Capilano Courier Vol. 45 Issue 2

“Pushing buttons since 1968�

Volume 45

N O R T H V A N C O U V E R / / S e p te m b er 1 9 , 2 0 1 1

Issue N o. 02

with Waitlist woes // the future of the red gate // christy clark hates kids // and so much more ...

TABle of contents Vol. Fourty-Five | Issue 02

Pushing buttons since 1968

N e ws

Contac t u s

Phone

Praise? Damnation? Let us know what you think:

Sick of being waitlisted for classes? Well, suck it! And other pressing news

604.984.4949

C al e n d a r

Fax

604.984.1787

4 7

Celina gives lulzy reviews of events around town

Online

www.capilanocourier.com

Fe a t u r e s

8

What do superfoods, housing, and salmon stock management have in common? They all appear in this paper, dummy

Email

editor@capilanocourier.com

Are you a writer/illustrator/photographer? We'll pay you! Come to our story meetings:

TUESDAYS at NOON in MAPLE 122 Caveat lector

The Capilano Courier is an autonomous, democratically run student newspaper. Literary and visual submissions are welcomed. All submissions are subject to editing for brevity, taste, and legality.

The Capilano Courier will not publish material deemed by the collective to exhibit sexism, racism, or homophobia. The views expressed by the contributing writers are not necessarily those of the Capilano Publishing Society.

Sta f f

editor-in-chief

editor-in-chief

Samantha Thompson

Sarah Vitet

a rt d i r e c t o r

f e at u r e s e d i t o r

news editor

Shannon Elliott

JJ Brewis

Adélie Houle-Lachance

Gurpreet Kambo

opinions editor

Marco Ferreira

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I talk about sex and Dexter talks politics. Probably why things never worked out between us

Opinions

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We bitch about Christy Clark some more

23

Kevin disses gerbils

production mngr.

a rt s e d i t o r

Columns

C ab o o s e

The Capilano Courier is brought to you by the following people ...

Claire Vulliamy

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Do you listen to Bhangra? Well, I do, and it fucking rules

Cont rib u t i n g on

Ar t s

humor

+

fiction editor

Kevin Murray

copy editor

Celina Kurz

N OW H I R I N G

Distribution Manager Requirements: — A car — Free monday mornings — Intestinal fortitude (j/k)

Get money get paid

s ta f f w r i t e r

Evelyn Cranston

ad

+

events mngr.

Jonty Davies

business manager

web editor

Ricky Bao

Natahsha Prakash

email editor@capcourier.com

O

the cove

r

n

Shannon Elliott Shannon remembers going to salmon hatcheries as a kid when she spent the summers camping with her dad in the mighty B.C. wilderness. It was really cool because they gave you oversized gumboots to wear, and you had to dip them into a disinfectant bath before you went into the hatchery area, where you could see each different growth stage of the baby salmons swimming in huge plastic drums. Science!

ner Contest Win

Amber completed the Wacky Weasley Crossword from the last issue and won this fabulous can of Campbell’s chicken noodle soup! Delicious and high in protein. When asked for a comment, she replied “I didn't think George was the hottest Weasley.” We beg to differ, Amber. Stephanie also completed the crossword and came all the way to Cap on a Friday – sorry! Come back next week and we’ll give you something awesome. Everyone else, tune into the Caboose for new contests – we promise to have better prizes real soon!

{ WORLD* } This

WEEK in the

What’s got us all riled up in the office this week?

What’s the best term to describe people of Native American descent?

Is indigenous still cool?

from the editor //

You can't handle the truth

I

t is the unfortunate and awkward truth that society does not treat those of First Nations descent, or those working in the sex industry, with the same level of priority or importance as a Caucasian person. In the case of the Missing Women Commission Inquiry, somebody screwed up. Someone did not prioritize finding these missing women and getting them home, safe and sound. The Highway of Tears, a stretch of highway between Prince George and Prince Rupert, has been the location where at least 18 women disappeared and were later found dead. None of the cases have been solved, and now, with these important voices missing from the proceedings, someone is again making an egregious error.

Since the 1990s, many women have been reported as missing, with relatively little action taken to resolve the problem. Between Jan. 23, 1997 and Feb. 5, 2002, a huge number of women were reported missing from the Downtown Eastside in Vancouver. It was suggested that there was a serial killer active in the community, yet the complaints related to missing women were not taken seriously.

In many instances, the women reported missing were of First Nations background or were sex workers. On Jan. 27, 1998, the Criminal Justice Branch decided to enter a stay of proceedings on charges against Robert William Pickton of attempted murder, assault with a weapon, forcible confinement, and aggravated assault. However, in 2002, the police arrested Pickton and charged him with 27 degrees of first degree murder and six counts of second degree murder. Evidence at the trial suggested that Pickton may have murdered as many as 49 women overall – something that, it has been suggested, could have been avoided if the reports of missing women had been taken seriously in the first place.

Two weeks ago, we heard about the unfortunate situation of Kienan Hebert, who was taken from his house and went missing for two days. Instantly, an Amber Alert was put on, announced on media stations and buses. Although it is obviously a good thing that Hebert was brought back home later in the week, we must question why the widespread announcement of his disappearance was so much greater than that of any of the women who have gone missing along the Highway of Tears.

According to the Vancouver Sun, Skeena MLA Robin Austin said, in response to the news that Hebert had been found, “Wow, I guess the reason the Amber Alert worked and he’s back home safe is because he’s white.” According to Austin, many in the community still feel that saving the lives of young aboriginal women is not a priority.

Too often, public opinion in Canada suggests we are immune to inequality and unjust actions. Certainly these things occur, but who are we, really, to do anything about them? All of the 'isms' are swept under the rug, hidden from view to make it easier for us to forget about them.

Feminism, for example, is often heavily criticized for being too ag-

Wok Box is racist

— Samantha Thompson // editor-in-chief

The Voicebox

with Jonty Davies!

Look for the Voicebox on Tuesday afternoons in the Birch cafeteria, to anonymously “voice” your “opinion” on any “topic.” Introverted alternatives include emailing your opinion to voicebox@capilanocourier.com, or texting (778) 228-0048.

I checked out Playland for the first time in years! It was awesome, but as we were standing in line for the Hells Gate, the girl next to me who literally had dried puke crusted to her face turned and asked if this was a ride that made people throw up. Yeah, I just went on the swings instead.

Breaking Dawn – greatest literary sike of all time?

gressive and “anti-male,” even though at its heart, feminism is simply calling for equality between men and women. Yet what we often forget, or choose to ignore, is that this equality has not been achieved by women who simply move out of kitchens and get jobs. All women count in this goal of equality, and that includes women of all racial backgrounds and professions, including those who are sex workers.

As active members of society, we are faced with information every single day. Our brains filter down that information according to our own biases, limiting what we accept as truth, or what even warrants our attention. On a larger scale, authorities do the same thing: they filter out all the things that they hear, and decide which are important enough for them to take action on – again, according to biases, perceived or otherwise. Often, these filters work in ways that result in immeasurably awful results.

The Missing Women Inquiry is the climax of what happened when the filtration system of what is important and what is not goes horribly wrong. As we study at university, it is important that we actively filter out the bullshit from actual truth.

Don’t take anything you hear as truth, until you’ve critically thought about it.

When we think passively, we set ourselves up for failure. We can’t sit back and accept the information that is thrown up all over us as truth.

If we do, one by one we will each become royally screwed, and the rights of the members of our society will be continuously undermined by those placed in positions of authority.

Did you try the new ride, “AtmosFear”? It’s dope, but avoid the deep fried butter, which apparently is a thing.

So, question. Is it weird that I’ve never ever seen any of the “Star Wars” movies but I know random facts about them?

What’s the difference between pussy and parsley? No one eats parsley.

1-800-656-4673: Sexual Assault Hotline

Text

48

0 778.228.0

When I was 12, I though hotmail was a porn site. A gay porn site.

1-800-656-4673: Sexual Assault Hotline It does NOT make you less racist by throwing the line, “I’m not a racist, but…” before making your racist comment.

1-416-979-5255: Racism Hotline When ordering pizza, don’t get suckered into the “fresh” brownies – Geoff’s advice of the day.

604-310-1010: Pizza Hutline

No. Why is Sarah Rowland so bad?

There are so many babes at Cap! Seriously, I don’t think I can contain myself.

1-800-656-4673: Sexual Assault Hotline

* List not comprehensive

Dear Jonty, Sexual assault is not funny. I trust that you will soon find this out for yourself if you want to keep joking around like this.

Love, Cheetah

ne w s

EDIT OR // Gurpreet Kambo // ne w s @ c api l ano c o uri e r. c o m

SFU STUDENTS PAYING AS MUCH AS $500 TO SKIP WAITLIST Coincidentally, the CSU launches Waitlisted campaign

By Samantha Thompson // Editor-in-Chief

the capilano courier | vol. 45 issue 2

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t Capilano, there are currently hundreds of students on waitlists to get into classes. Although accurate numbers for this statistic are difficult to measure, the number is great enough that the Capilano Students’ Union (CSU) has been inspired to launch a new campaign that will document students’ real-life waitlist horror stories.

The campaign, aptly called “Waitlisted”, aims to stimulate “awareness about issues pertaining to the accessibility of education at Capilano,” according to David Clarkson, Chairperson of the CSU’s executive. The scale of the campaign is yet to be determined, although Clarkson assured that the campaign would get bigger over time.

“Hopefully, it will achieve … awareness among students around the issues that are affecting them, and secondly, help[s] motivate change at the administrative end … and the levels of government that are able to … alleviate some of the problems that exist.”

Clarkson points out that the responsibility for class accessibility primarily falls on the shoulders of the provincial government, as they are “largely financing the operation, [and] they’re setting out what universities should be offering in terms of courses.”

However, Capilano’s Board of Governors also made the decision to accept a budget that would result in a lot of class sections, requested through the faculties of Arts and Sciences, to not be created so that the money could be spent in other areas.

“There is a demand [for classes] and that’s always challenging because you want to be able to meet that demand but … there are budgetary restrictions around that,” says Karen McCredie, Registrar for Capilano University.

“You can look at it as an issue of not enough money,” says Clarkson, “or you can look at it as an issue of not spending the money you have appropriately.”

The high demand for class spots is not unique to Capilano, however. With insufficient amounts of class sections and a severe lack of funding available across the board at post-secondary institutions, students at SFU and UBC are taking matters into their own hands.

Unlike Capilano with its waitlist system, the registration process for both of these institutions works in such a way that allows students to cheat the system. Conveniently, many classes at UBC don’t have waitlists – allowing the black market of class registration to flourish.

At UBC, students are given priority for registration based on what year of study they are in.

Students in fourth year get first priority, followed by first, third and second.

Students have been partnering up with their friends with better registration dates to ensure that they get into classes necessary for graduation. Students with these earlier times can register in the class and then drop it when their friend is able to register in it themselves. Amanda Figgs*, a third-year student at UBC, currently has

* Names have been changed

a fourth-year friend holding her a spot in a class she’s looking to take in the Spring semester.

“My friend who has fourth-year standing registered in this class … for me,” she says, “and is just going to hold it until registration … dies down a bit. And then, in the middle of the night when no one is online, she’ll drop it and I’ll pick it up.”

The absence of waitlists in these classes makes the “holding classes” procedure relatively flawless. A friend drops the class, opening up a spot for their friend to jump into.

However, even classes with waitlists have a loophole. According to Figgs, if someone drops a class that has a waitlist, there is a lag in the system for a very short amount of time, where no one who is on the waitlist has been offered the space. During that lag, a student can jump the waitlist and get into the class. However, according to McCredie, Capilano’s system does not have this loophole.

“Every system has its flaws, and if I’m speaking on behalf of all the registrars of British Columbia … our goal is always to ascertain what those flaws are,” says McCredie, “and then try to set up processes or change the way the system works to make that as minimal as possible.”

“We’re all students, we all know what it’s like to have to pay way more than you should for your education,” says Figgs. “I just think all of us are just really desperate to complete our degrees in as little time as possible.”

While many people take advantage of their earlier registration ticket to help their friends get into much needed upper-level classes, Ming Pao, a local Chinese newspaper, recently reported that some students at SFU have taken advantage of a desperate market and begun charging as much as $500 for a seat in a lecture hall.

“I don’t think that that is right, and personally I would never want to jeopardize somebody completing their degree … or take advantage of the fact that they need to complete their degree,” says Figgs. “It seems like extortion.”

Students selling class spaces typically do so for upper-level commerce and economics courses, and then sell their spots openly on the Internet, often with the posts including the seller’s personal phone number. A website that is geared towards Chinese students studying at SFU has a page where people can buy and sell products to one another. Although most of the items for sale are used textbooks, a number of class spaces can be found as well, with terms like “price negotiable” written next to the lecture times and dates.

“There’s a concern there that it could perpetuate some kind of disparity between those who can afford to pay for education and those who can’t, which is already quite a significant issue,” says Clarkson.

Although SFU has stated that they will look into the matter, something like this is evidently difficult to monitor.

“I think in general, any kind of situation like this opens up an opportunity to reevaluate your policies and procedures to make sure that you haven’t allowed for any loopholes that can be taken advantage of,” says McCredie, “because our job as registrars is to protect the students’ registration process and admission process.

So if I find out that there is a gap there that’s

allowing students to be taken advantage of, or not to be handled in an equitable manner, then it is my responsibility as the registrar to do something about that.”

Students at SFU are able to register in five classes per semester, which enables students only taking three or four classes to hold spaces in additional lectures to make some extra money. Although $200–$500 may seem like a steep price to pay for a seat, for international students in particular it is likely worth the cost if it means graduating sooner – as the cost of living for an additional semester would be well above that cost.

“I certainly understand that there is a … pentup demand for courses, and certainly we feel that

system-wide. If you talk to any of the registrars across BC they’re all going to say the same thing: their hot classes are hot,” says McCredie. “I have full confidence that they [SFU] will handle it in the best way. Certainly there is never a day that a surprise doesn’t come through, at least at some institution, let alone your own.”

According to Figgs, some professors at UBC will kick the student out of the class if they learn that the student is in the class as a result of a friend holding their spot. The underlying concern, however, is why students are being forced to take such extreme measures in the first place.

SFU and UBC did not respond to interview requests as of press time.

// Haley Whishaw

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SECHELT AND SQUAMISH CAMPUSES WILL REAP BENEFITS OF HEALTH PLAN But not until the spring semester

By Celina Kurz // Copy Editor

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s most students at the North Vancouver campus are now aware, this year the CSU has implemented a health and dental plan at Capilano University. This plan is offered to all students on the North Vancouver campus, and is also extended towards family members of students.

Initially, it was thought that students on the Sechelt and Squamish campuses would not be able to participate in the plan due to the fact that they don’t pay the same membership fees as North Vancouver students, even though they are technically members of the CSU. However, as a result of new discoveries by the CSU’s Health and Dental Committee, the possibility of students on the Sechelt and Squamish campuses being invited to participate in Capilano’s medical plan is becoming a reality: in the Spring semester, students on the regional campuses who are registered for 9 or more credits will be allowed to opt into the medical plan.

As Chairperson of the CSU’s Health and Dental Working Group, David Clarkson has been involved with the process since the Fall of 2010.

“Originally we wanted to have a health and dental plan for everybody,” he explains, “[but] when we started looking into it ... [we discovered] we could only provide [the service] to students who paid student membership fees.”

After doing additional research into the CSU’s by-laws, however, it was revealed that there was “an existing provision ... that allows a non-paying member of the student society ... to elect to become a paying member by paying membership fees.” This provision acts as a loophole which could allow students on the Squamish and Sechelt campuses to become eligible to opt into the

health and dental plan, albeit at the same 150% premium that part-time Capilano students and family members of students must pay when they opt in.

They would also be charged CSU student fees, which ring in at $5.59 per credit, including a $1 Building Fee, a fund being used to acquire new student space on the North Vancouver campus.

One of the controversial things about the way the health and dental plan has had to be implemented on the regional campuses is the question of whether or not these fees will actually benefit the regional students.

Clarkson stresses the point that the Health and Dental Committee did not have a choice in this matter. “We’re only doing it to satisfy the legal obligations of the original health and dental referendum,” he says, “and if we could amend that, that is what we’re kind of looking to do.” There has also been discussion, unrelated to the health and dental plan, about ways that

the CSU can become more involved with the regional campuses.

Unfortunately, even though the CSU’s board of directors approved a motion allowing the use of this provision to assist non-paying members in gaining access to the medical plan, technical difficulties have stalled the progress of its actual implementation.

Mike Proud, Capilano’s Director of Finance, explains that before the CSU could finalize the decision, they first had to “determine how students would opt themselves in,” and create not only a system that would let students do that, but also alert students of the fact that they were eligible to opt in. “Right now, there’s no automatic way to do that.”

The CSU made the final decision to push the implementation date until the Spring term of 2012 on Sept. 9. According to Clarkson, this decision “was made with the intention to ensure that an appropriate amount of time could be spent

// Katie So

to deliver the same quality of service that's offered on the North Vancouver campus to those students in Sechelt and Squamish.” In addition to all the work that needed to be done to create an infrastructure for this information, there also was a risk of eligible students being unable to opt in within the time frame left in the Fall term. These students would not be able to opt in during the Spring term.

This does raise the question of whether or not these students actually want a health plan.

Clarkson admits that the type of surveying that was done around the North Vancouver campus didn’t extend to the Sechelt and Squamish campuses. “Most of our data comes from the two focus groups that we’ve done, and from speaking to the deans responsible for the campuses.

We’ve also gotten some second-hand anecdotal evidence that students are wanting in on the [health and dental] plan, but we don’t really have any quality statistical data.”

However, due to the fact that students will not be automatically opted into the plan, students who are not interested will have the option to opt out. “Even if it’s just five students that opt in, that’s five students that have health insurance now that can go see a dentist, get their prescription drugs, or get a pair of glasses. If it’s a hundred students, well, that’s twenty times better,” says Clarkson.

While this compromise leaves Sechelt and Squamish students paying nearly twice as much for their health plan, Clarkson remains positive. “I think it’s important for the student society to provide the same services to everybody ... [the situation] is not ideal, but it’s better than nothing.”

Unfortunately, we were unable to communicate with representatives from the Squamish and Sechelt campuses to hear their view on the story.

PhD legal battle comes to a close Judge rules against University of Manitoba professor

By Leif Larsen // The Manitoban (University of Manitoba)

this proven, professionally diagnosed disability,” he added.

In the wake of Justice McCawley’s ruling, the university has been met with criticism at home and abroad.

In a blog entry on the website of the U.K.’s Daily Telegraph, titled, “Why I’m getting my PhD from the ‘University’ of Manitoba,” James Delingpole criticizes the institution for being overly accommodating and suggested that the U of M might be a “diploma mill,” an accusation that the university vehemently refutes.

“The University of Manitoba remains committed to the principles of academic integrity and excellence. We are confident that a degree from the University of Manitoba is widely respected and valued," Danakas said in response to the Telegraph.co.uk post. "Our alumni prove this every day as they are recognized for achieving great things around the world in a wide variety of fields."

In talking to the Manitoban, Lukacs said he was also concerned about the comments in McCawley’s ruling stating that the university is a private entity, and decisions made on its behalf are

private decisions. He argues that an institution that relies so much on public money should be accountable to that public.

Robert Tapper, Lukacs’ lawyer, agreed with his client and told the Manitoban he felt that this part of McCawley’s ruling was “incorrect.” However, Tapper didn’t feel that “anyone will pay much attention” to McCawley’s comments about the public or private nature of universities. He added that “there are a number of decisions [about universities being public or private entities] that say other things.”

Danakas stated that in light of the controversy surrounding the case, the U of M will be reviewing its policies surrounding accommodating students with disabilities. He added that “[the U of M’s] Senate has struck a committee which is studying how these decisions ought to be made, and it will be issuing a report to Senate later this year.”

Danakas would not speculate on the university’s course of action should Lukacs decide to appeal McCawley’s decision, nor would the mathematics professor say what his plans for going forward were.

the capilano courier | vol. 45 issue 2

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INNIPEG (CUP)—A case that saw the University of Manitoba embroiled in a highly publicized legal battle with one of its professors for close to a year came to a conclusion in late August.

On Aug. 24, more than eight months after reserving her decision, Justice Deborah McCawley ruled that U of M math professor, Gabor Lukacs, lacked “public- and private-interest standing,” and supported the university’s application to strike his application for judicial review of the decision to award a PhD to a student who did not pass a comprehensive exam requirement.

The student’s name cannot be revealed due to a publication ban. In an interview with the Manitoban, Lukacs said that he disagreed with the judge’s ruling but would not criticize it in the “court of public opinion.”

“If I do criticize her decision, it will be in the court of appeal,” he said.

Lukacs had taken the university and its dean of graduate studies, Jay Doering, to court last fall,

following the university’s decision to award the PhD degree to the student in question.

When asked to address his reasoning for disputing the university’s decision, considering that he was not professionally linked to the student, Lukacs explained that he was worried about the harm that awarding this PhD would have on the reputation of the University of Manitoba, and what stigmas might be attached to a graduate’s credentials in light of this case.

He went on to say that he wants “an employer seeing a degree from the University of Manitoba [to say]: ‘This is someone with a degree from a trustworthy institution, and the student who bears this certificate will surely be a quality expert in his or her field.’”

John Danakas, director of marketing and communications for the U of M, said that the university was “pleased that Justice McCawley ruled in its favour on the question of whether or not Professor Lukacs had the legal standing to sue over the matter of an accommodation for a student with a disability.”

“The university was obligated to accommodate

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news

TEDx Meet Cap U World-Famous Speaker Series Comes to Capilano

By Frank Paul // Writer

“I

deas worth spreading”: it is the slogan of Technology Entertainment and Design, or TED, a global set of conferences that bring together the world’s most fascinating thinkers and doers. TED aims to provide a platform for the world’s smartest thinkers, greatest visionaries, and most inspiring teachers, so that millions of people can gain a better understanding of the biggest issues faced by the world.

TED speakers are challenged to give the talk of their lives in an engaging and innovative way, all within a relatively small timeframe (18 minutes or less). The talks cover a wide range of topics in the research and practice of science and culture. Many students have likely seen or heard of these talks, as they are widely reported on and available for free on the TED website. The brand is recognized the world over for its capacity to inspire and its ability to attract prestigious speakers such as Al Gore, Richard Dawkins, and Bill Gates.

On Nov. 5, Capilano University will hold its first TEDx event in the North Shore Credit

The

Union Centre for the Performing Arts. TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience.

At the event, TED videos and live speakers will combine to spark deep discussion and connection amongst all of the attendees.

Among the people in attendance will be thought leaders from Vancouver businesses and entrepreneurs who are making a difference in the community. There will also be educators, politicians, industry leaders, and members of the Vancouver blogging community. The intent is to make TEDx a trending event across Canada and help put Capilano University on the media map.

Of the 384 available seats, approximately 100 tickets will be made available for sale to Capilano students. According to Patricia Lambert, Head of the BOSS Self-employment Entrepreneurship Program (a program that provides entrepreneurs with practical and current skills, tools and thinking), and member of the TEDxCapU organizing team, the day will “focus on the theme of entrepreneurship and the impacts of change on businesses.” Technology, Expectations, and Demographics are the three subject areas related to

Capilano Courier’s

the capilano courier | vol. 45 issue 2

AGM & Board Elections

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change that speakers will discuss, with the focus on how these elements affect businesses.

TEDx will feature nine speakers in the three categories already mentioned, including notable people such as Peter Van Stolk, founder of Jones Soda Co.; Cybele Negris, co-founder and President of webnames.ca; and Capilano University Professor Ivan Surjanovic. Further information on all nine speakers will be made available on TEDxCapU.com in the coming weeks.

There are a number of ways for the student body to become involved in the TEDx event. The organizing committee is actively seeking 50 volunteers through its’ website for a variety of roles in which students will have the opportunity to rub shoulders with Vancouver’s business elite.

In addition, TEDx is also sponsoring three competitions for the event in the areas of public speaking, art design, and filmmaking. One individual will have the opportunity to be one of the nine live speakers at the TEDx event, where they will receive coaching and mentoring before they deliver a speech in the category of Expectations. There will also be separate competitions

held: one where an individual will create a 2-D art piece in the spirit of TED; and one in which an individual will create a 60-90 second teaser/ trailer for the event. Information on all of these competitions including rules and deadlines can be found on the TEDx website.

Lambert believes than an ideal TEDx event is one where “ideas have been challenged and/ or created, and where solutions may have been laid at the table, ones that are usable and relevant after the event.” It is an event where “people learn there are great ideas, they meet people they didn’t know before, and they realize they’ve got places to think that they’ve never had to think before.” Given Capilano’s reputation as a place for creative thinkers seeking practical, applicable solutions that lead to stronger local, national, and global communities, the event seems like a perfect fit.

Tickets for students for the TEDx at CapU event will go on sale in October. For further information on speakers, contests, ticket sales, and volunteering, please visit the event’s website at www.TEDxCapU.com

! a z z i Tuesday October 4th ee p r f 11:30am in the Courier Office - Maple 122

the ca p ca l e n da r C e l i na W i th

Kur z !

C O PY @ C A PI L A N O C O U R I E R . C O M

Contact us to have your event featured in the calendar.

D on’t forget the date, time, address, and price!

m o n d ay s e p t. 1 9 PLAYLAND MONDAY Did you know you can still go to Playland? Take the day off! Forget your problems! Ride the coaster! Today, school doesn't exist!

All day long. Playland. $12.95 – $29.95.

EARTHQUAKE PREPAREDNESS: BE PREPARED, NOT SCARED Lately I've seen a lot of earthquake advertisements. Do you ever get that feeling that someone knows something we don't? It's probably a wise idea to check out this seminar.

7 PM. Alma VanDusen Room, Vancouver Public Library, 350 Georgia St. Free.

PUB TRIVIA NIGHTS AT THE ACADEMIC Are you a “trivia whiz”? Do you consider yourself the next Ken Jennings? See if your trivia skills are up to the test! I'm so terrible at these games. I don't know anything about sports. I think there should be themed trivia nights. If there was, say, a cat video trivia night, I could win.

7 PM. The Academic, 1619 West Broadway St. Free.

KARKWA WITH AIDAN KNIGHT, THE BELLE GAME Polaris prize winners Karkwa visit Vancouver, with Victoria local Aidan Knight and Vancouver locals The Belle Game opening. According to the press release, it is “sure to be a sing along splendor.” Woop woop!

Doors 8 PM. The Biltmore, 395 Kingsway St. $15

RUNNING JOKE Comedian Darcy Michael is featured at this fundraiser to support Shoe4Africa, a charity that is looking to build a children's hospital in Africa.

Funny and sad! My two favourite emotions.

9 – 11 PM. Kino Cafe, 3456 Cambie St. $10.

UNTHANK VIDEO WEDNESDAYS Black Dog Video is hosting weekly late-night bizarro video nights. This week’s feature is “Paris Blues”, which features Paul Newman and Sidney Poitier as ex-pats living in “gay paree.” According to event co-ordinator Patrick Geraghty, “it's a movie about how what you want is who you are, and that's ok, even if what you want is awful. What's a bigger taboo than that??? You think Ron Howard would direct that?

You think Fartin Scorcese would direct that??”

Don't miss it!!

10:30 PM – 1:30 AM. Black Dog Video, 3451 Cambie St. Free!

t u e s day s e p t. 2 0 SHINDIG NIGHT 2 CITR's annual battle of bands started last week.

This week, the three groups that will be fightin' it out “in the pit” are Diamond Dancer, The Killed Spirits, and SR JONES. I don't know who any of them are either, but be the first of your friends to check ’em out! Don't miss out on “jokes for beer” either (bring a joke, win a beer!).

Starts at 9 PM. The Railway Club. $8

we d. s e p t. 2 1 GREEN DRINKS AT STEAMWORKS Not actual green drinks, sadly. Environmentalstyle green. This is an “informal social event for people who are passionate about environmental and sustainability issues.” If that sounds like your cup of (green) tea, head down to Steamworks!

5:45. Steamworks Pub, 375 Water St. Free, plus cost of drinks.

t h u r s day s e p t. 2 2 PEAK PERFORMANCE CONCERT SERIES #3 I guess it's battle of the band season! Featuring Vancouver local artists The Oh Wells, Ashleigh Eymann, Sex With Strangers, and The Boom Booms.

8 – 11:30 PM. Red Room Ultrabar, 398 Richards St. $12.

BIG AND RICH WITH GRETCHEN WILSON If you're a redneck woman who wants to save a horse via riding a cowboy, this is the show for you. P.S.: lol at this concert being in Abbotsford.

Doors 7:30 PM. Abbotsford Entertainment and Sports Centre, 33800 King Rd. $75/140

CONNECTIONS TO EMPLOYMENT JOB FAIR This job fair “teaches new-immigrant job seekers about opportunities in various fields.” Bring a stack of resumes to drop off to prospective employers!

10 AM – 3 PM. Vancouver Public Library, 350 West Georgia St. Free!

DRUNK WEDNESDAY Who wants to slang some 40s in a park? YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. 7–ish. In a park. $8.

INTRODUCTION TO EMAIL Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. But seriously, if you don't know how to email, get the heck on it. What are you, a hundred? Unless you are legitimately a hundred years old, you need to get on this.

1:30 – 3 PM. North Vancouver Public Library, 3045 Highland Blvd. Free.

f ri day s e p t. 2 3 THE YOUNG LIBERALS HOST A SOCIAL WITH STÉPHANE DION If you want to meet either Stéphane Dion or a handsome/beautiful young liberal, this is your chance! Your ONCE-IN-A-LIFETIME CHANCE. Also, the Cactus Club serves a mean cajun chicken sandwich.

7 PM. Cactus Club, 1530 West Broadway. Free, plus cost of dinner.

FIG YOU FRIDAY Having a sucky friday? Well, fig you! You can fig right off! Go fig yourself!

Everywhere that people are having a bad day.

Free.

LASER BEASTIE BOYS This is sure to be an “intergalactic” experience! You won't have to “fight for your right” to get into this party, as long as you don’t cause “sabotage.”

9:20 PM. HR MacMillan Space Centre. $10.75.

TOMMY WISEAU AND THE ROOM LIVE AT THE RIO The Olio Festival and The Rio are hosting two screenings of the cult classic, the best-worst movie ever made “The Room”. It will also be featuring a once-in-a-lifetime Q and A session with Tommy Wiseau himself (!). You could say that my anticipation for this event is ... tearing me apart.

Showings at 7 and 9:30 PM. The Rio Theatre, 1660 East Broadway. $15/advance, $18/door.

PETER FRAMPTON OR BROKEN SOCIAL SCENE You decide! The man who invented the Talk Box? Or Canadian indie darlings? The world is your buffet!

8 PM/7 PM. River Rock Casino/Malkin Bowl.

8811 River Road, Richmond/Stanley Park, Vancouver. $79.75/95.75 or $48.50.

SMOKADELIC SATURDAYS For all the marijuana lovers out there, this is the party for you! If the idea of bong hit competitions and marijuana magic shows sounds like your cup of (stem) tea, then you've “hit” the jack“pot”! “High” fives? Hope the neighbours don't tell you to “pipe” down? You'll probably listen to ... Bob Marley? SMOKIN'!

12 – 8 PM. Vancouver Seed Bank, 872 E. Hastings. $5.

JAMES BLAKE “UK boy wonder armed with electronic sensibilities, quasi-vocoder vocals, and love of moderate dubstep. Debut Vancouver performance sure to be on every music lover's year end top ten list.”

Sounds like fuu-uun!

Doors at 8 PM. The Commodore Ballroom, 868 Granville St. $27.50.

BON IVER Everyone totally friggin’ cums over Bon Iver.

Personally, he's not really my thing, but regardless of my personal feelings, this concert is sold out. If you're lucky enough to have a ticket to this show, don't forget to go! That would be kind of a dick move seeing as everyone wants to be there. Our Features Editor said she cried when she saw him at Sasquatch, so if you like crying you'll probably have fun.

Doors 7:30 PM. The Orpheum Theatre, 884 Granville St. Sold out!

BON IVER LISTENING PARTY No ticket to the show? Oops, sorry. Guess you’re gonna boil up some Earl Grey and cry yourself to sleep listening to “Skinny Love.” Bummer!

Lonely apartments across the lower mainland.

7:30-Bed time. Free! Plus cost of dinner.

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s u n day s e p t. 2 5 WORD ON THE STREET This is such a fun event! This year, the event will also be held on Friday and Saturday, but the main attractions will be happening on Sunday.

Meet local writers and comic artists, get strange complimentary things (one year I got a bookmark with my name written in calligraphy on it), and get involved in the local literary community.

Word on the Street features readings, performances, workshops, and much more.

11 AM – 5 PM. Library Square, 350 West Georgia St. Free!

STORIES ALONG THE TRAIL “Costumed actors weave together the music of wind, water, frogs, and birds.” Fuck yeah, they do. This sounds fuckin’ awesome.

1 – 4 PM. Pacific Spirit Regional Park, UBC Endowment Lands. Free!

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INTIMATE MASTERCLASS WITH TOMMY WISEAU A cast and crew will be hand-picked from the audience and directed by Tommy Wiseau himself (!) to act out a contest-winning screenplay.

ONCE-IN-A-LIFETIME CHANCE. 2 – 4 PM. The Rio Theatre, 1660 East Broadway. $22/advance, $25/door.

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EDIT OR // Adél ie Houl e- Lachance // s pe c i al fe ature s . c apc o uri e r@ gmai l . c o m

A S ’ T I , O N !

E N A L P A S ’ T I !

D R I B A S ’ IT

! !

D D O O O O F F R R E E P P U SSU

Choosing high quality foods over quantity

By Adelie Houle-Lachance // Features Editor

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As well as boosting the immune system, which assists in the prevention of allergic reactions and diseases, mangosteen fruit helps treat inflammation, lower fever, stabilize blood sugar, relieve fungal infections, and lessen depression and anxiety.

Mangosteen is most commonly found in liquid form, either in juice, concentrated syrup, or blended with other juices and/or oils. It is an excellent addition to smoothies.

Mangosteens, or any other blood-sugar regulating superfood, are a great way of controlling cravings. Cravings are a vicious cycle, one that also happens to be easily remedied.

Cravings and holistic health To begin, foods that contain high amounts of calories, sugar, and starch not only have little nutritional value, but they also trigger reactions in our blood sugar. These translate to uncontrollable cravings, and they are caused by bursts of insulin, which comes from climbs and crashes of blood sugar levels due to high starch or sugar content in food. So, eating less starchy and sugary foods means fewer cravings.

When it comes to overall health, there are a few easy tricks to keep in mind. Having a general understanding of how our body works is beneficial, especially when it comes to feeding it what it needs, when it needs it. For example, a common sign of dehydration is craving sugar or salt. When we are thirsty, we are also low in electrolytes, and as many of us have glucose addictions, the body will translate its need for water in a sudden craving for something completely different.

Overall, it is important to be consuming fewer organic foods that are rich in full proteins and whole nutrients rather than eating larger amounts of poor, processed foods. Grains like quinoa, fruits like coconuts, veggies like kale, and legumes like red lentils are a good place to start.

It is important to remember that superfoods are not a replacements for substantial foods, but are simply supplements that often make great snacks. However, they must remain an addition to an already balanced, healthy diet.

// Illustrations by Sarah Taylor

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çai berries are known as a powerful antioxidant and a fruit that is rich in omega fats, protein, and vitamin C. While they are currently a booming fad, this berry can actually be categorized as a superfood. Superfoods have been around long before the popularity of the Açai berry. As people become more and more concerned with the quality of the food they are consuming, a window of opportunity arises for the superfood.

Superfoods are simply foods that have an augmented concentration of a wide array of nutrients, often providing full spectrums of vitamins or proteins, as opposed to foods that are high in a single type of nutrient, such as potatoes, which are primarily starch based.

In an age where food production has been rising and continues to rise, exponentially, one might begin to pose questions about the sources and quality of the food they are ingesting.

Environmental factors such as pollution and toxic chemical fertilizers should be taken into consideration, which, combined with genetic modifications and other alterations, have made the nutritional quality of our food into a questionable topic. Strains of even simple vegetables have become so genetically altered that food which could have sustained us years ago now needs to be supplemented with other sources of necessary nutrients in order to maintain a healthy, balanced lifestyle.

“History has shown repeatedly that the less you eat, the longer you live,” explains Yossi Rouch, a student of nutrition with a special interest in raw food diets and superfoods. He explains that by eating fewer nutrient-filled foods, the body “doesn't spend as much time filtering food” in order to obtain the nutrients in it. This leads to higher energy levels, increased concentration, better sleep, and an overall feeling of wellness, physically, emotionally, and mentally.

“It's like putting high octane fuel into your tank: [if you do] the engine will be more efficient and will run much smoother,” says Rouch.

Many are seeking alternative diets, such as vegetarianism (not eating animal meat), veganism (not eating animal byproducts), and rawfood diets (only eating uncooked food). In any diet, however, one must be diligent to ensure they are not missing any spectrum of important proteins, vitamins and nutrients.

Unfortunately this is often the case, as every body is unique: we each have our own physiology and cannot possibly live healthily under one common diet. We must therefore strive to understand our own make-up, and the type of food that consequentially allows for our bodies to be at their peak performance. Not doing so often creates deficiencies. That being said, this issue can be easily resolved with time to dedicate to

research, and finding the appropriate supple- It is an organic, non-genetically modified, 100% ments. Of this, superfoods are great examples.

Aphanizomenon flos-aquae blue-green algae. It contains 65 different vitamins, minerals, and enMaca Root zymes, and has more active chlorophyll than any Lepidium Peruvianum Chacon other food. It is immensely nutrient concentratMaca is a root and is considered a vegetable. It ed, and some variations of the processed prodis shaped like a radish and grows in four varying uct have twice the concentration of nutrients. It colours, high up in the mountainous soil of the is found in powdery-crystal form, which must be Andes in Bolivia and Peru. Maca has been har- stored frozen until use, or in liquid form, which vested by Peruvians since the mid-15th century, also requires refrigeration. when it was consumed as a staple food. The root E3 Live is known to increase stamina and enitself can be eaten cooked or raw. After being im- durance, lift and balance mood, reduce stress, ported from the remote mountain villages where increase mental focus/concentration, balance it grows, it is found here in Canada in powder or blood-sugar levels, boost the immune system, gelatinous-pill form. restore overall biochemical balance, and help to Maca is made up of significant amounts of grow healthy nails and hair. amino acids, essential minerals, vitamins, and 60 What makes E3 Live unique amongst bluedifferent phytonutrients (nutrients from plants). It green and/or other algae powders is that is an adaptogen, meaning that, when consumed, the plant is in fact alive, as opposed to being it helps the body defend itself against illness by freeze-dried. supporting the endocrine gland. The endocrine Goji berries system is responsible for producing hormones Lycium barbarum necessary for essential bodily functions.

Maca is, therefore, extremely beneficial for Also known as wolfberries, these berries are fertility, sexual functions, and libido-related ac- small fruits similar to a cranberry and are related tivities; digestion; energy levels; and to your brain to tomatoes. They grow from trees in north-cenand nervous system. It induces elevated mood, tral and western China. Plantations can be found increases sex drive and general stamina, allows in the northern Chinese mountains, valleys and for better concentration, strengthens the im- plateaus. In traditional Chinese medicine, Goji mune system, and is hormone-balancing. berries are referred to as the “longevity fruit”.

Maca powder can be easily blended into a Not only are Goji berries rich in antioxidants, smoothie, added to salad dressings, or sprin- but they also contain 18 amino acids, 21 trace kled onto any food. It has an earthy, chalky minerals including zinc, iron, and calcium, a taste, and is thus tastier when mixed with other wide array of B-vitamins, and vitamin C. They flavourful foods. are also an excellent source of fatty acids, dietary fibres, and carotenoids, which are necessary for Cacao clear vision.

Theobroma cacao Goji berries additionally aid digestion and are The above Latin name is that of an evergreen great for improving bowel regularity, enhancing tree which grows in South America, one that the immune system, strengthening the heart and produces seeds known as cacao. Going back as liver, lessening fatigue, regulating blood-sugar, far as 1500 BC, the Olmec Indians of Mexico used keeping skin looking young, and supporting cacao to make chocolate, and grew the beans as a brain health. crop. The Mayans and Aztecs were also known to They are eaten dried or slightly dehydrated, a use cacao beans as currency. When dried, cacao handful a day being a good amount, and are easbeans can be crushed and powdered to make ily added to salads and granola, or eaten plain. chocolate and any cocoa-based good, or eaten Mangosteen raw as a whole bean.

Garcinia mangostana Though it is not technically a superfood, cacao is a powerful antioxidant, and of these it actually Mangosteens are fruits that grow throughout contains the highest concentration than any Southeast Asia, Central America, India and Ausother food. Cacao also contains alkaloids and tralia. They are small, no bigger than a tangerine, phytochemicals (chemicals from plants), one of and have a purple-coloured shell. Mangosteen which is Anandamine, an endorphin naturally fruit has been used as part of traditional mediproduced by the body after exercising. Ananda- cine in Southeast Asia for centuries, as well as the mine in plants is only found in cacao. leaves, stem, bark, and roots of the tree that the Raw cacao, as well as high cacao-concentrated fruit grows from. dark chocolate, therefore leads to a healthier carMangosteens contain 40 of the 200 known diovascular system, prevents osteoporosis and xanthones, which are powerful antioxidants and cancer, improves mental alertness, and has anti- immune-system boosters. They are a source of inflammatory and anti-viral properties. vitamin B1, B2, B6 and C, and contain important minerals such as calcium, iron, and potassium.

E3 Live They are also high in phytonutrients such as catAphanizomenon flos-aquae echins, polysaccharides, quinones, stilbenes, and E3 Live is a freshwater algae that has been wild- polyphenols, many of which are great sources harvested from a lake in Portland, Oregon, USA. of antioxidants.

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COMMUNITY HOUSING AN OPTION IN VANCOUVER And not just for hippies

your vote. “It's not always pragmatic; sometimes it's just a matter of [if] so-and-so can't be at the // Writer next meeting where we decide the next thing, e are living in a time where the cost they're just going to have to go along with it. If of life is rising. Tuition is up, food is you're living communally, you've gotta learn to up, and in Vancouver, housing is compromise quite a bit, because you can't be at most definitely up. There are those who can af- all places at all times,” explains Wauters. ford to live on their own, and there are those who More permanent choices, however, are always choose to live with roommates. Then, there are made by full group consensus, like the addition those who seek to create in their own homes a of new members – everyone's input is vital, and safe, almost familial environment; people who the end result is a group that works and lives have decided to expand outside the structure of well together. “roommates” and have changed their homes into miniature communities, with the intent of bringing people together and sharing resources.

Unlike a boarding house, where the intention is to get the most amount of people into a smaller space at a low cost, this is about establishing yourself within a household. The result is known as a communal house, a place where the private and public mesh easily. This article will explore some of the examples of this within our own city, and how they work.

By Shawn Irving

// Illustrations by Caitlyn Neufeld

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The Vancouver Collective Housing Network Whether organized through the Vancouver Collective Housing network, or evolved naturally through a group of acquaintances, communal houses are taking root in all corners of the city.

The Vancouver Collective Housing network (vancollectivehousenetwork.blogspot.com) exists to connect these fledgling homes with established houses, organizing quarterly gatherings and potlucks. It also provides support and resources for those wishing to start their own group homes through workshops and social gatherings.

Private space and communication

home is common space, with the kitchen, dining and recreational areas taking up the entirety of the second floor.

Unlike other houses, meals are dealt with on a more individual basis, and while group dinners do occur, they tend to be spontaneous. There is an understanding among the house members Division of Labour that work and school schedules may not always Chores are done based on who takes the initia- pair nicely. tive to do them. Everyone has a responsibility to “You're there, you notice the other guy's not keep the kitchen and common spaces clean, a eating, you can offer him say, bacon and eggs. necessity when you have multiple people in one Guy might say no,” explains Justin Garbasauskas. household. These are skills easily developed, ex- “Sometimes, you're just not hungry at the same plains Wauters. “You have to set your timing and time.” To the members of this house, the key to your pacing differently when you're living in a maintaining a healthy communal relationship communal house.” is respect – as long as there is respect, the time apart doesn't upset anyone.

Sustainability and waste-management Rules and agreements The skill-set this lifestyle encourages is not far beyond what one would hope any member of a household would have. Basics such as personal hygiene and respect for others lead naturally into traits like willingness to compromise for a better ecological result.

An example would be the gradual accumulation of clutter, which tends to be items queued for repairs. The household hopes that in reusing and repairing what it can, it can teach others that there need not be as much waste in the world.

Bikes are used instead of cars wherever possible, with one member of the household biking all the way to classes at Simon Fraser University. Plastic bags are washed, cans and bottles are recycled, and many things are composted.

The household also offers their composts to the neighbouring houses when they have grass clippings. The house has also decided on an aggressive recycling system, which includes always recycling and reusing plastic bags.

Within this mindset, the rules are simple: guests may come and go as they please, provided there is advance warning of their arrival. As well, everyone is responsible for keeping the kitchen clean in preparation for the next person.

“You can't just come into the kitchen, make a mess, then rush off. You always have to consider who's coming behind you. Do unto others what you'd have done unto you is the rule of the house,” explains Craig Hallgren, one of the tenants.

Chores are delegated through a rotating list, they recycle and save where they can, and food is dealt with on a semi-personal level, with each member selecting their own food, but expecting to share. The rules forbid starting or finishing another member's dishes, to prevent a planned meal from being disrupted, but beyond that, everyone is given free reign across the kitchen.

Paying bills “Right now Justin is signed onto the lease as the main guy,” explains Craig Hallgren.

“As far as rank goes, that's the easiest way,” says Justin Garbasauskas, “so people don't go nuts. A lot of people screw up a relationship by going 'you take care of the phone, I'll take care of cable…' Everything. One guy controls it, divides everything by three.”

Common values

THE LODGE Some readers may at this point be thinking communal living only an option for those of a certain ecological mindset. The reality is that anyone can start up a group home, provided they have people they can trust. The Lodge in Coquitlam is another example of a community house.

This is a mid-sized home in which space is divided between three tenants. The majority of the

There is one other important value at the Lodge: maintaining a relaxed atmosphere at home. The three tenants may not see each other much at home, but they make sure they are not forgotten about. “Even if that includes pranks. I replaced the white eggs Craig has in the fridge with brown eggs last night. You can't really put a price on the mental instability,” teases Justin Garbasuaskas.

Shared activities can be hectic and loud, ranging between prearranged softball games to a whiteknuckle race for a Mariokart track record.

For students and individuals alike, these can be more than just places to live. Through the focus on community, these homes also become places to socialize and network. Sharing of resources and space emphasizes that everyone is in it together, while at the same time easing the burden on each individual. Whether passing through or settling down, a communal home is a viable and welcoming alternative in these increasingly individualistic times.

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The house is naturally a group environment, but every member has their own private space. “You still have to maintain a certain amount of privacy and respect for people in the house,” explains Wauters,“so you've got to get good at communiTHE GRAVELEY HOUSE cating ... and saying exactly what you want at the moment that you need to say it. Don't hold it in, A prime example is the Graveley House, located try and avoid being passive-aggressive.” in a quiet section of East Vancouver. It stands out Gardens and chickens in the neighbourhood, sporting a vibrant garden that extends all the way to the front sidewalk. A portion of the cultivated property at the Six people live in this seemingly small house, a Graveley House has been turned over to a CSA number which can often seem like many more, (Community Supported Agriculture) called Freas guests are always coming and going. The ma- shroots. In exchange for the use of the land at the jority of the house has become what is essentially Graveley house, Freshroots provides gardening public space, and visitors from as far away as Po- knowledge and assistance to the household. In land were present during a short tour by Brennan the garden, one can expect to find tomatoes, Wauters, one of the founding members. House- pumpkins, potatoes, and kale, amongst many hold activities often take place, jam sessions are other organic vegetables. a common occurrence, and occasionally group The house was also encouraged to raise outings with temporary visitors are organized, chickens through an urban husbandry organisuch as bike rides or hiking. zation (dailyeggs.com). Their coop now houses four adult hens, which provide about a carton Making decisions of eggs every week. “They're really almost pets,” The current residents of the Graveley House were says Wauters. brought together by common values within the Sharing rent and food household, like living a low-carbon life, conservation of energy and reduction of waste. “In the The rent that each individual pays at the Gravprocess of choosing who you're going to live with, eley House is a flat rate that collectively pays the you choose people who you can trust,” explains rent and utilities, while leaving an overflow used Brennan Wauters. “We're all supporting each for food and other necessities. This is a distinct other to make the right decisions.” system within the communal-housing commuDecisions are made by means of group con- nity, where rent tends to be scaled to personal sensus through vote at prearranged meetings, income. Here, this does not appear to be an iswhere everyone is free to exercise veto power. sue, since the high density of occupants keeps That being said, it is not a necessity to always the rent low and the fridge healthily stocked. be present, provided you can accept the loss of Meals are shared, but not by any arrangement.

While there's no obligation to be at a shared meal, “it just organically erupts,” describes Wauters. “A single meal almost feels like a potluck every single day.” Most nights feature a vegetarian menu, as the population is a split between vegan, vegetarian, and omnivore.

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EDIT OR // Cl aire Vuil l amy // arts @ c api l ano c o uri e r. c o m

Bhangra.me? Bhangra.you?

Ha Ji! (Yes) Museum exhibit is co-ed, inter-racial, and incredibly Vancouver

By Claire McGillivray // Writer

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eople came up to me with tears in their eyes,” says Museum of Vancouver Guest Curator Naveen Girn, when asked about the community response at the ‘Bhangra.me’ opening night reception on May 4, 2011. ‘They wanted me to respect their story and they felt I had.”

The exhibit, which is “a space that reaffirms the positive story of the [South-Asian Vancouver] community,” is co-produced by the Museum of Vancouver (MOV) and the Vancouver International Bhangra Celebration Society (VICB). Cocurated by Curator of Contemporary Issues Viviane Gosselin, and Guest Curator Naveen Girn, the exhibit is open until Oct. 23.

As the first ever major exhibition on SouthAsian Canadian History, this marks a stepping stone for a continually evolving culture. The research style, which Girn calls “a very organic and fulfilling process,” was also something never before done. The grassroots research for the exhibition included over one hundred interviews with local members of the Vancouver bhangra community, who shared stories, photos and anecdotes on their own local bhangra history.

Girn also led three community consultations where, with the help of representatives from MOV and VICB, he spoke with bhangra dancers, singers, performers, lovers, DJ’s, musicians, and radio hosts to get their opinions. In regards to identity and authenticity, Girn asks, “What is authentic? What is unique about Vancouver’s

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bhangra scene?” The answers are overwhelming.

An initial walk through the exhibit almost immediately reveals a larger than life video tapestry of Vancouver bhangra dancers in the midst of self-expression, creativity, and celebration.

Following the enticing video presentation is a variety of highly stylized mixed-media segments.

Visuals include television sets from the 70s, 80s, 90s, and the 21st century, each broadcasting a different time period of Vancouver bhangra culture. The documented footage was comprised mostly of old CBC video clips, highlighting pertinent events in the Vancouver bhangra community timeline.

To match the energy of such a vibrant culture, the exhibit is designed as a fully interactive and participatory experience. Bhangra experts, lovers, and novices alike can try their hand at playing the harmonium, drumming the historic dhol drum, or even stumbling through the basics of bhangra dance style with any of the museum’s detailed how-to videos throughout the exhibit.

According to Girn, the exhibit has had great success in terms of education. Tour groups from elementary schools and high schools, as well as many university students, have seen the exhibit and left with very positive responses. The experience has had a particularly positive effect on children of South-Asian descent, something that Girn has been happy to see. “The kids see their faces reflected back from the wall of the museum, and it really is a very empowering feeling in the sense that your story is important, your history is important, and we want to share it with you.”

Vancouver’s interpretation and evolution of the historic style has had an overwhelmingly positive impact on the community as a whole.

With regards to how the exhibit addresses issues of gender politics and racism, Girn states, “Those themes really bring bhangra out of being a ‘brown’ thing, or an Indian thing, and brings [the art form] into things that can be related to.” The evolution of culture in Vancouver saw this historically Indian and masculine art form become something that could be shared and celebrated by individuals of varying sex, nationality, religions and identities.

The open-minded nature of Vancouver’s evolution wasn’t always met with positive thought, however. Reflecting on Vancouver’s first allfemale bhangra dance teams at SFU and UBC, Girn states, “These college students rise up in the early 1990s and they face some backlash due to the stigmas of dancing on stage ... but they have to move beyond these things and they do.” The traditional all-male dance brings up controversial issues of gender identity for many of these female dancers, such as the question of what it means to be physically or emotionally male or female, and who gets to take part in determining the future of bhangra.

The opening reception for the bhangra.me exhibit lined up perfectly this year with VIBC’s annual bhangra dance competition. The international attention added greatly to the positivity experienced by Girn and his team. “These [dance] teams that come from all over North America saw the exhibition for the first time, and got to learn [about Vancouver’s history], and they can take it back with them.”

“There have been some talks of having the exhibition tour to different cities,” says Girn.

However, due to cuts to arts funding, he says, the possibility of that happening is difficult to determine. He adds with a hopeful edge to his voice that “perhaps [the exhibit] can live on in other formats.”

Part of the innovative, mixed-media aspect of the exhibit is the smartphone app that MOV and VICB have created to let individuals “remap the city of Vancouver through a bhangra lens.”

They do this by allowing community members to upload photographs and stories of bhangra celebrations. The ‘map’ then becomes a continually evolving collection of memories, shared in an open and genuine manner among all who are interested.

As Nancy Noble, CEO of the Museum of Vancouver, stated in a speech at the opening reception that this “vibrant and living art form” was a part of the museum’s re-envisioning project that asked the community what they wanted to see at the museum of Vancouver. The response was decidedly bhangra, “because it is a unique and important Vancouver story.” This reasoning could suggest why the success of the exhibit has been so incredible.

The vibrant Bhangra.me exhibit continues running until October 23rd, 2011. For further information check out the exhibit webpage at http:// bhangra.me/ or the Museum of Vancouver Youtube channel at http://www.youtube.com/user/ // Kailey Patton MuseumofVancouver.

reviews in

BRIEF

LOW with BACHELORETTE – Thursday September 15 at THE RIO THEATRE // JJ Brewis Veteran Minnesota "slowcore" rockers Low took to the stage at one of Vancouver's cushiest venues, the Rio, last week. The band, armed with nearly a dozen records created in their seventeen year career, had a wide variety of material to pull from, for a packed house that barely made a peep aside from applause. It was great to see the local crowd so invested in an act's performance. From the first bars of their opening track "Nothing But Heart", vocalist Alan Sparhawk had the crowd in the palm of his hand. Clearly Low's fans relate well to the grounding and well-crafted lyrical content in their songs: the heartfelt, lovelorn material found within is both easily accessible while achieving a polished sophistication.

Yet Low deliver their impact in a careful formula: crunchy thick guitars, pretty and haunting harmonies with co-vocalist Mimi Parker, and somber compositions, including the closer "Violent Past," a simple yet powerful ode to abuse problems.

Opener Bachelorette, the one-woman Annabel Alpers from Christchurch, New Zealand, warmed the crowd with a more eclectic set of ambient and somewhat spacey synth-pop. Set up with two MacBooks and a looping pedal, Alpers sang with sharp force, but bantered in between songs with a shy and endearing nature, announcing sub genres for upcoming songs. It was hard not to smile when she said, in her quaint accent, "Who wants to hear some disco?"

Her Gospel-ready voice lent itself well to the electronic set, using sing-song narration to jar the blips of her tracks.

A r ts

The Red Gate in Red Tape Dim future for Downtown Eastside arts space

By Claire Vulliamy // Arts editor

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t’s not easy to run creative spaces in Vancouver. The term “no-fun city” has become ubiquitous after being popularized by a 2010 documentary of the same name that explored the life and death of Vancouver’s well-loved venues. Space is expensive, and if not, derelict. The rulebook is complicated and difficult to navigate, which means that cultural initiative is often pushed underground.

However, around the time that billions of dollars were being poured into the Vancouver Winter Olympics, there was hope that these complaints had finally been heard. In January of 2010, the Cultural Services department of the City of Vancouver teamed up with the Licensing and Inspections branch, Fire and Rescue, and the VPD, and put forth a report that suggested a move towards loosening Vancouver’s notorious restrictions on live performance venues. The idea, as stated by the document, was to address issues “in various civic bylaws and policies … [as well as] permits and license regulations that impact the creation and operation of live performance venues.” The content of the report was unanimously approved by City Council, and the West Ender ran a story with the headline “No-fun city no more?” While the creation of the document was a crucial step forward, its full implementation has yet to come.

In May of this year, an arts space and music venue, the Red Gate, was given a 30-day order to vacate. The Red Gate has existed in the historic Trocadero building at 252-156 West Hastings for several years, during which time it was the home to a variety of creative enterprises. It acted as a unique and popular music venue, provided affordable studio space, and was home to JC/DC studios, associated with acts such as the New Pornographers and The Evaporators. More importantly, a community formed and grew around the use of the space.

The May order to vacate came after a surprise

inspection in January, after which the primary organizer of the Red Gate, Jim Carrico, claims he was told to expect another, more major inspection within two weeks. “No such inspection took place,” says Carrico in a letter to Will Johnston, Chief Building Official with the city of Vancouver, from June. “If the points listed in the Order to Vacate were made known to us at that time, there is little doubt that most, if not all of these issues could have been dealt with by now [June].”

In July, after a flood of letters and petitions, the space was eventually granted a 60-day reprieve in order to address the issues listed in the order to vacate. These issues had mostly to do with fire safety, though minor structural damage and an illegal exterior staircase also came up. Carrico wrote a point-by-point reply to the city, with intent to explain that most of the statements had been exaggerated.

For example, one point was that “the smoke alarms have been covered with tape and plastic bags,” to which Carrico replied that “one of the smoke alarms on the third floor had been taped over with a plastic bag … and although we were unable to determine exactly who the idiot was, the tape and plastic were removed almost immediately.”

When Carrico began renting the space in 2004, the building had been previously boarded-up for five years. Over its long history, the Trocadero building had been used for various commercial and arts-related purposes. In 1998, an order to vacate left it empty.

“I’m not sure what was going on, but apparently some kind of really harsh biker scene had taken over the second floor and they weren’t paying [the owner] any rent and wouldn’t leave, so he got the building shut down,” said Carrico explaining that the power was shut off to prevent them from overstaying. The owner never got permission to reoccupy the building.

In December of 2007, the City of Vancouver discovered that the building was occupied.

The reaction at that time, Carrico says, was

one of surprise, even excitement. “They were actually kind of stoked, because at that time it was before the development [the Woodwards building] was happening across the street and it was really ‘crack-town’ down here.” He explains that in light of their environment, the illegal arts space seemed almost legitimate, and an improvement.

Carrico says that he began working with the former Chief Building Official, the late Ed Neufeld, and had made any necessary changes that had been brought to his attention. Current Chief Building Official Will Johnson explains why the law has now been laid down: “When you’re dealing with basic life safety in a building, the longer you allow those to go on, the higher the risk,” he says. “The people performing might have said that it was ok at the time, but … we’ve come to a point where we can’t allow those risks to continue.”

Johnson claims that the upgrades are still incomplete. “What we’ve said to the owner of the building and to the artists is that as long as we can ensure that the people using that building are safe, we will give them time to work though the process of dealing with the use.”

A letter from Gregor Robertson sent to petitioners highlighted the need for “basic safety renovations” but also made the ultimatum that in order to keep the building occupied, the owner must also commit to an “upgrade plan.”

It was a requirement revealed later that the owner submit full development plans to update the building to 2011 building code. This is another complication: as the building’s current official use is office space, the Red Gate needs to apply for a use change. Whenever a use change occurs, the building must be lifted to current standards.

“All the requested fire code work has been completed and inspected,” Carrico writes in a release on his website from August, calling out the “baitand-switch” tactics of the city.

The notice to vacate mentions grants available for such situations, as does the letter from Gregor Robertson. Carrico is well aware of these

resources “There’s a $50,000 grant that has been sitting in a bank account for two years [in order] to fund a building, which we don’t qualify for because don’t have a lease. We don’t qualify for the $150,000 infrastructure grant for the same reason.”

The owner doesn’t want to commit and give them a lease, and Carrico can see why. “[He] says, $200,000; that’s peanuts, and he’s right.” Carrico estimates that if the upgrades are made, it will cost upwards of $1 million, and that he will no longer be able to afford to rent the building. “For one thing, we’ll have to leave in order to rip the whole building apart, and when it’s done it’ll be three times as expensive.”

Carrico has run arts spaces in Vancouver of a similar nature for about 30 years, staying at each until the buildings would be “developed or torn down.” He says that now it’s harder than ever to find space, and that he’s lost momentum.

He has plans to occupy the Red Gate as long as possible.

“If there’s a buyer, then fine. We leave. [However], if the alternative is to have the building boarded up and empty, we’re just going to stay here,” Carrico says. Him and other members of the community will “maintain a 24hour per day creative vigil” until it becomes otherwise impossible.

In the Red Gate gallery, Carrico displays his painting that shows a group of people planted around and sitting on the scaffolding of a building, explaining that this is his vision for the community of artists that he oversees. He says that he wants to find a way to pull together everyone invested in the space and make the changes gradually, in a way that addresses the city’s concerns but also seeks creative solutions to difficult problems. In his opinion, “city planning is more like biology than engineering, [it shouldn’t be] about finite solutions.” As an independent, selffunded arts center, the Red Gate has flourished on its own two feet. Now it is at a crossroads: if it can find a way to survive, it will pave the way forward for many others to come.

Eric Hinch’s Sinner King Capilano grad brings his ‘artistic experiment’ to the Fringe

By Natalie Treavor // writer

what qualifications need to be fulfilled."

Eric was involved in theatre even in high school, where he took leadership with directorial roles as well as stage roles. After he graduated, he started his first theatre company, the Moon Shadow Players, in Guelph, Ontario.

After his time at Cap, Hinch had two shows that he attempted to take across Canada, which could have been successful if it weren’t for a van breakdown. During the day, he put on a children’s musical show called Lucky Dog Farm, and at night, he would perform an adult comedy, Secret of the Hashish Man. Hinch says being part of the Fringe Festival is an exciting experience because "you get a lot of exposure, one hundred percent of the box office sales, and the festival provides awesome workshops for artists to help us with our shows … You pay a small fee to participate, but you get a lot in return." Hinch says he will be part of the Fringe Festival for years to come because there aren't many venues for "artistic experiments" and the audiences know to expect the unexpected at the festival.

// Samantha Smith Keep your eyes open for his next show, Get Over It, a live improv comedy of a “not so helpful self-help seminar,” coming up on Oct. 9 at the Penthouse Nightclub. During this, Hinch will be selling his “not so helpful self-help” book, full of satirical dark humor. He says it’s “a lot of fun,” and plans to tour the show to a few more places in the city.

Visit Eric Hinch’s site and get more information at www.sinnerking.info

the capilano courier | vol. 45 issue 2

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hey’re at it again: the Vancouver International Fringe Festival is celebrating its 27th year of “Theatre for Everyone”.

Running Sept. 8 to the 18, and packed with over 600 performances by more than 80 groups, the Fringe Fest offers something for everyone. From a puppet show about a beauty pageant (Smile), to a solo exposé of the phone sex profession (Phone Whore), this year’s festival has no lack of interest.

This year, former Arts Administration and Management student, Eric Hinch, is participating as a "Bring Your Own Venue" artist, in which performers find their own spaces to perform. He is bringing his one-man show, The Sinner King, to the East Vancouver Cultural Centre. The play is written, produced, and acted by Hinch, and is "sort of a fairytale, just not for children.”

Hinch considers all his productions "artistic experiments" and in this play he draws from his experience as a veteran children’s performer. The

story centers around a shape-shifting woman who lives in a microwave, and Hinch tells the story as a character who falls in love with her, but fails her many tests. The story has coarse language, drugs, sex, violence, and a powerful performer – the perfect combination to attract a large Fringe audience.

Hinch says that the Capilano AAM program really helped him to produce theatre on a more professional level. He says that he produces fewer shows now, because the program taught him how to implement successful production strategies, instead of going into a show headfirst without knowing the outcome. Now, he says, he can launch a show and know what to expect regarding ticket sales, return on investment, and promotional strategies.

He recommends the program to artists who are reluctant to wear the "show business hat,” because the course outlines where certain responsibilities lie. Even if the artist doesn't want to participate in the business side of things, “at least they will know who to outsource to, and

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Arts

Sew Good

By Leanne Kriz // writer

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the capilano courier | vol. 45 issue 2

little strip of 15th Avenue, nestled in the crook of Kingsway and Fraser, is the home of the vibrant, locally owned shop that is Spool of Thread. This space caters to a variety of individuals with a variety of intentions: Halloween partiers frequent Spool of Thread around this time of year to create their own unique costumes; Harry Potter fans in need of cloaks for the opening of the Harry Potter Amusement Park have been known to pop in on their way to the airport. It is a place where sailboat covers have been fixed, surfers have created portable change rooms for the beach and many a favourite pair of jeans have been mended; a place where nervous novices have attempted sewing for the first time, and where customer after customer have experienced the birth of their sewing confidence.

The clean, cool space that has been there for just over a year feels like a welcoming hub of creativity. The hand-picked fabrics colourfully line the walls, waiting to be turned into masterpieces, and a clean display of sewing goods are tastefully displayed in the front of the store. The back of the all-in-one sewing lounge and retail space is where the workspace is located.

The idea of combining the retail and sewing area was to create an integrated and dynamic

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environment: “We wanted to create a social environment,” says Henry Sinha, co-owner of Spool of Thread. “We wanted to create a space where you could bring sewing into the public eye, sit with your friends, and just get outside of your house to work on a project.”

The beauty of the space is that it caters to individuals who may not have the space or equipment to sew at home. They do this by providing $8/hour drop-ins. These drop-in sessions run daily and are open to all individuals. As Sinha describes it, “The drop-in, to us, is a way to help shoulder that cost of equipment. We’ve outfitted our lounge with state of the art machines. They are domestic machines, but they are very user friendly, [and] they are something that someone can come in and [use in order to] quickly get up to speed.” They also outfit their store with large cutting tables, irons, dress forms, pins, mats for quilting, rotary cutters, chalk, and basically everything else you could possibly need.

For those who are feeling a little frightened by drop-ins, there are 6-8 person classes that are available. The Introduction to Sewing classes are single sessions that span three hours: enough to get beginners on their feet and feeling comfortable on the machines.

“We want people to realize that anyone can do this,” Sinha underlines. “You don’t necessarily have to go to a fashion school or be mentored by your mom who’s been a tailor for thirty

years. Anyone can come in here and learn, and it doesn’t matter how old you are or how young you are.”

The next upcoming class, called Ready! Set! Quilt!, will be starting at the end of September.

A little experience is required for this one, and it teaches you some basic quilting skills.

With sewing becoming more and more popular, Spool of Thread has thrived. Sewing is an art, an outlet for creativity, and a great opportunity to create a one of a kind clothing piece, accessory or whatever you can think of. Starting from scratch is one way to sew, while reworking and manipulating old clothes is another popular use of sewing. People are constantly becoming more eco-conscious, and students, as always, take joy in saving a buck. These are both great reasons for many people to take their favourite old shirt and give it a new life.

“I liken sewing to people creating clothing that they wear [as] their own personal art installation.

They are putting their soul and their effort into something and they are proudly displaying it for the public,” says Sinha. Everyone has a different style, but whatever it may be, remember that sewing is not something to be afraid of. Give it a go, and you may find yourself surprised.

Spool of Thread is located at 101-649 E. 15th Ave. You can check out their website, www.spoolofthread.com for more details.

// Chris Dedinsky

You can learn to do it!

Co l u m n s

ED I TO R S / / Samant ha Thompson + Sarah Vit et // e di to r@ c api l ano c o uri e r. c o m

World of violence

Suburb babies escape their sitters and riot

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his summer was a bloody mess. From politically motivated murders in Europe and the US, to collective acting-outs in London and (of course) here in Vancouver, the “civilized” Western world was brimming with violence.

When the Canucks lost the Stanley Cup playoffs early in the summer, downtown Vancouver erupted in a seemingly senseless orgy of destruction and barbarism, earning Vancouver degrading headlines worldwide.

Three months and a handful of inquiries later, do we actually understand the violence of June 15? According to the reports and reviews published in the aftermath, we do: too much alcohol and too many youth, crowded into too small an area.

However, just as it would be absurd for a homicide investigator to limit his work to the room in which the murder took place, it is equally absurd for these inquiries to not look beyond the immediate settings of the riot. By restricting their research to downtown, the investigators demonstrate a general unwillingness to locate the true reasons behind the violence.

Take the official independent report on the Vancouver riot, The Night the City Became a Stadium, co-written by former VANOC head, John Furlong. Reviewing how the riot occurred and why the police were incapable of defending downtown, one does not have to go further than the first page to read their most fascinating conclusion: “The question is not the

cause of the riot – troublemakers deliberately caused it –but the conditions that gave them the opportunity.”

Just imagine our incapable homicide investigator saying, “The question is not the cause of the murder …”

Perhaps the Furlong report was not the most appropriate venue to examine the riot’s real roots, but the question of “why?” is not to be seen in any other reports either. Taking this question for granted, each instead makes space for a technocratic discussion on how to better manage crowds.

How have they decided to prevent this happening again? According to the conclusions of the City of Vancouver’s Stanley Cup riot review, stronger measures restricting alcohol are needed during large events such as “clos[ing] or reduc[ing] hours of retail liquor stores,” disallowing “establishments from serving alcohol during a specific time at special events,” and “prohibiting open and closed alcohol on the transit system and in the public realm.”

They also want to work with Translink to assist in crowd management by off-loading passengers more widely downtown to prevent overcrowding and, if necessary, slowing down their system. Additionally, because the City’s efforts “to remove street furniture … to minimize the access to potential projectiles” were unsuccessful, “noncombustible waste cans” will be implemented in the future.

In these reports, the publishers examined

their own insecurities, identifying where they, the authorities, could improve upon for that next spurt of collective violence. Within this limited context, the only way forward is that of an increasingly more effective managerial state, carefully watching over its naturally violent citizens, who – if it weren’t for the benevolent authorities – would be on the verge of utter collapse.

Highlighting the possible extent of such measures, the VPD unimaginatively proposed that the City increase the usage of CCTV cameras throughout downtown and introduce “airport security-style” screenings at Skytrain stations during large events. Erecting new modes of surveillance and control appears to be the only serious recommendation.

It is not that these claims and recommendations have no basis; some do (though, most do not). Rather, there is an underlying presupposition contained in each of them that has remarkably gone unnoted: the people wanted to riot.

The Furlong report says that “troublemakers deliberately caused it,” but leaving this claim as it is overlooks the very conditions that compelled these “troublemakers” to commit acts of violence in the first place.

Describing the rioters as “troublemakers”, “thugs”, and “villains” as the Furlong report does may be appropriate, and punishing them isn’t unreasonable. However, this event clearly reflects on the society that produced the thousands of “troublemakers” who partici-

With Dexter Fergie // Columnist

pated, not to mention the many thousands more who happily watched from the sidelines, photographing the destruction. Could it really be that the formerly ranked “world’s most livable city” has a violent underbelly so easily disturbed as to expose itself over a sports loss?

Not unlike the riots that quaked England last month, the violence of Vancouver’s rioters conveys a message. Whether it was the consequence of a culture that still glorifies violence, a growing apathy amongst youth, or even the genuine boredom of suburban life (nearly 60% of those arrested during the riot live in the various suburbs of the Lower Mainland) that drove Vancouver to destruction on June 15 is unknown. The need exists to investigate it, however uncomfortable our findings may be.

If this discussion fails to occur, the consequences are predictable: more violence, followed by a public outcry demanding increased security. This unwillingness to discuss or comprehend violence might turn out to be the most violent course of action of all.

Dexter Fergie is a previous Cap student, now studying at UBC. His insights into current events and politics have been gracing the pages of the Courier for two years. In his column this term he is exploring the various forms that violence takes within our world.

sEx with Cheetah

Real talk

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// Lady of the night

So anyway, I don’t know about you, but there are few things I find worse than lying awake at night and thinking about all the things that are wrong with your sex life. Why hasn’t he called?

Does he not like me? Then why did he send me all those dick pics that time he was drunk?

I don’t think I even like him anyway. Don’t I deserve better than some dillweed sending me dick pics? And what’s with this rash? Am I going to be forever alone? And so on. I would go so far as to say that it’s not our depressing jobs, bills, and drinking issues that cause us the most frustration, but our romantic entanglements.

Even my friends in healthy relationships seem to do a lot of bitching. They usually finish it up with a nice, encouraging, “You’re so lucky you’re single! You don’t have any of these problems.”

Thanks, and if I were your significant other, I would have dumped your condescending ass long ago. But of course, I never say that. As Eccentric Yet Probably Sad Single Friend, it’s my job to offer witty yet calming advice, assuring people of how lucky they are to be swimming in the gene pool at all.

As long as we’re having sex, we’re going to be worrying about it. And that doesn’t make any sense because sex is supposed to be a universal de-stresser, isn’t it? But I digress. When all’s said and done, everyone needs a bitchy agony aunt in their lives to provide a bit of good-natured ridicule when your needy relationship B.S. starts polluting all the other, less hormonal, parts of

your life. And that’s what I’m here for. After all, you’re not really reading this for the advice, are you?

Now let’s get on to your fucking questions.

Why won’t my girlfriend let me put my finger in her ass?

—Shit Son I don’t know. Maybe you have gross nails. Maybe she’s saving her ass for marriage. Maybe she fears for the safety and comfort of her ass and knows that this is the beginning of a long slippery ass slope that eventually ends in Costco-sized butt plugs and felching. Or maybe she just doesn’t want your finger in her ass right now, you know?

You probably bring this up every time you have sex and it’s gotten to the point where it’s such a huge deal that neither of you can get over it. In all seriousness, it will probably be the downfall of your relationship. So I propose a win-win solution: you get to put your finger in her ass, and she gets to stick an object of her choice in your ass. It’s only fair.

I like a guy but I don’t really know what to do about it. He lives in another town and we only see each other occasionally through mutual friends, usually in a big group. I want to make a move but I just don’t see how it’s possible, because I’m shy and it just seems awkward.

—Afraid of Social Suicide

Yo A.S.S., you need to maintenance text that shit up! A maintenance text is when you text (or sext, if you’re feeling slutty) someone you may eventually, someday, maybe in the foreseeable future, engage in intercourse with. Because it’s so vague, it’s not embarrassing for anyone; if it backfires you can be like, “I only wanted to be Just Friends anyways.” But at least they know that you exist.

So if by some fluke you ever run into each other in an appropriate situation (i.e. alcohol is a factor), then you won’t be some creepy stranger trying to fuck with them. Still creepy, but not a stranger at least. And with the rise of Facebook and Twitter, it’s become even easier to pointlessly interact with people with the sole intention of jumping them one day in the unforeseen future.

Anyway, I’ve been maintenance sexting a whole harem for years, and I still strongly believe that one day it’ll pay off without ever having to put my crippling fear of rejection on the line. So you see, there’s no reason to ever get over your social awkwardness, because that wouldn’t be the real you. And nobody likes a faker!

Love, Cheetah Cheetah has worked on the graphics end of the Courier for nearly four years, but this is her first ever column. She will answer all your burning, itching, scabby sex questions, via text at 778-8596036 or by emailing cheetahpowers@gmail.com.

the capilano courier | vol. 45 issue 2

can’t believe that the Courier has a sex column again! Especially one written by me.

Not that I’m unqualified (I am), but after following JJ’s heartfelt dating memoirs and Sarah’s meticulously researched advice for the past few years, one would expect their local campus sex columnist to be a) a writer, and b) having sex. Sorry.

This is the part where you expect me to segue into a disclaimer that celibacy is a personal choice, brought on by disillusionment with the dating scene and social ennui – because it’s definitely not my smokin’ hot looks and debonair personality that are holding me back from pursuing healthy sexual relationships with others – but I won’t. In fact, the conversation went like this: “I definitely have something this time, doc.”

“Well, let’s take a look.”

“What do you think this is? It’s AIDS, isn’t it?”

“That’s a pimple. Actually, several pimples. I keep telling you to wear cotton underwear. Here’s some hydrocortisone cream.”

So I thought it would probably be a good time to take a break from stressing about sex and relationship drama in general, because stress is the number one cause of skin issues. Also, I just spent the summer sweating through a gruelling marathon of one-night-stands in Thailand, and I’m pooped. At least with masturbation only one person is ever disappointed. Jokes! Everyone knows that masturbation is always less disappointing than seeing another person naked.

With Cheetah Powers

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c o l u m ns StudentPolitik

A Love Letter to Student Politics “Student politics are so vicious precisely because which I’d gotten to know so well in the past three the stakes are so small.” years to venture into something far outside my comfort zone. tudent union politics is an alternately At the time, I was a wide-eyed recent high frustrating and rewarding beast. It has the school graduate, who had floated around lopower to leave you feeling incredibly em- cal social justice groups. These organizations powered, but, simultaneously, terribly jaded and were full of passionate, dedicated activists who disenfranchised. The above quote, commonly at- had been advocating for social justice issues for tributed to Henry Kissinger (though it’s author- years or decades. Therefore, for me it was a bit ship is debated), speaks to what is often the ex- like jumping in the deep end of a swimming pool perience of those involved in student politics. It is while still learning to do the starfish. I still had to the first brush with power that those enterprising learn my political ABCs, and these organizations individuals have; and, though in real terms the often weren’t built to provide ‘learning experiencstakes are actually quite small (as Kissinger so es’ – it slowed them down, at least in the short aptly pointed out), they feel huge precisely be- term. It was in the student politics world that I cut cause many in those positions have never had my political teeth, with the help of student union the opportunity to wield such power before. staff, and more experienced board members Student union budgets stem from a manda- who are accustomed to helping rookie student tory levy issued on every student attending that politicians learn the ropes every year. post-secondary institution, and result in a budget Unlike the social justice groups that I was that can be anywhere from a few hundred thou- involved with, student unions are highly malsand (the CSU’s annual budget is about a half leable organizations, as broad-based mandatomillion dollars), to millions of dollars at larger in- ry-membership organizations should be, and stitutions. How often does the average person (let this makes them fantastic learning tools. While alone the average 18-year-old first-year student) many of them have a leftist orientation, as many get to have this kind of decision-making power of my previous experiences had had as well, this that potentially affects thousands of people? isn’t inherently the case. Their malleability allows My personal experience with student union elected politicians, and the students who are inpolitics has largely been a positive one. With volved in the student union, to use the considsome sadness, I recently retired from my long- erable resources of the organization to pursue standing position at the CSU. Three years isn’t whatever interests them. One of my favourite a long time for most people to stay in a job, but parts was the debate – if you were effective at in student union terms, I was certainly getting making your point, it could change the direction to be a dinosaur and was close to becoming of the organization, and so what you said had burnt out. serious consequences.

When the enticing opportunity to write for the One of the greatest things about being inCapilano Courier came up, it became apparent volved in the student union is that a student is that my political career had run its course, and able to do the type of high-level work and given that I needed a new venue to grow myself in dif- the type of responsibility that would take years ferent ways. With some trepidation, I quit the job to get to in an organization after graduation.

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Over several years, the accomplishments that I have had cover a broad range of areas, including negotiating contracts with various levels of government (including the new U-Pass contract, which affects hundreds of thousands of students across BC); negotiating with the University and with other organizations; taking a construction project from start to finish; organizing public rallies; and planning and participating in local and national campaigns advocating for students, among many other things. The skills and experience I gained are immeasurable, and on a tangible level, very transferable to future employment.

So, here is Studentpolitik, a bi-weekly column in which I’ll be bringing you the latest and greatest dirty laundry in the wacky world of Student Politics. This will primarily include commentary on the Capilano Students’ Union (CSU), the Canadian Federation of Students (CFS), and the affairs of the Capilano University administration, though other student-focused organizations have plenty of dirty laundry that may be of interest as well (looking at you, Kwantlen Students’ Association!). I spent many years navigating the ins and outs of the world of student politics, including serving three years as the Students of Colour Liaison on the CSU board, and for one of those three as the Chairperson. I also served on the board of the Canadian Federation of Students B.C., as the representative for the CSU. As such, I will be bringing you commentary with an insider’s perspective.

Student politics certainly has its ups and downs. The greatest thing that I take with me, though, is the people that I met, and my interactions with them. Admittedly, for many of these people (including myself), student politics is partly an exercise in vanity. The rush of recognition that you get for doing something that ben-

With Gurpreet Kambo // News Editor

efits students, or the headiness of hitting the ground and convincing students to vote for you are quite amazing. Much to my chagrin, I am now the person writing about those doing these things, not the person being written about.

As you may notice from the occasional scandals that appear in the news, there are some people involved in student politics who may not have the best of methods or intentions (after all, it is politics, through and through), the vast majority of people that I met are extraordinarily passionate and dedicated people who have done incredible things to advocate for the rights of students. I haven’t always agreed with the methods or specific goals of the people I’ve met, or the organizations that I’ve found myself involved in; however, there is no doubt that these people give a shit about you, and that they accept long hours and low pay to advocate for people who they don’t know.

The student movement has achieved some great things, from having a hand in stopping the Vietnam War, to taking a front-line stand in the fight for women’s equality, civil rights and gay rights, and to continually advocating for lower tuition fees and greater accessibility for all students. Students have the power to create change, and have successfully done so. And that is why you should care about the world of student politics.

Gurpreet Kambo has been involved in student politics for the last three years. Having made the switch to student journalism, he will now dazzle us with the highest level of student politics' knowledge known to man. He also is something of a pizza connoisseur and can tell you where the best pizza by the slice place is in every city in the Lower Mainland.

RECORDS, RAIN AND RECREATION

the capilano courier | vol. 45 issue 2

The dusty corners of Vancouver music

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// JJ Brewis come from humble beginnings: seeing a torn black-and-white photocopied poster for an all-ages punk show being held in the local community centre, my teenaged self stared in wonder at what would soon become a life-long passion.

I have always been a fan of music, but like most people raised on their parents’ collection of dubbed tapes and dusty records, my knowledge of anything outside of The Beatles’ White Album

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and Creedence’s Clear Water Revival was nonexistent until I purchased my first Sony Walkman in grade school. Albums that now make me shiver in repulsion nearly deafened me on the playground of my elementary school, but not until my fourteenth year did it become a lifestyle as well. And it all began with a poster.

Some touring punk acts took the stage as I huddled in a corner, not knowing what to expect or how to act. Although quite the amateur, I learned quickly what was accepted in a small town all-ages scene. Drinking was frowned upon, but circle pits while smoking cigarettes were encouraged.

After that first night, live music consumed my life. Every weekend, my small group of friends would hitch rides with our parents to whichever Legion or community hall was hosting that night’s show. With all that came my love for underground bands, the stuff that felt like only I had heard, as though the burned CD in my hand that I bought at the merch booth was made just for me.

The obvious progression was for me to try and host my own night of music. Having complete control over who played and how much money was charged was, of course, a rush, but nothing could compare to throwing caution to the wind and letting go of everything, bodies crashing into

each other like armies struggling to hold their own ground.

Many of the touring bands I saw included some of Vancouver’s best: The Doers, You Say Party We Say Die, and Fun 100 absolutely floored me whenever they blessed our town with their presence. My uneducated view of the Vancouver scene was that of a strong, tight-knit community with more talented bands then I could care to imagine. So, when it was finally my time to move on with my life, the big city seemed like an obvious choice for me.

To take my aspiring music career across the Georgia Straight didn’t seem like much of decision until I landed, starry eyed and fresh, with my guitar in hand and the wonders of the city stretched out before me. Things didn’t happen quite as easily as I had expected: there were the bigger names I had expected to see, acts playing at larger venues like The Biltmore and Vogue Theatre. But where were the crammed basements and dirty warehouse spaces I so pined for? This seemed like a secret I had to extract from someone ‘in the know’.

As intimate and inclusive as the scene seemed to be, it was also very inviting. Before long, I seemed to have met the right people, and everything opened up before me. It didn’t matter how

With Colin Spensley // Columnist

new and uneducated I was: as corny as it sounds, it truly was about the music. So for the past three years, this is where I have been: standing in the crowded basement, smoking on the curb, and realizing there is nowhere else I would rather be.

The Vancouver music scene is a vibrant one, yet all corners of it are not provided with the exposure that they deserve. From the three day music festival, to the scuzzy Eastside dive bar, I will drink it all down in stride and what comes back up is for everyone to read and judge as they will.

From the dusty warehouse, to the shimmering light shows of a Commodore rock odyssey, all my dreams came true. Places where you can be who you want to be, do what you want to do, and see what you want to see. Everything comes alive inside of you when the only thing you care about is the stage in front of you and the sounds exploding around you.

Colin is a music journalist who is, put simply, Tom Wolfe without all the acid. His favourite movies include Uncle Buck, The Room, and Dick Tracey.

After spending a summer in an isolated mountain valley he feels like getting back in touch with reality through writing. He has a large collection of records, paperbacks and keychains.

Opi n i o n s

Edi tor // Marco Ferreira // o pi ni o ns @ c api l ano c o uri e r. c o m

PLAYGROUND POLITICS BC Liberals need to sort out their priorities

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velopment of socially educated children. At best, they have the potential to teach co-operation, tolerance, positive social bonding, and, most importantly, they can create a link between physical activity and fun.

In Canada, upwards of 25% of children aged 2-17 are considered overweight or obese. This is a substantial problem that has the tendency to be overlooked. Overweight children suffer from physical ailments, as well as a multitude of social problems throughout elementary school and into their adult lives. If playgrounds can play a role in preventing a further rise in obesity rates,

// Arin Ringwald

libraries, and learning assistance time, a group called Save Our Schools was created to voice // Staff Writer distaste with the government’s actions. Even hristy Clark just loves kids, and to prove with a petition that amassed 14,000 signatures it, the BC Liberals have decided to sink in support of full provincial funding for public eight million dollars into creating a gi- education, Clark waved them off and disregardant band-aid that will stretch over and conceal ed them. Our premier only seems to care about the 41,000 elementary school teachers currently schools when it’s a nice opportunity for a photo on strike. op, and is extremely frugal and uncaring when it As young students were packing lunches comes to the important issues. and choosing outfits for their first day of school, Granted, the teacher’s union’s demands are their teachers were filing 72 hour strike notices hefty, and many argue that teachers have a defor September 6. They’re still teaching, but have cent collective agreement as it is. The average abandoned administrative duties such as creating report cards, showing up for meetings, conducting parent teacher interviews, and supervising playgrounds.

In lieu of this new dispute, the Liberals created an action plan to install 44 playgrounds and upgrade over 100 playgrounds across the province over the next two years, at a cost of eight million dollars. However, unless the government and the teachers can resolve their issues and end the strike, there will be no one to supervise the new playgrounds.

Susan Lambert, president of the BC Teachers Federation, stated, "If the premier is serious about her families-first agenda, she'll send her bargaining team to the table with a new mandate." The government insists the funding simply isn’t there to bargain with the Federation. When it comes to playgrounds, though, eight million dollars was just lying around, waiting to be spent.

Somewhat ironically, both the BC Liberal par- teacher salary for BC teachers in 2011 is $73,972. ty and Christy Clark as Education Minister have They’re asking for a 22% increase in wages, 26 histories tarnished with massive cuts to public weeks of paid leave to attend to sick friends or schools. Ten years ago, while Clark was serving relatives, banked sick days, and a year’s pay postas minister, wooden playgrounds were deemed retirement. Satisfying the demands of the BC unsafe and removed, and there was no funding Teachers Federation would cost over $2 billion. given to immediately replace them. Now, a de- Compared to this figure, $8 million is pocket cade later, she’s seizing the opportunity to hero- change for the government. Obviously, when ically fund the construction of new playgrounds faced with the option of satisfying teacher deat these sites. mands or creating a feel-good playground legacy, Back in the 2002/2003 school year, when cuts price and public approval dictate an easy choice. were made to special education support, school Playgrounds are an important factor in the deBy Evelyn Cranston

then governments should, in the interest of mitigating a worsening public health issue, absolutely fund their construction and upgrading.

However steep the Teachers Union’s initial demands may seem, and however effective playgrounds are in childhood development, it still stands that the government is making a drastic mistake in ignoring and downplaying the strike.

Playgrounds can aid in creating an active lifestyle foundation, but passionate, committed and invested teachers are the vital players. Playgrounds may teach social skills, but without supervision,

they can be jungles of malicious, vitriolic insults and relentless bullying. Phys Ed classes taught by devoted teachers are more likely to be inclusive and open up the range of physical activities a student can try.

Teachers do have considerable benefits, and it’s true that they’re asking for more. However, their demands must be lofty as a normal beginning stage of the bargaining process; the union is fully prepared to accept less than originally demanded. It’s up to the Liberals to respond to the so-far lopsided bargaining conversation.

Teachers have one of the most critically important jobs, guiding children to become informed citizens and confident leaders. Their jobs are undeniably difficult, stressful and all-encompassing. Funding cuts have left schools with huge class sizes and few teaching supplies. Oneon-one help for struggling students has been cut back and added to the pile of responsibilities teachers already have.

Schools deserve playgrounds, and teachers deserve all the benefits they can receive. Without educated youth, society only grows more violent and oppressive, and meaningful development comes to a standstill. Education is the backbone of a healthy, progressive society, and teachers are essential. Children, parents, and teachers all deserve more than an $8 million marketing gimmick.

Christy Clark’s playground project is an insulting attempt to placate parents, who are obviously unhappy with the strike, while simultaneously promoting her “Families First” image.

The opposition party won’t let the relationship between the strike and the project go unnoticed, but parents may be sympathetic if they have this improved image of the Liberal party in mind.

The monetary figures are lopsided in favour of the Liberal’s plan, and this facade will, in the face of general ignorance, go over as an honest and meaningful development.

Schools, teachers, and playgrounds all cost money, but considering the benefits that an active, healthy and intelligent population brings to society, it’s more than worth it.

Selling a crude proposal Proposed Keystone XL crude oil pipeline plugged with problems // The Argosy (Mount Allison University)

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ACKVILLE, N.B. (CUP)—As any self-respecting plumber will tell you, pipes are complicated.

There’s hardly a pipe in the world that is currently as plugged up with problems as TransCanada’s Keystone XL: a 36-inch wide, 2,700km long, $7-billion pipeline project that, if built, would span Alberta to Texas, eventually taking heavy bitumen crude oil from the Canadian tar sands to the refining heartland of the American Gulf Coast.

TransCanada’s Keystone pipeline system went operational last year by converting an old natural gas pipeline to carry crude oil. This second pipeline, the XL, would double the capacity of the Keystone system to 1.1 million barrels of crude each day.

It’s hardly the first oil pipeline in North America. In fact, pipelines are generally one of the safer means of moving oil from one location to another. Still, the pipeline has been slammed with a myriad of environmental complaints.

First, there is the possibility of leaks, possibly into significant water resources such as the Yellowstone River or the Ogallala Aquifer in the American Midwest. Second, there’s the source of the oil itself: the Canadian tar sands, which are mined, rather than pumped, and widely considered one of the more environmentally destructive sources of oil, globally. And finally, there’s the statement it makes about America’s continuing commitment to petroleum, rather than climatefriendly alternatives.

There are other concerns, too: because there is already significant pipeline infrastructure between Canada and the U.S., the Keystone may run at less than full capacity; local communities

may not receive fair remuneration (granted, it’s a vague complaint, but often true); and on our side of the border, some believe this project provides little benefit to Canada – only the possibility of a few more tar sands jobs.

But there are arguments for it: pipeline leaks are usually small and unlikely to cause excessive ecological damage, at least compared with tanker accidents such as the Exxon Valdez. There are an estimated 13,000 jobs available for Americans should the project proceed: an attractive proposition when the unemployment rate hovers close to 10 per cent. It also increases the Canadian percentage of America’s oil imports, easing America’s dependence on undemocratic nations that have less-than-stellar human rights and environmental records. Additionally, this particular project may have very little impact on greenhouse gas emissions: TransCanada has argued that the tar sands oil will be mined either way and shipped

other places (read: China) if not to the U.S. The pipeline has cleared most regulatory hurdles but isn’t out of the woods yet due to the conflicting goals of the American government. The U.S. Department of State and President Obama now face the dilemma of deciding whether the pipeline is in the national interest. Approval would create “shovel-ready” American jobs, but would alienate Obama’s supporters in the environmental lobby and undermine his commitment to clean energy. Is Obama against jobs for Americans? Or does Obama hate the Earth? At a time like this, it’s difficult to envy the president.

A final decision is expected by late November, and approval now appears to be likely, as the pipeline has passed a State Department environmental assessment. It seems that in the face of massive economic and geopolitical realities, the goal of making America a clean energy superstar is, for now, a pipe dream.

the capilano courier | vol. 45 issue 2

By Martin Wightman

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opinions

U-PASS FAIL Capilano left students without a ride home

By Julia Barros // Writer

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dent in the Lower Mainland. It allows students from outside the walkable North Vancouver area to get to Capilano for class, bus to work, and then bus home again, for a price that doesn't leave one with the decision of whether to pick school or food for the week.

For example, a two-zone transfer costs $3.75 each way and expires after only an hour and a half, which is not enough time to attend any class.

This makes a daily trip to North Van worth upwards of $7.50.

One new student, Nora Waters*, is making an astonishing commute. She lives and works in Gibsons, but due to an over-populated Sechelt Campus, she must attend all her classes in North Vancouver.

With a car, the commute from Gibsons to Capilano in the morning takes an hour and 42 minutes, which includes a ferry trip. Without a car, which is the case for Waters, it's two and a half hours or more. With her living on the coast and going to school in North Van, it was a serious inconvenience to have the delay in getting her Cap Card and U-Pass.

ometimes being a student at Cap is the pits.

We’ve all experienced the long cashier lineups and the overbooked advisors, but this term an even more glaring error was made on the part of the University administration: the changes to the U-Pass this year involved every student being re-issued a new Cap Card, and for some reason, it was decided that they wouldn’t be handed out until the very last day of the month.

If you take the bus, you may have felt anger and frustration while waiting in line at the Cap Card centre on August 31, and with reason. The line started more than an hour before the centre opened, and was cut off more than two and a half hours before they closed, with the line going all the way up the stairs and onto the sidewalk outside.

The U-Pass, if you aren't familiar, is a transit pass that charges students $30 (up-front, in a lump-sum through their student fees) for access to transit service including the bus, SeaBus, and skytrain services within Metro Vancouver, as well as discounts on the West Coast Express.

The U-Pass is essential for any Capilano stu- * Names have been changed

“I have to go back to work in Gibsons, so I can't even wait in line, because it's over an hour and a half [long],” she explains. “I have to pay to take the bus home..

I have to bus back tomorrow really early to go to class and try to pick up my card again before that,” says Waters, exasperated.

This is the new system that was supposed to make things more convenient for students. The issue, however, is not with the U-Pass. On the contrary, the U-Pass vending machines in the Library and Birch buildings had no long lines at all, as the swipe system dispensed the pass very quickly. It was the organization and distribution of the new student cards that made the whole thing a catastrophe. The University already had the computers, printers, cameras and the trained staff, so why did it take so long before the Cap Cards could be issued?

Would it have been so difficult to offer an earlier date for students to have their cards taken care of? The only help that was offered was for

returning students, who could wait in a shorter lineup and get their card printed with their old picture, although it was not officially announced that this was an option. Many returning students were turned away at the end of the line and left without knowing. Many others waited for hours when they would have been happy to take the shorter option.

This information could have been sent out far earlier than the last day of August. Students could have ordered cards with their pictures from the year prior if desired, and those IDs could have been handed out at a separate location from the Cap Card centre, where the priority should have been the new students. This would have, at the very least, aided in the wait time for new students to the school who needed to have pictures taken, as well as smooth the process for returning students.

Even if there was a solid reason that it had to happen right on the last day of the month, it could have been planned and handled in a much more effective manner.

Tired of ‘Outrageous’ Hollywood Fashion?

You aren't alone! trying to take it back to “the basics” where each of her looks was a motif for something more. // Art Director When she first began, early looks were “inspired” hen Lady Gaga burst onto the music by the singer’s idols, or aimed to represent somescene in 2008 with a Davie Bowie- thing, like the early “drag” outfit she wore of a suit inspired lightning bolt on her face, it was novel. When she wore a dress made of animal flesh to an awards ceremony last year, it was evident that pop culture had a whole other issue on its hands. Musician Frank Zappa has said, “No change in musical style will survive unless it is accompanied by a change in clothing style. Rock is to dress up to.” While it is clear that each major mainstream artist has arrived with a gimmick – from Madonna’s cone bra to Avril Lavigne’s necktie – Gaga is the first of a group of trendsetters to take the bar to a new, and now obnoxious, level.

This year’s MTV Video Music Awards were a good example of copycat fashionistas doing their best to bring wacky fashion to a new level. But, rather than have their look mean something, or be a motif in the face of regular fashion, it’s like anything else when overdone: everyone looks like a mess, blending together and bringing the trend to an obnoxious level.

Most of this year’s heavy hitters arrived in, and subsequently changed into, multiple far-out, “crazy” styles that were bait for fashion blogs and water cooler discussions the following day. From Katy Perry’s “cheese head” cube hat, to Kreayshawn’s “Ghetto meets Sesame Street” ensemble, everyone looked a shameful mess. The icing on the cake was likely Nicki Minaj, who looked like she had rolled through a stuffed animal factory covered in super-glue. And then there was the the one who started it all: Lady Gaga, simple yet complex, as “Jo Calderone”, a male drag character: an Italian greaser in slicked back black hair and a suit.

Perhaps Gaga is overwhelmed by the trend she has unleashed on her own industry, and is

By JJ Brewis

the capilano courier | vol. 45 issue 2

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and tie with suspenders to an early gay rights rally two years ago; or the performance in which she “bled to death” to signify the effects of “Paparazzi”.

But over the years, Gaga herself has gotten a bit out of her own line of intent, often covered in

// Author illustration

seemingly random and ridiculous disguises.

In a way, her own Jo Calderone character is an understated yet streamlined effort, which partially stands for telling the others, “You’re doing it wrong.”

The public has, in a way, demanded these wild characters, and that their fashion-biting go to the level that it has. People simply don’t have the attention spans they used to, particularly regarding pop culture and its occupants. The media chews up and spits people out faster than ever, which is probably the reason that Lady Gaga has been forced to ‘reinvent herself’ dozens of times, despite only just entering her fourth year in the public eye. There is simply no way of taking it slow and steady anymore without risking being left behind or considered passe. No matter what one’s talents are, they are now a pawn in a ridiculous game where pop stars are essentially forced to register themselves in a competition of out-doing the rest.

Take Rihanna, a vocally gifted, and successful young performer. Before Gaga, she had half a dozen number one hits under her belt, and maintained a fan base given her catchy tunes alone.

But in recent years (or shall I say, post-Gaga), Rihanna has joined the ranks of her peers, with “artistic” video teasers, outer space-inspired fashion, and clown-style hair.

The thing about this trend is that it’s gone on far longer, and become more outrageous, than previous fashion/music collaborations. Nineties and grunge was but a blip compared to the ongoing spectacle that is the entertainment world right now. But, like everything in the public eye, this kooky look will have to be surpassed by a new one, a day that many of us await with bated breath; anything in excess that goes on too long becomes tired and boring. When someone wears a suit made entirely of sparkled fruits and vegetables and it doesn’t even come off as daring, then it’s time to move on.

Caboose F e at u r e d F i c t i o n

With Sarah vitet

STolen bell

By Sara McNeilly // Writer

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Edi tor // KEvin Murray // c abo o s e . c apc o uri e r@ gmai l . c o m

whiskey from his mouth. His step-father’s hand grasped Daniel by the stain on his shirt and wrenched him tight against his swollen chest a seething beast. Liquor-spittle flecked drying bits of last night’s dinner on him. ✦ “So you were close with your father, Allison?”

Huff exhalation, frustration named.

“Of course. After Mom died he’s all I have” “What was your mother like?”

“I don’t remember.” ✦ "I miss my mommy."

Wide eyes stare.

She is the same so very much the same as he remembered. Her smile toothy and young, clean and true. How it was before Jer. Before she left.

This smile would never leave him again.

"Your mother was beautiful. I miss her very much."

“Everything she never had my sweet darling ‘Bel.” His thoughts as hope soared with the rise of her hand, warm and small in his own, her child’s voice warning him to the dangers of crossing blind. Conversation dropped, hand held loose, fingers picked up.

"When can I see her?"

Steaming plate in front of her discussion dissolved into unwanted. Small fingers push a teaspoon through rice rivers and vegetable hills.

"She’s gone sweet ‘Bel. Drink your juice."

"Yes, Danny."

"Daddy, Annabel. My name is Daddy."

The Hot Chart New Twilight movie Pro-life Mormon agendas are soo edgy and hot Fall Fashion Break out your burnt orange everything Kate Middleton isn't actually pregnant Just fat New American Apparel sizes I can't wait for the inevitable plus-sized cameltoe

The Cool Chart Vancouver Aquarium beluga dies after an overnight break-in, but the two aren't related.

Eight Amish men arrested for refusing to put an orange triangle on the back of their buggies because it was too gaudy. The Kentucky police have already arrested all the regular criminals in the whole state.

Dinosaur feathers discovered in Canadian amber, except we all know the Dinosaurs were just planted on earth by the Devil to test our Faith.

the capilano courier | vol. 45 issue 2

lick reverse click record The obsolete machine on the cold table in front of her writes her words on a winding squeaky tape.

"Please state your name and age for the record."

"Annabel Grace Morrison, 23."

Above her head a voice crackles and rasps: "A little louder, please. We didn't catch that."

Repeat, barely above a whisper. Her reflected face shakes. Part of a person slides to the floor on the other side. Wet squeegee sound dampened by the thick glass.

“No need to be alarmed, Allison, they’re just concerned about you on that side.”

He intends to be soothing but does little but remind her that he is anyone but a friend. His voice prickles her skin and wrinkles her spine.

Shivering, she hugs her chest. She looks past him to the door beside the barrier between her and the other side.

I wonder: “Who’s Allison?” ✦ “They’ll try to take you from me one day, my sweet ‘Bel.” “You look sad, Daddy. Didja fall and scrape your knee? I can kiss it and make it better like you do. Look, Daddy, it doesn’t hurt anymore.”

“No, little ‘Bel, I’m not hurt. Come, a hug will make it better.” ✦ “Where are you from? Please, loudly for the tape” “Ocean Falls.”

“That’s quite a ways north from here. Have you always lived there, Allison?”

“Anna. We moved when I was 8.”

“Do you remember where you were before?”

“No.” ✦ “I don’t like it here. Can we go home now? I want to go home.”

Eat, he says.

She falls asleep. ✦ She can’t hear anything on the other side of the glass; they’re still there still watching hoping expecting waiting praying...

“Are you expecting me to change my answers?

My name is still Annabel Grace Morrison. That isn’t going to change because you ask me three more times. When can I go home?”

“It won’t take much longer. Does it bother you when I call you Allison?”

“Would it bother you if I called you Allison?”

He laughs and an inane comment about calling him Doctor Bradley barely registers. Stares at herself over his shoulder.

"I don’t even look like an Allison." ✦ “I got almost all the questions right, daddy. I forgot Oslo, Stockholm, Bern and Amst...”

“Go to your room” “Why are you so...”

“Go.” It was only a little wrong. ✦ “Were you a happy child?”

“Were you?”

“Yes. Were you a happy child?”

“I suppose.”

“Did you know your mother?”

“She died. I was very young.”

“Where is your father now?”

“Ocean Falls. Can I leave?”

“We’re just talking here, Allison.”

“Stop calling me that. I hope you find this Allison person because I don’t know why I’m even here. Can I go now?”

“Just a few more questions.” ✦ “We’re going to live here now, Annabel.”

“You’re funny, mister. That’s not my name!”

“Yes it is. Now eat this and go to sleep.”

“Then can I go home to mommy?” ✦ “Those aren’t me. I’ve never been to Surrey.”

“Look more closely, they sure look like you.”

The school photos scatter across the table and she looks over his shoulder at my reflection.

He’s balding. Maybe mid-forties but she can't be sure, having never been good at guessing a man’s age. They look like her. She looks like her. Allison MacKenzie in Ms Bleburger’s kindergarten class stares up at Annabel Grace Morrison.

Her eyes slip focus like a lens in a film; out on her reflection, in on her toothy smile.

“He can’t hurt you here. You’re safe now.”

“I’ve always been safe.”

“What is your father’s name?”

“Daniel James Morrison.” ✦ Jagged, tearing through the surface. A river stretches across the otherwise smooth landscape. Empty and open, marked only by this slice of river running parallel, a drop off what might be the end of the earth, connecting a thatch of thick brush to the gaping hollow of a gorge in the south. Man-made with metal tools that cut into the otherwise flawless plane. Pieces removed — erosive, corrosive, damaged.

Marred, the memory stays on his face. An ugly transcendence from anger to action; a lesson on coveting realized across the length of his left cheek. Assurance, his step-father’s voice, clear as the ridge of the disfigurement he left behind; “You’ll never take from me again.

A mutter. A whisper. Unfocussed eyes.

“Sorry? I didn’t catch that.”

“Hmm? Oh, double-double. Is medium the smallest size that can win the car?”

A dirty shard of fingernail follows a slow scratch south along the dead-nerve tissue towards open chapped lips.

“Don’t need a new car but I’ll settle for a free coffee.”

A false laugh. A false smile. Next in line, please. ✦ His mother’s sentiment, lacking concern. The simple phrase that slipped easily from her lips on a bitter exhalation of whiskey and nicotine.

Chicks dig scars. Her words condone and exonerate. Daniel was 12 years old weeks later when the knife traced its path a second time, cutting the threads that kept him whole.

Half empty bottles rattled his childhood, sloshed around the edge of acceptability. Young lips tight around the open mouth, practiced tip sputtered free amber, slipped past teeth tongue tonsils. Shudder down another shot. Bottle torn from suckling mouth pursed at its opening.

Stinging liquid trickles down his chin, heavy ring collided with his right jaw knocking wind and

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Caboose

the capilano courier | vol. 45 issue 2

Barnyard love

20

Monkey Kevin Murray

Puppy Lindsay Flynn

Gerbil Kevin Murray

Goat Samantha Thompson

Cute, mischievous, and innovative, these little poop-tossers are our closest relatives in the animal world. Their lives bear remarkable similarities to ours. For example, they have complex cultures, social cliques, and they even use tools.

They also gibber and cavort all day long while masturbating incessantly. Now doesn’t that sound like most of your friends? They also have awesome tails. I have always wanted a tail, preferably a fancy prehensile one like monkey. This radical appendage, if it were grafted onto my own ass, would allow me to swing from branch to branch and to perch high above unsuspecting citizens’ heads, where I could employ my tail to tickle tushies in the hopes that my victim will blame it on passing strangers – all for humorous effect. Then I would get an acting job where I play a major league baseball player who catches fly balls with my spectacular tail. I would have a special little glove for it. Then I would campaign for increased marriage rights between monkeys and humans with grafted monkey tails on their asses. Ahhh monkey. One day your oppression will end and you will rise again. Just like in that new film, Spy Kids.

Moopy, shloopy, goopie puppies. Not even a full grown dog, they are kind of like the animal who peaked in high school. When they are young and fluffy, their owners ooh and ahh over them: "My puppy is a purebred imported from Hong Kong!"

Or: "My puppy can bark along to Britney Spears’ greatest hits while walking on its hind legs." Or: "My puppy can accessorize her own exclusive, Paris Hilton designed, puppy couture wardrobe, along with matching nail polish, diamond collar, and Louis Vuitton bow, WHICH it bought online, with its OWN credit card, immediately after making me a card that read 'BEST MOMMY EVER!'" Once they no longer fit in the handbags of the inept young ladies running around Yaletown, it's all downhill for the little fur balls. After a few years as accessories and gorging themselves on organic puppy treats, their self esteem plummets and they find themselves fat, drunk on Peach Schnapps, and turning Terrier tricks in South Surrey. Poor puppy. When will you win?

Gerbil is so lame. He is basically fur with feet. He is nearly blind, surprisingly smelly, and endlessly fascinated with those stupid plastic wheels. Gerbil is the whipping boy of the animal world, subjected to inferior living conditions and irresponsible pet care due to his questionable status as a good first pet for kids. Think about it. He is not even considered cool enough to be a real pet. Instead, he is merely a training wheel on the bicycle of animal stewardship. He is a means to an end, a low cost, temporary option on the long road to the ownership of dog, cat, bird, or unicorn. Poor gerbil is disposable. He is commonly used as a sex toy due to his burrowing instincts but otherwise he does little and affects nothing. Gerbil is the animal equivalent of Prince Harry. Cute, scruffy, but ultimately fit for orifice, not office.

Goats. I don’t know how to describe these adorable balls of wiry fur except to say that they are the best animal in the history of the entire world.

One of the best things about goats is that when they’re pregnant they get really fat. Like, I know other pregnant things get fat, but goats get really fat. One time, I was at a farm, and I saw a goat that was so fat, because the kids inside of her were bulging out of her sides like two oversized basketballs. Do you know what this looks like on a goat? Hilarious! This other time, I was at a different farm, and the pregnant goat was wandering around, and then all of a sudden the other goats climbed on a rock and were making noises at the pregnant goat, and then they jumped off and started butting heads with her, and she butted right back and was like “whatever bitches, I’m a goat!” and didn’t even care! So cute! And this other time, I was at a farm, and there was a little baby goat that had just come out of a pregnant goat, and he was such a show off that he jumped up on the back of a bench and started prancing around. Then he fell off and was a little embarrassed but he jumped right back up and started prancing again. And then there’s Telus’ ad goats.

They’re the cutest, but not quite as cute as the little pigs singing at microphones and playing football. Those ads are the only time I will choose pigs over goats. All other times I wish I could go and live in a mountain cave with a bunch of goats and they would call me the Goat Lady. And all I would do is love goats and be with them forever and ever. The end.

GREEK CROSS WORD // Kevin Murray