Moving Forward Together

MOVING FORWARD TOGETHER by Vanessa Shepherd

Surrounded by over 30 women recently thrust into similar seasons of grief in September of 2018, Eileen Vignaroli hosted the “Lemons to Laughter” kick off event put on by Moving Forward Together, a newly established ministry for widows with guest speaker and author Sheryl Giesbrecht Turner. The idea for such a group came to Eileen after experiencing her own loss of her husband of 47 years, Don, on June 15, 2015.

“What do we offer for widows?” she recalls inquiring of a close friend in the first years to follow. Canyon Hills has an incredible bereavement ministry to support men and women through the initial stages of grief through helping with funeral services and a few meals. “But what happens after that?” she remembers asking. The answer was, nothing . . . yet.

It was then that Eileen began to dream about a group for widows, run by widows, to offer a community who understood what it meant to journey the hard road of grief together. In the first two seasons of its first year, Moving Forward Together has consistently seen 12 - 20 women gather on the first day of each month ranging in ages from 45 to 85. Each woman’s story unique but each desiring the same thing - true connection.

“No one can talk to a widow, like a widow.” Eileen lovingly explains. There is just something so beautiful about another woman who understands the all too new frustrations and hardships like another woman who has journeyed the road as well.

During the group’s second meeting in October of 2018, Eileen opened the conversation with a note of her own: “We are all on a journey of grief. Some of us are in the early stages while for others it has been many years. Our journeys are similar, but also different and fit no mold. My personal journey began a little over three years ago when my husband died of metastatic prostate cancer which had metastasized to his bones.

Most people thought they were comforting me when they reminded me that I had my memories. My memories were killing me.

I was one of the fortunate ones who had time to talk about everything with my husband before his death. Some of you were not that fortunate. Little did I know, the depth of grief that would follow. I found myself falling to my knees in the shower sobbing uncontrollably over and over, I teared up constantly when hearing a song, recalling a memory, or leaning forward to make a comment to him and realizing he wasn't there. Most people thought they were comforting me when they reminded me that I had my memories. My memories were killing me.”

Her words rung true for many. In fact, one million new widows join the ranks every year around the world, with an average age of 56 years old. And of the women already connected to a church body, only half of those are able to continue attending despite the onslaught of memories and relationships shared with their spouses.

For Eileen, this too was a difficult task. But nearing his death, Don urged her to be strong and “keep living [her] life.” So that was her new mission. Allowing God to create beauty from the ashes, and purpose from her pain. Despite the compassion many feel for a woman who has lost her husband there was a real disconnect in support for those same women.

The goal of this particular group varies from many grief programs offered around the world as it aims to create laughter and give a safe place for memories to be shared amongst people who understand. It is a group by women and for women, hosting an array of events from dinners out on the town to Bunco nights in a woman’s home and everything else in between. And it has only just begun.

Eileen closed the October gathering with this one final thought: “On my quest to move forward with my life, God has shown me that widows have new and relevant gifts to offer, not in spite of, but rather because of our loss. We become strong because we have no other choice. We are compassionate because our heart has been broken. We are bold because we have already faced death in a part of ourselves. We become faith filled because we cannot face the day in any other way. It is my prayer for each of you that you will seek God in your journey moving forward.”

For information about upcoming Moving Forward Together meetups, check out our Canyon Hills app.