Simon & Mark
Dr Mayo: So, we’re the Movie Doctors?
in need of a cure for a broken heart, tinnitus or . . .
Dr Kermode: Well strictly speaking only one of us
Dr K: Celluloid or humanoid, the Movie Doctors’
earned our title. Yours is an honorary doctorate.
Clinic will help.
Mine was earned by actually writing a thesis on
Dr M: Films will be referred to the relevant
modern horror fiction.
department, depending on whether they need a bit
Dr M: Well mine was earned by actually looking
of cosmetic surgery or something more drastic.
so fabulous in a gown, they decided to give me
Dr K: You can find Michael Bay’s films in the
another one. So we are both, strictly speaking,
recovery room.
doctors.
Dr M: And patients?
Dr K: Yes but neither of us is a medical doctor.
Dr K: Unlike in a real hospital, waiting times for
However as ‘movie doctors’ we are well aware that
patients’ clinics is minimal.
some movies need medical attention . . .
Dr M: From the moment you arrive at our doors,
Dr M: And also how other movies can make you
we’ll diagnose you and suggest cures for your
feel happier, make you nicer and well . . . weller?
problems. We’ve colour coded everything so you
Dr K: I think you mean healthier.
don’t get lost —
Dr M: I think you’re right, I do. And have we
Dr K: Or find yourself accidentally incorporated
constructed a rather fine conceit around this?
into a Human Centipede.
Dr K: Indeed. So. Imagine you’re a movie in need
Dr M: So sit back, dip your hand into your bucket
of medical attention – you might be far too long,
of corn-based snack and enjoy this beautifully
or unnecessarily upbeat, or be in need of a live
designed, elegantly written and strikingly
organ transplant . . .
affordable movie concept book. Nurse,
Dr M: . . . or you might be an actual human patient
the screens . . .
PHARMACY
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