NO ROAD Doodle Edition
INTRODUCTION Hello.
The main idea of this publication is to declutter old drawings that I keep in my room and that have sentimental value. I kept them as a memory of the progress of my style and for future inspiration, but I would never reach to them when I needed it.
In December 2017, it started an extreme period of sadness – I cried almost every day. This feeling is still present, happily I searched for medical help and started light antidepressants. Now I cry at least once a week.
As an idea to surpass this lost sensation, I decided to look for inspiration and motivation through organizing myself. To find myself in the middle of the mess - both physical and mental. I don’t feel satisfied with the role I play on the world and I would like to change that, it is the solution I found.
To being in this journey, I read ‘The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing’ by Marie Kondo, it was the kickstarter. I selected some items and gave them away, because they weren’t useful anymore.
Then I found out more about this trend, minimalism and some youtubers that lived a minimal life – not necessary minimalists. Videos which involved me in being creative again. I didn’t let go of it, but I was without energy to create. I am tired and desire to change.
I always wanted to share my work in an uncommon way and enjoyed this medium. I didn’t transform any of the old drawings, I do not want to create in the past and just recycle ideas. I appreciate them yet and I would like to share them, they were important.
NOTES 2013 – Camilla and Sammy from Ask the Dust by John Fante.
2014 – Testing out the new paper I bought for watercolor.
2013 – In school, I have a coat that I thought was smelly.
2014 – When I was at my last school year, I had some paper at my desk to distract myself and draw when my internet didn’t work.
2014 – When I was watching Motorcity, I liked the aesthetic.
Brother Silence from City of Bones by Cassandra Clare: I was terrified and amazed by their concept, I really wanted to draw them.
Playing with mixed media.
2013 – A distracting during practice of a school project (part one and two).
On an earlier birthday, I own a notebook by Faber Castell just for fashion drawing. And I made some copies, so I could draw more of them.
A fashion drawing, I copied from a magazine.
I learned to draw manga style with my best friend, she was obsessed with anime and manga at that time.
2017 – Doodles during class
2016 - Doodles during class
2015 – First drawing in college.
2014 – At literature classes, I distracted myself drawing, but still listening. Still a Motorcity aesthetic. Also, self-portraits.
2015 – @Frannerd doodles.
2015 - Fernanda Torquato inspiration drawing.
2014 – Drawing during Physics classes.
2015 – Drawing during Economy classes in college.
2013 – Steven Universe fanart, my gems ideas.
2014 – More drawing during literature classes. I think that time I watched Drive with Ryan Gosling. (part one and two)
Mermaid doodles.
A dream: I was Ginny Weasley waiting for Harry Potter to show up at the dance. At first just watching couples dance and suddenly my partner shows up. I was inspired by @Burdge.
As a form to express myself, I created a short story to tell about my last days from summer vacations in 2011. In February of 2012, I was going to my first year of high school.
In the past year, I went through a turbulent period at elementary school, when I had few friends and suffered from bullying from my classmates. My best friend studied in the afternoon and we didn’t have so much contact because ours schedules didn’t match. I felt alone.
In most of school projects, I wasn’t included in groups. At break, I read. I didn’t have desire to go to school and even when reporting to the teacher about my situation – I sat near people who hurt me – I had to endure more weeks sitting next to them. When the seats changed, it wasn’t different. I didn’t feel comfortable being there and I didn’t want to be there. In projects, people used me to do their work in most of the teams. I preferred to work alone.
I didn’t have expectations about feeling better at the transition – elementary to high school. But at least I was happy that group projects weren’t a thing anymore, later I was mistaken. My best friend came back to studying with me and I made other friends.
On that summer, I discovered tv shows and content different that other people around me knew. I found people on internet that shared the same tastes. I spent a lot of my time on tumblr and I had started to watch different movies – they are popular, but I didn’t know them. I watched Doctor Who and listened to indie music. I accepted myself as an unusual and I liked to be like that.
Now I understand I was a common student and teenager. I was not special because of listening to other music or watching different tv shows. But I felt included later from a long time.
Knowing how you actually want to feel is the most potent form of clarity that you can have. Generating those feelings is the most powerfully creative thing you can do with your life. -Danielle Laporte
30 Day Monster Girl Challenge List 1. Harpy 2. Centaur 3. Slime 4. Naga 5. Mermaid 6. Spider Girl 7. Plant Girl 8. Octomaid 9. Demon 10. Succubus 11. True Monster 12. Zombie 13. Insect Girl 14. Dullahan 15. Dragon/Reptile Girl 16. Ghost 17. Robot 18. Alien 19. Cyclops 20. Satyr 21. Canine Girl 22. Feline Girl 23. YĹ?kai 24. Multiple Limbs 25. Favorite Monster Girl 26. Favorite Monster Girl Character 27. A Truly Gruesome Girl 28. A Group of Monster Girls Together 29. A Monster Girl and Her Significant Other 30. Celebrate Monster Girls!
FINAL NOTES I am working on a balance. I still feel sad most of the time. This is my last year in college and I am worried about the future.
I am living with low expectations one day at a time. It is a long process, but I have the desire and will to change. I am doing what it is possible now, it is difficult.
I feel anxious and stressed out; my comfort is crying and sleeping. I am trying my best and one day I will be satisfied again.
I do not know why all this sadness came to me. and all the reasons that affects me.
I am writing. I am creating. I am trying.
It takes time.
THANK YOU!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
I am a reader. I am an artist. I am a writer. I am a student. I am a woman. I am a feminist. I am creative. I am lost. I am tired. I am Carolina.
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