FALL 2015 INDEPENDENT STUDY
THE ISSUE WITH MASCULINITY
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LEAVING A VOICE MALE A dialogue with two college students on their perceptions of masculinity, personal experiences, and cultural narratives.
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INDEPENDENT STUDYÂ / FALL 2015
"I just want to make sure my girlfriends get home okay. You never know.." "
"I'M SO OVER IT, IF IT'S GIRLY TO
"IT'S NOT REALLY A NO, SHE JUST NEEDS TO BE PERSUADED. JUST GO FOR IT."
POST CUTE PICS OF ME AND MY GF AT DISNEYLAND OR IT'S NOT MANLY TO ORDER A VANILLA LATTE THEN FUCK IT, IM NOT MANLY."
"I DONT REALLY EXPRESS MY FEELINGS BUT I STILL GET ANGRY THOUGH SO IT'S OKAY"
"Don't sit like that, guys don't sit like that." "After i said I wouldnt hook up with him he stopped talking to me altogether..I just thought he was going to be a good friend..."
DID YOU SEE WHAT SHE WAS WEARING?
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ALTERNATIVE
MASCULINITY
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Arash Hafizi Third year, International Relations/Business Major Kirkland, Washington
As an organism that runs on practicality society often treats emotion as a virus. It works to isolate the site of affliction before it can infect other functioning organs. With logic and productivity coursing through its veins, critical measures are taken to ensure insensitivity and sedation. In response to the tightly confined, logic-based flow of culture, Arash Hafizi actively decides to continuously be more open to emotion. A few years ago he actually specifically “wanted to learn how to cry because I didn’t know how.” However, these ambitions would prove to be more complex than anticipated. Arash takes note that
“there are not a ton of role models…[that advocate getting] in touch with your feelings...there are a lot of role models that people look up to that do the complete opposite and think masculinity is the complete wrong thing like [being] the macho man.” In a culture where emotion is shamed more than it is confronted there are few examples to follow. Processing emotions is a job often done with no Virgil to guide through the winding layers and perils along the way. With no examples to follow Arash claims he learned most of how to be in touch with his feelings through experience and personal effort. There “are no guides on how to [be have a better sense of self and be in touch emotionally]... you just kinda have to figure it out on your own.” However, he does point out that it is not a solely communal or solitary accomplishment. To fully embrace emotion “I had other people to push me and I needed them to identify my walls…[but also] you can't force it and it has to be their own choice.” A good community and recognition of personal volition is needed for vulnerability to foster. While relationships can be a catalyst for
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a more emotional lifestyle, it is a personal choice and a journey done on one’s own through persistent internal efforts before it can manifest externally.
"To be fully vulnerable makes me a stronger person."
Through becoming privy to the realm of emotion, Arash defines masculinity as “being a more complete person like being yourself and being in touch with all parts of yourself.” This includes feelings, emotional awareness, and pride in one’s personal definition of masculinity as “it’s really only your interpretation that matters.” In fact, he “feels most manly when doing unmanly things,” such as voicing his interest in fashion or being more caring. Proudly showcasing all dimensions of one's character and putting oneself in the vulnerable position of scrutiny makes more holistic being, and in Arash’s definition, a man. He claims “you're not as masculine if you can’t fully expose yourself.” It is the bravery in being vulnerable that defines manhood rather than the projection of being invincible. In fact, there is power and strength in emotion. Rather than projecting a persona Arash is “just being completely vulnerable” which “just makes [him] a stronger person.”
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The hypermasculine mask of emotional detachment is not true masculine as “that’s not really masculinity, [that’s more] being afraid” of aspects of yourself. While those who are more openly emotional may be regarded as naive or weak, perhaps it is those who distract from feeling that are left ignorant. When he got better at reading his emotions, Arash found that “you always know how you feel, which is cool. You're never angsty about anything because you’re more aware of what you’re feeling and why.”
This awareness, gained by listening to emotion, also grants a wealth of empathy and perceptive capability. Now on the other side of emotional suppression, Arash finds it “easy to see people who are guarded.” In the same vein, he feels “you can’t understand what others go through” and see the emotional experiences of others without understanding your own. Introspection provides reference points for understanding others and sharing emotion. However, deeper self-awareness is, surprisingly, not second nature. It is an active, daily decision.
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There is much to be unlearned and much hegemonic weight to be unhinged. Through the process of rewiring automatic responses and undoing habits ingrained by social environments, healthier habits form in their place. After logging in hours of vulnerability practice, the acceptance of emotions becomes more organic. Feelings once allusive become “feelings you're supposed to have,” feelings “that were given to you.” Being emotive is a difficult choice initially, but also an easy one. At its core it is the choice to be true to the most natural human instinct of all. Beyond inner relief, vulnerability also works outward as well to ignite depth and intimacy in relationships with others. It is easy to take part in interactions without emotional currency to give them value. However, that only goes so far. Arash points out “you can go about your daily life just fine but once it gets more intimate and you really want to have deep conversations there’s really no way around it.” There is a limit to the depth of a connection if there is no vulnerability.
No way arou vulnerability The aspects of a personality that are closer to the core, hidden by layers of tissue and flesh, are required for intimacy. There can even be a lack of vulnerability in seemingly deeper conversations. Reflecting on former less intimate friendships, Arash pointed out “it wasn’t like we didn’t have personal conversation. It's just that there was nothing exposed.” What complicates the issue of invulnerability in relationships is that it does not pose red flags. One can go an entire lifetime without breaching the boundaries of invulnerability. One can survive on small talk alone, but surviving is not synonymous with thriving, learning, or growing. To simply exist in an emotionally medicated state does not necessarily put anyone in danger here is no explicit jeopardy, but much gets overlooked, and a richer life experience is lost. In a sedated society it is easy to feel less. Choosing to live cerebrally instead of viscerally serves great utility. However, numbness does not come without suffering. The absence of pain does not mean the presence of health. To live without vulnerability is to live in silent suffocation. Refusing to teel drowns out natural
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"It's really only your interpretation [of gender] that matters."
senses in a functional white noise. While the pain that comes with choosing to feel may be trying and exhaustive, it is a necessary evil, and a small price to pay to be taken off of social anesthetics. In the face of masculine standards that tell him to be less emotional and a society that prizes logic over emotion, Arash remains committed to being in touch with his emotions. Despite its challenges it is still preferred over a life of suppression. “It’s not easy at all. It’s super hard and I’m still working on a ton of shit but you feel so much better about yourself and that makes you more masculine and more strong.” “There’s no going back.”
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"Emotional detachment isn't masculinity that's just being afraid of yourself."
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Ben Purps EXCLUSIVE WITH FORMER FRONT MAN OF THE HALF AND HALF'S
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Ben Purper Third year, International Relations Major, Music Minor Redlands, California
Navigating the grey waters of identity is no small feat. In the face of conflicting expectations and societal pressures one is often left alone at sea, set against the currents of hegemony in search for a safer waters.Examining the negotiated approach of Benjamin Purper it is clear that identity, even one with as many social bounds as masculine identity, remains a dynamic entity. From early on in his upbringing Ben was set on a less traditional path to masculinity. Never falling into sports as many boys do he found other means of self definition. From a young age Ben learned a variety of instruments and quickly found music to be the type of masculine identity that suited him best. It served as a vessel that insulated him from the pressures of hegemony.
Rather than feeling wrong about not having been the typical athlete there was reassurance that he found another identifier. Though the looming grip of masculine standards did not loosen, he found an alternative; he found another box to fit in so to speak. With traditional masculinity binding emotional expression Ben saw music “as really emotional” and “one of the only acceptable ways men can be emotional”. He points out that music is a thoroughly emotional outlet as “even metal music is really emotional” in its expressive nature and lack of stoicism. Between the chords and lyrics of many male performers lies the unexpressed sentiments that hegemony works to censor. Emotion for men cannot be explicitly addressed and must be trojan horsed into socially acceptable outer shells. It is an invisible beast and it is dealt with in the shadows of scarce options and restricted terrain. Masculine culture is not kind to the emotion, “unless it is anger”, which Ben found embedded throughout his personal life. While he admits emotional expression is “just more honest” there still is an instinct of suppression.It is a series of “patterns and habits” left by masculine tradition. Finding remnants of hegemony even after deciding to live alternatively is not
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"It's definitely a privilege and unfair that I've never been scared walking home alone at night."
exclusive to Ben; hegemonic masculinity is extensive and insidious. Ben mentioned that one of his guy friends is far more openly emotional than most, and still faces the internal struggle between emotion and masculine performance. It is evident as “you can physically see him wrestle with things--like when he’s upset he’ll try to get mad instead”. Despite being more open to emotion there is a phantom presence insisting to man up, as though the scraps of former traditions have not yet been wholly
cleared away. In the alternative masculinity there is a tension of opposites. This residual standard creates a push and pull between temperance and surrendering oneself to emotion, resulting in several personal issues. Ben postulates that the severity of anger issues, anxiety, and depression would decrease should society become less internalized. Masculine standards filters out several constructive experiences, not allowing for “peace of mind, emotional closure, well being”.
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Ben’s value of expression bleeds into the people he chooses to surround himself with. He notes that he has “always gotten a long better with girls” and the male friends he does have are “more creative/musicians types” and expressive”. Ben also found the power of siblings playing a large hand in his masculinity. He claims growing up as a middle child, sandwiched between a younger and older sister was “the combination probably most likely to produce the least [traditionally] masculine” identity. In being surrounded by two
prominent female figures Ben cultivated a sense of masculinity that leaves him unafraid to embody more feminine traits. He is not constantly attempting to prove his masculinity and can even “joke about the lack thereof”. He also possesses a keen sensibility to the starkly different experiences of men and women in modern society.He is “almost never scared walking outside at night [alone]” which he points out “is unfair as “it’s very opposite of girls’ experiences”. this awareness of the specific dangers women face mixed
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"Men think they aren't allowed to show emotion unless it's anger." with his role as an older brother leaves Ben “protective of women”. This protector role manifests itself in much pressure in unexpected ways. Ben agreed, echoing a point made in Soul Pancake’s That’s What He Said, that men’s body image issues pertain to strength and capability than cosmetic. While there are factors of vanity, for many men issues with their body stem from fear that they are unable to defend themselves or protect loved ones. The idea of being a protector, along with other masculine traits, are contagious and affect all aspects of life.Toxicity in masculine culture is not an isolated event. It is gaseous, filling up the space of the culture that contains it. Ben has seen the way masculinity extends beyond “social and personal relationships.”
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From media to international relations theory and foreign policy discussions in class, he has found that issues with masculinity are not tethered to the personal realm. An issue for men is an issue for all genders, especially “because men hold the dominant power positions in society”. With hegemony sitting at the throne of the social world there is no end to its reach. Its inhibiting ideologies will run like ink, bleeding through all layers of social life. Its definitions of value and validity stands as the standard for all. Its acceptance of anger and violence as a means of power sweeps across all lives. In attempting to live separately from hegemonic standards, Ben notices he feels “ a little more free”. In a culture where masculinity is viewed through a narrow lens it is vital to remember how alleviating a wider scope is. Though the approaching waves posed by dominant culture may be daunting the endeavor is a worthy one.
"Since men, unfortunately play a dominant role in society, any unhealthy masculinity will be everywhere".
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SO AN
DEPARTMENT OF
DESIGN/PHOTOGRAPHY : CHRISTINE CAO FACULTY ADVISOR: BILL ROCQUE BEN AND ARASH, AN EARNEST THANK YOU TO YOU BOTH.