The Anti-Anthology By Sheridan P.
Anti-Ode to Poetry http://vocaroo.com/i/s1RH1ohUWZ2X
Some say poetry expresses colorful emotions. Some say poetry is fascinating But me? No. Poetry irritates me. Poetry makes my skin crawl. It bugs me. It burns. It itches.
How come people can’t just read a novel? Novels are fascinating Novels express those colorful emotions They’re lengthy! They take time to read! Poems are done as soon as they’re started. After all, they’re only a few lines long. Poems are short. Poems are boring and bland. Poems convey too much of that colorful emotion. They tend to get sappy after a while. Well, this concludes my rant about poetry
Oh wait-my world just changed THIS IS A POEM!!! It itches. It burns. It’s making my skin crawl. It’s bugging me. I can’t believe I just wrote this. I suppose I have been a little bit harsh on poetry. I guess it’s time to ask myself what a poem can do that a novel can’t.
I’m thinking. Still thinking. We’ll be here till Christmas at this rate. And for your information, it’s the middle of September. Alright. I thought of something. It’s just the newer poetry that irks me. Classic poetry is actually pretty good. Think of Robert Frost. He was a good poet. The Road Not Taken. That’s a descriptive poem with good diction and poetic devices. Think of Dr. Seuss. He was a good poet. He wrote funny poems. But these other poems? The one about the dog who ate homework? The one about Dankee Yoodle Dandy? Those are gross. They’re disgusting. I can’t stand to think about them. They convey no meaning whatsoever. What’s the point of a pointless poem? To entertain? To be funny? Well, they’re not entertaining or funny. At least not to me. Maybe they are to you.
Dreary Autumn Days http://vocaroo.com/i/s0OwigFKZlfT
It’s a dreary day; In the middle of fall. It’s cold and wet; And I’m at school. These days are the worst. They’re cloudy, and gray, and dreary. Some people say that these days are cozy; Others say that these days make you feel happy. But me? No. I feel cold and sad on these days. I want to spend all day at home. I look out the window As the chilling rain falls down.
The Printer
http://vocaroo.com/i/s0cqkZZVJMaN
The printer. Taking documents in, spitting papers out. Documents in, papers out. Day in, day out. Until… It breaks. It jams. Someone has to come fix it. Need to print some homework for Language Arts? You click Print. You walk to the printer. You type in your number. REJECTED! The printer’s jammed. Need to print something for History? REJECTED! The printer doesn’t have any ink. Got some Science work to print? REJECTED! No paper! Got a World Language project due? No you don’t. You just got REJECTED! The printer never works. It’s always jammed. Or your document isn’t ready to print. Or the ink smears.
The printer’s a monster. It’s intelligent.
It will always find a way to reject you. You keep looking over your shoulder thinking that the printer is stalking you.
Let’s say you have done all your homework, but you’re about to print an assignment. You are about to click “Print” when your power goes out. You figure you can print it at school. Then you realize that the printer never works. The printer haunts your dreams. You can’t sleep. You’re constantly worrying about the printer. You get to school the next morning. Your eyes are red. You yawn once every five minutes. You even fall asleep in class one time! Just because of that monstrous printer.
You go to print that document at break. Everything goes well until… REJECTED! The printer jams! Your paper is hanging out the printer with three lines visible. You faint on the spot. You crack your skull over the floor and have to be rushed to a hospital. You get surgery. Then you spend the next two weeks at home. Finally, that ten-thousand dollar medical bill comes in the mail; All because of that monstrous printer.
Works Cited Pearl, Nancy. Nancy Pearl. N.p., 2 Jan. 2014. Web. 2 Oct. 2014. <http://nancypearl.com/wpcontent/uploads/2012/12/book-stack.gif>. "Color on a Dreary Day." Weather Wunderground. The Weather Channel, 18 Oct. 2006. Web. 06 Oct. 2014. <http://www.wunderground.com/wximage/viewsingleimage.html?mode=singleimage&handle=g emini&number=1038>. "Office Equipment/Copiers/Printers/Wide Format Supplies/ XBE Inc./Electric Blueprint & Supply Company." Office Equipment/Copiers/Printers/Wide Format Supplies/ XBE Inc./Electric Blueprint & Supply Company. XBE, Inc., n.d. Web. 06 Oct. 2014. <http://www.xbeinc.com/>. Tranmer, Ron. Ron Tranmer Poetry. N.p., 2011. Web. 6 Oct. 2014. <http://www.rontranmer.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/poetry3.jpg>.