Caliber Magazine – Issue 6.5

WINTER MINI-ISSUE 2012

INSIDE : Nathan Adrian & Saul Pe rlmutter DIY Fas hion Studen t Advert ising

GOT A GREAT IDEA? Want the world to know?

Share it.

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Caliber Magazine / Winter 2012

STUPID there is no such thing as a

QUESTION. What’s a good diet to lean down but build muscle?

Which dining hall has the best food?

Does Oski have a girlfriend??

What is an easy class at Cal? Where is the best place to study?

Find answers (or give them!) at

calibermag.org/ask calibermag.org

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Caliber Staff

NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS

$

1. Make and meet my own expectations for once.

2. Take more risks.

3. Make everyone more enthusiastic and eager to get involved.

4. Do yoga or meditate at least once a week.

5. Find a job.

6. Enjoy every moment.

7. Stay motivated.

8. Watch every episode of RuPaul’s “Drag Race” with Jeannine.

9. Get a literary agent.

10. Make a smartphone app!

11. Be more weird.

12. Actually floss everyday and stop leaving my clothes on the floor.

13. Overthrow the U.S. government.

14. Work as hard as I can and give back as much as I can.

15. Go to the gym more often.

16. Be able to wake up for my 8 am classes. Everyday.

17. Produce a music video.

18. Put 110% effort into everything that I do. No more half-assing!!

19. Eat less junk food.

20. Focus less on school and more on my actual interests.

21. Learn how to say “no” to people.

22. Keep my grades up and keep the faith strong.

23. F*** my really hot professor and not be an asshole.

24. Learn to be cool.

25. Read for fun.

26. Be nicer to others.

27. Make a short film and perfect my Polish.

28. Get a puppy.

29. Stop biting my nails . . . again, join the running club, stop texting in class.

30. Learn to cook Bo$$ Japanese food.

31. Read more and take more photos of my adventures.

32. Stop hiding my Cal ID, keys and phone in pairs of shoes around my room, then forgetting where I put them. Drink more Gin. 33. Go to Europe, kiss . . . someone, put effort into school.

34. Get off Facebook and have more social experiences.

35. I’m going to not do things at the last minute.

36. Eat dessert once a week instead of every night.

37. Write a poem everyday.

38. Say yes more.

39. Call home more often.

40. Try my hardest to acquire at least 1% of the amount of swag that Kanye West has.

41. Start playing guitar again, sleep at relatively normal hours, love myself more.

42. Actually go to class.

43. Get famous.

44. Actually keep up with my classes.

45. Spend more time at home.

46. Let myself think with a pen in my hand more often.

47. Just let go.

While Caliber is a part of the Associated Students of the University of California at Berkeley, the content of the magazine does not reflect the opinion of the ASUC in any way.

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06 GETTING AROUND: Cars, bikes and public

transit: a breakdown of Berkeley’s preferred transportation.

07 From Gold Medalist to Nobel

Laureate, Caliber talks with Cal Grads: What do Olympic gold medalist Nathan Adrian and Nobel Laureate Saul Perlmutter have in common? A Cal diploma. The famed Golden Bears talk life at Berkeley and beyond.

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10 Sproul Tactics: Amidst the daily storm of

forgettable flyers and swatting students, advertisers seek out new attention-grabbing strategies.

13 SINGLE SERVING TREATS: Hate drowning in leftovers? Learn the secret to baking for one.

15 THE RISE OF Pinterest: Spotlight on the rise of Pinterest, and why it’s oh so addictive.

16 FASHION RENEWAL: Caliber’s do-it-yourself guide to bow ties, studs and patriotic shorts.

18 How to Have Your Cake and Eat it

Too. Literally: Caliberist and fitness aficionado Mark Alshak talks alternative foods, fitness milestones, and losing weight without losing all that is delicious.

20 Did I Really? Cal Bears’ tales of Vitali, incontinence and regret.

22 Living Together: If you can’t handle hair in

the drain or the toilet seat up, you might not be ready for the big move. Find out if your relationship is ready for an upgrade.

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24 History of THE Missionary POSITION: Caliber spotlights the Missionary Position—an inside scoop on its origins and ohhh so perfect perks.

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GETTING AROUND: Cars, Bikes or Public Transportation?

So you need to get around. There is no denying that. Whether it is making the trek from Evans to Mulford or from campus to SF, transportation is a necessity. Ever wonder the best ways to get around Berkeley? Cal students weigh in on the transportation debate.

by Sasha Chebil

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How conscious are you of the environment when choosing a means of transportation?

30%

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I use it

depends on it

40 5 %

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Caliber Magazine / Winter 2012

5

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They see me rollin’, they hatin’.

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I haven’t seen my ID since orientation

%

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35 30 25 inclined to: 10%

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Do you feel like you utilize your bus pass enough?

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Do you think you will bring a car to Berkeley sometime in your college career?

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What is your biggest hesitation in bringing a car to Berkeley?

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35% I’m on a BART.

25%

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No hands!

The wheels on the bus go round and round.

Get a job

QUICK TIPS! BART: Save a few dollars by buying a high value pass of $48 or $64; when commuting every day this mode of transportation can add up.

Bus: Download the NextBus app and never have to wonder when the next 51B will be arriving.

Cars: Need a place to park? Save 25% by buying monthly parking rates instead of spending all your laundry quarters on parking meters.

Bikes: Don’t forget to register your bike with UCPD; you’ll thank us later.

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CAL alumni From Gold Medalist to Nobel Laureate, Caliber talks with Cal Grads Nathan Adrian and Saul Perlmutter

It plays like a movie. “It was one of these beautiful, warm spring days. . . .” For a 21-year-old, fresh from the slush and grey that is a Cambridge, Massachusetts spring, and a 17-year-old Bremerton, Washington native, the view from Berkeley’s hills is anything but familiar. The California sun drifts comfortably behind the Golden Gate, colors streaming across the bay. Indeed, this image is one that both graduates recall immediately when discussing their decision to come to UC Berkeley. The picturesque image came to serve as a backdrop to the tremendous work and talent each would display in the following years. Meet Professor Saul Perlmutter, Ph.D. class of 1985, awarded the Nobel Prize in Physics in 2011, and Nathan Adrian, 2011 graduate and three-time Olympic gold medalist.

Both possess the greatest awards offered in their respective fields, among innumerable others, and each can be called, with pride, a Cal alumnus.

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“But, it is this deep and fundamental sense of curiosity about everything that propels him forward. Curiosity, work, and a bit of self-made luck.”

considering Princeton, Harvard, Stanford and MIT. “California was off the ends of the earth. I didn’t know which was further north, Los Angeles or San Francisco,” he recalls thinking. During a trip to explore the foreign land of California’s coast, he discovered Dr. Richard Muller’s research group at UC Berkeley. Dr. Muller, who would become Perlmutter’s long-term thesis advisor and noted personal mentor, was head of a group tackling just these sorts of fundamental problems. One concept The road to Cal for Perlmutter began they were exploring—that they could use with that which drew him to its programs: supernovae to measure the expansion physics. “I always knew that I was looking of the universe—led to the question, “Is for some part of physics that felt like it the universe going to last forever?” At was deep and fundamental and bordering that moment, explains Perlmutter, “I on the philosophical,” he says. He is had hit exactly the right kind of project I wanted.” Indeed, the Not only is the universe project, which started early on in his research not slowing in expansion, career, would ultimately as previously believed, lead to the discovery: not only is the universe not but it is actively expanding slowing in expansion, as at an accelerating rate. previously believed, but it is actively expanding motivated by the questions that marvel at at an accelerating rate. This finding, “how the world is made, how it works.” which fundamentally contributed to a It is evident in the ease with which he cosmological understanding of the universe, talks about these expansive questions that earned him the Nobel Prize. he has long since reframed the daunting task of understanding as an optimistic, Sitting on the upper floor of LeConte, wonderfully surprising challenge. Following pieces of chalk strewn about, our his graduation, magna cum laude from conversation carries above voices travelling Harvard University, he could have had his down the hall. This buzz of collaboration, pick of graduate schools and was strongly a subtle soundtrack, has carried Perlmutter Professor Perlmutter does a magnificent job hiding his brilliance. The first impression he gives— interested interaction and engaging smiles—holds fast. That a researcher of his caliber could still be so interested in details of student understanding and subjects beyond his immediate academic field seems odd initially. But, it is this deep and fundamental sense of curiosity about everything that propels him forward.

Curiosity, work, and a bit of self-made luck.

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through his time at Lawrence Berkeley National Laboratory and on campus.

This collaborative community taught him “how to approach experiments” and, most importantly, “how to be very can-do about [the ability to] solve these problems.” This can-do spirit emanates from Perlmutter in everything he sets out to accomplish, and carried him through life as a graduate student.

Daily life as a Ph.D. candidate became a delicate balance between grueling problem sets, research, and social excursions that he managed to squeeze in. Perlmutter found time to unwind and go folk dancing or ballroom dancing in San Francisco, play violin in a student orchestra, and sing in the campus choir. Some of his favorite places to grab a meal between orchestra and class included a Chinese restaurant on Durant and Telegraph and a sandwich shop across from Zellerbach, which he, smiling to himself, remembers was just the thing for these in-between activities runs “when you had two dollars in your pocket.”

When work needed to be done, though, Perlmutter explains, “I used to hunt for libraries where I could hide to study.”

Discovering some of these spots led Perlmutter to a library in Moses Hall, the Morrison reading room in Doe Library, and the outdoor study shelters near Bechtel.

A sense of seamlessness becomes apparent as Professor Perlmutter transitions through

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the many stages of his life spent at Berkeley, from student to professor. The most recent transition—from world-class academic to Nobel Laureate—seems in some ways a logical step. The Stockholm ceremony itself, remembers Saul with a laugh, “was like organizing a wedding for sixty people in a foreign city that you don’t know anything about.” He describes that the “whole point of the Nobel Prize” is to “provide more ambassadors to science. . . . People are told to listen to them [Nobel laureates], at least for a brief moment,” and it is up to them to make that moment count. He modestly explains that the prize just “adds an extra

layer of things you’re paying attention to.”

So, the research continues, the long hours remain, and the drive to move forward is not lessened by a sense of finite accomplishment, but instead bolstered by the acknowledgment that this research is making an impact. Societal recognition, though, comes as a distant second to the reward of research itself. Perlmutter’s greatest piece of advice to incoming students runs along the same vein.

when they’re not going well, because they won’t go well. Things always go wrong.

You have to pick yourself up and get the next part to work, and that’s much easier when you’re enthusiastic about what you’re doing. The recommendation is [to], if you can, possibly find something you’re just happy and excited to be working on whether or not it’s going well,” he says.

“You’re not doing it for the pay, or the glory. You have to get a kick out of it.”

“I would hope that people coming in could find projects that will grab them enough that they just enjoy working on them even

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“His light-hearted responses and contagious sense of calm stand in seemingly stark contrast to the rapid fire, quick twitch, world-class sprinter that erupts on the signal of a starting beep.”

Far from the halls of LeConte, I first meet Nathan Adrian in the chlorineperfumed courtyard outside of Spieker Aquatics Center. It is 4 o’clock on a Thursday afternoon. Since the beginning of the week, Adrian has had at least eight training sessions, both in and out of the pool, and remarkably hasn’t collapsed from exhaustion. For a four-time Olympic medalist who won his first individual gold in arguably the most exciting race of London 2012, this schedule is familiar territory. Donning a cap and gown just last May as an honors graduate in Public Health, Adrian assures me that over the last three years his “life has changed a lot.”

“I do enjoy training, and in some respects miss the simple life, just being strictly the student athlete.” That’s right, the “simple life” of somehow juggling public policy papers, biology midterms, national championships, a full practice schedule and personal relationships. “My life at

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Caliber Magazine / Winter 2012

Berkeley was pretty much swimming, academia and social life, in no particular order. I can almost definitively say I couldn’t have done any more . . . and been on the same level that I was academically and swimming.” And certainly, that level has exceeded that which many full-time book worms or full-time swimmers can boast about. But boasting is definitely not one of Adrian’s practiced behaviors.

Given opportunities to exercise his ego, he always chooses a smile and a statement of humble confidence instead. His lighthearted responses and contagious sense of calm stand in seemingly stark contrast to the rapid fire, quick twitch, worldclass sprinter that erupts on the signal of a starting beep. He lets his times in each event—a quantifiable testament to his ability—speak for themselves. And there’s no doubting the declaration his quiet presence makes each time he steps onto the blocks, six and a half feet and all.

Looking back on his time spent here as a student, Adrian reflects, “There was just a culture of excellence in the classroom.

It’s just not acceptable to not try.” He recounts, too, the “accommodating and friendly” nature of his professors: “It’s not easy having athletes in your classes,” with the travelling for dual meets and Pac-10 championships. Quick to work ahead and recover after missed time, his strikingly reasonable approach to studying centered around simple guidelines. “Just don’t be distracted. Just get your work done. Starting to study the night before is just not the way to get it done. If it’s an easy midterm, start studying three or four days before. If it’s a hard one, start studying a week and a half before,” he advises. Favorite study spots included Mudrakers Cafe, Free Speech Movement Cafe and Haas Pavilion. An impeccable ability to compartmentalize his limited time was key to Adrian’s success. Time was allotted for napping before classes, a

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“People want you, people want you for longer. There are way more opportunities, which is great, great, great news,” explains Adrian. “But at the same time, I need to be training.

Nobody’s going to want you if you’re not fast in the water.”

necessary tool rather than a luxury that was needed to keep alert. A snoozing Nathan Adrian might have been found in Morrison Reading room before the nap ban, Haas Pavilion, or any quiet corner, substituting textbooks for pillows.

As a recent graduate, Adrian has advice for the incoming student. “Try to relax and enjoy your time at Cal, because it’ll go quickly, and all you can really ask of yourself is to try your hardest. . . . I think beyond that it’s out of your control,” he admits. Adrian notes how influential his own advisors and mentors have been.

Natalie Coughlin, decorated Olympian and fellow Cal bear, he says, “is just a huge influence. She paved the way for me in so many different ways . . . and is always an open ear for me to ask her questions.” Dave Durden, head coach of the Men’s Swimming program “has been . . . just incredible,” Adrian says. “It really comes out in all of our performances, his passion for all of his athletes.” The aquatics program as a whole, notes Adrian, has “given me so much that I definitely feel responsible in the future to try to give back, to give the experience I’ve had to future generations.” And, of course, his teammates have played a vital role in his development as a swimmer and individual. “That’s my favorite thing—being in the pool, being in the weight room with my best friends, trying to get myself to be better,” he says.

Although Adrian and I sit alone, he carries the team into nearly every anecdote. His favorite dining hall? “We never had a favorite, but we would check the menus before we would go, so we were pretty thoughtful.” Did he frequent sporting events in his spare time? “We would love to.” Memorable Classes? “Physiology and anatomy, because it was so relevant to what we were doing in the pool.” We. A walking motivational poster in the most genuine of ways, he truly displays a “there is no ‘I’ in team” mentality, and does so without thinking twice about it. His ability to connect on a personal level with his teammates shows in his performances in Beijing’s relays and as the anchor in London’s 400 medley relay. Truly, as he puts it, these aren’t just athletes you share time with, these are your friends.

Adrian’s transition out of college has been propelled by far more than a UC Berkeley degree. He has gone through a full-fledged transformation into a household name, an Olympic individual gold medalist, and a widely pronounced American heart throb. Following the London games, “People want you, people want you for longer. There are way more opportunities, which is great, great, great news,” explains Adrian. “But at the same time, I need to be training. Nobody’s going to want you if you’re not fast in the water.” Certainly, though, Adrian is fast in the water, and somebody, seemingly everybody, wants his time, his tweet, a

glance, a photo, a signature, an interview, an event appearance . . . . He offers me his cell phone calendar for a glance at a month in the life. With a cross-country trip nearly every weekend, an international excursion, various outside-of-Berkeley events, on top of Cal-sponsored ones, squeezed into the three by four inch screen representing four weeks, I lose my breath for a moment. “So that’s pretty crazy,” he says knowingly, with a laugh.

“It’s just different. It’s great. It’s a really fun ride.”

~~~ Self-made luck, honed natural ability, and a healthy dissatisfaction with the bounds of each moment, drive Perlmutter and Adrian forward. And they aren’t just edging ahead—they’re moving at a full sprint. Both complete the day’s work just in time for the California sun to make its way behind the Golden Gate . . . and there it drifts down slowly, like a roll of credits at the end of a film.

Among parents and teachers, coaches and friends, there stands UC Berkeley, a school that has given much to both graduates, but to which they give back even more abundantly. With the promise of sunrise, we can all look forward to more performances for many years to come. I, for one, can’t wait to see what happens next. article by Bridget Vaughan photos by Shelby Ashbaugh

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SPROUL tactics Advertising for students While walking through the maze of people that is Sproul Plaza, students focus on only one primary goal: to make it past the overly friendly flyerers and the preaching soap boxers and get to the other side. As a new student, I first delighted in the opportunities that abounded from club members shouting at me to attend their first meeting. But while my enthusiasm seemed to dwindle after a few weeks into the semester, theirs did not. I became an expert of tightlipped smiles. Speed walking towards lecture, Cal students have mastered this daily parade and have become skilled in evading flashes of colorful paper as they apologetically shout that they’re “late for a midterm.” From behind the table, though, Sproul is also the place where Cal students become best friends with

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Caliber Magazine / Winter 2012

a stranger as they promote their own organization. Under all this commotion is a common thread: the fact that college students are a stable demographic for marketers of all types.

a marketing demographic. Naturally, college students are unique individuals, but the similar shared experiences are one of great interest to marketers at college campuses nationwide.

Despite the changing student body itself, college students are a seemingly ideal market group because their concentration and age range remains constant, and often, they’re making decisions as independent consumers for the first time. Although ads have saturated all of Sproul, as well as the luring commercial areas right across Bancroft, they are just as prevalent—even if subtly so—everywhere else. A sneaky but ever present source of ads? AC Transit lines. Whether the students are commuting to school or just walking down Bancroft, it is easy to recognize their appeal as

Not only do businesses and student organizations focus their marketing towards college students, but sustainability and environmental groups, and the university itself, use similar tactics to attract students’ attention. An important aside to note is the effect of all the purposeful advertising on the students’ behaviors.

Dan Ariely, a behavioral economist, explains that sometimes what we believe to be our own decision is influenced by external factors such as advertising. Erin Fenley, a graphic designer who works at UC Berkeley as an Energy Management

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A Study on Sproul, the Analysis of an Ad Spotted on Sproul by GBC, the flyer ironically states “This flyer is obsolete.” At a closer look, the advertisement is essentially advertising a new way to advertise through iPhones. The ad is broken down and analyzed for effectiveness in the following categories: Font choice: Sans serif text. Usually used in headers and small bits of text, it makes a bold statement that college students are more likely to remember and cuts right to the point. Over a blank or simple background, maximum effectiveness is achieved.

Design and amount of text: Minimal. Larger than the other plain print out 8.5 x 11 ads, this ad on a solid black background is guaranteed to be seen yet still has a minimal amount of text for the short attention span of college students. The design is short, simple and easy to understand, not annoyingly cluttered.

Location: Located at eye level location in the bustling Sproul, this prime spot is not on the the student notice boards located to the side but right by the GBC, where Cal students grabbing a quick breakfast walk right past.

Business Logo Placement: Instead plastering the business logo obnoxiously all over the ad, the advertised company occupies a relatively quiet corner on the ad, making it readable but not menacing.corner on the ad, making it readable but not menacing.

Communications Specialist and who has studied Dan Ariely’s research, uses her work in advertising to promote sustainable behavior instead of a tangible product. Targeting the Cal community through the analysis of the behavior of students, faculty and staff, Erin works to promote energy efficiency. “My work can lend towards something good and be valuable to society, as opposed to promoting something I don’t believe in,” Fenley says, displaying the spectrum of the advertising world.

Fenley’s work is just one example of how advertising can shift human behavior and help create awareness to promote certain decisions. In the commercial world of advertising, something as simple as product placement—eye level or within reach—affects what consumers decide to buy. Commercial advertising is part of any society, designed to appeal towards consumers with profit as the ultimate goal.

So, welcome to Marketing to College Students 101: lessons in advertising to college students, pieced together from media group surveys, marketing strategists and first-hand observations on college campuses, plus their realworld connections to Cal.

Rise of New Technology: In this day and age, traditional marketing tactics are largely ineffective at reaching the ever important college student demographic. For example, marketers recognize that students don’t have the time or money to watch television since most programs are found online, so the TV ads that have traditionally played an important role are increasingly obsolete. College students are always on top of new technology, constantly surfing the Internet and now doing so with smartphones.

As a result, companies have begun marketing through alternative means, including using mobile ads and more interactive advertisements that are simple and quirky enough to earn a quick pause and glance. Technology has given way to short attention spans, and ads must now be memorable and accessible to be noticed.

Cal Connection: An advertisement for the Samsung Galaxy 3 was spotted on campus, boasting a male model who looked eerily similar to Cal grad and Olympic swimmer Nathan Adrian. Targeted at those who already own the phone, the print ad includes an interactive feature only accessible to the phone’s owners, causing those without the Galaxy 3 to take notice. The revolutionary technology synthesizes

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| campus with the traditional marketing tactic of brand exclusivity to create a memorable ad.

More Informed: At Berkeley, students are cultured and well-educated. They are aware when marketers are being blatantly manipulative, and as such, they tend to form a general distaste towards those advertisers trying too hard. As this is Berkeley, there is a more favorable response to grassroots movements than to big corporations’ solicitations.

Cal Connection: Spotted by Zellerbach Hall, some thoughtful graffiti berates test prep organizations. On an ad for LSAT prep, some individual has scrawled, “Become a cheat.” Although it is not exactly the reaction the ad was

HOW TO CREATE A

CATCHY FLYER (comic sans not welcome)

HAVE A CLEAR, STRONG FOCUS It could be anything from an eyecatching graphic to noticeable typography.

LOOK FOR INSPIRATION They say that good design is good inspiration. Browse design blogs, Tumblr and Pinterest frequently to rejuvenate your creativity if you have design block.

CHOOSE COLORS WISELY Picking colors that go together well will make your flyer more aesthetically pleasing. There are also resources online that can help you choose color schemes.

TYPOGRAPHY IS IMPORTANT Choosing a serif over a sans-serif font—a font with strokes at the end of each character versus one without— can lend your flyer a completely different mood.

Tips by sophomore Elizabeth Lin, instructor of Innovative Design’s Photoshop and Illustrator DeCal this past fall.

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Caliber Magazine / Winter 2012

going for, the graffiti did make it more noticeable and showed the obvious distaste of a particular individual who had grown tired of the bombardment from prep organizations.

Peer Pressure: We are aware of what others our age are doing and wearing, drinking and using. According to Bruce Horovitz’s article “Marketers get creative targeting hard-to-reach college students” in USA Today, companies are beginning to use student representatives to create awareness and market their online web apps and products instead of some long-graduated corporate member who is out of touch with the college scene. Not only does this give student representatives the opportunity to earn money and experience for their resumes, but also builds trust by using peer-to-peer communication methods.

Cal Connection: Besides the usual “I’ll-get-one-too-because-everyoneelse-has-it” type of peer pressure that is rampant on college campuses, companies also use the power of peers to reach students through student reps here at Cal. Looking on any Berkeley Facebook group would reveal a good number of student representatives from different software or tech companies appealing to get likes for the company page.

The “Poor College Student” Stereotype: Most of the money students spend goes either towards college tuition or a ramennoodle diet. That’s why the promise of free food, water bottles, notebooks— anything—will easily lure any college student. However, when free giveaways don’t meet the need, students are forced to purchase those necessary personal items and supplies for themselves. Often supporting themselves for the first time, students are anxious to be treated like adults when making decisions about where to buy such items. Natasha Singer’s article “On Campus, It’s One Big Commercial” in the New York Times explains how the company who can step in and provide some special

deal or offer hits the perfect combination of adult frugality and fun freebies that a college student cannot resist. With such a pairing, a solid business-consumer relationship forms that can create future loyal customers, and even employees.

Cal Connection: We have seen the Red Bull car cruising along the edge of campus in the middle of midterm season.

Every organization aims to appeal to the stomach and wallet of the poor college student. This was the case with the invasion of free Dropbox t-shirts everywhere; Dropbox expanded their user base, and then later created a high participation rate of students through referrals with their “Great Space Race” promotion, offering free online storage.

It is not just big companies that work towards attracting the college demographic; the small businesses in Berkeley also work to appeal to the Cal community. Top Dog and C.R.E.A.M., among other establishments, are open late for busy college students. Store windows and signs are blue and gold.

Local businesses are involved in campus events: Top Dog caters at Welcome Week and Rally Committee’s “Touchdown Mondays” event, besides being a nice discount, shows the relationship between the campus and surrounding businesses.

These strategies that businesses and awareness groups alike employ are not only significant in looking at how targeted advertising may change student behavior, but also in looking at the kind of decisions college students will make. Whether it’s what phone to buy, where to eat or where to shop, the actions students take affect not only their lives, but also the world and the businesses around them. So next time you’re on Sproul, don’t rush off to class so fast and see what that flashy flyer has to offer. article by Athena Nghiem photos by Shelby Ashbaugh

FOOD & DRINK |

NINJA

BAKING It’s winter, so your mom is cooking cold-weather food to warm your insides up. The house smells like hot soup and fresh bread. You know turkeys will be roasted and potatoes will be mashed, and the holiday baking is just about to begin.

There’s only one problem.

You’re not there.

You’re in a tiny dorm room with what seems like a thousand roommates. You’re living on Chipotle and swipes and various grades of sandwich. What you need to do is make cake. But you can’t bake like mom. You lack the tools, space, patience and ingredients.

You have to bake like a ninja.

Ninja baking is what you do with what you have. It’s making cake out of next to nothing, with dollar-store tools, and only making enough for yourself and maybe a friend. If you’ve got ten minutes, a fork and a coffee cup, you can perform cake-no-jutsu! article by Meg Elison photos by Brittany Smith

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| food & drink

Chocolate Coffee Cup Cake

Vegan pumpkin spice cake Ingredients: • 2 tablespoons of oil • 2 tablespoons of sugar • 1/3 of a banana • 2 drops of vanilla extract • 2 tiny pinches of baking powder • 1/3 cup of flour • 1 big, heaping tablespoon of canned pumpkin • Dashes of cinnamon, nutmeg, allspice, pumpkin pie spice, whatever you’ve got!

Ingredients: • 1 tablespoon of butter • 2 tablespoons of sugar – white or brown • 1 egg If you don’t have one, don’t panic. Substitute 3 tablespoons of Coke, ¼ of a banana, 2 tablespoons of mayo, or 2 tablespoons of applesauce—get creative! Any bubbly leavening agent can replace an egg, but you will lose some protein and binding ability.

• 2 tiny drops of vanilla extract You don’t have to have it, but you’ll notice it’s missing.

• 2 tiny pinches of baking powder Or ¼ of a Coke—try it and see if the batter looks right.

• 1/3 cup of flour • 2 tablespoons of unsweetened cocoa Or a packet of hot chocolate, for a sweeter alternative.

Instructions: Melt the butter in the cup in the microwave for 15 seconds.

Add the sugar and mix them together until blended. Crack the egg into the mix and beat it like it owes you money. Drip in vanilla if you’ve got it. Cream it all together, then add baking powder, flour and cocoa. It should look like the batter in the picture. Microwave for 1–2 minutes. It should rise up and get puffy when it’s done. Eat it straight out of the cup or scoop it into a bowl with ice cream or whipped cream. Delicious, and all for you!

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Caliber Magazine / Winter 2012

Instructions: Mix as above, making sure to thoroughly mash the banana. Sprinkle the top with a little cinnamon and sugar. Microwave for 1–2 minutes, eat while it’s hot.

Tastes like autumn and ninja awesomeness!

Now that you’re a ninja baker, you can impress your friends and roommates with your warm, homey treats! You can invite a date over for dessert and coffee and have “dessert” not be a euphemism.

Or you can slip in and out of the kitchen, unnoticed, and look like you’re carrying something no more covet-worthy than a mug of tea. Secrecy and cake are a ninja baker’s privilege.

lifestyle|

The Rise o f

P I NTE R E ST Sometime last year, Pinterest blew up.

Indeed, it seems that within a matter of weeks, Pinterest exploded from obscurity to the center stage as its influence spread across campus faster than the flu spreads through dorms in the winter. The selfdescribed “virtual pinboard” allows users to follow and share various types of content—from animals and architecture to food and fashion—and while a quick glance across the sea of computer screens in any big lecture hall would reveal the myriad of students who have succumbed to its infections, Pinterest’s reach goes far beyond just the images on its webpage.

To be sure, one of the site’s greatest accomplishments is its impact upon the real (non-virtual) world, finding manifestation in creative nail art, complicated updos and do-it-yourself paper lanterns, to name a few. In this way, Pinterest has succeeded in infiltrating even the lives of those who have never visited its homepage.

plague competing sites. Another root is its appeal to young and middle-aged women—a demographic that had gone largely untapped prior to the site’s inception. But more than its design or target audience, Pinterest has been so successful because of the different approach it takes to social media. It allows users to easily share the parts of themselves that typical social networking sites usually gloss over: the depth that lies beneath the superficial.

But what is the key to Pinterest’s popularity? Launched in March 2010, Ben Silverman’s website has attracted a large following, reaching 11.7 million unique users by January 2012 and setting the record for the fastest website in history to reach 10 million unique monthly visitors. The website’s meteoric rise can be attributed in part to its sleek, image-oriented interface that allows it to deliver great quantities of information to users without any of the clutter that might

Researchers at Harvard University have found that humans take pleasure in disclosing information about themselves to others, and that the very act of doing so targets the same areas of the brain that make us feel good when we chow down on some Yogurtland or receive a paycheck in the mail.

It is no surprise, then, that we seek out social media websites that allow us to share parts of ourselves with large audiences. We post photos, update our statuses and share infor-

mation with hundreds of “friends” or “followers” whom we allow to be privy to our accounts. The faults of many of the more traditional social media websites, like Facebook or Twitter, however, is that they lack a certain profundity: we are more than the sum of our albums, wall-to-wall postings and the facts listed in our “about me.” Pinterest succeeds where the rest of these sites fail because it digs deeper: users don’t post statuses or “selfies,” but rather they share who they are by “pinning” what resonates with them, from art and design to quotes and humor. Although profiles don’t indicate much about a user on a surface level, Pinterest paints more in-depth portraits of its users by encouraging them to share their interests, their loves, their inspirations—not just what they ate for lunch or pictures of last night’s party. article by Lauren Thomas

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| lifestyle

FASHION renewal Recycling and Revamping Your Wardrobe

In a city as hip as Berkeley, looking stylish is key, although this often requires multiple trips to the campus’ primary fashion hotspots, à la Urban Outfitters and American Apparel. Luckily, these easy DIY projects will revamp any college student’s closet free of charge. All it takes are some old clothes and basic craft supplies to stock up on unique pieces that will have the fashionistas’ heads turning. article by Brea Weinreb, photos by Rosa Nguyen

AMERICAN FLAG DENIM SHORTS Patriotism has been bursting like fireworks among today’s fashion-conscious population. American flag prints emblazon shirts, sneakers and high-waisted denim. Here is Caliber’s own version of Uncle Samapproved shorts.

WHAT YOU’LL NEED: • Any pair of jean shorts; • Painter’s tape • Star-shaped stamps • Red and white fabric paint • Paint brush

Iron out the wrinkles on any pair of jean shorts and lay them on a flat surface. To make the stripes on the right-hand side, apply strips of painter’s tape each an inch apart spanning from the top of the shorts to the bottom. The number and length of strips depends on the size of the shorts. Using red fabric paint and a brush, paint the areas not covered by tape. If necessary, apply a second and third coat and leave the tape on until the paint is dry.

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Caliber Magazine / Winter 2012

On the left side of the shorts, use a small- to medium-sized star-shaped stamp that you can find at any craft supply store. Before using the paint, map out where to place the stamps with a pencil or chalk.

This particular pair arranged the stars in a pyramid.

Cover the stamp in an even coat of white fabric paint and press down firmly in each spot, making sure the paint is applied evenly. Use a small brush dipped in the white paint to touch up any uncovered areas of the stars.

If you’d like to personalize these even more, take 0.5” pyramid studs and apply them on the pockets or around the waistband. Voilà, star-spangled denim!

lifestyle |

PRINTED BOW TIES Everyone loves a classic bow tie, and what’s better than the classy individual who makes his or her own bow tie? And for anyone in particular who might be written off as “craft challenged,” this project requires minimal effort for a trendy piece to accessorize any button-down.

WHAT YOU’LL NEED: • Fabric of your choice • Fabric glue

• •

Iron Bow tie clip

Cut two square pieces of a fabric of your choice: one 4”x4” and the other 4¼”x4¼”.

Fold in the sides of each square ¼” and secure with a thin line of fabric glue. To make it more adhesive, iron down the corners.

Glue the smaller square on top of the larger.

Once dry, pinch the square at the center to create bow tie folds. Glue together the folds to secure the shape.

Cut a thin strip of fabric about 3” long, fold it down and glue the sides as you did in Step 1. Wrap the strip around the pinched center of the bow tie and secure with glue, holding it down until the glue sets. Finally, glue a bow tie clip (available at most craft stores) to the center of the back of the bow tie. Once dry, you’ll be ready to sport this piece wherever you go!

STUDDED CONVERSE SNEAKERS These edgy kicks first appeared on the scene via designer Christian Louboutin, who embellished leather sneakers with hundreds of studs for both men and women. Rather than paying hundreds of dollars for the red-soled beauties, you can make your own by following these steps.

WHAT YOU’LL NEED: • Pyramid or conical studs • A pair of Converse sneakers • Flat-end screwdriver

Remove the laces from a pair of Converse high-tops. Use 0.5” pyramid studs, or for a more masculine pair of kicks, opt for the conical studs in either 7/16” or 0.5” in silver.

Push the studs in and flatten the back with a flat-end screwdriver. Work row-by-row, starting at the base of the sneaker. The studs should ascend in pyramid formation.

Do this on the outer side of each shoe. Cover the backs of the studs with clear nail polish on the inside of the sneaker to avoid abrasions. You’re now ready to look like you just stepped out of a Louboutin ad!

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| lifestyle

YOU CAN HAVE YOUR CAKE &

BEFORE PREPARATION, MOTIVATION, DEDICATION. It might sound cheesy, but that’s what separates those that lose weight from those that stay static. It’s as simple as this: the amount of calories burned must exceed the amount of calories taken in. Basic math.

What people struggle with is how much to eat, what to eat, and how to effectively work out. Each person is different, but what stays constant between those who lose weight and those who don’t is their ability to stick to their diet and workout routine. Find a partner if you can! People are much more likely to stick to a diet if they are being held accountable for their actions and have someone with whom to share their goals.

What is important is to figure out how many calories you need to eat to either maintain your weight or lose weight. A good way to estimate the range of the calories needed to maintain your weight is your body weight times 14–17. Anywhere between that amount and you will stay the same weight. To lose a pound a week, a 500 calorie deficit per day is necessary, so cut out 500 calories from your range. If you have previously struggled with losing weight, it may be beneficial to start off on the lower range because your metabolism may not be as high as others. If you are serious about losing weight, the maximum recommended weight loss is two pounds per week, so a cut of 1000 calories a day is necessary. A higher cut-off is much more difficult to maintain, as it is very hard to eat so little while engaging in vigorous exercise. If you have a lot of weight to lose, you can get away with a higher calorie cut-off, but the onepound-per-week routine is better recommended—it is much more sustainable and enjoyable.

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Caliber Magazine / Winter 2012

TOO. LITERALLY.

Losing weight. For some it comes with no effort— it seems like they can eat the world and still be skinny. For others, no matter how hard they try, they just can’t seem to lose anything. We are all different, and so shouldn’t our workouts be as well?

A little bit about me: I have recently lost a lot of weight, and no, I will not preach to you about it.

What I will say is that I did eat what I wanted. Just the amount of what I ate changed dramatically, and it worked. Satisfying yourself is the key to losing weight; you won’t feel the need to turn to binge eating, and you won’t despise the process.

DIET

So the big question is: how does someone actually eat a small amount of calories, yet stay satisfied? The secret is to not completely cut out the bad, tasty things out of your diet, but to just cut back on it. Do you want a burger? Have a burger! Just have a reasonable amount. Maybe opt for just one Double-Double instead of the extra shake and animal fries. A simple trick is to track what you eat, even the small snacks and nibbles. The Weight Watchers app has a large database of food items that can make calorie-counting simple, while myfitnesspal.com offers a free alternative. If apps aren’t for you, follow this guide to help you plan a basic 1500 calorie day, based on individual eating patterns.

Meal

Regular Eating Habits

Night Owl

Mid-day Snacker

Always Hungry

Breakfast

200

100

100

200

Lunch

500

400

400

400

Snacks

200

100

400

300

Dinner

500

500

500

500

Night

100

300

100

200

Total

1500

1500

1500

1500

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ALTERNATIVE FOODS Spinach and lettuce: Base any meal with these and you instantly add an extremely low-calorie stuffer that will help you feel full.

Hot sauce: Zero calories and it turns even the blandest of foods into a spicy fest in your mouth. Use it on or to sauté vegetables for an added kick.

Spices, salts and herbs: Speaking of adding an extra kick, using spices, salts and herbs are great calorie-saving measures to making bland chicken, fish, vegetables—anything, really—into something delicious.

White meat vs. red meat: White meat is much less calorie-dense than red meat, and because of it, you can consume much more relative to the amount of red meat.

Low-fat options: Love cheese? Love ice cream? Love literally anything? A lot of items are made with a low-calorie or low-fat option; just be careful that there are not any scary ingredients in there as a substitute.

Diet soda: Speaking of scary ingredients, diet soda is the subject of countless debates. Many people are against diet soda, but regardless, it does help a lot of people stay on track by satisfying their urges. This is the only unhealthy item I will introduce—it’s all a personal choice.

Water: It may sound obvious, but drink your water, not your calories. The more drinks you have that contain calories, the less you will be able to eat. Drinking water not only allows you to eat your full diet, it also hydrates the body and curbs hunger.

FOOD CHOICE So let’s get into the nitty gritty about what foods to stay away from and what foods to consider “yes” foods. Remember that Double-Double we were all craving? Instead of ordering all the fixings, try protein style. It saves half the calories, allowing you to eat two burgers instead of one. This caloriethrifty mindset can be applied to other foods as well. Instead of eating rice and pasta, get only meat and vegetables and you’ll be surprised with how much you can eat. If you were to eat a half-pound of grilled chicken without the skin and nothing else, that would only be roughly 220 calories. The healthier the choice, the more you can eat, and the more satisfied you will be. Love mayo? Get low-fat mayo. Love ketchup? Get low-sugar ketchup.

Love pizza? Have one or two slices—you don’t need five in one sitting.

Remember, this is about you, so do what you need to do to stay on track. At first eating less will be tough; your stomach is probably used to eating until it is uncomfortably full. After you start your new “lifestyle” (think lifestyle, not diet) your stomach will naturally shrink and you will not want or be able to eat as much as you used to. The first week or two are the hardest—go over the hump and it will become easier. It will also become easier as you your weight drops and you see a new you—nothing feels better than seeing that number go down.

ARE YOU FIT? Are you fit? There are certain milestones in the fitness community that separate those who think they are fit from those who are truly in shape. Each person is different, so not every test will apply to you! Choose the ones that make sense to you and try it for yourself.

Strength-Chest FIRST GOAL: Bench your bodyweight.

And I don’t mean one and done. Being able to rep your body weight is impressive, even though it sounds easier than it is. If bench is not your thing, 40 push-ups in a row is a good substitute.

SECOND GOAL: For those who think they’re truly fit, being able to bench 1.5 times your bodyweight is an exclusive club that many people have a hard time gaining access to. A lot of training is involved in getting to this stage. A good substitute is 100 push-ups in a row.

Strength-Legs FIRST GOAL: Leg press 1.5 times your weight. You will be surprised by how much weight your legs can actually handle after a little bit of training.

SECOND GOAL: Leg press 2.25 times your weight. This is trickier. Those with truly powerful legs can boast this feat.

Cardio FIRST GOAL: Run a 5k in 24 minutes.

Running three consecutive miles at around an 8-minute mile split is hard for many, but for some, this is too easy. Proceed to goal two or three if you’re a natural-born runner.

SECOND GOAL: Run a 5k in 18 minutes or less. Three miles with sub-six-minute miles. Wow. THIRD GOAL: 10k in 30 minutes or less.

Six miles with sub-six-minute miles. Are you crazy? Maybe. article by Mark Alshak photos by Silvia Cernea

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| lifestyle

did i really? remembering last night

The way you feel the morning after is a reminder of your rite of passage into the world of poor life choices— you wake up smelling like a stale barroom floor, your stomach threatens vomit, and your head feels like someone has been jackhammering your skull. You’re not sure what time you made it back to your room or how you even got there. You try to drum up any memory of the night before and only muster a vague non sequitur of moments.

Somewhere within your repressed consciousness is a belligerent storyline you don’t ever want to remember, but your friends will never let you forget it.

No one enjoys finding out what an ass they made of themselves the night before. Friends narrate your entire drunken stupor to anyone who will listen and all you can do is cringe. Instead of vowing never to drink again and wishing your own death, keep in mind that others have done far worse. Misery loves company, after all. Here are some of the more outrageous black-out stories that Caliber has come across at Berkeley, all of which we can attest to being true.

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Caliber Magazine / Winter 2012

Preaching to the Wrong Choir Ever wake up and look at your phone only to realize you made a series of phone calls you don’t remember?

While drunk dialing an ex and confessing your love is embarrassing, there are worse people to call when you are feeling a little saucy. Two days after moving into her new dorm room at Berkeley, Sam L. and her new roommate took to Piedmont to find their first college party. Several hours and several beverages later, she found herself sexiled from her room—welcome to college. To kill time, Sam took to her phone book. One of the numbers she dialed was her new roommate’s home phone. At two in the morning, her parents answered and stayed on the line long enough for Sam to purge every last detail of their night, including where they went, who they met, each and every shot they took, and even all about how their daughter brought a guy back to the room and was hooking up with him as they spoke. Oops.

P[ee] is for Problem Ever wake up grateful that you didn’t wet your bed?

Well, there are worse places to have relieved yourself

lifestyle |

than under the covers. Cal senior Gina E. met her longtime boyfriend after she sleepwalked into and peed in his closet.

Now whenever someone asks how the pair met, she gets to relive her not-so-proudest moment. Wedding toast, anyone?

For freshman Stacy F., however, people didn’t approach her mishap with the same sense of humor. After drinking a little too much one game day, she found herself wandering down a dorm hall with a terrible urge to go and not a bathroom in sight. She picked a room, squatted in the corner and proceeded to do her thing.

About halfway through, she realized the room she had chosen was occupied by a now mortified group of students. They snapped a picture of her face, posted it on Facebook with the caption, “I just peed in someone’s room. Not welcome in room 217!” #Embarrassing!

What in the F**k?

Andrew C. came to one Saturday night shirtless and shoeless on Durant Avenue with a Top Dog in one hand and an Xbox console in the other. After some investigating he found out that he had drunkenly stolen the Xbox—don’t worry,

it was eventually returned to its proper owner—and then decided to bring it with him to Kip’s. Needless to say, he didn’t get in with his half-missing wardrobe and misplaced ID. Instead, he had to settle for a Chicken Apple with extra mustard.

Throw ‘em Back Throwbacks Ever wake up and realize you’ve pissed off a bunch of firemen? These two alumni have.

The ex-Golden Bear George W. (class of 1968), found himself at the epicenter of Berkeley’s Free Speech Movement. Eager to protest the violence in Vietnam and stand up to the establishment, he travelled into San Francisco to attend an anti-war rally. But after he spent the afternoon with a bottle of Seagram’s Gin pressed to his lips instead of a bullhorn, demonstration turned into destruction. George began jumping on top of parked cars and eventually led a battalion of protesters in tipping over a fire truck. He was quickly cuffed and cited for disorderly conduct, destruction of public property, and being drunk in public.

Oh yeah, he also faced a felony charge of inciting a riot. Lucky for George, he was family friends with Clark Kerr—otherwise, he would have gotten an indictment instead of a diploma.

Then there was Russ P. (class of 2010), who was president of an undisclosed house in Cal’s Greek system. During the welcome

week of his senior year, he and a lady friend went out to a nice dinner. Meanwhile, back at the house his plastered comrades hatched the reckless plan to ignite a couch in their backyard with the rally cry, “Russ said ‘It’s O.K.!’” Coincidentally, there was a Berkeley-wide power outage at the same moment. Thousands of students, deprived of their Facebook and Hulu, took to the streets en masse in search of something to do. The impromptu bonfire might have gone unnoticed if it weren’t for the dark skyline and the herds of students aimlessly roaming the streets. As the crowd gathering in front of the house grew, so did the flames. The fire department, promptly alerted, thought the house was burning down. They kicked in the front door and smashed out the front windows only to find a charring couch. The rally cry quickly changed from “Russ said ‘It’s O.K.!’” to “Russ did it!” Totally oblivious to the entire incident, Russ returned home with his date at that moment, only to get a severe tonguelashing from the Fire Chief and a new date with Student Conduct. Good thing he had an alibi. *All names have been changed to protect the identities, and dignities, of the people in the stories.

article by Zack Alspaugh photos by Olivia Crawford

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| LOVE & SEX

TOGETHER

One of the biggest decisions of your life: it is not deciding which college to attend or which job offer to take, but deciding if you should move in with your significant other. Are you ready to pay the bills together?

Cook for each other? Care for each other in sickness and in health ‘til rent increases do you part? Taking such a big step in your relationship could advance your love life, but it could also drive you up the walls and out the door; take some time out and really think it through! Answer a question, see where the answer will take you and lead yourself to the end of the big question: are you ready to live together? article by Jennifer Wong

Well you must be a b*tch

START HERE Have you lived with other people before (roommates, floormates, housemates)?

Are you good at sharing? (i.e. school supplies, clothes, food, othER PERSONAL ITEMS)

Will personal habits like how they squeeze the toothpaste bottle become a dealbreaker or drive you crazy?

Living with A male: are you ready for toilet seats being left up?

Living with A female: are you ready for hair that sheds off like a dog?

Do you think you could be bothered by these living quirks and habits to the point of breakup?

It’s not gonna work.

Can you balance work, school, extracurriculars, hobbies, AND your love life at home?

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Caliber Magazine / Winter 2012

LOVE & SEX |

MAYBE. You may be very into the relationship you have right now, but instead of risking it by throwing it into the complications that come with living together, just let it continue being the good thing that it is. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t ever move in together; this just may not be the right time.

No. At least you have a relationship. Keep it as is.

DANG, Y’ALL ARE READY. YOU SIGN THAT LEASE. TIME TO GET THIS RELATIONSHIP A RESIDENCE.

Are you ready for your in-laws and other judgmental family members to visit?!

Just kidding...

Do you have a back up plan—a friend’s place, back with your family’s— to move into in case things don’t work out?

Can you handle fights in the living space?

CLOSE ENOUGH. There may be some minor factors about being housemates that turn you off, but if you’re still able to cope with them and figure out the right living system with your partner, then you should be good to go.

Are you ready to take care of each other when one falls sick?

THEN YOU’LL DEFINITELY HAVE FIGHTS...

WHO HAS TIME FOR THAT??

Can you separate business (paying rent, chores, housekeeping) from your romantic feelings?

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| LOVE & SEX

The Official

history of the Missionary After a long romantic evening, you and your beau hit the stereo and Barry White fills the room. You dim the lights and narrow your gaze suggestively at your companion as you make your way to the edge of your bed. You pat the spot next to you and once you are joined, you lean in. Your noses touch. You inhale deeply as the tension builds. Neither one of you can take it any longer. You reach under your bed and pull out your portable Wheel of Fornication and spin for the win. Once the wheel stops spinning, the spinner points at Missionary. Next thing you know, the wheel is on the floor, and your clothes soon follow.

Despite all the variety out there, the Missionary position is a tried and true favorite. And why not? Perfect access to all entry points, capable of eye-to-eye contact and constant kissing opportunities

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Caliber Magazine / Winter 2012

galore, it is the go-to choice for beginners and veterans alike. While you would say that you happen to know the Missionary position intimately, how much do you really know about his history? Have you ever tried to get to know Missionary before using him mercilessly to satisfy your own insatiable lust? Have you even thought about taking him out for a cup of coffee? Well, we did the work for you and got the full scoop, a one-on-one Caliber interview with the Missionary position himself. Feast your eyes on the untold story, straight from the horse’s mouth!

We met Missionary inside the Barnes and Noble cafe over in Emeryville. He ordered himself a gingerbread latte (a little sweet, a little spicy, he explained with a wink) and we took our seats by the window. Missionary was dressed in a wrinkle-free, white button-down shirt

and a well-fitted pair of faded denim.

He leaned back in his chair and kept eye contact with me as he sipped from him his cup—effortless but sexy.

Caliber: Caliber: Well, Missionary, thank you for agreeing to this interview! We are super excited to have this chance to break out your story, so to speak.

MP: The pleasure is all mine. It has been a while since someone has taken an interest in hearing my tangled web of intrigue.

People seem to be more interested in Doggy-Style and CowGirl nowadays.

Great people, couple of characters really.

They used to be pretty underground for a while, but they’ve gained a tremendous amount of popularity with the Internet and such.

Caliber: But you are the original! You’re the rock star! You dropped panties before either one of them hit puberty!

LOVE & SEX | MP: We try to keep it pretty supportive in the workplace. I mean, we have our own quirks and methods, but in the end, we’ll all get you where you need to go.

Caliber: Speaking of the workplace, do you have any nicknames or anything?

MP: Yeah, we do. Laughs. We are all very close. . . . We tease each other all the time. I’ve been called “The Matrimonial,” “The Mama-Papa Position,” “The English-American Position,” “The Male Superior Position,” “The Angelic Position,” and “The Manner of Serpents.” Most recently, I have been called “Vanilla,” after that whole 50 Shades of Grey deal.

Caliber: Wowza, that is a lot of nicknames.

Any reason why “Missionary” sticks? Is it that whole religious backstory or what not?

MP: That is actually a myth.

Caliber: Shut up!

MP: I am serious! I did one of these interviews about 65 or so years ago with this guy, Alfred Kinsey for his work, Sexual Behavior in the Human Male.

We had a couple of drinks and we started talking about other interviews I’ve done.

Bronislaw Malinowski and his work The Sexual Life of Savages in North-Western Melanesia came up, and I don’t know, Kinsey must have had one too many scotches or something. He referenced Malinowski in his work, saying that the natives of the Trobriand Islands, the subjects of Malinowski’s work, made up the term when they were making fun of the technique of the Europeans. Needless to say, a very loose interpretation of Malinowski.

Caliber: So what about that whole “Medieval Catholic Church Missionary” story? You know, a bunch of old guys with pointy hats and scepters crawling into bed with you. . . . You can imagine the rest.

MP: Kinsey. All Kinsey. Word got out and next thing I know, it’s in the Dictionary and The Joy of Sex . . . and that was that.

Caliber: So like, boom. Our minds are blown.

MP: Yeah, I hear that a lot.

Caliber: We bet! You’ve been around for like, ever.

MP: Yeah, before that even. I have seen the Early Greek, Romans, Peruvians, Indians, Chinese and Japanese, all of them. Socrates and I have symposium-ed together, Ceasar and I have hung out. . . . You name the person. I was the first invite to any party and nothing started until I got there. It was tough, being so popular and my co-workers having to hide out in the shadows. It didn’t make for the best work environment.

Caliber: What did you have that they didn’t have?

MP: You know, it is all publicity. Word of mouth. Someone told someone something and they told someone something else. People have said that it is the most natural way, that it is the way to breed champions, that it was the most stable, that it was the best way to put women in their proper place . . . whatever. It was said. And people bought it.

Caliber: So there is no truth to these claims?

MP: People make of things what they will. My line of work is plenty taboo as it is—people are just trying to find a way to deal with it on their own terms, whether it be pleasure- or conception-oriented. Far be it from me to dissuade anyone from figuring out what works best for them. If I can help them out, great. Awesome. If someone else like Spooning or Piledriver is more your style, I’m not holding you back.

Caliber: Would you call yourself the “Gateway Drug” of sex?

MP: Laughs. No, but I can see the analogous line of reasoning. I am very accessible for beginners and once they figure out their preferences, they usually go from there. But people always come back to me. What can I say? I am comfy.

Caliber: So, you’re like the bottom bitch of sexual positions?

MP: I’d like to say that I am more classic than anything else. It is like movies.

You can like your horror films or your

romantic comedies. But there are those classics, like The Godfather or Breakfast at Tiffany’s. You can’t help watching them over and over again.

Caliber: Well, you say “classic,” other people say “boring,” or like you mentioned earlier, “vanilla.” Is there anyway you would suggest spicing up your routine?

MP: What is so great about what I have to offer is its innovativeness, its flexibility.

While the person on top gets to set the tempo, it is the one on the bottom who has full arm freedom to caress, to pull closer or push away. In a way, unlike other positions where one is doing something and the other just takes it, it is almost like one person is in charge of the sexual gratification and the other in charge of the romantic play. No one has to be the dead fish or metronome here!

Plus, there are so many ways to approach things, there is really no reason to get bored or in a rut. Open up a Cosmo for a change. I mean, you’ve got “Reach for the Heavens,” “Figure Eight,” “The Rock and Roll,” “The Soft Rock,” “Dirty Dangle,” “The Torrid Triangle,” “Face to Face Fandango,” I could go on for hours. The point is that I, and any of my coworkers for that matter, can only take you so far. It isn’t a spectator sport, people. You have to participate.

Caliber: Before we let you go, do you have any suggestions for our readers?

MP: All I can say is find what works for you and be comfortable with yourself.

The whole process is very intimate. It hits you at your core. You have to be honest and you have to be vulnerable. You reap what you sow, right? Just like anything else, it is about discovery and, of course, practice. Laughs. article by Arielle Schussler photos by Olivia Crawford

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