donald Trump’s malicious, harmful language online.

If she concentrated her efforts and supported her husband’s political agenda, President Trump would be expected to return the favor by supporting Melania’s cause, and perhaps his rhetoric would soften and mature.

This hypothetical assumes Melania’s desire and motivation to “play the game” and bring about change in this way, which given her apparent reluctance thus far, seems like a long shot.

However, a recent New York Times article by Katie Rogers suggests that she is preparing to “formally start a platform in the coming months” and that she has “ramped up her public appearances in recent weeks.” It is perhaps too early to place a value judgment on Melania’s term as first lady, but her slow start certainly sug-

The Mandela Effect Is Nelson Mandela really dead? One writer explores the conspiracy theory

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BUZZSAW: The Cryptic Issue

By Meredith Burke, Contributing Writer

ut of all the conspiracy theories out there, perhaps one of the strangest is the Mandela Effect.

Many people find this theory unsettling, partially due to its wide range of topics. From things as simple and irrelevant as the name of a children’s T.V. show, to as quintessential as the death of a president, most people can recall at least once in their lifetime when they had felt the effects of this theory. Hundreds of websites, videos and posts have been made on the topic, whether sharing a theory or trying to find out its meaning.

But, what is the Mandela Effect?

In the world of information that we live in, with an unlimited amount of sources to potentially study from, the answers can get a bit muddled. However, we’re going to try to answer this the best we can.

The best place to start seems to be the theory’s origins. The Mandela Effect’s official website was created in 2010 by Fiona Broome, who coined the term about this rising phenomenon inspired by one of the effect’s most iconic theories: the death of former South African President Nelson Mandela. The website initially started as just an archive of “alternate memories” collected by herself and her friends, however, it began developing a large following a few years ago.

As for what alternate memories mean, according to the official website, an alternate memory is what happens when someone has a clear, personal memory of something that does not exist in this reality. This is strengthened by the fact that many people who have alternate memories — for the most part total strangers — can remember several of the exact same details of an event that didn’t happen.

While this appears entirely implausible and unexplainable, this phenomenon has been explained by two main theories. One of them is that there are multiple parallel or similar universes or realities, which we can

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slide between, typically by entering a specific, seemingly mundane place that can serve as a vortex.

I’ll provide a bit of an exaggerated example here. The sky is blue, as you all know, however, you wake up one day and see that it’s green. You assume you are under a chemical attack by aliens, and you rush to warn your mother and tell her to get into the bomb shelter. “What are you talking about, Timmy?” she says, flipping a pancake like it’s a normal Sunday morning, “the sky has always been green. Maybe you should go back to sleep.” You ask your other relatives, your friends, Google, and they all say that the the same thing. And you carry on with your life because, really, what else is there to do? Nothing else is different about this world, and you still have other things to worry about like school and work and whether Sharon thinks you’re cool or not. In another universe, a different version of you is now wondering why the sky is blue instead of green.

Obviously, this example is a bit extreme, and the Mandela Effect typically reveals itself through more vague facts. However, the sentiment is very much the same. At first glance, a change like this can be deemed irrelevant, because the individual who experiences it assumes it’s a personal error they made themselves. However, once wider groups of people begin to speak up and say that they also remember the sky being blue, more people begin to think something is wrong.

The other main theory is similar, however, rather than alternate realities, it indicates that we are experiencing different holodecks. This term is taken from science fiction, and its official definition is a chamber or a facility where a user can experience a holographic or computer-simulated environment.

But all jokes aside, the holodeck theory also indicates that the reason so many people experience these alternate memories are due to “glitches” in the system. While this can happen on a wider scale, as exhibit-

ed in the Mandela Effect’s more wellknown theories, it can also happen on a more individual or private basis.

I’m sure we’ve all experienced something that felt like a bit of a “glitch in the Matrix,” right? Just little things. You swear you saw a poster on the wall at a subway station, but turn around to see that it isn’t there. Or maybe it says something completely different or is a different color from what you initially thought it was. You swear your friend that you’ve known your entire life’s eyes are brown, but one day find out they’re green. (I could be going out on a limb here, though. My parents always said I’m not the most observant person).

Both of these theories are still being beaten around, and no conclusive answers have been made yet, or will be made in the foreseeable future. Personally, as a believer of the multiverse and transient spaces, I’m rooting for the first one. However, if you believe in the holodecks, that’s cool too. Or maybe you’re thinking something a little more out there?

Government mind-control? Aliens?

It’s all good with me.

Now, if you haven’t stopped reading yet, we’re getting to the part where people actually start freaking out about the Mandela Effect: It’s list of alternate memories.

The one I’ll start with is the death of former South African President Nelson Mandela, which I briefly mentioned before as the theory’s namesake. At the time of the website’s development, Mandela was still alive and well, however, many of the site’s users--including Fiona Broome herself--said that they vividly remembered him dying in prison in the early 1980s, complete with a televised funeral, rioting in the streets of South Africa, and a touching speech from his widow. This theory also gained even more people coming out and saying they remembered the same thing upon Mandela’s actual death in 2013, from a prolonged respiratory infection.

This alternate memory especially

touch upon is the color chartreuse.

While it is officially a yellow-green color, many remember it as maroonish or magenta-like. There aren’t many specific memories people can recall about hearing that the color was either of the incorrect ones, although the confusion is widespread, and some do recall seeing it labeled as such on crayons as a child.

I didn’t really know what to think of this one. I remember chartreuse as a yellow-green color, however, that is only because I hadn’t heard the word until I was about 12, and proceeded to Google it immediately. I would ultimately chalk it up to chartreuse being sort of an obscure color in general, which is why so many people do not know what it is. However, that does not explain why so many people thought it to be a similar color.

Ultimately, the Mandela Effect is what it is: a conspiracy theory. I myself, while I have no authority to make conclusive statements on this matter, do believe in some of the alternate memories, and that something must have happened for these memories to be widespread. However, I also believe that some of the memories are over-exaggerated, and could be easily explained by the functions of the human imagination, as well as the sanctions of our language and many other things that are deeply integrated into our society.

While humans could perhaps be transcending through different realities, it may not be to the extent that the full archive of the Mandela Effect is indicating. It seems in some ways it would be more plausible if this was happening in smaller incidences, that would be dismissed as individual error, as I stated previously.

But then again, what do I know?

I’m just a college student with an overt interest in conspiracy theories.

Until about a week ago, I could have sworn the sky was green. ____________________________________ Meredith Burke is a first year Journalism major who wrote this article in an alternate reality. They can be reached at mburke@ithaca.edu.

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News & Views

piqued my interest, because I too re- you’re admiring a loving bear family call hearing of Mandela’s death prior going on wacky adventures. When to 2013. However, given I was born I looked up the theory, I thought it in 1999, I did not witness the news would be easy to think it was either. broadcast that most of the theorists (Also, I couldn’t even fully read until claim to. Instead, I actually remem- I was like 7, so the letters that were ber reading about his death in a text- or were not included in the show’s book, at some point in elementary name were pretty much meaningless school during the late 2000s or early to me for the duration of the time I 2010. Fellow classmates of mine dur- actually watched the show). ing this time remember reading a There is also the matter of the porsimilar excerpt as well, and it seems trait of King Henry VIII holding a to be a somewhat common memory turkey leg, however, this is one that of people born in the 1990s. (Howev- I did not find shocking either. While er, given this was my same elementa- pop culture encourages the existence ry school that attempted to celebrate of this portrait. There is no record of Kwanzaa as a legitimate holiday, said portrait. and had a third of the kindergartI think this is mostly due to the ners dress as media associations “Indians” for the that already exist thanksgiving concerning Henry play, I do quesVIII, and tyrannical tion the merit kings in general. It of most of my is quite possibleexperiences and -whether through memories from shows or educathere). tional videos--that Another thepeople have seen a ory, one that picture of a fat king actually made holding a turkey the Mandela Efleg, as it is an imfect go viral, is age that has made the Berenstain a rather large imvs. Berenstein pression on our Bears ordeal. culture. While the Essentially, for image was not ofyears most peoficially affiliated ple thought the with Henry VIII, it children’s show is not entirely imand book were plausible that a Image by Claire McClusky called the Berencorrelation would stein Bears, and have vivid memories be made. After all, the media loves indicating such. However, many were making fun of Henry VIII. He was a shocked to find that the official name murderous sexist. Even The Tudors was actually the Berenstain Bears- producers’ decision to make him hot -the last vowel being an ‘A’ rather could not make him a likeable charthan an ‘E’. acter. Anne Boleyn deserved better.

Honestly, this theory didn’t re- Katherine Howard was completely ally phase me. Sure, my brain many justified in cheating on him. times also autocorrected the last sylMy rants about the sexism of the lable to stein, however, I think this is 1500s aside, what I’m trying to say mostly a result of just what the com- is that while such a portrait of Henry mon names in our society are. Hey, VII doesn’t exist, it isn’t so strange to growing up I knew a lot of people of believe that there would be one. Most German descent, of course I was go- people’s opinions of the king are that ing to assume the name was stein. he is tyrannical and glutinous, and The more you think about it, stain thus likely that the image would be kind of makes for a weird name. No created in their minds. one wants to think of stains when The last alternate memory that I’ll

Mars Madness

Billionaire Elon Musk and his hopes for mission to colonize Mars

By Jack Hamilton, Contributing Writer

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BUZZSAW: The Cryptic Issue

n 2002 renowned entrepreneur and CEO of Tesla Motors, Elon Musk, founded SpaceX. This is a project that he said has a long term goal of pioneering a “true spacefaring civilization.” Now, 15 years later, there is some speculation regarding the possibility of such an endeavor.

In a 2011 interview with Alan Murray from the Wall Street Journal, Musk said that he aims to have humans on Mars within 10 to 20 years.

More recently in 2016, he announced that the Mars Colonial Transporter spacecraft will make its first unmanned departure in 2022, with the first manned expedition planned for 2024.

As Musk has outlined his plan for SpaceX, he has garnered some sig-

did it. I’m never going to doubt what space needs a lot of companies doing he says, ever again.” lots of different things to benefit the Also supporting SpaceX is a report Earth back here.” from Fortune, noting how SpaceX Based on how the most markedly could lead to satellite-based Internet negative opinion regarding Musk’s over time, which in turn could poten- proposed venture comes from a tially bring in an estimated $1 tril- source that has similar space-orilion. However, the article also states ented aspirations, it seems that the that this would take 10 to 20 years positive opinions are more valuable; after SpaceX is established, as well while all of the opinions are from as support from other sim“When Elon Musk said he was going to ilar projects.

Some of launch his rocket and then land first on a barge, the opinions I thought he was crazy. And then he did it. I’m being voiced never going to doubt what he says, ever again.” are not quite as positive.

Billionaire CEO of Virgin Galactic, reputable sources, the only outright Richard Branson, does not support negative one also happens to be from the operation that is most similar to SpaceX. Because the others wouldn’t have to worry about SpaceX being any sort of competition to them, they do not need to voice a potentially demeaning opinion, and can instead promote what they deem a respectable business venture. It also seems that the opinion stated in the Fortune article is the most worth paying attention to, as it is the only one that presents an argument based on facts and statistics, rather than ideas.

Judging by the mixed opinions from people relative to the field, it seems as if it is still a bit too early to fully judge whether or not Musk will be able to achieve SpaceX’s goals in the timeframe he suggests, if at all.

All things considered, successful or not, Musk deserves credit for his unmatchable ambition seen in SpaceX, Tesla Motors, and all of his other endeavors.

Image by Claire McClusky ____________________________________ nificant support. Retired NASA astro- the idea of Mars colonization, believ- Jack Hamilton is a second year Journaut Scott Kelly is among the notable ing that there is much more work nalism major who wants one of the names to voice a positive opinion re- that should and could be done here first tickets to Mars, once Musk’s garding SpaceX. In an interview with on Earth before we begin thinking SpaceX Program makes it off the CNBC, he said, “When Elon Musk about anywhere else. In his interview ground. They can be reached at said he was going to launch his rock- with CNBC, he said, “Elon is abso- jhamilton2@ithaca.edu. et and then land first on a barge, I lutely fixated on going to Mars and thought he was crazy. And then he I think it’s his life mission…I think

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Jesus Wasn’t White Though The imperialistic implications of whitewashing religion

By Celisa Calacal, Staff Writer

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These artistic portrayals of white Jesus further exploded in the fifth century following Roman Emperor Constantine’s conversion Christianity and the subsequent spread of Christianity throughout the empire. As the power of the church grew worldwide, so did the image of Jesus as a white man, becoming an essential element of Christian and religious iconography that persists to this day.

The myth of white Jesus is not simply just an artistic creation, but has turned into a falsehood with historically dangerous and immoral implications. That statue of white Jesus in my house, for instance, is one of the many tragic and painful examples of the effects of European colonization.

The fact that my Filipino family, as well as eighty-six percent of the Philippines, is Roman Catholic speaks to the lasting ways Christianity aided in the violent spread of colonialism throughout the Third World.

For the sake of control and colonization, white European colonizers took advantage of white Jesus to justify their territorial and human conquests. Selling the argument that colonization was a means of “civilizing” the natives in the colonies — who were predominantly black and brown people — was legitimized by the teachings of Christianity. This argument turned colonization into a moral and religious endeavor instead of its truly exploitative, power-hungry violence.

Colonizers also extrapolated heavily from the Bible, as they took the frequent references to “light” to symbolize purity and “dark” to represent sin or evil. And while the Bible never uses these terms in a racial manner — not even to describe Jesus’ physical appearance — European colonists related the moral purity of lightness to whiteness, and the sin of darkness to blackness. In such, their minds rationalized that the brown people of the Philippines, southeast Asia, Latin America and Africa lived sinful lives, and could only be saved by white people acting beneath the guise of religion.

The depiction of Jesus as a white man may seem innocuous enough, but using this specific characterization to justify the oppression and subjugation of other people based on skin color turns the spirituality and

the faith of religion into a tool for the powerful. In this way, religion becomes inaccessible, even unrecognizable, to the millions of people who look nothing like White Jesus.

The whitewashing of Jesus has influenced a number of racial and ethnic groups to create their own version of Jesus. For instance, images of a black Jesus have proliferated in black popular culture. Images of a Korean-looking Jesus have also been created for Korean Christians as well.

While Black Jesus and Korean Jesus are also not accurate representations of Jesus, neither is White Jesus. And while White Jesus has been wielded as a tool to fuel slavery, colonization and other forms of oppression, the purposes of a Black Jesus and Korean Jesus are solely for Black Christians and Korean Christians. In this way, remaking the image of Jesus in another ethnicity allows believers of that same group to see themselves in their faith and form a deeper connection to Christianity.

The prominence of White Jesus is a sign of Christianity’s troubled history and entanglements with oppressive, white supremacist structures. It makes me look at that statue of White Jesus in the hallway with frustration and confusion — and wonder how is it that I have become so indoctrinated into this religion, to the extent that it has made up a large part of my moral foundation, that was not even my religion to choose in the first place. My family, yes, is devoutly Catholic, but I know we did not choose this faith, nor did we choose to follow a White Jesus. It was, rather, thrust upon us, used to justify our subjugation, our incivility, our barbarity.

And yet, despite the popularity of and iconographic domination of White Jesus, there’s a part of me and a part of my family, that still clings to Catholicism. It is not that we are praying to a white God or a White Jesus to hear our prayers — on the contrary, the God that exists in our minds may actually look nothing like the White Jesus tacked to our hallway. He could be racially ambiguous. Or he could be brown-skinned and brown-eyed like us. I know mine is. _______________________________________ Celisa Calacal is a fourth year Journalism Major who ghost wrote the bible, they can be reached at ccalacal@ithaca.edu.

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News & Views

n my house, at the end of a long hallway, is a small statue of Jesus tacked up on the wall. Jesus is placed high on the dark purple wall, providing the imagery of him “watching over” my family and our home. This particular statue depicts Jesus during the crucifixion: His hands and feet are nailed to the cross, his head hangs limp and is adorned with the ubiquitous crown of thorns and his ribcage showcases a bright red gash where the soldiers drove a spear into his side.

This statue of Jesus has maintained its place on that wall ever since I was a little girl. It’s a sign of my family’s strong devotion to Catholicism as well as a painful reminder of the Spanish colonization of the Philippines. Not only has the Jesus in my home stood to remind me of my faith, but is now becoming a tragic symbol of the ways Spanish colonizers and Christian missionaries effectively converted the Filipino people to Catholicism.

The Jesus in my house is, unmistakably and unequivocally, white — with his skin coated in pale beige and his shoulder-length hair painted chestnut brown. This white European Jesus doesn’t just exist within the confines of my home, but rather is the dominant depiction of Jesus in Christian iconography around the world.

The face of a white-skinned, blueeyed Jesus isn’t plastered all over stain glass windows, t-shirts and posters because of its accuracy, but is rather the result of a European reimagining and revisioning of Christianity.

Depictions of Jesus began to proliferate during the Middle Ages, when artists created images of him as a white man. This decision to recreate Jesus’ image — despite historical configurations showing Jesus as a man of color with Jewish and Middle Eastern features — was born out of a hostility to portray Jesus as the member of a marginalized group, even though he was Jewish. During the Middle Ages, Jewish people often faced discrimination from Romans, Greeks and other non-Jewish groups. The decision to depict a white Jesus was thereby more palatable to audiences, as his whiteness erased Jesus’ inherent radicalism and opposition to the wealthy elites.

The Generation of Miscommunication Why college boys are cryptic, or are they at all? An investigation

By Maxine Allis, Contributing Writer

BUZZSAW: The Cryptic Issue

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call myself a “bystander to love” because I watch it unravel around me in so many different forms, almost like watching a game behind a glass wall played by an exclusive team that I’m not a part of. Not in a weird way, though.

Sometimes I feel as though my stares wander a little too long when I see a couple canoodling in the hallway, but I try my best to make sure this doesn’t happen too often. A formal apology to any couple I’ve ever looked at too long and made uncomfortable.

I’ve seen the successes and the failures of my friends’ relationships and of the brief “flirtationships” I’ve partaken in throughout my college career. Through this, I have refined a theory that unrequited love doesn’t exist. Love in and of itself needs to be reciprocated in order to really be love. You can love someone’s laugh or their company, but you don’t love them as a being unless they feel the same thing toward you. Or maybe that’s just what I think that I think in order to ease my overwhelming — sometimes even paralyzing — anxiety over being alone.

I’ve learned that there is a lot of loneliness when the only form of intimacy I experience is at odd hours of the day (no earlier than 11 pm) and under less than romantic circumstances. It’s a weird feeling; I wish like I could find romance in this but I cannot. I wish I could see “you up?” messages after drunken Friday nights as beautiful works of art, but they usually don’t follow iambic pentameter and often have a typo or two. I doubt Shakespeare ever asked for a girl’s Snapchat after meeting her less than a week ago.

Mainly because Snapchat didn’t exist in Shakespearean times but if it did, I’m sure my boy Will wouldn’t be so goddamn disrespectful. Were boys always this cryptic - in Shakespearean times or even long before

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then - or is it just our generation of college boys that have other avenues by which to reach these new levels of ambiguity? Let’s investigate.

Communication can be confusing and vague enough face to face. But recognizing the nuances of language becomes increasingly difficult when decoding bitmojis, snapchat filters and those goddamn ellipses when you know they’re typing but decide not to hit send.

If he only “texts” you via Snapchat, you become quick to wonder if he ever actually saved your number or if the vanishing nature of the entire app makes him more likely to say what he means. In a New York Times article titled, “How Snapchat Is Shaping Social Media,” the author argues that Snapchat’s success is solely based on the unique option for disappearing content. “The ephemeral messaging quickly caught on with college and high school students, some of whom used the app to send racy messages and other juvenilia,” they wrote. Whether the messages I receive from a boy trying to get in touch are more racy or juvenile, is a topic for another day, nonetheless there is a questionable draw to this no-strings-attached form of communication.

it too real to respond to my heavily thought out, perfectly scripted, coauthored by all of my friends: “yo, what’s good” text?

If we do get a response, it may even just be a crude: “Send nudes,” like yeah okay, #bodypositivity but wait you also want us to send the most well choreographed nude photo taken with literal studio lights from PPECs, but you’re gonna send us a photo with one pixel of your dick?

Less okay and kind of unfair.

Honestly, though, this communication disparity may not be the fault of boys themselves. While we were diving into yet another relationship Q&A in Tiger Beat or a boy self-help book published by the same people that make American Girl Dolls to learn how to understand men throughout our youth, our male counterparts had less reading material to satisfy their curious minds.

Now, they turn to media outlets like Elite Daily or Brobible.com to help develop their communication behaviors. For example, a Brobible piece titled “The Art of the Booty Call” attempts to deconstruct the do’s and don’ts of sending a text with one very clear ulterior motive — and how to deal with the results. “Back up off the late night calls for a bit

“Communication can be confusing and vague enough face to face. But recognizing the nuances of language becomes increasingly difficult when decoding bitmojis, snapchat filters and those goddamn ellipses when you know they’re typing but decide not to hit send. “

Sometimes, the vanishing nature of Snapchat is more likely to yield a timely response than an actual text message. Snapchat texts are fleeting and disappear when you swipe right, much like one’s dignity on Tinder. Is

so she gets the picture and doesn’t start photo shopping your baby photos together to see what your future children would look like,” they wrote.

And they think we’re the crazy ones?

I mean yeah, I probably got a couple

weeks back on your high school’s prom date’s Instagram page, but photoshop? I would not download the entire Adobe suite for you, at least not when we have such an ambiguous relationship title.

The “DTR” or “defining the relationship” conversation is not that hard. I understand how it can be daunting, but like a bandaid, it should not be left alone for too long.

In recent years, the marriage rate in America has notably decreased. In 2015, DeseretNews.com writer Lois Collins examined a marriage study done by Demographic Intelligence.

“The report shows a marriage rate of 6.74 per 1,000 people this year, with the number expected to fall slightly lower over each of the next two years.

In 2008, the marriage rate in America was 7.09.” I hope this statistic is not attributed to the ever-growing phobia of defining the relationship in clear terms — or worse, a legitimate fear of actual mutual intimacy.

Shannon Smith emphasizes the overwhelming anxiety — and somewhat sexist undertones — sur-

surprise. Recently Andrea Downey reported for the New York Post that, in one of the largest brain imaging surveys ever collected, women’s brains were found to be more active “Particularly in the cerebral cortex, which is primarily involved in impulse control and focus, and in the emotional areas of the brain, involved in mood and anxiety.”

This study also examined blood flow to areas like the prefrontal cortex which contributes to skills like collaboration, intuition, empathy, actual-concern and self-control. Women take the cake again in all of these categories. So overthinking the necessity of a title no matter how vague

“Things used to be simple; date, court, love, marry, the list goes on — and now first impressions are formed through a screen, a one night stand or the opinion of a friend of a friend’s cousin’s brother.” it may be is natural, even somewhat biological. Yet it still leads to intrusive thoughts ranging from: “Is there something thrilling about ignoring the title but reaping the benefits?” and “Does this mean I’m getting attached to someone who doesn’t care to be as attached to me?”

Women may also feel the need to think about these things more in depth because of the double standard that exists in college relationships stemming from hookup culture and overall gender stereotypes.

I’ve watched first hand as guys are called “the man,” when they make it with a girl, while girls receive a far more derogatory term for doing the exact same thing. This moniker is so familiar to females that they subconsciously find a fear of judgement

Image by Maya Rodgers relationship only exists for a night.

Now if that “relationship” exists for multiple nights in a row with the same partner, a label can be harder to decide and the over-thinking becomes cyclic and inconclusive.

I’m not trying to put men on blast here, because I, too have taken actions that add to the cryptic nature of modern hookup culture. I’d be lying if I didn’t consider the underlying messages of my own Snapchats or subtweets before posting them.

So to answer the previous question, were boys aways this cryptic? I can’t be sure, but maybe it’s easier to be cryptic in the modern age through various means. Expectations seem to be sky high with social media adding pressure to every action that we take, on either end. Things used to be simple; date, court, love, marry, the list goes on — and now first impressions are formed through a screen, a one night stand or the opinion of a friend of a friend’s cousin’s brother. There may not be a sure fire way to address this relationship ambiguity on a cultural scale yet, but on a personal level changes can be made — like actually trying to get to know one another.

So, I’ll pick you up at 7 this Friday? __________________________________ Maxine Allis is a second year Psychology major who is not going to give you their Snapchat username.

They can be reached at mallis@ithaca.edu.

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News & Views

rounding the DTR conversation in her Thought Catalog personal essay, writing: “Women say ‘Go for it!

Be honest about your feelings! Girl power!’ But the general consensus amongst men is that the dude should man up and ask a woman to be his girlfriend,” she wrote. “Between third-wave feminism and the unimpressive progression of chivalry – women armoring themselves in attempts to come off as though we don’t need men, and men replacing dinner and a show with drinks and Netflix — I don’t know what on God’s green earth I’m expected to do here.”

This is a narrative all too relatable, not just for me but for many of the well-intentioned women before me. We over think almost everything and psychologically, this is no

intruding on how they perceive healthy relationships: even if that

More Than Just Weinstein

The systemic sexism of the film industry on a large and small scale

By Tatiana Jorio, Seesaw Editor

BUZZSAW: The Cryptic Issue

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hen the news of to succeed, but we struggled to find Harvey Weinstein one that did. broke, I was surIn grappling to find a way to comprised that as a bat the Harvey Weinstein’s of the young woman world, we all collectively agreed that currently study- this casting couch culture probably ing film, I didn’t educate myself right would not exist if there were powerful away. I found myself resigned to the woman in this industry. If the Weininformation, and ultimately not that stein company was headed by two surprised. An industry head using sisters, this most likely would not his power and platform to intimidate have happened. If there were more women? I had heard that before. women of power in this industry, we The man behind the canon of the would have more dynamic women classics, which often placed wom- on screen, and women would feel a en characters at the sidelines, was lot safer in the industry. But then it a sexual predator? It didn’t dawned on me: entirely shock me. Maybe I A woman would was tired of hearing another probably never story of a man abusing his be the founder power, or maybe I was in deof the Weinstein nial that the profession I was Company. about to enter let men like UnderstandHarvey Weinstein get away ing that the with assault and harassonly real solument for over 30 years. tion to sexism I went to my film theory and harasscourse waiting for my proment in Holfessor to veer away from the lywood is more lecture notes and discuss women in power what was happening in the in Hollywood, industry that we were all I found myself Image by Maya Rodgers studying to be a part of. Simore discourlence. Realizing that my department aged than ever before. As a current was complicit in this culture of si- film student, I see just how hard it lence made me extremely angry. is for women to get acknowledgeOutside of the classroom, with ment at an educational level. Just other young aspiring female direc- like in Hollywood, production sets tors, editors, and filmmakers, I dis- on our college campus are domicussed the Harvey Weinstein Scan- nated by men, the films we watch in dal. We all felt hopeless, some of us class are predominantly directed by more than others. We watched the men and there is a constant presrape jokes being made at the acad- sure on women when they produce emy awards years before the Wein- any work. Even in a setting designed stein news broke, and all came to to learn and make mistakes, women the harsh realization that Hollywood feel an immense pressure and emknew about this long before we did. barrassment. In creating the next Actually acknowledging that the in- generation of filmmakers, we are dustry had chosen not to protect its giving men all the power, and doing aspiring actresses, journalists and nothing to make it more likely that production assistants, was extreme- there will be more woman in power ly disheartening, but it wasn’t a rev- in film, or that there won’t be anothelation. er Weinstein figure in this industry Most career fields are not built for in the future. women to succeed, and few protect The news of the Harvey Weinstein women. And of course, cis white scandal affected me because of my women are protected much more identity as an aspiring filmmaker, than black, latinx and any other but also because of my identity as marginalized groups of women. Film a latinx woman. As a latina womwasn’t an industry that wanted us en, I wondered if the conversation

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would have been this massive, if the outrage would have been so widespread, if Harvey Weinstein would have been fired, if it had been young aspiring latinx actresses, if it had been Sofia Vergara’s story instead of Angelina Jolie or Gwyneth Paltrow. I was frustrated that in the Tape Recording of Harvey, facilitated by the NYPD, Harvey admitted to groping the Italian Filipino aspiring model, Ambra Battilana the day prior, and that nothing was done about it. In the back of my mind was the thought that had this been Gwyneth Paltrow, a white celebrity with power, something would have been done, and Weinstein would have been stopped.

When so many talk about the Weinstein allegations, they often discuss the “big stars” — Gwyneth Paltrow and Angelina Jolie — both fail to include Lupita Nyong’o, another survivor to Weinstein’s abuse, or merely include her as an afterthought in the discussion.

My race and colonialism professor sent our class an article by Jamilah Lemieux titled, “Weinstein, white tears, and the boundaries of black women’s empathy.” In this article, Lemieux specifically focuses on the struggle for her as a black woman, to stand with the group of white victims when for so long, black women are not even able to be recognized as victims. After I read this article I reflected on my initial reaction to the Harvey Weinstein stories being not that surprised, and imagined the reaction of black women all over the country. We need to be careful that when talking about Harvey Weinstein we assume that we all react to this in the same way, as our different identities affect the way we respond to Weinstein, and stories of sexual assault. We need to demand more from our media and peers to document and broadcast stories of sexual assault when it happens to marginalized groups of women, so that all voices feel valued. ___________________________________ Tatiana Jorio is a third year Film, Photo and Visual Arts Major who is well on her way to being a boss ass bitch in the film industry. They can be reached at tjorio@ithaca.edu.

Upfront

UPFRONT. UPFRONT. UPFRO

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Money Matters

Understanding the debate over the investment of college endowments

By Mattie Beauford, Contributing Writer

BUZZSAW: The Cryptic Issue

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iven the prominent role of student loan debt in the most recent presidential election, and the greater awareness of issues such as climate change and inequality, increased attention has been directed toward where colleges invest their endowments and how universities spend these endowments.

One cause many activists have championed is divesting endowments from fossil fuels. Numerous prominent educational institutions have committed to divestment from fossil fuels in various forms. Boston University has divested from coal and tar sands, both Stanford University and Georgetown University have divested from coal, and the University of Maryland and Syracuse University have completely divested from fossil fuels.

Their decisions mirror earlier examples of divestment, such as the removal of endowment investment from South Africa during the 1980s due to the country’s apartheid regime.

Noting this, Randall Smith, a former writer for The Wall Street Journal and current freelance journalist who has written about endowment controversies, said, “There have been times, over the years, when people have said, ‘Well, our endowments shouldn’t be doing this, shouldn’t be doing that.’”

Smith partly attributes this trend to a method of ethical and sustainable investing that considers environmental, social and governance implications.

Through this method of investing, Smith said, “Some investors try to incorporate their beliefs about corporate governance or social impact into how they invest.”

But while anti-fossil fuel investment activists have championed their socially conscious actions, critics have labeled the push for colleges to

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divest from fossil fuels as ineffectual at best and, at worst, harmful. Those wary of divestment, such as Harvard University Trustee Nannerl O. Keohane, instead advocate that universities remain shareholders in fossil fuel companies as a means of influencing these companies’ policies.

Others point out that given the wealth and influence of energy companies on developed economies, and without its occurrence on a larger, wider scale, divestment would be a symbolic, rather than impactful, action. This was the opinion given in December 2013 at Harvard when Robert D. Reischauer, then a trustee on its board, argued against members of Divest Harvard — a student organization advocating for fossil fuel divestment — by saying that divestment would have little effect upon the supply and demand of the energy industry.

However, Brendan Brown of Climate Justice Cornell, a student-run organization that advocates fossil fuel divestment through its DivestNOW! campaign, argues that the symbolic effect of divestment is just as powerful as any economic impact it may have.

“Divestment sends a message that what fossil fuel companies are doing is immoral,” Brown said. “Negative press and increased public awareness make a difference.”

In addition, Brown refutes the claim that divestment from fossil fuels would negatively affect universities’ financial state.

“If you look at the very hit-or-miss performance in recent years [in reference to Cornell University’s endowment], it’s clear that being tied to fossil fuels hasn’t guaranteed us better returns,” he said. “Fossil fuel markets are also subject to a high level of volatility, and even if you are mitigating that risk with a well-diversified port-

folio, fossil fuel investment just isn’t sustainable in the long-term.”

Nikolas Michael, campaign coordinator of Fossil Free GW, a studentled organization that seeks to divest George Washington University of fossil fuels, agrees that divestment would not adversely impact colleges and universities monetarily. “Most universities are not heavily invested in fossil fuels,” Michael said. “At most, it makes up a small percentage of the endowments.”

However, the potential financial impact of divestment on students and university endowments, Smith argues, “is not black or white. If oil prices triple, divestment could hurt, but if fossil-fuel stocks trail the market, it could help,” he said. “You never know what the market’s going to do; you never know how particular sectors of stocks are going to do.”

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nother source of divestment activists’ ire is hedge funds. While the exact figure is difficult to ascertain, The Nation estimated that the amount of educational endowment funds nationwide invested in hedge funds stands at greater than $100 billion. And this large investment in expensive, high-fee financial vehicles raises questions of a potential conflict of interest.

For example, in 2012, Dartmouth College received criticism when it was discovered that some trustees’ hedge funds also managed investments for the university. Opponents argued that these trustees charged high investment fees, a portion of which they then donated to the college in order to receive recognition and favor. The incident, in the eyes of critics, called into question the impartiality of university boards.

Brown believes that the overwhelming presence of wealthy, well-connect-

ed individuals on university boards, many involved in the finance sector and in hedge funds, poses a conflict of interest. Referring to a quote from the website of Cornell University’s Board of Trustees that provides the board with “supreme control” over the university, he stated, “As an activist, a body composed largely of old white men from the financial, and in many cases fossil fuel, sectors with ‘supreme control’ over what is supposed to be an inclusive, diverse, and forward-thinking institution is a little scary.”

Michael has a similar viewpoint. He noted that until recently, one of the board members at George Washington University was Richard Blackburn, a former Vice President of Duke Energy — one of the largest fossil fuel companies in the country. During that time, Michael said the university invested millions in a “power purchase agreement” with Duke Energy. He said such actions are indicative of how the university is planning for the future. “[It’s]not by listening to the students, but by listening to the few, powerful board members that sit in their ivory towers, removed from the everyday reality of going to school here,” Michael said.

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Image by Claire McClusky university’s endowments were to continue to grow by the same rate, little increase would be attributed to student income from tuition. However, these demands contrast with the visions of those who manage university endowments, as the majority of universities wish to conservatively spend their endowment in order to combat inflation.

How universities choose to move forward in the future will depend upon their mission and vision. As educational institutions with immense financial responsibilities, colleges must balance both practicality and morality. Given the importance of endowments to their function, universities must pay greater attention to the origins and dispersal of their funds. ____________________________________ Mattie Beauford is a first-year writing major who is starting their own endowment. You can email them at mbeauford@ithaca.edu.

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Upfront

n additional concern divestment activists have is the influence of the prison industry on the endowments of institutions of higher education. Private prisons have come under scrutiny in recent years due to increased public knowledge of issues such as mass incarceration and the school-to-prison pipeline, which disproportionately impact individuals of color.

Executives at the two largest private prison companies, Corrections Corporation of America and GEO Group, sit on the boards of various universities, including Belmont University, Clarkson University and Florida Atlantic University.

Some prominent institutions, such

as the University of California system and Columbia University, have divested from private prisons after pressure from student activists. But many colleges remain economically tied to private prisons through their investments in Goldman Sachs, Wells Fargo, JPMorgan and other corporations that collectively own greater than two-thirds of these companies.

But in addition to where colleges and universities are investing their endowment, how they are spending the endowment has also been controversial. Many groups that advocate for affordable higher education, such as The Federation of State Public Interest Groups and Student Loan Justice, charge that universities should use their endowments to do more to assist financially needy students, as many prominent institutions such as Harvard University, Yale University, and Stanford University boast multibillion dollar endowments.

However, as a Time Magazine article pointed out, the finances of the universities with large billion-dollar endowments do not accurately depict the predicaments faced by American colleges and universities as a whole.

Many of the nation’s 2000 plus fouryear colleges do not have endowments, and for those that do, the amounts pale in comparison to universities such as Harvard. A survey created by the National Association of College and University Business Officers of 823 American colleges revealed a median endowment size of $90 million, which equates to only $4.5 million in spendable amounts each year. Furthermore, many gifts come attached with certain restrictions in regards to academic fields or other criteria.

Overall, whether wealthier colleges should be forced to spend more of their endowments and further assist students is subject to debate. One article in Business Insider, making a case for the removal of tuition at Harvard University, estimated that if the

What Does That Even Mean?

Investigating needlessly complicated writing in society

By Rae Harris, Staff Writer

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Carnegie Mellon University, they can have the opposite effect.

“It turns out that people evaluate intelligence more on the clarity and quality of writing, than the sophistication of the vocabulary,” Oppenheimer said. “The result is that, controlling for the content of the argument, using long words tend to lead authors to look less intelligent, not more. The trick to smart-sounding writing is to convey your point clearly and effectively.”

This unnecessary use of intricate academic language can also isolate readers, both academics and not, from a text by obscuring the meaning and message behind it. Oppenheimer feels that obtuse writing simply makes an argument less likely to be heard. It can intimidate the reader and ultimately lead them to abandon the text.

Additionally, the use of complex academic language can perpetuate inequality in the classroom. Language is a form of cultural capital, a term coined by sociologist Pierre Bourdieu, and the kind of complex language often used in academic discourse at institutions of higher education usually favors those who are in the middle class of society or above.

This is because the education system is a largely middle class dominated institution, according to Sergio Cabrera, an associate professor of sociology at Ithaca College.

“The institutional norms in schools tend to be set by people who are middle class, if you think about the [kinds] of people who are teachers and principals,” Cabrera said.

Due to the administrative makeup of schools, these institutions tend to place value on the cultural

BUZZSAW: The Cryptic Issue

eorge Orwell was onto something when he condemned the use of complex language in his 1946 essay “Politics and the English Language.”

In the essay, Orwell encourages simple, clear language rather than the use of euphemisms and vague phrases that can disguise the real meaning of what is being said.

Seventy-one years after Orwell’s essay was published, the use of complex language still remains prevalent, particularly in academia. Today, academic writing tends to use long, sprawling words that can require a dictionary to decipher. Complex words in academia are often used in an attempt to appear more intelligent.

However, according to Daniel Oppenheimer, a psychology professor at

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Image by Claire McClusky

ing to change the overuse of complex language in the professional world.

The Plain Language Group, cofounded by Dr. Deborah S. Bosley — a former associate professor of English at Illinois State University — is one such organization. The group helps to make written content easy to understand and serves the public by advocating for clarity in writing.

The organization mostly works with Fortune 100 and Fortune 500 companies to create written language that is easier for consumers to understand.

“There is a lot of research that shows that companies who use less jargon have better reputations,” Bosley said. “Also, it decreases the amount of stress the reader feels, because overly complex language can be very stressful because we put the responsibility on the reader to figure it out, which I think is unfair and, frankly, a bit unethical.”

Although the Plain Language Group primarily focuses on the language of corporations, simple language can also help academics in their careers, as well as help readers of academic texts unpack what they are reading.

“Academics who are capable of expressing complex ideas in a clear way tend to be the ones who thrive, both in academia and outside of it,” Oppenheimer said.

But if simple language appears to be the better choice, why do academics and companies continue to use complex language? Bosley offers one possible explanation.

“Every profession creates its own language and its own way of writing and/or speaking, so that means specifically the use of a lot of jargon, and they forget that they aren’t writing and/or speaking to experts,” she said. Bosley defines the jargon specific to a profession as a “discourse community.”

Additionally, Bosley noted that while some complexity is intentional, more often than not, it is just a case of a writer not realizing that what

they are saying is not understandable to non-experts.

However, as the movement for plain language has gained momentum, there has been some resistance to using more straightforward language because of concerns about oversimplifying complex work.

But Bosley said simplification is not inherently bad. “I think there’s a misconception that simplifying misinformation is dumbing down,” she said. “I always say it’s not dumbing down, it’s wising up.”

Despite the continued use of complex language, Bosley believes that the country is moving toward improvement.

“Companies and government agencies are attempting more [regulation]... and part of that is, at least with corporations, because of regulations that require a whole slew of disclosures to be written in plain language,” she said.

One of those regulations is the Plain Writing Act, which Barack Obama signed into law in 2010. This act requires federal agencies to provide clear information to citizens that the public can understand and use.

Additionally, in 2011, Obama issued an executive order stating the government must make sure that regulations are accessible, consistent, written in plain language and easy to understand.

While government regulations are a step in the right direction, Bosley feels that real change will come when people start demanding it from everyday institutions. She foresees the use of simple language becoming more prominent in the coming years.

“People have a right to understand information that affects their lives,” she said. ___________________________________ Rae Harris is a third-year journalism major who has resorted to carrying around a dictionary everywhere. You can email them at rharris3@ithaca. edu.

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Upfront

capital of the middle class as well as the upper class, which often includes a higher level vocabulary because it mirrors the kind of cultural capital middle class administrators typically value in their own lives.

Cabrera also explains that middle class institutions function in ways that encourage people to express, defend and explain their thoughts and feelings in a way that often differs from poor or working class social spaces, because of the linguistic cultural capital they enter schools with.

“It’s not about the quality of what’s communicated, but the style of what is communicated,” Cabrera said.

“And prolonged exposure to middle class institutions can then pay off in schools.”

She added that the widespread acceptance of middle class linguistic cultural capital in schools reinforces social inequality by allowing those who possess this higher linguistic competence to enter the institution with the upper hand.

“Unbeknownst to [middle class teachers and administration], if they are valuing what is familiar to them, then they will tend to value people who come in with linguistic competences that are more similar to their own,” Cabrera said.

This may be one of the reasons the use of complex language remains so plentiful in higher education. Many students and professors alike will use complicated vocabulary words in order to appear more educated.

Oppenheimer said he has experienced this in his own classroom.

“I see lots of student essays where the students have obviously made use of the thesaurus to make their vocabulary more complex in an attempt to make me think their arguments are stronger than they really are,” he said. “It doesn’t work.”

Complex language isn’t just a problem in academia, though. Businesses also run into problems when their employees use language that is difficult to understand. However, there are organizations that are try-

The Horrors of Holocaust Denial How conspiracy theories leave an intergenerational impact

By Audra Joiner, Staff Writer

BUZZSAW: The Cryptic Issue

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he words “conspiracy theory” are bound to evoke fairly strong images in the minds of those who hear them.

Commonly, when one thinks of such ideas, they think about aliens, the Illuminati, or the moon landing. These theories are, more often than not, laughed off as jokes.

It’s unlikely that there is truly an underground society of celebrities, such as Beyoncé, who are all conspiring to take over the world, but it’s still entertaining to discuss.

However, some of these theories can cause extreme harm, on both a societal and personal level. One such theory is Holocaust denial. This dangerous conspiracy theory is returning to the mainstream and creating a harmful climate in which such commentary is acceptable for some and hurtful to many.

Following Donald Trump’s Holocaust Remembrance Day statement early in his presidency, in which he did not mention Jewish people, as well as Sean Spicer’s claims that Hitler did not use chemical weapons during the Holocaust, it is rapidly becoming clear that anti-semitism, in all of its forms, is steadily working its way into mainstream politics and media once again. A study by the AntiDefamation League reported that in the first three months of 2017, antisemitic incidents rose by 67 percent in the United States in comparison to the previous year.

In line with this is a rise in Holocaust denial, or a conspiracy theory in which non-believers state that the Holocaust itself never happened, that gas chambers were never used by Nazis, or that the number of people killed was closer to 500,000 than the true estimate of approximately five

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to six million people, a whole order of magnitude higher. In a recent interview with The Guardian, historical lecturer Dr. Nicholas Terry says that there are “thousands of ‘low commitment’ Holocaust deniers online.”

In online forums such as Reddit, 4chan and other websites, many users write posts centered on denial, often full of anti-semitic slurs and imagery. One user writes, “THE HOLOCAUST HAS BEEN USED FOR SOCIAL ENGINEERING FOR OVER 50 YEARS. DO NOT LET SOME PATHETIC RELIGIOUS CULT MANIPULATE YOU INTO SUBMISSION [sic].”

Another user comments on a video of an interview done with a Holocaust survivor, saying, “So it’s quite possible to create an eyewitness out of nothing if you pay enough shekels [sic].” Such comments are altogether too common and indicative of more nonchalant anti-semitic conspiracy theories that have seen an increase in followers in recent years.

Although both Holocaust denial and anti-semitic commentary have run rampant since the end of World War II itself, there seems to be an increase in recent years that represents a resurgence. A 2010 Harvard University survey stated that, in 2009, 1,256 news, opinion and feature articles contained the subject of Holocaust denial, as opposed to 287 in 1999. Additionally, a survey by the Anti-Defamation League showed that, of the people surveyed who had heard of the Holocaust, 32 percent believed that “it is a myth or has been greatly exaggerated.” These statistics are just a small sample of this larger issue, which greatly impacts many people on an intimate level.

Sophia Zinger, a freshman at Millikin University in Decatur, Illinois, is personally impacted by Holocaust

denial. “My grandmother and my late grandfather are both Holocaust survivors,” she said. “They both grew up in Austria and were there when the Nazis invaded. My grandfather fled the country with his infant nephew and, when the Nazis came to my thensixteen-year-old grandmother’s door asking for her father, she convinced them to come back later and her family fled that day. The majority of my family members were not so lucky.”

Zinger has grown up watching the impact that the Holocaust has had on her family, as has student Elena Ganz. Both have practiced Judaism for their whole lives, and have seen the loss of life and family through their relatives.

Said Elena Ganz, “I was born and raised Jewish, and as soon as I learned about the Holocaust, I learned about the family members I had that lived through it...Hearing the horrific stories of tragedy that impacted my family tree will never leave my mind.”

The Holocaust is a tragedy on its own, one which has impacted Jewish people generation after generation, and will continue to do so for hundreds of years. Holocaust denial is an awful addition to an already horrible history, one that is treated so casually in conversation, almost in a joking manner. Ganz tells a particularly haunting story about her own experiences with anti-semitism and how it evolves into denial.

“When I was in middle school, Holocaust jokes got thrown around a lot. The usual Hitler and Nazi jokes didn’t bother me because I was used to getting them,” she explains, “But one day, someone made an oven joke, something about Jews being related to pizza because an oven is like a gas chamber.” Ganz describes the way that these jokes reminded her of her

Image by Claire McClusky

the excuse that many give against anti-semitism. Loewenthal says that the best way to attack the issue is by making it immediately clear that such behavior isn’t okay.

“What happens sometimes is that a couple of people start going ‘Hey, maybe killing Jews is okay,’ and most people ignore them, but a couple of people pay attention, because it validates their internal prejudices,” Loewenthal said. “So you have to make it clear as soon as it pops up that it’s not okay.”

On a personal level, stepping in is the most important aspect of fighting Holocaust denial. However, when it comes to addressing the deniers themselves, Zinger makes her own points.

“I would implore these people to analyze why they feel the need to deny

something that’s so blatantly irrefutable, to find some empathy and to educate themselves,” she said. And that’s truly the lesson here; educating, advocating and involving yourself when you observe Holocaust denial is the first step against a conspiracy theory that might otherwise be treated as a joke. Even the smallest action can be enough to spread the harmful ideologies of Holocaust denial, and can cause problems for years to come. ___________________________________ Audra Joiner is a first year exploratory major who doesn’t give a fuck about your ignorant Reddit thread.

You can reach them at ajoiner@ithaca.edu.

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Upfront

great aunt Dorothy, who survived in a factory work camp as a young girl, and eventually shut herself in for the rest of her life. For individuals with ancestral ties to the Holocaust, the gruesome means by which Jewish people were executed are nothing to joke about.

It’s truly impossible to measure the impact of Holocaust denial.

While jokes are common, they are no less dangerous than outright denial, as they make light of what Ted Loewenthal, a Jewish student of the University of Illinois, describes as “a blatant attempt to rewrite the narrative of extreme prejudice that Jews have faced.”

This denial creates a climate of fear, one that is difficult to escape.

Despite irrefutable eye-witness testimonies, physical evidence and historical facts that clearly show the horrors of the concentration camps that Ganz describes, Holocaust denial continues, harming and frustrating those who are left to cope with its side effects.

“It happened in Germany. It happened in Poland. It wasn’t a freak accident. It was the direct result of centuries of racism,” Loewenthal says, a stark reminder of the cause of both the Holocaust and its blatant denial.

Similarly, Zinger attributes the denial to “people’s desire to maintain their privilege.” She states, “Our country is on a current, insidious trend of denying the truth. [It] is, in many ways, built on and sustained by lies, and I think Holocaust denial is a way to strengthen that illogical foundation… if this continues, an outright accepted falsehood is going to be normalized and we are going to suffer for it greatly.”

So how can one combat the horrors of Holocaust denial? Despite all of the facts, it seems to be growing around the world, at least in the realm of internet subcultures, even with the many laws against it.

It seems difficult to fight, which is

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BUZZSAW: The Cryptic Issue

You Don’t Always See It, But It’s There Anxiety in the age of the anxious

By Mila Phelps-Friedl, News and Views Editor Image by Josie Sepel

Upfront

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BUZZSAW: The Cryptic Issue

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ausea. The feeling of impending doom.

Heart racing. Trembling. These are all symptoms of the blanket term we, as a society, have come to identify as Anxiety Disorders. While it is important to understand that the term anxiety shouldn’t be used as colloquially as it tends to be, there is a lot of research that supports millennials being labelled the “Anxiety Generation.”

Some, like Caroline Beaton of HuffPost, take a very nonchalant stance on this label, blaming anxiety on symptoms ranging from bad sleep habits due to dependency upon technology, our increasingly sedentary lifestyle, or the tendency for anxious individuals to feed off the anxiety of their peers, which tends to increase anxious behaviors in the first place.

But maybe it’s not that easy to casually cast aside the anxiety of millennials by merely suggesting a lifestyle change. Ken Rabow, the founder and CEO of World Wide Youth Mentoring Inc, encourages people to think more thoughtfully in regards to the label of anxiety. Said Rabow, “I find that the blanket diagnosing of Millennials with all forms of anxiety is happening on all fronts. Professionals, parents and the Millennials themselves are seeing the effects of a person who feels unsafe in the world and go with what they see… anxiety. It takes a different way of looking at the issues of anxiety in Millennials to understand the underlying issues. When we never look down as we hammer things, it’s easy to blame the hammer instead of the fact we never learned to really look at what is going on.”

I know quite well how easy it is to blame stress or worry on a word that describes your reactions — it’s almost like people will leave you alone and excuse your behavior if you label the way you respond to moments of extreme stress or fear. I generally consider myself to be an anxious person, but while in college I experienced a very different side to this part of my identity. The summer after my freshman year of college, I spent so much time alone, I found myself worrying more than ever before. Last summer, I actively experienced what I considered to be anxiety attacks — brief spells of unstoppable crying, cold

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sweats or extremely heavy breathing, usually a combination of those symptoms. Then I came across an article, written by Elyse Walczyk and published on Medium.

The article, titled “Dear Even Hanson is Not a Good Play,” is an honest critique of the acclaimed Broadway musical that won six Tony awards last season. I’d heard of the musical about a 17-year-old-boy battling with social anxiety disorder in the wake of a death, and I knew it had received a lot of praise for its depiction of said mental illness. The musical’s website alone calls it, “a powerful anthem,” and “a new American musical about life and the way we live it.” So when I scrolled past an editorial saying the exact opposite of everything I’d ever read, I was intrigued.

This line in particular struck me, and I encourage everyone else to read the piece in its entirety. “Evan Hansen uses his condition as a rationale for his deception and the emotional devastation he causes. Evan Hansen hurts people, but the play would like us to understand him. He can’t help it. He does what he needs to do to fit himself into a world that does not want people like him. Everyone has felt like an outsider and no one deserves to. There is no price tag on feeling accepted and wanted.”

I was stunned. More so than that, I felt guilty for ever considering my own impression of anxiety to give me the excuse to upset the people around me when maybe I shouldn’t even be labelling myself with an actual diagnosable challenge that some people deal with every single day. What worried me even more is that this Broadway musical, which had been the talk of the Tony’s and praised by every celebrity far and wide, could be using anxiety as an excuse for usually unacceptable behavior. I didn’t like that it painted anxiety like a crutch and, in the words of Walczyk, represented anxiety as “Nothing more than a metaphorical journey [Evan Hansen] must go on, go through, grow through, grow out of. It’s an ill-defined condition … that he can just get over, that can be overcome with the right amount of self-confidence and affection from parents, lovers, and friends.”

I did not want to imagine that I could be using the term as my own

crutch, and yet I could not stop imagining it. So I decided to talk to one of my close friends who deals with diagnosed mental health challenges, and we had a long conversation about the ethics of self-diagnoses.

She assured me that while there was a very real misunderstanding about the difference between being anxious and experiencing crippling anxiety, I shouldn’t belittle my own experiences with feeling a lot more than simply anxious about certain things in my life.

Still, I took the article and this discussion to heart and started examining the things in my own life that caused me to react in such a way where I felt like I was experiencing anxiety. The first thing I noticed is that a lot of people say “I’m having major anxiety,” when they really mean, “I’m feeling anxious or stressed.” I’ll admit to doing it before I experienced what it was like to feel scared of reacting, scared that I would become inconsolable for seemingly no reason at all. Or at least not a reason I could explain while my heart was beating so quickly.

The second thing I noticed is that people are very quick to trump up the anxiety in millennials to terms like “fragile snowflake.” There are many individuals out there (I’m looking at you, Tomi Lahren) who think Millennials are too emotional and delicate, that we’ve become less robust because we accept things like a sexual/ gender spectrum or understand that mental health isn’t just something you can, “man up,” about and get over.

And unfortunately, these people include the older generations of politicians that actually write the legislation surrounding policies on mental health. Andrew Maguire, a writer for the website Unilad, brought up a really significant point in his article titled “Millennials Are An Anxious Generation, And This Is Why.” On Aug. 12, 2015, Hillary Clinton tweeted “How does your student loan debt make you feel? Tell us in three emojis or less.” According to Maguire this was, “the equivalent of talking goo-googaga to a four year old.” For a figure like Hillary Clinton — or let’s be honest, probably the person hired to run her Twitter account — to belittle the burden that student debt has upon

most of our generation and equate reactions to emojis is worrisome. It shows a real lack of understanding of the issue from a political figure who could actually make a difference.

Since I have become more selfaware of my own experience with anxiety and the way it affects other people in my generation, I have been able to be a lot more forgiving of myself for once feeling like I was taking a label that did not belong to me. Since this past summer, I have worked hard to educate myself and others about the underlying reasons for experiencing forms of anxiety, and I feel more comfortable with my own experience every day.

Since the middle of this past summer I have had two full-blown panic attacks. These are much larger, longer versions of an anxiety attack — during these episodes I had a harder time breathing, moving and sitting still than I ever have in my life. It was incredibly scary and I have worked hard to eliminate the things in my life that cause me to feel like giving into the panic is the only outlet I have. Sometimes it flares up, but I strive to find ways of dealing with it for myself, and helping others who may need the same support. Anxiety is not like the flu, where you can easily test for symptoms and provide some quick fixes. Sometimes it is a real battle just to explain to someone what you are going through, let alone seek help or a diagnosis.

I am lucky to be able to navigate this in such a fashion; some people deal with anxiety they cannot control, anxiety that is harder to push away with just a change in pace or scenery. For some people it is a constant they learn to live with. Rabow provided further insight here, saying, “People who self-diagnose and those who have been given a diagnosis of anxiety disorder need to realize one thing; you are greater than your labels. I do not think those who selfdiagnose or have others diagnose them… are taking anything away from those who are professionally diagnosed. Both are suffering. Both

need understanding. Both need to rise above perceived limitations.”

The important thing is that as a society, we continue to learn to accept what anxiety is and realize that it comes in all kinds of forms, for all kinds of people. We should not belittle it or close ourselves off to un-

world. While I do consider there to be a very apparent disconnect in the way other generations and lawmakers perceive millennials and anxiety, it is a gap that can be bridged.

Us Millennials may get a bad rap for being “fragile snowflakes,” or using mental health to rationalize stress or whatever else the mainstream m e d i a would like to throw at us, but I still think that my generation is more than equipped to deal with a lot of the mess that previous generations have left for us. Says Rabow, “I do not think people use anxiety as an excuse for being stressed out... It is no less debilitating if they have been professionally diagnosed or not...

Unless you are in a person’s shoes, you cannot know how hard anxiety can be to do battle with on a dayto-day basis. I consider these people performing acts of quiet heroism every time they try to rise above their challenges, whether they are victorious that day or not. To those suffering with anxiety, I say to you, have faith, seek out mentors, align with those who see you as more than your labels.”

When I sought out help, I realized I was not alone. And neither are you. ___________________________________ Mila Phelps-Friedl is a third-year journalism major. You can email them at mphelpsfriedl@ithaca.edu. To contact the Counseling and Psychological Services Center, call 607-274-3136.

To speak to a counselor for consultation or urgent concerns: Call 607274-3136. To reach out to mentoring through Ken Rabow, check out this website, https://www.reallifecoaching.ca:10400/.

“When we never look down as we hammer things, it’s easy to blame the hammer instead of the fact we never learned to really look at what is going on.”

P

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Upfront

derstanding it just because Millennials seem to be more anxious than the Baby Boomers or Generation X. We are not our parents or our grandparents, and things are very different for us now than it was for them when they were our age. Jules Schroeder of Forbes Magazine writes that “with so much pressure to live up to our ‘greatest potential’ or to have ‘made it’ before turning 30, it’s no surprise that so many of us feel anxious.”

The Global Wellness Institute spoke to Thierry Malleret, an economist, who said that “Younger generations, in particular Millennials, look to have stressful future economic challenges. The trifecta of (1) rising underemployment or unemployment, (2) rising student debt, and (3) rising property prices, makes them asset-poor and debt-rich — the worst possible combination for spurring investment and consumption.”

I truly think that one of the issues older generations see with millennials and anxiety is that few of us have been impacted by historical events such as the Great Depression or a World War. Other generations had a million reasons to be depressed and traumatized and anxious about the state of the world in these times.

However, these generations also did not understand as much about mental health as we do today, so it’s not a very fair comparison to make.

Anxiety is a very real, very scary thing. I have been terrified of losing breath and feeling my heart begin to beat at what seems like a million miles an hour. I can only imagine how hard it is to have your anxiety influence your ability to get up each and every day, and face the outside

BUZZSAW: The Cryptic ISsue

TRYofCOOL. MINISTRYof

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Scare-acters: Where Your Halloween Costumes Come From

Have you ever wondered why little kids dress up as serial killers? Buzzsaw examines why.

By Audra Joiner, Staff Writer

H

alloween is a time for characters of all types; from newer characters such as Jason Voorhees and Freddy Kreuger, to older ones such as Dracula, Wolfman and Frankenstein’s monster, it’s easy to pick the ghoul that will suit one’s costume needs.

Certain costumes are easy, some are common, and some are creative. All can be attributed to some kind of folklore, whether it be modern or historical, but even the simple ones can be overlooked.

What’s the history behind your Halloween costume, and what does it say about you?

On the surface, creatures like Dracula seem simple enough to decode; they’re representative of

Image by Courtney Yule

costume despite its disturbing origins.

And then, of course, killers like Jason and Freddy, as well as Pennywise from It and Ghostface from Scream, are inspired by real life costumed killers.

John Wayne Gacy, a serial killer from the late 1970s, was a performing clown who raped and killed young men, and often dressed as his “clownterpart” in order to perpetrate these killings.

Killer Ed Gein made masks out of his victim’s flesh, an act that is partially (if not as gruesomely) reflected in the mask-wearing killers that dominate the silver screen, such as Buffalo Bill in The Silence of the Lambs. This trope is so common that it’s often hard to pinpoint its exact origin. However, it is by no means something new, but simply a reflection of the serial killers that have dominated urban legends and campfire stories for as long as people have been telling them.

It’s true that these creepy characters have become common Halloween costumes for children and adults alike.

While the most popular costumes change from season to season, with princesses and superheroes surging ahead as best sellers, these have become mainstays, simple and scary costumes that will never go away. Their origins can be disturbing, twisted and disgusting, from bloody murderers and impaling princes to innocent men and women who were falsely accused. It’s strange to remember that, at times, we turn these things into an event, a goofy one with candy and fake blood.

But it doesn’t make Halloween any less spooky. ______________________________________ Audra Joiner is a first-year exploratory major who has dressed up as Hermione Granger five years in a row.

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Ministry of Cool

incredibly famous gothic science fiction novels, and they’re perhaps the most universally known, least scary horror characters of all time. They’re ScoobyDoo scary, intended for little kids and the occasional, unsuccessful reboot.

The truth about Dracula is, however, much more terrifying. According to legend, he comes from a terrorizing prince by the name of Vlad the Impaler, who captured, tortured, and, as the name implies, impaled hundreds of

victims during his various reigns. It’s unclear exactly where specific aspects of his mythology come from, but many have their roots in ancient mythology; vampires got their aversion to garlic from the ancient Egyptian belief that it had healing powers, and the idea that a stake in the heart was the only true way to kill a vampire came from the idea that it would “deflate” them, which often led people to bury their dead under a sharp wooden stake.

Characters like werewolves have similar backgrounds in fear. Although legends of werewolves date back to Ancient Greek mythology, they truly rose to prominence during the era of witch trials, when it seemed that every illness could be blamed on a curse or transformation. In fact, there is evidence that executions occurred in what is now Switzerland, and that oftentimes, these people were also taken as witches during the burnings and hangings that so often occurred.

However, in some places in Europe, it was often treated more as an illness, and lycanthropic cures were pedalled around, promising to heal loved ones of their afflictions. Much of this can be attributed to a misunderstanding of medical conditions, mental illness and the same mass paranoia that caused hundreds of women to be burned at the stake as witches.

Another popular costume is, of course, that of a witch. The folklore behind witches is perhaps more well known, but is by no means less disturbing. They have their origins in the Hebrew Bible, with the Witch of Endor, and reappear in the mythology of Ancient greece. They’re described in a relatively benevolent light until the Renaissance, and again in Shakespearean literature like Macbeth, where they start to become the broomriding, cauldron-owning witches that we see in modern lore. A great deal of the mythology gets enforced, of course, during the Salem Witch Trials, when people were executed as witches for crimes such as taking away their husband’s virility, producing medicines and allegedly bewitching men. Not only did this early paranoia lead to English class mainstays like The Crucible, as well as modern portrayals of witches as in American Horror Story’s Coven, but it has become a classic Halloween

Why You Should Watch American Vandal

Who drew the dicks? Netflix original American Vandal answers this question in a mockumentary style.

By Mateo Flores,

BUZZSAW: The Cryptic Issue

W

ho drew the dicks?” is the question posed

by American Vandal, one of Netflix’s newest original TV series.

Somewhere towards the later episodes of the show I actually found myself muttering that to myself: “Who drew the dicks?” I thought about the suspects, the validity of their alibis and the opportunities they would have had to commit the crime.

But more importantly, I thought about who spray painted huge red penises all over the cars of the faculty of Hanover High.

American Vandal is about senior Dylan Maxwell, recently expelled from Hanover High after being suspected of vandalizing 27 teachers’ cars with huge red dicks. This silly story is told very seriously by Peter Maldonado and Sam Ecklund, two aspiring sophomore filmmakers who try to clear Dylan’s name by creating a documentary.

Their documentary, American Vandal, is what we watch as the boys interview teachers, students and professionals, hoping to get closer to the truth.

The actual showrunners of American Vandal put a lot of effort into making sure that you believe you’re actually watching a student documentary. The first season is riddled with animated graphics, demonstrations and recreations; even the title sequence credits the characters in the show as the crew. While other TV shows use social media like Twitter and Instagram as plot devices to decide who is popular and who is crushed under heavy social scrutiny, Vandal understands how it actually works, especially in a high school setting. It all works really well; it’s easy to get lost in the high school drama. The showrunners have done their job; one of the first things that comes up if you type “Is American Vandal,” into Google is, “Is American Vandal real?”

With a premise as ridiculous as, “Who drew the dicks”, the show is comedy based, bolstered by how seriously the characters of the show will say such blatantly stupid things. There’s a farcical sense of humor every time Peter says “drew the dicks” or examines a suspect or witness with such unnecessary scrutiny. The show knows how absurd the

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vandalism is: penis related wordplay and dirty jokes does also comprise some of the humor. Even the episode titles are dick double entendres; the showrunners have worked their dick jokes to an almost ridiculous degree.

But in the midst of the farcical comedy Vandal doesn’t lose track of the mystery. The show still remains about Dylan’s wrongful expulsion and Peter and Sam’s desire to clear his name. It progresses through the mystery in a way that makes sense, taking detours to expand on the characters’ backstories and motives. In the first half of the season, the show tackles the four main reasons why the school believes Dylan was the culprit, and the latter half of the season follows Sam and Peter as they start doing their own research and investigations. The first half is more comedic and the second more dramatic, but with each episode the mystery becomes more intriguing. You’ll start to pose theories yourself of who could have drawn the dicks. And even though it’s easy to laugh at how seriously the characters are taking the situation, you’ll find yourself taking it seriously as well.

Vandal also succeeds in its ability to create realistic characters. I couldn’t help but compare the characters in the show to people I actually knew in high school.

And in a sense, it feels like you know these characters already because of how realistic they are. In your four year high school experience, you definitely knew someone like Alex Trimboli or a teacher like Mr. Kraz.

The character who really shines, however, is wrongly accused Dylan Maxwell. He’s a stoner burnout who is pretty much harmless, even if he wasn’t necessarily a great student. He’s not the type to vandalize 27 teachers’ cars and cause $100,000 in damages.

In the beginning, he’s a source of a lot of the comedy. His antics with his group of friends “The Wayback Boys” and the videos he posts to his YouTube channel are ridiculously hilarious. But he’s also a tragic character at heart; as his friends

go to school, he has to wait at home and reluctantly work as a Postmates delivery man. He hated school; but now that he can’t attend he just wants to go back.

He’s totally helpless in his situation, and through Jimmy Tatro’s performance you can see the sadness behind his eyes as he talks to the cameras about his situation.

“Clean Up,” American Vandal’s final episode, is probably the most memorable episode of television I’ve seen this year, and it’s where the show falls into place. It’s masterful in its execution and the questions it raises not just in the sense of plot, but also in its themes — our relationship with social media, the way a young person’s life is defined, reputation and our ability to judge people at first glance. “Clean Up” is the show’s best episode without a doubt, and it’s worthy of some Emmy attention. After seeing our main cast grow since episode one — the way Peter asks questions, the way Sam proposes theories and the way Dylan chooses to define himself — the show ends on an unexpected emotional gut punch I don’t think I’ll ever forget. In its final moments, the episode cuts back to its first moments where Peter asks Dylan who he is. “I don’t know dude I’m just Dylan.

What do you mean who am I? That’s a stupid question,” Dylan says, looking at Peter past the camera. “He’s right, that is a stupid question,” Peter says in a voice over. At its core, Vandal wants to criticize the way we represent ourselves and the way others view us in our modern world. It succeeds, without a doubt, and it’s because of this that American Vandal transcends parody and becomes satire. And that’s a lot coming from a show that’s centered around someone spray painting dicks on cars.

Mateo Flores is a first-year Writing for Film, Television, and Emerging Media major who did not draw dicks on the backseat of his schoolbus.

Arts, entertainment and other things cooler than us.

In honor of Twin Peaks’ revival, Buzzsaw deconstructs Lynch’s cryptic filmography.

By by Tyler Obropta,

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naked woman emerges from the autumn night.

Her skin is pale, and her mouth is bleeding. She sits on the curb, crying, just down the street from two children. One of these kids grew up to be American surrealist director David Lynch — “I’d never seen an adult woman naked,” he said when recalling the night in the recent documentary David Lynch: The Art Life.

Lynch’s limited filmography evolves from his 1977 debut Eraserhead through Twin Peaks — TIME magazine’s Richard Zoglin called the show “the most hauntingly original work ever done for American TV” — and continues to 2001’s Mulholland Dr., undoubtedly one of the most frustrating, complex and affecting films made this century.

But even at his most accessible with the likes of Twin Peaks, The Elephant Man and Dune, the director maintains his foggy, dreamlike style.

In interviews, Lynch dodges questions about his films’ meanings.

When he’s asked a question he feels like answering, he scrambles for the right words, but he says them with the kindhearted cadence of his humble middleAmerican upbringing (he’s an Eagle Scout, and he was born in Montana).

In The Art Life, Lynch sculpts, paints, smokes and pontificates about stories from his childhood and art school for all 77 minutes, saying almost nothing about any of his films. Instead, Lynch talks about playing in the mud with his childhood friends, about preserving dead birds and rotting fruit, and of course, about the naked woman.

Martin Scorsese was a film student, Terrence Malick was a philosophy student and David Lynch, through and through, was an art student. His films share the surrealist focus of his paintings, as well as their lack of color.

“Black and white takes you kind of far away,” Lynch once said. “Some things are said better in it, some feelings come across better.” Eraserhead, a film that unfolds like a long, uninterrupted nightmare, is shot entirely in black and

white, as is his grainy, standarddefinition home-video movie Inland Empire, which is probably the closest he’s gotten to making a film about nothing. The Elephant Man, portions of Twin Peaks: The Return and a twenty-minute video of Lynch teaching you how to cook quinoa are black and white as well.

To speak of the style of Lynch and to try and reach a conclusion about his work is to row in circles forever: His films are elaborate puzzle boxes with no easy solutions.

You can say Mulholland Dr. is about deconstructing the fantasies people have about Hollywood stardom, or you can say it’s about professional anxiety. Like all Lynch films, Mulholland Dr. shows the darkness lurking beneath the surface. In Blue Velvet and Twin Peaks, small-town America is put under the microscope; in Fire Walk With Me, Lynch finds Oedipal terror and cosmic darkness in domestic life, in the home and in Mulholland Dr., his gaze turns to Hollywood to show the absurdity and evil that lies just so slightly out of sight.

But to put forth any one of these readings is to open a new line of questions: What about the subplot with Justin Theroux’s character and his wife? What does the cowboy mean? What is the creature in the alley outside Winkie’s?

Even Lynch himself doesn’t always know what his films are about. Inland Empire, for example, began shooting without a script, and Lynch would hand freshly written scenes to the cast the day of shooting. In interviews, Laura Dern said she had no idea what the movie was about and would have to wait to see it screened to discover for herself.

And Lynch’s films are always perverse. They’re threatening and terrifying. Eraserhead has deformed babies, and it’s got heads being turned into — you guessed it — erasers for pencils. Blue Velvet puts Dennis Hopper, Isabella Rossellini

and Kyle Maclachlan in some of the most aggressive yet objectively filmed sex scenes in American cinema.

Lynch even transplanted that terrifying memory of the nude woman into Blue Velvet, when Rossellini, naked, beaten and bruised, staggers toward MacLachlan in the dead of night. Each of his movies function as a series of dreams linked together by webs of interconnecting stories and themes.

Lynch is fascinated by dreams, and his films take frequent dives into them. Surreal peaks exist in all of his works, from the Red Room of Twin Peaks — “That gum you like is going to come back in style” — to the Club Silencio performance from Mulholland Dr. But like Club Silencio, Lynch will always use action over dialogue. When his characters speak, their words are intentionally stilted and strange.

Lynch will often try and circumvent the need for talking entirely, as in Fire Walk With Me. When two federal agents meet with their boss (played by Lynch himself) for their next assignment, he introduces a girl who mimes out a few poses and actions. The agents use her clothing, facial Sounds weird, doesn’t it? Lynch has inspired infinite books and essays to be written about his films because he’s weird. He refuses to give answers and refuses to produce coherent, easy movies.

Under that white, wavy hair style and those button-up shirts and suit jackets, Lynch is an artist. He might know exactly what he’s doing. He might not. But whatever Lynch is thinking about while he works, you can guarantee that even if he knows exactly what his stuff is supposed to mean, he’s not about to let you in on the joke.

Tyler Obropta, staff writer, is a thirdyear Cinema and Photography major who watched three Lynch video essays before writing this article.

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Ministry of Cool

BUZZSAW: The Cryptic Issue

The Key to Unlocking David Lynch

Concert Review: Foster the People

By Hannah Fitzpatrick, Contributing Writer

BUZZSAW: The Cryptic Issue

A

fter two years, homecoming concert is back again at Cornell. The Cornell Concert Commission announced last month that the California-based band, Foster The People, would be playing at Barton Hall as part of the 2017 homecoming festivities. Best known for their 2011 Billboard Top 100 hit “Pumped Up Kicks,” they recently dropped their third album Sacred Hearts Club in July and have been touring for most of this fall. Barton Hall was packed for last Saturday’s event; the line to get into the venue stretched all the way down Statler Drive.

The show began with a set by Chicago-based underground rapper Towkio. He got the crowd hyped up with his hits “Drift” and “Gang With Me,” and invited some fans to dance with him on stage near the end of his set. However, his performance was cut short by security after he inappropriately danced with one of the fans.

After Towkio was kicked off stage, Foster The People came out to perform their long-awaited set.

The two hours I spent in line outside were definitely worth the wait. The band played their hits along with some of their lesser-known songs from all three of their albums (Torches, Supermodel, and Sacred Hearts Club). Throughout the performance, the lead singer, Mark Foster, kept the crowd’s energy super high with his dance moves, encouraging the crowd to sing along during some of the songs. They also performed “Blitzkrieg Bop” by The Ramones, and the lyrics “Hey! Ho! Let’s go!” reverberated across the entire venue.

Mark Foster gave a few short speeches between songs stressing the importance of being compassionate to others and remaining unified in the age of partisan politics. His words to everyone in the auditorium of Barton Hall were powerful and

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relevant.

“It felt important to write that record [Sacred Hearts Club] in the spirit of joy as a weapon, because joy is the best weapon against depression.

Music, in my opinion, happens to be the most unifying thing in the world and, always remember, that love will always be bigger than politics”.

Overall, Foster The People put on an amazing show for the Ithaca community, and I highly recommend to anyone to go check them out next time they have a live show in the area.

Their positive messages about love and unity, along with their upbeat lyrics and contagious charisma, are sure to bring people of all ages together, dancing and singing along to their songs.

RAW SAW

Gerard’s Game

FROM THE

Movie Review Mateo Flores Amidst a Stephen King renaissance of big budget blockbusters like It and The Dark Tower, it might be easy to let Gerald’s Game go under the radar.

Gerald’s Game is by no means one of King’s more popular novels. It wasn’t a hit with critics or readers, and contains a very polarizing ending that has been heavily criticized. So, why would Mike Flanagan carry a copy of the novel to every meeting he went to, hoping that one day one studio would allow him to make his dream film?

Gerald’s Game focuses on couple Jessie (Carla Gugino) and Gerald (Bruce Greenwood), who go to their vacation home to bring some much needed life back into their struggling marriage. Jessie and Bruce are two different people: Jessie sympathizes with a stray dog eating roadkill off the street, and Bruce wonders what could be done to keep stray dogs from standing in the middle of the road while he’s trying to drive. So, how do they plan to spice up their marriage? Jessie brings silk lingerie and a complacent attitude for Bruce’s fantasies; Bruce brings handcuffs. As Bruce closes the cuffs around Jessie’s small wrists and

work here. There was something off about the way the living Gerald behaved that made him intimidating; and Greenwood’s portrayal of Jessie’s mental manifestation of Gerald is very different from the now dead Gerald, but not so different as to be unrecognizable.

Flanagan’s passionate direction is what truly helps the film land on its feet. He documents Jessie’s inner turmoil and distress with wide shots that almost always capture her suspended arms to remind the audience how helpless Jessie is. His love of the characters really shines through, and he guides his actors to give their all to an unconventional premise.

Gerald’s Game isn’t exactly what you think it is. Everything about it feels unexpected; from the powerful ending and the characterization of Jessie, to the literal and figurative monsters that haunt our trapped protagonist. But it all works. There was a lot of room for error and Flanagan guides his passion project through it with graceful attention.

I’m just as happy that Netflix gave Flanagan the opportunity to make his dream movie, because it’s a film that I won’t soon forget.

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Ministry of Cool

BUZZSAW: The Cryptic Issue

Staff Writer

the sturdy tall bed posts, we get the impression from his almost devious expression that this is not going to end well. And it doesn’t — Bruce dies of a heart attack soon after strapping Jessie in, leaving her trapped and helpless. Even worse, the stray dog hungrily saunters in, ready to play a waiting game. After Gerald’s death, this becomes Jessie’s movie — she’s the only living character on screen. Her subconscious manifests in a version of Gerald that pops up and criticizes her behavior and another version of herself that just wants the physical version of her to survive. This new Gerald criticizes her actions in their marriage in a way that only Jessie would be able to. The second version of Jessie stands up for actual Jessie by biting back with harsh commentary. It’s compelling and smartly written — Jessie’s forced to come to terms with all that’s happened in her marriage that leads her to this point. Gerald’s Game is a character study of Jessie, whose situation embodies her experiences.

Gerald’s Game is led by Gugino’s powerhouse performance. She has to play two parts: the tough and powerful manifestation of Jessie’s subconscious and the fragile and desperate physical Jessie who sits restrained with her arms suspended. Her second self criticizes Gerald’s sexual performance, all while the physical Jessie chokes out horrified sobs. She tackles both characters with enough distinction to demonstrate the contrast between them, but also with enough similarity between both versions to make them feel connected and unified. Greenwood also does great

Lucky Film Review

Beck

Tyler Obropta Staff Writer

Colorful Tunes Album Review

Tessa More Staff Writer

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Most actors are not lucky enough to be sent off with a soulful passion project as their tribute, but Harry Dean Stanton — who died in September — is not most actors.

Here, Stanton plays the eponymous Lucky of actor John Carroll Lynch’s directorial debut, from novice screenwriters Logan Sparks and Drago Sumonja’s script. Lucky lives in a small town in the Southwestern United States, in an isolated house with shadowy mountains and monstrous saguaro cacti as his only neighbors. Every morning, he does his yoga exercises, drinks a cup of milk (his fridge contains three cartons and some eggs, and nothing else), listens to Latin music on the radio and makes some coffee.

The biggest conflict in Lucky is against age, but even then, Lucky seems to have made his peace with it. When the doctor (Ed Begley Jr.) admonishes him for smoking, telling him that those cigarettes are going to do him in one day, Lucky dryly responds, “If they could’ve, they would’ve.”

But the film’s talkative script makes ample room for some memorable supporting performances, too.

Barry Shabaka Henley plays a similar role to his appearance in Jim Jarmusch’s Paterson, though this time, he’s a charming diner owner instead of a bartender. And famed surrealist director David Lynch steals every scene he’s in as Howard, a man who’s lost his tortoise. He values it more than life

Remember Beck? That catchy 90s singer of “Loser,” which was an anthem for anyone who didn’t quite fit into the norm? Now, 23 years after the release of his most iconic song, his 13th album Colors explores the meaning of life and the benefit of appreciating the subtle moments along the ride. He creates bubbly electronic pop music that goes against the common conception of Beck, but that holds onto listeners with a sizzling funk. Colors is Beck’s first album since winning the Album of the Year Grammy for Morning Phases. The response to Beck’s win was overwhelmingly negative, due to the shocking snub of Beyonce’s self-titled album.

The title track kicks off the album in a mellow, upbeat manner, a vibe that Beck has mastered.

Beck sings, “All the colors, see the colors, make the colors, feel the colors / tell me, do you feel alive?” “Seventh Heaven” follows it up, with an infectiously groovy tune. Consider this song your time machine to transport you to a sunnier musical era.

Have you ever wondered if Beck would respond to the press about his upset-Grammy win? “I’m So Free” might not be a direct dig at the ‘Beck haters’, but it does thumb its nose in that direction with the lyrics, “Nobody’s going to keep me down / gonna do, gonna do, gonna do what we want.”

The first single from the album, “Dear Life,” is possibly the best introspective, psychedelicallyinclined song on the album (if not of the year). If you haven’t listened to it yet, go watch the music video on the largest screen you can find with

itself and has no reservations about letting the whole town know — “There are some things in this world that are bigger than all of us, and a tortoise is one of them!” he shouts at one point.

Those disillusioned with character studies will have a hard time stomaching Lucky, as the whole film is carefully built around Stanton. His backstory even pulls from the actor’s personal life, such as his never marrying and time in the Navy.

The camera rarely leaves Stanton alone. He is in every scene and elevates them all with a sardonic glance or a slow, steady drag on a cigarette. And he sings, too!

Yet, there aren’t any fantastical moments in Lucky, no hard drama or quick action. In one scene, Lucky wanders into a bar after completing the daily crossword.

The drinking folk expect him to tell them what word he learned that day — “Realism is a thing,” he says to them, and then he recites the definition out loud. And you don’t have to be a college professor to figure out what the filmmakers are trying to tell you there.

There’s a moment in Lucky when the character stands on a sandy hill, surrounded by 30-foot-plus cacti, and it’s not a big stretch to assume that John Carroll Lynch wants us to conflate those cacti with Stanton. They’re both tall and silent, noble yet prickly. They’re creatures that seem to have been here long before us and have no designs on leaving. And Stanton proudly stands there amongst them, waiting for his turn at oblivion.

the volume blasting, you’ll thank me. Sit back and enjoy as the tune reverberates in your bones and buries itself deep in your brain. You’ll be humming it for days.

“Dreams,” another single, was released way back in 2015, a much simpler time that many would like to return to. “Come on out of your dreams and wake up from your reverie / time is here, don’t go to sleep.” If the song was written this year, perhaps it would convey a different message, maybe even along the lines of going back into your dreams and escaping this nightmare.

“Up All Night” is an anthem for anyone in love who never wants to miss a moment with their person.

We’ve all been there, forgoing sleep to spend time with our favorite somebody. “Square One” questions where we will wind up at the end of the world, all the meanwhile, “going down hard for the girl”. Love and meaning of life are prominent themes Beck merges in “Square One” and throughout the album. Even while life as we know it may be coming to an end, you should still look around you and take in the scenery and vivid colors blending and molting to create a larger image.

I recommend listening to this album in a place that is visually stimulating, whether it’s with feet dangling over a dock at a sun-kissed lake or gazing out of a window on a moving train as the leaves change. As much as you’ll feel inclined to close your eyes and let the music wash over you, Beck would want you to listen with eyes-wide open, because sometimes life is about watching where the journey takes you.

Pale Honey

Music Review Audra Joiner

King Krule

Staff Writer

The OOZ Album Review

Brianna Pulver Layout Editor

There’s something truly cryptic about Pale Honey’s latest release that’s impossible to put a finger on. The mellow, heavy sound is spellbinding. There’s something dark and intimate about it, and that’s what makes it so beautiful. The duo offers a twist on the guitarand-rhythm exclusive band, something long played out by bands like The Black Keys, and they turn it into their own sound. Started

by Nelly Daltrey and Tuva Lodmark, two young women from Sweden, the band offers a smooth, indie rock sound you can’t hear just anywhere.

Devotion is the band’s sophomore release, and it shows. Their self-titled release features a much more eclectic and less mature sound, one that hadn’t quite decided what genre it was. In contrast, the new release is much more cohesive, with a dark, witchy sound that displays a great deal of raw emotion. The downside to this controlled sound, however, is it never allows this raw emotion to come to a head. There isn’t a climax, just one long note, almost like the soundtrack to a movie you’d pull up again and again. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, and it’s best represented with

soul, so much raw energy. I want to breathe it all in and oxidize it into my bloodstream. The OOZ is masterful, emotional, individual — and a profound realization of what can come out of the messy shit.

The snot. The sweat. The OOZ.

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Ministry of Cool

Archy Marshall, more commonly known as King Krule, is doing some incredible things with music right now. Our man finally released his third studio album, The OOZ, on October 13 — a nineteen-track excursion through the little waves in Marshall’s brain. Weeks before the album dropped, he had put out a couple teaser singles on Youtube and various other media (“Czech One” and “Dum Surfer”), but the finished product absolutely killed the game.

I knew this album was going to be incredible, but I could never have predicted this. I didn’t know how he’d follow up from A New Place 2 Drown and how he would make it as multi-dimensional and thoughtful. But OOZ exceeded all expectations and he did it so well. You just can’t do what Marshall does.

His lyricism is dizzying and the music itself has this mystical confidence to it that, when woven together, mesh and mold to create this moving, breathing organism. I am certain he’s not human and we’re just going to have to thank the universe for gifting us with this talented alien man. Marshall has this rhythmic, authentic voice that just tears through. It can peel you back and sit you down in a chair and make you sink into it. Before you know it the walls have disappeared.

Every song on this album was written by Marshall, and only one was a collaboration with another artist — songwriter/model Kaya Wilkins (“Slush Puppy”). There’s so much

songs like “The Heaviest of Storms (Devotion, pt.

1),” which allows for a very mellow listen, one you can choose to focus on or leave in the background while you go about your day.

The lyrics are beautiful, but they don’t seem to be the focus of the album. Instead, like the album itself, they provide a smooth cadence overall, rather than shouting at the listener to pay attention to them. They offer the same emotion as the tone of the album, one that’s almost mournful and angry. Tracks like “Get These Things Out of My Head” display it best, with lyrics like, “Still this storm inside of my mind/all the words I’ve tried to deliberate/turned me inside out,” which represent the pleading sound of most of the lyrics on the album as a whole. It’s raw, it’s emotional, and it’s consistent, all of which are a good departure from the band’s first album.

It’s hard to say exactly what feels so right about Pale Honey’s Devotion. It’s haunting, it’s soft, and it’s intense, for sure, but there’s so much more that’s difficult to pinpoint. But it’s easy to say that, for a relatively new band, it pinpoints the exact place it needs to be. Without an extreme change from their first release, and it truly shows a maturity and cohesiveness that will make the band a name in indie rock for years to come.

Battle of the Sexes

Film Review Mateo Flores Staff Writer

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Battle of the Sexes is, on the surface level, a movie of twos. It depicts real life Billie Jean King and Bobby Riggs, two very different tennis players at two opposite ends of social and political thought. Battle is about their different lives and struggles and their coming together at a “battle of the sexes” tennis match. Battle is helmed by two directors, Jonathan Davis and Valerie Faris, who are best known for their debut feature Little Miss Sunshine. Unfortunately, this film suffers from their timid approach to the film’s subject matter and at the same time succeeds as a character study of a woman torn apart by the world around her.

Billie Jean (Emma Stone) is a young women’s tennis player who is a big proponent of feminism and equal pay among male and female tennis players. Bobby (Steve Carell) is a 55 year old male chauvinist and retired tennis player with a gambling problem. “You’re a feminist, right?” Bobby asks Billie Jean from a phone booth late at night. “No, I’m a tennis player that happens to be a woman.”

Billie Jean answers from a hotel room on her national tennis tour. These two characters are at two different points in their lives, and the film highlights their differences. We spend more time with Billie Jean, who begins to struggle with her sexuality when she meets Marilyn Barnett (Andrea Riseborough). Riggs struggles with his gambling problem which manifests many times throughout the film, and sets the main conflict into place.

Battle has two excellent leads to explore.

Stone’s performance as Billie Jean may be her best yet. She shows Billie Jean’s contained emotions in a lot of well displayed silent nuance. Between the affectionate glances she shoots at Marilyn, the tentative expressions looking away from her husband (Austin

Stowell), and the challenging looks she gives Riggs, Stone gives us a performance that’s many things all at once. When King and Riggs intersect at the film’s climax, Stone is impossible to look away from. Carell also does a pretty good job with Bobby. He provides most of the comedy in the film, and although Bobby was a very open chauvinist, Carell plays him with a reserved pretentiousness that makes Bobby a bit more tolerable. Emphasis on a bit; Bobby really only exclusively serves as a foil to Billie Jean, and a large portion of his actions are extremely obnoxious.

Outside of the actors’ performances, there is still a lot going for the film. The cinematography

by Linus Sandgren is a sight to behold. Many of his shots are so artistically constructed that the film feels like a moving photography portfolio of beautiful shots and camerawork. The score by Nicholas Britell is also incredibly moving.

The film’s major flaw comes from a lack of any real depth, which stems from unfocused direction and writing. Battle fails to examine any of the events around it with a critical lense. For example, it is implied that a lot of Bobby Riggs’ male chauvinism is just for show; a ploy to get people to want to watch King and Riggs face off because they are so fundamentally different. However, it’s not really made explicitly clear whether he is sexist or not. It seems like an act, but is it? And if it is all an act, what about our society makes Riggs think he has to do this? While the film does have a definite stance on gender equality it fails to examine these themes in any meaningful way.

The film is quick and ready to criticize Bobby on his sexist behaviors, but it never goes beyond that. The film is mostly buildup to a climatic tennis match that’s utterly compelling to watch, but once the match is over, what’s left? Not much, unfortunately.

Scorpio

It’s your season, baby! A lot of love will be coming your way amidst your birthday excitement, but not necessarily romantically. In your intimate partnerships this month, use your sting wisely. Resources will be bountiful but don’t be stingy with them. Share — but don’t overshare — this season.

Sagittarius

Hungry for an adventure this month, you should step outside your comfort zone to satisfy this desire. Although the most adventurous thing you may be do is actually go to your D3 school’s football game on the 11th, make the most of it by surrounding yourself with likeminded bombers. Good vibes only.

Capricorn

Make it a point to thoroughly enjoy the lull in work between midterms and finals. While a lot of people might seek your wisdom this month try not to please everyone before yourself. You know what they say, “Work hard, play hard.” After all, you’re the GOAT.

Aquarius

With cuffing season well underway, make sure your affectionate side and mysterious side don’t crack under pressure. Rather than being your typical, unpredictable self make your intentions clear in all of your interpersonal relationships. Use your excellent communication skills to get what you really want.

Pisces

After months of self indulgence, you need to decide what really matters. When it comes to artistic situations, you thrive — try to channel that energy when dealing with your emotions as it gets colder rather than giving into lazy ways.

Aries

It seems like you’re in a rut right now, but as the month progresses, opportunities to further your career will be imminent. Be open-minded about the possibilities to come; they may show themselves in unexpected ways.

Taurus

With Thanksgiving and Cortaca right around the corner, there may be some recklessness and family debates to come. Regardless of what people say, remember to keep being your unapologetic self — good things will come because of it.

Gemini

After you’ve eaten your pumpkin pie with loved ones, come back to school refreshed so that nerves don’t overcome you. Remind yourself that it’s okay to take time and that sometimes routine is good for your sanity. If you do all of these things, finals will be a breeze.

HOROSCOPES

Cancer

It’s easy to prefer staying at home with your inner circle but make a conscious effort to branch out this month. Use your imagination to find new ways to explore the area around you (East Hill, anyone?) If you end up actually enjoying it, don’t feel guilty for stepping outside of your comfort zone… maybe this is what you were meant for all along.

Leo

Step out of the limelight and take a look at who you really are when no one’s watching. Be collaborative rather than feel the need to be in charge for once. Facing this somewhat difficult reality will allow others to truly know you, too.

Virgo

Libra

Get ready to take on your demons this month. Rather than being passive aggressive, confront your issues head on. Whether it’s the behavior of a roommate or the unfairness of a professor, be logical when addressing them. It may be hard at first but it’s better than holding a grudge and your fair-minded nature will allow you to do so with grace.

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Ministry of Cool

Doing things on your own may be your preference, but it’s okay to reach out to others for help this month. Your hard work is not undermined by seeking out extra support. Lean on others to help take some of the pressure off. Value relaxation and self reflection in the meantime, without worrying about others.

BUZZSAW: The Cryptic Issue

SE&CONS. PROSE&CONS.

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I did what I usually did when I came home; I grabbed what hardly passed as my dinner and opened the back door. My barefeet were cold on the wet grass, and the welcoming smell of autumn nights was in the air. I climbed up the wooden ladder to the tree house Dad and I had built the summer I turned eight.

I picked up my favorite worn book from the stack and snuggled up with the blankets and pillows on the scratched wooden floor. The little lights I added last month twinkled in the darkness, like tiny little stars against the sky.

“Rose?” A faint whisper caught my attention. I couldn’t make out who stood beneath the tree house ladder in the darkness.

“Who’s there?” I said, clutching my mom’s old blanket to my chest as my heart beat fast. He emerged out of the shadow, his left dimple prominent as ever as he grinned from ear to ear.

“Mark?” I said. “What are you doing here?” He started up the ladder. For a split second, our hands touched and I felt electricity run through my body.

I looked at my watch. It was a few minutes past midnight.What could Mark possibly want in my

treehouse this late at night?

Mark walked towards me and draped another blanket over my shoulders.

“Thanks,” I stammered as his hands lingered on my shoulder.

He spoke, breaking the awkward silence. “So, do you hang out here this late all the time?”

I couldn’t help but roll my eyes.

“Why aren’t you at home sleeping?” I laid down on the pile of pillows and blankets, snuggling into the side of the tree house. Mark sat down on the floor across from me. He wore a pair of khaki pants and a dark green v-neck, accenting his mop of dark brown hair.

“You could say I was in the neighborhood,” he said, giving me a mischievous grin. I scooted closer to him, feeling his body heat reverberating into the chilly air.

“Something tells me you have time to explain,” I said trying not to sound flirty, but secretly not minding.

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you,” he said.

His fingers brushed on my collarbone. They were hot, almost branding me.

He continued to stare at me. I could feel my cheeks burning.“Rose, I think you’re incredible.” I couldn’t believe the words spilling from his lips. Had he been in love with me all this time too?

The darkness surrounded us. His strong hand made its way up to my face and I relaxed. He cupped my chin with his left hand and ran his right along the nape of my neck. I leaned in closer, smelling his sweet breath, until I met his lips with mine.

He drew away slowly. “You’re beautiful. You know that, Rose?” I snuggled up against him, a warm heat in the early morning breeze.

We lay there stealing silent kisses with only the constellations as our audience while time froze.

“I want to show you something,” he said. “Follow me.” He grabbed my hand and pushed off the ground.

“Where are we going?” I asked. He only put his index to his lips, signaling that this was our secret.

Behind a nearby house, there was an old quarry full of fresh water that stopped operating years ago. We called it Briar Lake because of the small prickly bushes that lined the area by the banks.

The water was black, like a pool of ink. The rocks surrounding rose up like a castle, and the quarry it’s moat. The “No Trespassing” signs were weathered and beaten, leaning towards one side from the countless windy days.

It had once been a frequented spot in town during the summer months to cool off in the heat.

Families and teenagers would line the small banks of rocks to enjoy time in the water. I used to swim there too. We all did. But that was before they realized how dark the water was. How cold the water was. How sometimes people who went to the quarry never returned. But I was safe with Mark. I knew he would keep me safe. I hadn’t had this much fun since my mom left.

“You up for a swim?” He said, his hands moving towards the hem of his shirt. I nodded, my legs and arms numb to the cold.

I shimmied out of my t-shirt and shivered against the cold. Mark came over and set his clothes down next to mine. He rubbed my arms, warming them up instantly.

“You ready?” He asked, stepping even closer to the water’s edge. Normally I would have felt embarrassed about being this exposed in front of a boy, but Mark was different. Gone were all my fears and worries. Stepping over the edge of the rock, I followed him into the black, endless water.

by Maya Rodgers

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Prose & Cons

The Siren of Briar Lake

costumes

i can cover my body in stones painted white a damsel in a corset laced tight i can polish my teeth just right a dog baring canines ready for a fight let us dart between shadows and give demons a fright i can cover my body in jewels so bright a diamond glistening under a light i can lick my lips just from your sight a devil baring molars eager for a bite let us run between clouds and watch angels take flight

BUZZSAW: The Cryptic Issue

i can be anything you like: a desire, a danger, a delicacy, a demise with spite let us dance, let us sin, let us die, we just might take my arms as we fall from a great height take my hands as we spiral into this dark night

by erin e. shuster

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Consider the White Ceiling

by Margaret McKinnis

Morning Daze

The air meets you at the door, the cool embrace tightens the skin around your bones, sprouting subtle bumps to prove it. However, your walk to class soon makes you numb to these sensations. Securing your headphones in place, you let your feet hit the ground in a rhythmic pattern assuring you’re in synch with the world around you. An expectation within a college landscape.

The sun tries to persuade you of its beauty on your way to class; the way it enlivens the soft blue sky without the extra clouds to ruin its love. But you know the sky is blue. Why stop to catch a detail that persists to be true over hours and days? It’s the subtleties you’re willing to overlook, as your gaze remains fixated down on the dense, black concrete that tracks your progress from point A to point B. You’ll notice these joys when they’re gone, fading into the hues of winter.

By Midday

Before your next class, you rush to the nearest line for coffee. Any place will do. Ubiquitous chatter plays as a dull soundtrack, while you let your thumb methodically sweep the glass screen in your hand. A series of images and brief descriptions occupy the small box. You briefly ruminate on each with a steady, fixed gaze, yet the task only serves as a mindless pleasure, a way to occupy awkward space. Every conscious moment must be saturated with content.

With a cup of black coffee for a companion, you make your way again, as idleness doesn’t feel appropriate. The rich and potent taste in your cup soon becomes lost by the frantic sips you take. Caffeine has developed into a beloved ally in the fight against nights deficient in sleep and days stuffed with movement.

Rush Hour’s Reign

You walk out of class, letting the door close with finality, yet the day still asks more of you. In the hall, you meet your friends for dinner, though you walk alone. The phones that sit restlessly in their pockets have been dormant for fifty minutes too long. Every app deserves to be refreshed and looked after.

As you gather your food in the dining hall and find a seat among the maze of tables, you sit, still for just a moment. In making conversation, your friends’ words are hollow; their resonance can’t compete with the list of ‘to-dos’ nagging the back of your mind, conceived by your internal wariness of late and incomplete work. There’s urgency fluttering around in your stomach, and it will not calm until every task has been accounted for. There’s always more you could do.

Midnight Meditation

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Prose & Cons

Finally, you reach the end. For today. Sleep doesn’t find you the way it used to. In bed, you stare above at the white ceiling. The darkness wrestles with your eyes, as you try to make out the detailing above.

You had never given notice to its texture. Who gifts their time to the ceiling?

Yet with every breath, deepening with a strength from your stomach, you immerse yourself in the marked and spotted elements which soften the space. You find an ease that settles over you, supplied by the nuance spotted from your eyes.

Perspective is always there when you look.

Hungry feels good deep in my stomach making snide comments about my lost feelings of love & lust.

Hungry laughs as my love & lust die, burning out & floating up through my heart to my head where they Rest In Peace.

Hungry stays (he never dies) lingering in dark corners where i can’t reach Him. i don’t want to.

His growls echo through the hollow hallways of my body, yearning to be listened to. i always do.

by Madison Barlow

BUZZSAW: The Cryptic Issue

i give in to His demand to be fed on all of my courage & confidence until i have none left. i allow myself to hear the growling request for food.

He promises it will make me feel full, whole.

He always lies.

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feed me

Tires on wet concrete highways, shiny and sleek, jolt me awake as you swerved to miss the pothole.

Mileage climbing higher on your ’98 Jeep, putting small towns and corn fields behind us.

We watch the fuel light on the dashboard.

Gasoline

by Rae Harris

Passenger seat, with feet outstretched, leaving shoe prints on the glove compartment. Drinking cold coffee, staying awake by eating hot Cheetos and playing Fleetwood Mac Off-key karaoke across state lines, pop ballads for Maryland Tom Petty when we cross the Mason-Dixon, 90’s rap in Knoxville, Tennessee.

Electric music for when we stop and I get a tattoo on my sternum in Nashville.

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Prose & Cons

Missed exits and low tire pressure.

Motels and plastic cups of green tea.

Smoke in our lungs just to pass the time, during still traffic in the South.

It is golden hour, and I watch the sun reflect in thick beams off of the side mirror.

Remember

by

Arleigh

Rodgers

This war will haunt you a year from now, ten years from now. Or it might not haunt you at all; there might be none of you left to haunt but for the worms who find a home in your skull and make a ring on your thumb. If you — when you — come back, you want to come back no less than how you left.

You’ll find no love out there — in the green, in the mud. It will be sucked from the tips of your palms to the back of your spine, from the flow of your blood to the pulse of your heart. No love. There will be no love.

But there will be pain. And fear. And blood and dirt and shit and rain, so much rain. By the time your men, your friends, start to drop like the shots that hit the mud you’re stuck in, you’ll find no love is left for the dead to hold. Take your men on your back. Love will do it no more.

BUZZSAW: The Crytic Issue

All the things they told you, good things, bad things... all these things are false. You know that. Hold them close to your chest, next to your head so you know why they made you do this.

Know things will not be the same as they were. Know the one part of you left is tucked in your chest and can be felt when you breathe. Stay calm.

Breathe, for this pain will shape you. Breathe when you can while the rest is sent to die.

May Death suck down the world that made you like this. May God take his tears and cause the roads to flood. May he stomp his feet on the ones that made these men so hard, so shocked, so cruel. May ash be the one thing left to live on the Earth as the trees burn and each bridge falls.

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Sawdust

WDUST. SAWDUST. SAWDUS

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SPOILERS AHEAD

By Will Cohan, Staff Writer

BUZZSAW: The Cryptic Issue

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tar Wars: The Last Jedi opens with the words, “A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…” If that’s true, then why were there a bunch of dumb humans in the trailer? FYI, humans originated on Earth. So right away, the movie lost me. You can’t go spouting bullshit alternative facts in the very first shot and expect me to take it seriously. I automatically hate this movie just like I hate everything else in the world.

What a surprise.

Anyways, so what the fuck happens in this piece of shit? Well, there’s this big space battle and some ships blow up and who cares? Inside the ship, everyone’s feet were firmly planted on the ground. Obviously, this is impossible in space. People would be flying around like ragdolls. There’s this whiney, emo kid who’s mad about something. I think his name is Kylo Ren but someone calls him “Ben” later on so let’s just compromise with Kylo Ben. Suddenly, the movie cuts to this island in the middle of the ocean and this girl named Rey is swinging around this giant laser sword like a crazy person. Like, we see her literally cut a rock in half with this thing. How is any of this safe? How does she have any of her limbs left? Why won’t someone cut me in half with a laser sword?

What’s worse is that while she’s waving this glowing death stick around, there’s this creepy old man who’s just watching her. Like, he’s just staring at her the whole time and says some weird shit like, “I’ve never seen such power.” Yeah, okay dude, calm down.

But anyways, Kylo Ben’s pissed off because I guess Rey kicked his ass in the last movie so he’s trying to hunt her down. And he’s also got some history with the creepy old man on the island so he’s trying to find them and kill them or something. I don’t know, I wasn’t really paying attention. Kylo Ben’s also got a laser sword but his

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is red (red symbolizes anger for you nerds out there). He’s also working for this really ugly zombie-looking guy called Supreme Emperor Smoke.

Oh shit, I forgot about the telekinesis! So a bunch of the characters in this movie can literally move stuff with their minds. They can also choke each other! So why the fuck are they playing around with swords? Just throw giant rocks at each other. The telekinesis in this movie is called the “force” and everyone talks about it like it’s this spiritual thing. No, we don’t need another scene of someone meditating.

I don’t need to be reminded of my own inability to feel. Just throw some shit!

Jesus Christ!

Anothing thing that’s dumb is how they’re always going to these different planets. First of all, they’re traveling at light speed which is impossible. Your brain would explode or something if you went that fast. But seriously, they’re going to these weird planets that no one’s ever heard of and no one ever thinks to wear a spacesuit! Like, do all of these planets have the exact same atmosphere? When Kylo Ben steps out of his space ship on planet Whogivesafuck and he doesn’t start suffocating from lack of oxygen, he gets lucky. I get angry at movies because there’s no one left in my life to lash out against. Everyone is gone.

Also, I guess every planet has the same mass because gravity never fucking changes. God, this movie is so stupid.

Luckily, I had been drinking pretty consistently through my viewing so I didn’t have to suffer the movie sober.

Alcohol is the only way to make my life bearable. It was around the point when Emperor Smoke force choked Kylo Ben that the eleven shots of vodka began to really hit me. I remember bits and pieces of the rest of the movie so let’s try to get through this.

Kylo Ben finds the old dude and they start beating the shit out of each other. A robot that looks like a trashcan beats up another robot that looks like a beach ball. Emperor Smoke makes

atire threatening the magazine’s credibility since 1856.

Star Wars VIII Review

the creepy old guy explode with his mind. There’s this other guy named Finn and he starts making out with the girl, Rey. Kylo Ben starts crying about something. He cries a lot. I hate Kylo Ben because he reminds me of myself.

A spaceship blows up in a huge explosion. There’s no oxygen in space, stupid. Fire don’t work. Some shitty British robot with a red arm gets his head chopped off and then I woke up in a pool of my own vomit with a splitting headache. Oh god, someone help me.

1 star. Shit Wars. _____________________________________ Will Cohan is a third-year cinema and photography whose favorite Star Wars in Attack of the Clones. You can reach them at wcohan@ithaca. edu.

SongsTo ListenToAs We Die InANuclear Fallout Play us out

By Julia Tricolla, Seesaw Editor

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n recent years, North Korea has made some serious threats to the United States. With leader Kim Jong Un vowing to NEVER stop stockpiling nuclear weapons, and the recent political climate the United States is enduring, it’s imperative that U.S. citizens are prepared. So put away your voodoo tactical mojo apocalypse survival kit, because the only thing you’ll be needing is a device to play music on. Here are the top 10 songs to listen to when North Korea finally drops ‘da bomb.

Stressed Out – Twenty One Pilots Inevitably, when North Korea takes its steps to dropping a bomb on us, the first thing we are going to be is stressed out. There’s no doubt we’ll all feel a little anxious as we see our impending death falling straight from the sky. As we scramble to be near our loved ones (people and animals alike), make sure you’re not going through this time of anxiety alone.

Helps Our Souls – NIHILS Need I say more?

The chorus rings in with a charming, “Help our souls tonight / We are losing, losing this fight. We are, indeed, losing this fight tonight.” The next line singing “Help our souls tonight / Is there no one on our side.” Ughhhhhh, there’s gotta be someone?

Feels Like We Only Go Backwards – Tame Impala North Korea believes our current president has “lit the wick of war” and vows “a hail of fire.”

Next, we enter the stage of delusion.

“Walking on a Dream” by Empire of the Sun and “Time to Pretend” – MGMT. These airy and magical undertones will calm our breathing rate and slowly help us enter a state of euphoria (or that could just be the gas radiation from the giant ball of fire plowing through our stratosphere…)

Love Your Friends, Die Laughin – Man Overboard Grab hold of your friends, kiss the person next to and just “Love Your Friends, Die Laughing” (you should be laughing at this point – the radiation has definitely gotten to your head – you may even believe that the orange thing flying through the sky is just a cheeseball).

Under Cover of Darkness – The Strokes Or ashes?

And when it’s all over, and the United States is scourged and burnt, the only sound that will be heard is Justin Bieber’s, “One Time.”

Listen to this playlist on our Spotify!

Honorary mention: “Run for Cover” by The Killers ________________________________________ Julia Tricolla is a third-year communications, management and design major who will tap their toe through the fallout.

Reach them at jtricolla@ithaca.edu.

Arcade Fire Births New Baby Band Member On stage A desperate plea for attention

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By Tessa More, Staff Writer

notorious, is to stage a live birth of a new band member during their Infinite Content tour, on November 4th in Toronto at Air Canada Centre.

But simply having a live birth on stage between a man and wife isn’t scandalous enough. What paper would pick up the headline,“Two normal married people add an infant new band member grossing out the thirty-four people they convinced to buy tickets to their show?”

Knowing they needed to go outside the box, Arcade Fire concocted a scheme so outrageous I can’t even go into detail here lest I ruin the surprise. …..Fuck it. Win Butler went behind his wife’s back and impregnated another member of the band, the only other woman who can be knocked up, Sarah Neufeld. Not only is this incredibly hush hush, but Sarah Neufeld is not, as the kids call it, “a core member,” so her band membership could be terminated if need be. I don’t know if Régine has the authority, but part of the scandal is that she isn’t in on the secret.

Sarah has to remain in the dark about

who the father is, so the band has been lying to her, telling her that Win’s brother William (another band member) was the one who knocked up Sarah. Although this was intended to be a lie, it could actually be fact, since the impregnation occurred during a routinely scheduled band orgy.

Now you may be thinking to yourself, Régine would know if her husband was fucking other ladies, especially right in front of her during the debauchery. But the real kicker is that she is excluded from these orgies, mainly because she drives the band’s tour bus, and they go at it in the back bedroom with their own music drowning out the sound.

If the news gets out before the scheduled birth, I could be fired, or worse, blacklisted from covering this ridiculously irrelevant band. So you didn’t hear it from me. ________________________________________ Tessa More is a third-year Journalism major who’s been waiting ten years for a baby band member. Reach them at tmore@ithaca.edu.reach them at wcohan@ithaca.edu.

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rcade Fire formed in 2001 in Montreal, Canada. Sixteen years later Arcade Fire can rest easy knowing they’ve made it. With their hit song Everything Now, they’ve achieved the impossible (for them), : a number one single! But does anyone care? Does anyone know who they are or give more than half a shit about them? I know I don’t. Lead singer Win Butler has a pathetic whisper of a voice, that sounds like he never takes a full breath when he sings. Butler and Arcade Fire are trying to ride the momentum of their number one single, but they’re failing. I’ve already forgotten who I’m writing this story about. I just checked. Apparently it’s about some silly Canadian rock band. So to stay relevant, Arcade Fire concocted the ultimate publicity stunt.

As no one knows, lead singer Win Butler is married to band mate, Régine Chassagne, but the drama heats up when you find out that Win Butler has secretly been sleeping around with every other member of the band. His grand idea to become

Rex Tillerson Crushed By Dinosaur Hear him roar

By Kirby Wilhelm, Staff Writer

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h. So many problems with the planet Earth and only Rex Tillerson can solve them all. Utilizing his brilliant corporate mindset, his end goal — or so it says on his LinkedIn — is to “Create an uber-organized world led by a Boy Scout military, with all our seas sludged an abalone-tint, our common land scattered with motorized robot-rigs roving for the very last drop of oil.”

“In truth though, I fucking hate my life,” Tillerson said out loud, to no one in particular while in line at the Foggy Bottom cafetorium. It was just a little past his bedtime. “The Donald chides me for trying too hard, for caring too much about America and our collective interest in making trillions off of carbon-nugget-soup, but I just can’t help myself. I know I have a higherIQ than him and a way higher EQ, but I guess he can say what he wants because his net worth is more than mine.” While looking down-in-thedumps, a man scooping Tillerson’s bureaucratic gruel into a dinosaur mug, brought by Tillerson, commented on the cuteness of it.

Raising the mug and pointing at various extinct reptiles, Tillerson thanked the man. “Thank you my fellow American, this here velociraptor

and this here triceratops are what really keep this country running, heck, this world turning. I have to thank you for understanding how hard we dinosaurs and our supporters have it in this country.” Before the man could respond, Tillerson scooped up 27 plastic spoons and a knife from a cutlery cup and skipped away to a nearby empty table to enjoy his meal.

Scrounging in his coat pocket for a vial of unrefined oil, he soon dropped a couple drops into his stoup.

“I don’t even have a car,” the worker said to me. “I ride my bike everywhere and try really hard to work on reducing my carbon footprint. I care about what is gonna happen later.”

“I don’t even have a car,” Tillerson mimicked, obviously still paying attention to us. “You get a listen of this guy? I mean who doesn’t have a car?

What’s this guy gonna say next? He doesn’t eat meat, doesn’t use plastic?”

“I don’t eat meat,” the man replied from behind the long, dimly lit counter. “I actually care about what happens to this country, and all the people in this world. I used to eat all the animals I could, and now all I think about is the hundreds of screaming pigs, shrilling over-stuffed chickens, and corn-plumped cattle I’ve consumed. And I carry my own spork everywhere, thank you very much.”

Albert

The Stranger

BUZZSAW: The Cryptic Issue

By

Jordan

Aaron,

MOTHER died today.

Or, maybe, yesterday; I can’t be sure.

The telegram from the Home says: YOUR MOTHER PASSED AWAY. FUNERAL TOMORROW. DEEP SYMPATHY. Which leaves the matter doubtful; it could have been yesterday.

The Home for Aged Persons is at Marengo, some fifty miles

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Tillerson rose, grunting in pain while brandishing his mug filled with spoons and withdrew the lone plastic knife from among his cutlery collection, stabbing it into the air.

“Now you listen here, bud. I don’t care about anything you have to say.

I do way more than you ever have, so respect me and my beliefs. My actions and me.”

“Now you listen here Secretary of State Rex Wayne Tillerson. I really, really don’t care about anything you have to say, but I do care about what you do.” The man rose slowly but surely from behind the counter. He kept rising and rising, bursting through the ceiling after a minute, Tillerson watching in awe. A bright flash came out of the man’s eyes, blinding everyone in the venue, with Tillerson screaming and covering his face.

The man had turned into a Argentinosaurus, the largest known herbivore dinosaur, easily weighing in at 100 tons. A little stomp by Argentinosaurus crushed Tillerson.

“I’m gonna go ride my bike home Rex, and please stop using our kind as fuel.” _____________________________________ Kirby Wilhelm is a third-year sociology major who definitely isn’t also a Dinosaur. Reach them at kwilhelm@ ithaca.edu.

CamusTHE

Sawdust from Algiers.

With the two o’clock bus I should get there well before nightfall.

Then I can spend the night there, keeping the usual vigil beside the body, and be back here by tomorrow evening. I have fixed up with my employer for two days’ leave; obviously, under the circumstances,

he couldn’t refuse.

Still, I had an idea he looked annoyed, and I said, without thinking: “Sorry, sir, but it’s not my fault, you know.”

Afterwards it struck me I needn’t have sa _____________________________________ Jordan Aaron is a fourth-year lover of Albert Camus's The Stranger and all things cryptic. Con

Dead Celebrities: Where Are They Now? Besides in their graves

By Tessa More, Staff Writer

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lent Walmart on Black Friday when all you need is a new toaster because your Great-Aunt broke it on Thanksgiving when she tried to reheat the turkey by sticking it in your toaster). But Dr. Seuss isn’t there, instead he’s in a place where he can do whatever he wants while the audio of his books play on a never ending loop narrated by Danny Devito as he eats pickles and tortilla chips.

Who else haven’t we heard from in a while? Debbie Reynolds and Carrie Fisher lucked out, dying within one day of each other meant they got to choose where they spent eternity together. It turns out they both chose Naboo, the most peaceful planet from the Stars Wars universe. Complete with rolling hills and tranquil waterfalls, they could live on the version of Naboo that had never been invaded by the Trade Federation or during the Clone Wars.

This planet doesn’t exist in our universe, but the un-invaded version does exist 17 universes to the right, 523 universes down and blue universes deep. Eternity offers limitless possibilities, and the mother-daughter duo exists there now basking in the sun cracking each other up every day.

Some say there isn’t an afterlife or a higher power and, for them, they’re right. Their own consciousness dictates what happens to them after they die, and no afterlife is created for them.

Instead they suffer in eternal darkness, barely a wisp of consciousness, but enough to know they are something in the endless pitch black. Douglas Adams, author of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, created brilliantly complex other worlds that he could’ve had the opportunity to explore in the afterlife. Unfortunately, Adams was a professed atheist who didn’t believe in life after death. Just because you don’t believe in a singular higher power, doesn’t mean that there isn’t something more powerful than yourself elsewhere that can create eternity. Adams is floating in unbearable mental agony, knowing of his own existence

but unable to do a single thing.

Steve Irwin gave his life to understand animals by being a conservationist and zookeeper. Tragically dying by getting pierced in the chest by a stingray, he now swims peacefully with his aquatic brethren. He also gained the ability to communicate directly with all other beings, transcending the impediment of speech, and gaining telepathy. In addition, he can breath underwater and traverse the furthest depths of the oceans, where he has found portals to other afterlives. Since 2006, he has visited many people’s eternities including: Prince (who lives in a purple psychedelic paradise), Frida Kahlo (Irwin visits her frequently because she resides in a jungle living animals running free). _____________________________________ Tessa More is a third-year journalism major who still thinks Steve Irwin is gone to soon. Reach them at tmore@ ithaca.edu.

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ome celebrities, you don’t hear from them for a few months, or a few years, and your brain forgets that they ever existed. Your brain reminds you each day, “Hey remember that kid from Even Stevens? Is he still alive? Has he done anything to stay relevant?” After all, in Hollywood, if you aren’t relevant you don’t exist.

Albert Einstein rose to fame for his brilliance in theorizing about relativity and influence on philosophy. But if a Jeopardy question were to ask, “Einstein was most well known for which equation?”, you would answer, “What is E = mc^2.” So where is he now?

Most recently, he appeared in the episode of Rick and Morty’s “A Rickle in Time”, when a time traveling space agent went through time to kick Rick’s ass and mistakenly beat up Einstein instead, which then inspired good ol’ Al to understand time, after being told “not to mess with time.”

Do you like green eggs and ham?

Dr. Seuss has flown under the radar for too long after dropping the book Oh, the Places You’ll Go! In 1990, Seuss disappeared and never published a follow up book to depict the places he went. Then suddenly, in 2015, he dropped a new book on us, What Pet Should I Get? But who gives a shit? I don’t care what kind of pet you get, Doctor, I just want to know what the hell you’ve been doing with your life for the past 25 years. Fear not, I know now. Dr. Seuss actually died in 1991 (shocking I know, take a deep breath and stay calm), and since then he’s been atoning for his sinful books, that taught children that rhyming was more important than a substantial lesson. I know I will never recover from the trauma induced by the live-action adaptation of The Cat in the Hat, and Seuss is directly to blame even if he didn’t work on the film. Seuss narrowly escaped eternity in a hell-like place (note: it’s not actually Hell, but an out-the-door line to get into a vio-

4 Best Beers to Condescend To Your Friends About

Because you know you’re better than everyone.

By Audra Joiner, Staff Writer

BUZZSAW: The Cryptic Issue

1. Not Your Uncle’s Pale Stout Every member of your family drinks Bud Light, or Miller High Life, or, if you’re from the Midwest, Pabst Blue Ribbon! You’re a pretentious twentysomething, so why should you be included in that? Try this beer! When you go to family gatherings, be sure to impress your fourteen year old cousin by picking one up. With hints of familial resentment and a whiff of insecurity about being the only one of your cousins without a job or a girlfriend, you’ll be sure to at least have this one! For the full drinking experience, be sure to make comments about the undertones of the beer and how hoppy it is. You’ll be the coolest one at every reunion. Maybe.

2. I Love You, Honeybeer You know, that guy who’s, like, really into Father John Misty? The one who smokes weed “therapeutically” and hangs out at house shows with college girls who are clearly uncomfortable with listening to him talk about his own personal brand of feminism?

You’ll be just as cool as that guy if you drink this beer! Created by Father John Misty himself, this beer is made from the sweat of some guy who exclusively smokes Native American Spirit tobacco rolled in rose petals. As it ferments in one of his old guitars in a Whole Foods parking lot, Misty softly strums a tune about a girl who didn’t answer his phone call in 2003, giving it the slightly bitter edge it deserves. Be sure to ask for it as loudly as possible, but without looking at the bartender, so all the indie girls know you’re aloof.

3. Inglourious Brewskis Do you like movies? Or, excuse me, films? Then you’ll love this beer! Created by Quentin Tarantino in one of Uma Thurman’s shoes from Pulp Fiction, this microbrew will have you interjecting yourself into every casual conversation with an anecdotal anal-

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ysis of how it’s not ACTUALLY racist to sexualize people of color! When everyone else winces, don’t be alarmed; they’re just so amazed with your cinephilia that they have no choice but to agree with you. For a similar flavor, be sure to try Woody Allen’s new Annie Hops brew! It’s equally horrible, but we’re hoping you won’t notice based on the explanation on the bottle.

4. Guy Who Brews His Own Ale You really can be THAT guy at every bar. Only total phonies actually BUY beer, but now, you can impress every girl who ALSO skimmed Catcher in the Rye in high school by saying that exact same thing! Try going in depth with everyone in earshot about your process, and how you let it mellow in your garage next to the car you tried to repair and the record collection you never really got started. It makes a great Christmas gift for your dad, who will leave it in the garage until he can pawn it off on the unsuspecting neighbors when they come over for drinks. ______________________________________ Audra Joiner is a first-year student in the exploratory program and they prefer hard soda to beer. Reach them at ajoiner@ithaca.edu.

BUZZSAW ASKS WHY…

Are wingdings a thing?

We all love meme fonts. Comic Sans, that block text we saw on the memes from the old days, the Papyrus font that Saturday Night Live made fun of for being used on the Avatar movie poster all give us laughs. But one meme font still boggles my mind: wing dings. After realizing that this font is only available in some programs, but not others, like Google Docs, I really began to wonder: who uses this font? Why does it exist?

What is the science of how the symbols relate to English characters? I realized I had to investigate.

A quick google search and Wikipedia article read gave me some useful information, but also some that I don’t understand at all. Apparently, Wingdings is a “dingbat font” developed by Microsoft in 1990. A Vox article says that Wingdings was created not to be used as a font, but was intended to work like emojis.

I also learned that “NYC” in wingdings is this a skull and cross bones, a Star of David, and a thumb up. This caused quite a stir as people saw this as anti-Semitic. There was also a 9/11 conspiracy hoax that claimed that “Q33NY” in wingdings revealed the plane number of the first plane to hit the world trade center. This has been proven false, however.

So, after much investigation, wingdings still seems pretty useless. And that’s why wingdings.

Your editor in font selection, Jordan Aaron

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