Capilano Courier Vol. 45 Issue 14

“Pushing buttons since 1968”

Volume 45

N O R T H V A N C O U V E R / / J anuar y 2 3 , 2 0 1 2

T im e of your l i fe with Vomit // Fashion // Year of the dragon // bad coffee // and so much more ...

Issue N o. 14

TABle of contents Vol. Fourty-Five | Issue 14

Pushing buttons since 1968

Contact u s Praise? Damnation? Let us know what you think:

Phone

604.984.4949

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www.capilanocourier.com

Email

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editor@capilanocourier.com Contrib u t i n g

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on

TUESDAYS at NOON in MAPLE 122 Caveat lector

The Capilano Courier is an autonomous, democratically run student newspaper. Literary and visual submissions are welcomed. All submissions are subject to editing for brevity, taste, and legality.

The Capilano Courier will not publish material deemed by the collective to exhibit sexism, racism, or homophobia. The views expressed by the contributing writers are not necessarily those of the Capilano Publishing Society.

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Count the number of times diarrhea is mentioned in this paper

Sta f f

C al e n d a r

The Capilano Courier is brought to you by the following people ...

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Featuring Hanson, with special guests Blink-182 editor-in-chief

editor-in-chief

Samantha Thompson

Sarah Vitet

Fe a t u r e s

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We stalk the most fashionable folks on campus

Ar t s

production mngr.

a rt d i r e c t o r

dog

news editor

Shannon Elliott

JJ Brewis

Ozzy

Gurpreet Kambo

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It's the page with a huge photo of Teen Daze on it.

Columns

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Feeling the post-holiday blues? Better just embrace it a rt s e d i t o r

opinions editor

Claire Vulliamy

Marco Ferreira

humor

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fiction editor

Mike Bastien

copy editor

Celina Kurz

O pi n i o n s

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Marco hates on big coffee companies, but also offers us a delicious alternative

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s ta f f w r i t e r

ad

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events mngr.

Jonty Davies

C ab o o s e business manager

web editor

Ricky Bao

Natahsha Prakash

Body parts

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the cove

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Stefan Tosheff Stefan apparently gives off a gay vibe, tell your friends. www.stefantosheff.com

{ WORLD* } This

WEEK in the

What’s got us all riled up in the office this week?

Rio Theater: No more movies?! Oh, no!

Coachella: Cool Story Bro

Lana Del Ray: Bluue JYUNS! Lite SHYURT!

Blink-182 announces secret tour at very intimate venues: Just kidding!

It's my birthday!

And JJ and Colin

from the editor //

Don’t panic

“To be human means to feel inferior” —Alfred Adler

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he bonds of human weakness have been exposed, and we have come out on the other side of madness. Our pages are newly glossy and our sections are filled, so I think there’s something to be said for that, even if the content itself is more fashionoriented than usual. Let me explain...

Every year the Courier sends our staff and several contributors to the national Canadian University Press conference, casually called NASH. This year it was in Victoria. The conference featured a keynote each evening, and various seminars every day with different speakers.

This year’s keynotes included Alan Cross (host of The Ongoing History of New Music) giving an unscripted talk that ended up being about the importance of corporate money, Anna Maria Tremonti of CBC inspiring us to “take back our journalism” through hard work, and Chris Jones of Esquire doing a stand-up show about how much money he makes (and somehow managed to charm his way into a standing ovation). The surprising stand-out was Dave Zirin talking about politics in relation to sports, as he gave a lot of vital insight into our societal projections of masculinity and the glorification of violence and war.

There were other solid speakers during the conference, but the ones I appreciated most were the journalists who discussed propaganda rather than spewing it, and the people who told us stories about their careers rather than listing inspirational adjectives.

However, things did not end the way we expected them to. NASH always concludes with a fancy gala after the John H. MacDonald awards ceremony (our production manager Shannon Elliott was shortlisted for a layout award for the second year in a row) which is a chance for student newspapers across the country to get national acclaim. As the ceremony ended, we were all dressed up in our pretty clothes, ready to celebrate our last night together in Victoria. After a regular amount of pre-drinking, we were bussed to the UVic Student Union Building for the actual gala. As we were getting off the bus, the man in front of Samantha projectile vomited onto the head of the person in front of him.

After that, people started puking all over the place. The gala was canceled and everyone was bussed back to the hotel, except for some of us Courier folk because we were still in denial that it could happen to us (even though several of our delegates had already been stricken with the unidentified illness). The rest of the night became a confusing tug-and-pull between trying to have fun and worrying that the illness really was serious. There were speculations that it wasn’t food poisoning but rather norovirus, which is an extremely contagious and fast-spreading illness. When I got a text telling me that the Victoria Health Authority was asking everyone at the conference to quarantine ourselves in the hotel, we began to understand the severity, despite — Sarah Vitet our hope that it wasn’t true. We went back to the hotel and not long // editor-in-chief

The Voicebox

with JJ Brewis Look for the Voicebox on Tuesday afternoons in the Birch cafeteria, to anonymously “voice” your “opinion” on any “topic.” Introverted alternatives include emailing your opinion to voicebox@capilanocourier.com, or texting (778) 886-5070.

“HAVE you ever completed the New York Times Sunday Crossword?”

That sweet NASH cougar T.L. Definitely not on facebook

What do I look like to you, Stephen Hawking? No, I haven’t, but I’ll tell you what I am a goddamn pro at: the Monday Sudoku in 24. Now that is a good way to kill a 25-minute skytrain ride, I’ll tell you something.

“I heard that you guys got that Norowark [sic] thing! I saw it on the news.”

Everyone pooped

* According to Marco

after almost the whole staff started to puke and poop their guts out.

Out of the 15 people the Courier brought to NASH, only five didn’t get sick at all, including myself. Although I didn’t catch the virus, it was still a terrifying experience. The night it struck I stayed up all night listening to the people around me realize their humanity, waiting for the virus to hit me. It felt inevitable.

To witness an invisible virus destroy an entire conference in one evening really underlined our vulnerability as a species. We may pump ourselves up with job titles, expensive degrees, awards, trendy haircuts, nice clothing, and extensive vocabularies, but even the strongest and most talented human is vulnerable and will eventually die.

Although we like to think of our bodies as an accessory – a catalyst in which to move around the word – and our minds as separate entities, we are all able to be rendered instantly useless. There is no getting past it.

The conference organizers had to deal with the epidemic, and performed well considering the pressure and also that many of them had fallen ill. NASH conferences generally utilize Twitter to do a lot of communicating, due to the smartphone-crazed nature of student journalists, and the epidemic didn’t stop that. Most of the information going out was via Twitter, which left those of us without access to a computer or a smartphone completely cut off from information or contact with the outside world. For delegates who did have access to Twitter, it became a helpful way to get updates on what they were sick with, how to care for themselves, and when they could leave. For those of us stuck in the stone age of cellular technology, however, we were left to wonder what was going on and whether it would ever end.

Eventually it was decided that most of the healthy people should go home, and the infected people should stay at the hotel until they recovered. Five Courier delegates went back to Vancouver, but the next day two of them were sick. JJ even had to recover from norovirus on his birthday.

The results of the virus on the production of this paper were severe.

All our section editors were still recovering during the story meeting, as was Samantha. I ran the story meeting and pitched all the sections with help from Mike, our newly hired Humour editor. Many stories were still needed for this issue, but we all came together as a team to produce something that we could successfully put on stands by Monday. The editors worked hard to do their jobs, despite feeling violently ill and tired. Through it all, we managed to publish a paper this week, and that makes this one of the proudest issues of the year, for me.

In addition to all of this excitement, we met with our printers before NASH and are now publishing on a nicer quality of paper! I’m excited for the paper to not look like a dishrag anymore, and I hope you will agree that it’s an improvement.

For those of you who have absolutely no clue what this is, I recommend you check out a highly influential website called Wikipedia. Speaking of that, did any of you try using that shit last Tuesday/Wednesday and realize that shit was DOWN? I was all up in my friend’s grill trying to tell him that Holes wasn’t Shia LeBeouf’s first “thing” (duh, it wasn’t: y’all heard of Even Stevens?) and when he tried to get his sassy little finger defending Holes I whipped out my laptop and BAM, Wikipedia was a graveyard! A graveyard of horrible horrible nothingness telling me that I couldn’t access the FREE information that I wanted. Since when should information and

knowledge cost anything? I ask you that, Capilano University Students (sigh). But, I digress. In the wake of Wiki’s temporary impairment, I did what any regular Einstein would do. IMDB, obviously.

“Did you get sick from Norwok [sic]?”

Despite trying to successfully finagle myself out of this question a paragraph above, here I am stuck trying to shimmy and dance my way out of it again. Do you really want to hear about what one of my journalism colleagues called “crippling shit”? Do you really wanna know about how many times my bedmate ran to the bathroom and how many times I scoured the streets of Victoria for one, just ONE, fucking can of Blue Monkey coconut water? (I mean, really, Canadian flag magnet sets are CLEARLY more of a draw than delicious nectar that revitalizes electrolytes – Capital city, hey? Capital of my ass, maybe!) Perhaps you are curious to know how many Courier staff re-enacted scenes from Contagion (actually, I’ll tell you: just me. And I only acted out the scene where Kate Winslet is alone in the hotel room and identifies that she’s infected and resigns herself to die alone. I also never told anyone about that until now. Imagine if I would have died and nobody would have ever known that wonderful anecdote about me.)

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EDIT OR // Gurpreet Kambo // ne w s @ c api l ano c o uri e r. c o m

School is better in hawaii Capilano students study abroad

By Michelle Plaschinski // Writer

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or students who wish to add a little extra spice and flavour to their educational meal, Capilano University’s Study Abroad programs may have just what they are looking for. There are two different options for students bitten by the travel bug – an exchange program in which students spend a semester at another institution abroad, or a study tour, in which a Capilano professor leads a multi-destination educational tour over a few weeks.

The exchange program is a partnership between Capilano University and its 12 sister institutions in Australia, Austria, Finland, Denmark, France, Hungary, Japan, Mexico, the Netherlands, Switzerland, the United Kingdom, and the United States. The majority of exchanges offered cater to business, international business, and tourism students, a restriction the university hopes to change in order to make these opportunities available to students in other areas of study.

A student on exchange spends one semester of study at one of the overseas sister institutions,

registered in at least 12 credits that count towards their graduation back home. The schools that Capilano is partnered with have proficient English-speaking professors, ensuring that language barriers in studying are not a problem.

Students pay Capilano University’s tuition fees; however, each institution determines the housing options available. Some institutions provide on-campus housing, while others do not. A prerequisite of applying to the study abroad program is having good academic standing, and a minimum 3.0 GPA. Tourism student James Ferguson, who was recently invited to speak to students about his experience, did his semester abroad at the University of Hawai’i in his third year. “Learning in their Travel Industry Management School was an unbelievable learning tool because Hawaii is a global tourist hub,” he says.

He emphasizes feeling comfortable very quickly in Manoa (the community in which he lived), and the fact that “he was lucky and encountered no major stumbling blocks” involving culture shock or language barriers. The most pressing issue was the need to acquire the

correct medical insurance in the United States, though being registered at University of Hawai’i as a Capilano University student helped overcome that.

He also notes a difference in the less demanding nature of his courses, which allowed him to have more time for recreation and to form the tight friendships he made with other international students: “My classes ended by 1:00 every day so I had time to go to the beach, surf, hike, explore, and skydive twice.” Living on a student budget, he used online sites such as groupon.com to get affordable deals for lots of new adventures.

An alternative to the semester-long exchange is a study tour, which last for three to five weeks and are open to all students. A Capilano professor within the faculty leads the tour, during which students take three to six transferrable credits.

Study tours mesh lectures and lessons with sightseeing, history and adventure. This spring, study tours are being led to Guatemala, Vietnam, and China.

Myles Galvin is a student that has participated in both of the study abroad programs. On the

study tour, he says, “[I was] driven to apply for the China study tour because I wasn’t prepared for a semester abroad in my first year but I had a bad case of the travel bug.”

Due to language barriers, the group often found themselves playing charades to communicate with Mandarin-speaking locals. Galvin took three credits towards his International Business and Marketing degree in “integrated” lectures where Chinese students sat in on their professor’s lectures, or the Canadians would sit in on lectures taught in Mandarin.

Both Ferguson and Galvin rave about their experiences in the study abroad program. Galvin describes it as “a life changing experience that changed [my] perspective on the world, and left me wanting to travel more.” Ferguson adds that studying abroad is “the best thing you can do in your university career … to live in paradise for five months at an American university and pay Cap U tutition, why would you not?”

Applications are now being accepted for the Fall 2012 and Spring 2013 semesters.

Journalism conference goes viral Student journalists fall ill at national conference in B.C.

By Dylan Wilks // The nexus (Camosun College)

the capilano courier | vol. 45 issue 14

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ICTORIA (CUP)—It spread very, very quickly.

Just one person likely hadn’t washed their hands properly: that’s how a norovirus-like illness infected more than 75 delegates attending the Canadian University Press national conference at the Harbour Towers Hotel and Suites in Victoria, B.C. “It’s highly likely that a student brought it in,” said Vancouver Island Health Authority (VIHA) spokesperson Shannon Marshall. “There were no reports of illness from the hotel staff at all [before the conference], and our health protection officers have ruled out food poisoning.”

Norovirus isn’t a pleasant experience. Symptoms include nausea, headaches, muscle aches, vomiting, and diarrhea. It’s a common cause of gastrointestinal illness – what used to be called simply the “stomach flu” – and spreads very quickly. Anyone can get it because of how easily it’s transmitted: the virus can survive on surfaces, and touching any contaminated surface and then touching your mouth can spread it. Exposure to those who have vomited due to the virus can also contaminate others.

The trouble started as Chris Jones, a writer for Esquire, gave the final keynote speech on the evening of Jan. 14. He noticed that delegates began getting up to leave while he was still speaking.

After the speech ended, event organizer Jason Schreurs approached Jones and informed him that people had left due to illness.

The severity of the situation didn't become apparent to Jones until much later: “After the speech, I talked to quite a few people and shook a lot of hands,” says Jones, “and I went to bed because I was pretty tired and jet-lagged. And then

Jason called at 11:00 to see if my wife and I were okay.”

They were, but it didn't last. “About five minutes later, it was just the most calamitous vomiting of my life, and there was just no holding it back. I was puking out of my eyeballs; I was screaming at the toilet.”

Since he was only ill for about 20 minutes before feeling better, Jones thought he had simply been food poisoned. However, when his wife returned from the hotel lobby, she let him know the situation: that it wasn't food poisoning at all. The national conference had gone viral.

“I gotta tell ya,” Jones recalls. “I have never puked like that – and I went to college.”

Delegates left Jones' keynote to bus to the gala event at the University of Victoria's Vertigo nightclub. On one of the buses, unfortunate delegate Brennan Bova from the Fulcrum in Ottawa had someone vomit on his head while Twitter exploded with reports of illness from delegates.

There weren't just a few people sick; there were dozens. Conference organizers quickly cancelled the gala event.

Management at the Harbour Towers and B.C. Ambulance Service notified VIHA that conference delegates were getting sick. People were vomiting in elevators and on stairwells – it was getting messy.

Conference co-coordinator Kristi Sipes understood how the virus could have spread so easily before people became aware of what was happening. “In the midst of the crisis, you can touch things and not know,” she says.

“Our advice was that from all indications of the illness and the way that it presented itself, that it was a norovirus-like illness,” says Marshall, “and because of the nature of norovirus, in a generally healthy population such as the students at this conference, the symptoms will resolve on their

own within 40 to 48 hours of onset.”

There’s no treatment for norovirus; according to Marshall, most people will recover within two to three days after becoming ill. However, they will continue to be contagious for up to 48 hours after their last symptom.

On the morning of Jan. 17, Sarah Petz, a delegate from the Manitoban who had made it all the way back home from the conference without experiencing symptoms, reported via Twitter that she had become ill as well.

“I really thought I was in the clear until this morning,” says Petz. “I woke up feeling fine, but at about 11 I started to feel queasy and cramping.

I've been vomiting. I’ve been rather violently ill.”

By the end of the day on Jan. 17, all delegates and volunteers for the conference had checked out of the hotel; many had waited days to leave to allow symptoms to subside. While WestJet and

// Marco Ferreira Air Canada provided flight re-bookings to some affected delegates with no added fees, at least one delegate was turned away at the airport and returned to the hotel.

More than 75 delegates, 15 hotel staff, and two speakers became ill throughout the ordeal, and even more have fallen ill since their return home.

Despite the outbreak of a norovirus-like illness, most who attended still considered this year's conference to be a resounding success.

Petz, who has attended CUP national conferences since 2009, says that this one stood out for her. “It was definitely an amazing conference. I think anyone that goes to the conferences will tell you that they’re so valuable for your progression as a journalist.”

She laughs, and adds, “I was kind of joking to one of my friends that the puking now was totally worth the conference before.”

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Can you spare a buck?

How the B.C. deer population may soon face a problem

News Briefs

By Victoria Fawkes // Writer

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CSU Spring Elections Open The CSU nomination period for the spring election closed as of Jan. 20. The candidates are as follows: Queer Liaison: Rose Bunagan Brooklyn Kemp Ciara John International Students Liaison: Hye Rin Choi Zoltàn Blum The All-Candidates Forum will be on Thursday Feb. 2 at 11:30am in the CSU Lounge and voting is from Feb 6-10 in the Birch Cafeteria. deer overpopulation issue. Once all the results were collected, it became clear that Cranbrook residents believed there was a problem with the aggression, garden damage, and vehicle collisions the deer caused. “A cull seemed to be the best option,” says Zettel.

Although the cull only lasted half a month, Zettel insists that the verdict was not reached hastily: “The decision to even consider this came after the better part of nine months of consultation and debate.”

By calling a cull, it is clear that the residents of Cranbrook saw a problem with the presence and occasional aggression of the deer in the area.

In fact, a hostile situation involving a deer was caught on camera just last year.

In 2010, a video of a deer attack shot in Cranbrook, B.C. hit the internet. The video featured an initially docile deer first threaten a housecat and then attack a nearby dog before leaving with the fawn it was protecting. The video currently has over 700,000 hits on YouTube, and its content went on to provide speculation into whether Cranbrook’s ever-present deer population was really as harmless as it looked.

This speculation sparked the idea of a cull in the community, which is still received with mixed opinions. Although the city of Cranbrook may believe the cull has impacted the city’s overpopulation problem, any idea that involves the mass killing of animals is bound to raise controversy and incite critics.

Lesley Fox is one such critic of the recent deer killings in Cranbrook. Fox is the executive director of the Association for the Protection of FurBearing Animals, an organization whose primary objective is to educate Canadians about the fur trade and promote coexistence between animals and humans. The Cranbrook cull, she believes, was unnecessary and inhumane.

“The method that was used was really stressful on the deer. The bolt guns they used were never designed for wild animals, and the nets that were used can cause the animals unnecessary pain,” says Fox. As someone with concern for both animals and the environment they live in, she also worries about the impact on the entire deer species:

// Sarah Taylor “The problem with a cull is that you’re killing off an entire population and messing with the gene pool. You could be taking out some of the strongest of the population instead of the weakest, without letting nature do the opposite,” she says.

On the other hand, Chris Zettel saw the cull as a necessary step for the city of Cranbrook. He believes that the citizens voted as a whole, and the majority ruled. Although Zettel knows that part of the problem is caused by the deer’s draw to humans, he also thought that the easiest and most effective way of handling the deer problem was with a cull.

Fox believes there are two reasons for the increased number of urban deer in B.C.: “The first is that for years, the province has been killing off wolves and coyotes, which leads to a decrease in the deer’s natural predators. The second reason is that people love wildlife. People want to feed and care for the animals in their backyard, and we’re seeing dependent animals that lose their fear of humans and are more likely to cause a problem,” she explains.

However, from Fox’s experience, she knows there are many alternatives to a cull that the province could be practicing. “Other communities have had success with sterilization programs.

While this doesn’t help in the short term, it helps with population in the long term,” she says.

Fox goes on to explain that the community must do its part, too. “Education is key, and the main thing is being smart. We need to cut off access to food sources and minimize attractants, like backyard gardens,” she says. From what Fox has seen, everyone can do their part to coexist with the wildlife in their area.

Whether the deer are really a threat to B.C. communities or simply a group of animals whose environment and security has been threatened by humans, it will only become apparent in the coming years as to whether the cull will help with the population problem. Whatever the long-term outcome of Cranbrook’s cull, animal welfare activists such as Lesley Fox will be keeping a watchful eye: “We live in B.C. If you don’t like the wildlife, maybe you should move to Toronto.”

National Popcorn Day Movie goers and connoisseurs of junk food were popping with excitement Jan. 19 celebrating National Popcorn Day. Just in time for this important holiday, archaeologists discovered ancient popcorn in Peru that dated at least 6,700 years old, 2,000 years earlier than was previously thought humans were consuming the delicious snack.

Courtesy of popcorn.org, a popcorn haiku: Oil, kernels, heat, time Many loud explosions heard Pop, crunch, snack time. Yum! // Gurpreet Kambo

Demolition of Library Classroom The CSU has begun demolition of the classrooms in the library building which are to become the new student lounge on campus. Students may notice heavy machinery and demolition noise on campus; however, the construction company is limiting disturbances to students as much as possible. The construction on the student lounge is scheduled to be completed by April 2012.

By Gurpreet Kambo // News Editor

the capilano courier | vol. 45 issue 14

ccording to some critics, the city of Cranbrook, B.C. may have already made Santa’s naughty list this year, thanks to its recent plan to combat the deer that have trespassed in the community. After concerns about the overpopulation of deer arose, the city of Cranbrook decided to exterminate any deer that found itself unlucky enough to be inside the city limits.

Other cities currently at risk of getting on the naughty list? Victoria, Grand Forks, Saanich, and Kelowna are all currently considering their own culls in the coming months. In fact, Penticton announced on Jan. 12 that they would be the next municipality to begin a deer cull.

Deer aren’t the only animals that have been marked for extermination by B.C. cities: wolves, bears, and coyotes are just a few of the animals that have been targeted at one point or another in B.C. municipalities. Reasons for the culls range from an unnaturally high population, to a fear of animal attacks.

Just last year, the exploding rabbit population at the University of Victoria reached a fever pitch, with over 1,600 rabbits taking over the campus.

While prospective students may have seen the abundance of bunnies a definite selling point of the university, the school’s personnel did not agree, and took steps to remove them. In spring of 2011, UVIC declared the campus rabbit-free, thanks to the removal and sterilization of the majority of the rabbits by animal welfare groups.

Although the university allowed many of the rabbits to be transferred and sterilized, some were killed. Additionally, UVIC announced that any abandoned pet rabbits released on the campus in the future would be humanely trapped and killed.

With the end of UVIC’s rabbit removal came the beginning of a new cull, halfway across the province. In February 2011, Cranbrook’s original cull recommendation was first made, targeting specific herds of deer taking up residence in the downtown area.

Cranbrook communications officer Chris Zettel, who helped organize the cull, says it was one of five different recommendations initially made to take care of the deer problem: “Other than the cull, a comprehensive education program and a trap-and-release program were both suggested, but ultimately rejected.” The province also suggested the city create an urban deer management facility, but that, too was passed over in favor of a cull.

Under Cranbrook’s permit, granted by the Ministry of Forests, Lands and Natural Resource Operations, 25 mule and whitetail deer were trapped and killed from Dec. 2, 2011 to Dec. 17, 2011. “After being killed, the deer were transported to the butcher and processed. Twenty deer went to the local food bank, and the other five went to Street Angels, a community outreach program managed by a local First Nations group,” explains Zettel.

Zettel goes on to explain that the city of Cranbrook created a council to discuss the possibility of a cull in early 2011. To help make the decision, two members of city council and a wildlife specialist were some of the experts trusted with making the decision; Zettel himself sat on council as non-voting member. In addition to the council, a community survey was taken, in which Cranbrook residents ranked the seriousness of the

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t h e ca p ca l e n dar C e l i na W i th

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Contact us to have your event featured in the calendar.

D on’t forget the date, time, address, and price!

m o n day j a n . 2 3 PUSH FESTIVAL This technically starts on Jan. 17, but maybe you didn't know about it yet! PuSh International Performing Arts Festival is held every January and purports to “[present] groundbreaking work in the live performing arts.” I'll put in a few of the events being held in this calendar because I think they rule, but check out pushfestival.ca to check out what's being offered!

t u e s day jan. 24 THEORY OF A DEADMAN The most important rock and roll event of the year! Do Not Miss! Maybe they'll play “Photograph”! Lol lol lol jk. Top comments from the YouTube vid of their new single : “I'm going to start a band just so I can get hot chicks in my video”. Possibly why Theory of a Deadman became a band???? To be fair, she's pretty hot.

7:30 PM. The Orpheum. $36.25/50.75.

DO YOU WANT WHAT I HAVE GOT?: A CRAIGSLIST CANTATA Local musical genius Veda Hille and CBC's Bill Richardson have teamed up to write this hilarious, lol-filled musical based off of Craigslist ads. I saw a preview of this at the Vancouver Folk Fest a few years ago and I literally could not stop laughing. Definitely worth going to see!

Running until Feb. 11. http://pushfestival.ca/ shows/craigslist-cantata/ for more details.

FUCKING HANSON Mmmmmm bop! Remember these guys? One of them got actually really hot (in the press photo anyway), one of them looks utterly douchey, and one of them looks like he'd be “the funny brother”. Take a trip into the past and check out these bros! Wear a Jonas Brothers shirt and see if anyone beats you up!

7 PM. Vogue Theatre. $35.

THE PIXELATED REVOLUTION Rabih Mroue gives “a lecture-performance on the usage of mobile phones during the Syrian revolution.” This sounds like it could be friggin sweet, guys! Presented by the PuSh Festival.

8 PM. Contemporary Art Gallery (555 Nelson St.). Free!

PLAY MOUSETRAP WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND It's been a while since you guys hung out; I think it's time for a game night. Mousetrap is a classic game that you can both enjoy. Maybe grab a bottle of wine (each)? The night will probably devolve into just talking about all the shit that exists, and you'll just remember why you guys are best friends. You're welcome.

8 PM. Your house. Priceless.

CRACKERJACK LIPSMACKER YOUTH POETRY SLAM An open mic for all you slam poet wannabes, featuring Magpie Ulysses, “an anthropologist of the heart who doesn’t apologize for her vastness when she sets fire to the shade you took for shelter from this thing we call living.” The open mic is tryouts for the youth poetry play-offs in March, so if you got something bottled up, let it out and maybe win a prize! 7 PM. Cafe Deux Soleils. $3/6.

w e d n e s day jan. 25 EAT THE STREET PRESENTED BY PUSH FESTIVAL I've never heard an idea better than this: grades 5 and 6 students will be going to restaurants in the Gastown area and giving brutal food critiques, and we're all invited to watch. This event will go on until Feb. 4, at a different restaurant every evening, listed on the PuSh website. Tonight it's at Irish Heather GastroPub; 6 PM. Cost of meal mmm!

t h u r s day jan. 26 RIO THEATRE'S NEW LIQUOR LICENSE While this is a bittersweet victory since they apparently can no longer show movies, this is a pretty great victory for the Rio Theatre. “Kitty Nights' the Purrrfessor and Caba Radio's DJ Teddy Smooth host burlesque and jazz performances by Pandora and the Locksmiths” plus free snacks and popcorn!

7:30 PM. The Rio Theatre. Free!

friday jan. 27 THE ROTA TRIO The Cap Classic series presents Gene Ramsbottom (clarinet), Lee Duckles(cello), and Richard Epp (piano) playing trios by Nino Rota and Carl Fruhling. What a delightful way to spend your lunch hour!

11:45 AM – 1 PM. North Shore Credit Union Centre for the Performing Arts (Birch Theatre). Free!

the capilano courier | vol. 45 issue 14

saturday jan. 14

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SLAM DUNK/THE COURTNEYS/ANDROGYNOUS MINDS Sweet sweet show at Pinhole Printing! I finally went to see Slam Dunk when they played at the Biltmore a few weeks ago; it was fucking incredible. I rocked out so hard, I was a punk again.

Completely amazing local band, must-see!

10 PM. 163 E. Hastings St. $5.

sunday jan. 28 TURNING POINT ENSEMBLE: COLOURFUL WORLD One of Vancouver's most rad new-music ensembles “reflects on a century of rich and vivid soundscapes” with a program that includes works by Claude Debussy and Toru Takemitsu as well as the premiere of a commissioned piece by Vancouver's Rodney Sharman. Surely a night to remember.

Fei and Milton Wong Experimental Theatre, 149 W. Hastings St. $10 students/$38.

SHITTY EPISODE OF GREY'S ANATOMY According to Samantha Thompson: “It's not going to advance the plot … and it's coming after an episode that left a lot of loose ends.” Sam is just a little mad about TV right now though; she's watching Buffy and Angel is about to have something awful happen to him, so she's bummed about that. Also there was that whole Glee fiasco last week.

9 PM. Television. Free!

BEAT NATION LIVE Beat Nation Live is a “cross platform collective that brings together visual artists, writers and musicians sharing the vibrant spirit of contemporary indigenous culture through hip hop, live music and digital technology” and features a huge spread of talented First Nations artists and musicians. DJ/VJ set by Impossible Nothing and Skookem Sound. 8 PM. Club PuSh at Performance Works (1218 Cartwright St.). $24.

BEAUTY AND THE BEAST 3D Be the guest of your local movie theatre and check out this classic Disney movie in three eye-popping dimensions! Shiver in fear when Belle gets stuck in the woods with those freaky wolves! Sing along with the cutlery dancing around you! Feel the goosebumps on your arms when the Beast realizes “she's never looked at me that way before”! Fuck Yeah Disney.

Evening. Hollywood. Priceless.

THE DRIVE: A HISTORY OF COMMERCIAL DRIVE A fascinating look into the history of one of Vancouver's most vibrant, drum-circle-friendly neighbourhoods, presented by Jak King. Cool!

7:30 PM. Museum of Vancouver. Free!

EVAN ARNSTON'S WOODEN BAND/HOMECOMING This jazzvent features Evan Arnston playing with Bill Coon, Andre LaChance, and Andrew Millar.

El Barrio features live jazz every Thursday, so be sure to come out and support these fantastic local talents!

8 PM. El Barrio. By Donation!

APOLLO GHOSTS – PUSH FESTIVAL Not only is Vancouver's most-deserves-to-befamous band putting on a show, they will be giving out FREE EP'S to everyone who pays cover until they run out of EP's! It's a good EP, guys.

Freaking out! If you like well-crafted pop music with some punk sensibilities, you will love Apollo Ghosts.

8 PM. Club PuSh at Performance Works (1218 Cartwright St.). $10.

HERMETIC/CRYSTAL SWELLS/MUSTAPHAMOND If you're into prog-rock-things-etc., this is a great show to hit up! Personally, not my thing, but Hermetic puts on a rad show and apparently Mustaphamond are “experimental jazz punks” which just sounds … rad? So many genres!

Woop woop!

9 PM. Zoo Zhop. $5.

HUMANS WITH BLOOD DIAMONDS Humans is being presented by Sealed With A Kiss! Aww, I remember when these guys were having their first show, this makes me feel weirdly old. To be fair, Humans might actually be older than me. But, they are really rad and props to them! Blood Diamonds, I'm not sure who they are.

8 PM. The Biltmore. $12.

THEE AHS/PAYDAYMILLIONAIRE/FRANCIS/THE SYLVIAN FISSURES Moar local shows! I have to rep Thee Ahs every time they play because they are the best band ever and if you haven't seen them play, you should. Payday Millionaire is also just sweet pop-rock-n-roll, and the other two bands seem like sweet noisy guitar-pedal jamouts but I've never actually heard them before. Cool!

8 PM – 12 AM. BLIM (115 E. Pender St.). $8.

INDIE I DO Are you getting married? First of all, congratulations! I love weddings! Secondly, here's a cool event you can hit up to help give you ideas: this “alternative wedding show features over 30 DIY, local, and independent vendors.” Sigh. DIY romance! Local love! My wedding is gonna be so cute. Someday.

11 AM – 5 PM. Heritage Hall.

BLINK-182 NIGHT Tonight we will do what Blink-182 does. We will ignore all the parents telling us to clean up our rooms and do our homework, we will date a guy (girl) who is in a punk band, we will wear black clothing and dye our hair blue.

All night. At the rock show (maybe one of the rock shows I listed in this calendar).

THE BACKYARDIGANS Dude! Okay. For some reason I have the theme song to this show on my iPod. I don't know why; I never watched this show, ever. I was way too old when it came out. Anyway, it's actually a pretty good theme song. Also old people who go to Cap, bring you grandkids to this, or something.

1 PM/4 PM. Abbey Arts Centre (Abbotsford). $32.50.

YEAR OF THE DRAGON TEMPLE FAIR Check out Claire Vulliamy's article in Arts about the various events going on for Chinese New Year's for information about this and other events happening in Vancouver!

10 AM – 4:30 PM. Dr. Sun Yat Sen Gardens (578 Carrall St.). By Donation.

THE CHINESE NEW YEAR PARADE This one is also in Claire's article! Who doesn't love a good parade? I love parades. Recently I performed “Don't Rain On My Parade” at karaoke in a bar in Victoria; that song really expresses how I feel about parades ie. I hate it when it rains during them.

12 PM. Chinatown. Free!

TIME OUT TIME It's time to have a time out, maybe. You're stressed out, you double booked your Friday night so you're gonna have to let somebody down, you have stupid homework! So just take a time out. Watch Much More Music Countdown and just let yourself cry. Remember: there's no one like you, and somebody loves you. Big hugs!

BIRDS OF A FEATHER “Naturalist and bird watcher Bill Kinkaid leads a two-hour walking exploration of some of Stanley Park's varied and beautiful bird life.” Perfect for the person who wants to learn a little bit more about our local birdery! Or if you just like walking around with strangers, listening to smart men talk about things that they love.

9 – 11 AM. Lost Lagoon Nature House. By Donation!

Adve r t i s e me n t

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ED I TO R S / / Sarah vitet + Samantha T hompson // s pe c i al fe ature s . c apc o uri e r@ gmai l . c o m

Students wearing clothes

the capilano courier | vol. 45 issue 14

By Sarah Vitet // Photos by Jason Jeon

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Ridley Bishop certainly knows how to wear his duck boots properly. He paired them with black stovepipe jeans and a chunky knit cardigan in apple-green, with beautifully contrasting brown detail buttons. Colourful under-layers peep out playfully, balancing the modesty of the look.

Raul Cely clearly understands colour cohesion. While matching his red All-Stars with his red vintage Canucks cap might not make a statement on its own, Cely went the extra mile and added the red plaid, which tied the look together and made a true statement. His grey pants are a refreshing alternative to blue, and serve to keep the outfit grounded and mature.

Both Ally Roberton and Bryant Boesen know how to make a statement without overdoing it. Boesen pairs primary yellow and red with a sharp dark coat, black skinny jeans, and sturdy brown boots, while adding interest with a furry scarf and jewellery. Roberton’s outfit draws focus from her right glove to the beautiful turquoise leggings, while the left glove ties together with the tan satchel. The light jacket adds texture to her look, while the black tunic and boots keep the outfit cohesive.

Check out this cute couple: Brittany Mielnichuk keeps it classic with a black pea coat and cuffed jeans, while matching her boots and purse to keep the look cohesive.

Lyle Hopkins makes a bold statement with his sheepskin denim jacket and dark-wash jeans, broken up with a contrasting red flannel button-up.

I love Sofia Nielson’s earth-tone colour pallet in this outfit. The burnt orange pants paired with olive vest might throw a more cautious dresser, but Nielson knows exactly how to pull it off. She balances the eye-catching colours with black boots and a black sweater, which keeps the look sober instead of messy. I also appreciate the interest-adding print on her sweater, and that her socks match her vest.

The blue stripes in Diana Pham’s shirt are brought out by the navy in her skirt, and her chestnut boots keep the look casual while staying true to the light tan base of her sweater. The basic black tights and white cami keep the look clean and put-together, and also serve to compliment the charcoal shade of Viet Nguyen’s sweater and sharp collar.

If anyone ever said Capilano students don’t have style, they obviously haven’t met Natasha Gayle: layered sweaters keep the outfit practical, while the subtle harem-cut of her pants give the look a bold edge. The hot pink doc martens and hoop earrings make this a standout look, and the New York print bag and colourful headphones tie it all together.

We interrupted Adonika Jayne working in the Studio Art building and waited while she changed out of her coveralls, but it was totally worth the effort to show off this look: pairing an edgy acid-wash full-length one-piece with fur vest and black boots, Jayne literally ties it all together with a pastel pink bow that compliments the light blue of the denim. All these surprising elements add up to a cohesive and fashionable look.

// Author Photo

features

BEYOND FEAR Examining MDMA prohibition

By Leah Scheitel // Writer

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hether taking it or just talking about it, ecstasy has been on the tips of many people’s tongues lately. The drug has recently received a lot of media attention due to the increased number of fatalities caused by impure MDMA doses. Because ecstasy and its ingredients are not regulated, users do not know the quality of the drugs they’re buying, how much to take, or how to care for themselves if things go wrong. In response to the recent deaths, authorities continue to emphasize abstinence when it comes to ecstasy use. Is the prohibition working, or is it time to find a new approach?

Recent deaths On the morning of Jan. 8, 2012, a 22 year-old woman died from an apparent ecstasy overdose. She was the third person in the Lower Mainland to die from taking ecstasy within the same three-week period, and her death was the 18th since the beginning of 2011. Upon further investigation, B.C.’s chief coroner announced that ingesting MDMA pills that were laced with paramethoxymethamphetamine (PMMA) caused five of the deaths.

PMMA is the same chemical that has been linked to recent ecstasy-related fatalities in Calgary as well, and is a highly neurotoxic hallucinogen amphetamine.

“We’ve always know that ecstasy tablets, while they [usually] do include MDMA, could include a variety of things,” said Lisa Lapointe for the B.C. coroner’s office.

While MDMA is the main active ingredient in what people call “ecstasy”, the terms cannot truly be used synonymously. Ecstasy generally refers to MDMA paired with an amphetamine, which is a popular combination when used at parties or in other environments that require high energy levels.

The content of ecstasy pills change batch by batch, while MDMA refers to the individual substance.

Origins

Legal issues It is due to the illegal nature of MDMA that bad pills have become such an issue. Because MDMA is not administered or prescribed, users don’t know exactly what is in the pills they are buying on the black market, nor do they get a recommended dosage so to not overdose. Without knowing how much to take or the exact contents of the drug, it is easy to take too much or to be sold a potentially more dangerous drug on the pretense that it is MDMA. Police and authorities have warned the public that MDMA manufactured in B.C. is often made in unclean environments, and they have also warned that it is often cut with other drugs, including ketamine, ephedrine, GHB, and speed, among others.

“With a poly-drug like ecstasy that is made up of many different kinds of chemicals, it is impossible to know what is in the pill or tablet, and you are gambling with your own life when you ingest it,” says Lindsey Houghton, the media relations officer for the Vancouver Police Department.

The black market Even with public warnings and education, there is still a market for ecstasy and MDMA. Known for causing feelings of euphoria and ease, the drug has remained popular in the club and rave scenes, among others. Currently, one can buy MDMA in two forms on the black market: in powdered form, or as a pressed pill. Anna Heartwell (whose name has been changed to protect her identity) is an ex-MDMA-seller and recreational user. She believes that the danger lies primarily with pressed pills.

“With a pressed pill, you have no clue what you’re getting,” Heartwell explains. “You can still get cut powder, but generally speaking in Canada, the powder is clean and the pressed pills are dirty.” In her experience, powdered MDMA is cleaner than pills in Canada, and it’s the reverse in the US: the pills are cleaner than the powder.

“Most of the MDMA in North America is made in and around Vancouver,” says Heartwell. “So, when you’re buying powder in Vancouver, because it’s so close from chemist to customer, the vast majority of the time, it is going to be clean.”

Powder can be identified by taste, while pressed pills have no identifiable characteristics to ensure they are what they are supposed to be.

Dr. Rob Sebastian, an ER doctor, agrees that there is no way to know what is in pressed pills just by looking at it. “You have to break it down chemically to know exactly what is in it,” he says.

“Without doing that, there is no way to know that you have something that is not okay, or that it has been mixed with something else,” he explains.

Worth the risk?

Tammy Verigin-Burk is the executive director of Freedom Quest, a regional youth service that deals with drug-related issues in the Nelson and Castlegar area. She says that ecstasy has some

// Illustrations by Stefan Tosheff appropriate amount to take, but it really differs.

A 115-pound woman and a 200-pound man are going to need a very different amount of drugs to get the same effects,” explains Verigin-Burk.

In an article written for CNN, Jeffery Miron argues that prohibition of any substance increases violence: “Prohibition creates violence because it drives the drug market underground,” he writes.

“This means buyers and sellers cannot resolve their disputes with lawsuits, arbitration, or advertising, so they resort to violence instead.” The prohibition of alcohol in the 1920s is a good example of this.

Many believe, however, that legalizing drugs does not reduce crime. “There is always going to be a criminal element to it, no matter what you do,” explains Dr. Sebastian. He speculates that even if the drug were monitored and legal, people might still buy from the black market, where it might be manufactured and sold at cheaper prices. The DEA says that legalizing drugs is not a solution, and say that the legalization of alcohol and tobacco is proof of that, though they do not suggest making alcohol or tobacco illegal.

The Canadian Government released a study conducted by the Canadian Center of Abuse, saying that in 2006, the government spent $17 billion on the social costs of tobacco (death, illness, and economic costs), $14.6 billion on alcohol, and $8.2 billion on “illegal drugs”. Even with all illegal drugs in one category, the government spends almost twice as much on the control of legalized substances. The revenue that the government made on the sales of the alcohol and tobacco did make up for the costs, however.

It is also worth noting that alcohol and tobacco are both physically addictive substances, while the addictiveness of MDMA is controversial, with most research suggesting that it is not addictive, though further research is required to make a conclusive statement. Both alcohol and tobacco are linked to severe long-term health risks, and both substances are firmly embedded within our cultural framework; thus, it is difficult to make a fair comparison with MDMA.

attractive qualities for youth.

“One of the big attractions, especially for higher-functioning youth, is that you can take the drug – most people typically don’t drink when on it at raves - you can come out of it, and if you’ve waited long enough, it looks like you’ve done nothing,” she says.

In contrast to alcohol, MDMA doesn’t have an odor, cause aggressively loud behavior, or even have by-products like beer cans or vodka bottles.

The fact that the drugs and effects are easy to hide from peers and parents is one of the reasons why youth are attracted to MDMA. “But the actual feeling of ecstasy, the whole love feeling and harmony, the experience in general is quite euphoric, and youth are very attracted to that,” says Verigin-Burk. “You have energy, you dance all night; people see it as quite a pleasant experience.”

Heartwell believes that MDMA’s ability to lower a user’s inhibitions and defenses are what is attractive about it. “It pulls you a step away that you can talk about traumatic stuff without getting wrapped up in the traumatic emotion,” she explains. “It makes you an objective observer of your own emotions.”

This is also the reason why MDMA was used in psychotherapy in the 1970s. Alcohol and cocaine can make a user more aggressive, ketamine can make a person step so far out of their emotions that they might physically hurt themselves, but MDMA provides a way to see your own emotions and feelings in a calm, critical way.

In 2011, the National Institute on Drug Abuse conducted a $1.8 million study to re-examine the cognitive effects of MDMA in response to past research which suggested that ecstasy users performed worse on cognitive exams than non-users. After ensuring that all variables were accounted for, NIDA found that MDMA users did Moving forward not, in fact, show any signs of cognitive impairment compared to non-users.

Prohibition or not, experts and dealers agree that something needs to change. Just saying no isn’t Prohibition enough to keep people away from experimenting With the recent amount of deaths in B.C. alone, with drugs. it looks as though the official advice to “just say “The problem with the Just Say No campaign no to drugs” is not working efficiently. Legalizing is that it’s one thing to tell people to say no, but and administering substances is always a topic of it’s another thing to be reality-based about what debate. Would the risks of MDMA be lower if it happens out in circumstance,” Verigin-Burk says. were regulated and administered by the governIf people want to experiment with drugs, edument, or would it enable users to continue abus- cation can help ensure a safe experience. “Don’t ing substances? take pressed pills,” explains Heartwell. “If you’re If MDMA were regulated, it would eliminate going to do it, get powder, and get it from somethe multiple changing of hands that occurs in one you know.” the black market, thus allowing people to buy She also suggests owning and using a test kit.

MDMA in its pure form, and feel safe with what DanceSafe.org is a volunteer organization prothey are using. It would also be much easier to moting health and safety within the rave commuensure that only adults were buying and using nity. They offer test kits to help determine the qualthe substance. Several clinical studies have been ity of the drugs and what it could be potentially cut done since Alexander Shuglin’s original research, with. Test kits range from about $25 to $50. which prove the benefits of MDMA for psychoWith other drugs like cocaine and heroin as therapy and pain relief, as well as other medical proof, prohibiting a substance doesn’t destroy uses. If legalized, further research could be done the market or demand for it. With the currently much more easily. understood risks of pure MDMA seeming quite Legalization would also allow for education low, particularly in comparison to currently on the drug to inform people of the appropriate legal drugs, it is crucial to examine prohibidosage for their body. Many overdose now be- tion and whether or not it is helping people by cause they simply don’t know how much is safe keeping them from trying drugs, or ultimately to take. “There are some standards out there com- hurting them by moving the trade into the ing from the drug using community about the black market.

the capilano courier | vol. 45 issue 14

MDMA, or methlyenedioxy-methamphetamine, was first synthesized in the early 20th century by a German pharmaceutical company, and was patented as a weight-loss pill. In the late 1970s, Alexander Shulgin, an American pharmacologist and chemist, began testing MDMA, and stated that it was the he came to finding the perfect therapeutic drug. Because of his research, MDMA gained a reputation with psychotherapists for enhancing communication with patients, and was particularly useful for marriage counselling. The drug reduced psychological defenses, helping to facilitate self-examination without fear.

In a 2010 double-blind study done by the Journal of Psychopharmacology, they found that “MDMA-assisted psychotherapy can be administered to post-traumatic stress disorder patients without evidence of harm, and it may be useful in patient’s refractory to other treatments.”

The early 1980s saw MDMA gain popularity in nightclubs, and later at raves, eventually deriving the name “ecstasy”, and in 1985, the US Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA) classified MDMA as a Schedule I controlled substance, which is the classification for drugs which “have no medical uses and a high potential for abuse.”

According to the DEA hearing files kept by the Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies, many experts as well as the Administrative Law Judge overseeing the hearing recom-

mended a Schedule III classification, due to MDMA’s benefits in psychotherapy; however, officials did not agree, and MDMA was made illegal.

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EDIT OR // Cl aire Vul l iamy // arts @ c api l ano c o uri e r. c o m

ROLLING OUT THE RED CARPET A night of hotties, sadly incomplete without Ryan Gosling

By Celina Kurz // Copy editor

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veryone loves a fancy party, and the Golden Globes are no exception. Award shows present a great opportunity to hang out with your friends or family, gamble about who is going to win, get drunk, and get dressed up, all for the purpose of pretending like you are there, even though you obviously are a plebe and not invited.

Full disclosure: this year for the Golden Globes, I was not hosting any faux-awards-show dressed in my fanciest garb. No, I went an even more glamorous route: I was recovering from a severe gastro-intestinal virus that made me puke all night, lying on a hotel’s pull-out couch.

Frankly, I watched the Golden Globes in a feverish, sleepy daze.

Friends was still on the air. Oh, Claire Danes, best actress for something called Homeland, is that anything like My So-Called Life? Do you think I’d like it? Why in god’s name isn’t Community nominated for best comedy because it’s obviously the funniest thing on the planet?

As you can see, dear reader, I was left with nothing but questions. I spent almost the entire time watching this show and waiting for the camera team to zoom in on Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s charming little dimples, (swoon, right?) making bitchy comments about the people in the audience that I don’t like (Angelina fucking Jolie) and, oh my gosh, feeling that pang inside when Ryan Gosling was nominated and thinking they’d zoom to his face and then realizing that would never happen because he didn’t show up.

THE HOsT

the capilano courier | vol. 45 issue 14

This year Ricky Gervais hosted his third Golden Globes, and I guess they must have made him sign something or given him extra money this time, because he kept his bitchiness to a totally pleasant level.

Last year he referred to Bruce Willis as Ashton Kutcher’s dad, and sarcastically introduced Sylvester Stallone with: “In ten of the biggest blockbusters of all time, he has shown his extraordinary acting versatility.

He has played a boxer … and Rambo.”

Robert Downey Jr. referred to the show as “hugely mean-spirited with mildly sinister undertones,” after Gervais made reference to his stint in rehab, and the Los Angeles County Jail.

This year was significantly different. In fact, the biggest complaints that celebs had was that he was too toned down. Actress Felicity Jones told E!Online, "He toned it down loads! … I was hoping for more harsh jokes.”

In an interview with E!Online, funnywoman Tina Fey mentioned that she “thought he had good jokes this year,” while Maya Rudolph of Bridesmaids and SNL added, "There's nobody like him. I don't keep a scorecard and think ‘Eh, It's a little toned down this year.' He's amazing. I cannot do what he does. He's got very large testicles.”

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WINNERS, LOSERS In terms of movies, two movies that I have not in fact seen, The Descendants and The Artist, cleaned up this year, with two and three awards respectively given. Overall, noticing what movies were nominated was kind of a lesson in how little I managed to get out to see movies in 2011. I was sad to see that The Muppets wasn’t nominated for anything, but extremely glad when War Horse lost for Best Motion Picture. It’s not that I hate horses; I just don’t believe that a movie about horses should win a Golden Globe.

In terms of television, I literally had not heard of almost every single one of the TV shows nominated. My internal monologue went something like: Matt LeBlanc just won best actor on a TV show? You have aged amazingly well, and look like George Clooney now, but I wasn’t aware that

If the Golden Globes were up to me, they’d look like this: BEST MOVIE – The Muppet Movie BEST ACTOR – Tied in first place, Joseph GordonLevitt (50/50), Ryan Gosling (just for existing; I literally don’t even know what movies he was in this past year) BEST ACTRESS – Reese Witherspoon (I was so stoked she was presenting, I’m weirdly obsessed with her, it’s difficult to explain, I just think she’s the perfect All-American girl) BEST TV SHOW – Buffy the Vampire Slayer (this is the only TV show I’ve watched for the past three months, pretty much.)

BEST COMEDY TV SHOW – Community (FUCKING OBVIOUSLY) NOT INVITED – Angelina Fucking Jolie FORCED TO COME – Ryan Gosling Anyway, that would be what the Celina Kurz Golden Globes would look like.

CUTE THINGS ABOUT KIDS

// Shannon Elliott A MOMENT OF BEAUTY IN AN EVENING OF GLAMOUR By far the most heartwarming and touching moment of the evening was when Morgan Freeman was presented with the Cecil B. DeMille Award

by Hollywood legend Sidney Poitier, himself a previous honouree.

This award is bestowed upon people who have given “outstanding contributions to the world of entertainment,” and previous winners include such notables as Barbra Streisand, Alfred Hitchcock, Sean Connery, and Judy Garland.

Freeman, unsurprisingly, accepted the award with utter class, grace, and humility. "If you do what you love, you’ll never have to work a day in your life," were some of the words of wisdom he left the audience with. Truly a remarkable man.

FUN BITCHY COMMENTS Thank goodness the Golden Globes didn’t pass without at least one celebrity catfight! Sir Elton John, nominated for Best Original Song for “Hello Hello” from Gnomeo and Juliet, told Carson Daly that, in regards to his competition, “Mary J. [Blige] might win for The Help [but] Madonna hasn’t got a fucking chance.”

Both he and his husband, David Furnish, were rudely surprised when she won! In an interview with the New York Post, Furnish showed that they weren’t going to take the loss sitting down, saying, “I think it was a fluke … When this happens you have to question the integrity of the awards.” He even went on to question, “Did Madonna get the Golden Globe because she attended the awards and agreed be a presenter?”

Arts Briefs

In Michele Williams’ speech, after winning Best Actress in a Motion Picture for My Week With Marilyn, she made sure she gave special thanks to the most special person in her life: "I consider myself a mother first and an actress second, and so the person I most want to thank is my daughter … thank you for sending me off to this job every day with a hug and a kiss … and for suffering for six months of bedtime stories where all the princesses were read aloud in a Marilyn Monroesounding voice." So adorable!

And while Sarah Michelle Gellar’s dress may have gotten her on almost everybody’s worstdressed list, she was on the only best-dressed list that mattered to her: her daughter’s.

Gellar told Daily Mail online, “My 2-year-old walked in, walked up this dress and said, ‘Mama, wear this!’ So I put it on and said, ‘OK!’ … She chose the bag and shoes. I let her pick all of it.”

Although it did kind of make her look like an ink-spattered marshmallow, who even cares?

Sarah Michelle Gellar can do what she wants, and how cute is that story. Way to go, mom-Buffy!

MY PERSONAL BEST DRESSED Lindsay Lohan! I know she wasn’t technically at the Golden Globes, but I really hope everyone has seen the pics of her at the after-party because frankly, she looked incredible, rocking a gorgeous, classy, peach-coloured Prada dress. She looks healthy and beautiful and when she smiles it makes me want to smile! And, while I love her as a redhead, her blonde this time around looks really healthy and old-glam Hollywood. Gosh, she looks so much better now than she did in all those court photographs.

Anyway, as you can see, the Golden Globes were very important this year, and I am highly qualified to report on them. Many hot people gathered in one large room and congratulated each other; sometimes, the people who should have gotten awards because they were really hot didn’t get awards and we were forced to look at someone who was only kind of hot. Sometimes, we were even forced to look at Angelina Jolie and her creepy skinny arms, but Reese Witherspoon and her sassy red dress totally appeased us.

Until next year, shine on, crazy diamonds.

WEEK IN REVIEW Because all I did this week was watch TV Here’s a roundup of this week in TV. Be warned that this article is full of SPOILERS. Gossip Girl − Where we left off: Blair had unofficially left Louis (as in, she hadn’t told him yet), and she and Chuck were in a limo on their way to true love. Then the limo crashes, and when the episode ends, you have no idea if Chuck is going to live (except you do, because of his contract with the show).

Then, this week, Blair loses the baby (big shocker), and once again you think she’s having an affair with Dan. Chuck (he’s alive, surprise!) and Louis team up to find out what she’s doing. Turns out she’s converted to Catholicism, and fears that if she is with Chuck that he will die, because God only gave her Chuck’s life because she promised she would marry Louis. At this point everyone is questioning her sanity (and by everybody I mean you, me and Serena Van der Woodsen).

When the episode ends I still have one pertinent question: are Chuck and Blair ever going to be allowed to be together?

Really, that’s all I care about.

How I Met Your Mother − Basically, Lily Pad and Marshmallow move into the suburbs, and fight with Lily’s father when he refuses to move out. Meanwhile, Barney has taken over as Leader of the Group (who hasn’t always wanted this to happen?) and takes the gang on a series of sketchy adventures with Stripper Lily and New Marshall. Obviously, hilarity ensues.

Glee − Emma lets it slip that she wants to marry Schuester (why you would want to do that I have no idea). The weirdest part about this episode is that Finn and Schuester go ring shopping together and Shu asks Finn to be his best man. Because apparently this school has no teacherstudent protocol, and also apparently Shu has no friends because they all left him in the first season.

It gets worse. During the marriage proposal, everyone learns to do synchronized swimming really fast and finds 100 other people to help them. The most hilarious part of this number is when Artie goes flailing into the pool in his wheelchair.

New Girl − It’s Schmidt’s 29th birthday, so Jess throws him a surprise party in a school bus disguised as a party bus. The worse part about this episode is that Nick has this new girl in his life (where the hell did she come from? When we left off for winter break Nick and Jess were happily on their way to realizing that they belong to each other!). I basically spent the whole episode hating on this lady.

By Samantha Thompson // Editor-in-Chief

Arts

GUNG HAY FAT CHOY The Year of the Water Dragon is upon us!

By Claire Vulliamy // Writer

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ragons are awesome! If you agree, you might be excited to learn that it is now the Chinese year of the dragon, and that this week there are multiple ways to celebrate.

Here are just a few of the amazing celebrations that are happening in Vancouver this week.

YEAR OF THE DRAGON TEMPLE FAIR Dr. Sun Yat Sen Gardens, 578 Carrall St. Sunday, January 29th 10AM-4:30PM

By Donation ($5 suggested)

affected, but all of the zodiac signs have a kind of influence on how the year goes,” Gibbler says.

There is a relationship: “You talk about dragon people and you kind of extend it to the year … it’s a powerful year, and also, dragons are considered good luck … Imagine someone that’s intense and powerful and takes charge,” Gibbler says.

However, the water-aligned dragon has a different effect. “Of all the dragon years, this is the most peaceful, and Lordy, don’t we need that.”

Overall, Gibbler says, “What I’m really hoping for is that we all manage to take charge of our lives and the things that we want, and we have peace.”

THE CHINESE NEW YEAR PARADE Chinatown This fair is described as a “hot & noisy,” or “re-nao” Sunday, January 29th event, and if that doesn’t sound like a good time, 12 PM I don’t know what does. Kathy Gibbler, ExcecuFree tive Director at the Dr. Sun Yat Sen Gardens explains that the garden has been having a public Taking place since 1974, the Chinese New Year day around Chinese New Year for a long time, Parade is a Vancouver institution. It starts at but that only in the last two years have they in- 12pm and moves from the Millennium Gate on troduced a more traditional element.

Pender St. through the Chinatown area before “[We] started a temple fair, which is a really coming around almost full circle. The parade featraditional thing to do in China,” Gibbler says. tures the biggest assortment of lion dance teams “People come together, and there [are] calligra- of any gathering in Canada, displays of martial phers, you can come and get a red envelope from arts, as well as many other sights. some Chinese grannies and grandpas … there’s Various community groups participate; typithrowing coins in the wishing well, you can get cally about 60 are not affiliated with commercial your fortune told.” entities. Last year included various city councilAccording to Gibbler, new elements this lors, school board trustees, MLAs, and Micheal year include artisans coming from China and Ignatieff all handing out red envelopes. music as part of the celebration. There will also WILD RICE YEAR OF THE WATER DRAGON be an opportunity to raise your fortunes with a PLATTER FOR TWO traditional coin toss: “You have a great big, old January 22nd- February 4th Chinese coin, and you throw money at it, and if Wild Rice Restaurant you can get it through the middle it’s considered $38.88 good luck,” Gibbler says. Behind the oversized coin will be a large brass gong: “If you get your If you’re more of the introverted type, popular quarter, or whatever, through the middle, it’ll ding Chinese fusion restaurant Wild Rice, with locathe gong.” tions in Vancouver and New Westminster, has The year of the dragon is significant not just to created a menu for two to celebrate the New Year. those born under the sign of the dragon. “Obvi- Bad news to vegetarians: as the dishes have been ously the people born in the year are the most created to represent the water dragon, they pre-

dominately feature seafood. Good news, however, Wild Rice’s seafood is ocean-wise certified.

The three dinner courses consist of Dungeness crab with sui choy and oranges, steamed ling cod on noodles with mushrooms and peas, and albacore tuna tatare with longan emulsion.

As for dessert, the Plate of Good Wishes features “multiple dessert treats that symbolize good luck, prosperity, fertility, and a sweet year.”

ROYAL CANADIAN MINT RETAIL STORE January 23rd 752 Granville St. 10AM-6PM Free

Dragon coins, which are not. The most expensive is the pure gold coin for $688, which in fact only has a value of $150. Some people definitely didn’t notice this, because the coin is in fact sold out on their website.

If you only want to pretend you’re rich, you can go to the retail store on the 23rd and hold a bar of real gold! First 88 visitors get a prize, which is hopefully a gold bar of their own. Or at least a chocolate bar.

Remember as you go forth into the year that your days are no longer guided by the calm, quiet rabbit, but the intense and magical dragon. As Tyra says, be fierce! For those of you born in 1952, The Royal Canadian Mint Retail Store is having 1964, 1976, 1988, or 2000, this is your year. If you a little New Year celebration, which is free, and are a large, scaly beast then this is even more so have also created an assortment of Year of the your year. Gung hay fat choy, everyone!

// Sarah Taylor

Hey writers, Munsch on this!

Children’s author Robert Munsch has some advice

By Madelon Kirov // The Concordian (Concordia University)

When asked what he believes is a writer’s greatest enemy, Munsch answered, “Trying to find an agent or publisher!” He added that the most important skill needed as a writer is perseverance and a willingness to accept criticism.

But before getting to that point, writers need to start at square one. To write successfully, Munsch advises that you “write about something you love, something you feel strongly about or something you know about.” This makes all the difference in the delivery of the piece: the higher the interest level of the writer, the more effort, care, and love is put into the writing. When it comes to writer’s block, Munsch explained he often makes up little stories on the spot from which more ideas expand, and often ends up finding inspiration in the original material.

For those interested in children’s literature, Munsch shared some more of his insight on this specific target audience: “Kids are so new.

They’re so open-ended. I can look at a kid and wonder what they’ll be," he said. "The job of children is to be professionally appealing to adults.

That’s how they get what they need."

// Katie So Finally, when it comes to improving and maintaining a budding writer's skills, Munsch provided wise and valuable feedback: “Keep on writing. Write a diary, write short stories. You don’t learn to swim by reading about it and you don’t learn to write that way either. If you want to learn how to write, write a lot and you will get better at it."

the capilano courier | vol. 45 issue 14

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ONTREAL (CUP)—Yes, it can be frustrating, difficult, and extremely exhausting to cultivate a wonderful piece of writing. But despite the obstacles of writer's block and trying to find widespread success, well-known author Robert Munsch encourages young writers to keep working at it – as he continues to do so himself.

“I have over 200 unpublished stories that I am working on,” the beloved author told The Concordian in an interview, as he shared details about his life in storytelling and offered young writers advice on the art of writing.

Many have grown up reading Munsch’s short stories. Munsch, 66, is an American-born, Canadian author who currently lives in the city of Guelph, Ont. A member of the Order of Canada since 1999, he has published over 47 children’s books, including The Paperbag Princess and Love You Forever, that have sold more than 18 million copies across North America.

As an elementary student, Munsch almost failed Grades 1 to 5. In fact, he claims that he never learned how to spell properly and graduated from Grade 8 still counting on his fingers to do simple addition. He was generally “not a resounding academic success,” in his words.

He began writing poetry in elementary school, which sparked his interest in literature. In high school, he did not get along with anybody, and after seven years of studying to be a Jesuit priest, he decided that it was not his calling. On the topic of post-secondary education, Munsch said, “I liked university better than any other schooling.

I think it was because I was interested in what I was learning and had finally taken responsibility for my education.”

Every successful writer begins small. Munsch recalls how difficult it was to get published: “I never have had an agent and I sent stories to nine different publishers before one said yes,” he said.

In 2008, Munsch suffered a stroke that affected his speech. While he has slowly recovered and can now do public readings again, his writing career has been put on hold until a full recovery.

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columns

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E DIT ORS // Samantha T hompson + Sarah Vitet // e di to r@ c api l ano c o uri e r. c o m

Divided we stand

B.C. needs to change its priorities, fast

B.C.

the capilano courier | vol. 45 issue 14

often tops the lists for highest rates of poverty, especially among children.

This is of no surprise, considering our recent history. The 2009 speech from the throne painfully summarized exactly where the priorities of the government had been since Gordon Campbell was first elected as the Premier of B.C. “These global challenges cannot be resolved by simply more government spending. They require integration, not isolation; partnership, not partisanship; and focus, not fragmentation,” said Lieutenant-Governor Steven Point on behalf of the B.C. Liberals. “The failed responses of the past are no roadmap to the future. They will only take us backwards. The way forward is the path of

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In addition to low wages, cuts to social services such as welfare have had a direct impact on its recipients. The Tyee reported that “between June 2002 and January 2005, a period of 32 months, 6,065 people on welfare died.” A lack of social funding for children from the British Columbian government has had child poverty rates highest in Canada for years.

Not only are a high number of children suffering from the effects of poverty, such as having to attend school with an empty stomach, but public school funding has been decreasing rapidly while, simultaneously, class sizes have increased. Further weakening B.C. schools, Campbell’s inclusion of teaching as an essential service has criminalized teachers for the act of protest through strike when student and teacher support is most needed.

The lack of concern follows into higher education: for post-secondary students, affordability and accessibility to education had been compromised when the tuition freeze was lifted in 2001.

This, combined with the decreased public funding for universities, placed the financial burden directly onto students with low incomes and, consequentially, indebted them further.

This is of no interest for the people with power in government. The priorities appear to be real estate and privatization deals – and we saw the perfect example of this with the 2010 Winter Olympic Games. Infrastructure that was built // Tiffany Munoz for the games, including development in congreater collaboration, freer trade, and coordinat- dominiums, arenas, and highways, has a direct ed strategies that understand how fundamentally relationship with market value for real estate. things have changed.”

The federal, provincial, and corporate-funded Regardless of the promises made in this ad- game of an estimated $6 billion has offered us dress, which came at the tail end of their nine- very little in neither the future of liveability in the year reign, the years of Gordon Campbell’s gov- greater Vancouver area, nor the rest of Canada. ernment had a damaging effect on the people The ones who benefited the most were the priof British Columbia. While the minimum wage vate sectors making large-scale deals with the had remained at $8 an hour for the entirety of Olympics, especially condo developers (not to his three terms, an introduction of the training mention Gordon Campbell’s self-interest in the wage in November 2001 proved equally degrad- games with his real-estate profession). ing. At a measly $6 an hour for the first 500 hours In fulfilling VANOC’s cultural Olympiad manof labor, first time workers and immigrants were date “to touch the soul of the nation and inspire expected to work a full 40-hour week with high the world," the Olympics were used as a type of costs of living for three months before entering social cleansing to rid the homeless from their the minimum wage market. city in an effort to promote liveability to the rest

With Harrison Pratt // Columnist

of the world. In other words: they needed to sell the city. From a cultural perspective, the 2010 Olympics had very little to do with its actual people and instead represented a city with a false economy. The closing ceremonies were an accurate example of this form by using outdated music business products such as Nickleback, Avril Lavigne, and Simple Plan to represent our culture.

The general Olympian glow had a hold on most people; you could walk down Granville Street and everyone would be in jovial spirits.

However, it faded, and we were tricked: all of the above were just the economies of entertainment.

Never mind the cultural Olympiad giving a false representation; the key is in understanding how our city is operated, and not in our identity. We all know we could not reap what was sown into the Olympics, as that was for the people on top to profit from. Ultimately, the Olympics came down to profits over people. Meanwhile, we live in a city that is grinding down the majority of its people with its high costs of living and unjustifiable cuts to social services.

Now in the post-Olympic years, we can see that some changes have begun. Recently, the training wage was abolished with the departure of our former premier as of March 2011. As of May 1, 2011, the minimum wage had been raised to $8.75, and is now $9.75 as of November 2011; it is expected to rise to $10.25 by May 2012.

Although we are making steps in the right direction, there are many things to consider in terms of ameliorating the situation we live in.

We must bring attention to the issues that exist within our community, and ensure that they are present at the forefront of politicians’ minds.

Ultimately, it should be remembered that as a community we are all affected by each other, and that we are each only as strong as the weakest link.

Harrison Pratt is a musician, formerCapilano film student, and resident of East Vancouver. His experiences working minimum wage and handing over most of his income to pay for his previous education have led him to write about issues affecting the low-income population of Vancouver.

C o lu mn s Not what not to wear

The fresh and flirty new you!

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hope you guys had a good winter break, because I sure didn't. I don't know why, but I always head into December with visions of catching up with my delightful family, curling up by the fire on a sexy lumberjack, toasting friends over steaming mugs of mulled wine, and jetting up to Whistler for a glamorous New Year’s blowout.

What always seems to happen instead is post-Christmas brokeness, depression, sickness, and furiously dumping your lover at a lame backyard kegger set to a satanic soundtrack of Justin Bieber's "Little Drummer Boy" (ft. Busta Rhymes).

2012? We've only been together for a few weeks and I already hate you.

Anyway, there is no better time to cultivate a new personal style than when your personal life is in the dumps and the fashion world has collapsed in on itself like a dying star. If I see one more magazine telling me to "invest in a structured trench this spring!" I'm going to personally send all of the shits I don't give to Anna Wintour in a homemade coffin. Let me guess what's going to be "in" next season: Florals? Lace? Lana del Ray flower crowns? COLOURS? Yawn.

So, my look this spring is anti-fashion, and what could be more anti-fashion than goth?

When is the last time you saw a real live goth? I saw two mall goths in Victoria last week sporting striped tights and bondage pants (just like in high school!) and I actually got excited. I missed you

With Cheetah Powers // Columnist

guys! Maybe they just need a little encouragement to come out more … I mean, it's not like there's going to be any sunshine for the next six months anyway.

So this is what I'm wearing this spring.

Cheetah Powers is a long-time hoarder and lover of fabulous clothes. She believes that a truly stylin' outfit should always be affordable, universal, and easy to pee in.

Student foodie

The perfect kitchen

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recipe for “Deer paired with red beets, sunchokes, king oysters, and macadam.” I have no idea where to find deer. Red beets, okay, fair enough, but sunchokes? Extensive research yields I have never heard of them before nor do I care to spend my time hunting them down. King oysters … okay, wonderful, oysters … but so wrong. King oysters are mushrooms! By the time I get to macadam – all I can find is Wikipedia stating that it is “a type of road construction pioneered by the Scotsman John Loudon McAdam in around 1820.” If it doesn’t exist in Wikipedia, frankly, it’s not real. I don't need my recipes being complicated by made-up words; if it is a macadamia, call it that.

You may now understand why I hesitate to call myself a “foodie”. I want cheap, accessible, and as-healthy-as-possible food. So I coined the term “student foodie”, which has of course already been coined by various students across the globe, but I will provide a new definition to the title of student foodie. None of these student foodies have attempted to do what I am attempting. Over the next semester, I will provide a recipe or two in each column, which can all be made for $12 or less. All of these ingredients you will be able to find easily and locally, and you should be able to feed yourself and a few others.

This week’s recipe is the recipe for the perfect kitchen, so sadly, the $12 does not apply. You need to be set up and ready-to-go beforehand so you can whip up some fantastic cheap meals in the future. It should be assumed that you already have the basics (flour, sugar, rice, olive oil, oregano and thyme etc.), as these and similar ingredients will appear in many recipes along the

// Columnist

way. To that mix, let’s add my most basicbut-necessary ingredients in the kitchen.

Having your kitchen set up and adjusted perfectly to your style is the first step to becoming a student foodie. Having the right appliances are also essential and you can find most of the necessities at thrift stores around town. Soon, you will be whipping up cheap meals on the fly; just remember to persevere. You are going to screw up, but you must remember to keep your knife sharp, your kitchen well stocked, and carry on.

Best of luck on your food endeavours for the coming months.

Chow chow, thrifty friends!

RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT KITCHEN 1. Lemon: I love lemon. I can cook almost anything as long as I’ve got lemon. Sometimes the lemon juice, or sometimes the zest. Try to have lemon on hand at all times. If they start looking sad, whip up a salad dressing: 1/4 cup Olive oil, 1/4 cup lemon, 1/4 tsp. salt, and a clove of garlic.

Simple but delicious.

2. Garlic: Same deal. You must have fresh garlic on hand at all times.

3. Onions: I feel like I spend a significant portion of my cooking time sautéing onions. They have so much flavour once sautéed, and are the base for many of my meals. Plus they smell so good!

PRO TIP: Running behind on cooking your meal and the guests are arriving way too soon? Simply sauté onions, waft the smell around, pull out all your ingredients, mess it up, and for all they know you’ve been at it for hours.

4. Balsamic vinegar: Great for dressings of all kinds.

5. Soya sauce: Key for sauces, dressings and more!

6. Sriracha Sauce: It is fantastic, cheap, and otherwise known as cock sauce. It is a hot chili sauce used to spice up meals.

7. Fresh herbs: If you are not used to cooking with fresh herbs it is difficult to use them before they go bad, so don’t rush into anything. Dried herbs will do the trick until you're sure fresh herbs are worth your money. I like to have parsley, cilantro, rosemary, basil, mint, and dill.

8. Seeds and nuts: It's great to have walnuts, pecans, pumpkin seeds, peanuts, pine nuts, and sesame seeds, but truth is, I generally only have two or three kinds. Pick your favourite to start, and get them in the bulk food section for less.

I use these in all sorts of things, but most commonly to throw on top of salads for nutrition, crunch, and flavour.

9. Bouillon cubes: A necessity for soups and gravies.

10. Red Wine Vinegar: Make some mean salad dressings with red wine vinegar.

Leanne comes from a long line of food lovers, and has been cooking since she was eight years old. She has spent many years creating the perfect chocolate chocolate chip cookie. In spite of all of her food experimentation, to this day her favourite meal is still a delicious bowl of popcorn.

the capilano courier | vol. 45 issue 14

don’t really like this,” or, “I think this would taste better if it sat overnight,” are phrases commonly heard around my family’s dinner table. They may certainly sound like harsh or unnecessary statements, especially when coming from a daughter to her mother or father, and I know many parents who would be annoyed or insulted to hear this from their child on a regular basis. However, my brother and I were always taught that if something could be better, we should find a way to do it. Dinner table conversation would generally start with a discussion of the food in front of us, and how we could improve it. What was concocted from this ritual was my love for creating, adapting, and, most importantly, eating food.

I quickly learned that this deeply embedded habit, while it led to some scrumptious meals in the Kriz household, wasn’t accepted everywhere. When you try to tell your new boyfriend, who is attempting to impress you, that his soup was great but maybe if he added some salt, fresh parsley, and thyme, it would be top notch, it does not go over particularly well.

As I began to gauge when and where my mealtime commentary was appropriate, I simultaneously began developing my skills as a maker and eater of food. I hesitate to call myself a foodie, a term which traditionally refers to amateur cooks and those with a thirst for food knowledge, because that term is too often affiliated with fancy restaurants, out-of-reach wine-tasting festivals, and exquisite ingredients like truffle oil.

This definition is only furthered when the goto foodie website, Foodie.ca, featured their “10 Favourite Foods for Winter 2012”. It included a

With Leanne Kriz

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Op i n i o n s

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Edi tor // Marco Ferreira // o pi ni o ns @ c api l ano c o uri e r. c o m

The Visibility Problem Society’s underlying homophobic bias still present

// Tiaré Jung tive attention directed towards homosexuality

By Leah Scheitel by the heterosexual media, one would hope that // writer homophobia is a fading issue; something that our rom cute homosexual couples on Glee, to parents had to deal with in the 1970s and ‘80s. full HBO series like The L Word, gay and After all, Canada legalized gay marriage in 2005, lesbian characters are becoming increas- and Vancouver itself is a gay-friendly city, with ingly more commonplace. With all of the posi- its annual Pride parade and gay neighbourhoods.

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However, it would be ignorant to believe homophobia has been eradicated because of a few popular television series, because clearly it has not. The University of Manitoba and University of Winnipeg conducted a survey of 3,700 high school students from December 2007 to June 2009, and found that homophobia is rampant in high schools. Seventy per cent of students reported that they heard phrases such as “that’s so gay” on a daily basis; 48 per cent say that words like “faggot”, “dyke”, and “homo” are everyday words in the hallways; and an alarming 64 per cent of homosexual students say that they don’t feel safe at their own school.

Homophobia is mainly generated from organized religion. Although many progressive religions have evolved over time and adopted an acceptance of a homosexual lifestyle, many have an ancient belief that homosexuality is wrong.

On Jan. 9, 2012, during a New Year’s address at the Vatican, Pope Benedict XVI commented on homosexuality, stating to an audience of 180 diplomats, “This is not a simple social convention, but rather the fundamental cell of every society.

Consequently, policies which undermine the family threaten human dignity and the future of humanity itself.”

Even today, there are many religions teaching that homosexuality is “dirty”, “sinful”, and “disgraceful”, making it easy to pinpoint the roots of homophobia.

Sometimes, homophobic activists can be driven by the shame that they, themselves are gay.

A study published in 1996 in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology found that up to 80 per cent of tested homophobic men may be extremely

homophobic because they fear that they are homosexual themselves.

The University of Georgia conducted the study, which was spearheaded by Professor Henry E. Adams. Men who claimed they were heterosexual and homophobic were shown gay porn, and four out of five of the subjects became sexually aroused by the images. Their penises were being monitored by a plethsymograph to record if it was stimulated while watching the erotica.

Although it is an old theory in psychoanalysis, this was the first scientific study to show that homophobia is actually an expression of self-hatred and repressed homosexuality. The findings from this study are reflected in real-life examples as well, with the multitude of anti-gay Republicans being exposed for being homosexual. A recent case was brought to media attention last year when State Rep. Phillip Hinkle was caught propositioning an 18-year-old man for sex over Craigslist, but there are many other stories like this.

Society still has hang-ups in regards to homosexuality. If our society were homophobia-free, high school students wouldn’t hear degrading messages towards homosexuals in their hallways every day, gay marriage would no longer be in debate, and public figures wouldn’t make openly homophobic statements.

We need to see gay people on prime time television. We need to hear role models and celebrities tell us that it is okay to be gay. We need our politicians to let everyone have the choice of whom they marry; but most importantly, as a society, we need to treat homophobia as a current and continuing issue, one that has not yet been surmounted despite the progress that has been made.

Cola War Casualties The classic argument runs deeper than taste

By Liam Loxton // Writer

the capilano courier | vol. 45 issue 14

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here has been a war fizzing for almost 40 years that continues to this day. I'm talking the war between PepsiCo products and the Coca-Cola family. This war has moved beyond North American borders and is being fought all over the world.

Coca-Cola has the top two dominant drinks, Diet and Classic Coke. Some say it's because Coke is less sweet and therefore easier to drink over a longer period of time; others claim it has a “cherry” tang to it. Either way, Coke's lead locally and internationally has brought attention to how it operates as a corporation. However, if one takes a closer look at the operations of both PepsiCo and Coca-Cola, some dirty secrets are revealed, and perhaps finally expose a winner for which soft drink company deserves our support.

A 2010 Michael Blanding investigative book entitled The Coke Machine: The dirty truth behind the world's favorite soft drink talks about the operations of Coca-Cola and some of its casualities.

The book offers a glimpse inside the monopolization of school vending machines which has been linked to childhood obesity, union busting in Mexico creating unjustifiable conditions for its

workers, murder of Colombian union members, and polluting water in India causing sickness among local villages; all crimes that have gone largely unreported in North America, thanks to Coca-Cola’s clever media control.

This is just the beginning of such atrocities that are being revealed. A campaign dubbed Killer Coke found at killercoke.com keeps visitors updated with all the corporation’s recent crimes against its workers, as well as listing all known injustices to date. All these are listed by country and range from denial of rights to murder.

One such story being highlighted is the accusation that Coke is propping up notorious Swaziland dictator King Mswati III, a man that has been accused of human rights abuses and of looting national wealth. The Swaziland Democracy Campaign is calling for Coca-Cola to pull out of the country immediately, but a representative of Coca-Cola has stated that they have no involvement with the political agenda of any country and has no plan to leave.

So if we want to be good global citizens, we should drink Pepsi, right? Pepsi does have more published praises versus Coca-Cola regarding its support of human rights, donating to disaster relief efforts, and environmental stewardship, including phasing out the use of genetically modi-

fied ingredients in its Frito Lay’s products.

There is less visible negative press circulating about PepsiCo because of a problem of transparency and media attention. This is because wherever there are protests against Coca Cola regarding water supply usage and treatment of employees, PepsiCo is just up the creek (sometimes literally). Some signs concerning their lack of social responsibility are visible, however, such as can be seen in a local lawsuit about a discovered mouse in a customer’s can. The prosecution is claiming a customer found a mouse

// JJ Brewis in his Mountain Dew but PepsiCo says this is impossible. Why? Well, not because they have the utmost care in bottling their product and following health regulations, but because any mouse that could find its way into a Mountain Dew would be completely liquefied into an unrecognizable state.

When it really comes down to it, maybe we as consumers shouldn’t care about Pepsi vs. Coke anymore. Maybe it’s time to hit up that third option that both companies try to make us forget, tap water.

opinions

The choose-your-own advertisement channel Is Tumblr really a personalized experience?

By Katherine Alpen // Writer

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t is way too easy to get lost in Tumblr. You just keep scrolling through an unending stream of pictures and information related to any subject you can think of but often don’t really need to know about.

There are a myriad of subjects to choose from, but one of the most addictive are the fashion pages. They overflow your senses with what you want and can’t afford but can only dream of. Of course, not every person on Tumblr is using it for style ideas or any type of help for that matter; there are bloggers and writers that post, and repost things of more importance than the colour of a scarf, but the dangerous side of all this influence is a commercial one.

When you search “fashion” in Tumblr looking for possible pages to add to your dashboard, the first page gives you 68 choices, and of those,

28 are name-brand pages. It’s like a marketer’s dream come true: designers and manufacturers can set up a Tumblr page, and like a soap-box to the masses, they are immediately saturated with eager listeners ready to observe, re-post, and share their product. It is the illusion of personalized style.

People asking complete strangers what size shoe they think is best, play-by-play fashion updates, and a constant stream of new rail-thin models is overwhelming to the fashion-conscious person. This is Tumblr’s new vantage point on the industry: by the time you see something you like, get out, buy it, wear it with the right shoes and get congratulations from your friends for the fashion sense you don’t actually have, there will already be four other posts up with items more current than the ones you just bought.

But is there really so much information, or just the illusion of it? Tumblr’s structuring allows re-blogging, meaning pictures, informa-

tion or articles are circulated faster and more times. This can create the illusion that there are a lot more sources than originally thought. With major fashion names adding tens of thousands of images a day, does anyone ever need to post something original?

In a magazine, there is a limit to the amount of content in each issue, but online, content is unlimited. In a regular magazine with 120 pages saturated in sex, the objectification of women and men from ads on every second page can be a lot. Tumblr is really a more efficient method for a highly criticized industry to just keep on displaying unrealistic body ideals.

A recent Louis Vuitton post made on Tumblr featured an extremely thin, sallow-cheeked model, sporting a box-like black dress, standing on a block with a number like an item up for auction. The fashion industry is notoriously known for rake-thin models, and Tumblr is just a newer, more efficient platform from which to attain

that influence.

In a world that is trying to shift away from that unhealthy perception of beauty, Tumblr’s influence on the users it attracts seems like a gigantic leap backward. Every major fashion name is on the bandwagon, along with personal pages for well-known models like Coco Rocha to show their latest most glamorous photo shoots. And usage is on the rise, growing from 4.2 million users in July 2010 to 13.4 million in July 2011. Understandably, Tumblr’s demographic is heavily skewed toward younger generations, with 50 per cent of the site’s visitors under age 25.

Tumblr creates a platform that is a brand’s best friend: an online magazine with thousands of possible formats, alterable to your own preferences, with never-ending information, no printing cost, a huge following, constantly reposted information, and the illusion of personal preference and gratification when it comes to what you see and use online.

DON’T GIVE ME SOME SUGAR Debunking the double-double lie

By Marco Ferreira // opinions editor

S

Now, get some fancy-ass beans; you can get a nice half-pound of coffee for around $10. I recommend a medium roast. That's around a $45 entry cost, and that half-pound of coffee you bought is going to provide about 21 six-ounce cups of coffee.

Now I'm going to actually blow your mind.

When your coffee doesn't taste like actual shit, you don't need to cover up how fucking awful it tastes with cream, and you aren't going to need to load it up with sugar like Mary Poppins, either.

So it's also much better for you, with coffee alone containing negligible calories. Not only that, but freshly ground beans carry some important vitamins and minerals that you are certainly not getting from a double-double. According to the USDA National Nutrient Database for Standard Reference, freshly ground coffee contains calcium, magnesium, potassium, and delicious phosphorus, as well as being a good source of riboflavins (vitamin B2).

Here's how to make a tasty cup of coffee properly and quickly: Put some water on to boil and grind your beans into a coarse consistency. A coarse grind looks like a fine grind, but more coarse. You're going to want to use about a third of a cup of coffee if you have an eight-cup French press. Some people like to stir their boiled water and preheat everything but that shit is for coffee maniacs and we are just coffee learners. Once

// Author illustration your water is boiled, give it a minute to cool down a bit. Now drop the ground coffee into the French press and start a four-minute timer. Pour the hot water on top, filling up the carraffe (body of the press). At the three minute mark give the coffee that's floated to the top a stir and then put the top of the French press on to keep the heat in. Take this time to go do something else. Smoke a joint to open up the taste buds of your minds-eye, or drink a glass of water to prepare your body for the extreme dehydration and diarrhea that comes from drinking 8 cups of coffee in a row. Now get all French and press that shit down. You’re fucking done! You did it! And you didn't even need to buy it from an egg-sandwich and doughnut serving fast-food restaurant that also smells like disinfectant! Plus it's going to taste great, and after your first sip I think you'll agree that you've been drinking it wrong this whole time.

People frequenting Starbucks and other subpar “fast” “food/coffee” establishments speak volumes to how as a society we need to be doing as much we can for ourselves and sharing the knowledge of how to do these things with one another, particularly things as easy as making our own coffee. If you drink it every day, why keep yourself dependent on other people to make it for you? Pack your lunch, cook for yourself, knit a pair of jeans, build a house, the possibilities are endless! Empower yourself. Start with coffee.

the capilano courier | vol. 45 issue 14

adly, for most of us, the first time we have sex isn't as satisfying as we might have hoped. After that, it's probably not going to get good for a while still. Odds are your first satisfying sexual encounter will blow your mind open to the true world of sexual experience, and you will never think of sex the same way again.

The sex you used to have, you now realize that you were only doing because it was nice and you just didn't know any better. Good sex ruins you for bad sex, because you will always know how much sweeter it can get. The same can be said after drinking a properly prepared cup of coffee after so many visits to Tim Hortons.

All around us, citizens are going about their day drinking cups of burnt-tasting sludge. As children, most of us didn't like coffee – it smells complex, looks mysterious, and tastes strong, like grandpa’s underarms. As social convention deems us old enough to carry a Starbucks cup around the mall, we start to force ourselves to sip it anyway. Everyone else is doing it, it must be important to do. This is the perseverance stage, when we endure the unsatisfying coffee, more a cup of cream and sugar, for the ends: the caffeine kick and the appearance of maturity. For most of us, caffeine dependence, like the necessity of the occasional orgasm, drives our addiction to coffee, at least for part of our lives. That is, until we have our first truly finger-in-asshole-knee-shaking-simultaneous-orgasm cup of coffee and see what we've been missing all along.

Drinking coffee should be done primarily for its delicious taste. The caffeine kick is an added bonus, or a nice reminder, like the after-glow of an orgasm. So many people drinking coffee for the caffeine is a travesty.

According to Statscan, Canadians consume 14 billion cups of coffee every year. Coffee is also the number one food service beverage in Canada, and has a relatively high profit margin.

According to Doug Fisher, president of Toronto food service consulting firm FHG International, in an interview with National Post, “Post-mixed [machine-dispensed] soft drinks and coffee make huge amounts of money on per-cup sales.

So where a hamburger may have a 25 per cent food cost, a $1 coffee might cost [a restaurant] 18¢ or 16¢ a cup.”

As coffee is Canada's number one drink of choice, big companies are scrambling to be the one filling your cup. Now Starbucks, McDonalds, Tim Hortons, and even Wendy’s all offer similarquality brewed coffee, and both Tim Hortons and McDonalds have expanded to espresso drinks, which are also growing in popularity.

In a recent article in the Globe and Mail, the four coffee-to-go juggernauts had their brews blind-tasted by a group of reputable coffee enthusiasts. The only result that matters, aside from Starbucks coming in dead fucking last with their heinous Pike Place roast, is that all of these coffees were, of course, shit. These large companies roast their sub-par beans in massive batches, infusing them with a burnt taste and removing any possibility of quality flavour. People who understand coffee aren't pretentious, just informed; so I think it's time Canadians paid closer attention and stopped fuelling our burnt, sour, shit-filled toilet of a coffee industry any further. It's easier than you would think to make great-tasting coffee at home, and I guarantee you will be pleased with how much better it drinks.

First, you're going to need to go out and buy a French press. The French press is a good choice for making coffee because the metal filter lets through oils in the coffee that lend themselves well to taste. Those shitty paper filters take the oils out of coffee, so why the fuck are you even going to drink it? A French press is a one-time purchase and you can get a decent four-cup for around $20.

You then need a coffee grinder. A good one can be useful in achieving a consistent grind, but a cheap one will work, so that's going to cost like $15.

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Caboose

Caboose

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Edi tor // MIKE BAST IEN // c abo o s e . c apc o uri e r@ gmai l . c o m

Body parts

Feet

By Liam Park

Ears

By Katherine Alpen

Fingers Cassidy Klassen

Hair Samantha Thompson

With over one quarter of my bones, over 150 connecting ligaments, and somewhere around 7,200 nerve endings each, each foot is the perfect result at least one-hundred-thousand generations of natural quality control. Minute details like those of an expertly crafted analogue watch keep me running on time. One would have to be truly mad to cover this feet/feat of engineering with a constantly deteriorating and inhibiting structure, smothering each foot with a cotton exit bag.

Trading the experience of diverse texture and temperature changes, free pavement massages rich in sensation, for the draining monotony of the suicide sock, sock, sock, sock, with every waking step.

I dare you to stare at an ear for 5 minutes, and not get really weirded out by how it looks. Trust me, two minutes into the cockle-shell gazing and you’ll be checking your own out to see if you also look like you have two translucent, badlybuilt shells on your head. Just when you thought you ran out of things to be self-conscious about.

But hey, at least the rest of the world (minus our good friend Van Gogh) is in the same protruding boat as you are. They are hella ugly. The whole lobe-stretching thing just makes me feel sorry for grandkids someday that are going to ask “Did they write the ‘do your ears hang low’ song after you, grandpa?” Oh man, and don’t even get me STARTED on how much ear hair freaks me out.

Someone needs to invent a Q-Tip with removal potential pronto.

Unlike some other lame body parts like the stomach or ears, fingers never get stale. Hearing? Digestion? Snooze fest! Clicking, touching, tapping, poking, pushing, showing that gentleman who just cut you off what you really think of his road-hogging attitude; fingers can do it all.

They even come with the added benefit of nails just waiting to be painted! I don’t see you rushing to glob color on your nose hairs, do I? Pull out a black Sharpie, draw some dots and crescent shapes placed in varying directions, and presto!

You’ve got yourself your own little army of “Finger Friends” ready to provide you with hours of social contact and zero-obligation acceptance where society has not.

I don’t care if hair doesn’t count as an “official” body part, I’m making it one. I love hair. The whole world loves hair, actually. We’re obsessed with it! Rapunzel throwing her hair out a window (wtf?), Willow whipping it back and forth (love it); without hair, your body is nothing. Hair doesn’t even need to be on your head! Austin Power’s chest hair is sexy (yeah, baby) and even a little bit of a beard never hurt anyone. The thing I absolutely can’t stand though is hair that isn’t being looked after. It’s gross. Why would you let such a godly gift go to waste? Wash your hair! Brush it! Caress it! Let Flynn Rider climb up it! Love it!

Whip it! Shake it! Celebrate this mystical gift to mankind! BE AS FREE AS YOUR HAIR!

F e at u r e d F i c t i o n

The Bitter taste of progress

By Scott Moraes // Writer

the capilano courier | vol. 45 issue 14

T

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he chill pushed people towards the flames. The chill, and the sheer sight of near-whole creatures crisping up above the fire (it was customary to remove the head, hands, and feet, and consign them to other uses).

These creatures were not unlike themselves, but this thought was quickly aborted. As a collective activity, this sort of celebration was still on trial, its participants torn between shame and necessity, between the memories of a better time and the bleak visions of a hopelessly sick future.

A wise old man, aware of the reluctance of some, spoke to the crowd: “There was a time when we would squeeze a lemon and then toss it, wasting the locked aroma of its zest. We would sacrifice our fellow animals – the pigs, the cows, the chickens, the sheep, and toss away their heads, their feet, their innards, all perfectly edible. With our culturally inherited disgust, we wasted more than we saved. Men killed men almost as a sport, and then fed the bodies to the dirt.”

Indoors, in the kitchen, a cauldron lies in wait, filled with stock, simmering for hours with vegetables, roasted bones, and the least desirable pieces of the carcasses. That stock would later be strained and thickened with blood, which is kept a secret: chefs are always in need of secrets and people have irrational aversions which refrain experimentation. Without experimentation, this generation is on a backwards-suicidal course.

“We have reduced the once thriving kingdoms of the oceans to a wasteland fogged with our rubble. If we have prevailed on this planet it is because we have sucked the life out of every-

thing we touched. However, through the darkest chapters, and through the brighter ones as well, we've come to accept that all gods share the same root and we have agreed to retire them all and lay down our arms,” the old man continued.

“We've accepted the varieties of gene, of pigment of skin, the balanced importance of genres.

We've retrieved the long forgotten habits of our ancestors – the wise ones, not the wasteful ones – and we've taken up the traditions of oral narrative, folk music, and collective celebration. We must confront and accept the absurdity of our path. If we are unhappy with the outcome of our race, we may resent it but we must recognize we ended up here through no fault of our own. We must blame the ones who have come before us, learn from their mistakes, and educate the ones that will remain after we're gone.”

The kids pay close attention and are mostly open-minded about the new traditions. Children accept whatever they're told; it took nothing but silence to eradicate God, Santa Claus, and the Easter Bunny from their culture of fantasies.

Farther away, a group of young women debate whether they should pay the premium price for the jewel in the crown. The fires are fed to indulge the pyromaniacs. The sounds of fiddles and guitars remind all that this is not a faraway land in a faraway time.

“In the past it was called by derogatory names.

We shall call it for what it is: nature, the food chain, and survival of the fittest. If we subject some of our own to this horrible but necessary fate, sometimes for no other reason but that they had made themselves visibly plumper, we must as well admit: Savages we may be, but we are a product of our past. Savages we have been for thousands of years, and perhaps will remain so

until we wane, but we have reached a high state of civilization, for we welcome the shame of our deeds and continuously wish they could be otherwise.”

Once the formal proclamation was over, people took to forming new bonds and refreshing old friendships. Behind bushes their everlasting primal instincts found release; in the unlocked mysteries of the skies they found premises for large stretches of imagination; fashion, customs, languages, just like the stars, are always shifting: we are forced to dance to the music.

All seemed at peace with reality. There was but one young boy visibly disturbed amidst the festivities. Having found the camp where the captives were held, he fell in love with a plump girl, and his humour suffered when he realized that he could not change her fate. He decided to forgo the feast and only drink the blood-thickened gravy, which he found delicious. Although he did not know it, part of his lover would now be part of him. He sat by himself on a rock, resenting the fact that humans could not lay eggs.

With JJ Brewis

The Hot Chart

GLUTEN FREE Wheat you gonna do about it?

COLIN FIRTH But “First”, The King’s Lisp?

LANA DEL REY The Queen’s Lips NOROVIRUS We ain’t shitting you YOUR ETSY STORE Sup, recession?

“SHIT _____ SAY” Shut _____ Up HMV Sleep well, sweet prince TOM WAITS Is that like “Jesus Wept”?

61 CENT POSTAGE STAMPS Hope grandma has iMessage

// Britta Bacchus