Racism

How to Talk to Your Children About Race and Racism

TARA BONE contributing writer

TALKING ABOUT RACE and racism with children can be difficult. Some parents avoid the topic altogether, and some assume racism in Cache Valley doesn’t exist, while other parents — especially those who have encountered racism themselves — have no choice but to have those tough talks.

Children and teens around the country, including here in Cache Valley, have questions and concerns following the intense and often violent protests of last summer. They can’t help but see, hear, and read — often on endless social media feeds — the voices of protest. In today’s interconnected world, discussions about race, diversity, and inclusion have never been more important. But it can seem overwhelming: Where does a parent or caregiver start?

Fortunately, Dr. Melanie Domenech Rodríguez from the Department of Psychology in the College of Education and Human Services at Utah State University (USU) has been researching the topic for 20 years and works with parent groups on campus, teaching a variety of parenting skills. She also conducts diversity training and teaches multicultural and diversity psychology courses.

Melanie, who prefers Melanie to “Dr.,” grew up in Puerto Rico and now lives in River Heights. She has two children whom she says keep her humble and honest and are “great companions in life’s journey.” Melanie is pleased to see a renewed desire among parents to talk to their children about race. Although she says she doesn’t have all the answers, she does have tips for parents and believes this is a critical parenting topic.

“Parents are concerned and it’s a beautiful thing to have parents wanting to have conversations about race,” Melanie said. “The reality of the world is that people come in all sorts of sizes, shapes, and skin tones. People around the world have different hair texture and facial and body features. We live in a global economy. We live in a global social world. Teaching our children about race, ethnicity, and culture is preparing them to be members of a global society. To the degree that our children are able to navigate skillfully between context and have some depth of understanding of the wide variety of human experiences, they will be better equipped to understand their own humanity and to walk in the world as bridgebuilders and collaborators.”

According to Melanie, there are two points to remember when talking with children about race, ethnicity, and culture.

Quart of soup and loaf of bread for $7.99

Regular price $9.49. Oer expires November 1, 2020.

CHECK US OUT AT ONE OF OUR THREE CACHE VALLEY LOCATIONS!

78 E 400 N, Logan • (435) 753-6463 | 981 S Main Suite D, Logan • (435) 755-0262 10 South Main, Smithfield • (435) 799-3850

Books that teach about race and diversity, recommended by Melanie Domenech Rodriguez, PhD, from USU and Jeana Wolfley Haymond, a Utah native who currently works as the Children’s Librarian at the Brooklyn Public Library. See more book recommendations at cachevalleyfamilymagazine.com.

For young children The Snowy Day, by Ezra Jack Keats A picture book about Peter, an African American boy, who explores his neighborhood after the season’s first snowfall.

Red: A Crayon’s Story, by Michael Hall Red's factory-applied label clearly says that he is red, but despite the best efforts of his teacher, fellow crayons and art supplies, and family members, he cannot seem to do anything right until a new friend offers a fresh perspective.

The Day You Begin, by Jacqueline Woodson Other students laugh when Rigoberto, an immigrant from Venezuela, introduces himself but later he meets Angelina and discovers that he is not the only one who feels like an outsider.

For middle-grade and older children Esperanza Rising, by Pam Munoz Ryan Esperanza and her mother are forced to leave their life of wealth and privilege in Mexico to go work in the labor camps of Southern California where they must adapt to the harsh circumstances facing Mexican farm workers on the eve of the Great Depression.

The House That Lou Built, by Mae Respicio Lou Bulosan-Nelson is going to build her dream. Lou has a talent for woodshop class and creating projects, and plans to build a tiny house, 100 square feet, all her own, on land that she inherited from her dad. This heartwarming coming-of-age story explores culture and family, forgiveness, and friendship, and what makes a house a true home.

New Kid, by Jerry Craft 7th grader Jordan Banks loves nothing more than drawing cartoons about his life. But instead of sending him to the art school of his dreams, his parents enroll him in a prestigious private school known for its academics, where Jordan is one of the few kids of color in his entire grade. Jordan soon finds himself torn between two worlds — and not really fitting into either one.

Maniac Magee, by Jerry Spinelli A homeless orphan becomes a legend in a town divided by racism in this sometimes funny, sometimes moving, always exciting story. Jeffrey Magee's exploits may have made him famous, but reconciling a town filled with hate and finding a decent life for himself may be more than even he can manage. Raise Your Children to See Color For many years, the idea of “colorblindness,” or ignoring racial and ethnic differences to promote racial harmony, was thought to be effective. But Melanie says research findings do not support the idea; it doesn’t work.

Melanie says context matters. She uses the example of parenting children of different ages and asks, “What if a parent didn’t see age among their children?” A parent will treat a 16 year old differently than a 4 year old when assigning chores and establishing schedules.

Instead, teach children to see and appreciate differences. Melanie says that by doing this children will remain open to cultural differences. She shares an experience she had with her oldest child. While on an airplane, her young daughter noticed the different skin tone of another passenger. Instead of becoming embarrassed by her questions, Melanie used it as an opportunity to talk openly about differences and celebrate them.

Melanie says parents shouldn’t feel that talking about race must be one big, deep conversation or event. Rather, an ongoing dialogue as teaching moments arise.

“Meet children where they’re at, take what they say, and use that as opportunities to normalize (in her daughter’s example) skin tone variations,” Melanie said. “Seize the teachable moments and move on.”

Expose Your Kids to Diversity Melanie encourages parents to try different foods, listen to different languages, and interact with people who are different. But by doing this, individuals must look at “different” in a new way.

“We have been taught to see difference as a deficit,” Melanie said. “But celebrate differences as opportunities for growth and development.”

She says this mindset takes practice to improve and is like a muscle that needs developing. Even adults can grow and develop this mindset, too.

“Teach that when people do things different, it’s not right or wrong; just different,” Melanie said.

There is a large refugee community in Cache Valley and opportunities in recreational sports and other community-sponsored programs that provide opportunities for children to interact with a variety of people. Melanie encourages parents to get kids with similar interests interacting, regardless of race, religion, or culture.

Another important tool for exposing children to diversity is reading books with characters and places that are different from a child’s experience. Books help children experience new people, places, and ideas. Parents can continue a dialogue about race and inclusion that starts in books.

Take a deep breath and have conversations about race and racism. Now is the time to help children develop a sense of empathy, compassion, and tolerance in a world of anger and hurt. As Melanie says, parents have a real opportunity to teach children to “understand their own humanity and to walk in the world as bridgebuilders...”