Ordained Magazine - Third Edition. Healthy Boundaries for Women in Ministry by Camelle Daley

ORDAINED third Edition 2020

ZINE MAGAZINE MAGA healthy boundaries

from...

FRIENDSHIP, DATIING AND TEAMWORK TO RAISING WRITERS Â£15 / $19

brought to you by

www.houseofilona.com

RING THE BELL THE SLEEVES ARE BACK CLERGY BELL TEA LENGTH DRESS Cover Dress Design

Elegance + Style = This Dress It's our most popular dress, the Clergy Tea Dress but with Bell Sleeves and the sleeves are lined in white, for that POP of colour The Length The Sleeves The Flow Get yours while stock last: www.houseofilona.com

w.h

ous

eof

ilon

a.c

www.houseofilona.com

WWW.HOUSEOFILONA.COM

MESSAGE FROM CAMELLE ILONA DALEY EDITOR & CLERGY DESIGNER We need God more than ever in this time. My encouragement to us all is to; DWELL in God's presence, linger longer and go deeper in God. Let us pray for Fresh Oil, Fresh Wine and give God a Fresh "YES”. We need to be transformed so that we can transform our world. We are praying for peace, we are praying your strength. Be encouraged by the articles on healthy boundaries, friendship, teamwork and even dating while in ministry. Check out the writers section at the back. (It looks like God is using Ordained Magazine to raise up writers... WOW!) It’s a deep honour to serve you, Camelle & the House of ilona Team

I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends John 15:15

It's an honour to serve you! -

0 8

Ordained Content 12

Memberships

Editor & Layout Camelle ilona Daley

Healthy Boundaries

Researcher Jeanette M C Carthy

26 Counsellor to Counsellor

Contributors: Photography Kica Photograph Writers: Minister Albertina LaTeena Bartee Pastor Deborah Cherey Brandon Evangelist Shonye Butler Pastor Hope Drew Denise Farquharson Minister Natasha Gibson Phyllis Hancock Rev Dr Jacquelyn B Hurston Pastor Jessie Faye Manuel Jeanette McCarthy Pastor Bianca Morris Chaplain Jacqueline M. Pressey Dr Terri S Reed Heddie J. Simmons Dr Lauren Speeth Minister Phyllis Trafton Chantea M. Williams Overseer Pastor Willoughby

@houseofilona

@houseofilonaclergy

20 Kingdom Love

30 Dealing with Grief 37 Friendship Series 46 Dating and in Ministry 50 Team Work 52 Calling out the Writer in you! Would you like to submit an article, poem, testimony, question comment, one liner or even feedback on anything in this issue, submit to: ordained@houseofilona.com Issue 4 – Self Care Summer August 2020 (deadline 3rd July 2020) Issue 5 – THE CALL November 2020 First Anniversay Issue

A House of ilona production

@houseofilona

OrdainedMagazine

what they said about issue 2

THIS MAGAZINE IS BEAUTIFUL!!! The color jumps off the page at you. This is pure EXCELLENCE!!! Pina Thompson It’s a joy and a blessing to be counted among the writers of Ordained Magazine. I appreciated how writers were given a theme and yet allowed creative freedom. I was particularly impressed by the production quality of the magazine when it came out, and I’m overjoyed by how beautifully the final article was illustrated and presented. There was universal enthusiasm whenever I shared copies with colleagues. I anticipate that Ordained will be a timeless asset to any and all fair-minded people who are supportive of women in ministry. Lauren

House of ilona Memberships is Now Open... £275 / $350

Membership includes monthly training on hot topics that have been requested such as: Healthy Boundaries, Work/Life Balance, Time Management, The How-Tos of Ministry, Designing Your Personal Style and so much more... This is only the beginning!!

£25 / $32

Each month you will receive: Video training, Audio training, Full transcript and Booklet in the post ***NEW***

As Members you will also: Receive a full colour, glossy, copy of Ordained Magazine delivered to your door every quarter. Have year-round discounts on the entire House of ilona Clergy Clothing Range (and future clothing ranges ;-) Access to our monthly prayer line and Great exclusives for Members only.

www.houseofilona.com

April Training

Time Management for Women in Ministry with Minister Natasha Gibson (www.asoneministry.net) It's a go-to-tool and handy guide for dealing with Ministry Overwhelm.

Buy Now to download the video, audio and transcript instantly, we'll also post you this Time Management Booklet.

Healthy Boundaries for Women in Ministry A deep dive into healthy boundaries with our expert Dr Sharna Johnson (www.awaketodreamagain.com) who unpacks a treasure chest of applicable techniques.

May Training

Buy Now to download the video, audio and transcript instantly, we'll also post you this Healthy Boundaries Booklet.

Join for

June Training

The How-To's of Ministry Power-packed lessons straight from the Bible on the How-Tos of Ministry. This Month's Trainer is the Powerful eship Evangelist Chanda London from California Ministry Apprentic (www.chandalondonministries.com) Join us this month for training, prayer and additional bonuses. ly 2020 Starts Ju

stries.com ChandaLondonMini

In July Camelle ilona Daley will be leading the Training on: July Training Designing Your Personal Style Leading you through past, present and future, how to write a Vision for your Personal Style so you can read it, run with it and wear it with GODfidence. (www.FindingDivineFlow.com)

www.houseofilona.com

Taking responsibility for your own actions and emotions...

HEALTHY BOUNDARIES while NOT taking responsibility for the actions or emotions of others WWW.HOUSEOFILONA.COM

God between us and all harm – Old Irish Saying When I think of the readers of Ordained Magazine, I think of how you are working so hard to uplift others and I’m grateful. Some of you may be putting yourselves in harm’s way as hospital chaplains. You are all in my prayers. I’m sure sometimes you are met with challenging responses – people who don’t understand, question your motives, or otherwise make things difficult. Even a harsh word from a neighbour can feel like a setback. Writing this article has helped me to regain composure after experiencing one of those moments, myself. I’d started my morning with a cup of tea, trying for a moment to enjoy God’s good grace, and set the tone for the rest of the day. A girlfriend in Ireland had taught me a beautiful saying – Dúiseacht le dúthracht le breacadh an lae – which means, “Wake up with enthusiasm with the breaking of day”. I was trying to memorize it with the proper pronunciation when the doorbell rang. An elderly neighbour was at my doorstep. Let’s call him Oscar, in honour of Oscar-the-Grouch.

Don’t Get Infected Lauren Speeth – DMin I opened the door and standing right in front of me, I could see Oscar wasn’t wearing a mask. Worse yet, he asked me to come outside so he could show me something. I stood there in disbelief as he went on to tell me he was furious at my gardener because of something to do with a tree at the front of his property, where neighbouring gardeners sometimes park their trucks.

I try to be a good neighbour, and that means respecting boundaries. When I have had a gardener in the past, I’ve asked them to park on a main street or in my driveway. I don’t put my excess trash in my neighbours’ bins and wish my neighbours would show me the same courtesy. I don’t practice music too late at night, or too early in the morning. I don’t call the police when my neighbour’s parties are too loud and interfere with my sleep. And nowadays when I go outside, I cover my nose and mouth with a mask. It’s neighbourly to help other people stay safe. In Matthew 7:12, Jesus reminds us, “whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them.”

I don’t know what was more upsetting, the fact that he was accusing me of something or the fact that I could feel the wind blowing air past him and toward me, through the open door, oblivious to the fact that he was thoughtlessly putting me in danger. I thought to myself, “masks are mandatory as a protection for the health of others. Where are his boundaries?” During a pandemic, when somebody approaches, spitting mad and standing upwind, could be construed as an attack with a potentially deadly weapon.

The breeze continued in my direction from where Oscar stood, washing over me like bilge water. I briefly told him I haven’t had a gardener in a month, pointed out that he wasn’t wearing a mask, and closed the door.

1 5

I neglected to mention what should have been obvious to anyone in the neighbourhood: some folks, including Oscar, continue to bring in gardeners regularly and disobey public health and safety orders, while some of us choose to adhere to mandates in place for everyone's protection. Paul’s advice rings true: Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man. (Colossians 4:7)

After he left, I opened the windows to air out the house, doused everything in sight with Lysol, washed my dogs, took a shower, and wiped down anything I might have touched since the encounter. These actions helped me regain my equilibrium. After I’d quelled my mind, I remembered the call for articles on appropriate boundaries. Sometimes, inspiration comes from the most unexpected places. My sister once gave me some sage advice: When someone offers you a gift of unpleasantness, you can simply say “oh, no, you are too kind. I couldn’t possibly accept this gift.” To me it’s an echo of the wisdom found in Proverbs 22:24-25, which The Message translates as “Bad temper is contagious – don’t get infected.”

Here I was, boundary-setting to the best of my ability. I didn’t share my phone number upon his demand. I didn’t follow Oscar to his unhappy tree… or his trash can. I didn’t tattle on the neighbours. What I did was to keep myself safe, closing the door to the hot and unhealthy air that was so filled with hateful calumny. As ucht Dé, (for God’s sake)!

Sisters of God, I am holding you in my prayers. Please also hold me in yours. Stay safe, stay well, keep your boundaries and don’t get infected!

Healthy

Minister Albertina Healthy boundaries is defined as boundaries that are set to make sure mentally, emotionally and spiritually you are stable. Boundaries are very important and healthy boundaries are especially important when you are a women working in ministry. As a women in ministry we wear several hats; wife, mother, grandmother, friend, sister, encourager and the list goes on, therefore we must set healthy boundaries, or those other areas in our lives will suffer. Healthy boundaries will have you at peace with saying "No." Healthy boundaries will teach you how to have balance within your lives. Healthy boundaries will prevent you feeling overwhelmed or burnt out. Healthy boundaries will make you feel like a servant and not a slave. Working in ministry does not mean you stop living a normal life but if you don't set healthy boundaries in the beginning you will become burn out. Matthew 5:13 "Ye are the salt of the earth: but if the salt have lost his savour, wherewith shall it be salted? it is thenceforth good for nothing, but to be cast out, and be trodden under foot of men."

1 6

Book Review Boundaries by Dr Henry Cloud & Dr John Townsend

This is both a practical and insightful book, dealing with the subject of managing our relationships. Written by two Christian psychologists; you will learn how to successfully manage your emotions and learn to distinguish what yours and someone else’s responsibility in a relationship. Say goodbye to harmful toxic relationships and learn what a Godly healthy relationship should look like and feel like. This book was revolutionary when it came out in the early 1990s and is still a go-to for any Christian counsellor or leader in ministry. I remember reading this book all the way through and then constantly referring back to the parts I needed for various challenges I faced. It was freeing to read that Christian was not spelt ‘d-o-o-rm-a-t’ and it was okay to say ‘no’ and not feel guilty or think you were being a bad Christian.

The principles in this book are timeless, if you or someone you know is having difficulty in the area of their soul. Struggling with bad habits, manipulative relationships or knowing when to say yes or no. This is a must read. Having healthy boundaries really is freeing.

1 7

F O Y R A I L D A T E I TH OSP IN H A APLA CH

e th will y h I : oug th, e; th e nc thr dea m e," 1 e : of with rt m fer alk ry t e o w w JV En e R h I ado art omf K r u 4 g tu 3: ip hou e sh tho ey c 2 r Sc a, t f th : for ff th alm e y o vil s a Y t P " lle o e hy s a v rn dt a e f an d ro

Every job is a self-portrait of the person who does it. Autograph your work with becoming EXTRAORDINARY, through pursuing excellence!

CHAPLAIN JACQUELINE M. PRESSEY

1 8

www.recreationsministries.com Facebook @jmpressey Instagram @rarefitpurpose Twitter @ReCreations

Standing on the worn blue carpet, looking down the long corridor, the double sliding glass doors awaiting my arrival for an on-call overnight (twice a month)– “EMERGENCY” on the sign above me. Deep breath in. One foot in front of the other. I have no idea of what I will face once I unpack and take the pager for the night. Whereas, attending my weekly classes it felt a bit like this: “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death: The Clinical Pastoral Care Education Program, I will not fear patient visits, presentations, recommendations, nor corrections. For thou are with me when I'm developing my InterFaith services and reminding myself not to say “Jesus” too much (I was written up for this to help me become more of an interfaith pastor, but more on that later.) Thy rod and staff they comfort me during my supervisors, residents and chaplain peer reviews, "the sure nuff hot seats" (Ref: Psalm 23:4). This…is going to be an eye-opening journey.

This chaplaincy calling/gifting isn't something that I was looking for, it was something that God was requiring of me at one of my lowest points in my adult life. "Lord, you want me to do what??? How am I going to be an instrument of your healing, when I so desperately need Your healing for myself?" I have walked through many moments during these past seven years of hospital chaplaincy that have challenged me, taught me and killed the flesh of the person I thought I was. It has helped me encounter a deeper depth of spiritual awakening and maturing in spiritual pastoral care leadership that I wouldn't have obtained any other way. Chaplain's provide pastoral spiritual care to all who need it, that includes: patients, families, friends and any hospital staff too. For the Next Lesson Learned! Come join me on this revealing, open and honest journey of discovery and inspirational examinations. You will find real life experiences, diary entries, patient case events, things relating to my training, emotionally-charged encounters with patients’ families, my perception of lessons learned, and even some lessons that I wish I didn't have to experience, yet did. Please follow me and share your feedback, comments, and questions. Also, if any of you are Hospital Chaplains and/or Pastoral/Spiritual Care providers your experiences are very much welcomed and encouraged to be shared here. See you on the journey of my upcoming book, “The Diary of a Hospital Chaplain!" (release date: 2021). Here's a sneak peek on the next diary entry: Becoming a "Rare Fit" in ministry means becoming "a change agent, birthing purpose through pain!" For the sake of the Chaplain's healing call! Entry 2 – available to read here: www.recreationsministries.com/post/entry-2-becoming-ararefit

Kingdom To You with Love, God

A Vision of KINGDOM LOVE

Pastor Deborah Cherey Brandon

In Spring of 2015, I was sitting at my computer scrolling through Facebook. As I sat there reading the different posts, two words fell in my spirit; “Kingdom Love” I echoed Holy Spirit’s voice and as I looked up, I saw three red hearts all connected side by side. I quickly grabbed my pen and begin to write what it was I heard and saw. I thought to myself “Kingdom Love”, what are you saying God? What is it you want me to know or do with this? I remember being still as I pondered those words awaiting what Holy Spirit would say next. After sitting for about an hour, the room was quiet, but my eyes were fixed on the words “Kingdom Love” and the three red hearts that were connected side by side. I felt compelled to write them all over my paper as they resonated in my heart and begin to stir my spirit! Three days had passed, and I continued to pray and ask God what it was He wanted me to know concerning “Kingdom Love” and what was the significance of the three red hearts that were connected side by side. Later that evening as I laid down to go to bed, I heard it again, “Kingdom Love” and instantaneously I saw the vision of the three red hearts that were connected side by side once more. I cried out Father please what is it you want me to know and suddenly God begin to speak: “My Child” He said, “You must tell them, tell them all of the unconditional, everlasting, Kingdom Love I have for them” I quickly grabbed my journal and begin to write all that God had spoken.

2 1

God said that “Kingdom Love” represents the Love of The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, a Love that flows from the heavens down to His Sons and Daughters upon the earth. Each heart is a reminder of the mercy, love and grace God has extended to us through His Son Jesus Christ whose blood was shed for us on the cross.

I was so overwhelmed in my spirit as God abode with me; telling me and showing me all things “Kingdom Love” would birth in the earth realm. I begin to thank God for His only begotten Son who is the epitome of “Kingdom Love”. It is by His love that we shall have an abundant and everlasting life with our Father. Glory Hallelujah!!! Thank You Lord Jesus!!!

But God commendeth his love toward us, in that,while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8

Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13

God expressed that we must extend this same “Kingdom Love” to everyone! We must love our brothers and sisters correctly and unconditionally; the way God loves us.

After God had spoken, He charged me to share with a dying world the “Kingdom Love” of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. God whose mercy, love and grace has given us extended kindness to love, forgive and resemble our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ through our worship, witness and love. Since then, “Kingdom Love” has not only become my ministry and signature, but a way of life! I purpose in my heart every morning I awake to allow the “Kingdom Love” of God to rule in my heart. I bless God for giving me such an incredible assignment; I am extremely humbled. I thank God that He continues to give me kingdom principles and strategies so that I may cooperate and participate with Holy Spirit as I go forth spreading the good news of Jesus Christ while replicating His “Kingdom Love” to all. The Bible says in all your getting get understanding.

If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen? 1 John 4:20 God begin to show me the wickedness of many hearts and how many have turned away from God because of the lack of love for each other. Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another. Romans 12:10

Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding. Proverbs 4:7

I saw many leaving the church and leaning on their own understanding, many who had become selfish, lustful, and prideful; who chose evil over good.

The more you come to know God’s “Kingdom Love” for you, it will become easier to extend that “Kingdom Love” to others.

Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good. Romans 12:9

He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love. 1 John 4:8

God reminded me of the last and evil days that were sure to come and showed me how desperately we needed to repent and turn from our wicked ways so that we may become a generation of “Kingdom Love,” extending mercy, love and grace, one towards another, that would illuminate the world! A creation that would Arise and Love as God commands in His word.

Loving others is not always an easy thing to do especially on your own, but with God, we are able to walk in this kind of love daily because we now understand that we have the backing of God and that “Kingdom Love” flows from The Father, Son, Holy Spirit, and from Me to Thee, compelling us all to share this Epic Love, Merciful Love and “Kingdom Love!”

Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and everyone that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. 1 John 4:7

Kingdom Love -

2 2

G IV

E T A D N O I T A R I P X E N A E IT

TLER U B D E Y N O SH EVANGELIST

Did you know that milk, butter, cereal, chips, cookies, ice cream, tuna, rice and mayo all have one basic characteristic in common? All of these supplies have an expiration date. Usually found easily on the label. There is a "sell by date", "best used by date", or "discard after this date" letting us, as consumers know, how long the item is good for eating and or using. It is the responsibility of producers or manufacturers to provide quality products and advise just how long they will last. And so it is with us. Everyday we churn out an abundance of thoughts, words, actions and emotions. Depending on the situation or crisis, we will express a fair amount to respond to the need. College semesters have an expiration date, Utility Bills, Mortgage, Medications, Online Shopping Specials all of these have an expiration date assigned to them. This crisis is an excellent time to put some personal expiration dates in action! Stressing about Finances? Put an expiration date on it!!! Anxious about Health in regards to CO-VID19? Wash Your Hands and Put an expiration date on it! Frustrated with the Shelter In Place limitations? Put an expiration date on it! Fearful of tomorrow's challenges? Put an expiration date on it! (and go to sleep!) As producers of our own narrative, we can put an expiration date on the things we control. As for those things outside of our control, we control our response. So today, if you are worried, stressed, frustrated, angry or just plain scared… Do This: Acknowledge what you're feeling Recognize your strengths and limitations Set time to cry and scream Decide on the expiration date to deal with the issue or crisis Surround yourself with positive reinforcement We can better persevere in the middle of all this that is happening in the World today By Giving It An Expiration Date!

2 3

h t i w lfish l s t a r e o a s t g s not is e r h a t s ’ c t g i f l n i d e v S ” an hie When you began to live a life of n o t F c f walking in your God given L na a r E T giftings and purpose you will S “ rk o s i l quickly find out that you MUST l y o h P set boundaries and maintain w . n o i them in order to have a healthy t

mindset and a healthy balance!

Healthy boundaries are not necessarily setup to block others out but to protect your head space from negative and destructive attitudes from others. One thing to remember is when you put up a “stone wall” it will certainly block those unhealthy attitudes from others, but….. it can potentially block you in as well.

Here are some healthy ways to maintain boundaries:

Healthy balance isn’t just about better time management, it’s about better boundary management!

Be cognizant of your feelings, in other words “know your triggers”! For example, if you know that certain people are negative, they have a bad vibe, they bring your mood down by having the “glass is always half empty” type of attitude, avoid contact with them. You can certainly love and pray for them, but from a distance (like how we are currently social distancing)! You simply have to “love from afar”.

Additionally, if you know that you are a giver at heart, you definitely need healthy boundaries! Some people are takers and those types of people typically don’t need (or is even interested in setting) boundaries because they are self-centred. When you know that you have people in your space that fall into this category, set your boundaries and don’t feel as though you need to explain your reasoning to anyone. When you know that you are walking in love, you can have healthy boundaries without disrespecting anyone! To sum it all up, in order to be effective for your family, your job, your ministry, your purpose or for your community; you must first take care of “YOU” and setting healthy boundaries will help you achieve that goal! And that means you need to have: standards self-care time, self-love and be committed to taking care of “YOU”

Know that the word “No” can save you a lot of time and headaches. You can’t always be the go-to person when other people try to capitalize on your time! That little word “NO”; can save you a lot of time, heartache and irritation from people that can’t respect your time or your purpose. So, learn to say “NO” don’t lie, make excuses or explain yourself, just simply decline. (Just say a simple, 'Yes, I will,' or 'No, I won't.' Anything beyond this is from the evil one. Matthew 5:37 NLT) Your time is valuable and once it’s gone, you will never get it back! So be selective in your “Yes” and your “No”. Don’t allow other people’s opinions of you to define you or alter your God given assignment! People will try their best to make you fit into a box that they created for you, don’t let them! You were created for a purpose on purpose, walk in it with your head held high! Not to think that you’re better than anyone, but you certainly are different!

Self-care starts with “SELF” and it’s not selfish to work on achieving this goal. To be honest, it’s actually thoughtful because when you are at your best, you bring your best “A” game! For example, when you’re on a plane and they demonstrate what to do with the oxygen mask in case of an emergency, guess who’s instructed to put the mask on first… YOU! You must have on your mask in order to help the next person. So put on your oxygen mask, take a deep breath, set healthy boundaries and walk into your destiny with your God given gifts, talents and abilities.

Define what current relationships are adding to you and which ones are taking away from you; which are supporting your purpose, dreams and goals or draining you of your sense of stability. Once you find out, make some changes! You can’t afford to stay in those toxic relationships when you know better! Because when you know better you should always do better! Know this, you are RESILANT! When you value yourself, love yourself and respect yourself you will stay within the healthy boundaries that you set.

2 5

WHEN THE COUNSELLOR NEEDS A COUNSELLOR …and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor Isaiah 9:6 Pastor Bianca Morris is an Executive Pastor in training and Associate Pastor and Director of Care Centre on the Board of the Headquarters of the Church Without Walls in Greensboro, North Carolina.

Pastor Bianca Morris

If someone had asked me if this was the path I thought my life would take, I would have said ‘No’ because I wanted to be an Emergency Room Physician. I planned to go to Medical School, I had graduated from college, taken a few years off (because medical school is a huge time commitment). In January 2006 I was getting ready to sign up for a prep class and I ended up being admitted to Duke University Hospital. I was in the hospital for nearly a month and then in and out for a year. I had to have major exploratory surgery and was finally diagnosed with a very rare auto immune disorder. My life was totally out of my control and this all happened before I was thirty years old!

THEOLOGICAL STUDIES Camelle Daley: Such an incredible testimony, thank you so much for sharing. It sounds like counselling has played an important part in your life and helped you to discover your calling. Tell us more about your studies? Pastor Bianca: I am studying a Doctorate of Ministry Programme at Wesley Theological Seminary in Washington DC for Pastors, Chaplin’s, and Clinicians. I’m entering into my last elective class where I’ll be writing and working on my project, which deals with: how the clergy can be cared for in a healthy way. I’ve devised the ‘Care for the Cloth’ Selfcare Model. This is to help ensure clergy are getting what they need.

I went to counselling for help, I felt like things were being stripped away from me and I was losing control. I started out with one therapist who let me vent about how this was so unfair and why this was happening to me.

We’ve been entrusted by God to care for His people, so how well can we do that if we’re not healthy ourselves?

Then I shifted to another therapist who helped me see the core pieces of my life and how I was wired, that I seemed to care for people. They got me to see that I was wired to be a care giver or caretaker for people and called to do it in a mighty way, through counselling and ministry.

For clergy, on a broad spectrum, holistically; over time there has been: no information, misinformation, no education and miseducation around the importance of self-care. Our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit we have to take care of it so the Spirt can flow the way He needs to. What do we feed our temple? Do we eat junk food and process foods or are we trying to eat clean? Do we exercise this temple so that the organs can work? Because we only get one of these and we have it for a set time.

Jesus is the great Counsellor and He’s described this way in scripture. Through my counselling sessions I discovered my call to be in ministry, and pursue counselling, preaching and teaching the Word of God. I attended Charlotte, Gordon Conwell Theological Seminary and ended up able to work in the ministry under the Pastor of Care while studying, assisting and discipling others. That was all God and it was amazing to be able to impact people's lives in an immense way.

My biggest piece of the model is that there is counselling for Pastors and Clergy. There is a necessity for regular counselling because of the weight of the work that they are called to do.

We have all been hurt and broken and had things happen to us, but it’s about how we deal with that. Who’s going to come along side us and walk that out in a way that's not judgmental or condemning. For people to receive their healing, it has to be done in a way that’s encouraging, uplifting, engaging and empowering for people.

In shepherding the lives of the other people, we are the recipients of their lives. We carry the hurts, the concerns, the pain, the abuse that they deal with, so if we don’t have a way to filter those out for ourselves then we house it all and it makes us sick. We need a place to release those things because they can also affect and trigger things that have happened to us and we want to be as objective as possible when we’re serving God’s people.

God caused my life to turn 180 degrees but as time has gone on I’ve been able to make sense of it because we know that God reveals things in part, we prophecy in part because we can’t handle the full picture of everything that He has for us at one time. It’s been amazing to have things confirmed along the way, but also to know that everybody’s journey and process is uniquely designed for who they are. The pressure, the pain and the hell that we go through is all to help us be successful in what we are called to do for the Kingdom. -

MENTAL HEALTH We must also take care of our mental health. We are called to lead but we are still human. The Church, for a long time has been wrong in saying that we don’t need mental health assistance, when we do. We have our faith but we are also human. The family we grew up in, whether healthy or unhealthy has shaped us. We cannot ignore the reality of our lives for the sake 2 7

What can you create for them? Are there pictures you can put together? Can your family come together on zoom and have a memorial informally to talk about that loved one and share stories and memories to honour that loved one? Many people have also planned memorials and engagements later on, when things open up again.

of religion, or for the sake of spirituality, it has to all fit together. As clergy we have to look at ourselves first so we can be as healthy as possible for the people we are called to serve. There is no shame in going to see a counsellor or therapist, it should be a regular part of our ministerial practice. That’s what I’m seeking to advocate in my work. THOUGHTS ON COVID-19 & LOCKDOWN Camelle Daley: What are your thoughts in this season in terms of how you're dealing with Covid19 and lockdown? How are you advising other counsellors to take care of their mental health?

People can hate life right now, because of how they are having to live it. That is real and God has given us our emotions to feel and not to deny them; be they good or bad. We need to know we can draw closer to God, for strength, for healing, for comfort and peace.

Pastor Bianca: It has shifted life as we known it and shifted the control we thought we had. So many things have been stripped from us with this pandemic. So, number one, be real with yourself and be okay with how you are feeling.

Find a way to release, that’s healthy but also true to yourself, that's the key. PRACTICAL TIPS Camelle Daley: What practical tips do you have for women in ministry to manage this season?

I had an uncle that died during this pandemic, (not from Covid), he was in a long-term care facility. It was upsetting that as a family we couldn’t be with him for over five days. I had to take some time out for myself to deal with it and allow the tears to flow.

Pastor Bianca: People may assume, because everyone is at home they have more time but when everybody has to do everything at home all at once, it creates this whirlwind where you find you don’t have as much time. Then you feel overwhelmed which increases your stress level.

I think that’s something clergy, pastors and church leaders need to do; don't deny your emotions. If we suppress them it will make things worse, everybody needs to be real with themselves and how they feel, but also seek help and support if they need it.

In the morning when we wake up, put your hands up to the Lord and say I surrender and start your day off with asking what the Lord would like you to do? Then focus on that thing that He reveals, even outside of other things you may have planned, or other things people may have wanted us to do. What is important is what God is calling us to do.

A lot of counsellors are doing telehealth sessions. I myself, have been doing that for people. A lot of people reach out because they are panicked, their anxiety level is high, there is a lot going on, but it’s about taking action that’s going to be key for us.

This can help us to filter out those things that may not be effective or purposeful for us.

GRIEF Camelle Daley: You touched on grief for women in ministry, and there is also the grief of the congregation not being able to mourn in the way they want to. How are people dealing with it? How are you dealing with it? How are you counselling people in this uncertain time?

REST Rest is such a thing in ministry that we don’t always model well, but Jesus definitely modelled it well. Jesus went to be with his Father to receive what He needed, which was to be restored, to rest and to receive His next instructions from the Father.

Pastor Bianca: Like you said, with the pandemic people are not able to mourn, funerals are basically shut down to 10 people within the immediate family. We witnessed my uncles service via zoom. So, it was good to at least be able to see it.

Learn what helps you to rest. Plan what you want to do for you. Simulate a spa time with music, candles and a bath? Working out is a good stress relief Or just quiet time where your sitting in stillness and silence?

I have advised people to be real with their emotions but also do what they can to honour that loved one. In the absence of not being able to do it in the way they want to.

2 8

Find out what makes you feel recharged and refuelled, then incorporate those practices into your life. Finally take a day or two of sabbath where you’re not doing any work at all and just enjoy life. Camelle Daley: Thank you, Pastor Bianca, could you share any closing thoughts and also how people can connect with you as a woman in ministry. If anyone is interested in counselling. Pastor Bianca: I want you to know that you are amazing, as women in ministry called to great and mighty things. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that is not true, because it is. Don’t let anyone make you underestimate your power or your worth and what God has for you to do. Know that your identity is in God alone and (not what other people may have called you or even what you’ve been). REMEMBER YOUR STORY OF CALLING When did God call you? What was going on in your life? We can have low points in ministry, so we need to recall our story. I read a great book by Edward Wimberly in my first class at Wesley and it talked about the power of recalling our story, to bring forth spiritual renewal for ourselves. If we remember when God first called us that will empower us to continue. There are many biblical stories of powerful and mighty women and we are called to continue that charge. I can be reached through my ministry which is PBLM Ministries Incorporated via pblministriesinc@gmail.com

the shift Rev. Dr. Jacquelyn B. Hurston

Certified Grief Recovery Specialist

Grief is any change in our comfort zones We are in the middle of a new kind of grief For the last 50 plus days, we have been thrust into an unprecedented (in the 21st century) wilderness journey that has not only disrupted our personal lives but has impacted our spiritual selves, as well. We are in a Global Pandemic. Much like Jesus in the wilderness experience, we find ourselves in the middle of something we’ve never known before and have no real understanding of how we will come out. This is often referred to as a Paradigm shift.

A paradigm shift, as described in the Merriam Webster Dictionary, “is an important change that happens when the usual way of doing or thinking about something is replaced by a new and different way.” It is the concept of major change in concepts and practices of how something works or is accomplished. COVID -19 has precipitated such a paradigm shift. Grief = any change in our comfort zone, any comfort zone. We are in the middle of a new kind of grief.

PERSONAL GRIEF As pastors, we have established routines for Sunday or Sabbath services, special services, sacred rituals, clergy conferences, activities and ministries at our churches and in the community. We have established modus operandi for meeting all these needs and all of a sudden, everything changes. We are not allowed in our churches, we have no or limited physical contact with our members or friends, and we must learn new methods for maintaining the normal cadence of ministry. Much like Jesus in the wilderness journey, we have to wrap ourselves in the knowledge that God is always with us and provides the Holy Spirit as a comforter and guide for all our decisions and actions. We must take this quarantine time to heart as We have been forced to Jesus did, to daily, almost hourly, consult with the Master for strength. We must seek learn new methods of the wisdom of God in every situation. We must also capitalize on this quarantine time communication, frame for self-inspection, cleansing and self-care. We have to seek new methods of serving congregant needs, assuring their safety and wellness; We have to find resources for food, safety equipment, etc., all while providing spiritual enrichment, mental health care, providing prayer calls daily, and a myriad of other services.

And what about us? Who cares for us? Where do we find strength?

CONGREGANT GRIEF Our members are stunned. They have an established pattern of behaviour that says, I must be in church on Sunday to meet my obligations to God. Now, when we can’t meet and cover up, we’re discovering some underlying issues and problems that get hidden on Sunday, when they come to church. Domestic violence is at an all-time high, mental health issues are being exposed, little issues that have been swept under the rug are surfacing and being revealed. Family problems coming to the forefront and counselling services are required. Another reason to seriously communicate with God, to be sure that what we say and advise is prudent and salient. We must adhere to the scripture in Colossians 3:16, which say,

“Let the peace of Christ keep you in tune with each other. None of this going off and doing your own thing. And cultivate thankfulness. Let the word of Christ – the Message – have run of the house. Give it plenty of room in your lives. Instruct and direct one another using good common sense. And sing, sing your hearts out to God. Let every detail in your lives – words, actions, whatever – be done in the name of the Master, Jesus, thanking God the Father, every step of the way.” Message Bible

3 1

growth is useful and necessary in producing our next level in God

Additionally, we must find the appropriate services to refer our members to in order to provide care to the membership. Beyond the masks, hand sanitizer, toilet paper, water, gloves and other safety measures we are trying to ensure for our membership; we have a moral responsibility to seek the ancillary help that is needed for their survival. The grief that accompanies these issues is real and must be addressed, as well as the grief we ourselves experience in this comfort zone shift.

PERSONAL GRIEF IN UNPRECEDENTED TIMES What do all these changes mean? Where do I go from here? How will these changes affect ministry for me going forward? There were many things that took place for Jesus in the wilderness. Jesus experienced; power, discipline, grace, redemption, healing, isolation, introduction, invitation and expectations... just to name a few. Jesus spent 40 days in the wilderness and experienced all of these emotions, disappointments, frustrations and more; all in preparation for His ministry. We are already 50 plus days in and have no idea when or how we will come out of this. In this period of shifting we need to be acutely aware of the shifting in the spiritual realm. -

3 2

Three important concepts need to be investigated in this time of isolation and shifting:

1. THE WEIGHT Weight is identified as the amount of something. How heavy or how important something is. Pay attention to: a. The weight of your gifts the greater the weight of your gift, the greater the weight and cost of operating in your purpose. b. The weight of your baggage - your baggage will cost you. Assess your baggage to determine how much weight you carry. c. Recognize that your God has weight - 2 Corinthians 4:17 says, “For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison.” Ministry is not a chore.

2. THE WEALTH Wealth is having a sense of abundance, an abundance that we experience as opposed to what we possess. We will experience: a. A wealth of inspiration - if God has been telling you something, now is the time to get it done. b. A wealth of revelation - this wilderness journey is removing distractions. We have to “isolate to elevate” get in the time and position to receive your revelation.· c. A wealth of transformation - if nothing has changed in the isolation journey, you have not taken advantage of your quiet time with God. Don’t be afraid of the next level.

3. THE EXODUS An exodus is a mass departure of people, an exit. We will: a. Exit the wilderness to enter the promise land - Deuteronomy 1:8 says. “I have given you this land. Go in and take possession of the land the Lord swore He would give to your fathers.” Possession depends on you. b. Exit the wilderness to enter the ministry - although we are already engaged in some form of ministry, there may be more to do, a different way of doing ministry: we asked for a break and we got it. Jesus’ ministry began when he exited the wilderness. c. Exit the wilderness to enter your season of miracles - the first miracle performed by Jesus came immediately following his exit from the wilderness. Let God LEAD you to another level in Him and in ministry.

The paradigm shift is upon us and it is real, the grief that we are experiencing is purposeful. The growth we can expect is useful and necessary in producing our next level in God. Global Pandemic, a Paradigm Shift to a closer, more intimate walk with God. -

3 3

Sharing the Gospel in unprecedented Times

Jeanette McCarthy

As I sit down to write this article, (at the time of writing here in the UK we are still right in the throes of the Covid 19 pandemic) people are losing loved ones, businesses are closing, livelihoods are being impacted. People are battling with their mental health, domestic violence, abuse is on the increase and families have been separated from their loved ones for several weeks. I am sure, wherever you are reading this article you are hearing similar heart-breaking reports. So how in the world is evangelism relevant at a time like this?

In Luke Chapter 10 verses 1-9, Jesus sends out the seventy in pairs to every city to prepare it for when He Himself would arrive. Jesus lays out a blueprint of evangelism that we can draw insight from, even in times like these. Build relationships Serve their needs Pave the way for Jesus

The scripture tells us that these disciples were instructed to stay in someone’s home, speak peace over the house and eat there. This speaks to building relationship. In this season we have been given the gift of time; how we use it is up to us. We know we can’t physically connect with people, but we can still find ways to reach out. This is the opportunity to pray and witness to our unsaved loved ones. We can build a stronger relationship with our church members and visitors, this is an opportunity to get to know our neighbours, or join a local online community group and prayerfully ask Jesus to help us be His light in conversations.

3 4

Jesus instructed the seventy to go house to house because relationship takes time. Perhaps the Lord is leading us to make relationships a priority. The seventy were also instructed to heal the sick and proclaim the Kingdom of God to others. At this time, we have an opportunity to serve others like never before. The gospel has never been more relevant than in a time of crisis. If anyone is going to be a beacon of hope to show others how-to walk-through adversity, it should be the Christian. Light shines brightest in the darkest places and that’s what we are salt and light. This is when our neighbours, work colleagues, family members, communities need us the most and we can rise to the occasion. We can bring healing to hearts by how we show love for people; in the gentleness of a phonecall, a friendly conversation with a stranger in a que, while we wait to pay for our shopping. A handwritten card posted to a loved one living on their own, just to say, “I’m thinking of you”. Volunteering to deliver essential items to those in our community or setting up video calls and community groups on social media to help people stay connected. We have an amazing opportunity to be creative in proclaiming the Kingdom of God, and it can be as simple or elaborate as our faith can reach for. When you’re that voice of comfort to a family member who just lost a loved one in hospital, when your that ray of hope, encouraging that young person on the phone to make wise choices about who they’re on social media with. When your delivering shopping to an elderly congregant and taking the time to make sure they’re doing okay. You are being the hands and feet of Jesus. You are paving the way for Jesus to come into people’s hearts. Even if we can’t hug someone and hold their hand, we can hold them in prayer.

Don’t grow weary in well doing, let’s be who we are and walk worthy of our calling. Loving consistently and serving humbly. Trusting that God will use us to be such a person of peace, that others will look and inquire about the hope we have.

I used to be bound by drugs, bound by selling and smoking crack cocaine. I didn’t wake up one day and decide to be a user, but the tragedy of a house fire and losing two of my children to death and the other three to CPS. I felt I had nothing to live for. Trying to find something that would ease the pain and help me to forget the constant guilt and heartache that was ever present. A “friend” introduced me to smoking crack, instead of relieving the pain, it enhanced the pain and increased the grief. One night, I made up in my mind that I was sick and tired of being sick and tired of ME! I walked all night, trying to decide how to end my life. I sat down and wrote a suicide note, for my daughter to tell my two boys that it had nothing to do with any of them, but that I couldn’t go on any longer. As I was walking and looking for a place to commit suicide, I met a lady that I watched go to church oftentimes. She began to witness to me and tell me that God was all that I needed, that I needed to start going to church. This was true and I was captivated and began to listen in hope, but then she lit a cigarette and I walked away. You must remember, I’m bound by smoking a crack pipe! I said within myself,” if God can’t keep her from smoking cigarettes there’s no way he can keep me from smoking that pipe!” Oh, but God has never left himself without a witness. I went a few blocks and I ran into a Holy Ghost filled witness; she began to tell me that I didn’t have to stay in the shape that I was in. She said, there is a better life, because Jesus loves you! She asked me if I would like to be Saved, it sounded like good news to me! They coached me through the repentance prayer, I repented of my sins, asked God to save me. Then being told that I needed to tell God what I wanted Him to do. I told God that if He would take the desire for drugs away from me, I would live for God the rest of my life!

The witness said there is another step, that I needed power to live right! She said ask God for the Holy Ghost and I asked God to fill me and that’s as far as I got! I began to speak in an unknown tongue as the Spirit gave utterance. God filled me with the Holy Ghost and that’s been over 26 years ago! December 9, 1993 about 5:00am on a Thursday evening. Not one time have I ever smoked another rock, never took another drink, never been in another club! God changed my life and gave me the Power to live right! I can testify that God Will Save you and Keep you.... IF you want to be kept. So much more, but this is the Best thing that ever happened to me.

I never smoked again

Phyllis Hancock

Greater love hath no manÂ than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13

Friendship Series for women in ministry

What a Friend we have in Jesus Overseer Pastor Willoughby

Being a woman in the ministry is difficult. We as women are often over-looked and talked down upon. It’s essential we stand together in our friendship through Christ. I have been a pastor for 11 years, when you are doing the will of God, you will find you don’t have many friends. But oh, what a friend we have in Jesus! I would like to encourage the women of God to stay on the battlefield. We are soldiers in the army of the Lord. The Lord said He would never leave nor forsake us. So, let us stay encouraged. Knowing that we can do all things through Christ that strengthens us. (Philippians 4:13) I’m also asking for prayers, as I continue to further my education in Theology.

S i s t e r F r i e n d

Facebook: Terrie Savage Reed Instagram: @drtsreed Twitter: @pastortsreed

Dr. Terrie S Reed

Friendship, sanctioned by God, is as an extension of the blood family. Personally, I have six sisters, but sometimes my best (closest) friend seems to understand me better and I have officially given her the title of Sister. These past three years of sisterhood/friendship have brought us some interesting and devastating news, but we have made it through. As we trust and lean on each other and God, our sisterhood/friendship is strong and constantly developing.

Friendships can be fulfilling and complicated as seen in the biblical story of David and Jonathan (1 Samuel 20). They were best friends (closer than brothers) and would do anything for each other; one would say they formed a covenant of friendship. (A covenant remains until death occurs.) During their friendship, King Saul tried to interfere by recruiting Jonathan to kill David. Jonathan did not comply, but he eventually died so David could be king. If your friendship is sanctioned by God, other people will try to interfere to disrupt what God has authorized, but God’s plan always prevail. My “sister” and I developed a friendship after we realized that we had met years before but had not been properly introduced. She is a talk show host and I attended her first taping. I did not go to any of the other tapings for some years; quite frankly, I went to the first one by invitation. Eleven (11) years passed by before I saw her again, at one of her social events, by invitation (again). I’m not usually a bold person, but I wanted to properly meet her to let her know that I was in attendance at her first taping and how much I loved it. Of course, she asked me if I had attended any other shows. Laughingly, I said “no”, but I knew her show had to be of excellent quality and popular viewership to still be airing! In our conversation, we found that our ministries are similar in that we both have a girls mentoring group; we absolutely love encouraging other women, especially those who are struggling with self-esteem and courage issues; and our love for God is profound and foremost! Our personal spiritual lives were full of hearing from God and moving obediently. So, naturally, we encouraged each other to take the next step in the plan of God – friendship, and eventually, sisterhood! Now, we find ourselves creating some of the best memories and our sisterhood/friendship is approved by God. We have developed mutual trust that is formed when people have freedom to be honest and vulnerable. On a weekly basis, we talk at least two-three hours, I’ve attended more tapings and she has asked me to do a cooking segment on the show!

3 9

We’ve included monthly road trips that include shopping, restaurant hopping and of course, nonstop talking and laughing! She has also become an integral part of my blood sisters lives by developing personal relationships with some of them.

I realize that some friendships last for a season and some will last for the duration of life. As in David and Jonathan’s story, people will try to interfere to cause problems and eventually destroy the relationship. If the friendship is to last, you have to know the elements of your friendship; explore all the possibilities; and be yourself!

Here’s what I have learned: Don’t be afraid of people – they are just people that God has made, like you Be open to genuine, authentic relationships Explore your differences and similarities; then, embrace them

Allow the relationship to happen organically; don’t force or rush And, most of all – just have fun!!!

Navigating a new season during this time of social and physical distancing can be extremely challenging. Saying “All is well” cannot be just something that we say to pacify the time, but we must have faith and declare it over our lives and others. As women of God working in ministry, this is a pivotal time for each one of us to use every opportunity that’s presented to us to strengthen our relationship with God and walk in the vocation of which he called us.

Kingdom connections vs. ungodly associations

LaTeena Bartee

As I prayed to God about what topic to address and in what manner to deliver it, God talked to me about true friendship between females. Within Gods Word; God speaks to us about the characteristics of true friends, how to discern between friends and associates and also shows us examples of friendship. My desire is that you gain an understanding of friendship through a biblical context as I give you 4 points. 1. It's not how many friends you have, but the QUALITY within your friendship that matters When we talk about friends, I think it’s important to stress that it’s not quantity (amount of friends that you have) but it’s the quality (the bond that’s built on trust, agape love and grows overtime). During my lifetime, I have learned from personal experience that having many friends as girls can be chaotic, if you are not all on the same page. Quality produces growth in a friendship. You and your friends do not have to have the same interest but somewhere in your lives, you have all reached or strive to reach a common goal. 2. True friends believe in BUILDING True friends will rejoice in your successes, encourage you through hard times, be honest if your decision making is incorrect and intercede for you in times of weakness. In Job 42:10 (KJV) “And the Lord turned the captivity of Job, when he prayed for his friends: also the Lord gave Job twice as much as he had before” Putting God first and intercession in your friendship is essential. Prayer of agreement is powerful especially when you are in one accord. They are secure in who they are or becoming and are focused on building and not tearing down. They won’t be jealous of your ministry, anointing, nor try to sabotage you in your spiritual growth. True friends will accept you for who you are and not try to change you based on who they want you to be.

3. Destruction in friendship comes by the way of the spirit of offense In Proverbs 17:9 in the Amplified Bible “He who covers and forgives an offense seeks love, But he who repeats or gossips about a matter separates intimate friends”. You will not always agree and you may argue at times during your friendship. It is healthy to listen to your friend’s perspective and their reasoning. Being open to communication will allow you to hear each other out and come up with a resolve. You really have to discern where she is coming from. An offense can grow from a simple disagreement. When one harbours feelings in their heart towards another, this makes an offense. God gives us the method of how we should handle an offense. Matthew 18:15-17 Amplified “If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens and pays attention to you, you have won back your brother. But if he does not listen, take along with you one or two others, so that every word may be confirmed by the testimony of two or three witnesses. If he pays no attention to them [refusing to listen and obey], tell it to the [b]church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile (unbeliever) and a tax collector. Generally speaking, if an offense between friends is not addressed by both parties effectively, it can be very destructive. 4. There is a difference between Kingdom connections vs. ungodly associations Psalms 1 Blessed [fortunate, prosperous, and favored by God] is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked [following their advice and example], Nor stand in the path of sinners, Nor sit [down to rest] in the seat of [b]scoffers (ridiculers). But his delight is in the law of the Lord, And on His law [His precepts and teachings] he [habitually] meditates day and night.

4 0

1 Corinthians 5:11 Do not be deceived: “Bad company corrupts good morals.” Ask counsel from the LORD before you choose a friend. Being kingdom connected with another person is due to a specific purpose in the plan of God for both of your lives. Let us refer to the biblical passage about the wolves in sheep clothing in Matthew 7:15. This scripture not only can be applied to false prophets but also friendship and how sometimes people can appear to be your friend but have another motive in befriending you. God tells us to not be deceived but to be able to identify the love of God within the person. Yes keep in mind that the person is a soul but that person may not be a person that you need to befriend at this time. Deceiving can also come by the way of flattery (Daniel 11:32). Don’t be judgmental but be very discerning. These lessons have come from my own personal experience. In closing, my prayer is that this article has brought some insight and understanding as you develop friendships within ministry. May God continue to bless every reader and writer that has gone forth in faith.

Ask counsel from the LORD before you choose a friend "to friend"

"or not to friend" Lord that is my question?

"Yes keep in mind that the person is a soul but that person may not be a person that you need to befriend at this time" -

4 1

I Have Learned... What True Friends Are

Pastor Jessie Faye Manuel

Relationships of all kinds take work. I say something akin to that in almost every article I write. In fact, when it comes to relations, I will tell you that you don’t reap the benefits of a good relationship unless you commit to working hard at it. But sometimes, we get stuck in our ways and don’t quite know how to get unstuck. If you are serious you will try your best to help make this relationship habit worth fixing if you want to keep your relationship going strong. Friendship is essential for the successful wellbeing of every person. It is based on the simple rules of trust and honesty. A true friend is a person you can always count on when you face challenges and serious problems. He or she always offers a shoulder to cry on in case something wrong happens. A true friend is never envious of your accomplishments and achievements. This person respects you and keeps all your secrets. You can always tell your trusted friend your flaws and be sure that your revelations are safe. A good friend is always loyal to you and never lets you down. Being trustworthy is a very important factor in mine and any friendship. A true friend is there for you in the times of need, he or she makes you smile when you forgot how to, and lift you up when you can`t lift up yourself. A true friend is one who never deserts you and is your inseparable companion in the time of happiness and sorrow. However, it is necessary to judge people correctly in order to make the right choice of a true friend. We should be very careful as there are a lot of people who can easily deceive others in order to gratify their self –interest and achieve their aims. This person should help you move on the right path. You should be patient and have a sense of tolerance to maintain a good friendship. There should be no suspicion and no disbelief in such kind of relationship. A true friendship is something that can`t be expressed with words. Friendship is being able to cry together. Friendship is being mad at each other. True friends are always ready to protect each other from being hurt emotionally and physically. It takes time and patience to build a strong friendship and achieve trust between two friends. It is very important to have somebody with whom you can share your thoughts freely. True friends are worth more than all the treasures of the world. Friendship is doing your best to make your friend happy. Friendship is forever, no matter what. It is the most wonderful relationship that every person can have if he or she is loyal, dependable, kind, caring and loving. True friends try to avoid conflicts and do everything possible to make their relations stronger. Some people can even make sacrifices and risk their lives for a friend. Even sometimes when that friend is not faithful or truthful to your friendship, I know that a true friend is hard to come across so if you have one you need to hold on with all your might. There is a saying that I haven’t had the experience of yet; “you don’t miss your water until the well is dry.” Sometimes we are hurt by our best of friends, but that’s the chance you take when you trust another person. So, what I’m saying is that a true friendship is a relationship with tears, denial, and suffering. In friendships there are times we should be kind vs being right. That is why we should appreciate this divine relationship that is based on understanding and feelings. There are a lot of benefits of friendship. Lasting friendship is a blessing for everybody. We don`t have to pretend to be someone else when we spend time with our friends.

Friendship F o r g e d in Lockdown Jeanette McCarthy

We are several weeks into lockdown at the time of writing this article, and I am reflecting on how the pandemic has impacted our friendships. Connecting with family and friends has been such a lifeline to me. Video calls from family and friends praying with me, sending me encouraging messages and funny videos. (Even in these serious times, it’s important to laugh now and again). It would have been understandable for people to focus on their own immediate needs. Yet they have taken the time to remind me I’m loved and thought of, and I cherish them even more for it. Perhaps during lockdown, you have been pleasantly surprised by those who have reached out to support you and surprised by those who have not. It is in times of crisis we can begin to see the true value of the people around us. Who is there for you when you need support? ‘It’s lonely at the top.’ Is not a quote that should apply to those in Christian leadership. Sadly, we know for some it still does. Tough times are when we need our friends the most. During this pandemic, the demand on your time and ministry may have increased, with so much uncertainty, more people may be seeking spiritual guidance and counsel than ever before. So, the question is, who do you talk to when you need support? Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.(Eccls 4:9-10 New Living Translation)

When we are having a low day, how easy is it for us to acknowledge how we feel? Do we naturally pick up the phone to talk to a friend like we would encourage someone else to do? Sometimes our self-talk can be so unhelpful, we say things such as; I don’t want to be a bother to anyone, they have their own problems. I’m a Christian leader I should be able to handle this myself. What will the person think of me? Will they think I’m weak or lack faith? All of these statements and anything like them are lies from the enemy. We are made for community and we are not meant to walk this walk alone. Recently I shared with a friend that I was having difficulty sleeping during the night. My friend did not judge me but prayed with me over the phone for several nights until the matter was resolved. I was so glad I took the time to have a ‘real talk’ conversation with a trusted friend. On the lighter side we can try to remember our friend’s special occasions; birthdays, anniversaries etc. We may think the person can’t celebrate properly in lockdown so why remind them. The truth is a lovely e-card or you taking the time to video call and sing happy birthday (even slightly off key), will probably mean the world to them. Let your friends know they are not forgotten. Finally, let’s try and remember those in our congregations who may go for days without hearing from anyone. Loneliness is not prejudice, there will be young people living on their own as well as single adults and the elderly. Think of the single parent who, even though she is not on her own, would love to have a grown-up conversation with someone. Let’s ask the Holy Spirit to lay someone on our hearts and then pick up the phone and ask how they are doing! You never know how timely your call may be and what a difference you can make.

The

Shared Sacred Space If one falls down, his friend can help him up… Ecclesiastes 4:10

of Friendship

Friends = a group of people allowed into a shared and sacred space. I believe some of the best memories that lasts a lifetime are made with friends, the ones who throw you a “life-line”. When you find yourself in a crisis, can you name people who will be by on your side? When there is good news to share, do you have that one person you can’t wait to share the news with and upon hearing it, they are just as excited as you?

"I believe some of the best memories that lasts a lifetime are made with friends"

Minister Natasha Gibson Dallas-Fort Worth, TX www.asoneministry.net

Awhile back, a friend gave me a plaque with the saying:

Don’t Get Too Comfortable in Isolation When you are disappointed it is very easy to isolate yourself from people. Trust me, as I speak from the ‘introvert’ filter. Don’t get me wrong, at times, yes, you will need to remove yourself from the situation and the person(s) causing the offense and that is a healthy choice. From an unhealthy perspective, isolating yourself and writing people off, you are not giving room to implement forgiveness and we must forgive or our Father will not forgive us. (Matthew 6:14-15)

“We’ll be friends till we’re old and senile, then we’ll be new friends.” I can’t tell you how many times I have read this little plaque and just chuckled and at the same time the warmth that I feel when I think about her. To know that someone who read those words thought of me in this way is truly special. That is a person who I’ve let into my shared and sacred space.

Don’t Be Impatient

There is something to be said about what friendships can offer whether it is personal or business, there is a common understanding of trust. Trust is subjective; however, it carries the same weight if it is lost. Being a friend or even a trusted associate is not to be taken lightly.

Listen, hurt is hurt and it doesn’t matter who hurts you. The impact of the offense brings about the same emotional triggers of fight or flight as if you’re in actual danger. So, once you become aware of the offense, take it to the Lord and allow Him to work within your heart. Be anxious for nothing but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. (Philippians 4:6) This is where you must not be tempted to gossip about the situation but instead be diligent in prayer.

The Teamwork Recently, my husband and I were looking into an investment property and we utilized a trusted associate to help us through the process. Early on, we hit a snag in the process, and instead of giving up and telling us the transaction was not possible, this person found a way because they knew of our desire and the vision God had given us. Instead, the news that was given was there IS a way and we ended up being able to move forward and acquire the property. Glory to God! I not only call him a friend but our “Ram” in the bush. We had to be vulnerable and share our vision because God knew we couldn’t do it alone. Sometimes, we have to let people into our sacred place even when there is no prior relationship.

Don’t Be Inconsistent God is the same yesterday, today, and forevermore. If we are made in his image, this is a characteristic I am sure he wants us to display as well. Be consistent in your prayer life, actions, and faithfulness in your relationships. Just as you want others to be there for you; you must also be willing to be there for them. Life will carry on through the good and the bad. Just remember it is best to go through all of it with others to help multiply the joys of life and divide the sorrows of life. Ministry can be a lonely road but it doesn’t have to be travelled alone.

God will use others to help accomplish the vision. That is why he reminds us to write the vision and make it plain so others who may read it can run with it. God is no respecter of persons and he is faithful to his word. All resources and laborers in the field should work together for the glory of God. When you come together as one, you come together in unity and that commands the blessings of the Lord (Psalm 133)

“Some people come into your life for a season and some come into your life for a lifetime, either way, there is a reason!” In His Service!

But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up…

Sometimes, we have to let people into our sacred place even when there is no prior relationship.

We all know everyone deals with the uncertainties of life differently and that there is a greater chance of disagreements that leads to uneasy conversation or misunderstanding. Woman of God, the best way to overcome this division and isolation is to communicate. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been disappointed with the people of God in the House of God, BUT GOD!

4 5

Dating While Serving in Ministry

Chantea M. Williams

Dating today is very interesting. The climate of our society says anything goes. As long as you love each other, then it should work. As long as you get along, then everything will be okay. You can pray away anything, right? You can pray and God will fix him, right? You don’t have to worry about all that other stuff because it really doesn’t matter… It does matter. All of it matters. If you don’t share the same beliefs, faith and doctrine, the relationship is already in trouble before it ever starts. When you are a woman serving in ministry, you have to be very particular about who you chose to date. This person will either make you better pushing you closer to God or they will slowly draw you away from Him.

“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.” Romans 12:2

"there also must be boundaries put in place to protect us and our calling"

As ministry servants, we don’t have the option to conform to this world on anything, especially dating. We can’t date cute and unsaved in hopes that our prayers will save him. The standard has already been set for us and we are called to live by it. Yes, we can date and have fun but there also must be boundaries put in place to protect us and our calling. We cannot allow ourselves to be put in compromising positions and then say, “I’m under grace.” You must know your limits and act accordingly. I know it’s hard to be in ministry and waiting for Mr. Right. It seems like everyone else has found the ONE and you’re looking up in the sky asking God, “Can you give me a clue?” As a single woman in ministry myself, trust me, I feel ALL OF YOUR PAIN. Don’t be in so much of a rush to change your last name, that you overlook key factors that will negatively affect you and your ministry. I’ve heard many preachers say that it’s better to be single than married and miserable. I know you’ve heard it a thousand times and it doesn’t fix your loneliness or desire to be in a relationship. There is nothing wrong with desiring affection. That is not a sin. God made man and woman to desire each other. We just have to make sure our desires line up with what God has already chosen for our life. Then here’s the million-dollar question that everyone has an answer to, “How do you know when he’s the right one?”

Let me give you some tips that I’m currently living out that can assist you: 1. Know Your Purpose: When you know what God has called you to do then you tend to make better choices in who you are dating. Make sure he can add to your purpose and not just benefit from it. 2. Know Yourself: It is imperative that we know who we are, what we like and don’t like, what we can handle and what we bring to the table. We are less likely to be manipulated when we are confident in ourselves. 3. Follow Your Intuition: Most of the time our first thoughts about someone is the truth. Listen to what is not being said and watch what is not being done. We can all talk a good talk but walking it out consistently, is a different story. 4. Stay True To Your Faith: I believe you should date someone who has the same faith and beliefs as you. The guidelines of your faith tells you how to live your life. The Holy Bible is our instruction manual. If the person you choose to date doesn’t believe in the entire Bible, then there will be some challenges. 5. Have Fun: Life is too short to be uptight. Know your limits and have an accountability partner who will check on you to make sure you haven’t slipped.

Remember that desiring to be loved is natural. God made man and woman to be co-dependent on each other. In the same sense, don’t settle because you are tired of being alone, sleeping in a cold bed and no one to show off. Wait and truly analyse the relationship and ask yourself; Would I trust this person with my life? Would I want to have children with them? Can I really live a lifetime with them? What value are they adding to my life? If your answers are not positive for all these questions, you may want to step back and really look at what’s going on. Don’t allow yourself to conform because the biological clock is ticking. Be honest with yourself and be honest with him! The reach of your ministry depends on it.

Covenant Friendship in Ministry Pastor Hope Drew Covenant (an alliance) friendship in ministry is a priceless asset that should be highly valued and respected. You will find in ministry that friends will be very easy to acquire, but finding covenant friendships that compliment, motivate and inspire you to be a better you are like finding a diamond in the rough.

ht e g ot de tt ink yn om

cnys n i

Matthew 17:1-2 After six days Jesus taketh Peter, James, and John his brother, and bringeth them up into an high mountain apart, And was transfigured before them: and his face did shine as the sun, and his raiment was white as the light.

Jesus himself was the epitome of one who understood the value of covenant friendship. Jesus chose twelve disciples to follow him and participate in His ministry work, but He only allowed three to follow Him into the most sacred places.

rah n

Experiencing this type of covenant friendship, especially in ministry will not occur often; which is why it is imperative that when you are blessed to share such a connection with another person you must display extreme graciousness to the Father for knowing and fulfilling your need. Even, if you don’t feel like it is something you need at the time.

In 1 Samuel 18:1-5, Johnathan, Saul’s son and David’s soul became knitted together at the very moment David was brought into Saul’s home and because Johnathan loved David as his own soul, Johnathan established a covenant friendship with David. David, would not soon after, have to use their covenant friendship to remain alive as he was on the run from Saul.

As a Woman of God in ministry covenant friendship is pertinent to your success. Yes, you can do ministry alone and most likely you can do it well, but there is nothing like having a covenant friend in whom you can depend upon during your most trying and most vulnerable times. Allow me to be transparent in my experience with covenant friendship, years ago God established a convent relationship between me and another sister. Over the years our friendship and love for one another grew. As we both grew into the ministry call on our lives, I underestimated the value, strength and love of our covenant friendship. So, I severed communications with my covenant sister, Lady Dee Ross. I continued serving in ministry without having my confidant and trusted ally by my side. Overtime, “doing” ministry became very lonely. Yes, I had many people around me, but none that I could connect with in the Spirit. I endured many lonely days, special events and momentous occasions without my covenant sister. It was so lonely for me at the top.

My ministry was moving forward, but inwardly I felt so alone. I prayed and asked God to send me an entrusted friend that I could connect with and you know what He did. He re-established the connection between me and Lady Dee. Our reconnection has brought inner joy back to both of our hearts. I didn’t understand the power of two, but our Lord and Saviour understood this concept very well in Mark 6:7, when He sent His disciples out by twos to fulfil ministry works, He didn’t send them out to do ministry alone.

Covenant friendship transcends beyond ministry and will reach all areas of your life, if you allow it to. I encourage you Woman of God to remain vigilant and prayerful and when God sends you your covenant sister know that you have the liberty to be open, honest, strong and vulnerable all at the same time. I promise, you will experience joy and peace in knowing you have a trustworthy covenant friend on whom you can always depend! There is a covenant sister, God has ordained for you. Covenant friendship will last a lifetime! May God bless you with the covenant friend that will inspire you to be a better you!

TEAMWORK

Elected & Ordained now it's your

first staff meeting Denise Farquharson

Denise is a Leadership Coach for Corporate Christian Women, Wife of a pastor and specialises in personality profiles for effective communications and emotional intelligence www.Denisefarquharson.com Denise@denisefarquharson.com Facebook: denisefarquharsoncoaching

It sounds like quite a celebration. And it is. The events leading up to it and then post event ceremonies are all part of the mammoth task ahead. But to do it and deliver with effectiveness and ease is not a one 'woman' band. Indeed you will need the guidance of the Lord Jesus to direct and lead you, your staff are crucial to that success too.

So how do you kick off your first staff meeting? Well, it all depends I guess on how many staff you have, whether it is 20 or 2 they still need good leadership, strategy, interaction and learn about who you are. Getting to know them, is key. Think about Jesus and the way he chose and interacted with his disciples. Down by the seaside he found those who were determined, disciplined and direct in their approach as fishermen this personality trait was quite important. Which of your staff have that determined approach?

Consider the four types of staff you have. Be mindful of what they are saying, how it is being said and respond accordingly. Ultimately you have a good set of followers who will support, encourage and help you be effective in your new ordained role. “I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” Psalm 139 v 14 The four types of staff you may have: (DISC Traits – based on positive personality profile traits)

D i s c

Jesus' own siblings - John and James were quite sensitive, sweet and liked the status quo. They spent time doing seemingly mundane tasks but they were actually ultra-supportive of everything Jesus did. Consider your supportive staff who are there all the time. Committed and faithful. A few of them like Thomas were quite cautious, calculating and contemplative. Those types of staff can be brilliant at highlighting potential pitfalls or risks in any of your church plans. Be aware and listen to their outlines. Some of the disciples were the life and energy of the crowd, they were inspiring, imaginative and involved. They most likely helped to entertain and draw the crowd’s attention to Jesus being in town. These type of staff can be such fun and bring so much joy to the mundane, that you would always want them around.

5 1

Determined Disciplined Direct Inspiring Imaginative Involved Sensitive Sweet Likes the status quo Cautious Calculating Contemplative

Calling out the writer in you

Raising up writers God is using Ordained Magazine to raise up writers. This section is dedicated to books, writers and publishing. Will you be a writer for Ordained Magazine? (See Call for Articles on p58)

Do you have a message to share? Have you been feeling the need to write? Were you writing regularly and stopped?

Writers Tip: The more you pour in; the more you can draw from as you write!

I encourage you to create a Learning Plan for the rest of the year. Go month by month and list the books you need to read and re-read, plus audiobooks to listen to and training courses to start and complete.

Testimony: "because of Ordained Magazine I am now a Published Writer" "I have been wanting to write for years and because of Ordained Magazine I have dusted off my pen" "I try to write at a level that is understood by everyone without any hint of condescension. My mother once told me that: “academics are a dime a dozen, but one who writes clearly is rare... and brave, because when you write clearly, you risk being understood” - Lauren -

5 3

www.houseofilona.com FULL LENGTH CLERGY DRESS

g n i h c u g n o i T e e r g A &

Rev. Heddie J. Simmons FB: Heddie J. Simmons IG: a_poetic_Ministree

We have to Touch The Lives of Others In Order to Live Among One Another

This Occurs when WE Touch and Agree With The Spirit of Our Heavenly Father Respectively Always Putting God First Truly is the Key Seeking His Will Allows A Flow to BE When Our Spirit Touches His Holy Spirit WE Tend to Stay In Line when we Hear Him We Team Up With a Power That Cannot Be Beaten All Lives Matter and Every Soul Does Win Touching and Agreeing is All About God’s Spirit Our Fleshly Bodies Begin to Obey as We Obey Him There is an Order That Can Not BE Denied PEACE takes Precedent and All understands Why

Healthy Friendships Develop and Takes its Place Teamwork Rapidly Helps All Souls to Run Their Race Agreeing With God Is the Reason for Us to BE P.S. Touching and Agreeing Is All About God’s Spirit, Not Your Flesh.

p.s.

I Bring You Peace Rev. Heddie J.

www.houseofilona.com ESTHER CLERGY BLOUSE

because of your Yes! because of your Yes, people are free because of your Yes, I am blessed because of your Yes, I overcome because of your Yes, I have a Godly example to follow because of your Yes, I have a relationship with God because of your Yes, I have grown in God because of your Yes, I can face adversity because of your Yes There is healing in your Yes There is breakthrough in your Yes There is deliverance in your Yes Yes Yields Yes Connects Yes Commits Yes to His will Yes to His way Yes Yes Yes

Thank you for your Yes Camelle Daley

Call for articles TOPIC:

Please email articles to:

Ordained@houseofiona.com

By 3rd July 2020

Self Care Summer Self-care is any activity that we do deliberately in order to take care of our mental, emotional, and physical health. Although it's a simple concept in theory, it's something we very often overlook. Good selfcare is key to an improved mood and reduced anxiety.

The next Edition of Ordained Magazine is all about a Self -Care Summer. Do you have a testimony, lesson or word to share on the areas of mental health, emotional health and physical health? OR Can you answer one of these three questions? 1. What does your self-care look like for you? 2. Can you share an experience giving or receiving counselling? 3. What advice would you give to Women in Ministry about the importance of self-care?