Street Souls by YouthWire

I would like to have a good job and a big house out the way somewhere far. But not that far because I love the Bay too much to leave. — LeJhaun Bowden

Cover art “Street Souls” by Peso

Top photo by Andrea Appleton Bottom photo by Brooks Bergeron

Young and Without a Home in San Francisco About the project Thousands of youth and young adults who don’t have permanent homes pass through San Francisco in any given year. Over a two-month period, New America Media conducted writing workshops with 24 of these young people, asking them what life is like without a stable home and how they see themselves and the city they live in. What follows is a selection of their writings and photography (captured with disposable cameras), as well as portraits of some of the youth taken by photographer Tudor Stanley. The name of the collection, Street Souls, was chosen by the writers themselves. In recruiting workshop participants, NAM had the help of Larkin Street Youth Services, as well as At The Crossroads (an outreach and support organization for street youth headquartered in San Francisco’s Mission District). Funding for these workshops is provided by the Zellerbach Family Foundation, the Orchard House Foundation, and the Parnassus Fund, among others.

A LETTER HOME ��4 LIFE ON THE STREET ��7 LEAVING HOME ��9 SOMEONE TO LIVE FOR �� 10 IMAGINING THE FUTURE �� 12 WHAT IS TO BE DONE �� 15 THE AUTHORS �� 16

A L E T T ER HOM E My dearest Grizzly,* In the five years since I have left you I’ve grown in ways that I find unbelievable. I still use all you taught me in your sacred towers of green. How to listen and how to really hear. I miss you, from slow quiet breezy days to the sounds of birds of prey on the hunt. I miss your stars and how they move. I find myself in a new forest. She’s made of large trees of steel and cement, and the predators kill with invoices and calls ... But I find that there are still good people here and it makes me happy. Soon I will see you and feel your embrace. But for now all I can do is give you my love. — Justin O *Grizzly Flats is a small town in El Dorado County, California.

Dear Mom, Thank you for raising me on great values and love. Sorry I was bad. I know I can be difficult to deal with sometimes, especially at our family’s time of need. I didn’t know myself but now I do. I didn’t understand fully all the things I did, but I know I have a lot of loving family moments with everyone. But I try to call you and you never answer. — Troy Nichols

PHOTO by Shamar Moore

A L E T T ER HOM E Hey Isabella and Adam, Mom and Dad, I know I haven’t contacted you in awhile and I would like to say I do miss you, even though I don’t express it. You should know how I feel. The Loft is an okay place; the staff is awesome, the food is edible, and overall it’s an 86 percent. But really I should try to speak and stay in touch more and not be so rude. I don’t mean to be mean but I do have a few problems to manage, needless to say. I will adjust my attitude and be much more kind, plus support y’all. — Joshua O Dear Home, Well, I am here in San Francisco and I am actually getting somewhere in life. You never thought I’d be this content by myself. I am safe and independent now. I am happy with my surroundings. I am at a place that makes you uncomfortable in your own skin. I need you all at home to know that I am okay. I am strong and most importantly I am not dependent on you. I am capable of better. You always brought me down and now it’s my turn to pick myself up, because if I don’t do it there is no one in line to do it for me. Just a lesson from something you taught me. — Jessica Mercado

Sis: I don’t know why you’re “afraid” of me. It’s silly, and I hope you grow past it. — Peso

Street dog. PHOTO by Tamiya Rudoph

A L E T T ER HOM E Home is a place where family is, where you feel comfortable, where you can turn a key, microwave some chicken, and sip lemonade. That’s home. — Sean S. Home is a place I call my own. My rules. A place I pay for and I can be there whenever I want to be there. Home = my own. A place I can claim as mine. A reminder of the hard work that went into it. — TJ Jones When you’re homeless the only thing home can mean is anywhere and everywhere. We dare to rest and repair. Wherever I lay my head, Shall be my home. Wherever I may sit, Shall be my throne. AKA Anywhere on this earth that I’m surrounded by people who can equally reciprocate loyalty, risk life for life, and without anyone to tell us, do what we know is right. — Peso

My idea of home is a family that loves you and you always got something to come home to, like having your own key, getting your own mail, everything about it just feels so good. — LeJhaun Bowden Home is where I’m accepted and wanted, also needed. Home is where I can come anytime and someone will be there for me and I for them. When I heard “home is where the heart is” for the first time, I thought, my heart is in my chest – so I guess anywhere I go I can feel at home and never alone. — Joshua O Home is wherever you make it. Even when I was housed the streets were still more my home than my apartment was. — Jalisa

L I F E ON T H E S T R E E T When I came to 6th and Market one day I saw my Cousin Thunder was being arrested. The police handcuffed him the wrong way. They had to call an ambulance but they still didn’t release his arms. PHOTO by Andrea Appleton

When you’re homeless and you have no money, no drugs or anything to offer, you’re a ghost. You’re another Joe on the street and no one pays attention to you. I am an escort here in San Francisco ... There was one night when I was alone; I was coming down off crystal, I was low on gas, it was raining, no one was texting me back; my boyfriend completely ignored me and didn’t want to come around because I didn’t have anything to offer. I had lost my apartment, I had no money, nowhere to go and I felt worthless to the world. I ended up in Telegraph Hill and parked my car. I got out, hopped a fence, climbed to a rooftop and watched the fog roll in. — Ryan E. Nowhere to go, nowhere to put my bags, a rainy night, a mind scrambled by crystal meth. I can’t help but scream. It’s 3AM on a Sunday. I’ve been up 4 days. I pass out on the sidewalk. Stumble, stop, repeat. To be continued. — Andrew M. I feel at risk when I am dismissed repeatedly as not a person, but woman waste. — Peso

L I F E ON T H E S T R E E T I was stranded in the middle of Columbus, Ohio. The wind was so cold on a winter night. I had a few friends that were stranded with me. We couldn’t catch a ride. I was worried we would freeze to death with no place to go. — Shamar Moore People all come from different walks of life. And everyone struggles the same, just different problems. People have different ways of solving their problems of homelessness. Some are easier, some are harder. — Aurora Wallowingbull

Homelessness in the shade. Am homeless but I know for one thing, I should have an umbrella to have some shade. PHOTO by Justin Smith

World Full of Smiles. The Smile Zone is the best place to be to stay positive. PHOTO by Shamar Moore

L E AV I NG HOM E My family had a lot of problems and I couldn’t take it no more so I left. Then I found out I was pregnant so ever since then I went on my own. Being out at night was crazy and stressful. Everywhere I go I look at my surroundings and watch people ask for money, cents, drugs, and pills. I was pregnant and I had nowhere to go and no family to come to, no friends to ask. I’ve slept in a car with my boyfriend, cold with no blankets to cover us and no food to eat. — Lisa Silas The hardest day in my life was when my girlfriend got kicked out and I had to be a true boyfriend and stay with her and make sure she’s safe and okay. We had to be a true homeless couple and it sucked. — Collin Kaliningrad My mom and I had got in a fight and we were supposed to work things out, yet we didn’t even get a chance to. Next thing I know I’m on the street in front of the Sacramento Library. The first thing I did was email my counselor and see if there was any kind of help she could provide me with. I spent the next few hours recalculating everything in my mind. Next thing I know I’m outside in the cold freezing my butt off so I decided to hop on the light rail and ride it until the morning. I cried the whole night. I just couldn’t believe that this could happen to me. I was a good kid, didn’t do any drugs. Watched my brother and sister all the time. I was devastated. — Danzel H.

One afternoon I came inside and I noticed my mother had a very angry look on her face. I was so stoned that I had forgot I smoked in her house prior. You could smell the cannabis from the hallway but I assumed it was just the smell on my jacket. Long story short, Mom began to yell and raise her voice at me. I was irritated and I just wanted her mouth to close. The words were pounding my head and the stare she gave me made my blood boil. I began to exchange words with her and the tone of the house turned violent. Then she said the words no child wants to hear: “Get out my house, I’m done.” I was hurt. But my anger rose and I slammed the door and left. I didn’t realize I had just been kicked out ... Even though it’s been years since that night, I’ve never forgotten, and as a result I know not to ever push my kid in the street, no matter what. A joint shouldn’t divide a family. — Sean S. Self-portrait by Justin Smith

S OM E ON E T O L I V E F OR The most important person in my life is my baby’s father. I love him. I will never let him down. I want him to be the one to walk with me in the direct path. I want him to look at me like I’m his woman. I want him to respect me and be with me like I’m his woman. What I like about him is that he’s smart and he does good things for me. He buys clothes when they’re old. He’s been in and out of jail for petty stuff but I still love him because of what he does for me. — Andrea Appleton

When my friends saw me this day I didn’t have food. I wasn’t happy and they made sure they had my back. PHOTO by Andrea Appleton of her friends at the nail salon.

Dear Micah (AKA baby son), When you first came in this world I stopped ALL of what I was doing – drugs, sex for money, cheating. Loving my son has made my life change. It’s about him now. And not about me anymore. I have to completely change my ways, because this is the best blessing I’ve ever had. — Andrea Appleton Home is in Isaiah’s arms. — Troy Nichols

PHOTO by Andrea Appleton of her son, Micah

I’d be homeless forever with the one I love. — Isaiah Wallowingbull

S OM E ON E T O L I V E F OR Well I work for a 92-year-old lady. Her name is LeFlora and she is from Mississippi. I pretty much do everything for her. I make her breakfast, make her bed, give her baths, clean her house, anything she asks for I do it. I love my old lady. She makes me feel all types of different ways. She’s got a Southern attitude but she has a good heart, always looking out for others. I’ve worked for her for about 10 months now. She’s tall, skinny, and has survived a major surgery. — Kiki T.

I like to feel that I have a higher power that could help me through the trials I go through as a homeless youth. There have been times in my life where I felt lonely. I believe that having a God helped me through the loneliness. I come from a religious background and was told things like “God does not love gays” and a lot of other things I was doing. But in my heart I knew I could be forgiven because nobody is perfect. — Isaiah Wallowingbull

Left photo: My old lady’s bedroom. I clean her room and make her bed every day. So I did that. Right photo: My old lady, just kickin back. PHOTOS by Kiki T.

My brother from another mother. I know I might not be your real brother but blood wouldn’t make us stronger. I got you Bro. PHOTO by Justin Smith

I M AGI N I NG T H E F U T U R E One day I had a rough day. I usually hustled up enough to get $60 to get a hotel room for the night. But it was a bad day. I had dropped my stuff and I had my girlfriend with me. So I stayed outside with my girlfriend, sleeping on the buses until we got to the last stop. But then I seen this old lady who was also on the bus. She said it doesn’t get too bad until you get in your 50s. I was horrified to think I’d be homeless at 50 sleeping on the bus. So I promised myself I’d never make less than what I needed to shelter myself because I got people trying to kill me and I’ve been shot multiple times. — Micah

My family needs to know that I love them. I love my sisters and my grandma and my mom. They need to know that I’m doing everything I can to get my life together. They need to know that I don’t do a lot of the things that I used to. I’ve grown up a lot, I swear. I just miss them and wish I could be with them. I feel like they just think that I’m out there doing nothing but little do they know I’m comin up. I know soon enough we will be all together in the same room again! I know what I have to do, and I plan to do no other but what I have to. I will be the big sister I’m supposed to be. I just fell off a lil but I’m coming back, slowly but surely! — Kiki T.

PHOTOS: This page by Justin Smith

I M AGI N I NG T H E F U T U R E I want to be unafraid of a sealed indictment, no warrants. I want to be someone who can walk down the street without a drug addict owing me $10. Someplace where we don’t have stay aways. — Peso I hope to be a better father. A man who is looked at as an asset to his community rather than a disappointment, even if I haven’t gained much financial wealth at this time. I still hope to be rich in wisdom, knowledge, and discernment. In five years I hope to have gone through trials and lessons that better me and challenge my ability to adapt to difficult situations. I need to read more about discipline and tranquility. I need to converse with the elders on a regular basis. I need to establish a relationship with youth organizations, religious leaders, and after school programs. In doing this I will have prepared myself to be an influential leader and a positive figure in my community. — Sean S.

I want to be working and making my family proud. I want to be old and see my kids grow up. I want to have kids so I need to work so I would be able to put them through college. I would like to go back to school so I can make a career for myself and my family. — Sam Masina I want to have enough money to support me and my boyfriend and to be able to travel comfortably. I want to be able to spend all my time being happy with my boyfriend and be stable and work different jobs to get there. I want to have everything that my boyfriend wants and needs and that we’d be married. — Troy Nichols PHOTO of Collin Kaliningrad, Troy Nichols, and Isaiah Wallowingbull at their jobs with YouthForce

I may see myself with a degree from MIT in architecture, owning my own architecture, design, and development firm, creating marvels such as rooftop greenhouses and bio-architecture designed with representations of nature for elemental reminders of where we came from. — Brooks Bergeron

I M AGI N I NG T H E F U T U R E I want to be in a stable condition I want to feel loved and appreciated I want to feel like I’m involved I need to believe more in myself I need to feel safe I need to appreciate what I already have — Isaiah Wallowingbull I would like to tour the world playing music. I need to get into a good record company. Save money, play at cafes and restaurants. Then move to playing in concerts and into the studio. Talk to artists, get around. It’s good if you already know people like I do. Make a CD and travel to events. Get VIP passes! Communicate. Open a shelter. I would need to get a license and find a location, get employees or volunteers. I would freely fund the entire thing. — Danzel H.

I want to finish my cosmetology license and be an amazing beautician. And I want to have a family with my boyfriend. We are looking for land to start a farm and live off the land and raise a family. While he’s in the fields, I will be taking care of my family. And be a normal family. Always wanted that. Something I never had. — Aurora Wallowingbull In five years I want to be not dead on the street. — Sam Masina

My mom’s wall, because she loves Marilyn Monroe. PHOTO by Tamiya Rudolph

I want to be alive, healthy, and stable. Most of all I want to be ALIVE. — TJ Jones

A year from now I see myself working full time and coming home to a comfortable place. I want to learn how to really budget my money and time. Continue loving my girlfriend Lisa. Hopefully get married a year from now. — Collin Kaliningrad

Prayer for My New Homie TJ This prayer is for a cool guy TJ. Hope all is well with the surgery. Miracles happen. Believe in God and he will have your life in his hand and spare you from all your problems. Let him guide you through your surgery and make you strong. — Justin Smith

W H AT IS T O BE D ON E Everyone should have the right to sleep inside at least 3 days a week; not in jail, not in a psych ward, not in a hospital. We did not choose to be homeless, but we would rather live with the life we have adopted than feel judged and disrespected. — Peso Sleeping in the city will earn you one fat ticket for trespassing. If in San Francisco there were some place to sleep for the night, even outside, that would be nice. There should be places to sleep with no tickets. When you are on the streets, your tent, which is your home, needs to be able to be moved fast. I think if we had a place to camp we all would feel better. Living on the streets you have no constants. If there were jobs that lasted for a day and paid on the spot, that PHOTO by Shamar Moore would mean that I could work on a better schedule. Some of us want to work! But try telling your employer that you need to move your tent and not get fired, or that you need to leave the next day to help someone. — Justin O. If I were to make a demand it would be for homeless people to have a place to go every night and have a roof over their heads. — Tamiya Rudolph

Everyone should be housed as long as there is room available. I feel as if everyone should have a roof of some sort over their head. — Jalisa I would develop a system that would match each troubled youth with a job placement program. The program would be based on the youth’s desired career and interests. So for example, if we had builders or painters, they would be assigned architecture, engineering, and design-related jobs. The program would pay the youth to design and maintain and beautify the buildings. A portion of their pay would go to their rent if they wanted to live there. — Sean S. We need to have more positive resources in the bad parts of San Francisco. Youth are the target of drugs and gangs on the street, and I think more outreach for homeless youth would be beneficial. — Isaiah Wallowingbull

T H E AU T HOR S Many of the workshop participants had little in common with each other, except for the knowledge of being on the streets. They ranged in age from 16 to 27. They came from diverse backgrounds, from African American San Francisco natives to Native Americans originally from South Dakota. Their current housing situations were different; some had transitional housing, others had permanent beds in local shelters, and still some were sleeping on the street. And yet, despite being strangers to each other, they freely shared their stories about difficult pasts and uncertain futures. One young man came to a workshop the day after a family member he was close to had passed away. He was having difficulty writing, so one of the other participants offered to interview him and wrote down his story for him. Another young man came to a workshop and spoke about having just received a serious medical diagnosis; one of the other participants responded by writing a prayer for him. At the conclusion of the workshops, we asked them what they valued most about participating. They said it was â&#x20AC;&#x153;being given the chance to hear othersâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; storiesâ&#x20AC;? and learning that they could write.

Andrea Appleton

Andrea, Micah, and Micah Jr.

Isaiah Wallowingbull and Troy Nichols

Sam Masina

Justin Smith

Joshua O

Brooks Bergeron

T H E AU T HOR S

Shamar Moore

Micah

Jessica Mercado

Aurora Wallowingbull

LeJhaun Bowden and Tamiya Rudolph

Lisa Silas and Collin Kaliningrad

TJ Jones

LeJhaun Bowden

I would go to the stars or into space to make my own planet.Â â&#x20AC;&#x201D; Justin Smith

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