To All who love me and who hate me that you make me strong
Camus September 2012
- 3 -
Before story
the
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6
of
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8
Coming Back in Tears
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19
Leaving with Smile
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35
Time to Live
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45
Time to Die
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Alive
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Joy
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Calling Death
- 5 -
Before
the
Story
"Present" - one day, a child asked me about the word, so we checked that from a dictionary and found some different meanings: 1) now; 2) being here; 3) the matter in hand. It is very interesting, I think, if I write a story named "Present". Then I had an idea to write a story about death. Death comes
was
one
suddenly
as
of
my many
fear.
It
people
always
I
known
passed away without any respond; their life ended accidently.
Because of the ignorance about death, I am afraid of it so much. It seems a monster who comes without notice, and divests all you possessions, including the most valuable life. I tried writing.
to
think
this
issue
though
Last summer, I told one of my friends about the idea of the story.
best Her
encouragement pushed me to write down this story smoothly. Until the last part of the story, I stopped to plan about the ending. I put down my pen to stop the writing, and listened to my heart honestly which helped me to transform the fear of death into the blooming of life. In these days, thought many ways, I puzzled the fragments in my heart, and saw a beautiful picture. After that, I started to complete the end of the story. I reconstructed myself who had been suffered in pain for a year, then I started the proofreading of "Present". At the same time, I have started the sequel "The Live House". The sense of words is my talent; using of my talent is the best answer to thank God granted me the graceful gift. If there is God, I would like to be his servant, just like Mother Teresa who would like to be a pencil of the Lord. Camus 13 August 2012
- 7 -
Calling
of
Death
One year summer.
Okin rode on his favourite bike fast on a highway. His bike was decorated by red bright plastic cover with eye-catching flame pattern. Enjoying the strong beats of music, he was flying in the wind.
It was his time to be free. time to die.
It was his
As he was rushing down the ramp, a man suddenly appeared in the center of the road. Okin twisted the handlebars instinctively to dodge, and went across the opposite traffic lanes. A coming lorry tried to stop but failed. The bike crashed into the lorry and drawn into it underneath.
Being bitterly disappointed, all witnessed the accident could not help.
- 9 -
Everything turned darkness while Okin did not know what trouble was happened. He lost his weight and floated in the air. He did not have any idea. "Is this the feeling thought, "It's so simple."
of
death?"
He
Suddenly he saw a man, or it may said that the man appeared on his mind. It was the mysterious man stood in the center of the road. Okin sensed he was not a human. "Are you Death?" Okin asked. The man did not answer, but shook head. He beckoned Okin to follow.
his
Okin considered nothing but fellow him. His body became firm and his legs landed and could run on the ground as usual. In a strange space, he did not know how far he had gone behind the man. Tha man suddenly stopped, and turned to Okin, "You're the one I'm looking for." Okin wondered, "Am I dead?" "Not left."
yet,"
"One second?
the
man
said,
"one
What's that mean?"
second
"Because I don't want you to die now," the man said, " I am the Soul Guide that people call me Death."
"Since I meet Death, my number is up." Okin snorted.
"You aren't afraid of death, are you?" said the Soul Guide.
"Living is waiting for dying, isn't it?" Okin said nonchalantly. "People are destined to die when they are born, so I don't have any expectation on my life."
"Really?" closely.
The
Soul
Guide
questioned
Okin did not answer.
"Well..." The Soul Guide smiled gently and showed something on his right hand. He told Okin, "this is the last second of your life. If you really want to die, you take it away yourself."
- 11 -
Time is invisible. In the Soul Guide's hand, however, the last second was packed as a beautiful fruity candy:
just put it into the mouth, melts it, and the second is gone.
Okin did not need to think. He took the candy which is his last second of his life, intented on opening the package. "Hold on!" The Soul Guide advised, "do you really desire to die?" Okin gave a bitter smile. He said, "Life is a tragedy. I have no more thought if I could leave peacefully." "I think you at least go and see something first, then come back to have your final decision," the Soul Guide said. "Where? Hell?" Okin said, "People, just like me, must not reach the Heaven. I know, I should go to the Hell; Perhaps, I can have a better life there." "Young man, you're too naive. Staying in Hell is not easy. No one wants to go there. The bitter of the Hell, no one can bear." "Even worse than surviving?" Okin said sniffily. "Social snobbery, inconstancy of human relationships, imposing upon the kind and fear the severe, cheating or outwiting each other... can be found in the Hell?" "You lived painfully, it seems. Death, maybe is a relief for you..." The Soul Guide was saying and showing him a direction. A looming beams from his fingertips extended to the distance.
- 13 -
"The light will show you the way. Come back and decide whether you retain the second." "When I reached back!" Okin said.
Hell,
I
won't
come
The Soul Guide disappeared and Okin set off his imaginative destination honestly. The candy was still on his hand, not in his mouth yet. The Hell was an empty place. There was no Hades, no Devil, but full of loneliness, helplessness and emptiness. The atomsphere was suffocating that no one wanted to stay long. "So... this is Hell?' Okin thought. looked around, but there was nothing.
He
"So how terrible is it? There is simply nothing, and I can live here quietly forever and ever..." He kept on walking around until he saw a person. That was a woman who was wandering. She hovered alone, and murmured, "Okin, how are you? How is your life?" "Mama?
Mama... Mama!"
"Which grade do you study now? How's your school result? What's your best subject? Are you still outgoing?"
Okin could see his mother who had died for years, but his mother not. "Mama, mama, I'm here!" Like thousands of miles away, his mother could not hear, no matter how Okin shouted. "Mama, I am here... From now on, no one can separate us." Okin rushed to her and wanted to hold her tight. However he went through her body and fell to the ground. Looking back to his mother, watching her helplessness, Okin fell in a deep deep sadness. At that the gentle tears.
time, Sanskrit was blowing as spring breeze that dried his
He did not know Sanskrit but sensed that it was hastening him to leave. It was not a place for living being. Okin could not stay as he wanted to know how to save his mother from the Hell. Following the Sanskrit, he went back and the Soul Guide was at the front. "That is the Hell," the Soul Guide said, "In the desperation, the souls neither can save themselves nor want salvation."
- 15 -
So close, yet so far away
- Okin understood.
This was the pain of Hell.
Okin's mother there was bearing the sorrow because of apart from her and only child, missing him every time. The torture she suffered was more cruel than her pain. "My mama didn't do any why does she suffer in treatment?"
bad thing, but this ruthless
"This is her choice," the Soul Guide said, "Just like you, why do you choose to down to Hell, but give up the chance to live?" "I..." Okin had no words but tried to plead,"if my mama were still alive, I would keep on living." "Death is the end. It is useless if you go on like this," the Soul Guide said, "Because of you, your mother cannot rest in peace. You should do something to let her go." "This asked.
is
why
you
want
me
stay?"
Okin
The Soul Guide sighed and asked, "Okin, you still want to die?" "I should save my mama first," he said, "I could not let her suffer in a great deal for me in the Hell forever." "Good. As long as you are willing to be a Soul Guide, your mother could be saved." "Why?"
Okin wondered.
- 17 -
"Only those who understand life can save lives."
Coming
back
in
tears
Callow Okin, he was just fifteen years old.
His
parents
died
when
Okin
was
young.
He lived in a orphanage, but no one liked him because of his naughty.
He however love
this - more be isolated, more be forgotten, more ease.
Although he was young, he had
already accepted his fate without any hope of survival.
Being alive one day for one
day, Okin just watched how God plays tricks to torment him.
- 19 -
If he didn't re-encounter his mother, Okin did not agree with the Soul Guide. In fact, he did not understand what is the relationship between being a Soul Guide and saving his mother. But he believed the Soul Guide should not deceive him - he had g to be deceived, anyway. nothin nothing
The most Okin worried, at the moment, was the opportunity to die. He might not have another chance that would make him regret. "Excuse me... What should I call you?" Okin asked the Soul Guide. "You follow me as my apprentice, so you should call me master." "Yes...
master."
"Okin, you should remember, here the space we existing isn't bounded by time," Master said. "We are always in the moment between the last and the last two second before death that only for the Soul Guides." "Only here."
eating
the
candy,
I
can
leave
"Yes," Master said. "You still have the idea to die?" Okin did not answer, but from his eyes, Master knew him everything Okin's answer: I cannot wait to die, but I know my mother in the Hell... "It's yours. Everything is up to you," Master said coolly. "Now, I only want to know how to save my mama." Okin desired the answer, on the other hand, he realized that Master never told him.
- 21 -
Back to the human world, Master went to a hospital with Okin. Hospital, where is the intersection of birth and death, the entanglement sadness,
of
happiness
and
the gate of Hell and the Heaven. Okin knew, someone would die, then they should pick his soul to go. When a soul left the body, the person lost his awareness and the life would be gone. All about this person would be stopped at that moment. Time passed away, and the body faded. It became a pile of bones, turned into stones, returned to the natural. In a private ward at the top floor of the hospital, a ninty-year-old man laid in bed. His eyes were closed and breathing was weak. His family who were praying around his bed accompanied the old man quietly to experience his final breathing. He was getting a very deep sleep, then the movement of his chest was gradually still. His time is over here, not as early as too late, when Master and Okin arrived. The soul of the old man drifted out of his sick body and fell before Master. He
was light in the air. He looked sick and thin but flexible on moving. "It's time to go," Master said to him. The old man looked back to his family. He was sad and reluctant to leave. None of his family did not burst into tears. Even everyone knew the old man was walking on his final stage but hard to control the emotions at time of farewell. A young man in the family was holding the old man's hand and sobbed, "grandpa, don't worry about us, although you can't see my son to born." He touched a scar at the side of his grandpa's eye and said, "This is what I hurt you when I was young. I was a naughty boy but you didn't blame me. You taught me everything patiently. Grandpa, I will tell my son - you are a kind elderly. The way you love me, the way I love my son." Everybody were touched. Okin lamented from the death broken down the relationship of the family. "Could I stay for a moment?" man asked, choking back his tears.
The
old
"No," Master answered, "You don't relate to here any more. You should leave now." "May I have an accommodation?" man asked again. "NO," Master answered, anything, and go."
- 23 -
"Don't
The old
expect
The old man was not willing to go but left the ward finally. Okin did not say anything, and walked behind Master closely. They moved out of the ward, out of the hospital, out of the living world, and arrived a strange space. Master was unfriendly, so the old man asked Okin, "Where is here? Where will you let me go?" Okin recognize and empty.
here
where
is
hopeless
"Hell." The old man stared and shouted, "What... What's going on? Go to Hell?" He was frightened. He caught Okin and shook him. Okin could not response but screamed, then Master put his hand up to separate them at once. Master protected Okin and reprimanded the old man, "this is your choice." Master left the old brought Okin to leave. "It's terrible,"
man
in
Hell,
and
Okin said.
"No soul can challenge Soul Guide," Master said, "As we're sure where they should go, we can lead them go there smoothly."
"See," Okin asked, "Was he bad?
Why is
he sent to Hell?"
"No, he didn't.
He loves his family and
he is a good man,"
Master answered, "Hell
is not a place for bad, but for the one who doesn't understand life."
Okin didn't understand.
He turned around to look back.
The old
man was crying loudly and shouting out his grievances.
- 25 -
"I can give up a chance to Heaven,
but why down to Hell?"
He cried, kneeled, saluted to the emptiness. Okin could not bear to see him like this, so he left Master and went back to Hell. "Stop it! You just hurt yourself more seriously!" Okin urged. "Young man, my dearest Death, believe it! I can't accept it!" man cried.
I can't The old
"People should die some day. You had lived for a long time, and had a very good family. Your life was over, please let all pass away." "No! I could not reconcile myself while I had left too early. At least, let me see my new born great-grandson," the old man said, "my dearest Death, the father of this great-grandson is my grandson I love most. I had planned to welcome my great-grandson, live with him... I know, I am too old, but... At least, let us have a photo... At least, let us see each other once... then, I would not have any complain." "just see once?" "Just once." "Once?" "Once." Okin was hesitating while the old man was awaiting. At that time, Okin's mother
- 27 -
paced up and down unconsciously. She passed through the old man and Okin. She muttered her child's name, walked far far away... "My dearest Death?
My dearest Death?"
The hopeless old man hastened Okin to agree his request. Okin gazed at his mother until she disappeared, then he asked the old man, "Can't you see her?" "Who is it?" his mother.
The old man had not seen
"She is a mother who is missing her only child here," Okin answered sadly, "you should understand her feeling." "Sure!" The old man said anxiously, "I can't be here! I can't be here! My family is still alive, so I should be there! I should be there!" "Men... should die someday. Many people love their families, not just you," Okin said, "That mother has missed her child here for a long time. Her pain isn't less than yours." "Young man, pain shouldn't be measured. My pain, you shouldn't feel." Okin made a wry smile, and said, "yes... your pain, I shouldn't feel." Then, he left.
Just like Master, Okin left the old man. He
did
not
return
his
head
again,
as
the
old man chased him and shouted, "my dearest Death, my dearest Death, it's my fault! should not make you angry! away here.
I
Please take me
I am a good man, so it isn't my
place!"
The old man tried to catch up but failed whatever he had run as fast as he could.
Okin was so sad.
He would like to save
his mother, but had no idea about it; so as to the old man.
- 29 -
Master stood at the front and stared at Okin. His eyes were as peaceful as a lake of clear quiet water.
Master would blame him, Okin thought, however, Master gave him a pat for a consolation.
"Master, I'm sorry." "Why?" "I shouldn't go man more confused."
back.
I made
the
old
"It's not your fault," Master said, "He is what he is." "Is he trapped like my mama?"
in
Hell
forever,
"I don't know. But I wish someday, just like your wish."
he
just
awakes
In the old man's eyes, Okin became far away and disappeared. He was disappointed, fell down and cried in the hopelessness for his useless. "I shouldn't make him angry... No... He is my only wish..." His tears dropped and evaporated at once. Everything was gone, as his life. Because here was the Hell. The old man thought crying would make him tired, then he could lay down and lose his conscious for a short period of peace. However, it did not work. Whatever he cried, he did not feel any tired, but his pain became hard to bear that was more serious than what he was suffering in serious illnesses.
- 31 -
The taste of death in the Hell was crazy for ice-cream in the snow to fill up the empty belly, with the icy body and the frozen heart but the clear mind. "Okin... Okin..." Okin's mother came slowly. She passed the old man and saw him. She kneelt down and watched the painful old man quietly. He looked up and watched her. "Have you seen Okin?" Okin's mother asked Hard to find a companion here, the old man stopped his crying, and answered, "I didn't know him." "You don't know him? What's a pity!" She stood up and muttered, "Okin, how's your friends? Do they take care of you?" "Is he still alive?" "Sure.
The old man asked.
He must be alive healthy."
"How do you know? him."
You simply can't see
"I know... Because I believe..." She stopped for a while, and said, "I always bless my child." "You're not God! How to bless your child? Here's the Hell! No God in the Hell, but Death!" The old man roared, "I am here because of Death!" "You're voluntary, aren't you?" Okin's mother asked him doubtfully, "Don't bless your children here, just like me?"
When she was looking up, the upper and the lower turned into dark. Twinkle stars which seemed touchable were shinning as the diamonds in the darkness. "Wonderful!" The old man clammed down with the beautiful starry sky, and asked, "are you... are you Bodhisattva?" "The countless stars, can you know the number of them?" Okin's mother asked. "How can I count so many stars?" The stars twinkled and faded gradually and only one star remained in the whole universe finally. "In your heart, some many things are there as the countless stars in the universe; in my heart, just only one," Okin's mother said and held the only star as her baby, "this is my care, and also my Hell." "Bodhisattva, stay here?"
this
is
the
reason
you
"You can stay and guard here. He cries, then you are drown by flood; he gets angry, then you are burnt by fire; he hurts, then you are injured by thousands of swords..." "How about the time he is happy?" "You can feel the silvery light of cold, the endless loneliness, because he won't know, you are guarding him alone."
- 33 -
She put the star back. The little star disappeared gradually, then the starry sky came back. She asked the old man, "are you willing to stay for them?" The old man watched around the stars which were touchable but cold as frost, diffusing the cold without beginning or ending. He said to himself, "sons and their sons, generations and generations, just like the countless stars, seems can be held in my hands, but stay away from my reality..." He understood the boundless starry night was his care, and also the Hell he made for himself.
Leaving
with
Smile
Okin was uneasy since thinking of the old man.
he
was
He fellow Master to hospital. It was mid-night.
reach
still
another
It was a no moon clear night as the twinkle stars were smiling to the earth silently. "You're still worry about the old man?" Master asked. "Yup," Okin nodded and asked, "Do really have nothing can do for him?"
we
"We'd tried our best," Master said, "Okin, you should understand, we're only the Soul Guide, but not God." "Is there God turly?" "No," Master answered, "this is only the human thought to comfort themselves." "Master, as you you feel tired?"
always
face
death,
do
Master did not answered. He leaded Okin to arrive at the nursery. A nurse pulled a bed with a sleeping baby and, the new father fellow her with a few family members in white dressing. They were full of joy and sorrow. Okin recognized the father who is the crying grandson of the old man.
- 35 -
His son was born grandpa passed away.
after
the
day
his
"The grandpa can't see his greatgrandson finally," Okin sad to said. He was watching the lovely baby who had a scar-liked birthmark found clearly at a side of his eye. "Oh... baby..."
Master!
This
baby...
the
"The grandpa should get rid of the shackle of the Hell," Master said with smiling, "in fact, he should have another new life - to be his great-grandson." "That's why you took him away insistently," Okin realized sunddenly, and said, "you know his stubborn let him down to Hell. If he could realize his stubborn, he could return to life again!" "All the beings can't get rid of transmigration. The elderly did good in his past life, because he thought he would have responds for all he did. He expected his return, so he went to the Hell." "You knew about this already?" Master shook his head and said, "No one knows, also he. His experiences, which were full of luck, were built up by him painstakingly. However, he still continues his journey in the cycle of life." "I don't understand what you mean," Okin said, "Being a human, is better than
- 37 -
the life of Hell." again.
He thought of his mother
"There're six dimensions in the transmigration. No one is better or worse in it. All the flowing into the transmigration are only journeies," Master said, "When we realize the truth of life, we can get rid of the transmigration, and enter the eternal realm." "The eternal realm? asked.
Become God?"
Okin
"God is the name which is created by human. It's not real. One of the dimensions of the transmigration is called Heaven. People living there enjoy their peaceful lives in very long periods of time. Time to live, time to die, it is the law of transmigration," Master explained, "the eternal realm isn't Heaven. In fact, it is the place where we aren't easy to reach." "Had you gone there?" "No. I can't," Master said with smile, "Okin, I'm the Soul Guide, just like you, and live in the gap of life to lead the death soul going to the right direction." Both of them left the nursery and reached a maternity ward. This was the place receiving new lives, the Soul Guide should not be here.
However, walked
Master
towards
a
entered pregnant
giving birth for her baby.
the woman
ward
and
who
was
The baby should
be in light pink but it was in dark purple without breath, in fact.
Whatever the doctor saved the life, the baby could not survive finally.
- 39 -
H i s p a rree n t s we r e ho l d i n g t h e li t t l e co l d b o d y . Th eeii r he a r t we r e fr o ze n . On l y cr y i n g , t h e y di d i d n o t wh a t t h e y sh o u l d do .
The little soul did not open his eyes to see his parents' faces, but laid into the hug of Master peacefully. Okin was dull and stayed behind Master. He clenched his teeth, tears flowing out like a spring. He could not stay, then ran out the ward, out of the hospital, until he ran into a garden, crying underneath the starry night. "So... so cruel!" Okin was in anger. He did not understand the reason why the baby died when he was just born in this world. Master was holding the baby to come. He did not disturb Okin, sitting down on the nearby bench. The baby who was like sleeping did not know what was happening. "Master... this is the meaning of life?" Okin claimed down, returned to Master and asked. "Do you think it is meaningless?" "Born, then die. Is it anything more pointless than the life like this?" Okin touched the fruity candy in his pocket and said, "They have a chance to be a family, but why separate them? Why? and Why?" Master understood his feeling. It recalled his memories, that he could not stay with his parents, no chance to taste the sweet of family. This was why he lost the ambition to live.
- 41 -
Where away?
was
his
joy?
He asked himself. anything to hurt anyone.
Who
took
his
joy
He
did
not
do
For Okin, living in pain is a kind of punishment. He touched his candy inside the pocket, remembered what he thought about death which was a kind of relief. When he had met his mother in Hell, however, he understood it was an exit but an endless impasse. "Master, where should I go?" Okin asked, "I don't want to live or die, but I can't get rid of transmigration." Master did not answered him. He only concentrated on the baby in his hug. His eyes were so soft, just like looking at his own child. His sight did not want to leave him for a second. Okin found it strange. He thought, "Did Master have a sad past?" He did want to know and not dare to ask. He knew Master would not blame him even if he really asked what Master did not want to answer. He understood, it was digging the wound from Master's heart if he really asked.
Some experiences, some hard feelings, could not heal, but be pretend to ignore them, use to the pain, not to deteriorate or even touch, then all were not kinds of things.
- 43 -
Okin believed it. Meteors rained through the silent sky. A path was paved by their light, from the sky to the front of Master. The baby in his bug awoke, stretched his body and looked up his Soul Guide who was holding him. Master knew it was the time, so he released his hands. The baby floated in the air as if he lost all his weight. A pair of snowy white wings were grown from his back, just like an angel, opened and flied to the path. He looked back to Master in the air, with his sweet smile which was for thank and also for farewell. Then the baby and the path disappeared at the starry night. Okin knew, the baby arrived at the place which was called "eternal realm". "Life is natural. Only a little stubborn, can be the resistance to enter the eternal realm," Master watched the sky and said, "Okin, the elderly who went to Hell, then came back to be a human. This baby is the same. He came to be a human, then entered the eternal realm. If you can understand this, you will not feel sad again." Okin looked up the sky which was full of stars. All stars were smiling to him. His heart was so warm because of joy.
Time
to
Live
Okin fellow Master to learn how to be a Soul Guide. Come and go between birth and death, Okin sometimes went to Hell to visit his untouchable mother.
This was his present.
This was the life what he did not want, but had no idea to escape. Okin often took out his fruity candy and looked at it, then put it back to the pocket. He still had no courage to eat it.
He was not as chic as before. Looking at the candy, he missed her mother so much.
Master told Okin much about life death, which was the thing he used to.
and
Facing the calm and apathy Master, Okin suspected that he had been already numbed with life and death. However, Okin still could feel his tender. Master always taught patiently while Okin was experiencing the long absence of love.
- 45 -
In the world of human, Okin only received love once from his mother.
Only she, however Okin was so capricious, naughty or unreasonable, always stayed aside not to give up.
Love of mother could not against death, however. Okin's mother was a widow. She took care of Okin alone. She was sick seriously due to work too hard for living, and die finally. At the time, Okin was only five. He had not seen his father who die before Okin was born. Okin knew all about his father from his mother. When he thought of his mother, he also thought of his father. "Okin?
Okin?"
Master patted his shoulder and said. Okin awoke and looked at Master. Master said, "Don't be cranky. We have something to do." He responded and fellow unwillingly. Every time Okin fellow Master, he was reluctant. He did not want anyone to leave, see the tears or listen to the crying. "The Soul Guide should have compassion, but can't work with emotions," Master taught. "Master, I don't understand... Perhaps, I'm not use to it," Okin said, "I'm tired."
- 47 -
"It's because you still don't understand what is life," Master said to him with smile, "Don't you want to save your mama?" "I want it.
But...
I'm afraid I can't."
"Surely to be done," have confidence in you."
Master
said,
"I
"Why?" He asked, "Why can Master always keep your smile?" "Because of awareness. One day, will have your smile to face death."
you
They were talking when they were walking in front of traffic lights. It was midnight. A man did not pay attention to the traffic lights to cross the road. The coming car could not stopped on time, so it turned to the side of the road and rushed onto the pavement, then stopped after crashing a lamppost. The careless passer fell to sit on the road. He was very frightened. Master walked to the car. The door of the car was thrown off and the driver had no respond in bleeding. When Master wanted to receive the soul of the driver, he looked up the sky suddenly. Then he turned to Okin and said, "Leave this to you. You both wait me here." He jumped up and flew to the building at the opposite pavement.
Okin did not know what was happened. He responded to Master and received the soul of the driver. The driver asked Okin, "Who... who are you? And... how about me?"
"You have somewhere to go," to say it calmly.
"Where?
Okin tried
Why should I follow you?"
"You should because..."
go...
that
is
a
place...
If he were Master, he would answered to the death soul in few words patiently. But Okin was saying hesitantly. He had fellow Master for a period of time, but learnt nothing about the scripts for the Soul Guide facing any death souls, because of no concentration for learning to be a Soul Guide.
The driver detected a falter in his voice, he came back to his body quickly he did not want to die.
- 49 -
Okin watched helplessly and the driver returned to live but gave a groan of pain. The driver could not talk a word clearly clearly..
His mind was blank and his body was in serious pain.
Only the thing he
wanted now is death.
Master had not came back. Okin became frightened, then jumped up to find Master. He landed on a window of a flat and saw Master holding a woman in red dressing to comfort her. The woman was crying on the floor, "Why? Why save me?" Master saw Okin and asked, "where's the driver?" "He...
Sorry, Master,"
Okin apologized.
Master returned to the woman, and said, "It's not the time. You can't leave." The woman looked up to Master, and said, "Are you God? Save me please." "Only the way is save you is yourself," Master said, "whoever give you up, you should not give up yourself. When the time comes, you can't stay one more minute. So please treasure you time when you are alive." After that, Master prepared to leave from the window. The woman cried, "Even the right to live or die, I can't grasp?" "You're right," Master said, "you were born with no choice; and death is the same." "What is the meaning to survive?"
- 51 -
"Beyond birth or death, you can enrich your life or become a decadent when you are living. This is what the right you can grasp and the meaning to survive." Master did not take notice of her anymore but jumped out of the window. He landed on the road when police and an ambulance came. An ambulance corps took the driver out of the car and operated with first aid. Finishing his last breath, the soul of the driver came out from his body again, standing in the front of Master. "It's so painful!" The death soul said and regreted going back to his body. Okin was so sorry. When he wanted to apologize, Master blamed, "this is the trouble of your own's making." "Yes... yes..." The soul did not dare to complain but watched Okin with anger. "It's your time to leave. Only hurt yourself if you're eager to stay," Master said, "go. You should set out." Under the guide of Master, the soul of the driver reached his place where he should go. Okin kept in silent, like a little child knew nothing fellow behind an adult. He had no standpoint to walk his own way. It was better to be blamed, he thought, but Master
was apathy about what Okin did wrongly that was not tolerance or forgiving. He was waiting Master to talk to him again. When Master really started to talk to him, Okin felt regret. "Okin, it's Master said.
time
for
practicum
alone,"
"Master, I...," Okin was so worried, and said, "I know I didn't learn with heart, but please forgive me, don't leave me alone!" Master was surprised. He said with smile, "You misunderstand my words, aren't you? I never leave you. Moreover, I don't think you learn without heart." "No! Master. I can't deceive you. In fact, I just want to know how to save my mama from Hell, but not to be a REAL Soul Guide." Master looked at him quietly and listened to him patiently. Although he said nothing, Okin felt comfort to express himself. "Master takes me anywhere. What ever you did or said, I'm always inattentively. When the driver died, he received a huge pain and this is my fault. Everyone who leaves the human world has many questions, but I can't answer, so I made them lose their confidence..."
- 53 -
"Okin," Master touched his shoulder, and asked,
"How
does
it
relate
to
your
practicum?"
"I'm not a competent Soul Guide."
"If
you're
already
a
competent
Guide, no need to have practicum,"
Soul Master
said, "You can't get the goal by only one step.
Being a Soul Guide, it looks simple,
but includes what we think about life."
"I
don't
beginning
understand
until
now,
life.... I
don't
from
the
want
to
survive."
"This
is
what
your
think
about
life,"
Master said, "Who told you this is wrong?"
"Master, don't you think it is right?"
"How about if there's no right or wrong in the world?"
- 55 -
Okin knew what Master said, but did not understand. temperate
He was frightened that all his
words
came
from
the
reason
of
"giving him up".
He
tried
to
say
something
but
Master
told him first, "I have confidence in you. Please have confidence in yourself."
This
the
last
words
from
Master.
His
voice was still here, but he had gone.
"Why?
Why do you leave me alone?"
To Be Continue...