The Edible Issue

BUZZSAW

October 2014 Eat Me

News & Views

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Buzzsaw presents...

EDITORS’ COMMENT

The Edible Issue

Bon appetit. It is time to take a bite out of Buzzsaw.

People come and go, seasons change, but food is always there. It comes in many forms and is used for different purposes; it permeates all aspects of our lives.

Food listens to you. Food understands. Food won’t leave you alone right before prom and go with Ashley instead. Food won’t pressure you into doing that thing in bed that you really don’t like doing but will agree to on special occasions like birthdays and anniversaries.

Three Oreo cookies have a total of 7 grams of fat, 14 grams of sugar and 160 calories. Three in every 20 women at Ithaca College have experience with some type of eating disorder. Despite the notable existence of eating disorders and body image issues on college campuses, there is little official research on the subject (Eating Disorders on Campus, pg. 17).

Overeating may cause stomachaches, but what happens when it’s society that’s consuming too much? The freeganism movement is a loosely organized response to American consumerism and overconsumption. While freeganism has its roots in a San Francisco-based anarchist theater group from the ’60s, today it reaches far beyond the City by the Bay (Trash to Treasure, pg. 20).

People can make a living just cooking food, whether tending a hot dog stand on a street corner or commanding the kitchen of four star bistro. It can be a job for some, but for others it is an all-consuming way of life, with each dish a work of art. The lives of those who make the magic happen in the kitchen aren’t as prim and proper as the maitre d’s and servers on the front lines. Food holds them in its inescapable grasp. (Chef Life, pg. 30) Twenty Ithaca College students discuss the weirdest foods they’ve ever eaten, and the responses range from the mundane to the exotic (20 People, 20 Weird Foods, Seesaw).

So sit back, relax, turn off the Food Network, and enjoy.

BUZZSAW News & Views Upfront Ministry of Cool Prose & Cons Sawdust Design Art Website Seesaw

Production Staff

Adviser Founders

Taylor Barker Jessica Corbett Katelyn Harrop Kellen Beck Robert S. Hummel Rachel Maus Chelsea Hartman Lizze Cox David Owens Lexie Farabaugh Jennifer Jordan

Kris DiNardi Jodi Silberstein Taryn Cordani Aimee Chimera Will Uhl Kayleigh Jones Maddison Murnane Michael Tkaczevski Jeff Cohen Abby Bertumen Kelly Burdick Bryan Chambala Sam Costello Thom Denick Cole Louison James Sigman

Buzzsaw is published with support from Generation Progress / Center for American Progress (online at GenProgress.org).

Buzzsaw is also funded by the Ithaca College Student Government Association and the Park School of Communications.

BUZZSAW: The Edible Issue

Vanguard is our press. (Ithaca, N.Y.) Buzzsaw uses student-generated art and photography and royalty-free images.

Section dividers and Table of Contents photography by Alexis Lanza.

Alexis Lanza is a senior film, photography, and visual arts with minors in anthropology and honors. She is interested in photobooks, documentary photography, and experimenting with focus and landscapes. Email her at alanza1@ithaca.edu.

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Views expressed in this magazine are not necessarily those of the editorial staff or of Ithaca College.

Feedback and contributions should be sent to buzzsawmag@gmail.com.

Front cover and back cover by Lizzie Cox Center spread by Claire McClusky

Write Us Our magazine exists to inspire thoughtful debate and open up the channels through which information is shared. Your comments and feedback are all a part of this process. Reach the editors by email at: buzzsawmag@gmail.com

Table of Contents Seesaw ..........................................................6 Print media is dead, check out multimedia on the web.

News & Views .................................................7 Current events, local news & quasi-educated opinions.

Upfront .......................................................15 Selected dis-education of the month.

Ministry.of.Cool ........................................28 Arts, entertainment and other things cooler than us.

Prose & Cons ............................................36 News & Views BUZZSAW

Short fiction, personal essay and other assorted lies.

Sawdust .......................................................42 Threatening the magazine’s credibility since 1856.

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buzzcuts BUZZSAW: The Edible Issue

The Ithaca Farmer’s Market started in 1973 on Saturdays. The main location is at Steamboat Landing, and throughout the week there are also smaller markets at DeWitt Park and East Hill Plaza. Over 150 vendors come to the market from as far as 30 miles away to sell fruits, vegetables, crafts, flowers and other goods.

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News & Views

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20 People, 20 Weird Foods We go through life eating the same type of food day after day. So, Seesaw went to the streets to ask students about the weirdest food they’ve ever eaten.

The responses were amazing.

Good Eats (For Dogs) Jen Sage talks about how her business, Bo’s Bones, is more than just gourmet, organic, dog biscuits. See this company in action at the Ithaca Dog Fest.

BUZZSAW: The Edible Issue

In Case You Missed It: The Peoples Climate March On Sept 21, approximately 400,000 people in New York City marched for climate action before the emergency United Nations Climate Summit. This audio slide show follows the march from 93rd Street and Central Park West to 34th Street and 11th

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www.buzzsawmag.org/seesaw/

Porches Opened to Local Bands Festival serenades two Ithaca neighborhoods

Photo by Alexis Lanza

Robyn Schmitz, Staff Writer

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a band with a “cool dad” vibe, played on North Cayuga Street around the corner from Second Dam’s set, rocking classic hits from the Red Hot Chili Peppers and Tom Petty.

Samuel B. Lupowitz & The Ego Band — a band that puts a modern twist on soulful jams — played their originals for a crowd that gathered around the porch of 215 Willow Ave. Lead vocalist and pianist of the band, Samuel Lupowitz said it was the band’s second year performing at Porchfest and each time was a positive experience.

“Porchfest, as opposed to the coffee shop, bar and club venues, gives you access to a huge smorgasbord of local music,” Lupowitz said. “As an audience member, you’re encouraged to explore. As a musician, you get a casual intimacy and the opportunity to play for people who might never catch one of your gigs at the Dock at 10 p.m. on a Friday.”

Local resident Drew Kellogg had attended Porchfest last year but took more advantage of the variety of music this year “I’ve only been to Porchfest once before to see my friends in Second Dam, but this was my first year that I took the time to explore the entire festival as well as I could,” he said.

The JazzHappensBand played on Franklin Street and attracted a vibrant crowd. The seven-piece New Orleansstyle jazz band drew in local residents

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News & Views

hile wandering the streets of the Northside neighborhoods on Sept.

14 , the sounds of nearly every musical genre could be heard. Porchfest commenced at noon, where around 150 local bands gathered to play short sets on the porches of various homes around the Fall Creek/Northside neighborhoods.

Some bands were electrically amplified while others went acoustic. There was something for every demographic that attended the festival — from college students to families with young children to elderly couples — there were mixes of ages found at each performance.

Local Ithaca College band Second Dam played a set without two of its members. Four of them stood tall on the porch of 201 East Yates St., playing a more raw, broken-down set with an acoustic guitar, violin, bass guitar, ukulele and raspy vocals. Their danceable tunes were broken down to fit the mood of the audience who was seated on the grass in the sun, allowing them to sway and take in the entire environment.

More and more listeners gathered as the band’s set continued. Some listened and enjoyed and then continued wandering the neighborhood. Others set up chairs or found spots on the sidewalk to get comfortable and enjoy the entire set. The laid-back vibe of the entire festival allowed the community to come and go to each porch as they pleased.

After the band’s set, the crowd leisurely headed in various directions, passing rock bands, jam bands and jazz bands along the way. Grass Fed,

who got up to start swing dancing on the street. The Falconers played its three-piece set complete with an upright bass, acoustic guitar and drums.

The power trio played its originals for passersby, amplifying its rock sound.

“I think there’s something really pure and refreshing about the way bands sound at Porchfest,” Kellogg said. “Being outside, a lot of groups took advantage of the atmosphere; they really seemed at ease and intimate with the crowd.”

A group called Answer the Muse is known for its eccentric “transformal performance art” throughout the Ithaca community. The band performs original songs and encourages the audience to participate in breathing exercises that it leads.

“This is your life!” lead singer Jai Hari Meyerhoff shouted to the crowd.

“The good, the bad, the beautiful and the ugly.”

The band’s spiritualness added an entirely new participatory aspect to Porchfest.

Later in the day, Jill McCracken & The Last Hoorah played their first-ever Porchfest set on North Cayuga Street, quickly drawing in a crowd before their set even started.

“The coolest thing that happened at Porchfest for me was that we started playing part of one of our songs for a soundcheck, not actually starting the show yet, and within 30 seconds, the crowd grew from a couple people standing in front of the house to lots and lots and lots of people,” McCracken said. “They actually flocked to our sound and it was only our sound check!”

The crowd continued to steadily grow as the band’s funky and upbeat set went on.

“I think it’s an amazing opportunity to play for a built-in crowd that wants to hear you,” McCracken said.

“There’s no need to try and rally a crowd together to come see you perform. They’re already there and they want to hear you.” _____________________________________ Robyn Schmitz is a senior journalism major who knows how to jam. Email her at rschmit1@ithaca.edu.

Ithaca Mayor Seeks Change in Police Department

Proposal recieves mixed reviews from community and IPD Evan Popp, Contributing Writer

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fter an incident involving an Ithaca police officer drawing a weapon on a group of teenagers, Ithaca Mayor Svante Myrick introduced a new plan at the end of August to improve relations between the community and police force. However, many aspects of the plan have not been welcomed, particularly by members of local law enforcement.

Myrick released an outline of the plan on Aug. 25 via Facebook. He said the plan was proposed in part because of the Aug. 9 incident in which an out-of-uniform Ithaca police officer followed and pulled a weapon on two African American teenagers. The incident occurred on the same day as the Michael Brown shooting in Ferguson, Missouri and has sparked a discussion about community-police relations.

Jamie Williamson, the public information officer at the Ithaca Police Department, said he doesn’t believe the Aug. 9 incident was the only motivating factor behind the Mayor’s plan.

“I am sure that the events of August 9th furthered the process and perhaps put it to the forefront of the mayor’s long list of things to do, but I am confident this incident was not the sole catalyst for his proposed plans,” Williamson said in an email.

BUZZSAW: The Edible Issue

The plan

Myrick said his initiative, which is called “Plan for Excellence in Policing,” features eight steps he believes will improve the IPD. The steps of Myrick’s plan are body cameras on officers and cars; an Ithaca city residence requirement for incoming police officers; a community action team; a downtown outreach social worker; a new district office on the west end; a full review of policies and procedures; a 10 percent increase in police staffing; and improved community outreach programming.

“I think it’s going to lead us into the next generation of policing,” Myrick said.

The plan was formulated after conversations with law enforcement and community members and a review of academic literature, particularly related to body and dashboard camer-

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as, Myrick said. He added most parts of the plan should be ready by Jan. 1.

Residency requirement controversy

While certain aspects of the plan — such as opening a district office on the west end — have been embraced by the IPD, others parts, particularly the residency requirement, have been strongly condemned.

Repeated attempts to reach the Ithaca Police Benevolent Association, the union that represents the IPD, were unsuccessful. However, in a lengthy statement published via Facebook on Aug. 28, John Joly, president of the Ithaca PBA, raised issue with the mayor’s proposal to require incoming officers to live within the city of Ithaca.

“The suggestion that officers who live in the City would be any more invested is inaccurate and unsupported and a slap in the face to the members of the PBA,” Joly wrote. “The notion that resident officers would have a quicker response time is also absurd since officers rarely if ever are called to immediately respond from home.”

Joly went on to note that the cost of living in Ithaca is higher than in surrounding communities.

Myrick agreed that Ithaca is more expensive, but said the median income in city is $29,000 a year and police officers start out making $45,000 a year.

Joly said that the PBA is also concerned that a residency requirement would make it impossible for officers to separate their work lives from their personal lives.

“People call the police when they have exhausted all options and a situation has gotten out of their control,” Joly wrote. “This almost always involves conflict of some level. If the officers live in the City, they and their family now becomes an easy target for retaliation.”

Myrick responded to the PBA’s criticism, saying a residency requirement would strengthen the connection between the community and police force.

He also said that public servants should be willing to sacrifice the ability to separate different aspects of their lives.

“I can say that any public servant has a hard time separating their work from their personal life,” he said. “As

somebody who works both for the taxpayers of Ithaca and lives inside the city, I know that better than anyone.”

Myrick also noted that the residency requirement would only be for incoming officers, not those already serving on the force. Myrick did acknowledge Joly’s concern that living in Ithaca is more expensive than living in surrounding towns, but said police officers are paid well enough to make it financially feasible for them to live in the city.

There has been an effort to compromise on the city residency requirement. On Wednesday Sept. 17, the Ithaca Voice reported John Barber, the IPD chief, brought forward a counter-proposal to Myrick’s residency requirement plan. Barber suggested that instead of making incoming officers live in Ithaca indefinitely, officers be required to live in Ithaca for three years, after which they would only be mandated to live in-county.

Myrick said he is willing to consider Barber’s suggestion, but still believes a city residence requirement is best for Ithaca.

Increase in police staffing

Another part of Myrick’s initiative that has generated noise is his plan to raise staffing at the IPD from 60 to 66, representing a 10 percent increase. Myrick said this will better enable the police department to respond to problems in the community.

However, Joly wrote the notion that the Mayor is increasing police staffing by 10 percent is misleading.

He said on Facebook, since 2011, the size of the police force has decreased by over 13 percent, noting that in 2010 the IPD had 69 police officers, and by the end of 2012 they had 60, due to retirements and resignations. Joly said the mayor and City Council voted to remove those nine positions from the 2013 budget, despite opposition by the PBA. Joly said replacing six out of the nine positions originally cut does not constitute increased staffing because the department is still below its personnel level of a couple years ago.

Common ground

Despite sharp differences on certain parts of Myrick’s plan, the mayor and the PBA were able to find some common ground. In his statement, Joly wrote that Myrick’s idea of having body cameras on officers and cars is something worth exploring. However, he also said he is not sure there is sufficient staffing for the department to have the capacity to review tape taken from the cameras.

Myrick said he believes police officers with body cameras will improve community-police relations.

“I think there is lots of evidence that the cameras have a civilizing effect,” he said. “The police departments that have started using body cameras, the number of complaints about police went way down and the number of incidents of abuse of police went way down.”

He also noted that guilty convictions of criminals went up due to there being evidence of their crimes.

In his statement, Joly also acknowledged the merits of other parts of the Mayor’s plan including having a community action team and opening a district on the West End.

Community response

In addition to the PBA, Myrick’s proposal has also been questioned by a fraction of the Ithaca community that believes the plan was formulated without enough of their input. A demonstration on Sept. 3 outside of City Hall reflected some of the community’s displeasure with the plan.

Patricia Rodriguez, an associate politics professor at Ithaca College, attended the demonstration. She said

there were about 150 to 200 people there and some participants in the demonstration were able speak for the movement when the Common Council meeting began in City Hall.

Rodriguez said some in the community, herself included, feel the mayor’s plan didn’t go far enough in addressing police power.

“It doesn’t guarantee that there’s going to be accountability by the officers, even the whole issue with the cameras,” she said, pointing out that officers could turn off the cameras and say they didn’t function correctly.

Rodriguez cited a dismantling of military-style SWAT police equipment and increased community-led solutions to policing problems as another area where she believes the Mayor’s plan is weak.

“I think there needs to be a conversation that happens in which the community’s input is much more embedded in the dialogue about solutions,” she said.

Lynne Jackier, a member of the Ithaca community, said she had a mixed reaction to the Mayor’s plan.

She said although Myrick deserves some credit for taking steps to address the problem of policing in Ithaca, she wishes the mayor’s plan went farther in “community-based policing.”

Jackier said community-based policing involves police officers being partners with the community they police and getting to know it, hopefully allowing the police to be more empathetic with people in the community and vice versa.

Myrick responded to some of the criticism from the community, saying he offered to meet with those who wanted to discuss the plan, and that

some community members have taken him up on that.

“Any good ideas that come from that, I’m very willing to fold in,” he said.

Common council and the timeline of the plan Cynthia Brock, first ward on the Ithaca Common Council, said council members reactions to the mayor’s plan were also mixed. The council reviewed the plan — specifically the residency requirement portion — on Sept. 17.

Brock said that at least two council members seemed reluctant to support the plan, while two support it. Brock said she still needs time to review the proposal; she wants the new police plan to last long-term and thinks the council should thoroughly review all aspects of the mayor’s proposal.

The process of reviewing and voting on the mayor’s plan will take place over the next couple of months, although there is some disparity between Brock and the mayor’s office over what parts of the plan will require council approval, she said.

Myrick said he expects only the residency requirement to need Common Council approval, and expects most of the other parts of the plan to be ready by Jan. 1. But Brock said any part of the plan that has legislative and financial aspects would presumably need to be approved by the council. In addition to the residency requirement, she cited cameras worn by officers, an office on the west end and any increase in police staffing as parts that would likely require council approval. ___________________________________

News & Views

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FYRE Diversity Speaker Misses Mark

Lightheated atmosphere takes away from serious issues Michele Hau, Contributing Writer

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remember the first time I went to a “diversity” assembly at school; the speaker talked about masks and how everyone sometimes hides behind one because of others. I was in 7th grade, and even then, words like “acceptance” and “appreciation” were thrown around like candy. To this day I’m not really sure what celebrating “diversity” means. I get it, we’re all different and everyone has the right to flaunt what they have. However, am I supposed to throw my hands in the air and celebrate that racism exists and the world is a horrible place?

Now that I’m older and more perceptive of the world around me, I have to admit that I was not moved by the First Year Residential Experience di-

history” as a way to illustrate the struggle of black Americans on college campuses seems a bit extreme to me.

But it begs the question as to why we need to be put through such exaggerated situations to empathise with our peers in the first place.

The bottom line is, sugar-coating racism and discrimination so that it is more palatable and understandable for others who do not have to deal with it on a daily basis is egregious, if not offensive, to those who are forced to live with the consequences of intolerance and prejudice.

No matter how you look at it, oversimplifying people’s troubles does not do anyone any good; it perpetuates negative stereotypes, gives people a false sense of understanding and, most of all, silences the voices of those that need to be heard. We need to recognize that everybody deserves human dignity, and we need to choose not to engage in the same identity politics that have been fragmenting our society for years.

Cullen adamantly believes in the philosophy that being accommodating and overtly celebrating the differences of others can serve as a solution for intolerance and prejudice. However that ideology, is questionably ineffective.

Complex problems can only be solved with complex solutions. Gender bias, transphobia, racism and wealth inequality are not issues that will go away simply because we acknowledge they exist.

How many people celebrate Black History Month? Asian-Pacific American Heritage Month? Domestic Violence Awareness Month? Have these “cultural holidays” contributed to the disintegration of preconceived notions about each respective marginalized group?

While considerate and accommodating, such celebrations of diversity fall short of eliminating prejudice and narrow-mindedness because if they did work, there wouldn’t be a need for diversity speakers.

People are more than the binaries they represent, and generalizing them for the sake of illustrating the concept of equality as Cullen did, should not be acceptable.

BUZZSAW: The Edible Issue

versity speaker Maura Cullen. While much of the rhetoric of the lecture was supplemented with interactive activities and magic tricks creating a lighthearted atmosphere, I couldn’t help but feel that having fun overshadowed the seriousness and importance of talking about race and discrimination candidly.

She wasn’t serious enough? I mean, prejudice matters and the way that we approach talking about prejudice affects how we deal with it. People are more than the binaries they represent, and generalizing them for the sake of illustrating the concept of equality as Cullen did, should not be acceptable. Imagining that you are the only white person in a predominately black school who is taking classes in “white

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And so the question we all need to ask ourselves now is: Can we reach equality through acknowledgement or is there something else missing?

Today, obvious, overt racism and bias has evolved to latent insensitivity, making it harder to recognize and dissect prejudice all together. Hence, the need to have serious conversations about the world around us is not only important but also necessary.

Saying that a person only got accepted into a university because of the color of his skin or the fact that she is attracted to girls is not stupidity or ignorance. It is based more on hostility and malice — instead of being based on character, intellect and personality — because of what we have been socialized to believe and then internalized to be true.

Today we are so afraid to cause offense or pain when stereotypical ideas come to mind that we keep these thoughts hidden, instead of taking action against them. The tension that comes from minority/majority relations is largely due to miscommunication and creating unnecessary barriers that inhibit connection.

Therefore, we need to have authentic discussion about what problems people are facing and what society can do to help, rather than an end-all-beall assembly about masks and mindfulness, with a corny sprinkling of magic tricks and short-sighted jokes. ____________________________________ Michele Hau is a freshman culture and communication major who isn’t afraid to speak her mind. Email her at mhau@ithaca.edu.

Ukrainian-Russian Conflict

Looking at the roots of the issues Jacob Ryan, Staff Writer

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eastern Ukraine. The rebels continue to receive support from Russia through the form of surface-toair missiles, 1,200 troops and even tanks. Putin has continued to deny involvement in the military conflict, claiming that all Russian citizens fighting in Ukraine are simply “retirees” or “on vacation.” Putin likely hopes to support rebel efforts, while avoiding all out war with NATO. Zenon Wasyliw, professor of history at Ithaca College and an expert on Russian History, said, “[Putin] has developed this cult of leadership.” He added, “[Putin] really turned to extreme Russian nationalism to cover up any problems that might be there.”

The use of strong nationalism goes hand in hand with Putin’s proposed authority for the annexation of Crimea. It is Putin’s claim that the Russian military was involved in order to protect ethnic Russians.

Wasyliw said that Putin’s claim is “not legitimate because you don’t have to speak Ukrainian to be a Ukrainian citizen.”

“I have contacts with Ukrainian citizens of Russian background and they’re very much in support of a Ukrainian government,” he said.

Dominique Arel, chair for the department of Ukrainian studies at Ottawa University, claimed, “Ukrainians have made a conscious decision to move away from their traditionally close ties with Russia, and this scares Putin.”

Wasyliw explained there is the potential for Putin to continue down the warpath. “Russian nationalism is a good cover for economic problems… as long as he can distract the population [he will continue],” he said.

Arel also stated Ukraine’s historical ties with Russia have often lead to political leaders who rely on Russian trade for a majority of international trade. When Yanukovych’s corruption was exposed, the Ukrainian people decided they desired a change from their current leadership, and consequently move away from Russia.

Media coverage of the crisis has varied considerably from both sides.

The West has painted Putin as the next Hitler with headlines like Fox

News’ “Could Ukraine crisis bring nuclear standoff to Europe?” and the UN’s “weak” response as appeasement. Putin has deployed his welldeveloped cultural management machine to spin Russian media in favor of military involvement. Independent Russian media outlets that oppose Russia’s role in the Ukraine crisis, are being forcibly shut down by Putin’s administration.

“Independent Russian media is being shut down,” Wasyliw said. “The information to the Russian population is really very much inflated.”

Arel echoed this sentiment. “While Western media may have their biases, it is Putin that is censoring the media distributed to his people,” Arel said.

Putin’s policies are a call back to the leadership of communist Russia.

He is seizing power through cultural sculpting and reinforced nationalism. However, unlike in the past, dictatorial tactics are being put to the test via the internet. The interconnectedness of the globe permeates even the most formidable firewalls.

Putin’s propaganda machine will be tried when Russian citizens are exposed to dissenting opinions from foreign media.

According to a recent report by the UN, Putin is only now removing troops from Eastern Ukraine, to take a less direct approach to continued Russian involvement in Ukraine. ____________________________________ Jacob Ryan is a junior history major who isn’t ready for the Cold War II. Email him at jryan3@ithaca.edu.

News & Views

t least 70 people are dying every day, according to a report released in August by the United Nations Office of the High Commission for Human Rights, as a result of the conflict in Ukraine. The crisis, and all the deaths that accompany it, comes as a reaction by Russian President Vladimir Putin, and what he perceives as not only a threat to Russian regional authority, but also his authority as Russia’s leader.

Scars of this ancient divide between communists and capitalists have survived even the collapse of the Soviet Union. According to an article by Max Fisher on Vox.com called “What is the Ukraine Crisis?Everything You Need to Know about the Ukraine Crisis,” Ukrainian politics of the last half-century have centered on their relationship with Russia. Ukraine has gradually begun a slow shift away from its historically strong ties with its former controlling country. Russia is no longer the sole regional authority, while western European influence expands. Political leaders have, as a result, been tasked with deciding between an old partner in Russia and a new opportunity in the European Union, according to the article.

In 2013, former Ukrainian president Viktor Yanukovych rejected a deal presented to him for increased economic ties between Ukraine and the EU, Fisher said. Yanukovych’s decision to choose Russia over the EU sparked protests in the capital of Ukraine. Yanukovych responded with violence against protesters. Fisher claimed that pro-European citizens chose to rally behind the death of the peaceful protestors, and start a revolution. Their efforts proved fruitful when president Yanukovych was removed from power in February.

Putin saw the removal of Yanukovych as a direct threat to Russia’s regional security and supremacy, claimed Fisher. In response, a report released by the UN revealed that Putin deployed covert units to incite rebellion in the Ukrainian region of Crimea.

Since Russia’s annexation of Crimea, civil war has persisted in

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Another Day in the Dog House Life as a carhop in (way) Upstate New York Maddison Murnane, Contributing Writer

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BUZZSAW: The Edible Issue

ime: 10:38 a.m., destination: work. I had calculated in my head time and time again that it takes exactly seven minutes for me to get to work on time, that is if I don’t forget my shoes (which I almost always do). I drive toward the “doghouse.” This is no literal dog house, instead it is a grease shack filled with hot dogs, hamburgers and various other fried things.

I work at McSweeney’s Red Hots in Plattsburgh, New York. The restaurant was founded by two local brothers looking to make “michigans.”

If you aren’t from way way Upstate New York, then you’ve probably never heard of such a delightful treat. A michigan is a steamed bun topped with a steamed hot dog and meat sauce. The michigan can come either with or without onions, or as us North Country folk call them “wit.” Many shake their heads when they hear of this high calorie entree, but I find them heavenly.

A carhop’s life consists of cleaning bathrooms, mopping, sweeping, bus-

various colored shirts adorning the “McSweeney’s” logo. This sounds as though it would be comfortable, which it is. The uncomfortableness of the outfit comes from the words on the back of the shirt, “One nation under God indivisible with liberty and justice for all.” Not that I am unloyal to the land of bald eagle, but I find it to be a little overbearing considering we attract international customers, as well. If that isn’t enough patriotism for you, there is a mini constitution booklet at every table for leisurely reading!

However, this sort of marketing does seem to work in our favor. The majority of customers that we attract are elderly couples that order the same thing everyday. Sometimes, the cooks even begin making their order when we see their car pull into the lot.

If all of this doesn’t sound like enough fun, the fair experience is a whole different side to the job. As an employee of McSweeney’s you are required to work fair week each summer. As one of the youngsters of the crew, I was naturally scheduled there daily.

When the dreaded week comes along, instead of finding shelter in my little restaurant, I drive to the fair. I park my “black beauty” Suzuki in the farthest parking lot physically possible.

Next I approach the little McSweeney’s fair shack.

From outside, you would assume it was an outhouse painted white and hunter green. I am then ordered to lift the latches and boards covering the windows. Being my clumsy self, I am unable to do this without cutting my finger (thank you purse band aids).

After this fiasco, I wait anxiously for the magic to happen. When I say “magic” I mean waiting for the first carnie with three teeth and no money to approach. After giving me their sassiest attitude, they neglect to tip me and then complain about their order. But the customer is always right

The uncomfortableness of the outfit comes from the words on the back of the shirt, “One nation under God indivisible with liberty and justice for all.” sing tables, refilling ketchup bottles and even running out to cars. No, we don’t get to wear roller blades like the people at Sonic. We brave all sorts of weather from snow to hail to sassy old ladies. You know, kind of like Betty White. But the sassy ladies aren’t the worst, the biker gangs from Montreal have them beat. They never neglect to ask if we have beer when they already know the answer is no.

Each day I dress in a uniform consisting of khaki pants/shorts and

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... Sound like fun yet?

The highly anticipated Thursday of fair week is a completely new experience. Thursday brings about another perk of the fair, the infamous McSweeney’s Michigan Eating Contest.

During the contest I transported bins of about 20 michigans to the gazebo where the contest took place. There, about 25 people ranging from age 18 to 50 indulge in michigans. Contestants are given 10 minutes to eat as many meat covered hot dogs as possible. I was lucky enough to not witness any puking this year. The esteemed champion not only wins all of that free food, they also win $100 dollars.

I know that this sounds appealing, but I promise most people regret that thought once they witness it. This year’s winner only downed nine dogs compared to last year’s 15.

Although it sounds like everything that occurs at the fair is heinous, seeing a familiar face or a smiling child always brightens my day and makes the shift pass by quickly. Once the fair is over, it’s back to civilization.

After all of that criticism, it seems as though I hate my job. Which some days might be true, but who wouldn’t want to hang out with a carnie? ________________________________ Maddison Murnane is a freshman journalism major who knows her way around a carousel. You can email her at mmurnane@ithaca.edu.

Behind the Four Star Plate of Food The madness of back-of-the-house work Jonathon Gould, Contributing Writer

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small tip and bad Yelp review to the untimely death of someone allergic to onions.

At all points during a shift, it is considered an “all hands on deck” job. There is no such thing as a task not being in your job description. As long as you have the training, you are expected to do any task at hand. A popular saying is, “If you have time to lean, you have time to clean.” I have seen servers work the fryer, chefs run food to tables and the manager cook food.

After service ends at 10 or 10:30 p.m., we continue fulfilling the remaining orders on the board, and there is another two to three hours of breakdown, clean up and night prep for tomorrow. I may leave work anytime between 11:30 p.m. and 1 a.m., depending on the day.

And then I wake up the next day and do it all again. My friends question my sanity each night and every morning, but I love the work. My coworkers, who I spend a majority of my time with, are excellent people and professionals.

Even on nights where stress is high, when I’ve personally fucked something up and we have a “customer from hell,” I know that as soon as service ends and the last dish leaves the window, everything will be all right.

We laugh and joke and drink as we clean. We bitch and moan about the hours with smiles on our faces. My sous-chef, Alex, talks smack and gives me shit, but when I talk back I get a louder laugh from Head Chef Ivan.

We have running jokes. These are the little things that get us through the week and keep the kitchen running smoothly.

I was exceptionally lucky to work with and under the people I did. With the combined tutelage of chefs Alex, Ivan, and my co-worker Greg the exsushi chef, I was given the opportunity to design a dish. I spent days thinking of it, hours experimenting, all on top of my regular work. At the end of the night I presented my final creation to the chefs. After some overly dramatic

shows of caution, they tasted it. The first and final verdict from these masters of the culinary world, men who had lived and breathed the kitchen, and outclassed my knowledge ten or twentyfold?

“It’s delicious.”

It has so far been the crowning achievement of my culinary career.

Unfortunately, a month after I returned to campus, I found out the restaurant had closed because the building was sold. I know that I’ll be

My friends question my sanity each night and every morning, but I love the work. able to find more work, possibly a better job. But I will never have the same experience as I did at Corazon del Mar, and I can only hope to find an establishment as challenging and with a staff as close-knit. ____________________________________ Jonathon Gould is a sophomore politics major who knows that you doubt his sanity. Email him at jgould3@ithaca.edu.

News & Views

am a masochist. My boss is a masochist. My manager, my coworkers, and the owner of the business are all masochists. I’ve served Drew Barrymore. Twice.

I don’t work in some twisted sex dungeon. No, I work in the kitchen of a four star restaurant. Most people cite college as among their best memories at this point in life, but I cite work. I get be around talented and passionate people, outstanding food and demanding work.

Plain and simple, it takes a somewhat masochistic personality to work back-of-the-house jobs. I only have two seasons (about six months) of experience, but I regularly work 10-ormore-hour shifts a day, six days a week. I wake up at noon, carry out my “morning” routine and get to work at 2 p.m. or earlier.

As soon as I walk through the door, I clock in and set up my prep station: knives, cutting boards, containers, towels, sharpie marker. Then, I work on my prep list, which usually includes skinning and cleaning two or three fluke, 10 pounds of tuna tail and half of a sea bass; blanching shrimp and calamari; dicing/chopping/slicing vegetables; frying taco and tostada shells; making churros; mixing one or more sauces; setting up my workstation; and making part of the staff meal. All of this needs to be completed by opening at 5:30 p.m., a total of three and half hours with a 15-minute break for dinner.

Then service begins, which lasts five hours, and my station can pump out 50 or more dishes. During the height of the season, our four-person line serves about 150 to 200 people per night. Every dish has to be made at a certain time to ensure the table receives their whole course at once and in a timely manner. To facilitate this, there is an “expediter” who tells us what to fire and when to fire it, reminds us of custom orders and organizes our tickets. They are the general to us, the soldiers. Most of the time they are the guiding light to the chaos of service, directing servers and cooks alike, but when mistakes are made they are also the first to snap. Failure on their part could mean anything from a disgruntled customer leaving a

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(Lack of) Equality in the Journalism Industry Unfair prospects after graduation Taylor Barker, News & Views Editor

BUZZSAW: The Edible Issue

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was called intimidating two times in the last three weeks by two of my male peers. Coming two weeks after I attended a Women in Media panel at the Excellence in Journalism Conference in Nashville, Tennessee, that exposed me to the true gender inequality that still exists in the journalism industry. The panelists informed me that attaining a leadership role at any publication will not be an easy road, and I can expect to face many obstacles along the way. It is too often that men are promoted based on potential and women are promoted based on their work.

So far in my journalism career I have been fortunate. I attained an executive board position my first semester at Ithaca College for the Society of Professional Journalists and a year later was named editor for this publication. In both organizations, women dominate the leadership roles, and women are the majority of students in the journalism department at Ithaca College.

Again, the panelists brought me back down to reality. In the real world, men dominate the industry, regardless of what your college newsroom looks like. How is it possible that more women are going to school for journalism, being leaders in school, yet not reaching those same heights in the industry?

The root of the problem spans much further than just the media industry.

Gender inequality seeps into most, if not all facets of life. For no logical reason, men earn higher salaries than women who perform the same work. According to a report by the Center for American Progress, women make 77 percent of what men make and the median pay gap is $10,784 as of 2010. Women struggle to reach the same managerial roles that men reach. Women are sexualized and objectified in all media because they can be and some people don’t seem to see a problem with that. Some people still think women’s primary role should be in the home.

How is it that women’s confidence comes off intimidating and abrasive, while men’s confidence comes off empowering and positive? I am confident in my work, I have strong opinions

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The root of the problem spans much further than just the media industry.

Gender inequality seeps into most, if not all facets of life.

and hold people accountable, and yet somehow that led two of my peers to label me intimidating.

These comments have just confirmed everything the media panelists expressed; my personality in the newsroom could potentially turn people off and hurt my career.

Jill Abramson was fired as the executive editor of the New York Times, supposedly due to her managerial style. She was a confident women in charge of one of the most important publications in the world. Her confidence never should have been seen as a negative. Confidence has the potential to push people past their limits and attain success.

In an article on NYmag.com, Abramson’s salary was compared to her predecessor Bill Keller’s salary.

When Abramson became the executive editor her salary was $475,000, then raised to $503,000, and only after she protested, raised to $525,000.

When Keller finished as executive director his salary was $559,000.

Publisher Arthur Sulzberger Jr. did release information that Abramson’s full compensation was more than Keller’s compensation, but due to the economy, pension packages can fluctuate from year to year. Why was no reason given as to why the base salaries weren’t comparable?

According to an article in Time by Sheila Weller, in March 2010, three out of the six top news anchors spots were filled by women, and in 2005 none of those spots were filled by women. In 2010, Katie Couric left CBS Evening News and Christiane Amanpour was dismissed from ABC’s This Week in 2011. And now, after Diane Sawyer stepped down from ABC World News in August, there are no longer any women in the top anchor spots. This doesn’t mean that the men in these roles are not doing the job well — there aren’t any women anchors that could do the job just as

well or better?

No matter how far gender equality comes by the time I graduate — probably not far in a year — I am not going to change who I am as a person or a journalist because women are supposed to be the softer, calmer sex. I am going to pave my career path as the confident person I have become. Fuck anyone who doesn’t like it. If you earn that promotion before me or get hired in the job you want, it better be because your work proved your skill was above mine, not because I may cause waves because of my opinions and desire to be treated as an equal. __________________________________ __ Taylor Barker is a junior journalism who is sick of your bullshit. You can email her at tbarker1@ithaca.edu.

Upfront

PFRONT. UPFRONT. UPFRON Selected dis-education of the month.

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Eating Behind Bars

The politics of correctional nutrition

Image by Lizzie Cox

Sabrina Leybold, Staff Writer

BUZZSAW: The Edible Issue

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oughly one in every 100 adults in the U.S. is incarcerated. For the 99 percent on the outside, jails and prisons are hidden and enigmatic.

Movies and TV dramas about prison life are popular, showing that people want to know what really goes on behind bars: the alliances, the punishments, and, of course, the food.

Contrary to the common media cliché, prison food is not just bread and water. According to the September menu at the Tompkins County Jail in Ithaca, presented by Melissa Ike, a kitchen employee at the institution, there is a three-week rotation of set meals that add up to a 2,000 calorie daily amount. Breakfasts at the jail include cereal, waffles, milk, juices and fruit. Lunches range from hamburgers with fries to baked chicken with rice. Dinner usually involves a sandwich, soup and dessert. Both lunch and dinner include one serving of fruit and one vegetable. Meals tend to be heavy on bread products, which may have reasons beyond budgetary concerns.

“High calorie, high carb diets keep people lethargic and complacent, and that’s one way to create docility,” Jonathan Laskowitz, associate professor of sociology at Ithaca College who specializing in criminal and juvenile justice studies, said.

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Large diets don’t only make prisoners less volatile, they can also be part of the rehabilitative process for inmates with health concerns due to low socioeconomic status or high drug use, according to Ray Bunce, administrator at the Tompkins County Jail.

“We get all kinds of people here.

Many have an addiction issue and may not be on a good diet,” Bunce said. “Part of what corrections does is health care to get them back on their feet.”

Another form of rehabilitation for inmates in Tompkins County is the jail’s garden, where inmates can grow cucumbers, tomatoes, squash, green beans, peas and herbs.

“The garden program started last year and so far it’s been a success,” Bunce said. “It’s really rewarding to the inmates to see something productive come of their time.”

The fresh crops supplement meals, providing variety and a bit of relief for the jail’s tight food budget. The kitchen’s budget is $168,000 per year, Bunce said. That’s less than $5 daily for each person’s meals, including the guards, who eat the same food as the inmates. The lack of monetary resources leaves hardly any room for food that isn’t processed or bought in bulk.

In the 1990s, restricted budgets also led to some distasteful meals. Charles Sabba, who formerly worked in food service and as a corrections officer at

the Federal Correctional Institution in Fairton, New Jersey, said, “The only bad food that was being served was the leftover Desert Storm rations that the military sent to all the prisons.”

These preservative-filled, canned rations of semi-perishable meats and vegetables were unpalatable. “[The government] didn’t want to waste money and throw it out, so they fed it to the inmates — at least, they tried to,” Sabba said. “The inmates refused to eat that stuff.”

Budgetary concerns aren’t the only reason inmates often end up with innutritious, bland meals.

“There’s a sentiment that inmates shouldn’t have any frills, but your punishment is the time you’re doing, and the lack of freedom and privacy,” Laskowitz said. “There shouldn’t be further punishment by the food.”

The concept of “lesser eligibility” is what drives the notion that prisoners deserve fewer privileges than people on the outside.

“Especially in rural and povertystricken areas, where prisons tend to be located, people are quick to say ‘hold back on them, they did a crime,’” Laskowitz said. “But why not make things better for people on the outside instead of making things worse for people who are incarcerated?”

The quality of prison food is only as high as taxpayers allow it to be.

As voters constantly look for cheaper ways to handle incarcerated populations, the jail’s ability to create a livable environment for inmates goes down.

“How people think about food both in and outside jails shows a lot about a culture,” Laskowitz said. ____________________________________ Sabrina Leybold is a junior speech pathology who’s doing her time with a pen. Email her at sleybol1@ithaca.edu.

Eating Disorders on Campus

Improving the conversation about body image issues Alexo Salvato, Staff Writer

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hree out of 20 women at Ithaca College have had or currently have a diagnosed eating disorder, according to research conducted on Ithaca College’s campus last spring. That puts the college population right in the middle of the average rate: 10 to 20 percent, according to the National Eating Disorders Association’s annual collegiate survey.

Why is this important?

Because eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness, and there is still little official research on the topic.

Kathleen MacDonald, a D.C.based eating disorder expert who lobbies for federal legislation per taining to eating disorders, said this rate hasn’t been comprehensively updated in years.

“One of the problems is that we don’t have current research,” MacDonald said. “And part of why I’m so passionate about the work I do on Capitol Hill is that it will advocate for more research dollars so we can actually study these things rather have this big enigmatic [question of] ‘Is there a problem? Isn’t there a problem?’”

In a survey of 100 people conducted on campus last year: • • •

13 students identified as being diagnosed with an eating disor der.

All 13 of these students were women.

Two of these 13 students were varsity athletes.

ist, so it was part of that mentality.”

Because of this emphasis on per fectionism, people might not notice that a friend or family member has an eating disorder — the person with the disorder often still per forms very well in school and other activities.

However, Caroline*, who is recovering from anorexia, said her disorder can still cause struggles in school.

“Now, it’s sometimes hard because how do you explain to the teacher, ‘I didn’t do the homework last night because I was having a mental breakdown?’” she said.

How can the college better address these issues?

Survey respondents recommended increasing the visibility of our counseling services, providing trigger warnings for discussion of body image and eating disorders in classes, and having more residence hall programs on eating disorders.

The results of the spring survey were shared with Ithaca College’s Hammond Health Center in May 2014 and the director said she would include information about campus services for those living with or affected by eating disorders in her freshman seminar presentations. *Names have been changed to protect the identities of sources.

Campus research was conducted by the writer in April 2014. __________________________________ Alexa Salvato is a sophomore journalism major. Email her at asalvat1@ithaca.edu.

Upfront

These three data points reveal many things. Part of what it’s missing is data about men. There’s a common misperception that eating disorders only affect women.

However, the NEDA reports 4 to 10 percent of collegiate men also suffer from eating disorders. In a 1995 study published in The American Journal of Psychiatry, it was revealed that men were far less likely to seek help for eating disorders, which could contribute to eating disorders being stigmatized as a “women’s issue.”

Meanwhile, feedback from athletes on this campus coincided with previous research published in the International Journal of Sport Nutrition and Exercise: athletes in aesthetic sports — those that emphasize appearance, such as diving or gymnastics — more frequently struggle with eating disorders than other athletes.

Bridget*, a freshman at the college, said she has had issues with purging and binge eating since seventh grade, but never sought treatment or met official bulimia nervosa criteria. Although she no longer purges, she said the thoughts of her disordered mind persist. She said participating in a dance company for nine years contributed to her image-fueled mentality.

“Some of the girls in dance had similar issues to mine,” Bridget said. “It was also harder because I was one of the bigger girls in the company and so that kind of added a little more pressure with being onstage.”

However, some respondents said they were helped by participation on their athletic team.

One varsity student athlete who responded to the survey said she had been diagnosed with anorexia and she never felt pressured to lose weight because of being on her team, and that her team was usually created a supportive environment.

“I love my team, and they’re helping me get through this, including my coach,” she said.

However, athletic participation or exercise can also negatively affect those struggling with an eating disorder.

Abbie*, a junior at the college who is recovering from EDNOS (Eating disorder not otherwise specified), said she avoided eating normally her freshman year by compulsively studying and exercising instead. “[My disorder] didn’t affect academics very much because I mostly just focused on those and tried to get really good grades, and I just avoided eating,” Abbie said. “I didn’t really consider it an eating disorder because I’m a perfection-

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Controlled Chaos

Living with an eating disorder Gillian Wenzel, Staff Writer

BUZZSAW: The Edible Issue

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You are what you eat.”

I wanted to be everything and then nothing, so I ate accordingly for three years of my life. As a 16-year-old, I was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome. My world turned upside-down. PCOS is an endocrine disorder, and it allowed me to tell myself that I wasn’t woman enough, and because my body was pre-diabetic due to hormonal imbalances, I didn’t deserve to nourish myself. And so began the patterns that defined my relationship with food for three years.

Sixteen, feeling inadequate in the depths of my womanhood, surrounded by parents worried about insulin resistance, and bombarded by media that linked food to my own self worth, sexiness and joy. My fall into unconscious bulimia was quick, stealthy and all-consuming. Chocolate, snacks and other food disappeared from the kitchen cabinets; I would sit in the purge and watch my body reject the messages on Dove candy wrappers that I had tried to feed myself. I knew I was emotionally eating, I did not believe that I had a problem or that I was living with an eating disorder.

“My medications” were upsetting my stomach, so the process of throwing up wasn’t “unhealthy” because I never forced it to happen.

At 5 feet 7 inches and 160 pounds, I didn’t look like someone with an eating disorder. An athlete, a traveler, a student at the top of my class, I approached life with a sense of precision and achievement. Dealing with an issue bigger than my stomach didn’t fit in the life I had made for the display case. I grew up at my family’s epicurean table, and being “the perfect daughter,” I did a great job at hiding the anxiety I felt.

But the opposite of control is chaos.

When I tried to let go of my sense of perfection and athleticism, I reached almost 200 pounds. But with shame as my witness, I decided to stop feeding the sadness, and instead, met it with deprivation and exertion. I was a diet queen counting calories less than 1,000 each day for six months.

My food journal was impeccable, my jeans were size six, and I wasn’t binge eating, because starving myself was the new source of pride. My parents

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were worried because I weighed all my food before even licking a finger, but they were happy I wasn’t on the brink of a type 2 diabetes death wish.

I wanted to feel as good as my gym selfies portrayed me to be.

The control-masked-as-discipline broke down into chaos, masked as “experiencing college life.” Who knows how long this cycle of self-hate could have gone if I hadn’t one day been asked what my relationship with food was like. I disclosed my stomachaches, my failed food journals and my gym activity. While I spoke, I didn’t even mention food. The friend who had asked the question was taken aback and replied by apologizing; she hadn’t realized I was living with an eating disorder. And the truth is, neither did I. Somewhere down the line, food had ceased to be a source of nourishment — it had become my poison, my drug of choice, my salvation and my sin. With this realization, I started my road to recovery.

That was in March. I sought help. I cried with my family. I let go of some friendships that weren’t working anymore and held onto the ones that helped me feel whole. Most importantly, I began a process to change my relationship with both myself and with food that I eat. I found yoga, hiking and my old athletic outlets to be a great balance with intuitive eating.

Intuitive eating is exactly what it sounds like. I listen to my body to tell me when and what to eat. Some days I want a big kale salad. Other days I crave nothing but pizza and cheese puffs. But learning how to read my own body has been the greatest way for me to make peace and let go of the shame that shackled me to a certain image and stigma for much of my youth. My journey to robust selflove is nowhere near over, but my war with the food on my plate finally is. ____________________________________ Gillian Wenzel is a sophomore integrated marketing communication major. Email her at gwenzel1@ithaca. edu.

Resources for those affected by Eating Disorders Compiled by Jessica Corbett

Counseling and Psychological Services at Ithaca College To make an appointment at CAPS, call 607274-3136 or go to the office located on the lower level of the Hammond Health Center.

It is open from 8:30 a.m. to 5 p.m. Monday through Friday. CAPS offers Same Day Crisis Services for urgent concerns.

Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders Support Group ANAD meets each Thursday 7 to 8 p.m. at 614 West State Street, in Ithaca, to discuss eating disorders and food addiction. The group can be reached by phone at 607-272-2292 ext. 232 or by email at IthacaANAD@hotmail.com.

Cornell Cooperative Extension Center Family Education/Support Group This group was created for family members and friends of those living with eating disorders. The group meets the third Wednesday of each month at 6:45 p.m. at the Cornell Cooperative Extension Center at 615 Willow Ave., in Ithaca. For more information, call 607-272-6750.

The Mental Health Association in Tompkins County The association’s website, mhaedu.org, includes a searchable database for local support groups and mental health experts.

The MHATC can be reached by phone at 607-273-9250.

National Eating Disorders Association Helpline NEDA is a U.S. based nonprofit for those affected by eating disorders. Its toll-free, confidential helpline can be reached at 1-800-931-2237. Volunteers are on call Monday through Thursday 9 a.m. to 9 p.m. and Friday 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.

The Skinny Equals Pretty Myth A journey to find individual beauty Courtney Ravelo, Staff Writer

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I was sitting in health class one day junior year and we were reading about eating disorders. I was frustrated because it reminded me of how screwed up I was. Then, I read something that changed my whole perspective: BingeEating Disorder. I started reading further into it and realized that was exactly what I was going through, yet I didn’t know about it because it isn’t a popular eating disorder. I was so relieved that I could classify my eating habits into a category, and I didn’t feel alone anymore.

But even with this knowledge, I still couldn’t change my eating habits. It wasn’t until I almost fainted in school from not eating that I decided to get help. I confided in one of my friends, and she helped me get better. I probably should have seen a therapist, but in any case I no longer have that disorder. I started exercising every day and going on mile-long runs to get in shape. I would eat fruit for breakfast, salad for lunch and something protein-filled for an early dinner. I drank a lot of water and milk. I instantly started feeling healthier and more in control, and although it was hard to kick, it became so much easier once I had a friend supporting me, eating lunch with me, and making sure I was exercising and eating regularly and healthily.

I am at a healthy weight today and feel more comfortable with how I look. I still work out every day and eat at normal times. It was definitely a journey that made high school more stressful than it had to be, but nonetheless a journey I unfortunately had to go through to grasp what real beauty is and learn to be comfortable in my own skin, curves and all. ____________________________________ Courtney Ravelo is a freshman writing and French double major. Email her at cravelo@ithaca.edu.

Upfront

started noticing my struggles with food my freshman year of high school. Up until that point, I was blissfully unaware of eating disorders and what it meant to be beautiful in today’s society. Up until high school began, I had a rather good sense of the world; I believed everyone was beautiful, including me. Everyone just looked different. When freshman year started, though, I realized I was a little thicker than most girls. Granted, I’m Cuban and should be proud of my heritage, but I started feeling a little dejected that I wasn’t a size zero, two, four or even six. I was a size eight or 10. I wasn’t fat by any standard, but I was nowhere close to skinny.

These thoughts started creeping into my mind more prevalently throughout freshman year and got worse when I turned 15. Girls started commenting on all of these diets they were on (I had never been on a diet in my life, at that point). I felt like the food struggle was a world entirely unto itself, making girls feel inferior because apparently “skinny equals pretty.”

As much as I don’t believe that now, three years ago I wasn’t convinced. I started to feel ugly and big, making myself into this monster I didn’t want to be. I started to hate my curves and decided to take a stand. One day I just decided that I wasn’t going to eat again until I was skinny, and as much as I wanted to follow that, my willpower did not support me. As soon as my stomach grumbled I caved. I was so upset with myself that I refused to eat again after that, and I went a little longer this time before caving.

This cycle grew worse throughout high school; I would go without eating for days, then gorge myself to make up for starving myself. I would eat so much at once that I would feel nauseous and it was hard to move.

I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. I knew about anorexia, but that wasn’t me. I knew about bulimia, but that wasn’t me either. I figured I was alone in my eating habit — that no one would understand how I could go days without eating and then all of a sudden become an eating machine, just to repeat the same sick cycle all over again. (Plus, I never lost any weight this way).

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Trash to Treasure

Exploring the freegan fight against overconsumption Charlotte Robertson, Contributing Writer

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BUZZSAW: The Edible Issue

low dryers, mini fridges, iPods, safes, shoes. This seemingly random list actually describes items easily found in trash cans and dumpsters around the community — if only people were willing to dig through them.

Molly* and Drew* are students who have taken on the battle of reducing the impact of Ithaca College’s overwhelming overconsumption. At the end of each year, these students scavenge the garbage on campus and in the surrounding area looking for functional items that have been discarded as students move out.

“It’s just sad to see this stuff thrown away,” Drew, a 23-year-old graduate student, said. “There are just piles of things that people don’t want to bring home.”

Molly, a sophomore, was astounded by the amount of excess waste on campus.

“There was just so much stuff, it was practically like dorm shopping … there was just so much trash,” Molly said.

What both students were unaware of was that they are part of a much bigger, international movement commonly called freeganism. Freeganism is a movement supporting alternative consumption practices and, in many cases, anti-capitalist ideology. Practicing freegans attempt not to purchase items, finding ways to obtain goods for free or as part of an exchange while engaging as little as possible in the mainstream economy. Those who adapt to this lifestyle choose to dumpster dive, repurpose, barter, garden and share, rather than spending money, even though many who practice similar ideology to the established movement do not self-identify as freeganists.

The Diggers, a San Francisco-based anarchist theater group, have been widely credited for coining the term in the 1960s. The Diggers named themselves after the English Diggers, a utopian group of agrarian socialists from the 1800s that desired a society without land ownership or commercial exchange.

University of Toledo and Clinton Amos, assistant professor at Hull College of Business, described the freegan mantra in their research paper, The Freegan Phenomenon: anti-consumption or consumer resistance?

“Freegans envision a future based on self-sufficient, sustainable communities,where we obtain vital resources in ways that don’t exploit people, animals, and the earth and share them freely to ensure that everyone’s needs are met,” Pentina and Amos wrote.

This freeganist philosophy is typically created on an individual level, with each practicing member deciding how their lifestyle encompasses the movement’s values. Some freegans may not incorporate dumpster diving into their daily lives, but instead maintain their own garden. Some freeganists are also more politically motivated than others.

“Public interest towards illegal trespassing and taboo-defying ‘garbage eating’ is especially strong when these activities are performed for reasons other than dire poverty,” Pentina and Amos wrote.

Despite the public perception of dumpster diving as a radical act, many who take part in trash picking may see it as a way to counter the increasing global waste problem.

The average person in the U.S. generates 4.3 pounds of waste per day, according to Duke University’s Center for Sustainability & Commerce. That equates to 220 million tons of waste per year, with 55 percent of that waste sent to one of more than 3,500 landfills.

U.S. consumption statistics are growing at a staggering rate, yet efforts by members of the freegan movement to decrease that waste are greatly hindered by law enforcement and public perceptions.

For example, dumpster divers often run into legal trouble throughout much of the U.S. Although dumpster

diving may not be expressly prohibited by law, the practice often conflicts with trespassing or invasion of privacy laws.

The general consensus is that dumpster diving on private property is illegal; this includes academic campuses.

“At the end of the year at towers there’s usually 20-foot dumpster bins and officers will drive by and tell you to get out of them,” Drew said.

Dumpster diving remains illegal on other forms of private property, including grocery stores, despite an estimation by the USDA that $15 billion worth of fruits and vegetables are tossed out each year by supermarkets.

Drew said some of the best places to dumpster dive are grocery stores that throw out items the night they surpass their “to be sold by” date. Some grocery stores, however, compress their garbage or lock their garbage disposal facilities.

There’s no easy fix to the environmental and socio-economic repercussions of overconsumption, but subcultures and social movements like freeganism are working to reduce consumerism.

“I’ve seen what people have thrown out and what is in the trash,” Drew said. “Often what I would already buy is already in the garbage. You learn so much about people and culture by looking at what is thrown out. It shows what is valued by society.” *Names have been changed to protect the identities of sources. ____________________________________ Charlotte Robertson is a freshman integrated markeing communication major with one eye on your neighborhood dumpster. Email her at crobertson@ ithaca.edu.

Iryna Pentina, professor of marketing and international business at the

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Image by Kelly Twardziak

The Right to Eat

Inequality limits access to healthy food Natalie Shanklin, Contributing Writer

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banks, while commercial and financial banks are bailed out by governments,” Caraher said. “As a result, the rich are protected while the poor are driven to food banks.”

The economic crisis has led to the expansion of the “working poor,” or people who are employed, but their income is below the cost of living. Today, the working poor must resort to food banks or government programs to fulfill their food needs. However, working poor families can’t always afford three meals per day. In the state of Arizona alone, it would take nearly a billion dollars to provide them with meals they currently miss, according to recent data from Association of Arizona Food Banks.

“A key problem is the way in which the poor are stigmatized, with differentiations between the deserving and undeserving poor,” Caraher said. “In public health terms, the argument is that increasing riches in a society results in increasing inequality, and that to address this you need to redistribute wealth.”

Caraher also said: “The move away from access to food as a citizen’s right to one of charity and philanthropy is a common trend in advanced liberal economic societies. But what this does is depoliticize the situation, and it allows the government to say things are being done and withdraw from services.”

A commonly proposed solution to this overarching problem of foodonomics is eating locally.

Canadian blogger Kevin Kossowan documents his experiences obtaining local food in a web series. He claims in his blog to spend $400 per month for a family of five with three young children, which breaks down to less than $1 per meal, per person. His family’s food budget is $2.66 per day, or only about $80 per person each month. Additionally, all of the food is either grown or butchered locally, sometimes even personally, according to his blog.

Kossowan said in a blog entry entitled, “My Food-onomics,” despite common perception, obtaining food

locally is not too time-consuming and is highly cost-effective.

Some believe, given resources such as government assistance programs and food banks, it is feasible for those living below the poverty line to be able to afford to sustain themselves.

However, Caraher argues the opposite, and said solutions like this one depoliticize the situation in favor of individual or community action and exclude the poor who need resources of capital assets.

“This is not a solution to the bigger problem,” Caraher said. “Clearly, initiatives like this have a place. This might be more in terms of making people politically aware of the situation and providing a voice to the disadvantaged and excluded. But there is a danger in proposing these as solutions.”

Instead, Caraher offers suggestions for the issue such as being politically active by forming movements like food policy councils.

On a national level, he proposes linking the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP) and the Special Supplemental Nutrition Program for Women, Infants and Children (WIC) initiatives to local or regional food supplies, setting targets to lower the amount of people obtaining food aid and changing the perception of food banks to be an indicator of failure of the system, not success.

“We need to give power to local planning to be interventionist around food,” Caraher said. “Let’s locate the debate within a citizenship one, and start thinking of food as not a product, but a right.” ____________________________________ Natalie Shanklin is a freshman journalism major who knows that fruit, not money, grows on trees. Email her at nshanklin@ithaca.edu

Upfront

n 2013, 45.3 million Americans lived in poverty and 49.1 million lived in food insecure households, according to Feeding America. A number of studies have demonstrated a direct correlation between socioeconomic status and health. Obesity rates are much higher in low-income communities, and people living below the poverty line are more likely to suffer from numerous diseases and typically experience higher rates of mortality, according to the Organic Consumers Association In other words, food inequality in America is a very real and severe issue, and it demands a solution.

Across the United States, it is common for those living below the poverty line to eat unhealthily, as they typically do not have access to the more expensive, nutritious foods sold in organic markets. Instead, they eat what they can afford.

The underlying issue here, as Martin Caraher, professor of food and health policy at City University London, claims, is that America’s capitalist principles have morphed food into a commercial commodity rather than a natural right.

“It’s a disgrace that this issue exists in advanced industrial societies, and it should not be tolerated,” Caraher said. “It is an issue of rights and respect for people.”

There are three primary roots to this national epidemic, according to Caraher. The first is the rising inequality of the socioeconomic classes of American citizens, which makes food acquisition more difficult for those at lower income levels. Secondly, the nationwide food system excludes some people due to high food prices, low wages and food deserts, or regions where people have no immediate access to grocery stores or farmers markets . Additionally, industry control with little state or federal regulation leaves little room for planning for food at a community level.

“Since 2007, all of this has been driven by the global economic crisis, which has seen the growth of food

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Reducing Restuarant Waste

Ithaca eateries practice sustainabile food disposal

Photo by Jessica Corbett

Elena Haskins, Contributing Writer

BUZZSAW: The Edible Issue

L

ast week Yena Seo, an Ithaca College freshman, was exploring downtown Ithaca. Hoping to get a taste of Ithaca’s open streets, psychedelic hemp shops and ethnic cuisines, Seo wandered down Aurora Street. Cruising by all the local restaurants, she stumbled upon several dumpsters with its contents of paper bags, soda cans and beans spilling out the sides.

Millions of dumpsters all over America resemble a similar trend: day-old chicken soaking in rancid gravy, blueberry yogurt that expired two days prior and the extra carrots that didn’t make it into the stew—all wasted food, never to be used again.

According to a USDA study, 31 percent of food is wasted each year in America. In 2010, 430 billion pounds of food were available to Americans and 133 billion pounds of that were thrown away. While American citizens are huge contributors to food waste, the biggest culprits are restaurants.

In a year, a single restaurant in the United States can produce approximately 25,000 to 75,000 pounds of food waste, according to the Green Restaurant Association. Many restaurants are forced to discard unused food to abide by many health and nutrition laws.

To maintain freshness, restaurants are constantly importing new food every day, while throwing out any-

22

thing leftover or uncooked. Food can be up to half of a restaurant’s waste stream, with larger chains often having less waste because they use more prepackaged foods, according to a University of Arizona study. Another study from the university estimated the total food loss per day was 49,296,540 pounds for full service restaurants and 85,063,390 pounds for fast food restaurants.

Prevention and reduction of food waste is key, according to the United States Environmental Protection Agency. There are many economic and environmental benefits from reducing the amount of food thrown away or even created in the first place.

A program created by the San Francisco’s Solid Waste Management Program devised several restaurant waste reduction tips pertaining to the stages of purchasing merchandise, product handling and storage, food preparation and production, and post service.

Tips include cleaning friers and filters daily, using containers that are already serving sizes and buying coffee beans to grind on site.

Leaving leftover pasta for the rats isn’t the only restaurant food disposal option. More sustainable alternatives include composting and

donating to local farms or food shelters. Laura Branca, a representative of Moosewood, a popular vegetarian restaurant in Ithaca, said Moosewood recycles and composts with Cayuga Compost. Reduce, Reuse, Recycle isn’t just a catchy slogan on bumper stickers. Recycling and reusing is a very easy alternative to the dumpster destination.

Collegetown Bagels uses three waste management options: composting, recycling and sending some waste to the landfill. Marketing director Katherine Banko said waste reduction and being eco-friendly are big priorities. All the cups and silverware are compostable at Collegetown Bagels. Collegetown Bagels also owns Ithaca Bakery, which also practices sustainable food disposal.

The Ithaca Bakery composts food scraps at the Cayuga Compost. Reusable and compostable cutlery and plates are available to customers as well.

“In addition to being a good community citizen, recycling certainly saves us money,” Ramsey Brous, owner of Ithaca Bakery said. “On a different note, composting costs much more than landfilling at present, but we choose to do it anyway.”

Brous also said minimizing food waste is a very important priority for Ithaca Bakery. “This is the key to the very slim profit margin that food businesses strive for,” Brous said. ____________________________________ Elena Haskins is a freshman film, photography & visual art who enjoys hanging out behind local restaurants.

Email her at ehaskins@ithaca.edu.

Hopping on the Diet Bandwagon

The ins and outs of some of America’s most popular food fads Taryn Cordini, Contributing Writer

R

eally, what the hell even is gluten? It seems like wherever we turn there is a new diet trend that claims to be the best and most efficient way to lose weight and maintain a healthy lifestyle. When fit guys in white lab coats with doctoral degrees in health and nutrition are all encouraging alternative ways to eat and lose weight, it has become increasingly hard to determine how to achieve the best results. However, like high-rise shorts or thick-rimmed glasses, some trends are at least worth giving a shot.

Caveman Diets

Why would someone willingly subject themselves to a life where eating is less tasty, more difficult and more expensive than it has to be, if they didn’t seriously need to be glutenfree?

Gluten is a protein present in cereal grains, especially wheat. Those who need to cut it out of their diets do so to prevent damage caused by Celiac Disease, which, according to the Celiac Disease Foundation, is an “autoimmune disorder where the ingestion of gluten leads to damage in the small intestine.”

The disease affects about one in 100 people worldwide, yet in January 2013, a survey done by consumer market research company NPD Group found that gluten-free living appeals to more than 30 percent of the American population. This means most people giving up gluten are not doing so for medical necessity.

The common belief is that cutting gluten out of diets will help people eat better or lose weight. It won’t necessarily do either. According to the healthy lifestyle magazine Prevention, gluten-free products can be “high in calories, fats, and carbohydrates and some people who do go gluten-free actually gain weight.”

Peter Gibson, a professor of gastroenterology at Monash University in Australia, recently led a study that found if you do not suffer from Celiac disease, gluten sensitivity is probably just in your head. These findings confirmed Borkowska’s statement, “This whole carb phobia and staying away from carbs … It’s not actually benefitting people the way they think it is.”

Quinoa

The quinoa seed is a vegetable-like grain native to South America that is known for its significant nutritional value. It is filled with eight essential amino acids and a long list of vitamins such as magnesium, calcium, iron and B12. Additionally, quinoa’s ridiculously low calorie count (which is 172 calories per serving, according to fitday.com) paired with its ability to

quickly satisfy hunger has had people buzzing about this newly Americanized weight-loss secret.

Last January, the quinoa seed received a lot of flak from the media, and from an article in The Guardian in particular. The writer of “Can vegans stomach the unpalatable truth about quinoa?” claimed that since quinoa had gained popularity in the U.S., the seed became too expensive for farmers in South America to afford themselves. However, further investigation from people such as Emma Banks for the Andean Information Network showed that these farmers have actually prospered from the increase in demand.

For those who aren’t on board with the Quinoa craze, there are similar options that are produced on U.S. soil.

“You can eat black rice, you can eat whole grain rice that grows right here in the United States,” Borkowska said. “Or you could eat bulgur wheat; it’s another one nobody eats, but it’s easily available and it’s cheap.”

Fasts and Cleanses

Dangerous diet fads include options such as the “Every-Other-Day Diet” designed by nutritionist Krista Varady, for which dieters eat whatever they want one day, then consume only 500 calories the next.

Irresponsible juice cleanses and fasts that have become popular in Hollywood can also be dangerous. In an interview with NBC, holistic nutritionist Julie Eltman said, “They can really dehydrate you or rob your body of potassium and other electrolytes.”

Exercise-free weight-loss schemes do not result in healthier bodies, according to Borkowska.

“Any fad diet that is not reducing your calories and not increasing your exercise is bogus,” she said. ____________________________________ Taryn Cordani is a freshman integrated marketing communication major who knows how to handle her gluten.

Email her at tcordani@ithaca.edu.

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Upfront

Similar to the more well-known Paleo Diet, the Primal Blueprint is basically a way of living that embodies a return to the human beings’ way of life from over 10,000 years ago.

According to Livestrong.com, the diet consists mainly on high quality sources of protein, colorful (and locally grown) fruits and veggies, and fats found in nuts, avocados, coconut, butter and olive oil.

According to Mike Sisson, creator of the Primal Blueprint, the diet itself throws away the standard FDA food pyramid and claimed the government’s idea of healthy eating is completely wrong. A prime example of this is the fact that in the FDA food pyramid, bread, cereal and rice are supposed to make up the majority of our daily intake. In contrast, such carbs are not present in the primal meal plan.

There are some holes in the design that are not all that primal-y.

“There’s bacon on there; people in Paleolithic times did not eat bacon,” Alison Borkowska, nutritional science professor at Penn State University, said. If people want to really eat like a caveman, “they should go outside kill a squirrel in their backyard and eat it raw,” she said.

The Primal Blueprint claims to reward those who strictly follow it with boosted energy, weight loss and better sleep. However, the huge change in day-to-day diet makes it difficult for many people to loyally follow it.

Gluten-Free

Unspinning the Meaning of the

O-Word

Corporatization has redefined organic food

BUZZSAW: The Edible Issue

By Max Ocean

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S

ince the early 2000s, on the heels of a huge growth in consumer demand for organic food, an unprecedented change in how food is marketed and produced has occurred. The result is that a word that was once quite important has lost most of its meaning, and both consumers and farmers are the ones losing out.

Upfront

25

Consumer interest in healthy food and lifestyle habits, spurred by the everworsening obesity epidemic, has fully enveloped the psyche of our nation since the turn of the century. With increased consumer interest has come an explosion of new health products, formulabased exercise programs and a litany of new superfoods. Nearly all these trendy products come accompanied by buzzwords with tremendous amounts of selling power — power that is oftentimes used to dupe consumers into buying products that are not actually healthier.

One word, above all, has emerged over the last 10 years as the defining marker used by many when judging whether something is not merely “edible,” but actually good for them: organic. While the O-word is now commonplace in any supermarket, to the point when most people think they know the basics of what it means, it has become less understood today than it was before the health food boom went mainstream — before there was any sort of national certification process for organic farmers. Meanwhile, over the last 25 years the meaning of the word has slowly been undermined by big agricultural corporations looking to capitalize on a steadily growing consumer market.

BUZZSAW: The Edible Issue

The Organics Boom

The use of the word “organic” emerged in the mid-20th century as a method of differentiating more traditional agricultural methods from the industrial methods that began to popularize in the 1920s. Although the word was first used in reference to food in the 1940s, it took until the late 1960s before it caught hold as a popular term. From the ’70s through the early ’90s, organic and other health food products were sold almost exclusively at specialty stores and coops. This growth of an alternative market eventually produced a demand large enough that conventional grocery stores began to take advantage of it. Even so, in 1990 the national market for organic food was a scant $1 billion compared to $35.1 billion in 2013. While that market share still only accounts for around 4 percent of the $760 billion in annual food sales, 73 percent of Americans now say they eat at least some certified organic food. Most importantly, the organic market is still seeing a 10 to 15 percent annual growth rate, compared to a 4 to 5 percent growth rate in the conventional food market.

The Corporate Takeover

Amy Guptill, a professor of sociology at

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The College at Brockport State University of New York who studies humans’ social relationship to food, described the reformation of what was a counterculture movement in the 1970s into a corporate-dominated industry today as a “movement to market” shift. In the 1960s and ’70s, Guptill said, activists “promoted organic agriculture as a way to forge relationships with nature — as well as one another — that were closer and non-exploitative.” But then that movement “spawned an organic market” that is product-focused rather than processfocused, as those early organic advocates initially stressed.

Phil Howard, an associate professor at Michigan State University, studies food systems and corporatization trends more generally and from a market-focused perspective. Howard agreed with Guptill’s assessment of what the focus of organics is for consumers today as compared with what it was initially, but refrains from passing too much of his own judgement on the matter.

“A lot of ideas were co-opted but there’s some that haven’t been,” he said.

Howard said, although a lot of organic products today “might be coming from China or Latin America, presumably that label still means something,” in regard to the actual content of the food.

Howard said he sees the move to a national certification program as the turning point.

“When it was clear that they were going to implement a national standard, that really triggered a wave of consolidation, first by venture capitalists,” Howard said.

In many situations those venture capitalists would bundle a bunch of natural products and companies together and sell them off together for a large profit.

An infographic by Howard put out by the Cornucopia Institute in February 2014 shows the consolidation of organic companies by larger food companies that has followed in the wake of the DeanHorizon deal. The trend shows no signs of stopping. Dean Foods’ WhiteWave acquired Earthbound Farm, the nation’s largest organic produce supplier, in a $600 million acquisition last December.

Coca-Cola recently acquired a 10 percent stake in Green Mountain Coffee for $1.25 billion. Many of the corporations purchasing companies, or at least with stakes in them, have clear larger objectives for their subsidiaries. This corporate dominance has impacted the marketing techniques of many companies, leading to...

...The New Meaning of Organic

Because organic is now a label with selling power, the social meaning of organic has changed a great deal.

“Sociologist Pierre Bourdieu notes that elites seek consumption practices that distinguish them from the masses,” Guptill said. “Organic food has come to have that elite cachet, whereas, in the 1970s, it was the food of people seeking to reject elitism. The corporatization of organics supports the elite status of the label, because it hides the conditions of its production, leaving only the attractive product.”

This corporate takeover has led to organic being associated most with personal health, rather than global health.

“The idea that organic is healthier — the science behind that is kind of contested,” Howard said. Those personal health factors, in Howard’s assessment, are “not necessarily the motivation for the most committed organic consumers...They’re interested in the environmental impacts.”

Thirdly, as Howard noted, while the certified organic label “still means something,” it doesn’t mean nearly what it used to — not only in terms of social and environmental impact, but in terms of what is actually directly used in the food production process. The corporatization of organics has unquestionably led to...

...The Rapid Weakening of Organic Standards

It’s easy to forget just how new that little green-and-white USDA Organic symbol is. The Organic Foods Production Act of 1990 was the piece of legislation that first authorized the creation of a National Organic Program by the USDA — a piece of legislation that Guptill referred to as the “turning point” in the process of corporatization.

“Before organics was mainstream, producing and consuming organic food marked you as a member of the counterculture,” Guptill said. “As more and more consumers sought non-industrial food, the organic associations created certification programs to communicate their distinct ethical standards to their growing ranks of consumers...As that certification process has been subsumed under mainstream, industrialized food channels, the relationship between producers and consumers has become just as opaque as that in the main industrial food system.”

While most organic consumers today think the term organic means there are no pesticides involved in production, in

were not given access to pasture — a clear stipulation of organic standards. As the Chicago Tribune wrote in 2006, the dairy had “been so obsessed with increasing production to meet the soaring demand for organic milk that it has mostly kept the cows in the barn.” The Cornucopia Institute’s complaint was dismissed by the USDA without regulators ever being sent to the dairy in question.

So What’s the Answer?

Factory farming, be it conventional or “organic,” is not the answer to world hunger as we were told back at the beginning of the so-called — and spectacularly inaptly-named — “Green Revolution.” It is unsustainable, harsh toward biodiversity, concentrates profits in the hands of a select few and requires an immense amount of finite resources. But, largely due to growing concern around climate change, the pitfalls of conventional farming are increasingly falling subject to the scrutiny they’ve long withstood. As Leah Douglas wrote a few weeks ago at the popular blog Civil Eats: From the United Nations Climate Summit to the People’s Climate March and the accompanying Flood Wall Street action, all eyes have been on the climate...

Amidst heated discussions of global policy change, greenhouse gases, and emissions caps, food and farming — and the impact they are having on our changing climate — were also in the spotlight. After all, agriculture is one of largest contributors of human-caused emissions.

Even before this increased scrutiny came about due to climate change, as Guptill noted, the most committed organic consumers, reacting to this trend of corporatization “have focused intently on creating more direct relationships, in which the conditions of production (including labor) are more transparent to consumers.”

So, while organic might not mean much as a label anymore, there are a growing number of people working to raise awareness of the role our agricultural system can play in a sustainable future, and they are doing so through a variety of methods. This includes urban farms, community-based direct-to-consumer distribution systems and buses carrying holistic produce that service low-income “food deserts,” where residents have no regular access to fruits and vegetables.

The bulk of these are done through holistic certification processes beyond the manipulation of a central regulatory

agency.

Howard paid a lot of attention to these newer approaches to sustainable food certification, which include approaches he collectively categorizes as “eco-labels.”

“Organic is just one eco-label,” Howard said. “There are a lot of others that farmers are using to try and address some ecological and cultural criteria that aren’t necessarily embedded in the conventional food system.”

The label of biodynamic has been around even longer than organic and has received increased attention in recent years. Based on an early-20th century philosophy, biodynamics envisions a farm as a closed-loop system that mimics a self-sufficient organism.

Remembrance Farm in Trumansburg, New York, has been biodynamic since it was founded in 2004. The owners, Nathaniel and Emily Thompson, have always been interested in more holistic approaches to farming, making the biodynamic certification process a perfect fit, as it also allows them to claim the organic label without undergoing additional certification.

“We meet all the standards but we also meet a higher standard,” Nathaniel said. The Thompsons essentially need to be certified, as they mostly sell to wholesalers and nearly all retail stores “need the organic certification,” Nathaniel said.

“That’s just the reality of the world we live in.”

“If you’re selling even to a co-op they tend to prefer produce that’s certified so that their member-owners have greater confidence in it,” Howard said, in support of the Thompson’s reasoning behind being certified. But another interesting change has been afoot in the sustainable food world at the same time that organic has been corporatized. As Howard pointed out, a growing number of farms distribute their produce through community-supported agriculture programs, or other forms of direct-to-consumer marketing, and many of these farms “don’t even bother with certification because they’re selling to direct markets and people have that face-to-face interaction and trust and they don’t need a third party,” he said.

The bottom line, Howard said, is: “Diversity is better. When you have just one model it’s susceptible to co-optation, just like organic.” ________________________________________ Max Ocean is senior journalism major with a double minor in CSAs and food shares. Email him at mocean1@ithaca. edu.

27

Upfront

reality there are more than 20 chemicals commonly used in the growing and processing of organic crops that are approved by the U.S. Organic Standards.

Specifically, the pesticides used in organic farming must be of natural origin and minimally processed, whereas conventional farming allows the use of synthetic pesticides. This implies some sort of tested difference in the toxicity between synthetic and natural pesticides, but that’s not necessarily the case.

The factory farms employing these methods, as guru-of-all-things-food Michael Pollan put it in a conversation with Organic Gardening Magazine, are “organic by the letter, not organic in spirit… if most organic consumers went to those places, they would feel they were getting ripped off.”

There was a lot of opposition from small organic farmers when the National Organic Program was created and the Organic Consumers Association was formed in 1998 in direct opposition to the national regulations for organic farming that had finally been put forth in compliance with the passage of the 1990 law.

The concerns of the time went mostly unheeded, but over time support for them has gained strength as they appear increasingly valid. Since its formation, the OCA has waged a Safeguard Organic Standards campaign, aimed at contrasting the small scale, sustainable methods used by many organic farmers with what they foresaw as a certification system that would quickly become subject to corporate manipulation. The organization now represents over 850,000 members, subscribers and volunteers.

The story of Horizon Organic is a prime example of how the new kinds of organic food producers — which were created by the wave of venture capitalist investment, as noted by Howard — can easily exploit the organic certification process.

Started by a group of millionaires with experience in both factory dairy farming and the organics industry, Horizon was unquestionably growth-focused, which contrasted with many other organic brands. When Dean Foods, one of the nation’s largest food suppliers, purchased Horizon in 2004, it significantly contributed to setting a precedent for how other companies would choose to approach problems of growth and competition on a large scale.

The effects of Dean’s acquisition of Horizon were quite obvious within just a few years. In 2007, the nonprofit Cornucopia Institute filed a complaint against Dean for the keeping conditions of cows producing organic milk. Lactating milk cows

Arts, entertainment and other things cooler than us.

BUZZSAW: The Edible Issue

OL. MINISTRYofCOOL. MI

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People Used to Eat Some Strange Stuff A look at some of history’s weirdest cuisines Ethan Cannon, Contributing Writer

T

he past is a funny thing. Oftentimes, what seemed so cool “back in the day” has the power to make us cringe when we encounter it in the present. This is true of just about anything, ranging from serious issues like the oppression of an entire people group (slavery) to even just a terrifying hairstyle (the mullet). But whatever it is, odds are if it makes sense to us today, it may very well be gawked at tomorrow. To celebrate the ridiculousness of days gone by, here are some of history’s most embarrassing, taboo, and no longer eaten foods starting with:

Edible Dormice

Weird foods can be found as far back as the days of ancient Rome with the catching and preparing of what today would be considered pretty appalling: a type of mouse aptly named the edible

Roman dishes. It smelled about as bad as you would expect it to, but this did not prevent the Romans from smothering their food in literal fish guts.

Roasted Hedgehog

The Middle Ages were definitely not a time renowned for having an abundance of nutritious food options. However, there was certainly no lack of culinary creativity. For those born into wealth, one exotic dish involved the cooking of hedgehog.

A recipe from Le Menagier de Paris, a medieval guidebook, describes how to properly prepare the then-popular entrée: “Hedgehog should have its throat cut, be singed and gutted, then trussed like a pullet, then pressed in a towel until very dry; and then roast it and eat with cameline sauce, or in pastry with wild duck sauce.”

Those interested in trying this forgotten meal will be disappointed as hedgehog is now considered a protected species and therefore no longer served anywhere. Other honorable mentions of now taboo foods from the Middle Ages can be found from several culinary manuscripts on MedievalCookery.com, which includes enticing recipes for squirrel and sheep penis, which would have been flavored with cinnamon, ginger and pepper.

Those that were deemed too thin were kept and fed by the Romans to ensure as much meat could be eaten from those tiny mouse bones as possible.

Swan

Turtle Soup

Turtle soup is exactly what it sounds like: soup containing turtle meat. Believe it or not, for a long time this bygone meal was very popular in the United States.

President William Howard Taft called it his favorite food, and it was commonly served in the White House during his presidency.

According to “The Rise and Fall of Turtle Soup” from History.com, the soup became popular during the days of the original colonies when green snapping turtles could easily be found. It retained its popularity for years, earning its place as a staple of American food.

Unfortunately, in an article titled “Where Have You Gone, Joe DiMaggio and Turtle Soup?” from Huffington Post, writer Matthew Jacob states that by the mid-1900s the turtle population had diminished and cooks had grown tired of dealing with the aggressive nature of the turtles. Thus, turtle soup disappeared from American dinner plates.

While it is extremely rare to find it on any menus today, some still attempt to imitate the unique taste of turtle by creating “mock” turtle soup for which various recipes can be found online. _______________________________________ Ethan Cannon is a freshman journalism major who isn’t going to be sharing any of his dormice with you. Email him at ecannon1@ithaca.edu

Roasted swan was a favorite food of the royal family. According to the article, “Why Don’t We Eat Swans Anymore?” on Modern Farmer, swan dishes would commonly appear at the feasts of Henry VIII and could be prepared in several different ways, ranging from being stuffed with other birds to being served with special seasonings like yellow pepper.

In fact, the royal family valued swans so much that in 1482 the Act Concerning Swans was passed, an official declaration that all swans belonged to the monarchy. While swan is no longer enjoyed as a meal by the royals today, the law remains in effect and a census known as the Swan Upping occurs annually at

Ministry of Cool

dormouse. In his article titled, “Eat Like a Roman” on Gourmet, food critic Robert Sietsema wrote that dormice would be “dipped in honey and poppy seeds” and then “eaten as appetizers, or as desserts.”

The dormice were typically a larger type of mouse, but according to “Edible Dormice” from BBC, those that were deemed too thin were kept and fed by the Romans to ensure as much meat could be eaten from those tiny mouse bones as possible.

While never the main course, the Romans took the business of mice-eating very seriously and would often spice up the recipe with an infamous Roman concoction known as garum. Garum was a popular Roman sauce made up of the organs of dead fish and flavored with salt. As stated in an article on garum from the University of Chicago, the sauce sat for about two months, giving it the time it needed to ferment before being used to liven up a large variety of

the Thames. But according to the official website for the British Monarchy, nowadays the ceremonial Swan Upping is used to organize data to assist in the conservation of swan life rather than to gather swans for a tasty meal.

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Chef Life

Addiction to the kitchen Connor Shannon, Contributing Writer

BUZZSAW: The Edible Issue

I

recently had the pleasure of reading the book that changed Anthony Bourdain’s life; Kitchen Confidential: Adventures in the Culinary Underbelly. When I first opened the book I had specific goals, things I wanted to confirm about the kitchen industry and about what made people keep coming back to the lawless sweatbox that was my second home for the past two years (because it certainly wasn’t the money or the benefits). This book took Bourdain out from behind the line of a French Bistro steakhouse in Manhattan and turned him into the sarcastic world traveler, the renowned critic of foods and governments, and the only man I’ve heard of that was able to combine all my passions into a lucrative career.

But the path he took to get there was not a hike through the woods, it was a transatlantic journey on a raft made out of drug addictions, deeply rooted masochism and a cutthroat mentality. And it is through this journey that he reveals all the war stories of a typical night in your favorite restaurant.

Bourdain spent well over 20 years living the kitchen life and held every position from dishwasher to executive chef. And on top of that, he worked in restaurants all over New York City, Washington D.C. and even Tokyo.

So the man obviously knows what really goes on at a restaurant while you and your family are making awkward small talk about the weather.

But perhaps my favorite thing about this book, what really makes it special, is that Bourdain puts into words my own rationalizations and anger toward everything and everyone in the restaurant business.

The absolute first thing anyone notices upon getting a new job, or even entering a new room, is the people who are there with them. And in this case, what stuck out to me on my first night of work wasn’t the fact that I was in a damp 1970s cave, but the cooks and the chef. Immediately, I knew they were a different breed of people than I had ever seen before; Bourdain compares them to a pirate crew, and that’s such a perfect description.

All the cooks I’ve met were alcohol-

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ics, hopelessly addicted to nicotine, brandishing the sharpest knives a line dog’s wage could buy, and chasing down any attractive (or unattractive) waitress that walked into the kitchen.

But they were, without a shadow of a doubt, the hardest working individuals that I have ever known.

These are people that couldn’t physically or emotionally bring themselves to work anywhere else because laws of the real world don’t necessarily apply in the kitchen.

Bourdain talks about how he stabbed a cook in the hand with a meat fork — this thing went through the guy’s knuckles, all because he was touching him. And how another time, he announced that if a cook didn’t shut up, he’d remove his eyes and proceed to skull fuck him. If Bourdain had said or done this literally anywhere else, he wouldn’t be on TV traveling the world; he’d be facing assault charges.

Those weren’t the crazy outlier occasions either — there are fights behind the line all the time; with five miserable, slightly unstable, severely underpaid people wielding knives within a 25 foot line. You’d have more luck trying to contain a forest fire using car bombs.

This is not to say that cooks aren’t artists or professionals. A cook’s whole life is based on how they create something beautiful out of nothing.

They may dick around for the majority of the day, they may call you every name in the book (and even some that aren’t), but if those grill lines on that strip aren’t geometrically perfect, you better believe that you’re gonna have to start over.

There were many jobs I could’ve gotten back home; I could’ve been at the ski mountain, worked in retail or even been a lifeguard. And these are all jobs where I would have been paid more, gotten actual breaks (instead

of just five minutes to suck down a cigarette on an overturned milk crate in the rain), and I never once would have burned myself or almost cut my fingers off. And just maybe, I would’ve been acknowledged or spoken to a real person who experienced any real person emotions or feelings.

So why did I continue to put myself through 45 to 50 hour weeks in that prison colony? Why did Bourdain spend 20 years, doing any drug he

Immediately, I knew they were a different breed of people than I had ever seen before; Bourdain compares them to a pirate crew, and that’s such a perfect description. could find in NYC, losing almost everyone he cared about for the sake of his job? Because he was someone who loved food. Food is an art form, it’s the ultimate form of culture communication, and above all else, it is an adventure. It’s something new and different no matter where you are. It’s all there for us to try, and as Bourdain reminds us, “Your body is not a temple, it’s an amusement park. Enjoy the ride.” _____________________________________ Connor Shannon is a freshman culture and communication major whose favorite movie is Julie & Julia. Email him at cshannon@ithaca.edu.

The Wacky Snacks of China

A six-month romp through the food of the Far East

Photo by Lisa Laffend

Lisa Laffend, Staff Writer

S

sugary mayonnaise gluing the fuzzy meat product to the bun. It’s also frequently eaten over rice, on sandwiches or shoved in the Chinese version of the Korean snack kimbap (a bit like sushi but with a colder, more veggie centered theme).

Texture-wise, it’s softer than it looks, dissolving quickly on the tongue with a range of flavors, sometimes smoky, sometimes much spicier than expected but always vaguely like sweet-seasoned pork. Making this tangle of meat cloud involves stewing, teasing, straining, drying, beating, mashing and tossing in a wok to finish it off. It’s a painstakingly long process to make from scratch, but if you ever wanted to know what meatflavored cotton candy tastes like, it’s well worth the wait.

Depending on the region, sachima is another common snack. Whether cut into pocket-sized chunks or bricksized bars, it’s easy to mistake these guys for a foreign cousin of Rice Krispie treats. Each one is a tightly packed cake of fluffy nuggets of fried dough held together with a sugary syrup and often sprinkled with sesame seeds or flavored with eggs or milk.

Biting into one, I was surprised it squished like a packing peanut instead of crunching as I had expected it to. Flavor-wise they’re very bland with just a hint of sweet, comparable to a plain biscotti, perfect for eating with your morning coffee or tea.

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Ministry of Cool

ea cucumber, urchin, jellyfish, duck face, duck blood and rabbit head are just a handful of the delicacies served to honored guests at the Chinese dinner table. Some — like jellyfish, duck blood, and rabbit head — aren’t even reserved for guests of honor but eaten as everyday snacks.

Last semester, I had the opportunity to study abroad in Yantai, Shandong, China. Living in China for six months gave me ample time to try all of the aforementioned food as well as some that are less likely to appear on Fear Factor and more adaptable for Americanized taste buds. Often, the snacks I found in the grocery store were more intriguing than the food put in front of me in formal settings. While I could write a novel about all the strange food-ventures I had, here are just a few of China’s bizarre snack trends.

When looking at a country with as old of a history and culture as China, there is a clear divide between the more traditional flavor profiles and the modernized, mass-produced and manufactured junk food. My favorite of these more traditional oddities was something called pork floss, which I found much tastier than what came to mind from the name.

There are many ways of eating it, but on its own it looks like a bird’s nest of artificial-red-orange steel wool, sometimes leaning more toward a woody light brown color. The two most common forms of consumption I saw were wrapped in a flaky crust package small enough to fit in one’s palm with plenty of room or on a fluffy sweet bun with some kind of mild yet

Traditional Chinese snacks, like the aforementioned pork floss and sachima or bean paste and mooncakes, have very mild flavors with heavy after tastes. It is as if they’re only suggesting something sweet or the fiery revenge of back-heat sneaks up on you.

On the other hand, the more modern junk food is packed with crazy bold flavors that are offered among a variety of products spreading like a bad fashion trend.

Green tea’s subtle flavor makes the perfect gateway from traditional flavors to modern and can be found in everything from Kit Kats to cookies.

As the temperatures rose through the 20s (Celsius that is), lines grew outside the ice cream window of McDonald’s as people waited for their green tea soft serve.

Corn flavor was also wildly popular. The most alien form of corn snacks was a longer, denser version of a cheese doodle with a buttery filling, creating the illusion of eating vaporized popcorn. The most common corn treats were small hard candies shaped like corn that, unlike many American flavored candies, actually tasted exactly like nibbling on a cob of sweet corn.

Cucumber was probably the biggest flavor obsession, not ending with just the refreshingly sweet and salty Lay’s chips flavor and gum varieties (sold alongside lemongrass and lavender), but spreading to non-food products, like scented tissues.

The best place to see the neverending flavor palate was in chips, followed closely by Oreo flavors. Pepsi and chicken chips are commonly mentioned on internet lists of crazy Chinese snacks. Having experienced them first hand, one could say it tastes like eating a barbeque chip after having drank a Pepsi earlier and after finishing the chip perhaps burping a little, just enough to have that vague hint of Pepsi return. With such a wide array of flavors it’s almost no surprise that finding “original” or “plain” is almost impossible. ____________________________________ Lisa Laffend is a sophomore integrated marketing communication major who is still pork flossing green tea Kit Kats out of her teeth. Email her at llaffen1@ ithaca.edu.

The Real Food of Spain Mexican food need not apply

Photo courtsey of Creative Commons

Vicente Gomar Giner, Contributing Writer

Vicente Gomar Giner is an exchange student from the Universitat de València in Spain.

A BUZZSAW: The Edible Issue

ccording to one of the most prestigious culinary prizes in the World, “World´s 50 Best Restaurants”, organized by Restaurant magazine, three Spanish chefs are among the top eight from around the world, representing about 37.5 percent of them. However, the population of Spain is just 0.67 percent of the worldwide population according to the CIA estimate in July.

Spanish cuisine is varied, and there are several typical plates in each province of Spain. It is interesting to highlight that because, contrary to many people´s beliefs, Spanish cuisine is not spicy at all. The most famous plate of Spanish cuisine is paella, a plate that can be cooked in different ways. The original paella is called paella valenciana, since it was created in this Mediterranean region.

Traditionally, paella valenciana is composed of (but not limited to) rice, chicken, rabbit, grated fresh tomatoes, green beans, lima beans, virgin olive oil, salt and saffron. In Valencia, it is very common to eat paella valenciana with family and friends on Sundays.

Thanks to its incomparable taste, it spread quickly across the rest of Spain and Europe. This has helped develop many different styles stemming from the original one.

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Among them is the paella marinera, which is made with seafood. This paella is composed of (but not limited to) rice, lobster, mussels, squid, shrimp, peas, virgin olive oil, tomatoes, onions and garlic. It is very common to eat paella marinera on the coast of Spain.

There are more plates, such as Spanish omelets and croquetas.

Spanish omelets are made with potatoes, eggs, onions, olive oil and salt. Croquetas are a food which can be prepared in different ways. The base is a portion of dough made with minced meat ingredients and mixed with béchamel sauce. Each croqueta is dipped into beaten eggs, dipped into breadcrumbs and fried in oil. The most common minced ingredients are ham, chicken and cod.

Moreover, there are some ingredients used very often, such as olive oil, manchego cheese, shellfish and Iberico ham, a special type of cured ham . These foods, Spanish omelets, and croquetas with all kinds of garnish and bread are what make up the famous tapas.

All of these foods can be accompanied with a cup of wine. In Spain, there are so many different kinds of wines, the best being Rioja, Ribera del Duero and Cariñena o Rueda. Moreover, there are some variations of wine such as Sangría, which is made with red wine, oranges (or lemons), peaches, sugar,

carbonated water and ice (but there are many different ways to make this).

In summer, one of the most famous plates is gazpacho, which is a fresh soup made with tomatoes, green peppers, garlic, cucumber, virgin olive oil, sherry vinegar, hard bread, fresh water and salt. For a sweet drink, we usually go for the horchata, made up of chufa (which is a tuber that mostly grow in Valencia), water and sugar.

Horchata is usually served with fartons, a glazed confectionary sweet made with flour, milk, sugar, oil, eggs and yeast. In winter, the most typical candy is chocolate with churros, made with wheat flour cooked in oil.

Mediterranean diets (traditional cuisine of Greece, Spain and Italy) currently influence Spanish cuisine, which has always been associated with good health. This diet is based on a lot of plant food, such as grains, bread, vegetables, legumes, fruits and dried fruits. It contains seasonal vegetables and fruits, because they are tastier and carry more nutrients. It is recommended to eat both five times each day. Fresh fruit is considered the best dessert.

Bread and grains (pasta, rice and whole-grain products) are eaten every day, since they provide a lot of energy, as well as dairy products (mainly yogurt and cheese), which are rich in minerals and vitamins.

Fish is typically eaten several times a week, especially oily fish. On the other hand, eggs and meats are eaten in moderation.

The main source of fat comes from the use of olive oil, which has cardioprotective properties that prevent future cardiovascular diseases. It is a treasure in the Mediterranean diet and has stayed with it for centuries. _____________________________________ Vicente Gomar Giner is an exchange student from Spain who is studying business. He takes his horchata shaken, not stirred. Email him at vgomarginer@ithaca.edu.

The Vanilla Cupcake Blow Job Anonymous

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he powder box was heartshaped and pink. The powder itself was glittery and edible and until a few months ago, it was hidden among hair prod-

fast. Also, it is very difficult to remember the powder’s existence when wrapped up in a fit of passion. There is really no opportunity for, “Hold on, wait, let me get my powder.”

I was single again by the end of the year, and the powder found its place again among the hair products. Girls on my floor found out about the powder and were intrigued and wanted to taste it. I felt cool and special, but it’s not like I actually ever used it.

I’ve awkwardly dabbed it on my inner thighs before going out over the years, but if you know anything about Ithaca’s night life, then you know that by the end of the night that powder has been completely sweated off.

I kept the powder all this time I think because I wanted to hold on to that naive enthusiasm my 17-yearold self had. Packing up for what would be my final fall semester at IC, I decided to toss the thing in the trash — not because I was no longer enthusiastic about sex, but because some things are just not meant to taste like vanilla cupcakes.

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Ministry of Cool

ucts.

I bought it as a senior in high school because my friend said she bought it and used it and it made blow jobs taste like vanilla cupcakes. WHAT?!

I wasn’t a virgin at the time, but I also wasn’t all that experienced either.

But I wanted to be. And I believed this was the best way. If guys knew I had this edible powder that I could put anywhere on the body, then surely the sex would be better.

My friend misled me. See, she had a boyfriend. She had this guy equal parts horny and loyal who was totally fine with her whipping out this powder, dabbing it on a bit (with the fluffy pink makeup puff), and then going in for the kill. I, on the other hand, little, single me was not sure about the logistics of this thing. So let’s break it down:

In order for the powder to be used properly, I would need to be making out with a guy first, decide to take it to the next level, say to him, “Hold on, wait, let me get my powder,” because of course it would be conveniently on hand, then dab it on anywhere on the body and assume he would still have respect for me at the end. No! And so I kept it, hoping someday I would have that horny, loyal guy willing to use this edible powder, which did in fact taste like vanilla cupcakes.

When it came time to pack up my things for college, there lay the powder box, tucked neatly between an old hair straightener and a collection of serums. I couldn’t let my mom see this, so I quickly threw it into a suitcase of clothes and hauled that promiscuous little thing up to school with me.

A few months in, I met that guy — the one willing to experiment. And so we used the powder. We went to town with that damn powder. But like the powders of Fun Dip, Victoria Secret’s Edible Shimmer Powder can get old

RAW SAW

Boyhood

FROM THE

Film Review Train Schickele

Contributing Writer

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Boyhood delivers a beautiful odyssey of modern life, evoking pain, beauty and reminiscence for all ages. If born between 1994 and 1996, it is probable that Richard Linklater’s film hits very close to home. Regardless of age, Boyhood will align the crosshairs on anyone who is interested in their own childhood.

Mason is a quiet, slightly outcast thinker who absorbs the dizzying elements of life and change around him. From ages five to 18, actor Ellar Coltrane (Mason) grew up through the lens of a camera, along with the rest of the movie’s cast. Boyhood is the product of a 12-year mission to capture the rapidly changing body, mind and spirit of a young boy, and to see those three elements whirl together in a maelstrom of emotion, spiraling into adulthood.

Watching Boyhood in theaters was like being part of a social experiment. Boys slumped down their chairs when mom’s embrace was shoved away in middle school. Girls empathetically giggled at the “whys” and “whatevers” exhaled on screen. Mothers sighed as the family moved to Texas to live with grandma. As for myself, Boyhood sometimes reflected like a mirror, as I too was 11 years old during the release of the Nintendo Wii and the last Harry Potter book. This film is constructed for all ages, but it would be naïve not to mention the physical relevance that Boyhood offers to the current 19-year-old.

There was no way for Linklater to know which actors would be right for this film when the project began, as nobody remains the same person after 12 years. In an interview from Mail & Guardian this September, Linklater said, “You don’t plan…You march towards the future and move as the reality shifts.”

Ethan Hawke is a recurring actor in Linklater’s films, and as the father in Boyhood, one

can see a connection established over the years between himself and his two children in addition to the growing bond between Hawke and the two young actors. Neither Linklater nor the cast was sure how the movie would end. But with a dozen years and one cast, it’s no wonder Hawke and Coltrane seem like father and son.

Though Mason’s life ran parallel with every student enrolling to college this year, it does not limit any reflection for others. I was born in 1995 and, during the 165-minute run, little nostalgic knots of my life came loose.When Mason was about 7 years old, Sheryl Crowe’s pop hit “Soak Up the Sun,” which I associate with Kidz Bop, seemed an immature musical choice for a movie I thought deserved a better score.

But then I remembered; when I was 7, in 2002, I hummed that song while putting my backpack in the wooden classroom cubby.

This film accentuates on significant moments and archetypes that slid to the back of our minds, which no ordinary blockbuster could fish out. From the camping trip with dad or seeing mom cry, the 2 a.m. tacos with your girlfriend or the scolding from your photography teacher, something is bound to resonate in the chest either during or after the digestion of Boyhood.

Boyhood is not a twist and turn plot. It is best described as life extracted from a youthful time of change and awakening which we all undergo.

Boyhood will have something new to offer this year’s audience in 10 years time. Perhaps Linklater will have made a sequel by then.

Jack White

Album Review Hristina Tasheva

Blue Ruin

Contributing Writer

Film Review Tyler Macri

Contributing Writer

ly produce a terrible song, but he loses his spark occasionally and it is unfortunate. However, even White’s weaker songs are worth listening to, and that says a lot.

White raised the stakes on the vinyl format of Lazaretto. The “Ultra LP” sounds intimidating with all of its features; locked grooves, dual groves, three speeds, hidden tracks, matte finish, a holographic angel(?!) and many more; but it’s not nearly all that White hyped it up to be.

Most of the features are simply a novelty. The hidden tracks are hard to hear on the paper label and impossible to play if you have an automatic stop.

Side A plays from the inside out which is fine unless you forget, place the needle on the outside and hear the end of “High Ball Stepper” loop over and over again. The locked grooves are cool, but a hindrance to the lazy record listener who would rather have the record stop on its own.

The only feature that is truly useful feature is the dual groove technology on “Just One Drink.”

Depending on where you drop the needle you will either get the original electric intro or an acoustic intro. The acoustic intro is a wonderful addition and flows into the rest of the song even better than the electric intro does.

No matter what people say about Lazaretto though, the numbers speak for themselves. The album has over 60,000 vinyl sales, making it the best-selling vinyl record since Pearl Jam’s Vitalogy in 1994. Whatever White’s doing, he’s doing it right.

Blue Ruin is a not-so-typical revenge thriller with a satisfying art-house twist. The first 20 minutes of the film are bathed in an inclusive suspense, all completely devoid of any dialogue; the audience is introduced to a frail looking beach bum, Dwight, who viewers familiarize themselves with simply by watching him live. By day he scavenges suburban areas for food and other necessities, and by night he returns to his home — a derelict Pontiac in the middle of a secluded field. One gets the sense that this is his only possession from a former life. It is undoubtedly the item responsible for the film’s title: a “blue ruin” of sorts. Shortly thereafter he discovers that the individual responsible for the murder of his parents has been released from prison, and so his quest for retribution is set ablaze.

Jeremy Saulnier plays both the roles of director and cinematographer for Blue Ruin, which is his second feature film. Funded mostly by Kickstarter, Blue Ruin is particularly impressive for being shot on such a modest budget — moreover, it is a piece of cinema that is truly impressive on nearly all fronts. As cinematographer, Saulnier brings his vision stunningly to life; color palettes change as the film progresses from blue nostalgic undertones at the beginning, to warmer shades indicative of the impending wrath at the climax.

Macon Blair plays the lead role as Dwight, and does an impeccable job portraying a man who doesn’t seem to be quite cut out for the all-American revenge game he’s thrown him-

self into. From behind his bushy beard, there is fear in his eyes; Dwight seems to think that revenge is the only solution, but is it truly what he wants?

The film plays with the audience’s expectations in these ways. This isn’t the Charles Bronson revenge film we’ve familiarized ourselves with, where the hero mows down groups of bad guys after falling victim to an act of unthinkable brutality. No, Blue Ruin isn’t interested in satiating our tastes for those romanticized visions of bloodshed that have become so popular in modern films. Saulnier seems interested only in exploring the consequences of violence, and the unfortunate circumstances that give rise to it. As Dwight silently contemplates the morality of the situation unfolding around him, one is exposed to the tragedy of victimhood. By the end of the film, everything feels bathed in blood. It’s an unsettling but sobering experience.

The film’s implications become particularly evident in a scene where Dwight watches a bullet pass through someone’s head, and we hear the shooter murmur, “That’s what bullets do.” The question arises, why has Dwight chosen this route? Saulnier seems to be analyzing the place of guns in our culture. He asks us to question the morality of a society that romanticizes firearms and, in certain regions, clings to ideological beliefs reminiscent of Sergio Leone’s representations of the Wild West. Living in a world saturated with hammers, does every problem start to look like a nail?

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Ministry of Cool

Lazaretto - noun: A building or ship used for detention in quarantine (Merriam-Webster); Jack White’s second solo LP. Lazaretto is stunning instrumentally; every single track on this album is well played. White along with 17 credited musicians on the album create everything from a wall of sound to gentle caressing whines. Fiddle solos, harmonicas, piano, violin, mandolin and of course, guitar. White proves that he can slay solos in the crackly, dirty and oh-so cool “High Ball Stepper.”

The backup vocals on every single track are on point, their sweeping croons in “Would You Fight For My Love?” sound amazing and are consistent throughout.

White does not disappoint in this album. “I got three women/ Red, blonde, and brunette,” boasts White in the beginning of his first track, based on Blind Willie McTell’s “Three Women Blues.”

The best track on the album, “That Black Bat Licorice,” sounds like a madman’s fevered dream; the cackling intro seeps into a woman repeating “behave yourself,” White screams, “That Black Bat Licorice, I never liked it, I never will.” The guitar sounds grimy and raw. Overall the song has a badass feel to it.

The bad news is that when White is not an impassioned madman, he falls flat lyrically, sounding bored in songs like “Want and Able,” “Temporary Ground” and “Alone in My Home.”

These songs are slower, but that doesn’t mean they can’t have passion. White could never tru-

BUZZSAW: The Edible Issue

Short fiction, personal essay and other assorted lies.

E&CONS. PROSE&CONS. P

36

Hijab and Hoodies

Love is my religion.

by Jodi Silberstein

And then George didn’t chase after Hussein Who slammed the door and ran out into the rain, And Hussein whimpered, “Only Taylor Swift can relate.”

Bring our troops home Is a type of joke all it’s own Because all we’ve ever known is war.

Developments are two steps back, And casualties are currency To the comfortable and corrupt.

The deadliest battles Are slipped under the rug, And Momma writes letters Because she doesn’t sleep too much.

They say we don’t know real tragedy But all we’ve ever known is war.

Peace became another Vocabulary word.

And we memorized our stories of where were you when …

But never learned to pronounce The names of Bin Laden’s men.

In a world riddled with Milestones missed, Dad seals his letters with a kiss and P.S.: How are classes going?

When it comes time to pick a religion, Be sure not to misinterpret.

3,000 died the day I learned To dot my i’s.

There’s obvious irony In scripted reality.

The episode about courtship Booted ratings Because I guess respect is an outdated concept.

Years later we all wonder Why we invaded Iraq in the first place Because if you put the spread of democracy On a scale that measures bullshit, That scale would shatter Into a million pieces Of hashtags and whiteboy swag.

Breathe.

Put the weapons down, okay?

Let’s just talk it out.

I’m sure there’s a coffee shop in Brooklyn Filled with hungover hipsters Willing to host a lesson on love Because maybe that was something The mothers of Hamas just simply forgot.

If there’s one thing I learned Growing up in a war, Love is not just between a boy and a girl, Love is between those who believe in it, And it’s the only thing worth fighting for.

God can’t save the King.

And we’ve raised a bunch of jaded teens, So fuck it — All Hail Democracy!

Because that’s what Brian Williams told me …

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Prose & Cons

The Jews are still waiting for Elijah, But the Pope claims Jesus is the messiah.

Ziggy Marley said love is my religion, And that’s the one I believe in.

We all suffer From irreconcilable differences.

The rise in gas prices Is due to some dispute — A minor quarrel in the kitchen.

A u t o m a t o n

By Olivia Smialek

One night, Ida sees moonlight leaking through the window past the fluorescent television screen mounted to the plain, cream-colored walls. It digs its ephemeral hooks into her legs and pulls them up from her pinstriped couch. She pads silently across the shag carpet matted with dirt and tangled fibers. She passes her mother and father, lulled to sleep by their neon panacea of others’ ill fortune. She crosses a sea of pristine linoleum, dodging cheap wooden stools and worn leather briefcases. Her feet shove their way into a battered pair of sneakers. Pushing the front door open, she begins to walk.

Ida knows her town better than any of her neighbors. Every route and road has branded itself into her mind. They stick to her memory like flypaper. Walk straight down the street to meet the highway. Turn left for gas, right for groceries, straight for collisions. From there, each route changes based on destination and duration. She fantasizes about the highway, wanting the rush of artificial wind to singe her legs and spread her skirt like flower petals. Cars would race past her one mile per minute, infinite cars per hour. She wonders how many would pass her in one day, if she could even keep track of them. What would happen if one of them hit her?

Ida usually stares out the window during particularly long car trips. She’s seen many of the landmarks, but she wants to understand them better. Questions flood her mind about these familiar, foreign places. Who tills the endless rows of corn? Had the burned out ruins of that building once supported a glorious mansion? Did someone mean to leave the battered remains of vans in the middle of a clearing? Why do the owners of the small cottage hide their home in ivy and thick vines? Most importantly, what do other drivers think about during their journeys? Occasionally, she stares at the other passengers in adjacent cars. They stare at her through the gray-tinted glass and accept their mutual existence as backseat captives. Their faces scream help me through the glass. She never sees these strangers again, but she will never forget their empty faces.

Although she knows it’s impossible and illegal, her fantasy haunts her when she sits in the car. Walking on the highway carries a heavy chance of death. Some stoned idiot could fall asleep at the wheel, lose control of the vehicle, and crush both it and her body into the guard rail. Her organs would tumble from her body and roll across the highway, transmuting her into another unrecognizable piece of road kill. Birds would pick out her eyes and tear away her skin and hair to build their homes. Ravenous dogs and bears would feast on her flesh, dragging her home to feed their young. Police and passers-by mistake her for a dead deer or careless stray who ran at the wrong time. Eventually, she would devolve into nothing as crows ate her body and vultures scattered her bones. What an undignified way to die.

Worse, another man could notice her walking alone on the side of the road. He would offer her a ride, mistaking her for a vagrant wanderer. She’d be coerced into accepting his offer, then raped, sold into prostitution, or killed and dumped on the side of the highway.

At least, that’s what she’s always believed. Men will take advantage of you unless you defend yourself. Be a strong woman and play it safe.

Reject the charity of strangers. Over and over she hears these words and says she understands.

She still dreams of her inevitable death on the road: never pretty and always gruesome. Would it merit the risk? Ida can never tell.

She knows how she will end. All roads lead to home, regardless of her preference. Five hours south on the highway. One stop for food.

Pass the box stores, the farms and the power plant. Turn left, right, left again. Sleep on the ride back. Talk a little before bed; you know what answers they expect. Always arrive in that impossibly silent room where the owls sing you to sleep. Welcome home.

BUZZSAW: The Edible Issue

Nothing bothers Ida about her house. Its lofty, sloping roof catches light from all directions. Pastel walls reflect the sun inwards. Sky blue lintels repel the birds and bees. The driveway, full of bumps and black rocks, warms her feet as she counts the imperfections. She used to ride her bike down those tiny hills. She used to bounce against the seat as she gained speed. Warm air sent her unkempt hair trailing behind her head, splayed out beneath her glinting, white helmet. Faster and faster she flew down the driveway until she reached the flat road. She would pedal through the street with nothing but the clicking chain for company. Neighbors would wave at her, and sometimes she would greet them back. They never had a place in her private euphoria.

Children will ride their bicycles past her mailbox when she leaves the house, stopping in the middle of the road to stare at her. They fear the strange girl who hardly speaks. She envies their freedom to wander the neighborhood on a tethered leash. They roam the development with no immediate cares. Nothing touches them until an older voice reels them in for supper. She envies their freedom and wonders if they want to keep exploring. How lucky the innocent are, unaware of change and misery, free to wander within the confines of their fence.

She breathes the hot, oily air into her lungs, intoxicated by the gaseous fumes of the highway. The moonlight makes her a shadow, simply existing and barely alive. Cars rush past her, zooming to places unknown and unseen. Her senses tune to the blackness around her, shifting her mind into a higher gear of awareness. She sees the miniature flickers of distant stars in the sky, long forgotten but never lost. One step into the rocky gravel pushed shivers of excitement through her body. Ida walks on the side of the road until she no longer feels stiffness in her legs. Pairs of owls flirt across the road, hooting their calls over the road’s cacophonous whirring. Four miles away from home, she reaches the crossroads where the highways intersect. Waiting for just the right moment — no, another car is coming. Careful, now, you don’t want those deaths to become reality, she reminds herself. Her legs carry her across the gap in a staccato rhythm she has dreamed of hearing. Adrenaline pushes her to run quickly, blinded by her ecstasy and liberated from the nightmare of what if. Her feet touch new gravel, and she smiles with manic delight. The thick, sweet residue of gasoline lingers on her tongue, heavy and leaden. A car shoots past her at sixty miles per hour, pushing hot air around her body. She savors its gentle brush against her legs.

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Luxuria

by Elizabeth Charles

I am the spirit of pollination that possesses the birds and the bees, the winds and trees to revitalize the earth

I am the spark of danger that ignites in the pupil of the eye when it spots an attractive stranger I live in the womb alongside creation.

I make men rise and raise nations.

I mold the fetus of curiosity that grows and comes bursting from the bowels of innovation.

I am the gardener who plants seeds of conflict hose that waters the parched ground of contentment — a life without passion.

I am the telemarketer that calls souls to action I am the hairdresser that weaves tracks of lies and the knee that separates sweaty thighs.

I am the force that makes tongues enter nether regions and removes wedding bands for no good reason.

I dwell in each trust that casts out moral cares and the misty depths of each affair.

I am the war that broke Troy over Helen.

I am the riches searched for by Magellan.

I am the sinking sand that all sanity fell in I can evolve from chaos to subdued beauty and steal a picture perfect ending from the movies.

Evaporate like morning dew on the grass and move on to a new victim just as fast.

I am immortal

Prose & Cons

and change the trajectory of intentions like a portal.

You can reach me on the ground or in the mind.

What am I?

39

Her Moral Victory

By Amanda Livingston She wasn’t sure what time it was.

She was wearing a yellow dress. It must have been early in the day because her makeup was fresh; her skin powdered till it was almost white, the black lashes a stark contrast to her paleness. Her hair was done up — stiff and hairsprayed and hard.

Not thinking of anything in particular, she drove. Looking but not seeing, she was driving to a place that was familiar to her — it was almost a reflex to get there. A signal, a slight right turn. All to travel up the road to the highway, near where she remembered he had lived.

All of the windows had been rolled up. Nothing could be heard but the quiet whine of the car’s engine beneath her. Maybe the radio was on in the background, because she usually liked to listen and hum along to the pop stations when she drove, but if it was, she wasn’t listening. Not even unremarkable thoughts filled her mind. She heard nothing, she thought nothing, she felt nothing. Her face was pallid and her expression blank.

The road that led across the top of the dam had been closed since 9/11. The government had been cautious and closed off any major monuments, like this one, that could cause the colossal wreckage of the towns in the surrounding area. But no one of importance lived there, anyway. No one famous. No one powerful. No one that mattered.

For some reason her passionless driving took her up the winding road of the dam. Pushing through the traffic cones and the fence, the car screeched in protest. Still, she did not waver. She sped up even, the car’s engine straining under her foot on the gas.

She was approaching the dam itself and hurtling toward the side that faced the park. Everything went completely, disconcertingly silent. The engine couldn’t be heard at all. The car crashed through the stone barrier and sailed off the dam. As she flew threw the air she became alive, writhing in a sickening way, holding on to the last threads of her life. Her body went headfirst into the windshield, glass protruding through her torso. The red against the yellow against the white.

Then black.

Eerily beautiful, she represented death in all its horrific glory. She was the Hedda of our time, unfeeling and cold, dressing herself up to make her fall beautiful amidst all the ugliness and pain, and for some reason she had ended up in my head.

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That’s when I woke up. I’m assuming it was somewhere around four in the morning, and I was sweating.

Breathing hard, I lay awake in the dark, terrified at my own dream.

The setting was familiar to me. But she wasn’t — her coldness, her robotic actions and distaste for life.

One of my greatest fears is oblivion; the unknown. What comes after death. It’s something I don’t want to find out, but she didn’t even seem to care. Her only understanding was where she was heading, on the hill where she remembered he had lived. Where I remembered he lived, and that I hadn’t driven up for a long time.

More so, I was scared of the silence.

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Noche

by Gabriella Jorio

I have known the wild vastness of the night in el pueblo When he’s drunk and he’s dangerous and he’s throwing bottles of presidentes against the ground, fingers gliding along grains of glass.

The river is black but I can still see curious lurking alligators waiting for a fix of sweet blood, and everyone can see the moon dancing on their green skin.

I have known the wild nature of the horses in the pastures who cry Because headlights are blinding when the road is lost at night — A Haitian angel came to me in my dreams last night and told me, Whatever you do in this world will be measured by the moon — A glowing ball, a reminder that you are still young and this is not love.

I have known the melancholy of the empanada man as he serves loud teenagers, Niños relájense, la noche esta joven But they still dance wildly so their bodies can taste the crisp 4 a.m. air that smells like salt and smoke and the desire to be loved and Blue is the color of my dreams.

I have known the loudness of my mother as she grabs me to dance Bachata because I’m not a real Dominicana if I can’t sway my hips.

I have seen the blackness of blue waters, The white moon reflects as a reminder that Love exists more when we can’t see The face of a blue-eyed boy whose eyes have turned red with fire.

Prose & Cons

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Satirical articles threatening the magazine’s credibility since 1856.

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DUST. SAWDUST. SAWDUS

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A Bread Bowl Filled With Betrayal

Homeless man outraged when free meal contained gluten

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Derek Marinaro, Contributing Writer

nsensitivity from a Panera Bread restaurant in Waterbury, Connecticut has one man outraged this past weekend.

Sal Laeck, a man from the surrounding area was spotted wandering around the Imperial Chinese Buffet parking lot, a competing neighbor of Panera Bread, on one of the city’s busiest roads. When Panera workers approached Laeck, who they presumed to be a homeless man, and asked him if he would like a free meal courtesy of the restaurant, he was thrilled.

“I hadn’t had a warm meal in a while,” Laeck describes, “and when they asked me if I’d like a free meal to help me out, I couldn’t say no. I was so grateful, I thought, ‘Mama was right, there are still some good people out there.’”

All that glitters is not gold. Upon arrival, Laeck was furious. “I walked in there and all I saw was bread. Bread here, bread there, bread instead of bowls,” Laeck describes in a Seussical tone. “I’m surprised the

toilet wasn’t a bread bowl.” He continued to describe the incident: “I thought, ‘How dare you? Are you people trying to poison me with your trash? Do you know how bad gluten even is for you?’” Clearly they did not. Larissa Fey, a Panera veteran manager of three years described the incident as “shocking” and “totally unexpected” and “what the hell is a gluten?”

Just as the incident occurred, a league of middle-aged moms from the Weight Watchers clinic next door came into the restaurant and were horrified that this man didn’t eat bread.

Kathy O’Connor, who describes herself as “just your average gal trying to get her life back together,” said that she “couldn’t believe that someone would refuse bread.”

O’Connor explains, “I’ve been at Weight Watchers for years. Not continuously but still. And every time I see Panera do you know what I want to do? I want to take my four-year-old son and throw him through the glass window and steal all of Panera’s bread. If that’s not what you believe in fine,

Too Chill to Chop

just don’t rub your sick dietary lifestyle in my face.”

Laeck said that while he’s gluten-free, “but not in the Celiac kind of way,” that he’s still horrified at the backlash he receives when he tells people about his condition. “I just want to live my life and if you people followed me you wouldn’t have to coerce yourselves into going back to Weight Watchers every other month.” Laeck allegedly screamed at fellow customers and subsequent havoc broke loose in the restaurant. Following the outburst, O’Connor reportedly distracted Laeck and store employees while fellow moms reportedly stole all of the store’s bread and ran off, leaving their children and their diets behind.

After phoning the police to break up the pair, Fey, although slightly surprised, described the situation as “just another typical day at the restaurant.” __________________________________________ Derek Marinaro is a sophomore exploratory major who now has a serious craving for cheddar and broccoli soup. Email him at dmarina1@ithaca.edu.

McDonald’s cashier wins after forgetting every mystery basket ingredient

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Rachel Mucha, Staff Writer school of any kind. In fact, Edmund was a cashier — not even a fry cook — at a local McDonald’s. When the judges were told of this blatant mistake, judge Aarón Sánchez punched host Ted Allen to blow off some steam, Marc Murphy looked off in the distance haughtily and said nothing, and Scott Conant nearly spit out his vodka.

However, the producers and contestants allowed Ramen to compete, assuming he would be the first easy out.

Round One: Wonton skins, Napa cabbage, American cheese, vodka “I don’t remember putting vodka in the mystery basket,” producer Ken Smith reportedly said. Conant looked down at the table guiltily. The contestants got to work, frantically running around the kitchen.

Well, almost all of them. Ramen seemed to be taking a different approach. He stood unmoving at his station for quite some time before dashing to the fridge for eggs.

When it came time for the critiques, the other three were up first.

“You call this an egg roll?!” Sánchez said to the first chef. Murphy said nothing of the second chef’s dish.

“This sesame chicken salad dressing doesn’t have enough vodka!” Conant shouted to the third chef. When it came time for Ramen’s dish, the judges and Allen were both confused at what was in front of them: scrambled eggs and ham.

“Chef Edmund,” Allen said. “Did you not use any of the mystery basket ingredients?”

Before Ramen could interject, Conant exclaimed that there was “most definitely” vodka in the eggs and voiced his approval of the dish. Sánchez said they were the best eggs he’s ever tasted and Marc even managed a smile. The other contestants, who had followed the rules and used the ingredients, were dumbfounded. It was at this moment the judges declared the competition over; Ramen was the clear winner. They awarded him the $10,000 and Conant even asked him for his recipe.

The other three contestants declined to comment. _________________________________________ Rachel Mucha is a sophomore journalism major who would like to see you on the chopping block...if you know what I mean.

Email her at rmucha1@ithaca.edu.

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he Chopped kitchen is not for the faint of heart. Tears are shed, dreams are crushed, fingers are hastily sliced off and that timer just keeps counting down. In a reported season one episode of the Food Network sensation that never aired, one contestant died, yet the clock was never stopped. In fact, the competition carried on as usual and the judges even critiqued what little food the chef had already prepared, attacking his poor presentation skills and the large amounts of blood in the dish. This is not unusual; the judges are known to be ruthless.

It was under these circumstances that four contestants embarked on the journey that would change their lives forever... or as much as $10,000 before taxes could change one’s life. The first three contestants were all professional chefs who went to culinary school and owned restaurants; very respectable, deserving people. The fourth contestant was somewhat of an underdog.

Edmund Ramen had no professional experience and did not attend cooking

It’s Finally Here!

After numerous suggestions and complaints, we at Eatable Basket Creations will soon be catering to a broader variety of customers.

We are officially announcing that in 2015 we will be offering new options to choose from including, vegan and cannibal products.

Vegans fronted the debate against us by declaring that fruit was not healthy enough for them.

Eatable Basket Creations has since allocated thousands of dollars into the research and implementation of vegan options.

We do expect a negative budget this quarter followed by a steep and steady increase in profits once the products roll out next quarter and as the vegan population grows uncontrollably and uncomfortably.

The other new addition that we will be implementing next year is cannibalistic options.

We pride ourself on invention, investment and imagination.

Human rights activists were up in arms about our decision to incorporate human parts into our products, however, they were easily put down since the act of cannibalism is technically considered legal in

Eatable Basket Creations

all 50 states, the District of Columbia, and Puerto Rico.

The acquisition of human extremities appears to be the difficult part for the company.

Donations will be graciously accepted.

In order to accommodate the cannibalistic market, we have hired numerous Korowai tribesmen to instruct salesmen and arrangement developers.

The expertise they bring perfectly complements the Eatable Basket Creations brand and we expect their integration into our system to be seamless, with no disruption in services.

They are beautiful and delicious, and they create a “WOW” moment for anyone who receives them.

BUZZSAW: The Edible Issue

It's the perfect way to celebrate all that is good in life.

Vegan

Please return this tear off with your order.

Crunchy Granola Num-Nums

Cannibal

Crunchy Bone-In Finger Munchies

Assorted Kale Smoothie Packets

Assorted Blood Type Boosters

Build Your Own Tofu Wiener

Cut off Your Own Wiener Michael Villaini, Contributing Writer

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It’s Cannabutter, Y’all!

Paula Deen makes a comeback with line of edibles

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Lizzy Rosenberg, Staff Writer

AVANNAH, Georgia Beloved resident and renowned butterenthusiast,Paula Deen, is making an extremely questionable comeback in her gastronomic career.

In upcoming months, Deen will be introducing her brand new organic line of marijuana edibles, Deen’s Dope Delights.

Deen had ostensibly started seeing a psychiatrist after her inappropriately racy allegations were broadcast worldwide. Showing obvious signs of sadness and stress, her doctor, who has requested to remain anonymous, recommended medical marijuana to her, for soothing her nerves.We were able to speak with a titillated fan, Layla Flowers, who had heard about Deen’s new creations early on.

Flowers contacted Deen promptly, and Deen was so flattered she still had an admirer that she allowed Layla to taste her newly baked edibles before their official release. Buzzsaw reporters had substantial difficulty deciphering Layla’s outdated and free-

spirited hippie lingo for feedback, but we were, however, able to make out that Deen’s new goodies are “far-out” and “mad dank.”

On a different note, Deen’s son, Bobby Deen, felt rather differently about her unique new line of products.

“I understand she was depressed about cutting ties with the Food Network, but I never thought she would turn to DRUGS.” Other family members of Deen, however, are very excited about her life decision. 5-year-old grandson, Jack Deen, was thrilled about his grandmother’s new image and her new “vibes.”

“Granny has been extra silly lately, and she looks like she’s gonn’ pop!

She just eats, and eats and eats!”

Paula was, in fact, recognizably cheerier from the last time we spoke to her. Upon walking into her Georgia home, wafts of marijuana and chocolate chips enticed the senses of Buzzsaw reporters. Deen was baking a batch of her “kooky cookies,” and her glazed-over blue eyes were wide, beaming in the Georgia sunlight.

“I didn’t see it coming, but yummy pot treats were the best creation I have yet to make,” Deen ogled. “It’s like a baby was born from my two passions: Mary-Jane and baking!”

Deen’s Dope Delights already include cookies, brownies, pies and truffles, but Deen speaks of plans for doing birthday and wedding cakes cakes.

She is most excited, however, about creating her own line of her favorite food, THC-infused butter.

Deen’s Dope Delights will only be sold in select stores in favorable states where medical marijuana is legal. Products will only be sold to those 18 and up with a valid I.D. Over-consumption of the product may result in a lactose coma from obscene amounts of butter, obesity and perpetual laziness. ______________________________________ Lizzy Rosenberg is a junior integrated marketing and communications major who needs to fly over to Georgia for... stuff. Email her at erosenb3@ithaca.edu

Soy Fotosintesis

Vegan’s swear off all food because plants breathe too

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message of animal and plant safety comes across efficiently. Soy tells us, “We are trying to adapt as many individuals to this new method starting with vegetarians. After all, they’re already halfway there!”

Small groups of vegan students have been walking around promoting their practices to other students by pointing out turkey sandwiches and beef breath so other students will have an easier time identifying where they’re going wrong, watching in disgust as students make their way over to the salad station or invest in meals from the Kosher kitchen. These vegans have even brought their ways into the commons as they began a protest outside vegetarian restaurants, with their specialized salads topped with cheese and various fruits. “Fruits are plant ovaries”, mentioned Soy.

“Eating fruit is basically setting up plant life for extinction as humans indulge in their reproductive organs.”

Vegans have even started to plant vegetable gardens around campus, but for “looking only”.

“If other students see that plants are just like humans, then maybe fewer individuals will view these harmless vegetables as food.”

If you have any difficulties finding a member or feel shy or embarrassed to ask about their vegan status, don’t worry; the first time you make eye contact with them, they will have an answer for all of your questions. _____________________________________ Emma Taubenfeld is a freshman art major who obtains her nutrients exclusively through sticking it to the man. Email her at etaubenfeld@ithaca. edu.

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Sawdust

recent study has shown that a large influx of vegans have been eliminating all food from their diet in effort to keep plants alive. Buzzsaw met with strict vegan, 20 year-old Kaley Soy, a local student so she can tell us about the new and improved directions vegans are now taking and their methods in converting others to their selfless practices.

“Plants breathe too”, states Soy. “Your salad was gruesomely murdered by a man with a knife.”

These abrupt dietary changes were not easy according to Soy. “I had to empty my fridge of all my tofu and kale when I found out these products we call ‘food’ come from the ground.”

Vegans are trying to get as many people on board as possible so the

Brains Not Grains Rise in cannibalism attributed to NBC show Jackie Kazin, Contributing Writer

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he true mark of a successful television show is determined by its fandom’s dedication.

NBC’s Hannibal can rightfully claim the hit series status. Moving beyond typical fandom activities such as writing fan fiction and making fanart, their devotion includes indulging in main character Hannibal Lecter’s chosen pastime themselves: cannibalism.

The show follows classic structures: hiring unknown but ridiculously attractive stars, creating a season of only 13 episodes and including one supposedly heterosexual man commenting on another’s scent of aftershave.

According to a new report, homicide rates have increased by at least 30 percent in more than 40 states since May, when the second season of Hannibal wrapped up. This is up by 20 percent since June of last year and may be due to the cliffhanger ending

of season two.

Stephanie Starving, who was convicted back in July for the murder of three neighbors, plead guilty and the transcript of the case includes proud declarations of her attention to detail.

“Each of the murders was just like one of Hannibal’s from the show,” Starving said. “My only regret is that I didn’t have time to make the pot pie. Mrs. Sapid’s fillet had been marinating for days, too.”

Though Starving has become victim to a confused society that leaves her dedication underappreciated, she said that she does not feel alone.

She explained that she receives several letters from fellow Fannibals containing fan fiction and theories every day.

These Fannibals will congregate in December for a fan-run convention.

Events the history of Hannibal across media and a course on human meat preparation and consumption.

The idea of the convention originated from Tumblr user mikkelikeafannibalandrun, known also by the name “Julia” “We’ve contacted Hugh Dancy, Mads Mikkelsen and Laurence Fishburne through excessive tweets and Facebook comments about possibly attending the event,” Julia said. “I’m optimistic. As we get closer to the event, I’m sure they’ll be more than happy to come see the fans.”

When asked if there were plans on contacting any of the female cast members, there was no response.

However, three hours later Charleston posted an essay on the uselessness of the female roles in the show, especially how Alana undermines the romance between Hannibal and Will. ____________________________________ Jackie Kazim is a freshman Film, Photo & Visual Arts major who enjoys eating [chicken] liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti. Email her at jkazim@ithaca.edu

Sit Back, Re-Lax, and Enjoy Your Flight Genius prankster leaves laxative brownies for flyers Alex Bingham, Contributing Writer

BUZZSAW: The Edible Issue

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elta Airlines employees were in a state of confusion during a Monday morning red-eye flight as rampant use of the plane’s restroom increased exponentially. Officer Bob Willis, a federal air marshal, was one of the first to investigate the issue. “I was sitting in a seat near the back of the plane, keeping an eye on things, when all of a sudden I heard concerning noises, which I gathered to be a threat to security, coming from the small restroom near my seat. Upon investigating the restroom, I only found an unfortunately lax passenger on the toilet, and I turned around to see that many of the other passengers had formed a line, and they all looked very uncomfortable, shifting their weight back and forth,” Willis said back on the ground at Newark Airport, New Jersey.

Johnny Waters, a young passenger, who appeared to be on his own “redeye flight” was very confused as to what had happened aboard his flight.

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“I don’t know man, maybe it was something I ate. I had, like, four … no, five .... no, definitely four of those brownies that hot stewardess was bringing around. But it’s like, really weird that all of a sudden there were a whole bunch of us who just couldn’t stop shitting,” Waters, 19, said in a sedated tone. Newark security officials sent one of the brownies from the flight to a lab and found large amounts of the laxative Ex-Lax in it.

During the flight, a stewardess was handing out complimentary brownies to the passengers. When asked about the brownies, the stewardess, Julia Borden, explained that it is typically her coworker’s job to bake the brownies and prepare them for the passengers.

“Last night was kind of weird. Bill handed me a tray of brownies, said that he wouldn’t be going today as he didn’t feel well, and then left. It was all very strange. He seemed kind of shifty.” Security officers decided to check out the now empty tray once the flight landed. It was then that they found a note under the empty

brownie platter that read simply, “Best wishes, SHATner,” in barely legible writing.

On Tuesday morning, police officers arrived at the airport and got Schaefer’s address from the plane’s record. Upon arriving at the address, the officers could smell a delicious, chocolatey scent emanating from the house. They stormed into the kitchen, the contents of which included a small oven and several empty boxes of Ex-Lax stacked in the corner. The police quickly apprehended Schaefer, who was pulling out a freshly baked tray of brownies while wearing a “Kiss the Cook” apron, and he was brought in for questioning. It is believed at this point that the Ex-Lax epidemic was a metaphor for the quality of the airline. ____________________________________ Alex Bingham is a freshman Health Sciences and Human Performance pre professional major who has seen that one episode of That 70’s Show one too many times. Email him at abingham@ ithaca.edu.

Fortified with Bullshit Scientific community still unsure what antioxidants are Timothy Chappell, Contributing Writer

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called an emergency meeting. This past Tuesday, every scientist in the world flocked to the secret science center in the hollow core of the earth.

The meeting began, as always, with the singing of the song of their people, Tom Lehrer’s “The Elements,” and with the sacrifice of a creationist to their God-King, Bill Nye, who then addressed the scientists.

“My fellow scientists, it appears that the jig is up,” Bill Nye said in between mouthfuls of creationist heart. “We, as a community, can no longer convincingly pretend to have even the faintest idea of what an antioxidant is. The lack of evidence is too substantial, the data too nonexistent, the facts too made-up. It is a sad day, but the era of pretending to know what is going on must come to an end. I am actually surprised, though, that we were able to keep it up this long. We must go now into the world and admit our ignorance. It is imperative, though, that you keep pretending to know how planes and helicopters work.”

When asked what gluten is, Smith replied, “Oh wait, I know this one. It’s like bread and shit.” ____________________________________ Timothy Chappell is a freshman writing major who knows the secret to weight loss doctors don’t want you to know! Email him at tchappell@ithaca. edu.

Comic online!

Check out Claire McClusky’s art at buzzsamag.org

it rains every damn year for Applefest Rachel Maus, Sawdust Editor

Monday: “Forecast lookin’ good this whole week! Should be a nice weekend for Applefest!”

Wednesday: “Oh wow this whole week has been super nice! I can’t wait for Applefest this weekend!!”

Friday: “Oh my gosh it’s so sunny for the first day of Applefest, this is amazing! Finally I’m going to remain dry this year!”

Then Saturday Mother Nature is just like LOL NO. Every. Damn. Year.

Okay, it’s bad enough that the 50year construction project forces the streets of Ithaca into a complete state of confusion and detours, but at least we can plan for that. We can adjust, adapt and overcome. Ithaca is no stranger to construction. My freshman year, I didn’t even know about the Clinton Street Bridge because it was such a scene. It was the most pleasant of surprises when it opened, and I realized I didn’t have to go around the entire commons just to get back up to campus.

But this damn weather. I get it, I chose to go to a school in this miserable gray hellhole (and I mean that in the most loving way possible).

But if we’re going to have all these awesome outdoor festivities, perhaps we can consider a rain date or something? Because this seems to happen quite a lot. All I want to do is eat my Apple Crisp (shoutout to Madeline’s for stepping up with some bomb-ass crisp in the absence of Purity) without having to worry about it becoming apple stew from the rain dripping down my face.

And before you say, “Well what do you expect anyone to do about it? You can’t control the weather!”

Yes, thank you Sherlock for that astounding deduction. We cannot control the weather. What we can do though is build a giant clear hipster umbrella that we can place over the city during various fests and there you go, problem solved. #sawdustout.

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hile conducting research for an article relating to blueberry fetishes, reporter Bill Bowler stumbled upon an interesting secret. In an interview with certified scientist Barry Smith, Ph.D., Bowler realized that the nutritional expert had no idea what an antioxidant was.

“Antioxidants are substances found in many common foods such as cranberries, blueberries, bananas, pineapples, asparagus, pecans, okra, cinnamon, strawberry-flavored Greek yogurt, horse liver, cuttlefish, shoe polish and certain types of cacti,” Smith said. “Antioxidants help to boost your immune system by destroying free radicals, which are tiny oxygen molecules in your blood.”

Smith offered no rebuttal when confronted by the fact that oxygen is beneficial to the human body and instead lost all expression in his face and stared into the reporter’s eyes while humming. After being asked if he could clarify exactly what an antioxidant is, Smith stated, “Antioxidants boost your immune system.” When it was pointed out that this was not a real answer to the question, Smith began to sway in his chair and denied the validity of the reporter’s claims. Upon further questioning, Smith began to interrupt all further questions by shouting buzzwords such as, “immune boost,” “metabolism,” and “beta carotene,” rendering any further interview impossible.

When Bowler asked other scientists what an antioxidant is, he received equally puzzling answers.

One interviewed scientist told him, “Well ‘anti’ means ‘not,’ ‘oxi’ refers to clean, and ‘dant’ is a contraction of the common phrase ‘dat ant;’ so an antioxidant is a dirty arthropod.”

Another scientist replied, “They’re microscopic blueberries that feed the tiny men that operate your body.”

As the news that literally nobody knew what an antioxidant was then spread across the internet with the help of several compelling Upworthy videos, thousands asked, “Why the fuck have I been buying cranberry juice then?” In response to the minor public outrage, the world’s scientists

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Buzzsaw Asks Why...

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BUZZSAW: The Edible Issue