Capilano Courier Volume 46 Issue 4 by Capilano Courier

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north vancouver

october

9 2012

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N o . 04

WHAT's Canada got to do with it?

Trampires

Lana del rey's Shotguns

WE REVIEW EVERYTHING!

CONNOR THORPE

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46 issue N o . 04

CAPILANO Courier The Staff

TABLE OF CONTENTS news

of this amazing university newspaper JJ Brewis Editor-in-Chief

Dont hit snooze, peruse the news.

calendar

Justine Bieber is cumming. To town.

columns

Ricky Bao Business Manager

Giles Roy Managing Editor

Katie So Art Director

Harper wins beauty contest

features

Featuring Mit Zombie

arts

Natalie Corbo Features Editor

Samantha Thompson Copy Editor

Sarshar Hosseinnia Sports Editor

JaZz_iz_kewl_4U@hotmail.com

Opinions

Smoke wheat every day

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sports

Scott Moraes Caboose Editor

Celina Kurz Arts Editor

Stefan Tosheff Production Manager

Connor Thorpe Staff Writer

Shannon Elliott Web Editor

Leanne Kriz Ads & Events Manager

Lindsay Howe News Editor

NHL strike, who gives a lock

CABOOSE

Leah Scheitel Opinions Editor

More like digeridon't

Phone: 604.984.4949 Fax: 604.984.1787 www.capilanocourier.com If you are interested in contributing, story meetings are Tuesdays @ noon in Maple 122

Colin Spensley Distribution Manager

× Letter from the editor ×

THE LONG ROAD HOME × ON the Cover ×

Katie SO

Stop whatcha doin' 'cause I'm about to ruin the image and the style that ya used to. I look funny but yo I'm makin' money see so yo world I hope you're ready for me. Now gather round I'm the new fool in town and my sound's laid down by the Underground. I drink up all the Hennessey ya got on ya shelf so just let me introduce myself www.katie.so

THIS WEEK IN THE

WORLD This stuff happened

THE VOICE BOX

× Editor-in-Chief

Shortly before arriving to my street he asked me if I’d like to (his words) “touch touch,” and when I asked him what in the hell that actually meant, he started to get frustrated and speak louder. Eventually he asked flat out, “Do you want to come up to the front seat and suck my dick or not?” I asked him to pull over, telling him that we were at my house, threw him a $10 bill (partially out of obligation and partially out of not knowing if he’d saw my head off if I didn’t), and got the fuck out as fast as I could, pretending a random apartment complex was my home. A taxi ride home is when one is most vulnerable. Nobody takes a cab because they want to or because they like doing it. Any other mode of transportation is more viable. Cabs are expensive, awkward at the best of times, and usually have really bad air circulation. This summer, a Vancouver cabbie was charged with sexually assaulting an intoxicated patron. Allegedly, the driver picked up a young woman at a bar, and stopped at two remote locations. In one of the locations, the driver blocked off the cab’s security camera before proceeding to take advantage of her in her barely conscious state. The driver has now been jailed for five and a half years. Just yesterday, another driver from Surrey was given a five and a half year sentence for two different instances of sexual assault. We deserve to feel safer in our communities, both in our homes and on transportation. For those of us without the safety and security of our own vehicles, transit is our best bet. But when those services fail us (late night service is infrequent), we should still be given a safe and reliable option. It’s terrible when you feel like a safer option would have been a 1 a.m. walk home among all of the pedestrian creeps and coyotes lurking about your neighbourhood, but for me that’s the case. I regret my decision to take a cab, and feel foolish for trusting my life in the hands of someone who could barely keep his eyes on the road (and off of me). I’m a pretty easy-going person, more known for making light of situations than making a big deal out of nothing. But this time, I’m angry and insulted. I just hope nobody else has to go through anything like this anytime soon. Sadly, I know I’m not alone. The case for safety in taxis is becoming more and more pressing. The Ministry of Transportation and Infrastructure has released a Taxi Bill of Rights, an agreement set in place to protect both taxi drivers and passengers. Not only are passengers given rights about quiet, clean and smoke-free atmospheres, but drivers are now officially required by the city to provide an economical route and be courteous. What’s written between the lines here, but not officially stated is: take people where they want to go, and don’t fucking sexually assault them.

Featuring: giles Roy

The Voicebox gives you the chance to have your opinion heard, no matter how irrelevant or uninformed. Just send a text message to (778) 235-7835 to anonymously “voice” your “thoughts” on any “subject.” Then, as long it’s not too offensive, we’ll publish it! It’s a win-win-win, unless you’re a loser. "The Courier font is too small, who is responsible for this minuscule print? I am blind in one eye and trying to read the paper is more difficult than getting red wine out of a white top. C’mon, Courier! Upsize that shit!"

I don't know what you're talking about. "Granville street is the worst place in the world."

You can totally tell this person is from London. Banging!

Our story meetings are every Tuesday at noon in our office, Maple 122.

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"I realized the other day that I am a hipster. Is there any sort of Hipsters Anonymous group on campus? I figured you guys would be the ones to ask."

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“Originally, the only reason I ever picked up a school paper was because I realized I was paying for the ‘free’ paper with my school fees anyway; so I may as well get my monies worth. But I remember the first time I flicked through it looking to ridicule I ended up being genuinely interested in a couple of the stories, and may have even let out a couple of genuine laughs from some of the jokes. Ever since then I genuinely looked forward to my weekly paper and never

That's weird that you said that, I was just there yesterday. Do we know each other? I agree.

looked back. I always wanted to praise the news team but today I read an article on my way to class that made me both shocked and ecstatic and have to actually take action to do so: LOCKED GROOVE -Plan B and the state of the Nation. Banging. I moved to Vancouver from East London four years ago and not once in that time have I ever met anyone who knew the artist Plan B, let alone liked him, heaven forbid respect his talents. So thank you, you restored my faith in Vancouver’s music, and gave a really talented man some international respect where it was very much due. (Hopefully we can get him enough fans so he can come tour.) And thank you to the other article writers for the entertainment the past three years. Bang!BANG!. E4DUNKNOWTHEDUNKNO BOUT PLANBBBBBBBBBBB!”

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Biggest contender to e.e. cummings' legacy: Albertan beef poet E.E. Coli × Bieber pukes on stage, attributed to hot new drug milk × Conservative says Mulcair caused Layton's death. Uhh pretty sure that was cancer, but thanks × NDP MP calls said Conservative a dickhead multiple times. Uhh pretty sure that one's accurate × James Franco set to release debut album. Lol what! × Ke$ha bangs ghost. This joke wrote itself? × Justin Trudeau visits Vancouver. Courier Copy Editor Samantha Thompson dies of fucking joy × Big Bird is fucking pissed at Romney × The Voice is so dope. We wanna be on team Maroon 5

Last night was really fucking cool. I got to see two really great musicians (more on page 16 if you want to hear about that), and then went out for late night snacks with a friend. It was actually one of my best nights in a while. And then my evening got really, really fucking uncool. My choice was either a half hour wait in the cold for the last bus home, or a $10 cab. Well, let’s see: it’s October in the Lower Mainland, at 1 a.m. It’s cold and dark and kind of scary. I live in New Westminster, and as much as I like to tell myself that I feel confidant and safe, I often think of a friend of mine who once was beaten up in these mean streets and ended up with his jaw wired shut. My decision was made for me. I exited New West station and the first thing I see is a line of cabs. As I boarded my taxi, I was already tired and wanted nothing more than to be in my warm bed. I was not very alert, present, or even thinking of anything other than whether or not I had the energy to read before bed. Shortly into the ride, the driver started chatting me up, which I suppose is not all that unusual. “Were you out with your girlfriend?” he asked me. If there’s anything I hate more than someone assuming I’m gay, it’s people assuming I’m straight. “No,” I wanted to tell him. “I was at an Alanis Morissette concert with my big gay self, before meeting my straight female friend at another show, and then proceeding to eat a big fat piece of pumpkin pie.” But I didn’t say that. Sometimes lying comes naturally to me, perhaps when I’m threatened or irritated. “I was with my dad,” I said. (Hilariously this was the first thing that came to me, ironic in context when you know my father passed away 12 years ago.) “Were you downtown? Were you at a club?” The driver’s eyes kept looking me up and down in the rearview mirror, and I could tell something was not quite right. “Are you gay?” he asked me, flat out. In a way I had to admire his directness, but also had to wonder where he was going with this. In my younger years I’d have veered the conversation away, but out of morbid curiosity and confusion I was honest. “Yes, I am gay. Why?” He smirked at me, told me he was “straight but accepting.” And then the ride got weirder, as the driver asked me if I lived alone, with friends, and if my roommates were “Chinese or black.” Seriously, I couldn’t make this shit up. Nor would I want to. Long story short, after the first couple questions I started giving bullshit answers, more out of wanting to fuck with this guy’s head and wanting a funny story to tell my friends. I told him that I had been downtown at a dinner with Sean Connery, that I was a software developer who lived with my rich lawyer husband. But even that was not enough to get him to shut the fuck up.

By JJ Brewis

NEWS

News Editor ×

Lindsay Howe × n e w s @ c a p i l a n o c o u r i e r . c o m

GETTING AROUND Recent Translink figures show the greening of Vancouver is upon us Lindsay Howe × News Editor Recent figures released by Translink in their 2013 Base Plan seem to bring significant statistics to please environmentally conscious Vancouverites. But as per usual, good news is often accompanied by the proverbial question, “Do you want the good or bad news first?” The good news is that Translink reports in the past three years, both bicycle and transit use has increased in Metro Vancouver, with cycling up 26 per cent and transit ridership up 17 per cent. These figures demonstrate that Vancouver residents are embracing the green movement by either leaving their vehicle at home, moving closer to their workplace, or taking advantage of the transit systems we have available to us here in the Lower Mainland. As for the negative side to going green, fewer vehicles on the road also equates to less money for Translink. With the fuel tax currently sitting at 17 cents per litre, every time you fill up, Translink receives a large portion of the money spent at the pump. This unfortunate financial reality of lost fuel tax revenue has been tempered recently with their announcement of finding approximately $100 million in efficiencies over each of the next three years. According to CBC, this newfound

money will assist funding more green initiatives such as the construction of the new Port Mann bridge rapid bus lanes, various upgrades to Skytrain, as well as a B-Line express service along King George Boulevard and the future construction of the Evergreen line. The release of these new statistics come at a time when the City of Vancouver has announced its interest in adding more bike and pedestrian lanes to both the Cambie and Granville street bridge. This green initiative that aims at discouraging car traffic from the downtown core will assist in reducing green house gas emissions here in Vancouver. City Councillor Adrienne Carr takes a critical approach to interpreting Translink’s new numbers explaining, “What’s really important when you look at percentage increases is to know the baseline numbers. In Metro Van, for example, about 11 per cent of trips to work are by walking and 14 per cent by transit. Cycling has gone up from 1.5 per cent to two per cent of the mode share. So, even though the percentage increase is greater regarding the number of people who cycle to work, more than five times as many people walk to work and seven times as many people take transit.” Adrienne Carr also cautions that more information is needed in regards to these proposed bike lanes explaining “Although in general I support all initiatives to increase non-car modes of

transportation in the aim to reduce greenhouse gas emissions and become a greener city, I want to know several things before voting on adding more bike lanes.” Carr continues that she wants to know, “What is the cost and what are the comparative returns in investment in cycling versus walking routes versus transit in reducing green house gasses by moving more people out of cars?” She continues her queries in asking, “How do the decisions about bike lanes on the Granville and Cambie bridges mesh with other transportation decisions such as removing the Georgia and Dunsmuir viaducts, and the overall 2040 Transportation Plan?” Professionals should answer all of these important questions in the near future, as the City of Vancouver has now posted a request for proposals. One incentive offered by Translink to increase ridership is the student U-Pass. The U-Pass offers an affordable mode of transportation for students and their bicycles throughout the Lower Mainland. Although the City of Vancouver hasn’t decided on whether or not the bike lanes will be a go, students at Capilano University have their own opinions about Translink’s U-Pass and the recent statistical announcement. Ryan Tostenson, a third year student at Capilano, believes, “It’s good for people to be biking and being green, but those numbers are seasonal. I wonder what those bike

stats will be during winter, maybe we could close the lanes seasonally.” Lexi Charlebois, another Capilano student, feels, “I think that transit and bike use has increased because of the skyrocketing price of gas and students shouldn’t have to pay for something they won’t use. The kids that drive every day could use the money for the U-Passes towards paying for parking.” For more details about the City of Vancouver’s campaign titled, “ Greenest City 2020: A Bright Green Future” visit: Vancouver.ca/green-vancouver/a-bright-greenfuture.aspx.

×× Peter Pawlowski

SHOW ME THE MONEY North Shore groups reap benefits from B.C. Arts Council Rebecca MacMurchy

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× Writer

The B.C. Arts Council received its annual funding from the provincial government totaling just over $16.8 million for the 2012/13 fiscal year, bringing the Council to a grand total of $175 million in funding over the past 13 years. Established in 1996, the Arts Council presents their mission as a desire to “engage all British Columbians in a healthy arts and cultural community that is recognized for excellence.” The nucleus of the Council is comprised of 15 board members, including a chairperson and vice-chairperson, who meet a minimum of four times annually to process the funding and determine its recipients. Of the $16 million spread over British Columbia to thousands of artists and organizations, the North Shore itself received just under $70,000 to be distributed to eight groups: $10,000 to the Capilano Press Society, $13,500 to the Blackbird Theatre Company and the highest grant of $15,000 to the Presentation House Cultural Society. The remaining $31,500 was distributed to five local North Vancouver groups including Reshift Music Society ($6000), Dancers of Damelahamid ($7000), Tomoe Arts Society ($3500), Laudate Singers ($7000) and Starr W. Muranko ($5000). The funding has widespread impact over the province, not only to the artists and citizens but to the sustainability of the provincial economy. Cabinet Minister Ida Chong, joined with B.C. Arts Council chair Stan Hamilton, was at the Victoria

Public Library in August to announce the funding. Chong maintains that, “Arts in British Columbia enrich families and support careers, while infusing creative and economic energy into communities in every region of the province. We will continue to work with artists and organizations through the B.C. Arts Council, our principal development and funding agency for the Arts, to build on British Columbia’s well-deserved international reputation for artistic excellence.” Hamilton, thankful for the support reiterated the importance of the funding to “ensure the arts in this province will grow and thrive over the long term.” Hamilton and Chong’s verbal beliefs are further mirrored in the core values the Arts Council stands for, including “a vibrant arts and cultural community in the creation of a healthy society” and goals touching on artistic achievement, sector capacity, community engagement and organizational effectiveness. The Council offers training and scholarships to mobilize their goals and values across B.C., reaching over 200 communities to date. Redshift Music Society, a benefactor of the 2012/13 grant, has received funding from the Arts Council for years. Redshift was created with the intention of bringing the music of Canadian composers to the general public. Jordan Nobles is one of these composers, as well as the founder and artistic director at Redshift. The funds from organizations like BCAC have been invaluable to Redshift, without so he believes, “we wouldn’t have been able to do it. I mean…it started because we wanted to do a concert and because of the money

we were able to hire the people to help us.” With a budget of $100,000-$150,000 a year, each investment counts. The $6000 is going towards a production set to occur this coming June 2013; a concert which is enabling Redshift to explore new opportunities. “The funding is allowing us to collaborate with musicians and composers that we wouldn’t have normally collaborated with,” says Nobles. The concert will incorporate 10 musicians and 10 composers; half from Vancouver and half from a group in Victoria, Open Space. Redshift and Open Space will perform the concert at a location in Vancouver and a location in Victoria, harnessing the collaboration in efforts to spread their music even further than before. “We think of ourselves as casting a huge net to the general population…not necessarily the ‘concert going’ audience. We’ve received a lot of positive feedback from people who didn’t know this kind of thing was happening and that’s what encourages us a lot.” Nobles applies to BCAC on project basis, essentially pitching his idea to the Council in hopes of receiving funding. “We’ve been really lucky,” he says, “I don’t think we’ve been rejected. I do a number of shows a year, about six or seven, and I can only apply to BCAC for one of those shows, so I pick the best looking project that we have and I go to them and say here’s our project.” Paddy Macleod, co-founder and General Manager at Blackbird Theatre Company, elaborated on the application process. “We normally apply for grants based upon what we’re doing for the

season,” she says. “You have to explain exactly what you’re doing. You have to provide budget, you have to have rationale and justifications. You have to have it all set up, you’ve got to tell them about your actors; it’s a very full dossier that you provide with each application. They don’t just dish them out unfortunately.” In spite of the extensive application process, Macleod had only good things to say about the B.C. Arts Council. “Without this funding we would find it very difficult to manage … we raise a lot of money through independent donations and foundations, but having money from the B.C. Arts Council just makes us go over the top, we end up without a red bottom line, it’s very important.” Blackbird Theatre Company was founded with the goal of bringing classical theatre to Vancouver. Blackbird has had huge success with past productions and is hoping to spread the life of theatre to a wide range of community members. “We’re trying to have people and young people…well people of all ages, but especially to have the younger people in the community find out what theatre can do for them … showing them new ways of thinking and bringing a new way of life to them. It’s one of our main hopes,” says Macleod. The BCAC continues to fund various organizations like Redshift Music Society and the Blackbird Theatre Company, among many others, acting as an advocate for art in all forms across British Columbia. From individuals to organizations and whomever falls in between, BCAC hopes to positively impact the quality of life for families and citizens throughout British Columbia.

A Voice Out of Darkness Former prostitute Seeks help for human trafficking victims Victoria Fawkes × Writer Vancouverite Trisha Baptie is almost 40 years old, has three children, and light-heartedly refers to herself as “a typical soccer mom from the ‘burbs.’” Though it seems idyllic now, Baptie’s life was not always like this. At the young age of 15, she was forced to turn to the dark world of prostitution and human trafficking. While in the business, she and her companions endured addiction, rape and abuse at the hands of multiple pimps and johns. Fortunately, in 2001, Baptie was able to walk away from prostitution for her three children, who now have higher aspirations than those that can be found on the street, thanks to their mother. When Baptie was still working on the streets, it was not an uncommon occurrence for one of her friends to go missing. Though she and her companions regularly reported their friends’ disappearances to law enforcement, they were denied their request to open a case file again and again. The police they spoke to were convinced that since they were prostitutes and addicts, they would eventually just turn up. “Those are the messages we hear all the time. As women that are vulnerable and as women that are marginalized, we are taught that it is our fault,” says Baptie. Soon, details about a particular suspect began to emerge, as well as the rumor that the suspect may be taking the missing women to his farm. Eventually, it became known that the man who had

been taking Baptie’s friends was now-infamous British Columbia serial killer, Robert Pickton. Baptie was present throughout the trial of Robert Pickton, in order to act as a firsthand correspondent at the proceedings. Baptie described how at one point during the reading of Pickton’s charges, she was so disturbed by what she heard that she had to leave the courtroom. “For a year, I sat about a foot and a half away from the man that killed my friends,” she said. Still, for her friends that were killed at the hands of Pickton, Baptie covered the trial for more than a year. “My friends had the right to have people hear what their lives were like and what they went through,” says Baptie. Today, Baptie owns Honour Consulting, a resource for those interested in the abolition of prostitution and the coordination of current events to raise awareness and educate those on the issues that surround human trafficking. She is also the Community Engagement Coordinator and founding member of EVE (Exploiting Voices now Educating), a volunteer group made up of former sex workers that contest and develop the notion of sex as work in Canada. EVE concerns itself with the idea that paid sex constitutes assault, and that prostitution comes from, and leads to, the oppression of women and children. Baptie also continues to offer political opinions via her blog and other media outlets, and has covered issues such as the Robert Pickton trial and others relating to prostitution and trafficking in Canada.

Though there are laws that have been implemented to help put a stop to human trafficking, there are still many offenders that slip through the cracks. Every year in Canada, between 800 and 1200 people are trafficked, according to the RCMP. In 2004, the Canadian government passed legislation that officially criminalized human trafficking. However, it wasn’t until 2008 that the law was finally put to use, leaving nearly half a decade in which victims of human trafficking were left to suffer. In 2009, Canadian politician Joy Smith presented Bill C-262. This Act was introduced to amend the Canadian Criminal Code to create a new offense for child trafficking, including a five-year mandatory prison sentence. Bill C-268 has received wide support and acclaim from many voices in the fight against human trafficking, including religious and First Nations representatives, RCMP forces, and victims and victims’ supporters. On Sept. 30 2009, it was clear that there was almost unanimous support for Bill C-268 among Liberal, Conservative and NDP representatives. The House of Commons subsequently passed it, and on June 29 2010, it was granted Royal Assent and became law in Canada. This was a historic leap forward in human trafficking prevention, as the passing of this bill was only the 15th time in the history of Canadian law that a Bill introduced by a Private Member amended the Criminal Code.

Despite the recent improvement to the Criminal Code, human trafficking is still a serious issue in Canada, and throughout the world. In Baptie’s opinion, the answer lies in the continuous development of Canadian policies and law, and the education of young Canadians on gender equality and respectful behavior. For her, the abolishment of prostitution and human trafficking would allow for a safer Canada, for everyone. “No one has ever intercepted the male demand for woman and children’s bodies and their ability to buy them,” says Baptie. “We can argue choice all we want, but the thing that we’re really arguing is the lack of choice.”

Just Ask Why students hesitate to ask questions Maya McDonald × The Fulcrum (University of Ottawa)

you don’t understand, come see me, at least make my office hours useful,’” said Hayward. Still worried your professor will think you’re an idiot if you need help? Don’t be. “There is no such thing as a stupid question,” said Lecours. He also recommends students visit their teaching assistants during their office hours, as they can be a wealth of knowledge for struggling students.

Please note these are unofficial results, and are pending ratification on Oct. 10 at the Board of Directors’ meeting. Education Issue Coordinator Brittany Barnes (ELECTED) YES: 390 NO: 29 Environmental Issues Coordinator Desiree Wallace (ELECTED): 300 Zach Ferance: 189 First Nations Liaison Dolly Reno (ELECTED): 264 Ciara John: 99 Mason Ducharme: 91 Social Activities Coordinator Teresa Grant (ELECTED) YES: 371 NO: 41

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Students of Colour Liaison

Saam Nasirpour (ELECTED) YES: 370 NO: 32

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Students with Disabilities Liaison Sean Stewart (ELECTED): 300 Patrick Heywood: 189 Women’s Issues Liaison Alyssa Lalani(ELECTED): 228 Brittany Coulter: 187

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OTTAWA (CUP) — “Any questions?” There is nothing like the shiver that runs down your spine when your professor asks this at the end of class. Most students will, in an effort to maintain their composure, avoid making eye contact and shuffle their books and papers until the professor receives the not-so-subtle signal to let everyone out. But what if you actually do have a question? At the beginning of the semester, professors introduce themselves and their office hours. They always encourage students to visit them during their office hours and offer to help anyone who needs assistance with assignments, essays, or understanding readings. But instead of feeling relieved that their professors are eager to help, many students are too scared of looking like a fool to seek out guidance. “Personally, I am nervous to speak to my professors,” said Megan Beretta, a first-year political science and communications student at the University of Ottawa. “I always feel like I should be able to answer questions myself, and am not being thorough enough with my work or not paying attention well enough if I am confused. It is nerve-wracking to have to go considerably out of my way to ask something that I just possibly missed in class or in the textbook.” André Lecours, a U of O professor of political studies, has had many students come through his office door. “Explore your options,” he said to students who are feeling hesitant to ask a question. “Use

the Academic Writing Help Centre as much as you can, for help with things like writing or syntax, or [other] things students may feel isn’t the type of help that professors can provide.” When Beretta finally worked up the courage to visit one of her professors, she realized how much she had been missing out on. “I recently went and visited my professor in office hours,” she said. “I went with prepared questions, but I was put at ease when I realized how friendly and interested he was in talking to me.” Ashley Hayward, a third-year U of O student studying political science and communications, explained that visiting your professor can be helpful for other classmates, as well. “Students usually don’t realize that if they don’t understand, they probably are not the only one, and by going to a professor during office hours it acknowledges that you didn’t understand and encourages the professor to review the information in the next lecture,” she said. “Chances are if they are asking for clarification there is someone else sitting in the lecture who also did not understand.” Even though Hayward would encourage other students to visit their professors if they need help, she cautions them against relying on their professors too heavily. “Students need to realize the professor is not going to hold their hand and do the readings for them,” Hayward said. “But if they are struggling on a particular point, the professor would be more than happy to help them out.” For those students who feel it is a burden to ask their professors questions, fear not; profs have office hours for a reason. “[Professor’s have] stated on more than one occasion, ‘I have office hours and nobody visits me. If

Capilano Students’ Union 2012 Election Results

cap calendar

Calendar@ c a p i l a n o c o u r i e r . c o m

Contact us to have your event featured in the calendar. monday OCT. 8 Thanksgiving This is a day for turkey! Unless you’re like me and don’t eat turkey, in which case you should just have some nice cranberry sauce, and maybe some pumpkin pie and vegetarian stuffing. YUM! All day, everywhere. Probably free, if you’re smart.

Movie Monday! May we suggest the Thanksgiving themed Pieces of April starring starry-eyed Scientologist Katie Holmes? Or, even better, the even more holiday themed the Family Stone featuring the darling Diane Keaton? I watched both of these on a bus trip once and was pretty into it. I have great taste. All day, my house. Free if you have the Internet.

SEARS IS GONE :'( After months of their "final closing sale," Sears in downtown Vancouver is now closed. The good news is, I've been to Sears more times in the last three months than I have in the whole time they were open. I got a sweet alligator ring, and a cheetah ring, and a necklace I never wear, all for $15! Yep, I sure am going to miss Sears in all its glory.

I feel like part of my heart has been ripped out and stamped on a million times and that I will never be whole again. Goodbye Sears, it's been swell <3

tuesday oct. 9 Story meeting for the Courier! You’re reading this publication right this moment, so obviously you’d love just as much to come write a fun story for us, meet our immensely attractive staff, and get paid in the process? It really is a season for thanks and giving! 12:00 p.m., Maple 122, free!

MACS signature speaker series The Marketing Association of Capilano Students is bringing Bosco Anthony to campus to talk about his wealth of experience in sales. He’s worked in a bunch of different industries like travel, gaming and the web, and has tips on how to increase your online sales while utilizing social media and Internet marketing. 11:30 a.m., location TBD. Free.

Shindig Night 5 If you haven’t had a chance to check out Shindig yet, tonight is a good night to do it. Vancouver’s longest running musical competition, Shindig’s fifth night features awesome bands like Hunger City, J.R.R. Tokin’, and Lunch Lady, all of whom have unique sounds and are fun to watch. 9 p.m., the Railway Club. $8.

Miss Representation screening Since it was featured at the Sundance Film Festival in 2011, this documentary has been a big hit. It explores the media’s representation of women and how as a result women are underrepresented in positions of power and influence. If you haven’t seen this already, get on it! Time TBA, Roundhouse Community Arts and Recreation Centre. By donation.

wednesday oct. 10 Stalled We all know what the graffiti in public washrooms is like – hilarious, informative, or offensive. It rules! Now someone has made a film exclusively featuring such graffiti, so obviously it is going to be awesome. 4 p.m., Nat and Flora Bosa Centre for Film and Animation (what a mouthful!). Free.

Finding Home Today is World Homelessness Day, and this event features inspiring stories from those who have lived experiences of homelessness and those who are striving to improve the lives of the homeless. 6 p.m. St. Andrew’s Wesley United Church. $10/$0 wageless.

Justin Bieber and Carly Rae Jepsen (!!!) If I was your boyfriend I’d call you maybe, but this curiosity has me catching feelings all around the world. Right here is more than a memory but tonight I’m getting over you. You don’t know how beautiful you are to me, I’d die in your arms. It’s always a good time! 7 p.m., Rogers Arena. Sold out but hit up Craigslist!

The Improv Musical Okay can I just say that this sounds like the best thing ever! It’s a musical. Improvised! This will be amazing! If you can’t go tonight because of the Biebs, don’t worry – this show is every Wednesday down at Granville Island. 7:30 p.m., the Improv Centre. $14.

Jim Norton at Dark Comedy Festival Jim Norton is known for being outspoken and unique, but he sure is funny! He’s been on TV, radio, and written a couple of books – he’s done it all and this show is going to be hilarious. 7 p.m., the Rickshaw. $25.

The Jacksons Late superstar Michael Jackson’s Jackson 5 costars (and brothers, obviously) are back on tour. Hear reimagined versions of “ABC”, “I Want You Back” among others! MJ hologram not included. :( 8 p.m., River Rock Casino, $99.50-$115.50

Ghost Train This is Sam’s fun Sunday activity of the week! The Stanley Park Ghost Train has started up again and it’s always really fun and mildly terrifying. This year’s theme is Fee Fi Fo Fun: Scary Fairy Tales, and I feel like it may ruin my childhood memories. Let’s all go together, I feel like that’s when it will be the most fun! 6 p.m. to 10/11 p.m, Stanley Park. $9.82.

Sufjan Sunday Over here at the Courier we are big fans of musical god Sufjan Stevens. This week, Sufjan finally came out of hiding and announced the upcoming release of a (second!) Christmas box set. Excited? We are! Listen to the Age of Adz or Illinoise today and immerse yourself in all of his jangly glory! All day, every day, free (unless you wanna pay).

Thursday oct. 11 The Head and The Heart This act is from our beautiful neighbor Seattle, and they’re coming up to visit! They’ve opened for big names like Dave Matthews, Vampire Weekend and the Decemberists, but now they’re headed out on their own. 8 p.m., the Commodore Ballroom. SOLD OUT :’(

Peak Performance Project The Peak is a sweet radio station that I like a lot, and something that makes them even better is their Performance Project. Not only does awesome B.C. talent get a leg up in their careers, but people like you and me can also see a whole whack of bands for only $12. Win-win! 8 p.m., the Red Room. $12.

Vancouver Preparedness Show By now you’re probably aware that Vancouver is kind of screwed when it comes to the future. As in, we’re probably going to have an earthquake. Luckily we know this so in theory we should all be prepared! Start with this show, and become prepared for all sorts of disasters – it starts today and goes until Oct. 14, as part of the Home and Design Show. All day, B.C. Place. $15.

Bob Dylan with Mark Knopfler That’s right, at the ripe old age of 71, Bob Dylan is still at it, singing songs that have influenced the popular music of the past five decades. He obviously has a lot of energy left, as he went on tour extensively last year and released a brand new album in early September. He rules!

7:30 p.m., Rogers Arena. $57-$145.

Friday oct. 12

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Last day to withdraw The pressure is on! If you really, really, REALLY don’t want to take that class, leave now and don’t look back! Or else you’ll end up with a big ugly ‘F’ on your transcript and we all like to avoid those whenever possible. All day, CapU. Subject to some fees.

Saturday oct. 13 Irving Berlin: the Melody Lingers On Irving Berlin is a musical legend and any event inspired by him is going to be a good time. This one in particular is cabaret-style, and features his music and includes Jeffrey Victor heading a cast of six fine Vancouver singers. Cabaret seating available, to add to the fun! 7:30 p.m., Orpheum Annex. $32/$39.

UBC Apple Festival Do you love apples as much as Courier food columnist Yvette Yardanoff? Then this is the event for you! Take home some of the 44,000 pounds of the 70 different types of apples. Sounds a-peeling to the core! 11 a.m.-4 p.m., UBC Botanical garden, $4 cash entry plus price of apples.

SUNday sept. 23 Deftones Fresh off a tour where they supported System of a Down, the alt-rock band are heading out solo, yet strangely a month before their latest album, Koi No Yokan. 7 p.m., the Commodore Ballroom. $46.

Knitting Club Haven’t you always wanted a place to knit? Or perhaps learned a little more about the craft? I know I have because all my relatives can knit better than me and it’s become kind of a weird family punchline. No experience required here, so let’s go! 4 p.m., River District Centre. Free.

The Capilano Courier is hiring temporary distribution position open must be available mondays. automobile required contact jj brewis editor@capilanocourier.com

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Columns

Columns Editor ×

JJ Brewis × E d it o r @ c a p i l a n o c o u r i e r . c o m

HE BLINDED ME WITH SCIENCE

Giles Roy × Columnist

Coral Capers This week, a whole bunch of crazy shit happened in outer space. Aside from the Curiosity rover finding an ancient streambed on Mars (as in, they found evidence of water, the thing we drink, on Mars, the planet we don’t inhabit), astronomers in Massachusetts also used a complex four-point telescopic system to observe the edges of a black hole beyond the Milky Way system. It’s a big deal because it’s the best-ever look at the supermassive cosmic phenomenon. Alas, this week I’ve chosen to point the telescope in a different direction. Specifically, downward. Inward, even! Because, while astronomers were marveling over the black hole development, researchers at the Monterey Bay Aquarium Research Institute were photographically capturing a phenomenon of their own: the elusive Chaunacops coloratus, an anglerfish that lives up to 11,000 feet below the surface of the eastern Pacific Ocean. While it’s already amazing that people on this planet are discovering new species at all, what’s more significant is the trend of these discoveries taking place below sea level. As technology improves, sea exploration advances in a similar fashion to space exploration. Researchers are constantly finding new ways to go deeper and stay down longer, resulting in the discoveries of new species weekly, all of them fascinating. And ugly! The lack of sunlight at such depths means the survival of these fish comes at the cost of their normally stunning good looks. Chaunacops coloratus, for example, uses horrifying foot-esque fins to lurk around the ocean floor, in

a process that looks a lot like walking. Or take Psychrolutes marcidus (the Blobfish) which more resembles a dementedly cartoonish molten human head than a fish. Or the Eurypharynx pelecanoides (the Pelican Eel), which is so terrifying that its very existence essentially disproves God. The average Internet user’s reaction to these discoveries is typically some variation of “Kill it with fire,” and the decreasing appeal and excitement of these discoveries has led to a sort of general laymen’s consensus that maybe we ought to leave the ocean alone for a while. Indeed, in the past, people have both jokingly and sincerely condemned aquatic exploration because, you know, what if Cthulu’s down there? Sylvia Earle, explorer-in-residence for National Geographic, is a lifer with every qualification an aquanaut can have. Interviewed for Bigthink. com, however, she gives little in the way of an explanation for why exactly we should be screwing around in the ocean’s depths. In fact, in defense of deep-sea exploration, Earle merely offers a non-answer – “Because that is where the action is. That is where most of life on Earth is. That is where most

Second, honestly, because we can. The worst that can ultimately be said about this sort of technological arms race is that it’s not focused enough. This past March, James Cameron (the guy who made Terminator 2, Titanic, and Avatar) strapped on his Tintin shoes and funded a solo trek into the western Pacific Ocean’s Mariana Trench. It was one of the first instances of a high profile, private jaunt into the unknown, the marine equivalent of Lance Bass’ comically futile attempt at astronautics 10 years ago. ×× KAREN PICKEtTS Cameron broke the depth-record for a solo dive and returned with a wealth of new samples and of the water is. 97 per visual media, to an automatic slew of skepticism cent of Earth’s water is ocean. Without the ocean, and criticism. It’s easy to laugh Cameron’s expedition off as without water, Earth would be much like Mars.” But even if Earle seems unable to articulate a a rich egoist flexing his fiscal muscle for sport, clear motive, this obligatory march into the sea but the fact is that such an exercise would not could prove to be one of the most important have been possible even mere years ago, and he’s fighting the good fight by supporting technologiscientific ventures of our time. For two reasons: First, and this is a relatively cal advancement at all. He should be lauded for recent notion, the ocean influences “surface life” his effort, no matter how ridiculous it may sound far more intrinsically than even traditional findings in summary - because when it comes to oceanic suggest. Aside from the fact that so much of our discovery, no progress is bad progress. The same food comes from it, there’s the ever-growing list goes for all science. Also, Terminator 2 is the best movie of all time. of ways that the ocean affects our climate. While there isn’t going to be a single end-all solution to the climate change problem, it’s likely that the key to fixing it will come from a complete understanding of the ocean, something mankind doesn’t yet possess. Climate change itself is quickly closing in, and at this point, the sea-race (I just named it that) should be seen as more of a “because the survival of the human race may depend on it” thing than a “because we can” thing.

TWELVE ITEMS OR LESS

Yvette Yardanoff × Columnist

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The Last Supper

It's that time of year when we all make decisions about what to do for holiday dinners. Maybe you have a loving family and there is no place you'd rather be than sitting with them around a table, enjoying a meal together. While that’s fantastic for some, seasonal holidays can be a bubbling cauldron of pain for others. For those of you who have families, did you always have seasonal family dinners? Were they full of warm, loving and fun memories or were they just a crock of shit? Sometimes when I ask people what they are doing on Christmas or Thanksgiving, they'll say they are going to a particular family member's house for dinner. When asked why they do this, they reply, “This is what we do.” Clearly the reason for celebrating is more steeped in tradition than a conscious choice. Some people might be ready for a change. A good application to decision making comes in four steps. This is not exclusive to a process on deciding how to spend a holiday, but can be applied to just about anything. Ask yourself what you really want, make your truth known, notice how this unfolding is affecting you and let go of the perceived outcome. This approach is borrowed from the Four Fold Way, a method developed by teacher and cultural anthropologist, Angeles Arrien. Well, if the time has come to finally pass up on

tradition, what's your strategy? Make your own mark, hold your own gathering, surround yourself with people you want to be with and make dishes that you and your guests will enjoy. If you're going to miss folks from out of town, utilize a different means of communication, such as Skype, phone or email on another occasion. Whatever your decision ends up being, you can still plan a holiday meal with exciting new culinary traditions. If you want to see your family, but you can't stand five hours of torture and lost study time, then make it a lunch, or skip it and meet them for a coffee on a different day. Another option is to show up for dessert and take leftovers when you leave! Some choose to skip traditional celebration altogether, and make use of the time to help the less fortunate. Volunteering at the Union Gospel Mission has become a modern tradition for individuals and families alike, particularly flocking there in the holidays to show the spirit of the season. Easier said than done? There are unknown consequences and rewards when paving one's own path. Personally, I don't have fantastic memories of family dinners from my past. Hell, I didn't even know what a sense of family was in my youth. In my late teens, one of my best friends started to invite me to her large family dinners. The first

few feasts I attended seemed absolutely delightful. The extended family gathered at mom and dad's house. Everyone was in good spirits, enthusiastic and certainly comfortable. The odd “stupid” remark came up, from time to time, and was tolerated, like water off a duck's back. But experiencing the holidays with my new second family exposed me to an entirely new world of culinary holiday traditions. A whole day and a half of preparation went into these glorious seafood sensations. Wonderful selections of wines were presented. Course after course, a variety of mussels, clams, pasta, calamari, salad and the most delicious crab I have ever eaten were all served. Traditionally, the youngest family member would make the famous tiramisu the day before. Decadent, earthy and sweet with a perfect bite courtesy of the liqueur. Not too rich. Even better when enjoyed with a piping hot stovetop espresso. Mama mia! But, wait, if I was so in love with these feasts, why did I begin to pass them up as years went by? It wasn't just about the food, after all. Looking back, I was no longer willing to sit through what had increasingly become dysfunctional holiday dinners just so I could crack crab. I had gone to keep my friend company, back in the day, and that's how it all started. The discomfort was starting to outweigh the decadence.

The need to distance myself started slowly. I wasn't interested in tolerating a boring girlfriend who never had anything meaningful or funny to say. She chewed her food, mouth open, tacky tongue lapping the roof of her mouth. Good God. Then there was the event where all the adult cousins went down to the car park to smoke a joint, before the meal. I realized for some of the siblings, well into their forties, that this wasn't a youthful experimentation with weed and great tasting food. No, this was a “how the hell am I going to get through the next six hours?” kind of high. This was the “last supper” I spent with my holiday family, before I moved on to reinventing traditions in my own way. Your holiday should be about you. Spend it with the people you love, be it family, friends, or yourself. The holidays are undoubtedly about food, but cooking is not for everyone. Locations like the Acme Café offer a full service holiday meal for those without the time or patience to cook all the courses. Whatever your circumstance is, be honest with yourself during holiday events. Try to give yourself what you need, what you deserve. Taking stock of your own last supper, what do you want for your next one?

IN DA HOUSE

Samantha Thompson × Columnist

We’re so proud, dearest Harper You know, I’m pretty proud of our country. Throughout our relatively short history, we have generally been quite progressive – establishing universal healthcare, giving anyone who wants to get married the opportunity to, and laying the foundations for the United Nations. Now on top of all that, we have an award-winning prime minister. Honestly, does it get any better than this? In late September, our very own Stephen Harper was given two awards that celebrated his overall awesomeness. Please hold your applause until the end. One award was the tongue-in-cheek Richard Nixon award (he was the first-ever recipient!), given to someone exhibiting "principled, forthright and steadfast international policies in the interests of the rich and powerful, regardless of the consequences". The second award was actually serious and named Harper as the World Statesman of the Year, by a prestigious inter-faith organization out of New York. The Appeal of Conscience Foundation said they selected Harper because of his international leadership for freedom, democracy and human rights. “This interfaith coalition of business and religious leaders promotes peace, tolerance and ethnic conflict resolution,” says the organization’s website. “The Foundation believes that freedom, democracy and human rights are the fundamental values that give nations of the world their best hope for peace, security and shared prosperity.” Now, I believe in honesty, and I must tell you that when I first heard this “announcement,” I was on the floor laughing for a good five minutes. Freedom, democracy and human rights? These are definitely not words I associate with Harper. Unless we’re talking about how he has singlehandedly undermined those three concepts, with great vigor, since his election in 2006. Freedom is one of those things that comes in many different forms, but Harper and his government have been gradually chipping away at it to make it the most restricted freedom possible. Freedom of speech? Gone. The most popular example of this involves his gag orders on scientists, which

have received national scrutiny. It all culminated in an open letter earlier this year from groups representing scientists and journalists, demanding that he stop “muzzling” federal researchers. "Despite promises that your majority government would follow principles of accountability and transparency, federal scientists in Canada are still not allowed to speak to reporters without the 'consent' of media relations officers," the letter read. As for democracy, Harper has been attacking it consistently for years. Most recently we’ll remember the robocalls, where potential voters received automated calls from “political parties” at ungodly hours of the night, asking if they were going to vote for them. Curiously, the robocalls were primarily asking on “behalf ” of the Liberals, and it has been alleged that the Conservatives organized these calls as a way to steal votes away from a competing party. On top of this, there have been budget cuts to non-profits with mandates that differed from the mandate of the Conservative government, and cuts to popular

youth programs like Katimavik (logical in the eyes of the Tories because, well, statistically, youth don’t really vote). A true democracy is an environment where there is dissent, and where healthy discussion is fostered – but this is no longer an accurate description of Canada. As for human rights, well, Harper doesn’t exactly like those either. Libya was bombed extensively with Canadian bombs, under the guise of “securing democracy.” Omar Khadr, Canada’s championing human rights-gone-wrong story, was returned earlier this month to a lacklustre response from the Conservatives – even though they should be happy that a Canadian, who was allegedly tortured and denied a lawyer for two years, is back in his home country after 10 years in Guantanamo Bay. All those aside, there are some positive things about Harper. His hair is extremely shellacked and robot-esque, he likes cats and his overall appearance resembles a scary, but occasionally lovable, grandpa. Unfortunately, when you compare him to past leaders like Prime Minister and Nobel

Peace Prize laureate Lester B. Pearson, he pales in comparison. He’s not even the first PM to win the World Statesman award – Chretien won it in 2002 and while he wasn’t the best leader either, at least he supported bilingualism and multiculturalism! What is perhaps most ironic about this whole situation is that Harper took a special trip down to New York to accept the prize, where he presented a speech talking about how we should all hate Iran because they’re “evil.” Meanwhile, the General Assembly of the UN was meeting, and Harper refused to appear in-person to explain Canada’s latest foreign policy. The UN Security Council took away Canada’s seat in 2010, and it would seem Harper’s ego has never quite recovered. Since 2006, he’s only spoken to the General Assembly three times, and has made it obvious that he has no intention of cozying up next to the UN – in 2009, he chose to speak at the opening of a Tim Hortons instead of at the General Assembly. Come on, Harper – we know you’re upset about losing your seat but get over it. Although the UN is flawed, it has done volumes for international cooperation since its inception following WWII. Since Canada has now broken off ties with Iran, we need to make sure we still have friends internationally who will back us up. That number has been steadily dwindling over the past six years, and soon no one is going to back up the whiny country with the man with Lego hair as their leader, if he has made it clear that he’d rather be drinking cheap double doubles than spending time justifying his actions. All of these things together are not helping our international presence, and it won’t take long before we’re completely alone. And that is when we’re really going to be in trouble. But no, Harper, I’m so proud that you won this prestigious award on behalf of Canada. This is an even greater monument to your glory than those sweet pandas you got us from China.

×× ARIN RINGWALD

GALLERY

Jillian Aquino × Columnist

Conceptual conversation

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a star pupil - “this one looks like a flamingo!” one gallery-goer comments, “it’s called Flamingo,” I respond. It is remarkable that Baghramian is able to evoke so much feeling with such abstracted forms, that it seems so natural to label or classify the sculptures with human-like characteristics, to give them personalities coupled with their cheeky names or status within the group when in fact they are simply forms placed in a room. Pointing at Slacker I flopped on the ground a man asks me directly, “Is this one supposed to be like this?” I nod my head and he continues, “Uh, because all of the other guys are standing up.” Baghramian’s work is a strong reminder of the power of art and language to create ideas about signification and circumstance, inclusion and exclusion. As the gallery opening attendees begin to congregate outside and the night winds down I head to the bar for a drink. The volunteer bartender lists the usual drink menu for the evening, smiles and adds as an aside, “The best one is a half white wine, half sparkling water.” I smile back. “I’ll take one.”

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conversation. In Class Reunion there is an ongoing conversation between the sculptures and viewers looking at them and walking amongst them. After we walk through Xu Zhen’s piece, The Last Few Mosquitoes, enlarged palm-sized, breathing mosquitoes spotlighted against the gallery’s white walls as if sucking the lifeblood from them, we are given our assignments. I’m assigned as an art security monitor in the room where Class Reunion is housed. I am told to be wary of errant backpacks and large purses, and as people weave in and out of the room, I cringe at a few close calls. Indeed, with a few glasses of wine in them, some gallery-goers even forget the basic “please don’t touch the art” rule. Though I gently remind them of this, I don’t entirely blame them. In certain parts of the room the sculptures lean towards you as if to engage you in a chat, others like Spider stand precariously against a wall, its spindly legs inviting further inspection looking at once both fragile and aggressive, ready to pounce. The pieces in Class Reunion are in a mainly neutral palette of black, white and grey with some hints of colour in murky purple or a navy blue. The one exception and stand-out is Flamingo, painted as named in a bright pink, looking like

sculptures. The bulk of these abstract works consist of bulbous sculptures in resin, atop thin and painted metal poles. They’re anchored with rubber stands and include humourous names like So So and Mr. Hunger as if to capture the nature of the characters that the works represent. The sculptures are placed throughout the room close enough to “speak” to one another but with enough space between them that the viewer can pass through. Nairy Baghramian was born in Iran but has made Berlin her home for many years. This show is her first in North America. She is elegant in an enviously European way and approachable in her discussion of her art. Immediately she opened the dialogue up to the volunteers, asking what we felt like being in a room with the sculptures. Right away the volunteers associated them with characters, a sculpture called Tomcat leaning against a corner “looked like an observer taking it all in” while another noted the tall fragile Knucklehead Thither, expressing concerns that gallery patrons might knock it over. Baghramian then spoke to us about some inspirations for the characters, such as an old woman hobbling around town with a walker for Handrail, but the word that she kept returning to was

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“Heineken, red or white wine? We also have sparkling water.” Licking envelopes for hours (thank goodness for the arrival of envelope-sealing mail machines), battling with toddlers and unruly pieces of cardboard paper, or liquoring up patrons and artists alike at openings. Welcome to an evening of art gallery volunteering. Volunteering is an excellent way of getting involved in the local arts community and often requires only a minimal time commitment. Lax gallery-going on my part has also resulted in a dearth in my volunteering shifts at galleries. I decide to change this by responding an uncharacteristic “yes, I’ll be there” to one of the e-mail calls for volunteers that floated into my inbox. Arriving an hour before the opening of new shows at the Contemporary Art Gallery, volunteers were treated to a special tour of the new exhibitions with CAG curator Jennifer Papararo and the artist Nairy Baghramian. Along with a mixed group of volunteers, some that I recognize from past experiences as long-time volunteers, others wearing the tell-tale paint splattered jeans of Emily Carr art students, we huddle together into the B.C. Binning Gallery which contains Nairy Baghramian’s Class Reunion, a collection of 18

FEATURES

Features Editor ×

NATALIE CORBO

× s p e c i a l f e at u r e s . c a p c o u r i e r @ g m a i l . c o m

Convenience or bust

Reliance on walk-in clinics symptom of bigger problem Connor Thorpe

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× Staff Writer

Walk-in clinics have a sordid reputation amongst hypochondriacs and occasional attendees alike. From long wait times to relatively laissez-faire service and treatment, the reputation is arguably deserved. Still, at one time or another, most college students have had an experience at a walk-in clinic and some rely on them exclusively. According to recent surveys conducted by Statistics Canada, college-age males are the least likely demographic in the country to have access to a regular doctor. For out-of-province students, this is understandable. Finding a doctor in Vancouver can be hard to begin with. The added stress of settling into a new home and a new school can make the task of finding convenient and high-quality healthcare almost prohibitively difficult. Additionally, the amount of retiring general practitioners is greater than the number of graduated medical students entering the workforce, leading to a shortage of doctors that are able to accept new patients. “The outlook is, unfortunately, not good because there will be fewer physicians over time that are going to be able to do primary care – even the numbers graduating won’t meet the numbers actually retiring from practice,” Calgary and Area Physicians Association spokesman Dr. Michael Guiffre told the Vancouver Sun. Guiffre believes that a reliance on walk-in clinics is detrimental to the overall quality of healthcare in Canada. “We cherish the doctor-patient rapport, a feeling of trust that we can count on. That is what facilitates good healthcare. A family doctor will have that personal, deeper understanding of you and your family.” The most recent Canadian Community Health Survey from Statistics Canada determined that almost 85 per cent of Canadians have family doctors. The least likely demographic to have a family doctor is males between the ages of 20 to 34, at 65.4 per cent. Combined with the 81 per cent of females who have a doctor, this makes the average for this age group the lowest in the country overall. Although 46.1 per cent of those without doctors reported not actively seeking a doctor, most others indicated accessibility problems, which included local doctors not taking patients, retirement of previous doctor and the lack of available doctors. Of the survey participants who did not have a family doctor, 61.6 per cent stated that a walk-in clinic is where they seek medical attention first. A 2009 article in the Vancouver Sun states that British Columbia experienced a large influx of new doctors in that year – a statistic that should have made family doctors more accessible to residents of the city. In the article, then-Health Minister Kevin Falcon recognized the issue and elaborated on what the government has done to combat it. “It speaks to the work we’ve been doing since 2001 to double the size of UBC medical school, to reform family medicine to help make it more appealing, and many other innovations,” he said. Falcon explained that the government initiatives have already produced results. “We are starting to see the effect of the increased class size at UBC. And B.C., relative to other jurisdictions in Canada and around the world, is very successful in recruiting new doctors.”

Judging by the results of the two Canadian Community Health Surveys that followed Falcon’s comments, it seems that we have not seen the benefits of increased rates of medical school graduation in the province just yet. The 2010 and 2011 surveys see a 0.1 per cent decrease annually in Canadians with a family doctor, while the number of Canadians between 20 and 34 with a doctor fluctuates from 74.1 per cent (2009) to 72.6 per cent (2010) to 73.1 per cent (2011). The conclusion can be drawn that since 2009, less Canadians have a regular family doctor – but why? A study by the Fraser Institute found that the “physician supply in Canada is insufficient to meet the demand for physician care under the present structure of Medicare.” This problem is partially attributed to the “government-imposed limitation on the number of physicians being trained in Canada.” The study offers a dark forecast for the availability of doctors in Canada until 2020. With a large number of doctors that are nearing retirement age (38 per cent of Canadian doctors in 2010 were over the age of 55), an even greater number of new doctors are necessary to maintain the already inadequate doctor-to-patient ratio in the country. Factor in an aging population, and the outlook isn’t good. The Fraser Institute study concludes that “without a significant addition of foreign-trained doctors, the Canadian physician-to-population ratio will decline between [2010] and 2020, just as it would have in the 1990s and 2000s if foreign physicians had not made up for the shortfall caused by insufficient medical school admissions.” A 2007 government report noted that some Canadians might simply have trouble fitting traditional doctor visits into their schedules. Doctors – being in short supply – are typically booked up well in advance and maintain office hours that mirror that of a standard work week. Additionally, the report notes that many new medical school graduates are choosing to work in walk-in clinics that offer “brief, episodic care” – a reference to the difficulty in treating

serious or hard-to-diagnose conditions without the doctor-patient familiarity that is standard in a family practice.

HEALTHCARE AT CAPILANO Capilano University offers a healthcare plan for students through the Capilano Students’ Union. The plan costs $225.35 per year and includes coverage for health, dental, vision and travel. This cost is included in annual Capilano student fees. Though students at Capilano can all take advantage of their healthcare, where they can do this still remains an issue. Unlike other universities in the city, Capilano does not have its own medical clinic. SFU operates two and UBC operates two – plus a dental clinic, a pharmacy and a wellness centre. While Capilano students are generally referred to offsite physicians and clinics, the school does offer general medical services on Tuesdays and Thursdays in Birch 249. Walk-in clinics are always an option for students and those from other provinces.

“I think many students do rely on walk-in clinics for quick access to public health services. My family doctor is often booked full and it can take me up to a week to get an appointment,” said Capilano student Jordan Coulter. “Of course, as a student, missing a week of school could make or break my semester. I can’t afford to be sick and potentially miss a week of school, so I rely on walkin clinics for a quick diagnosis and hopefully a return to good health.” Capilano student Peter Warkentin – an occasional user of walk-in clinics who does not have a family doctor - says the experience is not always worth the trouble. After coughing up blood last June, Warkentin visited a walk-in clinic, hoping to find answers sooner than he would by visiting the emergency room. “I explained the situation, and without inquiring further at all, [the doctor] shared his thoughts with me. He said, in a tone that did not inspire confidence, that it was probably a burst blood vessel in my sinuses, but also advised that I should get a chest x-ray to see whether the blood was coming from my lungs or not,” Warkentin said of the experience. “His bedside manner was nonexistent. He was curt, unfriendly and seemed rushed. When I see a doctor, I want to trust them and be reassured in their opinion, even if the diagnosis isn’t hopeful.” “That day, I left the clinic doubtful and worried,” he continued. “When the x-ray results got back, they showed that there was nothing wrong with my lungs, making me hesitant to believe the doctor’s original diagnosis.” Warkentin agrees with Coulter about the reliance of students on walk-in clinics. “They’re not the best, but they’re convenient,” he said. However, his perception has changed since his last visit. “I now think of them in a negative light, doubting both the professionalism of the doctors and the medical attention given there. Since that incident, I haven’t been back to a walk-in clinic.”

×× LyDiA FU

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FEATURES

Features Editor ×

NATALIE CORBO

× s p e c i a l f e at u r e s . c a p c o u r i e r @ g m a i l . c o m

electing to watch the elections Carlos Javier × Writer have the opportunity to get elected to the House of Representatives, to the Senate, or the Presidency. In comparison, the Canadian system gives the people only one entry point, allowing elections to the House of Commons. “I think it’s important from that perspective, that observing American politics can help us, in the first place, criticize our own system in light of what the Americans do, as well as enjoy and celebrate, those elements of our system that set us off from the Americans and make us in a sense, look better,” says Schouls.

Be it minuscule or dramatic, any political change in the United States has the potential to have a wide range of effects in Canada, and elicit an interesting variety of reactions. Pierre Trudeau may have characterized the relationship best: “Living next to you is in some ways like sleeping with an elephant. No matter how friendly and even-tempered is the beast, if I can call it that, one is affected by every twitch and grunt.” With the American political climate currently verging on outrageous, and with right-wing extremism focused around a particular fast food chain, the world has been paying attention. After Nov. 6, the Oval Office will house either returning Democrat Barack Obama, or Republican candidate and former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney. The first debate is out of the way, with Romney delivering a commanding performance, attacking Obama for doubling the deficit despite his promise of halving it. Canadians will likely be even more captivated by the spectacle in the coming weeks, particularly since Obama’s own camp admitted defeat in the first debate, which was labelled as a disaster for the president.

How to make it in America

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Why Canadians care

The Un i t e d St a t e s’ electoral process and live results are broadcast throughout the world, via American networks and the Internet, to tens of millions of viewers. According to Capilano political studies professor Dr. Tim Schouls, Canadians should definitely be paying attention to American politics “for a couple of reasons - one is, the United States’ system is quite different from ours; if Canadians want to understand both our own system, and the United States’ system, it’s good to observe what happens in the United States, and compare what happens there, and what happens in Canada.” Dr. Ramjee Parajulee, also a Capilano political studies professor, agrees. “I think it’s very important … the political changes in the United States have a significant impact with how we interact with the country. Consider, I think more than 80 per cent of our trade is with the United States, we have a good relationship with them. We can continue to maintain this kind of relationship and get the economic benefit out of it.” Economy is amongst the strongest pillars that hold the Canadian-American relationship. According to data from the U.S. Embassy in Canada, trade between the two countries amounts to about $1.6 billion, per day. Their website also reports that about 300,000 people traverse the Canadian-American border on a daily basis, proving the incredible importance of the economic relations of Canada and the United States. “It’s important for us because they’re our largest trading partner and we’ve always worked very closely in terms of national security. But the most important aspect is the economic

US versus Them

ramfication; a strong U.S. economy is good for us, as they’re able to buy the goods we’re able to produce,” shares Capilano student Matthew Dyck. The relationship also encompasses other aspects of politics - the Canadian U.S. embassy website states that the U.S.-Canada defense agreement is more comprehensive than any other two allied countries.

“In the Canadian system it is possible for men and women of relatively modest means to be able to run in a campaign and do well,” says Schouls. “In the American case, I think the electoral politics is a rich man and woman’s game, and facilitates often the interest of those who have a lot of money to provide in campaigns, whereas in the Canadian case our members of parliament or prospective members of parliament can do much better.” Also, the presence of opportunities and input from the public are distinct between the two nations. With the American system, individuals

One of the most captivating parts of any electoral process is the campaigning. Candidates tour their respective country and do what politicians do: promise. However, despite the excitement born out of campaigns, much of it also draws out negativity, and facts to frown upon. The American electoral process has increasingly become more and more expensive; money is becoming a bigger factor to every campaign. By the end of this year’s elections, BBC News estimates that the whole process between Democrat Barack Obama and Republican Mitt Romney will have totalled about $5.8 billion. “There are certain things that we can probably learn from the American political process,” says Parajulee. “One of the things we don’t want here is the dominance of money in the electoral process in the United States. A lot of money is spent, [and] individuals and groups associated and affiliated with a candidate can spend as much money as they want for the candidate. The candidate himself or herself can’t spend an unlimited amount of money, but those who are supporting the candidate can spend a lot of money, so that sort of opened the door for wealthy individuals to impact political causes.” One of the big players in recent American elections is a new type of Political Action Committee known as Super PAC, which have only been made possible since a 2010 Supreme Court decision. These independent expenditure-only committees can contribute only indirectly to a candidate, by funding their campaign with support ads, or they can run strong ads against the opponent. Super PACs also possess abundant resources from often-anonymous donations. Furthermore, according to the L.A. Times, 126 Super PACs have spent a grand total of $269.9 million this year, with 79 per cent of that funding used to oppose a candidate. Given their huge spending power and lack of precedent in previous elections, Super PACs have been

considered the wild card in this year’s election. Support from big name celebrities has also been also been a constant in this year’s U.S. elections. Recently, actress Scarlett Johansson spoke at the Democratic National Convention and actor/ director Clint Eastwood spoke at the Republican National Conventions, with Eastwood garnering national attention for his unorthodox speech. Another notable celebrity endorsement is the Jay-Z and Beyoncé-led fundraiser for Obama. The couple hosted a fundraiser at Jay-Z’s 40/40 club in Manhattan, with tickets that went for $40,000, per head. “I think it’s an outrage, that what effectively happens in the United States’ system is that only those who are well-connected to the corporate world, who are well-connected in terms of media, and who have standing and are perceived to be individuals who can facilitate the agendas of either the corporate world or well-positioned interest groups – those are the ones that get the most attention. In addition, the individuals who run in the American election campaigns are typically very, very rich,” explains Schouls.

What if Romney wins?

× KAtie So

Obama’s Canada

The Healthcare Issue

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As the election date approaches, and the debates begin, Obama seems to have the upper hand in advance polling numbers. Prior to the first national debate, consensus polls showed Obama ahead at 49 per cent, compared to Romney’s 45 per cent. However, the consensus following the first debate suggested that Romney won big. This should come as a huge surprise to most Americans, as just before the first presidential debate, Pew Research Center gathered data which revealed that 89 per cent of the Democrats are confident that Obama would win his debate, while 64 per cent of the Republicans believed that Romney would gain the upper hand. While the debates are important, they don’t necessarily dictate who will win the presidential elections. Now that Obama has lost the first debate, it’s anyone’s game, and Canadians will be watching almost as closely as Americans.

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One of the most debated issues in today’s American politics is healthcare. Obama signed a bill that permitted the process of creating a national, yet not government controlled, healthcare system. This will emphasize on patient protection, such as granting coverage for patients with pre-existing conditions. Romney, on the other hand, is not as strong a supporter of a national healthcare system. His proposals encourage people to purchase their respective health insurance, and while campaigning back in 2011, he mentioned his desires of getting rid of Obamacare. “I think that the Americans and Canadians are

so ideologically divided on this question … The publicly funded nature of our system cuts against the grain of the American approach to healthcare. Secondly, the Americans will see a lot of inefficiencies in our healthcare system, that do not exist when you have a system that is more privately funded,” says Schouls.

Unlike Romney, Barack Obama remains incredibly popular amongst Canadians, with some saying they would even prefer him as the Canadian Prime Minister, if that were possible. But as the president of the United States, how has Barack Obama performed with regards to Canada? Schouls believes that with Obama in power, the Canadian-U.S. relationship has been “relatively healthy,” while being “dynamic and creative overall.” Granted, Obama has had to focus on more domestic issues during his time in office. He inherited a mess and started with high expectations. He’s had to deal with the economic crash of 2008, the recession that ensued, conspiracies and accusations about his birth, and the operation that led to the elimination of infamous terrorist Osama Bin Laden. “My sense is Obama has been far more diplomatic in his approach, and more inclined to leave his allies relatively independent,” adds Schouls. Parajulee also details Obama’s early intentions with Canada, and how it changed. “In the beginning though, there was some nervousness on what would happen when Obama came to power. For example, we earn a lot of revenue by selling oil to the United States and a lot of countries - I think a lot of it goes to the United States, because we are the number one supplier of oil to the United States … In the beginning when

he was a candidate he said, ‘we don’t want dirty oil produced from all over the tar sands,’ but he had toned it down after he was elected to office.” Throughout his time in office, Obama has been flexible with his interests in Canada’s resources, and he’s been willing to accommodate some of his desires to attain access to Canadian resources with persisting interests concerning the environment. Capilano student Michael Eng gives his thought if he had the chance to vote: “Obama, definitely, he connects with average Americans and he wants to improve the lives of the lower and middle class.” In regards to the entire world, Obama supports a plan to legalize illegal immigrants in the United States, as well as help educate immigrants in the English language. Obama also withdrew U.S. forces out of Iraq in 2011, and plans to hand over military power to the Afghani forces, allowing the United States to take on a more advisory role.

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Noted for being a rich Republican, Mitt Romney is not nearly as popular to Canadians as Obama is. In a research published by Harris/Decima it was revealed that, given the chance, 68 per cent of Canadians would vote for Obama, and only 10 per cent would vote for Romney. In another report, this time by Yahoo! News, in comparison with incumbent Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper, it was reported that 65 per cent of Canadians would vote for Obama, while 35 per cent would vote for Harper. Despite Obama’s overwhelming Canadian popularity relative to Romney’s, as a country we can’t do much besides watch closely, and prepare for the impact a Romney victory would have on Canada and the rest of the world. “He obviously represents the conservative ideology in the United States … [meaning] that they want to present themselves as the powerful country in the world, which means dictating the course of action,” says Parajulee. “There may be a tendency to project a very strong image of the United States in a way that may force countries to behave differently. For Canada though, because we have a conservative government here, if the conservative government comes to power in the United States, they may have a very close relationship, so it may be beneficial based on the nature of political parties.” Despite that potential political alignment, Romney has also been criticized for supporting right-wing extremists that simply don’t have the same sort of accepted presence in Canada. Romney endorsed Steve King for congress, a man who made statements discriminating against gay people and immigrants, which was met with public backlash, particularly given the rising number of radical right-wingers and hate groups in America. Aggressive seems to be the most fitting word in describing what possible effect Mitt Romney will have, on Canada and on a global scale. “It’s hard to know, I suspect that we will see a more aggressive president on the economic file. He will probably be more aggressive in his desire, for example, to secure access to Canadian resources, to oil, in ways that perhaps Obama is not,” suggests Schouls. “I suspect that Mitt Romney will be more aggressive, perhaps more aggressive on the foreign policy file as well. If he’s going to be more active and engaged in terms of advancing American interests internationally, he may be more active in his desires to line up his allies in support of his initiatives.” Furthermore, Romney has position himself to "turn off the magnets like tuition breaks or other breaks that draw people into [the U.S.] illegally," adds Schouls.

arts

arts Editor ×

Celina kurz × a r t s @ c a p i l a n o c o u r i e r . c o m

SCOTT GOES TO THE MOVIES Courier Employee gets his popcorn on Scott Moraes ×Humour and Fiction Editor Well-known for its showcase of Canadian features and shorts, documentaries and East Asian films, VIFF is a great place to be if you're tired of blockbusters, lost footage films, or Disney re-releases. It's also a great place to be if you love overblown film critic blabber or people who lament being

able to see “only 25 movies this week.” The Vancouver International Film Festival is one of the largest film festivals in North America, and is mostly attended by the general public, as opposed to high-profile fests like the invitation-only Cannes film festival. Although a

lot of guests and filmmakers are invited and there are plenty of post-show Q&A's, you probably won't see a lot of stars - which is a good thing, because the movies are way more interesting when you're not distracted or star-struck. The fact that people are packing theatres at any

time on any given day to see films from all over the world is indeed cause for great excitement. The festival will end on Oct. 12, and won't be back until next year. Here are some of this year's films, and why you might or might not want to watch them:

RUST AND BONE

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France. Directed by Jacques Audiard.

Jacques Audiard is one of the best new directors from francophone Europe who, like Laurent Cantet, Arnaud Desplechin and the Dardenne Brothers has been consistently putting out powerful character-driven dramas of top notch quality. Since the turn of the century, Audiard has directed the excellent Read My Lips (2002), My Heart Skipped a Beat (2005) and 2009's Cannes Grand Prix-winning prison epic The Prophet. Rust and Bone is another excellent movie, and just like The Prophet, it is pretty visceral at times. Marion Cotillard's character, a whale trailer, loses both her legs after a work-related accident. She then tries to create a connection with an unemployed single dad (Matthias Schoenaerts) who is used to casual sex and walks a thin line between tenderness and anger. The acting is worthy of all the praise it's been getting. It would be so easy to take the performance overboard by being too hysterical or too pouty, but Cotillard is so balanced you can feel both the character's crushing pain and the will to move on. Schoenaerts is also very convincing. Plus, Alexandre Desplat's score is, as usual, right on the money.

MOVING DAY Canada. Directed by Mike Clattenburg. × DAVE MCANSH

TABU Portugal. Directed by Miguel Gomes. The best thing about festival circuits is that you get to see films that would never get distributed to mainstream theatres. Tabu, beautifully shot in black and white and on a classy 4:3 aspect ratio, started as just my kind of festival movie but in the end it bored me half to death. Whenever I read “film-critic-turned-director”, I predict mind-numbing pretentiousness. I have an enduring issue with art-house cinema: Some filmmakers try way too hard to “reinvent the language of film” or some such vainglorious thing. They boast of their artistry, but the entertainment value of their work almost invariably suffers.

The plot of Tabu itself is not all bad, but it drags on with little excitement. The first half of the film takes place in modern-day Lisbon, and follows the not-so-interesting but slightly humorous lives of a few women, including a senile old lady called Aurora. Then, for the second half, on Aurora's deathbed, we are transported to her youth and the story of her love triangle in colonial Africa. The cinematography is nothing but eye-candy from beginning to end, but one hour of uninterrupted and monotone narration is just more sleep-inducing than mind boggling.

Moving Day is a good example of something Canadian cinema has neglected to exploit for a long time: pathetic lives in pathetic little towns can be quite funny. Here, director Mike Clattenburg (creator of Trailer Park Boys) focuses on the odd staff of a furniture and moving company in Dartmouth, Nova Scotia. Will Sasso, who looks like James Gandolfini's little brother, plays the protagonist Clyde, who actually dreams of making $16 an hour in a union traffic control job for the city (East Coast pathetic = funny elsewhere). If not for the competent cast, this would be another half-baked Canadian effort, but the performances actually turn a rather pedestrian script into an above-average comedy. The tight-budget awkwardness has some charm, but the overall feeling is still afternoon-TV-movie-ish. This film is not going to change your life or win any awards, but it does prove that Canadian comedies are not all hopelessly flat. Best line: “Go put a hickey on the crack of a monkey's ass.”

Let's Talk about SAX Presentation House brings jazz to north shore Celina Kurz × Arts Editor

×× Mustaalli raj It’s rare to find spaces where really experimental music can be performed, particularly in a city where rent is infamously high and the arts are notoriously underfunded. However, Capilano University students don’t actually need to look far - almost every Wednesday night at 8 p.m., you can hear a huge variety of exploratory jazz music at North Vancouver’s Presentation House. A musician and professor in the Jazz Studies department at Capilano, Dr. Jared Burrows, along with friend

and colleague Clyde Reed, has curated “well over 130 - something concerts” over the past four years at this local centre. By avoiding the commercial side of the music industry, the organizers strive to create a night where people can come to hear music made strictly for music’s sake. “There’s lots of places you can hear jazz in Vancouver, but they all have to pay the rent and sell drinks and all that kind of stuff,” Burrows explains. “That’s great, but we wanted to have a place where we could make decisions based on art only.” The money for the rental of the space comes out of their pockets, and while they take some money out of what is made at the door to subsidize costs, participating musicians are always paid. Unfortunately, grants are not an option for this kind of endeavour, either. “In order to satisfy the demands of the grant you have to make all these compromises,” Burrows says. “Clyde and I both felt that it’s not productive for us to go in that direction, and we’d rather risk our money than be bothered with a grant. And they don’t exist anyway [for this kind of event].” The inspiration for the creation of this weekly jazz series comes largely from Burrows’ experiences as a student. “Back when I was a student at Cap, [around] 1989 and 1990, there used to be a club called the Glass Slipper, at 11th and Main, and that’s where we spent a lot of our time. Because it was run by musicians, the choices about who

played there were really amazing; it wasn’t made on a commercial basis, the choices were made on an artistic basis.” Eventually the scene at the Glass Slipper contributed to the beginning of Burrows’ professional career, and would lead into his time with Presentation House. “I like [the] idea that there could be a place where students could play and they could feel like they’re part of the scene, because they are part of the scene.” Stefan Thordarson, a student in his fourth year at Capilano University, has performed at the Presentation House several times since it began hosting shows. “I’ve played there like six times, most of them with Jared and Clyde,” he says. “I played with Amoeba [a student group] last week or two weeks ago and it was awesome.” The appreciation that Thordarson has for the space goes beyond just enjoying having a place to play his music. “There’s always a huge variety of awesome music,” he explains. “That’s what kicks ass, ‘cause it’s not just the same thing every night. This thing is always vastly different, like free [improvisation] to standards. And the acoustics in that room are awesome, you really feel connected to the music.” The musicians that Burrows gets to play range from international musicians, to local heavyweights, to promising student groups. Anyone can ask to play there, and he explains that when people ask, “I just put them on a list.” However,

ultimately who plays is his and Reed’s choice. “I don’t have to adhere to the list because I make the rules. It sounds arbitrary, but it just is.” “How it fits in the scene and all that, I don’t know,” Burrows says, emphasizing “the bottom line is that I want it to be a place for me and my friends, and whoever else who is here and wants to play and is interesting.” Burrows cites again the freedom that he gets by not having to worry about money. “The nice thing is that I never have to say to myself, ‘Well, probably only three people will come out to hear Bob,’ whereas if I was running an actual club where I had to sell tickets or drinks I’d have to consider whether Bob or Jane would bring in a certain number of people. We never wanted that to be part of it.” While Burrows has no dreams of expanding the series to anything bigger than it already is, he does hope that the unique music that is happening at Presentation House does reach a wider audience. “It would be nice if some people besides the music students came to check it out. ... I love all the music students, but they must have friends that aren’t music students that would probably like to come to a concert and drink tea and eat cookies,” he explains. “That’s our hope, that it expands to a friendly scene where people can feel really comfortable.” North Vancouver’s Presentation House is located at 333 Chesterfield Avenue

A Barry Inspiring Week Artist in Residence asks: what is an image? Julian Légere × Writer

than entertainment, when it’s working.” Barry also emphasises the importance of discipline in the arts. “I learned how to work, how to meet deadlines,” she says of her education at Evergreen, “so once I graduated, I already knew how to function as a working artist.” Part of that discipline includes the study of artistic theory, she elaborates, an ability to see that “when there’s a pattern in literature, we see it's a pattern in music, in composition, etc.” However, she believes there must also be an understanding that the theory is only valuable in relation to the practical work, as a means of analyses rather than a strict method. “It wasn’t my guide,” Barry says, “it was more like a tool.”

She compliments Capilano for having that same understanding of theory, a rare feat, according to her. “At other universities I've been to, you feel they get if it turned around. The theory becomes the living thing in the classroom.” According to the brilliant and charming Lynda Barry, Capilano arts has a lot to be proud of. “I just wish I could hang out for another week,” she concludes, “but tell everyone that their American Auntie Lynda says hi.”

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× volume

× CELINA KURZ

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“Every year it's going to be a surprise, every year it's going to be different,” says Jennifer Moore, Capilano’s Dean of Fine and Applied Arts. “Every year we're going to learn something different about the world.” The new Dorothy Jantzen Artist in Residence Program, made possible by a donation by former Dean of Fine and Applied Arts Dorothy Jantzen, kicked off with a bang with cartoonist, author, and playwright Lynda Barry spreading her wit and wisdom at Capilano University from Sept. 24-28. Moore wants Capilano students to see these resident artists as examples of what it looks like to have a successful career in the arts, and thus be able to mirror that success once they graduate. “They’re going to land on their feet when they go out in the world and start doing what it is that they love to do.” Her hope is that by producing talented, disciplined, successful artists, Capilano University will become a model for artistic education: “I'm really wanting the community at-large to understand that Cap's Fine and Applied Arts programs are really good, are really strong. Our students are doing fantastic work, we have great faculty.” Lynda Barry, Capilano’s first Artist in Residence, received her B.A. from Evergreen Stage College in Olympia Washington, which she affectionately describes as a “hippie college.” Her first foray into cartooning was in the campus newspaper, under editor-in-chief Matt Groening, most widely known as creator of The Simpsons and Futurama. From there, she broke into the cartooning scene with Ernie Pook’s Comeek, which was widely published in alternative papers, including Vancouver’s own Georgia Straight.

Since then, her career has taken her into a variety of disciplines. Her 1999 novel, The Good Times are Killing Me, won the Washington State Governor’s Award, and she later adapted it into a musical that ran off-Broadway. Barry also teaches at the University of Wisconsin, and tours with her writing/arts workshop “Writing the Unthinkable.” Furthermore, she won a Will Eisner Comic Industry Award in 2009 for her graphic memoir/ arts instructional book What It Is, and published a companion to it, Picture This, in 2010. The diversity of Barry’s career makes her an ideal Resident because Capilano’s arts programs are just as diverse. In her lectures, and her books, she talks about the central question that she says has guided her career, one that she learned from Marilyn Frasca, a professor at Evergreen College who she describes as an enormous influence on her entire life as an artist. That question is: what is an image? Describing it in her book, What It Is, Barry says, “It’s not alive in the way you and I are alive, but it’s certainly not dead.” Understanding image, according to Barry, creates an understanding of how all art works. “Once you understand how writing works, or drawing, or composing a piece of music, those skills are transferable,” she explains. She compliments Capilano’s arts programs for teaching that universality of art. “Evergreen really pushed that. I've never seen a campus that's closer to pushing that than this place, which has a similar understanding that there's sort of a DNA of art.” The idea of DNA crosses over into Barry’s current project, working with geneticists at the University of Wisconsin to discover the biological function of art. “There has to be one,” she insists. “Why else would humans have carried it through all our thousands of years of evolution?” Her theory is that art is needed for emotional healing. “The role of the arts is something more akin to medicine

arts

arts Editor ×

Celina kurz × a r t s @ c a p i l a n o c o u r i e r . c o m

REVIEWS! Do you want what I have got? A Craigslist Cantata NSCU CENTRE FOR PERFORMING ARTS Celina Kurz If you are a fan of laughing your pants off and then suddenly realizing the tragedy that is contained within all comedy, this is the musical for you. This one-act, written by Veda Hille and Bill Richardson, takes actual posts from Craigslist, mixes them with original words, and puts it all to music. What results is a work that aligns an offbeat hilarity with the deep poignancy of humanity’s search for meaning and connection. The play has only four main singer-actors: Selina Martin, Bree Grieg, Dmitry Martin, and J. Cameron Barnett, with Hille herself on piano adding vocals, as well as drummer Barry Mirochnik. The singing and acting throughout was superb, with each of the actors taking on distinct roles, despite the lack of creating concrete staged characters. The subjects of the songs themselves ranged from personals - “Bus Boyfriend” and “Chili Eating Buddy” - to bizarre object giveaways - “Irregular Hats for Cats” and “300 Stuffed Penguins” to odd requests - “I will pay you $1 to sit in my bathtub full of noodles.” And while the humour in the songs can’t be denied - the actors sing the lines with impeccable comedic timing - the genius of the piece lies in the moments where it jumps from “Justin Bieber, I would totally do you!” to “Do you feel empty or lonely?” Do You Want What I Have Got? A Craigslist Cantata is running until Nov. 3 at various venues in the Lower Mainland. Artsclub.com for more details.

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ED SHEERAN Queen Elizabeth THEATRE Samantha Thompson

Keeping control of a crowd is difficult, especially when you’re the teenage heartthrob that Ed Sheeran has become. Yet the British singer did it, and Creating his own back-up track on stage with a looping machine, Sheeran commanded the stage and demonstrated that he is an artist in the purest form – someone who knows how to, and enjoys, making music. He kept up the witty banter for the entire set, particularly after more emotionheavy songs like “Small Bump”, and told plenty of stories, which created a more intimate setting even in a larger venue. One of the most memorable moments was for his penultimate song, “The Parting Glass”, during which he commanded complete silence and had all of the lights turned off. Singing without a microphone, his voice rang through the theatre and the audience just… listened. The emotional farewell perfectly captured the beautiful evening. He gave his loyal fan base a show that they will remember for a long time.

BEACH HOUSE Commodore Ballroom JJ Brewis

PATRICK WOLF the Rio Theatre JJ Brewis

Bloc Party the Vogue Gurpreet Kambo

The Commodore Ballroom reached new levels of heat during self-described “dream pop” group Beach House’s sold out performance on Oct. 1 - quite literally. “How are you doing out there, Vancouver? Are you dying of heat exhaustion?” asked Victoria Legrand, the group’s wild-haired French vocalist. To be fair, the entire crowd appeared to be in dynamic pain from the temperature, contrasted with unbridled joy at seeing the band’s first Vancouver appearance since the release of their newest album Bloom. Guitarist Alex Scally and a touring drummer rounded out the group for the night, delivering an impressively tight and full sound given the circumstances. The group may not be the most engaging outfit to watch for an hour and a half, but their understated light show gave a bit of oomph to the performance that included old favourites like the heart-wrenching “Norway”, to new tracks like the upstanding “Myth”. Despite a lack of on-stage antics (and, yes, the catastrophic heat situation), the Baltimore outfit performed with an intense amount of musical control and emotional depth. A slight touch of humour hit Legrand near the end of the set, asking the crowd, “Why are you only shouting my name? Alex has hair too!”

“I know you could be at Madonna right now, so thanks for being here,” Patrick Wolf cheerfully told those in attendance at his performance at Vancouver’s Rio Theatre. On the evening of countless other acts in town, from Bloc Party to The Weeknd, Wolf ’s humble nature was a hit with the crowd. Previewing material from his upcoming double album Sundark and Riverlight among favourites from his impressive catalogue, Wolf, accompanied only by one backing musician, shone as brightly in this mostly acoustic set as his songs themselves. Though known for his wild genre-mixing tunes that dabble in baroque, electronica, and indie pop, this strippeddown performance was a bright, re l a xe d look into his stunning vocals and sharp lyricism as a magnification of his artistry. Wolf ’s tunes are generally fairly campy, but in this venue his relaxed nature brought forth a new freshness to old favourites like “The Magic Position” and “Tristan”. Backlit only by a black and white projection of looping video clips, the tone of the evening was dramatic and eerie, paired well with Wolf ’s sombre undertones and eclectic instrumentations, from a harp to a guest bassoonist.

While they could conceivably be called a one-hit wonder in North America (“Banquet” from their first album Silent Alarm), Bloc Party is one of several bands still kickin’ around from the early 2000s post-punk revival, a movement that caused the pundits to declare that “rock was saved” (hah!). Though Bloc Party was always a band I wanted to listen to, based on my appreciation of danceinfluenced rock music and the fabulousness of Banquet, a decade or so later, it was still the only song I knew. When the concert began, I was hoping that the band’s show wouldn’t be overshadowed by the lead singer’s fantastic Marvin the Martian shirt, but it only served to enhance the proceedings, which consisted of a delicious platter of (mostly) danceable guitar rock. My comrade, more familiar with the band’s music than I, informed me that their latest album Four was heavier with more distorted guitars. The band corroborated this with some of their newer songs, one causing me to remark that it sounds like early ‘90s grunge – which isn’t bad per se, but it is bad when you’re going to see a post-punk/ dance-rock group, and bad when Nickelback has never gone away to let us remember that grunge was good once. It made sense that Bloc Party’s most enjoyable stuff was their material from earlier albums. Still a good show. Highlight of the night: “V.A.L.I.S.” The album version is mediocre, but YouTube has a live version that kicks ass.

RUFUS WAINWRIGHT THE Orpheum Samantha Thompson Those in attendance for Rufus Wainwright’s performance evidently had been in this relationship for a long time. The audience was very diverse – in both age and interests – but the lobby was buzzing with excitement before the show began. Wainwright entered the stage to wild applause, wearing a sparkling black suit, a glittery black scarf, a pink V-neck and open-toed shoes. When he began singing, it immediately became apparent why the Orpheum was the venue of choice – the strong acoustics lent themselves well to Wainwright’s strong carrying notes. What was most striking was that his live performance was equally as strong as anything he’d recorded in studio. It is awe-inspiring that one person’s voice can transport its way through so many octaves as Wainwright’s does. He maintained his token charm through the show as he swung his head back and forth and smiled out at the audience. Between songs he shared many stories about his family, and a few off-the-cuff remarks, at one point reminiscing about the time he opened for Tori Amos. “Whatever happened to her?” he asked, to much laughter. When the time came for “Hallelujah”, it honestly felt as though the world stopped. Wainwright truly is in a league all of his own.

× Shannon Elliott

MASTER CLASS Granville Island Stage Samantha Thompson Inspired by Maria Callas, this is definitely a play for people who love opera and the arts. The acting is fantastic – it takes incredible stamina to essentially perform a monologue for the duration of two hours, which Gina Chiarelli (playing Callas) does with incredible grace and strength. The plot is more serious than some of the Arts Club’s recent productions, but was a good choice nonetheless. Master Class is heavily biographical, but the most sombre aspects of it are not Callas’ life specifically, but rather the sacrifices she made for her art. Chiarelli’s character frequently breaks the fourth wall, reflecting on her life as her students try to impress her with their performances in her master class. Although Chiarelli’s monologues are memorable, it is the subtle humour from her supporting actors that bring welcome relief from the emotionally-intense script. Through it all, Master Class reminds us that art is not an easy career choice, and that sometimes we have to sacrifice everything for the sake of our passions. Master Class runs until Oct. 27th. Visit Artsclub.com for details.

Alanis Morissette the Centre for Performing Arts JJ Brewis For those looking for the ultimate nostalgic throwback experience, an Alanis Morissette concert may be your mecca. Delivering a generous eight of the 12 tracks off Jagged Little Pill (the 13th best-selling album of all time, at 33 million copies, for the record), Morissette finds her biggest crowd pops with these monumental cultural hits. Even 16 years later, “You Oughta Know” sounds just as passionately enraged, and “Ironic” is sang at maximum capacity by the entire audience. Her all-acoustic encore was the ultimate cool down for her two hour set: a miniature hit-fest that left her crowd with a stripped-down re-worked version of “Thank U”. The Morissette of today is not a far cry from her 21-year-old self: hair swinging like a chaotic tornado, songs filled with harmonica solos. But the newer tunes are not left behind: unlike many of her ‘90s peers, Alanis has continued to be prolific a good 20 years into her career, now continuing into marriage and motherhood. The new material may not be as culturally poignant, but the songs are good with updated urgency: “Lens”, off this year’s Havoc and Bright Lights was a mature emotional vantage point that offers an alternative to Pill’s youth and fury.

× Letter from the editor ×

On Quitting Leah Scheitel × Opinions Editor I’ve been trying to quit my day job. I say trying because I gave them my two weeks’ notice four weeks ago, and I’m still there, selling overpriced sweaters and snowboard socks with little care. When greeting customers into the shop and asking them how their day is going, there is so much sarcasm in my voice that my manager has to tell me to “check myself before I wreck myself ” every time. His lecture only worsens my mood and compresses more bitterness into my wretched attitude. On Thursdays, my boss religiously asks if I want to be on the schedule for the next week, to which I stammer out some weak excuse for wanting to quit. He looks at me, with these pitiful pleading eyes and says, “So I can put you on for Monday?” That’s it. That’s all he has to say, and I cower away from my convictions, and work another week, seething at my inability to quit. It’s the amount of guilt I feel that keeps me there. I should be able to not only do this job, but excel at it. It used to be an easy and fun work environment, and the job itself hasn’t changed. My attitude towards it has, but the shame of admitting that it’s my problem is what makes me go back in every Monday morning. Quitting has a negative stigma engraved into it. If you are quitting anything other than a bad habit, such as smoking or drinking, you are deemed a loser, a failure, and that you’ve given up. People stay in bad relationships, horrible jobs, and expensive cell phone contracts, all because of the guilt of leaving something behind. Once, I dated a guy with erectile dysfunction for three months, and he broke up with me, all because I was too

ashamed of quitting this sex-less and embarrassing relationship. So what is with the guilt? Why is there so much shame attached to quitting something that we shy away from it, opting to stay in bad scenarios in lieu of what we really want? To hell with the shame! Instead of berating quitters for failing to continue a job, we should celebrate them. It takes a large amount of awareness and courage to look at any situation, realize that cons outweigh the benefits of it, and have the audacity to walk away. There is nothing wrong with recognizing that something isn’t working for you, and being proactive about it. Sometimes that proactive action is quitting. Insert cliché: life is too short for that shit. Quitting is a release from obligation, charge, or duty. Basically, it means you’re free of something. With this definition, quitting should be seen as positive change, like you’re independent of one obligation, allowing time to focus on something new. I want to be clear about one thing: I’m not saying to drop a class because the guy next to you has moldy fish stench attached to him, or to delete your Plenty of Fish profile because the one date you had couldn’t stop praising Ayn Rand. We all have to endure hardships, as they make for funny stories and strengthen our ability to relate to things. But if that bad day at work turns into a bad month, it may be time to re-evaluate. Everything in life is ever-changing: morals morph, shit stirs and attitudes alter. Sometimes we have to re-adjust our life’s components to shift our morals, interests, financial capabilities, or time allowances. Quitting can be a positive change in someone’s life, giving them an oh-so-gentle kick in the ass to

pursue what they really want to do, or to realize that sometimes being single actually rocks. I wrote this editorial as a pep talk for myself, as I have to go to my horrible day job tomorrow, and hopefully this week will be the last. I’d rather quit with my pride still intact than to stay for the money and wither away at a job that both my higher ups and I know I have the ability to do better at. My time is worth more than being miserable for minimum wage. And really, it’s kind of pathetic to stay when everyone knows that I hate it. It doesn’t matter what you do with life, so long as you do it with conviction. So tomorrow, I shall officially quit this job at last, and I will use all you beautiful quitters out there as my role models.

GET A JOB the capilano courier is hiring writers, illustrators and photographers.

phone: 604.984.4949 email: editor@capilanocourier.com

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think you can bring it? and bring it on, again? bring it on: in it to win it?

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46 issue N o . 04

OPINIONS

Opinions Editor ×

Leah Scheitel

× opinions@capilanocourier.com

Trampires Don't Exist Kristen Stewart versus the double standard of infidelity Leah Scheitel × Opinions Editor

The day the earth stood still: K-Stew cheats on R-Patz! On July 24, news stormed the Internet that Twilight star, Kirsten Stewart, or “K-stew” as familiarized by the public, was outed for smooching her Snow White and the Huntsman director Rupert Sanders, while still in a relationship with Robert Pattinson (herein to be addressed in equal fashion as “R-Patz”), by means of paparazzi photos. The media frenzy that this affair triggered was mind-blowing, with the media, general public, and fellow celeb stars like Will Ferrell and Bruce Willis chiming in about their split. Everyone seemed to have something to say about their relationship, and this time, everyone was on Team Edward. It seemed nobody could get enough of the story and neither could the public. The amount of attention that K-Stew and R-Patz suffered was alarming considering infidelity happens every day (maybe even twice a day in Hollywood). More alarming was the amount of scorn and hatred for K-Stew as the cheater, the one who shattered the dream relationship of every Twi-hard across America. Enter the double standard. In 2005, Brad Pitt was TMZ’s wet dream,

when he cheated on wife Jennifer Aniston with Angelina Jolie. He committed adultery, broke his vows, destroyed their marriage, yet never met the wrath of the media, instead continuing his highly successful Hollywood career. Arnold Schwarzenegger had a 10-year affair with his maid, Mildred Baenea. Baenea had Arnie’s child out of wedlock, who Schwarzenegger finically supported for years, unbeknownst to his wife, Maria Shriver. Interestingly, Arnold was the Governor of California at the time this information surfaced. Even Bill Clinton, who was the President of the United States when he had “sexual relations” with 22-year-old intern Monica Lewinsky received less public scrutiny than K-Stew’s kissing. He barely got a slap on the wrist for it, professionally speaking. Not only did K-Stew get cut from the sequel of Snow White and the Huntsman, the Huffington Post reported that the sequel is being rewritten without the Snow White character in it, and will focus mainly on the Huntsman. “You know things have gotten bad when the studio doesn't just fire you from a film; they're so afraid of being associated with your scandal that they're firing your entire character,” wrote Nico Lang on Huffingtonpost.com. The public’s infatuation with the Kristen Stewart story is overwhelming. Even comedian Will Ferrell has something to say about it: “They were

in love and she just threw it all away,” Ferrell cried on Conan, “I don’t know what this means for the Twilight franchise!” So the message is: men cheat, they can continue to rule the world. A 22-year-old girl cheats, and she is deemed a slut, floozy, and, worst of all, coined a “trampire.” Where is the scorn and ridicule for her accomplice in adultery, Rupert Sanders? His infidelity should raise more eyebrows, as he had a wife, kids, and was making out with his employee, who was 20 years his junior. As a society, we should be focusing on less trivial issues that actually concern society on the whole. Who an actress or director chooses to sleep with isn’t really our issue, and the private lives of others should be their concern, whether they choose to be monogamous or not. While it may be lonesome on Team Bella right now, K-Stew does still have some allies. Her former Panic Room co-star, Jodie Foster, has said: “Actors who become celebrities are supposed to be grateful for the public interest. After all, they're getting paid. Just to set the record straight, a salary for a given on-screen performance does not include the right to invade anyone's privacy, to destroy someone's sense of self." Ask Jennifer Aniston: cheating is betrayal and can destroys relationships. But if K-Stew and R-Patz’s frail relationship has any chance of resurrection, the public needs to stop treating her

like a slut, and more like any 22-year-old woman with real flaws, making mistakes that are only made harder when magnified by society’s judgment. Whether their kindled romance survives or they break up again in two months, the real lesson here is that we all just need to mind our own goddamn business.

×× Stefan Tosheff

ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR Polaris Prize becomes a bore JJ Brewis

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× Editor-in-Chief

The Canadian music landscape is one of the more unique scenes in the world of music, given that an artist can be a major name nationally, but even south of the border remain completely unknown. In terms of creating necessary recognition for some of Canada’s more thoughtful and inspired local talents, an initiative emerged in 2006, known as the Polaris Music Prize. The original goal of the prize was to award the “best full-length Canadian album based on artistic merit, regardless of genre, sales, or record label.” A cash prize of $30,000 and bragging rights are reserved for one single album each year, chosen from a list of 50 nominees. Annually, a selection of folks within the Canadian music industry are given the task to reward this prize. Jurors are selected among the journalists, industry professionals, and artists, who in turn select a short list of ten albums from the long list of 50, from which one winner is selected. Last month, Amherst, Nova Scotia’s Leslie Feist was awarded the seventh annual Polaris Music Prize. Her third disc, Metals, was an undoubted comeback after a public absence for the past halfdecade. The indie darling was a big hit when her 2007 crossover The Reminder spawned top 10 hits “1234” and “I Feel It All”, giving her mass critical acclaim and international fandom. But her 2011 comeback album, though still a hit, failed to register as anything new or exciting, essentially giving a repeat performance of her earlier material. Should Feist be awarded with the number one spot in terms of merit-based artistry for Metals? Probably not. Arguably, she shouldn’t have even won back when The Reminder was a cultural milestone for both herself and Canada (the album was

nominated in 2007, but lost to the equally dull Patrick Watson). Feist simply does not need the acclaim, nor does she need the cash prize, which could easily put to good use of promoting and enhancing a lesser-known and more invigorating artist’s career. But the fact that she’s ultimately boring is an aside, truth be told, Feist isn’t creating the most innovative or progressive music today. Canada has been booming with musical talent for years. The early 2000s renaissance of indie stars ranging from The New Pornographers to Tegan and Sara to Death From Above 1979 was a huge time for Canadian music, which led way to big releases from contemporary stars like Crystal Castles and Austra. But big names aside, the prize should stick to honouring great music regardless of the status of the artist releasing it. Take for example the inaugural Polaris winner, 2006’s He Poos Clouds by Final Fantasy. Fantasy, now known by his birth name Owen Pallett, carries a distinct uniqueness that separated Clouds from the rest of the year’s nominees, beating out bigger names but ultimately more generic releases from artists like Metric and Broken Social Scene. But while those artists were certainly more buzzworthy, the records themselves were not as much of a sonic rebirth as the winner. When Arcade Fire won the Grammy for Album of the Year in 2011, it would have seemed like an insult to not give them the much “lesser” prize such as the Polaris. Indeed, they went on to win that as well. But despite the greatness of the record and the band behind it, the chance to give the Polaris to another artist would have been a great opportunity to recognize musicians that would have benefited from the honour: a few prime selections being Caribou, and Fucked Up, two lesser known but equally interesting artists who have this title

to their name. Just because Suburbs won the Best Album Grammy doesn’t mean it should be deemed to win every prize it’s eligible for. (Interestingly, Suburbs lost Best Alternative Album at the Grammys the same year, to the Black Keys.) Polaris 2012 Juror and Maclean’s copy editor Michael Barclay admits that a winner is never unanimous. “Polaris has never pleased everyone, and never will. In many ways, the actual winner is a sideshow to the whole event,” Barclay says, adding, “I, for one, have only agreed on two of the past winners so far. Picking the number one is never a unanimous decision. There were jurors this year unhappy with the result, but I don’t think they begrudge it.” Clearly it’s a controversial decision no matter what, though Barclay does laugh it off saying, “What is this, Sophie’s Choice? It’s just music, people.” It is not fair to say that a popular or successful artist cannot be awarded with a prize of merit. Certainly artists who are popular and successful are generally in their league for a good reason (aside from the odd Nickelback or Smash Mouth, but hey, who’s counting?) It does, however, seem pointless to unnecessarily reward the same piece of art repeatedly, crowning award after award to the same work. Where Suburbs was an undisputed triumph, you would think that a Grammy (and a Juno and a BRIT Award) would be enough, and the Polaris committee would use their opportunity to reward any other album out of the 50 on their long list. A similar card could be dealt to Feist. Is there anything bad about her music? Probably not, as it’s innocent and benign enough to create mass appeal. But given the amount of untapped and unrewarded artistry, it’s not fair to say that she’s created the best album of the year. Especially when it wasn’t even the best album of her own career.

AND THE POLARIS GOES TO… Actual nominees we’d have given the honour to over the last few years. 2012 Rich Aucoin – We're All Dying To Live Halifax’s Aucoin combines all the elements of his outrageous live show into the disc: vocoder, intense positivity, and sing-along melodies. It’s the feel-good hit of the year. Try not to dance with the biggest smile on your face listening to this oddball favourite. 2011 Louise Burns – Mellow Drama Former Lillix bassist spins genres into a slightly gloomy yet irresistible pop melee that dances with themes of self-doubt, angst, and contemplation. Starry strings and the odd mandolin may be present. 2010 Owen Pallett – Heartland If Clouds was his break into art-melded concept albums, Heartland is a further foray into the indulgent storytelling, violin virtuoso-hood, and mild intensities encapsulated in bite-sized alternative pop. 2009 Timber Timbre – Self-titled Folk gets a bad rep, and this is a testament to the possibilities of the genre. If you didn’t believe in spooks before listening to this, you will now. Down-trodden vibes cloud the instincts of this Ontario group, who excel on this outing.

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A Case of Overexposure The Royal Jewels on display Charlie Black × Writer

The same is very true of non-pornographic media, porn simply being an unfiltered expression of this ideal. The media can be perhaps blamed for besmirching Catherine and lionizing Harry, but at the end of the day, those tabloids exist because we buy them. We sit back and comment because having an opinion is social currency. We kill boredom with gossip and crucify celebrities with our desire to know more about them. Harry's partying ways are fodder for entertainment. Catherine's media woes give us polarizing issues to argue: whether or not the media goes too far, or if the Royals should be as publicized as they are. The media machine is hungry because we seemingly cannot be satisfied with real life.

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is not allowed to be nude in private without being photographed and subsequently treated like some sort of strumpet. Is this an issue of how sexualized men and women's bodies are? Royals versus commoners? Those born into the spotlight versus those who must adjust to its glare? The photographer snapping shots of Catherine for sale to tabloids, and further threatening to release "more intimate" images, is doing their job to feed a very-hungry media machine, and in turn receiving heavy condemnation and death threats for the invasion of the Duchess' privacy. Meanwhile, the partier who captured Harry's night in Vegas for the exact same purposes is being "ex-communicated" by the Las Vegas Convention and Visitors Authority: "We shall boycott partying of any kind with them. No bottle service. No bikini-clad girls ... we will not play with them any more," read the full-page ad, printed in the Aug. 24 edition of USA Today; a pointed attack on all who break the cardinal rule of "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas." Both photographers involved have sought and received sanctuary in the media machine and, despite any death threats or Las Vegas-shamings for their invasion of the Royals' privacies, will likely continue in their chosen careers for a long time yet. Media is the ultimate equalizer, and one place we can look to affirm this is in the world of pornography. As Chuck Klosterman mentions in his 2003 book Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs, pornography focuses on two distinct-yetsimilar worlds: amateurs and celebrities. "We want imperfection, and we want heightened reality," writes Klosterman. "What people want to see with nude celebrities is proof that these superstars are not gods. Web surfers are robbing celebrities of their privacy and - in effect - stealing back power."

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People get naked all the time: in the privacy of our homes, in the presence of trusted friends and lovers, sometimes in public, sometimes intoxicated, and sometimes just because. Some even voluntarily step in front of a camera to be naked for an exorbitant amount of money. However, what has utterly enraptured the British Commonwealth and the world at-large are two incidents of members of the Royal Family appearing nude in the tabloids: Prince Harry, third in line for the British throne, and Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge and England's future queen. Prince Harry's saga begins far back, having grown up in the public eye as a young prince. He has since cultivated an austere public image as a military man and established a wild lifestyle in his young adult years. Over this past summer, tabloid magazines around the world published photographs of Harry partying in Las Vegas, and losing at a game of strip poker. Most notable among the tabloids is Rupert Murdoch's infamous British magazine The Sun, going so far as to print a very revealing picture on the front page. Murdoch has since asked people to "give [Harry] a break" via Twitter, insisting that people are interested in the scandal because"[he] may be on the public payroll one way or another, but the public loves him, even to enjoy Las Vegas." Most of the complaints regarding the incident have been directed at The Sun for publishing the photos in such a prominent way. However, Harry has received relatively little public backlash for his antics, being welcomed back into the fold of

Royal life and even being hailed by Las Vegas as a "worthy son" of Sin City, according to the Guardian. To the world, Harry is that friend on Facebook whose stories and photos can equally inspire fist-pumps or face-palms, but we keep him on our friends list to see what happens next. Compare and contrast Catherine, the Queen-in-waiting and bride of England's other Royal son, William. She was born a commoner and had a romance with William that spanned many years before they took part in the Royal Wedding of our generation. Catherine held a very pristine, posh-yet-humble image in the eyes of Britons and the world. Her upholding was a far cry from Harry's partying ways. However, Catherine is being bombarded and lambasted for an incident that took place in what was supposed to be total privacy, away from her duties as the Duchess of Cambridge. Photographs of Catherine sunbathing topless in France on a private rooftop terrace have taken the tabloid world by storm, with the Royal Family rushing to suppress them. Moral guardians around the world are regarding the newest Royal with outrage and scorn most undeserved. Less than 24 hours after receiving an injunction to prevent French tabloids from publicizing the spreads, the Swedish magazine Se och Hör printed them in earnest. Se och Hör's editor-in-chief Carina Loefkvist was unrepentant, going so far as to say, “These are quite nice pictures if you compare with other celebrity pictures that we publish all the time." Here is where we encounter a number of moral problems. While Harry, a Royal-by-blood with an infamous image, is allowed to get buck in Sin City, in a manner intended to be sexual, and is just as easily forgiven by the world, Catherine

OPINIONS

Opinions Editor ×

Leah Scheitel

× opinions@capilanocourier.com

Going Gluten-Free A glutton's guide to the latest dieting trend Ashley Barraclough × Writer

Drop the sandwich and reach for a salad, everyone. A new enemy is making waves in the world of healthy living, and it's known as gluten. Gluten, an elastic protein found in wheat, barley, rye and many flavouring or thickening food additives, is a thorn in the side of many people who have developed an intolerance or allergy, and thus cannot consume it without risking damage to the digestive system. Gluten intolerance - scientifically termed “celiac disease”- affects an estimated one in 133 Canadians, according to a study done in 2007 by the Canadian Celiac Health Survey. It's been gaining social awareness over the past decade, but only recently has gluten-free living been discovered and adopted by people without the allergy, and made its way onto the long list of celebrity dieting trends, with notable advocates such as Bill Clinton, Miley Cyrus, and Gwyneth Paltrow. While some of these celebs are actually coping with celiac disease, others are going gluten-free because of potential health benefits such as weight-loss, increased energy levels, and improvement in the digestive system. It's a well known fact that where Gwyneth Paltrow (possessor of eternal youth and Queen of America) leads, lowly mortals like myself often follow. So I - a connoisseur of pastries, pizzas and all things deep-fried - took it upon myself to adopt a totally gluten-free diet for one week to discover the benefits and challenges of those who live with celiac disease. Armed with the determination to re-invent my past dietary transgressions, I began to research the foods that I would have to give up during my gluten-free experiment. My excitement quickly began to fade as I read through the long list of forbidden foods that included the following

favourites: cereal, cookies, crackers, gravies, pasta, ketchup, soy sauce, pickles, potato chips, cakes and pies, and, the most devastating, beer. Jumping headlong into a gluten-free diet can be daunting for those who are reluctant to alter budgets or eating habits. The accessibility of glutenfree options is also a concern of new dieters; it's a common misconception that gluten-free products are exclusive to health food stores like Whole Foods, when in fact a large variety can be found in local supermarkets. Staples such as quinoa (a rice substitute), glutenfree flour, and gluten-free pasta were reasonably priced and easily located during my preparatory Save-On grocery shop. Creativity was key when finding gluten substitutes and meal combinations, as long as I was mindful of finding replacements that maintained a balanced nutritional diet. I concluded my shopping trip with a bag full of glutenfree goodies and renewed confidence, choosing to ignore my one moment of weakness during which I stood, forlorn and pathetic in the bakery section, listening to Adele's “Someone Like You” as I stared at an apple pie. Many companies, brands, and establishments in the food and drink industry already have a variety of safe options for the gluten intolerant, and those who don't are quickly capitalizing on the growing demand for alternatives. Restaurants often have a wealth of gluten-free choices on their menus and

×× REbecca JOY

are very accommodating of gluten-free requests. As popular companies (and even fast-food restaurants) are evolving to cater to the growing glutenfree population, the diet is becoming progressively easier for those of all ages to adopt and maintain. Dania Macie, a behaviour interventionist and psychiatric nursing student at Stenberg College, has been gluten-free since last January, after struggling with health problems such as nausea, anaemia and poor blood circulation. “Originally it's because I read an article that described how new species or strains of wheat had a protein that people couldn't digest.” Macie, who is also lactose intolerant, manages a balanced diet by being specific about where she buys or orders her food. “I eat a lot of meat, but you have to find gluten-free deli meat, you can't just go in and buy it. Popcorn is my whole grain, for the most part: kettle corn. Don't get overwhelmed at the idea that you won't get carbohydrates, because there's a lot of options out there, and there's websites, like GlutenfreeVancouver.com that have a list of different

restaurants that serve gluten-free food.” As my gluten-free week progressed, I too found it surprisingly simple to maintain nutritional balance while actually enjoying the change in my eating habits. There were so many options available that my diet became less of a struggle and more of an adventure, and I raved to anyone that would listen about how my gluten-free ways were encouraging a new regard for healthy ingredients. It was the cherry on top of the cake when I discovered that the liquor store stocked gluten-free beer, and it tasted like lemons, apples, and sheer glory. Gluten-free newcomers should be advised that, unless they have been diagnosed with celiac disease, it may not be necessary to go totally glutenfree, because gluten is still a beneficial protein to have in the daily diet. Whether you're giving up gluten completely or just trying to cut down on it, don't avoid your favourite foods. Even though you may not end up looking like Gwyneth Paltrow, some creativity and compromise will ensure that you can still chomp the pie, scarf the pizza, and bong the beer. And there's always the added bonus of buying bumper stickers that say, “GFYOURSELF.”

Question: What do you think about gluten-free diet trends?

“I follow the Paleolithic diet which is no gluten. It’s basically based on a hunter-gather lifestyle. I eat things that people ate in the hunter-gather times.” -Anders Kitson

“I think it’s necessary. I think there are a lot of diets going around in the world. You are what you eat, so if people want to eat gluten free, go ahead.” -Angel Kao

“I don’t really know much about it, because I don’t really pay much attention to what I eat. It’s usually just microwavable stuff.” -Adam Ginther

“My brother is Celiac, so it’s not too hard baking and everything, you just replace it.” -Jessica Jones

“Everyone’s just copying my style. Nuts are the shit.” -Sam MacDonald the Squirrel

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CAp Creeper

SPORTS

SPORTS Editor ×

Sarshar Hosseinnia

× s p o r t s e d it o r . c a p c o u r i e r @ g m a i l . c o m

Bring it on Project aims for campus camaraderie Sarshar Hosseinnia × Sports Editor Walking the grounds of Capilano University on one of the more recent bright, sunshiny days (sorry, Johnny Nash), it’s hard not to scope the surrounding area -consisting mostly of fresh meadows – take a deep breath and say, “this is what university is about.” But, unlike SFU with its Highland pub, or UBC with its cosmopolitan strip, Capilano has nothing. “CapU is more of a commuter campus,” says Milt Williams, Athletics and Recreation Coordinator at CapU. “There is no campus life.” Williams’ sentiments were echoed by namesake Faith Williams, central defender for the Capilano varsity women’s soccer team, who, when probed on whether she would participate in any incarnation of campus activity, claimed, “Absolutely, I think any kind of recreation would be great, especially for the athletics department.” This is where Roma Wilson comes in: the fifth year business student has drawn-up plans for the development of a campus community that will see CapU foster relationship building, create an identity and give back to the planet, all while meeting the needs of the women’s soccer team. She calls this the “True Blue Project,” with the “blue” aspect originating from the name of the Capilano varsity teams - the Blues, a staple of the project’s

objectives. “[True Blue] is a pilot project, which is why we aim to create space to build community in beginning solely with the CapU women’s soccer team,” Wilson explains. “We aim to replicate this in other sports departments, and eventually the other departments on campus.”

Why soccer? “I’ve always had a fondness for soccer,” Wilson reflects. “I played it as a kid and… soccer is one of those things that is very accessible, I find, and with the recent success of the Canadian women’s soccer team at the last Olympics there is a space opening up to make it less of a niche market and more a household endeavour.” It’s this passion and desire for improved campus relations that has Wilson aiming to form an amalgamation between the athletics department and the rest of the campus. “Sports has a wonderful way of bringing people together, so if we can integrate the sports portion into the rest of the university, I believe it will lead to creating space and opportunity while encouraging a very vibrant and interconnected student life, which is sorely missing from CapU.”

First of its kind

Giving back

Amazingly, the North Shore campus of Capilano University has been around since 1973 - with the university having formed in 1968 - but despite this, “True Blue” is one of the first truly organized efforts to focus on the social aspect of campus living. Milt Williams explains that this is because the university has always had an “apathetic view” toward social life, and cites the lack of a proper budget as the reason behind a lack of progression toward one. Remarkably, Capilano is the only post-secondary institute in B.C. that doesn’t require an activity fee. So what must CapU do to turn this regression around? “The administration and student union is in full support of post-secondary social life and with initiatives like “True Blue” reaching out to the community CapU can soon develop a sense of pride,” says Williams. Indeed, Wilson’s project (backed by Williams and Marketing/Sport Development Officer Ryan Lenarduzzi) has already made head waves with the North Shore community, gaining the support of Tyler Russell, owner of the Café for Contemporary Arts on Esplanade in lower Lonsdale, who is looking to sponsor the project through advertising. “The café is an inspiring place to be and when I explained the project to [Tyler] he has provided me with advice as well as space to do my work. It’s a remarkable space to work in and I get a lot of inspiration from it,” Wilson says.

Wilson has outlined a calendar of events, set to begin in January, with activities ranging from promoting soccer games to students, handing out t-shirts and candy, and hosting fundraisers and workshops. But there is one event that offers the opportunity to really put Capilano University on the map. Next February, the women’s soccer team is set to fly out to Costa Rica where they will play the national soccer team, and in return, the athletes will give their sports accessories (such as cleats and jerseys) to the underprivileged youth in the area. This trip aims to give the female athletes an insight into another culture while providing a platform from which they can make a name for themselves. “The Blue Marble component [one of three components of the project] is about giving back,” says Wilson, “and there is no better way than providing the poor with something that will help assist their athletics programs.” Of course, Wilson isn’t just aspiring to meet the needs of the athletics department, as loose plans are in place to upgrade the university’s website as well as create a campus radio, and platforms to create social dialogue amongst students. As first year economics student Scott Harrison says, “Universities should be a meeting place, sort of an open forum for all sorts of issues,” and with the True Blue Project coming to light, Capilano may just become that place.

Hat trick Lockout

NHL loses third season in 20 years Connor Thorpe × Staff Writer

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a new Collective Bargaining Agreement will be reached as soon as possible,” said a statement from the Canucks organization. “In the interim, we will continue to focus the efforts and talent of our entire staff and coaches on the values of grassroots hockey in British Columbia.” “We have shared a plan with our community partners and remain committed to ongoing initiatives, including children’s health and wellness through Canucks Autism Network, Canuck Place Children’s Hospice and B.C. Children’s Hospital, as well as the support of literacy at the Canucks Family Education Centre,” the statement continued. While NHL fans won’t reap any benefits from missing the season, certain teams could look on the labour dispute in a positive light. For example, the Edmonton Oilers have bottom-fed in the league for years, racking up multiple high first round draft picks. Still a year or two away from being truly competitive, losing the 2012-2013 season allows the Oilers’ young guns to re-enter the NHL with another invaluable year of developing and conditioning under their belts. But what does this mean for the Vancouver Canucks? Unlike the Oilers, the Canucks are currently built around an aging core of players including the Sedin twins, Kevin Bieksa, Alex Burrows, Ryan Kesler and Dan Hamhuis. It is the career of these players that will determine the length of the Canucks “window” to win the Stanley Cup. With a meager prospect pool and the potential for a full season lost, it seems that this window is closing fast. Despite the fringe benefits of a lockout for NHL teams, there is a palpable desire among players and fans to get the season underway. It is up to the owners and the NHLPA to determine when that will happen.

they want to take 20 per cent of our paychecks. [sic]” Unlike the owners, the players can ply their trade elsewhere during the duration of the lockout. The diaspora of established NHL players to Russia’s Kontinental Hockey League, and other European leagues has already seen the departure of star players including reigning NHL MVP Evgeni Malkin, Winnipeg Jet Evander Kane and the recently acquired New York Ranger, Rick Nash. After the reassignment of younger NHL-calibre players to their American Hockey League affiliates – or in the case of players under 20, their junior (OHL, WHL, QMJHL) clubs – lower-tier North American hockey leagues are experiencing an influx of relatively developed high-end talent that is rarely seen during regular seasons. When speaking to the Globe and Mail, AHL President Dave Andrews elaborated on the effects of an NHL lockout on his league. “The best interests of the sport are served by the NHL playing,” he said. “But if it comes to that, we will enjoy significantly greater media coverage in North America and Europe and more television exposure in Canada and the United States. It creates revenue opportunities we don’t normally experience.” While the Canucks organization won’t be present on the ice for parts or all of the 2012-2013 season, they will remain actively involved in the community. “The Vancouver Canucks remain hopeful that

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As is standard during Gary Bettman’s regime as NHL Commissioner, the collective bargaining agreement talks between NHL players and owners have ground to a halt, resulting in a lockout that could stretch for the entire 2012-2013 season. The lockout took effect on Sept. 15, as the previous CBA expired. This is the third lockout of its kind since Bettman took charge of the league - the first coming in 1994-1995, the second in 2005-2006. “NHL has lost 1,698 regular season games due to labour disputes since 1992,” tweeted Winnipeg Jets right-winger Blake Wheeler said. “More than Major League Baseball, NBA and NFL combined.” The current lockout results from both sides seeking a fair share of Hockey-Related Revenue (HRR). The owners hope to support teams that are less financially sustainable and enable them to compete with perennial contenders of the league. The owners would do this by reducing the players’ share of HRR from the 57 per cent collected in 2011-2012 to somewhere closer to the 45-50 per cent range. Additionally, the current salary cap, which sits at $70 million, would be reduced to $58 million. That number would climb yearly for the duration of the new CBA. Teams that are already close to the $70 million cap limit would be spared losing assets, as a “salary rollback” would be implemented. The salary of all players would be proportionally reduced – allowing all teams to remain under the salary cap and to maintain the salary structure of their organizations. While profit sharing remains the largest issue

between the owners and players, other talking points have been established. The owners would seek to extend the restricted free agency period for players until they have completed 10 years in the NHL. Currently, players are permitted to become unrestricted free agents after they have seven seasons under their belts, or reach the age of 27. The owners have proposed a maximum length on contracts that will sit somewhere between five and seven years. Paradoxically, the owners of financially weak teams are still handing out “lifetime” contracts to players that the aforementioned teams felt were necessary to retain. This practice has created a vicious cycle for cashstrapped franchises. In order to keep marquee players that fill seats, teams are required to offer contracts that are not financially prudent. Meanwhile, the players – who are being represented in the CBA negotiations by the NHLPA, led by executive director Donald Fehr – are fighting for profit sharing to increase as league revenue increases. New Jersey Devil Krys Barch echoed the sentiments of frustration felt by many players and fans through a rant on Twitter. “I wonder if the owners of Boston, New York, Washington, etc., etc., [sic] have endured any of the injuries that I or any other player in the NHL have endured,” he tweeted. “Still, they probably sit there smoking the same brand of cigar, sipping the same cognac, and going on vacation to one of five houses they own […] while we sit here knowing

×× Illustration by Camille Segur

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SATURDAY, OCTOBER 20 AT 7:00 PM

Eric Whitacre in Vancouver THE COMPOSER CONDUCTS

8 pm Saturday, October 27, 2012 | Orpheum Theatre (Downtown) Eric Whitacre, composer and conductor | Vancouver Chamber Choir | Pacifica Singers Focus! Choir of College & University Singers | Special Whitacre Choir of Secondary School Singers Lafayette String Quartet | Stephen Smith, piano World-famous choral composer Eric Whitacre makes his first visit to Vancouver for this concert of his music, conducting the Vancouver Chamber Choir, Pacifica Singers, Lafayette String Quartet and a host of student singers and choirs for a veritable festival of choral moods and colours.

INSANE MOUNTAINS INSPIRED FILMMAKING ASTOUNDING ATHLETES

1-855-985-ARTS (2787) www.vancouverchamberchoir.com

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caboose Editor ×

Scott Moraes

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Dear Mother Scott Moraes ×Humor and Fiction Editor

Dear Mother, I hope this letter finds you well, and that your life is not as tumultuous as mine has been. I know that each time I correspond with you, you expect me to present you with glorious news, such as my decision to marry and have a child, and instead I disappoint you with notices of severances. I regret to inform you that it has happened yet again. Rebecca and I had a sour confrontation. She started acting odd and vicious outside of her allowed week of the month, and I pressed her for the reasons. It turns out she met some bloke from Sweden, with unnaturally long arms and a furniture-sounding name, and got charmed into a roll in the hay with him. I had only cheated on her once and she never knew about it, so she really had no justification to do this to me without consulting me first. Still, despite her shameful sin, she went on an endless monologue enumerating the reasons for her growing contempt of my personality, manners, and my “stupid little face.” Despite all the nonsense, I must confess her anger made her sound quite articulate. Articulate enough to make me wonder whether some of her accusations were true. I seek your wisdom in being the impartial arbiter.

She insists that the British alone are responsible for half the misery caused in the world since the beginning of civilization, and that I embody “the arrogance and lack of consideration” that justified all the damage done. She said a lot about the Americans too, but I found it hard to disagree on that front. Canadian girls are so open-minded that they easily fall prey to leftist propaganda, and they insist in spilling it out constantly as though their sense of morality depended on it. They are for the most part card-carrying communists of the Castroist variety (father would be enraged), and continuously speak out against any type of economic development or financial investment. They are the self-elected saviours of mankind, protectors of the old, the sick, the miserable and the unemployed (with taxes from the rich, of course!), overseers of the preservation of “Mother Earth,” ambassadors of justice and equality; whereas we are the barbarians who would rather buy shares on the market than invest in Greenpeace bandanas and adopt endangered animals. At first I found her idealism quite adorable, but she went from being a sweetheart to a blossoming revolutionary bitch in no time.

When I asked for occasion to defend myself without interruption, she told me to “shove my accent and my Oxford education up my ass,” and stormed out the door. I wished her a jolly time strolling on a Swedish field, watching Bergman movies at night and pretending to understand them. I do feel devastated, though. I feel my heart will not be remedied soon. I may need to buy a new car, as I feel my heart has been unfulfilled in that respect as well. On a much happier note, you will be pleased to know I followed a friend on a visit to Costco – a most horrendous anthill of cheap goods - and bought a case of large bottles of Worcester sauce and quite a few cans of Heinz baked beans, more out of biting nostalgia than any sense of culinary craving. I feel they'll sit in my pantry for a long time, and will be a useful conversation starter if a Mormon friend is to ever pop by. Also, regarding my last birthday, I must say a word about Grandma. I do understand the sentiment and I am much touched by it, but if you would only be too kind to suggest to her, in subtle passing terms, that her contributions

have endowed me with an unpractical collection of archaic outfits which are better suited to a museum of anthropology than my own dear closet, in which space grows scarcer by the day. On the risk of sounding like a Frenchman, I must say my sense of fashion is keen and in accordance with the times. Please make it known to Grandma, if only as a tea time observation, that in Canada grandmothers usually send their grandsons cheques for their birthdays. She may be appalled, but it's worth trying. Perhaps her mind will gear up to the realization that such a gift would spare her so much precious effort! Briefly, I will try to answer all of your questions: No, I am not in any way being harassed, molested, or abused by my landlords or neighbours. I have not been mugged, I have been eating regularly, I have been exercising, and I am well-clothed for the season. And evidently, I am alive and well. Love, Your son.

×× SUSAN LI

GREEN ×Writer

Hide not behind my sweetened smiles Nails dig the flesh to sow the seeds When patience and friendship can no longer be salvaged From the wreckage of uncontrolled deeds I invite you into my sea-beaten cave Offer you repayment for an escape from myself I shall never owe nothing The pound of flesh does return to my form Inviting a fresh slice from aged, rusted blade No seas of blood spilled shall quench your thirst No longer.

Friends forsaken for sake of desire Cold winter breeze pawned away into fire A martyr perverted, a good man corrupt Your chilled inspiration shall beg me give up A twisted visage shall rise from my form In suits of lush green and nature-worn You'll offer me solace and safety from rain I'll turn fair away, your grip shall wane Swept opportunity gives breath to your lungs Snatching one's feet from before the last rung A puppet master with smashed, bandaged hands Shall give no show to wholesome man I shall resist you all that I can But you are inside of me All that I am.

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Jealousy, you find me at my weakest You hold me close and fight my battles You consume my heart and caress my emotions Tightening your grip on my throat, whispering in my ear, "It's alright." You shall pull my strings as you hold your own out of sight Cold steel you become in my hand, the fruit of tainted trees Defiant of all order under your order I go, and it is done; the bell invites me By the lifeless ringing, I have slashed and torn away My greatest friend.

Pt. III: Riot in Requiem

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Pt. II: Parting the Clouds

Pt. I: Sweet Confusion

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Charlie Black

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caboose Editor ×

Scott Moraes

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THE Shot gun reviews

SONIC AND KNUCKLES Connor Thorpe

HUGO’S HOUSE OF HORRORS JJ Brewis

As a kid, I fucking loved Sonic and Knuckles. Even when newer, “better” consoles came out, I held onto my dusty Sega Genesis and played that shit day in and day out. It was the best game ever! It had everything! Sonic. Knuckles. Even Tails, if you’re into that. And it had this awesome cartridge that had a space at the top to insert another game to create a new game. It wasn’t until my late teens that I realized that the hours I spent trying different combinations of games were futile because they only worked with other Sonic games. I’ll never get those hours back – and I’ll never get to see Knuckles smash his way through Toejam & Earl. Fuck you, Sega.

Remember those DOS games where you could type in prompts and the character of the game would follow? In this adventure, the hero, Hugo, is navigated through a 2-bit coloured haunted house with only your help! There’s a rabid dog, a kooky scientist, and a grim dinner party in which you must don a monster mask to survive. There’s also a random section in the middle where you can only cross a river if you know Lord of the Rings trivia. Sadly my nerd knowledge at that age was limited to WWF wrestler stats and Aladdin quotes, so I had to phone my Aunty Mar in Penticton to ask her what the fuck a Frodo was. Warning: typed commands must be dumbed down though, or else Hugo gets his bright purple pants in a knot. If you say, “Fuck you,” the screen replies “Same to you, loser!” Fair enough.

RAGE QUITTING Carlo Javier

HUGO’S JUNGLE OF DOOM

Ever since Mario found out that his princess was in a different castle, video games have come a long way, Gamers like myself have more or less dealt with FIVE different Elite Fours, FOURTEEN Final Fantasies, a yearly offering of sports, and of course, a Left for Dead-like re-spawn of Rage Quitters. These assholes are the biggest detractors from having a wonderful online gaming experience; they are the most damning things to come across the virtual world since Zubat’s Confuse Ray. Imagine trying to catch Mewtwo: you carefully trim it’s life bar to the lowest possible without killing it, you either paralyze it or make it fall asleep; now imagine you wanted to save your lone Master Ball, and Mewtwo used “Rage Quit,” that’s how much it sucks. Bottom line, Rage Quitting should be illegalized within online gaming; Rage Quitters should be Hadoukened out of existence. The only time it’s acceptable to Rage Quit is when playing Dark Souls, that’s it.

And then they made another one! In this instalment (which is actually the third in the series, but the second one was something about a haunted baby’s birthday party? Okay, I actually have no idea, but my mom didn’t buy me that one from Shopper’s Drug Mart). A plane has crashed and knocked out Hugo’s girlfriend Penelope. To save her, he must go on a quest to find magic healing water (obviously). On the way, you get to shoot an elephant with a Gravol-filled dart, and answer riddles from Peter O’Toole (cleverly disguised as a fortune teller). Pro tip: do not review this video game for a Grade 1 book report. If your parents get pulled in for “trouble at home,” you’re on your own. At any rate, this is the game for you if you want to lock a probably offensive (I was like seven) voodoo doctor in a cage and steal his bouillon cubes (Yeah, I dunno either).

SAID THE SQUID By Jeff Hollett & Lori-lee Thomas

JJ Brewis

THE ERECTION AND IMPOTENCE OF THE ROMAN EMPIRE I'm tired of “Rise and Fall” titles THE U.S. ELECTION Don't trust the robo calls VIFF Fuck school!

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DIDGERIDOO My idea of an old tree farting THANKSGIVING Roast a leg of lamb

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FRENCH IMMERSION Doesn't mean you're fluent

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PAUL THOMAS ANDERSON Genius

MELTING ICE CAPS Yay, more oil underneath! FOURTH HOUR ASSIGNMENTS Infringement of our unalienable rights to leisure COSPLAY Just freaks me out www.saidthesquid.ca